QNotes, Nov. 7-20, 2014

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Holiday2014 Guide

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arts. entertainment. news. views.

Spike in transgender murders makes for more somber National Transgender Day of Remembrance on Nov. 21.

10 holiday guide

12 Unique gifts bring smiles 15 Local shopping 16 Annual events, outings

news & features 5 6 6 10 10

News Notes: Regional Briefs LGBT community pioneer Don King dies Community shares King memories, condolences Transgender Day of Remembrance News Notes: U.S./World Briefs

a&e / life&style 8 9 17 20 20 22 23

Event to raise funds Gray to receive humanitarian award Playing the Field Jane’s World Tell Trinity Q Events Calendar Our People: Spc. Elvis Wentzel

opinions & views

4 Editor’s Note 4 Guest Commentary

Errata A photograph of Tia Douglas was mistakenly absent a proper photo credit in the column “Dishing with Buff Faye,” Oct. 24, 2014, page 19.

The photo is credited to Tommy Feldman and Aaron Malachi. We regret the error.

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qnotes connect Nov. 7-20, 2014 Vol 29 No 14

arts. entertainment. news. views. goqnotes.com twitter.com/qnotescarolinas facebook.com/qnotescarolinas

contributors this issue Chris Brooks, Paige Braddock, Matt Comer, Jon Hoppel, Lainey Millen, Jeff Taylor, Trinity

front page Graphic Design by Lainey Millen Mission:

The focus of QNotes is to serve the LGBT and straight ally communities of the Charlotte region, North Carolina and beyond, by featuring arts, entertainment, news and views content in print and online that directly enlightens, informs and engages the readers about LGBT life and social justice issues.

Pride Publishing & Typesetting, Inc., dba QNotes P.O. Box 221841, Charlotte, NC 28222 ph 704.531.9988 fx 704.531.1361 Publisher: Jim Yarbrough Sales: x201 adsales@goqnotes.com Nat’l Sales: Rivendell Media, ph 212.242.6863 Editor: Matt Comer, x202 editor@goqnotes.com Production: Lainey Millen, x205 production@goqnotes.com Printed on recycled paper.

Material in qnotes is copyrighted by Pride Publishing & Typesetting © 2014 and may not be reproduced in any manner without written consent of the editor or publisher. Advertisers assume full responsibility — and therefore, all liability — for securing reprint permission for copyrighted text, photographs and illustrations or trademarks published in their ads. The sexual orientation of advertisers, photographers, writers, cartoonists we publish is neither inferred nor implied. The appearance of names or photographs does not indicate the subject’s sexual orientation. qnotes nor its publisher assumes liability for typographical error or omission, beyond offering to run a correction. Official editorial positions are expressed in staff editorials and editorial notations and are determined by editorial staff. The opinions of contributing writers and guest columnists do not necessarily represent the opinions of qnotes or its staff. qnotes accepts unsolicited editorial, but cannot take responsibility for its return. Editor reserves the right to accept and reject material as well as edit for clarity, brevity.

charlotteobserver.com/1166/ a local news partner of The Charlotte Observer

upcoming issues: 11.21.14: Life, Positively Advertising Space Deadline: Nov. 12 12.05.14: InFocus: Non-Profits/Faith Events Advertising Space Deadline: Nov. 26

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editor’s note

by Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com

Don King: a humble man, fondly remembered Don King was a humble man. Sometimes, I think, too humble considering the immense work and contributions he gave to Charlotte and its LGBT community.

In 2012, King — and that trademark humility of his — left yet another mark on our community. He asked that the annual community service awards which had been named in his honor for nearly two decades be renamed. The Charlotte Business Guild, keeper of the awards since 2004, obliged.

Yet, Don’s legacy — all of his community work, his kindness and, above all, his courage — will live on in other ways as community members pause in remembrance after his passing on Thursday, Oct. 29. He was 72.

Don came to Charlotte in the 1970s. It was a move prompted by fear. In 1967, Don had been married. Four years later, when he was 29, he and his wife separated and Don became close to a mutual friend.

Just last year, Don told me the story in a feature on gay life in the 1970s (goqnotes.com/20730/): ————————— “At the time, I was living in Durham,” he says. “My first occasion to go to a gay bar was with a man who worked in a wig shop just a block across the street from the newspaper in Durham that I worked at the time. I knew this wig shop because of one my fellow sports writers, his wife worked there.”

King says he and the man became close after he attended a party at King’s home.

“He was invited over to a party I had at my house that included primarily straight folks, but he came with the wife of this other sports writer,” he recounts. “I took him back home and we must have sat in front of his house and talked for two hours. He was the first gay man I ever really had a decent conversation with.”

Eventually, he and the man visited a gay bar in Chapel Hill, King’s first outing to such a bar.

“It was such a fine experience,” King says. “And, in the meantime, he and I had had sex. He was the first guy I’d ever had real sex with. Once my wife and I separated and I had sex with this guy, I realized where I truly belonged.”

Despite King’s newfound sense of acceptance, fears still abounded.

“At the newspaper, I never came out to anybody,” King says, noting most of his friends at the time were never out, either. “Being openly gay

was rare, in my experience, especially in mainstream employment.”

————————— After a co-worker once noticed his car parked at the home of the wig shop employee, Don decided to move. At the time, Don told us it was out of self-preservation.

Charlotte is lucky, in a sense, that Don felt that tinge of fear in Durham.

Without it, Don might not have moved here. And, without Don, Charlotte’s LGBT community might not have ever been the same.

Don wasn’t the only openly gay leader in Charlotte’s early LGBT community, but he was most certainly among the most outspoken and the most visionary. He helped begin early LGBT support and social groups and strategized on community visibility and “public relations,” as he often wrote in early issues of this newspaper.

His role as an employee at The Charlotte Observer also placed him in a unique position, where he could guide his colleagues and his fellow community members in crafting more positive media portrayals of the LGBT community.

I had occasion to meet Don soon after I moved to Charlotte. I was a 21-year-old youth hired to take on the role Don had first helmed when I was just four months old. I was anxious to meet the man who’d had such a hand in the early history of the newspaper for which I now so gratefully and excitedly worked. Don’s smile was contagious. His knowledge of community history and LGBT issues unparalleled.

I learned a lot from Don and am grateful for every chance I had to speak and meet with him. The last time I did was in the spring. We sat and ate lunch at the Landmark diner, discussing old community history as I interviewed him for his thoughts and experiences. His smile and generous personality were as strong as ever — despite his diagnosis for pancreatic cancer two years ago.

I will miss my chats with Don, but I’ll hold on fast to what I learned from him.

And this newspaper, his own personal archives, the lives he touched across the community, the memories others will cherish — they’ll all serve as lasting memorials to a man who came out at the right time and the right place in history to make changes for generations to come.

Don would never have been one to ask for praise or recognition. In fact, many of the early articles in qnotes, which he undoubtedly wrote, are unsigned. He might silently balk at the amount of space the newspaper is devoting to him in this print edition. But, if he were here, he’d be as gracious as ever, with a big smile and a deeply sincere and hearty thank you. : :

guest commentary

by Chris Brooks :: guest contributor

Marriage equality is here to stay in North Carolina On Oct. 10 and Oct. 14, two federal judges — one appointed by a Democratic president, one appointed by a Republican president — handed down rulings that declared North Carolina’s ban on marriage for same-sex couples to be unconstitutional. The decisions by U.S. District Judge Max Cogburn and U.S. District Judge William Osteen, Jr., respectively, were the latest in a long and still growing series of federal court rulings to agree that state bans on marriage for same-sex couples violate those couples’ constitutional rights to due process and equal protection under the law.

News that the state’s discriminatory marriage ban had been struck down ushered in celebrations, tears of joy and hundreds of wedding ceremonies across the state. For thousands of North Carolina families headed by same-sex couples, the dignity and legal security that comes from now having the freedom to marry the person the love in the state they call home is nothing short of life-changing.

In the words of High Point resident Ellen “Lennie” Gerber, who has been in a committed relationship with her spouse, Pearl Berlin, for 48 years, “Our joy and excitement are boundless.” Lennie and Pearl were lead plaintiffs in one of the court cases challenging North Carolina’s marriage ban.

The freedom to marry allows same-sex couples to extend the legal protections that come with marriage to their families. Health insurance coverage can be extended to spouses and children. Spouses can make health care decisions for one another, as well as their kids, in emergencies.

And, in stark contrast to the law under North Carolina’s marriage ban, both same-sex spouses can form a legal relationship with their children through the step-parent adoption process. No longer will these families have to

live with the unimaginable fear that, had something tragic happened to the legally recognized parent, a child could have been taken from the only home they have ever known.

Gov. Pat McCrory has promised to honor the freedom to marry as the law of the land in North Carolina. Unfortunately, House Speaker Thom Tillis and Senate President Pro Tempore Phil Berger are seeking to un-ring these wedding bells by appealing the rulings. Setting aside the fact that doing so would harm countless families throughout North Carolina, these appeals are frivolous as a matter of law and will result in nothing more than an unnecessary waste of precious taxpayer dollars. The Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals — which governs North Carolina’s federal courts — has already struck down Virginia’s “indistinguishable” marriage ban and the U.S. Supreme Court on Oct. 6 declined to review that ruling. The courts have spoken with near unanimity in striking down state marriage bans across the country as they rush to catch up to public opinion, which has moved decisively in favor of the freedom to marry in recent years.

Ultimately, same-sex couples want to marry for the same reasons that everyone else does: to make a public declaration of their love and commitment to each other and to provide legal and financial security for their families. North Carolina lives up to its best traditions when we honor these couples’ commitment to one another. Regardless of our legislature’s misguided appeals, North Carolinians can rest assured: the freedom to marry is here to stay. : : — Chris Brook is the legal director of the American Civil Liberties Unions of North Carolina. This commentary was provided by NC Policy Watch’s Progressive Voices Commentaries.

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news

news notes: carolinas compiled by Lainey Millen & Matt Comer

Charlotte Guild gala to present awards

CHARLOTTE — The Charlotte Business Guild will host its “Giving Gala” on Nov. 8, 6:30 p.m., at Label, 900 NC Music Factory Blvd. A cocktail hour will be followed by dinner and awards at 7:30 p.m.

The group, which bills itself Charlotte’s LGBT chamber of commerce, will present its annual awards during the event to the following recipients: Professional of the Year, Sarah Demarest and Kelly Durden; Teresa L. Davis Lifetime Achievement Award, Frank Kalian; Entrepreneur of the Year, Sarah Kelley; Corporation of the Year, Fifth Third Bank; and Bridge Builder, Mecklenburg County Commissioner Pat Cotham.

The guild’s annual awards have a long history. Originally called the Community Service Award, the first honor was presented by a Charlotte Pride organizing committee in 1993 to Don King, a long-time Charlotte Observer employee and community advocate. The awards were renamed in his honor in 1994.

Emceeing the event is Jessica Milicevic, a local TV news reporter. Special guests include Equality North Carolina Executive Director Chris Sgro and Charlotte City Councilwoman LaWana Mayfield.

Tickets begin at $70 for members and $85 for non-members and are available online. info: charlottebusinessguild.org — M.C.

Networking meeting slated

CHARLOTTE — A Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA) Network meeting will be held on Nov.19, 6:30 p.m.,at Time Out Youth Center, 2320 N. Davidson St. The “GSA Show & Tell” will bring in members from schools the Charlotte region to share programming and events that they are implementing in their schools. Plus, participants will share their successful strategies for increasing club membership and visibility, as well as ways that they collaborate with other student clubs and make an impact within their communities.

Pizza, drinks and snacks will be provided. info: timeoutyouth.org. trosendahl@timeoutyouth.org.

— L.M.

Book tour to hit Queen City

CHARLOTTE — Everyone Is Gay, which works to improve the lives of LGBT youth will bring its tour to Park Road Books, Park Road Shopping Center, 4139 Park Rd., on Dec. 2 at 7 p.m.

Co-founders Dannielle Owens-Reid and Kristin Russo will engage the community, share stories from their book, “This Is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids,” and spearhead conversations about LGBT youth, parenting, etc. It is part of the work through The Parents Project, initiated by them.

Also joining the book authors will be Vivek Shraya who penned “God Loves Hair” and will read selections from it. The anthology is filled with short stories following a tender, intellectual, and curious child as he navigates complex realms of sexuality, gender, racial politics, religion, and belonging, promoters said.

The tour will also be at Circular Congregational Church, 150 Meeting St., in Charleston, S.C., on Dec. 4, 7 p.m. info/rsvp: everyoneisgay.com.

— L.M.

meeting on Nov. 12, 6:30 p.m., at 18 Seaboard, 18 Seaboard Ave., Suite #100.

WUNC News Director Brent Wolfe will share a report about North Carolina’s history in the making — particularly as same-sex marriage becomes a reality. info/reservations: raleighnetwork.org.

— L.M.

Guilford awards grants

Marriage seminars upcoming

The Guilford Green Foundation presented its 2014 grants during a granting ceremony on Oct. 28

GREENSBORO — The Guilford Green Foundation awarded its 2014 grants during its Granting Ceremony & Volunteer Recognition festivities on Oct. 28 at Greenhill Gallery.

Executive Director Brenna Ragghianti said that the ceremony included a spotlight on Youth Focus with Kristin Weldon speaking and sharing a poem written by one of their transgender youth currently in their facility.

The recipients were: Creative Aging Network, $5,000; Elon University,$3,000; Elsewhere, $3,000; Equality NC, $3,000; Faith Action, $5,000; Guilford College, $5,000; Guilford County Schools Diversity Office, $2,000; LGBT Center of Raleigh, $1,200; Mental Health, $1,500; National Conference for Community and Justice Piedmont Triad, $5,000; PFLAG, $1,500; Queer Rap & Rock, $1,500; Triad Friends, $2,500; Triad Health Project, $4,000; Triad Pride Mens Chorus, $3,000; University of North Carolina-Greensboro, $2,000; Welcome Conversations, $1,800; and Youth Focus $5,000.

The funds will allow these organizations to expand their services in the areas of advocacy, the arts, education, youth, family and health.

Co-chairs for the event were Sandra O’Conner and Amy Holcombe. Speakers who shared their impressions included Susan Feit, NCCJ; Julie Peeples, People of Faith Against Amendment One and Congregational United Church of Christ (also part of Welcome Conversations); Jeff Thigpen, Guilford County register of deeds; Chris Sgro, executive director for Equality NC; and Ragghianti for the foundation.

Board member Gary Palmer said that the foundation “has both increased the amount of granting we have been doing and also made considerable increases in our involvement and cosponsorships with other group efforts.…we co-sponsored S2N Dialogue: Connecting LGBTQ and Immigrants with Faith Action House International and Congregational United Church of Christ. We became the fiscal sponsors of Stonewall Kickball and co-sponsored a transgender conference and co-sponsored a showing of ‘Living in the Overlap’ with Temple Emanuel.” info: ggfnc.org.

— L.M.

Triad Gala announces keynote speaker

GREENSBORO — The Equality North Carolina Foundation will hold its 8th Annual Equality Gala, “Get Engaged, North Carolina,” on Nov. 22, 6:30 p.m., at The Empire Room, 203 S. Elm St. The festivities will be a celebration of the recent marriage equality win with the activists who were instrumental in achieving this goal.

Keynote speaker will be Wade Davis, the former NFL star who now leads the “You Can Play Project,” a non-profit that tackles discrimination in all sports, organizers announced.

According to ENCF Executive Director Chris Sgro, Davis is considered one of the LGBT movement’s next big names, carrying his own message of LGBT inclusion to this year’s annual meeting of the NFL’s coaches and general managers, in an effort to assist groundbreaking players like Michael Sam and others still to come.

Also appearing at the event will be 2014 Equality award-winners Rep. Susan Fisher (2014 Legislative Leadership Award), Time Out Youth (2014 Organization of the Year), Kelly Spaulding (2014 Jamie Kirk Hahn Ally Award) and Linda and Mac Stroupe (2014 Bob Page Equality Champions), alongside the state’s top equality activists and pro-equality leaders.

Host accommodations are provided by The Proximity Hotel, 704 Green Valley Rd. Call 800379-8200 to book reservations.

A special VIP reception will precede the event at 5 p.m. Registration is available online. For those who register by Nov. 9 will receive a special 10 percent discount on the regular Gala rate. info/registration: equalityncfoundation.org/gala/.

— L.M.

Triangle Network hosts Wolfe

RALEIGH — The Raleigh Business and Professional Network will hold their monthly

RALEIGH/DURHAM — Two seminars geared toward LGBT individuals and couples who are already married in North Carolina or elsewhere, are considering getting married or have or are planning on having children, will be held in the Triangle. The first is planned for Nov. 12, 7 p.m., LGBT Center of Raleigh, 324 S. Harrington St. It is co-hosted by Equality NC and the center. The second is planned for Nov. 18, 7:30 p.m., Temple Building, 302 West Main St., Durham, hosted by Equality NC and Self-Help Credit Union.

Experts in the financial planning, tax and legal fields will be on hand to answer questions about how the recent changes in marriage, divorce and parentage laws affect relationships, finances, and/or children.

Presenters are: Angela Haas, attorney, Haas & Associates, PA; Jennifer Tharrington, attorney, Haas & Associates, PA; Carla Daniel, EA of Blackman Sloop CPAs; and Lorraine Johnson, CFP, CFA, ADPA, Triangle Financial Advisors. info: facebook.com/events/1495836917349473/. facebook.com/events/1510703935853282/.

— L.M.

Center announces seniors’ programs

RALEIGH — SAGE Raleigh is serving a free lunch to its members and guests on Nov. 13, 11:30 p.m., at the LGBT Center of Raleigh, 324 S. Harrington St., as part of its drop-in program.

An RSVP is requested by Nov. 11 so that organizers can order enough food for those who will attend. Email SAGE Program Chair Les Geller at lgeller@lgbtcenterofraleigh.com or sage@ lgbtcenterofraleigh.com to reserve a spot. Let him know about any special dietary restrictions.

The group is also touring the North Carolina Museum of Art, 2110 Blue Ridge Rd., on Nov. 8, 11 a.m. Participants will have the opportunity to view and learn more about gay-themed art pieces or artists who have been a part of the community that are on exhibit. Chris Nemec, who has put together the program, will serve as tour guide. info: lgbtcenterofraleigh.com.

— L.M.

Center unveils new logo

DURHAM — The LGBTQ Center of Durham recently showcased its new logo at NC Pride in September. Organizers thought it was great for awareness and helped them meet many of their new subscribers.

While at the festival, they kicked off their first capital campaign. Contributors are able to easily make a contribution by buying a T-shirt with the new Rainbow Bull embellished on it. They also have polo shirts, hats, infant wear, aprons and more for men, women and children. Items can be purchased online at their Swag Shop.

The center is working toward raising its first $10,000 toward its overall goal of $73,169 so they can open a physical center in 2015.

Contributions are always welcome. info: lgbtqcenterofdurham.org.

— L.M.

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qnotes

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IN MEMORIAM

Don King, early Charlotte LGBT community pioneer, dies at 72 King remembered for vision and immense courage

by Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com CHARLOTTE — Donaldson Wells King, known to his many friends and community as Don and considered among the most visionary of Charlotte’s early LGBT community pioneers, died on Thursday, Oct. 30, after a battle with pancreatic cancer. He was 72.

As an early leader in Charlotte’s LGBT community, King played a pivotal role in shaping community priorities, needs and goals.

Beginning in the mid-to-late 1970s, King helped to organize and lead organizations like Dignity and Acceptance, early LGBT support and social groups.

In 1981, he and the late Billie Rose founded Queen City Quordinators (QCQ), a joint fundraising umbrella group for organizations like Acceptance, the Gay & Lesbian Switchboard, Lambda Political Caucus and the Metropolitan Community Church of Charlotte. King was also a charter member of the church.

In 1983, King assisted with the early “Q-Notes” newsletter for QCQ. In June 1986, coinciding with the anniversary of the 1969 Stonewall Riots, the newsletter was re-established as a monthly print newspaper. King was hired as the publication’s first editor serving through September 1987.

All the while, King worked as a longtime journalist, first at a paper in Durham in the late 1960s.

He moved to Charlotte in the early 1970s where he began working at The Charlotte Observer. While a mainstream journalist, King helped to guide the community and his colleagues in positive media portrayals of the LGBT community.

In 1986, King’s Closet Buster Productions produced the “Gay/Lesbian Forum,” the first local cable Don King, pictured here before the 20th anniversary Charlotte Business Guild Gala in December 2012 show on gay and lesbian issues. King also founded where he was the keynote speaker.

Don King in 1979 sitting on the floor of the and operated the Friends of Dorothy Bookstore.

Photo Credit: David Lari. space in his East Blvd. apartment that was In the late 1980s and early 1990s, King took an outspoken role challenging the local police harassment to become his Friends of Dorothy Bookstore. social, religious and political and entrapment of gay men. His efforts eventually led to Photo Credit: Samis Rose equality of LGBT citizens. significant changes in the way local law enforcement King had been diagnosed qnotes is paying tribute to Don King and his treated gay men. with pancreatic cancer two years ago. He was under hospice In 1993, Don King was awarded the inaugural Community care at his home in recent weeks. Friends said he passed away decades-long service to Charlotte’s LGBT comService Award in Charlotte. The awards were later renamed at his home at noon on Oct. 30. munity. Read more about Don, including special in his honor as the Don King Community Service Awards and King was born in 1942 in Wilmington, N.C. reprints of pieces he once wrote for qnotes at continue today as the Charlotte Business Guild Awards.

Arrangements had yet to be announced at press time. Please During some of the most early and formative times of follow news on memorial and other plans and take a look back goqnotes.com/kingtribute/.

Charlotte’s LGBT community, King led with passion, intellect in King’s life and work in some of our retrospective features at and strategy, working to create a community which could goqnotes.com/kingtribute/. : : stand on its own and push for future changes in the legal,

Community members share condolences, memories Community members were invited to submit condolences, memories and thoughts of Don King. Several appear below.

thank you for blazing a path for all of us to walk!

God speed to a wonderful man!

— Charlotte Business Guild

He was an inspiration to me and so many others. I was proud to have known him, and admired his pioneering activism. He was also just a joy to be around.

— David Lari

May he rest in peace. I’m sure he will, knowing that he made such a difference in the lives of so many. I remember being friends with Don back in the early 1980s — and how amazed I was at his courage and openness at a time when Charlotte was still a very “hostile” community towards LGBT people. He was an icon then, and his legacy is contained in so many organizations in the

The Charlotte Business Guild is grateful for your vision and work to make organizations like ours possible. You will be truly missed and we

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metro Charlotte area. A heartfelt thank you, Don, for all that you accomplished on our behalf and the positive impact you made for Charlotte’s LGBT community.

— Ken Davis Thank you Mr. King for blazing a path for those of us that followed. So many times, the younger LGBT generations forget the sacrifice and immense courage that those like Mr. King showed in the face of a harsh obstacles.

His generation paved the way for our growing equality in today’s society. May we always

remember and honor his courage.

— Phil Hargett We are less because Don is gone, but we are collectively so much greater because he was here. Our love will travel with you wherever you go, my friend.

— Samis Rose Rest in Peace Don King. I am truly grateful to have had the opportunity to meet

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him many years ago and to be recognized with the Don King Award. I hope my service to the community pays respect to all the sacrifices you made long before being gay was really ok.

— The Hon. LaWana Mayfield, Charlotte City Council I had the pleasure of manning the store for Don in the front room of his apartment on East Blvd. and in distributing an early version of QNotes to the bars. His influence reached beyond the gay community while he was with Knight-Ridder where he was instrumental in starting the annual Observer Marathon. Don wasn’t raised here but he always loved this town. He will be missed.

— Jimmy Locke I first met Don in 1973 when he asked me for a date. Since then we have been friends until the very end. He was always a joy to be a part of my life, and would often guide me through certain directions in life. I will miss him terribly. God bless his sweet soul.

— Bobby Schmiel

He opened doors for others that many would have just walked by without a thought given to who may have been left out. He seemed most comfortable working at the intersections and building big bridges with loving grace. I will miss him. The region has experienced a great loss. Rest well Don. The rest is for us to do.

— Bishop Tonyia Rawls Don and I went to school together in Tarboro, N.C. We were friends throughout. He was always friendly and kind. Have seen him since at class reunions and he hadn’t changed.

He led a benevolent and rewarding life from what I have heard. May he rest in peace. Some people you never forget.

— Patsy Jones A brave man, an outstanding life.

— Hal Case I always had a deep respect for Don and enjoyed a very good working relationship with

him going back to them early disco days and helping do public service production work with him into the ‘80s. He was a good hearted and brave man.

— Jay Howard My spouse Victoria Eves and I met Don King in 2003 when sitting next to him at our very first Charlotte Business Guild dinner.

Years later, he and Victoria worked on a Business Guild program showcasing “The History of Gay Charlotte.” In 2012, when the Guild revived the annual gala it had previously ceased to hold, Don delivered a spectacular speech which commemorated the Guild’s 20 year existence. It was the last time I saw him. Takeaways: For those who worked with Don to build and sustain our wonderful LGBTQ community, thank you.

There’s still much to be accomplished, so please jump back in. For anyone who hasn’t joined us, it’s time for you to help keep Don’s legacy alive.

— Teresa Davis

news

Don was one of the first folks I met when I moved here in the last ’70s. He was always humorous (when appropriate), warm, welcoming, kind, generous, embracing and so much more. His smile was infectious and his determination to champion causes that were near and dear to him were superlatives that helped to round him out. The one thing that made him so special was his ability to bring a sense of intimacy, sincerity and caring to those with with whom he surrounded himself.

He made you feel like you were his dear friend when you spoke to him. He was such a joyful guy, always bringing a sense of calm, even in the midst of trying times. He also showed a sense of reverence when it came to issues that sparked the call to service.

Ya’ gotta know that the work he started and shepherded here will serve as a legacy for the future of LGBT rights and the rewards he’s receiving now in the great beyond are showering him with peace. May Don’s memory forever be for a blessing.

— Lainey Millen

About 15 years ago the Presbyterian Church was having one of its periodic conniptions about gay issues. My Sunday school class was studying the issue and somehow Don King was invited to speak. He charmed the skeptical, fearful members of the group with his good humor, real-life examples and rational explanations and answers to their questions.

He made it much easier for me to come out in that environment a couple years later. I remain grateful for his influence on Charlotte and his good example.

— Bill Strong Don was one of the nicest people I have had the pleasure of knowing. He was a true leader, kind, compassionate, always willing to share, and always willing to lend a hand. Don was a pioneer, a dedicated member of the community and fierce advocate for LGBT rights and social justice for all. He will be missed. I know his legacy will live on.

— Jim Thompson To the family and friends of Don King, I extend my deepest condolences. I arrived in Charlotte 15 years ago and Don’s name was one of the first I heard in terms of great pioneers of change. I was a recipient of the Charlotte Business Guild’s Don King Service Award and also had the honor of speaking at one of his diversity events at UNC-Charlotte.

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qnotes

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Event to raise much needed funds Hope and inspiration fill evening program

by Lainey Millen :: lainey@goqnotes.com

Different Roads Homes’ 5th Annual Evening of Hope and Inspiration is set for Nov. 15, 7 p.m., at McGlohon Theatre at Spirit Square, 345 N. College St. qnotes is a media sponsor.

Proceeds from the event benefit the organization’s Jeanne White Ginder Food Patry, named for the mother of Ryan White, who died from HIV/AIDS and served as an inspiration to many.

Dale Pierce, Different Roads Home’s founder and CEO, shared, “The sole purpose of this annual fundraiser is to buy emergency food cards to help clients supplement their holiday meal needs and the remainder of the funds go to buy gift cards that can be utilized in times of crisis throughout the year. One thing that we have also added to, as of last year, is helping to buy multi-vitamins for those we serve that have compromised immune systems.”

Obstacles, struggles and issues are everpresent in serving HIV/AIDS patients. As in any population that is under-served by the greater community, food is especially a very important one for those clients.

DRH has plans to reach out to the corporate and individual contributors in 2015. They are also seeking grants from foundations, etc., to help them achieve their financial goals.

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Linda Gray, star of TV’s “Dallas” and recipient of this year’s Hope and Inspiration Humanitarian Award, will be available for a Q&A after she receives her award. Also in attendance will be White-Ginder. She will share her thoughts about her son and his legacy whose 25th anniversary since his death will be marked in April 2015. She will also help to pass out awards and present the Ryan White Memorial Scholarship to its winner and the two runners-up. Pierce said that there was an overwhelming response from hopeful college students who wish to use the funds to assist them with their educational expenses. The winner receives $1,500 and the two runners-up will get $250 each.

The Talley Trio will be on hand to share their southern gospel music, as well as the St. Luke Missionary Baptist Choir.

Tickets for the event are $15-$35 and are available online.

A VIP Experience Package at $125 includes a reserved seat, private reception in the Duke Energy Theater, 345 N. College St., at 5:30 p.m. with one complimentary drink ticket, cash bar, appetizers and desert and fruit, swag bag from our sponsors and Different Roads Home, as well as the opportunity to have a picture taken and autograph with Gray. : : info: differentroadshome.org.

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life

HIV/AIDS org to bestow humanitarian award on Linda Gray From the small screen to the world stage, star shares life’s joy with others

by Lainey Millen :: lainey@goqnotes.com

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very Friday night across America in the late 1970s through the early 1990s, TV viewers poised in anticipation of their weekly tension-packed episode about a family involved in the Texas oil business. The music rises and the theme of “Dallas,” one of TV’s most iconic shows, rolls out. It’s filled with the Ewing clan — Bobby, J.R., Miss Ellie, Jock, Gary, Pamela and, of course, Sue Ellen.

Linda Gray began playing the part of Sue Ellen Ewing when the show aired on April 2, 1978, and reprised the role when the show again began televising a “next generation” series to a more contemporary audience.

Sue Ellen was elegant, stunning, a bit troubled and had a problem with alcohol. Even with this, she always was a strong believer in the family.

And that philosophy has carried itself into her personal life as well.

Gray has been around the world helping those who seemingly were unable to help themselves.

Different Roads Home saw how much she gave of herself to which end they decided to present her with the 2014 Hope and Inspiration Humanitarian Award at its 5th Annual Evening of Hope & Inspiration on Nov. 15, 7 p.m., at the McGlohon Theatre at Spirit Square, 345 N. College St. qnotes is a media sponsor.

Being honored Gray was born in Santa Monica, Calif. She spent time modeling which spearheaded her foray into TV via commercials. Acting gigs came to her in the 1970s, but her popularity did not take off until she took on the role of Sue Ellen Ewing.

After the end of “Dallas,” she continued her acting career, but also ventured into serving humanity.

“Linda has always been a supporter of LGBT and HIV causes,” Different Roads Home Executive Director Dale Pierce told qnotes. “While reviewing who we would select, our committee reviewed her accomplishments and saw not only did she work with HIV and AIDS charities in Los Angeles, but also was a UN Goodwill Ambassador and worked with Meals on Wheels, among many other charities. Her vision of humanitarian efforts seemed to align with our cause and we felt that she was extremely deserving of being selected.”

She also has spent a considerable amount of time on the international scene, visiting Africa and other locations where poverty and malnutrition are rampant.

The award she will receive while in Charlotte was a “lovely surprise” for Gray. She said she felt honored to receive it.

Previously she served as honorary chairperson for the Design Industries Foundation Fighting AIDS ceremony in Dallas, Texas.

The organization raises funds for HIV/AIDS preventative educational programs, treatment and direct service care. qnotes recently had the opportunity to speak with Gray about her life and her works.

Reaching out Gray has been active with global humanitarian work, assisting women and children in particular.

“I feel very blessed,” Gray said. “I worked with the UN for 10 years and I got to travel and go to developing countries. It’s important for me to see and sit with the women and talk to them about their issues, about what they want in their lives. I went to Malawi.

I was in Nicarauga. I got to see birthing clinics where women were giving birth. There were rooms full of women. I got to see their little huts, their little homes. We sat on the floor. I listened to the issues that they thought were important and were bothering them and they needed help with. It was important for me.

“The big picture was to see women around the world are the same,” she said.

“We want healthy child birth, clean water, education for out children.

What I found was that we are not different.

What I came home with is that we have one heart. Whether we have no money, sit on the ground, make our own food in our little huts with our babies. I have children and I would want to know how I was going to feed my babies, how I was going to get clean water. We went back to the countries to check on them and see their progress.”

She has had a fascination with mothers and children. As a grandmother she thinks about what is being left for a second generation.

Gray prefers working quietly for others.

Her work with Meals on Wheels made a lasting impression on her. While in Philadelphia, Penn., she personally delivered food to those in need. She said that nothing can compare to that and there was joy that filled her heart when she provides services to others.

Compassion and living happy With her work in the entertainment industry, Gray has been no stranger to loss from the creative community from HIV/AIDS. Even now some of them are holding their own.

“It’s so overwhelming the struggles they go through,” Gray said. “Why is this still a problem? How can we get a hold of diseases that take our loved ones?”

Her arts and entertainment life is one in which she feels blessed. She keeps herself vital and youthful by choosing to be happy and passionate for what she does.

“I literally sat with myself and said you have choices. You have one life,” Gray said. “This time around I want to make sure that I live a life I want to live, that reflects the way I want to be and the person I want to be. I don’t want to hurt anybody. I want to make sure I live a life that is as rich as possible. Thank God, I have this innate curiosity. We are blessed with the internet. You can search for everything. These were clear choices I made. I choose not to be a victim. We are all responsible for everything that goes on. Get up and say thank you that you are on this planet another day, make it the best.”

Gray’s portrayal of Sue Ellen Ewing has been her most memorable acting role. Her elegant stature and ageless grace have been stunning to watch. And, over the decades, her character certainly came solidly into her own, even with the immense challenges that she had to endure.

She was humbled that many from the LGBT community have been enamored with her over the years.

“I had kind of heard rumors,” she said. “Honestly, it is beyond my wildest dreams. I embrace the fact that you have been such fabulous followers.”

Like the other issues she’s taken to heart, Gray is a support of LGBT equality and inclusion, too. She’s thrilled to be visiting North Carolina, which recently received the green light for marriage equality. “How dare anyone to tell us who to love?” Gray asked, adding that judgment had to stop and that love had to be embraced.

Showing vulnerability Like her all of her fans, Gray’s Sue Ellen is human — a complex person with highs and lows and, yes, flaws. Gray played Sue Ellen for the character she was: “I would not play her as a one-note bitch. I wanted to layer in the vulnerability she possessed. I think it brought Sue Ellen a richness and wholeness and exemplified fragility.”

Having to play someone who had issues with alcohol presented her with abundant accolades from her fans. “I heard on the street all the time that people went to AA because of Sue Ellen,” Gray said. “I really take no credit for that. They [the writers] wrote it that way. You can play a character that can change people’s lives.”

She was honored and blessed to play the character. Gray was “beyond honored” to be invited back 20 years later to play her again.

“I thought it was time in society to show that there should be no judgment. We should be accepting, perhaps help people,” Gray said. “When Sue Ellen took that drink when Larry Hagman (J.R.) passed and there was a memorial scene, the writers chose to have Sue Ellen take a drink. It was like ‘Oh, my God,’ taking a look at that script. Oh, no, not again. And, I talked to my friends who were in the program and they said that was when someone would take a drink and fall off the wagon. This is what people feel when they hit an emotional wall. They do not know what else to do. They go back to the crutch that supported them.”

Embodying her character Getting into character was a process for Gray. It began in stages. She would go to the makeup trailer first and begin the transition from Linda to Sue Ellen. Then she would be coiffed and then head to wardrobe. When she stepped into high heels, the magic really happened. She embodied Sue Ellen fully and began to channel her. She knew the script writers’ words were perfect and she allowed the words to touch her in a deep place within her, especially when she has tender or painful moments.

Inspiration for playing Sue Ellen came from God, Gray said.

The character was so different than the real-world person. In performing the role, she saw to it that she brought passion to what she gave to it. Gray said that spending time re-evaluating one’s choices is imperative and that most people get stuck in fear. “There is love and there is fear. We want love.”

TNT recently decided not to renew “Dallas” for a fourth season. The cast and crew were “devastated.” It came down to dollars and cents and the network found that it did not match it’s current demographics of viewers. Patrick Duffy, who played Bobby Ewing and was instrumental along with Gray and Hagman in spearheading the reprise, said, “It’s show business and not friendship business.” They understood why the show was cancelled, but it still had a sting to it. In the Monday time slot, it was up against powerhouses like “The Voice,” “Monday Night Football” and other offerings. They had hoped that TNT would have moved it to another night instead of axing it.

Now, Gray said that they are not sure who or when, but they felt that another network would pick them up. They are currently shopping it.

As qnotes ended our chat with Gray, she paused to share words of wisdom — the importance for everyone to explore for the rest of their lives, to remain inquisitive about life, to be happy and to find joy.

That’s a wrap. : :

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news

Transgender Day of Remembrance more somber this year Community mourns losses from increased violence

by Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com Community members across the Carolinas will pause in remembrance of lost life this month, marking the International Transgender Day of Remembrance on Nov. 21.

Reports from anti-violence groups and media indicate that at least nine transgender women in the U.S. — all of them women of color — have died after attacks or assaults this year. The latest was reported on Oct. 30, after Indianapolis Metro Police ruled the death of 25-year-old Tajshon (Ashley) Sherman a homicide. Sherman’s body was found early on the morning of Oct. 27. She had been shot in the head.

Many of the deaths began in June, a time marked by the LGBT community as National Pride Month and a celebration of the anniversary of the 1969 Stonewall Riots.

“During Pride season, we were more worried about bumper stickers and marriage equality in North Carolina than the plight of trans women of color,” says Justine Catherine Matlock, a 22-year-old transgender student, activist and educator. Trans women of color are getting murdered for existing; their crime is their womanhood and their blackness or their brownness.”

The National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs has tracked at least eight other deaths in the U.S. this year — four in June alone. And organizers of the International Transgender Day of Remembrance have tracked far more outside of the U.S.; they list a total of more than 60 deaths across the globe.

In one such global case, a 26-year-old Philippine trans woman, Jennifer Laude, died after being drowned. A 19-year-old U.S. Marine, Pfc. Joseph Scott Pemberton, is being held by Philippine authorities as a suspect in the case. Reports indicate Pemberton and Laude met at a bar and later went to a nearby motel. Thirty minutes after checking in, Pemberton left the motel and staff later found Laude’s body in the motel room’s bathroom.

Matlock says the uptick in violence might be connected to the continued increase in transgender rights and visibility.

Transgender Day of Remembrance Celebrated internationally on Nov. 21, the event will be marked at various activities across the region: Charlotte Nov. 20, 6:30-8:30 p.m.

Time Out Youth Center 2320-A N. Davidson St. Vigil and community remembrance event “Our numbers, as far as activists go, are increasing,” she says. “Our numbers in general are rising. Contemporarily, trans women are feeling more and more comfortable to stand up and assert their identities; this, obviously, has effects of backlash.”

But determining exactly how many trans people might be victims of attacks or murders is difficult. Matlock says many victims’ true identities are never disclosed or discussed. Some, she says, are reported as “men in dresses or drag queens.”

“I can’t count the number of women I know buried beneath tombstones reading false epithets of a manhood they never had,” she says.

Transphobic violence is largely targeted toward transgender women. The National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs reported a total of 18 anti-LGBT homicides in 2013. Nearly three-quarters of the victims were transgender women; two-thirds were transgender women of color.

Charlotte has seen its share of transphobic violence, too. In June 2002, Franklin Freeman was suspiciously shot standing at the corner of Church and Liddel Sts., just five days before Freeman was to testify in a hearing against a member of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department. Months earlier, Freeman had gotten into a scuffle with another officer and had been charged with assaulting an officer, though the charges were later dropped and the police chief issued a letter of apology. Freeman lived daily

news notes: u.s./world.

Bill Clinton speaks at HRC gala WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former U.S. President Bill Clinton spoke at the Oct. 18 national Human Rights Campaign gala, commending LGBT rights activists for a string of victories that have brought marriage equality to a majority of states. He also encouraged the LGBT community to continue its push to break down additional barriers.

“I’ve never seen a civil rights movement, at least in our country, move as far and as fast as your movement, ever,” Clinton said in delivering the keynote address.

Same-sex marriage has advanced in recent weeks from 19 to 32 states after the U.S. Supreme Court declined to hear appeals from five states opposing decisions that gay marriage bans were unconstitutional.

“But don’t kid yourself… there are still barri-

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ers that need to be brought down,” he said.

“All over the world there are young people who still have to cower in fear of their governments, their leaders and sometimes their families,” Clinton said.

He urged the attendees to stay focused on achieving more wins through concerted campaigns, both legally and in the court of public opinion.

Politico reports that the fired-up crowd was particularly enthusiastic whenever Bill Clinton mentioned Hillary, a likely 2016 Democratic candidate. The former president noted her support for gay rights during her time at the U.S. State Department, when she said that “gay rights are human rights, and human rights are gay rights.”

The former Democratic president, who has publicly expressed regret that he signed the

life as Franklin, but performed drag as Aretha Scott and was known to engage in sex work as a woman. Freeman’s case remains unsolved.

In 2010, Toni Alston was murdered at the front door of her home in West Charlotte. Like Freeman’s case, Alston’s murder also remains unsolved.

Transgender people also are at risk for higher rates of suicide. In May 2013, a transgender University of North Carolina-Charlotte student died as a result of suicide after, friends say, she suffered repeated harassment both on and off campus.

If the violence is ever to stop, Matlock says the broader LGBT community will need to refocus attention on the needs of transgender women, particularly those of color.

“Our voices are stifled and we’re expected to ‘get over’ casual cissexism, transphobia and transmisogyny perpetrated by cisgender gays and lesbians,” she says, stressing that organizations need to “bring black and brown trans women into your spaces and make them a priority.”

Matlock adds: “Literally, center your organization around how it benefits black and brown transgender women. By not serving these underprivileged women, you are failing as an activist organization. They are the women that need the most help. They are the ones bearing the brunt of the violence against the LGBT community.” : :

Columbia Nov. 15, 7 p.m.

South Carolina State House 1110 Gervais St. Candlelight vigil and memorial reading of the names

“Defense of Marriage Act” and “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” into law while he was president, made no mention of those policies during his speech.

U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder opened the HRC event in a surprise appearance. Earlier the same day, Holder announced that the federal government was recognizing same-sex marriages in six more states and extending federal benefits to those couples.

Sir Elton John and his partner David Furnish received the HRC National Equality Award, and announced that the Elton John AIDS Foundation was awarding a $300,000 grant to HRC’s Foundation to increase awareness of HIV prevention, treatment and care among LGBT people. : : — LGBTQ Nation (lgbtqnation.com), a qnotes news partner

Durham Nov. 20, 6-10 p.m.

CCB Plaza 115 Market St. Vigil followed by fundraising benefitting transgender programming at the LGBTQ Center of Durham and LGBT Center of Raleigh Greensboro Nov. 20, 7-8 p.m.

Tree of Life Counseling 1821 Lendew St. Candlelight vigil and community remembrance event Hickory Nov. 20, 6-8 p.m.

Grace Chapel Lenior Rhyne University 625 7th Ave. NE Interfaith service with guest speaker the Rev. Debra Hopkins

QUICK HITS —————————————————————————————— The International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission hosted worldwide conference of LGBT advocates from 50 countries in Mexico City. more: bit.ly/10G1K6E More than 1,000 pastors and others, including a smattering of pro-LGBT evangelicals, attended the Southern Baptist Convention’s conference, “The Gospel, Homosexuality and

the Future of Marriage,” during the last week of October in Nashville, Tenn. more: bit.ly/1DDOxHu Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, came out in an essay published by Bloomberg Businessweek on Oct. 29. LGBT advocates say Cook’s position with one of the world’s most visible name brands will help change attitudes on LGBT inclusion. more: bit.ly/1vpFbKM

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HOLIDAY GUIDE

Bring a unique, affordable smile to holiday gifting Uncommon, fun gifts for the loved ones and friends on your shopping lists this year

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orget the latest big-ticket, popular gift everyone will rush to buy on Black Friday (or, for the committed types, Thanksgiving).

Your friends, family and other loved ones will find just as much joy and surprise with these affordable yet unique gifts. We scoured the internet looking for some of the best and most interesting small gifts — perfect for stocking stuffers or even the main event — destined to create smiling faces this holiday season.

For hometown pride Some people just never let go.

They’ll cling to their hometown pride no matter where they live.

Give your friend or loved one a special smile on Christmas morning with a reminder of the city they love so dearly. These handmade coasters include maps of neighborhoods from popular cities including Brooklyn, Boston, Chicago, Los Angeles, Manhattan, Philadelphia, San Francisco, San Diego, Phoenix, New Orleans, Minneapolis and Baltimore. $36. uncommongoods.com

For the travel lover If your friend or loved one is the dedicated traveler, help them document their journeys with this unique scratch-off map. As your friend traverses the globe, they simply scratch off where they’ve visited, revealing colorful splashes of color. $20. uncommongoods.com

For the concertgoer Concert people. Gotta love them. They’ll be front and center for their own personal close-up with their favorite star no matter how loud the music, how big the crowd or how expensive the ticket. Help your friend or loved one document their favorite concerts. It’s also great for sports games, theatre or other events. $12. uncommongoods.com For the irreverent one We all have them — bad days at work or home that just make us want to throw our hands up in desperation. And, your friend? Well, she’s the queen of exasperation. Instead of letting her slip out a choice phrase or two next time, gift her this handmade “F-bomb” paperweight. She’ll smile, laugh a little and let the stress go. $45. uncommongoods.com

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Summer lovin’ Give your summer-loving friend a pick up during the doldrums of winter. The warm weather will return soon enough and with this cool fruit tapping kit, your friend will be able to turn melons and other fruits into their own all-natural kegs. $19.99. uncommongoods.com

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Green thumb Know a plant lover? Maybe even a young person who might enjoy growing their own small garden? This small planter comes in a recycled steel box with non-soil planting material that takes just 7-14 days to sow, sprout, grow and harvest your plants. Comes in two varieties. Spice kit: Chrysanthemum Coronarium (Shungiku Chrysanthemum). Brassica Rapa Nipposinica var. nipposinica (Japanese Mibuna Mustard), Raphanus Sativus var. longipinnatus (Daikon Radish). Veggie kit: Brassica oleracea sabauda (Red Acre Cabbage), Daucus Carota (Mini-Carrot Greens). Pisum Sativun (Tom Thumb Pea Greens). $5.99-$48. uncommongoods.com

life

Coffee snob Your friend or loved one knows everything about coffee. Their tastes are refined and only the best will do. Let them brew their own individualized mug with this single cup french press. The mini-brew mug takes just two or three minutes to give your loved one the best sip they can brew up. $14.99. thinkgeek.com

For the learner Every single issue of National Geographic since 1888 are encased in this six-disc boxed set, with over 1,400 issues, 8,000 articles and 200,000 photos exactly as they appeared in print. Compatible with all modern computer operating systems. $35. amazon.com

For the politico This coffee mug comes with 29 classic campaign slogans from presidential candidates throughout the nation’s history. A perfect gift for history or politics lovers. $14.99. alwaysfits.com

For the book lover Some people are crazy about their books, amassing whole personal libraries to rival even the most voluminous in the world. Gift your library-building, book-loving friend this quirky nod to their own favorite hobby. This personal library kit comes complete with retro-inspired check-out cards, self-adhesive pockets and a date stamp. $26.98. amazon.com

For the fanciful A fun, rainbow-hued gift for the fanciful on your shopping list this year. Handcrafted, one-of-a-kind stoneware with a footed base. $38. uncommongoods.com

When history and sport combine The New York Times offers several collections of its landmark and historic reporting, taking readers on a journey through time for their favorite sport.

Collections include golf, boxing, football, basketball, hockey and baseball.

Baseball, basketball, football and hockey collections by team. $49.95. nytstore.com

— compiled by Matt Comer

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life

HOLIDAY GUIDE

Wrapped with local love Visit these local shops and stores for your holiday shopping this year

qnotes asked readers to provide us some of their favorite local and LGBT-owned or friendly shopping destinations.

Here are some of the responses we received: City Supply Co. 1219 Thomas Ave., Charlotte 704-347-2489, citysupplycharlotte.com Reader Christine Blonowicz suggested City Supply Co. “I want to redo my whole house with their stuff,” she said. “LGBT owned and operated by a couple of super sweet guys.”

The store has a variety of furniture, rugs, lighting and other home accessories. The store also offers interior design services for residential and commercial projects.

Paper Skyscraper 330 East Blvd., Charlotte 704-333-7130, paperskyscraper.com Readers Jeff Schmehl, Angela Blanken and O’Neale Atkinson each suggested Paper Skyscraper, a gift shop known for its unique offerings like cards, glassware and other homeware, books, soaps, candles and more. “I always end up finding things there that are unique and perfect for the people I shop for that I would not have found in other stores,” Atkinson said.

Pura Vida Worldly Art 3202 N. Davidson St., Charlotte 704-335-8587, puravidaart.com Reader Bob Nulf said Pura Vida World Art is “one of the most vibrant stores in the region.”

The store is filled to the brim with unique, world-exploring gifts, folk art, pottery, textiles and more, including items from Latin America, Asia, the Middle East and Africa.

QList favorites Each year, readers participate in our annual QList-Best of LGBT Charlotte. Here’s more about this year’s retail store winner and other nominations made in the annual contest.

White Rabbit 920 Central Ave., Charlotte 704-377-4067, facebook.com/whiterabbitstore

This year’s best retail winner was White Rabbit, which bills itself the city’s “one-stop shopping place” for the LGBT community.

Owned by qnotes publisher Jim Yarbrough, the store includes unique, LGBT-friendly cards and a variety of gifts, including books, music, homewares and more. The store also has a wide selection of designer men’s underwear.

Other QList nominations: Backstage Vintage Apparel 2005 Central Ave., Charlotte 704-733-9469 A unique shop filled with every kind of vintage clothing and costume you can imagine.

Outfits can be bought or rented. A perfect place to stop for the eccentric one on your gift list this year.

Brief/Shu 1426 S. Tryon St., Charlotte Brief: shopbrief.com, 704-376-6612 Shu: shusalon.com, 704-372-6223 Owned by Dan Mauney, Shu and Brief are stocked with a variety of upscale gift ideas for those on your list. Visit Shu for women’s designer footwear and Brief for designer men’s underwear and other fashions.

The Furniture Connector 2905 Griffith St., Charlotte 704-507-9023, thefurintureconnector.com Affordable home furnishings and furniture, along with home accessories and design services.

High Cotton Home Company 2137 South Blvd., Charlotte 704-335-1220, highcottonhomecompanycom American-made furnishings from top designers, the store bills itself Charlotte’s “most eclectic and distinct furnishings boutique.”

Silverfly 1111 Metropolitan Ave #150, Charlotte 980-819-7216, silverflybrands.com Carrying the latest and most popular men’s clothing fashions and styles.

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HOLIDAY GUIDE

Holidays see return of annual events, outings

by Jeff Taylor :: qnotes contributor

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he holiday season is finally upon us and with it comes the annual offering of local performances, plays, lighting displays and other fun events. Keeping track of everything that’s happening in the months of November and December can become as daunting as crossing off all the items on your shopping list.

This rundown of events will help keep everything on your radar so you don’t miss out on the best of the festivities.

Jazz at the Bechtler In its fifth year, Jazz at the Bechtler has grown to become a favorite among both local jazzheads and lovers of seasonal music looking for a twist on some old holiday standards.

The Ziad Jazz Quarter performs favorites such as “This Christmas,” the Herbie Hancock and Chick Correa arrangement of “Deck the Halls” and the John Coltrane version of “Greensleeves.” Snacks are provided both before and during the performance and there is also a cash bar serving beer, wine and select liquor. There are two shows, both on Dec. 5, one starting at 6 p.m. and one starting at 8:15 p.m/. Tickets, which are $8 for museum members and $14 for non-members, can be purchased at the admission desk or by calling 704-353-9200.

Skaters revel in the holiday spirit while enjoying the ice rink at WBT’s Holiday on Ice.

Holidays at the Garden Getting lost in the Daniel Stowe Botanical garden is always a wonderful experience, but during this time of year it’s even better. Visitors will enjoy the massive light and train displays, visits from Santa, nature based family crafts and more. Holidays at the Garden runs from Nov. 21 through Dec. 31, with a free membersonly preview on Nov.20, from 5-9 p.m.

Holiday On Ice Skating in the heart of downtown, with the skyscrapers above and the lights and sounds of the city all around you, is such an iconic holiday activity that it seems to show up in just about every other Christmas movie ever made, and for good reason. There’s nothing quite like it to get you in the yuletide spirit. The ice skating rink, which is provided each year

by WBT 1110 AM, will reside at the corner of Martin Luther King Blvd. and Brevard St. on the NASCAR Hall of Fame Plaza from Nov. 21 through Jan. 24. Those wishing to request a private party, or anyone with general questions, can contact Holiday On Ice at 704-390-3715.

A Christmas Carol at Theatre Charlotte Back for an eighth consecutive year, Theatre Charlotte presents the Charles Dickens’ classic “A Christmas Carol.” The story of curmudgeonly Ebenezer Scrooge, who is visited by the ghost his old partner Jacob Marley, and the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future in a bid to soften the old man’s heart, is a must see experience for anyone wishing to truly get into the holiday spirit. It will play in The Eloise MacDonald, December 5-14. Tickets are $27 a piece and are available by visiting theatrecharlotte.org or by calling 704-376-3777.

Magic of Christmas and Messiah by Charlotte Symphony The Charlotte Symphony Orchestra is presenting two different Christmas shows this year, with Magic of Christmas on Dec. 4, from 7:30-9:30 p.m., and “Messiah” on Dec. 17, from 7:30-10 p.m.

Both will be performed at Belk Theater.

Magic of Christmas sees conductor Albert-George Schram leading the Symphony, along with the Oratorio Singers of Charlotte, the Charlotte Children’s Choir and “American Idol” finalist Melinda Doolittle. Tickets run from $25-$79.

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Photo Credit: Amelia Catherine Photography

Conductor Noel Edison will lead the Symphony and the Oratorio Singers, and others, through Handel’s choral masterwork, “Messiah.” Tickets run from $34-$89.

Tickets to both events are available through charlottesymphony.org.

Speedway Christmas In its fifth year, the annual Speedway Christmas light show at Charlotte Motor Speedway is one of the more impressive displays.

NASCAR fans will relish the rare opportunity to drive on the track, as they wind through a 3.1 mile route, featuring 800 displays decked out in more than three million lights. It should be enough to excite even those holiday revelers who tend not to tune in on race day. In fact, it is one of the country’s largest drive thru light displays and the Charlotte Motor Speedway is promising that this year will be bigger and better than ever.

In addition to the displays, there’s also the infield Christmas village to enjoy, where attendees can get their picture taken with Santa, ride the bumper cars or check out the petting zoo.

Christmas movies such as “Elf,” “The Polar Express” and “Frozen” will also be shown on the world’s largest HDTV every Friday and Saturday night during the show.

Speedway Christmas runs from Nov. 22 to Dec. 30 and is closed Christmas day. Tickets are available online through Ticketmaster or by calling the box office at 1-800-455-FANS.: :

Choruses ring in the season Charlotte’s LGBT choral groups will present two holiday shows this season.

Ghosts of Christmas Past Dec. 5-6, 7:30 p.m.; Dec. 6, 2 p.m.

Unitarian Universalist Church of Charlotte 234 N. Sharon Amity Rd., Charlotte Tickets: $22/advance, $27/door (Matinee: $17) onevoicechorus.com Selighbells & Sunscreen Dec. 12-13, 8:04 p.m.

Gay Men’s Chorus of Charlotte St. Martin’s Episcopal Church 1510 E. 7th St., Charlotte Tickets: $20-$25 gmccharlotte.org — Matt Comer

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life

SPORTS

Playing the Field Match-ups from across the Carolinas: Jon take a NASCAR drive, plus recaps from rugby and kickball

by Jon Hoppel :: qnotes contributor

Jon Hoppel took a few revolutuions around the track at the Charlotte Motor Speedway.

I recently had the opportunity of a lifetime. I was able to participate in the Richard Petty’s Driving Experience. This program allows you to drive a NASCAR race car around Charlotte Motor Speedway for eight laps at speeds up to 200 mph. And, for those who want, you can ride along with a trained driver instead of getting behind the wheel.

If you do not believe that the drivers in NASCAR are not athletes, you are sorely mistaken. The amount of endurance needed for 200 or more laps over three plus hours is insane. After just the eight laps, my arms were shaking and I was sweating. The mental part is even more strenuous. Every little lapse in concentration could result in losing speed, getting passed, or worse, crashing.

The stock cars had the ability to get up to 200 miles an hour, but I was thoroughly impressed when I was told afterward that I was able to reach a max speed of 135 mph. If only because it felt like I was going 235 mph when I was out there. And, at those speeds, the two mile oval feels a lot shorter.

But, probably the coolest part about the whole thing was that they record your whole drive. They place

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Playing the Field continued from page 17

The Charlotte Royals and the Columbus Coyotes at Columbus, Ohio.

Photo Credit: Timothy Ray

a USB card in the car and it records from cameras at the front of the car and one from inside the car. Once the drive is over, you get to take those videos home for your friends and family to see the sheer terror on your face as you reach full throttle.

If you would like to participate in this truly jaw dropping event, get information at DrivePetty.com.

Rugby The Charlotte Royals traveled up to Columbus, Ohio, this month to take on the Coyotes. The last time Charlotte visited up north, they were beaten handily by this somewhat inexperienced team. With some new roster additions, the Royals looked to change Columbus’ winning ways at home.

The first half showed how really similar the teams are, talent-wise. They tackled well and rucked hard, leading to a nail biter at halftime, 17-21. But, in the second half like the Royals have done all season, the team got worn out. Columbus was able to put a few back to back scores on the board and took home the win again, 35-61. With two more games left on the schedule, the Royals will need to win both to finish with an over .500 record for the year.

Be sure to catch Charlotte’s last game of the season when they host the Atlanta Bucks on Nov. 22, at Tuskaceegee Park at 4820 Tuckaseegee Rd. Kickball The inaugural season of the Stonewall Kickball League came to an end on Nov. 4.

Heading into the end of the season tournament, STEPPford Wives were leading the standings with undefeated 5-0 record. The next three teams were hovering around .500 and had the best chance to knock the Wives off their throne. Next month, we will have the results, as well as information on how to sign up for the spring season.

Also, the league will be competing in an All Star tournament against Greensboro and Raleigh on Nov. 8 up in Raleigh. Three players were selected from each team in the league to face off for the North Carolina kickball crown. : :

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goqnotes.com/to/arts

tell trinity

by Trinity :: qnotes contributor :: trinity@telltrinity.com

No job, no bed, no joy… no date Hey Trinity, I’ve been dating this really great guy for weeks now, but he doesn’t have a very good job, stays on a friends’ couch and is on anti-depressants.

I had much bigger expectations for a boyfriend!

Should I keep dating him or hold out for someone better?

Hoping for More, Buffalo, NY Hey Hoping, If he’s in his 20’s or 30’s, then I’d get my feet wet a bit more and see if he has a viable plan towards having a better life. It’s sometimes great being with someone whose life is getting started. However, sweetie, if he’s over 40 and finds nothing wrong with living meekly

forever, then run — don’t walk! Having to date a low income, homeless, depressed guy looks adventurous in novels and Hollywood films, but not in real life.

Dearest Trinity, My partner loves shopping malls. Not to the point of being a shopaholic, but to the point of spending lots of time at the malls. How do I get him to change his ways?

Shopping Habits, Palm Springs, CA Dearest Habits, I also love shopping, hanging out and dining at the mall! It’s like a big museum of things, people and events, including outlet stores and

window displays. Everyone has their hobbies and shopping malls may be the way your partner expresses him/herself. Maybe, pumpkin, it’s cultural? (I just love stacking up the packages on my jaunt to the mall, as I am sure you can tell from looking at my cartoon!)

Hello Trinity, When I’m dating someone, I’m often physical with them for a period of time (a few weeks to months), then we become friends who strictly get together for sex. Do you think having sex with my “friends” impedes upon finding a long-term relationship?

Yours, Relationship Roaming, Seattle, WA Hello Roaming, Many people have friends with benefits or once-in-a-while sex partners. It’s as common as faux finishes and chenille throws.

If you make time for meeting and dating others, then you can have it all! Don’t fight it if it comes naturally. Learn to work it! But, if sleeping with your “friends” is in any way hindering your dating process, then stop! You don’t have to be celibate while dating, but you do have to be smart about how you spend your social and sexual energy. Oh, and honey, if all else fails, call me — I make a great “friend!”

Dear Trinity, Whenever I go out to meet people, it seems like no one hits on me. But, my friends point out that I am being cruised a lot more than I think. What am I missing?

Cruising To Be Cruised, Washington, DC Dear Cruising, It’s hard to know just when someone is interested, especially in some of those dark, sleazy parks, I mean placse. But, just so you don’t miss any important meetings, darling, here are: Trinity’s Cunning Tips For Knowing When (YBC) “You’re Being Cruised” 1. A smile, a wink, a nod or a stare always means beware. (YBC)

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a&e

2. When someone asks, “How are you? Are you alone? Can I buy you a drink?” (YBC) 3. When someone asks about your relationships, living situation and/or marital status.

(YBC) 4. When the waiter, flight attendant or bell captain gives you lots of things for free. (YBC) 5. W hen you start getting flowers, letters or singing telegrams. (YBC) 6. If you forgot your keys at the store and the clerk returns them with a box of heart shaped candies. (YBC) 7. W hen you notice the same person appearing at your gym, grocery store and luncheonette and does #1, #2 and/or #3. (YBC) 8. When the bank manager offers you an interest free loan or the IRS auditor wants to “make your day!” (YBC) 9. When a car follows you for miles, keeps pulling up next to you and does #1, #2 and/ or #3. (YBC) 10. Lastly, if you’re walking down the street and you notice someone whistling and blowing kisses at you. (YBC) Majorly! info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

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Q SEP NOV

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C A L E N DA R NOVEMBER 2014

To see more upcoming events, visit goqnotes.com/calendar/ Submit your event at goqnotes.com/eventsubmit/

Stonewall Kickball visits Raleigh Halifax Park 1015 Halifax St., Raleigh Noon

Stonewall Kickball Charlotte visits Raleigh for an All Star Game, featuring match-ups between leagues from Charlotte, Greensboro and Raleigh.

Afterwards, the teams head to Legends for an after-event party. facebook.com/stonewallkickball charlotte Present & Future of SEP NOV Charlotte’s Queer Community UNC-Charlotte Student Union, Room GHI 9201 University City Blvd., Charlotte 6-8:30 p.m.

The second in a multi-part series of panel discussions exploring the present and future of Charlotte’s LGBT community. The panel is an opportunity for community members to discuss their experiences living in Charlotte.

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PFLAG Gaston fundraiser SEP NOV Simonetti’s Pizza 6432 W. Wilkinson Blvd., Belmont All-day PFLAG Gaston hosts a fundraiser at Simonetti’s pizza. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. A portion of proceeds from purchased meals will benefit the organization.

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Harvest Round Up American Legion Post 208 801 E. South Main St., Waxhaw 7-11 p.m.

Southern Country Charlotte hosts its annual Harvest Round Up dance, collecting canned food for Loaves & Fishes of Union County. Admission is $5 or at least 3-4 cans of food. Beer and other alcohol beverages are not sold, but guests may bring their own. southerncountrycharlotte.com

SEP NOV

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Transgender Day of Remembrance Celebrated internationally on Nov. 21, the event will be marked at various activities across the region: ~ Charlotte: Nov. 20, 6:30-8:30 p.m.

Time Out Youth Center, 2320-A N. Davidson St. Vigil and community remembrance event

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Nov. 7-20 . 2014

Equality NC Gala Empire Room 203 S. Elm St., Greensboro 6 p.m.

Equality North Carolina hosts its eighth annual fundraising dinner, featuring award presentations and guest speakers including former NFL player Wade Davis. More information online on tickets and lodging. equalityncfoundation.org/gala/

SEP NOV

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Package Auction Charlotte City Club 121 W. Trade St., Suite 3100, Charlotte 7:30 p.m.

Hearts Beat as One Foundation hosts its second annual Package Auction, featuring hot and sexy auction participants with huge gift packages ready for your bid. All proceeds benefit the Dolly Parton Imagination Library Project, a children’s literacy program. heartsbeatone.org

SEP NOV

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Thanksgiving SEP NOV Gather with friends, family and loved ones for a homecooked meal and family time.

In Charlotte, community member Janice Covington will host dinner for those who want or need extra company or have no other place to go. A full, traditional Thanksgiving spread will be provided at no cost at Petra’s, 1919 Commonwealth Ave., 3 p.m.

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No Pants No Problem SEP NOV Studio 1212, 1212 E. 10th St., Charlotte, 10 p.m.

The concept couldn’t be any simpler: You come, you drop your pants, you dance in your underwear. The event will also feature a number of performances and installations from local artists and activists. The event is an safer-sex/harm-reduction awareness party. The Regional AIDS Interfaith Network (RAIN) will be on hand with condoms and other safer sex goodies.

Cover is $5 without pants and $10 with pants. Proceeds benefit RAIN.

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~ Columbia: Nov. 15, 7 p.m.

South Carolina State House, 1110 Gervais St. Candlelight vigil and memorial reading of the names ~ Durham: Nov. 20, 6-10 p.m.

CCB Plaza, 115 Market St. Vigil followed by fundraising benefitting transgen-

Submit your event to our calendar!

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Evening of Hope SEP NOV McGlohon Theater at Spirit Square 345 N. College St., Charlotte 7 p.m.

Benefit to raise funds and awareness for the Jeanne White-Ginder Food Pantry at Different Roads Home. Features live entertainment from the St. Luke Missionary Baptist Choir and Grammyand Dove-winning Gospel group, The Talley Trio. “Dallas” star Linda Gray will receive the group’s Hope and Inspiration Humanitarian Award. Tickets: $15-$35. VIP: $125. carolinatix.org

der programming at the LGBTQ Center of Durham and LGBT Center of Raleigh ~ Greensboro: Nov. 20, 7-8 p.m.

Tree of Life Counseling, 1821 Lendew St. Candlelight vigil and community remembrance event

~ Hickory: Nov. 20, 6-8 p.m.

Grace Chapel, Lenior Rhyne University, 625 7th Ave. NE Interfaith service with guest speaker the Rev. Debra Hopkins

SEP NOV

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You can submit your event to our comprehensive community calendar presented by qnotes, the LGBT Community Center of Charlotte and Visit Gay Charlotte. Submit your event at goqnotes.com/eventsubmit/ and get a threefor-one entry. All Charlotte-area events will appear on each of the three calendars at qnotes (goqnotes.com), the LGBT Center (lgbtcharlotte.org) and Visit Gay Charlotte (visitgaycharlotte.com).

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life

OUR PEOPLE:

Q&A with Spc. Elvis Wentzel Fort Bragg servicemember, U.S. Army

by Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com

Elvis welcomes Joseph home.

Joseph, left, and Elvis, right, on the day of their wedding.

The week that marriage equality became the law of the land in North Carolina, qnotes staff came across a heartwarming moment shared by two North Carolina servicemembers.

The American Military Partner Association and Equality North Carolina had shared a photo of U.S. Army Spc. Elvis Wentzel, 22, welcoming his husband Sgt. Joseph Wentzel, 25, back home after a deployment in Afghanistan. It’s a special moment for any couple, but this homecoming especially so because it happened on Oct. 13, the first full day same-gender marriages were legally recognized in their home state.

Given the unique history of the day and knowing Veteran’s Day was upcoming, qnotes reached out to speak to Elvis and Joseph. Just a few days later, we were on the phone with Elvis. Joseph was still taking care of finalizing his return home. The interview has been edited for clarity and brevity.

Matt Comer: Where are you from and how long have you and Joseph been in the U.S. Army?

Elvis Wentzel: I’m originally from Jacksonville, N.C., and I’ve been in the Army for two-and-ahalf years. Joseph is from Illinois and has just started his fourth year in the Army.

Are you legally married and how did you meet?

Yes, we are legally married. We met in April 2013. We were friends for the first week and started dating for about three months. He proposed to me on July 3. On Sept. 28, 2013, we drove up to Washington, D.C., to get married.

Did it feel special knowing you welcomed Joseph back home, coincidentally, on the first

full day your marriage was recognized at home?

It was. He deployed four months after we got married. Since the federal government recognized our marriage, though, a month after we got married we were able to start our lives in an actual apartment instead of both of us staying in the barracks. We had gotten two dogs and we had our own little family going on for about three months before he deployed.

What was it like having him gone for so long?

He was gone for about 265 days. He missed Valentine’s Day. He missed the one year stepping stone of us being together. He missed his birthday. He missed our one-year wedding anniversary. He missed a lot of great events in our lives which would have been firsts for us. We were only able to talk on Skype and see each other face to face twice in the period.

How have your colleagues reacted to you and Joseph? Have y’all had any problems in the military?

When I was in basic training, I was very hesitant. I was going away from home for the very first time. I didn’t have a problem in basic training at all and a lot of my comrades, we’re all very friendly. I’m still friends with a lot of them and they know my husband. Everyone in my higher command, they are very, very accepting. Joseph wasn’t out in his company, but when we got married, he slowly came out.

Some people said they kind of knew already, but when they found out everybody was accepting. The military has been very accepting and the changes that they’ve made have been amazing. : :

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