Buzz Magazine: Oct. 6, 2011 by Buzz Magazine

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VOL9 NO38

OCTOBER 6, 2011

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IN THIS ISSUE Local improv troupe explains method

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ON THE217.COM COMMUNITY Pulling off a hair turban is risky, but Emma explains how to rock even the most eccentric headwear in this week’s fashion column, online this week!

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT What’s cooler than fire breathing? Trying to break the world record for fire breathing. Check out Corrine’s discussion with famed fire breather Jace Hoppes, also known as David der Geist, as he attempts to beat the fire breathing record. MUSIC Do you change the channel or turn it up? Go to the next track or press repeat? Go online this week to see why one writer puts Lady Gaga’s Born This Way into the Records We Dissed column.

MOVIES & TV Check out extended interviews online! Can’t fit it all in print!

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Karen’s October liquor of choice is vodka! Read “Bottoms Up!” to get information, tips and yummy recipes about all things vodka for the next month. 2

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Your guide to this week’s events in CU

EDITOR’S NOTE DYLAN SUTCLIFF

It’s been about three months since my last haircut, and I haven’t shaved in two or three weeks, so it should be no surprise that I look pretty hairy. I don’t really like having a beard simply because I’m uncomfortable with the idea. Most people are pretty gung-ho about facial hair, but as I’d prefer to be about half the age I am now, a beard is a constant reminder of my ever-failing attempts to beat aging. However, I’ve been very lazy in terms of physical upkeep in the past few weeks, and since my hair is already shaggy, I feel like there’s no harm in completing the look. The reason I’ve been without a haircut for so long is that for my entire life my grandma has been the one behind me with shears. I’ve never paid for a haircut, ever, and I’m not about to start now. In freshman year, I shaved my head, and since then, I’ve been unsure if I could trust anyone else. I have a pretty weird head. If left untouched for five minutes, a cowlick parts my hair directly in the middle. Because of this, I’m constantly in mid-battle for the prevention of looking like a British schoolboy. When my head was shaved, the hair part didn’t go away. It got far worse. Because the hairs were about a millimeter long, it was stuck as two tufts pointed in opposite directions directly above my forehead. I also have some weird bumps that probably came from my dad dropping me at a Survivor concert when I was two. Yes, that is a true story. The reason I’m bringing this up is because this weekend I’m finally going back home to yet again challenge my grandma’s hair cutting skills. Without my shaggy head, there’s no real reason to keep the beard, so I’m going to look like a stranger to most people for a few days. Once that happens, I’ll definitely update that little picture above because I’ll look pretty different what with my glasses being gone. Plus, I’m probably going to be Speed Racer for Halloween for the second year in a row, and as we all know, Speed Racer is a clean-shaven, handsome man-boy. By the way, my grandma also made my Speed Racer costume. My grandma is pretty awesome.

the217.com October 6 - 12, 2011

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Sean O’Connor Photo Editor

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naked bike ride by Thomas Thoren

buzz staff

On the evening of October 7, the heart of campus will host the Naked Bike Ride, a local version of a global protest. The event, hosted by Amnesty International, is scheduled to begin with a rally on the Quad at 5:30 p.m. that will raise awareness for women’s health and sexual rights, gas dependency and a healthy body image. Afterward, you can donate the very clothes off your back to a local shelter and go for a bike ride in any state of undress. Yes, even full nudity. But wait, how can that be legal? According to Lieutenant Roy Acree of the University Police, nudity is allowed when it is for a cause, as long as there aren’t any complaints. This means you can feel free to go the full monty, but should be prepared to cover yourself if necessary. This aspect may seem to be the event’s focal point, but this isn’t so, said Chrissy Ruiz, an organizer and proponent of the bike ride. “It’s important to realize the nudity isn’t the point,” Ruiz said. “It’s about the support ... to get excited and talk about the issues.” There will also be an outfit contest and attendees are encouraged to travel the route even if they don’t own a bike. Ruiz is excited about the level of interest and has tentative hopes of making this an annual event.

Cover Design Olivia La Faire Editor in Chief Dylan Sutcliff Managing Editor Peggy Fioretti Art Director Olivia La Faire Copy Chief Drew Hatcher Photography Editor Sean O’Connor Image Editor Peggy Fioretti Photographers Sean O’Connor, Naveen Raja, Lauren Leonatti,

Chrissy ruiz, Zach Dazell

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Designers Lucas Albrecht, Tyler Schmidt Music Editor Adam Barnett Food & Drink Editor Samantha Bakall Movies & tv Editor Nick Martin Arts & entertainment Editor Joe Lewis Community Editor Amy Harwath CU Calendar Tracey Woodland Copy Editors Casey McCoy, Sarah Jo Alo online Editor Emily Siner Distribution Brandi and Steve Wills EDITORIAL ADVISER Marissa Monson Publisher Lil Levant On the Web www.the217.com Email buzz@readbuzz.com Write 512 E. Green St., Champaign, IL 61820 CALL 217.337.3801

We reserve the right to edit submissions. buzz will not publish a letter without the verbal consent of the writer prior to publication date. buzz Magazine is a student-run publication of Illini Media Company and does not necessarily represent, in whole or in part, the views of the University of Illinois administration, faculty or students.

» When people fall off their longboard: I may catch some flak for this one because I myself occasionally longboard, but let’s be real; that shit is fucking hilarious. Slapstick physical comedy arising from incidents, accidents and mishaps is and has been funny for centuries (why do you think America’s Funniest Home Videos has been renewed for it’s astounding 22nd season, which premiered last Monday and rocked my world?) Shit, Moe and Larry beat Curly into a stroke back in the ol’ Vaudeville days, all in the name of comedy! But the point is, when we as a collective people see a longboarding desperado cruising across the quad, we incessantly hope their dumb fucking wheel gets caught in a pebble and they land on their stupid face. Because it’s funny. Sorry, longboard community. We’re a bunch of assholes. » Sundays on South Quad in autumn: Guess what season it is — fucking fall. There’s a nip in the air, and my house is full of mutant squash. But the best part of this freaky-assed harvest is the ol’ chums who play Cricket, “The Gentleman’s Game,” on South Quad. They don’t go out for one or two games — THEY PLAY ALL FUCKING DAY. Seriously, it’s some junior high schoolyard shit. The best part of watching them play is not knowing what to expect. What I mean by that is... I don’t know anything about Cricket. I have a better grasp of Quidditch than I do of Cricket. Yet I say, bowl on my batsmen and wicker-keepers! Your sport is to my utmost enjoyment in passing-by.

DREW HATCHER COPY CHIEF

GRIPES

» Grandparents not laughing at my jokes: My grandparents came for a visit last weekend. I don’t see them very often, so there was that initial awkwardness where we were reconnecting. And then there was the prolonged awkwardness where none of my jokes were well-received for the entire visit. They heard me, but they just kept giving me these sad glances. Come on, Gramps and Gramma! I’m giving you gold! Don’t pretend you’ve never had a hangover or promiscuous sex before! My grandparents don’t like me. » Breaking Bad season finale: Every Sunday night for the past few months, my friends and I have huddled in front of the television at 9 o’clock for a steamy Break and Bake (lol cookies, amirite?). The show is of such amazing quality that it is literally the highlight of my week. This Sunday marks the season finale. I will miss you so, so much. Also, I’d like to point out that AMC is the greatest network on television, bar none. Fuck premium cable.

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Improv Comedy Group Spicy Clamato Brings the Laughs

by Imani Brooks

mprovisational comedy group Spicy Clamato performs at Courtyard Café every Mon. at 7 p.m., using short-form improv games and audience involvement to provide an entertaining show. Improv-comedy group deBono follows the houract, and together, the two groups form the Monday Night Comedy shows held at the Illini Union. The group’s name, although holding no actual meaning towards the group, expresses the spirit of improvisation as it was chosen at random. “The name ‘Spicy Clamato’ was made by putting adjectives in a hat and words in another hat, and ‘Spicy Clamato’ was picked out,” said Marybeth Kram, senior and group president. The nine-member improv team formed in 1992 and holds annual auditions to add newcomers in early September. This year, the group recruited Paul Finn, Nick Martin and Ryan Wenzel. The group chooses its members based on stage presence and ability to perform improv comedy. “A lot of people ask, ‘How do you rehearse improv?’ —you improv,” Kram said. “You improv all the time, and you get better at it.” In order to deal with stage fright, the group focuses on the relationships on stage rather than

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concentrating on the jokes themselves, said Kram. “We’re not about punch lines. We’re about making funny happen,” Kram said. Sophomore member Robel Arega also said that focusing on the stage should come naturally. “You’re not thinking, but you’re thinking so hard,” Arega said. The group also practices many improvisation games and uses these games during Monday’s show. These games were created among the Improv community and are performed amongst short-form improv teams, which focus on more gimmicky and fun skits rather than long-form improv monologues. Games like the three-scene skit had the audience roaring while the comedy group acted out three different scenarios, which all occurred at once. The scenes involved zombie invasions, curdled milk fungus creatures and a hapless doctor tending to a shrapnel victim at a military hospital. This created a clapping in of random words and phrases such as “ouch” and “do you like that?” The group also makes up games such as create-a-game, a game where the audience thinks of the game title, and the group then acts upon it. One show included “Don’t Touch Me There.”

Spicy Climato improv troupe performing at the Courtyard Cafe on October 3rd, 2011. Photo by Lauren Leonatti.

The fast-paced game had actors tag in on stage by holding on to one another with the scenes changing as another person was added on stage. The act went from slaying a three-

headed dragon to an episode of “The Price Is Right” to a wave crashing down on two surfers. Spicy Clamato will play at the Courtyard Café every Monday night.

the217.com October 6 - 12, 2011

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Everything Is Not Gonna Go Your Way Hip-Hop Icon Common Comes to UIUC by Sam Krabbe

ommon, rapper and motivational speaker, appeared at a free lecture and book signing held at Foellinger Auditorium Wednesday, Sept. 21. The event was sponsored by the Illini Union Board, SORF & W.O.R.D. (Writers Organizing Realistic Dialect) as part of a book tour promoting his new autobiography, One Day It’ll All Make Sense. Doors opened at 6 p.m. to fans that started congregating outside Foellinger hours earlier. A group of W.O.R.D. members kicked off the event with a spoken word performance based on their personal interpretations of the memoir’s title before the man of the hour finally graced the stage. Common began with a freestyle about his arrival in Champaign that day and gave an obligatory shout out to his fellow Chicago natives before introducing the topic of his lecture: greatness. In the seventh grade, Common first learned the story of Emmett Till being beaten to death in the 1950s when he was only 14 years old for whistling at a white woman. Common was in disbelief at how hateful the beating was and felt a connection to Emmett Till as he too was an African-American youth from Chicago. During the same time, Common worked as a ball boy for the Chicago Bulls. He recalled feeling haunted by the horrific story and afraid that the spirit of Emmett Till was chasing him as he pushed team equipment down the tunnel under the stadium. One day, he confronted the spirit and discovered inspiration instead of fear. He realized he was destined for greatness and has something inside of him that he needs to share with the world. But he was still uncertain what he wanted to do with his life, like many of us are. Then he found hip-hop. He worked hard to bring a positive message to his music and quickly became a hip-hop icon. However, he still faced obstacles even when he saw success. “You gotta find your path, believe in your path, and live it,” Common told the audience. “I had

penny

found my path: hip-hop. I had found my voice: art. But I didn’t believe.” It wasn’t until he had his heart broken by R&B artist Erykah Badu that he truly realized how to believe in himself. He found a new level of confidence coming out of the relationship and learned never to doubt his greatness. Around the same time, he was working on an album with Kanye West, an artist he admires for never being afraid to let people know what he believes. “Belief is contagious,” he said. “Kanye let it shine, man. I watched that, I observed and I kept building on my own belief.” A couple years later, he was nominated for five Grammy Awards. He went home without a single win. “Everything is not gonna go your way,” he told an audience of students hanging on his every word. “You will be faced with challenges, no matter how much you believe. Challenges will come in different forms.” Common’s message was a positive and realistic one: find what you love, do what you love, but don’t think you won’t have to work hard at it. “As an artist, you need to hear that,” said Kate Manoucheka Airey, a junior in Communications from Chicago and member of W.O.R.D. “We can learn from him and get encouragement and inspiration. It’s amazing to see someone from where you’re from make it.” Common has now successfully broken into film, appearing alongside big names like Steve Carrell, Ben Affleck, Angelina Jolie, Queen Latifah and Denzel Washington. His next film, The Odd Life of Timothy Green, will be released in 2012. His book, One Day It’ll All Make Sense, came out this year and is now a New York Times best seller. Maya Angelou calls it “a magnificent memoir.” Common’s album The Dream, The Believer is rumored to drop November 22. One song off the album, “Ghetto Dreams” featuring Nas, is now available for download on iTunes.

Used with permission from Common

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buzz watches horror movies that challenge traditional gender dynamics! by Movies and TV Staff

eminists love talking about horror movies. Some of the angry ladies condemn horror for violent misogyny and sex-negative rhetoric; others, like Laura Mulvey, analyze the genre (specifically, slasher films) to see the way a movie camera objectifies and sensualizes women. Who would have thought some of the 20th century’s most intriguing gender critiques were inspired by boogie men stabbing teen girls with phallic chainsaws! buzz is fascinated by two things: 1) contemporary discourses of gender identity and 2) scary monsters popping out of the dark to say, “Boo!” We combined those two interests in hopes of profiling some of the best examples of horror movies critiquing normative gender — enjoy it! ROSEMARY’S BABY! Roman Polanski (1968) As if pregnancy wasn’t scary and creepy enough, Roman Polanski takes things to a terrifying level in his 1968 film. Mia Farrow and John Cassavetes play Rosemary and Guy Woodhouse, a young married couple that move in next door to the eccentric and suspiciously nosy Castevets. Guy becomes friendly with the new neighbors, Rosemary mysteriously becomes pregnant, and things quickly start to get weird. Sure, pregnant women getBUZZ cravings. But instead of gorging on ice THURSDAY OCTOBER 6

tion of pregnancy and the occult still remains quasi-plausible. Polanski’s script (adapted from a bestselling novel) is convincing, suspenseful and disturbing, and the lack of gore or violence makes the macabre storyline all the more believable. Farrow plays Rosemary with sincere and compelling precision that makes her character come off as someone you know, and you’re desperate to figure out what’s going on so you can save her. -- Tracy Woodley CARRIE! Brian DePalma (1976) The supernatural horror film Carrie can be summarized by three main, horrifying elements: • Sissy Spacek: There’s something about her wideeyed, preternaturally adolescent face that’s kind of off-putting. Spacek is quite convincing as Carrie White, a shy high school outcast who suffers endless emotional abuse from her radically religious mother. Watching her sad, frail character get taunted by teenage bullies is extra cringe-worthy. • Menstruation: We all know it happens, and it can definitely be a scary experience for young

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Used with permission from William Castle Productions

cream and Snickers bars, Rosemary starts to hunger for raw meat and chicken liver. Farrow’s cute, perky character, sporting the quintessential 60s Vidal Sassoon haircut, grows suspicious of her husband (whose once-struggling acting career is suddenly on the rise) and his relationship with the neighbors (who keep bringing her bizarre concoctions of “the devil’s root,” which they claim is good for the baby). By the time Rosemary realizes what is happening to (and inside of) her, she has limited chances of escape. A horror classic, Rosemary’s Baby is eerie because its absurd combina-

girls. The experience is even worse for Carrie, who gets her first period in the gym class showers. Because of her sheltered upbringing, she doesn’t understand what is happening to her and starts to panic. The evil high school girls start chanting and teasing her, but little do they know that Carrie’s newfound womanhood also brings with it some strange new powers… • High school: We’ve all been there, and it’s terrible. Especially for someone as ostracized as Carrie, who faces each day friendless and alone. Prom night proves to be super trauma-

Used with permission from Redbank Films

tizing, since Carrie faces ridicule in front of the entire school. A few of the class bullies decide to play another cruel prank on Carrie, but the joke’s on them. This time, Carrie will get her revenge. Carrie is a great movie because it takes a familiar storyline and setting and adds a unique, refreshing, chilling twist. Seeing Spacek’s innocent and doeeyed Carrie exact brutal vengeance on her assailants is satisfying, albeit a bit creepy. -- Tracy Woodley DEAD RINGERS! David Cronenberg (1988) Identical twin gynecologists share more than just a medical practice in Dead Ringers. Claire Niveau (Genevieve Bujold) thinks that she is making a connection with Beverly Mantle, but in a disturbing twist, she discovers that she is actually involved with both Beverly and Elliott Mantle. The Mantle brothers’ obsessive and codependent relationship feeds into their need to share experiences that most people would consider intimate. The brothers, played by Jeremy Irons, take a clinical approach to sex and relationships with women. At one point, Claire unknowingly compliments Beverly on Elliott’s sexual prowess, and he responds, saying, “I learned it in a book.” Even their initial interest in Claire stems from the fact that she has a trifurcate uterus (this means three cervixes and three different compartments in her uterus). Her rare condition leaves her unable to reproduce, and throughout the film, her body is coded as useless and abnormal. This is especially obvious when Beverly, due to drug use, begins to lose touch with reality and labels his patients “mutant women.” Claire herself says that she is not a “real woman” because she is unable to ever give birth to a child. Dead Ringers comments on the distorted (we get almost a visual interpretation when we see the creepy gynecological instruments that Beverly designs to use on “mutant women”) views of women’s bodies. -- Joyce Famakinwa

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GINGER SNAPS! John Fawcett (2000) In a genre where teenage girls are usually reduced to shrieky scream queens, the Canadian indie Ginger Snaps presents a horrific look into the inner world of teenagers. The film is a tale of two sisters, Brigitte and Ginger, who are despised by their peers and misunderstood by their parents. Even the pair’s failure to have their first period yet is an example of their refusal to adhere to social norms. Cocooned inside of their tomb-like basement/bedroom, the pair exists in a kind of Neverland solely containing the two of them. This is where they reaffirm their childhood suicide pact. The pair’s bond is irreparably shattered when Ginger is attacked by a werewolf and begins a violent and bloody exploration of her own sexuality. Ginger Snaps is an exploration of puberty, adolescence and the cruelties of teenagers through the metaphor of lycanthropy. It presents an interesting spin on the usual role of girls in horror films by giving girls a complete roundedness and agency throughout. Even the stereotypical mean girl is given a sense of humanity that wouldn’t be present in a lesser film. Girls are the antagonists and protagonists of the film. Relationships between women are the main focus. Men in the film exist as confused spectators on the outside of the social world of teenage girls. Through Ginger’s exploration of her sexuality, the film provides a bleak commentary on high school sexual dynamics. Ginger Snaps turns lycanthropy into a feminist commentary about teenage society. -- Jamila Tyler

OCTOBER 6 - 12, 2011

you make a toothed woman uncomfortable, you will pay for it. I’d advise you to keep all of your arms, legs and otherwise inside your personal bubble at all times unless otherwise directed. If you’re not careful, you might lose one of ‘em. -- Kaitlin Penn ANTICHRIST! Lars Von Trier (2009) Albeit not technically a horror movie, Antichrist will probably make you throw up. The film centers around what happens when the act of sex becomes paired with the memory of the death of an infant child. Two parents (a very serious Willem Dafoe and an unsettling Charlotte Gainsbourg) cope with the death of their son, and after they go into the woods, things start getting gory, metaphorical and weird. This film is dark: their toddler accidentally killed himself by walking out an open window while the couple were having sex (like Eric Clapton’s baby). How does this link between sex and loss affect us, and what conclusions can we inevitably draw? Sex brings us children, but what if it can also cause us to lose them as well? Without ruining some of the film’s more dramatic (and vomit-inducing) moments, this film questions ideas of impurity, modern psychology and the human body, inevitably leading to the characters’ self-mutilation and abuse. Like all the films surveyed, the answers to these questions may be disturbing and grotesque, but the questions themselves are truly thought-provoking. -- Adam Dreyfus

Used with permission from Roadside Attractions

TEETH! Mitchell Lichtenstein (2007) Teeth cuts the crap about vagina dentata. Centered around the chaste teenage girl, Dawn, we chronicle her descent into, quite literally, becoming a man eater. Throughout the film, we see Dawn’s life start out pure and virginal, but just as quickly see it nosedive into one tragedy after the next. Think of puberty, but with true angst and some mutations thrown in, too. Symbolic of more than just some genital-gore, the concept of a toothed vagina serves as almost a guard against unwanted things entering it. It all comes down to the same thing: you reap what you sow.

Going back to ancient times, the tale’s main idea was usually used as a “cautionary tale” to ward off any unwanted visitors down low, the tusked womanly abyss serving specifically as a metaphor of anti-rape. Just as Dawn starts out saying, a woman’s body is a sacred thing, and anyone about to enter it should treat it as such and do so with the consent of its owner. Basically, we see how Dawn learns more about her own body through every scumbag that tries to trespass into it and the outcome that follows. Don’t write it off as completely misogynistic yet, but take it seriously in that if

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Food

Drink

Here’s the skinni

New yogurt shop in Urbana offers healthy, feel-good flavors

by Jordan Ramos

mere one month old and still smelling new, Skinni Girl Yogurt is the latest business to grace Urbana with its charm. Amanda Yates, Skinni Girl Yogurt’s sole owner, is excited to offer a healthy alternative to ice cream by presenting a wide variety of frozen yogurts that come in non-fat, low-fat, lactose-free and no added sugar. “I’m obsessed with frozen yogurt,” Yates said with a laugh. “And I wanted to help build businesses in Urbana. I just want to help Urbana.” Located in the Gateway Shoppes at Five Points in Urbana, Skinni Girl Yogurt offers 12 flavors at a time, with over 110 flavors being rotated in and out weekly. With the 12 flavors being paired off, this frozen yogurt shop gives the ability to “twist” two carefully chosen flavors together, something not found in the other frozen yogurt places on campus. Skinni Girl Yogurt’s frozen yogurt comes from a company in Portland, Oregon, called YoCream that prides itself on producing “fine yogurts for health-conscious consumers across America.” YoCream frozen yogurt is 100% all-natural and probiotic, making it a healthy choice for a sinfully delicious snack. Yates, who has had some serious health issues in the past, loves this frozen yogurt for that reason exactly.

“It tastes just like ice cream. So it’s good, except that it’s good for you, too,” Yates said. Also available to load on to your frozen yogurt are over 30 toppings, including an array of fresh fruits, multiple candy bar crumbles, various cereal selections, and cheesecake and cookie dough bites, among countless other choices that have all proven to be delicious on frozen yogurt. When I visited Skinni Girl Yogurt last week, I liked it immediately. The bright yellow back wall and baby blue chairs gave it a cheery and friendly atmosphere, and Yates was behind the counter offering a smile to everyone who walked in. The flavors that were available on my first visit were Maple Bacon Donut (Don’t let the name intimidate you; it’s very tasty!), Alpine Vanilla, New York Cheesecake, Pumpkin, Hershey’s Kisses Chocolate, Reese’s Peanut Butter, Snickerdoodle, Cake Batter, Blueberry, Watermelon, Peach Mango Tart and Original Tart. (Yates is also more than willing to give you a sample taste of any flavor.) After a wild internal debate between twisting Snickerdoodle and Cake Batter or Cheesecake and Pumpkin, I decided on the latter. I then headed over to the nicely stocked toppings bar and sprinkled some graham cracker crumbles and a generous amount of Butterfinger topping

Skinni Girl Yogurt, a new self-serve frozen yogurt shop in Urbana, serves twelve all-natural flavors daily. Photo by Chrissy Ruiz

on my frozen yogurt. I paid my 47 cents per ounce and indulged. If Autumn had a taste, this frozen yogurt twist would be it. I was thrilled with my first choice, and I agreed with Yates — it tastes far too good to be good for you. Lisa Richardson, who had stopped in for a treat while I was there, is a recent friend of Yates’s and speaks incredibly highly of her. “She is such a good owner and fits so well here. She was meant to do this,” Richardson said. Richardson has tried almost 10 of the frozen yogurt flavors now, with her favorite so far being Hawaiian Pineapple, sprinkling fresh strawberries on top to complete her ideal frozen yogurt combination. Skinni Girl Yogurt stands out from the other fro-

zen yogurt places in a couple more ways as well. First of all, an abundance of free parking is available right in front of the shop, giving you no time limit as to how long you would like to stay. Also, Yates offers pints-to-go for sale, in case you’d like to enjoy the delicious frozen yogurt at home later. Skinni Girl Yogurt also has a loyalty program set up in which frequent customers can earn points towards free frozen yogurt. Yates will be holding an official Grand Opening for Skinni Girl Yogurt on Oct. 9 at her shop where attendees can sample free frozen yogurt and have the opportunity to meet the friendly owner! For more information on Skinni Girl Yogurt, visit the website at www.skinnigirlyogurt.com.

New Grains Take a break from those empty carbs and try something new! by Annie Sun With the increase of health concerns, more and more restaurants have started to bring different types of grains to the market. There are the popularized options of whole grain varieties of bread and pasta. There’s the brown rice and quinoa in place of white rice. There are also the strange, yet fantastic chia seeds and nutty farro. Today, the problem is no longer about variety. The problem is about knowing what each type of grains could offer us for our health, and for our taste buds. Let’s start with brown rice. Brown rice is basically how our white rice could be without being milled or only partially milled. Doing so preserves most of the nutrients within the grains, saving about 67% of the vitamin B3, 80% of the vitamin B1, 90% of the vitamin B6, half of the manganese, half of the phosphorus, 60% of the iron, and all of the fiber and essential fatty acids. Some local restaurants, such as B-Won on Neil St., now have the nuttier brown rice as an option for customers. How could brown rice be prepared? The same as for cooking white rice, brown rice would first need to be washed a few times (3~5) in warm water. Then, since brown rice still retains its bran layer, each cup of it needs to be cooked with 8

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slightly more than 1.5 cups of water (about 1.75 cups of water) in medium to low heat for about 25 minutes. The germ that is usually removed for white rice is still there. Thus, cooked brown rice needs to be refrigerated sooner. Quinoa, when cooked, has a fluffy, crunchy, creamy, nutty flavor. It is highly rich in protein and magnesium. Despite its grainy look, quinoa is actually not a grain, but a close relative of leafy green vegetables. To prepare quinoa, the first step is to soak it for 15 minutes, then rinse for 2~3 minutes in a strainer (if not using pre-rinsed quinoa). Bring one cup of quinoa with 1.75 cups of water to a boil, reduce heat, cover and then simmer for 15 minutes. Chia seed is rich in omega-3 fatty acids. It could be eaten raw for its protein fats and fiber. It could also be ground up to put into breads and biscuits. Soaked chia seeds could also be made into puddings or porridges. The popular Chia Pet was invented in the U.S. because the edible chia sprouts, similar to alfalfa sprouts, are sometimes grown on porous clay materials. Ever heard of “Chia Fresca”? A popular drink in Mexico, Chia Fresca is made by simply combining 2 tsp. of chia seeds with 10oz. of water, juice of one

lemon or lime and raw honey to taste. Chia Fresca is a great try for raw food diet enthusiasts. Farro, or emmer wheat, is very popular in Europe, especially Italy. It is similar to brown rice when further processing is avoided. Whole grain farro is nutty and chewy like brown rice. Farro is also rich in fiber, protein, magnesium and vitamins. Used with permission from Justin and Elise Snow and the Creative Commons It is most commonly prepared in soup or bread when ground up. minutes. To cook it in a rice cooker, the farro to However, farro preparation takes longer water ratio is 1:3 for 45 minutes. Whether it is brown rice, quinoa, chia seeds than brown rice. First, it needs to be rinsed and picked to make sure there are no pebbles or bad or farro, starchy grains like these are great for grains. Then, it needs to be soaked for at least soaking up all the flavors of the additional in8 hours or overnight in the fridge. It needs to gredients, like vegetable broth or fish. So make be cooked with 2 to 2.5 cups of (salted) water your creation this weekend with any one of per cup of farro. Simmer with a lid for 20~40 these healthy and nutritious grains!

the217.com October 6 - 12, 2011

Bukkake!

Caramel apples An apple a day may bring the doctor sooner than later by Annalisa Rodriguez

s a child, few things could make me happier than learning from my mom or dad that we were going to a carnival or fair — not so much because of the rides like most kids. For me, the allure was the sweet treats I could find at any vendor: cotton candy, funnel cakes, ice cream cones and best of all, caramel apples. I would take bites of the chewy apples bigger than my hand until my nine-year-old stomach couldn’t take any more. The origin of caramel apples dates back to the 1950s when Dan Walker, a sales representative for Kraft Foods at the time, invented the treat. In the early 1960s, Vito Raimondi worked with his brothers and uncles making caramel apples by hand, a long and arduous process. His solution was to build the world’s first caramel apple machine. Raimondi patented his design, and companies use his equipment today to produce caramel apples in mass quantities. Caramel apples have often been known as a fall treat, so now is the time to try your hand at making your own caramel apples. While many stores sell kits to make caramel apples, there

are simple recipes online to make homemade caramel and caramel apples. You can also add different toppings — crushed peanuts, M&M’s, chocolate — whatever your sweet tooth desires.

(112 to 116 degrees C), or until a small amount of syrup dropped into cold water forms a soft ball that flattens when removed from the water and placed on a flat surface. 2. Combine vanilla and remaining creamer and stir, a little at a time, into caramel. For a soft caramel, remove from heat and pour into a buttered 8x8 inch dish. For a hard candy or caramel apple coating, continue cooking until mixture reaches hard ball stage, 250 to 265 degrees F (121 to 129 degrees C), or until a small amount of syrup dropped into cold water forms a rigid ball. 3. Once you’ve cooked the caramel, you’ll need wooden sticks and a cookie sheet covered with lightly greased aluminum foil. Stick the wooden sticks 3/4 of the way into the stem end of each apple. Dip each apple into the caramel, running the apples around the sides of the saucepan to scrape off some excess caramel. Place the apples on the aluminum foil and chill until ready to serve.

Caramel recipe Ingredients » 3 cups white sugar » 1 1/2 cups corn syrup » 1 pinch salt » 2 cups liquid non-dairy creamer » 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract Directions: 1. In a heavy bottomed saucepan, combine sugar, corn syrup, salt and 1 cup non-dairy creamer. Heat to between 234 and 240 degrees F

Used with permission from Alicia Pimental and the Creative Commons

Recipe from allrecipes.com

bring you

Frattle of the Bands III Wednesday, Oct. 12 @ 8PM

Come watch this weekʼs bands rock it out!!! Come out for $1.50 Bud U Call It, $5.00 Bud pitchers, $2.50 Bacardi drinks, $3.50 Blue guys

$1,000 GRAND PRIZE!!

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Homelessness in cu A glimpse into the challenges of being without a home by Jessica Bourque “Someone once told me I paid a high price to live a shitty life. Now that I’m sober, I realize what that really means.”

eet Angel Madrid: forty days clean, forty days homeless. A recovering heroin addict, Madrid is on a path to self-discovery. His journey brought him across five states, through eleven days of detox and to one realization: sometimes, finding yourself means losing everything else. “I’m homeless right now, and it’s by choice,” Madrid said. For Madrid, homelessness is a necessary measure, an integral part of purging his life and starting over. “I could make a call, maybe get an apartment, get something going, but I know that would lead me right back under somebody else’s flag ... It would just get the ball rolling so I could find money, find resources and eventually end up back where I was,” said Madrid, who currently lives at the TIMES Center, a shelter for men located in downtown Champaign, and has completed The Prairie Center’s detox and drug recovery program. “I wouldn’t trade the suffering, the pain, or the heartache I went through to get here,” Madrid said. “I may have nothing, but I do have peace of mind.” But that is only Madrid’s story — one of the many distinctive, individualized stories contributing to a larger homeless narrative being told in the Champaign-Urbana community. “You cannot generalize. It’s difficult to talk about this issue [homelessness] on a broad level because every person is different,” said Jason Greenly, supervisor at the TIMES Center. According to a Continuum of Care survey conducted this past January, there are 549 homeless people, 163 of whom are children, in Champaign County. “We have a truly wonderful community,” said Ellen McDowell, founder of Daily Bread Soup Kitchen in Champaign. “However, I think many people have the misconception that this is an affluent middle class community with very few needful people, very few homeless people. Well, guess what? They’re just hidden.” Daily Bread serves an average of 200 homeless people per day, five days a week, but it’s not the only resource in the community. The Eastern Illinois Foodbank lists 15 food pantries and emergency food boxes in Champaign-Urbana alone. McDowell stressed that pantries are more than just places to find a meal; they are places where people can make friends and network. Some pantries also provide services to help homeless individuals re-establish themselves and get back on their feet. Specifically, Daily Bread helps people obtain birth certificates and any other necessary records they may need to find employment. It also has a program that grants people bus passes, surprisingly vital tools. 10

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“In subzero weather, a warm bus could save your life,” McDowell said. Last year, Daily Bread was able to give away 200 bus passes. Many individuals may be forced to find alternative shelter, like buses or libraries, but options are scarce in the Champaign-Urbana area. “The issue that service providers and the city keep running into is when a family becomes homeless,” Greenly said. “It is very challenging, if not impossible, to house the whole family. A lot of service providers are funded by various things that ask them to serve specific populations — by gender, by age.” Shelters in Champaign-Urbana are segregated by both age and gender. The TIMES Center, for example, offers housing strictly for men. This leaves families facing homelessness with very few options. Greenly said families often take refuge in their cars, a very dangerous situation, to avoid being split into different shelters. Others may be forced into precarious living situations if they cannot pass the screening process administered at some shelters or if a shelter is at capacity. Most shelters, some with waitlists to get in, reach full capacity quite frequently, especially during the winter months. Finding housing is undoubtedly hard; however, finding a job and steady source of income is one of the most insurmountable hurdles for the homeless. “Most of the places I’ve been applying are only looking at college students, which is discrimination, I feel like. What makes a college kid any better than me? I’ve got a lifetime of experience,” said Wayne*, a homeless man who is actively looking for work. “I make sure and dress nice. Most places require all black, so I’ll wear my black pants and black shoes,” said Wayne, who noticeably keeps his hair cut and beard trimmed. Despite their best efforts, some homeless individuals are inevitably trapped in a cycle of poverty that can be incredibly difficult to break, especially in recent years. “In an economy where jobs are scarce and plenty of people are looking, if you’re an employer, you’ve got a lot of options, so someone who is already struggling will be that much harder up,” Greenly said. “Plus, this is a small town, and I know plenty of people who work at various places. They see

Local homeless man “Norman” converses with locals in exchange for money on Green Street. Photo by Naveen Raja

70 East Washington St. [location of the TIMES Center] as an address? Crumple. Chuck.” For some homeless people, the frustrating combination of the lack of a steady income and the need for basic necessities is what propels them into panhandling — a practice that isn’t always warmly received by passersby. When approached by a panhandler, some avert their eyes; others may fumble for a dollar, but is there truly a right way to react to panhandlers? “Make an individual decision ... It’s a complex issue,” Greenly said. “You have do what you feel is appropriate. Just recognize that if you give, you are fulfilling a need. Whether or not it’s a need you’re philosophically OK with — well, you’re not in any position to confirm that.” Danielle Chynoweth, former Urbana City Council member and current member of the activist group CU Citizens for Peace and Justice, said she has found that creative acts of kindness offer a good solution. “I used to take cassette tape covers and make little collages on them. Then I would fill it with a two dollar bill, if I felt like it, a piece of chocolate, and a little poem. When people would panhandle me, I would keep a couple in my pocket and hand them out as presents and say, ‘I’m so happy you asked. I have something for you!’” Chynaweth said, adding that little gifts are a great way to “acknowledge a person’s humanity” and to avoid an awkward confrontation. Panhandling, however, is not always legal. Not only do most shelters have rules against their residents panhandling — their mindset being that a resident is provided for, so they have no need to panhandle — but there are also city ordinances that outlaw aggressive panhandling. The city of Urbana

just adopted a law that prohibits panhandling near banks or ATMs, panhandling in groups of two or more and aggressive panhandling. While these ordinances are put in place as a safety measure, they can also make homelessness less visible. “It’s very easy for people to go through their day and not be impacted by homelessness. You just don’t see that much,” Greenly said. Most shelters in Champaign-Urbana are located in areas of slower traffic, and according to Greenly, this is another factor feeding the ‘out-ofsight, out-of-mind’ approach to homelessness. “There’s also an emotional aspect. It’s very difficult to think about homelessness,” Greenly said. “One, there is this concept of how easily that could be you. Many people are about two paychecks away from it. Another is that it is a very overwhelming problem for a lot of people to think about.” It may be overwhelming and invisible, but ignorable it cannot be. These are people, after all — human beings with individual identities, senses of humor and stories to tell. Spending a morning at a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter can make that much clear. “I think there is so much unrealized potential in these people. We see that. There’s love here, humor here and a self-acceptance that blows my mind,” McDowell said of the Daily Bread. Angel Madrid is a part of this population, working to harness some of his unrealized potential. “I will not be homeless forever. I hope that in six months I will be on the right track,” Madrid said. “Persistence, that’s the key.” *The last name is not included to protect this person’s identity.

the217.com October 6 - 12, 2011

Its so awesome to be me. You have no idea.

One on One

with scott Thompson diehard ilini fan

by Thomas Thoren

ust across First Street, from Memorial Stadium, lies the gathering place for diehard Illini fans and tailgaters on Saturdays throughout the fall. Perhaps the easiest to spot are the owners of The Chief Bus, a former yellow school bus turned into an orange and blue all-in-one tailgating experience. One early afternoon, Scott Thompson (Computer Science, ‘84), with the assistance of his father, Don Thompson, and cousin, Mike Thompson, took the time to chat with buzz — while maintaining his grilling duties — about his history as an Illini fan, the story behind The Chief Bus and his thoughts on Chief Illiniwek. »buzz: How long have you been tailgating? Scott Thompson: My dad has had tickets since I was about 5 years old. We’ve been coming to games for about 45 years. We’ve had the bus since 2007. This is our fifth year. »buzz: Do you travel with the bus to away games? ST: We try to go to one game every year. This year, we’re going to Indiana. We’re going to try to hit all the Big Ten sites, eventually. That’s our goal. Before the bus dies — or we do. »buzz: What do you do for an average tailgate? ST: We’ve had DJs, we’ve had bands. Just hundreds of people cooking out, laughter and fun. We usually have a main menu item. We did a Mexican theme last week. My cousin’s got a tequila ball, a five-gallon ball we filled up with tequila — a few times. Since we got the bus, we’ve expanded our group. We’ve got 36 horseshoe season tickets and 10 sideline tickets. We’ve probably got 62 people that are here every week, up to 100. »buzz: Are they primarily friends and family? ST: Yeah, a lot of them are friends of mine from work and then friends of theirs. We got the gamut from 18 to 74 [years old]. There are a few kids. »buzz: How much time and money have you put into the bus? ST: The bus itself wasn’t too expensive. We bought it for $3,500, plus tax was just under

From left to right: Scott Thompson, Don Thompson, Mike Thompson. Photo by Thomas Thoren

$4,000. Over the course of the four years, we’ve probably dumped another $8,000 in maintenance. »buzz: What is the one thing you’ve done that best shows your loyalty to the Illini? ST: We’re here every week with the bus. There have been a lot of bad teams in 45 years, but we’ve been buying season tickets and coming every year.

I guess that’s our loyalty. We bought and decked out this bus and put a lot of time and effort into it. A lot of people stop by and really love the thing, so it’s kind of cool to see people’s reaction. »buzz: I was specifically told to look for the “blue bus.” ST: The Chief Bus. It’s not the big blue bus. It’s The

Chief Bus [laughs]. That’s the name on the front of it. That’s our most unproud moment, the lack of guts of the University administration to defend Chief Illiniwek. That’s complete bullshit. There’s nothing disrespectful or derogatory or anything that the naysayers say. That is infuriating. I try and look past that.

Friday, October 7th Back in Champaign by Popular Demand —

2010

THE WHISTLE PIGS! with Special Guest

CARRIE NATION & THE SPEAKEASY! BEST PLACE TO BUY SHOES

HEEL-TO-TOE

Saturday, October 8th 55 E. Main St. Champaign, IL Real Country Boys Playing Real Country Music — memphisonmain.com

TRIPLE OT BUCK!

$3 32 oz. “LOOSE TAP” Beer

$7 32 oz. U-Call It Wells

$4 Jager Barrels buzz

2011(ocT6)-Half pg vErT-buzz

THIS WEEK KR ANNERT CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS

Low Cal Music (Now with 74% less fat!)

TH OCT 6

5pm

Krannert Uncorked with Resonation Station, traditional and pop // Marquee

7:30pm

Hoodoo Love

by Adam Barnett

// Depar tment of Theatre

Who: Pree, Isaac Arms, Tva Berg Where: Mike ‘N Molly’s When: 9:30 p.m. on Thursday, Oct. 6

FR OCT 7

7:30pm

Hoodoo Love

7:30pm

Jonathan Keeble, flute

// Depar tment of Theatre

Besides showcasing Isaac Arms (Withershins, Evil Tents), who the Facebook event correctly identifies as “the hardest workin’ musician in CU,” this show also features the calm, more ambient styles of Tva Berg, a collaboration between Aron Stromberg and Jon Isberg of Evil Tents and Reds. Outside the local scene, DC indie-folk poppers Pree are coming out in support of their upcoming record, Folly; I’ve recently taken an obsession with their vocals.

// School of Music

SA OCT 8

7:30pm

Hoodoo Love

// Depar tment of Theatre

MO OCT 10

7:30pm

Ian Hobson Presents the Complete Solo Piano Works of Robert Schumann: Carnival Jests, Smith Memorial Hall, 805 S. Mathews, Urbana // School of Music

WE OCT 12

7:30pm

Hoodoo Love

7:30pm

UI Harding Symphonic Band and UI Hindsley Symphonic Band // School of Music

// Depar tment of Theatre

TH OCT 13

5pm

Krannert Uncorked

7:30pm

Cabaret

7:30pm

Hoodoo Love

7:30pm

UI University Band and UI Campus Band

// Marquee

// Depar tment of Theatre // Depar tment of Theatre

Withershins performs at Mike N Molly's during Pygmalion on September 24, 2011. Photo by Zach Dalzell.

Who: Hugh John Noble, Mall Mutants, Ryan McCoy Where: Transporter Room 3 When: 7:30 p.m. on Thursday, Oct. 6 As the number of house venues tanked around the onset of summer, it’s good that there are a few house shows still around and kickin’. Hugh John Noble is a traveling singer-songwriter out of England with a strange but oddly captivating deep voice. Ryan McCoy comes from the world of Midstress and brings some of those songs to an up-close-and-acoustic setting. And if noise-folk, natural samples and a whole lot of abstract music sounds like it’ll be to your liking, Mall Mutants is also making an appearance. It’s free, but donations for the touring acts are accepted. https://www.facebook.com/event. php?eid=255582737805522

Used with permission from John Noble

// School of Music

Who: New Ruins, Alpha Mile, Psychic Twin Where: Cowboy Monkey When: 9:00 p.m. on Saturday, Oct. 8 We told you to go before, and we’re doing it again. New Ruins released an LP on Earth Analog Recordings produced by Brian Deck (Modest Mouse, Iron and Wine, Fruit Bats), and they’re hosting the release show supported by psychedelic-electro pop duo Psychic Twin and Alpha Mile.

C A L L 3 3 3 . 6 2 8 0 • 1. 8 0 0 . K C P A T I X

Corporate Power Train Team Engine

Used with permission from New Ruins

Marquee performances are supported in part by the Illinois Arts Council— a state agency which recognizes Krannert Center in its Partners in Excellence Program.

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40 North and Krannert Center —working together to put Champaign County’s culture on the map.

MUSIC

october 6 - 12, 2011

rock ‘n roll girlfriend

the217.com

Wild Flag plays The Highdive

by Dylan Sutcliff omprised of Mary Timony (Helium), Carrie Brownstein (Sleater-Kinney), Rebecca Cole (The Minders) and Janet Weiss (Sleater-Kinney, Quasi), Wild Flag is easily one of the most appropriate bands to be under the descriptor ‘super group.’ The band’s first, self-titled album was released in September of this year. You can see their high-energy, punchy live show at The Highdive on October 7. Wild Flag was formed in 2010 in a collaborative effort between Brownstein, Weiss and Cole. “Carrie hadn’t been playing music for a while,” said Timony (guitar/vocals). “She was approached by this filmmaker who was making a documentary called Women, Art and Revolution, and the woman wanted Carrie to record a soundtrack for it. “They had a really great time playing music together and decided that they wanted to try to make it into a band and write rock songs. Then they wanted another guitar player, so they called me up.” This isn’t the first time that the women of Wild Flag have worked together. For a short time in the late 90s, Brownstein and Timony formed a group called The Spells. Cole and Weiss also previously performed together in The Shadow Mortons.

With this in consideration, it seems almost impossible for Wild Flag not to happen; however, the band was wary at first. Timony was a full-time music teacher in Washington DC, and although Brownstein, Cole and Weiss lived in Portland, OR, each was busy with different projects. Cole and Weiss were each in a few bands, and Brownstein was working on her IFC series Portlandia. “We just really took it slow at first,” Timony said. “We wanted to see if it was working, and we didn’t want to have huge goals if we didn’t feel like it was going to work out. We took one step at a time.” However, when things started moving for Wild Flag, they started moving fast. After a short but successful tour of the West Coast, the band was in a great place as they worked out songs live. “We decided that rather than recording a bunch of songs, and putting out a record and then touring, it would be much better to develop on the road,” Timony said. “All the songs are written collaboratively and changed [on tour.] We just kind of took note of how they worked live, changed stuff around and then we wrote stuff after the tours.” After a tour of the East Coast where the band wrote more songs and solidified others, Wild

Flag went to Sacramento to record their album in April. “We really did it almost all live,” Timony said, “just like how we would do one of our shows. There were almost no overdubs, so it was just all, you know, live.” Released a mere six months later, Wild Flag’s self-titled LP is a ride through 60 years of rock ‘n roll. The album shows influences from early psychedelic, 80s garage rock and remnants of each member’s previous bands. “A large part of why the record sounds that way is the way it was recorded,” said Timony. “We recorded it all on tape in a crazy big room with some room mics that were placed in interesting places. It’s basically all analog, no overdub. That’s why it sounds that way. The keyboards are organ and piano instead of synth, so it sounds 60s in that way.” During the summer, Wild Flag played a packed and energetic headlining show at Wicker Park Festival. The band flew through their songs and

Used with permission from Wild Flag

a couple covers, bombarding the crowded street with heavy guitars and energetic solos. “We kind of set up [the band] with the intention of, ‘let’s write some music that we like to listen to and that we think will be fun music to listen to’ — or maybe it just comes out of the four of us playing together.”

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Wildflag, Yellow Fever The Highdive Friday, Oct. 7 @ 7:30 p.m. (Doors @ 7:00) Cost: $15 in advance; $18 at the door Ages: 19+

Rubblebucket “came out of a lady” and now they’re coming to the Canopy Club by Evan Lyman

Photo(s) by Peter Dean Rickards. Photoshopped together by Kalmia. Used with permission from Rubblebucket

Much of the group’s catalog, such as “Silly Fathers” and fellow single “Came Out of a Lady,” use motifs about family, childhood and finding someone around whom you can just be yourself. It’s obvious these themes stem from the close relationship of Toth and vocalist/saxophonist Kalmia Traver. “Kalmia and I write most of the music. We’re the primary songwriters,” Toth said. “We demo it out on our computers, and it’s pretty seamless. I’ll be singing something and playing something

on the piano, and she’ll start harmonizing and adding to it while she’s in the other room … Then we bring stuff to rehearsal, and the band kind of fleshes out their own parts. Then we kind of let things grow a little bit. We bring, kind of, babies into rehearsal, and then we let them mature.” There he goes again with the whole “growing up” theme. In many ways, the band’s lyrics, sound and general outlook on life seem to come from never

losing their innocence. They look at the world with an almost impossible amount of wide-eyed optimism and imagination. “I wanted a medium for us to get the wildest ideas of our imagination out,” Toth said. “To have that medium, but to simultaneously rock out with big hooks and do it to as far reaching as possible and have the highest amount of artistic integrity as possible.” The band finds a way to make incredibly catchy, melodic tracks without sacrificing an ounce of creativity or sonic density. “I never think in terms of genre when I’m writing,” Toth said. “I was definitely interested in polyrhythm, like African music, and have gotten a lot more into pop. That’s how we have sort of changed. It kind of lends itself well to the stuff that’s happening now, the kind of art rock that’s coming out right now.” Tickets are $10, and the show will also feature openers Stepdad.

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I never knew what a Rubblebucket was, and then I heard Omega La La, the 8 piece indie-dance-popyes-wave-whateveryouwannacallit outfit’s newest full-length, released June 21, 2011. On October 13, Rubblebucket will ride that crazy train to the Canopy Club to give the Champaign-Urbana scene a chance to cut loose with these intellectual party animals. “There’s a lot of energy, enthusiasm and sincere audience and musical connection,” explained Alex Toth, the group’s trumpeter and band leader, as he described Rubblebucket’s live show. That enthusiasm and energy works well in the festival context, which Rubblebucket has hit extensively. They played shows at The Dave Matthews Band Caravan, Electric Forest, and North Coast over the past summer. “Our music bodes well with that scene,” Toth said. “It’s definitely a good way to build. It’s basically like being at a big party, including the backstage scene. There’s a lot of great bands. You’re around all your peers.” But Rubblebucket’s music is more than just a strobe light for your ears. “It’s kinetic…focused energy,” Toth said. “It’s a dance party, but also, the function of the music is not purely to dance. It’s also to challenge people and put them in a beautiful space within that party element.”

Rubblebucket, Stepdad The Canopy Club Thursday, Oct. 13 @ 9:00 p.m. (Doors @ 8:00) Cost: $10 Ages: 18+

buzz

Sara Bareilles and Elizabeth ziman “catapult” to CU “Love Song” and “Race You” songstresses to play The Canopy Club by Maggie Labno ara Bareilles and Elizabeth & the Catapult have a sold out show at the Canopy Club on Monday, Oct. 10. Sara Bareilles. a three-time Grammy nominee pop singer-songwriter, is most known for her single “Love Song,” which got her attention on radio stations across the nation, along with two of those Grammy nominations and a number one spot on the Billboard Pop 100. Bareilles has three studio albums out, with the most recent being Kaleidoscope Heart (Sept. 2010). With songs that typically speak of relationships and love, she has previously been compared to artists such as Fiona Apple and Norah Jones. After a break from touring and some trouble writing her recent record, Bareilles eventually wrote enough quality music for Kaleidoscope Heart. She then posted on her blog, “I can’t wait to reconnect with fans from the stage. I can’t wait to see how many times the word ‘Kaleidoscope’ gets misspelled.” Elizabeth and the Catapult, a Brooklyn-based group similar to The Submarines and Kate Nash, is opening the show. Bareilles and Elizabeth Ziman were brought together by a friend some time

buzz

ago. They met at a café, and that very same night, Bareilles let Ziman sleep on her couch. Since then, the two songstresses have played together a number of times. The batch of shows surrounding the Urbana performance is a “reunion” for the two, as Ziman posted on her Twitter account. Fans at the Canopy Club should expect to see some great interactions between Bareilles and the audience, as well as with Elizabeth and the Catapult. “When I’m playing these shows, literally, my band has to be like, ‘Shut up. Shut up, Elizabeth,’” Ziman said. “We don’t really have enough time during these shows. I do like interacting with crowds. I feel like that’s what performing is all about.” Besides a lot of interaction, fans can expect both artists to play a range of their collected material. Although Bareilles has released a lot of new music since “Love Song,” she is still known to perform her 2007 hit. As for Elizabeth and the Catapult, fans can rely on Ziman to cover a song during her set and debut some new material. Ziman, who has two albums out, doesn’t put preference to either album when working on a set list. She once read a blog post in which a fan complained about her

not playing enough old material, but that’s just the kind of performer Ziman is. She will always play some old songs that people know, but she never plays a show without playing a new piece. “I always play at least one or two brand new songs,” she said. “That’s just a good luck thing for me. If I don’t play a new song on the set, it’s bad luck. That’s the way it goes. It keeps me writing.” In addition to new tunes, Bareilles has previously invited Elizabeth and the Catapult to get on stage with her. Hugs are also likely to happen. “Hopefully, [fans] can expect to have some fun,” Ziman said. “And they can expect me to hug them after the show if they’re not creepy.”

briefbox

Sara bareilles, elizabeth & the catapult the canopy club monday, Oct. 10 @ 9:00 p.m. (Doors @ 8:00) TICKETS: sold out (ask around!) Ages: 18+

Used with permission from Sara Bareilles

the217.com October 6 - 12, 2011

My stomach is confused.

Liquor Store Wine Selection New Business of 2011! Best Green Business Drunk Food Resale Shop Hair Salon Asian Cuisine Sushi Mexican Pizza Barbeque Breakfast Food On-Campus Bar Off-Campus Bar Beer Selection Live Music Venue Men’s Clothing Women’s Clothing Coffee Shop Smoke Shop Art Gallery Theater Venue

2011

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WHERE’S THE BEST PLACE TO:

Friendliest Wait Staff Tanning Salon Date Spot Gay-Friendly Nightlife Vegetarian Restaurant Park Public Restroom 24-hour Hangout Bakery Apartment Complex Declare our Love for Someone Find a One-Night Stand Bust a Move Buy Organic Groceries Buy Sex Toys Work Out Buy Music Buy Home Furnishings See a Movie Get a Tattoo Get a Bike Buy Shoes Have Sex in Public buzz

CALENDAR

OCTOBER 6 - 12, 2011

Complete listing available at

THE217.COM/CALENDAR

SUBMIT YOUR EVENT TO THE CALENDAR: Online: forms available at the217.com/calendar • E-mail: send your notice to calendar@the217.com • Fax: 337-8328, addressed to the217 calendar Snail mail: send printed materials via U.S. Mail to: the217 calendar, Illini Media, 512 E. Green St., Champaign, IL 61820 • Call: 531-1456 if you have a question or to leave a message about your event.

THURSDAY 6 live music Monkey Town The Clark Bar, C, 6:30pm Chillax Radio Maria, C, 9pm Machine Gun Kelly Highdive, C, 9pm Ole #7 Rosebowl Tavern, Ltd., U, 9pm

dj DJ BJ Dance Night Po’ Boys, U, 8pm Here Come the Regulars Red Star Liquors, U, 9pm DJ Luniks Firehaus, C, 10pm, $5 DJ Ollie & DJ Hot Saus Highdive, C, 10pm

Dead Man’s Cell Phone by Sarah Ruhl Parkland College Theatre, C, 7:30pm, $14 for Adults, $12-14 God of Carnage The Station Theatre, U, 8pm, $10-$15 Open Stage at Red Herring Red Herring Coffeehouse, U, 9pm

kids and families

museum exhibit

miscellaneous

Preschool Story Time Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 10am Raising Readers Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 3:30pm

Spring Prairie Skies William M. Staerkel Planetarium, C, 7pm IBEX: Search for the Edge of the Solar System William M. Staerkel Planetarium, C, 8pm

International Coffeehouse Etc. Coffee House, U, 4pm

Half Price Happy Hour Emerald City Lounge, C, 5pm

RockStarz Karaoke: Presented by 3L Entertainment Senator’s Bar & Grill, Savoy, 9pm

lectures

SATURDAY 8

stage

art exhibit

mind/body/spirit

DJ Tommy Williams Chester Street, C, 9pm, $3 DJ Delayney Highdive, C, 10pm DJ Cal Emmerich Boltini Lounge, C, 10pm, $5 DJ Belly & DJ Mertz Cowboy Monkey, C, 1 0pm

Coffee Hours University YMCA, C, 7:30pm

Open Yoga Practice Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 5:30am, $8 Lunchtime Express Core with Maggie Taylor Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 12pm, $12 Ashtanga Yoga with Certified Yoga Teacher Lauren Quinn karaoke Amara Yoga & Arts, U, Bentley’s Thursday Night museum exhibit 5:30pm, Karaoke Warriors, Guardians, and $12 Bentley’s Pub, C, Demons food and drink 3pm Spurlock Museum, U Liquid Courage Karaoke Cosmo Coffee Hour lectures Memphis on Main, C, University YMCA, C, 9pm Energy in the 21st 7:30pm RockStarz Karaoke: Century Presented by 3L EnterBeckman Institute, U, FRIDAY 7 tainment 4:30pm live music Bentley’s Pub, C, recreation 10pm ‘Appy Hour Gates of Delirium Silvercreek, U, open mic Haunted Attraction 5:30pm, SPEAK Cafe Gates of Delirium, Gilman, $2-$10 Krannert Art Museum and 7pm, FREE Happy Hour Show! Kinkead Pavilion, C, $9 Memphis on Main, C, 7pm 6pm campus activities In Your Ear Big Band movies Weekday Orthodox Min- Cowboy Monkey, C, IPRH Film Series: The yan and Breakfast 6:30pm Lord is Not on Trial Here The Hillel Foundation: The Diva and Dude: Kathy Today Margie K. and Louis N. Harden and Andy Baylor Krannert Art Museum Cohen Center for Jewish The Clark Bar, C, and Kinkead Pavilion, C, Life, C, 6:30pm 5:30pm 7:30am Wild Flag Highdive, C, stage fashion 7:30pm Moliere’s “The Imaginary Yarn ‘n Yak Nakatani Gong Orchestra Invalid” Rantoul Public Library, University YMCA, C, High School of St. Thomas Rantoul, 8pm More, C, 7pm The Whistle Pigs w/ 7pm, Carrie Nation & The environmental $5-7 Speakeasy! issues Tennessee at 100: OneMemphis on Main, C, Act Plays by Tennessee The Beehive Collective 8pm Williams Swarms Urbana Goth Industrial with Alex Parkland College Theatre, Urbana-Champaign Inde- and Andrew C, 7:30pm, pendent Media Center, U, The Clark Bar, C, $12-14 7pm 10pm 16

buzz

Watercolors, Photos and Drawings by Michael Fuerst 133 W Main, U, 8am Paintings by Carol Stewart and ceramic sculpture by Annelies Heijnen Cinema Gallery, U, 10am

community

dance music Urbana Country Dancers Contra Dance Anderson’s Barn, U, 8pm, $4-5

karaoke RockStarz Karaoke: Presented by 3L Entertainment Senator’s Bar & Grill, Savoy, 9pm DJ Bange Karaoke Phoenix, C, 9pm Dragon Karaoke with Paul Faber The Clark Bar, C, 10pm

stage Moliere’s “The Imaginary Invalid” High School of St. Thomas More, C, 7pm, $5-7 God of Carnage The Station Theatre, U, 8pm, $10-$15 Tennessee at 100: OneAct Plays by Tennessee Williams Parkland College Theatre, C, 7:30pm, $12-14 Dead Man ’s Cell Phone by Sarah Ruhl Parkland College Theatre, C, 7:30pm, $12-14 A Streetcar Named Desire Gregory Hall, U, 8pm, $5-7

Friday Forum Presents How Local Schools are Advancing Social Justice University YMCA, C, 12pm “At Fifty: The Story of Two Museums” Champaign Country Club, C, 12pm Eugene Wang (Harvard University) Illinois Program for Research in Humanities, U, 3pm

recreation Gates of Delirium Haunted Attraction Gates of Delirium, Gilman, 7pm, $9 Open Gym Volleyball Champaign County Brookens Administration Center, U, 5:30pm, $1

game-playing Chess Club Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 3:30pm

food and drink

live music Big Bluestem Curtis Orchard, C, 12pm Brazilian Live Music Iron Post, U, 6pm Classic Rust The Clark Bar, C, 6:30pm Girls Next Door Canopy Club, U, 6:30pm, $7 Live Jazz with Panache Jim Gould Restaurant, C, 7pm John McMahon Phoenix, C, 7pm Renegade Boomerang’s Bar and Grill, U, 9pm Triple ot Buck Memphis on Main, C, 9pm New Ruins (CD Release Party) Cowboy Monkey, C, 10pm

DJ Dif-EQ Red Star Liquors, U, 9pm DJ Randall Ellison literary Chester Street, C, Zionist Food for Thought 9pm, The Hillel Foundation: The $3 Margie K. and Louis N. DJ - Presented by 3L Cohen Center for Jewish Entertainment Life, C, D.R. Diggers, C, 12pm 9:30pm Goth Night social issues The Clark Bar, C, Isra-ed Weekly Session 10pm Cafe Sababa, C, DJ Space Police 12pm Boltini Lounge, C, 10pm

kids and families

Homeschool Program: Soil Science Lake of the Woods Forest Preserve, Mahomet, 10am, $3

dance music Urbana Country Dancers Contra Dance Kalyx Center, Monticello, 6pm, $4-5

Salsa Night with DJ Dr. J Radio Maria, C, 10pm

karaoke

WPGU Presents: Those Darlins Highdive, C, 7:30pm

open mic Open Mic Nite Phoenix, C, 7pm

stage

God of Carnage The Station Theatre, U, Moliere’s “The Imaginary 8pm, Invalid” $10-$15 High School of St. Thomas Drag Show More, C, Chester Street, C, 7pm, 10pm, $5-7 $4 God of Carnage lectures The Station Theatre, U, 8pm, Lecture - Abraham $10-$15 Lincoln as a Lifelong A Streetcar Named Learner Desire Museum of the Grand Gregory Hall, U, 8pm, Prairie, Mahomet, 2pm $5-7

social issues NAMI Walk West Side Park, C, 9:30am

kids and families Buddy Walk Champaign County Fairgrounds, U, 9:30am Kids Yoga Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 10:30am Kids Arts & Crafts Playshops Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 11:15am

campus activities

M and M: Midrash and Meal The Hillel Foundation: The Margie K. and Louis N. Cohen Center for Jewish Life, C, 6pm

game-playing

community

Second Saturday Boardgaming Urbana Free Library, U, 2pm Trivia Night The Blind Pig Brewery, C, 7pm Big Dave’s Trivia Cowboy Monkey, C, 7pm

Market at the Square Lincoln Square Mall, U, 7am

classes and workshops

food and drink Sensational Saturday Tasting Sun Singer Wine & Spirits, C, 12pm Half Price Happy Hour Emerald City Lounge, C, 5pm

SUNDAY 9 live music Live Jazz with Panache Jim Gould Restaurant, C, 7pm Denny K Curtis Orchard, C, 12pm

West African Dance Class with Djibril Camara Channing-Murray Foundation, U, 6pm, $10-12

food and drink Champagne Brunch with a Diva! Emerald City Lounge, C, 10am, $12 Sandy’s Bagel Brunch and Games The Hillel Foundation: The Margie K. and Louis N. Cohen Center for Jewish Life, C, 11am

October 6 - 12, 2011

Monday 10 live music One Dollar Wild Mondays Canopy Club, U, 10am

dj DJ Randall Ellison Chester Street, C, 9pm, $3 Eletro/Industrial Night Chester Street, C, 9pm, $2 80’s Night w/ DJ Mingram Highdive, C, 10pm

karaoke RockStarz Karaoke: Presented by 3L Entertainment Mike ‘n Molly’s, C, 10pm

stage God of Carnage The Station Theatre, U, 8pm, $10-$15 Monday Night Comedy Illini Union, U, 7pm Abe Froman Project Monday Night Improv Mike ‘n Molly’s, C, 9pm

art MELD: Monday Evening Life Drawing group McGown Photography, C, 7:00 pm, $7

campus activities Nutrition Walk In La Casa Cultural Latina, U, 5pm

game-playing Trivia Night Bentley’s Pub, C, 7:30pm

literary Writers’ Group Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 9:30am Lunch and Learn with Rabbi Naftali The Hillel Foundation: The Margie K. and Louis N. Cohen Center for Jewish Life, C, 1pm

kids and families

game-playing

Baby & Me Yoga with Corrie Proksa Amara Yoga & Arts, U, 10:30am, $12

Trivia Tuesdays Memphis on Main, C, 7pm

the217.com

open mic

Open mic night at Samuel Music Samuel Music, C, 5pm lgbt Open Mic Comedy Night Rainbow Coffeehouse Memphis on Main, C, Tuesday 11 Etc. Coffee House, U, 9pm 6pm Open Mic Nite live music Man UP (Men’s Support/ Phoenix, C, Corn Desert Ramblers Social Group) 9pm The Clark Bar, C, The Up Center, U, stage 7pm 7pm A Night With the God of Carnage classes and Wilders Presented by The Station Theatre, U, workshops CU Folk and Roots and 8pm, the UCIMC Real Computing Help $10-$15 Urbana-Champaign Inde- Douglass Branch Library, game-playing pendent Media Center, U, C, 7:30pm, 6pm Pokemon Fan Club $15-$20 Acing Midterms: StepRantoul Public Library, Blue Tuesdays - Present- ping Up Your Study Rantoul, ed by 3L Entertainment Skills 5:30pm Senator’s Bar & Grill, SaIllini Union, U, Euchre voy, 7pm Po’ Boys, U, 7:30pm 7pm Dueling Guitars Wednesday 12 Live Trivia Jupiter’s II, C, Buffalo Wild Wings, Savoy, live music 8pm 8pm Man Or Astro-Man? Donnie Heitler Solo environmental Highdive, C, Piano issues 9pm Great Impasta, U, The Piano Man 6pm Students for EnvironmenCanopy Club, U, Jesse Francis and Jimmy tal Concerns 9pm Bean University YMCA, C, Dragon Karaoke with The Clark Bar, C, 6:30pm Paul Faber 6:30pm kids and families The Clark Bar, C, Corn Desert Ramblers 10pm The Clark Bar, C, Storyshop at the Branch 6:30pm Douglass Branch Library, C, karaoke Open Deck Night 10:30am RockStarz Karaoke: Pre- Radio Maria, C, Wrestling Fan Club sented by 3L Entertain9pm Rantoul Public Library, ment Rantoul, 4pm dj Bentley’s Pub, C, community 10pm DJ Tommy Williams Chester Street, C, Fire Prevention Week movies 9pm, Open House Israeli Movie Club $2 Champaign Fire DepartThe Hillel Foundation: The Coyote Ugly Night w/ DJ ment, C, 6pm Margie K. and Louis N. Stifler fundraisers Cohen Center for Jewish Highdive, C, Life, C, 9pm Signature Chefs Auction 7pm DJ Randall Ellison Hilton Garden Inn, C, 6pm AsiaLENS Screening: Boltini Lounge, C, miscellaneous Bhutan: Taking the 9pm Middle Path to Happiness Wompdown WednesCafe Ivrit Urbana Free Library, U, days: Chalice Mug Espresso Royale, U, 7pm Night! 7pm Canopy Club, U, stage classes and 9pm, workshops God of Carnage $1 The Station Theatre, U, I Love The ‘90s with DJ Restorative Circles 8pm, Mingram Overview $10-$15 Soma Ultralounge, C, Urbana-Champaign Inde10pm pendent Media Center, U, campus activities 8:30am dance music Revive, Restore, Relax: Tango Quick Start Class Weston Wellness Salsa Dancing Channing-Murray FoundaWeston Residence Hall, Cowboy Monkey, C, tion, U, C, 3pm 10pm 6pm

buz z ’s WEEK AHEAD Nakatani Gong Orchestra University YMCA 1001 S. Wright St., C. Friday, Oct. 7 8 p.m. - 9:30 p.m. Free OMG, this sounds sweet. According to the bio, “Tatsuya Nakatani is a contemporary percussionist, originally from Osaka, Japan. He performs creative music around the world. He has created a totally unique sound which defies category or genre. He utilizes the drum set, bowed gongs, cymbals, singing bowls and metal objects.” Essentially, an avant-garde gong musician is playing trippy tradition-defying music. It’ll be weird. Meet me there beforehand and help me kiss a glass apple. — Nick Martin, Movies & TV Editor

Leif Erikson Day Sunday, Oct. 9 Everywhere Free! “Dear Spongebob, went to get more giant paper. Uhhhh… Patrick. P.S. Happy Leif Ericsson Day. Yeager Hinger Dinger!” — Adam Barnett, Music Editor

Energy in the 21st Century Beckman Institute 405 N. Mathews Ave., U. Thursday, Oct. 6 4:30 p.m. - 5:30 p.m. 18+ Energy has become a huge topic with presidential candidates on the road and agendas being set. I’m a huge supporter of green energy technologies and try to be as careful as I can with electricity and recycling. Michael Loudin, from ExxonMobil Exploration Company, will be speaking about the “technical, economic, and environmental constraints and opportunities associated with conventional and alternative sources of energy in the 21st century. Loudin has worked as a senior geophysicist, advisor to the VP for Exploration, manager for Worldwide Geophysical Operations, and Manager for Worldwide Geoscience Recruiting and Career Development for Mobil and ExxonMobil.” — Sam Bakall, Food & Drink Editor

Dr. J. Barry Howell, Buzz & The Champaign Urbana Theatre Company Presents

RICHARD O’BRIEN’S

Saturday, October 22 2011 at The Canopy Club

A whole day dedicated to Rocky Horror! Gleeked Concert 6-7 pm One hour concert of the music of Rocky Horror Doors-5 pm Cost: $10 This show is for 17 & under and must be accompanied by a parent or guardian

Rocky Horror Show in Concert 2 Doors: 8:30 pm Show 9:30 pm Movie to follow Cost: $15 For both in concert and movie!

This performance is a fundraising event for the Champaign Urbana Theatre Company. Tickets are available now at: The Canopy Club, Exile on Main Street, Manolo’s Pizza & Empanadas, CUTC ofﬁce Online at www.canopyclub.com, or By phone at 1-800-514-ETIX

buzz

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the217.com October 6 - 12, 2011

Could you fall in love with my dog?

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY ARIES

March 21-April 19

“Do unto others as they wish,” advised French artist Marcel Duchamp, “but with imagination.” I recommend that approach to you, Aries. You’re in a phase of your astrological cycle when you can create good fortune for yourself by tuning into the needs and cravings of others, and then satisfying those needs and cravings in your own inimitable and unpredictable ways. Don’t just give the people you care about the mirror image of what they ask for; give them a funhouse mirror image that reflects your playful tinkering.

TAURUS

April 20-May 20

Winner of the American Book Award, William Stafford wrote thousands of poems. The raw materials for his often-beautiful creations were the fragments and debris of his daily rhythm. “I have woven a parachute out of everything broken,” he said in describing his life’s work. You are now in a phase when you could achieve a comparable feat, Taurus. You have the power to turn dross into sweetness, refuse into treasure, loss into gain.

GEMINI

May 21-June 20

Is there something you’ve always wanted to create but have not gotten around to creating? Now would be an excellent time to finally get that project off the ground. Is there any role you have fantasized about taking on but have never actually sought out? Now would be a perfect moment to initiate an attempt. Is there any big mysterious deal you’ve thought about connecting with but never have? Any profound question you’ve longed to pose but didn’t? Any heart-expanding message you’ve wanted to deliver but couldn’t bring yourself to? You know what to do.

CANCER

June 21-July 22

The experiences you’re flirting with seem to be revivals of long-forgotten themes. You’re trying to recover stuff that was abandoned or neglected way back when. You’re dipping into the past to salvage defunct resources, hoping to find new applications for them. To illustrate the spirit of what you’re doing, I’ve resurrected some obsolete words I found in an 18th-centry dictionary. Try sprinkling them into your conversations. “Euneirophrenia” means “peace of mind after a sweet dream.” “Neanimorphic” is “looking younger than one’s true age.” “Gloze” is when you speak soothing or flattering words in order to persuade. “Illapse” means the gradual or gentle entrance of one thing into another.

LEO

July 23-Aug. 22

An old Egyptian saying declares that “the difference between a truth and a lie weighs no more than a feather.” I suspect that your experiences will vividly demonstrate the accuracy of that statement. There will be a very fine line between delusional nonsense and helpful wisdom . . . between colorful but misleading BS and articulate, provocative analysis . . . between interesting but irrelevant fantasies and cogent, evidence-based prognostications. Which side will you be on, Leo? To increase your chances of getting it right, be a stickler for telling yourself the heart-strong truth.

VIRGO

Aug. 23-Sept. 22

What’s the most practical method of acquiring wealth? One out of every five Americans believes that it’s by playing the lottery. While it is true, Virgo, that you now have a slightly elevated chance of guessing the winning numbers in games of chance -- the odds are only 90 million to one instead of 100 million to one -- I don’t recommend that you spend any time seeking greater financial security in this particular way. A much better use of your current cosmic advantage would be to revitalize and reorganize your approach to making, spending, saving, and investing money.

LIBRA

Sept. 23-Oct. 22

The Jet Propulsion Laboratory landed two robotic vehicles on Mars in 2004. They were expected to explore the planet and send back information for 90 days. But the rover named Spirit kept working for over six years,

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October 6 – 12, 2011

jonesin’

by Matt Jones

Across

SCORPIO

Oct. 23-Nov. 21

“I don’t want to play the part of the mythical phoenix again,” my Scorpio friend Kelly has been moaning as she prepares for her latest trial by fire. “I’ve burned myself to the ground and risen reborn out of the ashes two times this year already. Why can’t someone else take a turn for a change?” While I empathized, I thought it was my duty to tell her what I consider to be the truth: More than any other sign of the zodiac, you Scorpios have supreme skills in the art of metaphorical self-immolation and regeneration. You’re better able to endure the ordeal, too. Besides, part of you actually enjoys the heroic drama and the baby-fresh feelings that come over you as you reanimate yourself from the soot and cinders.

SAGITTARIUS

Nov. 22-Dec. 21

When she was seven years old, my daughter Zoe created a cartoon panel with colored pens. It showed an orange-haired girl bending down to tend to three orange flowers. High overhead was an orange five-pointed star. The girl was saying, “I think it would be fun being a star,” while the star mused, “I think it would be great to be a girl.” I urge you to create your own version of this cartoon, Sagittarius. Put a picture of yourself where the girl was in Zoe’s rendering. Getting your imagination to work in this way will put you in the right frame of mind to notice and take advantage of the opportunities that life will bring you. Here’s your mantra, an ancient formula the mystics espouse: “As above, so below.”

CAPRICORN

Dec. 22-Jan. 19

Years ago, I discovered I was eligible to join MENSA, an organization for people with high IQs. Since I’d never gotten any awards, plaques, or badges, I thought I’d indulge in this little sin of pride. Not too long after I signed up, however, I felt like an idiot for doing it. Whenever I told someone I belonged to MENSA, I felt sheepish about seeming to imply that I was extra smart. Eventually I resigned from the so-called genius club. But then I descended into deeper egomania -- I started bragging about how I had quit MENSA because I didn’t want to come off like an egotist. How egotistical was that? Please avoid this type of unseemly behavior in the coming week, Capricorn. Be authentically humble, not fake like me. It’ll be important for your success.

AQUARIUS

Jan. 20-Feb. 18

Right now you have license to make pretty much everything better. Good fortune is likely as you seek out experiences that are extra interesting and thought-provoking. This is no time for you to be shy about asking for what you want or timid about stirring up adventure. Be louder and prouder than usual. Be bolder and brighter, nosier and cozier, weirder and more whimsical. The world needs your very best idiosyncrasies and eccentricities!

PISCES

Feb. 19-March 20

There is a chance the following scenario will soon come to pass: A psychic will reveal that you have a liver that can actually thrive on alcohol, and you will then get drunk every day for two weeks, and by the end of this grace period, you will have been freed of most of the lingering guilt you’ve carried around for years, plus you will care 40 percent less about what people think of you. Extra bonus: You’ll feel like a wise rookie who’s ready to learn all about intimacy as if you were just diving into it for the first time. But get this, Pisces: There’s an even greater chance that these same developments will unfold very naturally -- without the psychic, without the prediction about a mutant liver, and without the nonstop drunkenness.

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7 ___global.net 10 With 13-down, it’s placed in the upper right corner of an envelope 14 Further from A-quality work 15 Sine ___ non 16 Elbow-wrist connection 17 Weather phenomenon with a Spanish name 18 Cartoon superhero dressed in red, white and blue 20 Yale grads 21 ___ Bator, Mongolia 23 Academy newbie 24 Camcorder button 25 Distinct groups of species populations 27 Uneasy (with tension) 29 “What did I tell you?” 30 Denali or Whitney, e.g. 33 Concept embodying yin and yang 34 Camping bottle 36 Kidded around 39 Alexander who claimed he was “in charge” after Reagan was shot 40 Arctic reindeer herder 41 Prefix like “ultra” 42 It may be consolidated 43 In a fog 44 Woman-hating 46 ___ artist (swindler) 47 Winter hrs. in San Francisco 48 Color to stop on 49 Tranquilizer shooter 53 Place for chalk drawings 55 Inseparable 56 Abou Ben ___ (James Henry Leigh Hunt poem subject) 59 “___ Tuesday” 60 Nimrod 61 Aviation almost-accident 63 Chinese gambling game with dominoes 65 Fail to include 66 Icelandic band Sigur ___ 67 Gas station name 68 With 56-down, state that makes up the lower left corner of the Four Corners Monument

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Down

1 With 1-across, space that occupies the upper left corner of a Monopoly board 2 ___ derby 3 Japanese camera company until 2003 4 Where eye color comes from 5 Former Giants pitcher Robb 6 Marx who novelty glasses are modeled on 7 Zilch 8 Costume seen around Easter 9 Knave 10 Knitting stitches 11 Ye ___ Gift Shoppe 12 Holier-than-thou type 13 See 10-across 19 Fencing swords 22 Auction section

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25 Posh word of surprise 26 Simon of “Shaun of the Dead” 28 “In ___” (Nirvana album) 30 “The Beauty in Ugly” singer Jason 31 CD predecessor 32 Dennis Franz’s former TV employer 34 Who nobody puts in the corner, according to a line from “Dirty Dancing” 35 Actor hiding in the audience, perhaps 36 Hit for The Pointer Sisters, Van Halen or Kris Kross 37 Wading bird sacred to Egyptians 38 Sleeveless garment 39 Florence who played Carol Brady 42 Turned blue, maybe

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43 Uncool dude 45 Big name in fairy tales 46 Caribbean music 49 Do some fingerpainting 50 1 followed by 100 zeroes 51 Get the right combination to 52 With 70-across, it’s often seen in the bottom right corner of a TV screen 53 Sealy competitor 54 Not at all manly 56 See 68-across 57 Ashton’s wife 58 Brushed stuff 60 Fred’s pet 62 401(k) alternative 64 Mo. with no major holidays

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October 6 - 12, 2011

the217.com

AND ANOTHER THING ...

by MICHAEL COULTER

Home alone How to protect your house from burglars I was talking the other day to someone about one of my first apartments. I pointed out that when my lease was up, I didn’t have to clean or anything because they simply tore the damned thing down when I moved out. It was probably a wise decision on their part. Let’s just say it was, um, fairly rustic. Anyway, there was a long period of time when I didn’t even have a door that locked. This was fine since there wasn’t much of value in there; any sort of robbery would have equated more to just taking out my trash than an actual theft. It’s nice to keep things a little safer these days, so let’s all learn how to keep from getting burgled.

for a key. Hell, I would go one step further and hide that extra key in actual dog poop. They may steal your belongings, but that searching hand is still going to smell three weeks later. It’s also not a good idea to keep your ladder outside or in a shed. The thief will use them to reach the roof and possibly get into windows on the upper floor. Those criminals are some real rat bastards. Hell, they probably even steal the ladder when they’re through with it. My solution is to keep the ladder in a locked shed and leave the extra key to this shed in a pile of dog shit. Poop — it’s apparently more useful than I ever imagined. Another tip — don’t let your landscaping get overgrown. This is hard if you live in a jungle or are lazy, but tall shrubs and plants can give the burglar a good hiding spot. Instead, I prefer to build a nice-looking little hut that has a sign that says, “Robbers Welcome! Money Inside! Awesome Hiding Place! Seriously!”. What burglar could resist such an offer? Once the person is captive, you simply lock the door behind them and then hide the key in ... well, you can probably guess the rest of it. Along those same lines, it’s not a good idea to keep your house in the dark. Poor exterior lighting can also give a thief a fine place to hide. However, poor lighting does give the homeowner a safe place to pee outside, so you’ve really got to pick your battles. They suggest putting some of your exterior lights on motion sensor so they come on if someone gets too close. The problem is, I always forget we have the motion detector lights, and when I activate them, I assume someone is already in the house dicking with the light switch. After this, I’m too scared to even go home for two hours. It’s not the best idea to rely on your dog to scare away burglars. It’s fine, though, to rely on your dog to make you a stinky little hidden key holder for outside. Instead, you should make it look like the home is always occupied by using timers on lights and radios. This will also scare the piss out of you when you forget you have them and all the damned lights come on at the same time. Sometimes the cure actually is worse than the disease. You’re also not supposed to leave the boxes from new purchases outside for garbage pickup because people will know what you have. The exception to this rule is if you’ve just bought a 12-gauge shotgun. You could always skip all of these tips and try a different plan of attack. Never leave your house under any circumstances. It’s boring, but you never have to worry about the robbery ... or feeling around in a pile of dog crap.

Apparently, once the burglar is inside your garage, they will often use your tools to break into your house. That shit is cold blooded. A home is robbed every 14.6 seconds according to the FBI. That seems like a lot. The average dollar loss per burglary is a little over $2,000. Geez Louise, some college ought to offer a class in home invasion. It seems like a growing market with some sizable paydays. I found a list of things that are recommended to make your dwelling safer from robbers. This could be important because who wants to search their house for an intruder every 14 seconds? Not me. Rule number one is to keep your garage doors locked. Apparently, once the burglar is inside your garage, they will often use your tools to break into your house. That shit is cold blooded. First of all, what kind of burglar doesn’t bring their own equipment? Second of all, it’s not cool to mess with another guy’s tools. I always lock the garage door anyway, simply because I don’t want someone opening the door while I’m drinking beer and listening to a ballgame. Even if it was a robber, I would sort of feel obligated to at least offer them a beer before they started carrying my stuff out of the house. There’s just a certain set of rules for the garage. Another rule is to be careful where you hide your extra keys. The person robbing your crib will probably be sure to check under the decorative rocks, the doormat, over doorways and in the mailbox. Those robbers are nothing if not crafty. The best idea is to give the spare key to a neighbor or friend. Personally, I like the fake pieces of dog poop that are actually a key holder. A burglar has to be pretty desperate to start rummaging through dog poop 20

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