QNotes, December 27, 2019

Dec. 27, 2019-Jan. 9, 202

qnotes

1

2

qnotes

Dec. 27, 2019-Jan. 9, 2020

inside this issue

Dec. 27, 2019-Jan. 9, 2020 Vol 34 No 18

connect

feature

goqnotes.com

contributors this issue

12

Kode Brown, Jack Kirven, Lainey Millen, David Aaron Moore, Chris Rudisill, Terri Schlichenmeyer, Patra Sinner, Trinity

front page

Graphic Design by Chris Rudisill Photography: Garrett Michael of the Charlotte Royals courtesy Chuck Edge Photography Mission:

The focus of QNotes is to serve the LGBTQ and straight ally communities of the Charlotte region, North Carolina and beyond, by featuring arts, entertainment, news and views content in print and online that directly enlightens, informs and engages the readers about LGBTQ life and social justice issues.

Pride Publishing & Typesetting, Inc., dba QNotes P.O. Box 221841, Charlotte, NC 28222 ph 704.531.9988 fx 704.531.1361 Publisher: Jim Yarbrough Sales: x201 adsales@goqnotes.com Nat’l Sales: Rivendell Media, ph 212.242.6863 Managing Editor: Jim Yarbrough, x201, editor@goqnotes.com Assoc. Editor: Lainey Millen, specialassignments@goqnotes.com Copy Editor: Maria Dominguez Production: Lainey Millen, x205, production@goqnotes.com Printed on recycled paper.

Material in qnotes is copyrighted by Pride Publishing & Typesetting © 2019 and may not be reproduced in any manner without written consent of the editor or publisher.

Advertisers assume full responsibility — and therefore, all liability — for securing reprint permission for copyrighted text, photographs and illustrations or trademarks published in their ads. The sexual orientation of advertisers, photographers, writers, cartoonists we publish is neither inferred nor implied. The appearance of names or photographs does not indicate the subject’s sexual orientation. qnotes nor its publisher assumes liability for typographical error or omission, beyond offering to run a correction. Official editorial positions are expressed in staff editorials and editorial notations and are determined by editorial staff.

The opinions of contributing writers and guest columnists do not necessarily represent the opinions of qnotes or its staff. qnotes accepts unsolicited editorial, but cannot take responsibility for its return. Editor reserves the right to accept and reject material as well as edit for clarity, brevity.

charlotteobserver.com/1166/ a local news partner of The Charlotte Observer

In Memoriam 2019: Friends and Family We Lost

2019 Organization of the Year: Charlotte Royals Pride in Rugby

During the past year, the world has seen the loss of a number of wellknown LGBTQ individuals and allies on a global level. Here in the Carolinas, we’ve also had losses that have touched us more personally, as well.

news 5 LGBTQ Protections

Intensify Under Trump Administration 5 Updated Athletic Index Shows Progress,

Inclusivity Opportunities 5 News Briefs

a&e 17 19

Tell Trinity Out in Print: ‘Me’

life 6 9

15

2019 Year in Review In Memoriam 2019: Friends & Family We Lost Health & Wellness: Fish Oil Supplements

views 4

14

Op-Ed: Why So Much Hate?

Legal Eagles: Transgender Children in Custody Battles

events 18 18

Face 2 Face Tribute ‘Proper Pronouns’

PAGE 9

Health & Wellness: Fish Oil Supplements

Some things are good for you and some are not. Read this article to see how fish oil supplements play into one’s health and if they are a help or a hindrence for those who comsume this popular item.

PAGE 15

SUBSCRIBE!

twitter.com/qnotescarolinas facebook.com/qnotescarolinas

These rates only cover a portion of our true cost, however, our goal is to serve our community Mailed 1st class from Charlotte, NC, in sealed envelope.

Subscription Rates:

☐ 1 yr - 26 issues = $48 ☐ 1/2 yr - 13 issues = $34

Mail to: P.O. Box 221841, Charlotte, NC 28222

______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ name:

______________________________________________________ address:

state: zip: ______________________________________________________ city:

☐ mastercard ☐ visa ☐ discover ☐ american express ______________________________________________________ credit card – check one:

card #: exp. date: ______________________________________________________ signature:

Dec. 27, 2019-Jan. 9, 202

qnotes

3

views

Why so much hate?

An Op-Ed

BY Stan Kimer | CONTRIBUTING WRITER [This op ed contains links to several of my “controversial” blogs over the years.]

A

s we near the end of the year after which we have celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas, continue to do so with Hanukkah and Kwanzaa and await New Year’s … all these days of “good will,” I want to stop and explore a most disturbing phenomenon. Why is there still so much hate when we live in one of the most prosperous nations in the world? And what is strange is the hate is most frequently not coming from those who have little and are oppressed, but from those who are blessed.

I will share some examples from my blogging and then one story from local high schools.

For the past nine years, I have published two or three blogs each month about my consulting areas of expertise of diversity, leadership and career development. I often write short summaries of the blogs to post on Facebook and spend a little money to push them out to people who have shown interest in these various topics. Most of the time, on my non-controversial items to do with career development and general leadership, I may get one or two comments. But when I write on certain diversity topics, my Facebook feed explodes with hate.

For example: • My blog about Islamophobia in the United States.

I received dozens of comments about how all Muslims

4

qnotes

Dec. 27, 2019-Jan. 9, 2020

are terrorists, how they have come to this country to take over the American way of life, etc. One guy even sent me a photo of a terrorist holding the severed head of a baby asserting that Muslims want to do this to all Euro-Anglo children. (See bit.ly/2Q69gCC for the longer post.)

• Writing about treating LGBTQ people with respect and equality.

One angry man wrote that faggots deserved to be fired from their jobs and that they are going to burn in hell. One woman wrote that this “crap” should stay out of the workplace and schools (as if people should hide and deny who they are in everyday life?) and accused gay people of seeking special rights (See qnotes recent post on this subject at goqnotes.com/64506). And when I tried to politely share some facts with her, she accused me of harassing her and reported me to Facebook!

• And even when I write about ongoing systemic racism in our country.

Yes, things have improved, but we still have issues to address and healing that needs to happen. People wrote about blacks getting all the privileges now in the world and that whites are the ones discriminated against (have these people experienced what it is like to be black and maneuver daily in a world controlled by white people?) And, of course, they posted the stereotypes of black criminals and welfare mothers.

Writing about respect for Muslims, LGBTQ people and about addressing racism did indeed raise a lot of ire, but then I was shocked when I wrote a blog titled, “Five Lessons for our Country from the World Champion Soccer Team and Megan Rapinoe.” I thought it was an

upbeat blog with some positive messages that would resonate with everyone, but then people commented that Ms. Rapinoe hated America, had desecrated our flag (fake news), etc. Can’t people at least try to focus on the positive messages?

It is so sad that we even see racism rear its ugly head among school children.

And even more sad is that some of this hate is even permeating our youth. There have been articles on this very subject featured in the Raleigh News & Observer as well as ones in the national press such as the one in New York’s Daily News entitled “NC Students talk on racist chat about killing black babies.” It detailed how students at two local high schools engaged in an online chat using racial slurs, and advocating bringing back slavery and shooting black babies. So sad and so sickening.

I am puzzled on why people engage in hate. What are they afraid of? Do they think that Muslims, gays and blacks are going to steal their pie and that there will be less for them to eat? Or do they have such low self worth that the only way they can validate themselves is by putting other people down? See my post at bit.ly/2rVvEH8 on diversity and inclusion for more on this subject.

Raising up others and being kind to all people will build a better society. We will all be more positive, productive and happy. My grandmother once said, “If you don’t have something good to say about someone, it is best to say nothing.”

Peace and love to all my readers. Let’s be civil and kind to each other and contribute to a better society where our diversity makes us all stronger. : :

BRIEFS

news LGBTQ protections intensify under Trump administration NEW YORK, N.Y. — Lambda Legal released the third edition of their annual report of judicial nominees revealing the extent to which the Trump-Pence administration, with the help of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, has filled the federal judiciary with an “unprecedented number of unqualified, extremist judges whose records reveal deep hostility for the rights of LGBT people, women, immigrants and other vulnerable populations,” the organization said.

The 2019 report entitled “Trump’s Judicial Assault on LGBT Protections: After Three Years of Trump Nominees, Bias and Bigotry Remain the Norm” found that the overall story remains the same: over 1 in 3 of Trump’s circuit court nominees have a demonstrated history of anti-LGBTQ bias.

“The damage that is being done to our federal judiciary may be this administration’s most lasting and dangerous legacy,” said Kevin Jennings, CEO of Lambda Legal.

“Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and his Republican colleagues have commandeered the federal judiciary in service of a dangerous agenda that seeks to deny LGBT people and other vulnerable groups the promise of ‘equal justice under law.’ After three years of sustained attack on the integrity of our federal courts, our system of justice is now indisputably in a state of crisis,” added Jennings.

The report highlights the appointments of a large number of ideologically-driven nominees who have expressed hostility towards LGBTQ protections, including Second Circuit Court of Appeals Judge Steven Menashi, who denigrated Obergefell v. Hodges, the Supreme Court’s marriage equality decision and who disparaged efforts to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”

Likewise, the report describes the record of Lawrence VanDyke, recently confirmed to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit, who claimed that “marriage equality harms children and society” — a position he has repeatedly refused to disavow. The American Bar Association rated VanDyke as “Not Qualified” in part due to concerns raised by 60 of VanDyke’s peers about his willingness to administer fair and impartial justice to LGBTQ litigants.

The report shows the “unprecedented” pace at which the Trump-Pence administration has been able to pack the courts with a large number of ultraconservative white men — almost all of whom are affiliated with the Federalist Society, Lambda Legal stated. Notably, 8 of the country’s 12 circuit courts are now made up of 25 percent or more of Trump-nominated judges.

As a result of the accelerated pace at which the Senate has confirmed these nominees, three circuit courts of appeals have “flipped” this year from a majority of judges appointed by Democratic presidents to a majority of judges appointed by Republican presidents.

“This is a fast-moving train wreck that — unless something is done now — could undermine civil rights protections for the next 40 years,” said Sasha Buchert, senior attorney at Lambda Legal. “An entire generation of LGBTQ people seeking their day in court could be facing judges who have made no secret about their hostility to the rights of LGBT people, women and immigrants. Indeed, many of them were nominated because of their hostility towards LGBT people, women and immigrants.”

The impact of these nominees is not hypothetical: for example, earlier this year, a Trump-nominated judge, U.S. Court of Appeals Judge James Ho, wrote an opinion denying an incarcerated transgender woman medically necessary health care in which he refers to the litigant by the wrong pronoun throughout in a shameful display of disrespect for her identity.

As the report concludes: “The federal judiciary must remain an impartial institution that administers equal justice for all. The United States Senate — Democrats and Republicans alike — owe it to the American people to be more than just a rubber stamp for every nominee that the Trump Administration puts forward for consideration. The Constitution’s language about advice and consent is not just a suggestion, but rather a constitutional obligation, particularly during this tenuous time in our nation’s history. Otherwise, the damage done to our constitutional democracy will be felt for many decades to come, and may be devastating to those who care about LGBT equality.“ The full report is available online at bit.ly/2SiKL8g. info: lambdalegal.org.

— compiled by Lainey Millen

Updated athletic index shows progress, inclusivity opportunities NEW YORK, N.Y. — Athlete Ally released their updated version of the 2017 Athletic Equality Index (AEI), a first-of-its-kind ranking and reporting of the LGBTQ inclusiveness of all 65 member institutions of the NCAA’s Power 5 conferences. New data looks at how schools are best meeting, or failing to meet, the needs of LGBTQ studentathletes, fans, coaches, staff and administrators in 2019.

LGBTQ athletes are twice as likely to drop out of sports as their straight, cisgender peers, and LGBTQ students are nine times less likely to have complaints of homophobia or transphobia addressed under the Trump administration. Universities have an opportunity to provide LGBTQ student-athletes with a space in which they can thrive, and the AEI gives them a blueprint for how best to achieve this.

As a result of the 2017 AEI, more than 25 schools adopted inclusion policies, and the number of schools with transgender-inclusive athletic policies quadrupled.

“It’s hard for trans athletes to know in advance exactly what kind of experience they’ll have at their school, which can make the college selection process even more stressful,” said University of Montana’s June Eastwood, the first transgender NCAA Division I Cross Country runner. “Through the AEI, students can see if the schools they’re considering have the policies and resources in place to make them feel welcomed for who they are.” The Pac-12 is again the conference with the highest average score (83.5) with Big 10 just .2 behind (83.3), and the SEC is the lowest with an average of 65.6. The number of schools with a perfect score has tripled, with Duke University, the University of Miami (ACC); Ohio State University, the University of Indiana, the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign (Big 10); the University of Texas at Austin (Big 12); the University of California, Berkeley and the University of Southern California (Pac 12) leading the way forward.

The major change in this iteration of the AEI is the measure of cross-campus partnerships and of LGBTQ events. While in 2017 schools were awarded full points for making collaborations possible between athletic departments and campus LGBTQ groups, this iteration looked at whether those collaborations actually occurred. This version also looks at LGBTQ events hosted within the past year, not just if an event had ever occurred.

“The AEI paints a picture of the kind of environment LGBTQ student-athletes, fans, coaches, staff and administrators face in 2019,” said Hudson Taylor, founder and executive director of Athlete Ally. “It’s our hope that through this data, we can showcase best practices, highlight areas of improvement, and work to make athletic spaces more welcoming and inclusive for all.”

The report is available online at bit.ly/35QQ0Ql. info: athleteally.org.

— compiled by Lainey Millen

Son sports rainbow flag at inauguration

The newly-installed Argentine President Alberto Fernández’s drag queen son wore a rainbow-colored handkerchief to his dad’s inauguration, Queerty reported.

It was revealed that the accessory was actually a folded up rainbow flag.

Estanislao Fernández performs as Dyhzy and specializes in cosplay-style drag. His father is overwhelmingly supportive of his son’s activism and shared that he was proud of him.

info: bit.ly/35NWRKj.

‘Project Runway’ alum to join youth event

OUTright Youth has announced that “Project Runway” alumni Austin Scarlett will be its featured guest at its 10th Annual Signature Event being held on March 28. The evening’s program will feature a fashion show with the organization’s youth.

info: outrightyouthcv.org.

Barber called out by N.C. pastor

The Christian Post reported that Bishop Patrick Wooden Sr. called out Rev. William J. Barber, II for his hosting of Mayor Pete Buttigieg in early December and “for arguing that Jesus didn’t speak out against homosexuality.” The conservative Wooden is founder of the Upper Room Church of God in Christ in Raleigh, N.C. and countered what Barber said.

info: bit.ly/2tIuJdA.

Senior housing opens in N.Y.

Stonewall House has opened its doors and is the first in New York City to offer affordable LGBTQ-friendly housing for seniors. Its location is in the Fort Greene neighborhood in Brooklyn.

info: bit.ly/36ZOHP9.

Gay Games bids open

The Federation of Gay Games announced the bidding process to host the 2026 Gay Games XII has begun. Those cities interested in being selected should contact fggbids@gaygames.net for more information. The deadline for submitting an Official FGG Request for Information document is Feb. 21, 2020.

info: gaygames.org.

Trans athlete gets Olympic trial spot

Transgender athlete Chris Mosier has won a slot in the Olympic Trials for Team USA and will compete in race walking, OutSports reported. The event is the Men’s 50K Race Walk Championship being held in January in California.

info: bit.ly/35U1kvi.

Expo seeks sponsors, exhibitors

The PrideLife Expo will be held on April 4, 2020 and has opened up its application process for exhibitors as well as sponsors for the first-ever event. It is being held as a partnership between the RBPN, Raleigh’s LGBT Chamber of Commerce and the LGBT Center of Raleigh’s SAGE program.

info: pridelifeexpo.org. pridelifeexpo.org/ sponsors.

Navy honors Milk with ship naming

The U.S. Navy has commissioned a new ship to honor the memory of Harvey Milk, CNN reported. This comes six decades after he was ousted out of the service due to his sexual orientation.

info: cnn.it/35NZsUJ.

Dec. 27, 2019-Jan. 9, 202

qnotes

5

life

2019:News The Year In Review and Stories from Across the Nation

BY David Aaron Moore | QNotes CONTRIBUTING WRITER

U

The Federal Office of Personnel nlike last year, LGBTQ issues did Management has removed guidance writnot figure as prominently in the news ten for federal agency managers on how media. to support transgender federal employees But don’t be fooled. completely from policy and documentation, Donald Trump and his administration claiming it never prohibited discrimination have been hard at work, gutting nearly every based on gender identity. protection put in place by former President The Department of Justice has allowed Barack Obama. all executive branches to interpret religious While some in the media have claimed liberty protections in such a way that give Trump has been relatively pro-LGBTQ based broad exemptions to federal anti-discrimion statements he has made, that simply isn’t nation laws, allowing direct discrimination true. against individuals, not only for gender Some LGBTQ voters were swayed by this identity, but sexual orientation, as well. particular statement during his presidential Under the Obama administration campaign: “As your president I will do evcompanies contracted by the government erything in my power to protect our LGBTQ were required to comply with federal noncitizens from the violence and oppression of discrimination rules that covered employa hateful foreign ideology.”

Transgender military personnel have been the target of extreme bias when it comes to their ment non-discrimination toward the LGBTQ Read that again, if necessary. service to country, especially within the Trump administration policy making. This treatment has community. Under the current administraHe wasn’t referring to violence, oppreseven extended to the entire LGBTQ community in other aspects of day-to-day life. tion, companies and business owners are sion and discrimination by other Americans (Photo Credit: Bumble Dee via Adobe Stock) now exempt if it conflicts with their religious in our own country. He was throwing “the beliefs. gays” a bone while simultaneously offering At the Department of Labor, all refera wink and a nod to his Evangelical support military, and Trump’s ban has been denounced by former ences to workplace rights and resources for LGBTQ embase by demonizing all Muslims. military leaders, members of Congress from both parties ployees have been removed from their website.

This year he finally accomplished implementation of and the American Medical Association. Currently, there The Department of Education is no longer investigathis irrational transgender military ban. are no figures on how many transgender service members ing or taking action on complaints filed by transgender At press time, Trump had been impeached by Congress, have been discharged so far. students who have been barred from restrooms or other though the articles had yet to be served to the Senate.

“The start of this looming purge represents an unprecfacilities that match their gender identity.

As we take a look back at 2019, we’ll start with the transedented step backward in the social and civil progress The Department of Agriculture no longer allows the gender military ban and then examine what his continued of our country and our military,” said Harper Jean Tobin, national 4-H youth program to offer guidance for welcomanti-LGBTQ efforts have culminated in as of this year. director of policy for the National Center for Transgender ing and protecting LGBTQ members.

Equality. “Throughout our nation’s history, we have seen The Health and Human Services Office for Civil arbitrary barriers in our military replaced with inclusion Rights has opened the Conscience and Religious and equal standards. This is the first time in American Freedom Division, in an attempt to shift emphasis from history such a step forward has been reversed, and it is a While Trump first announced his desire to enact a ban protection of equal access for patients, to protection of persevere blow to the military and to the nation’s values.” on transgender individuals in July of 2017, his efforts were sonally-held religious beliefs for private healthcare providers. initially stymied by various lower courts.

Housing and Urban Development, or HUD as it is

By April 12 of this year, however, the Trump administramore commonly known, has removed all training and tion finally achieved their goal and instructed the Armed guidance directives for employees from its website that Services to begin discharging transgender service members. reference LGBTQ people.

According to the administration’s policy, any of the thouDuring the Obama administration, the Department of Although this list is not entirely inclusive of all Trump sands of current transgender service members who come out, Justice interpreted the Civil Rights Act of 1964 in such a way administration activities against the LGBTQ community, it or are found out after April 12 and are not willing to renounce that made discrimination based on gender identity illegal. does include much of their efforts. and suppress their identity, discharge is a distinct possibility.

With Trump at the helm things have changed — not A final and significantly important note is the Trump Although several hundred service members who have just for the transgender community — but for lesbians administration’s continuing refusal to acknowledge the previously transitioned will be “exempt,” they will serve unand gays, as well.

Equality Act. Although the bill passed the House, Sen. Mitch der a cloud of suspicion and likely never be able to return In case you’ve been overloaded with Trump tweets McConnell has refused to take it up for a vote by the Senate. if they leave the military for any length of time. and tall tales from this administration, here is the 2019 If passed, the bill would specifically prohibit all discriminaAfter years of research and consideration by the culmination of Trump’s time spent in the White House tion on the basis of gender identity and sexual orientation.

Pentagon and Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter, transand the negative impact on LGBTQ folks, despite his gender people were officially allowed into the military purported campaign promises to provide protections for in 2016. Close to 15,000 transgender troops serve in the our community. see next page u

Transgender Military Ban

Trump’s Overall Impact on the LGBTQ Community

6

qnotes

Dec. 27, 2019-Jan. 9, 2020

and state courts have affirmed that view, ruling that existing federal laws protect transgender people from discrimination.

Donald Zarda was fired from his job after a client learned he was gay, and the Second Circuit Court of Appeals This year has seen a record-breaking murders of transgender women. ruled that his (Photo Credit: Victoriia Kulish via Adobe Stock) firing was a form of sex discrimination that violates Title VII of the Civil Rights Act. The Seventh Circuit has also ruled that The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) firing someone because of their sexual recently released a report entitled: “A orientation is a form of sex discriminaNational Epidemic: Fatal Anti-Transgender tion, as has the federal Equal Employment Violence in the United States” in 2019 (bit.

Opportunity Commission, which investily/2MlsMKo). gates charges of workplace discrimination The report examines 22 transgender nationwide. individuals and gender non-conforming Zarda died in an accident in 2014. individuals killed in 2019 and details the His surviving partner, Bill Moore, and contributing factors that lead to their his sister, Melissa Zarda, have continued deaths. the lawsuit on behalf of the estate. The “Transgender women of color are livAmerican Civil Liberties Union repreing in crisis, especially black transgender sents the estate as co-counsel with Greg women,” said HRC President Alphonso Antollino of Antollino PLLC and with Pam David. “While the details of the cases Karlan and Jeff Fisher of the Stanford Law documented in this report differ, the toxic School Supreme Court Litigation Clinic. intersection of racism, sexism, transphobia This is a key judicial test of the and easy access to guns conspire to deny Department of Justice’s efforts to deny so many members of the transgender LGBTQ people protection from sex disand gender non-conforming community crimination. Should the Supreme Court access to housing, employment and other overturn the lower courts’ rulings, it necessities to survive and thrive. Every one would take away existing protections from of these lives cut tragically short reinforces lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender the urgent need for action on all fronts to employees, saying that it is lawful under end this epidemic — from lawmakers and federal law to fire LGBTQ people for their law enforcement, to the media and our gender identity or sexual orientation. communities.”

“These cases will have a profound In addition to the 22 aforementioned effect on the lives of millions of people,” individuals, the report also profiles two said David Cole, legal director of the ACLU, other cases of transgender women, Johana who argued the case on behalf of Aimee “Joa” Medina and Layleen Polanco, whose Stephens. “The LGBTQ community has deaths remain under investigation. Both won hard-fought protections in courts were likely impacted by circumstances before, and we are hoping the justices will fostered by hate, indifference and dehunot turn back the clock on equality and manization. justice. No one should be fired because of Medina, 25, died at a hospital in who they are.”

El Paso, Texas, just hours after being

Transgender Murders

released from ICE custody. She suffered severe health complications that went untreated while she was in detention, according to Diversidad Sin Fronteras. Her family filed a wrongful death and personal injury claim against ICE and the Department of Homeland Security. Polanco, 27, was found dead in solitary confinement at Rikers Island on June 7. Her family says authorities knew she had epilepsy and failed to provide her proper treatment despite her condition.

LGBTQ Cases before the SCOTUS

Currently before the Supreme Court are two cases of significant importannce: R.G. & G.R. Harris Funeral Homes v. EEOC & Aimee Stephens and Altitude Express v. Zarda (a third case, Bostock v. Clayton County, Georgia, had been consolidated with Zarda). They are cases that could chart the future of workplace anti-discrimination protections in the United States.

Stephens, whom the American Civil Liberties Union and the ACLU of Michigan represent, was fired from her job after coming out as transgender, and the Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that her firing was a form of sex discrimination that violates Title VII of the Civil Rights Act. Five federal appeals courts and dozens of federal district

A Look Back at 2019

A positive note for New York’s transgender community in January, Gov. Andrew Cuomo signed into law the Gender Expression Non-Discrimination Act (GENDA) into law. The bill adds gender identity and expression to an existing law which bans discrimination on gender, age, religion, race and sexual orientation.

In March, Puerto Rico Governor Ricardo Rosello signed an executive order protecting LGBTQ youth in the American territory from conversion therapy.

The action adds Puerto Rico to a list that includes 15 other states and the District of Columbia, which all ban “conversion therapy,” which is condemned by the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association and the American Medical Association.

In early April three lesbians captured mayor’s positions in key cities across the country.

Lori Lightfoot, 56, became the first LGBTQ person to be elected mayor of Chicago, Ill. see Review on 8

Dec. 27, 2019-Jan. 9, 202

qnotes

7

life Review

continued from page 7 “Out there tonight a lot of little girls and boys are watching.” Lightfoot told the ecstatic crowd. “They’re watching us and they’re seeing the beginning of something, well a little bit different. They’re seeing a city reborn.” Lightfoot is also the first AfricanAmerican woman to be elected mayor of Chicago.

Openly gay Mayor Pete Buttigieg joined the crowded field of The city of Madison, contenders in his bid for the 2020 presidential nomination.

Wisc. also followed suit when they elected lesbian the fight as activists, while continuing to Satya Rhodes-Conway, a explore New York City’s ballroom culture.

Democrat, to the office of mayor.

“This season feels epic. And in parIn Tampa, Florida, Jane Castor, also ticular in the latter half of the season, a lesbian, was elected to the position of there are a couple of moments that are mayor. Following a tight race that required really big,” Canals said in an interview with a runoff, the former Republican-turnedEntertainment Weekly. “The back half of the Democrat became the first openly gay season, I think we start to see some of our person to be elected mayor of Tampa and characters finally find their bliss. And then the eighth LGBTQ person to be elected for others, we start to see life unravel in mayor of a municipality in Florida. really significant ways.”

In many cities and towns across the On April 14 came an unexpected country the end of June saw multiple and unprecedented announcement: Pride celebrations. June 28, 1969, is a an openly gay male was vying for the significant date in American LGBTQ history: Democratic Party’s presidential nominaNew York City Police conducted a raid on the tion. Seemingly wholesome as white bread Stonewall Inn, a popular gay bar. While raids mixed with Howdy Doody, 37-year-old Pete were not uncommon at that time in history, Buttigieg clearly has a much higher than reaction from patrons was different that average IQ. He’s the mayor of South Bend, night. This time, the patrons fought back.

Ind., (a small town that is never mentioned While a mixed group of gays, lesbians without the reminder that it was the home and transgender individuals pelted police of the Studebaker, a car that hasn’t been with sticks and rocks, law enforcement in production since 1966), a graduate of barricaded themselves inside the bar, Harvard and Oxford Universities, and he awaiting help from riot control. also served as a lieutenant in the United Police eventually withdrew from the States Navy. What’s more, he’s even marsite, but outrage, uproar and demonstraried. His spouse’s name is Chasten. tions continued over the next five days.

At press time, Buttigieg continued to fall The following year marked the first Pride in line for the nomination behind Joe Biden, celebration and march in New York City.

Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren. He’s In June of this year the city celebrated been quite adept at fundraising and is the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall extremely popular with many Democratic Riots. Members of the LGBTQ community centrist voters. Will he capture the nominafrom around the globe converged on the tion? Probably not this ‘go round. city to celebrate the date and attend a But who knows for sure? If not a presimyriad of events that took place. dential nominee, he’d definitely make a An important footnote: the NYPD isgood vice presidential running mate. sued a formal apology for what occurred 50 years ago. “The actions and the laws FX announced in June that it was were discriminatory and oppressive, renewing the popular series “Pose” for a and for that, I apologize,” Commissioner third season.

James P. O’Neill said during a news “’Pose’ has elevated our culture and conference. “I vow to the [LGBT] comthe TV landscape like few shows before it, munity that this would never happen in and we are honored to partner with cothe NYPD in 2019. We have, and we do, creators Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk and embrace all New Yorkers.”

Steven Canals on a third season,” FX head John Landgraf said in a release In July, Country Fusion Rapper Lil June 11’s season premiere was the Nas X, best known for his chart-topping series’ most-watched episode to date, and hit “Old Town Road” made the decision to the second season has received continued come out publicly. The recording artist, critical acclaim. “Pose” is set in the year whose birth name is Montero Lamar Hill, 1990 and follows the characters through made the announcement at the end of the escalating AIDS epidemic as they join National Pride Month via Twitter.

“Some of y’all already know, some of y’all don’t care, some of y’all not gone fwm no more. But before this month ends i want y’all to listen closely to c7osure,” he tweeted.

Nas added a rainbow flag to the tweet and followed up the announcement with an appearance on “Ellen,” where he further confirmed he is now in a relationship. see Review on 16

8

qnotes

Dec. 27, 2019-Jan. 9, 2020

Friends and Family We Lost In Memoriam: 2019

D

uring 2019, the LGBTQ community, both locally and nationally, said goodbye to a number of individuals who touched our lives in different ways.

These family members, allies and icons are highlighted here.

National Carol Channing January 31, 1921-January 15, 2019 Although Carol Channing appeared in such films as the 1950 film Noir Classic “Paid in Full” and the Ross Hunter-produced musical “Thoroughly Modern Millie,” she was clearly best known for her roles on Broadway, such as “How to Marry a Millionaire” and “Lorelei.”

Her most significant role was that of matchmaker Dolly Levi in “Hello, Dolly!”

Later in life Channing continued to reprise the role in theatrical productions around the country. She admitted that she had played the part on so many occasions she had lost count of the number times she had appeared as Dolly Levi.

She continued to perform until 2017 and over the last two decades of her life donated much of the money raised from her performances to AIDS charities and LGBTQ causes.

She remained a staunch ally and gay icon throughout her career. At the time of her death she was just 15 days shy of 98 years old.

Kaye Ballard November 20. 1925-January 21, 2019 Comic and film and television actress Kaye Ballard appeared in numerous films and TV series, including 1957’s “The Girl Most Likely,” alongside Jane Powell and Cliff Robertson, as well as a regularly appearing role on “The Doris Day Show” (1970-1972). By far, however, she was best known for her role in the television series “The Mothers-in-Law” with co-star Eve Arden (1967-1969).

While she rallied in support of Rosie O’Donnell and Ellen DeGeneres and claimed “all of my best friends are gay,” she never technically came out herself, although she wrote in her autobiography “How I Lost Ten Pounds In 53 Years” that “all her emotionally satisfying relationships had been with women.”

Ballard was 95 at the time of her death.

Karl Lagerfeld September 10, 1933-February 19, 2019 Lagerfeld was a German fashion designer and photographer best known as the creative power behind the modern revival of Chanel, the legendary French fashion design firm

BY David AAron Moore | QNotes CONTRIBUTING WRITER founded by Coco Chanel in the early 20th century.

In 1967 he was hired as a consultant director by upscale Italian design house Fendi to modernize the company’s fur line.

While he remained with Fendi throughout his career, he branched out in 1983 to produce his first couture collection for Chanel. In 1984, after just one year, he launched his own label, producing readyto-wear clothing and accessories for men and women, and a cologne line. While Lagerfeld was largely supportive of LGBTQ rights and maintained a long-term relationship with Jacques de Bascher, he rarely spoke of his private life. Lagerfeld was 85.

Luke Perry October 11, 1966-March 24, 2019 Luke Perry was an extremely LGBTQ supportive straight actor who was always at ease playing gay characters in TV and film. In fact, Perry guest-starred as gay characters in the sitcoms “Spin City” (1997) and “Will & Grace” (2005); in the former, he appeared as Carter Heywood‘s ex-boyfriend who subsequently fell in love with a woman, and in the latter he played a geeky “birdwatcher” who catches the eye of Jack McFarland. He maintained a lifelong friendship with the late actor Alexis Arquette, who began his entertainment career as an openly gay man, before transitioning into a transgender woman and reality TV star. His cause of death at the age of 53 was listed as a hearted attack.

Doris Day April 3, 1922-May 13, 2019 Doris Day was an LGBTQ ally, gay icon and close friend to late gay actor Rock Hudson. Born Doris Mary Ann Kappelhoff, the woman who came to be an entertainment legend began her career with the release of the big band single “Sentimental Journey,” which quickly led to a movie career that would include such films as Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Man Who Knew Too Much” and a string of much loved comedies co-starring Day with Hudson, among them “Pillow Talk,” “Lover Come Back” and “Send Me No Flowers.” In her later years Day, who like many stars of old Hollywood, found a devoted following in the LGBTQ community and hosted the series “Doris Day’s Best Friends.” The show focused on Day’s efforts with animals and most of the guests were other actors she had worked with in years past. For the debut of the program, Day invited Hudson, who was then suffering from the effects of late stage AIDS-related illness. Hudson’s appearance shocked his old friend, but she stood by him during a time when gay and HIV-positive actors were shunned by the industry and mainstream fans.

Day was 97 at the time of her death.

Gloria Vanderbilt February 20, 1924-June 17, 2019 Gloria Vanderbilt was an American socialite, artist, author, actress and fashion designer, who was often in the public eye for her social life and professional efforts.

Long an LGBTQ ally, she was frequently in the spotlight as the mother of gay CNN anchor Anderson Cooper. Her cause of death at the age of 95, was listed as advanced stomach cancer.

Toni Morrison February 18, 1931-August 5, 2019 Author Toni Morrison was born Chloe Anthony Wofford in the Bronx, New York. As an American writer, she was noted for her examination of the black female experience within the black community.

She is best known for such literary works of art as “The Bluest Eye,” “Beloved and Sula,” among others. Her collection of books received acclaim and awards globally and she remains an icon in the lesbian community, though her own sexual orientation continues to be somewhat thinly veiled in a cloak of mystery. Morrison passed away at the age of 88.

Rep. Elijah Eugene Cummings January 18, 1951-October 17, 2019 Congressman Elijah Eugene Cummings was a much-loved American politician (D-MD), LGBTQ advocate and civil rights advocate who served in the United States House of Representatives for Maryland‘s 7th congressional district from 1996 until his death in 2019.

Previously he had served in the Maryland House from 1983 through 1996.

Cummings was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer called thymic carcinoma in 1994 while serving as a member of the Maryland House of Delegates. It was revealed in November 2019 that Cummings had lived with the cancer for 25 years, though it was not stated as the cause of death.

Daniel C. Cochran 1946-December 1, 2019 Daniel C. Cochran died at the age of 73.

He was a groundbreaking pioneer for African-Americans and gay people on Wall Street, serving in senior positions at both Merrill Lynch and UBS and on the board of the hedge fund Prince Street Capital Management.

Heralded by the Human Rights Campaign

for his fundraising efforts for LGBTQ causes, he is survived by his long-term spouse, Greg Sutphin.

Carolinas Ed DePasquale February 15, 1933-February 1, 2019 Long a prominent figure in the Queen City’s gay community, Charlottean Ed DePasquale was born in Hudson, N.Y. He was 23 when he relocated to Charlotte in 1956 after serving in the Air Force during the Korean Conflict from 1950-1954.

Earlier in life DePasquale served as vice president of the Mecklenburg Jaycees. In his middle and later years he was actively involved with Carolina Celebration, Metropolitan Community Church, Prime Timers, The Queen City Supper Club and cofounded the Metrolina AIDS Project (MAP).

Ed DePasquale was 86.

Beverly McIntyre October 22, 1933-July 29, 2019 Beverly A. McIntyre, an ally community member, was formerly owner of Pink Lady Travels that catered to the gay and lesbian community. McIntyre was also active with PFLAG, the Metrolina AIDS Project and served on the boards of the International Gay and Lesbian Travel Association and the Charlotte Business Guild. She also sang with One Voice Chorus of Charlotte and was honored by the LGBTQ community through Pride Charlotte as the inaugural Champion of Pride’s Outstanding Ally award which she shared with her husband Bill. : : [Ed. Note: qnotes has prepared this In Memoriam list as a sampling of those whom we have lost this year. If readers will email editor@goqnotes.com with others to include, qnotes will be happy to add them to the online compilation so that their memories can be honored. Please report any errors or changes that need to be made.]

Photo Credits:

Channing, Allan Warren, Wikimedia CC BY SA-3.0 Unported license Ballard, Public Domain Lagerfeld, Christopher William Adach, Wikimedia CC BY SA-2.0 Generic license Perry, Gage Skidmore , Wikimedia CC BY SA-3.0 Unported license Day, Kate Gabrielle, Flickr CC BY 2.0 Vanderbilt, Public Domain Morrison, John Mathew Smith and celebrity-photos.com from Laurel Maryland, USA, Wikimedia CC BY SA-2.0 Generic license Cummings, public domain Cochran, Legacy obituary DePasquale, qnotes archives McIntyre, Legacy obituary

Dec. 27, 2019-Jan. 9, 202

qnotes

9

10

qnotes

Dec. 27, 2019-Jan. 9, 2020

Dec. 27, 2019-Jan. 9, 202

qnotes

11

life

Pride in Rugby

QNotes’ 2019 Organization of the Year Brings the Community Together

BY Chris Rudisill | QNotes CONTRIBUTING WRITER

I

n 2018, the Charlotte Royals were prepared to host the annual Queen City Crown tournament when the reservation of a local playing field was cancelled.

The Royals, Charlotte’s gay rugby team, tried everything they could imagine in hopes of recovering in time. Feeling hopeless, with only hours left to go, they serendipitously got a call that the field behind Marie G. Davis Middle School was available. “We ended up there because we had to,” said Craig Maxwell who organizes the annual tournament. The field was in bad shape with overgrown grass, trash and a large sink hole.

“It’s kind of this misfit field — where anybody that didn’t get fields anywhere else kind of ended up.”

On The Pitch

Each year, qnotes selects The Charlotte Royals at the Bingham Cup in 2018. (Photo Credit: Zechariah Sanders Photography) a person or organization that is benefitting the LGBTQ community through service or by breaking down barriers Club, founded in 1971, and a few college teams. While the in the region. The Charlotte Royals was founded on the sport was gaining popularity in the LGBTQ community, the idea to foster a supportive environment where gay and city lacked its own gay rugby team. bisexual men and their straight allies can learn and play Jeff Enochs joined the Charlotte Royals a year after the the sport of rugby. The team is open to all men regardless team launched. He had recently been discharged from of their sexual orientation, race and ethnicity, religion, the military and had no real social outlet. After stumbling age, size or whether they have ever played sports before. upon the group at Charlotte Pride, Enochs decided to Today, there are over 30 players and a growing auxiliary see what rugby was about. “When I showed up, I swear it membership. There are two seasons, spring and fall, each wasn’t within the first two practices that I realized that the involving an average of six weekend matches, along with group I was with was probably the most welcoming group fundraisers, social events and charity work. of people in the city at that point,” remembers Enochs. “It Like that “misfit” field, or pitch, the team had a rough felt like what they were doing at that time was something start. In 2004, Jason Cash and others had been invited to that had not been done in North Carolina. There were gay watch a scrimmage between the Atlanta Bucks and the organizations, but there weren’t any gay organizations Raleigh Kodiaks. Rugby wasn’t very popular in the South that were actively getting inserted into a predominantly yet, and Charlotte was home only to the Charlotte Rugby straight environment.”

“Homophobia was quite real,” says Enochs referring to those early years. “We have played teams where we would all travel, 20 to 25 of us, would travel a couple of hours outside the city, set up to play a game only to find out that the team decided they did not want to play us because they said ‘they would all catch AIDS’. So, they would send their women’s team to play us instead.” The team regularly heard the other teams utter “faggot” or “queer.” “They didn’t take us seriously,” says Maxwell, who joined later in the fall of 2013. “We would play against them, but you’d still hear some comments from players on the sidelines or on the field.” Maxwell had grown up around rugby starting at age nine and was aware of the homophobia that existed in the sport.

Things started to change over the years as the team grew. In 2007, the Royals brought on Amanda Vestal as a coach. She fell in love with the team from the very beginning. While she had been coaching women’s rugby for years, she points out a difference in this team. “It’s just like a family,” says Vestal.

“I think we all realize that we’re the Charlotte Royals and we have each other’s backs.”

The Charlotte Royals work on the rehabilitation of David June Memorial Pitch.

The same holds true for Rikki Bower, (Photo Credit: The Charlotte Royals) who joined the team in 2017. Two of

12

qnotes

Dec. 27, 2019-Jan. 9, 2020

his close friends had been asking him to take them to Rugby 101, an information session the team has at the beginning of each season. Out of the three, Bower seemed like the least likely person to join the team but was the only one who stayed. He describes an early tackling drill during practice that involves hitting a pad and then rolling back up.

“There was something about that rolling back up that just made me feel exhilarated,” says Bower. “I felt like I was on top of the world.”

A Lion’s Strength

You might say that the pitch at Marie G. Davis Middle School, called the David June Memorial Pitch, found the Charlotte Royals that day in 2017, rather than the other way around. “We realized all the kids were playing there on these terrible conditions, pretty much because they had to,” said Maxwell. Just like the Royals team had grown from a commitment to each other and the community, they quickly decided they had to apply those same philosophies to this new home. They cleared two truckloads of garbage, cut back the weeds and grass, filled the sink hole, built viewing platforms with bleachers and tables, and a new scoreboard is coming soon.

Overall, they’ve put $10,000 into the field and equally a lot of hard work. It’s important to note the bridges they have built over the past 15 years gave way to the Charlotte Barbarians and Queens University Women’s Rugby team also donating money and labor to the project.

“A lion’s strength is in its pride” appears on the back of the Charlotte Royals’ singlets. “It’s become bigger than a rugby team. I look at guys like Craig (Maxwell) who, we’ll practice together. We’ll lay some hits. We’ll do all the fun stuff, but like at the end of the day after tackling each other just give him a big ole hug,” says Robert “Kiwi” Primm.

Self-described as the “big, charismatic, lovable guy on the team,” Primm has played rugby since he was young and previously played for the Charlotte Barbarians. He joined the Royals because it offered something different than the other leagues in town. “Hearing everybody’s stories on the team; hearing everybody’s past of what they’ve went through, what they’re going through now, kind of brought us closer,” says Primm whose wife and kids come to the games on a regular basis. Primm has gone on to coach a gay team for two years in Charleston, S.C. because of his experience with the Royals.

In addition to the work on the David June Memorial Pitch, the organization has helped organizations like Time Out Youth, Charlotte Mecklenburg Schools, Charlotte Pride, Toys for Tots, Out of the Darkness Walk, the AIDS Walk, local pet food drives and other teams throughout the International Gay Rugby (IGR) league. They’ve covered funeral costs, hospital bills and community needs.

Earlier this year, the Royals hosted the Rainbow Unicorn 7’s Youth Rugby Tournament in partnership with the Charlotte Junior Rugby Association. Maxwell talks candidly about the personal benefit the sport has on someone who is LGBTQ. “It pushes you and challenges you in ways that you don’t really get to be challenged. Rugby is a big part of what helped me fight depression in high school.” The see next page u

team and the tournament is helping to build acceptance and understanding for young players. Primm talks about the connection that exists for youth rugby that holds true in the team itself. “When you’ve been working with a player for a couple of weeks or a couple of months, and you see that light go on, that spark, it’s an amazing thing. You’re not just looking at someone just getting something. You’re looking at someone who was denied sports their whole life.”

In the early years, the Royals lost every single game, but they persisted knowing they were there to do something bigger. “We played 80 minutes every single time,” says Enochs. “We walked off that field with our heads held high knowing that we were doing something that nobody else in the state had done.” Today, the Royals regularly win matches and the change in the community has been profound. They’ve had two undefeated seasons in the past five years, have numerous awards in the United States, and won the Hoagland Shield in 2018 at the Bingham Cup in Amsterdam. That respect goes far and wide. The team seeks to break down the perceptions of masculinity within the gay and straight communities by demonstrating the legitimacy of a gay rugby team. Teams around the region, some in those same areas that would not play the team back in 2004, call asking to play them today, or be part of the team’s events. “If we were not in existence, I don’t think that the level of understanding that we’ve achieved in 2019 (in the sport) would be where we are right now,” says Enochs. This year at Pride, over 100 ruggers from area teams walked with the Royals in the Charlotte Pride Parade.

A Global Community

The impact goes well beyond just the Charlotte community, however. Being part of IGR, the team has close friends around the globe. IGR is now working with USA Rugby, the national governing body for the sport of rugby in the United States, to create more inclusive LGBTQ policies across its leagues, including more trans inclusion. “We are part of a very large community that is continuously growing,” says Vestal. “If we didn’t have IGR behind us, I don’t know that we would have the confidence to do a lot of the things that we’re doing now.”

In November, it was announced that the Royals would be the host club for the 2021 International Gay Rugby North American Championship (IGR NAC). The IGR NAC will bring inclusive rugby teams from across Canada, Mexico, and the United States to Charlotte and Matthews for a long weekend of intense rugby competition during the Memorial Day weekend in 2021. The team will be coordinating new and established partnerships to create a successful event for the city and will need to raise close to $350,000. In a press release Kerry Beck, president of the Charlotte Royals, said, “We are honored to bring this tournament to Charlotte and continue our mission to promote the sport we love.” It is expected to bring in 40 teams from around the globe with an estimated 1,000 players, undoubtedly a boost for the local economy. “It’s a big deal,” says Vestal. “It’s a really big undertaking. It’s the Charlotte Royals, but we’re going to need our community to help us.” Judging from the organization’s history it’s easy to foresee the tournament’s success.

“Being 15 years on this team and coming from the background that I came from, feeling like you’re alone and when you join this group, you have the largest family that you could ever possibly have,” says Enochs. That family has won awards and had fun, but most importantly, it continues to make a difference in LGBTQ lives and bridge divides in the broader Charlotte community. : :

Matthew Primm with the Charlotte Royals. (Photo Credit: Chuck Edge Photography)

If you’re interested in learning more about the Charlotte Royals visit charlotteroyalsrugby.com or follow the team at facebook.com/CharlotteRoyalsRFC.

Dec. 27, 2019-Jan. 9, 202

qnotes

13

views

Transgender Children in Custody Battles Legal Eagles: What Parents Can Learn from the Younger v. Georgulas Case

BY Patra Sinner, attorney | guest WRITER

T

he Younger/Georgulas case out of Texas highlights a custody dispute between the parents of a seven-year old born as male whom the mother (as well as other caregivers, including teachers) believes identifies as a female named “Luna.” The mother advocated for gender-affirming care for the child. The father strongly, and very publicly, disagreed. A legal battle ensued. The court’s initial decision provided for the mother to have the care and custody of the child, who has identified as female since the age of three according to the mother and other trial witnesses.

The public has followed along the details of this case through media reports inciting polarizing positions, including the governor of Texas weighing in via threatening an investigation of the mother by child protective services. There has been public speculation that pressure from Texas officials was what led to the Judge quickly reversing her initial decision to allow the mother to have full conservatorship (the equivalent of primary custody), to requiring the parties to jointly share custody of the child. For a family already in crisis trying to co-parent children after separation, this disagreement over gender dysphoria has added another layer of difficulty leading to the child’s private life being subject to very public scrutiny. Given their disagreement,

Making decisions for transgender children who seek to transition is a delicate situation. And, how to handle it is even nore challenging when having to deal with it within the legal system.

(Photo Credit: devenorr via Adobe Stock) the parties are not providing consistent care for the child, which likely causes more confusion and trauma for the child.

When it comes to parenting a transgender or gender fluid child, even celebrities such as superstar basketball player Dwayne Wade, are not immune from the court of public opinion. Wade has been both applauded and harshly criticized over recent family photos wherein his son was wearing a cropped top and had polished nails. Wade posted several responses in support of his son and in the protection of his family including the heartwarming statement that “[a]s a parent my only goal is that my kids feel that I see them, love them and support them.”

What does it mean to provide genderaffirming care?

Gender affirming care can include the provision of support for outward appearance choices, obtaining counseling, administration of hormones, voice therapy, dermatologic changes and in some cases, actual gender re-assignment. In the case of Luna, the testimony expressed that given the age of the child the gender affirming care was primarily social in nature, including having long hair, choosing clothing that might be considered feminine and requesting others use feminine names and pronouns. However, Luna’s father reportedly provided misinformation indicating that the mother was seeking immediate chemical castration. It is believed he was incorrectly describing hormone treatments to suppress testosterone production. The mother denied such plans, indicating she had only planned to take the child to a health clinic specializing in assisting transgender children to discuss options and support.

Why did the parties have to seek court intervention over this decision?

The provision of gender-affirming care would fall under the umbrella of legal decision-making in a custody case. When parties are still married or are able to make co-parenting decisions together about such issues as gender identity effectively, there is less controversy. However, when the parents disagree over such a significant parenting decision, particularly when they are separated, it creates an unfortu-

14

qnotes

Dec. 27, 2019-Jan. 9, 2020

nate side effect of negatively impacting the child. If the issue is litigated, public court documents contain the intimate details of the disputes on decisions that need to be made for the child.

This effectively “outs” the child — particularly if the case grabs media attention as the Texas case did. This can have consequences on the child’s school experience, social interactions and self-image. Even in cases that do not garner as much attention, the fundamental difference between parents on such a significant issue can cause a polarizing impact on the child’s relationships with each parent, cause them to resist spending time with one parent and likely cause further emotional distress in an already stressful situation.

The parents can maintain more control and privacy by working together with mental health and medical professionals to tailor a plan that is best for their child, rather than letting third parties make these decisions in a public forum. At a minimum, they could better protect the child’s privacy by using a parenting coordinator or engaging in private arbitration if they must have someone else break the tie in their positioning.

What are some other considerations?

Consider the best insurance plan for gender affirming care treatments when selecting a plan. Some states have better protections than others for ensuring such coverage is not denied. The uninsured portions of such care could be considered as an extraordinary expense and have an impact on the calculation of child support.

In summary, any major decision that impacts the well-being of the child must be either agreed upon by the parents or a third party will need to decide. Even if one parent has primary legal custody, the other parent can file a motion to modify or for other relief if the parents encounter a significant disagreement. The court will typically apply a best interests of the child standard, which is where the focus should be. Parents are strongly encouraged to try to work together, even if they disagree, with medical and therapeutic professionals who can make recommendations to best support the child. : :

life

Fish Oil Supplements

Health & Wellness: Environmentally Unsustainable and Ineffective

BY Jack Kirven | qnotes contributor

Fish oil supplements are popular, but are they good for the consumer and the environment?

(Photo Credit: Pixabay)

I

don’t generally promote supplements.

Most of them play to specific, isolated points of medical research to serve as a magic pill. But they’re often made of artificial ingredients that cannot be absorbed by the body, and thus have no benefit.

Those that can be absorbed still don’t necessarily provide the stated benefit. One remarkable example of this is fish oil.

Globally, fish oil is promoted as a substance that prevents heart disease.

This, like many other fitness and wellness myths, really does need to be reconsidered.

This is especially true for fish and krill oil, because harvesting them contributes to the overfishing that is depleting the world’s stock of fish and other marine species. It’s an unsustainable practice, and we ought to consider looking at it with the same skepticism as rhinoceros horns and tiger teeth.

The body cannot make omega 3 fatty acid, so it must be consumed in our food.

We don’t need much of it, but it’s essential in a well balanced diet. However, getting it from supplements shows no benefit, according to a systemic survey that tracked over 70 studies that monitored more than 100,000 people over the course of many years: bit.ly/34zFnQs. The survey found that only 8.8 percent of participants saw the purported benefits from taking omega 3 supplements, but that 9 percent had the same results by taking a placebo. There were no solidly convincing results demonstrating that using over the counter products are consistently effective. Although eating seafood, walnuts and other whole foods rich in omega 3 is itself a healthful practice, extracting the oil to concentrate it into a pill or capsule doesn’t provide the same benefits.

As per usual, extracting one component of a food to provide a large dose of it removes the substance from interacting with other chemicals that work together to make a food wholesome. We tend to find a connection between some group of foods that offer similar benefits, single out what they have in common and then focus on that one molecule. But that is rather like isolating sound bites for headlines in the news: the broader context matters, and can ultimately change what is meant.

It seems inconceivable, but there are now estimates that fish populations will totally collapse by the year 2048. It’s mind boggling. If current practices aren’t changed, the projected decline will reach 90 percent. According to a four-year international study of 7,800 marine species, the projected human population will be 9 billion people, and the demands on every aspect of marine ecology will be stressed to the point of mass extinction.

“Dr Boris Worm, of Dalhousie University, Nova Scotia, the lead author, said: ‘This is what is projected, not predicted, to happen. I am confident we will not go there because we will do something about it. But if this trend continues in this predictable fashion, as it has for the last 50 years, the world’s currently fished seafoods will have reached what we define as collapse by 2048.’” — Charles Clover, The Telegraph (bit.ly/2EtwWf4) The idea that we should supplement with fish oil is morally irresponsible. Yes, a healthy diet includes omega 3 fatty acid; however, there are food sources of it that do not apply so much direct pressure to marine ecosystems. Consider these whole foods as alternatives: • Flax seeds • Seaweed • Walnuts • Spirulina • Edamame • Chia seeds • Kidney beans • Hemp seeds In addition to omega 3 fat, these foods also tend to be good sources of numerous other healthful substances. They also tend to be good sources of protein, fiber and other fats and minerals. These plant-based foods are more sustainable, both in terms of production and environmental impact.

They are less expensive than seafood and they require less energy to farm and process. Definitely get omega 3, but get it from wholesome, complete foods that significantly reduce the strain on the natural world. : : Jack Kirven completed the MFA in Dance at UCLA, and earned certification as a personal trainer through NASM. His wellness philosophy is founded upon integrated lifestyles as opposed to isolated workouts. Visit him at jackkirven.com and INTEGRE8Twellness.com.

Dec. 27, 2019-Jan. 9, 202

qnotes

15

life Review

continued from page 8 In early December, Cable Network Showtime introduced the new series “Work In Progress.”

Created and written by Chicago improv-mainstays Abby McEnany and Tim Mason, and co-written by Lilly Wachowski (“The Matrix,” “Sense8”), the series is a funny and uniquely human comedy. Written and shot in Chicago, the eight-episode, half-hour comedy series features McEnany as a fictionalized version of herself, a 45-year-old self-identified fat, queer dyke whose misfortune and despair unexpectedly lead her to a “vibrantly transformative relationship.” In addition to McEnany, the series stars Chicago-based performer Karin Anglin alongside Celeste Pechous, with Julia Sweeney (“Saturday Night Live”) appearing in a crucial role as herself and Theo Germaine (“The Politician”) appearing as a special guest star.

The series is described by creators as “a finely-crafted cocktail of depression, OCD, queerness and anxiety.” Viewers step into Abby’s life, generally a quiet place, yet in perpetual crisis, despite her ability to charm those around her with her self-deprecating and endearing personality. When her confident, suburban sister Alison (Anglin) determinedly sets her up with Chris (Germaine), a younger, sexuallyexplorative transgender man, things start to radically shift in Abby’s mind in terms of her self-identity and self-worth, allowing her to rethink her choices and even confront the woman who “ruined her life,”

16

qnotes

Dec. 27, 2019-Jan. 9, 2020

With the help of her acerbic best friend Campbell (Pechous), Abby attempts to navigate her way through modern-day dating, therapy mishaps, rude co-workers and more.

You can watch the series Sunday evenings at 11 p.m. or stream it live on the Showtime website.

In mid-December, the town of Hayesville, N.C., which has a population of just under 500 and is located in Clay County, which has a population of around 11,000, experienced a first. Among the participants in the annual Christmas parade was a contingent representing the LGBTQ Democrats of North Carolina.

Although reaction from some locals in the small town was shock, many responded positively.

From the website fetchyournews.com (FYN) came the following: “I am a local minister’s wife and was delighted to see a group walking in peace and love despite obvious local and vocal opposition to both Democrats and members of the community,” said a woman named Susan, who requested that her last name be withheld.

“Any young person in our community who is wondering if they might be a member of the community may have felt comfort in knowing that there is a place for them in a place that is usually dominated by judgment and exclusion.”

According to the website’s report, the county’s Democratic Party leadership offered the following statement: “The Clay County Democratic Party is inclusive and supports the rights of all citizens, those of the LGBTQ community included. We are happy the LGBTQ Democrats of NC joined along with the Tri-County Democratic Women of NC’s float in the Clay County Christmas Parade, an expression of seasonal engagement, communal celebration, and holiday joy,” shared local Democratic Party Chair Barbara Lanwermeye.

Two members of the contingent, Cindy Nodine and Jan Chatterton, co-presidents of LGBTQ NC Democrats of Cherokee and Clay County, also shared their thoughts with FYN. “We feel very loved and accepted in this small town because so many people do show their love of Jesus by being like Jesus. So much kindness, sharing and giving goes on here in Hayesville. That is what Christmas is all about anyways, right?” : :

a&e

Young, Gifted and Gay! Tell Trinity

BY Trinity | CONTRIBUTING WRITER Hello Trinity, I’m writing to you because I’m 18, gay and live in a small town. There’s not a lot for me to do. It seems that if you’re not of drinking age or live in a big city, you’re considered a gay outcast. Sometimes, I think there’s no place for me! Help!

Yours, Under Age, Medford, MA Hello Under Age, I haven’t been under age in ages.

However, when I was, I also had to work hard and be creative to meet gay folk as well. Today, you can a) search the Internet to find gay youth groups near and far and join gay youth forums/blogs, b) get a job at a place where gay people frequent, c) ask gay friends what they do in your community and even better, d) call a gay youth hotline. These things will definitely help you. Pumpkin, being young and gay is truly a gift. The future is all yours!

Big hugs, Trinity Dearest Trinity, My best girlfriend just started dating this great girl whom I am falling in love with. I dream about this girl all the time. How do I stop?

Thanks, Best Friend Troubles, San Diego, CA Dearest Best Friend Troubles, You can’t go there! You’ll lose your best girlfriend and your selfrespect. But you can’t shut out your feelings either. So what you can do is dream, but no obsessing. For now, you must keep yourself busy by meeting other women and acting very cool around this new couple.

These two may not date forever and at that point, honey, you can start

qomunity

qonexions

shooting cupid’s arrow. But, please, let a few weeks or a month pass first! (Life is not always a Garden of Eden, so be careful what or whom you pick and watch out for unwanted snakes in the grass who can derail your peaceful environs.)

Kisses, Trinity Hi Miss Trinity, I loved seeing you sing on stage. You inspire me! I’d love to sing too, but I’m dreadfully afraid of being on stage. Do you have any advice to help me get over stage fright?

Sincerely, Introverted Singer, Roanoke, VA Hi Introverted Singer, Many performers, including Streisand and Garland, had an awful time being on stage. I myself used to have that problem.

But one night, 15 years ago, I was hired to do a show for a hundred people in a hall in New Hope, Pa. When I arrived wearing a dress fit for the Grammy’s, it ended up being moved to a private house party for an audience of 11 stoned, naked hippies.

Needless to say, I was livid and fit to be tied! But the show had to go on. I was so upset that I sang, totally forgetting about my stage fright. And I’ve been singing ever since. Anyway, darling, keep singing in front of familiar people until the pain goes away.

Kisses, Trinity Dear Trinity, Finally, I’m thinking of coming out as a gay man to my family, whom I live with in a very homophobic town. But before I

do, have you got any supportive words of wisdom?

Yours, Coming Out, Lancaster, PA Dear Coming Out, Congratulations! Coming out is usually a shocker at first, but years later they always say, “Sweetie, I never had a problem with it.” So prepare with:

Trinity’s Graceful Tips For Coming Out To Someone

1. Set up a support system for yourself before you say the holy words!

2. First, tell them you have cancer then say, “Just kidding! I’m only gay!”

3. Get them to visit gay places, events or gay groups like PFLAG. 4. Feel pride in knowing that it only gets better, after it gets worse!

5. Make sure no one is standing near a cliff or set of knives when you tell them.

6. Leave a few hints prior to the big surprise. Like this article!

7. Get them to watch “Will and Grace.”

8. Leave yourself a little financial independence before you tell them.

9. Be understanding toward their new situation! Time heals everything.

10. A nd, lastly, hold your ground!

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com.

Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

space starting at $22: call qnotes for details 704.531.9988

Dec. 27, 2019-Jan. 9, 202

qnotes

17

events comes to life, in a live performance of “A Charlie Brown Christmas.” boplex.com.

December 28 Charlotte Symphony ‘Cirque de Noel’ December 27-28 Time Out Youth Lock In

Time Out Youth Center 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte 8 p.m.- 8 a.m.

Time Out Youth is having an end-of-the-year slumber party with games, food, and movies for LGBTQ youth. This event is open to participants of Time Out Youth Center, ages 13-20. Space is limited and participants must register through Eventbrite. bit.ly/2Lxa4iF.

December 27 ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’

Ovens Auditorium 2700 E. Independence Blvd., Charlotte 7 p.m.

Everyone’s favorite holiday cartoon

Belk Theater at Blumenthal Performing Arts Center 130 N. Tryon St., Charlotte 7:30 p.m.

The circus meets the symphony for “Cirque de Noel” this season.

Listen to the holiday classics while watching acrobatic, contortionist and juggling acts. Tickets start at $19 and are availabale online. bit.ly/2QIEjXn.

December 31 Watch Night Service

Imani Metropolitan Community Church 3602 C-View St., Durham 10 p.m.

The community is invited to enjoy praise, worship and testimonies.

The last preached word of the year will be from Rev. Annie Ross

December 2019-January 2020 Submit your events: editor@goqnotes.com

and the new preached word for the New Year will be from Senior Pastor Marilyn Bowens as the church welcomes her back from sabbatical. imanimcc.org.

December 31 Biggest 90’s Party Event on NYE

The Underground 820 Hamilton St., Charlotte 8:30 p.m.

Bring in the New Year in your 90s clothes and join DJ Glory for a 90s flashback. Costume contest $100 cash prize and tickets start at $30. biggest90s.com/charlotte.

December 31 Painting with a Twist: Queen City New Year

Studio 45 Ste. J 4724 Sharon Rd., Charlotte 3:30 p.m.

Enjoy step-by-step instruction from a local artist while hanging with friends. This is fun art not fine art. $37 per person for canvas and supplies, ages 17+. bit.ly/2rYOAVu.

December 31 The Greensboro Symphony Orchestra: Broadway and Beyond with Ben Crawford

Westover Church 505 Muirs Chapel Rd., Greensboro 8 p.m.

Experience classic, show stopping hits from some of your favorite musicals sung by Ben Crawford along side Greensboro Symphony Orchestra. bit.ly/2rfNzYF.

January 6, 13, 20 Open Rehearsals Gay Men’s Chorus of Charlotte

January 5: Face 2 Face — Elton John and Billy Joel Tribute

This is a one-of-a-kind concert experience that is brought to life with spot-on impersonators, with high-energy performance, flashy piano skills and the love of these two legends. Tickets are available online. The Fillmore, 820 Hamilton St., Charlotte. 8 p.m. stubhub.com.

18

qnotes

Dec. 27, 2019-Jan. 9, 2020

St Martin Episcopal Church 1510 E 7th St., Charlotte 7 p.m.

Explore the music and get to know the singers of Gay Men’s Chorus of Charlotte, no commitment, and no audition just come have fun and sing. gmccharlotte.org.

January 19: ‘Proper Pronouns’

This is a feature length documentary film by Meg Daniels that focuses on the struggles of being a transgender person and holding on to one’s faith in the South. Featuring Rev. Dawn Flynn, Rev. Mykal Shannon, Rev. Debra Hopkins and Rev. Liam Hooper. Free admission and no ticket required. New Life Metropolitan Community Church, 1201 S. New Hope Rd., Gastonia. 4 p.m. newlifemccnc.org. properpronounsfilm.com.

January 11 Out at the movies WS ‘Primos’ (Cousins)

University of North Carolina School of the Arts ACE Theatre Complex 1530 S. Main St. 7 p.m.

It’s movie night with a purpose, with free admission, hors d’oeuvres and a presentation on state of the art management for men’s health by Dr. Kyle Scarberry and Dr. Ryan Terlecki of Wake Forest Men’s health after the movie. outatthemovies.org.

January 17-18 Thorgy and the Thorchestra

Knight Theater 130 S Tryon St., Charlotte 7:30 p.m.

“Rupaul’s Drag Race” queen Thorgy Thor will be playing in Charlotte for a two-night event with the Charlotte Symphony Orchestra. Tickets start at $19. charlottesymphony.org.

January 26 Indigo Girls

McGlohon Theater at Spirit Square 345 N. College St., Charlotte 8 p.m.

Selling over 14 million records and still going strong with their 14th studio album, the Indigo Girls with special guest Sarah Shook and The Disarmers will be in Charlotte.

Tickets are available online. bit.ly/2ZcMayH.

February 29 Diana Ross

Belk Theatre 130 N Tryon St., Charlotte 8 p.m.

From music, movies, musicals, and television the iconic Ms. Diana Ross will be in Charlotte for the Diamond Diana: 75th Birthday Celebration. Tickets are available online. bit.ly/2ZcMayH.

a&e

REGULAR EVENTS Charlotte Latin Pride

Spanish-language support nights, second and fourth Tuesday of each month, 7 p.m., Charlotte Pride offices at Holy Trinity Lutheran Church, 1900 The Plaza, Charlotte. info: charlottepride.org/latin/

PFLAG Charlotte

Support meetings, second Monday of each month, 6:30-8 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: pflagcharlotte.org

Prime Timers

Monthly meeting including dinner, speaker, games and more for gay men ages 21 and up, 5-7 p.m., Park Road Baptist Church Fellowship Hall, 3900 Park Rd., Charlotte. info: primetimersww.com/charlotte/

Transcend Charlotte

Support groups for partners, friends and family of transgender and gender non-conforming adults ages 18 and older, second and fourth Sundays of each month, 6-7 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte.

Prior to each meeting an anxiety support group is offered 5-6 p.m. info: transcendcharlotte.org

Youth Drop-In Space

Drop-in space Monday-Friday, 3-6:30 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

Youth Discussion Group

Weekly discussion groups for LGBTQ youth ages 13-20 each Wednesday, 6:308:30 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

Youth of Color Group

Weekly discussion groups for LGBTQ and ally people of color each Thursday, 7-8:30 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

UPDATES/ADDITIONS?

Do you have a regular and reoccurring community event you’d like listed? A listing to update? Email us at editor@ goqnotes.com.

‘Me’

Out in Print BY terri schlichenmeyer | CONTRIBUTING WRITER “Me”

by Elton John ©2019, Henry Holt $30.00 375 pages

N

obody said it would be easy.

You have your eyes set on something but doing it will take time, sacrifice, and effort. You’ll get things right, but you’ll also get in your own way before you get to where you want to be. If you don’t believe that, then read “Me”

by Elton John.

On and off through most of his life, Elton John had a tumultuous relationship with his mother. She was sometimes angry, sometimes abusive, rarely loving, but she did one important thing for him: she introduced him to Elvis Presley music.

Though John says he’d wanted to be a musician since he was very small, the 78 RPM his “mum” brought home opened a window for a huge record collection, a passion for seeing live music and a dream of playing in a band onstage. Soon, he was gigging with regional bands and accidentally meeting people who would help his career.

At 19, he was still a virgin, still naïve about being gay and rather blithe about his natural ability to write music.

That was okay, though; he’d met Bernie Taupin, who wrote lyrics over breakfast and together, they’d pen hits by lunchtime.

At 22, John had fallen in love with a man, was no longer a virgin, and “things [professionally] were starting to move, very gradually.”

Just one year later, he performed for the first time in America.

Through his early career, stardom gave John a delightful platter of surprises and he seized most everything that came his way: singers he admired praised him, famous people he’d watched wanted to meet him. He later hobnobbed with royalty, both the music kind and the Buckingham Palace kind. He fell in love, married, divorced and fell into an obsession over something that made his life so, so much harder…

There is a certain aura surrounding the first third of “Me,” and it’ll charm the socks off you: author Elton John writes about his childhood, quickly, before he leaps into the bits about his early career with a sense of wide-eyed awe at what life had just handed him.

If he’d said “Gee whiz!” even once, you’d understand.

Alas, after the kid-in-acandy-store naiveté evaporates and his career takes off, John’s account of his young-manhood seems jaded; he says he was “exhausted” by constant work and pressures, and the second third of his book shows that in the voice readers see. Here — in the stories of parties, recording sessions, and industry goings-on — the tale starts to slip into that which plagues so many star biographies: name-dropping and seemingly unnecessary sameness. It would mar the book, were it not for the sense of droll humor that John continues to pack around his anecdotes.

By the final third of this book, we get a settled John who’s clean, happier, less frenetic but still funny. Here’s where readers reach what is likely familiar, as though we’ve read this book before. But, of course, you haven’t because “Me” is John’s first and only autobiography and enjoying it is easy. : :

Dec. 27, 2019-Jan. 9, 202

qnotes

19

20

qnotes

Dec. 27, 2019-Jan. 9, 2020