QNotes, October 6, 2017

Oct. 6-19. 2017

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inside

qnotes news & features

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Rolling the Stone Away arts. news. views.

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News Notes: Regional Briefs News Notes: U.S./World Briefs Breast Cancer Awareness Walks Domestic Violence Month Couple Has ‘Nuclear Family’ Foster Care & Adoptions LGBTQ History Month

a&e / life&style 17 18 20 24 25 26 27

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Finding ways to get help and maintain a safety net when things go bad.

Freddy Mercury ghost slams NC on Netflix goqnotes.com/54101 arts. entertainment. news. views.

Oct. 1 OITNB star visits Charlotte goqnotes.com/54093 Oct. 1

page 10

Is trans teen murder a hate crime? goqnotes.com/53675 Oct. 1

more news & features …

Stonewall heroine killed for activism goqnotes.com/53663 Sept. 30

‘The Red Shoes’ Chubs & Chubby Chasers Face Fuzz Health & Wellness Tell Trinity Q Events Calendar Our People: Anita Case

opinions & views

Op-Ed: Health Funding Op-Ed: Bi Open Letter Op-Ed: Healthcare Legal Eagle

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online

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Domestic violence and the LGBTQ community

Orientation question remains on Census goqnotes.com/53623 Sept. 28 Charlottesville Nazis cancel Charlotte rally goqnotes.com/53612 Sept. 28

Loving those left behind

Health & Wellness

Foster care professionals and parents speak out on caring for older kids. page 13

Socializing with friends and family can help those seeking a healthier lifestyle. page 24

Please, McCrory, go away goqnotes.com/53441 Sept. 23 McCrory will consider governor run again goqnotes.com/53430 Sept. 22

Oct. 6-19. 2017

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qnotes connect Oct. 6-19, 2017 Vol 32 No 12

arts. entertainment. news. views. goqnotes.com twitter.com/qnotescarolinas facebook.com/qnotescarolinas

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op-ed

by Anita Case, Affinity Health Center Executive Director :: guest contributor

Congress, it’s time to fix the health center funding cliff Affinity Health Center is hundreds of miles from the U.S. Capitol, but what happens under that dome has a direct impact on our patients.

Community health centers like ours bring a unique and important perspective to the national conversation on health care. At Affinity Health Center, over the last 12 months, we have provided healthcare services to more than 3,900 patients. Seventy percent of our patients live in poverty. Sixty-one percent of our patients have no insurance coverage. Twenty-nine percent of our patients are homeless or unstably housed. We provide critical services including primary care, dental, mental health and medication assistance for those most in need in our community. We help to reduce costly ER visits, long-term hospitalizations and the impact of chronic diseases. Nationally, health centers generated $24 billion in healthcare cost savings, according to the National Association of Community Health Centers (NACHC). It is also noteworthy that a survey conducted by Capital Link discovered Affinity Health Center saved the state Medicaid program $7 million in 2016.

There is little doubt that health centers have contributed significantly to cost savings for the American taxpayer. Yet, it is not sufficient to describe us as just another healthcare program. We are problem-solvers

that look beyond medical charts to not only prevent illness, but also address societal factors like homelessness, lack of nutrition, unemployment and drug addiction that contribute significantly to poor health.

For decades, health centers have drawn bipartisan support because of our record of success. Yet, such broad support may not be enough to ensure we can continue to serve people who need affordable primary health care in the future.

Right now, 22 South Carolina health centers face the threat of loss in funding. An estimated 70 percent of our federal funding, which amounts to more than $56M for our state annually, is in jeopardy if Congress doesn’t act by Sept. 30th. Without this funding, more than 60,000 patients will lose access to care in South Carolina. The Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) has projected that the national impact would be dramatic: closure of 2,800 health center locations, elimination of more than 50,000 jobs and a loss of access to care for more than nine million patients. Our patients need Congress to act now to allow us to do what we do best — save lives and money. : : — Anita Case is the executive director of Affinity Health Center in Rock Hill, S.C.

contributors this issue

front page

Graphic Design by Lainey Millen Photography: qnotes staff Mission:

The focus of QNotes is to serve the LGBT and straight ally communities of the Charlotte region, North Carolina and beyond, by featuring arts, entertainment, news and views content in print and online that directly enlightens, informs and engages the readers about LGBT life and social justice issues.

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op-ed

by Stewart (Mac) McCloud :: guest contributor

Open Letter: The increasingly hostile and unfriendly environment in today’s world for all bisexual and bi-curious men!

In the last decade many, many gains have been made for our gay brothers and lesbian sisters especially in the area of marriage equality.

The wise and astute re-branding of “gay marriage” into “marriage equality” did over time work wonders for us. Decades ago who would have thought that today all of us could get legally married in each and every jurisdiction in these United States? Other remarkable gains with greater acceptance and tolerance have been blessedly achieved for gays and lesbians, but sadly progress for bisexuals — especially for bisexual and bi-curious men — has lagged behind, and now our transgender siblings are increasingly under attack, most recently in the Armed Services and even in accessing public restrooms in many states across the country today.

Sadly, bisexual men and bi-curious men are once again being shoved further and ever deeper into their closets and are left there in fear and isolation. Sadly, acceptance even from our gay and lesbian siblings has lagged, and whereas the large LGBT family should be united and one, it is nowhere nearer to that today than it was decades ago. Bisexuals, especially men, are just not yet fully accepted and welcomed into our LGBT family as they rightfully should be. One day this will come and it must — so we are asking you to help make that a reality sooner than later. One day at a time.

An important first step for all of us was and is greater self-acceptance and greater self-understanding. It is all too often so very difficult for bisexual and bi-curious men to do this. The Bi Men Network has been helping in this regard online since the 1990s as a continuous support and presence for our men at and in recent years with our own Bi Men Network, as well as our new online bi men social fraternity, Beta Mu Society.org, and more recently our Facebook public presence. We are reaching out here to you today to ask your help in letting bisexual and bi-curious men you may know now, or come to know in the future, know about these real opportunities to find and discover both greater self-acceptance and self-understanding.

For over 20 years now we have had many free resources online and readily available to all bisexual and bi-curious men worldwide. We implore all our gay, lesbian and transgender siblings to offer your help to all bisexual and bi-curious men — those you know now and those you will meet and encounter again and again. They are often newcomers to the LGBT family and all too often they need your patience, your care and concern, and your understanding. All too often they are not yet where you are on their life paths to self-acceptance and self-understanding.

They need and deserve your compassion and empathy and just a little help as they make their own way on their own life path, albeit different than your own. The LGBT family is a big tent — we likely are at least 20 up to even a high of 40 percent of the entire human race and not just the 1 in 10. There is room for all of us.

So, please help all members of our LGBT family in our common pursuit of happiness and greater self-acceptance and self-understanding for all of us!

Thank you all so very much for listening, for caring and for being there for all of us now and for the future! : : Best Wishes, Stewart (Mac) McCloud Founder and CEO Bi Men Network bimen.org. and Alpha Founding Father Beta Mu Society BETA MU SOCIETY The Bi Men Online Social Fraternity betamusociety.org.

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Whether it’s letters to the editor, web comments, general suggestions, comments or ideas, qnotes staff welcomes your input. We also are interested in your opinions on current topics, social justice issues and more. See, without you we’d really have no reason to be here. So, we delight in hearing what our readers have to say. Be sure to send in your thoughts, praises, criticisms and more to editor@goqnotes.com for general feedback or letters@goqnotes.com for letters to the editor.

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Perry Brass, Anita Case, Amanda Brisson Cannavo, Maria Dominguez, Torie Dominguez, Justin R. Erwin III, Jack Kirven, Stewart (Mac) McCloud, Lainey Millen, Josh Robbins, Jeff Taylor, Trinity

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life

Faith & Values

LGBTQ Christians come together at Rolling the Stone Away Conference St. Louis conference honors ‘LGBTQIA saints and prophets’

by Maria Dominguez :: qnotes staff

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groundbreaking conference comes to the Marriott St. Louis Airport, located at 10700 Pear Tree Ln. in St. Louis, Mo., from Oct. 31 to Nov. 2. “Rolling the Stone Away: Generations of Love and Justice” brings together proLGBTQ Christian leaders from Catholic, Lutheran, Methodist, Metropolitan Community Churches and United Church of Christ communities, as well as attendees of any faith or identity. No matter what one’s particular affiliation or background might be, all are welcome to register to attend.

“Rolling the Stone Away,” its website declares, is “a conference for LGBTQIA saints and prophets — generations past and present — to honor our history and empower our future.”

Leaders from 13 different LGBTQ organizations united in planning the conference, the first of its kind in history.

The event is meant to bring together early LGBTQ Christian leaders with today’s leaders and activists. Attendees will participate in formal and informal discussions about the past, present and future of the LGBTQ rights movements and the importance of LGBTQ Christians in the work towards progress.

Sessions are broken up into time periods, with leaders from the 1960s/1970s, 1980s/1990s, and 2000s each featured in interview panels each day. Breakout sessions in between will consider topics including transgender identities, engaging the religious right, queer theology, lesbian feminism and organizing communities of color, and many more.

Another compelling plenary event, Stories from the Heart, features attendees recalling their motivations and memories throughout their journeys for justice. Conference speakers

include a variety of historical and contemporary LGBTQ Christian leaders and activists.

Some invited attendees and panel participants are: Rev. Troy Perry, founder of Metropolitan Community Churches; Rev. Carter Heyward; a trailblazing female Episcopal priest; Bishop Carl Bean, founder of Unity Fellowship; Bishop Gene Robinson, the first openly gay Episcopal bishop; Mel White, founder of Soulforce; and Rev. Dr. Irene Monroe, a scholar and advocate.

Outside of formal panels, plenty of break time has been scheduled for attendees to engage in informal discussions. These offer the chance for the more-shy participants to ask questions or offer their own experiences in order to contribute to the dialogue around LGBTQ history and progress, as well as its intersection with race, class and gender issues — and more.

“Rolling the Stone Away is bringing together the largest and most diverse coalition of Queer Christian groups ever assembled,” said Mark Bowman, Conference Coordinator in a press release. “The energy, spirit and passion growing around this gathering are contagious.”

Conference registration is now $330. Registration fee scholarships are available for students, young activists and scholars who choose to apply.

Accommodation rates are $99 per night at the host hotel, the Marriot St. Louis Airport. In order to make the conference more affordable and accessible

for participants, organizers are using their Facebook page as a vehicle for attendees to find roommates with whom to split the cost of housing. : :

Op-Ed

‘I want to be heard in my healthcare’ HIV activist shares journey to become heard as an individual instead of a risk pool statistic

by Josh Robbins :: guest contributor “I want to be heard.”

It is really as simple as that. I just want to be heard.

More specifically, I want to be heard in my healthcare. I want my healthcare delivered to me to be personal, derived specifically for me and the exact opposite of communitywide healthcare. I don’t want to be a statistic anymore, and I couldn’t care less in what risk pool I’ve previously been placed or grouped. Sometimes the labels and words like “MSM” (men who have sex with men) and “high risk” (sexually) completely veil my identity within my own health. And it isn’t okay anymore.

I am an individual first, and my healthcare needs to be mine.

I want to be heard.

As a cisgender white male, I have substantial privilege, obviously. I completely accept that, as neither my fault nor my reward. I cannot affect it. But as an HIV-positive queer trying to navigate healthcare, at times, I feel I am losing. I have yet to find health equity — and I’m putting in the work.

Since the Affordable Care Act was implemented, I have been dropped by insurance companies four times — each followed by brief interruptions of me seeing my doctor and once completely stopping my adherence to antiretroviral meds. I consider myself to be pretty savvy at navigating the system. If I am having trouble with the system, I suspect others may have already just stopped trying to figure it out altogether. But I am not giving up on healthcare. I am fighting to stay engaged.

When I finally make it to the doctor’s office, I also want to be heard. In 2012, my first appointment with my HIV specialist focused on community-wide recommendations to begin antiret-

roviral therapy immediately. Sure, there are benefits to starting treatment early, but at that time, arguments could be made for waiting — especially because I was showing signs of being an HIV controller (healthline.com/health/hiv-aids/hiv-controllers).

Since being diagnosed with HIV in 2012, almost every time I have a minor illness or issue arise, I sometimes cringe when telling any non-HIV specialized doctor or nurse practitioner that I am positive because it immediately changes how they treat me both literally and medically. Usually the moment that I disclose that I am positive, everything is attributed to the virus. I understand, accept, and believe that HIV treatment works (cdc.gov/ actagainstaids/campaigns/hivtreatmentworks/index.html) — but not every minor issue is related to living with HIV. I joke sometimes that I could run into a glass door and break my nose, and when I hit the emergency room instead of helping me with my sideways nose, they would be attempting to study how HIV is starting to affect my cognition. “My nose is broken because I ran into a glass door. HIV isn’t to blame,” I would say.

I just want to be heard.

When I described some of the health problems that I experience to my physician, like the embarrassing issue of HIV-related diarrhea, I wasn’t met with recommendations for FDA-approved diarrhea treatment (Mytesi.com). Instead, I was told on more than one occasion that my doctor “does not see diarrhea anymore” because of the improved HIV meds that we now have.

Honestly, I do not care what they see or don’t see among patients living with HIV, because I am experiencing that side effect. And I wanted to be heard — to be treated individually and not ignored.

This year I have learned that my healthcare requires my active participation, my active engagement and my resolve to fight battles for myself like I could never have imagined I would be fighting.

When an insurance company dropped my coverage in my state, I fought to get new coverage. I will fight at the end of this year again. I will be heard.

When I was told that I had to order my medicine from a specific pharmacy, I fought to keep my pharmacist, because I believe they are important in my patient journey because they know all my allergies. I will be heard.

When my doctor made treatment plans based on statistics instead of recommending what would be best for me as an individual, I fired that doctor and found a new one who now listens to me and takes what I have to say into consideration before making a plan. I will be heard.

As much as we are told to stand up and fight for social issues, to rise up and speak against inequalities and to do the important work to bring justice and equity to all people, I realize that each of us has the right and need to be heard as an individual in our own personal healthcare.

I will be heard. You should be heard, as well.

Let’s fight to make it happen. : : — Josh Robbins is a GLAAD Award nominated blogger for imstilljosh.com and an HIV positive patient advocate. He is a paid spokesperson for #MyHIVThankYou campaign sponsored

by Napo Pharmaceuticals, Inc., makers of Mytesi. He lives in Nashville and is single and ready to mingle.

Follow him @imstilljosh

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news notes: carolinas compiled by Lainey Millen :: qnotes staff

Documentary screening slated

North Carolina and the Human Rights Campaign.

Bonapart ranked civil rights fifth in a query on issues by Ballotpedia.

Early voting is available through Oct. 7 from 10 a.m.-7 p.m. at the Independence Regional Library, 6000 Conference Dr., in Charlotte, N.C. and in District 5 precincts on election primary runoff day on Oct. 10. info: meckpac.org.

Band gets ‘ghoulish’

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The Charlotte Pride Band will hold its “Ghouls Just Wanna Have Fun” concert on Oct. 28, 5 p.m., at Myers Park Baptist Church, Heaton Hall, 1900 Queens Rd. Attendees are encouraged to wear your Halloween costume to the concert.

Tickets are $15 and are available online or at the door. info: charlotteprideband.org.

Triad Alamance does Pride

HELENA, Mont. — The LGBTQ and Civil Rights Movement documentary “From Selma to Stonewall: Are We There Yet?” will screen at locations across North Carolina from Oct. 17-20.

The film explores the complex relationship between the LGBTQ rights movement and the Black Civil Rights Movement. Directed by author and LGBTQ activist Marilyn Bennett, and executive produced by lifelong Civil Rights activist Rev. Gilbert Caldwell, “From Selma to Stonewall” takes a look at the similarities, differences, and conflicts between the two movements. This 60-minute documentary follows Caldwell, a Black, straight preacher, and Bennett, a white lesbian activist, as they seek to find the intersection between these two movements.

“I look forward to our upcoming screenings and discussion in North Carolina; they could not be more timely or needed,” Caldwell said. “In the early 1950s, I was rejected by Duke University Divinity School because of practiced segregation. More recently, we saw the divisions created by the anti-LGBTQ legislation HB2, and continued racial unrest throughout the country in an increasingly hostile environment. They say you ‘cannot go home,’ but my hope and prayer is that I can indeed return to North Carolina to foster discussion, reduce divisions and promote healing for our diverse communities. As a heterosexual, African-American preacher, I have learned so much in our journey with this film, and I believe North Carolinians will welcome a discussion of the issues we address and work to find ways to build bridges in their local communities,” Caldwell concluded.

“There was never a better time to have this play in our city. So much of the tension and racial mistrust in Charlotte is reinforced by flawed interpretation of holy text and the fear it produces,” said Bishop Tonyia Rawls, pastor at Charlotte’s Sacred Souls Community Church, United Church of Christ.

Dates, times and locations are: Oct. 17, 7 p.m., Fairmont United Methodist Church, 2501 Clark Ave., Raleigh, N.C., Oct. 18, 7 p.m., Duke University, Ahmadieh Family Lecture Hall, 114 S. Buchanan Blvd., Durham, N.C.; Oct. 19, 5:30 p.m., Temple Beth El, 5101 Providence Rd., Charlotte, N.C.; Oct. 20, 7 p.m., The University of North Carolina at Wilmington, McNeil Hall, Room MC-1005, Wilmington, N.C. Also, “Reckoning with Our Past, Shaping Our Future,” a service, lunch and panel discussion, will be held on Oct. 18, 11:25 a.m., at Goodson Chapel, The Divinity School at Duke University, 407 Chapel Dr., Durham, N.C. Rev. Caldwell will be the guest clergy who will take the pulpit to preach. info: fromselmatostonewall.com.

Charlotte SAGE chapter explored

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — A Community Conversation for LGBT Older Adults will be held on Oct. 23, 7 p.m., at Time Out Youth Center, Tonda Taylor Community Room, 3800 Monroe Rd. This meeting will serve to explore resource needs for senior LGBTQ community members.

Shelle Hamill, Ph.D., will facilitate the first conversation.

One particular question being brought to the forefront is the need or want for a SAGE chapter in Charlotte.

“There are many resources available in our community for older adults,” said Dan Kirsch, organizer of the Community Conversation, “but

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there is rarely a focus on LGBT people.” Kirsch has spent the past year fundraising for the local LGBTQ youth organization. “While older adults were happy to contribute to youth programs, they also asked what programs and services were available for LGBT elders.”

The event is free.

For more information, email charlottelgbt elders@gmail.com. info: timeoutyouth.org.

Primary runoff in motion

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — A runoff between Matt Newton and Darrell Bonapart will be held on Oct. 10 due to neither getting 40 percent of the votes needed to win the Democratic District 5 race in the September primary.

Newton is endorsed by MeckPAC, Equality

BURLINGTON, N.C. — Alamance Pride will be held on Oct. 7, 11:30 a.m., at the train station, 101 N. Main St. Organizers will welcome those attending from the Nissan Stage at noon followed by musical performances for the rest of the afternoon. Included are Triad Pride Men’s Chorus, Triad Pride Women’s Chorus, The Megan Doss Band, along with two acts of a drag show with emcee Stormie Daie. Closing announcements from the board will take place at 4:45 p.m.

An after party will be held at 5 p.m. at Burlington Public House, 118 E. Davis St. info: alamancepride.org.

from Nov. 10-11. The topic will be “Racism in today’s world.” The weekend starts on Nov. 10, 7:30 p.m. with a meet and greet at the church with light hors d’oeuvres. Afterwards, head out to enjoy the city. On Nov. 11, 9 a.m., a day-long gathering will include workshops, dialogue, lunch, fellowship, worship and communion. The following morning at 11 a.m., the church will hold worship services and gathering attendees are invited to attend.

Registration is available online. Cost is $25 per person. Deadline is Nov. 9 to secure a spot.

Hotel reservations can be made by Oct. 20 at the Holiday Inn Express on Hwy. 66 in Kernersville, N.C. Rate is $99 per night. Call 336564-3333 to book a room with MCC as the code. info: mccwschurch.com.

Triangle Hurricane relief drag benefit planned

RALEIGH, N.C. — Magnolias & Duct Tape will present “Peculiar — A Hurricane Relief Drag Benefit” to be held on Oct. 15, 8 p.m., at 110 E. Hargett St. This southern gothic celebration is collecting funds for UMCOR disaster relief programs.

The event stars Mystie Kole, Lucy Wild and Bitzi Dupress. Host is Alex Marcus, along with “grand matriarchs” of Magnolias & Duct Tape Leslie Simone and Mrs. Beaumont. Special guest is Amber Starlett.

Games and prizes will also be available for those who purchase tickets.

Cover will be $10. info: facebook.com/MagnoliasandDucttape. umcor.org.

Youth slate Queernival

Bingo time approaches

WINSTON-SALEM, N.C. — Drag Queen Bingo will be held on Oct. 21, 7 p.m., at the Metropolitan Community Church of WinstonSalem, 4105 Patsy Dr. The event features Jamie Monroe, Bianca Lepore and Macaria Rage.

Snacks, candy and soft drinks will be available for a contribution.

Tickets are $15/individual and $25/couple and are available at the church or from Rev. Jon M. Hamby.

In other news, the church will present southern gospel recording artist Fortress in concert on Nov. 5, 11 a.m., at the church.

A love offering will be taken up during the event. info: mccwschurch.com.

DURHAM, N.C. — NC Queer Youth Power will hold its Queernival 2017 on Oct. 28, 12-5 p.m., at Calvary Methodist Church, 304 E. Trinity Ave. Queernival is a free outdoor street fair celebrating queer youth liberation, organizers said. Youth of all ages, adult allies and organizations will come together to celebrate, educate, organize, throw pies and “get our dance on,” they added.

The afternoon activities will be filled with face painting, open mic, carnival games, bouncy castle, food trucks, youth musicians and local bands and booths by local Gay-Straight Alliances and LGBTQ youth organizations.

Organizations can register to host a booth online. info: ncqueeryouthpower.org. facebook.com/ events/1821509331473607.

Foundation rebrands

Elders keep door open

GREENSBORO, N.C. — The Guilford Green Foundation has announced that it has rebranded itself complete with a new logo and a relaunched website.

Atlantic Webworks created the new logo and TechTriad provided its services for the extreme non-profit makeover with support from the Cemala Foundation.

All of this has come just in time for the foundation’s 20th anniversary. During this year, the organization is asking the community to contribute $20 per month to help with programming for the community. Contributions can be made online. info: ggfnc.org.

Gathering explores racism

WINSTON-SALEM, N.C. — Metropolitan Community Church of Winston-Salem, 4105 Patsy Dr., is hosting The Carolinas and Tennessee Network’s 2017 Network Gathering

DURHAM, N.C. — The Herald Sun recently wrote a feature on two longtime partners who are working to create a safety net for LGBTQ elders as they reach retirement.

Christopher Ross and Allan Keech, like so many within the community, face challenges in finding an environment where they will be welcome should they need a nursing home or other facility in which to reside.

While they find their way “home,” the Virginia residents keep busy and plan to settle permanently in Durham, N.C. as members of the Village Hearth Cohousing development.

This option comes at a time when homophobia and lack of staff training on LGBTQ issues at nursing homes prevails.

The Triangle area does have options for its senior residents in the form of SAGE Raleigh, the two LGBTQ community centers and other supportive options. info: heraldsun.com.

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news notes: u.s./world compiled by Lainey Millen :: qnotes staff

Disaster relief for LGBTQ community, centers crucial to efforts to assist those they serve Not only community centers were affected. LGBTQ newspaper offices What began the hurricane season as one isolated storm that devaswere flooded in Texas and Florida. And, getting out the news to the commutated Houston, Texas, became a year of firsts as the U.S. mainland and nity was met with delays, as staff worked from home or elsewhere as waters territory of Puerto Rico were the latest in a line of record-breaking natural receded and offices could be reclaimed and rehabilitated. disasters. When the fury was And, of course, to add insult to injury, Mexico was delended, not only lives were lost, uged with earthquakes that took lives as well. but also damage was felt by Metropolitan Community Churches sent out a call for its LGBTQ community centers, members and others to mourn those lost to these disasters news organizations and other and join in support as solitary forces began to help those in establishments. Add to that their respective areas and in the church’s world. wide-spread fires across the “Our churches in Texas, Florida, Cuba, Puerto Rico, the West that took property and Dominican Republic (where we still have groups linked to laid the land to a charred MCC), Honduras, Puebla MX, Veracruz MX, Mexico City have landscape. survived these attacks of nature without deaths among their For Houston, The Montrose membership, although with some impact to their infrastrucCenter marked the first blow to tures (houses and temples). Due to the heavy floods caused the LGBTQ community’s supby María, our pastor at MCC Cristo Sanador, George Gonzalez port system. After Hurricane People across the globe have reached out to support Medrano, has no access to his home,” MCC shared.

Harvey engulfed the Gulf city, in recovery efforts.

Reconciling Ministries Network also sent out prayers of the world came to the rescue Photo Credit: thanh lam via Adobe Stock hope to its masses. and started sending in funds Relief efforts from the hurricanes hve been escalated by CenterLink, and supplies, as well as people power to help rebuild what was lost. (See which is working with centers in Houston and Puerto Rico. CenterLink is goqnotes.com/53040 for earlier coverage.) also raising funds for resources needed in the wake of the storms, includThen Irma set her sites on the southern region of North America’s ing batteries, flashlights, a generator for Centro Comunitario LGBTT de Atlantic Ocean and tore through island and after island until it overpowPuerto Rico in San Juan, non-perishable food and other hard-to-come-by ered the Florida Keys and majority of the state. LGBTQ community centers essentials for community members. in the Sunshine State became the next victims.

To send support, visit the following websites: mccchurch.net, rmnetRight on its heels, Maria dealt her blow to the already devastated work.org and lgbtcenters.org. Check out other relief effort organizations islands of the Caribbean and left Puerto Rico in shambles, without power, online for more ways to lend a hand of support. water and more.

news

QUICK HITS —————————— Brian Sawyer now owns Peach ATL Media, LLC, Goliath Media LLC and Fenuxe magazine, The Georgia Voice reported. info: thegavoice.com.

Planned Parenthood of Illinois and veteran LGBTQ rights activist Jim Bennett will be honored at the 2018 Equality Illinois Gala. info: eqil.org.

“Saw” movie posters for its eighth installment, “Jigsaw,” protest restrictions for LGBTQ blood donors, Out reported. info: out.com.

“Project Runway Junior” alumni Matt Sarafa has debuted his Roleplay line during Paris Fashion Week. info: mattsarafa.com.

Erica Lea has become the first openly LGBTQ lead pastor of the Mennonite Church USA with her call to the Albuquerque Mennonite Church. info: sojo.net.

The Root reported that a study found that LGBTQ youth and youth with disabilities suffer more while in solitary confinement. info: theroot.com.

Brigham Young University LGBTQ alumni hosted its first reunion with participants spanning decades. info: heraldextra.com.

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Women’s Health

Breast Cancer Awareness Month Events for 2017

by Torie Dominguez :: guest contributor Oct. 7

Oct. 14

Oct. 18

Komen Charlotte Race for the Cure 401 South Tryon St., Charlotte, N.C. 6-9 a.m.

Event includes 5K run/walk, 1-mile run/walk, and survivor celebration. Fees for registration by Oct. 6 are $35 for adults, $15 for kids 12 and under, or $40 for virtual participants. Race day registration is $40 for adults or $20 for kids. bit.ly/2v2uTar

3rd Annual Pink Power Fashion Show Elliott University Center, 507 Stirling St., Greensboro, N.C. 7-8:30 p.m.

The University of North Carolina at Greensboro’s Consumer, Apparel and Retail Studies department student organization Threads reprises their celebrated Pink Power event to benefit the Mammography Scholarship Foundation at Cone Health Women’s Hospital, providing free mammograms to women who struggle to afford regular breast cancer screening. Tickets are $15 general admission, $10 for students. bit.ly/2k3bnuh.

Shop for the Cure For a limited time, local boutiques partner with Susan G. Komen NCTC to support breast cancer research.

Monkee’s 10 a.m.-7 p.m.

4158 Main at North Hills St., Suite 100, Raleigh N.C. komennctc.org/north-carolina-triangle-events/2017-shopfor-the-cure.

Blue Cross NC NASCAR Xfinity Series Drive for the Cure 300 Charlotte Motor Speedway, 5555 Concord Pkwy. S., Concord, N.C. 3 p.m.

Details and free tickets available online. charlottemotorspeedway.com/bcbsnc300.

Oct. 7-Oct. 8 Bald Head Island PINK Weekend Bald Head Island, N.C. (various locations) Events include a designer home showcase, all-you-can-eat ice cream social, a gourmet catered lunch and fashion show and a weekend-long raffle sponsored by local vendors with prizes ranging from gift certificates and spa treatments to a seven-day vacation home package. baldheadislandpink.com.

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Oct. 17 Dine Out for the Cure Participating restaurants will donate up to 30 percent of proceeds to Susan G. Komen Triangle to the Coast.

Nofo @ The Pig 2014 Fairview Rd., Raleigh, N.C. nofo.com.

Lilly’s Pizza 1813 Glenwood Ave., Raleigh, N.C. lillyspizza.com.

Fresh Local Ice Cream 138 E. Chatham St., Cary, N.C. freshlocalicecream.com.

Oct. 19 Party in Pink Breast Cancer ZUMBAthon City of High Point Public Library, 901 N. Main St., High Point, N.C. 5-7- p.m.

A free, family-friendly event featuring ZUMBA, food, prizes, a variety of local vendors, and stories from breast cancer survivors. Pre-register online through Oct. 7. bit.ly/2xM2r1J. Oct. 20 Edgewater Rally for the Cure Masquerade Edgewater Golf Club, 2380 Catawba Ridge Blvd., Lancaster, S.C. Edgewater Golf Club kicks off its Rally for the Cure event with a masquerade dinner and dance featuring silent auction, raffle, dinner and drinks in an elegant semi-formal setting. Doors open

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at 6 pm. Tickets are $25 per person or $300 for a table for eight and can be purchased through Oct. 15. To order, contact Bobbi Ann Helgeson at (803) 627-8783 or bahelgeson@truhomesusa.com. komencharlotte.org/events/rally-for-the-cure. edgewatergc.com.

Oct. 21 Race for Hope 5K & Fun Run University Research Park, 10101 David Taylor Dr., Charlotte, N.C. 6:30-9:30 a.m.

The latest installment of the Healthy UCity Race Series will benefit Carolina Breast Friends as well as providing a scholarship to a local student. Race day registration opens at 6:30 a.m., 5K race begins at 8 a.m. and Fun Run kicks off at 9 a.m. raceforhope5k.racesonline.com Edgewater Rally for the Cure Golf Tourney & 5K Edgewater Golf Club, 2380 Catawba Ridge Blvd., Lancaster, S.C. 8:30 a.m. Race check-in 1 p.m. Golf tourney shotgun start Race participation fee is $30 for adults or $5 for students, with children 5 and other admitted free.

Golf tourney entrance is $80 per person or $300 for a team of four. Vendor Fair sponsorships begin at $50. Details and registration forms are available online. bit.ly/2fzOehD. Boobie Boot Camp D1 Sports Training of Raleigh, 6330 Mt. Herman Rd., Raleigh, N.C. 9:30 a.m.-1 p.m.

D1 Sports Training offers workouts for adults, teens, and kids ages 7 and up, giveaways from Dick’s Sporting Goods, food trucks and more. Admission is $5 per person. komennctc.org/boobie-boot-camp.

Shop for the Cure Komen NCTC and area boutiques team up for a second day.

Kendra Scott North Hills Location: 4321 Lassiter at North Hills Ave., Suite F100, Raleigh, N.C. SouthPoint Location: 8010 Renaissance Pkwy., Durham, N.C. 12-3 p.m.

Vineyard Vines 4350 Lassiter at North Hills Ave., Suite 114 Raleigh, N.C. 12-3 p.m.

life

Oct. 26 Pink Pumps and Bow Ties Dinner Carolina Country Club, 2500 Glenwood Ave., Raleigh, N.C. 5:30-9 p.m.

A formal evening featuring cocktails, dinner, dessert and live auction to benefit the Pretty in Pink Foundation, which provides financial assistance for medical treatment to qualified breast cancer patients. $200 for individual sponsorship. pipf17.gesture.com.

Oct. 28 Kickin’ Cancer Trail Ride Valhalla Stables, 6511 Arabia Rd., Lumber Bridge, N.C. 8:30 a.m.-5 p.m.

Valhalla Stables hosts this unique event with proceeds donated to Cape Fear Valley Cancer Center. Participants will have access to trails, obstacle course, dressage arena and more, and will be eligible to win the title of “most pinked out horse/rider combo.” Tickets start at $50 for adults and $35 for youth; family plans are also available.

Registration is open through Oct. 27 with preferred rates available through Oct. 15. Details and registration are available online. bit.ly/2hAJt8o. sixpencetoadollar.wixsite.com/kbctr.

CrossFit Versatile Barbells for Boobs Fundraiser CrossFit Versatile, 1105 Park Terrace, Greensboro, N.C. 9 a.m.-3 p.m.

Bring a friend and take part in this two-person partner workout competition to benefit Barbells for Boobs, a nonprofit organization which strives to promote early detection of breast cancer, particularly in women under 40 and men. Registration is $60 per team in any of three available difficulty categories. Spectators welcome. Tickets and contest information are available online. bit.ly/2xyfhkj.

Illustration Credits: Comauthor (ribbon), sognolucido (female figure) via Adobe Stock

Carolina Eagles Family Fall Fest Pipers Tavern, 8304 Falls of Neuse Rd., Raleigh, N.C. 2-7 p.m.

The Carolina Eagles hockey team and Pipers Tavern sponsor this festival featuring live music, corn hole tournament, raffle and silent auction. Tickets are $10 per person or $25 for a family of four. Corn hole tournament team entry fee is $25. Details or ticket purchase is available online. bit.ly/2fPMfCN.

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Focus on the LGBTQ Family

Domestic violence and the LGBTQ community Ways to get out and get help

by Amanda Brisson Cannavo :: guest contributor

Photo Credit: Ermolaev Alexandr via Adobe Stock

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his October marks the 30th anniversary of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Although domestic violence is a serious public health problem, there still remain misconceptions about the victims and the perpetrators of domestic violence. Oftentimes, there is a perception that domestic violence occurs among partners of the opposite sex; however, research indicates that domestic violence among same-sex couples occurs at similar rates to domestic violence among opposite-sex couples. It is estimated that one out of four to one out of three same-sex relationships have experienced domestic violence.

By comparison, one in every four heterosexual women experiences domestic violence in her lifetime. And those are just the instances that are reported, and do not include experiences of domestic violence where men are the victims.

Despite studies that show domestic violence impacts opposite-sex couples at a similar rate as same-sex couples, LGBTQ victims struggle to seek and obtain the services and protections needed to become a survivor. The patterns of abuse of opposite-sex and same-sex domestic violence

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are generally similar and often include: psychological and physical abuse; physical and sexual abuses often co-occur; and no race, ethnicity, or socio-economic status is exempt. Unfortunately, although the patterns are similar, LGBTQ victims may lack access to the same legal protections.

For example, in South Carolina, until a recent state Supreme Court decision, people in same-sex relationships were not afforded the same legal protections against domestic violence as opposite-sex couples. The law defined “household members” as a spouse, former spouse, people with a child in common, or men and women who are living or have lived together, but does not include unmarried same-sex couples. In the majority opinion, the Court wrote, “…we cannot find a reasonable basis for providing protection to one set of domestic violence victims — unmarried, cohabiting or formerly cohabiting, opposite-sex couples — while denying it to others,” and the decision deemed a portion of the state’s domestic violence law unconstitutional. Since the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision legalizing same-sex marriage, other states have also addressed this issue, and the gender-based language of its laws.

The decisions of courts and the amendments to state laws are an important advancement in protecting LGBTQ victims of domestic violence, but it is only one step in addressing this serious public health problem. Whether you suspect a friend or family member is suffering from domestic violence, or you live in an unsafe, abusive environment, please know you are not alone. If you feel your life or the life of your child is in danger, it is time to seek help, make a plan, and leave.

Here are some steps you, or your friend or family member, should take: Call 911: If you or your child is in immediate danger, call 911, and do not hesitate to do so. Victims and survivors of domestic violence sometimes hesitate to ask for emergency assistance for a number of reasons. Whatever your reasoning may be, it is imperative that you do not rationalize away your need for help.

Remember “better to be safe than sorry.” When you fear for your or your child’s safety, call 911!

Seek Help and Talk to Someone You Trust: Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, race,

ethnicity, sexual orientation or income. Both women and men can be victims of domestic violence. Talk about what is happening with family, friends, neighbors or co-workers. If you do not feel comfortable speaking with someone you know, there are organizations that can help. To get help or for more information about domestic violence, call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

Make a Safety Plan: A safety plan is meant to keep you and your children safe. It addresses a number of issues that victims of domestic violence face while in a relationship, planning to leave, or after leaving. Since each victim’s situation is unique, your safety plan should address your particular needs. In general, when making a safety plan, ask yourself the following questions: who can I call, where can I go to be safe and what should I include in my emergency bag (i.e., money, clothes, copies of important documents and copies of keys).Be sure to gather any documents or evidence you will need before attempting to get a protective order. Once you have a plan in place, leave.

File Your Complaint for Domestic Violence Protective Order Sooner Rather than Later: The longer you wait, the harder it is to preserve evidence, and it could appear to the court that you are not actually in fear. Judges may question the severity of the situation and whether you are afraid of the abuser if there is a delay between the incident and filing. Be thorough and organized in filling out a Complaint for a Protective Order. Magistrates and judges get hundreds of these requests each month and they have very limited time in which to make decisions on all these cases. Provide as much detail as you can on the complaint, but do so in a manner that is detailed and organized. Include specific dates and summaries of events so the court has a basis for granting the relief requested. Because LGBTQ victims may lack access to the same legal protections, you may need to seek the assistance of an attorney.

Domestic violence among same-sex couples is a serious public health concern and, depending on where the victim resides, LGBTQ victims may encounter additional challenges in seeking and obtaining the services and protections needed to become a survivor. As we enter into the 30th anniversary of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we need to combat the misconceptions about the victims and perpetrators of domestic violence and raise awareness to change these perceptions. If you, or your friend or family member, are a victim of domestic violence, take action, and work towards becoming a survivor. : : — Amanda Brisson Cannavo is a family law attorney with Sodoma Law, P.C. She holds bar admissions from North Carolina and South Carolina, and is a member of Charlotte Women Attorneys.

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life

Focus on the LGBTQ Family

Same-sex couple has the ‘nuclear family’ Ginger Brock, Katie Boone share pride and children

by Maria Dominguez :: qnotes staff

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their food at the table, and stay within 10 o see a living representation of feet of the campsite, and they’re still like LGBTQ progress, look no further that. They listen, they behave. Outside is than a cute, comfy home nestled where kids are meant to live.” in the trees of suburban south Charlotte, Of course, getting away from it all N.C. There live the Brock-Boone clan, and having some couple’s bonding whose lives have illustrated shifting time isn’t always as easy. time, attitudes and laws surrounding “It’s been so long since we had LGBTQ rights. a date,” Ginger lamented. “My ideal Ginger Brock, 40, and Katie Boone, date, food is definitely involved. I feel 39, met as rival rugby players when their like I haven’t had a warm meal in five teams faced off in the early moments years…really good food and a concert. of the new millennium. While Brock’s The last concert we went to was the team at the University of North Carolina Avett Brothers. Uninterrupted sleep at Wilmington and Boone’s William and would be included.”

Mary team attempted to tackle and As any parent knows, however, score, the two women set eyes on the sleep deprivation and cold leftovers face of their life partners. don’t mean much in the big picture.

“Rugby teams like to party a lot,” “Just watching them grow every Brock laughed. “So I’d drive up to see day, watching them do something new them, and she’d drive up to see us.” or understand something they didn’t, Party buddies became more serious and knowing that, you know, you’ve on a gloomy midnight in the rougher been listening! Just seeing who they parts of Wilmington, N.C. Sent out to put are gives me such joy every day,” gas in Katie’s car, Ginger Brock found Ginger said. “[Colin] loves to hear the herself reflecting at the pump. She says stories of how he grew in my belly, and that this was the moment she knew their in Katie’s heart, and how she cooked relationship would go the distance. really good food so he could grow big.” “[Ginger’s] like, ‘I would only do this For a little boy of four years, befor you’,” Katie Boone said, smiling. coming a big brother is a momentous “This is a long-haul kind of commitment, event. Colin’s energetic, affectionate a midnight gas run to the shady gas personality intensified as his baby station.” sister made her way into the world.

Seventeen years later, Ginger and “It was really fun for him to watch Katie are five years’ married with two her grow,” Katie reflected. “He could happy, healthy kids. Colin, five, came not wait for the baby to get here. He dealong when the pair had been together cided that, right now it’s a girl, but when for over a decade. Their decision to start it pops out it will be a boy. He had a lot a family was a long time coming, and of theories about how that works.” even in 2012 it wasn’t an easy one.

“Colin is such a sweet, sweet “We got married once Ginger was kid,” Ginger said. “He’s getting used to pregnant. You have to sort of cover all kindergarten. It takes a lot for him to be your bases,” Katie said. “At that point, good all day, so he releases that when our marriage didn’t mean that much in he gets home.” terms of the laws. We got married in As for the baby sister, if Wren New York, and we actually had Colin in resists the urge to steal her brother’s Washington, D.C. so that I could be on Legos, she’s busy squealing with joy the birth certificate.” and making her voice heard. She’s very Soon after, North Carolina’s tempted by the Legos, though.

Amendment One debacle to ban same“Since very early, she’s been like, sex marriage presented another trial for ‘I’m going to get what I want, you’re gotheir growing family. Ginger, Katie and ing to get it for me, you’re going to do it tiny Colin went together to the polls. now, get out of my way’,” Katie laughed.

“We encountered a lady who was “Wren is a firecracker. At 10 just making comments,” Katie said.

Katie Boone and Ginger Brock (left to right) enjoy time with their son Colin and daughter Wren. months we can tell she’s got a strong “We’re walking in together, and she will,” said Ginger. “She can vocalize didn’t seem to realize what we were.”

Now, the open, sunny rooms of the family home have a exactly what it is she wants, but she’s such a happy, smiley baby.

Then she did. distinct air of contented peace of mind. Colin and Wren have an It’s hard to differentiate her screams of ‘I’m in pain’ from her “She was very vocal,” Ginger recalled. “She was like, ‘what entire playroom just off the kitchen, but their colorful toys litter screams of ‘I’m happy.’ They’re all kind of the same.” do you guys do about that baby?’” the house in the typical fashion of small children.

Colin is just as mischievous and energetic. He drags his “We just walked away,” sighed Katie.

Ginger works from home as a clinical researcher, and Katie moms all over town, from pumpkin-picking at Hall Family Farm to Little Wren, now 10 months old, was an entirely different does part-time marketing and is pursuing her Master’s in counLYNX train rides and even the rainbow storefront of Central Ave. story for the family. After their marriage became nationally valid seling. Even with both parents at home much of the time, Katie “Colin loves going to White Rabbit,” Ginger said. “He likes with the 2015 Supreme Court decision on Obergefell v. Hodges, and Ginger say that parenthood sure ain’t easy. taking the underwear down and taking it through the security the couple returned to Charlotte’s REACH fertility clinic to bring a “I’m in awe of people who can single parent, because to me, beeper. Luckily they’re very patient.” baby girl into the world. the most important thing in parenting is the ability to tap out and The chaos of parenthood has its own rewards, these women “When Wren was born, we had her at University Hospital. I take a break,” Katie said. “Not having that would be hard.” know. Even with the everyday pressures of errands, school, work still did a step-parent adoption, but we did it here in Charlotte and Luckily, the family gets away from the bustle of city life every and desperately trying to get some sleep, Ginger Brock and Katie it was so much easier,” Katie said. “I remember the first time I once in a while; one of their frequent family trips is an unplugged Boone have no regrets. held [Colin], it was all of that stress and all of that fear, and I was campsite with a group of parents and children Colin’s age.

“Growing up LGBT, this nuclear family was not something terrified. And I think it went beyond the terror of having a new “The first time [we went], when the kids were two, everyone was that I thought I could have,” Ginger said. “It’s a crazy life, but it’s baby. The second time around I could enjoy it. Those fears had terrified that they were going to get lost in the woods or step in the a wonderful life. I’m living my dream.” : : been assuaged a little.” fire,” Katie laughed. “But they all sat in their tiny little chairs, and eat

Oct. 6-19. 2017

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views

Legal Eagles

Focus on the LGBTQ Family Estate Planning

by Justin R. Ervin, III :: guest contributor

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inancial planning is an integral part of family life, whether budgeting to pay monthly bills, planning for severe illness or other crisis, or working toward a goal (purchasing a home, educating children or retirement). A comprehensive estate plan is an important part of the overall financial plan for any family and should include a Will, a Trust (if appropriate), a financial Power of Attorney, a Health Care Power of Attorney and a Living Will.

When I speak to groups, I often ask how many in the audience have a will; usually few have. If you have not created a will of your own, then the intestacy laws of the state in which you live impose a will on you and dictate who will inherit your assets. The results can come as quite a surprise. Consider the recent widow who assumes that she will inherit all of her wife’s assets, but ends up co-owning her home with her in-laws; or the widower who finds out days before closing that he must deal with his late husband’s ex-wife and go to court for permission to sell the home that he now coowns with his minor step-children. It is easy to avoid these issues by preparing a will.

In addition to directing who inherits your assets, a properly-drafted will can: (1) name an executor, the person who will wrap up your affairs after your death; (2) nominate a guard-

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ian for your minor children in case no legally-recognized parent survives; (3) waive bond, avoiding a possibly unnecessary estate administration expense; and even (4) include trust provisions for a child or disabled beneficiary.

An estate plan includes other integral documents to protect you and your loved ones both during your lifetime and after your death. A financial power of attorney lets you name another person to pay your bills and handle your financial affairs, for example, in case you become disabled.

A health care power of attorney lets you name another person to make your healthcare decisions if you become unable to do so. A living will lets you specify what type of care you do or don’t want at the end of your life.

You probably also need a trust if: (1) you or your spouse/partner has children from a previous relationship; or if you want to provide for a loved one who (2) is a minor; (3) is disabled; (4) has a history of substance abuse or other compulsive behaviors; or (5) lacks the ability to handle money effectively. Clients with significant assets might use a trust for tax reasons or to preserve family wealth for multiple generations.

Other documents that might be important for your estate plan include pre- and post-nup-

Photo Credit: Viacheslav Iakobchuk via Adobe Stock

tial agreements, deeds and documents related to succession planning for a business.

An estate plan is crucial for couples who choose not to marry, for blended families, for parents of minor children and for non-traditional families (triads, polyamorous families). Even with marriage equality, an estate plan is still an important tool to ensure the integrity of a relationship during crisis and to protect your loved ones. It can lend legitimacy to a relationship in the eyes of homophobic parents and others who might discount or choose to ignore the relationship. An estate plan is also important for a married couple who has any degree of open relationship.

Individuals not related to each other by blood, marriage or adoption lack any sort of legal protection in many states. The laws of some states severely punish married partners who are non-monogamous via claims for alienation of affection or criminal conversation and by barring claims for alimony. A comprehensive estate plan can address these issues.

A properly-qualified estate planning attorney will take time to learn about you, your family, and your goals to create a comprehensive and coherent estate plan specifically suited to your needs.

Good questions to ask an attorney with whom you want to work include: (1) how long have you been practicing estate planning; (2) what portion of your practice does estate planning comprise; (3) what’s the nature of your experience with estate planning for members of the LGBTQIA communities and non-traditional families; (4) do you charge an hourly rate or a flat fee; and (5) what are those fees and how will you bill me?

As an attorney whose practice focuses on estate planning, I frequently meet with families in crisis whose options are limited by a lack of planning. Don’t wait for a crisis; make a plan now! : : — Justin R. Ervin, III is an attorney in practice at Johnson, Peddrick & McDonald PLLC in Greensboro, N.C.

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life

Focus on the LGBTQ Family

Loving those left behind: caring for older kids in foster care Foster care professionals and parents speak out

by Maria Dominguez :: qnotes staff

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henever stories are shared about adopting or fostering children, much of the time the lucky kids are infants, toddlers or very young children.

LGBTQ parents often turn to fostering and adoption to have families, in many cases due to difficulty getting pregnant. These generalizations are not always the case, since older children and LGBTQ parents can find truly happy homes together.

“In my experience foster and adoptive parents typically want to work with and/or adopt babies and younger children,” said Nakia Batts, an 18-year veteran of family services agencies. This leaves older children who, “instead of rising up to their potential, they usually respond by behaving down to the preconceived notions.”

Batts is the N.C. executive director of Lutheran Services Carolinas, an agency made up of two social ministry organizations: Lutheran Services for the Aging and Lutheran Family Services, which serves children in foster care and adoption services. The primary reason that older children struggle harder to find homes, Batts said, is simple ignorance — an issue that many LGBTQ people have faced themselves.

“There is a misconception that older children bring more challenges, have severe problems and are harder to maintain,” Batts told qnotes. “Older children in foster care face the stigma of being unmanageable, set in their ways and having too many behavioral issues. This is a huge problem because parents do not think they can reach this population.”

Rachel and Alesa Rosenfeld of Charlotte, N.C., know the falsity of this notion from their decades of fostering youth. Rachel, a school psychologist, and Alesa, an afterschool teacher with two biological children, made it their mission to give homes to the older children who are often left behind in favor of cute babies and lisping toddlers.

“My first job was in residential treatment,” Rachel Rosenfeld explained. “I decided then that I could make a difference with one child in my home that I never could with 64. Because of my background and training, I really wanted to work with older and harder-to-place youth. It feels like a calling to me.”

It’s a calling that can lead to endless fulfillment, said Batts, whose organization functions as a foster care and adoption agency with offices in many cities.

LGBTQ couples and individuals can provide a welcome and loving place for older kids to receive care when they fall into the foster care system.

“Rewards for parents are seeing the differences one Photo Credit: oneinchpunch via Adobe Stock can make in someone’s life, no matter the age,” Batts said. “And assisting youth in identifying opportunities they Lutheran Services Carolinas, Batts’ organization, not only foster care, adoption is not an option, and they end up on the didn’t know they had, and building healthy long-lasting relationincludes LGBTQ parents and youth, but strives provide more streets, especially for those who have no support system. Some ships with adults — for some this is the first time in their lives.” targeted services for members of this underserved population. children who age out, are not prepared or ready to step into the The Rosenfelds have lived to build these long-lasting connec“We recently received grant funding to enhance our existing next chapter of their lives.” tions, providing opportunities and nurturing that many of their foster foster care program to provide services specifically catered Doing their part to fill that gap, the Rosenfelds have gone kids lacked in former homes. One of the Rosenfelds’ recent foster for youth who identify as LGBTQ,” Batts shared. “Children who through additional training in order to work with older youth. The children did “age out” of the program — turning 18 without much identify as LGBTQ [have] the added stressors (outside of being couple’s foster agency sponsored them to attend the Transhealth means of independent living — but remains close with the mothers placed into care) of being misunderstood, lacking acceptance Conference in Philadelphia, Pa. in order to better serve transgenwho gave them a home. These parents know that a birthday does by others, and stereotypes surrounding the LBGTQ community der youth in foster care. Unfortunately, the mothers said, even not mean as much as a strong foundation for independent living. affects their experience.” “the system” doesn’t always provide the best support for older “They are 19 and tried living with biological family and friends,” Foster and adoption agencies generally do disclose parents’ children and their foster parents.

Rosenfeld explained. “That didn’t work out, so they moved back in and children’s LGBTQ identities, Batts said, in order “to ensure a “Most of the resources out there are for parents of younger chilwith us. We are working on helping them reach independence.” clinically appropriate match so that the family and/or child can a dren,” Alesa Rosenfeld said. “We have had to find many resources Unfortunately, not all foster children have such support when make an informed decision prior to a placement.” Although this can ourselves and have done that more so in the community than in our they come of age. Youth often go through multiple foster placebe a disadvantage, for the Rosenfelds, it turned out to be a blessing. foster parent agency. We take classes through our agency and kind ments while trying to find “the right fit,” Batts said. This instability “Being an LGBTQ couple has made us more open when it of tweak what we learn to apply it to our older children.” has lasting effects on a young person reaching adulthood; they comes to LGBTQ kids. Unfortunately, many foster parents don’t Although there are gaps in resources provided for older may “age out” of services without the experience to prepare for want these kids in their homes,” Alesa Rosenfeld said. “So foster kids and their foster parents, determined parenting like unaided, independent life. our reputation precedes us, and when our agency gets a call the Rosenfelds’ can make up the difference. For LGBTQ youth, “There are very few programs available in N.C. to assist about LGBTQ kids, they usually call us. They know there will be who make up 40 percent of homeless teens according to a 2012 these youth in transitioning out of ‘the system’ and into an adult no prejudice here and they will be welcomed and allowed to Williams Insititute study, finding an accepting foster family is an home,” Batts said. “There are many children who age out of be themselves.” : : even bigger challenge.

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a&e

Theatre Lights

‘The Red Shoes’ dances its way into Charlotte after stunning audiences in London and Los Angeles The critically-acclaimed ballet tells the tragic tale of competing passions

by Jeff Taylor :: qnotes contributor

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its strong campy nature, agrees with Graham’s assessment of the intersection and imitation of life and art found in this ballet about a ballet company.

He echoed Graham’s statement on the incredible amount of work and sacrifice necessary to become successful in dance, as well as the extended time spent away from loved ones.

Part of what makes that sacrifice worth it is knowing that the audiences appreciate and respond to the performances that come at the end of all that hard work and dedication.

Mower reports that they are being rewarded in that arena in spades, with the U.S. premiere shows in Los Angeles bringing accolades and boisterous crowd response.

“The audiences in LA are really incredible,” he says. “I don’t think we’ve ever really received a reaction quite like it.”

“I think comparing it to British audiences,” he continues, “British audiences are a little bit more reserved, and I guess a little bit more shy, and then I guess more appreciative at the end. Whereas the audiences here are just so raucous, and people are not scared to react to something that’s funny, or if something is sad, or they’ll applaud kind of mid-show, which is really amazing. So, it’s nice to get that response.”

“We’re quite overwhelmed by the audience response,” Graham agrees.

Those audiences have included some Glenn Graham left, plays Grischa Ljubov and celebrities, Graham shares, including Angela Sergei Ratov in ‘The Red Shoes.’

Lansbury, Paula Abdul, Michelle Visage from “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” artist David Hockney, and the cast of “Hamilton.”

Mower believes he knows why Bourne’s work has become so popular with audiences and critics alike.

“I think Matthew’s work reaches such a wider audience, and I think so many other people can relate to the work, because it’s down to earth, it’s gritty,” he says.

“You don’t come to one of his productions and just watch purely dance for two hours,” he continues. “There’s a story to follow, and the characters are really strong and stand at the forefront. So that’s really easy for people to just sit and get lost in the story, because there’s so much to take in, with characters you can follow and be with on their journey.”

If you wish to follow that journey as it makes a stop in the Carolinas, you can find more information and purchase tickets by going to blumenthalarts.org. : :

t isn’t hard for the performers in Matthew Bourne’s criticallyacclaimed production of “The Red Shoes” to relate to the ballet’s central story of being torn between two competing passions, says dancer Glenn Graham.

“There’s a sense of truth [to the performances],” Graham, who plays Grischa Ljubov and Sergei Ratov, tells qnotes. “You know the feelings that the dancers are going through, you know the pain that they go through, you know the sort of sacrifice they have to give to the art.

“You don’t see your family, you don’t see your friends, you’re on tour all the time,” he adds. “So, a lot of that comes into play.

You can see that we’ve actually gone through those experiences…So there’s a lot of truth in there.”

The Hans Christian Andersen fairytale, turned Academy Award-winning movie, tells the story of Victoria Page, an ambitious young dancer who must choose between her love for her art form and for the young man with whom she has fallen in love.

After successful shows in London, U.K. and Los Angeles, Calif., and with another upcoming in Washington, D.C., “The Red Shoes” will swing through Charlotte, N.C. for a six-night run at the Blumenthal Performing Arts Center, from Oct. 17-22.

It reunites the team who produced another one of the company’s biggest worldwide hits, “Sleeping Beauty,” with set and costume designs by Lez Brotherston, Paule Constable on lighting and Paul Groothuis on sound.

“The Red Shoes” features a score by Terry Davies, using the music of Hollywood composer Bernard Herrmann, best known for collaborations with Alfred Hitchcock, Orson Welles and Martin Scorsese, performed live by the New Adventures Orchestra.

Liam Mower, who plays Ivan Boleslawsky, a performance that has been noted for

Sam Archer, above, plays Boris Lermontov in ‘The Red Shoes.’

Photo Credit: Johan Persson

Liam Mower, left, as Ivan Boleslawsky in a scene from ‘The Red Shoes.’

Photo Credit: Johan Persson

Ashley Shaw, right, dances in ‘The Red Shoes.’

Photo Credit: Johan Persson

Oct. 6-19. 2017

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life

Q-Culture

Out of the closet and off of the scale qnotes chases the truth about fat admiration

by Torie Dominguez :: guest contributor

P

erennially updated government statistics on type II diabetes, ads for hospital cardiac care units shouting for attention from the sides of city buses, and among those announcements’ target audience, the countless people afraid to seek counsel on very real medical risks, long experience having convinced them that every doctor’s go-to treatment is a substantial dose of shame. The inescapable notion that the primary concern of any new mom is to drop unsightly baby weight and every magazine’s apparent surety that only they have been clever enough to appropriate the phrase “Battle of the Bulge.”

Months of international headlines about a desperately ill Egyptian woman dubbed “the world’s heaviest,” accompanied by articles which read as though the sainted BBC had sought to replicate some slimy Victorian newsman’s coverage of Joseph Merrick. (Name doesn’t ring a bell? You may know him as the Elephant Man.) We, ladies and gentlemen, and those who are both, and those who are neither, have developed a serious obsession. Every society makes a big deal of beauty. Ours makes a big deal of bigness. If our dimensions are expanding, though, they’re not alone: virulent fatphobia is growing right alongside.

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freckles. Some stand in awe of the hirsute glory Growing, but not taking over — at least of bears and cubs, while others love their lovers not if the Fat Admirers (FA) of the world have silky smooth. What they all have in common, anything to say about it. Chubbies, as those of though, is the passionate conviction that bodies mouthwateringly ample assets are known, are condemned by a thin-worshipping society, writreceiving more reverence than ever before from ten off as undesirable or even grotesque, are in an increasingly open community of adoring fact not merely tolerable, but downright gorgeous. “chasers.” Just as labels like queer, So where does that leave the chubs? gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, Feeling pretty good, to say the least, omnisexual and a hundred especially if they’re chub-forothers can have unique meanchub — in other words, chasers ing to each individual who with more than a little heft of claims them, “fat admirer” and their own to brag about. “chubby chaser” are not necWhether we struggle essarily interchangewith body image able, nor are they insecurities or are mutually exclusive. more convinced Representing every than anyone that shade of gender we’re the hottest identity and sexual of hot stuff, the orientation, those who right kind of find themselves drawn admiration can to a fuller-than-average be a thrill that’s figure may consider tough to beat. themselves fetishists or The affirmaregard their desires as a tion, it should be preference no more noted, goes both deviant or noteworways (no pun thy than an apprePhoto Credit: YakobchukOlena via Adobe Stock intended). ciation of red hair and

And there’s even better news: in the physical as well as the digital world, chubs and chasers are creating unprecedented opportunities to connect with a community seemingly prouder and more populous by the day. From themed cruises to tailored smartphone apps and exclusive social networks — just one of which claims upwards of 140,000 members and is accessible in half a dozen languages — options abound for those plus-sized guys and admirers who refuse to sacrifice camaraderie for the ultimately insecure security of the orthodox.

Individual attributes and desires notwithstanding, the reality of “chubby chasing” is this: for a phenomenon so often painted as eccentric at best, chasers’ and chubs’ mutual devotion is, at its core, profoundly ordinary.

Friendships built on honesty bring a fulfillment encountered nowhere else; love, we hope, gives a new emotional resonance to our lives; even lust and longing can be transcendent.

Chubs and chasers seek nothing more and nothing less than to embrace these universal truths. If there is anything that sets them apart, it is only the conviction, both earnest and joyful, that a certain inescapable cliché falls far short of the mark — less, they proudly attest, is not necessarily more. : :

Oct. 6-19. 2017

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life

Scruff vs. buff

Face fuzz What does yours say about you?

by Dustin Shrader :: guest contributor

E

ven if you’re not a talker, your facial hair says a lot about who you are without ever having to utter a word.

They say clothes make the man, but where does facial hair come into play? Turns out, there’s a smorgasbord of versatility for gay boys willing to explore – whether you prefer a crisp look, a trimmed stache, or even a full-on Grizzly Adams.

Some gay men go so far as to put their facial hair where their personality isn’t. Now, don’t be that guy, but with options galore, we look at what a chosen style can add to your personal expression. And the good news is that you can wipe the slate clean and say something different next time.

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Beard You have a lot of profound confidence but it’s relatively quiet and subtle. Although you appreciate the beautiful imagery of life, you sir, are no peacock. Showing off isn’t your thing.

Clean Shaven You like neatness and order.

Whether or not you have a chiseled jawline that only a smooth face can accentuate perfectly, take note from the Scruffy boy and don’t take yourself too seriously.

Goatee The goatee screams refinement, yet you struggle with long-term commitment. If presented with making a decision, you will find a way to have the best of both worlds without committing to one or the other permanently. A relationship with you may work for now, but not forever.

Mountain Man (Long & Scraggly) A wild child who just don’t give a fuck. Full of energy, you have a taste for all things natural.

More inclined toward comfortability, you keep a level head for whatever life throws your way. Keep it hanging loose, man.

Mustache Ah, the nostalgic. You long for the glory days. You put all your energy into a few projects but can’t really focus on more than one thing. Dom from “Looking” is your spirit animal.

Soul Patch No, just no. This isn’t the ‘90s, and you’re not Apollo Ono or Jackie Chan. Hell, you’re not even JLo’s boy toy Casper Smart.

Kiss the soul goodbye.

Scruff (5 O’clock Shadow) A hardworking man. You vie for success and do what it takes without getting wrapped up in superficiality of appearance. But when all the work is done, you’re not afraid to hit the town, looking fly, ready to party the night away.

Chinstrap Preferred by twinks and athletes, you are simply an enigma. People may question your motives, but you don’t care.

A man of mystery doesn’t answer to anyone but himself. Unexplainable, you do you and that is all that matters.

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Van Dyke You’re unconventional with a touch of weirdness that is undeniably sexy. A bit of a hipster, you’re a guy who loves a good local craft or checking out the latest indie group at the local watering hole.

Mutton Chops OK, MC. You’re a man’s man. A downright Jackman Wolverine wannabe. You’re big, you’re bad, you love your bike.

It is your world and we are just living in it, baby.

— This article was originally published in the now-shuttered David Atlanta magazine and is reprinted with permission.

Photo Credit: baibaz via Adobe Stock

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The Endless Benefits of Exercise

What exercise can do for your body, and how you can start exercising today!

The benefits of exercise have long been supported by research and are proving to be beneficial, not only for your physical health, but also mental health and mood. There is strong scientific evidence that being physically active can help you lead a healthier and happier life. People who exercise regularly have up to a 35 percent lower risk of coronary heart disease and stroke, up to a 50 percent lower risk of type 2 diabetes, and a 30 percent lower risk of early death, to name a few.

Exercise can help with weight control, reducing risks of cardiovascular disease, and increase energy among many other things.

Exercise activates a part of your brain called the ventral prefrontal cortex, which helps improve decision-making and emotional processing. Therefore, you are able to think more clearly and make better decisions.

In addition, you are able to process negative emotions more appropriately, so you can focus on staying positive. Exercise also helps you resist stress, tension, and anxiety. Exercise increases your serotonin levels, which relieves those negative emotions you may have, and allows you to focus on the positive things in life. Exercise also increases the activity level in the hippocampus, a part of your brain that is involved in emotions.

The hippocampus helps form new memories and retrieve old ones; therefore, exercise is associated with improving your memory. Maybe even more importantly, exercise may increase

Taking office meetings on the move can increase stamina and physical health, as well as providing for a break from the norm.

Photo Credit leungchopan via Adobe Stock

body satisfaction and predict happiness. With exercise boosting your endorphins and blood flow, you can experience increased energy and feel good about yourself and your hard work.

Recent recommendations suggest that adults should participate in at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity activity each week and kids should participate in at least 60 minutes

of moderate or vigorous intensity activity each day. Moderate activities include walking, biking, or gardening. Vigorous activities include running, high-intensity interval training (HIIT), mountain climbing, or calisthenics.

No more excuses! There are plenty of ways to get exercise throughout the day, even if you are busy at work or around the house. Here are a few things you can do to fit in some extra exercise throughout your day: • Arrive at work early to walk around the building or in surrounding neighborhoods.

• Make the gym a pit stop on the way home from work.

• Schedule walking meetings instead of sit down meetings in a conference room.

• When going out with friends, park a significant distance from your meet up spot and walk the rest of the way.

• When taking public transportation, get off a stop or two before your destination and walk the rest of the way.

• Schedule a regular walking date with an exercise buddy.

• Take your dog for a walk instead of just letting your furry friend run around in the yard.

• For those who do not have a pet, offer to take a friend’s dog for a walk.

So stop thinking of exercise as a chore or something you have to get out of the way. Now, think of it as a lifestyle and a habit that will benefit you in so many other areas of your life.

Warm weather isn’t quite over just yet. So get outside and start moving!

Oct. 6-19. 2017

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life

LGBTQ History Month

Stonewall Rebellion It wasn’t Judy!

by Perry Brass :: guest contributor

M

any things have been said and written about “Stonewall,” the historic confrontation in June 1969 after a police raid at the Stonewall Inn, a Mafia-run gay bar on Christopher St. in New York City’s Greenwich Village that ignited the Gay Revolution — and an incredible change in attitudes and feelings about queer people throughout the world.

Among them, it happened on the night of a full moon, so a lot of the craziness on the streets can be blamed on that — not true. Another rumor is that it was all sparked by the death — and funeral, at Frank E. Campbell’s mortuary, Uptown on Madison Ave. and 83rd, around the corner from the Metropolitan Museum — of gay icon Judy Garland. The “girls” were just so discombobulated by grief that they let go of all restraint and started breaking windows, uprooting parking meters (remember them?), throwing 40-pound garbage cans through the windows and even biting cops on the legs.

Again, no!

The Judy Garland Myth, I’ve always felt, was the most pernicious of them all: Basically, it said that it took Garland’s death to make LGBTQ people angry enough to fight back. That was not true: We had been fighting back all along; there were numerous instances of us doing so against huge odds. Just a few were the melee

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at Cooper Donuts in Los Angeles, Calif. in 1959; a 1965 action by San Francisco, Calif.’s groundbreaking gay-friendly Council on Religion and the Homosexual when the cops tried to close down a drag ball the council sponsored to raise funds; also in 1965, the racially mixed “sit-in” at Dewey’s, an all-night coffee shop in Philadelphia, Pa.’s Rittenhouse Square, after its management refused service to “masculine women and feminine men”; the famous and really brutal Compton’s Cafeteria riots in San Francisco in 1966; and the “Sip-in” in Julius’, an ostensibly straight bar in Greenwich Village, that same year.

People who were at Stonewall (and I was around the corner at another bar both nights, but came out for it on the second night) have all emphatically denied any Garland connection — including Thomas Lanigan-Schmidt, a reliable witness; the late Jerry Hoose, who was later in the Gay Liberation Front; and David Carter in his well-researched book “Stonewall: the Riots that Sparked the Gay Revolution.” I can certainly say that, in my own youth, in that period, Garland was as far away from my mind as Uranus. Like most kids on their own in New York (I was 21 then), we were mostly centered on trying to survive in what was a much more contentious city. I describe New York in that period as a place of endless “class, race and ethnic resentment,” as

well as knife-to-the-throat homophobia (police entrapment; regular violence and harassment on the streets; and at work, intimidation and even blackmail) that was only slightly moderated by having enough money — i.e., those often-talkedabout “rich queens” — that you could float along in some bubble above street level.

Power did not come from the streets then as we later felt, when gay groups joined other identity groups and seriously organized. What the Judy Myth did was make many older, “bourgeois” gay men, lesbians and their allies feel comfortable. If what happened at Stonewall was outside their comfort zone — and for many it was — they could feel all gooey and happy knowing that the “girls” were driven to this by some of the feelings they had: sadness over the death of Mickey Rooney’s girlfriend in those sweet 1930s musicals from their youth. As Mark Segal, publisher of Philadelphia Gay News, said in a recent column about the Judy Myth: “It trivializes the riot and our actions, especially those of the street kids and trans people.”

Trivializing us was a constant in that period: If queers did it, it had to be stupid, worthless or shallow. It could not come from any deeper feelings, and it certainly could not be born out of rage, anger, passion or honesty. It was certain we had none of these: We were the “decorative”

elements of society that could be wiped away when mainstream power decided our presence was no longer worth it. So blaming a truly violent event of people standing up to the brute might of the New York City Police Department — with all its riot gear, tear gas, horses, squad cars, night sticks and guns — on the death, of all people, Judy Garland…well, you could certainly gloat about that around cocktails on the Upper East Side. You could do a great, superior “Tsk, tsk” about it. But it was a lie.

Judy in her casket at Frank E. Campbell’s had nothing to do with Stonewall. We did. : : — Perry Brass’s 19 books include fiction, nonfiction, poetry, short stories and bestsellers like “The Manly Art of Seduction” and “King of Angels, A Novel About Childhood’s End and Sexual Awakening in Kennedy Era Savannah, Georgia.” His work often deals with the heartfelt feelings that came from his roots in New York’s Gay Liberation Front directly after the Stonewall uprising. He is a founding coordinator of the Rainbow Book Fair.

More info at www.perrybrass.com.

Oct. 6-19. 2017

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health and wellness

by Jack Kirven :: personal trainer, qnotes contributor

Working In: Social Wellness

I

n the last update for this column (which you can find at goqnotes. com/52985), I mentioned that I wanted to do a better job of describing ways of “working in,” as opposed to “working out.” As such, the last entry was deeply personal, and this one will be too.

In the last update, I described a failed suicide attempt. I want to use my current regimen as an example of how long you have to persevere to get in shape. Yes, it can take months and years to lose enough weight and build enough muscle to have a visible six pack; however, it can take that long to make other gains as well.

One of the facets of health I’ve allowed to atrophy over the years is Social Wellness.

All the facets of wellness are intertwined: Physical, Intellectual, Psychological, Emotional, Financial, Sexual, Social and Spiritual.

One common consequence of psychological depression is social withdrawal. It may come as a surprise to people who know me as a loud, outgoing prankster, but I’m actually an introvert. I greatly prefer time to myself, and although I love people, I also need lots of time to recover my energy after spending time around others. That isn’t a dig at anyone in particular, it’s just that I give lots of myself, and I require significant time alone to recharge. Combine that with my dislike of crowded, noisy places (especially where alcohol is involved), and I already have a tendency to practically never go out.

Add depression to it, and I ended up cloistering myself in my beautiful sanctuary apartment like a hermit.

That’s very dangerous. We as people generally have a real need for other human beings. Whether we particularly like others or not, it’s extremely important to hear other people’s ideas and perspectives (especially if they disagree with us). Without these external voices, it becomes very easy to fall into an internalized echo chamber. In this alternate reality all sorts of illogical ideas

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life

Getting out with friends and being social makes for a healthier lifestyle.

Photo Credit: Monkey Business via Adobe Stock

gradually make perfect sense. We need the interruption of ourselves that others provide. Whether it’s their words, thoughts, actions or moods, it’s healthy to experience their difference.

I’ve been achingly slow to engage with this part of my healing process. But I have begun making faltering attempts. The chess club didn’t work out, because you just sit there with one person not talking. The networking events with professionals were exasperating, because I can pretend to be interested in buying only so many life insurance policies from only so many salespeople. I did play a couple seasons of dodgeball at Stonewall Sports, and I absolutely love the people on my team; however, we only met on game days, and the people on other teams wouldn’t even speak to me. So playing helped a bit, but not as much as I’d hoped. There are very awesome people at Stonewall, but I felt like it was too much work to break into the cliques whose T-shirts were a different color from mine.

But I did stumble recently into a socializing opportunity that genuinely made me eager to go out more. I actually want to flex these socializing muscles! It’s like a New Year’s resolution, but I do want to honor it. After first rejecting the invitation, I spontaneously decided to attend the 2017 White Party in Charlotte. It took me a couple hours to loosen up, but then the DJ messed up and played my jam!

Over the course of the evening I got reacquainted with many delightful people I’d forgotten how much I enjoy. Oh, and what happened in the last few years since I disappeared? When did Charlotte get absolutely overrun with so many cute LGBTQ people? I mean, I suddenly feel motivated not only to go out, but

also to attempt dating again. That’s a shocking about-face for me, and it shows me how important it is to remain open to new experiences. It was a beautiful event with beautiful people who were there to support some beautiful charities.

For me, this is the part of the “working in” that creates the unpleasant burn that my clients complain about when I make them do pushups. This is my fitness regime. This is my struggle with losing weight. The weight I need to lose might be different than yours, but we all have work to do to improve ourselves. If you find a modality of training that makes you really excited to exercise, then do it. Enjoy it, and lose yourself in the swimming, playing, lifting, cycling or walking. I need to find my modality for socializing. Even though I know there will be aches and pains, my Social Wellness is an integral part of my health, and it requires exercise. If you see me around, please say hello. I need the workout buddies. : : info: Jack Kirven completed the MFA in Dance at UCLA, and earned certification as a personal trainer through NASM. His wellness philosophy is founded upon integrated lifestyles as opposed to isolated workouts. Visit him at jackkirven.com and INTEGRE8Twellness.com.

goqnotes.com/to/arts

tell trinity

by Trinity :: qnotes contributor :: trinity@telltrinity.com

Bisexuals: Do they really mean business?

Hey Trinity, I’m sick of hearing about bisexuals not being this or not wanting that. Doesn’t anyone have anything good to say about bisexuals?

Just Say Bi, Salt Lake City, UT Hey Just Say Bi, Different than heterosexuals or homosexuals, bisexuals simply have an ability to feel attraction towards both sexes. They’re definitely not “towing the line” or non-committal, no more or less than any other sexual group. That’s a myth!

Being bisexual does not mean, “I want to sleep with everyone.” It means, “I choose to see beauty in everyone.” Plus a bisexual’s idea of sex and commitment is just like straights or gays who also have issues with sex and commitment. I personally think we’re all born bisexual and learn to hide, express and/or discover our own divine sexuality. Oh, and honey, bisexuals also have a higher income ratio, just kidding!

Dearest Trinity, I met a guy and got married very quickly.

Two months later he insisted on having an “open relationship.” Now, four years later after not having sex for two years, we are divorcing.

I really wanted this to work.

What Now, Toronto, Canada

Dearest What Now, Some men want to have their cake and eat it too, but not every spouse is willing to keep baking. You were not so smart to get married so fast or to stay for so long under those rules.

You must have been a saint or an ancient slave because in this life you really deserve more. So give up your martyrdom status, get that divorce, and let this man deal with his own sexual issues. Pumpkin, it’s time to choose a new and healthier relationship that includes sex, love and self-respect. Good luck!

Dear Trinity, I don’t mean to, but I worry about everything. Help! I’m worried!

Sincerely Worried, Glen Falls, NY Dear Sincerely Worried, “Life is beautiful and perfect and whole,” says the Buddha. Keep remembering that. Try Bach Flower Rescue Remedy at your local health food store. And, lastly, sweetie, if it’s not gonna be a problem a year from now, then don’t waste time on it today. Oh, and a martini once in while really helps! (When you get worried, no matter what the season may be, do what I do — rock it out, as you can see when you take a look at my cartoon.)

a&e

Hello Trinity, I keep ending up dating losers. I know I should know better, but how do you know when you’re dating a loser or if you just need more patience?

Loser’s Luck, Louisville, KY Hello Loser’s Luck, There really is no Internet search engine for “The Loser List.” However, darling, besides never lending money, never giving someone your house keys and never being afraid to say, “I need more time,” here’s: Trinity’s Eye Opening Scenarios For When You’re Dating A Loser 1. She habitually lies about everything, never mind lying about meaningless things like buying eggs.

2. He can’t keep a job for more than a month, never mind always getting fired for being late, argumentative and lazy.

3. She constantly gets D.U.I.s, never mind still insisting on driving drunk.

4. He’s a member of a street gang, never mind his prison buddies who never seem to leave your house.

5. She gets stoned every day, never mind the excessive use of other drugs on the weekends.

6. He never shows up or calls when he’s late or can’t come, never mind when he disappears for days at a time.

7. She never says anything nice, never mind always starting a sentence with the “F” word.

8. He has a history of felonies and misdemeanors, never mind his addictions to lighting fires, harassing people of authority and shoplifting.

9. S he has a history of bad relationships including parents, teachers, lovers and friends, never mind the low self-esteem.

10. Lastly, he just lays there during sex, just sits there watching TV and just stands there when it’s time to clean up, never mind always complaining about how “You do nothing!” : : info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

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EVENTS October 2017 NC Faith Forward SEP OCT MO Holiday Inn Charlotte University 8520 University Executive Park Dr., Charlotte 9 a.m-12 p.m.

The NC Faith Forward Coalition presents an event to bring the LGBTQ and ally community together to strategize about the future of the community. Activities will include relationship building, storytelling skills tips, and more. Registration is available online. Other locations with events include: Durham, Oct. 10, 9:30 p.m., LGBTQ Center of Durham, 114 Hunt St.; Greensboro, Oct. 24, 9:30 a.m., Guilford College, Founders Hall, 5800 W. Friendly Ave.; Wilmington, 10 a.m., Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Wilmington, 4313 Lake Ave.; and Asheville, Nov. 11, time/location TBD. bit.ly/2haiHzz.

Continues through Oct. 14 Cirque Goes to the Cinema Belk Theater 130 N. Tryon St., Charlotte 7:30 p.m.

The Charlotte Symphony Orchestra presents Cirque de la Symphonie bringing a spectacle for the senses, with aerial flyers, acrobats, contortionists and more.

Christopher James Lees will conduct for the two performances. Tickets start at $19 and are available online. blumenthalarts.org.

SEP OCT MO

00 13 07 00

PFLAG Meeting, featuring SEP OCT MO MTV’s “Promposal” couple Trinity United Church of Christ 38 Church St., Concord Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays Concord/Kannapolis will welcome MTV’s “Promposal” couple, and Moore County locals, Brandon Caddell and Noah Ambrose to its meeting to share their story. The following day, Oct. 11, at 3 p.m., the group organization will sponsor a cookout for Cabarrus County and Kannapolis City Schools Gay-Straight Alliances at Frank Liske Park, 4001 Stough Rd., in Concord.

Email organizers for more information. ckpflag@gmail.com.

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Lavender Pen Tour Ovens Auditorium 2700 E. Independence Blvd., Charlotte 7:30 p.m.

San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus and Oakland Interfaith Gospel Choir bring their soul-affirming, life-changing Lavender Pen Tour to the Queen City to raise awareness and support for the LGBTQ community, as well as to help raise funds for local area organizations.

Special guests One Voice Chorus and Gay Men’s Chorus of Charlotte will join this performance. Tickets are $19-$49 and are available online. bit.ly/lpt-charlotte.

SEP OCT MO

00 14

Submit your event to our calendar!

You can submit your event to our comprehensive community calendar presented by qnotes, the Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce and Visit Gay Charlotte. Submit your event at goqnotes.com/eventsubmit/ and get a three-forone entry. All Charlotte-area events will appear on each of the three calendars at qnotes (goqnotes.com), Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce (clgbtcc.org) and Visit Gay Charlotte (visitgaycharlotte.com).

Winston-Salem Festival, Parade & Food Truck Rodeo Downtown Arts District Trade St., Winston-Salem 10 a.m.-5:30 p.m.

Equality North Carolina 2017 Equality Gala Raleigh Marriott 500 Fayetteville St., Raleigh 5 p.m.

Equality North Carolina presents its annual Equality Gala in downtown Raleigh. The organization will welcome keynote speaker Winston-Salem Pride returns, with a National Center for Transgender festival, parade and food truck rodeo Equality Executive Director Raffi theme. Join the LGBTQ community and Freedman-Gurspan. She is the director allies for a celebration of Pride, with of external relations, overseeing public eats, drinks, entertainment and more. education and field organizing operaMore information is available online. tions. She was both a senior associate pridews.org. director for public engagement, where she served as the primary liaison to the Annual AIDS Walk SEP OCT MO –––––––––––––––––––– LGBTQ community, and outreach and & 5K Race recruitment director for presidential Dorothea Dix Park Charlotte UNITE Festival personnel at the White House from 2105 Umstead Dr., Raleigh NoDa Brewing Company 2015-2017. Tickets and more information 9 a.m.

2921 N. Tryon St., Charlotte All fitness levels are encouraged to par- are available online.

12-8 p.m. equalityncfoundation.org/gala ticipate, alone or in teams, in the AIDS Queen City Unity presents the Charlotte Walk & 5K Race to raise funds for the UNITE Festival, a multicultural event On the Table CLT Alliance of AIDS Services - Carolinas, SEP OCT MO open to all, in celebration of diversity Various locations the LGBT Center of Raleigh, Crape and community. Local artists will provide Myrtle Festival and NC AIDS Action Community Building Initiative entertainment, food, and vendors will Network. The organizers have said they and Foundation for the be on hand, and a newly released NoDa “encourage everyone to participate in Carolinas present an event brew will be presented. More informaintended to bring non-traditional running/walking attire. tion is available online. thousands of people toDon’t want to get dressed the mornfacebook.com/events/460136731026871. ing of the Walk? Wear your pajamas. gether in small groups to “generate ideas, inspire Always wanted to run as your favorite Super Hero? Go for it. Tutus and Tiaras? solutions and cultivate Of course. Into the onesie craze? Wear relationships and colit to the Walk. Drag? Yas Kween!” Prizes laborations to strengthen Mecklenburg County.” Local businesses will be awarded to the best Individual Alternative Apparel and the Best Team and organizations will serve as meeting points, and those interested in playing Alternative Apparel. More information host are encouraged to apply online. and registration is available online. onthetableclt.org. bit.ly/2hbvXYu.

To see more upcoming events, visit goqnotes.com/calendar/

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Continues through Oct. 22 SEP OCT MO ‘The Red Shoes’ Belk Theater 130 N. Tryon St., Charlotte Times vary Matthew Bourne’s adaption of the Hans Christian Andersen fairytale, turned Academy Awardwinning movie, “The Red Shoes” stops in the Carolinas on its U.S. premiere, after a critically-acclaimed run in London, U.K. The story of a young dancer torn between her art and her love, with tragic consequences, has moved audiences for decades. More information and tickets are available online. blumenthalarts.org.

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life

Our People:

Q&A with Anita Case Healthcare executive

by Maria Dominguez :: qnotes staff uncle was diagnosed with AIDS and his family moved in with my family. At that time, there was only experimental treatment (AZT trials)…

Even the medical profession did not understand transmission fully. My uncle and his family chose to become advocates and speak out in our small, southern, rural town. My mother became the “AIDS volunteer” with Hospice and worked with churches to offer “AIDS ministries.” I educated my sixth grade classmates on the importance of using condoms and went with my mother on her hospice visits where we watched people die from this deadly disease.

I’m grateful that we have come so far with this disease. I am also keenly aware that so many people are dealing with health issues and have nowhere to turn and not enough hope.

Aside from healthcare issues, what causes are you passionate about on a personal level?

I am a Christian, passionate about people understanding the God I know, one that accepts and loves all people. I am passionate about equal rights for the LGBTQ community.

I am passionate about teaching my two girls about God’s love and that no matter who they love, it’s okay with me, as long as that person loves them back.

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ith one of those big, friendly smiles that set anyone at ease, Anita Case uses her charm for a purpose — to improve healthcare access for the sake of the communities she serves, and for the uncle whose illness inspired her passion. Case, 42, witnessed the impact of HIV/AIDS firsthand at a young age and has worked for those affected ever since. As executive director of Affinity Health Center in Rock Hill, S.C., Case’s career has transitioned along with her workplace from exclusively HIV/AIDS services, to comprehensive healthcare in a 30,000-square-foot expansion that broke ground in April. She and her Affinity team work tirelessly towards a “vibrant community where all people have access to exceptional care.”

How do Affinity’s mission and programming reflect or influence your own interests and passions?

I joined Affinity when we were an HIV/AIDS service organization because of my passion for and commitment to caring for people living with HIV/AIDS. Over the last 12 years in my role, my passion has grown for others who are underserved and others whose voices need to be heard. As a social worker by training whose career began in direct service, I am still committed to empowering people and communities, to addressing the social determinants of health, and to caring for the whole person.

What led to where you are in your career?

My journey started at age 11 when my

If you were granted an all-expenses-paid vacation, what would you plan?

My favorite travel centers around great food and great people. I like to experience different cultures and enjoy food from different countries. I would travel the world, staying with local people and sharing meals at their dinner tables. I also love a good camping trip, so maybe the travel would be by camper!

What does your support system look like?

I have a wonderful husband and two feisty, sassy little girls to keep me on my toes at home.

I have dear friends near and far with whom I don’t have enough time to spend. I am blessed with passionate and committed coworkers who want Affinity to be the best we can be. I am a member of a church community where we are seeking to be more inclusive and more loving of all people.

Name three things that you could not function without.

This is a hard one without sounding cliché.

My life is pretty simple these days — I work a lot, and I spend a lot of time with my family. I love my weekends because it’s uninterrupted time with my girls. I also love to get a phone call in with my best girlfriend who is also a busy mom with a toddler and a demanding job. Great food always makes me happy. And, my parents are amazing — I missed them so much this past weekend that my family loaded in the car for a spontaneous road trip to spend time together.

What kind of TV/movies do you enjoy?

I love almost all chick flicks! I wish Emily Giffin would have more of her books become movies. I love “Something Borrowed” but I’m ready to see the others go to the big screen!

I don’t get to watch much TV now that I have two toddlers, but when I do, I love the “The Big Bang Theory.” : :

Oct. 6-19. 2017

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Oct. 6-19 . 2017