Buzz Magazine: Dec. 23, 2004

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I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. ACTUALLY, NO, NO, I DON’T.

It’s Coming... Champaign-Urbana’s Biggest New Year’s Bash!

NEW YEAR’S 2005 Joe’s Brewery 15th Annual Celebration

706 S. 5th St, Campustown * 384-1790

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$

25 Double Bacardi’s $ 50 Lite/MGD Bottles $ 00 Jager Bombs

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NO COVER BEFORE 9PM

Complimentary Champagne Toast at Midnight * Free Party Favors

New Years Eve PARTY

Single Malt Scotch • Wine • Irish Whiskeys •

• 75 Beers •

Open Daily 4PM - 2AM

Friday Dec. 31st

Doors Open 7pm

Over 600 Danced in 2004

Bottles

PARTY FOOD MIDNIGHT CHAMPAGNE TOAST DESIGNATED DRIVER PROGRAM FREE RIDES HOME FROM ILLINI TAXI

KAM’S 337-3300

105 N. Market St. Downtown Champaign 355-1236

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Main Market

Bacardi Drinks

PARTY FAVORS

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buzz weekly

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Cover • Meaghan Dee Editor in chief • Marissa Monson Art Directors • Meaghan Dee, Carol Mudra Copy Chief • Erin Green Music • Elisabeth Lim Arts • Katie Richardson Film • Paul Wagner Community • Susie An Calendar • Margo O’Hara Photography Editor • Christine Litas Calendar Coordinators • Cassie Conner, Erin Scottberg Photography • Christine Litas Copy Editors • Jen Hubert Designers • Glenn Cochon, Sue Janna Truscott Contributing Writers • Michael Coulter, Seth Fein, Amanda Kolling, Kiel Christianson Production Manager • Theon Smith Sales Manager • John Maly Marketing/Distribution • Rory Darnay, Louis Reeves III Publisher • Mary Cory

TALK TO BUZZ e-mail:

buzz@readbuzz.com write:

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We reserve the right to edit submissions. Buzz will not publish a letter without the verbal consent of the writer prior to publication date.

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Buzz magazine is a student-run publication of Illini Media Company and does not necessarily represent, in whole or in part, the views of the University of Illinois administration, faculty or students.

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| 9 - 12 |

First copy of Buzz is FREE, each additional copy is $.50

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© Illini Media Company 2004

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Learn to Dance

6 weeks $ 58

singles & couples welcome

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Enroll

E BEFOR

H JANe.ce5ivTe $8

and r person! er rds Accepted offCrp edit Ca Classes beginning in January: REGENT Ballroom (Swing & Waltz): Starts Jan. 9, 5-6pm or BALLROOM Jan 11 7:15-8:15pm Salsa: Starts Jan. 6, 7-8pm www.regentballroom.com Argentine Tango: 1401 Regency Dr. Starts Jan. 6, 7:10-8:10pm

359-5333 West Savoy

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holiday special

INTRO

Slowpoke • Jen Sorenson This Modern World • Tom Tomorrow News of the weird • Chuck Shepherd Mendoza Life Line • Seth Fein Sh!ts and giggles

NIGHT LIFE A guide to New Year’s Eve celebrations around town and in Chicago Weekly calendar

FOOD + WINE Holiday recipes from local chefs • Kiel Christianson Holiday drinks • Amanda Kolling Life in Hell • Matt Groening Free Will Astrology

GIFT GUIDE Simple and creative gifts you can make yourself as well as suggestions for the movie-lovers in your life Sound Ground #57 • Todd J. Hunter Shop C-U for unique gifts • Jenny Crabill Merry ‘Buy Nothing’ Christmas • Tim Peters

PREDICTIONS Music Jonesin’ Crosswords • Matt Gaffney Best reads of 2004 Rising artists Movies Shades of Gray • Shadie Elnashai C-U views • Sarah Krohn Spanglish review • Matt Pais Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events review • Randy Ma

CLASSIFIEDS

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APARTMENTS

420

Furnished

APARTMENTS

420

Furnished 3 bedroom. Near Hessel Park, Champaign. All appliances, central air, garage and basement. On busline. No pets or smoking. Credit check. $825/mo. Negotiable. 4031020.

Studio apartment on Hessel Park near campus, groceries, and business. $320 includes water, parking, and garbage. 384-0612.

Our most desirable location on U of I golf course. 1200 sq. ft, 2 bedroom, 2 bath, fireplace, study, dishwasher, W/D, A/C, carport plus parking, balcony/patio. 359-3687.

705 S. 1st St. Apts. First & Green

Luxury 2, 3 & 4 BRM apts, Balconies, Central A/C, 2 Baths CALL FOR AN APPOINTMENT

367-2009

APARTMENTS

420

Furnished

HEALEY COURT APARTMENTS 307- 309 Healey Court. Fall 2005. Behind Gully’s. 2 bedrooms. Ethernet available. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

605 S. Fifth, C. Fall 2005 5th and Green location Outdoor activity area. 1 bedrooms available. Garage off-street parking. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, Champaign. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

<None> COURTYARD ON RANDOLPH 713 S. Randolph,C. Spacious 3BR avail Jan. 1. $695/mo incl. cable, water, parking & trash. Property has laundry fac. & seasonal pool. Conveniently located near campus & DT Champaign. 352-8540 www.faronproperties.com

JOHN STREET APARTMENTS 58 E. John August 2005. Two and three bedrooms, fully furnished. Dishwashers, center courtyard, on-site laundry, central air, ethernet available. Call Chad at 344-9157 352-3182 University Group www.ugroup96.com OLD TOWN CHAMPAIGN 510 S. Elm Available Fall 2005. 2 BR close to campus, hardwood floors, dishwasher, W/D, central air/heat, off street parking, 24 hr. maintenance. $525/mo. 352-3182 or 841-1996. www.ugroup96.com

SUBLETS

440

505 W. Healey. Newly remodeled 1 BR, close to campus, wood floors, new bathroom. Includes water, sewer and garbage. Off-street parking. Pets OK. $425/mo. Will 217-7219685. 511 W. University,C. 1 Bedroom now available $390mo. Near campus and downtown Champaign. 352-8540 www.faronproperties.com

800 W. CHURCH, C.

Now available, newly remodeled 2 BR. Centrally located near shopping/transportation. Onsite laundry, parking included. $425/mo. 217-352-8540 217-355-4608 pm/wknd www.faronproperties.com

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Available for 2nd semester - furnished 1 bedroom apts. at 58 E. Healey. $375-$390 heat paid. Call 351-1803

GREAT VALUE

306- 308- 309 White August 2005. 1 & 3 Bedroom furnished apts. Balconies, patios, laundry, dishwashers, off-street parking, ethernet available. 352-3182, 8411996, 309 S. First. The University Group www.ugroup96.com

SUBLETS

Available for 2nd semester - UF 1 bedroom at 106 E. John. $475 heat & water paid. Call 351-1803 Available for 2nd semester - UF 1 bedroom loft at 803 W. Springfield $460 parking included. Call 3511803

Available for 2nd semester- furnished efficiencies at 602 and 512 E. Clark $295.00 - $355.00. Several remodeled units at 602. Call 351-1803 Available Immediately 408 E. Healey Luxury 1 BR apartment furnished with washer/dryer, dishwasher, jacuzzi tub, microwave, balcony, skylights, high-speed internet. $550/mo. OBO. 217-344-5773 Parking Available

Female roommate wanted for Spring ‘05. $500/ month negotiable, utilities included. Workout room, laundry, great view. ASAP. 217-766-2137. Female roommate wanted. Sublease available Jan 2005 to August 2005. 201 E. Armory. Includes parking, on-site laundry, cable/internet access. $300/mo. Jenny 563505-1546.

Look for Christmas Coulter’s comments throughout the issue. He’s got something to say about everything!

HOUSES

510

Cozy Cottage - near Lincoln Square. Campus. Hardwood floors, 5 room, 2 BR. 359-3687

ROOM & BOARD

540

Want community? Homemade vegetarian meals? Affordable private rooms? www.couch.coop

ROOMMATE WANTED 550 1 bedroom, near campus $300 per month 367-6626 Non-smoking male to share 4 bedroom house near busline. Private furnished bedroom, shared bath and kitchen, W/D, off-street parking, gas & electric included. Dep. & ref. required. $300/mo. 503 S. Westlawn, C. 417-6969.

How to stay cool over the holidays

read buzz then RECYCLE

One bedroom, 1.5 bath, patio, fireplace, parking, pool, on busline. Lease through 8/1/05 with option to renew. Newly renovated flash security building. Available Feb 1st or sooner. Call 721-3111.

Other Rentals 500 HOUSES

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107 W. Pennsylvania - $1450 Renovated 3 bedroom, 1.5 bath. Garage, A/C, W/D, hardwood floors, new appliances. Includes satellite, phone, DSL. Pets ok. On bus line. 714-3150 2 bedroom and 7 bedroom house on campus for Fall 2004. 367-6626. Eight to Nine Bedroom Fall, Campus, $2850 367-6626

JTS PROPERTIES Now leasing for 2005. 101 E Stoughton, C. 3Bdr $1000 25 E. John, C. 4Bdr $1750 27 E. John, C. 3Bdr $900 29 E. John, C. 5Bdr $2000 31 E. John, C. 5Bdr $2200 903 W. Main, U. 5Bdr $1600 910 W. Stoughton, U. 6Bdr $2100 504 S. Broadway, U. 6Bdr $1600 Many more! Call today to make an appointment. JTS Properties 328-4284

Happy Holidays to all from the buzz staff

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Coulter’s comment

2 BR, basement, appliances, W/D hookup. Close to UI, bus, school. No pets. $750. 351-4029.

One bedroom in two bedroom. Available Spring 2005. 105 E. Chalmers. Furnished, huge room. 630-2223344.

We’ve Got The Houses You Want

Coulter’s comments

buzz weekly •

WHAT’D YOU DO LAST NIGHT? I CAN’T TELL YOU, THAT’S CLASSIFIED INFORMATION.

1. If you’re feeling sentimental in any way, turn off the damned TV. One year I broke down during a freaking Maxwell House coffee commercial with an old lady getting a Christmas tree from her neighbors. I don’t know why it made me sad really. I didn’t even drink coffee back then. 2. Don’t overreact. One year I was home alone with my dad and we started watching that Frosty the Snowman cartoon. Well, Frosty melted and I started crying and Dad didn’t know how to control me until Frosty came back to life. He kept giving me Fudgesicles until I almost threw up. To make it worse, I was so involved with the Fudgesicles I missed Frosty’s rebirth. 3. Don’t wear some festive, colorful dopey tie. For every one person who screams they like it, at least 10 others are quietly thinking you’re a moron. 4. Try to hold onto your ability to form an actual sentence. It might be okay if you open a gift from your great grandma and say simply, “Oh, socks.” But don’t stare at lights and vacantly say, “pretty,” or look at a child dressed as an elf and say, “cute.” I know we’re all tired, but that doesn’t mean you have to be lazy.


DE C . 23 26 • b u z z w e e k l y PHONE: 217/337-8337 DEADLINE: 2 p.m. Tuesday for the next Thursday’s edition.

APARTMENTS

410

Furnished/Unfurnished aaa One and Two Bedrooms “Great Rates!!” Jan 1 2005. Go to CU-LIVING.com for details or inquire at info@cu-living.com

INDEX Employment Services Merchandise Transportation Apartments Other Housing/Rent Real Estate for Sale Things To Do Announcements Personals

000 100 200 300 400 500 600 700 800 900

• PLEASE CHECK YOUR AD! Report errors immediately by calling 337-8337. We cannot be responsible for more than one day’s incorrect insertion if you do not notify us of the error by 2 pm on the day of the first insertion. • All advertising is subject to the approval of the publisher. The Daily Illini shall have the right to revise, reject or cancel, in whole or in part, any advertisement, at any time. • All employment advertising in this newspaper is subject to the City of Champaign Human Rights Ordinance and similar state and local laws, making it illegal for any person to cause to be published any advertisement which expresses limitation, specification or discrimination as to race, color, mental handicap, personal appearance, sexual orientation, family responsibilities, political affiliation, prior arrest or conviction record, source of income, or the fact that such person is a student. • Specification in employment classifications are made only where such factors are bonafide occupational qualifications necessary for employment. • All real estate advertising in this newspaper is subject to the Federal Fair Housing Act of 1968, and similar state and local laws which make it illegal for any person to cause to be published any advertisement relating to the transfer, sale, rental, or lease of any housing which expresses limitation, specifications or discrimination as to race, color, creed, class, national origin, religion, sex, age, marital status, physical or mental handicap, personal appearance, sexual oientation, family responsibilities, political affiliation, or the fact that such person is a student. • This newspaper will not knowingly accept any advertising for real estate that is in violation of the law. Our readers are informed that all dwellings advertised in this newspaper are available on an equal oppportunity basis.

DEADLINE:

2 p.m. Monday for the next Thursday’s edition.

RATES: Billed rate: 35¢/word Paid-in-Advance: 28¢/word Photo Sellers 30 words or less + photo: $5 per issue Garage Sales 30 words in both Thursday’s buzz and Friday’s Daily Illini!! $10. If it rains, your next date is free. Action Ads • 20 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $14 • 10 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $7 • add a photo to an action ad, $10

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WHAT’D YOU GET FOR CHRISTMAS? I CAN’T TELL YOU, THAT’S CLASSIFIED INFORMATION.

Transportation 300

410

APARTMENTS

Available Now. 2 bedroom on campus. $550 per month. 367-6626.

420

APARTMENTS

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www.lookatusedcars.com

Apartments

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Available Jan 05 1 bedroom $385, 2 bedroom $590, Campus. 367-6626

1 bedroom lofts $497 2 bedrooms $545 3 bedrooms $650 4 bedrooms $1000 Campus, parking. Fall 04, 367-6626 111One and Two Bedrooms “Great Rates!!” Jan 1 2005. Go to CU-LIVING.com for details or inquire at info@cu-living.com

BEST VALUE 1 BR. loft from $480. 1 Br. $370 2 BR. $470 3 BR. $750 4 BR $755 Campus. 367-6626. zzz One and Two Bedrooms “Great Rates!!” Jan 1 2005. Go to CU-LIVING.com for details or inquire at info@cu-living.com

AVAILABLE FOR FALL 2005

Furnished

1005 S. SECOND, C Efficiencies. Fall 2005. Secured building. Private parking. Laundry on site, ethernet available. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

111 E. CHALMERS, C. August 2005. 1 bedroom. Furniture, skylights, off-street parking, laundry. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

1006 S. 3RD, C. Aug 2005. 1 bedrooms. Location, location. Covered parking & laundry, furnished & patios, ethernet available. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

111 E. Healey, Champaign Now leasing for Fall 2005. Extra Large 1 BD and Efficiencies. Starting at $375/mo. Off-street parking, security building, & 5 floor plans to choose from. JTS Properties 3284284.

105 E. John Available Fall 2005. 1 bedroom furnished, great location. Includes parking. www.ugroup96.com 352-3182 106 E. DANIEL, C. 1 Bedroom $350 2 Bedroom $735 Phone 352-3182 Office at 309 S. First The University Group www.wgroup96.com

56/58 E. Healey, C F 1BR. $390-$425 Corner of Healey and First. Rent includes heat, sewer and hauling. Parking $35.00 per month. Security locked building. On site laundry. 106 E. John, C UF 1BR. $540-$575 Rent includes heat, water, sewer and hauling. Large units with hardwood floors. Parking $35-$50 per month. On site laundry. 202 E. White, C Large 2, 3, and 4 BR furnished apts. On bus line at corner of 2nd and White. Many with fireplaces, balconies, and/or patios. Gated courtyard and on-site laundry. Rents are $600-$850. 512 E. Clark, C F EFF. $345-$365 Rent includes water. Large efficiency units with double closets at corner of Clark and Sixth. Parking $40.00 per month. 602 E. Clark, C. F EFF. $315-$325 Rent includes water. Each unit has patio/balcony area. One heritageBolck from Beckman. Parking $40.00 per month.

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AUTOMOBILES

APARTMENTS

1107 S. 4TH AND GREGORY, C. For August 2005. 3 and 4 bedroom apartments and 2 baths. Best location. Completely furnished. Laundry, parking garage, elevator. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

808 W. Nevada, U water, and parking.

Large 1 bedroom, UF unit with hardwood floors and balcony. $550 including heat,

807/809 W. Illinois, U F 1BR. $495-$560 Large units at corner of Illinois and Lincoln. Rent includes water and hauling. On site laundry. Parking $40.00 per month. 2 blocks from Krannert, 3.5 blocks from Quad. 1009 W. Main, U F 1 and 2 BR. $475-$630. Rent includes water and hauling. Most units have balcony. Many units have remodeled kitchens with dishwashers. On site laundry. Parking $40.00.

HERITAGE PROPERTY MANAGEMENT, INC. 1206 S. RANDOLPH SUITE B, CHAMPAIGN • 351-1803

WESTGATE

207- 211 JOHN Fall 2005 Prime Campus Location 2, 3, & 4 Bedrooms Phone 352-3182 THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

307 & 310 E. White 307 & 309 Clark

Fall 2005. Large studio, double closet, well furnished. Available January. www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

503, 505, 508 E. White 2 Bedroom $700 3 Bedroom $750 & up Lots of Parking www.ugroup96.com 352-3182 493-0429

359-5330 359-5330

Hours: M-F 9-5 Sat 9-1 • www.westgateapts.net

NOW LEASING FOR JANUARY & AUGUST! • Individual Leases w/Roommate Matching Service • Free cable w/HBO, parking, trash & Ethernet • 24 Hour Amenities • On 13 Silver Busline • 1, 2, 3 & 4 Bedroom Apartments

LIMITED NUMBER OF FALL '05 SEMESTER LEASES AVAILABLE Take a Virtual Tour! www.universitycommons.com Hours: Mon-Fri 9am-6pm Saturday 10am-4pm

337-1800

APARTMENTS

• Clean 1 & 2 Bedrooms • Superior • Dependable, 24hr. management NOW LEASING maintenance • Short-term Leases FOR FALL • Free Parking • 24 Hour Courtesy • On Busline Gate House

$0 DEPOSIT

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SEXY IS ALWAYS GOOD ... SEX ISN’T.

buzz weekly •

APARTMENTS

420

Furnished

711 W. Main, U F EFF. $425-$440 Rent includes parking and hauling. Large efficiency units at corner of Main and Busey with gas fireplace, dishwasher and microwave. Each unit has patio/balcony. On site laundry. 808 W. Nevada, U Newly remodeled, UF, 3 BR with sunroom in house. New Kitchen, refinished hardwood floors, laundry room. $1500 including heat, water, and parking.

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MJM/Chateau Apartments 403 E. White, Ch. - $540/mo. 302 S. Fourth, Ch. - $540/mo. •Large 2 Bedroom All Units: •Carpet, A/C, Appliances •Cable & Internet Ready •Parking Available •On-Site Laundry

Ask Tenant Union about us 390-2377 506 E. Stoughton, C For August 2005. Extra large efficiency apartments. Security building entry, complete furniture, laundry, off-street parking, ethernet available. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, Champaign. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

509 E. White, C. Aug. 2005. Large 1 bedrooms. Security entry, balconies, patios, furnished. Laundry, off-street parking, ethernet available. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 604 E. White, C. Security Entrance For Fall 2005, Large 1 bedroom, 2 bedroom loft (HUGE), furnished, balconies, patios, laundry, off-street parking, ethernet available. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

Locust III Apts 906-908 S. Locust St.

Spacious efficiencies and 1,3 & 4 bedroom apts. Some units paid heat/water 1 SPRING LEASE AVAILABLE

367-2009

Shlens Apartments August 2005 904 W. Stoughton 2 BDRMS $780 Cable TV, Dishwasher, Laundry, Covered Parking Available, Computer Desk, Ice Maker Self Cleaning Oven & Internet Available Phone 344-2901 cshlens@aol.com 10AM - 9PM Monday - Sunday

Buzz returns Thursday, January 6. Have a fab New Year!

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chuck shepherd LEAD STORY University of Florida professor Thomas DeMarse revealed in December that he has constructed a primitive “brain” (“live computation device”) out of 25,000 rat neurons and has taught it to maneuver an F-22 fighter jet simulation in a straight trajectory. The brain had to be “taught,” he said, because at first, the plane kept crashing. DeMarse said an organic brain is potentially much more flexible than even the highest-tech computer. The National Science Foundation and National Institutes of Health are funding his work, as models for controlling otherwise-risky unmanned aircraft and for developing epilepsy-fighting drugs.

SCENES OF THE SURREAL (1) Following an October worker compensation fine levied against a ranch in Australia’s outback, after a cowboy fell off a horse and hit his head, the losing ranch owner said he would require all his wranglers to wear helmets instead of the classic cowboy hats (and other ranch owners may follow along). (2) In November, the school district in Spurger, Texas, ended its decades-old Homecoming Week reverse-roles day (in which girls dress as boys and vice versa) after one parent complained that the tradition promoted a homosexual lifestyle; in its place, the school urged kids to dress in military camouflage.

AW E S O M E A N I M A L S In Ruthin, Wales, the owners of the bull Picston Shottle said in November that they believe that piped-in Mozart music helped develop his amazing productivity as a stud; his semen is sold out until April, with enough output to create about 500 “doses” a day (at a price of about US$65 a dose). And sheep farmer Barry Walker touted his flock’s production of superfine Australian merino wool at his operation in New South Wales, helped along, he said, by a secret diet of grains and the piped-in music of Italian singer Andrea Bocelli. In November, BBC News previewed an upcoming story for its wildlife TV magazine show Spy in the Woods, derived from film footage from a stationary hidden camera in the Quingling mountains in northwest China. Featured on the show was a panda doing a handstand against a tree, apparently for the purpose of extending the vertical reach of his urine, to more dominantly mark his territory.

COPYRIGHT 2004 Chuck Shepherd Distributed by Universal Press Syndicate

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mendoza life line

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thur

An hour of independent and underground music. Host: Liz Mozzocco

fri

sponsored by The Highdive

Across The Pond 9pm -10pm Music from the UK. Host: Chris Faron Beats and Rhymes 10pm - 12am Underground and independent hip hop.

sun

sat

Radioactivity

9pm- Sunday 1am Four hours of electronic music to get the party started Hosts: Brendan Clark, Matt Freer and Darin Epsilon Inner Limits 9pm - 10pm Local and sometimes live.

sponsored by CV Lloyd’s & Mike & Molly’s

Radio Zero 10pm - 11pm Music talk and crit. Hosts: Rick Valentin and Rose Marshack of Poster Children sponsored by Parasol Records & That’s Rentertainment

mon

Delusion and Dischord

9pm - 10pm This show puts a spotlight on hardcore -- Prepare to scream along. Host: Dan Maloney

tues

sponsored by Altered Egos

Shrink Wrap 9pm - 10pm WPGU features new music, just as soon as we get the shrink wrap off. Host: Chris Faron

wed

Jambana Radio

9pm - 10pm An hour of jam band on WPGU Hosts: Brian Heisler and Adam Lied

very distinguishable difference between the transient and the resident in a town like this. They say that if you move to NYC and stay there for more than ten years, then you are officially a New Yorker. It’s kind of the same thing here except we are a bit more lenient with the amount of time it takes for you to be christened, so to speak. Here, if you stay for winter or summer break welcome to the club. It’s that simple. Which brings me to my point. Students seem to be a bit retarded when it comes to going to live music shows in Urbana-Champaign. I don’t know what it is really. It could be that the idea of a live music venue just doesn’t make sense to the kids from the suburbs. Or perhaps the venues down here “just don’t compare� to the ones in the windy city. Whatever it is, as a promoter, I can tell you that students, real students, don’t really come out to shows very much. It’s the townies and honoraries that do it. So, on a quick note, a small shout out and thank you to all those who attended any live show this year. Your participation not only helped the community and it’s cultural element, it helped pay for my bills and my DVD of The OC. (Yes, I admit it - I love the shit out of that night time soap!) And there were many great shows this year. Far more great shows than albums anyway. So, I would like to reflect on the 7 best that I saw in town this year. Some of them were grossly under attended. But that is no surprise - the live music loving audience are generally of college aged kids. Enjoy! 7. The Brian Jonestown Massacre - January, 22 2004 @ Nargile - Antom Newcombe is insane. It’s now been documented in this years surprise hit documentary “DIG!�, but for those of us in attendance that night, we got to see it live. He screamed at his band throughout the entire set, drank more than a FIFTH of whiskey and puked in the bathroom, and then, came out and ordered a double. The show itself was pretty damn good considering and it was at a time when people still had high hopes and good things to say about Nargile. 6. Headlights(acoustic) - July 22, 2004 @ Paradiso - I forced my former guitarist/singer onto the stage to help the draw for a show with Via Satellite (members of The Album Leaf). Along with my sister, the two of them stripped down the songs we had been rehearsing as rock songs and turned them into tearful, country-tinged ballads that had everyone stunned. The quietude of Tristan Wraight’s vocals along with Erin Fein’s whispery harmonies woven perfectly with Bud Carroll’s (American Minor) pedal steel made this performance one of my favorite of not just this year, but on a personal level, for all time. 5. Bonnie ‘Prince Billy with Johanna Newsom @ April 17, 2004 - On the final packed night that Nargile ever had, a young woman brought her harp onto stage to open up for Will Oldham and ended

JA N . 5, 2OO5

up turning the place dead silent with intense listening and full-on appreciation. Johanna Newsom’s strange voice and incredible skills on the harp made it hard for anyone to take even a breath on this warm spring night. Oldham performed wonderfully as well, although the show was stolen before he had a chance to take the stage. Although his antics were less insane since the last time he came to Champaign, his voice was just as sweet. Also, his drummer goes to grad school here, so perhaps we will be treated to a return sooner than later. 4. The Blackouts - October 22, 2004 - The Void - Where is The Void? Who knows. But I was there and The Blackouts introduced their new bassist in typical Blackouts fashion. Drunk as a fiddler’s bitch, Steve Ucherek and Co. plowed through 14 songs songs of sloppiness and power to deliver one of the ultimate performances of the year. Everyone agreed - The Blackouts were back and came out swinging. 3. Guided By Voices - June 17, 2004 @ The Highdive - Bob Pollard and Co. are finishing out over 15 years of indie rock this year at Metro. They announced their final tours in May and Captain Ward Gollings was dialed in enough to be able to land one of the great bands of all time on their last stretch. They drank in typical GBV fashion - more than the rest of us and plowed through 2 1/2 hours of non-stop rock as the packed house laughed, danced and wiped some tears from their eyes as CU said goodbye to one of the greats. 2. The Arcade Fire - November 21, 2004 @ The Highdive - This show was moved last minute from Paradiso to accommodate the ridiculous amount of people who bought tickets in the two days before the show. No doubt about it, The Arcade Fire was the Buzz band of late 2004 and they proved their worth at this show. All the members played each other’s instruments, and they all sang and most everyone in the crowd was floored.Let me say this: When the owner of a nightclub is throwing his hands up and yelling for a band, you know that you’ve got something special on your hands. And that is exactly what happened on this particular night. 1. Jason Finkelman’s Nu-Orbit Ensemble meets The Ear Doctor - October 31st, 2004 @ Paradiso No two ways about it. Jason Finkelman and Chadd Dunn are the best percussionists we have in this town. I hear Rocky Moffit is great two but I’ve never seen him. Add Tom Paynter, CU’s very best multi-instrumentalist, from Ear Doctor and you’ve got yourself the most impressive and breath-taking performance of the year. Saddest part? Only about 15 people were there to witness. Not even enough to pay them. But it didn’t seem to matter them too much. They pulled out all the stops and when it was Mingus on acid, it was Macha on speed. Never have I felt so stoned without coming even close to a bong. I can still hear it all in my head.

MATT PAIS • LEAD REVIEWER

The word “Spanglish�

Seth Fein is from Urbana. He can be reached @ sethfein@readbuzz.com

S H !t S

[

a Nd G i g g L E s

An informed and opinionated look at this week’s events

]

COMPILED BY LOGAN MOORE

The Polish government has announced that Poland will cut its troop levels in Iraq from 2,500 to 1,700. Now one supposes it will be much, much easier to “forget Poland.� While Cuba conducted its biggest military exercise in over 20 years as a warning to the United States, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez visited the country and announced a new free trade bloc that would challenge the Free Trade Area of the Americas. We’re still picking fights with Cuba? Who the hell gives a shit? Cuba hasn’t been involved in a military conflict since people were impressed with That Girl being shot in color. The same week that the latest test of the “Star Wars� missile defense system failed, Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin said the country will not help fund the system or allow the United States to station rockets for the system inside Canada. Once again, our military dominance of space is thwarted by a people who habitually drink milk from a bag. A new Illinois State Police directive prohibiting employees from talking to news reporters is being called a “gag order� by its critics. The order is meant to enforce existing confidentiality rules, following a WLS-TV story on alleged misconduct by state troopers who guard Gov. Blagojevich. For God’s sake, what if the actions of the police force were held accountable by the public? It would be Chaos. Chaos! Iraqi Defense Minister Hazem Shaalann claimed recently that Iranian and Syrian intelligence agents are aiding the Iraqi resistance. Somebody better get Toby Keith on the line, we’re going to be needing a few more asinine war anthems. The same week that retiring Georgia Senator and sole Democratic speaker at the Republican National Convention Zell Miller announced he will be a commentator for FOX news, the senator was tapped by the American Conservative Union to present a Courage Under Fire award to the Swift Boat Veterans. This is how Democrats behave south of the Mason-Dixon line, which in essence means there are no Democrats in the south, which explains all the redness on Election Day.

buzz weekly •

ADAM SANDLER—WHY? WHY DID YOU MAKE LITTLE NICKY?

as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses. - Victor Hugo

Top 7 Live Shows in Urbana-Champaign To me, like most townies, there is an indefinable yet

•

SPANGLISH

I DON'T MIND WHAT CONGRESS DOES,

two on two out

SETH FEIN • STAFF WRITER

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is nonsense, foolishly combining a beautiful foreign language and the slop that currently passes for the English tongue.Yet the irony is that “Spanglish� is an English expression, so the synthesized word is actually a subtle endorsement of one culture over another. Written and directed by James L. Brooks (As Good As It Gets), Spanglish has the same underlying attitude and is also complete baloney. It wants to use an innocent, stunningly attractive Mexican housekeeper named Flor (Paz Vega) as proof that sometimes strangers to the English language can speak it with more purpose, precision and emotion than the natives. But this choppy, unfunny film does far more to support the notion of foreigners as outsiders to learn from than it does to accept them and their culture as a part of American society. Flor works for John Clasky (Adam Sandler), a nationally-renowned chef too nice for his own good, and his wife, Deborah (Tea Leoni), an irritating wench who doesn’t realize quite how obnoxious she is. You might think that Spanglish would be presented as the Claskys’ story, about how hiring a nonEnglish-speaking bombshell saved their marriage and helped their kids (Sarah Steele and Ian Hyland).Yet the hypocrisy of the film is that though that is the crux of the narrative,

Brooks structures it around Flor, even letting her daughter Cristina (Shelbie Bruce) do the narration under the guise of a college application essay about “the most influential person in my life.â€? The movie gets by for a short while on the charm of fine performances by Sandler and Leoni, who somehow manages to save overbearing Deborah, Spanglish’s moral whipping boy, from the depths of hateful cinematic wives. And Vega, whose role demands SPANGLISH • ADAM SANDLER fiery yet wholesome Latina sexiaround her is a flat-out lie; when all is said ness, delivers mounds of heat and heart. Unfortunately, Spanglish doesn’t have a and done, Flor winds up unchanged and message that can’t be totally picked apart looking for work, left only with her own by its own contradictions until the movie sense of integrity. Spanglish includes one of the strangest, ends up looking like a half-eaten burrito. Parents endorse individuality while com- most uncomfortable sex scenes to ever grace pletely controlling their kids, and the a PG-13 film, and it’s no small feat that a story praises acceptance over assimilation movie centered on an unlikable, unglamwhile still forcing Flor to learn English orous, unfaithful Caucasian woman and a just so her employers can understand her gorgeous, good-hearted Mexican woman (They never try to learn Spanish). And can still come out on the side of whiteness. Flor refuses to let Cristina accept charity Among the stereotypes it endorses are: or scholarship money, yet the film is built Latinos need money and old people can’t around her daughter’s desire for admis- drive, and that’s just for starters. It manages to romanticize infidelity and sion—via scholarships—to college. At one point, Cristina’s narration gushes gloss over the edges of marital strife while over the view from the oceanfront house that still attempting to present love and chilthe Claskys rent for the summer, calling it dren as the path to long-term bliss. This is “natural beauty, privately owned.â€? Essentially, a male fantasy gone awry, set up as a husthat is how Brooks uses Flor, and as she tries band’s most tempting daydream and finto hold onto her cultural identity, Spanglish ished off with the spite of an unhappy, never accepts or respects her struggle. She’s undeserving wife. The film does not just a beautiful new addition to the Claskys, respect women or minorities, and unfortuwho stays for awhile, shakes things up and nately for Spanglish, the English language departs. In that sense, organizing the story does have words for such sentiment.

LEMONY SNICKET’S

A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS RANDY MA • STAFF WRITER

A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS • JIM CARREY

U pon entering the theater, one knows not what to expect from Lemony Snicket’s

book instead of making it “kid friendly.� As a direct result, the dangers become real and the stakes are raised for the audience to root even more for the Bauldelaire children. The script itself is impeccable. A Series of Unfortunate Events follows the structure of the books in that it is episodic.The children are shipped to each relative down the bloodline as they try to escape the custody of Count Olaf, who is trying to get rid of the children and steal the Bauldelaire fortune. But what is great is that screenwriter Robert Gordon has incorporated Handler’s wonderful love for language into the film. The narration and the characters all speak with brilliant wordplay and sapient words. Jim Carrey is wonderful as the failed actor Count Olaf. In the sea of great cast members in this film, Carrey steals every bit of screen time,not because he is an egotistical actor who loves the camera, but because he is required to. Count Olaf is a larger-than-life villain who

account of the tragedy inflicted on the Bauldelaire children. After a mysterious fire, they are left without a home and without parents.They are alone, and like all orphans, are placed in the care of their closest relative. By close, this is not by bloodline, but geographical distance. Regrettably, that relative is Count Olaf, who lives only a few blocks away. But in this theater, contrary to this bleak plotline, Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events is quite a fortunate film. This is a wondrous holiday movie that fully realizes its atmosphere, story and characters. Set in what seems to be a pseudoVictorian Age, the world is bursting with magic and despair. Surprisingly, unfortunate events are indeed quite unfortunate as the filmmakers favorably decided to follow author Daniel Handler’s dreary children’s

plays eccentric characters that represent awful foundations for acting. But it is ultimately the three Bauldelaire children, Violet, Klauss and Sunny, who steal the show. They are the voices of reason in a universe filled with demented and incompetent adults. However, one terrible event after another causes the movie to become a trial on the children and the audience. The viewers just want some good luck to come to the kids and at least allow them some kind of happiness in their dreary lives. A Series of Unfortunate Events soon becomes more depressing than funny. It’s actually quite humorous that a children’s movie is, if anything, more depressing than entertaining. But still, the movie does not find a balanced medium between the two. In the end, happiness doesn’t find the film, the film searches for happiness. It is by fate that the children reach the conclusion the movie takes. Though they don’t exactly find peace, they do find some good in this world.This is a story about a sister, a brother and a baby sister, and how they find joy and contentment with each other in a world that can seem unfair and harsh to the ones most innocent and fragile. There are roughly 11 books in Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events, and with a few fortunate box office numbers there will hopefully be a few sequels to come in the future.

MEET THE FOCKERS (PG–13) Fri. 1:20 2:00 4:00 4:40 Sat. 4:00 4:40 7:00 7:30 9:30 10:00 12:00 Sun. - Thu. 1:20 2:00 4:00 4:40 7:00 7:30 9:30 10:00 LEMONY SNICKET (PG) (2 SCREENS) Fri. 1:30 2:00 4:30 5:00 Sat. 4:30 5:00 7:10 7:40 9:30 10:00 12:00 Sun. - Thu. 1:30 2:00 4:30 5:00 7:10 7:40 9:30 10:00 ◆ SPANGLISH (PG–13) Fri. 1:00 4:00 Sat. 4:00 7:00 9:45 12:20 Sun. - Thu. 1:00 4:00 7:00 9:45 FLIGHT OF PHOENIX (PG–13) Fri. 1:00 4:00 Sat. 7:00 9:30 11:50 Sun. - Thu. 7:00 9:30 NEVERLAND (PG) Fri. 1:10 3:20 5:30 Sat. 5:30 7:40 10:00 12:10 Sun. - Thu. 1:10 3:20 5:30 7:40 10:00 OCEAN'S TWELVE (PG–13) (2 SCREENS) Fri. 1:30 2:00 4:30 5:00 Sat. 4:30 7:30 10:00 Sun. - Thu. 1:30 4:30 7:30 10:00 CLOSER (R) Fri. 1:10 3:20 5:30 Sat. 5:30 7:40 10:00 12:15 Sun. - Thu. 1:10 3:20 5:30 7:40 10:00 BLADE: TRINITY (R) Fri. 1:10 4:30 Sat. 5:00 7:30 10:00 Sun. - Thu. 7:10 9:40 (2 SCREENS)

COLUMBIA PICTURES

this week on

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GOTTA SINK TO SWIM.

buzz weekly

PARAMOUNT PICTURES

4 •

Spanglish includes on e of the strangest, most uncomfortable sex scenes ever to grace a PG-13 film.

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CHRISTMAS W. KRANKS (PG) (2 SCREENS) Fri. 1:05 1:30 3:10 4:30 5:20 Sat. 5:20 7:30 9:40 11:50 Sun. - Thu. 1:05 3:10 5:20 7:30 9:40 NATIONAL TREASURE (PG) Fri. 1:45 4:25 Sat. 4:25 7:10 9:45 Sun. - Thu. 1:45 4:25 7:10 9:45 THE INCREDIBLES (PG) Fri. 1:30 4:30 Sat. 4:30 Sun. - Thu. 2:00 4:30 POLAR EXPRESS (G) (2 SCREENS) Fri. 1:20 2:00 4:30 5:00 Sat. 4:30 7:15 9:30 Sun. - Thu. 2:00 4:30 7:15 9:30 KINSEY (R) Fri. 1:00 4:10 Sat. 4:10 7:20 9:50 Sun. - Thu. 1:00 4:10 7:20 9:50 FAT ALBERT (PG) Sat. 5:00 7:00 9:00 11:00 Sun. - Thu. 1:00 3:00 5:00 7:00 9:00 LIFE AQUATIC (R) Sat. 4:30 7:10 9:40 12:10 Sun. - Thu. 2:00 4:30 7:10 9:40 DARKNESS (PG–13) Sat. 5:20 7:20 9:30 11:40 Sun. - Thu. 1:20 3:20 5:20 7:20 9:30 THE AVIATOR (PG–13) Sat. 4:30 7:50 11:30 Sun. - Thu. 1:00 4:30 7:50 SPONGEBOB (PG) Sun. Thu. 1:10 3:10 Showtimes for 12/24 thru 12/30

3!6/9 2OUTE "URWASH !VE

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24 • b u z z w e e k l y

NO MORE NEON LIGHTS AND BAT NIPPLES! YES!

MOVIES

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shaDEs of GrAy MOVIE NEWS BY SHADIE ELNASHAI

TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN 2005 PAUL PRIKAZSKY • STAFF WRITER

BATMAN BEGINS

The last two Batman films were reprehensible disasters. Now the series is set for resurgence with the help of director Christopher Nolan (Memento) and Christian Bale (American Psycho) as the eponymous Dark Knight. As the title denotes, the story deals with Bruce Wayne’s traumatic childhood and how he came to wear the pointy ears and rid Gotham City of crime and corruption.

In the latest in a series of unfortunate events, Jim Carrey had to flee a London hotel after a fire broke out. “No one rescued me, no one came. I had to find my own way out,” moaned the resourceful rubber-faced comic. Firefighters were either busy saving Matt Damon and George Clooney (also in the building) or hinting to the freshly-off-Prozac comedian exactly what they thought of Batman Forever and Bruce Almighty. Incidentally Damon and Clooney were tragically unharmed. It seems that Kevin Costner may have kidnapped and adopted a baby about 20 years ago—about the time he’d have been filming Sizzle Beach, U.S.A. Romana Medina claims that when her daughter was taken from her, the Dragonfly star took the child, and had her name illegally changed. Medina’s claims are somewhat flimsy: she is fuzzy on details as she suffers from blackouts and has gaps in her memory. Costner, despite being thrilled at a woman’s admittance to befriending him, made no comment, but did slap Medina with a restraining order.

CHARLIE & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

Director Tim Burton breathes his fantastical vision into Roald Dahl’s classic tale of the benevolent candy man (Johnny Depp) who gives seven lucky children the chance to tour his wondrous chocolate factory. This adaptation will stick closely to the source material, and Burton’s quirky imagery imbued with the charismatic Depp will make for surefire entertainment.

WAR OF THE WORLDS

The most expensive movie ever made is likely to cause doubt and speculation. But with Tom Cruise starring and Steven Spielberg at the helm of the adaptation of H.G.Wells’ sci-fi classic, you can be sure to expect a pyrotechnic phenomenon. And when Earth is invaded by the nefarious Martians, who else would you turn to? Why,Tom Cruise, naturally. Let’s just hope Maverick makes a comeback here.

Anti-contraceptive campaigner Mel Gibson, next to be seen in Mad Max: Fury Road, has found a worthy cause for the spoils from that Jesus flick: he has spent $15 million on a Pacific island called Mago. “He wants to keep it as an exclusive getaway for family and friends,” says an insider. Satellite images may confirm whether this means a retreat for a religious cult. As a testament to his Christian compassion, Gibson will have to evict 40 residents from the island ... mostly farmers and their families.

C - U

v i e w s COMPILED BY SARAH KROHN

Blade: Trinity Josh Hoffman

BEWITCHED

Instead of following the stereotypical adaptation of TV show to film, Bewitched is the story of narcissistic actor Jack Wyatt (Will Ferrell), starring as Darrin Stephens in the Bewitched movie. He spots attractive actress Isabel Bigelow (Nicole Kidman) and decides she would be perfect as Samantha Stephens. Isabel just so happens to be a real witch.This should be an amusing, albeit kitschy romantic comedy.

Crystal Lake, Ill.

HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE

The fourth installment of the series with the beloved boy wizard places him in the thick of the Tri-Wizard tournament and in the throes of adolescence. Director Mike Newell (Four Weddings and a Funeral) takes over the franchise reins when Harry (Daniel Radcliffe) finally meets his arch-nemesis, Lord Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes). This dramatic c o n f ro n t a t i o n alone will be worth the price of the ticket.

“Good killing of the vampires.”

Brian Mellen

Seattle, Wash. “It was what I expected.”

Jason Seaman

Mahomet, Ill. “I liked the action.”

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6 • buzz weekly

WHO WILL YOU BE SMOOCHIN’ THIS YEAR?

New year’s eve‘04 Last night of the year, and everyone hurries around figuring out what one another is doing. Champaign? Urbana? Chicago? Too many choices! Here are some highlights of local happenings on the eve of a brand new year.

The Canopy Club will be the site of the local Led Zeppelin tribute band Zoso, with Pariah also on the bill. One of the best ways to start off a new year is to party to one of the best times in our past. For $25 a person or $40 for a couple, the bar is open with domestic draft beer and mixed drinks. Papa John’s pizza, wings and cheese bread will also be on hand for a bite to eat. This event will have everything for a good party—food, music and a countdown! Canopy Club Zoso (Led Zeppelin tribute band), Pariah Open bar with domestic draft beer and mixed well drinks All-you-can-eat food from Papa John’s, featuring pizza, wings and cheese bread $25 per person or $40 per couple http://www.zosoontour.com/

The Iron Post in Urbana is also hosting its own party. Locally renowned band The Noisy Gators will play. This high energy band with their danceable beats and cajun sound play the perfect music for a funfilled night. Cover is only $5 for this show and the venue will offer champagne at midnight. Show starts at 9 p.m.! Iron Post The Noisy Gators Party favors and champagne at midnight $5, 9pm-1am http://www.noisygators.com/

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buzz weekly •

WATCH OUT FOR THE ARTISTS.

ARTISTS

TO WATCH FOR IN 2005 KATIE RICHARDSON • ARTS EDITOR

PHIL STRANG - PAINTER

Phil’s artwork is both original and imaginative. He is also a strong community voice, having once owned Record Service and now writing a weekly column for The Hub. Just recently, he returned to the now-empty building where he once sold music for a one-man showing of his artistic works. His vitality and kindness are truly impressive, and these qualities manifest themselves in strong images and colors that litter his work.

DEBORAH FELL - QUILTER

Deb Fell is an artist who has been nationally and internationally renowned for her artistic abilities. Her quilts, though, are not fashioned in the same way the ones your mother made were; in fact, even Andy Warhol would be impressed by their cutting aesthetics.These quilts reflect Deb’s strength as both a mother and an artist; one senses while looking at them that they have been made by someone who is truly unafraid of taking risks while relishing in challenges.

DERRICK HOLLEY PAINTER

His paintings adorn many walls in downtown Champaign, and the quality of his work speaks for itself. It is both larger than life and realistic, drawing the viewer into a world that is both inviting and forbidden. It is always a pleasure to be asked inside, though.

REBECCA PLUMMER VISUAL ART

Rebecca Plummer stops you in your tacks with not only her incredible artwork, but with her deeply profound ideas about art and how it affects society. She is one of the most well-spoken, complex and poetic visual artists that I’ve come across in ChampaignUrbana.

HUA NIAN ABSTRACT ART

Hua Nian came to this country with the dream of becoming an artist, and she has certainly accomplished that goal. Specializing in abstract art, Nian expresses herself with a unique voice that is truly breathtaking and awe-inspiring.

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22 • b u z z w e e k l y

FINALLY! A BREAK, SO I CAN READ FOR FUN AGAIN.

Best READS of 2004 BRIAN WARMOTH • STAFF WRITER

Top 5 FICTION

1. THE PLOT AGAINST AMERICA by Philip Roth

Roth continues his lifelong career writing about the mythos of American culture and politics in this alternate history tale where Charles Lindbergh defeats Franklin Roosevelt in the 1940 election. In this exploration of historical hypothesis, Lindbergh appoints a bipartisan cabinet whose anti-Semitic views begin to alter American society from within as he negotiates peace with Hitler and fosters a nation of paranoia and racism. 2. THE FINAL SOLUTION by Michael Chabon

The author who dissected the comic book in his Pulitzer Prize winning novel The Amazing Adventure of Kavalier & Clay turns his attention to detective fiction in this story of an aged Sherlock Holmes and a mysterious parrot who spouts numbers in German.Told in the setting of Southern England in 1944, Chabon’s novella focuses more on its characters and the cultural landscape of its time and place than it does in trying to become the next great work of detective fiction; but the final product is a story chilling to its core, in the spirit of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. 3. SNOW by Orphan Pumuk

This epic tale of a Turkish poet witnessing the present-day confrontational tension between radical Islam with the West boasts one of the most well-crafted and compelling main characters Pumuk has ever put to paper. Ka, born a Turk and exiled to Germany for 12 years, returns to his home country and embarks on a journalistic expedition into a region torn by politics and religion. The people he encounters, as well as the blunt ideological dilemmas, form a timely and richly populated novel of people and place. 4. HAPPY BABY by Stephen Elliot

In a story about the echoing pangs of sexual abuse, Elliot’s novel tosses the reader into a chronologically reversed sequence of events that delve into the protagonist’s struggle with human relationships and his steady collapse as it winds back into his childhood for consolation. 5. DILLINGER IN HOLLYWOOD by John Sayles

A new compilation of fresh and previously released short fiction, this is an incredible O. Henry Award-winning collection by a writer better known for his screenplays, such as Return of the Secaucus Seven and Silver City.Together, the stories comprise one of the best collections of the year, with Sayles for the first time publishing in book form a number of his pieces which have only previously been seen in magazines such as Rolling Stone and Esquire.

Top 5 NON-FICTION

1. AMERICAN BRUTUS: JOHN WILKES BOOTH AND THE LINCOLN CONSPIRACIES by Michael W. Kaufman

A brilliant work by an independent scholar, Kaufman’s book explores in detail the evidence, artifacts and spaces surrounding Lincoln’s assassination. He pays incredible attention to the events, locations and individual conspirators who collaborated to kill the President on Good Friday in 1865. 2. THE 9/11 COMMISSION REPORT: FINAL REPORT OF THE NATIONAL COMMISSION ON TERRORIST ATTACKS UPON THE UNITED STATES by National Commission on Terror Attacks

Surely not one of the most flowery narratives released during the last year, but undoubtedly one of the most important, the report gets to the bottom of what went wrong within our own government and failed to prevent the Sept. 11 attacks. More than a book of names, numbers and statistics, it is also a retrospective on the signs which, if analyzed in further detail ahead of time, might have motivated effective changes before the fact. 3. WILL IN THE WORLD: HOW SHAKESPEARE BECAME SHAKESPEARE by Stephen Greenblatt

Certainly not the first Shakespeare biography and surely not the last, Greenblatt’s portrait of modern English’s most recognized writer sets out to compose a narrative of the Renaissance author’s life as a young man in Elizabethan England through his rise to become a recognized playwright. Most fascinating is the continued attention to his developing world and the inspirations that contributed to his themes and topics. 4. ARC OF JUSTICE: A SAGA OF RACE, CIVIL RIGHTS, AND MURDER IN THE JAZZ AGE by Kevin Boyle & Henry Holt

Boyle examines an era of history not often highlighted in the United States’ history of race relations.The 1920s were an age of ghettos, KKK action and an ugly undercurrent of violence beneath the gilded age of jazz. Boyle displays the rampant inconsistencies of justice as exhibited in the book’s look at the trial of Ossian Sweet and the professional rise of Clarence Darrow. 5. ALEXANDER HAMILTON by Ron Chernow

Not just another biography, Chernow passionately explores the pursuits of a Founding Father he claims has been often overlooked and obscured by historical happenstance.The author also establishes a case for Hamilton as one of the most prominent pushers of modernizing American capitalism, contrasting him with the dissenting voices of lessignored faces such as Jefferson, Adams and Washington.

Top 5 GRAPHIC NOVELS

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2. HOW LOATHSOME by Ted Naifeh & Tristen Crane

A gender exploration as can only be told through comic art, this graphic novel challenges its readers to step into a world of ambiguities and struggle to define one’s own identity while trying to navigate various subcultures of Berkeley, Calif.The androgynous visual depictions of its characters and painfully universal searches to connect with other people while still remaining unsure of oneself make this an accessibly powerful window into drug abuse, subcultural norms and self-image. 3. THE DIARY OF A TEENAGE GIRL by Phoebe Gloeckner

This autobiographical hybrid of prose and comic art presents the first-person real-time perspective of a girl growing up through a dysfunctional family life, figuring out how to make the transition into young adulthood and following her artistic ambitions. Gloeckner’s novel is an important piece to see published, both as a combination of forms and as a welldeveloped and honest portrayal of teenage girlhood. 4. IN THE SHADOW OF NO TOWERS by Art Spiegelman

Spiegelman, a Pulitzer Prize winner for his two-volume graphic novel Maus, presents his latest major work about New York life in the wake of the Sept. 11 tragedy. Intertwining art styles that reflect on the innocence and anger surrounding his thoughts on the Towers and the attacks, he presents a collage of moments as he and his family reacted over time to the iconic vacancy on the New York skyline. 5. THE COMPLETE PEANUTS 1950-1952 by Charles M. Schultz

Reissued in full for the first time by Fantagraphics, this first volume (with introduction by Garrison Keiler) collects the first years of Schultz’s legendary children. Unfamiliar to many younger readers of the Sunday funnies, the pre-Snoopy years shine a different light than later shone on Charlie Brown and his friends. Shaded by instances of witty cynicism, but marked by the seeds of character and imagination that would come to define the strip, this first collection is an incredibly important work.

JA N . 5, 2OO5

SUPPORT LOCAL ARTISTS When doing your holiday shopping, don’t forget to check out local authors and artists. My pick this season is John Jennings’ The Hole: Parts of a Hole, a graphic novel available through lulu.com. (a friendly suggestion from your art director)

1. PERSEPOLIS 2: THE STORY OF A RETURN by Marjane Satrapi

In her autobiographical sequel to Persepolis, Satrapi switches worlds as she departs her Marxist Iranian household buried in the oppression of Mullah rule and travels to Austria, where, through deeply affecting iconic depictions, she wrestles with the tensions she experiences between her Iranian upbringing and the Western landscape she comes to occupy. If the first book was about her road to leaving Tehran, this follow-up charts her turn back to Iran from the outside, which demands her own internal reconciliation of cultural identities.

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LIVE ENTERTAINMENT

Cowboy Monkey, a favorite hangout for many of Champaign-Urbana music lovers, is hosting a party with local blues legend Candy Foster. Foster has been known throughout the Midwest since the 1950s, playing rhythm and blues, drawing from more traditional and urban influences. The $20 cover includes a coat check, hors d’oeuvres, champagne toast and party favors, plus the music of Foster and Shades of Blue. Candy Foster and Shades of Blue 9:30pm, $20 http://thunder.prohosting.com/~cfoster/

JEFF NELSON • STAFF WRITER

If you’re looking for a getaway that provides

some special live entertainment for the holiday season, here is a guide to some of my favorite theater options in the Chicago area. A great place to begin are the venues that offer stage versions of Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. For 27 seasons, the Goodman Theatre at 170 North Dearborn has presented their own special adaptation of this literary classic.Tom Creamer’s script has been their working format for the last 18 years. This script, with Kate Buckley’s direction, has been such magic that this well-established Chicago tradition just seems to get better. This year’s production is no exception. William Brown as Scrooge handles the transition from nasty miser to reformed benefactor superbly, but it’s a supporting actor who steals the show. Bradley Mott, as the ghost of Christmas Present and other small roles, has a wonderful way of dominating every scene that he is in without overwhelming the other actors. This guy knows how to steal a show with class. Move quickly on this one; this is not Chicagoland’s best kept secret and it just gets better every year. Call (312) 443-3800 or check out the Web site at www. goodmantheatre.org. The only bad news—it closes on Dec. 26 and there are no shows on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Can’t get tickets? Try the Metropolis Performing Arts Center at 111 W. Campbell St. in Arlington Heights, just northwest of Chicago. They offer their own version of Dickens’ masterpiece, a musical one, adapted by Krista Scott and directed by Robin Hughes. Check at (847) 577-2121 or www.metropolisarts.com; you have until Dec. 26 here as well. Then check out the schedule for the metropolis’ famous non-family holiday offering—The Second City’s Dysfunctional Holiday Review. Leave the kids at home and find out what the holidays are really about—this one runs until Dec. 31.This is great fun for those with somewhat iconoclastic visions of holiday reality.

The Highdive is hosting DJ Tim Williams. The $15 admission includes a coat check, party favors and champagne toast, in addition to the local DJ music. You can also request a private booth by emailing info@thehighdive.com. Dancing, champagne and fun at The Highdive on New Year’s Eve could be what you are looking for. The Highdive DJ Tim Williams Admission price includes coat check, party favors, and champagne toast For private booth info contact info@thehighdive.com $15

bar Joe’s Brewery is also holding a New Year’s bash, featuring The Naughty Boy and special guest. Drink specials for the night are on beer and Bacardi. If you get there before 9 p.m., you won’t have to pay a cover. Make sure you stay for the free champagne toast at midnight. Whether on the dance floor or around the bar, Joe’s Brewery could be your idea of a New Year’s Eve party. Campus

Joe’s Brewery The Naughty Boy and special guest Free champagne toast at midnight No cover before 9pm

Tommy G’s in Champaign will host X-Krush and Amended Return for the night before 2005. Tommy G’s is hosting a prime rib dinner special from 5-9 p.m. Then stay for the rest of the night for the party, which features free appetizers

buzz weekly •

IT’S NOT ABOUT MAKING NEW RESOLUTIONS. IT’S ABOUT FORGETTING THE ONES YOU MADE LAST YEAR.

until midnight, party favors and a champagne toast with a balloon drop at midnight. Hey, if you can’t make it to New York for New Year’s Eve, you might as well go to the nearest balloon drop. After the countdown, there will be free shots at 2 a.m. It gets better—the ticket stub from the New Year’s Eve party will get you in for free at the Jan. 1 show with User Friendly at 10 p.m. And it’s all for $15 per person or $25 per couple. Come out early for dinner and stay for free drinks and music through the whole night. Tommy G’s X-Krush and Amended Return 9pm-2am, $15 per person, couples for $25 http://www.xkrush.com/

DJ Vamp will be spinning at on New Year’s Eve. Partygoers can dance to hip hop, dance and house music. The night also features a free champagne toast at midnight. And for $5, the event gives you everything a good party should, at a cheap price. Party starts at 8 p.m.!

Nargile Lounge

Nargile Lounge DJ Vamp spins hip hop, dance, house music Free champagne toast at midnight 8pm-2am, $5

For those who are interested in more international cuisine for their New Year’s Eve party, Radio Maria might be the place for them. Radio Maria features a five-course dinner straight from Spain—cava toast, tapas, salad and paella. This incredible meal will be $55. Getting hungry? Check online at www.radio-maria.net under “specials” to see the entire menu. It is by reservation only, so call early and claim your seat at 398-7729. Radio Maria Five-course dinner by reservation only: 398-7729 $55 per person, plus tax and gratuity

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party in chicago If you are looking for a more trendy, but laid-back atmosphere and are in the Chicago area, you might consider spending the night at L8, a sophisticated late-night restaurant that serves tasty Italian treats in the River North area. Tickets for the evening are $100 at the door, but you are promised a trendy and upscale start to 2005, with a touch of Italian spice. Call (312) 2660616 for more information. L8 222 W. Ontario St. Chicago $100 (312) 266-0616

A more easy-going night for the big bash will take you to The Piece’s Anti-Black Tie New Year’s Eve Party. Located in Wicker Park, The Piece has planned an event that’s deliberately casual— and affordable. For $60, partygoers get all the thin-crust pizza, salad, dessert and bottomless pints of beer and wine they can stomach. Take a break from the food by dancing to DJ Joan Jett Black, who will be spinning throughout the night. Call (773) 772-4422 for more information about The Piece. The Piece Anti-Black Tie New Year’s Eve Party 1927 W. North Ave. Chicago $60 (773) 772-4422

Lion Head Pub and The Apartment, across from the DePaul campus in Lincoln Park, is also busy scheduling a New Year’s Eve party. Ringin’ in ‘05 includes a buffet from 8-10 p.m. and an open bar from 8-11 p.m. $60 will get you food and drinks, while a $75 ticket includes the bar, reserved seating and access to both bedroom hangouts. Otherwise, you can get in for $25, but space is limited. Predicted to be Lincoln Park’s “biggest and boldest” New Year’s Eve party, the dancing and raucous event is sure to draw a crowd. Call (773) 3485100 for more information. Lion Head Pub and The Apartment’s Ringin’ in ‘05 2251 N. Lincoln Ave. Chicago $25-$75 (773) 348-5100

Chicago punk legends will help ring in the new year at New Year’s Evil 2004 at Exit in Chicago. $60 will get you this rare live performance, along with the spinning of DJ Jeff Moyer and a 2005 VIP card. The bar will be open from 9 p.m. to 1 a.m. and dancing will continue until 4 a.m. You can purchase your tickets for this party online or by calling (773) 395-2700. New Year’s Evil 2004 at Exit 1315 W. North Ave. Chicago $60 (773) 395-2700

Moda, also in Chicago, features a top-shelf open bar until 1 a.m., plus DJs spinning hip hop, house and retro ‘80s. A $115 ticket will get you all the alcohol necessary for ringing in the new year, and also a midnight champagne toast, appetizers and an enormous dance floor. Tickets also will get you into two different parties starting at 1:30 a.m. for free! Call Moda at (312) 670-2200 for more information about the after-parties.

Another bash in Lincoln Park will be the Blu Year’s Eve party at Blu. For $60, you can ring in the new year alongside a young crowd, an open bar, a champagne toast at midnight and two DJs. You can’t go wrong spending the last night of the year on a dance floor that looks like it’s straight out of Saturday Night Fever with its changing color blocks. Buy tickets at (773) 549-5884.

Moda 25 W. Hubbard St. Chicago $115 (312) 670-2200

Blu Year’s Eve 2247 N. Lincoln Ave. Chicago $60 (773) 549-5884


8 • buzz weekly

PARTY. MY PLACE. BE THERE.

Karaoke "G" Force Karaoke Neil St. Pub 8pm-midnight, free Liquid Courage Karaoke Geo's Chill and Grill 9pm, free

friday December 24 DJ House Music Party Nargile 10pm, free

saturday

December 26 Live Music 4th Annual Mike Armintrout Holiday Jam The Canopy Club 9pm, free The Holiday Blues Revue with Jim Cole, George Faber Cowboy Monkey

monday

December 2 Live Music Dave & Steve White Horse Inn 10pm, free DJ DJ Delayney [hip hop, soul Barfly 10pm, free DJ Resonate [underground and mainstream hip hop, lounge] Cowboy Monkey 10pm, free Industry Night: DJ Paul Anthony Nargile 10pm, free DJ Bozak [hip hop and other soulful beats] Boltini 10:30pm, free

tuesday

December 28 Live Music Open Mic Night hosted by Mike Armintrout featuring Boots and Braceles, The Insolents, XXX Smut, The Resonators The Canopy Club 9pm, $2 if under 21, free if over Adam Wolfe's Acoustic Night with Jess Greenlee Tommy G's 10pm, free DJ DJ Sophisto [house] Barfly 10pm, free 2ON2OUT [indie rock] Cowboy Monkey 10pm, free NOX: DJ Kannibal, DJ Rickbats [goth & industrial] The Highdive 10pm, $2 DJ J-Phlip Boltini 10:30pm, free

thursday

December 30 Kayla Brown Boltini 8pm, free Illinois Central Blues Contest Winner Joe Asslein 9 Of Kilborn Alley) The Canopy Club 9pm, $2 Jazz Mayhem The Iron Post 9pm, TBA Jim Bean Tommy G's 9pm, free DJ DJ J-Phlip Barfly 10pm, free Eclectic Theory White Horse Inn 10pm, free DJ Bozak

December 31 See pages 6 and 7 for local New Year’s Eve Listings

saturday

January 1 Live Music New Year's Day Party with 2ON2OUT Cowboy Monkey 10pm, free User Friendly Tommy G's 10pm, $3 DJ DJ Resonate Barfly 10pm, free DJ Limbs [hip hop, soul, dance] Boltini 10pm, free DJ Bozak [old school, retro, hip hop] Nargile 10pm, free DJ Tim Williams [hip hop, house, Top 40 dance] The Highdive 10pm, $5 DJ Randall Ellison [hi-NRG classics and eurodance videos] White Horse Inn 10pm, free DJ Naughty Boy Joe's Brewery TBA

sunday

January 2 Live Music Sunday Mass with In Arms Dying Tommy G's 9pm, free DJ DJ Wesjile [hip hop] Barfly 10pm, free DJ Bozak [‘80s rewind] Boltini 10:30pm, free

monday January 3 Live Music Jazz Jam with ParaDocs The Iron Post 9pm, TBA Quadremedy

pg.21

December 23 Live Music Kayla Brown Boltini 8pm, free Keithmas: Keith Harden The Iron Post 9pm, TBA Jim Bean Tommy G's 9pm, free Dropsixx, Six Degrees From Center, None Taken, Maxlider The Highdive 9:30pm, $5 Lorenzo Goetz [rock] Cowboy Monkey 10pm, free Doxy White Horse Inn 10pm, free DJ DJ J-Phlip [house] Barfly 10pm, free DJ Bris, DJ Roc On, DJ Delayney Nargile 10pm, TBA DJ Bozak [hip hop and other beats] Boltini 10:30pm, free DJ Odessey Joe's Brewery Karaoke "G" Force Karaoke Pia's of Rantoul 9pm-1am, free

wednesday friday December 29 Live Music Fotomana The Canopy Club 7pm, $3 Brandon T. Washington, Mike Ingram, Joanna Micheal [solo sets] The Iron Post 9pm, $3 Apollo Project [live improv, house music] Nargile 10pm, free Blues Night: The Dave Lindsey Band Tommy G's 10pm, free Premo Records Presents Freestyle Battle & Open Mic Night [live hip hop & dancing] Tonic 10pm, $4 DJ Chef Ra [roots, reggae] Barfly 10pm, free DJ Limbs [hip hop, soul, dance] Boltini 10:30pm, free Dancing Salsa Dancing [salsa, mambo, bachata] Cowboy Monkey 10pm, free Karaoke Outlaw Karaoke White Horse Inn 10pm, free Liquid Courage Karaoke Geovanti's 10pm-2am, free

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Tommy G's 10pm, free Dave & Steve [acoustic] White Horse Inn 10pm, free DJ DJ Delayney [hip hop, soul] Barfly 10pm, free DJ Paul Anthony Nargile 10pm, free DJ Bozak [hip hop and other soulful beats] Boltini 10:30pm, free

Boltini 10:30pm, free Col. Rhodes, The Hubbards [rock] Cowboy Monkey 10:30pm, $3 DJ Odessey Joe's Brewery TBA

Puzzle

thursday

9pm, $5 Sunday Mass: Tremulus, Scream Apologies, MainStream Tommy G's 9pm, free DJ DJ Westjile [hip hop] Barfly 10pm, free DJ Bozak [‘80s rewind] Boltini 10:30pm, free

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tuesday

January 4 Live Music Rob Hecht Bluegrass Trio The Iron Post 8pm, TBA Adam Wolfe's Acoustic Night featuring Jess Greenlee Tommy G's 10pm, free DJ DJ Sophisto [house] Barfly 10pm, free DJ Kannibal, DJ Rickbats [goth and industrial] The Highdive 10pm, $2 DJ Lil Big Bass Boltini 10:30pm, free

wednesday

January 5 Live Music I Object, Help Me, Help Me, I Can't Breathe, Hallowed Out, Name Withheld to Protect the Guilty Red Herring 8pm, $5 Chef Ra [roots, reggae] Barfly 10pm, free Apollo Project [live improv, house music] Tommy G's 10pm, free Kilborn Alley Tommy G's 10pm, free

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b u z z w e e k l y • 21

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS AWESOME? (ME!)

Music is so awesome DJ BOZAK • CONTRIBUTING WRITER

5. DETROIT.

A

Come on, people.The town may not be booming like Chicago, but the music scene is becoming the best in the country. My favorites are Jay Dee, Dwele, Theo Parrish, Slum Village (admittedly the last album was iffy) and Moodymann. Talk about a renaissance.These people are making real, soulful, emotional music, which we need more of!

s you read in the last issue, there was a lot to be excited about in terms of music in 2004.Although the year provided some classic albums (Madvillian comes to mind), I don’t think we will talk about 2004 in the same way other years are heralded. In terms of hip hop, it was no 1993, in terms of house, it was no 1999. Sometimes music has a really, really good year, and although I was a little disappointed with 2004, I have faith that 2005 could be just that ... a freakin’ awesome year. The kind people at Buzz asked me to tell you what I was looking forward to. So here goes, kiddies, my own Top 10 list (in full Rob Gordon fashion) of things I am chomping at the bit to get my hands on: 1. THE SA-RA CREATIVE PARTNERS.

These guys are making some of the most freaked out cosmic slop I’ve ever heard. Think Max Hedrum meets Rick James meets Tron meets Prince.What? Yes! The question, though, is: Are you ready? This is cosmic slop at its best. Straight up year 4000 shit. 2. HIP-HOP PRODUCERS TAKIN’ IT BACK TO THE EARLY ‘90S.

It was bound to happen. You have been waiting oh so long for it. Complaining at times, I know; I was there, too.The fact that Busta has bought some beats from Madlib is a good sign, a real good sign. Look what 9th Wonder did for Nas. Things are comin’ together. Thank god.You know that feeling you get when there is that random warm day in the winter? That’s how I feel just thinking about this.This would be number one but I don’t think its really gonna blow till ‘06. 3. THE SECOND QUASIMOTO ALBUM.

The Unseen, the debut by Quasimoto, is permanently on my Top 5 desert island list (I AM turning into Rob G!). It’s the best 100percent sample-based hip-hop album since Paul’s Boutique (excluding Endtroducing ... that’s in a category to itself). Anything Madlib touches turns to gold, so I am pretty much banking on this one. This would be lower on the chart, but Madlib is such a bizarre goofball, who cares ONLY about making beats, so I have to give the guy credit for that. All you new jacks need to learn from this guy. While you are worried about having gear that will impress the other producer snobs in town, this guy cranks out an album a day on basically crap. AND it’s the best hip hop out. 4. ONLINE RADIO FROM ACROSS THE WORLD.

So you have listened to all the celebrity playlists on iTunes music store and are fiending for some new stuff. Two words. Online Radio. It’s nothing new, but then again, rarely investigated. Look for Benji B’s show and Gilles Petterson’s show, Worldwide, on BBC Radio 1.This is the freshest shit you are gonna hear, bar-none. Some of the tracks are finished right before the show and sent to the host via AIM! That’s so hot! Can someone please cue up the part in Napoleon Dynamite where Kip Dynamite sings at his own wedding how he loves Technology “now and forever?”

Coulter’s comment Christmas Bitch (an incomplete gangsta’ rap song by a drunken white man) I’m talkin’ to my baby, she’s a ho, ho, ho, and I ask the little mama, “Can I give you what fo’?” The snow is fallin’ and I got the itch, I need you to be my Christmas bitch. I’ve always felt my buddies in the local band Hum should have put out a record of Christmas songs called The Little Hummer Boy.They didn’t, but that doesn’t mean singing a Christmas carol still can’t be fun. Everyone hears the standard versions, so try something different. It’s childish and all, but saying “jingle balls” instead of “jingle bells” is always pretty funny, particularly if you slap your buddy in his jingle balls as you’re singing.

6. THE NEW OUTKAST ALBUM.

The last one was so classic. How do you follow that up? I mean, really. I read that they are in the studio recording hardcore hip-hop tracks. Wise choice, fellas. Stick and move, stick and move. One thing though:Am I the only one who wishes Andre 3000 would dress like he did a couple years ago? You know, for a while he looked like he only dressed himself at Dallas & Co. 7. DILLINJA GETTING EXPERIMENTAL.

This is the guy who put the bass in drum & bass. Once upon a time, he blew your mind with his experimentation, or at least mine, but then he got comfortable. Word is he’s hungry again. Can’t wait for his new stuff. Dude has so much bass. Insane amounts. This album is for all of you who still pull grit laps even though you’re 27, bumping all the way. Instead of your high school, it’s Neil Street. Green Camaro, I’m talkin’‘bout you! 8. THE NEPTUNES’ NEW SOUND.

They hinted at it with grindin’. The last five or six tracks that they made which have received mix-tape burn were similar sparse little nuggets of year 3000 funk (not to be confused with year 4000 funk). Unreleased Jay-Z and Clipse, to name a couple. The major label stuff won’t change ... you’ll have to dig deep into the albums and find songs that won’t be accompanied by videos ... but it looks real promising. 9. GETTING MY OWN MUSIC OUT THERE.

Why haven’t I done it yet? Why haven’t you? It’s never been easier. No excuses (unless, like me, you’re trying to save money to press up vinyl). Build a Web site. Burn some CDs. As long as you’re not on MTV you have at least one thing going for you. Still making excuses? Get a friend to do it with, and split the work 50/50! I have DJ Spinnerty. I live in Champaign and he lives in San Fran, yet that distance hasn’t stopped us. No excuses. No excuses! 10. MORE MUSIC!

This year I have gotten into so many great artists (Theo Parrish, Domu,TV On The Radio, etc.) I really can’t wait to hear what’s next. As much as your snobby friends who think they know more then you about music based on what magazines you do or do not read would like you to believe that music sucks ass, for the most part they are dead wrong. I said earlier that 2004 was not a remarkable year, but still, there was some awesome music to be heard. Bored with the music you are so used to stealing? Just peel away another layer and check out something new and fresh. Here, I’ll get you started, get to a computer and Google “broken beat.” Now go!

jonesin crossword puzzle BY MATT JONES

ACROSS 1 Like some hotels 9 More buxom 15 Wear out to exhaustion 16 Meat often hidden 17 She sang lead on "Our Lips Are Sealed" 18 Like the perfect place 19 Lacking experience (in) 20 Soup kitchen utensil 21 Encl. with some contest entries 22 Feels penitent 23 Noises heard more on LPs than CDs 24 Visited 25 Prize given to Carter in 2002 26 Bethesda, to D.C. 29 Blockade enforcers 32 Seafood sometimes imitated 33 Last member 35 5 to 2, e.g. 36 Did an extra car wash job 38 Signs on a violist's sheet music 40 2003 Sigourney Weaver movie 41 Neuter a neigher 42 Songs at the doorstep 44 Acting genre once studied by David Bowie 45 "I don't right reckon so" 48 Up in the air 49 SUV popular with rappers and soccer moms 51 "Amen," in other words 53 Check 21 Act word 54 Dynamic beginning? 55 More obscure, like

a crystal ball gazing 56 Gave lip to 57 1970s mixer involving a bowl and getting some DOWN 1 Yell to the projectionist 2 Former Trump ex, or contestant 3 Jazz label for Basie and Ellington 4 First name in mystery novelists 5 Swizzle stick, basically 6 Cold season containers 7 Former "America's Funniest People" host Sorkin 8 Bassoonist's needs 9 Suffix for an enzyme 10 Game where you

need nouns 11 Phrase used before some Muzak 12 Situation unlike the 2000 or 2004 presidential elections 13 "Germinal" author Zola 14 Jasmine and others 23 "They Shoot Horses, Don't They?" novelist 24 They really hit the low notes 25 Henpeck 26 Univ. 27 Common pee-fix? 28 Spa garb 29 Join together 30 Adobe file ext. 31 Adder's warning 34 My, to Marcel 37 Like some records 39 Remove confusion from 41 One of Leonardo's

crossword loves 42 Picks the players 43 Later, at a luau 44 Company forced to withdraw Vioxx 45 Zenith's opposite 46 Go on ___ (try to lose) 47 "___ Harder" (rental car slogan) 50 Castor and Pollux's mom 52 Death, in Duesseldorf

©2004 Jonesin' Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com)


20 • b u z z w e e k l y

PLEASE SANTA, I PROMISE I’LL BE GOOD NEXT YEAR.

MUSIC

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GRAPHIC • MEAGHAN DEE (WHO WOULD LOVE TO GET ONE OF HER OWN THIS SEASON.)

PREDICTIONS FOR 2005 IMRAN SIDDIQUEE & SHADIE ELNASHAI • STAFF WRITERS

BECK

A few years removed from a heartbreaking divorce, Beck’s latest LP promises to be a bit more upbeat than his tragic classic Sea Change. Expect a combination of the melancholic with traces of Odelay! Beck’s forthcoming album, produced by both the Dust Brothers and Dan The Automator,hits to rave reviews. Fans can’t get over what’s it’s missing, though—a fourth producer. — i.s.

THE DECEMBERISTS

FLAMING LIPS

Perhaps the greatest band in America are expected to follow up Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, a modern masterpiece, with something even weirder and hopefully just as catchy. The album should arrive before the summer, which implies some really great shows this summer. — i.s.

SIGUR RÓS’ “STARÁLFUR”

The literary elite of the indie rock world return in March with a new album full of sorrow, joy and alliteration. At last year’s show they promised to return to Champaign in support of the new album, so here’s hoping that happens as well. — i.s.

KANYE WEST

The most exciting act in mainstream hip hop is set to release another classic set of soulful beats and slightly annoying skits before summer hits. Mr. West has the whole industry in the palm of his hands; let’s hope he does something spectacular with all that power. — i.s.

Sigur Rós’ “Starálfur” features prominently during The Life Aquatic’s climactic sequence, which further cements their growing reputation as one of the unequivocally best bands around.Their ability to juxtapose fragile ethereal beauty with onslaughts of intense postrock is second to none. With a major label contract already (unofficially) in place, the Icelandic experimentalists have been in the studio on and off since January.The album will include certain tracks from recent live shows: the soaring rock-out “Gong,” string-laden “Mílano,” the emotive “Salka,” but most excitingly, the tear-jerking Jónsi solo “Gítardjamm.”The as-yet untitled CD will also boast titles and lyrics, and a more polished feel than their previous effort, ( ). String quartet Amina will rejoin Sigur Rós for recording sessions.A tour of North America and Europe will follow the release. — s.e.

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10 • b u z z w e e k l y

I COULD GO FOR A MARTINI ...

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C-U AT DINNER: HOLIDAY APPETIZERS

RECIPES FROM SOME OF THE AREA’S BEST CHEFS

H

olidays, schmolidays, that’s what I always say. And I say that because “Bah-humbug!” was already taken. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the Good Will Toward Men (and Women) and Peace on Earth stuff, it’s the inflatable lawn Santas that bug me. One thing I do like is getting together with friends to drink and eat (most people mistakenly list those activities in the opposite order). But only a masochist would consider throwing a full-blown dinner party this time of year. Here are some ideas for a more manageable appetizer and wine party from some prominent local chefs (plus an easy dessert of my own).

KIEL CHRISTIANSON • CONTRIBUTING WRITER

Let’s start off simple and sublime, with a Smoked Salmon Spread courtesy Nancy Scott of Sun Singer Wines (1115 W. Windsor Road, Champaign). Ingredients: 1 lb cream cheese, room temperature 1/4 cup heavy cream 4 oz smoked salmon cut into one-inch pieces 1 tbs capers 2 tbs lemon juice 1 tsp each dill, salt, pepper Prep:Whip cream cheese in mixer until fluffy ( about 3 minutes). Slowly add heavy cream; mix till incorporated.Add capers, lemon juice, dill, salt and pepper until combined. Mix in salmon. Serve with crusty bread. Scott recommends matching the spread with a Pinot Noir such as Mark West 2002 Oregon Pinot ($13.50 at Sun Singer). Biaggi’s (2235 S. Neil St., Champaign) sous chef Matthew Wilcox provides a Crab, Spinach & Artichoke Dip. Ingredients: 5 oz fresh spinach, clipped and cleaned 2 finely chopped garlic cloves 2 tbs, 1 tsp olive oil 1 cup canned coarsely chopped artichoke hearts 3 oz crab meat 6 oz lobster meat 8 oz marscapone (Italian cream cheese) 1 1/4 cup shredded mozzarella or provolone Ground cayenne pepper and salt to taste 1/4 cup parmesan Prep: Heat small sauce pot over medium-high heat. Add olive oil and garlic, stirring until garlic is golden brown. Add spinach, stir 1 minute and turn off heat. Continue to stir until spinach is wilted. Strain juices and discard; set aside to cool. Once cool, chop fine and put in mixing bowl. Add remaining ingredients (except parmesan) and mix thoroughly. Place in two 9”x9” baking dishes and cover evenly with parmesan. Bake at 375 degrees for 8-10 minutes until middle is hot and bubbling and cheese is golden brown. Serve with rosemary crisps or herb bread. Luke Wohlers at The Corkscrew (203 N. Vine St., Urbana) recommends the Elisabeth Geppetti Solo Muremma 2002 ($14.99) with this dip. Luke Kennedy, chef and proprietor of Kennedy’s at Stone Creek (2560 S. Stone Creek Blvd, Urbana) provides two grilled offerings. The first is Grilled Chicken Drumsticks. Ingredients: 16 chicken legs 1 tsp each of ginger, cardamom, turmeric, cinnamon, allspice 2 tsp coriander 2 tbs each of cayenne, salt 4 tbs peanut oil

1/2 cup each paprika, red wine 1/4 cup fresh orange juice Prep: Combine all dry spices in bowl and cook in a large pan for 2 minutes. Add red wine and cook for 2 minutes until it becomes a paste. Let paste cool, then mix with oil and orange juice. Rub drumsticks with paste and let stand covered for 2 hours in fridge. Grill over medium heat for 12-15 minutes. Wohlers recommends the Montinore Estate Gewurtztraminer 2003 ($12.99 at the Corkscrew) to compliment the spiciness of the drumsticks. Kennedy’s second suggestion is Grilled Shrimp with Mango Salsa. Ingredients: 30 large (16-20) shrimp 3 mangos 1 bell pepper 1 medium red onion 1/4 chopped large pineapple 1 tsp ground cumin 1 tbs chopped fresh basil 2 tbs fresh chopped cilantro Juice of 4 limes 4 ancho (dried poblano) peppers, soaked, drained and pureed Prep: Mix all ingredients (except shrimp) in bowl by hand. Peel and devein shrimp, skewer, add pinch of salt, pepper and oil. Grill shrimp until opaque. Enjoy them right off the grill with the salsa. Wohlers recommends Forrester’s Stellenbosch Petit Chenin 2004 ($9.99) with these tasty frutti di mare. For dessert, here’s one of my all-time simple favorites, Baked, Spiked Peaches & Cream. Ingredients: Fresh peaches (1/2 peach for each guest) Whipping cream Brown sugar Bourbon Prep: Halve the peaches. Fill the hole in each half where the pit was with brown sugar. Bake at 350 degrees until sugar melts and bubbles. While they’re baking, whip (with mixer or your hand will fall off) cream until just about fluffy. Splash in bourbon to taste and finish whipping. Take out peaches and slop the whipped cream on top—don’t be stingy. If you’ve added the right amount of bourbon, you won’t need any other after-dinner drink. I know what those of you who just can’t figure out why you have canine teeth are saying: “Why so much meat?” Well, that’s a fair cop. Sorry. Just be glad I didn’t give you my recipe for reindeer jerky (Rudolf the salted reindeer had a very tasty ass ...). To remedy the situation, I promise to put together an entirely vegetarian menu next time I C-U at dinner. Until then, Happy Schmolidays!

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HE REALLY DID SHOOT HIS EYE OUT!

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BRIAN NICHOLS • STAFF WRITER

It’s that time of year again, and what Christmas

would be complete without watching the timeless classic A Christmas Story. The story centers around one childhood Christmas of young Ralphie Parker (Peter Billingsley) during the 1940s. Ralphie has just one item on his Christmas list: a Red Ryder BB Gun. But fate is conspiring against young Ralphie, because his mother, teacher, and even Santa himself—well, actually, a mall Santa—have decided that a BB rifle is too dangerous for a little boy.They constantly taunt him with one of the movie’s most memorable phrases ever:“You’ll shoot your eye out.” The movie produced some very memorable characters that may be as synonymous with Christmas as

STORY

good old St. Nick himself. Supporting characters include Ralphie’s little brother Randy (Ian Petrella), who can’t eat from a plate unless he’s pretending to be a barnyard critter, and the playground bully, aptly named Scut Farkus (Zack Ward).With a name like Scut Farkus, you are pretty much predestined to be a bully. Darren McGaven delivers a hilarious performance as Ralphie’s dad, whose excitement over his “major award” makes for one of the funniest scenes in the movie. Perhaps the best part about watching A Christmas Story is that through all the laughs, you cannot help but see some of your family’s behavior during Christmas on the screen.

PAUL WAGNER • FILM EDITOR

F

ra-gee-lay. That must be Italian.” What better way to describe the leg lamp from A Christmas Story? Fragile, maybe, but anything short of amazing would be an injustice to the glory that is the lamp.Admittedly,it was an ugly lamp, but it would make for one hell of a present to give to someone.You know, if they like lamps shaped like legs—which they should. But if you can’t find a leggy lamp at Bed, Bath and Beyond this year (they’re out of season now), you can easily make yourself one. I suggest heading to a thrift store and

buzz weekly •

MMM, YUMMY DRINKS ...

This week, I’m taking a little break from the

founded and is still run by conservative Christians. As cited in an Arizona Republic article,“Brooke Stephens, a New York financial planner and author who offers advice on National Public Radio’s Tavis Smiley Show, says that Buy Nothing Day is a good opportunity to focus on one’s financial situation.” Both Buy Nothing groups use a variety of means to spread their message,be it mall protests, anticonsumerist Christmas carols or Web resources like youth Bible study guides, free Buy Nothing posters or alternative gift ideas. “Buy Nothing Christmas is a little tough taking it literally.Taking it that literally is not really in the spirit of the concept, either,” said University philosophy professor Steven Wagner. “I think that the motivation comes out best when you look at things like the New York Times business page and look at the frenzy for x-thousand-dollar home theater systems or super-expensive toys and such and the idea that the Christmas season is one for making these massive consumer purchases. This isn’t (in) the same league as buying a scarf or a chocolate cake for someone you care about.” It is well known that we consume many times more than people in other countries do. Americans have also increased their amounts of spending over the past 50 years or so. Not only that, but we buy more foreign goods, too. “The problem is that too many of us buy too many goods that are not produced in the United States,” Baer said. “Our big problem is that we have a tremendous balance of payments deficit.” While one may argue we are prosperous and it is justified, a few questions are inevitable and critical. One, have our

Leg lamp

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AMANDA KOLLING • CONTRIBUTING WRITER

Christmas

A CHRISTMAS

TOASTING TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY WITH TASTY HOLIDAY DRINKS

Merry BUY NOTHING He went on to say,“And it starts at Thanksgiving time, even before Thanksgiving, in which the various economic interests make sure that there will be nice Christmas displays everywhere, that you start singing all these Christmas songs, the tearjerkers, etc. It is a highly calculated, acutely monitored, These are all techniques to (make us carefully coordinated orgy. The monthlong say), ‘Oh my god, we’re gonna feel well, therefore let’s spend more holiday shopping overindulgence begins money.’” before the sun even rises the day after Although, many people are often Thanksgiving. Across the country, with the heard questioning all this spending. “Is unblinking eye of television cameras looking this what Christmas or Hanukkah is all about? Doesn’t this just make us greedon, frosty-breathed, bundled-up shoppers, ier and more selfish?” Unfortunately, it still full from the night before, line up in a often seems those questions are final moment of orderliness. The starting drowned out in the loud crunch of gun is the thud of the bolt sliding away from torn wrapping paper and the same endlessly repeated Christmas songs. the door lock. Hell soon breaks loose. Actually, and for the past few years now, small but growing numbers of people are trying to make an anticonsumpTIM PETERS • STAFF WRITER tion message heard. Buy Nothing Christmas The high-toned grind of the receipt and Buy Nothing Day are two Canadian printer, the crackling of plastic bags, the movements whose aims are simple: Buy nothbanging of coins against the register as the ing during the holidays and end the concashier scrambles to work as fast as possible, sumption and greed. Buy Nothing Day is a all signify the same things. This roughly 30- creation of the organization Adbusters, a day binge is driven by our impulses toward Vancouver-based not-for-profit, self-described as a “global network of artists, activists, writers, consumption. “Extreme sentimentalism is attached to pranksters, students, educators and entreprethese holiday periods,” said University of neurs who want to advance the new social Illinois economics professor Werner Baer,“in activist movement of the information age.” which you constantly see advertising with Their aim is to “topple existing power strucfamilies sitting around with Christmas deco- tures and forge a major shift in the way we rations, the Christmas tree and all the long- will live in the 21st century.” Buy Nothing Day is associated with the lost cousins coming in. That’s supposed to above and Buy Nothing Christmas was give you an incentive to buy more.”

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incomes increased in proportion to our spending? Also, has all this increased consumption actually raised our happiness? If the answer to the former question is no, then it would indicate we are just shackling ourselves to debt.The American Bankruptcy Institute maintains that, from 1980 to 2003, the number of bankruptcy filings increased along with the amount of debt per personal income. If the answer to the second question is no, then not only are we getting ourselves into financial trouble, but it is for no reason, as well. These groups want consumers to be able to think and be free. Why is it that just the notion of a Buy Nothing Christmas sounds so odd? It truly seems built into us that we must spend during the holidays, as if it were almost selfish not to. “In the sense of trying to get away from the Christmas or year-end holiday season as this orgy of major consumer purchases, yes, I think not only is that good social thinking in the long run but would make everyone an awful lot happier,”Wagner said. In general, these movements challenge the status quo. Having the vague aim of just nominally stopping consumption might be unrealistic and kind of absurd. But what will ideally happen is that when you see protesters on the news, read an issue of Adbusters magazine or see a Buy Nothing poster, you will think. The probable single greatest reason we continually spend so much at the holidays is because we have been conditioned to believe we must.The absolute presence of corporate media, advertising and tilted government all shout a message of “buy.” All it takes is one thought, no matter its content, to drown out the static. buzz

alphabet and giving you all a little holiday cheer in the form of drink recipes. This is the time of year to gather friends and family close, eat too much, drink a bit and forget about waistlines until we draw up our New Year’s resolutions. One easy way to enjoy company with a minimum of stress is to host a cocktail party, where it’s understood that you’ll be providing snacks or hors d’oeuvres (not a full dinner), lots of drinks and good conversation. Just be sure to remember the designated drivers among your guests by having plenty of non-alcoholic beverages on hand. I also like to finish the night with offers of freshly brewed coffee or tea.You could pass bitesized desserts as this time, too. Wassail means “be in good health,” a nice toast before drinking this warming punch. Combine 2 quarts apple cider, 1 1/3 cups of lemon juice, 5 cinnamon sticks, 10 whole cloves, 1 1/2 tsp nutmeg, 10 whole allspice, and 1/2 cup brown sugar in a large pot. Bring to a boil and then cover and simmer for about 20 minutes. Using a sieve, remove the whole spices.Add 2/5 of dry sherry. Pour the hot punch into a warm (important!) punch bowl. Garnish with lemon or orange slices and serve.

Apple Cider Punch (non-alcoholic, although you could add rum or calvados) Bring 4 quarts of apple cider, 6 ounces frozen lemonade, 6 ounces frozen orange juice, 1 cup brown sugar, 5 whole cloves, 5 whole allspice, 1 teaspoon nutmeg, and several cinnamon sticks to a boil in a large stockpot. Simmer for 30 minutes or so. Use a sieve to remove the whole spices. Serve in a warm punch bowl. Hot Buttered Rum Add 2 cups packed brown sugar, 1/2 cup unsalted butter, a dash of salt, 3 cinnamon sticks, 6 whole cloves, and 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg to a crockpot. Stir in 2 quarts of hot water. Cover and cook on low for 5 hours. Just before serving, add 2 cups rum. Ladle into mugs, top with whipped cream and a dusting of nutmeg. Hot Toddy A hot toddy is the perfect antidote to the sniffles, but you could enjoy one sans cold. To one mug, add 2 shots brandy or rum and 1 tablespoon of honey. Top with hot brewed tea. Garnish with a lemon slice.

Spiked Eggnog The easiest way to make spiked eggnog is to use some good-quality store-bought (I know, some are screaming “sacrilege” right now) eggnog, like Oberweis, and add brandy, rum or bourbon to taste.Top with whipped cream and a dash of nutmeg and enjoy. Of course, if you want to make it from scratch, remember to slowly heat your eggs to 160 degrees or use a pasteurized egg substitute to avoid any risk of salmonella. Punch There are so many punch recipes, it’s hard to know where to begin. I think any combination of fruit juices and champagne is a good idea, but here’s something to get you started: Combine 1 liter of ginger ale, 2 six-ounce packages of frozen lemonade, 1 six-ounce package of orange juice 1 bottle of brut champagne. Garish with orange slices. I think mango juice and strawberries would be nice, too. Remember, lemon-lime soda can be used in place of champagne if you prefer a nonalcoholic version. I wish you all a safe and happy holiday season! Amanda Kolling welcomes your comments and suggestions. E-mail her at amandakolling@readbuzz.com.

Coulter’s comment

I don’t really go to the big family dinners anymore, and to be honest, I don’t really miss them much. See, I never made it to the big table. It was always the kids in the garage sitting around a flimsy card table and the adults in the house sitting around a sturdy dining table. I got close to the big table once when I was in college, thanks to the timely death of an aunt, but then my cousin had to get married to avoid the bastardization of her coming child, so the new guy got my spot in the house. He hadn’t put up with the cold garage for 10 years, not to mention putting up with all the relatives and my infernal Aunt Toots insisting everyone eat at least one vegetable. He commandeered my throne simply by sleeping with a cousin, and even though it was Southern Illinois, I wasn’t going to sleep with my damned cousin just to eat in comfort.

for film-philes picking up a tall, possibly curvy lamp (you can probably buy a new tall, possibly curvy lamp, but that costs bunches of money). Then, decorate the lamp to look like a leg. Use paint or fabric or whatever you want. For an even better effect, get some fishnets and put them on the lamp as well. Soon you’ll have all your friends saying things like, “Only one thing in the world could’ve dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.” And if that’s the case, go ahead and buy that friend an Official Red Ryder CarbineAction 200-Shot Range Model Air Rifle like they really want.

The Corkscrew Wine Emporium and Vosges Haut Chocolat from Chicago… The ultimate wine and chocolate pairing! Vosges chocolate bars and truffles make great stocking stuffers.

203 North Vine Street, Urbana (217) 337-7704

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12 • b u z z w e e k l y

I’M NOT VERY GOOD AT NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS.

f r e e

w i l l

ARIES

a s t r o l o g y

(March 21-April 19):

Your assignment in 2005 is to wage a revolution in the sphere where you have the most ower. Your home? Your marriage? Your workplace? Local government? Wherever it is, Aries, arm yourself with tact and compassion as you overthrow the stale status quo by manifesting your shining ideal. Let this advice from Buckminster Fuller serve as your touchstone: "You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete."

TAU RU S

(April 20-May 20):

I'll send many suggestions your way in the coming months, Taurus. Some of them will ring true to you, and others may not. Some will be evocative clues you'll meditate on for days, while others may fade from your awareness right after you read them. Through it all, there will be two constants. First, every horoscope will be offered to you in a spirit of love. Second, you will always be free to take it or leave it. And now I present what I consider the most important advice for you to keep in mind throughout 2005, though only you can decide if it actually is: Consistently cut away the smaller, weaker buds in order to direct all the forces of growth into the few buds most likely to succeed.

GEMINI

(May 21-June 20):

Am I afraid of sounding too extravagantly optimistic as I deliver my predictions for your year ahead? Well, yes, a little. But I think you can handle it. Besides, there is a caveat: Since even the arrival of good news can be stressful, you may have to struggle at times to deal with all the positive changes that are on the way. Here's an example: I believe 2005 will be your Year of Mind-Wobbling, Heart-Opening Adventures in Love. To receive the fullness of the demanding gifts you'll be offered, you'll probably have to make big adjustments in your habitual behavior.

C A N C E R

(June 21-July 22):

Here's an odd paradox about your fate in 2005: You will get as close to your true home as you have ever been, and yet you'll also be teased and intrigued by a provocative mystery. Let me say it another way: More than at any other time in your life, you will feel like you truly belong here--and yet you'll often be amazed at how enigmatic everything is. I'll give you one more angle on the confounding security that will visit you in the coming months: You'll have an uncanny sense of being cared for by a mother goddess, even as you keep delving further than ever before into the riddles of your unpredictable destiny.

LEO

(July 23-Aug. 22):

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what ’s your sign? LIBRA

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22): A four-year-

old artist from Binghampton, New York has sold 25 of her paintings, earning $40,000. Marla Olmstead's works have been compared to those of Wassily Kandinsky and Jackson Pollack, and many have appeared in galleries. One critic wrote, "Painting with fingers, spatulas, and brushes, and using plastic mustard bottles to squirt out acrylics, she creates textured, abstract landscapes laden with emotion, depth, and real talent." I'm naming Marla as your official role model for 2005, Libra. I expect the youngest part of you to blossom, unleashing frequent bursts of creativity.

SCORPIO

A few years ago East Timor was described as an "unimaginable, apocalyptic ruin" by UN peacekeepers. More than 200,000 people had died during a 25-year struggle to separate from Indonesia. But after finally gaining its independence, the new nation is now prospering in peace. With this as your inspiration, Scorpio, identify the most intractable and painful problem in your life. Now imagine that in the next ten months, you will transform it as dramatically as the people of East Timor did theirs.

S A G I T TA R I U S (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): One of your main assignments in 2005 is to cultivate your sense of wonder. It's true that you already possess a more acutely developed sensitivity to marvels and miracles than most of the other astrological signs, but you still have a way to go to reach your highest potential. With this in mind, I'll ask you to make 52 appointments with yourself in the coming year. They could be at noon every Monday, or whatever time you choose. During each meeting, you will renew your commitment to seeing with fresh eyes. You'll vow to be alert for previously unnoticed delights lurking in the midst of your familiar surroundings. You'll promise yourself to seek out experiences that teach you things you don't know.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In her book Soul Sounds, Mary Summer Rain recounts a conversation between a man and God. "How long is a million years to you," the man asked. "A second," God replied. Then the man asked, "How much money is a million dollars to you?" "A penny," God said. "Can I borrow a penny?" the man asked. "Sure," God said, "in a second." Here's my interpretation of this anecdote: God was struck by the man's greed and decided to have a joke at his expense. Now if you, on the other hand, Capricorn, are less grandiose in your financial requests for 2005, I believe God will be pretty responsive.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The planetary omens for 2005 are unambiguous: You've got to spend more time in nature. For the sake of your physical and mental health, you must escape the familiar confines of your comfy cages-must wander out into wild places that are far from plastic, concrete, bricks, and glass. Your Official Maxim of the Year comes from essayist Edward Dahlberg: "Man is at the nadir of his strength when the earth, the seas, the mountains are not in him, for without them his soul is unsourced, and he has no images by which to abide." In the coming months, Aquarius, find a way to get the earth, the seas, and the mountains inside you.

VIRGO

PISCES

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):

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“City street lights, even stop lights, blink a bright red and green, as the shoppers rush home with their treasures.” Rush is right, especially since you haven’t bought any “treasures” yet. A gift basket from Bath & Body Works just won’t cut it this year, so Market Place is out. A quick trip by car or bus, however, will bring you to Downtown Champaign, a neighborhood of nearly 50 shops that are guaranteed to provide you with a unique and special present for everyone.

JENNY CRABILL • STAFF WRITER (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):

Last month, a religious fanatic in Taiwan decided to reach out to a previously neglected group of heathens. At a zoo, he leaped into a lion's den and began trying to convert the beasts to the Christian faith. "Jesus will save you!" was one of his oft-repeated exhortations. The lions seemed enraged by his appeals, and it was only through the heroic efforts of the zookeepers that the crusader was saved from martyrdom. Let him serve as your anti-role model in 2005, Leo. Work diligently to spread your good intentions; be brave in promoting your high ideals; ramp up your powers of persuasion to a new level; but don't waste your time trying to win over dumb beasts, bad listeners, and narrow-minded dogmatists.

Marilynne Robinson published her first novel, Housekeeping, in 1982. It was nominated for a Pulitzer Prize, and an influential critic called it one of the ten best novels of the twentieth century. This November, 22 years later, Robinson came out with her second work of fiction, Gilead. "Writing is like praying," she told Carin Besser in The New Yorker Online. "In both, if they are to be authentic, grace and truth must discipline thought." I nominate Robinson to be your patron saint in 2005, Virgo. May she inspire you to produce another gem like the one you did some years ago. May her example give you the faith to work as slowly as you need to in order to remain impeccable, allowing grace and truth to discipline your thought.

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(Feb. 19-March 20):

The coming year will be prime time for you to reinvent your conception of and relationship with God. The best way to begin this fun project is to throw away everything you think you know about the subject and start from scratch. Why not imagine a Divine Creator who is wild and free, who inhabits both the dark and the light, who exudes mystery as well as goodness, who heals with strange beauty as much as with sweet insight, and who gives you puzzles that bring you to the brink of crazed excitement, at which point you break through into a higher way of knowing—an almost sensual contact with a marvelous, difficult, entertaining God?

HOMEWORK: ALL OF US ARE TRYING TO WAKE UP FROM OUR SLEEPY DELUSIONS ABOUT THE NATURE OF LIFE. WHAT WILL BE YOUR MOST POTENT WAKE-UP TECHNIQUE IN 2005? TESTIFY AT WWW.FREEWILLASTROLOGY.COM.

Rebecca’s Carrying items old and new, Rebecca’s Fun & Functional Items of 204 N. Neil St. brings fun to gift-giving. Where else could you find an Edgar Allan Poe action figurine? “People that come in here are looking for unusual things,” explained owner Rebecca Schoell. This charming store truly appeals to all ages. Perhaps your roommate might enjoy a Mexican tile mirror for her room. Surely your mom would love a colorful silk scarf or an embroidered silk pillow. Don’t forget dad, who would be thrilled to add an antique tool to his collection. Rebecca’s has no limits when it comes to choices. But they are limited to one criterion—everything is unique.

Jane Addams Book Shop Try to think about the last time you finished a book for leisure. For some, it may have been months! Break is the perfect time to curl up in a corner and enjoy a great novel.Why not give the gift of relaxation? There is nothing more personal than giving someone a book by one of their favorite authors, poets or artists. Jane Addams Book Shop, located at 208 N. Neil St., has three stories and thousands of books. An order can be put in for a book they don’t have. Most books are used and their subjects range from poetry, art and history to the classics, fiction and more. Owner Flora Faraci notes that many are a hard find. Whether your loved one worships Steinbeck, Picasso, Longfellow, Aesop or even the ever so hyped-up Kabbalah religion, Jane Addams Book Shop simply has it all. If you can’t afford the $600 rare editions, go for the copies.

Carrie’s Carrie’s, of 204 N. Neil St., carries antique furniture, jewelry, clothing and other ornaments that have kept up for years, some even centuries. Stepping inside Carrie’s is like entering another world. Toto, we aren’t in Bergner’s anymore. An emerald-clustered gold brooch. A flapper’s string of beads hanging from the ceiling. A deep blue velvet chair. A 1950s Coca-Cola sign. A

buzz weekly •

I’M GOING TO LEARN HOW TO SCREEN PRINT SHIRTS SOMEDAY.

Shop C-U for

UNIQUE GIFTS feathered hat with lace overlay.A copy of the Chicago Daily Tribune from Aug. 15, 1944, stating, “Jap war is over!”You won’t find these things anywhere else. Any item in this store makes for a timeless gift.

Ten Thousand Villages Feeling Philanthropic? Pay a visit to Ten Thousand Villages at 105 N. Walnut. This nonprofit, international gift store markets products made in 32 different countries. The artisans providing these goods are either unemployed or underemployed. They receive a fair amount for their items, which helps them pay for food, health care, family housing and education. Among the interesting pieces are watches made from bone, oriental rugs from Pakistan, beaded purses from Guatemala and attractive placemats and coasters made from recycled paper. “There is nothing tacky. That, I think, is the signature of the store,” said Manager Naomi Rempe. “And it’s using what we would throw away in the U.S., raw materials and suchRecycled paper, bone, flattened oil ... It’s a great place for gifts.”

LIX Boutique Gifts with more of an edge can be found at LIX Boutique at 10 E. Main St. Merchandise includes men’s and women’s gothic, fetish, club wear, dancewear, shoes and accessories. But don’t confuse LIX with Hot Topic or Spencer’s. Items are either very hard to find, found only online or even made by the store’s owner. “We’re more underground. Their stuff is more mainstream,” said employee Britany Bindrim. A more popular present purchased this holiday season has been the “leg lamp,” seen in the classic Christmas movie A Christmas Story, complete with the black stiletto heel. Also popular among teens and college students have been legwarmers, studded belts and hard-to-find music and horror T-shirts. To show someone how much you care this holiday season, challenge yourself. Veer away from the striped scarves, lotions and gift certificates. Get personal and visit the unique shops of Downtown Champaign.

Crafty gifts at

Creation Arts Studios EMILY COTTERMAN • STAFF WRITER

Are you tired of giving the same general

The Creation Arts Studios can be contacted at (217) 3446955.

gifts each holiday season? Women: bubble bath, bath salts, candles and flowery journals. Men: ties, Dilbert calendars, self-help office books and scarves. But in Urbana there is a bunch of unique presents you can purchase at Creation Arts Studios. Owner Jeanine Bestoso has adult open studio workshops and lessons that allow people to paint, draw, create collages and other mixed media. There is also clay-building, either with a wheel or by hand. The lessons are ongoing year-round, but the workshops are periodic—usually about every one to two months; the next one starts Jan 8. Lessons are paid monthly and are on Tuesday evenings from 7-9 p.m., Saturday afternoons from 1-3 p.m. and Thursday

DIY

T-shirts

SUSIE AN • AROUND TOWN EDITOR

A T-shirt is a safe gift that anyone could use. Of

course, you’re not going to give your friend some plain, white Fruit of the Loom T-shirt. Two easy ways to make a T-shirt design are to either use iron-on transfers or paint a design using acrylic or fabric paint. Iron-on transfer paper can be found at any store that carries printer ink and paper. You can design something on your own computer by using the paint accessory, Photoshop or whatever else that prints. Take note that your print-out will iron on the mirror image of what is on your computer. So if you have text, make sure to reverse it on your screen before you print. Otherwise, your words will be backward when you iron it to the shirt. For ironing, follow the directions on the iron-on transfer packet. If you decide to paint the shirt, make sure to wash it first. This is not a puffpaint shirt, but if you think your friend is into that, then you should also consider sequins and rhinestones. Plan out the placing of your image or words on the shirt so you won’t run into any unfortunate spacing accidents. Place a side of cardboard (or the equivalent) in the shirt so that you have a flat surface where the paint won’t bleed through to the other s i d e. Pa i n t yo u r design and let it set until dry. Create your own d e s i g n a n d g ive them something made from the heart.

17

morning from 10 a.m. until noon, but other times can be arranged. However, she also holds lessons for children after school for an hour and a half. Bestoso believes in having an “open studio,” meaning everyone gets to work on their own ideas. She says that the workshops and lessons are about “personal empowerment, communication and the release of stress.” However, these arty gifts do keep on giving, as the studio is an “Illinois State Board of Education-approved provider of continuing professional developmental units,” so the classes not only provoke the senses but also give education credits to art teachers. But that’s not all—there is also a gallery of artwork for sale in all areas. Bestoso sells art T-shirts and note cards that have her and her son’s designs printed on them. She also does picture-framing, calligraphy, murals, illustrations and commissioned portraits along with the classes. Bestoso considers herself in the realm of “art services” —she does absolutely everything and thinks that the studios offer “fine art gifts.”

More hot gift spots in C-U Walnut Street Tea Company

Priceless Books

– 115 S. Walnut St., C

Another great stop for used books. One of the best fiction selections in town.

Fresh teas and coffee beans along with other wonderful treats for stockings or a festive basket.

Circles – 107 N. Walnut St., C

Unique clothing and accessories.

Nic’s Basket Case – 219 N. Neil, C

Interesting gifts; if you can’t find something here, you’re out of luck.

– 108 W. Main St., U

Record Swap – 110 S. Race St., U

Vinyls and CDs: Record Swap houses some of your favorite old vinyls in great condition.

International Galleries – Lincoln Square Mall, U

Wonderful gift ideas for the artist and art lover in all of us.

Parasol Records

Art Mart

– 303 W. Griggs, U

– Lincoln Square Mall, U

Independent, underground, and local CDs and vinyls. If they don’t have it in store, you can order it.

Home furnishings you can’t find anywhere else.

Dandelion

– 116 N. Walnut St., C

– 9 Taylor, C

Vintage and resale clothes coupled with funky and elegant accessories—great place to find your New Year’s Eve attire.

Exile on Main St. – 1 Main Building, C

Used CDs, video games and DVDs.

Old Main Book Shoppe A great selection of used books and vinyls.

Cinema Gallery – 120 W. Main, U

Browse the latest exhibit and choose from their selection of unique gifts.


16 • b u z z w e e k l y

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MEET A STRANGER IN THE ALPS!

ANDREW VECELAS • STAFF WRITER

DIY

PAUL PRIKAZSKY • STAFF WRITER

U

for film-philes Make your own comic PAUL WAGNER • FILM EDITOR

Comic books. What can be

said about them? They’re a beautiful union of literature and graphics. Grown-up picture books, really. Kids love ‘em.Teens love ‘em. Hell, even some college kids and adults love ‘em. As the name would suggest, comic books can be, well, comical.They tell stories of superheroes, bad-ass villains, big guns, love ... anything you can write a novel about, you can write a comic book about.And you get to have pictures! American Splendor could be one solution to gift-buying woes. It’s a great flick about a comic writer who writes his cynical takes on the world. And they’re hilarious. So go pick up that movie for someone you need to buy stuff for. But since that’s probably not enough, either get them some comic books to go along with it, OR pour some love and effort into your gift and make them a book. Doesn’t even have to be a comic book. Make a picture book circa second grade. Make it retro. Make it sappy. Make it fun. Hell, you could even just color them a picture. But make it funny, and make it good. Remember, the special ingredient is love.

Electronic game picture frame

SUSIE AN • AROUND TOWN EDITOR

Do you still have those old hand-held electronic games stuffed away in a drawer somewhere? Put them to

good use and give them to someone as a gift. In this day and age, you need to make a few changes to these old-school games to make them appealing to your loved ones. Here’s how to turn your old hand-held electronic games into neat picture frames. Take a game and unscrew the back cover.Take out all the electronic wiring and batteries, but keep the buttons. Place a small picture inside the game’s window and tape it down.You may add a small piece of cardboard to the back of the picture for additional support.Tape down all the buttons because they fall out without the electronic circuitry to support them. Reattach the back cover and you’ve got a fabulous picture frame. Pictures can be wallet-sized photographs or a scaled-down photo printed off your computer. Whatever fits in the window can make a great image. Soon everyone will want to be your best friend!

pon my initial viewing, I was dumbfounded with a movie called The Big Lebowski.The story was nonsensical, the characters cursed in voluminous quantities and there wasn’t a satisfactory conclusion.When I saw it again, the puzzle pieces started to fit, and then it clicked. Doing nothing had never looked so cool. I joined the steady stream of loyal devotees and began spewing Lebowski quotes. Our protagonist is Jeffrey “The Dude” Lebowski (Jeff Bridges), a laconic, laid-back stoner, whose greatest pleasures in life are bowling, smoking pot and making White Russians. He arrives at home one evening only to be accosted by two thugs who believe him to be Jeffrey Lebowski (David Huddleston), the millionaire. During the break-in, one thug urinates on the rug (“That really tied the room together.”).The Dude sets off on a quest to find an adequate replacement for the soiled one.With the aid of his bowling buddy,Walter Sobchak (John Goodman) and the perpetually muted Donny (Steve Buscemi), the Dude gets caught in a web of kidnapping, corruption, pornography and German nihilists threatening castration, culminating in hysterical results. There isn’t much of a plot to propel The Dude through his random interludes. The scenes come off more like a series of sketches than an actual story, but this haphazard order actually adds charm to the film and accentuates The Dude’s carefree demeanor. We praise cult classics because of their unusual plots and odd characters; The Big Lebowski is no exception. Just remember: “The Dude abides.”

THE WHITE RUSSIAN

PARTY

for film-philes

American Splendor is a complex film that studies an equally complex man and is alternately funny, smart and touching throughout. It is one of the most entertaining and original films to come out in recent years and should be on everyone’s must-see list.

JA N . 5, 2OO5

BIG LEBOWSKI

one of the best films of 2003, perfectly captures the appeal of its main character. As a child, Harvey Pekar goes trick-or-treating with five other kids dressed up as superheroes. There’s Batman, Robin, Superman and the Green Lantern. And then there’s little Harvey Pekar, who is taken aback by a woman’s suggestion that he cannot dress up as himself for Halloween.

Just as the American Splendor comic book explodes the notion that people only want to read about superheroes in their comics, the film breaks a number of typical rules that films like this usually follow. For instance, where American Splendor sets itself apart is its inclusion of the real Harvey Pekar, who serves as narrator and occasional commentator on the film. He not only moves the narrative from one point to the next but sometimes gives insights, such as: he never read the script to the film and he doesn’t think the actor who plays him looks anything like him.

T H E

The opening scene of American Splendor,

Years later, Harvey keeps that same ungracious attitude as he experiences setback after setback. First his wife leaves him.Then his voice starts to go south, too, so that when his temper flares up (and it often does), his shouts turn into incomprehensible whines. And he still finds himself standing in the company of superheroes, as a friendship with legendary underground illustrator R. Crumb leads to Harvey’s broodings over everyday life being turned into an autobiographical comic book called American Splendor.

DE C . 23

PAUL WAGNER • FILM EDITOR

There are two obvious things

you need to think about before throwing this party.Well, four things, really.Vodka, Kahlua, half-and-half (or milk) and, of course, a copy of The Big Lebowski.To make the perfect White Russian, mix equal parts vodka and Kahlua over ice and top off with either half-and-half or milk.The easiest way to serve large quantities of this, I’ve found, is to empty a bottle of each into a pitcher filled with ice. Then just serve from the pitcher and add the half-and-half or milk to each individual drink. Why the combination of White Russians and The Big Lebowski, you ask? The Dude, the main character from the flick, drinks only White Russians. Fun drinking games to play with this amazing combination include, but are by no means limited to: drinking any time the word “Dude” is said, taking a drink any time Walter (John Goodman) appears on screen. ... Hell, you can just drink at your leisure straight through the movie.That’s what I do. However you choose to take your drink, drink them in abundance, and remember, “Donnie, you’re out of your element!”

13


DIY

LOGAN MOORE • STAFF WRITER

If you’re looking for both the

affordability of a homemade gift as well as awkward “thank you” moments from the gift receiver, you can’t go wrong with a shoebox guitar. In our increasingly materialistic society, the holiday gift buyer often overlooks the charm of a gift item that was obviously crafted from simple household items and might very well have been put together by an 8-year-old. Here is how it’s done. Simply find a common household shoebox, although if you purchase shoes for particularly large or small feet, you may want to borrow a “normal-sized” shoebox from a friend. Now cut a hole, approximately 3 inches across in the center of the shoebox. This can be done with scissors or a knife. Other incisive devices, such as swords or electric saws, are generally discouraged due to the delicacy of the shoe-

box. Next, wrap several rubber bands of varying widths around the shoebox. The rubber bands should be fairly taut, as this will both improve the pitch and sound of your shoebox guitar, as well as prevent any incidents in which a loose rubber band might unexpectedly fly off into the eye, or other delicate orifice, of an innocent bystander. Now, you are done. The lengths and widths of the rubber bands chosen will affect exactly how your shoebox guitar will sound, although none will sound particularly pleasant, especially if played by children or the tone-deaf. One idea for your shoebox guitar might be to play it for that “special someone” in your life. Compose a love song of some sort and serenade them with your shoebox guitar to say, “I couldn’t afford a proper gift and I have a thirdgrader’s sense of what’s appropriate.” Good luck with your new shoebox guitar!

TODD J. HUNTER • STAFF WRITER

music

Merry Christmas! For the gift guide, I was asked to list the best local albums of all time and found myself at a double disadvantage. First, I was oblivious to local music until my junior year of college, and second, I always have thought more in terms of singles than albums. Nevertheless, I decided on 10 titles: my top five and five more of importance. 1. Poster Children - Daisychain Reaction (Sire, 1992)

For my money, the best album ever to come out of Champaign-Urbana. It flows like some very important dream full of ambiguous wisdom. Twelve years later, Poster Children remain active, innovative and relevant. 2. Absinthe Blind - Rings (Mud, 2003)

Absinthe Blind went out at the top: this introspective masterpiece whereupon Keith Cleversley emphasizes the vocal harmonies of Adam and Erin Fein to full effect. Diehards need the Japanese pressing for the affecting “Today You Can Do What You Did Twenty Years Ago,” one of two bonus tracks.

57

Shoebox Guitar

14

sound ground #57

3. Menthol - Danger: Rock Science! (Hidden Agenda, 2002)

Too far ahead of its time, this homage to new wave was delayed from June 1998 to October 2002. It packs a powerful punch of epinephrine, whether or not you endured the wait. Brilliant. 4. Honcho Overload - Smiles Everyone (Mud, 1993)

A great rock ‘n’ roll band who overlapped with Hum in several significant ways, which proved their undoing. “Miserable” is the anthem here, but very much at home among 10 other testosterone-rich rockers. 5. Various Artists - Record Service 20th Birthday (Record Service, 1989)

#

Don’t let the lack of readily recognizable names fool you; this is a crash course in scene history, as well as the only way to get some of this stuff on disc. With any luck, Phil Strang has several left. Then there are three albums I would be shot on sight not to list, and two more that defy easy categorization.

15

this week in music

1. The Blackouts - Living in Blue (Lucid, 2004)

Arguably the most important local album of this year. While too new to judge in any historical context, it generated a hit and Todd J. Hunter hosts galvanized the scene while it “WEFT Sessions” twice garnered national and “Champaign Local 901,” two attention. 2. Hum - You’d Prefer an Astronaut (RCA, 1995)

Equivalent to Living in Blue when I got to town. “Stars” was a nationwide hit and remains rightly like a second Pledge of Allegiance here.

hours of local music every Monday at 10 p.m. on 90.1FM. Send news to soundground@excite.com.

for film-philes

3. Lovecup - Greefus Groinks and Sheet (12inch, 1994)

Regarded as the holy grail of the scene. I discovered it late but recognize it inspired lots of my favorite bands.

LAUREN BRIDEWATER • STAFF WRITER

“Take your passion ... and make it happen!”This idea is repeated through different characters and scenarios for 95 exhausting minutes in the film Flashdance.The movie is, without a doubt, atop numerous guilty pleasure lists. The original film was released in 1983 starring Jennifer Beals, was predicted to flop, and instead turned itself into a box office hit. Flashdance tells the story of an 18-year-old girl who welds in a steel factory by day and becomes an exotic dancer during the night. As one-dimensional as the film first appears, Flashdance attempts to break away from the stereotypical role for actresses and dancers as waitresses and receptionists and cleans up the idea of an exotic dancer by allowing clothing. The high-intensity dancing draws the

4. Glifted - Under and In (Martians Go Home, 2002)

What do you get when Hum guitarist Tim Lash and Lovecup bassist TJ Harrison form a side project? Some of the most marvelously damaged music ever made. You’ll love it or hate it; I love it. 5. Rob McColley - Juicy (Legal, 2003)

Juicy is lyrically what Under and In is instrumentally: impressively messed up. Themes include smoker envy and criminal bestiality, which evokes the best “Hell, yeah!” ever. Intelligent but not for the squeamish. I leave you with my Top 10 of this year. If you think EPs should count, insert One Less Tomorrow by Mike Ingram and Six Buttery Megahits by Shipwreck. 1. i:scintilla - The Approach 2. Rob McColley - Rob McColley Sings Insults to an Ex-Girlfriend (and an Unrelated Song About Television, Because How Much Can You Really Say About One Not Very Complex, Dishonest Person) 3. Angie Heaton - Let It Ride 4.The Reputation - To Force a Fate 5. Interpol - Antics 6. PJ Harvey - Uh Huh Her 7. Local H - Whatever Happened to P.J. Soles? 8. L.P. - Suburban Sprawl & Alcohol 9. Clinic - Winchester Cathedral 10. Malachi Constant - Infinite Justice

audience into the film and allows them to feel comfortable with the main character, Alex (Jennifer Beals).And even though she is an exotic dancer, she has obvious talent.The choreography by Jeffrey D. Hornaday captures the essence of 1980s jazz while incorporating street hip-hop and lyrical moves. Overall, Alex is trying to find herself through her dream of attending ballet school, but she cannot conjure enough confidence to compete against technically trained ballerinas. She wants to achieve her dream on her own terms without any help but soon realizes that she should be grateful for all the help she can get.“What a feeling!” as sang by Irene Cara is how inspired you should feel after watching this film, despite its unilateral plotline that shows that life always works out. Flashdance will make you want to go dancing in the streets.

TAKE YOUR PASSION AND MAKE IT HAPPEN SUSIE AN • AROUND TOWN EDITOR

S

ecretly, everyone’s got a little bit of Jennifer Beals in them. By day, you’re a welder, by night, an exotic dancer trying to break into ballet school.Well, maybe not exactly like that, but at least you can give the gift of shaking it up on the dance floor. Your loved one needs to have the proper attire to get their feet moving. Go to a dancewear store

and get some leg warmers, sweat bands and a sweatshirt that you can cut the collar off so that the neckline just falls gently off the shoulder. Jazz shoes are a plus, but they aren’t necessary. Of course, you need some music to get the body working. This can be provided through a created mix from your own collection, but the Flashdance soundtrack is highly recommended.

Basically, you need one song to make this gift complete, Irene Cara’s “What a Feeling.” Jennifer Beals’ character in the film, Alex Owens, has to work her way up to those ballet auditions. Your loved ones will also be on their way to the top with a dance instructional book or video. A Flashdance gift set is the gift that’ll get your loved ones dancing like they’ve never danced before.

Take the hassle out of your holiday dinners!

Holiday Gifts made easy! A Year-Round Country Retreat

&

kishauwau.com (800) 659-0627

Step back to a

Quieter Time...

on.

inat i

202 W. Anthony, Champaign 359-1789

a Avail

n ble a

om y den

at 4pm


DIY

LOGAN MOORE • STAFF WRITER

If you’re looking for both the

affordability of a homemade gift as well as awkward “thank you” moments from the gift receiver, you can’t go wrong with a shoebox guitar. In our increasingly materialistic society, the holiday gift buyer often overlooks the charm of a gift item that was obviously crafted from simple household items and might very well have been put together by an 8-year-old. Here is how it’s done. Simply find a common household shoebox, although if you purchase shoes for particularly large or small feet, you may want to borrow a “normal-sized” shoebox from a friend. Now cut a hole, approximately 3 inches across in the center of the shoebox. This can be done with scissors or a knife. Other incisive devices, such as swords or electric saws, are generally discouraged due to the delicacy of the shoe-

box. Next, wrap several rubber bands of varying widths around the shoebox. The rubber bands should be fairly taut, as this will both improve the pitch and sound of your shoebox guitar, as well as prevent any incidents in which a loose rubber band might unexpectedly fly off into the eye, or other delicate orifice, of an innocent bystander. Now, you are done. The lengths and widths of the rubber bands chosen will affect exactly how your shoebox guitar will sound, although none will sound particularly pleasant, especially if played by children or the tone-deaf. One idea for your shoebox guitar might be to play it for that “special someone” in your life. Compose a love song of some sort and serenade them with your shoebox guitar to say, “I couldn’t afford a proper gift and I have a thirdgrader’s sense of what’s appropriate.” Good luck with your new shoebox guitar!

TODD J. HUNTER • STAFF WRITER

music

Merry Christmas! For the gift guide, I was asked to list the best local albums of all time and found myself at a double disadvantage. First, I was oblivious to local music until my junior year of college, and second, I always have thought more in terms of singles than albums. Nevertheless, I decided on 10 titles: my top five and five more of importance. 1. Poster Children - Daisychain Reaction (Sire, 1992)

For my money, the best album ever to come out of Champaign-Urbana. It flows like some very important dream full of ambiguous wisdom. Twelve years later, Poster Children remain active, innovative and relevant. 2. Absinthe Blind - Rings (Mud, 2003)

Absinthe Blind went out at the top: this introspective masterpiece whereupon Keith Cleversley emphasizes the vocal harmonies of Adam and Erin Fein to full effect. Diehards need the Japanese pressing for the affecting “Today You Can Do What You Did Twenty Years Ago,” one of two bonus tracks.

57

Shoebox Guitar

14

sound ground #57

3. Menthol - Danger: Rock Science! (Hidden Agenda, 2002)

Too far ahead of its time, this homage to new wave was delayed from June 1998 to October 2002. It packs a powerful punch of epinephrine, whether or not you endured the wait. Brilliant. 4. Honcho Overload - Smiles Everyone (Mud, 1993)

A great rock ‘n’ roll band who overlapped with Hum in several significant ways, which proved their undoing. “Miserable” is the anthem here, but very much at home among 10 other testosterone-rich rockers. 5. Various Artists - Record Service 20th Birthday (Record Service, 1989)

#

Don’t let the lack of readily recognizable names fool you; this is a crash course in scene history, as well as the only way to get some of this stuff on disc. With any luck, Phil Strang has several left. Then there are three albums I would be shot on sight not to list, and two more that defy easy categorization.

15

this week in music

1. The Blackouts - Living in Blue (Lucid, 2004)

Arguably the most important local album of this year. While too new to judge in any historical context, it generated a hit and Todd J. Hunter hosts galvanized the scene while it “WEFT Sessions” twice garnered national and “Champaign Local 901,” two attention. 2. Hum - You’d Prefer an Astronaut (RCA, 1995)

Equivalent to Living in Blue when I got to town. “Stars” was a nationwide hit and remains rightly like a second Pledge of Allegiance here.

hours of local music every Monday at 10 p.m. on 90.1FM. Send news to soundground@excite.com.

for film-philes

3. Lovecup - Greefus Groinks and Sheet (12inch, 1994)

Regarded as the holy grail of the scene. I discovered it late but recognize it inspired lots of my favorite bands.

LAUREN BRIDEWATER • STAFF WRITER

“Take your passion ... and make it happen!”This idea is repeated through different characters and scenarios for 95 exhausting minutes in the film Flashdance.The movie is, without a doubt, atop numerous guilty pleasure lists. The original film was released in 1983 starring Jennifer Beals, was predicted to flop, and instead turned itself into a box office hit. Flashdance tells the story of an 18-year-old girl who welds in a steel factory by day and becomes an exotic dancer during the night. As one-dimensional as the film first appears, Flashdance attempts to break away from the stereotypical role for actresses and dancers as waitresses and receptionists and cleans up the idea of an exotic dancer by allowing clothing. The high-intensity dancing draws the

4. Glifted - Under and In (Martians Go Home, 2002)

What do you get when Hum guitarist Tim Lash and Lovecup bassist TJ Harrison form a side project? Some of the most marvelously damaged music ever made. You’ll love it or hate it; I love it. 5. Rob McColley - Juicy (Legal, 2003)

Juicy is lyrically what Under and In is instrumentally: impressively messed up. Themes include smoker envy and criminal bestiality, which evokes the best “Hell, yeah!” ever. Intelligent but not for the squeamish. I leave you with my Top 10 of this year. If you think EPs should count, insert One Less Tomorrow by Mike Ingram and Six Buttery Megahits by Shipwreck. 1. i:scintilla - The Approach 2. Rob McColley - Rob McColley Sings Insults to an Ex-Girlfriend (and an Unrelated Song About Television, Because How Much Can You Really Say About One Not Very Complex, Dishonest Person) 3. Angie Heaton - Let It Ride 4.The Reputation - To Force a Fate 5. Interpol - Antics 6. PJ Harvey - Uh Huh Her 7. Local H - Whatever Happened to P.J. Soles? 8. L.P. - Suburban Sprawl & Alcohol 9. Clinic - Winchester Cathedral 10. Malachi Constant - Infinite Justice

audience into the film and allows them to feel comfortable with the main character, Alex (Jennifer Beals).And even though she is an exotic dancer, she has obvious talent.The choreography by Jeffrey D. Hornaday captures the essence of 1980s jazz while incorporating street hip-hop and lyrical moves. Overall, Alex is trying to find herself through her dream of attending ballet school, but she cannot conjure enough confidence to compete against technically trained ballerinas. She wants to achieve her dream on her own terms without any help but soon realizes that she should be grateful for all the help she can get.“What a feeling!” as sang by Irene Cara is how inspired you should feel after watching this film, despite its unilateral plotline that shows that life always works out. Flashdance will make you want to go dancing in the streets.

TAKE YOUR PASSION AND MAKE IT HAPPEN SUSIE AN • AROUND TOWN EDITOR

S

ecretly, everyone’s got a little bit of Jennifer Beals in them. By day, you’re a welder, by night, an exotic dancer trying to break into ballet school.Well, maybe not exactly like that, but at least you can give the gift of shaking it up on the dance floor. Your loved one needs to have the proper attire to get their feet moving. Go to a dancewear store

and get some leg warmers, sweat bands and a sweatshirt that you can cut the collar off so that the neckline just falls gently off the shoulder. Jazz shoes are a plus, but they aren’t necessary. Of course, you need some music to get the body working. This can be provided through a created mix from your own collection, but the Flashdance soundtrack is highly recommended.

Basically, you need one song to make this gift complete, Irene Cara’s “What a Feeling.” Jennifer Beals’ character in the film, Alex Owens, has to work her way up to those ballet auditions. Your loved ones will also be on their way to the top with a dance instructional book or video. A Flashdance gift set is the gift that’ll get your loved ones dancing like they’ve never danced before.

Take the hassle out of your holiday dinners!

Holiday Gifts made easy! A Year-Round Country Retreat

&

kishauwau.com (800) 659-0627

Step back to a

Quieter Time...

on.

inat i

202 W. Anthony, Champaign 359-1789

a Avail

n ble a

om y den

at 4pm


16 • b u z z w e e k l y

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MEET A STRANGER IN THE ALPS!

ANDREW VECELAS • STAFF WRITER

DIY

PAUL PRIKAZSKY • STAFF WRITER

U

for film-philes Make your own comic PAUL WAGNER • FILM EDITOR

Comic books. What can be

said about them? They’re a beautiful union of literature and graphics. Grown-up picture books, really. Kids love ‘em.Teens love ‘em. Hell, even some college kids and adults love ‘em. As the name would suggest, comic books can be, well, comical.They tell stories of superheroes, bad-ass villains, big guns, love ... anything you can write a novel about, you can write a comic book about.And you get to have pictures! American Splendor could be one solution to gift-buying woes. It’s a great flick about a comic writer who writes his cynical takes on the world. And they’re hilarious. So go pick up that movie for someone you need to buy stuff for. But since that’s probably not enough, either get them some comic books to go along with it, OR pour some love and effort into your gift and make them a book. Doesn’t even have to be a comic book. Make a picture book circa second grade. Make it retro. Make it sappy. Make it fun. Hell, you could even just color them a picture. But make it funny, and make it good. Remember, the special ingredient is love.

Electronic game picture frame

SUSIE AN • AROUND TOWN EDITOR

Do you still have those old hand-held electronic games stuffed away in a drawer somewhere? Put them to

good use and give them to someone as a gift. In this day and age, you need to make a few changes to these old-school games to make them appealing to your loved ones. Here’s how to turn your old hand-held electronic games into neat picture frames. Take a game and unscrew the back cover.Take out all the electronic wiring and batteries, but keep the buttons. Place a small picture inside the game’s window and tape it down.You may add a small piece of cardboard to the back of the picture for additional support.Tape down all the buttons because they fall out without the electronic circuitry to support them. Reattach the back cover and you’ve got a fabulous picture frame. Pictures can be wallet-sized photographs or a scaled-down photo printed off your computer. Whatever fits in the window can make a great image. Soon everyone will want to be your best friend!

pon my initial viewing, I was dumbfounded with a movie called The Big Lebowski.The story was nonsensical, the characters cursed in voluminous quantities and there wasn’t a satisfactory conclusion.When I saw it again, the puzzle pieces started to fit, and then it clicked. Doing nothing had never looked so cool. I joined the steady stream of loyal devotees and began spewing Lebowski quotes. Our protagonist is Jeffrey “The Dude” Lebowski (Jeff Bridges), a laconic, laid-back stoner, whose greatest pleasures in life are bowling, smoking pot and making White Russians. He arrives at home one evening only to be accosted by two thugs who believe him to be Jeffrey Lebowski (David Huddleston), the millionaire. During the break-in, one thug urinates on the rug (“That really tied the room together.”).The Dude sets off on a quest to find an adequate replacement for the soiled one.With the aid of his bowling buddy,Walter Sobchak (John Goodman) and the perpetually muted Donny (Steve Buscemi), the Dude gets caught in a web of kidnapping, corruption, pornography and German nihilists threatening castration, culminating in hysterical results. There isn’t much of a plot to propel The Dude through his random interludes. The scenes come off more like a series of sketches than an actual story, but this haphazard order actually adds charm to the film and accentuates The Dude’s carefree demeanor. We praise cult classics because of their unusual plots and odd characters; The Big Lebowski is no exception. Just remember: “The Dude abides.”

THE WHITE RUSSIAN

PARTY

for film-philes

American Splendor is a complex film that studies an equally complex man and is alternately funny, smart and touching throughout. It is one of the most entertaining and original films to come out in recent years and should be on everyone’s must-see list.

JA N . 5, 2OO5

BIG LEBOWSKI

one of the best films of 2003, perfectly captures the appeal of its main character. As a child, Harvey Pekar goes trick-or-treating with five other kids dressed up as superheroes. There’s Batman, Robin, Superman and the Green Lantern. And then there’s little Harvey Pekar, who is taken aback by a woman’s suggestion that he cannot dress up as himself for Halloween.

Just as the American Splendor comic book explodes the notion that people only want to read about superheroes in their comics, the film breaks a number of typical rules that films like this usually follow. For instance, where American Splendor sets itself apart is its inclusion of the real Harvey Pekar, who serves as narrator and occasional commentator on the film. He not only moves the narrative from one point to the next but sometimes gives insights, such as: he never read the script to the film and he doesn’t think the actor who plays him looks anything like him.

T H E

The opening scene of American Splendor,

Years later, Harvey keeps that same ungracious attitude as he experiences setback after setback. First his wife leaves him.Then his voice starts to go south, too, so that when his temper flares up (and it often does), his shouts turn into incomprehensible whines. And he still finds himself standing in the company of superheroes, as a friendship with legendary underground illustrator R. Crumb leads to Harvey’s broodings over everyday life being turned into an autobiographical comic book called American Splendor.

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PAUL WAGNER • FILM EDITOR

There are two obvious things

you need to think about before throwing this party.Well, four things, really.Vodka, Kahlua, half-and-half (or milk) and, of course, a copy of The Big Lebowski.To make the perfect White Russian, mix equal parts vodka and Kahlua over ice and top off with either half-and-half or milk.The easiest way to serve large quantities of this, I’ve found, is to empty a bottle of each into a pitcher filled with ice. Then just serve from the pitcher and add the half-and-half or milk to each individual drink. Why the combination of White Russians and The Big Lebowski, you ask? The Dude, the main character from the flick, drinks only White Russians. Fun drinking games to play with this amazing combination include, but are by no means limited to: drinking any time the word “Dude” is said, taking a drink any time Walter (John Goodman) appears on screen. ... Hell, you can just drink at your leisure straight through the movie.That’s what I do. However you choose to take your drink, drink them in abundance, and remember, “Donnie, you’re out of your element!”

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12 • b u z z w e e k l y

I’M NOT VERY GOOD AT NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS.

f r e e

w i l l

ARIES

a s t r o l o g y

(March 21-April 19):

Your assignment in 2005 is to wage a revolution in the sphere where you have the most ower. Your home? Your marriage? Your workplace? Local government? Wherever it is, Aries, arm yourself with tact and compassion as you overthrow the stale status quo by manifesting your shining ideal. Let this advice from Buckminster Fuller serve as your touchstone: "You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete."

TAU RU S

(April 20-May 20):

I'll send many suggestions your way in the coming months, Taurus. Some of them will ring true to you, and others may not. Some will be evocative clues you'll meditate on for days, while others may fade from your awareness right after you read them. Through it all, there will be two constants. First, every horoscope will be offered to you in a spirit of love. Second, you will always be free to take it or leave it. And now I present what I consider the most important advice for you to keep in mind throughout 2005, though only you can decide if it actually is: Consistently cut away the smaller, weaker buds in order to direct all the forces of growth into the few buds most likely to succeed.

GEMINI

(May 21-June 20):

Am I afraid of sounding too extravagantly optimistic as I deliver my predictions for your year ahead? Well, yes, a little. But I think you can handle it. Besides, there is a caveat: Since even the arrival of good news can be stressful, you may have to struggle at times to deal with all the positive changes that are on the way. Here's an example: I believe 2005 will be your Year of Mind-Wobbling, Heart-Opening Adventures in Love. To receive the fullness of the demanding gifts you'll be offered, you'll probably have to make big adjustments in your habitual behavior.

C A N C E R

(June 21-July 22):

Here's an odd paradox about your fate in 2005: You will get as close to your true home as you have ever been, and yet you'll also be teased and intrigued by a provocative mystery. Let me say it another way: More than at any other time in your life, you will feel like you truly belong here--and yet you'll often be amazed at how enigmatic everything is. I'll give you one more angle on the confounding security that will visit you in the coming months: You'll have an uncanny sense of being cared for by a mother goddess, even as you keep delving further than ever before into the riddles of your unpredictable destiny.

LEO

(July 23-Aug. 22):

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JA N . 5, 2OO5

what ’s your sign? LIBRA

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22): A four-year-

old artist from Binghampton, New York has sold 25 of her paintings, earning $40,000. Marla Olmstead's works have been compared to those of Wassily Kandinsky and Jackson Pollack, and many have appeared in galleries. One critic wrote, "Painting with fingers, spatulas, and brushes, and using plastic mustard bottles to squirt out acrylics, she creates textured, abstract landscapes laden with emotion, depth, and real talent." I'm naming Marla as your official role model for 2005, Libra. I expect the youngest part of you to blossom, unleashing frequent bursts of creativity.

SCORPIO

A few years ago East Timor was described as an "unimaginable, apocalyptic ruin" by UN peacekeepers. More than 200,000 people had died during a 25-year struggle to separate from Indonesia. But after finally gaining its independence, the new nation is now prospering in peace. With this as your inspiration, Scorpio, identify the most intractable and painful problem in your life. Now imagine that in the next ten months, you will transform it as dramatically as the people of East Timor did theirs.

S A G I T TA R I U S (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): One of your main assignments in 2005 is to cultivate your sense of wonder. It's true that you already possess a more acutely developed sensitivity to marvels and miracles than most of the other astrological signs, but you still have a way to go to reach your highest potential. With this in mind, I'll ask you to make 52 appointments with yourself in the coming year. They could be at noon every Monday, or whatever time you choose. During each meeting, you will renew your commitment to seeing with fresh eyes. You'll vow to be alert for previously unnoticed delights lurking in the midst of your familiar surroundings. You'll promise yourself to seek out experiences that teach you things you don't know.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In her book Soul Sounds, Mary Summer Rain recounts a conversation between a man and God. "How long is a million years to you," the man asked. "A second," God replied. Then the man asked, "How much money is a million dollars to you?" "A penny," God said. "Can I borrow a penny?" the man asked. "Sure," God said, "in a second." Here's my interpretation of this anecdote: God was struck by the man's greed and decided to have a joke at his expense. Now if you, on the other hand, Capricorn, are less grandiose in your financial requests for 2005, I believe God will be pretty responsive.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The planetary omens for 2005 are unambiguous: You've got to spend more time in nature. For the sake of your physical and mental health, you must escape the familiar confines of your comfy cages-must wander out into wild places that are far from plastic, concrete, bricks, and glass. Your Official Maxim of the Year comes from essayist Edward Dahlberg: "Man is at the nadir of his strength when the earth, the seas, the mountains are not in him, for without them his soul is unsourced, and he has no images by which to abide." In the coming months, Aquarius, find a way to get the earth, the seas, and the mountains inside you.

VIRGO

PISCES

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):

JA N . 5, 2OO5

“City street lights, even stop lights, blink a bright red and green, as the shoppers rush home with their treasures.” Rush is right, especially since you haven’t bought any “treasures” yet. A gift basket from Bath & Body Works just won’t cut it this year, so Market Place is out. A quick trip by car or bus, however, will bring you to Downtown Champaign, a neighborhood of nearly 50 shops that are guaranteed to provide you with a unique and special present for everyone.

JENNY CRABILL • STAFF WRITER (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):

Last month, a religious fanatic in Taiwan decided to reach out to a previously neglected group of heathens. At a zoo, he leaped into a lion's den and began trying to convert the beasts to the Christian faith. "Jesus will save you!" was one of his oft-repeated exhortations. The lions seemed enraged by his appeals, and it was only through the heroic efforts of the zookeepers that the crusader was saved from martyrdom. Let him serve as your anti-role model in 2005, Leo. Work diligently to spread your good intentions; be brave in promoting your high ideals; ramp up your powers of persuasion to a new level; but don't waste your time trying to win over dumb beasts, bad listeners, and narrow-minded dogmatists.

Marilynne Robinson published her first novel, Housekeeping, in 1982. It was nominated for a Pulitzer Prize, and an influential critic called it one of the ten best novels of the twentieth century. This November, 22 years later, Robinson came out with her second work of fiction, Gilead. "Writing is like praying," she told Carin Besser in The New Yorker Online. "In both, if they are to be authentic, grace and truth must discipline thought." I nominate Robinson to be your patron saint in 2005, Virgo. May she inspire you to produce another gem like the one you did some years ago. May her example give you the faith to work as slowly as you need to in order to remain impeccable, allowing grace and truth to discipline your thought.

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(Feb. 19-March 20):

The coming year will be prime time for you to reinvent your conception of and relationship with God. The best way to begin this fun project is to throw away everything you think you know about the subject and start from scratch. Why not imagine a Divine Creator who is wild and free, who inhabits both the dark and the light, who exudes mystery as well as goodness, who heals with strange beauty as much as with sweet insight, and who gives you puzzles that bring you to the brink of crazed excitement, at which point you break through into a higher way of knowing—an almost sensual contact with a marvelous, difficult, entertaining God?

HOMEWORK: ALL OF US ARE TRYING TO WAKE UP FROM OUR SLEEPY DELUSIONS ABOUT THE NATURE OF LIFE. WHAT WILL BE YOUR MOST POTENT WAKE-UP TECHNIQUE IN 2005? TESTIFY AT WWW.FREEWILLASTROLOGY.COM.

Rebecca’s Carrying items old and new, Rebecca’s Fun & Functional Items of 204 N. Neil St. brings fun to gift-giving. Where else could you find an Edgar Allan Poe action figurine? “People that come in here are looking for unusual things,” explained owner Rebecca Schoell. This charming store truly appeals to all ages. Perhaps your roommate might enjoy a Mexican tile mirror for her room. Surely your mom would love a colorful silk scarf or an embroidered silk pillow. Don’t forget dad, who would be thrilled to add an antique tool to his collection. Rebecca’s has no limits when it comes to choices. But they are limited to one criterion—everything is unique.

Jane Addams Book Shop Try to think about the last time you finished a book for leisure. For some, it may have been months! Break is the perfect time to curl up in a corner and enjoy a great novel.Why not give the gift of relaxation? There is nothing more personal than giving someone a book by one of their favorite authors, poets or artists. Jane Addams Book Shop, located at 208 N. Neil St., has three stories and thousands of books. An order can be put in for a book they don’t have. Most books are used and their subjects range from poetry, art and history to the classics, fiction and more. Owner Flora Faraci notes that many are a hard find. Whether your loved one worships Steinbeck, Picasso, Longfellow, Aesop or even the ever so hyped-up Kabbalah religion, Jane Addams Book Shop simply has it all. If you can’t afford the $600 rare editions, go for the copies.

Carrie’s Carrie’s, of 204 N. Neil St., carries antique furniture, jewelry, clothing and other ornaments that have kept up for years, some even centuries. Stepping inside Carrie’s is like entering another world. Toto, we aren’t in Bergner’s anymore. An emerald-clustered gold brooch. A flapper’s string of beads hanging from the ceiling. A deep blue velvet chair. A 1950s Coca-Cola sign. A

buzz weekly •

I’M GOING TO LEARN HOW TO SCREEN PRINT SHIRTS SOMEDAY.

Shop C-U for

UNIQUE GIFTS feathered hat with lace overlay.A copy of the Chicago Daily Tribune from Aug. 15, 1944, stating, “Jap war is over!”You won’t find these things anywhere else. Any item in this store makes for a timeless gift.

Ten Thousand Villages Feeling Philanthropic? Pay a visit to Ten Thousand Villages at 105 N. Walnut. This nonprofit, international gift store markets products made in 32 different countries. The artisans providing these goods are either unemployed or underemployed. They receive a fair amount for their items, which helps them pay for food, health care, family housing and education. Among the interesting pieces are watches made from bone, oriental rugs from Pakistan, beaded purses from Guatemala and attractive placemats and coasters made from recycled paper. “There is nothing tacky. That, I think, is the signature of the store,” said Manager Naomi Rempe. “And it’s using what we would throw away in the U.S., raw materials and suchRecycled paper, bone, flattened oil ... It’s a great place for gifts.”

LIX Boutique Gifts with more of an edge can be found at LIX Boutique at 10 E. Main St. Merchandise includes men’s and women’s gothic, fetish, club wear, dancewear, shoes and accessories. But don’t confuse LIX with Hot Topic or Spencer’s. Items are either very hard to find, found only online or even made by the store’s owner. “We’re more underground. Their stuff is more mainstream,” said employee Britany Bindrim. A more popular present purchased this holiday season has been the “leg lamp,” seen in the classic Christmas movie A Christmas Story, complete with the black stiletto heel. Also popular among teens and college students have been legwarmers, studded belts and hard-to-find music and horror T-shirts. To show someone how much you care this holiday season, challenge yourself. Veer away from the striped scarves, lotions and gift certificates. Get personal and visit the unique shops of Downtown Champaign.

Crafty gifts at

Creation Arts Studios EMILY COTTERMAN • STAFF WRITER

Are you tired of giving the same general

The Creation Arts Studios can be contacted at (217) 3446955.

gifts each holiday season? Women: bubble bath, bath salts, candles and flowery journals. Men: ties, Dilbert calendars, self-help office books and scarves. But in Urbana there is a bunch of unique presents you can purchase at Creation Arts Studios. Owner Jeanine Bestoso has adult open studio workshops and lessons that allow people to paint, draw, create collages and other mixed media. There is also clay-building, either with a wheel or by hand. The lessons are ongoing year-round, but the workshops are periodic—usually about every one to two months; the next one starts Jan 8. Lessons are paid monthly and are on Tuesday evenings from 7-9 p.m., Saturday afternoons from 1-3 p.m. and Thursday

DIY

T-shirts

SUSIE AN • AROUND TOWN EDITOR

A T-shirt is a safe gift that anyone could use. Of

course, you’re not going to give your friend some plain, white Fruit of the Loom T-shirt. Two easy ways to make a T-shirt design are to either use iron-on transfers or paint a design using acrylic or fabric paint. Iron-on transfer paper can be found at any store that carries printer ink and paper. You can design something on your own computer by using the paint accessory, Photoshop or whatever else that prints. Take note that your print-out will iron on the mirror image of what is on your computer. So if you have text, make sure to reverse it on your screen before you print. Otherwise, your words will be backward when you iron it to the shirt. For ironing, follow the directions on the iron-on transfer packet. If you decide to paint the shirt, make sure to wash it first. This is not a puffpaint shirt, but if you think your friend is into that, then you should also consider sequins and rhinestones. Plan out the placing of your image or words on the shirt so you won’t run into any unfortunate spacing accidents. Place a side of cardboard (or the equivalent) in the shirt so that you have a flat surface where the paint won’t bleed through to the other s i d e. Pa i n t yo u r design and let it set until dry. Create your own d e s i g n a n d g ive them something made from the heart.

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morning from 10 a.m. until noon, but other times can be arranged. However, she also holds lessons for children after school for an hour and a half. Bestoso believes in having an “open studio,” meaning everyone gets to work on their own ideas. She says that the workshops and lessons are about “personal empowerment, communication and the release of stress.” However, these arty gifts do keep on giving, as the studio is an “Illinois State Board of Education-approved provider of continuing professional developmental units,” so the classes not only provoke the senses but also give education credits to art teachers. But that’s not all—there is also a gallery of artwork for sale in all areas. Bestoso sells art T-shirts and note cards that have her and her son’s designs printed on them. She also does picture-framing, calligraphy, murals, illustrations and commissioned portraits along with the classes. Bestoso considers herself in the realm of “art services” —she does absolutely everything and thinks that the studios offer “fine art gifts.”

More hot gift spots in C-U Walnut Street Tea Company

Priceless Books

– 115 S. Walnut St., C

Another great stop for used books. One of the best fiction selections in town.

Fresh teas and coffee beans along with other wonderful treats for stockings or a festive basket.

Circles – 107 N. Walnut St., C

Unique clothing and accessories.

Nic’s Basket Case – 219 N. Neil, C

Interesting gifts; if you can’t find something here, you’re out of luck.

– 108 W. Main St., U

Record Swap – 110 S. Race St., U

Vinyls and CDs: Record Swap houses some of your favorite old vinyls in great condition.

International Galleries – Lincoln Square Mall, U

Wonderful gift ideas for the artist and art lover in all of us.

Parasol Records

Art Mart

– 303 W. Griggs, U

– Lincoln Square Mall, U

Independent, underground, and local CDs and vinyls. If they don’t have it in store, you can order it.

Home furnishings you can’t find anywhere else.

Dandelion

– 116 N. Walnut St., C

– 9 Taylor, C

Vintage and resale clothes coupled with funky and elegant accessories—great place to find your New Year’s Eve attire.

Exile on Main St. – 1 Main Building, C

Used CDs, video games and DVDs.

Old Main Book Shoppe A great selection of used books and vinyls.

Cinema Gallery – 120 W. Main, U

Browse the latest exhibit and choose from their selection of unique gifts.


18 • b u z z w e e k l y

HE REALLY DID SHOOT HIS EYE OUT!

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JA N . 5, 2OO5

BRIAN NICHOLS • STAFF WRITER

It’s that time of year again, and what Christmas

would be complete without watching the timeless classic A Christmas Story. The story centers around one childhood Christmas of young Ralphie Parker (Peter Billingsley) during the 1940s. Ralphie has just one item on his Christmas list: a Red Ryder BB Gun. But fate is conspiring against young Ralphie, because his mother, teacher, and even Santa himself—well, actually, a mall Santa—have decided that a BB rifle is too dangerous for a little boy.They constantly taunt him with one of the movie’s most memorable phrases ever:“You’ll shoot your eye out.” The movie produced some very memorable characters that may be as synonymous with Christmas as

STORY

good old St. Nick himself. Supporting characters include Ralphie’s little brother Randy (Ian Petrella), who can’t eat from a plate unless he’s pretending to be a barnyard critter, and the playground bully, aptly named Scut Farkus (Zack Ward).With a name like Scut Farkus, you are pretty much predestined to be a bully. Darren McGaven delivers a hilarious performance as Ralphie’s dad, whose excitement over his “major award” makes for one of the funniest scenes in the movie. Perhaps the best part about watching A Christmas Story is that through all the laughs, you cannot help but see some of your family’s behavior during Christmas on the screen.

PAUL WAGNER • FILM EDITOR

F

ra-gee-lay. That must be Italian.” What better way to describe the leg lamp from A Christmas Story? Fragile, maybe, but anything short of amazing would be an injustice to the glory that is the lamp.Admittedly,it was an ugly lamp, but it would make for one hell of a present to give to someone.You know, if they like lamps shaped like legs—which they should. But if you can’t find a leggy lamp at Bed, Bath and Beyond this year (they’re out of season now), you can easily make yourself one. I suggest heading to a thrift store and

buzz weekly •

MMM, YUMMY DRINKS ...

This week, I’m taking a little break from the

founded and is still run by conservative Christians. As cited in an Arizona Republic article,“Brooke Stephens, a New York financial planner and author who offers advice on National Public Radio’s Tavis Smiley Show, says that Buy Nothing Day is a good opportunity to focus on one’s financial situation.” Both Buy Nothing groups use a variety of means to spread their message,be it mall protests, anticonsumerist Christmas carols or Web resources like youth Bible study guides, free Buy Nothing posters or alternative gift ideas. “Buy Nothing Christmas is a little tough taking it literally.Taking it that literally is not really in the spirit of the concept, either,” said University philosophy professor Steven Wagner. “I think that the motivation comes out best when you look at things like the New York Times business page and look at the frenzy for x-thousand-dollar home theater systems or super-expensive toys and such and the idea that the Christmas season is one for making these massive consumer purchases. This isn’t (in) the same league as buying a scarf or a chocolate cake for someone you care about.” It is well known that we consume many times more than people in other countries do. Americans have also increased their amounts of spending over the past 50 years or so. Not only that, but we buy more foreign goods, too. “The problem is that too many of us buy too many goods that are not produced in the United States,” Baer said. “Our big problem is that we have a tremendous balance of payments deficit.” While one may argue we are prosperous and it is justified, a few questions are inevitable and critical. One, have our

Leg lamp

JA N . 5, 2OO5

AMANDA KOLLING • CONTRIBUTING WRITER

Christmas

A CHRISTMAS

TOASTING TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY WITH TASTY HOLIDAY DRINKS

Merry BUY NOTHING He went on to say,“And it starts at Thanksgiving time, even before Thanksgiving, in which the various economic interests make sure that there will be nice Christmas displays everywhere, that you start singing all these Christmas songs, the tearjerkers, etc. It is a highly calculated, acutely monitored, These are all techniques to (make us carefully coordinated orgy. The monthlong say), ‘Oh my god, we’re gonna feel well, therefore let’s spend more holiday shopping overindulgence begins money.’” before the sun even rises the day after Although, many people are often Thanksgiving. Across the country, with the heard questioning all this spending. “Is unblinking eye of television cameras looking this what Christmas or Hanukkah is all about? Doesn’t this just make us greedon, frosty-breathed, bundled-up shoppers, ier and more selfish?” Unfortunately, it still full from the night before, line up in a often seems those questions are final moment of orderliness. The starting drowned out in the loud crunch of gun is the thud of the bolt sliding away from torn wrapping paper and the same endlessly repeated Christmas songs. the door lock. Hell soon breaks loose. Actually, and for the past few years now, small but growing numbers of people are trying to make an anticonsumpTIM PETERS • STAFF WRITER tion message heard. Buy Nothing Christmas The high-toned grind of the receipt and Buy Nothing Day are two Canadian printer, the crackling of plastic bags, the movements whose aims are simple: Buy nothbanging of coins against the register as the ing during the holidays and end the concashier scrambles to work as fast as possible, sumption and greed. Buy Nothing Day is a all signify the same things. This roughly 30- creation of the organization Adbusters, a day binge is driven by our impulses toward Vancouver-based not-for-profit, self-described as a “global network of artists, activists, writers, consumption. “Extreme sentimentalism is attached to pranksters, students, educators and entreprethese holiday periods,” said University of neurs who want to advance the new social Illinois economics professor Werner Baer,“in activist movement of the information age.” which you constantly see advertising with Their aim is to “topple existing power strucfamilies sitting around with Christmas deco- tures and forge a major shift in the way we rations, the Christmas tree and all the long- will live in the 21st century.” Buy Nothing Day is associated with the lost cousins coming in. That’s supposed to above and Buy Nothing Christmas was give you an incentive to buy more.”

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incomes increased in proportion to our spending? Also, has all this increased consumption actually raised our happiness? If the answer to the former question is no, then it would indicate we are just shackling ourselves to debt.The American Bankruptcy Institute maintains that, from 1980 to 2003, the number of bankruptcy filings increased along with the amount of debt per personal income. If the answer to the second question is no, then not only are we getting ourselves into financial trouble, but it is for no reason, as well. These groups want consumers to be able to think and be free. Why is it that just the notion of a Buy Nothing Christmas sounds so odd? It truly seems built into us that we must spend during the holidays, as if it were almost selfish not to. “In the sense of trying to get away from the Christmas or year-end holiday season as this orgy of major consumer purchases, yes, I think not only is that good social thinking in the long run but would make everyone an awful lot happier,”Wagner said. In general, these movements challenge the status quo. Having the vague aim of just nominally stopping consumption might be unrealistic and kind of absurd. But what will ideally happen is that when you see protesters on the news, read an issue of Adbusters magazine or see a Buy Nothing poster, you will think. The probable single greatest reason we continually spend so much at the holidays is because we have been conditioned to believe we must.The absolute presence of corporate media, advertising and tilted government all shout a message of “buy.” All it takes is one thought, no matter its content, to drown out the static. buzz

alphabet and giving you all a little holiday cheer in the form of drink recipes. This is the time of year to gather friends and family close, eat too much, drink a bit and forget about waistlines until we draw up our New Year’s resolutions. One easy way to enjoy company with a minimum of stress is to host a cocktail party, where it’s understood that you’ll be providing snacks or hors d’oeuvres (not a full dinner), lots of drinks and good conversation. Just be sure to remember the designated drivers among your guests by having plenty of non-alcoholic beverages on hand. I also like to finish the night with offers of freshly brewed coffee or tea.You could pass bitesized desserts as this time, too. Wassail means “be in good health,” a nice toast before drinking this warming punch. Combine 2 quarts apple cider, 1 1/3 cups of lemon juice, 5 cinnamon sticks, 10 whole cloves, 1 1/2 tsp nutmeg, 10 whole allspice, and 1/2 cup brown sugar in a large pot. Bring to a boil and then cover and simmer for about 20 minutes. Using a sieve, remove the whole spices.Add 2/5 of dry sherry. Pour the hot punch into a warm (important!) punch bowl. Garnish with lemon or orange slices and serve.

Apple Cider Punch (non-alcoholic, although you could add rum or calvados) Bring 4 quarts of apple cider, 6 ounces frozen lemonade, 6 ounces frozen orange juice, 1 cup brown sugar, 5 whole cloves, 5 whole allspice, 1 teaspoon nutmeg, and several cinnamon sticks to a boil in a large stockpot. Simmer for 30 minutes or so. Use a sieve to remove the whole spices. Serve in a warm punch bowl. Hot Buttered Rum Add 2 cups packed brown sugar, 1/2 cup unsalted butter, a dash of salt, 3 cinnamon sticks, 6 whole cloves, and 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg to a crockpot. Stir in 2 quarts of hot water. Cover and cook on low for 5 hours. Just before serving, add 2 cups rum. Ladle into mugs, top with whipped cream and a dusting of nutmeg. Hot Toddy A hot toddy is the perfect antidote to the sniffles, but you could enjoy one sans cold. To one mug, add 2 shots brandy or rum and 1 tablespoon of honey. Top with hot brewed tea. Garnish with a lemon slice.

Spiked Eggnog The easiest way to make spiked eggnog is to use some good-quality store-bought (I know, some are screaming “sacrilege” right now) eggnog, like Oberweis, and add brandy, rum or bourbon to taste.Top with whipped cream and a dash of nutmeg and enjoy. Of course, if you want to make it from scratch, remember to slowly heat your eggs to 160 degrees or use a pasteurized egg substitute to avoid any risk of salmonella. Punch There are so many punch recipes, it’s hard to know where to begin. I think any combination of fruit juices and champagne is a good idea, but here’s something to get you started: Combine 1 liter of ginger ale, 2 six-ounce packages of frozen lemonade, 1 six-ounce package of orange juice 1 bottle of brut champagne. Garish with orange slices. I think mango juice and strawberries would be nice, too. Remember, lemon-lime soda can be used in place of champagne if you prefer a nonalcoholic version. I wish you all a safe and happy holiday season! Amanda Kolling welcomes your comments and suggestions. E-mail her at amandakolling@readbuzz.com.

Coulter’s comment

I don’t really go to the big family dinners anymore, and to be honest, I don’t really miss them much. See, I never made it to the big table. It was always the kids in the garage sitting around a flimsy card table and the adults in the house sitting around a sturdy dining table. I got close to the big table once when I was in college, thanks to the timely death of an aunt, but then my cousin had to get married to avoid the bastardization of her coming child, so the new guy got my spot in the house. He hadn’t put up with the cold garage for 10 years, not to mention putting up with all the relatives and my infernal Aunt Toots insisting everyone eat at least one vegetable. He commandeered my throne simply by sleeping with a cousin, and even though it was Southern Illinois, I wasn’t going to sleep with my damned cousin just to eat in comfort.

for film-philes picking up a tall, possibly curvy lamp (you can probably buy a new tall, possibly curvy lamp, but that costs bunches of money). Then, decorate the lamp to look like a leg. Use paint or fabric or whatever you want. For an even better effect, get some fishnets and put them on the lamp as well. Soon you’ll have all your friends saying things like, “Only one thing in the world could’ve dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.” And if that’s the case, go ahead and buy that friend an Official Red Ryder CarbineAction 200-Shot Range Model Air Rifle like they really want.

The Corkscrew Wine Emporium and Vosges Haut Chocolat from Chicago… The ultimate wine and chocolate pairing! Vosges chocolate bars and truffles make great stocking stuffers.

203 North Vine Street, Urbana (217) 337-7704

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10 • b u z z w e e k l y

I COULD GO FOR A MARTINI ...

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JA N . 5, 2OO5

C-U AT DINNER: HOLIDAY APPETIZERS

RECIPES FROM SOME OF THE AREA’S BEST CHEFS

H

olidays, schmolidays, that’s what I always say. And I say that because “Bah-humbug!” was already taken. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the Good Will Toward Men (and Women) and Peace on Earth stuff, it’s the inflatable lawn Santas that bug me. One thing I do like is getting together with friends to drink and eat (most people mistakenly list those activities in the opposite order). But only a masochist would consider throwing a full-blown dinner party this time of year. Here are some ideas for a more manageable appetizer and wine party from some prominent local chefs (plus an easy dessert of my own).

KIEL CHRISTIANSON • CONTRIBUTING WRITER

Let’s start off simple and sublime, with a Smoked Salmon Spread courtesy Nancy Scott of Sun Singer Wines (1115 W. Windsor Road, Champaign). Ingredients: 1 lb cream cheese, room temperature 1/4 cup heavy cream 4 oz smoked salmon cut into one-inch pieces 1 tbs capers 2 tbs lemon juice 1 tsp each dill, salt, pepper Prep:Whip cream cheese in mixer until fluffy ( about 3 minutes). Slowly add heavy cream; mix till incorporated.Add capers, lemon juice, dill, salt and pepper until combined. Mix in salmon. Serve with crusty bread. Scott recommends matching the spread with a Pinot Noir such as Mark West 2002 Oregon Pinot ($13.50 at Sun Singer). Biaggi’s (2235 S. Neil St., Champaign) sous chef Matthew Wilcox provides a Crab, Spinach & Artichoke Dip. Ingredients: 5 oz fresh spinach, clipped and cleaned 2 finely chopped garlic cloves 2 tbs, 1 tsp olive oil 1 cup canned coarsely chopped artichoke hearts 3 oz crab meat 6 oz lobster meat 8 oz marscapone (Italian cream cheese) 1 1/4 cup shredded mozzarella or provolone Ground cayenne pepper and salt to taste 1/4 cup parmesan Prep: Heat small sauce pot over medium-high heat. Add olive oil and garlic, stirring until garlic is golden brown. Add spinach, stir 1 minute and turn off heat. Continue to stir until spinach is wilted. Strain juices and discard; set aside to cool. Once cool, chop fine and put in mixing bowl. Add remaining ingredients (except parmesan) and mix thoroughly. Place in two 9”x9” baking dishes and cover evenly with parmesan. Bake at 375 degrees for 8-10 minutes until middle is hot and bubbling and cheese is golden brown. Serve with rosemary crisps or herb bread. Luke Wohlers at The Corkscrew (203 N. Vine St., Urbana) recommends the Elisabeth Geppetti Solo Muremma 2002 ($14.99) with this dip. Luke Kennedy, chef and proprietor of Kennedy’s at Stone Creek (2560 S. Stone Creek Blvd, Urbana) provides two grilled offerings. The first is Grilled Chicken Drumsticks. Ingredients: 16 chicken legs 1 tsp each of ginger, cardamom, turmeric, cinnamon, allspice 2 tsp coriander 2 tbs each of cayenne, salt 4 tbs peanut oil

1/2 cup each paprika, red wine 1/4 cup fresh orange juice Prep: Combine all dry spices in bowl and cook in a large pan for 2 minutes. Add red wine and cook for 2 minutes until it becomes a paste. Let paste cool, then mix with oil and orange juice. Rub drumsticks with paste and let stand covered for 2 hours in fridge. Grill over medium heat for 12-15 minutes. Wohlers recommends the Montinore Estate Gewurtztraminer 2003 ($12.99 at the Corkscrew) to compliment the spiciness of the drumsticks. Kennedy’s second suggestion is Grilled Shrimp with Mango Salsa. Ingredients: 30 large (16-20) shrimp 3 mangos 1 bell pepper 1 medium red onion 1/4 chopped large pineapple 1 tsp ground cumin 1 tbs chopped fresh basil 2 tbs fresh chopped cilantro Juice of 4 limes 4 ancho (dried poblano) peppers, soaked, drained and pureed Prep: Mix all ingredients (except shrimp) in bowl by hand. Peel and devein shrimp, skewer, add pinch of salt, pepper and oil. Grill shrimp until opaque. Enjoy them right off the grill with the salsa. Wohlers recommends Forrester’s Stellenbosch Petit Chenin 2004 ($9.99) with these tasty frutti di mare. For dessert, here’s one of my all-time simple favorites, Baked, Spiked Peaches & Cream. Ingredients: Fresh peaches (1/2 peach for each guest) Whipping cream Brown sugar Bourbon Prep: Halve the peaches. Fill the hole in each half where the pit was with brown sugar. Bake at 350 degrees until sugar melts and bubbles. While they’re baking, whip (with mixer or your hand will fall off) cream until just about fluffy. Splash in bourbon to taste and finish whipping. Take out peaches and slop the whipped cream on top—don’t be stingy. If you’ve added the right amount of bourbon, you won’t need any other after-dinner drink. I know what those of you who just can’t figure out why you have canine teeth are saying: “Why so much meat?” Well, that’s a fair cop. Sorry. Just be glad I didn’t give you my recipe for reindeer jerky (Rudolf the salted reindeer had a very tasty ass ...). To remedy the situation, I promise to put together an entirely vegetarian menu next time I C-U at dinner. Until then, Happy Schmolidays!

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20 • b u z z w e e k l y

PLEASE SANTA, I PROMISE I’LL BE GOOD NEXT YEAR.

MUSIC

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GRAPHIC • MEAGHAN DEE (WHO WOULD LOVE TO GET ONE OF HER OWN THIS SEASON.)

PREDICTIONS FOR 2005 IMRAN SIDDIQUEE & SHADIE ELNASHAI • STAFF WRITERS

BECK

A few years removed from a heartbreaking divorce, Beck’s latest LP promises to be a bit more upbeat than his tragic classic Sea Change. Expect a combination of the melancholic with traces of Odelay! Beck’s forthcoming album, produced by both the Dust Brothers and Dan The Automator,hits to rave reviews. Fans can’t get over what’s it’s missing, though—a fourth producer. — i.s.

THE DECEMBERISTS

FLAMING LIPS

Perhaps the greatest band in America are expected to follow up Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, a modern masterpiece, with something even weirder and hopefully just as catchy. The album should arrive before the summer, which implies some really great shows this summer. — i.s.

SIGUR RÓS’ “STARÁLFUR”

The literary elite of the indie rock world return in March with a new album full of sorrow, joy and alliteration. At last year’s show they promised to return to Champaign in support of the new album, so here’s hoping that happens as well. — i.s.

KANYE WEST

The most exciting act in mainstream hip hop is set to release another classic set of soulful beats and slightly annoying skits before summer hits. Mr. West has the whole industry in the palm of his hands; let’s hope he does something spectacular with all that power. — i.s.

Sigur Rós’ “Starálfur” features prominently during The Life Aquatic’s climactic sequence, which further cements their growing reputation as one of the unequivocally best bands around.Their ability to juxtapose fragile ethereal beauty with onslaughts of intense postrock is second to none. With a major label contract already (unofficially) in place, the Icelandic experimentalists have been in the studio on and off since January.The album will include certain tracks from recent live shows: the soaring rock-out “Gong,” string-laden “Mílano,” the emotive “Salka,” but most excitingly, the tear-jerking Jónsi solo “Gítardjamm.”The as-yet untitled CD will also boast titles and lyrics, and a more polished feel than their previous effort, ( ). String quartet Amina will rejoin Sigur Rós for recording sessions.A tour of North America and Europe will follow the release. — s.e.

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8 • buzz weekly

PARTY. MY PLACE. BE THERE.

Karaoke "G" Force Karaoke Neil St. Pub 8pm-midnight, free Liquid Courage Karaoke Geo's Chill and Grill 9pm, free

friday December 24 DJ House Music Party Nargile 10pm, free

saturday

December 26 Live Music 4th Annual Mike Armintrout Holiday Jam The Canopy Club 9pm, free The Holiday Blues Revue with Jim Cole, George Faber Cowboy Monkey

monday

December 2 Live Music Dave & Steve White Horse Inn 10pm, free DJ DJ Delayney [hip hop, soul Barfly 10pm, free DJ Resonate [underground and mainstream hip hop, lounge] Cowboy Monkey 10pm, free Industry Night: DJ Paul Anthony Nargile 10pm, free DJ Bozak [hip hop and other soulful beats] Boltini 10:30pm, free

tuesday

December 28 Live Music Open Mic Night hosted by Mike Armintrout featuring Boots and Braceles, The Insolents, XXX Smut, The Resonators The Canopy Club 9pm, $2 if under 21, free if over Adam Wolfe's Acoustic Night with Jess Greenlee Tommy G's 10pm, free DJ DJ Sophisto [house] Barfly 10pm, free 2ON2OUT [indie rock] Cowboy Monkey 10pm, free NOX: DJ Kannibal, DJ Rickbats [goth & industrial] The Highdive 10pm, $2 DJ J-Phlip Boltini 10:30pm, free

thursday

December 30 Kayla Brown Boltini 8pm, free Illinois Central Blues Contest Winner Joe Asslein 9 Of Kilborn Alley) The Canopy Club 9pm, $2 Jazz Mayhem The Iron Post 9pm, TBA Jim Bean Tommy G's 9pm, free DJ DJ J-Phlip Barfly 10pm, free Eclectic Theory White Horse Inn 10pm, free DJ Bozak

December 31 See pages 6 and 7 for local New Year’s Eve Listings

saturday

January 1 Live Music New Year's Day Party with 2ON2OUT Cowboy Monkey 10pm, free User Friendly Tommy G's 10pm, $3 DJ DJ Resonate Barfly 10pm, free DJ Limbs [hip hop, soul, dance] Boltini 10pm, free DJ Bozak [old school, retro, hip hop] Nargile 10pm, free DJ Tim Williams [hip hop, house, Top 40 dance] The Highdive 10pm, $5 DJ Randall Ellison [hi-NRG classics and eurodance videos] White Horse Inn 10pm, free DJ Naughty Boy Joe's Brewery TBA

sunday

January 2 Live Music Sunday Mass with In Arms Dying Tommy G's 9pm, free DJ DJ Wesjile [hip hop] Barfly 10pm, free DJ Bozak [‘80s rewind] Boltini 10:30pm, free

monday January 3 Live Music Jazz Jam with ParaDocs The Iron Post 9pm, TBA Quadremedy

pg.21

December 23 Live Music Kayla Brown Boltini 8pm, free Keithmas: Keith Harden The Iron Post 9pm, TBA Jim Bean Tommy G's 9pm, free Dropsixx, Six Degrees From Center, None Taken, Maxlider The Highdive 9:30pm, $5 Lorenzo Goetz [rock] Cowboy Monkey 10pm, free Doxy White Horse Inn 10pm, free DJ DJ J-Phlip [house] Barfly 10pm, free DJ Bris, DJ Roc On, DJ Delayney Nargile 10pm, TBA DJ Bozak [hip hop and other beats] Boltini 10:30pm, free DJ Odessey Joe's Brewery Karaoke "G" Force Karaoke Pia's of Rantoul 9pm-1am, free

wednesday friday December 29 Live Music Fotomana The Canopy Club 7pm, $3 Brandon T. Washington, Mike Ingram, Joanna Micheal [solo sets] The Iron Post 9pm, $3 Apollo Project [live improv, house music] Nargile 10pm, free Blues Night: The Dave Lindsey Band Tommy G's 10pm, free Premo Records Presents Freestyle Battle & Open Mic Night [live hip hop & dancing] Tonic 10pm, $4 DJ Chef Ra [roots, reggae] Barfly 10pm, free DJ Limbs [hip hop, soul, dance] Boltini 10:30pm, free Dancing Salsa Dancing [salsa, mambo, bachata] Cowboy Monkey 10pm, free Karaoke Outlaw Karaoke White Horse Inn 10pm, free Liquid Courage Karaoke Geovanti's 10pm-2am, free

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Tommy G's 10pm, free Dave & Steve [acoustic] White Horse Inn 10pm, free DJ DJ Delayney [hip hop, soul] Barfly 10pm, free DJ Paul Anthony Nargile 10pm, free DJ Bozak [hip hop and other soulful beats] Boltini 10:30pm, free

Boltini 10:30pm, free Col. Rhodes, The Hubbards [rock] Cowboy Monkey 10:30pm, $3 DJ Odessey Joe's Brewery TBA

Puzzle

thursday

9pm, $5 Sunday Mass: Tremulus, Scream Apologies, MainStream Tommy G's 9pm, free DJ DJ Westjile [hip hop] Barfly 10pm, free DJ Bozak [‘80s rewind] Boltini 10:30pm, free

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tuesday

January 4 Live Music Rob Hecht Bluegrass Trio The Iron Post 8pm, TBA Adam Wolfe's Acoustic Night featuring Jess Greenlee Tommy G's 10pm, free DJ DJ Sophisto [house] Barfly 10pm, free DJ Kannibal, DJ Rickbats [goth and industrial] The Highdive 10pm, $2 DJ Lil Big Bass Boltini 10:30pm, free

wednesday

January 5 Live Music I Object, Help Me, Help Me, I Can't Breathe, Hallowed Out, Name Withheld to Protect the Guilty Red Herring 8pm, $5 Chef Ra [roots, reggae] Barfly 10pm, free Apollo Project [live improv, house music] Tommy G's 10pm, free Kilborn Alley Tommy G's 10pm, free

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b u z z w e e k l y • 21

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS AWESOME? (ME!)

Music is so awesome DJ BOZAK • CONTRIBUTING WRITER

5. DETROIT.

A

Come on, people.The town may not be booming like Chicago, but the music scene is becoming the best in the country. My favorites are Jay Dee, Dwele, Theo Parrish, Slum Village (admittedly the last album was iffy) and Moodymann. Talk about a renaissance.These people are making real, soulful, emotional music, which we need more of!

s you read in the last issue, there was a lot to be excited about in terms of music in 2004.Although the year provided some classic albums (Madvillian comes to mind), I don’t think we will talk about 2004 in the same way other years are heralded. In terms of hip hop, it was no 1993, in terms of house, it was no 1999. Sometimes music has a really, really good year, and although I was a little disappointed with 2004, I have faith that 2005 could be just that ... a freakin’ awesome year. The kind people at Buzz asked me to tell you what I was looking forward to. So here goes, kiddies, my own Top 10 list (in full Rob Gordon fashion) of things I am chomping at the bit to get my hands on: 1. THE SA-RA CREATIVE PARTNERS.

These guys are making some of the most freaked out cosmic slop I’ve ever heard. Think Max Hedrum meets Rick James meets Tron meets Prince.What? Yes! The question, though, is: Are you ready? This is cosmic slop at its best. Straight up year 4000 shit. 2. HIP-HOP PRODUCERS TAKIN’ IT BACK TO THE EARLY ‘90S.

It was bound to happen. You have been waiting oh so long for it. Complaining at times, I know; I was there, too.The fact that Busta has bought some beats from Madlib is a good sign, a real good sign. Look what 9th Wonder did for Nas. Things are comin’ together. Thank god.You know that feeling you get when there is that random warm day in the winter? That’s how I feel just thinking about this.This would be number one but I don’t think its really gonna blow till ‘06. 3. THE SECOND QUASIMOTO ALBUM.

The Unseen, the debut by Quasimoto, is permanently on my Top 5 desert island list (I AM turning into Rob G!). It’s the best 100percent sample-based hip-hop album since Paul’s Boutique (excluding Endtroducing ... that’s in a category to itself). Anything Madlib touches turns to gold, so I am pretty much banking on this one. This would be lower on the chart, but Madlib is such a bizarre goofball, who cares ONLY about making beats, so I have to give the guy credit for that. All you new jacks need to learn from this guy. While you are worried about having gear that will impress the other producer snobs in town, this guy cranks out an album a day on basically crap. AND it’s the best hip hop out. 4. ONLINE RADIO FROM ACROSS THE WORLD.

So you have listened to all the celebrity playlists on iTunes music store and are fiending for some new stuff. Two words. Online Radio. It’s nothing new, but then again, rarely investigated. Look for Benji B’s show and Gilles Petterson’s show, Worldwide, on BBC Radio 1.This is the freshest shit you are gonna hear, bar-none. Some of the tracks are finished right before the show and sent to the host via AIM! That’s so hot! Can someone please cue up the part in Napoleon Dynamite where Kip Dynamite sings at his own wedding how he loves Technology “now and forever?”

Coulter’s comment Christmas Bitch (an incomplete gangsta’ rap song by a drunken white man) I’m talkin’ to my baby, she’s a ho, ho, ho, and I ask the little mama, “Can I give you what fo’?” The snow is fallin’ and I got the itch, I need you to be my Christmas bitch. I’ve always felt my buddies in the local band Hum should have put out a record of Christmas songs called The Little Hummer Boy.They didn’t, but that doesn’t mean singing a Christmas carol still can’t be fun. Everyone hears the standard versions, so try something different. It’s childish and all, but saying “jingle balls” instead of “jingle bells” is always pretty funny, particularly if you slap your buddy in his jingle balls as you’re singing.

6. THE NEW OUTKAST ALBUM.

The last one was so classic. How do you follow that up? I mean, really. I read that they are in the studio recording hardcore hip-hop tracks. Wise choice, fellas. Stick and move, stick and move. One thing though:Am I the only one who wishes Andre 3000 would dress like he did a couple years ago? You know, for a while he looked like he only dressed himself at Dallas & Co. 7. DILLINJA GETTING EXPERIMENTAL.

This is the guy who put the bass in drum & bass. Once upon a time, he blew your mind with his experimentation, or at least mine, but then he got comfortable. Word is he’s hungry again. Can’t wait for his new stuff. Dude has so much bass. Insane amounts. This album is for all of you who still pull grit laps even though you’re 27, bumping all the way. Instead of your high school, it’s Neil Street. Green Camaro, I’m talkin’‘bout you! 8. THE NEPTUNES’ NEW SOUND.

They hinted at it with grindin’. The last five or six tracks that they made which have received mix-tape burn were similar sparse little nuggets of year 3000 funk (not to be confused with year 4000 funk). Unreleased Jay-Z and Clipse, to name a couple. The major label stuff won’t change ... you’ll have to dig deep into the albums and find songs that won’t be accompanied by videos ... but it looks real promising. 9. GETTING MY OWN MUSIC OUT THERE.

Why haven’t I done it yet? Why haven’t you? It’s never been easier. No excuses (unless, like me, you’re trying to save money to press up vinyl). Build a Web site. Burn some CDs. As long as you’re not on MTV you have at least one thing going for you. Still making excuses? Get a friend to do it with, and split the work 50/50! I have DJ Spinnerty. I live in Champaign and he lives in San Fran, yet that distance hasn’t stopped us. No excuses. No excuses! 10. MORE MUSIC!

This year I have gotten into so many great artists (Theo Parrish, Domu,TV On The Radio, etc.) I really can’t wait to hear what’s next. As much as your snobby friends who think they know more then you about music based on what magazines you do or do not read would like you to believe that music sucks ass, for the most part they are dead wrong. I said earlier that 2004 was not a remarkable year, but still, there was some awesome music to be heard. Bored with the music you are so used to stealing? Just peel away another layer and check out something new and fresh. Here, I’ll get you started, get to a computer and Google “broken beat.” Now go!

jonesin crossword puzzle BY MATT JONES

ACROSS 1 Like some hotels 9 More buxom 15 Wear out to exhaustion 16 Meat often hidden 17 She sang lead on "Our Lips Are Sealed" 18 Like the perfect place 19 Lacking experience (in) 20 Soup kitchen utensil 21 Encl. with some contest entries 22 Feels penitent 23 Noises heard more on LPs than CDs 24 Visited 25 Prize given to Carter in 2002 26 Bethesda, to D.C. 29 Blockade enforcers 32 Seafood sometimes imitated 33 Last member 35 5 to 2, e.g. 36 Did an extra car wash job 38 Signs on a violist's sheet music 40 2003 Sigourney Weaver movie 41 Neuter a neigher 42 Songs at the doorstep 44 Acting genre once studied by David Bowie 45 "I don't right reckon so" 48 Up in the air 49 SUV popular with rappers and soccer moms 51 "Amen," in other words 53 Check 21 Act word 54 Dynamic beginning? 55 More obscure, like

a crystal ball gazing 56 Gave lip to 57 1970s mixer involving a bowl and getting some DOWN 1 Yell to the projectionist 2 Former Trump ex, or contestant 3 Jazz label for Basie and Ellington 4 First name in mystery novelists 5 Swizzle stick, basically 6 Cold season containers 7 Former "America's Funniest People" host Sorkin 8 Bassoonist's needs 9 Suffix for an enzyme 10 Game where you

need nouns 11 Phrase used before some Muzak 12 Situation unlike the 2000 or 2004 presidential elections 13 "Germinal" author Zola 14 Jasmine and others 23 "They Shoot Horses, Don't They?" novelist 24 They really hit the low notes 25 Henpeck 26 Univ. 27 Common pee-fix? 28 Spa garb 29 Join together 30 Adobe file ext. 31 Adder's warning 34 My, to Marcel 37 Like some records 39 Remove confusion from 41 One of Leonardo's

crossword loves 42 Picks the players 43 Later, at a luau 44 Company forced to withdraw Vioxx 45 Zenith's opposite 46 Go on ___ (try to lose) 47 "___ Harder" (rental car slogan) 50 Castor and Pollux's mom 52 Death, in Duesseldorf

©2004 Jonesin' Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com)


22 • b u z z w e e k l y

FINALLY! A BREAK, SO I CAN READ FOR FUN AGAIN.

Best READS of 2004 BRIAN WARMOTH • STAFF WRITER

Top 5 FICTION

1. THE PLOT AGAINST AMERICA by Philip Roth

Roth continues his lifelong career writing about the mythos of American culture and politics in this alternate history tale where Charles Lindbergh defeats Franklin Roosevelt in the 1940 election. In this exploration of historical hypothesis, Lindbergh appoints a bipartisan cabinet whose anti-Semitic views begin to alter American society from within as he negotiates peace with Hitler and fosters a nation of paranoia and racism. 2. THE FINAL SOLUTION by Michael Chabon

The author who dissected the comic book in his Pulitzer Prize winning novel The Amazing Adventure of Kavalier & Clay turns his attention to detective fiction in this story of an aged Sherlock Holmes and a mysterious parrot who spouts numbers in German.Told in the setting of Southern England in 1944, Chabon’s novella focuses more on its characters and the cultural landscape of its time and place than it does in trying to become the next great work of detective fiction; but the final product is a story chilling to its core, in the spirit of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. 3. SNOW by Orphan Pumuk

This epic tale of a Turkish poet witnessing the present-day confrontational tension between radical Islam with the West boasts one of the most well-crafted and compelling main characters Pumuk has ever put to paper. Ka, born a Turk and exiled to Germany for 12 years, returns to his home country and embarks on a journalistic expedition into a region torn by politics and religion. The people he encounters, as well as the blunt ideological dilemmas, form a timely and richly populated novel of people and place. 4. HAPPY BABY by Stephen Elliot

In a story about the echoing pangs of sexual abuse, Elliot’s novel tosses the reader into a chronologically reversed sequence of events that delve into the protagonist’s struggle with human relationships and his steady collapse as it winds back into his childhood for consolation. 5. DILLINGER IN HOLLYWOOD by John Sayles

A new compilation of fresh and previously released short fiction, this is an incredible O. Henry Award-winning collection by a writer better known for his screenplays, such as Return of the Secaucus Seven and Silver City.Together, the stories comprise one of the best collections of the year, with Sayles for the first time publishing in book form a number of his pieces which have only previously been seen in magazines such as Rolling Stone and Esquire.

Top 5 NON-FICTION

1. AMERICAN BRUTUS: JOHN WILKES BOOTH AND THE LINCOLN CONSPIRACIES by Michael W. Kaufman

A brilliant work by an independent scholar, Kaufman’s book explores in detail the evidence, artifacts and spaces surrounding Lincoln’s assassination. He pays incredible attention to the events, locations and individual conspirators who collaborated to kill the President on Good Friday in 1865. 2. THE 9/11 COMMISSION REPORT: FINAL REPORT OF THE NATIONAL COMMISSION ON TERRORIST ATTACKS UPON THE UNITED STATES by National Commission on Terror Attacks

Surely not one of the most flowery narratives released during the last year, but undoubtedly one of the most important, the report gets to the bottom of what went wrong within our own government and failed to prevent the Sept. 11 attacks. More than a book of names, numbers and statistics, it is also a retrospective on the signs which, if analyzed in further detail ahead of time, might have motivated effective changes before the fact. 3. WILL IN THE WORLD: HOW SHAKESPEARE BECAME SHAKESPEARE by Stephen Greenblatt

Certainly not the first Shakespeare biography and surely not the last, Greenblatt’s portrait of modern English’s most recognized writer sets out to compose a narrative of the Renaissance author’s life as a young man in Elizabethan England through his rise to become a recognized playwright. Most fascinating is the continued attention to his developing world and the inspirations that contributed to his themes and topics. 4. ARC OF JUSTICE: A SAGA OF RACE, CIVIL RIGHTS, AND MURDER IN THE JAZZ AGE by Kevin Boyle & Henry Holt

Boyle examines an era of history not often highlighted in the United States’ history of race relations.The 1920s were an age of ghettos, KKK action and an ugly undercurrent of violence beneath the gilded age of jazz. Boyle displays the rampant inconsistencies of justice as exhibited in the book’s look at the trial of Ossian Sweet and the professional rise of Clarence Darrow. 5. ALEXANDER HAMILTON by Ron Chernow

Not just another biography, Chernow passionately explores the pursuits of a Founding Father he claims has been often overlooked and obscured by historical happenstance.The author also establishes a case for Hamilton as one of the most prominent pushers of modernizing American capitalism, contrasting him with the dissenting voices of lessignored faces such as Jefferson, Adams and Washington.

Top 5 GRAPHIC NOVELS

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2. HOW LOATHSOME by Ted Naifeh & Tristen Crane

A gender exploration as can only be told through comic art, this graphic novel challenges its readers to step into a world of ambiguities and struggle to define one’s own identity while trying to navigate various subcultures of Berkeley, Calif.The androgynous visual depictions of its characters and painfully universal searches to connect with other people while still remaining unsure of oneself make this an accessibly powerful window into drug abuse, subcultural norms and self-image. 3. THE DIARY OF A TEENAGE GIRL by Phoebe Gloeckner

This autobiographical hybrid of prose and comic art presents the first-person real-time perspective of a girl growing up through a dysfunctional family life, figuring out how to make the transition into young adulthood and following her artistic ambitions. Gloeckner’s novel is an important piece to see published, both as a combination of forms and as a welldeveloped and honest portrayal of teenage girlhood. 4. IN THE SHADOW OF NO TOWERS by Art Spiegelman

Spiegelman, a Pulitzer Prize winner for his two-volume graphic novel Maus, presents his latest major work about New York life in the wake of the Sept. 11 tragedy. Intertwining art styles that reflect on the innocence and anger surrounding his thoughts on the Towers and the attacks, he presents a collage of moments as he and his family reacted over time to the iconic vacancy on the New York skyline. 5. THE COMPLETE PEANUTS 1950-1952 by Charles M. Schultz

Reissued in full for the first time by Fantagraphics, this first volume (with introduction by Garrison Keiler) collects the first years of Schultz’s legendary children. Unfamiliar to many younger readers of the Sunday funnies, the pre-Snoopy years shine a different light than later shone on Charlie Brown and his friends. Shaded by instances of witty cynicism, but marked by the seeds of character and imagination that would come to define the strip, this first collection is an incredibly important work.

JA N . 5, 2OO5

SUPPORT LOCAL ARTISTS When doing your holiday shopping, don’t forget to check out local authors and artists. My pick this season is John Jennings’ The Hole: Parts of a Hole, a graphic novel available through lulu.com. (a friendly suggestion from your art director)

1. PERSEPOLIS 2: THE STORY OF A RETURN by Marjane Satrapi

In her autobiographical sequel to Persepolis, Satrapi switches worlds as she departs her Marxist Iranian household buried in the oppression of Mullah rule and travels to Austria, where, through deeply affecting iconic depictions, she wrestles with the tensions she experiences between her Iranian upbringing and the Western landscape she comes to occupy. If the first book was about her road to leaving Tehran, this follow-up charts her turn back to Iran from the outside, which demands her own internal reconciliation of cultural identities.

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LIVE ENTERTAINMENT

Cowboy Monkey, a favorite hangout for many of Champaign-Urbana music lovers, is hosting a party with local blues legend Candy Foster. Foster has been known throughout the Midwest since the 1950s, playing rhythm and blues, drawing from more traditional and urban influences. The $20 cover includes a coat check, hors d’oeuvres, champagne toast and party favors, plus the music of Foster and Shades of Blue. Candy Foster and Shades of Blue 9:30pm, $20 http://thunder.prohosting.com/~cfoster/

JEFF NELSON • STAFF WRITER

If you’re looking for a getaway that provides

some special live entertainment for the holiday season, here is a guide to some of my favorite theater options in the Chicago area. A great place to begin are the venues that offer stage versions of Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. For 27 seasons, the Goodman Theatre at 170 North Dearborn has presented their own special adaptation of this literary classic.Tom Creamer’s script has been their working format for the last 18 years. This script, with Kate Buckley’s direction, has been such magic that this well-established Chicago tradition just seems to get better. This year’s production is no exception. William Brown as Scrooge handles the transition from nasty miser to reformed benefactor superbly, but it’s a supporting actor who steals the show. Bradley Mott, as the ghost of Christmas Present and other small roles, has a wonderful way of dominating every scene that he is in without overwhelming the other actors. This guy knows how to steal a show with class. Move quickly on this one; this is not Chicagoland’s best kept secret and it just gets better every year. Call (312) 443-3800 or check out the Web site at www. goodmantheatre.org. The only bad news—it closes on Dec. 26 and there are no shows on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Can’t get tickets? Try the Metropolis Performing Arts Center at 111 W. Campbell St. in Arlington Heights, just northwest of Chicago. They offer their own version of Dickens’ masterpiece, a musical one, adapted by Krista Scott and directed by Robin Hughes. Check at (847) 577-2121 or www.metropolisarts.com; you have until Dec. 26 here as well. Then check out the schedule for the metropolis’ famous non-family holiday offering—The Second City’s Dysfunctional Holiday Review. Leave the kids at home and find out what the holidays are really about—this one runs until Dec. 31.This is great fun for those with somewhat iconoclastic visions of holiday reality.

The Highdive is hosting DJ Tim Williams. The $15 admission includes a coat check, party favors and champagne toast, in addition to the local DJ music. You can also request a private booth by emailing info@thehighdive.com. Dancing, champagne and fun at The Highdive on New Year’s Eve could be what you are looking for. The Highdive DJ Tim Williams Admission price includes coat check, party favors, and champagne toast For private booth info contact info@thehighdive.com $15

bar Joe’s Brewery is also holding a New Year’s bash, featuring The Naughty Boy and special guest. Drink specials for the night are on beer and Bacardi. If you get there before 9 p.m., you won’t have to pay a cover. Make sure you stay for the free champagne toast at midnight. Whether on the dance floor or around the bar, Joe’s Brewery could be your idea of a New Year’s Eve party. Campus

Joe’s Brewery The Naughty Boy and special guest Free champagne toast at midnight No cover before 9pm

Tommy G’s in Champaign will host X-Krush and Amended Return for the night before 2005. Tommy G’s is hosting a prime rib dinner special from 5-9 p.m. Then stay for the rest of the night for the party, which features free appetizers

buzz weekly •

IT’S NOT ABOUT MAKING NEW RESOLUTIONS. IT’S ABOUT FORGETTING THE ONES YOU MADE LAST YEAR.

until midnight, party favors and a champagne toast with a balloon drop at midnight. Hey, if you can’t make it to New York for New Year’s Eve, you might as well go to the nearest balloon drop. After the countdown, there will be free shots at 2 a.m. It gets better—the ticket stub from the New Year’s Eve party will get you in for free at the Jan. 1 show with User Friendly at 10 p.m. And it’s all for $15 per person or $25 per couple. Come out early for dinner and stay for free drinks and music through the whole night. Tommy G’s X-Krush and Amended Return 9pm-2am, $15 per person, couples for $25 http://www.xkrush.com/

DJ Vamp will be spinning at on New Year’s Eve. Partygoers can dance to hip hop, dance and house music. The night also features a free champagne toast at midnight. And for $5, the event gives you everything a good party should, at a cheap price. Party starts at 8 p.m.!

Nargile Lounge

Nargile Lounge DJ Vamp spins hip hop, dance, house music Free champagne toast at midnight 8pm-2am, $5

For those who are interested in more international cuisine for their New Year’s Eve party, Radio Maria might be the place for them. Radio Maria features a five-course dinner straight from Spain—cava toast, tapas, salad and paella. This incredible meal will be $55. Getting hungry? Check online at www.radio-maria.net under “specials” to see the entire menu. It is by reservation only, so call early and claim your seat at 398-7729. Radio Maria Five-course dinner by reservation only: 398-7729 $55 per person, plus tax and gratuity

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party in chicago If you are looking for a more trendy, but laid-back atmosphere and are in the Chicago area, you might consider spending the night at L8, a sophisticated late-night restaurant that serves tasty Italian treats in the River North area. Tickets for the evening are $100 at the door, but you are promised a trendy and upscale start to 2005, with a touch of Italian spice. Call (312) 2660616 for more information. L8 222 W. Ontario St. Chicago $100 (312) 266-0616

A more easy-going night for the big bash will take you to The Piece’s Anti-Black Tie New Year’s Eve Party. Located in Wicker Park, The Piece has planned an event that’s deliberately casual— and affordable. For $60, partygoers get all the thin-crust pizza, salad, dessert and bottomless pints of beer and wine they can stomach. Take a break from the food by dancing to DJ Joan Jett Black, who will be spinning throughout the night. Call (773) 772-4422 for more information about The Piece. The Piece Anti-Black Tie New Year’s Eve Party 1927 W. North Ave. Chicago $60 (773) 772-4422

Lion Head Pub and The Apartment, across from the DePaul campus in Lincoln Park, is also busy scheduling a New Year’s Eve party. Ringin’ in ‘05 includes a buffet from 8-10 p.m. and an open bar from 8-11 p.m. $60 will get you food and drinks, while a $75 ticket includes the bar, reserved seating and access to both bedroom hangouts. Otherwise, you can get in for $25, but space is limited. Predicted to be Lincoln Park’s “biggest and boldest” New Year’s Eve party, the dancing and raucous event is sure to draw a crowd. Call (773) 3485100 for more information. Lion Head Pub and The Apartment’s Ringin’ in ‘05 2251 N. Lincoln Ave. Chicago $25-$75 (773) 348-5100

Chicago punk legends will help ring in the new year at New Year’s Evil 2004 at Exit in Chicago. $60 will get you this rare live performance, along with the spinning of DJ Jeff Moyer and a 2005 VIP card. The bar will be open from 9 p.m. to 1 a.m. and dancing will continue until 4 a.m. You can purchase your tickets for this party online or by calling (773) 395-2700. New Year’s Evil 2004 at Exit 1315 W. North Ave. Chicago $60 (773) 395-2700

Moda, also in Chicago, features a top-shelf open bar until 1 a.m., plus DJs spinning hip hop, house and retro ‘80s. A $115 ticket will get you all the alcohol necessary for ringing in the new year, and also a midnight champagne toast, appetizers and an enormous dance floor. Tickets also will get you into two different parties starting at 1:30 a.m. for free! Call Moda at (312) 670-2200 for more information about the after-parties.

Another bash in Lincoln Park will be the Blu Year’s Eve party at Blu. For $60, you can ring in the new year alongside a young crowd, an open bar, a champagne toast at midnight and two DJs. You can’t go wrong spending the last night of the year on a dance floor that looks like it’s straight out of Saturday Night Fever with its changing color blocks. Buy tickets at (773) 549-5884.

Moda 25 W. Hubbard St. Chicago $115 (312) 670-2200

Blu Year’s Eve 2247 N. Lincoln Ave. Chicago $60 (773) 549-5884


6 • buzz weekly

WHO WILL YOU BE SMOOCHIN’ THIS YEAR?

New year’s eve‘04 Last night of the year, and everyone hurries around figuring out what one another is doing. Champaign? Urbana? Chicago? Too many choices! Here are some highlights of local happenings on the eve of a brand new year.

The Canopy Club will be the site of the local Led Zeppelin tribute band Zoso, with Pariah also on the bill. One of the best ways to start off a new year is to party to one of the best times in our past. For $25 a person or $40 for a couple, the bar is open with domestic draft beer and mixed drinks. Papa John’s pizza, wings and cheese bread will also be on hand for a bite to eat. This event will have everything for a good party—food, music and a countdown! Canopy Club Zoso (Led Zeppelin tribute band), Pariah Open bar with domestic draft beer and mixed well drinks All-you-can-eat food from Papa John’s, featuring pizza, wings and cheese bread $25 per person or $40 per couple http://www.zosoontour.com/

The Iron Post in Urbana is also hosting its own party. Locally renowned band The Noisy Gators will play. This high energy band with their danceable beats and cajun sound play the perfect music for a funfilled night. Cover is only $5 for this show and the venue will offer champagne at midnight. Show starts at 9 p.m.! Iron Post The Noisy Gators Party favors and champagne at midnight $5, 9pm-1am http://www.noisygators.com/

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buzz weekly •

WATCH OUT FOR THE ARTISTS.

ARTISTS

TO WATCH FOR IN 2005 KATIE RICHARDSON • ARTS EDITOR

PHIL STRANG - PAINTER

Phil’s artwork is both original and imaginative. He is also a strong community voice, having once owned Record Service and now writing a weekly column for The Hub. Just recently, he returned to the now-empty building where he once sold music for a one-man showing of his artistic works. His vitality and kindness are truly impressive, and these qualities manifest themselves in strong images and colors that litter his work.

DEBORAH FELL - QUILTER

Deb Fell is an artist who has been nationally and internationally renowned for her artistic abilities. Her quilts, though, are not fashioned in the same way the ones your mother made were; in fact, even Andy Warhol would be impressed by their cutting aesthetics.These quilts reflect Deb’s strength as both a mother and an artist; one senses while looking at them that they have been made by someone who is truly unafraid of taking risks while relishing in challenges.

DERRICK HOLLEY PAINTER

His paintings adorn many walls in downtown Champaign, and the quality of his work speaks for itself. It is both larger than life and realistic, drawing the viewer into a world that is both inviting and forbidden. It is always a pleasure to be asked inside, though.

REBECCA PLUMMER VISUAL ART

Rebecca Plummer stops you in your tacks with not only her incredible artwork, but with her deeply profound ideas about art and how it affects society. She is one of the most well-spoken, complex and poetic visual artists that I’ve come across in ChampaignUrbana.

HUA NIAN ABSTRACT ART

Hua Nian came to this country with the dream of becoming an artist, and she has certainly accomplished that goal. Specializing in abstract art, Nian expresses herself with a unique voice that is truly breathtaking and awe-inspiring.

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24 • b u z z w e e k l y

NO MORE NEON LIGHTS AND BAT NIPPLES! YES!

MOVIES

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JA N . 5, 2OO5

shaDEs of GrAy MOVIE NEWS BY SHADIE ELNASHAI

TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN 2005 PAUL PRIKAZSKY • STAFF WRITER

BATMAN BEGINS

The last two Batman films were reprehensible disasters. Now the series is set for resurgence with the help of director Christopher Nolan (Memento) and Christian Bale (American Psycho) as the eponymous Dark Knight. As the title denotes, the story deals with Bruce Wayne’s traumatic childhood and how he came to wear the pointy ears and rid Gotham City of crime and corruption.

In the latest in a series of unfortunate events, Jim Carrey had to flee a London hotel after a fire broke out. “No one rescued me, no one came. I had to find my own way out,” moaned the resourceful rubber-faced comic. Firefighters were either busy saving Matt Damon and George Clooney (also in the building) or hinting to the freshly-off-Prozac comedian exactly what they thought of Batman Forever and Bruce Almighty. Incidentally Damon and Clooney were tragically unharmed. It seems that Kevin Costner may have kidnapped and adopted a baby about 20 years ago—about the time he’d have been filming Sizzle Beach, U.S.A. Romana Medina claims that when her daughter was taken from her, the Dragonfly star took the child, and had her name illegally changed. Medina’s claims are somewhat flimsy: she is fuzzy on details as she suffers from blackouts and has gaps in her memory. Costner, despite being thrilled at a woman’s admittance to befriending him, made no comment, but did slap Medina with a restraining order.

CHARLIE & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

Director Tim Burton breathes his fantastical vision into Roald Dahl’s classic tale of the benevolent candy man (Johnny Depp) who gives seven lucky children the chance to tour his wondrous chocolate factory. This adaptation will stick closely to the source material, and Burton’s quirky imagery imbued with the charismatic Depp will make for surefire entertainment.

WAR OF THE WORLDS

The most expensive movie ever made is likely to cause doubt and speculation. But with Tom Cruise starring and Steven Spielberg at the helm of the adaptation of H.G.Wells’ sci-fi classic, you can be sure to expect a pyrotechnic phenomenon. And when Earth is invaded by the nefarious Martians, who else would you turn to? Why,Tom Cruise, naturally. Let’s just hope Maverick makes a comeback here.

Anti-contraceptive campaigner Mel Gibson, next to be seen in Mad Max: Fury Road, has found a worthy cause for the spoils from that Jesus flick: he has spent $15 million on a Pacific island called Mago. “He wants to keep it as an exclusive getaway for family and friends,” says an insider. Satellite images may confirm whether this means a retreat for a religious cult. As a testament to his Christian compassion, Gibson will have to evict 40 residents from the island ... mostly farmers and their families.

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v i e w s COMPILED BY SARAH KROHN

Blade: Trinity Josh Hoffman

BEWITCHED

Instead of following the stereotypical adaptation of TV show to film, Bewitched is the story of narcissistic actor Jack Wyatt (Will Ferrell), starring as Darrin Stephens in the Bewitched movie. He spots attractive actress Isabel Bigelow (Nicole Kidman) and decides she would be perfect as Samantha Stephens. Isabel just so happens to be a real witch.This should be an amusing, albeit kitschy romantic comedy.

Crystal Lake, Ill.

HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE

The fourth installment of the series with the beloved boy wizard places him in the thick of the Tri-Wizard tournament and in the throes of adolescence. Director Mike Newell (Four Weddings and a Funeral) takes over the franchise reins when Harry (Daniel Radcliffe) finally meets his arch-nemesis, Lord Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes). This dramatic c o n f ro n t a t i o n alone will be worth the price of the ticket.

“Good killing of the vampires.”

Brian Mellen

Seattle, Wash. “It was what I expected.”

Jason Seaman

Mahomet, Ill. “I liked the action.”

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n e w s n o t

j u s t

y o u r e v e r y d a y n e w s but hell, we’re weekly

mendoza life line

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thur

An hour of independent and underground music. Host: Liz Mozzocco

fri

sponsored by The Highdive

Across The Pond 9pm -10pm Music from the UK. Host: Chris Faron Beats and Rhymes 10pm - 12am Underground and independent hip hop.

sun

sat

Radioactivity

9pm- Sunday 1am Four hours of electronic music to get the party started Hosts: Brendan Clark, Matt Freer and Darin Epsilon Inner Limits 9pm - 10pm Local and sometimes live.

sponsored by CV Lloyd’s & Mike & Molly’s

Radio Zero 10pm - 11pm Music talk and crit. Hosts: Rick Valentin and Rose Marshack of Poster Children sponsored by Parasol Records & That’s Rentertainment

mon

Delusion and Dischord

9pm - 10pm This show puts a spotlight on hardcore -- Prepare to scream along. Host: Dan Maloney

tues

sponsored by Altered Egos

Shrink Wrap 9pm - 10pm WPGU features new music, just as soon as we get the shrink wrap off. Host: Chris Faron

wed

Jambana Radio

9pm - 10pm An hour of jam band on WPGU Hosts: Brian Heisler and Adam Lied

very distinguishable difference between the transient and the resident in a town like this. They say that if you move to NYC and stay there for more than ten years, then you are officially a New Yorker. It’s kind of the same thing here except we are a bit more lenient with the amount of time it takes for you to be christened, so to speak. Here, if you stay for winter or summer break welcome to the club. It’s that simple. Which brings me to my point. Students seem to be a bit retarded when it comes to going to live music shows in Urbana-Champaign. I don’t know what it is really. It could be that the idea of a live music venue just doesn’t make sense to the kids from the suburbs. Or perhaps the venues down here “just don’t compare� to the ones in the windy city. Whatever it is, as a promoter, I can tell you that students, real students, don’t really come out to shows very much. It’s the townies and honoraries that do it. So, on a quick note, a small shout out and thank you to all those who attended any live show this year. Your participation not only helped the community and it’s cultural element, it helped pay for my bills and my DVD of The OC. (Yes, I admit it - I love the shit out of that night time soap!) And there were many great shows this year. Far more great shows than albums anyway. So, I would like to reflect on the 7 best that I saw in town this year. Some of them were grossly under attended. But that is no surprise - the live music loving audience are generally of college aged kids. Enjoy! 7. The Brian Jonestown Massacre - January, 22 2004 @ Nargile - Antom Newcombe is insane. It’s now been documented in this years surprise hit documentary “DIG!�, but for those of us in attendance that night, we got to see it live. He screamed at his band throughout the entire set, drank more than a FIFTH of whiskey and puked in the bathroom, and then, came out and ordered a double. The show itself was pretty damn good considering and it was at a time when people still had high hopes and good things to say about Nargile. 6. Headlights(acoustic) - July 22, 2004 @ Paradiso - I forced my former guitarist/singer onto the stage to help the draw for a show with Via Satellite (members of The Album Leaf). Along with my sister, the two of them stripped down the songs we had been rehearsing as rock songs and turned them into tearful, country-tinged ballads that had everyone stunned. The quietude of Tristan Wraight’s vocals along with Erin Fein’s whispery harmonies woven perfectly with Bud Carroll’s (American Minor) pedal steel made this performance one of my favorite of not just this year, but on a personal level, for all time. 5. Bonnie ‘Prince Billy with Johanna Newsom @ April 17, 2004 - On the final packed night that Nargile ever had, a young woman brought her harp onto stage to open up for Will Oldham and ended

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up turning the place dead silent with intense listening and full-on appreciation. Johanna Newsom’s strange voice and incredible skills on the harp made it hard for anyone to take even a breath on this warm spring night. Oldham performed wonderfully as well, although the show was stolen before he had a chance to take the stage. Although his antics were less insane since the last time he came to Champaign, his voice was just as sweet. Also, his drummer goes to grad school here, so perhaps we will be treated to a return sooner than later. 4. The Blackouts - October 22, 2004 - The Void - Where is The Void? Who knows. But I was there and The Blackouts introduced their new bassist in typical Blackouts fashion. Drunk as a fiddler’s bitch, Steve Ucherek and Co. plowed through 14 songs songs of sloppiness and power to deliver one of the ultimate performances of the year. Everyone agreed - The Blackouts were back and came out swinging. 3. Guided By Voices - June 17, 2004 @ The Highdive - Bob Pollard and Co. are finishing out over 15 years of indie rock this year at Metro. They announced their final tours in May and Captain Ward Gollings was dialed in enough to be able to land one of the great bands of all time on their last stretch. They drank in typical GBV fashion - more than the rest of us and plowed through 2 1/2 hours of non-stop rock as the packed house laughed, danced and wiped some tears from their eyes as CU said goodbye to one of the greats. 2. The Arcade Fire - November 21, 2004 @ The Highdive - This show was moved last minute from Paradiso to accommodate the ridiculous amount of people who bought tickets in the two days before the show. No doubt about it, The Arcade Fire was the Buzz band of late 2004 and they proved their worth at this show. All the members played each other’s instruments, and they all sang and most everyone in the crowd was floored.Let me say this: When the owner of a nightclub is throwing his hands up and yelling for a band, you know that you’ve got something special on your hands. And that is exactly what happened on this particular night. 1. Jason Finkelman’s Nu-Orbit Ensemble meets The Ear Doctor - October 31st, 2004 @ Paradiso No two ways about it. Jason Finkelman and Chadd Dunn are the best percussionists we have in this town. I hear Rocky Moffit is great two but I’ve never seen him. Add Tom Paynter, CU’s very best multi-instrumentalist, from Ear Doctor and you’ve got yourself the most impressive and breath-taking performance of the year. Saddest part? Only about 15 people were there to witness. Not even enough to pay them. But it didn’t seem to matter them too much. They pulled out all the stops and when it was Mingus on acid, it was Macha on speed. Never have I felt so stoned without coming even close to a bong. I can still hear it all in my head.

MATT PAIS • LEAD REVIEWER

The word “Spanglish�

Seth Fein is from Urbana. He can be reached @ sethfein@readbuzz.com

S H !t S

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a Nd G i g g L E s

An informed and opinionated look at this week’s events

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COMPILED BY LOGAN MOORE

The Polish government has announced that Poland will cut its troop levels in Iraq from 2,500 to 1,700. Now one supposes it will be much, much easier to “forget Poland.� While Cuba conducted its biggest military exercise in over 20 years as a warning to the United States, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez visited the country and announced a new free trade bloc that would challenge the Free Trade Area of the Americas. We’re still picking fights with Cuba? Who the hell gives a shit? Cuba hasn’t been involved in a military conflict since people were impressed with That Girl being shot in color. The same week that the latest test of the “Star Wars� missile defense system failed, Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin said the country will not help fund the system or allow the United States to station rockets for the system inside Canada. Once again, our military dominance of space is thwarted by a people who habitually drink milk from a bag. A new Illinois State Police directive prohibiting employees from talking to news reporters is being called a “gag order� by its critics. The order is meant to enforce existing confidentiality rules, following a WLS-TV story on alleged misconduct by state troopers who guard Gov. Blagojevich. For God’s sake, what if the actions of the police force were held accountable by the public? It would be Chaos. Chaos! Iraqi Defense Minister Hazem Shaalann claimed recently that Iranian and Syrian intelligence agents are aiding the Iraqi resistance. Somebody better get Toby Keith on the line, we’re going to be needing a few more asinine war anthems. The same week that retiring Georgia Senator and sole Democratic speaker at the Republican National Convention Zell Miller announced he will be a commentator for FOX news, the senator was tapped by the American Conservative Union to present a Courage Under Fire award to the Swift Boat Veterans. This is how Democrats behave south of the Mason-Dixon line, which in essence means there are no Democrats in the south, which explains all the redness on Election Day.

buzz weekly •

ADAM SANDLER—WHY? WHY DID YOU MAKE LITTLE NICKY?

as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses. - Victor Hugo

Top 7 Live Shows in Urbana-Champaign To me, like most townies, there is an indefinable yet

•

SPANGLISH

I DON'T MIND WHAT CONGRESS DOES,

two on two out

SETH FEIN • STAFF WRITER

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is nonsense, foolishly combining a beautiful foreign language and the slop that currently passes for the English tongue.Yet the irony is that “Spanglish� is an English expression, so the synthesized word is actually a subtle endorsement of one culture over another. Written and directed by James L. Brooks (As Good As It Gets), Spanglish has the same underlying attitude and is also complete baloney. It wants to use an innocent, stunningly attractive Mexican housekeeper named Flor (Paz Vega) as proof that sometimes strangers to the English language can speak it with more purpose, precision and emotion than the natives. But this choppy, unfunny film does far more to support the notion of foreigners as outsiders to learn from than it does to accept them and their culture as a part of American society. Flor works for John Clasky (Adam Sandler), a nationally-renowned chef too nice for his own good, and his wife, Deborah (Tea Leoni), an irritating wench who doesn’t realize quite how obnoxious she is. You might think that Spanglish would be presented as the Claskys’ story, about how hiring a nonEnglish-speaking bombshell saved their marriage and helped their kids (Sarah Steele and Ian Hyland).Yet the hypocrisy of the film is that though that is the crux of the narrative,

Brooks structures it around Flor, even letting her daughter Cristina (Shelbie Bruce) do the narration under the guise of a college application essay about “the most influential person in my life.â€? The movie gets by for a short while on the charm of fine performances by Sandler and Leoni, who somehow manages to save overbearing Deborah, Spanglish’s moral whipping boy, from the depths of hateful cinematic wives. And Vega, whose role demands SPANGLISH • ADAM SANDLER fiery yet wholesome Latina sexiaround her is a flat-out lie; when all is said ness, delivers mounds of heat and heart. Unfortunately, Spanglish doesn’t have a and done, Flor winds up unchanged and message that can’t be totally picked apart looking for work, left only with her own by its own contradictions until the movie sense of integrity. Spanglish includes one of the strangest, ends up looking like a half-eaten burrito. Parents endorse individuality while com- most uncomfortable sex scenes to ever grace pletely controlling their kids, and the a PG-13 film, and it’s no small feat that a story praises acceptance over assimilation movie centered on an unlikable, unglamwhile still forcing Flor to learn English orous, unfaithful Caucasian woman and a just so her employers can understand her gorgeous, good-hearted Mexican woman (They never try to learn Spanish). And can still come out on the side of whiteness. Flor refuses to let Cristina accept charity Among the stereotypes it endorses are: or scholarship money, yet the film is built Latinos need money and old people can’t around her daughter’s desire for admis- drive, and that’s just for starters. It manages to romanticize infidelity and sion—via scholarships—to college. At one point, Cristina’s narration gushes gloss over the edges of marital strife while over the view from the oceanfront house that still attempting to present love and chilthe Claskys rent for the summer, calling it dren as the path to long-term bliss. This is “natural beauty, privately owned.â€? Essentially, a male fantasy gone awry, set up as a husthat is how Brooks uses Flor, and as she tries band’s most tempting daydream and finto hold onto her cultural identity, Spanglish ished off with the spite of an unhappy, never accepts or respects her struggle. She’s undeserving wife. The film does not just a beautiful new addition to the Claskys, respect women or minorities, and unfortuwho stays for awhile, shakes things up and nately for Spanglish, the English language departs. In that sense, organizing the story does have words for such sentiment.

LEMONY SNICKET’S

A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS RANDY MA • STAFF WRITER

A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS • JIM CARREY

U pon entering the theater, one knows not what to expect from Lemony Snicket’s

book instead of making it “kid friendly.� As a direct result, the dangers become real and the stakes are raised for the audience to root even more for the Bauldelaire children. The script itself is impeccable. A Series of Unfortunate Events follows the structure of the books in that it is episodic.The children are shipped to each relative down the bloodline as they try to escape the custody of Count Olaf, who is trying to get rid of the children and steal the Bauldelaire fortune. But what is great is that screenwriter Robert Gordon has incorporated Handler’s wonderful love for language into the film. The narration and the characters all speak with brilliant wordplay and sapient words. Jim Carrey is wonderful as the failed actor Count Olaf. In the sea of great cast members in this film, Carrey steals every bit of screen time,not because he is an egotistical actor who loves the camera, but because he is required to. Count Olaf is a larger-than-life villain who

account of the tragedy inflicted on the Bauldelaire children. After a mysterious fire, they are left without a home and without parents.They are alone, and like all orphans, are placed in the care of their closest relative. By close, this is not by bloodline, but geographical distance. Regrettably, that relative is Count Olaf, who lives only a few blocks away. But in this theater, contrary to this bleak plotline, Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events is quite a fortunate film. This is a wondrous holiday movie that fully realizes its atmosphere, story and characters. Set in what seems to be a pseudoVictorian Age, the world is bursting with magic and despair. Surprisingly, unfortunate events are indeed quite unfortunate as the filmmakers favorably decided to follow author Daniel Handler’s dreary children’s

plays eccentric characters that represent awful foundations for acting. But it is ultimately the three Bauldelaire children, Violet, Klauss and Sunny, who steal the show. They are the voices of reason in a universe filled with demented and incompetent adults. However, one terrible event after another causes the movie to become a trial on the children and the audience. The viewers just want some good luck to come to the kids and at least allow them some kind of happiness in their dreary lives. A Series of Unfortunate Events soon becomes more depressing than funny. It’s actually quite humorous that a children’s movie is, if anything, more depressing than entertaining. But still, the movie does not find a balanced medium between the two. In the end, happiness doesn’t find the film, the film searches for happiness. It is by fate that the children reach the conclusion the movie takes. Though they don’t exactly find peace, they do find some good in this world.This is a story about a sister, a brother and a baby sister, and how they find joy and contentment with each other in a world that can seem unfair and harsh to the ones most innocent and fragile. There are roughly 11 books in Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events, and with a few fortunate box office numbers there will hopefully be a few sequels to come in the future.

MEET THE FOCKERS (PG–13) Fri. 1:20 2:00 4:00 4:40 Sat. 4:00 4:40 7:00 7:30 9:30 10:00 12:00 Sun. - Thu. 1:20 2:00 4:00 4:40 7:00 7:30 9:30 10:00 LEMONY SNICKET (PG) (2 SCREENS) Fri. 1:30 2:00 4:30 5:00 Sat. 4:30 5:00 7:10 7:40 9:30 10:00 12:00 Sun. - Thu. 1:30 2:00 4:30 5:00 7:10 7:40 9:30 10:00 ◆ SPANGLISH (PG–13) Fri. 1:00 4:00 Sat. 4:00 7:00 9:45 12:20 Sun. - Thu. 1:00 4:00 7:00 9:45 FLIGHT OF PHOENIX (PG–13) Fri. 1:00 4:00 Sat. 7:00 9:30 11:50 Sun. - Thu. 7:00 9:30 NEVERLAND (PG) Fri. 1:10 3:20 5:30 Sat. 5:30 7:40 10:00 12:10 Sun. - Thu. 1:10 3:20 5:30 7:40 10:00 OCEAN'S TWELVE (PG–13) (2 SCREENS) Fri. 1:30 2:00 4:30 5:00 Sat. 4:30 7:30 10:00 Sun. - Thu. 1:30 4:30 7:30 10:00 CLOSER (R) Fri. 1:10 3:20 5:30 Sat. 5:30 7:40 10:00 12:15 Sun. - Thu. 1:10 3:20 5:30 7:40 10:00 BLADE: TRINITY (R) Fri. 1:10 4:30 Sat. 5:00 7:30 10:00 Sun. - Thu. 7:10 9:40 (2 SCREENS)

COLUMBIA PICTURES

this week on

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GOTTA SINK TO SWIM.

buzz weekly

PARAMOUNT PICTURES

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Spanglish includes on e of the strangest, most uncomfortable sex scenes ever to grace a PG-13 film.

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CHRISTMAS W. KRANKS (PG) (2 SCREENS) Fri. 1:05 1:30 3:10 4:30 5:20 Sat. 5:20 7:30 9:40 11:50 Sun. - Thu. 1:05 3:10 5:20 7:30 9:40 NATIONAL TREASURE (PG) Fri. 1:45 4:25 Sat. 4:25 7:10 9:45 Sun. - Thu. 1:45 4:25 7:10 9:45 THE INCREDIBLES (PG) Fri. 1:30 4:30 Sat. 4:30 Sun. - Thu. 2:00 4:30 POLAR EXPRESS (G) (2 SCREENS) Fri. 1:20 2:00 4:30 5:00 Sat. 4:30 7:15 9:30 Sun. - Thu. 2:00 4:30 7:15 9:30 KINSEY (R) Fri. 1:00 4:10 Sat. 4:10 7:20 9:50 Sun. - Thu. 1:00 4:10 7:20 9:50 FAT ALBERT (PG) Sat. 5:00 7:00 9:00 11:00 Sun. - Thu. 1:00 3:00 5:00 7:00 9:00 LIFE AQUATIC (R) Sat. 4:30 7:10 9:40 12:10 Sun. - Thu. 2:00 4:30 7:10 9:40 DARKNESS (PG–13) Sat. 5:20 7:20 9:30 11:40 Sun. - Thu. 1:20 3:20 5:20 7:20 9:30 THE AVIATOR (PG–13) Sat. 4:30 7:50 11:30 Sun. - Thu. 1:00 4:30 7:50 SPONGEBOB (PG) Sun. Thu. 1:10 3:10 Showtimes for 12/24 thru 12/30

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DE C . 23 26 • b u z z w e e k l y PHONE: 217/337-8337 DEADLINE: 2 p.m. Tuesday for the next Thursday’s edition.

APARTMENTS

410

Furnished/Unfurnished aaa One and Two Bedrooms “Great Rates!!” Jan 1 2005. Go to CU-LIVING.com for details or inquire at info@cu-living.com

INDEX Employment Services Merchandise Transportation Apartments Other Housing/Rent Real Estate for Sale Things To Do Announcements Personals

000 100 200 300 400 500 600 700 800 900

• PLEASE CHECK YOUR AD! Report errors immediately by calling 337-8337. We cannot be responsible for more than one day’s incorrect insertion if you do not notify us of the error by 2 pm on the day of the first insertion. • All advertising is subject to the approval of the publisher. The Daily Illini shall have the right to revise, reject or cancel, in whole or in part, any advertisement, at any time. • All employment advertising in this newspaper is subject to the City of Champaign Human Rights Ordinance and similar state and local laws, making it illegal for any person to cause to be published any advertisement which expresses limitation, specification or discrimination as to race, color, mental handicap, personal appearance, sexual orientation, family responsibilities, political affiliation, prior arrest or conviction record, source of income, or the fact that such person is a student. • Specification in employment classifications are made only where such factors are bonafide occupational qualifications necessary for employment. • All real estate advertising in this newspaper is subject to the Federal Fair Housing Act of 1968, and similar state and local laws which make it illegal for any person to cause to be published any advertisement relating to the transfer, sale, rental, or lease of any housing which expresses limitation, specifications or discrimination as to race, color, creed, class, national origin, religion, sex, age, marital status, physical or mental handicap, personal appearance, sexual oientation, family responsibilities, political affiliation, or the fact that such person is a student. • This newspaper will not knowingly accept any advertising for real estate that is in violation of the law. Our readers are informed that all dwellings advertised in this newspaper are available on an equal oppportunity basis.

DEADLINE:

2 p.m. Monday for the next Thursday’s edition.

RATES: Billed rate: 35¢/word Paid-in-Advance: 28¢/word Photo Sellers 30 words or less + photo: $5 per issue Garage Sales 30 words in both Thursday’s buzz and Friday’s Daily Illini!! $10. If it rains, your next date is free. Action Ads • 20 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $14 • 10 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $7 • add a photo to an action ad, $10

DE C . 23

WHAT’D YOU GET FOR CHRISTMAS? I CAN’T TELL YOU, THAT’S CLASSIFIED INFORMATION.

Transportation 300

410

APARTMENTS

Available Now. 2 bedroom on campus. $550 per month. 367-6626.

420

APARTMENTS

310

www.lookatusedcars.com

Apartments

400

Available Jan 05 1 bedroom $385, 2 bedroom $590, Campus. 367-6626

1 bedroom lofts $497 2 bedrooms $545 3 bedrooms $650 4 bedrooms $1000 Campus, parking. Fall 04, 367-6626 111One and Two Bedrooms “Great Rates!!” Jan 1 2005. Go to CU-LIVING.com for details or inquire at info@cu-living.com

BEST VALUE 1 BR. loft from $480. 1 Br. $370 2 BR. $470 3 BR. $750 4 BR $755 Campus. 367-6626. zzz One and Two Bedrooms “Great Rates!!” Jan 1 2005. Go to CU-LIVING.com for details or inquire at info@cu-living.com

AVAILABLE FOR FALL 2005

Furnished

1005 S. SECOND, C Efficiencies. Fall 2005. Secured building. Private parking. Laundry on site, ethernet available. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

111 E. CHALMERS, C. August 2005. 1 bedroom. Furniture, skylights, off-street parking, laundry. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

1006 S. 3RD, C. Aug 2005. 1 bedrooms. Location, location. Covered parking & laundry, furnished & patios, ethernet available. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

111 E. Healey, Champaign Now leasing for Fall 2005. Extra Large 1 BD and Efficiencies. Starting at $375/mo. Off-street parking, security building, & 5 floor plans to choose from. JTS Properties 3284284.

105 E. John Available Fall 2005. 1 bedroom furnished, great location. Includes parking. www.ugroup96.com 352-3182 106 E. DANIEL, C. 1 Bedroom $350 2 Bedroom $735 Phone 352-3182 Office at 309 S. First The University Group www.wgroup96.com

56/58 E. Healey, C F 1BR. $390-$425 Corner of Healey and First. Rent includes heat, sewer and hauling. Parking $35.00 per month. Security locked building. On site laundry. 106 E. John, C UF 1BR. $540-$575 Rent includes heat, water, sewer and hauling. Large units with hardwood floors. Parking $35-$50 per month. On site laundry. 202 E. White, C Large 2, 3, and 4 BR furnished apts. On bus line at corner of 2nd and White. Many with fireplaces, balconies, and/or patios. Gated courtyard and on-site laundry. Rents are $600-$850. 512 E. Clark, C F EFF. $345-$365 Rent includes water. Large efficiency units with double closets at corner of Clark and Sixth. Parking $40.00 per month. 602 E. Clark, C. F EFF. $315-$325 Rent includes water. Each unit has patio/balcony area. One heritageBolck from Beckman. Parking $40.00 per month.

420

Furnished

Furnished/Unfurnished

AUTOMOBILES

APARTMENTS

1107 S. 4TH AND GREGORY, C. For August 2005. 3 and 4 bedroom apartments and 2 baths. Best location. Completely furnished. Laundry, parking garage, elevator. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

808 W. Nevada, U water, and parking.

Large 1 bedroom, UF unit with hardwood floors and balcony. $550 including heat,

807/809 W. Illinois, U F 1BR. $495-$560 Large units at corner of Illinois and Lincoln. Rent includes water and hauling. On site laundry. Parking $40.00 per month. 2 blocks from Krannert, 3.5 blocks from Quad. 1009 W. Main, U F 1 and 2 BR. $475-$630. Rent includes water and hauling. Most units have balcony. Many units have remodeled kitchens with dishwashers. On site laundry. Parking $40.00.

HERITAGE PROPERTY MANAGEMENT, INC. 1206 S. RANDOLPH SUITE B, CHAMPAIGN • 351-1803

WESTGATE

207- 211 JOHN Fall 2005 Prime Campus Location 2, 3, & 4 Bedrooms Phone 352-3182 THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

307 & 310 E. White 307 & 309 Clark

Fall 2005. Large studio, double closet, well furnished. Available January. www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

503, 505, 508 E. White 2 Bedroom $700 3 Bedroom $750 & up Lots of Parking www.ugroup96.com 352-3182 493-0429

359-5330 359-5330

Hours: M-F 9-5 Sat 9-1 • www.westgateapts.net

NOW LEASING FOR JANUARY & AUGUST! • Individual Leases w/Roommate Matching Service • Free cable w/HBO, parking, trash & Ethernet • 24 Hour Amenities • On 13 Silver Busline • 1, 2, 3 & 4 Bedroom Apartments

LIMITED NUMBER OF FALL '05 SEMESTER LEASES AVAILABLE Take a Virtual Tour! www.universitycommons.com Hours: Mon-Fri 9am-6pm Saturday 10am-4pm

337-1800

APARTMENTS

• Clean 1 & 2 Bedrooms • Superior • Dependable, 24hr. management NOW LEASING maintenance • Short-term Leases FOR FALL • Free Parking • 24 Hour Courtesy • On Busline Gate House

$0 DEPOSIT

JA N . 5,

JA N . 5, 2OO5

SEXY IS ALWAYS GOOD ... SEX ISN’T.

buzz weekly •

APARTMENTS

420

Furnished

711 W. Main, U F EFF. $425-$440 Rent includes parking and hauling. Large efficiency units at corner of Main and Busey with gas fireplace, dishwasher and microwave. Each unit has patio/balcony. On site laundry. 808 W. Nevada, U Newly remodeled, UF, 3 BR with sunroom in house. New Kitchen, refinished hardwood floors, laundry room. $1500 including heat, water, and parking.

2OO5

MJM/Chateau Apartments 403 E. White, Ch. - $540/mo. 302 S. Fourth, Ch. - $540/mo. •Large 2 Bedroom All Units: •Carpet, A/C, Appliances •Cable & Internet Ready •Parking Available •On-Site Laundry

Ask Tenant Union about us 390-2377 506 E. Stoughton, C For August 2005. Extra large efficiency apartments. Security building entry, complete furniture, laundry, off-street parking, ethernet available. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, Champaign. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

509 E. White, C. Aug. 2005. Large 1 bedrooms. Security entry, balconies, patios, furnished. Laundry, off-street parking, ethernet available. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 604 E. White, C. Security Entrance For Fall 2005, Large 1 bedroom, 2 bedroom loft (HUGE), furnished, balconies, patios, laundry, off-street parking, ethernet available. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

Locust III Apts 906-908 S. Locust St.

Spacious efficiencies and 1,3 & 4 bedroom apts. Some units paid heat/water 1 SPRING LEASE AVAILABLE

367-2009

Shlens Apartments August 2005 904 W. Stoughton 2 BDRMS $780 Cable TV, Dishwasher, Laundry, Covered Parking Available, Computer Desk, Ice Maker Self Cleaning Oven & Internet Available Phone 344-2901 cshlens@aol.com 10AM - 9PM Monday - Sunday

Buzz returns Thursday, January 6. Have a fab New Year!

nEwS

oF thE

wEiRd

chuck shepherd LEAD STORY University of Florida professor Thomas DeMarse revealed in December that he has constructed a primitive “brain” (“live computation device”) out of 25,000 rat neurons and has taught it to maneuver an F-22 fighter jet simulation in a straight trajectory. The brain had to be “taught,” he said, because at first, the plane kept crashing. DeMarse said an organic brain is potentially much more flexible than even the highest-tech computer. The National Science Foundation and National Institutes of Health are funding his work, as models for controlling otherwise-risky unmanned aircraft and for developing epilepsy-fighting drugs.

SCENES OF THE SURREAL (1) Following an October worker compensation fine levied against a ranch in Australia’s outback, after a cowboy fell off a horse and hit his head, the losing ranch owner said he would require all his wranglers to wear helmets instead of the classic cowboy hats (and other ranch owners may follow along). (2) In November, the school district in Spurger, Texas, ended its decades-old Homecoming Week reverse-roles day (in which girls dress as boys and vice versa) after one parent complained that the tradition promoted a homosexual lifestyle; in its place, the school urged kids to dress in military camouflage.

AW E S O M E A N I M A L S In Ruthin, Wales, the owners of the bull Picston Shottle said in November that they believe that piped-in Mozart music helped develop his amazing productivity as a stud; his semen is sold out until April, with enough output to create about 500 “doses” a day (at a price of about US$65 a dose). And sheep farmer Barry Walker touted his flock’s production of superfine Australian merino wool at his operation in New South Wales, helped along, he said, by a secret diet of grains and the piped-in music of Italian singer Andrea Bocelli. In November, BBC News previewed an upcoming story for its wildlife TV magazine show Spy in the Woods, derived from film footage from a stationary hidden camera in the Quingling mountains in northwest China. Featured on the show was a panda doing a handstand against a tree, apparently for the purpose of extending the vertical reach of his urine, to more dominantly mark his territory.

COPYRIGHT 2004 Chuck Shepherd Distributed by Universal Press Syndicate

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buzz weekly

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Cover • Meaghan Dee Editor in chief • Marissa Monson Art Directors • Meaghan Dee, Carol Mudra Copy Chief • Erin Green Music • Elisabeth Lim Arts • Katie Richardson Film • Paul Wagner Community • Susie An Calendar • Margo O’Hara Photography Editor • Christine Litas Calendar Coordinators • Cassie Conner, Erin Scottberg Photography • Christine Litas Copy Editors • Jen Hubert Designers • Glenn Cochon, Sue Janna Truscott Contributing Writers • Michael Coulter, Seth Fein, Amanda Kolling, Kiel Christianson Production Manager • Theon Smith Sales Manager • John Maly Marketing/Distribution • Rory Darnay, Louis Reeves III Publisher • Mary Cory

TALK TO BUZZ e-mail:

buzz@readbuzz.com write:

54 E. Green St. Champaign, IL 61820

|1-4|

call:

3

217.337.3801

3

We reserve the right to edit submissions. Buzz will not publish a letter without the verbal consent of the writer prior to publication date.

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|5-8|

Buzz magazine is a student-run publication of Illini Media Company and does not necessarily represent, in whole or in part, the views of the University of Illinois administration, faculty or students.

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| 9 - 12 |

First copy of Buzz is FREE, each additional copy is $.50

10

© Illini Media Company 2004

11 11 12

| 13 - 18 | 14

Learn to Dance

6 weeks $ 58

singles & couples welcome

14 17 18

| 19 - 25 | 20 21 22 23 24 24

Enroll

E BEFOR

H JANe.ce5ivTe $8

and r person! er rds Accepted offCrp edit Ca Classes beginning in January: REGENT Ballroom (Swing & Waltz): Starts Jan. 9, 5-6pm or BALLROOM Jan 11 7:15-8:15pm Salsa: Starts Jan. 6, 7-8pm www.regentballroom.com Argentine Tango: 1401 Regency Dr. Starts Jan. 6, 7:10-8:10pm

359-5333 West Savoy

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| 26 - 28 |

holiday special

INTRO

Slowpoke • Jen Sorenson This Modern World • Tom Tomorrow News of the weird • Chuck Shepherd Mendoza Life Line • Seth Fein Sh!ts and giggles

NIGHT LIFE A guide to New Year’s Eve celebrations around town and in Chicago Weekly calendar

FOOD + WINE Holiday recipes from local chefs • Kiel Christianson Holiday drinks • Amanda Kolling Life in Hell • Matt Groening Free Will Astrology

GIFT GUIDE Simple and creative gifts you can make yourself as well as suggestions for the movie-lovers in your life Sound Ground #57 • Todd J. Hunter Shop C-U for unique gifts • Jenny Crabill Merry ‘Buy Nothing’ Christmas • Tim Peters

PREDICTIONS Music Jonesin’ Crosswords • Matt Gaffney Best reads of 2004 Rising artists Movies Shades of Gray • Shadie Elnashai C-U views • Sarah Krohn Spanglish review • Matt Pais Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events review • Randy Ma

CLASSIFIEDS

JA N . 5, 2OO5

C OV E R

B U Z Z

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under t h e WE’LL SEE YOU IN THE FUTURE!

DE C . 23

JA N . 5, 2OO5

APARTMENTS

420

Furnished

APARTMENTS

420

Furnished 3 bedroom. Near Hessel Park, Champaign. All appliances, central air, garage and basement. On busline. No pets or smoking. Credit check. $825/mo. Negotiable. 4031020.

Studio apartment on Hessel Park near campus, groceries, and business. $320 includes water, parking, and garbage. 384-0612.

Our most desirable location on U of I golf course. 1200 sq. ft, 2 bedroom, 2 bath, fireplace, study, dishwasher, W/D, A/C, carport plus parking, balcony/patio. 359-3687.

705 S. 1st St. Apts. First & Green

Luxury 2, 3 & 4 BRM apts, Balconies, Central A/C, 2 Baths CALL FOR AN APPOINTMENT

367-2009

APARTMENTS

420

Furnished

HEALEY COURT APARTMENTS 307- 309 Healey Court. Fall 2005. Behind Gully’s. 2 bedrooms. Ethernet available. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

605 S. Fifth, C. Fall 2005 5th and Green location Outdoor activity area. 1 bedrooms available. Garage off-street parking. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, Champaign. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

<None> COURTYARD ON RANDOLPH 713 S. Randolph,C. Spacious 3BR avail Jan. 1. $695/mo incl. cable, water, parking & trash. Property has laundry fac. & seasonal pool. Conveniently located near campus & DT Champaign. 352-8540 www.faronproperties.com

JOHN STREET APARTMENTS 58 E. John August 2005. Two and three bedrooms, fully furnished. Dishwashers, center courtyard, on-site laundry, central air, ethernet available. Call Chad at 344-9157 352-3182 University Group www.ugroup96.com OLD TOWN CHAMPAIGN 510 S. Elm Available Fall 2005. 2 BR close to campus, hardwood floors, dishwasher, W/D, central air/heat, off street parking, 24 hr. maintenance. $525/mo. 352-3182 or 841-1996. www.ugroup96.com

SUBLETS

440

505 W. Healey. Newly remodeled 1 BR, close to campus, wood floors, new bathroom. Includes water, sewer and garbage. Off-street parking. Pets OK. $425/mo. Will 217-7219685. 511 W. University,C. 1 Bedroom now available $390mo. Near campus and downtown Champaign. 352-8540 www.faronproperties.com

800 W. CHURCH, C.

Now available, newly remodeled 2 BR. Centrally located near shopping/transportation. Onsite laundry, parking included. $425/mo. 217-352-8540 217-355-4608 pm/wknd www.faronproperties.com

440

Available for 2nd semester - furnished 1 bedroom apts. at 58 E. Healey. $375-$390 heat paid. Call 351-1803

GREAT VALUE

306- 308- 309 White August 2005. 1 & 3 Bedroom furnished apts. Balconies, patios, laundry, dishwashers, off-street parking, ethernet available. 352-3182, 8411996, 309 S. First. The University Group www.ugroup96.com

SUBLETS

Available for 2nd semester - UF 1 bedroom at 106 E. John. $475 heat & water paid. Call 351-1803 Available for 2nd semester - UF 1 bedroom loft at 803 W. Springfield $460 parking included. Call 3511803

Available for 2nd semester- furnished efficiencies at 602 and 512 E. Clark $295.00 - $355.00. Several remodeled units at 602. Call 351-1803 Available Immediately 408 E. Healey Luxury 1 BR apartment furnished with washer/dryer, dishwasher, jacuzzi tub, microwave, balcony, skylights, high-speed internet. $550/mo. OBO. 217-344-5773 Parking Available

Female roommate wanted for Spring ‘05. $500/ month negotiable, utilities included. Workout room, laundry, great view. ASAP. 217-766-2137. Female roommate wanted. Sublease available Jan 2005 to August 2005. 201 E. Armory. Includes parking, on-site laundry, cable/internet access. $300/mo. Jenny 563505-1546.

Look for Christmas Coulter’s comments throughout the issue. He’s got something to say about everything!

HOUSES

510

Cozy Cottage - near Lincoln Square. Campus. Hardwood floors, 5 room, 2 BR. 359-3687

ROOM & BOARD

540

Want community? Homemade vegetarian meals? Affordable private rooms? www.couch.coop

ROOMMATE WANTED 550 1 bedroom, near campus $300 per month 367-6626 Non-smoking male to share 4 bedroom house near busline. Private furnished bedroom, shared bath and kitchen, W/D, off-street parking, gas & electric included. Dep. & ref. required. $300/mo. 503 S. Westlawn, C. 417-6969.

How to stay cool over the holidays

read buzz then RECYCLE

One bedroom, 1.5 bath, patio, fireplace, parking, pool, on busline. Lease through 8/1/05 with option to renew. Newly renovated flash security building. Available Feb 1st or sooner. Call 721-3111.

Other Rentals 500 HOUSES

510

107 W. Pennsylvania - $1450 Renovated 3 bedroom, 1.5 bath. Garage, A/C, W/D, hardwood floors, new appliances. Includes satellite, phone, DSL. Pets ok. On bus line. 714-3150 2 bedroom and 7 bedroom house on campus for Fall 2004. 367-6626. Eight to Nine Bedroom Fall, Campus, $2850 367-6626

JTS PROPERTIES Now leasing for 2005. 101 E Stoughton, C. 3Bdr $1000 25 E. John, C. 4Bdr $1750 27 E. John, C. 3Bdr $900 29 E. John, C. 5Bdr $2000 31 E. John, C. 5Bdr $2200 903 W. Main, U. 5Bdr $1600 910 W. Stoughton, U. 6Bdr $2100 504 S. Broadway, U. 6Bdr $1600 Many more! Call today to make an appointment. JTS Properties 328-4284

Happy Holidays to all from the buzz staff

27

Coulter’s comment

2 BR, basement, appliances, W/D hookup. Close to UI, bus, school. No pets. $750. 351-4029.

One bedroom in two bedroom. Available Spring 2005. 105 E. Chalmers. Furnished, huge room. 630-2223344.

We’ve Got The Houses You Want

Coulter’s comments

buzz weekly •

WHAT’D YOU DO LAST NIGHT? I CAN’T TELL YOU, THAT’S CLASSIFIED INFORMATION.

1. If you’re feeling sentimental in any way, turn off the damned TV. One year I broke down during a freaking Maxwell House coffee commercial with an old lady getting a Christmas tree from her neighbors. I don’t know why it made me sad really. I didn’t even drink coffee back then. 2. Don’t overreact. One year I was home alone with my dad and we started watching that Frosty the Snowman cartoon. Well, Frosty melted and I started crying and Dad didn’t know how to control me until Frosty came back to life. He kept giving me Fudgesicles until I almost threw up. To make it worse, I was so involved with the Fudgesicles I missed Frosty’s rebirth. 3. Don’t wear some festive, colorful dopey tie. For every one person who screams they like it, at least 10 others are quietly thinking you’re a moron. 4. Try to hold onto your ability to form an actual sentence. It might be okay if you open a gift from your great grandma and say simply, “Oh, socks.” But don’t stare at lights and vacantly say, “pretty,” or look at a child dressed as an elf and say, “cute.” I know we’re all tired, but that doesn’t mean you have to be lazy.


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I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. ACTUALLY, NO, NO, I DON’T.

It’s Coming... Champaign-Urbana’s Biggest New Year’s Bash!

NEW YEAR’S 2005 Joe’s Brewery 15th Annual Celebration

706 S. 5th St, Campustown * 384-1790

3

$

25 Double Bacardi’s $ 50 Lite/MGD Bottles $ 00 Jager Bombs

2

3

NO COVER BEFORE 9PM

Complimentary Champagne Toast at Midnight * Free Party Favors

New Years Eve PARTY

Single Malt Scotch • Wine • Irish Whiskeys •

• 75 Beers •

Open Daily 4PM - 2AM

Friday Dec. 31st

Doors Open 7pm

Over 600 Danced in 2004

Bottles

PARTY FOOD MIDNIGHT CHAMPAGNE TOAST DESIGNATED DRIVER PROGRAM FREE RIDES HOME FROM ILLINI TAXI

KAM’S 337-3300

105 N. Market St. Downtown Champaign 355-1236

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Main Market

Bacardi Drinks

PARTY FAVORS

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00

Walnut

1 $ 100 $

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05 12 | 23 | 04 . 01 | 05 | 05 champaign . urbana

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