Bahandi
Unearth the treasures beyond your wild imaginings. Discover the gem hidden deep inside you. Polish the character you once neglected. Be a diamond in the rough. Be the collection of attitude you desired. Embellish your entirety via bolstering your strength. You are the very treasure you seek. Bahandi.
Bahandi
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Pagbati Ang Opisyal na Katipunan ng Literatura ng The Collegium, ang opisyal na papel pampahayagan ng mga mag-aaral ng Unibersidad ng Mindanao - Tagum. Tomo 23, Bilang 1 Karapatang-ari 2015 Lahat ng nilalaman ng katipunan na ito ay mga orihinal na likha ng mga manunulat. Walang alinmang bahagi ng librong ito ang maaring sipiin o ilimbag sa ano mang pamamaraan nang walang nakasulat na pahintulot mula sa mga may akda. Email: thecollegium_umtc@gmail.com FB: www.facebook.com/collegium
The Collegium
Your Information, Our Obligation
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Mensahe mula sa Punong Patnugot Pinilit kong pigain sa aking nanunuyong utak ang saliw ng hanging minsa’y matalinhaga Ngunit hindi pa rin mabigyan ng karampatang bigkas at umiindayog na ritmo ang inakalang dakila Sa isang tabi ay nagmumuni-muni, sinasariwa ang lahat Ng mga alaalang animo ay ginto Hinahanap, sinusuyod ang lalim ng utak Upang mahukay ang salitang makisig at sa papel ay husto Ngunit higit sa mala-salimsimang digmaan Ay ang tunay na bigat ng produkto ng tinta Ang esensya, importansya, at piglas ng kamalayan Na pinaganda gamit ang kapangyarihan ng retorika Kahit na ay nabingi dahil sa tinis ng panaghoy Patuloy na makikinig sa makatuturang
panawagan Kahit na nilumpo ng sariling makamundong kahinaan Patuloy na lalakad upang manalo sa tunggalian Ako ay magbibigay ng sapat na patunay Na mayroong kayamanan higit sa lupa’y nakabaon Ito ay ang luwalhati na dala ng karanasan, Ng kalinangan sa pagsulat, sa pagmulat at malayang ekspresyon. Tayo ay may kanyang-kanyang taglay na yaman bahandi, kung sa ating dayalekto ay isigaw nanunuot sa ating dugo at sunog na kulay suyurin, linangin, ipaalingawngaw.
Roy R. Banias Punong Patnugot
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Mensahe mula sa Kawaksing Patnugot Hindi ko kayang ibigkas ang angkop na salita na sadyang tutugma sa aking nararamdaman. Ako ay mangmang. Kung ako ay iyong tatanungin para lang akong walang alam, walang muwang. Ako ay makahiya. Kung ako ay nasisiyahan matatanaw mo ang simpleng ngiti na sa aking mukha ay naka ukit. Ngunit kung ako ay bigo, ang lungkot ay mabilis kong kinukubli. Takot ko mang bigkasin ang aking ninaais, kaya ko naman itong ilahad ng pasulat.
Lynjoy T. Roque Kawaksing Patnugot
Ako ay umalahokan. Naiisigaw ko ang mga salita na sa puso’t isipan ay nawawari. Naipapalabas ko ang aking kasiyahan, kalungkutan, at lahat ng damdaming sa iba ay ‘di batid. Nakakatakas ako mula sa pighati na dala ng katotohanan mula sa aking mundong ginagalawan. Ito ay sapagkat ako man ay kapos sa bagay na sa iba ay umaapaw, Nabiyayaan naman ako ng kakayahang maging malikhain gamit ang papel at tinta. At ang biyaya ay binabahagi sapagkat ito ay nagmula sa Poong Maykapal. Bawat tao may ibat ibang uri ng biyaya, ang sa amin ay matatagpuan sa mga susunod na mga pahina. Hiling ko ay sana inyong maibigan ang aming pamamaraan ng pamamahagi ng aming natatanging Bahandi.
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Pauna Naglakad. Tumalon. Tumakbo. Kumaripas. Naka-alpas. Ang literaturang Filipino sadyang hindi pa naaagnas. Ito’y kayamanang iniwa’t inipon, ngayu’y tila buhol buhol ngunit ito’y nagkukumahog upang pawiin ang uhaw ng mga kababayang sadyang nilimut ang noo’y akay-akay na diyamanteng ‘di mawaglit sa pagkatao ng isang tunay na Pilipino. Siyam na taon ako ng magsimulang sumulat ng mga akdang akala ko’y may katuturan, yaon ay pawang kathang isip na hindi ko lubos maintindihan. Una kong tinintaan ang gusot na kwadernong niluma na ng aking katandaan. Una kong naging mambabasa ang mga kaklaseng walang alam kung hindi maglaro’t maglibang. Ngayon nga’y sadyang ang aking pag-ibig sa literatura ay nahubog ng mga taong labis kong pinagpupugaya’t pinasasalamatan sa akin ngayong kakayahan. Itinuturing na kagalingan sa literatura, hinugot pa mula sa nagdurugong pag-aalsa, buhay pa ang naging kapalit, mapait na pagdurusa’y sinapit para lamang tayo’y mahigpit na kumapit sa tanging alay ng mga bayaning naipit at nasipit ng mga mapanlinlang na dayuhang malapit. Muli natin buksan ang puso’t isip, tayo na’t hawiin ang mga dahong nilanta ng panahon. Sa ilalim ng tuyong lupang kinatatayuan ating mahuhukay ang buhay na buhay, nagpupumiglas na mga alahas mula sa baul ng mga mag-aaral ng UM, ito’y mga kayamanang minana natin sa mga ninunong nagluklok sa atin sa ating kalayaan, kalayaang maipahayag ang nararamdaman, mahapdi, masakit, marupok man o di kaya’y hindi lamang kasawian kundi’t tunay na karanasang magbibigay ng inspirasyon, halika, sabay nating buksan ang nakasisilaw na dulo’t ng BAHANDI.
Frecel T. Roque
Patnugot sa Pangangasiwa
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Talaan ng Nilalaman kagabhion
2
a dear for the dire dearth
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ako giuhaw
3
ang linya
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blubuk
4
the irony of words (unfinished
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limos
4
dl-dios ko, lord
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all i ever wanted
5
dear future wife
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4 years in the making
6
si manong
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dota
6
asa man diay si sir?
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she’s she
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don’t conclude yet
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estudyanteng bisyo
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three singko
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ang na-wrong nga convo
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ang cr
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TULA
ctrl + z
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infatuation, indeed
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payo
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the call
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sultii ko, unsa man jud?
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specified rant
29
love ko siya
14
atong snacks
30
when i forgot to write my
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triangular
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recounted
32
assignment in bus 5a
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work the talk
33
impossibility defied
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the missing piece i’ve lost
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huwag kang matakot sa dilim
71
yabag
35
buhay sa likod ng lente
74
folded
35
dough of secret ingredient
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MAIKLING KWENTO
sanaysay
minsan sa impyerno
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his image, my likeness
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sa ngalan ng korona
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silhouettes
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sa ilog, isang gabi
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sweat under the rain
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saudade
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that thing called “status quo”
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i am mehar:
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PA SA SA LA MAT
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this is my impeccable woes totally in love with feces
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the meet up
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Hiwaga ng tugma Pilantik ng parirala Karikitang taglay ng ritmo Alinsunod sa talinhaga Dinadala ka, hinihigop Patungo sa ibang dimensiyon Wari ay nangungusap Sinasagwan ang imahinasyon Lumilipad, lumulutang Lumalangoy, sumisisid Sa huni ng makata Ikaw ay mapapaisip
Tula
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Kagabhion Mr. Pooky No
Kadali ba mausab sa kagabhion, Ako namalandong Ang kaniadtong maanyag nga mga bitoon Napulihan ug mga dag-om Kadali ba mausab sa kagabhion, Ang mga tuko ug timos nga nagahatag ug tugtog Nangawagtang ug dili na madungog Kadali ba mausab sa kagabhion, Ang kaniadtong matam-is nga damgo Na undang, Ug kini nakapa urom kanako Kadali ba mausab sa kagabhion, Apan kini dili angayang ikabalaka
Kay sa pag tak-om sa bulan Naay muabot nga mas maanindot Kadali ba mausab sa kagabhion, Kay ang kagabhion mubo ra Ug dili angayang pundohan Kay sa kagabhion anaa ang kangingit Kadali ba mausab sa kagabhion, Ug kini dapat atong ikalipay Kay ang kabuntagon nagadala ug bag-ong paglaom Kay sa kabuntagon wala may panganod Apan adunay adlaw sa ato gasunod
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Ako Giuhaw The Collaborators
Udtong tutok Mainit na panahon Singot nag dagayday Sa agtang nakong dangas Kay ako nagdangan Gikan pag City Hall, Para lang maapsan Ang exam nga naghulat Eksaktong pag-abot Sa akong lingkuranan Kalit na giigang Perti man kaalimuot Dili na mapugngan, ilok na nagtubod. Tutunlang uga ug nabating kasapot.
Isa na lang gayud Ang solusyon na nahunaan Ang muinom Ug tubig na mabugnaw Pero asa man diay Ako mangita ug tubig? Nga ang nahibilin na tres Gigahin nag pang-blubuk
Sa dihang ako nang Gitamakan ang pedal Matin-aw na tubig Nisirit sa gawsanan Ako mi-duko Ug gi-nganga ang baba Hinay na gitilawan Ang tubig nga gipangita
Ay! Didtoa Sa suok na dapit Naay ginatamakan Arun tubig musirit
(Golp, golp, golp) (golp, golp, pa more) Nganu man nga nikalit ug gilok? Akong tutunlan, lahi nag nalasahan
Didtoa kay libre Ug bugnaw pa jud! Akoang tistingan, Arun masulbad na tanan
Pwe! Maypag wala na lang nako gitistinga’g tilaw Ang tubig na mingpugsit Kay Rich in Iron man diay!
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Blubuk Mr. Ink
Padulong na sad ang exam na way undang. Pero ako wala nabalaka sa katas sa coverage. Kon dili sa gasto na akong matagamtaman kay tag-tres naman gud ang presyo sa blubuk. Sus! Bali-kinse na pud.
LIMOS
Shiitake Mushroom ‘Di alintana Ang parusa ng ulan, Ang lamig ng hangin, At dilim ng kalangitan.
Kumakatok sa bawat Bintana ng sasakyan Humihingi ng limos Para sa tawag ng tiyan.
Patuloy na nakatayo Nag-aabang, naghihintay Ng awa at tugon Sa nakalahad kong kamay.
Nang may tumugon sa marahan kong tawag Bintana niya’y binaba Nag-abot ng abag
Ng minsa’y bumagal Ang takbo ng trapiko Madulas na daan Ay mabilis na tinungo
Sa loog ng sasakyan Ay aking nakita Ang mas inaasam Isang buong pamilya
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All I ever wanted BookishLovesBlue
They said I’m nothing, Compared to my mother And an outcast, Never meant to live in a castle, I never needed luxuries, I never needed elegant dresses, All I wanted is. . . Mama, love me the way I love you, But you told me, “don’t care what other people’s feedback” And you said the beauty that you have, Is the beauty I see in the mirror, That made me unique all over, ‘Cause I’m your precious daughter. The flashing of lights, It looks unoriginal,
The sound of orchestra is for the elite one, I never meant to attend the ball, I never meant to be the best among the people, All I wanted is. . . I dreamt of happy ending fairytale, Where all people live happily ever after, And the daughter of Cinderella never meant to live alone, And rule over when I take her throne, When happy ending is just the beginning. . .
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4 YEARS IN THE MAKING juicemio
In my first year in college, I was not able to express myself Hiding in a corner just like an empty shelf I have friends but only a few Some I find to be not really true In my second year, nothing much has changed Just counting the days and lessons I learned Expressing what I have in my mind is still hard to do Not being able to put it in words, I only draw
A year had passed, it’s my third year Things are becoming tough and not easy to bear I’m learning to cope with the environment Finding time for humor and enjoyment Now that I’m already in my final year I’ve learned to focus and my goals are clear I’m changed for I can now socialize I’ve gained lots of friends, it’s fun I realized
DOTA Penname
You are my game Without hesitation I will choose you Rather than her
You make me feel manly Unlike she, Always leaving me Crushed, nowhere to found
You are my redeemer From women Wanting to tear my identity Deject me, weaken me
Let me play you more Keep me away from her For I really fear Being broken again
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She’s She BookishLovesBlue
In a lonely zone, There’s a girl singing alone, No one bothers to talk, No one’s offering for a walk, ‘Cause she’s not ordinary, Extraordinary. She’s dressing uniquely, Just to please somebody, But nobody wanted, Everybody’s scared, ‘Cause she’s unnatural Supernatural. Look what’s inside her heart, Blood flowing, she’s also bleeding, Everybody’s chasing. Her super ability, a threat to humanity,
But she has the kindness inside, Never lies, never surrender. Her hair is white as the snow in the winter. She has the power Superpower. Flashing flames on her palm, She tries to be honest, Even people lies all the time, Connected on the line, She’s not just a human A superhuman. Every night she cries, Every day she counts, Immortality, purity, Her love never dies, Never leaves as the days pass by.
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Estudyanteng Bisyo Estienne Fanni
Alas syete sa umaga, ika’y gising na Maliligo, mag-wa-warm up, maghahanda, Pupunta daw ng eskwelahan at mag-aaral Para sa mithing gaganda ang kinabukasan. Pero ‘di lang diyan nagtatapos and eksena Bago lumabas ay hindi nakakalimutan Mano po muna kay nanay at tatay, “Ako’y aalis na” “Pahingi po ng baon, nay, at para sa matrikula” Dahil mahal nga naman ni nanay si anak Bigay ng bigay nang walang alinlangan Si tatay naman sinasabing, “Anak, pagpalain ka ng Maypakal” Si anak naman sinasabing, “Opo tay, gagalingan ko sa paaralan.” Pagdating sa eskwelahan, naka-ID pa “Naku!”, ‘di namalayang may ‘extra shirt’ pala Walang kaduda-duda pero pumunta siya sa CR, ayun Si anak nag-change outfit, paglabas, “Boom!” Bumangga si konsensya, medyo ginalaw siya Pero ang lakas kasi ng temptasyon at hindi natabla Pormang-porma na sa bakbakan doon sa internetan Nakakatawa ‘di ba, pero masakit ang katotohanan. Ang barkada ang pinaka-masaya sa eksena Si anak nga naman, the “rich guy” ika-nga
Libre, “blow-out”, sikat sa bayan ng internetan Di nila namalayang para iyon sa matrikula Napakamahal nga naman ng subject niya: Dota Bar at sigarilyo rin pala ang major requirement nila Beer nga naman ang snacks kung minsan “Chicks” nga rin daw ang project ng asignatura. Ganito ang istorya ng school life ni anak Palaging 1st honor sa gawaing ‘di kaaya-aya Epekto ito ng maling impluwensiya Napakalungkot naman sa loob ng magulang. Respeto lang sana, anak, para kay ina Dahil mahal ka niya at siya’y nagsisikap Respeto lang sana kay tatay, anak Na bago kang umalis ay pinagpala ka pa Mahal na mahal ka nila, tandaan mo iyan Huwag kang magpadala sa iyong bisyo, umiwas ka Gusto nilang bigyan ka ng magandang kinabukasan Dahil edukasyon lamang ang kanilang maipapamana Magbago ka na, anak, ngayon na Tandaan mo, walang imposible, may malaki kang pag-asa.
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Ang Na wrong nga Convo
Penname
Nitext ko ug “hi” Nireply siya ug “hello” Nangumusta ko niya Okey ra daw siya “Ikaw mzta mhan?” text niya Ana ko, “okey rako Syempre, txt gud ta” Pagkahuman, wa na siya mitext kanako Maong naghulat ko… Kadugayan, nireply rajud
“slr babe, buzy lang ko” Ako nakuratan… Nibalos ko ug… “Huh? Babe? U lyk me too?” Nalipay jud ko Way masudlan ang akong kasadya Sadyang niana ra diay siya… “Wrong send” Tsssskkk! Wa juy puangod ning bayhana Jugo! Wrong gramming pajud
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CTRL+Z Arkus Esmeraud
Huwag mong pigilan, Ang mga dapat mangyari. Kung gusto mo nama’y mayroong paraan, Ngunit sabayan mo na lang, kung maaari. Kaya mo bang matulog Na di piling ang aking braso? O kumain sa lamesa Na di ako ang iyong kasalo? Huwag ka nang lumipad Sa kahapong lumipas. Mga ala-alang walang katulad, Sa panahong kumupas. Tila ang mga bitui’y di rin makakapigil Sa daloy nang malamig na simoy ng hangin. Ang umaga’y nagging gabi,
Matamis na samahan, ngayo’y sawi. Ibaon sa limot lahat nang pighati. Magsaya sa pag-asang bagong hatid. Umalis man ay may kapalit din. Damdamin ay muling magwawagi. Huwag mag-alala, Tama na ang pagdurusa. Pigilan ang mga luha, Buhis din nito’y huhupa. Nagdaraa’y kalimutan. Lahat ay may kasaysayan. Ngunit kung gusto mong balikan, Ako’y narito na lamang bilang isang tapat na kaibigan.
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PAYO Jaycris dela Cruz Tumalon, tumayo, tumakbo Sa halina ng pangamba’t problema, sa pang-akit ng tukso Magdedesisyong Kakapit alinman sa mga payo Naroong buo ang loob sa paglaban sa mga hamon Ang matibay na paninindigan ang naging baluti sa pagtalon Kung kasawian man o kasiyahan ang hatid ng mundo Sa mga sadyang di apektado, naging manhid mananatili lang sa pagtayo Kung minsan singlawak ng dagat ang hatid ng pagkalito Natatangay sa alon ng takot ang nababahag na puso Kung kaya’t mas nanaisin na lang tumakbo Subalit kung minsan marupok ang tao Natibag ang depensa, bibigay din sa pagsuko
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SULTII KO, UNSA MAN JUD? Cone_of_experience
Sa atong panag-uban matag-adlaw, Ako mahibulong ug makahuna-huna, Wala bay bili ang imung mga ginapambuhat? Kay para sa ako, gamay man tuod pero daku katug epekto, Pasabta ko, Sultii ko, Unsa man jud? Kun kita musakay ug bus, Ako magpahipi sa kilid sa bintana, Kun kiligon sa imong mga panultihong makakulitog sa akong dughan, Naa pa kay pasandig-sandig sa akong bukton, Nga nagdugang aron ako mupahiyom ug, Diyos ko, Tabangi ko! Sultii ko, Unsa man jud? Kun kita mubaktas ngadto sa atong hulatanan ug sakyanan,
Mukatawa ra ka’g kalit nga murag na-buang sa dalan, Nya, mangutana ko,” Katawa lagi ka?” Ingun ka, “Wala uy, naa lang koy mahinumduman”, Laguta uy, sultii ko, unsa man jud? Usahay mangaon ta diha sa CFC. Kuhaon nimu’g kalit ang akong money, Kay ikaw mupalit para ako mangitag lingkuranang bakante, Tapos, apilan pa jud nimug toyo-ketchup with sili, Kahuman, andaman pa jud ko nimug water so icy, Tarung ba, sultii ko, unsa man jud? Buntag sayo, muagi ko sa Arellano, Halata na kaayo nako ang imung agtang from malayo, Tawagun dayun teka, nya tindug dayon ka, Ngutana ka, “kumusta?” Ako, murag tanga kun unsa itubag,
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“Mmmm, ok ra man” Kuhaon nimu akong dala nga mga photocopy in times that we were in a hurry, Thankful ko, pero Please, sultii ko, unsa man jud? Sige kag text sa ako, “Kumusta, nagkaon naka?” “Asa na ka?” Kiligon jud intawn ko, kagwanga ka, Sige na, sultii ko ba, unsa man jud? There were times nga ting exam na, Nag dali dali ko kay hapit na mo bell ang first period sa umaga, Wala pa koy blue book, Mushagit ko sa classroom, “Guys, kinsa nay extra bluebook, taplan lang nako
unya?” Ingun dayon ka, “Ako naa, imuha nani oh, ayaw lang bayari” Maulaw man sad ta, “Sure ka?” “Lagi” Sige na ba, sultii ko, unsa man jud? Daghan pang mga panghitabo ang akong nasinati kauban siya, Most of them kay naa juy kilig factor, Pero, question na ko ba, Unsa man jud ko para sa imuha? Sultii ko, Unsa man jud? Aron di nako maglaom ug uban pa. Bahalag sakit, SULTII KO, UNSA MAN JUD KO PARA SA IMUHA?
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LOVE KO SIYA! The Collaborators Yung tipong siya ang isa sa kukumpleto ng araw mo Pagmulat pa lang siya na ang nakikita ko, Pa’no pa kaya kapag siya na ang kayakap ko Baka magka-global warming lalo. Hindi ko inaasahan na siya’y dadating, Ni hindi ko nga gusto ang atraksiyon niya tungo sa akin, Noong una nandidiri ako sa kanya Kalaunan pala’y matatanggap ko lang siya. Masaya ako tuwing kami’y magkasama, Bawat araw ay pinahahalagahan ko talaga, Para saan pa ‘pag kaming dalawa Tuwa at galak ang gaming nadarama. Noong panahong nagkasakit siya ng malala, Syempre naman, nag-alala ako ng sobra, Paano na lang kung siya’y mawawala?
Wala ng magpapainit ng aking bawat hibla. Sinasabi kong siya ay napakakulit at nagpapahabol, Walang letrang lumalabas sa bibig pero tumatahol, May apat na paa at mabalahibo Siya ang aking mahal – ang aking aso. Oo, nabasa mo, ang aking aso, Tinuturing ko kasing teddy bear na niyayakap ko, Hindi naman siya nagrereklamo Pero ginagahan rin tulad ko. Kung pwede lang siyang maging tao, naging anak ko na siya, Bagama’t hindi maaari dahil siya ang aking alaga, Okay na iyon, basta nandito siya sa tabi ko Walang iwanan, hanggang sa dulo.
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When I Forgot to Write my Assignment in Bus 5A Mr. Ink
“Pass your papers,” Prof. C said I was puzzled, (What paper?) was shocked, terrified realization came. With sweat so cold, hands shaking, heart pumping hard, breathing uncontrolled, I clearly saw The gleaming 5.0 grade. “Patay!” I mumbled.
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As I drive through the nights, Passing by the streets gazed by the lights, I look upon the sight of an unyoung Homeless, bounded by none.
You may see him on that road timely stationary But on the inside, ever longing for a company He must be waiting for an unselfish somebody Or could be asking himself, “What is a family?”
Which way should he pass through? Through the crowded place or to that peaceful venue? Seemingly, no one can understand Along with that sack, a hat and a letter in his hand.
Once in his precocious life, he was a good father Provided all things the world has to offer Curtains were closed, downcast and sudden for his better half Without a choice, he must fill the needs of an integral pack
Many can see him static on a depot so smooth. Often, he is called “the man who can’t be moved”. Random may laugh at his forsaken awry For a fact, nobody knows his real story.
Luxury and wants given to their children As he doesn’t want one to feel deficient nor barren Unfortunately as his grown-ups ripen and exposed Pride and greed abound and walloped their mode.
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A dear for the dire dearth Khristine Liezle S. Arnilla
Ripped off and swiped their illicit heirloom Each hard work and penny from the man were in doom As a father, vile and contempt confounded his will from a stealth Offspring morally raised, enjoying those ill-gotten wealth
Oh, what a pitiful kind this man he is! Must be wretched, solo, always on his own But something in his shoes wants us to cherish A point in life, one is to give his renown
Pushed away, disregarded by his own daughter Disowned and defied by his favorite son The family he raised is now beginning to shatter High hopes, still dreaming they’d be as one
Hear the cry of a man, rigid and wordless To the world that’s clever yet ruthless We may seem to discern all the Earth’s secret Ergo, let’s master the virtue with the label “RESPECT”.
Lest we feel and act with a cold-blooded heart Let us chiefly valuate and judge our own part Maybe even us have hurt or neglected a brother Left and forgotten for fortune and legal tender
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Ang Linya… TEP.X
Makita nimo ron ang kataas sa mga linya Mapa treasury Dept, SAO, ug UMTempco na sya Ing-ani kahalangdon kining mga butanga, Pero ang makalusno, ang linya para sa bluebook Diin ikaw magsulat sa imong ngalan Nagkahanap na! Asa naman ang hustisya? Hahay! Tag tres na baya ang isa…
The Irony of Words (unfinished) M.P.M.
With what has been wrongfully done could never be back by anyone A person may not unfold what the future really holds But one has the capability of not letting his future just be untold Be convinced that one can draw his own destiny by laboring what’s reality Eventually all things fell into its rightful places Precision of words…
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DL - Dios ko, Lord Arkus Esmeraud
Sa mga panahong ako ga paningkamot, Sulod sa eskwelahan, ako ga pangandoy. Mga tag-as nga grado hinaot makab-ot, Dili man diay lalim matuman ini, uroy!
Kining mga libro nga pirminti i-require, Mga gagmayng apan, ilaha gyung i-mind. Binat lang gamay sa gradong nag bitay, Para lang dili magkalisod si Nanay ug Tatay.
Niagi ang mga pila ka sem, Namugas intawon ug pinahawod, ehem. Napamatud-an ra gyud ang damgo, Sa Dean’s List, tu-a ra! Pangalan na gyud nako.
Dios ko, Lord! Mao na gyud ni bis. DL nga gilauman para sa scholarship, na-uris! Ngano man to? Arangan man akong grado. Ang mga nagdumala, di man diay madala ug hangyo.
Lami kaayo paminawon Dili sa mapanghitas-on. Pero naa kay ikapasigarbo, Sa imong ginikanang sa uma nanarbaho
Ing-ani gyud siguro, kinabuhi sa estudyante. Muagi’g pagkalisod para makuha ang degree. Hinaot lang, ilaha pud mabati, Scholarship, goodbye. Agay! Kasakit.
Aguy! Wala nalantaw sa umaabot, Kining nadangat ko kay madaot. Tungod sa magtutudlo nga maot, Sa estudyanteng kabos, walay puangod.
Pag-uli sa bukid, maulaw nakong Mama’g Papa. Didto sa syudad, namugas baya gyud kog skwela. Apan wala koy mabuhat, sila ang gamhanan. Ang pagka-DL, mao ra unta’y paglaum arong makahuman.
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Dear Future Wife Mr. Ink
Dear Future Wife How is your day? Isn’t it great? Will you please say?
Now Dear Future Wife Lean to me your back I’ll gently massage it For you to relax.
I know you’ve been tired Of doing the chores From washing the dishes To cleaning the floors.
But Dear Future Wife You still wore that smile -- the very precious reason I’ve waited on the aisle.
Dear Future Wife Just tell me your story I promise to listen, There’s nothing to worry.
So now are you ready To tell me your day? Oh Dear Future Wife I hope it’s okay.
You woke up too early And gave me your best From the tastiest foods To the gentlest caress.
I’ll promise you all day And I’ll return too The love and the comfort I have received from you
21
My Dear Future Wife Are you not confused? My words are in past Though “future” I have used
We’ll have two children A girl and a boy That will fill our lives With purest of joy.
Don’t need to wake up early Just take time and rest Oh Dear Future Wife I’ll provide you the best
We might never have The promise of forever But we got our lifetime, Flourished by HIS power.
Yes, we’re still strangers My Dear Future Wife But I know for a reason You will be on my life.
Forget all the dishes And even the floor Because Dear Future Wife I will love you even more.
If you are not still So sure about me, Come my Future Wife I give you my honesty
So respond to my hello My future wife, please For us to fin’lly happen Our hearts’ desire and wish.
The actions’ been done On the words I have said ‘cause I got a plan Right after we wed.
I know you’re not perfect And you don’t have to For Dear Future Wife Still I will be true.
So here, I say hello To begin our tale Dear Future Wife I won’t let you fail
22
Si Manong Great
Miskan perminte ko ug kalimot nimo Makadumdom gayud ka nako pag-ayo Gale wala ko nagapaminaw nimo Kanunay g’hapon kang nagapawag sa’ko Ana ka too lang ko sa imong ingon Pero nagpabilin ‘kong wala magmatngon Naningkamot ka nga ako palihukon Pero gibuhat ko, tulog lang ug kaon Miskan paglantaw ko ‘di para sa imo Sobra ang pagpapansin nimo saako
Samukan na gale ko sa nawong nimo Pero dikit-dikit gihapon ka ka’yo Gihatag nimo saako halos tanan Miskan ako wa gayug manginahanglan Too ko’g muundang raka kadugayan Aruy! Nigara hinuon, ‘di mapugngan Saakong pag-antos gibasol g’yud tika Miskan wala gayud gud kay labot ana Miabot na nga gipasakitan tika Pero ambot mura’g giganahan pud ka
Manong! Wala man kay madawdaw saako Nganong giagwantahan ko’g sobra nimo? Dili g’yud ka maglantaw sa nawong ko? Awa ragud ug pag-ayo, bati kaayo Tama na bi! Kaulaw ko nanubra na Wala man ko’y ikabalos sa imuha Ana g’yud ka mahigugma saakoa Pati anak nimo kay isakripisyo na?
23
Aha man diay si sir? Penname
Wala si sir...? Ang sige ug putak miskan wa’y naminaw Ug sige’g yawyaw dala pisik sa laway
Wala napud si sir…?! Ang tawo nga ang paborito’ng numero singko Nya, di jud ka makadama nga makadawat ka ug uno
Wala si sir… Si sir nga gara kaayo ug tiyan, m’rag kagawsunon jud sa polo Unya lami permi’ng paminsar, Nah! Hangin kaayo, mura’g bagyong Pablo
Sus! Wala man diay si sir! Aha naman pud diay tuh nagpagdulong Wa jud ko’y natun-a atuh niya
Wala jud si sir…! Nga perminte magpaquiz ‘nya wa juy klase-klase, Tas sige’g pa-oral, unya, alangan way makatubag
Aha man jud diay si sir…? Wa najud ko kabalo unsaon tuh siya Unsaon mani? Drop na natuh siya!
24
Don’t conclude yet BookishLovesBlue No days are not heeded when words of conclusion enters, I start my talk, someone will end it, Disappointment arouses but they don’t care, I always left hung up and funny, just putting jest.
Senator Aquino II says, “End’s Beginning” But prediction tells for me, My heart and mind combines to strive To oppose criticisms the world reside.
I have my own precious life, But the crowd amusingly intervenes, I show the real me to the world Instead, they play ‘guessing game’ on me.
I am who my mind and heart stands, Judge me correctly according to ethics If you don’t want to get the cursed feeling.
I want to cry hard but it seems no one will try to mind, I draw happy pictures in my imagination, But seeing the real happening Weakens my daily actions.
25
Three Singko Tep.x
Three Singko Gilikayan nga grado Pero salamat sa Ginoo Kay kami na’ay Three Singko.
Kung ikaw taga Arellano Ayaw pasakup na ikaw na’ay Three Singko Kay ulaw na kaayo Sa presensya sa imong mga amigo.
Maski kining Three Singko didto sa Arellano Kay para lang sa mga ultimo Pero kami diri sa Visayan Pag na’ay Three Singko Seems like in heaven ang among espiritu.
Pero pag ikaw taga Visayan Be proud sa imong Three Singko! Kay kana nga grado Pang Jollibee na kaayo!
Three Singko, oh Three Singko! Kanus-a paman uroy ka ma two point zero? Na tuig na namo ginapangayo sa among maestro, Oh, two point zero super hard to get kaayo!
Ing-ani jud kalisud ma-enhinyero Ang magpuyo sa Visayan na bukid kuno, Unta puhon ikaw Three Singko Mahimo nang Uno Singko Susama sa among pamilete padulong didto.
26
Ang CR Beth S. Daguplo Ang CR importante sa kinabuhi Adlaw-adlaw ginapangita bisan ug asa Daghang kapuslanan Daghan pung mamuslanay Aduna’y humot Gumikan sa klorin Aduna pu’y baho Tungod sa yellow submarine Pero lahi ra ang CR sa YuEymTeeShe Pwedeng madebit kung ikaw magdeposit Nagaserve as means of communication pa jud Achup to the world, sobra kahaytek! Mao nang kung ikaw naa’y aligutgot Wala’y masultian sa imong mga hugot
Samot nang di kapost sa facebook Ug maka-GM kay nawa ang mga contacts sa ponbuk Adto lang sa CR dong ug day Ug sa pultahan ipagawas ang gibati Mapa-message sa crush o pagdumot sa propesor Welcome kaayo bisan asa pang cubicle ka musulod Di na kinahaglan ang load o internet connection Kay bisan bolpen lang ang imong gamit Abot na nimo ang mundo Unlimited and free pa gayud my labs Guaranteed pud ang security sa imong sekreto Tungod kay si unda-unda gipanganak nga dili tsismosa Siya ang magbalantay nga galantaw gikan sa taas Hangad lang kung ikaw nanginahanglan ug call center agent. Bow!
27
Infatuated, Indeed! BookishLovesBlue The way he moves his masculine body, Oh, God, I liked him already, On the dance floor his doing it very well Undeniably, he had carried my eyes as well. He’s not just talented but a handsome being, With those 6-pack abs glowing while dancing, Girls won’t deny they are romantically stunned Opposing, it’s his wobbling body I admire. In the midst of unstoppable sweat, he smiles Adding up his physical beauty twice,
I don’t know yet the other beauty he holds inside But I’ll make sure he’ll be the star seen in my eyes. I’m not on the verge of getting him like desperate does, Or even dream of his world to be mine, Yuck! That’s too much of my imaginations this time Rather, seeing him dance again and again is what I desire. This is just an introduction to my freshman’s life, That crush just scatters there to find, Not anywhere or everywhere but on the bleacher Totally, I am infatuated to a dancer.
28
The Call BookishLovesBlue If you want to experience eternity, If you want to see the glorious heaven, If you want to ride the endless elevator, Come and feel God inside you Answer His call by your response. If you think of falling down inside-out, If you feel left alone and without companion, If you are drowned of thinking problems, Come and feel God’s sincerity for you Answer His call by your response. If you admire good health and well-being, If you dream of bathing bills of money, If you want to live in a spacious and comfy home,
Come and feel God around you Answer His call by your response. If you aim a happy and complete life, If you wish to find true destiny, If you desire to live life to the fullest, Come and feel God’s blessings for you Answer His call by your response. Only your presence and your response God needs, Hooray! To the one who can fulfill these, He’s with Him the things, everything you dream So, prepare for the heaven’s beam. And answer His call by your response.
29
Specified Rant Strand dead 129 Centre of the spiral breadth, With color suited of fervour, While hearing the scratch, Scratch from the wariness exclaim, Brings forth space muffled creak, Casting splotches of absolute silence. Blood spurted a dash not red but a blue thread, Smoke just then flipped in the air, No exit was blown to black shreds, Shreds of the unwelcomed tone, Strokes chunked the distraction, Bizarre detached itself to reality of repulsion. Out of surprise, The Blue thread squeaked grinning, In green door stretched beyond the breaking point, Point to where gasps are allowed, Threads writhed in ecstasy, Body bent out drooped and undulated like lava in rant.
30
Fifteen units sa isa ka-adlaw Dili pwede ang gutom ipalabaw Mutukar gayod ang atong tinguha Sa pagkaon nga astang lamia Usahay inig pindot sa calculator, Wala nata sa huna-hunang tarong Antos-antos nalang, murag aktor Nanluspad na diay to sa kagutom. Pagkakita nimo sa juice ug pan Sa imong classmate nga walay pakialam Dili gayod mu-share sa iyang katapad Bisan gamay nga pangagda nalang man. Maulaw man pud gud ta
Nga mangayo sa iyaha Abi pa lang biya niya Nga nagpabuhi ta sa iyang kwarta. Usahay, pit-os lang gayod ang atong pitaka Nga wala nata’y ikabayad Mura’g kutawon gayod imong tiyan Sa kaibog sa pagkaon nga dili mapugngan Usahay, naa lang gayod tay gina-una Nga mga buluhaton sa atong eskwelahan Nga kinahanglan ang panabang sa nabiling kwarta Nga pati imong pang-kaon, mawad-an, makwaan.
31
Atong Snacks Estienne Fanni Sakit man gayod na sa atong buot Pero wala ta’y mabuhat, dong Kabalo ta nga dili makaon ang photocopy ug papel Pero kinabuhi gayod na sa estudyante.
Ang pagkaon, mao’y atong gasolina Kung wala sila, wala ta’y enerhiya Mao na ayaw gayod ug pag-kumpyansa Nga makaantos ka sa kagutom sa pila ka-oras.
Maayo nalang, naa’y mga taong buotan Gipadala sa Ginoo aron kita dili magutman Mao na nga kung kita napu’y maka-kwarta Ayaw gayod sila biyaa ug kalimta
Ang kwarta sa isa ka-estudyante, Kinahanglan na tunga-tungaon, Sa photocopy, sa amot, sa bluebook ug pliti, Labaw na gayod ang snacks sa umaabot.
Para sa isa ka-estudyante, Ang snacks isa sa mga importante Dili man gud lalim ang sigeg huna-huna Nga imong utok intawon, mauga
32
Triangular Mr. Ink It’s you! That I wished to be with beneath the blanket of stars and feel the caress of the cold night’s sway.
It’s me! Who wrote surreal melodies yet squeezed in my throat ‘til tears erode pain Shall this plea last unheard?
Its’ him! You fantasized sincere. At his arms you belong, His perfection you crave… I cannot compare.
Shall I? Crumple in darkness, lament in silence with hopes restricted by this triangular curse.
Recounted Niki
I have thought you were the one To ease the pain ‘til it’s gone Together we’re the perfect two A glorious sum of me and you Of three words we lovingly uttered And sweet memories we shared Made the four months full of happiness
And moments in kaleidoscopic gladness But the fifth was a month of struggle When we drifted down our own muddle Six senses have lost its due Coz you left me in grievous hue Seven days in a week of crying Of unwanted freedom, I’m slowly dying
In the eighth day comes the moving on Before life’s insanity comes undone When nine ghosts’ cries pierce the night I’ll remember how you held me tight As I closed the basement light On the tenth man dead tonight.
33
Work the talk M.P.M.
A person is never too young to create a difference, And no deed is ever too small to spark a change. Just live life in accordance to what one thinks is right Know that one can lead and show people a way to a productive life. One doesn’t have to be a leader just to be heard Being a good follower and listener is a good flinch to hold This provides new sense when one humbles himself for others Coupled with willingness to try living in other people’s shoes For at times it is from them that one really learns A way out of what was already given and see what one really yearns
For a person who remains deeply rooted in the organization he is serving for Suffices a leader who believes that to lead better means to learn twice over Talking less and doing much, is one willing to act as such? Over the time the opposite is what’s commonly done Say posting and sharing adverse commentaries Especially if the real name is not used by one All the more one works, the lesser he talks in a cage. When one labors what he gripes for change, The more people will be convinced that one isn’t just up for a game Only then can one be truly proud of his labor using his own name
34
The Missing Piece I’ve Lost Edu Garcia Macabatas
Oh petite, so melancholic-wild heart enshrouded with rib cages, No hesitancy comes out, enthralled by blossomed ages, Thrillingly delved the unfeigned Venus de Amor, Day by day, stood as Don Quixote hence with silhouette of glamour. So dreary heart, so naĂŻve mind, Filled with kaleidoscopic flashbacks and memoirs from countless unwind, With amigoWhich twinkling eyes and blistering heartbeats, to His, I felt forego. How can I aloof from the arsenal of sweet-sorrow physique, How can I unshed from rains of Chameleon-like words? Oh so unique! When all seemingly enticing and heartily spoken?
Oh dear, I am zilch but needy of all men. No else understands my mourns- my mysterious agony, I stumbled, flew from hefty roots of reality, Fought from zealous breeze, souls free! Strings of hopes blotted in me. Numerous eludes, I kept on tangling, To scribe everything in the purest water, thou strongly splashing, Days snuffed away, similar threads and routines, Which efficacy, I thought, yet suffering deepens. Lightning struck into the deepest part of my heart, I infringed the pearl of amity we had built from the short-past, I condemn myself, as deviant of owns rule, No one to be blamed except my mind so miniscule. To the Highest, I promise to be the kindest, Of all the men, of all the Brethren.
35
FOLDED blue_cake129
YABAG CQ Tinakbuhan ko ang lahat ng responsibilidad sa labas Ngayo’y nagtatago sa lilim ng kadiliman Nanlalamig, nagpapawis at malalim ang iniisip Napayuko na lang ako sa bigat ng aking pasan Ang hapding animoy kumakalas ng kaluluwa Ang kirot na nanlulusaw ng enerhiya Pinilit kong wakasan Ngunit may narinig akong isang yabag Yabag na mabigat Malakas at nagbabadyang lumapit sa akin Napakapit nalang ako sa aking tuhod at bumulong ng isang dalangin Habang nakapikit ang mga mata Sana’y hindi si Kamatayan. Lumakas ng lumakas hanggang sa lumapit at huminto Pigil ang hininga at ang tenga’y nakikinig Isang hambalos ng kamay ang dumagan sa pinto “Beh dugay pa ka diha sa CR?!” “Kadyot lang jud Ma hapit na ko mahuman! huhu”
I Paper is Both a sheet and a piece Weird it can be an essay II In the rain at night I see slush of blue gem Where greens are remnants in day III My phone blurs Near to gray Yes I’ll die better not gay IV Been a year I received text messages From her to me V But my courage got stranded Good thing we kissed The ‘We’ is now branded
Lakbayin ang karanasan Patungo sa kamalayan Isatitik ang pintig Sagupain ang kadenang gumagapos sa isip Ilantad ang paksa Diinan ang kataga Ilimbag ang mga pangyayaring nilimot Habihin ang minsa’y mapanlinlang na sapot Sa bawat sirko ng kwento Sa kaluskos ng karunungan Maghahatid ng kaisipang ligaya At ‘di natuklasang kadalisayan
Maikling Kwento
38
Minsan sa Impyerno Yukulele King
Abril, taong 2003. Sariwa pa rin sa aking alaala ang gimbal na dala ng bakasyon na iyon. Hindi ko lubos akalain na ang biruan at hamon ng aming barkada ay ang mismong maghahatid sa amin patungo sa kapahamakan. Wala kaming laban, ano pa’t musmos pa lamang kami. Ngayon ay nakatitig na lamang ako sa peklat na iniwan ng minsan ay tinawag kong demonyo. Nagkatuwaan kami nuon nila Dodong, Jepoy at ako, na may edad 8,11 at 9. Pinagtatalunan naming tatlo kung sino ba talaga ang pinakamatapang, hanggang sa nauwi ito sa hamunan. Pinuntahan namin ang isang establisyemento na kasing tanda na ng kasaysayan. Sa labas nito, makikita na agad ang agiw at alikabok na unti-unting bumabalot. Napalunok ako bigla. Sana sumang-ayon na lang ako sa suhestiyon ni Jepoy na magpasama kay kuya Micheal, ngunit huli na. Mistulang nakikisabay ang kalangitan. Maaga pa nuon pero pumailalim na ang araw sa mga higanteng ulap, naghahari sa paligid ang kulimlim. Nagbabadya ang ulan. Randam ko ang paninimula nang aking kaba. Subalit patuloy pa rin kami sa pagpasok sa maliit na opisina upang sukatin ang aming tapang at ang aming pagka-lalaki.
Paisa-isa ang aming hakbang. Nung nasa gitna na kami ng silid, napansin namin ang isang pinto. Walang kasing tingkad ang pulang kulay nito na tila ba pininturahan ito ng sandamakmak na dugo. Biglang bumilis ang ritmo ng aking dibdib. Sumisingaw na rin ang butil ng pawis sa aking noo. Gusto ko nang lumabas at itigil ang lahat. Nang biglang may marinig kaming isang sigaw. Sigaw na tila nagmamakaawa. Agad naming napag-desisyonan na ‘wag na lamang magpatuloy at umalis na. Ngunit huli na ang aming pagpapasya. Pagtingin namin pabalik sa pinto kung saan kami pumasok ay agad naming nakita ang tatlong nilalang. Matalim ang mga titig nila sa amin. Ani mo’y may kwestyon. Bigla-bigla ay sumuko kami sa takot. Hinigop ang aming lakas, wala na kaming nagawa kundi ang maglabas ng mahinang panalangin. Wala pang isang minuto ay kinuha si Jepoy papasok sa pulang pinto. Hindi namin magawa ni Dodong na hatakin pabalik ang aming kaibigan, pagkat alam naming wala kaming laban. Kasabay ng pagsira ng pintuan ay ang pagkarinig namin sa malulutong na halakhak galing sa loob. Panginoon, tulungan mo si
39 Jepoy.Pinuno ng mga karumaldumal na imahe ang aking isipan. Ano kaya ang gagawin nila kay Jepoy? Isusunod ba nila kami? Sampung minuto ang lumipas nang bumukas ang pinto. Iniluwa nito ang maputla na si Jepoy. Makikita sa mata nito ang pagod at walang humpay na luha. Nanlumo ako bigla. Tatanungin ko sana siya tungkol sa pangyayari nang ako naman ang damputin ng nilalang. Mabilis ang sumunod na naganap. Napagtanto ko na lamang na nakalatay na pala ako sa isang kama na tulad sa isang ospital. Mainit ang paligid. Tila impyerno. Sa isang kisap ay pumalibot na sa akin ang tatlong nilalang. Mapaglaro ang kanilang mga tingin. Gusto kong magpumiglas ngunit binigo ako ng aking katawan. Hindi ko magawang gumalaw. Sa pagkakataong iyon naisip ko na katapusan ko na. Naglabas ng patalim ang isang nilalang. Kita sa pagkislap nito ang tulis. Sunod-sunod ang pag-agos ng aking pawis, kasabay nito ang mangiyak-ngiyak kong ungol. Kalaunan, matapos niyang tanggalin ang aking saplot ay may itinusok siya sa akin na hindi ko mabatid kung ano. Bahagyang lumakbay ang aking ulirat. Kinuha naman ng nilalang ang naturang pagkakataon upang idampi sa isang parte ng aking katawan ang patalim. Halos mapuno ng sigaw ang sulok ng kwarto matapos niyang hiwain ang isang bahagi ng aking balat. Subalit imbes maawa, sinuklian lamang ng higikhik ng iba pang nilalang ang aking sitwasyon. Mistulang lubos ang kanilang galak sa
pagpapasakit sa akin. Nakita ko ang pagsirit ng dugo sa parteng kanyang hiniwa.Dahil dito, agad lumisan ang aking natitirang lakas, trinaydor na rin ako ng aking boses sapagkat kahit isang tunog ay wala nang maririnig sa akin. Patuloy ang pagdaloy ng luha sa aking mga mata. Kahit ganon ay nasaksihan ko pa rin ang nakangising mukha ng mga nilalang. Sa sulok ng aking isipan ay ang magagandang alaala ng aking kamusmusan. Gumuhit bigla sa ere ang mukha ng aking pamilya, ang mga ‘di matatawarang karanasan, ang mga masasayang kabanata sa aking buhay. Ito na ba ang katapusan? Patawad mundo at wala akong nagawa. Sa aking pagkakamalay ay labing isang minuto na ang lumipas. Makaraang tahiin ng nilalang ang kanyang ginawang sugat ay nagsalita ito bigla. “Okay na dong, tama na ang pag-emote, humana ang pagtuli sa imuha.” Sabay ang kanyang nakakalokong ngiti “Ay diay Doc, salamat.” Sinalubong ako ni Dodong sa paglabas ko ng kwarto. “Okay ra bay?” tanong niya “Buang to nga doctor ay, gikataw-an ra ko. Demonyo tingali” sagot ko. “Pag sure uy! OA ra kayo ka.” Saad ni Dodong. -wakas-
40
Sa Ngalan ng Korona Shiitake Mushroom
Lumalalim na ang kanyang pagtitig sa salamin. Halos maubos na ang dalawang oras, ngunit hindi pa rin siya makontento sa pagsususi sa imaheng nasa harap niya. Wari bang may pagbabagong maaaring mangyari kung kaya’t ganun na lamang niya ito titigan. Ngunit wala. Siya ay mali. Ganoon pa rin ang anyo ng babae sa salamin. Nagtataglay pa rin ito ng mga mata na animo’y nanghihigop dahil sa ‘di mapaliwanang na lalim; may mga buhok na walang kasing tuwid; ilong na tama lang ang pagkakalikha; labi na ka-kulay ng dugo; at mala-porselanang mukha, walang kasaysayan ng tigyawat. Ang imahe ay maganda. Siya ay maganda. Ngunit hindi ito ang dahilan kung bakit mas nalulunod siya sa pagtitig. Wala siyang tanong at pagsisisi sa anuman ang nakikita niya sa kanyang mukha. Ang katawan niya ang kanyang pino-problema. Hindi tugma. Walang koneksyon. Wala talaga. Hindi mawari ni Betty kung bakit hindi pa siya ginawang perpekto ng Panginoon. Para saan pa ang karikitan ng kanyang pagmumukha kung hindi lang din naman naging balingkinitan ang kanyang katawan. Hindi naman siya mataba. Sa isang banda, hindi rin sya sexy. Sabihin na lang na hindi ganun ka-swak ang pangangatawan niya upang sumali sa mga Beauty Pageants. Hindi tugma. At ito ang kanyang lubos na ikinababahala, sapagkat kahapon lamang ay napili siya sampu ng kanyang mga propesor para sumali sa isang prestihiyosong patimpalak ng kanilang institusyon, at hindi niya ito malilimutan… “Okay class, inaanunsyo ko lamang na maliban kay Michelle Sandigo ang isa pa na magre-represent sa ating department sa darating na Perlas ng Akadyema ay si Beatrice Gallena. Inaasahan nila ang suporta niyo, kaya’t dapat nandoon kayo sa araw ng koronasyon.” Hindi niya ito malilimutan, hindi dahil sa lubos na galak sa pagkakapili sa kanya ngunit sa reaksyon ng buong klase. Tagos sa kanyang balintatanaw ang bahid ng disgusto sa mukha ng kanyang mga kaklase. Rinig din niya ang mga
41 matatalim na bulong nila. “Siya? Eh talo na tayo niyan.” “Sus! Siya talaga ang pwedeng maging bilugan-ang-naiiba sa contest na ‘yan. Tignan mo na lang ang body oh!” “ Bakit hindi si Khristine? Sayang ang model-like na katawan nun.” Napa-buntong hininga na lang si Betty. Ayaw na niyang alalahanin ang nangyari kahapon. Ang mas gusto niyang mabigyan ng pansin ay kung papaano niya paliliitin ang bewang na mayroon siya. Sa pagkakataon ding iyon, napag-isip-isip niya na kailangan na niyang magbawas ng timbang. “Diet here I come!!!” Sigaw niya sa kanyang isipan. “Nak! Baba na dyan habang mainit pa ang mechado at pork chop,” sigaw ng nanay niya na pumutol sa kanyang pagmumuni-muni “Diet? Bukas na nga lang,” tugon ni Betty sa harap ng kanyang repleksyon. “Basta, support all the way lang talaga ako sa iyo my friend,” saad ni James habang naglalakad sila ni Betty patungo sa susunod nilang klase. Siya ang matalik na kaibigan ng dalaga na mas kilala sa buong kolehiyo bilang Jane. Naging kasama ito ni Betty sa pang-araw araw, kaya’t ganun na lamang kung tawagin nilang bestfriends ang isa’t isa. “Salamat besh, pero paano naman ako mananalo ‘dun eh halos hindi na nga magkasya ang skinny jeans ko sa akin. Nakita mo na ba ang ibang kandidata, diba ang se-seksi nila?” “Tama ka naman dun besh, pero uy! Ang feslak mo, talbog silang lahat! Mata mo pa lang, pak! Pak! Pak! Talagang uusbong ng sobra-sobra ang ekonomiya ng bansa.” Natawa na lang si Betty sa ginawa ng kaibigan, may aksyon pa talaga itong animo’y pumapatay ng lamok sa ere. “Siya yun? Sure ka? My gosh! Nakaka-degrade naman. Sumali pa naman ako sa contest sa pag-aakalang makakalaban ko ang mga pinakamaganda sa lahat ng departments…” Napahinto si Jane at Betty dahil sa narinig. Sa kaliwa kasi ng monumento ng pugot na ulo ni Rizal ay may bench kung saan nakaupo si Steffanie at kanyang mga alipores. Isa siya sa kandidata ng Tourism Department ng kanilang paaralan. Hindi man lubos narinig ng dalawa ang buong sinabi ni Steff ngunit batid nilang si Betty ang pinatatamaan nito. Gusto sanang sumugod ni Betty sa grupo upang dagdagan ang ulo na nakapatong sa monumento ngunit pinigilan sya ni Jane.
42 “Wag na friend, baka ika-disqualify mo lang ang mangyayari, lalo na kung nalaman ng administration na nabawasan ng isa ang nagbabayad sa kanila ng tuition, alam mo naman kung paano pinapahalagahan ng school ang bawat estudyante lalo na yung pwedeng solicitan ng donations diba?” Tama si Jane. Hindi siya dapat pumatol sa may patol na. Sayang lang ang enerhiya na magagamit niya sa paggulpi sa babae. Mabuti pa’t gamitin na lamang niya ito sa pagsu-zumba, sa ganung paraan may chance pa syang magkaroon ng curves. Muli silang naglakad. Ganoon pa man, mangiyak-ngiyak pa rin siya dahil sa pang-iinsultong narinig. “Hay salamat, nawala na rin si Ms. Fatty Acids,” pagpapatuloy ni Steff. “Ma’am magba-backout na sana ako, sobra na kasi po ‘yong pressure na nararamdaman ko these past few days. Minsan nagtataka na rin po ako kung tama ba ‘yong desisyon ko na sumali sa Perlas,” paliwanag ni Betty kay Mrs. Tomas nang minsa’y pinatawag siya nito dahil sa hindi pagsipot sa rehearsals. “Betty wag naman, wag ngayon. Tatlong linggo na lang at magaganap na ‘yong kumpetisyon. Tsaka ngayon ka pa panghihinaan ng loob eh halos ma-perfect mo na ‘yong lakad mo.” “Eh Ma’am, maliban kay Michelle, hindi po kasi kami nagkakasundo ng ibang kandidata lalo na si Steff. Palagi na lang po nila akong pinatatamaan. Hindi naman po sa naduduwag ako Ma’am, kaya lang naisip ko ring wala talaga akong lugar sa Perlas.” Naaalala na naman ni Betty ang bawat bulong ng ibang kandidata na pilit din namang ipinaparinig sa kanya. Hindi naman niya ito pinapansin, ngunit naipon na talaga ang lahat sa kanyang dibdib. Alam niyang may alas siya pagdating sa ganda, minsan pa nga’y narinig niyang kinaiinggitan ito ng ibang kandidata ngunit pagdating sa hubog ng katawan ay wala talaga siyang laban. Ginawa na naman niya ang lahat. Araw-araw na niyang jina-jogging ang kalye nila kasama na rin ang Kalye Tres at Kalye Singko. Half cup na rin ang rice na kinokonsyumo niya sa bawat kainan at higit pa run ay ang paglisan din niya sa pruben, tokneneng, fish ball at ibang pagkain na inilatag sa lansangan. Hindi na rin siya nagpupuyat, minsan pa nga’y hindi na niya nagawang sagutan ang tanong ni Prof. Alponso dahil sa hindi niya pagbabasa sa gabi bago ang kanilang oral recitation. Sa ngayon namaalam na rin siya sa pagtutok sa gabi-gabing romansang hatid ng On The Wings of Love. Lahat na talaga na kinahiligan niya ay kanya nang inalis upang kahit papaano’y matapyasan
43 lamang ang laylay sa braso at tagiliran niya. Ngunit hindi tumalab. Mas lalong nakakita pa nang topic na pagkukutyaan sa kanya ang tinuturing niyang kalaban. “Look girls, diba I’ve told you all na kahit takbuhin pa ng dreamer na ‘yan ang kahabaan ng National Highway ay hindi pa rin siya papayat. What’s worse is that nagkaroon pa siya ng muscles sa binti. Eww gross!” Kasunod ng mga sinabi ni Steff ay ang malulutong na halakhak ng ibang dilag, maliban kay Michelle. “Miss Gallena?... Are you with me?... Miss Gallena?” “Ho? Ano po ‘yun Ma’am?” Nabalik bigla sa reyalidad si Betty matapos niyang salimsimin ang mga pangyayari sa nakaraang rehearsals nila. “What I’ve been telling you Ms. Gallena is that I know na ‘yang hubog mo ang nagbibigay insecurities sa iyo…” Ay pati ba naman si Ma’am Tomas ay pansin ang tinatago niyang taba. “… that’s why I’m recommending you to do some alternatives. What I mean is that you may resort to medicines, herbal medicines perhaps, for you to achieve that perfect slim. Saan pa’t kabote na sa bawat botika ang mga pampapayat. Wala naman sigurong mawawala kung susubukan mo diba?” Napag-isip si Betty. Bakit hindi niya agad nasubukan ‘yun? Halos araw-araw din naman niyang naririnig sa radyo ng lolo niya ang mga positibong testimonya ng mga tao matapos ‘di umano nilang gamitin ang isang gamot pampapayat. “Basta what I’m trying to do here Ms. Gallena is to convince you to continue on participating on the competition. Sayang ang ganda mo Betty, I know you deserve a spot and even the crown in that Perlas ng Akademiya,” saad ni Ma’am Tomas. “Sige po Ma’am, pag-iisipan ko,” tanging sagot niya. “Wag na ‘yang pag-iisipan pa, gawin mo na lang,” ani Ma’am Tomas. “Ito yung sinasabi mo besh? Eh parang hindi naman deserving pagkatiwalaan,” komento ni Jane sa ipinakita ni Betty na isang bote ng slimming capsules. “Effective yan besh, eh halos mabingi na nga ako sa pagrinig ng mga testimonies nung mga nakagamit na.” “Sino ba yang mga tao na yan ha? At bakit paniwalang-paniwala ka sa mga sinabi nila, saan mo ba sila nakilala?”
44 “Actually hindi ko pa sila nakikilala at nakikita, narinig ko lamang ‘yung testimonya nila sa patalastas sa radyo ni Lolo Pol.” “My goodness! Sa radyo pa mismo ni Lolo Pol ka kumuha ng supporting details eh mas gurang pa ‘yun sa kanya eh. Tsaka basahin mo nga yung label oh, hindi ka ba nanghihinala diyan. May pa “You’ve desiring sexy body is for you!” eh nakakadiri sa pagka-wrong grammar. Ako sa iyo Betty, ‘wag mo na lang subukan ‘yan baka ikasama pa yan ng health mo no!” “Ngayon ko lang naman gagamitin ‘to Jane. Promise ko sa’yo pagkatapos ng pageant ay tapos na rin ako sa pagintake nito. At diba there’s no harm in trying, ite-testing ko lang talaga kung effective nga ba ito.” “Ay ewan ko sa’yo besh, basta ‘wag kang tumakbo sa akin pag inatake ka ng LBM dahil sa kapsulang iyan.” Hindi na nga napigilan si Betty sa pagsubok ng kapsula. Araw-araw, sa paggising sa umaga at sa gabi bago matulog ay umiinom siya ng natatanging gamot. Dahil din dito napansin niyang biglaan ang pagliit ng bewang niya, kapalit man nito ang palagian din niyang pagbisita sa banyo. Nawawalan na din siya ng gana sa mga pagkain na nagpapalaway sa kanya noon. Effective nga! Napagtanto niya. Laking gulat din ng ibang kandidata sa mabilisang pagbabago ng hugis ni Betty. Hindi na sya ang maalon-alon na aparador tulad ng dati, may curves na siyang pwedeng ipagmalaki. Nahuli rin niya minsan ang pagtitig ni Steff sa kanya. Kita sa mukha nito ang pagkainggit sa kaanyuan na ngayon ay meron siya. Mailan-ilan din ang mga pagkakataong tinatanong siya ng ibang kandidata, ng mga kaklase niya, ng kanyang mga propesor at sino pa man sa pagbabago ng pigura niya. Sinasagot na lamang niya ito ng “ It’s diet, regular exercise and of course my persistence.” Minsan ay naiiwan na lamang na naka-nganga ang mga tao sa tuwing siya ay daraan. Araw na ng kompetisyon! Ito na ang pinakamimithi ni Betty. Sa wakas magagamit na rin niya ang kapangyarihang dala ng kapsula. Lingid kay Jane at sa pamilya ni Betty ay ang pagdoble ng rami ng kapsulang iniinom niya sa araw-araw, may mga pagkakataong sumusuka na si Betty dahil sa gamot ngunit patuloy niya pa rin itong tinatangkilik. Dahil sa paglihis sa tamang bilang ng ini-intake ay ang pagbaba pa mismo ng timbang niya. Bakas sa mukha at braso ni Betty ang kapayatan. Inaalala na rin ito ng kanyang pamilya. Mistulang nasobrahan na ang kandidata sa
45 determinasyon niya para sa kompetisyon at nalilimutan na nito ang alagaan ang sarili, tunay na alaga at hindi ang biglaang pagyakap sa animo’y malnutrisyon. “Anak sigurado kabang kaya mo ang gabing ito? Hindi ka ba nasisikipan sa gown mo, at ang heel ng sapatos mo parang ang taas naman yata, hindi kaba masasaktan niyan?” pag-aalala ng nanay niya. “Si nanay naman, ngayon pa ba ako masasaktan sa sandals na’to eh halos araw-araw ko na itong sinusout.” Paninigurado ni Betty. Napahinga na lamang ng malalim ang kanyang ina, kasabay ang isang mahinang dasal. “I’m Beatrice Galleno, 19, from the College of Business Administration Education!” Nakakabingi ang palakpakan sa loob ng gymnasium. Halos nagsusumigaw ang lahat ng kanyang pangalan. Nag-iba bigla ang pakiramdam ni Betty. Ngayon lamang niya ito naranasan, ang mahalin ng madla at isigaw ang kanyang pangalan na tila isa siyang diyosa. Masarap. Para sa kanya ito na ang pinakamasarap na pakiramdam. “I love you Betty!” huling narinig niya bago siya tumahak pabalik sa likod ng stage. Naging matindi ang laban sa pagitan ni Betty at Steff. Nagpabalik-balik sila sa harapang bahagi ng stage upang kumuha ng kani-kanilang awards. Nakuha ni Steff ang Best Performer, Best in Playsuit Attire at Most Photogenic. Habang nasungkit naman ni Betty ang Best in Evening Gown, Best in Avant-Garde Dress at Miss Congeniality. Kahit hindi pa man natapos ang pagbibigay ng special at minor awards ay alam na ng lahat na makakasama ang dalawa sa Top 5. At ito nga ay nangyari. Nakapasok nga si Betty sa limang natitira upang magsang-buno para sa korona, kasama si Steff. Hindi na lubos maintindihan ni Betty ang kanyang nararamdaman. Naghalo na ang galak, kaba, at sakit na mistulang pumipilipit sa kanyang kalamnan. Ngunit hindi na niya ito nilalaanan ng pansin. Kailangan niyang mag pokus sa papalapit na Question and Answer Portion sapagkat batid niyang may lamang siya kay Steff sa pagkakataong ito. “If you will be given a chance to choose, what will you prefer to have: beauty or prestige?” Biglang gumuhit sa mukha ni Betty ang isang mapaglarong ngiti. Para sa kanya ay napakamadali ng tanong na ibinigay ng isang hurado sa kanya. Humugot muna siya ng isang malalim na hinga bago sinimulan ang pagsagot. “Good evening everyone…” Sumunod dito ang hiyaw ng mga manonood.
46 “… well, if I will be given a chance, I would prefer to have beauty than prestige. Because I believe that beauty, especially the inside, will give you prestige if you will use this in bringing goodness and promoting welfare to everyone and I think that hits the point!” Halos gumuho ang entablado sa tindi ng ingay na bumalot sa loob ng gymnasium. Nagkukumahog sa pagpapalakpak at paghiyaw ang mga taga-suporta ni Betty. Mga taga-suporta na ngayon lamang nagsilabasan matapos ang kanyang pagbabagong anyo. Maaaninag sa mukha ng dalaga ang ngiti na animo’y pupunit na sa kanyang mukha dahil sa laki at wagas nito. Sa kabilang banda, halos manlumo naman si Steff pagkat alam niyang walang panama ang sagot niya kanina. “And the new Perlas ng Akademiya is…” Wala na sa normal na ritmo ang puso ni Betty, gayun din kay Steff. Silang dalawa na lamang ang natitira at isa sa kanila ang mag-uuwi ng korona. Panay ang tahimik na dalangin ni Betty sa sarili. Habang patuloy naman na kinukumbinse ni Steff ang sarili na siya ang mag-uuwi ng korona, nang biglang… “is Beatrice Gallena!” Mistulang may atomic bomb na sumabog sa loob ng paaralan nang i-anunsyo ang pagkapanalo ni Betty. Walang pagsidlan ang kasiyahan na nadarama ng mga manonood, ng kanyang pamilya, ni Jane at ng kanyang mga propesor. “Sa wakas!” Sa isip-isip ni Betty. “Sa wakas… ako na naman ang may karapatan!” Matagal nang minimithi ng dalaga ang makuha ang korona upang siya naman ang magkaroon ng pagkakataon na magyabang, manglait sa mga dati’y katulad niya. Sa wakas at hindi na niya mararanasan ang maging tampulan ng kutya at isyu. Sa wakas, siya naman ang may karapatan na manukso at ang magpahayag sa buong institusyon ng kanyang natatanging ganda. Habang inilalagay sa ulo ni Betty ang korona ay hindi mawala sa isip niya ang magpasalamat sa kapsula ng tumulong sa kanya upang maging instant beauty queen. Lubos ang kanyang pasasalamat dito, na hindi na niya inalintana ang magpasalamat sa Maykapal. Bahala na. Ang importante sa ngayo’y nanalo siya. Lubos na ang kanyang pagiging beauty queen. Nailagay na sa kanya ang korona na nagpapatunay ng kanyang kaluwalhatian. Masaya. Hindi. Dapat sobrang galak. Tila lumulutang na si Betty sa alapaap. Ngunit may mali. Hindi niya maintidihan kung bakit. Parang may kung ano ang pumupunit sa loob
47 niya. Literal. Masakit. Sobrang sakit. Napayuko si Betty sa kadahilanang hindi na niya kaya. Nagulat ang mga nanonood pati na si Steff. May biglang kulay pula na lumabas sa ilong ni Betty. Kasunod nito ang pag-ubo rin niya may halong dugo. Nanlumo ang lahat. Tumahimik bigla ang paligid matapos pigilan ng mga tao ang kanilang mga hinga. Sila ay nagulat. Napatahiya si Betty sa sahig ng entablado. Lumalabo ang kanyang paningin. Unti-unting kinakain ng dilim ang kanyang naaaninag. Wala na. Wala na siyang makita maliban sa imahe ng bote ng kapsula na kanyang minsa’y sinamba. “Tumawag kayo ng ambulansya!� isang sigaw ang pumutol sa katahimikan. Kalauna’y binalot ng ingay ng sirena galing sa ambulansya ang buong paligid. Marami ang umiiyak, naghihinagpis. Mabilis talaga ang karma.
48
Sa Ilog, Isang Gabi Dora d’ drug pusher
Naninigas ang buong katawan ni Marco. Hindi niya maialis ang tingin sa asawa niyang naglalakad sa ibabaw ng mala-kristal na ilog. Kitang-kita pa ang nananalaming buwan sa tubig. Ilang sandali pa’y pumaimbabaw ang mga paa nitong pinalilibutan ng mga gintong alikabok na di naglao’y lumamon kay Celeste. Pagkamangha ang nasok sa kukote ng lalake subalit napalitan ito ng sobrang takot nang lumingon sa kanya ang babae. Papalapit ito sa kanya taglay ang mga nanlilisik na mga mata. Pinlit niyang kumilos at tumakbo papalayo. Sa kasamaang palad ay naabutan ng mahahabang mga kamay ni Celeste ang mga paa ni Marco. Napatumba siya lakas ng puwersa. Nagpupumiglas. Inaasam na makawala sa pagkakahawak. Ngunit kumalma ito nang mapagtantong ang pinakamamahal na asawa pa rin niya iyon. “Celeste,” ang tanging nasambit niya. Hirap siya sa paghinga dulot ng mahigpit na pagkakasakal sa kanya. Pinagmasdan niya si Celeste. Sinasamsam ang mga sandaling ang araw ay nakangiti sa kanilang dalawa. Maya-maya’y lumuha siya. Lumuwang ang pagkakahawak ni Celeste, wari’y natauhan. “Marco.” Tumama sa mukha ni Marco ang sinag ng bumabating haring araw. Nanunuot naman sa ilong niya ang samyo ng pandesal at kapeng bitbit ni Celeste. “Kanina pa kita ginigising mahal. Mukhang masama ang gising natin ngayon ah?” Nagagalak ang padre de pamilya sa pagising niya’t nasilayan pa ang katotohanan mula sa masalimuot na bangungot. “Di naman.” Bumangon siya’t inabot ang isang tasa ng kape. “Ah!” Napasigaw siya sa kirot dulot ng mga sugat niya sa bandang likuran. Uniti-unti nang nilalamon ng mga sugat niya ang buo niyang katawan. Dahil dito ay napilitan siyang huminto sa pagtatrabaho sa sarili nilang ospital. Kapwa doktor ang mag-asawa. Makailang ulit na nilang sinubukang gamutin ang sakit ni Marco. Maging mga kaibigang espesyalista sa balat sa Pilipinas at ibang bansa ay walang
49 nagawa para sa kanya. Tumabi si Celeste sa asawa. “Alam mo mahal, siguro panahon na para magtiwala naman tayo sa ibang paraan. Yun bang taliwas sa batas ng siyensya.” Napaisip si Marco sa sinabi niya. Nang araw ding yaon ay nagtungo sila sa napapabalitang si Ka Ferdie ng Sitio Apil-apil. Sa tindig ni Ka Ferdie ay hindi maisasalamin ang pagiging albularyo niya. Sa mansyon ito nakatira at puno ng makabagong kagamitan ang buong bahay. Gayunpaman, sa limampung taong panggagamot ay hindi siya nanghingi ng bayad sa mga pasyente at ni isang reklamo ay wala siyang natanggap. Tiningnan ng matanda ang nabubulok na balat ni Marco. “ Mga anak, alam kong higit pa kayong nakakaalam sa mga pasikot-sikot sa mundo ng medisina. Ngunit kung ipahihintulot niyo, sadyang may mga bagay lang talaga na kahit pa ang pinakamatalinong tao sa mundo ay hindi makapagpapaliwanag. Hinihingi ko lamang ang inyong matayog na pananalig sa Maykapal at paniniwalang malulunasan ang iyong karamdaman hijo.” Sumang-ayon naman ang dalawa sa sinabi ni Ka Ferdie. Nag-alay ng dasal ang albularyo bilang paghingi ng pahintulot at gabay sa gagawing pagpapagaling. Sumunod ay kumuha siya ng panyo at ipinambalot sa laman ng itlog na nakalagay as isang baso ng tubig. Pagkatapos ay patiwarik niya itong pinaikot-ikot sa naglalarong apoy ng kandila at paulit-ulit na idinampi sa ulo ni Marco. Ayon kay Ka Ferdie, ilang sandali lang pagkatapos ng ritwal at malalaman na nila ang sanhi at kaukulang solusyon sa sakit. Sa wakas at tinanggal na sa pagkakabalot ang baso. Makikita sa loob ng baso ang namumulang tubig na may kasamang mga uod na dahan-dahang kinakain ang noo’y dilaw na itlog na naging kasing kulay na ng putik. Tsaka nagpahayag ang manggagamot, “hijo, may mga nakaalitan ba kayo?” “Naku, wala po tatang,” sagot niya. “Kung ganoo’y mabuti. Subalit matindi ang lasong dumadaloy sa dugo mo. Paumanhin ngunit palaisipan pa rin sa akin ngayon ang tumpak na dahilan ng iyong sakit. Pero huwag kayong mabahala. Malalabanan natin ito pansamantala hanggang sa matukoy ang puno’t dulo nito. Nangangailangan lamang ito ng kooperasyon ninyong dalawa.” Tahimik lang ang mag-asawa. “Ikaw, Celeste, kinakailangan mong magdasal sa hatinggabi.” Tumugon ng buong loob si Celeste.
50 “Isang dasal na ikaw lang ang makakarinig maliban sa mga nahihimlay na mga yumao sa mga kabaong. Ibig sabihin ikaw lang mag-isa. Nangangailangan ang gawaing ito ng napakalakas na loob. Hindi ito magiging madali, alam ko,” pagpapatuloy ni Ka Ferdie. “Ano! Si Celeste, sa sementeryo? Sira ka ba?” Sigaw ni Marco. “Patawad hijo. Pero wala nang ibang paraan. Buhay mo ang nakataya sa puntong ito.” “Okay lang Marco, gagawin ko. Kakayanin ko,” usisa ni Celeste. Napagbalingan naman ng atensyon ni Ka Ferdie ang suot na singsing ng babae na kahawig ng alahas na sinusuot ng asawa. Subalit ayaw magpatalo ni Marco. “Hindi, at hindi na magbabago pa ang desisiyon ko. Aalis na kami. Maraming salamat po.” Samantala, sa pag-alis ng mga panauhin ay may napansing kakaiba ang matanda. Naamoy niya ang awrang taglay ng di pangkaraniwang nilalang. Patungo iyon sa kakaalis lamang na kotse nina Marco. Kinilabutan si Ka Ferdie. Nagmadali itong kumuha ng mga kagamitan na ipanglalaban sa anumang masamang elementong maaaring humarang sa kanya. Sa mga oras na iyon ay naging malinaw ang lahat sa kanya. Sinundan niya ang mga panauhin kanina upang pagbantaan sa posibleng mangyari. Habang tahimik sa biyahe, makailang beses pinag-isipan ni Marco ang nangyari kanina. Ilang sandali pa ay nagsalita si Celeste. “Sa ayaw at sa gusto mo, gagawin ko iyon!” “Nahihibang ka na ba? Tumigil ka nga!” “Ikaw ang hibang! Gusto mo bang mamatay? Paano ako? Paano kami ng mga anak mo? Kung para as paggaling mo, lahat gagawin ko. Hindi ako takot sa mga patay. Takot akong ika’y mamatay.” “Pero kahit na!” Nagmamatigas pa rin si Marco. Hindi na nakapagpigil pa si Celeste at napasigaw na siya dulot ng emosyon. “Kung madali lang talaga ang lahat Marco. Langyang buhay ito! Sana wala na yang sakit mo! Sana gumaling ka na!” Napahinto sa pagmamaneho si Marco. Nagulat si Celeste. Subalit higit pa rito ang naramdaman nilang dalawa nang makitang nawawala na ang mga sugat as braso at leeg niya. Hindi makapaniwala and dalawa sa nangyari. “Marco...ang mga sugat mo.”
51 “Paanong...Celeste, magaling na ako! Magaling na ako!” Walang pagsidlan ang tuwa sa kanilang mga puso. Abot langit ang pasasalamat nila sa paggaling ng katawan ni Marco. Kinagabihan, pumunta si Celeste sa namumulaklak nilang hardin para magpahangin. Iniisip ang mga maaaring nangyari at nangyari sa araw na iyon habang sinisipsip ang dalang alak. Sumunod naman si Marco suot ang abot tengang ngiti. “Mahal.” Sabi ni Marco. “Kung sakaling hindi ito naganap, pupunta ka ba sa sementeryo para gawin yun? “Nagtanong ka pa. Alam mo naman ang isasagot ko diba?” Nagbigay ng mapanuksong ngiti si Marco. “Kung ako nasa lugar mo Celeste, hindi ko gagawin yun.” Hindi nagustuhan ni Celeste ang mga salitang iyon at sinuntok ng mahina sa braso ang asawa. “Ang sama mo!” Pero tinawanan lang siya nito. “Teka! Di pa nga tapos. Hindi ko gagawin yun sapagkat alam ko sa puso ko na kahit mawala ka man sa mundo, sa isip ko, nag-iisa lang ako para sa iyo.” “Ang kapal mo rin ano?” “Sus! Parang kanina lang eh sinabi mong di mo kayang mawala ako sa iyo. Tapos ngayon ganyan ka.” “Tama na ang drama. Maiba ako, ano kaya ang nangyari para gumaling ka ng di inaasahan? May kinalaman kaya si Ka Ferdie?” Hindi rin alam ni Marco kung bakit. “Ewan. Kung isang sumpa man yun para sa akin, marahil pinawalang bisa na yun ng may pakana.” “Ang ikinatatakot ko lang ay baka...” “Ano?” Di na itinuloy pa ni Celeste ang pangungusap na iyon. Nanatili pa sila ng ilang minuto doon. Pawang kasiyahan lamang ang makikita sa mukha ng dalawang nagmamahalan. Ang di nila alam, may lihim na nagbabantay sa bawat kilos nila. Maayos ang naging takbo ng buhay ng dalawa nang sumunod na mga araw. Tungkol sa milagrong nangyari, kumonsulta sila sa ibang eksperto dahil hindi na nila nakita pa si Ka Ferdie. Ayon sa mga kapitbahay niya, nasa bakasyon
52 ang matanda. Basi sa testimonya ng mag-asawa, inisip ng mga kinonsulta nila na resulta yaon ng divine healing. Hindi ito hinihingi ngunit ibinibigay ng nasa itaas kung kagustuhan Niyang pagalingin ang isang tao. Dala na rin ng mga ininom na mga gamot ni Marco ang agarang paggaling niya dagdag pa ng mga pinagtanungan nila. Ngunit kaakibat pa rin ng kasiyahan ang pitong tuping kalungkutan. Sa di malamang dahilan, iniiwasan na ni Celeste si Marco. Hindi na siya kinakausap ni tinitingnan kagaya ng dati. Sinubukan niyang tanungin si Celeste pero hindi ito binalingan ng pansin. Pinaimbestigahan niya ito kung may ibang lalaking umaaligid sa kanya pero wala rin naman. Magkasama nga sila sa iisang bubong subalit wasak ang nasa loob ng tahanan. Wala siyang kaidi-ideya kung bakit ganun na lamang ang trato sa kanya. Isang gabi, sa sama ng loob ay umuwing lasing si Marco. Patumba-tumba kung maglakad. Napagkakamalan pa ang mga ilaw ng poste na buwan na handa niyang sungkitin maibalik lamang ang nawalang pag-ibig. “Celeste!” Sumigaw siya dahilan para mag-ingay ang mga aso’t pusang paggalagala sa kalye. “Kausapin mo naman ako! Ang hirap kasi sa’yo iwas ka nang iwas! Sabihin mo kasi ang problema. Matatanggap ko naman eh! Pagod na akong maging manhid. Alam mo yun? Pero anong magagawa ko? Mahal kita eh,” sabay sipa sa lata at tumama sa basurahan. “Celeste, maawa ka naman sa akin,” napahagulgol na ng iyak si Marco. Nagpatuloy muli siya sa paglalakad at napadaan sa tabing ilog. Doo’y napansin niya ang isang babae. Pagkamangha ang nasok sa kukote ng lalake subalit napalitan ito ng sobrang takot nang lumingon sa kinaroroonan niya ang babae. Nalaman niyang si Celeste ang minamasdan niyang nakalutang sa ere sa ibabaw ng nagniningning na tubig sa ilog. Tila bumalik siya sa katinuan nang makaramdam siya ng takot sa mga nanlilisik na mga mata ng babae. Masuwerte siya’t hindi siya nakita dulot ng madilim at madamong paligid. Ilang minuto pa ay lumantad ang mga gintong polbo na bumalot sa buong katawan ni Celeste. Nang maglaho ang mga ito ay bumulaga ang isang napakagandang nilalang. Suot ang napakagarang pula at gintong damit na abot lupa’y mamamasdan sa mukha niya ang bata at maamong mukha. Ang mga buhok niya’y malikhaing nakapulupot na tulad sa mga ahas na makikita sa baston ni Hermes, ang dakilang diyos ng mga mensahero. Subalit mahirap ilarawan ang damdamin niya. Sa paningin ni Marco ay mukhang wala sa sarili ang asawa. Lumipas ang mga segundo at dumating ang isang estranghero. Matangkad at matipuno. Patungo ito sa
53 kinatatayuan ni Celeste. Pagkarating ay inabot ang banayad na kamay ng animo’y ikakasal na dilag saka hinalikan. Galit, pagkamuhi, sakit at awa sa sarili ang tumatak sa kaloob-looban ni Marco. May halong hiwaga man o wala, iisa lang ang malinaw sa kanya, wala na silang dalawa. Pinilit niyang itago ang mga luhang nagpupumilit lumabas anumang oras. Tumakbo siya papalayo. Sa pagkakataong ito ay miserable ang kanyang utak. Malayo ang kanyang narating at di na niya alam kung saan na siya napunta. Sa kasagsagan ng kanyang pagtakbo ay nakarining siya ng mga yapak ng kung anong paparating. Sa di kalayuan ay nakakita siya ng liwanag. Lalong lumakas ang mga yapak at malinaw na isang rumaragasang kabayo ang dumarating. Bumaba ang may sakay nito at kinausap si Marco. “Hijo. Anong ginagawa mo sa lugar na ito sa diyes oras ng gabi? Maraming paggalagalang mga hayop ang naghahanap ng pagkain sa panahong ito.” Umayos sa pagkakatayo si Marco. “Wala po manang,” tugon niya sa matandang babae. Walang anu-ano’y dumating na naman ang isa pang taong sakay din ng isang kabayo. “Ka Ferdie?” “Yaaa!” Huminto ang hayop. “Hijo. Patawad kung hindi ko kayo napagsabihan agad. Pero kung mamarapatin mo, sana hindi kayo umalis agad. Gayunpaman, masaya ako’t nakita kita.” Kahit hindi naiintindihan ni Marco ang sitwasyon ay huminahon siya kahit paano. “Siya nga pala, hijo, ang asawa ko.” Pagkatapos magkakilala ay ipinakita ni Ka Ferdie ang singsing na katulad ng kay Celeste. “Marco, pamilyar ba sa iyo ito?” Sumagot si Marco nang walang pagdadalawang isip. “Sa asawa ko yan!” “Mali ka hijo. Magkamukha lang. Yung singing na suot ng iyong asawa, siguradong hindi sa iyo galing iyon. Sigurado rin akong hindi iyon binili. Pero, matanong ko lang, nanaginip ka ba ng masama tungkol kay Celeste?” “Palagi po.” Lumingon siya sa asawa pero wala na ito sa kanyang kinatatayuan. “Celeste.” Nangamba siya bigla. “Makinig ka Marco. May ibang nilalang na nabighani kay Celeste. Ang singsing na iyon ay palatandaan na may nagmamasid sa kanya. Binibigyan nila ng matinding problema ang napagdidiskitahan nila upang mapilitan itong humiling, sinasadya man o hindi. Kasabay nito ay kukunin na nila nang tuluyan ang iniibig nilang tao. Kagaya ng asawa ko.” Naalala ni Marco ang mga kaganapan sa loob ng kanilang kotse noong araw na gumaling siya. “Kaya pala.” “Ano iyon Marco?”
54 “Wala po. Tulungan niyo po ako. Parang awa niyo na.” “Huwag kang mag-alala,” sabi ni Aling Ising. “Mababawi natin siya. Nakawala nga ako eh, siya pa kaya. Tutulungan namin kayo.” “Ngunit, paano niyo po nalamang...” Hindi na pinatapos pa ng pagsasalita si Marco. “Magmula noong nagpagamot ka sa akin, hindi ko na inalis ang tingin sa inyo. Pero hindi lang ako ang nagbabantay sa inyo, maging ang nilalang na gustong umagaw kay Celeste mula sa iyo. Kung magtatanong ka rin lang kung paano ka namin natagpuan, maniwala ka, hindi ka namin natagpuan. Talagang nagkita lang tayo. Ngunit inaamin ko, matagal na kitang nais makausap.” “Kung ganun po, tara po dun sa may ilog,” pakli ni Marco. Humarurot sila patungo sa ilog. Hindi nga sila nabigo sapagkat nandoon pa sila Celeste at ang engkanto. Ngayo’y maihahalintulad na sa lobong tinubuan ng sungay ng usa at mga malalaking mata ng kuwago ang ulo nito. Natakot si Marco sa nakita. Pero nanaig pa rin ang tapang sa kanya. Nilapitan niya si Celeste. Habang ang mag-asawang Ka Ferdie at Aling Ising ay lumalaban ng buong lakas. Kinuha ni Ka Ferdie ang langis at punlang gawa sa pilak na nakamamatay para sa mga ‘di pangkaraniwang nilalang ngunit hindi sa tao. Samantala, panay ang paglabas ng mga salitang Latino ng orasyon mula sa bibig ni Aling Ising. “Celeste!” Hawak niya ang asawa sa mga braso nito. “Pakinggan mo ako. Si Marco ito! Ano ba! Gumising ka! Celeste!” Walang nangyari. Ganun pa rin si Celeste. Hanggang sa natauhan ito nang dukutin ni Marco ang singsing sa kamay niya. “Marco.” Tila naninibago siya sa mga nakita. Nasurpresa sa suot niya at sa mga nangyayari. “Anong nangyari?” “Huwag ka nang magtanong. Tara na!” Tumakbo sila papalayo. Nakita nila ang mag-asawang albularyo na papalapit sa kanila. Huminto sila. “Ka Ferdie!” Masayang sinalubong ng dalawa ang mga matatanda. “Saan kayo pupunta?” Tanong ni Aling Ising. “Tatakas po kami. Tulungan niyo po kami,” pakiusap ni Celeste. Nagtinginan sina Ka Ferdie at Aling Ising. “Oo naman. Tutulungan namin kayo. Tara na!” Tumalikod sila para
55 sundan nina Marco. Ngunit, sa nakita nila’y hiniling na lang nila na sana hindi sila humingi ng tulong sa kanila. “Dito ang daan, Marco.” Pagkatapos ng mga salitang iyon ay nag-iba ang anyo ng dalawang matanda, katulad ng nakita ni Marco sa halimaw na gustong manulot kay Celeste. “Mahal, takbo tayo. Isa, dalawa, tat...” “Anong problema hijo? Sumama ka na...” sambit ni Ka Ferdie. “...sa mundo ng kamatayan,” pagpapatuloy ni Celeste sa inumpisahang pangungusap ng halimaw na albularyo. Lingid sa kaalaman ni Marco ay tuluyan nang kinuha ng masamang elemento ang buhay ng mag-asawa kabilang rin ng kanyang Celeste.
56
Saudade Jaycris dela Cruz
Eagerness had fled her body when she stood a good twenty yards at the entrance of where she spent her entire childhood. She felt more like wanting to retrace her journey back than entering the humble abode that housed memories that slowly kills her. It was not a choice why she is looking for her own death because no matter how she lied, deep inside she can’t fool her heart that longs to go back. In contrast to the strong grip she had at her blue backpack –a gift, no, a treasure she grimly remembered - her steps were weak with only her jeans, beat up Chucks on her dainty feet and a size bigger than her frame white cotton shirt keeping her form. Being clothed in her usual tough look gal, she was hanging on to appearance to masquerade the pain she is being held as prisoner. Bravery was once her strong suit but it crumbles to dust when a call from home disrupts the beautiful November sunset in the city where she’d gone to college a month ago. No frills, no masked insinuations or broken words half concealing the truth. Just a plain sentence she wished was not real sent a harsh yet cold fact and a rude awakening that took a while before it sank. Welcome me, she thought woefully. Definitely, not the homecoming she was used to. Was. Past tense. Just a couple of weeks but yes, past indeed. The idea sent a bitter taste in her gut. Realizing she was holding breath since setting foot, she let it out as if by doing so could stop the dizziness hammering in her head and that single emotion ripping her heart. Standing in the foyer, she came face to face with her collection of paperbacks piled neatly in the shelves. A leaf or two from them resembles parts of what she’s currently feeling. On her left, bright window drapes hang loosely playing with the late morning breezes but it fails to defeat the depressing atmosphere. Even the gray sky looming sympathized with the place, with her. Of course, how could they not, when they too witnessed what happened weeks before. Apparently she did not need words for every note of the deafening silence struck the chord clearly. She could hear them thinking it like how her mind keeps on remembering. She continued to walk wondering where her family is at the hour. Instead of finding one of them, her feet had dragged her to the corner that once became a refuge. That cold wall that withstood many hardships, angry for a new paint
57 and dust had its good side offering great comfort to someone who felt pouring a dam of fat tears and in it for the long haul of crying marathon. A lump leisurely climbed up her throat and refused to go upon the flashback moment that sends her in a zombie-like state. There, she could clearly see a woman with glorious waist-length hair splayed on the floor weeping in wild abandonment. Her sob tore some people’s peaceful evening. Her face sculpted with Goddess Aphrodite on mind became a portrait painted with the saddest brush paired with the loneliest thoughts. “I...I c-can’t. Won’t c-cry.” She tried pushing the memory into a box and tucking it at the farthest corner of her mind while retreating to her room but she did not stand a chance. She had done her share but that anguished voice sounding foreign to her ears betrayed her. The hurt enveloping the words cut to her heart dragging her back to the same state. She didn’t have the energy to go any farther but back to despair of losing someone so much close to her. Now locked from the outside world, she raised her head only to be held hostage by the gaze of the woman she had shared her life with. Another episode of longing hit her, raising things to being unbearable. Pain is something that couldn’t be ignored and so she surrendered to it. The tears she’d been fighting so hard to hold back began to slide down her cheeks. Vulnerability surrounded her. Perhaps even the softest tug could leave her broken. Mess is what she is, in her looks or in her emotions. The full-length mirror she continued to stare showed how puffy her eyes were, how red her cute pert nose is from incessant cry and lack of sleep. Though her eyes are still clouded by sad beads of moisture, she could see clearly the face of someone she will miss. Physically, it was an uncanny resemblance. Same build as she, if only she could stomach the food served to her and gain back the weight she’d lost. Same shade of hair color, face contour. Her twin. Even now, she’s paralyzed with inability to accept that she and her family had lost her. She doesn’t want to come home because her existence is a constant reminder that there’s two of her, herself and another one that will never come back. She lived but she died. She was alive but she was not. They’ll walk forever on the thin line between relieved and scarred. Birthdays would then be a celebration but with a sense of loss. She had her twins face but behind the pitied look thrown at her, she knew that her identity dimmed and only be remembered as the face who had lost the chance of living like her. The curse, as she put it, of the twin thing comes in double from the torment hurt to going numb. Even her feelings slowly fading, she had been sucked dry of stregnth. As physical exhaustion triumph over her body, she melted on the floor. She spent time horizontal and motionless, sob bubbled in her throat as pain continue to have its way and completely devour her. She shut her eyes, surrendered her sanity slowly fleeing towards oblivion.
58
That thing called “Status Quo” Arkus Esmeraud
*The school bell rang* Here he comes. Even from afar and with the stretched distance, I can feel his warm presence little by little approaching. I need to fix myself. Is my hair done well? Or is my face covered with oil? (Looking into the reflection from the pocket mirror) Omg! My lips are so pale, I need to retouch. (Applies that berry pink lipstick bought last week). Hurrying students on that almost-class remaining minutes are rushing their ways to their rooms to settle themselves on their seats. In the middle of that big and busy crowd, shines a look of a robust image. Confidently wearing his brown fair skin and that pitch-black hair. Coming off finely in his semi-soiled uniform and shimmering black shoes, carrying his buddy laptop and organized documents. He opens his mouth and widely smiles forthcoming the doorstep of our classroom and oh! Unarmored, I was attacked by his killer smile (I was murdered and almost dead) and his eyes sparkle like a diamond freshly polished from the deepest mountains of India. I narrowed my eyes and stared at him. I nearly fainted. “Good evening, class!” “Good evening pud, sir.” Everyone responded in chorus to his welcome on a chilly and cozy night. His voice is like a furnace that keeps me warm on a freezing ambiance. “Hoy, classmate. Okay lang ka? Nga-nga lage kaayo ka? Naa na si sir uy.” “Aaaah. Ha-ha-ha! Oo uy. Akoa rang gi exercise nig nga-nga para sa recitation unya” *Sighs* There he is. My knight-and-shining-armor seated behind that brown twerp table on the platform. It seems like he
59 is ruling my world on that high rest and reaches out to bid my hand and gently asks for a saccharine dance on the beat of a sweet melody. For me, he is the perfect description of a gentleman. He always replies in a kind manner and tender tone of voice. Even if the four-cornered room feels heated and perplexed and is really irritating me and even crafting the doldrums, he is like a lamp that lights up a dismal jungle giving hope to those who have lost within it. My classmates would sometimes whine on his entries of jokes and call it “corney” or “waley” but I say, rock and roll to the world! Those jokes were the best jokes in town. I would laugh alone and with all thy heart widen my jaws just to affirm his gag tales. I don’t want to offend him coz he’s really funny and appealing. I must say chivalry is not dead. I don’t know with other men, but I know chivalry isn’t dead. It does still exist and he is an epitome of gallantry. He doesn’t have not that kind of charm with high sex appeals or with a gutsy or daring nerve like the men we see on TVs and internet. He’s just simple, courteous, brainy and a positive kind of guy making him more disarming and admirable. Every time. Every time we meet on the campus’ corridors, it’s as if we’re really meant to be. It seems like God designed this Earth and purposely created that billions of population to distract us but still cautiously prepared the blueprint to cross the paths of this man and woman (that’s me and him) and let them live merrily until infinity (they say forever doesn’t exist, so I’ll use infinity). We really do not have that huge age gap, like it’s just 2 years, so, I guess that would not matter much. Love doesn’t know any boundaries, so it also means it doesn’t look at our physical form, even your beliefs, principles and other matters that will destroy our destiny. Yes, you deciphered the message. I am in love with him. (Did I make it too obvious?) I am in love with him. He inspires me a lot. And mostly, he is the focus of my dreams. It’s like every night, he is the leading man and I am the needto-be-rescued leading lady. There are some scenes like we are together on a trip to France. Or I was just sitting around a tranquil park and suddenly he tapped my eyes from my back and kissed me on the forehead. Sometimes, he buys me my favorite cake and feed me and this is the most common scenario, we live on the same house and raise our three cheerful and healthy kids. People say that dreams are the exact opposite of reality. But research says our mind is at its most active state
60 while sleeping, meaning I am not in fantasy mode. I strongly debunk all of those theories! I can say that I’m moderate. I mean, I can handle these emotions I have. Love is not just a mere feeling but it is a verb that should be done and put an effort to. And I am putting too much effort and mind-setting to control this four letter word in me especially when I am at school. Every so often, I make up stories to discourage myself from him or I tell myself the contrast of how I feel towards him. I sometimes succeed. Like, I can forget him for 5 to 8 hours straight in a day (that’s actually a milestone) and other times, I perform my tasks and roundabouts without a segue way of his image inside my brain. And hey, just for a fact. I am no ordinary stude. I am active, participative in school activities and I keep my grades high and above passing rate. It’s going to explode. Like a grenade, I don’t want my casualties to rise and obliterate especially to him. I am more concerned about him. It is never my intention to destroy the career he built and invested. By no means can I imagine losing his job. I know I am not the only one daydreaming about him. There are more other girls vulgarly stalking and clinging. That’s why I am trying to call off my colorum membership from his fanatic clubs (I am actually not a member of one because I am an independent party, haha). Certainly, there is that one reason why there’s hesitation on how I will express this unbounded love for him. We met in this place called school. Our love story revolves in here. He is a professor. I am a college student. That’s the status quo. It’s hard. I can feel that we’re mutual. He too has feelings for me. I can really sense it in his eyes and ways. And he, too, is controlling and hiding it. So we decided to build a ship called friendship (I think relationships are stronger when founded by friendship). We do not hang out but we indubitably acknowledge our presence every time we bump into each other’s arms. We share our hi’s and hello’s, little chit-chats and witty jokes. Maybe that way is more acceptable in our current setting. Possibly, after I will wear that toga and receive my diploma on my graduation day and bid goodbye to student life, I won’t crash any school rules between student and teacher affairs. Perhaps on an another time and place, it will still be I and him travelling, strolling in the park, kissing and feeding each other, laughing together, establishing our family with our three kids and fulfilling that blueprint the heavens prepared for us. With high hopes, I’d still long and choose you, sir. //
61
I am Mehar: This is my Immedicable Woes Edu Garcia Macabatas
Our world where we dwell is full of complications. With its obfuscated nature, judgments befell. No matter how we put judgments into its actual texture there are already blot of its remains. Yes, we all grappled this in different ways. We vary from scenario, situations and events. With this infinite judgments it left anguish and affliction. I am not a so learned person. I wasn’t able to finish my elementary schooling. I was raised by a simple family. I lived in public place where I started my bitter sweet endeavor. I am gay. When I was a kid, I loved to dance and admired those elders the same with my gender perspective who put makeups in their faces and wore high heels and women-intended dresses. I felt them and I want to be like them someday. I am Mehar- from desires until I became what I desired to. When I was young, I took all the negative impressions from my father, my neighbors and even my classmates. My father used to punish me whenever I assumed to act like a woman. He used to throw vulgar words that made me so degraded and disrespected. I took all the household chores. Whatever my father desired, I gave it to him. Of course, I respect my father. My mother can’t do anything because she was also governed by my father’s barbaric personality. I understand her because she always consoled me whenever I went under a mango tree near our house with teary eyes. I dreamed of escaping from our house but I am thinking of my mother and of my little sisters. I wanted to because I want my father to realize my worth and my contributions as a son. One night, I pursued escaping from our house and left letter on my mother’s cabinet, written “I’ll be back and I’ll prove to Papa what I can do”. I went to my friend’s house. I stayed there for ten years. With that span of time, I withstood
62 all the judgments of the people to me. I heard some saying, you’re a sin. You don’t need to be respected because you are a virus in the society. You don’t have space in the world. You are just adding the garbage of this place. I took all those. I just ignored them and continue creating my dream. With all those criticisms, I made it as a challenge for me to fight against all odds. I never stopped yet I strived for more. I achieved a woman-like physique with that I gained confidence to join beauty pageants however it made no glory to me, still judgment continued. Booo. Booooo. Get away from the stage you are not beautiful. You can’t compete with other one. Once, I heard this. Yes, I walked out. In one way, I was humiliated and embarrassed. Still, I stood firmly. I never fought verbally thus I fought not to answer their insensitive words. I went back to my friend’s house and there I cry. I took inspiration to my family especially to my mother and sisters. I stood again. I reawakened my soul and continued my life. One big opportunity came along my way. My friend invited me to accompany him in place where we can find future. In Salon. There, I was hired as an assistant. I earned 150 pesos a day. It’s all worth it. When time passed by, I was promoted as an official hairdresser and earned bigger salary which I can already buy all the things I want. I sent money to my mother and sustain their everyday needs. Yes, there were already financial stability but the judgments of the surrounding are still existing. The same words I heard. I put them away from my space but it followed me wherever I go. I can’t sneak from them. I never forget my promise to my mother, I went back home with strong conviction but acting demurely to avoid the thing I feared most. With very long span of time, I did miss my mother and my sisters. I cried when I arrived because everything had changed. With those changes occurred to them, I was not around to look after them. I knew it was not my intention. It was a call of reality where I need to depart my place. I thought my father will be fine but I was misled with my thoughts. He acted the same as before. He even told me why I went back. With all those years you were not around, we thought you were no longer existing. It’s as if a sharp knife has buried into my being. However, I never fought. I hugged and kissed my mom and my sisters and went back with teary eyes and walked away. I don’t know when this would end. I don’t have an idea when my father will accept my entirety. I am praying and hoping that one day everything will change positively. I want to have a discriminated-free environment. I want to endure the
63 happiness that I once looking for. I want to be accepted with the people surrounding me. I want them to consent me for who I am. I want them to acknowledge my worth not just a member of the social arena but also as a human. I opted to become like this because this is where I can find peace and tranquil. This is where I am happy. This is where I can express my true desires and aspirations. One thing I need is the full acceptance of the reality to all of us. I know there are many who suffered the same as I have. I want to become a voice for everyone who have the same experience as I have also. We need only a lifetime respect. Again, I am Mehar and this is my immedicable woes. Let there be peace in me. I am only human. I need your respect.
64
Totally in love with FECES Knight08
I found it very disturbing and at the same time very disgusting, every time I lay my ears down to the concrete round table inside the campus, I hear screams bound from the story of a highly alarming account of a board mate that more or less slowly descends into insanity. This eventually reaches a point where that board mate who delivers the story gets trapped by the mysterious and peculiar insect in a low velocity up the cloudy tree so far from earth, dropping off to one’s face resulting to a tragic damage as a whole. One time, assuming that the reclusive story teller slash awesome liar Bob Perk2– whom no one ever believed in, with his sessions of great fraudulent accounts, lately contains all the pooping scenario of his life, and now he has shifted to a new style of delivering his lies, but still he has continued retelling the momentous experience of his poops, entirely the negation of geniusity (if this word can be applied) but so much positive to weirdness. I don’t get the point why his friends keep on laughing with his immature jokes– is it me or everyone’s addicted to him? Oh no! Emerging from his pronouncements Bob Perk2’s crowd keeps in awe, yes he speaks well and he does have a crowd, he’s not an icon, maybe in fine stature to be crushed on. I don’t have a crush on him; no he’s not my type. I don’t even look at his so dirty and ragged image. I’m holding cross fingers at this moment, I can’t have a crush on him; instead I can crush his face with my tech pen (so harsh). A noise behind me made me turn sharply away from the table I wanted to reach, the place of rock n’ roll for everybody because of its natural peaceful scene, the round concrete table again. I once again smelt this filthy cockroach-like man eager to create mess with me, he always blocks my way, and he always nudges me to keep quiet while I’m on the gap giggling normally. When the bell rings at 4:30 I have to be in hurry back to my boarding house so that I may not crumple seeing the messy Bob Perk2 on my way heading north, I really hate him, how he goes with his stories about poops keeps me want to put a fine wrath on his face, I’m becoming so brutal whenever I see or feel his aura. I can’t stay too long in my room, for
65 I can hear my other board mates scream because of the gross story of poops. I was never entertained with such kind of humours, I’m a serious type of gal, literally I know no joke, but I know what fun means, for a college student like us, fun time with friends keep us alive and energizes us even with the surmounting problems ahead us. I got so devilish that I wasn’t able to recognize the real score behind messy Bob Perk2’s story about poops; he’s not in love with poops literally or unimaginably, he keeps the statement of “I want to poop”, “I gotta go, I have to poop”, “It’s too cold my poop’s gonna come out any second”, “I can’t take this anymore, my poops coming out”, “Anyone please help me, I’m running out with poops in my hand”, “I’m gonna horrify you with this pooped full hands”, “My poops are so cool guys”, “I love my poops”, “Someday, I wanna be a poop”. Who can’t get annoyed or disturbed with this so much pooping statements, it’s so gross. But, alas I couldn’t be too judgmental about his pooping words; I have to proceed investigating, no! I did not peeve while he’s pooping. What I did was, I lay my ear through my board mate’s thin door, and then I’ve heard it all. I should have not judged him directly; I should have analyzed his point of becoming so in love with feces. After conducting my investigation, I found out that poop for him has an equivalent meaning, it was a sad moment of his life he keeps of recounting, it was sad but was so important for him, his dog died in an outback adventure, what so significant with poop for him was that, he was the one who cleans the poop of his beloved buddy. Every time he says the magic word poop, it means he is sad. My resounding unsympathetic approach to him, until now, made me think of a new guild for my new best friend messy Bob Perk2, we’re building the finest guild in the entire universe! For everyone who loves their pet and loves to keep them forever, but it’s just for specific course, it is called the FECES-PL, Federation of Electronics and Communications Engineering Students-Pet Lovers.
66
THE MEET UP Jaycris dela Cruz
Cafe Mara’s carved wooden door groaned in welcome for another patron who sought solitude and peace in the middle of the bustling city over a drink and pastries on a chilly April afternoon. Regular introverts who wanted to mingle with their own imagination in a different setting without fully endangering their privacy packed the place. But my mere attendance is an odd piece in the sea full of recluse to intrude the isolation of one who has lived an hermit life yet was lured out of hiding. For a while, he’s unreal and was believed to be a clever creation of mind but his works and the profile I’ve come across says the opposite. My job weaved our destiny together. To some it’s bravery but a part of me deemed its suicide attempt to get a chance at what I considered now a personal quest. The bell above the door jingled but it wasn’t the notice that had me. I felt more than saw the presence. The mood, the air and the feeling all points to the man in flesh standing tall in the slightly ajar entry and very much breathing. I eyed his steps towards his table subtly while recovering from the unexplainable shiver that runs past my spine as i was comparing notes to the pictures of his I’ve studied several times and the built man. There were no premonitions to horrors of being with him in a single room. It was like a sacrificial lamb offered to the king. The weight of the thing in my side perfectly covered by my large jacket burned reminding me of the job. To capture the most wanted man who lived in mystery when his guard is down. Hence, the success of my mission would dip if I lost to my nerves and turn tail instead of putting a good offense/defence strategy. Seated two tables away from mine, his seldom heard voice that could raise hairs in deep rich tone floated above the usual clutter and chinks of glasses while ordering a treat for his tummy. As the waitstaff left, he was back again on his own thought perhaps lost in planning again a scheme, exploring the depths of hunger for happiness, pain and a whole lot
67 of emotions. Indeed, an equally alluring and frightening feat. With those thoughts in my mind, he suddenly raised his head and met my gaze head on. I, for the love of God, can’t move a muscle. It was an insane act but I did duel with those eyes that gleamed like a predator carefully watching its prey who was, unfortunately, me. My heart pounded like it never before as my lungs screamed for more air. I’m emotionally abused by these constant surprises. It’s too early for my cover to be blown even before I could make a move so I turned away to cover my mistake. I couldn’t take the chance of him taking the first flight home without accomplishing my task. The thing in my side anticipates to be put in good use and that I will. The reflection of the mirror spitting his image lets me studied him a bit more. My interest fell on those beautiful hands – tanned, lean, long fingered and wide palmed – while playing with the fork. Only few knew that he used it to raise animosity, chaos, love and harmony carefully breathe patience to plot thrill, suspense and sometimes a tragic end with a smile. He’d killed several times but never got his hands bloodied. His nose could sniff the next good stuff and ears that hears human drives. Clever and calculated is a trademark he was known for. I very much like to book an interview with him and interrogate at my heart’s content about how terrifyingly he committed all those. He made the impossible possible with his brilliance. Knowing now his routines, i exited first and planned to surprise him in the car park. Minutes past and we are ten feet apart. My heart is accompanied by loud drumming while looking slightly up to meet his eyes. Taller than my own five inches, most people, impressed or intimidated would withdrawn. But in my case, it’s now or never. With firmed resolve, i poked while his defences were down. I took the heavy burden on my side and aimed at him. I almost got the upperhand but then he smiled in that infamous smirk and that means i’m in trouble. Will i have the same fate as them? I prayed there’s a good thing in that. I could picture misery as his revenge for my untoward actions. Hell i was just asked to have an autographed signed book from him, next thing i know i’ll be tortured in his next novel because i ambushed him just to get one. Payback is cruel but the glimmer of the dried ink of his signature in my favourite book authored by him, i’ll live or say try dying.
68
Impossibility defied Marley D’ Corgi
This accounts her real encounter. The classroom was filled with indistinct chatters, a typical scenario on her evening session class while waiting for their last period professor. She was filled with delight and laughter which within few minutes turns out to be a disaster. Their professor arrived holding in his hands a compilation of this blue covered news prints, it was their final examination results. She scored four points higher than a half of the total points. Fluids start to gather on the edge of her eyelid. Amidst her hearts palpitation she computed for her grade. She felt it coming. She knew she wouldn’t make it. She uttered “what should I be doing? My grade won’t reach the borderline.” Though she could hear her friends say about remedies, though it was just her computation, both her mind and heart can’t be fooled. She’s on her last year for this degree program, her last semester at the same time. But it turns out that all of her previous efforts terminated instantly without the reward she longs. She was covered with fears about what is to happen next. She went home and burst everything into tears. Her family extended their console, but her tears are fountain. It turns out to be an early nightmare, her doomsday. She doesn’t know what to pray. She’s long been living with the verse in Jeremiah 29:11. But this time she can’t understand the intricate plan God prepared for her life. It was maybe because of what she foresees she could clasp for, will she be able to pursue the other ladder which she longs at first hand, what her life will be after that catastrophe. She attends mass, she lit candles, she prays every night, she prays every second when that thought crosses her mind. She prayed for another chance, she prayed that she could continue her life, she prayed and thank God for her family
69 and for everyone who prayed for her. She made an attempt and talked with her professor, a chance she knew that is real impossible. She wasn’t able to get what she wanted. When her classmate asked for possibilities, a response of “that is not possible” echoed inside their classroom. It was like arrow that hit the bull’s eye, her heart. On her seat, she cried with no sounds, she doesn’t want to bother the mob. Upon arriving home, she opened her New Testament Bible, her refuge, her escape from pain and just one flip it leads her to Mark 10:27. That was too ironic to what her professor said and her heart bounced back with relief, she asked for forgiveness. She knew God is with her. She’s the female doubting Thomas. She got drowned upon hearing others say that there will no longer be a remedy. But amidst that she got bunch of love ones who lifted her faith, her family ranks the first. She was not scolded, she was understood, and she was being displayed love. Her friends, they prayed for her, they make her laugh, they strengthen her faith. When only few days remained before the submission of grades arrived, she got to have a talk with a friend who shared the same sentiment but did not display the same turmoil. She asked “how can you be not worried?” after a long deliberation of her friend’s reason for being firm in faith, there is this one thing that marked and that her friend keeps on repeating “Jesus is the same, yesterday, today and forever” that the marvellous things that Thee made will be forever the same for His people. Again, she opened her Bible, but this time the jolt of sadness, worries are fading. With a single flip it leads her to Hebrews 10:27. The verse that states the passage her friend uttered in the afternoon at school. She knew then that God is really conversing with His people. She cried with regrets of her being so doubtful, of her lacking faith, she cried with joy. She knew that God won’t forsake her no matter what. In the next day, in the mass that she attended, she asked for forgiveness right then she accepted whatever the results may be. She is aware that God is all powerful and that even if others would insist negativity, impossibilities, with God’s command everything shall be made possible. She is also aware that God is the master planner of everything and
70 that if what she thinks is best for her may not be what the best God planned for her. She surrendered her control of her life whom she doesn’t know where heads. And on that same Eucharistic celebration the reading speaks of Jesus to be the same yesterday, today and forever. The verse that was uttered by her friend a day before, the verse that she had seen night after that day is the same verse she heard on the mass she attended. She is no longer scared, she accepted that even though things will gone out of her clasp, she got her Heavenly Father even though at times she tries to take control of her life, even though she lives carnally. At the end of the day her Father is near. Impossibility though beyond the commerce of men long as we have the Divine, it could be defied. She actually made it, the grade that she desired though way too impossible amidst her breaking all possible conservatisms. She reached the border. It was not her professor it was a pure Divine intervention. And she did graduate with her heart’s desire granted. Right now, she is taking another step to further achieve the desires that she knew by God’s grace will be conquered. #
71
Huwag kang matakot sa dilim BookishLovesBlue
Sa tuwing nahihirapan ako, nalulungkot ng sobra, at kapag hindi ko na kaya, luha lang ang makikita sa aking mata, tuluy-tuloy ang patak… walang puwang ang daloy hangga’t hindi namumugto. Araw-araw na lang humaharap ako sa problemang kinalakihan ko na. Walang araw na hindi ko namamasdan ang makulimllim na panahon na bumabalot sa aking pagkatao. Mahimbing ang aking tulog habang nilalasap ang malamig na klima sa kaumagahan. Lingid sa aking ginagawa ay abalang-abala ang pinakamamahal kong ama’t ina. Akala ko’y nagkakatuwaan lang sila na sadyang nagtataasan lang ng boses ngunit hindi pala. Iyon pala ang simula ng aking malumbay na mundo. Hindi ko namalayan ang kamuwangan ng isip ko kung saan ako kakapit. Saan ako lalapit at ipanatag ang loob ko sa taong mahal na mahal ko. Nagkamali ako. Nauwi lang pala ako sa kalituhan kung saan ako papanig. Isang ngiti na puno ng pagtatago ang laging pinapakita ko sa aking mga nakakasalamuha. Halakhak sa sadyang pilit lamang upang tuluyang pagtakpan ang nasasaloob ko. Hindi ko magawang ipagmalaki ang sarili ko. Ni mga kaibigan ako’y wala. Ni wala nga akong mapagsabihan ng mga problema ko na laging nakahalukipkip sa araw-araw kong pakikipaglaban. Sa mga sandali ng aking pagkatao, gustung-gusto ko na talagang sumuko at maglagi na lang sa higaan, nakalatay at huwag nang magpakita sa karamihan. Pabigat nang pabigat ang nagiging pasanin ko. Minsan nga ay gusto ko na ring mabaon sa ilalim ng lupa at boluntaryong pumunta sa tahanan ng mga anghel. Ngunit sa tingin ko ay hindi ako nababagay doon. Hindi nababagay ang isang kagaya ko na paliit nang paliit ang pag-asang magtagal sa mundong ibabaw. At ngayon, patuloy pa rin akong umiiyak at binabalikan ang araw na hindi pa nagsisimula ang dagok sa aking buhay.
72 Sa aking malalim na pag-iisip habang wala sa sariling naglalakbay sa maluwang na daanan, napako ang paningin ko sa isang gusali na ngayon ko lang muling napansin. May krus na nakasabit sa bubong na bahagi nito at ang mga tao ay labas-pasok sa pinto. Ang iba pa’y nagsisindi ng kandila at taimtim na nakayuko at parang may ibinubulong. At karamihan ay nakaluhod, nakatiklop ang mga kamay at tila may tinatanaw sa itaas. Sa aking pagninilay-nilay sa mga taong naroroon, doon ko na lang napansin na matagal na pala akong nakatayo at nakatutok sa mga mahiwagang kilos nila. Sa aking pag-oobserba sa kanila, lumapit sa akin ang isang manang na kalalabas lang sa gusaling iyon. Tinanong niya ako kung papasok ba raw ako sa loob. Sa pagkakataong iyon, hindi ko malaman ang isasagot ko. Naging tuod nang ilang sandali. Tinanong niya ako pangalawang pagkakataon. Ngayon iba na. Diretsa niyang sabi kung nakapasok na ba ako sa lugar na iyon at gaya rin ba ako ng mga tao na gumuguhit ng krus sa kanilang katawan. Sa pangalawang pagkakataon, hindi pa rin ako makasagot. Napabuntong-hininga ang manang at sinuyo niya akong pumasok sa loob. Hindi ko alam pero nagpatangay na lang ako sa kanyang pagpapasok sa akin. Sabi pa niya, gayahin ko rin daw kung anong gagawin niya. Walang dumidikta sa aking isip na gayahin siya pero kusa na ring gumalaw ang aking katawan. Tumingala ako gaya nang pagtingalang ginawa niya. Nang matingnan ko siya, natulala ako. Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Halo-halo ang aking nararamdaman. Wala akong binigkas kahit na isang letra sa aking bibig. Basta ko na lang iniwan si manang at walang pakundangang naglalakad patungo sa bahay. Nagkulong lang ako at hindi pa rin mapalagay sa biglaang pagbabago ng takbo ng aking utak. Hindi ko na napigilan ang mga nagbubugsong luha na nag-uunahan sa pagpatak. Pero kakaiba ang kahulugan ng pag-iyak ko ngayon. Hindi lungkot at hirap kung hindi pagsisisi at awa, mismo sa aking sarili. Para akong baliw na iiyak, tatawa at iiyak na naman. Kahit nga napakalabo nang paningin ko, pinilit ko paring tingnan ang aking repleksyon. Tanang buhay ko, puro problema, kalungkutan, mga bigat sa damdamin ang iniimbak ko sa aking isipan. Iyon lagi ang ipinapakita ko sa mga nakakakilala sa akin. Lingid sa aking ginagawa sa buhay, may napakalaking bagay na pala akong nakalimutan. Bagay na ‘pag hindi pala ginagawa ng tao dahilan upang tuluyan tayong bumagsak sa ating kinatatayuan. Nakalimutan ko Siyang alalahanin. Nakalimutan kong sundin ang mga bagay na naaayon s kanyang utos. Napakasarili ko pala nilalang at hindi ko na naisip ang pakikipag-usap sa Kanya dahil iniisip ko lang dati na mag-
73 isa na ako at walang karamay. ‘Yun pala ang isang pagkakamaling nagawa ko. Pinipilit ko lang palang lagyan ng pader ang Kanyang pagpasok sa aking masalimuot na mundo. At iyon ang aking hinaharangan. Puro kadiliman sa buhay ang aking iniinda kaya lagi akong takot. Nakaligtaan ko ang umasaa’t magtiwala sa Kanya kaya pakiramdam ko’y hindi na ako liligaya. Ang tangi ko lang dapat gawin ay humingi ng tawad at sabi ng manang na nasa gusaling iyon ay lliligaya raw akong tunay, makakalimutan ang kadiliman ng panahon at tuluyan akong babalik sa Kanyang kaharian. Doon ako’y muling napahagulhol.
74
Buhay sa Likod ng Lente cone_of_shame
“May mga karansan tayong minsan ay nag-iwan ng aral sa ating buhay. May mga karanasan tayong ayaw nating balikan dahil ito’y nagdulot ng sakit at pighati. Mayroon ding karanasan na dulot ng simpleng instrumento na naging daan upang tayo’y mamulat- ito’y isang panaginip.” Ako nga pala sa Trexie. Mapanghusga. Mayaman, Maramot. Kasalukuyan nga pala akong nag-aaral sa isang prestihiyosong Unibersidad sa aming lugar sa kursong Pamamahayag. Hindi ko talos kung paano ang maging isang mahirap. Alam kong huhusgahan niyo ako dahil sa aking katangian. Tanggap ko iyan ng buong-buo, ngunit, dahil sa aking naranasan… nagbago ang lahat. Naaaninag ko pa rin ang mga karanasan nang minsan ay aking tinungo ang isang lugar upang tapusin ang aking aralin. Tumambad sa aking mukha ang nakakapanlumong imahe ng mga paslit na namumulot ng mga tirang pagkain mula sa basurahan, nagtatampisaw sa tubig-ulan, punit na mga kasuotan at nagkakatuwaan. Nandiri ako ngunit wala akong magawa dahil kaakibat nito ang pagpasa ko sa aking kurso. Isang larawan ng kahirapan ang aking nasaksihan. Mga buhay na pinagkaitan ng rangya. Isang payak na katotohanan. Habang kinukunan ko ng dokumento ang mga paligid ay nakuha ang aking atensyon ng isang bata na nakaupo sa gilid at tila tulala at lutang sa hangin ang kanyang diwa. Binaba ko ang aking lente at siya’y tinungo. Kinakabahan ako dahil alam kong hindi ako marunong makitungo sa katulad niya. Kahit ramdam ko ang agam-agam, akin itong nilabanan. Hangga’t natapos ko ang aking tungkulin at kinapa ang aking mga kagamitan at tuluyang iniwan ang lugar Nang binabagtas ko ang makipot at maputik na daan palabas ay naiwan parin ang kanilang mga bakas. Hanggang sa narating ko ang aming kanlungan. Baon-baon ko parin ang mga alaala dulot ng aking mga nadatnan. Maging sa
75 paglisan ng aking ulirat ay sariwa pa rin sa aking isipan hangga’t ako’y dinala sa makapampukaw sa realidad na panaginip. “Ate, pahingi ho ng pagkain. Kumakalam po ang aking sikmura. Gutom na gutom na ho ako. Kahit isang piso lang po ate makabili lang po ng isang tinapay. Sige na ho ate nagmamakaawa ako. Wala ho akong mga magulang. Nag-iisa lang po akong palaboy-laboy dito sa lansangan. Wala ho akong permanenteng tirahan”, wika ng paslit. “Huh? Anong hingi-hingi ang sinasabi mo? May mga magulang ka diba? Doon ka sa kanila manghingi. Palibhasa kayong mga mahihirap. puro hingi. Yan lang ang paligi niyong ginagawa. Pareho tayong tao. Magtrabaho ka. Ang bahobaho mo nga oh. Che,, nakaka-bad trip ka. Alis!”, padabog kong sabi. Nawala bigla ang katawan ng bata sa aking panaginip. At ako’y muling dinala sa ibang tagpuan. “Ale, ale. Pahingi po ng pera ibibili ko lang po ng pagkain. Nahihilo na po ako sa gutom. Wala ho ako ni isang kusing. Maawa ka po ale. Sige na po, Ale!!”, pagpupumilit kong sinabi. “Ganyan na ba talaga kayong mga mahihirap? Hingi nang hingi? Maawa naman kayo sa ating bansa. Lalo tayong naghihirap dahil sa katamaran niyo. Ang gusto niyo sa isang iglap lang andyan na agad. Magtrabaho ka nga. Tabi sa dinadaanan ko. Huwag harang nang harang”, sambit ng Ale. Tila pinukaw ako ng aking panaginip. Napabuntong-hininga ako sabay sulyap sa paligid ng aking silid. Tila inanod ako ng aking luha sa aking napanaginipan. Bumaba ako sa kama at tinungo ko ang pinto at isinara. Dahan-dahan kong binuksan ang telebisyon ngunit hindi pa rin mawala sa aking isipan ang lahat. Pinuntahan ko na lamang ang gilid ng aking silid at nagmunimuni. Oo, lumaki ako sa marangyang pamumuhay. Hindi ako sanay na maghirap. Hindi ko kilala kung paano at ano ang maging mahirap. Pero bakit parang nilalamon ako ng konsensya? Oo, naging maramot ako. Naging gahaman sa lahat ng bagay. Lahat ng naisin ko ay naibibigay sa akin ng aking mga magulang. Lahat ng aking luho ay hindi naipagwawalangbahala. Ganito na ba ang tingin niyo sa akin? Mapanghusaga? Oo, minsan ako’y naging mnapanghusga. Ngunit, alam niyo ba na dahil sa aking panaginip ay aking napagtanto ang totoong salamin ng katotohanan at reyalidad? Wika ko sa aking sarili….. Sa mundong ibabaw, hindi lahat ng tao ay nabibiyayaan ng hiwaga at banaag ng kapalaran. Hindi lahat nabibigyan
76 ng pagkakataon na ramdamin ang halimuyak ng kaginhawaan. Iba-iba ang estado ng buhay ng tao. Iba-iba rin ang pinagmulan at lipunang kanalakihan. Marahil sanay ang iba sa marangyang pamumuhay. Sanay kumain sa kumikinang na mga kubiyertos. Ilan lamang iyan sa mga temporaryong dekorasyon ng buhay. Hindi natin talos kung kailan ito mawawalan ng kulay. Dapat nating gamitin ng maayos ang kung anong mayroon sa atin. Matoto tayong makibahagi sa ating kapwa. Tulad ko, namulat lamang sa simpleng panaginip. Na maari isang araw ako ang makakaramdam ng buhay na kailanma’y hindi ko namulatan. Oo, ako’y nagsisisi. Ramdam ko ang puot sa aking kaibuturan. Kaya nama’y laking pasasalamat ko sa aking kurso. Lalo na sa aking lente. Na siyang nagbigay dahas upang maipadama sa akin ang tunay na takbo ng buhay.
77
Dough of Secret Ingredient Hanoi PHanie
Morning light rose in brightness as Artocopus, an old baker from the town of Marseille who spent all his life in baking, widely opened his store in fresh start for its work of making delicious, mouthwatering breads for the townsfolk. Every day was a blast of people rushing for his tasteful, appetizing creation that even youngsters and busy people pass by and grab a breathtaking minute-snack. Beside Artocopus’ window-store is Chien, his dog whom he treated as his only partner, welcomes his customers day by day to arrive at the stall. . No wonder that a bash of tummies were filled by his flavorful bread. It was as if a magical element has been embedded on its dough and a pack of enchantment was implanted on its tenders that even a piece of bite on it brings you to another place. No person or even Chien knew what his secret ingredient was, and that was a mystery everyone was amazed. “Sir Artocopus, what was your secret ingredient?”, uttered by a young townsfolk in curiosity. “Just two, my dear. You’ll know very soon.”, the old man replied. It has been years that Artocopus was known as a popular bread-maker in the city that no one could ever steal away the secret magic he has. His fame for bread-making spread all over the places where lots of people entangled themselves by the taste of it. But as famous as this old man was, he never raised himself in arrogance but stayed simple and down to earth. Feeding the poor children who knocks at his doors and asks for alms was his busy work aside from baking. Oftentimes deceived by these people, Artocopus never had second thoughts in giving, no buts at all. Helpless dogs and cats were even the beneficiaries of his goodness. He has just always been a gentle old man and too kind to everyone he knows.
78 One sunny afternoon came when a baker from the other side of town established a branch beside his. Milan, a popular and metropolitan French baker born with self-boast and clothed in domineering attitude, ran into a competition with the old man of Merseille who never get tired and busy from feeding street dogs and children. Milan saw and “wowed” in himself the people who queued so desperately for Atrocopus’ bakery. But never in doubt, in overconfidence, claimed that he has the best frozen puff pastry in the world for being a metropolitan baker in France and a popular pastry-maker ever lived! Seeing his stall being overpopulated was not just mind’s eye but radical thoughts, a non-fantasy imagination. “Atrocopus? Beating him was of no sweat, of course!” It was perfectly true. Pride was at his neck and arrogance was his robe. People were all amazed at Milan’s opening of bakeshop, knowing that he is the most popular baker ever lived in France. Artocopus missed more than a Half of his customers who turned out to be new clients of Milan. But the old man, remained calm and never jealous, happy in dough and busy feeding street cats and dogs. Once upon a drastic day, time moved so fast and Milan’s clients were almost gone. “Where did my clients go?”, he screamed in fear of loss and saw those customers back in line at the old man’s bakeshop. “It can’t be that this rusted, old man exceeds my excellence by his thwarted, outdated baking. How can an old man shut my world-class skill? I’m not done with his obsolescence. He will see me in fame!”, shackled in grief and exasperation. Milan in jealousy found an idea of how can he break the innocent foe’s’ record and crown. Desperate of finding out Artocopus’ secret ingredient, thoughts of malevolence were his first options. No wonder, in the middle of the night, while Artocopus and Chien were asleep, Milan sparked the match and put it inside Artocopus’ oven which was placed near the bakeshop’s window, and ran. Fire was consuming the whole bakeshop and broke the dawn with sorrowful alarm. The old man Artocopus and his dog, Chien, diligently wake themselves up to cry out for help. People in the Townsville were all screaming in fear
79 and tremble for the tragedy, helped the two helpless ones inside. Survived from the test of fire, the people in Townsville comforted the cry of the poor Artocopus. It was a very heartbreaking moment for his loss of loved ones: his oven, his dough, his yeasts and all others to which he has spent all his years and grey hairs for them. The kind in heart Artocopus lost everything in baking, and he has nothing left but one: His secret ingredient. It was not burnt, nor blistered. And that was the only thing Milan never realized. It was intangible, invisible, and imperceptible. The harvest time came for the old Artocopus and his partner, Chien, who never gave up in the wonder of kindness in heart to receive what was due for them. The king of France invited him for a bread-making test that stricken the heart of the Excellency, like how his neighbors in Townsville breathtakingly experienced its magical bite. The old man who was once busy feeding street cats and dogs now became a Master Baker in the king’s palace and hailed more than what a “French metropolitan baker” is! “Your bakeshop was burnt before, Artocopus, and your secret ingredients were all gone. How did your baking turn as excellent as this now?”, the king asked. “Oh, my secret ingredients were fire-proofed.”, the old man replied humorously. “Then what are they?”, the king asked. “They were just two: One is a driver of my passion and the other thrive me to do something better than before. Call the first “Love” and second, “Humility’, add them both and you will find success in everything you do.”
Buklatin ang pahina Ng mga rumaragasang emosyon Ng mga panaghoy ng kahapon At kadakilaan ng ngayon Iwaksi ang kurtina ng kamangmangan Tumuntong sa entablado ng kaganapan Mamulat, sumulat, umumpisa Ng kaluwalhatiang dala ng retorika Tumayo, tumuklas, suyurin ang dagat ng isipan At lasapin ang hampas ng alon ng karunungan
Sanaysay
82
His Image, My Likeness Jherine Nikki Hazel Dalaygon
Most people expect that twins are inseparable as though they were joined at the hip with the strongest brand of adhesive. This, understandably, is in view of the undeniable fact that they’ve spent the first nine months of their lives inside one womb. These wondrous pair evidently possessed the same blood and flesh and genetic make-up whether plainly shown as in the case of identical twins or subtly displayed as for paternal twins. Nevertheless, the mere idea of twins has been subject to more amazement than it let on. While some would think having a twin is ideally amazing and most would curiously wonder what would it feel like to have such, there are some indubitable drawbacks when it comes to some small circumstances of our mundane yet complicated life. These are downsides and upsides that you must know before you foolishly think that having a twin is awesome. Just take it from someone with a firsthand experience of what having a twin feels like. I and my twin brother are paternal twins. People have a hard time believing we were twins seeing that we are as different as black and white. They had a hard time wrapping it in their mind that two diverse people could be siblings, let alone twins. I, myself, sometimes wonder if we’re really twins because no matter how hard I tried to find even a single trace of us being siblings, none can be seen in our physicality. As in, nil, nada, zero. Most often when we are together, people thought he’s my boyfriend (like duh). We are two different species. Contrary to what people would believe about us being close just because we’re twins, we are as unlike as the north and south poles. More often than not, our ideas clashed like Zeus’ lightning bolts and our house would be filled with our thunderous voices as we tried to outdo one another in the game of who has the best
83 idea. We quarreled so much that my grandmother would find it amazing if we miraculously got along about something. Without us knowing it, we centered our lives in the game of who is better, always outsmarting one another, a game where we fight to be the center of attention of our mother. And the scene begins. We fight about the most microscopic things like who would hold the TV remote control, who takes the couch during movie marathons, or who washes the dishes. We hated the idea of sharing what each of us has. And as time goes by, one could almost see how much we hated one another. The older we get, the more we drifted from one another like tectonic plates that drifted apart with each shake of the earth. We grew closer to our individual friends and bonded with them more than we should have had towards one another. I think it goes with the gender difference. We have different interest about life and how we lived it. He was on to discovering the knick and knacks of the world while I bury myself in the comfort of books. He never cared about the low grades he got so long as he doesn’t fail while I struggled to keep the numbers in my report card going up and never down. Sometimes I resent him because I am damn jealous. I envy how he viewed the world and lived within it so easily while I strive to be on the ground and always afraid of falling down in just a single mistake. I hate him because he was the one to call dibs on life while I was like a puppet in a puppeteer’s lame show. I was the one who always does the right thing, always the good child, always the more mature kid, and always the one to sacrifice things while he goes happy-go-lucky-ing on life. I know it wasn’t his entire fault. I decided it. Maybe knowing that I was the first one out of our mother’s womb that September night gives me the kind of responsibility over the two of us. I somehow felt the need to compensate for all the wrong things he has done. Like I have to make an effort to at least diminish the effects of every wrong decision he made. I am not saying I am the perfect, smart twin while he is the wicked and dumb one. Au contraire, he is a smart kid. I would always hear my grandmother saying he was the first to know the alphabet and how to count when we were barely two years old, and I, at that very young age, was just bent on eating not really caring about that ABCs or 123s thingy. I know he held the same resentment against me. I saw it in his eyes every time we are compared, every time people rubbed it in his face that I have achieved more than he has. I saw pain and hatred etched in his eyes every time I get
84 the praises while he gained the scolding. But all my achievements were in the field of academics. And he was the athletic one while I was the wimpy kid. He was table tennis player, at without bias; he was good at what he does. I remembered him joining the team back in elementary and they were hailed as the best at school and regarded like the star of the table tennis team. He somehow knows how the real world moves while I memorized the formulas and tried to find the value of the damned X. He learned a whole lot more than I did in terms of living in the existent world, all because I have focused and limited my life around the sanctuary of school life while he explores around the bushes I tried so hard to avoid. We are jealous of one another. I, because he gets what he wants without trying so hard and he, because I get the spotlight I never wanted. We grew apart because we failed to see that we ought to have made an alliance between ourselves knowing we only have each other in the end. Our minds clashed because we are not as open-minded as we ought to be about each other’s interest. As I looked back now, we were not as diverse as we are today. There are times when we were little kids that I thought our bodies were somehow connected. This is in light of the fact that when he gets sick, I somehow felt a little, just a little, sick too. And when our grandparents scold him for being the naughty child he was, I cried as hard as he cried like I was spanked with the belt they used to discipline him. Terrifyingly, I thought what happens to him would happen to me. Like a little kid that I was, full of fantasy and unlimited imagination, I thought that my life was linked to him. In a way, it was. My life was really connected to him. Back through the genesis of it all, when we were inside that one womb that shaped us together, our lives were already as one. We just tried to pry away from that ever-present bond that linked us because we wanted to live our lives away from the shadow of one another. We wanted to be independently dependent with one another. Thinking about it now that we are miles apart from one another for the next few months for the first time in our lives, we, as twins are not the only who felt this way. I believe every one of us, except for those born as only child out there, have felt a sibling rivalry where jealousy blurs the supposed to be love you felt for one another. Humans, though hailed as the most intelligent animals in the world, are not perfect and so are the relationships we made. And the relationship I had with my brother is not perfect. It got flaws and faults like all the relationship you see
85 at the slight turn of your head. Just because we’re twins doesn’t mean we are exempted to the normal phenomena siblings experienced. Yes, we are way different from the normal siblings with older and younger brothers and sisters, but we are people like you, with emotions and feelings that are fairly universal to all humans that has proper working amygdales. Maybe we just forget to say the best words that should be uttered towards one another. Now that I think of it, in the entire history of our 18 years of existence in this mundane world, we have never, for once uttered the words ‘I love you’ towards one another. We failed as siblings most often do in expressing our feelings and dissecting our inner thoughts for one another to see and understand how we grew apart. Maybe it wasn’t too late. So I must say this, “Ohiboke1, brother”. And I must encourage those who have undergone the same convoluted relationship I had with my brother. It might just take three little words in English, with eight letters to change that thorny relationship into a better one. 1 Ohiboke: Arabic, ‘I love you’.
86
Silhouettes DeJaLu
We are living behind the silhouettes, living under the shadows of something we assume as magazine-type figures and fancy gears. But beneath every individual’s superficial is a melting heart, consumed by hatred and devoured by insecurity. “He’s fat, he has extra large clothes and a plate of rice doesn’t suffice him. Please don’t make him run, the floor would be destroyed” As Mr. Fat walks down the cafeteria, Ms Skinny Jean told him these phrases. She was pleased; she said it was for good. Mr. Fat suddenly sat down, he was hurt, it cuts deep, and it leaved him a scar that burst out his inner darkness, so he decided to get out the room instead of getting a food for his starving stomach. He went home walking five kilometers instead of getting a ride which he will pay double for his physique. He arrives at home and suddenly collapsed. “She’s not beautiful; she will never have a boyfriend” Ms. Not Beautiful stared at the mirror.
She touched her face and asked herself how to become gorgeous like Ms. Vanity. She bought an expensive makeup; her mom suddenly asked her, “Are you attending a party tonight?” She answered back, “No mom, I just want to be beautiful for a while” “He’s dumb, how could he be able to graduate? Please get somebody to teach him!” Mr. Intelligent told him these words. Mr. Dumb left unspoken. He did nothing but listen to Mr. Intelligence’s hurtful words. The class started to began; Mr. Dumb was called out for a recitation. Madam Professor asked him questions. He doesn’t know the right words to say except “I don’t know”. He was humiliated. At the end of that day he was found at his room, just silent … with a tight rope gripping his neck. Words cut deep within. It may leave stubborn scars that could eventually transform into nasty and cryptic forms. These transformations spread into the atmosphere and could be a new kind of disease that would creep the humankind’s mentality, put to practice and would multiply again through its descendants. As the generation continues to live under the masquerade of perfectionism, we should become braver and bolder because acceptance is a difficult and complex idea for idiots to understand.
87
Sweat Under the Rain BookishLovesBlue
The weather here outside is getting colder. And as I feel the raindrops’ gentle touch upon my skin, sudden shivers cover my body. I know after a minute now I’ll be standing already under the non-stop rain, I will definitely catch a cold and fever and that would make my immune system weaker. So I decided to hop on a tricycle immediately going to the terminal. The wind is no longer temperate and I want to go home. As I was still half on my destination, heavy rains are now pouring, where the vehicles are lying on the road and different people are busy finishing their works. I was also busy observing the surrounding and there’s someone that really caught my attention and what he was currently doing really touched my heart. There is this sympathy that has automatically aroused from nowhere, affecting me… I feel pity for him. The driver parked the tricycle aside and let that person finish what he was doing. How can such a young kid dared to go over the cold rain, while other youngsters, even myself, are keeping dry and warm? Guess what he is doing under the rain? He is only wiping the windshield of every vehicle that will pass by. Through waving a rug, he signals every driver that he is going to render the impossible service. With that little instant work, he is given a payment of I guess, a minimum of P5. After he had reached for the money, I was back to my senses. The tricycle continue moving its way and we already left the young lad behind. Still under the cold hard rain continuing his business. Just a small distance from that kid, I was surprised of seeing that he’s not the only one doing the same job. I was seeing 5 more kids whose bodies are soaking wet, unaware of what lies ahead under the rain. But what I am seeing in their innocent eyes and actions is the enjoyment of a normal child having both the time of playing and the sense of working. I
88 then assumed that these children belong to probably big and poor families. I can see it on the way they dress, for some don’t even have slippers on, just barefoot alone. Even you, yourself, can picture out what they do look like now. My observation continues and I suddenly look at myself. How formal is the kind of dress I am wearing right now but they, they wore torn clothes, a single step advance to nothing, just to protect themselves to the weather but still are poorly wet. I worry their situation for anytime there might come unexpected risks and these will be really unfortunate toward them. By that instant business, there is less chance of earning enough money and great chance of being harmed. I don’t know if it’s for themselves by tomorrow’s school or to the whole family’s expenditures. More often, the money they will earn will definitely go to food. Not to the material thing because this time around I know the feeling of having an everyday budgeted money that I can’t even find the reason of spending it to material things that are less important. Comparing them to my little brother, if he will go under the showers of rain nah! I would scold him hard and even beat him (if it’s needed) if he’s really getting into my nerves. I’m caring for my brother’s health and I will never let him go over the rain ‘coz I know he will just do nothing but to play and play… however as I remembered those little windshield-wiper boys, it seems that they know what the rain might cause them yet so willing to take the risk. Now that I’m finally home, my hand automatically searched for a pen and I grab my big notebook where I write all my breathings. I am now writing the kind of experience just by observing while riding on the tricycle. I don’t really know but my heart was moved and I’m fretful thinking how many poor kids would have to suffer like this, just to continue their studies and living? Nevertheless, even in your own self, you can ask, do their families know what they are striving under the rain? And that answer will remain unanswered if we will let this go by and the curiosity will fade. The realization in my mind is now clear. My question is already answered. They have been doing that for the purpose of helping out their own family so that they could have something to get nourish with. I guess, they were not forced to do such rather it’s their own willingness and voluntarism. By their early age, maturity has already excelled in order to strive against the reality of life which is not that easy… even for those who have huge money at hand (It even doesn’t depend on that case though). But having faith of seeing life as a beautiful and genuine creation from up above, by Him alone and continue asking and praying intently for more blessings to come, that would even make sense. I have gone through that stage that I got no options but to spend my 9 years with my uncle’s family, so as to continue my studies and live well. However I know that being happy about what you have and doing right now and extending love to your family and others would even make greater sense.
Pasasalamat
Ang aming organisasyon ay lubos na nagpapasalamat sa mga nag-ambag ng kanilang tulong at pag-unawa upang matapos ang aming papel. Nagpapasalamat kami sa mga estudyanteng nagbibigay ng kanilang bente-singko, kung wala kayo, wala rin ang Collegium. Sa aming mga propesor na pilit umiintindi sa amin sa tuwing kami ay mahuhuli sa klase, salamat din sa gradong kanilang ibinigay kahit nasa gilid na ito ng pagkabagsak. Nagpapasalamat din kami sa aming mga kaibigan na palagian ang pagbisita sa aming opisina, kaya’t palagian din ang kanilang komento na kahit nakakasakit ay ok lang. Sa daga na si Jerry, na ngumangatngat ng aming mga gamit, kung wala siya hindi namin maiisip ang maglinis. Sa liga din ng mga SJAS, pagkat walang tigil sila kung maghakot ng tubig na produkto ng aming aircon, kung wala kayo tiyak lalangoy na ang mga estudyante sa PE Room. Muli, pinasasalamatan namin ang mga estudyante pagkat oras-oras din sila kung magtapon ng basura sa aming balde na dapat ay tagasalo lamang ng produkto ng aming aircon. Sa security guards na minsan ay nagugulat na lamang na meron pa palang estudyante sa loob ng paaralan, kung hindi niyo pinapatay ang ilaw ng gym hindi rin siguro namin maiisip na dis-oras na pala ng gabi. Hindi rin masukat ang aming galak sa mga bumuo ng Korean drama na Blood, sapagkat ito ang naging dahilan paminsan-minsan kung bakit lagi kaming umuuwi ng 10:30 ng gabi. Muli, salamat sa mga guards at hindi nila nilo-lock ang gym. Nagpapasalamat din kami sa aming butihing adviser na hindi magkumayaw sa pagbigay sa amin ng suporta. Mabuhay ka sir! Hindi rin namin malilimutan ang magbigay ng papuri sa DySAS, RF-JPIA, Accounting, Engineering, at Education Department dahil sa walang sawang pagtitiwala sa aming opisina, kaya’t ganon na lamang nila gawing imbakan ang aming silid-kumpulan ng mga mahahalagang bagay. Hayaan niyo’t nandiyan lang si Jerry. Mabuhay ka Jerry! Sa mga panahong lugmok kami sa boredom sa loob ng office, to the rescue ang mga programa sa gym sa pag-aangat ng aming natutulog na katawang lupa, kung kaya’t maraming salamat sa ingay na dala pb san jose gymnasium. Sa mga interns na very considerate, sa mga tindera sa talipapa for allowing us to borrow their utensils, sa mga nagtatanong kung CR ba ang aming office, sa lahat ng natutulog dito, sa lahat ng nakiki-sine, sa lahat ng tumatangkilik sa aming releases, sa buong pamayanan ng UMTC… daghang salamat!
Editorial Board & Staff Editor in Chief
roy r. banias
Associate Editor
lynjoy t. roque
Managing Editor
frecel t. roque
News Editor
rossel grace s. retolla
Features Editor
jaycris c. dela cruz
Correspondents
jherine nikki hazel dalaygon beth s. daguplo carlo b. quinlog stephanie hope s. arnilla edu g. macabatas khristine liezle s. arnilla jay paul m. eder jastine rose m. ca単ete dennis james a. luis mavis p. moratilla
Cartoonists
john mark m. delapos quinn m. ursal
Photojournalists
mark lorenz m. dayon zarrita jel b. pajes jennifer d. fuertes
Layout Artist Adviser
ric kevin l. conde prof. marck lester l. navales, cpa