Infidelities: The other’s son

By Dr. Nancy Alvarez

Infidelity rises like foam, and women are more and more. Today I will focus on the consequences of cheating when a married woman becomes pregnant by her lover, and her husband does not know it. This is how “the other’s child” arises, with all the consequences for the couple, the lover, the children of the marriage, and the most prominent victim: that child who unconsciously knows that this is not her biological father. He is in “no man’s land,” full of symptoms and confusion.

The worst comes when he grows up and chooses a partner. If you doubt it, find my book “Loving Yourself Is Not Enough” and learn.

I am concerned about ignorance when someone says: “I didn’t know; I thought he was my dad.” Even adopted children know this, as they are denied one of their most basic rights: to know their true origin.

Studies show that because they know something important is being hidden from them, they start to have problems in school. Deep down, they feel that they should not investigate, find out, or learn.

We live wrong. It is not what we experience while awake that guides us; what we know about ourselves. It is the unconscious that is behind everything and guides our actions. Therefore, we suffer from insomnia when something worries us but we do not understand what.

Since we are conceived in our mother’s womb, that “lord” records absolutely everything we have experienced, felt, and saved. And also, what she suffers, what she thinks and speaks (even what dad says), she stays in our unconscious and will determine what we are and will be.

Thank God, every day science gets closer to who we are. And I swear that it has little to do with what we have been taught and still are taught in “schools.” The Little Prince already says, “The essential is invisible to the eyes.”

A family is an emotional unit. Everything that happens, seen or not, affects everyone. I don’t want anyone to feel guilty, but I want them to be responsible for their behavior and how it affects those we love. Getting married, having children, getting divorced, it’s “only for adults.”

What must be done?

-Reveal the secret, but —be careful— don’t do it without the help of a family therapist. If this is mishandled, everyone will lose, and there may even be violence and assaults that lead to deaths. It is something severe.

-That child should receive psychological help, preferably from a child psychologist. The great ones, with a good psychologist.

-Assuming the consequences. But, if the problem is not faced with the truth and the desire for everyone to suffer less and recover their peace, those involved will be wrong, depressed, and choose their partners poorly. In short, they are recycling negative behaviors from family to family. May the force be with you!