Buzz Magazine: Dec. 23, 2010 by Buzz Magazine

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WEEKS OF DECEMBER 23 & 30, 2010

Champaign-Urbana’s community magazine FREE

2010

ALL OVER AGAIN BUZZ DIGS UP THE BEST MOMENTS OF THE YEAR PG. 5

A NOD TO NOG

THE LEGACY CONTINUES

‘10’S BEST TUNES

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PARTY LIKE IT’S 2011 10 ON THE217.COM COMMUNITY Check out our “Geeky Gift Guide” online right now! The best part is, you’ll know what to spend your Best Buy gift cards on the day after Christmas!

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT Despite being set in the future, the world of gladiators has returned. However, this time around, it’s children rather than hardened warriors who are doing the ﬁghting. In this week’s “Off the Shelf,” Lauren tackles The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.

MOVIES & TV Ever since I was a boy, I dreamed of being a guido. Jeff Badger’s reviews of Jersey Shore return on Jan. 6.

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buzz

TALK IT OUT

It’s more than just pillow talk

CALENDAR

Your guide to this week’s events

FOOD & DRINK

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buzz takes a look at the upcoming year in theater

MUSIC What?! You don’t want to hear and idolize 16 year-old boys? Bask in “Music Mentalist,” online Wednesday, and feel the comfort of those avoiding Bieber fever.

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What are the holidays for if not for getting trashed?

Massage Therapy, Couples Massage, Hot Stone Massage

Topless Female Dancers

DECEMBER 23, 2010

IN THIS ISSUE

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2nd Floor, 115 W. Main St, Urbana, IL 61801 Above Crane Alley 217.367.9647 www.greenyogaspa.com

VOL8 NO51

With tips, tricks, advice and ideas on what to do in the kitchen, “Amy’s Kitchen Adventures” will be up Saturday.

EDITOR’S NOTE BRAD THORP

There are few things in life as good as a nice, slow morning. Waking up at your own pace, slowly coming back from a great night’s sleep and into reality, is really the only way to do it. This, of course, is most often a rare occurrence. Usually I am waking up late, and have to rush myself awake to get out of the house on time. It is nice to have a break or vacation time to remember that mornings can actually be an enjoyable experience. I am notoriously an unpleasant morning person to begin with. This isn’t to say that I wake up in a bad mood, or am angry fro the first half of the day. No, it just means that I am pretty unaware until I have had adequate time to wake up. This trend started at about age 13, and has continued ever since. It isn’t something I’m proud of. I really envy those people who can get up super early and be productive almost immediately. When I think about the fact that they are up and about, getting things done hours before I am even conscious enough to make a thought, it almost makes me want to try and train my body to get up earlier, even when I don’t have a reason to be awake. Almost. My slow morning routine is simple, coming out of sleep and laying awake in bed for a few minutes before grabbing the computer and checking in on emails and other sites of interest. After this is the music selection. Scanning records or the iPod to see what music seems to fit for the day. Though this can be a daunting task, deciding the soundtrack for the day, it usually is rather obvious. After the music has been chosen, it is on to the coffee maker and my first cup of the day. With my mug of hot, steamy goodness, I am back to the bedroom and my back window to relax, enjoy the music and start waking my mind up with a paper and a crossword puzzle. This is a tried and true routine that has kept me going for many years. I highly recommend it. I have wondered many times if this couldn’t be instituted into every day life, but I think I have concluded that it probably can’t. The best part of a slow morning is knowing that you can take it slow. You don’t have to rush! There are things to be taken care of this day, but for right now, you are safe to relax. That is probably the best thought to wake up to.

the217.com December 23, 2010 - January 5, 2011

LIKES

GRIPES HEADS

Dylan Sutcliff Music Editor

LIKES

» When life doesn’t give me lemons: At first I find it hard to go on, but then hope whispers “Try again.” » Both brown and white gravy: I’m not picky in my gravy as long as I have my gravy boat lighthouse, otherwise I’m likely to crash it into the potatoes. » Receiving the Macarthur Grant: Someday I’ll get it, then my mom will finally stop being so dead and love me again! Nick Martin Community Editor

GRIPES

» Falling in love with a pinkhaired alien: First, she runs me over with her Vespa; now, she’s smashing my face in with a bass guitar. I don’t know what’s the deal with this girl, but I’m about to learn a lot about a shadowy organization of alien supremacy, Oedipal father/brother issues and accepting my own sexual maturity. » The bump on my head that’s actually a giant robot: I try to hide it with a bandage, but everybody knows it’s my lump of shame. I must be a pervert. What other explanation could there be for the inter-dimensional portal inside of my brain that manifests itself through a red, mecha-robot?! At least it’s good at blowing up monsters and functioning as a symbol representing my repressed sexuality. » The man with the bushy eyebrows: Did this guy seriously just send a baseball shaped satellite rocketing at my home town? Seriously! Well, I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ll pull a Flying V guitar out of my skull, wind up, and hit that sonabitch straight into space! Thereby overcoming my fears of women and accepting the fact that all adults — regardless of intelligence, manners or tact — are bound together by their inescapable need to screw one another. I’m going to go make out with the mayor’s daughter now.

UP!

taste the rainbow by Maggie Puniewska Rainbows seem to the quite the popular topic in the media. “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” “Taste the Rainbow,” Rainbow Brite and double rainbows (all the wayyy) engulf public attention faster than Lindsay Lohan gets out of jail. Ah, the joys of American entertainment. Well, if rainbows are your area of interest, check out Rainbow Coffeehouse, hap-

CU Sound off

buzz staff TALK TO BUZZ

On the Web www.the217.com Email buzz@readbuzz.com Write 512 E. Green St., Champaign, IL 61820 CALL 217.337.3801

We reserve the right to edit submissions. buzz will not publish a letter without the verbal consent of the writer prior to publication date. buzz Magazine is a student-run publication of Illini Media Company and does not necessarily represent, in whole or in part, the views of the University of Illinois administration, faculty or students. © Illini Media Company 2010

by Ashley Lavela

What do YOU want for the Holidays?

hat’s the real meaning of Christmas? It’s buying people stuff, you turkey! So buy your friends things. Make your friends buy you things. Just make sure to buy things and keep the system running you sheep. Just kidding! There’s a lot of things you can want for the holidays. Not just presents, but family, warmth, food, love. Those are all legit wants! So, before you give $300 dollars to Steve Jobs, remember, the best gifts are already free. What I’m trying to say is, shoplift everything you can this holiday season. Jennifer Ellison

Jonathan Earnest

Junior in Accounting

Senior in Political Science

Catch up TWITTER with the TWITTER D.I 24/7 TWITTER TWITTER on TWITTER TWITTER TWITTER tweet! TWITTER TWITTER TWITTER @dailyillini TWITTER TWITTER TWITTER LOL!

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An “iPad!” Cover Design Annaka Olsen Editor in Chief Brad Thorp Managing Editor & Copy Chief Claire Keating Art Director Annaka Olsen Photography Editor Ramzi Dresseen Image Editor Claire Keating Photographers Peggy Fioretti, Claire Keating Designers Claire Keating, JoAnn Pierce Music Editor Dylan Sutcliff Food Editor Jeanine Russel Movie Editor Matt Carey Art Editor Lauren Hise Community Editor Nick Martin CU Calendar Copy Editors Sales Manager Sarah Gleason Marketing/Distribution Brandi Willis Publisher Mary Cory

pening every Tuesday night from 6:30 - 8 p.m. at Etc. Café on Green and Goodwin. Ok, so maybe you are a little deceived. Apologies. You will not stumble upon the cast of The Wizard of Oz, nor will skittles be pouring into your mouth from the sky. Better! You will find an informal place to hangout, drink some delicious non-alcoholic beverages (give your liver a break), all while supporting the LGBT community. Eureka — the true meaning of rainbow explained! So what exactly can you do at the Rainbow Coffeehouse? Pretty much anything legal that your little heart desires: discuss Middle Eastern politics, play an intense game of Battleship or get your coffee drank on. The purpose is to provide a safe and open place for members of the LGBT community as well as their supporters to relax and hang. “It’s open to anyone who is supportive of LGBT rights and equality,” said Bethany Socie, office support specialist at the LGBT resource center. “And you definitely don’t have to be LGBT, it is open to everyone.”

“A new computer.” Angie Roberts

Amanda Lindsay

Resident of Champaign

Resident of Rantoul

“I’d like to get that call for my husband, Jeff, to head down to St. Louis so he could get his kidney transplant. Though, my ultimate wish would be to have my mom with us for Christmas. I really miss her around this time. I would also like for my daughter, Megan, to have an awesome Christmas.”

“I would like my parents to be able to come home for Christmas.”

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Food

Drink

How it’s made

December 23, 2010 - January 5, 2011

the217.com

Eggnog

by Emily Sawyers Eggnog has been a classic Christmas and holiday drink in America for many years. A common belief holds that eggnog was a tradition brought into America from Europe, which is partially true. Long ago in the Old World, there were many different wine and milk punches that eggnog related to. Although eggnog in Europe was mainly connected with different wines, America decided to put a twist on the drink and use rum instead of wine. The origin of the name eggnog is something that is still up for debate. Some experts believe that

since rum in Colonial America was called “grog”, eggnog was derived first from “egg and grog,” then “egg’n’grog” and was finally converted to eggnog. Other experts are sure that the “nog” part of eggnog comes from the word “noggin”. A noggin was a small, wooden, carved mug that was used to serve different drinks at tables in olden taverns. In this belief, eggnog started out as a mixture of milk and Spanish sherry. The English named this blend dry sack posset. Since this was essentially an egg drink served in a noggin, experts believe the name eggnog came from this creation. Nomenclature aside, eggnog became a very popular holiday drink in Colonial America as a rich blend of spicy tastes and alcohol. In the 1800s, eggnog was almost always used as a social drink and as such was served in very large quantities. It was commonly served at holiday parties, but was not only associated with Christmas like it is now. It was also very popular for friends to indulge and spend evenings celebrating the New Year. Even our Used with permission from www.veganbaking.net first president George Washington

Cheers!

was a huge eggnog fan. He made his own recipe including rye whiskey, rum and sherry. Some great eggnog recipes for the holidays can be found on the internet. Whether you want it to be an alcoholic drink or not, there are so many options! For example, here is one very popular eggnog recipe. Ingredients:

» » » » » » » »

6 large eggs, plus 2 yolks 1/2 cup, plus 2 tablespoons sugar 1/4 teaspoon salt 4 cups whole milk 1 tablespoon vanilla extract 1/2 teaspoon grated nutmeg 1/4 cup heavy cream, whipped to soft peaks Additional grated nutmeg for garnish

Preparation:

Combine eggs, egg yolks, sugar and salt in a heavy 3- or 4-quart pan, whisking until wellcombined. Continue whisking while pouring milk in a slow, steady stream until completely incorporated. Turn on burner to lowest possible

heat setting. Place pan on burner and stir mixture continuously until an instant-read thermometer reaches 160 F and the mixture thickens enough to coat the back of a spoon. Be patient. This should take about 45 to 60 minutes. Strain mixture through a fine sieve into a large bowl to remove any accidental small cooked bits of egg. Add vanilla extract and nutmeg, stirring to combine. Pour into a glass pitcher, decanter or container and cover with a lid or plastic wrap. Refrigerate this egg-custard mixture to chill at least 4 hours or up to 3 days before finishing. When ready to serve, pour heavy cream into a bowl and whip until it forms soft peaks. Fold whipped cream into cold custard mixture until combined. Serve eggnog in chilled cups or glasses and garnish with a sprinkle of nutmeg. This specific recipe allows for 12 to 16 servings. It’s perfect for a Christmas or New Year’s Eve celebration! If you’re feeling extra adventurous, add half a cup of chocolate milk to your eggnog — a little family secret! So during this holiday season, when you’re spending time with loved ones and you find yourself curled up in front of the fireplace, remember this simple recipe, and enjoy your treat!

buzz helps with your holiday buzz

by Jordan Ramos

ith winter comes unforgiving weather, but, in redemption, it also brings yummy drinks with the ability to warm up their drinkers right away — whether from the heat of the drink itself or the alcohol content. Either way, they truly taste best when shared with family, friends and loved ones. On Christmas and New Year’s Eve, surround yourself with the ones that matter most, share drinks and laughs and make some memories. Hot chocolate is a magical drink during the winter months. It tastes fabulous on its own, but also has the ability to be altered easily with many different liqueurs such as Kahlua, almond liqueur, Peppermint Schnapps, dark rum or Bailey’s Irish Cream. Of course, there are the ever popular marshmallows and whipped cream to be added on top of these steaming drinks. Hot Spiced Cranberry Punch

When hosting the party this year, try this unique punch, sure to please your guests. » » » » » » » » »

3/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/4 grated nutmeg 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon ground allspice 3/4 teaspoon ground cloves 2 cans jellied cranberry sauce 4 cups pineapple juice 2 cups light rum

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Bring sugar, 1 cup water, salt and spices to a boil. Mash cranberry sauce with a fork. Add 3 cups water to cranberry sauce and beat with a rotary beater until smooth. Add cranberry liquid and pineapple juice to hot spiced syrup and heat to boiling. Add rum. Serve hot with cinnamon stick stirrers. (The Little Black Book of Cocktails) Yuletide Wassail

Singing is supposed to take place before drinking out of the wassailing bowl; let them hear your dulcet pipes. » » » » » » »

1 quart ale 1 quart brandy or light rum, slightly warmed 1/4 teaspoon grated nutmeg 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger Grated peel of 1 lemon 3 eggs 4 ounces sugar

Heat ale almost to the boiling point with nutmeg, ginger and lemon peel. Beat eggs with sugar. Add a little hot ale to the egg mixture to equalize the temperature and keep the eggs from scrambling. Gradually add egg mixture to the hot ale. Pour mixture into a pitcher. Pour warmed brandy into another pitcher. Turn ingredients from one pitcher into the other until the mixture is smooth. Pour into bowl to be served. (The Little Black Book of Cocktails)

Spiced Wine

Turn your favorite bottle of wine into something a bit more festive. » 1 bottle full-bodied red wine » 3 tablesppons honey » 2 cinnamon sticks » 1 tbsp. black peppercorns » 1 sliced orange » 1 sliced lemon » 1/2 cup sugar » 2 tablespoons cardamom seeds

Used with permission from waferboard under the Creative Commons License

Santa Shot

In a large saucepan, combine the wine, honey, cinnamon sticks, cardamom seeds, lemon and sugar. Simmer for 15 minutes. Pour into mugs, and garnish with a cinnamon stick if desired.

This drink will be quick, but it will be good. » 1 part Crème de Menthe » 1 part grenadine » 1 part Peppermint Schnapps

Dog Sled

A delightful drink with a fruity twist. » » » »

1 ½ oz Canadian Whiskey 1 ½ oz orange juice 1 teaspoon grenadine 1 tablespoon lemon juice

Mix all ingredients with cracked ice in a shaker or blender. (www.thatsthespirit.com)

Layer these in the order listed to get a green, red and clear shot. (associatedcontent.com) Restaurants or bars in Champaign-Urbana have special drinks for the holidays. Boltini Lounge, located at 211 N. Neil St., offers several flavored hot chocolate and coffee drinks for the cold weather, and Emerald City Lounge at 118 N. First St., a recent addition to CU, will have some winter drinks soon.

the217.com December 23, 2010 - January 5, 2011

I hate art school.

2010, Again!

buzz writers share the best thing they did all year

Contra Dancing at the Kalyx Center The Urbana Country Dancers host contra dances two or three times a month, and on this particular Friday, my friend Ben Leddy was accompanying the dancers with his band, Banjar (he plays banjo). This was also a special weekend for the Country Dancers — instead of holding their dance at the Phillips Recreation Center, like usual, they were having it at the Kalyx Center in Monticello, which seemed to me like it was in the middle of nowhere. Seriously, we had to trek through a forest for half mile on a creepy dirt road until we got to a brightly lit log cabin in the middle of the woods with people dancing inside. I felt like I had gone back in time 75 years, and I loved every second of it. — Emily Siner

MegAmoreFix Art Parade Early in the semester, a local artist with unique inspiration and a passion for the extreme organized a participatory “art parade” in downtown Champaign. The rules were simple: come dressed as a bug and equipped with an open mind. The result was amazing ... and absurd: praying mantises, bumblebees and giant slugs frolicked around town yelling, jumping and waving flaming torches. The public didn’t quite know how to react, so many ended up joining to see what was in store, adding their own odd gesticulations along the way. Finally, the parade erupted in the back of Cafe Luna where the giant humanoids and fellow marchers drank fermented honey nectar and shadow danced around a roaring pit fire to the beating sounds of electronic bass. It was a dreamlike experience: surreal, savage and beautiful. I haven’t killed an insect since. Instead, the sight of such creatures inspires me to spontaneously start a dance rave. — Brady Collins

Pygmalion Music Festival My favorite thing I did this semester was Pygmalion. On Wednesday I went to the Janelle Monáe concert. The days prior to it, I always joked that it would be the best day of my life, since I am a huge Janelle Monáe fan. However, I never knew it would be pretty much the best concert I have ever been to. Besides seeing the fabulous J.M in concert, I also got into Of Montreal for the first time. That sole concert made me want to explore the other concerts during the festival, including Elsinore and Grandkids. Last year as a freshman, I chose not to go to Pygmalion because of monetary reasons and because I knew none of the bands. I see now what a colossal mistake that was. Everyone should just pay up, because it’s a worthwhile musical endeavor. — Tolu Taiwo

Picture it Thursday night. A booth on the second level of Firehaus with three Bud Lights and two best friends. It’s not anything special by a long shot, but it wraps up my entire semester and all of what I want to but might not remember from college. Waking up on Monday mornings was eased knowing that in four short days the carbonation sensation of an ice cold beverage would be sliding down my throat with the most delectable of conversations. My dad always told me that his best memories were in a bar with his buddies, and it wasn’t until this semester — my first semester of junior year — that I finally understand that chill nights at Firehaus in jeans and a cotton shirt make the best nights at college. better than I ever could have asked for. If you have never tried it, I suggest adjusting your schedules on Fridays to allow for Thursday night outings ... for the rest of college. — Laurie Shinbaum

Gordyville Flea Market

Photo by Claire Keating

This fall, some buzz friends and I decided to stare deep into the heart of rural consumerism — we went to a flea market. Nowhere else can you buy all sorts of weird shit in one strange place. Some wares included: talking Billy Bass fish, blankets, lamps, hygiene products, farm equipment, vintage Star Wars action figures, swastika pocket knives, Confederate flags, puppies and pornography. It was like Christmas, but a very strange Christmas where lots of people were drinking, crying, yelling, and trying to convince me to buy a poncho. If someone adapts Gordyville Flea Market into a movie, the soundtrack will be written by Les Claypool. In all seriousness: Gordyville is an awesome time and it’s relatively unknown to campus kids. You should check it out! It happens every month! — Nick Martin

by buzz Community Staff

Illinois Skydiving Center

Used with permission from the Illinois Skydiving Center; photo by Hector Mandel

Piano Man There’s nothing like the feeling a grown man gets when he realizes just how many feminine songs he really knows. I realized this while belting out the chorus of the Spice Girls’ record-shattering (in terms of girliness) single “Wannabe” at Canopy Club’s Piano Man at. Every Tuesday at the Canopy Club, CU’s best and brightest come out to sing along, admire raw musical talent and drink too many Long Island iced teas. “Is his singing getting better, or am I just getting really drunk?” With Piano Man’s exceptional gift of music — and his even more exceptional gift of binge drinking — the man behind the piano gives a show that is memorable. Well, I remember some of it ... kind of. Arm in arm with complete strangers, singing the lyrics sloppily, spit dribbling down your chin, and the understanding that you are here for one reason, and one reason only. That is: have the Piano Man sing you a song. After all, we are all in the mood for a melody — he’s got us feeling alright. — Esteban Gast

Opening of The Red Lion One of my favorite things to happen in Champaign-Urbana this year is the opening of The Red Lion. Judge me as you please, but I can’t think of a better place to stumble into at 1:30 in the morning. It has everything your drunken heart could desire including decent music, tables to dance upon and hoards of smashed, smiling faces. It is, hands down, the best bar to dance at on campus. Every time I try to dance at Joe’s some guy comes out of the mist to grind on me and Clybourne’s tends to be uncomfortably crowded and dark. I have no way of comparing The Red Lion to Station 211 because I could only get as far as the line of Station before becoming altogether repulsed and going home, but The Red Lion always makes for a ridiculous end to an absurd evening. — Hannah Pitstick

Back in October, I attended a fundraising event for the Rape Advocacy Counseling & Education Services (RACES). Instead of having a typical fundraiser, they event was hosted by the Illinois Skydiving Center in Flatville, Ill.., which is only about 20 minutes off campus. Since I was there to write a story, I was interviewing the skydivers and trying to get their perspective on skydiving. I was interested to know what it felt like. Most were helpful and gave the answers that I was looking for but one skydiver, Phil Schmit, tried a different tactic. He agreed to be interviewed ... after I went skydiving with him. I laughed this idea off because only months earlier had I finally conquered Raging Bull at Six Flags (at the age of 20). As a writer, I was looking for that colorful quote and felt that he would be able to provide it. After a few minutes of convincing, I found myself stepping into a white and purple skydiving suit. As the tiny plane took off, my white knuckles grasped onto the handle. During the 10 minute plane ride, my mind came up with a million excuses not to jump, but when the light turned green, the door was flung open and my legs were dangling from the plane. I closed my eyes as my tandem partner flipped us out of the plane. To my surprise, the next 90 seconds were the most relaxing and stress relieving of my entire life. As we slowly floated back to earth, Schmit pointed out the boundary lines of Champaign and Urbana. The year 2010 taught me that I am a lot more brave (or stupid) than I knew before. — Ashley Lavela

Books to Prisoners Program This past semester I started volunteering at the Urbana Books to Prisoners program, an awesome organization that helps get much needed reading material to prisoners deprived of books. As a volunteer, I got to play the role of Santa Claus, reading over the prisoners’ wish lists and selecting books for them. The letters the prisoners send are incredibly heartwarming and inspiring; some of them even come attached with powerful artwork or poems. The organization is low-key, located in the basement of the Independent Media Center in Urbana, but it has a huge impact on prisons all over Illinois; in fact, it has donated nearly 53,000 packages of books since it started a few years ago. Volunteering at such a unique program has not only been gratifying and enjoyable, but has been proven to be one of the coolest organizations I’ve ever been involved with. They always take donations and volunteers, so if you’re looking for an awesome way to give back or just trying to get some service hours before you graduate, then you should definitely check it out! — Jessica Bourque buzz

arts

entertainment

Finding Mark Twain

December 23, 2010 - January 5, 2011

the217.com

The famous writer’s story is told in his own way

by Jeff Nelson

y now, I guess everyone has heard of this fall’s surprise publishing sensation. The Autobiography of Mark Twain (University of California Press, $35) is an autobiography on the New York Times Best Sellers list that is listed along with the memoirs of Keith Richards and George Bush. It is affirmed that this is the “complete and authoritative” edition, and a certain amount of hype has broadcast the revelation that Twain demanded this only be published 100 years after his death. Already having gone through six printings and sold over 100,000 copies, everyone is looking for a newly revealed dark side. Just hold on! During his life, he worked on his autobiography in several streaks, but especially from 1906 to year he died, 1910. He was able to produce this 500,000 word memoir by dictating his thoughts when he was in the mood. When his mood shifted, he would break from the task or switch to another subject. He was not interested in creating a traditional chronological recapitulation of his life. His detailed and fascinating explanation of his extraordinary method of memoir is explained in a lengthy segment on page 441, which ends with: “it is a deliberate system which follows no chartered course and is not going to follow any such course. It is a system which is a complete and purposed jumble ... ” What we have are the collected, dictated blogs of Samuel Clemens, better known as Mark Twain. But, other scholars, who have had access to much of this material, have tried to straighten it out.

Yes, other scholars have published considerable quantities of Twain’s autobiographical material, and Twain himself even published 26 segments in the North American Review between 1906 and 1908. Albert Bigelow Paine published a two volume autobiography in 1924, and historian Bernard Devoto added previously unpublished segments that Paine had passed over with his 1940 his collection, Mark Twain in Eruption. In 1959, Twain scholar Charles Neider published his version of a Twain autobiography, and that book has been so popular it is still in print. Okay, so what is new here? First, all previous Twain autobiographical editors did not have access to all of the Twain papers. Yet, this first volume of the “authoritative edition” contains less than 10 percent of previously unpublished material. Okay, there are still two volumes to go, but in its 650 or so pages, what we get really is a look at how he wanted his autobiography to be presented, rather than never unearthed dirty little secrets. Paine, Devoto and Neider all thought they had a better, basically chronological, way of editing Twain’s dictations. From them, we got the traditional autobiography that Twain clearly did not want. In this autobiography, more than new material, we see, or rather hear, Mark Twain at work. He speaks to one topic, grows tired of it and then proceeds to discuss another subject. Editor Harriet Elinor Smith has done a superlative job of organizing these collective dictations into a

Lights up on a new year

fascinating collection of Twain’s most personal thoughts and recollections — that is the essence of this unusual autobiography. So, how fluent was Mr. Clemens at the art of dictation? He was a celebrity as a public speaker even before he attained fame as writer. His first public speaking sessions that made a hit date from 1866, note that his first book, The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County, was published in 1867. No other 19th century writer, save for Charles Dickens, had such a superlative and celebrated public speaking career. He was more than a fluent dictator of words; he was a master of spoken composition. The editors of this volume have noted that Twain made few corrections to his dictated drafts; his fluent thoughts did the job. As you peruse this hefty collection, note the included drafts of such gems as “Personal Recollections of Joan of Arc” and see how he thought when he did revise his copy. Read the full story behind his publication of Grant’s memoirs, and then follow the advice of this great writer — use this autobiography to pick and choose what interests you about Mark Twain. A superb table of contents and index makes the picking and choosing easy, so don’t let the bulk of this volume discourage you, and consider your options for the upcoming volumes two and three. Coda: Twain, during his lifetime, published three monographs of personal memoirs — Life on the Mississippi, Roughing It and Following the Equator.

His own publishing company, Webster, which existed from 1885 to 1894, went from wildly successful with the publication in 1885 of Grant’s Personal Memoirs and Twain’s own Adventures of Huckleberry Finn to bankruptcy in 1894. In its later years, Webster published such duds as a biography of Pope Leo XIII, which sold less than 200 copies.

Looking ahead to the spring theater season

by Megan Betti ‘Tis the season for holidays, playing in the snow and time with family and friends. Unfortunately, it’s also the season when the rhythm begins to slow down a bit on campus. Never fear, however. There is a light at the end of the tunnel — and that light happens to be a stage light! When the spring season kicks off, the Krannert Center for the Performing Arts will have more than enough events to keep your schedule packed. In fact, according to Bridget Lee-Calfas, Krannert’s public information director, you can expect to see “The Russian National Ballet, Somi, the third and fourth installments of Pacifica Quartet do-

ing the Shostokovich Cycle, Anne Bogart’s SITI Company, Wynton Marsalis, Phil Kline’s John the Revelator, Mark Morris Dance Group, Blues at the Crossroads, St. Petersburg Philharmonic Orchestra, Suzanne Vega, Septeto Nacional Ignacio Pineiro de Cuba, the TPO Virtual Playground and performance of Kindur and lots of free events including a noontime interval with a cappella Ball in the House on Feb. 11 and a Traffic Jam at 5 p.m. on Feb. 18 with The Brat Pack, an ‘80s tribute band.” Of course, you can find out more about any of these exciting events at www.KrannertCenter.com. The Department of Theatre will also be presenting The African Company presents Richard III, Misalliance and A Midsummer Night’s Dream. “The real pleasure of Krannert Center is the diversity of genres, price points, venues and formats,” said Lee-Calfas. Krannert is also home to Stage 5, which provides entertainment that is free and open to the public. Used with permission from the Russian National Ballet and KCPA Also a great opportunity

buzz

for performance lovers whose wallets need a break, the bar, located in Krannert’s lobby, hosts a few different types of performances. “It’s the setting for our Afterglow, Traffic Jam and Krannert Uncorked performances — all of which are free and open to the public,” said Lee-Calfas. Over at the Champaign-Urbana Theatre Company, excitement is running high as they enter their 20th season. According to Michael Galloway, the managing director, “CUTC has been in the area for twenty years and have been giving the community wonderful productions! The shows next season are all family friendly, and it is a great thing for the family to do together. Next season, we are even offering a family four pack!” The shows coming up next in their schedule are Hello, Dolly!, West Side Story and The Music Man. This production of West Side Story will be the sixth annual Kathy Murphy student production. The shows are a great way to remember Murphy, who was one of the founding members of CUTC. “Kathy was very instrumental on getting the student productions up and running, so the board thought it would be a great honor to name the student productions after her,” said Galloway.

“We are now on our sixth student production.” In addition to the Kathy Muphy student production, The Music Man will have a special significance to the troupe. “The Music Man was our first production,” said Galloway, “and we also performed it at our 10th anniversary.” There is no doubt that all of these musicals are classics and great for the whole family. Though a night out at the theater with all the kids can often get pricey, Galloway reports that their ticket prices have been lowered so that everyone can come and enjoy the shows CUTC has to offer. One of the beautiful things about living in the Champaign-Urbana area is the myriad of theatrical options. In addition to the productions and companies listed above, there are other community theaters, such as Station Theatre, Parkland, the Armory Free Theatre and even Registered Student Organizations, such as the New Revels Players, Penny Dreadful Players and What You Will Shakespeare Company, to keep Champaign-Urbana thoroughly entertained. Keep your eye on buzz and the217.com to stay updated on all the theatrical opportunities headed your way next year!

the217.com December 23, 2010 - January 5, 2011

Moms are a drag.

Dreaming of a White Christmas

Slam Dunk Your Way Into a Big 10 Basketball Game! WPGU 107.1 is giving away tickets to all Big 10 Games. Tune in every tuesday from 1-9pm and call to win your tickets for that week. Brought to you by:

Megan Jiminez, Shannon M. O’Bryan, Denis Lambert and Amanda Paulson tap and sing “I Love a Piano” in Irving Berlin’s White Christmas. Photo by Tanner Photography

Irving Berlin’s White Christmas comes to Chicago’s Bank of America Theater by Jeff Nelson

pleasant holiday offering from the Broadway in Chicago series, Irving Berlin’s White Christmas reminds us of that recent trend of turning films into stage shows. The production will continue at the Bank of America Theater in Chicago until Jan. 2, and, in this case, the adaptation is almost exact, as here we have film musical to stage musical. If you are looking for a lightweight family friendly show for the holidays, this just may be the best offering in Chicago’s Loop. If this title sounds familiar, it should. This is a very faithful adaptation of the 1954 Paramount film of the same name that starred Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye. The film was written by three top screenwriters — Norman Krasna, Norman Panama and Melvin Frank. With veteran Oscarwinning director for Casablanca Michael Curtiz, this star-studded cast managed the biggest box office hit of 1954. It was not a huge hit with critics, then or now, as it contained mostly recycled Irving Berlin songs — although “Count Your Blessings Instead of Sheep” is a very fine original song to the film — and a lame Hollywood plot. That plot, for stage and film, here adapted for live audiences by David Ives and Paul Blake, is right out of Andy Hardy — “let’s put on a show.” Yes, two army buddies, who, by 1954, are a big song and dance act, help their old commanding general by putting on a big show in his struggling Vermont lodge. On the side, you get romance with a sister act, an overly precocious child with her own song and dance act and friends who miraculously produce most of the 151st division just

in time for Christmas in Vermont. Okay, it is a bit much for credibility, but this show is long on sentiment and entertainment and light on tautly constructed plot lines. Add to this the fine direction of Norb Joerder and Randy Skinner, and you can understand why this show has been touring successfully since 2004. The show did have a Broadway run from November 2008 to January 2009 to qualify it for the category of “Broadway in Chicago.” On the plus side, “I Love a Piano” has rarely been better as a showstopper, and the ensemble is uniformly excellent. Even among the worst compositions, like “What Can You Do For a General?” — one of Berlin’s least memorable songs — Skinner’s choreography with these superlative dancers almost makes some sense. The legion of fans of the film will find it all here, live and in three dimensions, and if you are looking for holiday entertainment with no edge, Irving Berlin’s White Christmas may be the perfect holiday offering. The song “White Christmas” is not original to this film. It was premiered in Holiday Inn, a 1942 film. It won the Oscar for Best Original Song. This amazing Jewish songwriter is credited with the best modern Christmas song and the best Easter song, “Easter Parade.” No wonder legendary songwriter Jerome Kern said, “Irving Berlin has no place in American music — he is American music.” For further information, check out www.Broadwayinchicago.com, or call 800-775-2000. buzz

December 23, 2010 - january 5, 2011

movie review

the217.com

Tron: Legacy

by Thomas Bruch

defend a movie

Hamlet (1990)

★★★★✩

Used with permission from Disney Enterprises, Inc.

A Classic Movie Experience

Serving beer, wine, and mixed drinks.

Week of Friday, Dec 24 - Thursday Dec 30 Tees Maar Khan (NR) In Hindi with English subtitles Fri: 1:00 PM

The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest (Luftslottet som sprangdes) (R) English subtitles Fri: (4:30), 7:30 Sat & Sun: (1:30), (4:30), 7:30 Mon - Thu: 7:30 PM Easy A (PG-13) Sat: 10:30 PM Wed & Thu: 10:30 PM 126 W. Church St. Take the CUMTD Bus Champaign www.theCUart.com

SAVOY 16 217-355-3456

S. Neil St. (Rt. 45) at Curtis Rd.

$ 5.75

www.GQTI.com

Last show of Christmas Eve will start at 4:05 pm. BARGAIN TWILIGHT First shows on Christmas Day3Dwill 3pm. D A I LY 4&:Fathom 0start 0events - 6after :00 PM * excludes Digital

No passes S Stadium seating SHOWTIMES 12/24 - 12/30 GULLIVER’S TRAVELS (PG) STARTS SATURDAY 12/25 SAT 3:10, 5:20, 7:25, 9:35, 11:35 SUN-TH 11:00, 1:05, 3:10, 5:20, 7:25, 9:35 S LITTLE FOCKERS (PG-13) FRI 11:05, 11:35, 1:15, 1:55, 3:25, 4:20 SAT 3:25, 4:20, 5:35, 6:35, 7:45, 8:55, 9:55, 11:20, 12:05 SUN-TH 11:05, 11:35, 1:15, 1:55, 3:25, 4:20, 5:35, 6:35, 7:45, 8:55, 9:55 TRUE GRIT (PG-13) FRI 11:45, 2:20, 4:55 SAT 4:55, 7:25, 10:00 SUN-TH 11:45, 2:20, 4:55, 7:25, 10:00 S FRI 11:00, 1:30, 4:00 S SAT 4:00, 6:30, 9:00, 11:30 S SUN-TH 11:00, 1:30, 4:00, 6:30, 9:00 S BLACK SWAN (R) FRI 11:40, 2:05, 4:25 SAT 4:25, 6:55, 9:20, 11:40 SUN-TH 11:40, 2:05, 4:25, 6:55, 9:20 3D TRON: LEGACY (PG) $2.50 PREMIUM PER 3D TICKET FRI 11:00, 1:45, 4:30 SAT 4:30, 7:15, 10:00 SUN-TH 11:00, 1:45, 4:30, 7:15, 10:00 TRON: LEGACY (PG) FRI 12:45, 3:30 SAT 3:30, 6:15, 9:00, 11:45 SUN-TH 12:45, 3:30, 6:15, 9:00 S FRI 12:15, 3:00 S SAT 3:00, 5:45, 8:30, 11:15 S SUN-TH 12:15, 3:00, 5:45, 8:30 3D YOGI BEAR (PG) $2.50 PREMIUM PER 3D TICKET FRI 11:30, 1:30, 3:30 SAT 3:30, 5:30, 7:30, 9:30, 11:30 SUN-TH 11:30, 1:30, 3:30, 5:30, 7:30, 9:30 YOGI BEAR (PG) FRI 11:15, 1:20, 3:15, 5:15 SAT 3:15, 5:15, 7:20 SUN-TH 11:15, 1:20, 3:15, 5:15, 7:20 THE FIGHTER (R) FRI 11:05, 1:40, 4:15 SAT 4:15, 6:50, 9:25, 12:00 SUN-TH 11:05, 1:40, 4:15, 6:50, 9:25 HOW DO YOU KNOW (PG-13) FRI 11:10, 1:50, 4:30 SAT 4:30, 7:10, 9:50 SUN-TH 11:10, 1:50, 4:30, 7:10, 9:50 S 3D THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER (PG) $2.50 PREMIUM PER 3D TICKET

FRI 11:25, 2:00, 4:35 SAT 4:35, 7:05, 9:45 SUN-TH 11:25, 2:00, 4:35, 7:05, 9:45

THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER (PG) FRI 11:00, 1:35, 4:05 THE TOURIST (PG-13) FRI 12:00, 2:25, 4:50 SAT 4:50, 7:15, 9:40, 12:05 SUN-TH 12:00, 2:25, 4:50, 7:15, 9:40 TANGLED (PG) FRI 11:20, 1:55, 4:10 SAT 4:10, 6:30, 8:50, 11:10 SUN-TH 11:20, 1:55, 4:10, 6:30, 8:50

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 1

(PG-13) DAILY 9:30

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fter three years’ worth of viral campaigns, Comic-Con appearances and numerous advertisements, I thought I had become utterly desensitized to the upcoming release of Tron: Legacy. I entered the midnight showing with about as much anticipation as a comatose patient awaiting the plug being pulled. Things changed by the end of the showing; I exited the theater with a childlike sense of wonder that surprised me beyond belief. Tron: Legacy opens with a brief summary provided by Kevin Flynn (Jeff Bridges) of the previous Tron movie, a 1982 cult classic that was released. Kevin mysteriously disappears, leaving behind his young son Sam. Many years pass and Sam seeks to find the whereabouts of his father. He enters a BUZZ that his father designed and locomputer system THURSDAY cates his father who has been exiled and trapped DECEMBER 23his own creation. Sam in the computer system of corp note...keep this same size always must join forces with his father and Quorra (Olivia Wilde) to overcome the digitized army and return 1 X 5.417 to the real world. 1/8th page Although I was entranced throughout the duration of the movie, there were obvious deficiencies that many reviewers have been quick to point out. The screenplay was incredibly me-

diocre, which led to some boring stretches in the movie, and the film is littered with enough cheesy one-liners to make even Michael Bay blush. Here’s the surprising bit: the positives in Tron: Legacy disguise and subdue the negatives to the point of non-existence. The special effects are dazzling, and the 3D moments are intricately woven into the narrative with ease, improving the grandeur of the picture and not distracting from the breathtaking action sequences. Coming from a huge 3D detractor, that’s major praise. Lest we forget, the movie is worth the price of admission alone just to hear the Daft Punk original score pulsating through the movie theater’s sound system. The scene in which the French DJ duo cameo literally left me on the edge of my seat with giddy excitement, due to the up-tempo musical composition and a can’t-miss performance by Michael Sheen. The lower your expectations are going in, the better. Still, I firmly believe that most cinemagoers will respond enthusiastically to this blockbuster, ensuring that we’ll witness another overdrawn advertising process for the next sequel. As long as that sequel includes another Daft Punk original score, they have my undying support.

Movie I Watch Every Holiday Season by Stephanie Ruiz

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

I was four years old when The Nightmare Before Christmas was first released, and despite everyone’s warnings that it was “too scary for kids,” my mom still took me to see it in theaters. Every year since then, watching this unconventional Christmas classic has topped my list of things to do every December. This quirky holiday film tells the tale of Jack Skellington, the Pumpkin King of Halloweentown, who one day happens upon Christmas Town and decides to bring the new holiday home; there’s just one problem: he doesn’t quite understand the concept, and the results are hilariously disastrous. With characters conceived by the strangely brilliant Tim Burton, gorgeous and impressive stop-motion animation, and a catchy soundtrack provided by

the talented Danny Elfman, this film is a timeless visual and musical treat that never manages to let me down, even after seventeen years. What I love most about this movie is that it’s basically the love child of my two all-time favorite holidays of the year. And while my dates with Mr. Skellington can easily be a biannual affair, I tend to reserve this gem for Christmastime, when I can curl up with some cocoa and my Jack and Sally fleece throw, one of the many Nightmare themed holiday presents I’ve gotten over the years. If they aren’t any indication as to how mildly obsessed I am with this movie, then the flood of text messages I get every year that read, “Nightmare’s on TV, and I’m totally thinking of you!” most definitely are.

by Syd Slobodnik Dubbed by some as “the Mel Gibson Hamlet,” Franco Zeffirelli’s Hamlet was an exquisitely produced version of the classic Shakespearean tragedy that many filmgoers have forgotten or simply dismissed because it not only followed Kenneth Branagh’s Oscar nominated Henry V in 1989, but many disliked Zeffirelli’s cuts and omissions of the bard’s immortal text. Not only did Zeffirelli and co-screenwriter Christopher De Vore cut the initial scenes of Act I with Hamlet senior’s ghost, they saw fit not to include the character of Fortinbras and omit Hamlet’s famous “Get thee to a nunnery” tirade on Ophelia. Where Zeffirelli ‘s film does succeed is its marvelous cast. Three years after the first Lethal Weapon film, Gibson is surprisingly effective as Prince Hamlet. More than up to the challenge of playing this legendary Shakespearean icon, Gibson loses his American accent for a not-sopretentious British sounding accent, capturing the cadences of the poetic text with skilled finesse. His wide-eyed, controlled performance is completely acceptable. He makes you feel the pain of a man mourning a father he deeply loved and respected. Zeffirelli also cast the major roles with several fine British performers. Alan Bates, Paul Scofield, Ian Holm and Helena Bonham Carter give terrific renditions of Hamlet’s uncle Claudius, the spirit of Hamlet’s late father, Polonius and Ophelia respectively. The only awkward casting came from the usually powerful Glenn Close who, only nine years Gibson’s senior, plays Hamlet’s mother Gertrude. Otherwise, Zeffirelli does stay faithful to the play’s medieval setting, shooting in actual English and Scottish castles, creating a remarkably real look and feel to this classic tale. Despite lack of public interest in the film, both the costume designer and art director received Oscar nominations.. You would think a third time would have been the charm for Shakespearean adaptations for Zeffirelli, having done the widely successful Romeo and Juliet and the Richard Burton/Elizabeth Taylor Taming of the Screw in the late ‘60s, but his Hamlet never seemed to find its audience in 1990.

MUSIC

December 23, 2010 - january 5, 2011

Staff Infection buzz staffers choose their favorite albums of the year by buzz Music Staff

Janelle Monáe — The ArchAndroid

In 2007, Janelle Monáe’s EP Metropolis was released, and as a result I lost all bodily functions. For the three years after, I followed Monáe very closely as she worked to finish her epic about the android named Cindi Mayweather and, when it was released earlier this year, I lost all brain function. How Monáe can both create an album that is so fun and genre-hopping while also telling a story of an android on the run from the police simply baffles me. The ArchAndroid creates a futuristic world that addresses both personal and worldly problems while at the same time makes me to just start dancing. When this is paired with the fact that she put on probably the best show I’ve ever seen at this year’s Pygmalion Music Festival, it’s hard for me not to give my favorite album of the year to Janelle Monáe. — Dylan Sutcliff

Dr. Dog — Shame, Shame I’ve started to form a theory that bands who can provoke nostalgia in at least a good chunk of people are good to go. This theory is really pretty pointless, since just about any kind of music can do it to someone; yet I think Dr. Dog has some kind of edge. Their chord progressions lean towards something new, yet always remind us of something old, and their lyrics always seem to pinpoint specific feelings and memories we’ve all once had. This is in the best sort of way, of course, as their April 2010 release, Shame, Shame, was easily one of my favorite albums of the year. It’s hard to pick out just one, but this is the CD that found itself playing in the most cars, CD players and iPods. Dr. Dog continues to have easygoing harmonies, dancing around being clean and lingering on gruff. Shame, Shame is full of groovy beats and jams like “Mirror, Mirror,” and has its share of nice guitar solos, as on “Where’d All the Time Go?” Shame, Shame is one of their most solid albums yet, catching each of their vibes somewhere on its 39-minute run time and including all the fun and sweet tendencies that are natural from guys who go around referring to each other as Taxi, Tables, Text, Teach and Thanks. — Carrie McMenamin

the217.com

Sleigh Bells — Treats Treats, the debut release from New York duo Sleigh Bells, is filled with loud pop beats accompanied by energetic female vocals incomparable to any other group, securing its place as one of the best new releases of 2010. The energy, talent, and sheer noise of the group is made by Derek Miller on the amped up guitar and Alexis Krauss singing, chanting and shouting the vocals. “Tell ‘Em” starts the album off with a bang, or rather, a series of bangs, while Krauss sweetly sings along. Each of the following tracks pound out different upbeat rhythms, akin to the style of the first single, but with their own flair. Even the slower songs on the album, such as “Rachel” and “Run the Heart,” carry that similarly paced, chaotic background music, but are fronted by calmer, softer vocals from Krauss. Treats is filled with enticing lyrics whose meanings may not be clear immediately, but the appreciation is in the artistry. Like that in a captivating line from “Rill Rill,” Krauss sings, “You’re just a weatherman, we make the wind blow.” Through the contagious beats and originality in every track, Treats deserves a spot among the best of 2010. — Maisie Sackett

Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti — Before Today On Before Today, Ariel Pink has succeeded in creating some of his most accessible yet complex work yet. The tape hiss and long sections of pure noise that characterized so many of his earlier recordings have given way to intricate layering and songs that at least attempt to be structured. The whole experience of listening to it is like being violently dragged through a swamp of synthesizers, early ‘60s pop hits, and dirty lo-fi jams only to come out scared, confused and craving more. Ariel Pink has made one of the most engrossing albums in recent memory. Songs like “Little Wig” and “Can’t Hear

My Eyes” manage to feel like familiar pop standards while still maintaining the genuine weirdness that fans have come to expect. The first half of the album is dominated by more experimental ventures, such as the fantastic single “Round and Round.” Hearing these makes you realize that this is not just another interesting but forgettable lo-fi album. Ariel Pink is adding a layer of complexity to a genre that has not really progressed much in the last ten years. Expect to hear to influence of Before Today resonating through the music world for years to come. — Alex Cisneros

Rusko — O.M.G. The wobbling, bumping sound that you just can’t seem to refute these days, better known as dubstep, has progressed into a very technical musical skill worthy of emulation. Rusko, in particular, has mastered the art of tastefully fusing dubstep with melodies that can grab even the most distanced fan’s attention. Difficult to pinpoint which genres Rusko pulls his work from, the release of O.M.G. revolutionized Rusko’s music. Released off of the coveted Diplo’s Mad Decent Record Label, Rusko compels his audience members with his array of whistles, number dials, synthesized vocals and tons of others quirks. Bear in mind this is Rusko’s first full solo album as an established musician. Without emphasizing too much dub or sacrificing it on the other hand, O.M.G. delivers Rusko as an artist of high versatility. Tracks like “Woot Boost” give Rusko ample recognition for his command on such a grimy drops and verses (that’s a good thing in the world of dubstep!). Contrastingly, songs like “Rubadub Shakedown” offer Rusko’s suave delivery of upbeat reggae as well. He doesn’t fail to tie in almost every basic genre to his version of dubstep expelled on this album. For its comprehensive delivery of a variety of sounds that dubstep can enhance, Rusko’s O.M.G. remains one of my favorite albums of the year. — Krithika Rajaraman buzz

buzz Don’t want to go far off campus and are 19-years-old or older? Both Kam’s and Joe’s are hosting New Year’s Eve parties. Kam’s, located at 618 E. Daniels St., will have party favors and appetizer buffets with their drinks, and Joe’s, located at 706 S. Fifth St., will have $1 well drinks and $2 call drinks and domestic beers. Both are a bit pricey at $30, and tickets must be bought online at the bars’ websites, but both promise to be a good time not too far from home in Champaign.

Bars around Green Street

Tuesday night comes alive again on New Year’s Eve as the Piano Man plays on that Friday at the Canopy Club from 8 p.m. to 2 a.m. The cost is a $5 cover, but entrance age is 18 years and older, Tuesday deals of $3 Long Island iced teas and $1 pizza slices from Manolo’s stay the same, and there’s a free champagne toast at midnight.

New Year’s Eve with the Piano Man

If you’re a fan of DJ’s and dance music as opposed to live bands, The Highdive has your back this New Years. The details have yet to be released on what exactly will be happening this 31st, but with DJ Delayney and DJ Bris heading the night there is sure to be a party that will be raging far into the 2011.

New Year’s with DJ Delayney and DJ Bris at The Highdive

Mike ‘n Molly’s is offering more local bands for this New Year’s Eve celebration than you can believe. With a lineup featuring The Dirty Feathers, Common Loon, Elsinore’s Ryan Groff and Santah, it will be quite some time before the venue recovers from the intense vibrations that the bands are sure to deliver.

New Year’s Eve at Mike ‘n Molly’s

The night starts early at The Esquire Lounge with the celebration beginning at happy hour at 4:30 p.m. The night continues with The Duke of Uke and His Novelty Orchestra later in the night. The Duke is a staple of the CU scene, where occasionally he can be seen with his uke walking around the town. The band as a whole puts on a packed show that will deliver a New Year’s Eve that you won’t forget.

The Duke of Uke and His Novelty Orchestra at Esquire Lounge

by Dylan Sutcliff

the217.com

Sometimes, it’s hard enough to live in a college town and not be 21, and with all the New Year’s Eve events at bars that only accept 21-year-olds or older, it’s easy to feel like a second-class citizen. But don’t get discouraged if you’re not of age; many venues host events for younger ages as well.

Under 21?:

Looking for a place for you and your buddies to jam to classic hits? On New Year’s Eve at Memphis on Main Outbound Drive will be performing all of your favorites from the 7’0s, ‘80s and ‘90s. Outbound Drive are well known around CU for putting on a great show that is sure to help start off the new year with the songs from the last 30 years. Drink specials include $3 Dr. McGillicuddy’s, $4 Jäger barrels, $7 U-Call-It Rail QUART Jars.

Outbound Drive at Memphis on Main

Start off the year with a show in CU

Rock in the New Year

If singing into a karaoke machine is your idea of a good time, head over to Route 45 Wayside. The venue is hosting free karaoke from 9 p.m. to 1 a.m. Unlike most karaoke happenings, this one is a “combination of a DJ/karaoke, instead of either or,” said owner Laura Witheft. The event isn’t the only one of Route 45 events that doesn’t charge cover. “We’re a small bar and have a lot of local people who want to go to a bar where they don’t have to pay for entertainment,” Witheft said.

New Year’s Eve Bash with Rockstar Karaoke

One pre-New Year’s Eve party option is spending the afternoon at Wines at the Pines. From 9 a.m. to 10 p.m., the venue will have sparkling wine and champagne tasting by the glass or as flights. “The nice thing is, the tasting gives people the option of trying several drinks and finding one that they like,” owner Jessica Stanis said, “whether it’s true champagne or sparkling wine, before committing to buying wine or sharing a bottle with friends.” Apart from drinks, chocolate and popcorn will be available, since they are a “great pairing together” with wine, said Stanis. And afterward, Wines at the Pines encourages tasters to head over to Milo’s, an American steak and seafood restaurant right across the street.

New Year’s Eve at Wines at the Pines

by Tolu Taiwo

buzz tells you what’s fun this New Year’s Eve

Ages 21 and older:

If you live in the area — or if are tired of going to your hometown for the holidays — and are bumming in Champaign or Urbana for the holidays, one of the things on your mind is probably how to ring in the new year. Instead of bumming on your couch, clutching a bottle of champagne and counting down the minutes ‘til 2011 with the TV, check out some of the sights CU has to offer. From concerts to karaoke, the town has something for everybody.

countdown to awesome December 23, 2010 - January 5, 2011

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

the217.com December 23, 2010 - January 5, 2011

Keep Your BUZZ... ...Even in the cold

Pick up The Buzz every Thursday and visit www.the217.com

)'('

BEST PLACE TO BUY SHOES

HEEL-TO-TOE

buzz 11

Bars around Green Street

New Year’s Eve with the Piano Man

New Year’s with DJ Delayney and DJ Bris at The Highdive

New Year’s Eve at Mike ‘n Molly’s

The Duke of Uke and His Novelty Orchestra at Esquire Lounge

by Dylan Sutcliff

the217.com

Under 21?:

Outbound Drive at Memphis on Main

Start off the year with a show in CU

Rock in the New Year

New Year’s Eve Bash with Rockstar Karaoke

New Year’s Eve at Wines at the Pines

by Tolu Taiwo

buzz tells you what’s fun this New Year’s Eve

Ages 21 and older:

countdown to awesome December 23, 2010 - January 5, 2011

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

the217.com December 23, 2010 - January 5, 2011

Keep Your BUZZ... ...Even in the cold

Pick up The Buzz every Thursday and visit www.the217.com

)'('

BEST PLACE TO BUY SHOES

HEEL-TO-TOE

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CALENDAR

DECEMBER 23, 2010 - JANUARY 5, 2011

Complete listing available at

THE217.COM/CALENDAR

SUBMIT YOUR EVENT TO THE CALENDAR: Online: forms available at the217.com/calendar • E-mail: send your notice to calendar@the217.com • Fax: 337-8328, addressed to the217 calendar Snail mail: send printed materials via U.S. Mail to: the217 calendar, Illini Media, 512 E. Green St., Champaign, IL 61820 • Call: 531-1456 if you have a question or to leave a message about your event.

Ginger Creek Shops, C, 7pm kids & families Bingo Night Tuesday Twos live music Memphis on Main, C, 8pm Champaign Public Library, C, dance music The Decadents 9:45am, 10:15am, 10:45am kids & families Canopy Club, U, 9pm, $5 Showtune Sunday Walk-in Storytime and Billy Galt and Jeff Kerr Emerald City Lounge, C, 4pm O Baby! Creative Play AnSun, C, 7pm Main Library, U, 9:45am Class Act, C, 2pm, $2 (per stage TwoYou Duo Teen Scene family) community The Clark Bar, C, 7pm Open Stage at Red Herring Douglass Branch Library, Wave Club Readers IMC Shows Group Meet- Red Herring Coffeehouse, C, 4pm Rantoul Public Library, dj ing: Community Booking U, 7:30pm Rantoul, 4pm classes & workshops Goodnight Storyshop Milk and Cookies at Klub Collective Drag Show Kam’s Urbana-Champaign Indepen- Chester Street, C, 10pm, $4 Poetry Workshop Champaign Public Library, Kam’s, C, 8pm dent Media Center, U, 7pm Red Herring Coffeehouse, C, 6:30pm recreation Old-School Hip-Hop U, 7:30pm faith lgbt Night Public Skate Po’ Boys, U, 8pm Moms and Grandmas Group Ice Arena, C, 1:30pm, $2-$3 TUESDAY 28 eQuality Champaign-UrHere Come the Regulars University Baptist Church, Freestyle bana meeting live music Red Star Liquors, U, 9pm C, 12pm Ice Arena, C, 4:20pm, $3 Wesley-United Methodist Stitches at The Clark Undergrad Bible Study Dedicated ice time for Del- Andy Moreillon Church & Wesley FoundaBar University Baptist Church, ta level skaters and above Fat City Bar & Grill, C, 7pm tion, U, 7pm The Clark Bar, C, 10pm C, 8:30pm Seize A Moment Produc- For meeting locations and game-playing DJ Luniks tions Presents: Craig times when the UIUC is not Firehaus, C, 10pm, $5 after miscellaneous Big Dave’s Trivia Night Gaskin and Friends in session, please email us 11pm Yarn ‘n Yak Cowboy Monkey, C, 7pm Senator’s Bar & Grill, Saat equality.cu@gmail.com Open Deck Night Rantoul Public Library, Trivia Night voy, 7:30pm seniors Radio Maria, C, 10pm Rantoul, 7pm The Blind Pig Brewery, C, 7pm The Piano Man Canopy Club, U, 9pm Continuing Asana for karaoke classes & workshops social issues Seniors dance music DJ Bange Workout in the Water AWARE Meeting BKS Iyengar Yoga Institute Rosebowl Tavern, Ltd., U, Campus Recreation Center McKinley Presbyterian 8th Grade Dance of C-U, U, 8:30am, $14 8:30pm East (CRCE), U, 8:30am, Church and Foundation, C, Joe’s Brewery, C, 11pm Prerequisite: Asana for Seize A Moment Produc- $60-$70 5:15pm Seniors karaoke tions Presents: RockStar Restorative Circles PresenKaraoke tation and Practice Group classes & workshops Seize A Moment Produc- community Fireside Bar and Grill, C, Champaign Public Library, Salsa Dance Lessons: tions Presents: RockStar Locals’ Night 9pm C, 6:30pm Beginners Karaoke Po’ Boys, U, 4pm Liquid Courage Karaoke Capoeira Academy, C, Bentley’s Pub, C, 10pm Memphis on Main, C, 9pm FRIDAY 24 6pm, $5 Seize A Moment Produc- faith Seize A Moment ProducSalsa Dance Lessons: tions Presents: RockStar Grad Students and tions Presents: RockStar dj Intermediate/Advanced Karaoke Professionals Weekly Karaoke DJ Tommy Williams Capoeira Academy, C, The Corner Tavern, Monti- Fellowship Lunch Senator’s Bar & Grill, SaChester Street, C, 9pm, $3 7:30pm, $5 cello, 8pm University Baptist Church, voy, 9pm Dragon Karaoke C, 11:30am Seize A Moment Produc- holidays MONDAY 27 The Clark Bar, C, 9pm Classes & tions Presents: RockStar Candlestick Lane Lights Liquid Courage Karaoke live music Karaoke Up for 2010 Boltini Lounge, C, 9:30pm Workshops Bentley’s Pub, C, 10pm Corner of Grant Place & One Dollar Wild Mondays Adult Pottery Class open mic Eastern Drive, U, 5pm Canopy Club, U, 9pm Boneyard Pottery, C, 9am, holidays Open Mic Tuesdays 6:30pm, $25 dj Candlestick Lane Lights SATURDAY 25 Cowboy Monkey, C, 10pm For registration, call 355Up for 2010 ‘80s Night with DJ 5610 holidays game-playing Corner of Grant Place & Mingram Real Computing Help Eastern Drive, U, 5pm Candlestick Lane Lights Role-playing Games Douglass Branch Library, karaoke Annual Keithmas CelUp for 2010 Rantoul Public Library, C, 6pm ebration Corner of Grant Place & Seize A Moment Produc- Rantoul, 6:30pm Iron Post, U, 8:30pm Eastern Drive, U, 5pm tions Presents: RockStar T-N-T Tuesday Night Trivia WEDNESDAY 29 George Faber and Friends Karaoke with Cara and Tanino kids & families live music Iron Post, U, 7pm Mike ‘n Molly’s, C, 10pm Boltini Lounge, C, 7pm Preschool Story Time Merry Christmas and Donnie Heitler: Solo Piano stage literary Rantoul Public Library, Happy Holidays Great Impasta, U, 6pm Rantoul, 10am Memphis on Main, C, 8pm Abe Froman Project Between the Lines Book Live Irish Music Baby Time Mike ‘n Molly’s, C, 9pm Discussion Group Bentley’s Pub, C, 7pm Douglass Branch Library, C, SUNDAY 26 Champaign Public Library, Dave Cooper, Joni Dreyer game-playing 10:30am C, 7pm and Brad Hendricks live music ARTfusion Madden Night Football Between the Lines Book Senator’s Bar & Grill, SaDouglass Branch Library, Live Irish Music with It’ll Do 2, C, 6pm Discussion Group voy, 7:30pm C, 4pm Emerald Rum Duplicate Bridge Game Main Library, U, 7pm The Sugar Prophets

THURSDAY 23

seniors

Continuing Asana for Seniors BKS Iyengar Yoga Institute of C-U, U, 8:30am, $14 Prerequisite: Asana for Seniors

buzz

The Blind Pig Co, C, 5:30pm

Fat City Bar & Grill, C, 8pm Please call prior to class Caleb Cook start time to reserve your Rosebowl Tavern, Ltd., U, space. 766-5964 10pm

dj DJ Tommy Williams Chester Street, C, 9pm, $2 Old School Night Red Star Liquors, U, 9pm Wild West Wednesday It’ll Do 2, C, 9pm Rockstar DJ Fat City Bar & Grill, C, 10pm I Love The ‘90s with DJ Mingram Soma Ultralounge, C, 10pm

dance music Tango Dancing Cowboy Monkey, C, 8pm Discotech: Dance Night Canopy Club, U, 10pm Salsa Dancing Cowboy Monkey, C, 10pm

karaoke Seize A Moment Productions Presents: RockStar Karaoke Senator’s Bar & Grill, Savoy, 9pm SuperStar Karaoke AnSun, C, 9pm

faith

Grad Students and Professionals Bible Study University Baptist Church, C, 7pm Bible and Brew St. Andrew’s Lutheran Church and Campus Center, C, 8pm Join St. Andrew’s Lutheran Church for a bible study at Murphy’s

Pokemon Fan Club Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 5:30pm Euchre Tournament Po’ Boys, U, 7pm, $5 CU64 Chess Club McKinley Presbyterian Church and Foundation, C, 7pm Bingo Mike ‘n Molly’s, C, 9:30pm

seniors

THURSDAY 30 live music

community

Billy Galt and Jeff Kerr AnSun, C, 7pm TwoYou Duo The Clark Bar, C, 7pm The Impalas Take the Stage Emerald City Lounge, C, 8pm

IMC Shows Group Meeting: Community Booking Collective Urbana-Champaign Independent Media Center, U, 7pm

Heels and Ties The Reﬁnery, C, 5pm, $5 Yarn ‘n Yak Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 7pm

karaoke

Storyshop Champaign Public Library, C, 9:45am, 10:30am Wrestling Fan Club Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 4pm 5th grade and up

DJ Bange Rosebowl Tavern, Ltd., U, 8:30pm Seize A Moment Productions Presents: RockStar Karaoke Fireside Bar and Grill, C, 9pm Liquid Courage Karaoke Memphis on Main, C, 9pm Seize A Moment Productions Presents: RockStar Karaoke Senator’s Bar & Grill, Savoy, 9pm Seize A Moment Productions Presents: RockStar Karaoke Bentley’s Pub, C, 10pm

community

open mic

Improv Workout Class Act, C, 6:30pm, $10

Open Mic Night Memphis on Main, C, 8pm

kids & families

Preschool Story Time Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 10am Baby Time Douglass Branch Library, C, 10:30am ARTfusion Douglass Branch Library, C, 4pm

Continuing Asana for Seniors BKS Iyengar Yoga Institute of C-U, U, 8:30am, $14 Prerequisite: Asana for Seniors

Milk and Cookies at Klub Kam’s Kam’s, C, 8pm Old-School Hip Hop Night Po’ Boys, U, 8pm Here Come the Regulars open mic Red Star Liquors, U, 9pm Open Mic Comedy Night Stitches at The Clark Bar Memphis on Main, C, 9pm The Clark Bar, C, 10pm DJ Luniks recreation Firehaus, C, 10pm, $5 after Public Skate 11pm Ice Arena, C, 7:30 pm, $2-$3 Open Deck Night Radio Maria, C, 10pm

game-playing

kids & families

fundraisers

classes & workshops Restorative Circles Presentation and Practice Group Champaign Public Library, C, 6:30pm

faith Moms and Grandmas Group University Baptist Church, C, 12pm Undergrad Bible Study University Baptist Church, C, 8:30pm

FRIDAY 31 live music Andy Moreillon Fat City Bar & Grill, C, 5pm Boneyard Jazz Quintet Iron Post, U, 5pm New Twang City Huber’s West End Store, C, 8pm TJ-Red Rosebowl Tavern, Ltd., U, 8:30pm

dj DJ Tommy Williams Chester Street, C, 9pm, $3 DJ Mella D

the217.com December 23, 2010 - january 5, 2011

Christmas break. Christmas steak. Christmas steak break.

Red Star Liquors, U, 9pm Grown KidZ Funk Radio Maria, C, 10pm Cal Emmerich Boltini Lounge, C, 10pm

karaoke DJ Bange Karaoke Phoenix, C, 9pm Karaoke at Po’ Boys Po’ Boys, U, 9pm

karaoke

stage

game-playing

Karaoke with DJ Hollywood It’ll Do 2, C, 9pm

Abe Froman Project Mike ‘n Molly’s, C, 9pm

Sunday 2

T-N-T Tuesday Night Trivia with Cara and Tanino Boltini Lounge, C, 7pm

Lunch Time Skate Ice Arena, C, 11:15am, Free-$7

live music

recreation

Live Irish Music with game-playing Emerald Rum The Blind Pig Co,, C, 5:30pm Madden Night Football It’ll Do 2, C, 6pm holidays dance music Duplicate Bridge Game New Year’s Eve at Wines Showtune Sunday Ginger Creek Shops, C, 7pm at the Pines Emerald City Lounge, C, 4pm Bingo Night Wines at the Pines, U, 9am Memphis on Main, C, 8pm stage Noon Day Celebration with a Balloon Drop and Open Stage at Red Herring kids & families Parade Red Herring Coffeehouse, O Baby! Orpheum Children’s SciU, 7:30pm Main Library, U, 9:45am ence Museum, C, 11am Drag Show New Year’s Eve CelebraChester Street, C, 10pm, $4 classes & workshops tion with The Duke of Uke Poetry Workshop and His Novelty Orchestra recreation Red Herring Coffeehouse, Esquire Lounge Inc., C, Public Skate U, 7:30pm 4:30pm Ice Arena, C, 1:30pm, $2-$3 Metaphysics Class New Year’s Eve at Joe’s Freestyle School of Metaphysics, U, Joe’s Brewery, C, 5pm Ice Arena, C, 4:20pm, $3 7:30pm Buy your tickets at Dedicated ice time for Del- To reserve your place in www.joesbrewery.com ta level skaters and above the class, call 344-2270 New Year’s Eve at Emergame-playing ald City Lounge Tuesday 4 Emerald City Lounge, C, Big Dave’s Trivia Night live music 7pm, $30-$55 Cowboy Monkey, C, 7pm Kam’s New Year’s Eve Trivia Night Andy Moreillon Kam’s, C, 7:30pm, $30 The Blind Pig Brewery, C, Fat City Bar & Grill, C, 7pm Contact 337-3300 or go to 7pm Seize A Moment Produckamsillini.com to buy tickets tions Presents: Craig social issues New Years Eve with The Gaskin and Friends Piano Man AWARE Meeting Senator’s Bar & Grill, SaCanopy Club, U, 8pm, $5 McKinley Presbyterian voy, 7:30pm New Years Eve with Church and Foundation, C, The Piano Man Santah 5:15pm Canopy Club, U, 9pm Mike ‘n Molly’s, C, 9pm classes & workshops dance music New Year’s Eve with Outbound Drive Salsa Dance Lessons: 8th Grade Dance Memphis on Main, C, 9pm, Beginners Joe’s Brewery, C, 11pm $10 Capoeira Academy, C, karaoke New Year’s Eve Party with 6pm, $5 Sons of Donald and Friends Salsa Dance Lessons: Seize A Moment ProducIron Post, U, 9pm Intermediate/Advanced tions Presents: RockStar New Year’s Eve 2011 Capoeira Academy, C, Karaoke Party 7:30pm, $5 Bentley’s Pub, C, 10pm Highdive, C, 9pm, $25 Seize A Moment ProducMonday 3 tions Presents: RockStar miscellaneous Karaoke live music African Diaspora TradiThe Corner Tavern, Montition Night and Social One Dollar Wild Moncello, 8pm Urbana-Champaign Inde- days Dragon Karaoke pendent Media Center, U, Canopy Club, U, 9pm The Clark Bar, C, 9pm 10:30pm Liquid Courage Karaoke dj Boltini Lounge, C, 9:30pm Saturday 1 ‘80s Night with DJ open mic Mingram dj Highdive, C, 10pm Open Mic Tuesdays DJ Luniks Cowboy Monkey, C, 10pm karaoke Highdive, C, 10pm Seize A Moment Produc- recreation dance music tions Presents: RockStar Lunch Time Skate Salsa Night with DJ Dr. J Karaoke Ice Arena, C, 11:15am, Radio Maria, C, 10pm Mike ‘n Molly’s, C, 10pm Free-$7

kids & families Walk-in Storytime and Creative Play Class Act, C, 2pm, $2 (per family) Wave Club Readers Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 4pm

lgbt eQuality Champaign-Urbana meeting Wesley-United Methodist Church & Wesley Foundation, U, 7pm For meeting locations and times when the UIUC is not in session, please email us at equality.cu@ gmail.com

seniors Continuing Asana for Seniors BKS Iyengar Yoga Institute of C-U, U, 8:30am, $14 Prerequisite: Asana for Seniors

community Locals’ Night Po’ Boys, U, 4pm

classes & workshops Adult Pottery Class Boneyard Pottery, C, 9am, 6:30pm, $25 For registration, please call 355-5610 Real Computing Help Douglass Branch Library, C, 6pm

faith Grad Students and Professionals Weekly Fellowship Lunch University Baptist Church, C, 11:30am

Wednesday 5 live music Donnie Heitler: Solo Piano Great Impasta, U, 6pm Live Irish Music Bentley’s Pub, C, 7pm Dave Cooper, Joni Dreyer and Brad Hendricks Senator’s Bar & Grill, Savoy, 7:30pm The Sugar Prophets Fat City Bar & Grill, C, 8pm Caleb Cook

Rosebowl Tavern, Ltd., U, 10pm

dance music Tango Dancing Cowboy Monkey, C, 8pm Discotech Dance Night Canopy Club, U, 10pm Salsa Dancing Cowboy Monkey, C, 10pm

karaoke SuperStar Karaoke AnSun, C, 9pm

open mic Open Mic Comedy Night Memphis on Main, C, 9pm

recreation

Bingo Public Skate Mike ‘n Molly’s, C, 9:30pm Ice Arena, C, 7:30pm, $2-$3 kids & families Lunch Time Skate Ice Arena, C, 11:15am, Wrestling Fan Club Free-$7 Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 4pm

game-playing

Pokemon Fan Club Rantoul Public Library, Rantoul, 5:30pm CU64 Chess Club McKinley Presbyterian Church and Foundation, C, 7pm

community Improv Workout Class Act, C, 6:30pm, $10 Please call prior to class start time to reserve your space 766-5964

buz z ’s WEEK AHEAD Candlestick Lane Lights Up Thursday, Dec. 23 5:00 - 10:00pm Corner of Grant Place & Eastern Drive, U. Free All ages I’ve driven down Candlestick Lane to look at the lights since I was a kid. It’s surprisingly cool! On the surface, it might not seem that impressive, but the whole neighborhood does an awesome job. Last year it inspired me to decorate my yard, and those lit up reindeer stayed out there until Easter. — Jeanine Russell, Food & Drink Editor

Jesse Johnson On Guitar Monday, Dec. 26 noon Illini Union Courtyard Cafe 1401 W. Green St., U When the mania of the Christmas day is over, take some time to chill out and listen to some music played by Jesse Johnson. Hosted by the Illini Union, the show will be a good opportunity to unwind from weeks of shopping, wrapping and entertaining. Or, it might even just be a fun way to combat the post-holiday blues. — Lauren Hise, Arts & Entertainment Editor

Tablas lessons Wednesday, Dec. 29 4:00 p.m. Asian American Cultural Center 1210 W. Nevada St. , U. Free All ages As far as playing instruments go, I’m pretty much a novice in every sense of the word. However, I still have a very great appreciation for music, obviously, and because of this I’m well aware of how awesome tablas are. Earlier this year I saw Gorillaz in Chicago and they brought the Lebanese National Orchestra for Oriental-Arabic Music with them and it was amazing. They had tablas players that just frankly blew my mind and if this class could teach me even a little of that cool stuff it will be well worth the zero dollars I didn’t pay. — Dylan Sutcliff, Music Editor

Ryan Groff of elsinore with santah, common loon and the dirty feathers Friday, Dec. 31 9 p.m. Mike ‘n’ Molly’s 105 N. Market St., C. $10 21+ I wanna ring in the new year with some indie rock, some blues rock and some Santah. Especially Santah. Is Common Loon going to be there? “We’ll be there!” — Common Loon. See! Common Loon! You love Common Loon! Also, The Dirty Feathers — which, if you haven’t heard, sound exactly like you’d expect. Dirty, but even cooler than an actual bird. It’s going to be the best New Year’s Eve. EVER. I’m going to drink ONE (1) U.S. Beer! I can’t wait! — Nick Martin, Community Editor

New Years Eve at Joe’s Friday, Dec. 31 5:00 pm - 2:00 am Joe’s Brewery 706 S. Fifth St. , C. $30 19+ Just like you gotta go eat at Joe’s, you gotta go celebrate New Year’s at Joe’s. I’ve never been in Champaign for New Years, but I imagine Joe’s is going to be crazy, sexy fun. Plus, you’ll have no problem finding someone to lay kisses on at midnight on the dance floor; just make sure there aren’t any herpes on his or her lips. — Matt Carey, Movies & TV Editor buzz

December 23, 2010 - january 5, 2011

DOIN’ IT WELL

the217.com

by Jo SangEr and Ross Wantland

Wall-to-Wall Communicating for a better sex life

common prescription for relationship or sexual problems is to “talk to your partner more.” Even if things are great but you want to enhance pleasure, sex columnists around the globe recommend we “communicate, communicate, communicate!” This week, “Doin’ It Well” wants to communicate with you about how we can open our hearts, minds and mouths for better sex.

It can also be a time to explore what was even a little awkward about that particular scene. Saying, “That position was fun but it was a little awkward to transition to” might open the door to stating things like “I liked it, but it was hard for me to feel stimulated.” You might check in with your partner about something new you tried. “Did you like it when I ... ?” This doesn’t have to be a long conversation or a full fledged evaluation.

It’s So Hard

Keep it Positive

Talking about sex is hard. Sure, some things might be really easy to say, but for everyone there comes a moment when something feels awkward to talk about.

Sometimes, we only think to talk about sex if something is wrong or isn’t working for us. This can set up a negative dynamic for you and your partner. Try to think about the ways you talk about sex; instead of focusing on Try to think about the ways you what you don’t like, highlight for yourand your partner what you do like. talk about sex; instead of focusing self Talk about the things you want more of in your sex life. Keeping it positive motion what you don’t like, highlight your partner and keeps your view for yourself and your partner what vates of sex positive, too. Try pointing out the things you really enjoyed and then add you do like. Talk about the things what you’d like to try. For example, if you want more of in your sex life. you really like making out, but foreplay Keeping it positive motivates your often feels rushed, state “I really like it when we kiss and touch each other partner and keeps your view of sex before sex. I’d like to do even more of that next time.” Think and talk about the positive, too. things you do want, versus the aspects There can be many reasons for this. Some- you didn’t like or enjoy. That way, you and parttimes we might feel like talking about it won’t ner can stay focused on bringing in more things help (i.e. “I’ve already told them how I like to be you both enjoy. touched.”). Maybe we worry about hurting our partner’s feelings. Sometimes we don’t want to Be Sexually Active change, we feel something is wrong with us if Taking the initiative to talk about sex is one we’re not satisfied, or we don’t want to feel the thing. But, it’s just as important to listen and discomfort of talking about it. take active steps yourself to make your sex life Whether we’re talking about sex or any other as- better. If you’ve said you’d like foreplay to last pect of relationships, all of us experience difficulty longer, initiate that during sex both verbally and to one degree or another! A first step may be to tell non- verbally. Non-verbal cues are an important your partner that talking about this stuff is difficult or aspect of sexual communication. Move a hand awkward. This also makes it clear that you’re trying, to the spot you want it or adjust your or your rather than expecting your partner to do all the work partner’s body so the stimulation feels better. to make talking about sex easier. While you might ask Remember, it’s your sex life, too. Empower for support as you work through your own feelings of yourself to talk your way to a better sex life. Create and shape it to be the sex life you want discomfort, it’s really up to each of us to get better at talking about sex. It’s not solely the job of the more and deserve! comfortable or more experienced partner. Remember, a sex life isn’t transformed overnight. As we get to know our partners and have Pillow Talk more conversations with them, the better our sex Many couples try to talk about sex before and dur- lives will develop and we’ll be better able to get ing a sexual encounter. This is great and experts our needs met. agree that talking about sex outside of the bedroom Focus on the positive and keep “Doin’ It can add perspective and reduce feelings of judg- Well.” Check us out next week as we explore ment and discomfort. However, don’t forget that our holes. pillow talk after sex can be a good time to say what you liked about the encounter. Stating aloud that you Jo & Ross like it when you communicate with them. really liked when your partner did X can reinforce for Send them a question or comment to buzzdoinitwell@ both of you the things you like about your sex life. yahoo.com.

buzz

Classifieds Place an Ad: 217 - 337 - 8337 Deadline: 2 p.m. Tuesday for the next Thursday’s edition. Index Employment 000 Services 100 Merchandise 200 Transportation 300 Apartments 400 Other Housing/Rent 500 Real Estate for Sale 600 Things To Do 700 Announcements 800 Personals 900

• PLEASE CHECK YOUR AD! Report errors immediately by calling 337-8337. We cannot be responsible for more than one day’s incorrect insertion if you do not notify us of the error by 2 pm on the day of the first insertion. • All advertising is subject to the approval of the publisher. The Daily Illini shall have the right to revise, reject or cancel, in whole or in part, any advertisement, at any time. • All employment advertising in this newspaper is subject to the City of Champaign Human Rights Ordinance and similar state and local laws, making it illegal for any person to cause to be published any advertisement which expresses limitation, specification or discrimination as to race, color, mental handicap, personal appearance, sexual orientation, family responsibilities, political affiliation, prior arrest or conviction record, source of income, or the fact that such person is a student. • Specification in employment classifications are made only where such factors are bonafide occupational qualifications necessary for employment. • All real estate advertising in this newspaper is subject to the Federal Fair Housing Act of 1968, and similar state and local laws which make it illegal for any person to cause to be published any advertisement relating to the transfer, sale, rental, or lease of any housing which expresses limitation, specifications or discrimination as to race, color, creed, class, national origin, religion, sex, age, marital status, physical or mental handicap, personal appearance, sexual oientation, family responsibilities, political affiliation, or the fact that such person is a student. • This newspaper will not knowingly accept any advertising for real estate that is in violation of the law. Our readers are informed that all dwellings advertised in this newspaper are available on an equal oppportunity basis.

Deadline:

2 p.m. Monday for the next Thursday’s edition.

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Billed rate: 43¢/word Paid-in-Advance: 37¢/word

Photo Sellers

30 words or less + photo: $5 per issue

Garage Sales

30 words in both Thursday’s buzz and Friday’s Daily Illini!! $10. If it rains, your next date is free.

Action Ads

• 20 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $20 • 10 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $10 • add a photo to an action ad, $10

December 23, 2010 - january 5, 2011

010 APARTMENTS

HELP WANTED

Furnished/Unfurnished

Full time

SEMESTER LEASES

Engineering Technician Champaign Location Apply Online: www.asc-careers.com

HELP WANTED

020

Part time

Web Application Developer Internship Part-Time, Champaign Location Apply Online: www.asc-careers.com

APARTMENTS

Furnished/Unfurnished

410 APARTMENTS

January 1 through May 31, 2011. Great campus locations. Furnished or unfurnished. 604 E Clark- Large one bedroom apartments from $525/mo. 406 E Clark- One bedroom apartments from $425/mo. Wampler Property Management 217-352-1335 www.wamplerapartments.com

410

205 EAST HEALEY, CHAMPAIGN

Fall 2011 From $785. Parking, heat, hot water, cable, internet included. 217-3676626.

2 BEDROOM CAMPUS Available August From $785/month. Include most utilities. 217-367-6626

COUNTRY FAIR APARTMENTS 1 & 2 Bedroom, furn/ unfurn, FREE Expanded 80+ Channels Cable TV, FREE High Speed Internet, FREE Water, Heater and trash removal. Off-street parking, indoor laundry, pool, tennis court. On 4 MTD bus routes. Small pet OK. M-F 9-5:30, Sat 9-12. 2106 W. White Street (near Springﬁeld Ave) 217-359-3713 www.myapartmenthome.com

Aug 2011. Huge 1 bdrm apts. Window A/C, Parking $40/mo. Rents from $435/mo to $515/mo. $50/to Furnish. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 Visit www.barr-re.com for Virtual tours and ﬂoor plans.

Available Immediately & Fall 2011 301 West Illinois, U. 3 Bedroom, $990/mo, Parking & all utilities included. Close to Campus. 601 West Springﬁeld, C. 2 Bedroom, $620/mo, parking & all utilities included. Contact Chris at 684-2226 or crpayne30@hotmail.com

Furnished/Unfurnished

410 APARTMENTS

1405-1407 W. KIRBY, Champaign Available Now. Attractive Colonial building, on busline. Interior 2 bedroom apartments from $425/mo, $50/mo to furnish. Central A/C, carpet, laundry, parking avail. Call for showing times. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our web site.

706 S. WALNUT, URBANA August 2011. Close to Downtown Urbana, 1 bedrooms from $520/mo. 2 bedrooms from $550/mo. Central A/C, Laundry. Parking. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 Visit www.barr-re.com for Virtual tours and ﬂoor plans.

808 S. LINCOLN URBANA August 2011. Classic buildingacross from Jimmy John's on Lincoln Ave. Hardwood floors, laundry. Shown 7 days/wk. 1 Bedroom + Sun Room = $575/mo. (UF) 1 Bedroom + Den = $575/mo. (UF) 2 Bedroom = $510 to $575/mo. (F) Efficiency = $390/mo. (F) Parking = $50/mo. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & floor plans visit our web site

609 W. MAIN, URBANA

Fall 2011 Apartments Efficiencies

2 Bedrooms

4 Bedrooms

104 E. John

308 E. Armory

312 E. White

105 S. Fourth

1103 S. Euclid

208/210 E. White

807 S. Locust

308 E. Armory

208/210 E. White

1 Bedrooms

312 E. White

306 E. Armory

508 S. First

1103 S. Euclid

5 Bedrooms

108 W. Charles

3 Bedrooms

104 E. John

1103 S. Euclid

103 E. Healey

1103 S. Euclid

105 S. Fourth

807 S. Locust

108 1/2 E. Daniel

208/210 E. White

Houses

310 E. Clark

312 E. White

509 S. Elm, C.

106 E. Armory

104 E. John

314 E. White

308 E. Armory

306 E. Armory

106 1/2 E. Armory

306 E. Armory

Aug. 2011. 2 bdrm Townhouses$660/mo to $750/mo. 2 bdrm aptsFurnish $610/mo to $700/mo. 1 bdrm apts- Furnish $510/mo. to $550/mo. Parking optional, central A/C. carpet, laundry, ethernet avail. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com for virtual tours and ﬂoor plans visit our web site.

Find something new to do. plan your weekend with...

THE217.COM

Furnished/Unfurnished

410 APARTMENTS Furnished

1108 S. Lincoln, Urbana Available August 2011. Classic building close to Jimmy John's on Lincoln Ave. Hardwood floors, laundry. Efficiencies - furnished rents from $365 to $385/mo. Unfurnished 1 bedrooms $575/mo. Unfurnished 2 bedrooms $750/mo. Shown 7 days/ wk. Barr Real Estate, Inc. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & floor plans visit our web site

APARTMENTS Furnished

Efﬁc/$440, 1 brm/$530-595. Quiet location, parking $40/mo. www.tricountymg.com 217-367-2009

3 bedroom/$1025 4 bedroom/$1350-1450 Parking $40/mo, furnished www.tricountmg.com 217-367-2009

203 S. Sixth, C. For Fall 2011. Large 4 bedrooms, 2 bath. Balconies, laundry, covered parking. Starting at $300/person. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

Fall 2011. Unique 1 & 2 bedroom apartments. All furnished, laundry, internet. 2 Bedrooms starting at $387/person. Parking available. Must see! THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

NEW KITCHENS 307 - 309 - Healy Court 2+3 Bedrooms Starting at $343 per person 309 S. First, C.

group

808 W. Clark, U. One Bedroom Apartment with 1 free parking spot and FREE HIGH SPEED INTERNET. Furnished with washer and dryer in unit. $600 per month. Available January 2011. ADVANTAGE PROPERTIES C-U 217-344-0394 www.advproperties.com

1007 W. Clark, U. Remodeled One Bedroom Apartment with FREE HIGH SPEED INTERNET. Furnished with washer and dryer in unit. $620 per month. Available January 2011. ADVANTAGE PROPERTIES C-U 217-344-0394 www.advproperties.com 202 East John One Bedroom on campus 344-0700 Variety of Layouts, Prices, Locations Designer Furnishings - Pet Friendly

1005 S. Second, Champaign

104 E. Armory, C. Fall 2011. Location!! 4 bedroom, 2 bath. Some skylights and ﬂat screen TVs. Covered Parking. Laundry. Starting at $375/person. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

420

Furnished

906-908 S. Locust, Ch.

602 E. Stoughton, C

705 S. FIRST, CH

theuniversity

420 APARTMENTS

www.robsapartments.com Efﬁciencies at 503 E. Clark, Champaign 2 Bedroom at 707 W. Elm, Urbana 3 Bedroom and 4 Bedroom at 506 E. White, Champaign Contact rschambers@gmail.com 217-840-5134

420

the217.com

Fall 2011 studio and 4 bedroom penthouse. Secured building. Private parking, laundry on-site. Value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182 a

2 full baths universitygroupapartments.com 217-352-3182

1 Bedroom 901 W. Springfield, U $ 540-595 911 W. Springfield, U $ 570-610 1004 W. Springfield, U $ 495-525 2 Bedroom 901 W. Springfield, U $ 740 111 S. Lincoln, U $ 795-840 3 Bedroom 1010 W. Springfield U $ 1230-1380 4 Bedroom 1010 W. Springfield, U $1840 111 S. Lincoln, U For Info: (217) 344-3008 911 W. Springfield, Urbana www.BaileyApartments.com

312 E. White 507 S. Elm, C.

Call for an appointment

351-1767 www.johnsonrentals.com rentals@ johnsonrentals.com

buzz

December 23, 2010 - january 5, 2011

APARTMENTS

the217.com

420 APARTMENTS

Furnished

420 APARTMENTS

Furnished

1-4 Bedrooms

4 Bedroom Tri-Level Townhouse

Near the Engineering Campus 217-337-1565 www.hunsingerapts.com

Balconies off Bedroom, covered parking included, A/C, dishwasher, laundry on-site. 217-337-1565

508, 510 & 512 EAST STOUGHTON CHAMPAIGN

509 W. MAIN, URBANA August 2011. 1 bedroom apts. $420/mo to $460/mo. Laundry, Window A/C, Parking, $45/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our web site

August 2011. Huge 2 bedrooms. Close to Engineering & C/S. A/C, Laundry, Parking $50/mo. Rent from $570/mo to $775/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 Visit www.barr-re.com for Virtual tours and ﬂoor plans.

420 APARTMENTS

Furnished

Daniel St. Lofts NOW LEASING

Furnished

907 W. STOUGHTON, URBANA

1006 W. STOUGHTON, URBANA August 2011. Close to Engineering campus. 2 bedroom from $950/mo. Window A/C, carpet. Parking $40/ mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our web site.

August 2011. Huge 2 bedroom apt in great location near Engineering. Central A/C, laundry. From $665/ mo. Parking $50/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our web site

1007 S. FIRST August 2011. Near First & Gregory. 1 bedroom apt from $460/mo. 2 bedroom apts from $605/mo. Window A/C, Carpet, Laundry. Parking included. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our web site

610 E. Stoughton- Apartment on Engineering Quad 2, 3, & 4 Bedrooms. Call 344-0700. $425/person Huge bedrooms and living space 811 W. Oregon- 4 Bedrooms on Lincoln. Perfect for theatre or music majors. New appliances, W/D in unit starting at $365/person Call 344-0700

Do You Want Close? Leasing for Fall 2011 Engineering Campus

Kitchens New

Illini Union 3 1/2 Blocks Mech. Eng. 3 Blocks

Close In

BIG! 106 Daniel

Urbana Locations

3&4 bedrooms

Flat Screen T.V. 4-Bedroom / 2-Bath Mardi Gras Balconies

www.universitygroupapartments.com

PA RK UT ING ILI ON TIE S I SITE NC L.

RN /U NF LA UR UN N DR A/ Y C

Spacious MISC.vaulted ceilings, 3 person spa, covered parking

1002 S. Second, C.

F ✔ ✔ ✔

Frat Park, 3 person spa, covered parking. $2,150-$2,250

305 E. John, C.

2,3

F ✔ ✔ ✔

3 blocks to Quad, jet spa, 2 story. $1,250-$1,750

59 E. John, C.

3,4

F ✔ ✔ ✔

Great price, balcony, frat row. $1,200-$1,650

801 S. Fourth, C.

2,3,4,Studio

✔

Fireplace, vaulted ceilings, 400 yds to Union, spacious. $675-$2,100

605 S. Fourth, C.

2,Studio

✔ ✔

Pet friendly, 4 blocks to Quad. $525-$1,050

310 Chalmers, C.

1,2,Studio

✔ ✔

Some new units, large rooms, close to Kams. $430-$1,000

107 Daniel, C.

✔ ✔

2 baths, balconies. $1,975

1010 S. First, C.

1,2,Studio

✔ ✔

Pet friendly, close to ARC, $400-$675

1012 S. First, C.

1,2

✔ ✔

Brand new units, pet friendly. $400-$900

605 W. Green, C.

F ✔ ✔ ✔

4 bath, new, spacious. $2,300

1105/1107 W. Oregon, U.

1,2,Studio

✔ ✔

Across from Krannert. $620-$800

1108 Nevada, U.

1,Studio

✔ ✔

Studios next to Music Building. $650-$710

107 Wright, C.

3,4,Studio

✔ ✔

Hardwood floors, vintage style, by Engineering Quad. $595-$1,500

704 W. Stoughton, U.

✔ ✔

$550-$575

209 Coler, U.

1,2

✔ ✔

$575-$670

310 W. Green U. (HOUSE)

2,4

F ✔ ✔ ✔

$1500

407 E. Stoughton, C.

$425-$600

905 S. Second, C.

2,3,4

F ✔ ✔ ✔

www.greenstrealty.com

Call 217.841.4549 or text “SL” to 217.898.9008

F ✔ ✔ ✔

# 2,3,4 BDROOMS

Digital Comp. Lab, Grainger, Siebel 2 1/2 Blocks

Office 911 W. Springfield, Urbana 344-3008 www.BaileyApartments.com

217-352-3182

905 S. Second, C.

buzz

420 APARTMENTS

✔ ✔

Furnished

420 APARTMENTS

Furnished

ABOVE JIMMY JOHN'S ON LINCOLN 805 S. LINCOLN, URBANA August 2011. Ceiling fans, window A/C. Efﬁciencies from $530/mo. 1 bedrooms from $580/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our website.

411 HEALEY, Champaign Best Location - Fall 2011 Spacious 3 and 4 bedroom apts. Fully furnished, dishwasher, laundry, leather furniture, ﬂat-screen TV and value pricing. Covered parking. Phone 352-3182. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com

Furnished

Old Town Champaign 510 S. Elm, C. Available Fall 2011. 2 BR close to campus, hardwood ﬂoors, laundry on-site, W/D, central air/heat, off-street parking, 24 hr. maintenance. Value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

2 & 3 Bedroom on Lincoln in Urbana 807 W. Oregon & 810 W. Iowa Starting at $415/person 344-0700

(217) 337-8852 www.mhmproperties.com ----------

604 E. White, Champaign Security Entrance For Fall 2011, Large studio, 1, 2 bedroom, Loft Apartment. Furnished, balconies, patios, laundry, off-street parking, value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

201 E. Armory, C.

58 E. Armory, C. 507 & 511 W. Church, C. 610 W. Stoughton, U. 1004 S. Locust, C. 1012 W. Clark, U.

58 E. Armory, C. 201 E. Armory, C. 511 W. Church, C. 604 W. Stoughton, U. 1004 S. Locust, C. 1009 W. Clark, U. 1010 W. Clark, U. 1012 W. Clark, U.

Spacious vaulted ceilings. 3 person spa. Covered parking. $1250-$2250

217-356-8750

203 S. FOURTH CHAMPAIGN

$400

$605 $475-545 $490 $520, $650 $585

605 E. CLARK CHAMPAIGN Fall 2011 1 Bedroom FREE INTERNET

205 S. SIXTH CHAMPAIGN

$855 $915 $655-715 $995 $630 - $835 $740 $830 $740 $1,260

Most apt. furnished, parking available, laundry available

(217) 337-8852 www.mhmproperties.com ----------

3 Bedroom Apartments 201 E. Armory, C.

Fall 2011 1, 2 & 4 Bedroom FREE INTERNET

Fall 2011 1, 2, 3 & 4 Bedroom FREE INTERNET

217-384-1925 Efficiency

2 Bedroom

(217) 337-8852 www.mhmproperties.com ----------

Aug 2011. The BEST LOCATED EFFICIENCIES & 1 BEDROOMS on campus - period. Here's the best part: Efﬁciencies $410/mo to $450/ mo & 1 bedrooms $560/mo to $575/ mo. Parking avail @ $40/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 Visit www.barr-re.com for Virtual tours and ﬂoor plans.

Now Renting For August 2011

Fall 2011 2, 3 & 4 Bedroom FREE INTERNET

101 E. DANIEL CHAMPAIGN

Smith Apartments

1 Bedroom

102 S. LINCOLN URBANA (Green & Lincoln)

5th & HEALEY, C.

605 S. Fifth, C. Fall 2011 5th and Green location Outdoor activity area. 1, 2, and 3 bedrooms available. Garage offstreet parking, laundry, and value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

420

www.smithapartments-cu.com

Fall 2011 3 & 4 Bedrooms BIG TV & JACUZZI FREE INTERNET (217) 337-8852 www.mhmproperties.com ----------

808 S. OAK CHAMPAIGN Fall 2011 2, 3 & 4 Bedrooms FREE INTERNET (217) 337-8852 www.mhmproperties.com ----------

101 S. BUSEY URBANA Fall 2011 1 Bedroom Apts with PAID UTILITIES! (217) 337-8852 www.mhmproperties.com ----------

805 S. LOCUST CHAMPAIGN Fall 2011 2 & 4 Bedroom Apts BI-LEVEL (217) 337-8852 www.mhmproperties.com ---------More information, ﬂoor plans, interior pictures, etc. www.mhmproperties.com (217) 337-8852

the217.com

Jiffy plus OJ equals crunchy ass jiffy juice.

Furnished

August 2011. Close to Frat Park. Large 3 bedrooms, 1 1/2 baths from $1,100/mo. 2 bedrooms from $785/ mo. Efﬁciencies from $435/mo. Central A/C, Storage units, Laundry. Parking $60/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC 356-1873 Visit www.barr-re.com for Virtual tours & ﬂoor plans.

906 S. Oak, C. Furnished 2, 3,& 4 Bedroom apartments for fall 2011. Laundry in each apartment. No pets. $760-1,360. Steve Frerichs 217-369-1182 stevesapartments.com

207/211 John C. 2, 4 Bedrooms. Great Location, onsite laundry, parking. 4 Bedroom with leather furniture plus ﬂat screen TV. Value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

702 W. WESTERN, URBANA August 2011. 1 bedrooms, window A/C, carpet/tile ﬂoors, laundry, parking available. From $435/mo to $470/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our web site

807-809 W. ILLINOIS, URBANA Aug 2011. 1 Bdrms corner of Lincoln & Illinois. Window A/C, Laundry, Rent $560/mo. Parking $50/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE INC 356-1873 www.barr-re.com

420 APARTMENTS

THE NEVADAN 903 W. NEVADA, URBANA We've redefined luxury with these spectacular 2 bedrooms/ 1 to 2 bath units built August 2007 right in the heart of the U of I campus, around the corner from Cafe Paradiso. Wallmounted flat screen TVs, wine & beer fridge, designer furniture package, W/D, buzzer entry, elevator, covered parking and MUCH MORE!!! Rent from $1,275/mo. to $1,375/mo. Call for showing times! BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & floor plans visit our web site.

ARBOR APARTMENTS, C. August 2011. 1 bedrooms at Third & Gregory. Window A/C, Laundry, Rents from $410/mo to $435/mo. Parking $40/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 Visit www.barr-re.com for Virtual tours and ﬂoor plans.

408 E. White, C. Furnished 2 & 3 Bedroom apartments for Fall 2011. No Pets. $710900. Steve Frerichs 217-369-1182 stevesapartments.com

January Leases Efﬁciency 1-2-3 Bedrooms 309 South First The University Group universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

420 APARTMENTS

Furnished

706 S. LOCUST, C. August 2011. Window A/C, Covered Parking $45/mo, laundry. Efﬁciency $320/mo., 1 bedrooms $410/mo to $425/mo, 2 bedrooms $560/mo to $570/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 Visit www.barr-re.com for Virtual tours and ﬂoor plans. Affordable, HUGE and Unique Apartments ON Campus and Pet Friendly 344-0700

101 N. BUSEY & 102 N. LINCOLN, U. August 2011. Near Green & Lincoln. 2 bedroom apts from $550/mo. Window A/C, Laundry. Parking $50/mo. Call for showing times. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our web site

GREAT VALUE 306-308-309 White, C Fall 2011. Furnished studios, 1, 2, and 3 bedrooms. Balconies, patios, laundry, dishwashers, off-street parking. Behind County Market. Starting at $265/person. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

theuniversity

group

Furnished

420 APARTMENTS

705 W. Stoughton, U Fall 2011 3 bedroom apartment. Spacious living area. Communal balcony & great backyard. Plus a bar area in kitchen, dishwasher, washer/dryer in each unit, value pricing. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

509 Bash Court, C. Fall 2011 Great 3 and 5 bedrooms, near 6th and Green. Fully furnished, dishwashers, laundry. Off-street parking. Starting at $330/person. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

404 W. HIGH, URBANA Aug 2011. Huge 2 bdrms- 1,100 sq. ft. W/D in each unit. From $710/mo to $750/mo. Parking. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 Visit www.barr-re.com for Virtual tours and ﬂoor plans.

NEW KITCHENS 503 - 505 - 508 White 2 Bedroom with den $790 3 Bedroom $830-950

420 APARTMENTS

202 W. SPRINGFIELD, CHAMPAIGN August 2011. 1 Bedroom apartments close to campus. Central A/C, dishwashers, balconies. Rent from $420/ mo. Call for showing times. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC 356-1873 www.barr-re.com

102 N. GREGORY, URBANA August 2011. Close to Illini Union. 2 bedrooms $555/mo. Carpet, Laundry. Parking $50/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-173 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our web site

Safe Quiet Street 1 block from Lincoln and Green. 1 BR, LR, kitchen, study, bath, patio, parking. No smoking, no pets. Available January. $525/mo. westernrentals705@gmail.com

John Street Apartments

Lincoln

58 E. John, C. Fall 2011. Studio, two and three bedrooms, fully furnished. Dishwasher, center courtyard, onsite laundry, central air, parking. Starting at $298/person. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

Lincoln Place Apartments

305 N. Lincoln NW Corner of Lincoln & Main, Urbana NEAR ENGINEERING CAMPUS

Contact Justin at 618-304-8562

Completely Furnished On-Site Parking & Laundry On-Site Resident Manager universitygroupapartments.com 217-352-3182

Immaculate Quality Living Choice of 18 Locations Amenities for Every Budget 24 Hr. Emergency Service www.roysebrinkmeyer.com 211 W. Springfield, Champaign 217-352-1129 “YOUR FRIENDS ARE ALREADY HERE”

Want To Save Money Next Semester?

(Available Immediately) -2 Bedroom Units -Furnished & Carpeted -Appliances & Micros -On Site Laundry & Parking -Ask Tenant Union About Us! -302 S. Fourth, C.: $700/mo. -403 E. White, C.: $700/mo. -405 E. White, C.: $500/mo. (All Rates Negotiable)

MJM/Chateau Apartments (217) 390-2377

420

Furnished

L P A

2&3 Bedrooms- Furnished Features: -Internet Provided -1 FREE Parking Space/Apt -Laundry Facilities (5) -Cable Hook-up -Carpeted -Central Air/Heat

Place Apartments

August 2011. 1 bedrooms Near Armory & Gregory. Window A/C, Laundry, Rents from $410/mo to $430/mo. Parking $40/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC 356-1873 Visit www.barr-re.com for Virtual tours and ﬂoor plans.

• •

Available August 2011. Large efﬁciencies close to Beckman Center. From $350/mo. Parking $35/mo. Window A/C, carpet. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our web site

1- 6 Bedrooms at 202 E. John Two levels of living space Affordable apartments just 2 blocks from the Quad. Call 344-0700

1107 S. EUCLID, C

•

Furnished

311 E. WHITE, CHAMPAIGN

103 E. DANIEL, CHAMPAIGN

•

420 APARTMENTS

Place Apartments

420 APARTMENTS

Furnished

-Dishwasher/Microwave -Frost-Free Refrigerator -On-Site Management -Owner Managed -NO PETS

Call 217-369-2717 lincolnplaceapts.net

Lincoln

APARTMENTS

DECEMBER 23, 2010 - JANUARY 5, 2011

WALK TO CAMPUS! •Walk to U of I Campus – Apartments & Houses only 1 to 4 blocks away! 2,3,4 Bedroom Houses •Laundry in Apartment, Furnished, Internet •1,2,3 Bedroom Apartments •2,3,4 Bedroom Houses www.advproperties.com www.advproperties.com

217-344-0394 buzz

DECEMBER 23, 2010 - JANUARY 5, 2011

APARTMENTS Furnished

420

706 S. FIRST, C. August 2011. 1/2 block South of Green. 1 bedroom $440/mo. 2 bedrooms from $485/mo. Window A/C. Parking $40/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 Visit www.barr-re.com for Virtual tours and ﬂoor plans.

509 E. White, C. Fall 2011. Large Studio and 1 bedrooms. Security entry, balconies, patios, furnished. Laundry, off-street parking, value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, Champaign THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

509 Stoughton, C Fall 2011 Near Grainger, spacious studios and 2 bedrooms, laundry, value pricing, parking. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

307, 310 E. White, C 307, 309 Clark, C Fall 2011. Large studio, double closet, well furnished. Starting from $360/mo. Behind County Market. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

203 Healey, Champaign Fall 2011. Great location on the park. Private balconies. Fully furnished 3 bedrooms. Parking, laundry, value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

506 E. Stoughton, Champaign For Fall 2011. Extra large efﬁciency apartments. Security building entry, complete furniture, laundry, off-street parking, value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, Champaign THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

111 E. Chalmers, Champaign Fall 2011 studio and 1 and 4 bedrooms. Leather furniture, skylights, off-street parking, laundry. Starting at $385/person. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

1006 S. 3rd, Champaign HUGE Fall 2011 1 and 2 bedrooms. Location, location. 3 level apartments. Hardwood ﬂoors, covered parking, laundry, furnished, patios. Value pricing. Ofﬁce at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP universitygroupapartments.com 352-3182

buzz

the217.com

APARTMENTS Furnished

420 APARTMENTS Unfurnished

3 Bedroom Tri-Level Townhouse Balconies off Bedroom, covered parking included, A/C, dishwasher, laundry on-site. 217-337-1565

LIVE WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 & 6 bedrooms at 102 E. Gregory Extra large lofts with vaulted ceilings, pet friendly Save money, enjoy new everything! 344-0700

Engineering Quad 610 East Stoughton Champaign 2, 3 Bedrooms starting 344-0700 Different Layouts, Huge Apartments, New Flooring/ Furniture

APARTMENTS Unfurnished

430 HOUSES FOR RENT

Available Jan. 1 Classic Brick Building 511 W. Nevada, Urbana 1 Bedroom. Just remodeled. New kitchen cabinets, stainless steel appliances, ceramic tile floor, marble countertops. New bath with ceramic tile on floor and walls. Private enclosed porch. New wiring and plumbing. Just painted. Oak floors redone. $725 plus utilities. Includes 1 parking space. No pets please. 217-840-9334 www.cmtapartments.com

SUBLETS

440

Sublet 1 Bedroom, 1 Bath All Utilities Included $369/mo ( 217)721-2034 52 E. John St., Champaign. 2 Bedrooms, 1 Bedrooms rjkoziel@gmail.com washer/dryer included.

430

111-121 W. Park, Urbana Available Now. 2 Bedroom Apartment Overlooking Crystal Lake Park. Adjacent to Carle Clinic and close to U of I Campus- Engineering & Computer Science. Shown 7 days a week. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our web site.

705 W. CHURCH, Champaign Avail Now. Very attractive apartments located near downtown. On busline. Large apts. Balconies or patios. Two bedrooms from $475/ mo. Call for showing times. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our web site.

722 S. BROADWAY, U. August 2011. 1 bedroom apts close to Campus. Window A/C. Rents $420/mo. Shown 7 days/wk.

BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873 Visit www.barr-re.com for Virtual tours and ﬂoor plans. 800 W. Church, C Now Available Economical 2BR, $490/mo central Champaign location convenient to shopping/transportation. Call 217-352-8540 for showing and viewing at faronproperties.com 201 W. Washington, Champaign Now Available Heart of Downtown Champaign Efﬁciency Now Available. $395/mo. Call 217-352-8540 for appointment or view at faronproperties.com

515 W. Washington, Champaign 1 BR Now Available. $420/mo. Near downtown Champaign. Call 217-352-8540 for an appointment or view at faronproperties.com

White and 6th Very nice furnished apartment with washer/dryer in unit. Appliances are modern and work perfectly. Unit also includes a small patio which is fun for get-togethers. Available for Spring and Summer 2011. Ryanpaulsullivan@gmail.com for pictures or more information.

510

4-7 Bedroom Houses Urbana 217-337-1565 www.hunsingerapts.com

508 S. FIFTH, CHAMPAIGN August 2011. 4 bedroom house w/ 1. 5 baths, W/D, big screen T.V., carpet. Rent $2,100/mo. Shown 7 days/wk. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC 356-1873 www.barr-re.com For virtual tours & ﬂoor plans visit our web site. 310 S State, C 7 BR Group House $430/person Call 217-369-2717 lincolnplaceapts.net

Campus Houses 4 to 6 persons August 2011 Clark, White Street www.mhmproperties.com 337-8852

907 W. Hill, U.

Available Now through July 2011 1 bedroom duplex, 1 block from buslines, 5 minute drive to campus, 403 N Lynn, Champaign. Must apply for Credit through landlord. 309-2580391

HOUSES FOR RENT

510

Close to Campus 311 W. Green, Champaign. 5 bedroom furnished, dishwasher, washer/dryer, fenced backyard with deck. Available August 2011, $1850/month. 217-493-4729. Campus Duplexes Houses on buslines. Nice large bedrooms. Kitchen, living room, basement. With parking. 3-4 people/unit $700/mo or individual rent. 217356-0345 10 Bedroom Fifth & University 5 1/2 Baths, 3 Kitchens 3 Living Rooms FREE PARKING Full Basement Rec-Room www.zhengrentals.com 841-5407 Fall 2011 4 Bedroom, 2 Bath, $330/bedroom. Campus Houses. Washer/dryer. 217-367-6626.

FALL 2011 Campus Houses 10, 11 Bedrooms $330/person 367-6626

GREAT HOUSES Beautiful furnished homes in old town champaign. 3-6 bedrooms from $300/person. Ted 766-5108 CU-homes.com

Very Spacious 3 bedroom house with hardwood ﬂoor throughout, washer and dryer, furnished or unfurnished, and PARKING! $900 per month. Available January 2011. Advantage Properties 217-344-0394 www.advproperties.com

ROOMS

530

Campus. Large nice furnished room in house on busline. $265/mo with parking free. 217-356-0345.

ROOMMATE WANTED 550 Available Immediately 1 bedroom in 3 bedroom condo. Colony West Subdivision Southwest Champaign. Bus to UofI and Parkland. Short walk. Parking Avialable. $425/mo + 1/3 utilities. Yvonne 847-977-4095 or Bruce 847977-1092

PARKING/STORAGE 570 PARKING AVAILABLE, Champaign Corner of 5th & Healey parking spaces available. BARR REAL ESTATE, INC. 356-1873.

the217.com December 23, 2010 - January 5, 2011

Who is Cage?

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY ARIES

(March 21-April 19)

“There’s always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in,” wrote novelist Graham Greene. I’ll add to that: There are at least three moments in adulthood when a new door opens and invites the rest of the future in. Judging by the astrological omens, I’m guessing that one such breakthrough lies ahead for you in 2011. What can you do to expedite and encourage fate’s summons? Here’s one possibility: Surrender to the naked truth of what you love.

TAURUS

(April 20-May 20)

If oil companies were given permission to sink their drilling rigs into the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, the petroleum they produced would ultimately lower gasoline prices by four cents per gallon. To my mind, that’s not a good trade-off. Let this scenario serve as a cautionary metaphor for you in 2011, Taurus. Don’t share your pristine wilderness or soulful beauty with exploitative types who offer iffy rewards. Instead, hold out for those who appreciate you profoundly and whose own gifts help you to thrive.

GEMINI

(May 21-June 20)

Freud said that among all human endeavors, there were three “impossible professions” that inevitably yielded unsatisfying results. They were child-rearing, the governing of nations, and psychoanalysis. My own experiences don’t entirely confirm this. My parents raised me pretty well and I’ve given my daughter a decent upbringing. Of the nine psychotherapists I’ve consulted in my life, two were excellent healers and none were damaging. But even those relatively winning projects were sometimes fraught with unsolvable riddles, chronic frustrations, and maddening uncertainties. I bring this up, Gemini, because I think 2011 will be a time when you will generate far more gratification and success than usual in your own versions of “impossible professions.” Unsolvable riddles, chronic frustrations, and maddening uncertainties won’t be completely absent, but they could very well be at an all-time low.

CANCER

(June 21-July 22)

December 23 - January 5

LIBRA

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

SCORPIO

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

SAGITTARIUS

w(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

The United Nations has declared that 2011 will be the International Year of Chemistry -- a time to honor the role chemistry plays in our lives. Meanwhile, you Sagittarians will be celebrating your own personal Year of Chemistry, although in a different sense of the word -- the sense that means natural attraction, spontaneous connection, intuitive allure, and uncanny synchronicity. Don’t let this abundance of grace make you overconfident, and don’t just sit back and let it run wild. Be a master chemist intent on rigorously cultivating the very best experiments.

CAPRICORN

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

LEO

AQUARIUS

VIRGO

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

An Oregon man named Don Wesson stopped his truck by the side of the road and took home a 40-pound rock that caught his eye. That was more than a decade ago. For years he used it as part of a border to prevent his dog from messing up his garden. Then he saw a TV show about meteorites and brought the rock to scientists. They told him it was a 4.5 billion-year-old meteorite that fell to earth long ago and originally came from the asteroid belt. Other experts told him he could probably sell the exotic artifact for as much as $40,000. I predict a metaphorically similar development in your life during the coming year: the discovery of a valuable old thing from far away that you will underestimate at first.

“Prez Pet Parade” — Livin’ in the White House

“Just when I found out the meaning of life,” said comedian George Carlin, “they changed it.” I’m hoping that will be one of your top inspirational jokes in 2011, Scorpio. If all goes well, you will no longer be content with all your previous answers to the question “What is the meaning of life?” -- either because “they changed it,” as Carlin suggested, or because it’s no longer interesting or useful to you. This is very good news, in my opinion. You will have the invigorating privilege of going off in search of fresh answers to the riddle of the ages!

I have tracked down a formula that I think should be one of your central ongoing meditations in 2011. It’s from newsman David Brinkley: “A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her.” In the coming months you will be extra smart about knowing which of these bricks to use and how exactly to position them in your foundation. And more than that, Capricorn: You will have special insight not only about bricks that have been flung fairly recently, but also about those that have been hurled at any time in your life.

(July 23-Aug. 22)

by Matt Jones

Richard Grossinger is my friend, my teacher, and the brilliant author of numerous books. (His latest is called 2013.) He is also a humble adept in the high art of gratitude. On his website, he has a page devoted to expressing vivid appreciation for the 71 best teachers of his life. (bit.ly/YourTeachers) His testimony is a riveting and touching reminder of how each of us is a creation of all the important people we’ve loved and hated. Compiling such a list should, I think, be a rite of passage for anyone who aspires to be an authentic human being. There will never be a better time than 2011 for you to do this work yourself, Libra.

“We have to believe in free will. We have no choice.” So said author Isaac Bashevis Singer. I encourage you to adopt that puckish thought as your motto in 2011, my fellow Cancerian. According to my reading of the astrological omens, this will be our year to supercharge our willpower and intensify our ability to carry out our plans -- but always with good humor and a highly tuned sense of irony. In fact, one of the best ways to deepen our command over our own unconscious impulses and the caprices of fate will be to take ourselves -- and everything else, too -- less seriously. The coming year will be a time to think big -- maybe even bigger than you’ve dared to think in over a decade. That doesn’t mean you should be rash, reckless, or unrealistic. On the contrary. Your expansive dreams should be carefully wrought and anchored in a detailed understanding of how things actually work. As an example of what not to do, learn from Snoop Dog. The rapper wanted to rent all 62 square miles of the small European nation of Liechtenstein so he could film his music video there. Liechtenstein authorities turned him down, but only because his team didn’t ask far enough in advance. Had he been better organized, the whole country could have been his.

jonesin’

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

The city of Stockholm, Sweden consists of 14 islands that are spanned by more than 50 bridges. It’s a beautiful, clean, culturally rich place that’s ranked among the best urban centers in the world. I’m hoping that in the coming year you will develop a certain resemblance to it. With a little luck and a clear intention to forge strong new links, you will connect the many fragmented areas of your life, creating a unified network that ensures each part is humming in resonance with the whole. In fact, let’s call 2011 your Bridge-Building Year.

PISCES

(Feb. 19-March 20)

At age 19, I wanted to be a poet when I grew up. My goal was to write a poem every day forever. And yet I had almost no ambition to get published. I was satisfied to bask in the ecstatic epiphany that accompanied each fresh poetic eruption. Then one day I was browsing in a bookshop and saw a flyer for a big upcoming poetry reading. It included every major poet in my then-hometown of Santa Cruz -- except me. I was shocked and hurt. Why was I left out? Eventually I realized it was because all the other poets listed had written a book. From that moment on I was obsessively driven to publish my own tome. A year later, after much hard work, it came to pass. I would love to see you experience a similar wake-up call in 2011, Pisces: a friendly jolt that motivates you to rise to the next level.

Stumped? Find the solutions in the Classifieds pages.

Across 1 Bullets 5 Quiet assassin 10 Bucket of chicken piece 14 Short Tim Conway character in sports-themed videos 15 Dances at weddings 16 ___-Day vitamins 17 Undulating dance 18 Athlete’s superstitious footwear from Reagan and Clinton? 20 New Mexico or Colorado county 22 Grand ___ Opry 23 Former South Korean president ___ Tae-woo 24 Board game partner from Nixon and Clinton? 29 How the apathetic feel 30 “I hate ___ to pieces!” (Mr. Jinks catchphrase) 33 Major school of Buddhism 37 Pi, for instance 38 Bust ___ (laugh really hard) 39 Dumb male hunk from LBJ and Obama? 42 Poi base 43 Charlotte ___ (clothing store) 45 Handout at the doctor’s office 47 Does some tailoring 49 “Deal ___ Deal” 50 Pasta-corn concoction from

Kennedy and Carter? 56 “Takin’ Care of Business” group, to fans 58 Direction opposite WSW 59 Response to “Swiper, no swiping!” on “Dora the Explorer” 60 Park worker’s hangout for Bush Sr. and Bush Jr.? 65 “___ Rock” (Simon & Garfunkel song) 66 Neighborhood 67 Couples, in the tabloids 68 Cub or Card, for short 69 A long time to wait 70 Oklahoma tribe 71 “What ___ is there?”

Down 1 Improvised, like a committee 2 Roof location 3 1957 hit by The Bobbettes 4 Joan ___ 5 Home of the Penguins 6 Debt voucher 7 Govt. agency that oversees reactors 8 One of the Brothers Grimm 9 It may be sought 10 Do some courting 11 How some tableware is created or etched 12 “Hold On, Hold On” singer

Case 13 Deep cut 19 Passover feast 21 “___ me” (“I’m fine with it”) 25 “In the Valley of ___” (2007 Tommy Lee Jones film) 26 Rajah’s wife 27 It’ll all come out in the wash 28 Companion of taxes 31 Dublin’s land 32 Chimney sweep grime 33 Johnny formerly of The Smiths 34 Chills and fever 35 Bribery of sorts 36 In a daze 40 Home with hay bales 41 Defunct science magazine 44 Pageant host 46 Comic strip possum 48 Company behind Hello Kitty 51 Takes five 52 River that starts in the Swiss Alps 53 “___ thumbs...” 54 Pacifies 55 Rimshot need 56 “Ratatouille” director Bird 57 “American Pie” actress Reid 61 Stove fuel 62 Princess’s problem 63 Astonished text 64 Mao ___-tung

buzz

December 23, 2010 - january 5, 2011

the217.com

AND ANOTHER THING ...

by MICHAEL COULTER

santa fraud The man behind the Christmas conspiracy I bitch about it a lot, but I really do love this time of year, what with Christmas and all that. People seem a little happier, you know, at least when they aren’t in one of those glazed-eyed shopping quests. It will be a white Christmas this year, only because I don’t think the tremendous amount of snow already on the ground is going anywhere in the next few days. It’s a happy time, but I still have a weird apprehension around Dec. 25, all because of one thing — actually, one man. The more I think about it, I’m still not completely sure this Santa Claus thing is really on the up and up. I want to believe it because he’s made out to be a pretty generous and awesome fellow. Who else could bring joy and happiness to the entire

the chimney deal sounds a little suspect, as well. Fat guy, works one day a year, is apparently able to contort his body in a way that gets him into small spaces ... those sort of things always leaves me shaking my head. I’m also not clear where he gets his apparently vast resources. Yes, I know he’s got a supportive wife and almost countless little elf helpers that help him make Christmas special for everyone, but at the very least those little folks gotta eat. Sure, they may not need as much food as a full grown person, but they are sweating their asses off in that tiny little workshop 364 days a year, so I imagine they need nourishment. Where the hell is the money for room and board coming? I sincerely appreciate that Santa doesn’t have a pain in the ass telethon every year to raise money for philanthropic venture, but I think any accountant in the world would tell you that the man is bleeding freaking cash. He also has to have the world reIt’s a happy time, but I still have a cord in “most breaking and enterweird apprehension around Dec. 25, all ing with out injury.” I grew up in the country and my dad always had a because of one thing — actually, one loaded shotgun hung on the wall man. The more I think about it, I’m still in case we had an intruder in the house. I can’t believe that somenot completely sure this Santa Claus where along the line my pop didn’t thing is really on the up and up. pump his fat ass full of buckshot at least once during my childhood. I world? Sure, Christmas is about the Jesus thing, I mean, he’s breaking in, putting the presents unmean, his name is even in the title of the holiday, der the tree, dicking around and eating milk and but I have to say, it’s a pretty complicated story cookies. He’s not exactly making the sort of quick and there’s not all that much joy in it. It’s a lot of getaway you’d expect would be required. hiking through the desert that comes to fruition From what I can tell he’s a tad bit schizophrenic with a barn birth. Let’s just say it’s not your typi- about his appearance. He generally looks pretty cal holiday fare. Besides that, we all sort of know good in the pictures I’ve seen, but in person he’s the ending of the story by now and suffice it to really all over the place. I’ve seen him in person say, it involves a cross and not a whole bunch of several times and his weight fluctuates from inhappiness. It’s a little too intense for him to be appropriately skinny to stunningly overweight. a real holiday icon. His beard can often seem real but occasionally Santa Claus, though, never meets any sort of looks like it’s not even human, as if it’s just some demise and he just gives folks a good feeling. Plus, white, unkempt hair being held on with a rubber that guy has been around forever. There are no band. I guess he doesn’t have the extra cash for crosses or beatings or betrayal, just happiness. So, a personal stylist. As you can see, there are quite a lot of inconhe’s the “feel good” icon for the season without a doubt. That doesn’t mean, however, that I’m not sistencies in this freaky figure we call Santa. Still, going to question him just a little bit about some he’s generous, fearless and, evidently, indestructhings though. tible. He makes people happy and asks nothing I know you can be a little overweight and still in return except that we all be nice instead of be considered healthy, but this freaking guy is off naughty. He sort of just makes everyone happy, the charts as far as immortality goes. It doesn’t so long as we all get the gifts we asked for at appear he gets much exercise and his diet looks Christmas. The thing is, a person can just never as if it consists primarily of candy, fruitcake and be sure. I really want to believe, but I’m also a schnapps. He’s the sort of guy who looks like he firm believer in most conspiracy theories, so I’m could have a grabber picking up a can of soda pop, really at an impasse. I guess I have to side with and he’s walking around on rooftops carrying a Santa and all the joy. Does Santa give me this big-ass bag of gifts. I don’t remember a ton about joy? Does the thought of Santa give me all this geometry, but I know you can’t push a big round joy? It doesn’t matter much either way. I’m just thing into a small square thing, so that going down glad it’s there.

buzz