BY BO LOZOFF chapter 1 1
EXTRACT FROM
JUST ANOTHER SPIRITUAL BOOK
Dear Bo, I am confused. I am going to be 20 next month, and serving two life sentences for homicide. I was busted at 17 of age. Since I came to prison I have been engaged in a conscious search for truth. I have found that it can’t be found by looking outside but by looking inside. I have also come to the conclusion that there is only one basic undisputable truth: I Am. I am a part of a greater consciousness or life than this body or mind. So, all this is nice but when I came to this realization via a practice of yoga and meditation which I learned in the martial arts, I thought I was really getting somewhere. Way of the Heart
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Then I was given your book, Lineage and Other Stories it totally blew my mind. The story about the preacher’s visit from Christ... I wish I could describe what I want to say. This may take a little while to explain. Please bear with me. I spent the last six months in I.M.U. (Intensive Management Unit) for refusing to go to P.O. This gave me plenty of time for meditation as I was locked down 23 hours per day. Now I gave in and am in P.C. – a very big blow to my pride. I promised myself I would never be in P.C. Ever. But this is just something I will have to learn to live with. Not to mention all the snitches in here. I grew up as an only child with parents who were fanatically over-zealous in their faith. They believed in hellfire and brimstone Christianity to the point of hypocrisy. It became abusive. The abuse and mixed signals of love-violence fucked my head up really good, or bad, but I’ve come to understand and resolve the futility of that conflict. Unfortunately, I had to come to prison for killing two people before this happened. Now here’s where my confusion kicks in. I’ve been learning the martial arts from another inmate and have become pretty fair at what I know, but I am beginning to question my Sensei’s teachings. He sees, as you, that all major beliefs point to the same thing, which is unity or self or whatever terminology you prefer. He combines certain aspects of Zen, Tao, Hinduism, Buddhism and others, and rejects Christianity as a manmade religion to con-trol people by teaching obedience and pacifism. I agree with this, yet I find certain aspects of Christianity to be truthful. So, the logical conclusion is that Christ most likely did teach real truths based on his personal enlightenment, but these teachings seem to have been distorted since then. But I have this question about deity. Christ is supposed to have said that we are “Gods and sons of Gods...” So I figure he’s referring to the existence of God in me or me as a part of the overall energy or spirit. Maybe. My Sensei takes it a bit further. He believes we are gods in a more literal sense, and we must rise above this place, these circumstances, and emotions and all that would entrap us and keep us from our full potential, not just on earth but forever. This also makes sense to me. But am I to worship the all seeing, all knowing One? Some-thing inside me tells me that this is not required (maybe pride?). Let me put it this way. I AM. God said the same to Moses. I AM. We are. Therefore, I am, Christ was and is, God is, and we are. See what I mean? I AM me, Christ, God, you and everyone else. I really felt that this could be what the Masters meant when they spoke of Godrealization, but now I’m not sure. 62
Volume 13
| Issue 3
My disagreement with my Sensei’s teaching stems from the fact that when I think of Christ and what he did, or tried to do, on Earth in relation to my own life, I get this feeling in my chest, an excitement that electrifies my whole body. I have an extremely strong sense of destiny, a higher cause that I am a part of here on earth. Not an idea, but knowledge as though I had scientific proof. But I have none. I have felt this since I was a young child. I was about eight years old when I first recognized this and at the time I believed I was called to preach the Bible. But now that I’m older, I simply cannot accept all that the Bible teaches. Yet I still feel the same. Many times I’ve had people who don’t know me tell me that I’m a leader, and am going to accomplish something great. Am I suffering from delusions of grandeur? I know that whatever it is I am to do, it is of no credit to me for I myself am nothing. Damn, don’t think I’m making any sense. I hope this conveys what I’m trying to say. I have a minimum of 40 years to serve with good times. But I somehow know that this is not what lies in my future. I don’t know, man. I think I sound like I’m on medication. Do you have any advice to share? It would truly be appreciated. Incidentally, I know I’m not ready to get out despite my growth over the past three years. I’ve much to learn and if I do have to spend my life in prison, I have fully accepted that. I know I can be content and grow no matter what my surroundings are. Your story about the preacher A Matter of Choice, man, that stirred up something on the inside of me. I don’t know how to explain it. I guess I’ve rambled on enough for now. Take care, R. *** Dear R, Well, that was about the most impressive letter I’ve ever received from a nineteen- year-old. Yes, you do have a lot of understanding and insights which can make your life a spiritual success even if you have to do your forty years day for day. You’ve had an unusually hard beginning, but you’re doing a great job of turning it around. It’s like you had a load of shit dumped on you, then you rolled around in it for awhile because you didn’t know any better, and now you’ve cleaned yourself off and are ready to make great fertilizer out of it. I’m glad to know you. Way of the Heart
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But as far as providing answers to your questions about the “I AM” and so forth, I’m reminded of the time somebody asked the great sage Ramana Maharshi, “Will meditation answer all my questions?” And the sage replied, “No, but it will destroy the questioner.” For the state of realization, or freedom, that you and I want, the conceptual questions you’re wrestling with are off the mark. A certain degree of spiritual understanding may be important to get us pointed inward, but you’re way past that stage. Now it’s a matter of letting go of such abstract and complicated ideas, and paying more attention to the roach crawling across your floor, or how the sky looks today, or whether you have kindness in your heart for the snitches in p.c. What you and I both want is not to become spiritual scholars, but to slowly surrender into an experience of freedom which can only come when we have let go of all concepts. It’s hard to reach not because it’s so complicated; it’s hard to reach because it’s so profoundly simple – experiencing bare reality, without putting on it any of our emotional, psychological, or intellectual overlays. So if you’re asking for a teaching, the one I’m giving you is this: Conscientiously let go of those biggest ideas every time they come into your head, and return your attention to the present moment. Someday you’ll begin experiencing the present moment as much bigger than you had ever imagined, containing all the high states of realization and consciousness you wondered about. When you’re deeply affected by something like my short story, don’t “think” about what it means to you, but feel it instead. Don’t try to understand it, but rather let the feeling sink deeper and deeper into your heart in a quiet and patient way. Let it affect your life instead of your mind. Just watch yourself changing in the ways you think, feel, and act in your everyday life. That’s when all the biblical promises come true, like “when the two shall become one,” and “when the inside becomes like the outside and the outside like the inside,” and “Know the truth, and the truth shall set you free”, and “when thine eye be single, thy body will be full of light” and so forth. Not from understanding more, but from giving up all understandings and offering ourselves so fully to this one present moment of life, that we are no longer separate from the I AM we were looking for. I love you, little brother. Be patient and grow into a mighty eagle. Bo. www.humankindness.org ❂ 64
Volume 13
| Issue 3