Scrubs "My Ladies" by Rachel Brethauer

rachel@redandkitty.com (310)310-7015

Writer's Note: This episode of Scrubs takes place somewhere between the end of season 7 and episode 4 of season 8. J.D. and Elliot are both single (and friends with each other). Carla is not yet pregnant with her second child. Dr. Kelso has retired from Sacred Heart.

Scrubs

"My Ladies"

COLD OPEN FADE IN: 1

INT. DOCTOR’S LOUNGE - DAY, DAY 1

J.D. and Turk watch “Who’s the Boss?” on the lounge TV. TURK Who do you think was REALLY the boss? I think it was Angela. J.D. shifts around uncomfortably in his seat. He reaches into the cushions and pulls out a paddle ball. He begins playing with it, badly. Dr. Cox enters as Turk is talking. DR. COX I’ll tell you who the boss was, is and always will be. Me. Now get out. It’s time for my show. J.D. No way, everyone knows it was Samantha. J.D. (V.O.) She was the prettiest girl of all. And the basis for all my fake girlfriends. DR. COX I don’t care, Newbie. (whistles) Out! TURK Fine. But only because I’ve got some paperwork to do. Turk and J.D. leave the room. 2

INT. NURSES’ STATION - DAY J.D. stops at the desk, still playing with the paddle ball. TED walks around the corner licking an ice cream cone. TED Hey! That’s my paddle ball.

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"My Ladies"

Ted approaches J.D. to get the toy back. J.D. keeps playing with it, eventually knocking the ice cream off Ted’s cone. TED Aw, man. You owe me two scoops of Rocky Road! The JANITOR enters and sees the splattered mess. JANITOR Who did this? He notices Ted holding the empty cone. JANITOR Ted! I told you to get your ice cream in a cup. TED I like to live dangerously. The Janitor shakes his mop at Ted, who runs away. The Janitor follows. An ORDERLY pushes ALYSSA MILANO past on a gurney. CARLA enters. CARLA New patient turfed from the ER. Room 132. Carla hands the patient’s chart to J.D. He heads off to the patient’s room. CARLA Gimme that. She pulls the paddle ball out of J.D.’s hand. J.D. exits. Carla turns around and walks down the hallway. She sees Turk and slaps him on the butt with the paddle ball. They exchange a knowing, lusty look. 3

INT. PATIENT ROOM - DAY J.D. enters the room and sees that his patient is ALYSSA MILANO. She’s unconscious. J.D. (V.O.) Holy Tony Danza! J.D. pulls his phone out of his pocket.

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"My Ladies"

INT. ON-CALL ROOM - DAY

Carla and Turk make out in the on-call room. TURK Baby, the paddle ball? HOT. CARLA You can thank J.D. I took it away from him. TURK He’s always got my back. They kiss some more, until Turk’s pager interrupts them. Ignore it.

CARLA

Turk breaks the kiss and looks down. TURK It’s a 911. I have to go. CARLA Can you at least promise me we’ll pick this up from where we left off? TURK We will, I promise. He kisses her on the forehead and leaves the room. 5

INT. PATIENT’S ROOM - DAY Turk joins J.D. in Alyssa Milano’s room. They lean over her bed, looking down at her. TURK (off Alyssa) No way, dude. It’s not her. J.D. It is. Look at that little scar at the corner of her mouth. Jonathan gave it to her in season 4, episode 13.

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"My Ladies"

TURK Oh, right. Classic episode! J.D. She’s even prettier than she was in 1986. I wonder if she’s single. 6

INT. “WHO’S THE BOSS?” LIVING ROOM SET - DAY (FANTASY)

MUSIC CUE: The final strains of the Who’s The Boss? theme song. JUDITH LIGHT (as Angela Bower) sits on the couch, reading, while TONY DANZA vacuums in the background. J.D. and Alyssa Milano come in the door, giddy and gleeful. Tony stops vacuuming. He and Angela cross to the foyer to greet the happy couple. ALYSSA MILANO Dad, Angela, I want you to meet my fiancé, J.D. Tony and Angela are elated. Samantha has finally found her true love. TONY DANZA Ay-oh, Oh-ay! Welcome to the family! Tony envelops Angela, J.D. and Alyssa Milano in a huge bear hug. BACK TO REALITY: 7

INT. PATIENT’S ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Alyssa Milano stirs. Slowly, she wakes, not a little bit disoriented. J.D. Tony and Angela would love me. Finally, she focuses on J.D. and Turk, who are still off in a reverie. ALYSSA MILANO Actually, Mona would be all over you. She loved her some skinny white boys. (MORE)

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"My Ladies"

ALYSSA MILANO (cont'd) But before I hook you up with a septuagenarian, how ‘bout one of you tells me how I got here?

Off J.D. and Turk’s surprised looks, we... FADE OUT. END OF COLD OPEN

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"My Ladies"

ACT ONE FADE IN: 8

INT. PATIENT’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Alyssa Milano is now fully awake. Turk and J.D. are a little embarrassed for being caught. Turk pretends to feel his pager vibrating. TURK Oh! My pager’s going off. I... have to go. Turk exits. J.D. Ms. Milano, I’m your doctor, John Dorian. Do you remember what happened before you got here? ALYSSA MILANO I was rehearsing for Circus of the Stars. Trapeze act. I guess that Betty White didn’t catch me. 9

INT. CIRCUS OF THE STARS SET - DAY (FANTASY)

MUSIC CUE: Circus music Alyssa Milano and BETTY WHITE are on separate trapezes. Betty stretches out, ready to catch Alyssa. But when Alyssa lets go of her trapeze, Betty lets her drop. Alyssa plummets to the ground. SFX: Woman screaming, a crash. BACK TO REALITY: 10

INT. PATIENT’S ROOM - DAY J.D. looks off into the distance fondly. J.D. You can never trust a Golden Girl. Alyssa is puzzled.

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"My Ladies"

What?

ALYSSA MILANO

J.D. snaps to attention, then looks down at Alyssa’s chart. J.D. Nothing. (clears throat) It looks like you’ve got a concussion. We’re going to run some tests to rule out internal bleeding as well. You’ll be with us for a few days. J.D. (V.O.) Most people just want to get in and out of the hospital as quickly as possible. A broad smile crosses Alyssa’s face. ALYSSA MILANO Great! Sign me up! (beat) These TVs get cable? J.D. (V.O.) Of course, not everyone is Alyssa Milano. 11

INT. I.C.U. - DAY

ELLIOT takes MR. SIMPSON’S history. He’s in his early 40s, and looks lasciviously at Elliot. She checks him out in the most obvious way. ELLIOT Mr. Simpson, how long have you had the stomach pain? MR. SIMPSON A few days. But the pain I’ve got right now is a little lower. When Elliot leans up to check a monitor, Mr. Simpson grabs her butt. She’s torn between fury and rapture. Fury wins. ELLIOT Mr. Simpson, I am your doctor! You can’t treat me that way.

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"My Ladies"

MR. SIMPSON I’m sorry Dr. Reid, I just couldn’t help myself. You’ve got a fine behind. Elliot smiles despite herself. Rapture’s starting to win. ELLIOT Thank you, sir. (beat, she gets closer and whispers hotly at him) But just so you know, if you do it again, so help me God, I will mount you right here in this I.C.U. Off Mr. Simpson’s surprised look, she exits. 12

INT. I.C.U. NURSES’ STATION -- MOMENTS LATER

Elliot is doing some paperwork when Dr. Cox enters. DR. COX Um, Barbie, I just had a little conversation with Mr. Simpson. Elliot looks up. And?

ELLIOT

DR. COX He’s asked to switch off your service because he’s afraid you’re going to molest him. Elliot goes from cool and confident to flustered and freaked out. ELLIOT (high pitched and rapidfire) He grabbed my butt! DR. COX Of course he did. He’s been caught “reading” porn magazines three times since he was admitted last night. But you have to TREAT him, not terrify him with the image of your pasty white body jumping on top of him while he sleeps.

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ELLIOT (she’s almost at dog whistle level) I am not pasty! DR. COX Nightmares. He’s gonna have nightmares for life now. Scary ones about a Kewpie doll who tries to give him a colostomy bag. Elliot whimpers as Dr. Cox walks away. 14

INT. HALLWAY - DAY

J.D. writes on a chart. J.D. (V.O.) Every once in a while, you encounter someone who completely changes the environment around them. 15

INT. HALLWAY (FANTASY)

The hallway is full of hospital staff, all happily helping one another. Suddenly, the hospital gets dark and stormy. A cold wind blows MRS. MILANO down the hall in a tattered, hooded cloak, floating above the floor, sucking the happiness out of every person she passes (think Dementor from “Harry Potter”). Full-on mayhem breaks out. SFX: People screaming, wind blowing, thunder. Mrs. Milano glides over to J.D. The wind blows him over. MRS. MILANO Where is my daughter? J.D. holds onto the edge of the nurses’ station so he doesn’t blow away. J.D. S-s-s-so c-c-c-cold. BACK TO REALITY:

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"My Ladies"

10.

INT. NURSES’ STATION - MOMENTS LATER

Mrs. Milano stands at the nurses’ station waiting for J.D.’s response. She’s a petite, attractive woman in her late 50s, wearing a sleek grey suit. Everything about her is impeccable. MRS. MILANO I’m looking for my daughter, Alyssa. J.D. pretends not to be intimidated. J.D. I-I’m her doctor, Dr. D-Dorian. (beat, he regains most of his composure) She’s right this way. MRS. MILANO You don’t look like a doctor. J.D. And you don’t LOOK like you would put someone in a wood chipper, but I bet it’s possible. What?

MRS. MILANO

J.D. (V.O.) Inner monologue! Inner monologue! J.D. Nothing. This way please. Pained, J.D. leads Mrs. Milano to Alyssa’s room. 17

INT. PATIENT’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS Alyssa is lying in bed, reading. She looks relaxed, maybe even happy. J.D. leads Mrs. Milano into the room. J.D. Hey. How you feeling? ALYSSA MILANO Still a bit of a headache, but -At the sight of her mother, Alyssa’s jaw drops, her body tenses up and she can’t finish her sentence.

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"My Ladies"

Mom.

11.

ALYSSA MILANO

Mrs. Milano approaches the bed, blocking the clear view J.D. and Alyssa had of each other. MRS. MILANO Alyssa. You only have three days of rehearsal on Circus of the Stars. Looking at Alyssa’s chart, J.D. pipes up. J.D. Actually, Mrs. Milano, Alyssa suffered a concussion. We need to keep her under supervision for a few days -MRS. MILANO You’re done talking now. This is my daughter’s comeback, and she’s neck and neck with Tracey Gold, 0.84 points away from winning. Do you know what it takes to make it on a reality competition show? EXT. J.D.’S APARTMENT BUILDING (FANTASY) J.D. eagerly awaits a large envelope bearing the American Gladiators logo from a MAILMAN. J.D. It’s here! It’s here! (beat) Thanks, Quincy. The mailman waits. J.D. tears open the envelope and reads the letter. J.D. Dear Dr. Dorian, we regret to inform you that... J.D.’s face falls. He looks at the mailman. J.D. Guess I’ll try again next year. BACK TO REALITY:

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12.

INT. PATIENT’S ROOM - MOMENTS LATER J.D. sighs with resignation. J.D. I even had my Gladiator name picked out. An awkward pause. J.D. then pulls it back together. J.D. As Alyssa’s doctor, I can’t release her right now. She’s in a fragile state. Any additional trauma could cause irreparable brain damage. Alyssa Milano nods along with J.D., smiling at him. Mrs. Milano fumes. J.D. (whispering, a little dejected) It was ‘White Lightning’. Mrs. Milano gives J.D. the cut eye. 18

INT. PATIENT’S ROOM (FANTASY)

Mrs. Milano is once again a Dementor. A ghoulish voice says: MRS. MILANO We’ll see about that. She then sucks J.D.’s soul out of his body, leaving his body crumpled on the floor. She then flies around the room and out the window. BACK TO REALITY: 19

INT. PATIENT’S ROOM - MOMENTS LATER J.D. cowers by the bed. Mrs. Milano has gone. ALYSSA MILANO The coast is clear, J.D. (beat) Do you need a hug? J.D. nods and comes around to hug her. And she kinda likes it.

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"My Ladies"

13.

INT. CAFETERIA - DAY

Carla, J.D. and Turk are eating. Elliot joins them, dropping her tray on the table with a clatter. CARLA What’s wrong with you? ELLIOT Mr. Simpson. Every time I turn around in the I.C.U., he’s giving me the eye. I can’t help myself, I just wanna jump him. With relish, J.D. digs into a pudding cup. J.D. (sing-songs) Elliot’s ha-ard u-up! J.D.!

ELLIOT

TURK He’s hitting on patients again. That cut deep. J.D. pushes away his tray. J.D. That’s just mean, Brown Bear. You know it’s a special case. He races from the table. Turk is close behind. TURK You know I’m kidding. She’s on your top 5! Come on! J.D.! J.D. (trailing off, as they walk away) I think she’s into me. Carla turns her attention to Elliot. CARLA So, how long has it been? ELLIOT Two months and twenty-seven days.

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"My Ladies"

14.

CARLA I got you beat. Three and a half months. Really?

ELLIOT

CARLA Every time I try something with Turk, he falls asleep. ELLIOT How are you still in a good mood? Carla looks at Elliot. Elliot should know what Carla’s trying to telegraph to her, but she’s just not getting it. Seriously?

CARLA

ELLIOT What? Do you do it with him while he’s asleep? CARLA Elliot! No. Sometimes, you have to... take matters into your own hands. Elliot doesn’t quite get it. CARLA You’ve gotta try some selfcultivation. Elliot STILL doesn’t get it. A note lands on her tray. Elliot unwraps it, reads it and FINALLY understands. She looks over at who threw it. It’s TODD, who comes right over. TODD Self-pleasuring five! CARLA Todd, not now. He goes. CARLA Are you trying to tell me you’ve never...

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"My Ladies"

15.

Elliot’s eyes are wide. She can’t believe what Carla is suggesting. ELLIOT I’m from Connecticut! CARLA Girl, you don’t know what you’re missing. Just get into the mood and treat your body the way you always wanted a man to touch you. (sotto voce) Trust me, you’ll love it. Todd comes back. TODD You know what I’d love? ELLIOT Todd, if you don’t get out of here, I will strangle you with your banana hammock. TODD The Todd out.

PATIENT’S ROOM - NIGHT

Alyssa Milano is watching TV. J.D. enters nervously. As soon as she sees J.D., she breaks into a broad, nervous smile. J.D. How you feeling? He runs his hands through his hair. J.D. (V.O.) That’s the stuff. She’ll love your luscious locks. ALYSSA MILANO I’m doi -- Dr. Dorian? J.D. snaps back to attention. J.D. Please, call me J.D. Now really, how are you?

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16.

While Alyssa Milano is speaking, J.D. makes odd faces that he clearly thinks look flirtatious and enticing. ALYSSA MILANO Better now that my mom’s gone. I should institute visiting hours at my house. (beat) Seriously, are you O.K.? J.D. I’m fine. Just...exercising my facial muscles. (beat) What’s up with you and your mom? She seems really involved. She looks down at the bed for a moment, not meeting J.D.’s gaze. ALYSSA MILANO Look, J.D., I know what it looks like. But my mom’s also my manager. I’ve been kind of the family breadwinner since I was a kid. J.D. (V.O.) Poor Alyssa Milano. Let me hold you and make it all better! J.D. That’s... not weird at all. Can’t you talk to her? Tell her you’re an adult? ALYSSA MILANO Now, this might be hard to believe, but she’s not exactly receptive to change. J.D. And now you’ve got some time to figure out how to do it. I might even be able to help. She breaks into a smile. Their conversation continues. 23

INT. ELLIOT’S HOUSE - BATHROOM - NIGHT It’s the cheesiest seduction scene ever. Lit candles everywhere. Kenny G-style music plays softly.

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17.

Elliot enters with her hair up, wearing a slinky negligee and satin bathrobe and carrying a MASSIVE glass of red wine. She stands in front of the bathroom mirror and looks at herself. ELLIOT You look beautiful tonight, Dr. Reid. She makes sexy faces at herself in the mirror, then chugs the wine in one go and cranks the music. The shower turns on, and we see the robe and negligee get dropped on the floor. Elliot’s in the shower. She runs her hands over her soapy body, then gets a mischievous look on her face. It’s time for some self-cultivation. A DEEP breath. ELLIOT This is a perfectly healthy expression of sexuality. She lets a hand slide down her abdomen, but then snaps it back at the last second. No. She can’t. Elliot looks down. She touches herself on the breast, first gently, nervously. Then, a little more firmly, sensually. It feels good. She gets into it. ELLIOT OK, that’s good, keep it coming. Mama likes it. Elliot moves her hand slightly. She feels something. Her expression changes from pleasant surprise to puzzlement to shock. ELLIOT That’s not. It can’t be. It’s a lump. Frick!

ELLIOT FADE OUT. END OF ACT ONE

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18.

ACT TWO FADE IN: 24

INT. CLOSET - DAY, DAY 2

Elliot waits in the closet, trying to remain calm. ELLIOT It’s nothing. Just a cyst. A normal accumulation of tissue. (beat) Frickin’ freakin’ frackin’... The door opens and J.D. comes in, taking Elliot by surprise. ELLIOT Ahhh! (beat, trying to be calm) Oh. Hey, J.D. J.D. Elliot? What are you doing here? ELLIOT Didn’t you get my page? J.D. looks down at his pager. Nothing. J.D. Must be on the fritz. You didn’t answer my question. Elliot comes in close. She holds onto J.D.’s scrubs. ELLIOT I need you to do something to me. J.D.’s mind races. J.D. (V.O.) Does she want to? No way! Awesome! Two girls into me at one time? Dear Penthouse Forum... J.D. Are we gonna -ELLIOT No! J.D., I’m not THAT hard up.

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19.

She turns away from J.D. for a second. When she turns back to him, she’s holding a large needle. She opens her shirt. J.D. What’s going on? ELLIOT I found a lump. I need you to perform a needle biopsy and get the results back quickly. J.D. isn’t sure what to do. J.D. Are you serious? ELLIOT Would I be standing here like this if I didn’t mean it? She’s got a point. J.D. takes the needle from her and does the procedure. J.D. Are you OK? ELLIOT I’ll be fine if you stop asking me questions and take that to the lab. J.D. hesitates. ELLIOT J.D., go. Because if you don’t, I’m gonna jump you. J.D. You deal with stress so well, Elliot. She lunges at him, full of desperate, overwhelming (and a little bit angry) lust. Kidding! 25

J.D.

INT. NURSES’ STATION - CONTINUOUS

Mrs. Milano approaches. Carla is working. Dr. Cox is nearby, filling out a chart.

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20.

MRS. MILANO Where’s my daughter? CARLA I’m not sure. Who is your daughter? MRS. MILANO Alyssa Milano. Carla pulls a chart and reads it. CARLA Dr. Dorian sent her for a CT Scan. She should be back soon. MRS. MILANO Good. She has to get back to rehearsals. Seriously? Stage mothers. Carla takes a deep breath though she’d prefer to smack Mrs. Milano upside the head. CARLA Your daughter has a concussion. She isn’t ready to be released from the hospital yet. MRS. MILANO I think I know what’s best for my daughter. And winning this competition is exactly what she needs for those bastards at Dancing with the Stars to start taking my calls. Alyssa needs to be out on the trapeze, not there in that room, so let’s get this show on the road. Dr. Cox can’t believe the crap coming out of this woman’s mouth. He approaches. DR. COX What’s going on here? CARLA Mrs. Milano would like her daughter to be discharged.

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21.

DR. COX You mean the one who got her bell rung so bad she’s started to think that your husband’s other wife is cute? CARLA That’s the one. Dr. Cox tosses down his chart and fixes Mrs. Milano in his sights. DR. COX Hey. Lady. Your daughter’s not in AA-A-ANY condition to go anywhere. MRS. MILANO Excuse me? Who are you? DR. COX My name is Dr. Cox. I’m the Chief of Medicine here at Sacred Heart. And yourself? MRS. MILANO Diane Milano, Alyssa Milano’s mother and manager. JACKPOT! Dr. Cox winds up for one of his rants. DR. COX Ya see, I never really understood that kind of relationship. The one where you whore your kid around from audition to audition till they get a job on a sitcom that ends up paying for your brand new BMW every year, the house, the car, the boat A-A-AND everything your little black heart desires. Mrs. Milano begins to respond, ready to rip this guy a new one. DR. COX Did I say I was done? Carla, did I? Carla shakes her head.

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22.

DR. COX (CONT’D) Thank you. So, of course, you get your kid working for your lifestyle and then they grow up not knowing who really cares about them. You get your Britneys, your Jamie Lynns, your Mileys, Dana Platos and even a Leif Garrett every now and again not to mention my all-time favorite, Miss Lindsay Lohan. All in all didja really think you spent your kid’s childhood right? The petite Mrs. Milano pulls herself up to her full height and glares at him with menace in her eyes. MRS. MILANO I don’t have to justify anything about my family to you. At that moment, an orderly brings Alyssa to the nurses’ station in a wheelchair. Her CT scan is over. MRS. MILANO (CONT’D) Alyssa. You need to master your dismount. Luckily, Klaus said he’ll give you some extra practice time. I think somebody’s got a crush on you! And that will only help us crush Tracey Gold during the judging. ALYSSA MILANO Mom? What’s -Before Alyssa can even figure out what’s going on, Mrs. Milano wrestles control of her wheelchair away from the orderly and wheels her down the hall. DR. COX Crazy stage mothers. Dr. Cox leaves. Carla watches after them. Todd walks by and looks down Carla’s shirt. TODD Hey Carla, those are some fine boobies. Carla smiles a little, but doesn’t respond. JORDAN approaches.

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23.

JORDAN You did not just smile at that neanderthal. CARLA Gimme a break here. My husband falls asleep every time I try to put the moves on him. I’m out of ideas. Jordan leans in conspiratorially. JORDAN You have to introduce the element of surprise. Seduce Turk when he least expects it. It’s what I do with Perry. Really?

CARLA

JORDAN Mama needs her lunch time quickies. Why else do you think I show up at the hospital all the time? (beat) Now, where did Perry go? 26

INT. DOCTOR’S LOUNGE - DAY

Elliot sits at the table, a complete wreck –- hair messily pulled back, wearing a mismatched pair of scrubs, a pinched, expectant look on her face. Turk enters and knows what’s on her mind. He tries to help. TURK I’m sure it’s nothing. Maybe mastitis. ELLIOT How did you -- ? (beat) I’m gonna kill J.D. J.D. enters. He sees Turk and Elliot together and looks a little nervous. J.D. Elliot, before you freak out, I had to tell Turk.

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24.

ELLIOT There better be a frickin’ good reason, J.D. I told you to keep this a secret. J.D. sits down beside Elliot. J.D. I just got your biopsy results. They’re... inconclusive. Elliot’s face falls. Frick!

ELLIOT

J.D. You’re going to need an open biopsy. TURK I’ve got a surgery slot in two hours. J.D. I’ll cover your patients. Elliot takes a deep breath. ELLIOT OK. I’ll be there. Everyone gets up to leave, except Elliot. She looks truly scared, but not ready to face what this could mean. ELLIOT I don’t want anyone else to know, OK? Turk and J.D. exchange a look and nod in agreement. 27

INT. PATIENT’S ROOM - DAY

J.D. enters Alyssa Milano’s room with her test results. He sees an empty bed and rushes back out. 28

INT. NURSES’ STATION - CONTINUOUS J.D. races to the desk. Carla is there working.

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25.

J.D. Where’s Alyssa Milano? CARLA Her mother signed her out AMA a couple hours ago. Where have you been, Bambi? J.D. She was in no condition to be discharged from the hospital. Dr. Cox comes over as the phone rings. Carla answers. J.D. Dr. Cox, were you here when my patient signed out? DR. COX We tried to stop her, Newbie. But the mother, she’s just nigh on unstoppable. Carla hangs up the phone and looks at the men. CARLA Not that unstoppable. Your patient is back, J.D. They’re bringing her up from Emergency right now. Off J.D.’s puzzled look, we... DISSOLVE TO: 29

INT. PATIENT’S ROOM - DAY J.D. waits for Alyssa to wake up. She starts to stir, then opens her eyes. ALYSSA MILANO My doctor’s waiting for me to wake up. That must mean the results of the CT scan aren’t so hot. J.D. You don’t remember leaving the hospital? ALYSSA MILANO Are you serious?

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26.

J.D. nods. J.D. Your mother ignored our advice and took you back to rehearsal. I can only guess that Betty White missed the catch again. ALYSSA MILANO I - I don’t even know what to say. J.D. I’m here to treat you, no matter what. You don’t have to say a word to me. But there is someone you should talk to. You’re an adult. Maybe it’s time you were in charge of your own life. 31

INT. CLOSET - DAY

Carla leads Turk inside and starts making out with him. She’s really into it, but he’s not. Baby.

TURK

CARLA (murmurs) Mmm, baby. TURK No, baby. Carla. Turk pulls away from Carla. TURK I’d love nothing more than to stay here in this... nasty-ass closet and rock your world. But baby, I’ve got a surgery to scrub in on. Turk kisses Carla and leaves the room. Carla is bummed. She stays in the room for a moment, dejected.

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27.

INT. O.R. - DAY

Turk performs the open biopsy on Elliot. Carla bursts into the room, scrubbed up and wearing a mask. Carla!

TURK

CARLA Turk, we are going to talk about this right now, when you can’t run off and avoid me. Turk glances down at Elliot’s open chest. TURK Talk about what? How I’m elbow-deep in a person right now? CARLA The fact that I’ve never been so horny in my whole life, and you won’t even touch me. TURK What? We just did it the other day. For two hours. The other doctors and nurses all look around at each other, at the wall, the floor. Anywhere but at Carla or Turk. AWKWARD! CARLA Turk, that was almost FOUR months ago. And then you fell asleep when I was trying to seduce you. And you ran away from me this morning. TURK Can’t you see I’m a little busy? This might not be the best time. Carla finally looks down and notices that Turk is operating on Elliot. MUSIC CUE: Can’t Go Back Now by The Weepies begins to play, it plays over the remaining scenes. Oh my God.

CARLA

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28.

J.D. (V.O.) There are a lot things you have to learn to do on your own. 34

INT. PATIENT’S ROOM - DAY

Mrs. Milano enters Alyssa’s room, where J.D. is performing a neurological exam. MRS. MILANO Am I interrupting? J.D. turns to look at her. J.D. I’m just finishing up. J.D. makes a move to leave. Alyssa grabs his arm and looks at him hopefully. J.D. (V.O.) She loves me! ALYSSA MILANO Mom, we need to talk. Mrs. Milano crosses over to the bed. ALYSSA MILANO Beating Tracey Gold or being on the next Dancing with the Stars, the whole Hollywood THING doesn’t mean enough to me to land in the hospital with a concussion. It’s been 25 years, I think it’s time I took a break from being in front of the camera. Finally, Mrs. Milano and Alyssa touch. Mrs. Milano’s cold exterior melts and she envelops Alyssa Milano in a hug. J.D. puts a hand on Alyssa Milano’s shoulder, then walks out of the room. J.D. (V.O.) Whether you’re taking baby steps... INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS J.D. walks toward the I.C.U. Carla brings him a clipboard. J.D. stops and looks down at it.

Scrubs

"My Ladies"

29.

He takes a deep breath and walks on. Carla stands in the hallway, not really sure of anything anymore. Turk comes up behind Carla and taps her on the shoulder. She turns. He looks exhausted. Hi.

TURK

Carla smiles at him and wordlessly takes his hand. J.D. (V.O.) Or learning that things can’t always stay the same... They walk toward the I.C.U. together. DISSOLVE TO: 35

INT. I.C.U. PATIENT ROOM - DAY

Elliot lies in bed, recovering. She slowly wakes up from the anesthetic and focuses on J.D. He smiles supportively. J.D. How are you feeling? TODD I know I’m sad you cut into one of the hospital’s finest racks. Pull back to reveal that the whole gang is jammed into Elliot’s small room. ELLIOT Thanks, Todd. TODD I speak the truth. It’s a fine, fine rack. Elliot smiles despite herself. Carla grabs one of Elliot’s hands. She’s a little bit weepy. CARLA Don’t be mad. I found out... and then everyone else sort of found out. Elliot smiles and wells up.

Scrubs

"My Ladies"

30.

ELLIOT Carla. (beat) Thank you all so much. J.D. hands Elliot the clipboard so she can read her own test results. But before she can read them, he wraps her in a big, joyful hug. J.D. (V.O.) Even when you feel youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve never been more alone, your friends will always have your back. The gang celebrates with Elliot. Turk and Carla ease their way out of the group and sneak off. MUSIC COMES UP UNTIL WE... FADE OUT. END OF SHOW