Guns On the Roof by Reis Reffold

GUNS ON THE ROOF

Origami Warfare Jelly mould Imperial War Museum protest In this Melting Pot we rot Southend-on-Sea Wordsearch Funny

Guns On The Roof takes a rare opportunity to speak with renowned gunslinger Josh Round, just weeks after the ferocious clashes between the Islands of El Si Si, discussing Black Thursday, his fall from power, and being an Outlaw. GOTR: Josh Round, you’ve suffered a rough time since the outbreak of hostilities amongst the El Si Si islands, where are you dwelling at the moment? JR: Not being too specific im spending most of my time off the coast of the green island, or so im telling you, (laughs) but yeah it has been rough, and that’s how I like it. I don’t want to swan about in an expenses paid yellow island palace, I want to be in touch with the world. GOTR: Can you shed some light on your removal from power at Yellow Island and your short-lived allegiance with the people of the Blue Island? JR: Well Yellow Island were just back stabbers and liars, night of the long knives that one, there’s me thinking were starting something, building something, and as soon as the hostilities broke out I was booted to the curb. Violence crazy apparently, and uninterested in their ideals, but honestly, all they wanted to do was be the rooster with the biggest dick in the farmyard - you look pretty impressive but at the end of the day you’ve got shit for brains and wake everybody up in the morning. GOTR: Have you been back to Blue Island, or Yellow Island after what happened last month?

JOSH ROUND JR: (Smiles) No, no, I fled the Blue Island after the battle of ‘black Thursday’ as their calling it already, I don’t think the Blue natives really knew what I was about. And they sold me a lot of crap about wanting to fight, but it turns out they were just another island full of people going nowhere, building an army and not really wanting to use it, and definitely not for any use, I mean what was ‘black Thursday’ even about? What was the point for them? These days i’m seen as an Outlaw on both Islands, depicted as this Gedafe Musollini fucking love child.

GOTR: Some might say you play up to the title of Outlaw, do you consider yourself a rebel? JR: I think I’ve earned it, if being labelled a rebel means the people who stand for everything I disagree with consider me to be the opposite of themselves I take that as an achievement and a compliment. I’d rather have my face on a wanted poster than a fucking billboard advertising butter. GOTR: Are you a revolutionary? JR: Revolutionary, Rebel, Outlaw, Arse-hole, their all names for the same thing, and I’d take any of them titles over one that meant I had to bend over and take all the shit the world throws up my alley. GOTR: So what are plans for now and the future? JR: I’m going to lay low for a while longer, let the storm blow over, and hey, people may even see why I did what I did… no, no, of course they wont will they. I’ll still be the villain to most people, and that’s all I can plan for the future, keep doing what I do. And keep being that face on the poster. GOTR: Do you have much support for your ideas? JR: Here and there, now and then, I’ve never had an army of supporters. GOTR: Do you feel that may be to do with your infamous episodes such as the one which occurred when you swore your oath to the Blue Island shortly after your dismissal from their yellow neighbours?

JR: Firstly I never swore and oath or allegiance, they offered me a haven in exchange for my support, but as I said they never understood me, and they were merely another island in the mould of the yellow, and every other floating abyss of bull shit. Secondly, has anyone ever looked into what I did and why I did it? GOTR: Destroy the defences of the nation you are fighting for? JR: Yes, but look what it stood for, were in as much danger from ourselves as we are from each other, and were in grave danger from those in our own home as we are from our noisy neighbour. We shouldn’t trust anyone suffocating under this blanket of lies by our side; we need to look beyond our brothers and sisters, and lift the sheets, step outside the covers, and embrace the free air.

fighters dived to origami hell

from the skies the paper fell

BLACK THURSDAY, THE EL SI SI ISLANDS. AN 8 HOUR LONG ERUPTION OF VIOLENCE AND MASS DESTRUCTION. BUT WHAT HAPPENED? GUNS ON THE ROOF REVEALS ALL... 10:00 - All islands go on red alert due to an alleged tip off from an informant, known as ‘Reg Perfect’ 11:00 - The islands of El Si Si all hold talks. War-time leaders are appointed and wide spread rumour of battle plans is recorded. 12:00 - Blue Island send minister to Green Island, a formal allegiance is proposed, agreed, and signed. Each of the four islands are clearly preparing for war, tension grows. Yellow Island reject proposal from Blue Island but agree to allie with Pale Yellow Island, accusations of racism filter through the cities. 14:00 - Mythical creatures of the Yellow Island are spotted by reconisance aircraft, including giant pigs and a dragon guarding their castle - causing fear and panic throughout other Islands.

15:00 - Deputy Yellow island leader Josh Round reported missing and is overthrown by natives who swear oath to Ran Solo alone. Yellow and Pale Yellow Islands build worlds largest bridge connecting their islands, met by worlds longest tunnel between Blue and Green islands, uproar as Blue tunnel through Yellow Island. 16:00 - Tension continues to rise as aviation superiority is tested as all islands test aircraft in same air space. Josh Round is informed of his removal from any command within Yellow Island and is offered and accepts refuge from Blue Island. Open war! at 16:20 the first shell hits the deck of Green Islands flagship ‘The Redgrove’ retaliation from Green and their Blue allies sends the Islands of El Si Si into chaos, after just 5 minutes allegiances mean nothing, Josh Round sends missile crashing into own defences. Thousands reported paper cut or killed. No sign of ‘Reg Perfect’ as natives flee, no habitable environment but for a small village on green island. Josh Round once again missing.

ELEANOR-JANES Jelly Mould Service est. 1990

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Eleanor-Jane is delighted to present to you their finest jelly mould to date. Carved from Beech wood & vaccum formed this meticulously sculpted new mould offers you the latest in innovative jelly design, and ofcourse that infamous ‘Eleanor-Jane” seal of approval. Give your jelly some welly. ‘Give your jelly some welly’ is a registered trademark. Not guaranteed to produce self standing or fuctioning jelly.

SHE D T

DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH. ME THINKS...

PROTEST THE MOSTEST: Guns On The Roof was at The Imperial War Museum the day the placards came.

protest, but ld u o w u o y d e p o h d a Ih please dont argue...

testudo and phalanx they cam

shattering the afternoon silence wall of behind a thunderous

words.

“You cant come in ‘ere wi’ them” Disgruntled security guards, startled pedigrees, confused passers by and bewildered school kids. Fifty wailing, placard wielding protesters unleashed a boisterous melee of verbal and visual unhappiness upon them all. Gathered at Londons Imperial War Museum, a vast array of chips were volleyed from every shoulder. The air was thick with angst. Leaving as quickly as they came the fleeting pack enjoyed the disturbance they had caused. “BOB’S A LIAR, BOB’S A LIAR!” echoed through the barrels of William Beardmore’s 15” guns which stood aloof behind the protesters. Disgust filled the brow of many, whilst wonderment saturated the eyes of most. As entry to the museum was sternly denied the chants faded through the park and down the street. Though hours later there was still one wandering whisper...

“My son my son, what have ye done!”

IN THIS

MELTING POT WE ROT . Melting Pot Productions search for the

meaning of life...

“THE DOOR!? DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT... ... YOU LEAVE, YOU DIE, YOU LEAVE, YOU DIE!” Reg perfect, has been ‘unboxed’ after being reported missing as Melting Pot productions continue their search for the meaning of life. Graphic footage has been posted on the world wide web. Melting Pot have an infamous and disturbing history, and it is as yet unknown why Reg Perfect was targeted.

we shall defend our island whatever the cost may be we will fight them

on the beaches

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‘ring ring’ reis reffold