December 2012 Review

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Vol. IV • Issue 2

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Friday, December 3, 2010

The RJ Voice Home to RJ student news online Check it out @ voice.regisjesuit.com

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Regis Jesuit High School Boys Division • 6400 S. Lewiston Way • Aurora, CO 80016

The Holy Bowl Begins

RJ vs. Mullen: 5A Football State Championship Saturday, December 4 @ 2:30 PM

Tune in LIVE on the RJ VOICE Homepage Regis Radio pregame starts at 2 PM

Regular Season

RJ @ Valor: 25–21 W A-West @ RJ: 23–13 W Pomona @ RJ: 42–7 W Fruita @ RJ: 48–14 W Chap @ RJ: 28–14 W

RJ @ DCHS: 30–14 W Vista @ RJ: 46–11 W RJ @ T-RIDGE: 36–0 W RJ @ Ranch: 28–25 W

Frontpage layout & RJ Voice design by Morgan Jones ‘12 – Photo by Joe Tyndell ‘11

Playoffs

Horizon @ RJ: 49–35 W Arapahoe@RJ:49–21W RJ @ Junction: 24–21 W Cherokee@RJ:21–20W RJ VS. Mullen

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voice.regisjesuit.com The Raider Review // Friday, December 3, 2010

20 Year Anniversary

Celebrating the 20th Anniversary of Campbell Campus Morgan Jones ’12 & Dominic Fante ’11 Originally printed in The Raider, Fall 2010 It was the summer of 1986 in St. Louis. Missouri Provincial Rev. Robert Costello, SJ convened a meeting of Jesuits involved in secondary education, proposing a resolution about the uneasy future of Regis Jesuit High School.

Back in Colorado, Regis Jesuit High School had been on the campus of Regis College (now University) in North Denver since 1888 in the historic “Pink Palace” and had only completely moved to a separate building in 1984.

However, concerns were being voiced about the south-shifting population of Denver and the difficulties inherent in continuing to share facilities with the college. The group of Jesuits deliberated for days before coming to their conclusion. Regis Jesuit would be moving again.

Most agreed that the high school needed its own identity separate from the college, considering that Regis Jesuit was one of the last Jesuit high schools to separate from its parent institution. However, there was no available land near the college. As possible locations were being considered, a generous donation of 31 acres of land in Aurora from former student and Board of Trustees member Mr. Dick Campbell ’54 helped to decide the new address for the school.

“I’ve known the Jesuits for a lot of years, and I just have nothing but the utmost respect and admiration for them. They’re good guys,” Campbell, who still is active as a member of the school’s Council of Regents, said in a recent interview.

The decision created unrest when the news hit.

Members of the school community voiced concerns about the proposed move 18 miles across town. Many students couldn’t or didn’t want to make the drive to Aurora, especially those from Longmont and Boulder. Teachers living in North Denver such as Mr. Rod Card ’61 and Mr. Ray Rosenbaugh had to do the same. In fact, Boys Division counselor Mr. Bill Jelenik had just bought a house in Wheat Ridge a year before the move.

Numerous other questions about the impact of the move also hung in the air. Philosophically, if Regis Jesuit were to continue its mission to the poor and marginalized, then why exponentially increase their commute? What would the difference in enrollment be if the school moved?

Would enrollment continue declining, or would it find uncommon success in the barren farmland of Aurora?

Current RJ president Fr. Phil Steele, SJ ’66

wrote in his letter in the 2009-2010 Annual Report, “I remember lazy summer dinners on the patio of the Jesuit Residence; cattle would regularly parade past the back fence, and I thought surely I must be in Kansas. Was this how the Italian Jesuits felt as they were trying to get a small Jesuit school to take root in Las Vegas, New Mexico in 1877?”

Longtime Regis Jesuit math teacher and former principal Mr. Charlie Saulino knew there were more potential Regis Jesuit students south of Denver. “There was not a pool of students to draw from [in North Denver],” Saulino said.

“The building of new homes that was happening was in the southeast area.”

The faculty and administration were well-aware that they were going to lose students—the junior and senior classes dropped to under 100 students each upon moving—but they also knew that sacrifices and hardships were inevitable, and the long-term survival of the school may be at stake. Other Catholic high schools in Denver facing similar issues of dwindling enrollment had either moved or closed.

The move itself, according to Fr. Jeff Harrison, SJ, a faculty member at the time, “began as a very organized venture which quickly descended into barely controlled chaos.”

“If your family has ever moved, you have some idea of how much stuff gets accumulated over time, how much needs to be sorted through, how many decisions need to be made about what to keep and what to throw away,” retired RJ assistant principal Mike Buckley ’63 commented. “Your brother or sister wants to keep something and you want to get rid of it, and so on. Well, multiply that by 1000 and you’ll have a sense of what it was like to move the school!”

Naturally, moving an entire school involved many long hours of hard work. Teachers, alumni and students were active in transporting everything from furniture to science supplies.

Volunteer support was critical to the success of the effort.

Fr. Ralph Houlihan, SJ, then president of Regis Jesuit “really worked hard on [the move]. We had to raise money to pay for it. At that time I think it cost $10 million, it would probably cost $20 million today,” Dick Campbell remembers.

“We were able to get some of the work donated, and we received [monetary] donations, and that’s how it was built.”

Top: The new Campbell Campus, currently the RJ Girls Division.

Bottom: The North Denver campus.

20 Year Anniversary

voice.regisjesuit.com Friday, December 3, 2010 // The Raider Review

to say the least. The corner now occupied by the Chinese theatre...was then a horse farm,” Fr. Harrison added. “There was no grass and vast clouds of dust swirled around. Our first dance was held in the cafeteria after a football game and you could hardly see for the dust.

Afterwards, as we tried to sweep it up, it just kept swirling. Finally, we had to wet it into mud in order to clean up. Then there were the tumbleweeds. When the wind blew they would get trapped in the courtyard and become one giant tumbleweed which crashed against the walls of the building.”

“Support was overwhelming,” Mr. Ralph Taylor, who has been teaching at Regis Jesuit for over 45 years said. “When we moved, parents came with their cars and kids pitched in... hundreds of people showed up to help us.” Beverage distributor and then current parent V Gaines donated trucks to the school saving hundreds of dollars on rentals.

“My husband was actually in the business of selling cell phones,” Mrs. Pam Thomas said, “So he was able to borrow two phones so that there was one phone up in North Denver and one phone down here at this campus so that we could keep in touch with when the trucks were loaded and when they were leaving.”

Sean Coughlin ’92, had the opportunity to experience two years at the North Denver campus and two years at the Campbell Campus.

“I remember packing those many boxes – and during the unpacking process a few days or weeks later, finding chemical supplies in a box labeled ‘English Lit’ and most memorably, a blender from the cafeteria in a ‘Freshman English’ box. Quite an adventure.” Buckley recalled.

“At the old school, we had to practice [football] on a dirt field that had prickly bushes,” Coughlin said. “We were definitely excited to get off of that practice field and onto new grass and a new area that was our own... We all used what’s now Kellogg Field.”

Though the move went smoothly thanks to the support of the community, more challenges and adventures lay ahead.

Coughlin also recollected how he and his peers felt about the move. “We were collectively sad about leaving the North Denver roots; we liked the tradition of it, and the long-standing history of it...but we were excited about having a new school, a new beginning and a brand-new campus.”

“One Friday night, I had to go to the old campus, and I had to pull the [computer] cables out of the wall at the old campus, bring them down here, and string them through the hallways of that building in the main office so we would have an operating computer system to start the school year,” Saulino reflected. “The cables were actually in the hallways until we got another guy to rewire the building.”

So what “sealed the deal” for Regis Jesuit to make the move since it was so seemingly controversial and inconvenient?

“It was a brand new building, but I remember hauling in a couple of tables that had been carved on in 1948. And here we are, moving in 1990,” Mr. Newton, current art teacher who helped with the move, recalled. “The school was on a ‘shoestring budget’ so there wasn’t much money.”

“Ultimately, I think the school moved because the land was made available as a donation,” Fr. Harrison said. “The financial concerns won the day.”

Most of the Jesuits’ initial predictions were correct. Regis Jesuit’s enrollment increased upon their arrival at Aurora, and the students, faculty and administrators would accept the extra miles to commute. Now, those who drive the hour each way, five days a week can say that they truly love Regis Jesuit High School, and their odometers show it.

In fact, when the school moved, it took a lot to get everything going.

“The first couple of years [after the move] were very difficult,” Mr. Taylor said. “Money was very tight, and the City of Aurora kept finding things that we had to have, like a $65,000 water pump or something, and that’s why we didn’t have a track for several years. We didn’t get an occupancy certificate until the day school started.”

Understandably, some alumni from the North Denver campus may not only feel somewhat excluded from the current school community because of the move, they may also feel like many traditions were lost too. However, the dedication and hard work, the commitment to service, the camaraderie, academic excellence and school spirit that the Jesuits laid in the foundations of the school they began in New Mexico in 1877, carried with them to North Denver in 1888 and then to southeast Aurora in 1990, are still cornerstones of the school today. No matter where the halls of our high school lie, they will forever be Regis Jesuit.

That first year at Campbell Campus “the faculty had to sell books and take [school] pictures on the quad outside because the firefighters wouldn’t allow anyone in the building,” Saulino added.

“When I first moved down here, it felt like I was in the desert. In North Denver, you have trees, grass, and houses. When we first moved down here, there was nothing,” Mr. Newton commented. “There were deer wandering around out where King Soopers is...

If the kids wanted to go for lunch, the seniors, they had to drive all the way to Arapahoe and I-25 to find a fast-food restaurant.”

“That part of Aurora in those days was undeveloped,

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Top: Yearbook coverage of the groundbreaking ceremony.

Bottom: Desert as far as the eye can see.

Morgan Jones ‘12 and Dominic Fante ‘11 are editors-in-chief of The Raider Review, the Boys Division student newspaper.

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opinion

voice.regisjesuit.com The Raider Review // Friday, December 3, 2010

Review: Call of Duty Black Ops

Benton Waterous ‘12

It has been one year since the momentous release of “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2,” the best selling entertainment release in history. The game grossed a total of $550 million worldwide 5 days after its release, and was praised by critics for its jaw-dropping single player campaign and amazing multiplayer content. This year, “Call of Duty: Black Ops” has surpassed its older brother by grossing $650 million in the first 5 days after its release.

But does Black Ops really deserve this achievement? Well, I am glad to say that Black Ops does live up to the hype and is THE BEST Call of Duty to date.

The Black Ops single player campaign is by far the best. If you want a realistic depiction of modern warfare go play “Medal of Honor,” but if you are looking for a cinematic, difficult and creative experience, then Black Ops is the game for you. You play as Special Forces operative Alex Mason (for most of the game) as he battles through Cuba, Russia and a variety of other unique locations on his quest to discover a Cold War, Soviet plot. In traditional COD style, Black Ops has a number of amazing set pieces from a rocket launch to flying a stolen Soviet attack helicopter in Vietnam.

Technically, Black Ops is a step up from MW2. Enemy AI has been vastly improved. Unfortunately, the terrible friendly AI from MW2 has not improved. Most of the time, my ineffectual “special operative” allies either ran in front of me while I was firing, or blocked escape paths as I desperately fled from enemy grenades. The graphics are incredibly realistic, the voice acting is quite good – Treyarch has employed a cast of well-known actors like Sam Worthington and Gary Oldman. Treyarch has included fan-favorite zombies mode from Call of Duty: World at War, which pits players against endless waves of zombies.

Overall, the single player campaign of Black Ops is incredibly cinematic and well worth the price of admission. However, Black Ops wouldn’t be a true Call of Duty game without its main attraction for gamers: multiplayer.

Almost all of the issues that made MW2’s multiplayer frustrating in the past have been removed or rectified. For example, the death-dealing and unbalanced explosives from MW2 have been balanced out. Black Ops also introduces a new currency system to online play, in which every win online pays “COD Points” that can be used to customize your soldier. “Wager Matches” are gametypes in which players bet COD Points against each other in creative matches.

Another welcome new addition to the Call of Duty franchise is “Combat Training.” Combat Training simulates a full online match against computer controlled enemies that allows new players to practice before jumping into Black Ops’ sometimes intimidating online mode.

With its amazing single player campaign and enough new additions to keep the tried-and-true multiplayer fresh, “Call of Duty: Black Ops” is a great new addition to the series, and is a stealthy operation that no gamer should miss.

Editorial: Where did All the Recycling Go?

Jay Sayre ‘11

As you may or may not have noticed, Regis Jesuit’s recycling bins have been missing from classrooms and some hallways for some time. I originally reported on the disappearance of the “blue” bins about a year ago for The Raider Review. Yet, a year later, what remains of the recycling program here at RJHS? I sat down with Mr. Ben Teeples, the RJ facilities manager, to find out.

“As of right now, there is no recycling program at Regis Jesuit”, Mr. Teeples said.

Wait... what? How could this program, something that saves entire dumpsters full of recyclable material from being thrown in landfills everyday, be scrapped? The answer: garbage always winds up in the recycling bins, which now is just dumped in with trash. See those blue bins in the Regis Jesuit hallway? Yep, they all get thrown right in the trash because they get filled with just that.

In short, recycling is gone because the students don’t care.

“I believe in recycling,” Mr. Teeples said. “It’s just that students have to buy into it as well.”

Mr. Teeples has a recycling bin in his office. And he uses it. It’s not that the administration or staff are trying to stop recycling, it’s the students themselves. When asked if recycling will be brought back, Mr. Teeples responded, “if the habits don’t change, nothing will change.”

What can be done? Well, you don’t have to be a member of Environmental Club to change things (but you are welcome to join). You simply have to throw recyclable items and trash in the proper bins. It’s not that hard-- the bins are right next to each other! Most items toady are even marked with the universal recycle triangle symbol.

SUBMISSION AND EDITORIAL POLICY The Raider Review and The RJ Voice Online encourage submissions of articles, cartoons, story ideas, photos, graphic design or any other material you would like to publish. You are also encouraged to stop by the newsroom, room 262, with any desired submissions or questions. Letters to the editor and commentary submissions are accepted. You may also email us at voice@regisjesuit.com any time.

The views expressed in the paper are put forth as editorials. Any opinions are consenting to a Jesuit philosophy of encouraging discussion of different ideas and viewpoints.

Featured columnists or editorial writers express opinions of their own.

RAIDER REVIEW STAFF Cover your school!

Editor-in-Chief: Morgan Jones ‘12 Editor-in-Chief: Dominic Fante ‘11 Voice Webmaster: Morgan Jones ‘12 Advanced Editors & Designers Michael Harpole ‘12 Drew Dyer ‘11 Michael Clark ‘11 Mitch Robinson ‘11 Matt Thompson ‘11 Cameron Sparough ‘11 Benton Waterous ‘12 Jerry Keating ‘11 Tyler Fox ‘11 Cooper Cohen ‘12

Reporters Evan Batten ‘12 Peter Bayer ‘12 Billy Cuddy ‘12 Daniel Deane ‘12 James Dillon ‘12 Ryan Ford ‘12 Evan Frank ‘11 Nick Gianfrancesco ‘12 Eric Hamilton ‘12 Drake Hammond ‘14 Ross Heath ‘11 Rhody Heller ‘11 Brendan Kelly ‘11 Connor Knobloch ‘11 Pierre Kuttner ‘12 Chris Lesnansky ‘11 Paul Maurer ‘11 Brad McWilliams ‘11 Ben Mohler ‘14 Danny Pfannenstiel ‘12 Richard Rubel ‘11 Kyle Stemper ‘11 Grant Wagner ‘12 Sean Whitley ‘14 Ryan Winters ‘11 Hank Winterscheidt ‘11 Irvin Ferrer ‘13 Joe Tyndell ‘11 Jay Sayre ‘11

the RJ

If you see a recycling bin, please treat it as such. It only takes a minute of your time and effort to save tons and tons of garbage from going to the landfill. And having fewer landfills means a better, cleaner world for you, me and especially our children. After all, isn’t that what Men and Women for Others is all about? I find that slogan hard to accept if we can’t even accept the responsibility to recycle.

Please help Regis Jesuit recycle! If you have any questions on how else you can help please contact me at saya@sagstraps.com.

voice.regisjesuit.com

opinion

voice.regisjesuit.com Friday, December 3, 2010 // The Raider Review

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RJ Lacrosse: A Hard-Working Brotherhood Fun With Fante: Misconceptions About Ross Heath ‘11 & Rhody Heller ‘11 Dominic Fante ‘11 Winter Driving Last month in The Raider Review, senior Hank Winterscheidt wrote a well-written Yes, people, I know we’ve had record-breakingly warm weather this fall. But last year,

the snow started falling well before this month, so I figure it’s never too early to get prepared.

These days, as more and more automotive technology simplifies driving sometimes common sense can be overlooked. And taking a ski trip to Breckenridge via an icy, snow-covered I-70 is the last place one should lose common sense. So, in order to avoid confusion, injuries, and thousands of dollars in repair costs, read on for some proven myths about winter driving.

Misconception #1: “Turn into the skid.” In any other case, this would be a good idea. But in the snow, turning into the skid could easily induce oversteer, which could send your car into a 360 degree spin. If your car starts to skid, don’t panic. Look at the direction that you want the car to go, and calmly counter-steer towards it. It sounds easy, but often people panic, jerk the wheel too fast and slam on the brakes.

Doing these things will only make you lose control.

Misconception #2: “Snow tires are a waste of money.” For residential and city driving, this may be true. I survived the whole winter with a set of normal all-season tires on my car. But after I nearly smashed it into a telephone pole, I can say that I definitely will be driving with snow tires this winter. And if you’re going to head up to the mountains to go skiing or boarding, I highly recommend that you put a set on too.

They undoubtedly make the biggest difference in traction, much more than 4 wheel drive. A front wheel drive car with snow tires on it will drive just as well as (and in many cases better than) a 4-wheel drive car with all-seasons.

Misconception # 3: “I’m fine. I’ve got 4WD, ABS and traction control.” Anti-lock braking systems (ABS) and traction control are great advancements in automotive technology, but they are far from being a savior in snow driving. Since there is little resistance on the tires from the snow, the ABS will allow the brakes to lock up, which means your car will skid. To prevent this, you’ll need to “threshold brake,” which means pushing the brakes hard enough to slow down but not hard enough to lock them up. And when you’re going down a hill, downshifting is recommended to keep the brakes from overheating. (Automatics can downshift too!) Traction control will help your car regain traction if the wheels receive power. But again, if you slam on the brakes and lock them up, there’s nothing traction control can do to save you from losing control. And remember: four wheel drive (4WD) will only help you go, not stop.

Really, the number one way to avoid loss of control is to simply go slow. “The best thing you can do in a storm is to slow down a little and keep your distance from the car in front of you,” Dean Doherty commented. He went on to say that students with fresh licenses should go out to practice driving once the snow starts falling. “You can’t learn how to drive in the snow unless you drive in the snow… When we have [bad] weather, new drivers should actually go and check it out without spinning donuts. The position you don’t wanna be in is getting behind the wheel of a car on icy streets, and not knowing how to react to a skid.”

Nobody wants to end up with a totaled car, especially when it’s freezing outside. So slow down, be careful, and try to get some money together for some snow tires, or at least some new all-season tires. Out of the (estimated) 280 cars in the multiple Boys Division lots, I counted over 176 cars that could use a pair. Trust me – it’s worth it!

and humorous article about the “lax bro” mentality. The article meant no harm. However, it did raise multiple questions regarding the goals and the attitude of the 2011 Regis Jesuit Lacrosse Program.

This year’s team captains are seniors Rhody Heller, Tanner Otenbreit, Kevin Wylie, and Sean Fay. “I personally feel as this class of Seniors may be the strongest group to come through Regis Jesuit,” Coach Herman says. The leaders will play integral role in leading the team on a quest for their next state championship.

Coach Herman’s response to the questions that the ‘lax bro’ article raised is direct and passionate.

“It took me a day to really digest the article. I think Hank is a great young man, but what I want the Regis Jesuit community to understand is that our program is working in a different direction. I do not want anyone to think that I don’t know what is going on when it comes to the “lax bro” mentality. This is something that has been around since before I was playing the sport. Even on my college team there were kids wanting to partake in that lifestyle,” he says.

The ‘lax bro’ label is nation-wide mentality that has been associated with the sport for some time. No player is a stranger to the terminology and lifestyle. But Coach Herman would like to see the RJ program rise above it.

“What people need to understand is that I am not here to try to change many years of “lax bro” mentality, I am here to steer our athletes down a different path. We are blessed to be here at Regis Jesuit, and I want to take the mentality of “brotherhood” and incorporate that into our lacrosse program. The players, as I have learned, also want this. As we come closer to becoming a “lacrosse brotherhood” the closer we are to separating ourselves from the rest of the competition in the state.”

When players play as a brotherhood anything is possible, and the team is committed to upholding the standards of Regis Jesuit. Coach Herman has taken a hands-on approach with making the team stronger, faster, and bigger. He has instituted a new weight lifting program and workout regimen.

“We now do much more Olympic and power lifting exercises. We have concentrated on strengthening our core each day. We also have incorporated more “mental toughness” work into our regimen,” he said.

Coach Herman’s expectations for the Raider Lacrosse program are high. Not only does he want the players to develop on the field, but also as men of Regis Jesuit.

“The expectations of the lacrosse players daily is to be the best Regis Jesuit citizen they can be. I tell my players that they should be doing something every day to get better. That means extra weight training, speed training, hitting the wall with their stick, etc. I also expect them to concentrate on their studies and to achieve the highest grades they are capable of.”

Has the “Lax Bro” mentality already vanished? It will be the captains that decide what road they are going to take to a victorious season.

Photo: Joe Howell, 2008 Wikimedia Commons

Want to share your opinion?

Talk to Dominic Fante ‘11 or email voice@regisjesuit.com

“I personally hope that the “lax bro” mentality is toned down in our program. I feel as though all of the superficial things that come with this mentality are for Summer Club lacrosse and not for our high school season. The fact is that I truly never felt like it was an epidemic here, and the athletes have responded to our new path of the program well. Our athletes are extremely dedicated to getting better each day, which I am very proud of them for. I believe in each and every player at this school, and because of the hard work and dedication put forth, we will be successful,” Herman said.

If the players believe in rising above the mentality and paving their own way, the team will achieve greatness on and off the field.

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voice.regisjesuit.com The Raider Review // Friday, December 3, 2010

Notorious Dr. Big Love

You see these every day, but where are they?

Your source for relationship help

Taylor,

Last month, Taylor sent in a letter concerning his love for his good friend’s sister.

My sad, strange, deranged, werewolf-sort of friend (but more so someone I associate with because it is my job), abs aren’t everything.

Dear Dr. Big Love, Thank you for your splendid advice that you gave me before regarding my relationship issues. I am now in a bit of a pickle. I told my friend and my friend’s sister but the issue continues.

The other day I looked through her phone and found some texts from a shifty lurker named Edward; he’s probably some vampire or something. I’m afraid I’m going to lose her... to a vampire who might have fake abs. Please help!

-Taylor Lautner

Lately it seems like everyone wants to be a vampire or date a vampire. She has obviously moved on to this phase in her life. This would seem to be the end of your relationship with her, but you could actually use this to your advantage.

Since she is now into the whole vampire thing, you have to be ‘the vampire.’

Unfortunately, you’re too hairy to pull something like this off. Vampires are pale white, typically well groomed, and they rock capes. Clearly they mean business. You, my friend, prefer the outdoor lifestyle.

Chances are the girl is not moving on, but she’s entertaining the idea of it. The worst thing you could do now is to squash her freedom. Not literally, but in the sense that you try and control her life. All this will do is alienate her right back into that vampire’s cold arms.

Take it one day at a time and be sure to act like you like doing the things she enjoys (it would be beneficial if you actually did).

Tell her how beautiful she is (but don’t over do it).

I have full faith in your abilities.

Good luck my friend. Stay frothy!

Love, Notorious Dr. Big Love

Attention Seniors: Senior Quote and Activities for 2010-11 Yearbook Please e-mail your name, quote and list of activities and sports to boysyearbook@regisjesuit.com.

Due Date is approaching.

Please put SQA in the subject line followed by your full name. In the body of the email simply type your full name, quote, and activities. Please do not attach a document to the email.

Example:

SQA Joseph Matthew Smith “I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn’t learn something from him.” -Galileo Galilei Underwater Basket Weaving 9,10,11 Soccer 9,10,11,12 Select Choir 11,12.

(This indicates that you were an underwater basket weaver every year except Senior year.)

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1. On the cafeteria side of senior hall // 2. The window at the top of the sophomore hall stairs // 3. On the wall between the freshman and sophomore halls // 4. The rug in tradition hall

Recap.

Where Are They?

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It’s OK to be a Muggle Letter to the Editor Dear editor, Due to the recent Harry Potter buzz, I was hoping to reassure some of your readers that it is perfectly fi ne being “non-magical.”

Recently, my youngest son turned eleven. The day carried on extremely well until I was awoken at midnight by his incessant crying. I entered his room and asked what was wrong, to which he replied, “I didn’t receive an invitation to Hogwarts.” When I tried to comfort him by making light of the fact that I never went to Hogwarts, he simply stated that it was because I was a “stupid muggle.”

So, for those of you out there who were extremely disappointed that they never received a Hogwarts invitation, it is OK to be a muggle. Think about all of the things that make being a wizard so amazing, and then think about how “muggles” go about doing those same things.

Examples: Instead of flying on a broomstick, muggles have planes. It’s kind of like the difference between having a car and having a motorcycle. Motorcycles are fun, but cars are practical. Next, people at Hogwarts do not have the same technology that you and I have today. Have you ever noticed that if they want to communicate, they have to send a letter by owl? That takes a long time. Can’t you get an immediate response through your cell phone? Lastly, Chuck Norris does NOT have magical powers. Enough said.

Sincerely, Father of an exceptional young muggle