“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 1.
TEASER SCENE A FADE IN:
1
INT. COFFEE HOUSE - MORNING (DAY 1) 1 (Ross, Phoebe, Will, Rachel, All, Except Ross, Monica, Chandler) ROSS READS THE PAPER, EVERYONE ELSE EATS MUFFINS AND DRINKS COFFEE. ROSS Hey guys, check this out. The paper says there’s a serial burglar on the loose in the village. They’re calling him the Bridge and Tunnel Burglar. PHOEBE Really? Does it give a description? Does he look like the Brooklyn Bridge? Ooh! Ooh! Or maybe the Lincoln Tunnel! EVERYONE LAUGHS, AND GOES BACK TO THEIR COFFEE. ROSS IS ABOUT TO RETORT WHEN WILL ENTERS. Hey, Rach.
WILL
RACHEL Hi! You’re early! Guys, this is Will. Will, this is (BEAT) everyone. ROSS LOOKS OVER AT WILL AND DOES A DOUBLE TAKE.
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 2.
CONTINUED:
Hi!
ALL, EXCEPT ROSS
RACHEL I’ll see you guys later. RACHEL AND WILL WALK TOWARD THE DOOR. BEFORE LEAVING, RACHEL TURNS BACK AND GIVES HER FRIENDS A BROAD SMILE. SHE REALLY LIKES THIS GUY. MONICA He seems nice. ROSS Yeah, for a hardened criminal. CHANDLER (PUZZLED)What are you talking about? ROSS (SMACKS NEWSPAPER) That Will guy is the Bridge and Tunnel Burglar!
FADE OUT.
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 3.
CONTINUED:
ACT ONE SCENE B FADE IN:
2
2
INT. COFFEE HOUSE -LATER (Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, Ross) LATER THAT SAME MORNING, THE GANG STILL HANGS OUT AT CENTRAL PERK, SANS RACHEL. JOEY ENTERS, VERY EXCITED. JOEY I just got a great job! (SITS) EVERYONE LOOKS TO JOEY, HAPPY FOR HIM. CHANDLER So, what is it? A play? A movie? What’s it called?
Jury duty!
JOEY
PHOEBE I saw that movie! Joey, don’t waste your time! JOEY No, actual jury duty. It’s the best of all worlds! Free food, I get paid, and I get to work on my acting! CHANDLER How would you get to work on your acting?
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 4.
CONTINUED: JOEY If a witness gives stirring testimony, I can pretend to be touched (LOOKS EARNEST). Or, I can be happy when the verdict is announced (LOOKS HAPPY). EVERYONE NODS, HUMORING JOEY. ROSS Forget about jury duty. Joey, Rachel is dating the Bridge and Tunnel Burglar! JOEY Yeah, sure Ross. (BEAT) Can anyone spot me some money for a cruller? CHANDLER HANDS JOEY A BILL. ROSS IS UPSET THAT NO ONE IS TAKING HIM SERIOUSLY. ROSS I’ll show you guys! Rachel’s dating the Bridge and Tunnel Burglar! I’ll prove it! ROSS GETS UP AND LEAVES CENTRAL PERK, UPSET. EVERYONE EXCHANGES CONFUSED LOOKS. OFF THEIR REACTIONS, WE... CUT TO:
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 5.
CONTINUED: SCENE C
4
INT. MONICA AND CHANDLER’S APARTMENT -DAY (DAY 1) (Monica, Phoebe, Chandler) CHANDLER LOUNGES ON THE COUCH, WATCHING DAYTIME TV. PHOEBE AND MONICA ROLL DOUGH. THE PHONE RINGS. CHANDLER REACHES OVER TO ANSWER IT. CHANDLER Hello? (BEAT) Um, yes, she is. Just a minute. (BEAT) Pheebs, it’s for you. PHOEBE WIPES HER HANDS AND TAKES THE PHONE FROM CHANDLER. EVERYONE LOOKS CONFUSED. PHOEBE Hello? (BEAT) Yes, this is Phoebe Buffay. (BEAT) Oh my God! Hi! How have you been? (BEAT) Great! Um, OK. (BEAT) Sacred Heart Mission? OK, Bye! PHOEBE HANGS UP THE PHONE AND LOOKS AT MONICA AND CHANDLER. THEY LOOK INTRIGUED. PHOEBE GOES BACK TO ROLLING DOUGH. CHANDLER GETS UP AND JOINS MONICA AND PHOEBE AT THE KITCHEN TABLE. MONICA Phoebe, who was on the phone? PHOEBE Oh, it was just one of my friends from when I was a kid. She wants to see me.
(CONTINUED)
4
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 6.
CONTINUED: CHANDLER That’s great, Pheebs! You’ll get together, have some coffee, talk about old times. PHOEBE Yeah, like when my mom killed herself, and when I was homeless. (BEAT) Yeah, lots of fun! PHOEBE CROSSES OVER TO THE COUCH AND FLOPS DOWN. CHANDLER LOOKS AT MONICA, NOT SURE WHAT TO SAY. OFF THEIR LOOKS, WE... CUT TO:
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 7.
CONTINUED: SCENE D
5
5
INT. JOEY AND RACHEL’S APARTMENT - DAY (DAY 1) (Ross, Joey) ROSS SITS AT THE ISLAND, STILL WITH THE NEWSPAPER CONTAINING THE ARTICLE ABOUT THE BRIDGE AND TUNNEL BURGLAR. JOEY LOOKS THROUGH THE REFRIGERATOR. ROSS I can’t believe she’s being so, so irresponsible! JOEY I can’t believe you’re being so, so crazy about this. Why do you care who Rachel dates? ROSS (UPSET AND ANNOYED) Burglar! JOEY Come on Ross, this guy is not the Bridge and Tunnel Burglar. What are the odds? (BEAT) Dude, you really need a girlfriend. ROSS Rachel is the mother of my unborn daughter. That child is my life. And I’m not going to put that in danger.
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 8.
CONTINUED: JOEY How do you even know Will is the Bridge and Tunnel Burglar? ROSS There’s a picture! ROSS SHOWS JOEY THE PICTURE FROM THE NEWSPAPER. JOEY You can’t tell anything from that picture. It could be Chandler! (BEAT) Ross, you’re worried about nothing. Just relax. (BEAT) And wish me luck at jury duty! ROSS LOOKS AT JOEY WITH A PERTURBED LOOK ON HIS FACE. JOEY (CONT’D) Fine, be that way! JOEY EXITS. CUT TO:
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 9.
CONTINUED: SCENE E
6
6
INT. HALLWAY BETWEEN APT. 19 & 20 -DAY (Rachel, Joey) JOEY EXITS HIS APARTMENT, RACHEL COMES IN FROM THE STAIRS. RACHEL Hey, Joey, where are you off to? JOEY Oh, Rach, I got a great gig! Jury duty! RACHEL (CONFUSED) All right then, Joe. Have a great time. RACHEL MOVES TOWARD HER APARTMENT DOOR, AND JOEY STARTS TOWARD THE STAIRS. RACHEL (CONT’D) Wait! Joey, what’s the name of that place you take women on the third date? JOEY (VERY IMPRESSED) You really like this guy! RACHEL (SMILES) Well, yeah. He’s really funny, and he doesn’t seem to mind the carry on (INDICATES PREGNANT BELLY). I’m taking him to lunch,
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 10.
CONTINUED:
RACHEL(CONT'D) and I thought that place would be perfect. JOEY How you doin’! (BEAT) Rach, that’s really great. The place is called Inferno.
JOEY WRITES THE ADDRESS DOWN FOR RACHEL. RACHEL Thanks! I’ll let you know how it goes. JOEY EXITS DOWN THE STAIRS, AND RACHEL ENTERS HER APARTMENT. CUT TO:
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 11.
CONTINUED: SCENE F
7
7
INT. JOEY AND RACHEL’S APARTMENT -DAY (Rachel, Ross, Chandler) RACHEL IS SURPRISED TO SEE ROSS SITTING IN HER APARTMENT. HE IS STILL SEATED AT THE ISLAND REREADING THE NEWSPAPER ARTICLE ABOUT THE BRIDGE AND TUNNEL KILLER. RACHEL Ross, what are you doing here? ROSS (NONCHALANT) Oh, just hangin’ out. (BEAT) So, you look happy with that Will guy. RACHEL Yeah. I think this could really turn into something. He’s smart, he’s successful, and he has a really cute butt! Joey gave me the name of his third date place, so I’m taking Will there for lunch today. RACHEL GOES INTO HER BEDROOM. ROSS TURNS TO LOOK IN THAT DIRECTION. ROSS Rach, you do know that you’re dating the Bridge and Tunnel Burglar, right?
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 12.
CONTINUED: RACHEL COMES OUT OF HER ROOM WITH TWO DRESSES ON HANGERS, AND LOOKS AT ROSS AS IF HE’S JUST GROWN ANOTHER HEAD. RACHEL Ross, honey, I think it’s time you found a girlfriend. ROSS PRETENDS HE DIDN’T HEAR THE COMMENT. ROSS Rach, for the sake of our unborn daughter, I don’t think I can let you see this guy anymore. He’s a safety risk. RACHEL Oh, you won’t let me. (BEAT) All right then. I guess I won’t go. ROSS (RELIEVED)I was afraid you were gonna get all upset and mad at me. RACHEL Ross, you’re being ridiculous. You can’t tell me who to date! RACHEL GATHERS HER BAG AND COAT, AND GETS READY TO LEAVE WITH THE DRESSES. RACHEL (CONT’D) (LAUGHING)You can’t let me go out with him. That’s too funny. RACHEL LEAVES THE APARTMENT, STILL LAUGHING. ON HER WAY OUT, CHANDLER ENTERS.
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 13.
CONTINUED: CHANDLER What’s so funny? ROSS I told her she was dating the Bridge and Tunnel Burglar, and that I couldn’t let her go out with him anymore. CHANDLER I’m surprised she’s not laughing harder. ROSS They’re going out for lunch today. I have to keep my eye on that guy. (BEAT) What are you doing this afternoon? CHANDLER (SUSPICIOUS) Why? ROSS I have to follow Rachel on her date with the Bridge and Tunnel Burglar! And you’re coming with me! CHANDLER I think I have to help Monica... ROSS Fine. When I tell my daughter that her mom dated a man who wreaked
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 14.
CONTINUED:
ROSS(CONT'D) havoc all over Manhattan, and her favorite Uncle Chandler wouldn’t help save her, you can just say (MIMICS WIMPY VOICE) “I had to help Monica”. CHANDLER Oh, so you’re preparing the speech for her first birthday party already? ROSS Chandler, this is serious! CHANDLER OK, I’ll come. Someone needs to protect them from you. Where are they having lunch?
ROSS DOESN’T REALIZE WHAT CHANDLER HAS JUST SAID. ROSS Joey’s third date place. Do you know it? CHANDLER (UPSET)He said its powers were too much for me. I can’t believe he told Rachel! ROSS We have to go find Joey at the courthouse.
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 15.
CONTINUED: ROSS GOES TO THE DOOR. CHANDLER (ALMOST TO HIMSELF, A LITTLE DEFENSIVE) I’m married. I didn’t need his magical restaurant to get me a woman! ROSS LOOKS AT CHANDLER WITH LITTLE PATIENCE. CHANDLER (CONT’D) OK, I’m coming. CHANDLER AND ROSS EXIT. CUT TO:
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 16.
CONTINUED: SCENE G
8
8
INT. MONICA AND CHANDLER’S APARTMENT -DAY (Monica, Rachel, Phoebe) PHOEBE IS STILL SPRAWLED OUT ON THE COUCH, TRYING TO DECIDE IF SHE’LL GO TO MEET HER FRIEND. MONICA IS PACING THE LIVING ROOM, TRYING TO HELP HER. RACHEL IS IN THE KITCHEN, TRYING TO DECIDE BETWEEN HER DRESSES. MONICA So why not go? Find out what this person has been up to for all these years. RACHEL Mon, she told Phoebe to meet her at a street mission. What do you think she’s doing? PHOEBE SITS UP AND LOOKS AT RACHEL. PHOEBE But Sacred Heart, that’s like the Club Med of missions. When Annie and I were living in a cardboard box on Avenue D, we always used to dream of one day being able to go to the Sacred Heart Mission every day. MONICA CROSSES TO THE COUCH AND HUGS PHOEBE. MONICA Aw, Pheebs. That’s so sad!
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 17.
CONTINUED: PHOEBE No, it was OK. Really. RACHEL COMES INTO THE LIVING ROOM AREA AND HOLDS EACH DRESS AGAINST HER BODY. Which dress?
RACHEL
MONICA You had my brown dress? I thought the dry cleaner was stealing my clothes again! MONICA SNATCHES THE DRESS OUT OF RACHEL’S HAND. RACHEL OK, we’re goin’ with the blue. PHOEBE (THOUGHTFUL) You know what, I think I’m gonna go see Annie. RACHEL Good luck Pheebs! (GIVES HER A QUICK HUG) I can’t wait to hear about it, but I have to go get ready for my date with Will. PHOEBE (EXCITED FOR RACHEL) He’s yummy! Have fun! RACHEL Oh, I’m gonna try!
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 18.
CONTINUED: RACHEL EXITS. FADE OUT. END OF ACT ONE.
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 19.
CONTINUED: ACT TWO SCENE H FADE IN:
9
INT. COURTROOM - DAY (DAY 1) (Joey, Ross, Chandler, Judge, Defense Attorney, Deputy, Prosecuting Attorney) THE COURTROOM IS FULL OF PEOPLE, AND IS VERY BUSY. JOEY SITS NEAR THE FRONT, ENJOYING THE ENTIRE PROCESS. EVERYONE AROUND HIM LOOKS BORED, BUT HE CAN’T WAIT TO BE SELECTED. DEPUTY The court calls Joseph Tribbiani to the stand. AS JOEY WALKS UP TO THE STAND, CHANDLER AND ROSS ENTER AND SLIDE INTO SEATS IN THE BACK ROW. CHANDLER He’s already up there. What do we do? ROSS We have to get Joey off the stand. We could say it’s a family emergency. CHANDLER We’re not going to do that. You can just wait until he’s finished up there. ROSS This is important! Rachel’s in danger!
(CONTINUED)
9
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 20.
CONTINUED: CHANDLER I’m sure Rachel is fine. Just wait. ROSS (SULKILY)Fine. PROSECUTING ATTORNEY Have you heard of this case before, Mr. Tribbiani? JOEY (TRYING HARD TO HIDE HIS EXCITEMENT) No, sir. ROSS LOOKS AT CHANDLER, THEN BACK AT JOEY. HE’S GONNA MAKE HIS MOVE. ROSS (GETS UP OUT OF SEAT) That’s a lie! Your honor, I saw this man talking to the defense attorney before these proceedings began! THE COURTROOM, ESPECIALLY CHANDLER AND JOEY, IS SHOCKED. JUDGE Is this true? CHANDLER DECIDES THAT SINCE HE CAN’T BEAT ROSS, HE MIGHT AS WELL JOIN HIM. CHANDLER Yes, your honor! That man (POINTS AT JOEY) was given a bribe! GASPS RING THROUGH THE COURTROOM.
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 21.
CONTINUED: DEFENSE ATTORNEY Your honor, I’ve never seen this man before in my life! JUDGE Don’t make me indict you for jury tampering, counselor! Mr. Tribbiani, you are dismissed. JOEY GIVES CHANDLER AND ROSS A DIRTY LOOK. JOEY Uh, your honor-JUDGE I don’t want to hear it, Mr. Tribbiani. JOEY But--those guys, they’re my-JUDGE Get off the stand before I bar you from all jury duty. JOEY’S FACE FALLS AS HE SLOWLY GETS OFF THE STAND. CUT TO:
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 22.
CONTINUED:
SCENE I
12
12
INT. SACRED HEART MISSION -DAY (DAY 1) (Phoebe, Nun)
PHOEBE ARRIVES AT THE MISSION. IT IS NICER THAN THE TYPICAL HOMELESS SHELTER. PHOEBE LOOKS AROUND AND DOESN’T SEE ANYONE RESEMBLING ANNIE. NUN May I help you, my child? PHOEBE Oh! Oh, no. Um, I’m supposed to meet someone here. A friend. (SITS) But she doesn’t seem to be here. NUN Just have a rest then, and we’ll get you some nice warm lobster bisque. BEFORE PHOEBE CAN SAY ANYTHING, THE NUN HAS SIGNALLED TO SOME OTHER NUNS, AND A TRAY OF FOOD IS BROUGHT IN AND PLACED IN FRONT OF PHOEBE. NUN (CONT'D) Eat up, my child. PHOEBE I’m sorry, but I’m a vegetarian. NUN Don’t you think you’re not really in the position to be choosy about what you eat?
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 23.
CONTINUED: PHOEBE (PUZZLED) Huh? (GETS IT) No, I’m not homeless, either. I’m looking for my friend. Do you know where I can find Annie Nichols? NUN I believe she’s here. Let me go find her for you. AS THE NUN LEAVES, SHE TAKES THE TRAY AWAY FROM PHOEBE, WHO LOOKS SHOCKED. ON THAT, WE... CUT TO:
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 24.
CONTINUED: SCENE J
13
13
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE COURTROOM -DAY (DAY 1) (Joey, Ross, Chandler) JOEY USHERS CHANDLER AND ROSS IN TO THE HALL ANGRILY. JOEY What are you guys doing? You ruined my chance to get in on that case! It was for the New York Madam! It could last weeks! ROSS That doesn’t matter! Rachel’s life is in danger! You have to tell us where she went on her date. JOEY I’m not interfering. This is her first date in months! CHANDLER Don’t think of it as interfering. Think of it as contributing to the insanity of a friend. ROSS CATCHES THIS DIG AT HIM AND GIVES CHANDLER A DIRTY LOOK. JOEY You guys should just let Rachel have some fun. Will is not the Bridge and Tunnel Burglar. Not from that picture in the paper. (BEAT)
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 25.
CONTINUED:
JOEY(CONT'D) And Chandler, why are you contributing to this? CHANDLER What else do I have to do? Help Monica bake bread? ROSS Joey, you’re right. I shouldn’t interfere in Rachel’s life.
JOEY SMILES, GLAD THAT ROSS HAS FINALLY REALIZED HOW IRRATIONAL HE’S BEING. ROSS (CONT’D) Hey, Joe, I’ve got a date tonight. Where should I take her? JOEY (EXCITED) There’s this great place on- (CATCHES ON) I’m not gonna fall for that. Ross, what do you take me for? ROSS Joey, I’m sorry, really. JOEY That’s better. Now, I’ve gotta get back to the selection. Maybe I’ll still get a case. JOEY STARTS BACK TOWARD THE COURTROOM. ROSS AND CHANDLER EXCHANGE LOOKS.
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 26.
CONTINUED: CHANDLER Wait, Joe. I want to really impress Monica. Where should I take her for dinner tonight after she finds out about this? JOEY TURNS. JOEY Take her to Inferno! I always score after I take a girl there. It’s my third date place. JOEY DOESN’T NOTICE THAT ROSS AND CHANDLER HAVE STARTED EASING AWAY FROM HIM, SMILES CREEPING ACROSS THEIR FACES. JOEY (CONT’D) I told Rach-- No! CHANDLER AND ROSS ARE NOW RUNNING AWAY. CHANDLER (OVER HIS SHOULDER) Thanks Joey! ON JOEY’S REACTION, WE... CUT TO:
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 27.
CONTINUED: SCENE K
14
14
INT. INFERNO RESTAURANT -DAY (DAY 1) (Will, Rachel, Ross, Chandler) RACHEL AND WILL SIT AT AN INTIMATE TABLE FOR TWO. WILL (SMILES AT RACHEL) This is a great place! RACHEL My roommate recommended it. It’s supposed to be amazing.
RACHEL AND WILL LOOK AT THEIR MENUS AND MAKE INAUDIBLE SMALL TALK. CHANDLER AND ROSS ENTER, COMPLETELY OUT OF BREATH. PAYING NO ATTENTION TO THE RESTAURANT STAFF, ROSS AND CHANDLER PICK UP MENUS AND HIDE BEHIND THEM AS THEY RUN TO A TABLE ADJACENT TO RACHEL AND WILL’S. ONCE SEATED, ROSS WATCHES RACHEL AND WILL LIKE A HAWK. ROSS Look! He’s already polishing his weapon. WILL IS METHODICALLY WIPING HIS BUTTER KNIFE BEFORE HE DIPS IT INTO THE BUTTER FOR HIS ROLL. CHANDLER Oh no! He’s wiping his butter knife with a napkin! Call the authorities! ROSS (SHRILL) Chandler, be serious! This is important! CHANDLER MAKES A FACE AT ROSS AND MIMICS WHAT HE JUST SAID. THIS CATCHES WILL’S ATTENTION.
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 28.
CONTINUED: WILL (EMBARRASSED) Um, Rachel, are those your friends? RACHEL LOOKS AND SEES ROSS AND CHANDLER, WHO IMMEDIATELY TRY TO HIDE BEHIND THEIR MENUS. RACHEL I’m really sorry about this, Will. Excuse me for just one second. RACHEL CROSSES OVER TO ROSS AND CHANDLER’S TABLE. SHE IS VISIBLY ANGRY. SHE STANDS AT THE TABLE, HANDS ON HIPS, FOR A MOMENT BEFORE ANYONE ACKNOWLEDGES HER. ROSS (UNSUCCESSFULLY NON-CHALANT) Oh, hi Rach! Fancy meeting you here! We, uh, just decided to get a bite for lunch. RACHEL Ross, what is your problem? There is nothing wrong with Will. (BEAT) Chandler, come out from behind that menu! I know it’s you, and I’m going to tell Monica. CHANDLER EMERGES FROM BEHIND THE MENU. HE WAVES A LITTLE. ROSS I was just worried, you know. I care about you, Rach. And our baby.
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 29.
CONTINUED: RACHEL There’s nothing to worry about! (BEAT, A LITTLE TOO LOUDLY) Will is not the Bridge and Tunnel Burglar! RACHEL TURNS TO SEE WILL STANDING BESIDE HER. WILL Is there a problem here? RACHEL Will! Um, my friend Ross seems to believe that you’re the Bridge and Tunnel Burglar. WILL Is this true? ROSS (TRYING TO BE COOL) Um, no. WILL IS QUIET FOR A MOMENT. EVERYONE LOOKS AT HIM, TENSE. THEN, WILL LAUGHS. WILL You’re a funny guy, Ross. The Bridge and Tunnel Burglar! That’s too much! EVERYONE ELSE LAUGHS, TOO. RACHEL Um, Will, do you want to go have lunch in the park instead?
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 30.
CONTINUED:
Sure. (BEAT)
WILL See you guys later.
Bridge and Tunnel Burglar. That’s hilarious! Rach, your friends are great! WILL ESCORTS RACHEL OUT OF THE RESTAURANT. CUT TO:
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 31.
CONTINUED: SCENE L
15
15
INT. SACRED HEART MISSION -DAY (DAY 1) (Phoebe, Annie) PHOEBE STILL SITS AT THE TABLE. ANNIE ENTERS AND SITS DOWN ACROSS FROM PHOEBE. PHOEBE There’s already another nun waiting for me. Thanks. ANNIE Phoebe, it’s me! Annie. Well, Sister Margaret now. PHOEBE IS SHOCKED. SHE DIDN’T EXPECT THIS, AND CAN’T SPEAK FOR A MOMENT. ANNIE WAITS FOR HER TO SPEAK. PHOEBE Hi! You’re a nun! ANNIE Yeah. Not too different from the streets, except now I have clean clothes, and a warm place to sleep at night. (BEAT) Hey, Jim! ANNIE WAVES AT A HOMELESS MAN. PHOEBE SEES HIM AND IS TAKEN ABACK. PHOEBE Crazy Jimmy! How many people from the old crowd do you see here?
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 32.
CONTINUED: ANNIE Pretty much everyone. Odd Bob comes in on Wednesdays, and Francine is here on weekends, mostly. PHOEBE Francine? I thought she moved to Florida! ANNIE She came back a couple years ago. Missed the culture. (BEAT) So, tell me what you’ve been up to. PHOEBE So much. I’m a masseuse, and I sing part time at a coffee house. Oh, and a couple of years ago, I had my brother’s triplets, andANNIE (WARY) You had your brother’s kids? PHOEBE Yeah. Um, I alsoANNIE WANTS TO GET AWAY FROM PHOEBE. MAYBE THIS WASN’T SUCH A GOOD IDEA AFTER ALL. ANNIE Phoebe, I have to go. Mother Superior needs me. (GOES TO LEAVE, THEN TURNS BACK) I really think you
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 33.
CONTINUED:
ANNIE(CONT'D) should talk to someone about what you’ve done with your brother. We’ve got excellent counselors here.
BEFORE PHOEBE CAN REPLY, ANNIE IS GONE. ON PHOEBE’S REACTION, WE... CUT TO:
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 34.
CONTINUED: SCENE M
16
INT. MONICA AND CHANDLER’S APARTMENT -NIGHT (DAY 1) (Phoebe, Monica, Rachel, Ross, Chandler)
16
PHOEBE AND MONICA SIT AT THE KITCHEN TABLE WITH GLASSES OF WINE. PHOEBE Things were going fine until I told her I gave birth to my brother’s kids. Then she had to leave. MONICA (PUZZLED) Um, Pheebs, did you tell her that you were Frank and Alice’s Surrogate, and that it was in vitro? SOMETHING CLICKS IN PHOEBE’S HEAD. SHE HAD FORGOTTEN TO MENTION THAT. BEFORE SHE CAN REPLY, RACHEL ENTERS, CLOSELY FOLLOWED BY ROSS AND CHANDLER. RACHEL IS VERY ANGRY. RACHEL Monica, your family is crazy! MONICA What happened? RACHEL Why don’t you ask your brother? Or your husband! (BEAT) They followed me on my date with Will. And after he told them he wasn’t the Bridge and Tunnel Burglar, they STILL followed us!
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 35.
CONTINUED: ROSS (FLIPPANT) Like we’re gonna believe him when he says he’s not the Bridge and Tunnel Burglar. MONICA (TO CHANDLER) You helped him do this?
(MEEKLY) Yeah.)
CHANDLER ROSS He’s the one who got the name of the restaurant from Joey. RACHEL (SHOCKED)Chandler! MONICA You are so in trouble, Bing!
ROSS LOOKS GLEEFUL THAT CHANDLER’S GETTING IN MORE TROUBLE THAN HE IS. RACHEL Don’t look so happy, Ross. I can’t believe you did this! It’s insane! ROSS REALLY DOESN’T HAVE AN ANSWER. EVERYONE EXCEPT PHOEBE ARGUES FOR A MOMENT, UNTIL PHOEBE GETS FED UP. PHOEBE Stop it! I’ve had a hard day at church! Don’t make me curse you! EVERYONE STOPS AND LOOKS AT PHOEBE, STUNNED.
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 36.
CONTINUED: PHOEBE (CONT’D) (SMILES) Thank you. WITH EVERYONE STILL STANDING IN THE KITCHEN OR LIVING ROOM, PHOEBE CROSSES TO THE SOFA AND SITS. SHE PICKS UP A MAGAZINE AND STARTS READING. ON EVERYONE’S REACTIONS, WE... FADE OUT. END OF ACT TWO
(CONTINUED)
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 37.
CONTINUED: TAG
17 18
17
SCENE N
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INT. COFFEE HOUSE -DAY (DAY 2) (Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, Ross) EVERYONE IS AT THE COFFEE HOUSE, DRINKING COFFEE AND EATING BAKED GOODS. RACHEL COMES FROM THE COUNTER WITH A CUP OF TEA, AND AS ROSS REACHES FOR ONE, RACHEL SITS DOWN ON A STACK OF NEWSPAPERS. JOEY ENTERS HAPPILY. CHANDLER Where have you been? JOEY I was at the courthouse. I went down there real early this morning to see if I could get on a trial. And I got one! PHOEBE That’s great Joey! What is it? JOEY The Bridge and Tunnel Burglar case. They caught him last night, crossing the street between our building and Ross’! (BEAT) Sorry, Rach. It was Will.
EVERYONE LOOKS AT ONE ANOTHER, SHOCKED. ROSS, HOWEVER, LOOKS LIKE THE CAT WHO ATE THE CANARY. ROSS I told you so! FADE OUT.
“The One With Phoebe’s Friend” Final Draft 38.
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END OF SHOW
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