LIFESTYLE
How To Heal After Sexual Assault by: David Essel
recover from incidences that literally can
held against not only her father but herself for
tear themselves down in regard to self-con-
over 20 years.
fidence and self-esteem. And the best news
The following steps will work with everyone
that I can offer all sexual assault victims to-
but my recommendation is never try to do this
day is that you don’t have to come to closure
at home on your own.
with the perpetrator. You can actually heal
Find a professional to take you through these
without ever being in contact with the person
steps with them:
who molested you or bullied you in the past. For the last 28 years, number one best-sell-
I once worked with a woman from Indonesia
1- We have all of my clients write letters of
ing author, counselor and life coach David
who couldn’t understand why she continued
anger, rage, resentments and more at the
Essel has been helping people from all over
to choose men who were both emotionally
perpetrator. It doesn’t matter if it was a bully
the world to learn how to heal if they were a
and physically abusive… Until we got into the
at school who made disparaging remarks about
victim of sexual assault.
deep work regarding sexual harassment and
their weight and or hair or if it was someone
Sexual misconduct or sexual assault can
incest.
that groped you at a concert or worse.We ask our clients to write letters that they will never
come in many different varieties and forms. The most obvious would be incest and/or
As I took her through our 2 steps to healing,
send anyone but they do share them with me
rape. But there’s also bullying, which consist
she started to remember how when she was
during our sessions in person or via phone or
of derogatory remarks and so much more.
a little girl her uncle would make lewd re-
Skype in order to have one other person wit-
“From the Bill Cosby case to the most
marks to her about her cute little dress, the
ness what they went through.The point of this
recent Judge Kavanaugh allegations.
pretty bows in her hair, and much more.At the
exercise is to reach a space called desensitiza-
Sexual assault and sexual misconduct is
time all she knew was it felt uncomfortable…
tion where we can talk about the assault, the
making the headlines of the news almost
But the longer we worked together then she
rape or the incest… Or any other form of sexual
every day. Over 28 years ago, I worked with
also remembered when he would follow her
assault… Free of emotion, just simply the facts.
my first sexual assault victim, a rape victim,
into her bedroom in the daytime and while
With one rape victim I worked with, it took us
and it opened my eyes to what’s needed
everyone else was outside at the barbecue
almost one complete year of writing these let-
to do in our world to help individuals were
he would make her lay in her bed with him as
ters on a daily basis for her to reach this deep
victims of sexual assault. After that, I have
he held her close saying inappropriate things
level of desensitization and when she did her
worked with gay, lesbian and transgender
to this little girl as well as touching her in in-
life radically changed for the better.
individuals who have been on the receiving
appropriate ways.
She was able to get off of all anti-depressants,
end of derogatory remarks, bullying, and
When she was able to tie it all together it
all anti-anxiety medications, and all sleep med-
even physical punishment. I’ve worked with
made total sense that she would choose men
ications… And two years after our work ended
incest victims. As well as men and women
who were unsafe because of this childhood
she came back to me to ask me how to get back
who were groped at night clubs as well as
experience of sexual assault.I also helped a
into the world of dating.
grocery stores.
woman who had beensexually assaulted by
Unheard of! Unless you do the work I’m
her own father for 11 years, who had buried
talking about here.
Will it ever end?
it in a corner of her mind for over 20 years,
I don’t think so. At least not in my lifetime.
leading to an immense amount of weight
2- The second step, is a tricky one, where my
But there are things we can do if we have
gain, low self-confidence and low self-es-
clients write letters of forgiveness specifically
been the victim of sexual misconduct in the
teem.
to the perpetrator of the sexual assault for
past.And while it’s not easy work, it is
Although she had worked with other profes-
weeks and sometimes months on end.
absolutely necessary to do in the presence
sionals before she had never gone through
And why do we have them write letters of
of a professional, someone like myself who
the training that we do, the 2 step training,
forgiveness? Because we know that when they
has been doing this for years and years, com-
listed below, to help her finally get rid of the
are free of their own resentments, rage and
mitted to helping people of all genders
stigma, resentments and rage that she had
more… They are free as human beings.
