editors’ note This year Quarto is green in four ways: First, we are proud to say that the words you're reading were printed with soybased inks on 100% recycled paper at a press that runs on 100% renewable energy. Most of the money we needed to accomplish this–because going green requires green–was raised at an all-night dance-party fundraiser, where many people got !"#$%!&'()"&$#!%*%'(+,%(,)%(-*).!/(0!(#1*"2(#1!.!(3!4$5&!(61$&*"#1%,6$.#.7(8*'(',)%( energy also be renewable. (((((9!-,":;($#($.(<$#1(8*4$8)8(!-.#*#$-$.8(#1*#(<!(*"",)"-!(,)%(6*%#$-$6*#$,"( in a budding inter-collegiate literary consortium. What this means is that we have .!&!-#!:(.,8!(,+ (,)%(="!.#(<%$#$">(#,(5!(6)5&$.1!:($"(#1!(="!(8*>*?$"!.(,+ (,#1!%( ="!()"$@!%.$#$!.;(*":(#1*#(#1!'(1*@!(.!&!-#!:(.,8!(,+ (#1!$%.(+,%()./(A1!(5,,2(',)( <$&&(=":($"(#1!(5*-2(,+ (#1$.(8*>*?$"!($"-&):!.(<%$#$">(+%,8(B*85%$:>!(C"$@!%sity's The Hill Magazine;(D,1".(E,62$".(C"$@!%.$#'F.(J Magazine;(C"$@!%.$#'(,+ (B1$cago's Sliced Bread;(*":(C"$@!%.$#'(,+ (A!4*.F(Analecta/(0!(-,)&:(",#(5!(8,%!(!4-$#!:( to read the work of writers from other programs and to broaden the readership of our own. !!!!!Third, for this year's staff we devised an application process for both new and returning members. This invention was a result of an overwhelming amount of &,@!&'(6!,6&!(<1,(<*"#!:(#,(<,%2(,"(#1!(8*>*?$"!;(*(G+,%#)"*#!H(6%,5&!8(#1*#( we did not have last year. Though we regret having to turn so many people away, *.(#1!(6%,8,#$,"(,+ (B,&)85$*I.(&$#!%*%'(-,88)"$#'($.(,"!(,+ (,)%(1$>1!.#(6%$,%$ties, we believe that the selection process divined a most whip-smart and endlessly -%!*#$@!(#!*8(,+ (!:$#,%./(0!(1,6!("!4#('!*%F.(.#*++ (<$&&(-,"#$")!(#,(J)!.#$,"(,)%( methods. (((((K":(="*&&';(*&&(,+ (#1!(<%$#$">(1!%!($.(#1!(+%!.1!.#(*":("!<!.#()":!%>%*:)*#!(<%$#ing. We hope you enjoy reading, feeling, touching, licking and loving this volume of Quarto as much as we loved creating it. We are proud and honored to have the opportunity to publish such high quality prose and poetry from such brilliant writ!%.(<1,.!(<,%:.(<!(<$&&(=>1#(+,%(*":(5!&$!@!($"(*&<*'./ L,&&'(L,%>*"(*":(B*.!'(M&*-2 N4!-)#$@!(N:$#,%.;(OPPQROPSP
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Quarto
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Accepts submissions of poetry and prose. Send work to quarto@columbia.edu Questions and correspondence to: !4!-/J)*%#,Z>8*$&/-,8 [(OPSP(5'(\)*%#,(U$#!%*%'(L*>*?$"! All rights are reserved and revert to authors and artists upon publication.
table of contents Rebecca Taylor(](^*>(M*5'(M&)!.(G_H( Erica Weaver(](`!-,".#%)-#$">(*(A)%#&!(GaH Fu Yitian(](b*&&$">(K-#$,"(GcH Glenn Hills(](d!.#(N>>(GQH Nic Sanz-Gould(](A,(#1!(b*%8!%I.(`*)>1#!%(GScH Alice Wade(](Y$%*"1*(GSeH Rebecca Taylor(](f!&&,<(`,>(GSgH Liam Carney â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Something About #1!(A%*".$#$,"(+%,8(d!-2(#,(M%!*.#( A1*#(l--)%.(*#(#1!(B&*@$-&!(GOSH Dalton LaBarge(](b%,8(*(Y!%@'(M)%!*)(,+ ( Y$%*#!:(A1$">.7(d,#!(+,%(L*%$.2*(E*%>*#*';( L'(Y,.#RK6,-*&'6#$-(Y%$"-!..(GOOH Joseph Cassera(](A1!(M%)#*&( 9!8*"#$-.(,+ (N'!5%,<(A1%!*:$">(GOaH Will Bunch(](01*#I.(L'(d*8!h(G_OH Joel Ramirez(](0*%(^*55$#(G_iH Dalton LaBarge(](N46!-#*#$,".7( 9,%%'(+,%(M!$">(d,(9*-*j*<!*(G_cH Henry Ring(](B,&,%(k)*%:(G_eH Erica Weaver ](^,&!6&*'$">(N:$#1(E*8$&#,"(GiPH Rebecca Taylor(](`$%!-#$,".(GiSH
r a g
B a b y
B l u e s Rebecca Taylor
When Mama sings, my rag-baby dances. She dances in fits and starts. She writhes up the curtains and climbs the walls, throws rag-baby voodoo in my eyes. When Mama sings, she resounds like a car engine. Her eyes shut half way and roll back. She clutches her breast, unhinges her jaw, and retches a hurt song out. When she sings, the dogs slink under the house, rise up from the floorboards in sorrowful <1$"!./(A1!'(-%'(<$#1(1!%;(#1!'(1*%8,"$?!/(A1!(.-%!!"(:,,%(.<$">.(,)#;(.<$">.(5*-2/( L,%"$">;(#1!(.6$%$#(!4$#.(#1!(1,).!/(L*8*(.#,6.(.$">$">;(%!R1$">!.(1!%(8,)#1/(91!(+*&&.( fast asleep, and the dogs crawl out, their tongues frothing and thirsty. Mama, wake up and sing again. Teach me to unhinge my jaw, to retch out a hurt song, sing the rag-baby blues. Teach me to sing like you.
_
d e c o n s t r u c t i n g a t u r t l e E r i c a We a ve r
I pulled a question mark from the circles on the shell of the turtle; it was looped in tightly—like taffy, it stretched slowly out, and I rolled it back and forth over the back of the turtle, bashed out the kinks, made it *&&(!4-&*8*#$,"(*":(.!#($#(5!.$:!(*(+,%2(*":(.6,,"/ The circles themselves I lifted like full plates before sliding a palm beneath the shadow of the folds of his neck, slid darkness from skin on skin, said bruise & wrapped it around you— a bib for your slovenly dribble. l1;(1!%8$#;(8$.!%m*&<*'.(8)"-1$">($"(#1!(-,"="!.( of your own home, with its long tongue loneliness licks your supper crumbs, and does your own shell close in on you, 8'(5%$"!R-,@!%!:;(.*&#R5*-2!:(,&:(8*"h I wipe the spectacles of your beaked eyes, slip the kerchief under your shell ( ( ,"($#.(-,%"!%7(8'($"$#$*&.($"(5%,<"(3,..; *":(.,+#(#)%#&!(5!&&$!.(=&&(#1!(.",#>%!!"(,-!*"( like whale mouths as at last I scoop you from your backside *":(3,*#(',);(+,%!$>"!%m.1!&&R&!..m from your own home, on the pebbled shore wonder if turtles make sounds, in wintertime whether their emptiness begins to rattle— if they are, in some parts, hollow a
when—heels lifted—you tiptoe to the sink at midnight wanting only a glass of water and to smooth out the black sandbags of your eyes, no longer remembering when tea-colored spots %,.!(,"(',)%(5*-2n(<1*#(',)().!:(#,(:!="!(*.(,&:n who you when younger wanted to have been by now— you humpbacked snapper, and I watch you cross the street knobby-kneed with veined hands shaking in the morning when buttoning shirtsleeves. I am beginning to see them everywhere— &,&&$">(*&<*'.;(*#(>*#1!%$">.(*":($"(#1!(5%!!?!.7 turtle feet squelching one by one through the muck.
i
f a l l i n g
a c t i o n Fu Yitian
W"(OPPc;(*(>%,)6(,+ (&,-*&(*%#$.#.(.#*%#!:(*(6%,j!-#(-*&&!:(o`!#%,$#/(`!8,&$#$,"/( `$."!'&*":/p( U*#!%;( #1!'( %!"*8!:( #1!8.!&@!.( ol5j!-#( l%*">!/p(A1!'(<!"#(,"&'(5'(#1!$%(=%.#("*8!.;(*":(6*$"#!:(*(5%$>1#;(*%%!.#ing orange onto many of the abandoned and decaying buildings littered *5,)#(*(-$#'(,"($#.(:!*#1(#1%,!./(01'h(#1!'(<!%!(*.2!:/(Y!,6&!(5!-*8!( 5&$":;( #1!'( *".<!%!:/(K%!(',)( @*":*&.h(#1!'(<!%!( *.2!:/(l)%(6*%#($.( .#*%#$">( -,"@!%.*#$,".;( #1!'( *".<!%!:/( 01*#( :,!.( ,%*">!( %!6%!.!"#h( they were asked. Whatever you believe it represents, they answered. ! Throughout the Vietnam War, orange rained from American helicopters for nine years, chemical weapons that melted the dense jungle foli*>!( 5&*"2!#$">( #1!( -,)"#%'/( B%,6.( <!%!( 6,$.,"!:;( 1$:$">( "!.#.( <!%!( %*?!:;(*":(#1!(!"!8'(<*.(#!86,%*%$&'(:%$@!"(,)#;(.-)%%'$">(&$2!(*"#.( <1,(2"!<(1,<(#,(+!.#!%(!&.!<1!%!/(b,%(#1!("!4#(#1%!!(:!-*:!.;(<1!"( certain Vietnamese infants were born, their parents would note that they closely resembled abominations of nature. ! A1!(B1$"!.!(>%,-!%'(.#,%!(1*":.(,)#(*"(,%*">!(-*&!":*%(#,(*"'(-).#,8!%(<1,(.6!":.(8,%!(#1*"(=+#'(:,&&*%./(M'(#1!(?,:$*-;(OPSP($.(#1!( Year of the Tiger, and metal is the elemental sign associated with this particular cycle. In mythology, metal is the state in which matter de-&$"!.;(*(8*%2(,+ (:*%2"!../(K66%,6%$*#!&';(#1!(=%.#(6*>!(,+ (#1!(-*&!":*%( :!.-%$5!.(#1!(o6%,.6!-#(,+ (#1!('!*%;p(*":(.#*#!.(',)(.1,)&:(!46!-#(*( black tiger to be in your way. This means that misfortune will be more than auspicious, and not only should you avoid funeral matters, but you <$&&(1*@!(="*"-$*&(&,..(*":(',)%(!"!%>'(<$&&(5!(!41*).#!:/(f,)(<$&&(.$"2( ,%(!8!%>!()".#!*:$&'/(A1$">.(<$&&(",#(>,(*.(',)(<$.1/(M)#;(#1!(-*&!":*%( consoles, if you wear a piece of jade with a dragon shape on it, misfortune will turn to luck, and bad things into good. ! c
9*"(b%*"-$.-,I.(&)85!%$">(,%*">!(5%$:>!($.(,"!(,+ (#1!(8,.#(!++!-#$@!( 8!*".(,+ (.)$-$:!($"(#1!(-,)"#%'/(W+ (#1!(#<!"#'(.#,%'(j)86(:,!."I#(2$&&;( the suffocating waters beneath will bring death by drowning or hypo#1!%8$*/( Qgq( 8,%#*&$#'( %*#!/( l"!( 6!%.,"( #)85&!.( !@!%'( #<,( <!!2.;( *5,)#(_P(*('!*%/(9$"-!(SQ_e;(#1!%!(1*@!(5!!"(,"&'(Oc(2",<"(.)%@$@,%.;( *5,)#(,"!()"&)-2'(6!%.,"(!@!%'(#1%!!('!*%./(C"&)-2'(5!-*).!(.)%@$@$">( a fall guarantees shattered vertebrae, an inability to walk, and an invisible &!##!%(oWp(5%*":!:(#,(#1!(-1!.#;(.#*":$">(+,%($"-,86!#!"-!;($"*:!J)*-';( $86!%+!-#$,"/(U*.#('!*%;(#1!(5%$:>!I.(5,*%:(,+ (:$%!-#,%.(@,#!:(#,($".#*&&( *(6&*.#$-R-,@!%!:(.#*$"&!..(.#!!&("!#(5!&,<;(<1$-1(<,)&:(!4#!":(#<!"#'( feet on both sides of the bridge to catch all the suicides-to-be. Since it <,)&:(-,.#(iP(8$&&$,"(:,&&*%.(#,(-,86&!#!;(#1!("!#($.(-)%%!"#&'(:!&*'!:( +%,8(*(:!*%#1(,+ (+)":$">/(A1!(@,#!(+,%(#1!(6%,6,.*&(<*.(Sa(#,(S;(<1$-1( meant that only a single person had the mercy to know that the truly hopeless should not be dissuaded from the few cures that work. ! l%*">!($.(1*%:(#,(8$..;(5)#(.1!(:,!.(*"'<*';(*":(%)".(,@!%(.$4(#%*+=-( -,"!.( 5'( *--$:!"#/( 01!"( #1!( -*%( .#,6.;( .1!( *6,&,>$?!.( $"( .6)##!%$">( N">&$.1;(5)#(#1!(8*"(+%,8(#1!(`LT($"(#1!(.!*#("!4#(#,(1!%(.#*'.(.$&!"#;( +%,<".;(#*2!.(,)#(1$.(-&$65,*%:(#,(<%$#!(*(.,&$#*%'(oVp($"(*(.!*(,+ (-1!-28*%2.;(*":(#1!"(-$%-&!.(#1!(<,%:(o+*$&/p(d!4#(<!!2;(.1!(-,8!.(*>*$";( 1!%(+,)%#1(#$8!/(K#(Q*8;(#1!(:,,%.(,6!"(*":(_e(6!,6&!(!"#!%;(<$#1(_P( more dripping in per hour. Some sit down, and when the seats quickly run out, others stand and lean against the barren gray walls, waiting in *(%,,8(!86#'(,+ (!@!%'#1$">(!4-!6#(*(&*%>!(8!-1*"$-*&(-,)"#!%(1*">ing from the ceiling, its glaring red numbers proclaiming whose turn it is, the only numbers in the room, because either there is no clock, or #1!%!($.(*(-&,-2(5)#($#(1*.(5!!"(1$::!"(.,8!6&*-!(",(,"!(-*"(.!!/(M)#( the driving tests do not start until noon, and each hour the woman <*$#.(#,:*'($.(<,%#1(=@!(:,&&*%.(*":(=+#'(-!"#./(W+ (.1!(+*$&.(*>*$";(.1!( will endure seven more days of driving in a fright, head on a swivel for police cars lurking around the corners. If she fails two more times, her 6*..$">(.-,%!(,"(#1!(<%$##!"(!4*8(<$&&(1*@!(!46$%!:;(*":(.1!(<$&&(.6!":( !@!"(8,%!("$>1#.(<!*%$&'(8!8,%$?$">(.!"#!"-!.($"(*(&*">)*>!(.1!(1*.( barely mastered. ! e
T-I-double-guh-err. What Tiggers do best is bouncing. When they blur orange, rabbits, bears, kangaroos, gophers and donkeys cannot help but +*&&(5*-2<*%:/(M)#($+ (*"(*:)&#(&,,2.(*#(1$8;(1!(<$&&(-!*.!(#,(!4$.#;(#)%"$">( into a lifeless collection of sawdust and cloth. During spring cleaning, *(#1$%#'('!*%R,&:(B1%$.#,61!%(^,5$"(=":.(#1!(5,4(-,"#*$"$">(1$.(-1$&:1,,:( #,'.( $"( #1!( *##$-;( 5)#( 1!( %!*&$?!.( #1*#( 1!( 1*.( +,%>,##!"( *&&( #1!$%( names. ! N@!%',"!(<*#-1!:/(b,%(=@!(:*'.(*":(+,)%("$>1#.(*(6%,-!..$,"(,+ (*%.,"( =%!.(!">)&+!:(`!#%,$#7(#!"(#1,).*":(,%*">!(5&,#-1!.(*-%,..(#1!(3*"2(,+ ( a sky already smothered by industrial blight. The rioters seethed out of nowhere, or, at least, were unnoticeable until they began to swarm. All #1!$%(!+=>$!.(-*8!(6%!R5)$&#/(A1!'(+)!&!:(#1!$%(-,"3*>%*#$,".(<$#1(#1!( decaying hulks of abandoned buildings and ruined cars that had taken *(1,&:(,+ (#1!(-$#'/(A1!(J)!.#$,";(01*#(:$:(#1!'(<*"#h(<*.(",#(*.2!:/( W"(:$.>).#;(C/9/(%!6%!.!"#*#$@!(D,1"(B,"'!%.(G`RL$-1$>*"H(<,)&:(#!&&(*( %!6,%#!%;(of,)(#%'(#,(#*&2(#,(#1,.!(6!,6&!(*":(#1!'I&&(2",-2(',)($"#,(#1!( 8$::&!(,+ ("!4#('!*%/p(l"(#1!(.!-,":(:*';(*+#!%(#1!(L$-1$>*"(d*#$,"*&( k)*%:(.!"#($"(#,(-,"#*$"(#1!(%$,#.(+*$&!:;(Y%!.$:!"#(U'":,"(M/(D,1".,"( $88!:$*#!&'(*)#1,%$?!:(#1!().!(,+ (+!:!%*&(#%,,6.;(*":(a;ePP(6*%*#%,,6!%.(+%,8(#1!(gO":(K$%5,%"!(<!%!(:$.6*#-1!:/(M)#(!@!"(<$#1(#*"2.(*":( *)#,8*#$-(%$3!.;($#(#,,2(#1!(*%8'(#1%!!(8,%!(:*'.(5!+,%!(`!#%,$#(-,)&:( be considered contained by what the congressional report after the fact <,)&:(:!.-%$5!(*.(o&*<(*":(,%:!%/p(`!-*:!.(&*#!%;(*(.,&:$!%(<,)&:(<%$#!( $"(1$.(8!8,$%.(*5,)#(1,<;(,"(1$.(3$>1#(-%,..$">(,@!%(#1!(-$#';(#1!(%,,+.( ,+ (#1!(5)%"$">(5)$&:$">.(5!"!*#1(1$8(<!%!(3$-2!%$">(+%,8(,%*">!(#,( 5&*-2(#,(,%*">!;(&,">(.1,%#(&,">;(*.($+ (#1!'(<!%!(*&&(3*.1$">(#1!(!4*-#( .*8!( 8!..*>!( $"( *( o#!&!>%*61$-( -,:!( #1*#( ",( ,"!( !&.!( -,)&:( )":!%stand.â&#x20AC;?
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My name is Tillamook Sloan Montgomery and I am a third grader at Toggenburger Elementaryâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;â&#x20AC;&#x201C;the most technologically ad@*"-!:(!&!8!"#*%'(.-1,,&($"(#1!(!"#$%!(<,%&:/(M!#<!!"(8'(6!%.,"*&( *":( .-1,,&( *++*$%.( W( %!-!$@!( *&8,.#( iP( !8*$&.( *( :*';( 5)#( <1!"( 8'( :!*&$">.( -%*.1!:( &*.#( +*&&( W( 6%,-!..!:( OPP( $"( ,"!( :*'/( N@!%'#1$">( crashed because I convinced my classmates that their Toggenburger #,2!!.(<!%!(.*+!($"(8'(6,..!..$,";(#1*#(+,%(!@!%'(=@!(#,2!!.(#1!'( >*@!(8!(W(<,)&:(>$@!(#1!8(.$4(*(8,"#1(&*#!%/(W+ (#1!'(>*@!(8!(SP( #1!'I:(%!-!$@!(SO(*":(.,(,"/( ((((((A,2$(8!*".(#$8!($"(D*6*"!.!/(l)%(.-1,,&I.(8,.#($"@,&@!:(WA( >)'.(*%!(D*6*"!.!;(*":(#1!'I@!(5!!"(<,%2$">(,"(#1$.(A,>>!"5)%>!%( A,2$(B)%%!"-'(9'.#!8(+,%(*(@!%'(&,">(#$8!/(N@!"(,"!(#,2$($.(1*%:( #,(-,8!(5'/(b,%($86!--*5&!(*-*:!8$-(6!%+,%8*"-!;(&*.#('!*%I.(#1$%:( >%*:!(#!*-1!%(>*@!(ce(#,2!!.(#,(1$.(-&*..(,+ (O_(#1%,)>1,)#(#1!('!*%/( f,)(-*"(5)'(*"'#1$">(<$#1(!",)>1(#,2!!.7(&)"-1(G,"!(#,2$;(<1$-1($.( *(%$6,++H;(+%!!:,8(+%,8(.).6!".$,"(G#1%!!(6!%(:*'H;(!@!"().!(#1!8( #,(5!##!%(',)%(#!.#(>%*:!.(G6%$-!($.(*"",)"-!:(5!+,%!(#1!(#!.#H/(f,)( can make a lot of friends with tokees. My teacher is also Japanese *":(1!%("*8!($.(L$..(l2*8,#,/(l"(8'(=%.#(:*'(*#(AN(.1!(.!#()6(8'( school-issued phone, the Toggenburger EEtoki, and wirelessly sent 8!(#<,(#,2!!.(#,(>!#(8!(.#*%#!:/(91!(!46&*$"!:(#1*#(NN#,2$(8!*".( good time in Japanese when you say it out loud. My mom was there with tears in her eyes because she was so impressed with the technology. You are going to live a wildly abundant life, she told me. That day, as I browsed the Toggenburger student blogs on my EEtoki, I learned that some of the kids have many more tokees than others. They were smarter, too. Some of the kids spent their .)88!%.($"(9<$#?!%&*":(#,(&!*%"(*5,)#(6*%#$-&!(*--!&!%*#,%./(A1!.!( kids went to TE for kindergarten, so they had been collecting tokees and knowledge for years. I had a lot of tokees to earn. Q
I had a tough time catching up. During week two some of the %,<:$!%(5,'.(#1%!*#!"!:(#,(5!*#(8!()6($+ (W(:$:"I#(#%*".+!%(8'(#,2!!.( #,( ^,&+ ( `*&&!"<$&&!%I.( NN#,2$/( L$..( l2*8,#,( %!>)&*#!:;( #1,)>1;( *":(8*:!(^,&+ (%!#)%"(#1!8/(U*#!%;(L*44(M!!&!%(1!&:(8!(5'(#1!(&!>.( ,@!%(#1!(#,$&!#(*":(.*$:(1!I:(3).1(8!(*":(8'(NN#,2$($+ (W(:$:"I#(.!":( him my three right away. When Miss Okamoto learned about this she really helped me big time. She set up a secret account so that I could store my tokees without anybody knowing it. She also said I could call her Okamoto san when none of the other students were around. Things really started going well with my friends after Miss Okamoto set up that secret account. I changed my password to WU,@!A,2!!./( W( *.2!:( M$&&'( 91!@%,@$-1;( 8'( 5!.#( +%$!":( G<1,( 1*:( .!@!"( #,2!!.]]%!.6!-#*5&!H( #,( &!":( 8!( #<,( $+ ( W( 6%,8$.!:( #,( >$@!( him three on Halloween. I needed two more right away to turn my BR>%*:!:(*:@*"-!:(:$@$.$,"(#!.#($"#,(*"(K/(A1!(6%$-!(<*.(#<,(#,2!!.( +,%(!*-1(&!##!%(>%*:!;(*(+*$%(6%$-!($"(8'(,6$"$,"/(W(#,&:(M$&&'(WI:(6*'( 1$8(,"(E*&&,<!!";(<1!"(#,2!!.(*%!(!4-!6#$,"*&&'($86,%#*"#/(f,)( can get loads of candy with one toki during trading hour in the audi#,%$)8/(K66*%!"#&'(M$&&'(1*:(!",)>1(#,2!!.(,"(E*&&,<!!"]]<1!"( I gave him three he said to do it again and gave them right back to me. He plays hockey with Shiru and Yami and they each gave me =@!(#,2!!./(M'(A1*"2.>$@$">(8'(.!-%!#(*--,)"#(1*:(#1$%#!!"(#,2!!.( and I transferred one to my regular account. It was easy. Easy peasy. Tokees came in and tokees went out. It was a game of feeders and leeches, very much like uploading and downloading video games illegally. All I had to do was oversee the nest egg, which held the tokees of my dearest friends and some of their friends, too. A nest egg is a dedicated solid-state memory chip on the motherboard of ,)%(NN#,2!!./(A1%!!(8,"#1.(5!+,%!(#1*#(W(:$:"I#(!@!"(2",<(<1*#(*( nest egg wasâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;â&#x20AC;&#x201C;I had progressed by light years. The Toggenburger Toki Anthem was the only ringtone available on our EEtokees and it annoyed everyone. So after Thanksgiving the principal announced a contest. Since Toggenburger Elementary !"-,)%*>!.($"#!".$@!(WA(!8!%.$,";(1!(.*$:(#1*#(#1!(=%.#(6!%.,"(#,( :!@!&,6(*(6*#-1(#,(,@!%%$:!(#1!(NN#,2$(%$">#,"!(<,)&:(<$"(.$4(#,10
kees. It was my chance to up my nest egg in a major way. I knew what I needed to do. During class I tested patches while the other students took notes on their EEtokees. I won the contest and the tokees in four days. The following week, after our phones were updated, we discov!%!:(#1*#(8'(6*#-1(1*:(*"(!%%,%(#1*#(W(:$:"I#(2",<(*5,)#(*":($#(1*:( to do with our nest eggs. Although our tokees were safe, the toki -,)"#( %!*:( ?!%,( *+#!%( ,)%( 61,"!.( %*">/( f,)( -,)&:( !8*$&( A,>>!"burger tech support to reset the nest egg, but kids were edgy. Shiru <*"#!:(8!(#,(6*'(1$8(*":(.!"#(8!(*(@!%'("!%@,).(#!4#/ (((((6K(8!(",<h()(<!%(O(6K(8!(SOA.;(5)#()(-*"(j).#(6K(8!(SSA./( Nr(Yrh (((((N@!"(>$@$">(#!"(#,(91$%)(<,)&:"I#(1*@!(5!!"(!*.'(6!*.'/(M$&&'( and Yami also wanted their tokees. I started to feel like a failure, as 8'(:*:(-*&&.(1$8.!&+ (.,8!#$8!./(L'(6*#-1(<*.(3*<!:(*":(8'(#,2$R 5)$&:$">(6&*"(<*."I#(*.(+,,&6%,,+ (*.(W(*"#$-$6*#!:/(W("!!:!:(#,2!!.( fast before the whole thing blew up. (((((A1!("!4#(:*'(8'(-&*..(<*.(>!##$">(%!*:'(+,%(8,%"$">(%!-!..(<1!"( L*44(M!!&!%(*.2!:(M$&&'(*":(8!($+ (<!(<*"#!:(#,(6&*'(+,,#5*&&(<$#1( his friends. Instead of beating the crap out of us the traditional way G8'(5,#-1!:(6*#-1(6%,5*5&'(8,#$@*#!:(1$8H;($#(*66!*%!:(*.(#1,)>1( 1!(<*"#!:(#,(.8!*%().(,"(#1!(+,,#5*&&(=!&:($".#!*:/(N@!%',"!(>*#1!%!:(*%,)":(*":(<*$#!:(+,%(M$&&'(*":(8!(#,(*".<!%/(N@!"(l2*8,#,( .*"(<*$#!:/(f!.;(W(.*$:;(&!#I.(6&*'(+,,#5*&&/(l"(,)%(<*'(,)#(#,(#1!(=!&:( M$&&'( *.2!:( 8!( <1*#( #1!( -%*6( W( <*.( #1$"2$">( *":( W( .*$:( <!( -,)&:( 6*'(L*44(M!!&!%(<$#1(#,2!!.(#,(&!#().(<$"/(E!(.*$:(W(<*.(-%*?'(*":( #1*#( L*44( <,)&:( #!&&( L$..( l2*8,#,/( W( .*$:( <!I:( >$@!( L*44( .,8!( #,2!!.(%$>1#(*<*';(6%,5*5&'(.$4]]#1%!!(!*-1(+%,8(M$&&'(*":(8!/(E!( .*$:(WI:(1*@!(#,(6*'(*&&(,+ ($#/(b$"!]]$#(<*.(<,%#1($#(#,(<$"(*(>*8!( *>*$".#(L*44(M!!&!%/(l@!%(*":(,@!%(W(%!8$":!:(M$&&'(#1*#(,)%(#,2!!.( were safe. Everyone in the class and even Okamoto san followed us #,(#1!(.,--!%(=!&:(<1!%!(<!(6&*'!:(+,,#5*&&/(W(-*&&!:(#$8!(,)#(#1!( $".#*"#(L*44(.*-2!:(8!;(8!#(<$#1(1$8;(*":(-,"=:!"#&'(!46&*$"!:( 8'( <1,&!( ,6!%*#$,"/( Y%,@!( $#;( 1!( .*$:;( .,( W( 5&$66!:( .$4( #,2!!.( #,( his phone. He said awesome man and right away he was easier on )./(E!(+*2!:(.,8!(#%$6.(*":(M$&&'(*":(W(<,"(#1!(>*8!(OSRe/(W(%*"( 11
*%,)":(#1!(.$:!&$"!.(*":(<*@!:(8'(*%8.($"(#1!(!4*-#(.*8!(<*'(L*::!"( dbU( 6&*'!%.( -!&!5%*#!( $"( #1!( !":( ?,"!/( s$:.( #1*#( "!@!%( !@!"( &$2!:(8!(5!+,%!(<!%!(>$@$">(8!(1$>1R=@!.(*":(W($88!:$*#!&'(.#*%#!:( #,(-,".$:!%(!46*":$">(8'(,6!%*#$,";(5%$">$">($"("!<(+!!:!%./(WI@!( -,".#%)-#!:(*(.'.#!8(#1*#(6%,:)-!.(#!%%$=-(%!#)%".(,"(#,2!!.;(W(.*$:/( `)%$">(#1!(%!8*$":!%(,+ (#1!(%!-!..(W(-,&&!-#!:(_i(#,2!!.(+%,8(.!@!"( 6!,6&!/(0$#1(#1*#(W(6*$:(M$&&';(f*8$;(*":(91$%)/( (((((W(<*.(8!"#*&&'(-,)"#$">(#,2!!.(*#(5%!*2+*.#(#1!("!4#(8,%"$">( <1!"(8'(8,8(#,&:(8!(W(<*."I#(>,$">(#,(.-1,,&/(W(.*$:(",(<*'/(W#( was Son and Mother Day––salon day, she said. She had a big date <$#1(8'(:*:(#1*#("$>1#/(E)>!/(W(5!>>!:/(W(-%$!:/(b$"!;(.1!(.*$:;(:,"I#( support your mother. She was going to prepare all day at the salon. In ultimate leisure, she said, with her brilliant and precious son. She <*.(>,$">(#,(&,,2(5!*)#$+)&/(9*&,"(:*'(8!*"#(<!I:(>,(#,(B,"%*:(`;( ,"!(,+ (#1!(8*"'(.#)6$:(.*&,".(,<"!:(5'(^,&+ (`*&&!"<$&&!%I.(:*:/(W( %!*&&'(:$:"I#(<*"#(#,(>,;(W(.*$:/(91!(-*8!(,"!(5&,-2(*<*'(+%,8(:%,6ping me off at school, but u-turned and drove us straight to the salon. We got haircuts, massages, and a fancy lunch. Emails from 8'( "!<( +!!:!%.( 2!6#( 6$&$">( )6( ,"( 8'( NN#,2!!( *":( #1!%!( <*."I#( anything I could do. It was all horrible. (((((E!%(1*$%-)#(#,,2(*"(1,)%(&,">!%(#1*"(8$"!;(.,(W(="*&&'(1*:(*( -1*"-!(#,(#*2!(-*%!(,+ (.,8!(5).$"!..(8*##!%./(W(<%,#!(M$&&'I.(6%,jected toki report. He wanted back in. So did Yami and Shiru. I was :%$66$">(#,2!!./(M!+,%!($#(.!"#(W(1!*%:(8'(8,8(-%'$">;(.,(W(<*&2!:( ,@!%(#,(#1!(+%,"#(:!.2(#,(&!*%"(#1*#(,)%(-%!:$#(-*%:(<*.(8*4!:(,)#/( 9,55$">;( .1!( #,&:( #1!( >)'( <1,( <*.( ,5@$,).&'( ^,&+ I.( 1$>1( .-1,,&( 5%,#1!%(#,(.<$6!($#(*>*$"/(E!(:$:"I#(.!!8(5,#1!%!:(,%(*"'#1$">;(5)#( my mom was a mess. Rightfully so––my dad told us this day would come. ((((((E!(#,&:().($"(9!6#!85!%(#1*#(<!I:(&,.!(,)%(-*%.;(,)%(1,).!(*":( our entire lives if we kept spending money the way we did. Mom .*$:(W(<*."I#(&!*@$">(A,>>!"5)%>!%;(#1*#(W(<,)&:(&$@!(*(<$&:&'(*5)"dant life and that school would make it happen. He left us after that, and started seeing Miss Okamoto and sometimes my mom. The thing with Miss Okamoto, or Okamoto san––I have a hard time -*&&$">(1!%(#1*#(",<]]:,!."I#(.!!8(*.(<!$%:(*.($#(6%,5*5&'(.1,)&:/( SO
My dad started picking me up from school and they met that way. f,)(-*"(#!&&(.1!(&$2!.(1$8/(A1!'(.#*'(*#(#1!(^*:$..,"(#,>!#1!%/(M)#( W(-*"I#(#!&&(*"'5,:'(5!-*).!(:*:(.*$:(1!I:(6)&&(8!(,)#(,+ (A,>>!"5)%>!%($+ (W(:$:/(K":(W(:,"I#(+!!&(-&,.!(!",)>1(#,(*"',"!(#,(#!&&(#1!8( #1*#( *"'<*'.;( !4-!6#( 8*'5!( #,<*%:.( 8'( 8,8( .,8!#$8!.;( 5)#( ,+ ( -,)%.!(W(-*"I#(#!&&(1!%/ Still crying, mom asked for my EEtoki because her phone had been shut off. She called my dad and I could hear his yelling. Their :*#!( <*.( ,++/( f,)( -,)&:( #!&&( ^,&+ I.( 5%,#1!%( <*"#!:( #,( .8$&!;( #,,;( #1*#(5*.#*%:/(L'(!*%.(<!%!(<*%8!%(#1*"(8'(NN#,2$/(A1!"(B,"%*:( D himself came downstairs and said we could pay him later, but my 8,8(%!+).!:/(01$&!(.1!(*":(B,"%*:(`(!4-1*">!:(%!+).*&.(G#1$">.( &$2!7(W(<,"I#(&!#(',)(:,(#1$.;(W(<,"I#(&!#(',)(:,(#1$.H;(#1!(,&:!%(5%,#1!%( .*$:(1!(<,)&:"I#(#!&&(*"'5,:'(*5,)#(8'(6,,%(*..(+*8$&'($+ (W(>*@!(1$8( #!"(#,2!!./(A1!'I%!(6%$?!:(*#(A,>>!"5)%>!%(E$>1;(#,,;(8*'5!(!@!"( more than at my school. After my stupid hot massage and my crying mom I felt like my chest was falling. In a way I always felt like this at school, a pressure to give people what they want, give kids tokees, make my stay at TE worth it to my parents. I said okay. (((((l"!(8,"#1(&*#!%;(#1!(:*'(5!+,%!(B1%$.#8*.(5%!*2;(<1!"(#1!("!4#( cycle of payments came around and I actually had to pay people, I broke down. On the playground I overheard some of my feeders dreaming about the things they would buy with their tokees after their investments with me paid off. Half of their tokees were al%!*:'(<$#1(,#1!%(+!!:!%.;(5)#(,+ (-,)%.!(W(:$:"I#(#!&&(#1!8(#1*#/(M$&&'( and I were tweaking EEtoki communication protocol on the bench when Okamoto san tapped me on the shoulder. (((((0!(<!"#(#,(#1!(-&*..%,,8(*":(.1!(.*$:(.1!I:(5!!"(#1$"2$">/(W#( <*.(*(&,">(#$8!(*>,;(5)#(.1!(<*"#!:(#,(*.2(8!(<1*#($#(<*.(#1*#(L*44( said to me during our time out. She asked me if he threatened me *":(W(:$:"I#(.*'(*"'#1$">/(A1!"(.1!(*.2!:(8!($+ (1!(8*:!(8!(>$@!( 1$8(#,2!!.;(5)#(W(:$:"I#(.*'(*"'#1$">/(W(*&%!*:'(2"!<(#1!("!4#(6$!-!( of information she told me. She said my dad was pulling me out of A,>>!"5)%>!%;(#1*#(WI:(%!#)%"(#,(8'(,&:(.-1,,&/(91!(#,&:(8!(.1!()"derstood if I was mad at her for spending time with my dad. I said W(<*."I#;(<1$-1(<*.(#%)!]]W(&$2!:(1!%(!",)>1/(W(.#*%#!:(#%!85&$">(*.( S_
I pulled my EEtoki out of my pocket. I showed her the toki count on my nest egg. I know all about that, she said. Those are yours, she said, all yours. Just be careful, she said. (((((M$&&'(<*.(.$##$">(,"(#1!(3,,%(,)#.$:!(#1!(-&*..%,,8/(E!(<*"#!:( to know what was wrong. It was then that I told him about my parents, that my family was poor and I was leaving school, but that he -,)&:"I#(#!&&(*"',"!(5!-*).!(!@!%',"!(<,)&:(<*"#(#1!$%(#,2!!.(5*-2( %$>1#(*<*'(*":(#1*#I.(",#(1,<($#(<,%2./(A1!.!(#1$">.(#*2!(#$8!(#,(6*'( off, I told him. He agreed, and said he was sorry. There was an unusual amount of EEtokee usage during lunchtime and the kids in my class were staring at me, whispering about 8!/(W#(<*.(*"(!8*$&(+%,8(M$&&'/(E!(1*:(#,&:(#1!(<1,&!(-&*../(W(.&$66!:( out of the auditorium with the second grade class and hid in the 5*#1%,,8( ,"( *( #,$&!#( <$#1( #1!( .#*&&( :,,%( &*#-1!:/( A1*#I.( <1!"( #1!( emails started coming in from the feeders, but also toki bloggers. Not just from our class, but all of the classes at Toggenburger Elementary. ((((((<*#(:,()(1*@(O(.*'(a(',%.!&+ h( (((((W"(#1!(.#*&&;(<$#1(8'(NN#,2!!;(W(#,,2(#1!(=%.#R-,8!R=%.#R.!%@!( approach. I paid some kids in full until my screen accurately dis6&*'!:(8'("!.#(!>>I.(-,)"#(*#(?!%,/ (((((W(*#!(#<,(:$""!%.(,"(B1%$.#8*.(`*'/(L'(8,8(-%$!:(:)%$">(,)%( 8!*&/( A1!"( 8'( :*:( 6$-2!:( 8!( )6( *":( <!( *#!( *#( L$..( l2*8,#,I.( house. We talked about tokees the entire time, about my failed operation. My dad was angry at me. He asked the same thing as the 5&,>>!%;(<1*#(:,(',)(1*@!(#,(.*'(+,%(',)%.!&+/(M)#(L$..(l2*8,#,( stood up for me. She said that this was the point of the Toggen5)%>!%(A,2$(B)%%!"-'(9'.#!8;(+,%(.#):!"#.(#,(6&*'(*":(&!*%"(#1$">./( She told me that once I returned to my old school, we could be friends and talk about tokees if I wanted. When I returned to her house I continued to talk about tokees with Miss Okamoto. I missed having them in my possession, overseeing something that other kids -*%!:(*5,)#(.,(8)-1/(L$..(l2*8,#,(:$:"I#(>!#($#(#1,)>1;(*":(<1!"( .1!(#*&2!:(*5,)#(#,2!!.(.1!(#,,2(*&&(,+ (#1!(!4-$#!8!"#(,)#(,+ (#1!8/( 91!(#*&2.(*5,)#(#1!8(&$2!(#1!'I%!(*(&!*%"$">(!4!%-$.!;(5)#(#1!'I%!(",#/( A1!'I%!(-)%%!"-'/(A1!'I%!(&$+!/(K":(#1!'I%!(8'(&$+!;(.#$&&]]$#(:,!."I#( Sa
8*##!%($+ (8'(6*%!"#.(-*"I#(6*'(#1!(#)$#$,"(*#(A,>>!"5)%>!%/ ( ( ( ( ( A1*#I.( <1'( W( -,"#$")!( #,( .!!( L$..( l2*8,#,/( W( ).!( 1!%( NN#,2!!/( 91!( :,!."I#( 2",<( WI8( #%*:$">( #,2!!.( <$#1( 1!%( 61,"!]].1!( :,!."I#(-1!-2(1!%("!.#(!>>/(W+ (.1!(+,)":(,)#(.1!I:('!&&(*#(8!/(91!I:( .*'( 91*8!( ,"( ',);( D$8/( M!-*).!( #,( #1!( !"#$%!( #1$%:( >%*:!( -&*..( *#( A,>>!"5)%>!%( *":( 8'( 6*%!"#.( 8'( "*8!( $.( D$8/( A1*#I.( <1*#( #1!'( *&&( -*&&( 8!/( N4-!6#( +,%( 8'( "!<( +!!:!%./( A1!'( -*&&( 8!( A$&&*8,,2/( A1*#I.(5!-*).!(8'("!<(.-%!!"("*8!($.(A8,,29L;(<1$-1($.(*"(*5breviation of my most important, self-given name. I trade with all ,+ (#1!(AN(.#):!"#./(N4-!6#(+,%(#1!(#1$%:(>%*:!%.;(<1,(W($>",%!/(A1!( %!.#(,+ (#1!(.#):!"#.(5!&$!@!(8!/(W+ (#1!'(8).#(2",<(W(.*'(WI8($"(#1!( third grade. I take their tokees and make wonderful promises. Wild *5)":*"-!t(01*#(:,(W(1*@!(#,(.*'(+,%(8'.!&+ h(l"&'(#1$.7(<$#1(#1!( phone of my old teacher and will-be stepmom my name is Tillamook Sloan Montgomery and I am a third grader at Toggenburger Elementaryâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;â&#x20AC;&#x201C;the most technologically advanced elementary school in the entire world.
Si
to the farmerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Daughter d$-(9*"?Rk,)&:
1. Milk on your palm, ^,6'(=">!%.(<*4$">(<1$#!($"(#1!(.!8$R8,%"$">n We hold this heavy-lidded love. We do it in an oily silence On the sawdust, M*#1!:($"(#1!(:$*8,":( B&!*"(5*&8(,+ (+!*%/ Even the cows keep track of the light Stomping out the hours hoof by hoof. O/ Leathered with the cows, ^!*:$">(#1!(-,%"3,<!%(-%,6.(,"(',)%(5*-2/ I beg them to stomp the night to me W86*#$!"#;(5&,,:(!46*":$">($"(#1!(.)"; E!*#(3!*.(-%,<:$">(8'("!-2(*":(!*%./ The cows moan with my own voice; M)&&(>,%!.(5)&&/ W(-*"I#(-,%%!-#(1,<(#1!'(.!!().; W(-*"I#(%)$"(#1$.(+,%(*&&(#1!(-,<./
Sc
Pi r an h a A l i c e Wa d e
My brother once told me that if you drag a cow through the Orinoco the water turns red and the bones come out .#%$66!:(,+ (3!.1/ When he disappeared beneath the glassy surface of a quiet lake there was no blood ,"&'(8'(%!3!-#$," disturbed by ripples where a pine needle fell.
Se
y e l l o w
d o g Rebecca Taylor
The orchard sits on a hill, and the hill looks up at the mountains. The mountains are blue. The trees in the orchard grow apples and 6!*-1!./(M!.$:!(#1!(,%-1*%:;(#1!%!I.(*(-!8!#!%';(*":(5!.$:!(#1!(-!8!#!%';(#1!%!I.(*(-1)%-1/(0!("!@!%(>,($"(#1!(-1)%-1;(5)#(<!(6&*'($"(#1!( cemetery. (((((L'(5%,#1!%(D*-,5($.(.$##$">(,"(#,6(,+ (*(#,85.#,"!/(WI8(.$##$">($"( #1!(>%*../(0!I%!(!*#$">(6!*-1!.(<!(6$-2!:(+%,8(#1!(,%-1*%:/(( ((((((of,)I%!(.$##$">(,"(K&@!%#*(U*<.,";p(D*-,5(.*'./ ((((((o01*#I.(K&@!%#*(U*<.,"hp (((((((o9,8!(:!*:(&*:'/p(E!(6,$"#.(#,(#1!(&!##!%.(.-%*#-1!:(,"(#1!(#,85.#,"!/(oM!#(',)(:,"I#(2",<(<1!%!(#1*#(6!*-1(-*8!(+%,8/p (((((((of!*1;(W(:,/p(W(&,,2()6(*#(1$8(*":(<$6!(6!*-1(j)$-!(+%,8(8'(-1$"/( oY!*-1!.(-,8!(+%,8(#%!!./p(( ((((((of!*1;(5)#(W(5!#(',)(:,"I#(2",<(1,<(6!*-1(#%!!.(>%,<hp ((((((W(2",<(1,<;(5)#(W(:,"I#(2",<(1,<(#,(.*'($#/ (((((oA%!!.(>,##*(!*#(#,(>%,</(D).#(&$2!(',)(>,##*(!*#;(*":(W(>,##*(!*#/( So if the trees want to make peaches and apples, they gotta eat something with their roots.â&#x20AC;? ((((((o01*#I.(%,,#.hp ((((((o^,,#.(*%!(&$2!(5$>(8,)#1.()":!%>%,)":/p ((((((W(6$-#)%!(<1*#(#%!!(8,)#1.(&,,2(&$2!/(o01*#(:,(#1!(8,)#1.(!*#hp ((((((oU,#.(,+ (#1$">./(`$%#;(<,%8.;(5!*%(6,,6./(M)#(#1!.!(#%!!.(*%!(:$+ferent. These trees eat bodies. Dead people bodies.â&#x20AC;? I stand up and drop my peach on the ground. Jacob laughs. I run away from him, away from the cemetery. I run home. (((((l)%(1,).!($.("!*%(#1!(-!8!#!%'/(W#I.(*(:,)5&!<$:!;(<1$-1($.(5!#ter than a singlewide because I can have my own room. In my room #1!%!I.(*(5!:(,"(#1!(3,,%(5'(#1!(<$":,<(*":(",#(8)-1(!&.!/(L*8*( 6)#($#(,"(#1!(3,,%(.,(W(<,"I#(+*&&(,)#/(W(2!!6(8'(-&,#1!.(.#*-2!:($"(,"!( -,%"!%(*":(8'(*"$8*&.($"(#1!(,#1!%/(W#I.(8'(j,5(#,(2!!6(8'(-&,#1!.( Sg
folded and my animals put away. I leave the lights on and get in bed. I pull up the covers. Out the window all I can see is black, but Mama comes in and turns the lights off and now I can see the cemetery. ((((((W(.1)#(8'(!'!.(*":(:%!*8(*5,)#(#1!(-!8!#!%'/(W(:%!*8(WI8()":!%>%,)":(<$#1(8'(+*#1!%;(*":(W(*8(:!*:(<$#1(1$8/(0!I%!(-,@!%!:($"(:$%#( and worms. They crawl in my hair and in between my toes. They crawl $"(8'(+*#1!%I.(!*%.;(*":(1!(&*)>1.(*#(#1!(#1$">.(#1!(<,%8.(#!&&(1$8/( (((((W(#!&&(1$8(#,(5!(J)$!#;(5)#(1!(:,!."I#(.#,6/(A1!(<,%8.(<1$.6!%;( and my father laughs and laughs. The trees hear him, and the roots -,8!(:,<"(#,(!*#()./(L'(+*#1!%(#%$!.(#,(=>1#(#1!8;(5)#(#1!(%,,#.(*%!( stronger than my father. When I wake up, I shout and shout. Mama turns down the TV. I stop shouting and listen for her. Mama .*'.;(oE).1;p(#1%,)>1(#1!(<*&&./(91!(#)%".()6(#1!(AT/( ((((((W"(#1!(,%-1*%:;(#1!%!I.(*('!&&,<(:,>(#1*#(&$@!.(,"(%,##!"(*66&!./(W( <*"#(#,(6!#($#;(5)#($#(<,"I#(&!#(8!/(l"!(:*'(D*-,5($.(#%'$">(#,(-&$85(*( tree, and the dog comes over and licks his shoe. Jacob kicks the dog. The dog yelps and runs away. (((((A1!("!4#(:*'($#(%*$"./(D*-,5(>,!.(#,(.-1,,&/(L*8*(.#*'.(,"(#1!( couch all day watching TV. I sit by her feet for a while, but I get bored. (((((oB*"(W(>,(,)#.$:!hp( Mama says no. I go to my room to play with my animals. I take their shirts off and put other shirts on them. I think about the dog. I want to give it something, so it will let me pet it. I go to the corner where my clothes are, and I put on my jacket with the hood. Outside my room, Mama is still on the couch with the TV on. I go into the kitchen and take a chicken bone from the trash. I put it in my pocket. I sneak by Mama and out the door. I put my hood up and walk out into the rain. I have to cross the cemetery to get to the orchard. The graves are shiny and wet. I try to run, but my shoes slip in the mud. I have to be careful and go slow. I <*&2(,@!%(#1!(5,:$!.(*":(#%'(#,(1,&:(8'(5%!*#1;(5)#(W(-*"I#/(W#I.(#,,(+*%/( ((((((W"(#1!(,%-1*%:;(#1!(#%!!.(:%,,6(1!*@'(<$#1(%*$"(*":(+%)$#/(A1!%!I.( lots of peaches and apples on the ground. I look around for the SQ
:,>;(5)#(W(:,"I#(.!!($#/(W(#%'(#,(<1$.#&!(&$2!(D*-,5;(5)#($#(.,)":.(+)""'/( W(.*';(oE!%!;(:,>/p(W(<*&2(+*%#1!%($"#,(#1!(#%!!.(.!*%-1$">(+,%($#/(W(6)#( my hand in my pocket. The chicken bone feels wet. I walk till the cemetery is far away. (((((W(1!*%(*(%).#&$">(.,)":;(*":(W(.#,6/(A1!%!I.(.,8!#1$">(6!%-1!:($"(*( tree, a dark bird with great big wings. It swoops down to the ground *":(6$-2.(.,8!#1$">()6(<$#1($#.(-&*<./(A1!"($#(3$!.(*<*'/ I walk to the tree where the bird was. I walk slow in case there are 8,%!(5$%:./((A1!%!I.(*(5*:(.8!&&/(A1!%!I.(.,8!#1$">($"(#1!(>%*..(<1!%!( the bird swooped down. I get closer, and I see yellow fur and I know #1*#($#I.(#1!(:,>/(W#.(.#,8*-1($.(,6!"!:()6;(*":(#1!($".$:!.(*%!(8,@$">/( W#.(!'!.(*%!(,6!";(5)#($#I.(:!*:(*":(W(2",<($#(-*"I#(.!!(8!/(( I lie down in the grass beside it. Its tongue is blue. I stare into its mouth and think about being dead. I take the chicken bone from my pocket. I put it in its mouth on its blue tongue. The rain falls on our faces. I open my mouth, and the rain comes in. I picture the tree mouths under us. I am not afraid.
OP
Something about the transition from neck to breast that occurs at the Clavicle U$*8(B*%"!'
it is the subtle but angular shift $"(#1!(.2$"(*.(#<,(=">!%. that set out from the corner of the lips slip down the chin and pause to check for a pulse at the carotid before they slowly work their way over the suddenly solid but still smooth still feminine and almost iridescent and unreasonably appealing clavicular form before culminating #1!$%(-%*@!:(!4-)%.$," on a more traditional summit.
OS
from a pervy bureau of pirated things: note for mariska hargatay, my post-apocalyptic princess `*&#,"(U*M*%>!
91,<(8!(',)%(5!.#($%,"(=.#.;(#1,.!(>*&&,6$">( ( =.#.(',)I:().!:($"(#,R#1!R:!*#1R5!*#$">(:,<".( of old misers sometimes: You forced from me *(3,<!%m.,(W(<,"I#(.#%!#-1 truths for you, Mariska, when I put to picture your withering tendrils coiled to neck of a shovel that will serve as both your dowry *":(,)%(#$-2!#(,++(,+(#1$.($.&*":/(W(#%).#(',)I&&(<*"# to head for subways, your un-ironed pillow case =&&!:;(!@!"(6%!>"*"#;(<$#1(-*""!:(@!>!#*5&!.( and strapped to a two-by-four with rusted nails at its headâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;you are, after all, always so resourceful when it comes to treating a kill to dinner, ready to lop heads at the drop of a dime. Would you cringe if I admitted to wasting time on nicknames +,%().mE*%>$5*%>$#*'h(`*&#$.2*hm$".#!*:(,+(.#,-2$"> ( -*""!:(6!*.(*":(.-%*6.(,+(#1!(6%!.!"#h(d,/(d$85&!( =">!%!:(*":(J)$-2(#,(6,$"#7(b)-2(#1!(6,&$-!(*":(!#-/; ( $.(<1*#(',)(.*$:;(%$>1#h;(#<!&@!(.1,#.(:,<" ,"(,)%(=%.#(:*#!/(d!@!%(8)??&!:($.(<1*#(W(1,6! for our tunneled years together, Mariska, to see what eats you from the inside and what you eat when food supply runs short, to have you scale walls and beat down the competition ( <$#1(',)%(=.#.;(+*.#!"!:(<$#1(*(&,-2(,+(8'(1*$% and thirsty for creation, or your club, a fright enough OO
( #,(.1*2!(8!*#(+%,8(#)""!&.(#1*#(<!I&&(.-)%%'(#1%,)>1(&$2! prowling bits of vermin: forgotten, unsteady. ( N@!"($"(%).1;(*(.1,@!&($.(,"!(#1$">(',)(<,"I#( forgetâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;which is how your body simply is: uneasy when beaten back, if, say, I take you from behind like my porno boys who look better from far away: you never turn back, never wait for the shot before lighting your Virginia Slim and slipping away, I guess, to a bingo hall or 1,&:$">(-!&&(,+(#1!(8$":/(9$"-!(WI8(>!##$">(5!##!%(*#(*&&(,+(#1$.;( ( WI@!(6&*""!:(!@!%'(&,@!(&!##!%(+,%(,)%(.#*'()":!%>%,)":( *":("*8!:(,)%(2$:.(.,8!#1$">(,)#(,+(#1!(M$5&!m ( WI&&(1*@!(',)(2",<;(L*%$.2*;(#1,)>1(#1!'(*%!(,"&'( an idea at the moment, if you fancy to meet each of them as promised, take the shovel you so dearly mount above ground and thrust it through sodâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; for a royal line: on all fours and eager to feed.
O_
the brutal semantics of eyebrow threading D,!.!61(B*..!%*
She was so deeply imbedded in my consciousness at that 6,$"#( $"( 8'( &$+!( #1*#( W( #1,)>1#( 8,@$">( #,( d!<( f,%2( B$#'( *+ter graduation was the answer. I guess the best thing about my mother was that she never underestimated the power of cheesecake to bring people together. My last night in Akron, I .*#(,"(#1!(+&,%*&(-,)-1(<*#-1$">(01!!&(,+ (b,%#)"!/(91!(.*#("!4#( #,(8!(*":(>*@!(8!(#1!(f,)(E*@!(9,(L)-1(Y%,8$.!;(M!(B*%!ful Speech. New Yorkers ate people alive. I watched a woman 5)'(*"(uWI(+,%(OiP(:,&&*%.(*":(.1,@!:(#1!(&*.#(5$#.(,+ (.#%*<5!%%'( -1!!.!-*2!($"(8'(8,)#1/(l2*';(L*/(WI&&(5!(+$"!/(K":(.1!(-%$!:/( Phillip, it’s your mother. Pick up the phone. I’m here with Aunt Nancy. Pick up the phone. We went to see your father today and now she wants to say hi and see how the move went. Okay, I hope you’re doing well and everything is okay. Love you. Kisses. Loveyoubye. (((((W#(:$:"I#(#*2!(8!(&,">(#,(>!#(8'(+$%.#(j,5(*":(#1!"(&,.!($#/( W(<*.(*(%!-!6#$,"$.#(+,%(`%/(9-1!&?!%;(*(>'"!-,&,>$.#(5*.!:(,)#( ,+ (L$:#,<"(L*"1*##*"/(f,)I:(5!(.)%6%$.!:(1,<(8*"'(+*8,).( people have herpes, but I am bound by the secret code of se-%!-'( #,( ",#( :$@)&>!( #1*#( $"+,%8*#$,"/( K&&( WI8( .*'$">( $.( #1*#( ',)I:(5!(.)%6%$.!:/( It was an odd office. Lots of women donning bad hair *":( #1!%!( <!%!( 6$&!.( ,+ ( 8*>*?$"!.( !@!%'<1!%!( <$#1( #$#&!.( &$2!( BldBNWTN( *":( b^lL( TCUTK( Al( TCUTK/( 0!( 1*:( *( r!"( fountain and played mellow ambiance music. My favorite song <*.( oW+ ( A1!.!( U$6.( B,)&:( 96!*2/p( W#( .1,-2!:( 8!( *#( +$%.#;( 5)#( then I figured, Own it. Oa
(((((W#(<*."I#(*(@!%'(#1%$&&$">(j,5(",<(#1*#(W(#1$"2(*5,)#($#;(5)#($#(<*.( 8'(=%.#(d!<(f,%2(B$#'(6%,+!..$,"*&(8,8!"#;(*":(<1!"(',)I%!($"( #1*#(6,.#R>%*:)*#$,"(8$":.!#;(',)(-,)&:(#*2!(*(.1$#(,"(M%,*:<*'( *":($#(<,)&:(.,8!1,<(5!(#1!(8,.#(#1%$&&$">(#1$">(',)I@!(!@!%(:,"!/ Phillip, where are you? Please pick up. Or at least call me back. I just got !"#$%&'(()*'+%,*-.%/%0#(1%2)341%5'67'8'%!"#%9"#6:%*"%)3:%*'1%!"#$('6; %<$':%67='% that. What the beans did you do now? Call me back. Love you. (((((W(5&*8!(8'(=%$">(,"(L*%j,%$!/(0!("!@!%(%!*&&'(>,#(*&,">($"(8'( &,">(*":($"#!".!(SO(:*'.(.!%@$">(#1!(5!##!%8!"#(,+ ()66!%R8$::&!R class vaginas. She was ugly and obese, and probably a lesbian. The kind that wore the sweat pants and hiking boots in the relationship. Our workstations were adjacent to each other, so every morning I would have the great opportunity of seeing her giant ass crack .!!6$">(#1%,)>1(<1*#(<!%!(6%,5*5&'(U*"!(M%'*"#(6,&'!.#!%(6*"#./( She had two pictures of her adopted children taped to her com6)#!%( .-%!!"/( WI8( ",#( #!&&$">( ',)( #1$.( .,( ',)( -*"( .!!( #1$.( <,8*";( L*%j,%$!;( $"( *"'( 2$":( ,+ ( >,,:( &$>1#/( A1,.!( 2$:.( <!%!"I#( !@!"( her children. For the price of a cup of coffee each day, she gave these kids a warm meal, a roof over their head, yadda yadda. It was through one of those Adopt An Oprhan programs where the kids 1*@!(1)>!;(*&$!"(!'!.(*":(*%!(.&,<&'(5!$">(!*#!"(*&$@!(5'(3$!./(K":( W(<*.(=%!:(5!-*).!(&$##&!(L$..(9*&&'(9#%)#1!%.(,@!%(#1!%!(*--).!:(8!( ,+ (.!4)*&(1*%*..8!"#m<1$-1(<*.(%$:$-)&,)./ As an open and proud gay American man, I wanted to say, E!&&,;(<1!%!(*%!(<!h(W+ (#1$.(,+=-!(<!%!(*"(*&>,%$#18;(K(<,)&:(5!( @*>$"*;(M(<,)&:(5!(W(:,"I#(<*"#(","!(,+ (#1*#;(*":(KR6&).RM(<,)&:( ",#(!J)*&(B/(M)#(W(<*.(.$&!"#(*":(&!+#(<$#1(<1*#!@!%(:$>"$#'(W(1*:( &!+#/(K&&(W(:$:(<*.(8*2!(*(@!%'(8$",%(j,2!(*5,)#(1,<(`%/(9-1!&?!%;( $+ (.1!(<*"#!:(#,($"-%!*.!(1!%(6%,=#.($"(*(+)"(*":($"",-!"#(8*""!%;( .1,)&:( .!&&( #R.1$%#.( #,( 6%!>"*"#( 6*#$!"#.( #1*#( .*'( MKMf( ld( MlK^`/(l1;(*":(W(*&.,(.*$:(#1*#(#1!()#!%).(<*.(#1!(>$+#(#1*#(2!6#( on giving. And I guess this is where Marjorie and I disagree on certain things, because I thought it was funny. She complained to `%/( 9-1!&?!%( #1*#( W( 8*:!( *( &!<:( *":( >%,..&'( $"*66%,6%$*#!( -,8Oi
ment, there were some tears shed on my behalf, I was called a misogynistic son of a bitch and I was let go. And I thought, Who <*.(L*%j,%$!(#,(.*'(#1*#(*5,)#(8!h((91!(%,-2!:(,)#(!@!%'(#$8!(oW+ ( A1!.!(U$6.(B,)&:(96!*2p(6&*'!:/(K8(W(#1!(,"&'(,"!(<1,(",#$-!:( #1!(:,)5&!(.#*":*%:(#1!%!h(91!(2"!<(",#1$">(*5,)#(8'(&$+!/(K":( all I knew about her was that she was a lifetime learner at her local library, had two kind-of-kids in Indonesia, and smelled like kitty litter. And was a man-hater, apparently. Phillip. Are you home? Hello? Pick up the phone. It’s your mother. Please 2)66%&'%5)2=+%>7:%!"#%<3:%)%0"5%!'1?%@$'%!"#%')173*%"=)!?%A)66%&'+%B=)!loveyoubye. ( ( ( ( ( 01!"( 8'( +*#1!%( :$!:;( W( <*.( *( j)"$,%( *#( s!"#( 9#*#!/( E!( 1*:( 61,"!:(8!(*+#!%(8'(B,86(U$#(-&*..(*":(#,&:(8!(W("!!:!:(#,(.#*%#( 6)&&$">( 8'( ,<"( <!$>1#/( E!( <*."I#( 8*2$">( !",)>1( 8,"!'( *#( #1!( +*-#,%'(#,(6*'(#1!(#)$#$,"(*":(6!,6&!(*#(="*"-$*&(*$:(<!%!()"+!!&$">( bastards. I told him okay, I would try to look for a part-time thing. Maybe at Donut Shack or something, I think they were hiring at the time. That night, coming home from work, he missed a stop sign. A #%*-#,%R#%*$&!%(-*%%'$">(#<,(#,".(,+ (5!!+ (j!%2'(-%,..R.#*#!(>,$">(cP( 8$&!.(6!%(1,)%(1$#(#1!(:%$@!%I.(.$:!(,+ (#1!(B,%,&&*/(K--,%:$">(#,(#1!( 6,&$-!(%!6,%#;(1!(1*:(:$!:(,"($86*-#/(E!(<*.(iO(*":(*(",".8,2!%;( .,(<!(>,#(*(&$##&!(5$#(+%,8(#1!($".)%*"-!/(L'(8,#1!%(-,)&:"I#(<*&2( for a week. I spent the week following the burial at home rummaging through recipe cards, trying to put together some kind of cheesecake for her and the visitors. I sorted through the fruit bas2!#.;(#1!(6*.#*(:$.1!.;(#1!(-1!!.!(6&*##!%.;(#1!(3,<!%.;(#,&:(1!%(<1,( 1*:(.!"#(<1*#;(<1,(#,(.!":(A1*"2(f,)I.(#,/(M)#(*+#!%(#1!(<!!2;(W( 1*:(#,(>,(5*-2(#,(6%!6*%!(+,%(="*&./(W(:,"I#(#1$"2(.1!(!@!%(+,%>*@!( me for abandoning her. Jesus, are you ever home? It’s your mother. Remember me? Listen, you need to call me as soon as you can. It’s—just please call. It’s very important. Loveyou.
Oc
(((((L'()"!86&,'8!"#(6%,5&!8(J)$-2&'(:$..,&@!:($#.!&+ (*+#!%(s$8(,+ ( s$8I.( Y%!##'( U,,2( N'!5%,<( A1%!*:$">( 1$%!:( 8!( #,( :$.#%$5)#!( 6*861&!#.(,"(#1!(.#%!!#.(,+ (k%!!"<$-1(T$&&*>!/(L'(,+=-$*&(#$#&!(<*.(A1%!*:$">(B,".)&#*"#;(5)#(W(@$!<!:($#(8,%!(*.(s$8I.(M$#-1/(91!($".#%)-#!:(8!( to tame the wild beasts of Manhattan, one eyebrow at a time. I thought, #!-1"$-*&&'(.1,)&:"I#($#(5!(#<,(*#(*(#$8!;(',)(2",<;(+,%(.'88!#%'I.(.*2!;( but I was too scared to ask questions and too thankful for my paycheck to care about semantics. The job sounded easy and harmless, I know. Like I would just stand there on the corner, silently handing people little 6$"2(.J)*%!.(,+ (6*6!%/(M)#(",/(b$%.#(,+ (*&&;($#(<*.(&$2!(+,%-!R+!!:$">(*( pack of angry, stubborn babies. No one wanted to take my paper, my garbage. And then those who did take it would glance at it and give me death glares like what was I trying to say, and I would stare back &$2!(8*'5!(*(#1%!*:$">(<*.(.,8!#1$">(#1!'("!!:!:(#,(!46!%$!"-!;(*":( .,,"/(W(J)$-2&'(&!*%"!:(8'(<*'(#1,)>1/(A1!%!I.(*(<1,&!(>*8!;(*(.-$!"-!;( 5!1$":(6*861&!#(:$.#%$5)#$,"/(01!"(.,8!,"!(<*.(Si(+!!#(,%(.,(*<*'( +%,8(8!;(W(<,)&:(:,(*(@!%'(J)$-2(5)#(@!%'(#1,%,)>1(!'!5%,<(!4*8$"*#$,"/(W+ (#1!'(<!%!(#,,(%!="!:(,%(,5@$,).&'(<*4!:(*&%!*:';(W(1!&:(5*-2/( W+ (#1!'(<!%!(#,,(5).1';(#,,(b%$:*Rs*1&,RE!%!RWRK8t;(W(1!&:(5*-2/(K":( if they were just right, borderline Neanderthal but still humanly rec,>"$?*5&!;(W(?$66!:(#1!(6*6!%(%$>1#($"(+%,"#(,+ (#1!8(*":(5*8t(L$..$,"( accomplished. (((((s$8(<*.(*(%*$&(#1$"(s,%!*"(<,8*"(<1,m:)!(#,(.,8!(6&*.#$-(.)%>!%'(,"(1!%(!'!&$:.m*&<*'.(&,,2!:(.)%6%$.!:/(91!(:!="$#!&'(1*:(*(.!".!( of what I like to call entrepreneurial spirit, and the gamut of her emotions ranged from stern silence to a slight, but still stern, happiness. At the end of the day, she would stare at me with her miracle eyes and say, f,)(1*":(#1!8(*&&(,)#h( (((((f!.;(s$8/( (((((k,,:/((f,)(#*8!(#1$.(-$#'(,"!(!'!5%,<(*#(*(#$8!/(A1!"(.1!(>*@!(8!( my money and I walked to the subway a semi-happy man. Eyebrow threading, Phillip? Your father and I did not pay for four years of Kent for you to wax eyebrows in New York City. Aunt Nancy is here this weekend taking me to some appointments. Please call, she’s been asking a lot about you and I don’t have the heart to tell her you’re shaping eyebrows. Loveyoubye. Oe
I had never imagined that a degree in Liberal Studies would !@!"#)*&&'( =":( 8!( <,%2$">( #1!( .#%!!#.( ,+ ( L*"1*##*";( .-,)#$">( ,)#( 6,,%&'( #*8!:( 5%,<./( M)#( *+#!%( *5,)#( *( 8,"#1( $"#,( #1!( j,5;( W(-,)&:"I#(.#,6(",#$-$">(#1!8(,"(!@!%',"!/(s$8(1*:(8*"*>!:(#,( make me feel good. She asked me if I ever had work done on my 5%,<.(*":(W(.*$:(",;(<1$-1(<*."I#(*(&$!/(W(>)!..(W(1*:(5!!"(5,%"( with nice eyebrows. She told me they were sharp enough to peel orange slices, which I took as a compliment. I began dreaming of eyebrows. Some were good and some were bad. In one, my mother told me she had started dating again. In the dream, I went back to Akron and met her new boyfriend, who was this unremarkable, 8$::&!R*>!:(8*"(<$#1(!'!5%,<.(%!8$"$.-!"#(,+ (U!,"$:(M%!?1"!@/( Towards the end, his eyebrows detached from his body and started eating the entire cheesecake by itself. In one, huge bite. And then I woke up. (((((WI:("!@!%(1*:($"#!".!(:%!*8.(&$2!(#1*#(5!+,%!/(K('!*%(*+#!%(8'( +*#1!%I.( :!*#1;( W( -*8!( ,)#( ,+ ( #1!( -&,.!#( #,( 8'( 8,#1!%( *":( K)"#( d*"-';(<1,(<*.(8'(+*#1!%I.(,"&'(.$.#!%(*":(#1!(,"&'(+*8$&'(8!8ber who lived somewhat near us in Ohio. That was the only other time in my life I recalled having dreams of a similar magnitude. My 8,#1!%( <*.( .,( !"#1).$*.#$-( *5,)#( $#;( .1!( j,$"!:( YbUKk( #1!( "!4#( week and sent a care package to my dorm room with a Hallmark card covered in rainbows and bunnies and a smiling, cracked-out, *"#1%,6,8,%61$-(.)"(<$#1(#1!($".-%$6#$,";(9l^^f(KMlCA(KUU( AEN(Y^lMUNL9(flCITN(MNNd(`NKUWdk(0WAE(UKANUf/( Phillip, it’s me. Had a dream you weren’t okay. Please call to tell me I’m mistaken. I’ve been feeling a little under the weather today. I’d love to hear your voice. Loveyoubye. My dreams stemmed from my love of one of my Anthropology #!*-1$">(*..$.#*"#.;(*(>%*:)*#!(.#):!"#(+%,8(k!,%>$*(<1,(1*:(.*:( eyes and no hint of a drawl. In one dream, he and I were in the middle of Sub-Saharan Africa, doing ethnographic research on a #%$5!(#1*#(1*:(",(6&)%*&$?*#$,"($"(#1!$%(&*">)*>!/(E$.(,5.!..$,"(<$#1( the linguistics had consumed him and I sat on some cot admiring Og
1$8(*.(1!($"#!%@$!<!:(#1!.!(#%$5!.8!"/(`,"I#(',)(>!#($#;(1!(#,&:(8!( $"(#1$.(:%!*8;(#1!'(-*"I#(6&)%*&$?!/(K"'#1$">(#1*#($."I#(.$">)&*%;(*"'#1$">(#1*#($."I#(*&,"!;($":!6!":!"#($"(#1!(>%*":(.-1!8!(,+ (#1$">.;($.( *&<*'.(%!+!%!"-!:($"(8!#*61,%/(W#I.(#1!(.!8*"#$-.(,+ (6,!#%'t(^$>1#( here in Africa! His face was so beautiful and I looked at his right temple, an area that had been scarred by adolescent acne, and he was just so beautiful in that moment. And then I woke up. Mother had always pestered me about who I was dating, and I always said no one. It was kind of a lie and kind of the truth. He and I were never really a thing. He used to call me his love, but his *-#$,".(*&<*'.(.1,<!:(8!(#1*#(.,8!#$8!.($#I.(1*%:!%(#,(*--!6#(&,@!( than to talk about it. Hello? Phillip? Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s terribly urgent. When I saw Marjorie waddling down the street, I think I went into cardiogenic shock. I almost crushed the little pink squares in 8'(1*":/(91!(<*.(1!*:!:(.#%*$>1#(+,%(8!;(,"(*(8$..$,"(#,;(W(:,"I#( know, go grocery shopping down the street. She had entered my \)$-2( N'!5%,<( N4*8( r,"!/( W( <,)&:( 1*@!( #,( .*'( 1$( $"( *66%,4$8*#!&'(i/e(.!-,":./( Oh hey, Marjorie. Funny seeing you. (((((E$;(Y1$&t(E,<(1*@!(',)(5!!"h You know, good. Really good. (((((A1*#I.(>%!*#(#,(1!*%/ Yeah. (((((f!*1;(.1!(.*$:/(9,;(WI8(.,%%'(1,<(#1$">.(#)%"!:(,)#/(f,)(2",<( 1,<(#1!(,+=-!(-*"(5!/ Yeah. (((((9,;(<1*#(*%!(',)(:,$">(1!%!h(K%!(#1,.!(6$"2(6$!-!.(,+ (6*6!%h (((((l1;(#1!.!h( Yeah, those. ( ( ( l1;( WI8( *"( N'!5%,<( A1%!*:$">( B,".)&#*"#( ",</( W( &,,2!:( *#( 1!%(!'!5%,<(%$:>!;(",#$-$">(A1!(9#%*'.;(A1!(M).1$!.;(A1!(YYLI.m Y&!*.!(Y&)-2(L!I./( ((((((K(<1*#h OQ
((((((D).#(*(A1%!*:$">(B,".)&#*"#/(WI8(#*8$">(#1!(-$#'(,"!(!'!5%,<( at a time. She looked at me funny. ((((((W(8*2!(6!,6&!(+!!&(8,%!(-,"=:!"#(*5,)#(#1!8.!&@!.(5'(6%,6erly shaping their eyebrows. ((((((A1*#(.,)":.(6!%+!-#(+,%(',);(Y1$&/(WI8(@!%'(1*66'(+,%(',)/ Thanks. (((((((W(<*.(j).#(*5,)#(#,(%)"($"#,(#1!(6!#(.1,6(:,<"(,"(Sa#1/(L*'5!( WI&&(.!!(',)(*%,)":(*>*$"/ (((((((l1;(L*%j,%$!;(<*$#/(W(-,)&:(>$@!(',)(*(+%!!(-,".)&#*#$,"($+ (',)I:( like. Totally free. She thought about it for the longest three seconds of my life. Y&!*.!6&!*.!6&!*.!(<*.(*&&(W(-,)&:(#1$"2/(91!(="*&&'(*>%!!:(*":(<!( walked down half a block to the storefront with the plasma screen in the window streaming a video of a Thai woman having her eyebrows threaded on loop to the sound of a river stream. Please call me back as soon as you get this. I really wish I didn’t have to do this by voicemail, but you haven’t called me in several days. I hope I didn’t upset you with the threading criticism, it’s just that I’m your mother and I want what’s best for you. Marjorie sat down in the chair. She asked how long it would take and I said only a few minutes. I wanted to call to let you know that Aunt Nancy has been taking me to the doctor and I didn’t want to tell you about it too early for fear that I would worry you. I placed tiny cucumber slices ,@!%(1!%(!'!.(*":(#,&:(1!%(#,(j).#(%!&*4/(W(6$-2!:()6(#1!(#1%!*:$">( .#%$">(*":($#(&,,2!:(&$2!(3,..($"(8'(-&)8.'(1*":./(I have this lump in my right breast, Phil. And there are some near my armpits. I told her it <,)&:"I#(1)%#;(.1!(<,)&:"I#(+!!&(*(#1$">/(Doctor O’Connor, bless him, was worried and did some tests. K#( =%.#( W( .#*%#!:( .&,<;( .#%$66!:( #1!( ,)#!%(*%!*.(,+ (1!%(5%,<.(=%.#/(E*$%(5'(1*$%;(#1!"(#1$"(%,<(5'(#1$"( row. Phil, please. It’s—the results came back.(W(-,)&:"I#(.#,6/(A1!(*85$*"-!(8).$-(,+ (%$@!%.(3,<$">(*":(5$%:.(-1$%6$">(>,#(#,(8!/(9#%$6(5'( strip, around the cucumber slices, bad news, I weeded her eyebrows, seeing an oncologist, chunk by chunk. I need you to visit, or call at least. _P
Aunt Nancy can’t stay for extended periods of time. I need to start an—aggressive treatment soon. It sounds so animalistic when you say it like that. Aggressive. Like it’s a fucking war, Phillip.(C"#$&(="*&&';(1!%(%$:>!(1*:( been stripped of every last remaining eyebrow hair and her face looked like a peeled potato. In place of eyebrows remained two amorphous sections of skin slightly paler than their surroundings. W(%)55!:(,"(.,8!(&,#$,"(#,(6%!@!"#($"R>%,<".;(*":(="*&&'(#,,2(#1!( cucumber slices off one by one, preparing for what was about to come.
_S
w h a t â&#x20AC;&#x2122; s
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Your name is not Shelly, Serena, Shaquana, nor Shakira. You replace a secretary who is out on maternity leave. You need the job bad 5!-*).!( ',)I@!( 5!!"(&*$:(,++;(',)%()"!86&,'8!"#(5!"!=#.(1*@!(!46$%!:(*":(',)%(.!@!%*"-!(6*'(1*.(%)"(,)#/(f,)(,<!(#<,(8,"#1.I(5*-2( %!"#/(f,)(8).#(:,(1!%(j,5(8,%!(!+=-$!"#&'(#1*"(.1!(:$:(#,(!.-*6!(#1!( infrequent assignments in the temp world. ((((((of,)(#*2!(:$-#*#$,";(91!&&'hp(1!(*.2.(<$#1(1!*@'(!861*.$.(,"(#1!( o:$-/p(l+ (-,)%.!;(L%/(vvvv/(E!(:,!."I#(,++!%(',)(#1!(+*8$&$*%$#'(,+ (1$.( =%.#("*8!/(f,)(.$#($"(1$.(,+=-!(*.(1!(:$-#*#!.(*(&,">(8!8,(+,%(1*&+ (*"( 1,)%/(E!(6*-!.(*%,)":(1$.(,+=-!;(#%'$">(#,(&,,2(:,<"(',)%(5&,).!/(E!( eventually sits in a chair opposite you. Every time you cross your legs he sneaks a peak up your skirt. This will be an interesting assignment, you think. ((((((Y$"()6(',)%(8$"$*#)%!(.#)++!:(#!::'(5!*%;(91,:*";(,"(#1!(-)5$-&!( wall. Allow him to chuckle at your cute little bear with the Judo uni+,%8(*":(5&*-2(5!&#/(o91*J)*"*;(',)($"#,(#1!(s*%*#!(.#)++ hp(E!(.8$%2.( at you when you respond that you are a Judo student. Smirk back <1!"(1!(#!&&.(',)(#1*#(D):,(:,!."I#(<,%2($"(*(%!*&(&$+!(-,85*#(.$#)*#$,"/( K.2(1$8(*5,)#(1$.(2",<&!:>!(,+ (#1!(8*4$8)8(!+=-$!"-'(*":(8$"$mum effort theory. Fully smile and nod as he ignores your question and brags about his undefeated collegiate wrestling career, including several victories over Judo players. (((((((L!"#$,"(#1*#(',)I@!(.#):$!:(D):,()":!%(',)%(+*#1!%/(E!(>%$".(*":( #1$"2.(',)(.)-2(*":(*%!(*(6%,5*5&'(.#$&&(*(5!>$""!%/(`,"I#(@,&)"#!!%( that you are a brown belt preparing to test for your black belt. Skip the :!#*$&.(#1*#(',)%(T$!#"*8(@!#(+*#1!%(<*.(*(Yl0(*":(1*.(*(5,:'(-,)"#( in the high double digits. Also omit how your father threw you as hard *.(1!(#1%!<(1$.(8*&!(.#):!"#./(f,)I@!($"1!%$#!:(',)%(+*#1!%I.(*>>%!..$@!( genes but you manage your anger better. ((((((E!(3$%#.(<$#1(',)(*":(,>&!.(',)%(*..(<1!"!@!%(',)(&!*@!(',)%(:!.2( _O
+,%(#1!(&*:$!.I(%,,8/(f,)(-*"(#!&&(5'(#1!(#,"!(,+ (L%/(vvvvI.(J)!.#$,"( about your community college degree, he underestimates you as the <,%&:(:$:(l6%*1(*":(9,#,8*',%/(E$.(W@'(U!*>)!(6!:$>%!!.(:,"I#($"timidate you, they motivate you. (((((E!(#%$!.(#,(5,":(<$#1(',)(*":(*:8$#.(1!(&,@!.(,&:(.-1,,&(^wM/( `,"I#(5!&$!@!(1$8(<1!"(1!(-&*$8.(D*8!.(M%,<"($.(,"!(,+ (1$.(+*@,%$#!( ^wM(*%#$.#./(K.2(1$8($+ (1!(2",<.(#1!(&'%$-.(#,(oW#I.(*(L*"I.;(L*"I.;( L*"I.(0,%&:/p(l+ (-,)%.!(1!(&*)>1.(*":(',)(!4-1*">!(8)#)*&(.8$&!./( E!(*.2.(',)(,)#(,"(*(:*#!(*":(',)(6,&$#!&'(:!-&$"!/(f,)(:,"I#(:,(5,..!./(M'(1$.(.1%)>(,+ (#1!(.1,)&:!%.;($#($.(-&!*%(1!(#1,)>1#(1!(<*.(:,$">( you a favor. (((((((E!(-,86&$8!"#.(',)(,"(',)%(<,%2(*":(',)%(,)#=#.(:*$&'/(`*$&'(+,%( one month, watch him return from his liquid lunches. Every time he &,,2.(*#(91,:*";(1!(&*)>1./(E!(:)-2.(1$.(1!*:(#,(!"#!%(1$.(,+=-!/(E!($.( *5,)#(iP(6,)":.(.1,%#(,+ (_PP/(f,)(*%!(."*-2(.$?!(+,%(1$8/(s!!6(#)%"ing down his advances. The offers stop but his challenges increase. He wants to demonstrate that wrestling is superior to Judo. (((((((K+#!%(#<,(8,"#1.;(%!8,@!(91,:*"/(E!(*.2.;(o9!%!"*;(<1!%!($.(L%/( B)#!(*":(B)::&'hp(91,:*"($.(1,8!;(1$.(6)%6,.!(1*.(5!!"(.!%@!:;(',)( .*'/(^!&)-#*"#&';(*--!6#(1$.($"@$#!(#,(#1!(*"")*&(B1%$.#8*.(6*%#'/(( (((((((M)'(*"(*++,%:*5&!(6*%#'(:%!..;(8*#-1$">(.#,-2$">.(*":(6)86./(A,..( !46$%!:(!'!&$"!%(*":(&$6R>&,../(K#(#1!(6*%#'(',)(.$6(96%$#!/(E!(>)??&!.( rum and cokes. After three drinks, dance with him. He gets too close. M*-2()6/(K>*$"(',)(%!6!*#(#1!(o'!.R",;(',)(*%!(#,,(-&,.!p(:*"-!/(M*-2( )6(*>*$"/(C"-,8+,%#*5&!;(',)(*5*":,"(1$8(,"(#1!(:*"-!(3,,%/(( He follows you to the ladies room. Disappear inside and wait until ',)(#1$"2(1!I.(>,"!/(A$"2&!;(<*.1(1*":.;(#*2!(=@!(*":(.#!6($"#,(#1!( hallway. He is waiting for you. Wassup wit you, he slurs. You were in 8'(.6*-!(*":(W(:,"I#(&$2!($#;(',)(."*6/(W+ (W(:$:"I#($"@$#!('*;(',)I:(5!( home by yo self, he screams. ( ( ( ( ( f,)( *--!6#( 1$.( <%!.#&$">( -1*&&!">!/( M!.#( #<,( ,)#( ,+ ( #1%!!;( ',)( shout. Through grinning, sloppy Jack Daniels lips he roars, I will only "!!:(,"!(#*2!:,<"(5!-*).!(<1!"(',)(1$#(#1!(3,,%(',)(<,"I#(5!(*5&!( to get up. Remind him that the ground hits harder than any man and pray he can break his own fall. __
((((((oA1$.(<$&&(5!(,@!%(J)$-2/(WI&&(#*2!($#(!*.'(,"('*;(5)#(",#(#,,(!*.'/(f,)( >!#(",(*+=%8*#$@!(*-#$,"(&,@!(#,"$>1#/p( A drunken crowd of partygoers gathers outside the bathrooms. He takes off his shoes and loosens his shirt collar. (((((o91*2$%*;(&!#I.(6)#(*(&$##&!(<*>!%(,"(#1$./(W+ (W(5!*#(',);(',)(<,%2( overtime for me unpaid for one month.â&#x20AC;? Demand he gives you two months pay in advance once you win. Shake hands to seal the deal. Make him write the agreement down on a napkin. Fold and stuff napkin in your bra. Take off your earrings, pumps and stockings. You square off and raise your hands in front of you to ready position. He advises you to change into pants, if not, get ready to show the gathering crowd your underwear. A tipsy partygoer tries to intervene. M%).1(1$8(*.$:!(*":(*..)%!(1$8(#1*#(#1$.(<$&&(5!(,@!%(.,,"/ (((((A1%,)>1(*(.&'(.8$&!;(',)(@,&)"#!!%(',)I%!(",#(<!*%$">(*"'()":!%<!*%/((L%/(vvvv(&!!%.(*#(',)(*":(&$?*%:R&$2!;(1!(:*%#.(,)#(1$.(#,">)!/(( (((((L%/(vvvv(-1*%>!.(',);(5)&&(.#'&!;(',)(.$:!(.#!6(1$8;(>%*5(1$.(.1$%#( sleeve and using his momentum, break his balance and pull him to<*%:.(',)/(9<!!6(1$.(+%,"#(&!>(<$#1(',)%(+,,#/(0*#-1(1$8(.#)85&!(3*#( onto his stomach. (((((`*?!:;(1!(%,&&.(,@!%(#,(1$.(5*-2(*":(1,6.(#,(1$.(+!!#;(J)$-2(+,%(*( 8*"(1$.(.$?!/((f,)(>,#(&)-2'/(l"!;(?$6;(5!.#(#<,(,)#(,+ (#1%!!;(L%/(vvvv( blurts in one breath. (((((L%/(vvvv(5%).1!.(,++ (1$.(.1$%#;(&,,.!".(1$.(#$!;(&,,2.(*<*'(*":( throws the tie at your eyes to distract you. With cat speed, he lunges towards you. You duck beneath the tie. He grabs your shoulders and tries to pick you up. You drop your weight, grab his shirt collar with both hands, and yank him down towards you as you plant your right foot in his stomach. His forward momentum carries him over and you <*#-1(1$.(5,:'(3'(,@!%(',)%(1!*:(*.(',)(%!&!*.!(',)%(>%$6/(E!(&*":.(.,( 1*%:(,"(1$.(5*-2;(1!(+*%#.(,"($86*-#/(`,"I#(&,,2(5*-2(5!-*).!(,+ (#1!( .,)":(,+ ($86*-#;(1!(:$:"I#(5%!*2(1$.(+*&&/(( Rise to your feet. Step out of your panties and drop them near L%/(vvvvI.(+*-!(*.(*(.,)@!"$%/(Y$-2()6(',)%(6)86.(*":(.#,-2$">.;(:).#( ',)%.!&+ (,++/(B*&&(',)%(#!86(*>!"-'(*":(&!*@!(#1!8(*(@,$-!(8!..*>!]]( your assignment has just been completed. _a
w a r
r a b b i t D,!&(^*8$%!?
I caught a war rabbitâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;he was golden-footed and triumphant, glory grew as his fur The scars on his face were not cute 5)#($#I.(1*%:(#,(<$"-!(<1!"(&,,2$">(*#(1$8 Triumph and glory spilled out thick as his fur He cotton-tells of cabbage battles and mowed comrades M)#($#I.(1*%:(#,(<$"-!(<1!"(&$.#!"$">(#,(1$8 +,%(1!I.(&)-2(/(/(/(#1,)>1(<%*66!:($"(8$.+,%#)"! Muddled tales of cabbage battles and mowed comrades A1!'(*%!(5,)":&!..(*.(=%.#(:%*+#.( And he is luck but rapt by misfortune He is good at what he does, and it sustains him A1!'(*%!(5,)":&!..(*.(=%.#(:%*+#. These wars of food and love, his speckled competence enough to sustain the tumult He speaks of easy sword strokes Wars of food and love leave blood specks I mistook for markings upon seeing him His spoken word eased out with stroked fur *":(#1)85!:(!*%.(*>*$".#(*"4$!#'(*":(6$"$"> I missed the mark in judging him The scars on his face were not cute E!I.(*"4$,).(<$#1(6$""!:(!*%.(*":(1)85&! He is my golden-footed warrior bunny _i
expectations: Sorry for being no sacajawea `*&#,"(U*M*%>!
s!6#(%,*:(1,)%.(,::n(,"(#,!(6,$"#;(W(*&&(+,)%R!:($# through folds of night ways, coming: quick to admit this arrangement for sheets, unlike seeking-you-out to braid pebbles, knots through your hair, this is 8*66$">7(!@!"(<$#1(8*6.(&*$:(,)#(#,(3,,% &$2!(*(&,@!%;(C6.#*#!("!@!%(*-#)*&&'(2"!<(U*M*%>! and my origin, where bottle slinks on to curse his +,%8!%.;(<*.(",#m6*).!(+,%(-&*$%@,'*"#(=">!%. :,<"(8'(#1%,*#;(.!*%-1(<,%:(+,%(M,'(U,@!(L!(d,# and settle at end to brag about: photocopy his ankles to keptsaked. I remember everything but his course because I am the worst tracker of my tribe, too janky & quick-forgottenâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;traveled by Albany in three joints, each bearing its affects like wands. Like #%$-2.#!%I.(-)6;(1$>1<*'(#,,2(8!(%,)>1(.2$""!:; hard headed and spat me freshly plumed, hung up on ritual: Voodoo powder loves itself in practice, said trucker, but will have your head .1%)"2/(b!&&(+,%(J)$-2;(W(=&&!:(#,(5%$8(<$#1(3,-2. of jailbirds or old beloveds mistaken for jailbirds, who, regardless, took to my brain with teeth. Y%!#!":(!@!%'(5$>R%$>(%!.,&@!.(8!;(5)#(!@!"(#1$. was embarrassing, unlike rest-stops, who rested painless unknowing me. One shot, no bed time can keep me from that a.m. with jumps to let seethe habit into lifestyle: road made easier that way, by a thread and bug-eyed; Dandelion, rowed like saints, *%!(-,"+).!:(5'(#1!(=!&:7(1,<(#,(#!&&(#%!!.(*6*%# was simplest to forget and whether stone road or dirt, I never stood chance against my face to steering-wheel. _c
Color Guard Henry Ring
The Boy Scouts of America is chiefly a fraternal organization, which is reflected in the incredibly high rate of Scouts who return as adult volunteers or leaders, nearly 70 percent. ((((oB,&,%(k)*%:;(*##!"#$,"tp(A1!(5,'(.#!6.(#,(#1!(+%,"#(,+ (#1!( room. His uniform is crisp. His Order of the Arrow sash is bright red and white. His headdress is perfect. He even changed his shoes. I saw him. Mine are still covered in snow. It is melting. It is very hot in here. The pimple on my chin throbs. I stand at the back of the room. My parents are directly in front of us. My mother is whispering to my father. He is staring at the OA rep. My mother turns and winks at me. My father ignores her. Ignores me. ((((oA%,,6;(*##!"#$,"tp(A1!(-%,<:(.#*":./(L'(+*#1!%I.(1!!&.(-&$-2( when they come together. He towers over the crowd. His posture is straight. His eyes are hard. He is nothing like me. ( ( ( oB,&,%( k)*%:;( 6%!6*%!( #,( 6,.#( #1!( -,&,%.tp( A1!%!( *%!( !$>1#( ,+ ().;(,+ (8'(+!&&,<(B)5(9-,)#./(l)%(5&)!()"$+,%8.(*%!(.#*$"!:( with sauce and grease and sap and ash and blood. There is a tiny American flag on each of our shoulders. My father looks back at us, at the flags. Then downwards. The grease stain above my belt. He frowns. His beard wrinkles. We form ranks. Taylor and I hold the flags on wooden poles. Taylor holds the American flag. I have #1!(B)5(9-,)#(+&*>/( ( ( ( ( oB,&,%( k)*%:;( 6,.#( #1!( -,&,%.tp( 0!( *:@*"-!( *":( #1!( ,#1!%.( +,&&,<(5!1$":()./(l)#(,+ (.#!6/(0!(6*..(8'(6*%!"#./(L'(+*#1!%I.( eyes follow us. My uniform smells like my mother. Taylor takes #1!(K8!%$-*"(+&*>(#,(#1!(%$>1#;(#1!(6,.$#$,"(,+ (1,",%/(A1!(B)5( Scout flag always goes on the left. ((((((A*'&,%(.#,6.(OP(+!!#(*<*'(+%,8(#1!(+&*>(.#*":./(W(#*2!(#<,(.#!6.( _e
past him. Stop out of sync. My eyes go wild. I can see my father over the heads of the crowd. Every muscle in his giant frame is taut. He is very tall. My eyes flick to Taylor. He mouths some#1$">(#,(8!/(W(-*"I#()":!%.#*":/ ((((oY,.#(#1!(-,&,%.tp(A1!(lK(%!6(*#(#1!(+%,"#(,+ (#1!(%,,8(-)#.( the usual five-second pause to two. We resume marching. I am the ,&:!.#(9-,)#(1!%!;(,#1!%(#1*"(1$8;(*#(SO/(W(*8(#1!(9-,)#(U!*:!%( of my Den, of my friends. Taylor passes me, leading the two columns of Scouts. I can hear my mother whispering to my father through the rows of standing bodies. He does not bend his head to hear her. (((((oA%,,6(.*&)#!tp(W(."*6(#1%!!(,+ (8'(+$">!%.(#,(8'(!'!5%,</(A1!( crowd shuffles, unsure. Hands find their way to hearts. My moth!%I.( @,$-!( .#,6./( E!%( $":$.#$"-#( <,%:.( !-1,( $"( #1!( ,&:( *%8,%'/( W( can see my notebook tucked under her chair, a few loose sheets from the last story spilling out onto the floor. ((((oY&!*.!(j,$"(8!($"(#1!(Y&!:>!(,+ (K&&!>$*"-!tp In the car ride home, my mother says that she thought it was a wonderful ceremony. She says that she thought the home-made bridge and the older scouts in those ratty old Indian costumes and the colored, scented candles and the story about the wolf and all those painted arrows were just hysterâ&#x20AC;&#x201C; were all just great. (((((L'(+*#1!%(:%$@!.(+*.#/(E!(.*'.(#1*#(1!(<*.(*(M,'(9-,)#/(A1*#($#( was the most important thing that happened to him. That it made him who he is today. That he never made it to Eagle Scout because his mother moved after his father died in the war. He says that this is the first real step for me. I hold the Arrow of Light in 8'(1*":./(W#(8!*".(W(*8(*(M,'(9-,)#/(A1!%!($.(*(6%$-!(#*>(.#$-2!%( under the gold paint. Scalp wounds bleed a great deal, so lessening the bleeding is a primary concern. Apply pressure with your thumbs to either side of the wound, and draw your thumbs together to staunch the flow. (((((oE'6,#1!%8$*/p _g
((((oT$-#$8($.(")85;()"%!.6,".$@!;(1*.(5!-,8!(#,,(-,&:(#,(.1$@!%/( Y*&!"!..($"(.2$"(*%,)":(#1!(+*-!/(M&)!(,%(6)%6&!(&$6.;(+$">!%.;(#,!./( Remove any wet clothes, warm slowly to avoid overheating and causing heat stroke. Warm, but not hot, beverages in water bottles at the armpits, groin, and neck. Sleeping bag to cover. Do not attempt to share your own warmth, as hypothermia could affect ',)( *.( <!&&/( BI8,";( A*'&,%;( 8'( :*:( 1!&6!:( 8!( &!*%"( #1$.( .#)++ ( already.” Taylor glances up from the merit badge book. His face is small *":( 8,).';( *":( <1!"( 1!( >!#.( *"4$,).;( 1!( #*2!.( #1!.!( 5$>;( &,">( blinks with his whole face. His t-shirt is stained with dust. He blinks. ((((ob$"!/(9,(",(8,%!(U$+!.*@$">/(E,<(*5,)#(#1!(9-,)#(U*<h(f,)%( :*:(#!*-1(',)(#1*#hp ((((W"(#1!(>*%*>!/(C":!%(#1!(.$">&!(5)&5/(A1!(%).#'(1,,:(,+ (#1!(-*%( open. Him pointing to black tubes and metal wires. Me not knowing. Staring at the third button on his flannel shirt. Him asking Scout questions. Me not knowing. Staring at the fourth button. E$8(6,$"#$">(#,(#,,&./(L!(",#(2",<$">/(k,$">($".$:!(*&,"!/ ((((L'(+*#1!%($.(.$##$">(_P(+!!#(*<*'(+%,8().($"(*(-*86(-1*$%/(E!( is sleeping. ((((oK(9-,)#($.(#%).#<,%#1';(&,'*&;(1!&6+)&;(+%$!":&';(-,)%#!,).;(2$":;( obedient, cheerful, thrifty… thrifty… thrifty….” (((((A*'&,%(#<$%&.(1$.(+$">!%.;(<*$#./(W(:,"I#(.*'(*"'#1$">/(E!(5&$"2.;( turns back to his book. His lips move silently. I look out, away +%,8( #1!( 6$-"$-( #*5&!( <1!%!( <!I%!( .$##$">/( A1!( >%*..( $.( :%'( *":( dead right up to the shore of the lake, which has a bunch of canoes and swimmers on it. I can hear gunfire from across the lake. Twenty-twos cracking high and repetitive, like hornets, for the ^$+&!%'( 5*:>!/( U,<!%( 5!&-1!.( +,%( 91,#>)"( B!%#$+$-*#$,"/( A*'&,%( and I have both. ((((A1!%!($.(*(5$>(#,#!8(6,&!(8*%2$">(,)%(-*86.$#!/(B*86(b&!!$">( Rock. Initials cover the entire base of the totem pole, up to about five feet. A solid mass of weathered squiggles. ( ( ( k%*"#( *":( `).#$"( :*"-!( *%,)":( #1!( 5*.!( ,+ ( #1!( #,#!8( 6,&!;( j,).#$">(<$#1(#1!(Y*#%,&(+&*>./(A1!(<,,:!"(+&*>6,&!.(-&*-2(&,):&'/( _Q
k%*"#( $.( #<$-!( `).#$"I.(.$?!/(L'(+*#1!%(1*.(.*$:(#1*#(`).#$"(1*.( K``/( A*'&,%( .*$:( #1*#( k%*"#( $.( -&$"$-*&&'( :!6%!..!:/( L'( 8,#1!%(.*$:(#1*#(M,'(9-,)#.(<,)&:(1!&6(8!(8*2!(+%$!":./(L'(#1)85( twitches up and down, wishing for a pen. My father took my notebook out of the front seat of the car and set it on the kitchen -,)"#!%(5!+,%!(<!(&!+#/(W(<,)&:"I#("!!:(#,(<%$#!($"($#(,)#(1!%!/( Taylor sighs and I turn back to him, to Scouts. (((((ol5!:$!"#;(-1!!%+)&;(#1%$+#'x/p(W#I.(>,#(.,8!#1$">(#,(:,(<$#1( helpingâ&#x20AC;Ś with helpingâ&#x20AC;Ś. (((((oA1%$+#'x/p( My father coughs in his sleep. (((((oA1%$+#';(.,8!#1$">;(-&!*"(*":(%!@!%!"#hp( Taylor rolls his eyes. He begins to mouth something to me. A1!%!($.(*(&,):(-&*-2(*":(*(.,5/(W#($.(`).#$"I.(.,5/ I roll off the picnic bench and my heart slams against my chest, .<!*#(6,)%$">(,++ (8'(5,:'/(`).#$"($.(,"(#1!(>%,)":("!4#(#,(#1!( totem pole. My father is still asleep. I run towards Dustin. (((((W(*8(,"(#1!(-,@!%(,+ (M,'I.(U$+!(*.(#1$.(8,"#1I.(+!*#)%!:(M,'( 9-,)#/(W(*8(.1*2$">(#1!(>,@!%",%I.(1*":/(W(*8(5!$">(*<*%:!:(#1!( M%,"?!(M%*@!%'(K<*%:/(W(*8(6*##$">(`).#$"(,"(#1!(5*-2;(1$.(!'!( safely reinserted into his skull. I am looking my father directly in the eyes. ((((((k%*"#($.(.#*":$">("!4#(#,(`).#$"/(`).#$"I.(!'!.(*%!(,6!"/(A1!'( #%*-2(8!(<1!"(W(8*2!(!'!(-,"#*-#(.,(W(2",<(1!I.(*#(&!*.#(*<*%!/( M&,,:($.(%)""$">(:,<"(`).#$"I.(+,%!1!*:/(W(#1$"2(.-*&6(<,)":/(W#( is a uniform red sheet. I crouch down. A single drop has landed ,"(#1!($".$:!(,+ (#1!(&!".(,+ (`).#$"I.(>&*..!./(W(%!*-1(+,%(`).#$"I.( head, no gloves. The blood. Taylor is near me. Spots on the edge ,+ ( 8'( @$.$,"/( k%*"#( *.2.( 8!( .,8!#1$">/( E!( $.( 8)++&!:/( N@!%'thing is far away. Footsteps. Dark. I am on the ground. Taylor is standing over me. My father is +$"$.1$">( <%*66$">( `).#$"I.( 1!*:/( A1!%!( $.( ",( 8,%!( 5&,,:/( L'( 1!*:(1)%#./(`).#$"($.(>,$">(#,(#1!(8!:$-*&(-!"#!%(<$#1(k%*"#/(L'( father says that there is no concussion. I believe him. He was a medic. He mutters four words as he goes back to his chair. (((((oM%*@!;(-&!*"(*":(%!@!%!"#/p aP
Scouts must, in addition to regularly paying their dues, show a continued commitment to their community through service and volunteering. A minimum of four hours a week is recommended for younger Scouts in order to strongly establish the habit. It is cold. The boy playing Akayla is wearing a down jacket. Wolf spirits get cold, too, I guess. His stride is all weird as he <*&2.( :,<"( #1!( #%*$&( *":( W( <,":!%( $+ ( 1!I.( 1)%#( ,%( -%$66&!:( ,%( .,8!#1$">/( M)#( W( #*2!( $#( 5*-2/( W( +!!&( 5*:/( K2*'&*( $.( ",#( 1*":some. His face is overgrown with thick, red stubble. He is dirty, and his headdress is missing feathers, which are fake anyway. His lK( .*.1( $.( ,)#.$:!( 1$.( -,*#( *":( ,"( #1!( <%,">( .$:!/( L*'5!( 1!I.( 1*":$-*66!:/(M)#(K2*'&*($.($"(-1*%>!(,+ (#1!(_P(,+ ()./(E!($.(#1!( <,&+ ( .6$%$#( <1,( >)$:!.( B)5( 9-,)#.( $"#,( M,'( 9-,)#.( *":( !&!-#!:( M,'(9-,)#.($"#,(#1!(l%:!%(,+ (#1!(K%%,</(W(1*@!(5!!"(!&!-#!:/(9,( has Taylor. Dustin advocated for us, grinning. Saying that we were the best of the best. His voice squeaked when he lied. When he said that he was sorry to miss out on all the fun and all the honor. My father was not at that meeting. He drove us out here, though. A1%!!( 1,)%.( $"#,( #1!( 96*"$.1( Y!*2.( <$&:!%"!../( E!( *":( A*'&,%( talked the whole way. About cars. About sports. About Scouts. I wrote in the back. When we reached the trailhead, with all of the Scouts waiting silently for us, he reached across me and opened my door. He nodded at the woods. He put his hand on the notebook and I let him take it. His eyes met mine. There was a reason I was out here. When we are four miles in, Akayla points to some juniper bushes beside the trail and there is dirt under his fingernail. I sit. The others tramp onwards and I lose sight of them after a few minutes as the pine trees swallow them up. I cannot speak. I can",#( 8,@!( 8,%!( #1*"( cP( +!!#( +%,8( #1$.( j)"$6!%( 5).1( )"#$&( :*<"( tomorrow, even if it rains or the forest burns down or anything. W(*&.,(-*"",#(!*#(,%(:%$"2(5)#(#1*#(:,!."I#(8*##!%(*.(8)-1('!#/(W( -,)&:"I#(5%$">(*"'#1$">(<$#1(8!(,"(#1!(l%:!*&(!4-!6#(8'(2"$+!/( W(&$.#!"(+,%(*(<1$&!/(A1!(.#%!*8(W(1!*%:(!*%&$!%($.(OPP(+!!#(*<*'(,"( aS
the wrong side of the trail. It is cold. I am not allowed to build a +$%!;(5)#(W(:,"I#(#1$"2(W(-,)&:(*"'<*'/(A1!(#%$-2(8'(+*#1!%(.1,<!:( me only works when you have a bow and kindling and a slotted 6$!-!(,+ (:%'(<,,:(*":(*(&,#(,+ (#$8!(*":(",(6%!..)%!/(W(-*"I#(!@!"( do it in our driveway. I sit down but I notice that the soil is damp *":($#I.(.#*%#$">(#,(.!!6($"#,(8'(j!*".(.,(W(.#*":()6/(A1!%!($.(<!#( dirt and pine needles stuck to my butt, and I am colder. I start to run in a circle, think of the sweat, think of the wet clothes, think of the cold, and stop. I walk over to the juniper bush. Taylor showed me how to strip their gnarled branches and make a mattress. It is prickly and cold and dry. I sit. It gets dark. ((((((A,8,%%,<;(W(<$&&(*<*2!(*#(:*<"(*":(5!>$"(#1!(=%.#(,+ (#<,(:*'.( of Silent Service. Trail maintenance, dock repair, kitchen patrol to start off with, then, at dusk, all of the Scouts will gather for M%!*2$">(,+ (#1!(b*.#/(l"!(1*%:R5,$&!:(!>>(*":(.,8!(1,#(#!*/(0!( will not be allowed to talk until the closing ceremony at the end ,+ (#1!(.!-,":(:*';(<1!"(#1!%!I&&(5!(*(5,"+$%!(.,(<!(-*"(+$"*&&'(>!#( warm, and I think some awards, and a big Indian dance. The boys in costume will be white, like me and everyone else who is in the Scouts. My mother would laugh. My eyes snap open. Something is in the woods to my left. It crackles through the underbrush. My nostrils flare. My hand flips ,6!"( 8'( #<,( *":( *( 1*&+ ( $"-1( .!%%*#!:;( &,-2$">;( M,'( 9-,)#.( ,+ ( K8!%$-*(6,-2!#(2"$+!/(A1!(M9K(@!%.).(#1!(M$>(M*:(M!*%/(W"(#1!( :*%2;(8*'5!(_P(+!!#(*<*';(*(5%*"-1(.1$+#.(5)#(:,!."I#(5%!*2/(d,#( a bear, too light, too careful. A dark shape moves too quickly between trees. I stand. A mountain lion, I think. They try to sneak up behind you and grab you by your neck with their jaws and rip out your jugular and break your spine all at once. They jump on ',)( +%,8( 5!1$":( *":( ',)( j).#( >,( :,<"/( WI8( ",#( .)%!( #1,)>1/( W( :,"I#(!@!"(2",<($+ (#1!'(-,8!($"#,(#1!(<,,:./(L*'5!($#I.(.,8!#1$">(!&.!/(L*'5!($#I.(*(:!!%/(l%(",#(*(:!!%/(W#(-$%-&!.(8!/(W(:,"I#( .!!($#.(.1*6!(*>*$"/(W#(-$%-&!.(8!/(W(:,"I#(1!*%($#(8,@$">(*"'8,%!( but the silence is worse than hearing it move. It has stopped and 8*'5!($#I.(j).#(<*$#$">(+,%(8!(#,(#)%"(*<*'/(l%(8*'5!($#I.(.#$&&(-$%-&$">(*":(",<(W(-*"I#(1!*%($#/(W(*8(*&,"!/(W(#1$"2(,+ (8'(+*#1!%/(W( aO
cannot call for help. I cannot leave. I am cold. The third rule of Poisonous Vermin Discipline is that open packs, boots, socks, tents, sleeping bags and jackets with pockets must all be Securely Closed III (less than a dimesized opening) or hung from a rack no less than five feet tall. The bank of the river is warm and muddy between my toes, *":(#1!(.)"($.(1,#(*":(5%$>1#(,"(8'(-1!!2./(WI8(.#*%#$">(#,(<,%%'( about sunburn as Taylor gets out on the other end and helps me heave the canoe farther up on shore. We are the Trip Leaders for #1$.( 8,"#1I.( -*",!( +&,*#;( .,( <!( *%!( #1!( +$%.#( #,( #,:*'I.( &*":$">/( 0!I%!($"(#1!(+,,#1$&&.;(<$#1(%,&&$">(.*>!(*":(-&$++.(*":(1)>!(5,)&:!%.( *":( <!I%!( j).#( -&,.!( !",)>1( #,( #1!( 8,)"#*$".( #,( .#$&&( #!-1nically be in bear country. I lean over the side of the canoe and grab the bear spray, clipping it to my belt. Always be prepared. L$4!:($"(<$#1(#1!(.*>!($.(*(:$.6%,6,%#$,"*#!&'(1$>1(%*#$,(,+ (-*-#).;( 8,.#&'( 6%$-2&'( 6!*%;( <1$-1( $."I#( #,,( 5*:( 5!-*).!( #1!( #1,%".( *%!(5$>(*":(!*.'(#,(#*2!(,)#/(Y&).;(#1!(<1,&!(6&*"#($.(5%$>1#(%!:;( at least this far north, which makes it easy to spot. My father says $#I.(#,,(>,,:(,+ (*('!*%(+,%(-*-#).(*":(#,,(5*:(*('!*%(+,%(#1!(-,<./( Taylor and I spend a few minutes washing our feet and puting on our boots. Taylor looks up from his laces and squints, then 6,$"#./(A1!%!I.(*(5$>(.#,"!(,)#-%,66$">m>%*"$#!(,%(.-1$.#(,%(,"!( of those rocksâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;about a mile downriver. At the top is a tiny pinprick of blue sky in the bluff. The Eye of the Needle. Tonight, 8'(+*#1!%($.(&!*:$">(#1!(Y*#%,&(,"(*(.#*%&$>1#(1$2!(#,(#1$.(5$>(%,-2( arch where you can do some basic astral navigation. Astronomy and Hiking merit badges, as well as Night Miles for the Nocturnal N46&,%!%(5*:>!/(W(*8(!*%"$">(*&&(,+ (#1!.!/(L'(+*#1!%(:$:(5!+,%!( me. I did not bother to bring my notebook. ((((W(.#*":()6(*":(>!#(*(>,,:(&,,2(*#(<1!%!(<!I@!(-1,.!"(#,(-*86/( A1!%!I.(*(.-%*>>&'(&$"!(,+ (>%!!"(5%).1(5!#<!!"().(*":(*(cPR+,,#( circle of cleared sage. The nearest trees are nearly a mile away, which means there are probably snakes and maybe scorpions. It means that our sunburned, dehydrated followers will have to sit a_
$"( #1!( .)"( *":( >!#( 8,%!( :!1':%*#!:/( W#( 8!*".( #1*#( +,%( #1!( "!4#( :*'(*":(*(1*&+;(!@!%',"!(<$&&(1*@!(#,(6%*-#$-!(Y,$.,",).(T!%8$"( Discipline, which is a pain and a half. This is our faultâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;we picked the landings and this is the third one in a row without shade. Dustin will be ticked off. Taylor groans. I shrug. Taylor starts towards the clearing and there is a crack-rattle-&$-2$">/( 0!( 5,#1( +%!!?!/( A1!( %*##&!( -,8!.( *>*$"/( A*'&,%( 5*-2.( up. We grab the paddles. I start forward now, slowly. The rattling again. We are over a hundred miles away from a hospital. Anything the snake bites will have to be cut off. This is stupid beyond belief. I will die. Taylor is matching my advance. The rattling stops. I can hear his breath. He blinks hard enough he twitches. The snake moves out from under the brush. It moves to the right. K<*'(+%,8()./(W(.#!6(+,%<*%:/(W#(:,!."I#(&,,2()6/(W(5%$">(#1!(6*:dle down on its head. Quickly. The snake snaps at the paddle. I jump back. The snake moves to the right. I bring the paddle down again. It snaps, I jump. It moves to the right, I hit it. Snap-jump, move-hit. Snap-jump, move-hit. (((((oA1$.($.(.*:;(8*"/(s$&&($#;(:,"I#(6&*'(<$#1($#/p I bring the paddle over my head. The snake darts towards my legs. I jump back. My footing is bad and I fall backwards into the river mud. I scream. My paddle connects with something. There is a thunk as a paddle sinks into soft river mud. Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. Taylor is over me. The edge of his paddle is bloody. There is a bruise forming on his cheek. There is mud on my shorts, in my boots, my hair. He grins. (((((oW(#1$"2(<!(-*"(!*#($#/p ( ( ( ( M'( #1!( #$8!( 8'( +*#1!%( *":( #1!( ,#1!%( .-,)#.( *%%$@!;( #1!%!( *%!( only snake bones in the cook fire. My father sees the campsite and I can see his shoulders slump and then tighten with disappointment before his canoe even lands. When he strides into camp, he sees the bones. He sees my muddy shorts. He sees the blood on #1!(6*::&!("!4#(#,(8'(#!"#/(E$.(.8$&!($.(*&8,.#(#,,(J)$-2(+,%(8!( to see.
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The Scout Oath and Law instill the same social and civic virtues in young men around the country. Any Scout in America can recognize another by their unfailing adherence to these creeds. We shovel snow. It takes us a solid two minutes of shoveling 5!+,%!( <!I%!( :,<"( :!!6( !",)>1( #,( .!!( >%*..( *"'<1!%!/( W#( 8).#( be three feet deep, maybe four. I take off my jacket. We circle around a growing mound of snow, piling it as high as we can. The scent of pine trees is strong as we pull more frigid air into our lungs. We stop, panting, to stir the snow so that it will sinter and harden properly. Taylor takes off his jacket. The air is thin and -,&:( *":( :%'( #1$.( 1$>1( )6;( *":( <!I%!( 5,#1( 6%!##'( <$":!:/( 0!I%!( $"(#1!(.1*:,<(,+ (U,"!1,%"(Y!*2;(<1$-1(&,,2.(&$2!(#1!(8,)"#*$"( #1!(k%$"-1(<,)&:(&$@!(,"mj*>>!:;(-,@!%!:($"(.",<;(#,,(5$>(#,(5!( real. We shovel. The mound reaches five feet. I am gasping. The 8,)":(%!*-1!.(.$4(+!!#/(A*'&,%(-1!-2.(1$.(*&&R6)%6,.!(<*#-1/( (((((o9!@!"#!!"(:!>%!!./p (((((o`*8"$#/p( I put on my jacket, which crinkles, starched hard with my fro?!"(.<!*#/(K-%,..(#1!(-&!*%$">;(`).#$"(*":(k%*"#(*%!(.#$&&(.1,@!&$">(*<*'(#,(5)$&:(#1!$%(J)$"?!!/(L'(+*#1!%(*":(L%/(L,,%!(*%!(,)#( of sight. Taylor looks at me. I am still panting. (((((o0!(*%!"I#(.)66,.!:(#,(j).#(.#*":(*%,)":(<1$&!($#(.$"#!%./(W#I.( like a three-hour wait.â&#x20AC;? (((((oW(2",</(W(5)$&#(,"!($"(8'(5*-2'*%:('!.#!%:*'/p (((((oK&,"!hp ( ( ( ( ( of!*1/( W#( -*@!:( $"( ,"( 8!/( L'( :*:( <*.( <*#-1$">( +%,8( #1!( kitchen. He got me out. He was pissed.â&#x20AC;? When we got here, he stabbed at the ground with his finger. I 8!#(1$.(>*?!(*":(1$.(8,)#1(<*.(6)-2!%!:(&$2!(*(.61$"-#!%;(1$.(&$6.( <1$#!/(M)$&:(1!%!/(`,($#(%$>1#/( (((((oA1!"x(-,,2h(B)#(<,,:hp (((((o0,,:/p( We go back to the car and get the hatchet and the sled and the folding bow saw and go deeper into the woods. It takes us maybe ai
Si( 8$")#!.( ,+ ( <*:$">( #1%,)>1( #1!( :!!6( .",<( #,( +$":( *( :!-!"#( 6*#-1(,+ (:!*:(6$"!.(*8,">(#1!(&$@$">(,"!./(Y%,5*5&'(:,"!($"(5'( 5!!#&!./(A1!("!!:&!.(*%!(5%,<"/(W(."*6(,"!(,++/(M%!*2($#()":!%(8'( nose. (((((o`!*:;(5)#(W(:,"I#(#1$"2($#I.(%,##$">('!#/p (((((oB*"(',)(.8!&&(*"'#1$">hp (((((od,/p (((((oW+ (#1!("!!:&!.(.8!&&(&$2!(-,66!%;($#I.(%,##!"/p (((((oA1!'(:,"I#(.8!&&(&$2!(*"'#1$">/p Taylor snaps off a needle and smells it. He blinks, twitches, looks at me. (((((of,)I%!(%$>1#/(d,(.8!&&/p (((((oW(+,%>,#/(W(&,.#(8'(A,*#(dI(B1$6/(W(-*"I#().!(*(.*<(%$>1#(",</p (((((of,)(:,"I#("!!:($#(,"(',)/(f,)(j).#("!!:(#,(1*@!($#/p (((((oW(:,"I#/p (((((oW(#1,)>1#(',)(>,#(%!R-!%#$+$!:(*#(#1!(d*#$,"*&(D*85,%!!/p (((((oW(:$:/(W(&,.#($#(*>*$"(#1,)>1/(A1!(Y$"!<,,:(`!%5'(-,86!#$tion.â&#x20AC;? I take off my gloves. There are deep cuts on four of my +$">!%./(ol"!(+,%(!*-1(-,%"!%(,+ (#1!(-!%#$+$-*#!/(L'(:*:(.*<(#1!8( . He made me cut them off like in the manual. I have to get recertified.â&#x20AC;? (((((ol2*'/(WI&&(-)#(#1!"/p( The pines are on a slight rise, so he picks one and makes a straight cut on the downhill side, then a diagonal one on the uphill .$:!(.,(#1!(<1,&!(#1$">(<$&&(+*&&(:,<"1$&&/(K.(#1!(5,<(.*<(<1$??!.( back and forth through the wood, Taylor blinks and twitches at the end of every stroke. (((((of,)(,2*'hp (((((of!*1/(f!*1/p(E!(.*<./ (((((od!!:(',)%(8!:.hp (((((od,/(D).#]p(#<$#-1;(o*(&$##&!;(W(:,"I#(2",</(L'(5%,#1!%I.(5!!"( $"(U)6,"(*(8,"#1/(0!(1*@!"I#(1!*%:(+%,8(1$8/p (((((oW(#1,)>1#(#1!(Y!*-!(B,%6.(.*$:(#1*#(1!I:(1*@!(%!>)&*%(8*$&/p (((((oA1!'(&$!:/p We listen to the sound of steel on wood for a while. I speak first. ac
(((((of,)(2",<;(#1!'(>$@!(',)(#1$.(6%$"#,)#(<1!"(',)(5!-,8!(*"( Eagle Scout. At the top it has a list of famous people who were N*>&!(9-,)#.;(&$2!(k!%*&:(b,%:(*":(d!$&(K%8.#%,">/(A1!"(#1!%!I.( #1$.(6$!(>%*61(+,%(<1!%!(N*>&!(9-,)#.(!":()6/(W#I.(&$2!;(S(6!%-!"#( %*":,8(,--)6*#$,".;(Q(6!%-!"#(-&!%>';(OP(6!%-!"#(6,&$#$-$*".;(eP( percent in the military, with half of those guys getting medals or promotions or whatever.” The saw rasps away. ( ( ( ( of!*1/( f!*1;( #1*#I.( *&%$>1#/( M)#( K%#1)%( M$.1,6( <*.( *"( N*>&!( Scout.” (((((o01,(<*.(1!hp (((((o9!%$*&(2$&&!%/(K":(D,1"(^,5$".,"m.!%$*&(2$&&!%/(K":(B1*%&!.( 01$#8*"m-%*?'( ."$6!%( <1,( 2$&&!:( *( 5)"-1( ,+ ( 6!,6&!( $"( A!4*.( from a clock tower. I googled it.” (((((ol1/p( The tree falls. Taylor uses the hatchet to begin snapping off branches. He uses clinical, downward strokes to separate the branches from the trunk where they are weakest, a half inch from where the branch and trunk join. He twitches with each blow. He does not miss. The Eagle Scout Rank is the highest in Scouting. Only truly dedicated Scouts, who have made a great commitment to Scouting above and beyond what is expected of them, manage to obtain this rank. (((((oA1!"(W(<!&-,8!(',)(#,(#1!(N*>&!(9-,)#./p( The bulky man in front of me stands and holds out his left hand, which is covered in liver spots and small scars and thick, white hair. I take it, looping my pinky and ring finger around 1$.( $":!4( *":( 8$::&!( +$">!%.;( >$@$">( 1$8( #1!( o.!-%!#p( l%:!%( ,+ ( the Arrow handshake and sealing my status as an Eagle Scout. He smiles and nods to me and then to the other old men in the dingy basement. It smells like mildew and the windows high on the walls are all stained glass and the whole thing is just a bit din>$!%;(.,8!1,<;(#1*"(W(#1,)>1#($#I:(5!/(A1!("!4#(8*"(#,(#*2!(8'( ae
1*":($."I#(*"(lK;(5)#(1!(#%$!.(#,(>$@!(8!(#1!(1*":.1*2!(*"'<*'( and I pull my hand away and he looks hurt and then he grins and holds out his right hand for me to shake with the standard M,'(9-,)#(6$"2'R,"&'R&,,6/(A1!("!4#(#1%!!(8!"(*%!(*&&(>%$""$">( as I take their hands, and all of the badges and awards on their #*";( #*)>1#R,@!%R+&*5( )"$+,%8.( *%!( +*:!:/( A1!( `$.#%$-#( B,)"-$&( B1$!+;(#1!(5$>>!.#(,"!;(%!*-1!.()":!%(1$.(-1*$%;(.8$&$">/(E!(6&*-!.( a brown paper sandwich bag in my hand. (((((oA1!%!I.().)*&&'(*(#<,R<!!2(<*$#(<1$&!(#1!(8!:*&($.(,%:!%!:;( *":( ",%8*&&'( $#( -,8!.( $"( *( &$##&!( <1$#!( 5,4( <$#1( #1%!!( 6$".( #1*#( read Mentor, Mother, and Father mounted inside. You give those ,)#(*#(*(-!%!8,"'(&*#!%(,"/(M)#(<!(+$>)%!:(',)(+,%(*(<$""!%;(.,( we ordered them a little early, and in the meantime my dog got to #1!(5,4/(0!I@!(>,#(*(+,%8*&(6%!.!"#*#$,"(-!%!8,"'(.-1!:)&!:(+,%( a month from now, but you can hang onto these until then. After all, you are one of us now.â&#x20AC;? (((((A1!(5*>(1*.(*(>%!*.!(.#*$"(*":(WI8(<,":!%$">($+ (#1$.(>)'(j).#( 6)#(*(<*.1!:R,)#(9-,)#I.(.#)++ ($"(1$.(&)"-1(5*>(<1!"(W(",#$-!(#1*#( W(1*@!"I#(8,@!:(*#(*&&(+,%(*(+!<(.!-,":.(*":(.,8!(,+ (#1!(,&:(>)'.( *%!(#!*%$">()6(5!-*).!(#1!'(8).#(#1$"2(WI8(*5,)#(#,(#!*%()6/(( ((((((A1!(`BB(.6!*2.()6(*>*$";(of,)(.1,)&:(>,(,)#.$:!(.,"/(f,)I%!( :*:I.(,)#(#1!%!/(WI8(.)%!(1!I&&(<*"#(#,(2",<(1,<($#(*&&(-*8!(,)#/p ( ( ( ( E!I.( &!*"$">( *>*$".#( #1!( .$:!( ,+ ( #1!( N46&,%!%( <1!"( W( -&$85( out of the church basement, in his Sunday best. The parking lot fluorescents catch the broken glass between me and him and it crunches just loudly enough under my feet that he feels he needs to react. He pushes off from the car and stands fully erect. I can hear his heels click together and I keep my head down, my hands cupped around the cool metal in each hand, the sandwich bag long gone, and I am still concealing the medals, even though we have both known now, for over a year, that it was just the final paperwork and the final review and it was all just bureaucratic nonsense, but I am still doing this, still walking towards him into the flickering blue light, cupping my hands at my sides like a goddamn infant. I stop a foot away from him and we both just stand there and ag
stand there and stand there and he is still taller than me so eventu*&&'(W(1*@!(#,(&,,2()6(*":(<1!"(W(:,(1!I.(&,,2$">(:,<"(*#(8!(*":( 1!I.(.!!$">(8!;(%!*&&'(.!!$">(8!(*":(8'(+*-!(*":(8'()"$+,%8(*":( my badges and my cupped, sweaty hands. I raise my right hand *":()"-)%&(8'(6*&8/(A1!%!I.(*(.$&@!%(5*%(<$#1(.,8!(#!4#(*":(*(%!:;( white, and blue ribbon. At the bottom of the ribbon, an eagle hangs. His hand reaches down and rests on top of mine and I can feel him shuddering, can see him shuddering. He does not see me. He sees a uniform and a badge and himself in my clothes. I move my hand down, away from his. I tuck the medal in my pocket. His eyes dim. I bring my left hand up, the tiny Father pin pinched between thumb and forefinger. He smiles. I rest the pin on the collar of his shirt. I push through the white starched collar. I pull away, leaving the pin. He reaches to his collar and #,)-1!.(#1!(6$"/(Y)&&.(#1!(-,&&*%(*<*'(+%,8(1$.("!-2/ There is a small hole in his skin where the pin was. A dot of blood wells out of it, catching the parking lights on its almostblack surface. The drop rolls down into his shirt and a tiny, tiny blossom of red appears through the starched fabric. I look up to his eyes, away from the blood. There is something mangled in there.
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rolePlaying edith Hamilton E r i c a We a ve r L'(1,%$?,"(5%!*2.($"(+,%!.#.( and hills as hymen, eyes closed, swans molt on the bank, and the moon lurches from clouds like drunk, its face blotched and beer-puffedâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; E!(.*'.(<!#(',)%(=">!%.;(*":(W(:%*< the curtains; draw closer. I ask for my high school memories, my coming of age, whether I will always be beautiful. Nothing is better than shaving his face than lying together spliced on the mattress. He reaches for me in his sleep, and tonight I will not be lonely; will be clotted cream as he takes more of the sheet, *":(W(:%!*8(,+ (M*--1).(<$#1(#1!(.2$"( of a tiger, dangling a bunch of wild grapesâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Rockabye.
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Directions Rebecca Taylor Take me back Twelve miles out Y*.#(#1!(1,%.!(%*-!. And old money estates Y*.#(#1!(5!!%R:%)"2(6$-2)6. To where the fences stop And there is nothing left M)#(<,,:. K(.8*.1!:(>%!!"(8*$&5,4 A sharp right turn Onto washed-out gravel Wheels sunk deep In Virginia clay B)#(#1!(!">$"! B&$85(,)# s"!!R1$>1($"(#$-2(>%*.. Y,-2!:(<$#1(%$@!%(%,-2. Stray dog funeral markers The tire swing Rope rotten but hanging And the house With the two-toned roof M$%:.("!.#$">($"(#1!(6,%-1(&$>1# Spiders breeding in the bathtub The septic stink of rain Hurricane lamps lit Windows tree sapped M!:.()"8*:! How I loved The way A1!(3,,%5,*%:. Ached. iS
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Contributorsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; notes Liam Carney(>$@!.(.6!-$*&(#1*"2.(#,(L%/(N:8)":(M)%2!F.(1'6!%R -1*)@$"$.#(#1!,%$!.(,+ (*!.#1!#$-.(G.!!(A Philosophical Inquiry into the Origin of Our Ideas of the Sublime and BeautifulH/ Glenn Hills, if he were a cheese, would be a droopy, brandywashed stinker from Vermont, wrapped, of course, in spruce bark. Dalton LaBarge(<*.("*8!:(*+#!%(Y*#%$-2(9<*'?!F.(-1*%*-#!%($"(Road House/(E$.(>,*&.($"-&):!(9-$!"#,&,>'(U!@!&(g(*":(5!-,8$">(!$#1!%(*( beauty queen or blind spirit medium. Joel Ramirez(5!>*"(<%$#$">(5!-*).!(1!(1*.(:$+=-)&#'(<$#1(%!*&R#$8!/(( Women seem to respond well to poetic recompense, and his tendency to be, shall we say, uncouth offers frequent occasion for its utility. Henry Ring,(B,&)85$*(B,&&!>!(OPSO;($.(*(.,61,8,%!($"(#1!(-%!*#$@!(<%$#$">(6%,>%*8/(E!(<,)&:(&$2!(#,(#1*"2(#1!(M,'(9-,)#.(+,%( being such good sports about the whole thing. Rebecca Taylor was raised in the Virginia woods. For now, she &$@!.($"(d!<(f,%2(B$#'/((A1$.($.(1!%(=%.#(&$#!%*%'(6)5&$-*#$,"/ Alice Wade($.(*(B,&)85$*(B,&&!>!(.!"$,%/(91!(5!-*8!($"#!%!.#!:($"( 6,!#%'(*.(*(-1$&:(*+#!%(1!*%$">(k*%#1I.(1*$2);(o0!(*%!(&,,2$">(:,<"( ,"(0*'"!I.(5*.!8!"#/p Erica Weaver;(B,&)85$*(B,&&!>!(OPSO;(&,@!.(5,,2.;(:%!..!.(*":( l&:(N">&$.1/(91!(-*"(,+#!"(5!(+,)":($"(#1!(E)">*%$*"(Y*.#%'(91,6;( <1!%!(.1!(:%$"2.(!4-!..$@!(*8,)"#.(,+ (-,++!!/ Fu Yitian($.(.!-%!#&'(*(-*#/(E!(=":.(*&<*'.(&*":$">(,"(1$.(+!!#(:$+=cult and sparrows delicious. Every Thursday, he dreams he is a lion. i_
Quarto staff N4!-)#$@!(N:$#,%. B*.!'(M&*-2 Molly Morgan ^!*:$">(k)%) Jay Yencich Visual Editor d,!&&!(M,:$-2 Events Editor Jared Frieder Web Editor Matt Hamilton Scrubber r*-1(k&)5$*2 Editors `$*"*(B&*%2! L*%#1*(b$#?>!%*&: Jacob Hartman Amital Issac K&$.1*(s*6&*" ^!5!--*(s)#?!%R^$-! B*&$"*(L*::!" Leena Mahan Maura Naughton B&*$%!(9*5!&( Shira Schindel Amalia Scott Advisor K8'(M!".," ia
thank you `$*"!(*":(k%!>(L,%>*";(Y*#%$-$*(^$-!(*":(9#!61!"(s)#?!%;(*":( B'"#1$*(9#,"!(*":(`,"*&:(d/9/(C">!%(+,%(',)%(>!"!%,).(:,"*#$,".( #,(#1$.('!*%I.($..)!(,+ (Quarto. M!*&.(*":(B$6%$*"(+,%(',)%(5$%#1./ M,5(9-,##(+,%(-,8$">($"(!*%&'(*":(&!##$">().(&$@!($"(_Pi(M)#&!%/ M,,2(B)&#)%!(*":(Y!">)$"(M,,2.(+,%(',)%(>!"!%,.$#'/ B*86,(+,%(-,"#$")$">(#,(.)66,%#(,)%(8*>*?$"!/ B1%$.#$"*(^)86+ (+,%(=&&$">(`,%&*I.(6,.$#$,"/ BCWA(+,%(8*2$">(,)%(<!5.$#!(6,..$5&!/ `,%&*(L*-$"#,.1(+,%(:,$">(NTN^fAEWdk/ Douglas Repetto for access to secret spaces. k%!>(B&,)*#%!(+,%(=&8$">;(:$%!-#$">(*":(*-#$">($"(,)%(6!!%&!..(Quarto commerical. A1!(b*-)&#'(,+ (#1!(B%!*#$@!(0%$#$">(`!6*%#8!"#(+,%(8!"#,%$">(*":( encouraging your students to submit. The Journal for helping us throw a great event. D)&$!(Y,,&!;(d*#(K&&*%:(*":(A*8$(N6!&5*)8(+,%(',)%(#$8!/ L*%>)!%$#!(T*"(B,,2(+,%(*&<*'.(5!$">(#1!%!/ Y*8(s!""!:'(+,%(',)%(3!4$5$&$#';(6*#$!"-!(*":(>,,:(1)8,%/ ii