QNotes, November 3, 2017 by QnotesCarolinas

Nov. 3-16. 2017

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Nov. 3-16 . 2017

inside

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news & features

arts. entertainment. news. views.

5 6 8 9 10 11

Transform to your authetic self News Notes: Regional Briefs News Notes: U.S./World Briefs A-B-Cs of ‘T’ Intersex: Joney Harper Transgender Deaths 2017

Transgender individuals may opt to have surgical procedures to help them become their authentic selves. page 5

more news & features …

GOP mayoral candidate views. won’t rule arts. outentertainment. using vetonews. against LGBTQ rights Oct. 13 - goqnotes.com/54584 Rami Malek as Freddie Mercury Oct.. 17 - goqnotes.com/54594 Cooper signs protections Oct. 18 - goqnotes.com

a&e / life&style 20 21 22 23

online

Matching the outside with the inside

Health & Wellness Tell Trinity Q Events Calendar Our People: Blaine Paxton Hall

Coalition attacks Lyles Oct. 19 - goqnotes.com/54634 Pat McCrory has an awful point Oct. 25 - goqnotes.com/54939

opinions & views

Joney Harper

Health & Wellness

4 Letter to the Editor 17 Legal Eagles

Activist, biker and more shares the trials and tribulations of living as an intersex individual. page 10

Being kind to one’s body is important when engaged in any fitness routine. page 20

Campus Pride competing to win $ Oct. 29 - goqnotes.com/54969

Nov. 3-16. 2017

qnotes

qnotes connect Nov. 3-16, 2017 Vol 32 No 14

arts. entertainment. news. views. goqnotes.com twitter.com/qnotescarolinas facebook.com/qnotescarolinas

contributors this issue

Dr. Peter Capizzi, Maria Dominguez, Jack Kirven, Lainey Millen, Milan Pham, Sharon Thompson, Trinity, Jerry Yelton

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The focus of QNotes is to serve the LGBT and straight ally communities of the Charlotte region, North Carolina and beyond, by featuring arts, entertainment, news and views content in print and online that directly enlightens, informs and engages the readers about LGBT life and social justice issues. Pride Publishing & Typesetting, Inc., dba QNotes P.O. Box 221841, Charlotte, NC 28222 ph 704.531.9988 fx 704.531.1361 Publisher: Jim Yarbrough Sales: x201 adsales@goqnotes.com Nat’l Sales: Rivendell Media, ph 212.242.6863 Managing Editor: Jim Yarbrough, editor@goqnotes.com Assoc. Editor: Lainey Millen, specialassignments@goqnotes.com Social Media Editor: Jeff Taylor, jeff@goqnotes.com Staff Writer: Maria Dominguez, maria@goqnotes.com Production: Lainey Millen, x205, production@goqnotes.com Printed on recycled paper.

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news

Election 2017

ENC pulls its endorsement of Raleigh Democratic mayoral candidate The organization is endorsing the unaffiliated candidate in the race by Jeff Taylor :: qnotes staff

RALEIGH, NC — The Equality North Carolina Action Fund PAC has pulled its endorsement of Democratic Raleigh mayoral candidate Charles Francis, due to revelations of anti-LGBTQ ties and donations. It announced on Oct. 23 that it would instead solely endorse the unaffiliated candidate in the race, incumbent Mayor Nancy McFarlane. The PAC had originally endorsed both Francis and McFarlane in the Nov. 7 runoff election, after both answered a questionnaire that signaled support for the LGBTQ community. “Leading up to and following the October 10 election, we received a number of concerns from our supporters about the time Mr. Francis spent campaigning for an anti-LGBTQ candidate, former Senator and gubernatorial candidate Fred Smith,” Equality North Carolina said in a statement. “Further research has led us to be concerned by the number and amount of Mr. Francis’ anti-LGBTQ donors, his time spent campaigning for a prominent sponsor of Amendment One, his donation to pro-HB2 and anti-Affordable Care Act state senator George Holding, and his courting of the Wake County GOP leadership that was instrumental in pushing HB2 in North Carolina.”

Amendment One defined marriage as only between one woman and one man in the North Carolina State Constitution, which passed in 2012 and that was nullified when the Supreme Court legalized marriage equality two years later. HB2 was the anti-LGBTQ law passed in response to Charlotte’s LGBTQ non-discrimination ordinance. Its replacement, HB142, is still in place and prevents progress until at least 2020. “Equality NC Action Fund is proud to endorse Mayor Nancy McFarlane in her re-election for Mayor of Raleigh,” said Matt Hirschy, interim executive director of Equality North Carolina. “A proven ally — Mayor McFarlane spoke out against the deeply discriminatory HB2 and used it as an opportunity to address transgender-specific issues in Raleigh. Furthermore, Mayor McFarlane has a strong connection to the LGBTQ community in Raleigh and was awarded for her work by the LGBT Center of Raleigh with the 2017 Ally of the Year Award. Her long record on LGBTQ issues and her strong leadership in moving Raleigh forward and inclusive for all, make Mayor McFarlane the clear choice for voters.” : :

letters to the editor Send your letters (please keep 200 words or less) or guest commentaries (600 words or less) to letters@goqnotes.com. All letters must be signed with your first and last name and your city/state. We do not accept unsigned letters or commentaries. In response to “Disaster relief for LGBTQ community, centers crucial to efforts to assist those they serve,” published on Oct. 6. Dear fellow QNotes readers, The above article was a joy for me to read. Because there’s been a whole string of disasters recently, rat-a-tat-tat, I’ve begun thinking of another topic. Although it remains important to respond in relief to things as they occur, perhaps some readers also want to plan for the future, by considering the process of response itself. As the 1990s “SNL” [“Saturday Night Live”] character of Coffee Talk Lady would say: “Talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic. Discuss!” The topic is: Could a different system of disaster relief be created? Should it? What would that look like for the LGBTQ community? In the past, a person would watch/ hear/ read a breaking news story about an unfolding disaster. If compassionate and able to respond, they might write a check to the Red Cross, Red Crescent or some other established, generic disaster relief organization. Or petition their government, at various levels, to get involved and spend taxpayer funds to assist. Those are still fine avenues of relief. Of course, “the money you donate today” usually goes to the disaster of tomorrow, since those reliable organizations can have sizable turnaround times. But it’s still valuable, because tomorrow’s disasters are guaranteed to arrive! By contrast, in recent times, social media and the power of the Internet have allowed quick set-ups of crowdfunding. They directly funnel money, skills, and resources to hotspots. They’re also fine avenues of relief, although their track records can be spottier, [their organizers] less transparent and accountable. In the article, the Montrose Center in Houston is mentioned as admirably responding to Hurricane Harvey hitting that city by addressing their

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own community’s own needs. So too have community news offices served in other disasters, as has the entire denomination of Metropolitan Community Churches, for their members. (BTW, I have personal experience with MCC outreach). Also mentioned for admirable work are: Reconciling Ministries Network, CenterLink, and others. None of those organizations were specifically created to anticipate and respond to future disasters, however. What about the creation of a new organization, specifically organized (or appended to an existing organization) to anticipate response to future events, whatever [they may be] and wherever they occur? However such disasters might affect the worldwide LGBTQ community? Something that encapsulates the “for-us-by-us” work ethic? After all, this community has needs which are specific to itself. That’s something which a generic organization might overlook or neglect, either deliberately or inadvertently. Likewise, donors might enjoy having a new, targeted option for their precious resources. If, say, a “Red Rainbow” non-profit disaster agency were created: What would that look like? (Sorry I couldn’t think of a better name on short notice.) Would it have to be initially affiliated with some larger entity; for example, under the umbrella of MCC or the Red Cross, before breaking out on its own? How can it be structured to have the speed and hyper-focus of crowdsourcing, along with the reliability and strength of the old standbys? Within the LGBTQ community, many folks already have admirable, personal track records of activism and service, blazing trails where none existed before. Decades have also already been spent in various current disaster relief organizations. My question simply becomes: Has the time arrived to blaze a new path for LGBTQ disaster response, not merely relief? Thanks for listening and for musing with me. — J.Kemper

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life

Transgender Awareness

TRANSform to your authentic self Where to Start by Dr. Peter Capizzi :: guest contributor

t its best, cosmetic surgery is a means of achieving the vision of your most authentic self. For those who desire gender reassignment (or as some prefer, gender confirmation) surgery, this transformation can be especially poignant, leading to the psychological and social well-being so integral to a happy, productive life. I am proud to support members of the transgender community on their journey to becoming their true selves. Whether considering Male to Female (MTF) or Female to Male (FTM) transformation, the first step taken should be to find a cosmetic surgeon with extensive experience in this field. Once that due diligence is taken care of, the next step is to meet with the surgeon and to make sure the individual is the right fit for you to take you through this highly emotional, very individual journey. Ideally, the surgeon will understand your vision for yourself and will work with you to develop a plan for reaching your personal goals. For individuals seeking gender reassignment, the first step often taken is “top surgery,” a complex surgical procedure requiring a physician with a seasoned track record in breast surgery. Look for a surgeon experienced in a wide range of breastrelated procedures to offer recommendations based on the latest, most groundbreaking techniques. You should expect a custom-tailored recovery plan unique to you, and a realistic expectation of a quick, healthy recovery. Top Surgery and Recovery: What to Expect FTM Top surgery provides those seeking a FTM transition with a traditionally masculine physique through chest reconstruction and contouring. This involves breast tissue removal (bilateral mastectomy) or With the aid of surgery, one’s outside self perception will match one’s inside sense of self, thus helping a transgender person feel complete and authentic. reduction and reshaping of the nipples/areolas, and Photo Credit: Matthias Stolt via Adobe Stock may include liposuction for tailoring on both sides. “masculine” involves far more than having or not having breasts. create their desired breast volume. For those MTF transition paBased on your anatomy, skin elasticity and specific There are an array of treatments that support long-term aesthetic tients seeking a fully feminine, shapely silhouette, I recommend aesthetic goals, there are two types of incisions from which I goals and facilitate a holistic approach to transitioning. For exthe use of breast augmentation, a procedure to increase breast choose for my patients. Both of these are “nipple-sparing” in ample, transgender men may find that contouring and body shapvolume and enhance the overall breast appearance. order to preserve sensation and reduce scarring. In reshaping ing through liposuction or CoolSculpting, and the use of Kybella The surgical site should be kept as compact as possible, with and resizing the nipple/areola complex, the doctor’s primary goal to dissolve fat under the chin, upper breasts and underarm areas, incisions made that are perfectly matched to the size of the implant, is to accomplish a more masculine position and appearance. The as well as the abdomen, help them to better realize their desired for a fit that is snug and sustainable, as well as highly conducive average length of the entire procedure is one to two hours. masculine physique. to healing. The small surgical site also predicts a lower risk of For transgender men with smaller A or B cup chest measureMany transgender women expect to undergo laser hair infection. The total time in surgery is typically around 45 minutes. ments, I often recommend an incision that traces the outline of removal, particularly in the facial area, but there are a wealth of Your surgeon should take a holistic approach when it comes to the areola. In this case, the removal of breast tissue is completed additional treatments to help achieve a soft, feminine appearaftercare — the right surgical technique often results in the patient with a combination of liposuction and direct excision. This proance. From dermal fillers such as Volbella or Vollure for fuller lips, not requiring pain medication post-surgery outside of the same cedure usually will take an hour. Recovery is 48 hours, and then to Profound, a non-surgical treatment for tightening of the face over-the-counter remedies taken for everyday aches and pains. the patient can return to work. For transgender men with B, C and neck, arms, knees, and abdomen, to tried-and-true Botox to In my practice, breast augmentation patients typically or larger chest measurements, or in cases where loose, excess smooth away harsh lines, there are a multitude of non-surgical resume normal activities within around 48 hours, including skin is present, I may choose a more in-depth method of tissue treatments to create complete transformation. childcare, showering and reasonable job duties. Sutures dissolve and excess skin removal via scalpel, creating incisions at the One of my MTF patients, Marsha, sums up this transformaover time, and surgical tape is removed after about seven days. breast fold and around the areola. tive experience better than I could: “As a transgender woman, It is this level of rapid recovery that you should look for in a pracPain medication will be prescribed for soreness, however, life drawing model, LGBTQ advocate and a medical professional, tice, as not all are created equal, with some surgical techniques FTM top surgery patients should expect to heal at a quick, choosing a reputable provider with quality references and results resulting in healing that drags on for as long as six months. healthy pace, based on advanced and efficient surgical techis imperative. Choosing a provider who is accepting, caring and Another consideration is the type of implant used; the majorniques. In most cases, a drain will be placed on each breast to sincere seems even more important. My surgeon and his caring, ity of my augmentation patients choose the latest breakthrough collect excess fluid after surgery. These will usually be removed highly trained team prepared me for the physical aspects of surin breast augmentation innovation, the “Gummy Bear” implant, after the first week, but note a drainless procedure can be gery, and their kindness and support helped me psychologically. so called due to its natural-feeling texture. With over 100 shapes performed in others. Lots of rest and downtime is advisable for Besides the physical change (which is fantastic), the emotional and sizes available to complement any physique, the Gummy the first few days, after which transgender men can expect to be effect has changed me completely, as my inner self now sees an Bear offers proven stability and versatility that is revolutionizing back in action. Workouts, weight lifting and physical labor can be outward manifestation of my true identity.” : : breast augmentation and beyond. resumed in around two to three weeks. — Dr. Peter Capizzi s a double board-certified cosmetic surgeon who is based in Charlotte, N.C. Completing Your Transformation MTF He completed his training at Mayo Clinic. Not to be overlooked is consideration of the overall transforMany transgender women do not have sufficient levels of Visit capizzimd.com to learn more. mation, not limited to top surgery. After all, to be “feminine” or natural breast tissue to rely on hormone therapy alone in order to

Nov. 3-16. 2017

qnotes

news notes: carolinas

Triad

compiled by Lainey Millen :: qnotes staff

‘Normal’ set for staging

Charlotte Center holds symposium

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The Charlotte Center for Legal Advocacy will host a healthcare symposium, “Alternative Prescriptions: A Broader Vision of Health for the Charlotte Region,” on Nov. 15, 6:30 p.m., at the James B. Duke Auditorium at the Mint Museum Uptown, 500 S. Tryon St. Presented by Alston & Bird LLP the event will offer perspectives from an expert panel about ways to maintain and improve overall health, stability and opportunity. It will also create a discussion space for medical professionals, legal experts and concerned citizens about the ever-shifting world of healthcare. The discussion will be moderated by Pam Silberman, of the University of North Carolina Gillings School of Global Health, with a panel that includes: Dr. Alisaha Cole, Carolinas HealthCare System; Mark DeHaven, University of North Carolina at Charlotte; Brendan Riley, North Carolina Justice Center; and Doug Sea, Charlotte Center for Legal Advocacy. The event is free and open to the public. Charlotte Center for Legal Advocacy is

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Nov. 3-16 . 2017

a legal services organization that helps low-income individuals with anything from immigration issues and veterans affairs to consumer protection. In the healthcare space, they ensure access to care for those in need, and work to improve mental health and developmental disability services, care in nursing and rest homes, access to community-based care, services to the HIV-positive population and more. info: charlottelegaladvocacy.org.

Church hosts bazaar

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Metropolitan Community Church of Charlotte, 7121 Orr Rd., will hold its Fall Bazaar and Craft Show on Nov. 18, 9 a.m.-3 p.m. Included in the items for sale are unique craft items, scrap booking items, Christmas decorations, as well as food. Additionally, it is continuing its meal purchase fundraiser. From 10 a.m.-10 p.m., enjoy a lunch or dinner at City Barbeque, 8948 J.M. Keynes Dr., and tell the waitstaff that participation in the initiative is for the church and they will give the church 25 percent of the total receipts of the day. info: mymcccharlotte.org.

SALISBURY, N.C. — Lee Street Theatre, 329 N. Lee St., will bring “Next to Normal” to the stage on Nov. 2-4 and 9-11 at 7:30 p.m., as well as a matinee on Nov. 12 at 2:30 p.m. and a student rush night on Nov. 8 at 7:30 p.m. This two-act rock musical explores how one seemingly, average suburban family copes with crisis and mental illness. It centers around a mother who struggles with her worsening bipolar disorder. Tickets are $20 and are available online. info: leestreet.org.

Guilford goes Hawaiian

A block of the AIDS Memorial Quilt honoring those lost. GREENSBORO, N.C. — The Photo Credit: A2JCF via Wikimedia. CC BY-SA 3.0 license Guilford Green Foundation will hold lost to HIV/AIDS from North Carolina families its Hawaii Bingo on Nov. 10, 6 p.m., at in Charlotte, High Point, Winston-Salem and The Elm Street Center, 203 S. Elm St. Greensboro. Organizers said that there will be campy To accompany The Quilt display, Triad hula girls on hand to call numbers and entertain Health Project and the Greensboro History for the evening Museum are presenting screenings of the film, The event begins with a cabaret featur“The Last One: Unfolding the AIDS Memorial ing pictures with Hawaiian Santa, followed by Quilt,” On Nov. 17, 7 p.m., and Nov. 18, 11 a.m., bingo games. in the Mary Norris Preyer Hall Theatre at the Tickets are $15/advance, $20/at the door museum. This 2015 documentary chronicles the and $12/student with government ID. genesis of the NAMES Project AIDS Memorial info: guilfordgreenfoundation.org. Quilt and the evolution of the AIDS epidemic. Attendance is free and open to the public, Quilt comes to Triad however, reservations are required as seating GREENSBORO, N.C. — Sections of AIDS is limited. Memorial Quilt — the handmade tapestry The Red Ribbon event kicks off with regthat stands as a memorial to more than 96,000 istration and an opening ceremony followed individuals lost to AIDS — will be on view from by the run and walk. An after-party will take Nov. 16-19 at the Greensboro History Museum, place at Joymongers Brewing Company, 576 N. 130 Summit Ave. Eugene St. The display comes as part of two-educainfo: aidsquilt.org. triadhealthproject.com. tional lead up events to the 2017 Ron Johnson Red Ribbon Run & AIDS Walk which will take place on Nov. 18, 2:30 p.m., and will be hosted Triangle by Triad Health Project and The Greensboro Justice lecture scheduled History Museum. Museum hours are 10 a.m.-5 DURHAM, N.C. — Epworth United p.m., Tuesday-Saturday, and 2-5 p.m. on Methodist Church, 3002 Hope Valley Rd., will Sunday. The museum will also offer extended host a “Journeying Toward Justice” lecture on hours on Nov. 17 until 7 p.m. The display will Nov. 12 at 3 p.m. in the Fellowship Hall. include panels honoring the lives of loved ones

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Leading the event will be Malinda Maynor Lowery, Ph.D., is director of the Center for the Study of the American South at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, where she is an associate professor in the Department of History. Lowery holds an S.A. in history and literature from Harvard University, a master’s degree in documentary film production from Stanford University, and a Ph.D. in history from UNC Chapel Hill. Her previous teaching appointments include Harvard, NC State, Duke, and San Francisco State University. She is a Lumbee Indian and her research interests include Native American history, southern history, and race and identity. She will discuss her book, “Race, Identity and the Making of a Nation: Lumbee Indians in the Jim Crow South.” The lecture is free and open to the public. info: epworth-umc.org.

Church celebrates anniversary

DURHAM, N.C. — Imani Metropolitan Community Church will celebrate its 20th anniversary over the weekend of Nov. 18-19. On Nov. 18, 7 p.m., head on out for a good old-fashioned Gospel Sing featuring a number of groups and including one that performs mime.

Then on Nov. 19, a potluck dinner will follow worship services. In other news, the church is collecting blankets for the homeless and needy communities. Contact the church to learn more about this project and ways to assist in other initatives. info: imanimcc.org.

Western ALFA gets ‘uncorked’

HICKORY, N.C. — ALFA will hold its “Uncorked” wine and beer tasting silent auction on Nov. 4, 6 p.m., at 74 South at Moretz Mills, 74 8th St. S.E., #203. Enjoy tastings of a variety of red, white and sparkling wines, local craft beers, passed hors-d’oeuvres, a chef demonstration with seasonal ingredients to complement selected wine offerings and a silent auction of over 100 items from near and far, including Disney Park hopper passes and tickets to Broadway play, “Hamilton.” Live music will be provided by singer/songwriter Jessica Mashburn. Tickets are $25 and are available online at bit.ly/2iODEop. info: alfainfo.org.

news

Regional Dems hold annual convention

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The LGBTQ Democrats of North Carolina held their state convention on Oct. 14 at the Wadsworth Estate. Kicking off the event was a showing of Cindy L. Abel’s ground-breaking and award-winning documentary film “Breaking Through: Out of the Closet, Into the Halls of Power” followed by a short panel discussion with LGBTQ and allied elected officials and candidates. Panel participants were: Al Austin, former Charlotte City Council member; Mark Kleinschmidt, former Mayor of Chapel Hill, N.C.; Wendy Ella May, candidate, U.S. Congress; Christian Cano, candidate U.S. Congress; and LaWana Mayfield, current Charlotte City Council member. During the proceedings, they made changes to their Ginger Walker bylaws which included: adding queer/questioning to its name; adopted language to allow for multi-county clubs where membership rolls are low; revised language to use gender-neutral “they” pronouns; added gender expression to the diversity and inclusion section and changed the county clubs’ dues to $5 per year. Additionally, elections were held and the new President’s Council for 2017-19 are: Ginger Walker, president, Mecklenburg County; Matt Hughes, vice president, Orange County; Nattiel “Nat” Turner, secretary, Mecklenburg County; Pat Warren, treasurer, Caswell County; and Arsidez Leon, vice president of college/university outreach, Wake County. Some congressional district representatives were also elected and Walker has expressed a desire to appoint outreach coordinators from the transgender, African-American and Latinx communities. info: lgbtdemocrats.org.

Nov. 3-16. 2017

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news

news notes briefs: u.s./world compiled by Lainey Millen :: qnotes staff Scottish LGBTQ equality charity the Equality Network has welcomed the announcement that First Minister Nicola Sturgeon will make a statement of apology in the Scottish Parliament on Nov. 7 to individuals convicted in the past under Scotland’s historical discriminatory “homosexual offenses” laws. The apology coincides with the publication of a bill to give a pardon for such convictions. info: equality-network.org.

molded them into the people they are today. In a thoughtful story exchange, them invited queer people who have been bullied to face off with queer people who are former bullies themselves — provoking conversations about internalized hatred, the policing that happens within our own communities, and how we can all foster a more supportive environment for members of our queer family. info: them.us/story/queer-bullying-stories.

“Veteran Tales — Serving Without Fear — Transitioning Out of Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell” is the title of Lambda Archives of San Diego’s next installment of their Out at the Archives series. On Nov. 2, the San Diego Veterans Museum at Balboa Park hosted this event in honor of Veterans Day. info: lambdaarchives.org.

On Nov. 1 STOMP Out Bullying asked youth around the world from every corner of the web to block out their bullies, erase negative messages and create a positive, safe digital place for youth everywhere. info: stompoutbullying.org.

On Oct. 25 Kentucky Family Court Judge W. Mitchell Nance notified Gov. Matthew G. Bevin and the Commonwealth of Kentucky Judicial Conduct Commission of his resignation. In May, Lambda Legal, the American Civil Liberties Union, the ACLU of Kentucky, Kentucky’s Fairness Campaign and University of Louisville Law Professor Sam Marcosson filed a complaint against Judge Nance for violating Kentucky’s Code of Judicial Conduct by recusing himself from any adoption proceedings involving LGBTQ individuals. info: aclu-ky.org. GayRVA reported that a transgender woman was denied entry into Busch Gardens. The security guard at the popular theme park refused to allow the woman and her girlfriend, Bria Gibson, to enter the park on the basis that the woman was “wearing a costume.” info: gayrva.com. them senior editor Meredith Talusan and seven other members of the LGBTQ community, including model and musician Cory Wade, spent a day with the organization Narrative4 telling stories about their individual experiences with bullying, and how these experiences

On Oct. 12 Faith in America met with top Mormon legislator, Sen. Orrin Hatch, and lead singer of Imagine Dragons, Dan Reynolds to discuss the staggering epidemic facing LGBTQ youth across the country. The meeting centered on statistics that LGB adolescents who are highly rejected by their families during adolescence are more than eight times as likely to attempt suicide in young adulthood. During the meeting, Sen. Hatch was asked if he thought being gay was a sin. The senator responded with, “No, I don’t. How could anything that God gives you be a sin — especially something you are born with. Mormons believe in a pre-mortal existence, so if you tell gay kids they are sinners, you are saying that God made someone a sinner before they were born and that is just not right.” info: faithinamerica.org. China software creator DaddyBear asserted that its DaddyBear knows American men better. info: gaydaddybear.com. “The Untold Tales of Armistead Maupin” will be released on DVD on Dec. 5. The documentary explores the life of the namesake through his life. info: wolfevideo.com.

Kristie Overstreet, a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist who specializes in transgender issues, has developed the first course to offer certification to doctors, physician assistants, nurse practitioners, nurses, physical therapists and other professionals who work with transgender patients from a dignity perspective. Available online and onsite, the three-hour Transgender Healthcare Dignity Model Training & Certification Program has been available to providers since September. info: kristieoverstreet.com. Openly gay artist Trey Pearson, formerly the frontman of the band Everyday Sunday, will release his debut solo pop album “Love Is Love” on Nov. 17. The seven-song album is Pearson’s first major work since departing the Christian music scene. info: treypearson.com. An eight-year-old boy was murdered by his mother and her boyfriend because they thought he was gay, LGBTQ Nation reported. The boy was forced to eat cat feces and kitty litter, spoiled food and when he got sick from eating it, his own vomit. He was also bound and forced into a box for extended periods, pepper sprayed, and beaten daily, as well as being shot with a BB gun. info: lgbtqnation.com. Three young researchers are one step closer to finding a cure for HIV/AIDS thanks to a grant from amfAR, the Foundation for AIDS Research. Daniela Monaco, Ph.D., at Emory University in Atlanta, Ga.; Gabriel Ozorowski, Ph.D., at The Scripps Research Institute in San Diego, Calif.; and Jonathan Richard, Ph.D., at the Université de Montréal, Centre de Recherche du CHUM in Montreal, Canada are recipients of the Mathilde Krim Fellowships Grants in Basic Biomedical Research, a fellowship program that supports young scientists seeking innovative solutions to HIV/AIDS. info: amfar.org. Masen Davis has been named as the new Freedom for All Americans as its leader. info: freedomforallamericans.org. StartOut announced the launch of the Global LGBTQ Entrepreneur Network, powered

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Nov. 3-16 . 2017

by Citi Ventures. The Global Network empowers the LGBTQ community by connecting entrepreneurs and their business partners, investors and mentors with each other, in a safe and secure environment. info: startout.org. According to USA Today on Oct. 21, Georgia state representative and physician Betty Price, , who is married to the former Health and Human Services Secretary Tom Price, discussed the possibility of placing HIV patients in quarantine to “curtail the spread” during a legislative committee meeting. Elton John condemned her comments, saying “Rep. Betty Price’s comments about people living with HIV are horrific, discriminatory and astonishingly ill-informed. As a doctor and elected official from a state where people are still contracting HIV at an alarming rate, Mrs. Price should know better than to demonize people and perpetuate myths that stigmatize people living with HIV.” info: usatoday.com. ejaf.org. Illinois and New Mexico students received LGBTQ innovation scholarships. info: noglstp.org. On Oct. 16 Florida lawmakers filed legislation that would update the state’s Civil Rights Act of 1992 to prohibit discrimination against LGBTQ individuals. info: williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu. The Human Rights Campaign Foundation, in partnership with the Equality Federation Institute, released its sixth annual “Municipal Equality Index,” a nationwide rating system of LGBTQ inclusion in municipal law, policy and services. info: hrc.org. New Hampshire Public Radio reported on Oct. 20 that the state lifted a ban on Medicaid coverage for gender reassignment surgery. info: nhpr.org. GLBTQ Legal Advocates & Defenders (GLAD) honored The Hon. Eric H. Holder Jr., 82nd attorney general of the U.S., at its annual Spirit of Justice dinner on Oct. 27 in Boston, Mass. info: glad.org.

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life

Transgender Awareness

The A-B-Cs of the ‘T’s Transgender Awareness Week gender identity glossary by Jerry Yelton :: quest contributor

o be an ally to the T in LGBTQ, all queer, cisgender or straight allied individuals need to be aware of the everevolving lexicon used to define gender identity and expression. Though no one can define a transgender person’s identity as well as they can, remember, the responsibility to be aware lies on everyone else. This guide, brought together for Transgender Awareness Week being observed from Nov. 14-20, is a resource to ensure all are conscientious allies. (Note: This glossary intends to be wide-ranging, but does not promise to be fully encompassing. If there are any identities not included here that readers would like to tell qnotes about, be sure to email the staff at editor@goqnotes.com.)

Glossary Agender: An identity that typically involves a person who does not identify with any gender at all. Additionally, “agender” people may use the identity “genderless.” Androgynous: A form of gender expression that does not fit into typical or expected norms for masculine or feminine presentation. Bigender: An identity that typically involves someone identifying with two distinct genders at once. These genders may be man and woman, or woman and genderqueer, or any combination of genders. Cisgender: A term to define a person whose current gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth. Dead Name: A phrase that many transgender and gender nonconforming people use to refer to their names given at birth which they no longer recognize or use. Never use someone’s dead name or mention it without their explicit permission. Gender: Gender is the social construct tied to someone’s sex. At birth, many are labeled as “male,” “female,” or “intersex.” Gender is the personal, internal relationship with how one identifies with the terms used to describe identity. Gender is not necessarily related to the sex assigned at birth. Gender Binary: An outdated idea that there are only two genders: male and female. Gender Expression/Presentation: The way someone dresses, speaks, utilizes makeup, acts and interacts with the world around them makes up their gender expression. Gender expression may or may not have anything to do with gender identity. Gender Identity: An individual’s sense of being a woman, a man, or any other gender. Gender may, but does not have to, coor-

dinate with any physical or physiological aspects of a person’s body. Gender is in the mind, and it is up to an individual to describe how they identify. Gender Non-conforming: The identity that typically involves someone who identifies as a gender outside of the binary of man or woman. Some individuals take this term to identity how they present their gender in public, regardless of identity. Similar to non-binary. Gender Spectrum: A current model of gender that is inclusive of all genders in between and outside of the binary of man and woman. Genderfluid: An identity that typically involves a person who does not identify with a particular, fixed gender at any given time. One may feel more strongly as a particular gender one day, and then differently on the next day. Genderqueer: An identity that typically does not involve a rigid connection to any particular gender. Related to the widelyencompassing term “queer,” genderqueer is an identity that individuals utilize to encompass a rejection of the rigid binary of male or female. Intergender: An identity that is expressed through a combination of characteristics of more than one gender. Intersex: A person who is born with biological or physiological traits of male and female sexes, and thus exist in a space in between or outside of the categories of male and female. Non-binary: An umbrella term used to express any gender identities that are not male or female. Pan/Polygender: An identity that typically is expressed through a combination of characteristics of many and/or all genders. Sex: A person’s assigned sex is related to their body, including biological and physical aspects. Unlike gender, which exists in someone’s mind, sex is a biological component. Trans: An abbreviation for the word “transgender.” Transgender: An identity that encompasses anyone whose gender identity does not match their assigned sex at birth. Transgender people exist in a variety of expressions and individualities. Transsexual: An outdated term to describe someone who has gone through sexual reassignment/gender confirmation surgeries. Important Note: Some people personally still identify with this term, but it should never be used without the expressed permission of an individual. Many transgender individuals view this as similar to the term “transgendered,” which implies being transgender is a condition, not an identity.

Two-spirit: A Native American identity that describes an Indigenous person who fulfills multiple gender roles or expresses their gender in non-conforming ways. For these populations, a two-spirit identity is more spiritual than gender or sexuality-based, and is highly regarded in some indigenous and Native tribes.

Pronouns 101 Pronouns are the third person way in which we refer to someone else. For example, “That is her water bottle,” “He is my cousin,” or “That is their bouquet for the wedding.” To ensure comfort and respect in LGBTQ spaces, a good practice is to share pronouns verbally or with nametags to ensure others feel safe expressing their identity. If one is unable to ask someone’s pronouns, use the gender neutral “they, them, and theirs” pronouns until able to ask. A good tip is to offer one’s own pronouns when asking for someone else’s.

Transgender Exclusionary Language Some commonly used language can be pretty transgender exclusive. Here are a few tips to avoid anti-transgender pitfalls: ”All trans people are cross-dressers or drag queens.” This is another method by which gender expression and identity are confused. The way someone dresses or presents themselves has nothing to do with their identity. Asking if someone is transitioning The assumption that transgender or gender-non-conforming people have to transition implies that their internal identity as a transgender or gender non-conforming person is not enough. Avoid asking questions about someone’s transition unless they talk with others about it. Do not say “opposite sex” or “opposite gender.” This implies that there are only two genders. Instead try, “Another gender” or “A different gender.” “I can’t tell.”/”You don’t look trans.” Some transgender people are told their appearance does not seem transgender. Frequently, this comment is meant as a compliment, but it is an outdated misconception to imply that gender identity is based solely on how one presents oneself. Never say “transgendered.” Adding the “ed” to “transgender” suggests that being transgender is a condition and not an identity. Being transgender is an aspect of someone’s self, not something that happened to them. One should never assume to know everything about all transgender people. Everything is individual. : :

Figuring out what term to use for one’s identity can be a bit of a puzzle for what it means to be transgender and other gender identities and expressions.

Photo Credit: numax3d via Adobe Stock

Nov. 3-16. 2017

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Transgender Awareness

Joney Harper: advocate, biker and an intersex person North Carolinian shares journey and personal awareness story as U.S. celebrated Intersex Awarness Day on Oct. 26 and commemorates Intersex Day of Remembrance on Nov. 8 by Jerry Yelton :: qnotes contributor

oney Harper’s intersex self-discovery was born in North Carolina. And the road to finding that out was long and arduous as she traversed the landscape to becoming the person she was meant to be. Harper was born in Pennsylvania and has lived in Arkansas, North Carolina and many other places throughout her life. During her career, she has worked in IT and she once served in the military. She has also been an LGBTQ advocate and activist. Now, in her free time, she is a biker — riding her HarleyDavidson around to any and every place she can and exploring every place her bike can take her. All of is this to say, Harper has done a lot in her 52 years. In honor of the recent celebration of Intersex Awareness Day, Harper shared some stories with qnotes about her life, intersex awareness and some advice for new activists. “I was born with a condition called chimerism — it’s basically that I have two sets of chromosomes. I was my own twin, and the only issue is that I have XY/XX chromosomes. So that caused some ‘abnormalities,’ which is like one in a million births, but it runs in my favor.” She added, “My great-grandfather was like me, XY/XX.” Harper shared these details about her intersex identity to underscore that her story is only one of many different possible stories that intersex people share. Current statistics estimate anywhere from 1 in 2,000 people are intersex, making up around 1.7 percent of the U.S. population and as common as the recessive red hair gene. “There are so many different variations,” Harper said.

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“A lot of us [in the intersex and transgender communities] go through gender identity issues, but you eventually through time accept yourself, which is the most important thing. Then other people will be able to accept you. “I’m a hardcore biker,” Harper said. “I go to hardcore biker places as a woman because I no longer care what people might think of me. It’s their problem if they have a problem.” Harper also discussed meeting with local and statewide legislators and lobbying Sen. Jesse Helms. Helms represented North Carolina in the U.S. Senate from 1973 to 2003, and by the time Harper spoke with him, he had garnered a reputation as “Senator No” — notorious for voting conservatively on every bill in front of him. “Me and a couple of other people from North Carolina went to Jesse Helms’ office,” she began. “A lot of people hide the facts about themselves in front of others, but here I was, a person explaining it to [them]. And [Helms] really focused on me because I was very open about [my experiences]. I wanted him to understand what the story was, and he got it. Not that he went out there and opened transgender legislation talks, but he got it. And what it took [was] talking with him and talking with others since.” Her experience in talking to lawmakers has given Harper an opportunity to impart knowledge about how to make an impact in her community. “My advice for people is actually to get out there…to remain calm and tell your story and tell as many people as you can.” She told qnotes about the times in her life when information was kept from her about her intersex physiology and

the pain that caused her. She expressed the need for people to be honest, open and willing to tell others about who they are and how they have lived their lives. Harper embraces a continued optimism that conditions for LGBTQ people will improve despite the many hurdles left to face, including fears that the straight public might possess about those who are different from themselves. She believes legislation like Gov. Roy Cooper’s executive order on workplace discrimination “is allowing people to get used to it.” She continued by saying, “I think as that progresses, that will get more people open to us [and] that we are here.” Harper added that fear is generated by people who think “they don’t know us.” “What I’ve seen in the younger community is they are mostly getting out there, and they’re full-speed ahead and damn the torpedoes.” Harper continued with a quote from the film “Queen of the Damned.” “Come out, come out, wherever you are,” she laughed. “I think that’s more important than hiding underneath the shadows. “For years, they considered us the underground. TV shows and Emmys, and things like that did a great job of putting real gay people out there. Not that everything’s totally accurate, but this shows what people go through.” Harper is enthusiastic about social progress and believes that telling one’s story is exactly what will create passionate advocates. And, as she put it when she spoke to Sen. Helms or anyone else with whom she has come in contact, “allow people to get it.” To read more on Harper’s life and story, visit goqnotes. com/48430. : :

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Transgender Awareness

Remembering the transgender people killed in 2017 Last year was the deadliest on record, and this year is on track to top it by Jeff Taylor :: qnotes staff

❝ This year is already on track to break last year’s grim record, and two of the victims were murdered in Charlotte. ❞

ast year set a grim record for the highest number of known transgender people murdered in the U.S. This year is on track to match, or even top, it. It is likely that the numbers are even higher than reported, as misgendering by police, families and the media makes getting an accurate count challenging. As we head toward Transgender Day of Remembrance, taking place on Nov. 20, we remember those we have lost, including two trans women of color who were murdered in Charlotte, N.C. Jamie Lee Wounded Arrow Jamie Lee Wounded Arrow, 28, a Native American transgender woman who also identified as two-spirit, was killed on Jan. 1. She was found dead in her apartment in Sioux Falls, S.D. She studied social work and nursing, and was a member of the Oglala Lakota tribe.

Sioux Falls Two-Spirit and Allies released a statement mourning her death. “Our hearts are broken and we will miss her very much,” it read. Mesha Caldwell Mesha Caldwell, 41, was shot and killed on Jan. 4 in Canton, Miss. She was found alongside a rural road. Her murder is under investigation, and so far there are no suspects. Caldwell was a makeup artist and hairstylist. “She won many hair battles, and she hosted competitions in Canton for the young people, so she will be missed greatly,” her friend, Keith Dupree, said. JoJo Striker JoJo Striker, 23, was shot and killed, and

found by police on Feb. 8 in a parking garage in Toledo, Ohio. Her mother, Shanda Striker, described her as “funny and entertaining” and said everyone loved her. “I just have a plea to the community: if you know something, anything, please stand up,” she said. Striker was the seventh transgender woman reported killed in Ohio since 2013. Most, like Striker, were transgender women of color. Jaquarrius Holland Jaquarrius Holland, 18, was shot and killed on Feb. 19 during an argument in Monroe, La. Friend Chesna Littleberry said Holland was like “a little sister” to her. She added that Holland, who is said to have enjoyed fashion, hairstyling and makeup, helped her accept herself.

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Transgender deaths continued from page 11 Tiara Richmond, aka Keke Collier Tiara Richmond, also known as Keke Collier, 24, was shot and killed in Englewood, Chicago, Ill. on the morning of Feb. 21. Tragically, she was found on the same street where two other transgender women of color were killed five years ago. Brave Space Alliance executive director LaSaia Wade described her as “the life of the party” and added that she was “really loved by her family.” Chyna Dupree, aka Chyna Gibson Chyna Dupree, 31, also known as Chyna Gibson, was a nationally known performer who was famous in the pageant and ball scenes. She lived in California, but was visiting friends and family in New Orleans, La. when she was shot and killed, on Feb. 25. “She was just a really good person,” a friend said. “Everyone loved her.” Ciara McElveen Ciara McElveen, 21, was stabbed and killed in New Orleans, La. on Feb. 27. Friends described her as “a fun and loving person.” “She

was outgoing…and she had a good head on her shoulders,” one mourner said at a vigil for McElveen. “Justice needs to be served.” Alphonza Watson Alphonza Watson, 38, was shot and killed in Baltimore, Md. on March 22. Watson worked as a salesperson at an upscale retailer, where she reportedly excelled. “She was a very caring, passionate, fun person to be around, always in a talkative and playful mood,” her mother, Peggy Walker, said. She added that Watson loved gardening and cooking, and that she came out as transgender as a teenager. Chay Reed Chay Reed, 28, was shot and killed on the morning of April 21 in Miami, Fla. A friend described Reed as full of life and beloved by many. Her parents are calling on anyone with information to speak out. Kenneth or Brenda Bostick Kenneth or Brenda Bostick, 59, died on May 4 from injuries sustained during an attack on April 25, in New York, N.Y. There

have been numerous conflicting reports concerning Bostick’s identity as either a trans male or trans woman, or possibly gender queer. Initial media reports used the name Brenda, as well as female pronouns, until an individual claiming to be a social services provider who worked with Bostick made a post on Facebook saying Bostick identified as male. At that point, Bostick’s identity began being reported as a transgender male. Monica Roberts at TransGriot investigated and reported that Bostick was transgender femme. Since there remains confusion and controversy, qnotes has decided to include the full story and both names. Sherrell Faulkner Sherrell Faulkner, 46, died on May 16 in Charlotte, N.C. from injuries sustained from an attack in November of 2016. Faulkner was found beside a dumpster, and police are investigating the death as a homicide. “We are asking leaders and community members at every level to consider both the overt and underlying reasons for these killings,” Ames Simmons, Equality North Carolina’s director of transgender policy said. “We must address the root causes of violence against our community, and we cannot rest until the violence stops.” Friends and family also remembered and memorialized her with posts on social media. Police have asked anyone

with information to call Crime Stoppers at 704-334-1600 or visit their website, at charlottecrimestoppers.com. Kenne McFadden Kenne McFadden, 27, was found in the San Antonio River, Texas on April 9. Police believe she was pushed into the river, where she drowned. She has been described by friends as “charismatic and lovable,” and is said to have enjoyed singing and writing poetry. She worked at a restaurant and had just begun transitioning. Josie Barrios Josie Barrios, 28, was discovered deceased at a construction site in Ithaca, N.Y. A can of gasoline was found next to her body, and a man was arrested for her murder, as well as arson. Barrios also went by the names Kendra Adams and Kimbella Rosé. “She would take everything negative thing that people brought about her and every aspect of her personality that could be degraded and blow it back at everyone,” a friend said.

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Transgender deaths continued from page 15 Ava Le’Ray Barrin Ava Le’Ray Barrin, 17, was shot and killed in Athens, Ga. on June 25 during an altercation. She has been remembered as a “social butterfly” that was “unapologetically real” and “loved to make people laugh.” Ebony Morgan Ebony Morgan, 28, was shot and killed in Lynchburg, Va. on July 2. Police arrested Kenneth Allen Kelley Jr. on charges relating to her murder, after searching for him for several months. The Lynchburg Diversity Center and Lynchburg Transgender Alliance called Morgan’s death “a sad day for the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer community of Virginia. And a very sad day for us in Lynchburg.” TeeTee Dangerfield TeeTee Dangerfield, 32, was shot and killed on July 31 in College Park, a suburb of Atlanta, Ga. She was found outside her car, in the parking lot of the apartment complex where she lived. “She was a very sweet person, very honest, and when she

needed to speak up she spoke up,” said Nadia Taylor, a union organizer who added that Dangerfield was seen as an upcoming union leader. Gwynevere River Song Gwynevere River Song, 26, was shot and killed in Waxahachie, Texas on Aug. 12 after an altercation with an individual in their home. They identified as “femandrogyne,” as well as bisexual. “I love you so much, you are missed so much I can’t figure out how I’m going to go on,” Song’s mother, Marcy Mosher, wrote on Facebook. “I promise you I will carry out your wishes.” Kiwi Herring Kiwi Herring, 30, was shot and killed by police on Aug. 22 in St. Louis, Mo. Police responded to a call that she had stabbed her neighbor. When confronted, Herring stabbed one of the officers. Both the neighbor and police officer survived. Her relatives have said the neighbor was transphobic and had been subjecting Herring to ongoing harassment, and that the police used excessive force. She is survived by a spouse and three sons. Kashmire Redd Kashmire Redd, 28, was killed in Gates, N.Y. on Sept. 4. Redd was stabbed multiple times in his home by his partner and died at a local hospital. A friend described Redd as someone who “loved hard and just wanted to be loved.”

Ally Steinfeld Ally Steinfeld, 17, was murdered in early September, and her remains were discovered on Sept. 21, in Cabool, Mo. Steinfeld’s sister Ashleigh Boswell described her as “a very loving, outgoing person.” Actress Patricia Arquette, who had a transgender sister, Alexis, who passed away last year, was one of the donors to a GoFundMe to cover funeral expenses. “This donation is in honor of Ally,” Arquette wrote. “Who was brave enough to live her truth in a very ignorant world.” Stephanie Montez Stephanie Montez, 47, was killed near Robstown, Texas. Officers initially misgendered Montez and found her body with multiple gunshot wounds on Oct. 21. They are continuing to investigation her murder. She used to like to dance, her friend, Brittany Ramirez, said. “She really enjoyed life. She was one of the sweetest people you’ll ever meet.” The Corpus Christi Chapter of PFLAG is holding a Trans Rights Rally on Nov. 4, at 2 p.m. outside the federal courthouse in Corpus Christi. Every year we also lose countless numbers of transgender, and gender nonconforming and non-binary people to suicide, which disproportionately impacts the community. For those experiencing suicidal thoughts, or who are considering self-harm, reach out to a local LGBTQ support services organization, such as Time Out Youth, Center Genderlines or Transcend Charlotte, or call the Trans Lifelife at 877-565-8860. Those ages 24 and younger can also call the Trevor Project Lifelife at 866-488-7386, or text “Trevor” to 202-304-1200. : :

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Derricka Banner Derricka Banner, 26, was shot and killed in a car in Charlotte, N.C. on the morning of Sept. 12. The murder occurred ahead of Charlotte hosting NC Trans Pride, where Banner was among those honored. An 18-year-old man was charged for her murder. Friends described Banner as an upbeat, “gogetter” with a positive outlook on life.

Scout Schultz Scout Schultz, 21, was shot and killed by Georgia Tech campus police. The student, who identified as nonbinary, can be seen on video approaching officers while asking them to shoot. Schultz was holding a closed pocketknife. It has been revealed that the officer who shot them had not received recommended, although not mandatory, crisis intervention training. The GT Progressive Student Alliance called Schultz “an incredible, inspirational member of our community and a constant fighter for human rights.”

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Legal Eagles

LGBTQ parental rights in a post Obergefell world Child’s welfare in custody cases challenging, but workable by Milan Pham and Sharon Thompson :: guest contributors

f the charming children’s book “Are you my mother?” were remade as a modern Grimm’s fairytale for LGBTQ parents, it might be named “Are you a mother?” to acknowledge the prolonged struggle of nongenetic, LGBTQ parents to be recognized and to exercise rights to parent their children. While North Carolina has not been a forerunner nationally in the protection or advancement of LGBTQ parents’ rights, we have slowly and steadily been moving toward recognizing non-genetic parent rights. In October the North Carolina Court of Appeals added another case to its repertoire of cases in support of non-genetic, LGBTQ parents. In Moriggia v. Castelo, the court reaffirmed a non-genetic parent’s standing to maintain a custody lawsuit against a genetic parent. The legal decision in this case is a cause for celebration because it indicates a move toward honoring the intentions of people who seek to become parents. In this case, the court reiterated its earlier position that an individual who is not genetically related to a child nonetheless has the right to sue a genetic parent for custody under certain circumstances when the genetic parent acts “inconsistently with their constitutionally protected rights.” Through a series of cases culminating in Moriggia, the court describes behaviors exhibited by genetic parents which evidence an intent to create a cohesive family unit wherein the non-genetic party was intended to act as a parent and did act as a parent. Additionally, the court has made clear that all behaviors before and after the birth of a child are pertinent to the assessment of whether or not a parent has acted in a matter inconsistent with her exclusive right to parent. The court also made clear that the genetic parent’s intention to create a family unit with a non-genetic parent has significant weight even if the genetic parent later changes her mind about her desire to co-parent. Finally, the court stated that a party seeking custody does not need to marry a genetic parent or adopt a

Establishing parentage and parental rights is critical when it comes to the welfare of a child for same-sex couples in a post-Obergefell legal landscape. Photo Credit: dglimages via Adobe Stock

child to whom they are not genetically related in order to maintain a custody claim. Moriggia is a solid decision and favorable toward non-genetic parents with regards to custody claims.However, it falls short of providing the non-genetic party or the child the protection of legal parentage. Even though the non-genetic mother in this case will now get to show that she has some custodial rights to the child she has been raising, these are only custodial rights and she will still not be a legal parent to this child. Even the most favorable custody decision cannot confer the protections of legal parenthood on a child. Rights such as the right to inherit if a parent dies intestate, the right to claim a social security survivor’s benefit and the right to have the financial support of a parent cannot be ordered by a court in a cus-

tody hearing involving a non-legal parent. Although the court did not require the parties to have taken actions such as getting married, adopting or being on the birth certificate, this may certainly change in the future now that same-sex couples have the right to marry in North Carolina. We are already seeing cases in other states where failure to take these actions has been considered . If you want to protect your relationship with your non-genetic child and become their legal parent, these are some steps you can now take in North Carolina: • Get married before the birth of any children. • Be clear with any fertility clinic or other medical provider that you are a couple choosing to have a child together. Sign all forms as a couple and never sign as a donor/surrogate for your partner/spouse.

• List both of you on a birth certificate. As long as you are married, North Carolina will list both of you on any birth certificate, and if you encounter any problems, seek legal advice before completing any forms. • Complete a stepparent adoption. Yes, it may seem unfair, but current parentage law in our state is primarily based on biology and without a biological/genetic connection to a child, you will have a tougher time establishing your parental rights. • Talk with a lawyer about other documents such as donor/parenting agreements, powers of attorney and wills. Unfortunately, Moriggia evidences, yet again, that despite our best intentions as a community, people in difficult moments will advance individual arguments that are potentially detrimental to the LGBTQ community at large. While adoption is not necessary to maintain a custody case, it remains the gold standard when it comes to securing the legal rights of parents and children. Adoptive parents have constitutionally-protected rights to parent their children. Any attempts to terminate those rights are subject to the highest legal standard, and the adoptive parent has a right to counsel provided by the state to defend their right to parent. Adoption is portable and an adoption granted by North Carolina is valid in every state and must be recognized pursuant to the United States Constitution. Fortunately, thanks to marriage equality, adoption is available for married, same-sex couples. For your children’s well-being and emotional development, honor the commitments you have made in creating a family if you separate. It may be appropriate to ask for more custody for various reasons, but respect the decisions you made in creating a family. Despite how difficult it might be as you go through a separation, don’t deny the bond your child has with his or her other parent and how children can benefit and thrive with love from both of you. : : — Milan Pham and Sharon Thompson are attorneys with NicholsonPham PLLC in Durham, N.C. Visit nicholsonpham.com to learn more.

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Nov. 3-16 . 2017

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health and wellness by Jack Kirven :: personal trainer, qnotes contributor

Innercise: Rest and Recovery Learn to value and prioritize self-care for improved wellbeing

have developed persistent lateral epicondylitis. Popularly called “tennis elbow,” it’s a painful form of repetitive use injury I should have done more to avoid (especially since I already had medial epicondylitis — golfer’s elbow — a couple years ago). I had been adhering to a very intense lifting regimen for 12 weeks, and around week 10 I began having worsening symptoms. And what did I do? I kept ego lifting, ignored the pain, congratulated myself for being so dedicated, and utterly neglected the process of warming up and cooling down. It’s as if I were a teenager turning my nose up at sound advice from my father. I knew what to do to mitigate this, and I didn’t do it. Just to be stubborn, I guess? Why? Because, like many people who exercise, I prefer to spend the majority of my training time under tension. Practically no one I can think of puts aside enough time for appropriate warm ups, and even fewer stay after to properly stretch down. Jogging for 10 minutes on a treadmill does not warm you up to do biceps curls. A few absentminded arm circles after is not the appropriate cool down for a back workout. So, why is that I (someone who knows better) and so many others neglect this critical part of fitness? I don’t have any data to support the assertion I’m about to make, but I feel it’s

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Nov. 3-16 . 2017

something like this: “My time is already too short and precious to dedicate all my attention to this in the first place,” combined with, “I’m not as important as other stuff, so my time for me is diminished.” I get it: There are all sorts of “important” projects and “important” distractions. There are also self-esteem issues at work here. Why self-esteem? I sense (and I could be wrong) that most of us don’t actually prioritize ourselves very well. We might be slightly narcissistic in general, but that doesn’t mean we actually do a good job of putting ourselves first in a healthful manner. We seem to act as if taking care of ourselves is not as important as taking care of our jobs, taking care of other people and taking care of chores and errands. But if you don’t take care of number one, how can you take care of anything else? With that in mind, I need to show the patience and discipline required to use five minutes at the top and bottom of my exercise hour and dedicate it to caring for the body I continuously run through various wringers. And this component of recovery is connected to a broader practice of rest that so many of us neglect. In exercise, one of the critical components of fitness is recovery. But recovery shouldn’t be limited only to seconds between reps, minutes between sets and days between sessions. It

shouldn’t be limited to sufficient sleep (which most people, including myself, don’t get). The concept of fitness recovery should extend to maintenance as well. I cannot stress enough how helpful massage, acupuncture, Rolfing, chiropractics and meditation can be as practices to facilitate your progress and encourage gains toward your goals. When you exert yourself in new ways or to new degrees of intensity, you are not training only your muscles, bones and connective tissues. You are also Stretching before a workout is essential for proper health and training your nervous system. The wellness when it comes to a pre-exercise warm up. stresses and injuries your body Photo Credit: baranq via Adobe Stock has to heal are not limited to your sage three times a week (although that does aching feet or exhausted triceps. Your brain, sound awesome), but I do advocate giving your spine and peripheral nerves have to evolve entire system the care it needs to recover. and rehabilitate themselves as well. Growing Take your vacation time. Lots of people is exhausting, hungry work. Hydrate yourself, don’t have it, so I’m kinda angry at you for being feed yourself and treat yourself. too neglectful of yourself to escape when you Invest in the modalities of therapy. They can. Go to Costa Rica for me — I promise you’ll are not extraneous wastes of time or luxuries love it! #PuraVida that eat up your money. They are an integral Have a spa day. Get your nails done. Do part of your fitness and wellness process. I’m whatever you can, as often as you can, to not saying you have to get a 90-minute massoothe not only your body, but also your mind. Get your stress down, delight yourself, reduce your cortisol and adrenaline levels. That junk totally undermines your health. Pamper yourself as much as you would pamper the person/ people you’re courting romantically. However you do it, take the time to understand and appreciate that you are deserving of rest, recovery, relaxation, and reward. Express your self-esteem with warm ups and cool downs, cute clothes that show off your new shape and full nights of sleep. All this together is a practice of self-care that will give you the energy you need to excel and thrive in your other endeavors. Also, tell your boss I said you deserve a raise and an extra two weeks off. : : info: Jack Kirven completed the MFA in Dance at UCLA, and earned certification as a personal trainer through NASM. His wellness philosophy is founded upon integrated lifestyles as opposed to isolated workouts. Visit him at jackkirven.com and INTEGRE8Twellness.com.

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hopefully, what’s left is a happy couple.

tell trinity by Trinity :: qnotes contributor :: trinity@telltrinity.com

Oh God! He wants an open relationship Dearest Trinity, My lover wants to try an open relationship. What does that exactly mean? Not Open, Boston, MA Dearest Not Open, When one or both persons in a relationship want permission to be pigs — I mean sleep with other people — then that’s an “open relationship.” It does not mean you no longer have sex together; it means one or both of you are too old or too selfish to control your hormones. It may also mean bringing a third person home for a threeway. It is not cheating or an extramarital affair because it’s not a secret. If it were, it wouldn’t be called “open.” It’s also more common amongst gay couples. Sometimes, pumpkin, it works well and sometimes…it just turns a dry martini sour. Hey Trinity, I lost my job, the rent went up and I’m getting older. Yes, I should have bought a home years ago, stayed with my last lover and saved more money, but life just stinks right now! Fed Up, Washington, DC Hey Fed Up, When something bad is happening, it’s nearly impossible to remember those less fortunate

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or your own less-fortunate times. But, honey, there will always be bad times and good times, as well as people with much less and much more. Remember, there once was a man who cried because he had no shoes until he met a man who had no feet. (Lamenting about your woes can serve no purpose except to prevent you from winning at life — and getting an Oscar, as depicted in my cartoon. Look at life as a glass half-filled instead of half-empty and see the best that the world has to offer, including your winning smile.) Dear Trinity, My girlfriend always wants to talk about our problems. I’m not used to talking about everything. She’s had therapy and I haven’t. How do I get her to appreciate me, more silently? Less Is More, Baton Rouge, LA Dear Less Is More, Yes, listening to someone constantly expressing themselves can be hell, at least that’s what my last boyfriend said. However, she’s trying, and that’s to be applauded. So, sweetie, instead of trying to shut her trap, let’s try opening yours by telling her what bothers you. Express yourself so much that she’ll see what she’s like. Then once you’ve both talked each other to death,

Hello Trinity, I didn’t want to believe it, but recently I caught my roommate/ex-lover stealing money from me. But, he denies it. Now what should I do? Robbed, Montreal, QC Hello Robbed, Living with someone who is stealing from you is the worst, even worse when it’s your ex. But remember, people who steal are not dangerous criminals, they are petty criminals who can’t ask for what they need. So, darling, don’t start fearing for your life, rather start reading: Trinity’s Smart Tips For When Someone You Live With Is Stealing From You. If You’re Not Sure: 1. C ount your money twice daily, and write it down so you’re sure you didn’t miscount it (again) and you’re not going crazy. 2. Count it again every time someone comes near it, and then write an account of the situation to rule out suspects. 3. K eep that information away from your money. 4. Tell someone you trust so you have a witness. 5. Do activities that ease your mind about it so you don’t get depressed or obsessed. Once You’re Sure: 6. Get a new lock on the door where your money is kept. 7. Confront the thief, tell the story of how you’ve been counting your money and

know who it is. End with, “I’m not asking if you did it. I know you did. I want to talk about paying it back.” 8. “You could have borrowed it!” is another approach. 9. “ It wasn’t me!” is a song by the singer Shaggy, and has been sung by criminals throughout time. Get ready to hear it again. 10. Lastly, minimize your losses if they don’t confess. Life’s lessons often cost a little, so accept it and move out pronto. info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

Nov. 3-16. 2017

qnotes

EVENTS

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November-December 2017 EpicFest Family Festival ImaginOn: The Joe & Joan Martin Center 300 E.. 7th St., Charlotte 10 a.m.-4 p.m. EpicFest brings together readers, writers and illustrators for a family friendly event for all ages. This year’s event will feature a special performance by Eric Litwin, The New York Times bestselling author of the original “Pete the Cat” series. An evening event will also be held just for teens at UNC Charlotte’s Center City location, at 320 E. 9th St. More information is available on this free event online. foundation.cmlibrary.org.

Comic Girl Coffee & Books Grand Opening 516 E. 15th St., Charlotte 8 a.m.-10 p.m.

You can submit your event to our comprehensive community calendar presented by qnotes, the Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce and Visit Gay Charlotte. Submit your event at goqnotes.com/eventsubmit/ and get a three-for-one entry. All Charlotte-area events will appear on each of the three calendars at qnotes (goqnotes. com), Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce (clgbtcc.org) and Visit Gay Charlotte (visitgaycharlotte.com). XOXO Presents ‘All the Dogs and Horses — A Psychedelic Western’ Gettys Art Center 201 E. Main St., Rock Hill 7:30-10:30 p.m.

Continues through Nov. 27 SEP NOV MO ‘The Sound of Music’ Belk Theater at Blumenthal Performing Arts 130 N. Tryon St., Charlotte Times vary CharlotteA new production of the beloved story based of Maria and the experimental von Trapp Family, performance “The Sound of The Comic Girl Coffee & Books, owned ensemble Music” swings through Charlotte with and operated by transgender activXOXO presa brand new production. The critiist Lara Americo, celebrates its grand ents a “psychedelic western that pulls cally acclaimed and massively popular opening. Local musicians Audrey Ayers the rug out from under the myth of the (of the band The Mineral Girls), JoRa, American West,” the group says. “Part musical, featuring its Tony, Grammy and Academy Award winning score, will deNigel Hood, and Juan Hoozy, with a ‘Pee-Wee’s Playhouse.’ Part ‘Blood light audiences of all ages. Tickets and drag performance by EevèE Rubii Jonez. Meridian.’ Part ‘Peyote Ritual.’ ‘Dogs/ More information is available online. Horses’ is going to pull your brain apart more information are available online. facebook.com/events/317580318717482. and you will be glad.” Tickets cost $13.65 blumenthalarts.org. and are available online. –––––––––––––––––––– Continues through Dec. 3 facebook.com/events/337850710018380. ‘Travis Wall’s Shaping SEP DEC MO Gay Bingo SEP NOV MO Fourth Ward Holiday Sound: Grady Cole Center Home Tour After the Curtain’ Carolinas’ Transgender 310 N. Kings Dr., Charlotte SEP NOV MO 9th and Poplar Sts., Charlotte Knight Theater at Levine Appreciation Luncheon 6:30 p.m. Times vary Center for the Arts Parkway UCC Winston-Salem RAIN’s The 40th an430 S. Tryon St., Charlotte 2151 Silas Pkwy., Gay Bingo niversary of the 7:30 p.m. Winston-Salem returns, with Fourth Ward Emmy Award winning choreographer 1-5 p.m. the theme Holiday Home Travis Wall (“So You Think You Can A first annual awards ceremony, with “Phantom of Tour is approaching. The walkable, Dance”) has already produced one proceeds going to assist The LBGthe Bingo.” self-guided tour includes admission to critically acclaimed show with his group Barbara Burning Bush and her 20 Transgender Stabilty Assistance Project Shaping Sound (”Dance Reimagined”). Bingo-Verifying Divas will bring their Inc., will honor individuals in the Carolinas a variety of private homes in historic Fourth Ward, decorated and decked out He returns with Shaping Sound for a talents to the stage, performing choreo- who have “assisted, empowered, for the holidays. Homes will be open for new show, “After the Curtain.” It tells encouraged, and enhanced” the lives of graphed musical numbers throughout the story of a man fighting to find his trans people. Entertainment, guest speak- touring on the following dates and times: the show. Reserved tables for 10 in Dec. 1 and Dec. 2 from 5-9 p.m., and creative voice after the death of his one the back are available for $400 each. ers, and more await attendees. More Dec. 3 from 1-5 p.m. “Tour guests also true love. Tickets range from $55-$90 information is available online. General admission tickets at $35 each will receive: complimentary horse and and are available online. facebook.com/events/215808548957730. are for balcony seating. Tickets are carriage rides throughout the neighborblumenthalarts.org. available online and parking is $5 per hood; food & beverage samplings (while car. More information and tickets are they last); and tasty treats from selected available online. The official Gay Bingo Center City restaurants,” organizers said. after-party will be held at Bar at 316 at Tickets cost $35 and are good for any 316 Rensselaer Ave. day of the tour, and are available online. gaybingocharlotte.org. fofw.org/holidayhometour.

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Nov. 3-16 . 2017

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‘Night at the Nutcracker’ Blumenthal Performing Arts Center 130 N. Tryon St., Charlotte 6 p.m.

Join the Charlotte Symphony Orchestra and the dancers of the Charlotte Ballet for a party and sneak preview performance of snippets of Jean-Pierre Bonnefoux’s “Nutcracker” in Belk Theater, before it premieres to the public. The party will take place in Founders Hall, where guests will enjoy food and drinks, as well as a silent auction and activities for children. Tickets cost $100. More information is available online. blumenthalarts.org. Twirl to the World SEP DEC MO Flight 314 N. College St., Charlotte 9 p.m.-2:15 a.m. The 9th annual Twirl to the World Holiday Party and Fundraiser will take place at Flight Beer and Music Hall this year to raise money for local charities. Since 2009, the events have collected over 3,000 stuffed animals and toys for area children and donated over $55,000 to local charities, organizers said. More information is available online. facebook.com/events/519465048392334.

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life

Our People:

Q&A with Blaine Paxton Hall ‘Trans-gifted’ scientist and author shares trials and victories by Maria Dominguez :: qnotes contributor What was your most decisive moment in confirmation of your identity? In 1983, I was accepted into MENSA, the high IQ society…Even though I knew I had a superior intelligence, being accepted into MENSA was very sobering. I was 30 years old at the time; and I was motivated to “get my shit together,” and pursue gender transition, which I did. Somewhere I got the gumption to realize that even though my parents and the children’s home had wasted my intelligence; I was not going to waste myself.

Photo Credit: Duke University

espite the troubles that transgender youth still face today, they can look with hope upon Blaine Paxton Hall. Born to mentally ill, “and wholly unfit, negligent parents” and raised in the Woodstock Children’s Home in Illinois, Hall has had a life that he says, “greatly transcends my trans experience.” Now, Hall’s 26-year career as a physician assistant has endured at Duke Hospitals for more than 20 years. Also serving as an adjunct associate professor at Duke University, Hall resides in Fearrington Village, N.C., where he purchased his first home in 2010 and paid it off in about seven-and-a-half years. Naming the home “Hestia’s House” after the Greek goddess of the hearth, Hall published a literary memoir with the overarching theme of home in 2003. Find out more about Hall’s life and work at blainepaxtonhall.com and hestiashouse.com. How did your childhood influence the path you chose for your career? My father had what they used to call in the old days “grand mal epilepsy.” I was the one designated to take care of him. I worked in a nursing home all through high school. From a very young age, I was exposed to some severe physical realities of life, and I was a natural at the bedside. I was acutely aware that my parents were absolutely not able to care for me; I remember being terrified most all my life with this knowledge. So, I was painfully aware that I would have to take care of myself. To be very honest, if I would have had parental support, no worry for finances and no pressure to hurry and get through school so that I could get out and support myself, I would have pursued a Ph.D in math and/or theoretical physics. Would you say that you’re driven by a curious nature? Yes, I have always been driven, in part (not exclusively) by a curious nature. I want to know the truth.

As you follow man’s exploration of space, do you have any suspicions about what scientists will discover about the universe? In thinking about the universe, space exploration, travel and colonization, there are numerous unsolved mysteries and unanswered questions. Perhaps the most longstanding is the search for a “unified field theory” as Einstein called it, or more colloquially “The Theory of Everything.” This is envisioned to be an elegant equation which reconciles the seemingly incompatible forces of nature. Are there any advocacy issues that you’re passionate about and/or involved with? My life has demonstrated that I am passionate about education of healthcare providers. As I am a healthcare provider, just being out in the medical profession is part of what I mean by educating. If healthcare providers can just know about me and my life, they could learn a lot, and probably have some cognitive dissonance along the way. There is too much “we-they” in the healthcare profession…I am a “they” person. I was abused and neglected as a child. Additionally, I am a person who underwent gender transition 34 years ago (before the World Wide Web). Historically “they” persons with this horrific life experience could never possibly “turn out okay.” I am a speaker, educator, writer and consultant. My mission has been focused on educating healthcare providers, because the best way that I can advocate and help trans persons, is to educate healthcare providers… as a scientist, I see transsexualism/transgenderism as simply a normal variant. And I believe that transsexualism doesn’t just demonstrated that gender identity and sexual expression occur on a broad continuum, but much more, and in the context of evolution, transsexualism demonstrates that the human species is adaptable, versatile and resilient. If you won an all-expenses-paid vacation to your choice of destination, where would you go? I would hands-down choose to fly to Geneva and tour the CERN laboratory. This is the international particle physics labs which found the Higgs boson. From there I would traintour all over Switzerland and visit all the cultural areas including Italy, Germany and France. : :

Nov. 3-16. 2017

qnotes

Nov. 3-16 . 2017