Buzz Magazine: July 29, 2010 by Buzz Magazine

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week of July 29, 2010

a musical memorial 6 shipwreck afloat 6 well-oiled machine 11

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buzz

VOL8 NO30

JULY 29, 2010

w eekly

IN THIS ISSUE 4

CLASS UP YOUR SASS

Integrate sassafras into your culinary canon

ALL IN THE FAMILY

Cunningham Children’s Home hosts annual reunion

COLD WAR, LUKEWARM FILM 7

back.

Syd reviews Salt, starring Angelina Jolie

DAILY ILLLINI CLASSFIEDS | pointing you home

FAME AND (MIS)FORTUNE 16

TIRES & TIMELINES 5

Topless Female Dancers 18 to enter • Mon-Thur 8pm-1am • Fri-Sat 8pm-2am • $5 Cover (Always Hiring, We’ll Train)

Silver Bullet Bar

ON THE217.COM ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT Do you think any of the cast members are six degrees from Kevin Bacon? A preview of the Parkland College production of Footloose, up on Monday.

www.silverbulletbar.net MOVES & TV Dinner for Schmucks, the latest comedy starring Paul Rudd and Steve Carell, will be reviewed Saturday.

FOOD & DRINK “Ellen’s Fancy Drinks” has a new Ellen! Friday on the217.com, check out the new mojito recipe.

NOW AVAILABLE

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for your iPhone and iPod Touch

Download it FREE in the App Store today.

JM Kohfeld approaches the word “queer” in his ﬁrst LGBT column, online now.

buzz

CALENDAR

Your guide to this week’s events

MUSIC Our new classical music columnist David Ethan Chambers discusses the connections between pop and classical music. Check out the his ﬁrst column, online today.

1401 E. Washington Urbana 217.344.0937

Michael Coulter analyzes celebrity mishaps

EDITOR’S NOTE BRAD THORP

I have never really been one for making lists. I was never really into making “To-Do” lists or “Top 5” lists. But, as many other trends in my life, I am seeing this change as I continue on through my college career. I used to just rely on myself to remember things and not forget about projects or homework or meetings. Its not that I was bad at this, I would usually remember everything and get most of my tasks accomplished, I just began to see a trend when I would write these things down. My stress levels about everything began to decrease. I was more able to focus on each individual task, complete that to the best of my ability and then move on to the next item on the list. I just really appreciate finding efficient ways of doing things. It is so much better than running around, constantly worrying if I have forgotten or missed something along the way. With these “To-Do” lists, I just find I am more able to enjoy more of what I may have previously viewed as unpleasant tasks. Knowing my schedule, knowing the time I have and the work I have to get done in that time lets me slow things down a bit, instead of running around trying to fit everything in. As far as “Top 5” lists go, again, I had not really put any time into coming up with any of my own. If someone had asked what my top five bands or albums or movies were, I think I could probably come up with them quickly. But I was taking a long car ride the other day, and decided that I should challenge myself to create my lists now, be more proactive about knowing what I like and why. After doing this, compiling these lists in my head for about an hour or so, I concluded that this was a good decision. I mean, I have been alive for 21 years! I have gone through many phases, styles and have liked a great deal of things. By spending some time thinking about all of these in order to make an accurate list, it was really interesting to acknowledge where I’ve been and what I’ve been into. It has been a crazy road of interests, that’s for sure, but remembering them was really fun, and I would recommend to anyone who feels stuck in a rut or who wants to know more about themselves, give this activity a try. I think you’ll be surprised what makes your “Top 5” list.

the217.com July 29 - August 4, 2010

LIKES

GRIPES

Jeanine Russell Food & Drink Editor

Do you

HEADS

UP!

know

» Planning trips: My boyfriend and I may or may not be taking a trip to Yellowstone soon. Originally, we were going to New York, and then that didn’t work. Then it was ... I don’t know, California, Canada, Mexico? Now, this! Which we have actually established, planned and researched. We have run into money troubles, work troubles and are still battling car troubles. My roommates are probably sick of hearing about it every single day. But, if Aug. 7 rolls around and I’m taking off for a week’s camping in Yellowstone, this will be so, so, so worth it. Plus, I’ll admit, I enjoy the struggle and all the Googling and note-taking. » Other people’s swimming pools: Thank you, thank you, thank you to all my friends and family who have let me swim away all my free summer afternoons. Crashing at their place, drinking all their lemonade, leaving my flip-flop prints on their kitchen tile. It’s been great. » Infinite Jest: Amazing. Matt Carey Arts & Entertainment Editor

Gripes

TALK TO BUZZ

buzz staff

» Give My Regards to Broadway: In 1984, Paul McCartney wrote and starred in a movie that is much in the vane of A Hard Day’s Night. However, it’s really goddamn awful. Seriously, a terrible, terrible movie. Don’t ever watch it. “Silly Love Songs” is in the movie for Christ’s sake. That’s reason enough to stay away from it. » My smelly apartment: My apartment is smelly. There are fruit flies everywhere. I should probably do the dishes, but I don’t feel like it. It has become an intense battle of the wills between my roommates and I. I know one thing for sure: I’ll cut their hands off before I blink first. » Carlos Zambrano: I don’t trust that you are calm now. That’s exactly what someone with anger management issues would say. You listen to me, dirt bag. One more slip up out of you and I’ll kindly ask you to leave Chicago. And let me tell you something, weirdo — you wouldn’t like me when I’m kind. Cover Design Annaka Olsen Editor in Chief Brad Thorp Managing Editor & Copy Chief Claire Keating Art Director Annaka Olsen PhotographY & Image Editor Annie Goold Photographers James Kyung, Jess Easter, Sarah Ludmer Designers Will Wyss, Jill Rahn Music Editor Eli Chen Food Editor Jeanine Russell Arts & Entertainment Editor Matt Carey Community Editor Lauren Hise CU Calendar Elisia Phau Sales Manager Carolyn Gilbert Marketing/Distribution Brandi Willis Publisher Mary Cory On the Web www.the217.com Email buzz@readbuzz.com Write 512 E. Green St., Champaign, IL 61820 CALL 217.337.3801

We reserve the right to edit submissions. buzz will not publish a letter without the verbal consent of the writer prior to publication date. buzz Magazine is a student-run publication of Illini Media Company and does not necessarily represent, in whole or in part, the views of the University of Illinois administration, faculty or students. © Illini Media Company 2010

Used with permission from Indi-Go Artist Co-op

Likes

Celebrating a life by Lauren Hise To a certain extent, we all worry about making a mark on this world. We want to be known, to be loved and to make a difference, even if it is just in the life of one person. Ashley Ames needn’t have worried. In the wake of her passing on July 6, friends, family members and the community have been doing their part to make sure that her memory lives on and that her life is celebrated. “Now, we are making this a sort of celebration of her life,” said Alice Cronenberg, co-administrator of ASHLEYFEST and a friend of Ames. “We are recognizing just how many people she touched.” Hopefully, this is a number that will continue to grow. Since Ames had been working to put herself through school while living in Urbana, those close to her are now trying to help students like her. “We are going to take all the funds that are raised and put them towards a scholarship for students who are living independently or whose parents can’t help them pay for school,” said Jeanie Austin, a friend of Ames. Among the “about 10 very active members on the planning team” that Cronenberg praises, Austin has been doing what she can to help put the benefit together by cataloging art and contacting artists. The fact that this includes national artists interspersed with the many local ones is not surprising considering donations for the Ashley Ames Fund have come from as far away as Canada and Western Europe. “It started with the art show idea, and then we wanted to have a concert, so we put out a call for bands, and we instantly had about 20 bands call and want to be a part of the benefit,” said Cronenberg. “We’ve taken as many on as we can.” As artists and musicians come together, the benefit has become something befitting the life and loves of Ashley Ames. “Ashley was an artist herself. A lot of us met Ashley through the punk music scene in Champaign. We’ve all known and been aware of how much Ashley loved art,” said Cronenberg. “This would be something she would love.”

what’s going on around you?

July/AuG

Kr annert Center for the Performing arts

PechAKuchA Goes outdoors

With just 20 images and 20 seconds per image, architects, farmers, bike advocates, photographers, folk musicians, sketch comics, and bubbleologists have shared their passions at previous editions of PechaKucha Night C-U. For Volume 4 of this high-energy showcase of creativity presented by the Champaign-Urbana Design Org, the Amphitheatre will be illuminated with slides and inspiration, and DJ Mertz will get spinning on the terrace at 7pm to kick off the night. Fr, Jul 29 at 8:20pm; bar opens at 7pm Amphitheatre FREE Th Jul 29

5pm

Krannert Uncorked with Eleni Moraites, folk music // Marquee

Fr Jul 30

8:20pm

PechaKucha // Champaign-Urbana Design Org Su Aug 1

2pm

Sunday Afternoon Songbook // Marquee Th Aug 5

5pm

Krannert Uncorked with Maria & Co., world music quartet // Marquee

C A L L 3 3 3 . 6 2 8 0 s 1. 8 0 0 . K C P A T I X

Corporate Power Train Team Engine

40 North and Krannert Center —working together to put Champaign County’s culture on the map.

Marquee performances are supported in part by the Illinois Arts Council—a state agency which recognizes Krannert Center in its Partners in Excellence Program.

buzz

Food

Drink

July 29 - August 4, 2010

buzz en-spice-clopedia by Barb Davidson Sassafras: perhaps one of the most delightful spices to say. However, don’t let the silliness of this spice’s name fool you — sassafras is a contestant for most villainous spice around. The U.S. has banned sassafras (in it’s most pure form) from being used in food and beverages because it contains safrole, an oil believed to be carcinogenic. Sassafras has previously made appearances in many beverages, including tea and root beer. Due to this fault, the leaves of this tree must be processed into a way that is safe for human consumption. The dried and ground leaves are used to make filé powder, a common ingredient in gumbo. A middle ground between chili, stew and soup, gumbo is usually served over rice. The “pow” factor in most gumbos is the perfect void for sassafras to fill. Here’s a veggie version of your everyday gumbo to try!

the217.com

Sassafras

Veggie Gumbo Ingredients:

Directions:

» 2 cups fresh okra, sliced » 1 red bell pepper, in strips » 1 green or yellow bell pepper ,in strips » 2 large portabella mushrooms, cubed » 1 onion, diced » 1-2 stalks celery, chopped » 4 cloves garlic, minced » 1 can crushed tomatoes » 1 cup vegetable stock (vegetable bullion cube dissolved in water works as well) » 1 bay leaf » 1/8 teaspoon (or more) cayenne » 1/4 teaspoon (or more) crushed red pepper flakes » salt and cracked black pepper, to taste » 1 tablespoon gumbo filé powder » olive oil

In a large, deep skillet sauté onion, peppers and okra in small amount of olive oil. Add mushrooms, garlic and celery after 5 minutes or so, and sauté a bit longer. Add crushed tomatoes, stock and spices except filé powder. Simmer 10-15 minutes. Right before serving, fish out bay leaf, adjust seasonings and stir in gumbo filé. Serve in deep bowls over brown rice. This meal is very delicious and much less complicated than it may seem. Serves: 4 Preparation time: 35 minutes

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Participant will be reimbursed for their time If you would like to participate or have any questions please call our research team at 373-4880 or visit our website at www.womenshealthpractice.com

2125 South Neil Street Champaign, Il 61820 Participation is completely voluntary.

buzz

the217.com July 29 - August 4, 2010

For being so powerful, I bet dinosaurs would suck at basketball.

Plan a Two-Wheeled Getaway

Take a bicycle daycation to a local museum

by Sarah Bransley

hese days, with tight schedules and even tighter wallets, tak- we wanted to develop a variety of opportunities to use bikes for ing a vacation can seem like a faraway dream. Fortunately, transportation and recreation.” In the end, the museums, which were known to Davis, proved to Champaign Cycle has come up with a fun, inexpensive and timefriendly way to enjoy a break with your family. Formed from the be convenient distances for bike trips. idea of a “staycation,” Champaign Cycle defines a daycation as “a Cheryl Kennedy, museum director of the Early one day vacation used to explore the entertainment, recreation American Museum, said that as a part of the Forest and education opportunities at area locations.” With this in mind, Preserve District, which has bike trails, the museum they have decided to host Champaign Cycle’s Museum Bike Tour is always happy to be a part of any bicycle event. Series. With the first jaunt occurring back on June 26, the next “We love the idea of a daycation and how they bicycle journey on Saturday, July 31, is bound for the Chanute Air have themed their rides,” said Kennedy. Museum while the one on Saturday, Aug. 28, will head for the Early Because the Early American Museum is a part of the American Museum. Maps, as well as ideas for places to eat, will be Looking for Lincoln Coalition and the Abraham Linhanded out at each starting location by Champaign Cycle. coln National Heritage Area, those who have a love Owner of Champaign Cycle and creator of the Museum Bike Tour of history as well as a love of cycling will find their Series, June’s Art Gallery Bike Tour and the Eco-Tour scheduled for perfect daycation with the trip on Aug. 28. Sept. 5, Peter Davis has a passion for bicycles and bringing their functionality to “A one day vacation used to the masses. With events like these, he explore the entertainment, hopes to bring attention to the fact that riding a bike is easy as well as functional recreation and education in everyday life. While these events are about 15 miles each way, Davis believes opportunities at area locations.” anyone can ride this distance, including families with children as young as 10 years old. “When you are on your bike, it is so much easier because you are on that mechanical device,” said Davis, knowing that when most people think of distance they think about how hard it would be to walk it. Though 15 miles may still seem like a daunting distance, Davis tried to make the daycation series a group of “doable day distance trips” for families and bike enthusiasts alike. When asked where he came up with the idea, Davis said the daycation was “based off the [Art Gallery Bike Tour], because Illustration by Will Fulara

One on One

Mark Hanson, curator of The Chanute, thinks that his museum is also a great opportunity for a daycation. “Located on the former Chanute Air Force Base in Rantoul, the museum resides in a unique yet quiet environment that we feel would be very conducive for inclusion in a bike trip or the destination for such a trip,” said Hanson. Because the museum is located just outside the region’s major urban areas, Hanson pointed out that it allows for a less expensive but exciting getaway. Even better, since it’s so close, the museum allows for a family to visit for the day and return home at the end of their visit. Though people often see them only as a form of exercise, bicycles allow you to visit places close by without the worry of rising gas price. Wanting to change the average person’s approach to bicycles, Davis hopes people take “the idea of the functionality of bicycles” away from the event. The Champaign Cycle Museum Bike Tour Series will hopefully show people that bicycles are still a viable form of transportation, as well as a fun way to experience the land with your family. However, if you are worried about certain members not being able to make the trek or if they just don’t like bikes, Davis advises having those members of the family meet you at the museum. Also, if you would rather not make the trek back, you can ride your bike to the museum and drive back home with your family members. If you would like to join in on the daycation, Champaign Cycle requests that you give them a call so they can give the museum an accurate head count for the day of the trip. Simply call them at 352-7600 or email them at museumtours@champaigncycle. com. Be sure to include which trip you are planning to attend: the Rantoul (Chanute Air Museum) trip or Mahomet (Early American Museum) trip.

with Cloydia Hill Larimore Vice President for Advancement at the Cunningham Children’s Home

by Annie Goold Home: a place of security, care and trust. To a great deal of us, our homes hold the memories of our youth and were the places we were allowed to simply be and grow. However, for others, this idea of home is only a concept, a sought-after dream in a callous reality. For so many, the Cunningham Children’s Home has made hopes for better days possibilities, and pave the way towards greater futures. While a reunion open to the public was held to celebrate the home on July 25, those who wish to do their part in helping keep the home going are welcome to attend a benefit concert at Mike ‘n Molly’s on July 30. Cloydia Hill Larimore, vice president for advancement at The Cunningham Children’s Home, sat down with buzz to explain how the home has grown, why it’s so important and how the reunion brings a family back together. » buzz: How long has the Cunningham Children’s Home been open and providing services to children and families in need? Cloydia Hill Larimore: It’s been 115 years. Our doors opened Oct. 25, 1895. Originally, it was an orphanage. We housed children who had been living with economic troubles or who had no family. And in the 1960s, after World War II, we became a center of custody for the abused and neglected. Now, we specialize in caring for children dealing with trauma, mental health limitations, abuse and resulting neurological issues from mistreatment. We have residential programs, group homes, independent living plans and schools inside and outside of the home itself. » buzz: What have been your latest developments?

CHL: In 2000, we created a master campus plan made to renovate and revamp the services for the children. Our next plan is to build facilities for our special education schooling. The buildings would be more energy efficient and all around better for what we’re doing. Some of the kids have to travel between five or six different spaces every day, and it’s hard enough as it is to deal with the elements already. In the new plans, there will be a cafeteria in house and that will help a great deal. » buzz: Are there any major hurdles the CCH faces? CHL: The biggest obstacle is money. We will need somewhere between 15 and 20 million dollars to complete the projects we have planned. » buzz: Considering that money is such an issue for the home, what sources does the home most rely upon for continuity and growth? CHL: There are so many! But most of the money comes from our fees for services. The families of the kids pay for what we offer. And, those placed here by Children’s Services are paid for by that department. Our fee does not usually cover the full cost of care, though. That’s just a typical fact. So, from there, we are supported by private donations. Church groups give to us a great deal, as do individuals in the community. Those who value our work give back, and we’re very, very grateful for them. » buzz: Can you elaborate on the events of July 25? CHL: Absolutely! It actually is a reunion for the kids who’ve lived here. We hold them every five years. An 89-year-old woman who resided here during a part of her youth will be joining us. It’s a time

Photo used with permission by Cloydia Hill Larimore

for people to reminisce and catch up with the people who knew you when you were just you, before Mr., Mrs., Dr. and other labels preceded your name. There will be a private brunch for the kids, a public opening at 1 p.m. and a ceremonial celebration at 2:30 p.m. dedicated to the children from before, the children currently at the home and those to come in the future. buzz

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Photo used with permission from the Ashley Ames Fund

n the morning of May 28, a house in Urbana caught on fire and all the residents made it out safe, except for one â&#x20AC;&#x201D; 23-year-old Ashley Ames, who suffered critical burns all over her body. On July 6, Ames passed away in the hospital. Knowing that she was already struggling financially before this tragic incident, her friends in the CU music community organized ASHLEYFEST, a benefit show to help pay back her student loans and other debts. Ashleyfest will take place this weekend, starting Thursday, July 29, and ending Saturday, July 31, at Class Act Interactive Education and Events.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;This is going to be our first [benefit show] and weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re looking forward to it because everybody in the group knew Ashley on some level, some closer than others,â&#x20AC;? said Kyle Schachtschneider, bassist of The Private Thoughts. Schachtschneider has been with the nearly one-year-old Private Thoughts since last October and handles much of the booking for the band. The band incorporates a variety of older rock styles, from â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;70s punk to â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;80s glam. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a very sad situation, but we want to do our best to have people enjoy themselves so that they might be more willing to donate to the cause,â&#x20AC;? said Schachtshneider. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re trying to pick songs that we think might be more appropriate to what happened, songs that are more inspiring.â&#x20AC;? The Private Thoughts, who are playing on Friday night, became involved in ASHLEYFEST largely due to having played with Ryan McCoy from The Fresh Kills, who has been helping to book bands for the event. He, along with a few more of Amesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s closest friends, was one of the ones to hatch the idea of having a benefit concert. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Having a benefit seemed to be the most logical thing to do, since she knew a lot of the bands around here,â&#x20AC;? said McCoy. â&#x20AC;&#x153;A lot of people knew Ashley through us, and when everybody heard about the possibility of a benefit, they just started e-mailing us because they wanted to help out.â&#x20AC;? McCoy had known and become friends with Ames in the past three years, as she had been a regular participant in the music scene, and even

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played host to house shows. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Ashley was awesome because she was responsible and took care of the bands that played at her house,â&#x20AC;? said McCoy. According to McCoy, they had chosen Class Act as their venue because even though they are not a common music venue, they had enough space to accomodate the festival. The location is ideal, especially due to its close proximity to Indi Go Artist Co-op, where the art auction for ASHLEYFEST will be held. McCoy expects a mixed crowd for each night, due to a style-varying lineup. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thursday night will have more blues, folk and indie,â&#x20AC;? said McCoy. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Friday will be more rock â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;nâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; roll and punk, and Saturday will have a lot of different things, including metal.â&#x20AC;? The money raised from the benefit show will go towards paying for her funeral costs and forming a scholarship in her name to help independent young adults like her pay for their education. Make it a note this weekend to come on out to ASHLEYFEST to help out with this important cause and have a good time in honor of a beloved young woman. There will be a suggested donation of $5 at the door.

briefbox

SAVOY 16

Ashleyfest Class act interactive education and events Address: 114 S. Neil St., C. When: Thursday, July 29 - Saturday, July 31 Tickets: $5 suggested donation website: www.supportashleyames.com

Local band reunites to play at Mike â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;n Mollyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

by Kaitlyn Henaghan Are you looking for a way to end your summer with a bang? What better way to do this than to hang out with friends and drink leisurely in a beer garden, all the while enjoying some tasty jams? On Saturday, July 31, Shipwreck is performing a show at Mike â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;n Mollyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s to bring their group back together for one last hurrah. Shipwreck formed in 2006 as a group of friends playing music just for the pure love of playing. Now, they are reuniting and â&#x20AC;&#x153;planning on putting on the best show possible at Mike â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;n Mollyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s,â&#x20AC;? according to bassist Vladamir Brilliant. Growing up with music from the â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;90s, every member of Shipwreck brought in a mixture of hardcore and pop style. Brilliant is personally influenced by a variety of music and feels that is really necessary for a band, as well as individually, to really open up their horizons to different sounds. Shipwreckâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Saturday show is their reunion, as each band member has recently sought different pursuits. When their guitarist John returned this summer, they knew that a reunion show should take place before it was too late. They chose to play at Mike â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;n Mollyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s because theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve always thought it was a great venue, especially the atmosphere of the beer garden in the summer. Brilliant said that Mike â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;n Mollyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s is also a great venue because the sound technicians are extremely help-

ful, always making Shipwreck sound their best live. â&#x20AC;&#x153;This reunion is taking place in order to satisfy our need to play old music,â&#x20AC;? said Brilliant. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s good to have friends around from the present and past to kind of help create that atmosphere of closeness. Music is mostly about playing with people you enjoy being with.â&#x20AC;? Members of Shipwreck realized the only way to really make a living with their music was by playing live. They did everything they could to get their music out there, such as selling their songs to Pandora, putting their music up on MySpace and making their songs available to download. They always enjoyed playing live shows, and because file sharing has been such a huge threat to record sales in the past few years, this was also one of their only sources of income. Brilliant also says itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s gotten easier to perform live shows. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not like we even get nervous anymore before a show,â&#x20AC;? said Brilliant. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s more of the anticipation of the show that gives us a rush.â&#x20AC;? Opening for Shipwreck on Saturday are the bands Lightsleeper, Take Care and Dirty Feathers. Shipwreckâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s members were actually friends with Lightsleeper in college, so they are quite comfort-

Photo used with permission from Shipwreck

able playing with them. Take Care is a group that Shipwreck met along the way through performing in other places, and Dirty Feathers includes two Shipwreck members, Vladamir Brilliant and Harman Jordan. This is a band that continued on even after Shipwreck stopped performing live, and it seemed like a perfect opportunity for them to mix the old with the new. Unfortunately, Shipwreck does not plan on recording a new album anytime soon. Their drummer and guitarist are leaving Illinois, so recording does not really seem like a possibility. Brilliant seems hopeful that another Shipwreck album may once again be recorded in the future, though distant it might be.

arts movie review

PG-13

entertainment

salt

July 29 - August 4, 2010

By Syd Slobodnik

â&#x2DC;&#x2026;â&#x2DC;&#x2026;â&#x2DC;&#x2026;â&#x153;Šâ&#x153;Š

â&#x20AC; â&#x20AC; the217.comâ&#x20AC;

38Favorites Mile (R) $5 Late Night Show; Mistaken identity films

North by Northwest (1959):

or many of us who are children of the Cold War, spy films dealing with a Russian enemy are ingrained in our psyches, but filmmakers really need to let this dark chapter of our past remain in yesteryear. Director Philip Noyceâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Salt is an exciting, non-stop action film that suffers from not only this Cold War paranoia, but also a heavy dose of Foxâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 24 on the brain, where utterly implausible stunts and incredible plot twists dominate a rather passionless spy adventure. Angelina Jolie is CIA operative Evelyn Salt, who we initially meet as she is being tortured by North Korean soldiers before getting swapped on a cloud shrouded bridge in the DMZ. Flash forward two years and Salt is about to celebrate her wedding anniversary when she is requested to interrogate a Russian defector who claims to reveal the plot to kill the Russian president upon his upcoming visit to the U.S. The assassin is connected to a sleeper cell of terrorists planted in the U.S. by the KGB, and this will lead to something called â&#x20AC;&#x153;Day-Xâ&#x20AC;? and an all out seizure of the U.S. nuclear arsenal. While screenwriter Kurt Wimmer begins with this somewhat intriguing premise, referencing plot variations of classic 1960s

Hidden gem

Cold War thrillers The Manchurian Candidate and Dr. Strangelove, the central focus of the plot evolves into one long chase as Evelyn is accused and revealed as the probable CIA mole who is connected to the old Soviet scheme. She must either escape being captured to prove her innocence, or achieve her mission of not only killing the Russian leader, but taking out the American president as well. The always interesting Liev Schreiber is Ted Winter, Saltâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s CIA mentor who joins in the governmentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pursuit of their rogue agent with the no-nonsense Agent Peabody (Chiwetel Ejiofor), but all along doubts Saltâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s guilt. But, huge surprises are in store, which will remain unrevealed here for the potential viewers of this breathless action film. Noyce, who has directed spy movies before (Patriot Games, Clear and Present Danger), manages the string of foot chases, car and motorcycle pursuits with stunning effectiveness. Sadly though, Jolieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s cold characterization never makes us care enough about her plight as she literally walks unscathed from too many near-death encounters. Many viewers will undoubtedly enjoy the filmâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s kinetic pace, Jolieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s athletic stunts and striking plot twists.

American Splendor (2003)

by Nick Martin â&#x20AC;&#x153;If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re the kind of person looking for romance or escapism or some fantasy figure to save the day, guess what? You got the wrong movie.â&#x20AC;? Harvey Pekar was a critically acclaimed comic book writer from 1976 until his recent death. Pekar pioneered the â&#x20AC;&#x153;graphic memoirâ&#x20AC;?; he wrote about everyday life, documenting his relationships, frustrations, failures and banalities. His comic, American Splendor, is praised for its ability to articulate the problems faced by ordinary Americans. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re unfamiliar with Pekarâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s work, a great place to discover it is the 2003 film American Splendor starring Paul Giamatti. The film is part documentary of Harveyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s life, part adaptation of his comics (also called American Splendor), and even an animated portfolio of the art in Pekarâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s books. Harvey works as a file clerk in Cleveland, Ohio. He canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get along well with coworkers or girlfriends, his job doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t make him much money, and each day he battles boredom, depression and loneliness. He tries to pass time by collecting jazz records, but the hobby isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t as fulfilling as he wants it to be. When Harvey meets a young comic book artist named Robert Crumb (eventual creator of Fritz the Cat and Mr. Natural), he gets inspired to make com-

ics about the story of his life. While never attaining much mainstream success, Harveyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s comics won him praise from high-brow critics, fame throughout Cleveland and even numerous guest appearances on Late Night with David Letterman. The film captures the spirit of Pekarâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s life and work perfectly. His books are so insightful because they capture all the nuance of a normal person living a normal life. His comics didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have superheroes or overthe-top action; instead, they showed how hard it is to just get out of bed in the morning. Harvey explained the joys of work (no matter what the job is), the challenge of finding fulfillment in life and, most of all, what it was like to be an American in the 20th century. Pekar hated Hollywood melodrama â&#x20AC;&#x201D; he thought it was trying to sell a lifestyle that is unattainable â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and instead wanted to find the real drama in the experiences that happen every day to â&#x20AC;&#x153;normalâ&#x20AC;? people. Perhaps the irony is that Harvey Pekar was anything but normal; his empathy, humor and understated wisdom put him will above most other writers â&#x20AC;&#x201D; comic book or otherwise. His work stands as a testament that the best stories are the honest ones. Because, like Harvey says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Ordinary life is pretty complex stuff.â&#x20AC;?

Now serving wine and beer.

Week of July 30 - Aug 5 Solitary Man (R)

Fri: (5:00), 7:30 Sat & Sun: (2:30), (5:00), 7:30 Mon: 7:30 Tue: (2:30), 7:30 Wed & Thu: 7:30pm

by Matt Carey

Photo used with permission from Colombia Pictures

Locally Owned, Personally Managed

The corn field chase, the United Nations building sequence and the Mount Rushmore climax. It could be argued that outside of Psycho, North by Northwest is the most iconic movie Alfred Hitchcock ever made. Cary Grant stars as Roger Thornhill, an advertising executive who gets mistaken for a government agent by a group of foreign spies. While Thornhill is on the run, he befriends Eve Kendall, a sexy blonde who may or may not be in cahoots with the Communists after Thornhill. For a movie that is over two hours, Hitchcock keeps it moving at a brisk pace, interspersing action bits and moments of suspense. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re looking for Hitchcock movies like North by Northwest, check out The 39 Steps, Spellbound and Saboteur, which are very similar in tone and feature man-on-the-run plotlines. The Big Lebowski (1998):

Taking the mistaken identity plot and turning it on its ear, the Coen brothers deconstruct the film noir like never before with one of my favorite comedies of all time. Jeff â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Dudeâ&#x20AC;? Lebowski (Jeff Bridges) is a hapless stoner who spends his time bowling and hanging out with his friends Walter (John Goodman) and Donny (Steve Buschemi). When a couple of mobsters mistake him for a millionaire named Lebowski, The Dude gets caught up in a kidnapping plot and many other nefarious deeds. With dialogue very akin to His Girl Friday and enough â&#x20AC;&#x153;F-bombsâ&#x20AC;? to give a priest a heart attack, the movie is consistently hilarious throughout its runtime, a rare feat for any film.

The Great Dictator (1940):

In Charlie Chaplinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s first talkie, he decided to take Hitler down a peg. This satire has Chaplin playing both the role based on Hitler and a Jewish barber who is constantly persecuted. Obviously, they look exactly alike, which leads to the two getting switched and the Jewish barber having to give a speech in front of the entire country. What could now be perceived by hopeless cynics as overly heavyhanded (watch more old movies, pessimists; a lot of them arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t exactly subtle), Chaplin looks directly into the camera and delivers a 5 minute speech begging for World War 2 to stop, and itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s darn heartbreaking. Of course, there are still many great Chaplin routines, but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the political message that will always be remembered.

8 Mile (R)$5 Late Night Movie

Digital Presentation Fri & Sat: 10:00pm Thu: 10:00pm 126 W. Church St. Champaign

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â&#x20AC;&#x201C; showtimes JUly 29 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Carmikeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s stimUlUs tUesdays $1 PoPCorn & $1 drink dinner for sChmUCks PG13 (2:14) 12:01 am Charlie st CloUd PG13 (1:59) 12:01 am Cats and dogs 2: 3D PG (1:45) 12:01 am Cats and dogs 2: 2D PG (1:45) 12:01 am salt PG13 (2:00) 9:45 - 10:00 - 10:30 - 12:00 - 12:30 1:00 - 2:25 - 2:55 - 3:35 - 4:50 - 5:20 - 6:05 - 7:15 - 7:45 - 8:30 - 9:40 - 10:10 ramona and BeezUs G (2:04) 10:00 -12:30 - 3:00 - 5:20 - 7:35 - 9:50 inCePtion PG13 (2:42) 9:45 - 10:00 - 12:00 -12:45 - 1:45 - 3:10 - 3:55 - 4:55 - 6:20 - 7:05 - 8:05 - 9:30 - 10:10 sorCererâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s aPPrentiCe PG (2:10) 10:30 - 11:45 - 1:15 - 2:15 - 3:45 - 4:45 - 6:15 - 7:15 - 8:45 - 9:45 desPiCaBle me 3D PG (1:55) 9:45 - 11:00 - 12:00 - 1:30 - 2:30 - 4:15 - 5:00 - 7:00 - 7:30 - 9:30 - 10:00 desPiCaBle me 2D PG (1:55) 10:30 - 1:00 - 3:30 - 6:00 - 8:30 Predators R (2:07) 11:00 - 1:45 - 4:30 - 7:15 - 9:45 eCliPse PG13 (2:24) 10:30 - 1:30 - 4:20 - 7:10 - 10:00 last airBender 3D PG (2:03) 9:45 - 12:15 - 2:45 - 5:15 - 7:45 - 10:15 grown UPs PG13 (2:02) 10:30 - 1:35 - 4:05 - 7:00 - 9:30 toy story 3: 3D G (2:03) 1:00 - 3:20 - 5:45 - 8:00 toy story 3: 2D G (2:03) 11:15 - 1:45 - 4:15 - 6:45 - 9:15 the karate kid PG (2:39) 10:00 â&#x20AC;˘ALL SHOWTIMES INCLUDE PRE-FEATURE CONTENT â&#x20AC;˘ www.carmike.com â&#x20AC;˘

buzz â&#x20AC; â&#x20AC;

CALENDAR

JULY 29 - AUGUST 4, 2010

Complete listing available at

THE217.COM/CALENDAR

SUBMIT YOUR EVENT TO THE CALENDAR: Online: forms available at the217.com/calendar • E-mail: send your notice to calendar@the217.com • Fax: 337-8328, addressed to the217 calendar Snail mail: send printed materials via U.S. Mail to: the217 calendar, Illini Media, 512 E. Green St., Champaign, IL 61820 • Call: 531-1456 if you have a question or to leave a message about your event.

THURSDAY 29 live music Billy Galt and Jeff Kerr AnSun, C, 7pm Kevin Crafton Aroma Cafe, C, 7pm TwoYou Duo The Clark Bar, C, 7pm Chip Stephens and Donnie Heitler Iron Post, U, 7pm Pamela Machala Canopy Club, U, 9pm, $5

ing, Tuscola, 7pm, $5-$11 Call 253-6699 for tickets The Three Musketeers Ewing Manor, Bloomington, 7:30pm, $18-$42 Annie The Little Theatre on the Square, Sullivan, 8pm, $28-$30 The Little Dog Laughed The Station Theatre, U, 8:00 pm, $8-$15 Call 384-4000 for tickets

Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 12:15pm Happy 150th Champaign! Celebrate Champaign Then and Now Champaign Public Library, C, 2pm ARTfusion Douglass Branch Library, C, 3pm

Church and Foundation, C, 12pm

FRIDAY 30 live music

Urbana Blues, Brews and BBQ 88 Broadway, U, 4pm, $5 Nature’s Table Reunion Iron Post, U, 5pm community Dan Hubbard IMC Shows Group Meet- Bentley’s Pub, C, 6pm ing: Community Booking Live Jazz Collective Jim Gould Restaurant, C, dj festivals Urbana-Champaign In7pm REMIXXX Thursdays Champaign County Fair dependent Media Center, Rustbelt featuring Matt with DJ Bob Bass Champaign County FairU, 7pm Stewart Soma Ultralounge, C, grounds, U, 7pm The Clark Bar, C, 7pm fundraisers 10pm Local Musicians Kick it Stitches at The Clark Bar markets ASHLEYFEST — Art Show Out for the Kids The Clark Bar, C, 10pm Farmer’s Market Indi Go Artist Co-op, C, Mike ‘n Molly’s, C, 8pm, Ritmo Thursdays Historic North First Street, 2pm $4 V. Picasso, U, 10pm C, 3pm ASHLEYFEST — Live Music Marrakesh Express: DJ Roundhouse Class Act, C, 8pm Tribute To Crosby, Stills, recreation Joe’s Brewery, C, 11pm High Heels After Five Nash and Young Ice Cream Social V. Picasso, U, 5pm, $5 Canopy Club, U, 9pm, dance music Sunset Memorial Park, $7 mind/body/spirit Swing Dance Danville, 1pm The Sugar Prophets Illini Union, U, 9pm Japan House: House Tour Core Yoga Bentley’s Pub, C, 9pm and Tea Ceremony Amara Yoga & Arts, U, GTO and The Glasspaks concert Japan House, U, 1pm, $6 12pm, $12 Rosebowl Tavern, Ltd., U, Champaign Park District Call 244-9934 for reser- Iyengar Yoga 9pm Summer Concerts vation Yoga Institute of C-U, U, Stevie Hall Band Garden Hills Park, C, 4pm, $14 Memphis on Main, C, volunteer 6:30pm Asana Intensive Yoga 9:30pm, $5 UC Books to Prisoners Amara Yoga & Arts, U, Five O First karaoke Work Session 5:30pm, $12 Fireside Bar and Grill, C, DJ Bange Urbana-Champaign InYin Yoga 10pm Rosebowl Tavern, Ltd., U, dependent Media Center, Amara Yoga & Arts, U, Big Creek 8:30pm U, 2pm 7pm, $12 Huber’s West End Store, CG Productions Presents: C, 10pm kids & families faith RockStar Karaoke dj Senator’s Bar & Grill, SaKids Summer Art and Moms and Grandmas voy, 9pm Yoga Camp with Kathryn Group DJ Tommy Williams Outlaw Karaoke Fitzgerald University Baptist Church, Chester Street, C, 9pm, $3 Fireside Bar and Grill, C, Amara Yoga & Arts, U, C, 12pm DJ Luniks for Fresh 9pm 8:45am, $99 Undergrad Bible Study Fridays ‘80s Karaoke Night and Kids 5-11 University Baptist Church, Red Star Liquors, U, 10pm Contest Puzzling Summer at the C, 8:30pm DJ Delayney Memphis on Main, C, Westville Public Library Highdive, C, 10pm, $5 miscellaneous 9pm Westville Public Library, DJ Tim Williams CG Productions Presents: Westville, 9:30am Champaign County 4-H Soma Ultralounge, C, 10pm RockStar Karaoke Children ages 5 and up Livestock Show DJs Ian Procell and Reﬂex Bentley’s Pub, C, 10pm Preschool Story Time Champaign County FairBoltini Lounge, C, 10pm Urbana Free Library, U, grounds, U, 7:50am DJ Stiﬂer stage 9:45am The Bike Project: Open Cowboy Monkey, C, 10pm The Little Mermaid Preschool Story Time Hours Grown KidZ Funk The Little Theatre on the Rantoul Public Library, Urbana-Champaign InRadio Maria, C, 10pm Square, Sullivan, 10:30am, Rantoul, 10am dependent Media Center, dance music $9 Baby Time U, 6pm Call 728-7375 for tickets Douglass Branch Library, C, Yarn ‘n Yak Country Dance Night at Once Upon a Mattress 10:30am Rantoul Public Library, Bradley’s Foellinger Auditorium, U, Monster Fun and Games Rantoul, 7pm Bradley’s II, C, 8pm 12pm, $7-$14 Urbana Free Library, U, Salsa Night classes & workshops V. Picasso, U, 9pm Call 367-1544 for tickets 11am Honk! For children in grades 1-5 Upward Bound Program Salsa Night Tuscola Community Build- Lunch on the Lawn McKinley Presbyterian The Clark Bar, C, 9pm 8

buzz

karaoke

fundraisers

CG Productions Presents: RockStar Karaoke Senator’s Bar & Grill, Savoy, 9pm Karaoke at Po’ Boys Po’ Boys, U, 9pm CG Productions Presents: RockStar Karaoke AnSun, C, 9pm

ASHLEYFEST — Art Show Indi Go Artist Co-op, C, 2pm ASHLEYFEST — Live Music Class Act, C, 9:30pm Cunningham Children’s Home Beneﬁt Mike ‘n Molly’s, C, 8pm, $4

stage

Power Flow Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 12pm, $12 Happy Hour Flow Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 5:30pm, $12

The Little Mermaid The Little Theatre on the Square, Sullivan, 10:30am, $9 Call 728-7375 for tickets Once Upon a Mattress Foellinger Auditorium, U, 7:30pm, $7-$14 Call 367-1544 for tickets Honk! Tuscola Community Building, Tuscola, 7pm, $5-$11 Call 253-6699 for tickets Annie The Little Theatre on the Square, Sullivan, 8pm, $28-$30 The Little Dog Laughed The Station Theatre, U, 8pm, $8-$15 Call 384-4000 for tickets

sporting event 5th Annual Gill Athletics Factory Vault Gill Athletics Inc., C, 12:30pm

festivals Champaign County Fair Champaign County Fairgrounds, U, 7pm

kids & families Kids Summer Art and Yoga Camp with Kathryn Fitzgerald Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 8:45am, $99 Kids 5-11 Puzzling Summer at the Westville Public Library Westville Public Library, Westville, 9:30am Children ages 5 and up Tales for Twos Douglass Branch Library, C, 10:30am

community PechaKucha Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, U, 8:20pm

mind/body/spirit

classes & workshops CUATSalsa McKinley Presbyterian Church and Foundation, C, 5pm, $30

SATURDAY 31 live music Live Jazz Jim Gould Restaurant, C, 7pm Weasel Dreams Iron Post, U, 6pm The Mudhens Cowboy Monkey, C, 8pm, $10 Tickets can be ordered online from Ticket Fusion Shipwreck with Jigsaw Mike ‘n Molly’s, C, 8pm, $5 M.P.H. Huber’s West End Store, C, 8pm Kilborn Alley Blues Band Bentley’s Pub, C, 9pm AD/HD: A Tribute To AC/DC Canopy Club, U, 9pm, $7 Thrash Zombie and XXX Smut Invade Bement Lucky Monkey, Bement, 9pm Candy Foster and The Shades of Blue Memphis on Main, C, 9:30pm, $5

dj Request Night DJ Boomerang, U, 8pm Hip Hop at Bradley’s II Bradley’s II, C, 9pm, $5 Mainstream on Main Street V. Picasso, U, 9pm DJ Luniks The Clybourne, C, 10pm Firehaus Saturdays Firehaus, C, 10pm

DJ Bundy Fireside Bar and Grill, C, 10pm DJ Mertz Boltini Lounge, C, 10pm DJ and Dancing Soma Ultralounge, C, 10pm

festivals Champaign County Fair Champaign County Fairgrounds, U, 11am Music Among the Vines Alto Vineyards, C, 7:30pm

markets

dance music

Market at the Square Downtown Urbana, U, 7am

Salsa Night with DJ Dr. J Radio Maria, C, 10pm

recreation

2010 Daycation Museum Bicycle Tour Series CG Productions Presents: Champaign County RockStar Karaoke Brookens Administration Senator’s Bar & Grill, SaCenter, U, 9am voy, 9pm Email Museum Tours at Karaoke with DJ Holmuseumtours@chamlywood paigncycle.com for resIt’ll Do 2, C, 9pm ervation

karaoke

open mic Event Popular presents: Saturday Nite Mic The Clark Bar, C, 9pm, $5

stage The Little Mermaid The Little Theatre on the Square, Sullivan, 10:30am, $9 Call 728-7375 for tickets Once Upon a Mattress Foellinger Auditorium, U, 7:30pm, $7-$14 Call 367-1544 for tickets Honk! Tuscola Community Building, Tuscola, 7pm, $5-$11 Call 253-6699 for tickets The Three Musketeers Ewing Manor, Bloomington, 8pm, $18-$42 Annie The Little Theatre on the Square, Sullivan, 4pm, 8pm, $28-30 The Little Dog Laughed The Station Theatre, U, 8pm, $8-$15 Call 384-4000 for tickets As You Like It Ewing Manor, Bloomington, 10am Call (309)438-2535 for reservation

sporting event 5th Annual Gill Athletics Factory Vault Gill Athletics Inc., C, 7am Marquez vs. Diaz Boxing Match Fireside Bar and Grill, C, 8pm, $5

environmental issues Environmental Education Center Open House Homer Lake Forest Preserve, Homer, 10am

volunteer UC Books to Prisoners Work Session Urbana-Champaign Independent Media Center, U, 2pm

kids & families Kids Summer Art and Yoga Camp with Kathryn Fitzgerald Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 8:45am, $99 Kids 5-11 Take Me Fishing Lake of the Woods Forest Preserve, Mahomet, 9am DIY Weekend Wizard Orpheum Children’s Science Museum, C, 1pm Classic Games for Kids Champaign Public Library, C, 2pm Chess Club for Kids Urbana Free Library, U, 4pm

fundraisers ASHLEYFEST — Art Show Indi Go Artist Co-op, C, 2pm ASHLEYFEST — Live Music Class Act, C, 7pm

mind/body/spirit Yoga Fundamentals Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 10am, $12 Group Meditation and

the217.com JulY 29 - August 4, 2010

You know that dream where you’re in the cafeteria at school in your underwear? Well not to brag, but I lived it!

Spiritual Discourse Ananda Liina Yoga & Meditation Center, U, 5pm Hatha Flow Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 5pm, $12 Garden Variety Yoga Harvest Celebration and Wine Tasting Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 5pm, $15-$30 Sign up at www.amarayoga.com

U, 7:30pm Drag Show Chester Street, C, 10pm, $4

art Sunday Afternoon Songbook Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, U, 2pm

game-playing Trivia Night at The Blind Pig Brewery The Blind Pig Brewery, C, 7pm

recreation Complimentry Hada Cosmetic Session Hada Cosmetic Medicine Skincare Clinic, C, 9am

game-playing Trivia with Evan and Monte Bentley’s Pub, C, 7pm Duplicate Bridge Game Ginger Creek Shops, C, 7pm Bingo Night Memphis on Main, C, 7pm

The Piano Man Canopy Club, U, 9pm Lisa Cerezo and Steve Meadows Memphis on Main, C, 9pm

dance music 8th Grade Dance Joe’s Brewery, C, 11am

karaoke

CG Productions Presents: RockStar Karaoke The Bike Project: Open Bentley’s Pub, C, 10pm kids & families Hours CG Productions Presents: mind/body/spirit Urbana-Champaign InPuzzling Summer at the RockStar Karaoke dependent Media Center, Hatha Flow Westville Public Library The Corner Tavern, MontiU, 2pm Amara Yoga & Arts, U, Westville Public Library, cello, 8pm 3:30pm, $12 Westville, 9:30am Karaoke at Route 45 classes & workshops Beginning Vinyasa Yoga Children ages 5 and up Wayside Acrylic Painting: Life as Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 4th Annual Brian Cook Route 45 Wayside, Pesoa Liquid — Mixed Media 1pm, $12 Youth Basketball Summer tum, 8pm Painting Prenatal Yoga Camp Dragon Karaoke Shared Space: An Artist Amara Yoga & Arts, U, Activities and Recreation The Clark Bar, C, 9pm Co-op, U, 1pm, $25 5:15pm, $12 Center (ARC), C, 8:30am, Liquid Courage Karaoke The Art of Tarot Work$125 Boltini Lounge, C, shop with Debbie Stewart miscellaneous Kid’s Games 9:30pm Amara Yoga & Arts, U, The Bike Project: Open Rantoul Public Library, open mic 3:00 pm, $89-$99 Hours Rantoul, 9:30am Urbana-Champaign InSuggested age 9 and up Open Mic Night hosted Sunday 1 dependent Media Center, O Baby! by Mike Ingram U, 2pm Champaign Public Library, Cowboy Monkey, C, 10pm live music C, 9:45am, 10:15am, classes & workshops 10:45am stage Live Irish Music with Emerald Rum Upward Bound Program Rookie Cooks The Little Mermaid The Blind Pig Co., C, McKinley Presbyterian Douglass Branch Library, The Little Theatre on the 5:30pm Church and Foundation, C, C, 3pm Square, Sullivan, 10:30am, 6:20pm $9 concert mind/body/spirit Call 728-7375 for tickets Champaign Park District Monday 2 Yoga Fundamentals The Three Musketeers Summer Concerts Amara Yoga & Arts, U, Ewing Manor, Bloominglive music Hessel Park, C, 6:30pm 12pm, $12 ton, 7:30pm, $18-$42 Rupert Wates and Valorie Hatha Yoga Zoo Improv karaoke Miller Amara Yoga & Arts, U, Indi Go Artist Co-op, C, Rock Band Sundays Aroma Cafe, C, 7pm 5:30pm, $12 9pm, $2 Hosted by MC Remy The Human Revolution miscellaneous lectures Bentley’s Pub, C, 8pm Iron Post, U, 7pm, $3 The Bike Project: Open Introducing Korean Constage dj Hours temporary Culture Honk! ‘80s Night with DJ Urbana-Champaign Inde- Asian American Cultural Tuscola Community Build- Mingram pendent Media Center, U, Center, U, 12pm ing, Tuscola, 2:30pm, Highdive, C, 10pm 5:30pm recreation $5-$11 classes & workshops Weekly Red Pin Bowling Call 253-6699 for tickets karaoke The Three Musketeers CG Productions Presents: Power Learning Special Ewing Manor, BloomingRockStar Karaoke English Center USA, C, Illini Union, U, 6pm ton, 7:30pm, $18-$42 Mike ‘n Molly’s, C, 10pm 9am, 1:30pm, $245-$275 game-playing The Little Dog Laughed open mic The Station Theatre, U, Tuesday 3 T-N-T Tuesday Night 8pm, $8-$15 Open Stage for Bands Trivia with Cara and live music Call 384-4000 for tick- and Musicians Tanino ets Memphis on Main, C, 8pm Lara Driscoll Boltini Lounge, C, 7pm Annie V. Picasso, U, 6pm stage literary The Little Theatre on the Road Song Square, Sullivan, 2pm, Monday Night Comedy AnSun, C, 7pm Red Herring Fiction $28-$30 Illini Union, U, 8pm Corn Desert Ramblers Workshop Open Stage Abe Froman Project Rosebowl Tavern, Ltd., U, Channing-Murray FoundaRed Herring Coffeehouse, Mike ‘n Molly’s, C, 9pm 9pm tion, U, 7:30pm

miscellaneous

buz z ’s WEEK AHEAD The Little Dog Laughed The Station Theatre 223 N. Broadway Ave., U. Friday, July 30 8 p.m. $15 As much as I love theater productions, I sure don’t get myself out to them enough, and a co-worker was recently telling me about how great the Station Theatre is. Also, I still get childishly excited when something is limited to mature audiences. It’s like being tall enough to go on a roller coaster, but better because my parents aren’t hanging around, trying to put their hands over my eyes and saying “this really isn’t for kids.” — Eli Chen, Music Editor

Champaign Then and Now

Champaign Public Library 200 W. Green St., C. Robeson Pavilion Room A & B Thursday, July 29 2 p.m. As part of a yearlong birthday celebration for Champaign, this will focus on where the city came from, how things have changed and what has stayed the same. Congratulations, Mom. After 20 years of dragging me to museums, I actually enjoy this sort of thing. — Lauren Hise, Community Editor

Urbana Blues, Brews & BBQ: Ray Fuller and the Blues Rockers 88 Broadway 142 Lincoln Square, U. Friday, July 30 4 p.m. $5 Since I’m going into my senior, I feel like I should stop and smell the wonderful roses the towns around here have to offer. This thing seems like it will be a fun, pure slice of Americana, one that will give my life purpose and hope. Plus, it’ll give me an excuse to start drinking at 4 in the afternoon, which means that I’ll have to start drinking at noon to properly pre-game. — Matt Carey, Arts & Entertainment Editor

Marrakesh Express: Tribute to Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young Canopy Club 708 S. Goodwin Ave., U. Friday, July 30 9 p.m. $7 Tribute bands can really be a great time if you can let yourself appreciate the idea of a tribute band. Plus, I really love Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. My dad made sure my siblings and I listened to plenty of them as kids, and it stuck. — Jeanine Russell, Food & Drink Editor

buzz

July 29 - August 4, 2010

the217.com

volunteer

Rantoul, 3:30pm Junior high kids (Grades 6-9 in the Fall) Champaign County YMCA’s Drop In Chess Champaign County YMCA kids & families Fitness & Family Center, C, Puzzling Summer at the 5:30pm Westville Public Library Children third-grade Westville Public Library, and up Westville, 9:30am Game Nights on Tuesday Children ages 5 and up Evenings 4th Annual Brian Cook Orpheum Children’s SciYouth Basketball Summer ence Museum, C, 6pm Camp Goodnight Storyshop Activities and Recreation Champaign Public Library, Center (ARC), C, 8:30am, C, 6:30pm $125 For children ages 2 to 5 Babies’ Lap Time lgbt Urbana Free Library, U, 9:45am, 10:30am eQuality Champaign-UrTuesday Twos bana meeting Champaign Public Library, C, Wesley-United Methodist 9:45am, 10:15am, 10:45am Church & Wesley FoundaFor 2-year-olds with a tion, U, 7pm parent or grandparent mind/body/spirit Speedstacking Champaign Public Library, Slow Flow C, 2pm Amara Yoga & Arts, U, Wave Club 5:30pm, $12 Rantoul Public Library, Ashtanga Yoga UC Books to Prisoners Work Session Urbana-Champaign Independent Media Center, U, 7pm

Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 7pm, $12

faith Grad Students and Professionals Weekly Fellowship Lunch University Baptist Church, C, 11:30am

classes & workshops Power Learning English Center USA, C, 9am, 1:30pm, $245-$275

Wednesday 4 live music Cherry Jam Urbana Free Library, U, 11:30am Donnie Heitler: Solo Piano Great Impasta, U, 6pm Live Irish Music Bentley’s Pub, C, 7pm Dave Cooper, Joni Dreyer, and Brad Hendricks Senator’s Bar & Grill, Savoy, 7:30pm Kilborn Alley Blues Band D.R. Diggers, C, 9pm

Caleb Cook Rosebowl Tavern, Ltd., U, 10pm

dj Tango Night with DJ Joe Grohens Cowboy Monkey, C, 7:30pm Wild West Wednesday It’ll Do 2, C, 9pm Boys Night Out with DJ Randall Ellison Boltini Lounge, C, 9pm DJ Tommy Williams Chester Street, C, 9pm, $2

dance music Country Dance Night at Bradley’s Bradley’s II, C, 8pm Weekly Salsa Night Cowboy Monkey, C, 10pm

concert

Open Stage Comedy Night featuring Jesse and Justin Tuttle Memphis on Main, C, 9pm

stage The Little Dog Laughed The Station Theatre, U, 8pm, $8-$15 Call 384-4000 for tickets As You Like It Ewing Manor, Bloomington, 10am Call (309)438-2535 for reservations Hair The Little Theatre on the Square, Sullivan, 2pm, 8pm, $28-$30

markets

Champaign Park District Summer Concerts Clark Park, C, 6:30pm

Mahomet Farmers Market Market Street, Mahomet, 3pm

karaoke

game-playing

CG Productions Presents: Pokémon Fan Club RockStar Karaoke Rantoul Public Library, AnSun, C, 9pm Rantoul, 5:30pm

at the research park Discover great music, fresh food, and a green state of mind in an out-of-the-ordinary micro-urban oasis. Admission is FREE! August 13 5-7:30pm Tours of solar Gable Home 5:30pm-close Green fair with local organizations 6:15pm Local opening act 7:30pm Occidental Brothers Dance Band International with Samba Mapangala At the corner of First Street and St. Mary’s Road, Champaign. Parking is free and bike racks are available. community partner:

open mic

Discover Gaming at the Library Champaign Public Library, C, 7pm CU64 Chess Club McKinley Presbyterian Church and Foundation, C, 7pm Bags Tournament Route 45 Wayside, Pesotum, 7pm, $5 Euchre Tournament Po’ Boys, U, 7:30pm Bingo Mike ‘n Molly’s, C, 9:30pm

volunteer Community Connections and Outreach Group Urbana-Champaign Independent Media Center, U, 6pm

kids & families

Kids Kayak Adventure Clinic Activities and Recreation Center (ARC), C, 9am, $28 Open to children ages 8-14. Call 398-2550 to register Kid’s Games Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 9:30am Suggested age 9 and up Storyshop Champaign Public Library, C, 9:45am, 10:30am Storyshop at the Branch Douglass Branch Library, C, 10:30am Children from preschool through first-grade Bubble Blast Urbana Free Library, U, 2pm Babies’ Lap Time: Moonlight Edition Urbana Free Library, U, 6:30pm

4th Annual Brian Cook Youth Basketball Summer community Camp Activities and Recreation Girls’ Night Center (ARC), C, 8:30am, Chabad Center for Jewish $125 Life, C, 8pm

mind/body/spirit Core Yoga Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 12pm, $12 Hatha Flow Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 5:45pm, $12 Candlelight Yoga Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 7pm, $12

faith Grad Students and Professionals Bible Study University Baptist Church, C, 7pm

miscellaneous The Bike Project: Open Hours Urbana-Champaign Independent Media Center, U, 6:30pm

classes & workshops Power Learning English Center USA, C, 9am, 1:30pm, $245-$275 Internet for Beginners Main Library, U, 10am For adults

Buy a Mac for college, and get a free iPod touch. If you’re a student, faculty or staff member and you buy a new Mac before September 7, you can get a free 8GB iPod touch. Terms and conditions apply, see store or site for details.

illini tech center 512 E. Green Street, In The Heart of Campus www.illinitechcenter.com 217.337.3116

buzz

Store Hours: Mon–Sat: 9am–6pm, Sun: Noon–5pm

the217.com

I watch choose-your-own-adventure porn. On laser disc.

DOIN’ IT WELL

JULY 29 - AUGUST 4, 2010

BY JO SANGER AND ROSS WANTLAND

SENSATIONAL LUBES A

recent conversation with a reader about where to ﬁnd lube got us thinking. Just a few years ago, lube was primarily available at sex toy shops or through specialty catalogs. Now we can watch primetime television and catch advertisements for KY Yours + Mine, which is not only lube, but also creates various sensations for either partner. But, even though there may be increased availability of lube, we still might not know what to buy. Here’s a “Doin’ It Well” quick and dirty guide to lube for you! THE BASICS

Lube reduces friction and increases pleasure during solo sex. For vaginal or anal intercourse, it can make sex easier, reduce chaﬁng and add pleasure. Lube comes in a variety of forms, from lotions to creams to liquid. Lube can be waterbased, oil-based or silicon-based. Many stores carry lubes, but for the best selection check out your local sex toy shop. Water-based lubes generally contain glycerin and include brands such as Wet or KY. These are what you’re most likely to ﬁnd gracing the aisles of your local Walgreens or Meijer. Water-based lubes are great because they are compatible with condoms or other latex barriers. However, water-based lubes tend to have less staying

Finding the lube that’s right for you

power (lose their slickness sooner) than silicon or oil-based. Oil-based lubes on the other hand are used more commonly for masturbation. Because the oils will degrade latex, these shouldn’t be used in combination with a latex barrier. Additionally, using oil-based lubes for vaginal intercourse can increase the chances of bacterial or yeast infections. There are some oil-based lubes on the market, but you can also use some goodies from your baking aisle, such as olive oil, coconut oil or mineral oil. But, our advice is to keep these for solo sex. Silicon lubes are the newest; containing microscopic particles of silicon, these lubes provide a slick — but lasting — feeling. Because the silicon lubes don’t wear out as quickly as waterbased, they can be useful for anal intercourse or intercourse in the water, where water-based lubes will just wash away. The only drawback is that silicon lubes can degrade silicon sex toys, so these shouldn’t mix. Also, there are several brands of organic or allergen-free lubes currently available. And don’t forget the original organic lube — spit! Beyond the basics, though, there are a host of “sensation” lubes out there that promise to intensify, arouse and inflame your desires. Here is our quick review of some of these “sensational lubes.”

WARM IT UP

FEELING IT

KY has had a warming liquid-gel on the market for several years. We’ve also heard good recommendations about Emerita OH! Warming Lubricant. Warming lubes work in a few different ways. KY states that their lube is anhydrous (doesn’t contain water molecules) and produces a warming sensation on the skin when it combines with moisture. We wonder if this is why some of the lubes available warm up when they are blown on or touched. When the skin on the outside warms up, it produces a sensation like when the sexual areas are engorged with blood during arousal. Other warming lubes contain cinnamon bark, capsaicin (the active ingredient in hot peppers) or other natural ingredients.

These sensation lubes aren’t for everyone. If you notice irritation when using one of these lubes, take a break and wash it off. Most of the lubes are water-based, so they should wash off easily. Also, not everyone has the same experience with the exact same lube. What might feel really amazing to one person might not provide any pleasure for the next. These lubes aren’t magic, and each of our bodies works in its own way. There are also a number of “lasting” creams or lubes that are supposed to numb (usually the penis) to prolong the sexual experience. We can appreciate the desire to have sex longer — whether for yourself, your partner or to ﬁt an idea of how sex should look; however, when we numb ourselves, we might be missing out on information that our body is telling us. Numbing creams and lubes can mask irritation or injury, and usually don’t help you last longer anyway (because you can’t feel your arousal as well). Our tip: feel it. The best way to gain mastery of your sexual response and performance is to be more in tune with your body, not less. Stay tuned until next week as we explore the legend of the simultaneous orgasm.

COOL AND TINGLY

There are also many different lubes on the market that claim to intensify arousal by creating a cooling sensation. These lubes often contain menthol or peppermint; think Icy Hot, but sexier. In addition to the cooling sensation, some lubes also produce a tingly feeling. Brands include Kama Sutra Intensifying Cooling Gel and Sliquid Organics Stimulating O Gel. While some people seem to really enjoy these sensations, others ask how cooling down can maintain the arousal. And don’t forget to try ﬂavored lubes during oral sex for a tasty treat!

Jo and Ross can’t write without you! Send us your ideas to buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com

buzz

July 29 - August 4, 2010

the217.com

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY ARIES

(March 21-April 19)

Success coach Tom Ferry says our ability to pursue our dreams can be damaged by four addictions: 1. an addiction to what other people think of us; 2. an addiction to creating melodrama in a misguided quest for excitement; 3. an addiction to believing we’re imprisoned by what happened in the past; 4. an addiction to negative thoughts that fill us with anxiety. The good news, Aries, is that in the coming weeks you will find it easier than usual to free yourself from addictions 1, 3, and 4. On the other hand, you may be extra susceptible to addiction 2. So take action to make sure you don’t fall victim to it! What can you do to avoid distracting adventures and trivial brouhahas?

TAURUS

(April 20-May 20)

Some of the biggest whales feed primarily on tiny organisms like protozoa, algae, and krill. They swim around with their mouths open, gulping seawater, using filtering structures in their upper jaws to sieve out the stuff they want to eat. Their strategy for getting a meal has resemblances to an approach you may benefit from using: sifting through a lot of superfluous material to get the rich basics you seek. Discernment isn’t the only skill you’ll need; relaxed patience will be crucial, too.

GEMINI

(May 21-June 20)

You know about World War II, but do you know about the planet’s worst conflict since then? It was the Second Congo War, involving eight African nations and killing 5.4 million people between 1998 and 2006. You’re painfully aware of the oil hemorrhage in the Gulf of Mexico, but have you heard about the equally horrific catastrophe that an American oil company wreaked on Ecuador from the early 1960s until 1992 (tinyurl.com/EcuadorOil)? I bring these things up, Gemini, because now is an excellent time for you to fill in gaps in your education and learn the rest of any story that you’ve been missing -- not just concerning events in the world but also in regards to your personal history. P.S. Much of what you find, unlike the Congo War and the Ecuadorian oil disaster, may be good news.

CANCER

(June 21-July 22)

A psychic in Colorado was arrested for bilking her clients. Nancy Marks allegedly told people that their money was possessed by nasty spirits, and that the best solution was to hand the money over to her. The cops claim she collected 290,000 of the evil dollars before she was nabbed. My message to you, Cancerian, is very different from the psychic’s warning: Your bank account has a divine blessing on it. At least temporarily, this makes you a kind of cash magnet; you have an unusual power to attract legal tender. Take advantage! Say this sacred mantra: “O monnee gimmee summ.”

LEO

(July 23-Aug. 22)

Can you force things to grow? Is it possible to induce ripening simply by aggressively exerting your willpower? Normally I’d say no, but these days I think it’s within your capacity. Don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying you could go up to a tomato plant and magically transform mid-size green tomatoes into big orange beauties. But from a metaphorical perspective, you could accomplish something like that. What fragile bud would benefit from bursts of your vitality? What sweet young thing might thrive with your invigorating help?

VIRGO

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

In James Hillman’s book The Dream and the Underworld, he says something I’ve heard from other researchers -- that the majority of dreams we have each night are unpleasant. But that’s not true for me. Way more than 50% of mine are educational, entertaining, and not at all bad or scary. Quite a few have jokes and riddles. Most stretch my understanding of how the world works and motivate me to get smarter about what I’ve been ignorant about. As you enter the Intense Dreaming Phase of your cycle, Virgo, I suspect your nocturnal adventures will resemble mine. Get ready to encounter intriguing characters who’ll have the power to heal you. Talking animals may give you righteous 12

buzz

July 29 – August 4

clues about upcoming waking-life decisions. A mercurial teacher could relieve you of a delusion. The wind and rain may play music that dissolves your fear.

LIBRA

jone sin’

by Matt Jones

“That Won’t Cut It” — Gotta be sharp for this one.

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

During the Tang Dynasty, a golden age of Chinese culture, educated people didn’t use clichéd salutations to begin and end their encounters with each other. No “Hi, how you doing?” or “See you later. Take care.” Instead, they improvised creatively, composing poetic riffs appropriate for the occasion. “Your face is especially bright today. Are you expecting to see a lucky cloud?” or “I’ll bask in your glories again later. In the meantime, may you find a brisk blend of elegance and mischief.” I’d love to see you do something like that, Libra. It’s prime time to boost your alliances to a higher octave. Give more to your collaborators, and ask for more, too.

SCORPIO

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

I admire people who sweat freely and bundantly while they’re working hard at what they love to do. Singer James Brown, “The Godfather of Soul,” was renowned for his sweltering floods, and so is baseball player Pablo Sandoval. But many unfamous people I’ve known would also be top candidates for King and Queen of Sacred Sweat, like my friend Julia, who practices her passion in the garden, and my friend Luke, who welds giant metal sculptures. I’m hoping you will come into your own as one of this elite group, Scorpio. The omens suggest you’d be wise to raise the heat in your alchemical furnace.

SAGITTARIUS

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

The wind coming off the creek has picked up in the last half hour, and so the branches of the lemon tree outside my office window are swaying vehemently in the late afternoon sun. Is the tree upset? No. Is it worried or offended or angry at the wind? Of course not. From what I can tell, it’s enjoying the raucous movement. I can even imagine that it knows how lucky it is: It wouldn’t be able to dance so expressively without the help of the gusts. I hope you’ll interpret your experiences in the coming week with a similar perspective, Sagittarius.

CAPRICORN

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

While flying over water, an eagle can spot a fish swimming from 300 feet away. As it prowls through a winter landscape, a coyote can detect the presence of a mouse bustling beneath thick snow. I suspect you’ll have a comparable knack for tuning in to things that are of keen interest, Capricorn, even if they are hidden or located at a distance. To maximize your advantage, get clear about what you’re hungry for. Build a vivid image in your mind’s eye of what you need.

AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Lola, a woman I know, has mastered the art of self-contradiction. She makes no apologies for the apparent oppositions she gladly contains. For instance, she’s perfectly at ease with the fact that she is not only a lesbian anarchist skater punk who’s a prolific graffiti artist, but also a devout Christian who doesn’t consume drugs or alcohol, drives a Lexus SUV, and volunteers as a massage therapist at a hospice. Your internal paradoxes may or may not be as extreme as hers, Aquarius, but I urge you to express them with the panache that she does.

PISCES

(Feb. 19-March 20)

My friend Erica went to a Chinese herbalist, seeking help for a skin problem that hadn’t been healed by six other doctors. “Very rare condition,” the herbalist told her. There was only one thing he knew that would work: Erica would have to travel to the Ruoergai Marshes in Sichuan Province, China and track down a White-tailed Eagle, whose fresh droppings she would gather up and apply to the affected areas of her skin. As the prospect of such a pilgrimage was daunting, Erica decided instead to simply imagine herself carrying it out. After a week of such meditations, her skin had improved. In 21 days, she wasn’t completely cured, but she was much better. The moral of the story, Pisces: Simply visualizing a heroic healing quest may help fix your glitch.

Stumped? Find the solutions in the Classifieds pages.

Across 1 “Serpico” author Peter 5 San Francisco water 8 Later, on a clock 13 Tubular pasta 14 It may be more than enough 15 Swashbuckler who left his mark 16 How things are often trampled 18 Ankarans, for example 19 They’re not very useful for cutting steak 21 That thing, in Spanish 22 Some Greek consonants 23 It happened back in cold-en days 27 ___ Friday’s 28 ___ thai 30 Thousand, slangily 31 They’re not that good for cutting cloth 36 Facing the pitcher 37 Cracklin’ ___ Bran 38 Gag reflex spot 39 They won’t cut through your opponent, like in the movie 42 Restricted hosp. areas 43 ___ 4 update (recent Apple release) 44 Amtrak stop: abbr. 45 “This Is ___” (1934 hymn) 48 “Want ___ Be” (2005 song by

Ginuwine) 49 Sharon Jones & The ___-Kings 52 They’re good for their own job, but lousy for cutting thicker stuff 56 Doll line that features Yasmin, Cloe and Jade 59 Destitute 60 “Vive ___!” (“Long live the king!”) 61 “...can ___ long way” 62 It’s seen near the 6 63 Packs (down) 64 Pitiable fool 65 Super Mario World console

Down 1 They may be pulled down 2 “...___ the republic for which it stands” 3 Work without ___ (take risks) 4 Ecosystem with world’s largest land migration 5 Gives a card to, in soccer 6 Bartlett’s attrib. 7 The Abominable Snowman 8 Quetzalcoatl worshiper 9 Grouchy TV doctor 10 Make a mistake 11 Boat with bears 12 Advisable tactics 13 Stray hair found at crime

scenes, perhaps 17 A couple of dates, say 20 Veni-vici link 24 Love, in Lille 25 When tripled, a Motley Crue hit 26 Fashion journalist Klensch 27 Non-stick cookware company 28 Tests for high school jrs. 29 Play divisions 31 Tale 32 Bottomless pit 33 Pirate’s cry 34 Bulleted points, perhaps 35 Cinematographer Nykvist 36 It’s just a little bit 40 Best Picture winner with Maurice Chevalier 41 Sean of “Lord of the Rings” 46 In the lead 47 “Surf ___ Must Die” (1987 comedy) 48 Bones near the elbow 49 Tractor man John 50 Backsides, in Birmingham 51 “Hey, over here!” 53 Juli Inkster’s org. 54 Visionaries, they hope 55 Get ready (for) 56 Simple lunch 57 Stephen of “The Crying Game” 58 Shot site

Classifieds

Deadline: 2 p.m. Tuesday for the next Thursday’s edition. Index Employment 000 Services 100 Merchandise 200 Transportation 300 Apartments 400 Other Housing/Rent 500 Real Estate for Sale 600 Things To Do 700 Announcements 800 Personals 900

• PLEASE CHECK YOUR AD! Report errors immediately by calling 337-8337. We cannot be responsible for more than one day’s incorrect insertion if you do not notify us of the error by 2 pm on the day of the first insertion. • All advertising is subject to the approval of the publisher. The Daily Illini shall have the right to revise, reject or cancel, in whole or in part, any advertisement, at any time. • All employment advertising in this newspaper is subject to the City of Champaign Human Rights Ordinance and similar state and local laws, making it illegal for any person to cause to be published any advertisement which expresses limitation, specification or discrimination as to race, color, mental handicap, personal appearance, sexual orientation, family responsibilities, political affiliation, prior arrest or conviction record, source of income, or the fact that such person is a student. • Specification in employment classifications are made only where such factors are bonafide occupational qualifications necessary for employment. • All real estate advertising in this newspaper is subject to the Federal Fair Housing Act of 1968, and similar state and local laws which make it illegal for any person to cause to be published any advertisement relating to the transfer, sale, rental, or lease of any housing which expresses limitation, specifications or discrimination as to race, color, creed, class, national origin, religion, sex, age, marital status, physical or mental handicap, personal appearance, sexual oientation, family responsibilities, political affiliation, or the fact that such person is a student. • This newspaper will not knowingly accept any advertising for real estate that is in violation of the law. Our readers are informed that all dwellings advertised in this newspaper are available on an equal oppportunity basis.

Deadline:

HELP WANTED

020 APARTMENTS

Part time

Furnished/Unfurnished

The Federation of Animal Science Societies (FASS) seeks experienced IT professional. For a complete job description, see http://www.fass.org/ positions.asp. EOE. Deadline for applications is August 20th. No phone calls please.

TUTORING

FOR SALE

285

BMW 2004 R1150R. 1 owner, superb condition 20k, $5950 (217)344-3661

Billed rate: 43¢/word Paid-in-Advance: 37¢/word

Photo Sellers

30 words or less + photo: $5 per issue

Garage Sales

30 words in both Thursday’s buzz and Friday’s Daily Illini!! $10. If it rains, your next date is free.

Action Ads

• 20 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $20 • 10 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $10 • add a photo to an action ad, $10

2 BR QUIET TOWNHOUSE. 1000 SqFt, C/A, D/W. Grad neighbors, campus busline. August $700-750. (217) 398-1998 www.lincolnshireprop.com.

1405-1407 W. KIRBY, C. Available Now/August 2010. Attractive Colonial building, on busline. Large 2 bdrm corner apts approx 739 sq. ft. $450/mo, Interior 2 bdrm apts. from $425/mo, $50/mo to furnish. Central A/C, carpet, laundry, parking avail. Call for showing times. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com

305/307/311 W Birch, C. On-site laundry, 1 parking spot incl., No Pets from $500

Furnished/Unfurnished

410

www.ppmrent.com · 351-1800

Best Offer Campus Great deal! 2 Bedrooms from $710/month Special: LCD TV $15/month 367-6626

COUNTRY FAIR APARTMENTS 1 & 2 bedroom, furnished or unfurnished, FREE gas heat, water, trash removal, basic satellite TV & FREE parking! Pool, tennis court, inside laundry. On 4 MTD bus routes. Small pet O.K. Ask about our student leases. M-F 9-5:30, Sat. 9-12. Call 359-3713 or just stop by our ofﬁce in the red barn, at 2106 W. White, C. www.myapartmenthome.com

Wanna know what we’re

playing?

THE217.COM for the latest 107.1 WPGU playlist

Efficiencies

2 Bedrooms

1 Bedrooms

104 E. John

208/210 E.White

508 S. First

1103 S. Euclid

108 W. Charles

11 E. Logan

104 E. John 103 E. Healey

4 Bedrooms

3 Bedrooms

105 S. Fourth

210 E. White

1103 S. Euclid

310 E. Clark

807 S. Locust 208/210 E. White

House 108 E. Daniel

Call for an appointment 351-1767 www.johnsonrentals.com rentals@ johnsonrentals.com

410 APARTMENTS Furnished

BEST OFFER CAMPUS 1 BR Loft 2 BR 3 BR 4 BR Campus. 367-6626 Available August 2010

420 APARTMENTS Furnished

the217.com

420 APARTMENTS

420

Furnished

Second & Healey

1005 S. Second, C.

111 E. Healey Large studio & 1 Bedroom Apts. New Furniture, New Carpet New Appliances Starting @ $435/mo For showings Call 217.352.3182 universitygroupapartments.com

203 S. Sixth, C.

Fall 2010 studio and 4 bedroom penthouse. Secured building. Private parking, laundry on-site. Value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

August 2010. Large 4 bedrooms, 2 bath. Balconies, laundry, covered parking. Starting at $250/person. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

34 MAIN, C. Available August 2010. Amazing 2 bedroom units in the heart of downtown Champaign. Units feature hardwood ﬂoors, designer kitchens with granite countertops, central A/C, dishwashers, W/D, 20' ceilings with 10' windows and much more! Rents to $1,100/mo. Call for showing times.

Choice of 1, 2 & 3 Bedrooms for Fall

BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com

Courtyard on Randolph 717 S. Randolph, C. One 3 Bedroom Left RENT REDUCTION $695/month. Near Campus and Downtown Champaign. Includes Direct T.V., Water, Trash and Parking. Has balcony with seasonal pool on-site. 217-352-8540 www.faronproperties.com

APARTMENTS Furnished

420

John/Healey

Furnished 1 & 2 bedroom near John & Second $495/mo., Healey & Third $395/mo., Studios on Healey and First $345/mo. Available Now. Call 356-1407

Check out

Fall 2010 Apartments

2 p.m. Monday for the next Thursday’s edition.

Rates:

QUIET TOWNHOUSE

ENORMOUS ONE BEDROOM · AUG 2010 APARTMENTS

Furnished/Unfurnished

3BR, $990 includes heat, water, w/d, 3 parking spaces, 301 W. Illinois, U. 2 BR, 601 W. Springﬁeld, C. $620 includes heat, water, parking; 808 W. Springﬁeld, U, includes water, parking; laundry on-site; Call Chris at 684-2226 or crpayne30@hotmail.com

150

Piano, Voice, and Language Tutoring Do you wish you had more time with your children without having to worry about homework? Do you want your students to have more creativity and critical thinking? Do you wish you could ﬁnd a tutor with a global approach to education and who's willing to come to you? Please call for more information as well as references. (573) 587-0661.

410 APARTMENTS

now leasing

• Laundry Facilities, many with washer/dryer in unit • Dishwasher/Microwave • Intercom Entries • 24 Hour Emergency Maintenance • Balconies • Parking

* $1,000.00 off 3br while supplies last Take a virtual tour at www.bankierapts.com

For showings call 217.328.3770 to set up an appointment Monday - Saturday 217.328.3770

Old Town Champaign 510 S. Elm, C. Available Now & Fall 2010. 2 BR close to campus, hardwood ﬂoors, laundry, W/D, central air/heat, off-street parking, 24 hr. maintenance. Value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

www.BAILEYAPARTMENTS.com

Place an Ad: 217 - 337 - 8337

July 29 - August 4, 2010

Two Bedrooms Furnished Urbana Side

3 Blocks To Quad! $695 DW, microwave, desk, central a/c, balcony

Bailey Apts. 344-3008 buzz

July 29 - August 4, 2010

APARTMENTS Furnished

the217.com

420 APARTMENTS

John Street Apartments 58 E. John, C. August 2010. Studio, two, three bedrooms, fully furnished. Some ﬂat screens and leather furniture. 6 and 10 month leases available. Dishwasher, center courtyard, on-site laundry, central air, parking. Starting at $280/person. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

Safe Street. Modern. 1 block from Lincoln and Green. 1 BR. Kitchen, living room, W/D. Includes parking. Available August. $500. No pets, no smoking. westernrentals705@gmail.com

Furnished

420 APARTMENTS

209/211 E. Clark, C. 2 bed/1 bath furnished Starting at $625/mo for August 2010 Green Street Realty 24 E. Green St. Suite 10 Champaign, IL 61820 (217) 356-8750

807 to 809 W. ILLINOIS, U Aug 2010. 1 Bdrms corner of Lincoln & Illinois. Window A/C, Laundry, Rent $550/mo. Parking $50/mo. Call for showing times. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com

Furnished

420 APARTMENTS

203 Healey, C. Fall 2010. Great location on the park. Private balconies. Fully furnished 3 bedrooms, $310/person. Parking, laundry, value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182 Furnished 1 BR 110 E. John. Lofts on John, which include w/d, dishwasher, ice maker, and loft bedrooms. Available for the Fall. $750/mo. Call 356-1407 Quiet, residential neighborhood. Efﬁciency apt., completely furnished, includes garage. $385/mo. Visit www.joelwardhomes.com or call Gene at 217-722-8151

420 APARTMENTS

Furnished

420 APARTMENTS Furnished

420

HEALEY COURT APARTMENTS

Single Rooms/Studios

307, 310 E. White, C 307, 309 Clark, C

307-309 Healey Court, C. Fall 2010. Behind FU Bar. 2 bedrooms. Parking, laundry. Starting at $385/person. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

Furnished Rooms Near Gregory and Arbor, Champaign http://www.armoryhouse.com/housing_options/ahannexes/1109%20Arbor.htm Call: 217-384-0333 or 217-840-6860 (cell) for tour. www.armoryhouse.com

Fall 2010. Large studio, double closet, well furnished. Starting from $350/mo. Behind County Market. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

Security Entrance Fall 2010, Large studio, 1 bedroom. Furnished, balconies, patios, laundry, off-street parking, value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

705 W. Stoughton, U

509 Bash Court, C.

Fall 2010 3 bedroom apartment. Spacious living area. Communal balcony, great backyard. Plus a bar area in kitchen, dishwasher, washer/dryer in each unit, value pricing. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

Fall 2010 Great 3 bedrooms, behind Legends. Fully furnished, dishwashers, laundry. Off-street parking. Starting at $330/person. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

714 W. Elm

QUIET, MODERN ENGINEERING CAMPUS, 2 BEDROOM, 2 STORY TOWNHOUSES, $860. REALLY UNIQUE HUGE 2-3BR with loft $1050-1150 www.lincolnshireprop.com (217) 398-1998

$385

509 E. White, C. August 2010. Large Studio and 1 bedrooms. Security entry, balconies, patios, furnished. Laundry, off-street parking, value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

604 E. White, C.

EvErything

includEd

no hiddEn costs

Includes: furnished, electricity, gas, water & internet 609 S. Randolph, C. 1 block from campus 1 bedroom with private bathroom– share living room & kitchen with 3 other people Secured underground parking for $30 per month Semester lease (5 months) = $465 10 month lease = $435 12 month lease = $385 Office Located at 610 S. Randolph 217.359.3527

ADVANTAGE PROPERTIES C-U

WALK TO CAMPUS! All of our apartments are 1-4 blocks from Campus

CALL fOr SPring PriCing SPeCiALS!

• Free Internet • Washer & Dryer in every unit • Dishwasher in most units • Furnished • Air Conditioning

1 Bedroom Apartments 2 Bedroom Apartments 2 Bedroom 2 Bath Apartments 3 Bedroom 3 Bath Apartments

HALf Off 1ST MOnTH’S renT! 217-344-0394

www.advproperties.com Corner of Lincoln & University / 406 N. Lincoln Ave., Urbana 14

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the217.com July 29 - August 4, 2010

Woe is the white man. He cannot dance no matter how many cultures he conquers.

APARTMENTS Furnished

420 APARTMENTS

506 E. Stoughton, C. For August 2010. Extra large efﬁciency apartments. Security building entry, complete furniture, laundry, off-street parking, value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. Semester Leases, $420/mo. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

711 W Elm, Urbana • 3 & 4 Bedroom Townhouses • Engineering Campus • 3 Level Townhouse • 2 Bathrooms • Balconies off Bedrooms • 1 Covered Parking Included • Additional Parking Available • Laundry Onsite • AC/Dishwasher • Garbage Disposal 91/2 Month lease available. Sign in June, recieve 1 month free on select units.

337-1565 www.hunsingerapts.com

Furnished

420 APARTMENTS

602 E. Stoughton, C Fall 2010. Unique 1, 2 bedroom apartments. Furnished, laundry, internet. 2 Bedrooms starting at $387/ person. Parking available. Must see! THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

H H

HUGE!

H H

309 N. Busey – August 2010

2 BR Fully furnished, W/D, ethernet & parking. Close to Beckman. $625/mo. Call Chris anytime. 841-1996 or 352-3182

ENGINEERING

cAmpUS · AUG 2010

2BR, 1BA, from $655. located at 1003 W Stoughton C/A, on-site laundry, Ethernet Incl., No Pets 10 month lease available

www.ppmrent.com · 351-1800

Now Leasing for Fall 2010! 1, 2, 3, and 4 Bedroom Properties Apartments and Houses On or Off Campus Furnished or Unfurnished

Green Street Realty

www.greenstrealty.com 24 East Green St., Champaign, IL 61820 217-356-8750

Do You Want Close? Leasing for Fall Engineering Campus

Close In

Urbana Locations

Illini Union 3 1/2 Blocks Mech. Eng. 3 Blocks

420 APARTMENTS

Furnished

306-308-309 White, C August 2010. Furnished studios, 1, 2, and 3 bedrooms. Balconies, patios, laundry, dishwashers, off-street parking. Behind County Market. Starting at $265/person. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

APARTMENTS

NEWER 1BR! 808 W Illinois, U. C/A, W/D, D/W No Pets $750 Available Aug 2010

WWW.PPMRENT.COM · 351-1800

800 W. Church, C

BRAND NEW 503 E Springfield, C. W/D, D/W, 1 BR walk-in closet, C/A, No Pets From $765 Avail Aug 2010

www.ppmrent.com · 351-1800

Economical 2BRs Available Now & August Near Shopping/Transportation $500/mo Call 217-352-8540 www.faronproperties.com Near Downtown 605 N. Walnut St, C. 1 BR, 2nd ﬂoor, $410. Water, garbage included. 217-840-9965

HUGE 1BR

TURNBERRY RIDGE, C.

ON GREEN ST • AUG

APRIL SPECIAL•FREE INTERNET

205 E Green, Champaign Water Included · On-site laundry No Pets · A/C · Starting $515 WWW.PPMRENT.COM · 351-1800

Huge, luxury 2 & 3 bedroom duplexes in high-end residential neighborhood in SW Champaign. 2 car attached garages, central A/C, gas log ﬁreplaces, walk-in closets, w/d hookups, dishwasher, disposal, 3 bdrms 2.5 baths from $1,275/mo + utils, 2 bdrms - 2 baths from $1,020/mo + utils. Shown 7 days a week. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com

NEW KITCHENS

group

Contact Justin at 618-304-8562

Completely Furnished On-Site Parking & Laundry On-Site Resident Manager universitygroupapartments.com 217-352-3182

1 & 2 BEDROOMS Office 911 W. Springfield, Urbana 344-3008 www.BaileyApartments.com

Digital Comp. Lab, Grainger, Siebel 2 1/2 Blocks

$445/mo. Includes trash hauling, water, sewer, off-street parking. 3 blocks from Green and Neil. Large 1 BR apartments available August. Call for showing. 217-352-1335. www.wamplerapartments.com

512 W. GREEN, C. Aug 2010. Double security brick building in excellent location. Large 2 bdrm apts with approx 800 sq. ft. Parking, Central A/C, Carpet, Laundry facilities. On busline. Rents $475/mo to $495/mo. Call for showing times. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com 611 W. Church St. C. Beautiful 2 BR in security locked building. Near downtown Champaign. Laundry facilities. Heat, hot water, sanitary garbage included. Parking spot in lit off-street parking. Extra storage, dishwasher, A/C. Sound & ﬁre proof. No pets. Available August 1st. $675/mo. Open viewing Sundays 2-4pm. 649-7409.

705 W. CHURCH, C. Aug 2010. Very attractive apts located near downtown. On busline. Large apts. Balconies or patios. One bdrms from $425/mo. Two bedrooms from $475/mo. Call for showing times. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC 356-1873 www.barr-re.com

SOUTHWEST PLACE APTS, C. August 2010. Located in SW Champaign near Windsor & Mattis. 1 bedrooms. Carpet, gas heat, central a/c. Laundry in bldg, dishwashers, patio/balconies, parking. 1 bdrms from $490/mo. Call for showing times. BARR REAL ESTATE 356-1873 www.barr-re.com

1 Bedrooms Now Available, C. EFFICIENCIES: 705 W. Elm, U 1 BEDROOMS: 1308 Grandview, C

2 BEDROOMS: 3 BEDROOMS: 604 1/2 W. Elm, U 610 W. Elm, U 905 W. Springfield, U 711 W. Elm, U 4 BEDROOMS: 711 W. Elm, U

Hunsinger Enterprises Inc. Call 337-1565 for an appointment. www.hunsingerapts.com

Smith Apartments Now Renting for August 2010 217-384-1925 2 Bedrooms 511 W. Church, C .................................. $660

Graduate Student's Dream! Quiet, Spacious, 2 BR + loft duplex near campus. Price Reduced! $695/ mo. + utilities. 217-552-6873.

SUBLETS

440

711 S. Randolph 811 W. Hill 515 W. Washington Starting from $445/mo. and up Call 217-352-8540 or www.faronproperties.com

111-121 W. Park, U Aug 2010. Overlooking Crystal Lake Park. Adjacent to Carle Clinic and close to U of I Campus- Engineering & Computer Science. Efﬁciencies from $365/mo and 2 bedrooms from $465/mo. Shown 7 days a week. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com

Great Location

SUBLETS

TURNBERRY RIDGE, C. Huge, luxury 2 & 3 bedroom duplexes in high-end residential neighborhood in SW Champaign. 2 car attached garages, central A/C, gas log ﬁreplaces, walk-in closets, w/d hookups, dishwasher, disposal, 3 bdrms 2.5 baths from $1,275/mo + utils, 2 bdrms - 2 baths from $1,020/mo + utils. Shown 7 days a week. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com

460 ROOMS

Off Campus

1 Bedroom Available Older homes off-campus, wood ﬂoors. Parking and partial utilities included. Available for summer or fall and spring semesters. Pet friendly! 217-369-7205.

HOUSES FOR RENT

510

10 Bedroom $2800

530

Now - August

Campus Rooms from $270 (217) 367-6626

ROOMMATE WANTED 550 CAMPUS, Large furnished private room in house on busline. $265/mo and up. 217-356-0345

On Campus. Fall 2010 367-6626

11 Bedroom $2800 On Campus. Fall 2010 367-6626

701 N. Lincoln, U. Spacious 3 bedroom 1 bath house. Fully furnished, near Engineering campus, washer and dryer in basement, free parking! $750 per month. Available Aug. 20th. ADVANTAGE PROPERTIES 217-344-0394 Available Fall 2010 104 W. Oregon, U. 4 bed/2 bath $1600/mo $1000 deposit www.greenstrealty.com

House Near Campus 1207 S. Busey. Beautiful, spacious, 4-bedrooms, plus ofﬁce, 3.5 baths, dishwasher, disposal, basement, screened porch, 2 ﬁreplaces, central A/C, washer/dryer hookup, 2-car garage, near campus and Illini Grove park, Urbana. $2400/mo., 217-384-1925, smithapartments-cu. com. 1512 Ogelthorpe Urbana. 3 Bedroom 2 bath washer/dryer available now. $1200/mo (217) 778-1121 Available Now! 508 E. Illinois. 2 BR, 1 bath, new washer/dryer, large kitchen, unfurnished in quiet Urbana neighborhood, pets allowed, 312-489-3002, rschattn@earthlink.net

713 W Springfield URBANA · AUg 2010 4BR, 2BA, 1 block East of Lincoln. 2 car garage, No Pets. Internet hookup, washer/dryer provided

$1,375 www.ppmrent.com · 351-1800

Christian Men’s House. International and temporaries welcome. Limited laundry, internet, Cable TV, telephone. Utilities included. $305-$330/ month. 364-3943.

Available NOW 2 Bedroom Apartment Pay half utilities, close to campus $295/mo. 367-6626

CONDOS/DUPLEXES 620 Condo with tons of new updates. Quiet neighborhood, close U of I campus. Serious buyers only please! 217493-3079 Spacious, Pet Friendly 3bdr/1.5ba With Garage! Spacious, pet friendly, 1400 sqft, 3bdr/1.5 ba, 1 car garage, central heat/air, dishwasher, snow removal and lawn maintenance incl. Call/email Danielle for more info or a showing. 217-898-3347 d_rynczak@hotmail.com

HOUSES FOR SALE

630

2510 E. Florida. Sale by Owner, $134,000. 3 Bedroom, Basement 2 big rooms, more space, like new. Move in must sell. (217)344-0058 zhangcars@yahoo.com 808 West Green, Champaign Beautiful 5 BR, 2 BA home. New roof, new furnace and central air. Ideal for incoming professional. $194,900 Ted Pfeffer 217-766-5108.

k_\ 9LQQ

2BR condo, $650/mo., quiet, secure building, newly remodeled, parking under cover, balcony. Call 217-355-3754

Awesome C-U Apartments

House 1207 S. Busey, U

430 CONDOS/DUPLEXES 520

Unfurnished

CAMPUS, Large furnished private room in house on busline. Parking free. $275/mo and up. 217-356-0345

430

Now Leasing for Fall 2010 $99 Deposit for ALL Apartments. 2 and 3 Bedrooms. Free Heat and Water. Landmark Apartments. 502 W. Main, Urbana IL. 217-384-5876. landmark-apts@sbcglobal.net.

BUILDInG In 2008!

430 APARTMENTS

606 S. Prairie, C.

Fall 2010 1 bedroom. Location, location. Covered parking, laundry, furnished, patios. Value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

Unfurnished

FULLY ACCESSIBLE

503 - 505 - 508 White 2 Bedroom with den $790 3 Bedroom $830-950

Unfurnished

1006 S. 3rd, C.

GREAT VALUE

theuniversity

420 APARTMENTS

Furnished

...............................

$2400

See line ad in section 510 for more info Parking available, laundry available

www.smithapartments-cu.com

Huge 1BR $450+ and 2 BR $500+ Many Amenities Newly Remodeled www.bz-management.com 637-4104 or 637-7100

the217.com/buzz

11 \m\ip k_lij[Xp buzz

July 29 - August 4, 2010

the217.com

AND ANOTHER THING ...

by MICHAEL COULTER

know your idols The unfortunate state of celebrities today You don’t need me to tell you, but it would appear that things are getting pretty crazy in this world of ours. I feel I should be more concerned with that hole that’s leaking oil in the ocean floor. It’s just that I bet they’ve already thought of and tried most of my solutions, so it’s unclear how I can help. Suffice it to say, my plan involves a long stick and an enormous cork, so it’s not ground breaking to begin with. Besides the oil-leaking hole to worry about, the economy is still bad, politicians are still crooked, immigration still pisses everybody off, and there’s a whole lot more trouble than that down the road. Those are the usual things though, and we’ll get through them. The biggest problem facing us now is one we could not have imagined, and that’s what makes it so vexing. It

It’s just plain weird. Mel Gibson, the fella who showed so much restraint when he directed Passion of the Christ, suddenly can’t control himself. Oh wait, it wasn’t all that sudden really. Wasn’t he the guy who got arrested for drunk driving and went off on some sort of tirade on the Jews a few years back? Maybe I shouldn’t be at all surprised with the recent turn of events. People say he drinks too much, and I’m sure that’s probably true. On the other hand, I know a ton of people who drink too much, and they don’t threaten to burn down ex-girlfriend’s houses. Fine, I know maybe one guy who did that, but still. They say he needs to go to rehab, but I really have to wonder how much something like that would even help. He’d be better off if he spent every waking moment trying to build a time machine. Once it’s completed, he could travel back to Germany in around 1940 or so. He’d still be a jackass, but at least he’d have plenty Geez Louise, Mel Gibson is apparently of people around him who felt the same way. not just acting crazy like he did in Mel may be a dick, but he’s a free those wonderful Lethal Weapon movies man, which is better than Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay may be the most — he’s actually just crazy now. It’s too exceptional icon in the world. She’s an actress, yet I don’t think I’ve ever much for me to handle. seen a movie she has been in. The appears that our celebrities are suddenly getting fact that a guy like me even knows what she into a lot of trouble, and I’m not even sure what looks like is kind of a nice trick for her to pull off. we can do to help them. It’s an even bigger trick that I know very little Geez Louise, Mel Gibson is apparently not just about her, yet I want bad things to happen to her acting crazy like he did in those wonderful Le- for some reason. thal Weapon movies — he’s actually just crazy She strikes me as sort of spoiled and full of hernow. Lindsay Lohan is rotting away in jail while self, which makes her jail sentence just the kind of her fine acting skills deteriorate even further. Zsa thing that gives me joy. She acts like she’s perseZsa Gabor is in critical condition. That’s just in cuted by the paparazzi one second, and the next the past freaking week. It’s too much for me to second she’s smiling away like they’re her best handle. Remember when celebrities and people friends. Back home we used to call that “crazy.” I on television were looked up to and they never let know who she is because of all that press coverus down? Don’t worry, the question is rhetorical. age. If it weren’t for that, she’d only be known as “that one chick that seems kind of cute, but also Of course that’s never been the case. Poor Mel Gibson. The tapes where he screams completely off the hinges and sort of nasty all and threatens his ex-girlfriend are slowly leaking at the same time. You know the one; she looks out and have ruined his career beyond repair. as if she smells like something you can’t quite I’m sure that pathetic bastard gets a really nice identify. You know, that girl. Anyway, she’s in jail fruit basket from Tiger Woods on a daily basis now. Weird.” though. If I were Tiger, I’d hold the biggest press In the meantime, Zsa Zsa Gabor is in bad shape conference the world has ever seen: “I was a in the hospital. She used to be in Green Acres, and dick to my wife and children. I cheated and lied I sort of liked that show. A long time ago, she was and I was not the person I pretended to be. On pulled over by the police and slapped a cop across the other hand, I was not Mel Gibson. I mean, the face. It was sort of a big deal back then, and holy Jesus, did you hear the stuff coming out of I think she spent a day or so in jail; now it just that guy’s mouth? If you want to mock and hate seems sort of quaint and cute in comparison. This somebody, I think he’s your man. I will quietly go incident neither helped nor hurt her career ... only back to playing golf and allow all you reporters because she didn’t really have one by then. If she your freedom to doggedly pursue his ass for a tried something like that now, she’d be a dubious little while.” superstar. Which would also be too bad.

buzz