QNotes, December 1, 2017

Dec. 1-14. 2017

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Dec. 1-14 . 2017

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qnotes news & features

Across the Queen City and the Carolinas there’s lots to do to celebrate the upcoming festive season.

arts. news. views. Briefs 4 entertainment.

News Notes: Regional

8 News Notes: U.S./World Briefs

a&e / life&style 10 12 17 18 18 19 20 24 25 26 27

Holiday Spirits Guide Holiday Gift Guide Holiday Happenings Holiday Gifts: LGBTQ Books Holiday Gifts: Music Holiday Gifts: Kids Books John Waters visits High Country Health & Wellness Tell Trinity Q Events Calendar Our People: Rodney Hines

opinions & views 9 Legal Eagles

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online

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Holiday Happenings!

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Health director under fire for blaming high HIV rate on Charlotte being a ‘party town’ arts. entertainment. news. views.

Nov. 15 - goqnotes.com/55664 Health director apologizes for saying HIV rates high because Charlotte’s a ‘ party town’ Nov. 16 - goqnotes.com/55831 Another federal judge blocks Trump’s transgender military ban Nov. 21 - goqnotes.com/56022

more news & features …

Trump appeals court ruling blocking his transgender military ban Nov. 21 - goqnotes.com/56031 Atlanta and its former fire chief skip jury trial, await judge’s ruling in discrimination case Nov. 22 - goqnotes.com/56044

Legal Eagles

Health & Wellness

Getting one’s affairs legally in order when considering marriage or divorce is essential page 9

When cherished, furry companions’ lives ends, it is a time of tremendous loss. page 24

While defending Roy Moore, preacher Flip Benham invites speculation about his own past Nov. 23 - goqnotes.com/56061

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news notes: carolinas

Charlotte

compiled by Lainey Millen :: qnotes staff

Fund grant cycle begins

FIA, Clementi connect against bullying

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NEW YORK, NY. — Carolina-based Faith in America and The Tyler Clementi Foundation are joining forces to work to end religious-based bullying, the organizations reported.

In November at the Clementi Upstander Legacy Celebration, Jane Clementi, co-chair and founder of the foundation, and Mitchell Gold, cochair and co-founder of Faith in America, made the announcement at the foundation’s Upstander Legacy Celebration.

Gold made the Jane Clementi and Mitchell Gold announce that their organizations are following statement joining forces during the Upstander Legacy Celebration held in New about the cooperative York, N.Y. during November. effort during the event: “Faith in America was founded in 2006 to educate the public about the ongoing harm caused to LGBTQ people, especially youth, by faith-based discrimination. In the early years, leaders and funders in our own LGBTQ communities worked against us because they felt the truthful word ‘bigotry’ was too strident. Many thought we could achieve full equality by avoiding religious issues entirely. Despite this resistance, Faith in America grew through donors and supporters who shared heartbreaking experiences of faith-based discrimination, organized around the inspiring vision of a world where religious denominations no longer teach that homosexuality is a sin.

“The Tyler Clementi Foundation has become a critical partner in achieving this vision. Jane Clementi has a powerful voice as a mother and person of deep faith. And now with Jason Cianciotto as its new executive director, The Tyler Clementi Foundation will become an even stronger and more impactful leader. Faith in America wants to be a part of that. By joining forces and using precious community resources more strategically and efficiently, we can hit the grand slam needed to end faith-based discrimination.

“This is why I joined The Tyler Clementi Foundation Board in September and, in partnership with Faith in America’s Board, have begun the process of closing down our operations as a separate non-profit. All of Faith in America’s programs, staff, and resources will be transferred to the Tyler Clementi Foundation. These include the Save yOur Kids! Campaign, which informs anti-LGBTQ religious denominations and the general public about the immense harm and suffering caused to LGBTQ youth and adults, as well as our College Accreditation Project, which challenges religious institutions of higher learning that include anti-LGBTQ teachings in their programs that graduate accredited, mental health practitioners.

“I want to thank Faith in America and Tyler Clementi Foundation boards and staff for embracing this visionary plan to join forces. Now more than ever, as anti-LGBTQ religious fundamentalists have taken over our highest political offices, we must protect LGBTQ youth from the lifetime of harm caused by faith-based discrimination and rejection from their families and faith communities. I want to be the first to welcome and invite Faith in America’s donors and supporters to learn more about The Tyler Clementi Foundation’s programs and services by exploring TylerClementi.org. Please take the #Upstander Pledge, download and implement the #Day1 bullying-prevention program in your school, workplace, or faith community, and follow us on social media.” info: faithinamerica.org. tylerclementi.org.

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CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The Charlotte Lesbian and Gay Fund (CLGF) has announced that their 2018 grant cycle is now open for applications.

CLGF awards grants to organizations serving the LGBTQ community in the CharlotteMecklenburg area through three grant programs: basic operating (unrestricted operational funding to build capacity and strengthen the effectiveness of 501(c)3 organizations that provide services or benefits to the LGBTQ community); programs, projects and events (PP&E) (up to $5,000 to encourage 501(c)3 organizations to serve the LGBTQ community either directly or in partnership with another 501(c)3 organization.; and grassroots lane (up to $2,000 to build capacity and strengthen the effectiveness of startup organizations with or without 501(c)3 status serving the LGBTQ community).

Application guides for basic and PP&E grants are now available online at fftcgrants. communityforce.com. And, grant applications will be available on Jan. 1, 2018. Deadline for submittal of completed applications is 12 p.m. on Feb. 2, 2018 for basic and Feb. 9 for PP&E grants. Incomplete or late applications will be considered. Application for grassroots lane grants are taken throughout the year.

Presentation of applicant grants will be held at the YWCA, 3420 Park Rd., on April 9, 2018 for PP&E and April 11, 2018 for basic grants.

Email Alexis Owens at aowens@fftc.org to learn more. info: fftc.org.

MeckPAC soiree slated

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — MeckPAC will hold a celebratory and anniversary year event on Dec. 6, 6:30 p.m., at Resident Culture, The Barrel Room, 2101 Central Ave. The evening will be filled with camaraderie and festivity as well as information on the organization’s latest efforts, ways to prepare for the 2018 county-wide political races and efforts to enact a broader support for local HIV prevention.

Hors d’oeuvres and cash bar will be available to participants.

RSVPs are requested online at meckpac. org/facing20event and admission is $25/single and $50/couples. Sponsor/hosts level range from $100-$500. Contributions can also be made online. info: meckpac.org.

Chamber holds annual party

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce will hold its “Making

Spirits Bright!” annual meeting and holiday party on Dec. 12, 6:30 p.m., at the Embassy Suites by Hilton Charlotte Uptown, 401 E. Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd.

During the event, participants will be able to learn the results of the recent officer and board elections and will hear news of the 2018 schedule and initiatives.

Attendees will be able to mix and mingle during the event while enjoying food and complimentary beverages. Music will be provided by Jeff Brown and entertainment will be provided.

Registration for the party is available online at bit.ly/2k0sTzE. info: clgbtcc.org.

Triad ED search advances

GREENSBORO, N.C. — The Guilford Green Foundation has accelerated its search for a new executive director.

Active recruiting for a visionary leader has netted more than 130 candidates who have already been screened. The group of finalists has been established and the search committee is now narrowing down the last picks and are in the process of selection the new staffer.

Foundation Co-Chairs Amy Holcombe and Gordon Locke said, “Our focus is on finding the right person to grow and develop the LGBT Resource Center of Greensboro. The new executive director will be a leader who can build strategic relationships with community organizations to create a conduit of LGBT programming and support.”

The board expects to have a new executive director in place by the beginning of 2018.

In other news, a foundation grantee, the National Conference for Community and Justice of the Piedmont, has been making good use of the grant it was awarded.

In partnership with Guilford County Schools Office of Diversity, Equity & Inclusion, the organization has been assisting in the revival of Student Human Relations Clubs in each high school. It provides seven hours of training for 50 students at each school and teaches them how to create safe learning environments that aid in eradicating achievement gaps, bullying and incidents of violence against LGBTQ students. info: guilfordgreenfoundation.org.

Triangle SAGE hits the rails

RALEIGH, N.C. — SAGE Raleigh will board an Amtrak train on Dec. 4 headed slightly south

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when it ventures to Charlotte, N.C. to visit the Bechtel Museum.

Participants will meet inside the station to purchase tickets and depart at 6:45 a.m. with a 10:01 a.m. arrival. They will enjoy lunch at the museum, view art, shop or browse from about 2-4:30 p.m. Departure will be on the 5:15 p.m. train.

Snacks will be available on the trip from train staff (currency and coins needed), as well as free coffee, tea and bottled water.

Those who wish to join the group along the way can purchase their tickets online at amtrak.com.

Roundtrip fare from Raleigh is $55.24 for seniors 62 and over and museum admission is $6 for seniors who are 65 and older.

For more information, call Kenny Bowen at 919-821-4943 or email raleighwood1972@ yahoo.com. info: lgbtcenterofraleigh.com.

Group seeks social action volunteers

RALEIGH, N.C. — In the spirit of the holiday season, ReachOUT NC is asking the community to join their efforts in volunteering for a variety of projects across the Triangle.

The “acts of kindness” give participants an opportunity to give back to the community and “provide the sparkle” that is needed to raise up others.

Upcoming service projects include: decorating The Wrenn House on Dec. 2, 11 a.m.-2:30 p.m. (family-friendly, minimum age requirement is 18 years old); helping make Pullen Park a holiday wonderland as part of the City of Raleigh’s Holiday Express on Dec. 10, 3-9 p.m. (family-friendly, minimum age requirement is 15 years old); and a holiday family adoption project as part of Wake County’s Holiday Cheer project. Donation drop-off (list of needs available online) and gift wrapping of donated items, with participant cookie swap on Dec. 16, 1-3 p.m., will be held at the LGBT Center of Raleigh, 324 S. Harrington St. For full details and registration, visit reachoutnc.org/event-registration. info: reachoutnc.org.

South Carolina Couples get favorable court ruling

COLUMBIA, S.C. — SC Equality Executive Director Jeff Ayers announced that the state Supreme Court ruled in favor of LGBTQ couples there, thus opening up protections for both LGBTQ and straight community members with regard to issues of domestic violence.

“Now, victims of domestic violence, whether gay or straight, are protected under the state’s domestic violence law. It’s a victory for victims and it gives law enforcement and the courts clear guidance moving forward.

[This is a] Huge victory for the LGBTQ community in South Carolina,” Ayers shared.

The case, Jane Doe v. State, involved a Richland County woman who applied for a protective order under the state’s domestic violence law after she was hit and choked by a former female fiancée.

The ruling declared two sections of the state’s landmark domestic violence law that made gender references unconstitutional as applied. The “as applied” approach avoids a situation where the law itself would be unconstitutional, rendering it useless in its entirety. And the court agreed that there was “no reasonable basis ... to support a definition that results in disparate treatment of same-sex couples,” thus extending protections to any unmarried couples, regardless of their sexual orientation.

“This moves South Carolina forward on this important issue by expanding protections under the law for victims of domestic violence no matter who you love,” said Nekki Shutt, one of the attorneys representing SC Equality. “I applaud the state Supreme Court’s ruling. The state’s criminal domestic violence law now includes everyone, gay or straight, which is what a good law is supposed to do.” info: scequality.org.

Western ALFA holds winter event

HICKORY, N.C. — AIDS Leadership Foothills-Area Alliance (ALFA) will host their 20th Annual Winter Gala on Dec. 10, 6 p.m., at Cafe Rule & Wine Bar, 242 11th Ave. N.E. The evening features a four-course meal with wine pairings, pre-dinner cocktails and holiday music. Guests will receive a special gift from Robert Abbey Lighting.

During the festivities, the Mitchell Gold + Bob Williams Legacy Award will be presented to Sally Fanjoy and James Labrenz.

Tickets are $100 and are available online at bit.ly/2A5Rvxz. Sponsorship levels are: Ruby, $500; Sapphire, $1,000, Emerald, $2,500; and Diamond, $5,000. The range of benefits includes tickets, recognition, reserved seating, table signage and VIP seating, depending upon level chosen.

ALFA will also hold a holiday client party on Dec. 14, 12 p.m., at the agency office located at 1120 Fairgrove Church Rd. S.E., Suite 28.

Participants will be able to enjoy refreshments, entertainment and receive prizes for the ugliest holiday sweater. Contact Natasha for details and to RSVP at alfacms@alfainfo.org. or call 828-322-1447, ext. 226. info: alfainfo.org.

Regional Carolinians picked for POZ 100 list

RALEIGH, N.C. — Four North Carolinians, who have advocated each year for their work addressing HIV/AIDS in their communities, have been chosen for POZ Magazine’s annual POZ 100: Celebrating Women List. The honorees representing the state of North Carolina in this year’s POZ 100 list are Alicia Diggs, Diana Rowan, Rita McDaniel and Geneva GallowayPitts.

The magazine uses this format as a way of thanking activists for their service and this year focuses entirely on women’s contributions.

Diggs is a Greensboro-based advocate who works as a medical case manager for the Positive Wellness Alliance in Lexington, N.C. She raises awareness and shares her story through public speaking via local radio, newspapers and magazines, online videos and as part of BET’s “Rap It Up” campaign.

In addition to being a doctoral candidate and penning a memoir, “Standing on My Healing: From Tainted to Chosen,” she is a member of Positive Women Network-USA, SisterLove’s 2020 Leading Women’s Society, the Lambda Tau Upsilon Christian Society, and is also a board member of the North Carolina AIDS Action Network.

Rowan serves as an associate professor of social work at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte. She has conducted research that centers on improving the lives of people living with HIV and those most at risk, with her work also extending to exploring strategies to address the epidemic in sub-Saharan Africa.

As the principal investigator for the Centers

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for Disease Control and Prevention’s Minority AIDS Research Initiative, Rowan works to build prevention research capacity in Black and Hispanic communities. In addition to serving as a board member for the North Carolina AIDS Action Network, she published a textbook, “Social Work with HIV and AIDS: A CaseBased Guide,” which was released in 2013.

McDaniel is the women’s facilitator at the Triangle Empowerment Center in Durham, N.C. She spends her time in advocacy, peer education and community outreach work. McDaniel founded the “It’s All About Me” support group, which works with minority women of all ages who are living with HIV to address short- and long- term goals, promote self-empowerment and encourage healthy living. Her work also includes organizing prevention programs around safer-sex practices and PrEP specifically geared towards women, including a pajama party event called “Pillow Talk.”

Geneva Galloway-Pitts is the founder and CEO of Trinity House CLT, which supports spiritual wellness among people living with HIV and promotes HIV education and prevention in places of faith throughout North Carolina. Her passions center on bridging the gap between communities of faith and people living with HIV. McDaniel’s work as an advocate, public speaker, mentor and volunteer has garnered various honors, including the North Carolina Governor’s AIDS Advocate Award and a Red Pump Project Community Service Award.

“We’re thrilled that four amazing advocates were recognized this year from North Carolina on POZ 100,” said Lee Storrow, executive director of the North Carolina AIDS Action Network.

“We’re honored to have Diana and Alicia as leaders on the NC AIDS Action Network’s board of directors, and Rita and Geneva’s leadership has been crucial to elevating the voices of women in our movement in North Carolina and across the country.” info: poz.com. ncaan.org.

Campus Scene Student named Pack leader

RALEIGH, N.C. — North Carolina State University third-year student Victor Eduardo was awarded Leader of the Pack during the university’s homecoming game against Clemson University in early November. The designation goes to someone who makes “significant contributions” to the school’s leadership and community service, The Technician reported.

The philosophy-studying Eduardo was chosen after a “lengthy process of essay writing, interviews and student body votes.”

He said that he was humbled to get the recognition and for the support he has received.

Eduardo wants to continue his tenure on the leadership team for Diversity Education for our Peers to Thrive and hopes to see the organization grow. It is “intended to be an intersectional approach incorporating all sorts of identities like race, gender and socio-economic status and use it as a baseline to teach other people about diversity and inclusion and to facilitate challenging conversation that people don’t always want to have about those sorts of topics,” he shared with the campus news organization.

Eduardo has been an active LGBTQ community member and has also participated in other campus opportunities, such as the “safeto-pee bathroom mapping project” which came into being after HB2 was passed.

After graduation he hopes to work in the tech industry. info: technicianonline.com.

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qnotes connect Dec. 1-14, 2017 Vol 32 No 16

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Torie Dominguez, Justin R. Irwin, III, Jack Kirven, Lainey Millen, Mikey Rox, Gregg Shapiro, Jeff Taylor, Trinity, Jerry Yelton

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news notes: u.s./world compiled by Lainey Millen :: qnotes staff

National chamber renamed, expands focus

National LGBT Chamber of Commerce Co-Founder Justin Nelson (left) addresses the national dinner audience after to the announcement of the organization’s name change by a coalition of transgender business owners and members of the NGLCC community.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The National Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce has changed its name to National LGBT Chamber of Commerce and will be known by its shortened acronym NGLCC. The news was announced at the organization’s national dinner on Nov. 17.

In making the announcement, NGLCC CoFounders Justin Nelson and Chance Mitchell were joined on stage by transgender business leaders as they reiterated the organization’s pledge to advancing economic opportunities for all members of the LGBTQ community.

In its 15th anniversary year, the organization has taken on a rebranded look and wanted the community to know its desire to better include the bisexual and transgender members of LGBTQ businesses.

“The LGBT business community is stronger than ever and our organization must continue to evolve to be the best champion we can be for our businesses. That starts with ensuring every element of our brand demonstrates our commitment to all lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender entrepreneurs, as our new moniker of ‘NGLCC: The National LGBT Chamber of Commerce’ shows,” Nelson said. “As we continue to assert our community’s presence and importance in the American and global economies, it is essential that NGLCC lead boldly with a vision for the future of LGBT business that is not only inclusive of all members the LGBT community but also celebrates diversity in all of its forms.”

“While our name may be changing, our mission always remains the same: securing

economic opportunity and prosperity for the LGBT business community in the United States and around the world,” the co-founders shared in an email to its friends and supporters.

Under its new name, NGLCC will continue to advance the interests of LGBTQ business owners, which now number at an estimated 1.4 million in the U.S. and boast a combined estimated economic impact of over $1.7 trillion, per NGLCC’s America’s LGBT Economy report.

Additionally, the NGLCC Global program will continue expanding the connection between LGBTI human rights and economic opportunity around the world, added the organization.

During its history, the NGLCC has certified and networked LGBTQ business owners and seen shifts toward inclusivity and diversity recognition. It expects to see support for the LGBTQ business community continue to grow, particularly with the recent inclusion of LGBTQowned businesses as an application criterion for the Billion Dollar Roundtable and to a company’s survey on the Human Rights Campaign Corporate Equality Index.

NGLCC has also announced that its Best of the Best Awards Gala will be held in the nation’s capital on April 18, 2018. Applications will be open for submittal in early December.

And, it has added David Perry to its team as the director of stakeholder engagement role in which he will work to create expanded procurement opportunities for LGBTQ-certified firms in a number of situations. info: nglcc.org.

news

QUICK HITS ————————————————————— Calvin Runnels, a transgender Georgia Tech senior biochemistry major from Baton Rouge, La., has been named a Rhodes Scholar.

Runnels is the second openly transgender American given this honor and is entitled to a two to three year stay at Oxford University in England with all expenses covered. info: thegavoice.com.

alumni as well as new additions, including: Alaska Thunderfuck, Bob The Drag Queen, Ginger Minj, Ivy Winters, Jackie Beat, Jiggly Caliente, Jinkx Monsoon, Katya, Manila Luzon, Michelle Visage, Peppermint, Phi Phi O’Hara, Sharon Needles, Sherry Vine and Thorgy Thor. info: producerentertainment.com. vimeo.com/ondemand/christmasqueens.

Stonewall Democrats are endorsing Keisha Lance Bottoms in her run-off race against Mary Norwood in the Atlanta, Ga. mayoral contest. info: thegavoice.com.

From near and far, neighboring “Out & About Nashville” celebrated its 15th anniversary in October and Robert Moore, the co-founder and former publisher of the Dallas Voice, was honored by the Dallas Press Club with a Hugh Aynesworth Award for Excellence in Journalism. He received this award for a photograph he took of police officer J.D. Smith during the July 7, 2016, Dallas Police ambush. info: presspassq.blogspot.com.

In late November NPR released the fifth portion of the series “You, Me and Them: Experiencing Discrimination in America.”

Based on a survey conducted by NPR, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, this multi-platform series delves into personal experiences of discrimination in America from representative samples of African-Americans, Latinos, Asian Americans, Native Americans, whites, men, women and LGBTQ adults. info: npr.org.

The State of California is now a plaintiff in the Stockman v. Trump lawsuit against the Trump administration’s military ban. National Center for Lesbian Rights and GLBTQ Legal Advocates & Defenders are serving as cocounsel in the case. info: eqca.org. glad.org. nclrights.org.

The “Christmas Queens” franchise is back with the official premiere of a third album, exclusive merchandise collection, new music video and the first-ever drag concert film.

Producer Entertainment Group (PEG), a 360 artist representation company, oversees the franchise and all artists involved. The “Christmas Queens Sing-Along Concert Special,” a combination of live performances, interviews, music videos and backstage moments from various stops along the sold-out 2016 world tour, has been released. It features music from the first two holiday albums and the special was filmed live in London, UK and Los Angeles, Calif. and stars Alaska Thunderfuck, Ginger Minj, Ivy Winters, Jackie Beat, Jiggly Caliente, Katya, Manila Luzon, Phi Phi O’Hara and Sharon Needles, and features Michelle Visage.

The special is currently available to rent or buy on Vimeo, and will be available on other major platforms in December. Additionally, the third album includes many “Christmas Queens”

Jacksonville, Fla.’s Youth Crisis Center and youth services organization JASMYN have added the area’s first LGBTQ emergency shelter, House of Hope. info: bit.ly/2iQUj7J. A transgender woman, who goes by the initials S.A.C., was granted asylum in the U.S. after enduring rape and torture in her native Guatemala and subsequently spending several months housed at Stewart Detention Center, a men’s facility in Georgia. info: thegavoice.com.

GayRVA is now accepting applications for Spring 2018 interns. info: gayrva.com.

A new makeup line, JECCA, has been created for the LGBTQ consumer. It’s founder developed it after working in the TV and film makeup industry. info: bit.ly/2jmtJCW. New York, N.Y.’s NYC Pride March is now accepting 2018 march registrations. Early bird registration closes on Jan. 8, 2018 and all registration closes on May 1, 2018. info: nycpride.org.

OUT Magazine has published its “Free To Be Me: 20 Portraits of LGBTQ Refugees.” info: out.com.

London, U.K. will host the world’s first LGBTQ travel expo in 2018. info: bit.ly/2zn3Fi2.

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Legal Eagles

Focus on the LGBTQ Family: Marriage Examining some key issues for LGBTQ couples

by Justin R. Ervin, III :: guest contributor

W

although a couple’s joint creditors hen marriage equality arcan. When one spouse dies, the rived in North Carolina on survivor automatically owns the Oct. 10, 2014, many couples real property free from the claims rushed to the courthouse to marry of the decedent’s creditors. or began planning to marry. Other Married couples must file couples remain circumspect and are income tax returns as either taking a more deliberate approach by married filing jointly or married considering the ramifications of marfiling separately. Your tax filing riage on inheritance, proxy decisionstatus could have a big impact making and taxes. Ending a marriage on your tax bill because married raises a host of other issues that are couples are subject to different tax beyond the scope of this article. brackets than unmarried individuIn North Carolina, your spouse als. The two of you might pay more is the only family member whom you or less tax as a couple than both cannot disinherit. Our laws offer a of you would if unmarried. This is variety of protections that allow a referred to as the marriage penalty surviving spouse to inherit, even if or bonus, respectively. A CPA can the deceased spouse made a will help you to determine the effect of leaving everything to others. marriage on your tax situation.

If the decedent did not leave a Very wealthy couples who are will, then our intestacy laws entitle a both U.S. citizens can realize tax surviving spouse to certain percentbenefits from marriage that reduce ages of the decedent’s assets. The the burden of the federal gift and percentages depend on whether estate taxes. This is a complex the decedent was survived by any area of the law, so if you find descendants or parents. Absent a yourself in this situation, then you will, a surviving spouse could end up should seek professional advice. jointly owning assets with in-laws if Marriage is wonderful for many, the decedent had no descendants. but it isn’t for everyone. If you’re The elective share entitles a Working with a well-qualified CPA and an attorney practicing estate planning or family law can help partners or married couples contemplating marriage, then talk surviving spouse disinherited in a make the most informed decisions when it comes to estate planning. with your fiancé or fiancée about will to a certain percentage of the Photo Credit: Konstantin via Adobe Stock its financial and legal impact. If decedent’s assets. The percentyou’re already married, then conage depends on the length of the tient does not have a Health Care Power of Attorney. The spouse sider whether you should opt out of some of the protections and marriage and ranges from 15 percent for a couple still under the is lower in priority than a court-appointed guardian, but higher in default rules described above. A team that includes a well-qualichuppah to 50 percent for a couple married more than 15 years. priority than the patient’s parents, children and other family. fied CPA and an attorney practicing estate planning or family law Whether or not the decedent left a will, the surviving spouse can Spouses can waive or opt out of any or all of the above can help you and your partner to make the best choice for you. : : elect a life estate in the decedent’s real property instead of intestacy protections, as well as other protections afforded at divorce, in a and the elective share. The surviving spouse can choose: 1) a life marital agreement (pre-nuptial, post-nuptial or separation).

Copyright 2017, Justin R. Ervin, III; all rights reserved. estate in one-third of all real property; or 2) a life estate in the entire Spouses cannot waive the Doctrine of Necessaries. This home that she shared but did not jointly own with the decedent and is an ancient concept inherited from England whose modern — Justin R. Ervin, III is an attorney licensed in North Carolina outright ownership of household furnishings in the home. interpretation holds spouses responsible for each other’s and Florida practicing estate planning, estate administration Whether or not the decedent left a will, the year’s allowance medical bills, among other things. Couples planning to marry and guardianship law with Johnson, Peddrick, and McDonald, entitles a surviving spouse to $30,000 of the decedent’s personal should consider any significant age difference, one another’s PLLC in Greensboro, N.C. Erwin graduated from Elon University property free from the claims of the decedent’s creditors — even potential health issues and the financial responsibility that School of Law and earned a Master of Laws degree in Taxation if the decedent left a mountain of debt. Watch out! If any of could arise. from the University of Florida. He is open and active in his local that debt was medical bills, then the Doctrine of Necessaries, In North Carolina and many other states, married couples LGBTQIA community and enjoys working with all sorts of clients, described below, applies. can jointly own real property as tenants by the entireties, another though he has a particular affinity for working with same-sex Regarding proxy decision-making, the spouse is near the top ancient concept inherited from England. Each spouse’s individual couples, alternative families and LGBTQ individuals. of the list of medical decision-makers for an ill person if the pacreditors cannot reach a home owned by tenants by the entirety,

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Holiday Spirits

Tingle all the way: boozy recipes and gifts for holiday ’17 ‘Tis the season — to take the edge off

by Mikey Rox :: guest contributor

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unch up your holiday parties with festive cocktail recipes, new-release liquors and wines and artisan mixers and accessories, plus cultivated gifts for hooch lovers that’ll have them ho-ho-hoing all season long.

Build Your Bar Every solid bar starts with standard distilled liquors, but your soiree selection shouldn’t be basic. Send your old standbys back to the cabinet and replace with conversation-piece bottles like V.E.S.’s hangover-free vodka and gin made from 1,000-year-old recipes, homegrown American Born whiskey, The Bitter Truth pink gin infused with bitters, 12-year-aged Hardy Legend 1863 cognac, Nicaragua’s award-winning Flor de Cana rum and Milagro Select Barrel Reserve Anejo tequila. Spotlight a variety of interesting vintages at your wine station, like Indaba’s Chenin Blanc 2017 and the Kanonkop Kandette 2015. Don’t forget the ice.

1 cup ice cubes 1 lime wedge, for garnish Combine the persimmon purée, tequila, Cointreau, lime juice, simple syrup and ice cubes in a blender. Blend until the texture is thick and smooth. Pour and enjoy.

Couples Therapy

••••• Christmas in Pear-is Created by 5Church Atlanta 1-1/2 oz. vodka 1 oz. allspice simple syrup 3/4 oz. St. George Spiced Pear liqueur 3/4 oz. lemon juice 4 dashes Angostura bitters Shake, strain, and serve in a martini glass. Garnish with a pear slice.

Hot Rocket 4 oz. Rocket vodka 8 oz. apple cider or unfiltered juice 1 tsp. maple syrup 2 sprigs fresh rosemary Add vodka to hot cider or unfiltered juice. Stir in teaspoon of maple syrup. Garnish with rosemary sprigs.

Dilution Solutions Swap out the Schweppes for Brooklyn Crafted Ginger Beers and Ales (available in extra spicy and sugar free), enjoy a mid-party pick-me-up with Kicktail Energy Mixers (all the oomph without the energy-drink aftertaste) and concoct your own creation using Pampelonne’s sparkling wine-based cocktails (though they’re just fine on their own at 6 percent alcohol by volume (ABV)).

Zero to Thirsty A 50-ounce bladed pitcher whips up big-batch merry margaritas in Crux’s seven-speed blender that boasts tell-and-show performance from its 800-watt motor base providing over one horsepower of ice-crushing force. $89.99, macys.com.

••••• Frozen Persimmon Margarita From the book “The Wildcrafted Cocktail”

by Ellen Zachos 2 oz. smooth persimmon purée 1-1/2 oz. reposado tequila 1/2 oz. Cointreau 1/2 oz. fresh lime juice 1 Tbsp. simple syrup

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Date night during deep winter gets the at-home DIY treatment thanks to Craft a Brew, which offers beer-, wine- and cider-making kits for hands-on boozehounds. All equipment and step-by-step instructions are included to ferment and bottle small-batch libations to quench the thirst of a crowd: Beer kits produce two growlers, wine kits yield five 750ml bottles, and hard cider kits result in three one-gallon bottles. $45-$60, craftabrew.com.

Heavy Hitters

Christmas Day is every day of December for the lucky chap who unwraps Secret Spirits’ Scotch Whisky Advent Calendar, featuring 25 Scotch whiskies sourced and hand-selected from the top independent bottlers in Scotland.

A Robb Vices gift membership keeps on giving with monthly subscription boxes filled with samples of the good life, including fine wines, spirits, toys, tech and more. $89.95/month, cratejoy.com.

The Premium Mixology Case from The Spice Lab lets bar-cart entertainers hone their skills with a full selection of professional tools plus a doz.en botanicals like cardamom, mace and hibiscus flower to help elevate their drink-slingin’ game. $200, shop.thespicelab.com.

••••• Ode to Whisky [Sour] Created by NYC mixologist Andrey Kalinin 2 oz. Laphroaig Select Scotch Whisky 3/4 oz. lemon juice 3/4 oz. heather honey syrup 3 dashes cardamom bitters 1 egg white Fresh cardamom Combine all ingredients in a cocktail shaker. Dry shake (if using egg white). Add ice and shake vigorously. Pour into a coupe or martini glass, served up. Garnish with cardamom flakes.

Thankful Threesome Dallas, Oregon’s Van Duzer Vineyards pleases every palate at the gracious table with its Thanksgiving Trio, featuring a 2016 Pinot Blanc, 2015 Willamette Valley Pinot Noir and 2013 Estate Syrah, all of which travel safely from your house to theirs (without clanging in the backseat) with the four-bottlecapacity StubbyStrip Vino. $99, shop.vanduzer.com. $24.95, stubbystrip.com.

••••• Holiday Road Punch 15 oz. pomegranate green tea liqueur with Everclear (Recipe at makeityourown.com) 5 oz. vodka 5 oz. white rum 10 oz. lime juice 10 oz. champagne Combine all ingredients except champagne in a pitcher or punch bowl. Mix and chill in refrigerator eight hours or more (overnight works best). Just before serving, add chilled champagne and stir carefully. Add ice, along with 10 lime wheels. Serve in punch glasses, ice optional. Garnish with lime wheel.

Chocolate Martini Created by Mastro’s Steakhouse NYC 1-1/2 oz. Three Olives Cake vodka 1-1/2 oz. Godiva White Chocolate liqueur 1-1/2 oz. Chopin Dorda Double Chocolate liqueur Splash of whipped cream Chocolate-covered strawberry for garnish Build ingredients in a shaker with ice, shake vigorously and strain into martini glass. Garnish with chocolate-covered strawberry.

Ice Cream Social — Adult Edition Up to 5 percent ABV in Tipsy Scoop’s booze-infused holiday pints — available in 21-and-older flavors like Santa’s Cookies & Whisky, Drunken Gingerbread Man and Blood Orange Champagne Sparkler Sorbet — replaces brain freeze with a decent buzz. $12-$72, tipsyscoop.com.

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••••• Frísco Hot Toddy 2 oz. Frísco 1 tsp. honey 1 tsp. lemon juice 4 oz. hot water Combine ingredients in your favorite mug. Stir until honey is dissolved. Get cozy.

Autumnal Rum Created by The Honeywell in West Harlem NYC 3 slices Fuji apples 2 oz. Plantation 3 Stars rum 1/2 oz. lime juice 1 oz. simple syrup 1/4 oz. Suze Gentian liqueur Cinnamon sugar Muddle three slices of apples in a shaker. Put remaining ingredients into shaker in this order: Lime juice, simple syrup, Suze Gentian liqueur, Plantation 3 Stars rum. Shake and strain into martini glass. Dip apple slices into agave then dip into cinnamon sugar. Garnish with cinnamon sugar apples.

Wine For Them, Five For You Red, white and mixed monthly wine plans from HelloFresh both satisfy your craving to

treat yo’self around the holidays (you know you’re gonna) while providing five additional bottles to grab-and-go on your way to cheer-filled cocktail and dinner parties. Deliver the goods in Brina’s shimmering insulated wine sleeves that show you care more than liquor-store Mylar. $89.99/month, hellofresh.com/wine. $86-$125, brina.us.

••••• Matcha Hot Chocolate 1-1/2 oz. Baileys Original 1-1/2 tsp. matcha powder 1/2 cup hot soy milk 1 oz. white chocolate chips In a saucepan, combine Baileys Original, match powder, hot soy milk and white chocolate chips. Pour into a copper mug. Top with whipped cream and a tall skewer of pink mochi balls painted with glittery luster dust.

Jingle Juice 1-1/2 oz. Port Cask Finished VirginiaHighland Whisky 1 oz. cranberry sage simple syrup* 1/2 oz. freshly squeezed lemon juice 1/2 oz. freshly squeezed lime juice 1/2 oz. Cointreau Fresh red cranberries Orange bitters Combine first five ingredients into shaker with ice. Shake vigorously until shaker is completely frosted. Pour into a sugarrimmed glass and top with two dashes of orange bitters. Stir and garnish with red cranberries. *Recipe for cranberry sage simple syrup 1 cup water 1 cup sugar

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1 cup fresh whole red cranberries 4 cinnamon sticks 10 fresh sage leaves.

Combine water and sugar in medium saucepan. Reduce over medium heat. Add cranberries, cinnamon sticks and sage leaves.

Bring ingredients to a boil, then remove from heat and let steep for 20 minutes. Muddle then strain syrup. Store refrigerated for up to two weeks. Yields 1-1/4 cups.

Poppin’ Bottles

Berkel champagne sabre’s 17 inches of forged stainless steel slices through bottles of bubbly with precision — when guided by expert hands, of course (don’t cut your own off in the process) — to add an element of spectacle to your New Year’s celebration. $219, theberkelworld.com.

••••• Countdown to Cuvée 4 oz. Barefoot Bubbly Brut Cuvée Lemon peel 1/2 oz. honey-flavored whisky liqueur Sugar Cut a long and wide strip of lemon peel. Dip both sides of the lemon peel into sugar. Place sugared lemon peel inside champagne flute, circling the inside rim.

Pour chilled honey whisky liqueur and Bubbly Brut Cuvée into the flute through the center of the sugared lemon peel.

— Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBTQ lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He splits his time between homes in New York City and the Jersey Shore with his dog Jaxon.

Connect with Mikey on Twitter @mikeyrox.

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Holiday Wish List

The Ultimate Guide to Gay Gift Giving 2017 Idea starters for that special someone

by Mikey Rox :: guest contributor

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ay ol’ St. Nick delivers the goods to LGBTQ people of all ages and sensibilities with this comprehensive gift guide designed to please every persuasion.

Elliot Havok Racer Chronograph Watch Designed in gay-mecca Golden Gate City, the chronograph watch from Elliot Havok — shown here in festive green with Italian leather straps — features Miyota Japanese JS15 movement, a sapphire glass face, and enough style cred that you can forgo the gift receipt. $199, elliothavok.com.

ONEHOPE Pride Box

Gay newlyweds will cherish the sentiment — and enjoy the bubbly — in this prideful gift box featuring ONEHOPE California Sparkling Brut Rainbow Glitter Edition, a Supreme Court Ruling card by Emily McDowell, rainbow disco ball bottlenecker and confetti push-pop in a white gift box. Every two gift sets funds one hour of operational costs for the Trevor Project’s lifeline helpline that provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to LGBTQ youth. $99, onehopewine.com.

Slumbr Pillows Slumbr’s online Pillow Quiz will help determine which luxurious pillows suit each sleeper — take it on your partner’s behalf so you don’t ruin the surprise — but rest assured (yeah, we know what we did there) that you’ll both sleep better as visions of go-go boys dance in your heads. $60-$225, slumbr.com.

BucknBear Small Abalone Knife Vibrant iridescent abalone handles flank a gorgeous VG10 core Damascus steel blade — which resembles a beach shoreline — to create this all-purpose pocketknife that avid outdoorsmen and lesbians will go gaga over. $89, urbanedcsupply.com.

EcoReco E-Scooter Commuters and students alike will appreciate this environmentally-safe electric scooter that charges in a standard AC outlet, hits the road at up to 20 miles per hour for 10 to 20 miles on a single charge, and folds down quickly and easily into a compact and lightweight means of save-theplanet transportation. $799, ecorecoscooter.com.

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Petite Diamond Snowflake Necklace Sixty-one shimmering diamonds set in a snowflake of 14K white gold takes the liberal politics your girlfriend wears on her proverbial sleeve and puts them squarely on her chest. A badge of honor, indeed. $495, bahdos.com.

Fanchest Deck out your special sports fan in head-to-toe spirit for their favorite team with a Fanchest filled with everything they’ll need for a next-level game day. Each box is unique, but chests often include shirts, hats, scarves, cups and more officially licensed swag from NFL, NHL, NBA, MLB or college teams.

Autographed memorabilia boxes also are available. $59-$299, fanchest.com.

Genital-Shaped Cookie Cutters Gay sex positions and detailed human genitalia — veins and all, y’all — turn sugar-spiked dough into never-more-than-amouthful cookies lifted straight from the Kama Sutra. Perfect for the church bake sale. $9-12, etsy.com/au/shop/bakerlogy.

Astro Fi Wi-Fi Connected Telescope Your gay niece or nephew (don’t we all have one by now?) can shoot for the stars — or at least gaze at them — with the Astro Fi Wi-Fi Connected Telescope that throws the live night sky onto a phone or tablet for easy exploration of the cosmos (or the hot neighbor’s bedroom). $400, thegrommet.com.

Frank Lloyd Wright Porcelain Box

Gold-trimmed and limited edition — only 1,500 numbered pieces exist — this porcelainlidded catchall features one of Wright’s Liberty magazine cover designs with a quote on the inside as a daily reminder to put your best LGBTQ foot forward. $80, shopwright.org.

Wine Explorer by Vinome After receiving their Helix-sequenced DNA results, recipients can head to the Vinome website to discover curated wine recommendations tailored to their taste preferences and scientifically-selected based on their genetic makeup to add an exciting new element to boozy half-price-bottle nights. $110, helix.com.

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life

Epson Home Cinema 2100 Screen movies up to 11-feet wide — that’s four times the size of a 60-inch flat panel TV — with this home projector featuring full HD resolution, 1.6x zoom and a built-in 10W speaker that’ll make your Netflix and chill routine feel like a second-run matinee.

Popcorn trick encouraged. $650, epson.com.

Symphonica Horn Speaker Dock Reminiscent of the iconic Victrola phonograph, this handcrafted acoustic horn updates turn-of-the-century design to produce a sleek, electricity-free speaker to amplify smartphone playlists that would make Edison happy. $130-$160, symphonicasound.com.

Kevin Messenger Beverage Carrier Don’t let this bag fool you: The only message it’s sending is how to get day drunk on three liters of insulated wine, bee, or premade cocktail — and look dapper doing it. $75, vivajennz.com.

Iridescent Universe Joggers Explore the constellations of his nether region while he’s lounging in these hypnotic, cosmic statement joggers that you can’t take your eyes off of. $60, intotheam.com.

Hestan Cue Induction Cooking System This smart pan and induction burner with embedded Bluetooth sensors brings amateur kitchen skills into the 21st century so you and boo can home-cook like the tuned-in Millennials you can’t stop telling everybody you are. $500, hestancue.com.

Rocabi Weighted Blanket Cut back on your Advil PM and Xanax nightcaps with all-the-rage adult weighted blankets that studies have found to help alleviate anxiety and insomnia. (But a little rub and tug at bedtime never hurt either.) $209-$279, rocabi.com.

Seersucker Martini Belt

Hand-stitched and made to order, the martini needlepoint belt from Brewster Belt Co. adds a twist of whimsy to casual Fridays while reinforcing the comforting reality that it’s always five o’clock somewhere. Also available in a San Francisco landscape design prominently featuring the rainbow pride flag. $165-$175, brewsterbelt.com.

Happier Camper Hitch vintage-inspired Happier Camper — outfitted with modern amenities, like the Adaptiv modular interior, USB ports and other custom components — to the back of most vehicles for all-the-time hook-up-andgo getaways guaranteed to renew a zest for adventure. $18,950+, happiercamper.com.

— Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBTQ lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He splits his time between homes in New York City and the Jersey Shore with his dog Jaxon.

Connect with Mikey on Twitter @mikeyrox.

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Holiday events

Holiday happenings around the Queen City Non-religious events dot the landscape for 2017

by Jerry Yelton :: qnotes contributor

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or LGBTQ folks, there are often a number of hardships around the holiday season that make it a little less fun than it is for others. Thankfully, the Queen City took note of that, and there are number of non-religious events to help LGBTQ folks celebrate the season in style and good spirits.

‘a child will IMAGINE’ Dec. 1-2 at 7:30 p.m., or Dec. 2 at 2 p.m.

Unitarian Universalist Church of Charlotte 234 N. Sharon Amity Rd., Charlotte, NC “’Twas the week before Christmas, and they made not a peep — with visions of sweets, toys and snow forts so deep — little children all nestled so snug in their beds, wintry wonder delights filling their heads.” One Voice Chorus transports audience members back to the magical, child-like excitement of the holiday season. “Keep alive the tradition of attending the One Voice Chorus holiday show, and fill your season with imagination, dreams and wonder,” the chorus shared.

Tickets are $15-$25 and are available at onevoicechorus. com/events.

‘Call Me Troy’ Dec. 2, 7 p.m.

Metropolitan Community Church of Charlotte 7121 Orr Rd., Charlotte, NC “Call Me Troy” explores the life of MCC Founder Rev. Troy Perry. Learn about the beginnings of the church from its Founder, Rev. Troy Perry “whose spiritual quest led him on a civil rights journey.”

Popcorn will be available. Attendees are free to bring something to eat or share with others.

For more information, email mymcccharlotte@yahoo.com.

ACLU of NC Charlotte Chapter Meeting and ‘Care in Chaos’ Screening Dec. 3, 7-8:45 p.m.

Unitarian Universalist Church of Charlotte 234 N. Sharon Amity Rd., Charlotte, NC Charlotte’s Chapter of the NC ACLU is holding its general membership meeting on Dec. 3. The meeting will feature a special screening of Rewire’s original documentary “Care in Chaos,” a short documentary that follows the director of A Preferred Women’s Health Center in Charlotte, N.C., the busiest abortion clinic in the state. After the film, Tara Romano, executive director of NARAL Pro-Choice NC, and Lindsay Beyerstein, the film’s director, will hold a panel to discuss this important issue in North Carolina.

The event is free, but attendees must RSVP at bit.ly/2zAs6g8.

Facing20: MeckPAC 2017 Victory Celebration + Anniversary Kickoff Dec. 6, 6:30-8:30 p.m.

Resident Culture Brewing Company 2101 Central Ave., Charlotte NC Moving into its 20th year, MeckPAC invites all of its supporters and allies to attend its celebration of pro-LGBTQ victories in 2017. Join the team of MeckPAC for drinks, food and fun! Costs vary, but you can RSVP at meckpac.org/facing20event.

The cost is $25 single admission; hosts and sponsorships available from $100-500.

LGBTQ & Ally Community Holiday Extravaganza Dec. 7, 7-10 p.m.

Museum Tower Uptown 525 S. Church St., 43rd Floor, Charlotte, NC Hosted by Takeover Friday, this holiday celebration will be a festive event — full of fun, holiday cheer and celebration of LGBTQ lives and loves in 2017. Please RSVP at The cost is free, but RSVPs are requested at bit.ly/2Av7WUT. The Gay Men’s Chorus of Charlotte: ‘Naughty and Nice’ Dec. 8-9, 8 p.m.

St. Martin’s Episcopal Church 1510 E. 7th St., Charlotte, NC Join the Gay Men’s Chorus for their annual holiday extravaganza. For this year’s show, they “couldn’t decide” on naughty or nice, so they picked both. “It’ll fill you with warmth, love and giggles,” the chorus said.

Tickets are $25 are available at bit.ly/2jjG5fe.

Midwood Market and the Return of Holiday Central Dec. 10, 1-6 p.m.

Midwood Market 2008 Commonwealth Ave., Charlotte, NC On Dec. 10 Commonwealth Ave. will be blocked off to allow for visiting local artists and small business, retail shop, performances, restaurants and photos with Santa himself. This local shopping event happens annually, and this one is set to be extra-special with even some local breweries bringing their pop-ups. The event is free to the public, but consider supporting the vendors!

throughout the region, alongside professional actors from across the country.

Tickets are $15-$27 and are in high demand. They can be purchased online at bit.ly/2hPyMLJ. SAGE Holiday Party & Potluck Dec. 17, 2-6 p.m.

Overture Crabtree 4408 Marriott Dr., Raleigh, NC Join SAGE Raleigh and host Overture Crabtree for fun, food, music and connecting with old and new friends.

Holiday festivities begin at 2 p.m., with the meal served at 2:30 p.m. Enjoy a main course provided by Overture Crabtree along with participants’ favorite supplied side dishes and desserts.

RSVP to bit.ly/2AtgRGj. ‘A Tuna Christmas’ Dec. 8 through Dec. 17, various times Winston-Salem Theatre Alliance 1047 W. Northwest Blvd., Winston-Salem, NC As the theatre’s website puts it, “Your favorite “Tuna” characters are back for round three! This holiday classic features Theatre Alliance staples Gray Smith and Timothy Swift as the kooky citizens of Tuna, Texas, who are in a desperate race to catch the Christmas Phantom, who threatens to to ruin the holiday for the entire town. Radio station OKKK news personalities Thurston Wheelis and Arles Struvie report on various Yuletide activities, including hot competition in the annual lawn display contest. In other news, voracious Joe Bob Lipseys production of The Best Christmas Pageant Ever is jeopardized by unpaid electric bills. “A Tuna Christmas” is a total delight for all seasons, whether audience members have seen “Greater Tuna” or not, theatre staff shared. Everyone will enjoy a laugh-filled evening.

Re-live the most hilarious holiday show of the last three decades, or experience it for the very first time!

Ticket cost ranges from $16-$18 and are available online at bit.ly/2jjPCmp.

Charlotte Pride Band Winter Concert Dec. 17, 3-4 p.m.

Temple Beth El 5101 Providence Rd., Charlotte, NC Featuring their brass and woodwind ensembles, join the Charlotte Pride Band for their annual holiday show. It is guaranteed to be a holiday delight and welcoming to all. Temple Beth El encourages visitors to bring donations for Sterling Elementary School. Bring one or more of the following: bubbles, playing cards, Frisbees, coloring books, sidewalk chalk, crayons, markers, jump ropes or Uno games.

The cost is free. More information is available at charlotteprideband.org.

Across the State ‘A Christmas Carol’ Through Dec. 17 Temple Theatre 120 Carthage St., Sanford, NC The Temple Theatre’s original musical adaptation of Charles Dickens’ most well-known story, “A Christmas Carol” is directed

by Peggy Taphorn directs a cast featuring youth performers from

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Holiday Reading

Ideas for the LGBTQ book lovers on your holiday gift list Settle down to a good read during the cooler months

by Gregg Shapiro :: guest contributor

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ew gifts are as reliable as books, especially during the holiday season. The following recommended titles are by LGBTQ authors in the fiction, poetry and non-fiction genres.

For music lovers…

Almost everything you need to know about “Breaking Down the Walls of Heartache: How Music Came Out” (Backbeat Books, 2017) by Martin Aston can be found in the title, as the author traces “the sound of lavender” from the 1920s to the 21st century, and includes a multitude of black and white and color photos.

The second such comprehensive history of LGBTQ music to be published stateside this year is Darryl Bullock’s, “David Bowie Made Me Gay: 100 Years of LGBT Music” (Overlook, 2017), which begins with the tragic losses of talent in 2016 (including those who died at the Pulse Nightclub in Orlando, Fla. and then ventures back to New Orleans, La. in the nineteen-teens before spinning forward, like a record, to the present day.

Award-winning, Grammy-nominated, Guggenheim fellow and composer/pianist/activist/ educator Fred Hersch has many notable achievements to his name, not the least of which is being an openly gay, HIV+ man in the world of jazz. He writes all about

it in his memoir “Good Things Happen Slowly: A Life In and Out of Jazz” (Crown Archetype, 2017).

For memoir lovers…

Bill Hayes’ breathtaking “Insomniac City: New York, Oliver, and Me” (Bloomsbury, 2017), interweaves essays with journal entries, photos and poetry, to tell the story of the writer’s romantic relationship with the late writer and scientist Oliver Sacks.

Speaking of Oliver Sacks, his just-published 10-essay collection “The River of Consciousness” (Knopf, 2017) is one of two books he was working on at the time of death in 2015.

James Allen Hall’s exquisite and devastating personal essay collection “I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well” (Cleveland State University Poetry Center, 2017), like Maureen Seaton’s “Sex Talks to Girls,” is the kind of memoir that could only have been written by a gay poet.

“Logical Family: A Memoir” (Harper, 2017), the long-awaited memoir by Armistead Maupin, the beloved author of the “Tales of the City” series, is a revealing chronicle of the gay writer’s personal journey from the deep South to Vietnam to San Francisco, Calif.

Lesbian poet Eileen Myles is the author of “Afterglow (a dog memoir)” (Grove Press, 2017), described as part “screenplay, monologue, science fiction and lucid memory,” detailing the 16 years Myles spent as the human companion to a dog named Rosie.

In “Spoiler Alert: The Hero Dies” (Atria, 2017), TV personality Michael Ausiello’s “memoir of love, loss and other four-letter words,” the writer recounts the deeply personal story of his “unconventional” 13-year relationship with his husband, the late Kit Cowan, who battled a rare form of cancer and passed away in 2015.

In the “Province of the Gods” (University of Wisconsin Press, 2017) follows disabled gay poet/playwright and memoirist, as well as educator and activist, Kenny Fries as he makes a return visit to Japan shortly after his HIV diagnosis.

The unpublished manuscript that became Arch Brown’s “A Pornographer: A Memoir” (Chelsea Station Editions, 2017) was discovered in 2012 following Brown’s passing, and recounts his interviews and interactions with the actors in the audition process for his erotic films.

With the controversial proposed ban on transgender personnel serving in the military on everyone’s mind at the time of this writing, “Tell: Love, Defiance and the Military Trial at the Tipping Point for Gay Rights” (ForeEdge, 2017) by Major Margaret Witt with Tim Connor takes readers back to the 1993 passage of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy and its 2011 repeal.

For poetry lovers…

“Half-Light: Collected Poems 1965-2016” (FSG, 2017) compiles

see LGBTQ Books on 22

Holiday Sounds

Q-Music: Tinsel tunes 2017 Melodious options for holiday gift giving

by Gregg Shapiro :: guest contributor

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eave it to a nice Jewish (bisexual) girl such as Rachael Sage to come up with one of the most delightful holiday recordings of the year.

Her five-song EP “Joy!” (MPress) opens with a reading of “Joy to the World” that is pure Sage, right down to her distinctive phrasing and vocals. A radio mix of the songs also closes the EP. In between, it’s a festival of lights and light pop. The originals, including the lighthearted “Tchatchkes & Latkes” and the beautiful “Hanukkah In The Village,” are among Sage’s most appealing compositions. The disc’s centerpiece, in which Sage sings in Yiddish, is the song “Umru Meine,” featuring lyrics by the modernist poet Moyshe-Leyb Halpern.

The 10th anniversary edition expanded reissue of Josh Groban’s “Noel” (Reprise), described as “one of the biggest-selling Christmas album of all time,” now boasts six additional songs, including four newlyrecorded selections. The original 2007 album by the classical crossover superstar played it relatively safe with a few exceptions. A duet with Brian McKnight on “Angels We Have Heard on High” soars. “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” is made more poignant because of the inclusion of holiday greetings from soldiers and their families. “Thankful,” co-written by Carole Bayer Sager, is the newest of the original disc’s composi-

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tions. Of the newly recorded songs, the duet with Tony Bennett on Vince Guaraldi’s “Christmas Time Is Here” and John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s “Happy Xmas (War Is Over),” on which Groban is joined by a children’s choir, are especially pleasing.

A cappella outfit Pentatonix are the new reigning kings and queens of holiday music, topping the Christmas (records) list for the last three years. The quartet’s platinumselling 2016 album has been reissued with five new songs and retitled “A Pentatonix Christmas Deluxe” (RCA). In addition to interesting renditions of “Up On the Housetop,” as well as covers of Kanye West’s “Coldest Winter” and *Nsync’s “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays” from the previous version, the expanded edition includes “Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!” and a duet with Jennifer Hudson on “How Great Thou Art.” This Christmas, the Latter Days Saints have a leg up, as well as a piano, a cello and a violin, on the competition. Mormon musical acts The Piano Guys and Lindsey Stirling have newly released holiday albums. On “Angels From the Realms of Glory,” the opening number on The Piano Guys’ “Christmas Together” (Portrait) album, they are joined by fellow LDS members David Archuleta

and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Orchestra, as well as Peter Hollens. Other guest artists on the album include Placido Domingo (“Silent Night, Holy Night”), The King’s Singers (“O Little One Sweet”) and Lexi Walker (“O Holy Night/Ave Maria”).

Fiddler and “Dancing With the Stars” competitor Stirling bows with her first holiday album “Warmer In the Winter” (Concord). More than half of the songs are instrumentals in which the plucky Stirling shows off her accomplished string skill on Christmas standards including “Carol of the Bells,” “I Saw Three Ships,” “What Child Is This” and even Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas.” What separates this disc from the others are the Stirling originals including “Christmas C’Mon” (with vocals by Becky G), the title track (featuring Trombone Shorty) and “Time To Fall In Love” (sung by Alex Gaskarth of All Time Low).

“Elvis Christmas” (RCA/Legacy) is the latest in a series of Elvis Presley releases in which songs and recordings by “The King” are reimagined with his vocals backed up by the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra. “Elvis Christmas” has everything from “Blue Christmas,” “Merry Christmas Baby” and “Santa Bring My Baby Back To Me” to “The First Noel,” “Oh Little Town of Bethlehem” and “O Come, All Ye Faithful.” : :

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life

Holiday reading for Kids

Painting in rainbow colors Local illustrator contributes to a growing canon of LGBTQ-themed children’s literature compiled by ∙Torie Dominguez :: qnotes contributor

J

ust in time for the holidays, a number of children’s book writers have some thoughtful and entertaining contributions for gift giving for the younger set. Perhaps, one of these newly-released or classic books can add a bit of joy to the season for the children of qnotes readers.

••••• ‘Santa’s Husband’ (2017)

by Daniel Kibblesmith illustrated by A.P. Quach

Joyfully brought to life by the illustrations of Matthews native and University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill graduate Ashley Quach, this new release celebrates the family composed of a gay, black Santa and his white husband, along with the familiar cast of supporting characters who contribute to the couple’s joint vocation: bringing merriment to the world. Not a book to shy away from politics or current events, “Santa’s Husband” alludes to the battle over legalizing gay marriage, the purported “war on Christmas,” and more. But although Mr. and Mr. Kringle feel uneasy at the state of the world from time to time, they have only to sit quietly together in front of a roaring fire to remember they’ve found their own peace, there at the top of the world. $12 ‘And Tango Makes Three’ (2005)

by Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell illustrated by Henry Cole “And Tango” makes headlines. Few of us might ever have heard of this touching true story were it not for the flurry of publicity upon its release — or more accurately, upon certain outspoken parties’ learning of its taking up residence on the shelves of school libraries.

“Tango” begins as the tale of Roy and Silo, a devoted pair of male chinstrap penguins at New York’s Central Park Zoo, and the empathetic human keeper who sees a chance to help them make their family complete. Already a classic at a dozen years old, the ASPCA Children’s Book Award winner is more than a sympathetic picture of gay childrearing: it is a

unique take on the loving, gentle, patient and faithful modern father. $10 ‘Daddy, Papa, and Me’ (2009) and ‘Mommy, Mama, and Me’ (2009)

by Leslea Newman illustrated by Carol Thompson This pair of charming board books aimed at the preschool crowd follows a baby on a series of everyday adventures with its same-sex parents. Cheerful illustrations show a child’s joy not only in being part of a family of three, but in the unique one-on-one relationships shared with each of the parents it loves. $7 ‘The Different Dragon’ (2006)

by Jennifer Bryan illustrated by Danamarie Hosler There’s something different about “The Different Dragon.”

Rather than making the fact of same-sex parenting its sole raison d’être, this two-layer bedtime story — think “Where the Wild Things Are” meets “The Princess Bride” — is driven by the imagination of a school-age boy who just happens to have two moms. “Dragon” isn’t necessarily here to talk about capital-L Life with gay parents. It’s here to offer a moment out of that life. (And for those whose bedtime stories aren’t necessarily told in English, the Spanish-language translation “El dragón diferente” is available.) $13 ‘Families, Families, Families!’ (2015)

by Suzanne Lang illustrated by Max Lang Whimsically drawn animals in framed family portraits show kids (and adults) that despite infinite permutations of sometimes ambiguous relationships, it’s love that makes a family, and that makes every family the same. The genius of the Langs’ work is that it doesn’t treat LGBTQ families as some sort of exceptional case; the baby chickens with two dads are amiably introduced right alongside the quartet of octopuses being raised by a single mom. Your family may be a little bit different, they say, but so is everyone else’s. $14 ‘I Am Jazz’ (2014)

by Jessica Herthel and Jazz Jennings illustrated by Shelagh McNicholas Having found herself the poster girl for transgender and gender non-conforming kids, the now-adolescent Jennings revisits the early years of her and her family’s journey to understand and publicly embrace Jazz’s truest self. $13

see Kids Books on 22 Dec. 1-14. 2017

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a&e

Holiday Stage Lights

‘A John Waters Christmas’ comes to the High Country Annual holiday show brings wit, irreverence to the stage

by Jerry Yelton :: qnotes contributor What’s different for the Christmas show in the current political climate?

I always write most of the show over every year. I’m always updating because a lot of times I go to the same cities. I always add new material, and this year, I’ll be adding it up until the day I go on stage because it changes so much. I think we’re in a civil war, so when you go home with relatives, it’s the only time you might meet someone that you don’t agree with. So I’m telling everybody just bring whistles, and if anybody talks about politics, blow the whistle. That way you won’t get in fights and knock over the Christmas tree, which I believe will happen more than any time else this Christmas.

Are there any stories you hope to tell particularly tied to North Carolina?

Well, I tell many stories — it’s 70 minutes of stories and 20 minutes of questions. I talk about music, politics, crime, families. I talk about “Is Santa gay?” “Is Christmas turning into a gay holiday?” and how to avoid Christmas or how to shoplift at Christmas, or what you shouldn’t give people.

Believe me, I go into every aspect of Christmas mania.

What are some of the worst gifts that you’ve ever received?

I like that idea, I think maybe we should have a theme with your family where you make an agreement to give everyone the worst present you think they’d hate the most. I remember one year someone gave me the soundtrack to “Rocky” and I threw it out the window of a high-rise, which was irresponsible. But, I remember it.

What should you avoid doing around the holidays?

Re-gifting. You can always tell when it’s re-gifted, and it’s so blatant, and sometimes you wanna ask, “Can I get a receipt please?” Because that is such a completely re-gifted look or something that you got from some advertisement. Unless it’s really a good one, it’s really something you should avoid. No one would dare give me a re-gift. Or if they did, it was something that I kind of liked. I don’t think that happens with me — I’m like the worst bride — I have a registry in my office, so when people call, I have a whole list of books that I want. Sometimes it’s just easier for people to buy them and give them to me.

What recommendations do you have for how folks should celebrate the holiday season this year, aside from seeing “The John Waters Christmas Show?”

Well, I think if you want to scare yourself, go to living Christmases because they’re incredibly frightening. I think taking drugs and going Christmas caroling is kind of fun because you can’t be arrested, but you can scare people when they open the door by looking especially freakish when you start shrieking “Silent Night” while you’re on pot and laughing. Christmas Nativity Scenes — I visit like haunted houses. I find it so alarming that people put their babies to be in there with mules, and straw and candles, and their baby is going to catch on fire for Christmas.

What are some of the weirdest traditions you’ve heard around Christmas time?

I think the tree falling over, which happened to my grandmother. Trees fall over all the time, and it’s liquor or dogs. I hear stories everywhere about families Christmas that are ruined.

I used to have a boyfriend once — well, he wasn’t my boyfriend, I wanted him to be, but he wasn’t. He used to take me in his muscle car, and he would go out two weeks after Christmas when all the dead trees are in the allies everywhere, and he’d set them on fire with a video camera on the hood. It was a really good date, even though he never put out. I thought arson would at least make him horny.

John Waters bring his show to the Carolinas on Dec. 18.

Photo Credit: Greg Gorman

A

cclaimed and renown filmmaker John Waters (“Female Trouble,” “Hairspray,” “Pink Flamingoes”) brings his annual holiday show to Asheville, N.C. on Dec. 18 at the Diana Wortham Theatre, 18 Biltmore Ave. Known famously as the Prince of Puke and the People’s Pervert, this twisted performer is sure to delight, repulse and keep audience members in stiches. Not for the faint of heart, Waters describes the miracles and atrocities of the holiday season and ensures that attendees will have something special to talk about at the dinner table this year.

Why a Christmas show? What does this type of queer and subversive performance have to do with the holiday season?

Well, I would do a Groundhog’s Day one, a Mother’s Day one — I would do every single holiday tour if you’d book me. [I do this show] because Christmas is the most extreme holiday. It’s the one [that] frightens people, scares people, delights people, offends people, and so, everybody in the world has to put up with Christmas no matter what your religion, race, sexual persuasion, anything — and, it’s extreme, you can go either way with it. It’s gonna be even harder this year because of politics.

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What are your favorite parts of the holiday season and how do you bring them to your show?

The holiday season, I’m at work. I’m in the airports, looking at their bad Christmas decorations, but I like Christmas and right when it’s over, I have a huge party, and I go to my family for Christmas.

So I think I like the idea of making fun of something and embracing something, and I like it for all the wrong reasons sometimes. It is part of the economy — I always have to buy so many presents every year, and it seems like every year I ask, “Why do I do this?” Because you have to. You have no choice, but to do that.

What are some of the gifts you have planned for family and friends this year?

I usually get everybody books. So we’ll see. Books are the best Christmas present. Always.

In your upcoming show, what are the big things we can anticipate this year?

I’m not going to [give] you the new material, but I certainly talk about politics, unsafe toys, amusement parks, presents that I want to get, what I would do if I were president, the new activism that I think we should have for Christmas, Christmas movies. I have a friend who told me he used to go to graveyards, and when people would go lay flowers on gravesites, he would steal pocketbooks.

I thought, “That is terrible. Talk about bad karma.”

Is there anything that you think people should know about celebrating Christmas the John Waters way?

Whatever kind of good parent you are, don’t ever for stocking stuffers leave your children sensible things like deodorant and toothbrushes and stuff. You should be arrested if you do that. : :

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• Choose vegetables served raw, grilled or steamed.

• Limit the number of servings of starchy foods on your plate.

These are packed with carbohydrates! Some examples include bread, potatoes, rice, and pasta.

• Enjoy your favorite holiday treats, but take small portions, eat slowly, and savor the taste and texture.

• Avoid skipping meals and saving your calories for the big feast.

This can lead to overeating.

• After your meal, take a walk with family and friends.

Photo Credit: Chinnapong via Adobe Stock

‘Tis the season to enjoy your family and friends, but also yourself! So, if you overindulge with that extra slice of apple pie, don’t beat yourself up. If you eat more carbs or food than you planned for, don’t think you have failed, just make a plan to get back on track. Hopefully this information is helpful and Happy Holidays!

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LGBTQ Books

Kids Books

continued from page 18

continued from page 19

the work of lauded gay poet Frank Bidart in one stunning setting, including the new collection “Thirst,” featuring outstanding poems such as “Ellen West,” “Herbert White,” “In Memory of Joe Brainerd,” “The Second Hour of the Night” and “For the AIDS Dead.”

Things are lost (weight, memories, causes) and found (a drag queen, and birds, lots of birds) in awardwinning lesbian poet Cheryl Dumesnil’s lustrous poems in “Showtime at the Ministry of Lost Causes” (University of Pittsburgh Press, 2016).

Manila-based poet and novelist R. Zamora Linmark returns with the new poetry collection “Pop Vérité” (Hanging Loose Press, 2017), aptly named for its poems featuring poets (James Schuyler is a favorite) and other writers, dead divas (such as Amy Winehouse, Whitney Houston and Donna Summer), other pop culture and literary figures.

Prolific, young, queer Native American poet Tommy Pico’s first poetry collection IRL was

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published in 2016. “Nature Poem” (Tin House, 2017) Pico’s second, book-length epic poem merges poetic and texting language for an unforgettable read.

Among the more than 70 poems in “The Screwdriver’s Apprentice” (Blue Light Press/1st World Publishing, 2017) by poet, playwright, fiction writer and educator Edmund Miller, author of the renowned “The Go-Go Boy Sonnets,” you will find “In The Porno Theater,” “The Beauty of a Male Model Fades” and “Learning From Lap Dancers,” among others.

For fiction lovers…

It’s no exaggeration to say that you’ll never read anything quite like St. Sukie de la Croix’s slim, sexy, shocking and sparkly new novel “The Blue Spong and the Flight from Mediocrity” (Lethe Press, 2017), even if you are familiar with his historical writing, including 2012’s critically acclaimed “Chicago Whispers” or his humor/

commentary columns in sundry LGBTQ outlets.

In “Marriage of a Thousand Lies” (Soho, 2017), the dazzling debut novel by SJ Sindu, we meet Lucky and Krishna, a married Sri LankanAmerican couple who are, in reality, actually a lesbian and a gay man. The pair’s sham marriage is threatened when Lucky reconnects with her first lover Nisha, who is preparing to enter an arranged marriage.

There’s no shortage of the titular characters to be found in “Difficult Women” (Grove Press, 2017), the short story collection by award-winning bisexual Haitian-American novelist/ essayist/memoirist Roxane Gay. Queer actor and writer Tara Jepsen’s debut novel “Like a Dog” (City Lights, 2017) follows 30-something skateboarder Paloma as she rolls through life in the Central Valley, looking after her opiateaddicted brother and finding meaning in stand-up comedy.

“How to Survive a Summer” (Blue Rider Press, 2017), the debut novel by writer and educator Nick White, follows graduate student Will as he confronts the time he spent at ex-gay Camp Levi in his youth with the person he is today.

The follow-up to Dale Boyer’s 2016 debut novel “The Dandelion Cloud, Thornton Stories” (OhBoy Books) — subtitled “Tales Out of School” — returns readers to the town of Thornton, Ill. through a series of interconnected tales in which the characters attempt to “make sense of loneliness and love.” : :

life

‘The Sissy Duckling’ (2002)

by Harvey Fierstein illustrated by Henry Cole A modest chorus rings out from across the Carolinas: “You had us at ‘Fierstein.’”

Inspired, according to his author’s note, by children of New York, the inimitable Harvey spins a yarn in which family, at least initially, isn’t the source of affirmation and unconditional love we all wish it would be. But the story of Elmer, “the happiest duckling in the whole forest,” demonstrates that the response to gender norms is not only irrelevant to the question of one’s worth, but also merely one small facet of who we are. $7 ‘This Day in June’ (2014)

by Gayle E. Pitman illustrated by Kristyna Litten A quirky, joyous journey into annual Pride parades, this picture book captures a certain spirit the like of which is felt in no other kind of celebration. The text is simple and lyrical, the artwork an explosion of color and detail showcasing the beauty of a diverse community. Supplemental materials provided with the book include notes on LGBTQ history and advice for caregivers on age-appropriate discussion of sexual orientation and gender identity. $10

Dec. 1-14. 2017

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life

health and wellness

by Jack Kirven :: personal trainer, qnotes contributor

Emotional Innercise: My pet, my friend, my familiar: Part 2

N

early 10 years ago I wrote a qnotes Lifestyle article about my cat Sméagol (see goqnotes.com/671/) concerning the deep connection between us as pet parent and fur baby. When I wrote it, he was in his prime as I was recovering from a disastrous relationship that ended in my being defrauded for $100,000. Intense times. But here we are a decade later, and it’s time to revisit and close this unintended two-part entry.

I will never have kids. I like other people’s well-behaved children, but I don’t want my own. I don’t want to ever be the reason someone grows up and needs therapy. Sméagol and Ophelia are my children.

Although I don’t need or want to procreate or adopt, I do still feel an insatiable need to love, nurture and shape. And to be completely honest, my cats are a carbon copy of various parts of my personality, eccentricities and habits (while also remaining uniquely interesting people unto themselves). I’ve formed them, but they’ve definitely influenced me, too.

The caregiver in me is the font of very generous and fiery (and probably codependent) love. I want to pour this liquid gold into a receptacle, but people tend to have cracked or broken hearts, so my devotion tends to splatter all over the floor. Pets don’t have those cracks.

They receive all the love we’re willing to give,

and yet still they need more to fill them. It couldn’t be more perfect.

But the price of great love is eventually paid for with great loss. Whether it be with people or pets, we go into these relationships knowing they’ll eventually end one way or another. And yet we still want these bonds. We seek them out, because bonds bind. They tie us to life. Love is our anchor. We send love out, and we take it back in like a constant breath of interconnectivity. I’m convinced it’s the reason we’re here.

Yesterday I had to give Sméagol over to peace. He suddenly developed kidney failure brought on by aggressive pancreatic cancer.

I came home in the afternoon, took him to the hospital that evening, and the next day at noon he was wrapped in my arms as he wandered off into eternity. That was rather poetic, but it doesn’t make up for the fact that this sucks so hard that I feel like I’ve been turned inside out.

For many years Sméagol was the only person I’d see for days on end as I recovered from travel or hid away in my times of deep depression and self-inflicted hermitage. Ophelia joined us in 2013. I adore her, but Sméagol has been my boy since 2002. Our history goes back much further. The Kitty Consortium took care of me by needing me to feed and water them. They needed me to clean their messes, and they needed me to touch, play and exercise. I don’t

want to think too much about what might’ve happened if they hadn’t been there needing me.

They’re an obligation I can’t ignore. They’re affectionate and funny. They want me to be happy. They know when I’m not. Sméagol in particular devoted himself to keeping me okay.

God, I love that cat!

My grief has been terrible. If you read this and don’t understand why, I pity you. Everyone deserves to know the unconditional love of a pet. But until you have experienced this, try to reserve judgement when people you know are in my situation. Avoid statements like, “Life goes on,” “You’ll be fine,” “It’s for the best,” and “It’s just an animal.” These statements reveal that you’re an asshole. Also, “When will you replace your pet?” Yeah, you can go to hell.

Some of the ways grief keeps punching me in the gut include: • While folding laundry last night, I habitually looked down to ask Sméagol if he liked the basket, but he wasn’t there.

• The food dispenser keeps flashing its UNDERFEED ALERT at me, so now I’m stuck with a conundrum: Do I let it keep reminding me he isn’t there, or do I delete him from memory?

• I cleaned up a spot last night where he’d gotten sick while I was away for Thanksgiving, and then realized I’d never have to do that

again. I tell you plainly I’d rather have the vomit, if it meant he was still there getting so excited about eating that he’d be running around making himself sick practically daily.

• I cleaned the box last night, and realized my litter and food budget was just cut in half (perhaps even three-fourths, since Ophelia eats very little and visits the box far less often).

• There is no longer a Kitty Consortium, so the “KC” shortcut I created (and which I just had to override to type this) is obsolete.

• A few hours ago he didn’t bonk his head repeatedly against my bedroom door and holler to wake me up.

• Perhaps worst of all, Ophelia keeps wandering around crying and sitting on his favorite spots.

Another reason this sudden death is shocking is because I have to examine my own mortality again. I’m looking at all the subtle ways my body, heart and mind have been eroded (burnished?) by time. There’s also a reversal: Ten years ago he was in his prime, and I was in deep pain. Here we are, and although I’m a little more worn (seasoned?), I’m in the best shape of my life, and his pain has ended.

I’ll pick up his engraved urn in a few hours.

Sméagol’s ashes will be on my altar, because he’s still my spirit animal and collaborator in Magick. One day I may even use some of his dust to create a diamond. There are companies that do that. Good journey, Hubba Bubba.

Sméagoldy-Deeggledy-Dee. Big Poppa.

My Monster. Mister Mush. Mushous à la Squishous. Friend.

I’m a Crazy Cat Lady? I’m passionate about my family (human, feline or otherwise). I prefer that to being “dignified” in the face of loss. : : info: Jack Kirven completed the MFA in Dance at UCLA, and earned certification as a personal trainer through NASM. His wellness philosophy is founded upon integrated lifestyles as opposed to isolated workouts. Visit him at jackkirven.com and INTEGRE8Twellness.com.

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tell trinity

by Trinity :: qnotes contributor :: trinity@telltrinity.com

How to tell your best friend he or she is being cheated on Dear Trinity, Everyone except my best friend knows he’s being cheated on. Should I tell him, or should I let him find out on his own? Either way he’s in for a big hurt!

Burning Both Ends, Flint, MI Dear Burning, The question is not, “Do you tell him?” — but rather, “How do you help him get hurt the least?” He may become resentful towards you for telling him, thus, a) have an anonymous person tell him, b) suggest something like, “What would you do if…?,” c) make it possible for him to find out on his own or d) shut up and pray!

Unfortunately, sweetie, being a friend means learning to step forward at the same time as stepping back! Good luck.

Hey Trinity, Lately, it’s been so hard appreciating what I have when I feel like my life has no meaning and should have been different or better. Trinity, what do you do when life doesn’t make sense?

A Better Life, Milwaukee, WI Hey A Better Life, Smart and healthy adults question their life many times throughout life. When my life stops having

deep meaning, I start going out more with friends, watching comedies or taking a nice vacation which includes some wild affairs and/or adventures. Sometimes it also means changing jobs, changing careers or moving! But most importantly, pumpkin, remember that life is a banquet!

(Take some tips from my cartoon and make some decisions based upon what’s on the buffet!)

Hello Trinity, With all the lies and deception I’ve been experiencing around dating, do you think it’s wrong to ask for a credit check, medical records, job résumé and/or a family genealogy chart before getting serious with someone?

Get Smart, Wilmington, DE Hello Get Smart, It may sound subversive and CIA-esque, but in today’s world people are so desperate to impress that special someone that their morals and wits can often get tossed into the wind… and blown right back into your face. In olden days people lived in the same communities for many generations so everyone knew everyone, but today everyone’s a stalker — I mean a stranger. Credit checks and job résumés may be too pushy, but, honey, doing some Google and Facebook investigating before falling

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headfirst may save you a lot of headaches later on!

Dearest Trinity, Blah, blah, blah…and for the first time in my life I am having a tryst. I want it to last for as long as it can! Any advice?

Twists For Trysts, Chicago, IL Dearest Tryst, I have had my share of trysts, thank Goddess.

Oh, and darling, guess what I just found?

Trinity’s Tasteful Tips For Things To Do Before A Tryst* (*a secret meeting arranged by lovers) 1. Placing yourself into the perfect frame of mind can be as simple as breathing, being playful and leaving your troubles behind!

2. Appearing “cleaned up” and perfumed “down there” promises that you’ll be all smiles during this affair!

3. Atmosphere means candles, romantic music, clean sheets and, oh yes, turning off the damn cell phone!

4. T emperature control, i.e., fans, air conditioners and heaters, make for a comfortable, longer-lasting soiree!

5. C ontraceptives, massage lotion and a few fun toys should be placed inside the night table, not sitting open in an old shoebox!

6. B ubbling champagne flutes and dark chocolate truffles on a plate should be sitting on top of the nightstand, not far away in the kitchen!

7. P re-place extra champagne and chocolates in a cool, close place!

8. Needing or wanting more and more means sooner than later they’ll be running for the door. Be patient!

9. Yet, if time is of the essence, this means be all hands, not all words!

10. Lastly, when you’re running back to work or home or to your spouse, check or get rid of clothing stains, foreign perfume smells and their message on your cell phone! info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

Dec. 1-14. 2017

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EVENTS

Submit your event to our calendar!

December-January 2017 4X4CLT Release Party Resident Culture Brewing Company 2101 Central Ave., Charlotte 7-9 p.m.

Charlotte Lit celebrates the release of new poetry and art posters featuring work by writer Beth Ann Fennelly, and artists Scott Partridge and Gabrielle Wolfe.

Fennelly will read from her latest book, ”Heating & Cooling: 52 MicroMemoirs.” Artists Partridge and Wolfe will also be on hand. More information is available online. facebook.com/events/365604200528419.

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Facing 20: MeckPAC 2017 SEP DEC MO Victory Celebration + Anniversary Kickoff Resident Culture Brewing Company 2101 Central Ave., Charlotte 6:30-8:30 p.m.

Join MeckPAC as they celebrate 20 years, as well as the pro-equality candidates it supported who won on Election Day. RSVP to attend with a single admission of $25 (couples $50). Join as a host or sponsor at the Gold ($500), Silver ($300), or Bronze ($100) levels. RSVP and find more information online. meckpac.org/facing20event.

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Drag Trivia The Peace Pipe 204 W. Woodlawn Rd., Suite H, Charlotte 8 p.m.

Test your trivia skills with drag queen hosts Ilean and Onya. Prizes will be awarded to those who place in the top three. The event is reoccurring every other Wednesday. More information is available online. facebook.com/events/833301790183507.

SEP DEC MO

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Pajama Slumber Party with SEP DEC MO the Royals Bar Argon 4544 S. Blvd., Suite H, Charlotte 10 p.m.-12 a.m.

Don your gay apparel and party with the Charlotte Royals rugby team at Bar Argon. Raffle tickets will be sold for prize packages including a beer fridge, portable grill and Royals swag. Coat donations for children ages 6-18 will also be accepted at the door. More information is available online. facebook.com/events/1936584746667723.

You can submit your event to our comprehensive community calendar presented by qnotes, the Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce and Visit Gay Charlotte. Submit your event at goqnotes.com/eventsubmit/ and get a threefor-one entry. All Charlotte-area events will appear on each of the three calendars at qnotes (goqnotes.com), Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce (clgbtcc.org) and Visit Gay Charlotte (visitgaycharlotte.com).

‘Puddles Pity Party’ SEP DEC MO McGlohon Theater at Spirit Square 345 N. College St., Charlotte 7:30-10:30 p.m.

“Puddles Pity Party” rolls into town for a night of somber songs with a healthy dash of humor from everyone’s favorite sad clown. After successful tours throughout the world, the circus is coming to the Queen City. Find out why this show has critics applauding. Tickets begin at $25. More information and tickets are available online. blumenthalarts.org.

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Dec. 1-14 . 2017

Unity March for Charlotte Marshall Park 800 E. 3rd St., Charlotte Join Indivisible Charlotte as it partners with sister groups in the Charlotte community to peacefully assemble. Organizers shared they are assembling to resist hate, bigotry and racism and spread a message of peace, unity and equality. Location might change; check for details. facebook.com/events/172039223352688.

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Continues through Jan. 28 SEP JAN MO ‘The Phantom of the Opera’ Belk Theater at Blumenthal Equity Community Discussion Performing Arts Center SEP DEC MO Little Rock A.M.E. Zion Church 130 N. Tryon St., Charlotte 401 N. McDowell St., Charlotte One of the world’s most beloved and 10:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m. well-known musicals, “The Phantom of Join the National NAACP, the Opera,” returns to Charlotte as part Charlotte-Mecklenburg NAACP, and U2U of a brand in a community discussion on equity and new North equality. More information is available American online. The discussion will center around Tour. See how to take away the disadvantages in why critics your life. are praising facebook.com/events/126232074715233. Cameron Mackintosh’s new production of the Andrew Lloyd Webber classic.

The production, overseen by Matthew Bourne and Mackintosh, features exciting special effects, and the famous score, with songs like “Music of the Night,” “All I Ask Of You,” and “Masquerade,” performed by a cast and orchestra of 52. Tickets begin at $25. More information and tickets are available online. blumenthalarts.org.

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Free Bowling Night with Stonewall Sports AMF Centennial Lanes 4501 S. Blvd., Charlotte 7-9 p.m.

Join Stonewall Sports for a night of free bowling for all current and prospective players, ages 21 and up, that includes cost of rental shoes. More information is available online. stonewallcharlotte.leagueapps.com.

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To see more upcoming events, visit goqnotes.com/calendar/

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Found Footage Festival Vol. 8 Neighborhood Theatre 511 E. 36th St., Charlotte 7 p.m.

Join Joe Pickett (“The Onion”) and Nick Prueher (“Late Show with David Letterman”) for an brand new edition of the Found Footage Festival, featuring unearthed VHS gems found at thrift stores across the country.

Highlights include a collection of satanic panic videos from the 1980s, outtakes and on-air bloopers from a local news station and highlights from David Letterman’s video collection, inherited by the Found Footage Festival when Letterman retired.

Tickets are $10, $12 the day of the show.

Tickets are available online. ticketfly.com/purchase/event/1558887.

SEP DEC MO

Submit your event at goqnotes.com/eventsubmit/

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life

Our People:

Q&A with Rodney Hines Business owner shares what he loves about his work, his city and his staff

by Jeff Taylor :: qnotes staff

B

usiness owner Rodney Hines hails from Hickory, N.C. and decided to make the move to Charlotte, N.C. in 2000 to pursue life in a bigger city. His dream of owning his own store has since been realized twice over.

Hines opened home décor store The Furniture Connector in 2001, at 129 Southside Dr. Ten years later, he opened the High Cotton Home Company, at 2137 S. Blvd. Suite 100.

He shares what he likes best about his work, his time off and the city he now calls home.

What drew you to the interior decorating world? Did you always have a good eye for home décor?

I feel that I am the luckiest person in the world, because I love the industry that I am fortunate enough to be working in. Majoring in marketing and accounting, and working with my two biggest mentors, Peg Hollifield, my first boss in retail, to my position as assistant to the director of design, Will Merrill, taught me the drive and passion I now carry with me on a daily basis.

What is your favorite part of your job?

I truly love helping people with their homes and look for staff members who have the

same drive. Working with my staff side-byside makes me smile and truly makes me feel blessed. My business partner and staff are the true [keys to the] success of my businesses.

What’s your favorite way to spend a day off?

Like most people, I run errands and relax. I do like going to lunch with friends and catching up with my family.

What’s your favorite thing to binge watch?

I like anything I can stream without commercials: “Stranger Things,” “Will & Grace,” “Game of Thrones.”

If you could change one thing about Charlotte, what would it be?

I come from a small town. I think Charlotte is a great small city. Are there things I would want to change? Yes, but why focus on the negative? We all have to work together to achieve the best for all communities.

What are some of your favorite things about Charlotte?

The Southern charm, the wonderful places to eat, and the arts. : :

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