QNotes, Dec. 19, 2014-Jan. 1, 2015 by QnotesCarolinas

Dec. 19 . 2014 - Jan. 1 2015

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Dec. 19 . 2014 - Jan. 1 . 2015

inside

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news & features

arts. entertainment. news. views. 10 News Notes: Regional Briefs 11 News Notes: U.S./World Briefs 12 Person of the Year: Joshua Burford 14 Top Stories of the Year 15 Reflections across Carolinas

a&e / life&style 19 20 20 22

Dishing with Buff Faye Jane’s World Tell Trinity Q Events Calendar

opinions & views 4 4 4 5

QPoll Editor’s Note Spiritual Reflections Letter to the Editor

This year’s elections were among the most significant stories of the year. For LGBT people, it’s on the state level where the most impact was felt. For the first time in a decade, the legislature will be without an openly gay or lesbian voice. Billy Maddalon, pictured above standing, could have served in the body. Mecklenburg County Democrats appointed Jeff Jackson, seated at Maddalon’s right, to the vacant state Senate seat instead. Read more about this top story of 2014 and many more starting on page 14.

Dec. 19 . 2014 - Jan. 1 2015

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qnotes connect Dec. 19, 2014 - Jan. 1, 2015 Vol 29 No 17

arts. entertainment. news. views. goqnotes.com twitter.com/qnotescarolinas facebook.com/qnotescarolinas

contributors this issue

Paige Braddock, Matt Comer, Esih Efuru, Buff Faye, Lainey Millen, Trinity, John M. Witherington

front page

Graphic Design by Matt Comer & Lainey Millen Photography: Matt Comer Mission:

The focus of QNotes is to serve the LGBT and straight ally communities of the Charlotte region, North Carolina and beyond, by featuring arts, entertainment, news and views content in print and online that directly enlightens, informs and engages the readers about LGBT life and social justice issues. Pride Publishing & Typesetting, Inc., dba QNotes P.O. Box 221841, Charlotte, NC 28222 ph 704.531.9988 fx 704.531.1361 Publisher: Jim Yarbrough Sales: x201 adsales@goqnotes.com Nat’l Sales: Rivendell Media, ph 212.242.6863 Editor: Matt Comer, x202 editor@goqnotes.com Production: Lainey Millen, x205 production@goqnotes.com Printed on recycled paper.

by Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com

A year of change and challenge I was wrong. Dead wrong. Even when the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals struck down Virginia’s anti-LGBT marriage ban, I continued to be wrong. Luckily, I wasn’t alone. I and many other journalists, observers, activists, lawyers and advocacy professionals had expected LGBT marriage equality would ultimately head to the Supreme Court again this year, putting most, if not all, continued forward movement on the issue on hold until they ruled a second time on the question. Personally, I thought it’d take another few years for marriage equality to reach the golden shores of our beaches and the blue-ridged slopes of our mountains. But that’s not how it went down. On Oct. 6, history was changed when the Supreme Court declined to hear several appellate cases on the issue, including the Fourth Circuit’s landmark Virginia decision. In less than a week, a federal judge in North Carolina followed along with its appellate district — finally opening marriage equality to North Carolina’s LGBT couples. In 2007, I was a 21-year-old college student, taking a semester off from college to work with Soulforce on their second Equality Ride to conservative, anti-LGBT colleges and universities. That summer, I joined the group again on their New York Right to Marry Campaign. We had the opportunity to stop in New York City, where we had a sit-down question-and-answer period with Evan Wolfson, director of Freedom To Marry. I asked him then what he thought it would take before a state like mine could see such amazing change. The Supreme Court, he said, would have to rule on the issue. As it turned out, Wolfson was right — in part. The Supreme Court’s June 2013 decision in the Windsor case, striking down only the federal

by Esih Efuru :: qnotes contributor

Dream Big I spent my eighth grade afternoons immersed in “The Autobiography of Malcolm X.” My teacher, Ms. Lela Lynch, thought I would enjoy his story and loaned me her copy. Later, at night, I would dream of a life that was exciting enough to write about. I would even dare myself to dream that people would be interested in the stories my wonder years would yield. Like Malcolm, someone would be willing to hear about how I surfed through the inner-city life and made it to the glorious zenith we call adulthood. Becoming a teacher that told stories was my street-corner dream. I was insane enough to believe that I had the ability and nerve to pull it off someday. As I entered college and majored in English, a few bad grades in expository and creative writing made me wonder if I needed to shift gears. Lucky for me, my writing turned its corner and I graduated with a personal recommendation from my department chair to intern for Alice Walker. The street corner dream took shape, and soon after, took off. Our childhood dreams have the potential to manifest into the bliss that we often wish for. Those sparkling eyes that have the courage to reach for the stars don’t have to become dim. We have the power to keep them ablaze by folding love and confidence into each day of our lives, daring

Something Else

Nightlife

Community Center

13 %

charlotteobserver.com/1166/ a local news partner of The Charlotte Observer

% 23

upcoming issues: 01.02.15: Get Healthy & Organized Advertising Space Deadline: Dec. 24 01.16.15: Homeless & Poverty Advertising Space Deadline: Jan. 7

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portions of the Defense of Marriage Act, is all it took for federal district courts and appellate courts to draw their own conclusions on the merits of equal protection for same-gender couples. As 2014 comes to a close, the nation’s highest court remains silent on the issue of full marriage equality across all 50 of our states. The change we’ve witnessed this year has been tremendous. It almost seems too quick — coming all so much faster than I could have imagined. I’m thankful I’ve been lucky enough to witness these changes first hand. But I’m not satisfied. Not yet. I want more. We all deserve more. Marriage was the defining movement story for our community this year. It was so defining that it very often crowded out other important issues in our quest for social and economic justice for all LGBT people. As such, we’ve faced great challenges in getting movement leaders, community members and the media to address a variety of broader topics in desperate need of attention. With marriage firmly on its road to victory, I hope the next 12 months bring us opportunities to move further forward — on protections from discrimination in employment, public accommodations and housing, on more protections and support for LGBT youth, on immigration reform to help our LGBT siblings stuck between caring for their families and fearing possible deportation to nations hostile to their existence, on prohibitions against racial profiling and racist targeting of people of color and on economic justice for our LGBT siblings facing poverty and all the risks it entails. If our community is to move forward, it must do so united behind a vision that tackles all of these issues with equal weight and skill. We have the talent, the money and the infrastructure. All we need is the will. : :

spiritual reflections

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editor’s note

the world to meet our fervor. If we truly wish for it, it can happen. We are the only ones standing in the way of the outcome. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., began his journey as a young man determined to fight for the civil rights of all human beings. He gave his life for the cause he believed in and decreed on the last night of his life that his dream would manifest. He was courageous enough to predict that he wouldn’t see it, and he was determined enough in his faith to ensure that it would come to pass. Imagine if we were willing to lose our lives for the dreams that boil within us? How would the world be impacted if we dared to predict our futures and our successes? How different would your lives be right now? Dream on as widely as you can. Give your passions and goals the star treatment and pour as much love as you can stomach into them. Write notes to yourself on the mirror, or record affirmations to yourself to play every day as you would an alarm. The energy you place into yourself and the things you wish to accomplish will determine the outcome. Dr. King devoted 100 percent of his energy to justice, and the universe still feels the impact. How big can you dream? How soon will you start? : :

QPoll We asked online readers what they thought was the most important and significant local/regional LGBT news story in 2014? Here’ s how they voted.

55% Marriage Equality

 Marriage equality (55%)  2014 election and loss by Kay Hagan, openly gay candidates (23% )  Crisis and changes at the LGBT Community Center of Charlotte (13% )  Loss of Charlotte area LGBT nightlife establishments (6% )  Something else (3%)

2014 Election

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Want to participate in future online polls and have your vote and comments featured in our print editions? Head online to goqnotes.com/to/qpoll/ for our latest polls .

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views

letters to the editor Send your letters (please keep 200 words or less) or guest commentaries (600 words or less) to letters@goqnotes.com. All letters must be signed with your first and last name and your city/state. We do not accept unsigned letters or commentaries. Campus Pride’s commitment to transparency In reference to your recently-published Community Assessment Survey of local LGBTQ non-profits (Dec. 5, 2014, goqnotes.com/33076/), I wanted to thank you for providing transparency to the Charlotte LGBTQ donor community on the financial security of the organizations we love and support. Not only does your report provide accountability to those running these organizations, but it also gives the organizations a clearer profile of the typical Charlotte LGBTQ and ally donor. In support of your work and as Board Chair of Campus Pride, I would like to provide financial information related to Campus Pride and our local work from 2013. As one of the many national organizations and businesses that call Charlotte home (and one of the few LGBTQ national organizations based in the South), Campus Pride has a strong donor base in Charlotte who may also be interested in our local LGBTQ programs and services and how we are using donors’ money. Campus Pride has experienced strong 21 percent growth since 2010, bringing in $402,889 in revenue in 2013, as stated on our 2013 Form 990. Expenses for the same period totaled $350,170. Our salaries for 2013 were $62,000,

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and our occupancy costs (which include both rent and administrative costs) were $31,372. Since Campus Pride is based in Charlotte, these salary and occupancy costs benefit our local economy. An additional $70,000 of our 2013 annual budget was directed to local Charlottebased programs, resources and staff hours to benefit LGBTQ (and all) youth in the Charlotte area through direct service and outreach. In addition to working with students at nine regional colleges — Davidson, UNC Charlotte, Central Piedmont, Queens, Johnson C. Smith, Johnson & Wales, Winthrop, Wingate and Rowan Cabarrus Community College — Campus Pride regularly hosts local events with local partners, such as the community forum titled “Beyond Marriage Equality” on Dec. 17 at the Levine Museum of the New South. For the last five years, we have held a college fair in Charlotte for LGBTQ youth to find inclusive campuses, scholarships and other prep services. Furthermore, we are expanding our week-long spring and winter “Alternative Breaks” program, in which we host in Charlotte nearly 20 students from Central Michigan University (and this year, an additional two groups of 20 from Clemson University and

University of South Florida), providing these students service and engagement opportunities with our local Charlotte community partners. This past summer, Campus Pride employed four summer fellows and one intern in our Charlotte office. And in 2015, we will announce plans to host our nine-year-old signature program, Camp Pride, in our hometown of Charlotte. Regarding our 2013 revenue, a majority (58 percent) directly comes from program revenues and the remainder from sponsorships, grants and individual donors. In fact, only 7.5 percent of our 2013 revenues came from local Charlotte organizations/grants and only 3.5 percent of revenues were from Charlotte individual donors. Campus Pride works every year to have a diverse revenue base reflecting grants and donors from different geographic regions as well as maintaining strength in our program revenues. Despite Campus Pride not qualifying for your survey, I did want to offer transparency into our financial health for the Charlotte community and our local donors. Looking forward, Campus Pride is proud to continue to call Charlotte home and make significant investments locally to support LGBTQ youth and change lives. : : — John M. Witherington, board chair, Campus Pride, Charlotte, N.C.

Errata The original version of an article on Henry Amador (“Gay dad joins council,” Dec. 5, 2014, page 6) incorrectly attributed him and his husband with significant work in another community organization. This was not accurate. The original version of the Dec. 5, 2014 edition of “Playing the Field” (page 16) inaccurately described the amount of charitable monies raised by Stonewall Kickball Charlotte for Time Out Youth Center. Several thousands of dollars were raised. We regret these errors.

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news notes: carolinas compiled by Lainey Millen & Matt Comer

Charlotte

Concert approaches

Youth benefit slated

CHARLOTTE — “Turn Back Time,” a special night of Cher-ity benefiting Campus Pride, will be held on Dec. 29, 9:30 p.m., at The Bar at 316, 316 Rensselaer Ave. The show spans six decades of music and brings together 12 drag personalities who will take the stage as Cher impersonators. Host for the evening’s entertainment will be Buff Faye. Featured performers are: Jessica Raynes, Chea Allen (Greg Fulk), Angela Lopez, BethAnn Phetamine, Carmen Banks, Sierra Santana, Natasha De La Mer, Tia Douglas, Kassandra Kassy Hylton, Amber Rochelle, Lucy Furr and Felicia Monet. Note that “drag entertainers may change just as Cher did over the years”, said Shane Windmeyer, executive director of Campus Pride. The Bar at 316 will contribute 10 percent of proceeds to Campus Pride. And, every $1 will be matched up to $10,000. info: campuspride.org. — L.M.

Strategy planning session set

WINSTON-SALEM — A holiday concert, “The Christmas Spirit,” will be held on Dec. 22, 7 p.m., at Metropolitan Community Church Winston-Salem, 4105 Patsy Dr. Musical talent comes from the WinstonSalem and Greensboro areas. They will present classical and commercial arrangements of popular carols. A dessert social follows. Participants are asked to bring a favorite to share. Dr. Tika Douthit, an instructor and assistant band director at Winston Salem State University, is helping to bring the tour to the church. In other news, church goers will gather on Christmas Eve, Dec. 24, for a family-style celebration. Enjoy singing Christmas carols, hear the biblical story of the birth of Jesus and celebrate communion in a less formal environment. A potluck will take place during worship. Contact the church for exact time at 336784-8009. info: mccws.org. — L.M.

CHARLOTTE — The National Diversity Case continued for homicide defendant Council Carolinas will hold a strategic planning GREENSBORO — The man charged with session on Feb. 5, 11:30 a.m., at One Wells the brutal beating and death of a Greensboro Fargo Center, 435 S. Tryon St., Suite 200. man appeared in court on Dec. 10, having his The session will aim to gather thoughts, case continued into the new year. ideas and suggestions from local busiGarry Gupton, 26, is charged ness and community leaders and utilize with first-degree murder in the the feedback to help revitalize the NDC Nov. 9 death of Stephen White, Carolinas in 2015, organizers shared. 46. Gupton and White had All business and community leaders met each other at Chemistry are welcome. Admission is free. Nightclub, a local gay bar, “We would love to hear from you so returning to a hotel room at that we can ensure that your local NDC the Battleground Inn later that Carolinas chapter fulfills your diversity Garry Joseph Gupton evening where White was found and inclusion needs,” organizers added. brutally beaten and set on fire. He died from Call-in capabilities will be available for the severe injuries nearly a week later on individuals who are far from Charlotte and unNov. 15. able to attend. Gupton’s case will be moved to Feb. 19. To RSVP, visit eventbrite.com/e/2015— M.C. strategic-planning-session-ndc-carolinastickets-14534301487. Wells Fargo serves as sponsor of the event. info: kiara.fortson@nationaldiversitycouncil.org. ndccarolinas.org. — L.M.

Triad Trees sales help foundation

GREENSBORO — Fred & Dot Wagoner Christmas Trees, located at 2701 Lawndale Dr., will donate $5 from every sale of Christmas trees to the Guilford Green Foundation when purchasers spend more than $50 with them. A coupon (seen here) must be presented at the time of purchase. Trees are cut weekly and wreaths are made daily on site from fraser fir, magnolia, boxwood and leyland cypress. Additionally, there are designer bows, centerpiece arrangements, ivy topiaries and more. info: ggfnc.org. — L.M.

qnotes

Triangle Center welcomes in the holidays

RALEIGH — The LGBT Center of Raleigh, 234 S. Harrington St., will host a holiday open house on Dec. 25 at 12 p.m. Attendees are encouraged to bring holiday treats and special food items. Food items that do not need refrigeration can be dropped off starting Dec. 22 with a note taped to it that says, “do not open until Dec. 25” on it. info: lgbtcenterofraleigh.org. — L.M.

Fest seeks funds

RALEIGH — Crape Myrtle Festival has created an innovative method to raising funds for its organization. During the holiday season and beyond, shoppers can visit AmazonSmile and with each eligible AmazonSmile purchase, 0.5 percent of the price of each item will be contributed to CMF at no cost to the consumer. Earmarking funds for CMF is simple. Visit the site and designate the group to receive the proceeds. More information and signup is available online. info: smile.amazon.com/ch/56-1743355. — L.M.

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Center marks milestones, changes CHAPEL HILL — The LGBTQ Center at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill has reached a milestone over the last year, as it celebrated its 10th anniversary and continued to strengthen its Safe Zone program, among other items. A kick-off history panel took place on May 2, bringing together “pivotal agents in the creation and continued operation of the Center,” the LGBTQ Center publication Aluminate reported. Panelists discussed “roadblocks they navigated, alliances forged and accomplishments lauded.” They also shared their memories surrounding the center’s founding and its growth over the years. An alumni mixer was held immediately following the panel, complete with Motown music, darts, foosball and pool. The next afternoon a recognition banquet was held where guests enjoyed “Highlights of a Decade,” a short film documenting the center’s history. The finale to the weekend was attending the Lavender Graduation ceremony where LGBT graduating students were recognized. During the summer, staff changes included Angel Collie (assistant director), Taimur “TK” Khan and Amee Wurzburg (Q group co-facilitators) and others. The school’s 2015 Triangle Resource Fair was announced for Jan. 30, 4 p.m., at the Student Union’s Great Hall. The event historically rounds out Ally Week. It supports people of all sexual orientations, gender identities and gender expressions. The Safe Zone program sports 2,124 allies on campus. Each one must complete a four-hour training session and upon completion, is awarded a sign with one’s name on it, signifying an affirmation pledge by the individual. Allies include faculty, adjust faculty, staff, graduate students, graduate students/staff, undergraduate and others. As of Nov. 14, 3,346 allies have undergone training, not including those who received training outside the university. In early 2015, training will take place on Jan. 22, Feb. 11 and March 3. Other targeted training sessions include gender identity and gender expression, Feb. 24; faculty and staff, March 17; and graduate students, faculty and instructors, Jan. 16. Contributions are always welcome to sustain the work of the center and can be made online. info: lgbtq.unc.edu. — L.M.

Org meeting announced

CHAPEL HILL — Reconciling United Methodists will hold its quarterly meeting on Jan. 11, 7 p.m., at Amity United Methodist Church, 825 N. Estes Dr. Some agenda items include coordinating plans for the upcoming annual conference in June and a review of “Loving My LGBT Neighbor: Being Friends in Grace and Truth,” a book by Glenn T. Stanton. Auxiliary meetings are now being held in Wilmington, N.C., for those who are unable to attend the quarterly sessions. The board is seeking to form others in Fayetteville and Greenville. The Methodist Federation for Social Action and Reconciling United Methodists North Carolina will host a joint worship service and luncheon at the conference on June 12 at the Front Street Brewery. More information on the conference and associated activities will be available in the spring. info: rum-nc.org. — L.M.

Proposals sought for workshops

RALEIGH — Equality North Carolina Foundation will be hosting its 2015 AdvaNCe Equality Conference on March 1, 2015, and is seeking workshop proposals. The day-long institute, to be held in Orange County, supports pro-equality activism. To that end, organizers have shared themes that will meet their goals while addressing topics of importance, including transgender visibility, rights and justice; empowering youth activism; winning the freedom to work; cultivating lived equality; and leading a new era of pro-equality civic, electoral and business engagement. Proposals are due by Feb. 1, 2015, by the end of day. Notifications will follow on Feb. 15, 2015.

The workshop application is available online. info: 919-829-0343, conference@equalitync.org. equalityncfoundation.org/conference. — L.M.

Wedding pros see marked increases

RALEIGH — The Triangle Business Journal reported that there has been a increase in wedding professionals’ businesses since marriage equality came to North Carolina in October. Planners have been busy coordinating nuptial ceremonies, but had also arranged unity ceremonies prior to the legislative change. LGBT wedding expos are seeing increased interest across the nation and Carolina-based Rainbow Wedding Network is among them. The business began as a wedding registry, but grew since its inception in 1998 to include expos. Begun by Marianne Puechl and Cindy Sproul, it is among businesses who serve the LGBT community without prejudice nor the previous awkwardness prevalent in straight-owned businesses who were unfamiliar with couples’ targeted needs. Two expos are slated for the Tar Heel State during the upcoming months. One will be held in Raleigh on Jan 18, 2015, at Solas, 419 Glenwood Ave., and another in Charlotte on Feb. 15, 2015, at the Sheraton Charlotte Hotel, 555 S. McDowell St. Photographers, officiants, florists, caterers and more are also among the growing list of businesses offering their services to the community. Purple Unions (gay and lesbian wedding directory) is one of them. Also, Equality North Carolina has a page devoted to Day One that outlines marriage equality resources. info: rainbowweddingnetwork.com. purpleunions.com. equalitync.org/marriage/dayone. — L.M.

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news notes: u.s./world. More lesbians marry than do gay men, gays have lower divorce rate The U.S. Supreme Court ruling last year that struck down a key provision of the Defense of Marriage Act has contributed to a significant increase in the number of same-sex couples marrying — even in states that had marriage equality long before the decision — according to new analysis by the Williams Institute. State administrative data shows that the number of same-sex couples who married nearly doubled in marriage equality states from 2012 to 2013. The Williams Institute’s finding of this “Windsor Effect” (a reference to the U.S. v. Windsor case) is part of a series of new analyses based on administrative data from states that recognized samesex marriages and relationships as of early 2014. These analyses also show that almost two-thirds (64 percent) of all same-sex couples who entered legal relationships are female and that on average 1.1 percent of same-sex couples dissolve their relationships each year. This rate is lower than the annual divorce rate for married different-sex couples (2 percent). The Williams Institute, in partnership with Credit Suisse, has also released a new, interactive resource exploring the amount of money state economies have to gain by allowing same-sex couples to marry. Based on a series of state-level studies, the resource estimates that the nationwide economic boost from marriage of same-sex couples could be up to $2.6 billion in just the first three years. “Same-sex couples and their out-of-town guests spend money to celebrate weddings,” said Williams Institute scholar M.V. Lee Badgett,. “As we have seen in states that already extend marriage to same-sex couples, this spending boost can lead to an influx of tourism dollars that benefit local businesses and an increase in state and local tax revenue. : :” Vicky Mangus and Kathy Stewart-Mangus wed outside the Mecklenburg County Register of Deeds office on Oct. 13. — LGBTQ Nation (lgbtqnation.com), a qnotes news partner QUICK HITS ——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————— A Virginia state lawmaker says he will bring a bill before the 2015 General Assembly aimed at banning gay-to-straight conversion therapy on LGBT youth. The move comes after an anti-LGBT group placed an

“ex-gay” billboard in Richmond. more: bit.ly/1wK1j9A. bit.ly/1wK1kKo

reading “NOHOMO.” more: bit.ly/12Xyo3G

The Alabama Department of Motor Vehicles has said it will recall a personalized license plate it issued

Voters in Fayetteville, Ark., on Dec. 9 repealed a controversial LGBT-inclusive non-discrimination or-

dinance approved by the city council in August. The repeal vote was 52 to 48 percent. more: bit.ly/1wK1aTp The U.S. Department of Health and

Human Services has proposed new regulations that would require hospitals that accept Medicare or Medicaid to recognize same-sex spouses as a condition for participation. more: bit.ly/1z2ez8c

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2014 Person of the Year: Joshua Burford UNC-Charlotte staffer, community archivist leaves mark on newfound home by Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com

t’s been a little over two years since Joshua Burford moved to the Queen City. Adopting it as his newfound home, he wasted no time jumping in. I remember the first time I met him. He’d already had an interest in community history, helping to create an LGBT community archive at the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa. He was just as interested in gathering local history here. Sitting at the LGBT Community Center of Charlotte, then still at the NC Music Factory, Burford spoke of all the possible ways the community could gather its history and preserve it. Less than a year later, in August 2013, Burford worked with University of North Carolina-Charlotte archivist Meredith Raiford to launch the new Charlotte LGBTQ Community Archive and house it at the university’s J. Murray Atkins Library Special Collections. In the time since, Burford, 40, has dedicated his free time outside of his day job to meeting with community members and ruffling through old boxes full of paperwork, fliers, newspaper clippings, meeting minutes and more. “I’ve probably spoken to 600 or 700 people,” Burford says. “It’s intense. It’s wonderful.” Both the personal and collective impacts of so many deep, significant conversations and historical research aren’t lost on him. “It feels so wonderful to be a part of the collection and preservation,” he says. “People are so grateful, which is not what I’d expected. I’ve been told by a number of people — people who are in their 70s, their 50s, people who are 12 — that they feel grateful that someone is listening to them. The archive is listening to them, collecting their work and making sure it doesn’t disappear.” There’s no doubt that the archive’s banner year, and Burford’s work in shepherding it, has been in 2014. In July, the documents and treasures collected in the archive enabled and supported Burford’s creation of a local LGBT history timeline — one of several components in the Levine Museum of the New South’s exhibit, “LGBTQ Perspectives on Equality.” The timeline stretches from the late 1940s through the present, recounting a local LGBT community’s trials, tribulations and triumphs over decades of change and evolution. Creating the timeline was a task that Burford relished. It also gave him worry. “I was really scared when the timeline went up on the wall,” he recounts. “It’s a big deal to try to illuminate the history of a community you don’t belong to. I was worried I would leave somebody out or I was going to get something wrong, which is why I spent so much time working on it.”

❝ It would imply that I had a plan when I moved here, to say that I was instigating things. I didn’t. It’s just kind of what I do. This is how I live my life. ❞

urford’s worries proved needless. When the timeline and the rest of the Levine’s LGBT exhibits debuted, they were met with astounding levels of praise and recognition — write-ups in local and national newspapers, including The Washington Post,

qnotes

Dec. 19 . 2014 - Jan. 1 . 2015

— Joshua Burford

appearances on WFAE’s Charlotte Talks and a community that seemed to jump at the opportunity to host events at the Levine, offering their attendees opportunities to view the exhibits. Burford says he didn’t expect many of the responses. “I knew when it came out, people would like it. I knew people would come see it. The requests for tours, I was prepared for that,” he says. “I just didn’t realize all the things it could do once it went up. Everything else that happened, I couldn’t have prepared myself for — conversations with Serbian journalists, a chance to work in different high schools and starting an LGBT history program in schools. I never saw those coming. And the million and one emails I’ve gotten from Oregon and Alabama and Kentucky and New York from people who said we didn’t know this was a thing, that it could happen and now we want to do this here.” And the timeline has been an inspiration, too, coinciding with what seems like a resurgence of new community thought, activism and conversation. Burford’s too humble, though. He recoils when any credit is tossed his way. He calls renewed local

activist fervor a convergence and coincidence — certainly not a result of his work, he says. “You could see a new activist tradition sort of getting it’s feet again in the last few years. That’s not new,” he says. “The response we’re seeing now to Ferguson and what happened in New York are a direct offshoot of what’s happening in this country. People are tired of being stepped on and tired of feeling isolated.” He adds, “In a sense, it’s just a happy coincidence that the timeline went up when it did and people are able to see what an activist history looks like. It really is an activist history. I didn’t intend for it to be an activist history, but that’s exactly what it turned out to be.” But there’s no doubt the timeline has encouraged and inspired others. Older community members, Burford says, have been able to see their work — often individualized — within a larger context of history. “They say they didn’t realize their work had had this impact,” he recounts.

see Burford on 23

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qnotes

2014 Year in Review:

Momentum and Change Marriage equality dominated headlines, as other stories also kept the community busy throughout the year by Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com

t’s another year for the history books, folks. And, wow, it’s quite a year. Legal advances in equality, a major midterm election, changes in our local community and more kept the staff here at qnotes rolling with news updates all year long. Here’s our recap of some of the most important, significant stories we reported on this year, along with stories, commentaries and other issues among the most-visited on our website — stories and issues you thought were important enough to share, discuss and debate widely. Marriage momentum There’s no doubt that forward movement of marriage equality was this year’s top story. News on legal advancements, lawsuits, court decisions and advocacy kept popping up throughout the year. It all began in February, when a U.S. District Court judge in Virginia overturned the commonwealth’s anti-LGBT marriage amendment, setting into motion future moves that would finally bring full marriage equality to North Carolina. Meanwhile, three cases in North Carolina continued to wait their day in district court — two filed by the American Civil Liberties Union in Greensboro and another filed privately in Asheville. In April, a fourth case was added to

the mix when the United Church of Christ along with other clergy from a variety of faith traditions and same-gender couples filed suit in Charlotte. The church’s suit was the first to argue against an anti-LGBT marriage amendment using the First Amendment as its legal rationale. The Virginia case eventually wound up at the Fourth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals where, in July, a three-judge panel upheld the lower court’s ruling overturning the legislation. The decision was put on hold as it was appealed to the Supreme A supportive couple arrived at the Mecklenburg County Court, along with several other apRegister of Deeds office on Oct. 13 with colorful cupcakes pellate cases across the country. in tow, helping newly-married couples, officiants and others Finally, on Oct. 6, the Supreme celebrate the state’s new-found legal LGBT marriage equality. Court took up the issue. Well, not Photo Credit: Grant Baldwin (grantbaldwinphoto.com) really. The court didn’t have enough votes to bring any of the marriage Court halted any forward movement until appeals, including Virginia’s, onto their docket. federal courts could intervene. And, less than a The lack of movement, in effect, upheld the week later, late in the afternoon on Friday, Oct. circuit courts’ rulings. 10, a Western North Carolina judge ruled on the Virginia opened their marriages up to sameUnited Church of Christ’s case, striking down gender couples the same day. A couple in South the state’s anti-LGBT amendment. Carolina attempted to get a marriage license a What followed were days of celebration couple days later, though their state Supreme across the state. In Raleigh, Greensboro and Asheville, local registers of deeds offices remained open late, issuing licenses to dozens and dozens of same-gender couples who had lined up in anticipation of a positive ruling. In Charlotte and in the rest of the state, couples waited patiently over the weekend. On Monday, they rushed to local courthouses to receive licenses and wed. In the aftermath of the rulings, interest shifted to ensuring the new legal lay of the land was protected across the state. Advocates, including those with Equality North Carolina, stood up when a handful of local registers of deeds and magistrates either refused to issue marriage licenses or perform the marriages. Meanwhile Republican state legislative leaders — House Speaker (and now U.S. Sen.elect) Thom Tillis and Senate President Pro Tempore Phil Berger — hired attorneys affili-

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2014 YEAR IN REVIEW

Reflections from across the Carolinas Taking a look at top news briefs from the past year by Lainey Millen :: lainey@goqnotes.com

he last year has certainly been a busy one for community organizations and newsmakers across the region. Volunteers helped support their favorite groups as they grew and changed. Activists spoke up on important issues. New leaders stepped up. Below, we’ve compiled some of the top community news items from our year’s worth of regional news briefs. Journey back with us through the year on these community events, milestones and happenings. January 01.03.14 The guys took to the stage in Charlotte to compete in “Dragging with the Stars” — an event that paired amateur drag newbies with a seasoned professional — with tip monies going to each of the five participants’ charities. St. John’s Metropolitan Community Church in Raleigh, N.C., satisfied their building’s payout with a celebration marking its final mortgage payment. The church purchased the property 20 years ago. 01.17.14 The Conference Board of Church and Society of the North Carolina United Methodist Church announced its second Bishop’s Forum that addressed same-gender marriage. This came on the tail of the church’s adoption of a resolution recognizing LGBT members within the church. 01.31.14 Blue Cross and Blue Shield of North Carolina nixed plans by Thomas Hafke and Chad Higby to obtain same-sex couple health insurance. After applying for it, paying premiums and receiving their cards in the mail, they were told their policy was no good. Same-gender marriage was not legal in North Carolina at the time and the carrier would not cover individual applicants, but would provide for domestic partner coverage for large corporations or other group policy customers. The carrier, nonetheless, has historically been a supporter of the LGBT community. The policy was later reversed. A Moral March was planned to converge on the North Carolina General Assembly in Raleigh. This was held as part of the Historic Thousands on Jones Street in support of the state’s NAACP. Equality North Carolina became one of the event’s participants. Equality North Carolina also announced plans for #GetEngagedNC institutes across the state to focus on voter engagement and pro-equality issue education. February 02.14.14 Philanthropist J.D. Lewis and his sons expanded their Twelve In Twelve initiatives to

connect youth to humanitarian efforts worldwide. Six local schools were chosen for the pilot program. Historic O.Henry’s in Asheville changed ownership. The bar was considered one of the longest running gay bars in the state.

Public Policy Polling reported that voters in North Carolina were becoming more tolerant and that their attitudes on gay marriage had shifted.

02.28.14 The Charlotte Business Guild announced a new meeting modus operandi for its organization. It began its quarterly Exchange Series, along with networking socials and quarterly dinner meetings with speakers. A benefit was held at the Green Monkey to raise monies for the family of 11-year-old Michael Morones. The boy was bullied at school for his affinity for Brony, boys who like My Little Pony. As a result he attempted suicide and was hospitalized in intensive care.

05.09.14 Tamara Sheffield and Maryja Mee, a couple from Salisbury, were one of five to net $5,000 in the Big Gay (Il)legal Wedding contest from the American Civil Liberties Union. The duo were also treated to a free wedding. A video promoting acceptance of alternative lifestyles created a stir with parents at Brevard High School when they discovered that a counselor has sent out an email and letter to students and parents sharing the school’s Acceptance Club project video. The video was shared as part of No Name Calling week during its Acceptance Week.

March 03.14.14 New Life Metropolitan Community Church hired Rev. Dawn Jennifer Flynn, who is transgender, as its pastor. Tabatha Holmes set up an online petition to ask the South Carolina state legislature to reinstate funding to two colleges which had used LGBT-themed books for their reading programs. The Charlotte Business Guild became an affiliate of the National Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce. The organization also established its Aspiring Leaders initiative, an internship and mentoring program. 03.28.14 College students from Central Michigan University came to Charlotte to offer volunteer hours to Campus Pride as part of its Alternative Break program. Time Out Youth Center’s Micah Johnson rallied in support for the Safe Schools Improvement Act, asking the community to be part of a communication campaign to North Carolina’s congressional and Senate representatives asking them to be part of the initiative. April 04.11.14 An “Angels in America” retrospective panel discussion was announced in advance of the Carolina Actors Studio Theatre’s re-staging of the iconic play this year. The play was ensconced in controversy in the mid-1990s when the Mecklenburg County Commission stripped public funding from the Arts & Science Council in the aftermath of the performances. State Farm agent Pam Herndon was able to write a multi-auto policy for a same-sex couple, the first in North Carolina. 04.25.14 The Raleigh Business and Professional Network became another North Carolina affiliate of the National Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce.

May

05.23.14 A Rural Pride campaign was launched by the U.S. Department of Agriculture and the National Center for Lesbian Rights. A kick-off summit at North Carolina A&T State University in Greensboro, N.C., was announced. A same-sex military spouse, Jasmine Pollard, was denied in-state tuition at Fayetteville State University even though there was a federal military waiver of out-of-state tuition. In June, the University of North Carolina system made the decision to follow federal law and grant in-state tuition to same-sex military spouses. June 06.06.14 The Guilford Green Foundation in Greensboro hired a new executive director, Brenna Ragghianti. 06.20.14 The Triangle YMCA in Chapel Hill was finally able to award employee and family health benefits to all families, regardless of sexual orientation. The U.S. Census Department and the Department of Commerce released findings that showed that the Carolinas were high in HIV/AIDS rates in the South. July 07.04.14 A National Gay Blood Drive was announced. Men who have sex with men in Durham and Winston-Salem participated by having someone donate on their behalf in protest of the nation’s ban on gay blood donors. Community members attended a mixer where plans were shared about exploring the formation of an LGBT center in Durham.

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Reflections continued from page 15 07.18.14 The Rowan-Salisbury School System gave its permission to Gay-Straight Alliance clubs to meet after school, lifting an eight-year ban against them. Neighboring East Tennessee’s Tri-Cities moved a step closer to creating a community center. It would be the third in the state, following Memphis and Nashville. August 08.01.14 El Cambio and GetEQUAL joined forces to create its You Are Not Alone float for the annual Independence Day parade in Yadkinville spreading diversity, inclusiveness and community building. Ryan Wilson, executive director of SC Equality, stepped down to take on the role of southern senior field organizer for the Human Rights Campaign. 08.15.14 North Carolina native the Rev. Carter Heyward, along with 10 other women, were recognized during a commemoration of their ordination to the Episcopal Church’s priesthood 40 years prior. 08.29.14 Local communities in Nags Head, Gastonia and Greensboro geared up for their upcoming Pride events in September,

bringing LGBT and allied community members together to spirit the cause during multi-day celebrations. Across the border, Pride festivities were also planned for Spartanburg. September 09.12.14 Myers Park Baptist Church announced that they would hold inclusive programming during its church services welcoming as its guest gay minister the Rev. Cody J. Sanders. A lawsuit was filed against the Division of Motor Vehicles in Anderson when they disallowed gender non-conforming Chase Culpepper from getting his license when he appeared dressed in girl’s clothing and makeup. 09.26.14 Winston-Salem tapped its heels together and worked toward bringing its Oz-themed Pride celebration in October. The Metropolitan Community Church Winston-Salem reached a milestone when it marked its 20th anniversary. October 10.10.14 The LGBTQ Center of Durham launched a formal fundraising campaign to help bring the organization closer to establishing a brick-andmortar facility. Liss LaFleur, a Davidson College instructor, showcased her MUM storytelling project that gathered LGBT and queer high school love stories utilizing the flowering mum as a backdrop to homecoming memories. 10.24.14 Davidson College established its first

LGBTQ Resource Library & Lounge with an open house to mark the occasion. November 11.07.14 Equality North Carolina Foundation announced its keynote speaker for its gala would be former NFL star Wade Davis who champions the You Can Play Project. The initiative helps to tackle discrimination in all sports. A new logo, unveiled for the LGBTQ Center of Durham during NC Pride in September, was used on T-shirts and other clothing items to kickstart the first capital campaign. 11.21.14 Veterans were honored at a special tribute at the LGBT Center of Raleigh. A national VA representative, Jerome Sebesta, was on hand to share information on programs for LGBT veterans. The AIDS Memorial Quilt was on display in Asheville and panels were presented from Western North Carolina AIDS Project. December 12.05.14 Durham resident Henry Amador was named as a member of the Family Equality Council’s Southern Advisory Council. Ashley Broadway was chosen at president of the American Military Partner Association. She is the spouse of Ft. Bragg-based Army officer Heather Mack. Latta, S.C., passed a law protecting LGBT people against discrimination two months after the town swore in lesbian Crystal Moore as police chief. Moore had previously been fired by Mayor Earl Bullard because of her sexuality. : :

hey! what’s happening? We want your news and event notices today. Be sure to send them to editor@goqnotes.com. Thank you!

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Top Stories continued from page 14 ated with the anti-LGBT National Organization for Marriage to continue defending the state. They’ve appealed to both the Fourth Circuit and the U.S. Supreme Court. For a full archive of all our marriage equality coverage this year, visit goqnotes.com/to/ marriagenc/. Elections leave LGBTs voiceless There’s been a lot of debate and discussion in this year’s midterm elections. The results were stunning, though perhaps not surprising. Republicans retook the U.S. Senate, including North Carolina Democrat Kay Hagan getting tossed out in favor of Republican Thom Tillis, who will join Republican Richard Burr in representing the state. Republicans also maintained their control in the North Carolina House and Senate. In just a few weeks, the legislature will again meet in Raleigh. When it does, it’ll be the first time in a decade that either two of the chambers will have zero openly gay or lesbian representation. That’s due to openly gay candidates’ defeat in elections this year. First, primary elections in the spring cast off several openly gay candidates vying for opportunities to sit in Raleigh, including Charlotte candidate Ty Turner, a Democrat in the Senate District 49 primary. Another opportunity to send openly gay representation to Raleigh failed when Mecklenburg County Democrats opted to skip over openly gay Plaza Midwood business-

man Billy Maddalon, who served briefly as a Charlotte City Council member in 2013, and instead appoint Jeff Jackson to Charlotte Mayor Dan Clodfelter’s old Senate seat. The legislative seat had been left vacant when Clodfelter was appointed mayor after Patrick Cannon’s embarrassing federal corruptions charges (he’s since been convicted and is now serving time in a West Virginia prison). For his part, state Sen. Jeff Jackson has been an outspoken LGBT ally, appearing at several LGBT events and working on LGBT issues and causes. See all of our Election 2014 coverage from this year at goqnotes.com/in/election-2014/. A community in flux Locally, Charlotte’s LGBT community saw a great deal of turmoil and change. Primarily, debates and discussions continued to swirl around the LGBT Community Center of Charlotte. Visit our online year-in-review features at goqnotes. com/2014review/ for a special online-only look back at the center’s challenging year and see an archive of all past center coverage at goqnotes. com/in/lgbtcentercharlotte/. Popular stories In many respects, it was you — the reader — who helped determine the top stories this year. The overwhelming majority of our top 50 most-visited pieces of content online dealt with issues surrounding marriage equality. But there were other important stories and commentaries readers found enjoyable or important, too. Here’s a quick review of some of the other most important stories and issues represented in our top 50 this year. Violence in the community: Two instances

of violence directed toward members of our community took on increased interest from readers. In August, longtime gay bar owner and philanthropist Greg Brafford, owner of the Woodshed Lounge, was shot multiple times in an attempted robbery outside his home (goqnotes.com/in/greg-brafford/). His wounds were serious, but not life threatening and he’s made a positive recovery, including recently being seen visiting the staff and clients at House of Mercy. Later, in November, a gay veteran sadly lost his life after a brutal assault in Greensboro (goqnotes.com/32755/). The accused in that crime is facing murder charges. LGBT Faith: The intersections between LGBT life and faith attracted a great deal of attention this year. A commentary, originally written in 2012, on the presence of LGBT people in Southern Gospel music (goqnotes.com/18360/) continued to rack up readers online. In September, student Stephen Lovegrove penned a commentary, “The problem of privilege at Elevation Church” (goqnotes.com/31319/), calling the local Baptist megachurch to account for its LGBT exclusion. Concerns have long mounted over the church’s beliefs on LGBT people. A 2012 story on their outreach in local public schools (goqnotes.com/19794/) continued to rack up views this year. Transgender students take front and center: Nationally, transgender issues took on a more high-profile role in our movement. The impact was felt locally, too. In February, transgender East Mecklenburg High School senior Blake Brockington was crowned homecoming king, a first for his school and for CharlotteMecklenburg Schools (goqnotes.com/27350/ and goqnotes.com/27414/). Also in the spring,

news

Transgender student Andraya Williams helped lift up the profile of transgender rights issues in Charlotte.

Andraya Williams, a transgender student at Central Piedmont Community College, took on her school’s administration after an alleged incident of harassment on campus. Resulting protests, media coverage and community action brought to light the issues faced by transgender people in accessing public services and accommodations. (See all of our coverage of that incident at goqnotes.com/in/cpcc/.) Nightlife losses: In Charlotte, community members gave pause when several gay nightlife establishments shuttered their doors. The first was longtime lesbian bar, club and restaurant, Hartigan’s Irish Pub in March (goqnotes.com/28226/), followed the same week by Lake Wylie’s Rainbow In (goqnotes. com/28237/). Another club, Marigny, closed in May (goqnotes.com/29583/). : : more: Visit goqntoes.com/2014review/ for online-only year-in-review features.

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dishing with buff faye by Buff Faye :: qnotes contributor :: info@bufffaye.com

Happy holidays from the Genderbread Person It is Holi-DRAG time! The whole Queen City is buzzing. Jingle bells, Santa suits and lip-synching familiar songs of the season abound at your local drag hotspots. This month I wanted to give back in the spirit of the holiday by interviewing someone very special — “The Genderbread Person.” No, it’s not a real person and it’s not a pastry. It is a cartoon graphic, a learning tool about gender. Quite adorable looking, actually, and if it’s dessert time, you may be hungry for more. For purposes of this interview, “The Genderbread Person” uses the pronouns “they, them, their.” Over my years of teaching about LGBTQ issues, I find that most people think they understand gender. What they know, however, is often limited to their own perspective and, frankly, leaves much ignorance about gender non-conforming and trans people. At this point you may be thinking: “I thought this was a drag column. What does this have to do with drag queens?” Bah, Humbug to you! “The Genderbread Person” has everything to do with drag queens actually. I truly believe most LGB people, and most importantly, drag queens want to be allies to gender nonconforming and transgender people. Some drag queens live their lives as a transsexual and/or trans, gender noncon-

forming people. All the more reason that drag queens should know more about my “Genderbread” friend. One thing that is often assumed among LGBT people is that we all have an understanding of the complexity of gender and the differences between identity, expression, attraction and sex. Then for some, we either become lost or give up when we hear terms like “cisgender,” “binary,” “queer,” “intersex,” “agender” — insert identity here. Let me introduce you to “The Genderbread Person” with their big, friendly smile and a festive, golden brown complexion. Yes, I know it’s a cartoon, but (spoiler alert) so is Santa Claus. The Genderbread Person explains that “Gender is one of those things everyone thinks they understand, but don’t.” Gender identity, gender expression, biological sex and sexual orientation are independent factors that make up a person. The Genderbread Person looks me directly in the eye (winks) and begins sharing about how we look at oneself and gender, as follows: Biological Sex: Often the first place (and for those who don’t understand gender, the only place) we focus is with biological sex which the Genderbread Person points squarely below the belt referencing female, male, intersex and/ or asex physical traits that we are born with or have affirmation surgery to define. Gender Identity: The second part is who we believe we are as our holistic self in our brain. “Of course Genderbread Person has a brain,” they laugh, and so do all of us. Gender identity is impacted in the brain by your chemistry of the body and hormone levels. Individuals could be along a continuum of gender. You can conform to binary of man or woman — or you can identify as a gender nonconforming, nongendered person. As cisgender (non-transgender people), Genderbread Person shares how we may never contemplate feeling differently in our brain about our gender identity than what is identified with our biological sex. Sexual Attraction: Who we love and are attracted to is what the heart tells us. Genderbread shows us that people fall in love with people and identify again across a continuum — asexual, bisexual, homosexual,

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heterosexual, to name some of the identities of how people often identify their sexual attractions. Gender Expression: So all of us have drag whether you are a drag queen or not. How we present our gender is basically our expression of masculine, feminine, androgynous, butch — or what I call our drag. The Genderbread Person explains that expression is our “whole self” and how we demonstrate our gender. Typically, we do this through how we act, dress, mannerisms and interact with others, whether that be intentional or not. It can change daily and for drag queens with every show. Gender expression is interpreted based on traditional, often limited, societal gender norms. “The Genderbread Person” takes a deep sigh. Even for a cartoon graphic, that can be a lot to take in. For some, this may be new information, new language and terminology, or a new way to conceptualize the complexity of gender and understand the differences between gender identity, gender expression, biological sex and sexual orientation. Regardless, Genderbread Person reminds us that we all have something to learn. The best gift we can give this Holiday is to be an ally — especially to our trans family members. We have to be willing to ask questions, read something new, keep an open mind and heart — and believe that even a cartoon can teach us something. Of course, Genderbread Person is not without critics or controversy. No cartoon, including Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, can tell you the entire story or explain the complexity of human beings. There have been several versions of the Genderbread Person online. The most recent is the 2.0 version. Plus, there is growing debate on where Genderbread Person originated — Tumblr, Twitter, who knows, the North Pole? Eggnog and genderbread cookies for everyone — I mean gingerbread! : : — Buff Faye calls the Queen City her home and performs to fuck the binary (and raise money for charities). Find her at your favorite bars and hot spots. Plus, don’t forget her monthly Sunday drag brunch and regular Friday night party bus. Learn more at AllBuff.com. Follow on Twitter @BuffFaye

SHOUT OUTS: Don’t forget the 5 Year Anniversary at The Bar 316 on Saturday, Dec. 20 — Congratulations! Plus check out the Holiday Show at Scorpio on Christmas Eve with the legend Boom Boom LaTour and guests Luscious and Jessica Starr. Happy Ho, Ho, Ho!

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tell trinity by Trinity :: qnotes contributor :: trinity@telltrinity.com

When is the right time for sex with your new date? Dear Trinity, Is a few dates long enough to wait before having sex? Is the first date too soon? Is waiting for “the ring” too old fashion? What do you think? Waiting & Wondering, Hoboken, NJ

is part of your soul and if you’re going to eventually get laid anyway, then why not just let your date wait and yearn and work really hard to respect you, your body and your high self-worth!

Dear Waiting & Wondering, Every day I ask myself that same question, “When is the right time to start having sex?” Unfortunately, honey, every date has a different answer. Yes, the longer you wait the stronger your connection will be. And yes, the sooner you “do it” the quicker you’ll know if he or she is “it” (in the bedroom). Yet waiting still promises no guarantees. However, if your body is your temple, your heart (or intuition)

My Dear Trinity, I recently read your list of “Possible Fetishes,” but you never mentioned what you yourself thought of fetishes themselves? Fetish Quest, Omaha, NE My Dear Fetish Quest, Almost everyone on some level practices fetishism, including myself, be it with leather, lace, undies or body touches, tortures or types.

Some express their fetishisms to face deep down desires or fears, for adventure and excitement, because they “just feel it” and/or because they’re bored and need something to do. Now, darling, even though my youth was filled with wild activities, I never got into any, well, many fetishes, especially body tortures (unless you include trying on wedding gowns in small dressing rooms). As for my present fetish tastes… well I’ll be in charge of when you can ask that question (whip snapping sound)! (Things get heated up or simply drowned in the down pour when you refer to my cartoon for pointers.) Hey Trinity, On our fourth date he says, “I’m celibate, but not because of religious reasons.” Now, I feel like I was baited, hooked, caught and then left out to dry. What should I do? Celibate Snapper, Albuquerque, NM Hey Celibate Snapper, Only the foruth date! Well…maybe you were left out to dry, but definitely not to fry! Even a lobster could bounce back from that! Listen, sweetie, when someone not religious says, ”I’m celibate” or “abstaining from sex,” then my guess is he’s actually politely abstaining from saying, “I’m not sexually interested in you. But whether it’s true or not, take a deep breath and start swimming happily away. This is clearly just a small rock in life’s great river of ebbs and flows! Hello Trinity, After two years together we just couldn’t make it work. It is over now and we have moved apart. However, I can’t quite get past all the memories and feelings and the loss. How can I move on? Moving Somewhere, New Hope, PA Hello Moving Somewhere, If it’s any consolation, even all of us Democrats have to deal with moving on after this last election. Now, pumpkin, before you do anything “Sid and Nancy Vicious” try reading:

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Trinity’s Reaffirming Tips For Moving On After A Break Up 1. Clean house by putting away all wedding or commitment gifts and memorabilia. 2. Get back on the horse of dating. Don’t waste time festering meaningless fears. 3. Go away on a fabulous vacation with an old fabulous friend! 4. Re-empower yourself with good, healthy, fun thoughts! 5. E rase his or her voice off of that damn voice message! 6. Change any negative thought patterns. You have the power to simply and quickly change your thoughts. Change “I wish” to “I will!” 7. R e-route all of his or her mail (except the Vanity Fair subscription). 8. Get support from friends, family and, sometimes, even a professional counselor. 9. Sell off any investments you both share and become legally liberated. 10. Lastly, fighting depression means dieting, exercising, sleeping and eating a piece of dark chocolate everyday! : : info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

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C A L E N DA R

DECEMBER 2014 - JANUARY 2015 To see more upcoming events, visit goqnotes.com/calendar/ Submit your event at goqnotes.com/eventsubmit/

North Star Open House North Star LGBT Community Center 704 Brookstown Ave., Winston-Salem 1-5 p.m. The center hosts a holiday open house with refreshments, music and more. northstarlgbtcc.com

SEP DEC

–––––––––––––––––––– Spades and Dominoes McColl Center for Art + Innovation 721 N. Tryon St., Charlotte 7 p.m. Charlotte Black Gay Pride presents a spades and dominoes tournament. Single players admission is $10, with teams of two at $20 (online purchase only). Spectators admission is $2, at the door only. More information and ticket purchases available online. charlotteblackgaypride.com

Christmas Spirit SEP DEC Metropolitan Community Church Winston-Salem 4105 Patsy Dr., WinstonSalem 7 p.m. The church presents a concert, “The Christmas Spirit,” with musical talent from across the Triad, including classical and popular carols. mccws.org

Christmas Day SEP DEC Happy Holidays from the staff at qnotes! Peace & Joy! In need of company on this special day? Visit the LGBT Center of Raleigh, 234 S. Harrington St., 12 p.m., for a holiday open house with treats and fellowship. lgbtcenterofraleigh.org

Christmas Feast and SEP DEC Fellowship Sacred Souls Community Church 2127 Eastway Dr., Charlotte 11 a.m. A special service to “remember the true reason for the season,” featuring a guest speaker followed by a fellowship after the service.

Present Swap Party SEP DEC Cathode Azure 1820 South Blvd., Suite 106, Charlotte 8 p.m. Bring your friends and family, and all those pesky gifts you got but never wanted. Swap them for something better! cathodeazure.com

Turn Back Time The Bar at 316 316 Rensselaer Ave., Charlotte 9 p.m. A “Cherity” benefit raising funds for Campus Pride, with 12 drag personalities taking on their best Cher impersonation and spanning six decades of her music. campuspride.org Watch Night SEP DEC Sacred Souls Community Church 2127 Eastway Dr., Charlotte 9 p.m. Sacred Souls hosts a night of high praise and worship featuring various musical groups and sermon by Bishop Tonyia Rawls for a prosperous New Year.

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Community Forum, Part 3 Levine Museum of the New South 200 E. Seventh St., Charlotte 1-3 p.m. The last of a three-part community conversations series. This event will be a working town hall where small groups of community members will be workshopping various issues and the entire group will create a plan of action for how to move the community forward. All are welcome to attend!

SEP JAN

01 10

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Submit your event to our calendar!

SEP JAN

New Year’s Day Time to dust off those old and new resolutions and get in gear for a terrific gay ole’ year!

SEP JAN

Bear Coffee Nova’s Bakery 1515 South Blvd., Charlotte 6:30-10:30 p.m.

Reconciling United SEP JAN Methodists Amity United Methodist Church 825 N. Estes Dr., Chapel Hill 7 p.m. Quarterly meeting for Reconciling United Methodists. The group will make plans for its upcoming annual conference in June. rum-nc.org

Statewide Community Centers LGBT Community Center of Charlotte lgbtcharlotte.org

LGBT Center of Raleigh lgbtcenterofraleigh.com North Star LGBT Community Center northstarlgbtcc.com The guys get together for their first bear coffee night of the new year.

LGBTQ Center of Durham lgbtqcenterofdurham.org

You can submit your event to our comprehensive community calendar presented by qnotes, the LGBT Community Center of Charlotte and Visit Gay Charlotte. Submit your event at goqnotes.com/eventsubmit/ and get a three-for-one entry. All Charlotte-area events will appear on each of the three calendars at qnotes (goqnotes. com), the LGBT Center (lgbtcharlotte.org) and Visit Gay Charlotte (visitgaycharlotte.com).

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Burford continued from page 12

And younger people, too, are learning. “If they did this in 1991 or in 1980, why aren’t we doing this now?” Burford says he’s heard young people say. “It’s like a bookend sense of what’s possible and this meeting in the middle,” he says. At the most, Burford takes credit only for providing the space for conversation and community, not any initial spark that might have acted as its catalyst. “It would imply that I had a plan when I moved here, to say that I was instigating things,” he says. “I didn’t. It’s just kind of what I do. This is how I live my life. “Maybe what people needed was a rallying cry. The people I have a relationship with in Charlotte — personally, professionally and politically — those people existed in Charlotte well before I moved here,” he says. “Maybe I’ve just given people an excuse to congregate. That’s what we wanted to do with this exhibit anyway. We wanted to pull people from the community in here and say, ‘You belong in all of this. Not just the physical space, but also in all of this history.’”

urford’s impact in the community has been felt at his day job, too. At UNC-Charlotte, he works in the Multicultural Resource Center as its assistant director for sexual and gender diversity. Burford says the campus has had a “big year,” working to create a fully transgender inclusive and affirmative non-discrimination policy, building gender-neutral bathrooms in each building on campus and expanding LGBT studies courses. “My everyday job never changed,” he says. “I’m teaching and working on policy and we’re building bathrooms. I’m working with students who come into my office. I just had a meeting today, in fact. The email I got, the student said, ‘I need to see you. I think I might be gay,’ so I spent today talking to that kid. All of that stuff is kind of happening at the same time.” It’s on campus where Burford says he’s reminded just how far the community still must travel before it can claim full victory on equality and liberation. “What’s interesting to me is that I’ve been doing this now for almost 20 years,” he says. “The problems I remember working on in my late 20s when I was doing grassroots activism stuff, the things I remember working on in my

very first student affairs job almost 10 years ago, I’m still working on the same stuff now.” The community’s increased visibility has been important, but he cautions: “We never really addressed the small stuff. We went big and forgot the little. Things are better. I’d be lying if I said they weren’t better. But better isn’t finished. I think sometimes people think better is finished.” Burford wants the community — in Charlotte, regionally, nationally — to address a wider range of issues: racism, internalized homophobia, transgender inclusion and more. They are issues, he says, people aren’t hearing or talking about nearly enough. It’s one of the reasons why, this fall, he and others came together to present a series of community conversations and panels. “I got tired of hearing people say no one was listening to them,” he says. “So, we are going to give people a chance to be heard and from that I hope we can build a plan. I think we need to work from a plan.” That plan, Burford says, means collectively moving forward: “There’s enough people in this community, enough voices, enough talent and enough money for us to come together and come up with an idea of how we’d like to move forward,” he says. “It’s a shame in a town with this much influence and money and structure that we’re watching our infrastructure fall apart. It’s sad. It’s scary. I want us to do better.” Talk to Burford for just a few minutes and his passion for grassroots change becomes easily apparent. So does his passion for history. He’ll tell you that exploring history is empowering, that it is the “anecdote” to our community’s two largest challenges — isolation and invisibility. Burford’s leadership on these issues has been recognized once already this year. Readers who participated in this newspaper’s annual QList - Best of LGBT Charlotte voted him “Best LGBT Leader.” But that distinction doesn’t adequately qualify the level to which Burford’s accomplishments — despite his short time in Charlotte — have helped to transform local community conversations, priorities and history. And it’s all this work and commitment — at the archive, on his campus and everywhere in between — upon which qnotes is proud to name Joshua Burford our 2014 Person of the Year. : :

Dec. 19 . 2014 - Jan. 1 2015

qnotes

Dec. 19 . 2014 - Jan. 1 . 2015