RECOVERY
WINTER 2016
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
CONCURRENT DISORDERS The fight between mental illness and addiction.
SUBOXONE
Safe, Comfortable Opiate Detox.
FENTANYL
Overdose rates on the rise in Canada.
ve For O
ears r 40 Y
Thorpe RECOVERY CENTRE
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
Concurrent Disorders IN THIS ISSUE CONCURRENT DISORDERS
Concurrent Disorders describes a condition in which a person has both a mental illness and a substance abuse problem.
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SUBOXONE FENTANYL DIET & NUTRITION FAMILY INTENSIVE
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When Mental Illness & Addiction take hold.
She lived in terror for 8 years as she watched her son Daniel struggle with mental illness and drug addiction.
What Was Lost.
The havoc addiction wreaks on the family. “I was surprised to hear my mother mention ‘damaged’. I had always had the perception that once she got sober, everything felt right to her.”
RECOVERY M
A G A
Z
I
N
Impact of Diet and Nutrition on Recovery.
E
Thorpe Recover y Centre P.O. Box 291, Blackfoot, AB T0B 0L0
PH: 780.875.8890
Toll Free: 1.877.875.8890 w w w.thorperecover ycentre.org
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12
14
In order to help people recover, it is important to understand the impact of nutrition.
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
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Suboxone for Safe, Comfortable Opiate Detox
Information on the Thorpe Recovery Centre’s Suboxone protocol in our medically supported detox program.
FENTANYL - Rate of overdoses in Canada rising. Not since OxyContin has the medical field seen this type of substance abuse epidemic with such extreme negative consequences.
rs 0 Yea ver 4 For O
Thorpe RECOVERY CENTRE
Living your life in addiction is very difficult. But...You are not alone.
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Thorpe Recovery Centre offers the environment and client centred programming necessary for you to begin your road to sobriety and recovery.
Dangerous... Women Drinking Like Men
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If you are female, middle aged and have a job, you may be among the heaviest drinkers in North America.
The physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and financial costs of addiction are enormous and widespread, affecting individuals, families and communities across Canada. Even those who have not experienced substance use, gambling or sex addiction are likely to have family, friends or colleagues who have.
Facing My Mental Health Issues
I started using heroin when I was 13 years old...I used drugs to self-medicate my mental health issues.
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Call today: 780.875.8890 www.thorperecoverycentre.org
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THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
Mrs. Teressa Krueckl
Mr. Scott Abel
Mrs. Suzie Le Brocq
Executive Director
Operations Director
Clinical Director
Thorpe Recovery Centre
Thorpe Recovery Centre
Thorpe Recovery Centre
With over 13 years of combined experience in management and nonprofit agencies, Teressa Krueckl joined Thorpe Recovery Centre in 2012 and was appointed Executive Director in September of 2013. To improve the quality of life in her community Teressa has also participated in the coordination of a local community drug coalition and has held volunteer board positions in crime prevention initiatives. Currently, Teressa is a member of the Lloydminster Border City Rotary Club and continues to engage in community and fund development opportunities through the Centre.
As Operations Director, I am responsible for playing a key role in both the long term and short term strategic decision making here at the TRC, as well as overseeing the administration of subordinate managers with the Maintenance, Human Resources, IT and Administration departments. In addition to overseeing the day to day operations within these departments, my years of training and experience as a Chartered Professional Accountant assist me in providing financial leadership which includes managing budgets, overseeing the accounting and payroll functions, conducting forecast analyses, monitoring corporate credit and preparing the month end and fiscal year reports for both the Senior Management team as well as the Board of Directors.
Suzie Le Brocq is the Clinical Director of the Thorpe Recovery Centre. She has a lifelong passion for working with people. Suzie values every therapeutic experience that she engages in and maintains a level of humour, honesty and integrity in her work. Training in both the UK (as a native Brit) and North America, her career in the field of addiction and eating disorders has taken her to Europe, North America and the South Pacific. She has an extensive understanding of the treatment of addiction from a number of different treatment modalities and methodologies.
As Executive Director Teressa is responsible for working with the Board of Directors to develop and execute a strategic plan that advances the Society’s mission and objectives all the while promoting revenue, profitability and growth of the organization. Teressa also coordinates the Senior Management Team ensuring the organization is operating efficiently, providing quality services and utilizing cost-effective management resources. Teressa is honoured to be a part of the Centre’s 40 year legacy. “The work inside the Thorpe is always inspiring. The Thorpe Recovery Centre offers an opportunity for individuals and families to find healing from addiction and grow in recovery.”
4
Having grown up in Lloydminster and continuing to live here and raise my own family, I have always heard about the Thorpe Recovery Centre. Since joining the TRC Senior Management Team, my eyes have been opened to a whole new world and a greater appreciation of just what a wonderful facility we have, including the people that day after day work hard to help the clients who have come to us for treatment.
Suzie has 15 years global experience, working primarily with individuals and families dealing with addiction (drug, alcohol, gambling, process and sex addiction) as well as individuals suffering with an eating disorder. She works predominately with a cognitivebehavioural model of therapy, focusing on the relationship between a person’s thinking, emotions and behaviours. Suzie also takes a ‘trauma informed’ approach to her work with addicts and their families and she has a good understanding of the 12 Steps. She has experience in working with individuals, group therapy, inpatient continuing care, intensive out-patient program, drug monitoring and clinical consultation.
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
Concurrent Disorders. “A person with a mental health problem has a higher risk of having a substance use problem, just as a person with a substance use problem has an increased chance of having a mental health problem.� Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA)
Concurrent disorders describes a condition
how many people have a concurrent disorder
in which a person has both a mental illness
because
and a substance use problem. This term is
populations and utilize differing screening tools.
a general one and refers to a wide range of
Further, people with concurrent disorders are
mental illness and addictions. For example,
frequently misidentified as diagnosis can be more
someone with schizophrenia who abuses cannabis has a concurrent disorder, as does an individual who suffers from chronic depression and who is also an alcoholic. Treatment approaches for each case would be quite different.
studies
examines
different
difficult because one order can mimic another. Relapse rates for substance use are higher for people with a concurrent disorder, as are the chances that symptoms of mental illness will return for those with a concurrent substance use problem. Depending on the setting, prevalence
Another term for concurrent disorder is comorbidity.
existing
In the United States, the terms
rates for concurrent disorders have been found to range from 20 to 80 percent.
dual diagnosis, dual disorder or mentally ill chemical abuser are used to refer to
What is known conclusively, however is that people
concurrent disorders.
In Canada, dual
with mental illness have much higher rates of
diagnosis usually refers to someone with
addiction than people in the general population.
a
Similarly, individuals with an addiction have much
mental
disorder
and
a
co-occuring
development disability. It’s challenging to determine conclusively
higher rates of mental illness than people in the general population.
One large US study found
that approximately a third of people with a mental
5
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
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or alcohol disorder had a concurrent disorder, and of the people with drug problems had a mental disorder. A
smaller
study
in
Edmonton,
Alberta had similar findings.
In this
study, almost a third of mentally ill individuals also had a substance use problem, almost a third of those with alcohol dependency also had
What Do you Say to the Person who Thinks Addiction is a Choice? By Amy Baumgardner
a psychiatric diagnosis, and among
How do you respond when someone looks at you and laughs when
illicit drug users, almost half had a
you use the words alcoholism and disease in the same sentence? Not
mental illness.
everyone will agree that addiction is a disease. Can you deter them from judging you for your illness? Does it matter? Regardless of whether someone believes alcoholism is a choice or a disease, the causes of addiction are deeply rooted within the individual.
Don’t Don’t Let Let Another Another Day Day Slip Slip By By Without Without
HELP
Unless a person is willing to seek help for addiction and its underlying causes, it’s inevitable he or she will suffer from the symptoms. For me, the most terrifying companion of my addiction was depression. For many addicts there is a definite connection between the two, as there was for me. Early in my drinking, I found I was using alcohol as a means to relax, decompress or drown my sorrows. Anytime there was a major stressful event, like a break-up or an argument, my alcohol was there. A few beers always took the edge off just enough so I could negotiate the pitfalls of my day. The tranquilizing effect of alcohol gave my emotions a time-out so I could regain some control, or so I thought. Did my drinking cause my depression or did my depression cause me
Let’s Let’s Talk Talk 1.877.875.8890 1.877.875.8890
to drink too much? It is quite possible that both my drinking and my depression shared some environmental factors that triggered both conditions simultaneously. Anytime I met with conflict or discomfort, I sought refuge in a drink. Although I would feel a release, that release was short-lived. Before I knew it, I was ingesting more and more to get the same effect. No doubt about it, alcoholism can cause serious damage to a person’s life. It wasn’t long before I was in deep financial, relationship and legal troubles.
Not to mention the moral and ethical dilemmas I created.
My poor choices and crippling hangovers threw me into a downward spiral of depression and self-defeating behaviours. And now my genetic
6
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
makeup may influence me towards
I was miserable, sad, overwhelmed
circumstances slowly improved and
both
and hopeless; in a word, depressed.
I was guided through my depression
Because
into recovery.
depression
and
chemical
dependency?
of
these
despondent
feelings, I chose to self-medicate We can also find studies showing
instead of seeking help from a
No
increased
consumption
professional bad decision. Drinking
addiction and depression, today
has neurotoxic effects on the brain,
made my circumstances worse; and
I feel good about my life and the
effects which increase the risk of
the worse things became the more
direction in which it is heading. I no
depression.
I drank. I ignored my emotions and
longer ride the wave of despair. I
wished they would go away.
stand confidently in my own skin
alcohol
Great,
wonderful,
marvelous, good to know...but what does all this mean?
From what I
matter
the
causes
of
my
and am living the life I had always
have read, this may mean there is
Once I was ready to admit I had a
a correlation between substance
drinking problem and was willing
abuse and a substance-induced
to talk with someone about it,
mood disorder. I was not surprised
my outlook on life, though not
to find my own addiction’s co-pilot
necessarily
was depression. During my drinking
improved.
my
circumstances,
Over
time
imagined. Amy Baumgardner is an author, freelance writer and truth-teller. She is committed to her recovery and sharing her message of faith, hope and forgiveness.
my
You are a REAL LIFE SAVER! Who knew saving a life could be so rewarding. How you donate is up to you. You can give a lot, a little, all at once, or in monthly installments. Save a life by giving to the Addictive Disorders Program or Health & Wellness Initiative; save a family by giving to the Family Intensive; or ensure someone undergoing detoxification is in a safe and warm building by giving to the Capital Fund. The choice is yours.
giving@thorperecoverycentre.org Toll Free: 1.877.875.8890 www.thorperecoverycentre.org
Years er 40 v O r Fo
Thorpe RECOVERY CENTRE
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THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
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When Mental Illness & Addiction Take Hold. Barbara Theodosiou with Kelly Wallace CNN (CNN)
Barbara
Theodosiou
at the other end
anxiously awaited each text and
of the line. She
call.
immediately
Still, her stomach turned
every time her phone would ring
called out to her
or vibrate. Every time there was a
husband
knock at the door.
on the phone with
to
get
her. “I never wanted Sometimes, she would even turn
to be alone to find out
her phone off at night -- the fear of
something happened to
getting that life altering news was
Daniel,” she said during a
too much to bear. She lived with
phone interview from her home
that terror for eight years as her
in Davie, Florida.
son Daniel a boy whom she says “painted, wrote poems and told
Being an addicts mom: “It’s just a
his mother endlessly how much he
very, very sad place.” It was the
loved her,” struggled with mental
call she feared most. Daniel, just
illness and drug addiction.
23, was gone. He had drowned in Florida’s Inter-coastal Waterway.
8
Barbara Theodosiou says her son
Her life, like the lives of parents
Danial was a victim of a “broken”
too numerous to count who have
mental health and criminal justice
also lost children to addiction, was
system.
forever changed.
In April, after Daniel had gone
“There is no peace for me ever
missing for about a week, her
again. This is a life sentence,” she
phone rang with a police sergeant
said in a speech paying tribute to
her son during a special event in her town in honour of The Addicts Mom, the Facebook community she founded in 2008 to support families battling the disease of addiction. “It shocks me. It crushes me.
It steals my soul,” she said.
“There are no breaks, no holidays, there is no solace here. And I spend every second wishing I had my son
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
before drugs.” But, despite her grief
Her eldest son Peter, now 26, started
ADHD and suggested medication,
-- and perhaps because of it, she is
using prescription drugs and then
but
more determined than ever to make
escalated to heroin.
He has been
it. Her brother was a heroin addict
sure that Daniel’s life was not lived in
in recovery for 4½ years , graduated
and she worried about her children
vain.
college and plans to start graduate
taking medication and eventually
school in the fall.
becoming addicted.
story and raising awareness to help
At 15, Daniel started what’s called
“My kids were young. I didn’t really
people dealing with both mental
robo-tripping, where he would take
want to start them on medication.
illness and substance abuse and
large quantities of cough medicine to
I was really scared,” she said.
pushing for reforms in schools and
get high. Theodosiou believes Daniel
now wonders about that decision.
prisons to make sure they get the
turned to cough medicine, when he
“It might have been effective, but I
treatment they need.
continued to abuse until his death, to
don’t know, I’ll never know.”
Theodosiou
decided
against
She is now committed to telling his
She
cope with the pain of mental illness. The numbers don’t lie -- mental illness
Ever since Daniel started elementary
Theodosiou
and substance abuse often overlap.
school, he struggled socially, said his
mental health resources in Daniel’s
Nearly
mom.
schools.
9
million
people
have
He was bullied, ostracized,
says “When
there
were
students
no
would
concurrent disorders, meaning they
disruptive in the classroom. By middle
complain about him, he would be
have both a mental and substance
school he was sad and becoming
put in detention, sitting by himself in
abuse disorder.
angry.
another room. Years later, he would
However, only 7%
of them get treatment for both
begin to tell me that really broke
conditions, with a staggering 56%
Barbara Theodosiou says her goal
him,” she said. “As he started to use
receiving no treatment at all.
Add
now is to make sure Daniel’s life was
drugs, what he would say to me when
in a justice system that isn’t always
not a life lived in vain. “I took him to
I would go to the hospital... ’Mom, I
equipped to handle mental illness,
a psychiatrist at the tender age of
only want to be normal’.”
and you have a recipe for disaster,
12,” said Theodosiou. “There was no
Theodosiou says.
definitive diagnosis.”
Interviewers Note:
The Addict’s Mom
Was it:
People who are mentally ill and abuse
I got to know Theodosiou last year
•
Attention-deficit disorder?
substances are at “increased risk
as I reported a lengthy story on the
•
Hyperactivity disorder?
of impulsive and potentially violent
mothers of addicts, revealing how
•
Obsessive-compulsive disorder?
acts,” according to the National
they cope with the incomprehensible
•
Bipolar disorder?
Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI).
challenges
•
Aspergers Syndrome
They are less likely to achieve lasting
of
supporting
their
addicted child while not enabling their disease.
sobriety,
more
likely
to
become
Theodosiou says she’ll never know
physically
for sure because as Daniel started
substance of choice and to end up
Theodosiou came to this mission
abusing drugs, he was never sober
in legal trouble from their substance
not by choice, she says, but after
long enough to really get to the root of
abuse, according to NAMI.
learning -- during a six month span --
the problem. When he was younger,
that two of her children were addicts.
one doctor said he might have
dependent
on
their
9
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
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A Story of Mental Illness & Addiction By Susan Mifsud, In Supportive Minds
Who am I and why would you want
In the Fall of 2007 I heard Margaret
about my ability to manage my
to read my story?
I am no one
Trudeau speak about her mental
illness. Then, as it happens in life, I hit
extraordinary -- a single mother
health struggles. Her story resonated
my literal bump in the road.
of two young adult sons; a middle
with me, and after so many years of
aged
denial, I realized depression wasn’t
In 2013 I found myself dealing with
career; a voracious reader and so-so
a temporary state for me.
I made
debilitating anxiety as a number
housekeeper. I’m also someone who
changes in my home and work life.
of struggles took their toll on my
kept her mental illness and addiction
When my energy was low I reached
mental and physical health. Perhaps
a secret for many years. In my life, I
out to my friends for support.
I
the hardest of all to handle was
have been an unwilling passenger
walked regularly, monitored my sleep
helplessly watching my older son’s
on the roller coaster of depression:
patterns - neither too much nor too
heartbreaking battle with his own
the low lows, the trip to the doctor’s
little - and tried to maintain a healthy
mental health issues.
office, the medication, the belief
balance of work and play. Then I took
using the coping strategies that I
that I was ‘well’ and no longer
another step: I started to tell people
knew worked for me, I started to
needed anti-depressants (stopping
that I lived with a mental illness.
self medicate with alcohol as a way
woman
with
a
successful
sometimes with and often without
Instead of
to numb pain and stop my racing
my doctor’s knowledge), and the
I spoke about my challenges and my
thoughts. My new definition of work
inevitable downward spiral.
recovery.
Instead of the negative
life balance was doing both equally
response that I had feared, I received
poorly and I was back on the roller
At my worst, I lost interest in everything
words of encouragement and many,
coaster: alcohol dulled the anxiety,
that brought me joy.
I became
many stories of family, friends and
but it always returned tenfold the
panicked at even the thought of
people I knew who also lived with a
next day. In my moments of clarity, I
having to meet with people at work
mental illness. The conversations were
would recognize the pattern, resolve
or socially, would bolt from wherever
heartbreaking, inspiring and freeing.
to stop drinking. Then, the hamster on
I was and eventually take to my
Sometimes people would say to me
the wheel in my head would become
bed. I told everyone that my Crohn’s
that I didn’t look like a depressed
too much, and only alcohol could
disease was in flare-up; which was so
person;
put me to sleep for a few short hours.
much easier than admitting to myself
person, with a depressive disorder. I
or others that I was dealing with a
had several years of relative stability
I was deeply ashamed and while
mental illness.
and perhaps even got a little cocky
I continued to be open about my
10
I told them I was a happy
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
depression, my alcohol abuse was a brand new secret to keep. Sometimes blessings arrive in ugly brown paper wrapping: a car accident and arrest
My Story of Recovery - Anonymous, The Fix
There is nothing like being
I was diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was 19 and it took years to
handcuffed in the back of a police
educate myself about the perils of addiction that went along with it so
car
clarity
well but, I kept asking questions of professionals to get the information
about how out of control your life has
I needed. I was a top student in high school and I enjoyed learning.
become. My salvation was two-fold:
Then I found marijuana, mushrooms, alcohol and LSD, my life slowly
I did not hurt myself or anyone else
changed from being an overachiever to a girl who barely could function. I
and my hidden drinking was no longer
knew something was wrong because my self judgment and boundaries
ignorable.
disappeared. I acted differently, lost friends and despite all the warnings
for DUI. to
provide
complete
I was able to attend a
day treatment program that focused
went to party after party to get high. I quickly spiraled out of control.
on life skills and coping strategies. Almost a year later, I still attend their
When I got my diagnosis of schizophrenia I did not think to change my
aftercare program where I note that
life. I still drank heavily with friends and continued to do drugs. I did
many of the participants also have
not even have a glimpse of hope or recovery. I didn’t even know the world
concurrent disorders.
existed outside of myself and circle of drug using friends. I did not know the concept of health and making sane choices, but learned about that as I
Who am I? I am one of the ‘one in
participated in programs. I did not know what volunteering was or how to
five’.
get a job, but was taught that by the supportive people around me that were
I am passionate about the
removal
of
stigma
and
helping
there to help me recover.
others, but believe me when I say it is not all altruistic. Secrets make us sick
Darkness and chaos was my life back then, but now I make choices that
and each time I tell my story, I remind
benefit my life and I set goals that I know I can achieve. It took years to
myself that whenever I deny my
undo the damage of a lot of wasted time. I missed out on so much because
illness, I open the door for depression
I made the choice to follow a dragon of misery.
and his close friend alcoholism to silently creep back in and start to
While I was doing drugs my symptoms never ceased, and when I came down
control my life.
from a high or alcoholic stupor they would get worse. I never got the full value of my meds during these times and looking back I know the clean
I hope that my story will contribute
life is the better life. I now stay abstinent from drugs and am relatively
to opening the dialogue towards
system free. I also use a lot of coping strategies like deep breathing and
removing
shame
relaxation to stay that way. It took some awesome role models and some
that surrounds mental illness and
great resourcefulness for me to find the right programs and get the right
addiction.
Please check out the
help to overcome my demons. I know it can be done, and I know it is my
http://healthymindscanada.ca
responsibility to make it happen with the supports my community has to
for more stories and information on
offer. I live and breathe “Hope” now and want others to know they can get
concurrent disorders.
out of the darkness and live a happy and productive life free from unhealthy
site:
stigma
and
addiction. My support system and the love and compassion of my family and doctors keep me on a wellness path. 11
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
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What Was Lost The Havoc Addiction Wreaks on the Family. By Peggy McGillicudy, Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation I had a recent conversation with
assumed that AA was the answer,
making new friends and forgiving
my mother about the evolution of
nothing else was needed. Now I see
herself for mistakes she had made.
addiction treatment. She broached
newly sober women in my work who
the topic, having just attended a
are taking advantage of everything
A divorce from my father seemed
training session at the addiction
treatment has to offer.
They are
to solidify her new life apart from us
centre that she works for. My mom
including their family, their kids in the
and my brother, my sister and I were
is a substance abuse counselor and
process. I try to imagine what would
left to deal with the aftermath. I was
also has 30 years of sobriety through
have been different for our family if
thirteen and my family had splintered
AA. She was remarking on how much
I had that opportunity. There would
apart.
things had changed since she got
have been much less damage done
newfound connection to the world,
sober thirty years ago.
to my relationship with you kids.”
we floundered.
“You know, I have to remind myself to
I was surprised to hear my mother
For the next fifteen years, we all
be open, that there is no ‘one way’
mention “damaged”. I had always
seemed to take turns at our own
for someone to obtain recovery. I
had the perception that once she got
breakdowns
got sober through AA and I used to
sober, everything felt right to her. It
somehow forging ahead with life.
be judgmental about people who
had seemed to me that my mom had
Alcoholism, denial and divorce had
needed treatment.
simply moved forward, attending AA,
wreaked havoc on our emotional
12
I mean, I just
While Mom revealed in her
and
catastrophes,
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
lives and it wasn’t until I was thirty
trigger is the shame and guilt people
to begin with. I grieve more for the
years old that I sought help for myself.
feel over the potential damage they
in-between time, the lost, floundering
I had spent many years being angry
have done to their kids. These feelings
years of messiness after my mother
at, yet yearning for, my mother.
are often the reason that parents
stopped drinking, when the rest of
refuse to include their children in the
us fumbled along, pretending that
recovery process.
none of it had ever happened.
I
The stigma around
It
was too painful to talk about and we
women with addiction is great, and a special kind of judgment is often
“They’re too young...they don’t know
didn’t know any better. The wounds
the extent of my addiction” and
were raw and there seemed to be
“They’ll think I’m a bad parent; it will
nobody willing or able to guide us
make things worse”
are frequent
into our own recovery. Instead, we
The look in their eyes
continued to acquire layers of pain
reveals the extent of their pain. I try
and misunderstanding, resulting in
to gently explain that dealing with
guilt, shame, sadness and a heaviness
it sooner rather than later can be a
that seemed to never go away.
statements.
reserved for mothers.
remedy for a world of pain tomorrow. longed for a positive relationship with
I am a great example of this.
My mom is right;
her, but I had been too focused on
the opportunities
in treatment for the whole family
the fact that she “chose” alcohol
Addiction wreaks havoc, not just
will make a world of difference.
(and then her sobriety) over my
on the afflicted person, but on their
our entire family had received help
brother, my sister and me.
most cherished loved ones. I spent
instead of just my mother, things
a good deal of my youth and early
would have been very different.
The
stigma
around
women
If
with
adulthood assuming that I had been
addiction is great, and a special
abandoned, that my mother “chose”
Recovery should never be about
kind of judgment is often reserved
alcohol over me, that she had left
one person - it’s about the collective
for mothers.
us because we hadn’t mattered.
group, the family...and even the kids.
I realized after this
I
conversation that while I had always
was
been preoccupied with my own
that affirmed this for me, and even
grief over the loss of my family, I
had a few well meaning therapists
had rarely considered my mothers.
(with no understanding of addiction
What must it have been like for her
- and there are lots of those out
to lose her children? To be labeled
there) confirm this misconception. I
website at
the ‘bad guy’? Mom rarely speaks
have yet to meet any parent who
www.thorperecoverycentre.org
of these feelings to me. Most likely
has consciously made the “choice”
because she feels a strong sense
between drugs and alcohol or their
of boundaries and of not wanting
children.
bombarded
with
messages
her kids to be burdened with her emotional baggage.
Check Out Thorpe Recovery Centre’s Family Intensive on our
Family Intensive Dates February 11 - 14, 2016
When I think about what happened in my family, there is still so much grief.
From my work with children and
But this grief is not over the fact that
parents, I know that a huge relapse
we ever had to deal with addiction
13
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
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Impact of Diet & Nutrition on Recovery In order to help people recover, it is important to understand the impact of nutrition.
It is astounding to
consider that only fat contains more calories per gram than alcohol. As a result, while drinking, addicts experience
a
sense
of
fullness
having eaten very little or nothing. These “empty calories� lead to poor
a poor
eating habits and malnutrition. Drug
appetite.
abusers experience a similar affect.
As
Alcohol and drugs actually keep
they have a special
the body from properly absorbing
need for foods that are
and breaking down nutrients and
high in nutrients to rebuild
expelling toxins. This leads to a host
damaged
of health problems.
regain
a
result,
tissues,
organs
appropriate
and
functioning
of the various systems including The essence of recovery is changing
the nervous and gastrointestinal
negative behaviours into positive
systems.
ones.
Good nutrition, relaxation
and exercise all play an important
Every
role in successful change. Learning
struggles
to make healthy food choices is
use
important to achieving a healthy
Research has shown that
lifestyle.
a diet with the right types of
Because their
they
diet,
have
addicts
neglected experience
newly
with
alcohol
high
recovering
addict
cravings and
protein
to
drugs.
and
high
carbohydrate rich foods can make a big difference.
gastrointestinal disorders such as diarrhea, constipation, an inability
Food
to digest foods properly, along with
with amino acids, deficiency of
14
affects
mood.
Along
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
nutrients like folic acid and the other B-complex vitamins also have a
•
Go decaf. The caffeine found in soda, tea and other drinks are stimulating. It can trigger mood fluctuations that make it harder to resist cravings for alcohol or drugs.
•
Avoid sugary foods and refined carbohydrates. Use extra caution if you have a sweet tooth or gravitate toward refined carbohydrates such as pastries, cake or white bread. Like caffeine, sugar and refined carbohydrates can cause mood fluctuations that may make it harder for you to make healthy choices. They also provide empty calories that fill you up and make you less likely to eat the nutrient-rich foods your body so desperately needs.
•
Eat antioxidant-rich foods. Antioxidants play a vital role in boosting your immune system. They help protect cells from free radical damage that can lead to cancer. Fruits and vegetables are jam-packed with their powerful nutrients, making them a good choice for rebuilding a strong immune system during your recovery. Add fresh fruits (apples, strawberries, blueberries, etc.) and raw or lightly cooked vegetables (broccoli, peppers, carrots, etc.) to your daily diet. As a bonus, these nutrientdense foods help restore your skin and hair, which often visibly deteriorate when you’re using alcohol or drugs.
•
Power your body with protein. When it comes to nurturing a recovering brain, protein is a key building block. If your liver is not too badly damaged, quality proteins will help it become more efficient. Just be sure to choose healthy, easy-to-digest protein sources like fish, poultry and beans.
•
Fill up with fiber. Since alcohol and drug abuse upset your digestive system, adding fiber to your diet will go a long way towards helping your body recuperate. Start replacing white flour foods with 100% whole grains. Brown rice, black beans, artichokes, peas and whole grain pasta will also provide valuable roughage for your system. To jump-start your fiber intake, consider using an over-the-counter fiber supplement.
serious and negative impact. Sugar and caffeine can contribute to mood swings, so intake of both should be reduced during the early stages of recovery. Alcohol
and
drugs
prevents
the
body from properly processing two important amino acids, tyrosine and tryptophan. They are responsible for the production of norepinephrine, dopamine
and
compounds that
are
serotonin.
are
The
neurotransmitters
essential
for
emotional
stability, mental clarity and a general state of well being. Decreased levels of these neurotransmitters negatively affect mood and behaviour. Tyrosine
is
a
precursor
neurotransmitters and
to
the
norepinephrine
dopamine
--
chemical
messengers that promote mental acuity
and
alertness.
It
is
a
nonessential amino acid found in protein-rich foods such as meat poultry, seafood and tofu. Tryptophan
is
integral
to
the
production of serotonin, which has a calming effect and is important for proper sleep. It is found in foods such as bananas, milk and sunflower seeds, as well as turkey meat. The following guidelines will provide a starting point to begin revitalizing your body, your brain chemistry and your self-esteem with proper nutrition.
• Be a smart snacker. Eating regular, healthy snacks that contain some protein will help regulate your blood sugar. Stable blood sugar levels help keep your mood stable. In other words, light snaking, or mini meals, will reduce those between-meal mood dips that make it harder to resist the craving to use. Light snacks for someone in alcohol or drug treatment might include a handful of nuts, a hard-boiled egg, or fresh fruit with cheese or yogurt. • Do a diet do-over. With all the damage addiction does to your body, it may be necessary to consider a complete diet overhaul. For example, some recovering addicts have transformed their physical health with a macrobiotic diet. This diet focuses on creating a healthy, balanced body by eating only unprocessed, organic foods. Whole grains like brown rice, millet and rye, as well as vegetables, fruit and soup make up the bulk of a macrobiotic way of life. As with any diet, it’s always wise to talk with your doctor before starting. True recovery from substance abuse is about restoring your mind and your body. Good nutrition is one of the best ways to replenish a body that’s been ravished by addiction.
15
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
Thorpe Uses Suboxone For Safe, Comfortable Opiate Detox
At Thorpe Recovery Centre, clients
debilitating
opiate
opiate agonist that was originally
who are looking to withdraw from
addiction. Our medical staff assess
developed to treat pain syndromes.
opiates can do so safely and
the client’s need for Suboxone and
Suboxone
comfortably through the use of
determines the appropriate course
receptor in the brain, which is the
Suboxone,
of treatment.
same receptor to which morphine,
a
medication
that
virtually stops withdrawal symptoms from opiate drugs such as Vicodin,
effects
of
to
the
opioid
heroin and other opiates bind.
What is Suboxone?
heroin, codeine, morphine and
16
binds
What makes Suboxone unique and
OxyContin. The drug is only used
Suboxone is approved to treat
valuable in addiction treatment
during the detoxification period
withdrawal from opiates and is one
is that it is a partial agonist.
so that once a client is stabilized,
of two forms of the medication
means that at low doses, it acts
he or she can be free from the
buprenorphine,
which
is
an
This
the same as any other opiate in
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
suppressing pain. But as the dosage is
that the client stays on the drug
increased, it starts to block the opioid
after being stabilized -- at Thorpe,
receptor, and doesn’t allow it to be
we only use the drug for the initial
stimulated.
detoxification period.
This allows clinicians to
We believe
stop withdrawal symptoms without
that for most people the goal of
having to worry that the patient will
recovery is to be off drugs completely.
begin abusing Suboxone. In addition,
Maintenance opiate treatment, even
Suboxone makes it impossible to get
when controlled and supervised, can
high on other opiates.
If someone
be a disappointment for those whose
is taking Suboxone and then uses
ultimate objective is to live a drug
heroin or OxyContin, they won’t feel
free life.
any euphoria from the illicit drugs.
How is it used at Thorpe?
Is it Addictive? Drugs that have the greatest abuse
Our
Suboxone
detoxification
for
potential are those with a shorter
opiate users is generally 10 days. It
half-life
begins with a 4 day drug protocol
quickly into the brain.
and then a 6 day observation period
has a very long half life and absorbs
while the client is still in Detox.
slowly through the blood vessels
and
that
are
absorbed Suboxone
under the tongue, so it has a much If an opiate user were to stop abruptly
lower
--or “cold turkey”--he or she would
other prescription opiates (Vicoden,
go into withdrawal within a few hours,
Percocet, OxyContin) and heroin.
which
includes
sweating,
addiction
potential
than
racing
heart beat, nausea, muscle pain,
People can and do take Suboxone
inability to sleep and severe anxiety.
for recreation, but most people who
When a client arrives at Thorpe, he
take it this way are not typically
or she has likely taken their last dose
dependent on more potent opiates
of opiates within 4 - 12 hours and
since the effects of Suboxone are
may already be experiencing mild
much less intense.
withdrawal symptoms.
to
see
people
It is very unusual regularly
abuse
Suboxone, as most people who use it Once mild symptoms are present, the
illicitly do so when they can’t get their
client is given a dose of Suboxone.
hands on their preferred opiate like
It is important that Suboxone not be
heroin or Vicodin. Another benefit of
given until mild symptoms show, as it
using the drug for detoxification only
could actually precipitate withdrawal
is that the short-term usage prevents
symptoms
early.
people from using it in ways that
Although Suboxone is approved for
are not intended by their addiction
maintenance
treatment team.
if
given
too
treatment--meaning
6 Essential Benefits of Addiction Treatment Medications can reduce cravings and withdrawal symptoms to a manageable level. They help you stabilize and focus and they greatly increase your odds of lasting change - but as powerful as medications like Suboxone are, they’re not a magic cure: you’ll still need to work very hard. Below is a list to help keep you focused on other aspects of your treatment. 1. Sustaining Motivation It’s important to prepare for downturns and make certain that your long-term goals drive your day to day behaviours. 2. Increase Relapse Prevention Skills Long-term goals are only as useful as your ability to manage immediate impulses and cravings. Therefore, virtually all addiction treatment programs teach relapse prevention skills. 3. Replacing Negative Activities with Constructive Habits. If you take Suboxone, but continue to engage in all the same negative or risky behaviours of active addiction you are likely to fall back to getting high. 4. Improve Frustration Tolerance and Problem Solving Ability. By letting small problems build into overwhelming obstacles you increase the amount of frustration in your life. In the past you turned to drug or alcohol as a way to cope with frustration, what will you turn to now? 5. Build and Sustain Healthy and Supportive Relationships. Most people in active addiction behave in ways that diminish the trust and solidity of important relationships. In addiction treatment you may receive couples or family counseling to help repair past damage and to rebuild healthier systems that support recovery. 6. Improve Your Community Functioning
17
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
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It’s no wonder. In British Columbia deaths from fentanyl overdoses
have increased from 5% of overall drug-
related deaths in 2012 to 25% in 2014. In August 2015, Vancouver saw 16 fentanyl overdoses in one day - six of which happened in a single hour. Given the rise in overdoses associated with this potentially fatal drug, more information is desperately needed in order to understand how fentanyl has caused so many problems so quickly. Not since OxyContin has the medical field see this type of substance abuse epidemic with such extreme negative consequences.
It is important to
examine what is known about fentanyl so we can understand how and why there is such widespread availability and how its misuse is resulting in such dire outcomes.
FENTANYL - What We Know Fentanyl is a synthetic opioid that was developed in Europe in the 1950’s and made its way to North America
Fentanyl
Rate of overdoses in Canada rising. By Iryna Gavrysh and Dr. Simone Arbour
in the 1970’s.
Fentanyl has analgesic properties and
was predominantly used in medicine for the purposes of pain management. Fentanyl can appear in lozenges, sprays, inhalers and in pill form. But it is most commonly prescribed in a patch and is absorbed through the skin. The patch slowly releases the drug for up to 72 hours of pain relief. Fentanyl is approximately 100 times more potent than morphine, so it is helpful for individuals looking for relief from chronic or acute pain caused by surgery or illnesses such as cancer. Because the pain medication is released slowly over time, the patch contains a large amount of the drug. When used properly, the patch
Over the past couple of years, and especially in the past few months, media attention about the potential danger of illicit Fentanyl use has exploded.
medication provides long-term pain relief, typically achieving maximum concentrations within 17 to 48 hours.
Dangerous If Misused Although it has been used successfully to target moderate to severe pain, fentanyl is a powerful opioid with many dangerous side effects if misused.
18
This
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
medication has the potential to
fentanyl in this way have several ways
application of heat to the patch or
decrease an individual’s heart rate
of tampering with the patch.
replacing the patch over abraded
and respiration, inhibit the central
skin can lead to an overdose.
nervous system and lead to loss of
Misuse And Fatal Overdose
Although
consciousness or even death.
Its
In the late 1990’s, OxyContin received
happen, it is intentional misuse of the
effects depend on the individual’s
a lot of attention due to widespread
drug that causes the most problems.
physiological
over-prescription, misuse and abuse.
Individuals misuse fentanyl when they
with
It was prescribed by physicians as
are taking the drug to get high. This
taking opioids. As with other opioid
a powerful pain medication and,
dangerous practice has led to most
medications,
like
of the fatal overdoses observed over
and
makeup,
previous
tolerance
experience
fentanyl
presents
a
fentanyl,
its
misuse
resulting
became in
many
such
accidents
can
significant potential for abuse and
problematic,
addiction, particularly if it is obtained
overdoses and causing concern for
and used for purposes other than
the healthcare community and the
In order to address this emerging
pain relief.
public.
problem, the British Columbia Centre
This concern regarding the
the last few months.
widespread
abuse
of
OxyContin
for Disease Control has released
prompted
drug
manufacturers
a set of recommendations to the
has been focused on the abuse
to introduce a new medication,
community that, in the short term
of
especially
OxyNeom which couldn’t be crushed
could reduce the number of fatal
because it has made its way into the
or converted to liquid form - a step
fentanyl overdoses. It is recommended
underground drug market in several
designed to minimize the likelihood
that drug users be aware that the
different ways. It is often used as a
of misuse.
What makes fentanyl so
substances they are purchasing may
cheap alternative to lace heroin and
concerning is that it is far more potent
contain unknown doses of fentanyl.
other drugs. This means that users are
than OxyContin and therefore carries
The fact that this drug is prescribed
unaware of what they are actually
a far greater potential for harm or
by a doctor may lead recreational
buying and the strength of the drug
overdose. It is alarming that illicitly
users to believe it’s safe.
they are taking.
Furthermore, signs
manufactured fentanyl is being sold
it is clear that when misused or
and symptoms of a fentanyl overdose
in the underground market and
laced in other substances, this is not
have been found to closely resemble
being
the case.
that of heroin, making it more difficult
Unsuspecting users believe that they
that the medical community and
for clinicians in emergency settings
are taking a less powerful drug and
the public understand as much as
to identify the cause. The standard
put themselves in harm’s way.
possible about this potentially fatal
protocol of treatment for a heroin
“fake oxy” can contain variable
drug.
overdose may not be sufficient to
amounts of fentanyl and a milligram
demographic
treat an overdose of fentanyl, leading
difference in dosage could mean the
young professionals to those living
to an increased risk of mortality.
difference between life and death.
on the street, can gain access to this
Media
attention
this
around
medication,
fentanyl
mislabeled
as
OxyContin.
The
However,
It is therefore imperative
Individuals from all sociobackgrounds,
from
drug. Without adequate education grade
Deaths from fentanyl overdose have
and help, many may not realize
fentanyl being manufactured, but
occurred both from its misuse and
that what they’re taking can lead to
people with a legitimate prescription
abuse, as well as the result of adverse
extremely negative consequences.
for fentanyl are selling their new
reactions to legitimate, therapeutic
or used patches.
use.
Not
only
is
non-medical
People misusing
For
example,
accidental
19
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
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Alberta Fentanyl Deaths Reach Crisis Levels By Sarah Rieger The Huffinton Post
Albertans are dying from fentanyl overdoses at a rate of five to six people per week across the province, which has prompted Health Minister Sarah Hoffman to expand the government’s response to the deadly drug. From January to September 2015, there
were
213
deaths
involving
fentanyl in Alberta - in 2011, that number was only 6. “We may have 1 person a week lost in Calgary, or more and we can’t continue this. We have to stop this,” Calgary Mayor Naheed Nenshi told the Calgary Herald. The an
province additional
has
purchased
2,000
take-home
naloxone kits on the top of the 3,000
The Deeper Story
of Fentanyl
that they already have been made available.
Naloxone is a drug that
can reverse the side effects of opioids if administered within a certain time frame. The announcement is part of a $300,000 harm reduction program launched this summer to increase access to the kits. “The graph for deaths related to fentanyl just goes straight up, it just a huge rise,” said Edmonton Police Detective Guy Pilon . “I don’t think we’ve come anywhere near the peak of this yet.”
20
Excerpts from Fentanyl: A Killer Drug Crisis Jonathon Gatehouse & Nancy Macdonald
Police and health workers now face an unprecedented situation, with a burgeoning street trade in both the legitimate prescription patches and illicitly manufactured fentanyl - often sold in pill form and made to look like OxyContin. Fentanyl also available in liquid and powder form, is increasingly being used to cut cocaine and heroin, dramatically boosting their potency, often with fatal consequences. Indeed, fentanyl seems to be turning up almost everywhere you look. And it’s killing both inexperienced newbies and hardened addicts:
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
•
•
WINTER 2016
In Montreal, summer of 2014, there
city’s 3rd fatal fentanyl overdose in
Staff Sgt. Martin Schiavetta, of the
were at least 25 overdose deaths
five months. The 19 year old took half
Calgary police drug unit, said in a
- 6 of them in just 1 week in June
a “fake Oxy” pill, then lay down in the
recent interview with the CBC.
- linked to fentanyl-laced heroin.
living room with his blanket and his
fact, so much of the raw powder is
dog Kush. He placed his glasses and
now coming into the country that
Police in Moncton, N.B. found 2
favourite blue ballcap on the couch
Canadian dealers are said to be
men dead inside an apartment in
beside him. He never woke up.
exporting their excess product to
In
November 2015 with a package of fentanyl powder they had
The illicit fentanyl that’s currently
apparently purchased on-line.
flooding Canadian markets in pill form has more benign nicknames:
•
In Durham region, east of Toronto,
greenies, green beans and green
there were 11 fentanyl overdoses
monsters (all references to its emerald
8 of them fatal in Nov/Dec ‘15.
hue).
But that doesn’t make it any
less deadly. Stamped as OxyContin, •
Two major busts in Barrie, Ont.,
the fentanyl has been retailing for
involved
workers.
as little as $10 a pill -- an indication
One trafficking ring, in which false
of how cheap it is to manufacture
prescritions
and how easy it is to obtain the raw
the northwest United States.
the help of a medical secretary,
material.
The BC investigation in
fentanyl takes hold in a community,
included 2 dozen people and
March turned up two industrial pill
the effects can be devastating. North
1,000 patches. The other involved
presses that were used to make the
Bay, Ont., with a population of just
an emergency-room physician,
29,000 tablets. Two of the 14 people
55,000, has had 16 overdose deaths
who was charged with 68 counts
arrested in associated raids in Alberta
since 2007. To put it in perspective,
in
and Saskatchewan are “full-patch”
the city only had one murder over
members of the Hells Angels. A third
the same period.
man is the president of an affiliated
negative impacts,” says Det.-Const.
motorcycle gang, the Fallen Saints.
Brad Reaume of North Bay police
healthcare were
connection
prescriptions •
written
to
for
with
fraudulent 515
doses.
In the summer of 2014, 16 deaths and dozens of non-fatal overdoses
•
street-crime
unit.
When
“There’s a lot of
“A
$500-a-day
have occurred on the Blood First
Shutting down the “fake Oxy” trade
habit destroys a household.” Once,
Nation reserve near Lethbridge,
won’t be simple, however. This time,
he had to arrest a woman who was
AB,
there seem to be multiple sources for
smoking a patch in her car with her
the fentanyl. Police have suggested
18-month-old strapped in a child
that
are
seat in the back. Even the users were
March 2015 netted 29,000 “fake
involved in its importation, but that
becoming alarmed. In the summer
Oxy” fentanyl pills and $215,000
it’s being manufactured even farther
of 2013, Reaume and his partner
in cash. Police in Alberta have
afield, in places such as Turkey and
were out on patrol when an addict
seized more than 20,000 pills in
China.
flagged them down and begged
the last year.
on-line.
A
population Vancouver
just
police
12,000. raid
in
Mexican
drug
cartels
It can even be ordered “Companies
guarantee
them to get the drug off the streets.
Kelly Best of Saskatoon died late in
delivery, even if it’s seized by the
“ ‘It’s killing all my friends,’ is what he
the morning of January 3, 2015, the
Canadian Border Services Agency,”
told us,” says Reaume.
21
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
THIRSTY BUNCH YOU CAN BET ON ALBERTANS TO DRINK AND GAMBLE... ...RECESSION OR NO RECESSION.
By Michael Platt Postmedia Network
You want recession proof? Try 80 proof. Actually, you can go with alcohol of pretty much any strength, whether it’s wine, spirits or beer and the result stands. Alberta, it seems, is drowning its sorrows, or maybe just drinking to
via gambling.
forget.
consumption typically stays steady,”
all.
said Robinson, who oversees what
ranks second only to Quebec when
Despite an economy in full hangover
is easily Alberta’s voluntary revenue
it comes to drinking, just ahead
mode,
stream.
of
Albertans
are
consuming
If there is one guy
something slightly cheaper.”
The
who’s not surprised to see people still
AGLC’s 2014-15 annual report, on-
drinking, it’s Bill Robinson, the AGLC’s
line: www.aglc.ca shows a province
president and chief executive officer.
either
drinking
to
numb
their
economic misery or simply sticking to “When
recessions
come,
alcohol
No one forces people to
old habits with a vengeance -- after Statistics Canada says Alberta
Newfoundland
and
Labrador.
while
drink, but Albertans are clearly keen
spending record amounts of cash on
volunteers, guzzling an extra 4.5 million
That doesn’t surprise Robinson either.
gambling.
litres of beer alone.
Robinson says
The AGLC boss, a former Mountie, says
some habits change like choosing a
Alberta is a young province (again,
That’s the conclusion of the Alberta
cheaper brand over the top shelf stuff.
according to Stats Canada we’re
Gaming and Liquor Commission’s
There are some dynamics that do
the youngest) and he says that adds
annual update on the sins of Alberta,
change.
up to a very sociable population.
which shows people in this province
or less in an economy like this, but
sucking back an extra 11.8 million
they do choose different types of
“Our consumption is high in part
litres of alcohol since the 2013-2014
drinks-so if you have someone who
because of that young demographic,
fiscal update while contributing an
normally drinks high-end wine, you
and that keeps our consumption
extra $57 million to provincial coffers
see them dropping down a shelf to
a little higher than that of other
more
22
booze
than
ever,
People don’t drink more
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
provinces,” said Robinson.
Overall,
population
increases,
which
hit
went to the General Revenue Fund
the flow of intoxicating fluid is up
4.2 million people in 2015, and
from liquor and licensing operations.”
across the board.
Robinson says that AGLC are not
The
concerned about the extra drinking.
volunteer
As well as that extra 4.5 million litres of
Lottery
Fund
and
goes
community
towards based
initiatives across the province, while
beer, Albertans toasted each other
“On the liquor side, we see strong,
the booze cash pays for everything
with an additional 3.3 million litres of
but
from roads to bridges and parks.
wine. In terms of hard alcohol, drinkers
said.
in this province put back an extra 550
gambling, with total revenue from
Despite the economy, the AGLC also
thousand litres and when cider and
electronic,
and
deals in hope. Robinson says people
coolers were tallied, another 340
charitable gambling totaling $2.1
do tend to keep gambling in a
thousand litres were slurped.
billion in the 2014-15 fiscal year.
recession, but the kind of games they
For a
not
excessive
“Its
the
growth,”
same
story
non-electronic
he with
province with highest booze prices
choose to play changes. “You find
in Canada, that adds up to a lot of
Both liquor and gaming profits are
ticketed lotteries start to pick up, while
cash: $2.5 billion in the last fiscal year,
returned to Alberta after expenses of
VLT’s and slot machines come down
versus $2.4 billion the year before.
course - and the report states that for
in this kind of economy,” he said.
2014-15, “more than $1.5 billion from
“It all boils down the amount of
extra
provincial gaming was placed in the
disposable income people are willing
drinking and revenue is due to
Alberta Lottery Fund and nearly $766
to spend.”
Of
course,
some
of
that
The 6 C’s of Recovery What I learned about courage and compassion in a 12 Step community. By Fran Simone Ph.D.
share their pain. There are two great human
resources
on
alcoholism:
“Alcoholics are like everybody else:
recovering
sometimes amazing, loving, smart,
front line experience and combat
charming, funny and compelling.
veterans who have been exposed to
Unfortunately,
from
the active drinking of a loved one for
tremendous
long periods of time. I am a combat
It is a depleting,
veteran whose husband lost his battle
addiction
can
for loved ones.
the be
fallout
depressing and lonely life to be with
alcoholics
who
have
with alcoholism.
someone long-term who engages in such dangerous behaviour.”
was more than a lush, a drunk, a barfly.
He was a gifted lawyer, a
On Christmas day, 1996, my husband,
loving son, proud step-dad, loyal
Terry, committed suicide. He was only
friend, supportive husband and rabid
In 2013 the National Institute of Alcohol
47 years old. Although he admitted
Dallas Cowboy fan who eventually
Abuse and Alcoholism reported that
he was an alcoholic, he hated the
succumbed to this cunning disease.
16.6 million adults (USA) age 18 and
label with its image of street drunks
Terry was never mean, nasty or
older had an Alcohol Use Disorder.
clutching pints of rotgut liquor beside
violent. When drunk, he simply wasn’t
Many more millions family and friends
dumpsters in dark alleys. My husband
there. Immobile like a corpse. Once
23
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
“Why do you drink when it causes such heartache?” “Oblivion,” he responded. “I like the oblivion.”
I asked, “Why do you drink when it
but I didn’t follow through.
I was
Early on, I was introduced to the 3 Cs
causes such heartache?” “Oblivion,”
too arrogant, willful and stubborn. I
about addiction. I didn’t cause it. I
he responded. “I like the oblivion.”
believed that I could fix my husband.
can’t cure it. I can’t control it. Over
Shortly after treatment, he relapsed.
the years, these Cs have become my
Terry inhabited a parallel universe:
For the remaining years until his death
“got to” mantra whenever I relapse
his hidden self and his public self.
we resumed our life of managing the
into old behaviours.
Like light which consists of wave and
disease.
particle, my husband was both things
Subsequently, I’ve added 3 more
at once--a baffling paradox. Shortly
Jump shift to several years later when
Cs:
after he died, I composed a poem
I discovered that my adult son was
community.
to “my husband of a thousand joys
abusing drugs. Once again I climbed
workshop where the leader asked,
and sorrows.” For every sad episode
on the roller coaster and redoubled
“What is the strength you already
associated with alcohol, there was
my efforts to fix my son. I wasn’t about
have which you can draw upon
an equally joyful time when Terry was
to lose him too.
to create the life you want for
sober.
but that didn’t stop me.
We careened between the
Nothing worked, Finally,
courage,
compassion
and
Recently I attended a
yourself? I jumped up and replied,
highs and lows of the roller coaster
after sever tsunamis, I was depleted,
“courage”.
ride of our marriage. Looking back, I
depressed and drowning in fear and
walk into a 12 Step meeting for the
recognize my part in this risky journey.
hopelessness. A friend invited me to
first time. I recall my apprehension,
I thrived on the melodrama. That’s
a 12 Step meeting where I discovered
self-consciousness and tears at my
likely why I didn’t embrace my own
I wasn’t alone.
initial meeting. (Thankfully everyone
recovery.
unique. In fact, my challenges were
was welcoming.)
the same as everyone else. We were
to seek a sponsor. (What if she says,
Years passed. Terry progressed from
all combat veterans struggling with
“no”?) It takes courage to embark
the middle to the late stage of the
the disease.
on Step 4. (Making a searching and
disease. At one point, he attended
control?
a
program.
own bowls, to walk on our side of the
my character defects and working
At a weekend event for family and
street? To learn how to live a healthy
to overcome them has been a
friends I was introduced to the 12
and happy life? To recover from our
monumental task.
Step philosophy.
loved one’s destructive behaviour?
of the program, I’ve been able to
24
residential
treatment
It makes sense,
My situation wasn’t
How do we give up
To keep our spoon in our
It takes courage to
It takes courage
fearless moral inventory.)
Facing
With the help
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
A Donor’s Story
develop compassion for myself and my loved one.
I work hard to not
beat myself up for the many mistakes I make trying to “fix” my husband and son.
says, “When you know better, you do better.” I could not have come far in my recovery
Lives Change Through Your Donation to Thorpe Recovery Centre.
One wise member often
without
the
love
and
support of the 12 Step fellowship, a community in which we help one another heal our bruises and release our burdens. We reach out to celebrate our triumphs, admit our failures, express our sorrows, overcome our fears and share our gratitude. One member often says, “All you have to do is to be willing.” Willing to show up and contribute, willing to listen and learn and willing to laugh and cry. We counteract the fallout from a loved one’s addiction by sharing our experience, strength and hope. We embrace the Cs, slogans, steps and traditions.
We
seek serenity and rejoice in the gift of recovery.
I was in and out of jail for 34 years and
programming.
know firsthand the trials of the human
asking for help is vital for anyone who
soul and addiction.
wants to become sober.
I have known
Reaching out and
many whose lives are permanently changed because of the inability
Now retired from Corrections, I wish
to remain sober.
to continue to see lives changed
Good intentions
without intervention only last until the
through
first temptation and then the cycle
programming; alleviating the stress
begins again.
addiction has on families, hospitals
addiction
treatment
and the justice system. I believe in the Counseling, therapy and support
programming the Thorpe Recovery
is the only intervention I know that
Centre offers, and it is my satisfaction
works.
to see the influence and change my
It provides the impetus to
start rebuilding confidence to be
donations make on just a single life.
independent of alcohol or drugs and encourage resolve to reset life’s goals and objectives.
Rick C., Friend of Recovery 2015
How do I
know? I worked with and supervised
What does Thorpe mean to you?
the men and women who provided
Send
the
correctional
thorperecoverycentre.org or by mail
programs to help incarcerated men
at P.O. Box 291 Blackfoot, AB T0B 0L0.
counseling
and
Sara
your
story
(giving@
who want to become and remain sober.
Thank You! To all of our supporters, volunteers
I wish to mention that addiction is
and Friends of Recovery. Our vision of
Border City Al-Anon Community Resource Centre (4419-52nd Ave) Sunday 8pm
also found on both sides of the bars:
“Overcoming Addiction to Improve
It does not care about your job,
Lives” was developed 40 years ago
gender, living situation or finances. I
and still remains the same today. It
Sask-Alta Al-Anon Community Resource Centre (4419-52nd Ave) Monday 8pm
have seen it take the best out of both
is because of your support and gifts
the incarcerated as well as those
that we have been able to help
who work within the correctional
over 500 adults between 2014-15. It
system. I have witnessed the benefits
is important to remember you are
of Employee Assistance Programs
not just helping the client, but also
(EAP) that help employees who are
impacting their families, friends and
in need of counseling and if required,
employers.
Lloydminster Al-Anon Meetings
New Attitudes AFG Community Resource Centre (4419 - 52nd Ave) Wednesday 8pm Gratitude Al-Anon Community Resource Centre (4419 - 52nd Ave) Friday 10:30 am
assist in placement into treatment
25
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
How More Women Are Drinking Like Men -
And Why its Dangerous By Iman Sheikh Edmonton Fetal Alcohol Network If you’re Canadian, you probably drink a lot more alcohol than you think. Enough booze is purchased per year to supply every person 15 and over with either 480 bottles of beer, 91 bottles of wine or 27 bottles of spirits. But don’t rush to assume it’s all frat boys --if you’re female, middle aged and have a job, you may be among the heaviest drinkers in North America. Statistics Canada discovered that between 2009 and 2012, the number of male “heavy drinkers” in Alberta decreased by 1%, but their female counter parts increased by 6.5%. A ‘heavy drinker’ was defined as someone who has at least five drinks on at least one occasion a month. In 2013, the criteria changed to 4 drinks for females, but remained 5 for males. Why the rise in tippling women? reason
One likely is
increased
women’s earning
power. While women, on average, still make significantly less than men, the most recent data
26
(2011)
shows
WINTER 2016
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
since 1987, when the Pay Equity
The
women
by 1.5 times,” says Susan Flynn, senior
Act was passed, the gender wage
experience in middle age also factors
manager at the Canadian Cancer
gap in Ontario has shrunk by 38%.
into
Society.
When women compete with men
“There’s a lot of dissatisfaction in
may increase with every additional
in the professional field, they tend
women’s lives today:
drink a woman has each day.”
to adopt some of the outward signs
career, the marriage, the aging
of a male culture.
“We already
parents, the worries about their own
It’s not just breasts at risk, however.
know that the more pronounced
aging,” Gabrielle Glaser, author of
Drinking can increase the risk of
the role of women, the more equal
Her Best Kept Secret:
many types of cancer, including
the drinking rates will become,”
Drink --and How They Can Regain
colon,
says Dr. Jürgen Rehm, director of
Control, says in an interview with the
liver and mouth cancer.
the
Globe and Mail.
component of alcoholic beverages
Social
and
Epidemiological
stress
that
increased
many
rates
of
drinking.
the kids, the
Why Women
Research Department at the Centre
“The risk of breast cancer
rectal,
esophagus,
larynx,
The main
is the carcinogen ethanol.
Add
for Addiction and Mental Health
However, it’s important for women
to this acetaldehyde, a chemical
(CAMH). “And over the last 20 to
to recognize that the two sexes were
that is produced when the body
30 years, we’ve seen much more
not created equal -- at least in terms
metabolizes alcohol and you have
emancipation.”
of alcohol tolerance. Women have
a highly toxic combination known to
smaller quantities than men of the
create cancerous cells in the body.
Another reason for rising alcohol
enzyme dehydrogenase that breaks
abuse
focused
down alcohol in the stomach, making
Then there are the mental health
alcohol marketing towards female
them more vulnerable to adverse
risks
consumers.
consequences of alcohol use.
consumption.
rates
is
intensely
LCBO stores now offer
dozens of wines and spirits by brands
associated
with
alcohol
According to Rehm,
the biggest issue with heavy drinking
such as “Girls’ Night Out” (made
In general, women also have less
is a mood disorder known as alcohol
here in Ontario), “Uv Cake” and
water in the body, so a women will
use disorder (formally called alcohol
“Skinnygirl”.
absorb
more
abuse). In 2012, 18.1% of Canadians
alcohol into her bloodstream than a
met the criteria for alcohol abuse or
Since women represent about 85%
man of the same weight who has had
dependence.
of consumer shopping and respond
the same number of drinks.
Many
over the health effects of heavy
most
helps
women think the trouble with drinking
drinking for both men and women
them bring out the best version of
is primarily liver damage when it
will only increase, given the provincial
themselves, it’s no coincidence that
comes to their health. This is not so.
government’s plans to make wine
more low calorie, low carb, ‘healthy’
Drinking alcohol increases the risk of
and beer available on supermarket
options
shelves
cancer. Alcohol affects the level of
shelves. “There is a clear correlation
Take this tagline
certain hormones in the body, such
and association between the number
for vodka brand Voli, for example:
as estrogen, which is a large factor in
of outlets and availability of alcohol
“Enhanced with electrolytes and no
breast cancer development.
and drinking level,” he says. “And of
to
advertising
line
liquor
than ever before.
that
stores
about
30
percent
more than 81 calories a serving, Voli
For Rehm, concerns
course, the harm from alcohol.”
Light Vodkas is just the sweet drink you
“For
need when you and your girlfriends
alcoholic drink a day can increase
are having a girl’s night in.”
your risk of developing breast cancer
women,
even
drinking
1
27
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
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28
_________________________________
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
When to Help When to Step Back 3 Things you can and can’t do to help an addicted loved one.
Families trying to help a loved one
let go.
struggling with addiction get a lot of
situation, and the sooner you accept
mixed messages.
“You’re one of the
your lack of control, the sooner they can
single greatest influences in your loved
face the natural consequences of their
one’s life.” And that’s often true. Then
actions.
You can’t control them or the
again, you hear the “three Cs” of addiction recovery: You didn’t cause it,
2. Do the work of recovery for them.
you can’t cure it and you can’t control it.
Even if a loved one goes to an addiction
Again, true.
treatment centre, you can’t prevent relapse.
After Eve’s son completed
So how do you help someone if you’re
addiction treatment, everything was
influential, but you aren’t in control? If
going well.
you’re to stay close, but avoid enabling?
rebuilding his life. He told his mom “I’m
Here are a few suggestions from two
never going back to that bad place
women who have come to face with the
again.”
He had a job and was
harsh realities of the disease of addiction:
What You Can’t Do
Months later, he spiraled back into active addiction. She tried to talk with him about
1. Make them quit.
the signs she was seeing, but he didn’t
You can stage an intervention and you
want to admit it. One night, Eve heard
may be successful, but you cannot
unusual breathing from his bedroom and
force someone with a substance abuse
when she check on him, she couldn’t
problem to quit.
wake him up. After six weeks in a coma,
You can’t make
someone get sober
the doctors told Eve that Isaac was gone.
“You can keep throwing money at them,
Eve was well-educated about addiction.
telling them what to do and trying to lift
He stayed close to Isaac and kept the
them up, but they have to commit to
lines of communication open.
it,” says Eve Goldberg, a mom who lost
unfortunately, “even if you see the signs
her 23 year old son Isaac, to an opiate
you can’t always do something about
overdose in 2013. “I’ve learned how to
it.” Addiction hijacks the brain, leading
But
29
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
people to hide, lie and manipulate
recommends
“We
addiction -- the signs, the treatments,
to maintain their drug abuse. Isaac
talked about this and this doesn’t
the relapse triggers -- and talk to your
didn’t want to die. He wanted to get
work for me” or “love you, but I
loved ones about drugs and alcohol
better. But there is simply no logic in
can’t go down this road anymore”
from an early age.
addiction.
and then following through with the
education is no guarantee of healthy
consequence. Holding firm to your
choices, but it can be a powerful tool
For many, even those who ultimately
boundaries may mean disengaging
in preventing drug abuse and finding
maintain their recovery long-term,
for a period of time, or indefinitely,
a way to recovery.
relapse is a common part of the
she says.
calmly
saying.
Of course,
process. Like other chronic diseases,
If your loved one goes into treatment,
it’s not unusual for those struggling
participate in any family programs
with
that are offered.
addiction
to
need
multiple
The education
“Someone
and encouragement offered by a
can go to meetings, have a sponsor
drug rehabilitation centre can help
and be a poster child for AA, but still
you support your loved one and
relapse, “ says Bennett. “It’s a vicious
take care of your own needs at the
cycle and the person has to be willing
same time.
to reach out for help to stop it.”
source of support and accountability
episodes of treatment.
Then continue to be a
post-treatment, when drug cravings and triggers heighten the relapse
3. Accept behaviour that violates your boundaries.
“If you say what you mean and mean what you say,
To avoid enabling, loved ones have to set boundaries. And once you’ve
even if they’re mad at first, they’ll respect you in the long term.”
risk.
Bennett strongly recommends
putting into place a family recovery contract when a loved one returns
laid out your boundaries, allowing
For some people struggling with
home from treatment or sober living.
them to be violated destroys your
addiction,
the
She notes, “If the ‘addict’ doesn’t
credibility
consequences of their drug use is
live at home, a recovery contract is
the only way they’ll recognize the
important with fewer stipulations, but
seriousness of the problem and get
not imperative.”
and
perpetuates
your
loved one’s addiction.
experiencing
“If you don’t follow through with
help.
consequences
someone
them hit bottom,” Bennett says. For
2. Take care of yourself
violates one of your boundaries, your
evidence, she suggests going to an
A critical lesson for Eve was the
word is like quicksand,” says Bennett.
open AA meeting. “More often than
importance of being good to herself,
“If you say what you mean and mean
not, you’ll hear people say ‘Thank
regardless of whatever her son was
what you say, even if they’re mad at
God my parent kicked me out/said
doing well. You can’t control another
first, they’ll respect you in the long
no.’ As difficult as it is, you don’t have
person, but you can make healthy
term.”
the power to fix it. Only they do.”
decisions for yourself. And you must
when
“Sometimes love is letting
in order to have any hope of being
Boundaries can be basic -- for
What Can You Do
example, the person has to be clean
1. Get Educated
and sober if they’re in your home.
You can’t help fight an enemy you
If the boundary is broken, Bennett
don’t
30
understand.
able to support and encourage your loved one.
Learn
about
For some people, groups like Al-Anon
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
provide a safe place to get education
an
and fellowship with others who are
helping young adults transition into
you can’t be on top of them all the
facing similar struggles. Others prefer
sober life after rehab. Although her
time, or they won’t trust that they can
seeing a therapist privately or joining
family had trouble understanding it
come to you.”
a different type of support group.
at first, helping others suffering from
organization
dedicated
to
suggests.
“You have to step back,
the same illness that took away her
For loved ones trying to take care of
Whatever your path looks like, “you
son has been an integral part of her
themselves, nothing is more toxic to
have to keep putting one foot in front
healing.
your healing than shame. Eve had
of the other, keep looking forward,
many friends who struggled with
not back,” Eve says. “There’s no way
3. Talk about it.
addiction in their family, but were
to make sense of it. There’s no reason
Talking about the problem can be
too ashamed to talk about it. “We
why my son should have died. Give
healing both for the person trying to
made a decision as a family to be
yourself over to a higher power -- for
overcome addiction as well as their
up front about our struggles,” she
me, it was the only way I could live.
loved ones.
says.
A person with a drug
“The more you talk about it,
problem may be reluctant to come
the more you realize everyone has a
There’s a lot of pain and grief involved
to you and ask for help, but if you can
story, everyone has been affected by
when you love someone with a
tolerate the lies and manipulation, an
addiction in some way.”
substance abuse problem.
Your
open dialogue is your best chance to
other family members and friends
be there for them when they need
For Eve, speaking her son’s name and
may not grieve in the same way as
you most.
telling his story is one way to keep his
you and may have their own ideas
memory alive. “I still cry when I tell
about how to handle the situation.
“Work on building a good relationship,
Isaac’s story, even years later. And I
For example, Eve started BIG VISION,
without judging or accusing,” Eve
can see people’s faces cringe when I talk about my dead child. They don’t
UPCOMING TRC INTENSIVES SA INTENSIVE - FEB 24-28, 2016
Sex Addiction Intensive for men and women.
The Thorpe Recover y Centre’s Facing the Shadows Intensive is a shor t-term, inpatient experience that maximizes your investment of time and money. Please go to w w w.thorperecover ycentre.org or call 780.874.3538 for more information.
know how to handle it,” she says. “But I can’t worry about making them uncomfortable. He’s still my son and I won’t pretend he didn’t exist.” The realities of addiction are painful. It’s hard to hear that a loved one’s life is at risk and you can’t fix it. But, once you accept certain realities, you may
FAMILY INTENSIVE - FEB 11-14, 2016 FEBRUARY SPECIAL
Addic tion obliterates families. Just as suppor t for the addic t is critical, so it is for the family. Led by cer tif ied Addiction Counselors the Thorpe Recover y Centre Intensive will provide you an oppor tunit y to explore
discover that there’s empowerment beyond the powerlessness. There are steps you can take to help yourself and your addicted loved one and once you’ve taken those steps you
yourself in a safe nonjudgmental communit y.
can take solace in knowing you did
Please go to w w w.thorperecover ycentre.org or
all that you could in the face of a
call 780.874.3538 for more information.
devastating disease.
31
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
Facing My Mental Health Issues Was Harder Than Getting Clean. By Erin Khar
WINTER 2016
I started using heroin when I was 13 years old and considered myself a “high functioning addict.” But the truth was, I used drugs to self-medicate my mental health issues. “If you don’t do something to address your weird sabotaging behaviour, our relationship is not going to last.” The heat rose up my cheeks and spread to my ears.
Exhaling, I wanted to
launch into the many reasons why we should just end it here and now. Instead, I listened to what the man I love just said to me. He was right. I was sabotaging our relationship in both subconscious and deliberate ways.
This space was familiar.
I’d
occupied it most of my life. Though I been clean for almost 9 years, there was a pesky part of my behaviour that was still wreaking havoc in my life. I started using heroin when I was 13 years old. I used it off and on for the next 15 years. Hiding this from most everyone in my life until I first went to rehab at age 23, I considered myself to be a “high-functioning” addict. The truth was, I used drugs to manage my own mental health issue, masking behaviour that was more noticeably disturbing when I was off drugs than when I was on them. I was aware of this on some level, but had not yet faced that reality. Once the truth about my addiction was out, I found it easier and easier
32
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
to be frank about admitting I was
the psychiatrist, he explained that
need it anymore, I stopped taking it
an addict. But, I did not understand
finding the right medication can take
without telling anyone.
the underlying issues that drove my
time, and there may be a little trial
addiction. After my first stint in rehab,
and error in the process. He handed
Within 6 weeks, I fell into another
I had some extended periods of
me a prescription for a different SSRI,
black hole, inflicting harm on myself
sobriety, but I relapsed several times.
which I threw in the trash on the way
by way of a box cutter, fantasizing
The problem started with addiction,
to my car.
about killing myself and pushing
but didn’t end there. I was no stranger
everyone away.
Those closest to
to therapy, I had been in talk therapy
Over
L.
me, concerned about my behaviour,
on and off since adolescence.
A
noticed I was getting worse, and she
threatened to talk with my therapist
year after rehab, when some of the
suggested I try another psychiatrist.
and parents and suggested we look
painful issues from childhood could
Psychiatrist Number Two prescribed
into a treatment centre. Dead sober,
no longer be ignored, I started seeing
me Wellbutrin, a brand name for
I felt crazier than ever.
a therapist again.
bupropion,
of
it, I wasn’t crazy, I wasn’t like “those
antidepressants.
Though Wellbutrin
people”. I promised that I would start
was,
time,
commonly
taking Wellbutrin again and go to
handsome woman with wild hair,
advertised to help smoking cessation,
more 12 Step meetings, and that I’d
always
oversized
it is often prescribed to treat general
through away the box cutter. I did
sculptural necklace. I loved her cozy
depression and as a mood stabilizer
what I said I would, sort of. And what
office, full of dark wood, smelling of
for certain cases of bipolar disorder.
I “sort of did” didn’t last long.
eucalyptus. The therapy helped, but
Psychiatrist Number Two said that I
it didn’t help enough.
I mistakenly
might be suffering from rapid-cycling
I relapsed again. I relapsed in a way
thought that I had left my darkest
manic depression or general major
that was worse than any time before.
moments of depression and suicidal
depression and PTSD (Post Traumatic
I was back on heroin and smoking
thoughts behind me.
Stress Disorder), stemming from a
crack, spiraling down into a vortex so
back
sexual abuse incident I experienced
confounding that I believed the only
and I was able to admit them to Dr.
as a child and had spent all my
way out was suicide. In a moment of
L., she referred me to a psychiatrist.
years suppressing and minimizing.
clarity, after the worst four months of
The psychiatrist, after an hour long
Whatever it was, it was choking the
my life, I reached out for help.
consultation, suggested “we” start
will to live right out of me.
Dr. L. was great.
She was a tall,
sporting
suffocating
feelings
an
When those came
the
at
next
a that
3
months,
different
Dr
family
with an SSRI, a Selective Serotonin
But, damn
Back in rehab for the second and last
Re-Uptake Inhibitor, AKA a member
I was desperate. So, I started taking
time, I was in a facility that operated
of the Prozac family. Reluctant but
Wellbutrin.
primarily as a mental health hospital,
open, I began taking my first anti-
that it would ‘not work’, it did.
with
an
depressant.
Among some of my peers in recovery,
unit.
The rehab was down the hill
suggestions were made that true
from the main building.
It didn’t work, it made me feel worse,
sobriety did not involve medication.
up the hill at “those people” and
more depressed, more suicidal. After
Others supported my decision.
I
felt frightened and ashamed that
2 months, I threw in the proverbial
wavered. Two months later, feeling
maybe we weren’t so different. I had
towel and decided that medication
better and convincing myself that
no problem standing up at a 12 Step
was not for me. On my last visit to
this had all been a fluke, that I didn’t
meeting and saying, “I’m Erin and I’m
Despite my convictions
inpatient
rehabilitation I looked
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THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
an addict,” but to admit that I had
The birth of my son did a lot to
I went back to talk therapy and got
something that qualified as mental
improve my well-being. The moment
back on the Wellbutrin. Three years
illness, felt more threatening than an
he was born, I instantly loved him
after that fateful conversation, that
overdose. I had spent my entire life
more than I hated myself. And over
man and I married and my life is
petrified that anyone would find out
time, with that self-hatred having
leaps and bounds from where it was
I was damaged, broken, crazy; that
melted, I began to like myself more
then.
the straight A student, super social
and more. I haven’t used in 13 years.
saved me from myself.
and outgoing young women was an
My son is now 12. I’d like to say that
have a clear diagnosis. Maybe it’s
impostor, hiding the ugly monster I
removing the drugs entirely for such a
regular old depression, maybe it’s a
felt I was.
long period of time solved the mental
little of the PTSD, maybe it’s a form
health issues, but it did not. So there
of bipolar disorder, maybe it doesn’t
It was in that rehab that I first began
I sat, four years ago, across the table
matter. I am okay with needing the
to acknowledge that I had mental
from the man I love, who had never
medication. I am okay with facing
health issues.
I continued in talk
known me on drugs and I heard
my mental illness, without all the
therapy, went on and off Wellbutrin
him. Yes, I was clean, I was a good
jokes and minimization. I’m okay with
a few more times and had a couple
mom, and had my life together. But,
admitting I need those pills to keep
more relapses. My life, though more
I was still dipping into dark places,
me stable. Why? Because I’m happy,
stable, still felt uncertain, ready to
sabotaging relationships, fantasizing
not in an artificial mercurial way, but
unhinge and crumble, once again.
about self-harm and fighting the
in a day-to-day fulfilled and grateful
Then, I got pregnant. I couldn’t use
urge to destroy everything around
way. I only wish it had not taken me
drugs and I did not use again.
me. I was white knuckling my mental
so long to get here.
illness.
For me, the medication had I still don’t
The Depth of Your Anguish By Andrew Woods, Healthy Minds Canada
for a buzz. But if I’ve relapsed once, what’s to stop me from relapsing
34
Recovery isn’t without its setbacks.
again?
While I’ve managed to successfully
family and how they would react to
recover from mental illness (more or
my impulsiveness. They would be hurt.
less), my recovery from substance
They would be scared.
abuse has been riddled with slips. I
be devastated. Inflicting pain on my
was clean for a long time - that is, until
loved ones is a big price to pay for a
my recent encounter with opiates.
good time I’ll never remember.
I’ve made some poor decisions over
Life is about learning from our mistakes,
the course of my addiction and I’ve
and I wonder if I’ve truly changed for
disappointed those closest to me far
the better. I can’t put up with another
too many times. It couldn’t have been
relapse. My 30th birthday is coming
easy to watch me throw my life away
up and I’m tired of being put through
I think of my friends and
They would
THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE
WINTER 2016
the wringer. I want my 30’s to represent a decade of
the flow and keep on keep-in’ on (to quote a rather
personal growth, accomplishment and fulfillment. My
catchy song by First Aid Kit).
worse fear is being 35 and living a wildly uninhibited party-goer, piss drunk and doped up. That’s not for me.
Some final thoughts. Keep going. Your resiliency may surprise you. Just when you think you’ve had enough,
I’m well into my recovery. I exercise regularly, I try to eat
and the bleakness becomes unbearable, look within
well and I avoid (for the most part) my known triggers:
and realize, you have what it takes to get through
liquor stores, the parking lot where I would meet my
whatever challenges you face. Remember, it’s always
dealer, unhealthy social connections and get togethers
darkest before the dawn.
with drug and alcohol users. But there’s only so much I can avoid.
Substance use is the norm for many
Perhaps you have yet to discover your calling and
here in North America. Am I supposed to become a
perhaps you’re struggling to get your life in order. That’s
recluse, sober, but missing out on the good things in life?
okay. Hell, I’m not yet satisfied with my life. I’m always
Temptation lurks around every corner. So what am I to
searching for something bigger and better, something
do?
that will bring me happiness, once and for all.
It’s
exhausting work. I suppose I often forget how important I think the answer lies in finding a good support network.
it is to live in the moment. I think too much, and spend
I have reliable and supportive friends and family
too much time pondering the imponderables. I forget
members. Some understand my situation, others do not.
to enjoy the journey.
But, overall, my friends and family want what’s best for
will never be happy if you continue to search for what
me. So I am pretty blessed.
happiness consists of.
To quote Albert Camus, “You You will never live if you are
looking for the meaning of life.” I’ve become particularly close with one friend. Although we’ve only recently met, this young woman understands
Many of you may feel hopelessly overburdened with
my predicament better than anyone I know.
She’s
challenges. You may have burning questions for which
become the cornerstone of my recovery and I owe her,
there are no answers. You may feel as if you’ll never get
big time. I often wish I could express how much she
your life straightened out. So, take comfort in knowing
means to me, but I can never find the appropriate words
the depth of your anguish is equal to the depth of your
to describe my gratitude for her unwavering support, her
character.
kindness and her remarkable depth of good character. She is truly invaluable to me. Through her unconditional acceptance of my shortcomings, I have rediscovered the value of true friendship. She’s played a pivotal role in redefining the way I view life, and as a result, I’m excited for what lies ahead. So, long story short, I have a lot to lose. I have a lot worth fighting for. Sure, slips will happen. That’s the natural trajectory of recovery. Ups and downs. But hopefully, the downs are short lived. I guess all I can do is go with
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