Result of the Damages - Vol: 1

Result of the Damages A Compilation of Short Stories & Poetry Volume: 1 Raymond F. Garcia

Result of the Damages A Compilation of Short Stories & Poetry Volume: I

Raymond F. Garcia

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Copyright Š PTR Media Publications 2014 The right of Raymond F. Garcia to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patens Act 1988 All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopied, printed, recorded or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher and copyright holder.

Publisher: PTR Media Publications (Online) The publisher may be contacted at this URL: http://www.powertalkradio559.com/contact Credits Chief Editor and Project Manager: Raymond F. Garcia Composition and Design: Raymond F. Garcia Cover-Design: Raymond F. Garcia (Instagram.com/BigRay826)

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Dedication “This book is dedicated to all my friends and family. Most of all the inspirations were through the many journeys we have traveled. Even to the ones that I have not spoken to in years, I will also like to especially thank you for always being there in spirit and guiding me in and out of the darkness for all these years.

Thank you for believing in me.”

– Raymond Frank Garcia

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Prologue Result of the damages is a dedicated art form of my personal writings giving it through the perspective of my eyes. Every feeling I ever had has been written on paper, and described in details that have reflected who I am as a person. These involve tales, poems, and abstract descriptions of my feelings that I had at that given time. All of these have been done through a rough time period of 10 years, most of have been edited or have been modified to give the full detail in a simple manner. Its pieces of my life scattered like glass or ripped paper only to know that it’s slowly putting itself together.

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The Dragon and the Blind Girl One day on his travels, the Dragon was flying across the plains. As people fear him and see nothing, but disaster when he's near. He drifted so fast and so quickly that the feeling of freedom rose upon him. After a couple of miles more he felt tired and needed a rest. As he flew a couple of meters he found a tree on top of a hill, and landed safely near the shade of the biggest tree in the land. Where he slowly drifted asleep, the Dragon soon dreamt of a future which he nearly waits for him so closely. Then in a distance the Dragon was slowly woken up by a cry, but not just any cry, a cry that he has heard before.

The Dragon, feeling the person's pain got up and flew near the cry.

There he sees a girl sitting near the river sobing. The girl wearing a blue shirt with blue jeans and sitting, so close to the river were her toes were touching the water. She held her hands on her eyes continuing to cry. "Why, why, does this.. always happen to me, why do I always feel so hurt inside?" she kept on saying to herself.

The Dragon slowly fly's down and sits right next to her. "What's wrong?" The Dragon said to her softly. "It's just that every time... every time I would give my heart to someone they always end up tearing it up to shreds."

She weeps. The Dragon replies "I understand. I too have suffered from this, what you called heartache. I've been judge as more than any viscous being. I too have a heart." The Girl continuing to cry and lays her head on the Dragon.

The Dragon say's "You don't deserve someone to hurt you, you are very nice and beautiful."

The Girl slowly feeling the Dragon; The Dragon asks "You’re not afraid of me?" The Girl Said "No why should I? You’re very sweet. I need to go home now can we talk again some other time, but the same place?" The Dragon being very excited "Yes I'll meet you here just whistle." The Girl replies "Okay see you later, Oh wait I didn't catch your name?" The Dragon feeling kind of scared saying that he's a Dragon and that he doesn't have a name, so he made on up.

"My Name is David." The Girl said "David that's a nice name, I'm Maria. I'll see you later David!" As she picks up her stick and starts to walk home.

The Dragon feeling very happy and noticing her stick, The Dragon fly's away back to the tall tree on top of the hill. For the next year the Dragon and Girl become best of friends over time. Every day the Girl would whistle near the river and David as he called himself would come really fast and sit right next to Maria and they would just talk for hours. And the Dragon would always think about her and will always dream about her. One day the Dragon asks "Why do you always point the stick in front of you when you walk?" Maria replies "I'm blind I can't see anyone’s faces, because of all my heartache made me this way." David asks "Do I make you feel this way when you’re near me?" Maria replies "No your different, I just don't want to end up in the same path which lead me to my blindness." The Dragon respecting her opinion he slowly starts to feel sad.

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The Dragon realized that she was the perfect girl, and was confused on why other people would lead her this way. The Dragon slowly falls for Maria.

Every day The Dragon looks for ways to impress her and would bring her a present of some sort. To keep Maria happy, because when Maria was happy the Dragon was happy. Maria slowly realizes that the Dragon was getting close and she felt like she wasn't ready for heartache. So one day she whistled and leaves a note near the river.

The Dragon comes and sits where he usually sits near the river and he sees the note. On the green grass near the water next to the rock, Maria would usually sit. The note said "David I know you like me, but I don't like you and I just don't want us to end like this I just want to be friends sorry." The Dragon not knowing what to do, he fly's back to tree and plays with fire and starts burning leaves that would fall of the tree. While he sits and looks at the dark ski and he watches a shooting star fly right by. He wishes for her heartache to be gone and would sacrifice anything to see her to be happy, so he could be the one to love and treat her the right way.

The Dragon hasn’t spoken to Maria for almost weeks face to face. One night the Dragon feeling depressed he fly's to the river spot where he would meet Maria. The Dragon just sits and watches and listens to the water slowly pass down the river. Then Maria walks and sits near The Dragon. "Hi Maria, How have you been? Where’s your stick?" Maria replies "I don't need it anymore, I could see now." The Dragon looking startled and afraid of her bad reaction, "Don't worry I'm not afraid of you David" Maria said. "You knew I was a dragon?" The Dragon asked. "Yes, from the beginning I always knew that you were a dragon and that your name wasn't David" Maria said. The Dragon smiled and started to get closer to Maria. Then Maria starts to hug The Dragon.

"Will you give me a chance even though that I'm a Dragon" asked The Dragon.

"Yes I will because I don't feel the heartache anymore and now I could see and I could see the goodness of people and I see the most beautiful person in you Dragon, I love you" said Maria. Then Maria reaches out and kisses The Dragon.

Then in a flash The Dragon wakes up from sleeping under the tree, looking and confused on what just happen. There he looks in the distance and sees Maria dancing and playing around with other people. Maria was happy having fun. Then the Dragon starts to cry knowing that she is happy that her sight is back. Then slowly he's vision becomes slightly off. As he watches Maria, She wonders up close to The Dragon and she says "Thank you Dragon, I love you very much." Then Maria smiles and runs away, then the darkness fills The Dragons eyes knowing that he is now blind from the heartache.

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Why I Am Alone? (The Dream Story) Have you ever had a dream that felt so real? The story I am about to tell you is weird. I'm going to keep it brief and simple. They say when you have such an intense dream like the one I had; you’re supposed to write about it.

Not for the sake of the reader, but for the sake of the writer to understand why he had this dream? This dream was like no other, this little nap dream send me on one really intense emotional road. For me to realize it was a dream I had to wake up four times. I can already the feel the reader’s reaction when they read this. You! That’s right! You! I'm talking to you the person who decided to read this, under my behalf or somehow this story made it in your hands and you’re interested in what I have to say. Just for that I will tell you know that I really appreciated it and it means a lot to me. Thank you.

I slowly wake up in a small house near a little town, a simple town surrounded by trees and wilderness. I don't know why or how I ended up there? I just remember walking into the bathroom and notice that I had a full goatee, so I must have been a little bit older, I don't know and I wasn't sure. I just did a daily routine, worked out, and lifted weights, than ran on a treadmill.

Then fixing me a nice breakfast with pancakes and eggs, I could still remember the smell and the cool taste of the milk as I drank it to finish off my food. I could even remember going into the bathroom after eating, but I won't go into details about that. Then after cleaning the dishes I walked into my office or so it said on the door. There I saw my laptop computer sitting on an empty desk right next to the window. As I slowly approach my desk I looked at all my awards and plaques for writing, and there were a lot of pictures of my friends and I all over also.

I glanced at all the books on my shelves, mostly all mystery and Steven King books. I shrug and looked at my pull-out chair. I quickly sat down, and looked at the window and stared at the flowing river which was a couple feet away from my backyard. With the corner of my eye on my desk there was a copy of Steven King's book titled “The Stand”. I just let it be, I did not even bother to look at it. Then I found a tape recorder, so I just picked it up and pushed the record button and stuck it in my pocket. Then it started to feel stuffy so, I yanked the window open, and I was able to hear the sounds of the water hitting downstream and the birds sing. As I leaned back on my chair and looked at my calendar, which said “Book Signing!” in red ink on every Saturday of this month.

I couldn't help but to laugh and smile. After I went for a walk, and somehow I already knew where to go to get to the city. There is a trail which leads right into the center of the city, which is nice I didn't have to walk far. I looked at the friendly neighborhoods and just watch the happy people smile and enjoying themselves. I wanted to know what town I was in, but everybody I overheard saying that it was the best town in the world. All I know it was better looking than any small town I’ve seen.

Walking further down the street I saw a big commotion near a sports bar.

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Of course I walked there and it was a big World Series game playing on their big screen TV. As I walked in the bar I sat on the bar stool, a barkeep looked at me and smiled and said “Hey man what's up, let me get you the usual.” The man handed me a cold Corona, and he said “Yo man I read you new book man, the stuff you say is the truth man.” Again I laughed and shrugged and I replied “Thanks man” and continue to drink. After having the beer and spending some time watching the game I decided to leave and walk home.

I notice that it started to get dark, and I felt my cell phone vibrate. I looked and it said “Meet Her Near River!” I was clueless who the girl was, and somehow I knew where to go. The place was a couple feet away from a running waterfall, but there was this stone which was near the waterfall and it was lightening by the moon. There near the rock I saw her, a tall girl with skinny features. Then as soon she turned around she was my old friend that passed on years ago but alive? Confused I was, not understanding why she was here?

And only her? She started the conversation with “have you written anything lately?” and we continued from there. She would talk about her day and what she has been doing lately, and I would tell her the same and other subjects.

And day for four days I would continue this routine for four days. I would get up workout, eat, hit the bar and meet her. I could even remember feeling tired and walking into bed and falling asleep and waking up still in the dream (I'm telling you it felt so real for about the longest dream I ever had). But after the fifth day, she didn't show up.

After that I felt really confused, I told myself that she probably had something to do. I didn't question it at first, but on the sixth day she also didn't show up. At first I thought I said something wrong, so I heading into town.

While I was walking down the road I saw these guys in a small old rusted up Ford Pick-up. They drove by looking at me really mean like, but I really didn't mind. Then I walked back into the same sports bar, and I just sat in a stall near the window wondering what happen? Then a group of guys sit right behind me, all wearing football jerseys except for one with a newspaper in his hands. He said “Man it's a damn shame, and in very peaceful town too.” The other guy said wearing a cowboy’s jersey “why? What happen man?” the man wearing just a plain black shirt replied “This poor girl gone missing in the woods, she is 5, 7 to 5, 8 weighs about 100 to 125, that sucks man!”

Without any hesitation I got up and started to head back to my house. I quickly grabbed a flashlight and went to run the waterfall. I went to the rock, this time the rock was extra bright because of the full moon out that night. I looked around the area, and I spotted a bright light coming from on top of the waterfall. I was able to climb up a set of rocks which were slippery and I ended up cutting my hand on one sharp edge of the rock. I remember making it to the top and I was able to feel the pain and the running blood dripping off my palm.

I pulled out a black bandanna and wrapped my hand to stop the bleeding.

Then from a burst of my heartbeat I heard a crack, and there I saw her standing at the edge of the river looking down on it, holding a rose with both of her hands. I slowly walked up to her. She slowly turns and looks at me and then smiles “Hey...” she uttered and began to weep. I ran to her and hugged 8

her and held her “There are lots of people looking for you, what happen I was so worried” I said in great relief. As I continued to hold her tighter for her comfort, I lift up her face, shocked her eyes were completely black crying out black tears. As I looked at her shocked and afraid, in a sudden burst of light, she disintegrates right out of my arms as I watch her shadows disappear into the night sky. Then I blackout, right there near the river.

I was slowly woken up by the light of day and the sound of the roaring waterfall and rapid rivers going down stream. Then my eyes opened to my right hand, which held a little gold looking necklace which said “Forgiven” on it. I couldn't help, but look at it for some time now. It was a necklace that I gave to her the day before she died. I just looked at it and stuck it in my right pocket.

As I put the necklace in my pocket I saw a little floating piece of paper stuck on a branch in the river. I was attracted to it, so I went and grabbed out of the water then I take a glance at it. “Internal” was the title of the poem which I wrote for her a few months back, before she died. On the back of the paper written in black ink it said “NEVER AGAIN! SHALL HER HEART BRING FORTH THE LIGHT AND SHALL IT SUFFER IN THE DARKNESS FOREVER!” I don't know who wrote this all I know is that I was scared for her life, even though I saw her disappear before my vary eyes I had a feeling that she was still alive.

While walking down the pathway to my house, I spotted another piece of paper which was stuck in a bush near a big tree near my house. The title said “The Forgotten” a poem I written almost five years-ago, but half of it was ripped off another half was missing. On the back in black ink it said “Thus the light seems to Love... Yet the love could burn and even kill unless......” The other half of that was ripped off.

I ran inside my house and went to my office, and ran into my closet and looked for my old notebook which I wrote “The Forgotten” in. As I pulled out the college ruled black and white notebook I looked for the page. There I found a clue on the sixth stanza of the poem, which was the only part that was, torn off. It talked about jumping off a bridge. There I looked at my laptop and there is only one bridge in this nameless town. I printed out the google map, and got into my car and drove to the bridge. As I approach the bridge there was a road block which said “Dead End” on it. I ended up parking the car right off a curb, and walked the rest on foot. After reaching the bridge still a little daylight out, I was able to see the piece of paper hanging by a thread near the other side of the bridge. I immediately ran to the other side and grabbed before if flew away, into the wind onto the river below.

It starts to get dark, I ran to my car as quickly as I can. As soon I got into the car I turned on the inside lights of the car. There the note was titled “Leave Me Be” the poem I written about our many trips we took together. There in the back this time in red pen ink “THE WORDS YOU SAY COULD HELP OR LOSE THE ONES YOU LOVE THE MOST, SO IS IT TIME YOU ASK? OR IS IT THE REASON WHY YOUR STILL ALONE? WHICH ONE, WHICH ONE, SHALL YOU CHOOSE! FOR IF YOU KNOW WHERE SHE IS HELD, YOU WILL BE ALONE FOREVER! AND YOU WILL DIE ALONE! FOR THAT LET THE SOUND OF THE MEADOW CLEAR YOUR SELF BEING!” 9

I don't know what was going on, but the things that I've wrote were clues on where she was. In a flash, I knew where she was at. I started the car up and drove to the meadow near the amusement park. I looked in my glove compartment box and I grabbed the red emergency flare. Then I pulled up in the parking lot. Then I ran and ran, out into the field and there she was standing. Crying helplessly wearing damaged clothing, for what she was wearing when she went missing. I ran to her and I held her once to comfort her again. I was able to say a word to her very quickly. I heard the roar of a chainsaw and the smell of gasoline running. My reflex engaged and I pulled out the flare and lighted it and I pointed to the men who surrounded us. All blue collar men with cutting tools. All their eyes were a glowing black color, like the color of a possessed child. Then as I watched the men get blinded by the light.

Looking that they were the same men who drove by me in the pick-up truck when I first walked into town. I had no attention then running, but no we stayed. Then a beam of light flashed from her, completely stunning the men and probably making them permanently blind. As the light grows to the surrounded area and I held her tight as she released a huge yell. Then the night was over. Then I wake up in a sudden burst of reaction, on a half burned once a nice meadow. Then to close my story I was alone in a dead field, and she was gone.

Then a few days later the police pronounced her dead. A week later I ran through the same routine as usual, instead going to the waterfall. I just went to bed. It's funny, I felt like I was really going to sleep in a nice king sized bed in a home that I owned. Feeling comfortable I drifted asleep. Waking up in a half destroyed place which was, my house. I heard a noise approaching me. I look up as the being walked barefooted crossed all the broken lumber and glass from the rubble of the destroyed house. There I saw her again, “Ray... they took me” she said shivering. I looked in shock “You’re not real.... you’re not alive...” I said falling on my knees and started to weep. She slowly walks up to me and hugs me “you’re not wrong.” Then I held her with such great relief. “Is it really you.... am I really holding you right now?” I said weeping not really sure if I was holding a ghost or not.

“I can’t stay.... life has only begun for me” she said crying just crying weaken by the grief. “Don't say that.... they can't take you away anymore, I won't let it” as I looked at her, not sure in what to do. Then I remember the necklace, I pulled it out of my pocket and I put it around her neck. When I got the necklace on her and held her again tightly. “ I....” then her grip faded away.

As I felt her take her last breath, I held her lifeless body in my arms, “NOOOO! You can't take her away from me again! No... you... bastard!” I screamed into the ceiling, so loud that God himself was able to hear. As I said that her body rushed into black ashes and crushed right between the fingertips of my hands.

From where I sat and cried, there was just the “Forgiven” necklace sitting in my hand. As I fully wake up and feeling so down, and tears already half my down cheeks like if I was crying in my sleep.

I guess the moral of this dream, is not for the fate of heart. The story in which leads to a demolish plot into my own sanity. I look at it like this, the 10

people who you don't even realize has always been there are most important in our lives. It doesn’t matter who you knew the longest, it's all about who came but never left most of the time when they are there, we don't even tell them how we really feel about them until they are gone. This dream goes into a far deeper detail in my own life experience. The way of losing a best friend like this is heart breaking. It was hard for me to go through it once, but twice was just scary. Then again, when moments like this happen, you tell yourself “I now know I must make it better.” From this I learned the concept of the word truth.

It's friendship! Despite whatever the one person you could relate to and get along with the most is a gift. That is way I cherish friendships the most in my life and to whoever read this passage.

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Journey In the beginning, there was light for me, it was the dark.

Blackened by the night living through the cold start.

As I grew, wondering in the sand my vision gone, because the heat blinded me.

Scrolling through the flat land there a beam of light, were I must be.

On top of mountain, so high right at the tip of heaven’s door.

A mountain beyond the sky while I run, on the ground floor.

It was time, a time for chance a reason, a purpose that I seek.

Breathing through the dangers, I glanced only to find you at the peak.

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My Dream Last night I had a dream about you in this dream I'm dancing right beside you.

I could feel me holding you then a bright light grazed on you.

Then all I knew the dream was gone.

All I could remember is your smile so bright, enlighten my world.

Awoken, still lying in bed for a while Letting our future unfold.

Our endless hold.

Rising, looking beyond wishing on in my mind.

So, my mind is not clear It's just that one fear.

On losing you.

Knowing you'll be gone soon I've accepted that fate.

But why is that true?

Cause it's what you want to do.

But one matter still stays the same.

I could still hear the beat of your heart I could hear it forever.

No matter how far apart I'll always remember.

Why I cared for you.

But a part of me can't help to cry knowing, just knowing.

You'll be far away That's why I hide and try my feelings I have for you inside.

It's painful, but it's worth it I just hope you know, That I'll do anything for you.

With nothing in return, just a smile And I'll be waiting right here.

Until I could hold you once again.

You'll always be in my dreams, I love you.

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Night Sonnet When the time comes we'll know As the greyish shadows have no will.

As go for show, while we take the blow Shot behind the skull, that's one kill.

The reality shows time As my time to share.

Innocent people taken form their prime Not one left to spare.

As one suit the difference of one race From color to the outfit.

Lanced by a billy club to the face As the MP-40 makes that one hit.

The past of one kike changed the fight When the Jews survived the night.

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Rain As I wonder into the streets I look up upon the clouds.

Caused by the thoughtful beats for my love close in bounds.

Through the city's darkness when I learn that love is not a possession.

While the breeze took my forgiveness only my love for you is my expression.

How does it feel when you're cold inside?

No time for the guilty peel to heal as my thoughts run a slide.

Then I watch the water poor down as the metal begins to rust.

What am I? Just a dying clown with many souls burn to dust.

As the wind blows and the rain is flying.

The depression flows then I fall and start crying.

From that I look as the raindrop lands on my face.

In my mind you were the hook into my virtue, in my place.

When I think, it's my vice thus the control of my mind.

Through my final judgment, I'm nice as there is no one of my kind.

As the thunderstorm grows with clouds of blue. there I'm alone, not just a friend with love to gain Then I stand so close to the end, like a mindless flu as my love for pours out, it infinite like rain.

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As As your smile glares in the harvest moonlight For that your brown skin breaks the love bond.

As you eager sorrow, I sense through your eyes a pleasant night As your friendship glee's to mine I tend to fond.

As your tender innocence brings out hope From there I see your checking loneliness through the past.

As your kiddish voice brings joy in the time line rope.

As may people surround you with wisdom endure The Wisdom is like the ocean of the breaking shore.

As you see, lurking, finding a way To glare hope into your love for your peace.

As you see for the way to the bay Jessica brings the word of the queen to the lease.

As your gifted Is there really a time?

As your lifted You float as gentle as a simple chime.

As you glance upon the one star You really try to realize who you really are.

Let love seek into the land of your dreams as shown You are not alone.

One thing in life you must understand The truth of lust women to man So open the door and you will see There are no secrets make your move set me free

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Broken Down Up the road, just short trips.

Just to see you smile.

Me holding you by the hips Gazing through your eyes.

Just the thought of you as I sit, broken down.

Hoping of seeing you soon. trying not to sob.

Free falling with my eyes at the sky.

Waiting and calling for your love again.

The hood of my car, I lean and wait.

Through my life so far as the day becomes late I have never forgotten, But I’m scared.

Of being forgotten and all the days we have shared.

As my car steams I begin to walk.

Following the light beams praying for us to talk.

Holding my guitar down the road still pretty far as the night grows cold.

Hoping entry back into your heart Let me sing to you knowing it hurts, of being apart.

Not just my car but I will always be there for you knowing that it’s not that far with my heart broken down.

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Far Away Love How could I explain this?

A feeling so true.

As soft, as a simple kiss blinds my feelings for you.

As I could imagine the day, that you would be here.

Just wanting you to stay with my mind truly clear.

Through your pictures on my screen and from the videos you sing.

All my feelings that you have not seen through all the happiness you bring.

Just like when Romeo was banished to leave it haunts him, just like me now.

As he would write to Juliet, he believed loved made the distant connection.

Let me be brief, for my heart is the endless shove.

Powered by your beauty, thus I grief because you’re my far away love.

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For All Time The past I envy the most thoughts through the endless mind.

As I blew my boast the feeling I had, was a different kind.

Cast by one event one that shattered my mind and my heart.

The time I could have prevent look at my time chart.

Whom it was? I was not sure the memory, ever so true.

What was done, was done no cure I look in your eyes, you see me through.

I felt the shame thunder in my soul ever so blue.

I was lost, yet you still came I felt home when I saw you.

Thus I was blind it slowly came back.

I wonder into the whined from the boules of a considered hack.

Falling into the destiny road I finally got up and fight.

Into the streets, breaking my code as I stare into the beauty of the night.

I wish to apologize for my grief for my actions let my mind loose.

I wish your company wasn't so brief It was destine, for you I choose.

The feeling I couldn't explain for you nor words, but I'll go anywhere.

Not anger, not jealousy, yet joy with pain as long you were there.

Understanding how we both turned our hearts cold conducting my thoughts on what’s real.

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Thinking why I couldn't say my devise bold The feeling I couldn't recognize wouldn't heal.

Forgetting what it was called the secret I wanted to let you know how I felt.

When we talked I was shy and I hauled the trust strong as God's belt.

The feeling was love, the lost emotion the time with you is the endless prime.

Love mixed with past and present devotion Forgive me, when I ask if I can love you for all time.

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For You It feels like forever since I held you tight.

Then again, I can barely remember through all these fights.

All those lonely nights.

How do I still know, are you still there?

No matter how much I show It's like you don't even care.

Then again I don't blame you, Life came and hit us hard.

In your eyes it's true For you.

Every time you called I came running.

The plans we've hauled for a better day coming.

Nothing but trust you and I. How did this become such a bust?

Once again I must.

Just your close friend in duty I shall take the hit.

For you I truly will bleed just a little bit.

As you disappear were I'm still not clear.

I would.

Your never alone you had me at hello.

Like a complex cello No matter how far apart you're deep in my heart.

No matter how cheesy all I try to do is please.

When I'm sick you help me heal, It's just the way you make me feel.

Through all the apologizes I hope you understand.

Only if I could for you 21

Forgive Me? Let me dread cause all I want to end.

Is all this pressure all this pain.

For what I capture is not for my gain.

Let me please rise again.

As I let time began.

Time for me is precise I can't help to bare.

To say I'm sorry once again to the ones I care.

But is it fair?

I just too get a blank stare?

Out in the cold night.

And here I write.

Like a time-bomb slow and calm.

As I wonder away Just fallow the stars.

Just let me say surrounded by all these cars.

This is my apology.

Your right I'm sorry to forget.

You're there for me and I'm there for you.

My actions verifies, who I am sometimes I forget.

When the world gets me down.

I'll go for miles just to see your smile.

Under my own choice just to hear your voice.

I'm sorry for letting myself be do you forgive me?

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Heart Rhythm Here I am walking through the cold streets.

Forever but damn As my heart still beats.

I can hear you speak, even though you’re not there.

Is it you I seek?

How much can I bare?

The air is still cold But I'm colder inside.

So much that needs to be told Yet I still hide.

When you shall call I will already be here.

My heart tells it all but it's that I truly fear.

I don't deserve you I know it's true.

But I will still try to believe that's not right.

My mission to protect through your modest respect.

I'm the robot that was design to keep trying to make you mine.

No emotions except lonesomeness Through this long walk.

A tear so bliss I will blend this talk.

Empty without a heart because you have it...

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Loved You From Afar I guess it’s hard to explain?

In ways, I could never feel.

Yet here I gain A friend to heal.

It started with your voice Your catching personality.

Captured by choice, Envisioned into my reality.

It’s hard to say That I’ve grown attached.

But it’s okay Since you were a catch.

Then comes my sorrow Of our distance between us.

As we stay up till tomorrow Through a screen, it was a must.

As we chat from our house Across the free land.

We talk about the music and the mouse But I have to take a stand.

To let you know how I feel Yet I’m afraid, let it be may.

For what I tell you is real To fall in love with someone far away.

Through your eyes I can tell you care Just by the way you stare.

I can’t help but to look at you And you know it’s true.

Although, through all those miles I can still see the smiles.

So I have to let it be, For I don’t know how you feel about me?

As I be square, giving you the clue When I’m thinking about in you in my car.

I really do care about you As I loved you from afar.

24

Magic Carpet Do you remember?

It was in mid-December.

The first time we locked eyes The first time you smiled.

Your truth, ever so blinds The time was short and mild.

To the time when I was lost, your love had no cost.

To the first time I held your hand I would take you and show you my land.

Lord knows I've tried It was your shoulder, I've cried.

You were my fairy tale to my breaking dawn.

With my skin falling pale waiting for you to respond.

My Bella to your Edward just pulling us forward.

Fear of losing your heart splitting us slowly apart.

As I sing to Bruno Mars, Standing outside, watching the cars.

Holding in my pain “Forever it will rain.�

It doesn't seem to matter and it doesn't seem right.

To hold everything I feel inside, feeling it every day and night.

For nothing to blame we were the same.

I was once a street rat an Aladdin with a hat.

To me you were my princess, a Jasmine who could care less.

These are my feelings for you just to show you my humble truth.

Our lives are not set until you come with me on my Magic Carpet.

25

My Dream Last night I had a dream about you in this dream I'm dancing right beside you.

I could feel me holding you then a bright light grazed on you.

Then all I knew the dream was gone.

All I could remember is your smile so bright, enlighten my world.

Awoken, still lying in bed for a while Letting our future unfold.

Our endless hold.

Rising, looking beyond wishing on in my mind.

So, my mind is not clear It's just that one fear.

On losing you.

Knowing you'll be gone soon I've accepted that fate.

But why is that true?

Cause it's what you want to do.

But one matter still stays the same.

I could still hear the beat of your heart I could hear it forever.

No matter how far apart I'll always remember.

Why I cared for you.

But a part of me can't help to cry knowing, just knowing.

You'll be far away That's why I hide and try my feelings I have for you inside.

It's painful, but it's worth it I just hope you know, That I'll do anything for you.

With nothing in return, just a smile And I'll be waiting right here.

Until I could hold you once again.

You'll always be in my dreams I love you.

26

Repeated Love & Pain It’s a blessing yet a curse.

With more time passing stranded by the verse.

Blasted into faith and sorrow the smiles of a shattered heart.

When you leave, I follow staying with the fear of splitting apart.

To something we had to nothing at all While the sadness drives me mad with the perfect example of the fall.

Through your smile, through the sun shine. when we cried, the clouds covered us.

With every kiss, every hug, everything was fine nowadays we can’t survive without a bust.

Waking up to your closed eyes as they slowly open, smile, and a kiss.

The felt of doubt between your lies from something so sweet, to not so bliss.

Clashing into the drama and yet you were my other half Until the day’s blew through the karma hoping someday we could look back an laugh.

All the sacrifices, all the tears. hoping a chance to regain.

To lose you, is beyond my fears.

As I stare out, in the middle of the rain we repeated love & pain.

27

Secret To Your Soul As modest as I could be through you I fail.

For your love catches me to your emotions I can't bail.

As I hear you your smile to your grin.

Then You would ask who together wonder Alice ever so been.

I simply asked why our personality's so alike.

For months I honored, you were shy to your trust is an endless hike.

As I sat in the cage thus my lonesomeness.

Gazed my past I wish it could change there I saw you nevertheless.

Your beauty caught my eye through your curiosity bounds towards me.

Then all my stress went by for once I was free.

From the pointless rally we shared.

Onto the raining valley from our lives you compared.

As I treasured the connection from the rags to the T-bird.

From your unbound attention till today grease is the word.

There we walk, then apart listening to Billie Jean, is not my lover.

No matter what your still in my heart As your life is told by your cover.

When murder wasn't a mystery to us right down to your friendship, isn't whole.

I waited with you that night, you were the plus Finding the secret to your soul.

28

So Close, Yet So Far Away Tempted by your desire By your elegance and your grace.

As my love gazes like the fire Is this truly my place?

Just wishing to see your face.

Our laughter Into the dreams we speak.

Shall we relax after?

Or is it your eyes I seek?

As your voice makes me weak.

Why is this true?

Wondering in my mind.

These thoughts of you Like no other kind?

With only one thing to find.

A chance to hold your hand Into the big city we can stay.

Were we could make a stand With so much to say Have I told you, I love you today?

If not? This is my way.

You are so close, yet so far away.

29

Somewhere Walking the sad Monday street, With no course just following the beat.

As the wind blew into my face, For must the blowing leaf's take my place.

Down from my house on Van Ness The pain still grows nevertheless.

Thus the summer day goes by, I stumble cross the urge to cry.

Trusted by the breeze mocked so cruel, Right when I pass by the high school.

Towards the flag guarded fountain, There I sit on the bench absorbed in.

From there I look up into the sky, For a shooting star soared but why?

God granted me a wish to ask, Then I look down sobbed like a mask.

Then I look around again through the sound, Of water cast into the bound.

At last my mind clears, Afraid to ask brings the fears.

As I stand up turned around and look at the bench, I see me and you talking through the clench.

Remembered the time you came, When I was lost I looked at you felt unashamed.

As I think of the time we spend so dear, The force of one dropped tear.

A quarter past midnight, Felt save as the stars gave the light.

When I continued to walk, Pass through the center of Keck Park.

I felt like I shouldn't wish on my dreams, As I made the same wish before it seems.

Then I strolled down elm street, Walking with my head down looking at my feet.

Wondering why depression has a clue, Asking can this be true?

30

Through the paste of being judged, Must I nudged.

Looking down the winding road, Much of my love turned cold.

Then I see the past, Center at last.

Thinking that the shooting star was a gain, Or it could just have been a airplane.

Then looking up not for forgiveness, As I felt, But for some help.

Afraid to be lost, alone, and afraid, Through the major course I made.

Damned into the feeling, Lost with no cure, no healing.

Instead of love, anger turns the miss, As I wish for the simple kiss.

There I lost the purpose to write, But as I see you I continue what’s right.

Don't think of me as just another guy, For you are the shooting star going by.

As my wish is for you as hard it is for me to claim, As the past and now grows the time wishing for fame.

Could we be more then friends in the future?

This is the question through human nature.

I return to the place called home, why me?

As cupid shot me and won't let me be.

The feeling on not moving on, Without you I'm nothing, no point, I'm gone.

Thus you already answer the question without asked in advance, You said you gave up, but give me a chance.

I know it's hard, it's even harder for me, When people say is there a we?

Must I answer, for you to think of me the same, For the happy wish I made, That I can hold your name.

As you read this message, I don't need to look nowhere, I found you, your special and you can't find that anywhere not somewhere.

31

The Nightmares The rain fall, thrashing across the sky.

The dark wind blowing, through the roaring lighting.

Who am I? You made me this way!

You can't turn it off!

You just can't turn it off!

The horrendous voices in my head, as the screaming and yelling in my bed.

Even when I hear it's over...

Nothing is over!

Why? Does this make any sense at all?

No... it doesn’t.

Why? Cause I'm insane.

No meaning, senseless.

Just like murder.

There are no rules just games.

Only if you could see, what I can see no colors just black and white.

And bright red color of the blood.

Why do I dream like this?

Why does the only time I have away from the world end in horror?

Such a mindless question to ask.

It's just a fear yes a fear of being away.

Being locked away, alone in the dark frighten.

Crying as I used to as a child.

Now as a grown man, I'm ashamed.

To shed the tears of a man who is afraid.

Afraid of what?

Being alone..

Not fact or fiction just truth.

32

The Raven (Adaptation) As I sit and weep, I can hear and see the wind, lurking and blowing the thoughts like a broom sweeping the dust onto the window seal, hearing the whispering songs of many souls fearing the light of day. The wind flowing, blowing, breathing against my back into my flesh, the flowing breeze is so fresh on my bones. This can show me that I’m not alone anymore.

Sitting, just sitting trying to read to throw my pain away, trying to think why this could happen to me, pain is all I see when facing death that is all anyone would see, pain, pain, pain, the only resource in my veins. The sorrow life of my lover brings no more darkness, but not any light either. There I face the picture of her in the bookshelf of the living room. Then the clock stricken midnight there for.

Hell’s demons rise with terror to seek the leak into the souls of innocent angels.

Fight no more as a sudden boom clashes onto my front door. Without any reaction I snooze then a zoom of noises begun outside my door. I stare and glance onto the door as a few seconds went by I sigh with sudden relief then I hear the noise again. “It’s just the wind or a unexpected visitor or an unreasonable by-standard nothing more.”

I walked up to the door while the sudden rapping of the door and the hedges of the door squeaking as the wind blow gently through the cracks and the broken seal on the floor. Therefore the courage thought of my head said, “There is someone there just figure out who?” Then the thought of a sudden boo scaring me and making me run for my firearm. I open the door and the darkness fills me even more.

“Hello” I say lurking into the darkness of a cold October night. As I turn around and close the door behind me and locked it tight like a chamber in a dungeon.

My own prison cell, in my own sorrow and grief. With no hope and disbelief knowing she is gone and out of my life praying to death to take me too so I could see her again. There I stare at the picture again and touching it slowly just to feel her once more.

As I cock the handgun from the desk and tucked it in my holster, I walked to the window. Then a window burst open in there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore; Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he; But, with mien of lord of lady, Perched above my door and perched upon my head statue of Edgar Allen Poe above the door, perched, and sat, and nothing more.

As the Raven stare I laugh and giggle thinking of the sudden horror of my lost love taking over my mind. There I ask, “Oh Noble Raven is what a sudden to 33

come and lurk into my unhappiness and sorrow well come forth what is your name?”

Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

I shrugged and glanced another way from the staring Raven there I look at a picture of me and my love holding each other and smiling. Despite my forgot fullness of what a smile felt like. “Will I ever be happy again, just like I was before,” I said.

Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

Hearing that shocked me into a surprise thinking that the Raven’s last owner only taught him that one single word and not matter what I would say the Raven’s reply would always be the same. There is the fame of a talking Raven build for greatness, but the shocks of it made me drop my picture of my lover and me. The picture upside down had a message saying “I love you till the end of time and my is everlasting and nothing more.”

One Tear, One Fear, fell and consumed me like a sad lost puppy not knowing where to go. As a cry for help is no longer an option, for my kind of pain. “If I can’t see her in this life will I ever be able to see her in the next life like I was hoping for,” I said Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

“I’m not a bad guy” I said “but I’m a mad guy talking to a wise bird who knows nothing but nevermore.” The bad happens to the good and the good happens to the bad. There the Raven has no more brains then the only word “Am I ever going to be ever happy or see my beloved ever again; therefore;” Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

Then to sadness to anger as I exploded with rage on the Raven, “You Liar! I will soon see my beloved once again and until I do you need to get out of my broken heart and leave my presence and don’t you think of leaving a single feather on my floor just go back to the fiery pits of hell where you came from do you understand furthermore,” Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

Finding no way on controlling it, The Rage went straight to the Raven as the reaction of the Raven is very fast can cast anyone off through the scattered books and papers in the living room as I tried to get the Raven out of the area just to slipped over a pile of the papers and fell. Then the Raven gets on top of the door and stares then I quickly drew my gun. Then I come to realize that the clip was empty, just like my soul lurking for ammunition and seeking a chance to fire. As the Raven’s shadow gives an exact look alike of the Raven itself. Just with nothing to show. For is “Nevermore.”

34

These Dreams Could you feel the fire, That’s inside of me.

Watch my heart burn with desire Let me set you free.

Looking into your eyes You know what I see?

Us sitting under a tree Yet, I just have to let it be.

But it truly hurts As these flames burn high.

It always seems to be my curse That I lose to another guy.

The heat that runs through my heart I could see us having a blast.

But the dream was dead, before it start The nice guy always finished last.

I’ve fell But I can understand why.

In my personal hell As I lie down and cry.

Face it, I’ve failed I’ve lost you already.

My only chances have bailed While I try to hold my heart steady.

I trust what my heart says Even if you care for him.

My love for you stays So I have no choice but not to be grim.

I’ll let my jealously turn I’ll still be here as it seems.

While my heart shall burn You’ll always be in my dreams.

35

Thoughts For Your Love Listen! To the words I have to say, Read! The message which blends with the lines.

Controlled by a dream, without the pay, For our connection has no fines.

As your inspiration brings mine as well, To the adventures we had.

Lost knowing that life is the hard shell, Of whatever the source goes bad.

As the past months go by, People still wonder.

And ask why, As a couple, why I'm not with her.

That's the thing, Her heart is too broken.

She gently holds to the string, Thus these words have me choking.

I try and try for the right moment in time, This is the most hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Searching for her trust I still clime, Still she doesn't have a clue.

Tired knowing that she is not mine, Not the one to own, but at least a chance.

Any day I would walk with her down the love line, I want to make the advance.

Can't you understand, I'm tired of being just a friend.

I can never break your heart, as I make a stand, I just don't want that feeling to end.

The feeling that I get when I'm with you, Just to be near your heart and smiles.

The closer I bond with you, Just to spend a little time I would travel hundreds of miles.

Your personality, Grabs me.

Through loves immortality, Could we be?

As the song you love down the repeated hole, You are the angel from the above.

Modest is the girl I love so, As I bring thoughts for your love.

36

Time Is Universal I can't believe how it past now it's just a remembered thought.

As we expressed, it was a blast much tender as the blue rose I bought.

Towards the long drive as we felt attention on the view.

The year's rewarded thrive all the stress, away it blew.

We made the impression on the city the awesome feeling towards everyone and me.

No pressure, pain, or pity we were free.

The taste of no parental control then the city's heart was beating how come?

Through our young souls on patrol the city of angels gave us freedom.

We wounder after we visited Chang's as a group we were amazed.

The sight of the pier, left us in hangs thus the breeze from the beach made us gazed.

Then as the day grew dim we returned to rest at embassy.

The next morning gave a smooth brim past was gone, we were making history.

We traveled to the theme park the movie magic thrilled us.

Very important person was the embark backstage passes in a trolly bus.

The whole day was an adventure filled with action sequences from movies.

The time that we will remember in the future As our thoughts prove in these.

We were together the whole way to the times when you were scared.

I held you for your relief, were you lay 37

when the forces of impact of the shows we bared.

For your intimidation of the house of horrors to keep you company I stayed.

When we saw the blue brothers in open corners we let the time fade.

Nervously closing time came we both traveled to the fountain towards the alibi.

When I knew it was time, put my nerves to shame then I walked and called you close by.

With butterflies, I played it like if I found it as I acted on the note.

Then your smile burned my notch habit happily agreed in a split vote.

Modest feeling great after your approval vast then we saw the crowed.

Flat-top brings the dance into the cast keep it funky he howled.

The boost of confidence from you, to impress you I got to the crowed and danced.

Looking at you smile, change my heart on who put the thought of a talent to advanced.

The city walk during the nights what’s there to say.

The music, talents, the lights being with you made it even better on the way.

We were in shock words by you I will never forget.

As we envy the flashing t-shirts for it mocks to the promise we made towards the bet.

We will go back some day to try and relive most of the time.

From there I wanted to say this was our prime.

In this entire trip, I wonder on the return this I plead on this approval.

As this attention we were star struck to the burn but being with you made time universal.

38

What Happen?

What happen?

It felt just like yesterday, together we would be.

From cold winter, to hot May, Through all the things we've seen.

Did you change?

Were your dreams rearranged?

You said you would be back, Back as soon as you can.

But not like that More liked you got up and ran.

You look at me Yet say nothing?

Was it something I said?

Was it something I did?

I feel like it's my fault?

Can I help?

Yet say nothing?

What Happen?

We were two kids with a dream.

Is that dream still alive?

Remember, the ultimate team.

Or is it dead?

No chance to revive.

I'm hurt really bad, Is that fair?

Left confused and sad Like you don't even care.

Yet I'm still here Here for you.

Waiting for you to call.

Because I still care For what we had after all.

Like a lost dog, left behind Waiting you to come back.

Hoping you'll find Your trust in me again.

Hoping you have learned Till I wait on your return.

Yet you never show up, I still didn't give up Is that enough?

For you to understand?

39

That your tearing me apart.

Just take my heart Left me for dead.

No matter what you hold This is not the end.

Just a very long road.

Not knowing where I'm going, Not a single clue.

I'm just hoping sooner or later.

That I find you.

Because I miss you.

40

My Gift To You To be honest.

I wish I could give you all the new IPhone, But instead I wrote this poem.

Something true to the heart, but I really don't know how to start?

Maybe how was your day?

Going well I hope, just want to say. more or less to ask?

Why does Christmas feel like such a task?

Haven't you notice? That's how I feel?

Like what’s the deal?

How did we get so materialistic?

Do you really need five pairs of jeans from anchor blue?

To show we care? Just being realistic.

And some don't even have a clue?

I'm not Grinching out I just want to show you What the holidays are really about!

No matter what you celebrate It's all about spending time with the people you love the most.

I'm not here to debate Over the presents we boast.

So hear me out, it's almost over Dust things you want off your shoulder.

And just have a good laugh And stop hoping for the new Wii you wish you had.

Love is what everybody needs This is the time for giving and suite through demand.

Do this and see what it leads, Just by giving your hand.

Then pour some hot coco in your snowman mug As a true gift of just a hug.

More sentimental then any toy Just the happiness and pure joy.

Above all you have received this season Through the end of this reason.

Let this time be true, As a friendly reminder, this is my gift to you.

41

Attention Despair Walking through the pain listening to the wind.

Down the road I've gain lost in a blend.

Why? Why? Part from my life.

To the day's I cry from the days I bare whats right.

As time draws us apart as the hurt grows more in my heart.

Is it human nature? to fall in such sorrow?

From not, it's the future, but my soul is not hollow.

Why? Why? As time fly's by.

Not even to mention just to get my attention.

Thinking that I don't care which leads to attention despair.

Let us fight together in the battle to find ourselves.

Is it not better?

Is it not right?

As we seek the night.

Soaked in the dreams of flights Together looking at the stars of lights.

Blast through it all from what we have saw.

Till life splits us apart is this better?

Let us cry together with our heads in the sky.

42

If Only I Had A Dream Can you see what I see?

I really don't understand this? what does this mean?

This feeling so sour, yet bliss.

Everywhere I go I see your face?

Through my thoughts and your grace.

My dreams put me in your place.

It's sad It's not good, but not bad.

As I walk alone in the cold I was the person you hold.

But now nothing, gone now where do I belong?

Nowhere just an empty mold.

Best time of the day Sleep time.

The only time when we would play straight out from the grime.

No matter where you were at when I closed my eyes you were there no matter how hard my heart would tear.

Then there were the memories full days of just us, no summaries.

Those were the best dreams just like reliving a day.

Sounds mushy, it seems But let me explain, if I may?

In my heart her smile that just gleams.

To the cold winter bright, to the warm summer nights.

We would ride my suburban just like Keith Urban.

It had nothing to do with the fast cars or the guitars.

Just her and I. It's not gone, just missing opening my ears and just listening.

Like a lost puppy, walking and crying 43

in the cold, just trying to find my way home.

If I could only explain?

I'm trying but it’s hard not to start crying.

I would stay up all night, I know it's not right.

But now when I sleep all I see is dark?

Nothing to embark?

Nothing to hope for, the only time I could see you Is just when I look at the sky, it would seem Now if only I had a dream.

44

My Shadow Departed from whom I care lost in my endless glare.

For one’s last final scare as life isn't fair.

Thus I know it's true on why I feel so blue.

As I wonder this very night through my own right.

I was lost.. with nowhere to go.

For time is only the cost with nothing to show.

Walking, just walking.

Listening to the people talking.

The people of the night laughing beyond there might.

As I stare with one glare.

One tear falls must I feel the stalls.

Of my heart ripping apart.

As being left behind lost in my own mind.

Walking with my head down feeling the frown.

Then I hear sound a sound so pure in bound.

Running water thus I went farther.

A fountain at the edge of the street.

Just a fountain roaring on such a greet.

As I sit that was it.

I started to cry 45

no matter hard I try.

It came for what I could blame.

I am weak... pushed and falling off the peak.

Alone... that's all I ever will be.

Alone... that's all I can see.

Damned to be weak with nothing to seek.

With the memories in such summary's.

Replaying in my head as I watch instead.

The nightfall sky with the stars go flying by.

I could remember, when you held me.

I could remember, I didn't want to let you go.

I could remember, you said everything is going to be alright.

I was afraid of how you would think of me?

What kind of man, I'm truly made it was through your eyes I see.

That I could trust you and only you.

Thus let me wait as my body shuts down.

Through my fate as the world turns around.

It's been so long in a place where I don't belong.

My trust, is all I have to show you.

Let me wait on this night for you.

Nobody would care, you could see As i look down, just me.

And my shadow.

46

4am Once again no sleep..

Just thoughts of which I resume to keep.

Just staring high of the poster above with no relief.

With my headphones on Listening to a playlist looped of course.

Wondering why every song reminded me of her?

Just memories blasting beyond my head.

Like an endless timeline looping from the beginning till now!

How come?

As the music plays the lyrics match my sorrow.

Thinking about how creepy it was?

And yet wondering?

Is this a message?

A little red flag going up?

Should I give up?

Should I let go?

Then I tell myself think to myself.

If she wasn't worth it I would have left already.

Not knowing it my attitude change.

Even the music change replaced with sorrow to hope.

Knowing that I care for her is all I need to know.

Then I look at my clock.. damn it's 4 a.m.

47

Black Ink Tension to the sore body the power of pain.

The feeling hurting down my skin.

Thus my mind is set of the precise gain.

From the force of where I have been.

As the needle dread past my arm.

Leaving a red trail of an everlasting story.

Of one long tale as the art is a mystery.

Carrying on me forever the thought will tell.

As if a sense of relief once it was done.

The deed thou never regret.

A piece done by a stranger of which I've requested.

Let the people see of what I've listed.

Upon my arm in black ink.

Is her name Destiny.

48

Sometimes Noire This is how I wonder...

Sometimes?

Sometimes I wonder if you see me?

Sometimes I wonder if you know?

Sometimes?

Just sometimes.

Why? Why does it matter to me?

It's not so much a question but an answer I so seek?

Do you know that I exist?

Just sometimes.

Does she know?

Does she even have a clue?

Through the rough edges thou shall be her lock around her heart.

Just sometimes I remember every day, every night.

When our eyes unite in the smooth breeze of the night.

Just sometimes I would hear a sound a song, a certain smell.

A feeling A feeling of belonging.

Just sometimes From the time I held you, to the time I held your hand.

From when I was lost... you guided me.

I remember Just sometimes.

I cared for you 49

still do, and forever.

Time has passed us by but the feeling is still the same I hope you read this and understand.

Just sometimes I'm always thinking about you.

50

Up All Night Things are getting crazy and hectic, were at times you couldn't make it.

Trying to get ahead, when you just want it to end.

Just trying to keep up in your mind, with nothing left to find.

Lying in bed thinking in my head.

All the time we shared for you’re the one who cared.

Through the struggles we fight, which keeps us up all night.

Yet again, it just began.

It's that time of the year, where things aren’t so clear.

Just the fear of getting to near.

Then when you are alone, you don't know what to do.

For what is shown, you don't have a clue.

Just the hope that your fine as your heart close to mine.

Lying in bed thinking in my head.

All the time we shared for you’re the one who cared.

Through the struggles we fight, which keeps us up all night.

Yet it's hard to understand the game that is being played.

To the things you band to the mistakes you've made.

As we both seek victory is ever so sleek.

Only time could tell 51

don't hide in that hard shell.

Let me reach you ask you, tell you, that you’re okay? singing songs, we know it's true.

Cause' just like you i get lonely too.

Lying in bed thinking in my head.

All the time we shared for you’re the one who cared.

Through the struggles we fight, which keeps us up all night.

52

I Never Said It Was Easy Tell me why, why, it hurts why? the reason you stay away?

Don't turn your back on me, please come my way.

You know it's true I never said it was easy.

To tell you that I love you.

Every single minute, hour after hour. through all that power.

All that grief, from all that defeat.

All the times we meet I'll look at your eyes.

And I fall all over again the reason why I began from all these emotions I go through It was all because of you.

Tell me why, why, it hurts why? the reason you stay away?

Don't turn your back on me, please come my way.

You know it's true I never said it was easy.

To tell you that I love you.

My mind is speeding like a race track, all that time we let drift.

For I always got your back as every day with you is a gift.

For the days end too soon if you asked I would give you the moon.

From the times I held your hand only you could understand.

Even though it's been a while It's all worth it, just seeing you smile.

Tell me why, why, it hurts why? the reason you stay away?

Don't turn your back on me, please come my way.

You know it's true 53

I never said it was easy.

To tell you that I love you.

Not even my broken heart could ever drift us apart.

Don't let me fool you with my face my pain goes away in your grace.

I stay wide awake for I know I don't have what it takes.

Every time I hold you, I could never be blue.

Don't let me go for you don't even know.

How much I care then again it feels so unfair.

That I have to play this game knowing already that you don't feel the same.

Tell me why, why, it hurts why? the reason you stay away?

Don't turn your back on me, please come my way.

You know it's true I never said it was easy.

To tell you that I love you.

Tell me why, why, it hurts why? the reason you stay away?

Don't turn your back on me, please come my way.

You know it's true I never said it was easy.

To tell you that I love you.

54

The Butterfly Finally it's time time to break free.

It's only your prime your time to see.

Ready to flow? ready to fly?

Now that you know are you ready to try?

Spread your wings for the love it brings.

Can you feel it now? nothing could hold you down.

Just gaze and be amazed.

The world is there for us to stare.

The change, the closer to freedom, to exposure.

We were once stuck on the ground with the world turning around.

You grew up beautiful, and that's why be free my sweet butterfly.

55

More Than Beautiful Do you know what I see?

I could see you with me.

Walking down the street talking, walking, feeling the beat.

No stress, no pain, just more to gain.

It was too good it seem, for it was all a dream.

Waking up, for I couldn't sleep just the thought.

I had to weep from all the pain it brought.

It was gone too fast just you and my past.

Day by day, night by night just wishing to hold you tight.

For I could still feel your hand so soft, so pure.

My sorrow to your grand your heart was the cure.

In my eyes I could see more then meaningful.

Us gazing upon the sky's you are more than beautiful.

56

Why? I could remember your eyes which lifted my feelings toward the sky's.

I could remember the talks all the endless walks.

The up's and down's from the smiles to the frowns.

Years have past I want to make sure this will always last.

Then why do I feel upset?

You are the most beautiful person I've ever met.

Then why do I feel so heartbroken?

Why do I feel so sick from this?

Why does it feel like I'm slowly choking?

This feeling that feels so bliss.

Can this be?

Why does it have to be me?

I could just see my future but it looks so bleak.

Why can't I just be free?

From this feeling which feels so sleek.

I'm falling again?

To what's ready to begin.

Then yet I've never stopped this feeling since we've meant till now.

From what is my internal healing, Was it you? wow.

Now it makes sense, It feels so intense.

Then I feel so sad that again not enough to be mad.

Because it was you for my feelings were true.

But my chances are dim that's why I feel so grim.

Holding back my tears ready to cry.

Then again why?

My joys, to my fears.

Looking beyond our past for us to be together, when the nice guy finishes last It could not be better.

57

Why do I have to suffer?

All I did was love her?

Then again love hurts.

Why?

58

Listen To The Rain From what I've notice it doesn't make sense.

When I can't feel the cold but then I could hold.

The pain, but not just any pain.

The pain of the rain to some it's just something plain.

From what I've learned watching to the things I've earned.

I still don't understand this feeling this disorder, which is slowly healing.

Holding, hurting, throwing, killing, me slowly.

From the words to the tears which falls from God's loving face.

Where inside are my darkest fears keeping me in the wrong place.

As my hopes turn into doubts I could feel what time is really about.

The insincerity of my heart which never lied, but once was torn apart.

And yet why do anybody care?

My feelings don't matter.

It's so unfair, one thing given to me on a silver platter.

Then again all I could do is wait and i could only pray that one day fate.

Will soon let me be happy with this pain but until then I'll just listen to the rain.

59

Conspicuous Looking in this empty room feeling so gloom.

As feeling lost isn't enough it's just been so tough.

I could hear the beautiful sound the hope in bound.

Looking around with nothing to be found.

Just walls with halls and endless calls.

Blasting my scared skin the soft texture of once been.

As the nervous thoughts rise There my fate, I really despise.

Daydreaming and gazing with sadness and dazing.

I can't stop thinking about whom?

Gathering thoughts in my mind.

Sweeping them like a broom hoping that I'll find.

The answer why?

Then I could really try.

To stop, or prevent the thoughts which hurts a bit.

Then the thoughts get deeper like shaking hands with the grim reaper.

Every time when it gets bad I can't help to feel so sad.

Just waiting just fating.

Thinking about the past flowing me back and forth by cast.

Trying to close my eye then out of nowhere I would fly.

Reliving the best parts by living close to my hearts.

Desires and feelings which holds the real healing's.

Thinking of times which held our primes.

The days with the lights 60

the days with our freedom and rights.

Loving the days so bright Loving them with all our might.

People who wouldn't understand while I can still hold your hand The feelings towards the world, the reason the feelings towards you, with the treason.

As long as you know how I feel that's all that matters really.

Only time could heal even though it sounds kind of silly.

Looking out the window, at the night why do I see your face, so bright.

From that I could make endless smiles hearing the beat of your heart from miles.

The only thing that I wish for, like an application on a phone.

To be there for me right now, to core and always be there to help my prone.

To keep me comfort, but it's nothing serious I'll just keep looking conspicuous.

61

Façade Misery forsaken my core the internal feeling of lust.

Killing me from the open sore with the pain, which drew my trust.

Capture my saying holding the words in as I speak.

Forgetting, thinking, praying, with the dreams I'm trying to seek.

How long will it take to try? just to find the reason why?

When time seems to just go by with my fate just looking into the sky.

Blast my dark shadow cast it into the endless pity and sorrow.

Just fate came to me from this point of state.

Damned to cooperate from the massive fate of the date.

Now that I'm tore up and done with showing the passion by its own bit.

As i look into the eyes of the moon shaking and stunned by the beauty.

Because only soon I could see myself there truly.

As bright reality shows how much I care willing to give and share.

All the love in one’s heart could be ripped and broke apart.

Then again where would we be? just a part of a long parade.

My time is endless as you can see just to be with you in this facade.

62

Damnation Awaken by the days have past working, hours through the cast.

As the bright day brings the fun coping under the golden sun.

For told the dark clouds which cover as the leaves blow far in a hover.

Shaken by the cold gust feeling the hopes and dreams we lust.

This is why I yonder through my days I wish then wonder shifting my pays.

With the wind blowing north I sink south yet to come forth.

For this is true about me that people rarely see.

I lay across the door tears of the forsaken land on my floor.

Thus is rain falls and clash for the puddles make the splash.

But is it really puddles from the rain?

Or puddles of my tears from the pain?

I don't understand this feeling trying to find a healing.

Yet I failed, I not yet succeed but this pain is not letting me proceed.

I have not found the notion to the blasted core of my sick potion.

Still through this painful ride I'm still cold inside.

There I gleam on a bright light which blows through the turning night.

With my head down casting by the circles of my frown.

As the light brings the memories of thee why does this happen to me?

The emotion where there was my notion.

All the years, through all the tears breaking all the fears of our peers.

Scoping past the fights ranking up with our deadly rights.

The lonely feeling 63

with us not far apart.

Watching and waiting for the healing As the love burns bright in your heart.

You as the power of motivation I'm stuck in my own damnation.

64

You Everyday every minute.

Every second no matter what.

Your there in my mind.

I don't dare not to be kind.

I'm not sick I'm not mad.

I don't want to pick a feeling I never had.

I can just sit there with the endless care.

With no chance no pattern to advance.

I can't stand it every little bit.

You might think this is about you?

Please don't assist that this is not true.

Trust me when I say that I'm ready to move on.

Is that okay?

But that feeling for you is not gone.

That you’re not like the rest as this put us in much stress.

Blame me for feeling the way I do.

I can't help it, for it to be these feelings towards you.

That's why I'm still here ready to hold your hand.

But is that fair?

You couldn't let me stand.

Lord knows I've tried trying to open your heart.

Killing my pride 65

splitting my heart apart.

As you were drifted then yet again gifted.

Giving you possession to others an obsession.

It's true why I'm always blue.

To an obvious clue crying over you.

I can't stand to say the words meant in a way.

As I don't hold the blame for I will still be in this game.

So I will hold my place And tell you in your face.

That I...

Love you.

66

My Mind Is Hell What is going on?

All I see is the fire, The burn.

The heat Of my soul.

My heart burns into dust.

As the forsaken surprise, Took the toll.

Not knowing what to do, No reaction.

Just the pause, Of a losing cause.

The dear silence, Of the fear.

I couldn't react, Not a tear.

The mix feelings, That I've experience before, Therefore.

I can't do nothing, Just to bare the pain.

Oh it hurts so much, I can't take it.

Then it's just plain, Am I going insane?

What can I do?

I can't forget, I can't block it.

Is it not just pain?

Nor is it love?

Is it only time?

Why do you have to die?

Let me try...

To figure out why?

Every time I think of you, I want to cry.

To sake my curse, 67

While I'll follow the hearse.

Forever Let it suffer on me.

Never Shall I forget the things, We did together.

As my questions vary, You were one of a kind.

And will always be on my mind.

When they come?

Or when I go.

We will meet again, Until then I will have to show.

Who you are?

Who am I? What can I do?

Who can trust?

Who can I love?

Then again, What can I tell?

When my mind is in hell?

68

Gone With The Wind Into my heart came out the tear, Of a sad day.

Were my peace had no fear, For another one we lay.

I couldn't bare the reason, Why did he go?

It's the season, I was the first ones to know.

To my childhood, To our brotherhood.

I couldn't understand why?

The depression eats my soul, Kills my inner being.

Why did you go?

I couldn't find the worst feeling.

You are still my friend, And you always will be.

In my heart, And in my mind.

We guided ourselves, We will never be apart.

Even though you are gone.

You're not gone.

I could still see you.

My brother I will love you forever.

As I write this, I know you could hear this, I will do, what you once did.

I shall move on in your name, Then I'll try.

To listen, But you’re not gone with the wind.

Even when I cry

69

Why I Can’t End It? This feeling is killing me, Eating me inside.

The pain that I can't see, Wanting it to be an endless bind.

Why does this have to be?

When I'm there I could see, The past haunting me.

Torturer to a great deal, From the scars that won't heal.

It won't just let me be...

I can't handle it anymore!

For my heart pouring out my soul.

And my mind losing control.

The visions in front of my eyes, destroyed into ashes.

Covered by the dust, Lost in the Earth's crust.

Gone forever, There why must I suffer!

The sacrificed of my will, Must pay a great price.

For I the flames burn through the seal, As it was a gamble, I did roll the dice.

I thought it ended, It was until it began.

Is there still hope?

Barely...

I will fight, But I will lose.

The pain was a lost set, Why I can't end it

70

True Friends People now a days talk about, Who our real friends are?

The answers are a ton, Of questions so far.

But then You can't say anything, Because you love them.

The people to give us rides, To give us their hands.

Were the truth hides, Were together they could rule lands.

It's very powerful, The center of anyone's core.

The edge of the centerfold, Then greatness holds in store.

To the time your down, The people you share when you’re up.

Thus the new people we find, Who end up the center of your mind.

For the support, For the need.

To the ones we feed, Absence of the greed.

The love is our deed.

From the darkness, To the light.

Divine to stylishness As they help us fight.

The ones who help us play, Finding the rules of the game.

Until the end of the day, It ends the same.

The The The The

smile, laughter. memories, sweet life.

Most can't define, 71

The true meaning of friends.

To the people I care the most, To the ones I could always count on.

If this not the meaning then what is?

Then you must understand, There might be those bumps.

The hatred I can't with stand.

From holds our hearts.

To exceed us from loving life.

And of course we go to the saying, We won't appropriate what we have, Till' it's gone.

So I wrote this as a reminder, Do you know who your true friends are?

Straight from the finder, I didn't have to go far.

I know who they are.

And they are you.

When I see you, when we spend time, Where about to finish this long rhyme.

Until the world truly ends.

You are all my true friends.

72

Center Of The World Don't beat yourself up, Don't over complicate your situation.

To some parts it's a challenge, It's all up to you.

Look at yourself now in a mirror, Drawn between yourself and your reflection.

All your days, thrown out into the center, Righteous complication.

Thus give your opinion on yourself, And you ask?

Who am I really?

Then your mind would wonder, You try to understand.

But most of the time.

It would fail, As your mind would sail.

Then you gaze into the sky, Night or day.

Just hoping for the clear understanding, Of our own mortality.

People say were angels, Were the greatest creation.

I truly believe that is true.

For we are all destine to for greatness.

We might think were ants now, But we really are in the center of the world.

73

Glory Sentence to die.

Into my vast of enclosed, How could I live?

I'm not really sure?

Why must I feel like this?

Just down, fallen into the pit.

Why must I suffer?

This pain I can't bare.

For my life is there, Into one endless stare.

Striped from hate, Is this my fate?

Wondering in wisdom, Lost in my mind.

There in my head, There are many doors.

For i am afraid to choose, Then again, what if I'm wrong?

What would I lose?

Let my mind go!

Somehow I will have to try, But no matter how hard I try.

For I live for the truth and not the lie, Then I'll still cry.

Till' the day, I'll show, I'll rise up against my chance.

From this I'll find my glory.

74

The Fire There I watch, Can help not to feel touched.

Looking at the flames, As they burn high.

Listening to the people scream, Gazing at the smoke in the sky.

Waiting patiently, To blow off the steam.

Watching people run, Running to their loved ones.

Praying for their safety, The Fire.

Just looking, I couldn't bare.

The horror and the danger.

No emotion just an awful stare, Looking at people scared.

As I watched, The place burn.

My emotion starts to turn, From this I cry, Looking at the black sky.

As i really try, Not to look at other people cry.

Watching people run, Running to their loved ones.

Praying for their safety, The Fire.

From the distance, I see the lights.

The reds and the blues, Guarded by the right nights.

When I passed the yellow tape, The building is not in good shape.

Watching others possessions go, Up in the smoke.

Down with the feeling, Then as I know.

I had nothing to show.

Nothing I could do.

75

I wanted to help, But no I couldn't.

So I prayed.

Watching the fire grow, I land on my knees.

I look at the sky, And I want to know.

Why? Until the break of dawn, People's memories are gone.

Burned to a crisp, Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust.

Burned all the way down.

Into the Earth's crust.

I cried, Covering my tears.

Holding back my fears.

Then looking in the distance, This little girl in my presence.

Watching her cry broke my heart.

Knowing the things she love, Are gone.

Everything's gone.

As she sat on the ground, Walking back, The toy I found.

A stuff bear, I did not know why it was there.

I picked it up, Dust it off.

Ran back to the little girl, And gave it to her.

She smiled and stopped crying, But I could still see her dying.

Inside her little soul, I saw a light.

Knowing that I've done all I could have done, Looking only to do right.

Sadly it still haunts the night.

But from one's desire.

Could help lives past the fire.

76

Lone Star God are you there?

I could feel your presence.

Or doesn't even matter, Are you even here?

Where were you when my heart shattered.

Why do you take people?

Why did you choose me?

I don't want to remember.

The pain is too much.

Just to feel the chamber, Then I could see the bang.

The vision, the memory.

This is not just my testimony.

Why did you have to go?

You were my partner.

Through this I want to know.

Why... Can someone tell me.

I thought Men didn't cry.

But it's hard for me to keep it inside.

Back then I did not cry.

I was just angry.

Waiting for my chance.

With your blood in my hands, I held you tight.

Avenged was my deepest plans.

But I still couldn't sleep at night.

I'm sorry.... I'm sorry.....

Years have passed, The pain has become less tense.

I became stronger, I know you’re watching me.

Keeping my promise to you.

That I'll become the man you wanted me to be.

I found something better then fear.

Which is now something that I hold so dear.

It's love for being here.

Every bright night I know.

77

I could look and see that one star.

The one that sticks out the most.

Because of this I grew up so far.

I'm there, I'm so close.

Then as I watch I not only think of you.

I think of myself also, Now that I'm here I'm alone.

But I know that I'm not.

I found out my truth tonight.

I can't be who I am without you.

I love you.

You were there.

You are that Lone Star.

Just like I'm the Lone Star here.

But here there are more Lone Stars.

I understand it all.

All the things that happen to me.

I could see the day.

I could see the light.

Our time is now.

I'm here to stay, Now you know.

Without you I would have not got this far.

I'm no longer alone.

But still lays the Lone Star in the dark sky.

78

The Heart Of Dreams I I I I

could could could could

see see see see

you, you walking. you, you talking.

I just want to say, What no one could.

Free without no pay, That I love you.

No matter how I say it, No matter how i express it.

It's only a little bit, That could make the difference.

Time is not fully realized, But it's short.

For us this time is nothing but size, Full of violence and court.

I can't nearly take it, Why we do this us to ourselves.

It's only a little bit, When were raked like shelves.

When we hate life, What is it worth.

Us fighting with the sharp knives, Is it worth the killing?

That is why, I can't explain.

I'm not too shy, But yet it's simple and plain.

I look at you, Into your eyes.

And I mean every word, I love you.

Every time I say it to you, It's far more greater.

The feeling of love in your soul, 79

I love you.

It's better to have the reality, Of loving one and other it seems.

Just say it and I'll say it back to you, I love you.

From The Heart Of Dreams.

80

In A Nutshell I think of you often Do you think of me?

So sweet, so kind, Do I even cross your mind?

I know your face in my mind, I know your voice in my ears, I think I know you, Even through these years.

Are you my friend?

Are you my love?

That couldn't be, You don't even see me.

I cry myself to sleep, Every night my mind wanders, If you're not the first thing, You're the second thing on mind.

My eyes see you, My heart aches, For a love I assume, Will someday bloom.

Who said friends could be lovers?

What were they thinking?

My love life, sinking or swimming?

It's sinking.

I am scared I am afraid My life right now Is one big show.

Episode after episode, Re- run after re- run Why do I love you?

Let me show you.

When you are around me So is the thought of her I wish deeply 81

You weren't with she.

I have respect for a couple What they share is beautiful But what about the little people?

Whom you don't even see?

When you are my friend I am yours Your company completes me Whenever you take the time.

To tell you the words The three "easy" ones I have to say, And hard in a way.

Will you be calm?

Will you hate me after?

Will you be my friend?

Or will everything end?

With love, there's lust, I lust for you, I love you.

As for your thoughts on me?

82

Long Drive Home Down the road is the way, With freedom in one hand.

And virtue in another bright day, The only time to take the stand.

When you hear the race, When you could feel the wind.

To the time of night you face, For time you could only bend.

Down the one lane, To hear the calling up ahead.

Into the center of the shame, You could feel you hopes dead.

As you watch the speed, Watching the time pass.

Love is what we all need, In time, we could make it last.

For that one last time, You could hear the whispers.

For it must be a endless climb, As you could only hope for peacekeepers.

There ahead over the hills, As the sun fades into the overcast.

Is this what time feels?

Dusted and dead, on the past.

You could feel the wind sing, The breeze of hope.

What love could only bring, As you hold to each other on a rope.

Into the peaceful scope, As many could seek.

The music of our soul into what I wrote, Then together we could reach the peak.

But no, I'm alone in the virtue.

With nothing to show, 83

But my heart is to continue.

I just stop at the light, And look right next.

Just the empty shadow reflected so bright, Controlled from ones text.

As i seek time with one but who, For the time I've written this poem.

You will understand it's for you, For it's a long drive home.

84

A Late Walk When I go up through the darken field, The headless aftermath, Smooth-laid like that which brought heavy dew, Half closes the garden path.

And when I come to the garden ground, The sound of silent birds Up from the tangle of the trees Is sadder than any words.

A tree beside the wall stands bare, But a leaf that lingered brown, Disturbed, I doubt it, by my thought, Comes softly rattling down.

I end, not yet far from me going forth By picking the faded blue Of the last remaining beauty flower To carry again to you I then look up And see, nothing.

Just me breathing, For soft as I hold the palm.

I could feel your hand As you grasp mine.

Yet nothing just the sound, The decline.

Your heart I could hear, Your soul I could feel.

Never so, I'll let go For much I've have to fear.

From time, to time again I've witness the prevent, The time for the begin Such time I've set.

For I'm the one to listen, Wisdom so true Must the time I could talk Is the time when I'm with you.

In a late walk.

85

In Neglect They leave us so to the way we took, As two in whom they were proved mistaken, That we sit sometimes in the wayside of a sad book, With mischievous, vagrant, misunderstood look, And try if we cannot feel forsaken.

Lost without the power to live and forget, Killed in the spirt with tons of the regret, Tumbled upon the bet, Filtered by the unsatisfied lie, Circled in which we drift, Away we let, Chosen to not be there, Then slowly our hearts decay and die, You’re not alone nor lost for I am here, Never left, Never will, In Neglect.

86

Solider Running for cover, Fearing the flashing lights.

There in anger, He stays up late at nights.

Hearing people cry, Looking for a way.

Here he will try, To sit and pray.

Putting his rifle aside, Looking everywhere.

Crying inside, He was still there.

Storming the beach, Crossing rivers.

Making the breach, The shot that delivers.

Risking his life, For one's freedom.

Sharping his knife, No one to hold him.

Cry's himself to sleep, Holding the pistol.

A pit so deep, Stopping the missal.

Tango down, Friendly fire.

Blood shown, Hearing the liar.

Constant bangs, Constant deaths.

A thin line hangs, To his final breathes.

Hoping God's there, With war that is unfair.

Gone without a care, 87

To a mean stare.

As he returns, To His friends and family.

Love that sure burns, That he hold envy.

Then as he watched, His family in uniform.

Die from launch, There his desert storm.

Then walks the street, Watching people fight.

Lost again in a heartbeat, Hearing the guns at night.

I I I I

will always stand tall, will never run. will help one's that fall, won't stop till I'm done.

I I I I

will will will will

always be here, hold you when you cry. love, Ever so dear, not stop till I die.

88

Stuck Stuck in a prison of care, Focused on the wire and bold.

As time passes the cure on despair, In the building of lives so sick and cold.

Near the recovery line, Watching other people die.

Hoping for that day to shine, Maybe the doctor doesn't have to lie.

From the agony sounds, Of others pain.

Stuck on high grounds, With health to gain.

Touched by others flowers and card, Listening to the result.

Which struck people hard, Without a consult.

Stuck watching the suffer, Watching other people fight.

With all emotions in cover, I watch the city at night.

From there I see, The innocence of the world too shrunk.

As gentle life could be, Until that last day were stuck

89

Hotel There in the cold night, I wonder into darkness.

Thus the streets glow so bright, But never the less.

I continue to walk, Pulling my hat down.

My soul white as chalk, The dead city, The pure town.

Drag across a puddle's way, I saw my face.

Disgusted by my own shame, So lost, So displaced.

There in the dark, You would only see me.

White wearing suit to embark, As strange as it could be.

I standing out from the valley, I stroll pass the park.

Then down the alley, I hear the dogs bark.

Looking up at the moon, I see her face.

Smiling so bright, So soon.

It was gone without a trace.

Slowly I sobbed, Touching the edge of my hand.

Felt so mobbed, Lost in a simple land.

There I hear the sirens yells, The lights of blue and red.

Close to the midnight bells, They were coming up ahead.

There I ran, Into the dark.

As fast as I can, 90

I was back at the park.

There I saw a red neon light, There color burned my soul.

The light on all night, As the heat lights the coal.

I got to the door, There I saw her.

Then I was down to the floor, As the smoke ooze, in the sure.

There I stare at the casing, As smoke comes out of it too.

There I see the red again and fasting, Why have this became true.

My suit once white is now red, There I see her beautiful smile and the gun.

Then one more to the head, I knew I was done.

My love killed me, As I suffer up in till.

The final days of what it could be, The day when I die in a hotel.

91

As I Walk The Night Street As I walk down the night street, Feeling the loneliness.

With my soul feeling the beat, As I wonder why the emptiness .

As I watch my shadow, It bares to keep up.

But it continues to follow, As I feel so dumped.

No, No, Why? Just the other night.

I thought I heard you cry, As hard I try.

Just yell out, And I'll come out running.

That’s not what it is about, As I'm falling.

As I walk towards the moon, Just to get to the light.

Why did I have to leave so soon?

As I walk the night.

As I look up and see, The stars so bright.

The memories it brings me, As love is the endless fight.

As I drift my inner beat, Walking to places.

Were we would meet, As I see the empty spaces.

As I'm lost, In a place so neat.

With my heart as a cost, As I walk the street.

As my love shatters, I continue to walk.

As I feel the patterns, 92

For one to talk.

As I felt dead, Wonder why?

I try not to pretend, As I cry.

There I stop and see, As the ski turns.

Wondering how could this be?

As my heart burns.

The stars start to fall, As I watch and glare.

Like if they heard me call, As I try to find what's fair.

God shapes the stars, He feels my pain.

To help my scars, As love he has gain.

There you appear in the ski, Your smile as bright as ever.

As I sit and try, But I could never.

The same image in my mind, Every day the internal beat.

You are one of a kind, As I walked the night street.

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In Despair Fighting just fighting, To keep on the hope, To breathe.

Depression strikes like lighting, With true feelings locked beneath.

Watching other people live, Feeling like a lost saint.

Truly I'm lost with lots to give, At points that I want to faint.

The same people come by, The ones with the same mention.

With the claim of a lie, As I try not to pay attention.

Then I hide, With ones who want me to stay.

As I run and never look behind, For your love is a small price to pay.

As close friends become distant, Trying to keep the flare going.

For I wait, I am patient, Love is all I'm showing.

Time is all I need, To show you, That I can't.

For much love for you I bleed, As we remain, we were at.

For I have not forgotten, The memories we created.

To teach on what is not rotten, As never humiliated.

As I could never forget the feel, Of my arms around you.

The feel of your slow heal, With much I have comfort, not cruel.

Inspired by your laugh, Cherished by your smile.

The common bond we have, 94

Your soft skin, Smooth as a tile.

Beloved by your care, As I truly felt.

As we were the perfect pair, Every time when I see you, I melt.

It's only been weeks, It felt like forever.

Time to blow the shrieks, As I have not forgotten about you, never.

No matter what I do here, No matter what I find.

Your always there, Stuck in the center of my mind.

All I'm asking is a chance, For love that is fair.

If succeed I'll dance, Until then I wait in despair.

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I’m Stuck What could I say, I wait for the crime.

Day by day, With much needed time.

Tell me what has gone on life, For me it feels like a mistake.

As I'm stabbed with a knife, Can no one help me for God’s sake.

I'm not loved, Nor cared, Some things in life, I don't want to see.

Bared thorough my witness, It's not fair, Lost again the feeling, The emotion I don't want to be This is not justice, no cure, It doesn't even matter, It doesn't seem right.

I'm done, Nothing is pure, All I see is the darkness, No light.

The hell with destiny, It's my life, So get out.

My heart is the key, But that is not what I'm about.

Being alone is no parade, I'm ready to jump off the balcony.

Nothing worse, I'm not afraid, It's not worth the life's harsh salary.

I'm so sick, Of the stupid treatment.

The feeling of being beaten with a stick, To the end of my final judgment.

I'm so sick of the lies, As millions of people misguided me.

I don't have to be the person who dies, I don't want to be.

I'm done of being everyone’s pet, The one to be taken advantage of.

As I struggle to get pass the net, 96

With no help from above.

Why God? Why have you forsaken me?

Why do the innocent die, and evil parish?

No one could tell me what to be, But afraid losing the one I hold most cherish.

As I feel like I've just walked right out of heaven, The feeling like what's the point of living.

As I wonder around town pass eleven, Still lost but I keep on giving.

I just feel so apart, Like the world is ready to ring a bell.

Rolling like a lost cart, Just saying to myself what the hell.

To someone to help me is what I pray, With no attention to my luck.

Just hoping for a better day, But until then I'm stuck.

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Caught In The Cross Fire Truth in the moonlight, As I feel the heartache.

With no answers to what's right, Is it wrong to steal then to take.

To accept your fate, With much greatness.

Is it too late, To die in loneliness.

With one simple desire, I am caught in the cross fire.

For the day has brighten, I still remember the time.

All the days you've enlighten, I feel you prime.

To sense, to care, For it cuts me like a knife.

As life seems unfair, That I'm not in a part of your life.

With one simple desire, I am caught in the cross fire.

With much despair, I have not giving up.

For we were the pair, Now I'm empty like a cup.

With the simple thoughts, That pour in and out.

As you put me into knots, Understanding what you were about.

With one simple desire, I am caught in the cross fire.

Without you knowing, I saw him around you.

Without me showing, That my soul died so cruel.

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As we both understand love, We both know it hurts.

But for us to rise above, As the tears fall down my shirts.

With one simple desire, I am caught in the cross fire.

Secretly I am jealous, Through the summers brim.

As time drifts from us, You still talk to him.

Keeping the communication, With the one who hurt you.

You don't call my station, I could never hurt you.

With one simple desire, I am caught in the cross fire.

As I fight to live, As I'm living to die.

What more can I give, I rather die than to lie.

"As" you are still in my mind, Every trip I've been without you.

My love for you isn't blind, Beautiful now and forever, I love you.

With one simple desire, I am caught in the cross fire.

No matter what.

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Summer Attire Control by the central of time On the road of many paths.

As the I continue to move By the hot days that pass.

With people living there lives And other people have no lives.

Some get stuck, Some fall apart I simply can't Look into the sun.

Blinded by the chance Then the road expands.

For I don't believe in destiny I believe in decisions.

As my choices have been made Must I have considered into my live I still look for the guides.

For one not to lead But for support, The one who will always be there The one who anybody could trust.

But then like everything else, passes Despair Accomplishment.

Love Tragedy.

The course of the perfect irony When you least expect it.

Best of friends drift away From the past To the present.

Then the future Is mainly what you want.

Hobbies Responsibilities.

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Jobs As much time passes I still try to look to the sun.

With much failed I end up staring at the moonlight.

Then walk the bright streets Thinking, just thinking why?

Only a couple events Could vast into your destiny.

And there's the problem It's not for me, Now the road is growing.

I have all the time The taste of my summer attire.

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I Miss You The bond I occurred over time, Really took me on the course.

To the center we clime, Which drew our inner force.

The time we drew apart, To the time we enjoyed.

As we pressured on the chart, To the projects we toyed.

It's been only a couple of days, And I already feel lost.

To your daily smile says, To your love has no cost.

Just time we spend, Being with you I mostly care.

As time is limited, we bend, For days with you, Just to share.

Everything about you I love, For you are, Who you are.

Like an angel sent from above, For you I'm not far.

I'm here, I'm near.

No hope to clear, As much despair I fear.

To loose you through time, Afraid for us.

Through this you were my prime, For you I must.

Traveled with no hope, Failed to be cheered.

As life has me by a grope, In my life...... Is still not cleared.

I have forgotten this feeling, When your with me.

For my heart is healing, 102

With less time to be.

Must I adventure, When you’re not by my side.

As I try to capture, Your heart trapped inside.

With the battle won, But the war continues on.

With the result on none, For you are the one.

You may not believe, For I understand.

You is all I need, By holding you hand.

No matter how hard I try, Your still not with me.

Then no warning I cry, Why does this have to be.

As time draws us apart, I just want a chance, For must.

I could never break your heart, With the only one you could trust.

I simply wish you are there, All I write is true.

As I wish you were here, I miss you

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End Of The Hall I watch you from the distance, Guarded as I wait.

Split between the love fence, From this I bare to stand straight.

As you come down the hall, A glimpse of your smile.

The bases of my painless fall, For the hall trends into a mile.

This we past, As you are accompanied by another.

Then my love cast, When you see me only as a brother.

From here I wait for your return, Thus you come, Then I hold your soul.

Pure and soft, At last I've learn, To hear you speak keeps burning my coal.

As you walk down the stairs so clear, When you return I see the heavens call.

When I hold you, I can never fear, As I watch you from the distance at the end of the hall.

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Controlled Emotion Thinking, just thinking about this year, I know it went fast.

The reality of a chosen fear, Not much into the future, but the past.

Listening to the music that drives me, Writing the words that formulate.

Thinking of the one I see, The one who helps me create.

The thoughts that dictate my mind, Past the chorus stream.

Looking in the sky to find, Knowing that it's not a dream.

As I sit locked up in my room, Staring at the floor.

Thoughts sweep like a broom, Outside blasted my door.

A yell for me to leave, Guiding me to nowhere.

As my tears wiped on my sleeve, I don't leave, I don't care.

Then I write, I tell about the day.

What I did last night, Wondering what to say.

Then comes the numerous beats, The silent sounds of my guitar.

Must the soothing sound meets, There it last, but not that far.

The memories start to flow, The images flash.

As I, for you put on a show, Then happy thoughts turn to ash.

As my heroes forsake me, I look for the passion.

Depression comes, and won't let me be, 105

Goodbye to discretion.

Then I found you, The bond between two.

Not wondering who, Happy without a clue.

Rejoiced by your smile, Loved by your tone.

Connected by the short pile, Your are not alone.

As you took me by a shove, Our hearts locked, like tin.

You don't step into love, You fall in.

As time progress on, I will not leave you.

There I look upon, Your smile, no matter what I do.

For the love of music, binds the vote, Thus you have my love potion.

As I write this note, You gave me the controlled emotion.

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Life’s Interesting Journey The feeling of determination, For one to succeed into life's great journey.

As time dims through the emotion, Knowing that I will succeed without a worry.

Circulated by lots of hope, Powered by loves true greatness.

Virtue by the thoughts of one scope, As she keeps me up I will never have any bitterness.

Tensed by the thoughts of many boast, As the road keeps on going.

My thoughts keep on the most, Thus my love for her keeps on showing.

Bothered by way life is, Done without a patrol.

Praying for the pass, so bliss, Life without control.

Unfair it seems, it's true, When the good get punished.

And the sky won't stay blue, Must the dark be vanquished.

Never done, never a single dime, Finding the right.

Is never the time, I'm not dark, but I pray for the night.

Only the sounds of the wind, The sights of you I quarry.

For me and you to blend, Into life's interesting journey.

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It’s Almost Gone The time to move on is near, As the people I grew attach the most.

My future is still not clear, For the shot of many down the host.

Much of the hope to catch, Bound into the last minute stress.

For us I come to match, Feeling gone, lonely, sad, and depressed.

As I struggle with time, Then again struggle to find the guide.

For being my last year so clear in lost prime, Looking for someone to help me find.

Scared into life's untruthful fond.

This is my last year here and It's Almost Gone.

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Future Connection One cure to any, Done with the endless stroll.

One day to change many, As time took its toll.

For the power to live, When one I could only see.

With the passion to give, For you it must be.

Must the time slow down, When there is nothing to do.

Not enough time to clown, It's time, The power is true.

Why must I get closed in, When there is no light.

For life has truly been, When the moon shines bright.

Unknown of the common bond, As I still feel attached.

Closer to you I further fond, Praying for a time to be cached.

Truly I thank the one in fame, For this I still wright.

As love truly came, As beautiful as the clear night.

When it was a simpler time, The time where fear once had.

With a bigger rope to climb, Much of temptation draws me mad.

Day by day, Time after time.

With not a lot of play, Just work was our prime.

My journey to the world is here, As one year could only separate.

Not enough time to fear, 109

Just time to create.

When the time we were together, From then to the goodbye.

There was nothing better, Then trying to help you fly.

From the travel, From seeing the big city lights.

As we worked to the gravel, As we would sing summer nights.

You helped by opening my eyes, From all the uncertain heat.

Then time still fly's, Then my heart turns without a beat.

To the times we were depressed, You said in the world you feel so small.

From this I understand never-less, As through music we could reach all.

I know through all the hurt, You stopped my pain, In your claim.

Past time, treated like dirt, I just hope you feel the same.

Your words are always true, From the time, it will disappear.

But not my love for you, Through you my place is clear.

I'll always be your support, Clear through the case.

For this I will truly report, I still could see your face.

As I walk, I hope your next to me, Let me hold your hand, Your protection.

The way true love needs to be, As I could see the future connection.

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Rumors With this word comes with a curse, When the truth holds in a shallow purse.

Damned into shame, As others file the claim.

Vowed into human nature, Which could kill my future.

Myself raised from mothers, As one tale hurts others.

People say things, Must the verbal reaction brings.

They say I've done wrong, Who has the right to stop on what's long.

Vast into sadness, Cast into madness.

For this I've hurt you, I don't even have any idea who?

The virtue of the casting call, As I will always grab you when you fall.

People don't even care, I can't hurt a fly, I'm just a teddy bear.

For whom I care the most, Center into the passion, lost in the coast.

When the school goes into patrol, Liars get out of control.

When I tell rumors to beat it, they put up a fight, But it doesn't matter who struck up right.

Don't listen to what other people say, As this comes, I may.

For my heart is locked and you have the key, I hope bitter of your judgment for me as me.

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I’ll Find A Way I Look At You And How Could This Be. You’re Not The Normal Few That You’re Not Here With Me. Just The Other Night I'd Talk To You There.

You Took Me Out The Dark And Into The Light.

Into Secrets We Share.

There In The Cage In Front Of The Stage.

I Would Tell You How I Feel To The Last I Cure.

To The Confused Love Reel There The Dissuasion Is For Sure.

There I Hope You Read This Letter And Hopefully Understand.

By Writing On How I Feel About You Is Better And Here I Hope You Give Me Your Hand.

I Hope You Respond, To What I Have May Into Your Heart, I'll Find A Way

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Thinking Of You New Year is here When you thought it was over, It just begun.

As I hold the fear To a friendship we shunned.

As we grew close Do you really care?

It was you I chose Yet I assume the pain I bare.

Texting for hours at a time For the purpose to connect .

To your heart is my prime As we write thorough the net.

To consider the struggle, That we had We were both struggled with hate.

During the past, during the bad We both asked for god’s sake.

When time goes on, I'm here, you know who.

The endless time goes on, I'm thinking of you.

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Forget My Past I remember the trouble, the heat when the person I used to be.

Out for the excitement that can't be beat all this had no meaning, it wasn't me.

I used to be the one who pulled the trigger the one who gave orders to others.

I was heading into something much bigger thus I did not see my brothers.

As young I was I was blind the violence, the pain.

The past I left behind and the love I have gain.

By this time I could have been last for my future and to forget my past.

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Who Is It Sonnet When my emotions fill I have to let it out.

As hard to feel, thus ready to kill my pain is what I'm talking about.

Though rough patches my heart aches in your daring smiles.

As my soul catches my thoughts for you, runs for miles.

Through your prier innocence I could feel your love and attention.

As I bend through your trust in your prier fence Then through your smarts and corporate invention.

Don't let your shy better the wit.

For I'm here, and you know who is it.

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The Fields That Burn Pain, Grief, Despair, From times of broken hopes.

As I walk As the Devil follows.

Endless people lurking in the shadows When the fair, dares into the night.

The coldness around able to see my breathe blow.

Then evil tends to be found ready to just give up.

Yet my soul heats bright will a little love left.

But not enough to go on there I will fall.

Looking up crying why!

As I cry...

Then the darkness surrounds me takes over bringing in.

The fears, the scared, and the anger, as I slowly stand up.

The only star in the sky falls and lands in front of me.

Gazing in my weakness giving the second chance to fight.

Holding the dark shield with my anger seeking in more fear.

Holding the Holy Sword with myself not holding back a tear.

The Sword of Michael The Shield of Gabriel.

Giving in the joy of memories, the hopes and dreams.

From my sorrow to my determination.

Escaping from all the bad letting out from inside of me.

Watching the inner demon the animal which haunt me so.

Fighting with my anti-self with the gifts of my Archangels.

As the epic battle between good and evil 116

delivers my passage into the light.

Defending myself with Gabriel's Shield fighting back with Michael's Shield.

With much sorrow it has caused in my life This was going to end.

There I thrust the sword into the demons heart listening to screams of my dark past.

Watching all the suffering souls leave in much knowing that there is always hope.

Looking at the beam of light the light which surfaces into the heavens.

Watching the demon suffer as the sword dissolves into the demon.

There the fire burns looking at all the madness.

The dark past the dark demons.

Millions of them as they burn I watch with endless hopes.

When slowly I was presented with Michael Swords once again.

Then the shield becomes a cross around my neck then the sword ropes around my hand.

There it says in graved on the sword "Love" And that is all I could do.

No matter what happens good or bad, there will be brighter days.

Holding the sword tightly looking up.

Watching the thunder strike and it begins to rain.

There I walk away from The Fields That Burn.

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The Sickness For many years I've shed so many tears.

For all those years and all those fears.

The violence, the hate which keeps us to separate.

From day to night the night soldiers walk.

Ready to fight not too bright to talk.

Holding the gun for the task place to place.

As they get ready to blast for blood is all they taste.

Then boom! One to the face.

When roses were red and violets were blue.

As this war will never end When people don't have a clue.

What they can see is what they want to see.

As protection is my obligation For the survival of many to spare.

For I fired the gun that started the nation As the dead gives them the final stare.

With the endless supply They don't die off, they just multiply.

From money to bullets from colors to bloodshed.

The body count lets people souls die instead.

Corruption in law enforcement corruption in city ordinance.

For I draw my own reinforcement to my last statement.

Not even race just random hate on colors.

For it is not the case into just hurting others.

Yet I'm not afraid 118

just concerned for my family and friends.

Because I know how this game is played and it's not over until it fully ends.

For I am a servant watching and spectating.

For I am a Patient slowly reacting.

Looking at myself in despair when people look and don't care.

Then I will walk the cold night for they will call me the black knight.

Looking at the past dates wishing on God's heavenly saints.

To watch over me and from letting me see.

The brightness of one's heart which keeps me away from hate.

Don't keep me apart as kept by my hopes of the golden gate.

For now I keep on going watching the streets.

Just trying to keep on showing the terror and the heats.

Looking for a clause breathing through my flaws.

Watching the fire burn in the selfish turn.

Brought down from purity to be brought on call of duty.

For the drill of a mindless kill.

Asking where He has been?

Then again for my internal sin.

I have to look back because my color is black.

As I cry for help and not to pretend for I pray for more then forgiveness.

It's already too late, it will never end The Sickness.

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The One Passing the ways Through all those lonely days.

I could remember In mid-September.

The cold feeling Looking up for the healing.

But why?

Every time when I'm fine?

Waiting at the end of the line.

Seeking Then again peaking.

At that one star Trying to get far.

Away from here To that one place with no fear.

For one I could hold dear But it's still not clear.

My fate Far from my state.

Locked in my mind Holding in.

What I had to find Then again?

Why? Why Me? Just lost For one cost.

Then again I fight For I, The master of the night.

Just watching the sky Watching the free birds fly.

Wishing that I could escape Where is the love?

Pulled together with duct tape Not waiting for a shove.

I've seen, heard, felt, the pain All the hate.

All the passion it has gain Then again fate.

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Has no choice, but hope Through my endless scope.

For my heart is not black Nor bright red.

Putting everything on my back Wishing instead.

The reason to keep on For me.

Is not for what I've soon to belong Yet I thought I could be.

I will do your task Don't hide under that mask.

Let me see your eyes Because they are bright like the sky's.

I will walk for many miles Just to see your endless smiles.

I don't understand why?

Then again I don't question it?

I can't help not feel down Then hide the frown.

Walking the streets Hearing my heart beats.

Letting me know it's still alive Like it has be revived.

As I glance into the empty space Deep in my mind.

Then through the dark I could find The light into your face.

I think deep Not knowing where to go?

And what to keep?

Then again fate is like a show.

There is an ending For my life is depending.

Then again understand my power It could bloom like a flower.

Then again it could die By drowning or rout in a loose tie.

Thus my passions My dreams.

Into the captions Past by all the crazy schemes.

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We all can't fight alone It just takes time.

Not by walking and kicking a stone But just looking at the climb.

With that one friend Who has understood.

Waiting with you at the very end As I keep wishing I could.

Keep my head up Dazing like the empty cup.

For what I have found It's just the curse of the human bound.

The past of the fond Just looking at the one's closest bond.

Sharing ideas, having the same dreams Then it seems.

I'm not there yet But I could make a bet.

That I don't have to look anymore I'm sure.

You’re the one...

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The Fire Place Sobbing, As my tears rain.

In the darkness silence, Done through sacrifice.

Indore my loving pain.

Sitting, just sitting, Shamed upon the pity.

Cursed by insanity, As it rains upon the city.

Why? Shall I go on?

In my dark room, With one light flowing.

Slowly I could feel the heat, Of the internal flame.

Which cursed my heart beat.

As I stare at the blaze, Looking above the ledge.

A picture of you and me, As I feel so sad.

How could this be?

Thus my passion, Drew me to you.

My art, my way, Captured by you.

Can't say it's true.

Couldn't bare the essence, Not feared by your presence.

There I get up from my chair, I look outside my window and stare.

As the raindrops fall from my windows, They fall from my face.

Elegance from your grace.

Texture from the glass, Frozen by time.

Seeing the memories flow, Us past the social class.

Seeking for the bigger show.

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Nothing draws us apart, As for a poet.

With a simple heart, I'm still standing, Watching the rain fall.

Looking into the sky, Force down by the lighting call.

Letting the time go by.

As the rain slowly hits my flame, No matter what.

It's always lit, Never low, ever tame.

This is not a simple game.

For one to grief, Not one to blame.

The pain will only be brief, With you, my flame is everlasting.

The fire place.

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Author’s Postscript Well it has been a long several months to the final release an official digital copy of this long awaited project. It was a very long process, and I’m glad that it’s finally done even though it’s still very amateur. Result of the Damages is just a product of my love for the craft of writing all these years that I’m still trying to master. I would like to start creating these volumes every year, maybe sooner? I’m still learning the self-publishing aspect of this type of independent writing.

That’s why I’m starting in chronological order of how these poems and stories were written in my life. I guess this general emotion of this volume was love and lost, which I dealt with a lot in my high school years. Some of the materials were dedications to people who have come through my life over the years. There were some modern stuff that I have written in the resent months, and I wanted to put them in because they just matched the scenario. This is not the end, but a simply a see you later.

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Biography Raymond Frank Garcia was born in Hanford, CA on August 26, 1992 and currently lives in Coalinga, CA. He gained the love for writing at the age of 8, and would write little stories to share with his parents and friends.

Garcia didn’t really advance in his work till he was in middle school, and gained the love for poetry in which he learned the craft. Garcia graduated from high school in 2010, and had been a dedicated staff writer and editor for their high school newspaper called “The Toadstool.”

Garcia had tons of publications by this time, and had a few hundred poems and stories written. He attended West Hills Community College where he continued freelance writing for online blogs and websites, and got into events marketing in San Luis Obispo. After family fallout in 2012, Garcia created a podcast and website called Power Talk Radio and has gained a huge global listener base within the two years. Garcia continued working with different freelance writing companies, and has gained the title of CEO of his online radio company.

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