ren magazine mini-issue no. 1
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THE BREAKUP COLLECTION PLAYLIST 1. four walls - broods 2. we won’t - jaymes young & phoebe ryan 3. i hate u, i love u - gnash ft. olivia o’brien 4. i can’t make you love me - bon iver 5. about today - the national
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yes, this is about you but no, this isn’t for you. this is for me. maybe I should thank you. without you, there would be no source material and this would never have been written. you know who you are. -in some way, a dedication
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you’ve got eyes like honey and a venus flytrap mouth words drip sweet poison when they fall from your lips honey hurt me some more, mouth, hands your voice a thousand knives eviscerating I want you to -venus flytrap mouth
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there were only so many times I could let you toss me out like trash, something not worth loving gently used goods you were going to kindly donate I have some pride -curbside pride
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like a moth to a flame I’m drawn to you despite myself I want to get burned every time someone once said the opposite of love is indifference; they’re right hate me it’s better than nothing set me on fire at least I’ll feel the sting
-like a moth to a flame
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you know what I regret? the silence that spread between us all 5,962 miles of cellphone static time difference weighing heavy I should have said something then could have, but I was tired tired of convincing you that I was worth loving -part 1
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and what was I supposed to say? breakups aren’t always mutual you had your reasons and I had mine -part 2
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we were kids, playing house I painted you too much fantasy even sunlight makes a home in you you loved to imagine who I was morethan you loved me we had fun, didn’t we? -playing house
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it was going to end anyway. but you had to end it like this
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the sun rose the next day and then the next and i got drunk and angry for letting you treat me that way you’re an asshole for continuing to let you treat me that way -the world stops for no one
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you are just something past, not a friend or an ex-lover only some kind of regret
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all that anger, all that hurt. sadness and a sense of loss. some kind of mourning. did you feel it too? -last
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honey, i
forgive you
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many thanks, to all of my friends who encouraged me to write, to my family whom I cannot imagine living without, and especially my siblings who found my secret writing blog and shared it amongst themselves and complimented me while embarrassing me because it was supposed to be a secret to SK who will be the first to see this because I promised, and to RKY, your love and support means the world to me. -c.h.
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