First Steps WASHTENAW Ann Arbor
Parenting Pathways A bimonthly publication of the Ann Arbor Public Schools • March–April 2011, Vol. 10, No. 4
Ten ways parents encourage kids’ quarrels 1. Have unclear rules about toy ownership. 2. Disregard children’s boundaries. 3. Respond more when children quarrel than when they cooperate. 4. Let unskilled kids work things out. 5. Disregard children’s feelings. 6. Blame children for your feelings. 7. Model “arbitrary or punitive” ways to solve problems. 8. Ignore family rules when you are tired or stressed. 9. Accept “it was an accident.” 10. Fill children’s schedules with many activities and transitions. No parent wants their children to quarrel, but who among us has not fallen into one (or more) of these traps? See inside for ten great tips on how to DIScourage quarreling . . .
Marj’s Corner Siblings are the theme for our newsletter this time and I know not everyone has one . . . or more! The suggestions for “What to do instead” from page 3’s 10 Ways Parents Encourage Kids’ Quarrels apply in many relationships from parent & child to between friends so I hope it is interesting even if your family has only one child. Keep bringing slippers to keep your feet warm (and our floor cleaner). When it is muddy please take your wet/muddy boots and shoes off and leave them outside in the hallway or just inside the door. This keeps our floors dryer, cleaner and safer which especially helps our crawling babies – and our custodians! Feel free to bring along your slippers to replace your boots or just wear your socks if you prefer.
Scholastic coordinator found! Thank you to several of you who spoke to me about taking on this volunteer job. Vidya Guruprasad has agreed to be our new coordinator. She is working with Laurie during the rest of this school year so next year goes smoothly for her. Thanks, Vidya!! Another way to enjoy spring! Do you ever wish you could use our big playroom at the Family Center for a playgroup for you and a few friends with toddlers? I’m beginning a new offering for First Steps families. Our room may be rented for 1 hour for $50. Up to 8 children may attend with a parent or caregiver for this fee. Our room is available Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday afternoons between 3:30 and 5:30. Questions? Call or email Marj.
News to Use
Make A Book with Your Child
Make-up Policy
2775 Boardwalk Dr (Family Center)
Possible classes for make-ups are posted on our website and in your classroom by the second week of classes. Make-ups must be arranged 24 hours or more ahead. Look on the website under Classes. Then call or email Sherri and let her know your plans and we’ll let the teacher know you’re coming. Please do not just come to a class. You may do two make-ups during the Spring session for each class you take. Make-ups are also given any time we cancel a class. If there are extenuating circumstances (many illnesses) please call and discuss them with either Sherri or Marj. Thank you!
$2 Material Fee
Birthday Parties!
Sleep & Routine
Interested in renting a wonderful space for your child’s birthday party? Try our classroom at the Family Center as it’s a great place to have a relaxed celebration with your family and friends. We supply a staff person to make sure things go smoothly and to provide a short circletime for some entertainment. The cost is only $115 for a 1½ hour party. Our room is available on Saturday afternoons or late afternoons or evenings during the week when we do not have classes. This is available to First Steps families, not the general community, and all proceeds are used to purchase new equipment for our rooms. Please call Sherri at 994-2300 x53186 to find out more.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011 6:30-7:30 pm
Scholastic Books Look for March/April flyers in your classroom and check it out online too at Scholastic’s website at www. scholastic.com/bookclubs. Use the Class Activation Code GJW4K and follow the directions. Order form(s) may also be turned in to Sherri at the First Steps office with a check. Please make checks payable to Scholastic (not First Steps). If you have any questions, contact Laurie Wilson, First Steps Scholastic Coordinator, at 975-6896 or laurie@pop-mart.com.
Upcoming dates: • February 28: Sign-up for Spring began • March 10: Make A Book (3–5 year olds only) • March 15: Sleep & Routine
March 10, 6:00 – 7:15 p.m.
We had so much fun we’re offering it again! Mary Roderique, literacy consultant and FS parent, will help you and your 3 to 5 year old child make a special book together. Create a story idea, then share the pen with your child to write and illustrate your story. Finally bind it—that’s the coolest part! Please do not bring younger siblings to this workshop. Limited to 12 children so register early with Sherri: 9942300 x53186 or email firststeps@aaps.k12.mi.us
Family Center – 2775 Boardwalk Dr. Alice Carter, BSN, MPH and former Parent Educator Join us for an evening discussion on sleep and routine. We’ll include sleep requirements for various ages, giving up naps/ quite time, going to bed and staying in bed, common nighttime fears and nightmares, and bed wetting. To register, please call Sherri so we have enough handouts. Childcare is available for 10 children for $3/per child. Children should be 18 months or older. Please register by March 14.
Rainbows & Raindrops: Movement Fun with Jen Tuesday, April 26, 2011 6:00 - 6:45 p.m. Family Center, in the gym Come explore the colors of the rainbow through movement and music, using a parachute, bubbles, ribbon dancers, and more! Jen Morse, teacher of our Sing Along class, leads us in all the fun. All ages welcome! Limited to 20 families so register early with Sherri: 9942300 x64186 or email firststeps@aaps.k12.mi.us
• March 26: Winter session ends • March 27–April 8: No classes, Spring Break (2 weeks!) • April 9: Spring Session begins (Saturday!) • April 26: Family Fun Night • May 5: Kindergarten Readiness
Did you know? Advertising dollars help pay for newsletter distribution costs. Contact Marj Hyde for information about placing an ad in Parenting Pathways.
Ten great tips for discouraging kids’ quarrels 1. Clarify family rules about toy ownership. Do toys and games belong to the child they were given to or to the family? Can you play with a toy someone else left in the living room? Who decides when toys and clothes are outgrown and what happens to them? There are many reasonable toy ownership rules. Anger is increased by rules that seem different for different children. Post the rules on the refrigerator so everyone can remember what they are. (For nonreaders, illustrate the rules.) 2. Respect children’s personal boundaries, and require others to. When you pull Heidi’s braids even though she doesn’t like it, or make Peter kiss Grandma, you teach children they don’t need to respect others. Instead, refrain from pulling Heidi’s braids and ask Peter to blow a kiss to Grandma. 3. Spend time with your children when they are pleasant. Children need to feel that they belong in the family. They will do whatever they must to get a parent’s attention — even misbehave. When you respond primarily to quarreling, you get more bickering. Make time to give each child some unstructured time alone with you each day. (Research has found that 15 minutes a day reduces quarreling and whining.) In addition, teach children ways to get attention constructively. For example, they can draw a picture or ask to help. You can find more ideas in What About Me? 12 Ways to Get Your Parent’s Attention (Without Hitting Your Sister). 4. Teach kids negotiation skills. Children need to know how to resolve conflicts. Asking unskilled children to solve their problems often leads to aggressive behavior or practice being incompetent. One way to teach problem-solving skills is to read the Children’s Problem Solving series to children. Each book introduces a problem and prompts children to think of the consequences of different actions. For example, I Want It focuses on ways to get a toy truck. 5. Teach children ways to deal with their feelings. Children’s tantrums are often frustrating or scary. Parents sometimes deny their child’s feelings or try to change them. “Fixing” the situation prevents the child from learning how to deal with the feelings himself. Instead, teach children constructive ways to deal with their feelings. A child can take five deep breaths or stomp his feet instead of hitting when he is angry.
For more ideas, you can read the Dealing With Feelings books together, or, Feelings for Little Children board books for toddlers. Each book offers children a variety of healthy ways to respond to strong feelings. When your child is calm again you can introduce ideas and play games with the Self-Calming Cards. 6. Acknowledge your feelings. When you blame children for your feelings (“You make me so mad”), children learn to blame each other for their feelings. Instead, you might say, “I feel angry when I hear so much noise.” 7. Model cooperative power. The “tools” you use when you are upset are the same ones your children will try with each other when they are upset. If you threaten your son when you want him to do something, he will probably threaten his sister when he wants her to do something. Instead, offer children choices. For example, say to your six-year-old, “Do you want me to help you take a bath or do you want to take a bath alone?” 8. Provide predictable consequences for breaking family rules. Ignoring the rules, even when you’re tired or stressed, tells your children that the rules really don’t matter. Instead of pretending you didn’t see one child hit another, you might ask the hitter to do a kindness for the hurt child. 9. Require kids to be responsible for their behavior, accident or not. When you accept “It was an accident” without requiring the child to remedy the situation, she learns to be careless. This carelessness leads to conflicts when she borrows from a sibling. An appropriate response would be, “I’m glad you didn’t do it on purpose, and how are you going to fix it?” For example, if Stacy knocked her brother’s blocks down, she might help him rebuild them. If the child cannot fix her accident, some restitution needs to be made. 10. Plan “down time” for your children. Avoid filling their schedule with activities, no matter how fun or educational. When children’s days are highly scheduled, they do not have the time to unwind and relax. They don’t have time to think through issues that trouble them. When children are stressed, they are more likely to quarrel. Material derived from Help! The Kids Are at It Again: Using Kids’ Quarrels to Teach “People” Skills by Elizabeth Crary. Qwik Sheet copyright © 2008 by Parenting Press. For more great tips and resources visit www.parentingpress.com.
First Steps in Ann Arbor 2775 Boardwalk Ann Arbor, MI 48104 website: www.aaps.k12.mi.us/firststeps.home First Steps phone extensions: 994-2300 x
Email addresses: @aaps.k12.mi.us
Marj Hyde, Director ................................ 53179 Sherri Polovick, Registration & Billing .... 53186 Ann Stalhandske .................................... 53182 Shanda Trent .......................................... 53187 Yvette Daniels ........................................ 53181
hyde firststeps stalhans trents danielsy
WISD consultants: Su-Fen Lin .....................sufen_lin@yahoo.com Asian populations Mayra Prince ............................(734) 528-5066 Spanish speakers Karma Basha ............................(734) 434-2443 Arabic speakers Newsletter editing & design services donated in part by Pilcrow Text & Design Parenting Pathways is published bimonthly by the Ann Arbor Public Schools
TLC
Coping with reactions to a new baby Not quite ready for the article about sibling quarrels? If you’re expecting your second child you’ll want to be prepared for your older child’s response—which may not be so enthusiastic. Don’t be alarmed if news that a baby is coming, or, later, the baby’s arrival, prompts your older child’s behavior to regress a little. He may demand a bottle, ask to wear diapers again or refuse to leave your side. This is his way of demanding your love and attention and reassuring himself that he still has it. Instead of protesting or telling him to act his age, simply grant his requests, and don’t get upset about it. A 3-year-old toilet-trained child who demands a diaper for a few days, or the 5-year-old who wants his outgrown security blanket for a week, will soon return to his normal routine when he realizes that he now has just as important a place in the family as his new sibling. However busy or preoccupied you may be with your new arrival, make sure you reserve some special time each day just for you and your older child. Read, play games, listen to music or simply talk together. Show him that you’re interested in what he’s doing, thinking, and feeling, not only in relation to the baby but about everything else in his life.
OPEN HOUSE
Thursday ADVENTURE March 10 PRESCHOOL 6:30 pm @
Trinity Lutheran Church 1400 West Stadium Blvd., Ann Arbor, MI 48103 Contact person: Barbara Daniel Ph: 734.662.4419 E-mail: preschool@trinity.org
Bring the family, tour the school and meet the staff! (In case of inclement weather, please call first)
web: trinityaa.org