It's No Big Deal- A Conversation on Non Binary Identity

IT’S NO

A conversation on non-binary identity

RaeZor Beam

BIG DEAL

I

Content Warning: This zine has disucssions of suicide and hate crimes.

Dedication: To my mother, whose daughter I’ll never be, but who continues to prove to me that people of all generations can learn and grow with each other.

To Mesha Caldwell, Jamie Lee Wounded Arrow, Jojo Striker, Jaquarrius Holland, Keke Collier, Ciara McElveen, and the other trans women of color who have been murdered in 2017. You are deeply missed and deeply loved.

II

1

INTRODUCTION Hi. My name is Rae. I’m coming out to you as a non-binary trans person. Right here. Right now.

Being non-binary means that a person identifies outside of the binary system of gender (man and woman). This is a really big umbrella term, and under it you can find identities such as agender (no gender), genderqueer (both or neither gender), and gender fluid (gender identity consistently changes).

My non-binary identity means that I don’t really feel like either a man or a woman. Sometimes I find myself in between the two, but usually outside of it

It means that I often feel confusion or anxiety when someone someone calls me a woman. It means that I long to pack (to wear a prosthetic phallus under underwear) and wear short skirts. It means I call my body parts different things at different times, and that each of these namings is just as valid as the others. And it means that I feel the most liberated and at peace when the people I love affirm my gender, use my correct pronouns, and celebrate the diverse readings and celebrations of my body.

I find coming out a complicated process. If a trans man does not come out of the closet, does that make him any less trans? And if I make the choice to not come out publically due to issues like familial support, does this negate my trans identity? Or better yet, does it negate the deep connections I still have with my family? Coming out is not the end all be all to the experience of identity. Before you read this, I was trans. For those who will never read this, I still remain trans.

I want to move past this notion of ‘coming out,’ and instead, ask you to come in. This zine is an invitation to my life, and a proposition to make other’s lives better. I am so proud of my transness, within the complexity and fluidity of it. I’ve heard the phrase “people see what they want to see.”

What I’m asking from you is to see and acknowledge me in the ways that I see myself.

Right now, I’m working to create the world I want to live in. I’m creating a place where I am recognized and respected. Where people aren’t killed because of transphobia (the hatred or fear of trans people). Where people are not denied medical treatment based on their gender identity. I am doing this by having this conversation with you. By the end of it, you may have picked up some new terminology, some new ways to look at the world, and perhaps a new way of understanding yourself.

2

3

PRESENTATION I want to begin by clarifying a popular conflation between presentation and identity. This non-binary bitch does not identify as a man or a woman. This has nothing to do with how feminine I am or how masculine I present myself one day, it is based on my personhood and how I understand my identity.

I do not have the “I was trapped in the wrong body” narrative. My gender can be found in the community I felt with feminine and flamboyant men like Kevin Barnes (Of Montreal) and Prince. It was in people like these that I was able to see that hybrids of manhood and femininity identities existed. And now that I am older, I see these moments of longing and self recognition.

I also want to talk about how I present my body and the clothes that I wear. Presentation, or the way that a person wears clothes, hair, make up, etc, does not dictate their gender. For example, there was a point in which I almost exclusively wore shorts and crop tops. And in these moments, I wasn’t seeing myself as a woman or a man. I saw myself moving completely outside of it.

Or better yet, there are many people who believe that masculine women, sometimes called butch or stud, are not really women. And this is not true! Masculinity does not invalidate a woman’s gender, nor does femininity invalidate a man’s. And my presentation can never invalidate my gender. No matter what I’m wearing, if it’s a suit or if it’s lipstick, long hair or short hair, I am still non-binary.

BONUS FEATURE!! If you want to learn more about butch babes, fierce femmes, and everything in between this is the book for you

4

5

TRANSITION For family members and loved ones, a trans person’s transition can be a source of anxiety. There is a fear that a person that they felt they knew is now lost, gone, and that’s all that’s left is a stranger. They feel that transition is a death.

Perhaps this is because there are so many definitions of transition. Some understand a transition to be the completion of a surgery. Some understand it to be taking hormones. Most understand it to be some sort of radical change in a person’s exterior appearance, and the creation of a different person.

Transition can look like many things. There can be social transition, which might be changing things like a name or a pronoun. There can also be legal transition, which can be something like changing a birth certificate. Usually a transition is just a change to allow someone to be more content around their gender identity. And this is nothing to be afraid of.

My transition is not a death. My transition is the creation of a new life.

I’m finally allowing myself to wear clothing that feels good to my body.

I’m getting haircuts that I love, and finding ways to live my life in an affirming way.

There are many binary (male or female) trans people who decide to medically or hormonally transition to feel comfortable in their physical appearance. And just those who experience their gender within the binary, there are many non-binary trans people who chose to transition with surgeries or hormones. There are so many various ways that trans people may decide to take agency over their bodies, and ensure that they are comfortable and confident in their bodies.

However, the understanding of transition should not be fixated on the medicalization of trans bodies. A trans person’s transition or identity is not validated by a surgery, or by taking hormones. There are so many folks who don’t any surgeries, who don’t want any changes in their bodies, and just want the world to respect who they are.

Maybe a transition looks like someone changing their name. Or their pronouns. They might be changing the way that they’re dressing, or their mannerisms. And all of these are amazing transitions that they are allowed to take.

Who knows where my transition will take me? Even I don’t. But I hope I continue to shift and change in the ways that I need to

6

7

PRONOUNS Many people use pronouns to express their gender identity. For example, if you are someone who enjoys people referring to you as “him,” it may be confusing or frustrating to hear someone call you “her.” The same occurs for everyone’s pronouns. Trans people, just like everyone, use pronouns to help align with our identities.

I use “they/them/their” pronouns. I like these pronouns because they help to represent the way I understand myself, and how I like to be reflected in the world. When my friends use “they” pronouns for me, it makes me feel loved, heard, and at home in my body and with myself.

How might you these pronouns in a sentence?

“Have you seen Rae’s new black glitter lipstick? It’s an interesting look for them.”

“When is Rae coming to the bookstore? I hope they’re not late.”

“I should give Rae back their 3,000 page book on Black speculative fiction.

I remember the first time I learned about gender neutral pronouns. It definitely felt awkward to say, but it then opened the door to understanding that there are more than two genders. However, it is important to understand that some people use he/him/ or she/her pronoun and still identity as non-binary. This does not negate their gender identity at all!

There are many reasons to use a wide range of pronouns, and each one is completely valid. I use “they/them” pronouns to create space for myself and my gender in the world.

If you’re not sure of someone’s pronouns, there are two main ways to piece it together. The first is by taking social cues. If you’re getting to know someone and one of their friends is using “he” pronouns when you thought that “she” should have been used, follow the friend! Another way is to just remember that it never hurts to ask!

However, understand that people may use different pronouns in different spaces. In spaces like work, or around family, always follow the person’s lead. This may mean that you don’t use any pronouns for this person at all, or use pronouns that they don’t use in their private life. Always respect a person’s safety, as unemployment is a very real possibility for most trans people.

If you need to practice my pronouns, or another person’s pronouns, there’a great website called practicewithpronouns.com that can help you out!

8

9

GENDERED LANGUAGE Outside of pronouns, general language is another way to consider how to make your nonbinary friends and loved ones feel comfortable. When thinking about how to make the world safer and more comfortable for people across the gender spectrum, one way to do this is to think about gendered language. Examples of gendered language include things like “ladies and gentlemen,” and “Mr. and Miss.” Some people consider being called “girl” or “dude” to be gendered; others find it to be neutral.

Again, the easiest way to know how someone feels about this is to simply ask!

Here’s an example of what that’s looked like in my own life: one of my dearest friends at one point asked me if it was still ok to call me “bitch.”

And it was really amazing for her to ask, because she knew that this was language that was usually gendered, and decided to check it to make sure that it wasn’t harmful to me. And being called a “bitch” among friends feels absolutely fine! Especially from those who know that I am nonbinary and respect and support my identity. My partner and I still identify as “dykes,” but other times I see myself as a gay man. I feel fine about being called “dude,” but there are many people around me who really don’t like being called it! The best way to know if someone is comfortable with gendered language being used for them is to ask.

Here are some examples of gendered language:

“Ladies/gentleman” “Sister/Brother”

“Daughter/Son” “Mr./Mrs.” “Mom/Dad”

And here are some ways that you can talk about me in the future: Sibling Child/kid Person Parent

10

11

GENDER DYSPHORIA You may have heard of the really common trans narrative- “I always felt like I was trapped in the wrong body.” Usually, these people are describing a history of body dysphoria, which is the discomfort of one’s body in relation to their gender identity.

Body dysphoria is just one type of trans experience. For example, this is not my experience. For me, childhood was incredibly non-gendered.

I lived with a mother who forced no gender norms on me. I only felt dysphoria when I was forced to get my hair done or dress in particular ways. And as I got older, I realized that I wasn’t growing into a woman, but something else entirely. This does not mean I want to get rid of my femininity, but am instead becoming someone new.

I’d also like to take a moment to point out that even if I had felt like a woman at some point, and moved towards a different gender identity, this would not negate my trans identity. Gender fluidity is a gender identity that changes over time. This never negates the various genders that a person has experienced and will continue to experience.

Identifying as trans doesn’t necessarily mean that you hate your body.

There are so many women with penises, so many men with vaginas, and so many people with different bodies who absolutely love their bodies and do not want to change it.

There is a wide range of dysphorias that one can experience. For example, people can experience social dysphoria, which is the discomfort of how a person is being read socially. This is the type of dysphoria that I experience the most.

When I am ‘read as a woman,’ this can mean a number of things. It can be the tone of voice that people use to address me, which changes depending on what gender is perceived. It can be moments when I’m feeling the most beautiful combination of genders, and someone clearly only perceives a womanhood that isn’t there. Being read as a woman makes me incredibly anxious. And it’s frustrating because I deserve to live in a world that is not draining to my mental health.

The social dysphoria I experience has nothing to do with how I see myself, but instead is due to the perceptions folks gathers from my body.

For more reading about people who move outside of “the wrong body” narrative, you can google “Telling Trans Stories Beyond ‘Born in the Wrong Body,’” and read conversations between trans writers, thinkers, and activists Meredith Talusan, Tiq Milan, Jacob Tobia, and Nico Fonseca.

!!

E R

TU gave A E that F S ic

U mus trans s N s BO Tran me eling fe

12

13

Artwork by Micah Bazant

TRANSPHOBIA There are so many beautiful things about trans identity, but it can also be dangerous. It reminds me of the complexities of my Black identity.

There is so much pride and power in Black history, and yet death always seems imminent in my community. It can feel the same way in the trans community.

For example, if I want to pack, and wear a skirt and a crop top, this could put me in danger of violence and harassment on the streets as someone who is gender nonconforming. Or if a trans woman is seen as visibly trans in public, they could also face violence. I’ve even had friends who are on the butch side of the spectrum be threatened by police, stating that they need a ‘good man to fuck the dyke out of them.’

Violence against the trans and gender nonconforming community is very prominent. In this zine it’s important to discuss not only my identity, but the ways you can make the world safer for trans people. And one way to start is by understanding transphobia.

A simple definition of transphobia is the fear and/or hatred of trans people. Transphobia can manifest in self in large ways like the large amount of murders of trans people world wide. Within the first two months of 2015, 7 trans women of color were murdered1. And these are just the people who are being identified as transgender after their deaths. Often times when trans people are murdered, news sources use incorrect names and genders, so it is difficult to get an accurate estimate.

14

15

Transphobia can be found in the suicides of young people like trans rights activist Blake Brockington, who was 18 when he committed suicide. In the 2011 National Transgender Discrimination Survey, researchers found that 41% of transgender and gender nonconforming people had attempted suicide, compared to the national average of 4.1%2.

Transphobia can also be found in everyday actions. Refusing to refer to someone by their name or pronouns is an act of transphobia. 14 year old Kyler Prescott committed suicide in a hospital because medical staff continued to misgender him3. To misgender someone is to use language that does not correctly reflect the person’s gender identity.

It is stories like these that make the annual Trans Day of Remembrance [Nov. 20] important. This day honors all of the trans people that that we know of have died throughout the year, and all of those we do not know.

In making the world safer for me, and my community, here are some common examples of transphobia (that you should avoid and/or speak out on):⁴ -The belief that trans women/men are not real women/ men -Refusing to use the correct name of a trans person -Asking about the genitalia of trans people -Believing that trans women are trying to ‘trick’ cisgender men -The belief that non-binary identities are invalid -Using slurs such as “t****y, “shemale,” “hermaphrodite,”

etc (unless of course they ask you to!)

-Asking people questions like:

-What’s your real name?

-Are you a girl or a boy?

-What are you really?

- Using “It” or “he-she” (if these are not the person’s pronouns) These are just a few of the many ways that transphobia is happening daily. For more information about how to work in solidarity of other trans people, please visit the website transwhat.org.

16

17

Artwork By Anders Villalta

18

19

EPILOGUE- WHAT’S NEXT? Now that I’ve invited you into my very queer and very content life, I want you to help me continue to create a world that is safe for me and my community members.

If someone (who is NOT my family member or a coworker) uses my wrong pronouns, correct them. You can say “actually, Rae uses they/them pronouns!” This could be a great time to share what you’ve learned from this zine. By doing this you are not only validating my existence, but also making the world safer for all of the beautiful trans folks who deserve to live fearlessly! This should not be a shameful process. Take some time to explain the gender things I’ve shared with you, and the ones you may look up in the future.

You can also talk to your loved ones about transphobia, and inspect the transphobia you may have internalized yourself. Donate financially to trans people who are in need of assistance. Stand up for communities that are being targeted by violence. Stop inflicting violence on other trans people in your day to day life.

Make the world better for trans people every day.

Artwork by Micah Bazant

20

21

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES Books: Gender Outlaw: the Next Generation Kate Bornstein + S. Bear Bergman Trans Bodies Trans Selves Laura Erickson-Schroth Nobody Passes Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore Persistence- All the way Butch and Femme Ivan Coyote + Zena Sharman Stone Butch Blues Leslie Feinberg Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars Kai Cheng Thom Whipping Girl Julia Serino Online Comics: Assigned Male Comics Sophie Labelle Grease Bats Anna Bongiovanni GQutie! Ronnie Rene Ritchie Articles: Telling Trans Stories Beyond ‘Born in the Wrong Body Tiq Milan, Meredith Talusan, Jacob Tobia, Nico Fonseca Not Born this Way: On Transitioning as a Transwoman Who Has Never Felt “Trapped in the Wrong Body” Kai Cheng Thom 10 Myths About Non-Binary People It’s Time to Unlearn Adrian Ballou Websites: Transwhat.org Svlp.org Podcasts: GenderCast Beyond Masculinity

CITATIONS 1. Michaels, Samatha. “It’s incredibly scary to be a transgender woman of color right now.” Mother Jones. (2015) 2. Ford, Zach. “No, High Suicide Rates Do Not Demostrate That Transgender People Are Mentally Ill.” Think Progress. (2015) 3. Schwartz, Rafi. “Mother of Trans Boy Who Killed Himself Sues Hospital For Allegedly Misgendering Him Repeatedly.” Fusion.

(2016) 4. “Tackling Transphobia,” Cambridge University Student’s Union Campaign for LGBT+ students, accessed January 23, 2016. http:// www.lgbt.cusu.cam.ac.uk/resources/trans/tackling-transphobia/

22

THANKS! Many thanks to Anders Villalta for the beautiful spread on pages 17-18.

Thanks to all of my loved ones who read the many many drafts, gave me edits, and gave me advice.

And thanks to all the trans folks I admire who keep working to create a better future.

Especially when that means simply living.

Contact me: raezorbeamdreams@gmail.com Follow me: raezorbeamdreams.tumblr.com