Recovery winter2016

RECOVERY

WINTER 2016

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

CONCURRENT DISORDERS The fight between mental illness and addiction.

SUBOXONE

Safe, Comfortable Opiate Detox.

FENTANYL

Overdose rates on the rise in Canada.

ve For O

ears r 40 Y

Thorpe RECOVERY CENTRE

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

Concurrent Disorders IN THIS ISSUE CONCURRENT DISORDERS

Concurrent Disorders describes a condition in which a person has both a mental illness and a substance abuse problem.

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SUBOXONE FENTANYL DIET & NUTRITION FAMILY INTENSIVE

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When Mental Illness & Addiction take hold.

She lived in terror for 8 years as she watched her son Daniel struggle with mental illness and drug addiction.

What Was Lost.

The havoc addiction wreaks on the family.

“I was surprised to hear my mother mention ‘damaged’. I had always had the perception that once she got sober, everything felt right to her.”

RECOVERY M

A G A

Z

I

N

Impact of Diet and Nutrition on Recovery.

E

Thorpe Recover y Centre P.O. Box 291, Blackfoot, AB T0B 0L0

PH: 780.875.8890

Toll Free: 1.877.875.8890 w w w.thorperecover ycentre.org

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12

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In order to help people recover, it is important to understand the impact of nutrition.

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

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Suboxone for Safe, Comfortable Opiate Detox

Information on the Thorpe Recovery Centre’s Suboxone protocol in our medically supported detox program.

FENTANYL - Rate of overdoses in Canada rising.

Not since OxyContin has the medical field seen this type of substance abuse epidemic with such extreme negative consequences.

rs 0 Yea ver 4 For O

Thorpe RECOVERY CENTRE

Living your life in addiction is very difficult.

But...You are not alone.

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Thorpe Recovery Centre offers the environment and client centred programming necessary for you to begin your road to sobriety and recovery.

Dangerous...

Women Drinking Like Men

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If you are female, middle aged and have a job, you may be among the heaviest drinkers in North America.

The physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and financial costs of addiction are enormous and widespread, affecting individuals, families and communities across Canada. Even those who have not experienced substance use, gambling or sex addiction are likely to have family, friends or colleagues who have.

Facing My Mental Health Issues

I started using heroin when I was 13 years old...I used drugs to self-medicate my mental health issues.

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Call today: 780.875.8890 www.thorperecoverycentre.org

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THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

Mrs. Teressa Krueckl

Mr. Scott Abel

Mrs. Suzie Le Brocq

Executive Director

Operations Director

Clinical Director

Thorpe Recovery Centre

Thorpe Recovery Centre

Thorpe Recovery Centre

With over 13 years of combined experience in management and nonprofit agencies, Teressa Krueckl joined Thorpe Recovery Centre in 2012 and was appointed Executive Director in September of 2013. To improve the quality of life in her community Teressa has also participated in the coordination of a local community drug coalition and has held volunteer board positions in crime prevention initiatives. Currently, Teressa is a member of the Lloydminster Border City Rotary Club and continues to engage in community and fund development opportunities through the Centre.

As Operations Director, I am responsible for playing a key role in both the long term and short term strategic decision making here at the TRC, as well as overseeing the administration of subordinate managers with the Maintenance, Human Resources, IT and Administration departments. In addition to overseeing the day to day operations within these departments, my years of training and experience as a Chartered Professional Accountant assist me in providing financial leadership which includes managing budgets, overseeing the accounting and payroll functions, conducting forecast analyses, monitoring corporate credit and preparing the month end and fiscal year reports for both the Senior Management team as well as the Board of Directors.

Suzie Le Brocq is the Clinical Director of the Thorpe Recovery Centre.

She has a lifelong passion for working with people. Suzie values every therapeutic experience that she engages in and maintains a level of humour, honesty and integrity in her work. Training in both the UK (as a native Brit) and North America, her career in the field of addiction and eating disorders has taken her to Europe, North America and the South Pacific. She has an extensive understanding of the treatment of addiction from a number of different treatment modalities and methodologies.

As Executive Director Teressa is responsible for working with the Board of Directors to develop and execute a strategic plan that advances the Society’s mission and objectives all the while promoting revenue, profitability and growth of the organization. Teressa also coordinates the Senior Management Team ensuring the organization is operating efficiently, providing quality services and utilizing cost-effective management resources.

Teressa is honoured to be a part of the Centre’s 40 year legacy. “The work inside the Thorpe is always inspiring. The Thorpe Recovery Centre offers an opportunity for individuals and families to find healing from addiction and grow in recovery.”

4

Having grown up in Lloydminster and continuing to live here and raise my own family, I have always heard about the Thorpe Recovery Centre. Since joining the TRC Senior Management Team, my eyes have been opened to a whole new world and a greater appreciation of just what a wonderful facility we have, including the people that day after day work hard to help the clients who have come to us for treatment.

Suzie has 15 years global experience, working primarily with individuals and families dealing with addiction (drug, alcohol, gambling, process and sex addiction) as well as individuals suffering with an eating disorder. She works predominately with a cognitivebehavioural model of therapy, focusing on the relationship between a person’s thinking, emotions and behaviours. Suzie also takes a ‘trauma informed’ approach to her work with addicts and their families and she has a good understanding of the 12 Steps. She has experience in working with individuals, group therapy, inpatient continuing care, intensive out-patient program, drug monitoring and clinical consultation.

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

Concurrent Disorders. “A person with a mental health problem has a higher risk of having a substance use problem, just as a person with a substance use problem has an increased chance of having a mental health problem.�

Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA)

Concurrent disorders describes a condition

how many people have a concurrent disorder

in which a person has both a mental illness

because

and a substance use problem. This term is

populations and utilize differing screening tools.

a general one and refers to a wide range of

Further, people with concurrent disorders are

mental illness and addictions. For example,

frequently misidentified as diagnosis can be more

someone with schizophrenia who abuses cannabis has a concurrent disorder, as does an individual who suffers from chronic depression and who is also an alcoholic.

Treatment approaches for each case would be quite different.

studies

examines

different

difficult because one order can mimic another.

Relapse rates for substance use are higher for people with a concurrent disorder, as are the chances that symptoms of mental illness will return for those with a concurrent substance use problem. Depending on the setting, prevalence

Another term for concurrent disorder is comorbidity.

existing

In the United States, the terms

rates for concurrent disorders have been found to range from 20 to 80 percent.

dual diagnosis, dual disorder or mentally ill chemical abuser are used to refer to

What is known conclusively, however is that people

concurrent disorders.

In Canada, dual

with mental illness have much higher rates of

diagnosis usually refers to someone with

addiction than people in the general population.

a

Similarly, individuals with an addiction have much

mental

disorder

and

a

co-occuring

development disability.

It’s challenging to determine conclusively

higher rates of mental illness than people in the general population.

One large US study found

that approximately a third of people with a mental

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THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

or alcohol disorder had a concurrent disorder, and of the people with drug problems had a mental disorder.

A

smaller

study

in

Edmonton,

Alberta had similar findings.

In this

study, almost a third of mentally ill individuals also had a substance use problem, almost a third of those with alcohol dependency also had

What Do you Say to the Person who Thinks Addiction is a Choice?

By Amy Baumgardner

a psychiatric diagnosis, and among

How do you respond when someone looks at you and laughs when

illicit drug users, almost half had a

you use the words alcoholism and disease in the same sentence? Not

mental illness.

everyone will agree that addiction is a disease. Can you deter them from judging you for your illness? Does it matter?

Regardless of whether someone believes alcoholism is a choice or a disease, the causes of addiction are deeply rooted within the individual.

Don’t Don’t Let Let Another Another Day Day Slip Slip By By Without Without

HELP

Unless a person is willing to seek help for addiction and its underlying causes, it’s inevitable he or she will suffer from the symptoms.

For me, the most terrifying companion of my addiction was depression.

For many addicts there is a definite connection between the two, as there was for me. Early in my drinking, I found I was using alcohol as a means to relax, decompress or drown my sorrows. Anytime there was a major stressful event, like a break-up or an argument, my alcohol was there. A few beers always took the edge off just enough so I could negotiate the pitfalls of my day. The tranquilizing effect of alcohol gave my emotions a time-out so I could regain some control, or so I thought.

Did my drinking cause my depression or did my depression cause me

Let’s Let’s Talk Talk 1.877.875.8890 1.877.875.8890

to drink too much? It is quite possible that both my drinking and my depression shared some environmental factors that triggered both conditions simultaneously. Anytime I met with conflict or discomfort, I sought refuge in a drink. Although I would feel a release, that release was short-lived. Before I knew it, I was ingesting more and more to get the same effect.

No doubt about it, alcoholism can cause serious damage to a person’s life. It wasn’t long before I was in deep financial, relationship and legal troubles.

Not to mention the moral and ethical dilemmas I created.

My poor choices and crippling hangovers threw me into a downward spiral of depression and self-defeating behaviours. And now my genetic

6

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

makeup may influence me towards

I was miserable, sad, overwhelmed

circumstances slowly improved and

both

and hopeless; in a word, depressed.

I was guided through my depression

Because

into recovery.

depression

and

chemical

dependency?

of

these

despondent

feelings, I chose to self-medicate We can also find studies showing

instead of seeking help from a

No

increased

consumption

professional bad decision. Drinking

addiction and depression, today

has neurotoxic effects on the brain,

made my circumstances worse; and

I feel good about my life and the

effects which increase the risk of

the worse things became the more

direction in which it is heading. I no

depression.

I drank. I ignored my emotions and

longer ride the wave of despair. I

wished they would go away.

stand confidently in my own skin

alcohol

Great,

wonderful,

marvelous, good to know...but what does all this mean?

From what I

matter

the

causes

of

my

and am living the life I had always

have read, this may mean there is

Once I was ready to admit I had a

a correlation between substance

drinking problem and was willing

abuse and a substance-induced

to talk with someone about it,

mood disorder. I was not surprised

my outlook on life, though not

to find my own addiction’s co-pilot

necessarily

was depression. During my drinking

improved.

my

circumstances,

Over

time

imagined.

Amy Baumgardner is an author, freelance writer and truth-teller. She is committed to her recovery and sharing her message of faith, hope and forgiveness.

my

You are a REAL LIFE SAVER! Who knew saving a life could be so rewarding.

How you donate is up to you. You can give a lot, a little, all at once, or in monthly installments.

Save a life by giving to the Addictive Disorders Program or Health & Wellness Initiative; save a family by giving to the Family Intensive; or ensure someone undergoing detoxification is in a safe and warm building by giving to the Capital Fund. The choice is yours.

giving@thorperecoverycentre.org Toll Free: 1.877.875.8890 www.thorperecoverycentre.org

Years er 40 v O r Fo

Thorpe RECOVERY CENTRE

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THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

When Mental Illness & Addiction Take Hold.

Barbara Theodosiou with Kelly Wallace CNN (CNN)

Barbara

Theodosiou

at the other end

anxiously awaited each text and

of the line. She

call.

immediately

Still, her stomach turned

every time her phone would ring

called out to her

or vibrate. Every time there was a

husband

knock at the door.

on the phone with

to

get

her. “I never wanted Sometimes, she would even turn

to be alone to find out

her phone off at night -- the fear of

something happened to

getting that life altering news was

Daniel,” she said during a

too much to bear. She lived with

phone interview from her home

that terror for eight years as her

in Davie, Florida.

son Daniel a boy whom she says “painted, wrote poems and told

Being an addicts mom: “It’s just a

his mother endlessly how much he

very, very sad place.” It was the

loved her,” struggled with mental

call she feared most. Daniel, just

illness and drug addiction.

23, was gone. He had drowned in Florida’s Inter-coastal Waterway.

8

Barbara Theodosiou says her son

Her life, like the lives of parents

Danial was a victim of a “broken”

too numerous to count who have

mental health and criminal justice

also lost children to addiction, was

system.

forever changed.

In April, after Daniel had gone

“There is no peace for me ever

missing for about a week, her

again. This is a life sentence,” she

phone rang with a police sergeant

said in a speech paying tribute to

her son during a special event in her town in honour of The Addicts Mom, the Facebook community she founded in 2008 to support families battling the disease of addiction. “It shocks me. It crushes me.

It steals my soul,” she said.

“There are no breaks, no holidays, there is no solace here. And I spend every second wishing I had my son

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

before drugs.” But, despite her grief

Her eldest son Peter, now 26, started

ADHD and suggested medication,

-- and perhaps because of it, she is

using prescription drugs and then

but

more determined than ever to make

escalated to heroin.

He has been

it. Her brother was a heroin addict

sure that Daniel’s life was not lived in

in recovery for 4½ years , graduated

and she worried about her children

vain.

college and plans to start graduate

taking medication and eventually

school in the fall.

becoming addicted.

story and raising awareness to help

At 15, Daniel started what’s called

“My kids were young. I didn’t really

people dealing with both mental

robo-tripping, where he would take

want to start them on medication.

illness and substance abuse and

large quantities of cough medicine to

I was really scared,” she said.

pushing for reforms in schools and

get high. Theodosiou believes Daniel

now wonders about that decision.

prisons to make sure they get the

turned to cough medicine, when he

“It might have been effective, but I

treatment they need.

continued to abuse until his death, to

don’t know, I’ll never know.”

Theodosiou

decided

against

She is now committed to telling his

She

cope with the pain of mental illness.

The numbers don’t lie -- mental illness

Ever since Daniel started elementary

Theodosiou

and substance abuse often overlap.

school, he struggled socially, said his

mental health resources in Daniel’s

Nearly

mom.

schools.

9

million

people

have

He was bullied, ostracized,

says “When

there

were

students

no

would

concurrent disorders, meaning they

disruptive in the classroom. By middle

complain about him, he would be

have both a mental and substance

school he was sad and becoming

put in detention, sitting by himself in

abuse disorder.

angry.

another room. Years later, he would

However, only 7%

of them get treatment for both

begin to tell me that really broke

conditions, with a staggering 56%

Barbara Theodosiou says her goal

him,” she said. “As he started to use

receiving no treatment at all.

Add

now is to make sure Daniel’s life was

drugs, what he would say to me when

in a justice system that isn’t always

not a life lived in vain. “I took him to

I would go to the hospital... ’Mom, I

equipped to handle mental illness,

a psychiatrist at the tender age of

only want to be normal’.”

and you have a recipe for disaster,

12,” said Theodosiou. “There was no

Theodosiou says.

definitive diagnosis.”

Interviewers Note:

The Addict’s Mom

Was it:

People who are mentally ill and abuse

I got to know Theodosiou last year

•

Attention-deficit disorder?

substances are at “increased risk

as I reported a lengthy story on the

•

Hyperactivity disorder?

of impulsive and potentially violent

mothers of addicts, revealing how

•

Obsessive-compulsive disorder?

acts,” according to the National

they cope with the incomprehensible

•

Bipolar disorder?

Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI).

challenges

•

Aspergers Syndrome

They are less likely to achieve lasting

of

supporting

their

addicted child while not enabling their disease.

sobriety,

more

likely

to

become

Theodosiou says she’ll never know

physically

for sure because as Daniel started

substance of choice and to end up

Theodosiou came to this mission

abusing drugs, he was never sober

in legal trouble from their substance

not by choice, she says, but after

long enough to really get to the root of

abuse, according to NAMI.

learning -- during a six month span --

the problem. When he was younger,

that two of her children were addicts.

one doctor said he might have

dependent

on

their

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THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

A Story of Mental Illness & Addiction

By Susan Mifsud, In Supportive Minds

Who am I and why would you want

In the Fall of 2007 I heard Margaret

about my ability to manage my

to read my story?

I am no one

Trudeau speak about her mental

illness. Then, as it happens in life, I hit

extraordinary -- a single mother

health struggles. Her story resonated

my literal bump in the road.

of two young adult sons; a middle

with me, and after so many years of

aged

denial, I realized depression wasn’t

In 2013 I found myself dealing with

career; a voracious reader and so-so

a temporary state for me.

I made

debilitating anxiety as a number

housekeeper. I’m also someone who

changes in my home and work life.

of struggles took their toll on my

kept her mental illness and addiction

When my energy was low I reached

mental and physical health. Perhaps

a secret for many years. In my life, I

out to my friends for support.

I

the hardest of all to handle was

have been an unwilling passenger

walked regularly, monitored my sleep

helplessly watching my older son’s

on the roller coaster of depression:

patterns - neither too much nor too

heartbreaking battle with his own

the low lows, the trip to the doctor’s

little - and tried to maintain a healthy

mental health issues.

office, the medication, the belief

balance of work and play. Then I took

using the coping strategies that I

that I was ‘well’ and no longer

another step: I started to tell people

knew worked for me, I started to

needed anti-depressants (stopping

that I lived with a mental illness.

self medicate with alcohol as a way

woman

with

a

successful

sometimes with and often without

Instead of

to numb pain and stop my racing

my doctor’s knowledge), and the

I spoke about my challenges and my

thoughts. My new definition of work

inevitable downward spiral.

recovery.

Instead of the negative

life balance was doing both equally

response that I had feared, I received

poorly and I was back on the roller

At my worst, I lost interest in everything

words of encouragement and many,

coaster: alcohol dulled the anxiety,

that brought me joy.

I became

many stories of family, friends and

but it always returned tenfold the

panicked at even the thought of

people I knew who also lived with a

next day. In my moments of clarity, I

having to meet with people at work

mental illness. The conversations were

would recognize the pattern, resolve

or socially, would bolt from wherever

heartbreaking, inspiring and freeing.

to stop drinking. Then, the hamster on

I was and eventually take to my

Sometimes people would say to me

the wheel in my head would become

bed. I told everyone that my Crohn’s

that I didn’t look like a depressed

too much, and only alcohol could

disease was in flare-up; which was so

person;

put me to sleep for a few short hours.

much easier than admitting to myself

person, with a depressive disorder. I

or others that I was dealing with a

had several years of relative stability

I was deeply ashamed and while

mental illness.

and perhaps even got a little cocky

I continued to be open about my

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I told them I was a happy

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

depression, my alcohol abuse was a brand new secret to keep. Sometimes blessings arrive in ugly brown paper wrapping: a car accident and arrest

My Story of Recovery - Anonymous, The Fix

There is nothing like being

I was diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was 19 and it took years to

handcuffed in the back of a police

educate myself about the perils of addiction that went along with it so

car

clarity

well but, I kept asking questions of professionals to get the information

about how out of control your life has

I needed. I was a top student in high school and I enjoyed learning.

become. My salvation was two-fold:

Then I found marijuana, mushrooms, alcohol and LSD, my life slowly

I did not hurt myself or anyone else

changed from being an overachiever to a girl who barely could function. I

and my hidden drinking was no longer

knew something was wrong because my self judgment and boundaries

ignorable.

disappeared. I acted differently, lost friends and despite all the warnings

for DUI. to

provide

complete

I was able to attend a

day treatment program that focused

went to party after party to get high. I quickly spiraled out of control.

on life skills and coping strategies.

Almost a year later, I still attend their

When I got my diagnosis of schizophrenia I did not think to change my

aftercare program where I note that

life. I still drank heavily with friends and continued to do drugs. I did

many of the participants also have

not even have a glimpse of hope or recovery. I didn’t even know the world

concurrent disorders.

existed outside of myself and circle of drug using friends. I did not know the concept of health and making sane choices, but learned about that as I

Who am I? I am one of the ‘one in

participated in programs. I did not know what volunteering was or how to

five’.

get a job, but was taught that by the supportive people around me that were

I am passionate about the

removal

of

stigma

and

helping

there to help me recover.

others, but believe me when I say it is not all altruistic. Secrets make us sick

Darkness and chaos was my life back then, but now I make choices that

and each time I tell my story, I remind

benefit my life and I set goals that I know I can achieve. It took years to

myself that whenever I deny my

undo the damage of a lot of wasted time. I missed out on so much because

illness, I open the door for depression

I made the choice to follow a dragon of misery.

and his close friend alcoholism to silently creep back in and start to

While I was doing drugs my symptoms never ceased, and when I came down

control my life.

from a high or alcoholic stupor they would get worse. I never got the full value of my meds during these times and looking back I know the clean

I hope that my story will contribute

life is the better life. I now stay abstinent from drugs and am relatively

to opening the dialogue towards

system free. I also use a lot of coping strategies like deep breathing and

removing

shame

relaxation to stay that way. It took some awesome role models and some

that surrounds mental illness and

great resourcefulness for me to find the right programs and get the right

addiction.

Please check out the

help to overcome my demons. I know it can be done, and I know it is my

http://healthymindscanada.ca

responsibility to make it happen with the supports my community has to

for more stories and information on

offer. I live and breathe “Hope” now and want others to know they can get

concurrent disorders.

out of the darkness and live a happy and productive life free from unhealthy

site:

stigma

and

addiction. My support system and the love and compassion of my family and doctors keep me on a wellness path.

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THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

What Was Lost The Havoc Addiction Wreaks on the Family.

By Peggy McGillicudy, Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation I had a recent conversation with

assumed that AA was the answer,

making new friends and forgiving

my mother about the evolution of

nothing else was needed. Now I see

herself for mistakes she had made.

addiction treatment. She broached

newly sober women in my work who

the topic, having just attended a

are taking advantage of everything

A divorce from my father seemed

training session at the addiction

treatment has to offer.

They are

to solidify her new life apart from us

centre that she works for. My mom

including their family, their kids in the

and my brother, my sister and I were

is a substance abuse counselor and

process. I try to imagine what would

left to deal with the aftermath. I was

also has 30 years of sobriety through

have been different for our family if

thirteen and my family had splintered

AA. She was remarking on how much

I had that opportunity. There would

apart.

things had changed since she got

have been much less damage done

newfound connection to the world,

sober thirty years ago.

to my relationship with you kids.”

we floundered.

“You know, I have to remind myself to

I was surprised to hear my mother

For the next fifteen years, we all

be open, that there is no ‘one way’

mention “damaged”. I had always

seemed to take turns at our own

for someone to obtain recovery. I

had the perception that once she got

breakdowns

got sober through AA and I used to

sober, everything felt right to her. It

somehow forging ahead with life.

be judgmental about people who

had seemed to me that my mom had

Alcoholism, denial and divorce had

needed treatment.

simply moved forward, attending AA,

wreaked havoc on our emotional

12

I mean, I just

While Mom revealed in her

and

catastrophes,

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

lives and it wasn’t until I was thirty

trigger is the shame and guilt people

to begin with. I grieve more for the

years old that I sought help for myself.

feel over the potential damage they

in-between time, the lost, floundering

I had spent many years being angry

have done to their kids. These feelings

years of messiness after my mother

at, yet yearning for, my mother.

are often the reason that parents

stopped drinking, when the rest of

refuse to include their children in the

us fumbled along, pretending that

recovery process.

none of it had ever happened.

I

The stigma around

It

was too painful to talk about and we

women with addiction is great, and a special kind of judgment is often

“They’re too young...they don’t know

didn’t know any better. The wounds

the extent of my addiction” and

were raw and there seemed to be

“They’ll think I’m a bad parent; it will

nobody willing or able to guide us

make things worse”

are frequent

into our own recovery. Instead, we

The look in their eyes

continued to acquire layers of pain

reveals the extent of their pain. I try

and misunderstanding, resulting in

to gently explain that dealing with

guilt, shame, sadness and a heaviness

it sooner rather than later can be a

that seemed to never go away.

statements.

reserved for mothers.

remedy for a world of pain tomorrow. longed for a positive relationship with

I am a great example of this.

My mom is right;

her, but I had been too focused on

the opportunities

in treatment for the whole family

the fact that she “chose” alcohol

Addiction wreaks havoc, not just

will make a world of difference.

(and then her sobriety) over my

on the afflicted person, but on their

our entire family had received help

brother, my sister and me.

most cherished loved ones. I spent

instead of just my mother, things

a good deal of my youth and early

would have been very different.

The

stigma

around

women

If

with

adulthood assuming that I had been

addiction is great, and a special

abandoned, that my mother “chose”

Recovery should never be about

kind of judgment is often reserved

alcohol over me, that she had left

one person - it’s about the collective

for mothers.

us because we hadn’t mattered.

group, the family...and even the kids.

I realized after this

I

conversation that while I had always

was

been preoccupied with my own

that affirmed this for me, and even

grief over the loss of my family, I

had a few well meaning therapists

had rarely considered my mothers.

(with no understanding of addiction

What must it have been like for her

- and there are lots of those out

to lose her children? To be labeled

there) confirm this misconception. I

website at

the ‘bad guy’? Mom rarely speaks

have yet to meet any parent who

www.thorperecoverycentre.org

of these feelings to me. Most likely

has consciously made the “choice”

because she feels a strong sense

between drugs and alcohol or their

of boundaries and of not wanting

children.

bombarded

with

messages

her kids to be burdened with her emotional baggage.

Check Out Thorpe Recovery Centre’s Family Intensive on our

Family Intensive Dates February 11 - 14, 2016

When I think about what happened in my family, there is still so much grief.

From my work with children and

But this grief is not over the fact that

parents, I know that a huge relapse

we ever had to deal with addiction

13

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

Impact of Diet & Nutrition on Recovery In order to help people recover, it is important to understand the impact of nutrition.

It is astounding to

consider that only fat contains more calories per gram than alcohol.

As a result, while drinking, addicts experience

a

sense

of

fullness

having eaten very little or nothing.

These “empty calories� lead to poor

a poor

eating habits and malnutrition. Drug

appetite.

abusers experience a similar affect.

As

Alcohol and drugs actually keep

they have a special

the body from properly absorbing

need for foods that are

and breaking down nutrients and

high in nutrients to rebuild

expelling toxins. This leads to a host

damaged

of health problems.

regain

a

result,

tissues,

organs

appropriate

and

functioning

of the various systems including The essence of recovery is changing

the nervous and gastrointestinal

negative behaviours into positive

systems.

ones.

Good nutrition, relaxation

and exercise all play an important

Every

role in successful change. Learning

struggles

to make healthy food choices is

use

important to achieving a healthy

Research has shown that

lifestyle.

a diet with the right types of

Because their

they

diet,

have

addicts

neglected experience

newly

with

alcohol

high

recovering

addict

cravings and

protein

to

drugs.

and

high

carbohydrate rich foods can make a big difference.

gastrointestinal disorders such as diarrhea, constipation, an inability

Food

to digest foods properly, along with

with amino acids, deficiency of

14

affects

mood.

Along

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

nutrients like folic acid and the other B-complex vitamins also have a

•

Go decaf. The caffeine found in soda, tea and other drinks are stimulating. It can trigger mood fluctuations that make it harder to resist cravings for alcohol or drugs.

•

Avoid sugary foods and refined carbohydrates. Use extra caution if you have a sweet tooth or gravitate toward refined carbohydrates such as pastries, cake or white bread.

Like caffeine, sugar and refined carbohydrates can cause mood fluctuations that may make it harder for you to make healthy choices. They also provide empty calories that fill you up and make you less likely to eat the nutrient-rich foods your body so desperately needs.

•

Eat antioxidant-rich foods. Antioxidants play a vital role in boosting your immune system. They help protect cells from free radical damage that can lead to cancer. Fruits and vegetables are jam-packed with their powerful nutrients, making them a good choice for rebuilding a strong immune system during your recovery. Add fresh fruits (apples, strawberries, blueberries, etc.) and raw or lightly cooked vegetables (broccoli, peppers, carrots, etc.) to your daily diet. As a bonus, these nutrientdense foods help restore your skin and hair, which often visibly deteriorate when you’re using alcohol or drugs.

•

Power your body with protein.

When it comes to nurturing a recovering brain, protein is a key building block. If your liver is not too badly damaged, quality proteins will help it become more efficient. Just be sure to choose healthy, easy-to-digest protein sources like fish, poultry and beans.

•

Fill up with fiber. Since alcohol and drug abuse upset your digestive system, adding fiber to your diet will go a long way towards helping your body recuperate. Start replacing white flour foods with 100% whole grains. Brown rice, black beans, artichokes, peas and whole grain pasta will also provide valuable roughage for your system. To jump-start your fiber intake, consider using an over-the-counter fiber supplement.

serious and negative impact. Sugar and caffeine can contribute to mood swings, so intake of both should be reduced during the early stages of recovery.

Alcohol

and

drugs

prevents

the

body from properly processing two important amino acids, tyrosine and tryptophan. They are responsible for the production of norepinephrine, dopamine

and

compounds that

are

serotonin.

are

The

neurotransmitters

essential

for

emotional

stability, mental clarity and a general state of well being. Decreased levels of these neurotransmitters negatively affect mood and behaviour.

Tyrosine

is

a

precursor

neurotransmitters and

to

the

norepinephrine

dopamine

--

chemical

messengers that promote mental acuity

and

alertness.

It

is

a

nonessential amino acid found in protein-rich foods such as meat poultry, seafood and tofu.

Tryptophan

is

integral

to

the

production of serotonin, which has a calming effect and is important for proper sleep. It is found in foods such as bananas, milk and sunflower seeds, as well as turkey meat.

The following guidelines will provide a starting point to begin revitalizing your body, your brain chemistry and your self-esteem with proper nutrition.

• Be a smart snacker. Eating regular, healthy snacks that contain some protein will help regulate your blood sugar. Stable blood sugar levels help keep your mood stable. In other words, light snaking, or mini meals, will reduce those between-meal mood dips that make it harder to resist the craving to use. Light snacks for someone in alcohol or drug treatment might include a handful of nuts, a hard-boiled egg, or fresh fruit with cheese or yogurt.

• Do a diet do-over. With all the damage addiction does to your body, it may be necessary to consider a complete diet overhaul. For example, some recovering addicts have transformed their physical health with a macrobiotic diet. This diet focuses on creating a healthy, balanced body by eating only unprocessed, organic foods. Whole grains like brown rice, millet and rye, as well as vegetables, fruit and soup make up the bulk of a macrobiotic way of life. As with any diet, it’s always wise to talk with your doctor before starting.

True recovery from substance abuse is about restoring your mind and your body. Good nutrition is one of the best ways to replenish a body that’s been ravished by addiction.

15

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

Thorpe Uses Suboxone For Safe, Comfortable Opiate Detox

At Thorpe Recovery Centre, clients

debilitating

opiate

opiate agonist that was originally

who are looking to withdraw from

addiction. Our medical staff assess

developed to treat pain syndromes.

opiates can do so safely and

the client’s need for Suboxone and

Suboxone

comfortably through the use of

determines the appropriate course

receptor in the brain, which is the

Suboxone,

of treatment.

same receptor to which morphine,

a

medication

that

virtually stops withdrawal symptoms from opiate drugs such as Vicodin,

effects

of

to

the

opioid

heroin and other opiates bind.

What is Suboxone?

heroin, codeine, morphine and

16

binds

What makes Suboxone unique and

OxyContin. The drug is only used

Suboxone is approved to treat

valuable in addiction treatment

during the detoxification period

withdrawal from opiates and is one

is that it is a partial agonist.

so that once a client is stabilized,

of two forms of the medication

means that at low doses, it acts

he or she can be free from the

buprenorphine,

which

is

an

This

the same as any other opiate in

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

suppressing pain. But as the dosage is

that the client stays on the drug

increased, it starts to block the opioid

after being stabilized -- at Thorpe,

receptor, and doesn’t allow it to be

we only use the drug for the initial

stimulated.

detoxification period.

This allows clinicians to

We believe

stop withdrawal symptoms without

that for most people the goal of

having to worry that the patient will

recovery is to be off drugs completely.

begin abusing Suboxone. In addition,

Maintenance opiate treatment, even

Suboxone makes it impossible to get

when controlled and supervised, can

high on other opiates.

If someone

be a disappointment for those whose

is taking Suboxone and then uses

ultimate objective is to live a drug

heroin or OxyContin, they won’t feel

free life.

any euphoria from the illicit drugs.

How is it used at Thorpe?

Is it Addictive?

Drugs that have the greatest abuse

Our

Suboxone

detoxification

for

potential are those with a shorter

opiate users is generally 10 days. It

half-life

begins with a 4 day drug protocol

quickly into the brain.

and then a 6 day observation period

has a very long half life and absorbs

while the client is still in Detox.

slowly through the blood vessels

and

that

are

absorbed Suboxone

under the tongue, so it has a much If an opiate user were to stop abruptly

lower

--or “cold turkey”--he or she would

other prescription opiates (Vicoden,

go into withdrawal within a few hours,

Percocet, OxyContin) and heroin.

which

includes

sweating,

addiction

potential

than

racing

heart beat, nausea, muscle pain,

People can and do take Suboxone

inability to sleep and severe anxiety.

for recreation, but most people who

When a client arrives at Thorpe, he

take it this way are not typically

or she has likely taken their last dose

dependent on more potent opiates

of opiates within 4 - 12 hours and

since the effects of Suboxone are

may already be experiencing mild

much less intense.

withdrawal symptoms.

to

see

people

It is very unusual regularly

abuse

Suboxone, as most people who use it Once mild symptoms are present, the

illicitly do so when they can’t get their

client is given a dose of Suboxone.

hands on their preferred opiate like

It is important that Suboxone not be

heroin or Vicodin. Another benefit of

given until mild symptoms show, as it

using the drug for detoxification only

could actually precipitate withdrawal

is that the short-term usage prevents

symptoms

early.

people from using it in ways that

Although Suboxone is approved for

are not intended by their addiction

maintenance

treatment team.

if

given

too

treatment--meaning

6 Essential Benefits of Addiction Treatment Medications can reduce cravings and withdrawal symptoms to a manageable level. They help you stabilize and focus and they greatly increase your odds of lasting change - but as powerful as medications like Suboxone are, they’re not a magic cure: you’ll still need to work very hard. Below is a list to help keep you focused on other aspects of your treatment.

1. Sustaining Motivation It’s important to prepare for downturns and make certain that your long-term goals drive your day to day behaviours.

2. Increase Relapse Prevention Skills Long-term goals are only as useful as your ability to manage immediate impulses and cravings.

Therefore, virtually all addiction treatment programs teach relapse prevention skills.

3. Replacing Negative Activities with Constructive Habits.

If you take Suboxone, but continue to engage in all the same negative or risky behaviours of active addiction you are likely to fall back to getting high.

4. Improve Frustration Tolerance and Problem Solving Ability.

By letting small problems build into overwhelming obstacles you increase the amount of frustration in your life. In the past you turned to drug or alcohol as a way to cope with frustration, what will you turn to now?

5.

Build and Sustain Healthy and Supportive Relationships.

Most people in active addiction behave in ways that diminish the trust and solidity of important relationships. In addiction treatment you may receive couples or family counseling to help repair past damage and to rebuild healthier systems that support recovery.

6. Improve Your Community Functioning

17

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

It’s no wonder. In British Columbia deaths from fentanyl overdoses

have increased from 5% of overall drug-

related deaths in 2012 to 25% in 2014. In August 2015, Vancouver saw 16 fentanyl overdoses in one day - six of which happened in a single hour. Given the rise in overdoses associated with this potentially fatal drug, more information is desperately needed in order to understand how fentanyl has caused so many problems so quickly. Not since OxyContin has the medical field see this type of substance abuse epidemic with such extreme negative consequences.

It is important to

examine what is known about fentanyl so we can understand how and why there is such widespread availability and how its misuse is resulting in such dire outcomes.

FENTANYL - What We Know Fentanyl is a synthetic opioid that was developed in Europe in the 1950’s and made its way to North America

Fentanyl

Rate of overdoses in Canada rising.

By Iryna Gavrysh and Dr. Simone Arbour

in the 1970’s.

Fentanyl has analgesic properties and

was predominantly used in medicine for the purposes of pain management. Fentanyl can appear in lozenges, sprays, inhalers and in pill form. But it is most commonly prescribed in a patch and is absorbed through the skin.

The patch slowly releases the drug for up to 72 hours of pain relief.

Fentanyl is approximately 100 times more potent than morphine, so it is helpful for individuals looking for relief from chronic or acute pain caused by surgery or illnesses such as cancer. Because the pain medication is released slowly over time, the patch contains a large amount of the drug. When used properly, the patch

Over the past couple of years, and especially in the past few months, media attention about the potential danger of illicit Fentanyl use has exploded.

medication provides long-term pain relief, typically achieving maximum concentrations within 17 to 48 hours.

Dangerous If Misused Although it has been used successfully to target moderate to severe pain, fentanyl is a powerful opioid with many dangerous side effects if misused.

18

This

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

medication has the potential to

fentanyl in this way have several ways

application of heat to the patch or

decrease an individual’s heart rate

of tampering with the patch.

replacing the patch over abraded

and respiration, inhibit the central

skin can lead to an overdose.

nervous system and lead to loss of

Misuse And Fatal Overdose

Although

consciousness or even death.

Its

In the late 1990’s, OxyContin received

happen, it is intentional misuse of the

effects depend on the individual’s

a lot of attention due to widespread

drug that causes the most problems.

physiological

over-prescription, misuse and abuse.

Individuals misuse fentanyl when they

with

It was prescribed by physicians as

are taking the drug to get high. This

taking opioids. As with other opioid

a powerful pain medication and,

dangerous practice has led to most

medications,

like

of the fatal overdoses observed over

and

makeup,

previous

tolerance

experience

fentanyl

presents

a

fentanyl,

its

misuse

resulting

became in

many

such

accidents

can

significant potential for abuse and

problematic,

addiction, particularly if it is obtained

overdoses and causing concern for

and used for purposes other than

the healthcare community and the

In order to address this emerging

pain relief.

public.

problem, the British Columbia Centre

This concern regarding the

the last few months.

widespread

abuse

of

OxyContin

for Disease Control has released

prompted

drug

manufacturers

a set of recommendations to the

has been focused on the abuse

to introduce a new medication,

community that, in the short term

of

especially

OxyNeom which couldn’t be crushed

could reduce the number of fatal

because it has made its way into the

or converted to liquid form - a step

fentanyl overdoses. It is recommended

underground drug market in several

designed to minimize the likelihood

that drug users be aware that the

different ways. It is often used as a

of misuse.

What makes fentanyl so

substances they are purchasing may

cheap alternative to lace heroin and

concerning is that it is far more potent

contain unknown doses of fentanyl.

other drugs. This means that users are

than OxyContin and therefore carries

The fact that this drug is prescribed

unaware of what they are actually

a far greater potential for harm or

by a doctor may lead recreational

buying and the strength of the drug

overdose. It is alarming that illicitly

users to believe it’s safe.

they are taking.

Furthermore, signs

manufactured fentanyl is being sold

it is clear that when misused or

and symptoms of a fentanyl overdose

in the underground market and

laced in other substances, this is not

have been found to closely resemble

being

the case.

that of heroin, making it more difficult

Unsuspecting users believe that they

that the medical community and

for clinicians in emergency settings

are taking a less powerful drug and

the public understand as much as

to identify the cause. The standard

put themselves in harm’s way.

possible about this potentially fatal

protocol of treatment for a heroin

“fake oxy” can contain variable

drug.

overdose may not be sufficient to

amounts of fentanyl and a milligram

demographic

treat an overdose of fentanyl, leading

difference in dosage could mean the

young professionals to those living

to an increased risk of mortality.

difference between life and death.

on the street, can gain access to this

Media

attention

this

around

medication,

fentanyl

mislabeled

as

OxyContin.

The

However,

It is therefore imperative

Individuals from all sociobackgrounds,

from

drug. Without adequate education grade

Deaths from fentanyl overdose have

and help, many may not realize

fentanyl being manufactured, but

occurred both from its misuse and

that what they’re taking can lead to

people with a legitimate prescription

abuse, as well as the result of adverse

extremely negative consequences.

for fentanyl are selling their new

reactions to legitimate, therapeutic

or used patches.

use.

Not

only

is

non-medical

People misusing

For

example,

accidental

19

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

Alberta Fentanyl Deaths Reach Crisis Levels

By Sarah Rieger The Huffinton Post

Albertans are dying from fentanyl overdoses at a rate of five to six people per week across the province, which has prompted Health Minister Sarah Hoffman to expand the government’s response to the deadly drug.

From January to September 2015, there

were

213

deaths

involving

fentanyl in Alberta - in 2011, that number was only 6. “We may have 1 person a week lost in Calgary, or more and we can’t continue this. We have to stop this,” Calgary Mayor Naheed Nenshi told the Calgary Herald.

The an

province additional

has

purchased

2,000

take-home

naloxone kits on the top of the 3,000

The Deeper Story

of Fentanyl

that they already have been made available.

Naloxone is a drug that

can reverse the side effects of opioids if administered within a certain time frame. The announcement is part of a $300,000 harm reduction program launched this summer to increase access to the kits.

“The graph for deaths related to fentanyl just goes straight up, it just a huge rise,” said Edmonton Police Detective Guy Pilon . “I don’t think we’ve come anywhere near the peak of this yet.”

20

Excerpts from Fentanyl: A Killer Drug Crisis Jonathon Gatehouse & Nancy Macdonald

Police and health workers now face an unprecedented situation, with a burgeoning street trade in both the legitimate prescription patches and illicitly manufactured fentanyl - often sold in pill form and made to look like OxyContin.

Fentanyl also available in liquid and powder form, is increasingly being used to cut cocaine and heroin, dramatically boosting their potency, often with fatal consequences. Indeed, fentanyl seems to be turning up almost everywhere you look. And it’s killing both inexperienced newbies and hardened addicts:

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

•

•

WINTER 2016

In Montreal, summer of 2014, there

city’s 3rd fatal fentanyl overdose in

Staff Sgt. Martin Schiavetta, of the

were at least 25 overdose deaths

five months. The 19 year old took half

Calgary police drug unit, said in a

- 6 of them in just 1 week in June

a “fake Oxy” pill, then lay down in the

recent interview with the CBC.

- linked to fentanyl-laced heroin.

living room with his blanket and his

fact, so much of the raw powder is

dog Kush. He placed his glasses and

now coming into the country that

Police in Moncton, N.B. found 2

favourite blue ballcap on the couch

Canadian dealers are said to be

men dead inside an apartment in

beside him. He never woke up.

exporting their excess product to

In

November 2015 with a package of fentanyl powder they had

The illicit fentanyl that’s currently

apparently purchased on-line.

flooding Canadian markets in pill form has more benign nicknames:

•

In Durham region, east of Toronto,

greenies, green beans and green

there were 11 fentanyl overdoses

monsters (all references to its emerald

8 of them fatal in Nov/Dec ‘15.

hue).

But that doesn’t make it any

less deadly. Stamped as OxyContin, •

Two major busts in Barrie, Ont.,

the fentanyl has been retailing for

involved

workers.

as little as $10 a pill -- an indication

One trafficking ring, in which false

of how cheap it is to manufacture

prescritions

and how easy it is to obtain the raw

the northwest United States.

the help of a medical secretary,

material.

The BC investigation in

fentanyl takes hold in a community,

included 2 dozen people and

March turned up two industrial pill

the effects can be devastating. North

1,000 patches. The other involved

presses that were used to make the

Bay, Ont., with a population of just

an emergency-room physician,

29,000 tablets. Two of the 14 people

55,000, has had 16 overdose deaths

who was charged with 68 counts

arrested in associated raids in Alberta

since 2007. To put it in perspective,

in

and Saskatchewan are “full-patch”

the city only had one murder over

members of the Hells Angels. A third

the same period.

man is the president of an affiliated

negative impacts,” says Det.-Const.

motorcycle gang, the Fallen Saints.

Brad Reaume of North Bay police

healthcare were

connection

prescriptions •

written

to

for

with

fraudulent 515

doses.

In the summer of 2014, 16 deaths and dozens of non-fatal overdoses

•

street-crime

unit.

When

“There’s a lot of

“A

$500-a-day

have occurred on the Blood First

Shutting down the “fake Oxy” trade

habit destroys a household.” Once,

Nation reserve near Lethbridge,

won’t be simple, however. This time,

he had to arrest a woman who was

AB,

there seem to be multiple sources for

smoking a patch in her car with her

the fentanyl. Police have suggested

18-month-old strapped in a child

that

are

seat in the back. Even the users were

March 2015 netted 29,000 “fake

involved in its importation, but that

becoming alarmed. In the summer

Oxy” fentanyl pills and $215,000

it’s being manufactured even farther

of 2013, Reaume and his partner

in cash. Police in Alberta have

afield, in places such as Turkey and

were out on patrol when an addict

seized more than 20,000 pills in

China.

flagged them down and begged

the last year.

on-line.

A

population Vancouver

just

police

12,000. raid

in

Mexican

drug

cartels

It can even be ordered “Companies

guarantee

them to get the drug off the streets.

Kelly Best of Saskatoon died late in

delivery, even if it’s seized by the

“ ‘It’s killing all my friends,’ is what he

the morning of January 3, 2015, the

Canadian Border Services Agency,”

told us,” says Reaume.

21

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

THIRSTY BUNCH YOU CAN BET ON ALBERTANS TO DRINK AND GAMBLE... ...RECESSION OR NO RECESSION.

By Michael Platt Postmedia Network

You want recession proof? Try 80 proof. Actually, you can go with alcohol of pretty much any strength, whether it’s wine, spirits or beer and the result stands.

Alberta, it seems, is drowning its sorrows, or maybe just drinking to

via gambling.

forget.

consumption typically stays steady,”

all.

said Robinson, who oversees what

ranks second only to Quebec when

Despite an economy in full hangover

is easily Alberta’s voluntary revenue

it comes to drinking, just ahead

mode,

stream.

of

Albertans

are

consuming

If there is one guy

something slightly cheaper.”

The

who’s not surprised to see people still

AGLC’s 2014-15 annual report, on-

drinking, it’s Bill Robinson, the AGLC’s

line: www.aglc.ca shows a province

president and chief executive officer.

either

drinking

to

numb

their

economic misery or simply sticking to “When

recessions

come,

alcohol

No one forces people to

old habits with a vengeance -- after Statistics Canada says Alberta

Newfoundland

and

Labrador.

while

drink, but Albertans are clearly keen

spending record amounts of cash on

volunteers, guzzling an extra 4.5 million

That doesn’t surprise Robinson either.

gambling.

litres of beer alone.

Robinson says

The AGLC boss, a former Mountie, says

some habits change like choosing a

Alberta is a young province (again,

That’s the conclusion of the Alberta

cheaper brand over the top shelf stuff.

according to Stats Canada we’re

Gaming and Liquor Commission’s

There are some dynamics that do

the youngest) and he says that adds

annual update on the sins of Alberta,

change.

up to a very sociable population.

which shows people in this province

or less in an economy like this, but

sucking back an extra 11.8 million

they do choose different types of

“Our consumption is high in part

litres of alcohol since the 2013-2014

drinks-so if you have someone who

because of that young demographic,

fiscal update while contributing an

normally drinks high-end wine, you

and that keeps our consumption

extra $57 million to provincial coffers

see them dropping down a shelf to

a little higher than that of other

more

22

booze

than

ever,

People don’t drink more

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

provinces,” said Robinson.

Overall,

population

increases,

which

hit

went to the General Revenue Fund

the flow of intoxicating fluid is up

4.2 million people in 2015, and

from liquor and licensing operations.”

across the board.

Robinson says that AGLC are not

The

concerned about the extra drinking.

volunteer

As well as that extra 4.5 million litres of

Lottery

Fund

and

goes

community

towards based

initiatives across the province, while

beer, Albertans toasted each other

“On the liquor side, we see strong,

the booze cash pays for everything

with an additional 3.3 million litres of

but

from roads to bridges and parks.

wine. In terms of hard alcohol, drinkers

said.

in this province put back an extra 550

gambling, with total revenue from

Despite the economy, the AGLC also

thousand litres and when cider and

electronic,

and

deals in hope. Robinson says people

coolers were tallied, another 340

charitable gambling totaling $2.1

do tend to keep gambling in a

thousand litres were slurped.

billion in the 2014-15 fiscal year.

recession, but the kind of games they

For a

not

excessive

“Its

the

growth,”

same

story

non-electronic

he with

province with highest booze prices

choose to play changes. “You find

in Canada, that adds up to a lot of

Both liquor and gaming profits are

ticketed lotteries start to pick up, while

cash: $2.5 billion in the last fiscal year,

returned to Alberta after expenses of

VLT’s and slot machines come down

versus $2.4 billion the year before.

course - and the report states that for

in this kind of economy,” he said.

2014-15, “more than $1.5 billion from

“It all boils down the amount of

extra

provincial gaming was placed in the

disposable income people are willing

drinking and revenue is due to

Alberta Lottery Fund and nearly $766

to spend.”

Of

course,

some

of

that

The 6 C’s of Recovery What I learned about courage and compassion in a 12 Step community.

By Fran Simone Ph.D.

share their pain. There are two great human

resources

on

alcoholism:

“Alcoholics are like everybody else:

recovering

sometimes amazing, loving, smart,

front line experience and combat

charming, funny and compelling.

veterans who have been exposed to

Unfortunately,

from

the active drinking of a loved one for

tremendous

long periods of time. I am a combat

It is a depleting,

veteran whose husband lost his battle

addiction

can

for loved ones.

the be

fallout

depressing and lonely life to be with

alcoholics

who

have

with alcoholism.

someone long-term who engages in such dangerous behaviour.”

was more than a lush, a drunk, a barfly.

He was a gifted lawyer, a

On Christmas day, 1996, my husband,

loving son, proud step-dad, loyal

Terry, committed suicide. He was only

friend, supportive husband and rabid

In 2013 the National Institute of Alcohol

47 years old. Although he admitted

Dallas Cowboy fan who eventually

Abuse and Alcoholism reported that

he was an alcoholic, he hated the

succumbed to this cunning disease.

16.6 million adults (USA) age 18 and

label with its image of street drunks

Terry was never mean, nasty or

older had an Alcohol Use Disorder.

clutching pints of rotgut liquor beside

violent. When drunk, he simply wasn’t

Many more millions family and friends

dumpsters in dark alleys. My husband

there. Immobile like a corpse. Once

23

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

“Why do you drink when it causes such heartache?”

“Oblivion,” he responded. “I like the oblivion.”

I asked, “Why do you drink when it

but I didn’t follow through.

I was

Early on, I was introduced to the 3 Cs

causes such heartache?” “Oblivion,”

too arrogant, willful and stubborn. I

about addiction. I didn’t cause it. I

he responded. “I like the oblivion.”

believed that I could fix my husband.

can’t cure it. I can’t control it. Over

Shortly after treatment, he relapsed.

the years, these Cs have become my

Terry inhabited a parallel universe:

For the remaining years until his death

“got to” mantra whenever I relapse

his hidden self and his public self.

we resumed our life of managing the

into old behaviours.

Like light which consists of wave and

disease.

particle, my husband was both things

Subsequently, I’ve added 3 more

at once--a baffling paradox. Shortly

Jump shift to several years later when

Cs:

after he died, I composed a poem

I discovered that my adult son was

community.

to “my husband of a thousand joys

abusing drugs. Once again I climbed

workshop where the leader asked,

and sorrows.” For every sad episode

on the roller coaster and redoubled

“What is the strength you already

associated with alcohol, there was

my efforts to fix my son. I wasn’t about

have which you can draw upon

an equally joyful time when Terry was

to lose him too.

to create the life you want for

sober.

but that didn’t stop me.

We careened between the

Nothing worked, Finally,

courage,

compassion

and

Recently I attended a

yourself? I jumped up and replied,

highs and lows of the roller coaster

after sever tsunamis, I was depleted,

“courage”.

ride of our marriage. Looking back, I

depressed and drowning in fear and

walk into a 12 Step meeting for the

recognize my part in this risky journey.

hopelessness. A friend invited me to

first time. I recall my apprehension,

I thrived on the melodrama. That’s

a 12 Step meeting where I discovered

self-consciousness and tears at my

likely why I didn’t embrace my own

I wasn’t alone.

initial meeting. (Thankfully everyone

recovery.

unique. In fact, my challenges were

was welcoming.)

the same as everyone else. We were

to seek a sponsor. (What if she says,

Years passed. Terry progressed from

all combat veterans struggling with

“no”?) It takes courage to embark

the middle to the late stage of the

the disease.

on Step 4. (Making a searching and

disease. At one point, he attended

control?

a

program.

own bowls, to walk on our side of the

my character defects and working

At a weekend event for family and

street? To learn how to live a healthy

to overcome them has been a

friends I was introduced to the 12

and happy life? To recover from our

monumental task.

Step philosophy.

loved one’s destructive behaviour?

of the program, I’ve been able to

24

residential

treatment

It makes sense,

My situation wasn’t

How do we give up

To keep our spoon in our

It takes courage to

It takes courage

fearless moral inventory.)

Facing

With the help

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

A Donor’s Story

develop compassion for myself and my loved one.

I work hard to not

beat myself up for the many mistakes I make trying to “fix” my husband and son.

says, “When you know better, you do better.”

I could not have come far in my recovery

Lives Change Through Your Donation to Thorpe Recovery Centre.

One wise member often

without

the

love

and

support of the 12 Step fellowship, a community in which we help one another heal our bruises and release our burdens. We reach out to celebrate our triumphs, admit our failures, express our sorrows, overcome our fears and share our gratitude. One member often says, “All you have to do is to be willing.”

Willing to show up and contribute, willing to listen and learn and willing to laugh and cry. We counteract the fallout from a loved one’s addiction by sharing our experience, strength and hope. We embrace the Cs, slogans, steps and traditions.

We

seek serenity and rejoice in the gift of recovery.

I was in and out of jail for 34 years and

programming.

know firsthand the trials of the human

asking for help is vital for anyone who

soul and addiction.

wants to become sober.

I have known

Reaching out and

many whose lives are permanently changed because of the inability

Now retired from Corrections, I wish

to remain sober.

to continue to see lives changed

Good intentions

without intervention only last until the

through

first temptation and then the cycle

programming; alleviating the stress

begins again.

addiction has on families, hospitals

addiction

treatment

and the justice system. I believe in the Counseling, therapy and support

programming the Thorpe Recovery

is the only intervention I know that

Centre offers, and it is my satisfaction

works.

to see the influence and change my

It provides the impetus to

start rebuilding confidence to be

donations make on just a single life.

independent of alcohol or drugs and encourage resolve to reset life’s goals and objectives.

Rick C., Friend of Recovery 2015

How do I

know? I worked with and supervised

What does Thorpe mean to you?

the men and women who provided

Send

the

correctional

thorperecoverycentre.org or by mail

programs to help incarcerated men

at P.O. Box 291 Blackfoot, AB T0B 0L0.

counseling

and

Sara

your

story

(giving@

who want to become and remain sober.

Thank You! To all of our supporters, volunteers

I wish to mention that addiction is

and Friends of Recovery. Our vision of

Border City Al-Anon Community Resource Centre (4419-52nd Ave) Sunday 8pm

also found on both sides of the bars:

“Overcoming Addiction to Improve

It does not care about your job,

Lives” was developed 40 years ago

gender, living situation or finances. I

and still remains the same today. It

Sask-Alta Al-Anon Community Resource Centre (4419-52nd Ave) Monday 8pm

have seen it take the best out of both

is because of your support and gifts

the incarcerated as well as those

that we have been able to help

who work within the correctional

over 500 adults between 2014-15. It

system. I have witnessed the benefits

is important to remember you are

of Employee Assistance Programs

not just helping the client, but also

(EAP) that help employees who are

impacting their families, friends and

in need of counseling and if required,

employers.

Lloydminster Al-Anon Meetings

New Attitudes AFG Community Resource Centre (4419 - 52nd Ave) Wednesday 8pm Gratitude Al-Anon Community Resource Centre (4419 - 52nd Ave) Friday 10:30 am

assist in placement into treatment

25

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

How More Women Are Drinking Like Men -

And Why its Dangerous

By Iman Sheikh Edmonton Fetal Alcohol Network If you’re Canadian, you probably drink a lot more alcohol than you think. Enough booze is purchased per year to supply every person 15 and over with either 480 bottles of beer, 91 bottles of wine or 27 bottles of spirits. But don’t rush to assume it’s all frat boys --if you’re female, middle aged and have a job, you may be among the heaviest drinkers in North America.

Statistics Canada discovered that between 2009 and 2012, the number of male “heavy drinkers” in Alberta decreased by 1%, but their female counter parts increased by 6.5%. A ‘heavy drinker’ was defined as someone who has at least five drinks on at least one occasion a month. In 2013, the criteria changed to 4 drinks for females, but remained 5 for males.

Why the rise in tippling women? reason

One likely is

increased

women’s earning

power. While women, on average, still make significantly less than men, the most recent data

26

(2011)

shows

WINTER 2016

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

since 1987, when the Pay Equity

The

women

by 1.5 times,” says Susan Flynn, senior

Act was passed, the gender wage

experience in middle age also factors

manager at the Canadian Cancer

gap in Ontario has shrunk by 38%.

into

Society.

When women compete with men

“There’s a lot of dissatisfaction in

may increase with every additional

in the professional field, they tend

women’s lives today:

drink a woman has each day.”

to adopt some of the outward signs

career, the marriage, the aging

of a male culture.

“We already

parents, the worries about their own

It’s not just breasts at risk, however.

know that the more pronounced

aging,” Gabrielle Glaser, author of

Drinking can increase the risk of

the role of women, the more equal

Her Best Kept Secret:

many types of cancer, including

the drinking rates will become,”

Drink --and How They Can Regain

colon,

says Dr. Jürgen Rehm, director of

Control, says in an interview with the

liver and mouth cancer.

the

Globe and Mail.

component of alcoholic beverages

Social

and

Epidemiological

stress

that

increased

many

rates

of

drinking.

the kids, the

Why Women

Research Department at the Centre

“The risk of breast cancer

rectal,

esophagus,

larynx,

The main

is the carcinogen ethanol.

Add

for Addiction and Mental Health

However, it’s important for women

to this acetaldehyde, a chemical

(CAMH). “And over the last 20 to

to recognize that the two sexes were

that is produced when the body

30 years, we’ve seen much more

not created equal -- at least in terms

metabolizes alcohol and you have

emancipation.”

of alcohol tolerance. Women have

a highly toxic combination known to

smaller quantities than men of the

create cancerous cells in the body.

Another reason for rising alcohol

enzyme dehydrogenase that breaks

abuse

focused

down alcohol in the stomach, making

Then there are the mental health

alcohol marketing towards female

them more vulnerable to adverse

risks

consumers.

consequences of alcohol use.

consumption.

rates

is

intensely

LCBO stores now offer

dozens of wines and spirits by brands

associated

with

alcohol

According to Rehm,

the biggest issue with heavy drinking

such as “Girls’ Night Out” (made

In general, women also have less

is a mood disorder known as alcohol

here in Ontario), “Uv Cake” and

water in the body, so a women will

use disorder (formally called alcohol

“Skinnygirl”.

absorb

more

abuse). In 2012, 18.1% of Canadians

alcohol into her bloodstream than a

met the criteria for alcohol abuse or

Since women represent about 85%

man of the same weight who has had

dependence.

of consumer shopping and respond

the same number of drinks.

Many

over the health effects of heavy

most

helps

women think the trouble with drinking

drinking for both men and women

them bring out the best version of

is primarily liver damage when it

will only increase, given the provincial

themselves, it’s no coincidence that

comes to their health. This is not so.

government’s plans to make wine

more low calorie, low carb, ‘healthy’

Drinking alcohol increases the risk of

and beer available on supermarket

options

shelves

cancer. Alcohol affects the level of

shelves. “There is a clear correlation

Take this tagline

certain hormones in the body, such

and association between the number

for vodka brand Voli, for example:

as estrogen, which is a large factor in

of outlets and availability of alcohol

“Enhanced with electrolytes and no

breast cancer development.

and drinking level,” he says. “And of

to

advertising

line

liquor

than ever before.

that

stores

about

30

percent

more than 81 calories a serving, Voli

For Rehm, concerns

course, the harm from alcohol.”

Light Vodkas is just the sweet drink you

“For

need when you and your girlfriends

alcoholic drink a day can increase

are having a girl’s night in.”

your risk of developing breast cancer

women,

even

drinking

1

27

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

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28

_________________________________

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

When to Help When to Step Back 3 Things you can and can’t do to help an addicted loved one.

Families trying to help a loved one

let go.

struggling with addiction get a lot of

situation, and the sooner you accept

mixed messages.

“You’re one of the

your lack of control, the sooner they can

single greatest influences in your loved

face the natural consequences of their

one’s life.” And that’s often true. Then

actions.

You can’t control them or the

again, you hear the “three Cs” of addiction recovery: You didn’t cause it,

2. Do the work of recovery for them.

you can’t cure it and you can’t control it.

Even if a loved one goes to an addiction

Again, true.

treatment centre, you can’t prevent relapse.

After Eve’s son completed

So how do you help someone if you’re

addiction treatment, everything was

influential, but you aren’t in control? If

going well.

you’re to stay close, but avoid enabling?

rebuilding his life. He told his mom “I’m

Here are a few suggestions from two

never going back to that bad place

women who have come to face with the

again.”

He had a job and was

harsh realities of the disease of addiction:

What You Can’t Do

Months later, he spiraled back into active addiction. She tried to talk with him about

1. Make them quit.

the signs she was seeing, but he didn’t

You can stage an intervention and you

want to admit it. One night, Eve heard

may be successful, but you cannot

unusual breathing from his bedroom and

force someone with a substance abuse

when she check on him, she couldn’t

problem to quit.

wake him up. After six weeks in a coma,

You can’t make

someone get sober

the doctors told Eve that Isaac was gone.

“You can keep throwing money at them,

Eve was well-educated about addiction.

telling them what to do and trying to lift

He stayed close to Isaac and kept the

them up, but they have to commit to

lines of communication open.

it,” says Eve Goldberg, a mom who lost

unfortunately, “even if you see the signs

her 23 year old son Isaac, to an opiate

you can’t always do something about

overdose in 2013. “I’ve learned how to

it.” Addiction hijacks the brain, leading

But

29

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

people to hide, lie and manipulate

recommends

“We

addiction -- the signs, the treatments,

to maintain their drug abuse. Isaac

talked about this and this doesn’t

the relapse triggers -- and talk to your

didn’t want to die. He wanted to get

work for me” or “love you, but I

loved ones about drugs and alcohol

better. But there is simply no logic in

can’t go down this road anymore”

from an early age.

addiction.

and then following through with the

education is no guarantee of healthy

consequence. Holding firm to your

choices, but it can be a powerful tool

For many, even those who ultimately

boundaries may mean disengaging

in preventing drug abuse and finding

maintain their recovery long-term,

for a period of time, or indefinitely,

a way to recovery.

relapse is a common part of the

she says.

calmly

saying.

Of course,

process. Like other chronic diseases,

If your loved one goes into treatment,

it’s not unusual for those struggling

participate in any family programs

with

that are offered.

addiction

to

need

multiple

The education

“Someone

and encouragement offered by a

can go to meetings, have a sponsor

drug rehabilitation centre can help

and be a poster child for AA, but still

you support your loved one and

relapse, “ says Bennett. “It’s a vicious

take care of your own needs at the

cycle and the person has to be willing

same time.

to reach out for help to stop it.”

source of support and accountability

episodes of treatment.

Then continue to be a

post-treatment, when drug cravings and triggers heighten the relapse

3. Accept behaviour that violates your boundaries.

“If you say what you mean and mean what you say,

To avoid enabling, loved ones have to set boundaries. And once you’ve

even if they’re mad at first, they’ll respect you in the long term.”

risk.

Bennett strongly recommends

putting into place a family recovery contract when a loved one returns

laid out your boundaries, allowing

For some people struggling with

home from treatment or sober living.

them to be violated destroys your

addiction,

the

She notes, “If the ‘addict’ doesn’t

credibility

consequences of their drug use is

live at home, a recovery contract is

the only way they’ll recognize the

important with fewer stipulations, but

seriousness of the problem and get

not imperative.”

and

perpetuates

your

loved one’s addiction.

experiencing

“If you don’t follow through with

help.

consequences

someone

them hit bottom,” Bennett says. For

2. Take care of yourself

violates one of your boundaries, your

evidence, she suggests going to an

A critical lesson for Eve was the

word is like quicksand,” says Bennett.

open AA meeting. “More often than

importance of being good to herself,

“If you say what you mean and mean

not, you’ll hear people say ‘Thank

regardless of whatever her son was

what you say, even if they’re mad at

God my parent kicked me out/said

doing well. You can’t control another

first, they’ll respect you in the long

no.’ As difficult as it is, you don’t have

person, but you can make healthy

term.”

the power to fix it. Only they do.”

decisions for yourself. And you must

when

“Sometimes love is letting

in order to have any hope of being

Boundaries can be basic -- for

What Can You Do

example, the person has to be clean

1. Get Educated

and sober if they’re in your home.

You can’t help fight an enemy you

If the boundary is broken, Bennett

don’t

30

understand.

able to support and encourage your loved one.

Learn

about

For some people, groups like Al-Anon

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

provide a safe place to get education

an

and fellowship with others who are

helping young adults transition into

you can’t be on top of them all the

facing similar struggles. Others prefer

sober life after rehab. Although her

time, or they won’t trust that they can

seeing a therapist privately or joining

family had trouble understanding it

come to you.”

a different type of support group.

at first, helping others suffering from

organization

dedicated

to

suggests.

“You have to step back,

the same illness that took away her

For loved ones trying to take care of

Whatever your path looks like, “you

son has been an integral part of her

themselves, nothing is more toxic to

have to keep putting one foot in front

healing.

your healing than shame. Eve had

of the other, keep looking forward,

many friends who struggled with

not back,” Eve says. “There’s no way

3. Talk about it.

addiction in their family, but were

to make sense of it. There’s no reason

Talking about the problem can be

too ashamed to talk about it. “We

why my son should have died. Give

healing both for the person trying to

made a decision as a family to be

yourself over to a higher power -- for

overcome addiction as well as their

up front about our struggles,” she

me, it was the only way I could live.

loved ones.

says.

A person with a drug

“The more you talk about it,

problem may be reluctant to come

the more you realize everyone has a

There’s a lot of pain and grief involved

to you and ask for help, but if you can

story, everyone has been affected by

when you love someone with a

tolerate the lies and manipulation, an

addiction in some way.”

substance abuse problem.

Your

open dialogue is your best chance to

other family members and friends

be there for them when they need

For Eve, speaking her son’s name and

may not grieve in the same way as

you most.

telling his story is one way to keep his

you and may have their own ideas

memory alive. “I still cry when I tell

about how to handle the situation.

“Work on building a good relationship,

Isaac’s story, even years later. And I

For example, Eve started BIG VISION,

without judging or accusing,” Eve

can see people’s faces cringe when I talk about my dead child. They don’t

UPCOMING TRC INTENSIVES SA INTENSIVE - FEB 24-28, 2016

Sex Addiction Intensive for men and women.

The Thorpe Recover y Centre’s Facing the Shadows Intensive is a shor t-term, inpatient experience that maximizes your investment of time and money.

Please go to w w w.thorperecover ycentre.org or call 780.874.3538 for more information.

know how to handle it,” she says.

“But I can’t worry about making them uncomfortable. He’s still my son and I won’t pretend he didn’t exist.”

The realities of addiction are painful.

It’s hard to hear that a loved one’s life is at risk and you can’t fix it. But, once you accept certain realities, you may

FAMILY INTENSIVE - FEB 11-14, 2016 FEBRUARY SPECIAL

Addic tion obliterates families. Just as suppor t for the addic t is critical, so it is for the family. Led by cer tif ied Addiction Counselors the Thorpe Recover y Centre Intensive will provide you an oppor tunit y to explore

discover that there’s empowerment beyond the powerlessness. There are steps you can take to help yourself and your addicted loved one and once you’ve taken those steps you

yourself in a safe nonjudgmental communit y.

can take solace in knowing you did

Please go to w w w.thorperecover ycentre.org or

all that you could in the face of a

call 780.874.3538 for more information.

devastating disease.

31

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

Facing My Mental Health Issues Was Harder Than Getting Clean.

By Erin Khar

WINTER 2016

I started using heroin when I was 13 years old and considered myself a “high functioning addict.” But the truth was, I used drugs to self-medicate my mental health issues.

“If you don’t do something to address your weird sabotaging behaviour, our relationship is not going to last.” The heat rose up my cheeks and spread to my ears.

Exhaling, I wanted to

launch into the many reasons why we should just end it here and now.

Instead, I listened to what the man I love just said to me. He was right. I was sabotaging our relationship in both subconscious and deliberate ways.

This space was familiar.

I’d

occupied it most of my life. Though I been clean for almost 9 years, there was a pesky part of my behaviour that was still wreaking havoc in my life.

I started using heroin when I was 13 years old. I used it off and on for the next 15 years. Hiding this from most everyone in my life until I first went to rehab at age 23, I considered myself to be a “high-functioning” addict.

The truth was, I used drugs to manage my own mental health issue, masking behaviour that was more noticeably disturbing when I was off drugs than when I was on them. I was aware of this on some level, but had not yet faced that reality.

Once the truth about my addiction was out, I found it easier and easier

32

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

to be frank about admitting I was

the psychiatrist, he explained that

need it anymore, I stopped taking it

an addict. But, I did not understand

finding the right medication can take

without telling anyone.

the underlying issues that drove my

time, and there may be a little trial

addiction. After my first stint in rehab,

and error in the process. He handed

Within 6 weeks, I fell into another

I had some extended periods of

me a prescription for a different SSRI,

black hole, inflicting harm on myself

sobriety, but I relapsed several times.

which I threw in the trash on the way

by way of a box cutter, fantasizing

The problem started with addiction,

to my car.

about killing myself and pushing

but didn’t end there. I was no stranger

everyone away.

Those closest to

to therapy, I had been in talk therapy

Over

L.

me, concerned about my behaviour,

on and off since adolescence.

A

noticed I was getting worse, and she

threatened to talk with my therapist

year after rehab, when some of the

suggested I try another psychiatrist.

and parents and suggested we look

painful issues from childhood could

Psychiatrist Number Two prescribed

into a treatment centre. Dead sober,

no longer be ignored, I started seeing

me Wellbutrin, a brand name for

I felt crazier than ever.

a therapist again.

bupropion,

of

it, I wasn’t crazy, I wasn’t like “those

antidepressants.

Though Wellbutrin

people”. I promised that I would start

was,

time,

commonly

taking Wellbutrin again and go to

handsome woman with wild hair,

advertised to help smoking cessation,

more 12 Step meetings, and that I’d

always

oversized

it is often prescribed to treat general

through away the box cutter. I did

sculptural necklace. I loved her cozy

depression and as a mood stabilizer

what I said I would, sort of. And what

office, full of dark wood, smelling of

for certain cases of bipolar disorder.

I “sort of did” didn’t last long.

eucalyptus. The therapy helped, but

Psychiatrist Number Two said that I

it didn’t help enough.

I mistakenly

might be suffering from rapid-cycling

I relapsed again. I relapsed in a way

thought that I had left my darkest

manic depression or general major

that was worse than any time before.

moments of depression and suicidal

depression and PTSD (Post Traumatic

I was back on heroin and smoking

thoughts behind me.

Stress Disorder), stemming from a

crack, spiraling down into a vortex so

back

sexual abuse incident I experienced

confounding that I believed the only

and I was able to admit them to Dr.

as a child and had spent all my

way out was suicide. In a moment of

L., she referred me to a psychiatrist.

years suppressing and minimizing.

clarity, after the worst four months of

The psychiatrist, after an hour long

Whatever it was, it was choking the

my life, I reached out for help.

consultation, suggested “we” start

will to live right out of me.

Dr. L. was great.

She was a tall,

sporting

suffocating

feelings

an

When those came

the

at

next

a that

3

months,

different

Dr

family

with an SSRI, a Selective Serotonin

But, damn

Back in rehab for the second and last

Re-Uptake Inhibitor, AKA a member

I was desperate. So, I started taking

time, I was in a facility that operated

of the Prozac family. Reluctant but

Wellbutrin.

primarily as a mental health hospital,

open, I began taking my first anti-

that it would ‘not work’, it did.

with

an

depressant.

Among some of my peers in recovery,

unit.

The rehab was down the hill

suggestions were made that true

from the main building.

It didn’t work, it made me feel worse,

sobriety did not involve medication.

up the hill at “those people” and

more depressed, more suicidal. After

Others supported my decision.

I

felt frightened and ashamed that

2 months, I threw in the proverbial

wavered. Two months later, feeling

maybe we weren’t so different. I had

towel and decided that medication

better and convincing myself that

no problem standing up at a 12 Step

was not for me. On my last visit to

this had all been a fluke, that I didn’t

meeting and saying, “I’m Erin and I’m

Despite my convictions

inpatient

rehabilitation I looked

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an addict,” but to admit that I had

The birth of my son did a lot to

I went back to talk therapy and got

something that qualified as mental

improve my well-being. The moment

back on the Wellbutrin. Three years

illness, felt more threatening than an

he was born, I instantly loved him

after that fateful conversation, that

overdose. I had spent my entire life

more than I hated myself. And over

man and I married and my life is

petrified that anyone would find out

time, with that self-hatred having

leaps and bounds from where it was

I was damaged, broken, crazy; that

melted, I began to like myself more

then.

the straight A student, super social

and more. I haven’t used in 13 years.

saved me from myself.

and outgoing young women was an

My son is now 12. I’d like to say that

have a clear diagnosis. Maybe it’s

impostor, hiding the ugly monster I

removing the drugs entirely for such a

regular old depression, maybe it’s a

felt I was.

long period of time solved the mental

little of the PTSD, maybe it’s a form

health issues, but it did not. So there

of bipolar disorder, maybe it doesn’t

It was in that rehab that I first began

I sat, four years ago, across the table

matter. I am okay with needing the

to acknowledge that I had mental

from the man I love, who had never

medication. I am okay with facing

health issues.

I continued in talk

known me on drugs and I heard

my mental illness, without all the

therapy, went on and off Wellbutrin

him. Yes, I was clean, I was a good

jokes and minimization. I’m okay with

a few more times and had a couple

mom, and had my life together. But,

admitting I need those pills to keep

more relapses. My life, though more

I was still dipping into dark places,

me stable. Why? Because I’m happy,

stable, still felt uncertain, ready to

sabotaging relationships, fantasizing

not in an artificial mercurial way, but

unhinge and crumble, once again.

about self-harm and fighting the

in a day-to-day fulfilled and grateful

Then, I got pregnant. I couldn’t use

urge to destroy everything around

way. I only wish it had not taken me

drugs and I did not use again.

me. I was white knuckling my mental

so long to get here.

illness.

For me, the medication had I still don’t

The Depth of Your Anguish

By Andrew Woods, Healthy Minds Canada

for a buzz. But if I’ve relapsed once, what’s to stop me from relapsing

34

Recovery isn’t without its setbacks.

again?

While I’ve managed to successfully

family and how they would react to

recover from mental illness (more or

my impulsiveness. They would be hurt.

less), my recovery from substance

They would be scared.

abuse has been riddled with slips. I

be devastated. Inflicting pain on my

was clean for a long time - that is, until

loved ones is a big price to pay for a

my recent encounter with opiates.

good time I’ll never remember.

I’ve made some poor decisions over

Life is about learning from our mistakes,

the course of my addiction and I’ve

and I wonder if I’ve truly changed for

disappointed those closest to me far

the better. I can’t put up with another

too many times. It couldn’t have been

relapse. My 30th birthday is coming

easy to watch me throw my life away

up and I’m tired of being put through

I think of my friends and

They would

THORPE RECOVERY CENTRE

WINTER 2016

the wringer. I want my 30’s to represent a decade of

the flow and keep on keep-in’ on (to quote a rather

personal growth, accomplishment and fulfillment. My

catchy song by First Aid Kit).

worse fear is being 35 and living a wildly uninhibited party-goer, piss drunk and doped up. That’s not for me.

Some final thoughts. Keep going. Your resiliency may surprise you. Just when you think you’ve had enough,

I’m well into my recovery. I exercise regularly, I try to eat

and the bleakness becomes unbearable, look within

well and I avoid (for the most part) my known triggers:

and realize, you have what it takes to get through

liquor stores, the parking lot where I would meet my

whatever challenges you face. Remember, it’s always

dealer, unhealthy social connections and get togethers

darkest before the dawn.

with drug and alcohol users. But there’s only so much I can avoid.

Substance use is the norm for many

Perhaps you have yet to discover your calling and

here in North America. Am I supposed to become a

perhaps you’re struggling to get your life in order. That’s

recluse, sober, but missing out on the good things in life?

okay. Hell, I’m not yet satisfied with my life. I’m always

Temptation lurks around every corner. So what am I to

searching for something bigger and better, something

do?

that will bring me happiness, once and for all.

It’s

exhausting work. I suppose I often forget how important I think the answer lies in finding a good support network.

it is to live in the moment. I think too much, and spend

I have reliable and supportive friends and family

too much time pondering the imponderables. I forget

members. Some understand my situation, others do not.

to enjoy the journey.

But, overall, my friends and family want what’s best for

will never be happy if you continue to search for what

me. So I am pretty blessed.

happiness consists of.

To quote Albert Camus, “You You will never live if you are

looking for the meaning of life.”

I’ve become particularly close with one friend. Although we’ve only recently met, this young woman understands

Many of you may feel hopelessly overburdened with

my predicament better than anyone I know.

She’s

challenges. You may have burning questions for which

become the cornerstone of my recovery and I owe her,

there are no answers. You may feel as if you’ll never get

big time. I often wish I could express how much she

your life straightened out. So, take comfort in knowing

means to me, but I can never find the appropriate words

the depth of your anguish is equal to the depth of your

to describe my gratitude for her unwavering support, her

character.

kindness and her remarkable depth of good character.

She is truly invaluable to me. Through her unconditional acceptance of my shortcomings, I have rediscovered the value of true friendship. She’s played a pivotal role in redefining the way I view life, and as a result, I’m excited for what lies ahead.

So, long story short, I have a lot to lose. I have a lot worth fighting for. Sure, slips will happen. That’s the natural trajectory of recovery. Ups and downs. But hopefully, the downs are short lived. I guess all I can do is go with

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