The Radley College Chronicle Volume 25 Issue 0.5

T H E

R A D L E Y

C O L L E G E

CHRONICLE Vol. XXV No. 0.5

ELECTION SPECIAL 2015

30 April 2015

WHAT’S IT ALL ABOUT? A GUIDE TO THE RADLEY MOCK ELECTION o - after 5 years of waiting, way more than 4 Conservative defectors to UKIP, 3 weeks of holiday, 2 thrilling debates, Election Day is just one week away and things are hotting up. We’ve already seen one party – the Liberty Party – disappear, so things are not looking good for freedom. Oh well.

Who is there still left to vote for?

S

not tempt you and its attempts be dashed by the Liberal Democrats as they take flight from the boughs of a Conservative coalition – a bumpy nest for them since 2010. As public opinion would have it, the Liberal Democrats, upon vacating the nest, will drop like a stone and be fallen upon by the increasing weight of Nigel Farage’s UKIP. Will this be true at Radley?

Like the previous election (and probably all elections before that) this is being hailed as the ‘most important for a generation’. Public discontent with politicians continues to grow and has given a helping hand to the rise of UKIP and the Green Party. It is extremely unlikely that a single party will win an overall majority outside the Radley bubble, but let’s see what happens behind the sometimes closed doors of Radley.

As for the two heavyweight parties – Labour and Conservatives, under Edward Whitbread and Oliver Horridge respectively – who’s to say that they still deserve your precious vote? Both claim to be ‘the party of the working men people’ and Labour seem to be doing well in digging their thorns into the side of the Conservatives. The Conservatives claim that they have turned the economy around but will the roots of these claims be nothing but lies deep down?

Will the Empire Party (BEP) emerge from the shadow of Conservatism with Archie Clifton-Brown at the helm and take your vote? Perhaps you think that money doesn’t actually grow on trees and that the poison apple of UKIP under George Dillon-Robinson is not for you. Or perhaps with your vote you will allow UKIP to cut itself free from its origins within the Tory ranks and to germinate and prosper. But what about Mebyon Kernow (Cornish for ‘Sons of Cornwall’)?

Why not see what George Trelawny and his team stand for before you kick them back into the long grass.

There is a fantastic and large choice for you at this Radley Mock Election. Therefore, we at the Chronicle have decided to create this issue, which is what the BBC would call (and so we have done so too) an ‘Election Special’. Contained within the following pages you will find an article written by the leader of every party battling it out on 7th May for your vote. It’s their opportunity to tell you who they are and what they’re about. All of the candidates were given the same word limit; the articles of the minor parties just happen to be shorter. We hope that you will be engaged by what you read and also informed, so that you can make a good decision on 7th May based on policy, not just whether you like the Party’s colour or not.

The Green Party, with their dynamic leader Charlie Rothbarth, might actually be the one to catch your eye with its potentially dazzling policies. Or will its policies

– – — INSIDE — – – Why Vote Labour • Liberal Democrats: The Party of the Centre • #TORYFORGLORY • The British Empire Party • Why Believe in Britain? Why Vote UKIP? • Mebyon Kernow: A New Age of Politics• and much more…

30 April 2015

I

THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

WHY VOTE LABOUR

‘m a recovering Conservative. You, reading this, probably continue to battle with that affliction. It is not a matter of compassion, or differences, - there are compassionate Conservatives and compassionate lefties. It is not a matter of intelligence - abundant and lacking in their own ways on each side. No - it is a matter of perception. Perception is everything - we seek to adjust our reality based upon how we perceive it. I seek not just to present you with a different option, but a different view of reality.

Because something is clearly going wrong.

Ordinary people have suffered this government the most. Household bills are up by £300 since 2010 and rail fares are up on average 10 percent, while wages have fallen. Two-thirds of those hit by the bedroom tax are affected by disability. Since 2010, 3.2 million people are underemployed (look it up), up from 2.3 million in 2007.

Average incomes remain 4% below their predownturn peak, even below their level in 2010 and household incomes are lower by 3.3% on average a year. More children who are in poverty come from working houses than workless ones.

Supposedly Conservatives are the party of business, yet this really only applies to big business. Small and medium sized businesses, the backbone of our economy, have had their business rates increased by more than 10%, while big business and multinationals have had corporation tax cut by £10 billion. The use of food banks has increased by 109% since 2010. In this economic paradise Cameron claims to have fashioned for the UK, households are £1,127 worse off a year while the income of the lowest 10% of earners has dropped by over 4%. We have seen the greatest fall in wages over a Parliament since 1874.

won't affect them: austerity may ruin economies, but it wins elections.

The only positive sounding consequence of their time in office has been job-creation. But even this is hardly the full picture. Cameron has created a low skill, low wage economy, based largely on very serious and very damaging job insecurity. In 2014 the number of part time workers who wanted full time jobs was 1.3 million, double the pre-recession number. The number of people earning less than two-thirds of the median hourly pay was 5.2 million - a record. Wages haven't been squeezed to this extent since 1860. Tax revenues have, therefore, dropped. The only reason we are now seeing growth is, according again to the OBR, the fact that Osborne began to back off his austerity measures, measures he seeks to put in place again.

Things need to change. We will ensure that 200,000 new homes a year are built by 2020, giving first time buyers first priority. We will fund 8,000 more GPs, 20,000 more nurses and 3,000 more midwives. To pay for this we will put a tax on properties worth over £2 million. Despite what Thatcher claimed, there is such a thing as society, and the wealthiest have done the best out of it. It is fair, therefore, that they give back enough to ensure that all of society gets good treatment. Look at it from a broader perspective: the Mansion tax affects 0.5% of the houses in this country, half of which aren't even owned by British citizens, and will bring in an estimated revenue of £1.7 billion. We will guarantee cancer tests will come within a week, and treat mental health with the same seriousness as physical health, in the knowledge that, often, they are inextricably linked. We will abolish zero hours contracts, scrap the bedroom tax, abolish the nondom status and raise the minimum wage to £8 an hour.

Cameron's economic record has hardly been much These are just some of the better. He deplored Darling's ways we will work towards a ‘…you only need to look at the suggestion that we should fairer and more productive halve the deficit by 2015, state of our country. The society. Our other plans are claiming that he could get rid outlined in our manifesto.

Conservatives have failed, the of it altogether. He hasn't even managed to achieve half of Liberal Democrats have failed and In order to make this choice, that - as a share of GDP it UKIP want to blame you only need to look at the simply is not down by half. It state of our country. The was £153 billion in 2010-11, immigrants…’

Conservatives have failed, the and will be £90.2 billion in the Liberal Democrats have failed and UKIP want to blame current tax year. We have the lowest production growth immigrants for structural and financial issues that they since the 1920s. We are £300 billion more in debt than have in no way exacerbated and, in many ways, helped. originally planned. Two-thirds of economists believe I am standing for Labour because I know how great austerity has harmed the economy more than they've Britain can be. And it can be a hell of a lot better than helped it. The Conservatives must face it - the weight this mess. of expert analysis falls against them. Of course, that 2

THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

I

30 April 2015

THE LIBERAL DEMOCRATS: THE PARTY OF THE CENTRE

n this short tract, I will outline why you should vote for the Liberal Democrats this Mock Election, and especially why, if you’re traditionally a Conservative voter.

The Liberal Democrats are a party that put education first. We were responsible for the Pupil Premium introduced by the government, and in the future we want to increase the Pupil Premium for the early years to £1,000 per pupil per year. We also want to help young people by doubling the number of businesses hiring apprentices, and also to insist that every child is taught by a properly qualified teacher.

Eliminating child illiteracy completely is a priority.

The second threat we will have to face as a generation is an inevitable political revolution. The Liberal Democrats are a party that look toward the future; the other parties are blind to this future problem. But it is serious. Global inequality is disastrously large. There are 80 men in the world who hold as much wealth as 3.5 billion other people; that’s half of the world’s population, matched by a number of people equivalent to the size of a Radley boarding house. The recent Occupy protest movement in America, and the current rise in the popularity of left wing parties globally, and particularly in Europe, is indicative of a slowly emerging resentment towards those at the top. In a few decades time, this will be a serious issue, and there will be huge political upheaval. If this happens, people like you will come out the worst off. To prevent this, a vote now for a centrist party like the Liberal Democrats, which will enact fairer policies, and help the weakest in society as well as the richest, would prevent a future political revolution, which would be catastrophic for those who find themselves at the top of society.

So, why us over the others? Read carefully. Our generation will grow up to face, unexpectedly, two big problems. These two problems will be for us to deal with. By voting for the Liberal Democrats, we will launch a pre-emptive strike on these future problems, by taking steps to forestall them now. The first of these problems is Vote for the Liberal Democrats. We will not leave this the threat of our damaged environment: generation with a huge debt to deal with, because we will Climate Change. We are the only main party that has balance the books by 2017/18 by raising money through put this issue at the front of our manifesto. We are very a responsible combination of cuts and taxes, which are concerned about the environment, and about rising necessary. This way, we will keep the economy on the greenhouse gases, for the following reason. There is a road to recovery, whilst at the same time stimulating critical point, a threshold value of greenhouse gases, economic grow which will in turn mean that we will be which if exceeded, will bring about environmental and able to tax less in the future. Alternatively you could vote economic catastrophe. There will come a day when we for the Conservative Party, which would lead to shortwill have pumped so much term chaos and economic CO2 into the atmosphere, recession, because they ‘We will not leave this generation that our planet will be a referendum on irreversibly damaged, and with a huge debt to deal with, because promise our EU membership: the economic activity and we will balance the books by 2017/18 something that as a gesture growth of nations will be is irresponsible, and will by raising money through a completely interrupted by cause disastrous instability forces beyond our control. responsible combination of cuts, and and uncertainty in the This is why we need to markets. And if we do taxes…’ accelerate our move leave Europe, it is towards generating energy estimated by the Centre for Economic Performance that from renewable sources. And even without the threat of our GDP would shrink by nearly 10%, meaning a higher climate change, the economic reasons behind such a deficit, meaning higher taxes for everyone, and more move are also very convincing. Think of the jobs that cuts and austerity. It would also mean months and will be created if we start these building projects, and months, maybe years, of negotiations and campaigning investing in green energy. A move to greener energy and debate, during which the government could be will act as an unprecedented stimulus to our economy. focusing on the economy. And in the long-term, of It is for this reason that the Liberal Democrats would course, a Conservative vote would lead to political introduce a ZERO CARBON BRITAIN ACT, with a revolution, and further chaos. But hey, if that’s what legally binding target of zero greenhouse emissions by floats your boat…

2050. Not only is this achievable, but, unfortunately, we do not have an option.

3

30 April 2015

THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

#TORYFORGLORY y name is Harry Constant, I am the humble deputy to the conservative candidate. I am speaking to you today but I am by no means alone since I am but a minor cog in a complex and welloiled machine composed of some of Radley’s sharpest minds. I refer to the cabinet that has come together in support of our candidate. It is my rare delight to be writing for you all. In essence, by the end of this spiel you will have a pretty good idea of what we aim to accomplish and why it is a good idea to consider voting for us.

M

Our man goes by ‘Oliver Horridge’ among friends but various cults that spring up around him refer to him only as ‘The Olympian’. He is a man whose most common criticism comes from the good KJR: ‘Stop looking pretty, Horridge’. Yet, this fair flower of our nation does not lack for thorns; his wit and razor-sharp intellect have proved the bane of many on the Radley debating floor in days gone by.

Primarily, our ideal is to take the entity that is the United Kingdom and do what we must in order to ensure good-health for the whole body. We do not, as some might have you believe, care for the top 1% of earners but in fact our policies aim to keep the whole in good shape. As such, we plan to scrap vanity projects such as the HS2 fast train so that we might re-direct that money into areas which might benefit a greater majority of the country. Nor do our policies cover only the upper echelons but we aim to increase the lowest tax threshold so that those starting out on their ventures might gain in a more rewarding, and therefore encouraging, way.

Following a consultation with the titan that is Mungo Fawcett, we have various ideas for the education system that we believe will cut unemployment figures and reduce the burden on the benefits system to promote economic growth in our nation. Among them is one policy that we lovingly term ‘Britain Works’ or ‘Brit Works’, if you will.

On the financial front we intend to lower the top rate of income tax to circa 42% so that hard-earned money might stay in the hands of those who gained it through their own dedication and grit. A country is composed of individuals, when a country thrives as individuals then there is benefit to be had for the collective. For it is our opinion that retaining a greater proportion of their own earnings leads the top band of taxpayers to contribute more to the economy in the form of perhaps starting their own companies or in utilising the spare income to provide business for many and various others in Great Britain.

4

It is our dear hope that we might be able to call Britain great again without sneers about how that would appear to be a misnomer. As such it is our intention to raise the percentage of GDP dedicated to the defence of this country to 2.5% so that we might retain our reputation as a legitimate power on the world table. This is of particular importance to our nation given the various crises in the Middle East and the great bear that has awoken from hibernation in Russia. After all, these are only the threats we are already aware of let alone all the unforeseen nightmares that may lurk in wait for the unwary.

On the subject of Russia, the current economic sanctions are hitting their economy hard and therefore we consider that to be the preferable course to pursue at this time.

Whilst I am already talking of foreign policy, it seems appropriate to speak of Europe. It is our party’s goal to renegotiate terms with the EU that are in keeping with the current position of the UK and that might strike a fairer balance of contribution to rewards. We will then grant the British people a referendum on our membership to the EU, because it is their right.

My parting thought for you, good readers, providing you have made it this far, is that Labour sounds too much like hard work when we could in all honesty achieve a better result having suffered less for it than we might under a Labour or a Labour-led coalition government.

For further detail and a full break down of all our policies see our manifesto which will be published soon.

Cabinet Ministers: Prime Minister – Ollie Horridge Deputy Prime Minister – Harry Constant Chancellor – Charlie Bracken Foreign Secretary – Ed Biggart Home Secretary– Charles Stevens Defence Secretary –Henry Tregear Education Secretary – Mungo Fawcett Health Secretary – Finn Salter Justice Secretary – Charlie Stone Business Secretary – Hugo Besley Energy/Climate Secretary – Hal Armstrong International Development Secretary – Harry Lloyd Transport Secretary– Harry Ryan Environment Secretary – Ed Bailey Wales Secretary – Will Greed Chief Secretary to the Treasury - Bertie Maher Attending Cabinet: Party Chairman – Henry Roberts Leader of the House – Charlie Clifton-Brown Director of Communications – Ben Mills

THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

30 April 2015

THE BRITISH EMPIRE PARTY

S

alutations all,

One might have a slight idea on the policies and the ideals of BEP but it is most wise and couth to provide a deeper insight as one would and should be in state of desire to hold an informed view on all parties, including yours truly; BEP, before voting.

The British Empire Party is founded on matters pertaining the views of Imperialisation. Unlike other minority parties, one intends to cover all concerns and streams of policies in an entirely coherentific way.

Naturally, one would not want to exert certain idolisms on a nation and such imperialisation will be an act of the promotion of an autexousious auturgy.

One might wonder what our policies are, where we stand on the political spectrum of today. One may postulate and ponder no longer, as it is our manifesto whence these answers shall reveal themselves to you very shortly.

Whither shall we go first? Perhaps to the issue of health.

Health Issues: All classical ‘values’ of ‘health and safety’ will be abolished as they are pointless and a cynicocracy regarding the competence of the people will not be allowed to return.

The alabandical party of UKIP have covered the idea of National Health Service as opposed to an International Health Service. Alas we disagree with this exclusion of people in need of a Great British service and so we propose to reform this idea. We propose that subjects of Britain should not have to pay for the NHS, people of the Commonwealth and The Empire should pay fifty percent of the postulated fees and that all those who do not include themselves in the afore mentioned categories will be made to pay one hundred percent of the fees via money or labour.

of our strategy. If the answer is that one did not approve of the Empire, one shall exeunt as nothing can be done to save these countries. Our imperialisation shall replace all monetary foreign aid.

Finance Issues: The East Indian Company shall be reinstated, as a company of such magnipotence is a necessary attribute for any state to have.

Tax shall be lowered, benefits will be abolished along with the asinine Mansion Tax. Defence and Offence: Taxes for the rich will be optional and the rest of the Empire will be heavily taxed. 55% of GDP shall go forth into the budget of the military.

Full dress shall be reintroduced and ‘taking the king’s shilling’ along with it. If one was one of more leniency to the left wing ideas, one might have outraged at the seemingly cruel thought of no benefits. Fear not for this is where your anger shall subside. The unemployed have one year, gap year exclusive, to find a job. If one does not meet this requirement, then one shall be forced to choose between a five year conscription, of full pay, of either a military or a factory vocation. Transfers will be allowed in certain circumstances.

Education: Grammar schools will return as one will want to avoid conscription and thus one will need a full education in order to obtain a job. One shall start such schools at thirteen years of age and grade boundaries will be made.

Internal affairs: We shall be in an unequal union with Scotland, Ireland and Wales, we being the senior partner and capital punishment will be a part of an attempt to reduce crime rates.

Hunting will be legalised and One shall, in a fashion suited to the mandatory for all school Foreign Issues: The density of immigration into the UK children, and badgers, ideals of the Empire of old, will be vastly amended as the cormorants, and herons, will colonize and introduce systems of be legal to hunt.

Empire grows without cloakative or superficial rule and democracy.’

HS2 will be abolished. effort for the simple reason All forms of energy including nuclear, coal and oil are that Britain will not be the only MEDC in the limelight. encouraged.

Instead the other countries of the Empire will be in an improved state of such magnitude that all humans of the Finally, all prisoners shall be sent to Australia. world need fear not from the fallaciloquence of the We are counting on your vote, and may God Save the Labour Party and the remarks of apanthropinization Queen. from UKIP as we shall have created an Empire where no-one feels the need to move to other countries for My most humble valedictions, their benefits. One shall, in a fashion suited to the ideals of the Empire of old, colonize and introduce systems of Archigrapher of the British Empire Party rule and democracy. Each country shall, after reform, hold a referendum to show their approval or disproval 5

30 April 2015

THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

WHY BELIEVE IN BRITAIN? WHY VOTE UKIP? any different people have asked me this question multiple times on different occasions. Maybe my patriotism clouds my views or perhaps I was meant to be born in the age of imperialism. But I have discovered it is because I actually believe there is potential in Radley and the United Kingdom, but most politicians seem to be stuck in the dark ages.

M

This new breed of politics can be different. We can get rid of the two parties’ same policies ideology that has been going on for centuries. We are not a revolution.

We are not prejudice. We are merely a party that believes in Britain.

We believe that Europe is wrong. The fact is that the whole idea of paying £55 million a day for a trade agreement when we could get the equivalent to a USA free trading policy is ridiculous. But that’s not all: what you might forget is that around £2.1 million jobs we have lost since the free movement act was passed have only recently been claimed back 40 years on. But what depresses me most about that is that no government has dared question EU regulations, never said no to a regulation from Brussels that would affect our country’s jobs.

We therefore will: 1. Hold an in/out referendum of Europe as soon as possible 2. Go through as many EU regulations in the next five years as we can in order to ensure that they are actually benefiting us 3. Install an Australian point border system 4. Reform the country so that unemployment is 3.4% (the pre-EU rate) by 2024.

Rule Britannia

MEBYON KERNOW: A NEW AGE OF POLITICS

9

8,615.

If I asked you what this statistic represented, what would you say?

The answer is, alarmingly, the average number of people represented by each individual MP in Westminster. This should not be so. In an age of apparent democracy, it is idiotic to suggest that 98,615 people could channel all of their concerns and wishes through one individual.

Contrary to popular belief, ‘Mebyon Kernow’ is not a Cornish Independence party. It is a Cornish Nationalist party which campaigns, simply, for the greater devolution of powers to more local areas. We want a Cornish Assembly where the thoughts of Cornishman can be heard and where locals can make the decisions that affect their day-to-day life. Although Cornish, the party sympathises with the rest of Great Britain and, if elected into parliament, will campaign for constituent assemblies across the rest of the United Kingdom.

Everyone should have a say in the way in which their local area is governed, so it makes no sense for individual constituencies to adhere to policies dreamt up by politicians who are, quite frankly, completely out of touch with the constituencies which their policies can quite damagingly effect.

MPs are so tightly controlled by party politics that a lot of the time they are limited in their influence over key issues, which can severely affect their constituencies.

We want the reestablishment of English Regional Assemblies and the devolution of internal politics from Westminster to these assemblies.

Westminster’s days are numbered. The time of a central government, one of merely 650 representatives for our entire nation, is gone. We need local legislatures that alter politics depending on local issues.

Vote for MK and you will get your piece of England back.

A SHORT MESSAGE FROM THE GREEN PARTY When asking for an article from the Green Party, the Chronicle received the following reply…

‘T

he Green party refuses to have anything published, in order to save trees.’

6

THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

30 April 2015

HUSTINGS IN THE COFFEE SHOP ou always know that an event in the Coffee Shop will be attended when people start piling onto the staircase in order to get a seat. It was no different at the Hustings on Monday 21 April, when all the candidates for the Mock Election presented themselves and their policies to us…

Y

Labour: It was a strong start from Ed Whitbread. Despite there being a strong contingent of the huge Conservative Cabinet in the room, he did not hold back in viciously attacking the other parties. Just like Ed Miliband, he spoke directly down the camera room to Oliver Horridge and gave him a piece of his mind. The tricolon of Equality, Freedom and Fiscal Responsibility summed up “Libertarianism 2.0” (whatever that is).

He mentioned the Budget Responsibility Lock, which means that all promises on the Labour manifesto are audited by the Office for Budget Responsibility, thereby guaranteeing us a manifesto which isn’t hiding a black hole of a few billion pounds. Ed himself admitted that he is surrounded by friends who are millionaires, but despite that compassion and responsibility were necessary in order to create greater equality.

Conservative: Oliver Horridge was very much dressed for the occasion. A large blue tie showed where his allegiances lie and his slicked-back hair rather reminded me of the Prime Minister. And he didn’t have notes. He showed off the ‘good record’ of the Coalition and we were once again bombarded by the ubiquitous phrase ‘strong economic plan’, which Osborne and Cameron seem to say on an almost minutely basis. His defence policy was different from the actual Conservatives, with his committing to spend the recommended percentage of GDP on defence. His boasting of the number of Radleians within the Cabinet was a show of force to the minimal numbers of the other parties. Let’s see whether quality can truly overcome quantity.

Green: Next it was not a tie which burst forth from the speaker, but a large white flower. The Radley Green Party is a self-confessed ‘one-man party’ under the leadership of Charlie Rothbarth. He called for deprivatization, a taxing of McDonald’s and other fast-food outlets and the controversial scrapping of our Trident nuclear deterrent. Such phrases as ‘end austerity’ and ‘a Robin Hood Tax’ were used, but are these really deliverable?

Mr Rothbarth mumbled something towards the end of his speech about having a strong immigration policy,

something which the Green Party’s open-door policy on immigration does not reflect.

Liberal Democrats: Mr Gidopoulos began by persuading the audience that leaving the EU would be a disaster. It would cause ‘two years of uncertainty’ and ‘shrink GDP by 9.5%’. He warned of the trade we would lose, but did not think about the possibility of having a trading agreement with the EU, like Switzerland. He was quick to promote the Liberal Democrats’ large impact on the coalition, providing reliability and stability during the past five years. He seemed to suggest that the Liberal Democrats’ U-turn on Tuition Fees showed that they had a backbone, given the economic situation that we were in at the time. As the party of the centre, the Liberal Democrats was put forward by Mr Gidopoulos as a provider of balance between Labour and the Conservatives.

Mebyon Kernow: Mebyon Kernow is not (at least until Cornwall has the potential ability to stand on its own two feet) a nationalist party. Instead it is for the devolution of power from Westminster to parts of the UK. George Trelawny talked about the London-centric focus of the UK and the need to distribute wealth across the UK. After all, in some parts of the UK, the average income is 75% of the EU average. The eradication of the pasty tax, a tax with a heavy impact on Cornwall and their infamous pasties, would be abolished. Overall, Mr Trelawny had a positive, yet realistic outlook for Cornwall and the UK as a whole, which was welcome among the numerous exaggerations which had come and were to follow.

BEP: This was the one that everyone had been waiting for. A party wanting to spend 55% of GDP on defence and spread democracy and the word of God to all parts of the ‘empire’. Mr Clifton-Brown began by labelling the other candidates as ‘stale’ (Conservatives), ‘Cornish’ (Mebyon Kernow) and ‘Greek’ (Liberal Democrats), adding that he wouldn’t trust a Greek with the British economy. His voice drift more towards Received Pronunciation as the speech went on and a quick excerpt of ‘Rule Britannia’ featured somewhere along the way.

Although perhaps amusing, Mr Clifton-Brown almost became offensive and misconceived when he mentioned rebuilding the Empire ‘one brick, bullet and colony at a time’. The BEP’s attraction for voters across the year groups is its ridiculous and risible policies, but it must remember not to trivialize the atrocities and millions of deaths which occurred at the hands of the British Empire.

7

30 April 2015

THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

RADLEY ELECTION POLL OF POLLS 2015 THE CHRONICLE BRINGS YOU THE LATEST NUMBERS Previously, Editors of the Chronicle had to ask Radleians individually for their answers to question.

Now, with the help of technology, we bring you the first ever poll to be done electronically. Some of the questions have been asked to Radleians in the past; we have reprinted them below with the date and year in which they were previously asked.

1. Would you say that you are interested in Politics?

Jun-05 Yes: 63% No: 37%

Apr-15 Yes: 92.4% No: 7.6%

4. Should we remain in the EU? 27-Apr-15 Yes: 70.6% No: 29.3% 5.

How much should we invest in public services?

27-Apr-15 More: 27.5% Less: 21.4% The same: 51.1% 6. What would your top spending priority be?

2. Who do you think you will vote for at the upcoming Radley Mock Election?

Jun-05 Con: 62% Lab: 21% Lib Dem: 9% None: 9%

Con: Lib Dem: Lab:

Oct-06

Mar-08 Con: 66% Lab: 11% Lib Dem: 22% None: 1%

Radley Result 2010 Con: 47% UKIP: 30% Lib Dem: 16% Lab: 7%

22-Apr-15

91% 5% 4%

28-Apr-15(after Question Time) Con: 34.0% Con: 31.8% Empire: 33.2% Lab: 28.3% Lab: 13.4% Empire: 25.9% Lib Dem + UKIP: 6.5% UKIP: 7.0% Green and M K: 6.0% M K: 5.9% Lib Dem: 4.2% Green: 3.2% 3. Who would be your second choice?

27-Apr-15 (before Question Time) Conservatives: 28.2% Empire: 18.9% UKIP: 14.3% Liberal Democrats: 13.8% Labour: 12.6% Mebyon Kernow: 8.4% Green Party: 3.8%

8

27-Apr-15 NHS: 25.0% Education: 36.3% Defence: 18.4% Welfare: 11.3% Pensions: 3.1% Other: 5.9% 7. Do you think that Scotland should be fully independent from the rest of the United Kingdom?

Jun-07 Yes: 70% No: 30%

27-Apr-15 Yes: 16.4% No: 73.8%

8. Did Question Time change your vote?

Yes: No:

49.8% 50.2%

9. Which candidate won the debate?

Whitbread: Clifton-Brown: Horridge: Dillon-Robinson: Gidopoulos: Trelawny: Rothbarth:

63.6% 16.8% 8.6% 6.7% 4.3% 3.8% 1.4%

THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

POLL RESULTS ANALYSIS ow, I may not be Nick Robinson, but I do know when to get excited about the results of political polls; we are now able to bring you results to one decimal place, when previously we were all about integers. The set of results on the opposite page highlight a shift of opinion in certain areas and a predictable lack of change in others.

N

It seems that, ever since the Scottish Independence referendum last year, the general interest in Politics among the public has increased, which we can see from the set of answers in Question 1.

Radley remains a Conservative stronghold, although over the past few years its iron grip on Radleians has begun to loosen. This is, however, probably down to the emergence of minor parties, such as BEP, Mebyon Kernow and the Green Party, at this election.

That said, looking at Question 8, 9 and the most recent poll (at time of printing), you can see that Question Time has had a large impact. Almost 50% of those who attended changed their mind because of it, and the sublime performance of Ed Whitbread seems to have made a difference. But will Radleians put personality and policy before party? OK, Mr Whitbread might be a good debater, but does that really mean that we are going to give up the Conservatism that courses through our veins because of a debate we watched which featured him?

The real question is whether Labour can convert Whitbread’s debating strengths into actual votes. It is interesting to note the Mr Horridge has come away from Question Time with rather more cuts and bruises that he was hoping, but will that really make a difference?

Question 6 digs deep into the personal opinions of those who took the poll and reveals what they hold dearest to them. Some are looking far (or perhaps not very far) into the future, at life after work. It is interesting to see that, although we at Radley may not be affected by what happens in the State Education sector, it is there that we want money to be invested. The NHS, something which we all use, came second.

30 April 2015 stance towards Europe, the membership of which is overwhelmingly endorsed in question 4, will change as we get to know the arguments more.

Thank you to all those who took the time to participate in the survey and to TCL and RKM for their time in creating it and sending it out.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US The Chronicle celebrates its 10th Birthday on 6th May 2015. We have spent 10 years providing you with opinion, satire, polls and a seemingly endless amount of Overheards from around the College since our first ever issue. Many of the characteristic features of the newspaper were in place from the start – the distinctive and somewhat old-fashioned two-column format and the logo on the front page.

There has been a policy of anonymous articles from the start, in the tradition of the original Radleian, Harrovian, and similar school newspapers and it must be said that this has attracted criticism, so much so in fact that this warranted an article ‘In Defence of Anonymity’ on the cover of the Gaudy issue 2005. We will once again bring you that article.

We are looking to recruit Editors and Assistant Editors to write, review, commission, edit, proof-read, work on the page layouts and our intranet editing site; there are great opportunities to get early experience of journalism, editing, managing writers and seeing your own work in print regularly. Please contact ISY (a founding father of the Chronicle), CESM or any of our Editors if you would like to get involved in some way – all are welcome, from the Shells upwards.

Now, with a very special 10th Anniversary Issue, we will remind you of (and also bring to you for the first time) the finest pieces ever to have graced the hallowed yellow pages of Radley’s longest-running, solely boyrun publication, with numbers from our 10-year history (such as Overheards published, and the word count of longest rant ever written on the secretive Chronicle Courseforum site) in all their glory.

We hope that you will enjoy them.

That is not say that we are against spending money on public services like the NHS. In fact, over a quarter of us think that we should put more into public service.

Half of us would like to almost ring-fence public spending, something which the parties like to say that they’re so that they can look like their tackling the deficit while not cutting essential public services.

As mentioned above, it seems that the Scottish Referendum has had an impact on opinion with regard to Scotland. Is it because we now know more about the debate after so much in-depth analysis last year? If so, with a possible referendum on the horizon, perhaps our 9

30 April 2015

THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

QUESTION TIME MONDAY APRIL 27 – NEW THEATRE

T

he Radley Mock Election has been an enthralling event so far; it is extremely refreshing for a school event to put a significant amount of power and freedom into the boys’ hands, as many parties attempt to cover, with campaign posters, as much of the surface area of the school as they can get away with.

Following each leader’s brief outline of their party manifesto in the Coffee Shop, a poll was conducted by TCL – the results of which were not hugely surprising: the Tories led with 34%, followed closely by the Empire party on 33.2%; Labour led the losers’ brigade on 13.4%, followed by the Lib Dems and UKIP on 6.5% and the Greens and Mebyon Kernow on 6.0% (you can get the results of the other polls and incisive analysis on page 8). However, the party leaders had hardly a chance to flex their muscles in a couple of minutes, so we could only really expect an account of the pre-existing political views at Radley. Question Time in the New Theatre, streamed live to the world, would be the real moment for any party to make it or break it. ‘of course the

George Trelawney for Mebyon Kernow (Sons of Cornwall) considered himself a Frodo Baggins – on a mighty quest to take back a country ruled by an evil force. Being a proud Cornish man himself, he recognised that independence for the county was a long shot, and instead focused on policies that would bring greater devolution and more power to local authority for areas to govern themselves. George made a convincing and coherent argument; proposing that there is too much diversity in public services across the country and that giving areas the right to govern themselves would allow them better suited policies. A libertarian’s dream, with the campaign’s tagline: ‘An Englishman’s home is his castle.’

Charlie Rothbarth stated boldly his role for the Green party was as Treebeard – protecting the country’s forest from the evil Lord Sauron and ‘opening the flood gates to wash the capitalists away.’ Although Charlie had the lowest word count of the leaders that evening, answering questions multiple times with ‘yes’, he spoke most privileged with thought and clarity – should give the most back to the although perhaps with views country…for the poor it’s a matter that Natalie Bennett may not have agreed with herself, such of life and death, for us it’s a as a slightly bizarre proposal matter of Val d’Isere or Verbier.’ to increase drone warfare.

The event took the traditional format of the BBC night-time show: the Warden acting as chairman with the seven candidates either side of him.

TCL leapt around the audience with a microphone for those asking the preselected questions. As a means of summary, the final question, put forward the Politics Department, was: if you were one Lord of the Rings character, who would you be?

Archie Clifton-Brown for the British Empire Party was the first to answer: Lord Sauron, he replied - a powerful leader to rule his mighty kingdom. Given his absurd policies, Archie put on arguably strong performance of the evening, displaying sharply and eloquently his ‘common sense’ rhetoric, with a brilliantly entertaining theatrical style and plenty of anecdotal evidence as back up – dismissing Yannis Gidopoulos’ claim that HSBC were considering relocating as a response to the EU referendum after ‘he had lunch with a banker’ the day before. A well-thought out and comprehensive manifesto was also evident, as he gave his party’s stance not just on world conquest, but also health policy: proposing to privatise all public services, ‘apart from the odd school,’ and allow only fully British citizens to have free healthcare. When he was asked how they would fund this - given the fact they would spend 55% of their budget on defence - he cleverly replied ‘most of the population are technically just subjects, not citizens, anyway.’ He concluded by telling the boys to vote BEP ‘if they truly love their country.’

10

George Dillon-Robinson replied with a rather more obscure Aomer, Lord of the Riders of Rohan – a patriotic knight who leaves Rohan (the UK) after being surrounded by the country ruled by Mordor (Brussels).

George made it quite clear that he didn’t like Brussels having a say in British domestic policy, he represents a party of realism, not xenophobia, and finds it abhorrent that we pay £59 million a day for our place in the EU when we could be trading with the entire world.

However, when asked to raise their hands by the Warden, the majority of boys agreed that there should be an EU referendum, but would vote against leaving if we did have one. This would explain their place in the polls.

Yannis Gidopoulos didn’t tie into any Liberal Democrat argument as to why he would be Dain II Ironfoot, but he did suggest that Horridge should be Gandalf – ‘as he’s going to need some sort of magic’ to sort out the Conservatives’ £20 million ‘black hole’ in their budget.

Yannis gave a typical slick and intelligent performance, playing perfectly to the role of ‘giving a heart to the Tories and a brain to Labour’. In this manner he focused on the humanitarian side of issues such as immigration - suggesting a time when 1,375 Syrians have died trying to get to Western Europe is not a time for xenophobia and displaying a sensible rationalistic approach on

THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE economic issues such as the EU – stressing the fact that leaving could shrink our economy by 9.5% and create chaos in the markets. It’s a shame that many of his points were drowned out by laughter at DillonRobinson’s disagreeing facial expressions on the screen – it was a wise move from whichever cameraman panned away from him.

Ollie Horridge saw his role in the Conservative party as the Elvish knight Elrond – fighting through the battlefield with his common sense policies and longterm economic plan, which has proved time after time to be successful. In true Tory style he backed up his points with convincing evidence and impressive proposals, such as to completely end debt by the next parliament. Ollie noted that the IMF has labelled Britain’s economy as the fastest growing in the Western world as a result of Conservative policy. He also emphasised the fact that countries with previous socialist governments, such as Spain and Greece, were now economically the worst off, and the French – under Hollande – are migrating to London.

The final candidate to speak was Ed Whitbread, comparing himself to Samwise Gamgee – ‘the one who

30 April 2015 always sticks up for the little guy.’ Ed, in my opinion, was by far the most impressive candidate of the night.

To receive the most spontaneous applause as Labour candidate in a room almost entirely composed of Tories is an incredible feat. The boys began to hiss loudly as he mentioned mansion tax, he responded with ‘of course the most privileged should give the most back to the country [to fund the NHS] – for the poor it’s a matter of life and death, for us it’s a matter of Val d’Isere or Verbier.’ Turning boos and hisses into laughter and applause in a matter of seconds is testament to his unparalleled skill as a speaker. His arguments were convincing and he delivered them with brute force, claiming ‘I’m not running for Labour despite my background, but because of my background’ and concluding with ‘a condition of truth is to allow suffering to speak – I listened, and it’s speaking vote Labour.’

The Warden encouraged everyone to vote not just based on who you most agree with, but to also take into account who has done the best campaign. Whatever the final result is, I don’t believe it’s going to be as predictable as we once thought.

INDEX What’s it all about?

1

Why Vote Labour?

2

The Liberal Democrats: The Party Of The Centre

3

#ToryforGlory

4

The British Empire Party

5

Why believe in Britain? Why vote UKIP?

6

Mebyon Kernow: A New Age of Politics

6

A Message from the Green Party

6

Hustings in the Coffee Shop

7

Poll of Polls

8

Happy Birthday to Us

9

Question Time

10

EDITORS

ASSISTANT EDITORS

Joshua Dernie (A), Yannis Gidopoulos (E), Alexander Grant (E), Felix Barbour (F), Edward Whitbread (H), Mr Charles Scott-Malden and Mr Ian Yorston

Matthew Isles (A), Arthur Dingemans (C), Alex McGee (F), Christoph Wallendahl (F), Henry Tregear (G), George Eaton (H), Charles Saunders (H), Edward Walker (H), Joshua Bowesman-Jones (J) and Bernard White (K)

Contributions and correspondence on any topic are welcomed from all current or former members of the Radley community: please be the first to send to chronicle@radley.org.uk or to ‘The Editors, The Chronicle, Radley College, Abingdon, Oxon. OX14 2HR’. © Radley College 2015. Printed by Radley Reprographics

11

Please recycle the Chronicle once you have finished reading it – either by leaving your copy in a good condition for others to read, or by putting it in a paper recycling bin.

Writers and Artists wanted: We are always open for new members. If you think that you might be able to read, write or count then please do not hesitate to email chronicle@radley.org.uk, CESM, ISY , or, if you are feeling particularly adventurous, one of our Editors (previous page in case you were wondering).