Buzz Magazine: Feb. 10, 2011

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VOL9 NO6

FEBRUARY 10, 2011

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COMMUNITY When you’re done having sex, cool down with “Spittballin’� this week. It will be about ice sculpture; that’s why I told you to cool down. Because ice is cold.

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT Looking to fill some free time? Wanting to put a personal touch on your giftgiving? Be sure to check out buzz’s new craft column, online on Friday!

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FOOD & DRINK This Valentine’s Day, try cooking a romantic homemade meal for your lover.

In fact, try making it super fancy and cooking a homemade Taiwanese dinner!

Annie will give you some ideas in “Retaining Taiwanese Roots,� up Saturday.

MOVIES & TV How come federal lawman can’t be like John Wayne and just talk derisively of everyone they know anymore? Reviews of the second season of Justified start this Friday.

Reflexology This card is good for $10 off first time appointments. Not valid w/ other discounts or promotions.

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Songs that got us in the mood

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Blockbuster movies can make you feel frisky, too.

Are our Valentine’s Day songs too dirty, too intense, just too sexified? Check out an alternative playlist for a selection of toned down, love-making, mood-setting pieces of perfection, now online.

CALENDAR

15

Your guide to this week’s events in CU.

EDITOR’S NOTE BRAD THORP

Some of you are going not going to be happy with me when I say this, and for that I’m sorry, but do people even remember what their New Year’s resolutions were? I feel like I spent the whole second half of the year preparing resolutions for this coming year, but can’t for the life of me remember what they were. I mean, I have general ideas — being more active, reading more, pursuing creative outlets, — but I really do not know the parameters I set forth for myself. It’s only February, right? There doesn’t seem to be a good reason for me to be slacking already. But I have a strange feeling I’m not alone in this.

There was a lot of talk about resolutions through most of January. People were psyched!

For a good couple weeks you could actually see these goals being pursued. It was interesting watching people’s habits change slightly to reflect these goals but always kind of being aware that it was most likely going to be a short lived endeavor. That may sound cynical of me to say, but how many people do you know who are still actually sticking to their resolution? About the time that people stop talking about them is when people stop doing them. It quickly turns into a game of, “I hope they don’t remember I said I would do that.�

I am guilty of this almost every year. I can’t remember a year that I actually was able to accomplish a specific resolution I set out to do. As I said before, I would accomplish general ideas, but never the precise goal I had established. There has to be a better way to do this.

I think it might have to do with the amount of time we have allotted for these resolutions.

Maybe if we set small goals each month that would all be a part of the final resolution we would have more luck. There has to be a way!

For now, consider me withdrawn from the yearly resolution accountability group. It’s just not working out. Maybe I’ll set a resolution to be good at my new resolutions next year. Yeah, I could do that.

the217.com

DOIN’ IT WELL

FEBRUARY 10 - 16, 2011

BY JO SANGER AND ROSS WANTLAND

MUTUAL SIMULTANEOUS ORGENITALISM AKA, 69!

C

ouples — male/male, male/female , female/ female and every gender combination — may enjoy 69 for many reasons. 69 can be fun, help mix things up and offer a bit of excitement by trying something new. In fact, the novelty of it alone can be exciting, especially if it’s something new for one or both partners. It’s also one of those popular sexual positions we tend to hear about a lot in common discourse, so it can feel exciting to actually “do it.” But for those of us who aren’t acrobats … how does it work?

HEAD TO TAIL

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COVER DESIGN Adam Fabianski EDITOR IN CHIEF Brad Thorp MANAGING EDITOR Claire Keating ART DIRECTOR Annaka Olsen COPY CHIEF Emily Siner PHOTOGRAPHY EDITOR Ramzi Dreessen IMAGE EDITOR Peggy Fioretti PHOTOGRAPHERS Sean O’Connor, Eric Kwan DESIGNERS Sanny Lin, JoAnne Pierce, Olivia LaFaire MUSIC EDITOR Dylan Sutcliff FOOD & DRINK EDITOR Jeanine Russell MOVIES & TV EDITOR Matt Carey ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Lauren Hise COMMUNITY EDITOR Nick Martin CU CALENDAR Elisia Phua COPY EDITORS Drew Hatcher SALES MANAGER Carolyn Gilbert MARKETING/DISTRIBUTION Brandi Willis PUBLISHER Mary Cory

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The classic position is one person on top of the other with their bodies inverted, like that of 69. With each person’s face lined up with their partner’s genitals, they can simultaneously give each other oral stimulation, while also receiving pleasure from their partner! Some people report that, compared to one person is performing oral sex on the other at a time, the 69 position feels more intimate. This may be due to one person being positioned “on top” or above the other, with their butt facing their partners face and mouth.

This certainly is a more vulnerable position and can add to the excitement or feel uncomfortable.

If the person on top is heavier, they may not want to lie down on their partner with their full weight but, rather, support themselves above them using their knees and hands or elbows for support. The person on the bottom can hold their partner’s hips to help control movement to avoid gagging or suffocation.

Some couples prefer to lie next to each other, on their sides, inverted in the 69 position. This can take the pressure off either person needing to hold themselves above the other. They can use each other’s thighs as head rest as you perform oral delights on each other. This side by side position is also ideal if your 69 session lasts for awhile.

To keep things interesting, switch up the top and the bottom or move from lying on top of each other to lying side by side.

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We reserve the right to edit submissions. buzz will not publish a letter without the verbal consent of the writer prior to publication date. buzz Magazine is a student-run publication of Illini Media Company and does not necessarily represent, in whole or in part, the views of the University of Illinois administration, faculty or students. © ILLINI MEDIA COMPANY 2011

BELLY TO BELLY

While it can be hot to try a new position, the multi tasking aspect of 69 can take a while to finesse. When you’re focused on licking or sucking your partner, it takes away from you experiencing the pleasure your partner is giving you. Our tip?

Don’t take “simultaneous pleasure” so seriously.

Experiment with taking a break from moving your mouth to absorb the pleasure you are receiving. Then start up again with providing the stimulation yourself. It doesn’t have to be a race, either. Take your time and enjoy the experience. In fact, as your partner nears closer to orgasm, you might focus less on your own pleasure (and they on stimulating you). Aiming for simultaneous orgasm while 69-ing takes a ton of communication about how aroused both of you are. If you’re up for it, just make sure it remains fun and pleasurable.

And don’t feel bad if it doesn’t happen.

NOT ONLY ORAL

Mutual rimming (oral stimulation of the anus) can also be part of 69 play. Be sure to ask your partner if they are OK with this first, as the anus can be a “no zone” for people due to taboos about cleanliness, feces, homophobia, etc. And 69-ing doesn’t have to involve oral at all. While in the position, you can use fingers, hands and sex toys to stimulate your partner in addition to your mouth and tongue. This can be particularly helpful for couples who have a bigger discrepancy in height that makes simultaneous oral sex difficult.

READER FEEDBACK

We are thankful to have received some reader feedback about our column last week in which we discussed the rating change (from NC-17 to R) in the movie Blue Valentine, starring Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams. » UW wrote: “I haven’t seen the movie, but assuming you have, I’m surprised you describe the sex scene as ‘consensual’ and Michelle Williams’ character as ‘receiving pleasure.’ Based only on what I’ve read of the movie, it’s been described as non-consensual and bordering on rape because the Gosling character wants to have sex, Williams’ character doesn’t and he pressures her until she eventually gives in and goes along with it but looks uncomfortable and miserable through the whole thing. … Now it’s still fair to ask why other movies with coercive or rape scenes in them don’t also get the NC-17 rating. It may not be rape but according to reviews, it probably shouldn’t be described as a consensual pleasure-fest either.”

While we haven’t heard or read those reviews, we have heard that the scene is consensual and complex. We are eager to hear from readers who have seen the movie, to view it ourselves (it hasn’t been in any theaters in our community — surprise, surprise) and to continue the dialogue about the issues of sex and consent!

Send in your feedback to buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com or find us on Facebook at “Doin’ It Well!”

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Food & Drink

February 10 - 16, 2011

culinary titillation

the217.com

Debunking the aphrodisiac myth.

by Barb Davidson

I

t’s Valentine’s Day, and somehow you suckered some poor fool into a romantic evening with you. You suavely suggest that you will cook for them, planning a menu of strictly aphrodisiacs, substances said to evoke sexual desire within the consumer. Oysters, dark chocolate, lamb, ginseng, celery ­— a smorgasbord of hookup food awaits your prey … er, I mean date.

As your nerves begin to waver, you feel confident in your nonchalant use of sensual food as your wing(wo)man. Not only do you parade your domestic value, but you are also “creative’ and “thoughtful.” Congratulations.

Nevertheless, you are still not getting touched tonight.

Sorry to break it to you, Casanova, but it turns out that the idea of aphrodisiacs has been built on a series of falsehoods and faulty information over centuries. The word “aphrodisiac,” which stems from the name of the greek goddess of love, Aphrodite, is simply a fancy term for what has been written off as more of a placebo effect then actual, well, horniness.

Some foods that had absolutely no scientific proof of libido-boosting qualities got their aphrodisiac label by their exotic reputation. Until it became more familiar to our everyday cuisine, asparagus was served in mass quantities to the bride before her wedding night in 19th century France.

Back then, and even centuries earlier, the idea of an aphrodisiac was rooted in the quest for offspring. Marriage used to serve two central purposes: power and babies. Many cultures stuck to certain practices they felt increased fertility, such as consuming certain foods.

Egyptians and Medieval men were heavily biased towards honey, which both groups thought to cure sterility and weakness. This is the source for the common term “honeymoon.”

Other studies have more concrete evidence of the effects of food on your sexual prowess.

Chocolate, the candy that taunts spring break dieters from every store shelf before the big V-Day, is the age old go-to for aphrodisiacs. Chocolate has been found to contain a few substances that have

how it’s made

a positive effect on neurotransmitters, as well as the common benefits of caffeine.

However, none of it is directly related to scientific sensual feelings. Whether that translates into aphrodisiac-like effects is up to you.

Chemical makeup is not the only determining factor. Foods such as oysters, bananas, carrots and avocados have also been falsely accused of holding sexual energy. Their title of passion producer is based solely on their resemblance to sexual organs.

How’s that for a tasty phallic symbol?

So is there any food source that actual titillates directly? Most researchers say no. Foods are more likely to stimulate the same pleasure triggers in the brain that sexual endeavors do, but they do not directly affect the sexual epicenters of our bodies. The most promising candidates for actual aphrodisiacs are yohimbe, tribulus, and maca — all herbs. Never heard of them? That’s because they are

Foods you make but never get around to eating and twist slightly to let the excess chocolate fall back into the bowl (or your finger), and set on the waxed/parchment paper. Repeat with all the strawberries. If using the white chocolate, dip a fork into the chocolate and drizzle over the already dipped strawberries. Set aside until the chocolate has set, roughly 30 minutes.

Allergic to strawberries? Don’t like chocolate?

How about blood orange mimosas instead? A mimosa is essentially champagne or sparkling wine mixed with orange juice for a citrus twist and is very popular at brunch. Do I hear Valentine’s Day breakfast in bed, anyone?

Used with permission from shoothead and The Creative Commons

by Samantha Bakall It’s time for the folks with significant others to start planning cute things to do because it’s Valentine’s Day. Ready or not, hearts, pinks, reds, purples, chocolates, cupids, x’s and o’s, teddy bears and flowers are going to make their debut on shelves everywhere. Here are some ideas for culinary-inclined individuals to impress that foxy lady or dapper gent.

Chocolate-Covered Strawberries Nothing says “I love you” like a plate of succulent, sweet strawberries dipped in chocolate. Pour some drizzle on that for bonus points, baby. They also are a great food to feed someone.

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not ingested via meals but as an herbal supplement. All three are commonly found in natural male “enhancers.”

So to all those who thought they would get some based on cuisine, think again. Stick to more conventional choices such as low lighting and the soft serenade of Boyz II Men. If all else fails, pound a bottle of wine – that always makes you feel sexy, even if you are helpless.

» Strawberries » Milk or dark chocolate (as much or little as needed. Plus side of melted chocolate is that it’s edible, too) » White chocolate (optional, for drizzle) Start by washing and drying the strawberries very well, leaving the stems on. Place the milk/dark chocolate in a heat-proof bowl (white chocolate as well, if used, in a separate bowl) and microwave at medium power for a minute. Stir, and microwave again for another minute, or until fully melted.

Line a plate or cookie sheet with waxed or parchment paper. Take the strawberries by the stem and dip them into the chocolate. Then, lift

Mimosas » Your favorite champagne or sparkling wine » Fresh squeezed blood orange juice (or regular orange juice. But blood oranges are more festive) » Raspberries, for decoration (optional) Fill half of a champagne glass with the orange juice. Top off with champagne. Throw in a raspberry or two for decoration.

A non-alcoholic version of a mimosa is very easy, too. Replace the champagne or sparkling wine with ginger ale or club soda. Another option is to mix cranberry juice in for a festive look.

If all else fails, heart shaped pancakes are a great way to get in the mood, a good late night snack or breakfast in bed entree. Here is a recipe adapted from marthastewart.com for these cute breakfast cakes:

Heart-Shaped Pancakes » 1 cup all-purpose flour » 2 tablespoons sugar » 2 teaspoons baking powder » ½ teaspoon salt » 1 large egg, lightly beaten » 1 cup milk » 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted and cooled slightly Heat a griddle or pan until hot. While preheating, whisk flour, sugar, baking powder and salt in medium bowl. Add egg, milk and melted butter; whisk to combine. Batter should have small to medium lumps. If too watery, add an additional ¼ cup flour.

Grease the pan/griddle with butter, oil, cooking spray, or whichever method you prefer. Fill a plastic bag with the batter (if you have pastry bags, use those with a ¼ inch plain round tip) and cut one of the corners off for easy piping. Pipe a heart shape onto the pan and draw a V shape in the middle to fill. When pancakes have bubbles on top and are slightly dry around the edges, about 2 minutes, flip over. Cook until golden on the bottom, about 1 minute. Serve with syrup, Nutella or dust with powdered sugar.

If all else fails, box pancake mix can work just fine. Make sure it’s prepared a touch thicker than usual. The sweetheart will love you either way.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

the217.com February 10 - 16, 2011

There’s a pencil in my shoelaces.

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Places to wine and dine

Interior of Radio Maria. Photo by Sean O’Connor

by Monique Lassere Whether you treat Valentine’s day like a second Christmas or you solely enjoy the holiday because of the post-Valentine’s day half-priced Russel Stover’s chocolates, there’s always a way to enjoy it, whether you’re single, taken, just got paid or living on a budget. Anyone can say any particular holiday isn’t worth their time, but if the world designates days to celebrate your life and the people you love, there’s no harm and there’s every right in taking part of those festivities.

And the CU area is a good place to start if you’re looking to celebrate. Everywhere from the bars (Seven Saints) to cupcake shops (Cakes on Walnut) to restaurants (Radio Maria and Jim Gould) is delving into the holiday and offering a little something for everyone to enjoy.

If you’re looking for a traditional, refined Valentine’s day experience, Jim Gould might have what fits your senses. As owner Jim Gould said, his restaurant is one of those quintessential date spots, “when the lights are dimmed and the candles are lit you get the glow of the street lights and the warmth of our fireplace.”

The featured dish will be a seafood special — “seared halibut, which is a delicious meaty texture, mild flavored fish and pomegranate,” Gould said.

With the strolling violinist, it’s easy to see how romantic Jim Gould’s atmosphere is on this holiday, which Gould said is usually the scene of one or two marriage proposals.

Radio Maria offers a romantic setting, with a twist in cuisine by presenting a special tasting menu on the Friday and Saturday preceding Feb. 14, in addition to the actual holiday. Radio Maria’s holiday menu will feature a mix of ethnicities for your palette.

The menu is priced per person ranging in price from $55 to $90 per person — with or without regular or premier wine pairings. Corn chowder “ravioli,” Angus New York strip, lobster shumai and flour-less Gianduja chocolate cake are just

some of the featured dishes. With a menu that features a myriad of flavors and handcrafted décor, Radio Maria is the place for a romantic and creative Valentine’s date.

Cakes on Walnut is providing for those that want either a charming but simple holiday or something a bit more extravagant and interactive, as well as the Valentine’s day date you’ve only ever dreamed of. Sisters and owners of this cupcake shop, Amanda Bates and Trisha Sutton, definitely have Valentine’s Day cheer, and they’re using it to make the holiday accessible to everyone.

From their holiday-themed cupcakes to the couples baking class on Feb 13. and 14, to the ultimate “anything but ordinary” V-Day package that starts at $300 and includes whatever your imagination desires by help of a consultation, Cakes on Walnut has it all and wants you to as well. Affordable take-home gifts are also available, such as personalized cupcakes and jars of new imported British candies ranging from bonbons to chocolates.

Another alternative to the typical Valentine’s experience is that at Seven Saints. Sticking to their roots — cocktails and whiskey — the bar is taking a more relaxed approach to celebrating where, general manager Andy Borbely said, “the décor is very nice and the offerings and the selections is very nice but, you know, people can come in on a date and dress up or you can just come in in a T-shirt and jeans.”

The bar and restaurant will feature its regular menu but also some “date-friendly” cocktails and beers which are tailored to match some of the restaurants regular desserts, like the Southern Tier crème brûlée, (“a huge lady-friendly dark beer,” Borbely said) and the crème brûlée cheesecake or the raspberry chocolate martinis and chocolate cake.

When Valentine’s Day is made this easy to celebrate, it’s hard to sit back and not indulge in the sweet, savory festivities.

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THIS WEEK

February 10 - 16, 2011

KR ANNERT CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS

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THESE SPONSORS MAKE GOOD STUFF HAPPEN:

5pm

Krannert Uncorked

7:30pm

The African Company Presents Richard III

// Marquee

// Depar tment of Theatre

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Tango Buenos Aires: Fire and Passion of Tango Sylvia and Thomas Dunning

Tango Buenos Aires: Fire and Passion of Tango // Marquee

Interval: Ball in the House Anonymous

FR FEB 11

Noon

Interval: Ball in the House

7:30pm

The African Company Presents Richard III

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// Depar tment of Theatre

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12th Annual 21st Century Piano Commission Award Concert // School of Music

Marvin Hamlisch: Broadway’s Greatest Moments

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The African Company Presents Richard III // Depar tment of Theatre

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Marvin Hamlisch: Broadway’s Greatest Moments // Marquee

SU FEB 13

3pm

The African Company Presents Richard III // Depar tment of Theatre

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Rochelle Sennet, piano

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TU FEB 15

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UI New Music Ensemble

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WE FEB 16

7pm

Student Playwrights Outreach Theatre (SPOT) // Depar tment of Theatre

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UI Wind Orchestra

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the217.com February 10 - 16, 2011

Do your parents know you’re reading this?

movies

...to get you in the mood Wild Things

Borat

(1998): Remember when Denise Richards was attractive? Remember when Neve Campbell had a career? Remember when they had a threesome with Matt Dillon in the movie Wild Things? The overall is awful with terrible acting and a convoluted plot that expects audiences to follow twists that are apropos to nothing that happened before, but that one sex scene will get you hot and bothered. After it is revealed that our three leads were involved in a ruse that hopes to steal money from Denise Richards’ well off mother, the trio decides to try out a threesome armed with nothing but champagne and their burning loins. Just when you think this movie is going to jump from Hollywood production to softcore porn, the film skips to the next scene. It’s a shame, too, because I was really looking forward to watching those three do naked stuff.— Matt Carey

(2006): Light the candles, dim the lights, my girl and I are watching Borat.

I’m lucky if I can make it through the entire movie before getting too into the “mood.” It’s like natural Viagra, and the same rule applies: if your erection last longer than 36 hours, please call a doctor. If there is one turn-off in the film, it’s Pam Anderson, but beyond that, what is not to like? Now, I must say I do think that the filmmakers lay it on thick with the mankini and naked wrestling, but no one can deny that the prostitute he brings to the party isn’t smokin’. If none of this does it for you, then just think that in real life Sasha Baren Cohen is with Isla Fisher, and she is looking way too good. — Jefferson Badger

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A Classic Movie Experience

Serving beer, wine, and mixed drinks.

Week of Friday, Feb 04 - Thursday, Feb 10 Used with permission from Twentieth Century Fox

Another Year (PG-13) Fri -Sun: (4:00), 7:00 PM Mon -Thu: 7:00 PM The Room (R) $5 Late Night Show Fri & Sat: 10:00PM Mon: 10:00 PM Thu: 10:00 PM Opera: Rigoletto in Mantua (NR) Digital Presentation Sat & Sun: 12:00 PM

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...that ruin the mood Selena (1996): When I was given the task of identifying a movie that, for me, kills any sort of romantic mood, I immediately thought of two words: Jennifer Lopez. Now, don’t get me wrong. I find the bootylicious American Idol judge to be very appealing, but one of her movies is the ultimate romance killer for me. The movie in question is, of course, Selena: yes, the biopic about the rise and tragic fall of Mexican pop star Selena Quintanilla-Perez. Anyone watching this movie with me can be one hundred percent sure they won’t get any action afterwards because I will be far too busy sobbing. I weep every time I watch Selena. Like, heaving, wailing, out of control crying. Once, in high school Spanish class, I had to excuse myself from the room because we were watching Selena, and I didn’t want to have an emotional breakdown in front of my classmates.

I’m not kidding. I think I would slap someone who watched this sobfest with me and then wanted to get frisky. ­­—Andy Herren

Harold and Maude (1971): Never has there been a romance film that has left me so turned off than Harold and Maude. The dark 1971 film is about a teenage boy with a bizarre obsession with death who finds romance in the most unlikely and unsexiest of places—an 80-year-old woman with a unique flare for life. I may be part of a minority that doesn’t like this movie, but I defy anyone to tell me that they were not made uncomfortable and perverted during this movie. Seeing young Harold and old-balls Maude lying in bed together with just the sheets covering them made me wince in awkwardness more than when I saw Bruno waving his magic stick around on screen for 30 seconds. If you’re looking for one of the most interesting movie-watching experiences you can find, look no further than Harold and Maude. But if you’re looking for that one movie that will put you and your significant other in the mood, stay as far away from this one as you possibly can. — Jeremy Kogan

$ 5.75 BARGAIN TWILIGHT D A I LY 4 : 0 0 - 6 : 0 0 P M * excludes Digital 3D & Fathom events

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Used with permission from Dreamworks

Revolutionary Road (2008): Adultery. Abortion. Shattered dreams.

Suburbia. Whininess. These are all things to avoid when hoping to get some action on movie night. Revolutionary Road is mind-numbingly depressing, so it’s an illogical pick for movie night anyway, but this goes out as a warning to anybody who thinks watching the second Kate and Leo movie will get them laid. It won’t. Very few things can ruin the mood like Kate Winslet bleeding out after she tries to give herself an abortion. Also unappealing are screaming matches and awkward car sex. There is one slightly stimulating sex scene on a kitchen counter, but it’s over really quickly. Sad married sex aside, the biggest turn-off in this movie is the portrayal of a self-absorbed, nagging wife. No woman is going to be in the mood after watching a movie that sets feminism back by so many years. Then again, maybe your girl has a fantasy about being a miserable ’50s housewife. If that’s the case, rent it. — Katharine O’Brian

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11:00, 1:05, 3:10, 5:15, 7:20, 9:25 FRI/SAT LS 11:30 GNOMEO AND JULIET (G) LIGHTS UP SOUND DOWN: SAT. 9:15 AM 11:10, 1:00, 2:50, 4:45, 6:45, 8:45 FRI/SAT LS 10:45 S RABBIT HOLE (PG-13) 12:30, 2:40, 4:50, 7:05, 9:15 FRI/SAT LS 11:35 JUST GO WITH IT (PG-13) 11:40, 2:15, 4:55, 7:30, 10:05 S 11:05, 1:40, 4:15, 6:50, 9:25 FRI/SAT LS 12:00 S 3D SANCTUM (R) $2.50 PREMIUM PER 3D TICKET 11:30, 2:00, 4:30, 7:00, 9:35 FRI/SAT LS 12:05 S THE ROOMMATE (PG-13) OPEN CAPTION: SAT. 9:00 AM 1:00, 3:10, 5:20, 7:35, 9:45 FRI/SAT LS 11:55 THE RITE (PG-13) 4:45, 7:30 THE MECHANIC (R) 7:10, 9:30 FRI/SAT LS 11:50 127 HOURS (R) FRI, SUN-WED 1:45, 4:00, 9:00 SAT 9:00 THE 1:45, 4:00 NO STRINGS ATTACHED (R) 12:15, 2:45, 5:05, 7:30, 9:55 THE GREEN HORNET (PG-13) 9:50 S THE KING’S SPEECH (R) 11:15, 1:50, 4:25, 7:00, 9:35 TRUE GRIT (PG-13) 11:50, 2:20, 4:55, 7:20 BLACK SWAN (R) 11:45, 2:20, 10:00 FIGHTER (R) FRI, SUN-WED 11:10, 6:15 FRI/SAT LS 11:20 SAT 6:15 TH 11:10 TANGLED (PG) 11:55, 2:10, 4:35

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buzz

7

MUSIC

February 10 - 16, 2011

Sex With the Locals by the buzz music staff

M

ost bands’ inception probably came from sex. What choice does a high schooler have other than to put all of his/her misunderstood sexual rage into a guitar, piano or inexperienced poetry? That’s why we decided to do a survey of the local bands in CU for their deepest, darkest secrets that lie beyond the lyrics and in their tortured, rock ‘n’ roll souls. Check out the217.com/ music for all of their full interviews! » What’s your best sexual fantasy?

Brendan Summers of Vanattica: I want to have sexual relations with Whitney Houston on Broadway in NYC whilst Jeremy Piven watches from a distance shouting obscenities at me to do better. » Anything else that you’d like printed in the issue that deals with sex?

Vanattica: Being in a band doesn’t get you chicks; being good does. Suck it. » What’s the craziest sexual experience you’ve had relating to music. Ever hooked up with a stranger at a show or anything?

The Dirty Feathers: We did make a couple girls pass out at one of our shows. I think they were drunk. I’d like to think it was the power of the display of five fit men. One time I winked at our bass player. I don’t think he liked it, though. One of our shows, someone threw underwear on stage.

8

buzz

the217.com

buzz interviews CU’s local bands about the art of romance

Both a girl and a boy. ... The woman’s underwear was kind of sexy, but the men’s underwear was whitie tighties. » Have you ever written a song that you wouldn’t want to show to your mother?

The DF: I’ve not written a song I wouldn’t want to show to my mother, but I certainly aspire to. » What’s sexier — fully naked or some level of in between?

The DF: I like some level of in between. I like to have some mystery. Somewhere between just a sock and a full burqa. Business socks are not sexy, though. » Have you had to deal with stalker fans?

Vivian McConnel of Grandkids: I play at Potbelly’s and I always have strange fans. ... There was this Swedish guy who told me that people would really like me in Sweden, and then he left a bunch of philosophies and weird drawings in my guitar case. Now they’re tattoos on my back. » Would you date a fan?

Evan Metz of Grandkids: Yeah, we have a small dating pool because we’re so weird and it’s hard to find people who want to date us. I think that’s also because after a show, people don’t want to ask us out because we hug after the show. It’s like a really sensuous group hug with lots of rubbing.

There’s definitely band chemistry. » Have you ever had a crazy sexual partner?

Hot Cops: I had one, while in the dorms, who enjoyed having sex when her roommate was sleeping. She was definitely an exhibitionist, liked to scream so others outside of the dorm room could hear. Those two situations are separate incidents.

[She was] fun and batshit. » If you had to do it in one position for the rest of your life, what would it be?

HC: Zero gravity. Or Spiderman position, being supported by some sort of crane. » What’s the weirdest place you’ve ever done it?

HC: I’d say against the north side of the English building. My girlfriend and I had only been going out about two months so we were still in a very hot and bothered honeymoon way and, after a night like any other night at Murphy’s, we left early and she pinned me against the building took off my pants and got on me. » What is your greatest sexual fantasy?

Tim Reynolds and Nick Bethune of Horrible Things: There would definitely be a memory foam mattress, because you have to be comfortable. Afterwards, there would definitely have to be fruit crepes and pancakes. It would probably have to take place in the Mediterranean, near water. » What would you consider a great pick up line?

Tim Reynolds: Make eye contact with and just licking lips. It’s initiating sex without talking, it’s

just body language. It’s an international sign, and I love girls in all zip codes! » What role does sex play in the music you make in Leonard Hatred?

Leonard Hatred: It has a lot actually. In fact, our genre is sex-deprived local hardcore. … Our music is so brutal because we are compensating for something. » Being from the United Kingdom, how have you found the American version of sex to differ from the British version?

LH: There is more romance in England, but here is more like, “Yeah, I fucked her last night.” » If you could bang one person from any band who would it be?

LH: See, this was the point I was making. In England, in, say, a parallel universe, your English version of you would be asking me, “What would your ideal date for a girl be?” instead of, “Who would you bang?”

But it’s got to be a day full of activities but actually doing nothing. So, it’d be just like hanging out and messing about, taking horny photos, watching a film. » So, what musical artist would you bring on this date?

LH: That girl from Edward Sharpe. Jade something. To me she seems really pretty, although loads of people say she looks like a man. Yeah, she just like wears a cool dress and doesn’t wear any shoes while performing.

the217.com February 10 - 16, 2011

Hippie Death Cult Sunshine

I’m Talking Down Town Our selections of the best sex songs ever by buzz staff

W

hy do musical artists like strippers so much? Like, do you think a lot of them would choose to date a stripper when it came down to it? There are preschool teachers who can be just as kinky as strippers, and just as ready and able, but they are hardly ever talked about.

Basically what I’m saying is, what kind of person do you have to be to actually believe these songs, where everyone is doing coke out of butt holes and walking about slob’n on nobs? The people who work at buzz, that’s who. These are all of our favorite sexual songs.

“My Neck, My Back” —­Khia

by Dylan Sutcliff So one time I was at a strip bar — not saying which, don’t want to play favorites — and there was this one named Saffire, like woah! I nearly burst out right then, but I held in it. I know how to handle strippers, I played it cool. So we go back to my house after her shift and she started dancing on my pole (I have a stripper pole, don’t get ahead of yourself). But she started to do moves that I ain’t never seen before. They had names like “The Tire Tracks,” “The Cymbal Squeeze,” “Mexican Halloween” — it was flat out amazing.

Then, “My Neck, My Back” comes on and it was like she caught on fire. She just started shaking uncontrollably and screaming “MY NECK! MY BACK!” over and over like it was the end of the world. Immediately I began hitting her with a broom handle thinking she was being electrocuted somehow, but she wouldn’t stop! After what seemed like forever, the song ended and she laid back and said, “Phew, that song always gets me in the mood.” Then we fucked, but I’d NEVER do it again.

“What’s Your Fantasy” — Ludacris

by Jeremy Linn You did it. You’re on top of the world. After the hustle and bustle of the workday, what better way to cap off the night than to hire some hookers, do a few lines and enact your deepest desires? Ludacris captures this moment at its best: “I wanna get you in the back seat windows up/ That’s the way you like to fuck, clogged up fog alert/ Rip the pants and rip the shirt, ruff sex make it hurt/ In the garden, all in the dirt.” No regrets till the morning after.

“Ignition (Remix)” – R. Kelly

by Michael Tokoph “Ignition” is one of the best songs to seduce only the classiest of sluts. You’ll recognize her if you look for a girl with facial piercings, a drink in her hand, a partially visible tattoo, a beer stain down the back of her dress, and a broken high-heeled shoe. Heavy intoxication is highly recommended.

A “kneeling rear-entry” position is suitable for this situation.

“Play (Dirty)” — David Banner

by Dylan Sutcliff At one time I was kind of a loser with girls, but you’d never know it now that I get so much ass every night. So here’s a few sexrets that I’ll fill you in on. First off, you have to eat every meal at Applebee’s. Now, that may seem stupid at first, but you know that there isn’t a girl alive who’s going to turn down their signature Applebeetini.

And you should also know that a lot of women are looking to stay lean, so as soon as they see you walk up with a Skinnybee Margarita, you’re getting at least a handy in the bathroom. The next step is: become best friends will all of the waitresses at Applebee’s. Waitresses get all the juicy gossip from table to table and when they hear that some fresh piece is looking for some sugar, then they hook you up. The final step, have “Play (Dirty)” by David Banner on your cell phone for once you get into the bathroom with that sugar.

Lock the door, put your phone on the sink and blast it as high as those tinny speakers will allow.

She’ll be so impressed that she’s bound to come back to your Rent-A-Space and not notice where she is until morning.

“The Bad Touch” — Bloodhound Game

by Carrie McMenamin 1999 was a year for discovery. All of us 7- to 12-year-olds were learning about concepts we’d never heard, hearing what seemed to be alien vocabulary and having much discussion content for recess. Bloodhound Gang and their song “The Bad Touch” is to credit. Nuts, the Discovery Channel and “doin’ it” all came together in one big song of confusion and excitement. We sang the words and barely grasped it’s meaning, yet we all knew that it was about sex. In a way, it was probably the very beginning of a long journey for all of us…

“Slob on my Knob” — Three 6 Mafia

by Matt Golden “Slob on my Knob” is the hood anthem for all you young gang bangers out there tryna hit for the night. Please do not play this song in the presence of any self-respecting woman that you care about or would consider having a healthy relationship with. Two verses in and she will take one look at you and question why she ever agreed to get in your father’s old pickup truck with you in the first place.

Rather, this song is for the dirtiest hood rat you can drag off the street corner after all the mid-ranged hookers left hours ago. With classic lines such as “Slob on my knob like corn on the cob” and “First find a mate, then find a place, then find a bag to hide the ho face,” you really can’t go wrong.

“Toot It and Boot It” — YG

by Maisie Sackett Despite the deceptive word choice, “toot” actually refers to the act that two people engage in when they are deeply in love, or in this case, just horny. In bumping to this song you will send a message that this is going to be a one-time thing, and that their immediate departure posttoot is necessary. And don’t forget to make ‘em feel stupid.

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buzz

9

arts & entertainment

February 10 - 16, 2011

If Vaginas could talk

the217.com

The famous collection of monologues returns

by Ellen Guirl

and children trying to get away from abuse.

“The show works as a good reminder of what is happening out there,” said Abisola Ariwoola, a third year performer. “Every time I hear the monologues, I take something new from them.”

Saying nothing but praise about their cast and the show, co-directors Carly Scheinbaum and Kim Wanous have been members of the V-Day campaign for three years, starring and directing in each production.

“I started with no knowledge, really, but through the show, I have become more confident in myself and a stronger person,” said Wanous. “It’s a great place for women to congregate and talk. It’s great to meet new people for a good cause. It’s also a lot of fun.”

Both Scheinbaum and Wanous encourage all — men, women, moms, dads, grandparents — to come out and see the show.

“People should leave with a feeling of awe,” said Scheinbaum. “[They should] take something from the inspiring stories, should feel more respect for women.”

Ultimately, it is a chance to feel connected to a cause, whether you do or do not have a vagina.

“Everyone can take away something,” said Wanous. “I want them to walk away after having

also buy them at the door for $10 — or just to help donate to the cause, there will be a booth outside the Illini Union during the week prior to the show. You can also purchase chocolate vaginas and talk to the dedicated cast members.

The week after the show, the members of the cast will also be raising money by selling T-shirts and chocolates.

This year’s cast includes: Mada Larson, Allison Palmer, Victoria Davis, Madeline Unger, Laxmi Shastry, Jen Rowley, Victoria Winner, Dawn Albertson, Cast of The Vagina Monologues (2009). Photo submitted by Laura Grace Ona Wang, Raquel Levy, Lihy Epstein, laughed, cried. I want them to have goosebumps.” Arianna Rudawski, Abril Edwards, Tia Taylor, In addition to the spotlight skit, the other skits, Lydia Rowe, Sarah Phillips, Ngozi Emuchay, even though they may be familiar, have the Abisola Ariwoola, Jacqui Batts, Danielle chance of being reinterpreted by new people as Mitchell, Sara Gillman, Rebeka Andrews, Lauren they carry out the powerful narrations.

Wash and Kaitlynn Kelly.

“It’s the women’s stories that keep me coming back,” said Ariwoola.

Perhaps this is because all the stories told at The Vagina Monologues Gregory Hall Stage, 810 S. Wright St., U. The Vagina Monologues are true, not fictionalized or dramatized to make them more than they are.

When: Friday, Feb. 11, and Saturday, Feb. 12, at The stories come from real women, interviewed 7:30 p.m. Also, Sunday, Feb. 13, at 2 p.m.

by Ensler, all around the world, making each TICKETS: $8 in advance. $10 at the door story unique.

To pick up tickets in advance for $8 — you can

briefbox

I

t’s a point of view that no one ever really gets the chance to hear, except at this show. It’s the voice of the vagina, and it’s embraced without shame or shyness in The Vagina Monologues. The annual performance will again be gracing the Gregory Hall stage on Friday, Feb. 11, and Saturday, Feb. 12, at 7:30 p.m. and Sunday, Feb. 13, at 2 p.m. The play, created

by Eve Ensler in 1996, is made up of a variety of skits embracing and explaining topics such as sex, love, rape, mutilation, masturbation, gender equality, birth and, of course, the orgasm. The performance itself is an eye-opening piece for both the audience and for the members of its cast.

The charity event is not just a funny set of acts; it is a means of speaking out about hard topics, such as the sexual violence many women live with every day.

Each year, there is a new monologue and a new focus for the collection of speeches and stories.

Therefore, even if you have seen the show before, it is always a new experience. This show is one of the rare shows that cannot be overplayed.

This year, proceeds from the productions will be given to the female activists in Haiti, where there has been a surge in violence . The money will also be donated to the Center for Women in Transition in Champaign, a shelter for women

Performing on the pole

by Joseph Lewis

Pole dancing usually conjures images of a scantily-clad woman gracefully twisting down a large metal pole or a woman suspended in air by wrapping her legs tightly around the pole, leaning backwards toward the audience. While these images may have basis in culture, pole dancing isn’t always recognized for the art, dedication or physical strength that goes into the strenuous form of expressive dancing.

When Britton Tanner, now a dancer at Dancers Show Club in Indianapolis, was looking for a way to earn money and lose weight, she began dancing at clubs. It was then that she tried pole dancing.

“First trick I did was a basic spin, where I kick my leg up and fall,” said Tanner. “I did it once and realized — this is kind of fun.”

Intrigued with the pole tricks, Tanner began watching other dancers at clubs to see what they did. She also watched YouTube videos of professional pole dancers and appreciated the caliber of tricks that can be learned.

Currently, Tanner apprentices under a pole dancing instructor, learning tricks and maneuvers.

Dancer Britton Tanner talks about the demanding sport They practice on a pole in her instructor’s home.

Many of the tricks require flexibility, incredible upper body and core strength and diligent practice.

Even with proper stretching, strength training and practice, pole dancers are prone to many injuries.

Tanner cited an incident where a woman, during a routine trick, fell from a foot above the ground, broke her neck and became paralyzed.

“The trick she was doing, I pretty much do every day,” said Tanner. “It’s scary to think of her falling from a foot. I usually dance on a 12foot pole.”

Although there are dangers with pole dancing, Tanner is just one member of a growing movement that promotes pole dancing as a serious sport of gymnastics and grace.

One organization, the United States Pole Dancing Federation, was established in 2008 to begin fair, judged competitions for pole dancers, according to its website. Competitions held in clubs were typically judged by audience reaction, whereas

the federation has a panel of judges who vote on the competitors with an educated scoring system, giving the competitors a fair advantage.

“The direction is to get pole dancing into the Olympics,” said Tanner. “All the other countries in the Olympics have pole dancing as a sport; it’s big everywhere else.”

One issue confronting pole dancing is the sexual stigmas it carries, such as the use of pole dancing throughout strip clubs. Tanner said that the sexual aspect of pole dancing is misinterpreted.

“If you were to spend time around me or my friends, [sexuality] has nothing to do with pole dancing,” Tanner said. “It’s completely for sport.”

Even though pole dancing is gaining momentum in the United States as a popular form of exercise and is being considered as a serious sport of endurance and expression, it still has many social barriers to pass through before it will be socially accepted.

“I guess if you have never been around people who are really into it, you are going to think of it like everyone else does,” Tanner said. “The United States is not very open-minded.”

Used with permission from Britton Tanner

10

buzz

the217.com February 10 - 16, 2011

That’s a good yoke.

Dammit Janet

)'('

BEST WOMEN’S CLOTHING STO RE

CIRCLES BOUTIQUE

Used with permission from Twentieth Century Fox

Get ready to do the “Time Warp” at Rocky Horror

by Amanda Burger while still abiding by the Canopy’s rules: no open flame, no throwing food at the screen, etc. And, of course, audience participation includes yelling things at the screen.”

These goodie bags will be available at the door for $5. To add yet another layer of fun to the evening, there will also be a shadow cast performing at the screening.

“Shadow casts are fairly typical at Rocky Horror showings, where people dress up, get on stage and act out the scenes in front of — or sometimes behind — the movie,” said Cerezo. “For this particular screening, we will be joined by the Titanic Players from Millikin University.”

Even better, money earned from this event and its tomfoolery is going to be put towards funding a new venture, Café Extraordinaire.

“It’s a new venture that Psychic Joker is working on,” said Cerezo. “It’s a performance space and gathering place we hope to open in downtown Champaign later this year. We want to have a modest-sized, well-equipped open stage to showcase local talent, and we’ll combine that with a cafe for studying, gaming and general hanging out late into the night.”

Make sure to make this cult classic a stop on you Valentine’s Day weekend, and as Cerezo said,“Don’t forget to dress up!”

briefbox

Ladies and gentlemen, get ready to don your best fishnets, heels and leather. This Saturday, Feb. 12, at 11 p.m. The Rocky Horror Picture Show will be landing at The Canopy Club with the time warp all set to take Urbana by storm. Tickets are $10 in advance and $12 at the door.

For those who haven’t seen it, The Rocky Horror Picture Show is a British classic rock musical about a couple that find themselves in the middle of an unconventional gathering of people after their car breaks down. The stage version of the show was adapted into a film in 1975, which stars Susan Sarandon, Barry Bostwick and Tim Curry as a transvestite. Ever since, the film has been considered a campy cult classic.

“Rocky Horror got its cult following probably because ... Well, it’s kind of a bad movie,” said Lisa Cerezo, the brains behind Psychic Joker, the local entertainment company that organized the event. “People thought the movie was so strange that they started talking back to the screen in the theaters, and this basically grew into a kind of organized heckling.”

This “organized heckling” is something that past viewers of The Room should already be familiar with. However, if you haven’t attended this kind of screening before, never fear. You are sure to catch on fast and can even check out RockyHorror.com for directions.

“Audience members do a lot more than sit when they go to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show,” said Cerezo. “Goodie bags filled with fun things for audience participation are sold at most of the screenings. Ours will have water guns, newspapers, toast, toilet paper — basically, everything you’ll need to have a great experience

The Rocky Horror Picture Show

SUN., MAY 8 6:30 DOORS

FROM 8AM TO 5PM AT ASSEMBLY HALL BOX OFFICE. (CASH ONLY) $6 STUDENT DISCOUNT PUBLIC SALE SATURDAY, FEB. 12 AT NOON

SPECIAL

ILLINOIS TODAY! STUDENT PRESALE

Tickets available at the Assembly Hall Box Office, all Ticketmaster outlets including ticketmaster.com or charge by phone at 217/333-5000. www.uofiassemblyhall.com

The Canopy Club, 708 S. Goodwin Ave., U. When: Saturday, Feb. 12. Doors open at 11 p.m.

Show at 12 a.m.

TICKETS: $10 in advance, $12 at the door

buzz

11

February 10 - 16, 2011

the217.com

the sexiest list of sexy sex positions

New sexual positions dare to breech the last threshold of avant-garde

by Maggie Puniewska

THE BILLY JOEL One individual casually muses on the piano while another simultaneously performs oral sex — only a coincidence that in acronym form, this situation becomes the BJ. » Recommended for: Music enthusiasts and minors stuck at Nana’s house (Senior citizens always have a piano somewhere.)

Y

ou’ve done them all. Reverse cowgirl, doggy style, lobster style, outside in the bushes of your apartment style.

What about missionary? Bitch, please! You do that as a cool down! If sex connoisseur describes your penetrative abilities, I have crafted up some positions for you — the Lewis and Clarks, the Magellans, the Columbuses of intercourse. Boats and hos! Check out the following sexual antics, followed by suggestions of when and for whom they will prove most beneficial.

THE NEW YORK CITY MANHOLE COVER A woman manually stimulates a man with her hands; before the man can ejaculate, she covers his “manhole” and throws the spurts of semen into his eyes. » Recommended for: Mean people, plumbers, New York City natives

Intoxicourse The simple act of engaging in intercourse while inebriated. Can result in liberation. Also loss of dignity. » Recommended for: Horny persons crippled by social anxiety and women who like to wake up next to men they don’t know. Also individuals wanting to appear on Maury.

THE DAVID BLAINE

THE BULGARIAN SWAN DIVE

AP STYLE

A woman blindfolds a man. She proceeds to perform fellatio. A couple minutes into the act, her friend steps in and takes over. After the man finishes he takes off the blindfold only to see a different woman than had begun. » Recommended for: Amateur magicians and sorority sisters who both want to blow the same bro and thus agree to share

Needed: two beds. Hotel room is the perfect location. A woman lies on the edge of a bed, legs spread. A man stands on the edge of the other bed and attempts to dive his manhood into her womanhood. » Recommended for: Animal lovers and persons who have always wanted to become an acrobat but lack of skill or fear of loss of masculinity have impeded them

When you spot a cute, single, witty writer, you are overcome by a sense of passion and libido. Sweep her up, and proceed to procreate all over the Illini Media building. This is all done while maintaining perfect grammar. » Recommended for: Oh, I’m sorry. This isn’t a classified ad?

Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about sex

and consequently found the courage to ask

by Jessica Bourque and Lauren Hise Let’s be honest: College kids can be pretty clueless when it comes to pursuing or maintaining a relationship. In the college realm, there seem to be more one-night stands, booty calls and drunken hook-ups than there are healthy relationships, and even those lucky enough to find love still have their problems. buzz sat down with UIUC sex communication instructor Bradley Bond to give some guidance. » buzz: What is a common mistake people make when showing someone they are attracted to them?

Bradley Bond: Over-thinking! I think that is the number one thing people do with regards to flirtation, at least when it comes to college students.

One of the things we tend to see people do, according to research, is over-think everything. ...

You have this long list of things that are qualifiers or things that you have to think about before you approach someone, and that tends to be an obstacle in effective communication. What you should do is just go with your instincts when it comes to any kind of social attraction instead of taking into consideration the “what about…” and “what if…”

Not to say that those things should never come into play in a relationship, but certainly not in the initial interaction. » buzz: What is a healthy amount of sex for someone to have with a boyfriend/girlfriend?

BB: How much sex someone should be having is actually really interesting because that is where you get into a lot of different factors. Things like religiosity certainly play a large role. Parental upbringing and parental education are highly cor12

buzz

related with whether or not you are having sex before you’re married or how often you’re having sex. Also, it really depends on the person and how much you are communicating. ... Often times we don’t [have the same expectations], and when we don’t, we don’t share. » buzz: What do you think is important to help maintain a long-distance relationship?

BB: What is typically lacking in a long-distance relationship is sexual intimacy. I mean, you clearly can’t be intimate with someone who is five states away. Now, with video chat, you can see someone’s facial expressions when you’re talking and pick up on a lot of those cues that you would miss otherwise. The research is showing that this kind of technology is helping people maintain longdistance relationships. It is also important to talk about things that you would talk about if you still lived together. You know, all the little things, like something a professor said that pissed you off. A lot of people think they have to concentrate on the important stuff, but really you want to talk about those little dreary day-to-day things because it keeps that intimacy engaged. » buzz: If you are infected with a STD (sexually transmitted disease), how do you tell your significant other?

BB: It should definitely be casual. That is actually a really important thing. The worst thing someone can do is have that very serious situation where you say something like “You need to come over, and we need to sit down…” You don’t want to talk about it like it’s the revolution in Egypt. I mean, it’s not that important with regards to your relationship. It’s something that you don’t want to make

more important than it is. So the best way to communicate about STDs is through comfortable, casual communication. Literally, you are having dinner together and you’re talking about the little things that happened during your day, you know, “I saw someone fall on the ice, I went to class, I had to do this interview, and I went to the health center…” and then bring it up in conversation that way.

It is also important that you Bradley Bond, a T.A in the Department of Communications. Photo by Eric Kwan understand enough about the infection that you can answer questions. It’s a very bad idea to be told new friend or activity that they are really involved

by McKinley that you have gonorrhea and then to in and don’t want you to be a part of, that’s not immediately then go tell your partner. Then your a sign of cheating but certainly a predictor that partner will have questions like, “Where do you there is distance growing in the relationship. Acthink you got it? Is it treatable? How long will you tually, less openness about attraction to others have it? Am I going to get it?” If you don’t know can sometimes be an interesting sign. This rethe answers, then you will probably start to panic! lies on the idea that when you’re out with your The best idea is to wait until you are comfortable boyfriend and he is willing to say in front of you, enough — and by comfortable I also mean edu- “That girl is kind of hot,” that actually tends to cated enough — with the disease to share that be a good sign. It shows that your relationship information with your partner. is in tune enough that he is comfortable shar» buzz: What kinds of signs or red flags can some- ing that information with you. If he stops sharing one watch for to tell whether or not their significant that information with you, then that’s because other has been cheating? he perceives that you won’t trust him because BB: Change in routine is often something people now there is a reason not to trust him. But again, consider when thinking about whether or not if you think your partner is cheating on you, the there is infidelity in a relationship. ... If there is a best thing is open communication.

the217.com

Act now. It's not too late.

FEBRUARY 10 - 16, 2011

TEDDY BEARS, BUNNY RABBITS AND EARTH-SHATTERING ORGASMS A probing look into the fetish of furry-dom

by Scott Cohen

I

thought I had learned everything there is to know about obscure sexual fetishes at a street festival one summer in San Francisco. The Dore Alley Street Fair, which takes place at the end of July every year, was created because the city’s world-famous Folsom Street Fair had become “too tame” — or at least that’s what I was told by a shirtless, hirsute man donning black spandex pants and a spiked collar.

He then began to point at various people in the crowd while casually naming each one: “Leather, rubber, transvestite, cut-off jeans, urine (don’t be fooled by what’s in his cup), feet, piercings, exhibitionist, furry — and pretty much everyone here is into some form of bondage.” I nodded my head gently, unsure of whether I should be scared or insulted by what this stranger was telling me.

“Oh, and those guys taking a shit on each other?

That’s called scat.”

Shortly after that, I left the street fair hoping to never discuss obscure sexual fetishes ever again.

Thankfully for us all, I was recently introduced to a cartoonist named Billy who sells furry drawings, as well as furry porn (aka "yiff"). Furry fandom, a relatively new term in the American lexicon, has no singular definition. Simply put, furries are people who have a fascination with anthropomorphic animals — animals with human characteristics.

This fascination is sometimes sexual, sometimes social and sometimes both. As a cartoonist, Billy gets solicitations for both innocuous furry drawings and yiff in equal parts, although he suspects that people are masturbating to it either way.

The Internet confirms how broad the range of “furriness” can be. I found pictures of people

dressed fully in dog costumes, naked women with cartoonish bunny heads or, my personal favorite, a drawing of two human-foxes blowing each other while sporting Nazi armbands. (Thanks to this article, my recent Google searches are now yiff, furry Wikipedia, kinky fetishes, pee fetish, furries 4chan, Daily Show, furries, San Francisco, Google Analytics, and Sonny Chiba. In that order.)

So, yes, furry shit gets weird. But according to Billy, furry fandom is not just about the sex.

There’s a completely fun and social aspect to it as well. Many will live vicariously through an adopted furry persona, or “fursona.” Not unlike drag, putting on the costume becomes a way of losing the inhibitions of everyday, “normal” society, and losing oneself in a sort of alternative and imaginary life. » buzz: So how did you find yourself selling furry artwork?

Billy Fore: After I started doing “Marco and Marty,” a comic strip for the DI, I got a lot of e-mails from people on campus saying, “You’re a furry, so we think you should draw for us.” » buzz: And what kind of drawings do you do for these people?

BF: Requests span the gamut of, “My boyfriend and I see ourselves as two porcupines, so we want to see you draw us as that walking across a meadow,” or someone will ask for five turtles fucking each other in the ass. Avatars are really in right now, too. » buzz: You say it’s about having a double life, an escape. So where does this overlap with sexuality?

BF: Furries are not necessarily in it for the sex, but for the second-life thing. Furries become a more figurative sexual idea. Plus, a lot of people look at sex, too, like an escape. What a furry finds sexy is not just sex. And fetishes overlap. Like hypnotism.

Billy continues to sell his drawings. A basic 100 x 100 pixels is about $5. More details cost $20 and up. Anything involving kink or nudity is about $30 and up. Feel free to send your requests to billyfore@gmail.com.

Eats glass for brEakfast.

PaPEr for lunch. and mEtal for kicks.

Meet your newest neighbor — a real tough act with a soft spot for the environment. And an appetite for all things recyclable. Glass. Aluminum. Paper. It doesn’t matter. Just toss it in and stand back. Way back. Because this is The Thing. And no matter how much you feed it, it’s always hungry for more.

fEEdthEthing.org

To learn more about Champaign’s new multi-family, non-sort recycling program, please call 217-403-4700 or visit www.feedthething.org.

Illustration by Billy Fore

buzz

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February 10 - 16, 2011

the217.com

How to Become the World’s Greatest Lover!

Illini Arcade sells everything you need to understand your own body and the body of your partner!

by Nick Martin and Maggie Puniewska

D

FREE Ticket Friday!

ick pumps, ball spreaders, rubber fists and pragmatic sexual education that can ensure the mutual pleasure of you and your partner — these are some of the things Illini Arcade offers its patrons. Alena, general manager, talked to buzz about working in the XXX retail business.

“I give a sex-ed talk to one out of every ten customers,” Alena said.

The employees at Illini Arcade know about every product in the store; they’re personable and willing to help confused patrons. Sex shouldn’t be awkward or uncomfortable; it should be honest and fun! Illini Arcade is devoted to facilitating this kind of open communication.

In fact, a large portion of Illini Arcade itself is devoted to making people more comfortable with their sexual “self”—that’s where the Arcade comes in. In the back of the store, a collection allows customers to buy tokens and watch pornography. Alena explained some of the benefits of pornography.

“The point of these booths is privacy—that’s why the doors lock,” Alena said.

“Married men aren’t cheating by buying a masturbator and DVD." If you’re squeamish about sex: Stop it. Sex is the

14

buzz

one constant that links together all human beings regardless of time period, locale, or personality. If you don’t believe me, head over to Illini Arcade and they’ll prove it to you. Their having special sales for Valentine’s Day… Why don’t you and your partner make a trip out there right now?

THE MOST PRACTICAL/ STRANGE/FUN THINGS TO BUY AT THE ILLINI ARCADE » 21ST CENTURY DILDOS

A vibrator can be much more than cold, lifeless plastic. The wonders of post-industrial society are upon us! Solar powered vibrators (Solar Bullet)! USB powered vibrators (Y Bullet)! A vibrator that connects to your iPod and pulsates to music or reacts to the bass thwomp at a dance club (Club Vibe)! A highend vibrator that stimulates the g-spot and clitoris simultaneously, yet maintains a sleek engineering that allows for the device to be kept in during sex or throughout the day (We Vibe)! If you’ve never bought a vibrator, check out Vibes 101, a book about how to use vibrators and an accompanying “entry level” vibrator for the self-pleasuring neophyte.

And don’t worry, straight guys! There’s a type

of dildo just for you. Hardware makes dildos that look like screws, nails, and drill-bits; cock rings that look washers and nuts (the metal kind). Finally, a dildo for everyone!

» ANAL SEX ACCESSORIES

If you’ve never had anal sex before, 1.5 inches of girth might be too much for a virgin anus. Instead, buy a small butt plug that can let your body become accustomed to anal penetration (try Lil Gum Drops). When you’re ready, make sure to prep yourself for hygienic with a product like Steam Master Mini Douche. Then, get a good lube (Rear Entry; Tushies) and a lube dispenser to control how much lube you’ll use. Finally, clean up with a shower or anti-bacterial sex wipe (like flavored 69 wipes). Hopefully, this paragraph and these products will make anal sex a lot more fun and a lot less painful.

» INCONSPICUOUS SEX TOYS

No son wants his mom to find his Fleshlight; no mother wants her son to find her dildo. Thankfully, Illini Arcade’s got you covered. Have you ever wondered what would happen if you put a waterproof vibrator inside of a lufa? Guess what: someone

already did it and it’s awesome. Glass dildos are cool for two reasons: One, their smooth texture, sensitivity to hot and cold and dishwasher safe composition make them immediately practical.

Two, they’re hand-blown glass that can look really cool above your fireplace.

» ORAL SEX "TREATS"

Typically, the last thing anyone wants during sex is repression, unless we’re talking about the gag reflex.

Try out one a bottle of gag reflex repression sprays.

Or, if you prefer, Illini Arcade sells the same product in breath mint form! If there’s one thing we can all agree with it’s that giving/receiving a blowjob with Pop Rocks in the mouth is a lot of fun. Thankfully, the Arcade sells oral sex candy that maintains all the explosive sensation of rock candy without the sharp, jagged edges.

» CUM TOWEL

A cum towel is a black towel that has the words “Cum Towel” embroidered on it. Why is this useful?

Because now, no one will ever accidentally dry off their face with a cummy rag. Instead, they’ll see your black and white stained cloth, and know a) not to touch it and b) that you are very eccentric.

Listen to WPGU 107.1 as we give away

tickets every half hour!

r o f s t e k c i t t 2 pairs of s n i a g A e s i R d n a ligion

Bad Re

a f i l a h K or Wiz bly Hall at Assem

6:15- Rise Against/ Bad Religion 6:45- Wiz Khalifa 7:15- Rise Against/ Bad Religion 7:45- Rise Against/ Bad Religion 8:15- Wiz Khalifa 8:45- Rise Against/ Bad Religion 9:15- Rise Against/ Bad Religion 9:45- Wiz Khalifa 10:15- Rise Against/ Bad Religion 10:45- Rise Against/ Bad Religion 11:15- Wiz Khalifa 11:45- Rise Against/ Bad Religion 12:15- Rise Against/ Bad Religion 12:45- Wiz Khalifa 1:15- Rise Against/ Bad Religion 1:45- Rise Against/ Bad Religion 2:15- Wiz Khalifa 2:45- Rise Against/ Bad Religion 3:15- Rise Against/ Bad Religion 3:45- Wiz Khalifa 4:15- Rise Against/ Bad Religion 4:45- Rise Against/ Bad Religion 5:15- Wiz Khalifa 5:45- Rise Against/ Bad Religion

CALENDAR

FEBRUARY 10 - 16, 2011

Complete listing available at

THE217.COM/CALENDAR

SUBMIT YOUR EVENT TO THE CALENDAR: Online: forms available at the217.com/calendar • E-mail: send your notice to calendar@the217.com • Fax: 337-8328, addressed to the217 calendar Snail mail: send printed materials via U.S. Mail to: the217 calendar, Illini Media, 512 E. Green St., Champaign, IL 61820 • Call: 531-1456 if you have a question or to leave a message about your event.

THURSDAY 10

open mic

stage

live music

S.P.E.A.K. Cafe Krannert Art Museum and Kinkead Pavilion, C, 7pm

Eurydice The Station Theatre, U, 8pm, $8-$15

Jazz in the Courtyard Illini Union, U, 12pm TwoYou Duo The Clark Bar, C, 6pm Billy Galt and Jeff Kerr AnSun, C, 7pm Sudden Sound Concert Krannert Art Museum and Kinkead Pavilion, C, 7pm U of I Jazz Combos (Bridgewater) Iron Post, U, 7pm Caleb Cook and The Hot Slugs Emerald City Lounge, C, 8pm Brantley Gilbert Canopy Club, U, 8pm, $15 Shannon Curtis Illini Union, U, 8pm, $2-$4

dj Milk and Cookies at Klub Kam’s Kam’s, C, 8pm DJ BJ Dance Night Po’ Boys, U, 8pm Here Come the Regulars Red Star Liquors, U, 9pm Stitches at The Clark Bar The Clark Bar, C, 10pm DJ Luniks Firehaus, C, 10pm, $5 Open Deck Night Radio Maria, C, 10pm

dance music Swing Dance Illini Union, U, 9pm

concert Tango Buenos Aires: Fire and Passion of Tango Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, U, 7:30pm

karaoke DJ Bange Rosebowl Tavern, Ltd., U, 8:30pm RockStarz Karaoke — Presented by Seize A Moment Productions Senator’s Bar & Grill, Savoy, 9pm Liquid Courage Karaoke Memphis on Main, C, 9pm RockStarz Karaoke — Presented by Seize A Moment Productions Bentley’s Pub, C, 10pm

Advanced Preschool (AP) Aquatics Campus Recreation Center East - CRCE, U, 6:35pm, 7:20pm, $55-$65 stage Youth Evening Eurydice Campus Recreation Center The Station Theatre, U, East - CRCE, U, 6:35pm, 8pm, $8-$15 7:20pm, $55-$65 Jupiter’s Comedy Club Swim Conditioning For Jupiter’s II, C, 8pm Kids Open Stage at Red Herring Freer Hall, U, 7pm, $100Red Herring Coffeehouse, $110 U, 9pm

Truth and Salvage Co. Canopy Club, U, 6pm, $12 Dave Cooper and Joni Dreyer The Clark Bar, C, 6pm Happy Hour with Main St. Memphis on Main, C, 6pm Live Jazz with Panache Jim Gould Restaurant, C, 7pm Jeremiah Nelson and Morgan Orion Red Herring Coffeehouse, fundraisers U, 7pm lectures Beethoven’s Star-Crossed David Howie Acoustic Scholarship of SustainLovers: The Art of PasJukebox ability Series: A Human sion Bentley’s Pub, C, 8pm Place in Nature Indi Go Artist Co-op, C, Of The Third Dimention Mumford Hall, U, 4pm 6pm, $35 Iron Post, U, 9pm Sudden Sound Concert Kilborn Alley Blues Band classes & workshops Memphis on Main, C, 9pm Pre-show Lecture and Demonstration Is Your Food Making You Isaac Arms, Faster ForKrannert Art Museum and Sick? ward, Lonely Trailer and Kinkead Pavilion, C, 7pm Beads N Botanicals, U, Vaudevileins From Olympians to 12pm Cowboy Monkey, C, Ecomonks Home Ownership Course 9:30pm, $5 Spurlock Museum, U, 7:30pm Land of Lincoln Legal AsBoombox sistance Foundation, C, Canopy Club, U, 10pm, campus activities 6pm $13 Champaign-Urbanan Latin Dance The Shakers Astronomical Society Parkland College, C, The Clark Bar, C, 10pm William M. Staerkel Plan- 6:30pm, $55 dj etarium, C, 7pm Restorative Circles Presentation and Practice DJ Tommy Williams literary Group Chester Street, C, 9pm, Cover-to-Cover Book Champaign Public Library, $3 Discussion Group C, 6:30pm DJ Mella D Champaign Public Library, Swim Conditioning for Red Star Liquors, U, 9pm C, 1:30pm Adults DJ Cal Emmerich Activities and Recreation Boltini Lounge, C, 10pm social issues Center - ARC, C, 7pm, DJ Delayney Champaign County $100-$110 Highdive, C, 10pm, $5 Libertarians February Belly Dance 101 dance music Meeting: Overdose: The Parkland College, C, Next Financial Crisis 7:30pm, $35 2011 Valentine’s Date Urbana Free Library, U, 7pm Foundations of Tango Auction and Latin Dance Phillips Recreation Center, Party kids & families U, 8:30pm, $35 Illini Union, U, 12pm, $3 Preschool Story Time Call 367-1544 to register concert Rantoul Public Library, food & drink Rantoul, 10am 12th Annual 21st Century Baby Time Coffee Hour with Cosmo- Piano Commission Award Douglass Branch Library, C, politan Club Concert 10:30am University YMCA, C, Krannert Center for the Creative Movement for 7:30pm Performing Arts, U, Young People 7:30pm, $4-$10 Amara Yoga & Arts, U, FRIDAY 11 karaoke 3:30pm, $72 live music ARTfusion RockStarz Karaoke — Douglass Branch Library, Interval: Ball in the House Presented by Seize A C, 4pm Krannert Center for the Moment Productions Parent-Child Aquatics Performing Arts, U, 12pm Senator’s Bar & Grill, SaCampus Recreation CenLukas Clide voy, 9pm ter East - CRCE, U, 6pm, Illini Union, U, 12pm Karaoke at Po’ Boys $39-$49 Darden Purcell Jazz Po’ Boys, U, 9pm Parents are required to Combo DJ Bange Karaoke participate Iron Post, U, 5pm Phoenix, C, 9pm

museum exhibit Winter Prairie Skies William M. Staerkel Planetarium, C, 7pm Secrets of the Sun William M. Staerkel Planetarium, C, 8pm

lectures Friday Forum: Another Shade of Green for the U.S. Army University YMCA, C, 12pm

recreation Adult Rat Hockey Ice Arena, C, 3:15pm, $6-$9 Call 333-2212 to register Stick and Puck Beginner Hockey Ice Arena, C, 5pm, $6-$9 Open Gym Volleyball Champaign County Brookens Administration Center, U, 5:30pm, $1 Photo ID required for admission

literary I Shall Not Hate: A Gaza Doctor’s Journey on the Road to Peace and Human Dignity Illini Union Bookstore, C, 3pm

social issues Isra-ed Weekly Session Cafe Sababa, C, 12pm

kids & families Music and Motion Class Act, C, 9:30am, $48 ArtsFusion Level I Class Act, C, 10am, $72 Tales for Twos Douglass Branch Library, C, 10:30am Valentine Crafting Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 3pm Call 893-3955 to register Fairytale Fridays Class Act, C, 3:45pm, $140 Yoga For Teens BKS Iyengar Yoga Institute of C-U, U, 4:30pm, $6

fundraisers Vagina Monologues Gregory Hall, C, 7:30pm, $10

In Between Dreams: A Fundraiser for The Awakenings Project University Place Christian Church, C, 8pm, $5

mind/body/spirit Yoga Krannert Art Museum and Kinkead Pavilion, C, 12pm Vinyasa Krama Yoga with Don Briskin Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 4pm, $12

SATURDAY 12 live music Live Jazz with Panache Jim Gould Restaurant, C, 7pm Painkillers Iron Post, U, 6pm X-Krush Memphis on Main, C, 8pm World’s First Flying Machine: Farewell Show Canopy Club, U, 8pm, $5 The Brat Pack Boomerang, U, 8pm, $5 Songwriters in the Round at Bentley’s Bentley’s Pub, C, 9pm, $3 Tater Tot Trio Rosebowl Tavern, Ltd., U, 9pm The Delta Kings Cowboy Monkey, C, 9:30pm, $5 Lip Service Iron Post, U, 9:30pm, $3 Unwed Sailor with New Ruins and Elephants on Parade Mike ‘n Molly’s, C, 10pm

concert

literary

Marvin Hamlisch: Broadway’s Greatest Moments Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, U, 7:30pm, $5-$40

I Shall Not Hate: Discussion and Book Signing with Palestinian Doctor Izzeldin Abuelaish Urbana Free Library, U, 11am As I Travel My Creation: Poetry by Aaron Ammons Urbana Free Library, U, 4pm

karaoke RockStarz Karaoke — Presented by Seize A Moment Productions Senator’s Bar & Grill, Savoy, 9pm RockStarz Karaoke — Presented by Seize A Moment Productions Boomerang, U, 9pm

open mic Poetry for the People Douglass Branch Library, C, 2pm Speak! An Afternoon of Spoken Word Das Cafe, U, 3pm

volunteer Reaching Out To Homeless Women First United Methodist Church of Champaign, C Call 356-9078 for more information

kids & families

dance music

Advanced Preschool (AP) Aquatics Campus Recreation Center East - CRCE, U, 9:45am, $55-$65 Youth Saturday Morning stage Campus Recreation CenEurydice ter East - CRCE, U, 9am, The Station Theatre, U, 9:45am, $55-$65 8pm, $8-$15 Early Childhood Drama Class Act, C, 9:30am, $66 movies Kids Yoga Rocky Horror Picture Amara Yoga & Arts, U, Show 10:30am, $72 Canopy Club, U, 11pm, KidProv $10 Class Act, C, 10:30am, $35-$90 auditions Kids Arts and Crafts Open Auditions: The Little Playshop Prince Amara Yoga & Arts, U, Parkland College Theatre, 11:15am, $96 C, 9am ArtsFusion/Music and Motion festivals Amara Yoga & Arts, U, Hobbico/Great Planes 11:30am, $48 E-Fest Improv Armory, C, 8am, $5 Class Act, C, 12:15pm, $35-$90 art exhibit DIY Weekend Wizard Paper Locket: A PhotoOrpheum Children’s Scigraphic Collection ence Museum, C, 1pm Indi Go Artist Co-op, C, Korean New Year Cel7pm ebration Urbana Free Library, U, museum exhibit 1pm Secrets of the Sun Paper Locket: Valentine William M. Staerkel Plan- Creations for Kids etarium, C, 8pm Indi Go Artist Co-op, C, Solar System Safari 1pm William M. Staerkel Plan- Family Skywatch etarium, C, 7pm University of Illinois Observatory, U, 7pm

An Evening of Celtic Dance Illini Union, U, 7pm Salsa Night with DJ Dr. J Radio Maria, C, 10pm

Second Saturday Board Games Urbana Free Library, U, 2pm

dj DJ Eargasms Buvons Wine Bar, U, 8pm DJ Randall Ellison Chester Street, C, 9pm, $3 DJ Belly Red Star Liquors, U, 9pm DJ Luniks Highdive, C, 10pm, $5 DJ Space Police Boltini Lounge, C, 10pm

game-playing

lgbt Second Annual Valentine’s Gay The Palace, U, 7pm, $6

buzz

15

February 10 - 16, 2011

community

game-playing

Campus Middle School for Girls Information Meeting Wesley-United Methodist Church & Wesley Foundation, U, 2pm

Big Dave’s Trivia Night Cowboy Monkey, C, 7pm Trivia Night The Blind Pig Brewery, C, 7pm

fundraisers Chocolate (and Yoga) is Love Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 6pm Vagina Monologues Gregory Hall, C, 7:30pm, $10

social issues

classes & workshops

Open Gym Basketball Champaign County Brookens Administration Center, U, 1pm, $1 Photo ID required for admission

Basic Bookbinding Workshop The I.D.E.A. Store, C, 1pm, $25 Poetry for the People Workshop Douglass Branch Library, C, 2pm

Sunday 13 live music Live Irish Music with Emerald Rum The Blind Pig Co., C, 5:30pm Lara Driscoll Trio Iron Post, U, 7pm Big Gigantic Canopy Club, U, 8:30pm, $13

dance music Showtune Sunday Emerald City Lounge, C, 4pm

concert Rochelle Sennet Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, U, 3pm, $4-$10

open mic Open Mic Night Phoenix, C, 9pm

stage

AWARE Meeting McKinley Presbyterian Church and Foundation, C, 5:15pm

kids & families

stage Monday Night Comedy Illini Union, U, 7pm Abe Froman Project Mike ‘n Molly’s, C, 9pm

game-playing

literary

mind/body/spirit

Writers Group Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 9:30am

Partners Yoga Living Yoga Center, U, 2pm, $30-$50 Pre-registration at the center is required

miscellaneous The Zionist Lunch and Learn Cafe Sababa, C, 11:30am FriendShop Used Book Store Open Champaign Public Library, C, 1:30pm

classes & workshops Salsa Dance Lessons: Beginners Capoeira Academy, C, 6pm, $5 Salsa Dance Lessons: Intermediate/Advanced Capoeira Academy, C, 7:30pm, $5

food & drink

live music One Dollar Wild Mondays Canopy Club, U, 10am Jesse Johnson Illini Union, U, 12pm

buzz

RockStarz Karaoke — Presented by Seize A Moment Productions Mike ‘n Molly’s, C, 10pm

Vagina Monologues Gregory Hall, C, 2pm, $10

Illini Men’s Basketball Game Assembly Hall, C, 12pm, $11-$40

16

karaoke

fundraisers

sporting event

Hobbico/Great Planes E-Fest Armory, C, 8am, $5

‘80s Night with DJ Mingram Highdive, C, 10pm

Duplicate Bridge Game Ginger Creek Shops, C, 7pm Bingo Night Memphis on Main, C, 8pm

Sunday Brunch with a Eurydice Diva The Station Theatre, U, Emerald City Lounge, C, 8pm, $8-$15 10am, $9 Drag Show Chester Street, C, 10pm, $4 Monday 14

festivals

buz z ’s WEEK AHEAD

the217.com

dj DJ Randall Ellison Chester Street, C, 9pm, $2

Kids & Families O Baby!

Champaign Public Library, C, 9:45am PS2 and U Douglass Branch Library, C, 4pm Advanced Preschool (AP) Aquatics Campus Recreation Center East - CRCE, U, 6:15pm, $55-$65 Youth Evening Campus Recreation Center East - CRCE, U, 6:15pm, $55-$65

mind/body/spirit Baby and Me Yoga Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 10:30am, $12 Yoga For The Lower Back BKS Iyengar Yoga Institute of C-U, U, 5:30pm, $17 Yoga St. Andrew’s Lutheran Church and Campus Center, C, 7pm Prana Flow Yoga Living Yoga Center, U, 7:15pm, $15

miscellaneous Tarot Reader Boltini Lounge, C, 7pm

Beginner 1 Swimming Campus Recreation Center East - CRCE, U, 7:10pm, $65-$75

Tuesday 15 live music Alec Stern Illini Union, U, 12pm Parkland Traditional Jazz Band Iron Post, U, 7pm Andy Moreillon Fat City Bar & Grill, C, 7pm Robyn Canopy Club, U, 7:30pm, $25 Doors open at 7pm Craig Gaskin and Friends Senator’s Bar & Grill, Savoy, 7:30pm Dueling Guitars Jupiter’s II, C, 8pm The Piano Man Canopy Club, U, 9pm Tuesday Night Troubadours Rosebowl Tavern, Ltd., U, 9pm

dance music 8th Grade Dance Joe’s Brewery, C, 11pm

Saturday, Feb. 12 7 p.m. Illini Union, Room 314 1401 W. Green St., U. As a proud Irish girl, I’ve always been a bit in love with my own heritage. More than a bit, actually. In fact, I love it all: the music, the voice, the food, the dances. Until I make my way over to the Emerald Isle, however, I’ll have to find my fix where I can, and this opportunity to learn celtic dance looks like an excellent opportunity. — Lauren Hise, Arts & Entertainment Editor

From Olympians to Ecomonks Thursday, Feb. 10 7:30 p.m. Spurlock Museum 600 S. Gregory St., U. Free When I saw the title for this event, I assumed it was a movie about a group of Olympic gymnasts who decide to form their own cult that cherishes the theories of economics and the serenity of monks. Instead, it’s an art showing that has absolutely nothing to do with what I mentioned above. Well, I’ll still go, but only if I can dress up like a millionaire art connoisseur with a tuxedo and cummerbund. — Matt Carey, Movies & TV Editor

concert UI New Music Ensemble Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, U, 7:30pm, $4-$10

karaoke RockStarz Karaoke — Presented by Seize A Moment Productions Bentley’s Pub, C, 10pm RockStarz Karaoke — Presented by Seize A Moment Productions The Corner Tavern, Monticello, 8pm Dragon Karaoke The Clark Bar, C, 9pm

open mic Sparking Creativity: Innovators Improv Radio Maria, C, 5pm Register at http://www.innovatorsimprov.org Open Mic Tuesdays Cowboy Monkey, C, 10pm

classes & workshops campus activities MELD: Monday Evening Life Drawing Group McGown Photography, C, 7pm, $7

An Evening of Celtic Dance

Revive, Restore, Relax: Weston Wellness Weston Residence Hall, C, 3pm

Be My Valentine Monday, Feb. 14 5 p.m. Homer Lake Forest Preserve 2573 S. Homer Lake Rd., Homer $10 There’s nothing more romantic than a walk in the dark woods!

No one around, dangerous animals and foliage, spooky noises, owls. These are the key components to romanticism (but not to 19th century Romanticism). Plus, it’s only $10 to look at vintage Valentines, make your own Valentine and form an intense emotional bond with your loving partner. Boy, this sounds like so much fun! If girls liked me, I’d totally go.

— Nick Martin, Community Editor

Is your Food Making you Sick?

Thursday, Feb. 10 noon Beads N’ Botanicals 117 N. Broadway Ave., U. Free I’ve heard that I am what I eat. I’ve also heard I am what I eat eats, but being a vegetarian, that was a bit more complicated to make sense of. I’m hoping this class clears some of that up and helps me optimize my food intake. — Jeanine Russell, Food & Drink Editor

the217.com February 10 - 16, 2011

Whosthrowinshoes?

Self-Defense and SelfAwareness: Feeling Safe on Campus Workshop Activities and Recreation Center - ARC, C, 7pm

seniors

Continuing Yoga for 50+ BKS Iyengar Yoga Institute of C-U, U, 8:30am, $14 Prerequisite: Yoga for 50+ Yoga For 50+ game-playing BKS Iyengar Yoga Institute T-N-T Tuesday Night Trivia of C-U, U, 10:30am, $14 with Cara and Tanino lgbt Boltini Lounge, C, 7pm Trivia Tuesdays Rainbow Coffeehouse Memphis on Main, C, 7pm Etc. Coffee House, U, 6pm eQuality Champaignliterary Urbana meeting African American Read-In Wesley-United Methodist Urbana Free Library, U, 7pm Church & Wesley FoundaRead: Laurie Halse tion, U, 7pm Anderson Champaign Public Library, community C, 7pm Locals’ Night BYOB: Bring Your Own Po’ Boys, U, 4pm Book Champaign Public Library, mind/body/spirit C, 8pm Hot Yoga Registration is needed Evolve Fitness Club, C, 12pm, $10 social issues Awakening Yoga and The Trauma of War: Panel Playtime for Kids with Discussion about Military Kate PTSD and Suicides Amara Yoga & Arts, U, Gregory Hall, U, 6:30pm 9am, $12 Introduction to Meditakids & families tion Tuesday Twos Ananda Liina Yoga & Champaign Public Library, Meditation Center, U, C, 9:45am, 10:15am, 7:30pm 10:45am classes & workshops Creative Movement for Young People Swim Conditioning for Amara Yoga & Arts, U, Adults 10am, $72 Activities and Recreation Fairytale Ballet Center - ARC, C, 7pm, Amara Yoga & Arts, U, $100-$110 12:15pm, $72 Adult Pottery Class Walk-in Storytime and Boneyard Pottery, C, 9am, Creative Play 6:30pm, $25 Class Act, C, 2pm, $2 Call 355-5610 to register Wave Club Readers Belly Dance 101 Rantoul Public Library, Phillips Recreation Center, Rantoul, 4pm U, 6pm, $22 Story Drama Real Computing Help Class Act, C, 4pm, $66 Douglass Branch Library, Goodnight Storyshop C, 6pm Champaign Public Library, C, 6:30pm Wednesday 16 Parent-Child Aquatics live music Campus Recreation Center East - CRCE, U, 6pm, Woody Woodward Organ $39-$49 Trio Parents are required to Iron Post, U, 5pm participate Jeff Arrigo Youth Evening The Clark Bar, C, 6pm Campus Recreation Center Donnie Heitler: Solo East - CRCE, U, 7:20pm, Piano $55-$65 Great Impasta, U, 6pm Advanced Preschool (AP) Happy Hour Jazz Aquatics; Swim CondiEmerald City Lounge, C, tioning For Kids 6pm Freer Hall, U, 7pm, $100Live Irish Music $110 Bentley’s Pub, C, 7pm

Caleb Cook Rosebowl Tavern, Ltd., U, 9pm

Eurydice The Station Theatre, U, 8pm, $8-$15

dj

sporting event

DJ Tommy Williams Chester Street, C, 9pm, $2 Country Night Highdive, C, 8pm DJ Randall Ellison Boltini Lounge, C, 9pm Old School Night Red Star Liquors, U, 9pm Wompdown Wednesdays: Chalice Mug Night!

Canopy Club, U, 9pm, $1 I Love The ‘90s with DJ Mingram Soma Ultralounge, C, 10pm

Illini Men’s Basketball Game Assembly Hall, C, 7:30pm, $11-$40

dance music Salsa and Tango Dancing Cowboy Monkey, C, 8pm

concert UI Wind Orchestra Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, U, 7:30pm, $4-$10

karaoke RockStarz Karaoke — Presented by Seize A Moment Productions Senator’s Bar & Grill, Savoy, 9pm RockStarz Karaoke — Presented by Seize A Moment Productions Route 45 Wayside, Pesotum, 8pm SuperStar Karaoke AnSun, C, 9pm RockStarz Karaoke — Presented by Seize A Moment Productions Fat City Bar & Grill, C, 10pm RockStarz Karaoke — Presented by Seize A Moment Productions Geovanti’s, C, 10pm

open mic Open Mic Comedy Night Memphis on Main, C, 9pm

movies Made in L.A. Channing-Murray Foundation, U, 7pm

stage

game-playing Black History Wednesday: Bingo Douglass Branch Library, C, 4pm Pokemon Fan Club Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 5:30pm CU64 Chess Club McKinley Presbyterian Church and Foundation, C, 7pm Bingo Mike ‘n Molly’s, C, 9:30pm

THE217.COM

Get out. Sound off. Champaign-Urbana.

kids & families Improv Class Act, C, 5pm, $35$90 Around the World Wednesdays Spurlock Museum, U, 9:30am Wrestling Fan Club Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 4pm Advanced Preschool (AP) Aquatics Campus Recreation Center East - CRCE, U, 6:15pm, $55-$65 Youth Evening Campus Recreation Center East - CRCE, U, 6:15pm, 6:35pm, $55-$65 Swim Conditioning For Kids Freer Hall, U, 7pm, $100$110

mind/body/spirit WellZone Checkups Activities and Recreation Center - ARC, C, 5pm Wellness Wednesday Activities and Recreation Center - ARC, C, 5:15pm Yoga Class Every Wednesday Ananda Liina Yoga & Meditation Center, U, 5:30pm

Slam Dunk Your Way Into a Big 10 Basketball Game!

WPGU 107.1 is giving away tickets to all Big 10 Games. Tune in every tuesday from 1-9pm and call to win your tickets for that week.

Brought to you by:

miscellaneous

Cafe Ivrit Student Playwrights Out- Espresso Royale, U, 7pm reach Theatre (SPOT) classes & workshops Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, U, Improv Workout 7pm Class Act, C, 6:30pm, $10

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17

Classifieds Place an Ad: 217 - 337 - 8337 Deadline: 2 p.m. Tuesday for the next Thursday’s edition.

Inde x Employment 000 Services 100 Merchandise 200 Transportation 300 Apartments 400 Other Housing/Rent 500 Real Estate for Sale 600 Things To Do 700 Announcements 800 Personals 900

• PLEASE CHECK YOUR AD! Report errors immediately by calling 337-8337. We cannot be responsible for more than one day’s incorrect insertion if you do not notify us of the error by 2 pm on the day of the first insertion.

• All advertising is subject to the approval of the publisher. The Daily Illini shall have the right to revise, reject or cancel, in whole or in part, any advertisement, at any time.

• All employment advertising in this newspaper is subject to the City of Champaign Human Rights Ordinance and similar state and local laws, making it illegal for any person to cause to be published any advertisement which expresses limitation, specification or discrimination as to race, color, mental handicap, personal appearance, sexual orientation, family responsibilities, political affiliation, prior arrest or conviction record, source of income, or the fact that such person is a student.

• Specification in employment classifications are made only where such factors are bonafide occupational qualifications necessary for employment.

• All real estate advertising in this newspaper is subject to the Federal Fair Housing Act of 1968, and similar state and local laws which make it illegal for any person to cause to be published any advertisement relating to the transfer, sale, rental, or lease of any housing which expresses limitation, specifications or discrimination as to race, color, creed, class, national origin, religion, sex, age, marital status, physical or mental handicap, personal appearance, sexual oientation, family responsibilities, political affiliation, or the fact that such person is a student.

• This newspaper will not knowingly accept any advertising for real estate that is in violation of the law. Our readers are informed that all dwellings advertised in this newspaper are available on an equal oppportunity basis.

Deadline:

2 p.m. Monday for the next Thursday’s edition.

Rates:

Billed rate: 43¢/word Paid-in-Advance: 37¢/word

Photo Sellers

30 words or less + photo: $5 per issue

Garage Sales

30 words in both Thursday’s buzz and Friday’s Daily Illini!! $10. If it rains, your next date is free.

Action Ads

• 20 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $20 • 10 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $10 • add a photo to an action ad, $10

18

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HELP WANTED Part time

February 10 - 16, 2011

020 APARTMENTS

Caregiver Wanted!

Caregiver Wanted for 0-4 year olds Sunday Mornings for an Hour and a Half Contact Judith (217)328-6963

BUSINESS OPPS

420

Furnished

050

Corner of Fourth and University

Gorgeous 2 Bedroom Apartments.

Now Leasing for Fall 2011. Brand new, energy efficient, fully furnished, new appliances. Only $499/person! www.nearnorthcu.com

studentpayouts.com

Paid Survey Takers needed in Urbana. 100% FREE to join. Click on Surveys.

1006 S. 3rd, Champaign

From $785. 217-367-6626.

HUGE Fall 2011 1 and 2 bedrooms.

Location, location.

3 level apartments.

Hardwood floors, covered parking, laundry, furnished, patios.

Value pricing.

Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

BEST OFFER CAMPUS

411 HEALEY, Champaign

APARTMENTS

Furnished/Unfurnished

410

2 Bedroom Available Fall 2011

Best Location - Fall 2011 Spacious 4 bedroom apts. Fully furnished, dishwasher, laundry, leather furniture, flat-screen TV and value pricing. Covered parking. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com

1 Bedroom Loft 2 Bedroom 3 Bedroom 4 Bedroom Campus. 367-6626 Available August 2010

APARTMENTS Furnished

420

509 Stoughton, C

Fall 2011 Near Grainger, spacious studios and 2 bedrooms, laundry, value pricing, parking.

THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

1005 S. Second, Champaign

Fall 2011 studio and 4 bedroom penthouse with leather, flat screen, hardwood. Secured building. Private parking, laundry on-site. Value pricing. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

APARTMENTS Furnished

420 APARTMENTS

GREAT VALUE

306-308-309 White, C Fall 2011. Furnished studios, 1, 2, and 3 bedrooms. Balconies, patios, laundry, dishwashers, off-street parking. Behind County Market.

Starting at $265/person.

THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

509 Bash Court, C.

Fall 2011 Great 3 bedroom, near 6th and Green. Fully furnished, dishwashers, laundry. Off-street parking. Starting at $330/person. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

203 Healey, Champaign

Fall 2011. Great location on the park. Private balconies. Fully furnished 3 bedrooms. Parking, laundry, value pricing. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

207/211 John C.

2, 4 Bedrooms. Great Location, onsite laundry, parking. 4 Bedroom with leather furniture plus flat screen TV. Value pricing.

Office at 309 S. First C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

605 S. Fifth, C.

Fall 2011 5th and Green location Outdoor activity area. 1 and 2 bedrooms available. Garage offstreet parking, laundry, and value pricing. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

$750 for 2 bed 2-bath (per bedroom)

104 E. Armory, C.

866.613.6004

Fall 2011. Location!! 4 bedroom, 2 bath. Some skylights and flat screen TVs. Covered Parking. Laundry. $375/person, includes heat and A/C. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

420 APARTMENTS

Furnished

Furnished

307, 310 E. White, C 307, 309 Clark, C

Fall 2011. Large studio, double closet, well furnished. Starting from $360/mo. Behind County Market. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

506 E. Stoughton, Champaign

For Fall 2011. Extra large efficiency apartments. Security building entry, complete furniture, laundry, off-street parking, value pricing. Office at 309 S. First, Champaign THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

602 E. Stoughton, C

Fall 2011. Unique 1 & 2 bedroom apartments. All furnished, laundry, internet. 2 Bedrooms starting at $387/person. Parking available.

Must see!

THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

John Street Apartments

58 E. John, C. Fall 2011. Studio, two and three bedrooms, fully furnished.

Dishwasher, center courtyard, onsite laundry, leather furniture, flat screens, parking. Starting at $298/ person.

THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

510 S. Elm, C. Available Fall 2011. 2 BR close to campus, hardwood floors, laundry on-site, W/D, central air/heat, off-street parking, 24 hr. maintenance. Value pricing. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

111 E. Chalmers, Champaign

Fall 2011 studio and 1 and 4 bedrooms. Leather furniture, skylights, off-street parking, laundry, flat screen tv. Starting at $385/ person. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

604 E. White, Champaign

Security Entrance For Fall 2011, Large studio, 1, 2 bedroom, Loft Apartment. Furnished, balconies, patios, laundry, off-street parking, value pricing. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

February Leases

Efficiency 1-2-3 Bedrooms 309 South First The University Group universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

705 W. Stoughton, U

Fall 2011 2 and 3 bedroom apartments. Spacious living area. Communal balcony & great backyard. Plus a bar area in kitchen, dishwasher, washer/dryer in each unit, value pricing.

THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

NEW KITCHENS 307 - 309 - Healy Court 2+3 Bedrooms Starting at $343 per person

theuniversity 309 S. First, C.

group

2 full baths universitygroupapartments.com 217-352-3182

NEWLY REMODLED 503 - 505 - 508 White 2 Bedroom with den $790 3 Bedroom $830-950

theuniversity

Contact Andy at 217-369-2621

New Kitchens Hardwood Floors, Leather Furniture Flat-Screen TVS

group

universitygroupapartments.com 217-352-3182

Daniel St. Lofts NOW LEASING New

420 APARTMENTS

Old Town Champaign

509 E. White, C.

Fall 2011. Large Studio and 1 bedrooms. Security entry, balconies, patios, furnished. Laundry, off-street parking, value pricing. Office at 309 S. First, Champaign THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

Kitchens

BIG! 106 Daniel

Flat Screen T.V. 4-Bedroom / 2-Bath Mardi Gras Balconies

www.universitygroupapartments.com 217-352-3182

the217.com

Furnished

420

203 S. Sixth, C.

For Fall 2011. Large 4 bedrooms, 2 bath. Balconies, laundry, covered parking. Starting at $300/person. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

APARTMENTS Unfurnished

430

800 W. Church, C Now Available Economical 2BR, $490/mo central Champaign location convenient to shopping/transportation. Call 217-352-8540 for showing and viewing at faronproperties.com 515 W. Washington, Champaign 1 BR Now Available. $420/mo.

Near downtown Champaign.

Call 217-352-8540 for an appointment or view at faronproperties.com

HOUSES FOR RENT

510

FALL 2011 Campus Houses 712 W. California 10, 11 Bedrooms $310/person 367-6626

Fall 2011 4 Bedroom, 2 Bath, $300/bedroom.

Campus Houses. Washer/dryer.

217-367-6626.

204 N. Lincoln, Urbana 3 bedroom, 1.5 bath house with loft, deck, furnished, free parking and laundry. $475/br Call Andy 309-310-2059 For Rent Now on Campus 704 W. Illinois St., U 4 BR, 2 Bath.

4 minute walk to campus.

10% discount.

Mary Williams msrwill3@peopletc.com

CONDOS/DUPLEXES 520 Capstone Condo

Fall 2011! New 2 BR, 2 Bath and 4 BR, 4 Bath. $500/mo.

Parking, internet included.

Email kfahy2@gmail.com.

ROOMS

530

CAMPUS ROOMS- $295/ Month

All Utilities. Internet 217-367-6626

the217.com February 10 - 16, 2011

zuppazexy

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY ARIES

March 21-April 19

“Before I loved you, nothing was my own,” wrote Pablo Neruda to his lover in one of his sonnets. “It all belonged to someone else -- to no one.” Have you ever experienced a sense of being dispossessed like that, Aries? A sense of there being nowhere and nothing in the world that you can call your own? And have you ever fantasized that your emptiness could be remedied by the intimate presence of a special companion? I wish for you to have that consoling experience in the coming week. In fact, I predict it. Happy Valentine Daze!

TAURUS

April 20-May 20

You’re very familiar with the inexhaustible longings that you harbor in your depths. Your primal hungers for love and connection are never far from your awareness. But the sad thing is that you often regard this as a problem -- as a vulnerability that disempowers you. This Valentine season I’m asking you to change all that. I’m urging you to see your enormous yearnings as strengths . . . to celebrate them as essential fuel for your vitality . . . to treat them as crucial ingredients in your lust for life.

Take it from someone who has seen too many people crippled by their lack of passion: You’re lucky to be so well-endowed with desire.

GEMINI

May 21-June 20

Happy Valentine Daze, Gemini! Here’s my prescription for making best use of the current cosmic currents: Be enchanting, but in an understated way. Be slyly charismatic and innocently flirtatious and serenely wild. Show how sexy it is to be sublimely relaxed. Make judicious use of small acts of friendly mischief. Be affectionately unpredictable, always in the service of showing how much you care.

CANCER

June 21-July 22

Your love story has elements of a farce mixed with a soap opera, fairy tale, and ghost story. For a normal human being, it might be too intense and convoluted to deal with; it requires so much willing suspension of disbelief and involves so much letting go of certainty that no one in their right mind would agree to its demands.

Luckily, you’re not a normal human being these days, and you’re not particularly in your right mind. That’s why I say unto you: Ride this snaky tale for all it’s worth.

Enjoy every plot twist and riddle as if you’ve been given an epic myth you can ponder and learn from for the next ten years. Happy Valentine Daze, Cancerian!

LEO

July 23-Aug. 22

“I think, therefore I am,” declared the philosopher Descartes. Couldn’t he have equally said, “I feel, therefore I am” or “I sense, therefore I am”? During this Valentine season, I suggest that you put the emphasis on those other proofs of identity, not Descartes’. From what I can tell, intimacy is most likely to thrive if you liberate it from excessive thinking and lubricate it with generous amounts of trans-rational contact. For love’s sake, empty your head of abstractions, opinions, and theories.

Make lots of room for the aroma of freshly washed hair, the shimmer of peaceful excitement, the shuddering solace of moist skin, the zing of poignant empathy, the wisdom of wandering hands, and the telepathy of shared perceptions.

VIRGO

Aug. 23-Sept. 22

Happy Valentine Daze, Virgo! What’s the best way for you to celebrate the season of love? In accordance with the astrological omens, here’s a good suggestion: Write haiku-like poems on scraps of red paper and leave them around for a special someone to find. You can borrow the following samples, adopted from the work of Raymond Roseliep. 1. “mist on my mouth -- air you touched.” 2. “I tried to bring you that one cloud in this cup of water.” 3. “black raspberries -- your name breaking in the soft burst.” 4. “love song: I enter your mirror.”

To get more inspiration, check at tinyurl.com/brisk88.

LIBRA

Feb 10 – feb 16

jonesin’

by Matt Jones

Sept. 23-Oct. 22 “Yee-Haw!”—riding across six answers

Happy Valentine Daze, Libra. It’s my astrological opinion that you need more jokes, comedy, and humor in your romantic adventures. If you’re too serious about seeking the pleasures of love, you can’t get what you want. To inspire your efforts, I present the winning entry from last year’s Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. “For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss -- a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.”

SCORPIO

Oct. 23-Nov. 21

SAGITTARIUS

Nov. 22-Dec. 21

CAPRICORN

Dec. 22-Jan. 19

This Valentine season, you have considerable potential to bring more lyricism into your close relationships. To stimulate you in that noble effort, I’m borrowing from the poetry of Andre Breton. See if you can adopt this style of expressing yourself (or steal the actual words) as you reach out to a person you’d like to be closer to: “Your neck is pearled barley. Your hair is a wood fire.

Your mouth is a bouquet of stars. Your eyelashes are a child’s first stroke of writing. Your eyebrows are the edge of a swallow’s nest. Your shoulders are dolphins’ heads under the ice. Your fingers? The ace of hearts.

Your armpits? Beechnut and midsummer night. Your arms are the sea foam and flood gate foam. Your feet are bunches of keys.”

“Love that stammers, that stutters, is apt to be the love that loves best,” wrote poet Gabriela Mistral. That’s an important theme to keep in mind during the season of amour. Your job as a lover is not to be inflated with the perfect knowledge of how to proceed, not to stride forcefully into each romantic nuance with your confidence exploding . . . but rather to stumble along humbly, waging experiment after experiment, striving to kindle the spark, unleash the deluge, conjure the whirlwind, burrow into the dirty, sacred depths. Happy Valentine Daze, Sagittarius!

Happy Valentine Daze, Capricorn! Borrowing words from poet Amy Lowell, I’ve created the nucleus of a love note for you to use as your own. Feel free to give these words (and others you write yourself) to a person whose destiny needs to be woven more intimately together with yours. “Your shadow is moonlight on a plate of silver; your footsteps, the seeding-place of lilies; the mystery of your voice, a chime of bells across the windless river air. Young horses are not more limber than your thoughts. Your laughs are bees buzzing around a pear tree. I dare to reach to you. I dare to touch the rim of your brightness.”

Stumped? Find the solutions in the Classifieds pages.

Across

1 One who likes to talk 7 Does some unwanted yard redecoration?

10 Feature of some high-tech cell phones 13 Company hawked by Catherine Zeta-Jones 14 “___ you kidding?”

15 Necklace given upon deplanings 16 Another term for it is “elver” AQUARIUS Jan. 20-Feb. 18 17 He wrote about Mowgli When some Westerners hear the term “tantra,” they 19 “___ Out of Control” (Tony think it’s a New Age codeword for lavish sex. But in Danza movie) its original form, tantra is a philosophy that advocates 20 Morrissey video compilation spiritual union with all of creation, not just erotic union that translates to “Listen, with an attractive partner. Tantric practitioners might Steven” engage in metaphorical “love-making” with lizards, 22 “Top Chef” host Lakshmi birch trees, clouds, toasters, rivers, and quirky friends, among other wonders. I recommend that you experi24 Joltin’ Joe’s other nickname ment with this perspective, Aquarius. I bet you’ll find 25 Addis ___, Ethiopia that cultivating lusty compassion for the entire world 28 Actress Summer of “The will enhance your personal intimacy with the people Cape” you care about. Happy Valentine Daze!

32 Nine-to-five friends PISCES Feb. 19-March 20 38 “___ been a bad boy” 39 Beatnik interjection In many of the weddings I’ve been to as a guest, the love birds have sealed their vows with a chaste kiss 40 River island -- a formal gesture that wasn’t imbued with much 41 1977 role for George Burns spontaneous passion. But in a recent marriage cer42 It’s heard while leaving a group emony I attended, the new husband and wife showed 46 Unit of loudness little inhibition at the climax. They French-kissed in a prolonged embrace that also included ample groping. In 47 R&B group Bell Biv ___ the coming week, I urge you to put yourself as much as 48 Throw back in possible in situations where you can express that kind 52 “Dynasty” actress Emma of free-wheeling spirit. Happy Valentine Daze, Pisces!

56 Grain byproduct used in alternative medicines 61 Modern waltz violinist Andre 62 Square-shaped flyer 63 It usually involves reading letters 65 Suffix for “cyan” 66 “The Girl You Lost to Cocaine” singer 67 Pre-show acts 68 Spider egg container 69 Network advertising “the greatest motion pictures of all time” 70 Cliff Huxtable’s oldest

Down 1 Mutual of ___ 2 Like Supreme Court judges 3 Lower than low 4 One may attempt to break it 5 Spread across the Eastern seaboard?

6 Depend (on) 7 George of “Star Trek” 8 Rainbow maker 9 Places for some nose piercings, technically 10 Silver-tongued 11 Actress Elizabeth in “The Incredibles” 12 Part of ASL 13 Abbr. in a recipe 18 Like pin-up models

21 Cheese in a red rind 23 Mushroom cloud maker 26 Out of the office 27 “Molto ___” (“very good,” in Verona) 29 Interlockable toy 30 “___ Flux” 31 Arne Duncan’s employer, for short 32 Newton fillers 33 Rachael Ray acronym 34 Kings of ___ 35 Fix some potholes 36 “Salt” actor Schreiber 37 Others, in Spanish 43 Leader of The Dominos 44 Old Icelandic saga 45 Like some auto clearance sales 49 Be 50 Upper story 51 It might involve flying or unfamiliar situations 53 Social dance 54 Ben Stiller’s mom Anne 55 Total packages?

56 Diamond stat, incorrectly but commonly 57 Talks like this he does 58 Business big shot 59 Business big shots 60 Wrong letter?

64 Suffix for “velvet”

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February 10 - 16, 2011

the217.com

AND ANOTHER THING ...

by MICHAEL COULTER

winter blues

Blizzards, Boy Scouts and the Supreme Being Wow, this winter has been pretty bad. I know, it’s like saying politicians in Illinois are incompetent or that Charlie Sheen may have some substance abuse problems, but holy crap, this winter has been a humdinger. I can remember about three days since November when there hasn’t been a crapload of snow on the ground. It has been so oppressive that many places decided it wasn’t worth it to even go to work and school.

It feels like getting beat up, but I prefer to pre-

ing video games and having a glass of Scotch in my hand for 48 consecutive hours. It all sounds good until you actually begin the experience.

Watching one movie in a row is really more than enough, two hours of video games makes me get all bug-eyed, and I can’t drink nearly as much Scotch as I used to be able to.

For some reason, this year the snow kicked in my survival instinct.

Shoveling snow became my morphine. I became a junkie for the worst high in the world, manual labor. If I wasn’t ass-deep in piles of powdery precipitation, I felt somehow unfulfilled. Sure, shoveling the snow actually sucked, but sitting in a warm house and I threw salt on every cold, slippery imagining snow accumulatsurface I could find just to beat down ing on the driveway seems far worse. I threw salt on every cold, the accumulation as much as possible. slippery surface I could find just When I ran out of salt, I used paprika, to beat down the accumulation as much as possible. When I ran then cumin, and eventually basil. It out of salt, I used paprika, then wasn’t until my wife found me applying cumin, and eventually basil. It until my wife found me a dry barbecue rub to the sidewalk that wasn’t applying a dry barbecue rub insisted it was time to put away my snow to the sidewalk that insisted it was time to put away my snow removal efforts for a few hours. removal efforts for a few hours.

I also became obsessed with tend we’re simply like Ali using the rope-a-dope making sure there was enough food in the house against Frazier. “Geez Louise, this is beating the in case we got stranded. I should point out that piss out of me. I’m gonna lay low for a little bit and there is always enough food in the house no hope it either tires or simply goes away.” The thing matter what the weather. There are a lot of weird is, this winter is a rat bastard and it appears to be canned goods that don’t sound very appealing going nowhere. to eat, but I could if it came down to it. There are I hate to seem like a complete Nancy boy, but even unidentifiable items in the freezer that I’m the weather had been pretty pissy even before sure could become several meals if I could just last week came along. It was snowing like crazy figure out what the hell they were. This in no in December, but at that point we were all still way stopped my hoarding. I made bread, cooked sentimental idiots. “Oh, snow during the holi- roasts and picked up a gallon of milk every time I days, how quaint.” Like a high school girlfriend, stepped outside for even a moment. it looked pretty and we hadn’t seen it for a while, I prepared beyond belief for a snow emergency so it seemed awesome. After a couple of months, that lasted essentially 12 hours. Even a Boy Scout we’re now remembering that this pretty high would have suspected overkill. Now that it’s over, school girlfriend is a complete pain in the ass and I can admit that it wasn’t really all that bad of a remember why we disliked her so much in the first blizzard. Winter has still been an enormous pain place. Fine, it may not be the best comparison in the ass. but insane amounts of snow make me use a lot I know everyone is bitching about this winter, of similes. and I hate to be another one of those people, I always say I live here because I genuinely enjoy but I get the impression many of us are at our the changing of the seasons. In the boiling hot cold weather breaking point about now. I’ve aldays of summer it’s nice to imagine winter. In the ways thought that God gives everyone as much winter, it’s nice to know if you just hold on for as he thinks they can handle, but I may have to another month you can step outside with a little rethink my outlook. Far be it for me to question bit of skin exposed and not expect to die. The the Supreme Being, but I think I’ve had just about changing of the seasons is a lovely process. We enough snow. I can only assume that our creator need winter to appreciate the other seasons. It’s has fallen asleep at the switch, so maybe I should just that enough is enough already. Like I’ve often just give him a little reminder. It’s enough already. said before, when you ask for a drink of water you I get it; it’s winter and it’s supposed to be snowy don’t expect someone to drown you. and cold. Your point has been proven. For the love Sure, it all sounds like fun and games at the on- of yourself, can we just have a 40-degree day set. I pictured myself watching movies and play- sometime before June?

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