Buzz Magazine: Nov. 23, 2011 by Buzz Magazine

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week of November 23, 2011

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VOL9 NO45

NOVEMBER 23, 2011

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IN THIS ISSUE DEBONO

PRESENTS THE 6TH ANNUAL

THE MUSIC OF TWILIGHT

12 Beers of Christmas Thursday December 1st 6-9pm $25 gets you a 4 oz. sampling of 12 different beers which share a unique holiday theme.

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t of ticke

anting go to gr ay d n’s holi childre hrough t wishes

n o i t a r e Op ! a t n a S The 18th Annual

PORN PERCEPTIONS 10

LE SHOPPE A look at local vintage

REMEDIES 9 ON READBUZZ.COM COMMUNITY Emma’s got some fashion advice for you, ladies and gents. Sex and clothes: How you dress does not mean yes! Find out what she means in her column, online!

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT Go online and check out more awesome Arts & Entertainment stories about local people and events.

MUSIC Like album reviews because you don’t have an opinion on one yourself? Well, get ready for reviews of different things by artists you may or may not have heard of!

MOVIES & TV CHECK OUT THE MOVIE REVIEWS! We have a few up there! I hope! We better. GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW, SMITHERS!

FOOD & DRINK

10 7.1

It’s the last week of tequila. How sad! But Karen will be covering a whole new liquor in December. How great! Look for “Bottoms Up” on Saturday. buzz

What do people think about porn?

Operation Santa is sponsored by:

The woman behind the soundtracks

Operation Santa benefits the Champaign Crisis Nursery and Parent Wonders of Rantoul.

buzz examines local long-form improv group

CALENDAR

Your guide to this week’s events in CU

EDITOR’S NOTE DYLAN SUTCLIFF

Of all the holidays that we as a country celebrate, Thanksgiving is probably my favorite. The idea is simple — families gather back together to eat way too much food, talk, get sick of each other and then pass out in their respective dwellings. Sure, the original idea includes pilgrims, but in all honesty, we have no right to be celebrating our goodwill with Native Americans. Spreading the belief of the two opposing groups sitting down to eat dinner is a preposterous idea to perpetrate when so many tribes were killed and exploited over so long a period of time. I imagine the situation going down a little closer to the Native Americans hanging out and eating when a guy with a big black hat burst in and said, “Hey, this is our food! Can you go live way, way over there? If not, it’s cool. We’ll just kill you.” Not the best thing to celebrate. So don’t! But don’t get rid of Thanksgiving altogether. There’s so much great food, and seeing family is always a plus. Also, if one doesn’t include the traffic hell that is Black Friday (12 seasons of House for 68 cents!), Thanksgiving is the least commercial holiday. There aren’t any stupid singing cards that cost $5 or Coca Cola created giftgiving super heroes; people don’t even need to be tricked into showing up by the prospect of getting a new Batman toy or free socks. Unlike other holidays, the date isn’t even officially set. They just throw it somewhere at the end of November. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I love Thanksgiving because the expectations are so low in comparison to other holidays, and no one cares. There isn’t any sort of distraction from the real reason holidays exist: hanging out with the people that care about you. I don’t get to see my family too much anymore, and it’s kind of a bummer, so I’m really looking forward to this Thursday. But I also know that there is a reason I don’t see some of my family more often, and when I’m sufficiently sedated by turkey, more than four hours with certain people becomes a little taxing. Thanksgiving is there as a friendly reminder that, yes, family is important; but the bare minimum for seeing certain family members is tons of food and the option to feign sleep during a boring conversation.

readbuzz.com November 23 - 30, 2011

LIKES

HEADS

UP!

GRIPES

Tracy Woodley Arts & Entertainment Editor

LIKES thanksgiving! by Esteban Gast

buzz staff

Editor in Chief Dylan Sutcliff Managing Editor Peggy Fioretti Copy Chief Drew Hatcher Photography Editor Sean O’Connor Image Editor Peggy Fioretti Photographers Sean O’Connor Designers Olivia Lafaire, Michael Zang, Lucas Albrecht Music Editor Adam Barnett Food & Drink Editor Samantha Bakall Movies & tv Editor Nick Martin Arts & entertainment Editor Tracey Woodley Community Editor Amy Harwath CU Calendar Elisia Phua Copy Editors Casey McCoy, Sarah Alo Distribution Brandi and Steve Wills EDITORIAL ADVISER Marissa Monson Publisher Lilyan J. Levant

TALK TO BUZZ

It’s the best day to announce one’s sexual orientation loudly at the table (close second is National Coming Out Day), to remember why Uncle Jerry is never invited (he yells a lot) and to confuse historical customs while celebrating the Pilgrims’ brutal genocide of Native Americans (you’re welcome for those blankets, by the way). It’s the time of Thanksgiving. If you haven’t already, buy an extra pair of sweatpants for the turkey you are about to eat. It’s truly American: a day to celebrate gluttony, and not only a day, but a holiday. We have a week with no class in session, which means a week that we should be studying and catching up on school work, but where we actually sit and watch TV and argue with our parents. However, Thanksgiving is a day to celebrate our dysfunctional family. It’s a day to celebrate those who traveled across the ocean to reach the New Land. In this struggling economy amidst constant sad news, it is so important to realize all we are thankful for. (Pause for thoughtful sigh). And for that, we thank you, Thanksgiving. For giving us a place to celebrate our past (despite how much we may disapprove of the Pilgrims’ actions toward Native Americans), to soak in the present (even though we disapprove of my major) and to tell others about our future, regardless of how much they disapprove (modeling could work out, Dad!). For all these reasons and more, we celebrate the greatness of Thanksgiving.

On the Web www.readbuzz.com Email buzz@readbuzz.com Write 512 E. Green St., Champaign, IL 61820 CALL 217.337.3801

We reserve the right to edit submissions. buzz will not publish a letter without the verbal consent of the writer prior to publication date. buzz Magazine is a student-run publication of Illini Media Company and does not necessarily represent, in whole or in part, the views of the University of Illinois administration, faculty or students. © Illini Media Company 2011

» Disco music: I honestly don’t understand how anyone can dislike disco music. The whole genre/era was all about having fun and dancing to funky jams while wearing sparkling polyester. Nothing sounds better than that to me. If I could travel time, I would go back to the golden days of The Hustle and music that features clap machines. » Squirrels: They’re adorable and abundant on this campus, and I like it. Sure, they occasionally eat out of the garbage, but it’s kind of endearing. They have fuzzy tails and look cute when they nibble on old pizza crusts. It’s a lot better than having a bunch of rats or pigeons running around. » Oatmeal: I realize this is all making me sound like an old lady, but oatmeal is the best food ever! It’s warm (perfect for the impending horrible winter), good for you and easy to make (I’m a college student). Sometimes, I eat oatmeal for breakfast and dinner, and it makes me feel warm and comfortable.

MARSHALL APARTMENTS 1 & 2 BEDROOMS NEAR JOHN & 2ND AND HEALEY & 3RD AVAILABLE. LUXURY 1 BEDROOM LOFTS ON JOHN (110) STUDIO APT NEAR 1ST & HEALEY CALL

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November 25th

6:30am-8am: 40% off 8am-1pm: 35% off 1pm-7pm: 30% off

Nov. 26th/27th

30% off all weekend

dylan sutcliff Editor in chief

GRIPES

» iPads: Holy crap they are so cool. My mom has one and I’ve been reading comics on it for the entirety of break. I still like reading physical comics better but as far as the price goes, it’s very hard to argue with the iPad. I want one so bad! » My cats not getting along: I brought my new kitty Foucault home and Calvin and hobbs are not having it. They keep hissing and getting very jealous of the new little kitty. My guess is they just don’t know how to deal with how cute she is and are lashing out because of personal insecurities. You’ll always have a piece of my heart Calving and Hobbs! Don’t worry, I still love you despite this hip new kitty. » Foucault waking up too early: Come on cat! How can I get mad at you for nuzzling your face against mine? But every day at six a.m.? You’re pushing it Foucault, papa needs his sleep.

YOGA streaming live on the217.com

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“Some people say Iyengar yoga is the easiest [yoga style]. Some people say it is the hardest. But once you’ve done it, all of the other styles seem reckless.” - Shape Magazine

Class Times

Recommend a new student for the 8 week session (1 class/week) and both of you get a second class/week free!

Mon 6 - 7:30pm Beginners Tues 6 - 7:30pm Experienced Beginners Wed 9:15 - 10:45am Yoga for Women 7 - 8:30pm Yoga for Men Sat 9:45 - 11:15am Experienced Beginners 11:30am- 1pm Beginners

407 W. Springfield, Urbana 344-YOGA (9642) www.yoga-cu.com buzz

arts

entertainment

ALWAYS SAY YES

A local improv group takes silliness seriously

by Samantha Krabbe It’s Monday night, and a few remaining students pack up their laptops and notebooks as the lights are being lowered in the Courtyard Café of the Illini Union. Seven o’clock marks the beginning of a weekly two-hour improvised comedy performance that is completely free and open to the public. Following short-form improv troupe Spicy Clamato, The DeBono Comedic Improv Troupe takes the stage for the second hour of entertainment. The DeBono Troupe is unique because it focuses on long-form improv comedy, which is less common than the short-form improv done by Spicy Clamato and various other groups on campus. Short-form is comprised of brief, unrelated scenes that often involve games — similar to what you would see on Whose Line Is It Anyway? Long-form introduces new situations while building on an ongoing storyline and sticking with the same characters, essentially creating an improvised play. “Long-form improv is more about situational humor and character development,” says DeBono member Michael Gaschler. “You don’t think about being funny, but instead about what your character would do in the given situation.” Both forms rely on active audience participation for constant

The team practices twice a week and normally performs once a week. In addition to the Courtyard Café shows on Monday nights, DeBono sometimes performs at student dorms. Recent performances have been held at PAR and Allen Hall. “One thing you learn early on is to never say ‘no’,” says Gaschler. “Instead, say ‘yes, and…’ Don’t try to plan something out ahead of time. You have to roll with it. Be in agreement, and trust in your teammates. It’s very much a team sport.” Gaschler, now a senior, auditioned during his freshman year at the University after being prompted by the active scene in Chicago during his senior year of high school. Auditions are held at the beginning of each school year for a handful of spots on the relatively small team. He was one of four chosen out of the fifty students who auditioned for DeBono Improv. Photo taken by Samantha Krabbe the team. DeBono also has developed into a Broadnew scenario ideas. way style musical improv group with help from a similar team “We draw a lot from the audience and play off their energy,” says that is based in Chicago. Last year, the group made it to the Gaschler. “[Performing] is never routine, never dull. It’s something regional competition in the College Improv Tournament and I always look forward to.” took second place. DeBono is comprised of students with a wide range of experience. “DeBono has really created its own style,” says Gaschler. “It’s For Gaschler, who is majoring in Biology with a minor in Chemistry, been extremely gratifying to see the new form so well received.” DeBono is a fun thing to do on the side. He says the team is very helpful for newcomers who are just starting to pick it up, but it’s Catch DeBono at the Courtyard Café in the Illini Union on Monday also a great group to be part of for people with more experience. nights at 8 p.m., right after Spicy Clamato.

116 N Walnut Champaign, IL 61820 Fall Hours: Tuesday 12-4 Thursday 5-9 Friday 5-9 Saturday 5-9

Portrait of her mother, Melissa Mitchell

hello kitty collection, Laura Hetrick; bar crawl t-shirt collection, various students; vintage camera collection, Christina Wondra

button collection: Christina Wondra

Your Stuff in Our Show Figure One is a laboratory that supports projects, exhibitions and events that stem from all areas of study at the undergraduate and graduate levels at The University of Illinois School of Art + Design. seefigureone.org Photo Credits: Brent Hofacker

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“Your Stuff In Our Show” is an exhibition of local things curated by Jorge Lucero & Jimmy Luu. Not exactly an exhibition of artworks, “Your Stuff In Our Show” aims to put participant’s material culture and home knowledge(s) on view and make them accessible to the public. Examples of material culture can be--but are not limited to- -collections, items of home décor, accumulated detritus, trinkets, utensils,

A Personal Dinner Invitation

posters, clothing items, toys, framed family pictures, furnishings, store-bought design, and other personal objects. Know-how can be articulated through instances of teaching, showing, guiding, sharing, demonstrating, orating, participatory activities, or collaboration, and are contributed to the exhibition in the form of demonstrations or participatory activities that the general public will be invited to attend.

Artist Alberto Aguilar’s mysterious and delightful event on November 26th, which is part of “Your Stuff In Our Show”! (6-11:30pm)

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I do what I please

NOVEMBER 23 - 30, 2011

THE FINAL FRONTIER

Week of Fri, Nov. 25 through Thurs. Dec. 1, 2011

Martha Marcy May Marlene (R) 35mm print

“The size and age of the Cosmos are beyond ordinary human understanding. Lost somewhere between immensity and eternity is our tiny planetary home. In a cosmic perspective, most human concerns seem insignificant, even petty ... In the last few millennia, we have made the most astonishing and unexpected discoveries about the Cosmos and our place within it, explorations that are exhilarating to consider ... I believe our future depends powerfully on how well we understand this Cosmos in which we float like a mote of dust in the morning sky,” said Carl Sagan, as he looked into the sky

and wrote astronomy like a prose poet. Thinking about space is the best. Did you know the universe is literally extending to infinity and beyond? Because buzz Movie writers are very perspicacious (so perspicacious in fact, we use the word perspicacious), we found five movies about space that will illuminate the darkest corners of consciousness like supernovas! Whether it’s war, race, enviromentalism, sentient robots or the nature of life itself, space movies require lengthy beard scratching (or imaginary beard scrating for the bearding impared). Space is lofty stuff, folks.

Fri: (2:30), (5:00), 7:30 | Sat: (5:00), 7:30 Sun: (2:30), (5:00), 7:30 Mon & Tue: 7:30 | Wed: (5:00), 7:30 | Thu: 7:30

Jurassic Park (PG-13) 35mm print. All shows $5 Fri: 10:00 PM |Sat: 2:00 PM, 10:00 PM Wed & Thu: 10:00 PM

3 Charlie Chaplin Shorts (G) Digital Presentation Sat: (12:00 noon)

The Circus (1928) (G) Digital Presentation Sun: (12:00 PM)

Take the CUMTD Bus www.theCUart.com

126 W. Church St. Champaign

Jen Weber, LMT

WILL SPACE TRAVEL SAVE THE EARTH’S ENVIRONMENT? Silent Running is one of the more uniquely different science fiction films of the early 1970s and was the first directed by special effects expert Douglas Trumbull (the man responsible for 2001 and Close Encounters of the Third Kind). The film’s tale concerns the work of a dedicated, idealistic astronaut botanist, Freeman Lowell, who has spent the last eight years supervising a government freighter, the Valley Forge, preserving plant life of all sorts in space-based geo-domes. Life on earth has destroyed all flora, and the geo-domes have the last of these terrestrial plant species. Bruce Dern stars and is terrifically eccentric as Lowell; he spends most of the film with three drone maintenance robots after his crew of three others are killed, and his spaceship drifts toward the outer rings of Saturn. Silent Running explores a complex dilemma of man’s respect for advances in technology and the wish to preserve the natural beauty and genuine uniqueness of plant life from Earth. Their “save the planet” message is further underscored by a theme song sung by 60s activist Joan Baez. Trumbull’s remarkable low-budget film contains terrific visual effects and remains a cult classic for many filmgoers. — Syd Slobodnik

CAN AN ALIEN INVASION UNITE HUMANITY TOGETHER? In the British film Attack the Block, aliens attack a South London housing project, or “the block.” The protagonists of Attack the Block are a far cry from the wide-eyed white suburban youths found in E.T. or Super 8. The opening scene has the five main characters mug a young woman. A meteor, which is found later to have carried the aliens, smashes into a nearby parked car. Instead of calling for help, the gang leader Moses tries to steal the car. Attack the Block takes on the Herculean task of making unsympathetic characters into heroes. The film does not excuse their actions. Rather, the film provides a look into the worldview of those who are usually ignored. The aliens provide a lens through which the audience can understand life in the block. While the conditions are not ideal, the characters of the block love their home and will do whatever it takes to protect it. The mugged woman expresses her hatred of the block during a lull in the alien attack. A member of the gang asks why in complete sincerity. Attack the Block casts a heroic light on a traditionally vilified community. — Jamila Tyler

CAN A MACHINE BE SENTIENT? Stanley Kubric’s 2001: A Space Odyssey says yes. Addressing the duality between different types of life throughout the ages — ape, man, computer — we try to understand how the two experience life and death. Is there more to life for humans? Can machines live and be aware of themselves? In space, anything might be possible. Shown through the coexistence of man and machine, we see their blatant differences, but are also led to notice their basic similarities. In Kubrick’s film, we’re forced to question the function of human destiny and how the sentience of non-humans might affect that. In 2001, it becomes clear that in the endless stream of outer space, the line of mortality and immortality becomes blurred, nearly melding any types of beings together. In the end, both humans and machines die; however, it is the fact that they both lived and felt that made them sentient — and ultimately, alive. — Kaitlin Penn

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SERENITY IF WE WERE TO DISCOVER LIFE ON ANOTHER PLANET, WOULD OUR MINDS BE ABLE TO HANDLE THE REVELATION? Andrei Tarkosvsky’s film Solaris (not to be confused with the 2002 George Clooney remake of the same name) is science fiction at its most challenging. Running at over two and a half hours, the film is slow-paced, but the head scratching is worth the wait. The film tells the story of a man sent to investigate a space ship cut off from communications with Earth while orbiting the planet of Solaris. It unfolds slowly, only revealing piece by piece a greater mystery questioning the very nature of sanity. Perhaps extraterrestrial sentience can come in unexpected biomasses. — Adam Dreyfuss

WORLD PEACE, BUT AT WHAT COST? “You are fooling yourself, captain. Nothing here is what it seems. You are not the plucky hero, the Alliance is not an evil empire, and this not the grand arena.” When The Operative (Chiwetel Ejiofor) says this to Captain Mal Reynolds (Nathan Fillion), the film is practically beating us over the head with the fact that this is not your typical sci-fi adventure. When the television series Firefly was cancelled after only fourteen episodes, the show’s loyal fan base helped it gained cult status. The film Serenity takes place six months after the events of Firefly’s last episode. It is the year 2518, and Captain Mal Reynolds and his crew of lovable outlaws get by as petty criminals. Mal and his second-in-command Zoe Washburne (Gina Torres) are veterans of the unification war. The war resulted in China and the United States forming the Alliance, an authoritarian government organization. In films like this, the future is either bleak or not as good as it seems. Serenity falls right down the middle. On one hand, The Alliance wants a peaceful and sin-free world, but the tactics they employ to accomplish this goal are questionable at best and contradictory at worst. Mal and his crew just want to get the truth out there, and The Operative is correct in saying that nothing is exactly what it seems.—Joyce Famakinwa

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11:10, 1:30, 3:50, 6:10, 8:30 FRI/SAT LS 11:00 ARTHUR CHRISTMAS (PG) 11:40, 2:00, 4:20, 6:40, 9:00 FRI/SAT LS 11:20 MUPPETS (PG) 11:05, 11:35, 1:35, 2:05, 4:05, 4:35, 6:35, 7:05, 9:05, 9:35 FRI/SAT LS 11:35, 12:05 S 3D HUGO (PG) $2.50 PREMIUM PER 3D TICKET 12:45, 3:30, 6:15, 9:00 FRI/SAT LS 11:45 S HUGO (PG) 11:00, 1:40, 4:25, 7:10, 9:55 TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN - PART 1 (PG-13) FRI-TUE, TH 11:00, 11:20, 12:00, 1:35, 1:55, 2:35, 4:10, 4:30, 5:10, 6:45, 7:05, 7:45, 9:20, 9:40, 10:20 FRI/SAT LS 11:55, 12:15 WED 11:00, 11:20, 12:00, 1:35, 1:55, 2:35, 4:10, 4:30, 6:45, 7:05, 9:20, 9:40 S DAILY 11:40, 2:15, 4:50, 7:25, 10:00 S 3D HAPPY FEET TWO (PG) $2.50 PREMIUM PER 3D TICKET 2:20, 9:20 FRI/SAT LS 11:40 S HAPPY FEET TWO (PG) 12:00, 4:40, 7:00 S JACK AND JILL (PG) 11:05, 1:10, 3:15, 5:25, 7:35, 9:45 FRI/SAT LS 11:55 J. EDGAR (R) 1:05, 4:00, 6:55, 9:50 IMMORTALS (R) 12:00, 2:30, 5:00, 7:30, 10:05 TOWER HEIST (PG-13) 12:20, 2:40, 5:00, 7:20, 9:40 FRI/SAT LS 12:00 S A VERY HAROLD & KUMAR CHRISTMAS (R) 9:10 FRI/SAT LS 11:10 S PUSS IN BOOTS (PG) 12:00, 2:10, 4:20, 6:30

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MUSIC

behind the headphones of the Breaking dawn: part one soundtrack Why you’re not too cool to listen

to vampire-werewolf-human love triangle mixtapes

Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack Tracklisting:

by Adam Barnett

ust about as successful as the film itself, the Breaking Dawn: Part One soundtrack debuted at number four on the Billboard Top 200, just below Now 40 (really, 40?). But that’s nothing new; the three previous soundtracks hit number one, two and two respectively, though the music on these soundtracks is far from anything you’d expect from a chart-topper. Actually, it’s far from anything you’d expect to come with a series that caters to the teen-girl-swooners target market. Soundtracks for the saga have included works from Grizzly Bear, Iron & Wine and the Black Keys — so it’s got your big indie kid crowd-pleasers. Then you’ve got some Paramore thrown into the mix and Bruno Mars on this new record, along with those nobody-has-really-heardof-them-but-they’re-super-cools like Fanfarlo and The Features. All the songs work together to paint an audible picture of the hopeless romantic antics of Bella Swan and Edward Cullen, and even if you don’t care too much about whether their relationship will actually work, you have to commend Music Supervisor Alexandra Patsavas on painting a damn good picture with a vast array of artists big and small. Multiple artists have praised the series’ work in exposing their music. Bon Iver’s manager told Rolling Stone in a recent interview that “Twilight was reaching a fanbase that [they] couldn’t.” Could “Roslyn” on New Moon be a contributing factor to Justin Vernon’s steady incline of success with almost everyone you talk to? Possibly. But the size of the artist doesn’t necessarily play the biggest role in song selection. As a well-established music supervisor for multiple films and television series (including Grey’s Anatomy and Gossip Girl) since 1995, Patsavas maintains that her first responsibility as Music Supervisor for the Twilight series is to “find the very best songs for the scenes.” “I think about that before I think about the soundtrack,” she explained. “Because without the song really helping to tell the story in the very best way, I don’t think the soundtrack is as compelling to fans, to be honest.” So when you have a scene where Edward and Bella are lip-locked while Jacob watches — shirtless — from the bushes, Patsavas makes sure that the new Mastodon track isn’t playing, which seems relatively straightforward. But in Breaking Dawn: Part One, possibly the most romantic of the series because of a fancy wedding and honeymoon on a secluded beach during which the newlyweds consummate for the first time, there are a lot of those lovey-dovey moments. So, with so many lovey-dovey songs to choose from in so many moments, therein lies the challenge of creating a work of art from other peoples’ works of music. “Are they walking down the aisle? Is it a conversation? Is it a love scene? Is it a reception? There are definitely differences…” Patsavas said. “Even in the smaller context in love scenes, what meaning and feeling has to get across?” The ability to differentiate between every subtlety is clearly a matter of experience, which Patsavas definitely has. It’s years and years of going through submissions, listening to new music, fitting them with experiences; but it’s a process that Patsavas says is different with each project.

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“It seems like there would be a very scientific approach to it,” she admitted. “But it’s art. So there are all kinds of ways to make that happen.” In the case of Breaking Dawn, Eclipse and New Moon, the process isn’t just as cut-and-dry as getting a submission or suggestion and finding a good place for it. According to Patsavas, each song from these soundtracks is either a remix, a rerecord or a completely new song written specifically for the series. “So often we get great ideas from the fans and bands alike that are already released material,” Patsavas explained. “And that automatically sort of puts them out of the running because we’re interested in debuting new material and having the audience experience these songs for the first time when they watch the picture.” So that super cool St. Vincent-Bon Iver collaboration you heard on the New Moon soundtrack was in fact original to the film. Singer-songwriter Christina Perry, an incredibly open Twilight enthusiast, was given the opportunity to pour her heart into her own Twilight anthem-ballad in Breaking Dawn. Iron & Wine’s “Flightless Bird, American Mouth,” in many ways the Edward and Bella love theme, shows up for the first time in the series since Bella and Edward’s dance at prom. In its reprise form, known as the “Wedding Version,” it functions as a way to tie the knot (so-to-speak) in Bella and Edward’s relationship at the altar. The song, Patsavas believes, is “central to the Edward and Bella love story.” So Iron & Wine is back, but where is Muse, a band with a Stephanie Meyer book dedication and tracks present in the three previous soundtracks? Patsavas simply stated that nothing happened, really. They’re just not on the album. “They’ve contributed so much throughout the project,” she said. “Hopefully, they’ll be back.” Patsavas has been working with music for a long time, even back in college at the good ol’ University of Illinois UrbanaChampaign, where she booked with Star Course. She frequented those shows, and concerts at former venues Mabel’s and Trito’s. Bands she saw perform here in CU like Nirvana, James Dixon and Camper Van Beethoven, she recalled, “had a great impact” on her and her interest in music. Even though she’s on the West Coast working on music placement for some of the biggest shows and blockbusters on the market, or heading her own Chop Shop Records, Patsavas said she still keeps tabs on the CU local scene. So Patsavas is definitely a pretty hip gal. You can even grab the previous soundtracks on vinyl (Breaking Dawn LPs are coming soon). She said there’s nothing going on with Part Two’s soundtrack yet, but her goals for this final one are essentially the same, simple goals she’s maintained through the whole saga: “to create memorable moments for music.” Keep it real, Alex. I may not be the Twilight type, but after trekking through the midnight showing of the newest film, it’s safe to say that you’re one of its saving graces — you and Taylor Lautner’s washboard abs.

1) “End Tapes” — By The Joy Formidable 2) “Love Will Take You” — By Angus & Julia Stone 3) “It Will Rain” — By Bruno Mars 4) “Turning Page” — By Sleeping At Last 5) “From Now On” — By The Features 6) “A Thousand Years” — By Christina Perri 7) “Neighbors” — By Theophilus London 8) “I Didn’t Mean It” — By The Belle Brigade 9) “Sister Rosetta” (2011 Version) — By Noisettes 10) “Northern Lights” — By Cider Sky 11) “Flightless Bird, American Mouth” (Wedding Version) — By Iron & Wine 12) “Requiem On Water” — By Imperial Mammoth 13) “Cold” — By Aqualung & Lucy Schwartz 14) “Llovera” — By Mia Maestro 15) “Love Death Birth” — By Carter Burwell 16) “Like A Drug” (Bonus Track) — By Hard-Fi 17) “Turning Page” (Instrumental) — By Sleeping At Last 18) “Eclipse (All Yours)” [Bonus Track] — By Kevin Teasley 19) “It Will Rain” — By Bruno Mars [Edit]

readbuzz.com November 23 - 30, 2011

For the last time: I do not want to do a jigsaw puzzle.

You can’t spin half-off shoes on your record player Black Friday Record Store Day has you covered at Exile and Parasol by Maggie Labno and an LP live recording of Iron & Wine’s performance on KCRW show Morning Becomes Eclectic. Also included are special releases from the Kings of Leon, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Beastie Boys and Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. “Sort of mirroring Record Store Day,” explained Jim Kelly of Parasol, “it’s more about the releases and getting people into the record stores on that day.” Attaining its goal, Black Friday does indeed result in more customers visiting a record store and consequently an uptick in business as Jeff Brandt, the manager of Exile on Main St., noted. “Black Friday’s always been a day where we do decent business,” he said. “But downtown’s not the frenzy and insanity that the mall area is. So it’s nice that they’ve done this. It does definitely help out,” he said. Those interested in getting their hands on certain releases should act fast since it is expected that a lot of them, like the Nirvana box set, will sell out almost instantaneously. The remaining merchandise will stay on the shelves. Parasol will keep the releases they have available for walk-in customers only.

18th Annual

n proper holiday spirit, certain artists have decided to contribute to Black Friday through Record Store Day. Local Champaign-Urbana record stores as well as many others across the world are participating in the event, not by having massive sales, but by stocking some special releases created just for the day. The crowded mall scene can be completely avoided as Parasol and Exile on Main St. are not located in a mall; the merchandise they’ll be selling won’t necessarily be 50% off, but some of it will be exclusively made for that day. Record Store Day’s Black Friday event is still in its beginning years; this year is only the second year with numerous releases, but the artist involvement is impressive. On the list are over 60 different releases from roughly 50 different artists, including legends like Nirvana and the Beatles, along with more recent musicians such as Ellie Goulding and Sea Wolf. Exile has confirmed an extensive list of special releases that will be sold in-store on Black Friday. On that list are, to name a few, a 40th anniversary LP box set of John Lennon’s Imagine, The Doors’ LA Woman box set of 7” singles with original art

“We will not sell them online,” said Kelly. “Being a local record store, this is sort of our way to be rewarded by all the artists and labels but also to reward our customers.” The leftovers will remain on shelves at Exile also, but said some releases will be up online. “As some of the stuff gets really, really collectible and the prices online go way up, I’ll usually wait at least a week to make sure our regular customers can have a shot at it, but sometimes they spike in value so much that it is kind of hard to not put them online. I don’t do that if we only have one or two left; I’ll just let someone come in and buy it.” If buying a release made specifically for the Black Friday event isn’t enough reason to visit a local record store that day, supporting a local store should be. “You’ll be supporting a local business as opposed to supporting faceless corporations,” Brandt said. Parasol is also planning on releasing a schedule of events, so stay tuned to hear more information about that. Black Friday Record Store day takes place on November 25. Parasol, located in Urbana on 303

W Griggs St, will be open from 9 a.m. to 7 p.m., and Exile on Main St., located on 1 E Main St. in downtown Champaign, will remain open from 10 a.m. to 9 p.m.

Need more record store shenanigans? Exile is celebrating its seventh anniversary on Saturday, November 26 with a whole bunch of cool sales on records. And then the Dirty Feathers are playing on top of a float for the Parade of Lights. That’s cool, right? Black Friday and lit Saturday. I wonder what adjective will go with Sunday. —Adam Barnett

briefbox

November 25: Parasol 303 w. Griggs st. Time: 9 am - 7 pm

exile on main st 1 E. Main st. Time: 10 am - 9 pm

WPGU 107.1 is hosting a pledge drive this holiday season to grant pie-in-the-sky wishes for children right here in the Champaign County community.

Listen to the 48 hr. WPGU DJ LOCK-IN December 1st and 2nd WPGU DJs Bill Hinderman, John Clishem, Kelly

Durkin, Andrew Morrison, Mike Nauheimer, Ashley Kordik, Lindsay Prossnitz, DJ Placek, Kelly Ferry and Masood Haque will be trapped in the studios begging for

IS ON THE AIR

your pledges. Will they be naughty or nice with each other?

Donate online at wpgu.com/santa Benefiting the Champaign Crisis Nursery & Parent Wonders of Rantoul Sponsored by

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Food

Drink

Leftovers, Leftovers, Everywhere

New ideas for an age-old week of feasting

by Stacey Klouda Everyone’s favorite day to get stuffed for little to no apparent reason marks an even more exciting holiday for me — Leftovers Day/Week. Instead of getting geared up for Black Friday or Christmas, we should all be caroling, “On the fifth day of Leftovers, my mother made for me… [fill in turkey concoction].” But all that turkey can get monotonous if you’re stuck in the vicious cycle between alternating blah turkey sandwiches and tryptophan comas. So now that you’ve had a little time to digest this year’s Thanksgiving feast, you face one of mankind’s most perilous questions — what to do with all that leftover goodness? Here at buzz, we’ve got a few ideas for even the most anti-leftovers people out there: » Instead of the same old turkey sandwich, why not swap out the bread for tasty stuffing patties and throw on some bacon for good measure (see recipe below)? » Have a Black Friday party with home friends you never get to see and leftovers like you’ve never seen them before! Make mini Turkey Sliders out of rolls, turkey, cranberry and whatever you have on hand, and put a tooth into each one for easy handling. These little guys go great with hot cider and sale-hunting stories. » Make some laid-back holiday cookies using leftover mashed potatoes that will leave even your Aunt Karen begging for the recipe at the next cookie exchange (see recipe below). » Finally, give your leftover pumpkin pie a sec-

ond life as a delicious parfait (yeah, just look at the bottom of the page or readbuzz.com for the recipes already). So for this year’s Thanksgiving rounds 2, 3 and 7, why not try one of these interesting options and start a new tradition to see who can come up with the wildest and tastiest thing to do with leftovers? Happy Leftovers Week!!

Magic Mashed Potato Cookies Ingredients: (Yield: 4 dozen) » 1 cup molasses » 1/2 cup butter » 1 cup cold mashed potatoes » 2 cups flour » 1/2 teaspoon salt » 2 teaspoons baking powder » 1/2 teaspoon baking soda » 1 teaspoon cinnamon » 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg » 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves » 1 cup chopped walnuts Directions: 1. In large saucepan, heat molasses and butter until the butter melts. 2. Stir in the potatoes mixing until smooth, add dry ingredients, mix well. 3. Mix in walnuts. 4. Drop onto greased sheet, bake at 375’ 10-12 min.

Leftover Pumpkin Pie Parfait Ingredients: » 1 pumpkin pie, with the custard scooped out and separated from the crust » 1 large ginger cookie » 1 slice of pound cake » 1 tablespoon of amaretto » 1 1/2 cups of soft vanilla ice cream » 2 1/2 cups of whipping cream » 1/4 teaspoon of cinnamon » 3/4 cup of sugar » 1/2 cup of water » 1/2 cup of cranberry sauce Directions: 1. The trifle has four components: a crust-cookiecake crumb bottom, a pumpkin-pie-ice-cream custard, a cinnamon whipped cream and a cranberry sauce syrup — it sounds like a lot of steps, but each honestly takes 2 minutes. Begin by making the crumb. Pulse the pie crust, cookie, pound cake and amaretto lightly in the food processor until you have a crumb mixture. Be careful to stop before the mixture resembles a dough. Set aside. 2. For the custard, combine the pumpkin pie custard filling and the softened ice cream (a vanilla custard) with a hand mixer or a whisk. Set aside. 3. For the whipped cream, whip the cream and the cinnamon together with a hand mixer until the cream reaches a soft peak. 4. For the cranberry syrup, boil together the water, sugar, and cranberry sauce for 10 minutes until it has reduced and become syrupy.

Thanksgiving through the years

Stuffing Sandwich This might be a stretch for a sandwich, in that stuffing stands in for the bread, but it’s delicious. Form some leftover bread-based stuffing into two thin patties (you may need to moisten the stuffing a bit with stock or water to get it to good packing consistency). Layer fillings of your choice between the patties — maybe some shavings of leftover turkey, a few slices of cooked bacon, a slice or two of sharp cheddar and a little hint of cranberry or barbecue sauce. Melt a good bit of butter in a skillet until it foams. Cook the stuffing sandwich on both sides, until it gets a nice brown crust on the outside and is warmed through (it’s important to make sure the stuffing patties are fairly thin; otherwise, the sandwich will never warm through before it starts to stick and burn). Then, eat it! (Recipe concept by Amanda Clarke of seriouseats. com)

A little turkey day history

by Victoria Raymond and Samantha Bakall Thanksgiving is the time of the year when family and friends can get together, share in each other’s company and of course, eat. The Thanksgiving we have come to know today is completely different than the first holiday at Plymouth Rock in 1621. Staples such as turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, gravy and pumpkin pie that are commonly seen on the dinner table now were either nonexistent or had more organic forms. It’s unknown whether the bird of choice (turkey — 96% eat it on Thanksgiving according to the National Turkey Federation!) was on the menu. Deer instead took center stage as the main course. Some seafood, such as lobsters, oysters and mussels were present, as well. The standard sweets — pumpkin pie, sweet potato pie and cranberry sauce — were also unavailable. Pumpkins existed back then, but it would be another 50 years before it would be made into pie. Cranberries were also available at the time, but they would not have been used as a sauce for another 50 years because no one had the idea to mix the berry with sugar to sweeten meat! Sweet potatoes were unavailable in the New World and had to be imported from Spain or the Caribbean. The picturesque turkey baked with stuffing made its appearance sometime in the late 18th century. A recipe from 1792 tells the cook to “make a stuffing as follows: take the crumb of a halfpenny roll, rub it through a colander, a quarter of a pound of beef-suet chopped 8

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fine, some sweet herbs, parsley, and lemon-peel shred fine, grate in a little nutmeg, season it with pepper and salt, mix it up with a egg, and put it in the breast of the turkey, put the skin over and fasten it to the back with a skewer; spit it, singe it, and tie paper over the breast, put it before a moderate fire.” However, Thanksgiving was not a regular yearly holiday, and

turkey did not take over as the centerpiece of the meal until the 1800s when Sarah Joseph Hale, editor of the popular women’s magazine Godey’s Lady’s Book, petitioned several presidents. As part of her campaign, she included a model dinner in the magazine with recipes for turkey and pumpkin pie. Like all practical cooks, people have modified their Thanksgiving dinners to reflect their taste, culture and what was available in the 19th century. For example, chilies and other southwestern flavors add a regional distinctiveness to stuffing and side dishes, such as southern corn bread. Deep-frying a turkey is another regional modification. Originating in the South, many cooks claim that this method produces moist and crispy birds that have won over many people nationwide. Another turkey trend that has become very popular is the turducken, which is a deboned turkey stuffed with deboned duck, which in turn is stuffed with a deboned chicken. There are several people who claim to have invented the concept, but the most credible are two brothers, Sammy and Junior Herbert, at their family meat market, Hebert’s Specialty Meats in Louisiana (in 1985, according to National Geographic). This year, locally sourced turkeys, vegetables, breads and desserts continue to make a growing appearance on holiday tables. Who knows what new trends the future may bring? Happy Thanksgiving!

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Grandma will pay for this.

Chillin’

November 23 - 30, 2011

Foods to cure your cold

by Victoria Raymond and Samantha Bakall

Achoo! Your head is pounding, there’s a tickle creeping up your throat and your nose is stuffy. Cold season is here, and here to stay. Nothing feels betters than lying in bed, drinking tea and eating soup. While you’re sick in bed, here are few suggestions for what to eat, and what to avoid, to get you back on your feet. Stay away from mucus-triggering foods. Avoid dairy, sugar, white flour and wine. Foods like this will feed your cold and keep you sicker longer. Fresh garlic has antibacterial and antiviral properties, which makes it a great food to eat while sick. And you thought it was only good for warding off vampires. Fresh garlic can easily be mixed with olive oil and lemon in a simple salad dressing such as this one from allrecipes.com:

Lemon Garlic Salad Dressing:

Chicken Noodle Soup

» 1/4 cup light olive oil » 2 tablespoons lemon juice » 1/4 teaspoon white sugar » 1 clove garlic, chopped » 1/8 teaspoon ground dry mustard Directions 1. In a blender or food processor, blend the olive oil, lemon juice, sugar, garlic and mustard until smooth. 2. Toss with fresh greens or vegetables. Suggestions for vegetables if you want to amp up the cold-kicking powers of this salad are cooked spinach, carrots and sweet green and red bell peppers. Spinach and carrots are high in Vitamin A, which helps to strengthen the immune system. Sweet green and red bell peppers provide Vitamin C, which decreases the severity of cold symptoms as well as the length of time you feel sick. There’s a reason why mom made you chicken noodle soup when you were sick, and it wasn’t just because she loved you. Chicken noodle soup, or any hot liquid, can help soothe a sore throat and clear nasal passages. Hot liquids increase the temperature within the neck and throat so that viruses and bacteria start to die off. Avoid creamy soups such as cream of mushroom or tomato because the broth contains milk, which keeps you sicker, longer.

» 1 tablespoon butter » 1/2 cup chopped onion » 1/2 cup chopped celery » 4 (14.5 ounce) cans chicken broth » 1 (14.5 ounce) can vegetable broth » 1/2 pound chopped cooked chicken breast or you can cube raw chicken and boil it to save time . » 1 1/2 cups egg noodles » 1 cup sliced carrots » 1/2 teaspoon dried basil » 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano » salt and pepper to taste Directions 1. In a large pot over medium heat, melt butter. Cook onion and celery in butter until just tender, 5 minutes. 2. Pour in chicken and vegetable broths and stir in chicken, noodles, carrots, basil, oregano, salt and pepper. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer 20 minutes before serving.

CU Sound off

by Thomas Thoren

What kind of cookie would you create? Whether you’re looking to grab a dessert to go or one you can savor while sitting down, there is no better option than the triedand-true cookie. But you can’t just eat the same mundane chocolate chip cookies all the time. No — you have to mix it up and get creative if you want to find your perfect combination of ingredients.

Mine would begin with peanut butter, but not so much that its flavor overwhelms all the others. It will need something to firm it up, so some ground-up walnuts or pecans should do the trick. A few craisins can balance them out with a little chewiness to satisfy everybody. And to make it clear that this is indeed a dessert and

not a granola bar, I’d finish it off with a generous amount of dark chocolate — both inside and drizzled on top. There it is. My perfect cookie. Now I just need to find somebody who knows how to bake. What kind of cookie would you create?

Payman Tohidifar

Kaitlyn Webb

Karah Bush

Graduate student, Chemical Engineering

year and major

Senior, Kinesiology

“Raisins, chocolate and some strawberries to add some flavor. I’m not a big baker. I’ve never tried (this cookie) before.”

“Hershey’s Kisses on top of the cookie. The cookie is chocolate, as well — so double chocolate — but it has to be dark chocolate. And then raspberries on top.”

“I have two different kinds: a turtle cookie with nuts and chocolate and caramel — and those cookies that have the cranberry raisins with the white chocolate in them.” buzz

The Porn identity by Erin Maturo According to Internet Filter Review in 2006, “Every second, $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography, 28,258 Internet viewers are viewing pornography, 372 Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines, and every 39 minutes, a new pornographic video is made in the United States.” With this many For Guys: Unfortunately, I have found that most girls feel you are judging them based on the situations and actions you see portrayed in porn. Meghan Miller, a college sophomore commented, “If guys watch [porn] and then they feel you don’t perform to that level, I think it’s definitely a letdown.” Although women do feel limited by these expectations that they assume men have, do not think that you’ll never get your girlfriend to watch porn with you. Many girls actually described porn as sexy, and believe it or not, girls actually look for tips from pornos. Briana Hyde went into details about this: “I definitely think that porn is unrealistic; it’s unachievable because boys get certain expectations from it. However, I think that if you watch it with your significant other and make it your own, it’s incredibly sexy.” Another college student, Jennifer Cho explained, “I feel [porn] could be used like as a tutorial for some things. Like there are some things you can learn from it. But at the same time, it’s very skewed.”

NOT JUST JUNK

people buying, viewing and making pornography, one has to wonder about the effect porn has on the public and its views about sex. In order to uncover people’s true perceptions about porn, I decided that this week I would interview as many people as I could about the subject. I thought that talking to strangers about pornography

things you should consider:

1) Contrary to popular belief, many girls actually enjoy porn and like the idea of watching porn with you. 2) However, girls think you expect them to be as good in bed and freaky as porn stars, so it is important that you reassure them this is not the case. 3) Be courageous and try asking your girl her opinions about porn, but be ready to be sensitive and explanatory as well.

For Girls: Firstly and most importantly: most men understand that pornography is very unrealistic and dramatic! When asked if they expect their girlfriends to perform similarly to porn stars, here were some of the answers I received:

would be awkward, but I didn’t expect to learn so much about the effects porn has on many people’s sex lives and the misconceptions we all have. Let me divide this into two sections: For Guys and For Girls. You should read both no matter what your gender is. *Note: Some names have been changed by request to protect privacy.

» “They’re porn stars; I don’t want to date a porn star.” » “She should not live up to any expectations enforced by porn stars because they are porn stars, and I always expect that my girlfriend should be classier than the porn star grade.” » “Hell no, she’s better than that. Any girl is better than that.” It is obvious, then, that men don’t necessarily feel that their significant others need to achieve porn star standards. In fact, many guys actually felt that their significant other performed just as well if not better than porn stars. Next, do not feel weird if you want to watch porn with your significant other. As stated in the “For Guys” section, about half of the female respondents felt that watching pornography with their significant other would be sexy. Men feel this way, too, while still recognizing the unrealistic aspects of porn. Tom Thomas, a college junior, explained to me, “I guess [porn] is unrealistic. But I think the best thing about porn is the fact that you and your significant other can try things you see in porn.”

Finally, it is important to recognize that guys also feel some standards are expected from them due to pornography as well. Some men felt inferior to male porn stars whether it was because of their performance or genitalia size. things you should consider:

1) Most men understand that porn is unrealistic, and therefore, you should feel confident with your own performance in bed and not feel limited by standards most men don’t actually have. 2) Similar to your insecurities, guys think that you expect them to perform a certain way in bed, so assure them this is not the case. 3) Don’t be afraid to take tips from porn and/or try watching porn with your significant other. In most cases, they will be thrilled, and it can bring a new element into your sex life. My hope is that this article has opened your eyes not only to see the misconceptions we all have about porn, but also the many possibilities and positive influences porn can have on your sex life. Be adventurous, be open-minded, but most of all, be confident.

Stanley Lee, owner of Le Shoppe, lives for vintage

by Ellie Brzezenski “I hear it a lot: they wouldn’t picture a black guy owning a vintage shop. So they think I just work here and I don’t know anything because it’s someone else’s shop and I’m just running the register,” laughed Stanley Lee as he sat, talking to me in the back room of his store, Le Shoppe. Though he speaks quietly, his laid-back demeanor and hip outfit told me this guy loves what he does. True, he may not be the first image that comes to your mind when describing your stereotypical thrift store owner (if there is a stereotype), but Lee has a lifetime of thrifting experience to back him up. Looking around the store, located at 110 E. University in Champaign, customers can come to fully understand and appreciate Lee’s love of fashion. Carefully selected clothing, accessories and other oddities grab your attention from both the racks and from the ceiling. “I go out Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays — get up about six o’clock [a.m.] and dive in,” Lee said, describing the process of choosing items for his store. “I’ve been doing it for about 15 years. I just start in Danville and make rounds though Oakwood, Saint Joe, Ogden, and I hit all garage sales. I’ll pick up an item here or there — I kind of never pass a garage sale without buying something. My car won’t seem to let me pass a sale; if I see a sale, there’s something there I think I can make a dollar off of.” 10

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Le Shoppe offers a wide variety of both men’s and women’s clothing. Highlights include a dress selection organized chronologically by decade and a rotating wheel of awesome vintage coats celebrating a variety of sports teams. Though he describes himself as an unconventional thrift store owner, Lee said he has always had a love, and an eye, for vintage. “I really don’t know what got me into it. I started collecting matchbox cars [as a kid], and then I started taking them apart and airbrushing them. I saw what kind of money I could make off of selling a matchbox car — they sold pretty good — and I eventually started going to sales and picking up things and listing on the internet.”

It’s a passion and a lifestyle not everyone can comprehend, but for Stanley, thrifting has always been a part of his life. Lee discussed his childhood growing up in Alabama: “I collect bikes [now] because my brother and me used to build bikes as a kid. I was poor coming up, so my dad would take us to the city dump where everyone dumped their trash. That was our Saturday thing, to go though people’s garbage. Me and my brother never had a bike, so we’d go out and maybe find a wheel today — next Saturday we might find a frame, we might find a seat.” Before coming to own Le Shoppe, a name he hopes to one day change to So Called Junk, Lee

sold vintage items online and out of his home. “I wanted to study vintage fashion, so I got on the Internet when MySpace came out and studied what everyone wore in California, New York and [saw] the kind of money they were spending. I started taking my own pictures using a tripod, and I dressed in vintage and sold a lot online. Then I had three bedrooms in my house that I turned into a store where I had girls and guys come over to model and help me out. So I filled my three bedrooms with collecting everything that was leather or that I could resell or what I thought I could sell online.” Today, Stanley Lee says he loves being his own boss and making his own hours. He’s excited for the future of So Called Junk and hopes to incorporate elements of high fashion into his business again. Lee said he wanted to plan a Le Shoppe Fashion Show in the future, as well as get back to using photography and modeling to promote his business. However, between running his store and developing his presence on the Internet, Lee said he often finds himself stretched thin and without time, a reason So Called Junk is taking off slower than expected. Still, Lee said this is the best job he’s ever had, and his enthusiasm for thrift only continues to grow: “[They] see it as junk. I see it as treasure … I just have a love for it.”

CALENDAR

NOVEMBER 23 - 30, 2011

Complete listing available at

SUBMIT YOUR EVENT TO THE CALENDAR: Online: forms available at the217.com/calendar • E-mail: send your notice to calendar@the217.com • Fax: 337-8328, addressed to the217 calendar

THE217.COM/CALENDAR

Snail mail: send printed materials via U.S. Mail to: the217 calendar, Illini Media, 512 E. Green St., Champaign, IL 61820 • Call: 531-1456 if you have a question or to leave a message about your event.

THURSDAY 24 Art & other exhibits Celebrating the King James Bible at 400 Exhibit 8:30am, U of I Main Library Art @ the Y presents ‘Waveland: A Meditation’ 9am, University YMCA Strands 10am, Cinema Gallery Warriors, Guardians, and Demons 9am, Spurlock Museum Makeba! 9am, Krannert Art Museum and Kinkead Pavilion Watercolors, Photos and Drawings by Michael Fuerst 8am, 133 West Main Jerusalem Saved! Inness and the Spiritual Landscape 9am, Krannert Art Museum and Kinkead Pavilion Astral Convertible Stage Set 9am, Krannert Art Museum and Kinkead Pavilion

Mind, body, & spirit Counseling Center Among Women Support Group 6:30pm, Asian American Cultural Center Lunchtime Express Core with Maggie Taylor 12pm, Amara Yoga & Arts Yarn ‘n Yak 7pm, Rantoul Public Library

Sports, games, & recreation Bingo for Silly Prizes 9:30pm, Mike ‘n Molly’s

FRIDAY 25 Art & other exhibits

Lunchtime Express Power Flow with Certified Yoga Teacher Amanda Reagan 12pm, Amara Yoga & Arts Celebrating the King James Bible at 400 Exhibit 8:30am, U of I Main Library Art @ the Y presents ‘Waveland: A Meditation’ 9am,University YMCA Strands Classes, lectures, & 10am, Cinema Gallery Warriors, Guardians, workshops and Demons Weekday Orthodox 9am, Spurlock Museum Minyan and Breakfast Makeba! 7:30am, The Hil9am, Krannert Art lel Foundation — The Margie K. and Louis N. Museum and Kinkead Pavilion Cohen Center for JewWatercolors, Photos ish Life DJ Ollie & DJ Hot Saus and Drawings by Michael Fuerst 10pm, Highdive 8am, 133 West Main Live music & Jerusalem Saved! Inkaraoke ness and the Spiritual Liquid Courage Karaoke Landscape 9pm, 9am, Krannert Art Memphis on Main Museum and Kinkead Bentley’s Thursday Pavilion Night Karaoke Astral Convertible 3pm, Bentley’s Pub Stage Set

9am, Krannert Art Museum and Kinkead Pavilion

Live music & karaoke John Clark’s Birthday Bash 9pm, Canopy Club ‘Appy Hour 5:30pm, Silvercreek DJ Delayney 10pm, Highdive DJ Tommy Williams 9pm, Chester Street Karaoke w/ DJ Bange 9pm, Phoenix

Mind, body, & spirit Friday Night Live 6:45pm, ChampaignUrbana Jewish Federation

Sports, games, & recreation Open Gym Volleyball 5:30pm, Champaign County Brookens Administration Center

SATURDAY 26 Art & other exhibits Celebrating the King James Bible at 400 Exhibit 8:30am, U of I Main Library Strands 10am, Cinema Gallery Warriors, Guardians, and Demons 10am, Spurlock Museum Watercolors, Photos and Drawings by Michael Fuerst 8am, 133 West Main Jerusalem Saved! Inness and the Spiritual Landscape 9am, Krannert Art Museum and Kinkead Pavilion Astral Convertible Stage Set 9am, Krannert Art Museum and Kinkead Pavilion

Art @ the Y presents ‘Waveland: A Meditation’ 9am,University YMCA Makeba! 9am, Krannert Art Museum and Kinkead Pavilion

Live music & karaoke Let the Bass Kick 10pm, Cowboy Monkey AD/HD Tribute to AC/ DC 8pm, Canopy Club Jazz Music by Panache 7pm, Jim Gould Restaurant

Mind, body, & spirit Kids Yoga 10:30am, Amara Yoga & Arts

SUNDAY 27 Art & other exhibits Celebrating the King James Bible at 400 Exhibit 8:30am, U of I Main Library Warriors, Guardians, and Demons 12pm, Spurlock Museum Watercolors, Photos and Drawings by Michael Fuerst 8am, 133 West Main Astral Convertible Stage Set 2pm, Krannert Art Museum and Kinkead Pavilion Makeba! 2pm, Krannert Art Museum and Kinkead Pavilion Art @ the Y presents ‘Waveland: A Meditation’ 9am, University YMCA

Live music & karaoke Open Mic Nite 7pm, Phoenix

Sports, games, & recreation

10pm, Memphis on Main

Big Dave’s Trivia 7pm, Cowboy Monkey

TUESDAY 29

MONDAY 28

Art & other exhibits

Art @ the Y presents ‘Waveland: A Meditation’ Celebrating the King 9am, University YMCA James Bible at 400 Celebrating the King Exhibit James Bible at 400 8:30am, U of I Main Exhibit Library 8:30am, U of I Main Watercolors, Photos Library and Drawings by MiWarriors, Guardians, chael Fuerst and Demons 8am, 133 West Main 12pm, Spurlock MuArt @ the Y presents seum ‘Waveland: A MeditaWatercolors, Photos tion’ 9am, University YMCA and Drawings by Michael Fuerst Classes, lectures, & 8am, 133 West Main workshops Jerusalem Saved! InPoetry Workshop ness and the Spiritual 7:30pm, Red Herring Landscape Coffeehouse 9am, Krannert Art MELD: Monday Evening Museum and Kinkead Life Drawing Group Pavilion 7pm, McGown Photog- Astral Convertible raphy Stage Set 9am, Krannert Art Live music & Museum and Kinkead karaoke Pavilion 80’s Night w/ DJ Makeba! Mingram 9am, Krannert Art 10pm, Highdive Museum and Kinkead Abe Froman Project Pavilion Monday Night Improv/ Rockstar Karaoke Classes, lectures, & 9pm, Mike ‘n Molly’s workshops Electro/Industrial Revive, Restore, Relax: Night Weston Wellness 9pm, Chester Street 3pm, Weston Residence One Dollar Wild MonHall days Slow Flow Yoga with 10pm, Canopy Club Amanda Reagan

Art & other exhibits

Movies & theater

5:30pm, Amara Yoga & Arts What the Health? Strategies for Achieving Mind/Body Wellness 7pm, Illini Union

Monday Night Comedy 7pm, Illini Union

Live music & karaoke

Sports, games, & recreation

DJ Hot Saus 10pm, Highdive Legendary Shack Shak-

Mind, body, & spirit Hatha Yoga with Grace Giorgio 5:30pm, Amara Yoga & Arts

Bingo Night

ers 7pm, Highdive RockStarz KaraokePresented by 3L Entertainment 8pm, The Corner Tavern RockStarz KaraokePresented by 3L Entertainment 10pm, Bentley’s Pub Rockstarz Karaoke 10pm, Chester Street Dueling Guitars at Jupiters/Crossing 8pm, Jupiter’s II Open Mic Night 10pm, Cowboy Monkey The Piano Man 9pm, Canopy Club

Miscellaneous Man UP (Men’s Support/Social Group) 7pm, Activities and Recreation Center (ARC)

Landscape 9am, Krannert Art Museum and Kinkead Pavilion Astral Convertible Stage Set 9am, Krannert Art Museum and Kinkead Pavilion Makeba! 9am, Krannert Art Museum and Kinkead Pavilion

Classes, lectures, & workshops Storyshop at the Branch 10:30am, Douglass Branch Library

Live music & karaoke

Donnie Heitler -- Solo Piano 6pm, Great Impasta Salsa Dancing Movies & theater 10pm, Israeli Movie Club Cowboy Monkey 7pm, Hillel Foundation - Coyote Ugly Night w/ The Margie K. and Louis DJ Stifler N. Cohen Center for 9pm, Highdive Jewish Life Open Mic Nite 7pm, Phoenix Sports, games, & DJ Tommy Williams recreation 9pm, Chester Street Trivia Tuesdays 7pm, Memphis on Main Mind, body, & spirit Canterbury Student WEDNESDAY 30 Association Supper Art & other exhibits 5:45pm, St. John the Divine Episcopal Art @ the Y presents Church ‘Waveland: A MeditaCafe Ivrit tion’ 7pm, Espresso Royale 9am, University YMCA Bible and Brew Celebrating the King 8pm, St. Andrew’s James Bible at 400 Lutheran Church and Exhibit Campus Center 8:30am, U of I Main Library Miscellaneous Warriors, Guardians, Tango Dancing and Demons 7:30pm, Cowboy Mon9am, Spurlock Museum key Watercolors, Photos Open Mic Comedy and Drawings by MiNight chael Fuerst 9pm, Memphis on Main 8am, 133 West Main IUBazaar Winter Craft Jerusalem Saved! InFair ness and the Spiritual 10am, Illini Union

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NOVEMBER 23 - 30, 2011

employment

HELP WANTED

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HELP WANTED

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BUSINESS OPPS

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FOR RENT

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2, 3, and 4 BR's. www.robsapartments.com 1010 W. Springﬁeld, Urbana. Fall 2012. 3 & 4 Bedrooms. 1 Block to Siebel. 4 Blocks to Union. (217) 344-3008 baileyapartments.com

3rd & Clark

Outstanding 4 bedroom/2 bath and 3 bedroom/1 bath. Leather furniture, hardwood ﬂoors and 50" plasma. Gorgeous! From $250/person. Ted Pfeffer 766-5108 705 S. First St., C 3 & 4 bedroom furnished apartments for 2012. No pets. Schedule to see them before they're gone! 217-367-2009 www.tricountymg.com

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Trying to find the latest

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58 E. Armory, C. 201 E. Armory, C. 604 W. Stoughton,C. 1004 S. Locust, C. 1009 W. Clark, U. 1010 W. Clark, U. 1012 W. Clark, U.

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Great location. 2 blocks from main quad. Leather furniture, hardwood floors, & flat screen TV. Loft style 4 and 5 bedrooms, each with 2 full bathrooms. Great location! Just across from the U of I Armory.

Available Fall 2012: 4BR Loft $1600 GREGORY 5BR Loft $1880 TOWERS

Do You Want Close? Leasing for Fall 2012 1010 W. Springfield

Close In Urbana Locations

Illini Union 3 1/2 Blocks Mech. Eng. 3 Blocks

3&4 BEDROOMS Office 911 W. Springfield, Urbana 344-3008 www.BaileyApartments.com Check us out on facebook!

1 Bedroom 901 W. Springfield, U $ 520-570 911 W. Springfield, U $ 525-595 1004 W. Springfield, U $ 499-529 2 Bedroom 901 W. Springfield, U $ 695-$740 111 S. Lincoln, U $ 795 3 Bedroom 1010 W. Springfield U $ 999-1272 4 Bedroom 1010 W. Springfield, U $ 1696 For Info: (217) 344-3008 911 W. Springfield, Urbana www.BaileyApartments.com

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NOVEMBER 23 - 30, 2011

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102 S. LINCOLN URBANA (Green & Lincoln) Fall 2012 2, 3 & 4 Bedroom FREE INTERNET

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UPSCALE condo overlooking West Side Park. FREE heat, water and laundry $1100/month. Call 373.4891

Castle on Locust

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503 S. Urbana 2 Bedroom, 1.5 bath, W/D hookups, covered parking, near Lincoln Square. $625. Contact 217-202-3529.

605 W. University, C. 1 BR available December 1st. Convenient, old-town Champaign location on busline. $410/mo. View on our website and call 217-352-8540 for appointment. www.faronproperties.com

SUBLETS

605 E. CLARK CHAMPAIGN

440

Available January-July 1 Bedroom 1 bath In Urbana Historic area. On bus lines, 2 blocks east of Lincoln Square, and close to campus. Rent $425/mo with deposit $425 (negotiable). call 217-841-8438

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510

821 W. Columbia, C. 3 BR, basement, hardwood ﬂoors, 2 car garage $850/month 217-493-4729

411 W. Green, Champaign August 2012 Outstanding 5 or 6 bedroom, 2 bath, excellent, $1800/mo Ted 766-5108

HOUSES

ROOMMATE WANTED 550

Furnished 4 and 5 bedroom houses on campus near Ohio and Lincoln and Stoughton and Sixth. Fall 20122013. Call 356-1407.

712 W California in Urbana

Available 2012. 10 bedroom, 2 bathroom house, washer & dryer, and close to all bus lines. $275/room Call George (217) 367 6626 Christian cooperative house for graduate and upperclassmen. Residents have their own room, share common living area, kitchen, and house chores. Rates based on room size, $400-$600 per month. Includes Utilities. 309 E. John, Champaign, call Baptist Housing Ministry 344-0484. www.uoﬁbaptist.org Fall 2012

CAMPUS HOUSES

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Available Now Share 4 Bedroom. 1010 W. Springﬁeld, Urbana. 344-3008

things to do

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SPRING BREAK POKER CRUISE! Royal Caribbean March 17-22 from Tampa! Cash games and tournaments. (727) 331-4335. anteupmagazine.com/cruise

announcements

Available Now Share deluxe, furnished, 3 BR apartment at 205 E Clark. Available now and Spring Semester. Ted 766-5108.

LOST & FOUND

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Dropped Tuesday November 1st at 1:40 pm by cyclist on the quad. Call 244 0658

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readbuzz.com November 23 - 30, 2011

taco time

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY ARIES

March 21-April 19

“Basic research is what I am doing when I don’t know what I am doing,” said rocket scientist Werner von Braun. I think it’s an excellent time for you to plunge into that kind of basic research, Aries. You’re overdue to wander around frontiers you didn’t even realize you needed to investigate. You’re ready to soak up insights from outside the boundaries of your understanding. In fact, I think it’s your sacred duty to expose yourself to raw truths and unexpected vistas that have been beyond your imagination’s power to envision.

TAURUS

April 20-May 20

In Woody Allen’s film Midnight in Paris, the Ernest Hemingway character says, “All cowardice comes from not loving, or not loving well enough.” Given the state of your current astrological omens, Taurus, that is an excellent piece of advice. I suspect you are going to be asked to call on previously untapped reserves of courage in the coming weeks -- not because you’ll have to face physical danger but rather because you will have a chance to get to the bottom of mysteries that can only be explored if you have more courage than you’ve had up until now. And the single best way to summon the valor you’ll need is to love like a god or goddess loves.

GEMINI

May 21-June 20

“When I see your face, the stones start spinning!” wrote the poet Rumi, as translated by Coleman Barks. “Water turns pearly. Fire dies down and doesn’t destroy. In your presence I don’t want what I thought I wanted.” I think you need to be in the presence of a face like that, Gemini. You’ve got to get your fixations scrambled by an arresting vision of soulful authenticity. You need your colors transposed and your fire and water reconfigured. Most of all, it’s crucial that you get nudged into transforming your ideas about what you really want. So go find that healingly disruptive prod, please. It’s not necessarily the face of a gorgeous icon. It could be the face of a whisperer in the darkness or of a humble hero who’s skilled in the art of surrender. Do you know where to look?

CANCER

June 21-July 22

“All my life I have longed to be loved by a woman who was melancholy, thin, and an actress,” wrote 19thcentury French author Stendhal in his diary. “Now I have been, and I am not happy.” I myself had a similar experience -- craving a particular type of women who, when she finally showed up in the flesh, disappointed me. But it turned out to be a liberating experience. Relieved of my delusory fantasy, I was able to draw more joy from what life was actually giving me. As you contemplate your own loss, Cancerian, I hope you will find the release and deliverance I did.

LEO

July 23-Aug. 22

If you traveled 300 million years back in time, you might freak out in abject fear as you encountered dragonflies as big as eagles and cockroaches the size of dogs. But since you’re quite safe from those monsters here in the present, there’s no need to worry yourself sick about them. Similarly, if you managed to locate a time machine and return to an earlier phase of your current life, you’d come upon certain events that upset you and derailed you way back then. And yet the odds are very high that you’re not going to find a time machine. So maybe you could agree to relinquish all the anxiety you’re still carrying from those experiences that can no longer upset and derail you. Now would be an excellent moment to do so.

VIRGO

Aug. 23-Sept. 22

To prepare for her role in the film The Help, actress Jessica Chastain forced herself to gain 15 pounds. It was tough, because she normally follows a very healthy diet. The strategy that worked best was to ingest a lot of calorie-heavy, estrogen-rich ice cream made from soybeans. To be in alignment with current cosmic rhythms, it would make sense for you to fatten yourself up, too, Virgo -- metaphorically speaking, that is. I think you’d benefit from having more ballast, more gravitas.

November 23 – 30, 2011

You need to be sure you’re well-anchored and not easy to push around. It’s nearly time to take an unshakable stand for what you care about most.

LIBRA

jone sin’

by Matt Jones

There Goes the Bride”--it was never meant to last.

Sept. 23-Oct. 22

In a famous Monty Python sketch, a Hungarian tourist goes into a British tobacconist’s store to buy cigarettes. Since he doesn’t speak English, he consults a phrase book to find the right words. “My hovercraft is full of eels,” he tells the clerk, who’s not sure what he means. The tourist tries again: “Do you want to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy?” Again, the clerk is confused. In the coming week, Libra, I foresee you having to deal with communications that are equally askew. Be patient, please. Try your best to figure out the intentions and meanings behind the odd messages you’re presented with. Your translating skills are at a peak, fortunately, as are your abilities to understand what other people -- even fuzzy thinkers -- are saying.

SCORPIO

Oct. 23-Nov. 21

SAGITTARIUS

Nov. 22-Dec. 21

There are modern Chinese painters who use oil paints on canvas to create near-perfect replicas of famous European masterpieces. So while the genuine copy of Van Gogh’s “Starry Night” is worth over $100 million, you can buy an excellent copy on the Internet for less than $100. If you’re faced with a comparable choice in the coming week -- whether to go with a pricey original or a cheaper but good facsimile, I suggest you take the latter. For your current purposes, you just need what works, not what gives you prestige or bragging rights.

“It is a tremendous act of violence to begin anything,” said Sagittarian poet Rainer Maria Rilke. “I am not able to begin. I simply skip what should be the beginning.” I urge you to consider trying that approach yourself, Sagittarius. Instead of worrying about how to launch your rebirth, maybe you should just dive into the middle of the new life you want for yourself. Avoid stewing interminably in the frustrating mysteries of the primal chaos so you can leap into the fun in full swing.

Stumped? Find the solutions in the Classifieds pages.

CAPRICORN

Dec. 22-Jan. 19

Across

AQUARIUS

Jan. 20-Feb. 18

The Golden Gate Bridge spans the place where San Francisco Bay meets the Pacific Ocean. It wasn’t easy to build. The water below is deep, wind-swept, beset with swirling currents, and on occasion shrouded with blinding fog. Recognizing its magnificence, the American Society of Civil Engineers calls the bridge one of the modern Wonders of the World. Strange to think, then, that the bridge was constructed between 1933 and 1937, during the height of the Great Depression. I suggest you make it your symbol of power for the coming weeks, Capricorn. Formulate a plan to begin working toward a triumph in the least successful part of your life.

It’s an excellent time for you to get an entourage -- or if you already have one, to expand it. For that matter, it’s a perfect moment for you to recruit more soldiers to help you carry out your plot to overthrow the status quo. Or to round up more allies for your plans to change the course of local history. Or to gather more accomplices as you seek to boldly go where you have never gone before. So beef up your support system. Boost the likelihood that your conspiracy will succeed.

PISCES

Feb. 19-March 20

If you expand your concept of what you’re capable of, you will receive a specific offer to move up a notch. If you perform your duties with intensified care and grace, you will be given new responsibilities that catalyze your sleeping potential. The universe doesn’t always act with so much karmic precision, with such sleek, efficient fairness, but that’s how it’s working in your vicinity right now. Here’s one more example of how reasonable the fates are behaving: If you resolve to compete against no one but yourself, you will be shown new secrets about how to express your idiosyncratic genius.

1 Cop’s ID 6 Like a fairy tale piper 10 Jason’s ship 14 “Like ___” (Grateful Dead song) 15 Capital on a fjord 16 Give praise to 17 It gets seated at the dentist 18 3/4, colloquially 20 She untied the knot from Kris Humphries after 72 days 22 Days before holidays 23 “Oh no! A rat!” 24 Type of shark or shrimp 27 Wine list adjective 28 Subject for EMT training 29 “Blah blah blah” 31 “Hold on Tight” group 32 Chinese-born actress ___ Ling 33 Frame you pass through 35 Singer who at age 22 got married in Vegas, then filed an annulment 55 hours later 38 “Don’t move until I get back” 39 Utter 40 Do the math 41 Org. on toothpaste boxes 42 Jerry’s chaser 43 Police radio report 46 “Drag Me to Hell” director Sam

48 Life force 49 “The Lion King” bad guy 50 She was married to Dennis Rodman for nine days in 1998 54 Goes overboard with the emotion 56 Parks and Acosta 57 Packet at a drive-thru 58 Airport terminal area 59 Tablets that can’t be swallowed 60 “South Park” co-creator Parker 61 “Leave in,” to a proofreader 62 Merry Pranksters member Ken

Down

1 Source of support 2 Get somewhere 3 Like the three marriages described in the theme answers 4 Stares for a long time 5 Krabappel of “The Simpsons” 6 Skier’s layer 7 “Wicked Game” singer Chris 8 Letter-shaped building wings 9 “The lady ___ protest too much, methinks” 10 Asian mountain range 11 Stuff worn in a storm 12 Underside-of-the-desk gunk 13 Poem variety 19 Spot-removing agent 21 Was worried

25 Shade trees 26 Old school hip-hop singer ___ Base 28 They may be swept off pet owners’ couches 29 Canon camera 30 Cultivated dirt 32 Took a chunk out of 33 Manic Panic product 34 Conan rival 35 ___ Bing! (“The Sopranos” club) 36 Make the butt of jokes 37 “Golden” time 38 It’s good for absolutely nothing [hunh] 42 1995 Sandra Bullock technothriller 43 Fulfills the role of 44 Pride event 45 Loud 47 ___ McFly of “Back to the Future” 48 Old slang for a 100-dollar bill 49 Listerine rival 51 Russian fighter jets 52 State, to the French 53 Actor Estrada 54 West Coast clock setting: abbr. 55 Dinghy need

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23 -- 23, 30, 2011 2011 November 17

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AND ANOTHER THING ...

by MICHAEL COULTER

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I suppose her case them in a bag. method that I have a mighty comingwas out news last week that it was easywind to be confused different because she This came from asucks. rich prefer to pickfriends. the leaves up with and pissed off about. I thought about the Wall family and sheIhad famous of the machine on my arm. All of the the name mowerbefore, and then putitthem Street protests, but I’m not sure I really underI’d heard of the but was into bea bag.her Thisfather method also sucks. Eicause was O.J. Simphard work is quickly blown in another ther way, it isand a whole lot ofduring bendson’s friend lawyer direction. The leaf blower should make that ing whole over. The trial math wheredoesn’t O.J. got reoff allykilling add up. I work on yard It’s for a couple of the people. me feel like a Transformer, but it usually for threebe days about 12,000 gotta sadand fordo the family that just makes me feel unskilled. deepfriends knee bends. It’sSimpson fine exerbeing with O.J. is butways the other 362 days of my incise, many the most endearing really no vacation at all. life consist of virtually knee bends. quality zero theydeep possess. So thisThis girl For some reason, it feels like it will be a good often leads to soreness a bad for attitude. becomesand famous being in a time. I imagine myself as an apple-cheeked child, To make matters dog, pornworse video,this andyear, shethe ends upwhich makrolling in leaves with the dog and having a gen- I’d earlier pictured frolicking withit.inThis the ing amyself lot of money from erally fantastic asthought I get all essentially leaves, has makes decided it’s star, an awesome stand what thetime hell playing is goinggrab on. Iass also herthat a porn or at the idea very the work done. In that’s reality,going after on fiveatminutes, I’m to evacuate every last bit of poop from his coabout everything Penn State, least, a hooker. usually covered head withisleaves and mud, in front of the lawn mower’s path. This but I figured all I’d endto uptoe doing repeating what lon Soright she gets a show and puts her whole fametheother dog ispeople the same There’s a cold- whore leads tofamily something canand onlya be described Iand heard say.way. besides that,also it’s beyond on thisthat show, large part of assed wind and quite often rain in the picture, as our as horrifying. population thinks they should watch it on depressing far past disgusting. Now time carry the bags of it’s leaves outbut to well. I’m freezing, and toothe damned I’mit’s sure allto the viewers know crap, So,This as ismeans my nature, I opted toI’m take easy TV. the sidewalk soTV, theysocan eventually be picked up dirty out to go in the for shelter. Hell, I’m too hell, way and justhouse talk about that goddamned it’s on the we’d better watch. Here’s dirty for theKardashian garage. by the city. These bagsthey are generally fairlyand heavy if simpleton girl getting a divorce. the problem, though: are morons, they Thething little is carnival that is picking the up leaves be- appear it is dry, but if itbreeding rains, it definitely adds a new layer The that it’s absolutely least imto be at a stunningly snappy gins for me with the of suckThere to theare process. Water makes of thethem, bags portant topic inthe theceremonial world, butcleaning on the of other pace. already a crapload gutters.it It’s a one-story house, at moronic least my and far heavier, and it be also makes them lesstown stable, hand, sort of sums up just so how I bet it won’t long before every in intenseall fear of heights doesn’ttocome into play possibly allowing to pick up the same leaves has one you living there. we’ve allowed our world become. Ac- America in asurprised row. Also, the aforementioned much. Oh sure,allowing it would still probably be enough tually, forget it. We’ve pretty much several I will times say I’m two idiots got has decided it would be athem load of fun to of a drop to kill mytakes dumb ass, butnothing for some encouraged it. It virtually toreaen- dog divorced at all. Ithat can’t imagine fighting try andanything jump on these bags as Iarguing try to drag them son, I don’t fear being twelve feet off the ground. about tertain us anymore. only because requires This is about onlytopic thing for good say about across the yard. By together “jump on and thesehaving bags,”more I baI know it’s athe tough meI can because that putting sentences the gutter cleaning. Otherwise, it’s pretty basically like thoughts sically mean “attempt tooatmeal. have intercourse with family generally keeps everything hushthan a bowl of sticking your arm inside animal birthing bags.” This should really be much funnier hush. Fortunately, I have aanfilthy inside source: every these My biggest problem with the Freakshow Famthan actually canal about 1,200 timesever in a row and pulling out ily freaking media outlet created. I’d really is itthat theyis. appear to be very proud of all In the end,they’ve it should seem like to an accomplish. accomplisha stinky little handful surprise. like to know how I’mofeven aware of this crap. the things pretended ment, but it really doesn’t. shouldisseem like a It’s ame mixture of leaves and seek dirt and and Where Trust — I don’t actively outsticks informaI come from, if yourItfather the friend water, it gives the impression that,fareven hard work has finally and come to fruition, but it tion onand the Kardashians, and yet I know too lot andoflawyer of a murderer, everyone is passthoughabout they seem move, thea trees have really doesn’t. I should though I have much themunable simplytoby being citizen of ing around a video of feel youas having sex, andmade your leanedIfover the middle of the night and took marriage a great achievement, youthe know, Earth. our in country was saturated with sound was shorterbut than live whatever. version ofI a steaming crap inside every gutter the “Stairway should feelto like Jonas Salk, damned investment advice at the samelast rate we’reon satuHeaven,” it isand not the a reason foryard celhouse. Besides that, it’sFamily, an absolute to living climb should be my The thing is, polio didn’tinside come rated with the Dipshit we’d joy all be ebration. It ispolio. a reason to lock yourself up and a slippery ladder with slick, treadless backhouse the next as strong as theyears. year before high ondown the hog, and the Wall Street problem the andyear notjust leave for several Their shoes. When the gutters are completed, it seems lives and then again thelike year after that to and on. Still, wouldn’t even exist. seem to me something beso ashamed asOf if Icourse, should be finished with all the work for bethe of, justbut looking makes seem a whole lot Kim is in the news this week they back makeon it itseem likeit they’re crapping year. the gutters don’t even72 take that more funturds. than it was. Actually, really causeThe shething got is, a divorce after about hours, golden It’s weird; you’dthat’s reallynot think it long,now and many it’s justofthe true at be all — at least not yet. and herbeginning. fans are wondering if the would more interesting.

The thing is that it’s absolutely the least important topic in the world, but on the other hand, it sort of sums up just how moronic we’ve all allowed our world to become.

buzz