QNotes, October 20, 2017

Oct. 20-Nov. 2. 2017

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inside

qnotes news & features

arts. news. views.seek win 4 entertainment.

Mayoral candidates

5 Queen City votes 2017 6 News Notes: U.S./World Briefs 7 News Notes: Regional Briefs

a&e / life&style 10 10 11 14 15 16 18 19

Women’s health risks Gypsy Rose’s Mama Travis Wall & Shaping Sound Changing My Reflection Tell Trinity Dishing with Buff Faye Q Events Calendar Our People: Dee Murray

opinions & views 13 Spiritual Reflections

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online

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Staying on top of healthcare issues can mean a matter of life or death. page 10

Women’s health risks go beyond breast cancer

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New Research finds Marsha P. Johnson might have been killed for her LGBTQ activism arts. entertainment. news. views.

Sept. 30 - goqnotes.com/53663 ’Orange Is The New Black’ star comes to Charlotte and loves it Oct. 1 - goqnotes.com/54093 The ghost of Freddie Mercury slams North Carolina in Netflix’s ‘Big Mouth’ Oct. 1 - goqnotes.com/54101 Televangelist Pat Robertson blames Las Vegas shooting for disrespect for Trump, God & country Oct. 2 - goqnotes.com/54115

more news & features …

Watch the documentary: ‘Pay it No Mind: The Life and Times of Marsha P. Johnson’ Oct. 2 - goqnotes.com/53659 A Charlotte cop thanked Milo Yiannopoulos for his posts about Keith Lamont Scott Oct. 5 - goqnotes.com/54270 Transphobic fliers for Democratic Charlotte City Council candidate appear, paid for by anti-LGBTQ group Oct. 10 - goqnotes.com/54506

Our People: Dee Murray

Spiritual Reflections

Post-anesthesia care unit registered nurse cherishes family, grandchildren and career page 19

Loving one’s self is an important way to maintain good health and a positive outlook on life page 13

Why we still need National Coming Out Day Oct. 11 - goqnotes.com/54522 NC Attorney General Josh Stein suing Trump over ‘unlawful and reckless’ attack on health care Oct. 13 - goqnotes.com/54560

Oct. 20-Nov. 2. 2017

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qnotes connect Oct. 20-Nov. 2, 2017 Vol 32 No 13

arts. entertainment. news. views. goqnotes.com twitter.com/qnotescarolinas facebook.com/qnotescarolinas

contributors this issue

Buff Faye, Maria Dominguez, Rev. Malu Fairley, Lynette Matusik, Lainey Millen, Mark Segal, Jeff Taylor, Trinity, Jerry Yelton

front page

Graphic Design by Lainey Millen Photography: Matthew Murphy Mission:

The focus of QNotes is to serve the LGBT and straight ally communities of the Charlotte region, North Carolina and beyond, by featuring arts, entertainment, news and views content in print and online that directly enlightens, informs and engages the readers about LGBT life and social justice issues.

Pride Publishing & Typesetting, Inc., dba QNotes P.O. Box 221841, Charlotte, NC 28222 ph 704.531.9988 fx 704.531.1361 Publisher: Jim Yarbrough Sales: x201 adsales@goqnotes.com Nat’l Sales: Rivendell Media, ph 212.242.6863 Managing Editor: Jim Yarbrough, editor@goqnotes.com Assoc. Editor: Lainey Millen, specialassignments@goqnotes.com Social Media Editor: Jeff Taylor, jeff@goqnotes.com Staff Writer: Maria Dominguez, maria@goqnotes.com Production: Lainey Millen, x205, production@goqnotes.com Printed on recycled paper.

Material in qnotes is copyrighted by Pride Publishing & Typesetting © 2017 and may not be reproduced in any manner without written consent of the editor or publisher. Advertisers assume full responsibility — and therefore, all liability — for securing reprint permission for copyrighted text, photographs and illustrations or trademarks published in their ads. The sexual orientation of advertisers, photographers, writers, cartoonists we publish is neither inferred nor implied. The appearance of names or photographs does not indicate the subject’s sexual orientation. qnotes nor its publisher assumes liability for typographical error or omission, beyond offering to run a correction. Official editorial positions are expressed in staff editorials and editorial notations and are determined by editorial staff. The opinions of contributing writers and guest columnists do not necessarily represent the opinions of qnotes or its staff. qnotes accepts unsolicited editorial, but cannot take responsibility for its return. Editor reserves the right to accept and reject material as well as edit for clarity, brevity.

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Charlotte heads to the polls to pick its next mayor, the seventh one in eight years What the LGBTQ community can expect from a Mayor Smith or a Mayor Lyles

by Jeff Taylor :: qnotes staff

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Charlotte has already begun early voting in a race to select the city’s seventh mayor in eight years.

Republican Councilmember Kenny Smith is facing off against Democratic Mayor Pro Tem Vi Lyles, after she beat incumbent Mayor Jennifer Roberts in a crowded primary.

Smith expected to run against Roberts, who enjoyed a huge financial advantage over her opponents, so much so that she was the only candidate able to run TV ads.

Smith is now trying to tie Lyles to Roberts, since he can’t use the same “failed leadership” line on her.

Instead, he claims she will offer more of the same, telling The Charlotte Observer that she’s “pretty lock-step with Jennifer.”

At press time, Smith’s campaign website still prominently features his campaign announcement video, where he criticizes Roberts as an ineffective leader.

He cites the controversies around Charlotte’s decision to offer protections for the LGBTQ community, with the non-discrimination ordinance that Roberts championed, and which the North Carolina General Assembly (NCGA)responded to with the anti-LGBTQ law House Bill 2.

He also mentions the police shooting death of Keith Lamont Scott, and the protest and unrest that followed.

Roberts appeared to try to have it both ways, alternately appearing on the side of the city and Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Chief Kerr Putney, while at other times condemning what she called a lack of transparency.

Lyles and Smith responded in more or less the same way, by signing onto a city council letter in support of Putney.

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They have also both expressed disappointments at the Police Foundation’s report on the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department’s response to the protests, with Smith hoping

for more recommendations and Lyles wishing it had focused more on broader issues and problems in the community.

Even their stated issues of top priority look nearly identical, with Smith saying he wants to focus on public safety, infrastructure and jobs, and Lyles saying she wants to focus on equity, transportation, infrastructure, affordable housing and jobs.

LGBTQ issues One of the biggest issues in this race, and not just with the community, is that of LGBTQ rights.

Lyles voted for the LGBTQ inclusive nondiscrimination ordinance in 2015 and 2016, when it finally passed, with a 7-4 vote.

Her vote for the ordinance in 2015, after an amendment removed transgender bathroom and locker room protections, drew some criticism from the transgender and allied communities.

Smith voted against the ordinance both years.

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He argued in 2015 that the purpose of the bill was to “impose the progressive left’s new morality on our citizens.”

Last year, he called the public forum where members of the community could voice their support or opposition to the bill as “a sham” and called the ordinance “outrageous.”

He incorrectly stated that there is no reason to believe that transgender people would be made safer by being granted the right to use bathrooms matching their gender identity. In fact, surveys that show many transgender people, whom he called “transgenders,” have faced harassment and violence when forced into facilities that don’t match their identity.

In Smith’s aforementioned campaign video, he puts the blame for the boycotts that followed the passage of HB2 solely on Roberts, despite the fact that those staying away from the state cited the anti-LGBTQ discrimination sanctioned

by HB2.

He oversimplifies, and misrepresents, the issue and the unfolding events by claiming it was “the mayor’s pursuit of the ‘bathroom ordinance’” that “cost us thousands of jobs, hundreds of millions in economic development and high profile sporting events that were once commonplace in our city.”

Both Lyles and Smith met with members of the NCGA to discuss a “compromise,” that resulted in HB142, a bill that prevents cities from passing non-discrimination ordinances that protect the LGBTQ community until 2020.

It also prevents any entity under the state’s control, such as state universities, from enacting policies that allow transgender people to use facilities matching their gender identity.

While Lyles has some explaining to do on that front — qnotes tried to interview both candidates, but neither returned repeated requests — it is clear that a Mayor Smith would be a much more dangerous proposition for the LGBTQ community and its allies.

When asked by the Observer if he would use his veto power if elected mayor and the council attempted to pass another nondiscrimination ordinance protecting the LGBTQ community, he would not rule it out.

With statements like these, as well as his voting record, it is no surprise that LGBTQ rights organizations — the Human Rights Campaign, MeckPAC and Equality North Carolina — are throwing their support behind Lyles, after supporting Roberts in the primary.

Early voting in the race has already begun, and Election Day is Nov. 7. Go to mecknc.gov for voting information. : :

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Election 2017

Queen City votes 2017 LGBTQ endorsements and voter guides for the 2017 election year

by Jerry Yelton :: qnotes contributor CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Charlotte knows firsthand the importance of electing officials who will work to protect the LGBTQ community. In passing the non-discrimination ordinance of 2016, the mayor and city council voted to protect transgender and gender non-conforming Charlotteans.

Though the North Carolina state legislature did not allow these protections to stand, the LGBTQ community knows that its city can and will do better. Pride may come once a year in Uptown, but LGBTQ voters have to ensure that they are proud every day and that the elected officials represent the community’s intersectional interests.

Here is a list of Mecklenburg County candidates who have been endorsed by Equality North Carolina, a few of whom have also received endorsements from the Human Rights Campaign and MeckPAC. Online at goqnotes. com/54575, you can find the full list of endorsements statewide for candidates that promise to advocate for our queer North Carolinians.

Mayor of Charlotte Vi Lyles Lyles has also been endorsed by the Human Rights Campaign (the only North Carolinian endorsed this year by the organization) and by MeckPAC. vilyles.com.

Charlotte City Council At Large Julie Eiselt Eiselt has also been endorsed by MeckPAC. julieeiselt.com.

Ryan McGill McGill has also been endorsed by MeckPAC. voteryanmcgill.com.

James “Smuggie” Mitchell Mitchell has also been endorsed by MeckPAC. votejamesmitchell.com.

Braxton Winston Winston has also been endorsed by MeckPAC. votebraxton.com.

Charlotte City Council District 1 Patsy Kinsey Kinsey has also been endorsed by MeckPAC. patsykinsey.com.

Charlotte City Council District 2 Justin Harlow Harlow has also been endorsed by MeckPAC. votejustinharlow.com.

Charlotte City Council District 3 LaWana Mayfield Mayfield has also been endorsed by MeckPAC. votelawanamayfield.com.

Charlotte City Council District 4 Wil Russell Russell has also been endorsed by MeckPAC. wilrussell.com.

Charlotte City Council District 5 Matt Newton Newton has also been endorsed by MeckPAC. mattnewtonfor5.com.

CMS Board of Education District 1 Jess Miller jessforcms.com.

CMS Board of Education District 4 Carol Sawyer sawyerforschools.com.

CMS Board of Education District 5 Margaret Marshall margaretmarshallforschoolboard.com.

CMS Board of Education District 6 Allen Smith allenforschoolboard.com.

Davidson Commissioner George Berger facebook.com/GeorgeBerger4DAV.

Jane Campbell facebook.com/JaneForDavidson.

Ryan Fay fay4commish.wordpress.com.

Rodney Graham voterodneygraham.com.

Matthews Commissioner Sebastian Feculak sebastianformatthews.com.

Dimple Shah dimpleformatthews.com.

Pineville Town Council Scott Goldsmith scottkgoldsmith.com.

Unsure of polling locations, voting days and times or what voters need to bring with them?

(Hint: One does not need to bring anything! The discriminatory voter ID law was struck down in 2016), Visit ncvoter.org for more information on how to vote in 2017. : :

Oct. 20-Nov. 2. 2017

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news notes: u.s./world compiled by Lainey Millen :: qnotes staff

Transgender military lawsuits ensue WASHINGTON, D.C. — So far four court cases have been filed, and more could be coming, against the Trump administration’s transgender military ban.

The National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR) and GLBTQ Legal Advocates & Defenders (GLAD) spoke out against the Department of Justice’s response in Doe v. Trump which they filed on behalf of five transgender servicemembers.

The organizations said that the stance is already causing servicemembers and the country undue harm. They filed a motion in the case on Aug. 31 adding two more plaintiffs.

And, the organizations shared that more than 100 members of Congress wrote to Defense Secretary Jim Mattis asking him to provide any “discussions or correspondence between the White House and the Pentagon” that purportedly informed Donald Trump’s decision to ban transgender individuals from serving in the military.

NCLR and GLAD, who have been at the center of the legal fight against the ban, commended the members’ action. “The military studied this issue for nearly a year and concluded that transgender service members serving openly benefits the military and promotes military readiness. The ban has been met with opposition and criticism from the highest ranking military officers as well as countless service members, veterans, and bipartisan members of Congress.”

NCLR Legal Director Shannon Minter and GLAD Transgender Rights Project Director Jennifer Levi issued the following statement in response: “The president’s abrupt decision to override the military’s carefully considered policy on transgender service members showed a shocking disregard not only for the thousands of currently serving transgender troops, including those deployed overseas, but also for the experience and expertise of military leaders. … Every day this ban is allowed to stay in place, our national security is undermined and transgender service members who have proved their fitness to serve are being unfairly targeted and demeaned.”

U.S. Army Capt. Jennifer Peace told InStyle in an interview, “There is no correlation between being transgender and your performance in the military,” and “The idea that I could lose a job I’m passionate about because of something that has no impact on my ability to serve is really difficult to think about.” She added, “I’ve been thinking about it every day since the announcement. This is my life. This is

my career. Nothing else makes sense for me. I just can’t imagine not putting on a uniform.”

Equality California picked up the mantle and filed Stockman v. Trump, along with NCLR and GLAD, representing seven plaintiffs. The suit claims the ban “unlawfully discriminates against transgender people on the basis of their gender identity; impinges upon transgender people’s fundamental rights by penalizing and stigmatizing them for expressing a fundamental aspect of their personal identity; and unfairly punishes transgender people who came out in the military in reliance on the government’s assurances that they could serve openly.”

“The government’s response reads like pure fiction,” Levi said. “It states a fantasy that the president’s announcement of a ban on military service for transgender people has changed nothing. That’s simply not true.”

Minter added, “The president’s attack on transgender service members who have dedicated their lives to serving our country is unconscionable. Rather than even attempting to defend it, the DOJ is asking the court to turn a blind eye to the devastation the president has caused in the lives of real people and real families.” info: nclrights.org. glad.org. eqca.org. instyle.com.

QUICK HITS —————————————————————————————— The Wisconsin Gazette reported that the anti-gay Westboro Baptist Church would picket the funeral of Sgt. Donna Johnson, a lesbian who was killed in action in Afghanistan. info: wisconsingazette.com.

The next season of “RuPaul’s Drag Race” will feature an All Stars cast. info: allstars.logotv.com.

Armistead Maupin has released a new book entitled “Logical Family: A Memoir.” He was interviewed by The Washington Post columnist Steven Petrow, saying that he “feels lucky to be here.” info: stevenpetrow.com.

The award-winning suspense thriller “B&B” was released in the U.S. on Oct. 13. It was written and directed by BAFTA-nominated

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Oct. 20-Nov. 2 . 2017

Joe Ahearne and produced by Jayne Chard. info: bnbfilm.co.uk.

Indonesia has tried to ban LGBTQ content on TV before it turns everyone gay, Netshark reported. info: netshark.com.

Submissions are being accepted for the annual Lammys for the Lambda Literary Awards. info: lambdaliterary.org.

A groundbreaking LGBTQ art show is on display in Taiwan, the first-ever exhibition at a government-run museum, NBC News reported. info: nbcnews.com.

LGBTQ celebrities are changing society through pop culture, Forbes Magazine reported. info: forbes.com.=

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news notes: carolinas compiled by Lainey Millen :: qnotes staff

Charlotte Candidate mixer approaches

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce will hold its Clock in with the Candidates on Oct. 24, 6:30 p.m., at Resident Culture Brewing Company, 2101 Central Ave. Participants will be able to speak to local candidates running for office about issues that concern your family, business, and community. Be among the first 75 to RSVP and join a speed-networking-style format that will allow attendees to speak directly with each candidate for a designated amount of time. A mix and mingle session will follow while enjoying pizza and beverages.

The event is free and registration is available online. info: bit.ly/2kQvn3I. clgbtcc.org.

Carbonaro comes to Queen City

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Gay actor and illusionist Michael Carbonaro will bring his talents to Charlotte on Oct. 27, 8 p.m., where he will perform at Ovens Auditiorium, 2900 E. Independence Blvd.

Carbonaro began performing magic as a young boy and studied experimental theatre at New York University.

His hidden-camera magic is well known, and he has his own original magic series, “The

Carbonaro Effect,” on truTV. He has also been seen on “Happily Divorced,” “30 Rock,” “Grey’s Anatomy” and “CSI Miami,” among others.

Carbonaro was the recipient of the Outfest Best Actor award, as well as Magician of the Year from the Academy of Magical Arts. In 2016, he was the inaugural recipient of the Copperfield Prize which recognizes an individual for elevating the art of magic.

Tickets range from $29-$45 and are available online.

He will also perform on Oct. 26, 7:30 p.m., at Township Auditorium, 1703 Taylor St., in Columbia, S.C. Tickets range from $29-$39 and are available online. For those who wish to enjoy a meet and greet with Carbonaro and the show, tickets are $139. info: ovensauditorium.com. thetownship.org. michaelcarbonaro.com.

Beekman Boys set for fundraiser

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The Charlotte Mecklenburg Library Foundation will be hosting its Verse & Vino signature fundraiser on Nov. 2, 6 p.m., at the Charlotte Convention Center, 501 S College St. The event brings five New York Times bestselling authors to Charlotte, N.C. for an evening of food, wine, conversation and to celebrate the joy and importance of libraries, said the foundation’s marketing and communications specialist Melanie P. Baron.

news

AIDS conference empowering CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The North Carolina AIDS Action Network hosted their “Building Power Across the Spectrum” advocacy conference on Oct. 6-7 in Charlotte, N.C. The event kicked off with a Trans Health Summit at Packard Place in Uptown Charlotte, a change in venue from its original location at the Children and Family Services Center. The center was not willing to designate any multi-stall bathrooms in the building as gender neural, Network Executive Director Lee Storrow shared. Keynote speaker was transgender health issues and HIV expert Cecilia Chung of the Transgender Law Center in California.

That evening at a welcome Building Power Across the Spectrum conference participants reception at Carpe Diem Restaurant, the Network honored Dashita Croom, Roberto Olmo and Damon Seils with their annual Advocate of the Year Awards. “Dashita, Roberto and Damon have been consistent advocates for those living with HIV in our state. They’ve showed up to phone bank to save the Affordable Care Act, joined us for advocacy days in Raleigh and D.C. and are consistent champions for our community,” said Storrow.

On Saturday, advocates gathered for a day of workshops and networking at the Holiday Inn City Center. “Talk about being empowered! The Building Power Across the Spectrum Conference did more than just build power for me, it also added gasoline to the fire of advocacy in me that will help in continuing our fight to remove the stigma that is associated with HIV! The connections I was able to make with other amazing leaders in our state showed me that we are strong, dedicated and unstoppable in our passions to mobilize our communities in this fight,” commented Alicia Diggs, an advocate from Greensboro, N.C. and medical case manager with Positive Wellness Alliance. info: ncaan.org.

This year, one pair of authors — Brent Ridge and Josh Kilmer-Purcell, also known as the Beekman Boys — will join in the festivities.

The authors starred in their own TV series, “The Fabulous Beekman Boys,” and are the

see Carolinas News Notes on 8

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Carolinas News Notes continued from page 7 authors of three previous cookbooks and a quarterly magazine. Their newest release is the “Beekman 1802: A Seat at the Table” cookbook.

The couple came into the public eye when they were competitors on “The Amazing Race.” The two circled the world and landed on the mat in the number one spot to take home the first-place prize.

Last year’s event netted over $225,000 and attracted over 1,000 attendees.

Other authors slated to attend are Wiley Cash, Nikki Giovanni, Jamie Ford and Kate White.

Tickets are $125 and available online and include cocktail reception, book sales and signing, dinner, wine and program. Book club tables of 10 and sponsorships are still available. info: foundation.cmlibrary.org/verse-vino-2017.

Bingo rolls back in

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — RAIN’s Gay Bingo will be held on Nov. 11, 7:30 p.m., at the Grady Cole Center, 310 N. Kings Dr. Doors open at 6:30 p.m.

This year’s theme is “Phantom of the Bingo.” Barbara Burning Bush and her 20 Bingo-Verifying Divas will bring their talents to the stage while they perform choreographed musical numbers throughout the show.

The official Gay Bingo after party will be held at Bar at 316 at 316 Rensselaer Ave. Reserved tables in the front section are already sold out, organizers said. Reserved tables for 10 in the back are available for $400 each. General admission tickets at $35 each are for balcony seating. Tickets are available online and parking is $5 per car. info: gaybingocharlotte.org.

PFLAG nets honors

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) Charlotte will be the recipient of the Outstanding Chapter Award from the national organization at the We Are the Change national convention from Oct. 20-22 in Portland, Ore. “It is an honor and privilege to be recognized on the national stage for the work our chapter is doing in Charlotte,” said PFLAG Charlotte President Ashley Nurkin.

PFLAG Charlotte continues to work with area hospitals, pediatrician and family medicine

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providers through their grant funded Healthcare Outreach Campaign. The campaign is tasked with educating physicians, administrators and hospital employees on how to be inclusive to transgender patients. In addition, PFLAG Charlotte continues to grow and expand their Transparents of PFLAG Charlotte group which caters to the needs and challenges of families raising transgender children in Mecklenburg County. Transparents of PFLAG Charlotte currently serves over 40 families in the Charlotte community. info: pflag.org.

Triad Youth conference slated

WINSTON-SALEM, N.C. — The PiedmontTriad Youth Educators Conference will be held on Oct. 28, 8 a.m.-1 p.m., at the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, 4055 Robinhood Rd. The first-ever conference is offered for those working toward increasing awareness and understanding of complex LGBTQ identities, the issues faced by these youth at home, in school and within the community and improving support and advocacy on their behalf.

The half-day conference will be open to policymakers, administrators and those over student support services within the 16 school districts of Piedmont-Triad, District 5.

A separate youth program will be offered in the Emerson-Thoreau room at the church. It offers adult-facilitated discussions to cover such topics as: gender spectrum, suicide prevention, peer support, healthy relationships and possibly safe-sex practices and STI prevention/testing from a non-hetero-normative perspective. info: uufws.org.

Museum to host fundraiser

GREENSBORO, N.C. — Elsewhere will hold its fundraising extravaganza, “The Big Bang,” on Oct. 28, 8 p.m., at the museum at 606 S. Elm St. Organizers shared that the event will “take partygoers through layers of time as they explore all three floors of the museum.” The fun-filled night includes artisanal food, a cocktail that changes colors, costuming, marching bands, dance parties and more. “The Big Bang” will take place Halloween weekend and

Oct. 20-Nov. 2 . 2017

attendees are encouraged to come in costume from “anywhere in the space-time continuum.”

TIckets are available online until Oct. 27 and range from $25 to $5,000 depending upon level purchased. Day of purchases can be made at the door with a $10 increase in price. info: goelsewhere.org/fundraising-extravaganza.

AHEC offers trans care education

GREENSBORO, N.C. — The Greensboro Area Health Education Center will present its Providing Optimal Transgender Care educational opportunity on Nov. 16, 9 a.m., at The Lusk Center, 2501 Summit Ave. This event is open to healthcare professionals who will learn about basic competencies and opportunities for best practices in transgender care, as well as hormone therapy’s implications for primary care providers.

Registration fees are $70/standard and $60/ Cone Health employees. Continuing education units are available onlline. info: bit.ly/2gKdIGF.

Triangle Center hits 10 year mark

RALEIGH, N.C. — The GLBT Center at North Carolina State University will hit a milestone.

During January the center will reach its 10th year serving LGBTQ students at the university, the Technician reported.

The center has offered a wide array of programs and services since its inception including Lavender Graduation, historical and awareness observances, as well as social justice and advocacy focus. It even hosts GLBT symposiums for first-year students.

Students who utilize the center are afforded with a safe space where they can explore issues, develop camaraderie with classmates and staff, as well as focus on personal growth.

The center is located in 5320 Talley Student Union, and is open Monday-Friday, 8 a.m.-5 p.m. info: technicianonline.com. ncsu.edu.

AIDS walk hits Triangle

RALEIGH, N.C. — The annual AIDS Walk & 5K Run will take place on Oct. 21, 8 a.m., at Dix Park as a fundraiser for the Alliance of AIDS Services - Carolinas, the LGBT Center of Raleigh, Crape Myrtle Festival and NC AIDS Action Network.

All fitness levels are welcome to participate individually or as a team. Additionally, organizers “encourage everyone to par-

ticipate in non-traditional running/walking attire. Don’t want to get dressed the morning of the Walk? Wear your pajamas. Always wanted to run as your favorite Super Hero?

Go for it. Tutus and Tiaras? Of course. Into the onesie craze? Wear it to the Walk. Drag? Yas Kween!” Prizes will be awarded to the best Individual Alternative Apparel and the Best Team Alternative Apparel.

Registration is available onsite or online in advance of the event. info: bit.ly/2hbvXYu.

Western Council hosts forum

ASHEVILLE, N.C. — The Asheville City Council Forum: LGBTQ Legal and Lived Equality will be held on Oct. 25, 6:30 p.m., at First Congregational United Church of Christ, Friendship Hall, 20 Oak St. The event gives the community the opportunity to learn more about the final six candidates running for city council and their policy positions specific to LGBTQ legal and lived equality in Asheville, N.C. Co-sponsors are Tranzmission, Blue Ridge Pride Center, Western North Carolina AIDS Project and the Campaign for Southern Equality. None of the mentioned groups are endorsing candidates due to their 501c3 status.

They are non-partisan and focused on issuebased advocacy.

The event is open to the community.

Childcare will be provided with advance notice. info: bit.ly/2yq25fE.

Church holds film screening

HENDERSONVILLE, N.C. — Metropolitan Community Church Sacred Journey will host a screening of the new documentary, “The Sunday Sessions,” on Oct. 25, 5:30 p.m., at the Hendersonville Public Library, Kaplan Auditorium, 301 N. Washington St. The film’s subject focuses on conversion counseling through an intimate portrait of a gay man’s struggle to reconcile his religious convictions and his sexual identity.

A panel discussion will follow the screening. It will include Rev. Joan Saniuk of MCC Sacred Journey, retired psychiatrist Clay Eddleman, Presbyterian pastor Rev. Mark Stanley, and gay-straight alliance advisor Joshua Bledsoe.

The event is free and open to the public. info: mccsacredjourney.org.

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life

Healthcare

Women’s health risks go beyond breast cancer Professionals and survivors speak on diabetes, heart disease and strokes

by Maria Dominguez :: qnotes staff

W

hen the phrase “women’s health” is mentioned, nearly anyone’s first thought is the pink ribbon that has long been a badge of honor in support of those diagnosed with breast cancer. Thanks to the tireless efforts of the Susan G. Komen Foundation and countless other organizations and individuals, the pink ribbon is a symbol of perseverance and progress.

The battle against breast cancer is one example of how far a movement can go to address a deadly serious women’s issue. Yet, other risks to women’s health are not as publicized or as known to the general population — to the detriment of those most at risk.

“Diabetes is very prevalent disease that often goes underdiagnosed in a lot of the population,” Novant Health registered nurse Dee Murray recently told qnotes. “It is estimated by the American Diabetes Association that over 9 million women have the disease, but nearly one-third of them do not realize it.”

Overall, diabetes is the direct cause of 2.7 percent of women’s deaths in 2014, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). It ranks seventh of the most common causes of death for women of all ages.

The two primary types of diabetes have equally drastic effects; Type One, often labeled “juvenile diabetes,” most often strikes its victims early in life. The CDC notes that “Type One is caused by an autoimmune reaction (the body attacks itself by mistake) that stops your body from making insulin. About 5 percent of the people who have diabetes have type one…Currently, no one knows how to prevent type one diabetes.”

Another 90 percent of diabetics have been diagnosed with Type Two, and too often this diagnosis is blamed on lifestyle because it frequently coincides with obesity. The least-publicized variation of the disorder is gestational diabetes, incurred during pregnancy.

“You may not notice any symptoms,” the CDC warns. “So it’s important to get your blood sugar tested if you’re at risk.”

Beyond death as a direct result of diabetes, the disease itself can exacerbate the risk of other conditions listed as top women’s health concerns.

Closely related to heart disease, “Women that are affected blood clots and aneurysms can also [by diabetes] are more likely impact the brain and lead to stroke, to die from heart disease and the third leading cause of death for stroke than their male counwomen in the U.S. Cyteria Knight terparts,” Murray explained. and Susan Miller, a lesbian couple, “Women are statistically less spoke to qnotes about their personal likely to have health coverage experience when Knight suffered a therefore less access to ongoserious stroke early this year. ing health care.”

“Vision is a little squirrelly, kind Heart disease is the of blurry on the outskirts. Also I have number one cause of death for an issue with balance, but all things women in the U.S., according I hope that we can work on,” Knight to the most recent CDC statold qnotes just weeks after recovertistics. In 2014, 22.3 percent of ing consciousness. “Recovery never women’s deaths were the restops. It’s amazing, you have to result of heart disease. Cancers teach yourself everything.” of all kinds followed, with a Knight’s partner of 35 years, Miller combined rate of 21.6 percent has fought hard to support her and of women’s deaths. Local drag Getting regular checkups and discussing healthcare keeps an online chronicle of her love’s legends Tracy Morgan and concerns with a doctor can help stave off medical issues recovery via the website CaringBridge.

Boom Boom Latour are among before they arise or become worse. Knight’s stroke was caused when a LGBTQ Charlotte, N.C.’s losses Photo Credit: rocketclips via Adobe Stock serious cerebral aneurysm ruptured, to heart disease. and another unbroken aneurysm lurks within her brain even still.

Contributors to heart disease risk disproportionately affect “Recovering from a brain aneurysm can be sad and lonely women in the LGBTQ community. Lesbians and bisexual women at times, causing us both to feel anxious and depressed,” Miller face higher rates of obesity, smoking and stress, all central factors wrote in a recent update on the site. “Cyteria struggles with that can lead to heart disease. Dr. Jan Warren-Findlow, associate ‘survivors guilt,’ especially when she learned of the recent death professor in the Department of Public Health at University of North of a 17-year-old soccer player who collapsed on the field as a Carolina at Charlotte, said that LGBTQ women may neglect to go to result of a brain aneurysm.” the doctor for long periods, increasing the risk of a disease reachA condition that can strike young and older women alike, ing advanced stages. brain aneurysm leading to stroke also took another queer “Many lesbians don’t necessarily see a physician as often as Charlotte woman recently. A dear friend of this writer, Tish Taylor, they maybe should,” Warren-Findlow told qnotes in a past interdied of this condition on April 20, just 10 weeks after giving birth view. “If you’re not taking contraceptives, you don’t necessarily to her only son, Cyrus. Rest easy, Tishy. : : get into that routine.”

LGBTQ History Month

‘Gypsy’ the musical is LGBTQ history?

Iconic period piece’s ‘Mama Rose’ focus of author’s research

by Mark Segal :: guest contributor

L

GBTQ history can be found in every aspect of our lives. Sometimes it just comes as a surprise to learn that something, or someone, you’ve known about was gay. Given the title of this column, you may think this is going to be about the lyricist of “Gypsy” — my favorite Broadway composer, Stephen Sondheim, who’s gay — it isn’t. And if you think it’s about another member of the production company of that original Broadway bombastic hit — so many of them were gay — again, it isn’t.

It’s about one of the real-life characters on whom the musical is based. “Gypsy” tells the life story of Gypsy Rose Lee and her stage mother — the stage mother of all stage mothers, Mama Rose, played in the original production by Ethel Merman and since by Angela Lansbury, Tyne Daly, Patti LuPone and Bernadette Peters, and in the film version by Rosalind Russell. As you can see, it’s one hell of a classic and beloved Broadway musical.

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That character played by all those famous actresses, Mama Rose? Guess what? She was a lesbian. How do we know that? From good research by Carolyn Quinn, who took her fascination with Gypsy and her family and wrote a fascinating book that, by any description, could be called a page turner.

If you’ve seen the musical film or stage version of “Gypsy,” you should know that the character of Mama Rose was sort of “cleaned up for public consumption.” She was more outrageous than the script could have shared with America in the 1950s.

Here’s what we know from the script: Mama Rose was born Rose Thompson.

She had several marriages but eventually gave birth to two daughters and became a stage mother. Both her girls went on to fame: Gypsy Rose Lee as a stripper, author and talk-show personality, and June

Havoc as a film star. But what happened to Mama Rose?

She ran several schools for children, a chicken farm, a summer camp — oh, and she was tried for murder. In a nutshell, here are the facts: Rose was running a boarding house in New York, referred to by sources at the time as a “seedy boarding house for lesbians,” where she also lived. During this time, Gypsy paid a visit to the house and for some reason a young woman who has been described as Mama Rose’s lover at the time didn’t know Gypsy was her daughter and mistakenly thought Gypsy was making a pass at Rose. Rose and the woman reportedly had a vicious fight and Mama Rose shot the woman.

I think this gives a whole new meaning to the climactic song

by Mama Rose, “Rose’s Turn.” There are several other lovers mentioned in Quinn’s book, and it’s a great read.

It’s LGBT History Month and you’ll never know where our history is and what surprises you’ll find when exploring it. LGBTQ history is fascinating. : : — Mark Segal, Philadelphia Gay News publisher, is one of the nation’s most-award-winning commentators in LGBTQ media. His recently published memoir, “And Then I Danced,” is available from Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble or at other favorite booksellers.

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Stage Lights

Travis Wall brings Shaping Sound tour to Charlotte Knight Theatre hosts ‘SYTYCD’ superstar Nov. 7

by Maria Dominguez :: qnotes staff

T

he arts have always been a sort of haven for LGBTQ people. Creation is undoubtedly a form of expression, and that is exactly why Travis Wall of “So You Think You Can Dance” dedicated his life to performance from an early age.

Now 30, Wall has become a gay icon in more ways than one.

Not stopping at living his own life out and proud, Wall hones his art in order to tell real stories that everyone — including the LGBTQ community — can relate to personally.

Charlotte’s Knight Theatre welcomes the groundbreaking dancer and choreographer on Nov. 7 for a one-night-only visit of Wall’s company, Shaping Sound. Wall, originally from Virginia, is looking forward to visiting the city and having a day off, for once.

“I used to compete in Charlotte. It’s nice to come back to the city and actually get out of the airport,” Wall joked with qnotes. “We have a day off, so I’m trying to sleep as much as possible, to get my body right. Go find some great food.”

Shaping Sound, the production company that Wall co-founded in 2012 with close friends Teddy Forance, Nick Lazzarini and Kyle Robinson, has been touring with different performances for more than five years. Now engaged to his partner of six years, gymnastics coach Dom Palange, Wall is beginning to transition to a more settled lifestyle.

“The road is very exhausting,” Wall said. “I’m trying to make Los Angeles more of my home base. I think that LA is starving for something where they can sit down for a kind of immersive dance experience.”

More than 20 years after beginning his dancing career at the age of nine, Wall’s travels have put one of his longest-held dreams on the back burner. As a young man, dance was an outlet which helped him deal with the uncertainty of whether the ideal of home and family was feasible for a gay man.

“My number one priority growing up was, ‘I can’t wait to get married and have kids.’ It was a fight over priorities for me,” Wall told qnotes. “As a gay male, it’s not the easiest thing in the world to figure out how to have children. You don’t know whether it’s a surrogate or you want to adopt…it’s something that you have to start thinking about far in advance if you want to see it happen. Hopefully by [age] 35, we’ll have the ball rolling.”

In the meantime, Wall’s dedication to his art continues amidst his planning for the future. The Charlotte show on Nov. 7 is exactly the type of immersive experience that Wall aims to bring to his chosen home in LA. The show, he says, is as narrative as it is personal. In previous performances on the tour, audiences have been moved to tears by the emotions portrayed onstage — and perhaps by the experience of seeing same-sex dancers and relationships for the first time.

between what’s happening inside my brain and what’s actually happening in reality as far as my character goes. So there’s a lot of electronic music that feels like the world is crumbling, and like I’m attacking myself, and there’s this beautiful classical stream to come in and it makes you want to cry.”

The emotions of the music, movement and story come together to make a striking impact on any audience — and LGBTQ viewers may relate particularly to the way that Wall channels his sexuality to tell a tale of love and heartbreak between men.

He tells these stories in part to stay true to himself, but Wall also says that he strives to play a part that no one filled for him in his youth.

“I try to pull from my personal life as much as possible because when I was growing up I never really had anything to look at like that. I never saw the same sex dancing with each other,” he said. “When I was growing up I was having a hard time understanding whether I was going to be accepted or not. That was very hard and heavy on my heart… think [a gay role model] would have given me exposure.

It would have helped me come out of the closet more.”

Becoming that successful, wellShaping Sound Creative Team (left to right): Teddy Forance, co-founder; Kyle Robinson, rounded gay figure for LGBTQ youth isn’t co-founder; Travis Wall, artistic director; and Nick Lazzarini, co-founder. just a pipe dream nowadays. Even after Photo Credit: Matthew Murphy the past decade’s equal-rights progress, young queer people — especially those “I’m tired of writing stories and portraying stories between drawn to the arts — need that representation more than ever. men and women when that’s not who I am. I want to create Wall recalls a conversation he had with an audience member, a things that I can personally pull from,” Wall said. “I have a father whose adolescent son had come out as gay and dreamt platform to speak on. As much as I can, I need to be as authentic of being a dancer. as possible. Especially with a story like this that I’m telling during “I’m so thankful that he has you to look up to,” the father this production of Shaping Sound.” told Wall.

The story itself is what the choreographer describes the Recounting that moment, Wall’s voice betrayed the emotional “silent film told through dance” as a “tragic love story.” A classic weight of the memory. tale, but with quite a few twists; for one thing, the star of the show “Just to hear that from a parent, especially a dad’s point of is gay, both onstage and off. Stylistically, Wall’s expertise in conview, saying, ‘I totally support him; he has a positive role model temporary and jazz dance will find new life in the performance, in his life’,” Wall reflected. “Inspiring teens is something I didn’t which he says combines quite a few styles of music and dance. have growing up. It’s so powerful to know that I can do that for “It is very emotional, with a lot of eclectic music inside somebody else.” : : the show,” Wall said. “There are moments of this in-and-out

Oct. 20-Nov. 2. 2017

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Breast Cancer Awareness

Taking a Look at Risk Factors and Symptoms, plus Prevention Steps Joy Greenberg With October’s arrival, most people are focusing on pumpkin spice lattes and Halloween costumes.

But October is also Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Breast cancer occurs when cells in the breast begin to grow out of control. The unregulated growth of cells can then form a malignant (cancerous) tumor in the breast tissue. This unregulated growth can result in metastasis (the spread of cancer cells in the body), creating new tumors throughout the body.

Breast cancer is the second most common form of cancer among women, with more than 200,000 new cases each year. It is also the second leading cause of cancer death in women. While breast cancer is more common among white and African-

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DOD

American women 50 years of age or older, it affects all races and ages. In fact, men are also at risk for developing breast cancer. With an estimated 2,000 new cases of breast cancer in men every year, it is critical for everyone to be self-aware!

The most common symptom of breast cancer is the formation in the breast tissue of a hard lump or mass with irregular edges, but other symptoms, such as pain or swelling in the breast, are also possible. While we cannot prevent breast cancer, we can be NIH/Public Domain aware of the risks and warning signs.

See a doctor if you notice any of the following signs and symptoms: • Lump, hard knot, or thickening inside the breast or underarm area • Change in the size or shape of the breast • Dimpling or puckering of the skin • Itchy, scaly sore or rash on the nipple • Pulling in of your nipple or other parts of the breast • Nipple discharge that starts suddenly • New pain in one spot that does not go away • Swelling, warmth, redness or darkening of the breast An important aspect of early detection of breast cancer

is understanding common risk factors. Common risk factors to consider include age of first period, menopause, and first childbirth, as well as body weight, number of childbirths, and menopausal hormone therapy. Furthermore, a family history of breast cancer is an important risk factor to consider. While breast cancer affects white and African-American women at similar rates, African-American women are more likely to have an aggressive subtype of breast cancer. Additionally, Hispanic/ Latina women are more likely than white women to be diagnosed with late stage breast cancers.

Self-awareness and vigilance can save lives! By screening frequently and conducting self-exams, you can catch breast cancer early, resulting in higher survival rates. So remember to get screened.

For men and women: • Talk with your doctor about the various screening tests.

• Know what is your normal by conducting breast self-exams.

For women (according to the National Comprehensive Cancer network): • If you are of average risk, have a mammogram every year starting at age 40.

• Have a clinical breast exam at least every 3 years starting at age 20, and every year starting at age 40.

To get more information about breast cancer and screening, go to http://ww5.komen.org or google Susan G. Komen.

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views

spiritual reflections

by Rev. Malu Fairley :: guest contributor

A reflection on Women’s Health “Love Spirit, drink deeply, eat often with friends-love yourself-Inside & out, no matter what, no matter what…. no matter what- love your Self…”

— Excerpt from “Wisdom Rocked Steady”

by Nancy Lynne Westfield I am a woman. I am an African-American woman. I am a Queer African-American woman. In our current social, economic and political climate, we who are women* live with the constant awareness of threat and potential harm to our personhood. The bigotry embedded within America’s psyche has been emboldened. We live in a culture in which the objectification and assault (sexual and physical) of women’s bodies is commonplace. In this current season, what does it mean for women to be healthy?

For far too long our society, including the church, has taught women to deny ourselves, placing our worth in how much we help others. Many of us have been socialized to practice a sacrificial love that limits our personhood to supporting the lives of others. We have been taught to minimize our desires, wants and needs. We may have been taught that we are not intelligent, strong, ambitious or capable enough to make real and lasting impacts on the world around us. This teaching has enacted generational harm and trauma. The South African philosophy of Ubuntu teaches that my humanity is inextricably connected to the humanity of others — “I am because we are”. Our communities and our nation cannot be fully human, cannot thrive, while we continue to restrict the potential and full expression of our girls and women. It is time to reclaim women’s health as a priority.

The World Health Association defines health as “the state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not just the

absence of disease.” This includes the ability to adapt and recover from illnesses and new threats.

Women’s health is made up of our mental, physical, emotional, financial, relational, sexual and spiritual well-being. As I move into my late 30s, I am realizing that being healthy requires that I maintain a lifegiving intentional relationship with myself. Learning to live in ways that promote health is a radical act of self-love. It is a powerful act of resistance. Attending to our health is rooted in loving the fullness of ourselves, mind, body and spirit. It is learning to acknowledge and cultivate our own needs, wants, desires, hopes and dream. It is letting go of the guilt that may arise or the concerns of being selfish. It is learning to turn down the volume of that inner critic, while learning to encourage ourselves. It is paying attention to what is happening with our bodies from a place of compassion and appreciation. It is learning to stimulate our minds and our creativity. It is to engage the strength and sensuousness of our bodies as we walk, dance, jog, do yoga, take a hike, etc.

It is learning to have good boundaries and say no. It Loving one’s self is essential to an overall state of wellness and spiritual health. is learning to find joy in simply being who you are.

Photo Credit: Andrea Danti via Adobe Stock As a co-pastor I support my congregation in living out the greatest commandment — to love God with all women, to take at least five minutes to focus on loving and being your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself. For many, espegood to yourself! cially women, the love of self is overlooked and down-played. It * Throughout this reflection when I speak of women I am speakis time to reclaim our love of self. To do so is to know that women ing of those whose gender identity matched their sex assigned are wonderfully and powerfully made in the image of God. It is to at birth and the spectrum of those who have courageously know that we are inherently worthy and have much to offer the reclaimed their gender identity. : : world, one another and ourselves. Today, I invite we who are — Rev. Malu Fairley serves as the co-pastor of Wedgewood Church.

Oct. 20-Nov. 2. 2017

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life

changing my reflection

by Lynette Matusik :: qnotes contributor

A tale of transition

I

ncreasing my estradiol dosage from 4 mg to 8 mg was at first a lot to handle. I’m beginning to grasp what it means to have a different chemical balance in my brain and how to describe it. In the past I used the word “heightened,” but to elaborate more, I would say things feel a certain intensity that they didn’t before transitioning.

Just like adjusting to any medication, there was initially a period of adapting to the new regime. My body has gotten used to the high levels of estrogen coursing through my veins, and while a shift in my routine schedule had the potential to disrupt my pattern of thought, it was never something that disrupted my dayto-day functionality. Occasionally I still have off days, but when I feel this state, one of the biggest factors to handling how I feel is striving for self-actualization and self-awareness; I have to work to realize why I’m feeling this way. This alone helps in processing my feelings and emotions. Working through problems with ration and logic helps in identifying if a struggle is really because of the medication or if it’s indicative of something larger.

This is not to say the hormone replacement therapy isn’t having positive effects. In just a few months, I’ve already been visibly changing in subtle ways. April was the last show I could ever perform without a shirt, without it really changing the dynamic of the performance.

My breasts are beginning to form and there’s a sensitivity in my nipples that I’ve never felt before. I swear, they’re hard enough to cut glass sometimes.

Medication helps with a lot, but my voice still needs work. Vocal chords are something that go unaffected by medication and my solution to finding a new voice is simply practice.

I’ve always had a fairly midrange voice, but I’ve never had a very large range. I’m not much of a singer, and the concept of the intricacies of the voice go far beyond raising pitch. Rather than doing this alone, I’ve asked my doctor for recommendations for professionals who can help with feminizing my voice. I’m scheduled for an appointment with an ear, nose and throat specialist who helps transgender patients find their voice. Insurance is even covering this, which is a huge relief. I’ve heard insurance providers can be finicky to cover transition-related things, but so far the only procedure I’ve found that they won’t cover is electrolysis.

Electrolysis is a procedure that removes hair permanently. Hair growth has seemingly slowed with the increased estrogen, but to remove facial shadow completely I need these treatments. Sessions are usually an hour and are supposedly quite painful. It’s actually considered a surgery, an elective surgery. They’re also costly, at around 80 dollars a session. I found financial relief through a discount on Groupon, but that’s for a single session, and I need several hours of treatment to clear areas that would give me noticeable results. I’m in the process of saving up for that now getting treatments when I can. In the future there may be other procedures I want done and insurance may not cover those either. All I can do is cross those bridges when I get there.

The changes in my body give me an opportunity to wear clothes I previously couldn’t fill out and that didn’t look right in the past. It feels great to be able to wear what I want, and actually have the body for it. I’ve been making

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efforts to focus less on “passing,” and instead to just go for the best look I can. That helps my confidence on days when I don’t feel as cute.

The most important goal to set is just being the best version of yourself you can be.

I run into people I haven’t seen for months, and they ask if I have been working out, or comment on how I look different. I try to fight the urge to play it off in any way, and instead to let people know what’s going on in the least awkward way I can. Old relationships can be awkward and it’s been easier with people I’ve never met as Lynette. Reactions are typically curious, but for the most part, positive. With social media today, people find out things at rapid pace. As a result, a lot of people whom I didn’t get the chance to sit down and have a face to face discussion with end up approaching me to inquire.

Face to face is only a part of identity these days. Changing your online identity such as social media, user accounts and emails is something I don’t see a lot of discussion about.

I’m lucky in that I’ve never had a big presence online. My Facebook is private and my Twitter is inactive. I still need old accounts for some matters, so I still have attachments to an old name there. With some sites and apps having two accounts is really tricky; I have to remember double the passwords. Companies like eBay and PayPal make it difficult and require proof of ID change, which is still in the works. It’s just frustrating to having to deal with the ghost of an old identity immortalized in cyberspace. No matter who you are or what you plan to do with your life, I think everyone could benefit from caution in putting your name out there for all to see. : :

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tell trinity

by Trinity :: qnotes contributor :: trinity@telltrinity.com

Would’ve could’ve should’ve Dear Trinity, Seventeen years ago in college, I fell in love with someone but never asked them out.

Recently, I researched their name, called them and we spoke. They’re partnered with kids now.

But I’m still single and still feel like I missed out on my greatest romance. Now what?

The 17-Year Itch, Toronto, ON Dear Itchy, Two decades ago you may have missed out on a great relationship, but that’s in your deep, deep past now and your recent conversation must become the closure to that onceyouthful fantasy! No need to obsess anymore on “what might have been.” Pumpkin, if everything happens for a reason and life’s a great big adventure, then focus on the great big opportunities ahead, not on what you might have left behind! So close this chapter of “Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve” and move forward gracefully!

Dearest Trinity, I was dating a guy for months and then out of nowhere, he broke it off. Even though he never worked, never had money and really was a deadbeat boyfriend I’m still having trouble saying, “my ex.”

In Pain, South Hampton, NY

Dearest In Pain, Yes, someone and something has died. And yes, for the first few weeks saying, “my ex…” is like saying, “my dead dog.” So yes, take time to feel confused, cry, get angry and then yes, move on.

Honey, each day gets easier as long as you keep remembering, dating a deadbeat is not what life’s about. (Follow my lead on “shopping” — I mean moving on — when you check out my cartoon.)

Howdy Trinity, I keep being told to use the Internet or apps to meet people. But why bother?

InterNot, San Antonio, TX Howdy InterNot, The Internet or dating apps are like playing the slot machines — sometimes you lose, sometimes you win and sometimes you’re with a crazy game that just doesn’t make sense.

But as long as you don’t become addicted and are cautious to read between the lemons, you may meet someone who treats you naughty…

I mean nice. P.S. Sweetie, end emails with a question so that your contact has something with which to reply.

Hello Trinity, I met a restaurant reviewer who is inviting me on a dinner date. But what if I’m too picky or

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don’t have great dining etiquette?

What if I don’t like the food? There are so many ifs!

What If, Baltimore, MD Hello What If, If you’re nervous about your etiquette open a bottle of wine and start reading: Trinity’s Important “Ifs” To Ask Yourself On A Dinner Date 1. If I’m picky about what I eat, why not Google the menu before I get there?

2. If I’m picky about where I sit, why not ask to look around first and pick a comfortable place?

3. If I’m worried about my cellphone ringing during dinner, why not turn it off or put it on vibrate before the meal?

4. I f I’m eating seeded fruit, why not make a fist, spit the seeds nonchalantly into the palm of my hand and then place them into service, why not be light, fun and forgiving while stylishly asking for a different meal?

5. I f I’m experiencing bad food and/or service, why not be light, fun and forgiving while stylishly asking for a different meal?

6. I f I’m not that interested in my date, why not kill them…with kindness and wit while making the best of it?

7. If I’m trying to watch my weight, why not have a little dessert or share one instead of making my date eat one alone and/or think

I’m weight conscious?

8. If I’m done eating, why not place my silverware across the plate like the hands of clock at 4:20 so the waiter knows I’m done?

9. Also, why not leave my napkin on my lap or on the seat, and never put it on my plate or on stacked dishes?

10. Lastly, if my eating companion offers to pay the bill, why not offer to leave the tip? info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

Oct. 20-Nov. 2. 2017

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dishing with buff faye

by Buff Faye :: qnotes contributor :: info@bufffaye.com

U

From Beyond: Brandi Alexander speaks to us still today

pon the passing of southern pioneer and drag legend Danny Leonard aka “Brandi Alexander” in March 2016, I was given a pile of 65+ notebook papers where she had begun writing her life story. Her hope was to publish a book one day. I have spent months sifting through the writings and recently finished transcribing the pages with college students from Davidson College.

As part of LGBTQ History month this October, I wanted to share a brief excerpt from the 1980s and her time at the Friend’s Lounge, the bar she owned located near Camp Lejeune, the Marine Corps Base, in Jacksonville, N.C. The excerpt Handwritten pages from Brandi details a phone call Alexander’s memoirs. she had with one of the Marines who had called her one night and shows how much these Marines relied on her and the Friend’s Lounge as a safe place.

It reflects a time in history that may be all but forgotten in some respect. Nonetheless the fears remain the same in coming out.

One evening the phone rang and this voice on the other end said, “I need to talk to someone before I pull the trigger!”

I sat there trying to figure out what to say. I said, “Why do you want to kill yourself?” He said that he has been fighting these feelings and they are against everything that he was brought up with. I asked him if he wanted to talk to [some]one about it? I said: “Why don’t you put the gun down and tell me where you’re at and I’ll come pick you up and we will talk.

It’s not as bad as it seems.”

“I can’t,” he said, “I have to kill myself.”

I said “Wait, wait a moment. Tell me exactly what has happened for you to feel this way.”

“I can’t take it anymore,” he said, “I have homosexual feelings for someone but they are straight. I can’t be around him without going nuts. I am very much a man,” he said, “and these feelings are wrong.”

“Why,” I asked.

“Everyone, all my life, has told me that homosexuality was wrong in the ‘Eyes of God’ and in society. Now I’m in the Marine Corps and they tell me it’s wrong.”

“Do you feel like it’s wrong?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he said, “I don’t know what to think anymore, I feel like I’m going crazy.”

“You are not alone,” I said, “Why don’t you let me pick you up so we can talk face to face.”

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“I can’t,” he said, “I have to die.”

“No, you don’t. There are a lot of other people like you in the world, thousands of them.”

“I really fucked up tonight,” he said. “I told my friend that I had feelings for him.”

“What did he say?” I asked.

“Nothing. He stared at me, got up and walked out of the room. Now I’m afraid by morning everyone in my platoon will know what I am, and I can’t face that. I have disgraced my family, my country and my Corp.”

“No, you haven’t,” I said. “For the first time in your life you were honest with yourself. This does not make you any less of a man, God doesn’t hate you because you love another man and your country will always be proud of you for your service in the military.”

We talked another hour and I gave him numbers to call for Counseling and help, when he hung up I prayed to God that he would make it through the night.

In 1995 I got a phone call from someone whose voice sounded so familiar. I asked who it was and he told me the story about talking to me with a gun to his head 8 years earlier. He said he wanted to thank me for talking to [him)]that night.

“A thank you is not enough,” he said. “I thank God every night for you. I wanted [you] to know that I got out of the Corp and I went back to college and I got my teacher degree. I am now teaching 9th graders and I am a counselor for a gay youth group in my school. I have told them all about you and what you did for me. So I felt like I could help someone else too and to pass it on.”

“I am so proud of you,” I said, “and I want to thank you for letting me know that you are alright and are proud of who you are.”

When I hung up, I sat there alone and cried.

I couldn’t believe that I had heard from him and he made it through all the bullshit. I wondered how many other people in this world had gone through the same thing and had the strength to beat the odds.

I think about all the ones who never made it …and thank God that I have been placed here, regardless of all the bullshit, and was given the strength and determination to stick it out. I figured if I was able to help one person, then everything was worth what I had been through so far. It was easy to relate to what he was feeling and what he was going through because I had been there myself.

There is much more to be read — some humorous and other parts tragic. Leave it to Brandi Alexander to speak to us from beyond the grave by telling her life story — and lessons of life.

As a national LGBTQ author and writer, I feel blessed to have had the opportunity and been given the responsibility to transcribe and read these first. I hope to continue bringing Brandi Alexander and the people in her stories to life in the months and years to come. : : DRAG TIP: Never forget you have the power to change someone’s life — simply by answering the phone, listening, supporting and loving another human being.

— Buff Faye calls the Queen City her home and performs to make a difference in this world (and raise money for charities). Find her at your favorite bars and hotspots. Plus don’t forget her monthly Sunday drag brunch and regular Friday night party bus. Learn more at AllBuff.com.

Follow on Twitter @BuffFaye

SHOUT OUTS: Its Halloween!

Check out Buff Faye’s Party Bus online and help support LGBTQ youth with Campus Pride. Buy a ticket online at CampusPride. org/PartyBus.

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Oct. 20-Nov. 2 . 2017

Oct. 20-Nov. 2. 2017

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EVENTS October 2017 Hawt Sauce: A Queer Dance Party The Pinkhook 117 W Main St., Durham 10 p.m.-2 a.m.

Join community members and move your feet to the tunes of local favorites Gemynii, Mamis & the Papis and Bitchcraft at this 21 and over event.

Cover charge at the door is on a sliding scale of ability to pay, from $7-$20, with all proceeds going to pay the artists and to support Southern Fried Queer Pride (SFQP), a queer and transgender advocacy collective. More information is available online. facebook.com/events/977284339077315.

Equality North Carolina SEP OCT MO 2017 Equality Gala Raleigh Marriott 500 Fayetteville St., Raleigh 5 p.m.

Equality North Carolina presents its annual Equality Gala in downtown Raleigh.

Organizers said the event will “bring record numbers of LGBTQ North Carolinians and allies together for an all-new, evening celebration of our recent victories and more that will set the stage for another unprecedented year of quality Equality engagement.” The organization will also welcome keynote speaker National Center for Transgender Equality Executive Director Raffi FreedmanGurspan. She is the director of external relations, overseeing public education and field organizing operations. She was both a senior associate director for public engagement, where she served as the primary liaison to the LGBTQ community, and outreach and recruitment director for presidential personnel at the White BBQ: A Queer Variety Show SEP OCT House from 2015-2017. Tickets and more MO The Bar information are available online.

711 Rigsby Ave., Durham equalityncfoundation.org/gala.

6 p.m.-2 a.m.

–––––––––––––––––––– An eclectic night of South Carolina Pride drag, performance art 931 Senate St., Columbia and music, presented 12-8 p.m.

by Southern Fried Celebrate LGBTQ pride in Queer Pride (SFQP) Columbia, with entertainand Queer Appalachia. Hosted by Vivica ment, vendors and booths, C. Coxx, and featuring Stormie Daie, and plenty of food options.

Spray J, G-Clef, ZenSoFly, Diaspoura Entertainers include Jody and more. Cover charge at the door is Watley, Betty Who, Debby on a sliding scale of ability to pay, from Holiday, Phoenix, Detox, Latrice Royale, $7-$20, with all proceeds going to pay and more. More information is available the artists and to support SFQP. More online. information is available online. facebook.com/events/1546354935449296. facebook.com/events/1410543999018558

SEP OCT MO

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Submit your event to our calendar!

You can submit your event to our comprehensive community calendar presented by qnotes, the Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce and Visit Gay Charlotte. Submit your event at goqnotes.com/eventsubmit/ and get a three-forone entry. All Charlotte-area events will appear on each of the three calendars at qnotes (goqnotes.com), Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce (clgbtcc.org) and Visit Gay Charlotte (visitgaycharlotte.com).

LGBTQ Seniors Conversation Time Out Youth Center 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte 7 p.m.

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Join a community conversation about the needs of LGBTQ seniors, and explore the possibility of a SAGE chapter in Charlotte. “There are many resources available in our community for older adults, but there is rarely a focus on LGBT people,” said Dan Kirsch, organizer of the Community Conversation.

The event is free and more information is available online. timeoutyouth.org.

On the Table CLT Various locations, Charlotte Community Building Initiative and Foundation for the Carolinas present an event intended to bring thousands of people together in small groups to “generate ideas, inspire solutions and cultivate relationships and collaborations to strengthen Mecklenburg County.” Local businesses and organizations will serve as meeting points, and those interested in playing host are encouraged to apply online. onthetableclt.org.

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Adore Delano from ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ Chaser’s 3217 The Plaza, Charlotte 9 p.m.-2 a.m.

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Drag queen superstar and fan favorite from “RuPaul’s Drag Race” performs.

Celebrate Halloween with a $100 costume contest. Male go-go dancers will also perform. More information is available online. chaserscharlotte.club.

–––––––––––––––––––– Queernival 304 E Trinity Ave., Durham 12-5 p.m.

Youth Organizing Institute, InsideOut180 and QORDS present Queernival, a free, all ages street fair celebrating youth liberation. Booths by local Gay-Straight Alliances & LGBTQ youth organizations will be on hand, as well as live music, food trucks, face painting, carnival games and more. More information is available online. ncqueeryouthpower.org.

Plaza Midwood Fall Crawl SEP OCT MO and Cankerworm Festival Midwood Park 2100 Wilhelmina Ave., Charlotte 11 a.m.-6 p.m.

Get together with your neighbors and friends at an all-day event for all ages. In addition to getting your supplies to protect your trees, there will be a kids’ costume parade from 11:30 a.m. to noon, with a march to The Vine for a trunk or treat trick-or-treating. Music in the park will go on throughout the day, and food trucks will be on hand, with beers from Birdsong Brewery available as well. More information is available online. plazamidwood.org/event/pmna-fallcrawl-2017.

–––––––––––––––––––– Charlotte Pride Band Halloween Concert Myers Park Baptist Church, Heaton Hall 1900 Queens Rd., Charlotte 5 p.m.

Enjoy a delightfully frightful night of seasonal tunes at Charlotte Pride Band’s “Ghoul’s Just Wanna Have Fun.” Audience members are encouraged to wear costumes to the show. Tickets cost $15 and are available online. charlotteprideband.org.

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goqnotes.com/to/life

life

Our People:

Q&A with Dee Murray Post-anesthesia care unit registered nurse

by Maria Dominguez :: qnotes staff

H

ealthcare is one arena in which LGBTQ people sometimes struggle to find accepting, informed professionals to aid their healing. One registered nurse, Deedrae “Dee” Murray of Novant Health’s post-anesthesia care unit (PACU), is determined to fill that gap.

Murray, 55, dealt firsthand with the difficulty of being an open lesbian trying to break into the healthcare profession.

Helping people heal has been Murray’s passion all her life, and working her way up from a nursing assistant position, she is now a registered nurse veteran of nearly a decade.

This accomplishment was a long time coming, and Murray’s career grew side-by-side with her relationship. Now married for 10 years, Murray and her wife, Riley, live in a happy home with 19-month-old granddaughter, Skyler.

The couple have supported four children to adulthood, and have 10 grandchildren in total.

Family and medicine are Murray’s central motivators, and it all comes down to the nurturing nature of this remarkable woman. A Charlotte, N.C. resident of 25 years, Murray’s life is an illustration of loyalty and service.

What drove you to pursue a career in nursing, and specifically in the PACU? I have always been interested in science and the medical field for as long as I can remember. I have worked in the healthcare field since I was 16. My first job was as a nursing assistant and I enjoyed being able to help people who were sometimes at their lowest point. It was fulfilling to be able to see the difference I could make in someone’s day or life. I finally had the chance to fulfill my dream of becoming a registered nurse in 2009. I love PACU specifically because it challenges my skills as a nurse, and also, I am blessed to work with a wonderful group of women. The teamwork is incredible! My work home at Novant Health is very committed to diversity and is involved with the LGBTQ community.

Do you have hobbies or activities that you do to relax, or just for fun?

I like to read when I get a chance, and I

also enjoy music immensely. My favorite activity is playing with my grandchildren. They keep me young!

Who are the cornerstones of your support system?

First of all, my church and choir family from Caldwell Presbyterian. I am blessed to still have my father living, who is 93 years old. My PACU girls are a blessing. Of course, most importantly, my family and my wife, Riley Murray.

If you won a free three-course meal at a restaurant of your choice, where would you go and what would you order?

Anywhere that has great seafood (especially crab legs) and a great view.

How does your LGBTQ identity impact your work?

I came out in a time when it was not okay to be public, and I hid my identity as a lesbian for a long time, especially at work. However, I quickly learned that with most people, if they got to know your heart and who you truly were as a person, the other stuff didn’t matter.

Although, my sexual orientation has caused some difficult conversations at times. I have learned over the years to be proud of who I am as a person, and my being a lesbian is only a small part of that. I feel that people from the LGBTQ community have faced bias and discrimination in healthcare. If I can help in some small way by helping them feel comfortable and welcome at Novant Heath, I am proud to do so.

If you were to meditate, what would you picture as your “happy place”?

Most certainly and without hesitation, the beach. Any beach!

How do you spend the perfect day off from work and responsibilities?

Well, if I am not enjoying my grandchildren, I would spend it outside. I prefer somewhere near water, reading, possibly listening to some live music. Maybe I’d even enjoy a good nap! : : Dee (left) and Riley Murray via Facebook

Oct. 20-Nov. 2. 2017

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