Queer Writes Edition One

THE UNSW QUEER COLLECTIVE MAGAZINE

QUEER WRITES

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Contents II

Editors Letter

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// HER // Photos From Mardi Gras How to say you hate men until he messages you first I once shat myself at the gym, it wasnt the biggest poop but I still had to leave immediately Queer Fortunes Edgar Allen Ho Queer Shot - An Intimate Look at Queer Interior Life Autumn Crocus

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Editors Letter Head Editor Lungol Wekina Editors Eric Qian Jacqui Orme Administration Valerie Ho Head Designer Indi Sofyar Cover Art Shu Li Art Annabelle Cheung Indi Sofyar Articles Charlie Bradford Ollie Watson

Welcome to the brand new (sparkly) Queer Writes.

We are the voice of the LGBTQIA+ student body here at UNSW, and we are proudly brought to you by your SRC’s Queer Collective. We bring you all things topical, funny, creative, thirsty, and artistic by some of your favourite queers on campus!

In this edition, we pay homage to the stunning trans icon Laverne Cox. Cox has had a prolific film career, and was the first out transgender woman to be nominated for a primetime emmy award in any acting category. She has also appeared on the cover of Time Magazine and is a proud advocate for the transgender community and LGBTQIA+ rights.

Our history as a community is so often untold and forgotten – as such, Queer Writes hopes to keep it alive every edition by giving you covers celebrating the people that have fought so hard before us and those who continue to do so among us. So keep an eye out every three weeks for your tri-weekly dose of education, creativity, and good old-fashioned mess.

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// HER //

By Caity B.

her kisses of gin and smoke chosen poisons implanted on my tongue a musky bittersweet flavour that left me longing for more

she started to “monologue” a cascade of her truths I was absorbed by her energy honoured to bare witness to such glorious existence my heart thudded to the beat of her

when we went to her bed I wasn’t apologising there were no racing thoughts as I breathed in her essence and felt alive

because she didn’t set the guidelines the rules and expectations of what defines “beauty” and who we should please if I’m with a man I get caught up in how I’m supposed to be but with her it’s easy.

I yearn for that freedom again.

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Photos From Mardi Gras

By Annabelle Cheung

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How to say you hate men until he messages you rst

By Ollie Watson

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t’s the mantra of the times: men suck. Whether you

the past three days? Give him a taste of his own

are laughing about it over brunch, stitching it into a

medicine, and leave that message sitting in your

decorative tea towels, or whispering it to yourself as

inbox for seventeen minutes. That will really make up

you scrollthrough his Instagram in your bed at 1am,

for the past 72 hours.

we’ve all been there!

Nothing is more on-brand for a male -attracted person of the times than constantly reiterating your disgust at men in general, especially at those moments you’re pining after them the most.

Complaining about their lack of consideration, encyclopaedic knowledge of car makes, and disdain for astrology is a well-known therapeutic activity, and frankly, it’s what you’re known for. At this point, you have become your friends’ go-to whenever they need to complain about men, because you’re so damn good at it.

While there is never a bad time to complain about a man’s poor communication skills, poor relationship with grooming or obsession with Reddit, it’s especially easy to do when it’s radio silence on his end. You know when you were the last one to start a conversation on messenger, you know he has been online three times in the past hour, and you know his phone has a twelve-hour battery life, and these are the perfect facts to fuel your righteous outrage.

But how do you keep the same moral anger when he finally messages you first?

There are three important points to remember:

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He’s messaged you first, sure, but why has it taken him this long? You may be overjoyed

with the knowledge that out of everyone in his life, in the past five minutes he has chosen to talk to you, but try and temper that joy with a bit of perspective: who has he been messaging instead of you for

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What has he messaged you about? Is he complaining about his uni workload? His

exam timetable? How stressed he is balancing his extensive social life that doesn’t seem to involve you with work commitments? Before you complete that online counselling course so that you can be the best shoulder for him to cry on out of all the other shoulders he has access to, ask yourself: does he want to talk to me, or at me? Knowing isn’t going to stop you playing psychologist for the next hour, but you can still be mad about it.

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Finally, how often does this happen? If this is the first time there has been a lull in his

responsiveness, you were probably justifying it to yourself that he was busy spending time with his family that he said he doesn’t get along with, or catching up on an assignment you know he doesn’t have! But if this was only the latest occasion in a series of ghostings, let that anger flow! Without proof in the form of hourly updates on his Instagram story, it’s safe to assume the worst: that he’s deliberately avoiding making plans with you because you’re annoying and unattractive.

So, whenever you’re struggling to maintain your image of righteous outrage at men because he sent you a message and now you’ve put your life on hold to plan your future wedding with him, remember to hone in on all his flaws! Love is good, but the clout you garner from #relatable social media posts is better, and there’s no better way to relate to your audience than complaining about men.

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ww I ONCE SHAT MYSELF AT THE GYM , IT WASNT THE BIGGEST POOP BUT I STILL HAD TO LEAVE IMMEDIATELY

By Charlie Bradford

Poor hand-eye coordination paired with numerous

what a gay man should look like, be it at a pride

injuries to keep me out of most team sports

parade, in a movie, or even in porn, they had perfect

throughout highschool and archery, while fun, is not

bodies. That had never felt more out of reach to me.

the most physically demanding of activities. After

I felt like a failure.

graduation, I wanted to change everything. I joined a gym, started a routine, and kept at it for two solid

I spent a lot of time just reading about going to the

weeks. Then I got glandular fever. Boy oh boy was

gym, as if it were some proxy for actually attending.

that bad. I was sleeping 16 hours a day and lost 25

Eventually I found a program that I really liked

kilos in 3 months. So that’s how I entered my adult

the look of (5/3/1 for beginners). So on a Sunday

life, at 185 cm tall, 59 kg heavy and with some real

evening I flipped a coin. Heads, I set an alarm for

bad feelings about my body.

5:45 and go the gym in the morning, tails, I don’t.

The coin landed on tails so I flipped it two more

Gyms shouldn’t be scary but they kind of are.

times until I got heads. Then at 5:50 I flipped it until

Especially if you feel like you’re too thin or too

I got tails and could go back to the bed. I ended up

fat or too weak. This made returning to the gym

walking into the gym a bit after 9. It was emptier

much harder for me than going initially. When I

than the first time, which was nice. Figuring out

finally felt like I was well enough to go back, first

when the gym was emptiest really helped me in the

I procrastinated and lied to myself for two weeks,

first couple months. I exercised for 45 minutes and

then I finally went, getting there just before 6 on

then went home. No dropped weights, no dramas.

a Monday morning because Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson told me that’s what successful people

Slowly but surely things started going better, by

do. I prepared to deadlift, loading up the bar with

the time August of my first year of uni rolled around

the same weights I’d been using before I got sick.

I finally felt alright on less than 10 hours of sleep.

Obviously no warm up. Clearly only suckers do

I found a harder program that had me in the gym

warm ups. The weight nearly got to my knees

nearly everyday (nSuns six-day squat program). I

before I had to put it down. I looked around, had

could pick up very heavy weights by my previous

anyone seen me embarrass myself like that? Failing

standards and even ended placing in a local

the first rep of the day, pitiful.

powerlifting competition. But I grew arrogant. I was due to try and set a new squat PR but I had

When I got home from that first session I looked in

had a spot of food poisoning. “It must be out of my

the mirror for a long time. I mentally noted all the

system,” I thought, foolishly. Alas it was not. And

things I didn’t like about my body. The too-visible

with a camera pointed at me, with 200 kilos on my

ribs, knobbly elbows, narrow shoulders. I’d finally

back, I pooed my pants.

tried to do something, and it had gone terribly. It was the same feeling as getting a terrible result for

https://youtu.be/giXuZZ8Tjmg

a test you’d studied hard for. I just felt frustrated and unmotivated. Every time I saw a depiction of

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QUEER FORTUNES Your reliable source for legitimate zodiacs

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

March 21 – April 19 Beware of changing tides today, Aries. Focus not on the big dick energy you project onto others but instead turn your attention to the big dick energy within.

April 20 – May 20 Patriarchy getting you down? Call up arms and seize the means with full force comrade May 21 – June 21 Don’t be fooled by all the nicely curated vegan dishes on Instagram. At the end of the day they’ll be eating cup noodles and Tim Tam sandwiches just like the rest of us.

Cancer

June 22 – July 22 Stay wary of obstructions, Cancer. Your final evolution from a simple sugar baby to a rich white wine widow is coming.

July 23 – August 22 Just because your bisexual doesn’t mean your good at tap dancing. Sorry.

Leo

Virgo

August 23 – September 22 Existence precedes essence. Unfortunately in your case neither are going too well. Keep at it darl.

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Libra

Scorpio

September 23 – October 23 Its libra season. Dress up in your favourite MCR gear to obtain extra spicy gay powers.

October 24 – November 22 Even though the liberals won the election. You can take comfort in the fact that your keep cup saved a turtles life.

December 22 – January 19 Be more gay.

Capricorn

Aquarius

February 19 – March 20 You are gay. And If you are not, JK rowling will make it so.

November 23 – December 21 The 891 bus will let you down today.

Sagittarius

January 20 – February 18 If you have a quarter life crisis, don’t go blonde. Instead, go for something more exciting like a reverse mohawk or a big stack of fruit on

Pisces 9

EDGAR ALLEN HOE Written by Meriadoc Wilson, with assistance from Jordan Barnes and Leonard Grose. Originally read by Shu Li Lau for UNSW Queer Revue 2019

Once upon a midnight stormy, while I Grindr’d, queer and horny Over many a twink and bear on their profiles, torsos bare— While I dreamt of later fapping, suddenly there came a rappiWng, As of someone keenly tapping, who saw my pics and now wants more. “’Tis some trade,” I muttered, “seeking pics of my back door— Only this and nothing more.”

Then this hunky jock beguiling my inner ho into smiling, By the confident allure of that suggestive pose he wore, “If thy rear be shorn and shaven, thou” he said, “art sure no craven.”

So I showed my rear, all shaven, which I’d done just hours before.

I threw in some well-shot dick pics that would seal the deal for sure— Quoth the Trade “Nice, any more?”

“Babe,” said I, “what about you? What I sent you is brand new.”

“Nay,” said he, “I don’t take pictures of what lurks beneath my britches.

Asking you for what you’ve shown does not imply I’ll show my own.”

“Fine,” said I, “I’ll see it soon whether bare or hair-festooned.

I’ll send you one more portrait lewd to let you see what lies in store.”

Quoth the Trade, “Nice, any more?”

“Be that phrase our sign of parting, I’d have known it since our starting— You are just a catfish lurking; you’re the sort that I deplore.

Leave no message as a token of the lies thy soul hath spoken!”

And the catfish, never shirking, still is lurking, still is lurking— I’ll delete this app unholy, I’ll not send one hole pic more— I shall Grindr—nevermore!

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Queer Shot - An Intimate Look at Queer Interior Life Photos by Indi Sofyar

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– Autumn Crocus

By Ashley Lim

It was the sixth murder in two weeks, and she was

out this late at night. The only source of light were

tired of it. So many years spent in the force, so

the flickering gas-lit lamps that lined the streets. Mist

many detectives working on the case, and still they

settled on Elena’s coat like a thin veil, chilling her to

had yet to catch the culprit. Dragging her fingers

the bone. Steeling her nerves, she started her journey

through messy, nutmeg-coloured hair, Lieutenant

home.

Elena Clarke was frustrated, exhausted, and most importantly: very, very hungry. But when one doesn’t

Cloaked in mist, the city was like a labyrinth, and

have a choice, one just has to keep soldiering on.

even her usual route was impossible to follow. Gone were the rowdy pubs with loud drunks stumbling

Glancing around the room, she noticed that her men

around; gone was the one bookstore that never shut

were either asleep at their desks or staring blankly

its doors, welcoming any late-night perusers; gone

into space. She sighed and slammed her casebook

was the small hostel that many university students

shut, startling them awake. They shouldn’t be here,

called home. Now there was only silence in the

she knew, when their families and hot dinners were

darkness, and every step she took brought her closer

waiting for them at home. Resigned, she gave them

to an unknown fate.

permission to retire for the rest of the night.

How long had she been walking? It truly was too The relief on her subordinates’ faces was

difficult to tell whether she was headed in the right

immediately obvious, and the flurry of papers and

direction. She surveyed her surroundings, trying to

pens being stowed away into bags would have

get her bearings, but even the lamps had succumbed

amused Elena if not for her concern over the case.

to the damp chill and were snuffed out. As she

She had to admit that it wasn’t just the murders

blindly stumbled forward, she reached out in hopes

themselves that worried her, although that was

of touching something, anything.

definitely a source of distress, what with men strong, healthy, youthful men - vanishing off the

When she first saw a faint glow in the distance,

streets and found dead a couple of mornings later.

fading in and out like a candle just before it

There were no signs of foul play, no injuries or

extinguishes, she wondered whether she was

wounds anywhere. Oddly enough, the victims were

dreaming. Rubbing her eyes, she peered through the

also found without a single piece of clothing on

fog to ascertain that the yellow-orange light was still

them, with a carefully placed purple flower protecting

there. As she drew closer to it, she realised it came

the last of their dignity.

from a lamp that was connected to a hand, then to

Her colleagues had refused to look at such a difficult

an arm, and as her gaze moved up, she met the eyes

case, leaving her to struggle on her own.

of a rather amused woman.

Gathering her things in her briefcase, she strode out

“Can I help you?” The woman asked, her lopsided

of the precinct. A blanket of thick fog had wrapped

smile creating a dimple in her cheek. Her eyes were

itself around the city, sneaking through the streets

golden-brown, reflecting the light from her lamp,

and choking any passers-by who dared to venture

and her skin was smooth and fair. Elena noticed that

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she was not dressed for the weather, only clad in a

playing on her lips.

thin blouse and a long skirt that swished when she moved, and yet the woman did not appear cold in the

Elena froze under her touch, her eyes quickly

slightest.

glancing left and right, making sure that no one was watching. It would certainly be quite inappropriate

“If you don’t mind, miss,” Elena ventured. “Would

for her, as someone still in uniform, to reciprocate

you be able to escort me home? I just can’t find my

Amelia’s flirtatious gestures. Besides, they were also

way home in this ridiculous fog, and your light would

at a funeral, and could there be a less proper time to

help me tremendously.”

woo someone?

The woman laughed and tossed her long, black hair

But Elena’s body refused to step away, and although

behind her, and her eyes shone just a little bit more.

she would usually have told off her courtier by now,

“Fog? Whatever do you mean?”

she just could not find the words to do so. Desperate to change their topic of conversation, Elena

Elena glanced around her in confusion. Just a few

looked around in search of something else to talk

seconds ago, the streets were dark and impossible

about. Spotting the flowers lying on the coffin, she

to navigate, yet now… The street lamps burned

recognised them as the very same ones Amelia was

bright, enveloping the city in their warmth. Elena

previously holding, and quickly pointed them out.

could clearly see office workers walking home,

“Those are some beautiful flowers. You must have

students chatting merrily amongst themselves,

known him quite well.”

couples talking quietly as they held hands or kissed under lamp-posts.

“One could say that.” With obvious disappointment in her eyes, Amelia patted her cheek and stepped

“What in the world?” When she turned back, the

away; Elena fleetingly caught the sweet scent of

woman had vanished. Absolutely flummoxed, Elena

apples as she did so. “I should be leaving now. My

spun in a circle, searching for the woman with the

flowers just cannot survive without me.”

lamp, but she was nowhere to be found.

Elena never had the chance to acquire her name.

“Are you a florist?” Elena asked, intrigued. She looked at the flowers again, forcing herself to recall

A week and four deaths later, they met again. Elena

when and where she had last seen them. “Did you

first spotted her across the funeral hall, a pale

grow those yourself?”

woman clad in black and clutching a bouquet of flowers. It was impossible to miss her beauty, even

“Certainly. Not many are well-versed in the

when it was covered by a thin veil. She wondered

cultivation of such flowers, and even fewer

whether the woman was somehow related to the

understand how to use them properly.”

deceased, one of the murder victims she had found over the week.

“For example,” Elena prompted, pointing to the bouquet, “this is…”

Quietly approaching the woman, Elena cleared her throat to politely announce her presence. The

“Colchicum autumnale,” Amelia finished. “A Polish

woman turned, her eyebrows raised, and smiled

cryptologist, Rózycki, once said it would suffice to

in recognition. “What a coincidence,” Elena said,

bite into and suck at a couple of stalks in order to

offering a hand. “We meet again, miss…”

attain eternity.”

“Murray,” the woman offered. “Amelia Murray. Nice

Elena watched her uneasily. “What did he mean by

to meet you again, Lieutenant Clarke.”

that?”

Elena raised her eyebrows in surprise. “How did you

Amelia sent her a sly grin and ran her hand along

know my name?”

the coffin before turning to leave. “Until next time, Lieutenant Clarke.”

“I’ve heard talk of a rather attractive policewoman who was in charge of his case,” Amelia explained,

Staring at the mysterious woman’s retreating back,

“and you do look quite spiffy in that uniform of

Elena wondered whether she might have just met her

yours.” Approaching her, she reached out and

killer. And even worse, she might be falling for her.

smoothened out the lines on Elena’s collar, a smirk

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