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SIMPLIFY MAGAZINE · A QUARTE R LY, DI GITAL PU BLICATI ON FOR FA MI LI ES ·
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Issue 004 — Declutter Your Life 1. AN INTRODUCTION: THE DECLUTTER ISSUE by The Founders of Simplify Magazine 2. PETER WALSH’S TOP 10 TIPS FOR SPRING CLEANING by Peter Walsh 3. THINNING YOUR WARDROBE by Courtney Carver 4. TEACHING KIDS TO DECLUTTER by Laurie Martin 5. ON DECLUTTERING AND REALIGNMENT by Joshua Becker 6. THRIVING IN THE EMPTY NEST by Jennifer Tritt 7. FIND YOUR FLOW TO DECLUTTER YOUR MIND by Chantal Houde 8. HELPING MOM AND DAD DOWNSIZE by Margit Novack, NASMM 9. BEFRIENDING INCONVENIENCE by Elissa Watts 10. A 1971 PLYMOUTH GTX AND A BATTLE OF PRIORITIES by Brian Gardner
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An Introduction: The Declutter Issue by THE FOUNDERS OF SIMP LI F Y MAG AZINE
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Picture your dream home. I bet it’s not filled with clutter. Nobody moves into a new home and thinks to themselves, “I can’t wait to fill this entire house with clutter.” But somewhere along the way, it just sorta happens and stuff begins to accumulate... in our closets and our drawers, in our basements and our attics, in our garages, storage sheds, and storage units. Clutter just happens. The Los Angeles Times reports that the average American home now contains 300,000 items. [1] The size of our houses keep getting bigger and bigger. But rather than resulting in an uncluttered space, they just keep filling with more and more things. But no more! Removing clutter makes room for a life focused on the things that matter most. It opens up physical space in our home and mental space in our mind. Living clutter free offers potential for more focus, more freedom, passion and intentionality. It helps reduce stress and financial obligations. Even better, removing the physical clutter from our home lays a foundation that makes significant life changes possible. It encourages us to question assumptions and invites thoughtful consideration of all aspects of our lives. In this issue of Simplify Magazine, we tackle the important issue of living clutter free. The insightful articles were written by professional organizers, storytellers, life coaches, authors, and some of today’s leading minds and voices in the simplicity movement. You will find thoughtful and practical
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ideas on spring cleaning, thinning out your closet, and decluttering your mind. This issue also addresses important generational issues such as how to assist your aging parents in downsizing their homes and how to teach young children to declutter their rooms. This issue of Simplify Magazine is packed with both inspiration and practical ideas. May you ďŹ nd it encouraging as you journey toward a life focused on the things that matter most. With you on this journey, Joshua Becker & Brian Gardner
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Peter Walsh’s Top 10 Tips for Spring Cleaning by PET ER WALSH
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Spring. There isn’t a seasonal change that I like or look forward to more. Perhaps it’s the end of the dark, cold days of winter or the sure knowledge that days will be longer, warmer and somehow bursting with more potential. I like spring—a lot! With spring also comes the age-old concept of spring cleaning. A traditional time to freshen up every corner of your home after the hibernation of winter. For me, however, spring cleaning isn’t just about your home. It’s about taking stock of yourself and what lies ahead. Spring is a time of new life and new beginnings: a move from where you are to where you’d like to be. Here are my top 10 tips to help you get the most out of your spring cleaning this year! 1. Decide what your vision is for the year ahead. I’m a firm believer in establishing a clear vision for every part of your life. If you’ve never stopped to think about how you want to live your life, you’re missing out on one of the most powerful tools available to you. Anyone can do it. Ironically, very few do. To create your vision, sit quietly in a room and gather your thoughts. Grab a pen and paper and start jotting things down as you ask yourself: What is really important in my life? What do I want from my life? What needs to change in the year ahead to help move me closer to the life I imagine for myself?
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Imagine that it’s 12 months from now and you’re reflecting back. How can you live this year in a way that is truly meaningful? If you do this, you’ll probably notice that things like your own version of inner peace, happiness, clarity, and health are significantly more important than owning the newest 65” television. Take a good hour to do this exercise… maybe even revisit it a few times over a couple of days. Think hard about this. If you do this well, you will have a blueprint for how you want to live your life. 2. Get rid of the bad stuff. Part of that vision is knowing what ideas to get rid of. It’s easy when you’re decluttering your closet. You get rid of the stuff that’s torn, soiled, no longer fits or has gone out of style. Broadly, I think the same is true when you think about your life. What ideas have you been holding on to that no longer fit your life? Things that maybe were in style, maybe fit you a few years ago but no longer are part of who you are or who you want to be. Are you still the crafter you once were and do you still need that spare room full of largely unused crafting material? Perhaps it’s time to reevaluate some habits that you take for granted, like watching TV every night while eating dinner. Similarly, consider your relationships. Are there people in your life who are fueling negativity and disruption? Spring is a great time to see if the
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behaviors you’ve been practicing align with the vision you’ve established for your life going forward. 3. Keep the good stuff. With your vision in mind, think about the things you do that you’re most proud of. Focus your life on these. It sounds easy, but here’s where I see people make mistakes. They try to hold on to too many things. If you find that you have trouble limiting those ideals in your life, do what I call a “treasure hunt.” With every decluttering job I do, I find that most people hold on to things with very good intentions. For example, they’re afraid of parting with things inherited from their grandmother because of the fear of disrespecting her memory. My response is that if you find the best of the best, the peak of the peak, and keep only those things, you’ll be able to let the other stuff go. The treasures are worthy of honor and respect. They should be displayed proudly. They are the items and ideals that make you you, and they are worth cherishing. The rest are good intentions but end up cluttering your life. 4. Do one week of home tasks. Okay, did you really think I was going to make a top-10 list about spring cleaning and not talk about these things? Yes, your home needs maintenance and part of your happiness is dependent on your home functioning well. There are lots of lists in magazines and online this time of year that tell you how to keep your home humming happily. Start with a
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commitment to purge those things in your home that you no longer need or use or want. You’d be surprised at the results that come from committing to just ten minutes a day of decluttering and organizing. This is also the time for simple home maintenance tasks that are essential for the smooth running of any home: change or clean the filters in your air conditioning unit and furnace heaters, replace the batteries in your smoke alarms, look to see if your ceiling fans are set in the appropriate direction for the oncoming warm weather, maybe run some vinegar through your coffee machine and washing machine to refresh them. Don’t make this an endless task—no one likes that. The goal is checking those things around the house that should be regularly but infrequently attended to. 5. Do one week of personal tasks. Did your vision for the year include some personal habits you’d like to improve? Was weight loss or personal spiritual growth on your list? If so, what are some of the tasks associated with those goals that you could try? One week of these tasks will give you a feeling of renewal and a greater sense of purpose in moving closer to the life you imagine for yourself. Some of the simple tasks on my list are: clean out unhealthy foods from my kitchen, simply move more by getting out and walking or go to the gym. One week of focusing on personal tasks will serve to nourish your soul and spirit… and you’ll be much happier for having done so.
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6. Do one week of generous tasks. Countless studies have shown that doing selfless tasks directly lead to an individual’s overall happiness. If you’re not used to regularly volunteering, then I’d highly suggest you consider what you might want to do. Giving of your time and self either formally or in a less structured setting helps you as much as it helps others. Our world needs your help. Do something small —you don’t have to solve a major issue in the world but you should do a small part. A butterfly’s wings can cause a tornado, as the theory goes. Large or small, globally or locally, think about something meaningful to you and figure out a way to volunteer some time or money to it—and in turn, help make the world a little better. Even if that world seems to only impact one or a few people, you’ll have made a difference and the personal gratification you receive will be immense. 7. Commit to your family. We’ve all got them. No one’s is perfect, even if some of your friends’ families do seem that way. The truth is that family dynamics, like all aspects of your life, require attention and nurturing. Reflect on what can you do today to improve any relationship with any family member of yours. What might that be and how might you do it? Is it more communication….or maybe less? Is it more consideration, more generosity? Perhaps it involves swallowing a little pride and taking the first step to repairing a frayed or damaged relationship. Whatever it is, remember the first step is always the toughest! Opening your home to the light and air of
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a new season also means opening your heart in the same way—especially with your family. Small, considered steps can have a significant and positive impact on some member in your family. 8. Commit to your friends. What’s true for families is also true for friendships. Building anything that’s important and lasting requires work—friendships are the same. Sometimes people fall out of friendships and can’t remember why they stopped talking to that person. Growing apart or letting life get in the way are common excuses. But the truth is friendships either flourish or they don’t. Unattended and neglected, they inevitably die. Sometimes that’s not a bad thing. Sometimes, it’s a shame. As you think about your current friends and those that were important in your past, think about what you can do today to help strengthen your friendships this year. 9. Commit to your work. As you go into this spring season, think about your professional life. What behaviors contribute to your happiness or unhappiness in your work life? Are you doing what you were meant to be doing? Is there something specific you can do to move yourself closer to your vision of your ideal work life? On a practical level, does your lack of organization keep you unnecessarily stressed at work? Are there better systems you could implement for yourself that would make your work day easier and more productive? Have you taken the time to analyze your habits? The repetitive
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nature of our work can distract us from a periodic assessment of how we go about our professional tasks and, without us noticing, lead us in to a demoralizing rut. By taking stock of how and what we do, we can effectively spring clean our work lives—and become much happier people. 10. Clean out your closet. Okay, how could I write a top 10 list about spring cleaning and not tell you to clean out your closet?! I mean, I am a professional organizer after all. Look, there’s a reason why the idea of spring cleaning started thousands of years ago and still holds true today. There are so many events throughout the year where we bring things into the home—celebrations, holidays, and so on. But spring cleaning is the only time when we take stock of what we have and what we will take out of our homes. So, why not with your closet? Get rid of those clothes that no longer fit you. They only mock you when you’re not looking. Get rid of anything that you wouldn’t be caught wearing. It’s that time. Start there. Give the rest a good sort. Move the cold weather clothes to upper shelves and bring the shorts and bathing suits down closer to eye level. Simply making your closet work for you is a great step for a new season and a new you. As I said—I love spring. I hope these few steps will have you loving it too!
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... Peter Walsh is a television & radio personality as well as the author of numerous New York Times best-sellers. An expert in organizational design, Peter’s aim is to help people live richer happier lives with a little more organization.
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Thinning Your Wardrobe by COURTNEY CARVER
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I first blogged about decluttering my closet back in 2010. I wasn’t a big shopper, but I did shop. My wardrobe had become just another one of those unruly areas in my home that added stress to my daily routine. So I challenged myself to live three months with only 33 items. Eight years later, Project 333 has become a movement inspiring people around the world to live free, meaningful lives. We’ve been featured on national media like Today.com and O, the Oprah Magazine. But the amazing thing to me is how we are all so ready to restore peace and creativity to our homes and our lives. Sometimes it takes a drastic challenge to make that change but often, a little step can take you a long way. A significant amount of stress can eliminated from your life simply by reducing the number of clothes you own. It is a simple step, but most people dread cleaning out their closets. Before we jump into the how-to, let's consider the why-to. Understanding the benefits not only inspires you to get started but helps you maintain a pared-down closet. Here are just a few things you can look forward to when you begin to dress with less.
The Benefits Money Dressing with less and creating a capsule wardrobe will help you see what you want and need in your closet. Even if you decide to spend more on quality pieces, you'll be spending less overall. No more, "I like that shirt so
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I'll get it in every color," or buying things just because they are on sale. Even if you don’t think you spend much on shoes, clothing, accessories, or jewelry, you may be surprised how those little (and big) purchases add up. Time Think about how much time you spent in the last three months shopping in stores or online. How much time did you spend trying on different outfits at home or in dressing rooms? Now add in the time you spend looking at emails from retailers, paying attention to sales, or thinking about a past or future purchase. When you finally decide that enough is enough and pare down your wardrobe, you get all that time back. Space You’ll gain physical space in your immediate surroundings and mental space by clearing out the clutter. Simplicity is contagious. Once you discover the benefits of less in the closet, you’ll be curious about owning less in the rest of your home and that will create even more space. Clarity Once you are choosing from a small collection of clothes, you don’t have to think much about what to wear. You won’t have to worry about what’s on sale, what you need to buy, or what’s missing from your closet. By reducing
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those decisions, you can consider what really matters to you and have more clarity throughout the day. Freedom A closet full of clothes that don’t fit, things you paid too much for, and items you don’t wear weighs on you every time you open your closet. When only your favorite things are left, you’ll experience freedom from the guilt and weight of the excess items you currently face every morning.
The Pain Once you've identified the benefits, pay attention to the pain of an overstuffed closet. Every morning you open your closet doors and ask the (often miserable) question, “What am I going to wear today?” Before I decided to dress with less, I faced that same question over and over again. Figuring it out took time and energy and often felt chaotic and frustrating. “I have nothing to wear,” I’d think while staring at a closet full of clothes. It was emotional too. Even though I usually ended up wearing the same things over and over again, I still had to face my bad purchase decisions, the clothing that didn’t fit, and the guilt of overspending every time I opened my closet. I thought the solution was more so I kept shopping and adding to the chaos. I didn’t realize the negative impact my clothes had on me until I got rid of most of them and discovered that the solution was less. I didn’t need a closet makeover, I needed a closet makeunder.
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When I finally decided to clean out my closet for good, all of these crazy questions and emotions came up. • Guilt asked, “Why did you spend so much money on things you don't wear?” • Frustration asked, “Are we going to have to do this again in 6 months?” • Fear asked, “If you let go, will you have enough to wear?” After hearing the same questions for decades, I knew it was time for a change. If your closet patterns are feeling a little vicious circle-ish, or if you feel lost in closet chaos, here are a few tips that will help you discover the power of less.
The Solution is Less 1. Eliminate accessories. Instead of trying to figure out what scarves, handbags, jewelry, or other things you accessorize with, eliminate all or all but one. This may not be a permanent step, but removing the decisionmaking process for a few months will help you experience the benefits of dressing with less without the struggle to choose. 2. Wear your favorite colors. If you love wearing blue but have a few red items to mix things up, or because red was the color of the month in your favorite fashion magazine, let yourself off the hook. You don’t have to dress
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in seasonal colors or colors you think you are supposed to wear. Remove the shades or patterns you don’t feel good in for a while. 3. Keep it all in one place. I used to have clothes and other wardrobe items in different drawers, closets, and storage bins so I never really understood how much I really had. Get all your stuff in one place and then divide it into the stuff you actually wear and enjoy, and the stuff you don’t. There is no reason to be sifting through what you don’t wear to find what you want to wear. 4. Identify 5 favorite outfits. Statistics show we wear 20% of our clothes 80% of the time, but we still ask “what am I going to wear?” every morning. Instead, photograph yourself in your 5 favorite outfits and before you even look in your closet, choose from your favorite looks. 5. Get rid of the tags. If there are items in your closet with tags still on them, remove them. Give them away, consign them or sell them. The tags may not seem harmful but seeing those bad purchase decisions every day is a stressful reminder of impulse shopping and overspending. 6. Only keep one size. Multiple sizes may feel like a safety net, but they may also be a painful reminder of how you feel in your own skin. There’s no proof that smaller sizes encourage you to lose weight and the stress of trying could even contribute to weight gain. Keep one size in your closet and take a walk with the extra time you save in the morning not having to decide what to wear.
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7. Let go of the guilt. Closets are full of emotion, with guilt often at the top of the list—guilt for spending too much, for not wearing what you have, for clothes fitting poorly and for not enjoying pieces other people have given you. Unfortunately, the guilt is completely unproductive. Take a look through your closet and pull out anything that makes you feel guilty. Box it up and revisit it in 3 months. If you don’t love it by then or if it still makes you feel bad, give it away. 8. Add music. Instead of continually adding new pieces to your wardrobe because they are on sale, or because you need a shopping lift or whatever excuse you have to buy something new, add music. Create a playlist of 10 songs that make you smile and when you feel the urge to shop, turn the music on instead. Those 10 songs will lift you up and the time that passes while you listen will be enough of a delay to ease your mind and distract you from the urge to shop. 9. Ask a friend for help. Invite someone over who isn’t emotionally attached to go through your clothes with you. Trust them to help you let go. 10. Call a 3-month time out. To begin experiencing immediate benefits, give minimalist fashion challenge Project 333 a try. Dress with 33 items or less for 3 months including clothing, shoes, jewelry and shoes. The rules may sound intimidating but keep in mind, it’s only temporary if you want it to be. Don’t give anything away at first. Just get it out of sight for a while and see how you feel dressing with less. Remove the chaos and emotional
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attachment by separating yourself from your stuff. You have nothing to lose except stress, spending, and closet chaos. When you are overwhelmed or stressed, the solution is less. Get rid of something. Lots of somethings. You can find those somethings in your home, on your to-do list, in your mind and definitely in your closet. Once you makeunder your closet, notice how your mornings are changing and how you feel when you open your closet. Think about how your new tiny wardrobe affects your mood, and your day. If you feel lighter and more at ease, consider how owning less may benefit you in other areas of your life. ... Courtney Carver changed her life by simplifying it after a devastating diagnosis in 2006. She’s the founder of Be More With Less and minimalist fashion challenge Project 333. Her new book Soulful Simplicity was published December 26, 2017 by Penguin Random House. Carver shows us the power of simplicity to improve our health, build more meaningful relationships, and relieve stress in our professional and personal lives.
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Teaching Your Kids to Declutter by LAUR IE MARTI N
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Imagine if you didn’t have to constantly nag your kids to pick up their room. What if finding homework and shoes wasn’t an everyday battle? How would that change your family dynamic, your relationships with your kids, and how would it open up opportunities for their future? I know teaching kids to be organized sounds about as possible as nailing jello to the wall. Decluttering is a challenging task for most adults, and can be even harder for kids. With heavy loads of schoolwork, extracurricular demands and overloaded schedules, kids need help learning how to balance their time, organize their space and prioritize their schedules. From twenty years of working with parents and kids, I’ve learned that you can teach your children the life-skills of decluttering and organizing. As a certified, professional organizer and a mom to three, I teach kids, teens, and young adults how to design organizing systems that enable them to find the peace and space to be all they want to be. After earning a BA in Child Development, I launched Simplicity Organizers, where my team of experts help clients in a number of ways including moving assistance, inhome consultations and coaching for kids. We host regular back-to-school workshops to help kids and teens create academic systems to organize their responsibilities. We’ve found that teaching kids the value of organization goes beyond bringing more peace into the home, even though that in itself has powerful ramifications. Organizing and decluttering prepares kids to succeed even in school and extracurriculars because they can locate everything they need
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quickly and easily. No more forgotten homework assignments. No more running late because they couldn’t find that ballet flat or those swim goggles. Your child can have more time for the things that are most important to them. Of course, nothing’s perfect. Life happens. But teaching your child how to be organized goes a long way in setting them up for success. So where do we start? We start where your kids spend the majority of their time: their bedroom. Your kid’s room is more than the place where they sleep. It’s their main headquarters, their very own space to think, create, work and play. Due to evolving habits, sports, hobbies, schedules—and just the fact that kids grow up—their bedroom easily becomes crowded and cluttered. Without an efficient organizational system, it can take a while to discover that what used to be important is no longer a priority, and what was loved is no longer even a hobby. Below is a step-by-step guide to helping your child through the decluttering process.
Getting Started 1. Start with a conversation. Sit down with your child in their bedroom and talk about how their room is currently functioning. Explain how organization has helped you in your daily life. For kids who think more visually, a trip to the home-organizing aisles at Target can help spark creativity. Forcing your child into the decluttering process will only make
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things difficult. But often, a conversation about how they would like their room to look and feel will inspire them make a change. 2. Cast a vision. Encourage your child or teen to write down the ways having an organized space will help them. Their reasons might go something like—I want a nice and clean space to do homework, I want more time to play, I want to clean my room less often. For a motivating reminder, post the list in a place where they’ll see it often. 3. Create a plan. Select the area you want to organize first—the closet, the desk, under the bed, the play room... Focus on one area at a time. It may be best to spread out the projects over a few days. 4. Have your child predict how long they think it’s going to take to organize the first project. Allow more time than their estimation. Then set a timer. I recommend using this Time Timer tool. 5. Prepare. To make sorting and decluttering simple, your child will need some containers or baskets for sorting. You should also have white and black trash bags nearby. Grab a label maker if you have one, or paper, markers and tape. Purchasing organizational supplies and furniture are not always necessary, so make sure you save any shopping until the end of the project when you will know what you need.
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6. Make it fun. Maybe turn on some upbeat music. Grab a snack and some water before the clock starts. Once your child is ready to dig in and start the decluttering process, establish whether they want to do the work on their own. Depending on their age, it might be helpful to have support and companionship from you, a friend or a sibling. If your child is ready to take this on themselves, walk them through the decluttering steps below before they start.
Decluttering Made S.I.M.P.L.E. for Kids Sort: • Using the containers and baskets that you gathered earlier, group similar things together. Put each category of items in its own pile. • Place all the things you’ve outgrown, that you don’t want, use or love in the white trash bags. These items can be donated to help someone in need. • Any items that are no longer useful—ripped, stained, moldy, or otherwise damaged—go in the black trash bags to be discarded.
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Identify: • Everything that’s left over should be items that you use and love. If you feel nervous about saying goodbye to some items, remember you will feel better once there are fewer items to care for and clean up. But if you’re still not sure, put all the questionable items in a box and store it for a month. If you don’t use anything after the month passes, donate the box. Map: • Take a look at the remaining items and the now empty space. Map out where each thing should go so that it can be easily found when needed. • Remember accessibility is very important. Avoid storing items that you use regularly in super high or super low places. And try not to use lids, or containers that are annoying or difficult to get into. • Put each belonging in its designated location. Label: • Make a label for each shelf, drawer and container where your belongings now live. Labels will help you stay organized for the long-term. If you are using bins or containers, make a label for both sides so that it doesn’t matter which way it’s facing.
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Enjoy your new space! I often remind my clients that change is inevitable. Recognize that systems aren’t set in stone. In fact, they should change as your child grows. When one plan has outlived its useful life, it’s time to create another one. This is not a failure. It’s life. Here are a few tips for adjusting and maintaining a clutter-free space with your kids.
Tips for Taming the Clutter Label, label, label. This will help your child know exactly where everything belongs. It also helps them clean and pick up quickly and efficiently. If reading is challenging, draw picture symbols on the labels. Think transparent. See-through bins or containers, like wire baskets, help your child see and access everything they need. For the ever-stuffed dressers, I recommend using clear, shoe-sized bins or these dream drawer dividers to separate items such as socks and underwear. Go vertical. Prevent things from taking up floor space by using your vertical real estate. Wall hooks and 3M hooks are a great trick for storing and organizing towels, coats, backpacks, and hats. Wall shelves display fragile items and keepsakes in a way that’s beautiful but also safe. They’re also good for storing tiny toys or collectibles out of the reach of younger siblings.
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Wall space can also help control paper clutter. Cork boards decorated with colorful fabric are the perfect place to showcase artwork, invites, loose photos and cards. Books shelves are very helpful in organizing homework, textbooks and display items. Store rarely accessed items on the higher shelves. I highly recommend the IKEA Kallax bookshelf. But remember accessibility is key. Avoid putting things you use regularly too high or too low. Items that are not used often—like seasonal clothes and luggage—fit well on the top closet shelf or under the bed. Make it a habit. Organizing is not a one-time event. And it is much easier to keep up, than to catch up. As I coach parents and kids, I encourage them to build a regular pick-up time into their daily routine. It doesn’t have to be long, 10-15 minutes is all that’s needed to put things back where they belong. Since mornings are typically hectic, an after-dinner clean up time can lead to a smooth transition before bedtime and set you up for a peaceful tomorrow. The more it becomes a habit, the less time it takes. Organizing is about self-expression and what works best for one kid doesn’t always work well for another. The key is to work with your child to design a system that matches their personality, their routine and their daily needs. One of our 11-year old clients told us, “My Simplicity Kids Coach taught me that organizing your space has many benefits. I will maintain the systems by putting away everything I take out and not leaving it in a
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mess on the floor. Simplicity taught me how to organize my room and keep it that way. It is so easy to find everything.” Organization and decluttering—these are life practices. Building these strategies into your family culture will make a big difference in your home. More importantly, instilling these habits into your children’s lives will set them up for a lifetime of success. ... Laurie Martin is a Certified Professional Organizer (CPO) and has been with Simplicity for ten years. Laurie has completed her Level I and Level II certificates from the Institute of Challenging Disorganization. Using her twenty years of experience working with children, Laurie has developed and written two organizational manuals for children entitled “Simplicity Kids” and “Transitions for Teens”.
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On Decluttering and Realignment by JOSHUA BECKER
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I was first introduced to Misty through email last month. Misty is a stayat-home mom to her four children in Kenosha, Wisconsin. She is funloving and spontaneous… you know, the type of mom that might instigate a race-around-the-house-in-pajamas-on-a-snow day. She’s always loved children. In fact, before becoming a stay-at-home mom, she taught kindergarteners how to read and write. She was born with a heart for kids—and growing older has not changed that one bit. “I loved teaching,” she told me. “But being a stay-at-home mom has always been my dream job. When we had our first child, my husband and I figured out a way financially for me to stay home. There are so many wonderful things about this stage in my life. Unfortunately, a cluttered home was not one of them. “Maybe it was my ‘school-teacher-tendency’ that caused me to keep everything. But I couldn’t shake disorganization. And I tried everything! I read every organizational book I could get my hands on, I watched shows like ‘Clean House’ looking for inspiration, I attended conferences and workshops, but I was unable to get a handle on my clutter.” While there were some brief moments of victory in Misty’s efforts to declutter her home, for the most part, she was losing the war. “There were times, Joshua... I was devastated, but not deterred. This is my family we're talking about and they are worth a comfortable house where they could bring their friends and feel proud to call it their home.”
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Then last September, things began to change. “I decided to adopt a new decluttering strategy. I intentionally set apart time each week to do some decluttering—‘minimizing’ is what I called it. I systematically worked through each room in my home—starting with the easiest spaces and moving on to harder spaces. I challenged a few friends to do the same area in their home each week so we could hold each other accountable. And little by little, I made progress. “It wasn’t always easy, but I began to see a change take place in my home. Our main living areas were much better. Our bedrooms became more peaceful. Our van could be parked inside the garage.” But here’s where her story got me… and why I so desperately wanted to share it with you. Once Misty experienced the benefits of her new decluttering strategy, she stopped talking about the physical areas in her home and began making the following statements about her new life: • “I am now able to say 'yes' to playdates and asking people in when they stop by.” • “I am no longer depressed when I come home and am greeted by the piles. Instead, I am my best ‘me’ as soon as I walk in the door.” • “Our home is more welcoming to visitors, just like we’ve always dreamt it would be.”
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• “Because of my focused decluttering efforts, I now have more time and energy for my kids.” And then, she added this: “Owning less has made me a better mom.” Did you catch that? Owning less helped her become a better mom! Misty’s story perfectly illustrates a vital, yet often missed principle about owning less: Decluttering is ultimately about alignment. Let’s consider the ramifications here because it often determines whether we are successful in our decluttering efforts or not. The goal of minimalism (owning less) isn’t just to have a clean home or a larger bank account or space to park your minivan in the garage. The goal of minimalism is to be freed to pursue our greatest passions! Owning less is a pathway to establish greater harmony in our lives. It spurs greater congruence between our values and our actions. It prompts intentionality. And it redirects our most finite resources toward those things that matter most to us—however we choose to define them. Decluttering allows us to become more of who we want to become. This is Misty’s story. The clutter in her home was not adding value to her life. It was not helping her be the kind of mom she wanted to be. Just the opposite, the physical possessions in her home distracted her from the life she wanted to be living.
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I have found the same principle at work in my life. At first, I was just looking for a little relief. I was weary of living paycheck-to-paycheck. I was weary of spending so much money on myself knowing there were others that needed it more. And I was weary of all the time and energy being wasted on cleaning, organizing, repairing, and maintaining our home. I was tired of looking at clutter in my home. Those were the felt needs that prompted me to minimize my possessions. My decision to intentionally live with fewer possessions was motivated primarily by discontent. But as my family and I began removing all the possessions that were not needed, we found countless life benefits: freedom, productivity, rest, and a whole bunch more. We quickly discovered intentionality in our finances and how we spent our time. We noticed positive changes in our health, our relationships, our spirituality, our impact on the environment, and how we interacted with the world around us. My wife and I were able to better pursue the values important to us: faith, family, friends. Our values didn’t change because of decluttering, but our opportunity to pursue them with greater passion did. Our actions began to align with our values. Again, decluttering is ultimately about alignment. Think of all the time we waste caring for and pursuing material possessions. The average size of the American home has nearly tripled in
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the past fifty years, [1] and still one out of every eleven households rents off-site storage. [2] The average American house contains three hundred thousand items. [3] No wonder we spend almost 700 hours each year cleaning and caring for our home, [4] and more than 153 days of our lives searching for misplaced items. [5] It might be justifiable if these possessions were making us happier, but they are not. Happiness levels have basically flatlined since the 1950s. [6] In fact, the contrary is true: Our excessive accumulation of possessions appear to be primarily burdening our lives. The average household credit card debt now stands at over $15,000, while the mortgage debt is over $150,000. [7] And in November 2015, the New York Times referred to our generation as the most stressed, tired and rushed generation of all time. [8] It is important to understand that intentionally owning less is not a burdensome sacrifice. It is exactly the opposite! Minimalism speaks to me of freedom, of peace and of joy. It’s about space that has been opened up for new possibilities. It’s truly “good riddance” because it clears away obstacles to the life we want to live. It’s the surest way to begin aligning our lives with our values. So how do we get started? First, let’s review what minimalism is. It is the intentional pursuit of the things we value the most and the removal of anything that distracts us.
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Even though we’re talking about decluttering, the ultimate purpose is to put ourselves in a position where it’s easier to fulfill our life’s goals. This leads me to the most important step you can take in your decluttering journey. Before you remove even one item from your home, I encourage you to sit down and articulate one or more reasons why you want to declutter your home. Take time to think about this. The possibilities will be entirely unique to you, your purpose and your values. Think beyond: I’d like to clean less. Reflect on your values, those dreams you want to achieve with your life. I’m not saying that you have to have every last detail of your goals nailed down right now. In a very real way, your purposes will drive your simplifying, and your simplifying will refine your goals. One will enhance the other in an ongoing learning process. But as far as you know them now, define your reasons for de-owning and decluttering. Here are some examples to spark your thought process: • I want to get out of debt and start saving money for retirement. • I want to downsize to a condo. • I want a schedule that’s less hectic. • I want to be available to help my parents as they grow older.
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• I want to climb mountains on every continent of the world. • I want to spend a year volunteering at a clinic in Haiti. • I want to be free to coach my son’s ball team. • I want to stop teaching music lessons and join a chamber orchestra. • I want to invite people over without worrying about what a mess my house is. When you have completed your list, post it in a place where you will see it often. I recommend the bathroom mirror. Your short list—it can even be just one sentence—will motivate you to keep moving forward. And there will be times when you desperately need the inspiration. Without it, you might forget why you’re filling a box to take to Goodwill or lose interest in posting that china hutch on Craigslist. Before any of us can minimize our homes and lives, we must be convinced the lifestyle we want is worth our effort. Your list of reasons for simplifying will remind you of what you want get out of the process. Decluttering is ultimately about alignment. It spurs greater congruence between our values and our actions. This was Misty’s story. And it can be yours too.
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... Joshua Becker is the founder and editor of Becoming Minimalist, a website that inspires 1 million readers each month to own less and live more. He is also the best-selling author of The More of Less and founder of The Hope Effect, a nonproďŹ t organization changing orphan care around the world.
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Thriving in the Empty Nest by JENNIF ER TR ITT
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The Gratitude Jar On New Year’s Eve, my love and I sat side by side in our new, smaller home and read the notes from our first gratitude jar. We had written the notes throughout the last year, each piece of paper marking intimate moments and special events. There were comments about working out together and the joy of achieving hard-won goals, specifically my first sprint triathlon at age 50. We relived memories of enjoying nature’s beauty, traveling, and experiencing new places. Little moments were jotted down too, the day-to-day kindnesses like forgiveness after an argument, preparing a meal and spending an evening together. Reflecting on the year and savoring each memory helped us recognize the values we hold most dear: our life together, relationships with our children, and new experiences. The gratitude jar was all the more sweet to me because just five years ago, I couldn’t have imagined feeling so content. Minimalism, and the practices it introduced into my life, helped me find my way from divorce to new love, from clutter to freedom, from an empty nest to a hopeful home.
Darker Days I discovered minimalism by necessity at the end of an unhealthy marriage. An abrupt move from a large house to a two bedroom apartment meant that I needed to quickly downsize my belongings.
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At 45, I was living alone for the first time. Feelings of fear, shame, guilt and hopelessness washed over me. I struggled to redefine relationships with friends, family, and my teenage sons. It took all my strength to go to work and put on a brave face for my boys. Counseling was a lifesaver in navigating my new path and parenting my teenage children. Over the next few years, I gradually found my way. Step by step, I moved beyond those dark times when I didn’t want to open my eyes in the morning, to looking forward to each new day. Living near a beautiful creek, I started walking every day. I made new friends. I decided to be happy and whole with or without a man in my life. I chose to be true to myself and stop pretending, stop settling. I made my apartment a home where my boys and I could relax and spend time together as a family.
Finding Depth Through Decluttering After the initial downsizing, I thoughtfully decluttered and designed my living space. Minimalism applies not only to physical clutter, but also to the emotional weight that we carry along with our stuff. The process of examination is not only of the object, but also our attachment to it. Decluttering helps to clear the mind and open the heart. I started with items that were easier for me to sort through: kitchen items, toiletries, shoes and clothes. I connected with the concept of a capsule wardrobe and learned about Courtney Carver’s Fashion Project 333. I
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found my own style by clearing out clothing I didn’t like or rarely wore, and became more discerning about purchases. Then I moved on to paperwork. Shredding unpleasant legal documents was my first insight into how an object can be linked to the energy of a past event. It is freeing and healthy to eliminate unnecessary reminders of painful experiences. I tackled my collectibles and books, furniture and art. I found organizations where I could donate items I no longer used or enjoyed. It felt great to know that I was helping others, that nothing was wasted. Sorting through mementos was difficult: cards, letters, photographs, and programs from events that took place twenty years ago. I did this in several sessions, a few hours at a time. It was cathartic to examine highs and lows and gain perspective. I reread the pregnancy journals I had written, then gave the journals and other childhood mementos to my sons. It is interesting how we hold on to items that are intended for others. I picked up books by Deepak Chopra, Eckhart Tolle and Marianne Williamson. I discovered what brought me joy via Marie Kondo’s guide to organizing. These voices helped me live in the present. I focused on where I was and where I was headed rather than punishing myself for past
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mistakes, wallowing in self-pity or being concerned with what others might have thought about me. I opened a Facebook account and reconnected with the larger world, at least virtually. I discovered Timber Hawkeye and read Buddhist Bootcamp cover to cover. I found various pages to follow on topics of mindfulness, happiness, simplicity and minimalism.
Merging at Midlife As I moved along my new path, I met a wonderful man. We began our relationship with openness and honesty. We were both looking for a genuine relationship, having learned life-changing lessons from failed marriages. We often talk about how our past experiences and choices continue to inuence us and we try to declutter our emotions as we work through residual pain, guilt and insecurity. Minimalism served as our guide when we merged our belongings together. We decluttered clothing, furniture, art and family mementos. We sorted collections of books and baskets, kitchen gadgets and sports memorabilia. Then, when the youngest of our four sons graduated high school, we decided to start fresh in a smaller home.
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Creating an Empty Next For Two We made the choice to trade our four-bedroom home with basement storage for a two-bedroom townhome. We spent hours talking and planning. There were difficult decisions and compromises to make in order to create the home we dreamed about. Winemaking was one such compromise. We both enjoyed the hobby, but realized that the storage demands were more than we wanted to commit to in our new space. It was especially fun when two of our boys helped us with label design and printing, but we were ready to move on. So we sold our supplies to friends who were still committed to the craft. We ended up holding two successful garage sales. By clearing out extra clothing and with a well-designed bedroom closet, we eliminated the need for three dressers. We gave some furniture pieces back to interested family members, including my love’s dining room set which had belonged to his grandparents. We gave the table, chairs and a washstand to a cousin, and we kept one beautiful chair which sits in the corner of our bedroom. We sold the dressers and some other pieces and used the earnings for new furniture specifically selected for our new layout. Between the two of us, we owned three cars. So we decided to donate the vehicle with the highest mileage to charity.
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Minimalism helped us design a home and a lifestyle that is in line with our goals. Our new home is beautiful and yet functional. Everything has a place and the space is serene.
Lessons Learned Though we’ve begun the empty nest stage, our lives are anything but empty! Here are a few tips that helped us make the transition from two full nests to one that is clutter-free and spacious. Design the home that fits your life. Identify your needs and then be creative. Think about where you spend most of your time. For us, we didn’t feel the need for a dining room or a separate living room since we spend most of the time in our open living space. Our study loft doubles as another sleeping area if we have additional overnight guests. With this creative living arrangement, we find that we actually have more space in our new home than we need. Design a home that pleases you, that makes the most sense for your lifestyle and your space. Decide how much time you want to spend on housework. Less time required for cleaning and maintaining means more time for recreation. Less stuff and a better-designed living space supports a peaceful lifestyle. As we prepared to move, we realized we no longer wanted to maintain a yard but we still wanted some outdoor space. We now have a balcony where we sit and relax, and our community is surrounded by a walking
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trail. Some maintenance activities, like yard work, can be restorative and enjoyable. But if housework requires too much of your valuable time, consider creative options that might shorten tasks or remove them from your to-do list altogether. Focus on the present. Be selective about the attachments to the past that you hold in your home. Ask yourself some tough questions as you examine each item. Why do I have this? When was the last time I used or enjoyed it? The answers may reveal mistakes, poor purchases, or the inability to say no to things you don’t want. You may also find that some of your keepsakes elicit sad or painful memories. Do you want to relive those moments? Why? Keep in mind that being who you want to be starts now. Finance your future. We deliberately moved to a smaller, more efficient home to save money for retirement funds. Our mortgage, tax and utility payments have all been significantly reduced. We have a shorter commute to work now which saves on gas. We carefully track our spending and follow a budget that allows for the future we want. We cook more, eat out less, take our coffee to go from home and pack lunches for work. Frugality can be fun, especially with long-range goals in mind. It’s exciting to watch our bank account grow instead of our possessions. We are in a better place to help our children with college expenses, and saving money allows us to work less and travel more.
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The empty nest is an opportunity to rejuvenate relationships. I cried tears of joy and sadness at my sons’s high school graduation ceremonies. Watching our children transition from childhood to adulthood is bittersweet, exciting and at the same time nerve-wracking. I’m learning to give my sons space to learn from their own mistakes and offer less uninvited advice. I’m discovering that I thoroughly enjoy the time we spend together now as adults and friends. My love and I are adjusting to having more time alone together. We’re learning to see this new season as an opportunity to intentionally grow closer to each other. Embrace change as opportunity. Each move and every milestone toward becoming empty nesters has given us another opportunity to grow a little closer to becoming the people we want to be. It is thrilling to create a living space and lifestyle that give us the freedom to do things we’ve dreamed of for years. As another year is underway, we are again filling the gratitude jar one note at a time. We are looking forward to new changes, new opportunities to choose a life free of clutter and full of hope and meaning.
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... Jennifer Tritt is an academic counselor at a community college, has recently adopted a minimalist lifestyle, and is passionate about sharing her experiences at No Sidebar.
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Find Your Flow to Declutter Your Mind by CHANTAL HO UDE
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How is your mental space today? Are your thoughts calm, inspiring, flowing with ease, supportive of your goals and desired lifestyle? Or are your ideas jumbled? Is your mind in a rut, stuck on thoughts that constrict your worldview and hold you back? It’s not often that we consider these types of questions in our outwardlyfocused society, and finding the answers can be hard if we’re unable to slow down our thoughts enough to get a good look at their content. But it is an important line of inquiry, especially considering new developments in neuroscience that support the theory of neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity is our brain’s ability to build neural pathways based on our environment, including what and how we think. Significantly, neuroplasticity suggests that we have the power to change deep-seated patterns in our lives by actively working to change our thoughts. This enables us to transform our habits and behaviors so they’re more supportive of the type of life and quality of relationships we want to have. The first step to being able to change your thoughts is, ironically, to stop thinking so much. In our everyday lives, our minds become crowded with worries, to-do lists, stories, and memories. And it’s not until we bring a greater awareness to our mental processes that we begin to recognize the congested state of mind we function in. Many of us have become so accustomed to living with
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a cluttered head that we may not be familiar with the sense of clearmindedness and focus. About ten years ago, I had some significant health challenges that required me to slow down and examine my lifestyle more objectively. After so many years spent striving for perfectionism and chasing external goals, the change of pace felt really good. One of the first things I noticed by practicing stillness in my physical body was that I developed a deeper awareness of my thoughts. As I learned how to regularly check in on my mental state, it soon become evident that I had a lot going on up there most, if not all of the time. I also recognized that I wasn’t ever really choosing my thoughts. Many of them were entering my mind unbidden, in rapid succession. Sometimes they were dark, overly critical of myself or others, even upsetting. Around that time, I sorted through all of my physical belongings in preparation for a move overseas and I was feeling the lightness of holding on to only those belongings that I really valued. I decided to do the same for my thoughts, to declutter them by weeding out and removing what wasn’t necessary or helpful, decreasing the quantity and improving the quality of my thought life. As a starting point, I began to draw my attention to times when I experienced fewer thoughts, especially fewer negative thoughts. I reflected on what activities led me to what I called beingness: a letting go of effort, a
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sense of absorption, sometimes timelessness. If you’ve ever been lost in your favorite pastime or at work, you’ve probably experienced this as well. I noticed that I experience this mental state in some of my favorite everyday activities, simple things like exercising, journaling, having a really great conversation with someone, reading a captivating book, and studying. When I participate in these activities, the noise of the world and the clutter of my thoughts seem to fade into the background as I become absorbed in the task at hand. Athletes sometimes refer to this state as being in the zone, where there is a sense of integration of mind, body and the world around you. Positive psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi characterized it as the flow state. This immersive state in which our consciousness releases the compulsive need to narrate our actions, track time and grasp at possible outcomes can be incredibly nourishing. Csíkszentmihályi held that, when practiced regularly, the flow state can equate to more happiness, productivity and creativity. With new understanding of this mindset, I chose to enter it more regularly to clear my thoughts. As I separated myself from my brain more often, I began to notice when my mind was pulling me ahead into the future or back to the past, or when it was getting stuck in unhelpful circular thinking. I saw how these thought patterns were moving me away from my power to make healthy decisions.
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There are an endless number of ways that you can achieve a state of flow because, theoretically, it’s possible to experience it during any activity. Csíkszentmihályi suggests that there must be a certain level of skill and challenge involved—enough that you feel confident in the activity. It’s important to eliminate distractions and focus on the task at hand. Ongoing internal feedback on your performance increases your ability to maintain the state of flow. With these guidelines in hand, try some of the suggestions below to begin finding space in your mind for the flow state. Get playful. Any activity or hobby that brings you into a focused state may have the power to tune you into the flow. This can include creative pursuits like drawing and singing, reading, socializing with family or friends, or playing a board game. If the activity is done without an end or purpose in mind, but simply for the sake of enjoyment, the flow state may be achieved even more readily. Write it out. Journaling can quickly generate a state of flow and is an efficient way to clear some of your mental clutter. By writing your thoughts out, especially first thing in the morning, you not only give them a healthy route to escape your mind, but you also position yourself to see them more clearly.
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Awareness allows for further expansion of the mind and, with practice, the freedom to consciously choose your thoughts so they align with your goals and lifestyle. Try freewriting your thoughts out as they occur. Give yourself just five minutes to start, and don’t be concerned with spelling, grammar or any type of censoring. Gradually build up to longer sessions as you become more comfortable with the exercise. Sleep it off. This is a bit of an unorthodox suggestion but in my opinion, being asleep is the ultimate experience of flow. We lose complete sense of time, body and self as the conscious mind switches off completely. It also increases your capacity to integrate life experiences. Sleep is necessary for your brain to processes and store memories and emotions, freeing up space for other tasks during waking hours. When we are sleep deprived, even the smallest decision becomes difficult, which makes our brains work overtime and leads to disordered thinking and mind clutter. Get into your body. Settling into your physical body by engaging with sensory experiences is one of the fastest ways to get into a flow state. By fully tuning into the senses of sound, taste, smell, touch and sight, we gently encourage our minds to join our bodies in the present moment. You may remember feeling the sense of suspended time and thought while playing sports, immersed in nature, during sex, or even while enjoying a delicious meal.
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These are all activities that involve the senses more than intellect. Practice entering this state of heightened sensory awareness by really listening to the vibrations of your favorite music, moving your body in a way that feels satisfying, spending time in a visually inspiring landscape or savoring your favorite meal. Take a vacation in a new spot. Travel offers an opportunity to enjoy several of the experiences above at the same time, including vivid sensory engagement, playfulness, and rest. Vacation time also provides a break from our everyday responsibilities which naturally releases the thoughts related to those tasks. Exploring a new place makes it possible to experience a sense of wonder at the world around you. This state of awe opens our mind and encourages learning which then can bring us into a flow state. These suggestions are all practices that will help you enter the state of flow and create space in your mind. You may discover other ideas that help you find your flow or know how you’ve found it in the past. The great thing about seeking this state is that it will create a feedback loop; the more you practice it, the more the brain adapts. Mental activity is repatterned and the prefrontal cortex—the part of your brain responsible for awareness, concentration and decision-making—may grow, making it even easier to achieve a higher level of clear-headed, focused consciousness.
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With greater awareness, we can begin to make some changes to the content of our thoughts and be more selective about which ones we will entertain. Though unhelpful thoughts still enter my mind on occasion, when I take time for flow in my life, I have a greater ability to release them. I don’t contemplate them for any longer than I’d like. I’m able switch my focus to other ideas that help me move forward constructively. It takes effort to care for our lives and our minds are no exception. To be able to put forth the effort required to thrive, we must have the space and energy to do so. It’s much more challenging to nurture positive thoughts or to explore creative ideas when your thoughts are racing. Finding a state of flow on a regular basis will help you declutter your mind and enable you to give more mental space to what you value. ... Chantal Houde is an Ottawa-based yoga teacher who loves to travel, spend time in nature, and listen to music. She is a passionate whole-foodie and love connecting with people one-on-one. Chantal also enjoys sharing her story and the lessons she’s learned about life and wellness through writing.
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Helping Mom and Dad Downsize by MARGIT NOVACK, NASM M
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Sometimes it starts with a phone call at 2 a.m., “your mom had a stroke.” Sometimes it’s a gradual worsening of chronic conditions. But at some point, your parents may have to say goodbye to their beloved house. The home that hosted so many family thanksgivings, where everyone gathered to open Christmas stockings, that proudly showcases each child’s handcrafted creations is too much for them to care for. In light of this abrupt change and loss, your parents’ world will turn upside down. And you may be faced with the immense task of helping them through it all. As a Senior Move Manager with 20 years of experience, I’ve helped thousands of families navigate the choppy waters of helping parents move. Maybe you’re in the midst of this situation right now, or maybe it’s just around the corner. I’ve seen families drawn together by the experience, and I’ve seen families torn apart. That’s why we created nine proven tips to help simplify the decision-making process, preserve your parent’s sense of control and respect their need to reminisce. When I work with families, I encourage all siblings and family members to read these tips so that everyone is focused on the same goal—honoring Mom and Dad. These guidelines will help you through this difficult transition so that your family peace is protected and your loved ones can focus on enjoying precious moments together.
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Nine Tips to Downsizing and Relocating 1. Let your parents’ emotional and physical comfort guide the process. Most likely, you will have different priorities from your parents. And you and your siblings may have differing agendas among yourselves. These separate priorities create conflict just when family unity is needed most. Remember that honoring your parents includes honoring their agenda. Seemingly insignificant items may be loaded with personal meaning and memories for your parents. And objects of great material value may be less important. They may prefer old, worn objects to newer ones in better condition. Respect their decisions. Dealing with the physical and mental loss that often accompanies old age, your mom and dad may cling fiercely to their independence and sense of control. They may have a sequence in which they need to proceed that differs from your own. If books are very special to your parents, for example, they may need to determine what will happen to the volumes they’re leaving behind before they can focus on other issues. Attempting to force your parents to proceed in a sequence that doesn’t address their priorities usually results in arguments and inattention.
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2. Try to replicate the old environment. Your parents will be experiencing a lot of change. It will be comforting to have some things stay the same. Take photos of each shelf in the china closet, the arrangement of pictures on the wall, and the items on bureaus and end tables. The photos will help you recreate the feel of the former home with speed and accuracy, and will make the new residence feel more like home. 3. Focus on sorting, not packing. Preparing for a senior move is a major organizational challenge. There may be decades of belongings to sort through in attics, basements, spare rooms and closets. In addition to what will be moved to your parents’ new home, things may need to go to family members across the country, as well as to the church bazaar, donation centers, charities, auction houses and the township dump. Helping your parents sort and organize their belongings is the single most important thing you can do to reduce stress, save money, and ensure a smooth move. 4. Accept their gifts. I was reminded of this at the funeral of my friend’s grandmother. “Things were important to my grandmother,” Lisa said. She told me that her grandmother had lived through the Great Depression, and then years later, buried both of her children. In the face of so much loss, Lisa’s
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Grandmother had held onto what she could. When she moved at age 88, she offered to give Lisa many of her cherished things. But Lisa didn’t need the items. Honestly, she didn’t like them and she had no space to store them. “I said no to everything,” Lisa told me. “Today, I regret those decisions. It’s not that I’ve grown to like the things she offered. It’s that I was thinking of myself, and I should have been thinking about her." Your parents will be saying goodbye to a great deal. Knowing that cherished objects, and even ordinary items, are with family members eases their sense of loss. If they give you things, even things you don’t like, accept them graciously. Store them in the basement if you must. Conversely, if your parents are warehousing things that belong to you or your siblings, take them now so your mom and dad don’t need to worry about them during the move. 5. Be tactful. Poor health, caregiving duties and failing eyesight can result in housekeeping practices that are less stringent than they once were. Tactfully clean things as you sort, and avoid making your parents feel embarrassed. If you find clothing that is torn or stained, suggest a donation site that recycles textiles. Take worn towels to the local animal shelter. Knowing that things will be used, regardless of their condition, will be a comfort to your parents.
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6. Let your parents say good-bye. Keep sorting sessions brief— 2-3 hours at the most. This may be difficult when you come to town for a weekend and plan to blitz through things. But constant decision-making is exhausting and marathon sorting sessions usually result in diminishing returns. Accept that some days you will accomplish less than you had hoped for and let your parents enjoy their recollections. The sorting process brings up memories, so stories and reminiscing are natural. Studies show that reminiscing calms people and reduces stress. You may find that after telling a story, your parents are able to focus more on decision-making. In short, storytelling is a productivity tool, not a hindrance. Listen respectfully, ask questions. Remember that in the long run, it is your parents’ stories—not their belongings—that you will cherish. 7. Be realistic about how much time you can devote to the process. If your parents live in the family home, allow 60-80 hours for the downsizing process, and 20 hours for items not going with them. Helping them pack, move, unpack and settle into their new home will take about 50-80 hours. If your time is limited, focus on doing fun things with your parents and providing emotional support. Hire a professional Senior Move Manager to help with the rest.
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8. Concentrate on the big picture. You have a lot on your plate including your own home, family, job, and even caregiving responsibilities. All this can add to your stress regarding your parents move and distract you from the big picture. Conflicts sometimes develop between siblings over the dispersion of items, and more frequently, over the sharing of caregiving duties. As you work with your parents and siblings, keep three objectives equally in mind: caring for your parents, taking care of yourself, and keeping the family intact. 9. Hire a Senior Move Manager. Downsizing and moving are challenging tasks, but you don’t have to do it alone. A Senior Move Manager can provide expert planning, proven resources and hands-on help to take the work and worry out of moving. Most Senior Move Managers provide a free, no-obligation home visit. For NASMM members throughout the U.S. and Canada, visit National Association of Senior Move Managers (www.nasmm.org). NASMM members must meet insurance and educational requirements and adhere to the NASMM Code of Ethics.
Home is More Than Four Walls The home James shared with his wife was filled with the artwork, vases, sculpture, china, silver pieces and miniatures they had collected on their travels around the world. After his wife died, James was comforted by the
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things that connected the two together in memory. From his favorite chair, he could see the Turkish vase she had fallen in love with in Istanbul. The tile painting on the mantel displayed the same beach in Mexico where their grandchild touched the ocean for the first time. At age 79, James couldn’t travel or drive anymore. Even the rutted sidewalks in his neighborhood had become too difficult to navigate. James knew it was time to move to a retirement community. But the new apartment didn’t have the space to hold all his wife’s things. Cindy, one of the NASMM Move Managers, sat down with James and listened as he told stories of world-wide adventures. Cindy knew that James would never be able to throw any of the treasures away. But donating them to causes that aligned with his wife’s values would comfort him with the fact that they would be enjoyed by others. Cindy recommended special charities that she thought would connect with James. His wife’s clothing and household items were donated to a shelter to help abused women begin new lives. A pet rescue organization entered valuable collectibles at a charity auction. It took more time to sort the possessions this way but it was the right process for James. Cindy expected James would forget to eat on move day, just when he needed nourishment the most. So on move day, Cindy brought him coffee, donuts, and milk for his cereal. She made sure he ate a sandwich at lunch.
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After unpacking, James thanked Cindy, saying his new home was "perfect." Although much smaller than his prior home, he was surrounded by things he and his wife had collected. It felt like home. James had left the house, but he took the memories with him. ... Margit Novack is President of Moving Solutions, and Founding President of the National Association of Senior Move Managers (NASMM). She is a leader and pioneer in the Senior Move Management industry. Margit is a sought-after speaker and has often been featured in national media on topics related to senior relocation, family transitions, downsizing and creating legacy. She has developed multiple training programs to educate individuals interested in this growing field, and she was the first recipient of NASMM’s prestigious Margit Novack Award for Excellence in Senior Move Management.
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Befriending Inconvenience by ELI SSA WATT S
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I’m sitting here alone, fingers tapping away, trying to keep warm in the chilly basement of a six-bedroom house. Six months ago, my husband and I carted our two kids and newborn baby here to Toronto, barreling across North America in a minivan, our possessions flooding the trunk and lining the space between seats. That was last August. If you look back further in our family’s story, you might assume that we have a thing for traveling or that we’re quite fond of inconvenient living. You’d be correct on both fronts. Sort of.
Gypsy Minimalism A few years living in Scotland were followed by thirteen months traipsing the west coast of Canada, exploring smoky Tennessee, and frolicking in sunny Australia—all with kids in tow. Our lives packed neatly into two duffel bags and three carry-on suitcases: clothing, toys, books—everything. Gypsy minimalism, I like to call it. Last spring, we returned to Vancouver from Down Under and, a few months later, welcomed a baby girl into our family. Three and a half weeks later, we hit the road for Toronto and—voila!—here I sit, typing in a cold basement.
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You may be scratching your head and wondering why anyone would choose to live this way. Two words: necessity and academia. The gist is that between returning from a five-year scholastic stint in Scotland and securing a position in Toronto, we had no permanent home. Our housing plans fell through unexpectedly and we had to get creative. I wrote a family press release and turned it loose on the internet. Doors literally opened for us. We had almost no money; we paid almost no rent. Necessity is the mother of invention, says an English proverb. Our family’s unique need for a home gave birth to a wild invention indeed: a community living experiment that is still playing out to this day. We’re currently sharing this six-bedroom home with another family of five—ten people, one beguiling cat named Cupcake, one functioning shower and many a curveball. As you can imagine, this lifestyle is thoroughly inconvenient. There are headaches galore. But surprisingly, life is more vivid now than ever before. Where many see absurd scarcity, there is great abundance.
An Inconvenient Life Life began shifting into inconvenient territory a little over six years ago. My husband and I uprooted our family so that he could wrangle himself a
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PhD in history. I kissed my secure job goodbye. While Steve poured over manuscripts, I occupied myself with raising a healthy butterball named Isaac. That first year was a brutal contrast to convenient life in Canada. Basic household comforts didn’t exist in student housing. Suddenly, our life was an exercise in involuntary asceticism. • No dishwasher or dryer. • No car or garage. • No bedroom for our baby boy. • No functioning freezer. • No television. • No friends or family for miles. Lord, it was inconvenient. You know those chic minimalist homes in magazines? The ones that ooze style? Not this place. It was simply empty and cold. Gone was our plush
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comfort zone. We were trapped in a one-bedroom apartment with tiny windows and icy floors. I wanted out. I wanted a quick fix. A massive shopping spree would have ironed out the wrinkles and smoothed our transition but we couldn’t purchase our way out of misery. Our student loans dispelled the idea, plus, we had little room to store anything.
Empty Home, Cluttered Heart The space was empty but my head and heart were packed with cluttered thoughts—frustration, loneliness, fatigue, confusion and envy. There was no escape. At first, it was awful and I felt like such a pansy. Routine tasks were my nemesis. Never-ending baby laundry? Three meals a day?! Heaven help me. So much time and energy was required simply to make the household function. Along with culture-shock, depression rolled in like fog over the North Sea. I wept. I prayed. Some days I pinned my loneliness on the clothesline and left my thoughts outside to dry with the laundry. Other times I rolled up my sleeves and sorted sorrow into piles as I washed and stacked our
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humble dishes. I wished I could just toss my troubles into a machine, push a button and walk away.
Light Creeps In Slowly, inconvenient housework transformed into therapy. I swallowed my sense of entitlement and resolved to take life head on without the help of gadgets and appliances. The familiar routine allowed me to sift through my mental and emotional clutter, and tidy up my interior life. My hands were tied to the sink for hours, providing moments to breathe, think, imagine. Somewhere between the dark Scottish nights and the blushing spring mornings, I fell in love with our inconvenient life. The domestic liturgy forged in me a steady resilience. Where I once saw obstacles, I found opportunities. By the time the daffodils sprung up, I was a different woman: Elissa Joy Watts, a tenacious mother, a woman with grit and dishwater hands.
Inconvenience as Teacher Looking back, I see now that five years of overcoming inconvenient living served us in ways we couldn’t fathom. It’s a good thing, too, because life across the pond held all kinds of nonsense.
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• A grand mal seizure. • A housing crisis. • A tearful goodbye. • A lost job opportunity. • An unplanned pregnancy. • A scary hospital trip at the 36-week mark. A very, very inconvenient year, basically. The events shook us to the core but the practice of inconvenient living gave my husband and I the perspective to see our situation as the opportunity that it was. • An opportunity to live by faith. • To be vulnerable. • To practice empathy. • To ask for help. • To step into creativity.
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• To trust.
The Magic Not long after arriving back in Canada, a simple line drawing hijacked my attention and reminded me of a familiar truth. Two circles sat on a stark white page. One circle contained the words "Your Comfort Zone" and occupied nearly half the sheet. The other circle was tiny, too small to contain its description. It sat perched in the corner of the page labeled with an arrow and four little words: Where The Magic Happens. The words struck hard and left me buzzing. The idea wasn’t a new revelation but sometimes the truth rushes in with excellent timing.
Comfort Is Not King Why do so many of us opt for big homes, ones akin to the larger circle? Why do we clutter our lives with possessions designed to take the sting out when kicking excess and befriending a little routine keeps life entertaining, strengthens our character, lessens our footprint, and saves us money? Comfort zones can store a lot of clutter but magic is hard to come by. Forever collecting commodities to buff the rough edges off our day-to-day
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life misses the point of life itself: to work hard, gain wisdom, age gracefully, make it through to the other side of life’s difficulties and offer something to the next generation. You may have to catapult far from familiar convenience and land in a cramped circle in order for the fun to begin. This is what I know to be true. In her masterpiece “Daring Greatly,” Brené Brown says hope is a function of struggle. She’s right. (Brené is always right.) Struggling our way through an inconvenient life is a trustworthy path to the real good life, the one marked by hope, satisfaction, abundance, and—bonus!—minimal clutter. No grit, no pearl. Inconvenience gets a bad reputation, and rightly so. It can bring out the worst in people. In our comfort-driven culture, our lives can easily become marked by excess, apathy, selfishness and fear of losing what we have. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Intentionally adopting a life of less—an inconvenient life—can yield fruit for those who choose to see their lack as a possibility.
Embracing Inconvenience in Small Doses You need not toss away all your possessions, move house every few weeks, or do away with practical household appliances to embrace an
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inconvenient life. Try folding these simple practices into your everyday routine and see how they transform your life. Take the stairs: Assuming you’re able, opting to take the stairs is a practical yet inconvenient exercise. Yes, it takes longer and, yes, it’s more work. But you’ll experience an endorphin rush at the top and easily justify spreading extra butter on your croissant or sipping that second glass of red. It’s not a coincidence that Parisian buildings lack elevators. Ditch the devices: Parents fall back on glowing rectangles from time to time to entertain their little ones. It’s convenient in times of need. But intentionally letting them rest and wind down is a necessary discipline. Inconvenient? Absolutely, especially during the witching hour. When the going gets tough, keep your eyes on the long-term benefits for the whole family. Use the opportunity as a chance to connect with those you love most. Bake bread: No bread hooks. No pre-packaged mixes. No bread machines. Roll up your sleeves and party like it’s 1899. Are the kids bored? Enroll them in helping to measure the ingredients. Are you feeling stressed? Knead away, friend. Are you exhausted from being up all night with a teething baby? Me too. Let’s nap while the dough rises. There’s a reason bread’s been around for generations.
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... Elissa Watts is a freelance writer and the co-founder of Experience JOMO, a workshop that invites people to live purposefully and redeďŹ ne their relationship with technology. Currently based in Toronto, Canada, she is busy raising three children next to her strapping husband, Dr. Watts. She documents her peculiar journey with words and pictures on Instagram.
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A 1971 Plymouth GTX and a Battle of Priorities by BRI AN GAR DNER
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The boy’s grandfather, an unassuming man with nimble hands, had worked as a mechanic for forty years. He always had a couple of old cars parked in the backyard or under the carport, and he'd invite his son, Dallin, to tag along as he tinkered with the cars on the weekends or—occasionally, when Dallin was really lucky—late into the night with a bare, yellow light bulb dangling above the engine. Dallin studied hard in school, wanting to make his parents proud. He went to a good college and landed himself a solid job in corporate America—a far cry from the humble lifestyle his parents had provided him. Now Dallin had his own son, Alex—8 years old and the spitting image of his grandpa, the mechanic. Cars were in the boy's blood. Old automobiles weren’t stashed around their property, but Dallin taught Alex the names of the cars they saw on the road. Sometimes, they traveled locally to see car shows so Dallin could teach his boy about the classics.
The One that Stuck “Hey Alex,” Dallin said one evening as the family finished up the dinner dishes. “If you could have any car, what would it be?” His dad expected him to name a modern car. Something slick and fast, like a Tesla Model S. “Easy,” Alex answered with a smile. “A 1971 Plymouth GTX.”
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Dallin smiled to himself while loading the last dish into the dishwasher. Dad would be proud, he thought, picturing the boy's grandpa who had passed away unexpectedly a year before. That night, Dallin got online and ordered Alex a poster of a 1971 Plymouth GTX. When it arrived, they unrolled it together and pinned it up in Alex's room. “It looks good, Dad,” said Alex, his eyes glowing as they stood back to admire it. “Thanks.” Dallin could tell Alex really meant it.
A New Season It was about that time that Dallin's career started to take off. He got a promotion—a C-suite title that he honestly hadn't been expecting. It was a blessing as his wife had just gotten pregnant with twin girls—the surprise of a lifetime, to say the least—bringing their number of kids to an even four. One boy, three girls. That was a lot of college tuition to save up for and they were going to need the money. Predictably, Dallin's time at the office increased. He and the kids didn't make it to many car shows anymore. Alex, though, held on to his love of cars. While other kids his age were collecting Pokemon cards, Alex was
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printing images of his favorite car and adding them to his bedroom wall alongside the poster from his dad. Dallin didn't miss Alex's continued love for cars, especially the Plymouth. He started casually keeping an eye online for something a little more exciting than a poster.
Something Shiny, Something Blue “Alex!” Dallin said one Saturday a few months later. “I've got something to show you, out in the garage.” In on the surprise, Dallin's mom gathered the twins (5 months old now) and Alex's little sister, and they all walked out to the garage. Alex's heart was beating so fast, but he tried to tell himself it could not be a car. It could NOT be a car, he repeated in his mind. Maybe a new bike... But there in the third garage bay that they rarely used sat a faded, royal blue, 1971 Plymouth GTX. “WHAT?” Alex whooped, jumping in place. “What is this doing here?” “It's ours,” his dad answered. “It needs a lot of work, of course, but that's the fun of it. I figured we could use a good challenge. What do you think?”
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“I love it!” Alex exclaimed, wrapping his arms around his dad's waist and then his mom's. “Can I sit in it?” The whole family piled in. The car wasn't drivable, but it was backed into the garage, so Dallin opened the garage door and helped everyone in. Alex took the driver's seat with his sister playing copilot, and Dallin and his wife slid onto the backseat with the twins. Alex ran his hands around the steering wheel in awe, and they all enjoyed the view of the neighborhood— from right where they sat, parked in the garage. That night, Alex and Dallin popped the hood and, under the fluorescent lighting of their garage and with the sky turning pink outside, got familiar with the engine. Dallin had already ordered a few parts they needed from a vendor that his own father had used. As soon as those parts arrived, Dallin and Alex had their first real work session, the kind where your hands get so dirty it spreads to your face. Alex was in heaven. And actually, Dallin was too. He only wished his dad could have been there to join in. After a few good father-and-son work sessions, the next part they needed was on backorder and would take weeks to arrive. Simultaneously, Dallin's company was purchased by a much larger one. The environment in the office intensified, as everyone—including him—wanted to prove their personal value to the executives that had acquired them. “Dad, do you want to work on the car this weekend?” Alex asked.
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“You know, Bud,” Dallin said, tousling Alex's hair. “We're still waiting for that part, and I've got to spend some time at work this weekend. Soon, though, okay?”
The Way Time Passes (I.e. Too Fast) Repeat that exchange a few more times and it wasn’t too much of a shock that nearly a decade passed without Dallin and Alex ever finishing the car. They worked on it when they could during those first couple of years, but the demands on Dallin time’s didn't let up, either at work or at home. And the years just... raced by, as they tend to do. Alex gradually stopped asking his dad to go out to the garage with him. It didn't help that Alex practically shot up two feet in two years and was recruited for club volleyball by seventh grade. He played varsity as a high school freshman and eventually helped lead his team to the state playoffs two years in a row. The printouts of cars came down from his walls, replaced by volleyball memorabilia and even a couple of photos of him and his first real girlfriend. He never had the heart to take down the poster of the Plymouth, though. He felt a little bit like it was sacred, and he still quietly hoped that someday he'd get to drive the car that was now covered in the garage.
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Awoken It was at a pep rally, of all places, that it hit Dallin. Alex—a senior now, just months away from graduation—and his volleyball team were being honored for their excellent season. Dallin had taken an hour off, spur-ofthe-moment, to make the pep rally. He'd woken up that morning feeling like it was just something he needed to do. Sitting there on the indoor bleachers, he finally realized how much time had slipped by—and how little time he and Alex had left. Tears leaked from his eyes as he watched Alex bump shoulders with his friends down in the middle of the gymnasium. When he got home from work late that evening, he parked in the garage as usual then walked over to the Plymouth, tugging up a corner of the cover to take in the rusted paint job and missing hubcap. This summer is your last chance, he said to himself. Alex would be going away to college in just a few months. Dallin felt a shift inside himself: He'd given his career ten of the most valuable years of Alex's life. Business calls, appointments, networking dinners, and work trips had cluttered up his life so much that he'd essentially lost track of the things that mattered most: his relationships. He'd done his best to be a good dad, of course, but suddenly he could see which way the scales had really tipped.
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A week later he requested three months of personal leave from his job— and was surprised and grateful to get it. For now, he needed total separation in order to see his life more clearly. And besides, he had a project in mind. When Alex came home one evening, he noticed the cover was off the car. "Hey Dad, you got plans for the Plymouth?" he asked. "Yeah, Bud," Dallin answered. "It's about time we got this thing in driving shape. You think you'll have some time this summer to work on it?" Admittedly, Alex fought against a part of himself that wanted to say no just because his dad had said the same so many times before. But he loved the Plymouth and how it reminded him of his grandpa... And even though he'd been let down by his dad sometimes, he loved his dad too. “I think I could do that,” Alex said, a smile starting to spread across his face.
Summer Under the Hood Sometimes Alex couldn't join his dad because he had a summer job and friends, and college to get ready for. But whenever he could, he'd walk out to the garage and find his dad tinkering at their work table or sprawled under the belly of the Plymouth.
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All in all, they worked hard that summer—and clocked more hours together than Alex could ever remember spending with his dad. The day they got it driving felt like an adrenaline rush just as good as any of his volleyball games. Maybe better. At the end of the summer, Dallin and Alex drove the Plymouth to a paint shop, where the crew took it from faded and rusty to vibrant and sleek.
A Parting “Dad,” Alex said, an oversized duffle bag slung across his shoulder, “Should I load my stuff in your car or Mom's?” It was the day Alex would be moving three hours away for college. “You know,” Dallin answered, trying to keep his expression unreadable. “Why don't you put it in the Plymouth?” With that, he grinned and held out the keys to Alex, who stood looking like the world had just tilted on its axis. “It was yours all along, Alex,” Dallin said to him. “I'm just glad we finally made time to finish it.”
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... Brian Gardner is the founder of No Sidebar, a collaborative blog about minimalism, simple living, and ďŹ nding happiness. He is a believer in authenticity and living with purpose. Brian passes the time by listening to music, writing poetry, and web design.
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Colophon Becoming Minimalist — becomingminimalist.com Becoming Minimalist is designed to inspire others to journey towards minimalism in life... discovering the joy of intentionally living with less... and realizing what that means for your unique lifestyle. No Sidebar — nosidebar.com No Sidebar is a collaborative blog about minimalism, simple living, and happiness. We want to help you turn down the noise that disrupts the quiet of your heart and mind and soul.
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