Buzz Magazine: Jan. 6, 2011 by Buzz Magazine

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week of January 6, 2011

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VOL9 NO1

JANUARY 6-12, 2011

IN THIS ISSUE

Cheryl Louviere, LMT

Make your cakes festive with this marzipan recipe

Licensed Massage Therapist

DIG INTO A GOOD MYSTERY 6

217•367•9642 spa 217•390•1792 cell cheryl.louviere@gmail.com Massage Therapy Couples Massage Hot Stone Massage

buzz chats with local author and archaeologist

FILLING IN THE HOLES

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A TOAST TO JESUS

A TASTE OF HISTORY 3

COMMUNITY Check out our two new columns online this week! This Tuesday, we will premiere a weekly editorial piece featuring well-reasoned and passionately argued topics; Thursday’s column will feature videos of cats on the internet. Both will be hard-hitting journalism that goes straight for the breadbasket. ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT Need something fun to ﬁll the hours? Get Crafty! Check out this how-to for etching mirrors, up on Saturday.

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MOVIES & TV January is usually the worst month of the year for movie releases. To combat that, buzz will be putting together a preview of movies coming out in 2011 that actually look good, up on Saturday.

FOOD & DRINK

Looking to impress your parents while home over break? Check out “Five Ingredient Meals” for a quick recipe that will make you look like the ideal child. buzz

Coulter muses on the many Christ sightings of 2010

CALENDAR

Your guide to this week’s events

MUSIC Steal This Album! It’s practically a demand. Check out a review of System of a Down’s 2002 release, online Thursday.

... of what you know about your body

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SHAPABLE SWEETS

EDITOR’S NOTE BRAD THORP

I am never quite sure how to respond when someone says, “Hey, I had this awesome dream last night.” My hesitation is not really based on the fact that it is probably an odd story, full of tangents and strange characters coming in and out of it, but more on the idea that I am unsure of how they are looking at the dream. People think of dreams in so many different ways. I am never quite sure why they want to talk to me about it: if they think it is intrinsically important, or if they simply think what their unconscious mind came up with is interesting. I am really open to either of these opinions, I just never know what to expect, causing the hesitation. Dreams are very interesting to me, and have been for most of my life, though I’m not sure what to make of them just yet. I don’t necessarily think they are wish fulﬁllment, nor do I think they are just a random assortment of thoughts brought together in which I am trying to place some meaning. For me, my belief about dreams falls somewhere in between. Contrary to most dream books, I don’t think different items or situations in dreams represent anything other than what they are. I don’t think dreams are a deep, winding road of symbolism you need to scrutinize over. I think, most often, dreams are simple. It is kind of like tuning in to a good television show each night, not necessarily to pick up where you left off, but more so to watch another installment. I have always had a very vivid dream life. I tend to dream almost every night, and usually wake up remembering most of what happened. Of course, I’ll forget some of it throughout the day, but a lot of the time the dream will stay with me. Like I said, I am not sure what my opinion about dreams is, but I do know that they interest me, in more than a passing way. I was asked the other day how important dreams were to me and I came to have this thought: in my experience, I don’t think life would be as exciting if I didn’t have dreams. But this, of course, is completely biased. I have no idea what it is like to not dream. It may be a perfectly good existence. But, coming from a place where I have had vivid dreams, I would see it as a great loss to just not have them anymore. Not in an idealistic way, I just think sleeping without anything to think about would be boring, really!

Food

Drink

January 6-12, 2011

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30 Years and still going strong Courier Café has become a part of local history and culture by Sarah Alo The Courier Café in Urbana celebrated its 30th year in business on Nov. 10, 2010. Allen Strong founded the restaurant in 1980 and has since dedicated his life to building and maintaining the Courier as a part of Urbana’s community. After graduating high school, Strong worked in a northern Chicago neighborhood and started his first restaurant project. Strong teamed up with a man he worked with to open a small chain of popular ice cream parlors in Chicago called Dr. Jazz. Despite their success, Strong disliked the city. He had always been interested in geology, so he moved to Champaign-Urbana in order to return to school and further pursue his education. He planned to open a deli to pay for school. “It was a pipe dream,” Strong said. There were no places to rent at the time, but luckily he stumbled upon a man who was selling a restaurant on campus. Strong bought the place on contract and expanded it to form Bubby & Zadie’s Delicatessen. It was a success, and Strong’s dream began to take form. “It was a cultural meeting point for campus at the time,” he said. In 1977, however, his dream went up in flames when a fire partially destroyed the deli. The cost of reopening and rebuilding made it impossible for Strong to pay for school. “For a long time it bothered me,” he said about never getting his degree, “but I’ve probably achieved more now than I would have.”

How it’s made

In July 1980, he bought the Courier Building and began remodeling it. “There were 17 empty storefronts at that time in Urbana,” he said. He borrowed the money and signed the note for the property at 22.5 percent interest. “The biggest thing I’m proud of is how the Courier is interwoven into the community,” Strong said. Sitting at the old golden cash register during breakfast one morning at the Courier was Susan Fox, the general manager who has worked there for 29 years. Surrounded by the old wooden furniture, light beaming in through stained glass windows, she knew many of the customers by name.

As a couple walked in, she directed them to the south side of the dining room. “They like Koni as their waitress,” she said as an aside. “We worry about the regulars if they leave town or go on vacation. We count on seeing them,” she said. Fox reminisced about past customers. A barbershop quartet used to come in regularly. They sang every Christmas, but one time they came in just to sing to her the song “Ain’t She Sweet.” “They’ll always be dear to my heart,” she said. In addition to the community’s support, Strong listed three things a successful restaurant needs: “good food, good service and good ambiance.” “They have the ability to have a space to have good conversation and good food, with great wait staff that know our names,” said Marty Lampman, a Courier regular of 30 years. The Courier is classic American casual dining with an antique setting, including an old-fashioned gumball machine, a chandelier and a large wooden clock. Aside from its reputation of Photo by Claire Keating good food, the Courier Build-

ing itself holds a part of Urbana history. Before it became a local eatery, it was home to the Champaign County Herald. As a two-newspaper town, the Herald and the News-Gazette sparred with one another, said Strong. In the early 1960s, the Champaign County Herald began to face difficulties that it could not overcome. It closed its doors in March 1979. “We kept the name because the Courier name was important in the community,” Strong said. The Courier Café has worked its way into local history as well as the family’s history. His daughter, Amy Pellun, said some of her earliest memories take place in her father’s restaurants. She remembers sweeping the entrance at Silvercreek when they were preparing for its opening. In April 2010, she had her wedding there. “It’s pretty crazy — it’s been around my entire life. It’s been a part of my childhood and upbringing,” Pellun said. Sitting at the worn wooden table, a waitress brought Strong, bespectacled and grayhaired, a steaming cup of coffee. He sat stirring it, his phone at the ready next to him in case he got a call. “How’s it looking tonight?” she asked. “Busy,” he said. “Good food, good service — the usual.” “The usual,” she said as she walked back in the dining room to care for the customers.

Marzipan

by Emily Sawyers

arzipan is a sugary little addition to many treats and is well-known to anyone with a sweet tooth. It consists primarily of sugar and almond meal, and it has many different purposes during the holiday season. Marzipan is commonly added into different sweets. It is known for being crafted into little shapes, such as 3D fruit. It can also be rolled into very thin sheets that cover different types of cake. Using Marzipan on cakes is particularly common in English fruitcakes. The baker does this by putting a layer of icing between the cake and the marzipan in order for the marzipan to stick. It enables decorators to have creative designs while keeping a smooth, clean surface. One particular benefit of using marzipan is that it can be colored with food dye or even air brushed. This makes it easy for an artist to make 3D marzipan shapes incredibly realistic. Marzipan adds texture, color and flavor to cakes that would otherwise seem dull or unoriginal. Although marzipan is associated with cakes, it is also a very popular candy treat among children and adults. The candy can take the shape of a simple block of sweet almond paste, or it can form something more creative. For example, it may be covered in granulated sugar, flavored or even dipped in chocolate.

The history of this delicious and versatile delight depends on who you ask. Marzipan is believed to have originated in Persia and to have been introduced to Europe by the Turks. However, there is some dispute between Hungary and Italy over its actual origin. It became a great specialty in Germany, particularly in the city of Lubeck. Another common belief is that marzipan originated in Toledo, Spain. No matter where it originated, there is one thing historians can agree on — there is a clear Arabic influence. The Book of One Thousand and One Nights describes this almond paste being eaten both during Ramadan and as an aphrodisiac.

Marzipan is a tasty, versatile confection that can easily be made at home. Try out this recipe next time your sweet tooth starts talking! Since marzipan is relatively easy to make, it can be enjoyed anytime! So get your cooking mitts on and enjoy the holiday treat! Ingredients » 2 cups granulated sugar » 1/8 teaspoon cream of tartar » 4 cups ground almonds (or almond meal) » 2 egg whites » Powdered sugar for dusting

Marzipan ladybugs atop these cheerful cupcakes will help you forget the cold of winter.

Preparation 1. Prepare a workspace by sprinkling powdered sugar over a marble slab, wooden cutting board or large baking sheet. Fill your sink or a large bowl with cold water. 2. Place the sugar and 2/3 cup water in a large, heavy saucepan and heat, gently stirring until the sugar dissolves. 3. Add the cream of tartar and turn up the heat. Bring to a boil and cover, boiling, for 3 minutes. 4. Uncover and boil until the temperature reaches soft-ball stage, 240 F on a candy thermometer. 5. Place the bottom of the saucepan in the cold water you’ve prepared, stirring the sugar mixture constantly until it becomes thick and creamy. 6. Stir in the ground almonds and the egg whites, then place back over low heat and stir for 2 minutes more until the mixture is thick. 7. Spoon the marzipan onto your prepared work surface, and turn it with a metal spatula until it cools down enough to touch. 8. Coat your hands in powdered sugar and begin to knead the marzipan, working it until it is smooth and pliant. 9. Your marzipan can now be used immediately or stored by wrapping it in plastic wrap and keeping it in an airtight container. buzz

January 6-12, 2011

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Coming Out by Scott Cohen and Erin Dittmer

LGBT students share their experiences of coming out to family and friends

“Coming out” is a questionable institution. To declare oneself is an unavoidable aspect of life. When you dress yourself each morning, you declare your style. When you get to college, you declare your major. When you go out, you declare your friends. In our heteronormative society, however, anyone who does not identify as “straight” is forced with the decision: Do I declare myself queer? This expectation of declared sexuality is only applied to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. A straight boy doesn’t have to sit his parents down at 15 years old and say, “Mom, Dad, I think I want to kiss girls.” For him, his sexuality is correctly assumed. For queer kids, it’s not so simple. In a society saturated with compulsory heterosexuality, “coming out” has become an exclusively queer and obligatory convention. That our society asks some, but not all of its children to declare something as personal as sexuality is absurd. Coming Out is Social Capital Even with growing legal and social equality for the queer community, losing heterosexual privilege endures as a common fear that prevents many from coming out. The most thoughtful of us however, will see that one particular benefit of declaring yourself is freedom. Aside from shaking the cumbersome pressure of compulsory heterosexuality, you are free to explore a burgeoning community. It’s a community with an undying pride, respectable nuance within and a monstrous amount of love. Without its selfidentifying members, this group would cease to exist. Thankfully, every “out” person increases the community’s visibility, and thereby makes the LGBT cause a salient political issue. There is power in numbers, and this power has already repealed “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” created legislation that led to gay marriage in four states and passed a Civil Unions bill in Illinois. The more people who assert their position as queer citizens of this country, the greater influence they have as a constituency. Coming Out is Becoming Outdated By coming out, the myth that everyone is heterosexual evaporates. Dispelling such inaccuracies spreads understanding and acceptance so that a young girl can come home from school to her socially conscious mother who will ask, “Did you meet anyone special today?” No pressure and no assumptions. Every new addition to the community exposes this questionable institution of “coming out” as antiquated.

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Illustration by Adam Fabianski

Coming Out is a Debate Because visibility acts as the driving force that leads to full political and social equality, there remains a debate regarding what to do with those who remain closeted, yet still engage in queer behavior. The more aggressive provocateurs will quickly break down a closet door as a militant strategy to advance the LGBT cause. By their logic, it is one’s social and political responsibility to out those who refuse to out themselves. This attitude is particularly important when outing those in power, like ex-politicians Mark Foley and Larry Craig. The more cautious, on the other hand, argue that sexuality is deeply personal business and that outing someone may bring unintended physical, emotional and mental harm. No matter where you land on the issue, remember that outing yourself is the only path to true freedom and equality.

Although the idea of “coming out of the closet” reeks of inequity and oppression, it is a social reality that queer people looking to lead open and honest lives must face. Declaring one’s queerness can sometimes be scary. It can sometimes be hard, but for every bigoted, hateful person, there is an accepting and loving one. Today, the gay community is larger and stronger than it has ever been. There are so many resources available to support those declaring their queerness. With every person who comes out as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, the stereotypes that surround such labels are challenged and reconsidered. Perhaps one day we will live in a society that allows us to keep our private lives free from expectation, however, today if you’re not straight you must say so. Coming out takes courage, but the harder our generation works to build acceptance, the better it will be for the next. For more insight from Scott Cohen, visit his blog on the217.com/lgbt.

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2011: The year of the sandwich.

JANUARY 6-12, 2011

LIKE SPINNING A BALL ON YOUR FINGERTIPS The Harlem Globetrotters come to Assembly Hall by Nick Martin

he Harlem Globetrotters are celebrating their 85th anniversary this year. On Friday, January 8th, they’re bringing the celebration to Assembly Hall. Over the past 85 years, the Globetrotters have had a storied history. Ironically, the Globetrotters were not founded in Harlem. In fact, all the members of the original team grew up on the south side of Chicago and were aptly called “The Chicago Globetrotters”. In 1929, when Abe Saperstein became the team’s manager, he added Harlem to the team’s name because, at the time, Harlem, NY, was the defacto cultural hub for African American culture. Saperstein thought this name change would attract more ticket buyers. Initially, the Globetrotters were competitive athletes, not entertainers. The Globetrotters were one of the best all-African American teams in America during a time of racism and segregation. The NBA was segregated until 1950. It was a Globetrotter, Chuck Cooper, who became the first African American drafted by the NBA. After facing other great all-African American basketball teams (like the New York Rens), the Globetrotters came to be regarded as one of the best basketball teams in America — regardless of race. The Globetrotters would only showboat if they were certain to win the game. They were first and foremost athletes dedicated to winning.

However, once the NBA allowed African Americans the opportunity to play, The Globetrotters understandably had trouble attracting high-profile talent. While they continued to play competitive games, they also started playing exhibitions against the Washington Generals. The Generals lost more than 13,000 games to the Globetrotters, even though the Globetrotters would spin the ball on their fingertips or attempt ridiculous — yet, still cool — trick shots. One might suggest that the games are stacked in the Globetrotters’ favor; however, the official Globetrotters website maintains that, “The Harlem Globetrotters and Washington Generals both play to win, but the Globetrotters do mix in their signature style of show basketball that will entertain both the young and young at heart.” Beyond the realm of sports, the Globetrotters have left a lasting impact on American pop culture. Their infectiously catchy theme song, “Sweet Georgia Brown”, has been obnoxiously stuck in the heads of a countless number of people

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over the past 85 years (if you think about it, you won’t be able to stop thinking about it). The Globetrotters have been the subject of two Hollywood dramatizations (1951’s The Harlem Globetrotters and its 1954 sequel Go, Man, Go!), two Saturday morning cartoons (including a 1970 cartoon where the Globetrotters had no superpowers and a 1979 cartoon where they had many superpowers), and a children’s variety show. The Globetrotters have also guest starred on The New Scooby Doo Movies and a made-for-TV movie called The Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan’s Island. In a strange, post-modern turn that I do not fully comprehend, the Globetrotters have named some of the world’s most powerful people honorary members: some are (in ascending order of importance), Bill Cosby, Jesse Jackson, Nelson Mandela, Whoopi Goldberg, Pope John Paul II and Henry Kissinger. While it sounds like I am making this up, I am not. Regardless of their strange foray into crossing over the high/low cultural divide, the Globetrotters’ inﬂuence is undeniable. They helped present a positive image of African Americans during a time when racism and exclusion was the general consensus. They are a lasting entertainment institution, and they are coming to CU this Friday, Jan. 8. Tickets are $15-80, and the game starts at 7 p.m..

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Ballet at its best

January 6-12, 2011

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The Russian National Ballet lands at Krannert

by Jeff Nelson

Used with permission from the Russian National Ballet and KCPA

sian imports in the field of ballet. The likes of Igor Stravinsky, Anna Pavlova, Mikhail Baryshnikov, Rudolf Nureyev and choreographer George Balanchine have all enriched our appreciation of the art. There were controlled cultural exchanges during the Cold War, but the thaw brought a legion of opportunities to share ballet with the people and companies who fine-tuned it into a national pastime. The visits of Russian ballet companies to the stages of the world has been a never-ending enrichment of our appreciation of this unique art, and The Russian National Ballet Theatre is very much a product of the Cold War’s resolution. It was founded in the late 1980s in Moscow as the era of Perestroika swept over the performing arts. Newly-found creative freedom led to innovative ideas and new companies, even if this company

One on One

originally took the rather traditional name of the Soviet National Ballet. When it became known that new concepts of artistic freedom would be part of this company, dancers and choreographers from all over the Soviet Union showed up to be part of it. In 1994, Elena Radchenko, the principal dancer of Moscow’s Bolshoi Ballet, became its first permanent artistic director, a job she still holds today. With her at the helm, the company became The Russian National Ballet Theatre, and her stamp still identifies the unique qualities of this company. She has promoted a focus on the great Russian national tradition that Marius Petipa instilled into Russian ballet in the 19th century. His French influence fused with Russian traditions and music did more to create the unique style of Russian ballet than any other single person.

Ms. Radchenko’s influence has also taken the post-Perestroika artistic freedom into new areas, such as more innovative choreography and more use of 20th century composers. In fact, the two works her company will perform in January are two of the 20th century’s finest ballets. The names of the compositions are old, but their portrayal in the music of Prokofiev is anything but traditional. Sergei Prokofiev (1891-1953) wrote some of the 20th century’s best music and two of its greatest ballets, Romeo and Juliet and Cinderella. If your ears have not heard his take on these stories, you have been cheated. If you have not experienced a world-class ballet company perform these extraordinary works, you have truly missed some of the performing arts’ finer moments. You can have both experiences between Jan. 18-20 at our own Krannert Center, a great way to celebrate a new year and a new semester. For further information, visit www.krannertcenter. com or call the Krannert ticket office at 333-6280.

briefbox

It has been a well-established tradition at Urbana’s Krannert Center that the second semester offering of great evenings in the performing arts begins with a world-class ballet company. 2011 is no exception. Jan. 18-20 not only will give us evenings with the Russian National Ballet Theatre, but also two major works by 20th century master Sergei Prokofiev, Romeo and Juliet and Cinderella. Experiencing ballet by such masters is the way to appreciate this art at its highest level. Ballet in Russia has been a tradition back to the 1740s, when the Imperial School of Ballet was established in St. Petersburg. For years, Russian ballet was only for entertainment at the tsar’s court, but early in the 19th century ballet left the exclusive confines of the royal court and expanded into the public theaters where anyone with the price of any admission at any level could attend. Attend they did. Russians loved ballet, and for years these audiences prompted their own national composers such as Peter Tchaikovsky, Sergei Prokofiev and Rodion Shchedrin to write great ballets with a distinctly Russian national character. Even the exiled and once-despised Igor Stravinsky is now an icon of great ballet music in Russia. By the late 20th century, Russia’s love of ballet had magnified to such an extent that in 1978, the Russian State Ballet of Siberia was established. It is no coincidence, then, that great performers and choreographers associated with Russia have left their homeland to enrich other worlds. The United States has been the recipient of some colossal Rus-

Russian National Ballet Theatre Krannert Center for the Performing Arts address: 500 S. Goodwin Ave., U. TICKEt info: www.krannertcenter.com when: Romeo and Juliet; Tuesday, Jan. 18 to

Wednesday, Jan. 19 at 7 p.m.; Cinderalla; Thursday, Jan. 20 at 7 p.m.

with Sarah Wissemen Mystery Writer and Archeologist

by Ellen Guirl

ooking for a mystery that will keep you entertained even in the dull months of winter? Fortunately, buzz has some ideas. An archaeologist and mystery writer at the University, Sarah Wissemen has written several books. Though her most recent books, The Fall of Augustus and The House of the Sphinx, were released in 2009, Wissemen is already hard at work on her next mystery. buzz talked to the author and academic about getting started, getting inspired and getting involved. » buzz: What made you decide to write mystery stories? How did you get started? Sarah Wissemen: My parents loved mysteries. In fact, they fought over a mystery novel on their honeymoon. I grew up in a house in Massachusetts full of old Penguin mysteries. Lots of Dorothy Sayers, Margery Allingham, Josephine Tey, Rex Stout, Agatha Christie. I vividly remember Dad reading aloud The Hound of the Baskervilles by Sherlock Holmes and Edgar Allen Poe’s “Telltale Heart” and the “Murders in the Rue Morgue.” What got me started was working in the former World Heritage Museum on the top floor of Lincoln Hall. It was a creepy old attic with no climate control, a creaky elevator and broken windows that

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allowed pigeons to fly in and out and leave deposits on our suits of armor and Greek statues. I coordinated analyses on an Egyptian mummy owned by the museum, and it was while I was writing up the non-fiction account of that project that I got the idea for my first novel, Bound for Eternity. » buzz: Where do you get your inspiration from? SW: Thirty-five years of working in academia and in museums. I’ve met lots of interesting characters who are passionate about museums and mummies and ceramics. We have all the usual hang-ups about how to teach, how best to take care of artifacts and career advancement, so there is plenty of potential for murderous feelings. Throw in the problems of illegal antiquities and art forgeries, and you have the makings of a good mystery! » buzz: For those who have not read any of your books, what can you say about your works? What are they about? SW: My first four novels all feature Lisa Donahue, a young archaeologist and museum curator who has a very similar background to my own. The first and third are set in a fictional Boston museum, but the second and fourth are set in the Middle

East, where I started my career. I studied and excavated in Israel during my junior year in college, an experience that changed my life and hooked me on archaeology. » buzz: Do you have any advice to give to students in your field of study? Or for writers out there? SW: For students in archaeology, my best advice would be get out there and dig on an excavation in the U.S. or abroad, and find out if you are a fieldwork person. The Archaeological Institute of America has a wonderful listing of fieldwork opportunities every year. And/or volunteer or work in a museum in some capacity because that’s often where archaeologists end up working if they don’t teach for a living. For writers, there are wonderful online groups in each genre that connect you with other writers. In mysteries, there are Mystery Writers of America and Sisters in Crime. Also, go to conferences — the networking alone is worth the price of registration, and, as well as other writers, you often meet agents, publishers and editors who may be interested in your work. » buzz: Other than your own books, what else do you like to read? Who is your favorite author?

SW: I like many authors, particularly classic British mysteries by authors such as the ones [from childhood] and modern writers such as Barbara D’Amato, Sheila Connelly and Sharon Newman. I also enjoy non-fiction books and articles on historical subjects and archaeological science — especially mummies! I like to reread old favorites, too, such as books by C.S. Lewis, Nevil Shute, Mary Stewart, and Ellis Peters. Favorite authors? Julia Spencer-Fleming and Nancy Picard.

the217.com January 6-12, 2011

2011: The year of goodnight kisses.

Top five TV shows of 2010 by Matt Carey

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Community:

Community wasn’t out-of-the-gate brilliant like Arrested Development, but it has developed into the best comedy on television. Joel McHale stars as Jeff Winger, an apathetic loner who was stripped of his law license after his superiors learned that he had no college degree. To remedy the situation, he goes to Greendale Community College. Begrudgingly, he becomes friends with a quirky study group that includes people of all ages and creeds. The plot sounds taut, but Community is producing some of the most original episodes around. The show has managed to include epic paintball matches, zombie outbreaks and an entire episode in claymation without becoming a soulless gimmick. Halfway through season two, it is not an insurmountable task to catch up, and you should do so.

Boardwalk Empire:

Used with permision from NBC

When it comes to phenomenal pedigrees, you do not get much better than Boardwalk Empire. The creator wrote over 20 episodes of The Sopranos, Martin Scorsese is the executive producer and the cast is incredible. Seriously, the cast is outrageous. Steve Buscemi, Kelly Macdonald and Michael K. Williams (also known as Omar from the greatest show ever, The Wire) round out an incredible ensemble that lift the show to another level. Buscemi is Nucky Thompson, a corrupt politician in Atlantic City during the Prohibition era. With the feds on his tail because of bootlegging charges, Nucky has to be discreet in a job that is increasingly public. Boardwalk Empire started off slow, but it got better and better as it went on.

30 Rock:

Midway through season five, 30 Rock is still on a roll. Uncompromisingly quick-witted and relying on humor instead of plot, 30 Rock is surprisingly re-watchable after the first run-through. As you probably know, Tina Fey is the lead character, Liz Lemon, a comedy writer for a Saturday Night Live-esque sketch show. When she is not dealing with her borderline psychotic stars, she is hanging out with her boss, Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin). With so many jokes flung at the viewer, there are guaranteed to be some whiffs, but the good far outweighs the bad. Used with permision from NBC

Breaking Bad:

Who would’ve thought that the dad from Malcolm in the Middle was such a good actor? Breaking Bad hinges on Bryan Cranston, and he delivers every single episode. Of course, the writing on the show is brilliant. With the subject matter (high school science teacher starts making crystal meth so his family has money after he succumbs to cancer), the show can be dark and depressing; however, it is simply too entertaining to avoid. As someone who just got into the show this winter, I can tell you that once you start, it’s extremely hard to turn off.

Friday Night Lights:

Used with permision from NBC and DirectTV

I think I’ve written about Friday Night Lights more than I have about any novel. Why? It’s one of the most underrated shows that no one watches but is accessible and enjoyable. The plot, which some accuse of getting too much like a soap opera in the vein of The OC or Beverly Hills 90210, follows football coach Eric Taylor and his family. You can tell that a series is great when the writers can pull off a drastic shift that changes the entire focus of the show (much like what Mad Men was able to accomplish this year), and Friday Night Lights did so with ease. The show is almost over (as of print there are six episodes left), but the entire series is on Netflix instant play. What are you waiting for?

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METROPOLITAN OPERA: PUCCINI’S LA FANCIULLA DEL WEST LIVE SAT. 1/8/11 12:00 PM LA PHIL LIVE: DUDAMEL CONDUCTS BEETHOVEN SUN. 1/9/11 4:00 PM

HOOD TO COAST TUESDAY 1/11/11 7:00 PM

S COUNTRY STRONG (PG-13) 11:05, 1:35, 4:05, 6:40, 9:15 FRI/SAT LS 11:55 S SEASON OF THE WITCH (PG-13) 12:40, 2:55, 5:15, 7:35, 9:50 FRI/SAT LS 12:05 GULLIVER’S TRAVELS (PG) LIGHTS UP SOUND DOWN: SAT. 9:15 AM 12:25, 2:35, 4:40, 6:45, 8:50 FRI/SAT LS 11:05 S LITTLE FOCKERS (PG-13) 12:30, 2:40, 4:50, 7:00, 9:10 FRI/SAT LS 11:20 TRUE GRIT (PG-13) OPEN CAPTION: SAT. 9:00 AM 11:55, 2:25, 4:55, 7:25, 9:55 S 11:00, 1:30, 4:00, 6:30, 9:00 FRI/SAT LS 11:30 S BLACK SWAN (R) 11:40, 2:05, 4:35, 6:55, 9:20 FRI/SAT LS 11:45 3D TRON: LEGACY (PG) $2.50 PREMIUM PER 3D TICKET 11:00, 1:45, 4:30, 7:15, 10:00 TRON: LEGACY (PG) 12:50, 3:35, 6:20, 9:05 FRI/SAT LS 11:50 3D YOGI BEAR (PG) $2.50 PREMIUM PER 3D TICKET 12:20, 2:20, 4:20, 6:20, 8:20 FRI/SAT LS 11:00 YOGI BEAR (PG) 11:20, 1:20, 3:20, 5:20, 7:20 THE FIGHTER (R) 11:05, 1:40, 4:15, 6:50, 9:25 FRI/SAT LS 12:00 HOW DO YOU KNOW (PG-13) FRI, MON, WED-TH 11:10, 1:55, 4:30, 7:10, 9:50 SAT 4:30, 7:10, 9:50 SUN 11:10, 7:10, 9:50 TUE 11:10, 1:55, 9:50

S 3D THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER (PG) $2.50 PREMIUM PER 3D TICKET

11:15, 1:50, 4:25, 7:05, 9:40 THE TOURIST (PG-13) 11:45, 2:15, 4:45, 7:15, 9:45 TANGLED (PG) 11:25, 1:45, 4:10, 6:25, 8:45 FRI/SAT LS 11:10

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 1 (PG-13) 9:30

A Classic Movie Experience

Serving beer, wine, and mixed drinks.

Week of Friday, Jan 7 - Thursday Jan 13 S

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (R) Digital Presentation, Subtitled Fri: (6:00 PM) Sat: 7:30 PM Mon: 7:30 PM Wed: 9:00 PM

The Girl Who Played With Fire (R) Digital Presentation, Subtitled Fri: 9:00 PM Sun: (4:30 PM) Tue: 7:30 PM Thu: (7:00 PM)

The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest (R) Subtitled Sat: (4:30 PM) Sun: 7:30 PM Wed: (6:00 PM) Thu: 9:30 PM

Love’s Labour’s Lost From Shakespeare’s Globe (NR) Digital Presentation Sat & Sun: 12:00 PM 126 W. Church St Champaign

Take the CUMTD Bus www.theCUart.com buzz

MUSIC

January 6-12, 2011

In One YearYear andand OutOut the the Other In One Other

the217.com

by Dylan Sutcliff

buzz previews the music of 2011

0 10 was a weird year for music. At the beginning it was hopeful, with albums from Arcade Fire, Gorillaz, MGMT, Spoon, LCD Soundsystem, Joanna Newsom and more. It seemed like 2010 was going to be the year of the big hitters; however, it somehow didn’t work out like that. Every album was, in a way, a grower and seemed to take time to appreciate. Looking back, it wouldn’t be a stretch of the imagination to say that the musicians of 2010 really stepped it up in their releases, asking their listeners to look deeper with albums that weren’t so expected. This first happened in April with the release of MGMT’s Congratulations and the ensuing controversy over the lack of dance singles. Later in the year Sufjan Stevens shocked everyone with his electoinfused Age of Adz and left everyone either in awe or unable to listen. The most ambitious of the year was probably Joanna Newsom’s Have One On Me, a two-hour, three-disc epic that many couldn’t sit through. Even though every release seemed kind of out left field, 2010 turned out to be a great year in music. And with every publication putting out year-end lists, everyone seems to be turning a hopeful eye toward 2011 to see what the future of music holds, and the future looks good. The upcoming year looks like it’s going to be seeing a return of the big hitters with releases from Fleet Foxes, Iron and Wine, Panda Bear, The Shins, The Strokes, Beck, Fiona Apple, Bon Iver, Gorillaz, My Morning Jacket and Bright Eyes. While these are all tentative

announcements, if even half of these artists release a quality album the year is already full of things to listen to. But these aren’t even the biggest names floating around — somewhere around the rumor mill Radiohead has been talked up to have a new release. This may be just something from the grapevine, but remember that no one knew about In Rainbows until 10 days before the album was dropped online, so it’s definitely possible. Not only that, but Lil’ Wayne’s Tha Carter 4 is supposed to see a release in 2011 and after his first single “6’7’,” it seems like Weezy is back to his old, brilliant ways. The last anticipated big name album that is being talked up right now is definitely a collaboration between Kanye West and Jay-Z called Watch The Throne. After this year’s My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, I don’t think anyone can argue the excitement around that album. With the new year there is also one man that could change the tides of music on his own, Jack White. As of right now there are no leading suspicions that White will release anything next year, but in early 2010 White brought up the possibility of a solo record, then rumors of a White Stripes reunion record, then even more rumors came out about a third Raconteurs release. Basically, either Jack White is going to do everything, or nothing; and with his history in mind, it is most likely the former. If for whatever reason none of these albums prove to be good next year, there is still the prom-

ise of many smaller, but equally talented names coming out. 2011 is going to see releases from the likes of Aphex Twin, Destroyer, The Go! Team, The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, Islands, The Kills, Santigold, The Avalanches, Jens Lekman and Neon Indian. Be sure to keep an eye on any and all of these bands as any one of them could be the next break out of 2011. Personally, I’m most excited to see what Damon Albarn will release in 2011. The former Blur member and current head of Gorillaz is set to be involved with a total of four projects in the coming year. These being the physical release of the new Gorillaz album The Fall, a record with Flea (of Red Hot Chili Peppers fame) and Tony Allen (Fela Kuti), another The Good, The Bad and The Queen album and a project on Elizabethan occult philosophy. The guy is going to be very busy next year. So with 2011 now among us, there seems to be a lot to look forward to. And even with all of these albums coming from the heavy hitters, we can still expect more than enough from the new artists. Who knows who will be the next Janelle Monae, Surfer Blood or Best Coast?

QUICK PICK ALBUM review ARTIST:

Gorillaz

Album:

The Fall

What do you get when you mix Damon Albarn, a fall tour of the United States and an array of iPad applications? Well, the newest Gorillaz album of course. On the most recent Gorillaz tour of the States, Albarn decided to create the first album in history made from an iPad. The album, appropriately entitled The Fall (as in the season), is above other things a picture of America. With song titles such as “Detroit,” “Shytown,” “The Snakes in Dallas” and “Seattle Yodel,” it is evident that Albarn has either become incredibly uncreative or deeply influenced by the places he visited. It is not unknown that the U.S. has long been a source of inspiration for Albarn; Blur’s second album, Modern Life is Rubbish, was fueled by an American tour gone wrong. Musically, this album is on par with recent single “Doncamatic.” Yet, it is an unconventional, radio-unfriendly album with more instrumental and filler tracks than dance tracks. It resembles Albarn’s Democrazy more than Plastic Beach. The Fall is filled with an assortment of sounds, staying true to Gorillaz’s unique blend of hip-hop, funk, soul, reggae and electronica. Highlights include a stellar bluesy track from Bobby Womack conveniently titled “Bobby in Phoenix,” “Revolving Doors” and “Amarillo.” — Adam Thies

buzz

ARTIST:

Ke$ha

Album:

Cannibal (EP)

Okay, I know Ke$ha’s Cannibal isn’t a full-length album, but it is review-worthy. The song “Cannibal” is a big way to start off an EP. At first, I thought it was a stereotypical party song; however, she changes the mood from sassy to trashy with one single word. Hint: rhymes with famous ... kind of. Also, “I am cannibal” is not a grammatically correct sentence. The English major in me wants to say that the poor grammar actually emphasizes her message that she is a cannibal; however, since it’s Ke$ha, I’m not too sure. Most of the songs are examples of what Ke$ha does best: they’re fun, and they send a bold message in the unapologetic way that only Ke$ha does. Ke$ha calls upon her rapper side in the song “Sleazy.” I thought that it was Nicki Minaj rapping on the track before seeing that it was actually Ke$ha herself with the sick flow. Ke$ha shows us multiple sides on Cannibal. She shows us a vulnerable side in “The Harold Song,” a fun-loving side in “We R Who We R,” “Blow” and “Crazy Beautiful Life,” while “Grow a Pear” and “Cannibal” remind me of the Derelicte fashion line in Zoolander. If you’re looking for a good time or if you’re just feeling reckless, Cannibal is the EP for you. — Jeremy Linn

CALENDAR

JANUARY 6-12, 2011

Complete listing available at

THE217.COM/CALENDAR

SUBMIT YOUR EVENT TO THE CALENDAR: Online: forms available at the217.com/calendar • E-mail: send your notice to calendar@the217.com • Fax: 337-8328, addressed to the217 calendar Snail mail: send printed materials via U.S. Mail to: the217 calendar, Illini Media, 512 E. Green St., Champaign, IL 61820 • Call: 531-1456 if you have a question or to leave a message about your event.

THURSDAY 6

ARTfusion Douglass Branch Library, C, 4pm

classes & workshops Restorative Circles Presentation and Practice Group Champaign Public Library, C, 6:30pm

Urbana Otaku Manga Club Urbana Free Library, U, 4pm Open to grade 6 and up Yoga for Teens BKS Iyengar Yoga Institute of C-U, U, 4:30pm, $6 For ages 12-17

literary Free Ebooks for Your New Gadget Champaign Public Library, C, 10am

recreation

Public Skate Ice Arena, C, 1:30pm, live music $1-$3 Billy Galt and Jeff Kerr seniors Freestyle AnSun, C, 7pm Continuing Asana for Ice Arena, C, 4:20pm, $3 TwoYou Duo support groups kids & families Seniors Dedicated ice time for The Clark Bar, C, 7pm KidProv Delta level skaters and First Thursdays with The BKS Iyengar Yoga Institute GROW in Illinois: Mental Health Support Group Class Act, C, 10:30am, $90 above of C-U, U, 8:30am, $14 Diva and the Dude Program (8 week session) Prerequisite: Asana for Emerald City Lounge, C, game-playing Provena Covenant Medical SATURDAY 8 8-10 year olds Seniors 8pm Big Dave’s Trivia Night Center, U, 6pm Improv community live music For more info, call 352Class Act, C, 12:15pm, $90 Cowboy Monkey, C, dj Surreal Deal 7pm (8 week session) Milk and Cookies at Klub IMC Shows Group Meet- 6989 ing: Community Booking Memphis on Main, C, Trivia Night 11-13 year olds Kam’s FRIDAY 7 Collective 8pm The Blind Pig Brewery, C, Imagination Station Kam’s, C, 8pm Urbana-Champaign IndepenAchtung, Baby! 7pm Class Act, C, 9:30pm, $66 Old-School Hip Hop live music dent Media Center, U, 7pm Canopy Club, U, 9pm (6 week session) Night social issues Heel Dragger Crazy Johnny 3-5 year olds Po’ Boys, U, 8pm mind/body/spirit AWARE Meeting Memphis on Main, C, Rosebowl Tavern, Ltd., U, Here Come the Regulars mind/body/spirit McKinley Presbyterian 8pm, $3 9pm Red Star Liquors, U, 9pm Open Yoga Practice 8-week Winter Session: Church and Foundation, C, AD/HD Stitches at The Clark Bar Amara Yoga & Arts, U, dj Get Fit and Flexible 5:30am, $8 5:15pm Fat City Bar & Grill, C, The Clark Bar, C, 10pm DJ Mella D BKS Iyengar Yoga Institute Core Yoga 9pm DJ Luniks mind/body/spirit Red Star Liquors, U, 9pm of C-U, U, 11:30am, $14 Amara Yoga & Arts, U, Firehaus, C, 10pm, $5 dj Hatha Flow Yoga with 12pm, $12 Open Deck Night dance music faith In the Mix Maggie Taylor Hot Yoga Radio Maria, C, 10pm Urbana Country Dancers Chester Street, C, 9pm, Torah Study Amara Yoga & Arts, U, Evolve Fitness Club, C, Contra Dance Sinai Temple, C, 9am $3 4pm, $12 12pm, $10 karaoke Phillips Recreation Center, DJ Luniks Prenatal Yoga Yoga for Wellness DJ Bange classes & workshops U, 8pm, $10-$15 Highdive, C, 10pm Amara Yoga & Arts, U, BKS Iyengar Yoga Institute Rosebowl Tavern, Ltd., U, Indian Dance Workshop New dancer orientation at 5:30pm, $12 of C-U, U, 2:30pm, $14 8:30pm dance music Champaign Public Library, 7:30pm Continuing Asana/IntroLiquid Courage Karaoke miscellaneous Urbana Country DancC, 2pm duction to Pranayama Memphis on Main, C, karaoke FriendShop Used Book ers Contra Dance and BKS Iyengar Yoga Institute 9pm food & drink Karaoke at Po’ Boys Store Open Workshops of C-U, U, 5:15pm, $14 Champaign Public Library, Phillips Recreation Center, Whole Grain Sampling Prerequisite: Introduction Po’ Boys, U, 9pm sporting event Common Ground Food Co- C, 1:30pm U, 10am, $15-$25 to Asana Illini Mens Basketball stage New dancer orientation at op, U, 11am Ashtanga Yoga Game classes & workshops Harlem Globetrotters 7:30pm Amara Yoga & Arts, U, Assembly Hall, C, 6pm, Salsa Dance Lessons: 2011 World Tour Salsa Night with DJ Dr. J SUNDAY 9 5:30pm, $12 $44-$11 Beginners Assembly Hall, C, 7pm, Radio Maria, C, Experienced Beginner live music Capoeira Academy, C, 10pm BKS Iyengar Yoga Institute $15-$80 art opening Live Irish Music with 6pm, $5 of C-U, U, 5:45pm, $14 The Marks of the Ego karaoke Emerald Rum Salsa Dance Lessons: Prerequisite: Introduction recreation Artist Reception Lunch Time Skate Karaoke with DJ HolThe Blind Pig Co., C, Intermediate/Advanced to Asana Indi Go Artist Co-op, C, Ice Arena, C, 11:15am, lywood 5:30pm Capoeira Academy, C, Yin Yoga 6pm Free-$7 It’ll Do 2, C, 9pm 7:30pm, $5 Amara Yoga & Arts, U, dance music 7pm, $12 recreation kids & families stage food & drink Showtune Sunday Lunch Time Skate faith Music and Motion Love’s Labour’s Lost Sunday Brunch with a Emerald City Lounge, C, Ice Arena, C, 11:15am, Moms and Grandmas Class Act, C, 9:30am, $48 The Art Theater, C, 12pm, Diva 4pm Free-$7 Group (6 week class) $13.50-$15 Emerald City Lounge, C, stage University Baptist Church, ArtsFusion Level I Comedy Show by C-U 10:00am, $9 kids & families Love’s Labour’s Lost C, 12pm Class Act, C, 10am, $72 (6 Comedy Reservations are encourPreschool Story Time The Art Theater, C, 12pm, aged, call 398-8661 Undergrad Bible Study week class) Memphis on Main, C, Rantoul Public Library, $13.50-$15 University Baptist Church, Tales for Twos 6pm Rantoul, 10am MONDAY 10 Open Stage at Red HerC, 8:30pm Douglass Branch Library, C, Baby Time game-playing ring 10:30am Douglass Branch Library, C, miscellaneous live music Second Saturday Game Red Herring Coffeehouse, Fairytale Fridays 10:30am Yarn ‘n Yak One Dollar Wild MonDay U, 7:30pm Class Act, C, 3:45pm, $140 Thursdays at the Library Rantoul Public Library, days Urbana Free Library, U, Drag Show (6 week session) Champaign Public Library, Rantoul, 7pm Canopy Club, U, 9pm 2pm Chester Street, C, 10pm, $4 5-8 year olds C, 3pm

Get Fit and Flexible at the Yoga Institute BKS Iyengar Yoga Institute of C-U, U, 6pm, $14 Yoga stage St. Andrew’s Lutheran Abe Froman Project Church and Campus CenMike ‘n Molly’s, C, ter, C, 7pm 9pm Restorative Yoga Amara Yoga & Arts, U, lectures 7pm, $12 Exercising With Your Pet Prana Flow Yoga Veterinary Teaching Hospi- Living Yoga Center, U, tal - Small Animal Clinic, U, 7:15pm, $15 6:30pm, $13 For more information and classes & workshops to register, call 333-2907 Poetry Workshop or email to ope@vetmed. Red Herring Coffeehouse, U, 7:30pm illinois.edu ‘80s Night with DJ Mingram Highdive, C, 10pm

recreation

TUESDAY 11

Lunch Time Skate Ice Arena, C, 11:15am, Free-$7

live music

game-playing Puzzle Exchange Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 5pm Madden Night Football It’ll Do 2, C, 6pm Duplicate Bridge Game Ginger Creek Shops, C, 7pm Bingo Night Memphis on Main, C, 8pm

kids & families O Baby! Champaign Public Library, C, 9:45am The Karaoke Kid Douglass Branch Library, C, 4pm

School of Seven Bells Canopy Club, U, 6:30pm, $14 Andy Moreillon Fat City Bar & Grill, C, 7pm Tuesday Night Troubadours Rosebowl Tavern, Ltd., U, 9pm The Piano Man Canopy Club, U, 9pm

dance music 8th Grade Dance Joe’s Brewery, C, 11pm

karaoke Dragon Karaoke The Clark Bar, C, 9pm Liquid Courage Karaoke Boltini Lounge, C, 9:30pm

mind/body/spirit

open mic

Continuing Asana/Introduction to Pranayama BKS Iyengar Yoga Institute of C-U, U, 3:45pm, $14 Prerequisite: Introduction to Asana Yoga Fundamentals Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 12pm, $12 Hatha Flow Yoga with Grace Giorgio Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 4pm, $12 Hatha Yoga Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 5:30pm, $12

Open Mic Tuesdays Cowboy Monkey, C, 10pm

recreation Lunch Time Skate Ice Arena, C, 11:15 am, Free-$7

game-playing Puzzle Exchange Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 2pm Role-playing Games Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 6:30pm For high school and up

buzz

January 6-12, 2011

the217.com

T-N-T Tuesday Night Trivia with Cara and Tanino Boltini Lounge, C, 7pm

literary Table Talk Book Club Douglass Branch Library, C, 6:30pm

kids & families Imagination Station Class Act, C, 3pm, $66 (6 week session) 3-5 year olds Tuesday Twos Champaign Public Library, C, 9:45am, 10:15am, 10:45am Walk-in Storytime and Creative Play Class Act, C, 2pm, $2 (per family) American Boys and Girls Craft Club Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 4pm Story Drama Class Act, C, 4pm, $66 (6 week session) 5-8 year olds Wave Club Readers Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 4pm Goodnight Storyshop Champaign Public Library, C, 6:30pm Ages 2 to 5

seniors Continuing Asana for Seniors BKS Iyengar Yoga Institute of C-U, U, 8:30am, $14 Prerequisite: Asana for Seniors Asana for Seniors BKS Iyengar Yoga Institute of C-U, U, 10:30am, $14

Hot Yoga Evolve Fitness Club, C, 12pm, $10 Ashtanga Yoga Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 7pm, $12 Experienced Beginner BKS Iyengar Yoga Institute of C-U, U, 7:30pm, $14 Prerequisite: Introduction to Asana Hatha Flow Yoga with Maggie Taylor Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 12pm, $12 Awakening Yoga Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 9am, $12 Advanced Asana/ Pranayama BKS Iyengar Yoga Institute of C-U, U, 5:15pm, $14 Prerequisite: Continuing Asana Slow Flow Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 5:30pm, $12 Introduction to Meditation Ananda Liina Yoga & Meditation Center, U, 7:30pm

faith Grad Students and Professionals Weekly Fellowship Lunch University Baptist Church, C, 11:30am Email ashleeford@gmail. com for weekly location

miscellaneous Knit Happens: Workshop and Community Knitting Circle Espresso Royale, U, 4pm

classes & workshops

eQuality Champaign-Urbana meeting Wesley-United Methodist Church & Wesley Foundation, U, 7pm

Adult Pottery Class Boneyard Pottery, C, 9am, 6:30pm, $25 For registration please call: 355-5610 Real Computing Help Douglass Branch Library, C, 6pm

community

Wednesday 12

Locals’ Night Po’ Boys, U, 4pm

live music

lgbt

mind/body/spirit Open Yoga Practice Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 5:30am, $8 10

buzz

Donnie Heitler: Solo Piano Great Impasta, U, 6pm Live Irish Music Bentley’s Pub, C, 7pm

Dave Cooper, Joni Dreyer and Brad Hendricks Senator’s Bar & Grill, Savoy, 7:30pm The Sugar Prophets Fat City Bar & Grill, C, 8pm Caleb Cook Rosebowl Tavern, Ltd., U, 10pm

dj Old School Night Red Star Liquors, U, 9pm Wild West Wednesday It’ll Do 2, C, 9pm Rockstar DJ Fat City Bar & Grill, C, 10pm I Love The ‘90s with DJ Mingram Soma Ultralounge, C, 10pm

dance music Tango Dancing Cowboy Monkey, C, 8pm Discotech: Dance Night Canopy Club, U, 10pm Doors open at 9pm Salsa Dancing Cowboy Monkey, C, 10pm

karaoke SuperStar Karaoke AnSun, C, 9pm

open mic Open Mic Comedy Night Memphis on Main, C, 9pm Contact tuttlecomedy@ yahoo.com if you are interested in more information or to sign up

lectures Lifelong Learners: Parkland Has International Students Champaign Public Library, C, 10am

recreation Lunch Time Skate Ice Arena, C, 11:15am, Free-$7 Public Skate Ice Arena, C, 7:30 pm, $2-$3

game-playing Pokémon Fan Club Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 5:30pm CU64 Chess Club McKinley Presbyterian Church and Foundation, C, 7pm

Bingo Mike ‘n Molly’s, C, 9:30pm

buz z ’s WEEK AHEAD Harlem Globetrotters 2011 World Tour

kids & families Improv Class Act, C, 5pm, $35 (3 week session) 11-13 year olds Wrestling Fan Club Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 4pm 5th grade and up

Assembly Hall 1800 S. First St., C. Friday, Jan. 7 7 p.m. $15$80 All ages They’ve been in Scooby Doo, The Simpsons and now they’re coming to Assembly Hall — the team with the most wins out of any fake team of any sport ever, The Harlem Globetrotters. Will they be playing the Boston Shamrocks, the New Jersey Reds, the Baltimore Rockets, or the Atlantic City Seagulls? Will they play a team they have to try with? I don’t know, but I know I’ll be there, ready to watch dreams come true. — Dylan Sutcliff, Music Editor

mind/body/spirit Open Yoga Practice Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 5:30am, $8 Core Yoga Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 12pm, $12 Yoga Fundamentals Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 4pm, $12 Astanga Yoga Living Yoga Center, U, 9am, $15 Asana for Women BKS Iyengar Yoga Institute of C-U, U, 9:15am, $14 Wellness Wednesday Activities and Recreation Center (ARC), C, 5:15pm Yoga Class Every Wednesday Ananda Liina Yoga & Meditation Center, U, 5:30pm Hatha Flow Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 5:45pm, $12 Candlelight Yoga Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 7pm, $12 Yoga For Men BKS Iyengar Yoga Institute of C-U, U, 7:15pm, $14

faith Grad Students and Professionals Bible Study University Baptist Church, C, 7pm Bible and Brew St. Andrew’s Lutheran Church and Campus Center, C, 8pm Join St. Andrew’s Lutheran Church for a bible study at Murphy’s

classes & workshops Improv Workout Class Act, C, 6:30pm, $10 Please call prior to class start time to reserve your space: 766-5964

Heel Dragger Memphis on Main 55 E. Main St., C. Friday, Jan. 7 8 p.m. $3 If you’re like me, you’ve had an assfull of being at home this break. That’s why I’m going to Champaign early, and while I’m in the ghost town I might as well go to a show or two. Apparently, Heel Dragger is a high energy rock band, so their show should get me really pumped up to walk home afterward to my shitty apartment filled with empty beer bottles and lost memories. — Matt Carey, Movies & TV Editor

Dry Felting for Adults Amara Yoga & Arts 300 S. Broadway Ave., U. Saturday, Jan. 9 noon $90 21+ Apparently this is a class that helps you make dolls and animal shapes out of felt! I saw a lady who does this at Taste of Champaign, and it looked pretty adorable. I’m a big crafts fan and, ya know, if I had kids they could do kid yoga at the same time while I had some private, adult felt time. I like the option even if I’m not a parent. — Jeanine Russell, Food & Drink Editor

Achtung, Baby: A U2 Tribute Band Canopy Club 708 S. Goodwin Ave., U. Saturday, Jan. 9 7:30 p.m. $5 18+ I recently watched It Might Get Loud. I realized a few things: 1. Jack White is awesome, but kind of pretentious. 2. Jimmy Page is a huge nerd, but also awesome. 3. The Edge is a gigantic douche. 4. Despite the overwhelming douche-ness of its members, U2 still made some great records. Seeing real U2 in concert would probably cost $100 and it’d be money helping fuel The Edge’s clusterfuck Spiderman musical, or Bono’s egomania. However, seeing Achtung, Baby will allow you to comfortably enjoy U2’s hits, without having to put up with Bono’s stupid sunglasses — and that’s at the low price of $5. It’s a win for everyone. — Nick Martin, Community Editor

Anything Goes Open Mic Night with Jeremy Harper Memphis on Main 55 E. Main St., C. Sunday, Jan. 10 8:30 p.m. 21+ Have a talent that you are dying to share? Secretly wishing that you could become the next American Idol? Well, here’s your chance. Head over to Memphis on Main and strut your stuff at Open Mic Night. It doesn’t matter what you do. Just do something. — Lauren Hise, Arts & Entertainment Editor

the217.com January 6-12, 2011

2011: The year of rock ‘n’roll.

DOIN’ IT WELL

by Jo SangEr and Ross Wantland

Exploring our holes O

ccasionally, Jo will be asked by a young woman what “hole” she pees out of, or how she might know if she is having sex in the correct “hole.” For men and women, there’s an awful lot we don’t know about our anatomy (or each others’ anatomy). “Doin’ It Well” thought we should usher in the new year with a frank discussion about many of our “holes.” Of course, our mouths are sexual organs (and “holes”), too. We use our lips, tongue, teeth and entire mouth to kiss, bite, suck, lick and otherwise stimulate our partners. But we also tend to know which hole our food goes into, so our mouth is less of a mystery. Where We Pee

The urethra is the tube that exports urine from the bladder (among other functions). In men, the urethra opening is located in the tip of the penis. In men, the urethra is approximately 8 inches long, running from the bladder down under the base of the penis and along the front of the penis. The male urethra also crosses through the prostate gland and carries semen, seminal fluid and pre-cum (Cowper’s fluid) during arousal and orgasm. In women, the urethra opening is below the clitoris and above the vaginal opening. The female urethra is only about 2 inches long and travels from the bladder along the top of the vagina. The

Vaginas, urethras and anuses (Oh my!)

spongy tissue known as the “G-spot” surrounds the female urethra along the vagina. Because women’s urethras are shorter, some women may be prone to urinary tract infections following sex, which is why some people recommend peeing after sex to help push out any bacteria that could have been introduced into the urethra. Where We Poo

The anus is the opening from the large intestine that transports feces. The rectum is a 6-inch length of the large intestine that serves as the final resting place for feces before it is expelled from the body. The anal sphincter is a circle of muscles that can constrict or dilate and contains a bundle of sensitive nerves. The inside of the rectum has fewer direct nerves, so sensations are more about “fullness” or pressure. However, anal penetration may also stimulate other internal sexual organs that lay near the rectum, such as the prostate in men and the wall of the vagina in women. Because the rectum does not produce very much natural lubrication, lots of heavy lube is necessary for safe and pleasurable anal intercourse. Using one’s mouth and tongue – called analingus or “rimming” – may be another way to stimulate the anus. Because of the risks of ingestion of feces, experts recommend washing thoroughly beforehand and using a latex barrier to reduce the risks.

Va-jay-jay

The vagina is the muscular canal leading from the cervix (the bottom of the uterus) to the outside of the body. The vagina is about 2.5 inches without sexual stimulation (during stimulation, the vagina elongates to approximately 4 inches and widens). The walls of the vagina can stretch, which allows not only for sexual intercourse, but also childbirth. The inside of the vagina contains a number of helpful microorganisms that help keep the vagina clean and healthy. Douching and antibiotics can kill these microorganisms, leading to yeast infections or other un-fun things. However, acidophilus, an active culture found in yogurt, helps promote healthy bacteria and vaginal health. The opening to the vagina has a high concentration of nerves and therefore the sensations on the external area of the vagina may be different than those inside the vagina. The walls and opening of the vagina are surrounded by the pubococcygeus muscles of the pelvic floor. These muscles can be voluntarily contracted (repetition of this contraction is called Kegel exercises and can strengthen these muscles) or involuntarily contract during arousal and orgasm. But where does “wetness” during sex come from? Bartholin’s Glands (or greater vestibular glands) are located slightly below and to the left of the vagina. During sexual arousal, these glands

produce secretions that help lubricate the vulva and vagina. It is analogous to the Cowper’s gland in males (the one that produces the drops of pre-cum that are released during sexual arousal). Skene’s glands may also be responsible for releasing some fluid during sexual arousal and orgasm. However, the vagina itself also releases moisture that aids in sexual lubrication, although there are no specific glands for this. Knowing our anatomy and sexual function helps us understand our bodies and our sex better. Reader Question

What happened to I-Block? Closed permanently? A reader recently asked us if the Holiday Video (or for those of us who have been around longer, “I-Block”) adult video store on Neil Street has closed or gone out of business. Albeit the more frightening of the three bookstores in town (Fantasy’s and Illini Video Arcade being the others), Holiday Video has historically had many customers and been a popular site for cruising and hooking up – primarily for gay men. We will get back to you next week about the status of Holiday Video. Until next week, keep doin’ it well in 2011! Send your questions and comments for Jo and Ross to buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com.

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Classifieds Place an Ad: 217 - 337 - 8337 Deadline: 2 p.m. Tuesday for the next Thursday’s edition. Index Employment 000 Services 100 Merchandise 200 Transportation 300 Apartments 400 Other Housing/Rent 500 Real Estate for Sale 600 Things To Do 700 Announcements 800 Personals 900

• PLEASE CHECK YOUR AD! Report errors immediately by calling 337-8337. We cannot be responsible for more than one day’s incorrect insertion if you do not notify us of the error by 2 pm on the day of the first insertion. • All advertising is subject to the approval of the publisher. The Daily Illini shall have the right to revise, reject or cancel, in whole or in part, any advertisement, at any time. • All employment advertising in this newspaper is subject to the City of Champaign Human Rights Ordinance and similar state and local laws, making it illegal for any person to cause to be published any advertisement which expresses limitation, specification or discrimination as to race, color, mental handicap, personal appearance, sexual orientation, family responsibilities, political affiliation, prior arrest or conviction record, source of income, or the fact that such person is a student. • Specification in employment classifications are made only where such factors are bonafide occupational qualifications necessary for employment. • All real estate advertising in this newspaper is subject to the Federal Fair Housing Act of 1968, and similar state and local laws which make it illegal for any person to cause to be published any advertisement relating to the transfer, sale, rental, or lease of any housing which expresses limitation, specifications or discrimination as to race, color, creed, class, national origin, religion, sex, age, marital status, physical or mental handicap, personal appearance, sexual oientation, family responsibilities, political affiliation, or the fact that such person is a student. • This newspaper will not knowingly accept any advertising for real estate that is in violation of the law. Our readers are informed that all dwellings advertised in this newspaper are available on an equal oppportunity basis.

Deadline:

2 p.m. Monday for the next Thursday’s edition.

Rates:

January 6-12, 2011

APARTMENTS

Furnished/Unfurnished

410 APARTMENTS

COUNTRY FAIR APARTMENTS 1 & 2 Bedroom, furn/ unfurn, FREE Expanded 80+ Channels Cable TV, FREE High Speed Internet, FREE Water, Heater and trash removal. Off-street parking, indoor laundry, pool, tennis court. On 4 MTD bus routes. Small pet OK. M-F 9-5:30, Sat 9-12. 2106 W. White Street (near Springﬁeld Ave) 217-359-3713 www.myapartmenthome.com

SEMESTER LEASES

January 1 through May 31, 2011. Great campus locations. Furnished or unfurnished. 604 E Clark- Large one bedroom apartments from $525/mo. 406 E Clark- One bedroom apartments from $425/mo. Wampler Property Management 217-352-1335 www.wamplerapartments.com

Furnished/Unfurnished

410 APARTMENTS

609 W. MAIN, URBANA Aug. 2011. 2 bdrm Townhouses$660/mo to $750/mo. 2 bdrm aptsFurnish $610/mo to $700/mo. 1 bdrm apts- Furnish $510/mo. to $550/mo. Parking optional, central A/C. carpet, laundry, ethernet avail. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com for virtual tours and ﬂoor plans visit our web site.

205 EAST HEALEY, CHAMPAIGN Aug 2011. Huge 1 bdrm apts. Window A/C, Parking $40/mo. Rents from $435/mo to $515/mo. $50/to Furnish. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 Visit www.barr-re.com for Virtual tours and ﬂoor plans.

Furnished/Unfurnished

410 APARTMENTS

420 APARTMENTS

Furnished

Fall 2011

705 S. FIRST, CH

From $785. Parking, heat, hot water, cable, internet included. 217-3676626.

3 bedroom/$1025 4 bedroom/$1350-1450 Parking $40/mo, furnished www.tricountmg.com 217-367-2009

2 BEDROOM CAMPUS Available August From $785/month. Include most utilities. 217-367-6626

1108 S. Lincoln, Urbana Available August 2011. Classic building close to Jimmy John's on Lincoln Ave. Hardwood floors, laundry. Efficiencies - furnished rents from $365 to $385/mo. Unfurnished 1 bedrooms $575/mo. Unfurnished 2 bedrooms $750/mo. Shown 7 days/ wk. Barr Real Estate, Inc. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & floor plans visit our web site

420 APARTMENTS

2 & 3 Bedroom on Lincoln in Urbana 807 W. Oregon & 810 W. Iowa Starting at $415/person 344-0700 LIVE WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 & 6 bedrooms at 102 E. Gregory Extra large lofts with vaulted ceilings, pet friendly Save money, enjoy new everything! 344-0700

202 W. SPRINGFIELD, CHAMPAIGN August 2011. 1 Bedroom apartments close to campus. Central A/C, dishwashers, balconies. Rent from $420/ mo. Call for showing times. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC 356-1873 www.barr-re.com

808 W. Clark, U. One Bedroom Apartment with 1 free parking spot and FREE HIGH SPEED INTERNET. Furnished with washer and dryer in unit. $600 per month. Available January 2011. ADVANTAGE PROPERTIES C-U 217-344-0394 www.advproperties.com

1007 W. Clark, U. Remodeled One Bedroom Apartment with FREE HIGH SPEED INTERNET. Furnished with washer and dryer in unit. $620 per month. Available January 2011. ADVANTAGE PROPERTIES C-U 217-344-0394 www.advproperties.com

906-908 S. Locust, Ch. Efﬁc/$440, 1 brm/$530-595. Quiet location, parking $40/mo. www.tricountymg.com 217-367-2009

Furnished

811 W. Oregon- 4 Bedrooms on Lincoln. Perfect for theatre or music majors. New appliances, W/D in unit starting at $365/person Call 344-0700

311 E. WHITE, CHAMPAIGN Available August 2011. Large efﬁciencies close to Beckman Center. From $350/mo. Parking $35/mo. Window A/C, carpet. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our web site

Available Immediately & Fall 2011 301 West Illinois, U. 3 Bedroom, $990/mo, Parking & all utilities included. Close to Campus.

Fall 2011 Apartments Efficiencies

2 Bedrooms

4 Bedrooms

104 E. John

308 E. Armory

312 E. White

105 S. Fourth

1103 S. Euclid

208/210 E. White

807 S. Locust

308 E. Armory

208/210 E. White

1 Bedrooms

312 E. White

306 E. Armory

508 S. First

1103 S. Euclid

5 Bedrooms

108 W. Charles 104 E. John

3 Bedrooms

1103 S. Euclid

103 E. Healey

1103 S. Euclid

306 E. Armory

105 S. Fourth

807 S. Locust

108 1/2 E. Daniel

208/210 E. White

Houses

310 E. Clark

312 E. White

509 S. Elm, C.

106 E. Armory

104 E. John

314 E. White

308 E. Armory

306 E. Armory

106 1/2 E. Armory

312 E. White 507 S. Elm, C.

Call for an appointment

351-1767 www.johnsonrentals.com rentals@ johnsonrentals.com

601 West Springﬁeld, C. 2 Bedroom, $620/mo, parking & all utilities included. Contact Chris at 684-2226 or crpayne30@hotmail.com

706 S. WALNUT, URBANA August 2011. Close to Downtown Urbana, 1 bedrooms from $520/mo. 2 bedrooms from $550/mo. Central A/C, Laundry. Parking. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 Visit www.barr-re.com for Virtual tours and ﬂoor plans.

808 S. LINCOLN URBANA August 2011. Classic buildingacross from Jimmy John's on Lincoln Ave. Hardwood floors, laundry. Shown 7 days/wk. 1 Bedroom + Sun Room = $575/mo. (UF) 1 Bedroom + Den = $575/mo. (UF) 2 Bedroom = $510 to $575/mo. (F) Efficiency = $390/mo. (F) Parking = $50/mo. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & floor plans visit our web site

• • • •

WALK TO CAMPUS! •Walk to U of I Campus – Apartments & Houses only 1 to 4 blocks away! 2,3,4 Bedroom Houses •Laundry in Apartment, Furnished, Internet •1,2,3 Bedroom Apartments •2,3,4 Bedroom Houses www.advproperties.com www.advproperties.com

Leasing for Fall 2011 Engineering Campus

30 words in both Thursday’s buzz and Friday’s Daily Illini!! $10. If it rains, your next date is free.

Action Ads

• 20 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $20 • 10 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $10 • add a photo to an action ad, $10

buzz

217-344-0394

Do You Want Close?

Photo Sellers Garage Sales

420

408 E. White, C. Furnished 2 & 3 Bedroom apartments for Fall 2011. No Pets. $710900. Steve Frerichs 217-369-1182 stevesapartments.com

Billed rate: 43¢/word Paid-in-Advance: 37¢/word 30 words or less + photo: $5 per issue

the217.com

Close In Urbana Locations

Illini Union 3 1/2 Blocks Mech. Eng. 3 Blocks

3&4 bedrooms Office 911 W. Springfield, Urbana 344-3008 www.BaileyApartments.com

Digital Comp. Lab, Grainger, Siebel 2 1/2 Blocks

the217.com

2011: The year of the fat joke.

APARTMENTS Furnished

420 APARTMENTS

Furnished

1107 S. EUCLID, C

509 Bash Court, C. Fall 2011 Great 3 and 5 bedrooms, near 6th and Green. Fully furnished, dishwashers, laundry. Off-street parking. Starting at $330/person. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

103 E. DANIEL, CHAMPAIGN August 2011. Close to Frat Park. Large 3 bedrooms, 1 1/2 baths from $1,100/mo. 2 bedrooms from $785/ mo. Efﬁciencies from $435/mo. Central A/C, Storage units, Laundry. Parking $60/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC 356-1873 Visit www.barr-re.com for Virtual tours & ﬂoor plans.

January Leases Efﬁciency 1-2-3 Bedrooms 309 South First The University Group universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

102 N. GREGORY, URBANA August 2011. Close to Illini Union. 2 bedrooms $555/mo. Carpet, Laundry. Parking $50/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-173 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our web site

1- 6 Bedrooms at 202 E. John Two levels of living space Affordable apartments just 2 blocks from the Quad. Call 344-0700

705 W. Stoughton, U Fall 2011 3 bedroom apartment. Spacious living area. Communal balcony & great backyard. Plus a bar area in kitchen, dishwasher, washer/dryer in each unit, value pricing. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

ABOVE JIMMY JOHN'S ON LINCOLN 805 S. LINCOLN, URBANA August 2011. Ceiling fans, window A/C. Efﬁciencies from $530/mo. 1 bedrooms from $580/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our website.

Now Renting For August 2011

201 E. Armory, C.

$400

1 Bedroom

2 Bedroom

58 E. Armory, C. 201 E. Armory, C. 511 W. Church, C. 604 W. Stoughton, U. 1004 S. Locust, C. 1009 W. Clark, U. 1010 W. Clark, U. 1012 W. Clark, U.

$855 $915 $655-715 $995 $630 - $835 $740 $830 $740

3 Bedroom Apartments 201 E. Armory, C.

$1,260

Most apt. furnished, parking available, laundry available

Affordable, HUGE and Unique Apartments ON Campus and Pet Friendly 344-0700

1006 S. 3rd, Champaign HUGE Fall 2011 1 and 2 bedrooms. Location, location. 3 level apartments. Hardwood ﬂoors, covered parking, laundry, furnished, patios. Value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

207/211 John C.

307, 310 E. White, C 307, 309 Clark, C Fall 2011. Large studio, double closet, well furnished. Starting from $360/mo. Behind County Market. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

ARBOR APARTMENTS, C.

217-384-1925 Efficiency

$605 $475-545 $490 $520, $650 $585

For Fall 2011. Large 4 bedrooms, 2 bath. Balconies, laundry, covered parking. Starting at $300/person. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

2, 4 Bedrooms. Great Location, onsite laundry, parking. 4 Bedroom with leather furniture plus ﬂat screen TV. Value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

Smith Apartments

Furnished

203 S. Sixth, C.

August 2011. 1 bedrooms Near Armory & Gregory. Window A/C, Laundry, Rents from $410/mo to $430/mo. Parking $40/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC 356-1873 Visit www.barr-re.com for Virtual tours and ﬂoor plans.

58 E. Armory, C. 507 & 511 W. Church, C. 610 W. Stoughton, U. 1004 S. Locust, C. 1012 W. Clark, U.

420 APARTMENTS

Furnished

www.smithapartments-cu.com

August 2011. 1 bedrooms at Third & Gregory. Window A/C, Laundry, Rents from $410/mo to $435/mo. Parking $40/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 Visit www.barr-re.com for Virtual tours and ﬂoor plans.

610 E. Stoughton- Apartment on Engineering Quad 2, 3, & 4 Bedrooms. Call 344-0700. $425/person Huge bedrooms and living space

404 W. HIGH, URBANA Aug 2011. Huge 2 bdrms- 1,100 sq. ft. W/D in each unit. From $710/mo to $750/mo. Parking. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 Visit www.barr-re.com for Virtual tours and ﬂoor plans.

604 E. White, Champaign Security Entrance For Fall 2011, Large studio, 1, 2 bedroom, Loft Apartment. Furnished, balconies, patios, laundry, off-street parking, value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

203 Healey, Champaign Fall 2011. Great location on the park. Private balconies. Fully furnished 3 bedrooms. Parking, laundry, value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

702 W. WESTERN, URBANA August 2011. 1 bedrooms, window A/C, carpet/tile ﬂoors, laundry, parking available. From $435/mo to $470/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our web site

NEW KITCHENS 307 - 309 - Healy Court 2+3 Bedrooms Starting at $343 per person

theuniversity 309 S. First, C.

group

420 APARTMENTS Furnished

420 APARTMENTS

THE NEVADAN 903 W. NEVADA, URBANA We've redefined luxury with these spectacular 2 bedrooms/ 1 to 2 bath units built August 2007 right in the heart of the U of I campus, around the corner from Cafe Paradiso. Wallmounted flat screen TVs, wine & beer fridge, designer furniture package, W/D, buzzer entry, elevator, covered parking and MUCH MORE!!! Rent from $1,275/mo. to $1,375/mo. Call for showing times! BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & floor plans visit our web site. Engineering Quad 610 East Stoughton Champaign 2, 3 Bedrooms starting 344-0700 Different Layouts, Huge Apartments, New Flooring/ Furniture

605 S. Fifth, C. Fall 2011 5th and Green location Outdoor activity area. 1, 2, and 3 bedrooms available. Garage offstreet parking, laundry, and value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

807-809 W. ILLINOIS, URBANA Aug 2011. 1 Bdrms corner of Lincoln & Illinois. Window A/C, Laundry, Rent $560/mo. Parking $50/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE INC 356-1873 www.barr-re.com

1005 S. Second, Champaign Fall 2011 studio and 4 bedroom penthouse. Secured building. Private parking, laundry on-site. Value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182 a

2 full baths universitygroupapartments.com 217-352-3182

1 Bedroom 901 W. Springfield, U $ 540-595 911 W. Springfield, U $ 570-610 1004 W. Springfield, U $ 495-525 2 Bedroom 901 W. Springfield, U $ 695-740 111 S. Lincoln, U $ 795-840 3 Bedroom 1010 W. Springfield U $ 1230-1380 4 Bedroom 1010 W. Springfield, U $ 1724-1796 111 S. Lincoln, U For Info: (217) 344-3008 911 W. Springfield, Urbana www.BaileyApartments.com

JANUARY 6-12, 2011

420 APARTMENTS

Furnished

420

Furnished

907 W. 508, 510 & 512 STOUGHTON, EAST STOUGHTON AugustURBANA 2011. Huge 2 bedroom apt great location near Engineering. CHAMPAIGN inCentral A/C, laundry. From $665/

August 2011. Huge 2 bedrooms. Close to Engineering & C/S. A/C, Laundry, Parking $50/mo. Rent from $570/mo to $775/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 Visit www.barr-re.com for Virtual tours and ﬂoor plans.

mo. Parking $50/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our web site

101 N. BUSEY & 102 N. LINCOLN, U. August 2011. Near Green & Lincoln. 2 bedroom apts from $550/mo. Window A/C, Laundry. Parking $50/mo. Call for showing times. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our web site

www.robsapartments.com Efﬁciencies at 503 E. Clark, Champaign 2 Bedroom at 707 W. Elm, Urbana 3 Bedroom and 4 Bedroom at 506 E. White, Champaign Contact rschambers@gmail.com 217-840-5134

602 E. Stoughton, C Fall 2011. Unique 1 & 2 bedroom apartments. All furnished, laundry, internet. 2 Bedrooms starting at $387/person. Parking available. Must see! THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

1007 S. FIRST August 2011. Near First & Gregory. 1 bedroom apt from $460/mo. 2 bedroom apts from $605/mo. Window A/C, Carpet, Laundry. Parking included. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our web site

506 E. Stoughton, Champaign For Fall 2011. Extra large efﬁciency apartments. Security building entry, complete furniture, laundry, off-street parking, value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, Champaign THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

706 S. FIRST, C.

411 HEALEY, Champaign Best Location - Fall 2011 Spacious 3 and 4 bedroom apts. Fully furnished, dishwasher, laundry, leather furniture, ﬂat-screen TV and value pricing. Covered parking. Phone 352-3182. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com

August 2011. 1/2 block South of Green. 1 bedroom $440/mo. 2 bedrooms from $485/mo. Window A/C. Parking $40/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 Visit www.barr-re.com for Virtual tours and ﬂoor plans.

Immaculate Quality Living Choice of 18 Locations Amenities for Every Budget 24 Hr. Emergency Service www.roysebrinkmeyer.com 211 W. Springfield, Champaign 217-352-1129 “YOUR FRIENDS ARE ALREADY HERE”

NEW KITCHENS 503 - 505 - 508 White 2 Bedroom with den $790 3 Bedroom $830-950

theuniversity

group

Contact Justin at 618-304-8562

Completely Furnished On-Site Parking & Laundry On-Site Resident Manager universitygroupapartments.com 217-352-3182

Daniel St. Lofts NOW LEASING New

Kitchens

BIG! 106 Daniel

Flat Screen T.V. 4-Bedroom / 2-Bath Mardi Gras Balconies

www.universitygroupapartments.com 217-352-3182

buzz

the217.com

APARTMENTS

420 APARTMENTS

Furnished

509 Stoughton, C Fall 2011 Near Grainger, spacious studios and 2 bedrooms, laundry, value pricing, parking. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

GREAT VALUE 306-308-309 White, C Fall 2011. Furnished studios, 1, 2, and 3 bedrooms. Balconies, patios, laundry, dishwashers, off-street parking. Behind County Market. Starting at $265/person. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

5th & HEALEY, C. Aug 2011. The BEST LOCATED EFFICIENCIES & 1 BEDROOMS on campus - period. Here's the best part: Efﬁciencies $410/mo to $450/ mo & 1 bedrooms $560/mo to $575/ mo. Parking avail @ $40/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 Visit www.barr-re.com for Virtual tours and ﬂoor plans.

John Street Apartments 58 E. John, C. Fall 2011. Studio, two and three bedrooms, fully furnished. Dishwasher, center courtyard, onsite laundry, central air, parking. Starting at $298/person. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

706 S. LOCUST, C.

Place Apartments

Lincoln

305 N. Lincoln NW Corner of Lincoln & Main, Urbana NEAR ENGINEERING CAMPUS

L P A

Place Apartments

2&3 Bedrooms- Furnished Features: -FREE INTERNET -1 FREE Parking Space/Apt -FREE trash/recycling Laundry Facilities (5) -Cable Hook-up -Carpeted -Central Air/Heat -Dishwasher/Microwave -Desks/Chairs -On-site Management -Owner Managed -NO PETS

Call 217-369-2717 lincolnplaceapts.net

Lincoln

Safe Quiet Street 1 block from Lincoln and Green. 1 BR, LR, kitchen, study, bath, patio, parking. No smoking, no pets. Available January. $525/mo. westernrentals705@gmail.com

buzz

202 East John One Bedroom on campus 344-0700 Variety of Layouts, Prices, Locations Designer Furnishings - Pet Friendly

102 S. LINCOLN URBANA (Green & Lincoln) Fall 2011 2, 3 & 4 Bedroom FREE INTERNET (217) 337-8852 www.mhmproperties.com ----------

101 E. DANIEL CHAMPAIGN Fall 2011 1, 2 & 4 Bedroom FREE INTERNET (217) 337-8852 www.mhmproperties.com ----------

203 S. FOURTH CHAMPAIGN Fall 2011 1, 2, 3 & 4 Bedroom FREE INTERNET (217) 337-8852 www.mhmproperties.com ----------

605 E. CLARK CHAMPAIGN Fall 2011 1 Bedroom FREE INTERNET (217) 337-8852 www.mhmproperties.com ----------

August 2011. Window A/C, Covered Parking $45/mo, laundry. Efﬁciency $320/mo., 1 bedrooms $410/mo to $425/mo, 2 bedrooms $560/mo to $570/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 Visit www.barr-re.com for Virtual tours and ﬂoor plans.

Lincoln Place Apartments

420 APARTMENTS

205 S. SIXTH CHAMPAIGN Fall 2011 3 & 4 Bedrooms BIG TV & JACUZZI FREE INTERNET (217) 337-8852 www.mhmproperties.com ----------

808 S. OAK CHAMPAIGN Fall 2011 2, 3 & 4 Bedrooms FREE INTERNET (217) 337-8852 www.mhmproperties.com ----------

101 S. BUSEY URBANA Fall 2011 1 Bedroom Apts with PAID UTILITIES! (217) 337-8852 www.mhmproperties.com ----------

805 S. LOCUST CHAMPAIGN Fall 2011 2 & 4 Bedroom Apts BI-LEVEL (217) 337-8852 www.mhmproperties.com ---------More information, ﬂoor plans, interior pictures, etc. www.mhmproperties.com (217) 337-8852

Furnished

420 APARTMENTS Unfurnished

509 E. White, C. Fall 2011. Large Studio and 1 bedrooms. Security entry, balconies, patios, furnished. Laundry, off-street parking, value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, Champaign THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

509 W. MAIN, URBANA August 2011. 1 bedroom apts. $420/mo to $460/mo. Laundry, Window A/C, Parking, $45/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our web site

111 E. Chalmers, Champaign Fall 2011 studio and 1 and 4 bedrooms. Leather furniture, skylights, off-street parking, laundry. Starting at $385/person. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

Old Town Champaign 510 S. Elm, C. Available Fall 2011. 2 BR close to campus, hardwood ﬂoors, laundry on-site, W/D, central air/heat, off-street parking, 24 hr. maintenance. Value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182 906 S. Oak, C. Furnished 2, 3,& 4 Bedroom apartments for fall 2011. Laundry in each apartment. No pets. $760-1,360. Steve Frerichs 217-369-1182 stevesapartments.com

104 E. Armory, C. Fall 2011. Location!! 4 bedroom, 2 bath. Some skylights and ﬂat screen TVs. Covered Parking. Laundry. Starting at $375/person. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

August 2011. Close to Engineering campus. 2 bedroom from $950/mo. Window A/C, carpet. Parking $40/ mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our web site.

3rd and Clark August 2011. Beautiful 3 and 4 bedroom apartments. Plasma, wood ﬂoors, Gorgeous. From $275/ person. Ted Pfeffer, 766-5108.

Unfurnished

515 W. Washington, Champaign 1 BR Now Available. $420/mo. Near downtown Champaign. Call 217-352-8540 for an appointment or view at faronproperties.com

111-121 W. Park, Urbana Available Now. 2 Bedroom Apartment Overlooking Crystal Lake Park. Adjacent to Carle Clinic and close to U of I Campus- Engineering & Computer Science. Shown 7 days a week. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our web site.

722 S. BROADWAY, U. August 2011. 1 bedroom apts close to Campus. Window A/C. Rents $420/mo. Shown 7 days/wk.

BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 Visit www.barr-re.com for Virtual tours and ﬂoor plans.

SUBLETS

440

301 W. Park, U 1 BR Sublease for Spring/Summer 2011. $400/mo. Includes parking and garbage service. Fully furnished and new appliances. 217-766-4587. 1 bedroom sublease . February-July. $395/mo. 606 S. Prairie. (217) 4188230.

HOUSES FOR RENT

510

510 PARKING/STORAGE 570 PARKING/STORAGE 570

10 Bedroom Fifth & University 5 1/2 Baths, 3 Kitchens 3 Living Rooms FREE PARKING Full Basement Rec-Room www.zhengrentals.com 841-5407

Looking for something to do on the weekend?

Campus Houses 4 to 6 persons August 2011 Clark, White Street www.mhmproperties.com 337-8852

ROOMS

530

Campus. Large nice furnished room in house on busline. $260/mo with parking free. 217-356-0345.

check out

ROOMMATE WANTED 550 Available Immediately 1 bedroom in 3 bedroom condo. Colony West Subdivision Southwest Champaign. Bus to UofI and Parkland. Short walk. Parking Avialable. $425/mo + 1/3 utilities. Yvonne 847-977-4095 or Bruce 847977-1092

PARKING/STORAGE 570 PARKING AVAILABLE, Champaign Corner of 5th & Healey parking spaces available. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873.

GREAT HOUSES Beautiful furnished homes in old town champaign. 3-6 bedrooms from $300/person. Ted 766-5108 CU-homes.com

Campus Houses on buslines. 3 Nice large bedrooms. Kitchen, living room, basement. With parking. $600/mo. 217356-0345 Fall 2011 4 Bedroom, 2 Bath, $330/bedroom. Campus Houses. Washer/dryer. 217-367-6626.

FALL 2011

1006 W. STOUGHTON, URBANA

APARTMENTS

430 HOUSES FOR RENT

calendar

January 6-12, 2011

430

800 W. Church, C Now Available Economical 2BR, $490/mo central Champaign location convenient to shopping/transportation. Call 217-352-8540 for showing and viewing at faronproperties.com 201 W. Washington, Champaign Now Available Heart of Downtown Champaign Efﬁciency $395/mo. Call 217-352-8540 for appointment or view at faronproperties.com

Campus Houses 10, 11 Bedrooms $330/person 367-6626 310 S State, C 7 BR Group House $430/person Call 217-369-2717 lincolnplaceapts.net

907 W. Hill, U. Very Spacious 3 bedroom house with hardwood ﬂoor throughout, washer and dryer, furnished or unfurnished, and PARKING! $900 per month. Available January 2011. Advantage Properties 217-344-0394 www.advproperties.com

508 S. FIFTH, CHAMPAIGN August 2011. 4 bedroom house w/ 1. 5 baths, W/D, big screen T.V., carpet. Rent $2,100/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our web site.

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THE217.COM

Get out. Sound off. Champaign-Urbana.

Want to bring your pets with you? Free parking? Balcony? Close to the Quad? Find out where. classifieds.dailyillini.com/apartments

the217.com January 6-12, 2011

2011: The year of the hand hug.

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY ARIES

(March 21-April 19)

“A man may fulfill the object of his existence by asking a question he cannot answer, and attempting a task he cannot achieve,” mused 19th-century author Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. Advice that wild could just as well have been dispensed by a feral saint living in a cave in the woods. And now I’m passing it on to you, Aries, just in time for the beginning of what may be your wildest year in a decade. In my astrological opinion, you are ready to be a connoisseur of mysteries that purify the mind and nurture the soul . . . a daredevil of the spirit in quest of seemingly impossible dreams . . . a fierce adept of the wisdom of uncertainty who’s in love with unpredictable teachings.

TAURUS

(April 20-May 20)

What confusing commotion would you like to walk away from and never come back to? What lessons have you learned so well that you’re overdue to graduate from them? What long-term healing process would you like to finish up so you can finally get started on the building phase that your healing will give you the power to carry out? These are excellent questions to ask yourself as you plan your life in the next six months.

GEMINI

(May 21-June 20)

CANCER

(June 21-July 22)

The Strait of Gibralter is the narrow passage between Europe and Africa where the Mediterranean Sea joins the Atlantic Ocean. According to legend, in ancient times the Latin phrase “ne plus ultra” was inscribed in the rock overlooking this gateway. It meant “not further beyond,” and served as a warning to sailors not to venture out to the wild waters past the strait. Eventually, that cautionary advice became irrelevant, of course. With a sturdy vessel, skilled crew, good preparation, and expert knowledge based on the experience of others, venturing out past the “ne plus ultra” point wasn’t dangerous. I hope you’ll take that as your cue in 2011, Gemini. There were problems with the soccer balls used in the World Cup last year. Many players felt they were difficult to control. Their trajectory was unpredictable. Brazilian forward Luis Fabiano went so far as to say that the ball “doesn’t want to be kicked.” Other players said the balls were poorly made, like those “you buy in a supermarket.” I bring this to your attention as a cautionary metaphor, Cancerian. In 2011 you will be taking part in your equivalent of the World Cup. It will be crucial to have the very best tools and accessories. You can’t afford to play with balls that don’t respond accurately to your skillful means.

LEO

(July 23-Aug. 22)

LIBRA

SCORPIO

by Matt Jones

“Key Words” — played on the piano.

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

SAGITTARIUS

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

CAPRICORN

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

In 1967, the U.S. had 31,225 nuclear warheads. But by 2010 it had a mere 5,113. The world’s most militarized nation hopes to scale down to an even more modest 3,000 or so by 2021. In the coming year, Scorpio, I’d love to see you be inspired by that example to begin reducing your own levels of anger and combativeness. You don’t have to do away entirely with your ability to fight everyone who doesn’t agree with you and everything you don’t like; just cut back some. I’m sure that’ll still leave you with plenty of firepower.

“The heart is forever inexperienced,” said Thoreau. He believed our feeling nature is eternally innocent; that no matter how much we learn about the game of life, sadness or lust or rage or joy hits us as hard the thousandth time as it did in the beginning. But is that really true? Are you as likely to plunge into mind-exploding infatuation with your fourth lover as you were with your first? Are you as susceptible now to having your world turned upside-down by flash floods of emotion as you were at age 15? Over the years, haven’t you acquired wisdom about your reactive tendencies, and hasn’t that transformed them? I disagree with Thoreau. I say that for the person who wants to cultivate emotional intelligence, the heart sure as hell better be capable of gaining experience. What do you think, Sagittarius? If you’re aligned with my view, 2011 will educate and ripen your heart as never before. “We have to stumble though so much dirt and humbug before we reach home,” wrote novelist Herman Hesse. “And we have no one to guide us. Our only guide is homesickness.” That’s the bad news, Capricorn. The good news, according to my analysis, is that 2011 could very well be the year that your homesickness drives you all the way home. For best results, keep this tip in mind: To get the full benefit of the homesickness, you shouldn’t suppress it. Only by feeling it deeply, as a burning, grinding ache, will you be able to ride it all the way home.

AQUARIUS

VIRGO

PISCES

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

jonesin’

Africa is cracking open in preparation for the birth of a new ocean. The whole process will take 10 million years, but the first sign occurred in 2005, when a 37-mile-long fissure appeared in Ethiopia. Eventually, say geologists, the rift will grow enormous and fill up with seawater. I expect a metaphorically comparable development for you in 2011, Libra: the subtle yet monumental beginning of a new “ocean” you’ll be enjoying and learning from and dealing with for many years to come.

Biological diversity refers to the variety of life forms in any particular area, while cultural diversity measures the richness of social forms of expression. Then there’s biocultural diversity, which measures both together. Can you guess the places on the planet where biocultural diversity is highest? They’re Indonesia, Malaysia, Melanesia, the Amazon Basin, and Central Africa. I would love it if you had a chance to immerse yourself in environments like those in 2011, Leo. If you can’t manage that, find the next best thing. You will thrive by exposing yourself to a kaleidoscopic mix of human types and natural influences.

When I started my rock band World Entertainment War, I was guided by a vision of us having two lead singers, me and another person. Ultimately I chose a woman named Darby Gould as my collaborator. While I have decent skills as a vocalist, her talent is genius-level. I knew that our work together would push me to be at the top of my game and allow me to write ambitious songs that I didn’t have the chops to sing by myself. I’ve always been pleased with how that strategy worked. Would you consider giving yourself a similar challenge in 2011, Virgo? It’ll be the Year of Collaboration for you. Why not put yourself in a position to transcend the limitations you have when operating solely under your own power?

January 6-12, 2011

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

In the past, few dog shows allowed mutts to compete. Pure breeds were prized above all others. That’s changing, though, now that the American Kennel Club has opened up a new category just for mongrels. They won’t be judged by guidelines specific to a particular breed, but rather according to their natural talents. This shift in standards mirrors a comparable development in your world, Aquarius. In 2011, it’ll be easier to find success simply by being your mottled, speckled, variegated self. There’ll be less pressure for you to live up to standards of perfection meant for the pure breeds.

(Feb. 19-March 20)

“All your longings know where to go,” writes poet Nick Piombino, “but you have to tell them to open their eyes.” That’s one of your big assignments in 2010, Pisces: to make sure your longings keep their eyes open. It’s not as easy as it might sound. Sometimes your longings get so entranced by obsessive fantasies -- so distracted by the stories that are swirling around in your imagination -- that they’re blind to what’s right in front of them. You must speak to your longings tenderly and patiently, as you would a beloved animal, coaxing them to trust that life will bring more interesting and useful blessings than anything fantasy could provide.

Stumped? Find the solutions in the Classifieds pages.

Across 1 Recipe amt. 4 Less leafy, like a tree 9 Govt. group with a director 12 Evening, in France 13 “___ of Two Cities” 14 “I got you good on that one!” 15 ___ extra charge 16 Mail-in payment 18 Caught the villain, on the piano? 20 “The Waste Land” poet 21 How-___ (instruction guides) 22 In ___ (hurried) 25 Free letters in the “Wheel of Fortune” bonus round 27 Audrey Tautou role 28 Cole slaw left out in the sun, on the piano? 32 Pet for Harry Potter 35 Prince’s unpronounceable symbol, for one 36 Boxing match div. 37 Make a pop star eat the meat dress she wore, on the piano? 42 Person with phobias 43 Roots expose it 47 Combine 48 Getaway spot

51 Winter month, in Mexico 52 “Stayin’ Alive” is suddenly unhip, on the piano? 55 Rips to shreds 57 Sea eagle variety 58 Storyline paths 59 Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger, for one 60 Dipstick wipers 61 Bug 62 Full of lip 63 Sault ___ Marie Canals

Down 1 Wrecks (a car) 2 Encouragement to a vocalist 3 Woods’ field 4 Shakespeare, for one 5 Troubled 6 Filmdom’s “one man army” 7 Sewing machine inventor Howe 8 Like some generals: abbr. 9 2000s wireless company 10 Ltd., in the States 11 Mellow 12 Swashbuckler’s sword 14 Croatian capital 17 Second side in a game, perhaps

19 Sicilian volcano 23 Omen 24 Pay attention to 26 Painter Degas 27 Reacted to a trapeze artist 29 Taina of “The Mirror Has Two Faces” 30 “___ think so?” 31 Annenberg/___ (nonprofit behind educational programming) 32 “...long walk ___ short pier” 33 Stash stuff 34 Trace (to) 38 Substances that make paint set more quickly 39 Trait carriers 40 Gave the look to 41 Wheel covers 44 Be derisive to 45 “___ you glad I didn’t say ‘banana’?” 46 Indicates 48 Shade in old pictures 49 Rings out 50 Fuzzy ‘dos 53 Hiatuses 54 Court figure: abbr. 55 ___ chi 56 Mess up

buzz

January 6-12, 2011

the217.com

AND ANOTHER THING ...

by MICHAEL COULTER

Holy Pareidolia! Jesus sightings in unlikely places So, it’s a brand new year, and that’s just fine with me. I’ll remember 2010 much like a Wang Chung concert I went to in high school. It seemed really long, essentially pointless and ultimately just sort of sad. It’s nice to have it in the rearview mirror. While I’m not exactly certain the future will be blowing a ton of sunshine up our asses either, at least we can briefly look forward to a fresh start. Now that the year is over, it’s the time we can reflect back on the past 365 days. If nothing else, 2010 was a banner year for Jesus sightings, though I’m not sure if that’s a good sign or a bad sign. I would think that many folks seeing Jesus would be sort of okay. He’s loving and helpful and all that. Seeing him is a crapload of a lot better than seeing the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Mojo Nixon once had a song called “Elvis Is Everywhere,” and apparently Jesus was just like the “Big E” this past year. Everyday people saw the “J Man” all over the place. Granted, it wasn’t necessarily in person, but it’s still sort of weird. Let’s take a quick look back at some of the best Jesus sightings of 2010.

believe he may have even smiled back before I finished him off. It was the closest I’ve come to communion in years. Jesus was apparently very fond of the culinary arts last year, showing up in many food-like situations. He was seen in a frying pan in England, oddly taking the form of bacon grease. Some guy and his roommates were drinking heavily and, unsurprisingly, decided to cook up some bacon. I often tank up and cook bacon with my friends, so I should point out this isn’t as odd to me as it may be to others. Anyway, they fell asleep and awoke to a smoky room. They also awoke to a pan of burnt bacon with the head of Jesus formed in it. It either makes me want to find religion, eat more bacon or maybe both. If there was any way I could combine drinking, bacon and the Lord in 2011, I would be insanely thrilled. The Savior was in a piece of naan bread, as well, also in England. I saw a picture of it and I have to tell you, it was a stunningly good likeness. I mean, creepy good, like it really was a picture of Jesus in a freaking piece of bread. It was even sort of detailed. If I had seen it in person, it would have put the fear of God and the fear of flour in me at the same time. Still, I have to ask, why bread and why Jesus? I assume there’s some sort of Jesus master plan, and it seems weird that it Once I even thought I saw the Jesus would include showing up in a piece of it have been as big of a visage in the scotch that was pooling bread. Would story if it were Groucho Marx in a pancake or Abraham Lincoln in a pastry? I in the bottom of my rocks glass. I sure hope so, but I doubt it. smiled at him, and I believe he may Jesus was in Ohio a fair amount last have even smiled back before I finished year. A guy in Toledo discovered a piece of hard candy that resembled him off. It was the closest I’ve come to the Lord. He said he showed it to his buddies and they saw it, too. Wow, communion in years. sounds like a pretty big party over My personal Jesus highlight was in Australia in the buckeye state. Sadly and strangely, the on the front door of a pub. Some paint chipped town of Monroe, Ohio, also lost a Jesus, as their away and formed an image of Jesus with open 62-foot statue of him with both arms held up in arms. I could make out the image the patrons the air was hit by lightning and destroyed. The thought was Jesus, and I sort of hope it was statue was lovingly referred to as “Touchdown him. It makes a certain amount of sense. Why Jesus” and will really only be missed by people in would he show up at a church where every- Ohio. Ironically, they will probably still continue one is presumably already saved? A bar is a to be very good at football. far more logical venue for recruitment. Sure, it I guess it’s nice he’s around, even if he probably could have just been that he was thirsty, but I isn’t. It’s nice that people can make of it what they think he went hunting where he knew the hunt- will. Some folks think it is Jesus, others think it’s ing was good. just a flawed batch of bacon. It makes me wonder I should point out that I’ve often thought I saw if I should look a whole lot closer at my food in Jesus at drinking establishments. It’s usually just the coming year. How many times have I eaten some stinky hippie, and I’m generally fairly in- God without a second look? Sure, it seems like a toxicated, but a near Jesus sighting is almost as flawed way of communicating, but like I said begood as an actual one. Either way, I tell the same fore, I assume there’s some sort of master plan. I story afterward. Once I even thought I saw the intend to be more careful in the next year; a guy Jesus visage in the scotch that was pooling in the just can’t go around accidentally eating Jesus all bottom of my rocks glass. I smiled at him, and I the time.

buzz