BY GENE THOMPSON chapter 1
CREATING MALE FEMALE BALANCE IN YOUR LIFE I began my journey in the study of emotional healing and consciousness in the late seventies. This work took a giant leap forward in 1981 when I spent almost a month with Paul Solomon in Virginia in the United States. It is as if Paul has been my spiritual mentor for this lifetime. His teaching touched the core of my being and it feels like he has never left me. As a result my counseling became more wholistic. As I came to believe that spirituality includes all aspects of life I wondered how sexuality fitted into the picture. I attended my first tantra workshops in the early nineties, and then studied the works of Dr Stephen Chang in the Tao of Sexology and Mantak Chia in the Taoist Secrets of Love. My experience over the years, after reading various books by Western Sexologists, has been that the Taoist approach to sexuality has been the most comprehensive and inclusive of spirituality. Last year I attended Love and Ecstasy Training workshops in France with Margot Anand, leading tantra teacher in the Western world. The approach to love-making that has resonated most profoundly with me has been that of Diana Richardson after reading her book The Heart of Tantric Sex. One of the people who inspired Diana Richardson in her approach was Barry Long with his teachings and book, Making Love. Barry was an Australian who lived on the Gold Coast and died in 2003. Without exception, every person who reads this book is deeply moved Way of the Heart
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and relieved to discover that there is a way to make love that takes a man and a woman beyond the physical experience to something that touches the heart of their very being. Three of my friends and I met for dinner recently and the host couple who are committed to revitalizing their love life by giving up ‘the need to get, or do, or accomplish something’ in their love-making courageously shared their personal experience of that morning. They told how he awoke fired up and ready to accomplish the many tasks of the day. As he arose he turned to look back at his partner and decided that having a cuddle might be a good way to start their day together. Naturally enough, passion started to arise however his partner was more committed to exploring their new way of love-making which takes a little more time than a quickie allows. Because he loves her he was okay with her decision however he still had this high level of male energy surging through his body looking for expression, so he decided to dissipate this energy through self pleasuring and with the release collapsed into the nurturing arms of his partner. What was interesting was that after the release, all anxiety and mind activity disappeared allowing him to stay there in a loving space for some time even though when he first woke he had an ‘apparent’ urgent list of tasks that needed serious attention. The question that arose in our discussion was to understand the dynamics that were operating during their experience that morning. As men we shared openly the challenges involved in dealing with our male sexual energy, causing the two women to realize how little they really understood about male sexuality. Through the process of enquiry and sharing we noted that men are very much involved in ‘doing’ in the world. I know this for myself because I was a workaholic in the early years of my life. My worth was determined by what I did and what I accomplished. This is maleness seriously out of balance with the stillness and receptivity of femaleness. Eventually my friend realized that unconsciously he was very much in his maleness of doing and that a quickie, or pleasuring himself to ejaculation was one way of releasing this excess of male energy and providing him with an opportunity to stop his excessive doing bringing him back to balance and providing him with the opportunity to rest and receive the nurturing feminine energy of his partner. However, when we talked further he realized that his decision to ejaculate had dissipated a large amount of powerful energy from his body leaving him exhausted and feeling much lower than his potential even though he was now in balance between maleness and femaleness. We then asked the question, “What would it have been like not to ejaculate?” thus conserving the high level of male energy and through his making the decision to stop and rest in the arms of his 10
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lover, he could balance maleness with femaleness at a much higher level. The average man would say that this would have intensified his desire to have sex with his partner. That would be true for the majority of men and is the result of men’s addiction to sexual pleasure and beliefs that have been passed on from generation to generation. Also men are driven by a strong biological urge to release the sexual tension that builds over several days after a previous ejaculation. There is a growing number of men now who are committed to understanding and mastery of their very powerful male sexual energies. These men realize that this is an integral part of the spiritual pathway for men and is vitally important if they wish to develop a loving and healthy sexual relationship with their partner. The aim for these men is to be ‘in love’ for their woman rather than be out to get what they want from her. We live in a society, particularly in the Western world, where maleness is idealized and in many ways is even glorified. Certainly it has become the chosen way to be in the world for both men and women. There are many women who pursue the male way particularly in business and there are others who do so out of necessity so that they can earn an income. Maleness in football is glorified by both men and women. Women it seems are adopting more of a male way of operating in relationship than ever before in known history. Even sexually women now are setting out to get what they want in their love-making which has typically been the male way. This is understandable if a man does not know how to love her in the bedroom and is focused on what he wants. I was reading recently where it was stated that men and women collectively, at this point in time, are expressing in the world in a way that is 90% male. It is important that we don’t get confused between male/female gender and the qualities of maleness/femaleness that exist in both sexes, and are reflected in our way of being. This prompted me to question more deeply, “what are the ways in which men and women express maleness and femaleness?” I decided to start with what I perceive to be spiritual principles that I have come to accept in my life. When I think of the One Source of creation I simultaneously think of Mother/Father God, duality in perfect harmony, in essence non-duality. I felt that this would hold the key to understanding maleness and femaleness and to creating balance in our lives and in the world. I reflected on the following principles.
The Divine Father, the Masculine Principle of creation, is the source of Divine Consciousness and Intelligence, out of which arises the Divine Idea, the Seed of creation. Way of the Heart
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The Divine Mother is the Feminine Principle of creation the source of Creative Power providing Divine Energy to bring the Idea into manifestation. When the Idea, the Seed of the Divine Father is, so to speak, dropped into the ever open, expansive and receptive Womb or Energy Field of the Divine Mother, She gives birth to their perfect expression of Love, the Christ, the Soul, the Divine Daughter/Son of God. I imagine that She has nothing to do but be Her own true essence, Pure Femaleness. This perfect expression, the Daughter/Son, our Soul, is made in the image of its Source, and once again is duality, male and female in perfect balance, and is therefore One. According to what I have learned from spiritual teachers, this Soul had the idea of form in either a male or female body. In order to manifest in this way it had to be slightly out of balance to create either a male or a female body. However the two together are meant to be complimentary, creating balance and oneness. Also in our journey back to Source each one of us will create perfect balance and oneness within. So what are the characteristics of maleness? The average man or woman functioning from maleness is more inclined to think his/her way through life rather than open to feelings in order to make decisions. He/she is usually very much the doer who often becomes anxious and impatient with life if there isn’t a project on the go. Ideally maleness is clear minded and discerning. Physical endurance may be quite high having the capacity to ignore physical pain while focusing on the task at hand. A level of hardness usually develops within the body. He/she places emphasis on developing high levels of skill in areas of work, sport and fighting to defend if necessary. Maleness is competitive and usually involves strong opinions about what is right and wrong, good and bad and depends on a strong set of beliefs in order to make decisions. With maturity strong mindedness shifts to knowledge and ultimately wisdom as higher levels of consciousness develop. Maleness involves the creation of ideas that one wishes to bring into manifestation. In sexuality maleness means being the initiator and taking the active role in love-making. What are the characteristics of femaleness? The average woman or man functioning from femaleness is more inclined to feel her/his way through life rather than use thinking in order to make decisions. This often includes the use of intuition. Stillness, openness and receptivity are key words that describe femaleness. While maleness holds the idea of creation, femaleness becomes pregnant with the idea and provides the energy to bring the idea into manifestation. In this there is no doing, simply being. This is a power that is 12
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rarely identified and understood that is available to both men and women as they create their dreams, provided the idea is held firmly in consciousness. While maleness becomes evident in football and in marathons, femaleness in the form of receptivity is experienced in activities like qigong, tai chi, relaxing walks in nature, meditation and in sleep. This is when the body and the spirit are healed and re-energized. In sexuality femaleness means stillness, presence, openness and receptivity. This is a major component of love-making that is missing for most men and women. Many of my friends and I are discovering that introducing this component dramatically enriches love-making. I have a friend Janet, counselor and workshop facilitator, who has also been researching sexual consciousness and contemporary beliefs and attitudes towards sexuality. I asked her if she would share her feelings, experiences and observations on these subjects from a woman’s perspective. Here is what she has to say. “Excessive maleness or ‘doing’ has become an addiction for both genders but how and why does it manifest for women? Women living in this time have come through a powerful time in history where, through the 60’s and 70’s, a woman’s role was completely revamped. We all know that this time brought with it more freedom of speech, the acceptance of women having a career outside the role of mother and in particular more freedom sexually with the introduction of ‘The Pill’. A heady time, though wonderful as it was, we may be experiencing the fall out from that time where more women than ever now are suffering from adrenal exhaustion and chronic fatigue from many years of juggling both the classic male role of career and working AND the classic female role of nurturing.”
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In sexuality femaleness means stillness, presence, openness and receptivity. This is a major component of love-making that is missing for most men and women. 13
Even though women may be feeling more fulfilled career wise they are being seduced more and more into the ‘doingness’ because unfortunately that is what gets money and recognition from our reward focused society. But women are in many ways suffering, as they become buried more and more by the multifaceted demands of fulfilling both male and female roles. And thus both men and women are suffering and out of balance when the female also becomes goal oriented and time constrained. A tired woman is quite likely to compromise by getting the ‘quickie’ in the bedroom over and done with, so she can get on with the next task or if she’s lucky, get some sleep. This causes her to further abandon herself and her true nature of receptivity and stillness which can lead to kidney related health problems. In Chinese medicine, the kidney energy is the central life force energy. So each time she engages in sex when she doesn’t really want to, she is unknowingly draining the chi or life force from her body. She is left as a shell over time. She becomes dissatisfied and so does her partner who is left scratching his head as to why their sex life is not working.” “And all the while something deep inside her knows there is more. She just doesn’t ‘know’ that she knows it. All she knows is that what she is experiencing ‘just doesn’t feel right’. “She might be surprised, or deeply validated to find that she, the feminine, holds in her true nature, the key to balancing the imbalance that humanity is experiencing in our world today, both socially and in the bedroom.” “Her quest and the quest for man is to stop long enough to feel, to breathe and to be.” For most of us regardless of gender as we open more into stillness we allow the building of chi in the body, thus receiving the creative, nurturing and healing energy from the Divine Mother, the Feminine Principle of creation.
Each man and each woman is called to create balance between femaleness and maleness within reflecting the balance between the in-breath and the out-breath of the Source of Life. Are you willing to allow complete vulnerability right now? If so, here are four key questions to ask yourself no matter whether you are occupying a male or female body. 1. Do you feel there is excessive ‘maleness’ in the way you live your life?
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2. If so, can you identify how this is expressed, in intimate, family and working relationships? 3. Does this way of being in the world serve you and benefit others? 4. If not, how would you like to create more balance in your life? Being aware is always the first point of change. With awareness and understanding we can choose differently, being conscious of the appropriateness of the way we employ our masculine and feminine energies. As individuals lead, the collective consciousness changes eventually. As we choose to bring balance to our excessive human maleness by cultivating femaleness it can open us to peace, joy and a higher level of consciousness leading to more direct knowing of the Divine. This is the path to Soul-fullness and Oneness, the claiming of our true nature.❂
Gene Thompson – Relationship Counselor, Life Skills Educator and Journey Practitioner Facilitator of Being Love Retreats • Email: gene@sites.net.au Janet McGeever – Counselor, Art Therapist and Journey Practitioner The Call of Woman Retreats • Email: janetmcgeever@optusnet.com.au
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