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no.11
Cover Design • Allie Armstrong Editor in chief • Erin Scottberg Art Director • Claire Napier Copy Chief • Sara Sandock Listen, Hear • Anna Statham Stage, Screen & in Between • Elyse Russo Around Town • Lianne Zhang CU Calendar • Todd Swiss Photography Editor • Austin Happel Designers • Brittany Bindrim, Nikita Sorokin, Obumneme Asota, Allie Armstrong Calendar Coordinator • Brian McGovern Photography • Austin Happel Copy Editors • Sarah Goebel, Ruth McCormack, Meghan Whalen, Dan Petrella Staff Writers • Paul Prikazsky, Tatyana Safronova, Syd Slobodnik, Todd J. Hunter Contributing Writers • Michael Coulter, Seth Fein Production Manager • Paula Newcomb Sales Manager • Mark Nattier Marketing/Distribution • Brandi Wills Publisher • Mary Cory
TALK TO BUZZ e-mail: buzz@readbuzz.com write: 57 E. Green St. Champaign, IL 61820 call: 217.337.3801 We reserve the right to edit submissions. Buzz will not publish a letter without the verbal consent of the writer prior to publication date. Buzz magazine is a student-run publication of Illini Media Company and does not necessarily represent, in whole or in part, the views of the University of Illinois administration, faculty or students.
Mar. 23
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UNDER THE COVER |1-3| 3 3 3 |4-5| 4 5 |6-7| 6 7 7 | 8 - 10 | | 11 - 12 | 11 12
INTRO First Things First • Michael Coulter This Modern World • Tom Tomorrow Life in Hell • Matt Groening
AROUND TOWN Spring break: High Tides and Low Tides • Lianne Zhang The Local Sniff • Seth Fein
LISTEN, HEAR And If I Bring a Little Music I Can Fit Right In What the Hell?!• Kyle Gorman Sound Ground #117 • Todd J. Hunter
CU CALENDAR STAGE, SCREEN & IN BETWEEN Scare Your Way Into Spring Break • Jeff Gross Movie reviews
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CLASSIFIEDS
| 14 - 15 |
THE STINGER
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Doin it Well • Kim Rice & Kate Ruin Jonesin’ Crosswords • Matt Gaffney Free Will Astrology (Th)ink • Keef Knight Slowpoke • Jen Sorensen
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h ‌ Spring Break. It deserves capital letters. You know, at f irst I was thinking that Spring Break is a win-win situation for everyone in CU. There’s more parking for residents, fewer people in bars for the drinkers, emptier aisles at grocery stores for the shoppers and, of course, no classes/work for teachers, students and many university employees. But really, it’s the students that win by a long shot. A really long shot. Like a grand slam in the bottom of the tenth when you’re three runs behind kind of thing. Nothing’s as sweet as a week off when the weather’s warm, the sun is shining and you have summer, not another semester of class, to look forward too. It just puts a huge grin on my face. But wait — that grin just turned upside down. This is my last Spring Break, possibly forever (that is until I have kids and have to take the week off to take care of the brats — or go to grad school). I guess I should actually be hoping that this is my last Spring Break, at least for a while. If I’m taking a week off next March, it either means that I’m lacking a real job or I just had a kid. Ugh. Yeah, I still have another fall break to look forward to since I’m on the 4.5-year plan (better
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than five, Mom), but it ain’t the same. Fall break is usually wet, dreary and cold. It’s not late enough in the season for snow and it’s not early enough to catch those crisp fall days that make you want to pull on your gloves, tie on your boots and take deep breaths of cold, sunny air. Spring Break is also superior to fall because it is free from holidays and their obligations, pleasantries and potential awkwardness. You can leave the state for a whole week and not feel guilty about missing Thanksgiving because “It might be Great Aunt Mildred’s last.� To celebrate this time-honored and muchneeded week off from reality, buzz has dedicated this issue to Spring Break. No matter what your plans are, we have something for you: Relaxing at home? Check out page 11 for some horror fi lm ideas, and then head to the video store for a weekend of vegging. Heading down to some warm paradise where girls go wild and alcohol fl ows freely? Read page 14 for some advice about emergency contraception — it can be effective for up to five days after unprotected sex. Living the in the real-world reminiscing about your past? Turn to page four to hear tales of Spring Breaks past. Until next week.
sounds from the scene
Mar. 23
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buzz weekly •
ALRIGHT, VIRGINS TO THE LEFT, NON-VIRGINS TO THE RIGHT.
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michael coulter FIRST THINGS FIRST
Baseball season is underway Lessons About Not Hugging Anyone From The Opposing Team
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ote: Since the students are on a little break this week, I decided I should take a break also. Not a break in the sense that I won’t write a column, but instead a break in the sense that I’ll write a column that I may enjoy more than the readers. Who am I kidding, I probably won’t enjoy it much either. Baseball season is about to begin and the next seven months my life will seem normal. Granted, my l ife, in genera l, is probably abnormal to most folks 365 days a year, but baseball season at least gives me some needed structure. I know that most every evening I will need to be around a television or a radio so I can enjoy the games. I mean, each team only plays 162 of them a year and it would really be a shame to miss any of them. I was taken aback the other day when I heard someone comment that they no longer cared about the baseball season because it was just a bunch of steroid infested freaks hitting home runs. I must admit, I at least agree with the latter part of the statement. The home run is the most boring play in baseball. If you’re watching a game w ith a g roup of people, the home run can be made more exciting by drinking a shot every time a player hits one, but that can really get messy if it’s a 12-13 game ... I digress. I have trouble agreeing with the f irst part of the statement, but that home run thing, I’m on board. I think the problem with baseball right now might be the same problem with our lives in general, the home run ball. Many teams are more than happy to stand around and wait for something big to happen. They don’t want to grind away and work hard every pitch, every at bat, every inning, every game. They want to make a big splash, the grand gesture of a guy knocking the piss out of the ball, the easy score. While that’s a part of baseball, it’s not really my favorite part. It doesn’t always work out so well either. Last year, the W h ite Sox had amazing pitching, but they also didn’t stand around waiting for a home run. They bunted, they hit and ran, they sacrificed, they played the game. All they ended up to show for it was a World Series trophy. Sure, they smacked some homers too, but that was almost an afterthought to their offense in general.
Some people will tell you that the home run is what saved baseball a few years ago. Those people would be full of crap. Oh, they recall the wonderment of watching Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa chase Roger Maris’s single season home run record. Um, whatever. They were on the juice, but let’s even pretend they weren’t. I’ll admit, I even got sort of swept up in the whole thing. Those two guys could swing away on every pitch because their teams weren’t trying to win games, they were just putting on a show. I was bartending the night McGwire broke the record and I remember even starting to get a little choked up, then I felt as though I might vomit. McGwire hits the home run, runs the bases, and then trots halfway to the outfield to hug Sammy Sosa. This didn’t bother me because Sosa was a Cub and I’m a Cardinal fan. It didn’t help, of course, but that wasn’t the reason it bothered me. You’re in the middle of the game and you go out and hug the guy on the opposing team? What about your teammates? How does the pitcher feel when he sees his teammate hugging the guy who just blasted a homer off of him? Can you imagine Bob Gibson trotting out to hug anyone on the opposing team? Hell, he wouldn’t even talk to anyone on the opposing team during the season, let alone hug them. If those two guys wanted to play grab ass in the clubhouse after the game, I could almost understand it. Hell, if they wanted to go to a rest area and get all freaky deeky on each other, I might even be cool with that, but don’t show up your teammates in front of a crowd. It’s called humility, some folks used to have it. People will say it was good sportsmanship, but that’s crap. These are the same candy asses who think you shouldn’t keep score in little league games because it’s too much stress on the children. Screw that. Good sportsmanship is winning and not being a dick afterwards. The favorite thing I ever heard a ball player say was to worry only about each pitch, each at bat, each fielding chance, never about the score or what could happen in the next inning, or the next at bat. Do every little thing, concentrate on every little thing, and at the end you look up at the scoreboard and see that your team won. It’s a fine way to look at anything. Sure, you can have the fleeting glory of a home run, but if you work hard and scratch out every little thing, you’ll end up winning a lot more than you’ll ever lose.
OOPS! WE MADE A MISTAKE • Although buzz strives for accuracy, we sometimes make mistakes. If you catch something we didn’t,
please let use know at buzz@readbuzz.com. When a correction is needed, it will be listed here.
sounds from the scene
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SPRING BREAK: HIGH TIDES AND LOW TIDES A compilation of the best and worst of UI students’ spring breaks
LIANNE ZHANG • AROUND TOWN EDITOR
I
t’s spring break — time for you to drop your books and hit those favorite vacation destinations for an all-out wild time. Regardless of location, it is a time where you can toss your inhibitions out the window, and do crazy things your normal self would never do, not even at U of I. Whether you are sunning it up in the tropics, or bundling up like a snow bunny, these are the memories that make college all that and then some. So fill up that Mai Tai, and read on. A few years ago, when I was in Cancun, I was leaving Fat Tuesdays [a bar] with my friends, I was getting off the party bus that took us back to our hotel, I didn’t notice the three big, steep steps, and fell down them, landing on my ass with my short skirt lifted up, for everyone to see. – Heather Steele
“My boys and I ditched the last day of classes before spring break and hit the road to Panama City. After a, shall we say, fiery road trip, we arrived in Panama City. At the beach a promotion company was sponsoring contests featuring certain couple festivities and my friend Josh, and his girlfriend at the time, decided to enter for fun. They actually won, and as the grand prize the company paid for everything. We got free drinks, VIP treatments, and anything and everything you could think of. – Brian Shields
I was on spring break with my boyfriend at the time, Ben, who is my husband now, and we went to Holden Beach, North Carolina. So, Ben’s all about being naked when he’s drunk, so he was on the beach, and decided to take his clothes off and take a nap. He had piled his swimming trunks on top of you know, his area, and thinking it was okay, he fell asleep. Of course it got windy, so his trunks blew away and he kept sleeping until we all came by later and woke him up. You know Holden Beach is a family vacation spot, so there were like, condos and families everywhere. – Angela Vonderheide
When I was on spring break in Cozumel with some of my friends, I was at Señor Frogs when they had an orgasm contest. My friends immediately told me I should enter. It started because I had a lot of practice faking orgasms in high school for this play we were doing at the time, so, you know, I was pretty good at them. Anyway, so I got on the bar and faked this orgasm and ended up winning. I had to leave the bar because so many guys kept bothering me afterwards. But I did win a lot of free shots. – Reva Kamhi
I met my boyfriend on spring break. Last year, my girls and I went to Panama City for spring break, and Marcus, who goes to Ohio University, also went with his friends. We met on spring break while playing taps. I thought he was really cute so I asked him if he wanted to make out and he said yes. Later, we went and hooked up on the beach. We’ve been together ever since. – Sarah Robbins
One spring break, I spent the whole time working as a gravedigger in Dayton, Ohio. It was court mandated.” – Dimitry Mogilevsky
Students Share Spring Break Words of Wisdom What is the essential must-bring item for spring break? “Condoms” – Heather Steele “Cups and ping pong balls for beer pong” – Angela Vonderheide “Flip-flops” – Stephanie Chung “A flask” – Kristen Pope “My cell phone, my ipod and my friend Lauren” – Laurie Schuetter
What’s the worst/best pick-up line you’ve ever used/been given? “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.” – Kunal Shah “Hey, where are you going? I’m going to get a drink. Oh, I thought you looked familiar, you’re the girl from my dreams.” – Michelle Krieg “You’re suppose to throw ice on the ground, stomp on it, and then you say ‘so now that I’ve broken the ice, what’s your name?’” – Sarah Robbins “We’re Puerto Rican, we don’t need pick-up lines.” – Josue Silen
INTRO | A ROUND TOWN | L ISTEN, HEAR | CU CALENDAR | STAGE, S CREEN &
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sounds from the scene
Mar. 23
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3 0 , 2 oo 6
buzz weekly •
YOUR MAMA HAS THE FACE OF A MAKERAL.
seth fein THE LOCAL SNIFF
Coming at you live from Austin, Texas The Sniffer reports from the South by Southwest music convention
FIRST SNIFF — SOUTH BY SOUTHWEST (SXSW) EDITION It’s amazing; the amount of bullshit one must claw through in order to properly enjoy oneself at their spring destination. Imagine a perpetually filled nightclub with every single kind of degenerate music-business type trying to find out whether or not they should be speaking with you or someone else. That is what it’s like. The official SXSW handshake? Look over both shoulders of a person while you’re shaking their hand to see if there’s someone more important around to be talking to.
as impressive. Owen started the night with a soft set of sweet songs that he is so famous for and our very own Headlights played second. At that point, my girlfriend and I decided to take one for the team and baby-sit Simon, Polyvinyl owners Matt and Darcie Lunsford’s son, so that they might get to have one night out together during their big weekend. So, while I wasn’t there, I have to imagine that the rest of the showcase was pretty sweet. Of Montreal, Aloha, Saturday Looks Good To Me alongside the Kork Agency bands VoxTrot, Kiss Me Deadly, ...Trail of Dead and The Octopus Project is a pretty sweet lineup if you were to ask this not-so humble reporter. I was proud to see all the kids from Champaign-Urbana out, some who moved away and some whom still live in town. We have a national presence in the national music scene, and Polyvinyl is to thank in a lot of ways.
THE POLYVINYL SHOWCASE Our hometown reps one of the top-15 indie labels in the nation: Polyvinyl Records. Hard to believe really, but after some late night conversations, and looking at influence and sales, it seems to be the truth. At worst they’re top-20. AHH, SWEET HOME CHAMPAIGN-URBANA ... Given the fact that there are more than 10,000 I am having fun, but only because I know Dallas & Coyou have that I Danielle " # $ "( "" %)) "
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THERE IS A REASON IT’S CALLED MARCH MADNESS ... At SXSW, I had a choice; Ted Leo/Pharmacists or the end of the Winthrop v. Tennessee game in the first round. I went with the game. As hard as I try to deny it, I am simply in love with the NCAA tournament. Regular readers of The Local Sniff should remember last year when I came oh so close to winning big in a certain pool at a certain bar in Champaign. And as I try my luck again this year, I can’t help but feel the same way: This is no way to live. Gambling is no good, yet during these three weeks, I throw all of that away in order to feel the thrill of the upset, and perhaps, make a few bucks on the side. Lord knows after all that BBQ and beer, I could use the dough.
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the birds chirping. There will not be music blaring into my hotel window from all sides. There will only be peace, quiet, the occasional MTD bus and our own deliciously quaint but powerful indie scene. I can’t wait.
you who don’t ought to wake up and smell the Mogwai. All truth be told, I find Pulsar47’s jams to be a little more interesting than their aforementioned cousins from Scotland. They go out of their way to make songs that move in different ways at the same time and that is no easy feat. Check out the OB Web site for information on upcoming shows. FINAL WHIFF I am really looking forward to 2007. It’s the mayoral race for Champaign and I am thinking that Schweighart is going to be running to defend his incumbency. Man, he’s an easy target. Makes my job easier. But I ought to do my research this time, ask him a few questions myself before I go to the press with it. I guess I can always find him at his office. It’s that restaurant Taffies. Hell of a leader. Seth Fein is from Urbana. He is currently watching the NCAA tournament with his hand over his mouth and his finger pointed at the screen. Nothing’s better than this time of year. Nothing. He can be reached at sethfein@hotmail.com.
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INTRO | A ROUND TOWN | L ISTEN, HEAR | CU CALENDAR | STAGE, S CREEN &
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listen, hear
AND IF I BRING A LITTLE MUSIC I CAN FIT RIGHT IN “POLITICS HAPPEN AT BACKYARD BARBECUES” running time – 38:33 TATYANA SAFRONOVA • STAFF WRITER
From the Mars Volta, “We all start out frustrated and bitter and then mellow out at barbecues” to Ok Go, “Hello, my treacherous friends/and thank you for joining me here tonight,” this is the perfect playlist for catching up with high school friends and those from home at backyard bonfi res and barbecues. 01 Televators – The Mars Volta – 6:18 (De-Loused in the Comatorium) 02 House Fire – Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin – 3:22 (Broom) 03 Politik – Coldplay – 5:18 (A Rush of Blood to the Head) 04 Still Hungover – Catfish Haven – 4:59 (Please Come Back) 05 Madagascar – Gogol Bordello – 6:32 (East Infection) 06 Hello, My Treacherous Friends – OK Go – 3:01 (Ok Go) 07 Ruby’s Wishes – Unwed Sailor – 3:03 (Faithful Anchor) 08 The Horizon Has Been Defeated – Jack Johnson – 2:19 (On and On) 09 Just One Of Those Things – Diana Krall – 3:38 (De-Lovely Soundtrack)
I
ANNA STATHAM • LISTEN, HEAR EDITOR
f scantrons and pencils and papers and projects and computers with my headprint worn into the screen from a combination of me passing out on it in exhaustion and banging my head against it in frustration were consolidated into cylindrical tunnel form, spring break would defi nitely be that little shiny proverbial ball of light at the end of midterms. By the time this issue is released, I will be far, far away in the land of New York City. Other people will be far, far away in different North American countries where the law sets its standards a little more realistically. Still others will be far, far away in the city-where-the-heat-is-on-all-night-on-the-beach-til-the-breakof-dawn. But, presumably, if your eyes are reading this issue, you are stuck in Champaign. Maybe “stuck” isn’t a fair word for it. Maybe you are here by choice. If that’s the case, it could be worse. You could be at home taking the Break out of Spring Break, working your little heart off in an office or at the mall or at McDonald’s or whatever summer job it is that is desperate enough to need you when you get a spare week off school. However, I’m sure the fi fty dollars is worth it. Regardless, it really doesn’t matter that much in the end what you’re doing. Granted, the ocean would be nice. So would a tan. But at least we can all settle on the fact that we, as an entire campus, despite our various whereabouts, are free from the ball and chain that is school for a solid eight days. And to unite us all one step closer, from Cancun to Cambodia to Champaign, I will point out one other element we all have in common. Presenting to you the resolution to all your spring break problems and the driving force behind any good time: Music. Whether you are job hunting, heading off to an interview, spending time with your family, catching up with grandma, sitting on an airplane, getting in the last of your community service hours, being charitable, cultural, comatose...whatever. Whatever it is that you are doing, I will put money on it that you have access to a radio, a computer, a CD player, an MP3 player, an iPod, iTunes, headphones, or some other related listening device. With that in mind, the following playlists have been compiled by buzz staff writers to suit your various spring break plans (or lack thereof ) and ensure that at least one of your senses are properly stimulated this week. So kick back, relax and let your mind escape to the auditory oasis that is music. buzz
INTRO | A ROUND TOWN | L ISTEN, H EAR | CU CALENDAR | STAGE, S CREEN &
“A WEEK OF VICE, DEBAUCHERY AND MIRTH-MAKING MIX” running time – 35:45 SUSAN SCHOMBURG • STAFF WRITER
No matter where you spend your spring break, the title of this playlist speaks for itself. 01 Rock The Casbah – The Clash – 3:14 (Combat Rock) 02 If You’re Feeling Sinister – Belle & Sebastian – 5:21 (If You’re Feeling Sinister) 03 Debaser – The Pixies – 2:52 (Doolittle) 04 Dance Music – The Mountain Goats – 1:57 (The Sunset Tree) 05 Sing Me Spanish Techno – The New Pornographers – 4:16 (Twin Cinema) 06 Why Don’t We Do It In The Road? – The Beatles – 1:43 (White Album) 07 Decatur, or Round of Applause for your Step Mother – Sufjan Stevens – 3:03 (Illinois) 08 (I Can’t Get No) Satisfcation – The Rolling Stones – 3:45 (Out of Our Heads) 09 Caress Me Down – Sublime – 3:32 (Sublime) 10 Kidney In A Cooler – Keller Williams – 6:02 (Loop)
“VACATION ISN’T ALWAYS SYNONYMOUS WITH FUN – SHITTY DESTINATIONS TO GO ON SPRING BREAK” running time – 47:40 CARLYE WISEL • STAFF WRITER
Let’s face it – when we think of songs that really sum up Spring Break, songs that truly get the gist of it, what do we imagine? Possibly a little of Will Smith’s “Miami,” or a bit of Guns N’ Roses’ “Paradise City”? Let these tunes set you straight – not all vacation spots are a blast. 01 Massachusetts – Bee Gees – 2:25 (Best of) 02 Sodom, South Georgia – Iron & Wine – 4:59 (Our Endless Numbered Days) 03 Jesusland – Ben Folds – 4:31 (Songs for Silverman) 04 Atlanta – Stone Temple Pilots – 5:18 (No. 4) 05 Commerce, TX – Ben Kweller – 3:52 (Sha Sha) 06 Evansville – John Scofield – 5:55 (Flat Out) 07 Mason City – The Fiery Furnaces – 8:15 (Blueberry Boat) 08 Lowell, MA – Death Cab for Cutie – 3:28 (We Have the Facts and We’re Voting Yes) 09 Jacksonville – Sufjan Stevens – 5:24 (Illinois) 10 Omaha – Counting Crows – 3:39 (August and Everything After)
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sounds from the scene
Mar. 23
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3 0 , 2 oo 6
buzz weekly •
THINK LOCALLY, FUCK GLOBALLY.
“WHEN MY MOM HEARS THESE SONGS SHE WISHES I HADN’T COME HOME FOR BREAK” running time – 68:45 BRIAN MCGOVERN • STAFF WRITER
The following songs will guarantee roughly an hour and ten minutes of quality mother-son bonding time. 01 Grass – Animal Collective – 2:59 (Feels) 02 Dance Hall – Modest Mouse – 2:57 (Good News For People Who Love Bad News) 03 Song Against Sex – Neutral Milk Hotel – 3:40 (On Avery Island) 04 Such A Twat – The Streets – 3:47 (A Grand Don’t Come For Free) 05 Fix Up, Look Sharp – Dizzee Rascal – 3:44 (Boy In Da Corner) 06 Add It Up – Violent Femmes – 4:43 (Violent Femmes) 07 Broken Face – The Pixies – 1:30 (Surfer Rosa) 08 One Armed Scissor – At The Drive-In – 4:19 (Relationship of Command) 09 Who’s Got the Crack? – The Moldy Peaches – 3:25 (The Moldy Peaches) 10 Less Than You Think – Wilco – 15:04 (A Ghost Is Born) 11 Heroin – The Velvet Underground – 7:12 (The Velvet Underground and Nico) 12 Puff The Magic Dragon (original rejected version) – Broken Social Scene – 7:47 (See You on the Moon!) 13 Whoop That Trick – DJay – 4: 26 (Hustle and Flow Original Soundtrack) 14 Fuck the Pain Away – Peaches – 4:08 (The Teaches of Peaches)
“I’M DREAMING OF A WHITE SANDY BEACH”
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soundground #117 THIS WEEK IN MUSIC TODD HUNTER • STAFF WRITER
“T
urn on ... log in ... get heard,” an article in Computer Music Special 2006 of Computer Music Magazine, starts off about A r c t i c M o n k e y s a nd dovetails into a four-page interview with drum-andbass duo Triple Whip! At the end of the month, Triple Whip will record a three-song demo with Mark Rubel to showcase its new instrumental sound. Next month, Green St. Records will release the last Triple Whip song with former frontman Santanu Rahman, “Feels Wrong.” Triple Whip is one of the nine University of Illinois acts on the third annual Green St. Records compilation, Crescendo. Tomorrow at Cowboy Monkey, American Minor returns with The Thieves and The Frauds in tow; The Blue Van had to cancel. Show time is 10 p.m., and cover is $7. Then Saturday at Cowboy Monkey, Emotional Rec Club and
Mad Science Fair appear with Magnus and Bring Back the Guns. This show is also at 10 p.m., and cover is $5. I confess: I was skeptical when Joe’s Brewery was advertised as a new venue for live music. I hardly recognized the place, though: an uncramped performance space aglow with black light before a cozy front counter, a sea of tables, and ample standing room. Vintage concert posters around the door spruce up the place, and mirrors along the opposite wall make it appear roomier. In extreme contrast to my expectation of pole dancing in the dark, Joe’s Brewery is the most comfortable place on campus to check out new music now. Shrink Wrap resumes there Tuesday with Shipwreck. Todd J. Hunter hosts WEFT Sessions and Champaign Local 901, two hours of local music every Monday at 10 p.m. on WEFT 90.1 FM. Send news to soundground@excite.com. Support your scene to preserve your scene.
running time – 38:37 CHRISTINA RODRIGUEZ
• CONTRIBUTING WRITER
WHAT THE HELL?! moment of the week
From the beginning of the day lounging on the beach until late at night partying at the club, this playlist has songs that span the entire day – appropriate for morning, noon and night.
sounds from the scene
KYLE GORMAN • STAFF WRITER
Yanni
PHOTO COURTESY OF MSN.COM
01 Sun is Shining – Bob Marley – 2:11 (Soul Rebel) 02 Dreams be Dreams – Jack Johnson – 2:12 (On and On) 03 Universally Speaking – The Red Hot Chili Peppers – 4:19 (By the Way) 04 Andalucia – Pink Martini – 3:37 (Sympathique) 05 I Am Somebody – Santana – 4:02 (All That I am) 06 I Want To Break Free – Queen – 4:23 (The Works) 07 Lights – Journey – 3:08 (Infinity) 08 I Wanna Have Some Fun – Samantha Fox – 5:00 (I Wanna Have Some Fun) 09 Sing It Back – Moloko – 3:35 (All Back to the Mine) 10 Sabor a Melao (Salsa Remix) – Daddy Yankee – 3:39 (Barrio Fino) 11 Zambita – Gustavo Santaolalla – 2:31 (The Motorcycle Diaries Soundtrack)
Romantic dinners, caviar and candlelight. Beachfront properties and new-age music. Domestic violence? Greek new-age pianist Yanni was arrested by Florida cops after a spat with livein girlfriend Silvia Barthes. She allegedly called police after he assaulted her, but he also claims that his girlfriend kicked him and may have injured his finger (oh, that his arpeggios don’t suffer!). This news isn’t all bad though: maybe Barthes will turn out to be the new-age Tina Turner.
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cu calendar
THU. MARCH 23 Live Bands Heartland Jazz Orchestra Iron Post, 7pm, $3 Rainer Maria, Scout Niblett, Planes Mistaken For Stars, Red Yellow, Kingdom of Mistakes Canopy Club, 7pm, $10 in advance / $12 Caleb Rose Bowl Tavern 9pm, free Will Rogers Band Neil St. Pub, 10pm, free Shovelwrack White Horse Inn, 10pm, free Anger Management Tommy G’s, 10pm, free Quad Remedy, The Breaks Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, $4
DJ Generic DJ Jackson’s Ribs-NTips, 8pm, cover DJ J-Phlip, DJ Mertz with DJ Bozak Soma, 8pm, cover DJ Sped Joe’s Brewery 10pm, cover DJ Limbs Boltini 10:30pm, free
DJ Asiatic Highdive 10pm, $5 Circuit Pulse: SorceryKid Chester Street Bar 10pm, $3 DJ Resonate, DJ Boardwalk Mike & Molly’s 10pm, cover DJ Who Joe’s Brewery 10pm, cover DJ Mertz Boltini, 10:30pm free
International Coffeehouse Wesley Foundation 4pm, free Etc. Coffeehouse Wesley Foundation, 9pm, free
“Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire” Virginia Theatre 7pm, $3
SAT. MARCH 25 Live Bands
DJ
Film: “Fun with Dick and Jane” Virginia Theatre, 7pm, $3
FRI. MARCH 24 Live Bands Billy Galt Blues Barbecue 11:30am, free Jeff Helgesen Quartet Iron Post, 5pm, free Boneyard Jazz Quintet Cowboy Monkey, 5:30pm, $2 Martini Brothers Hubers 8pm, free Heavy-Handed, From These Remains, Midshift Canopy Club, 9pm, cover Country Connection Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, $1 Treologic with Krukid Nargile 9pm, cover Kilborn Alley Iron Post 9pm, $3 Will Rogers Band Neil St. Pub, 10pm, $3 Leather Pistols Tommy G’s 10pm, cover American Minors, The Thieves, The Frauds Cowboy Monkey 10pm, $7
DJ DJ Elise Boltini, 6pm, free DJ Bozak Soma, 8pm, cover DJ Delayney Barfly 10pm, free
Though quite an expert on insect and human cohabitation and their effects on one another, I am embarrassingly uninformed on household pet ailments. One in particular I’d like to know: can small kittens get asthma just like small people can? That answer will surely remain a mystery for decades to come, but in the meantime you can see two great acts from the record label named Asthmatic Kitty; Liz Janes and Half-Handed Cloud.
Signings
Why yes, that is the label which Sufjan Stevens is featured on! Yeah, I love him too, who doesn’t? Well, did you know Liz Janes and John Ringhofer (the man behind HH Cloud) are both members of Stevens’ backing band, The Illinoisemakers? If you saw his show this past September in Urbana, Liz opened and sang back up while John played the trombone and sported a crazy beard. Now touring on their own, they can really show off their own genius and musical expertise.
Family Fun
Liz Janes, with her distinct and beautiful voice, released a new album in collaboration with Create (!) a jazz collective from LA. It features reworkings of ancient blues, folk and slave spirituals with new and raw additions. Often accompanied by ukulele, Janes sings with a certain conviction and openness not seen often among modern musicians.
Under the Sea Event [four free projects in a fun fishy theme. Ages 5-12] Michaels Arts and Crafts 10am, free
Much of Half-Handed Cloud’s music deals with spirituality and the they often make the songs seem like a pure, religious moment themselves. They are bright, happy and catchy but it’s only a flash, a moment, and then they’re finished. Half-Handed’s songs are insanely short but filled with wonderful instrumentation and an undeniable pop sensibility. Adriel Harris, of the U.C.’s Elanors will also perform.
SUN. MARCH 26 Live Bands Afternoon Drive Iron Post 7pm, $3 Crystal River Band Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, free
Miscellaneous Home & Garden Show [more than 140 exhibitors will be present] Assembly Hall 11am, free
MON. MARCH 27
– Brian McGovern
Liz Janes
Live Bands
DJ Bozak Soma, 8pm, cover MJ Wave Tracks Sportsbar & Nightclub, 10pm, free before 10pm DJ Asiatic Highdive 10pm, $5 Dj Baby Face Nargile 10pm, cover DJ Naughty Boy Joe’s Brewery, 10pm, cover DJ Elise Boltini 10:30pm, free
Feudin’ Hillbillys Rose Bowl Tavern, 6pm, free Michael Davis Bentley’s Pub 7pm, free ParaDocs Iron Post 7:30pm, $2 Rehearsal Space: Ambitious Pie Party Canopy Club, 9pm free Open Mic Night Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, free Finga Lickin The Office 10:30pm, free
DJ
Lectures/Discussions
DJ Delayney Barfly 10pm, free Metal Mondays: DJ Dirtleg, DJ J Vance Highdive, 10pm, free Jazz Night Nargile 10pm, free
“Building Critical Consciousness Among Asian American College Students” Education Building, 1:30pm, free “Trusting Edison: From Speculative Belief to Reliably Reconstitution Phenomena” [Charles Bazerman, Professor at UCSB, will speak] Levis Faculty Center
Karaoke Champaigndj.com presents Karaoke Phoenix, 9pm, free
4pm, free “Piled Higher and Deeper” [lecture by Jorge Cham] Material Sciences and Engineering Building 5:30pm, free Collection in Context: “Le Corbusier” [by Marcel Franciscono] Krannert Art Museum, 12pm, free
Comedy Spicy Clamato Illini Union 8pm, free De Bono Courtyard 9pm, free
Girl Scout Camp Work Day Girl Scouts — Green Meadows Council Belong to a big group that wants to get active in the community? April 29 is the day for you. Up to 200 volunteers are needed to do a large variety of jobs including painting, moving trash, hammering nails and many more at the Girl Scout Camp in Mahomet. Basically, there is a job for every skill level. The workday lasts from 8 a.m. until 1 p.m. so you can volunteer in the morning and have the entire day to do whatever you please. Call Deborah Faircloth at (217) 328-5112 for more information. –Todd Swiss
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art & theater
Cockroaches, studies have shown, appear to foster or release something into the atmosphere which causes asthma. Young children in homes and buildings with cockroach infestations are much more likely to develop respiratory problems than children in roach-less environments. This is, surprisingly, a true fact and one with an important lesson — don’t give your small children cockroaches as pets.
Home & Garden Show [more than 140 exhibitors will be present] Assembly Hall 9am, free Etc. Coffeehouse Wesley Foundation, 9pm, free
Film
Film
Karaoke
Miscellaneous
Miscellaneous
Liquid Courage Karaoke Radmaker’s Billiard and Sports Bar, 7pm, free “G” Force Karaoke Pia’s of Rantoul, 9pm, free Karaoke Fat City Saloon 9pm, free Karaoke by Paul Faber Dragon Productions Jillian’s Billiards Club, 9pm, free Liquid Courage Karaoke The Office, 10pm, free
Swing Dance McKinley Foundation, 9:30pm, free
“G” Force Karaoke American Legion Post 71, 8pm, free Liquid Courage Karaoke Geo’s 9pm, free
Liquid Courage Karaoke The Brickhouse, 9pm, free
Punk, Ska, Hardcore Show: Manic Sewing Circle, The Decoy, The Latex Nuns, Alleyway Sex, Roberta Sparrow McKinley Foundation, 6pm, $5 Impalas Hubers, 8pm, free Country Connection Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, $1 Hillbilly Jones Iron Post 9pm, $4 Will Rogers Band Neil St. Pub, 10pm, $3 Kashmir Tommy G’s, 10pm cover Emotional Rec Club, Magnus, Bring Back the Guns, Mad Science Fair Cowboy Monkey 10pm, $5
Dancing
Karaoke
“Ghosthunting Illinois” [John Kachuba will discuss and sign copies of his book] Borders, 1pm, free
Karaoke
Liz Janes Half-Handed Cloud Adriel Harris Canopy Club, $7 March 29th, 9 p.m.
TUE. MARCH 28 Live Bands
Crystal River Band Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, free Adam Wolf, Mike Bray Tommy G’s 9:30pm Shrinkwrap: Shipwreck Joe’s Brewery, 10pm, free
Concerts Sounds from the Violin [David Harrington, violinist for Kronos Quartet will play] University YMCA, 12pm free Kronos Quartet: Visual Music Krannert Center 7:30pm, $29
DJ DJ XM Nargile, 9pm, free Subversion: DJ Evily, DJ Twinscin Highdive, 10pm, $2
DJ Hoff, DJ Gambino Mike N Molly’s, 10pm, cover DJ Tremblin BG Barfly 10pm, free Atomic Age Cocktail Party: Jason Croft Cowboy Monkey 10pm, free DJ J-Phlip Boltini 10:30pm, free
Dancing Latin Dance Night McKinley Foundation, 9:30pm, $1
Karaoke Liquid Courage Karaoke Geo’s 9pm, free
Lectures/Discussions “Rom Musiciands- Endangered Mediators in Kosovo?” International Studies Building 12pm, free Food for Thought Lunch Seires: “Tired of the Model Minority Myth?” Asian American Cultural Center, 12pm, free “Realizing Human Rights: Access to HIV/AIDS Related Medication and the Role of Civil Society in South Africa” [Zackie Achmat, chairperson, Treatment Action Campaign of South Africa, speaks.] Levis Faculty Center, 4pm, free “The Mars Exploration Rover Mission” [Professor Steven W. Squyres from Cornell University will speak] Foellinger Auditorium, 7pm, free Mitch Albom: “From Morrie to Heaven: Searching for a Meaningful Life” [Albom, author of “Tuesdays with Morrie” and “Five People You Meet in Heaven” will speak.] Krannert Center, 6pm, $5 “What is a Tropical Gothic? Colonial Modernity and Revolution in NIneteenth-Century Phillipines” Asian American Cultural Center, 10pm, free
Miscellaneous “Iron Chef: Lumpia Cook off” Asian American Cultural Center, 6pm, free
Pattern Language: Clothing as Communicator [This exhibition highlights the ways in which artists go beyond the everyday utility of clothing and instead use garments as a format to critique standard notions about clothing, fashion and society, and to invent new forms of communication between wearers, their clothes, and the fashion system. The exhibition includes historical work, contemporary projects and new proposals and interactive and wearable editions, some commissioned specifically for this project.] Krannert Art Museum through April 9
Uninterrupted Flux: Hedda Sterne, A Retrospective [Hedda Sterne’s impressive art career began in the late 1930s when she exhibited with the Surrealists in Paris and her career continues into the present. Despite her dynamic body of work, Sterne has been almost completely ignored in art historical narratives of the post-war American art scene. Uninterrupted Flux: Hedda Sterne, A Retrospective brings together almost 100 works from museums across the country and Sterne’s own collection.] Krannert Art Museum through March 26
tic truth, and the resurgence of realism in art and literature. This series of exhibitions and talks will combine IPRH’s acknowledged strengths in humanities scholarship with OPENSOURCE’s burgeoning reputation as a site for innovative art and curatorial practice.] IPRH through March 31
Project 66: An Exploration of Utopia Inspired by the Works of Ilya and Emilia Kabakov [Project 66 is both an installation and a website created by a group of students from the School of Art and Design, the Department of Computer Science and other campus units. To learn more about the project visit the following website: http://orchid.cs.uiuc. edu/people/adamczyk/final.] Krannert Art Museum through July 30
2006 National Biennial Ceramics Invitational Parkland Art Gallery through March 29
In Human Form [20 artists explore how we portray ourselves] Verde Gallery through April 1
Spectacles of the Real – Truth and Representation in Art and Literature [The Illinois Program for Research in the Humanities has joined with OPENSOURCE Art to investigate the relation between realism, the “real” and the image, philosophical realism and the idea of artis-
John Chichon, S.J. Hart, John P. Sherrod [mixed media, painting] Springer Cultural Center through March 26
Concerts
Karaoke
Ensecu Ensemble Krannert
“G” Force Karaoke T&T Tavern, 7pm, free Liquid Courage Karaoke Geovanti’s, 10pm, free
Center, 7:30pm, $5
DJ Open Decks Soma, 8pm, free DJ Stifler Highdive, 8pm, $3 before 10/$5 after Chef Ra Barfly, 10pm, free DJ Bozak Boltini, 10:30pm free
Dancing Tango Dancing Cowboy Monkey, 8-10:30pm, free Salsa Dancing Cowboy Monkey, 10:30pm, $3
WED. MARCH 29 Live Bands Irish Traditional Music Session Bentley’s Pub, 7pm, free Kayla Brown & Mike Ingram Silvercreek, 7pm, free Chambana Jackson’s Ribs-NTips, 8pm, cover Jazz Sandwich Iron Post 8pm, $3 Liz Janes, Half-Handed Cloud, Adriel Harris Canopy Club 9pm, $7
PUZZLE pg. 25
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“Rantoul and Die” [Mark Roberts, writer and director of last season’s phenomenal success, Welcome to Tolono, returns with an outrageous, hilarious and bitter comedy. Set just down the road, and on the other side of the tracks, Rantoul and Die is about...well...love and devotion. And rejection. And desperation. And despair. And ice cream.] Station Theatre, March 23-26, 2931, April 1-2, 5-8 8 p.m., $12
Life Drawing Sessions [drop-in sessions to practice and improve your life drawing skills] Sundays from 1-4 p.m. at the Independent Media Center, $8. Contact Kindra Crick at 352-4668; kindredspark@gmail.com for details. One-Acts: “The Doctor in Spite of Himself” and “Scapino” [A double feature. The first is about an arrogant woodcutter, whose “superiority” is put to the test when his wife convinces two servants sent to fetch a doctor for his ailing daughter that the woodcutter is a doctor. The second is about a clever servant who helps two affluent young men keep the women they love, rather than marry the women their fathers arranged for them.]
#
T O
“On the Cusp of Phoenix Rising” [Performance by Anida Yoeu Esguerra.] Illini Union Courtyard, March 29 7 p.m., free
R E M E M B E R T H I S :
R E M E M B E R
“Campfire Jim” Tommy G’s 9:30pm, free
H Y D R A N T T H U R S D AY S $10 Hydrants $2 Captains $4 Long Islands
E N E R G Y B O M B F R I D AY S
Comedy
this one
was on you. ...and this one was on him.
$2 Bombs $4 Vodka/Energy Drinks
B A C A R D I S AT U R D AY S $2.50 Bacardi Drinks and Bombs
D . A . M . N . S U N D AY S (Dinner And a Movie Night) AYCE (All you can eat special 5pm-9pm) Movie Begins at 9pm $5 Wine Bottles $6 Pitchers of Lite &1.25 Bottles of Lite
Billy Galt Blues Barbecue 11:30am, free
VISIT WWW.CUCALENDAR.COM FOR THE MOST CURRENT EV ENTS AND TO ADD YOUR OWN.
M A R T I N I M O N D AY S
217.344.4171
www.firehausbar.com IN
Rantoul Theatre Group, March 24-26 Fri and Sat performances at 8 p.m., Sun at 2 p.m. $10
MOMENT
Lectures/discussions “Gender and the Cultural Origins of Children’s Librarianship” [Kate McDowell, visiting lecturer in GSLIS, will speak] Gender and Women’s Studies Building 12pm, free
Photographs by Nick Mann [beautifully detailed pictures record a wide range of subjects, from stark rural landscapes and lovely wildflowers to familiar UIUC landmarks and lush canyon vistas] Pages For All Ages through March 31
Vitamin C - It’s Good for You! [Ceramics exhibition curated by Professor Ron Kovatch, School of Art and Design, U of I. Features work by some of the best ceramic artists in Illinois] Cinema Gallery through April 15
sounds from the scene
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$4 Martinis $1.25 Bud/Bud Light Bottles $3 Microbrews
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10 •
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I LIKE TO SLURP THE SUGAR-MILK.
Mar. 23
•
3 0 , 2 oo 6
FEATURED EVENTS
Ronald K. Brown/Evidence Saturday, April 1 at 7:30pm
THIS WEEK AT
Praised as one of the most profound choreographers of his modern dance generation by The New York Times, Ronald K. Brown blends African, modern, ballet, and hip-hop dance styles to tell stories about what is important about the human experience. He and his remarkable company of virtuosos present Upside Down, Brown’s signature work mixing African and contemporary dance; Grace, a stunning dance created for the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater; and Come Ye, a powerful work depicting the struggle for peace amidst human conflict, inspired by the music and sociopolitical legacies of Nina Simone and Fela Kuti.
K R A N N E RT C E N T E R F O R T H E P E R F O R M I N G A RT S
Talkback: after the show, free Flex: $30 / SC & Stu 29 / UI & Yth 13 Single: $32 / SC & Stu 31 / UI & Yth 15 Patron Sponsors: Jerald Wray and Dirk Mol Corporate Silver Sponsor: The Daily Illini
Tu Mar 28
We Mar 29
More School of Music
Know Your University Series: Kronos Quartet founder David Harrington University YMCA 12 noon, free
Kronos Quartet DJ Session Smith Memorial Hall 11am, free
Mo Mar 27
Kronos Quartet: Visual Music 7:30pm, $20-$30
This presentation is supported by the Heartland Arts Fund, a program of Arts Midwest funded by the National Endowment for the Arts with additional contributions from General Mills Foundation, Land O’Lakes Foundation, Sprint Corporation, and the Illinois Arts Council.
Patron Sponsors: Alice and John Pfeffer Patron Co-sponsors: Joy Thornton Walter and John Walter
Mark Morris Dance Group Saturday-Sunday, April 8-9 at 7:30pm
Illinois Program for Research in the Humanities Curtain Call Discussion 9:30pm, free
Now celebrating its 25th anniversary as one of the world’s leading dance companies, the Mark Morris Dance Group’s commitment to presenting dance to live music finds them collaborating with Sinfonia da Camera this year. The orchestra performs Darius Milhaud’s La Creation du Monde as MMDG presents the 2005 dance Cargo. The MMDG music ensemble is on hand for the 1995 creation Somebody’s Coming to See Me Tonight to Stephen Foster songs, and the 1997 dance Rhymes with Silver to a commissioned score by Lou Harrison.
Kronos Quartet Masterclass Smith Memorial Hall 1pm, free Conversation with Kronos School of Music Auditorium 4pm, free Enescu Ensemble 7:30pm, $2-$6
Th Mar 30 Krannert Uncorked 5pm, free Intimate Apparel 7:30pm, $6-$13
Talkback: after both shows, free Afterglow: after the April 8 show, lobby, free Flex: $34 / SC & Stu 33 / UI & Yth 18 Single: $36 / SC & Stu 35 / UI & Yth 20
Colloquium with Steven Lubin, piano/musicology 4pm, Smith Memorial Room, free
Th Mar 30 Paradox Saxophone Quartet 12:15pm, Beckman Institute Atrium, free School of Music Auditorium, 1114 W Nevada, Urbana Smith Memorial Hall, 805 S Mathews, Urbana Beckman Institute, 405 N Mathews, Urbana
Enjoy Krannert Center to the fullest! Intermezzo Breakfast, lunch, supper, dessert 7:30am-3:30pm on non-performance weekdays 7:30am through performances on weekdays 90 minutes before and through performances on weekends Interlude Cocktails and conversation 90 minutes before and through performances The Promenade Gifts, cards, candy, and more 10am-6pm Monday-Saturday One hour before to 30 minutes after performances
Patron Co-sponsors: Anna and Richard Merritt Nancy and Ed Tepper
333.6280 8 0 0 . K C PAT I X
Patron Season Sponsors Rosann and Richard Noel
Marquee performances are supported in part by the Illinois Arts Council— a state agency which recognizes Krannert Center in its Partners in Excellence Program.
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IN
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Corporate Power Train Team Engine Members
40˚ North and Krannert Center, working together to put Champaign County’s culture on the map.
sounds from the scene
stage, screen & i n b e t w e e n
11
SCARE YOUR WAY INTO SPRING BREAK
Top ten horror flicks... Jason, Freddy and Michael Myers excluded JEFF GROSS • STAFF WRITER
O
K, so it’s spring break. You’re sitting around the house and you don’t know what to do. You head over to the video store, maybe with your girlfriend or a group of buddies, and start looking around for something to rent. You come to the horror section, where several horror films catch your eye. But which ones are good? You’ve seen plenty of bad horror films that looked promising before. Well worry no more, buzz readers. Here’s a list of ten great horror films, guaranteed to give you your money’s worth in spooks and blood. I’ve omitted most of the genre’s staples, such as Halloween, assuming that you’ve already seen them.
8 HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER — Monster, eat your heart out. Based on the true life story of serial killer Henry Lee Lucas, Henry is a raw tale of how disturbed the human mind can be. Michael Rooker delivers a superb performance that is grittier than Aileen Wuornos and more sadistic than Hannibal Lecter. Again, please avoid the sequel!
film, along with the best use of a power tool since The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Two girls go home for spring break to study for school, only to be attacked by a deranged madman. 5 SUSPIRIA — Italian horror maestro Dario Argento’s masterpiece of surrealist horror is an artistic triumph of mise en scène, bearing fantastic cinematography and lighting. Suspiria also boasts what is quite possibly the best and most elaborate death scene in any film. Suspiria is not the scariest movie, but it is definitely one of the most imaginative, as strange happenings and disappearances go on at the Tanner school of dance…
7 DEAD ALIVE — Before Lord Of The Rings and King Kong, there was Bad Taste and The Frighteners. Like Sam Raimi, Peter Jackson got his start in horror films before abandoning his roots in favor of mainstream blockbusters. Dead Alive (also known as Braindead) is Jackson’s magnum opus of gore and comedy, which remains a cult classic favorite of many horror lovers. Oh yeah, the plot: a cursed Samaritan rat monkey spreads a zombie plague upon a small New Zealand town.
4 MAY — In this modern day tale of Frankenstein, Angela Bettis plays May, a lonely young woman who just wants to be loved. As May gets to know people better, she quickly learns that she only likes parts of them...a genuinely creepy debut from director Lucky McKee.
6 HIGH TENSION — Alexandre Aja’s debut film is violent, graphic, and promising. Watching High Tension, you can tell that Aja grew up on ’70s/’80s grindhouse horror. He knows how to effectively deliver both gore and terror. While the plot twist towards the end is a bit ridiculous (but fitting, if you think about it closely and recall the opening scene), it does not hinder the film. High Tension boasts some of the most graphic gore in any
3 THE DEAD QUADRILOGY — Pick anyone of ‘em. You’ve got Night (’68), Dawn (’78), Day (’85), and Land (’05) to choose from. It would be unfair to list each one individually, because they’d take up too much list space. My personal favorite is Dawn of the Dead, but Night of the Living Dead is definitely the creepiest of the four. Each one gets cumulatively gory. Director George A. Romero remains the master of zombies.
sounds from the scene
NEW LINE CINEMA
9 AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON — The director of Animal House gives us a new kind of animal in this horror-comedy classic about a boy who is bitten by a werewolf one night. The film deservingly won an Academy Award for Rick Baker’s work on what remains the most graphic and innovative transformation scene in a werewolf film to date. American Werewolf in London remains the best of the lycanthrope films from the 80s and has earned Landis a place in horror history. Avoid the sequel at all costs!
UNIVERSAL PICTURES
10 SESSION 9 — Brad Anderson’s directorial debut is a genuinely atmospheric haunted house tale set in an abandoned mental institution. In the tradition of The Shining, the building itself is made out to be its own, mysterious and ominous character. While the film does falter in the third act, the first two are solid enough to hold the story together. Guaranteed to give you the chills; even I had to flip on the lights once.
2 TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (the original) — It’s the original dead teenager film that sparked the grindhouse genre. Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a classic that cannot be ignored. Five college students out on a road trip get picked off one by one by a family of cannibals. TCM introduced us to the chainsaw wielding “Leatherface,” and sparked several awful sequels and an even worse remake. Still as effective now as it was then, the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre packs a plethora of scares. Best use of a chainsaw, ever. 1 THE EVIL DEAD — This film is a cult classic. It’s the film that made Bruce Campbell a cult figure, launched Sam Raimi’s career as a director, and is one of the few films that has truly scared me. Watch it late at night, preferably alone, on a big screen T.V. in a dark room with the volume up: this film is guaranteed to make you jump. If you thought The Exorcist was terrifying, this film will make you poop your pants. The Evil Dead remains the most terrifying possession film to date. Check out the sequels if you get the chance. And there you have it. Ten solid f ilms from the underappreciated and often misrepresented horror genre. Just in case you’ve seen some of those before, I’ve also included an additional list of honorable mention horror f licks in no specif ic order: Audition, Demons, The Thing, Re-animator, Bride of Reanimator, Return of the Living Dead, Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror, Shadow of the Vampire, and Stir of Echoes. buzz
INTRO | A ROUND TOWN | L ISTEN, HEAR | CU CALENDAR | STAGE , S CREEN &
IN
B ETWEEN | CLASSIFIEDS | THE STINGER
12 •
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Mar. 23
YOUR MOM WATCHES HORROR MOVIES.
THE LIBERTINE
AQUAMARINE MAUREEN GOMBAS • STAFF WRITER
PAUL PRIKAZSKY • LEAD REVIEWER
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MIRAMAX FILMS
fter a year of sitting on the shelves, the studios have finally released The Libertine, the tale of the debauched Restoration poet John Wilmot, Second Earl of Rochester. Johnny Depp plays the 17th century bad boy—a lustful protagonist with a penchant for women, booze, and all things taboo—whose seeming insatiable appetite for self-destruction eventually leads to his demise. Upon returning to London after an exile mandated by Charles II ( John Malkovich), Wilmot again indulges in his smirking no holds barred THE LIBERTINE • SAMANTHA MORTON & JOHNNY DEPP rebellion. But because Wilmot is venomously charming and a brilliant satirist, Charles commissions him to write one can hardly imagine a line forming around a play for the French king. Unfortunately, “dis- the block to get tickets. First time director Laurence Dunmore’s style cretion” has no basis in Wilmot’s vocabulary and he gladly exploits the king’s request. When the comes off as flat and exceedingly amateurish. Too kings are not amused, Wilmot further descends much hand-held cinematography for a period piece is not artistic; it’s a poor stylistic flourish. into his world of wine and carnal desires. Johnny Depp is a chameleon in the purest sense His emphasis of ideas in The Libertine is in all the of the word. His complete physical and mental wrong places; the characters talk too much for transformations for his roles epitomize the pop- their own good. We know they’re English and ular Hollywood moniker “method actor.” Like cultured, but do we have to be beaten over the a modern day Marlon Brando (pre-excessive head with their dry wit and haughty lexicons? Then there’s the gloomiest, dingiest, unattractweight gain), Depp’s body of work is both diverse and complex. His portrayal of Wilmot is that of ive production design ever to grace the silver screen. a dark and twisted Casanova. Living in a time The very look of The Libertine not only leaves of disease and pestilence with terminal syphilis, you depressed but forces you to wonder whether Wilmot persistently infuriates the royalty with you would partake in Wilmot’s debauchery to numb yourself from the decaying surroundings his ribald conduct. The Libertine is based on Stephen Jeffreys’ as well. This murky period piece, which may be play of the same name. Originally produced an authentic portrayal of 17th century London, at the Steppenwolf Theater in Chicago, with proves to be visually unspectacular. The Libertine itself is like a cheap wine from Malkovich taking on the Wilmot role, it’s easy to imagine the story acted out on stage. On screen a discount liquor house. It may seem exotic and however, Wilmot’s lines seem over dramatized— alluring—especially with a versatile leading man strictly the work of the writer supplying the star like Depp—but the intoxication ends abruptly with Oscar-worthy speeches. If Jeffreys’ screen leaving you with a bad taste in your mouth and adaptation is anything like the source material, a cinematic hangover to boot.
efore all of us super-sweet college sophisticates roll our eyes at the thirteen-year-old girls giggling it up on the big screen, let’s take another look at why we watched The Little Mermaid video cassette over and over: mermaids are us, but cuter and cooler. And Aquamarine is the familiar, poppy, preteen confidence booster — but cuter and cooler. Think The Little Mermaid meets Mean Girls: The main point of the movie is that girls should care more about what’s on the inside than outside, and more about female friendships than romantic attachments (blah blah blah), but now there’s some myth and magic to deal with, too. And even though you’d expect the result to be so sugary-sweet that even die-hard chickflick fans might squirm, Aquamarine takes the
FAILURE TO LAUNCH SYD SLOBODNIK • STAFF WRITER
F
ailure to Launch is a new romantic comedy that in many ways is a strange blend of the classic formula of an old romantic farce from Hollywood’s golden era, where a determined woman pursues a reluctant guy, and of a contemporary tale of a 30-something bachelor who won’t leave his parent’s house. Directed by Tom Dey, and scripted by Tom J. Astle and Matt Ember, the film has a charming premise. A pair of older parents, played by Kathy Bates and former Pittsburgh Steeler, Terry Bradshaw, engage the services of a sort of interventionist named Paula to persuade their grown son, Trip, to finally leave their household. Trip, played by Matthew McConaughey, is a slacker, who prefers to spend time sailing on his boat, biking, rock climbing and having paint-
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enthusiasts and the skeptics on an unexpectedly fun ride. For the skeptics—that’s me—there is, primarily, the fun of watching some really attractive people flirting on the beach. For the previously-converted, there is the fun of watching pop singer Joanna “Jo Jo” Levesque help her best friend become more independent and act her own age ( junior high). And anyone who has heard the oddly mature lyrics to Jo Jo’s song “Get Out (Leave) Right Now” will enjoy the irony of Jo Jo’s role in the film, which is to realize that she’s not as old as she thinks. The acting of Jo Jo and Emma Roberts (Julia Robert’s niece) is sub-par, even for this genre, and the film loses a lot of important momentum by constantly cutting to their reaction to everything (which is giggling). Even considering the above, I recommend Aquamarine to anyone, girls or guys, who want to see an exotic shock of an addition to a tired genre. Both genders will love the films heart-throbs— the mermaid (Sara Paxton), whose reactions to her “new” body (feet) are entertaining and slightly provoking, and the lifeguard Raymond ( Jake McDormand), whose blue eyes and tan are a sight for study-sore eyes. Even Ariel would be jealous. ball battles with his buddies, Ace and Demo— another pair of latter day, homebody Peter Pans who ‘won’t grow up’ completely. Trip is not a virginal nerd though; whenever a girlfriend gets too serious, he takes her back home to the privacy of his boyhood bedroom and a guaranteed interruption by either mom or dad, which sends her packing. The story really becomes amusing when Paula devises her foolproof plan for extricating Trip from his parents’ abode. Paula will romance Trip with bonding techniques and schemes that will make him need Paula’s affections and he’ll finally wish to leave the nest. With great confidence, Sarah Jessica Parker’s Paula comes off as the classic ‘30s heroine of the romance comedy, like Katherine Hepburn, but as all comedies of this type, her plans will predictably backfire. While there’s not always the greatest chemistry between Parker and McConaughey; the script drifts from the romance with too many silly guy adventures, where someone gets bit by a variety of wild animals. McConaughey does play the likeable, goofy Trip with the grace of a younger-looking Paul Newman. The awkwardly titled Failure to Launch does not live up to its title: it shows promise but fails to fulfill as a satisfying romance.
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Summer Camp Opportunities The YMCA is now accepting applications for full time summer camp staff. Positions available include Site Coordinators, Sport Camp Staff, Bus Drivers, and Camp Counselors. All applicants must be at least 18 years of age with a high school degree. Applications are available at both YMCA's or email resumes to Tamala Griffin at tamala@ccymca.net Specify which position you are applying for.
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Earn $5000 as an egg donor. Must be 20-29 and a non-smoker. Please call Alternative Reproductive Resources at 773-327-7315 to learn how you can help a family fulfill its dreams. Route Delivery Driving positions are available in the Kankakee and Decatur areas. Part-time now, full time in th summer. This comission based position offers high $ earnigs potential for a motivated responsible person not intimidated by hard work and physical lifting. we offer full/ par ttime positions with flexible ours, psme weekends are required. CDL liscence is not necessary but helpful. A clean driving and criminal record is requiried and compliance with company grooming/ uniform policy. Call 1-800-466-6096 for more info.
Apartments
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Available Now 1 bedroom $385 Campus. 367-6626
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Available Now. 2 bedroom on campus. $550 per month. 367-6626. BEST VALUE 1 BR. loft from $480. 1 Br. $395 2 BR. $495 3 BR. $750 4 BR $855 Campus. 367-6626.
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509 Stoughton Near Grainger, Spacious studios and 2 bedrooms, ethernet, parking. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182
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Fall 2006. Unique 1 & 2 bedroom apartments. All furnished, laundry, internet, and parking available. Must see!! THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182
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106 DANIEL, C. For August 2006. 1 bedroom apartments. Ethernet available. Some townhouses. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182
207- 211 JOHN Fall 2006. Prime Campus Location. 2 Bedrooms. Office at 309 S. First, Champaign. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182
307 & 310 E. WHITE 307 & 309 CLARK Fall 2006 Large studio, double closet, well furnished. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup.com 352-3182
602 E. Stoughton
604 E. White, C. Security Entrance For Fall 2006, Large 1 bedroom, 2 bedroom, loft (HUGE), furnished, balconies, patios, laundry, off-street parking, ethernet available. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182
705 W. Stoughton 3 bedroom apartment Spacious living area. Communal balcony & great backyard. Plus a bar area in kitchen. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP 352-3182
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For August 2006. Extra large efficiency apartments. Security building entry, complete furniture, laundry, off-street parking, ethernet available. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182
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306-308-309 White August 2006. 1 & 3 Bedroom furnished apts. Balconies, patios, laundry, dishwashers, off-street parking, ethernet available. 841-1996. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182 LEASING NOW AND FOR AUGUST 2006 1111 E. Main, U- 3 br, $650 1207 E. Green, U- 3 br, $900 805 S. Urbana, U- 3 br, $850 407 E. Elm, U- 1 br, $450 239-6677 or www.robesonrealestate.com
509 E. White, C. August 2006. Large 1 bedrooms. Security entry, balconies, patios, furnished. Laundry, off-street parking, ethernet available. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182
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JOHN STREET APARTMENTS 58 E. John August 2006. Two and three bedrooms, fully furnished. Dishwashers, center courtyard, on-site laundry, central air, ethernet available. Call Andy at 369-2621. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182
530
300.."5& 8"/5&% 550 1 bedroom, near campus $300 per month 367-6626 Fall 06-Summer 07, 2 BR, 1 bath, Presidential Tower, 3rd & John. Utilities included, $600/mo. Matt, (630)835-4280.
RealEstateforSale 600 $0/%04 %61-&9&4
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Now Leasing for Fall 2006! 1901 N. Lincoln Ave., Urbana 2, 3, & 4 bedroom units We offer a bathroom for each bedroom & incredible amenities that include a resort-style pool, movie theater, high-tech fitness center, computer lab & more! Capstone Quarters redefines apartment living. For Leasing information, call 217/FOR-RENT 217/367-7368 www.robesonrealestate.com
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Available Fall 2006. 1 bedroom furnished, great location. Includes parking. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, Champaign. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup95.com
Billed rate: 38¢/word
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510 S. Elm Available Fall 2006. 2 BR close to campus, hardwood floors, furnished, W/D, central air/heat, off street parking, 24 hr. maintenance. $595/mo. 841-1996. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182
Looking between the lines
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510
2 bedroom and 7 bedroom house on campus for Fall 2004. 367-6626.
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the stinger kim rice & kate ruin DOIN’ IT WELL
The Morning After, and the morning after that and ... What everyone should know about emergency contraception
T
jonesin CROSSWORD PUZZLE
“Thirty Thoughts” — my time has just come, too. Across 1 Word after Tootsie 4 Jackman who’ll play Wolverine in a 2007 film 8 It touches Tanzania 14 Academic basics, casually 15 Dairy Queen Blizzard flavor 16 Tons and tons 17 John Cusack thriller where the main characters are to turn 30 soon 19 Beach Boys title girl 20 Office ___ 21 American author who published his first short story at age 30 23 President’s tenures, so to speak 24 “OK, now where ___?” 25 Teacher’s union, for short 26 Response to “You enjoy the game?” 28 Hip scooters 32 Charlemagne’s dad, known as “The Short”
33 “Se ____ espanol” 34 Blur frontman who sings “And the mind gets dirty / As you get closer to 30” 37 Company that makes high-end audio and home theater equipment 38 Point-and-click shopping, e.g. 40 Volkswagen model 42 Baseball Hall of Famer Casey 44 IM makers 45 Wall Street events: abbr. 47 “___ be in England...” (Robert Browning) 48 He once boasted he would become a millionaire by age 30 52 Kinda dirty-sounding South American monkeys 53 Dazed 54 What G. B. Shaw said you have if you aren’t a capitalist by age 30 56 Went off like a smoke detector 57 Corrida beast
58 When the dog days hit the Dordogne 59 Fall flowers 60 Doctor-to-be’s subj. 61 Distress call Down 1 Lion packs 2 Yell behind the lunch counter 3 Ready for anything 4 Better than sexy, in Internet slang 5 Alleged mentalist Geller 6 Start to boil 7 Their fight song proclaims: “There goes old Georgetown” 8 1980 text adventure that introduced the line “You were eaten by a grue” 9 Zwei cubed 10 “Pet me!” to Fluffy 11 Phallic fruit 12 Far-from-mainstream labels 13 Yoga position called the “one seat” 18 Eyeglass frame attachments 22 Competitor
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24 Timothy Leary’s goddaughter Ryder 27 Small change? 29 Field formerly home to the Brooklyn Dodgers 30 Webzine based in Seattle 31 “They’re out to get me” feeling 33 Solo on the big screen 35 Like tag players, most often 36 Loose-fitting sleepwear 39 Allowed access for 40 Sets in balance 41 100% wrong 42 Response to an early returner 43 Part of a boxer’s stats 44 Half of Ethiopia’s capital 46 Five, in combinations 49 Gait resembling a canter 50 Theater follower 51 They’re represented by “&” 52 Gait slower than a canter 55 Two cups that don’t make a pint Answers pg. 9
o us, it’s a familiar story, but that doesn’t make it any easier for Mike. He calls the office and explains that he and his girlfriend were having sex and realized too late that the condom broke. She’s freaking out, he’s freaking out, and they’re not sure what to do. Back in the day, there would be nothing they could do but wait and take a pregnancy test. That waiting period can be an agonizing experience (as some of our readers know). But fortunately, there’s now another option. In 1998 the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved a safe and effective solution to this type of situation — emergency contraception (EC) — which has helped prevent countless unintended pregnancies. EC is sold under the brand name Plan B. The idea is that “Plan A” would be using protection like a condom or hormonal birth control to prevent pregnancies. But, if the condom breaks, if a woman forgets to take a pill, or if she is raped there’s Plan B to the rescue. It comes in a little blue box that holds two small pills made of progestin. You take it as your doctor prescribes (either one pill immediately and the second pill 12 hours later, or both pills at the same time). If taken within the first three days after unprotected sex it can be 80 percent effective in preventing pregnancy. However, it can still be effective if taken up to 120 hours (5 days) after unprotected sex. The key to Plan B is timing: the sooner it’s taken the more effective it is — down to the hour. Plan B prevents pregnancy by delaying ovulation, interfering with fertilization and may inhibit an egg from implanting into the uterus. Just to be clear, Plan B is NOT an abortion pill. If a woman is already pregnant and she takes Plan B it will have NO effect on the pregnancy ... none, zip, zero! Mike and his girlfriend were able to get Plan B from their doctor’s office the next day. She was slightly nauseous after taking the pills (a common side-effect) but her pregnancy test a few weeks later came up negative. Not all people are so fortunate. Politics have made it very hard for many to access Plan B. Some pharmacies refuse to stock and some employees at pharmacies that do stock it refuse to fill prescriptions. The federal government has refused to mention EC as an available option to prevent pregnancy in its recent report on treating rape survivors seeking medical care, and the FDA has refused to allow it to be sold over the counter despite the fact that its own panel of experts recommended doing so. People locally and nationally have been organizing to f ight these restrictions with mixed success. In Illinois, the Governor responded to
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public outcry and signed an emergency bill that requires pharmacists to fill EC prescriptions while organizers in states including California saw a victory when it was made available without a prescription. Recently another stride was made when Wal-Mart, who had previously refused to carry EC, caved into public pressure and decided to lift its nation-wide ban against stocking the drug. For many people, Wal-Mart may be the only pharmacy they have access to and the only place they can fill their prescriptions. Wal-Mart’s former policy of not carrying EC essentially allowed them to make decisions about women’s reproductive health, even though women had a prescription from a doctor in hand. Even now that they have changed this policy, don’t expect the friendly greeters to announce as you walk in “Welcome to Wal-Mart, EC now available at our pharmacy.” The company will maintain its “conscientious objection” policy, which allows any pharmacist to refer a customer to another pharmacist or pharmacy, if they do not want to fill the prescription. And we’ve also heard that is more expensive at Wal-Mart then other drug stores. No rollbacks on pregnancy prevention.
SEX 411: BE PREPARED To get an EC prescription faxed to the pharmacy nearest you, on weekends or holidays call the EC Hotline from anywhere in Illinois between 9 a.m. and 9 p.m. at 1-800-697-1357. • Know what pharmacies carry EC. For a list check out www.healthcareconsumers.org. • Celebrate Back Up Your Birth Control Day (March 21st): Ask your doctor for a prescription, and fill it to have EC on hand in case you need it. • Consider using EC if you want to avoid unintended pregnancy and your current birth control method fails, if you didn’t use a method, or if you experience forced or non-consensual sex that may cause a pregnancy. • Advocate for reproductive rights for women! •
Kim Rice & Kate Ruin are professional sex educators who want all individuals, male and female, to have control over their own bodies. E-mail your questions to riceandruin@yahoo.com. sounds from the scene
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free will astrology MARCH 23 — 30 ARIES
March 21 – April 19
Seventh grader Michael Kawa’s poem is about the official face he shows the world. “My mask helps me when I am scared and when I am embarrassed,” he writes. “My mask tells me to act like someone else when I want to act like myself. My mask tells me I should go on the Big Dipper roller coaster when I really want to go on the little rides. My mask hides me from girls and fights. My mask hides my mad mind.” Now I invite you to write about your own mask, Aries. It’s the perfect time to take inventory of your persona--the official face you show the world--and to make changes to get it into closer alignment with the person you actually are in your depths.
T A U RU S
April 20 – May 20
The Season of Dreams begins now. While you’re sleeping, you’ll be working harder than usual as you dive deeper into your subconscious mind in quest of mythic stories that can transform your waking life. Here’s a list of some of the dream themes you might encounter, along with possible interpretations. Dreams of the circus coming to town mean that maybe you should indulge a barely acknowledged need to do something that seems out of character. Dreams of having a picnic in a tree house may mean you’d benefit from not having your feet planted so firmly on the ground. Dreams of doing something unethical that makes everyone mad mean that you should explore ethical, constructive ways to express your rebellious urges. Dreams of fighting a king or queen who stole money from you might mean you should fight back against an authority that ripped you off.
GEMINI
May 21 – June 20
CANCER
June 21 – July 22
If you’re doing work you love, Gemini, your prestige will rise in the next six months. If you’re doing work you merely tolerate, you’ll experience a sharp increase in inspirations about how to remedy the situation. In the event that you actually hate your current form of employment, I believe you’ll face a crisis that will force you to either quit or negotiate significant changes. But whether your gig suits you pretty well or not so much, I encourage you to start whipping up some magic that will move you closer to your dream job.
Many of us who were born under the sign of Cancer have always felt trepidation about the fact that we’re stuck with the same name as a disease. A while back I asked my readers to suggest alternate possibilities. One of the best ideas came from amateur astronomer Michael Bird. He said that within the constellation of Cancer the Crab there is a batch of 350 closeknit stars that are collectively known as the Beehive Cluster, and also as Praesepe, which is the Latin word for “manger.” Either “Beehive” or “Manger” would serve our tribe well in the coming weeks. The astrological omens say it’s time to give birth to and nurture a new brainchild, preferably with the support of an organized hive of our busy, buzzing allies.
LEO
July 23 – Aug. 22
Even if you don’t literally take a journey to a distant place in the coming weeks, you will nevertheless be like a stranger in a strange land. I suggest that you adopt an attitude similar to that of an explorer. Here’s a list of traveling instructions from Patrick Harpur, author of The Philosophers’ Secret Fire: A History of the Imagination. “Don’t believe everything you have been told, either for good or ill. Observe local customs; respect local gods. Talk less than you listen. Don’t expect the inhabitants to speak your language; rather, try and speak theirs. Try to see as well as sightsee. Be polite but firm; take advice but do not be gullible. If in doubt, smile. Do not laugh at the natives, but do not be afraid to laugh. Do not be superior or aloof, but don’t try to dress like a native. Don’t join in the dancing unless you have learned the steps.”
VIRGO
Aug. 23 – Sept. 22
The paradoxes are coming! The paradoxes are coming! It won’t be enough merely to solve a few amusing brainteasers. You’ll have to find a way to feel perfectly fine as you get squeezed by industrial-strength contradictions that might make a less intelligent person feel crazy. Can you do it? Is it possible for
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you to remain poised and magnanimous in the face of the pressure to think impossible thoughts and feel indescribable feelings? Can you see how all three sides of every story are equally valid? The potential rewards are substantial: a crispy epiphany, a funky treasure, and the equivalent of a “Get Out of Jail Free” card.
LIBRA
Sept. 23 – Oct.22
SCORPIO
Oct. 23 – Nov. 21
S AG I T TA R I U S
Nov. 22 – Dec. 21
CAPRICORN
Dec. 22 – Jan. 19
AQUA R I U S
Jan. 20 – Feb. 18
If you own a Jaguar luxury automobile, it’s an excellent time to redo the leather interior. If you live in a trailer park on the other side of the railroad tracks, the moment is right to cover up the faux wood paneling with fancy wallpaper. And if you don’t fall into either of those categories, meditate on how you might redecorate the inside of your world, from the physical environments you frequent to the interior walls of your imagination.
I wear my hair long, like Benjamin Franklin, Isaac Newton, Jesus Christ, and the majority of the men who have lived in the Western world during the last two millennia. So even though I’m at odds with the cultural trends of the last 100 years, I’m right in alignment with more enduring ideas about masculine fashion. Try something similar, Scorpio: Meditate on how it might benefit you to get out of sync with prevailing attitudes about what’s right and good and true and cool, and instead be in style with more timeless and abiding modes.
“Neoteny” is a biological term that means the retention of juvenile characteristics into adulthood. For instance, certain small dogs with big eyes and shortened muzzles have a resemblance to puppies even after they’re full-grown. Most of us humans have personality characteristics that are for all intents and purposes neotenous. They’re throwbacks that may make us appear cute and cuddly, but that on the other hand keep us in a state of arrested development. It’s prime time to ask yourself if you have qualities like that, Sagittarius. If so, do you really want to keep cultivating them?
It’s the Introspection Season, Capricorn. I encourage you to write copiously in a journal. Here are several themes that would be fruitful to explore: (1) Your most amazing qualities and your worst qualities. (2) The hundred things you want to accomplish in the next 30 years. (3) Your bitter complaints, horrendous pain, and lost dreams. (4) Everything you love and everything that’s beautiful and everything that works. In addition to writing your heart out and your ass off, paste in cut-out pictures from magazines, draw pictures, and ask friends to write messages to you.
Once the software and brain implants are developed, we’ll all be able to benefit from the kind of instant education that was at the disposal of the dissident heroes of the three films collectively known as The Matrix. Want to learn how to pilot a helicopter? The entire skill set will be downloaded into you in a few minutes. Planning a journey to Tanzania? You’ll become a fluent speaker of Swahili in time for your departure. The technology is still years away, Aquarius, but in the coming weeks you’ll be able to enjoy the closest current approximation to it. You’ve entered the super-learning season.
PICES
Feb. 19 – March 20
“I don’t know why we are here,” wrote philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein, “but I’m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.” His feelings contrast sharply with that of the poet Robert Bly, who edited a book of sacred poems entitled The Soul Is Here for Its Own Joy. Which of these two approaches are you inclined to follow, Pisces? I believe you’re at a crossroads: The direction you choose to endorse and emphasize now will shape your destiny for a long time. Homework: What is the thing you’re so ignorant about that you barely know you’re ignorant about it? Testify at www.freewillastrology.com.
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16 •
buzz weekly
INTRO | A ROUND TOWN | L ISTEN, HEAR | CU CALENDAR | STAGE, S CREEN &
YOUR MOM READS THE BUZZ.
IN
B ETWEEN | CLASSIFIEDS | THE STINGER
Mar. 23
•
3 0 , 2 oo 6
sounds from the scene