QNotes, November 29, 2019

Nov. 29-Dec. 12, 2019

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inside this issue

Nov. 29-Dec. 12, 2019 Vol 34 No 16

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contributors this issue

Mykah Buff, Louis Ghiraldi, Jack Kirven, Lainey Millen, Jesse Monteagudo, Chris Rudisill, Terri Schlichenmeyer, Mark Segal, Trinity

front page

Graphic Design by Chris Rudisill & Lainey Millen Photography: Berchtesgaden via Adobe Stock Mission:

The focus of QNotes is to serve the LGBTQ and straight ally communities of the Charlotte region, North Carolina and beyond, by featuring arts, entertainment, news and views content in print and online that directly enlightens, informs and engages the readers about LGBTQ life and social justice issues.

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Advertisers assume full responsibility — and therefore, all liability — for securing reprint permission for copyrighted text, photographs and illustrations or trademarks published in their ads. The sexual orientation of advertisers, photographers, writers, cartoonists we publish is neither inferred nor implied. The appearance of names or photographs does not indicate the subject’s sexual orientation. qnotes nor its publisher assumes liability for typographical error or omission, beyond offering to run a correction. Official editorial positions are expressed in staff editorials and editorial notations and are determined by editorial staff.

The opinions of contributing writers and guest columnists do not necessarily represent the opinions of qnotes or its staff. qnotes accepts unsolicited editorial, but cannot take responsibility for its return. Editor reserves the right to accept and reject material as well as edit for clarity, brevity.

charlotteobserver.com/1166/ a local news partner of The Charlotte Observer

8 Black-Market Silicone Injections Appear To Be a Rite of Passage in the Transgender Female Community

Hallmark, Lifetime

It’s time to binge on Christmas movies on some of TVs networks, but one thing is missing — ones that feature LGBTQ couples and that on-screen kiss that always seals the deal.

news

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6 Service Org Releases Statement On Stance 6 Quilt to leave Georgia 6 News Briefs 7 Veteran Benefits to be Restored

a&e 14 17

Jake Borelli: Real Deal Tell Trinity

life 10 Holiday Gift Guide 12 Holiday Book Gift Giving 12 The Choice To Make Physical Changes for Transgender Individuals Varies 15 Health & Wellness: Covert Narcissist?

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Jesse’s Journal: Perfect Trumper Hallmark, Lifetime Jesse’s Journal: Pedro Zamora

events 18 Nutcracker

Jake Borelli: The ‘Real Deal’

Actor Jake Borelli has been going nonstop in his craft lately. He’s a supporting actor on ABC’s ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ and he’s got a lot more going for him with his multi-talents.

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Nov. 29-Dec. 12, 2019

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The Perfect Trumper Jesse’s Journal

BY Jesse Monteagudo | Guest Contributor

In a state of anger, Hoyt Deau Hutchison put a gash into Baby Trump in Tuscaloosa, Ala. (Photo Credit: Michael Reeve via Flickr. CC BY-SA 2.0 license)

W

hen Donald Trump promised to “Make America Great Again” millions of Americans followed him to the White House and beyond. To them Trump was the leader who would bring the USA back to the good old days, albeit a largely imaginary one where women obeyed their menfolks, minorities knew their place, queer people stayed in their closets and immigrants were white. To Trump’s followers, politics became a matter of good versus evil and Trump is the Messiah who will surely vanquish evil in the name of God, guns and the nuclear family. Any proof to the contrary is just fake news concocted by the liberal media and other political enemies.

Hoyt Deau Hutchinson is a Perfect Trumper. A white, working class male with a high school education, the 32-year old Hutchinson fits the profile of the typical Trump supporter. Hutchinson’s politics are unsurprisingly conservative: He once posted an article entitled “10 Reasons Why Homosexual ‘Marriage’ Is Harmful and Must Be Opposed.” Hoyt keeps up with politics by watching Fox News, especially his favorite TV personalities, Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity.

And Hutchinson takes his politics seriously. On Nov. 9 the president visited Tuscaloosa, Ala. — definitely Trump country — to watch the University of Alabama play Louisiana State University at Bryant-Denny Stadium. (LSU won 4641.) Also present was “Baby Trump,” a 20foot tall balloon that anti-Trump protesters use to mock the president wherever he might be.

“Baby Trump” is a joke, but Hoyt Hutchinson was not laughing. Instead, he “was shaking with anger” when he saw Baby Trump near Bryant-Denny Stadium and vowed to “pop this balloon,” according to his Facebook post. Hoyt yelled at the protesters but worried that they might see him so he bought an Alabama shirt to

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Nov. 29-Dec. 12, 2019

blend into the crowd. Approaching Baby Trump under the pretext of wanting to photograph it, Hutchinson used a material cutter with a sharp razor to cut an eight-foot long gash in the balloon. “Hoyt made sure our beloved President didn’t have to see this disrespectful balloon on the streets of T-town today,” said the GoFundMe page that Hutchinson started to raise money for legal fees. Though Hutchinson tried to get away, he was arrested and charged with criminal mischief.

“Trump 2020,” Hutchinson cried as he was led away.

Hutchinson soon became a hero to the MAGA crowd. Supporters and wellwishers sent him messages of congratulations and his GoFundMe page raised over $45,000 in just a few days. Hutchinson posted bail and two days later he called the syndicated radio program “Rick & Bubba Show” to express his views. “I get so mad about people not taking a stand.

The Left wants to use religion against you like you shouldn’t act like this and stuff but I’ll tell you this — the Devil knows the Bible as good as we do,” he said. “We don’t have two parties anymore. We have good versus evil. When you got one party that says it’s OK to kill babies and, by the way, this is the first time I’ve ever seen a liberal get mad about chopping up a baby.” When asked if his slashing was similar to Jesus driving the money changers from the Temple, Hutchinson agreed.

Sadly, Hutchinson is not alone. There are many Perfect Trumpers out there, especially in Tuscaloosa where Trump was cheered by his supporters at the Alabama/LSU game. By his violent rhetoric, at campaign rallies and elsewhere, Trump encourages his followers to commit acts of violence. Hutchinson’s act only damaged a balloon. Future Hutchinsons might go further, killing reporters, political progressives and minority members alike in the name of Donald Trump. : :

Hallmark, Lifetime The Gay Question

BY Mark Segal | Guest Contributor

L

ike me, I’m sure you’re beginning to think about the holidays. The Hallmark Channel and Lifetime are already running holiday romance movies 24/7. This year, not only do they have holiday movies for the black community, they even have one that has a Jewish storyline. Wonder if they have a Chanukah bush? These new movies are an attempt to be diverse and inclusive.

So, Hallmark and Lifetime, how long are we going to have to wait for that LGBTQ holiday romance movie? After all, the channels produce at least 32 new movies each for the holiday extravaganza — 64 films between the two of them. Netflix, Amazon Prime, Apple TV and other streaming services also add to the holiday-movie producing spectacle with many of their own. We don’t exist, but we should, since the demographics, ratings and advertising dollars for LGBTQ shows are already there.

GLAAD, which serves as the leading authority and watchdog of media for the LGBTQ community, recently reported in their Where We Are on TV Report, “Broadcast television exceeds GLAAD Challenge in just one year as percentage of LGBTQ series regulars reaches all-time high.”

Take a look at how well LGBTQ characters are doing on TV. Is there any question that the gay couple on “Modern Family” is why that show has high ratings? Same for “Will & Grace.” In daytime, Ellen is queen. There’s nothing that controversial about LGBTQ characters on TV any longer. Even in the

LGBTQ reporters. And what’s up with all the gay male meteorologists?

At the movies, the money is rolling in — three movies last year with major LGBTQ characters made over $100 million at the box office.

Universal even has a program to increase LGBTQ participation on screen and behind the camera.

Hallmark and Lifetime movies are so formulated that plotlines show the difference between the two channels. On Hallmark, a couple meets, begins to fall in love, and each person knows that they’re perfect for the other; then, a dramatic moment when the two are about to have their first kiss is interrupted by someone. In the end, the audience has to wait until the last scene to have that first kiss. On Lifetime, the first kiss comes at about the 90-minute mark, and more of the storyline follows.

Which demographics are waiting breathlessly for those kisses? Women and gay men. So ratings won’t be hurt. The competition to witness the first gay kiss will most likely make it a hit. As for advertisers, they’re already there. Can you imagine Target, to name one, pulling their Hallmark advertising budget over a gay kiss? The reality is new advertisers want to be in on the event, and even if The question is when will Hallmark and Lifetime have a gay couple as their main not, the backlash would be too much to overcome. characters for its Christmas movie season and will the ending be sealed with the The formula you have, we all love, and it will traditional kiss? (Photo Credit: Monkey Business via Adobe Stock) work just as well for a gay couple. We can wait 90 minutes for a first kiss. We can even wait two news divisions, Rachel Maddow is the ratings queen of hours, as long as it’s between people like us. So, news, while all TV networks and cable news outlets have Hallmark, Lifetime: How about a gay Christmas in 2020? : :

Nov. 29-Dec. 12, 2019

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BRIEFS

news Service org releases statement on stance DALLAS, Texas — The Salvation Army has released a statement about the LGBTQ community following allegations that the group was anti-gay.

The service organization said: “We’re saddened to learn that a corporate partner has felt it necessary to divert funding to other hunger, education and homelessness organizations — areas in which The Salvation Army, as the largest social services provider in the world, is already fully committed. We serve more than 23 million individuals a year, including those in the LGBTQ+ community. In fact, we believe we are the largest provider of poverty relief to the LGBTQ+ population. When misinformation is perpetuated without fact, our ability to serve those in need, regardless of sexual orientation, gender identity, religion or any other factor, is at risk. We urge the public to seek the truth before rushing to ill-informed judgment and greatly appreciate those partners and donors who ensure that anyone who needs our help feels safe and comfortable to come through our doors.”

The partner in question is Chick-fil-A, which in 2020 and beyond, will stop contributing to the Salvation Army and the Fellowship of Christian Athletes due to their new giving protocol which takes them from multi-year commitments to a year-to-year philanthropic approach. In this new direction, the chicken-sandwich chain will use a “more focused giving approach” with monies being directed to organizations working on the areas of education, homelessness and hunger, as well as Junior Achievement USA and Covenant House, MarketWatch reported. The inclusivity and support of gay rights angle has created a backlash on social media. Posters claim that Chick-fil-A caved to the “left-wing mob,” MarketWatch added.

Is this paying lip service to LGBTQ groups and did it cave to pressure?

The Greensboro News & Record reported that North Carolina-based evangelist Franklin Graham said no to these questions. He shared that he had a conversation with Chick-fil-A CEO Dan Cathy who said that the company “remains committed to Christian values.”

Graham added, “In my opinion, the gay movement wouldn’t ever be happy with Chick-fil-A unless they were open on Sunday, gave all of their charitable donations to LGBTQ organizations, and flew the rainbow flag over their stores!”

Earlier in November, singer Ellie Goulding’ threatened to cancel an appearance at the Dallas Cowboys’ Thanksgiving Day game, the Washington Times reported. Goulding’s research resulted in her telling her Instagram followers that she had no choice but to pull out of the show unless the Salvation Army made a pledge or contribution to the LGBTQ community. This all came about after Goulding shared a photo of her working at a New York City shelter with the Salvation Army which caused a backlash, the Times added.

The organization said that it was a “myth” that they were discriminatory toward LGBTQ individuals and group. According to the Times, The Dallas Morning News shared a statement from National Commander David Hudson in which he said, “With an organization of our size and history, myths can perpetuate,” adding “An individual’s sexual or gender identity, religion, or lifestyle has no bearing on our willingness to provide service. We stand firmly behind our mission to meet human needs in His name without discrimination.”

WIth Goulding back on for the halftime show, Hudson told Fox News, “We’d like to thank Ellie Goulding and her fans for shedding light on misconceptions and encouraging others to learn the truth about The Salvation Army’s mission to serve all, without discrimination. We applaud her for taking the time to learn about the services we provide to the LGBTQ community. Regardless of race, ethnicity, sexual orientation or gender identity, we’re committed to serving anyone in need.”

The football game served as the kick-off for the Salvation Army’s Red Kettle campaign, Fox News reported. info: salvationarmyusa.org. bit.ly/33iE6wH. fxn.ws/2qHCIX5. on.mktw.net/2Om6pGp. bit.ly/2XKlPal. — Lainey Millen

Quilt to leave Georgia, heads to new stewardships WASHINGTON, D.C. — The NAMES Project Foundation (NPF) announced that the National AIDS Memorial will become the new caretaker of the AIDS Memorial Quilt and NAMES Project programs. As part of the transition, the NAMES Project and the National AIDS Memorial have agreed to jointly gift care and stewardship of The Quilt’s archival collections to the American Folklife Center at the Library of Congress, making this collection available through the world’s largest public library.

This decision will return The Quilt to the San Francisco Bay Area, where 32 years ago during the height of the AIDS epidemic, a group of strangers gathered at a San Francisco storefront to remember the names and lives of their loved ones they feared history would forget — and with that seemingly simple act of love and defiance, the first panels of The Quilt were created.

“This is the culmination of decades of work that achieves a vision long held

by The NAMES Project leadership who, armed with an unwavering commitment to The Quilt, were determined to see that the AIDS Memorial Quilt would stand the test of time,” said Julie Rhoad, president and CEO of The NAMES Project Foundation. “With this set of new caretakers, we are confident that the legacy of The Quilt and The NAMES Project is secure.”

Since 1987, The NAMES Project Foundation has cared for The Quilt and its associated archives. It has been headquartered in Atlanta, Ga. since 2001 The Quilt and its programs, which include display activities, panel making, conservation and public education efforts, will transition to the National AIDS Memorial in early 2020. It will be a component of a “Center for Social Conscience” that the National AIDS Memorial plans to build in the coming years, which will be grounded in the story of the AIDS epidemic, social justice action and change.

The American Folklife Center at the Library of Congress will become the new home for the National AIDS Memorial Quilt Archive in 2020. This archival collection currently totals more than 200,000 items. It includes biographical records, correspondence, photographs, tributes, epitaphs, news clippings and artifacts submitted by panel makers that add context about the lives memorialized on The Quilt panels.

The archive also documents the creation, marketing and exhibition of The Quilt over the past 32 years. Digital assets include images of all the Quilt blocks and detailed information about the creators of quilt panels. The American Folklife Center will preserve the archival records, which will be made available to researchers and the public after archivists process and organize the materials.

The announcement was made during a ceremony in the Great Hall at the Library of Congress with House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Congressman John Lewis and Congresswoman Barbara Lee, speaking to the power of The Quilt. They were joined by the founders of The Quilt, families who lost loved ones to AIDS, quilt panel-makers, representatives from The NAMES Project Foundation, National AIDS Memorial, Library of Congress, AIDS organizations and quilt long-time supporters.

More than 50,000 individual 3-by-6-foot memorial panels — commemorating more than 105,000 individual lives of people who have died of AIDS — have been sewn together by friends, lovers and family members.

Each year, thousands of panels of The Quilt are displayed throughout the U.S. and worldwide. info: aidsmemorial.org. loc.gov.

— Compiled by Lainey Millen

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Nov. 29-Dec. 12, 2019

N.C. correspondent dies

Gay author and journalist Perry Deane Young, 77, died in Chapel Hill from cancer, Stock Daily Dish reported. The North Carolina native, who grew up near Asheville, found fame as a United Press International Vietnam War correspondent. He also penned plays and books which included “The David Kopay Story” depicting a coming out storyline.

info: bit.ly/35EqVrB.

Attorney receives journal award

Marie-Amélie George, a law assistant professor at Wake Forest University School of Law has received The Michael Cunningham Prize for her article entitled “Bureaucratic Agency: Administering the Transformation of LGBT Rights” that appeared in the Yale Law and Policy Review.

The award was given in recognition of the best sexual orientation and gender identity law review articles of 2018 by The Dukeminier Awards Journal at the University of California, Los Angeles.

Deadline for the 2019 selections consideration is Dec. 15.

info: williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu.

Baptist leader shows ‘act of hospitality’

The president of the Southern Baptist Convention, J.D. Greear, has said in podcast that “when “communicating with a person who identifies as transgender, he personally would ‘lean toward’ using the individual’s ‘preferred pronoun’ as an act of ‘hospitality’ before the telling them biblical truth,” Christian News reported.

The “truth” he refers to, however, is that gender is determined by genetics, not feelings. He also said that calling a person by their name instead of by a pronoun, is more acceptable, taking cues from writer Andrew Walker.

info: bit.ly/2pMkWBD.

Subaru helps raise HIV/AIDS funds

Corporate sponsor Subaru of America lent their support to raise funds for the Dining Out for Life single-day event held nationally across North America. This year’s record-breaking totals amounted to more than $4.2 million that will be used to assist HIV/AIDS service providers in their work. Restaurants contributed a percentage of sales while local HIV/ AIDS service organizations helped fill the 2,429 participating restaurants with an estimated 380,867diners.

info: subaru.com. diningoutforlife.com.

Medicaid numbers in on study

Over 150,000 transgender adults are enrolled in Medicaid in the U.S., according to a new analysis by the Williams Institute at the University of California, Los Angeles School of Law. Eighteen states and D.C. have chosen to specifically include coverage for gender-affirming care under their Medicaid programs or are in the process of extending coverage, while 12 states exclude coverage for such care and 20 states have not expressly addressed coverage.

info: bit.ly/37BvioQ.

Catholic org director praises Pope

News Ways Ministry Executive Director Francis DeBernardo shared his sentiments about Pope Francis’s recent condemnation of the persecution of lesbian and gay people, stating that actions “typical of Nazism have reappeared in modern life,” and include the oppression of “people of a homosexual orientation,” among other marginalized groups.

info: newwaysministry.org.

Veteran benefits to be restored WASHINGTON, D.C. — On Nov. 11, the Modern Military Association of America (MMAA) released a statement that praised Rhode Island Gov. Gina Raimondo for signing into law legislation restoring state and local benefits to veterans discharged from the military under discriminatory policies like the former “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT). Signed into law on Nov. 8, the legislation establishes a process for veterans to upgrade their discharge status with the state to reflect their honorable service.

“This new law sends a powerful message of appreciation and support for veterans throughout Rhode Island that were discharged from the military solely because of their sexual orientation,” said MMAA Executive Director and Navy veteran Andy Blevins. “Every veteran deserves access to the benefits they earned honorably serving this great nation, including LGBTQ veterans.

MMAA was proud to work with Rhode Island State Rep. Camille Vella-Wilkinson in drafting this important legislation, and we applaud Gov. Raimondo for signing it into law.”

While the new state law does not change access to federal benefits, veterans discharged under DADT and previous discriminatory policies can apply with the federal government to have their records upgraded. MMAA assists veterans with that process as part of their mission for the LGBTQ military and veteran community.

In related news, New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo also signed into law the Restoration of Honor Act giving LGBTQ veterans who were denied an honorable discharge because of their sexual orientation or gender identity the right to apply to have their New York State veterans’ benefits restored.

Gov. Cuomo shared, “With this measure we are righting that wrong and sending a message to LGBTQ veterans that we have their backs, just as they had ours.”

Blevins, who was discharged under the former DADT law, stated, “New York just sent a powerful message of support for LGBTQ veterans who were kicked out of the military under deeply discriminatory policies.” He added, “New York is joining Rhode Island in leading by example to restore honor to LGBTQ veterans who deserve access to the benefits they earned honorably serving our nation. It’s important that Congress also take action to ensure these veterans also have access to their federal veterans benefits.”

An estimated 100,000 service members were discharged between WWII and 1992 based on their actual or perceived sexual orientation. Between 1993 and 2009, 13,194 LGBTQ service members were discharged under DADT. Most of those service members received less than honorable discharges, preventing them from accessing numerous state and federal veterans’ benefits.

MMAA is also currently working with members of Congress to streamline that process by passing the Restore Honor to Service Members Act. This federal legislation would correct the military records of service members discharged solely due to their sexual orientation to reflect their honorable service and reinstate the federal benefits they earned. info: modernmilitary.org.

— Compiled by Lainey Millen

SPECIAL ALERTS Census cracks up in Meck

The U.S. Census Bureau will take place in 2020 and Mecklenburg County has spearheaded an initiative to have the area well represented in the findings and ensure a complete count. To that end it has created MeckCounts 2020 and qnotes will have available information on how to be part of the nationwide effort. The local group has created a toolkit that includes everything needed to jumpstart a campaign at churches, organizations and more in both English and Spanish. Also, important answers are available on how the count impacts a number of services, as well as government representation. Now more than ever, it is important that all LGBTQ citizens participate in the one-every-10-year opportunity and let these voices be heard.

To be part of those who canvas, provide administrative support and more, apply online to be a temporary, seasonal employee of the U.S. Census Bureau. They are currently gearing up for the 2020 count and are hiring thousands to fill these important roles.

info: meckcounts2020.com. census.gov.

County seeks precinct officials

The Mecklenburg Board of Elections has issued an invitation to voters to become part of the process by applying for a number of positions available for the upcoming 2020 election season. Positions for precincts are chief judge, party judges, provisional transfer assistant, equipment assistant and general and poll book assistants who help during election day. Training is mandatory and help equip officials on their respective duties. Qualifications for selection include: must be a resident and registered voter in Mecklenburg County; be of good repute; able to read and write; not be an elected governmental official, precinct chair, manager or treasurer for any candidate or political party; and must not be a candidate up for election. Each of these positions are paid on a scale assigned to each by the North Carolina State Board of Elections. To be considered, prospects are asked to download a form and fill it out and return it to the county board. Once received, the board then makes decisions on those selected. Certain tasks require typing efficiency or the ability to lift up to 45 pounds.

This is a crucial year upcoming for elections and having LGBTQ individuals at precincts ensures that everyone is participating in the process. More importantly, if not registered to vote, do so. qnotes says, “If you do not vote, don’t complain if things are not to your liking. Help elect progressive candidates who will look out for your best interests.”

info: meckboe.org.

Nov. 29-Dec. 12, 2019

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life

Black-market silicone injections appear to be a rite of passage in the transgender female community

Many Individuals are Undergoing Dangerous Black-Market Procedures to Appease Others, Not Themselves

BY Mykah Buff | QNotes Staff Writer

T

he transgender community, particularly transgender women, have often resorted to black-market silicone injections in order to achieve a more feminine appearance. While there is definitely a significantly high level of risk in undergoing this type of procedure, as well as it being illegal, it seems to be a risk many individuals have been willing to take. qnotes sat down with Kysha Wellington, a transgender woman who has undergone black-market silicone injection procedures as well as having been a provider of these types of procedures for more than 20 years.

Wellington, 45, and a North Carolina native, said she was 16 years old when she had her first silicone injection procedure, which was her breasts. Having already been on hormone therapy for a number of years as well, bestowing natural feminine attributes, she said she didn’t require very much silicone in order to obtain her desired cup size.

“After getting pumped, my breasts were about a B cup,” Wellington said.

When asked what prompted her to get her first silicone injection procedure, Wellington replied by saying, “that her drag mother at the time had promised to pay for her breasts to be done as a birthday present.”

Undergoing any type of medical procedure is always a bit scary, but having a black-market silicone injection procedure performed by an individual who bears no medical credentials and lacks the necessary training for such an invasive procedure? Not to mention being completely conscious with no type of anesthesia or pain medication. One might think that an individual would be much more nervous prior to having this type of procedure done.

However, Wellington said she wasn’t the least bit scared and that she doesn’t recall experiencing any type of pain during her procedure.

“I was so excited, I don’t even remember having any type of pain,” said Wellington.

As an up-and-coming drag performer and an increasingly popular icon in the gay community, Wellington began having these types of procedures not to necessarily look more like a woman for her own personal reasons, but to help her to become a performer of higher caliber.

“After a girl would get pumped and then go perform on stage, the kids in the audience would gag at

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Nov. 29-Dec. 12, 2019

how they looked more like a real girl,” Wellington said.

“After winning my first pageant, I realized it was much easier to look better in my clothes if I actually had the body to fill out the garments that I would wear.”

According to Wellington, having these types of procedures done was a rite of passage for many transgender women, as well as drag performers. It made it easier to portray a feminine physique without having to wear prostheses, such as foam padding for the hips and buttocks.

Over the years, Wellington said she has undergone four procedures of silicone injections: having had her breasts, hips, thighs and cheeks injected with silicone.

While Wellington initially began having silicone injection procedures to promote her image as a drag performer, she said after venturing into the adult entertainment industry she learned that having these types of enhancements made her more appealing to her male clientele.

“Bigger is better for the clients,” Wellington said. “So, I continued getting pumped in order to please my male clients who sought out transgender women that were more feminine and passable.”

According to Wellington, there is an array of different contributing factors to why transgender women pursue having a blackmarket silicone injection procedure. As mentioned, for her, it was ultimately to appease her audience as a drag performer as well as to be more marketable in the adult entertainment industry. Which, according to her, are the two main reasons why transgender women have these types of procedures done.

Wellington said that many people are very rash when making the decision to have these types of procedures without considering the risk that comes with it. And, from what she’s observed in her community over the years, she said she feels that individuals are usually not motivated to get

procedures done in order to achieve a certain look for their own personal contentment, but to appease other people.

Gender dysphoria is a condition where an individual experiences discomfort or distress when their physical appearance does not match the gender with which they identify. That said, for a transgender woman, having certain changes made to the body can often alleviate the symptoms that coincide with this type of condition. However, from what qnotes has gathered from Wellington, having silicone injections is something that many transgender women pursue not to alleviate their symptoms of dysphoria, but to obtain the approval and admiration of others.

The idea of having any foreign substance injected into an individual’s body would lead most people to believe that no matter what precautions are taken, it would be potentially dangerous to an individual’s health. Although, Wellington said that both black-market as well as professional plastic surgery carry the same risk in some cases.

“The difference between black-market and legal procedures is when someone goes to a hospital to have a procedure done, they’re signing their life away,” said Wellington. “If they die on the table, which many people have, then the individual who performed the procedure is

covered because the patient signed documents relieving the medical provider of certain liabilities.”

Wellington said she doesn’t regret having her silicone injection procedures done, and that she’s been fortunate enough not to experience any type of complications. But as a local celebrity within the transgender and drag community, she said she does her best to implore the younger generation of transgender women to truly consider their reasons for altering their body, whether it be through the means of black-market procedures or by having professional plastic surgery done.

“If you’re going to put your life on the line to achieve a certain look, at least do it for the right reasons,” Wellington said.

While many people perceive black-market silicone injections to be a procedure that is primarily pursued see next page u

by transgender women, in recent years it has become increasingly common for cisgender women to have these types of procedures done.

After going through an extensive legal battle as a result of being a provider of blackmarket silicone injections, Wellington made the decision to no longer provide these types of procedures. However, she said that in the last 10 years she spent as a black-market silicone injection provider, the vast majority of her clientele were cisgender women.

“Transgender women aren’t the only girls getting pumped with silicone,” Wellington said. “Whether it’s an issue of money or merely wanting a shorter recovery time, a lot of genetic girls are veering from traditional plastic surgery to the black market for their work.”

As black-market silicone injections are becoming more common in mainstream society, it is growing increasingly more appealing to the masses, thus perpetuating the trend of these life-threatening procedures. While these types of procedures may be a great deal cheaper than going to an actual plastic surgeon, the element of risk of having a medical procedure performed anywhere but in a sterile environment by a certified medical provider, is just too great.

Apparently, that hasn’t stopped generations of women to pursue having these procedures done. : : Photo Credits: Berchtesgaden via Adobe Stock (insets); nikilitov (sidebar)

Why are black-market silicone injections so dangerous?

Black-market silicone injections have been quite common among the transgender female community for decades. However, these life-threating and illegal procedures have become increasingly popular with cisgender women as well, with the buttocks being the primary region of the body of which women are having those injected.

One would think that the possible dangers which surround undergoing these types of procedures would ward off an individual from doing so.

For starters, when someone allows an individual who is not a licensed medical professional to perform any type of invasive procedure, the risks are already extremely high. Furthermore, in terms of black-market silicone injections, an individual really has no way of knowing exactly what’s being injected into their body, as there have been many cases of fraudulent practitioners concocting all sorts of toxic substances and calling it silicone.

To name just a few they are: car silicone, vaseline and other petroleum-like substances.

In the event of having actual silicone injected freely into the body, a host of complications can arise, including: pulmonary embolism, infection, kidney failure, nerve damage, chest pain, breathing trouble, and in extreme cases, death. When silicone is injected into the body without any sort of barrier, it has the capability to migrate to other parts of the body, which not only carries life-threatening implications but can also cause an individual’s body to become extremely disfigured.

One can protect themselves best by going to a legal, licenced medical practitioner.

Nov. 29-Dec. 12, 2019

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Holiday Gift Guide 2019 Charlotte Holiday Shopping

By Chris Rudisill | QNOTES STAFF WRITER

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s we roll into December, the joy of holiday lights and time with the family is countered with crowded shopping malls and bulging credit card bills. In an effort to help you find some joy in the gift-giving of the season, we’ve pulled together a guide to help you traverse the holiday shopping journey with local, online and unique options at a variety of price points.

MAKE IT SPECIAL If you’re looking for something especially unique, try one of the many local gift shops in town. Our first stop was at Ruby’s Gift at 3204 N. Davidson St. in the NODA neighborhood.

750ml bottles. Craft brew and cider kits are also available. While you’re prepping for that holiday party, don’t forget to spice up your own look with a popular Sparkle Sister’s headband or party hat ($25). These artful headpieces have everything from tinsel to ornaments and are sure to make a statement. envycharlotte.com.

Finally, the popular Charlotte gift store Paper Skyscraper at 330 East Blvd. in Dilworth is often the first place recommended by locals for that special gift. Celebrating nearly 30 years in the community, founders Tim Hamilton and Ron Wootten sold the store to Charlotte couple Sybil and Bill Godwin earlier this year. The store offers just about everything for the

ardent gift-giver, including home goods, books, games, apparel, glassware, cards, and even specialty wrapping paper.

Check out the holiday glassware from Chez Gagné including “Festive AF” and “More Effective Than Mistletoe” stemless wine glasses ($14.95 each) or the Picnic Time Bristol Picnic Basket by Legacy in two sizes ($56.95 small, $84.95 large) that come complete with lunch service, corkscrew and salt and pepper shakers in a durable willow hinged basket with cotton lining. paperskyscraper.com.

The shop specializes in handmade items from local artisans including pottery, art, jewelry, home goods, clothing and accessories. Check out the handmade candles from Montford Wicks, a new addition to the store from a husband and wife team in the Queen City. My holiday favorites include “Festive Frankincense” and “Cypress & Bayberry” (both $25). For map lovers, the store offers beautifully designed community maps of Charlotte by Evan Plante of Docklands Design ($75 framed), or the “The Great” series of North Carolina maps by E.D.I.A. ($11 each) that make excellent stocking stuffers, highlighting Charlotte, the state’s obsession with barbecue, the best fried chicken around, and local brews. rubysgift.com.

Head over to Plaza Midwood for a stop at Green with ENVY, a 4,000-square-foot store at 1111 Central Ave. The gift boutique is furnished with several ideas for the holidays and has strategically marked “stocking stuffer” items throughout the store for that extra-needy shopper. If you’re tired of taking a bottle of wine to those parties this season, surprise your host with “Make Your Own Wine” boxes by American Dreams Craft-A-Brew ($69.95). The kits include everything you need to make your own special wine and promises to yield five

Happy Holidays!

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A community standard when it comes to LGBTQ gifts, White Rabbit is located at 920 Central Ave. The gift shop offers a wide variety of products, from cards and books to adult novelties and designer underwear and has been a fixture in the community for over 30 years. New items this holiday season include nearly a dozen new models of the collectible December Diamonds ($32), popular gay ornaments in Pride and holiday attire, including the Poke the Bear Collection.

New Andrew Christian Midnight Briefs ($30-$35) are the perfect gift to ignite those holiday flames. The stylish update on a classic brief looks and feels like velvet and comes in a sleek black design with gold detailing. Another new arrival at the store this holiday season is a line of pillows from Swish Embassy ($20$39.99). These super soft pillows give character to any space and include RuPaul and other LGBTQ pop culture icons. whiterabbitbooks.com.

MEMBERS ONLY As they say, membership has its privileges. Middle C Jazz opened its doors in Uptown Charlotte at the beginning of the month by father-son duo Larry and Adam Farber. The 4,800- square-foot jazz club, located at 300 S. Brevard St., features performances by Robyn Springer with Rodney Shelton, Brian Houze, Ziad Rabie and Paul Dozier Doors this weekend followed by Mel Gray Presents The Jazz Funk Factors, the Michelle Renee Group, Gino Castillo and the Gary Marcus Quintet featuring Tony Hayes capping off the club’s first two months. Special for the holidays, the club presents A Charlie Brown Christmas & Cool Holiday Favorites with The Sean Mason Trio for two shows on December 22. Tickets are $12-$17. Consider an annual membership at Middle C Jazz for that special music-lover in your life. The club is still offering a pre-opening price of $300 which includes early seating, special pricing for all shows, complimentary evening parking (as available), presale access for most shows, four ticket vouchers and more. middlecjazz.com.

For parents searching for LGBTQ-inclusive books, check out OurShelves. com. Launched by mother Alli Harper, the subscription company provides “diverse book boxes for children,” according to the website. Harper and her wife had struggled to find high-quality children’s books that reflect their two-mom family and their inclusive values. Books like “Harriett Gets Carried Away” centers a typical children’s book tale in a two-dad and racially diverse family. Others like “When Aidan Became a Brother” address transgender children openly and lovingly. You receive one book box every three months and options include the Sunshine Box for ages 0-2, the Rainbow Box for ages 2-5 and the Treehouse Box for ages 5-8. Pricing starts at $13.99, plus delivery. ourshelves.com/getstarted.

TRENDING TECH Topping the tech trends this holiday season are the GoPro HERO8 Black 4K Waterproof Action Camera, the AmazonBasics Microwave and my personal favorite, the Peak Design Everyday Backback. You can find these items at many of your local big box stores, or try online for some additional deals.

First up, the GoPro HERO 8 ($399.99) is the new flagship camera for the brand and offers the first new physical design in four generations. It’s smaller than its predecessor with a built-in mount, has a stronger and more compact lens, and features a new front-facing microphone for a promised, better sound quality. The biggest selling feature is the improvements on HyperSmooth and TimeWarp, two features originally introduced with the Hero7 Black model. If you’re looking to trade up, GoPro offers a $100 buy-back program when you trade any digital camera with an original retail of $99.99. gopro.com.

“Alexa, what’s for dinner?” Yes, Amazon is launching more voice command items that make our lives more futuristic. The small, simple AmazonBasics Microwave ($59.99) responds to Alexa voice commands without a hefty price-tag, but it does require an Echo device (not included) to use quick-voice presets allowing you to just ask Alexa to start microwaving. While currently the model doesn’t seem to save you from any significant stress, the software is always getting smarter and future presets along with connection to limitless online information could make those quick meals a bit easier. amzn.to/2pOKaiF.

Finally, the Peak Design Everyday Backpack ($259.95) may not seem like a huge tech trend, but the bag is the perfect accessory to keep all of your precious cargo safe. With an adjustable height laptop sleeve and customizable organization, it not only suits your daily commuting and travel needs it also looks great and is designed with photographers and techies in mind. The 100% recycled outer fabric is weatherproof with a nylon canvas shell, which should withstand the usual elements. peakdesign.com.

ONLINE SHOPPING In the age of Amazon online everything, it’s nearly impossible to not find that certain gift for any discerning friend. Online retail has also launched a plethora of entrepreneurs and that means unique opportunities for us, the shopper.

These two favorites blend both LGBTQ-inclusivity and Southern culture.

YAS Queen Industries was founded in 2017 and you’ve likely seen them selling their wares at the Charlotte Pride Festival.

The company, created by Malone Lockaby and Erin Goldstein, also donates a portion of all proceeds to LGBTQ and ally non-profit organizations in the community. YAS Queen specializes in T-shirts celebrating the LGBTQ community and “yas,” building on the popularity of the common wordplay exemplified in their name. Most T-shirts range from $20-$25. Check out options at their online store at squareup.com/store/yasqueenindustries.

You may have heard of their podcast, but The Bitter Southerner’s online store aptly named the “General Store” is one of the best kept secrets online, laced with all things special about the land of biscuits, whiskey and tomato sandwiches. Some favorites include the “All Y’all” Pride T-shirt ($30), “Bless Your Heart” Kitchen Towels ($15) and the American South Road Trip Guide ($20). The book, a terrific gift for those born here or new to the Carolinas, highlights “the soul and secrets of the region from folk artists, social-justice reformers, jazz icons, renowned storytellers, pitmaster legends and more.” For more, visit bsgeneralstore.com.

HEAD TO THE MARKET Community markets are all over the city, providing opportunities for local artists and small businesses to promote and sell their goods. The Starving Artist Market partners with the Charlotte Art League to bring together local artists and artisans at a variety of spots.

The next event will be a “Nightmare Before Christmas Popup Market” on Dec. 13 at Twenty-Six Acres Brewing Company, 7285 Westwinds Blvd. NW in Concord. Follow the group on Facebook.com or visit starvingartistmarketclt.com for up-to-date information on events and popups. starvingartistmarketclt.com.

The Metropolitan at 1100 Metropolitan Ave. in Charlotte will host Small Business Saturday from 10 a.m.-3 p.m. on Nov. 30. The market hosts over 40 vendors including pottery, jewelry, apparel, food, and more — all from local companies and artists. metropolitanclt.com.

Another market to check out is the Queen Flea Makers Market, a pop-up market at Summerbird Boutique, 2424 N. Davidson St. in NoDa. The holiday version is free to attend (with a $5 VIP option) and features over 50 local artists, makers, and thrifters. The event runs 5 p.m. to 10 p.m. on Nov. 29 and 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Nov. 30. facebook.com/ shopqueenflea : :

Give back to the community.

Check out the next issue of qnotes for wish lists highlighting ways you can support local non-profit organizations, on newsstands Dec. 13. Are you a non-profit organization that has an end-of-year or holiday wish list? If so, send your information to specialassignments@goqnotes.com to be included.

Nov. 29-Dec. 12, 2019

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The choice to make physical changes for transgender individuals varies A Number of Transgender Individuals Don’t Find It Necessary to Undergo Surgery

BY Mykah Buff | QNotes Staff Writer

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Making decisions on whether or not to undergo procedures is a matter of personal choice for those who are transgender. (Photo Credit: kriss75 via Adobe Stock)

s an umbrella term, the word transgender implies that an individual expresses his/ her/their gender differently than his/her/their assigned gender at birth. According to the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM–5), a transgender individual has a disorder known as gender dysphoria, which entails extreme discomfort accompanied by a range of negative feelings when an individual’s physical appearance does not match the way they feel internally.

In order to alleviate the symptoms associated with gender dysphoria, individuals often undergo a range of different surgeries as well as taking hormone therapy and estrogen or testosterone blockers. In addition to these measures, individuals often pursue counseling as well as participate in support groups.

Many transgender individuals do not pursue hormone therapy as well as surgeries, but simply feel they are a certain gender despite the biological reality. An individual’s gender may be more of a state of mind, and may even be interchangeable — with an individual’s gender identity or expression alternating from male to female on a daily basis.

As to the physical changes an individual makes to their body in order to appear more like their preferred gender, many eventually undergo sex-reassignment surgery in the final stages of their transition. However, not all transgender individuals find it necessary to have this type of procedure.

Fortunately, society’s awareness and knowledge of transgender people has greatly improved in recent years. Many social media platforms have begun providing users with an array of gender identity options, as Facebook added more than 50 custom gender options in 2014 for those who do not identify as male or female. qnotes met up with Octavia Moore, a transgender woman who began her transition of more than 15 years ago. see Transgender on 16

Good ‘family’ reads are tops for holiday gift-giving Out in Print

BY terri schlichenmeyer | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

S

o, it’s a wrap.

Everything’s under paper and under the tree. You’re done with all your shopping, except for one person. Or two. Maybe four.

So what do you get for that hard-to-buy-for person who never likes anything? Well, as they say, a book is a present they’ll open again and again, so why not head to your local bookstore for these great gifts: For the person who loves someone who doesn’t identify strictly as male-female will appreciate unwrapping “She He They Me” by Robyn Ryle this year. It’s a book that acts a bit like those old “choose-your-own-adventure” as it examines and explains gender, its definitions and the way it’s been perceived historically. Hint: this is fun, and it’s also a book for someone who’s questioning.

If your giftee is exploring the ideas and limits of gender, you can’t go wrong by wrapping up “Nonbinary: Memoirs of Gender and Identity,” edited by Micah Rajunov and Scott Duane. This is a book filled with tales of those who’ve examined (or are examining) questions of gender, sexuality, age, and race.

For the child with two Mommies or two Daddies, and for the kids in that child’s preschool session, “The GayBCs”

by M.L. Webb will make a great class gift. It’s the A-B-Cs, but with terms familiar to the LGBTQ community and their families, so it’s for them, too. Or it might make a great gift for the adult who still possesses the wonder of a child. Or for an adult, just because.

For the newlywed (or the about-to-be-wed), “The Gay Marriage Generation” by Peter Hart-Brinson is the book to give. It takes a look at how same-sex marriage became law across the country, and how it changed the

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way America looks at gay men and lesbians. The gay giftee might also like “Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men’s Lives” by Walt Odets in that same wrapped gift.

The person on your list who enjoys reading short stories will love “Every True Pleasure: LGBTQ Tales of North Carolina,” edited by Wilton Barnhardt. It’s absolutely filled with tales from the South and from the heart.

For the parent of someone who’s come out this year, consider giving “Embracing the Journey” by Greg and Lynn McDonald, with Beth Jusino, foreword by Greg McDonald Jr. It’s a guide, really, for Christian parents who learn that their child is gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender and how it fits with their spiritual beliefs.

The movie buff on your list will love reading “Hollywood Chinese: The Chinese in American Feature Films” by Arthur Dong. This beautifully illustrated book tells the story of Chinese and Chinese American actors from the first films shot in Chinatown, to modern times and contemporary film professionals. How can you go wrong?

For the giftee who is searching for new meaning in life, wrap up “My Buddha is Pink: Buddhism for the Modern Homosexual” by Richard Harrold. It’s a book of essays on being a gay Buddhist and reconciling old beliefs with a new way of mindfulness and fulfillment in a new lifestyle.

For the lover of music, feminism, and fierce women, “No Walls and the Recurring Dream” by Ani Di Franco will make a perfect gift. It’s the story of Di Franco’s first 30 years on earth, her activism, her life and her music.

If you’ve got a kid on your gift list who’s wrestling with issues of sexuality, consider “Zenobia July” by Lisa Bunker. It’s the story of a young girl who used to live as a boy but decides to live as the girl she knows she is. But will the other kids at her new school ever accept her as she really is?

And now the homework: Books change, release dates change, things get cancelled, none of this is brain surgery or set in concrete. If you have any questions, need more ideas or need help finding things, be sure to ask your local booksellers.

They’re the ones wearing invisible SuperHero logos, because they know things and they know how to make your giftee smile.

Seriously, they’re just that good.

Season’s Readings! : :

Nov. 29-Dec. 12, 2019

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a&e

Jake Borelli: Truly the Real Deal ‘Grey’s’ Actor Brings Talents to Small Screen

BY Louis Ghiraldi | Guest Contributor

‘Grey’s Anatomy’ Actor Jake Borelli

I

f you have ever spent time in a hospital, you are probably familiar with the term, “STAT,” a fast moving response to an urgent situation. In a lot of ways, STAT can also apply to the career of Jake Borelli of ABC’s iconic “Grey’s Anatomy.” Although Borelli is a veteran actor from an early age,

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his current meteoric success is fast moving and gaining momentum.

Unlike some of today’s actors, Borelli succeeds because of substance rather than style and looks alone.

He carries himself in a genuine, natural way that resonates with the public and personifies the real deal. Borelli is a social media star with almost 400,000 followers on Instagram and an ever-expanding Twitter presence as well. His fans remain extremely loyal and won’t be forgetting about him anytime soon. Borelli interacts with his fans on a regular basis in a sincere and appreciative manner.

The kid from Columbus has come full- circle this year, returning to his hometown to be King of the Pride parade, out and successful. Borelli without hesitation points out,”It was special to return home fully out of the closet with my whole family there.”

That special moment has been repeated on numerous occasions since he came out publicly 12 months ago. “I’ve had the chance to meet so many wonderful people who have accepted me and offered kindness,” he reflects on this whirlwind period. In his usual humble, down-to-earth demeanor, Borelli adds that it’s about “being himself”

and he will never change his approach to people and kindness he gives genuinely in return.

Those early days after he came out of the closet were interesting to say the least, going into uncharted waters personally. “I was terrified, no idea of what to expect, pressure to be open and people respecting my decision,” Borelli said. In a case of art imitating life, Grey’s introduced its first gay male storyline involving Borelli’s character Levi, so he felt the time was right to make his decision. Even casual viewers of the show can see how the stories intersect each other and characters grow, flaws and all. Borelli points out, “We tell human stories, that everyone can relate to.” And his fans have certainly related to him. As one of the most popular young actors on television, Borelli is destined to play the long game. Don’t be surprised to see ABC lock him up with a long-term development deal for “Grey’s” and beyond. He has that “it” factor and audiences are responding in turn.

Borelli remains an intregal part of the show, the next generation as it were. The growth of his character and in his personal life has transcended the television screen and hit home with viewers. At first look, it was the realness Borelli brought to the role that appealed to audiences. “I try to bring vulnerability to every role that I play,” he describes. As a 10-year veteran in Los Angeles, Borelli has wowed viewers on Nickelodeon and Netflix before landing the prized role on “Grey’s.” When you see television’s most famous scruff, it appears that Borelli should be a spokesperson for “Art of Shaving” and not a doctor. But facial hair, glasses and awkwardness in his early episodes made Dr. Levi Schmitt a fan favorite and “Grey’s” regular.

While maintaining a busy production schedule, Borelli remains very active in his charity work, including AIDS Walk LA, the LGBTQ Center and the GLAAD Awards among others. Some actors do these events strictly for the photo-op, for Borelli it’s real, it’s his life and extremely personal.

His commitment is never-ending. It was these charitable causes that led Borelli to another first this summer, doing stand up

comedy in Los Angeles. He actually enjoyed it and judging from the reviews was pretty good, so you may see him at it again.

Being on television weekly for an audience of millions doesn’t stress out Borelli, but while on location in Seattle recently, he was asked to throw out the first pitch at a Mariners’ game. Never to back away from a challenge, he did it. “So stressful, warmed up before the game, but I was all over the place,” though he jokingly says he blacked out and doesn’t remember. It went well, he didn’t bounce it in and the crowd loved it.

The creative arts were always in his blood. Borelli has diverse interests, ranging from needlepoint to traveling and, of course, his love of Catherine O’Hara. Even if he had stayed in Columbus, Borelli says “I would’ve been a painter and, of course, acting.”

Currently taking singing lessons, Borelli enjoys going to New York multiple times a year to Broadway Binge shows over a few days. It seems very likely that Borelli will be featured in a Broadway show in the not-too-distant future.

This 28-year-old actor is always on the go, suitcase packed, and traveling is an important love of his. Japan has been his favorite country to visit so far. Brazil is on his bucket list, “We have such a huge fan base there, I would love to go visit.” It may be a while though, “Grey’s” is showing no signs of slowing down and 20 seasons seems like a given by now. “I love it here; I want to stay as long as they will have me,” says Borelli of the show and his castmates, a fun, close-knit group.

So often you come across people on television, meet them and realize it’s not them at all. Jake Borelli is, in fact, the person you see on TV and feel you know.

Decent, humble, caring, a truly genuine person. After all, millions of people can’t be wrong, both personally and professionally. Borelli is the “Real Deal” and sure to be on our radar for a long time to come. : : Jake Borelli stars in “The Thing about Harry,” premiering in February on Freeform (formerly ABC Family). Check local listings. This marks Freeform’s first foray into the Gay Rom-Com arena.

life

Am I a covert narcissist?

Health & Wellness: An Honest Assessment and Reaction

BY Jack Kirven | qnotes contributor At any rate, yes: I enjoy alone time when I can decompress. I am intensely affected by other people’s emotions. I am a detail-oriented perfectionist. I do have a low tolerance for overstimulation. I do burn myself out. My instincts are usually perfect (which is why it’s so frustrating that I often ignore them). I love TMI, both giving and hearing it. It helps me connect to others and understand what someone needs.

I have trouble shutting down to sleep. I cry a lot, no matter what I’m feeling. I am a problem solver.

(Great… so many sentences starting with I, I, I and me, me, me.)

Not an easy task, it takes some assesment and introspection to determine of one is a narcissist or not. (Photo Credit: theartofphoto via Adobe Stock)

I

t’s traumatizing to watch 12 years of friendship be incinerated in 12 seconds, especially when the event happens within the sacred space of home. There’s fault and blame to go around, and there’s also willful ignorance, denial and rationalization. And then there’s passive aggressive pettiness. The kind that’s specifically tailored in an attempt to use personal information like a weapon. It’s so obvious that it isn’t so much hurtful as annoying or exasperating.

As everyone now goes their separate ways, I afforded one more glance over one of the two’s social media feed. So much immaturity. Lizzo again? Really? A jab at microcurrent treatments for skin care? Pfft. But what’s this? An article (bit. ly/2OFdRuP) about Covert Narcissists? Oh, hell no! He’s telling people I’m a narcissist?? How can anyone possibly think that about me?

Well… wait. I see a lot of myself in that article.

That’s a disturbing prospect, given my own experiences with malignant narcissists. Can that brush off on me? I’m having a Harry Potter moment where I ask Dumbledore if what I’ve experienced is now inside me, changing me. That’d be insidious: One more lingering injury at their hands. So, let me find out what an Internet diagnosis might look like, because if that’s true about me, I need to know it and address it. I really don’t identify that way AT ALL, but now I need to know if I’m deluding myself or being gaslighted by former confidants.

Arguments toward me being a covert narcissist I’m writing this article for an audience.

I mean…

I’m an INFJ (The Counselor: Introversion, Intuition, Feeling, Judgment) on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. People seem to think that’s a red flag. But, honestly, I’m not sure how scientific self-testing is, so I’m not sure how much stock to put in this train of thought.

Barry Kaufman in an article (bit. ly/34gyqEw) at Scientific America writes: “… covert narcissists were more prone to feelings of neglect or belittlement, hypersensitivity, anxiety, and delusions of persecution.” That’s not very encouraging.

A blogger named Meredith Kavanagh has seven pretty damning observations (bit.ly/2rmdltH): 1) There are times I really do feel that what someone’s talking about isn’t interesting; 2) As a result I do judge quickly what I want to hear and then tune people out very easily; 4) (Yes, I skipped 3, “Lack of Empathy”) I can be passive aggressive, definitely; 5) I’m very sensitive to criticism, though I’m pretty sure it’s not because I can’t believe someone doesn’t think I’m perfect; 6) I do frequently feel deeply misunderstood; and 7) I do hold people at a distance, and I do prefer to avoid socializing. Again, not very encouraging.

I think I’m going to cry.

Arguments against me being a covert narcissist I’m writing this article for an audience.

I mean…

Let me push back a little on Meredith’s seven traits: If I understand empathy correctly (and now I’m not sure at all that I do), I have lots of it: “They don’t care when you’re going through a hard time, and they don’t think about how their actions affect others.” Absolutely not true at all. Not. At. All. Not one iota. This does not describe me even a little bit. On a 1-5, this gets a 0.

I might also seem to be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). According to Meredith Kavanagh’s other observations (bit.ly/2OeSX78), “HSPs aren’t even on the narcissism scale. In fact, they’re basically the opposite of narcissists, even if they do show some of the same outward traits.” Well, how helpful is this even turning out to be, Meredith? I’m confused on when this applies or it doesn’t, hence the probably futile nature of this exercise.

And the results say Coming back around to Barry Kaufman, he created a 23-question test to help people identify where they might be on the spectrum for the Maladaptive Covert Narcissism Scale (bit.ly/34gyqEw).

(Note: Remember, self testing isn’t something I put much faith in.) I scored a 65, which is exactly average. According to Kaufman, “If, however, your score was 82 and above, you scored high in covert narcissism. And if your score was above 97, well, you might want to own yourself as a card-carrying covert narcissist, instead of constantly telling people to stop criticizing you because your sensitive, introverted soul can’t handle it.”

But here’s something I found interesting, if not rather reductive: According to Tia Ghose at Live Science (bit.ly/37rn2aV), one question alone can identify a Narcissist: “[They Have] No Shame… The team found that the answer to one question was strongly correlated with their overall score on the longer test: ‘To what extent do you agree with the statement, ‘I am a narcissist?’” In other words, narcissists know themselves, and they aren’t afraid to admit they’re narcissists.

I absolutely do not see myself as a narcissist. : : Jack Kirven completed the MFA in Dance at UCLA, and earned certification as a personal trainer through NASM. His wellness philosophy is founded upon integrated lifestyles as opposed to isolated workouts. Visit him at jackkirven.com and INTEGRE8Twellness.com.

Nov. 29-Dec. 12, 2019

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life Transgender

continued from page 12 Moore said she always knew that she was not a man from a very early age.

“Both I and family knew that I wasn’t a boy from the time I was knee-high to a grasshopper,” said Moore. “I loved wearing dresses and sashaying around in my mother’s high-heel shoes.”

While Moore always knew that she did not feel like a man, she said she did not make the decision to transition until she went to college. A close friend of Moore’s encouraged her to transition and took her on her first shopping trip to purchase a more fitting wardrobe.

“While I hadn’t begun taking hormones yet and had very little breast tissue, the feeling I felt when I put on a bra for the first time was monumental,” Moore said.

“Who knew a single article of clothing could produce such an amazing feeling.”

Upon making the decision to transition, Moore began taking hormone therapy as well as testosterone blockers, which in time, altered Moore’s body providing her with a more feminine and curvaceous frame as well as breast tissue.

The combination of hormones and testosterone blockers also greatly reduced Moore’s body and facial hair and also softened her voice.

“After being on hormones for a few years, I started looking a lot more feminine,” Moore said. “I never really had a lot of body hair, but the hormones and T-blockers really helped to reduce the growth of my facial hair. The muscles

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in my arms softened up, my waist got smaller, and my hips got wider.”

Many individuals presume that the majority of transgender individuals have a desire to undergo sex-reassignment surgery. However, according to Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD), “sexreassignment surgery, also called gender confirmation surgery (GCS), is only one small part of the transition.”

“Not all transgender people choose to, or can afford to, undergo medical surgeries,” GLAAD said.

GLAAD also advises journalists to avoid overemphasizing the role of surgeries in the transition process.

For Moore, having male genitalia does not cause her to experience any type of distress or discomfort, and said it doesn’t detract from her identity of being a transgender woman.

“Being a woman isn’t all about looking the part,” said Moore. “While I do enjoy having a more feminine appearance, I don’t find it necessary to have surgeries in order to feel like a girl.”

Moore said she’s thought about having breast augmentation surgery, but due to her being a diabetic, she decided against it in the end. She also said that she’s fairly satisfied with the size of her breasts and knows plenty of cisgender girls who have smaller cup sizes.

“Breasts nor any other part of my body make me any more or any less of a woman,” Moore said. “For me, it’s more about how I feel on the inside, regardless of how I look on the outside.”

When asked about her thoughts on sex-reassignment surgery, Moore replied, “it’s never even crossed my mind.”

“For one, the surgery is so expensive, most middle-class people, like me, can’t afford it,” said Moore. “And, more importantly, there are so many possible complications that can arise after someone undergoes the operation.”

Whether it’s breast augmentation for a transgender female or a double mastectomy, known as top surgery, for a transgender male, the path a transgender individual takes to alleviate their symptoms of gender dysphoria varies greatly from person to person. While many individuals undergo numerous surgeries and procedures to aid in the alignment of their bodies with their gender, a large percentage of the transgender population choose not to make any type of alterations to their bodies at all. : :

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Your Secret’s NOT Safe With Me Tell Trinity

BY Trinity | CONTRIBUTING WRITER Hey Trinity, My best friend won’t talk to me anymore because I told someone something about her that I swore I would never tell. Don’t you think it’s wrong to give up a long-time friendship just because someone slipped?

Yours, No Big Deal, Nashville, TN Hey No Big Deal, When Monica Lewinski slipped to Linda Tripp look what happened! When Virginia Hill slipped to the mob about her boyfriend, Bugsy Seigel, the next day he was shot in the head. Sweetie, when some-

one tells you something in secrecy, you suddenly become as important as a C.I.A. agent. Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to be friends with someone who can’t take a secret to their grave. If you can’t keep a secret, let your friends know. There’s no shame in not being able to keep a secret but there is shame in not keeping one.

Just Say No! Trinity Dear Trinity, After dating someone for two months, I told him that I wasn’t interested anymore.

Still he constantly calls, comes by and is now bothering my friends. I can’t shake him. Help?

Yours truly, Stalker Troubles, Brooklyn, NY Dear Stalker Troubles, Plan A, first, CLEARLY tell him that you don’t want to see him. Second, INSIST that he stop calling, coming by or bothering your friends. Third, be tough, stern and aggressive even if it’s not your nature. Lastly, if all this fails, then go to plan B. Plan B, first go to his work and publicly embarrass him. Make a big scene. Second, call his friends and family and let them know what he’s doing, that they must stop him or you’ll see them all in court. Finally, if he’s really freaking you out, it’s time for a little vacation. Waiting

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at the Southernmost Point for a Key West martini is much healthier, darling, than waiting to be stalked. (Take flight and dodge the pest like I did as shown in my cartoon! The “mini vacation” you’ve well earned will also give you a chance to give yourself a little R’R and a time to get pampered. Can’t hurt!)

Give ‘em hell. Trinity Hello Trinity, I’m looking for a real man. Not someone who’s pretentious or constantly worried about his looks. Not a party animal, but a passionate beast. A man who lets himself enjoy a relationship. Where can I find him?

Yours, Looking, San Antonio, TX Hello Looking, First, make a list of what you like in a man. And when you’re on a date, don’t be afraid to ask subtle questions related to your likes. Second, join groups like Meetup, and other spiritual, educational, athletic and/or social groups. You can meet more “your type of” guys if you meet them in groups or places you both are already interested in. And, lastly, remember as Kahlil Gibran says, “Before love finds you, you must be sifted, kneaded, grinded, and threshed.” So, honey, allow yourself to go on a journey rather than a car race.

Good Luck! Trinity To Trinity, I want to be like you: a singer, a writer, an artist, but I don’t know how to start. How do I get more creative?

Thanks, Artist In Waiting, Boston, MA

To Artist In Waiting, Nearly everyone who wants to be an artist already is but, pumpkin, before you sign up for that “Artist Within” retreat, try reading:

Trinity’s Helpful Tips For Finding Your Creative Self

1. Do something dangerous. Facing one fear destroys many other fears.

2. Deny yourself something you can’t.

Stronger wills make stronger artists.

3. Take different routes to work and other places. Challenge what is constant.

4. Forgive someone you can’t.

Resentment promises stagnation.

5. Visit new places. New environments bring new creative ideas.

6. Deny yourself one of your senses for a day. Expand your other senses.

7. Invite unfamiliar or ridiculous conversations. Everyone is a teacher.

8. Redecorate, even with the same furniture. Change your surroundings.

9. Ask lots of question. There are no stupid questions.

10. L astly, start acting like an artist. Fake it ‘til you make it! But do it!

Just get wet! Trinity With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com.

Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

space starting at $22: call qnotes for details 704.531.9988

Nov. 29-Dec. 12, 2019

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events Charlotte’s only outdoor ice skating rink in the heart of Uptown is set to open. Admission is $12 for those who bring their own skates, and $16 for skate rental per day. bit.ly/37r11Jv.

December 6-7 One Voice: ‘Season to Remember’

November 29 Fantasia Presents The Sketchbook Tour

Bojangle’s Coliseum 2700 E. Independence Blvd., Charlotte 8 p.m.

North Carolina native Fantasia is back in concert with a new album and is bringing some special friends (Robyn Thicke, Tank and The Bonfyre) along with her.

Tickets start at $59 and are available online. bit.ly/2MS6XCZ.

November 29-December 1 ‘The Play That Goes Wrong’

Knight Theater at Blumenthal Performing Arts Center 130 S. Tryon St., Charlotte 7:30 p.m.

“The Play That Goes Wrong” is a classic murder mystery with a comedic twist, full of puns and mishaps along the way. blumenthalarts.org.

December 1 First Sunday Potluck

Harriet Hancock LGBT Center 1108 Woodrow St., Columbia 2-4 p.m.

The center will provide drinks and chicken and dumplings. Attendees are asked to provide a dessert or side. RSVP requested online at bit. ly/37yHE1e. lgbtcentersc.org.

December 1 ‘Hip Hop Nutcracker’

Belk Theater at Blumenthal Performing Arts Center 130 North Tryon St., Charlotte 1 p.m./6:30 p.m.

Tchaikovsky’s classic score through hip hop choreography, with dancers, onstage DJ and an electric violinist bringing the traditional “Nutcracker” a new look. bit.ly/32w6Std.

December 5-22 ‘Camelot’

Burning Coal Theatre’s Murphy School Auditorium 224 Polk St., Raleigh Times Vary Burning Coal Theatre will perform the Lerner and Loewe classic musical “Camelot” based on the book “The Once and Future King.”

Tickets are available online or by phone at 919-834-4001. burningcoal.org.

December 5 Holiday on Ice

NASCAR Hall of Fame 400 E M.L.K. Jr. Blvd., Charlotte 5 p.m.

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Unitarian Universalist Church of Charlotte 234 N. Sharon Amity Rd., Charlotte 7:30 p.m.

Celebrating over 30 years of song, One Voice presents their annual Christmas show, “Season to Remember.” General admission/$25.

All welcome. onevoicechorus.com.

December 6-8 Fourth Ward Holiday Home Tour

Fourth Ward Neighborhood Charlotte Uptown 5-9 p.m.

This walkable, self-guided tour includes admission to a variety of private homes in Fourth Ward, all beautifully decorated for the season. Throughout the weekend, choirs and hand bell ensembles will perform seasonal music on the porches of neighborhood homes. Ticket costs vary and are available for purchase online.

FOFW.org.

December 7-8 Triangle Gay Men’s Chorus ‘Season of Love’

Binkley Baptist Church 1712 Willow Dr., Chapel Hill 7 p.m.

Pullen Memorial Baptist Church 1801 Hillsborough St., Raleigh 3p.m.

The Triangle Gay Men’s Chorus presents a variety of beloved songs inspired by the seasons of the year. Everything from summer bops to autumn harmon ies, winter carols to spring arias.

Free admission. Contributions appreciated. tgmchorus.org.

December 7 Twirl to the World

World Night Club 900 NC Music Factory Blvd., Charlotte 10 p.m.

The 11th Annual Twirl to the World holiday party and fundraiser, presented by Hearts Beat as One Foundation, brings in DJ Grind and Australian singer/ songwriter Zoë Badwi to entertain guests. The event benefits Smart Start of Mecklenburg County, Transcend Charlotte, Humane Society of Charlotte and Winter Awakening. Attendees are asked to contribute $25 and a new, unwrapped toy or book as admission or $40/without and $75/VIP. All funds raised supports these local charities. justwirl.com.

Nov. 29-Dec. 12, 2019

November-December 2019 Submit your events: editor@goqnotes.com

December 7 Tosco Music Holiday Party

McGlohon Theater at Spirit Square 345 N. College St., Charlotte 7:30 p.m.

A holiday evening featuring over a dozen performers, plenty of Christmas classics, and traditional sing-alongs, as well as songs of Hanukkah and Kwanzaa. bit.ly/32w6Std.

December 10 CLGBTCC Holiday Bash

Resident Culture Brewery 2101 Central Ave., Charlotte 6:30 p.m.

Complimentary hors d’oeuvres, live music and social meet and greet. Free admission for members and $5 admission fee for non-members at the door. clgbtcc.org.

December 12 Radical Queer

LGBT Center of Raleigh 119 E. Hargett St., Raleigh 6 p.m.

Radical Queer is a celebration for everyone in the community hosted by the LGBT center of Raleigh, NC AIDS Action Network and VAE Raleigh with music, food, karaoke and free STI, HIV testing. lgbtcenterofraleigh.com.

December 13-22 Magic of Christmas & The Singing Christmas Tree

Knight Theater at Blumenthal Performing Arts Center 130 N. Tryon St., Charlotte 7:30 p.m.

Charlotte’s two favorite holiday traditions, the Charlotte Symphony and Carolina Voices, join forces to bringing a joyful celebration for the season. Tickets start at $19 and are available online. bit.ly/35zQFoD.

December 14 2019 Queen City Christmas Expo

The Carole Hoefener Center 615 E 6th St., Charlotte 1 p.m.

Queen City Christmas Expo is an all-free Christmas event for all.

Take pictures with Santa Claus, enjoy free gift-wrapping stations, entertainment and a toy giveaway. bit.ly/2QVFGCf.

December 14 Genderlines Holiday Potluck Friendsgiving

Pure Pizza 1911 Central Ave., Charlotte 3-6 p.m.

Genderlines hosts a holiday potluck gathering and invites the entire LGBTQ and allied communities and will provide turkey, ham and tofurkey. Guests are asked to bring sides and desserts. RSVP requested online at bit.ly/2QK0V9I. genderlines.org.

December 6-23: Charlotte Ballet – ‘Nutcracker’

Join the Sugar Plum Fairy on a fantastical journey through the Land of Sweets in this beloved family tradition! Performed live by Charlotte Symphony with choreography by Jean–Pierre Bonnefoux. Tickets range from $25-$122 and are available online. Belk Theater at Blumenthal Performing Arts Center, 130 N. Tryon St., Charlotte. 7:30 p.m. bit.ly/33bJKjV.

December 14 Holiday Wish Gala

Midtown Ballroom 1133 Metropolitan Ave., Charlotte 7 p.m.

The Holiday Wish Gala is a fundraising event that provides the opportunity for the LGBTQ community to raise funds specifically for non-profit organizations that do the most with the least.

This year’s benefactors are 360 Center for Youth Development and the LGBTQ Committee of the NC NAACP. Tickets are available online bit.ly/2WXTcGa.

December 15 Charlotte Pride Band: ‘Songs For the Holidays’

Park Road Church 3900 Park Rd., Charlotte 4 p.m.

Charlotte Pride Band presents Songs for the Holidays. This will be a full ensemble concert with musical selections that will vary. Tickets are $15 and are available online or at the door. charlotteprideband.org.

December 15 Holiday Cantata and Bake Sale

Metropolitan Community Church of Charlotte 7121 Orr Rd., Charlotte 10:30 a.m.

Join Pastor Paul Whiting and the MCC congregation for their annual cantata and bake sale. Meet up with old friends and meet new ones. mymcccharlotte.org.

December 17 Lindsey Stirling: Warmer in the Winter Tour

Ovens Auditorium 2700 E. Independence Blvd., Charlotte 7:30p.m.

Warmer in the Winter is the fourth studio album and first Christmas

album by violinist and composer Lindsey Stirling. Enjoy the classics and some new songs for the whole family. ticketmaster.com.

December 20 Charlotte Gay List Goes to the Movies

Ayrsley Grand Cinema 9110 Kings Parade Blvd., Charlotte 9:15 p.m.

Join Charlotte Gay List at the movies to watch the “epic, dramatic, and definitive conclusion” to the “Skywalker Saga” of “Star Wars” films. Purchase tickets through Fandango as early as possible in order to get seating with the group. bit.ly/34h2Zdj.

December 21 Greensboro Symphony: FOX8/Old Dominion Holiday Concert

Greensboro Coliseum Complex 1921 W. Gate City Blvd., Greensboro 7:30 p.m.

Celebrate the holiday season with the Greensboro Symphony featuring holiday music plus a special appearance by Jeremy Abbott, fourtime U.S. champion and U.S. Olympic bronze medalist. Admission and parking are free with a donation of a non-perishable food item (3 plus) for the Salvation Army. greensborosymphony.org.

December 28 Charlotte Symphony ‘Cirque de Noel’

Belk Theater at Blumenthal Performing Arts Center 130 N. Tryon St., Charlotte 7:30 p.m.

The circus meets the symphony for “Cirque de Noel” this season.

Listen to the holiday classics while watching acrobatic, contortionist and juggling acts. Tickets start at $19 and are availabale online. bit.ly/2QIEjXn.

life

REGULAR EVENTS

Pedro Zamora: 25 Years Later

Charlotte Latin Pride

Spanish-language support nights, second and fourth Tuesday of each month, 7 p.m., Charlotte Pride offices at Holy Trinity Lutheran Church, 1900 The Plaza, Charlotte. info: charlottepride.org/latin/

PFLAG Charlotte

Support meetings, second Monday of each month, 6:30-8 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: pflagcharlotte.org

Prime Timers

Monthly meeting including dinner, speaker, games and more for gay men ages 21 and up, 5-7 p.m., Park Road Baptist Church Fellowship Hall, 3900 Park Rd., Charlotte. info: primetimersww.com/charlotte/

Transcend Charlotte

Support groups for partners, friends and family of transgender and gender non-conforming adults ages 18 and older, second and fourth Sundays of each month, 6-7 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte.

Prior to each meeting an anxiety support group is offered 5-6 p.m. info: transcendcharlotte.org

Youth Drop-In Space

Drop-in space Monday-Friday, 3-6:30 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

Youth Discussion Group

Weekly discussion groups for LGBTQ youth ages 13-20 each Wednesday, 6:308:30 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

Youth of Color Group

Weekly discussion groups for LGBTQ and ally people of color each Thursday, 7-8:30 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

UPDATES/ADDITIONS?

Do you have a regular and reoccurring community event you’d like listed? A listing to update? Email us at editor@ goqnotes.com.

Jesse’s Journal

BY Jesse Monteagudo | Guest Contributor

T

with his grief by excelhe National LGBTQ ling in school; he was Wall of Honor is a an honor student and memorial wall created president of the science as part of the Stonewall club. Though he was National Monument. Fifty openly gay at an early inaugural LGBTQ “pioage, the young Zamora neers, trailblazers and was uneducated about heroes” were inducted safe sex and AIDS preinto the Wall of Honor vention. Zamora tested as part of this year’s positive for HIV when he Stonewall 50 festivities. was just 17. Graduating The youngest of these from high school (1990) was Pedro Pablo Zamora Zamora joined Miami’s (Feb. 29, 1972-Nov. 11, Body Positive center and 1994), a Cuban-American soon became a full-time AIDS activist, educator AIDS educator. His AIDS and, most famously, work took him around reality television star. the world, appearing Though he was only 22 before the United States when he passed away 25 Congress, at international years ago, Zamora did AIDS conferences and more for AIDS education on the Phil Donahue and and LGBTQ rights than Oprah Winfrey televimost people who enjoyed sion shows. “If you want much longer lives. to reach me as a young Zamora was a cast man, especially a young member of the MTV realgay man of color, then ity show “The Real World: you need to give me San Francisco,” which was information in a language televised between June and vocabulary I can and November of 1994. understand and relate By that time Zamora Sean Sasser (left) and Pedro Zamora. (Photo Credit: YouTube video) to,” he said. Learning that already had years of MTV was casting an HIV experience as an AIDS positive person for the 1994 season of “The Real World,” Zamora educator, working with minorities and young people. His appearauditioned, winning the part out of 25,000 applicants. ance on “The Real World” only expanded his outreach. MTV, which After his death, Zamora was honored for his work educatalready broke barriers during the first two seasons of “The Real ing people, on TV and elsewhere, about AIDS and LGBTQ issues.

World,” broke a few more when it hired a cast member who was Zamora was praised by folks in all walks of life, including thennot only gay, but also a minority member and a Person Living With President Bill Clinton: “Over the past few years, Pedro became AIDS. The show’s mostly youthful audience became acquainted a member of all our families. Now, no one in America can say with a man their age who, though living with the consequences of they’ve never known someone who’s living with AIDS,” Clinton HIV, enjoyed a productive life. Zamora’s onscreen relationship with said. “Pedro is a role model for all of us. He’s shown the courage Sean Sasser culminated in a commitment ceremony between the and strength to move beyond himself, reaching out to others two men, another television first. Sadly, Zamora’s health declined while struggling with his own illness. The challenge to each of while he was filming “The Real World” and he died on Nov. 11, us is to do something about it and to continue Pedro’s fight.”

1994, only hours after the last episode was aired.

Though the lives of LGBTQ people and People Living With AIDS Pedro Zamora was born on the outskirts of Havana on Leap have improved over the past quarter of a century, the fight is Year Day, 1972. In 1980 the eight-year-old Zamora and his famnot over. Pedro Zamora’s life and death only encourages us to ily fled Cuba during the Mariel Boat Lift. His beloved mother go on. : : Zoraida died of skin cancer when Pedro was just 13. He coped

Nov. 29-Dec. 12, 2019

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Nov. 29-Dec. 12, 2019