Move On Magazine - Issue 2

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Join me for a FREE

28 day challenge to learn ways to overcome challenges and cope with change

YOU WILL LEARN HOW TO: 99 Stop Overwhelm By Setting Smaller, Attainable Goals 99 Breaking It Down – From Challenge To Baby Steps 99 It Will Get Easier – Getting Used To Change 99 The Importance Of Taking Time To Grieve 99 Embracing Challenges And Creating New Routines 99 Sleep On It – How A Good

Night Sleep Puts Everything Into Perspective 99 You’re Stronger Than You Think – A Look Back At What You’ve Overcome 99 Celebrate Your Victories And Successes 99 Reflect On How Far You’ve Come And Where To Go From Here

I have been where you are now, feeling hopeless and alone. Not knowing how I was going to cope with everything, but here I am now, moving on and thriving. I didn’t make it this far by giving up when the going was tough and neither did you. Join me so we can figure this thing out together! We can leave a legacy for our daughters and all those wonderful women out there. Let’s give ageism the flick and live our lives with passion and purpose. Come on, become a member of my team and see if we can’t shock a few people.

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Contents 8

70CANDLES! WOMEN IN THEIR 8TH DECADES

11 OPEN

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UP YOUR MIND, OPEN UP YOUR FUTURE

AMAZING OLDIES

21 P A U L A

26 L E A R N I N G 30 TOP

HARER: STARTING OVER AT 60

TO EMBRACE THE NEXT CHAPTER

10 SOCIAL MEDIA PROFILES

35 H O W

YOUR MIND AFFECTS YOUR BODY – AND WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!

38 R I S E 41

Move On M A G A Z I N E

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ALL RIGHTS RESERVED Reference to any specific commercial product, process, or services by trade name, trademark, manufacturer, or otherwise, does not constitute or imply its endorsement or recommendation by READ PUBLISHING. Links outside of this publication are provided for user convenience and do not constitute or imply endorsement, recommendation, or favouring by READ PUBLISHING. The publisher or any of the editors, writers or contributors will not accept responsibility or liability for the correctness of information or opinions expressed in the publication. All material submitted is at the owners risk and while every care will be taken the publisher does not accept liability for loss or damage. No person, organization or party can copy or re-produce the content on this site and or magazine or any part of this publication without a written consent from the editors’ panel and the author if the content, as applicable. The publisher, authors and contributors reserve their rights with regards to copyright of their work.

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Contributors Jane & Ellen 70Candles Jane Giddan is Professor Emerita of the Department of Psychiatry, University of Toledo Health Sciences Center and a Fellow of the American Speech Language and Hearing Association. A retired speech language pathologist, she has specialised in language development and disorders, child mental health, and autism and is co-author of numerous articles and books including Autistic Adults at Bittersweet Farms, European Farm Communities for Autism, and Childhood Communication Disorders in Mental Health Settings. With their three grandchildren in mind, she and her husband, Norman, now living in the Dallas Texas area, have written children's books including, Grackles of Green Grove Protect Their Land, and its translation, Los Zanates de Valle Verde Protegen Sus Tierras. With childhood pal, psychologist Ellen Cole, she blogs at 70candles.com and at Huff/Post50, and has conducted a series of conversation groups throughout the U.S. for women near or in their 70’s. Their book, 70Candles! Women Thriving in Their 8th Decade (www.Taosinstitute.net/70candles) is about this incredibly rich era in women’s lives. It’s available from Taos as well as in print and for Kindle at Amazon.com. Ellen Cole is Professor of Psychology at Russell Sage College in Troy and Albany, NY. She is past president of the Alaska Psychological Association and Division 35 of the American Psychological Association, the Society for the Psychology of Women. For 13 years, she co-edited the journal Women &Therapy and is currently Book Review Editor for the Psychology of Women Quarterly. In 2010, several decades after receiving her PhD, Ellen returned to graduate school to earn, at the age of 70, a master’s degree in Applied Positive Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. Since then, her research and writing have focused on positive aging. In 2016 she received the “Florence L. Denmark Award for Contributions to Aging” from APA’s Division 35. In addition to her work with Jane, she is currently co-editing a book which will be published by APA—Grey and Grit: Older Women Who Work. She and her husband, Doug North, recently moved, after his retirement, to an old and beautiful farmhouse in Berlin, NY. They have four grown children and 10 grandchildren.

70candles.com 4

@70candles

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my fingers. I loved writing, and women began to respond to what they were reading and Starting Over at Sixty was born.

Paula Harer Starting Over At 60

I moved to Columbus, Ohio from Cincinnati, to attend The Ohio State University, where I majored in Journalism, with an emphasis on Public Relations. I then worked in Media Sales for several years, married, had a baby and became a stay-at-home mom for the next 25 years, with two boys and girl. I had several jobs and a business or two of my own during that time, but the mom piece was at the top of the list of priorities. My marriage was crumbling for years and had come to a boiling point, so I began to plan. One day my husband pulled his car out of the driveway and headed off to work, I pulled a truck up, loaded it with my belongings and by the time he returned at the end of the day I was gone. I had left my husband. Fast forward to the day that I began to write about my feelings and experiences. It felt like the words were pouring out of

Now, I am thriving in my new life! I could not have ever predicted the path that my life would take and I am so lucky to be able to help other single women find that same success. I still write the weekly blog, and I have added two new programs under the Starting Over at Sixty umbrella: Starting Over at Sixty Sisters, which is a membership program that not only helps single women move forward in their lives but gives them an online community for support. And for women who want to go deeper, who want one-on-one help to get their lives progressing down the right path, there is the Starting Over at Sixty WingWoman Consulting Program. So there's something for every single woman on startingoveratsixty.com.

Seen In: • Huffington Post • Sixty and Me • ElderIndustry.com • NextTribe • BlogLovin'

startingoveratsixty.com @paulaatsixty

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Editor-In-Chief M

y name is Dot. Almost 3 years ago my husband of 53 years succumbed to cancer. Many of you can relate or have had a similar experience to this and know that the transition from wife and partner is very difficult. You know how it is - suddenly you are alone doing all the things the two of you did together, plus all those legal issues you need to deal with at this time (you know the ones - those frustrating ones which just add to your misery). I don’t know about you, but Superannuation was the thing that really did my head in, more than any other. I guess if there is a lesson here, it would be ‘seek legal advice.’ These days, I am in a better place. As with all things, ‘this too shall pass.’ So, here I am today, attending an intensive course in Life Coaching with some wonderful, supportive, young people. Although I had doubts and fears creeping in about being unable to learn again, once I took the plunge, made the decision, and stepped way out of my comfort zone, I found that it is well worth the time, money and effort. It is never too late to try something wonderful and new. No matter what it is you always wanted to do, do it

now, this is your chance! I think we are so hung up on the need to get things completed, we fail to see that it is more important to start than to finish. Even if I never get to use my (Master!!) certification, at least I was happy learning and making new and wonderful friends during the process. What makes me think this way, is that I have had two close, young, family members pass over the last year. They had so much unfinished business (my grandson was at Uni), so I figure, while I do want to see things through to completion, does it really matter? Why not just enjoy the journey? Reach out to me. Do you agree? Tell me what you are enjoying about my magazine and what you would like to see in future issues. I would love to hear from you. You can interact in my (new) facebook group. https://www.facebook.com/ groups/2337957456437696/

Dot

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70Candles! JANE GIDDAN AND ELLEN COLE

Women In Their 8th Decades

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n her move from Alaska to upstate New York, Ellen, stopped in Dallas, Texas, to visit Jane, her dearest ‘old friend’ since age 14. The pair were now approaching their 70th birthdays. They shook their heads, unable to fathom the passage of time. They did not think of themselves as ‘old,’ which was a term that conjured up memories of their own grandmother’s knitting in their rocking chairs. Still energetic and contributing members of society, but without role models, both Ellen and Jane were both haunted by negative stereotypes of old ladies. They worried about the coming decades, but had not a clue about the reality of life at 70 and beyond. Being academics, they began reading all they could find about aging in both scholarly and popular literature. They learned that there had been a gain of 30 additional years of life over the last century. They found lots of ‘old granny’ studies focused on decline, illness, decrepitude, and disability. Ellen’s husband suggested they write an article called Look At All The Pills On Granny’s Night Stand. 8

They knew there had to be more than that, so they decided to ask women themselves. They assembled groups of women in or near their 70s in cities across the country. They developed a list of questions about the joys and challenges of turning 70, and each conversation group began to develop a life of its own. Conversations were inspiring and informative—lots of laughter and a few tears, many similar issues and some unique to the individual or the community. A group of AfricanAmerican women, who grew up in the Jim Crow years, shared stories of past and present racism, and noted that ageism was not ‘their issue’. What every group had in common was valuing time spent sharing their personal thoughts, experiences, and feelings with other women of the same age. For Jane and Ellen, the next logical step, then, was to start a blog, a place where women anywhere could gather together and join the conversation, virtually. Entries could be archived for ongoing interchanges. They sought and achieved a diverse, world-wide audience

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through 70Candles.com. There are more than 600 subscribers who get email notices when there is a new post, and there are untold casual participants. These people tend to find the blog through the 70 Candles Women Thriving In Their 8th Decade Facebook page, by seeing references to it in other books and articles, by word-of-mouth, or by randomly Googling some version of ‘turning 70,’ ‘women aging,’ or ‘my 70th birthday,’ as they search for connections. Jane and Ellen were invited to post 70Candles! articles on HuffPost50, and their project was featured in two articles by Personal Health columnist Jane Brody in The New York Times. In 2015 they published their popular book, 70Candles! Women Thriving in Their 8th Decade. To support requests for the formation of 70Candles! gatherings around the country, they produced a guidebook, 70Candles! Gatherings: A Leader’s Guide, and they’ve continued to meet for lively discussions with women’s groups, book groups, newcomers’ groups, senior residential groups, senior centre groups, and more. Ellen’s most recent presentation was to a welcoming group of retired nuns in upstate New York. 70Candles! Gatherings A Leader’s Guide, is available from amazon.com to help get groups up and going. What have they learned in the ten years since this project began? Above all, they are convinced that women crave and value www.moveonmagazine.com

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opportunities to share and examine with other women all that life has to offer in this decade of their lives. Health, family dynamics, personal circumstances, finances, one’s role in society, and present and future goals all offer challenges. Transition from the world of work to retirement is a discussion common theme for community members, and Jane and Ellen noticed this takes many forms. Some make a clean break, maybe voluntary, maybe not, without looking back. Others choose a gradual approach to stopping work. Others keep on working because they love what they do, or because they need the paycheck. Grandparenting is also a popular topic. Jane and Ellen found that there are basically three kinds of grandmothers: those who move to be near their grandchildren and/or devote their lives to the role; those who love their grandchildren, but have neither the time nor interest in changing their own lives for the sake of theirs; and those somewhere in the middle.

Jane Giddan

Another major issue was the question about where to live in one’s later years. Many women stay where they are for financial reasons, for the desire to stay put, and so on. However, there is a national movement for seniors who choose to “age-in-place”. There is also what might be called a counter-movement to provide “senior living options” across the financial spectrum. Some older women, for reasons also related to finance, health or lifestyle, must or choose to leave their homes. The project is now ten years old and Jane and Ellen are close to 80. They see that the blog themes of the baby boomers now entering their 70s are much like those of the decade that preceded them. Differences in their lives lie in the proliferation of technological advances with “smart” devices everywhere, medical advances keep improving replacement of parts that can wear out with time, such as hips, shoulders, knees, cochlear implants. Ubiquitous canes, walkers and scooters are getting snazzier, and, oh yes, white hair has become the current fashion.

Ellen Cole 10

Jane and Ellen plan to provide ongoing support for the blog as they turn 80 and beyond, and expect it will evolve as stories accumulate about the wider age span. www.moveonmagazine.com


Open Up Your Mind

OPEN UP YOUR FUTURE

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W

e’ve all heard the expression ‘mind over matter’ - a very simple concept, but one with profound truth and consequences. Opening up your mind to new ways of thinking, different attitudes and ideas will literally open up the door to new and exciting opportunities and experiences. You are never too old to adopt an open mind and to experience the joys and benefits that come with it. All you need is a bit of courage and self-belief and you will soon discover that opening your mind up will bring a plethora of benefits.

HERE ARE SOME TIPS TO HELP YOU TO DEVELOP A MORE OPEN MIND. Resist negative reactions when you hear a different opinion. You might not always agree with other people’s ideas, thoughts and opinions, but the key to being open minded is to listen, understand and learn from these different thoughts. Take a moment to understand the alternative thought process and try and put yourself in the other person’s shoes and see things from their perspective. Empathy has wonderful benefits. Get out of your comfort zone. Be adventurous and inquisitive. Try new experiences and be open to new ideas and opportunities. You don’t know how good things can be if you don’t get out there and try them. If the new experiences are not great then at least you have learnt something from them and were courageous enough to try! Read, watch, listen and ask questions. The more knowledge you have on a

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variety of topics the more educated and informed you are, so read a lot, watch inspiring programs, listen to podcasts and ask questions. When you meet new people take the time to get to know them and their interests and their opinions. The more you learn the more you will understand and appreciate people’s differences. The more interested you are in other people the more interested they are likely to be in you. When you engage openly with people, they are more likely to welcome you into their world and introduce you to new people, experiences and opportunities. Keep yourself open. Be careful not to close yourself off to people or ideas when things get uncomfortable or difficult. When you are exposed to unfamiliar territory keep an open mind and try to gain insight and experience from the encounter. You don’t have to agree with someone to like them. Be social. The more that you put yourself out there, the more you will receive in return. Try new social activates that will expose you to different types of people. Join clubs, groups or engage in projects that will expand your social network. Be careful not to ‘judge a book by its cover’, some of the most exciting and interesting individuals come in all shapes and sizes! Try is before you criticise it. Don’t rely on other peoples experiences, attitudes or ideas to determine your own. If you haven’t tried it yourself, don’t criticise it. Just because one person had a certain experience, doesn’t mean that you will have that same experience too, so try things for yourself and don’t rely on other peoples experiences.

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scary but it can also be exciting as it is leaving you open for new adventures.

HERE ARE SOME OF THE BENEFITS YOU CAN EXPECT FOR FOLLOWING THE ABOVE TIPS. Release of control. When you open your mind up you are also freeing yourself from having to be in complete control of your thoughts and this can be a very liberating experience! Personal growth. Opening your mind up allows new ideas to enter and provides you with the opportunity to change how you not only view the world but also how you behave within it. With an open mind you can learn new things and learn lessons from previous experiences. Having an open mind allows you to really grow as a person and strengthens the foundations of your own beliefs, ideas and personal characteristics whilst at the same time recognising and respecting those of others. Personal growth almost always leads to the opening of new doors and a brighter more inspiring future. Newfound vulnerability. When you open up your mind to new ideas you are acknowledging that you don’t have all the answers and allowing yourself to be vulnerable to new ideas and experiences. This newfound vulnerability can be a bit

Permission to make mistakes. Though this might sound like a negative result making mistakes is only a disadvantage if you don’t learn something from them. Some of the greatest achievements in life come off the bat from some big mistakes. When you have an open mind you are allowing yourself (and others) to make mistakes and to learn something from them. Sometimes what seems, as our greatest mistake can actually become our greatest gift. Self Confidence. When you operate in life with an open mind, you are not limiting yourself to your own set of beliefs, nor are you constricting yourself to the beliefs of others. When you are not restricted in your thought process, you are open to growth and with growth comes confidence and a renewed belief in yourself and your own abilities and strengths. Being openminded breeds self-confidence. Honesty. Being open-minded means admitting to yourself, and others, that you don’t have all the answers. It involves understanding that things are not always black or white, and that there is always room for interpretation. When you admit this to yourself and accept it you are allowing yourself to live honestly and this is one of the strongest qualities that openminded people possess.

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Amazing Oldies Age is just a number and these inspiring oldies will prove just that. Enjoy the next four pages of stories from people who have lived a life full of wonderful moments and aren't stopping yet!

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s I enter my 98th year I reflect upon the happiness that has enveloped me with the arrival of my great-grandchildren and I remember so many occasions in those past years when other little children brought moments of sheer bliss into my life. These thoughts were triggered by my little greatgrandson runningtowards me in the garden with his outstretched hand ready to take mine and calling “granma, granma, come, see this”. He took me to a little fish pond in the shade of some trees and said “look gramar - A BABY FROG”!!! And sitting there quite happily sunning itself was the tiniest frog that I had ever seen, maybe knowing that he was well

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protected by the netting fastened across the fish pond. The sheer joy of my interacting with this little boy was quite overpowering. Another such beautiful happening in my life was when I boarded a bus to go from my home in the suburbs into the city of Perth. The bus

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driver picked up two passengers at one of his stops en route, a lady and a very little girl. When it was time for them to get off the bus they stood up and when they got to the step to disembark the little girl stood there and first waved to the driver and said “bye bye” at which he waved back and also said “bye bye”. Then she proceeded down the bus and did the same to each passenger in turn who also responded simultaneously. The passengers were all totally delighted at the joy which she had brought into all of our lives. A similar beautiful occasion was brought back to my mind - Following the cessation of World War Two, I was an air hostess on an Australian National Airways DC3 and flying many times interstate as a passenger, nursing a baby or in charge of a tiny unaccompanied little child, my seat being paid for by those who were sending the child. One little toddler told me on a night flight that the stars we could see through the window in the sky were little babies who had died and gone to heaven as that is what her mummy said. (Out of

the mouths of babes such wonderful unexpected beauty). On arrival I carried my little passenger down the aircraft steps to his/her waiting relatives, a lovely handover time. I felt so privileged to be part of this momentous happening. I have a life full of lovely memories of little children. Flying to Perth from Adelaide (nine and a half hours) one Christmas Day with landings at Ceduna, Forrest and Kalgoorlie we were greeted on landing at Forrest with as many outback children who could get there, as they wanted to see this big aeroplane and what it may bring. Naturally, we had presents for them all. The joy on those children’s faces was unbelievable and this memory still remains with me. Such is the magic of children.

Norma Davids

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Check out these 14 inspirational women who range in age from 65 to 76 and are breaking stereotypes about women, aging and possibilities by living life to the fullest as kite surfers. Yes, 76 and kite surfing. This is a must watch!

PROJECT 65+ is? 16

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Three centenarians are asked what their most valuable life lessons were, and also their regrets in life. The conversations that followed are remarkable.

It is amazing what you can learn from them.

LIFE LESSONS FROM 100+ YEAR OLDS www.moveonmagazine.com

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If you’re a woman over 60 who has recently experienced a major transition – maybe you’ve lost your life partner, retired from your career, or kids have left home – then I bet you could use some help. That’s what this site is about…helping you to create a new, exciting future, and to move ahead with confidence. Now I know that may not be easy. You see, as women over 60, during our lives many of us played the main support role. We were the ones who made sure things got done. Chances are, as a daughter, a wife and a mother, your role was to do what was needed – what your parents, your husband or your children wanted. Am I right? Yes it was hard work – and sometimes you did it with very little thanks – but that was your role, and you did it because it was your duty. Don’t get me wrong – it was hugely rewarding, and you probably wouldn’t change a thing. But now that the role of daughter, wife or mother is no longer there… what do you do now? It can feel like you’ve lost a limb!

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I’m 75 years old, and two years ago I lost my husband of 53 years to cancer. I nursed him for the last 12 months, so while his passing was not unexpected, it was still a shock when it happened. Suddenly I found myself in a situation I’d never been in before. Suddenly: I had to make my own decisions, without Alan to rely on I didn’t have the responsibility of another person to look after. Alan was gone, and my kids were all adults and had their own lives and families I was at a cross-roads, and confused about “what next”. Yes it was frightening at times. But it was more than just the sadness from the loss For the first time in my life, I felt that there was something inside me longing to get out. I’d spent so long playing a support role as daughter, wife or mother, for the last 70-something years I hadn’t been ME. And now I had the opportunity, I didn’t know where to start!

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Can you relate to what I’m saying? Here’s what other women I talk to say they feel: Lost, with no direction or purpose Scared that “it’s too late to do things for me” – they should have done things when they were younger Don’t believe in themselves Lack confidence Feel that they have so much to offer – that they could really “make a difference” but don’t know where to start Know they want to do something, but don’t know what that is Scared they are “running out of time” They have fears about finances or health, with no one to help Scared of making the wrong decisions, or of trusting the wrong people Feel they are being judged by friends and relatives for wanting to move on rather than continuing to grieve. What I realised is that there are lots of us out there… Women feeling that there is so much more they could do, but not knowing what or how. Older women feeling that they didn’t have the courage or the ability to stand up, get out there, and be unstoppable! And so I decided to do something about it. You see, over the last 20 years I’ve been on a journey. I’ve attended hundreds of personal development workshops, read thousands of books on the subject, and really made personal development a part of my daily routine. In my 60s I was the oldest one to do the fire-walk (yes, walking on hot coals) at a Tony Robbins event. All of this has certainly helped me in the time since Alan passed. In the weeks after the funeral I wouldn’t allow anyone to feel sorry for me – if anyone started to dwell on the loss, I would turn it around by talking positively about my future.

These days, here’s what my life is like: I still do lots of personal development courses. Recently, I was dux of the class in my Master Life Coaching, NLP and Hypnosis course I travel all over the country on my own. In the last 12 months I’ve been to many different places. I love the gypsy lifestyle! I live in a homestead on acreage, all on my own, and quite a way from the nearest town I just sold a 5 acre property I’m currently renovating the house I live in I am Editor In Chief of my own magazine, where I get to meet lots of inspiring people Now that I have time for me, I do a lot of the crafts I love, like painting and fused glass work (and yes I sell some of the pieces I create). In all, since Alan’s passing I’ve been able to create a life I love, that I’m proud of. I wake up every morning excited about the day ahead. And now I’d like to show you how you can achieve this same happiness. You see, to get from the confusion and sadness of Alan’s passing to where I am now, I applied a lot of the things I learned over the last 20 years of personal development. I’ve put them into an easy-to-use system that I guarantee will change your life. Each week I’ll send you a set of activities to do. They’ll only take you about 10-15 minutes a day. By the end of 90 days you’ll see an incredible change in your life, I promise. And the great news is, right now you can join my program for just $1 for the first month. https://howtomoveon.com/ After the first month the program reverts to the usual price of $49 a month. You can unsubscribe at any time, and stay as long or as little as you want. Here’s what you’ll get from the program: • My step-by-step system that will have

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you feeling 10 years younger in just 90 days. Imagine feeling more mentally alert, more physically fit and emotionally stronger than you have in years How to take control of all aspects of your life, so you are the “captain of your ship”. Think how much better you’ll feel when you have control of your finances, your health, your living situation, and your mental health. And you can do all this with activities that take just 10-15 minutes a day Fear keeps us stuck, unmotivated and unhealthy. To really excel you need to get out of your comfort zone and do things you’ve never done before. I share my simple but powerful system to help you build courage and confidence, making you unstoppable! The opportunity to make new friends – like-minded ones that are on the same journey as you – keen to grow, and are excited about life (and how to kindly but firmly move away from the “friends” that are sapping your energy and bringing you down) A daily success ritual that will have you leaping out of bed every morning, excited to start your day. It may seem like an impossible dream right now, but I guarantee that if you follow my system (and it only takes 10-15 minutes a day), by the third week you’ll be noticeably happier, more confident, and have a clear purpose and direction We all know how important it is to feel valued at this time of our lives. What we may not realise is that it begins by valuing ourselves. I share my simple but powerful process to overcome your self-doubts, and develop the knowledge deep-down that you deserve to be honoured and valued Have you found that as soon as you become a woman on your own, you seem to become a target for people who want to take advantage of you? Whether that’s tradespeople, financial advisors or wellmeaning friends and family. I show you how to tell the difference between the leaches and the genuine helpers – so you can confidently make the decisions you need How to create a super-strong foundation in just 90 days – one that will serve you for all the years to come. Apply it, and I

guarantee that the next 10 years will be your best 10 years. https://howtomoveon.com/ The program is all delivered online. You can access it on a computer, tablet or smart phone. After the first month the program reverts to the usual price of $49 a month. You can unsubscribe at any time, and stay as long or as little as you want. Here’s what you get: Weekly lessons that are emailed to you. Each one comes with an explanation of what we’re doing that week, and an activity book for each day’s 10-15 minute activity. With my system, from the very first day you’ll start to get more clarity, and feel happier about life Interviews I’ve done of successful people and top professionals to inspire you and help you create the future you want Access to a private Facebook group where you can meet other like-minded women who are on a similar journey to you. This is a happy, supportive environment where you can “be yourself” 12 months subscription to my magazine <insert name> with loads of great articles and inspiring success stories Right now you can join the program for just $1 for the first month. This is a limited time offer, so please don’t wait to join as you may miss out on this trial price. https://howtomoveon.com/ After the first month the program reverts to the usual price of $49 a month. You can unsubscribe at any time, and stay as long or as little as you want. Look forward to the journey with you!

t o D

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r e r a H a l u Pa

Starting Over At 60 www.moveonmagazine.com

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After a 30-year marriage crumbled, Paula Harer found herself single for the first time in 35 years. She felt like she had something to say about her experience, so started writing a blog called Starting Over at Sixty. She addresses everything from loneliness and reinvention and offers ways to create a new outlook on life. Move On Magazine talks to Paula about her journey and what she has learned along the way.

Y

ou are a champion for women over 60 rediscovering life. What led you to this point in your life?

I had been married for more than 30 years when I left my husband, moving to a one room urban loft with my dog, Red, and beginning a new chapter of life. It was a lot to process, and for a while, I just sat there, lost. I was a mess. Being single was not part of the plan. I was going to be a married mother of three for the rest of my life. Well, things changed.

Tell us a bit about your blog Starting Over at Sixty.

After about six months of settling into my new life, I was still miserable. I just couldn’t seem to get myself moving forward toward healing and starting over. One evening, when I was particularly lonely and sad, I just started typing. It all came pouring out of me: how broken hearted I was, the loneliness, the depression. I couldn’t stop the words from flying off my fingers and onto the page. It was a surprise to me that I had it all inside me waiting to pour out. So, I kept writing. 22

It felt good. Now, I write for women over 50 who are single. What are some of the issues and topics that you explore? And, what’s the main message that you want share? I cover topics in Starting Over at Sixty such as loneliness, lack of confidence, the need for new dreams and dating. I want my ladies to feel important, confident and relevant. If you are a single woman over 50, 60 or more, you still have a third (maybe even half) of your life left and I hate to see women waste that most valuable time. I feel like it’s my job to tell it like it is, while offering hope and the idea that life can still change for the better. I am good at helping other women affect change in their lives. When they read Starting Over at Sixty, they see their own story on the page. And, they see someone who was totally broken and was able to turn it around. That’s the message for sure.

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What does the future hold for Paula Harer?

My life is good and it is only getting better. I love working with single women over 50 to help them find a path to happiness and success, whatever that is for them. I get so excited when I talk with a woman who I know I can help. Really that’s what it’s all about. You talk about transitioning from “cocooning to killing it.” What are your top five tips to ensure that women can make this transition? How about I give you one tip five ways! I think the most important thing a single woman who is over 50 can do for herself is to be good at making new friends. Here are my tips for making new friends for any woman going through a change of life:

Be a joiner

There is no better way to find new friends and keep yourself motivated than to join some new organizations or social groups. I joined a new book club after I moved. I went to a new workout class where I met some new friends.

Meetups

If you don’t know what a meetup is, go to Meetups.com to find out. There is a meetup for just about any activity. You might think this is also about joining a new group, but it’s not. I wanted to meet other women over 50 who were single and I didn’t find that meetup to exist in my city, so I organized one. It was easy. We have a happy hour once a month around town. And, we have a private Facebook page where members can go to see if anyone is available to see a movie or go to a concert.

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Entertain

If you are feeling like the mountain isn’t coming to you, you go to the mountain. The first time I had a party that included my new friends and my old friends they all had a blast! The suburbs meets the urban dwellers was so fun for everyone. And, let’s face it, I got a few party invitations that were kind of reciprocal.

Volunteer

I know everyone has heard that before, but I suggest volunteering for a new organization. Do something you haven’t done before and you will meet some new friends and maybe even learn a new skill. Tell us a bit about the Starting over at Sixty Sisters Program and what women should expect to get out of it? I am all about continually moving forward. That’s evident to anyone who reads Starting Over at Sixty. Often I hear from women who are lonely and isolated. So the Sisters Program tackles both. It is a membership program that offers guided topics for the Sisters to follow throughout the month, at their convenience. All videos are on a private Facebook page, where, Sisters can not only get the updated weekly “task,” but can also make online connections and share concerns, ideas and questions in a private setting. For example, one of our topics was building confidence from the outside in, so we focused on our clothes. That might not seem like much, but single women my age walk into the room without a partner by their sides. Always! Couple that with

the fact that our bodies aren’t what they once were: I’m not talking weight, I’m just talking natural change. It can all eat away at a woman, and single women may feel it even more intensely. I told the story of attending a wedding in an outfit that just felt uncomfortable. I felt horrible about myself all night. I pulled and tugged on it continually. I was alone and seeing people that I hadn’t seen for at least 30 years. I couldn’t wait to get home and rip it off. I just felt so unhappy about myself. Then, the next morning I put on an outfit for a luncheon later in the day and I felt like a million bucks. The difference? Nothing but attitude. Nothing but what was in my head as to how I looked. I don’t want my Sisters to have that issue. I want them to feel confident about themselves as they walk out the door every day. So we spent the month working on our closets. We removed the things that make us feel terrible and said goodbye to them. Then, no matter how few pieces were left in the closets, we knew we would feel confident in what we were wearing. I know it sounds small, but it makes a huge difference when we feel good about ourselves. Now that we are feeling more confident on the outside, we can work on the inside. This month, for example, we are focused on our friendships and what our needs are in comparison to what the needs are for our married friends.

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Learning To Embrace The Next Chapter 26

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"One step at a time towards embracing this next chapter will slowly build your confidence and bring wonderful experiences into your life once again."

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f you’re recently widowed or divorced or have otherwise found yourself over 60, single once again, and ready to mingle, the thought of getting back out there can be terrifying. It’s natural to be hesitant if you haven’t dated for decades and can’t imagine the thought of being with someone new. However, keep in mind that there can be positives about starting over in later life. For example, you know who you are and what you want, you’re far less likely to take bad behaviour from others, and you probably have fewer responsibilities to juggle, leaving you more free time to explore new things.

If you’ve faced an unexpected setback which has left you in a position you never planned to be in, it’s helpful to have steps to get you back out there enjoying life again. Take your time and gradually dip your toe in the water by trialling a few different strategies. For example, before you begin dating again, get out of your comfort zone by making some new friends. Many mature women have kept the same small group of friends for years and haven’t spent time in situations surrounded by different people for a very long time. Rectify this by getting off the couch and being more social. Don’t wait for someone to come knocking

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on your door to help you get back on your feet; it’s up to you to be proactive and open to making new connections. If you’ve had to move recently, start exploring your new location. Become a regular at a local coffee shop or join a walking group that meets in your vicinity every week. Another tip is to discover if there is a homeowners’ association or

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related group in your building or neighbourhood. Joining this type of organisation can be a great way to get to know people who live close to you and are therefore practical options to spend time with. You never know what kind of invitations you might receive from taking this step. Another good way to make new friends is by exploring a hobby. For

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instance, join a bowls club, writers’ group, sewing circle, golf club or similar, or take a class in something you’d like to learn, such as a language. You can also examine community boards in your suburb to learn about interesting activities to test out. By putting yourself out there to meet new people, you will gain more confidence and improve your social skills. Plus, just by mixing things up a bit, you’ll expand your social circle. You never know who you might meet – perhaps even the perfect partner. It’s important, too, to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally, so you have more confidence to date, not to mention emotional resilience and clarity about what you want. By taking up a new exercise, as mentioned above, this can help with the physical side of things. You could also join a gym, do some yoga, swim regularly, or do Pilates. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as it helps you to be active and feel good. Also make an effort to cook healthy meals, and to overhaul your diet if it

needs it. Make one change every week and you’ll soon feel much better. Take care of your emotional and mental wellbeing by doing some deep breathing whenever you start to get overwhelmed, and learn to meditate. You may also want to chat with family or friends about how you’re feeling and the changes you’re coping with, see a mental-health professional for support, and start journaling. Free-writing, keeping track of your emotions, and noting down three or more things you’re grateful for each day, for example, can make a big difference to your state of mind. Travel is another way to get back out into the world. Make a bucket list, if you don’t already have one, of places you’d like to explore. Then, contact a travel agent for help with bookings. Remember that there are many excellent solo travel tours to join these days if you don’t feel confident going by yourself. These trips can provide you with not only a new lease on life as you see exciting parts of the world and experience new cultures, but can also provide you with an opportunity to meet other like-minded senior citizens. One step at a time towards embracing this next chapter will slowly build your confidence and bring wonderful experiences into your life once again. When we enjoy our lives, it shows, inside and out. And, you never know who might notice you along the way!

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Top 10

Social Media Profiles 30

B

eing a mature woman in a busy and ever-changing society ruled by social media, it can feel challenging to know where you fit in to it all. However, there are women all over the world spreading awareness about making your own trends and embracing who you are. By exploring different styles, there are endless possibilities to finding out who you are and how you express yourself through fashion. Let’s take a look at a few influencers who are sharing positive messages on social media to help unleash our inner-funk.

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1 ICON ACCIDENTAL

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@iconaccidental

STYLE CRONE @stylecrone

Accidental Icon is all about women’s fashion. Incorporating modern styles can feel a little challenging for women who aren’t following the ever-changing trends. Accidental Icon will show you how to spice up your look and mix your own personal style in with latest trends.

2 JENNY KEE @jennykeeoz

Jenny Kee is a fashion icon and inspiration. Her unique and funky style stands out from the crowd and screams colour, confidence and individuality. This account is perfect for those who are seeking change and might want some inspiration on how to incorporate some bolder pieces into their wardrobe.

3 SARAMAI JEWELS @saramaijewels

Saramai is all about style, new trends and feeling happy within herself. Her Instagram page is a mix of colours, simplistic living and style. She helps inspire older women explore their own personalities and uncover who they really are inside, and how to express themselves through their style.

Creator of Style Crone, Judith, has suffered losing her husband and worked through the grieving process with selfexpression. She overcame loss and pain by spreading love and embracing her unique self throughout her community. Judith aims to help older women, who have also experienced a loss, by supporting them and their journey through grief, using self-expression through fashion.

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SUSAN PIVER @piversusan

Susan Piver is helping women all over the world to embrace the ancient practice of meditation. She believes the constant struggle for older women to express themselves, especially in the rapidly changing world, can be greatly improved if they incorporate a mindfulness meditation practice in their daily lives.

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SIXTY AND ME @sixtyandme

Sixty and Me is all about encouraging women over 60 change their lifestyle and live their dreams. The founder has a goal to help them find their pathway towards their dream life.

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7 FUNKING AFTER 50 @funkingafter50

MAGDA LIFE

Suzi Grant is the founder of Alternative ageing and is a blogger, author and broadcaster spreading positivity for mature women. Her message is that you can look good and feel good at the same time. Not someone to follow the rules, Suzi blogs about her adventures in travel and fashion, hoping to inspire others to give colour a go, experiment with styles and break some rules.

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@magdalife57

Magda Life is run by Magda herself. She believes age is just a number and expressing who you are shouldn’t stop at any age. Inspiring other women with her own funky style, she not only sets an example of who you can be, but how you to become true to yourself. She posts new outfits with different colour combinations and styles on her Instagram page to get your creative juiced flowing.

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ALTERNATIVE AGEING @alternativeageing

Arlinda aspires to help older women find their own personal style by learning to understand their own individual personality traits. She expresses her own spiritual side through her wardrobe and shares daily about how other women can tap into their own personal style and have fun with fashion.

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SUZANNE BRAUN LEVINE

@SuzanneBraunLevine

Suzanne Braun Levine, is a writer, editor, lecturer, blogger and nationally recognised authority on women, families and changing gender roles. Author of "Can Men Have It All?," "You Gotta Have Girlfriends," "Inventing the Rest of Our Lives," and many other ebooks, Suzanne has gained a steady following of women going through a life transition.

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70Candles!

Women Thriving in Their 8th Decade By Jane Giddan and Ellen Cole

As they turned 70, the authors of 70Candles! Women Thriving in Their 8th Decade set out to investigate how women their age and older were living their lives. Jane Giddan and Ellen Cole sought role models for themselves and messages for the droves of baby boomers on their heels. They were curious about the challenges and joys of their age-mates, their work and retirement status, living arrangements, family and social connections, and more. This book demonstrates that 70 is part of an intriguing new stage of life, not just a birthday like any other. Informative and inspirational, it is aimed at women in and near their 70s, and those interested in this journey—men, women, family and friends.

Get a 25% discount when you buy the book by August 30th using code: 70Candles25% To order your copy visit www.taosinstitute.net/70candles.

IT MAY BE STRANGE to say this about a practical guidebook on woman and aging but this one is pure delight—uplifting, engaging and alive with the voices of wise women. My favorites are the 95-year-old who has a martini every night and goes barefoot as much as possible, and Nina, the futuristic woman whom the authors conjure as the strong, self-sufficient oldie all of us can become with the aid of technology. In 2016, the baby boomers start turning 70. No woman should take that leap without 70Candles! at her bedside. ~Letty Cottin Pogrebin, author of Getting Over Getting Older 70CANDLES! OFFERS wonderful wisdom, advice, and practical tips for making the most of life after seventy. In stark contrast to gloomy media portraits of aging, the authors show us how the later years can be filled with joy, excitement, and vibrant living. A book for every older person— and everyone who will become one! ~Karl Pillemer, Ph.D., author of 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans

Create your own 70Candles! Gathering. The Leader’s Guide to help you begin is available on Amazon. Click Here. Join the conversation online at 70Candles.com.

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The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence. - Roy T. Bennett 1939-2014 Author

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How your mind affects your body

– and what you can do about it!

H

ave you ever gotten flushed cheeks when you were embarrassed, felt shaky when you were nervous or experienced a wave of nausea when you felt uneasy? Most of us have experienced all, or at least some of these physical responses to an emotional or mental situation. Your mindset plays a powerful role in the way your body feels and its physical state. When we are young, we gloss over the link between mind and body, but the older we get, the more important it is to recognise and fully appreciate just how important our mental state is in affecting our overall physical wellbeing. Your mind has a profound effect, not only on how we think and feel emotionally, but also on how our body responds physically. The better we understand the direct connection between mind and body, the better we can control it and use the connection to create positive outcomes. The first thing to determine is exactly how your mind and emotions affect your individual body. Everyone responds

differently to life’s experiences. Some people can handle stress well, whilst others can feel easily angered or anxious about the same situation. Get in touch with how your body responds and reacts to various situations. How do you react when someone is angry with you? What happens when you get irritated or frustrated? How does worry affect you, physically? What do you feel when you are running late or stuck in traffic? Do you react well to change? Your body responds in its own unique way to how you think, feel and act. When you are stressed, anxious, nervous or upset, your body reacts accordingly, indicating that things are not as they should be. Some people experience tension headaches or develop high blood pressure, whilst others might experience more extreme physical reactions like stomach ulcers or even a heart attack.

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Understanding how and why your body reacts to various situations is the first step in addressing your minds direct connection with your body and actively stopping it from doing harm. You need to recognise your emotions and understand why you are having them. Determining the cause of sadness, stress and anxiety in your life can help you to manage these emotions and minimise the physical effect that they have on you.

Here are some things that you can do to help manage the mind/body connection. Express your feelings in appropriate ways. One of the worst things that you can do is to keep your feelings bottled up inside. It is important that you are able to discuss how you are feeling but you need to be able to do this in a calm and appropriate manner. Leaving things to fester will result in an explosion of emotions, so it’s best to deal with issues as they arise. Taking care of the little things as they arise will prevent big things from building up.

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Live a balanced life. One of the best ways to improve your mental wellbeing is to focus on the positives in your life. It is important to try and keep things in perspective and not to obsess over the negatives or problems you are experiencing. Don’t pretend that they don’t exist but equally don’t let them dominate your life. Some research has shown that adopting a positive mindset can actually improve your quality of life and actually give your health a boost. Try to let go and let go of some of the things in your life that are causing you stress and making you feel anxious. Try to make time for and focus on the things that bring you joy and happiness. Use calming techniques. Relaxation techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, yoga, Tai Chi and listening to music can be very effective ways to calm your body and reduce stress and balance your emotions. Seek professional advice. If you feel like your emotional or mental health is having a direct affect on your physical wellbeing, then it is essential that you seek professional assistance and guidance. Speak to your local GP and they will be able to refer you to the relevant specialist that will be able to guide you along the right path. Never ignore your feelings – especially when they are taking a physical toll on you. Develop resilience. Resilient people tend to deal with stress in a more productive and healthy way. Some people are naturally resilient, whilst others need to learn it as a skill. Learning to adopt a positive view of

yourself, being able to easily adapt to change and learning to keep things in perspective will help you to deal with negative emotions and minimise the physical effect that they may have on your body. Make yourself a priority. To have good emotional health, you need to look after your body. The two go hand in hand. It is essential that you eat well, exercise regularly and do not use drugs or abuse alcohol. What you put into your body and how you treat yourself directly impacts how you feel and in turn how you process and react to emotional situations.

The mind has a direct effect on your physical health in many ways. Poor emotional health can weaken the body’s immune system. Poor emotional health can also cause you not to take care of your body in the way that you should, as you may not feel like eating properly or exercising regularly. It might also affect your sleeping patterns and how you function on a day-to-day basis. By recognising how your body responds to different emotional situations you will be able to prepare it and anticipate its response and put in place various techniques to minimise any negative effects. Never underestimate just how powerful the mind is and how it directly affects your physical being!

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e n i h S d n a e Ris 3 things successful people do before 9am

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t’s time to make mornings your new best friend! Hard as it may be, utilising the mornings can be the key to a happy, successful lifestyle - something we can probably all agree was on our list of resolutions this year.

Rising early is a common trait found in many of the most successful and influential people for instance, Bill Gates was up every morning at 6am; Richard Branson wakes up at 5.45am; and for Jack Welch GE’s CEO: 5am. So we thought we’d explore some of the things successful people do before 9am.

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1

Exercise

Whether it’s a morning yoga session or a trip to the gym, exercising at the start of the day gives you a boost of energy for the day and that deserved sense of accomplishment. Anyone can tackle the day after 10 ab reps! Morning workouts also eliminate the possibility of falling asleep on the lounge after a long day with grandchildren. Even if you aren’t bright eyed and bushy tailed at the thought of a 5am jog, try waking up 15 minutes early for a quick bedside set of pushups or stretching.

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Eat a healthy breakfast 2

It’s easy to rush out the door with a cup of coffee and tell yourself you’re not hungry, anyway. Then you get to where you are going, and you’re already wondering how early that little cafe opens up across the street. No good. Take that extra time in the morning to fuel your body for the tasks ahead. Not only is breakfast good for your physical health, it is also a good time to connect socially with your kids or your grandkids before heading out the door.

Map out your day 3

Maximize your potential by mapping out your schedule for the day, as well as your goals and to dos. The morning is a good time for this as it is often one of the only quiet times a person gets throughout the day. While scheduling, don’t forget about your mental health. Plan a 10-minute break after that stressful meeting for a quick walk around the block or a moment of “me time”.

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How to Make the Most of New Opportunities in

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Y

ears ago, there was a bit of stigma surrounding trying new things in later life. Seniors kept to their usual routines and had to play it safe as society seemed to think they weren’t young enough to be offered exciting, challenging, opportunities. Today, though, mature women literally have the world at their feet. There are plenty of opportunities to get out of a rut and push themselves to do different things throughout this chapter of their lives. Women over sixty and seventy are getting back into the workforce or launching their own companies, speaking publicly, trying new hobbies, travelling the world, meeting new people, dating, and much more. However, while you no doubt have access to more opportunities than you ever thought at this age, it’s likely you will also feel a little hesitant about grabbing them. Saying yes can feel daunting and put you well outside your comfort zone. If you’re currently trying to decide whether or not to say yes to an opportunity, perhaps because you think you’re too old,

too inexperienced, not fit enough, or not brave enough, don’t let yourself down. Be open to opportunities and find ways to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’.

Consider What Excites and Motivates You Firstly, since we all have a limited reservoir of willpower, use yours on the things that count. Don’t feel like you necessarily have to say yes to every opportunity as doing so will probably overwhelm you. Instead, write a list of the different types of challenges, tasks, outings, jobs, events, and occasions that excite and motivate you. Consider what has meaning for you, not for others. When it’s time to evaluate your choices, check them against your list to see if they match up with what you’ll find exciting and motivating. If they do, this can be a helpful prompt to say yes.

Be open to “opportunities

and find ways to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway.’

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Think about the Best and Worst Case Scenarios Another way to make the most of new opportunities, rather than saying no straight away, is to evaluate potential outcomes. It’s natural to think about the potential negatives immediately, but if you do this, stop to consider how likely these scenarios are and some of the ways you could mitigate the risks. Furthermore, if the worst did occur, would that really be the end of the world? It’s like you could cope with the consequences and feel at peace about at least having a go. Don’t forget to pay attention to the positives that could come from saying yes, too. Many women don’t factor these bestcase scenarios in, but by doing this they limit themselves. You’ll likely get many benefits from agreeing to the opportunity at hand, so this is what to concentrate on. Keep in mind that most people at the final stages of their lives regret the things they didn’t do, rather than the things they did.

Build Your Confidence Of course, to do things you haven’t done before and take calculated risks in later life, you’ll need to work on your confidence. Boost your self-esteem and it will be much easier to say yes to opportunities. A key way to increase confidence is to make a list of all the things you have accomplished throughout your life, particularly those which you didn’t think you’d be able to do. Once you look at how much you have achieved, often overcoming great odds, you will see you have more abilities and ‘moxie’ than you give yourself credit for. You can also boost confidence by taking care of yourself physically (e.g., exercising,

getting enough sleep, eating well, getting a makeover, and the like), surrounding yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself, and meditating regularly.

Avoid Perfection Women often fall into the trap of feeling that they shouldn’t start a new project or activity unless they can do it perfectly or contribute 100 per cent of the time. However, this kind of thinking isn’t helpful or factual. No one expects you to be perfect, and it just isn’t possible, either. Replace perfectionistic thoughts with more realistic, helpful statements. Practise saying positive things to yourself daily, such as “All I can do is my best, and that’s enough” and “Everyone is human”. As for your level of commitment, before you say no to an opportunity, investigate it thoroughly. You may learn that it won’t require as much time and energy as you thought.

Start Small If you want to say yes to an opportunity but are fearful about doing so, combat this by starting small. For example, if you want to join a new social group, let yourself go only once per week for starters, or push yourself to attend an event for a single hour. By giving yourself an escape hatch, this makes the task more mentally and emotionally achievable. Test out opportunities to see if they’re for you, and if they’re not, that’s okay. At least you tried, and you can move onto the next thing on your list and see if the fit is better elsewhere.

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