QNotes, November 1, 2019

Nov. 1-14, 2019

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inside this issue

Nov. 1-14, 2019 Vol 34 No 14

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12 10 Questions with Vic: Featuring Laverne Cox

contributors this issue

Aila Alvina Boyd, Kode Brown, Mykah Buff, Vic Gerami, Elizabeth Hodges, Jack Kirven, Lainey Millen, Jesse Montegueado, Terri Schlichenmeyer, Trinity

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charlotteobserver.com/1166/ a local news partner of The Charlotte Observer

Statewide Races Net Organizations’ Endorsements

news

Equality North Carolina and The Victory Fund have laid out their picks for municipal races across the state.

7 State, National Orgs Lay Out Election Endorsements 8 Research Details Landscape on Workplace Culture, Discrimination and Inclusion 8 News Briefs 9 Shooting Victim Paralyzed

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Health & Wellness: Kiwi is Magic!

The fuzzy fruit is one of the more powerful ones cultivated. In fact, it should be named a superfood.

It’s packed with loads of good, healthy healthcare components.

16 Tell Trinity 19 Out in Print: ‘Yay, You’re Gay! Now What?

life 10 In Memoriam: 2019

Transgender Murders 17 Health & Wellness:

Kiwi’s are Magic!

views 4 A (Long) History of Physique Magazines 5 Gay Pulp Fiction 6 Nearly 25 Years On and ‘Prayers for Bobby’ is Still Saving Lives 14 Legal Eagles: Is a Prenuptial Agreement for You?

events 18

Jonathan Van Ness

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Nov. 1-14, 2019

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A (Long) History of Physique Magazines Jesse’s Journal

BY Jesse Monteagudo | Guest Contributor

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saw my first physique magazine when I was 13 years old (1966), in a newsstand in downtown Miami. Though I did not yet know what I was, I knew that I found other men attractive, and I was instinctively drawn to the magazines’ models, who were completely naked from the back or tastefully covered with a posing strap up front. Of course having a 13 year old looking at naked men was the last thing the old man who ran the newsstand wanted, and he was quick to chase me away whenever he caught me looking at the magazines (this happened quite often).

Still, what little I saw confirmed what I already knew: that, at its best, the male body is the most beautiful thing on God’s green Earth. Coming from a family and a culture that claimed men were ugly, it was an epiphany.

By the time I came out of the closet (1973), the physique magazines were a thing of the past, victims of their own success. Full-frontal nudes were no longer considered obscene, and openly gay magazines already proclaimed what the beefcake mags could not admit; that they published shots of naked men for the pleasure of other men. Still, I never lost my interest in physique magazines, both for their own sake and as an important part of gay social and cultural history. This article owes much to Taschen, publishers of “Beefcake: The Muscle Magazines of America 1950-1970,” by F. Valentine Hooven, III and, in three volumes, “The Complete Reprint of Physique Pictorial 1951-1990.” I also consulted “Physique: A Pictorial History of the Athletic Model Guild,” edited by Winston Leyland (Gay Sunshine Press), and “Hard to Imagine: Gay Male Eroticism in Photography and Film from Their Beginnings to Stonewall,” by Thomas Waugh (Columbia University Press). The recentlypublished “Buying Gay: How Physique Entrepreneurs Sparked a Movement,” by David K. Johnson (Columbia University Press), is another fine resource.

The father of physique magazines was Bob Mizer (1922-1992). In 1945 Mizer started the Athletic Model Guild in Los Angeles as a modeling agency for male bodybuilders. Mizer, a self-taught photographer, recruited and photographed the models, carefully listing their vital statistics along with their real names and ages. Mizer sold his photos by mail, advertising them in men’s magazines. By 1951 Mizer’s catalog was so extensive that he began to collect his photos and sell them in a magazine format. Thus was Physique Pictorial born. The first publication of its kind, Physique Pictorial showcased a generation of male pinups and bodybuilders, including Jack LaLanne, Joe Dallesandro, Steve “Hercules” Reeves and Mickey Hargitay (who’s best-known as husband of Jayne Mansfield and father of Mariska Hargitay); as well as art by George Quaintance, Tom of Finland, “Art-Bob” and others.

The success of Physique Pictorial led Mizer to produce 8 mm. short films, with campy titles like “Aztec Sacrifice,” “Cruel Stepbrothers” and “Days of Greek Gods.”

Physique Pictorial became a hit with thousands of men, and it was soon joined by a slew of imitators who hoped its success would rub off on them. Soon newsstands carried titles like the Grecian Guild Pictorial, Adonis, Young Adonis, Body Beautiful and Tomorrow’s Man. Chicago’s Chuck Renslow, later renowned as the founder of the International Mr. Leather contests, started Kris Studios and published Triumph and Mars, which became showcases for Renslow’s lover, the artist Etienne (Dom Orejudos).

In their heyday (1951-1970), physique magazines faced constant attack from government censors, who would not allow “obscene” material through the mails. Mizer served time in prison for “obscenity” and, some suspect, hiring out his models for sexual services. Renslow and his partners were indicted by the Justice Department for “excessive genital delineation.” Publishers went through great lengths to avoid similar mishaps. There was no full-frontal nudity — which made the posing pouch synonymous with beefcake magazines — and no body hair; and even exposed buttocks were controversial.

Though most of the physique magazines’ readers were gay men, the magazines themselves were never “gay.”

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Instead, Mizer and his colleagues pretended that they published their magazines for socially-acceptable reasons, to promote physical fitness, art, or a so-called “Greek Revival” movement. Grecian Guild Pictorial went so far as to publish a “creed” that promoted the Greek Revival: “I pledge allegiance to my native land…I seek a sound body in a sound mind that I may be a complete man; I am a Grecian.” Models posed in historic-artistic tableaux that evoked Classical Greece, Imperial Rome, Aztec Mexico or the American West. Since, in our society, male-male contact is only justified under the cover of violence, models were often shown wrestling, which led to a whole new line of male erotica.

In spite of all that, as time went by physique magazines became more implicitly, and even explicitly, gay. Though the photos tried to retain the illusion of art and health, the drawings became deliberately campy and suggestive.

Tom of Finland, perhaps the most famous artist to emerge from the beefcake mags, grew and developed along with Physique Pictorial, and his cartoons progressed from coy to blatant as time went by and censorship receded. On the other hand, George Quaintance was already at the height of his craft by 1951, and his paintings are Physique Pictorial at its artistic best.

I was not the only gay man whose life was transformed by the beefcake magazines. “By the end of the 1950s,” according to “Completely Queer: The Gay and Lesbian Encyclopedia,” “physique magazines were arguably the most openly — and self-affirmingly — gay male publications available to a wide American audience.” To quote

Thomas Waugh, “the exponential expansion of ‘physical culture’ constitutes the most significant gay cultural achievement during the formative quarter-century following World War II… It is significant that our most important political activity of the postwar decades, statistically at least, was not meeting or organizing or publicly demonstrating but consuming: consuming collectively in the burgeoning ghettoes of bars and other establishments, and most significant, consuming individually as readers of images.” According to F. Valentine Hooven, magazines like Physique Pictorial “celebrated the male body with a directness that had not been seen since the collapse of the Roman Empire. ... For homosexual men, the muscle mags became their magazines. Without presenting anything overtly homosexual, each issue was so cleverly designed by and for gay men it was obvious to even the youngest and most inexperienced of them. For many, it was their first awareness that they were not alone, the first contact with others of their own kind.

Sometimes it would be the only contact for years or even a lifetime. ... For much of the fifties, those little physique magazines were not just an aspect of gay culture; they virtually were gay culture.”

Being closeted themselves, most gay men in the 1950s and 1960s had more in common with the “closeted” beefcake mags than with the emerging homophile movement. Physique Pictorial consistently outsold “political” publications like ONE and the Mattachine Review. According to Hooven, by the midfifties “Physique Pictorial and Tomorrow’s Man routinely sold over 40,000 copies each. Add the estimated sales of the dozen or so lesser physique magazines to those two top-sellers and, even though most of the mags were published only quarterly or bi-monthly, the total must have approached a million copies a year.” On the other hand, ONE magazine claimed at its height (1955) a circulation of just 3,500. Hooven continues by pointing out that “the overwhelming majority of ONE’s sales were in just three urban markets, New York, Los Angeles and San Francisco, while the physique magazines were available in even the minor cities and an astonishing number of the small towns of the U.S., as well as most of the larger metropolises of Western Europe.” More gay men read physique mags because they knew about them and had access to them.

What effect did physique magazines have on gay liberation? According to the authors of “Completely Queer,“ “Mizer was never directly associated with gay and lesbian activism, but his effect on the development of a gay male consciousness was immeasurable. As early as the 1950s, he began urging readers of his publications to demand their rights, join homophile organizations, and fight police entrapment and censorship.” Certainly Mizer’s war against censorship led to wider dissemination of information about homosexuality, which in turn inspired many of us to come out of our closets and to become active in the homophile and gay liberation movements.

By the end of the 1960s, the legal taboo against fullfrontal male nudes was a thing of the past. Openly gay magazines like Drum and Vector emerged that combined gay activism with nude photography that made no bones about their homoerotic appeal. The rise of hardcore gay pornography, and of glossy studios like Colt and Fox, proved too much of a competition for Physique Pictorial and other physique magazines, which could no longer afford to hire top models. (The three-volume, collected Physique Pictorial shows a sad decline in the quality of its models after 1969.) Even so, Mizer continued to publish Physique Pictorial, as a semi-annual digest of old and new photos, until 1991. Mizer died in 1992, and his Athletic Model Guild soon followed suit. In 2017 the Bob Mizer Foundation (bobmizer.org) relaunched Physique Pictorial with quarterly issues that feature both new photography as well as photos taken during that magazine’s golden years. : :

Gay Pulp Fiction Jesse’s Journal

BY Jesse Monteagudo | Guest Contributor

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he Stonewall National Museum in Wilton Manors is a valuable resource for anyone interested in LGBTQ history and culture. Until Nov. 8, Stonewall features an exhibit, “PULP: Erotic Paperbacks in Gay Male Culture,” researched by Skip Moskey and organized by Joe Madura.

“From the late 1950s, a robust gay publishing industry produced a steady stream of cheap paperback books exploring homosexuality as a practice and a burgeoning culture. Pulp fiction prompted men to navigate imaginatively their own sexual impulses and curiosities, many for the first time. Gay male pulp fiction, as it is now known, was a key element in the evolution of a diverse gay male identity and self-expression in the U.S. Using Stonewall National Museum America’s extensive archival collection, this exhibition highlights several late 20thcentury authors and contextualizes their books as cultural artifacts within the rise and fall of pulp fiction.” Like physique magazines, gay pulps played an important part in LGBTQ culture of the 20th Century.

The rise and fall of gay pulp fiction is the topic of “The Golden Age of Gay Fiction” and “1960s Gay Pulp Fiction,” both edited by Drewey Wayne Gunn. In his introduction to the first book, Gunn wrote about the historical importance of fiction that was “for, by, about and out” gay men. Contrary to popular belief, the gays who populated pre-Stonewall pulps were not always doomed “to suicide, institutionalization or (assumed) celibacy.” Rather, gay pulp heroes “never practiced celibacy (quite the contrary!), did not kill themselves and were institutionalized, if at all, only in prisons (in order to have lots of sex with guards and fellow convicts). Even more extraordinary, they often fell in love, and though monogamy was seldom part of their vows, they

fully intended to live lives committed to others unto death.” Critic David Seubert described the world of gay pulps as a “homotopia ... where everything is imbued with sexual content, no one is straight and characters stumble into one sexual encounter after another without danger, fear, or for that matter, without even really trying.”

But gay pulp fiction did more than make gay sex writing possible. According to Gunn, “it is among the pulps that such distinctive genres as gay horror, the gay gothic, the gay mystery, the gay spy story, the gay cop story and the gay western developed.” “The Golden Age of Gay Fiction” includes examples of gay science fiction, gay mystery, gay horror, gay western and gay military fiction, genres that were already wellestablished by the time the militants faced the cops at the Stonewall Inn. The Stonewall Museum exhibit honors such pulp greats as Vin Packer (Marijane Meaker), Samuel Steward and John Preston. Other writers who were prolific in the genre include Victor J. Banis, who wrote pulps using various pen names — Don Holliday, Victor Jay and J. X. Williams, among others — and Larry Townsend, who specialized in SM and leatherfiction.

One of the most important gay books of the 20th century, which set the tone for all gay pulp novels, was Richard Amory’s “Song of the Loon: A Gay Pastoral in Five Books and an Interlude” (Greenleaf Classics). While of doubtful literary value, “Song of the Loon” made gay literary history with its explicit depictions of gay male sex, its

positive portrayal of male love and its poetic, almost mystical vision of a gay brotherhood that transcends racial and cultural barriers. For this gay western, Amory took characters from the novels of Jorge de Montemayor and Gaspar Gil Polo, painted them gay, and transplanted them to the American wilderness. Angelo d’Arcangelo compared “Song of the Loon” to James Fenimore Cooper’s “Last of the Mohicans” and Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s “Hiawatha,” while this humble critic described the book’s protagonist, Ephraim MacIver, as “Natty Bumppo after Stonewall.”

“Song of the Loon” was so popular that it inspired a soft-core porn movie of the same title, two sequels — “Song of Aaron” and “Listen, The Loon Sings” — and even a parody, “Fruit of the Loon” by “Ricardo Armory.” Long out of print “Song of the Loon” returned to print a few years ago, in a handsome edition published by Vancouver’s Arsenal Pulp Press as part of its Little Sister’s line of LGBTQ classics. : : This article owes its existence to the late Drewey Wayne Gunn, to ‘American Gay Erotic Paperbacks: A Bibliography’ by Tom Norman, and to the author’s collection of pulps.

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Nearly 25 years on and ‘Prayers for Bobby’ is still saving lives Op-Ed

BY Aila Alvina Boyd | Guest Contributor

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s humans, we often try to erase painful experiences from our memory. As a result, we inadvertently end up throwing out the things that helped us through our darkest days. I was recently reminded of the book that literally saved my life when one of my dual enrollment English composition students at the community college I teach at wrote about a scenario that was eerily similar to my own in one of her essays.

The essay I had assigned asked students to recount a past event in their lives that they wish would have gone differently. Much to my surprise, one of the essays ended up tugging at my heartstrings much harder than the rest. It was written by a quiet high school junior who recounted how her mother and father reacted to the revelation that she was gay a few months earlier. While reading it, there were points in time when I had to put her essay aside and think about something happy because the scenes and dialogue that she included shook me to my core.

It was as though she was chronicling my coming out story instead of her own. Like my mother and step-father, her parents knew that she was gay and confronted her about it.

Like my parents, hers gave her an ultimatum ― become straight or risk being kicked out.

And, lastly, she made the same exact decision that I had roughly 10 years earlier by deciding to betray her authentic self in order to survive.

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After finally making it all the way through her essay, I was reminded of “Prayers for Bobby: A Mother’s Coming to Terms with the Suicide of Her Gay Son,” Leroy Aarons’ 1995 nonfiction book about the real-life Mary Griffin and the tragic suicide of her son Bobby.

I was first introduced to the book by my 10th grade honors English teacher the day that I came to school in tears after my mother and step-father told me to become straight or get out of their house. Although the book didn’t immediately make everything right in my life, it showed me that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. It made me realize that if Mary Griffin could go from being a bigoted homophobe to a full-fledged LGBTQ ally, then there was hope for my own mother.

In my response to my student’s essay, I recommended that she read Aarons’ book.

I told her that I’d be happy to loan her my copy if she’d like.

Weeks went by and she never mentioned her essay to me or my offer. In fact, it seemed like she was avoiding me altogether. But then I heard a knock at my office door one day before class. There she was. Tears were streaming down her face. Her hands were shaking violently. She was the mirror image of my younger self the day that my teacher gave me a copy of “Prayers for Bobby.”

She asked if I had a minute. I told her that I would cancel class that day if I needed

to. Although she assured me that she was fine and that I didn’t need to, I decided to go ahead and cancel all of my classes for the day because I knew all too well the pain and hurt that she was feeling in that moment.

Having known that the day might come when she would ask for it, I had brought my tattered old copy of “Prayers for Bobby” with me weeks earlier and had placed it on my bookshelf. I pulled it out and handed it to her after allowing her the opportunity to vent about the cruelty of her parents’ decision to have their pastor come to their house and try to “pray the gay away.”

Like me when I was her age, she had never heard of the book before. After giving it to her, I explained that I had been on the verge of suicide but was saved from actually following through with it because of the book. Although she did so politely, she scoffed at the idea that the book had saved my life. “I don’t care how good this book is, I don’t think it’s going to solve all of my problems,” she countered. I nodded my head and agreed that the book wouldn’t solve all of her problems, before stressing that it would at least assure her that her problems were in fact solvable.

During the following class she came up to me and told me that she was almost halfway through the book. To her surprise, she said, she understood why I attributed

the book with saving my life because the book was giving her “the courage to persevere in the face of my parents’ hatred.”

The reason why the story of Mary and Bobby Griffin is as poignant today as it was when it was first published nearly 25 years ago, is because it gives LGBTQ youth hope that one day their parents will realize that God doesn’t have to heal them because there’s nothing wrong with being gay.

Written by an openly gay man, “Prayers for Bobby” is one of those rare books that is able to speak to each and every reader, no matter their sexual orientation, gender identity, age, race or political leanings.

Although the message of the book is that Mary finally realized her fatal mistake and then worked diligently to help others from following in her footsteps, it also aptly shows LGBTQ teens that they aren’t alone by tapping into what it’s like to suffer under the suffocating grip of disapproving parents through direct excerpts from Bobby’s personal diaries. : : Aila Alvina Boyd is a writer, educator and award-winning journalist. Her writing has been featured by Vice, Autostraddle, Gay Star News, The Washington Blade, qnotes, English Journal and HuffPost. She holds a terminal graduate degree in writing from Lindenwood University.

news

State, national orgs lay out election endorsements Equality North Carolina and The Victory Fund Share Their 2019 Picks

BY Lainey Millen | QNOTES Staff WRITER

Pam Hemminger

Lydia Lavelle

Steve Schewel

Jenn Weaver

Mayoral Candidates from across North Carolina. (Photo Credit: Personal Facebook Pages)

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s voters hit the polls for early voting, a North Carolina statewide civil rights organization and a national one too share their endorsements for the General Election for 2019.

Equality North Carolina has provided picks across 12 key contest arenas, showcasing mayoral, city council, alderman and other municipal races. They are:

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Morrisville: Town Council, District 1 — Ann Robotti Salisbury: City Council — Ladale Benson, Al Heggins and Tamara Sheffield Wilmington: Town Council — Kimberly Spader

Carrboro: Mayor — Lydia Lavelle Alderman — Steve Friedman, Susan Romaine and Damon Seils Chapel Hill: Mayor — Pam Hemminger Town Council At-Large — Sue Hunter, Michael Parker, Amy Ryan and Renuka Soll Charlotte: City Council — District 1, Larken Egleston; District 5, Matt Newton; At-Large, Julie Eiselt and Braxton Winston Davidson: Town Commissioners — Jane Campbell and Jim Fuller Durham: Mayor — Steve Schewel City Council, At Large — Javiera Caballero, Jillian Johnson and Charlie Reece Greenville: City Council, District 2 — John Landrine (Despite a Pitt County Board of Elections ruling that showed that he actually lived in District 1, he has chosen to continue his District 2 bid and has not withdrawn from the race.)

High Point: City Council, At Large — Joshua “Fox” Brown (write-in candidate) Hillsborough: Mayor — Jenn Weaver Town Board — Mark Bell and Matt Hughes Huntersville: Town Commissioner — Lance Munger

LGBTQ Community Member Candidates: (pictured) Jane Campbell, Matt Hughes and Damon Seils Not pictured, Lydia Lavelle Candidates who are members of the LGBTQ community are: Jane Campbell, a retired Navy captain Matt Hughes Lydia Lavelle, elected as the first openly lesbian mayor in North Carolina Damon Seils, has served as one of Gov. Roy Cooper’s appointees on the North Carolina Human Relations Commission Tamara Sheffield, going for her second term on the Salisbury City Council Endorsements by The Victory Fund are: Jane Campbell, Matt Hughes, Lydia Lavelle and Damon Seils Jonathan Melton, Raleigh City Council, AtLarge (has already won his race and will be one of the first of two openly LGBTQ councilmembers, the other being Saige Martin, who captured the District D seat, will also be the youngest for Raleigh’s council/is one of the co-founders of Stonewall Sports) As of press time, endorsements were not available from MeckPAC and the Human Rights Campaign. : :

Nov. 1-14, 2019

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BRIEFS

news Research details landscape on workplace culture, discrimination and inclusion CHARLOTTE, N.C. — As U.S. LGBTQ community members await the decision of the U.S. Supreme Court on three key cases that involve workplace discrimination, studies have been ongoing to depict the actual experience of those employed by Corporate America, as well as smaller ventures.

The three studys below break down the data and show how workplace culture looks in today’s environment.

Among areas researched were: types of discrimination (age, race, gender, LGBTQ identity), attitudes of the LGBTQ community in Corporate America, as well as gender identity and workplace inclusion.

As the Trump administration continues its “war” against the LGBTQ community, now more than ever, the need for data to support claims on discrimination and more are essential in fighting back against conservative views and its agenda.

— Lainey Millen

Study reveals discrimination at work

MILL VALLEY, Calif. — Glassdoor released its 2019 Increasing Investment in Diversity & Inclusion: Evidence From the Growing Job Market study during late October in the U.S., as well as the U.K., France and Germany. It was conducted online by The Harris Poll.

As part of the study (a new Glassdoor survey1, among over 1,100 U.S. employees) found was that approximately three in five (61 percent) of U.S. employees had witnessed or experienced discrimination based (Photo Credit: UndeadCarlos via Adobe Stock) on age, race, gender or LGBTQ identity in the workplace. The survey also revealed the occurrences of discrimination across each of the four categories. In addition, while the study found that the majority of U.S. employees had faced or witnessed discrimination at work, hiring for jobs to improve corporate diversity and inclusion efforts was up 30 percent year-over-year, according to Glassdoor jobs data2, indicating that employers may be responding to the call for more diverse and inclusive work environments.

Specific types of discrimination U.S. employees faced, experienced or witnessed at work were: ageism, 45 percent; racism, 42 percent; gender discrimination, 42 percent; and LGBTQ discrimination, 33 percent.

The survey also showed that younger workers (between the ages of 18 and 34) were more likely to have experienced or witnessed the four types of discrimination at work than older workers (aged 55 and above). When it comes to ageism at work, younger employees (52 percent of ages 18-34) are more likely than older employees (39 percent of ages 55 plus) to have witnessed or experienced it. When it comes to race discrimination at work, younger employees (50 percent of ages 18-34) are more likely to have experienced or witnessed it than older workers (33 percent of ages 55+). When it comes to discrimination based on gender at work, younger workers (52 percent of ages 18-34) are more likely than older workers (30 percent of ages 55+) to have experienced or witnessed it. For LGBTQ discrimination at work, younger employees (43 percent of ages 18-34) are more likely than older employees (18 percent of ages 55+) to have experienced or witnessed it.

Additionally, employed men (38 percent) are more likely than employed women (28 percent) to have experienced or witnessed LGBTQ discrimination at work in the U.S. When it comes to LGBTQ discrimination among younger workers specifically, younger employed men (51 percent of ages 18-34) are significantly more likely than younger employed women (34 percent of ages 18-34) to have experienced or witnessed it.

While a majority of U.S. employees (61 percent) report experiencing or witnessing discrimination based on age, gender, race or LGBTQ identity at work, the survey also found that more than three in four (77 percent) employees say their company employs a diverse workforce, suggesting that the prevalence of discrimination at work may not improve unless something is proactively done, researchers said.

At the same time, proactive efforts at companies may be underway now, as more than three in five (64 percent) workers also say their company is investing more in diversity and inclusion than it has in years past. As further support of what employees felt was happening at their companies now, Glassdoor’s Economic Research team studied millions of the latest job listings on Glassdoor and found that job openings for roles related to diversity and inclusion in the U.S. have increased 30 percent since last year, with approximately 810 jobs open across the country.

However, there is still more work to be done — more than half (55 percent) of U.S. workers believed their company should do more to increase diversity and inclusion efforts. This is even more evident among the Gen Z and millennial employees, with more than three in five (62 percent of ages 18-34) believing their company should do more to increase diversity and inclusion, compared to less than two in five (38 percent) of workers aged 55 and older.

Among the four countries surveyed, the percentage of employees reporting having experienced or witnessed workplace discrimination relating to age, race, gender or LGBTQ identity was highest in the U.S. (61 percent), followed by the U.K. (55 percent), France (43 percent) and Germany (37 percent). The U.S. rates also ranked highest among each of the individual categories.

More survey results and data from Glassdoor’s Economic Research study can be found in the company’s 2019 Diversity and Inclusion Study Supplement. The supplement details employee sentiment around discrimination in the workplace, their views on how companies are tackling diversity and inclusion and the investment that employers are making to improve diversity and inclusion. info: glassdoor.com/research.

METHODOLOGY:

This survey was conducted online within the United States (U.S.), United Kingdom (UK), France and Germany by The Harris Poll on behalf of Glassdoor from July 29 - 31, 2019 among 5,241 adults aged 18 and older, among which 2,028 are in the U.S., 1,071 are in the UK, 1,052 are in France, and 1,090 are in Germany. Furthermore, among all countries, 3,137 are employed full-time/part-time/self-employed, 1,113 are employees in the U.S., 725 are employees in the UK, 654 are employees in France, and 645 are employees in Germany. This online survey is not based on a probability sample and therefore no estimate of theoretical sampling error can be calculated. For complete survey methodology, including weighting variables and subgroup sample sizes, please contact pr@glassdoor.com.

2 Glassdoor Economic Research analysis is based on a sample of millions of online job postings and search logs on Glassdoor current as of August 2019.

To measure the number of job openings, Glassdoor Economic Research performed a text search of Glassdoor’s real-time job openings database for any job posting with a job title containing English keywords related to diversity and inclusion. Searches were also made for equivalent terms in German, French, Spanish and Portuguese.

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Company surveys LGBTQ community attitudes

WEST HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — LGBTQ Loyalty Holdings, Inc. announced the completion of a national survey of LGBTQ adults created to invite the LGBTQ community to express their attitudes about a certain number of the nation’s high performing corporations to guide the development of Loyalty’s LGBTQ100 Index methodology. The survey, administered by The Harris Poll, represented contributions to the Environmental, Social and Governance (ESG) Index which included demographic survey data in the financial services industry.

“Encouraging the LGBTQ community to recognize and evaluate the top equality-driven companies in the United States, to be reflected by our LGBTQ100 Index, is a measurable step towards advancing equality. It empowers our community and our allies along with the investment community to have the ability to track a financial Index of high-performing companies who are proven to support our core

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Nov. 1-14, 2019

Cereal giant, GLAAD launch ‘Together’ campaign

Kellogg’s and GLAAD have joined forces to stage an anti-bullying campaign with a new “concoction” of Raisin Bran, Corn Flakes, Rice Krispies, Frosted Flakes, Froot Loops and Frosted Mini Wheats in the same box of cereal named “All Together,” CNN reported. The varieties are individually wrapped inside a purple box adorned with mascots of the six selections. The two entities are using this platform to raise awareness and their work in LGBTQ advocacy and said the cereal is “a symbol of acceptance no matter now you look, where you’re from or who you love.” Kellogg’s also contributed $50,000 to GLAAD to support their work.

info: cnn.it/2BPjEIk.

Gay couple assaulted

Kenny Coppedge and Jordan Frye, a gay couple, were assaulted by a group of men who claimed to be off-duty New Jersey police officers in Charlotte, N.C.’s South End on the evening of Oct. 20, FOX 46 News reported. When Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department officers arrived the men spoke with them before they were allowed to leave the scene. Coopedge wants the assailants charged.

info: bit.ly/2pmkCJo.

Officer wins lawsuit

An officer, Sgt. Keith Wildhaber, who was told to “tone down your gayness” has won a $20 million anti-discrimination lawsuit against the St. Louis, Mo. County Police, the New York Daily News reported.

info: bit.ly/36cgbBy.

Trans teen killed

Scout Undercoffer, a student at Holly Grove Middle School, was hit by an automobile and succumbed to injuries sustained in the accident, The Raleigh News & Observer reported. Undercoffer was in the process of transitioning at the time of his death. Prior to initiating his transition, he went by Olivia. Undercoffer’s parents have reached out to the LGBT Center of Raleigh in order to have a scholarship fund set up in Scout Undercoffer’s name. Visit the center’s website and go to the donations page to make a contribution earmarked for Scout’s Scholarship Fund. Additionally, a vigil was held on Oct. 21 and was attended by his family, fellow students and others.

info: bit.ly/2Pz4AqD. lgbtcenterofraleigh.com.

Trans dating app launched

David Minns, an online dating entrepreneur, has launched a transgender dating app called Butterfly. Key feature is a gender search option. The app is free to use and optional upgrades are available.

info: butterfly.dating.

Salesforce exec sends warning

TechCrunch reported that Salesforce Ventures top executive John Somorzai, when speaking the Entrepreneurs’ Series 2019 panel in Durham, N.C., said that a state “can’t attract talent when it’s not ‘welcoming to all people,’” with regard to North Carolina’s political swings, thus threatening the tech hub potential.

info: tcrn.ch/2pWMdRD..

Retirement community gets SAGE credentials

Grace Ridge Retirement Community has received its SAGECare LGBT Cultural Competency Training 2019 Platinum credentials and certification. Located in Morganton, N.C., the community is owned and operated by Carolinas HealthCare System Blue Ridge.

info: bit.ly/32PY9Di. graceridge.org.

continued from previous page principles and values,” said tennis icon Martina Navratilova, an LGBTQ Loyalty director on its board.

The company also announced the launch of a newsletter that focuses on advancing equality in Corporate America. The digital newsletter, delivered every Thursday to subscribers, features news on corporate culture and policies that impact how the LGBTQ community experience their lives in the workplace, as consumers and as business owners.

LGBTQ Loyalty’s newsletter, Advancing Equality, showcases four articles and a video, Executive Editor Richard Hack shared. It will offer “busy LGBTQ citizen and the companies they frequent, news on the emerging efforts to bring full inclusion and non-discrimination into the workplace, for customers and employees alike,” added Hack.

LGBTQ Loyalty launched their LGBTQ100 Index in late October 2019. info: lgbtqloyalty.com.

Gender identity, inclusion at center of study

WALTHAM, Mass. — WFD Consulting unveiled its new research report: Gender Identity and the Dynamic Workforce: Creating an Inclusive Workplace to understand how organizations could better support employees who are transgender, as well as those who identify as gender non-binary, non-conforming and fluid, including support for parents who have children who identify as transgender and non-binary. Chapter 4 of the report, Taking Action, provides organizations with a -set of recommendations to create inclusive, welcoming experiences for all employees, WFD stated.

The Summary of Findings provided nine findings and conclusions from the experiences and stories shared by all study participants. Some of those areas were respect and value, medical benefits, inclusive policies and practices and cultural competence.

Generation Z is entering the workforce with the inclusive perspective that gender and gender expression can exist on a continuum between the traditional binary male and female and can be fluid.

Through interviews with employers, employees, gender identity experts and parents of transgender children, the study uncovered the gaps between the desired workplace culture and the day-to-day experiences of parents and transgender and non-binary individuals.

An advisory team, all active allies and advocates in the transgender community, were assembled to inform the study design. Between April and August 2019, more than 110 individuals from all regions of the country were interviewed. They ranged in age from 24 to 69 and worked in diverse industries including banking, financial and professional services, education, government, health care, pharmaceuticals and medical devices, retail and transportation, and technology.

The research study was sponsored by Microsoft Corporation. info: wfd.com.

Shooting victim now paralyzed ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Pedro Ventura, a Los Angeles, Calif. native and Dominican Republic immigrant who came to the U.S. as a child, was shot outside the Scandals nightclub in early October during the early morning hours and became paralyzed when the bullet penetrated his neck and became lodged in his C4 vertebra, Towleroad reported.

Ventura was visiting the Blue Ridge town and the bar and was waiting outside the establishment for an Uber to pick him up, The Advocate stated. LGBTQ Nation reported that there we nearly 300 individuals congregating around the area when the incident occurred.

An unidentified assailant drove by and fired several gunshots into the crowd, Towleroad added.

Now, Ezra Glenn, Ventura’s partner, has created a GoFundMe page, Hope for Pedro, to help defray medical expenses. The goal set is $600,000. So far, as of press time, $512,561 had been raised, with many contributions being made by perfect strangers who sought to offer their monetary support and encouragement.

Glenn shared on the GoFundMe page, “Despite the presence of up to 300 people in the street, Pedro was the only person hit in the gunfire, and his injuries are severe. The bullet entered his body at the back of his neck and ended up in his C4 vertebra, shattering parts of his spine and severing his spinal cord, initially leaving him paralyzed from the neck down and unable to breathe on his own. It is a miracle that he is alive, and the progress he has already made towards recovery — including regaining partial control of his breathing and movement in his shoulders — has defied doctors’ expectations.”

Initially hospitalized in Asheville, he has now been moved to a facility in another state that specializes in spinal injuries, The Advocate said. He is on a ventilator and his condition has improved.

Doctors are hopeful that he will be able to breath unassisted soon.

A reward is being offered of up to $5,000 by the Asheville-Buncombe Crime Stoppers for information leading to the apprehension of the shooter. Tips can be called in to the Asheville Police Department at 828-252-1000 or Asheville-Buncombe Crime Stoppers at 828-255-5050.

Those reporting do not have to share their names.

Ventura was an honors graduate from Wesleyan University and had established a career in the music industry, the GoFundMe page stated. info: bit.ly/2MRCrck. bit.ly/2NiNmei. bit.ly/36dcPOR. — Lainey Millen

Nov. 1-14, 2019

qnotes

9

life

In Memoriam: 2019

Honoring Transgender Family Tragically Lost This Year

BY Mykah Buff| Guest Contributor

A sweeping epidemic sees mounting transgender murders across the U.S. So far in a 12-month period, there have been 21 deaths. (Photo Credit: Viktoriia Kulish via Adobe Stock)

T

he epidemic of transgender murders in the U.S. continues to grow, as there have already been 21 deaths of individuals who were transgender or gender nonconforming that resulted from violent attacks or shootings over the last 12 months.

Nov. 20 is the Transgender Day of Remembrance, and qnotes would like to honor the memory of those we’ve lost in our community.

“Transgender Day of Remembrance seeks to highlight the losses we face due to anti-transgender bigotry and violence,” said Gwendolyn Ann Smith, founder of Transgender Day of Remembrance. “I am no stranger to the need to fight for our rights, and the right to simply exist is first and foremost. With so many seeking to erase transgender people — sometimes in the most brutal ways possible — it is vitally important that those we lose are remembered, and that we continue to fight for justice.”

Dana Martin Dana Martin, 31, was found shot to death in her car in a ditch in Montgomery, Ala. on Jan. 6.

Local-Alabama transgender advocate Daroneshia Duncan-Boyd said, “she was a person that was loved by many.” According to the Montgomery Advertiser, the investigation is ongoing.

Jazzaline Ware Jazzaline Ware was found dead in her Memphis, Tenn. residence in March. The Advocate said her death is being investigated as a homicide.

“Our community in Memphis is mourning the death of Jazzaline Ware, a Black trans woman and beloved friend,” said the Transgender Law Center. Additional information regarding this case is unknown as of May 31.

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Nov. 1-14, 2019

Ashanti Carmon Ashanti Carmon, 27, died from a fatal gunshot wound in Prince George’s County, Md. on March 30.

Carmon is mourned and missed greatly by her fiancé, Philip Williams.

“Until I leave this earth, I’m going to continue on loving her in my heart, body, and soul.” Williams said. “She did not deserve to leave this earth so early, especially in the way that she went out.”

Claire Legato Claire Legato, 21, died from a fatal gunshot wound in Cleveland, Ohio on April 15. Cleveland.com said, “Legato was shot in the head during an argument between her mother and the suspect.” She died on May 14 at a local hospital and is mourned by her friends who say she was “full of life.”

Muhlaysia Booker Muhlaysia Booker, 23, died from a fatal gunshot wound on May 18 in Dallas, Texas. Prior to Booker’s brutal murder, she suffered what Mike Rawlings, mayor of Dallas, described as “mob violence.” Local news outlet dfw.cbslocal.com said, “she was found near a golf course in east Dallas.”

According to local authorities, as of May 20, a connection has not been made between the attack in April and her murder.

Michelle ‘Tamika’ Washington Michelle “Tamika” Washington, 40 died from a fatal gunshot wound in Philadelphia, Pa. on May 19.

Philadelphia Gay News said Washington was discovered by police, who were responding to reports of gunshots in North Philadelphia’s Frankville neighborhood. She died at Temple University Hospital, and is remembered by friends and loved ones, especially her “gay” family.

Paris Cameron Paris Cameron, 20, was one of three victims in an anti-LGBTQ shooting in Detroit, Mich. on May 25, according to authorities. Cameron was transported to the hospital where she later died. Timothy Blancher, 20, and Alunte Davis, 21, were found dead at the scene. There were two other victims of the shooting, but fortunately, they pulled through. Fair Michigan President Alanna Maguire said, “this case illustrates the mortal danger faced by members of Detroit’s LGBTQ community, including transgender women of color.”

Chynal Lindsey Chynal Lindsey, 26, was found dead with signs of “homicidal violence” on June 1 in White Rock Lake, Dallas, Texas, according to authorities. The local police reached out to federal law enforcement for help with the investigation, but as of June 4, no additional information has become available.

Chanel Scurlock Chanel Scurlock, 23, was found shot to death in Lumberton, N.C. on June 6. Very few details of the case have been released, but police told a local news outlet they have some good leads. Scurlock is remembered by her friends who took to Facebook, commenting “RIP” and that she “lived as she wanted to” and

that she was “unapologetically correct about her feelings and expectations of people.”

you would ever meet, a true saint, but he was also very scared constantly,” a friend said to Splinter News.

made us to live and love and to grow…,” a cousin of Berryman’s wrote.

Zoe Spears Zoe Spears, 23, was found with multiple injuries near Eastern Ave. in Fairmount Heights, Md. She later died on June 13, according to authorities. Ruby Corado, transgender advocate and founder and director of Casa Ruby, an LGBTQ social services provider, said, “she was my daughter — very bright and very full of life. Casa Ruby was her home. Right now, we just want her friends and the people who knew her to know that she’s loved.”

Pebbles LaDime “Dime” Doe Pebbles LaDime, 24, was found dead in her car in Allendale County, S.C. on Aug. 4, according to authorities. Doe’s family and friends remembered her on social media as having a “bright personality” and being someone who “showed love” and was the “best to be around.”…

“If I knew Friday would be my last time seeing you, I would have hugged you even tighter,” another friend wrote.

Itali Marlowe Itali Marlowe, 29, was found by police with multiple gunshot wounds in the driveway of a local home in Houston, Texas on Sept.

20. Transgriot.blogspot.com said Marlowe was transported to a local hospital where she was pronounced dead. Raymond Donald Williams, 23, was charged with Marlowe’s murder and is being actively pursued by the police for his arrest.

Brooklyn Lindsey Brooklyn Lindsey, 32, was found dead on the front porch of an abandoned dwelling in Kansas City, Mo. on June 25, according to a local news outlet kctv5.com. She is remembered by her friends, many of whom took to Facebook. “I love you, Brooklyn Lindsey,” one friend tweeted. “I shall live on for you.

Rest in peace, sista.”

Denali Berries Stuckey Denali Berries Stuckey, 29, was found shot to death in North Charleston, S.C. on July 20. A Facebook post written by her cousin said, “I lost my best friend, first cousin, … We were more than cousins. We were like brothers and sisters. I love you so much, Pooh.”

According to local authorities, the investigation has been ongoing, and there are currently no suspects.

Kiki Fantroy Kiki Fantroy, 21, died from a fatal gunshot wound in Miami, Fla. on July 31. She is remembered by her mother, who pleaded for justice for her daughter’s death, as having a “heart of gold” and being a “very loving person.”… “My baby, my baby. Please help bring justice to my baby,” her mother said.

Jordan Cofer Jordan Cofer, 22, was killed in a mass shooting among eight other victims in Dayton, Ohio on Aug. 4. Cofer, who was only out as transgender to a few friends, is remembered as “extremely bright” and “well-liked.”… “Jordan was probably one of the sweetest people

Tracy Single Tracy Single, 22, was killed in Houston, Texas on July 30. Local transgender advocate, Monica Roberts, wrote, “rest in power and peace, Tracy. … You were taken away too soon.” Houston city officials honored Single’s memory by lighting the City Hall building and bridges over U.S. Route 59 in the colors of the transgender flag.

Bailey Reeves Bailey Reeves, 17, died from a fatal gunshot wound in Baltimore, Md. on Sept. 4 at a local hospital.

As of Sept. 6, few details were known about the case. At the time of Reeve’s death, she was the 17th transgender person to be murdered in 2019, many of whom were African-American.

Bee Love Slater Bee Love Slater, 23, was found dead in a vehicle in Clewiston, Fla. on Sept. 4. According to local authorities, Slater showed signs of being burned, tied up and shot. She is remembered by friends and family as someone “with a really, really sweetheart” who “never harmed anyone.” The funeral home who conducted Slater’s ceremony said in a Facebook post that, “Bee Love was loved by many family, friends, and neighbors.”

Jamagio Jamar Berryman Jamagio Jamar Berryman was killed in Kansas City, Kan. on Sept. 13. Following Berryman’s tragic death, her family and friends, members of the community and local activists paid their respects to Berryman by hosting a vigil, as well as taking to social media. “Ja’leyahJamar didn’t ask for this life… God

Brianna “BB” Hill Brianna “BB” Hill, 30, was discovered by police shot dead in Kansas City, Mo. on Oct. 14. Authorities told local news outlet kctv5.com that “the alleged shooter remained at the scene until they arrived.” Hill is remembered as a beloved member of the community, a Kansas City football fan, and someone who enjoyed sharing humorous videos on social media.

•••

In addition to the loss of these 17 souls, the deaths of Johana “Joa” Medina, 25, Layleen Polanco, 27, and Bubba Walker, 55, who was a local resident of Charlotte, N.C., are being followed closely by The Human Rights Campaign.

Medina died on June 1 in the hospital from severe health complications resulting from negligent care received while in ICE custody, according to a blog post by Hispanic activist group, Diversidad Sin Fronteras.

Polanco died at Riker’s Island in New York City on June 7 from complications of epilepsy, according to CNN. Attorney David B. Shanies said, “her family believes the decision to place her in punitive segregation, also known as solitary confinement, despite knowing she had epilepsy, contributed to her death.”

Walker was found dead on July 30 in Charlotte, N.C. in the aftermath of a house fire. Initially, Walker’s body was not discovered and wasn’t identified until a month after the fire. Police are now investigating the possibility of someone maliciously setting fire to the abandoned home and have reopened Walker’s case as a homicide investigation. The Charlotte Observer said friends and relatives attended a candlelight vigil to honor her memory. : :

Nov. 1-14, 2019

qnotes

11

a&e

10 Questions with Vic: Featuring Laverne Cox Transgender, Award-Winner, Actress, Film Producer, Activist, Influencer

BY Vic Gerami | Guest Contributor

W

VG: Your immense success ith various ‘firsts’ in her is notable and impressive, already impressive career, but it’s even more signifithe Emmy-nominated cant when one factors in actress, documentary film prothat you are a transgenducer and prominent equal rights der woman of color. How advocate, Laverne Cox, continues would you reflect on your to make history in her career and career when noting all significant strides in her activthe glass ceilings that you ism. Debuting on the scene in the have broken? groundbreaking role of Sophia LC: I think we have to Burset, in the critically acclaimed because there is a case goNetflix original series “Orange is ing to the Supreme Court, The New Black,” Laverne is the where the question is does first transgender woman of color Title VII cover the LGBTQ+ to have a leading role on a maincommunity — a woman, stream scripted television show. a trans woman named Laverne has earned numerous Aimee Stephens, who was honors and award nominations fired from her job for being for her work and advocacy, from transgender. Her employer being featured on the cover of TIME concedes that is why he fired Magazine, to an Emmy nomination her, and the Supreme Court for “Outstanding Guest Actress in a may decide that is legal to Comedy Series,” to a SAG Award for do. We have to keep talking “Outstanding Performance by an about it because transEnsemble in a Comedy Series.” gender people are banned An advocate with an empowerfrom serving openly in the ing message of moving beyond military. We have to keep gender expectations to live more talking about it, because authentically, she was also named this current administraas one of Glamour magazine’s 2014 tion wants to discriminate Women of the Year, one of The Transgender actress and influencer Laverne Cox is promoting #BandTogether to help fund HIV medications. against us in homeless shelGrio’s 100 Most Influential African(Photo Credit: Michael Simon) ters and in health care. We Americans, one of the Top 50 Trans have to keep talking about it Icons by the Huffington Post, and because trans people are bebeing in process, it is the process of getting better that I feel honored with the Courage Award ing murdered in record numbers and 78 percent of trans most connected to myself. I was in a voice lesson yesterday, from the Anti-Violence Project, and the Reader’s Choice youth are bullied in schools. That is why we have to keep and I was like yeah this is right. And communicated with my Award from Out Magazine, among other accolades. talking about it. acting coach, I had some stuff coming up, but it’s not even Recently, Laverne has partnered with the BAND-AID about the job, it’s about refining my process as an artist — Brand, Johnson & Johnson, and (RED) to #BandTogether in VG: So, when one doesn’t even know you are a trans so that it really goes back to the craft. the fight against HIV/AIDS. Every purchase of (BAND-AID) and assesses your career, it’s like wow. But when we RED bandages is enough to provide a day’s worth of lifefactor that in, it’s incredible. So, how do you reflect on VG: You seem to be on top of the world, with your saving medication to someone living with HIV. that? career, coming off “Orange is The New Black,” all your I interviewed Laverne at West Hollywood Andaz Hotel’s LC: I just think it feels like a miracle, it feels like a miracle. other projects, a film coming up, covers of Cosmo, Time red suite. She exuded confidence, friendliness and authenAnd I think because I have always dreamed of having this and British Vogue. ticity, and that made the interview even more special. She kind of career, but I never saw someone openly trans have LC: The interesting thing about perception is that it is commade me feel very comfortable, so we chatted for about this kind of career before me — that I am wondering if I plicated. This means, you said, that it seems like I am on top an hour and took pictures together. She is beautiful but was crazy, wondering if it was actually even possible right of the world and there are so many things that are quite modest, on top of her game, but in gratitude and glowing before I moved towards this. I was going to stop actwonderful about my life and my work, so many dreams have with star power. ing and go to graduate school and get a job. It feels just come true. I am really living the dream in so many ways. But remarkable, but it also, what I am very clear about is that I at the moment, I mean I am being quite honest, I broke up VG: My first one I ask everyone, it’s the same, and you believe this happened to me when it happened to me bewith my boyfriend, or he broke up with me, I should say at can interpret it as you wish. Modesty aside, how would cause I was ready to be of service and I could be of service the end of June. We were dating for almost two years, and I you describe yourself?

— and I have tried to take care of myself and not have my was madly in love, and I am still heartbroken. So, my career LC: Oh wow! It depends on the day. Today, oh my God! I whole life to be of service, and to, you know, to fill up my is kind of wonderful right now in so many ways, but I am also guess I don’t think about this much. I like to call myself an cup first, and have the overflow be for everyone else. heartbroken, so it is complicated. So, yes, I am living a dream artist; there was a moment I went to the Alabama School of But I think it’s really about being of service and that is that a lot of people I think would like to live.

Fine Arts in Birmingham, Alabama, and I started studying why I partnered with Band Aid and RED on this incredible dance when I was in third grade, but I didn’t study ballet uncampaign that is really about continuing the work RED VG: Well you just humanized it. Because the public til high school, so when I auditioned for the Alabama School has been doing since 2006 of making sure that folks in sees the outside for the most part but might not realof Fine Arts, I needed to get a scholarship and I didn’t think I Sub-Saharan Africa have access to medication to prevent ize that you have your own challenges. would be able to get the scholarship if I hadn’t ever studied the spread of HIV, medication to keep their viral load LC: It almost feels like this, you know I had a moment, ballet before. Because, it was a ballet-only dance program, undetectible if they are HIV positive, to keep mothers especially after my Emmy [award] nomination, I was like, so I had been writing a lot, and so I submitted myself as a from transmitting the virus to their babies if they are HIV I have an Emmy nomination and then the British Vogue creative writing major, and got in, and got a scholarship, positive, condoms, all the incredible work that RED has came out, and it was my first Vogue cover. And I am like I and the very first piece I wrote at the Alabama School of been doing. And I often feel powerless in a lot of my work am on the cover of Vogue and this Emmy nomination and Fine Arts had the recurring line, “I would like to call as an advocate, particularly, when it comes to violence I am like heartbroken. I end up waking up crying, you now, myself an artist,” and I think that has been the through line against trans people, I feel like I have been talking about because I miss him, I mean I miss us. I think it is for the of my life, that at every point when I feel adrift or unsure, that for years and years and it keeps getting worse, and I best, you know the spiritual part of me knows that things uncertain of myself for my direction, something artistic am like, what can we do? With this partnership with Band happen for a reason and there is a plan bigger than my gets me back on track — and even now, at this point in Aid and RED, there is something we can do to end HIV and understanding. But the grief process is the grief process, my life, I am so blessed; this year has been so transitional AIDS — and we can just buy this [product], and this one you know that when you have been in a relationship with in so many ways with “Orange” ending. I started the year box can contribute and make possible for a day’s worth of someone for two years and have healed so much trauma feeling like this is a transitional year, I don’t know where I life saving medication for someone living with HIV in Suband shame in that relationship and all of a sudden, it’s am transitioning to, and where I am at now is the art. over, it’s devastating. So yeah! It just sobers the whole Where I am at now is like I have always gone to acting experience of what it means to be on top of the world. classes or singing voice lessons or dance classes, and just see next page u

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Saharan Africa. We can actually end AIDS and HIV in our lifetime. It is possible. There is no reason why people should be dying of HIV and AIDS still in 2019. So that piece of getting to be [of] service, I believe, I really believe in my spirit, that it’s partly why I have been given the opportunities by the world, by the universe, by those I partner with, so I can be of service. And I think that is why, I know that is why, I get to enjoy this wonderful life.

VG: In addition to your remarkable achievements as an actress, you are often esteemed as the pinnacle of success in the trans, non-binary, gender non-conforming communities. How does that part feel? Is it too much pressure to live up to that?

LC: As things shift for me, and I rethink the advocacy work that I am doing and where I want to focus my energy —and there is so much work that needs to be done — I get guilty, I feel like I can’t be everywhere and I can’t do everything. It’s just not possible …and continue to try to build a career as an artist … it’s not possible. And so, where I am at now, I just saw my dear friend, Angelica Ross on Women OWN the Conversation on her network [Oprah].

And she just was so brilliant in the way in which she had the conversation, with the black women in the black community about trans lives. I was just so, I mean I could cry, I was so inspired and moved by everything that she said. And she said it so much better. And I was like, oh this is wonderful, Angelica got that, she’s got it, and I don’t have to do that. And then I saw Indya Moore’s insanely moving speech at the Fashion Media Awards a few weeks ago, and she wore these beautiful earrings that had a picture of a different trans woman who had been murdered this year. And she made this incredibly moving speech that was just dead on, and smart, and nuanced — and I should use “they” pronouns because Indya identifies as non-binary. So,

Indya was just so brilliant, and I was like, oh yes, Indya’s got this, I don’t have to do that. I see my trans siblings out there with platforms as big as mine doing the work.

And then I see fans on the ground doing grass-root activism and handling that so beautifully, and so I want to lift up that work when I can, but then I am like OK, I don’t have to bear the weight of all this. And I never had to, but when there were fewer of us with this level of visibility, it was a different kind of weight. And so I don’t know if the weight is lighter, the load is lighter, but I just

feel so lifted up by other trans folks, who because of visionaries and gatekeepers, that they have these wonderful platforms as well and are even more articulate than I am on some of these issues. I mean Janet Mock, Oh God! How can I forget Janet Mock.

VG: Thank you for that. Let’s switch topics and talk about your film, “Jolt,” that you just shot. Tell me about that.

LC: Oh, My Gosh! “Jolt” is an action-comedy starring Kate Beckinsale, who I just adore, and I have been a fan of hers for years, and they were like, you want to do a movie with Kate Beckinsale and Bobby Cannavale? And I was like, YEAH! You sort of say yes even before you read the script, because it’s a dream for me to work with an actress of that caliber, I mean that is the company I would like to be keeping. So, “Jolt” is about, I forget what’s been in the press, so I am trying to like sort of not give things away and just sort of talk, you know, talk press release about the film. This is a woman who sort of

has impulse control and the therapist has given her this suit, when she feels a murderous urge, she presses the button and it kind of gives her an electric jolt. And she has trouble meeting men, and she meets a guy and then he ends up dead. So, it becomes her trying to figure out who killed him and my character, I play this police detective, who thinks she killed him. And so, it’s just a wonderful role that we had a blast shooting, I had a blast shooting in London and then Bulgaria, never been to Bulgaria before. We were in Sofia, Bulgaria, running around and I got to chase Kate Beckinsale around.

VG: How is it when a fan recognizes you in public?

LC: It depends on a lot of things; it depends on if I am in the space to receive it. I think I have [been] very careful about where I go now, because I have been in situations often with fans, where I was not in the place to receive the love that they wanted to give me. Because I have been distracted or just wanting to sort of not be on. I just wanted to go about my daily life as a normal person, whatever that means, and so I think it depends if I am in the space where I can receive it, and I try not to be out in the world now when I can’t receive it which is a weird thing, honestly.

I try to go out like incognito if I am not able to receive that energy. But if I am and I meet, let me think of the last interaction it was somewhere recently. I was out for lunch with a friend with some sort of business — he is a friend — but we were talking business as well and someone came up and she was quite lovely, and I would say thank

you so much. I was able to receive it, I was.

So, when I meet people at meet and greets, I can look them in the eye and I can hear them when they talk to me about whatever it is they need to say — and I can be present for whatever they are saying. But being present sometimes means, if they are crying, I am crying with them, and it means that I might hear a story about them thinking about committing suicide and shooting, and then deciding not to because they saw me on television and that is really intense and that is a lot to kind of take in.

VG: My last question is always this, tell me a secret, and make it a good one.

LC: I have so few secrets now, I am just spilling all my tongue. Gee! Oh, my goodness, a secret I feel if I haven’t talked about it publicly, I probably can’t or won’t. Oh, my gosh, a secret. Actually, there is, this isn’t a secret but they wanted me to wear for the Savage and Fenty Fashion Show, they wanted me to have — I don’t own pink shoes and so like I brought my own shoes, because I wear a size 13, I have big ass feet: that’s not a secret. And so, they dyed a pair of my custom Kenneth Cole shoes that I had them in white, they dyed them pink and like put stones on them for the Savage and Fenty Show. That’s not a secret but I haven’t told anyone yet. You are the first person I am telling.

For more information about Laverne Cox, visit LaverneCox.com. : : For the full interview with Laverne Cox, visit goqnotes.com/64142.

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Is a Prenuptial Agreement for You? Legal Eagles: How Property is Viewed in Case of Divorce

BY Elizabeth Hodges, attorney | guest Contributor

Y

ou and your partner are getting married.

Do you need a prenuptial agreement?

You might. For both LGBTQ and straight couples, getting married automatically creates certain legal rights and obligations between you and your spouse concerning “marital property.” That’s true whether the “marital property” is land and buildings or cars and jewelry.

The legal rights and obligations may be contrary to how you’d like your property to be distributed if you ever get divorced.

That’s a reason to plan for the future if you want to retain control over your financial affairs should the worst happen.

A prenup, also called a premarital agreement, is a legally binding contract entered before marriage that gives you that control. Most commonly, premarital agreements resolve financial matters such as how property and spousal support will be handled should the marriage end in divorce. A prenup can waive any claims for alimony. Along with proper estate planning documents, a prenup can even outline what happens to financial interests, such as investments, when one spouse dies.

If you own real estate, investments, retirement accounts or some combination of the three; if you and your partner wish to keep your respective financial commit-

between divorcing couples. In North Carolina, the law is called “equitable distribution.” Under equitable distribution, property is classified as “marital,” “separate” or “divisible.” Property that you bring into the marriage, or that you inherit or receive as a gift from Taking care of essential legal work prior to marriage can provide for the someone other than future if a divorce occurs. (Photo Credit: Karen Roach via Adobe Stock) your spouse, is your separate property.

Your spouse has no ments and estates separated; or if you or legal claim to your separate property. your partner have children, then entering However, depending on how your into a premarital agreement with your separate property is managed during the partner may be the wisest financial decimarriage, a portion or all of it may become sion you will make. marital property. If that happens, the Contrary to popular belief, prenups marital portion of the property is included are not just for the wealthy. They can be in the marital estate and your estranged used to address other financial concerns, spouse acquires a legal claim in what however modest. A prenup can also lay started out being your separate property. out guidelines on other issues, such as Here’s an example. If you own a home management of property during marriage that is titled in your name and is brought or, less typically, allocation of household into the marriage, it is your “separate” responsibilities between the spouses. property as of the date of marriage. But Each state has laws that address how let’s say you use marital funds (such as property will be handled and distributed

your income earned during marriage) to pay down the mortgage while you’re married. The equity created as a result is presumed “marital” and subject to equitable distribution if you divorce.

And yes, income you earn during your marriage is presumed to be “marital property,” not separate and, therefore, is subject to equitable distribution. Many people are surprised to learn that.

A premarital agreement is your solution to controlling the disposition of your property at divorce in a manner different than what the law provides. In my example above, you and your spouse-tobe could execute a prenup that classifies all increases in the value of your residence as separate property regardless of the source of the increase, so that the original homeowner would not have to share any increase in the home’s value with the estranged spouse.

Especially if you own substantial, valuable assets or have children whose inheritances you may wish to protect, it may be in your best interests to have a premarital agreement. A prenup enables both you and your spouse to avoid challenging legal consequences. A family law attorney can advise on your specific circumstances.

Planning for the possibility that your marriage might fail is hardly romantic.

But there’s no guarantee that any marriage will survive. A properly drafted premarital agreement can protect and preserve your property and allow you to own and dispose of your estate in the way you choose. : : Elizabeth Hodges is a family law attorney with Offit Kurman Horack Talley in Charlotte. Her cases involve the litigation, negotiation and settlement of both financial and non-financial issues and disputes. She handles alimony, child support, child custody cases, equitable distribution, separation agreements, postnuptial agreement and premarital agreements, among other family law issues. Hodges is a fellow in the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. She is also certified as a family law specialist by the North Carolina State Bar Board of Legal Specialization.

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Rejection is Just a Concept in Your Head Tell Trinity

BY Trinity | CONTRIBUTING WRITER To Trinity, I’m an attractive, fun, well-off gay man.

I think I’m a catch, but I can’t seem to get a catch. What’s wrong with me?

Yours, Catcher Without A Catch, Atlanta, GA To Catcher Without A Catch, The only two reasons you might have troubles are, a) you don’t try very hard or b) you get rejected and stop trying.

Many of us fear rejection, which ruins our

dating life. If someone rejects you, then you must train yourself to simply go on to the NEXT adventure! Rejection is just a concept in our head, it’s not real. How someone sees you is NOT who you really are. Honey, meeting new potential mates should be a fun exercise, not the final curtain. However, if rejection is not your problem, then ask friends if you smell or drool uncontrollably.

NEXT! Trinity Dearest Trinity, My father constantly says to me, “You’re not man enough. Act like a man. Be a man.”

Trinity, what’s a man?

Thanks, Parent Trap, Seattle, WA Dearest Parent Trap, Courageousness, kindness and acting with diplomacy is what makes a man a man! Being real, honest and a good cook also helps. No matter what daddy says, if you have pride in yourself while confidently chasing after your dreams, then you’ll be the man we all look up to.

Pumpkin, parents are not easy, especially when they want us to fulfill the insecurities they inherited from their parents.

qomunity

qonexions

space starting at $22: call qnotes for details 704.531.9988

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(Hey, take a peek at my cartoon for how I see it on the “manly man.”)

Kisses, Trinity Dear Trinity, My partner and I have a Boy Friday. He’s a great worker but extremely slow. And, we love him. How do we get him to move faster without losing him?

Yours, Boy Friday Troubles, Reno, NV Dear Boy Friday Troubles, Maybe something is slowing him down, like old appliances or the order in which his chores are laid out. If that’s not it, give him a salary instead of hourly. Thus, if he gets sixty bucks for four hours, just offer him the sixty bucks whether he’s done early or not. If he knows that he can finish early with the same pay then he may work faster.

Later on, you can slowly up his chores.

And, if all else fails, sweetie, have a fresh brewed cup of strong java for the little turtle when he arrives, and shove it down his little, lazy throat.

Think coffee, Trinity Hi there Miss Trinity, My New Year’s resolution is to start dating again. But going to bars or clubs is just not my scene. The drinking, smoking and noise makes it too difficult to meet anyone worth dating. Any suggestions?

Bar-fly No More, Buffalo, NY Hi there Bar-fly No More, Let’s see now, I know somewhere under my bed I have a list of places to meet

potential dates, ah yes, darling, here is:

Trinity’s Creative Tips For Capturing A Date 1. Go to the beach and stay a while. (No big hats!)

2. Hang out in cafes or coffee shops. (No more than two cups of coffee at one time!)

3. Throw a party or get invited to one and talk to EVERYONE! (No getting drunk!)

4. Join a gym — or finally go to the one you joined last year! (No high sox, white sox or bright yellow tank tops!)

5. Join one of the infinite app chat rooms.

(Beware of false information.)

6. Join a dating service like Match.com or a Meetup group. They are interesting and fun. (Don’t let the questions scare you.)

7. Join a sports team. (And don’t get hurt.)

8. Ask friends and relatives to set you up on some dates. (No dating cousins, even if he’s cute!)

9. Go to fundraisers or benefits.

Guaranteed to work! (Don’t let the pretension scare you.)

10. L astly, hit some religious services!

There are plenty of dates there! (Don’t let the fanatics scare you!)

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com.

Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

life

Kiwis are magic!

Health & Wellness: Tiny fruit packs huge nutrition benefits

BY Jack Kirven | qnotes contributor

I

’m sure you’ve heard of “superfoods.”

They aren’t real, mind you. That term is an advertising concept invented by a clever company somewhere whose task was to get consumers to buy more fresh produce at the grocery store. It also gives grocers an excuse to double or triple the cost of staples that should be easily affordable to everyone. Do you know what our grandparents and great grandparents called superfoods?

Food. Some examples of overpriced superfoods are blueberries, kale, nuts, pomegranate, açai, salmon, quinoa, etc.

There are some that are still much more reasonably priced for some reason (e.g. broccoli, apples, sweet potatoes and garlic). I’m not quite clear what causes some foods to be superfoods, but one they have overlooked as of now is kiwi.

If anything ought to be relabeled a superfood and currently isn’t, it would be kiwi. Two small — or one large — kiwis have considerably more potassium than a banana, more vitamin C than an orange or serving of strawberries, more fiber than an apple, more vitamin K than spinach, a significant amount of water and less impact on your insulin levels than practically all of those. All that in one little piece of fruit? “But I don’t like kiwis!” Hush! Learn to like them.

Before I continue, let me clarify that I am not in any way trying to say that bananas, oranges, strawberries, apples, and kale aren’t good for you. Enjoy them with the same moderation you enjoy everything else (in your ideal life). I’m not telling you not to have the banana before or after your workout in order to stave off delayed onset lactic acid pain (even though delayed onset lactic acid pain isn’t real either), I am simply suggesting an alternative that has more of what you’re looking for accompanied by less sugar.

As you might remember from past entries, I mentioned the work of Dr. Jason Fung. He has written many works explaining why calories are a distraction, and why focusing on glycemic index and insulin response is fundamental to improving and maintaining body composition. Try to avoid thinking “kiwis have fewer calories than bananas,” even though that is empiri-

Kiwi provide a substantial benefit to one’s health.

(Photo Credit: Pattarisara via Adobe Stock) cally true. Think instead, “kiwis will trigger less of an insulin response than bananas.”

It may seem like an insignificant distinction, but it is a very important concept to understand as you go forward making food choices to reduce body fat.

Back to kiwis: You need to eat them with the skin on. Oh, stop groaning! I can already hear you complaining. Hush! Learn to to like them with the skin on.

Yes, kiwis are fuzzy; however, running them under water and then toweling them off removes nearly all the loose hairs along with any debris that might be caught between them. That greatly improves their mouth feel. (Note: Golden/Yellow kiwis are naturally hairless, but I don’t know if they

claim all the same nutritional advantages of their green counterparts.) Next, cut off the end with the stem and the opposite end as well. You will have a little kiwi barrel. They are so cute like this! Next, quarter the kiwi to make four easily eaten slices.

Nothing to it! Way easier than obliterating all the nutrition with clumsy peeling.

So then, if you are eating lots of bananas with the idea that they will help reduce muscle soreness, kiwis are an option to consider, if you are also trying to lose or maintain lower levels of body fat. I would caution you to avoid reducing your food to simplistic ideas: Bananas have potassium, but they have lots of other properties, too. Think more broadly about what your foods do. Bananas trigger more insulin than other options that contain potassium. If your goal is to pack on weight, then bananas are more appropriate. If you’re trying to get or stay lean, kiwis are more appropriate. Both are healthful.

Neither are bad. Be specific about your needs. : : Jack Kirven completed the MFA in Dance at UCLA, and earned certification as a personal trainer through NASM. His wellness philosophy is founded upon integrated lifestyles as opposed to isolated workouts. Visit him at jackkirven.com and INTEGRE8Twellness.com.

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events November 1-3 ‘Les Miserables’

Ovens Auditorium 2700 E. Independence Blvd., Charlotte 8 p.m.

‘Les Miserables’ tells the story of love, passion, sacrifice and redemption. Songs like “I Dreamed A Dream” and “On My Own,” have made this musical one for the history books. Tickets start at $25 and are available online. blumenthalarts.org.

November 1-3 Upstate Pride Week 2019

Spartanburg Various Times and Locations First-ever Upstate Pride Week featuring 10 days of celebrations and Pride-themed events for all ages across Upstate South Carolina.

Festival headliners include Cazwell, Mila Jam and “RuPaul’s Drag Race” Peppermint. bit.ly/31bEVGz.

November 1 BTAN Charlotte with Derrick Jackson

Action NC Community Space 5700 Executive Center Dr., Suite 206, Charlotte 11 a.m.-1 p.m.

BTAN Charlotte welcomes guest speaker Derrick Jackson of ViiV Healthcare. RSVP/reservations required to accommodate food preparation. Email btancharlotte@ gmail.com for more information and to secure a seat. facebook.com/btancharlottenc.

November 1 AFFA Gala 2019

The Cedar Room 701 E. Bay St., No.200, Charleston S.C. 6 p.m., Reception & Silent Auction 7 p.m., Dinner & Live Auction ​9 p.m., Dancing An evening of dinner and dancing as AFFA celebrates their achievements and look to the future. After Party at 11 p.m. at Bar Mash with DJ Trevor D, Tickets and sponsorships are available online. affa-sc.org/gala/.

November 2 Second Chance Halloween

The Hide-A-Way 405 E. Baskins Rd., Rock Hill 8 p.m.

A midnight drag show with Makaylah Dushot, Tia Douglas and Skylar Michele-Monet. Costume contest and more. scrainbowin@gmail.com.

November 2 Charlotte Pride Band

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Myers Park Baptist Church Heaton Hall 1900 Queens Rd., Charlotte 7:30 p.m.

CPB kicks off their 10th season dedicated to contemporary classics. The concert will take place in Heaton Hall at Myers Park Baptist Church with refreshments during a brief intermission. charlotteprideband.org.

November 3 Charlotte GayList Meetup Gayzer Tag

V Coliseum 2801 E. Independence Blvd., Charlotte 1 p.m.

Sign up for a membership on Charlotte GayList and enjoy an afternoon of archery tag in teams of two, as well as virtual reality booths. RSVP and pre-payment of fees in cash or through Venmo required. See the event listing for more information. Tickets range from $20-$24 depending upon the number of participants and includes pizza. bit.ly/2Nh4hOd.

November 6: Elton John — Farewell Yellow Brick Road

Spectrum Center 333 E. Trade St., Charlotte.

8 p.m.

Musical legend Elton John brings his farewell tour to the Spectrum Center. Public ticket sales begin on October 5, 2018 at 10 a.m. Tickets start at $59.50 and are available online. bit.ly/2PdQrQK.

November 9 SAGE Table

Cantina 18 433 Daniels St., Raleigh 4-6 p.m.

SAGE Table is an opportunity for LGBTQ people of all generations to come together to enjoy good conversation and tasty food.

All are welcome, RSVP at sage@ lgbtcenterofraleigh.com. lgbtcenterofraleigh.com.

November 9 Adult Art Workshop: Empowering with Embroidery

The Bridge 4100 Raleigh St., Charlotte 10 a.m.

Free five-hour workshop where participants will learn to express themselves through colorful patterns, designs or simplified images, logos and initials! bit.ly/2BIucZX.

November 9 Gay Bingo Super Hero Bingo

Charlotte Convention Center 501 S. College St., Charlotte 6:30 p.m.

Gay Bingo presents Gay Super Hero Bingo. A wild, fun night full of

Nov. 1-14, 2019

November-December 2019 Submit your events: editor@goqnotes.com

costumes, song, dance and prizes.

This annual fundraiser raises money for RAIN. carolinarain.org.

November 9 ALFA ‘s Uncorked

The Crossing 883 Highland Ave., Hickory 6 p.m.

Fun evening featuring a wine tasting, craft beer and chef demonstration.

Jump start holiday shopping at their silent auction and wine sale. Tickets are $25 and are available online. alfainfo.org.

November 10 Fall Oyster Roast

Birdsong Brewing Co. 1016 N. Davidson St., Charlotte 1 p.m.

Birdsong and Rocksalt are teaming up for their annual Oyster Roast.

Get oysters by the bucket for $15 or individual for a $1. A portion of the event’s proceeds go to Purple Heart Homes. birdsongbrewing.com.

November 12 Medicare and You — What You Need to Know

Time Out youth Center 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte 6 p.m.

Join healthcare providers in learning how to confidently make decisions about Medicare coverage.

Free admission. RSVP required so organizers can have materials prepared for participants. bit.ly/330BLY1.

November 14-24 Southern Christmas Show

The Park Expo & Conference Center 800 Briar Creek Rd., Charlotte 10 a.m.

Southern Christmas Show features Christmas decorations, clothing, toys, food and more. Tickets are available online. Free admission for kids under 5 southernchristmasshow.com.\

November 14 Project Condom

The Schoolhouse 720 Magnolia Rd., Charleston S.C. 7 p.m.

Project Condom is where condoms meets fashion. Similar to the “Project Runway” series, Project Condom is a fun and creative design contest where fashion intersects sexual health education.

Red carpet attire encouraged but not required. Doors open at 6 p.m.

Free admission. bit.ly/2WrpBoB.

November 16 Extravaganza: Dream World

Elsewhere 606 South Elm St., Greensboro 8 p.m.

Music, art, clothes and food are available for this Extravaganza

November 20: Jonathan Van Ness — Road to Beijing

Netflix’s “Queer Eye” Fab Five’s Jonathan Van Ness will hit the stage at Ovens for his stand-up comedy act. For those 18 plus. Tickets are available online, through ticket providers. Ovens Auditorium, 2700 E. Independence, Charlotte. 8 p.m. bit.ly/2NjojHQ. jonathanvanness.com. which takes place in a thrift store turned living museum. Costumes are highly encouraged. Tickets available online or during museum hours. goelsewhere.org.

November 19-December 1 ‘The Play That Goes Wrong’

Knight Theater at Blumenthal Performing Arts Center 130 S. Tryon St., Charlotte 7:30p.m.

“The Play That Goes Wrong” is a classic murder mystery with a comedic twist, full of puns and mishaps along the way. blumenthalarts.org.

November 20 Trans Day of Remembrance: Hope, Healing & Resilience

Time Out Youth 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte 6 p.m.

This event will provide a time of social reflections, personal storytelling, performances and recognition of those lost this past year.

Open to all ages. Free. timeoutyouth.org.

November 21-23 ‘That Golden Girls Show: A Puppets Parody’ Booth Playhouse at Blumenthal Performing Arts Center 130 S. Tryon St., Charlotte 7:30 p.m.

An evening of cheesecake, quickwitted put downs and St. Olaf stories. This parody play is base off the hit TV show “The Golden Girls.” blumenthalarts.org.

November 24 Hot Stuff Pop UP Market: Holiday Edition

Petra’s 1919 Commonwealth Ave., Charlotte 11:30 a.m.

Support the creative talents that the Queen City has to offer. This Pop Up Shop has plenty of unique handmade treasures for the holiday season. bit.ly/2pZfivq.

November 29 Fantasia Presents The Sketchbook Tour

Bojangle’s Coliseum 2700 E. Independence Blvd., Charlotte 8 p.m.

North Carolina native Fantasia is back in concert with a new album and is bringing some special friends along with her. Tickets start at $59 and are available online. bit.ly/2MS6XCZ.

December 6-7 One Voice: ‘Season to Remember’

Unitarian Universalist Church of Charlotte 234 N. Sharon Amity Rd., Charlotte 7:30 p.m.

Celebrating over 30 years of song, One Voice presents their annual Christmas show, “Season to Remember.” General admission/$25.

All welcome. onevoicechorus.com.

REGULAR EVENTS Charlotte Latin Pride

Spanish-language support nights, second and fourth Tuesday of each month, 7 p.m., Charlotte Pride offices at Holy Trinity Lutheran Church, 1900 The Plaza, Charlotte. info: charlottepride.org/latin/

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‘Yay! You’re Gay! Now What?

A Gay Boy’s Guide to Life’ Out in Print

PFLAG Charlotte

Support meetings, second Monday of each month, 6:30-8 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: pflagcharlotte.org

Prime Timers

Monthly meeting including dinner, speaker, games and more for gay men ages 21 and up, 5-7 p.m., Park Road Baptist Church Fellowship Hall, 3900 Park Rd., Charlotte. info: primetimersww.com/charlotte/

Transcend Charlotte

Support groups for partners, friends and family of transgender and gender non-conforming adults ages 18 and older, second and fourth Sundays of each month, 6-7 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte.

Prior to each meeting an anxiety support group is offered 5-6 p.m. info: transcendcharlotte.org

Youth Drop-In Space

Drop-in space Monday-Friday, 3-6:30 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

Youth Discussion Group

Weekly discussion groups for LGBTQ youth ages 13-20 each Wednesday, 6:308:30 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

Youth of Color Group

Weekly discussion groups for LGBTQ and ally people of color each Thursday, 7-8:30 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

UPDATES/ADDITIONS?

Do you have a regular and reoccurring community event you’d like listed? A listing to update? Email us at editor@ goqnotes.com.

BY terri schlichenmeyer | CONTRIBUTING WRITER “Yay! You’re Gay! Now What? A Gay Boy’s Guide to Life”

by Riyadh Khalaf ©2019, Frances Lincoln $14.99 223 pages

T

he light beneath the door is just a sliver.

It’s enticing, though, and you’re eager to see what’s on the other side, finally ready to open that door and come out. In “Yay! You’re Gay! Now What?” by Riyadh Khalaf, you’ll find some advice for doing it.

For awhile, months, maybe years, you’ve been “feeling different.” You think you might be gay and that’s “okay, it’s normal, and it’s not something you need to change.” Or you may be bi or pan or nonbinary, “it simply comes down to how you feel” and it may have everything or nothing to do with the anatomy you got at birth. The thing to remember is that “YOU CANNOT CHANGE WHO YOU ARE.” This may cause a lot of worry, for yourself and for people you love. Recognize that anxiety before it goes wild and know how to break the cycle. Being gay, says Khalaf, is actually a “gift,” as you’ll eventually begin to see.

That’s a gift you can share or not, says Khalaf, because “you can come out whenever and however you want,” it’s your call. Yes, family members might freak out at first and your friends might retreat, but you’ll find advice on how to cope with that, and a reminder that “almost every relationship is salvageable.”

So let’s say you’re out, comfortable with it and you’re ready to find your first true love. It’s okay to go online and look, but Khalaf says to be wary: you know how easy it is to pretend you’re someone you’re not when you’re on a computer, so be safe. Also be safe when you go to clubs or parties, and remember that protecting your heart is important, too. Relationships can be different, your first kiss can be amazing and your body may respond in embarrassing ways to all of the above. And, on that note, remember that consent is the new hot…

Here’s the very first thing you’ll need to know about “Yay! You’re Gay! Now What?”: absolutely anyone can read it — including parents and allies — but it’s really geared toward gay teen boys and young men. Indeed, author Riyadh Khalaf includes pages expressly for those allies and parents, but later parts of the book are filled with valid information that may be more graphic than they’ll want.

Author Rihadh Khalaf Still, that info will speak directly to the heart and the health of young men just coming out, in a way that’s not stuffy or clinical, but that’s more lightheartedly factual. Khalaf is gay and he uses his own personal anecdotes as tools to teach, but he’s not pious or pushy. Instead, there’s a whole lot of care and camaraderie in these pages, and the words “you are not alone” are not just written, but they leap from each page.

That could make this book a lifesaver for a boy with a dawning understanding but a short support system. “Yay! You’re Gay! Now What?” is serious but fun to read, and may help to shed some light. : :

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