QNotes, October 18, 2019

Oct. 18-31, 2019

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inside this issue

Oct. 18-31, 2019 Vol 34 No 13

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contributors this issue

Matthew S. Bajko, Kode Brown, Mykah Buff, Rev. Dawn Flynn, Lainey Millen, Stanley Popovich, Theresa Robertson, Gregg Shapiro, Trinity

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Spiritual Reflections: Being Happy in Your M2F Trans Life

news 6 Study Results Depict Prep Usage Among Trans MSM 6 Bisexual Org Chapter Hits Triad 6 News Briefs 7 NY to be First in U.S. for Veteran Staff LGBTQ Competency Certification 7 Orgs Call For Decriminalization of Sex Work in D.C.

a&e 17

Tell Trinity

life 4 Aging at Home 8 Competent Foster Care Parents Needed 12 For Museum Curators, Garments Offer Stylish Storytelling 13 Mental Health 19 Our People: Lydia E. Lavelle

views 12

charlotteobserver.com/1166/ a local news partner of The Charlotte Observer

Telling It Like It Is

Spiritual Reflections

events 18 18

Reignbow Fest Elton John Tour

Finding joy and happiness when transitioning from male to female can create a sense of peace and wellbeing. And, having faith in the process is also important, as well as trust in the Creator.

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Aging at Home

Making the decision to age at home during one’s senior years takes planning and resources that may present challenges, in addition to having the support of family when being a member of the LGBTQ community without children.

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Oct. 18-31, 2019

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Aging at Home Is It the Best Option?

BY Theresa Robertson | Guest Contributor

A

ging at home is certainly a viable option for many seniors, but what about when it’s not the safest, healthiest or most costeffective option for your situation?

According to Genworth, after age 65, there is nearly a 7 percent chance a senior will need some form of senior care?1 According to a study of 2,560 LGBTQ adults aged 50-95 across the U.S., by author Karen Fredriksen-Goldsen, professor at the University of Washington’s School of Social Work, it was found that the LGBTQ participants had greater rates of disability, depression and loneliness compared with heterosexuals of similar ages.2 The idea of aging at home may not be realistic for some, thus making it all the more important to know what senior housing options are available.

It’s important for seniors and their families to consider three common concerns associated with aging at home: safety, health and costs.

Knowing your senior housing options can help alleviate anxieties.

Safety According to SAGE, in the LGBTQ community, “Self-care is frequently more difficult for LGBT elders because they are much more likely to live on their own, have fewer financial resources, and don’t necessarily trust their health care providers to treat them from a place of cultural competency.”3 Staying safe at home can be challenging and dangerous for many older adults, which means you must learn to recognize the signs that indicate it’s no longer a safe option.

• Medication mismanagement — are there mistakes with dosage and timing?

•H ome hazards — is there evidence of fires or has there been falls?

•A ccessibility — is it difficult to access upstairs bedrooms and showers?

Many senior housing communities, such as assisted living, are designed with your safety in mind. They provide the general and medical resources you’ll need daily, such as distributing proper medi-

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Oct. 18-31, 2019

of community, friendship, and activity boosts mental and emotional health.

Cost When you consider the total expense of living at home, including utilities, groceries, property taxes, transportation, maintenance and handyman services, your current cost of living quickly adds up. Also, if aging at home, you may need to include remodeling costs for ease of access and safety, such as installing grab bars in the bathrooms or lever style doorknobs, widening doorways, adjusting counter heights and installing exterior ramps.

Additionally, you may need to factor the cost of in-home care into the equation.

In contrast, many senior living communities involve one monthly price that covers most of your expenses including utilities, food, housekeeping, social activities and more. The convenience of simplified living, with on-site amenities and scheduled transportation services, causes a dramatic drop in stress levels for many seniors.

Seniors who consider aging at home can face challenges when it comes to safety concerns, cost of upkeep and upfitting the home, as well as issues surrounding mental health and nutritional needs. This is especially potentially problematic for those from the LGBTQ community who may not have the support of family. Housing communities could provide viable options where staff and companionship can help offset depression and isolation.

(Photo Credit: highwaystarz via Adobe Stock)

cation doses, while equipping you with emergency resources for those rare but critical moments.

Health Staying healthy by eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly and remaining socially active may be a challenge for some seniors while aging at home. Although many in the LGBTQ community have created social support networks, social isolation is prevalent amongst the senior LGBTQ population which can lead to depression, mental and physical health issues and even mortality. Many LGBTQ seniors do not have children or support from blood family members to help them as they get older.

Look for signs that indicate aging in place is no longer a healthy option.

• Nutrition — is there food in the fridge? Is the food old or expired? Has there been unexplained weight loss?

• Social/Mental — is there evidence of paranoia or hallucinations? Is there social isolation?

Senior housing communities such as assisted living provide three nutritional meals daily, a benefit you may not provide for yourself when aging at home. The challenges of grocery shopping, meeting special dietary needs and consistently cooking could become overly burdensome.

Beyond nutrition, many seniors benefit from the social life, companionship and wellness opportunities offered at senior living communities. Common wellness programs include resistance training, stretching exercises and even chair yoga. The sense

Theresa Robertson, Certified Senior Advisor, is a senior housing specialist with Oasis Senior Advisors. She’s an advocate for those who are transitioning to senior housing or exploring options. Oasis Senior Advisors provides a free service to seniors and their families, helping them select the housing option that best meets their needs and budget. For more information, visit SeniorLivingEssentials.com to get your free article on the top signs that increased care may be needed entitled “Your Aging Parents: Is it time to Consider Senior Housing Options?

Sources Cited: 1 Genworth.com https://www.genworth. com/dam/Americas/US/PDFs/Consumer/ corporate/America_Talks.pdf 2 http://age-pride.org/wordpress/wpcontent/uploads/2018/05/Shifting-SocialContext-in-the-Lives-of-LGBTQ-OlderAdults.pdf 3 https://www.sageusa.org/wp-content/ uploads/2018/05/sageusa-the-facts-onlgbt-aging.pdf

Oct. 18-31, 2019

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BRIEFS

news Study results depict PrEP usage among trans MSM BOSTON, Mass. — A study from The Fenway Institute published in the most recent issue of Journal of the international AIDS Society is the first to investigate the use of pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) and the risk behaviors that indicate its use to prevent HIV among transgender MSM (men who have sex with men) nationally.

Although HIV infection in the U.S. remains a serious public health concern — particularly among MSM and transgender people — HIV-related research in the transgender community has largely focused on transgender women (those assigned a male sex at birth who have a trans-feminine gender identity). The study’s findings indicate that PrEP and other bio-behavioral research on HIV prevention efforts should include transgender MSM, who are currently excluded from PrEP trials. Additionally, further guidance is required from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) to inform PrEP continuum and care delivery.

Several studies have shown that transgender women are disproportionately affected by HIV infection relative to their cisgender peers. However, researchers have only recently started to evaluate HIV risk among trans-masculine individuals who have sex with cisgender men or share needles for hormone or recreational drug use. “Transgender MSM have been invisible in both transgender HIV prevention efforts and in cis MSM prevention delivery;” notes study coauthor Dr. Sari Reisner, director of transgender health research at The Fenway Institute and assistant professor of pediatrics at Harvard Medical School. “Our study suggests that bio-behavioral HIV prevention methods, such as PrEP, should be made available to transgender MSM. Findings support the full inclusion of transgender MSM in biomedical HIV prevention services and research.”

The study, titled “High risk and low uptake of pre-exposure prophylaxis to prevent HIV acquisition in a national online sample of transgender men who have sex with men in the United States,” was conducted online from November 2017 to December 2017. This national study included 857 transgender MSM between the ages of 18 and 60 (65.3 percent were under 30). Participants were surveyed to determine their HIV risk, PrEP use and their bio-behavioral and psychosocial factors (depression, hazardous alcohol and drug use, dating/ relationship status and more). Participants must have self-reported receptive anal sex or frontal/vaginal sex with a cis male sex partner in the past six months. The racially mixed group was 69.7 percent white, 25.5 percent mixed or other racial identity and 4.8 percent black.

Additionally, 22.1 percent of all participants reported Latinx heritage. All participants had been assigned female sex at birth and currently identify on the trans-masculine spectrum (71.6 percent as male/transgender man, 28.4 percent as non-binary, and 32.6 percent as gay).

The study found that 84 percent of participants recognized that PrEP use was a way to prevent HIV acquisition. Approximately 55 percent reported higher risk factors which indicated a greater need for PrEP use. These included where they met their sex partners, not having sex exclusively with cis men, greater number of partners and high alcohol and drug use. However, only one-third of those in the study had ever taken PrEP. There could be a number of factors influencing lower PrEP use including a lack of health insurance, poor access to HIV testing or delays in using prevention methods. Additionally, transgender MSM face the dual stigmas of both gender and sexual minority statuses (with higher levels of stigma for non-binary individuals). As such, they may have unique vulnerabilities that differ from cis MSM. Significant increases in HIV risk were found for those who identified as gay (vs. not), those with mental health and substance abuse issues, those in polyamorous relationships and those stigmatized by their cis male sex partners.

Since the U.S. Food and Drug Administration approved the first oral drug for PrEP use in 2012, it has proven to be a safe and effective method of HIV prevention. While the CDC has PrEP indication guidelines for several populations in the HIV epidemic, transgender MSM is not one of them. Therefore, it is likely that this vulnerable group is being overlooked by medical providers due to the gap in CDC guidelines and research. This study included a large national sample size of transgender MSM — an at-risk population about which little is known.

Findings clearly show that transgender MSM will not only benefit from access to PrEP but also that HIV prevention research should include this population in future research. The study also demonstrates a need for greater education and public health interventions around the risk factors and vulnerabilities specific to this group.

The study is available online at bit.ly/2B8cWgb. info: fenwayhealth.org.

— Lainey Millen Resource Reisner SL, Moore CS, Asquith A, Pardee DJ, Sarvet A, Mayer G, Mayer KH, (2019). “High risk and low uptake of pre-exposure prophylaxis to prevent HIV acquisition in a national online sample of transgender men who have sex with men in the United States,” Journal of the International AIDS Society, Volume 22, Issue 9, September 2019.

Bisexual org chapter hits Triad WINSTON-SALEM, N.C. — The Winston-Salem and Piedmont Triad has been chosen for the newest chapter of amBi.org, a national group of social clubs for bisexuals. The first amBi chapter on the East Coast, amBi Triad NC joins 10 other locations.

Founded in Los Angeles in 2006, national amBi.org “embraces the vision that social progress begins with community and only by building and maintaining a vibrant and visible bisexual community can real progress begin on social issues that matter to bisexual people,” the organization said. At amBi Triad NC, participants can attend events, enjoy fun activities and meet other bisexual and bi-friendly people in the Triad.

Co-organizers Cindia Gonzalez and Dave Moffatt met at a bisexual/pansexual support group started by North Star LGBT Community Center in Winston-Salem, and became passionate about offering more programming for bisexuals and pansexuals in the Triad. amBi Triad NC is not just another meetup group that will only offer fun events. “While the group will explore the cities of Winston-Salem, Greensboro, and High Point, and enjoy ourselves, we also have a higher purpose. amBi’s mission is to build a vibrant and visible bi-community here in the Triad,” organizers shared.

Gonzalez said, “It is so important to build a positive, vibrant bisexual community in the Triad. Bisexuals are the largest portion of the queer community, yet often suffer greater health disparities and minority stress than either gays or lesbians, mostly due to bi-phobia and bi-erasure. It’s time we had a place in the Triad to build a community of healthy, fun-loving, positive bisexuals and allies, and to affirm that our bisexuality is as valid a way of loving as any other.” Gonzalez concluded, “We’re so excited that amBiTriadNC was founded during Bi Pride Month and that we’re the first amBi chapter in the South and on the East Coast!” info: ambi.org/triad-north-carolina.

— Lainey Millen

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Warren pays tribute to the slain

Sen. Elizabeth Warren, in her bid for the office of president in 2020’s election, paid tribute to slain black transgender women at the first LGBTQ Forum held in September and demanded that Donald Trump “Say Their Names,” The Root reported. The politician has transgender rights as a key issue in her platform.

info: bit.ly/2VAT4M4.

Toolkit gets launch date

Organizers have announced that the LGBTQ+ Workplace Equity Toolkit has a launch date set for February 2020. Pride in the Triangle will unveil the open source option during a two-day Training of Trainers from Feb. 4-5 on the SAS Institute Campus in Cary, N.C. It will be facilitated

by Katherine Turner of Global Citizen, LLC and Stan Kimer, Total Engagement Consulting by Kimer. Registration is open with a class fee sliding scale from $449$849 based upon non-profit or for-profit status and company size, Kimer shared.

Early bird discount of $100 off registration fee is available online until Oct. 31.

info: bit.ly/33pIH0h.

‘Queer Eye’ ensemble member speaks out

The Trevor Project has released an interview with “Queer Eye” grooming expert Jonathan Van Ness entitled “Jonathan Van Ness Talks to Trevor: Chasing Passions and Finding Safe Spaces.” In the video he speaks about his upbringing and smalltown roots, how he found his safe spaces and passions, dealt with bullying and depression, and developed his identity.

info: bit.ly/32emQZK.

Butler to receive Baldwin award

The Victory Institute announced that North Carolina State House Rep. Deb Butler will be awarded the 2019 Tammy Baldwin Breakthrough Award, The Progressive Pulse reported. The award will be shared with former Peruvian Congressman Alberto de Belaunde. The institute shared, “As the Democratic Whip of the North Carolina House, Deb Butler is a warrior for North Carolina’s LGBTQ community. Under the rallying cry of ‘I Will Not Yield,’ Butler recently derided Republicans’ underhanded voting tactics, even resisting arrest to pursue justice.

During her time in the House, she has fought for causes ranging from fair districts to common sense gun reform.”

info: bit.ly/2VC7WtT.

Conservatives march against IVF

French conservatives marched through Paris, shouting “Liberty, Equality, Paternity” in opposition to a bill that would give single women and lesbian couples access to in vitro fertilization and related products, The Associated Press reported.

info: bit.ly/2OJwSyb.

Wake faculty receive email threats In September, 12 Wake Forest University faculty members who work in gender studies and other diversity-related roles were the recipients of threatening emails, The Charlotte Observer reported. According to a communique to students, faculty and staff, the school stated, “The emails were intentionally inflammatory, using racist, homophobic, anti-Semitic and discriminatory language. The wording of the emails was intentionally intimidating and threatening.” Although there were no specific threats made, state and federal agencies, along with university police are investigating the incident, nonetheless.

info: bit.ly/33uL9mw.

NY to be first in U.S. for veteran staff LGBTQ competency certification WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Modern Military Association of America (MMAA) announced that it will provide LGBTQ and HIV positive competency training through its Rainbow Shield certification program to the entire New York State Division of Veterans’ Services.

All of the division’s employees will receive the MMAA Rainbow Shield (bit.ly/32c7NzC) cultural competency training designed to help educate and empower providers and advocates who serve the LGBTQ and HIV positive military and veteran community. The state of New York will become the first in the nation with all of its veterans’ services staff certified through the program.

“We’re proud to work with the state of New York to help ensure their services providers have a greater understanding of the unique challenges the LGBTQ military and veteran community face,” said MMAA Executive Director and Navy veteran Andy Blevins. “Far too often, many in our community have experienced discrimination or harassment in settings where they should be met with respect and compassion. Through this training, the Modern Military Association of America is committed to educating service providers and ensuring misinformation and harmful stereotypes do not prevent the LGBTQ military and veteran community from receiving the care and services they need and deserve.”

“New York has always led the way in human rights and ensuring all people are treated with dignity and respect. In keeping with Gov. Cuomo’s leadership and commitment to serving inclusively, for all New Yorkers, certifying the Division’s staff through Rainbow Shield cultural competency training positions, New York State [will be] the first state in the nation certified to best serve the LGBTQ and HIV+ military and veteran community. It also reaffirms our dedication to providing the very best services to all those who served and their families,” said Director of the New York State Division of Veterans’ Services and Army veteran Jim McDonough.

Topics to be covered in the MMAA Rainbow Shield certification program include an overview of the history and demographics of the LGBTQ and HIV positive military and veteran community; terminology and common experiences of the LGBTQ and HIV positive military and veteran community; myths and stereotypes that impact how LGBTQ and HIV positive individuals are seen and treated in society, including how to recognize and see past harmful representations; and policies impacting LGBTQ and HIV positive service members, veterans and their families. info: modernmilitary.org.

— Lainey Millen

Orgs call for decriminalization of sex work in D.C. WASHINGTON, D.C. — At press time, the Washington, D.C. Council Judiciary Committee was slated to hold a hearing on Oct. 17 in an effort to decriminalize sex work in the nation’s capital.

In advance of that hearing, LGBTQ (Photo Credit: ajr_images via Adobe Stock) ly/319nvKJ) signed by over 70 local, state and national LGBTQ and allied organizations to members of the council in support of the Community Safety and Health Amendment Act of 2019 (B23-0318), which would remove criminal penalties from the buying and selling of sex in D.C. while maintaining existing laws on sex trafficking. It would also create a task force to monitor the implementation and effects of the act.

The letter explained that the current law “serves no valid purpose and is dramatically out of step with current research and knowledge, including about how best to combat the transmission of HIV.” As a result by removing it, “the bill would improve safety, public health and law enforcement’s ability to address both violent and property crimes.”

The letter stated that passing this bill would be “critical to the health and wellbeing of the LGBTQ community, including by improving public health and decreasing the vulnerability of marginalized sex workers, particularly transgender women of color.”

Statements made by some leading organizations conveyed their sentiments on the issue.

“Discrimination in employment, education, and housing against LGBTQ people and especially transgender women of color leads to increased participation in sex work by LGBTQ people. Criminalizing sex work punishes people for their survival, threatens their health and wellbeing, and exacerbates poverty. Rather than investing in more policing, DC would be better served by investing in our communities,” stated Senior Policy Counsel at National Center for Lesbian Rights Tyrone Hanley.

Lambda Legal Staff Attorney Puneet Cheema added, “Criminalizing adults engaging in consensual sex work, often for survival, impedes sex workers’ access to health care services, puts them at risk of physical abuse from clients and police, and increases their vulnerability to exploitation by third parties. The Community Safety and Health Amendment Act of 2019 is urgently needed to remove this brutal and outdated penalty for consensual sex work. Sex workers need resources, not criminal penalties.”

“We as a society cannot reasonably criminalize a choice that our discrimination has led many trans women to make. Decriminalization is but one needed step if our purpose is to help them instead of merely putting them out of sight. Better job training and employment opportunities are further steps,” GLAA President Richard Rosendall said. info: nclrights.org.

— Lainey Millen

Oct. 18-31, 2019

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Competent foster care parents needed Carolina Family Connections is Asking the LGBTQ Community for Help

BY Mykah Buff | Guest Contributor

The need for LGBTQ foster parents is in high demand, especially those who are willing to take siblings together instead of seeing them split up. (Photo Credit: zoomyimages via Adobe Stock)

L

aine Clontz, the president of Carolina Family Connections in Charlotte, N.C., is seeking help with challenges her agency is facing with foster care and adoption placement.

“Carolina Family Connections is in need of foster parents to meet the demands of children in need of foster home care due to abuse and/or neglect in the areas of Mecklenburg and surrounding counties,” says Clontz. “We especially are in need of families who would open their hearts and homes to sibling groups and school-aged children of all races.”

She also says that often times, the children they are seeking placement for have recently been separated from their parents or guardians and are usually separated from any siblings they may have, due to potential foster parents being unwilling to foster more than one child at a time.

“Almost every day we receive requests for children in need of out-of-home care and there are simply not enough homes to meet the demands,” Clontz says. “Sadly, children who have just been removed from their parents or caregiver also suffer the loss of their brothers or sisters when they too have to be separated. Therefore, we need foster homes that would care for sibling groups of two, three and even four children.”

Clontz says that her agency “also occasionally has a need for foster parents who are comfortable fostering LGBTQ children, but that many potential foster parents say they’re not prepared to provide care for an LGBTQ child.”

She also gives credit to the LGBTQ community for stepping up to the challenge of fostering HIV positive children in the 1980s and 1990s, an era where there were many cases of babies who had been born HIV positive and that needed placement.

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“It seems to me that when there was a need beginning in the late ‘80s and ‘90s for homes for babies born HIV positive, fear of the disease kept most people from coming forward to help,” she says. “But not the LGBTQ community. They stepped forward at a time when few in that community were considered to be licensed as foster parents. They were my heroes.”

Because of the LGBTQ community’s past willingness to foster children who’ve struggled with finding foster care placement, Clontz wants to reach out to the local LGBTQ community in Charlotte now and ask them for help.

“I’m hoping that many in the LGBTQ will consider being foster parents with Carolina Family Connections to meet another demand for the children in our community to have safe and loving homes,” she says Youth are placed in foster care for a number of different reasons, and many LGBTQ youth go into the system for reasons that differ from non-LGBTQ youth.

Quite often, LGBTQ youth enter foster care with an added layer of trauma due to being rejected and ridiculed by their families.

In addition to food and shelter, this unique group of young people has certain needs that require special attention and consideration, as their risk of developing mental health issues and substance abuse is substantially greater than nonLGBTQ youth.

According to new research from the University of Texas at Austin, “LGBTQ youth are more likely to end up in foster care or unstable housing and suffer negative outcomes, such as substance abuse or mental health issues while living in the child welfare system.” see next page u

Childrensrights.org says it is vital for LGBTQ youth to be placed into safe homes, and that caseworkers and other professionals play an important role in ensuring that the needs of this disproportionate group, who often run away from their foster families to avoid abuse and even sexual exploitation, are met.

“Without safe foster care placements, and without the vital support of caseworkers and other child welfare professionals, LGBTQ youth often flee abuse in foster care only to face homelessness and sexual exploitation,” childrensrights.org says.

Additionally, the website says one of the main issues surrounding proper placement for LGBTQ youth in the foster care system is the fact that this group is overrepresented.

“Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) young people are over-represented in foster care, where they are more likely to experience discrimination, abuse, neglect and the risk of harm,” says childrensrights.org. “A 2019 study (bit.ly/2pc2X72) found 30.4 percent of youth in foster care identify as LGBTQ and 5 percent as transgender, compared to 11.2 percent and 1.17 percent of youth not in foster care.”

In many cases, children are subjected to terrible harassment and abuse, and in the saddest cases, conversion therapy.

“LGBTQ youth are more likely to suffer from consistent harassment and abuse in foster care, juvenile justice settings and homeless shelters,” added childrensrights. org. “At times, they’re subjected to dangerous efforts that falsely claim to change their orientation or gender identity, including so-called conversion therapy. These incidents are particularly pervasive with transgender youth, whose very identities are rejected in state care, and who, when bullied and abused, are often criminalized for acting in their own self-defense.”

Chronicleofsocialchange.org says certain measures must be taken in order

to ensure that LGTBQ youth are placed into the care of a competent family and that it’s up to policymakers, advocates and advocacy groups to improve foster care placement processes.

“To improve the experience of LGBTQ youth in foster care, policymakers, advocates and advocate groups must improve foster care placement processes by screening youth entering care for sexual orientation and gender identity,” chronicleofsocialchange.org says. “If we allow youth to voluntarily disclose their gender identity and sexual orientation, I believe we are in a better position to provide them more meaningful and appropriate placements.”

Another issue surrounding foster care and the LGBTQ community is discrimination against potential foster parents, particularly from private organizations that receive federal funding.

“Currently, there are no federal policies or statutes in place to encourage allinclusive placements or training related to issues impacting LGBTQ youth for foster parents and professionals working with youth,” chronicleofsocialchange.org says.

“But the federal government has acknowledged the unique needs of LGBTQ youth in foster care by making plans to collect data on this population through its annual survey of the nation’s foster care systems.

In December 2016, the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) required state child welfare agencies to begin collecting and reporting data on LGBTQ youth in foster care.”

“Unfortunately, in March 2018, the HHS officials announced that it would delay the implementation of the final rule due to concerns about the undue burden on states,” added chronicleofsocialchange.org. “This decision delays our chance to help LGBTQ youth feel comfortable if/when they have additional needs or questions that may arise while developing and emerging as adults within the community.” : :

Finding foster care parents is a challenge in itself for agencies. This is especially difficult in securing placement of LGBTQ youth who have undergone traumas due to rejection and ridicule from their family of origin. (Photo Credit: Africa Studio via Adobe Stock)

Anyone interested in making a difference in the lives of children in need and to learn more about becoming a foster parent can contact Laine Clontz directly at lclontz@carolinafamilyconnections.com or visit their website at carolinafamilyconnections.com.

Oct. 18-31, 2019

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For museum curators, garments offer stylish storytelling LGBT History Month: Clothing Items Share Vignettes of Those Who Wore Them

BY Matthew S. Bajko, LGBT History Project | Guest Contributor

C

munity in particular has embraced urators working with the the song due to its lyrics openly Oakland Museum of California celebrating liberation. on its first major LGBTQ exhibiThe song was one of the 25 tion, dubbed “Queer California: American recordings inducted into Untold Stories,” displayed a blue the Library of Congress earlier this sequined jacket created by San year. Sylvester bequeathed the royalFrancisco designer Pat Campano and ties from his music to the benefit of worn in 1985 by the gender-bending AIDS charities in San Francisco, but gay disco diva Sylvester. it wasn’t until 2010 that two local The garment, on loan from the non-profits selected by the execuSan Francisco-based GLBT Historical tors of his will to be the beneficiaries Society, provided a bit of glam and saw any money. First the $350,000 visual whimsy to the show, which in advances the singer had accrued closed in August. The coat is one of a needed to be paid off, then a number number of costumes, antique gloves, of legal issues had to be ironed out. jewelry and personal items that once Scarce video recordings of belonged to the “Queen of Disco” now Sylvester performing his music are housed in the society’s archives. The part of the archival group’s holdSylvester collection, in museum-speak, ings, which also includes his permeasures more than eight linear feet. sonal memorabilia, photographs, Among the items is a black and and posters. The variety of objects white blazer also by Campano, preserved in the society’s Sylvester whose other design clients included collection provides curators an the Supremes. One outfit, donated opportunity to create a compelling to the society in 1991 three years installation about the performer. after Sylvester’s death at the age of One of Sylvester’s performance costumes is part of the collections at the GLBT Historical Society.

“It could be a multi-medium type 41 due to AIDS complications, is a (Photo Credit: Rick Gerharter) of display, which is very compelling peach-and-silver-sequined ensemble to visitors,” Evans noted. “We have that includes a top and jacket ada lot of textiles we preserve because they tell a story in a hered via Velcro strips and snaps. It features an Asianway that paper artifacts wouldn’t tell.” inspired design with a white phoenix made out of sequins.

Much of the society’s Sylvester holdings have yet to “Unlike a lot of designer pieces these are performance be shown publicly. As it works toward one day erecting a pieces. You can see the sweat stains. This came in like permanent museum in San Francisco far larger than the this,” said Kelsi Evans, director of the society’s Dr. John P. jewel-box exhibit space it now operates out of a leased Costumes and garments not only add tactile, visual eleDe Cecco Archives & Special Collections, as she showed off storefront in the heart of the city’s Castro LGBTQ Cultural ments to historical exhibitions, the clothing is also a draw the intricately made costume.

District, society staff envision one day being able to propfor museum attendees. One of the society’s most revered Society staff last year visited the home of Bernadette erly tell Sylvester’s story in a multi-faceted way. articles of clothing in its collection is the suit the late gay Hurd, one of Sylvester’s younger sisters, to accession from “I can see an entire gallery dedicated to Sylvester,” said Supervisor Harvey Milk was wearing the day he was assasher estate a number of her famous sibling’s outfits to add Beswick, “and not just about Sylvester but contextualizing sinated in 1978. to the archival group’s collection. The pieces selected rephis time and era.”

Then there are the garments that evoke more joyresent the fine craftsmanship that went into creating the The Los Angeles native, who was born Sylvester James ous occasions, like the wedding dresses donated to the outfits for the iconic performer, who famously corrected Jr. in the city’s Watts neighborhood, grew up in a large, historical society by Emily Drennen and Lindasusan Ulrich, the late comedian and television host Joan Rivers that he middle-class African-American family. He headed north to bisexual activists who have been together nearly 22 years wasn’t a drag queen but simply “Sylvester.”

San Francisco in 1972 and soon fell in with the celebrated and exchanged wedding vows three times over the span “The detail of the work such as with the sequins, genderfuck performance troupe The Cockettes. of five years. people don’t bother with this kind of stuff anymore,” said A year later Sylvester launched his recording career.

Their first marriage was a private affair in 2003, followed GLBT Historical Society Executive Director Terry Beswick.

His biggest hit came in 1979 with the release of “You by a public ceremony in 2004 during the “Winter of Love” in “It’s not just an artifact that was sewn and used once. It Make Me Feel (Mighty Real).” Last October, NPR dewas worn many times.” clared it a national anthem, noting that the LGBTQ comsee next page u

Yet to be shown publicly

Fabrics of our lives

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Oct. 18-31, 2019

San Francisco when local officials defied state law to perform samesex weddings. The state’s supreme court annulled those marriages, so the women married a third time in 2008 following a legal ruling that California could wed same-sex couples. (The decision was overturned that November by the passage of the ballot measure Proposition 8, though the marriages performed remained valid. Prop 8 was eventually struck down by the federal courts, leading to the resumption of same-sex weddings in the Golden State in the summer of 2013.)

Drennen and Ulrich, who moved to Ann Arbor, Mich. in 2015, wore their wedding dresses on at least eight occasions, including at Pride parades and marriage equality protests, documented in photos that ran in the press. They were also decked out in the white garments for an “unVEILing injustice” action protesting LGBTQ leaders’ usage of language that erased bisexual people out of the marriage equality movement.

The couple had bought the gowns embroidered with floral patterns and lined in toile off eBay, with Drennen’s costing $250 and Ulrich’s $79. Because the dresses had morphed from being bridal wear into activist garb, the women never had them dry cleaned, preferring instead to preserve the stained fabric and dirty hems for posterity.

It was how the pair of dresses was displayed during the special exhibit “Biconic Flashpoints: Four Decades of

Drennen, who was arrested in her dress for blocking a city street near San Francisco City Hall during one marriage protest, said over time the meaning imbued in their dresses changed.

“They became activism wear,” she said.

Because the garments weren’t worn solely for a few hours on their wedding day and then cleaned and boxed up, the women came to think of them as “working dresses,” said Ulrich. “They did duty beyond just a party and a ritual.”

The gowns struck a chord with attendees at the opening of the special exhibit, who either took photos of Drennen and Ulrich standing beside their dresses or asked to have their photo taken with the women and their garments.

“A lot of people were delighted to see them,” recalled Ulrich.

The couple looks forward to the day where they can return to San Francisco, which they called home for two decades, and see their wedding dresses as part of a marriage equality exhibit in the historical society’s future museum.

“It would be pretty awesome to see my wedding dress is in the museum,” said Drennen. “We didn’t need the dresses, so this is a way to contribute to history by donating them.”

Their dresses, added Ulrich, are a visual reminder that bisexual people stood alongside their gay, bisexual and transgender brethren fighting for marriage rights from the very beginning.

“We were there throughout the whole thing, even though we were so often left out,” she said. “Our dresses are our way of saying don’t erase us. We were there and we got the dirt on our hems to prove it.” : :

The wedding dresses worn by Emily Drennen and Lindasusan Ulrich are part of the collections at the GLBT Historical Society.

(Photo Credit: Rick Gerharter)

Bay Area Bisexual Politics” that opened in May 2014 at the historical society’s Castro museum space. The women co-curated the yearlong show with fellow bisexual leaders Lani Ka’ahumanu and Martin Rawlings-Fein.

“There was something about them; they took on more meaning than just one couple’s wedding dresses. And I think, especially because of the fact we ended up being so visible as two women who are bisexual, it brought a lot of visibility to a population that tends to be very invisible,” said Ulrich.

Oct. 18-31, 2019

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views

Being Happy in Your M2F Trans Life Spiritual Reflections

BY Rev. Dawn Flynn | Guest Contributor

M

ness when we look in ale to Female (M2F) the mirror, seeing the trans people are outside match who we among the kindest and are on the inside. We most sensitive people can honestly say, for in this world. And, that the first time in our is because we have lives, “I love myself.” endured so much pain Joy comes when on our journeys. All trans our inner soul has a people are under attack relationship with the from the religious comCreator. Our Creator munities, being told that has never condemned our “choice” to transition us for being our true brings condemnation selves. Therefore, we from the Creator who have joy, knowing our made us; that we are Creator loves us just as messing with how we we are and wants us to were created. Those live life fully knowing attacks are felt more that love. intensely on those of us Spiritually speakwho transition from M2F ing for those who Finding a sense of happiness in her authentic body and spiritual connectedness as a transbecause society looks follow the Holy Bible, gender woman brings her to a more peaceful state, despite what is going on around her. upon us as weak and the Creator told the (Photo Credit: Sviatoslav Khomiakov and Scott Griessel via Adobe Stock) effeminate men. They Israelite nation in couldn’t be further from Isaiah 35:10, “And the truth. We have always the ransomed of the that way. We can’t change who we are. been women, not men. We are women in Lord shall return, and come to Zion with Transitioning is only making the outside the truest sense of the word. Our feelings, singing; everlasting joy shall be upon their match what is on the inside. Peace comes our likes, our desires, our entire being, is, heads; they shall obtain joy and gladness, in knowing we are being authentic. A trans and sorrow and sighing shall flee away” and always has been, female. person is the most authentic person there (RSV). That same joy and gladness that the is as we present ourselves to the world, Transitioning, whether from M2F Israelite nation felt when they returned enduring persecution, if necessary, being or F2M, is not a choice. We are wired to Jerusalem after hundreds of years of our true selves. And, I dare anyone who Babylonian captivity, is for all of God’s persecutes a trans person to live, in public, people, including the trans community, for one day as a member of the opposite when we come into the Lord’s presence. sex. They would quickly see that a trans In Nehemiah 8:10 Nehemiah tells God’s person is full of courage to be able to people to “...not be grieved, for the joy of endure the persecution that we receive. the Lord is your strength” (RSV). Joy comes No one would deliberately live a life that from the Lord, knowing that we are who would put them in a position to be persewe were created to be. The Lord, our cuted or discriminated against. Therefore, Creator, is our strength and, that strength, we are trans because that is who we are. will help us endure all things, and to feel There is an inner joy that comes happiness and joy. : : with being authentic: no more masks; no longer living a false life. Now there is Rev. Dawn Flynn is the pastor for New Life happiness when we wake. There is happiMetropolitan Community Church located in ness being able to wear the clothes that Gastonia, N.C. matches our true gender. There is happi-

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Oct. 18-31, 2019

life

Managing the Fear and Anxiety of the Unknown Mental Health

BY Stanley Popovich | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

A

lmost everybody worries about what will happen in the future. The prospect of not knowing if something good or bad will happen to you in the near future can produce a lot of fear and anxiety. As a result, here is a list of techniques and suggestions on how to manage this fear of dealing with the unknown.

Remember that no one can predict the future with 100 percent certainty.

Even if the thing that you are afraid of does happen, there are circumstances and factors that you can’t predict which can be used to your advantage. For instance, let’s say at your place of work that you miss the deadline for a project you have been working on for the last few months. Everything you feared is coming true. Suddenly, your boss comes to your office and tells you that the deadline is extended and that he forgot to tell you the day before. This unknown factor changes everything. Remember that we may be 99 percent correct in predicting the future, but all it takes is for that one percent to make a world of difference.

Learn to take it one day at a time.

Instead of worrying about how you will get through the rest of the week or coming month, try to focus on today. Each day can provide us with different opportunities to learn new things and that includes learning

To abate fear when conquering the unknown, it is important to remember to live life one day at a time, rehearse scenarios to visualize performing tasks that cause anxiety and take deep breaths to reduce stress. (Photo Credit: lubero via Adobe Stock) how to deal with your problems. When the time comes, hopefully you will have learned the skills to deal with your situation.

Sometimes, we can get anxious over a task that we will have to perform in the near future. When this happens, visualize

yourself doing the task in your mind.

For instance, you and your team have to play in the championship volleyball game in front of a large group of people in the next few days. Before the big day comes, imagine yourself playing the game in your

mind. Imagine that you’re playing in front of a large audience. By playing the game in your mind, you will be better prepared to perform for real when the time comes.

Self-visualization is a great way to reduce the fear and stress of a coming situation and increase your self-confidence.

Remember to take a deep breath and try to find something to do to get your mind off of your anxieties and stresses. A person could take a walk, listen to some music, read the newspaper, watch TV, play on the computer or do an activity that will give them a fresh perspective on things. This will distract you from your current worries.

A lot of times, our worrying can make the problem even worse. All the worrying in the world will not change anything. All you can do is to do your best each day, hope for the best, and when something does happen, take it in stride. If you still have trouble managing your anxiety of the future, then talking to a counselor or clergyman can be of great help. There are ways to help manage your fear and all it takes is some effort to find those answers. : : Stan Popovich is the author of “A Layman’s Guide to Managing Fear Using Psychology, Christianity and Non Resistant Methods.” For information, visit managingfear.com.

Oct. 18-31, 2019

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a&e

Telling it like it is

An Interview with Tegan Quin of Tegan and Sara

BY Gregg Shapiro | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

T

many hats. I do think being a proper creative, sitting down and writing music, is the best part of what I do. I don’t know if I still feel the joy that I felt as a young person. But I do think that going back and listening to those songs, and now rehearsing them and preparing them for this record and for playing them live, I am getting a bit of that same joy. There’s something powerful about singing songs from that era because they’re so raw, direct and honest. I’m certainly trying to tap back into that joy [laughs].

egan and Sara’s ninth studio album, “Hey I’m Just Like You” (Warner Records) came to be in a fascinating way. While doing research for their just released memoir “High School” (MCD/FSG), they discovered previously lost cassette tapes of early songs that they rerecorded for the new album. These songs, in combination with the memoir, present a fully fleshed out portrait of Tegan and Sara and function as much as autobiography as they do as art. As revelatory as anything they’d previously done, including the challenges of being a twin (“We carried each other’s wins and losses, fair or not”), the book and album pairing are each well worth exploring for fans and newcomers alike. I spoke with Tegan about the book and the album shortly before the twin duo embarked on their current multi-city concert tour.

Gregg Shapiro: Tegan, why was now the right time for you and Sara to write your memoir “High School?”

TQ: I think it’s been enough time. I think I can bear looking back at these photos [laughs].

People are always asking to hear about the beginning of our career, and that was sincerely when it started. It also felt like that was an era people are interested in hearing out. We had to start there. Because our career started in the 90s, it wasn’t documented in the way things are documented now because of the Internet and social media. It felt like a great era to mine for stories and revelations. It felt like something our fans would attach to because they hadn’t heard much about it. Also, queer stories aren’t told enough. Queer female stories are even less likely to be told. There isn’t a ton of music memoirs or memoirs about being queer with women at the forefront. Sara and I felt like we had the opportunity. People are interested. We should take advantage.

GS: Were you or are you journal and diary keepers, and if so, is that how you were able to construct the book?

TQ: Yes, we were journal and diary keepers. I have to admit that most of the journals were swapped back and forth. My best friend Alex in the book, she and I spent two years passing a journal back and forth because we didn’t go to the same high school. Generously, our friends donated all of these notes and letters and journals and books that we had all shared. We were (then) able to pull a lot of the dialogue, a lot of the emotional milestones that happened. Some of our first relationships and some of the heavier moments were pulled right from those pages. We’re also still friends with most of the people that we wrote about in the book. We had the opportunity to interview with them. I had almost 20 hours of interview time with a lot of the main characters. I was able to use their perspectives and not just write from memory. And we had 25 hours of VHS footage. I think we were able to totally capture our voices and personalities in a way that, had we not documented, would have been harder.

We have stayed in touch with all these people. It wasn’t like, “I’m going to go back and write about high school. I vaguely remember that time.” We’ve been talking about it as friends [laughs] for two decades. It was a topic we care about. It was an era that [laughs] we still talk about a lot.

For a lot of people, high school wasn’t that memorable.

It was memorable for us because it was when we figured out we were gay. It was also when we figured out we were artists and creatives, and we started our band. It was a memorable time for us.

GS: Were you at all concerned about your parents’ reactions to some of the revelations about drug use and sexual exploration and such?

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Sara (left) and Tegan Quin. (Photo Credit: Tegan and Sara Promotions) TQ: I wouldn’t use the word concerned, but we were definitely respectful about what we shared and didn’t share.

There’s a lot that didn’t make the book just out of courtesy.

We always tried to keep in the forefront of our minds that we were telling our story, not someone else’s story. We wanted to address the fact that my mom and Bruce (whom Tegan and Sara referred to as their “stepdad.” even though he never married their mother) separated at the end of high school, but we didn’t want to get into the reasons why.

We wanted to talk about the fact that we had done a lot of drugs, but we wanted to acknowledge that my mother had been a single parent and then Bruce moved in with us and my mother went back (to school) to get her master’s and had to work evenings. It wasn’t like we were doing drugs under her nose because we were dicks. She worked hard and did the best she could. We tried to be respectful, but right from the beginning we said it was an important story to tell.

We felt like it would be purposeful in that it would touch and effect people and provide representation for a community of people who don’t often have it. In general, I think everyone is glad we did it and, in general, understood why we wanted to do it [laughs]. I think there some were tears, for sure. It’s hard to go back to that time for everybody.

GS: One of the things you wrote about was the sensation of writing one of your first songs, “I felt a glow of purpose.” Do you still feel that way when you are writing songs?

TQ: Yes. I think I do feel that way. I don’t know if I feel when I’m writing the song, but I feel it when I’m able to record it and demo it, listen back to it and share it. I still get a kick and a high from writing. I think being a creative is still the best part of my job. My career is many jobs. I’m a creator, I’m an influencer, I’m a content creator, I’m a musician, I’m a businesswoman, I’m a merchandise company. I feel like I wear

GS: I’m glad you mentioned the multiple things that you are and how you referred to it as many jobs. In your section of the epilogue, you wrote about convincing your grandfather to lend you the money to make your first album by telling him you weren’t “just going to be artists,” you “were going to be business owners.” Does that have anything to do with the title of the 2000 Tegan and Sara album “This Business of Art?” TQ: Yes, because it was not cool to be into the business. We had our hands slapped a lot during that time. We had had management for a very short period. We decided that it wasn’t the right relationship. We were unrepresented when we signed a record deal. We went on to manage ourselves for two years and build our career on our own. There were a lot of people in the industry who said we should focus on the creative and not the business. I thought that was ridiculous.

I’m not saying that people were trying to take advantage of us, but we were young women. That time period, pre-social media, pre-influencers, you were supposed to keep them separate, not be involved in the business side. As an artist, you shouldn’t care. It was uncool to think of yourself as marketing as well as being an artist. For me and Sara, that felt emphatically incorrect. If I care about art, I should care about the business.

It’s my art, it’s my songs. I should be the one to decide where it goes, what it looks like, what venues I play. If I can’t tell you what my record deal contains, then I’m just an idiot. We must know everything. “This Business of Art” was a cheeky F U to the industry saying, “We know what’s up. We’re in control and we’re not going to be manipulated.”

GS: Something I found fascinating was the influence of Smashing Pumpkins on you and Sara. Have you met Billy Corgan and does he know the impact he had on your lives?

TQ: [Laughs] it’s a funny story. We have met Billy Corgan.

We were 24 and out promoting “So Jealous.” “Walking With a Ghost” was climbing the charts on alternative radio. It was our first time ever experiencing any mainstream attention.

Elliott Roberts, who signed us, who was Neil Young’s manager and sadly passed away recently, was briefly managing Billy Corgan. It was Billy Corgan’s birthday and Elliott called the hotel where we were staying in Chicago and said, “They’re having a birthday party for Billy. I’m trying to get you an opening slot on a tour of his. He’s aware of you, and he loves the song. Would you like to come to his birthday party and play the song?” Sara and I were like, “Oh my God, no!”

I’m no different at 38 than I was at 24. I’m horrified to meet famous people, especially people that I respect and love.

You get so nervous! We were so awkward about it. At the last moment we told everyone on our team that we were going to go by ourselves. We didn’t want to show up with our gear.

We’re just going to go and say hi. They were all so mad at us because they thought we were stealing their opportunity to meet Billy. Our drummer was so mad. We get to the party, and his tour manager knew who we were. He came over and said he would introduce us to Billy. He took us over and see Quin on 16

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Oct. 18-31, 2019

qnotes

15

a&e Quin

continued from page 14

Tegan (left) and Sara Quin. (Photo Credit: Tegan and Sara Promotions) introduced us, saying that Elliott manages us. He said, “Hi.” Like he had no idea who we were or if he did know he didn’t say. We just spiraled. It was cute, I’m sure. We were like [gushing], “Oh my God, we love you so

16

much! We’ve been obsessed with you since the nineties. One time we slept in a parking lot to get tickets to the Melon Collie and the ‘Infinite Sadness’ tour. We love you so much!

We weren’t sure if we should come. Elliott told us to bring our guitars, but we didn’t want to. We left our band at the hotel. We hope it’s okay if we come back with them.”

He just sort of stared at us and then he said, “Oh yeah, Elliott told me who you are. You can come back as long as your band’s not weird.” We told him they aren’t weird and he said it was all right to come back with them.

He walked off, and we went back to the hotel. We told the band we can’t go back. They were all so mad at us!

GS: While working on “High School,” you and Sara unearthed lost cassettes of early songs that you then recorded for what would become the “Hey I’m Just Like You” album. Did you immediately recognize the Tegan of that time or did she feel like someone else to you?

TQ: [Laughs] I did recognize me. If anything, I think what’s been shocking about this process is how little I feel like I’ve changed. You go back and you think, “Oh my God, how silly or how ridiculous or how different or I’ve become so much better than I was.” The truth is that, Sara and I, because of our queer identity and because we established that we were musicians in high school and started to build our career right away, I think a lot of our identity was developed at that time. That may not necessarily be common. I think a lot of young people find themselves in college or those first few years out of their parents’ house.

But I think probably as a product of being left alone a lot, a lot of responsibility was put on our shoulders, understandably.

When I go back and see the journals and the videos and I hear the songs, I see a lot of the person that I am today. I’m proud of that. I think we were really advanced for our age, and we had to grow up quick. I’m glad we established so much of who we felt we were during that time. I think that helped us get ahead.: :

qnotes

Oct. 18-31, 2019

a&e

When To Tell The Truth?

When To Shut Up?

both have to agree on, or agree to disagree on. But before you move in, have “the talk.”

(Mercy, I have a hard time with that word, too.

See my cartoon on how faint it makes me.)

Hugs, Trinity

BY Trinity | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

Dearest Trinity, I started dating someone in my office. My best friend thinks that it will cause problems.

I agree with my best friend, but I really love this person. Help!

Yours, Internal Affairs, Charleston, SC

Tell Trinity

Hello Trinity, My new girlfriend has a four-year-old daughter that she conceived by sleeping with a man just to get pregnant. She has never told the father or the daughter about each other.

However, I feel strongly that they both have a right to know. My girlfriend disagrees and never intends to tell either one of them. What do you think, and should I tell the father?

Losing Respect, Wichita, KS Hello Losing Respect, Remember, if you spill the beans, you may also have to eat them. Thus my vote is absolutely NO! Do not squeal on anyone unless someone’s life is in danger. And right now, no one’s life is in danger! So if you can’t be her partner because this bothers you too much, then say good-bye. Honey, my bet is that eventually, some day when she’s ready she’s going to want to come clean. For now, be respectful and supportive by letting her be the queen of her own destiny… rather than you being the Control Queen.

Kisses, Trinity

commit to being monogamous. Sex is not a big part of our relationship but companionship is.

What do you think about monogamy?

Monogamy Or Your Life, Portland, ME Dear Monogamy, Many couples have trouble with mo…, mo…, monogamy. Living and loving someone special is a give and take, and mo…, mo…, monogamy is hard for men, I mean many.

Sweetie, this may be one of those issues you

Hey Trinity, Getting my girlfriend away from her work is a big problem in our relationship. How do I get her to see that she’s a workaholic?

Thanks, Work Or Me, Dayton, OH Hey Work Or Me, There are MANY reasons for working too much, but there are many MORE reasons to not work so much, i.e., life, love, adventure, health and so on. More often

Dear Trinity, I’m about to move out of my own house and in with my boyfriend of three years, but I cannot

qomunity

qonexions

Dearest Internal Affairs, Good relationships always have two major ingredients — time together and time apart. Dating a coworker may give you a new appreciation for “time apart.”

By dating a coworker, you get to spend almost every waking hour with your new hate, I mean date. And, darling, if that doesn’t scare you, then do the math.

Eight working hours together plus four to six hours socializing together. Well, that leaves you just enough time to run away to a new job… in another part of the world.

Lots of Luck, Trinity

than not, most people don’t even know they’re workaholics until they see...

Trinity’s Eye-Opening Tips For Knowing If You’re A Workaholic

1. Thinking about Mondays brings you tears of joy.

2. You love watching the sunrise… from your office window.

3. I f you can’t correspond on WhatsApp, then you’re not interested in corresponding.

4. Anyone who can’t do two or three things at once you call, “A slacker!”

5. A microwave, Keurig machine and takeout menus are what you proudly call your “kitchen!”

6. Driving means: shaving or applying makeup, talking on the cell phone with clients, and/or… getting dressed at a stop light.

7. Someone finally asks you to marry them, but you only have time to answer them by… email.

8. Attending weddings and funerals seem ridiculous when you can be making money instead.

9. Vacations mean: swimsuits, cocktails, tropical breezes, the cell phone, laptop or your new iPad pro.

10. L astly, it’s been years since you’ve done your own laundry, cooking, cleaning or driving, and you can’t remember how!

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com.

Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

space starting at $22: call qnotes for details 704.531.9988

Oct. 18-31, 2019

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events October 18-27 ‘The Rocky Horror Picture Show’

Theatre Alliance 1047 Northwest Blvd., Winston-Salem 8 p.m.

Live and in action with audience participation, Theatre Alliance will put on a performance of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.” Tickets and more information are available online. bit.ly/35o9a0h.

October 18-29 Stonewall Connect ‘Walk on the Greenway’

Trader Joe’s 1133 Metropolitan Ave., Charlotte 6 p.m., Oct. 22 11:15 a.m., Oct. 29 Enjoy the fall weather this season with a group walk on the greenway.

This group meets every Tuesday in October with an optional lunch or dinner. stonewallcharlotte.org.

October 18-November 24 The Carolina Renaissance Festival

16445 Poplar Tent Rd., Huntersville l0 a.m.-5:30 p.m.

Jousting tournament, camel rides, and turkey legs are just a part of this annual medieval festival. This year even features mermaids.

Open Saturdays and Sundays. renfestinfo.com.

October 18 7th Annual Carolina Conference on Queer Youth: ‘Intersectionality: The Starting Point’

University of North Carolina at Charlotte Student Center 9201 University City Blvd., Charlotte 8 a.m.-4 p.m.

The conference will provide attendees who work with LGBTQ youth an overview for working with

this population including topics regarding healthcare, ethics, school systems and hearing perspectives directly from LGBTQ youth. The conference brings together educators, support staff, counselors, therapists, helping professionals, individuals in higher education, community members, and undergraduate and graduate students from across North Carolina to discuss topics supporting LGBTQ youth in the region. It is presented

by Time Out Youth Center, UNC Charlotte’s Office of Identity, Equity, and Engagement and Equality North Carolina. CEUs are available for professionals which one can request on their registration form. A light breakfast and lunch will be provided for all attendees who register. Parking is available in the UNC Charlotte Student Union parking deck for $15 for the day.

Onsite registration runs from 7:308 a.m. and is open to K-12 educators and support staff, counselors, therapists, individuals in higher education, community members and undergraduate and graduate students. timeoutyouth.org/CCQY.

October 18 Melanie Martinez – The K-12 Tour The Fillmore Charlotte AvidXchange Music Factory 820 Hamilton St., Charlotte.

8 p.m.

Melanie Martinez bringing her sophomore album to life with a spin on school life. Tickets start at $90 and are available online. fillmorenc.com.

October 19-20 LGBTQ+ History Bus Tour

Charlotte Area Join the Charlotte LGBT Elders for a tour around The Queen City.

Hosted by Community Building Initiative and Invisible Histories Project. Josh Buford will lead this tour. Participants must register in advance. For more information, email afoard@cbicharlotte.org. bit.ly/2VBRtWj.

October-November 2019 Submit your events: editor@goqnotes.com

October 19 AIDS Walk and 5k run

NC Museum of Art 2110 Blue Ridge Rd., Raleigh 9 a.m.

The AIDS and 5k run will take place at the North Carolina Museum of Art. Fun for the whole family, with music, food and friends. Register early. aidswalkand5krun.com.

October 19 Pride WS Festival & Parade

Art District Trade St. N.W., Winston -Salem 10 a.m.-6:30 p.m.

Food trucks, musical guests, LGBTQ vendors and a parade. Celebrate diversity, love and equal rights for all. pridews.org.

October 20: Reignbow Fest 2019

October 21 Navigating Your Child’s and Your Family’s Journey

Queen City Makers pairs up with the Midwood Fall Crawl for a neighborhood event. Local beer, vendors and various food trucks.

Live music and free admission. plazamidwood.org.

Time Out Youth Center 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte 7 p.m.

A workshop for parents and caregivers of LGBTQ youth, including guest speakers and parents of LGBTQ youth. pflagcharlotte.org.

October 25-November 3 Upstate Pride Week 2019

Spartanburg Various Times and Locations First-ever Upstate Pride Week featuring 10 days of celebrations and Pride-themed events for all ages across Upstate South Carolina.

Festival headliners include Cazwell, Mila Jam and “RuPaul’s Drag Race” Peppermint. bit.ly/31bEVGz.

October 25 Alphabet Soup Gay Improv

Wet Willie’s VIP Room 900 NC Music Factory Blvd., Charlotte 8 p.m.

Charlotte’s first and only LGBTQIA improv team serves straight up improv comedy with a twist. Ticket information is available online. bit.ly/33vsNBT.

October 25 Charlotte Symphony’s ‘Nightmare Before Christmas’

November 6: Elton John — Farewell Yellow Brick Road

Musical legend Elton John brings his farewell tour to the Spectrum Center. Public ticket sales begin on October 5, 2018 at 10 a.m. Tickets start at $59.50 and are available online. Spectrum Center, 333 E. Trade St., Charlotte. 8 p.m. bit.ly/2PdQrQK.

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Oct. 18-31, 2019

Reignbow Fest is an influential and safe space to spread the message that the LGBTQ community matters through Arti-vism. Artistry and Activism through local talent from all over N.C. Ticket information is available online. The Artist Bloc, 1020 W. Gate City Blvd., Greensboro.

8 p.m. bit.ly/2MEoFsc.

October 26 2019 Queen City OktoberFest

The Carole Hoefener Center 615 6th St., Charlotte l-5 p.m.

The third annual Queen City OktoberFest arts and crafts festival includes Halloween bake sale, face painting, pie eating contest, a gypsies dance crew and more. This event is part of a “Trick or Treat Safety Campaign.” bit.ly/2nRpd5h.

October 27 HRC Charlotte’s Boos and Brews Halloween Party

NoDa Brewing Company 2921 N. Tryon St., Charlotte 12 p.m.

The 8th anniversary Boo’s and Brews Halloween party, will take place at NoDa Brewing Company.

This event will include a special anniversary beer and costume contest for all ages. Children and dogs are welcomed. A portion of the proceeds benefits Human Rights Campaign. RSVP online. bit.ly/2MxvnQO.

October 29-November 3 ‘Les Miserables’

Belk Theater at Blumenthal Performing Arts Center 130 N. Tryon St., Charlotte 7:30 p.m.

Tim Burton’s classic Halloween– Christmas film will be shown in its entirety on a large screen projected above the Charlotte Symphony as they perform. Follow Jack the Pumpkin King on his quest to seize Christmas. charlottesymphony.org.

Ovens Auditorium 2700 E. Independence Blvd., Charlotte 8 p.m.

‘Les Miserables’ tells the story of love, passion, sacrifice and redemption. Songs like “I Dreamed A Dream” and “On My Own,” have made this musical one for the history books. Tickets start at $25 and are available online. blumenthalarts.org.

October 26 Midwood Fall Crawl

November 1 AFFA Gala 2019

Midwood Park 21 Wilhelmina Ave., Charlotte 12-7 p.m.

The Cedar Room 701 E. Bay St., No.200, Charleston S.C. 6 p.m., Reception & Silent Auction

7 p.m., Dinner & Live Auction ​9 p.m., Dancing An evening of dinner and dancing as AFFA celebrates their achievements and look to the future. After Party at 11 p.m. at Bar Mash with DJ Trevor D, Tickets and sponsorships are available online. affa-sc.org/gala/.

November 2 Second Chance Halloween

The Hide-A-Way 405 E. Baskins Rd., Rock Hill 8 p.m.

A midnight drag show with Makaylah Dushot, Tia Douglas and Skylar Michele-Monet. Costume contest and more. scrainbowin@gmail.com.

November 2 Charlotte Pride Band

Myers Park Baptist Church Heaton Hall 1900 Queens Rd., Charlotte 7:30 p.m.

CPB kicks off their 10th season dedicated to contemporary classics. The concert will take place in Heaton Hall at Myers Park Baptist Church with refreshments during a brief intermission. charlotteprideband.org.

November 9 Gay Bingo Super Hero Bingo

Charlotte Convention Center 501 S. College St., Charlotte 6:30 p.m.

Gay Bingo presents Gay Super Hero Bingo. A wild, fun night full of costumes, song, dance and prizes.

This annual fundraiser raises money for RAIN. carolinarain.org.

November 9 ALFA ‘s Uncorked

The Crossing 883 Highland Ave., Hickory 6 p.m.

Fun evening featuring a wine tasting, craft beer and chef demonstration.

Jump start holiday shopping at their silent auction and wine sale. Tickets are $25 and are available online. alfainfo.org.

life

REGULAR EVENTS Charlotte LGBT Chamber

Regular business meetings, social events and other activities throughout the year. Days and times vary. info: clgbtcc.org.

HIV Support Group

Dudley’s Place at Rosedale Medical holds support groups for HIV positive individuals every other Tuesday at 6 p.m., Rosedale Medical, 103 Commerce Centre Dr., Suite 103, Huntersville. Call Dudley’s Place at 704-977-2972 for dates and more information or follow on Facebook and Instagram for updates. info: rosedaleid.com.

PFLAG Concord/Kannapolis

Meets for monthly group support meetings, second Tuesday of each month, 7-9 p.m., Trinity United Church of Christ, 38 Church St. N., Concord. info: bit.ly/1pCFVBq.

PFLAG Gaston

Meets for monthly support meetings, third Thursday of each month, 7 p.m., St. Mark’s Episcopal Church, 258 W. Franklin Blvd., Gastonia. info: pflaggaston.org.

Prime Timers

Monthly meeting including dinner, speaker, games and more for gay men ages 21 and up, 5-7 p.m., Park Road Baptist Church Fellowship Hall, 3900 Park Rd., Charlotte. info: primetimersww.com/charlotte/.

Stonewall Sports

Regular team sports, meet-up, social and service events throughout the year. Days and times vary. info: stonewallcharlotte.leagueapps.com.

Our People: Lydia E. Lavelle Politician, Educator, Activist

M

BY Mykah Buff |Guest Contributor

ayor of Carrboro, N.C. and law professor at North Carolina Central University School of Law, Lydia E. Lavelle has played a vital role in the fight for LGBTQ rights in North Carolina.

Having passed resolutions condemning the actions of the state legislature and Gov. Pat McCrory in 2016, which was in response to the passage of House Bill 2 by the North Carolina General Assembly, Lavelle has been on the front lines of defense against intolerance and discrimination of the LGBTQ community.

With being the first openly-lesbian mayor along with her advocacy and proactiveness to address issues in our community, qnotes thought it was time to get more acquainted with Lydia and to see what she has been up to lately.

As mayor of Carrboro, N.C., what are your duties and day-today activities?

I prepare for and lead our Board of Aldermen meetings, which are held every Tuesday night. I am a member of several other boards in my role as mayor. I am also asked to speak at various events and to attend various meetings on behalf of the town. Technically, mayors are part-time in N.C. That being said, a mayor is always on duty because the town runs 24/7.

In comparison to your life prior to becoming mayor and a public figure, how has your life changed?

I still do the dishes and mow the yard, but it is a little weird when people I don’t know come up to me and call me by name. I do love that I feel comfortable just being myself in my community — I can just wear a T-shirt and running shorts when I go to the store. And email. I get a LOT more email.

How did it feel being the first openly-lesbian mayor in the state?

It felt very natural, especially being in Carrboro. After I was elected, former Carrboro Mayor Mike Nelson (the first gay mayor in N.C.) said, “Order has been restored in the universe: Carrboro once again has an LGBT mayor.”

Trans Youth Group

Prior to your academic and political career, what did you do?

I played sports growing up, and continued that interest in college. After college, I went to graduate school and earned a degree in Recreation Administration. I worked in the field of Parks and Recreation for several years before I decided to go to law school.

UPDATES/ADDITIONS?

Where did your interest in politics come from?

My dad was very involved in politics. He was the chair of the Democratic Party in Ohio when I was young. He and my mom were always off at one political event or another. He was a delegate for JFK at the 1960 Democratic convention, and for Al Gore at the 2000 convention.

Time Out Youth Center hosts weekly discussion groups for transgender youth ages 13-20 each Thursday, 4:306 p.m., 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org.

Do you have a regular and reoccurring community event you’d like listed? A listing to update? Email us at editor@ goqnotes.com.

What are some of your future career aspirations?

I am figuring that out. I do know that I enjoy public service.

What inspired you to teach?

I enjoy learning, and as a teacher, you are constantly learning. I also enjoy being around academia and challenging my students intellectually. Thinking back, I remember coming home from school every day and playing school with my little sister, teaching her everything I learned. As a result, she learned how to read before kindergarten, so I guess you could say I’ve been a teacher for a very long time!

While I’m sure you enjoy both areas of your career, being mayor as well as an educator, but, if you absolutely had to pick one, which one would you choose and why?

Wow, that is a tough question, one that I am not sure I can answer. I might go with being an educator because of the one-on-one impact I can have on students. But I prefer to balance both as long as I can.

I imagine both of your positions can be demanding and stressful at times, during times of adversity or opposition, what motivates you to keep going?

When I commit myself to something, I just do it. Fortunately, I have never lacked motivation for either position.

What’s your life like outside of being mayor and a professor?

I really enjoy my downtime. I love to read, participate in fantasy baseball and play board games. I work hard, and play hard. I also have a wonderful family, and an extended family of siblings, cousins and in-laws that I love catching up with.

What types of things do you and your wife, Alicia, enjoy doing?

We like to hike and bike. We love to sit together at night and catch up on each other’s busy days. Alicia is a wonderful cook and we enjoy having friends over for dinner.

What’s your favorite food?

Fried pickles.

What are some of your favorite places to travel for vacation?

Our very favorite is the best beach in the world, Sunset Beach, N.C. If we are in a mountain mood, we travel to Brevard, N.C. Do you and your wife have any children or foresee any in the future?

We have two young adult children, 24 and 21. We enjoy spending time with them. : : Read the extended profile online at goqnotes.com/64022.

Oct. 18-31, 2019

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Oct. 18-31, 2019