Buzz Magazine: Oct. 16, 2008 by Buzz Magazine

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buzz

Topless Female Dancers OCT 16 – OCT 22 2008

volume 6 no. 42

18 to enter • Mon-Thur 8pm-1am • Fri-Sat 8pm-2am • $5 Cover

Choose a costume, take it today

Return in November For a ONE DAY PRICE! Call for details! Hundreds to choose from! Rentals starting at $20! week 10/13-10/19

Queer and Greek Not Quite Alone Story Three

Broken Social Scene’s Brendan Canning ruminates

Authentic Thai Cuisine with Smiles

Mon.-Fri. 11 am - 3 pm Mon.-Fri. 5 pm - 10 pm Sat. 11 am - 10 pm Sun. 12 - 9 pm

The ﬁrst of an ongoing current events column in verse

In the garage

We use vegetable oils and no MSG

Calendar

B U Z Z FOOD EDITOR :

E D I T O R I N C H I E F : Stephanie Prather

M OV I E E D I T O R :

M A N AG I N G E D I T O R : Mark Grabowski A R T D I R E C T O R : Matt Harlan PHOTOGR APHY EDITOR :

ARTS EDITOR : CO M M U N I T Y E D I T O R :

Isaac Bloom

C U C A L E N DA R :

I M AG E E D I T O R : Christina Chae

Alan Hable Tanya Boonroueng Samantha Snyder Kate Lamy M U S I C E D I T O R : Tommy Trafton A S S I TA N T M U S I C E D I T O R Amanda Shibely

CO P Y E D I T O R S :

PHOTOGR APHER S: DESIGNERS:

S A L E S M A N AG E R : MARKETING/DISTRIBUTION: PUBLISHER:

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S T A F F

Michell Eloy Keith Hollenkamp Drake Baer Suzanne Stern Bonnie Stiernberg Amanda Brenner Kerry Doyle Omair Ahmed Brandi Willis Mary Cory

T O

B U Z Z

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First copy of Buzz is free. Each additional copy is 50¢ OCT 16 – OCT 22 08

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Your guide to this week’s events

COV E R D E S I G N : Kate Lamy

www.silverbulletbar.net

The in’s, out’s and in-between’s of gay frat life

And Another Thing ...

Silver Bullet Bar

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Mon, Oct. 13th-Sat, Oct. 18th: 10-8 Sun, Oct. 19th 12-5 217.351.5974 • 101 E. University

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weekahead Complete calendar listings on pages 10-11

WHAT TO EXPECT ON

thursday 16

friday 17

saturday 18

Korean Movie Night

“Must See” Comedy Event

Home Movie Day 2008

The Chaser, a fast-paced thriller, kicks off the Korean Movie Night series in room 112 of the Chemistry Annex. The screening is free, and it begins at 6 p.m.

Maria Bamford and Doug Benson take the stage tonight at 8 p.m. in the Illini Union Ballroom. Tickets are $5 for the general public and $3 for students.

Learn how to preserve your old home movies at the Urbana Free Library. This free program kicks off at 11 a.m.

the217.com Food: On Monday, look for “A Healthier Option” and “The Weekly Feed.”

Art: Sunday, preview of the upcoming What You Will’s Two Gents.

Community:

sunday 19

This Thursday, check out an article about drag queens in Springﬁeld in the LGBT section.

Music:

Broken Social Scene The Canadian indie superstars descend upon Foellinger Auditorium tonight at 7:30 p.m. Doors open at 6:30 p.m., and tickets are $25 for students.

Look for our album review of Beyond the Horizon by People in Planes on Friday

LET IT OUT

Likes & Gripes Bonnie Stiernberg Calendar Editor GRIPES

Used with permission from Flickr.com

monday 20

tuesday 21

wednesday 22

Road Trip Nation

Hands-on Japanese Papermaking Demonstration

Gwar with special guests Kingdom of Sorrow and Toxic Holocaust

Mr. Tamura, a master papermaker, will demonstrate his craft at noon at the Krannert Art Museum. Participants will have the opportunity to make their own paper.

Prepare to be showered in fake blood as the band that famously disemboweled a Paris Hilton doll onstage invades the Canopy Club tonight. The show begins at 9 p.m. and tickets are $18 in advance.

The RV from this PBS series will be parked on the South Quad today beginning at 9 a.m. Students can snag some freebies while learning about travel grants.

1) People with enormous backpacks: Unless you plan on climbing Mount Everest or touring Europe after class, you can carry your stuff like the rest of us. 2) Neighbors who blast Kid Rock at 3 a.m.: I have no problem with you playing music that late. I have a serious problem with Kid Rock. I mean, come on, that song is just a mash-up of “Sweet Home Alabama” and “Werewolves of London.” 3) Roommates who constantly demand a shoutout in the buzz: You know who you are.

Michell Eloy Food and Drink Editor LIKES

E D I T O R ’ S N O T E by Stephanie Prather This week I decided to look for a real job. Not that buzz is “pretend,” but since my weeks at the magazine are numbered, I decided that looking for permanent employment would beneﬁt me greatly in the coming months/years/lifetime. I have only submitted my resume and cover letter to two employers, but one thing I’ve learned so far is that it’s tough out there. Just when you think you’ve worked hard enough in college and put in time at internships and extracurricular activities — WHAM! No job for you. The market is saturated and competition is tough, so here are some non-journalism jobs I have encountered that could www.the217.com

get me over the “I just graduated” hump. I’m looking for jobs all around the country, but New York City’s Craigslist job listings are by far the most entertaining. Even in times of hardship people are still willing to pay for just about anything. The following listing was one of my favorites: “Manager-Phone Girl Seeking Midtown Dungeon — BDSM (Midtown-Manhattan). Your duties would include answering phones to set up appointments and answer questions from prospective clients and managing the Mistresses on your shift. We have been in business in New York for over 15 years, with an excellent track-record. We do not allow our Mistresses to perform any illegal services.” Creepy. I don’t think I have necessary experience or references for this job.

I have also learned that in hard times, there is also huge market for Jewish egg donors and surrogate mothers. Harvesting some of your eggs could bring in more than $8,000 if you’re over 18 and have been bat mitzvahed. Unfortunately, my family is United Methodist and I’m not an “egg sharer” or incubator. In CU the Craigslist.com job postings are less abundant, but just as weird. I’m strongly considering replying to a posting for a magician’s assistant. Paid relocation costs, $37,000 salary, and a 401K — sign me up! These days it seems like the only people getting jobs are freaks, human lab rats and people who are already employed. So in case all these promising opportunities don’t pan out, I guess I’ll have to keep searching for jobs in journalism. Darn.

1) Crappy song lyrics: Who knew the quality of a song was directly proportional to the amount of incredibly cheesy, terrible lyrics it contains? Personal favorite: “When you take a sip, you buzz like a hornet. Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets.” Thanks, LFO. 2) Bad dance moves: I went to 88 Broadway the other night and watched some guy do various renditions of the “Smack That” dance for four hours. It was definitely the highlight of the night. 3) Pumpkin-flavored baked goods: Pumpkin bread, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin cupcakes; I love them all!

OCT 16 – OCT 22 08

food & drink Diabetics

Beware

Photo by Alan Hable

Fat Sandwich chooses Champaign for second location by Jenny Beightol It’s 2 a.m., and the announcement comes over the intercom that the bar is closing. Patrons shuffle out like a herd of cattle, and their stomachs automatically start to rumble. Cheesy pizza, crispy chicken fingers and juicy cheeseburgers all sound equally appetizing, so how does one decide? Fat Sandwich Company, located at 502 E. John St., opens this week with the intent to satisfy the internal conflict of the drunken mind. According

to co-owner Cole Lewko, the restaurant is “the place to go after a night of drinking.” Sandwiches like the Fat MotherClucker and the Fat Sorostitute are stuffed with buffalo chicken bites, mozzarella sticks, pizza bites and other favorite late-night munchies. Ravenous customers can now fulﬁll their multiple cravings in just one bite. Lewko and partner Adam Pearlman came up with the idea for Fat Sandwich Company after

graduating from Penn State in 2006. As they watched their fraternity brothers put on suits and ties for their 9 to 5 jobs, the two friends decided to try their hand at the restaurant business. “We didn’t want to join the rat race and work in a cubicle,” Lewko said. They opened their ﬁrst restaurant at the University of Oklahoma about a year and a half ago. Success at Oklahoma prompted Lewko and Pearlman to open a second restaurant.

WEEKLY FEED

When thinking of a clam, the first thing that comes to mind is not a geoduck. The geoduck (pronounced gooey-duck) is a large seawater clam that looks nothing like those we are used to eating. They can weigh up to three pounds, have a 15–20 centimeterlong shell and a meter-long neck called a siphon that stretches from the shell. Although we may not be familiar with eating geoduck, they are considered a delicacy in China where it can be sold for up to 30 dollars a pound. There, geoduck is often eaten as sashimi, which is raw fish over a bed of rice. Though the geoduck is a popular dish across the seas, the U.S. has an $80 million geoduck industry. Why are we not eating it? When the first geoduck fishery opened in 1970, it is said there

was low demand for the clam because of its texture. This changed when commerce expanded overseas to people who enjoy the geoduck’s crunchy texture and sea ﬂavor. The harvesting of geoducks requires a large amount of coastal waters, which has caused some ecological concerns for the northwest boarder. There are efforts to reduce geoduck farming, which would make the clam even more valuable, so get them cheaply while you can! To avoid being turned off by the unusual texture, boil chopped up geoduck for only a few seconds. It toughens fast, so it does not need to be cooked more than this. After the geoduck is boiled, it is a nice additive to a chowder or soup.

Geoduck: a strange name for a clam by Kimberly Callaghan

OCT 16 – OCT 22 08

After touring more than 50 college campuses, they decided on their John Street location. Fat Sandwich Company is open every day from 11 a.m. to 3 a.m. All sandwiches are served on an 8-inch amoroso roll, which is specially shipped from Philadelphia. Lewko insists that the sandwiches are not messy because they are tightly rolled. “It’s like a brick of deliciousness,” Lewko said. Not only does Fat Sandwich Company offer loaded sandwiches but they also sell burgers, chicken wings and wraps. Lewko said the Chicken Donut is a favorite. It is a fried chicken patty with American cheese squeezed between a glazed donut bun. Patrons who feel like they haven’t eaten in decades can try the Big Fat Ugly Challenge. For $25, they can get a sandwich consisting of two rolls, four cheeseburgers, a double cheesesteak, a chicken cheesesteak, gyro meat, grilled chicken, bacon, sausage, mozzarella sticks, chicken fingers, chicken nuggets, mac n cheese bites, fried mushrooms, jalapeño poppers, pizza bites, onion rings, hash browns, American cheese, mayo and ketchup. If the individual can eat it in less than 15 minutes, they’ll receive their meal for free, receive a Tshirt and get their name on the wall. Lewko said that out of 70 people who have attempted the challenge, only three have succeeded. “We try to think of ridiculous things and go with it,” Lewko said. Fat Sandwich Company delivers through EatCU and CampusFood. Beer, liquor and cigarettes are served in the restaurant and are also available for delivery. For $3, customers can order a 32 oz. draft beer in a large plastic mug with $2 unlimited reﬁlls. “It has a good location,” said Kathryn Scott, a junior in elementary education. “If they’ve been successful at other campuses, I don’t see why they won’t be successful here.” For more information, check out FatSandwichCompany.com or call 217-FAT-5035.

Used with permission from Flickr.com

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buzz 5

Queer, Greek and Fabulous The politics of being Greek and gay by Liam Reed

eing in a fraternity on the U of I campus is linked to certain stereotypes, and most often, these include mass amounts of alcohol, lots of promiscuous sex and, as of a few years ago, the ability to throw a now infamous party that involves both tacos AND tequila. Greeks on campus are sometimes though of as close-minded and bigoted, but after interviewing eight queer frat guys over the past two weeks, it is clear that these stereotypes are based more out of ignorance than actual fact. Also clear is that gays exist all over this campus, and they do not always adhere to the stereotypes they are dealt.

Out of the Closet Being gay, Greek and out has a lot more prominence on this campus than one might readily expect. In two weeks, I was able to ﬁnd four out, queer guys: Logan, Dan, Ari and Peter. Peter, who graduated last year, told me stories that involved competitions among his frat brothers over who could get the most action in the shortest period of time, and, not feeling he had to hide anything, he won the competition. Logan considers himself to be from one of the “top six” frats on campus but wasn’t out during his time as an undergrad. Now as a grad student, he has come out to his frat brothers, who now give him dating advice. Ari, now in law school, came out to a few select

friends because he felt if he went through it alone, he wouldn’t survive it. After spending a semester away, people talked, and he came back to nearly everyone knowing that he is gay. However, no one really cared one way or the other about it, and “it didn’t really matter anymore; it was such common knowledge eventually even pledges would ﬁnd out,” he said. Before these four men came out, their sex lives were not only private but hidden. Nearly every guy I interviewed had to sneak a guy into the frat house in order to hook up with him. Many of these stories also involved using Web sites such as Craigslist in order to ﬁnd other queers, and more often than not, they had to be assisted with liquid courage. Dan, however, is a bit different. A senior in sociology, he was out of the closet even when he rushed the frat. Dan does not feel the need to hide his sex life and claims, “It’s not a big deal to bring guys home.” Differing from many gay and bisexual guys on campus, the out Greeks never got sucked into the gay scene of CU. They all have main circles of friends/brothers who have more in common than just sexual orientation. When it comes to being gay on campus, the consensus seems to be that most places are safe for gays, up to and including most of the frat houses (though you shouldn’t be surprised if you are stared at heavily).

In the Closet Being in the closet is a very different case. Three of the four guys who are not out refused to meet in person and gave all interviews through e-mail. Joe, a sophomore in psychology, writes, “I think I would be safe to be out in my frat, but I’m only assuming. I do not fully know my brothers that well.” Three of the four also claimed to never have had a relationship, though hookups seem to be aplenty. Cole, a senior in business, has hooked up with 10 guys and has done so using sites such as Craigslist, remaining anonymous with fake e-mail addresses and fake names. When asked why they choose to remain closeted, they said they feel they do not want to be thought of simply as “the gay one” because there is more to each one of them aside from their sexual orientation. Cole, who is bisexual, also says that if he were out, girls would no longer want to hook up with him. Also, with his desire to have a family one day, coming out as bisexual would not be a good idea.

The In-Between One of my most intense conversations was with Parker, a junior in advertising. By the end of our two-hour phone conversation, Parker told me he didn’t really have a chance to talk about everything that we had before and that he had started to reconsider his choice of staying in the closet.

“I have to teach freshmen these brotherly values and now ... well, it’s kind of sad that I can’t practice what I preach,” he said. Out to very few of his friends, Parker says that having someone to conﬁde in is an absolute must. With hopes of one day bringing a guy as a date to a frat function, Parker asked the question, “Why do I care?” several times throughout the interview. “Seriously, you can get away with so much shit in college, and I’m wasting my days. I’m sure I’ll regret not having come out sooner. I’ve never had a relationship. Or even a date that wasn’t actually just a hookup.” With so many interviews and so little page space, this is only the tip of the iceberg. For more details on the guys’ interviews, check out http://www.blogs. the217.com/withtongue over the next few days. I’ll devote a blog entry to each person and discuss topics such as the hypocrisy of a brotherhood and the hiding of secrets, whether or not groups such as Greek Allies actually help acceptance on campus and, of course, a few more intimate details when it comes to those hidden aspects of the life of being closeted and Greek. Queers exist in all forms on this campus; whether they’re dancers in the art department or Cubs fans in a fraternity, they exist and have histories that run way deeper than how their sexual orientation may stereotypically deﬁne them. Read the blog, learn their stories and realize that your brother may have something that he wants to tell you. He is, after all, your brother.

Friday Juicebox : : 5–7pm : : $15 KLINKER BRICK VERTICAL! Saturday Tasting : : 2–6 pm : : $5 Absolutely Stellar Wines! Sunday Beer Tasting : : 2–5 pm : : $3 Autumnal Treats! *Offers may not be combined with any other discount or promotion. All offers expire October 25, 2008. See store for complete details.

Corkscrew Wine Emporium

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Check out IlliniEyeCare.com for special internet savings!

OCT 16 – OCT 22 08

music

Death Cab for Cutie at Assembly Hall Ben Gibbard of Death Cab For Cutie plays at Assembly Hall. Photo by Wallo Villacorta

Concert Review by Ashley Albrecht In an understated fashion typical of earthy West-coast natives, Ben Gibbard, Chris Walla, Nicholas Harmer, and Jason McGerr humbly walked on-stage and without much ado, began playing. Without even a chance for an afﬁrmative reply from the audience, Gibbard pierced the silence of Assembly Hall with his crystal clear voice. Crooning the opening lyrics to “Employment Pages” — “we spread out and occupy the cracks in the urban streets” — Death Cab’s front man set a tone both poetically modernist and musically poignant. This being my ﬁrst experience with Death Cab live, I was pleasantly surprised by their up-beat, warm, and hopeful musical executions, in comparison to the band’s more melancholic recordings. After an anticipatory silence, the crowd erupted with glee at the first identifiable chords of “The New Year.” Because of Death Cab’s almost universal appeal, the audience ranged in age from angsty, converse-clad HighSchoolers to middle-aged hipster wannabes. Everyone can relate to love, such as the honest and simple mantra of “I loved you Guinevere” from “We Laugh Indoors.” As Gibbard sang, his past love became a current reality, not a repetitive performance chore. Breaking his on-stage solipsism before the ironically up-beat “Crooked Teeth,” Gibbard issued a fun-loving, “Champaign, what’s going on guys?!?” to the audience. Next, Death Cab played the first piece of the set off their latest masterpiece, Narrow Stairs (2007): a mature rendition of lyrically philosophic and musically OCT 16 – OCT 22 08

complex “Grapevine Fires.” Interrupting the smooth progression of the concert, Gibbard commented on how “f-ing weird” Assembly Hall seemed as a venue, going so far as to compare it to the Sci-Fi dystopia depicted in the ‘76 ﬁlm Logan’s Run. However, Death Cab’s lead singer/ song-writer/guitarist quickly transitioned from this distracted mood to a tone more reﬂective — strumming his guitar in the bright white spotlight, while serenading the audience with “I Will Follow You into the Dark.” After the relative mellow-ness of the set’s first-half, Gibbard encouraged the audience to “dance on a Sunday!” along to the upbeat crowd-pleaser “The Sound of Settling.” Re-establishing the band’s typically somber tone, Death Cab performed yet another highlight off their latest release, the hypnotic, musically-layered “Bixby Canyon Bridge.” With that, the four indie rockers exited the stage much as they came, only to reappear minutes later for a four-song encore. Advertising the Nov. 25th reissue of the band’s ‘98 debut, Something About Airplanes, Death Cab played a relatively unimpressive “Champagne from a Paper Cup,” followed by an equally subdued “Title and Registration.” The band completed the set with yet another musical reminder of heartache and woe, with the haunting chorus of“Transatlanticim” that says “I need you so much closer.” Though considerably more vibrant live than the average listener would expect, Gibbard and gang keep the melancholic legacy of Seattle “grunge” rock alive. come and get it

The Other Side of Broken Social Scene Brendan Canning brings something for all of us by Amanda Shively

Used with permission from Myspace.com

“I would definitely have to work for a professional league. I don’t think I could handle the dinky lower leagues without that thrill of a hardcore audience.” Taken out of context, the quote reads like a statement on Brendan Canning’s life. Showing no signs of slowing down anytime soon, the Broken Social Scene cofounder shares the same enthusiastic opinion toward playing music as he does with the daydream of becoming a professional soccer commentator. All fantasies aside, however, Canning has been a busy man for the last 10 years since the creation of the Canadian indie powerhouse that is Broken Social Scene. After releasing four full-length albums with the group, Canning and fellow founder Kevin Drew have each released his own solo album of sorts under the moniker of Broken Social Scene Presents ... In reality, the introductory style title of each album has less to do with public recognition of the Broken Social Scene name and more to do with giving credit where credit is due. “When you look at the list of musicians that appears on both albums, it is clear that Broken Social

Scene is a huge part of both of our lives. In any case, I don’t feel like it’s a solo album any more than a record on which I just happen to sing and have the majority of the songwriting credit,” Canning explained. Something for All of Us ..., the condensed title of the album, finds Canning stepping into the role of frontman as he works through a revolving list of musical styles (with the help of some special friends). From the instrumental beauty of numbers such as “All the Best Wooden Toys Come from Germany,” to the single-worthy guitars of “Hit the Wall,” Something for All of Us ... is an obvious testament to the “quirks” of the recording process. For the energetic man that Canning is, the months spent working on the album lent time to have a number of creative lulls brought on by “overthinking and deconstructing.” All in all, the album works through these supposed setbacks, striving less for the appeals of an allelectric or all-acoustic album than for the notion of a well-rounded package.

Used with permission from Myspace.com

buzz music

Following in the pattern of the previous tour, the current outing is a celebration of the July release of Broken Social Scene Presents ... Brendan Canning’s Something for All of Us .... While the show will highlight Canning’s release in particular, the available cast of Social-ites will not shy from playing numbers from the Broken Social Scene back catalog as well. The tour finds Canning joined by the likes of Kevin Drew, Justin Peroff, Andrew Whiteman, (also known as The Apostle of Hustle), Charles Spearin, Leon Kingstone and Sam Goldberg, as well as Land of Talk lead vocalist (and tour opener) Elizabeth Powell filling in as the role of female vocalist. Regardless of what name you wish to call them, be sure to catch Canning and crew on Sunday, Oct. 19 when they bring their collective energy to Foellinger Auditorium.

c u s o u n d r e v i e w by Mike Ingram

Shows! and more shows! Last week, I mentioned Tim Fite and my excitement at his return to CU. A couple of years back, Tim played a show at Cowboy Monkey to a handful of people and absolutely killed it. While playing live onstage, there was also a video screen behind him featuring Fite sitting in a wheelchair and playing other various instruments heard on the looped tracks. It was witty and funny, and the songs were solid. The record was OK, but the live show was an absolute blast, and I was sad that the crowd I was a part of was so small. Hopefully this time, opening for Man Man, things will have changed a little. Check out the show tonight at the Canopy Club at 9 p.m. ($12/$14). If you’re not up for dropping that kind of cash but still want to hang out somewhere that you can try to talk loudly over live music, check out Cowboy Monkey, where you’ll find World’s First Flying Machine, Common Loon and Hathaways, starting at 9:30 p.m. ($5). Now that the cold weather has begun to settle in, and the beer garden has calmed down, Cowboy Monkey is picking it back up with live music. Look for shows mainly Thursday through Saturday, along with Tuesday open-mic night and Wednesday salsa (with DJ Bris). Thursday is a popular one, it seems. Mike ‘n Molly’s is also trotting out some great bands as Santa continues its march on downtown Champaign, teaming up with Mordechai in the www.the217.com

Mirror (hopefully you caught their recent CD release show to snag the disc for free), Kirkland and Hark the Herald. $5, 8 p.m. The Clark Bar (nee Nargile, nee Ruby’s) is continuing with infrequent live music, this Friday hosting The Impalas (featuring Dawna Nelson). The show begins at 9 p.m., and there is no cover charge. The Impalas have a storied past, featuring many of CU’s best and brightest musicians over the years. The current lineup features a back-and-forth between the tasteful blues riffs of Bruce “Bruiser” Rummenie and the strong pipes of Nelson. Cory Chisel has had a whirlwind year, involving getting signed to a major label and skipping around the country to play shows with artists such as Jackson Browne and The Roots. He’ll return to CU this Saturday with the Wandering Sons, playing an early (7 p.m.) show for $10 (in advance, $12 the day of the show). Some new material is now out in the form of the Cabin Ghosts EP, with some of those tracks available to preview at myspace. com/thewanderingsons. Another campus choice for those on a budget (especially with a UIUC ID) is the Courtyard Café in the Illini Union. What this place lacks in common venue perks such as parking and alcohol and stages that aren’t measured from the floor in inches is made up for by enthusiastic student booking personnel on the hunt for cool bills. On Saturday night at 8 p.m., the Courtyard will offer up a show featuring fantastic DeKalb outfit Light Pollution in the headlining position. Ryan Groff of Elsinore will perform just ahead of LP, while touring bands Greycoats (Minneapolis) and

Loquat (San Francisco) will kick things off. Cover for this show is $5 unless you’re packing your ID (which will get you down to $3). Texas indie rockers (and Touch and Go Records band) The New Year will stop at the Highdive on Sunday as part of a ramp-up tour before heading over to Europe for three weeks (much like Headlights). The band is the brainchild of Matt and Bubba Kandane, once the might behind the band Bedhead. The infectious writing continues with The New Year, who you’ll find at the Highdive alongside Oklahoma City band The Uglysuit (also about to hit Europe) and locals Sunset Stallion. And then there’s GWAR. At the Canopy Club. On a Wednesday. Awesome. Keep an eye out next Thursday for more info on the Cowboy Monkey show featuring Elsinore, Post Historic and Chicago outfit Oh My God, which now features former CU musician (Temple of Low Men) and current Chicago recording engineer Anthony Gravino. I made my first official trip of the fall to Curtis Orchard last weekend because I wanted some tiny pumpkins. And apple donuts. I had to stand in a long line for the donuts (totally worth it), only to find once I arrived at the donut station that I was supposed to have paid for them already at the register. Argh. I looked in vain for a sign of some sort. Negative. Don’t waste 15 minutes like I did. Now you know the secret to getting donuts more quickly. Also, don’t bother with the corn maze at this point as it is already in shambles (and featuring incredibly short corn in the places that haven’t been trampled by idiots).

Images used with permission from Myspace.com OCT 16 – OCT 22 08

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MAX PAYNE PG13 DLP (11:00 FRI-SUN) 1:30 2:00 4:45 5:30 7:15 8:00 9:45 (11:00 12:00AM FRI/SAT) W. PG13 DLP (11:00 AM FRI-SUN) 1:45 4:15 7:00 9:30 (12:00 FRI-SUN) SECRET LIFE OF BEES PG13 DLP (11:00 AM FRI-SUN) 1:30 4:30 7:00 9:30 (12:00 FRI/SAT) ALL TOGETHER NOW NR DLP 4:30 7:00 9:30 MON SEX DRIVE R DLP (11:00 AM FRI-SUN) 1:15 4:30 7:00 9:35 (12:00 FRI/SAT) CITY OF EMBER PG DLP (11:00 AM FRI-SUN) 1:30 (7:15 NO MON) THE DUTCHESS PG13 DLP 1:30 4:00 7:00 9:30 CIRQUE DU SOLEIL NR DLP SPECIAL EVENT $20 11:00 SAT/SUN BODY OF LIES R DLP (11:00 AM FRI-SUN) 1:45 4:45 8:00 (11:00 FRI/SAT) QUARANTINE R DLP NO DISC (11:00 AM FRI-SUN) 1:45 4:30 7:00 9:15 (12:00AM FRI/SAT) ROYAL OPERA SERIES:CARMEN NR DLP SPECIAL EVENT $15 1:00 SUNDAY FIGHT CLUB R DLP 12:00AM FRI/SAT) APPALOOSA R DLP (11:00 AM FRI-SUN) 1:30 4:15 7:00 9:30 (12:00AM FRI/SAT) THE EXPRESS PG13 DLP (11:00 AM FRI-SUN) 1:45 4:20 7:00 9:45 BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA PG DLP (11:00 AM FRI-SUN) 1:45 4:50 7:20 9:40 (12:00AM FRI/SAT) NICK & NORAHS INFINITE PLAYLIST PG13 DLP NO DISC (11:00 AM FRI-SUN) 1:30 3:45 5:50 8:00 (10:30 FRI/SAT) HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS... R DLP (4:30 9:35 NO MON) (12:00AM FRI-SUN) BLINDNESS R DLP (11:00 AM FRI-SUN) 1:45 (7:30 NO WED) FRIGHT FEST: FRIDAY THE 13TH R DLP 9:00 TUE/THU NIGHTS IN RODANTHE PG13 DLP (11:00 FRI-SUN) (1:30 NO SUN) 4:30 7:15 9:45 (12:00AM FRI/SAT) EAGLE EYE PG13 DLP (11:00 AM FRI-SUN) 1:55 5:00 8:00 (10:40 FRI/SAT) FIREPROOF PG DLP (11:00 AM FRI-SUN) 1:30 4:00 7:00 9:30 (12:00AM FRI/SAT) MIRACLE AT ST.ANNA R DLP 4:15 NO WED) 10:00 LAKEVIEW TERRACE PG13 DLP NO DISC 1:45 4:15 (7:00 NO WED) 9:30 LEAVE IT TO BEAVER PG DLP FREE CARMIKE KID SERIES 11:00 SAT DUCK SOUP NR DLP CARMIKE CLASSIC FILM SERIES 1:00 7:00 TUE/THU

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by Syd Slobodnik The Express Writer/director Kathryn Bigelowâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 1987 ďŹ lm Near Dark is a uniquely styled and original cinematic gem that received too little recognition when it was released. Bigelow and her co-screenwriter, Eric Red, created a refreshing blend of a vampire/horror ďŹ lm mixed with various country/Western action conventions and an oddly appealing romance. Its slow and patiently realized narrative concerns a modern-day family of nomadic vampires who roam the Southwestern U.S. Adrian Pasdar stars as Caleb Cotton, a young pickup-driving cowboy who picks up Mae (Jenny Wright), a petite and sexy blond gal who turns out to be a member of this vampire clan. Once bitten, Caleb gradually transforms into the early stages of a bloodsucking beast, and because of his human moral conscience, Mae must train him to do his essential killings to sustain his newfound appetite for blood. Along the way, Mae develops a loving relationship with Caleb as she entices him to join her in an immortal eternity together. Many of the ďŹ lmâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s costars are icons of â&#x20AC;&#x2122;80s action ďŹ lms (three previously appeared in Cameronâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Aliens). The cultâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s leader is a scared and leatherfaced guy named Jesse, who is wonderfully played by the stoic Lance Henriksen; his gal pal is the buxom Diamondback, played by Jenette Goldstein and the groupâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s loose cannon wildboy, Severen, is played with

Solid and dramatic sports entertainment but nothing you havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t already seen. Body of Lies DiCaprio. Crowe. And Ridley Scott. Do you really need more incentive? Religulous Speaking in tongue-in-cheek: Maher gives religion a royal roast. Praise him! Blindness A grim look into human nature in Meirellesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; new dramatic thriller. Nick and Norahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s InďŹ nite Playlist You would expect more laughs coming from the usually hilarious Cera. gusto by the always underappreciated Bill Paxton. Bigelow creates an odd sort of sympathy for the vampire clan and ďŹ lls the tale with lots of stylish action sequences, including a brawl in a redneck bar, a noir-ish shoot-out with police in a rural motel and a showdown battle in a deserted town street. Near Dark is not a great ďŹ lm by any measure, but its entertaining blend of genre conventions, action and gore make for a perfect Halloween ďŹ lm viewing.

Beverly Hills Chihuahua Few may be saying â&#x20AC;&#x153;yo quiero refund,â&#x20AC;? but most will enjoy. Eagle Eye Some decent thrills save the ridiculous plot from being too far-fetched.

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YouTube Pick of the Week Sarah Palin Disney Trailer by Hallie Borden

The all-too-real possibility of Sarah Palin in the White House has many shaking in their boots and even more spoofing her accent and overwhelming use of the word â&#x20AC;&#x153;maverick.â&#x20AC;? Spawning off of Matt Damonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s famous quote that â&#x20AC;&#x153;a Sarah Palin presidency would be like a really bad Disney movie,â&#x20AC;? the folks at College Humor decided to bring flick to fruition. Well, at least the trailer. According to

them, in the event of McCainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s election and not-so-unlikely death in office, Palin would be left with little more than the strategies she learned on the ice rink and in the locker room. The humor of the Alaskan hockey mom in office can be appreciated from either side of the partisan line, so red or blue, go ahead and check it out. YouTube or College Humor search â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sarah Palin Disney Trailer.â&#x20AC;?

/: $2).+ WITH PURCHASE OF OZ BAG OF BUTTERY POPCORN ONE PER AD

OCT 16 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; OCT 22 08

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come and get it

buzz movies & tv 9

MOVIE SHOWDOWN What you should watch next weekend by Matt Carey

High School the Musical 3

zVS.z Saw V Used with permission from Disney Enterprises, Inc.

Used with permission from Lionsgate

Kids from the age of three to thirteen. Anyone above that age is suffering from regression and should see a doctor immediately.

Core Audience

Adults over the age of 18 who enjoy horror ﬁlms. Also the weirdos who just like to watch people die on screen will love this movie. But sadly, they’re less pathetic than adult High School Musical fans.

The ﬁrst one was nothing more than a Grease copy off so I can’t imagine the second is much better.

Prior Film Credibility

This series is filled with annoying teenagers who can sing and dance but can’t act to save their lives. I watched the first High School Musical and nearly threw up in the process I was so upset. According to IMDB this has a budget of $33 million so apparently Disney is sparing no expense at warping the minds of America’s children. This series has become a cultural phenomenon and with this film’s looming box office success, this will ultimately be packaged with Hannah Montana and Camp Rock as some of the stupidest fads people ever enjoyed. This flick will no doubt be filled with pop songs that will be played on the radio for months to come. But if you like the music you could probably watch the movie more than once.

Cast

a a a

The first four are all pretty similar, but the twists, while nonsensical, are pretty surprising, and the elaborate traps take some creativity. These films are also filled with terrible actors, but at least with this series, the actors are onscreen for no more than 10 minutes before they die.

Shot on a shoestring budget, this looks like it was shot in my basement. I’ve seen pornos with better production values.

Production Values

While this will be remembered as the successful return of the horror genre’s box ofﬁce potential, ultimately, Saw V will be as remembered as Halloween 5.

Cultural Signiﬁcance

Rewatchability

The Saw series is completely based on having unpredictable twist endings that, to be honest, usually don’t make much sense. Much like the majority of horror ﬁlms, seeing it once is enough.

Grating voices with annoying pop songs that make the Backstreet Boys albums look like Mozart, for 90 minutes.

Likeliness of being a Good Film

Intricate traps make blood splatter, which makes the audience cheer. In the end, the killer inevitably gets away, and there’s a perfect set up for Saw VI. Hey, at least it doesn’t annoy me, and I can sleep at night knowing I didn’t give money to the evil empire known as Disney.

Final Score:

THE VERDICT:

aaa HSM 3

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While it’s nearly guaranteed that Saw V will be a bad movie, I still can’t foresee HSM 3 being worth paying money for. Plus HSM 3 depresses me because it leaves me wondering why children’s programming has stooped so low. But kids these days love it, so they must be doing something right (what happened to the days of good children shows such as Doug or Hey Arnold?).

Final Score:

aaaa Saw V

OCT 16 – OCT 22 08

art Life in a Dying City

Events in Verse

Iraq made personal at the Station Theatre by Lauren Yang

hree characters, two actors and one unexpected visit revealing a web of anger, loss and grief — this is American playwright Christopher Shinn’s Dying City, set to begin its run at the Station Theatre Oct. 16. Through a series of scenes alternating between past and present, Shinn demonstrates the effect of the war in Iraq while using characters’ tense relationships to reveal their personal problems and damaged pasts. “It’s a quiet play and also somewhat devastating,” said director Gary Ambler. “The material is truly intimate, and in order to create an environment for it to exist in, you have to pull people in rather than shout at them.” The play delves into the nuances of human nature by examining the relationships among Craig (the diseased scholar-turned-soldier), Kelly (his wife, a therapist) and Peter (his identical twin brother). Scenes set in the present revolve around the dynamics between Kelly and Peter, transitioning seamlessly into exchanges between Craig and Kelly before his deployment roughly a year before. This infrastructure enables actor Mike Prosise to portray both brothers, giving the play an interesting twist. Prosise said the characters’ polar personalities — Craig has more weight and intensity to him while Peter, an actor, is more sensitive and less reserved — and Shinn’s writing style aided him in alternating between the two characters. “The script is paced so beautifully,” Prosise said. “The beginning of each scene sets up the body, so

ace

Photo by Drake Baer

it’s easy for me to say the lines and get in the mindset, and then they usually end with a punch that helps me set up for the next one.” Shinn’s realistic and precisely written dialogue also permits the actors to capitalize on what’s not being said, adding another layer to the play’s intricacy. “This play is not as straightforward as a lot of shows,” said Martha Mills, who plays Kelly. “A lot is done with body language and silences. Every single movement is something.” Dying City’s subtlety extends beyond the use of nonverbal communication into the play’s underlying issues. On the surface, it seems to be dealing with the political ramiﬁcations of the war in Iraq and Sept. 11, yet Mills said that it is not overtly political. “It focuses more on loss and the things that come from grief and how people are affected,” she said. Prosise agreed that loss is one of the important themes of the play and said that even that is more of a surface issue. “More than that, it’s also about violence and how it’s present in people’s lives without them knowing,” he said. “The characters are pretty passive-aggressive, which is a lot more realistic type violence handed down to people these days.” Regardless of what issue speaks most to audience members, Ambler said that Dying City is a play that needs to be heard right now and hopes that people will talk about it. “Good theater lets people understand themselves better,” Ambler said. “I think this play can do this.”

An ode to our current economic state by Erik Johnson brains adult dour our of bility sensi full the in brokers ulated unreg free the of theories economy market trade then can we

| DANCE 2XS CALIENTE $20 tickets at www.40north.org or 351.9841

UIUC LATIN JAZZ ENSEMBLE

40 North | 88 West

AWARDS

................................................

Thurs, October 23, 5:30pm | The Highdive photo by bill wiegand

4th annual awards ceremony celebrating outstanding contributions to Champaign County's Arts, Culture and Entertainment. 7 winners

complimentary mojitos and tapas

Champaign County Arts, Culture & Entertainment Council

OCT 16 – OCT 22 08

live music & salsa lessons

The 7 ACE Awards categories: media arts education advocacy business spotlight creative community service and lifetime achievement. n

with thanks to these sponsors: The News-Gazette, One Main Development, Andy Warfel Envirodesign, Psymbolic Visual Communications, The Highdive, English Hedgerow, ID3 Atlanta, Cody Sokolski & Marci Dodds, Ratio Architects, Bacardi, Eastland Suites Hotel & Conference Center, Illini Studio, Dean's Graphics Division. Additional support by Atkins Group, the City of Champaign, the Champaign County Convention and Visitors Bureau, and the University of Illinois. This program is partially supported by a grant from the Illinois Arts Council, a state agency.

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OCT 16 – OCT 22 08

front & center

F s ’ n g i R a p m a

l a y o

he dressing room of Chester Street Bar is where caterpillar becomes butterﬂy each Sunday night as drag performers apply heavy makeup, carefully glue on facial hair and adjust wigs in preparation for their transition from street to stage. The space itself is well-hidden, tucked carefully in the upstairs corner of the club. The worn, outdated carpet feels sticky from blackened gum, and if you look closely, it glitters ... but it isn’t a castle folks are coming to see; it’s the show. As many drag performers are well aware, there exists a great deal of ignorance about drag balls/ shows and what it means to be a drag king or queen. The origins of the word “drag” are debated but have been said to date back to ancient Rome and Shakespearean theater. A literature teacher told me that the word “drag” arose when Shakespearean actors (who were wearing women’s clothing to impersonate female characters) were forced to cut holes in the backs of their elaborate costumes in order to easily pull them up when walking so as not to catch them on a loose nail when dragging on the ﬂoor. Others say “drag” comes from Shakespeare writing “DRAG” next to the names of the actors who were “dressed as a girl.” Regardless of its birthplace, however, it should be noted that the term “drag” usually refers to an impersonation of a gender for entertainment purposes. The majority of queens and kings are performers who dance and lip sync in costume. Their identity as a drag performer reveals little about their sexuality or gender identity outside of the show. That is to say, “drag king/ queen” does not necessarily mean “transgendered” nor is it a marker of sexual orientation, transexuality or

OCT 16 – OCT 22 08

y l i m a

eet r t S C f o s n quee

nd att Harlan a s g in Illustration by M Thehek l Storm by Rac

“gender-bending,” all of which relate more generally to a lifestyle outside of stage performance (although, contemporary gender scholar Judith Butler would add that gender is always a performance). Point-blank, everyone does drag for a different reason, and C-Street’s drag stars are no exception. “I used to be anti-drag,” laughed Chester Street’s headlining queen Ceduxion (aka Marcus), who, away from the limelight, lives as a gay male; he has been doing drag shows for nearly a decade. For Ceduxion, becoming a queen happened by accident when at a drag pageant, he was asked to ﬁll in for a contestant who didn’t show. Long story short, Ceduxion stole the gold and soon after learned that she was obligated to perform for a year and that the show was a preliminary for a state competition, where she later took fourth place. “Drag supports multi-personality disorder,” she joked. “Ceduxion is more conﬁdent than Marcus.” Whether it’s a queen or king show, performers are backstage laughing, dancing, drinking and generally having a good time, making it hard to remember that for some, this is a paid job. “It’s like Halloween every Sunday,” drag king JJ Conner explained. “This is one place where we can congregate and not worry about dumbasses that say you can’t go into that bathroom because you have short hair.” Everyone brings something different to the show. While many of the kings perform hip-hop or rap, king Marcus Freemont puts on an ’80s punk-pop show. “I’m a king of a whole new breed,” she grinned, pulling a tattoo shirt over her head. The costume isn’t all it takes to get ready; many choreograph movements, drill music or get themselves pumped for the stage. “I take two lemon shots back-to-back right before I

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go on stage,” Marcus Freemont said with a laugh. “It doesn’t get me drunk, but it takes the edge off.” Sasha, a drag queen, explained that she kisses her best friend, drag queen Mya, before the show starts. Both Sasha and Mya explained that they are M2F (male to female) transexuals and drag queens. Both women are taking hormones to facilitate their transitions and have serious plans of undergoing sex-change operations. Their transexual and drag queen identities overlap, and both queens said that post-operation, they would continue to perform at drag shows as queens. In instances like these, the lines between stage performance and real-life gender performance are further blurred. C-Street’s Amateur Night, which occurs the first Sunday of every month, brings in performers from Chicago to New Orleans. Although weekends are designated for hosting either strictly king or queen shows, the lineup depends on who comes to perform. The audience judges the performers, and the winner goes home $75 richer, not including tips. It makes you wonder if “drag queen” ever winds up on a resume. But for some, it isn’t about the money. “What inspires me is knowing that in my day to day, I make a difference,” explained Dymond-Champagne Calloway, a queen who made her second appearance at the C-Street’s Oct. 5 Amateur Night. “Whether it’s in a wig and heels or a T-shirt and jeans.” Creating a unique stage persona often begins by generating a name for oneself. Mr. Frasty (freaknasty), a heterosexual male who performs as himself, attributes his energy and open-mindedness to growing up in a gay family, explaining that, “gay

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people really know how to party.” An Amateur-night regular, Frasty describes his stage persona as “100 percent me at my fullest.” Some consider their performance self a separate personality or a character role to be performed. Others don’t distinguish between limelight and daylight and may not be putting on a costume at all. As Kia, another queen, explained, “It’s all a part of me.” So why are gay bars like C-Street some of the only places where drag shows can be found, especially if sexuality and drag have little to do with one another? The answer is simple: Gay bars aren’t just for gay and lesbian clubbers but rather a space for the free exercise of gender expression. C-Street isn’t a “gay” bar so much as it’s an “alternative bar,” a home for those who’d like to check discrimination and prejudices at the door. No matter what gender category you find yourself in, everyone is welcome. According to the International Lesbian and Gay Association, a compiling of reported hate crimes issued this past July revealed that hate has claimed the lives of more than 10 transpeople already this year. For many violators of so-called gender norms, being oneself takes exceptional courage. Yet the consensus among C-Street’s performers is, above all, to be true to yourself. “Open the doors to your prison if you want to be free,” said C-Bird, the Oct. 5 Amateur Night champion. “You can’t fly if you’re heavy.” “To thine own self, be true” is the mantra, and its echo resonates with me even now. To learn more about upcoming drag extravaganzas at Chester Street Bar, visit their Web site at http://www.chesterstreetbar.com. To find out how you can support the International Lesbian and Gay Association, visit them at http://www.ilga.org.

OCT 16 – OCT 22 08

calendar

Complete listing available at

Submit your event to the calendar:

Online: forms available at the217.com/calendar • E-mail: send your notice to calendar@the217.com • Fax: 337-8328, addressed to the217 calendar Snail mail: send printed materials via U.S. Mail to: the217 calendar, Illini Media, 512 E. Green St., Champaign, IL 61820 • Call: 531-1456 if you have a question or to leave a message about your event.

THUR, OCT 16

art

Nature Walk Series Champaign Public Library, live music C, 9:45am, 10:45am U of I #4 Big Band Each week, make a craft Iron Post, U, 7pm and take home a free John McMahon book. The Embassy Tavern & Baby Time Grill, U, 7:30pm, no cover Douglass Branch Library, Sudden Sound Concert C, 10:30am — Trio X Drop in for this weekly Krannert Art Museum program of lap bouncing, museum exhibit nursery rhymes, music, and Kinkead Pavilion, C, 7:30pm Children Just Like Me and play time for the litBig Naturals Spurlock Museum, U tlest ones. Rosebowl Tavern, Ltd., Children Just Like Me ARTfusion U, 9pm is an exhibit that invites Douglass Branch Library, Andy Moreillon young museum visitors C, 4pm Memphis on Main, C, to learn about the diverChildren of all ages can 9pm sity of world cultures by come out to the Douglass Man Man meeting peers who live in Branch and make a craft Canopy Club, U, 9pm, $12 different countries around any Thursday afternoon. in advance the globe. mind/body/ Santa/Kirkland/Hark the lectures spirit Herald Mike ‘n’ Molly’s, C, 9pm, “Dispatches From the Chinese Health Qigong $3 New Hollywood” — A Activities and Recreation Zorbas Jazz Conversation with Lynn Center (ARC), C, 9am, Zorba’s, C, 9:30pm, $3 Harris 1pm Hathaways IPRH — Illinois Program Qi-gong is a body-mind Cowboy Monkey, C, for Research in Humaniexercise that has been 9:30pm, $5 ties, U, 12pm used in China for cenA talk with Lynn Harris, turies for purposes of dj Executive Vice President of health, wellness and Disco Thursdays Production, Warner Bros. stress management and Fallon’s Ice House Tavern, “Inside Hollywood — Notes healing. C, 6pm on the Art and Business of Meditation & Yoga DJ Halfdead Film Production” Classes Radmaker’s Rock & Roll Allen Hall, U, 9pm Ananda Liina Yoga & Tavern, Tolono, 8pm Please join us for this pre- Meditation Center, U, Free Swing Dance sentation and Q&A ses6pm McKinley Presbyterian sion with Lynn Harris. Learn and practice yoga Church and Foundation, postures and exercises, literary C, 9:30pm mantra chanting, meditaDJ Bob Bass Garbage Land Author Talk tion and the wisdom of Soma Ultralounge, C, Parkland College, C, 10am yoga philosophy. 10pm social issues miscellaneous DJ Belly Boltini Lounge, C, Freedom to Vote: Protect- Japan House Tours 10:30pm ing the Ballot Japan House, U, 1pm Champaign Public Library, Free to the public, no resdance music C, 7pm ervations required. Country DJ and Line The Champaign County The Bike Project Open Dancing Lessons chapter of the AmeriShop Hours Radmaker’s Rock & Roll can Civil Liberties Union Urbana-Champaign InTavern, Tolono, 8pm will show a video on the dependent Media Center, Friday Salsa Cafe struggle for equal balU, 6pm Bar Guiliani, C, 9pm lot access, followed by Check out the tools and speaker Colleen Conwork stands you can use karaoke nell, constitutional law to ﬁx your own bike and Karaoke and DJ attorney and Executive tour their massive collecTumble Inn Tavern, C, Director of the ACLU of tion of parts, spares and 8:30pm Illinois. used bikes. Karaoke Germany Coffee Hour volunteer Senator’s Bar & Grill, SaCosmopolitan Club at the voy, 9pm Habitat for Humanity: A University of Illinois, C, Day Without a Home 7:30pm movies The Quad, U, donations Coffee, tea, and homeKorean Movie Night accepted made ethnic desserts are Chemistry Annex, U, 6pm The event aims to inform served. The Chaser (2008), a students, faculty and the food & drink tensely-paced thriller. community about the growing problem regard- Krannert Uncorked stage ing substandard housing Krannert Center for the Cutting (Social) Class in the Champaign-Urbana Performing Arts, U, 5pm Armory Free Theatre, C, vicinity. Beverages may be tasted 5:30pm, 8pm free of charge and will A discussion with the au- kids & families be available for purchase dience follows. Discovery Room by the glass at a special Dying City Savoy Recreational Cendiscounted price during The Station Theatre, U, ter, Savoy, $2/Residents the tasting. No tickets 8pm, $12 and Members, $3/NR required. Ages crawling-7. Tea ceremony demonstration at Krannert Museum Krannert Art Museum and Kinkead Pavilion, C, 5:30pm Tea ceremony conducted by Kimiko Gunji, director of Japan House UI.

OCT 16 – OCT 22 08

FRI, OCT 17 live music Jeff Helgesen Quintet/ Vvvv with Dan Hubbard and The Humadors Iron Post, U, 5pm Happy Hour and Live Music Silvercreek, U, 5pm Live Jazz w/ Panache Jim Gould Restaurant, C, 7pm “Must See” Comedy Event featuring Maria Bamford and Doug Benson Illini Union, U, 8pm, $3 Student/$5 Public Featuring Maria Bamford (Comedy Central Presents) and Doug Benson (Vh1’s Best Week Ever and NBC’s Last Comic Standing) in the Illini Union Ballroom. Audience capacity will be 550 people. Greg Baker and His Neon Neighbors Huber’s West End Store, C, 8pm X-Krush Radmaker’s Rock & Roll Tavern, Tolono, 9pm Ian Presswood Memphis on Main, C, 9pm Lucky Boys Confusion Canopy Club, U, 9pm, $12 in advance Andy Moreillon The Embassy Tavern & Grill, U, 9pm, no cover charge The Impalas featuring Dawna Nelson The Clark Bar, C, 9pm Friday Night Funk Night at Zorba’s Zorba’s, C, 9:30pm The Show Urbana-Champaign Independent Media Center, U, 10pm The Show is a 2 hour live radio program broadcast on WRFU-LP, Urbana 104.5 FM every Friday @ 10 PM. Ian Procell, DJ ReFlex, D.O.M. Boltini Lounge, C, 10pm

dj DJ and Dancing Joe’s Brewery, C, 8:30pm, $5 cover Country Dancing at Bradley’s II Bradley’s II, C, 9pm, $5 cover charge DJ Delayney Radio Maria, C, 10pm, no cover DJ and Dancing Highdive, C, 10pm, $5, no cover before 11 with student ID DJ Tim Williams Soma Ultralounge, C, 10pm, $5 cover

karaoke Karaoke Senator’s Bar & Grill, Savoy, 9pm Karaoke with DJ Hollywood Wendl’s, U, 9pm

THE217.COM/ CALENDAR

SAT, OCT 18 live music

Live Jazz w/ Panache Jim Gould Restaurant, C, 7pm Barb Hamilton Duo The Embassy Tavern & stage Grill, U, 5:30pm Dying City Justin Townes Earle The Station Theatre, U, Highdive, C, 7:30pm 8pm, $15 Bob, Dan, & Joni Huber’s West End Store, museum exhibit C, 8pm Children Just Like Me Light Pollution Spurlock Museum, U Courtyard Cafe - Illini Children Just Like Me Union, U, 8pm, $3 Stuis an exhibit that invites dent/$5 Public young museum visitors Light Pollution performs to learn about the diverfeaturing Ryan Groff, sity of world cultures by Loquat, Greycoats and meeting peers who live in Kicked Off Edison. different countries around M.P.H. the globe. The Embassy Tavern & Grill, U, 9pm lectures GTO & The Glasspaks Rosebowl Tavern, Ltd., Friday Forum: “Fixing Illinois Politics: Con—Con, U, 9pm Little Brazil / 1090 Club / the 2008 Elections and New Ruins Beyond” Mike ‘n’ Molly’s, C, 9pm, $3 University YMCA, C, Big Grove Zydeco 12pm Iron Post, U, 9pm A talk by Kent Redﬁeld, Professor Emeritus, Departdj ment of Political Science, DJ and Dancing Illinois State University. Joe’s Brewery, C, 8:30pm, kids & families $5 cover Discovery Room DJ Tim Williams Savoy Recreational CenHighdive, C, 10pm, $5 ter, Savoy, $2/Residents (students free before and Members, $3/NR 10:30pm) Ages crawling-7. Hot 105.5 Fall College Tales for Twos Bash Douglass Branch Library, Canopy Club, U, 10pm, C, 10:30am $10 Enjoy stories, songs, and Student ID required for movement activities for entry. children aged two, with a DJ Mertz caregiver. Boltini Lounge, C, 10pm Mask Making Kosmo at Soma Douglass Branch Library, Soma Ultralounge, C, C, 4pm 10pm Children can use their DJ Mingram imaginations and show off Cowboy Monkey, C, their creativity by creating 10pm, $2 a unique mask. Saturday is Distinto y Diferente wpgu Great Impasta, C, 11pm, McKinley Foundation $3 a person or $5 a Pre-game Event couple McKinley Presbyterian Music by DJ Andriano Church and Foundation, with Mambo Italiano. C, 4pm dance music Come out for trivia contests, musical chairs, bags, Radio Salsa and many other games. Radio Maria, C, 10pm, $3 Winners of the various Salsa, Merengue, Bachata competitions can snag Illini music & dancing w/ DJ football tickets! Also, there Bris. will be free food and drinks. karaoke Illini Hockey Ice Arena, C, 7:30pm, $6 Karaoke for Illinois students and Senator’s Bar & Grill, Sa$8 for the public voy, 9pm Come out to the Ice Arena Liquid Courage Karaoke to watch the game as well Geo’s, U, 9pm as win cool prizes, play fun games, participate in crazy stage competitions, and much Dying City more. The Station Theatre, U, 8pm, $15

The Green House Fashion Show ILLINI UNION, OCT. 18, 6 P.M.

As “Project Runway” proved with its organic materials challenge last season, you can go green and still look chic. Drawing its inspiration from this concept, Runway, the new fashion RSO on campus, presents The Green House Fashion Show. The group’s ﬁrst ever fashion show will feature unique designs made entirely of recyclable material. The festivities start at 6 p.m., and there will be a performance by Organic Flow as well. Tickets are $5 in advance or $8 at the door.

museum exhibit

wpgu

Children Just Like Me Spurlock Museum, U Children Just Like Me is an exhibit that invites young museum visitors to learn about the diversity of world cultures by meeting peers who live in different countries around the globe.

Illini Hockey Ice Arena, C, 7:30pm, $6 for Illinois students and $8 for the public Come to the Ice Arena to watch the game as well as win cool prizes, play fun games, participate in crazy competitions, and much more.

fashion

miscellaneous

The Green House Fashion Show Illini Union, U, 6pm, $5 at the Union or $8 at the door Runway, a fashion organization here at University of Illinois, is debuting its ﬁrst fashion show ever, right here at the Union! In this show, we are going green, which includes very unique creations and designs made entirely out of recyclable material.

Japan House Tours Japan House, U, 1pm The Bike Project Open Shop Hours Urbana-Champaign Independent Media Center, U, 2pm Check out the tools and work stands you can use to ﬁx your own bike and tour their massive collection of parts, spares and used bikes.

fundraisers

Green View Fall Fest Seminars Greenview Landscaping Co. — Nursery, C, 10am The event will feature free seminars and walking tours. Home Movie Day 2008 Urbana Free Library, U, 11am Home Movie Day will offer a “film clinic” for assessing the condition of older films, information about how to care for family films and videos, and, best of all, continuous screenings of home movies brought by participants.

Huge Book Sale: Pages for Pennies Urbana-Champaign Independent Media Center, U, 8:30am Sharad Saavan Wesley-United Methodist Church & Wesley Foundation, U, 5:30pm Asha-UC invites you, your family, and your friends to come join us for an evening of cultural performances followed by a delicious, warm, homecooked Indian dinner.

classes & workshops

come and get it

buzz calendar 15 food & drink

social issues

museum exhibit

Post-Football Game Parties Alice Campbell Alumni Center, U The football parties will be held at the Alice Campbell Alumni Center on the Urbana Campus in conjunction with every home game throughout the fall season. Sensational Saturday: Simply Shiraz! Sun Singer Wine & Spirits, C, 12pm Sun Singer offers complimentary wine tastings every Saturday afternoon between noon and 3:45pm.

YWCA Week Without Violence Events The Quad, U, 1pm, free Anti-War Anti-Racism Effort Meeting Urbana-Champaign Independent Media Center, U, 5pm AWARE meets every Sunday 5-7pm at UC Independent Media Center.

Children Just Like Me Spurlock Museum, U Children Just Like Me is an engaging, hands-on exhibit that invites young museum visitors to learn about the diversity of world cultures by meeting peers who live in different countries around the globe.

tion, will present a powerful presentation about the demand and effects of pornography and prostitution.

kids & families

open mic Original Music Showcase Espresso Royale, U, 8pm Musicians are encouraged to participate and to showcase their original material. Open Mic Night Memphis on Main, C, 8pm Open Mic Night Cowboy Monkey, C, 10pm Hosted by Mike Ingram.

Discovery Room Savoy Recreational Center, Savoy, $2/Residents and Members, $3/NR Ages crawling-7. O Baby! fundraisers lectures Champaign Public Library, movies UC Books to Prisoners Celebrating the European C, 9:45am, 10:30am work session Union Week: Opening Drop in any Monday Film Screening: The Flute Urbana-Champaign InPanel Discussion: “The for twenty minutes of Player dependent Media Center, Future of the EU” lap bouncing, nursery Spurlock Museum, U, U, 12pm Alice Campbell Alumni rhymes, music activities, 7pm UC Books to Prisoners is Center, U, 2pm easy listening, and play This one-hour documenan Urbana, IL based project Living with Lincoln: A time for the littlest ones. tary focuses on the life providing books to Illinois Speaker Series and work of Cambodian SUN, OCT 19 inmates at no cost. Volun- Illini Union Bookstore, C, TUE, OCT 21 musician and internationteer at the work session. 3pm ally recognized human live music Huge Book Sale: Pages Jerrold Ziff Distinguished live music rights leader Arn ChornBrunch w/ Panache for Pennies Lecture on Modern Art Boltini Bingo and Lounge Pond, who survived the Jim Gould Restaurant, C, Urbana-Champaign InKrannert Art Museum Variety Show Khmer Rouge Killing 10am dependent Media Center, and Kinkead Pavilion, C, Boltini Lounge, C, 6:45pm, Fields as a boy and works Emerald Rum U, 11am 5:30pm no cover today as a peacemaker Blind Pig Co., The, C, 5pm FriendShop Used Book A talk by Fred Tomaselli, Acoustic Tuesday with and the founder of CamGeorge Turner Store Open a major New York artist Jeremy Harper bodian Living Arts. Iron Post, U, 6pm Champaign Public Library, speaking about his work. Memphis on Main, C, stage Wayne (The Train) C, 1:30pm 7:30pm, no cover social issues Hancock The Library Friends sell Jeff Kerr and Billy Galt Cutting (Social) Class Rosebowl Tavern, Ltd., used books for $1 or less, PBS TV’s RoadTrip Nation The Embassy Tavern & Pennsylvania Avenue ResU, 8pm plus CDs, videos, and Grill, U, 8pm visits the South Quad idence Hall, U, 8pm The New Year DVDs for $1.50, along The Piano Man The Quad, U, 9am A discussion with the auHighdive, C, 9pm, $12 with unique gift items. All Visit the green RV on Canopy Club, U, 9pm dience follows. sales beneﬁt the library. Corn Desert Ramblers the south quad for freeconcert art Rosebowl Tavern, Ltd., bies and information on miscellaneous Broken Social Scene Hands-on Japanese RoadTrip Nation’s student U, 9pm Foellinger Auditorium, U, The Bike Project Open Papermaking Demonstratravel grants designed en12pm Shop Hours tion courage students to par- concert UI Philharmonia Urbana-Champaign InKrannert Art Museum ticipate and discover their American Boychoir Krannert Center for the dependent Media Center, own roads in life based on McKinley Presbyterian and Kinkead Pavilion, C, Performing Arts, U, 3pm, U, 2pm 12pm individuality, passion and Church and Foundation, $10, $7 seniors, $4 stuCheck out the tools and C, 7pm, $15 adults; $10 Demonstration of Japaexploration. dents work stands you can use The Allure and Violence seniors; $5 students and nese papermaking by Mr. Marching Illini in Concert to ﬁx your own bike and children Tamura, master paperof Pornography at Assembly Hall tour their massive collec- University YMCA, C, maker. karaoke Assembly Hall, C, 3pm, tion of parts, spares and 12pm museum exhibit $7-$9 used bikes. Ross Wantland of the Liquid Courage Karaoke UI Chamber Singers Office of Women’s ProGeo’s, U, 9pm Children Just Like Me Krannert Center for MON, OCT 20 grams, in partnership Karaoke with Randy Spurlock Museum, U the Performing Arts, U, with Rachael Durschlag Miller Children Just Like Me is an live music 7:30pm, $10, $7 seniors, of Chicago Alliance Bentley’s Pub, C, 9:30pm engaging, hands-on exhibit $4 students Jazz Jam Hosted by MRS Against Sexual Exploitathat invites young museum Trio auditions Iron Post, U, 7pm Auditions for Martin FingaLickin McDonagh’s The Cripple The Embassy Tavern & of Inishmaan Grill, U, 8pm The Station Theatre, U, Monday Night Miracle 12pm with Zmick Director Mathew Green Canopy Club, U, 9pm will cast several parts, dj requiring men and Nekromancy women ages 16 to 60. 9pm–10pm 10pm–11pm Auditions will consist of Chester Street, C, 9pm, $2 ‘80s night with DJ readings from the play Your weekly destination for 60 minutes=60 songs. Mingram (scripts will be providjack-assery, tom foolery, 1 minute each. When you Highdive, C, 10pm ed). All are welcome, but bring your best Irish damn fool boobery. Turn us hear a new song, you know auditions accent! in and we’ll freak you out. what to do. Auditions for Martin museum exhibit McDonagh’s The Cripple Children Just Like Me of Inishmaan Spurlock Museum, U The Station Theatre, U, 7pm Children Just Like Me Director Mathew Green is an exhibit that invites will cast several parts, young museum visitors requiring men and women to learn about the diverages 16 — 60. Auditions sity of world cultures by will consist of readings meeting peers who live in from the play (scripts different countries around will be provided). All are the globe. welcome. Bring your best Irish accent.

visitors to learn about the diversity of world cultures by meeting peers who live in different countries around the globe.

Tractor Kings/The Cham- Halls, U, 8pm pionship A discussion with the auMike ‘n’ Molly’s, C, 9pm, dience follows. $3

museum exhibit

lectures

Country Dancing at Know Your University Bradley’s II Lecture: Japan House Bradley’s II, C, 9pm, $5 10th Anniversary cover University YMCA, C, DJ Bob Bass 12pm Highdive, C, 8pm, $3/$5 Celebrating the European after 10pm Union Week: Symposium DJ Bris “The Euro, the Dollar, Cowboy Monkey, C, 8pm and the Global Financial DJ LEGTWO Crisis” Boltini Lounge, C, 9pm Alice Campbell Alumni Reggae Night @ Barﬂy Center, U, 5pm Barﬂy, C, 10pm The Media and the Elec- Salsa Night with DJ Bris tion Cowboy Monkey, C, 10pm Levis Faculty Center/Visi- DJ Mingram tor’s Center, U, 7pm Soma Ultralounge, C, 10pm

mind/body/ spirit

concert

Tarot Card Readings Carmon’s Restaurant, C, 5pm, $15 Beginners’ Group Meditation Ananda Liina Yoga & Meditation Center, U, 6pm Learn and practice mantra chanting and meditation.

Storytelling Concert by Mike Speller Iron Post, U, 7pm, $5 UI Percussion Ensemble Krannert Center for the Performing Arts, U, 7:30pm, $10, $7 seniors, $4 students

WED, OCT 22

Paul Faber Dragon Karaoke The Embassy Tavern & Grill, U, 9pm Liquid Courage Karaoke Geovanti’s, C, 10pm

live music Donnie Heitler Great Impasta, C, 6pm Traditional Irish Music Session Bentley’s Pub, C, 7pm Steve Poltz at Sleepy Creek Vineyards Sleepy Creek Vineyards, Fairmount, 8pm, $15 Rocket Science At Senator’s Inn Pub Senator’s Bar & Grill, Savoy, 8pm Gwar with Special Guests Kingdom of Sorrow and Toxic Holocaust Canopy Club, U, 9pm, $18 in advance

karaoke

kids & families Discovery Room Savoy Recreational Center, Savoy, $2/Residents and Members, $3/NR Ages crawling-7. Around the World Wednesdays Spurlock Museum, U, 9:30am, donation of $2 per participant is requested.

miscellaneous The Bike Project Open Shop Hours Urbana-Champaign Independent Media Center, U, 6:30pm Check out the tools and work stands you can use to ﬁx your own bike and tour their massive collection of parts, spares and used bikes.

open mic Amateur Comedy Night Memphis on Main, C, 8:30pm Original material only. Open-Mic Night Radio Maria, C, 10:30pm

stage Dying City The Station Theatre, U, 8pm, $12 Cutting (Social) Class Illinois Street Residence

We’ll help you make some of life’s poorest decisions. Surfabilly Freakout

PGU Power Hour

Das Rock!

The Warzone

European voices and the best in live rock getting you ready for the bars.

The biggest party on the radio for all of your Thursday night needs. The jukebox of your afterhours.

11pm–12am

12am–3am

Sick of waiting in line at the bars? Tune in for our bar trafﬁc reports all night long.

www.the217.com

OCT 16 – OCT 22 08

This week

Kr annErT CEnTEr for ThE PErforming arTs

hamlet

Su Oct 19

in this vigorous, athletic production of shakespeare’s tragedy, the troubled Prince of Denmark wrestles with his rage and his conscience in a dangerous, icy court. shakespeare melds stunning poetry, characters, and circumstances to devise rich and lasting observations of the human condition. Th-sa oct 23-25 at 7:30pm; Th-sa oct 30-nov 1 at 7:30pm; su nov 2 at 3pm

3pm

Ui Philharmonia // sChool of mUsiC

7:30pm

Ui Chamber singers // sChool of mUsiC

Marching illini in concert on Sale noW!

tu Oct 21

noon

Know Your University lecture: Japan house 10th anniversary // marqUEE

6pm

Corporate night 2008 We Oct 22

5:15pm

art in Conversation: richard goode, piano // marqUEE

7:30pm

Ui Percussion Ensemble // sChool of mUsiC

Colwell Playhouse

th Oct 23

5pm

Krannert Uncorked // marqUEE

7:30pm

richard goode, piano // marqUEE

7:30pm

hamlet // DEParTmEnT of ThEaTrE

thank yOu tO the fOllOWing SpOnSOrS:

corporate night 2008 apple, inc.

thiS SUnDaY! 3 p.M.

U of I Assembly Hall • Champaign, IL Tickets $7 in advance, $9 day of show. UIUC Students, Seniors, & Youth 2-12 yrs & Groups of 12+: $2.50 discount!

Tickets at the Assembly Hall Box Office, Illini Union, or Charge-by-phone: 217-333-5000 or order www.uofiassemblyhall.com

richard goode, piano anonymous

Co Sponsored By:

C A L L 3 3 3 . 6 2 8 0 s 1. 8 0 0 . K C P A T I X www.follettsuofi.com

Corporate Power Train Team Engine:

Marquee performances are supported in part by the Illinois Arts Council—a state agency that recognizes Krannert Center in its Partners in Excellence Program.

40 North and Krannert Center—working together to put Champaign County’s culture on the map. STUDENT AFFAIRS/University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

OCT 16 – OCT 22 08

come and get it

classifieds Place an Ad: 217 - 337 - 8337 Deadline: 2 p.m. Tuesday for the next Thursday’s edition. Index Employment Services Merchandise Transportation Apartments Other Housing/Rent Real Estate for Sale Things To Do Announcements Personals

000 100 200 300 400 500 600 700 800 900

• PLEASE CHECK YOUR AD! Report errors immediately by calling 337-8337. We cannot be responsible for more than one day’s incorrect insertion if you do not notify us of the error by 2 pm on the day of the first insertion. • All advertising is subject to the approval of the publisher. The Daily Illini shall have the right to revise, reject or cancel, in whole or in part, any advertisement, at any time. • All employment advertising in this newspaper is subject to the City of Champaign Human Rights Ordinance and similar state and local laws, making it illegal for any person to cause to be published any advertisement which expresses limitation, specification or discrimination as to race, color, mental handicap, personal appearance, sexual orientation, family responsibilities, political affiliation, prior arrest or conviction record, source of income, or the fact that such person is a student. • Specification in employment classifications are made only where such factors are bonafide occupational qualifications necessary for employment. • All real estate advertising in this newspaper is subject to the Federal Fair Housing Act of 1968, and similar state and local laws which make it illegal for any person to cause to be published any advertisement relating to the transfer, sale, rental, or lease of any housing which expresses limitation, specifications or discrimination as to race, color, creed, class, national origin, religion, sex, age, marital status, physical or mental handicap, personal appearance, sexual oientation, family responsibilities, political affiliation, or the fact that such person is a student. • This newspaper will not knowingly accept any advertising for real estate that is in violation of the law. Our readers are informed that all dwellings advertised in this newspaper are available on an equal oppportunity basis.

Deadline:

2 p.m. Tuesday for the next Thursday’s edition.

Rates:

Billed rate: 39¢/word Paid-in-Advance: 33¢/word

Photo Sellers

30 words or less + photo: $5 per issue

HELP WANTED Part time

020 APARTMENTS Furnished

Combination job at downtown flower shop; Saturday delivery 9- 3. Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday shop cleaning after closing. Must be reliable. Requires heavy lifting. Rick Orr Florists 351-9299 Illini Media recommends readers take care when responding to classified ads, especially ads asking to send money. Illini Media does not knowingly publish fraudulent advertisements and requests readers report difficulties to the classified department by calling 217-337-8337.

HELP WANTED Full/Part time

030

Survey takers needed: Make $5- 25 per survey. Do it in your spare time. www.getpaidtothink.com

FINANCIAL

160

Credit Union Financial We welcome all types of credit. Say yes to high risk clients. No fees, no collaterol. For all your ﬁnancial needs, call our customer service reps at 888-228-2559. www.creditunion.com.

APARTMENTS

Furnished/Unfurnished

410

105 E. John, C Available Fall 2009. 1 & 2 bedroom furnished, great location. Phone 352-3182. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, Champaign. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com BEST OFFER CAMPUS 1 BR Loft 2 BR 3 BR 4 BR Campus. 367-6626 For August 2009 BEST VALUE CAMPUS 1 BR. loft from $480. 1 BR. $395 2 BR. $580 3 BR. $750 4 BR. $855 Campus. 367-6626. August 2009

Great Location 201 S. Wright St., Champaign. Adjacent to Engineering campus. Loft bedroom, security parking, balcony, A/C, laundry. Hardwick Apartments 356-5272 621-1012

Luxury One Bedroom 407 E. University. Available for FallLuxury Apartments. Avenue Court, fully equipped. W/D in unit. Balcony. Underground parking. Non-smoking. Hardwick Apartments 356-5272 621-1012

Trendy Studios & 1 BR Apts Available Fall 2009! Everything New in 2008! Downtown Champaign, Near Randolph & Church with Stainless Steel Appliances Jacuzzi Spa, Hardwood Floors, Cathedral Ceilings, 500-750 sqaure feet, $495-$595/person. Call 217.390.9900

Garage Sales

30 words in both Thursday’s buzz and Friday’s Daily Illini!! $10. If it rains, your next date is free.

Action Ads

• 20 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $20 • 10 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $10 • add a photo to an action ad, $10

www.the217.com

Modern 1-2 BR Apts Available Fall 2009!

Everything New in 2007! Downtown Champaign, Near Green & Lincoln with Stainless Appliances Jacuzzi Spa, Hardwood Floors, Cathedral Ceilings 650-900 square feet, On the Bus-Line to Campus, $550-$675/person. Call 217.390.9900

420 APARTMENTS Furnished

420 APARTMENTS

1005 S. Second, C.

207/211 John C.

Fall 2009 Studio and 4 Bedrooms Secured building. Private parking, Laundry on-site. Value pricing from $375. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

2, 3,4 BR. Great Location, on-site laundry, parking. 3 BR with 2.5 bath/ spa with own washer/dryer. 4 BR with leather furniture plus Flat screen TV. Value Pricing from 420/ person. 309 S. First C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

1006 S. 3rd, C. Fall 2009 1, 2, 3 bedrooms. Location, Location. Covered parking, laundry, furnished, patios. Value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

104 E. Armory, C. Fall 2009. Location!! 4 bedroom, 2 bath. Covered Parking. Laundry, value pricing from $375/person. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

111 E. Chalmers, C. August 2009 Studio and 1 and 4 bedrooms. Furniture, skylights, offstreet parking, laundry. Value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

Furnished

420 APARTMENTS

209- 211 E. Clark 2 BR Available Now

GREEN STREET REALTY 356-8750 www.greenstrealty.com

509 E. White, C. August 2009. Large Studio and 1 bedrooms. Security entry, balconies, patios, furnished. Laundry, offstreet parking, value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 217-352-3182

Furnished

420 APARTMENTS

307 & 310 E. WHITE, C 307 & 309 CLARK, C Jan. & Fall 2009 Large studio, double closet, well furnished. Starting from $350/mo. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup.com 352-3182

602 E. Stoughton, C Fall 2009. Unique 1 & 2 bedroom apartments. All furnished, laundry, internet, value pricing and parking available. Must see! THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

Furnished

420

411 HEALEY, C. Best Location - Fall 2009 Spacious 3 and 4 bedroom apts. Fully furnished, dishwasher, laundry, and value pricing. Covered parking. Phone 352-3182. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

604 E. White, C. Security Entrance For Fall 2009, Large studio, 1, 2 bedroom, Loft Apartment. Furnished, balconies, patios, laundry, off-street parking, value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

106 Daniel, C. For August 2009. 1, 2, 4 bedroom apartments and townhouses. Parking, laundry, value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

1107 S. 4TH, C. For August 2009. 5 bedroom lofts. Best location. Completely furnished. Laundry, parking garage, elevator, ﬂat screen tv. $1750/mo. Phone 3523182. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

Great Value 306- 308- 309 White, C August 2009. Furnished studios, 1, 2, and 3 bedrooms. Balconies, patios, laundry, dishwashers, off-street parking. Value pricing. 841-1996 9 Month Leases Available THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

203 S. Sixth, C. For August 2009. Large 4 bedrooms, 2 bath. Balconies, laundry, covered parking. Value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

Old Town Champaign 510 S. Elm, C Available Fall 2009. 2 BR close to campus, hardwood ﬂoors, laundry, W/D, central air/heat, off-street parking, 24 hr. maintenance. Value pricing from $595/mo. 841-1996. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

Hip Cool 4 BR Apts Available Fall 2009!

Everything New in 2007! Near Green & Lincoln with Stainless Steel Appliances/Jacuzzi Spa, Hardwood Floors, Cathedral Ceilings, 2000 square feet, Large Backyard w/ Fire Pit, 250 yards to Quad On the Bus-Line to Campus, $525-$595/person. Call 217.390.9900

Available Immediately 505 S. Busey

2 BR Apt. $595/mo. Ideal campups location, quiet Urbana neighborhood rent includes trash + ethernet off-street parking available furnished apartment Wampler Property Management 905 S. Neil Street, Suite C Champaign, IL 61820 217-352-1335

www.wamplerapartments.com

OCT 16 – OCT 22 08

18 classifieds buzz

APARTMENTS

Furnished 503-505-508 E. White, C

420 APARTMENTS

Fall 2009. 2 and 3 bedrooms. Furnished with internet. Parking and laundry available, value pricing. Onsite resident manager. Call Justin 359-7297. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

506 E. Stoughton, C. For August 2009. Extra large efﬁciency apartments. Security building entry, complete furniture, laundry, off-street parking, value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

509 Bash Court, C. Fall 2009 Great 3 and 5 bedrooms, near 6th and Green. Fully furnished, dishwashers, laundry, and value pricing. Off-street parking. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

509 Stoughton, C Fall 2009 Near Grainger, spacious studios and 2 bedrooms, laundry, value pricing, parking. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

605 S. Fifth, C. Fall 2009 5th and Green location Outdoor activity area. 1, 2 and 3 bedrooms available. Garage offstreet parking, laundry, and value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182 Beautiful neighborhood Available Immediately. 1 bedroom apartment. Fully equipped. Balcony, parking. 409 W. Green. Call Hardwick Apartments, 356-5272 or 6211012.

Furnished

420 APARTMENTS Unfurnished

430

HEALEY COURT APARTMENTS

Sunnycrest Apartments

307-309 Healey Court, C Fall 2009. Behind FU Bar. 2 bedrooms. Parking, laundry, and value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

Spacious 1BR, A/C, laundry, free parking. On busline, near the new Meijer in Urbana. Available NOW. Starting at $410.

705 W. Stoughton, U

Call Paul at 637-4104 or 344-1306

NOW and Fall 2009 3 bedroom apartment. Spacious living area. Communal balcony & great backyard. Plus a bar area in kitchen, dishwaser, washer/ dryer in each unit, value pricing from $250/person. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

John Street Apartments 58 E. John, C August 2009. Studio, two and three bedrooms, fully furnished. Dishwashers, center courtyard, on-site laundry, central air, parking, and value pricing. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

APARTMENTS Unfurnished

430

Round Barn Apartments Spacious 1BR ($450+) & 2BR ($550+), A/C, laundry, free parking, near shopping, on busline. Some with brand new kitchens appliances!

HOUSES FOR RENT

510

Boutique 4 BR House- Available Fall 2009! Near 3rd & Springfield w/2000 sq ft, Everything NEW in 2007, FREE Parking, Free Washer/Dryer, 1 Blk to NEW Burnham Bld. & County Market with Stainless Steel Appliances/Jacuzzi Spa, Hardwood Floors, Cathedral Ceilings, $575/person or $2300 per month. Call 217.390.9900

WOW! Modern, Cool 4 BR HouseAvailable Fall 2009! Near Green & Lincoln w/ 2100 sq ft, Everything NEW in 2008, FREE Parking, Free Washer/Dryer with Stainless Hardwood Floors, Cathedral Ceilings, $500-$525/person. Call 217.390.9900

CLASSES

750

Guitar and Bass lessons available. Call CV Lloyde Music Center. 3527031 cvlloyde.com

Call Paul at 637-4104 or 344-1306

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come and get it

buzz 19

D O I N ’ I T W E L L by Kim Rice & Ross Wantland

Interview with Eli Clare Sex, disability & access Recently, “Doin’ It Well” got the opportunity to sit down with Eli Clare to talk about his work. Eli identiﬁes as a white, disabled, gender-queer writer and activist with a strong rabble-rousing streak, and he was on campus to give trainings on the treatment of and access for people with disabilities, LGBTQ people and other socially marginalized groups. With so much to discuss for such a brief column, we began a conversation about sexuality and disability.

Having a Sexuality According to Eli, the fundamental truth of sex and disability is that disabled people (except possibly the amputee/devotee community, which we will address in a later column) are not viewed as sexual. This is about socially constructed barriers, what he called ableism. Ableism places disabled people as having “abnormal” bodies rather than showing people with disabilities as full human beings with their own worth. He said, “One of the themes in terms of ableism and disability is that disabled people’s bodies are seen as broken and need [to be] ﬁxed.” In his mind, this ableism and framing of disabled people as asexual happens through both attitudinal and material barriers.

Attitudes Are the Real Disability Eli told us, “Interview some disabled people, and ask them about their dating lives. [They will say], ‘I go places, and no one’s even looking at me, much less ﬂirting with me, much less asking me out to coffee or a beer or much less asking me to stay the night.’” Although this may be truer for folks with apparent physical disabilities, even people with “hidden” disabilities, such as Chronic Fatigue Immune Deﬁciency Syndrome, may receive this treatment once they disclose their condition. Suddenly, their potential partner may make judgments that this person would not be able to “keep up.” These attitudes follow disabled people every day, making them invisible, yet gawked at and always assumed to be asexual.

Material World At the same time, there are also vast material barriers for disabled people to grow as sexual beings. Eli brought up spinal cord injury patients who wake up in the hospital after an accident and their ﬁrst question is “What about sex?” Eli asked, “So where do you learn about sex in your newly conﬁgured body?” The answer for many people with disabilities is nowhere. Information about their bodies and their sexuality is not provided, and these questions may even be shunned. Eli brought up people living in nursing homes or using home health care, such as a personal assistant (PA), for their daily tasks. As Eli said, “Try having a healthy, autonomous, freely chosen sex life in a nursing home. Not gonna happen.” Because of the complex relationship between disabled people and their PAs — who often bring sex-negative attitudes with them — individuals who may need a PA to help them to participate www.the217.com

in solo or partner sex, to plug in a vibrator or to position them may not ask or may be afraid to ask for the assistance they need. Eli said this is especially true for LGBTQ disabled people, who may fear a homophobic response.

Public Image, Private Lives With the lack of positive images and stories of disabled people, there clearly needs to be a diverse set of representations of people with disabilities, especially regarding sexuality. Yet Eli cautioned us against assuming that sexual images about your community are always good. “There are other [dominant cultural] images for other communities of people, but many of those images are degrading in one way or another and ... they don’t convey a sense of depth and breadth that comes from within individual people and cultures.” He spoke about the importance of erotica and porn in marginalized communities, even when made by people outside of the community. As Eli said, “There’s so much power in being able to see yourself reﬂected on a screen, to have a body that looks somewhat like yours up on a screen, however stylized or unrealistic that image might be.” Rather than shutting down particular images, Eli calls for a wider array of images. He said, “The projection of erotic images — whether they be visual or auditory or written — are a way for communities to create compelling sexuality rather than have some version of sexuality, or lack thereof, foisted upon [them].” Because there is such limited representation, one image is seen as deﬁning a community rather than being just one image among many. As Eli said, “How can we create that plenty so any one image doesn’t have to bear the brunt of representation or education?” By the interview’s end, Eli had given us a lot to think about sexuality and disability, about sex and representation. Most importantly, he reiterated, “What I want to make sure that you’re aware of is that we’re talking about multiple barriers that have nothing to do with what an individual body’s sexual capacity is.” By recognizing the barriers put in place by society, we can begin to see where the real disability lies.

Illustration by Kate Lamy

Sex 411: Disability & Sex Resources Sex & Disability: http://sexuality.about. com/od/sex_and_disability Eli Clare: http://www.eliclare.com Kaufman, Silverberg & Odette. (2003). The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability. Shakespeare, Gillespie-Sells & Davies. (1996). The Sexual Politics of Disability. Stay tuned till next week as we discuss virginity. Kim and Ross want to hear from you. Send your questions or comments to buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com OCT 16 – OCT 22 08

20 buzz

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buzz 21

Free Will Astrology ARIES

March 21-April 19

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sometimes the fastest way to get there/ is to go slow,â&#x20AC;? sings Tina Dico in her song â&#x20AC;&#x153;Count to Ten.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sometimes if you want to hold on/ youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got to let go.â&#x20AC;? Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a ripe oracle for you to meditate on, Aries. As you explore the nuances of its meaning, you may discover secrets about how life is always working behind the scenes to balance things out. You might also see that going to any extreme will often attract the opposite extreme into your life; an excess of yang can lead to yin, and vice versa.

TAURUS

April 20-May 20

I usually donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to tell you Bulls how important it is to ďŹ nish what youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve started. You are, after all, among the top three signs of the zodiac when it comes to following through. But just in case youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve momentarily fallen under the sway of a delusion that would encourage you to escape before the resolution is fully in place, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m here to remind you: Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time to make the art of completion your graceful obsession.

GEMINI

May 21-June 20

Who are the best enemies we have ever had? According to David Brown in the Washington Post, they are the thousands of endogenous retroviruses that attacked our ancestors for millions of years. In response to their evil invasions, we humans have had to build our rough, tough immune system, which is one of the most amazing creations on the planet. Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s make this your inspirational metaphor for the coming weeks, Gemini. I urge you to welcome the opportunities that your adversaries are going to give you to grow bigger, stronger, and more beautiful.

CANCER

June 21-July 22

Sometimes it makes sense for you to be conservative and cautious and skeptical of novelty. A periodic immersion in the slow-motion approach helps you maintain a strong center of gravity and allows you to be true to yourself in the face of the pressure you get to be like everyone else. The past few weeks have been such a time for you, Cancerian. Soon, though, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll begin to feel urges to take some risks, instigate fresh trends, and express yourself with more daring and expansiveness. Are you game?

LEO

July 23-Aug. 22

Futurists predict that in 30 years many of us will have robots as our best friends. But I believe itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s already the case that machines are our boon companions. You may not have a name for your computer or iPhone, but you interact with it as if it were an animate and intimate assistant. Music or TV or talk radio might be turned on in your home around the clock, providing a constant ďŹ&#x201A;ow of comforting noise. I know people who derive a sense of coziness from the hum of the refrigerator or the rumble blowing through the heating vents. Have you ever talked to your car? Kicked a temperamental appliance? Used a sex toy? This is the best week ever for you to acknowledge your symbiosis with the alien life forms we depend on. Now go kiss your laptop. Caress your toaster.

VIRGO

Aug. 23-Sept. 22

â&#x20AC;&#x153;If you could ask everyone you met one question, what would it be?â&#x20AC;? A reader named Ty Sassaman emailed me with that query. As I thought about what my response would be, I considered questions like â&#x20AC;&#x153;Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the one thing you most want to accomplish before you die many years from now?â&#x20AC;? or â&#x20AC;&#x153;What could you do to bring more intelligence into the way you love?â&#x20AC;? But ultimately I decided on â&#x20AC;&#x153;What is your soulâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s code?â&#x20AC;? How about you, Virgo? What would be your prime question? I suggest that in the coming days you ask it of everyone you encounter. Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re in a phase in your astrological cycle when focused curiosity is a kind of superpower.

LIBRA

Sept. 23-Oct. 22

Describing the poet Kenneth Koch, his colleague John Ashbery said that his work â&#x20AC;&#x153;gives you the impression that you are leading an interesting life; going to parties and meeting interesting people, falling in love, going for rides in the country and to public swimming pools, eating in the best restaurants and going to movies and the theater in the afternoons. By comparison, most other modern poetry makes me feel as if I were living in a small Midwestern university town.â&#x20AC;? In the coming www.the217.com

OCT 16â&#x20AC;&#x201C;OCT 22

weeks, Libra, I exhort you to have an impact on people thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s like Kochâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s poetry. Hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the best way to do that: Live the most interesting and imaginative life you can dream up.

SCORPIO

If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re a left-winger, you may think right-wingers are stupid or evil or both. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re a right-winger, you probably hold the same attitudes about left-wingers. A similar pattern prevails between most other groups that hold opposing views. Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re a rare person if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve never looked at a certain group of people and thought to yourself, â&#x20AC;&#x153;They are all sick idiots.â&#x20AC;? But in the coming week, Scorpio, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m asking you to ďŹ nd out what itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s like to dispense with judgments like that. In fact, try living without any scapegoats whatsoever. If even for an hour per day, visualize the possibility that those with whom you disagree might be sincere and well-meaning. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not suggesting this exercise merely because itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a nice thing to do. It will also have the magical effect of giving you access to parts of your own intelligence that have been closed off to you.

SAGITTARIUS

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;Be humble for you are made of dung,â&#x20AC;? says a Serbian proverb. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Be noble for you are made of stars.â&#x20AC;? I expect that youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll soon be getting vivid evidence of that truth, Sagittarius. Your challenge will be to resist the temptation to believe that youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re more dung than stars, or more stars than dung. That might be hard, given the fact that practically everyone around you believes they are one or the other. But I promise you that you have the power to do it. You can exude cheerful equanimity while dwelling right at the crux of the paradox.

CAPRICORN

Dec. 22-Jan. 19

Describing a Jupiter transit, Capricorn astrologer Steven Forrest wrote, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Life is a train wreck, except the trains are made of cake and ice cream.â&#x20AC;? Amen to that, bro. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d add that a Jupiter transit might also be imagined as being on the verge of too many orgasms, or getting forced to make a painful choice between fantastic wealth and amazing power, or having well-meaning allies overwhelm you with help. Now, as you enter the last 12 weeks of Jupiterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s year-long journey through your astrological house of beginnings, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m expecting you to harvest some of the most delightful and enriching â&#x20AC;&#x153;messesâ&#x20AC;? ever.

AQUARIUS

Jan. 20-Feb. 18

In a recent horoscope, I urged people to convince everyone around them to take more responsibility and be more accountable. In response, a reader named Rene wrote, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t think of ANYTHING more futile! Convincing other people to be anything other than the way they are is a misguided and losing proposition. Unless people have hired you as their therapist, or adopted you as their guru, they are not likely to take your opinions about their behavior seriously.â&#x20AC;? Rene did acknowledge that itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s possible to subtly inspire people by being a stirring example of the behavior youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d like to see in them. Since I think her observations are not only wise but also pertinent to your current situation, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m passing them on to you.

PISCES

Feb. 19-March 20

In medieval Europe, more resources and human ingenuity were lavished upon cathedrals and churches than on any other buildings. In the last hundred years, the emphasis has been different, having switched to the towering structures that house institutions dedicated to commerce. By that measure, Money is a far more important God than God. During the next few weeks, Pisces, I invite you to buck the modern trend. As an experiment, see if you can devote at least one more percent of your energy and intelligence to matters of the spirit and soul than to the demands of the material realm. I suspect youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll ďŹ nd, ironically, that this will lead to an increase of your mastery over the material realm.

0KD@RD INHM TR ENQ SGHR FREE BNLLTMHSX DUDMS HM GNMNQ NE .@SHNM@K "QD@RS #@MBDQ !V@QDMDRR -NMSG Mills Breast Cancer Institute invites you to an inspirational account of one womanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s triumph over breast cancer. Please join us as best-selling author Geralyn Lucas shares the uplifting, personal story behind her book and the Lifetime Original Movie, Why I Wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy. Widely applauded, it has been called â&#x20AC;&#x153;fearlessly candid, surprisingly funny and altogether empowering.â&#x20AC;? Diagnosed with breast cancer at age 27, Geralyn is now celebrating her 11th year of survivorship. Please come to hear her moving and often hilarious story of understanding, coping with and beating breast cancer. This event is FREE and open to everyone.

Date: Tuesday, October 28, 2008 Time: 7 p.m. Location: The Forum at Carle Doors open at 6 p.m. Refreshments will be served. Space is limited. Reserve your seat by calling (217) 326-0180. FREE parking and shuttle service can be found at the Champaign County Fairgrounds.

Homework Test this hypothesis: By giving up a useless â&#x20AC;&#x153;valuableâ&#x20AC;? that you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really need, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll ensure the arrival of a real valuable that you do need. Testify at FreeWillAstrology.com.

VVV MillsHope BNL

OCT 16 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; OCT 22 08

22 buzz

JONESIN’ by Matt Jones

“You’re Out!”— dropped from the world of sports and games in 2008

facebook, porn & wpgu

why the web was born

WPGU is more than just a spot on the dial. The217.com, our comprehensive community web site, is a one stop reference for everything Champaign-Urbana. Featuring a calendar of community events, blogs, articles from Buzz Magazine, and, of course, our 24/7 live stream, you can tune in or log on at any time, from anywhere.

OCT 16 – OCT 22 08

Solution in Classiﬁeds.

Across

Down

1 “Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood” network 4 It may be filled with helium 9 Relaxation destination 12 Water, in Waterloo 13 Qatar’s peninsula 15 More, in Managua 16 Heat up leftovers, perhaps 17 Seattle team that became the Oklahoma City Thunder in 2008 19 Make really happy 21 Actress Mimieux of 1960’s “The Time Machine” 22 Popular Facebook word game removed due to copyright violation 26 Helper: abbr. 27 Forgets to play it cool 28 Early multimillionaire John Jacob 30 “Supermodified” DJ Tobin 31 Acute 32 Ad-Rock’s bandmate 35 Record for an individual athlete at a single Olympic Games that remained unbroken until 2008 40 Extinct flightless bird 41 Fleshy fruit 42 Monogram part: abbr. 43 Richie Rich’s metallic, robotic maid 44 Saudi Arabian city home to Muhammad’s burial place 46 “The best-___ plans...” 49 Lifeline removed from the latest season of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” 51 Sop up 53 Singer/actress Lena 54 What’s missing (and likely retired) from 2008’s version of Clue 57 “Choke” star Rockwell 60 Lower digit 61 Brought by airplane 62 Sesqui- doubled 63 Mesozoic, for one 64 Sri ___ 65 Condition attributed to Howard Hughes: abbr.

1 Candy brand for headhunters? 2 Ovine admission 3 Space explosion 4 Julius Caesar’s undoer 5 Pin site 6 “How can ___ sure?” 7 Orbital station that broke up in 2001 8 Announcement device 9 “NYPD Blue” star Jimmy 10 International agreements 11 Intelligence provider, spy-wise 13 Easy ___ 14 Election Day mo. 18 Warm, so to speak 20 British jazz singer Cleo 22 Muscle twitch 23 Walk-on role 24 It’s found near acorns 25 Like some cars or textbooks 29 Its square root is itself 32 Marx and Engels’ 1848 work, e.g. 33 Black on the country charts 34 “I think I need ___ of execution” (Aerosmith lyric) 36 Home of newsman Robert Siegel 37 Barbiturate, slangily 38 Preﬁx before “potent” or “present” 39 Slew 43 “Survivor” immunity token 44 Narrow viewpoint, so to speak 45 Ramirez who played Pedro in “Napoleon Dynamite” 46 Drink in a sleeve 47 Absolutely hate 48 “___ little silhouetto...” (“Bohemian Rhapsody” lyric) 50 IBM motto 52 Boxing arbiter 55 1988 Dennis Quaid remake 56 Dominate, in leetspeak 58 Shuttlecock path 59 Centralcome and get it

buzz 23

A N D A N OT H E R T H I N G

...

by Michael Coulter

Life in the Garage Discovering the previously underappreciated wing of your home I’ve always had a roof over my head, so I should consider myself lucky. Granted, at times, the roof wasn’t especially great, but it still managed to keep a majority of the outside elements from entering my living space. For the most part, though, I’ve been very happy with the places I’ve lived in. Oh sure, there are a few apartments from the early years I probably couldn’t stomach these days, but even they were more than adequate. I never felt I was missing anything until recently. What I’d been missing all these years, my friends, was a garage. I’ve only really had one for about six months so far, and I can’t imagine how I’ve managed to get along up until now. We had one when I was a kid, but I never hung out in there much because my dad was always in there drinking beer and dicking around with some sort of tool. After all these years, I finally understand the simple beauty of drinking beer and dicking around with tools. It’s sad when I think about all the time I’ve wasted drinking beer in crowded bars, hitting on women who had no use for me and getting ripped to the tits with my buddies when there was perfectly good tools and beer waiting for me in the garage. I should point out that it’s never a good or safe idea to run complicated and dangerous machinery while you’re drinking alcohol. I should also point out that it totally fucking rocks to do just that. So you accidentally saw a portion of your finger off or end up with a drill bit stuck in your thigh? The agony of personal injury can’t possible compare to the joy of placing a sweaty beer can on the new shelf you just mounted to the wall. Granted, the shelf wasn’t really for holding beer cans when you started, but it fits just fine there, and you may have to build five or six more of them before the Sunday afternoon is over. As an added tip, if you find you aren’t hurting yourself nearly enough with just beer and power tools, try adding some whiskey to the equation. It won’t be long before a regular Band-Aid won’t even come close to covering the wound. The good news is you’re just a six-pack and a few drill holes away from mounting a first-aid kit somewhere on the wall. The garage is more than just the drinking, power tools and seeping wounds, however. It’s also a fine place to listen to music and hang

www.the217.com

various posters. Now that I think about it, I’m just a bed and a bureau away from my garage looking exactly like my bedroom in high school. Anyway, music in the garage sounds better for some reason. I think it’s the song selection more than the acoustics, though. It only seems right to play classic rock or country out there. I’m a huge fan of other music in general, but in this situation, I feel the need to announce my mannishness with as much authority as possible. I’m thinking about trying some old Devo next weekend, but I worry even that may not be appropriate for this setting. Since I’ve been spending so much time in the garage, one thing has become very evident to me. I may need to lower my work efficiency way down because there’s a chance I could finish up most of the work anytime now. I almost shudder just thinking about being back in the house proper watching TV all weekend. I now understand why many garages always seem in at least some form of disarray. It’s because a finished garage is no longer fun in any way. If my pace keeps up, I may have to begin vandalizing my own property just so I can repair it. My only other option is that I may have to come up with some sort of hobby to bide my time in the garage with the winter months approaching. Even though I’ve tried to convince everyone that drinking beer actually is a “sort of” hobby, I feel like I need something else to go along with it. I believe this hobby will have to be some sort of intensive crafting project with vast amounts of wood or possibly metal. I don’t really care as much about the particular vehicle so much as the process ... and the beer. This would be easier if I had any sort of skill set at all. It is unclear to me why the garage is so fascinating, but I can tell you this: It isn’t because it keeps the cars out of the elements. In fact, if my Christmas wish list comes true, there probably won’t even be enough room for the vehicles, what with the radial arm saw and the drill press taking up most of the space. Though I’m still not certain how to use them or what they are for exactly, I do know that I really, really need them. The more I think about it, I may just have to build another garage to take care of the cars and the overﬂow from the ﬁrst garage. Ah, it’s such a beautiful dream. I could probably afford the lumber, tools and time to build the supplemental garage. The biggest problem is I’m not sure I should be spending that much money on beer, no matter how awesome it seems at the time.

OCT 16 – OCT 22 08

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come and get it