Orgasm Gap

Yes, sir. No, sir. Please. Thank you.

This is the vocabulary women are taught to adhere to.

“Because women are supposed to be of service to men,” said sophomore Political Science major Madeline Gallagher.

“Women are taught to be agreeable and play nice,” said Amy*, a senior psychology student.

It is these gendered expectations that have led to the inequitable distribution of power, and pleasure, between men and women.

The wage gap between men and women is largely publicized in the media. However, this article will be discussing a different kind of gap— the orgasm gap.

The orgasm gap is the occurrence, primarily in heterosexual intimate encounters, of men having more orgasms than women, according to Psychology Today.

The question is, why does this phenomenon occur? How can we close the gap?

The orgasm gap is a product of our culture, said Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, Cassie Willnauer. And that culture, the one in which we live, is the penis culture.

“We’re ultimately in a culture that centers penis pleasure,” said Wilnauer. “Women are taught that sex isn’t necessarily for them and that their pleasure makes them dirty, so they don’t seek it or they don’t feel like they’re allowed to seek it.”

Because of her female identity and religious upbringing, Smith still feels afraid to ask for what she wants in bed.

“Even now, I’m afraid,” said Smith. “It’s hard to critique a man, especially when it comes to intimacy, because I don’t want to hurt their feelings.”

So, the question still remains, how do we solve this problem? How do we close the gap?

First, we need to throw out traditional gender-based expectations, said Smith.

“Both men and women are conditioned to be in certain roles and it’s the breaking down and tearing down of those roles that will help communication and that communication will lead to orgasm,” Smith said.

Communication is especially vital when interacting with sexually-uneducated men.

Growing up surrounded by purity culture, many men may not have had the proper sexual education to understand that women are sexual beings who experience pleasure, said Willnauer.

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“I think for other men, though, it’s really upsetting because they are feeling like they’re inadequate all the time because they are struggling to help their partner have an orgasm and they think that the only thing they need to do is make sure that they last as long as humanly possible,” said Willnauer. “But that’s not actually true,” she added.

Approximately thirty six percent of women report that they need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm in comparison to 18.4% who reported that penetrative intercourse alone allowed them to reach orgasm, according to the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy.

This disparity, then, lies in the fact that many women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm and many men are either under the false impression that the clitoris is not real and the female orgasm is a myth, or they don’t know how to effectively pleasure their female partners.

To solve this issue, Willnauer suggests women to think about their past sexual encounters and try to uncover what had been causing the orgasm disparity, she said. Did you know what things would give you pleasure, but felt too afraid to explain this to your partner? Did you feel shame about certain desires? Were you faking orgasms? Did you even know what things would pleasure you?

Once you answer these questions, you need to communicate your results with your partner, says Willnauer.

“I feel like men want to be effective,” said Smith. “They want to know they can.” To any woman reading this; teach them how. Instruct, advice, critique, ask for what you want. And if you

To any man reading this, listen. Take the woman’s advice.

“Our biggest sex organ is our brain,” said Willnauer. Use it.

*Some names were altered for anonymity.