Spark_2018 by Dina Landau

FALL

T H E

2018

R A Y I M

M A G A Z I N E

Reigniting Embers Into Glorious Flames

SPARKS

FA L L

2 0 1 8

M AGA Z I N E

A project by Rayim, Inc. Editorial

Sarah Kraus

Rabbi Jacob Freund, Founder & CEO

Sarah Kraus Executive Director

Editorial Board Editorial Director

Israel Kraus Editor-in-Chief

M. Deutsch Project Manager

Dini Landau Contributing Editor

Ruchel Einhorn Graphic Design & Layout DPMG GROUP 845.782.3382

Seasonal Sparks By: Israel Fried

Performing on Par By: Chani Rosenberg

Determined by Determination By: R. Schiff

Controversies in Modern Medicine... By: M. Deutsch

By: Michal Klein

Life, Loss, Love and a Little Laughter By: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

You Never Know

By: Chavi Nussbaum

Rayim, Inc. Central Location:

By: Israel Fried

Drama in Verdict

Listen to the Silence By: M. Deutsch

Rockland Location:

By: R. Einhorn

50 Melnick Dr. Monsey, NY 10952 Phone: 845-352-7700

Neshamaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;le

Williamsburg Location:

Ride Along

Pillars of Strength

By: Malky Stein

Rayim's Bulletin Board

Boro Park Location:

By: Adina Jacobs

4620 18th Ave. Brooklyn, NY 11204 Phone: 718-946-7700 Ext. #330

Potential

Web: www.rayim.org Email: info@rayim.org

By: Israel Fried

2 Van Buren Dr.| Monroe NY 10950 Phone: 845-782-7700 | Fax: 845-782-7800

62 Rutledge St. #102 Brooklyn, NY 11211 Phone: 718-946-7700

Super Human

By: Malky Stein

Sparkling for Siblings By: Malky Stein

At the Platform

Sparks in Perspective: Sparks Magazine. Published by Rayim, Inc. A non-profit agency providing services for people with disabilities in the State of New York. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part, in any form without the prior written permission from publisher is strictly prohibited. Sparks and Rayim assume no responsibility for the contents of the articles and opinions expressed in the articles.

GIVE YOUR CHILD A CHANCE OF ACHIEVEMENT Rayimâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s dynamic services will enable your child to discover their hidden potentials.

WEB: WWW.RAYIM.ORG

EMAIL: INFO@RAYIM.ORG

FAX: 845-782-7800

BORO PARK } 4620 18th Ave. Brooklyn, NY 11204 Phone: 718.946.7700 Ext. 330 WILLIAMSBURG } 62 Rutledge St. #101 Brooklyn, NY 11249 Phone: 718.946.7700 ORANGE COUNTY } 2 Van Buren Dr. #101 Monroe, NY 10950 Phone: 845.782.7700 ROCKLAND COUNTY } 50 Melnick Dr. Monsey, NY 10952 Phone: 845.352.7700

‫בס"ד‬

Sarah Kraus Executive Director

B’ezras Hashem

Dear Readers, It is with tremendous gratitude to the ‫ רבוש"ע‬that

all need to be named? The answer is simple, What’s

we take pen in hand to write an Introduction to yet

or thing. It defines the nature of its existence and

another issue of Sparks Magazine. Originally this

fundamental purpose. By giving each star a name

magazine was meant to send forth sparks of light

‫ השי"ת‬pointed to the unique existence of each and

to the Families we so dearly serve and to others in

every star out there, whether its seen or not seen,

similar situations, but in fact, it also adds sparks

whether we understand its importance or not.

of chizuk and motivation to all of us at Rayim, and

They all have a mission. Each and every star is

encourages us in our mission to reach and assist as

magnificent and wondrous, with each of them

many individuals as possible.

having a unique purpose.

in a name? A name reflects the essence of a being

B”H, It is now 11 years that we have the '‫זכי‬

The comparison of Avraham Avinu’s future

to be of support to individuals in need; eleven

generations to stars indicates the importance

years of working together with unstoppable

and greatness of every individual member of the

determination, from milestone to milestone.

Jewish nation. Each soul is a universe unto itself,

When we look back, we are filled with happiness

as ‫ חז"ל‬teach us: “One who saves a single person of

and pride in our continuous progress, and in the

klal Yisroel, it is as if he has saved an entire world.”

accomplishments that have made a difference and

The stars teach us an additional lesson. Every star sends forth its own light, and in much the

improved the lives of so many. The number 11 reminds us of the the 11 stars

same way, every individual has his or her own

which represent klal Yisroel. The stars have an

unique light, gi¢s and ‫ כוחות הנפש‬to contribute to

important message for Klal Yisroel. When Avraham

the world. Whether we see it or not, we take a lesson

Avinu cried to Hashem that he was childless,

from the stars, that every person has a unique role

Hashem promised him that his children would

that he needs to fulfill. It is our responsibility to

one day amount to as many as the millions of stars

assist, support and to make those stars shine to

in the sky. One may wonder why the metaphor of

their utmost ability. At Rayim we take that responsibility with pride.

a star? Tehilim,

While we thank ‫ השי"ת‬for having that opportunity

“‫ מונה מספר לכוכבים לכולם שמות יקרא‬- He counts the

up until now, we continuously daven for ‫ הצלחה‬and

Dovid

Hamelech

says

Sefer

stars.” And gives each star a name, (Tehillim 147:4).

‫ סייעתא דשמיא‬to be able to continue to polish the

The question here is obvious, Why do stars need

stars of klal yisroel for years to come.

a name? There are millions and millions of stars that are not even seen, why in the world do they

Sincerely, S a r a h

K r a u s

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

S PA R K S

Seasonal Sparks

By: Israel Fried

couple came to a marriage counselor trying to resolve their differences. They quarreled constantly, fighting over every petty thing. They were polar opposites, their personalities

clashed and they had little tolerance of each other’s weaknesses. Neither of them was ever willing to budge or compromise. Needless to say, no one really believed this marriage could work, or that it was worth investing time and energy into it. This session was a last ditch effort on their part to see if the relationship was really irreparable. As they sat down, glaring at each other, the counselor posed a few questions to them. “Are you committed to each other? Do you want to do everything possible to make this work? Is your goal to live together in harmony for the rest of your lives?” He watched their expressions carefully, and then proceeded to explain. The strongest indicator of successful therapy was the willingness of both parties to sacrifice for the relationship. All differences could be bridged with the right determination. Based on their answer to his questions he would schedule further sessions. The relationship between Hashem and Klal Yisroel is compared to that of a marriage between a man and his wife. ‫ שיר השירים‬is a song of Ahava, an analogy of the loving relationship we have with our Father in heaven. In addition, Chazal tell us, that if

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thoughts and deeds to repair our relationship, and Hashem responds by welcoming our pleas, giving us the opportunity for teshuvah. We might have sinned, we might have erred in our ways, we might have forgotten our Father’s love reignite it. Despite the hardships

for us, but we can reconcile those

and ‘water under the bridge’ they

differences. The Ribono shel Olam,

are reminded that the potential to

recreate a beautiful relationship

offers us ‘therapy sessions’ called

exists.

‫עשרת ימי תשובה‬. It is up to us to

His

magnificent

kindness,

Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur

make the most of those precious

all of Tanach is considered ‫ קודש‬then

are around the corner. Elul is the

moments and come closer to Him,

‫ שיר השירים‬is ‫קודש קדשים‬. Chazal also

time we come to Hashem begging

express our love for Him during

tell us that while there lived many

that time.

a wise man, Shlomo Hamelech was

and to work on our ‘marriage’.

the ‫חכם מכל אדם‬, the wisest of all men.

Rosh Hashana, that’s the time

tears,

It therefore goes without saying

when Hashem asks us“, Are you

repentance

that Shlomo Hamelech’s words

committed to me? Are you willing

the holiest day of the year, Yom

are the most fitting analogy, the

to do everything it takes to come

Kippur. Bedecked in white like the

ultimate guide to our connection

back and reignite the spark in

malachim, secure in the knowledge

to the Ribono shel Olam.

reconcile

‘our

differences’

After

intense

soul-searching,

tefilos,

remorse

stand

and before

you that binds us?" Our answer

that Hashem has accepted our

experiences

resounds loudly, and determinedly,

teshuvah, secure in His all-loving

shalom bayis problems it takes a

when we crown Hashem as our

embrace, we bask in the glow of a

wise, skilled person to detect that

King by the tefilos of Malchiyos on

relationship that will sustain us for

tiny spark that still exists between

Rosh Hashana. It is the moment

the rest of our lives. A git gebencht

them, and to figure out how to

we recommit to sacrifice our

yuhr!

When

couple

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

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Performing

onPar A personal account of how a woman triumphs over spina bifida and blindness By: Chani Rosenberg

e human beings tend to put things in to categories in order to simplify and organize those things we can’t quantify in exact numbers or grades. Although spina bifida is

categorized as a ‘relatively common birth defect’, people who have been affected with the disability can testify that statistics and categories do li¤le in terms of mitigating or changing the difficulties. And, as someone who lives with spina bifida, I can tell you that there is no reason to live like a statistic. Life has so much more than a diagnosis to offer.

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"AND WHO WILL PICK HER UP WHEN SHE'S AN ADULT?" MY MOTHER SAID IN RESPONSE. Spina bifida is a birth defect affecting

that I was a good student. When I was

the spinal column, where an opening

only eighteen months old, I was already

remains in the tissue that is meant to

walking – albeit with a walker. At the age

form the neural shunt. This affects the

of three, I ‘dropped’ the walker, confident

central nervous system (brain and spinal

in my ability to walk without it.

cord), and depending on the severity, may

When it was time for me to enter school,

play out in different ways. In my case, the

my parents were determined that I a¤end

muscles in my legs are extremely weak and

a regular Bais Yaakov school – the same one

I wear leg braces to help me walk.

my sisters a¤ended. However, things were

But my parents refused to allow the

different in school than they were on the

disability to lord over my life. I would be

home front. The girls couldn’t understand

empowered; I wouldn’t become a passive

that although my legs looked different, my

victim of life’s vicissitudes. They’d use

mind worked just fine.

modern medicine, parental discretion,

While I wasn’t always an A+ student, I

and a healthy mix of firmness and

enjoyed learning, and I did well in school.

encouragement to make sure that I’d

When I was in the fi¢h grade, I started

utilize my capabilities: that I’d be normal.

becoming friendly with girls in other

My parents expected of me to perform on

classes. I was ge¤ing my first taste of

par with (or close to) children my own age

friendship. With that, came a newfound

– and that’s what I did!

sense of confidence in my ability to

I have a fuzzy image of when I was three

make friends. That, in turn, gave me

or four years old, which personifies that

the confidence I needed to pursue even

belief. My mother and her friend had taken

more friendships. So, while I sat in class,

a trip to the beach with me and I must have

trying to concentrate on my studies, I was

been walking at my usual slow pace, when

cognizant of the fact that the girls around

a man who’d been observing us began

me didn’t recognize my capabilities. But,

yelling at my parents to pick me up.

during lunch-time and breaks, I’d have a

“And who will pick her up when she’s an adult?” my mother said in response. My parents wouldn’t allow my life to be one long pity party.

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nice group of friends to chat with; friends who really cared about me. That was also the year I had an incredible teacher, Miss Schlazer*. This young teacher

Early intervention is key for people with

had taken it upon herself to make my

spina bifida, and I needed all the muscle

school year the best she could. She spent

strengthening I could get. I like to think

time talking to me, helped me with my

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

school work, got to know me, and

much more than a few bruises, we

the

showed me that she really cared.

were sent home. That ‘thorough

deteriorated. Before

At the same time, I had a lot of

exam’ would come back to haunt

long, even the words

new friends in another class – and

me less than a year later.

in my books on my desk

Unbeknownst to us, Hakadosh

not many in my own class.

situation

became blurred and illegible. I

“I want to switch to a parallel

Baruch Hu prepared the refuah

started writing very large le¤ers

class,” I told my parents. “I have

that would alleviate some of my

in my notes, so that I’d be able to

so many friends in that class.”

difficulties, before sending a new

read them easily. It didn’t help

I tried not to complain too much

challenge, another makkah my

much; my vision was disappearing

to my parents, but they knew

way.

– fast – and there was nothing I

about my ‘friendless’ situation at

“Now it’s time to switch classes,”

could do!

I told my parents as fi¢h grade

My parents took me to an eye

“That might be a good idea,”

drew to a close. “Miss Schlazer

doctor, and he recommended

they said. “But aren’t you going to

isn’t following me to sixth grade,

that

miss Miss Schlazer?”

and I want to be in the same class

check out my shunt. When I

as my friends.”

was a baby, I’d been diagnosed

school.

Hmm. That was a tough one.

have

neurosurgeon

Yes, of course I’d miss her. But, I so

My parents agreed and got

with hydrocephalus. This is a

very much wanted to be more

the principal on board. We all

condition where there is too much

than a fly on the wall.

hoped the switch would help my

cerebrospinal fluid in the brain

discussions,

fledgling friendships grow and

which doesn’t drain properly. I’d

deliberations, and decisions to

allow me greater acceptance with

had a shunt implanted to help

make, with plenty of pros and

my peers.

drain the fluid so that it wouldn’t

There

were

cons on each side of the divide.

Sixth grade started off with excitement

and

high

build up around the brain. The

neurosurgeon

found

In the end, I decided to stay put.

much

Switching classes mid-year wasn’t

expectations for an enhanced

that the shunt had broken –

something

and

school experience. The first few

presumably it had cracked during

having Miss Schlazer’s support

months of the school year were

the car accident. The broken shunt

meant a lot to me. I couldn’t give

indeed a huge step up from the

hadn’t allowed the fluid to drain.

that up so easily.

previous year. I felt liked, accepted,

Instead, the fluid had accumulated

and respected.

and was pressing against my optic

done

usually,

Another incident occurred that year – though we wouldn’t know

The bliss didn’t last too long.

nerve. The abnormal amount of

how significant the event was

By January of sixth grade, it was

pressure against the optic nerve

until much later. A family member

clear that I was facing yet another

was the culprit for my impaired

and I had been at a crosswalk, and

challenge.

vision, and unfortunately the

when we thought the coast was

complained that I couldn’t see the

clear, we stepped into the street.

board. My teacher switched my

By this time, most of my sight

At that moment, a car turned into

seat, hoping that closer proximity

was gone. Hashem was sending

the street, and threw both of us

to the board would increase

me another mountain to scale.

off our feet.

visibility.

first,

simply

damage was irreversible.

I underwent surgery to replace the shunt, but it

A¢er a quick hospital visit,

It didn’t. The board appeared to

where a thorough exam showed

me as an incomprehensible mass

did not help my vision

that we weren’t suffering from

of scribbles. what was worse,

improve.

Instead

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

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ruing

When it came to test taking and

it into my computer at home and

reports, my teachers had to come up

print it out in Braille. This allowed

with creative ideas to accommodate

me to take the test along with the

my needs. I had a clipboard with a

rest of the girls in my class.

world without the ability

bar, which allowed me to pinpoint

I did have to rely on my friends a

where one line began and the next

bit to complete homework, but they

one ended. I wrote in the space

made me feel special about the help

home and my block were all

provided, moving the paper along

they were giving me. They never let

the bars as I finished each line.

me to feel like a burden.

the have

‘could beens’

concentrated ge¤ing

know

to rely on sight. The

school

building,

familiar to me. But, they were so

Additionally, with each passing

very different when I couldn’t see.

One teacher had me write up a

I learned how to use a walking

report on my Braille typewriter

year,

stick, and how to compensate for

and hand it in to her in Braille. She

offered me simpler ways to be

my lack of sight by utilizing my

then used my Braille code sheet to

independent and productive in a

other senses. People sometimes

‘translate’ what I had wri¤en. Talk

world designed for a seeing person.

ask if my other senses are stronger.

about devotion!

For her weekly

A¢er I graduated high school, I

The answer is that I maximize my

quizzes, she pre-recorded questions

worked in a kiruv school and my

other senses because I cannot use

on a tape and allowed me to

job was to test girls on things they

my sight, and I don’t think they

respond by recording my answers.

should know by heart (like brachos).

are necessarily stronger than the

Some teachers preferred I answer

I also tutored girls in English and

average person’s senses.

tests orally. My elementary math

Hebrew, following along with their

My loss of vision meant that

teacher tested me verbally on easy

reading material on Braille text.

schoolwork became a much bigger

math facts (I didn’t follow along

While still working at this job, I

struggle. Baruch Hashem I had a

with complicated math equations,

got married, and a¢er my son was

lot of support from both the staff,

algebra, and the like).

born, turned into a full-fledged

advances

technology

homemaker.

and my friends – but there was a

At one point, we had a program

lot they couldn’t do for me. Today,

where each girl had to write a

as a rule, if there’s something I can

hashgacha

which

cooking. There’s an app on my phone

do on my own – no ma¤er how

would then be read to the class.

that helps me identify food items,

difficult it may be – I do it on my

My teacher encouraged me to do

and as I unpack my grocery order,

own. This allows me to retain my

this. I wrote up a story and then,

I use it to know what I’m holding

independence and prevents my

my teacher read it to the class. I

and where to place it. Then, I label

family and friends from feeling

worked with whatever options my

the item for easy recognition while

"used".

teachers gave me; I certainly wasn’t

I’m cooking. Some ingredients

looking for the easy way out.

(which have specific shapes) don’t

day before she’d give a test. I’d put

and tests.

parents

hired

Braille

pratis

story,

I’m quite domesticated and enjoy

teacher who taught me the Braille

When I was in high school, I got a

require special labeling, but for

alphabet, and later, a family friend

computer that could convert Braille

things like spices, cans, cartons

took over and taught me Braille

to regular print, and vice versa.

and the like, this is very helpful. I

numbers

and

Braille markups on the keyboard

only use electricity when cooking,

symbols. I also got a device which

and audio prompts allowed me to

no gas fires. I have a convection

enabled me to type in Braille and

operate it independently. One of my

oven, a crockpot, cooker, egg boiler,

take notes in class, and I then used

teachers would prepare her tests on

and many other gadgets, which

those notes to study for quizzes

a floppy disk (remember those?) a

facilitate my patchke in the kitchen

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punctuations,

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

HASHEM WAS SENDING ME ANOTHER MOUNTAIN TO SCALE. without resorting to an open flame. Going out is enjoyable for me – though I prefer to have someone accompany me on longer trips. I do take short trips to the grocery or other local stores on my own. Credit cards are my preferred method of payment when I shop, but when necessary I snap a quick picture of my bills with my phone, and it identifies which currency I’m

holding.

The

wonders

technology! Most of the time, though, I simply place phone orders like many others do. If I have to travel a longer distance, I make sure to reserve a seat on Access a Ride (city sponsored transportation for people with disabilities). When I use Access a Ride, I don’t feel a need to have anyone accompany me. A couple of years ago, when my son was already a teenager and didn’t quite need me as much as he did when he was younger, I decided to go back to school. I’d always dreamt of working with special needs children. I finally got my chance. A lot has changed since I was in high school. Nearly all books are

available in audio form (which are also enjoyed by the general population) and my computer can read almost anything. Professors email tests to me, which I then have my computer read out loud to me. I respond by typing with my Braille keyboard, which then converts to plain English for my professor’s ease of reading. It’s all pre¤y amazing! I barely have time to read in Braille during the week, so most of it is done on Shabbos. I get the Mishpacha magazine in the Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

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Braille version –

something

the Sarah Schnierer Institute she

impact my words had made, and

was a¤ending at the time.

how inspiring my story was.

prefer reading over

“Talia, I really need you to do

I can live with this, I thought.

the frum, Braille novels.

this. My professor needs to bring

Although giving lectures wasn’t

I also have siddur, tehillim,

someone in to speak about dealing

anywhere in my plans for the

and a Mesillas Yesharim in

with life’s challenges – and you’re

future,

just the right person for it.”

presentation had been appreciated

Braille. A¢er an intense few semesters working on my associates, I made

“I never spoke before an audience yet,” I responded.

could

tell

that

and perhaps this was something I would do again.

it! I’m hoping to begin on my

“Just say yes,” she said. “You have

I mentioned to another friend

bachelors shortly, and to become

an amazing story to share; we are

that I’d been to speak at Sarah

a service coordinator for early

not looking for someone who tours

Schenirer. “How did that go?” she

intervention caseloads. Working

the world.”

all but shrieked. “I can so see you

with special needs children has

nudging,

doing that. That must have been

been my dream ever since I can

coaxing, and encouragement, I

their most memorable speech of

remember. Now, decades a¢er the

gave in. She had helped me in many

the year.”

idea originally sprouted, I’m well on

ways in camp, and my tremendous

“I’m not so sure about that, but I

the way to actualizing that dream.

hakaros hatov to her compelled me

do think it went over quite well,” I

to say yes.

laughed.

I o¢en go to schools to talk about

A¢er

some

my experiences. Though I’d never

Since I didn’t prepare a formal

Before I knew it, my friend set

have thought it would be the type

speech, I spoke from the heart. The

me up to speak in her class, and

of thing I could or would do. I’m so

audience got to hear about how

word got around that I was on the

glad I ‘stumbled’ into it.

I’d grown up, the challenges I’d

lecture circuit. While I was initially

When I was still in tenth grade,

dealt with, and how I grew from

reluctant to speak before a crowd,

my friend requested that I speak at

the experience. At the end of the

once I’d done it a couple of times

lecture, many students

I began to feel more comfortable

told

how

much of an

about pu¤ing myself out there. More

speaking

followed,

and

engagements realized

that

talking about my unique situation, and how I deal with it, is an inspiration to so many people. That is motivation enough to keep me going. (I later learned that the friend who’d invited me to my first speech had actually set up the situation just so that I’d get a feel for public speaking.

Her

professor

hadn’t been in a pickle, and I wasn’t saving him from

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Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

THE KNOWLEDGE THAT IT ISN'T A 'PUNISHMENT' TO SUFFER THROUGH, BUT A CHALLENGE TO WORK THROUGH, CAN MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE. anything. Today, I wholeheartedly

challenges: Hashem put us here to

thank her for her belief in me.)

overcome them. Some of us may

I’ve since been to schools and

look at our nisayon as a punishment;

other venues in New York and New

we may feel mistreated, that it is

Jersey, as well as in Europe and

too difficult or unfair. In reality,

Eretz Yisroel. When I was in camp,

though, it is all part of a Master

I was invited to many bungalow

Plan. Hashem doesn’t dole out life

colonies and camps too. Though

punishments.? O¢en we can use

the speech may vary, depending

our challenges to help others – even

on the age of the audience, location

those not in similar situations. As

and whatever thoughts Hashem

hard as it sometimes is to realize

sees fit to put into my mind at the

that, and to accept our situations

time, the underlying message is

in life, the knowledge that it isn’t

always the same.

a ‘punishment’ to suffer through,

how

all

have

but a challenge to work through,

can make all the difference. I

o¢en

invite

questions a¢er I speak, giving the audience a chance to learn more about my life experience. Sometimes, I’m lucky and they share the challenges they have endured, and how my speech gave them chizuk to forge ahead. Others comment that a¢er hearing my story they appreciate the good in their own lives. On occasion, I’ve been invited to speak to parents of children with special needs. For them, it is especially important and encouraging to hear about how children with special needs can turn into happy and productive adults. My words, I believe, penetrate the parents’ hearts, for they see that potential and truth alive in me! *Name has been changed

Rayim Support Hotline The Rayim ‘V’eminuschu Baleilois’ (‫)ואמונתך בלילות‬ hotline is always just a phone call away at

929.600.9600 or 845.351.9600 It’s there to help families stay in touch with the Rayim family, get the latest news about our organization, listen to insightful stories and helpful advice, and hear recordings on topics of special interest to our community.

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By: R. Schiff

ith Summer still llingering on,

Among the group of gardeners, only one gardener’s

and with flowers blooming all

plant failed to thrive. Although he labored with

around us, our thoughts turn

love and invested extra hours of work to stimulate

to growth, to the rewards of

his seed to grow, it was to no avail. This gardener

nurturing and devotion. We

carefully followed every tip he heard, and read

think about the fragile plants and delicate blossoms

books on gardening to see which vital detail he was

entrusted in our care. We think about the future

missing. He prayed and hoped, and just when he

happiness that awaits our children, determined

thought all was lost, a tiny green seedling emerged.

largely by our constant watering and tender loving care.

The gardener stood in awe and wonder as he beheld this beautiful sight. A¢er all the effort and

A king distributed seeds to a group of gardeners.

heartache, his plant was actually growing. It was a

“Let me see what you can grow,” he said. “A special

rare moment of joy as he beamed with pride over his

reward awaits the one who can present the most

magnificent accomplishment.

beautiful flower.”

At the height of his joy, he caught a glimpse of the

Each gardener planted his seed with love and

other gardener’s plants. They now boasted several

care. He weeded and watered it with patience

lush leaves on long strong stems. His eyes caught

and a¤ention. Each morning he gently placed his

sight of some of their thriving plants with small

plant in the bright sunlight, and a¢er several days

branches growing in each direction. He was struck

each one excitedly observed a li¤le green seedling

by the beauty of the promising buds which do¤ed

pushing through the black soil.

them.

The gardeners continued to care for their plants

Suddenly, all his happiness was gone. The poor

with eagerness and happiness. They shared tips and

gardener was back in the pit of despair. The li¤le

tidbits about cultivating and fertilizing the plants,

green seedling he beheld so wondrously just

and for weeks spoke of nothing else.

moments before, now looked so week and forlorn.

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

S PA R K S

He hoped none of the other gardeners were noticing

of the other injects hope. Eye contact, a smile, a word -

his sorry-looking plant and shielded his flimsy shrub

each of these is a cause for celebration.

from their inquisitive eyes. The embarrassment and disappointment were too much for him to bear.

It’s difficult, though, to stay upbeat and positive when there are so many forces pulling us down. Worry

This gardener, however, was a determined fellow. He

is a strong one. It is that li¤le voice that whispers,

did not give up so easily. He bought special vitamins

“There is so much she is not doing!” Disappointment

to add to the soil. He put up a special stick to support the li¤le seeding. He sang to his plant, and spoke to his plant, and stayed at his plant’s side all night. He was ready to do anything to make his plant stand as sturdily and beautifully as the others. When tiny leaves finally began to appear on the li¤le weak stem, his joy was immeasurable. His efforts paid

When tiny leaves finally began to appear on the little weak stem, his joy was immeasurable

off. He sat and gazed at his fruits of his labor, a healthy, blossoming plant. He could not get enough of this absolute miracle. Leaves were growing on his plant! And then, he did what he knew he shouldn’t, and

only… Shame, abandonment, and isolation are quick to

peeked once more at the plants of the others. What

follow, and suddenly the feelings of accomplishment

he saw made his heart constrict in pain. The other

and achievement are sucked out of us. We wonder,

gardeners were proudly showing off their creations;

“What’s the purpose? Why am I doing this?

bright, colorful flowers on thick stems swaying in the gentle breeze…

•••

We may get our answers from the gardener whose plant failed to thrive.

•••

Do you recognize yourself in this story? Because this

A¢er a month or two the king came to view the

is my story. This is the story of us parents of children

creations the gardeners had grown from the seeds he

with developmental-delays. Therapy, appointments,

had distributed. The king was duly impressed with the

intervention, medication…. Watching, caring, hugging,

tall, colorful flowers each gardener boasted, but seemed

loving…. Davening, davening, davening, davening…..

to be looking for something more as he quickly strode

And then bs"d, a new milestone is reached. What

up and down the rows of beautiful plants.

excitement! What an achievement! Our efforts paid off.

When he spo¤ed the shame-faced gardener holding a

Tears of joy and happiness flow freely when we watch

flimsy li¤le plant and hiding in the back, the king’s face

our child make even one tiny step of progress.

broke into a wide smile. "There you are!" He exclaimed.

For days we float on a cloud of happiness, but all too o¢en it is quickly burst by reality. We begin to feel

18 |

visits too. We get carried away by the thoughts of if

He turned to the trembling gardener and asked, “Is this what you grew from the seed I gave you?”

overwhelmed by how much more there is to do. We

“Yes,” replied the gardener feeling like a complete

are dragged down when we realize how quickly other

failure. But the king’s face shone with happiness as

children the same age are progressing. And we worry,

he cried, “A, miracle! It’s a pure miracle! How did you

“What will happen when she gets older?”

manage to grow anything out of that seed?”

This is the see-saw of life as the parent of a special

The king then explained to the crowd the he had

needs child. We sure have our ups. A positive note from

undertaken this project as an experiment. Each

a teacher or therapist puts on a high. A fragile child

gardener received a seed, but one gardener was given a

making even a wobbly a¤empt to put one foot in front

seed that the king had purposely encased in clear glue

S PA R K S

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

which would hinder its development. Additionally, the

We are the parents of the children given to us by the

king had injected this one seed with a hormone that

‫מלך מלכי המלכים‬. With His infinite wisdom and knowledge,

would impede its growth. The king however, had not

He gave us children who need way more work, patience,

shared this secret with anyone, and had given each

time and effort than most other children. Sometimes

gardener a seed that looked identical to the others. Now,

we feel that everyone around us is breezing through

he was returning to see how his experiment worked,

life while we are weighed down by our special needs

and, lo and behold, the seed that wasn’t supposed to

children.

grow at all had a li¤le green leaves sprouting out of

We find comfort in the thought that we are doing the

the soil! Amazingly, several small, delicate leaves were

will of Hashem with the trust that He expects from us.

slowly emerging from the weak stem.

We continue to invest in our children with the belief

The king turned to the confused gardener and asked,

that this seed can grow and can progress, and all we

“When your plant didn’t grow like the others, why

need to do is show Hashem that we are not giving up

didn’t you just give up? What gave you the fortitude

on His wonderful creations, His special children.

to continue to work, toil and pray over your plant day a¢er day when the progress was slow - if there was any progress at all?” The gardener answered with simplicity, “I knew the seed was given to me by the king with instructions to make it grow. If it was coming from the king, I trusted it was meant to blossom. I just needed to do some extra work, but there was never a doubt that the king’s instruction was to be carried out fully, lovingly and loyally.” “This,” the king proclaimed, “was the purpose of the experiment. How I craved to hear these sweet words from the hard-working gardener. How I wanted to see the belief he had in my instruction. How I yearned to witness the total faith he had in my seed! “Now the gardener will receive his well-deserved reward. He proved to me that my subjects are trusting even when things seem to go all wrong.”

•••

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

S PA R K S

The controversies in

MODERN MEDICINE: clinging to conventional, aiming for alternative or believing in balance? 20 |

S PA R K S

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

By: M. Deutsch

t’s been already twenty-two years since my then two-year-old son suffered recurring ear infections. A¢er rounds of antibiotics, countless visits to our pediatrician and several ENT’s, he was still waking up with green mucous oozing from both ears. We had tubes inserted twice, and to the doctor’s disbelief and assertion that it couldn’t not possibly be, the tubes were forced out by the heavy discharge. We had the fluid in his ears cultured and

found the bacteria were resistant to the antibiotics. Our doctor then recommended certain monthly blood transfusions that would enable his immune response to fight the infections. I was terrified. The thought of pu¤ing my adorable, rambunctious, healthy toddler through this treatment, made absolutely no sense to me. As a desperate last resort I buckled

food store and emptied my pockets.

under my sister’s pressure. She was

My counters were full of vitamins

an avid believer in vitamins, and

and remedies and my son drank his

convinced me that the only thing

bo¤les full of different smelly liquids

I had to lose was a li¤le time,

and powders a few times a day. I have

so I decided to give it a shot.

no reasons, or scientific answers, but

I told no one, went to

from two days into his new regimen, he

an old decrepit health

never had another ear infection.

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

S PA R K S

Coincidence? Maybe. Maybe that

What is conventional medicine? What is alternative medicine? And what is complementary medicine? Conventional medicine is a system where doctors and other healthcare professionals treat symptoms and diseases using drugs or surgery. It is also called Western medicine, orthodox medicine, or mainstream medicine. Most of the doctors and surgeons we use, and most of the prescriptions filled in the pharmacy are mainstream medicine. So too, are surgeries and medical procedures done in a hospital se ing, including all kinds of available scans, labs, x-rays and other diagnostic tools. Alternative medicine is the term used to describe medical treatments that are used instead of conventional, mainstream therapies. The field is very diverse and includes, but is by far not limited to; health kinesiology, acupuncture,

homeopathy,

exercise

regimens,

naturopathy, chiropractic adjustment, hypnosis, and many variations of diets that focus on treatment through nutrition. Complementary or integrative medicine is alternative medicine

used

alongside

mainstream

medicine.

Increasingly more alternative therapies are accepted by the medical community today. Many more are gaining traction and recognition as people are more open to trying and considering new (old?) ideas to healing and increasing their health and wellbeing. Did you know that there’s a government agency that is part of the NIH, (National Institute of Health) specifically established for the purpose of studying the efficacy of alternative treatments? It is called the National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine and has an annual budget of over $50 million. That speaks

was the day his body decided to cure itself. My pediatrician’s response? “Unimpressed. Unlikely that it was the vitamins, but let’s not argue with success.” My response? Relief that I allowed myself to think out of the box and avoided unnecessary and extreme intervention. My son’s response? He must’ve been thrilled to hear clearly, not to have his ears rinsed, not to go through more tube insertions etc. But truly, I don’t know. He was only two years old, and never said a word about it. There aren’t too many topics that elicit such strong sentiment and opinion as the benefits of conventional medicine verses alternative medicine, by

laymen

and

professionals

alike. Everyone has a story or experience, a miracle or nightmare, to share and prove their point. There’s of

shortage

anecdotal

documented evidence to support almost any claim, no

ma¤er

how

outlandish. In

recent

times, have

we become

informed

and educated about alternative of

methods

healing,

making

thereby more

comfortable exploring and experimenting these paths.

volumes about how the government is responding to the

Once, in the still of night, deep

increasing demand for oversight and reliable information

asleep, frantic screams awakened me.

from people in search of, or trying alternative treatments.

My eight year old, was holding his head yelling, “Stop the noise. It’s way

S PA R K S

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

too loud; I can’t stand it. My brain is exploding. What’s

PANDAS was not just an illusion in my brain. Despite

going on here?” I froze. It was so quiet in my house, the

the much of the mainstream medical community

quietest it ever got. Was my son losing his mind? Did

denying that this behavioral condition can stem from

these things happen to li¤le boys? A¢er calming him

physical infection, I’ve learned to trust myself. It

down, and pu¤ing him back to sleep, I stayed awake.

was then that I connected the dots, but it was in my

Now I was the one asking, “What’s going on here?” I

own mind. I had no one to corroborate or validate my

spoke to my pediatrician, fearing a diagnosis of serious

hypothesis, although my pediatrician agreed that as a

mental illness, but she shrugged and told me to continue

mother I knew best.

observing him. Two days later my son’s throat culture

Fast forward twenty years. So much has changed.

came back with a positive result. Months later the exact

Health food stores are beautiful, clean, state of the art

scenario repeated itself, only this time I envisioned

shops, manned by intelligent, knowledgeable staff. Ear

myself booking an appointment to a child psychiatrist.

infections, more o¢en than not, are treated with a more

Several days therea¢er, my son complained about

tolerant and patient approach, instead of an instant

his throat hurting, again we went for a culture and

prescription for antibiotics. Antibiotic resistance is a

again he tested positive for strep, which in his case

term heard o¢en and PANDAS is a condition accepted

had brought PANDAS. (PANDAS is short for Pediatric

by the medical community.

Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with

Strep are

Infections. usually

The

symptoms

dramatic,

happen

“overnight and out of the blue,” and can include tics,

As human beings, creatures of habit, we fall in to thinking pa erns we adhere to, our default se ing. It’s what we refer to as “the

obsessions, compulsions,

box”. Our challenge must be, that regardless

moodiness, irritability,

what we believe or accept, we learn to think

and anxiety.)

“out of the box”. We must practice listening

Many

mainstream

doctors

denied

its

existence, however, I’ve

learned

that

with the a itude that we can question, supplement, trust our gut, and do our own research.

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

S PA R K S

treated in what AT&T used to advertise as the “speed With so much out there, so many options

of instant”.

and differing schools of thought, how does

Next. Enter insurance coverage. If one is on blood

one know when and what to turn to? What

pressure medication, what should motivate that

is considered extreme or irresponsible?

person to at some point check if the medication is still

How do we determine when to stick to the

necessary or if the dosage could be lowered? Perhaps

tried, proven and evidence based and/or

diet can affect change. But, if insurance covers the

what is intelligent, out-of-the box thinking?

medication and the pharmacy computer renews it

The answers depend on the successes and

every few weeks, and it lands by your door without

failures we experienced, the information

any effort or expense on your part, ‘why fix if it ain’t

we are exposed to, and personal beliefs. The

broken’? What would happen if each pill or higher dose

following is an exploration of ideas and facts,

would be more costly, or if you would have to travel to

straddling both sides of the fence.

personally pick it up, would you start questioning if you really need it or if there are other options? Would you be willing to shop around or experiment and

The Speed of Instant

change in diet that takes a while to ‘work’ instead of an instant relief, no-inconvenience-on-my-part daily

thinking and expectations of how quickly we can

pill? Would our opioid addiction crisis be a crisis if pain

resolve any problems or discomfort we face. Regardless

relief would not always come from a bo¤le? All are

of which avenue we pursue, we are inclined to follow

questions worth pondering, thinking out of the box. This instant mentality also contributes to the demand

There are many who feel that access to modern

and popularity of energy healing. My child doesn’t

medicine has promoted a quick fix, heal-at-the-press-

feel well. I’ll call my ‘healer’ (kinesiologist, kinergetics,

of–a-bu¤on mentality. Instead of urgent care centers

etc.) and with the child still in his PJ’s, in bed, I’ll know

that are open all night, Shabbos and Yom Tov, have

what his problem is and how to treat it. This is not to

precluded the need to “wait and see”. The thinking

discount or question the abilities or effectiveness of

goes, “My child is running a fever; I’ll just run over to

energy healers and their methods; just an awareness

the local doctor, clinic or urgent care center and rule

of a mindset about how and why we choose doctors, or

everything out.” Conditions that might have healed

healers.

with the body’s own defenses or immunity are treated

Are

our

medical

unnecessarily. Important mothering tools that should

decisions based on

be an integral part of an accurate diagnosis are ge¤ing

instant

lost. Patience and observation, followed by connecting

convenient

the dots, once allowed a mother to arrive to the doctor

solutions? Are

with a very clear picture. Trusting and accessing our

we losing sight

own fountain of knowledge are no longer the initial

of long term

responses to symptoms of illness we see in a child.

holistic health

Life experience and confidence in how well we know

and wellbeing

our own children, their behaviors, eating, sleeping and

playing pa¤erns, are replaced by a quick glimpse by

quick fixes?

a doctor or PA, and a quick scribble in a prescription pad. (The only initials I once knew were M.D.) Then there are 24-hour pharmacies, and delivery, and all is

meaning if the answer to your heartburn could be a

Living in an instant generation has impacted our

what simple and quick.

investigate other choices? Would time take on different

S PA R K S

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

and

pursuing

Chochma and Technology

we can get patients and specialists to the hospital. Transport of organs for transplant and speedy response to injury, heart a¤ack, stroke etc. have also made life

Chazal tell us that in the days before Moshiach’s coming, a flood of chochma will fill the world. The marvels of technology, and access to information have changed our lives in myriad ways. The world of medicine especially, is an area that has seen huge leaps and bounds of advancement. In the world of modern medicine offers an unprecedented, mind-boggling array of diagnostic tools, cures, treatments, implants, transplants, body part replacements and knowledge of the workings of the human mind and body. Technology has allowed us a view into the body to see things never before visible to the human eye; like, endoscopies, colonoscopies, EKG’s MRI’s, CAT scans and more. Blood analysis with the most microscopic, complex specifications can confirm diagnoses and predict disease. If we add exploratory surgery, laser surgery and laparoscopic surgery and, advances in DNA and genetic research, we still have only touched the tip of the iceberg. Surgical corrections unheard of and unthought-of a few years ago, are routine today. Surgeons operating remotely and robotically with the precision impossible for a human hand, have the ability to save lives and bring healing and relief in miraculous ways. Manipulation of live cells, stem cells, 3-D printing, computers and the instant sharing of information, have all enabled doctors to reach levels of expertise and treatment that seem to defy human limitations. Speed of travel has revolutionized how

soon

possible where once it would’ve spelled death. In the world of alternative healing, technology has also allowed for improved research, (albeit not in the same way as with organized government funded research.) Accessing and studying plants, herbs etc. that were inaccessible previously, are now possible. New techniques to produce vitamins, creams, oils, extracts for mass production have simplified the process and made more available to the general public, in health food stores, and online. Computers are capable of analyzing a wealth of available information, treatments and results, and are a forum of sharing for both practitioners and patients. This creates a network that provides a universal detailed picture of various alternative healing methods practiced throughout the world. Of course, all is by Higher Design. It is the Borei Refuous who orchestrates and gives the permission for the wisdom to be harnessed in a way that can prolong and improve quality of life. Ve’al nisachu shebchol yom imanu.

Blanket Rejections There will always be those rejecting everything. If they reject modern medicine,

they

will reject everything it has to offer, be it vaccines, epidurals

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

S PA R K S

and other forms of anesthesia, open heart surgery,

influenced by these companies and limited by their

chemotherapy or infertility procedures.

schooling which only included modern medicine’s

It would

clearly make no sense to ignore all the life sustaining abilities and advantages modern medicine offers. If they reject alternative medicine, they will dismiss

Alternative medicine has presented unprecedented successes. However, the downside is the lack

all the power and intelligence and obvious results that

alternative healers and methods have affected. They

pharmaceutical industry, they lack the sophisticated

ignore the abundant wisdom passed down through the

labs, research and financial resources. A close friend’s

ages, in different cultures, and the inherent healing

success, word of mouth stories that spread like wildfire

powers in our plants, trees and herbs in the world

in our close-knit communities, cannot take the place

that surrounds us. It would clearly make no sense to

of responsibility and common sense. Unlicensed

ignore all the life sustaining and enhancing benefits

or untrained practitioners abound, and we must

alternative healing has to offer.

be reasonably cautious before trusting them and

Modern medicine boasts volumes of meticulous documentation, and evidence-based research reflect a long history of progress, responsibility and oversight.

organized

studies.

Unlike

the

mammoth

determining that they are properly qualified. In short, the all-or-nothing-approach keeps our “box” tightly sealed…

Repeated double blind studies, avoid the confusion

Imagine if we could think out-of-the box. This is

of the placebo affect, and help establish the efficacy,

especially true for auto immune diseases, like eczema,

safety and side affects of the drugs in question. Study

asthma, multiple sclerosis, etc. There’s a world of

participants number in the hundreds, sometimes

alternative methods out there, some more radical

thousands, and the results are tracked for many years.

than others, that work. Bringing awareness to people

FDA approval is a long exhaustive process, so that by

in those situations public about the mind-body

the time a drug is approved, it is fairly safe to assume

connection offers them real hope and relief .

that it has been responsibly investigated. Yet, there are dissenting opinions

voicing

the about

their

name it, she tried it. Despite years of agony and struggle, the mainstream

pushing further

agendas.

There are doctors

S PA R K S

Cortisone, steroids, bleach, and any over

powerful

own

suffering from rashes all her life. She tried the counter pharmaceutical cure. You

companies, medicines

Leah Grunbaum, mother of five children, has been

arguments

pharmaceutical

26 |

teachings and approaches.

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

medical world had no magic. Leah’s family got used to her

rashes,

she never

but

accepted that her agony would never

DID YOU KNOW…

end. She discovered the world of

Natural Remedies:

disappearing.

While eating apples each day to keep the doctor way may be working for you, the rest of us can share other great solutions.

• Goat's milk can help treat a mouth infection • Grated potatoes can heal a fresh burn

health kinesiology, years into her journey, when her hope for a cure was waning. A¢er a few visits, Leah’s mother couldn’t recognize her own daughter’s hands.

The

rash

that

wouldn’t leave was slowly However, alternative healing isn’t all magic either. A health kinesiologist reported the following, “I had a disturbing incident when a mother and her fourteen year old daughter walked in to my office. The young girl was doubled over in pain, moaning while her mother went into detail about a recent bout of stomach pain due to a very sensitive digestive system. She tried a change of diet and homeopathic remedies, but was now looking for relief in my office. I immediately called Hatzoloh and had her rushed to the hospital. She

• Sugar can stop the bleeding for a cut on the tongue

was suffering from acute appendicitis, and her mother was

• Honey can help alleviate the pain and heal a bee bite

and failures. O¢en, a straightforward medical intervention,

• Toothpaste bring down swelling on an injury

diagnosing the problem herself.” The mainstream medical world has had its share of successes such as antibiotics or surgery is vital. However, sometimes even a medical doctor would admit the need to explore other options. A young man in our community had a tough winter this year. Running a gamut of infections, his doctor prescribed

• Garlic can kill pinworms and parasites

Penicillin, then Cephalexin and Augmentin, a constant

• Pomegranate juice is good for the heart

without his daily candy. He visited the doctor in March, three

• Gargle salt water for a sore throat

cocktail drugs. At one point, he had forgo¤en how to live months into the treatment. When he came in complaining of yet another case of strep, the doctor peered at him and explained, “Only 3% of strep strains are actually dangerous. Our bodies are actually created

• Chicken soup is a wise old tradition, and helps cure a cold

to self-heal. So why do we prescribe antibiotics? Because of the

• Rub a dry bar soap on a mosquito bite for instant relief

prescribe another useless round of antibiotics, and let’s give

• Drink water to help alleviate a headache

fear that the infection may be dangerous. “In your case, I will do something unconventional. I won’t your body a break. Come back in a week, and let nature give us its verdict.” With the antibiotics leaving his system, the young man’s body kicked the strep. And entered spring in healthy spirits. However, not always can one ignore the need for medical intervention. At times, it is dangerous to seek alternative

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

S PA R K S

Mind Matter over

treatment,

ignoring

the

One of the areas where the use of alternative vs. modern medicine

screaming need for medical

becomes even more controversial (and perhaps vague) is the field

involvement.

of mental illness. Here too, understanding both sides of the coin

A successful and experienced

promotes balance, openness and education.

kinergetics practitioner shared the

following

“Baruch,

experience.

thirty

year

old

be¤er and more willing to be treated with vitamins. A¢er all, the

healthy male, showed up to me

thinking goes, vitamins are natural, and everyone takes them. They

for an emergency appointment.

don’t require a doctor’s visit or prescription, so it’s not like I’m on

He looked literally deformed, his

meds; and if they help me then I’m “normal”, right? This leads many

cheek completely swollen and

to self-diagnose their moods, anxieties and disorders and to treat

oozing pus. He told me that he

them ineffectively. Unfortunately, these conditions will become

had gone to a different person

worse or aggravated when le¢ untreated.

to try to treat his constant joint

Many doctors bemoan the fact that problems could arise when an

and muscle pain, which had also

individual finally does seek treatment, and the doctor is unaware

somehow spread to facial pain.

that he/she is taking vitamins or other remedies. O¢en, the vitamins

He was detoxing, and was told

or herbs have components that might be similar to components

that the pus was a part of the

in the prescribed medication and then the patient ends up taking

detox process; he just needed

more than the necessary dose. For example a person taking an

to be patient. I took one look at

antidepressant might be taking a vitamin with the same ingredient,

him, and sent him straight to the

and unknowingly, overdose. (This is a concern anytime a person

hospital. He had a serious MRSA

does not share with his physician which vitamins are taken on a

infection that was spreading

regular basis, especially diabetics.)

throughout his face!"

28 |

Many facing the reality and stigma of mental illness will feel

Alternative therapies, though, should definitely not be dismissed.

The above example may sound

They are usually much safer, have been around for years and have

extreme, but is by no means

many fewer side affects, if any. They should/could be tried if a more

uncommon. Fear and suspicion

patient, flexible approach can be considered; if we can look out-of-

of doctors, absolute belief in

the-box. Exercise, diet, hypnosis, aromatherapy, herbal teas, and

the power of the body to heal

so many more, all have excellent track records as effective with

itself, can be taken to dangerous

medication and on their own.

extremes. There are definitely

If medication is the answer, perhaps it should be with

times when we need to listen to

the recommendation from a psychiatrist, not a general

doctors and avail ourselves of

practitioner. Perhaps there should be consistent follow up,

the medical help available. Again,

not refills. Perhaps the diagnosis should be confirmed with

open-mindedness and balance

a competent second opinion. Perhaps it should be with the

are key to sensible decisions

goal of eventually weaning off medication, or continuing in

regarding our health. Let’s think

conjunction with complementary therapies. Perhaps, perhaps,

out of the box…

perhaps…

S PA R K S

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

Exploring Other Options Human beings o¢en get used to routine, to follow the same safe road again and again. However, with

For example, instead of standard physical therapy they could look into hippo therapy, aqua therapy, craniosacral therapy among others. Healing and hope usually result.”

interventions, it is important to stop and reassess, not

When you try a new therapy or method, expect

to allow the safe comfort of familiarity to rule the

a change a¢er 3 sessions. If you’re doing a certain

choice of intervention.

therapeutic method and you don’t see results or you

As one therapist shares, “Children come to our center

reach a plateau, question whether its time to move

with serious developmental and physical delays, (OT,

on, discuss it with other professionals such as your

PT, Speech etc.). It is disheartening to see how many

pediatrician.

stay in a long term therapy setups that are not optimal

___________________________________________________

for them. Their parents, when educated, are surprised

Is all this information overwhelming, confusing?

at the range of therapies available. They do stop to

Are all the options and questions

consider that they might be stuck with a specific therapy only because it was prescribed. They need to constantly stop and think. They need to assess and evaluate the progress of the therapy and question whether it is worthwhile continuing. (This is obviously,

giving you a headache? Hmm... How about two Tylenol? Or some gezinte laughter therapy?!

Both??

true

for adults too.)

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

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Platform At the

he passing green scenery lulls me

right past me. Another train passes by, and

into a false sense of security. Si¤ing

with sheer cruelty doesn’t deign to stop for me.

comfortably on the plush overstuffed

I try signaling, my pleading eyes beseeching

cushion, I fail to notice the train’s

its Conductor. My voice grows hoarse from

decrease in momentum. In deep complacence, I

exertion. I wonder if it realizes my existence. I

do not realize the Conductor is headed toward

feel exiled, abandoned. The fading locomotive

me. To my u¤er consternation and surprise, He

smoke explains; it is not meant for me.

guides me off the train and in a most gentle tone

With eyes only for oncoming trains, I pay no

explains that this is my stop. I must disembark

a¤ention to others gathered on my platform.

the train. This is my platform.

The pain is strong, I feel only my hurt, the pain

Shock. Betrayal. How could all my friends sit at ease watching as I am led off the train?

of losing my coveted seat on the train. Time passes.

I grow accustomed to the

Comprehension dawns upon me, as I realize my

platform, and begin to see others exiled here,

comfortable journey was hi¤ing a speed bump.

waiting too. I’ve been so selfishly focused. Now

I try to plead, to beg to be allowed to continue

I see their hopes and dreams, so fragile, and

along this journey. Shaking His head gently, the

sha¤ered by the upheaval on the platform.

doors close. I watch opportunity glide away.

We discuss the shared pain, the loneliness of

As the train recedes into a mere speck, and then into nothingness, I begin to envy those

watching the train move on. We cry, but then begin to hope.

passengers, those fated to continue along on this

We dream and finally begin to build. This

blessed journey. How I wish I could be amongst

platform, I realize, is an opportunity. Although

those seated on the plush seats.

the heady feeling of traveling, of moving on

Time stands still for me, as I sit down on the

is so absent, my pain allows me to travel in a

hard wooden bench on my platform, and lay

different sense. The traveling on the platform

my head in my hands. I cry. I cannot face the

seems stagnant, yet I discover the journey of my

thought of waiting on the platform. In vain, I

inner compass. I turn tribulations into a journey

search, I peer into the distance, crane my

of inner development. Soon, I am thriving on

neck to hear the faint rumble, yet the

this platform, growing. I begin to discern other platforms. I realize

train does not approach. Amidst my frantic crying,

how many have been guided to their platform on

I hear another roar of

earlier stop, whom I had barely noticed from my

opportunity flying

comfortable perch as a passenger. I understand that many had disembarked a¢er my stop. I observe the couples who have been led off

30 |

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Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

By: Michal Klein

before the Children Stop. Their platform includes tough fertility treatments, and stares of passing passengers who wave gaily as they head towards the Children Stop. I see the couples’ pain, and notice their longing eyes as yet another train passes without stopping for them. I imagine their journey of self- discovery, and of trust, as they plead to the Conductor every time yet another train speeds by. I am awed the way they take their pain with conviction and growth. Further on, I glimpse those le¢ behind later, those who had to

disembark before reaching the Financial Security Stop. I notice their hard work, their chaffed hands. I see how tough life is on their platform. I notice their yearning, and constant peering to glimpse their train. I see them crying, begging, and I realize that they’ve been growing too. I notice the singles’ platform, those who were gently led off before the Marriage Stop. Their look of loneliness is painful. Glancing to and fro, they are constantly begging the Conductor to allow them to board the train once again, to continue on their journey. Yet they are motivated to help each other, pursuing kindness and good deeds. From my limited view on my platform, I’ve come to realize there are many platforms I do not perceive. All passengers are on a journey, embarking and disembarking. There are many who are alone, on their personal platform, unable to share their grief with anyone else. There are hundreds of dismal platforms along the journey, tailor made for the people stuck there. There are many who have been deprived of the Health Stop. Countless are still crying to reach the Nachas Stop. Yet, as I sit at my platform, I contemplate, and come to true realizations. I realize that although the train travels many more miles per hour, the true traveling is one of inner growth. And I realize that I am growing here, struggling at my stop. I realize that when this struggle will be over, when I do board the train, it will not be a permanent joyride. For my Conductor is constantly creating new platforms of growth. And I now appreciate and trust that He has my good in mind. Although it is hard to disembark, to leave the smooth traveling train, I will travel inwards, and grow more as I wait on each platform. And as I constantly get on and off the train called Life, I believe that very soon the long awaited train will arrive. He will gather all the exiled passengers, whisk them off the troubled platforms, and bring us all to the true last stop, The Final Redemption. Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

S PA R K S

Life, loss, love and a little laughter By: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW 32

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Emotions Feelings buried alive never die. Powerful line, no? It’s the title of a book that talks about the impact unresolved emotions and feelings have on our well-being, health and happiness. You know what I mean, don’t you? We all have them: those angry, sad feelings that keep us awake at night, tormenting us with questions that don’t have answers. Why do I have such a child? Why doesn’t his therapy work when I paid so much for it and I work so hard every day to do the exercises with him? Why do I feel judged Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

S PA R K S

by others, sensitive to every nuance of their questions and comments (and o¢en dumb advice)? Why can’t I have a normal life like everybody else?

Loss

It’s those emotions of stigmatizing hurt, pain,

There’s this woman, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, who did

frustration and shame that feel like knives twisting

lots of research on loss. She specifically worked with

inside of you. How others treat you when you walk

terminally ill people, and in her work she identified five

on the street with your child that won’t—that can’t—

steps to dealing with one’s ultimate loss, that of one’s

behave like other normal kids do (whatever normal means). It’s the comments people make; it’s the insensitivity of the neighbor who never shovels his sidewalk wide enough to allow for a wheelchair to pass through. It’s the self-consciousness when other people stare, the agony of deliberating whether to brave the streets each time you want to take your child out. It’s the tears of being bound by your child, your freedom limited by what you can or cannot do. Then, there’s the crippling emotion of blame. “I must have done something wrong for Hashem to have punished me in this way.” There’s the paralyzing emotion of guilt for even feeling you want something

We all have them; those angry, sad feelings that keep us awake at night, tormenting us with questions that don't have answers.

different, for feeling you are really no more deserving of this than your next-door-neighbor (who is a much worse person than you are). And feeling, again, the blame of having done something terrible, of being someone terrible, who deserves this punishment

own life. Her work is so profound, so monumental,

somehow; maybe even just for those ridiculous

that it has been adapted to help anyone coping with

thoughts about the neighbor; the horrible thoughts

loss; not only the prospect of one’s own death, but also

about your own child whom you love so fiercely. The

the life of a loved one. Her theories have expanded to

whirlwind of emotions creates resentment and fury

include any serious loss: a career, a home, a marriage, a

and ends up reducing you to a guilt-ridden monstrous

cherished object, a limb, or a dream.

mess you barely recognize. You are so frightened by

Your loss, your dream of having a healthy child, is

the intensity of your feelings, believing that there’s

compounded by the many losses that come along with

something seriously wrong with you if you can

it. There’s the paniful loss of a normal Shabbos meal,

actually feel them, be them, that you bury them.

the loss of an excursion to the park, the loss of free

Because when they are buried, you can care for your

time, the loss of sleep, the loss of grandchildren from

child without wishing that he were different and

that child, the loss of milestones, the loss of Self you

your life was different; without the yearning for that

had before your dream was sha¤ered. There’s even the

difference that makes you feel angry and envious of

loss of the marriage you once had, or desired, that no

others.

longer can exist within your present reality. That’s a

Not fun.

lot of loss. How do we cope with this loss?

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stages, in and out, in and out, in and out.

Stages

At some point we hit the final stage, the fi¢h level: acceptance.

What are the five stages we all experience when

I accept this loss, Hashem, and I can move on. I can live with this loss. I can even live with the million

coping with loss? First there is denial. No. I don’t believe it. My child

losses that come along with this all-consuming loss.

is perfectly normal. And even if he is not, he will be.

And maybe

There’s nothing wrong with him that some therapy

one day I

can’t heal. Look, don’t you see? He is normal.

can

Then there is the second stage: anger. It’s not fair!

even

smile.

Why me? Why am I being punished? What did I do to

Laugh.

deserve this? I don’t understand why Hashem is doing

Love.

this to me!

Talk

A¢er reality hits, the third stage, bargaining, follows.

friends.

Please Hashem, please, make a miracle and let this be

Bake

a mistake. I promise to be a be¤er mother. I promise

with my

never to yell at my other children. I will be calmer, more patient, a be¤er Jew. I will take on chumros in tznius, hilchos Shabbos, lashon hora. Please Hashem, let’s make a deal! When it appears that “the deal” isn’t resulting in instant miracles, the fourth stage, depression, sets in. I can’t. I’m exhausted. Leave me alone. I don’t want to nurse him. I don’t want to

toilet

train

him. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. My brain is foggy. I can’t think straight. I feel like I am fumbling around in the darkness and I cannot see any light.

Leave

cycle

alone. We

and out of these

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

S PA R K S

children. Spend the day in Manha¤an without guilt. This is the cycle. Round and round. On some days denial kicks in, other days it’s depression. You spend one day bargaining with Hashem, the next day you are too exhausted to crawl out of bed. Some days, acceptance feels possible, and the sun comes in through your windows; even the windows of your soul.

Radical Acceptance The most important thing is to allow the rainbow of emotions to take their proper places in your healing process. There is no way acceptance can enter if it is not preceded by anger. And within anger are always the layers of hurt, guilt, blame, shame, sadness, despair, and anguish. It is only when, in response to a loss, we allow ourselves to experience the complete range of our emotions, that we can also experience the complete range of positive

Pain is reality; suffering is refusing to accept reality

emotions that overcoming adversity can bring in its healing vortex: love, sensitivity, compassion, goodness, selflessness, warmth, joy, appreciation, and gratitude. Yes, gratitude. The key is radical acceptance. Not merely acceptance -- complete and total acceptance. Radical acceptance is about life on life’s terms and not fighting what you cannot change, i.e. the diagnosis, limitations etc. In our minds, o¢en subconsciously, we believe that if we refuse to accept the truth, we can keep it from being true. It then follows that if it’s not true, we can justify our inaction. We can absolve ourselves of our obligations, quieting the whisper (or roar) of our conscience.It is exhausting to fight reality, to invest all of our energy in the fight. It would be wiser to approach our struggles with radical acceptance, to realistically confront what is our destined situation. It would be so much more constructive if our energies were focused on enabling the highest quality of life possible for our children, within the limitations of their diagnosis. This is acceptance, not resignation. Giving in is the opposite of giving up, and that is what Hashem wants from us. Pain is reality; suffering is refusing to accept reality. Pain is the loss; suffering is the refusal to accept the loss. One of the ways we practice acceptance is by allowing the entry, in our hearts and minds, of the emotions that come along with a loss. A¤empting to avoid painful emotions creates more suffering. Radical acceptance allows for both, the painful emotions and reality and healing, to live side by side within us. Not always can we solve the pain. We engage in wishful thinking, wishing we could just take it all away, make it so that it never happened. No amount of wishing will change our reality, but we can always change our perceptions. And that is a very powerful tool.

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Tools and Resources Try these simple methods to begin achieving radical acceptance. Step one consists of five parts. A- Notice and identify the shame, anger or guilt you are grappling with. B- Observe where in your body you are feeling the physical sensation of your emotion. C- Let go and allow yourself to feel that physical sensation. Listen to the thoughts that float to the surface when you focus, thoughts like “It’s not fair” or “I can’t do this anymore”. Then you are ready for the next level. D- Recognize your ability to tolerate the sensation and how it eases up as you continue focusing. E- Find a statement that works for you. Like, “It is what it is”, or, “One day at a time”, or perhaps, “At least I have my other children/ husband/mother/money/good cleaning help/big

be made. What then? Visualization works. Inhale and breathe in the smell of shampoo in your daughter’s wet hair. In your mind, see yourself baking and sniff. Smell the aroma of hot, fresh challah coming out of the oven. Imagine the beach, the sand between your toes, the sun hot on your skin and the waves crashing, washing over you. Finally, Step three. Find a support group for mothers like you. Share. Laugh together. Cry together. They can understand you like no one else. They won’t judge you, or offer advice you never asked for. Consider therapy (gasp!). Lean on someone you can trust. And talk, so that the mountains of unspoken words piling up inside, don’t suffocate you. Feelings buried alive never die. Sometimes they could kill. Let them breathe. And then, be’ezras Hashem, so can you!

house/garden/hobby/whatever”. This is the beginning -- simply noticing and focusing. Once you’ve mastered step one, you are on to Step two: deactivating the arousal and tension that come along with these

emotions.

How? Make a list of your resources. What

your

are

resources? Resources are

anything

that

calm your nervous system. A hot bath. A run in the park. Si¤ing on the couch, reading. Listening Journaling.

Baking. to

music. Whatever

works for you. Sometimes, it’s impossible to access these resources in the chaos of the moment, when several children need our a¤ention at once, when supper needs to

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

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NevYou e r Know By: Chav i Nussb aum

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❶

And family. Did that include Simcha?

grimly. She surveyed the puddle of

mail. She added it to her mental list: Never going to have a butler. It fit neatly below “never going to have a mansion”, several rungs further than “never going to have a maid”. Only one envelope was soggy. Mimi turned it over. It was Ruchie’s

stopped talking abruptly. “Is it hard

❷

drinks around here, Mimi thought

and lunged forward to rescue the

“No cooking, no cleaning, no running a¢er the kids –” Shula

I could use a butler to serve the

coffee widening over her desktop

a vacation.”

for you to bring Simcha to the bar mitzvah?” Mimi said nothing.

“You know what the best part of having a rich sister is?”

care?”

Mimi wedged the phone between her ear and shoulder as her hand skimmed

through

her

“Can you leave him with respite

closet.

Nothing to wear. I’m never going to be a size eight again, she admi¤ed.

Mimi coughed. “Maybe,” she said tightly. “I understand,” Shula said. “I’m sure Ruchie will also understand.” Shula thought it would be too

She added it to the mental list:

invitation. So she had gone for the metallic cobalt ink, a¢er all. Mimi smirked. How many hours had Ruchie spent on these invitations? How much money? Now the perfect shade of cream-grey paper (greige, Ruchie had called it) was

It was up there at the top of her list. I'm never going to make a bar mitzvah.

soaked with coffee. And she hadn’t even opened it yet. Mimi pulled at the envelope. It disintegrated along the coffeesoaked seam. The tissue paper fell out, a soggy mess. The die-cut trifold card was still legible. With gratitude to Hashem… Bar mitzvah of our dear son Moshe Yosef… Her eyes jumped. Hallaway Hilton… The return card was only slightly spa¤ered. Snickering to herself, Mimi went to Devoiry’s room and borrowed a sparkly blue gel pen. She filled in the card with a flourish. Chaim and Mimi Hardtman will a end. The gli¤ery pen hovered for a minute, then she added, and family. Chaim and Mimi Hardtman and family will a end. She stuck the card into the envelope and sealed it. 40

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Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

Never going to be thin. “Buying a

hard to care for Simcha at a hotel.

new wardrobe when she makes a

Mimi didn’t correct her.

bar mitzvah?” Shula’s eye-roll came through loud and clear. “No, that’s the worst

It was up there at the top of her list. I’m never going to make a bar mitzvah.

part. The best part is ge¤ing a free vacation when they make a bar mitzvah!” “It’s not free if you have to buy a new wardrobe,” Mimi pointed out. “Whoa.” Shula stopped laughing. “What’s up with you?”

❸

It was raining at 3:30 when Mimi went outside to wait for Simcha’s

“It’s a big deal to pack up and

bus. She changed into a snood and

shlep a whole family to a hotel for

pulled her hood tight over her head.

Shabbos.” To her own ears, Mimi

Still, she got soaked.

sounded defensive. “You always have a great time,” Shula said.

Billy pulled up ten minutes late. “Sorry, Mom,” he apologized cheerfully. “There all-ways seems’a

Mimi closed her eyes. “I didn’t say

be traffic whenna weather’s bad.”

I don’t enjoy it, I just don’t think it’s

He was always late; he just had a

him along? Maybe Raphael could

different reason each day. The bus aide wheeled Simcha

come along to help… Visions of

down the ramp and onto the

Sima’s

sidewalk

where

before her eyes.

“Thanks,

Raphael,”

gratefully.

Mimi

The

stood.

she

ramp

wedding

said

Simcha

had

the

pulled

rose

front door was slippery in the rain. Simcha was already 11. The wheelchair was heavy. Never going to be able to walk on his own. Inside and dry, she allowed herself to greet him. “How was your day, Simcha?” He flashed his lopsided smile, and she relaxed. She wheeled him to the table. “Surprise!” His eyes lit up at the sight of the banana muffins. “Yum,” Simcha said, in his slurred way. “I like it.” She handed him a muffin, then took one for herself. Simcha followed her with his eyes and grinned. She grinned guiltily back at him, then they both laughed. They understood each other perfectly. “How would you like to spend Shabbos with Shaindy?

Dalia?”

Mimi reached for the phone the

and

dialed

respite

coordinator.

care There

was no answer. Mimi bit her lip; if she didn’t reserve soon, there might not be anyone available to host Simcha over

the

bar

mitzvah. What if she brought

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

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tablecloth off the smorg buffet.

in a few weeks!”

“Dalia,” said Simcha indistinctly. Maybe it was just as well. Mimi shook her head to banish the

morning we’ll go to shul and hear

Tziri put a bite in her mouth. “I

wanna

bar

mitzvah,”

she

demanded.

Moshe Yosef lein…” Never going to lein… “Tanta Ruchie will cry,” Layala

memory of spilled sesame chicken

Mimi laughed. “Moshe Yosef’s bar

and rice. “Okay, sweetie, I’ll tell

mitzvah is going to be in a hotel,”

“Umm… maybe.” Mimi blinked.

them you prefer Dalia, if that’s

she started, watching as each of

“And the bar mitzvah boy gives a

what you want.”

the kids started eating. “First we’ll

Simcha smiled, mischievously this time. “Want muffin,” he said.

Never going to make a speech.

all our cousins will be waiting!”

“Who wants more schnitzel?”

hotel just for our family?” “Well –” Mimi hesitated. “Maybe

else. “And Bubby and Zaidy will be

years – never going to get a handle

there…” She served salad all around.

on suppertime. “One bite,” she

“And they’ll ooh and aah and say,

cajoled Tziri. “I’ll tell you a story.”

‘oh wow, look how much everyone

She scrambled for something to

grew up!’”

Yosef’s

bar

mitzvah

Layala said importantly. A siyum. Mimi closed her eyes.

failure. It had been on the list for

nicely can hear all about Moshe

brother made a siyum on the whole mishnayos at his bar mitzvah,”

Never going to be like everyone

say. “No, guess what! Whoever sits

Mimi asked loudly. “My friend Devorah said her

Raphael will come.”

As usual, suppertime was a

big speech!” Shiri crowed.

drive far away. When we get there, Shiri was wide-eyed. “The whole

❹

said knowingly.

“Who wants dessert?” It came out in a whisper.

❺

He’s never going to be independent. Mimi swallowed. “Then

the

“Nice invitation.” Avrumi turned it over in his hands. “It was nicer before I decorated it with coffee.” He grinned. “Oh, that was you? I couldn’t decide if it was Tziri or Simcha.” Mimi shook her head. “I try to keep my hot drinks far away from anyone likely to knock it over.” In that way Simcha was the same as Tziri. “I never did get to finish that coffee.” Avrumi stood up. “Coming right up, ma’am.” “And I thought it I was never going to have a butler. I’ll have to cross it off my list.” “List?” “Never mind.” He carried two cups to the table

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Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

and glanced at her face. “What’s wrong?” “Are we taking Simcha to the bar mitzvah?” Mimi blurted. Avrumi raised his eyebrows.

have Simcha. Consider it done.” Mimi hung up and looked at Avrumi. “Dalia will take him. I guess that’s that,” she said, again. “I’m confused,” he said.

in his hand. “L-l-look,” he stammered. He pushed it toward her. Raphael was grinning. “Simcha has a surprise for you.” The wheelchair was heavy. “Let’s

“I’m not a mind reader,” he said cautiously. “Just a butler.” The joke encouraged her. “We usually take him everywhere,” Mimi started. “We can probably ask Raphael to come, he would keep Simcha busy and out of trouble, I

Mimi shook her head to banish the memory of spilled sesame chicken and rice.

know Ruchie wouldn’t mind, and it would be a huge help for me, I wouldn’t have to be busy with

Mimi closed her eyes. “Just tell

Simcha the whole time, I would

me what to do. I don’t know what

get to spend time my sisters and

to do.”

everything. So it’s really not a big deal to bring him, and why

go inside,” Mimi said. If she stopped, the chair would slide backward. Raphael took the handles back.

“Which one is harder?” Avrumi asked.

“It’s worth it,” he told Mimi. “You know we’ve been working on

shouldn’t he come, he’s part of the

She kept her eyes closed; she

teaching Simcha to write?” Simcha

family, I don’t sit here deciding

could only say this with her eyes

was thrashing back and forth

if Tziri or Shiri or Layala should

closed. “It’s harder to take him.

with

come, why should Simcha be any

Because…”

something special to show you!”

different?” The words hung in the air – Simcha, different. She rushed on, just so other

“Because?”

excitement.

“Simcha

has

Mimi looked at Simcha. “Look,

“Because every moment will

look.” In his eagerness, it was even

remind me of everything we’re

harder than usual to understand

never going to have.”

him. “Look… what… I… wrote!”

words would take their place. “So

Mimi teased the paper out from

there really is no reason for him

his clenched fingers. She unfolded

❻

not to come. I guess that’s that.” Avrumi opened his mouth just as her phone buzzed.

it. In blue ink, the word Simcha was spread across the page in a childish scrawl.

It was Dalia. “Hi, honey!” Dalia

The next day the sun was bright,

chirped. She called both Mimi and

but Billy was late anyway. Never

Simcha beamed.

Simcha “honey”. “I hear you guys

going to run on schedule, Mimi

Mimi looked from the paper to

need a li¤le break for a weekend!”

added

mentally.

“Sorry,

Mom,”

“You wrote this?”

Simcha, speechless.

“Uh, something like that.” It

Billy chirped as he pulled up.

“We wanted to surprise you,”

sounded bad. “I mean, we have

“Such a gorgeous day, everyone’s

Raphael said. “We’ve been working

a bar mitzvah in a hotel, and it’s

out’n’about. Lotsa traffic.”

on it for so long. Simcha writes

just so complicated…” Complicated,

Raphael winked as he wheeled

that was an excuse everyone

Simcha down the ramp. “We’ve

Never going to learn to write.

understood. “Remember the time

got traffic in the good weather and

It had been on that awful mental

he refused to get dressed and we

traffic in the bad weather,” he joked.

had to hold him down?”

“At least we’re consistent.”

“Say no more, honey. We’d love to

Simcha was clutching something

really nicely.”

list for so many years. She looked down at the paper. Simcha.

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

S PA R K S

She’d have to cross that one off

leaned toward the desk. “Oh – you want to write.” She put

her list. She could replace it, though. Never going to give up.

❼

“Me! Me!” “I said first!”

the packing list on top of the other

“Maaaa! Layala’s pushing me!”

list to hide it and pushed Simcha

“Layala, here’s your drink. Tziri,

closer to the table. She slid the pen

here’s yours.” Mimi reached into

into his fingers and put the paper

the bag at her feet. “Who wants a

in front of him. He leaned forward

coloring book and crayons?”

and began to write.

“I want plain paper!”

Never thought he would make it

“Uh, no problem.” Mimi pulled

“Mommy, I need a drink.”

this far. Mimi slipped the never-list

out a notebook and yanked out

Mimi didn’t look up. “Take a drink

out from under the packing list.

some blank pages. Silence reigned.

of water and go back to bed.”

She crushed it into a ball.

“What’s that notebook?” Avrumi

Layala came closer. “What are you writing?” “A list. Go back to bed.” “What kind of list?” Mimi closed her eyes. “A list to pack for Shabbos. Go – to – bed!” Layala pointed to the second

Above his name, in that same painstaking writing, it said, I Love You.

paper. “What’s the other list?” Mimi put her pen down, stood up and marched Layala into her room. Back at her desk she looked down at the paper. Headbands, socks, cream shell, shoes, it said.

“H-h-here.” Simcha pushed the paper toward her. Mimi looked down. At the bo¤om

“The Pesach list?” “No, of course not,” she said,

she had seen it before: the shaky,

before she realized he was joking.

Her eyes slid to the second list.

spidery writing unmistakable: S-i-

“I started a new one, though.” She

Never going to have a Pesach

m-c-h-a.

flipped to the last page. “Never

kitchen. Never going to have a butler.

Her eyes slid to the top of the

thought he would survive, but

Never going to have a bar mitzvah.

page. Above his name, in that same

he did.” she read quietly. “Never

Why was she even writing this

painstaking writing, it said, I love

thought I would manage, but I am.

down? Self-therapy or something?

you.

Never thought he would learn to write, but he did.”

it going?”

“Never thought we would get out

“I’m up to the Pesach kitchen.”

of the house this morning, but we

“Excuse me?” Mimi blushed. She was losing it.

made it.” “Are we theeeere yet?”

Mimi laughed. “Good one,” she

“Sorry, I got distracted. I’m almost

“Mommy, Tziri’s pushing me!”

said. “I’m still ge¤ing used to this.”

done.”

“I need a drink!”

She turned around to check on

“I’m bored! Why is the hotel so

the kids. “Raphael, do you want a

“Simcha wants you.” He wheeled Simcha in.

far?”

“Hi, sweetie.”

“Just my lists.”

of the paper it said his name, as

Avrumi poked his head in. “How’s

asked curiously.

“Only three more hours,” Mimi

drink?” “I’m good, Mrs. Hardtman.”

Simcha smiled. “Write.”

mu¤ered to Avrumi. She put on a

“Simcha?”

“Yes, zeeskeit, I’m writing.”

cheery voice. “Who wants a water

Simcha gave her his slow smile.

“Write,” said Simcha. “Write!” He

bo¤le?”

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Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

Never going to forget this moment.

perspective Featuring: Super Human Drama in Verdict Listen to the Silence

r e p u s ma n hu A

survivor of the Holocaust, who had undergone the torture, terror and

trauma of the concentration

camps, unfortunately le¢ his emunah in the camps once he was liberated. He refused to believe and refused to daven. He was filled with pain and anger

and could sadly no longer see the point in turning to Hashem. Once when a young man, a very well-meaning individual, urged him to go to shul and don tefillin, he answered bi¤erly, “No way. If you would have witnessed what I did, you would understand”, and he proceeded to relate the following story. “We were all in the barracks, crowded, exhausted and starving. Our hollow eyes reflected our despair, broken in body and spirit. What wouldn’t we do for a morsel of food to nourish us, to enable us to survive and hope for one more day? There was one individual who had smuggled in a pair of tefillin in the camp. When word got around that he was allowing us to to use his tefillin, despite the risk of immediate death if we were caught, we all lined up for the chance. If we had no physical nourishment, at least we would get some spiritual nourishment. Then suddenly, the man who owned the tefillin announced that the price for wearing them for a few seconds, would be a piece of bread! How dare he? How dare he take away from his

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By: Israel Fried brothers the last bit of food that was sustaining them? What callous, inhumane behavior! What cruelty to take advantage of people who were skin and bones, walking skeletons, because of their thirst to connect to their Creator? I resolved right then and there that if I survived I would never wear a pair of tefillin again!” The young man listened intently and wiped away a tear. The survivor's anguish was real, seared into his soul forever, but he was hoping to gently a¤empt to help him feel Hashem’s loving presence again. He leaned in closer and whispered, “You saw the selfishness from a desperate human being, hungry for bread. But did you also notice the sacrifice and the heroic strength, that the people in line for the tefillin exhibited? Did you witness the superhuman determination and commitment to perform this mitzvah, even to willingly surrender their one piece of bread? What a beautiful mitzvah it must be! What love for Hashem they must have felt in those dark moments!” The survivor took a deep breath, and a¢er so many years, with leather straps bound around his outstretched arm, finally bound himself again to his ta eh in himmel. There’s a powerful message in this poignant (true) story. There’s always more to what we see than meets the eye. There’s always another layer of meaning beneath what is obvious on the surface. There’s always something positive in what we perceive as negative. Let us commit to living life with our eyes and hearts open to seeing the real picture.

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DRAMA IN VERDICT

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By: Israel Fried

here’s hardly a day in the courtroom that

When the jury filed in the next morning, everyone

doesn’t include some drama: the question is

present predicted a not-guilty verdict. The drama of the

only when and how dramatic. This particular

previous day was still fresh as they took their seats. The

case was a murder case. The defendant,

judge banged his gavel and brought the court to order.

Kenneth Long, sat slouching between his high-

Then, the jury foreman announced, “ We the members

powered attorneys, knowing that the evidence was

of the jury find the defendant, Kenneth Long, guilty of

stacked against him. It was going to be difficult, even

murder in the first degree.” Shock. Pandemonium. They

for the most skilled lawyer to plant the necessary seeds

could not believe their ears. How was it possible?

of doubt in the minds of the jurors. If they convicted him, they would put him away for life.

They soon found out that there was one lone holdout juror who refused to agree to an acquittal. When

The jurors, looking exhausted, took their seats for

they questioned him, his logic was irrefutable. “When

another long day of closing arguments. The prosecutor

everyone in the courtroom looked to the door expecting

reviewed all the testimony and evidence introduced

the victim’s entry, there was only one person who didn’t:

throughout the trial that should have convinced

Kenneth Long. He, the murderer, was not expecting the

them of

victim to arrive. He knew he was dead.”

Long’s guilt. He then raised his voice and

passionately urged the jury to convict the defendant and bring justice and closure to the victim’s family. The courtroom remained silent. Long’s attorney then got up to plead with the jury to consider that a verdict of guilty could only be handed down if they were certain beyond a shadow of doubt that he was the murderer. He spoke in confident and convincing tones and then dropped his voice to almost a whisper. “ And now I would like all of you to face the door on the lefthand side of the courtroom. The victim will be making an appearance in two minutes.” A stunned murmur rippled through the room. All heads, in unison, turned toward the door. And then they waited. After two minutes of unbearable tension, the attorney broke the silence. “Honorable members of the jury,” he bellowed. “Permit me to pose a question. If indeed you believed the victim to be dead, why did you turn to the door as if you expect his arrival? It is clear that some doubt still lingers in your minds! If that is so, it is your duty to acquit Kenneth Long.” With that he sat down. He had succeeded in breaking the prosecutor's spell. A guilty verdict required a unanimous vote.

Dear Reader, This story has all the elements of a great story. It has the setting, the plot, the tension, conflict, and the climax; a thought provoking and enjoyable read. But what, pray tell, is the moral to this story? Without even saying a word, we speak volumes. Our every move, every expression, every nod, roll of the eyes, shrug, stare, smile, communicates exactly what is going on inside our minds and hearts. A slight gesture with our hands can convey a message of openness and warmth, or dismissal and irrelevance. A seemingly unnoticeable change in our facial expressions can relay doubt, interest, respect, or disdain. Our faces and body language are open books open to the public at all times. Let us be very careful what story we tell. It can make all the difference, for a lifetime!

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Listen

to the

Silence

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By: M. Deutsch

t was lost, nowhere to be found. The wealthy

simple. As soon as everyone le¢, all became quiet,

man was losing his patience. They had gone

still. I sat down on the ground between the stalks,

through the entire field, stalks and stalks of

and listened. And listened. Suddenly I heard it: tick

wheat, and no one could find it. It was a very

tock, tick tock, tick tock".

expensive, vintage watch inherited from his father,

In life we are constantly searching, looking for

and it was his most precious possession. He had

answers and solutions, waiting for the flash of

tried. He had rounded up all his workers and had

insight that will guide us right. We face dilemmas,

offered them a substantial reward, hoping it would

choices, forks in the road, and challenging

somehow help, but he was slowly despairing of ever

situations. How and where do we find the wisdom

seeing the watch again.

and clarity to have the answers?

“Perhaps sir, we try looking in one of your other

Stop. Stop the movement and the noise and

fields?” one of the men suggested. “Maybe you

the constant action. Stop the flashing lights and

dropped it there.” The wealthy man agreed, and

pulsing hum and undercurrent of activity. Stop

they all started the trek to the other field. As they

the vibrations of the world around you and in

were leaving, a young teenage boy came over to him

the ensuing silence.... listen. Listen to your heart.

and asked, “Is it okay if I stay behind and continue

Listen to your inner voice. Listen to the echo of

searching here?”. He was granted permission and

your parents’ and grandparents’ voices that live

stayed on himself.

within you. Listen to your conscience. Listen to

Sure enough, as you may have guessed, the young

the unspoken words of the children who surround

boy soon came running to the other field, where the

you. Listen to the beauty of nature. Listen to the

rest of the men had continued their search. He was

messages that are heard loudly and clearly once

waving the watch triumphantly, shouting, “I found

we remove ourselves from the chaos of the noisy

it. I found it!” They all crowded around him and

world. Tick tock. Tick tock.

congratulated him. The wealthy man was ecstatic.

There are so many ways to view the same thing.

His joy knew no bounds, and as he offered him his

The prism of perspective shapes the way we

well-deserved reward, he asked the boy, “How did

perceive what we experience, see, hear, feel and

you find it? Why did you ask to stay behind when all

experience. Sometimes, all we need is a minor

of us went ahead? What made you think, you'll be

adjustment to change the same situation from

successful?” The young boy shrugged and said, “It’s

extremely distressing to extremely encouraging.

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R. Einhorn

PILLARS of STRENGTH Strength and courage shared by three determined individuals

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he following interview is an honest look into the lives of three young, courageous people facing their own unique physical challenges. They answer the questions candidly, and it is clear that their parents strength and loyalty, combined with their positive a itudes, are the foundations of their success. May they serve as an inspiration for us all in our continued quest to grow and serve Hashem with simcha!

Hi. Can you share with us a li le bit about yourself, your age, siblings, school, etc.? Chayaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;la*: My name is Chayaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;la Klein. I am

had. Now I can create really great pieces of art!

thirteen years old and I am one of five children.

Painting is my way of feeling free. I choose

There are two boys followed by three girls,

the colors and I choose what and how I want

and I am the oldest girl. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m in 7 grade in Bais

to paint. When it comes to the canvas Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m in

Yakov School for Girls during the school year

charge, no one else.

and I aÂ¤end Camp Simcha in the summer, I absolutely love it!

Bina*:

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m the fiÂ˘h of eleven children.

Camp was really the first place I found out

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m twenty-eight years old, and I have CP

I have a voice. I realized I have choices, where

(cerebral palsy). Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a twin and we were born

I can be in charge of myself, my wants and

prematurely. We had to stay in the hospital

needs. It taught me that my disabilities do not

for a while. When it was time to for us to be

define me. Camp is my reprieve, the thing I look

discharged, the doctors noticed that something

forward to all year. Camp Simcha is my happy

was wrong with me, suspecting it was CP. They

place.

simply told my mother to take me home and

Another one of my favorite things is painting.

hope for the best.

People are shocked to hear that I paint when

My mother used to take me to Joannio

they see how poor my motor control is, but my

for therapy and to all kinds of specialists

(very smart!) mother, who introduced me to

she thought might be helpful. Everyone

painting, made me believe in myself. She made

encouraged her to continue her devoted and

me believe that I can do it, and guess what? I

great work.

could! It took a lot of practice and the more I practiced, the more control and dexterity I

Shimon*: Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m thirteen years old. I was born with a medical condition and spent my first

*Names have been changed to protect identity. However, should anyone like to contact any of our interviewees for further information or guidance, they can do so by reaching out to the Rayim office.

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few years in and out of the hospital constantly. One

I’m the youngest in my family. I just turned thirteen

year, I was stuck in the hospital during Purim, on a

and had a beautiful Bar Mitzvah. At my Bar Mitzvah

respirator, and stayed there in for almost six weeks.

there were a lot of people that helped me throughout

This happened many times, and my Rebbe and friends

the years, and they all came to join in my momentous

were really nice about it. They called me and visited me

occasion. We had music, and a lot of dancing. The Rav

all the time. I watched videos of chasunahs and other

from our shul, spoke beautifully, then I said my p’shetel,

Yiddishe videos to keep me occupied.

and I davened Maariv by the amud. It was a very special

I have five siblings; two sisters and two brothers.

evening.

How was the process of ge ing into a school? Can you share that experience? How do you manage navigating the school day? Chaya’la: I don’t know much about the process of

it was not approved for therapy to be provided in a

applying and ge¤ing in to school. My devoted parents

mainstream se¤ing, and I had to be bussed to Ohr

arranged everything for me and I am sure it could not

V’daas for therapy. This went on until they approved

have been too simple. I get through the day with the

my services in Vizhnitz. The school gave me a private

help of two aides, one in the morning and one in the

room for the therapists, and asked the therapists to

a¢ernoon. Since I cannot write on my own, I use a

dress modestly. They all cooperated.

computer and my aides help me take notes and do my

I stayed in Vizhnitz until I graduated. The girls were

school work and homework. They understand me and

all very nice and accommodated me. They included me

how I learn, so they are a very important part of my

in jump rope (by raising the rope for me to pass under

being successful in school.

the rope with my wheelchair) when it was my turn to

Bina:

“jump”. They gave me copies of their notes and were a

I was enrolled in Gan Ezra from age three to

five, and then I went to Ohr Vdaas, which is a school for children with special needs. At age seven, my mother felt that I was ready to be mainstreamed. She called all the schools in Monsey, and Vizhnitz School opened their doors for me. My teacher in Vizhnitz prepared my new classmates, and told them all about me before I started my first day of school. My teacher also added my name to the a¤endance list beforehand, so that the girls would get used to the idea that a new girl was joining the class. I was the first student for whom the East Ramapo school board approved a shadow in a mainstream se¤ing. This was all thanks to Dr. Tzivia Feldman, the principal from Ohr V’daas, who continuously advocated for me. At first I was in Viznitz for only half the day because

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Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

great help with whatever I needed. Up until sixth grade I had a full time aide. A¢er that my aide decided that I could be more independent. It was a great idea. My classmates helped me if I needed assistance, and the independence made me feel very good about myself. I had a special desk that I got from ERCSD, which neatly fit the size of my wheelchair. All was good B”H. The school itself was also very accommodating and always had me and my best interests in mind, and that everything should be accessible. At my graduation, they built a ramp so that I could be on stage like all my classmates! I have the fondest memories of my years at Vizhnitz School. During the summers I joined my classmates in Vizhnitz Camp and they also catered to all my needs in an exceptionally devoted way. Vizhnitz Camp was

located in what was previously a hotel, and the sleeping arrangements were all in the building on the second, third and fourth floor. They had an elevator that took me to my room, until they realized that in the event of a fire chas veshlalom it would be hazardous for me, if we would need to evacuate, so I slept downstairs in the infirmary. My friends took turns schlepping their ma¤resses down to sleep with me. Trips also sometimes posed a problem. If I had to stay behind, some girls stayed behind with me. Believe it or not, they used to fight to be the ones to stay with me! I have the greatest appreciation for my mother, for recognizing my potential and placing me in a mainstream se¤ing. She was realistic about my limitations and my situation, yet pushed for my independence as much as possible.

Shimon: It wasn’t such a big deal for me since I am just like everyone else. I was always in cheder, yet from time to time I “took vacation” when I was hospitalized. (Mother adds: The fact that Shimon is able to say those words is thanks to the support of his amazing Rebbe's, special school staff and classmates. In his early school years, school was a major challenge as Shimon required 24/7 medical care. Shimon a¤ended a school for children with special needs where he received skilled nursing services and comprehensive therapies. Despite being in an environment with peers on a lower cognitive level, we had chosen not to mainstream him (yet) thereby enabling him to receive optimal education/ therapy on site. Only when Shimon's medical condition improved to the point of a 1:1 aide, versus skilled nursing, did we mainstream him. Transition wasn't easy, but eventually Shimon came around.)

Was there ever a time when you felt you were being treated differently? Do you get any special treatment in school because of your disabilities? Chaya’la: Yes and No. No, in schooI I don’t feel treated differently. I have the greatest classmates ever! I’ve been here since preschool, and my classmates don’t even see my wheelchair anymore. They see me for who I am. I am just like them; I just use a different mode of transportation to get around. They accepted me as part of the bunch and make me feel like I am just another normal kid in the room. I am very thankful to all of them for that! Yes, when I am not in my home or school, it happens all the time. When I am out and meet strangers, they automatically assume that because I am in a wheelchair I am deaf and dumb. They talk to me like I’m a baby and use a super loud tone of voice. I’m not sure why they think that since I have a problem with my legs I also have impaired hearing

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S PA R K S

and understanding. Also, younger kids (and sometimes

or changed for people who are handicapped, but that

even adults) will stare and point. I o¢en feel like

doesn’t mean that they should get paid less, if they get

charging $5 for the show…

the job done right.

Bina:

There’s a misconception about people with

Shimon: I’m so used to being treated the way I am. I

disabilities. People think that they could pay less

enjoy going to cheder and absolutely love going to camp.

for disabled employees. Really, they should look

I just came home from Camp Simcha where I had a lot

at the capabilities and abilities, and the effort and

of fun. I was already there before, and I already have

responsibility invested in given the work.

my friends there. I have great chaveirim who help me

True,

sometimes, certain job positions need to be redefined

out all the time.

How do your parents encourage and validate you a er a challenging incident or difficult day? Chaya’la:

They remind me that I am not the

Everything has to be accessible for me, which is a

problem. Nobody is perfect. Everyone has his or her

challenge. My parents are both so encouraging and

own set of disabilities. Some people are handicapped

accepting, that it helps me a lot. I was once invited to

in their middos. My disabilities may be more noticeable

a friend’s house, and she claimed that her house was

since they are physical, but I did not choose them.

wheelchair accessible. When I got there, there was

Hashem made me this way and I am perfect in His eyes.

just one step, and no ma¤er how much everyone tried,

I am also learning to laugh more o¢en. People don’t

they couldn’t get me over that step. I ended up staying

mean to make me feel uncomfortable, but when they feel awkward they can o¢en act pre¤y funnily around me.

Transportation could become very complicated. There is no such a thing as calling a taxi when I

Bina: It

was very difficult for my mother the first

time she had to take me out in a wheelchair. When I was in the stroller, it was still okay that I was delayed, but pushing a wheelchair was a different story.

56 |

outside.

need to go somewhere. I need to rely on Medicaid transportation and Chesed rides, and when I don’t have transportation, I can’t go. Over the years, I learned to accept this.

So my brother decided that he wanted to take me out

Shimon: My parents encourage me all the time by

for a “ride” and pranced right out on to the busy street

strengthening my bitachon. They are very positive

that we lived on, with me in my wheelchair. And that

people, and whatever incident comes up is always dealt

broke the ice for my mother.

with in a happy, positive way.

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Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

What are your greatest challenges and how does your immediate and extended family accept them? Chaya’la: In regards to my family, I would first need

me. I am still a regular thirteen year old girl, who just

to introduce you to an amazing woman, my mother.

needs some help ge¤ing around and ge¤ing things

Everything I am is only thanks to her relentless effort

done.

in helping me feel and be normal. She fought to get

Bina:

me the therapies and help I need to reach my full potential. She fought the School District to get me into a mainstreamed class in a regular school, and then again when it came to ge¤ing me accessible bussing. She is a real superwoman, and I am so blessed that she is my mother. My siblings are also pre¤y special. They are always ready to help me in whichever way needed. They accept me for who I am, and love me along with all the extras that come in the package that is me. Having a sibling with wheels comes with extra perks too, like free rides in my electric wheelchair! My greatest challenge is that I always have to have an aide, parent or friend help me. I can’t do things on my own. I can’t just decide I want to go somewhere. I basically need assistance with everything, and that can be very frustrating for me. It is very difficult to always be dependent on others. The people who know me, know me for my sense of humor and personality. My challenges do not define

Well, I’m surprised by this question! Are

there any children with special needs that are not accepted? I feel totally accepted if that’s what you’re asking. Let me tell you a story I don’t think I ever shared. My grandmother makes a Chanukah party for all her grandchildren every year. She used to alternate locations, between Monsey, Lakewood, and Boro Park where all the grandchildren live. One year I had trouble finding a way home from the party that took place in Lakewood and my grandmother noticed what a hassle it was trying to find a ride home. Since then, my grandmother makes the Chanukah party in Monsey, all because of me! The family responds naturally, because it only makes sense this way.

Shimon:

I have a very nice and loving extended

family, B”H. They are always thoughtful, buy me presents and are truly connected with me. We see each other at simchas and family parties. We visit each other all the time.

Is there ever a moment that you worry about the future? How do you deal with it? Chaya’la:

We take it day by day and we leave the

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Bina:

This is actually a very personal

question. I just take it day by day and try to focus on the present. It’s not that I don’t ever stop to think, but I do try to listen to shiurim

strengthen my bitachon. In the future, I plan to learn in kollel for a few years, and then I want to join gemach hatzalah

(the organization that provides

on emunah that help me stay focused.

trips to and from hospitals). Night shi¢s are

Shimon:

and the like. Since I experienced the need

No. not really. Having bitachon

and reminding myself that everything that happens is good, keeps me going. My Rebbe too, taught me well and has also helped

especially difficult, ge¤ing drivers at night myself, and I know how important it is, I want to give back what I was fortunate to get.

What message can you convey to other people in your situation? Chaya’la:

My favorite quote is, “Train

asked me if I wanted to join a trip, catering

your mind to see the good in everything.

to wheelchair bound individuals, which was

Positivity is a choice! The happiness of your

scheduled for the next day. I ended up joining

life depends on the quality of your thoughts.”

them and had a beautiful time. I actually

Bina:

became friends with one of the girls that

It’s very important to have an

available supportive team of people. Reach out to those in similar situations. Give your parents a break. I went to Eretz

I met on that trip. My mother had that day for herself and really enjoyed it. I’m so happy that I was able to give her that “break”!

Yisroel with my mother, and as we were

Shimon:

walking on the street, a lady came over and

that happens is for the good.

Just believe that everything

What message would you like to share with the public? Chaya’la: When you see someone like me,

Bina:

do come over and say hi, but remember that

we’re differently abled.

I can hear very well so you don’t need to yell.

real person, because the real person is there.

you would with any other girl my age. Do ask

Shimon:

with something, don’t just stare.

S PA R K S

Also, look past the disability and see the

Use a normal tone of voice. Talk to me like me if you can help if you see me struggling

58 |

Instead of saying disabled, say that

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

Hashem should help everyone

that they should see nachas from all their children and grandchildren gezinterheit.

For just one flame That you ignite Can provide So much light So cherish this spark For its value is so great Holding endless power To illuminate

I squint as my eyes Adjust to all this light Never have I seen Anything so bright But they tell me there are No thousand candles there at all Just one little flame bouncing off A thousand mirrored walls

A neshama’le Is sent down to this Earth The malach says “Go” And from that moment of birth A dazzling light Is suddenly unfurled An otherworldly glow is cast Unto this world

Go find that candle Look and feel Detect its warmth And you’ll know it’s real And if you blow that candle All will suddenly go dark Then you’ll discover the power Of one spark

Among so many neshama’lech But Hashem chose hers To illuminate Our whole universe Day by day Every moment she’s alive She shines her light And so our world continues to survive

Go my child, Emit your glow One day you and I will know Your tafkid here and why Hashem chose you to play this part Sent you into my arms Into my heart Go my child, My little flame Your precious spark Is why you came For we need you Just the way you were designed Hashem placed you here To sustain mankind.

By: Malky Stein

Neshama’le

A museum of light I walk in there the other day No windows in sight Allowing the sun to make its way Yet the vast room Is illuminated so A thousand candles Casting their glow

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By: Malky Stein

This heartwarming song can be listened to on our Hotline ‫ אמונתך בלילות‬by pressing option eight for the latest Yom Tov series. Listen and be inspired

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The anticipation The exhilaration As we’re setting out As we’re heading out Oh, the thrill— Is that a chill, I feel? No backing out We’re heading out, It’s real. And so I hold on tight Gearing for flight Gripping the cold red bar of steel The world stops I cannot feel And I close my eyes As the tracks whizz by Seeking security in the dark Yet the wind’s whipping my face And leaves on my heart its mark

Oh, where am I going? What am I doing? Propelled by an outer force I cannot control Oh, I feel I am flying I hear myself crying Fear catching in my throat Dread creeping into my soul And when I open my eyes And look around me Great, big loops and drops Are all I see Twisting, turning My insides are churning Am I plunging into an abyss? Have I signed up for this? Looking down, it’s frightening Hurtling at the speed of lightning And now we’re moving back Up, up, up the track Slowing down, Then picking up our slack It’s rickety, My heart goes Clickety Clack And as I hold on tight Trembling in fright Gripping the cold red bar of steel I allow my mind to feel And I focus my eyes On the tracks whizzing by For there is no real security in the dark And suspended in midair I see the truth now so stark

Yes, I know where I’m going I know what I’m doing Propelled by an Outer Force I cannot control And although I am flying I’m no longer crying The fear melting in my throat Hope nestling deep in my soul For when I open my eyes And look around me All the loops and drops Surrounding me Twisting, turning At this angle I’m earning A new perspective, crystal clarity Riding to a new reality Ride ride ride As we’re riding up And we’re riding up And we’re riding up On the roller coaster of our lives Riding along Riding along Keeping strong As we ride along In a little car Traversing so far On this ride… There is a Master Designer Who designed this all Who planned this ride It’s no free-fall The ups the downs The highs the lows The tracks that twist and turn In neat narrow rows Every loop Every drop Was created by The One Who put me here Only He knows why. For this ride’s not random It is all in tandem With a very perfect beat I can ease into my seat Letting go

I’m safe, I know I trust His plan Oh, the thrill I know I will I can Yes, there’s a Master Designer Who designed this world Who planned my life It’s no free-fall The ups the downs The joyous, the sad The paths we take The struggles we’ve had Every moment Every challenge Was created by The One Who put me here And only He knows why For life is not random It is all in tandem With a very perfect beat My destiny I’ll meet For up there’s An Engineer He has a Plan My hands up high I’m free to fly I can.

Chug chug chug As we’re chugging up And we’re chugging up And we’re chugging up On the roller coaster of our lives Chugging along Chugging along Keeping strong As we chug along Up and down Over and ‘round It’s my Ride ride ride As we’re riding up And we’re riding up And we’re riding up On the roller coaster of our lives Riding along Riding along Keeping strong As we ride along In a little car Traversing so far It’s my life… Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

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From Rayim’s Bulletin Board otline ’s upportanH Rayim S d demand? Rayim the law of supply

Ever heard of supply an ere’s a demand and to version is to realize th ips with the and ongoing relationsh answer. Rayim’s close clear that we ser vice, has made it parents of the children others in nefit from listening to be uld wo ts ren pa ny ma and the k up ideas, coping skills similar situations, to pic w support od company’. Our ne feeling of being in ‘go mothers of is a line specifically for on hotline – ‫אמונתך בלילות‬ personal stories, series inent guest speakers, om Pr . ren ild ch s ed format. special ne in a clear easy to access red tu fea be ll wi . etc st, four-hour topics of special intere it will ser ve as twentyg, nin tai ter en d an al Informative, inspiration e night, when baleilos, in middle of th es, pli im me na its as y, handholding, especiall k of Rayim will , the warmth and chizu en th en Ev . eep asl is the rest of the world be available…

Homceently opened a new Boys p u o r G s y o B New feather in Rayim’s cap… Rayim has reeeds. Despite lack of OPWDD Another Group

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ecial n lt boys with sp g and making Home for adu ay of launchin w ve ti ea cr a a found voted staff, funding, Rayim ts a very de as bo It . le ib em e poss and allows th the new hom sidishe boys, as ch r fo t en ronm families heimishe envi ey and their th at th g in able in a se¤ rtaining to be comfort efit from ente n be ys bo e h le with. T creational are comfortab vacations, re r te in /w er m as sum ed and wellactivities, such are well-train aff st e h T c. ents, et issue might trips, social ev ith whatever w ys bo e th d and rstan p for Shabbos adept to unde joins the grou le up co s bo ong ab come up. A Sh vironment am en ey om h a g eby creatin closely Yom Tov, ther red Nurse is te is eg R a , ly dditional e boys, the group. A al needs of th ic ed m e th s monitor ishment! involved and small accompl o N . ts si vi or ct ication and do including med

By: Adina Jacobs

New Rockland Location

Rayimâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s new Monsey location, and more spacious quarters, were worth the

planning and effort it took to make it happen. Our Monsey office, along with the Rayim cheder program, are now under one roof, in the center of Monsey, making it very accessible for everyone, the staff and boys alike. Currently located at 50 Melnick dr. the new office is newlyrenovated and beautifully furnished. The additional space in these new facilities will provide adequate, comfortable and private conference rooms for staff, providers, and family meetings. The cheder benefits tremendously from this new setup as well, as all necessary amenities to make their program successful. We are looking forward to accomplishing and reaching new heights from this new venue.

New Monsey Day Hab

There are Day Habs and then there are Day Habs. Creativity and innovation

are the cornerstones of our new Boys' Day Hab in Monsey, N.Y. It offers a very unique program for high functioning boys with special needs. Led by a very talented, trained, former special-ed teacher, the new program gives the boys the opportunity to participate in projects to renovate old houses. The boys get training by learning to paint, do electrical work, mow lawns, and understand and practice basic construction techniques. The work is gratifying, giving them confidence, life skills, and important lessons in teamwork and responsibility. When the outdoors and the project site become the classroom, the results are astounding!

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Creating a masterpiece!

Monsey Division Y IS A L P WHILE GRESS... IN PRO Clowning around with Macaroni the Clown

Topping it with Sprinkles!

Waiting on the ‘platform’…

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When playing and helping come together…

Hop aboard!

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Choo Choo Train!!

Swinging into action…

A delightful ‘dance’!

What a splash!

Bouncing off the slides!

Here I come!

Proud with my art work!

Cooling off!

Browsing the aisles…

Expressing my creativity!

A shopping spree at Amazing Savings

ES R G O R P IS IN ... PLAY Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

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Kiryas Joel Division

Taking turns…

Working together one piece at a time!

WHILE IN S PLAY I ESS... PROGR My unique Chanuka Menorah!

Doing Magic with Macaroni the Clown!

Creativity with food art!

Balls Galore, at The Elks Place…

Very Merry in my Purim emoji costume!

Free play gets us creative… Bouncing and sliding...

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Connecting with nature…

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“BLIMY” - getting creative with Play Dough…

Enjoying the great outdoors!

Little Baker…

Creating my paper pizza!

Ready for a Show!

Experimenting with Mr. Potato Head glasses

Following the signs to find our treasure!

Crafting my very own “Rayim” Logo!

Look at that identical Jingle Jump!

Look at my smile!

Enjoying the Rayim Uncle Moishy Show

Helping Hands!

S S E R G PRO LAY... IS IN P

Ten Plus ten Plus Ten, Ten,

For it’s that li¤le + sign That chains one ten to another And with each ten added The chain becomes Somewhat longer.

Is it ten plus ten, Hour plus hour? Or is it ten Times ten To the tenth power?

But Change that symbol To a x And with each ten multiplied The chain grows Larger Stronger Tenfold

Does our time increase And multiply Like the stars and galaxies In the sky?

Ten, Ten, Ten, Ten, Ten, Ten, Is one hundred. Go on. Add tens. Slowly, But surely, They’ll add up. And you’ll count The amount Of tens you tossed around And when you reach a hundred tens, Add one zero— A thousand. Go on. It might seem like forever But eventually, You’ll reach A million, too. Or Ten Times ten Is one thousand.

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Are we merely Counting our days? Growing older? Earning our pays? Or are we instead Carrying our days? Growing up? Tell me, Is it learning that pays?

The secret is Quite simple It all lies In a li¤le symbol It’s the determining factor, And quite essential, It’s the key To your potential For when you aim for the stars, You can reach numbers untold, And then you’ll succeed Tenfold!

Potential

Go on. Multiply by ten. Keep your one, Add another zero. And another. In no time at all, You’ll reach A million Billion Trillion Ad infinitum It all depends on the equation.

68 |

A day Plus a day Pass by Do they add up? Or do they multiply? The answer lies In the equation.

It’s not the variables In the equation Not your IQ Nor financial situation

Do we cash in Every minute? Live with passion, Heart and soul in it?

By: Malky Stein

ky Stein By: Mal

November 8 Dear Fuzzy, It’s Mimi here! Remember me? Yeah, I know it’s been a while. I guess life has been busy, in many ways. And maybe I’m also starting to, well, grow up. But lately I found myself needing you, my good, old, dependable friend. I guess the child in me is not giving up so fast…. See, here’s the thing. There’s been a lot going on in my life. Allow me to update you. First of all, I am now in high school. I’ve always loved Bais Miriam and was excited to continue to junior high, but I’ll be honest, there were many surprises. My teacher’s are wonderful, but it’s like, all of a sudden, there are expectations. They think of me as an adult, and allow li le legroom, if you know what I mean. There are teachers who are in once a week and know me only by the color of my glasses (purple), and there are others who are in three times a week and think they know me like they know their own teenagers. Then there’s our mechaneches, Mrs. Perl, who is super kind and friendly, yet for some reason, I feel scrutinized around her. Almost as if she is evaluating whether I’m a good fit for her next project. Sorry if I sound negative, Fuzzy. I really love school. And none of those teachers have done anything wrong at all! Maybe it’s really my new class that’s bothering me deep down. My new class is nice. But just that. Nice. Nothing like my elementary class. Boy, I miss my old classmates so, so much! Even though I stayed with my two good friends. There was something about the air… That spunk… Truthfully, I can’t complain. It could’ve been worse. At least I have my friends. But the biggest change was Pinny. Darling Pinny. Pinny, whom I love to pieces, even as he wreaks havoc on my life. Pinny, who, with his lopsided grin, lights up the world, even as he explodes our house. Pinny, whom my parents were forced, because of us, to send away. Forget it, Fuzzy. If I write one more word my tears will drown you. Good bye for now, Love, Mimi

November 16 Dear Fuzzy, You knew I’d be back. How right you were! You always are . It did take me a week to recuperate a¥er writing to you, though. What is it about you, Fuzz, that gets my 70 |

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emotions roiling? It’s almost as if you crawl deep into my heart, turn the valves and get me gushing! Well. So here’s the story with Pinny, now that my tears have subsided. Pinny was ge ing too hard. The stress was becoming unbearable. Yet nobody realized it. We all care for him so deeply, we love him so fiercely, that when it happened, we were stunned. It was on a Thursday a¥ernoon. Pinny had just arrived home a¥er his millionth therapy session of the week, when my mother noticed his eyes were rolling in an interesting sort of way. At first she thought it would pass, but when he landed on the floor, his arms and legs thrashing about, his head limp, we knew right away it was a seizure. Now, Pinny has had plenty of those, so my mother called Hatzolah and they whisked him off to the hospital. Traumatic as it was to watch my brother immobilized on the stretcher, my sister Chavy and I kept our cool and took over the house. I must say, we managed beautifully (and even got along quite well), serving dinner (cauliflower soup and my mother’s famous sesame chicken which she had prepared earlier), bathing Chaim, Esty and Faigala and tucking them into bed (with their favorite Berenstain Bears book), and I even did kriah homework with Chaim, all the while not calling my parents for updates since I was afraid to bother. 9 year old Yi y pre y much took care of herself, minus some nagging, which I handled pre y well, I think. At 10:45pm, my mother finally called. When I heard her voice, I let out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding. She said Pinny was stable and would hopefully come home before shabbos, and would Chavy and I take care of buying ready shabbos food tomorrow morning? Of course we would, we reassured her. She put down the phone saying how proud she was and how lucky she felt that we were her daughters. But was that tension I heard beneath the sweet layers of her voice? Nah, it was most likely exhaustion. Or perhaps both? That night I tossed and turned in bed. The house was eerily quiet except for Chavy’s cha ing on the phone until way past midnight. I had checked and double checked the locks, made sure the stove was turned off and peeked in several times at the kids. I knew Chavy was old enough to take charge and my parents had seemed ok. And Pinny, I just knew he’d crawl out of this alright. But none of my reassurances worked; the harder I chased my sleep the faster it ran away. Friday morning, though, I bounced right back. When

Dea r Fuzzy

III Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

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my friends called, I was my cheerful, regular self, telling them ma er-of-factly about Pinny’s “fun”, as I called it, and not allowing for any commiseration—I’d had enough of that, thank you very much. To make a very long story somewhat short, Pinny came home an hour before the zman, with my two haggard looking parents trying very hard to pretend everything was normal. Well, our house definitely did look normal. And clean. Challos on the beautifully set table. Soup warming on the hot tray. Bright pink peonies I had

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bought at the florist bursting out of our gorgeous silver vase. My mother, as usual, lit the candles like a queen. Okay, like an exhausted queen. My father waved as he went off to shul with his trademark “Guuut Shabbos” singsong. As I said, normal. But what followed was anything but normal. Chaim began whining and couldn’t be stopped. Esty and Faigala practically killed each other over their dolls right by the stairs, sending Faigala tumbling down. Yi y sat unmoving on the floor sucking her thumb as though it were her life support. Chavi and I suddenly disagreed over every narishkeit that could possibly come up. (And disagree is a mild word for our kind of disagreeing.) By the time the seuda was over, Mommy was locked in her room, To y had collapsed in his chair, Chaim’s whining had reached an unbearable decibel, Yi y was still refusing to budge from her spot on the floor, and Chavi and I were not on talking terms. (I won’t even start describing the unfrozen Freeze Pop party Esty and Faigala helped themselves and the entire house to.) Somehow we made it through the night. Shabbos passed in a haze of silence, robotic movements and delicious food gone tasteless. Sunday found my parents back in the hospital for follow up tests with Pinny. Monday, Chaim refused to get onto his school bus and I literally dragged him to his classroom, arriving late to school. The rest of the week continued in a regular, humdrum routine, besides for a lowhanging cloud taking up quite a lot of space in our house and some intermi ent hushed whispers coming from my parents’ room. On Thursday, my father dropped the bombshell: Pinny would be going to live in a HaYeled group home. Leaning on the edge of the counter with all of us standing around the kitchen, To y explained that a¥er that past Shabbos, he and Mommy realized that even though our home ran beautifully and smoothly under the circumstances, the strain on our family was starting to take its toll. Wearing a solemn expression, he said that we love Pinny and would continue to love him and visit him, but we just could not keep him home any longer. And a¥er consulting with rabbonim and social workers, the consensus was that sending Pinny

to an excellent, reputable group home was the sensible solution for our entire family, including Pinny himself. When To y finished speaking, we were quiet. There was nothing to say. A¥er a few moments, we all silently went upstairs and got ready for bed, not daring to look in the direction of Pinny who was staring off into space from his lopsided position on the sofa. As soon as I hit my pillow, Tears came barging in. Remember Tears, my childhood foe? Oh, I thought I had conquered him! But here he was, in his element, wracking my body with sobs and guilt and shame. Years of emotion, a frothing cocktail of resentment and love and pity and anxiety and confusion came pouring out, flooding my ma ress in its hot, salty stream. Pinny. I suddenly felt so a ached to him. My mother. How would she do this? Esty. Faigala. Would they ever know him? It was all my fault. Our fault. Who said we couldn’t do this? Could we? I fell into a fitful sleep. The next morning, reality hit. Hard. But a certain measure of acceptance permeated the air. Arrangements, phone calls, shopping; our home was a flurry of activity. The only one oblivious to the monumental changes was Pinny. Which made it all the more gut-wrenching for me to look at him as he gurgled happily on the floor. So that’s it, Fuzzy. That’s the story with Pinny. He seems to be doing great at HaYeled. His counselors seem wonderful. Mommy is slowly coming to terms with his move. And, luckily, the facility is close by, so we get to visit him at every possible opportunity. Life has not been the same. Our house is calmer. Things are more predictable. Mommy has a lot more time to focus on us, on suppers, on bedtime and homework and laundry and the mundane stuff that make a home tick. In a certain sense she is happier. Less stressed. More here. But there’s an elephant that has taken up permanent residence in our home: guilt. And he’s quite the unsightly one. Sometimes I feel like our home is a Stratego game. So many soldiers ba ling to protect our flag. Our security. What do you think, Fuzz? Was this the right move? Love, Mimi P.S. Pun intended.

November 29 Dear Fuzzy, Today was a great day. Until. Mrs. Gross, our Navi teacher, gave the first test of the

school year. Whew! I never knew tests could be fun. The kind of fun where you’re challenged, but in a fun sort of way, know what I mean? I definitely didn’t expect high school tests to be this way. Honestly, I enjoyed it partly because I knew my work well. Mrs. Gross really is a dynamic teacher. And in her class, I really shine. I think. A¥er her period, we learned parshah. Mrs. Neuhaus is rather timid, compared to Mrs. Gross, but boy does she know what she is talking about. Her gentle and fine demeanor belies the wealth of knowledge within her. By the third lesson, my mind began wandering off. Not that our Halachah shiur wasn’t interesting or important enough to me, just because, out of the blue, the thought struck me that today marked three weeks since Pinny was no longer living home with us. Oh well. I don’t think Mrs. Blau noticed; she sure is not the type to turn a blind eye to a crime like that! But I will have to borrow someone’s notes to make up my work. Now that’s my problem. Whom will I ask? Dassy’s handwriting is as undecipherable as waves in the ocean. Raizy writes only the bare minimum—headings and one sentence per topic. And that leaves me with only girls whom I don’t know too well. It’s hard to get to know girls who always stick around their old friends. Chayala Neuman. Maybe I can ask her. She sits right in front of me and is probably the only kid in my new class whom I sort of became friendly with. I like her. She is so¥ and kindhearted, yet with a sweet sparkle in her eye. But. I’m not even sure what the but is. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that she is really se led with her friends. Between Chaya Miriam, Frady, Dini, and Leah and always some others gathered around her seat, does she really need Plain Jane me? I end up spending all my free time in school cha ing with my elementary classmates in the school hallway. We have a good time comparing classes, subjects, teachers, and, frankly, I enjoy their company a lot more than that of the girls in my new class. But it is not what I really want. Really, Fuzzy, I want… Actually, what is it that I want? Love, Mimi

November 30 Dear Fuzzy, I know what I want. I WANT TO FEEL NORMAL! Love, Mimi Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

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December 1 Dear Mimi, Changes are hard. You are doing great. Be patient. Everything will fall into place. (Slowly.) Love, Fuzzy

December 2

Dear Fuzzy, Thank you for your confidence in me! It sure helps! You are so right. I am going through many changes, hopefully positive ones. But changes are hard, that’s for sure. And they make me rethink and reevaluate myself and everything about me. They force me to make decisions, to be in touch with my feelings, to extend myself and to grow. I know I almost sound like Mrs. Hirschfeld; who am I wax poetic about life and growth? Perhaps, though, poetic or not, this is a realization that comes along with maturity. And thank you Fuzzy for pointing that out to me! Love, Mimi

December 9

Dear Fuzzy, Chayala Neuman came to my house today. Who wudda thunk? Mrs. G. paired us up on our Navi project. At first we were both a bit shy. Here’s how it went: Me: Hi. Come in. This way. She: (shy smile, following behind me) Me: (Swiveling my head back to face her halfway, like, with one eye) Um… uh… how are you? She: Fine. Baruch Hashem. Er, It’s nice to be here. Me: (blushing purple— Help! what am I supposed to answer??) Well, er, it’s nice to have you. Pause. And we burst out laughing! When we both couldn’t breathe anymore we literally had to force ourselves to stop, but thankfully, the awkwardness had passed along with our giggle a ack. The rest of the a¥ernoon passed so quickly and enjoyably, that by the time I waved good-bye to Chayala from my doorstep I couldn’t believe that it was 9:00 and, hey, I had possibly made a new friend. As I said, who wudda thunk? Love, Mimi 74 |

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December 17 Dear Fuzzy, I told Chayala about Pinny. Somehow, she had already heard that I have a special needs brother, but she didn’t know that we had recently sent him to live in a group home. When I mentioned that, her eyes looked like they were about to spill over, and interestingly, it didn’t irk me one bit! I’m weird, Fuzzy. Love, Mimi

January 12 Dear Fuzzy, Now I get you. Things have been good these days, actually, very good, I must say. A lot be er than I could’ve ever imagined back in November when all I could do was sulk and fret about what used to be. You know the way Mrs. Hirschfeld always talks about our ta°id and how we don’t always know what’s good for us and how sometimes the worst situations are actually the best only we have to wait it out to see the truth and sometimes we never get to “see” it with our own eyes but we have to believe…. (Ohmigosh am I really writing all this spiritual stuff??) But yeah. There were many changes. And they were hard. It took me a long while to admit that to myself. But once I realized that, I was able to focus on the present, and even look ahead. And, in hindsight, I think that is when things started looking up. I’m starting to get to know my teachers be er, and I learned not to be so judgmental. I am more open to being mekabel from each of them. Which is a good thing because I really do have a lot to learn. Chayala is a great friend to me nowadays; I would have never believed in the 9th grade we can still make new friends. I guess “se led” doesn’t necessarily mean “locked in”. I even became friendly with many other girls. Patience, isn’t that what you said? Tell you what. A¥er Chayala came to my house that day, it dawned on me that perhaps I was the one locking myself in by sticking around my old friends, just like everyone else, and perhaps it was up to me to step out of my comfort zone and try to reach out to other girls. And try I did. I still miss my elementary class, my old teachers… but I miss them in a sweet, cozy, happy, sort of way. The way I miss the Twerpz (remember?) I loved when I was li le, but I’m ok just nostalgically imagining its tang being

squirted onto my tongue without that actual I-need-oneNOW craaaving. I’m doing great, you said. I guess you were right about that too. That is, I started doing great once I saw what happens when I’m being too great. A¥er Pinny moved out, all I felt was guilt. But now, seeing him happy, and my home finally acquiring a nice chunk of normalcy, I have moved past the guilt and realized that not always can our performance measure up one hundred percent to our expectations. Sometimes, we have to lower our standards to be able to keep up, for otherwise we end up crashing, somehow or another. Luckily, my parents were the ones to acknowledge this when they saw the fallout a¥er Pinny’s post-hospitalization fiasco, and I am really, really grateful for their courage. And I’m grateful to myself, too, for writing all this to you. Even if no one ever reads this. Not even you, Fuzzy, even if I always add these scribbled scraps to your stuffing through the many rips in your frayed, old body. Not me, even if I’m the one answering myself in your name when I feel I desperately need an “outsider’s” view. Well, perhaps one day I’ll retrieve all these creased papers from your insides and have a good laugh reading them. Perhaps not. On second thought, it won’t ma er. You’ve helped me sort my brain out, Fuzz. So here goes: (drumroll) Thank you! Love, Mimi

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T A H W FOR YOU WILL

“Today is

,”

? N E V DA

said to

looked up to the

. “It is a very

Hashem,

important day. You can ask Hashem for anything you wish. For what will you

“A brand new lifted his

,” Said

to Hashem for

? Hmmm… That’s nice,” said , looked up to the

whispered, “Please, Hashem,

for

anything I wish and you will give it to me. Can you

Then

finished his

said, “

, you can

to you every time you speak to Him. For what will ?”

“I know what!” cried a

. Our very own

Then

ran off to play with his train set.

When

. “I will

to Hashem for

. So we can go to the

zoo every day and to visit

and

whenever

“Our very own nice,” said And

Fa l l / 2 0 1 8

Hashem the entire day? Hashem never, ever takes a break! For what will you

Hashem for a

?”

? Hmmm… That’s

than all the

. I wish I could have a

lifted his

s on the highway. And I’ll ask

Hashem for a

too.”

“A

? Hmmm… That’s nice,” said

And

lifted his

, looked up to the

whispered, “Please, Hashem,

, and

says I can

to you the entire day and you never, ever take a ? Oh, and a

too?” Then

zoom around with and make noise and drive faster

sat down to read his favorite Curious

George book. When

S PA R K S

, did you know that you can

break. Will you please send me a

we want!”

76 |

finished playing with his train set,

thought for a moment. “Ooooooh! I will

to Hashem for many things. Hashem listens

you

?”

sat down to the table to eat his

When

own

said, “

, and

says I can

please send me a brand new

says you will listen to me every time

I speak to you. Will you please send us our very

?”

“Anything I wish? Hooray! I will a brand new

, and whispered, “Please,

finished reading his Curious George

book,

said, “

, I will now go to shul to

be healthy and strong so that we can take good

will come watch you here, and she will bring along her little

and

“And for what else will you

so you can play with

“I will

them. Be a good boy until I come back!” “Yipee!!” Exclaimed

. “I will have so much fun

When

’s cousins came,

door and waved to “

,” said

“I will

. “For what will you

?”

to Hashem that you should always be

a good little boy and you should grow up to be a big tzaddik,” said

“Bye,

,” said

Then

lifted his

to Hashem that

BUBBY ZEIDY DOVI COUSIN RIVKY BROTHER

, looked up to the

and whispered, “Hashem, I really want my brand new

and our very own

and a cool

?” asked

, please listen to her

really well, because I want all the things my for, too.” Then

“And for what else will you

TOTTY

. And he blew her back a kiss.

Hashem, when my

MOMMY

. And she blew him a

kiss.

so that you can grow up healthy and

happy,” said

“I will

?” asked

to Hashem that we should have

enough

,” said

.”

to zoom around with and make noise. But also,

“And for what else will you “I will

to Hashem in the

“Gut yom tov, walked over to the

to Hashem that Moshiach should come

and

!”

?” asked

fast so that all Yidden can go live together in

with my cousins! I will show them my train set and all my books and

care of you,” said

ran off to play with his cousins.

and I should always

SISTER ROSH HASHANAH DAVEN HANDS SKY YERUSHALAYIM

BIKE CAR MOTORCYCLE HELMET TOYS MONEY BREAKFAST

BEIS HAMIKDASH

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Edible

Sukkah

he blowing of the shofar, the crunch of pomegranate seeds, the swaying of men and women in shul begging Hashem for a sweet, new year give way to the sounds of wood rubbing against concrete, the klop, klop, klop of hammers, and ping, ping of gun staplers. Sukkos is in the air!

This year, we aÂ¤empted to create our very own edible sukkah (minus all these

sounds, of course). Whether you use it for decoration in your real sukkah, as a sweet Sukkos treat, or just assemble it for fun, this sukkah is bound to charm you! So letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s get klopping!

What you will need: 5 graham crackers Lotus cream (or anything brown and creamy like peanut bu er, chocolate syrup, etc.) Sugar crystals in three different colors (I used red, green and yellow.) Thin pretzel sticks Candy bracelet Lemon (esrog), red (pomegranate), and purple (grape juice bo le) fruit candy White sandwich cookies 2 peanuts Needle and white thread

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We got our sukkah decorations! Now, let’s do the table. Pile a stack of 3-4 sandwich cookies. Take the “cover” off the top cookie, exposing the white cream. Use a small spoon to spread the cream so it covers the entire cookie. Place two peanuts as challos at the head of the table. Cut a small piece of the purple fruit candy and place in middle of the table. That’s your grape juice! Break the tips of a pretzel stick into two small, even pieces, and place them opposite the challos to serve as candlesticks. Perfect, a beautifully set table!

To assemble: Smear a thin line of cream around three sides of the “floor”, and on one side of each “wall”. Put the table in middle of the floor, and a¤ach the four walls— since this is an open sukkah, put one wall on each short side of the floor and two walls on one long side. First, let’s hang some colorful stars on the walls. Smear a rectangle of cream on the top part of each of the four graham cracker walls. (Reserve the fi¢h cracker for the floor.) Then, use a pretzel stick, or anything thin and straight, to create a diagonal line across one corner of each rectangle. Spoon some red sugar crystals on the triangles that you now see at those corners. Repeat for all four corners. Then spoon some green sugar crystals on the diamond shapes you now have inside the red borders, leaving a bit of the centers empty. Fill the middles with the yellow. You might want to tap gently at the sugar crystals so they should stick.

For the schach: Use white thread to tie a loop through 5-6 candies from the bracelet. Hang each candy onto a pretzel stick. With a needle, pull some thread through the top of the “esrog” and “pomegranate” candies, tie a loop, and hang them on two more pretzels. Place pretzel sticks across the top of the walls, making sure the decorations are positioned in a way that they should be spread around the entire sukkah.

Now you can have your sukkah and eat it too!

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Who am I? 1 I have forests, but no trees. I have lakes, but no waters. I have roads but no cars. What am I? 2 When I’m first said, I’m quite mysterious, But when I’m explained, I’m nothing serious. What am I? 3 I’m just a seven-le er word, But I contain dozens of le ers. What am I? 4 I have six faces and twenty-one eyes. Yet I cannot see. What am I? 5 You use a knife to slice my head, And weep beside me when I’m dead. What am I? 6 I am the beginning of sorrow and the end of sickness. You cannot express happiness without me yet I am in the midst of every street you cross. I am always in risk yet never in danger. You may find me in the sun, but I am never out of darkness.

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Wrack your brain: 7 A sundial has the fewest moving parts of any timepiece. Which has the most? 8 What makes this number unique: 8,549,176,320? 9 What five-le¤er word becomes shorter when you add two le¤ers to it? 10 Your parents have six sons including you and each son has one sister. How many people are in the family?

Is it possible?

12 I le¢ my campsite and hiked south for 3 miles. Then I turned east and hiked for 3 miles. I then turned north and hiked for 3 miles, at which time I came upon a bear inside my tent eating my food! What color was the bear? 13 A man is looking at a photograph of someone. His friend asks who it is. The man replies, “Brothers and sisters, I have none. But that man’s father is my father’s son.” Who was in the photograph? 14 A man stands on one side of a river, his dog on the other. The man calls his dog, who immediately crosses the river without ge¤ing wet and without using a bridge or a boat. How did the dog do it? 15 In 1990, a person is 15 years old. In 1995, that same person is 10 years old. How can this be?

Answers: 1. A map 2. A riddle 3. A mailbox 4. A die 5. An onion 6. The le er S 7. Turn on the first two switches. Leave them on for five minutes. Once five minutes has passed, turn off the second switch, leaving one switch on. Now go through the door. The light that is still on is connected to the first switch. Whichever of the other two is warm to the touch is connected to the second switch. The bulb that is cold is connected to the switch that was never turned on. 8. White. The only place you can hike 3 miles south, then east for 3 miles, then north for 3 miles and end up back at your starting point is the North Pole. Polar bears are the only bears that live at the North Pole, and they are white 9. His son 10. The river was frozen 11. The person was born in 2005. 12. An hourglass—It has thousands of grains of sand 13. It has each number, zero through nine, listed in alphabetical order 14. Short 15. Nine—two parents, six sons, and one daughter

11 You are in a room that has three switches and a closed door. The switches control three light bulbs on the other side of the door. Once you open the door, you may never touch the switches again. How can you definitively tell which switch is connected to each of the light bulbs?

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h a n a h s a H h s Ro

d r o w s s Cro le z z u P t s i w T a h t i W

1 2 3 4

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Hints Across:

Down: 1

Sweet, sweet honey in a dish Dip your apple right in there, And may those insects that produce it Also have a sweet, new year!

Sharp words kill They sting and _ _ _ _ So be careful with your words For they really have might

Look at the world in rose –colored glasses For things may be better than they appear Those two little organs Hashem gave you Have the power to see things clear!

Take a piece of challah in your hand Wait, don’t _ _ _ _ down yet, First thank Hashem for the delicious food To say a berachah you must not forget!

If you did something not so nice If things went rough between you and your friends Calling names or insulting in public You gotta ask for mechilah to make amends.

I feel so hurt and misunderstood She said something so nasty to me tonight Remember, try to judge her favorably; Her bark may be stronger than her _ _ _ _ .

Help the old woman carry her bags Listen to your friend as she confides in you Helping others with their burdens Will make it easier for them to continue .

On Rosh Hashana the world was born Everything was oh, so new, Today I feel the newness in every _ _ _ _ Of the starfruit I eat for shehechiyanu.

1) BBBB’s (Bees) 2) IIII’s (Eyes) 3) TTTT’s (Tease) 4) EEEE’s (Ease)

Down:

1) BITE 2) BITE 3) BITE 4) BITE

Across:

4 3 2 1

B B B B

I I I I

T T T T

E E E E

ANSWERS:

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SPARKS M AGA Z I N E

It is cold and dark. The fire is out. Its power to light and warm has been extinguished. There seems to be no hope. But wait! There is one tiny spark among the dying embers that still flickers with life. It has the potential to reignite into huge and glorious flames that will radiate warmth and light. Sparks, the power of rebirth, of bringing to life new hope and joy.