TTA1 by Tristan Anderson

Tristan Anderson

Power on. Autism: a serious developmental disorder that impairs the ability to communicate or interact. Aspergers: a type of autism affecting ability to socialize and communicate. When you’re a kid nobody knows about strains, and symptoms. All we know are names and faces of the bodies inhabiting the spaces beside us.

Programmed by birth to seek similarities. These social systems stop the spread of diversity. Building barriers of ignorance against understanding. Blocking the path to truth.

Bullied everyday for my failed speech. I turned my volume to 0. And chose to be mute. Afraid that raising my voice would make me a target of unwanted attention.

I can see past traumas, like a stored image on an SD card.

Loading... Age 5 kids from class say they can’t hang with a weirdo. Loading... Age 15 friends fizzle out, allies don’t want to become casualties of bullying. Loading... Age 20 Teacher says “That explains why you act so funny.” Loading... Age 22 police officer tells me I’ve got a few “screws loose”.

As if my mind was written in hieroglyphics. Sometimes I don’t understand myself. Like a book with torn pages. Pieces of me have gone missing.

I can’t compute reasons for why I am. Or what I am. Or how I think. It makes me feel inadequate. Masking my idiosyncrasies behind a facade of normality. A skill developed over years of having to camouflage myself to avoid being prey. Men, women, students, teachers ...they all blur into predators.

I’m tryna be like the latest update. But I’m rerunning old lines of code. “Stop being weird.” “Don’t fully express yourself.” “Compact your presence.” I never questioned these changes. Until the upgrades made new problems. Putting stress on my servers.

I’m overheating. Trying to make myself fit in a place I didn’t belong. It is my self destruct sequence.

My apologies, I have been disingenuous. Meet the true me. This unit’s name is TTA1 and I am the human robot. Cyborg by mind. Organic by heart.

I am the tin man who turned into titanium. Bent and beaten but still fully functioning. I am. Error. I am Error. I! Error, Error, Error.