I am a man and sometimes I have needs. Sometimes I can feel sensitive, and that’s when I talk to my friends. But sometimes my friends aren’t around. Instead of bottling it up and carrying on, or going on Facebook and saying “everything is okay” – why not talk to someone else? – Mistajam Talk to CALM Confidential, free and anonymous. No one needs to know what you’re feeling apart from the person on the other end of the phone. Don’t Delay – Call Today The Silence Is Killing Us – No More CALMzine Winter 2015
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LET’S TALK
Contents 2 Goldie talks Yoga 8 INTERESTS 9 How to get published 12 How to Keep Going. By Jamie Ramsey 14 Open Secrets: on going bald and erectile dysfunction 18 How cities cause stress 22 The Gallery: introducing Eric Yahnker 25 DISTRACTIONS including: The Rant, Dear Josh, poetry, opinion and more 32 My Idea Of Fun: Olly Alexander, Years & Years
Dear reader, The CALMzine might look a bit different this issue (we’ve done a redesign), but it’s still the same vital communication on the confusions and thrills of being a man today. In this issue we have drum & bass superstar Goldie talking about how yoga (yes, yoga) saved him from addiction, advice on how to keep going from a guy who’s running 18,000km from Vancouver to Buenos Aires (thanks, Jamie Ramsay), Olly from Years & Years, and much more besides: notes on going bald, erectile dysfunction, self-publishing, vegetarianism, and regular CALMzine features inlcuding The Rant and Dear Josh. Christmas is round the corner, and if you feel bleak during the so-called festive season (strange isn’t it, how a time of year that’s supposed to make you feel festive can make you feel truly dismal?) here’s a few ideas on what to do: Go fishing. Start the year by redecorating your room/house/garden. Ring a mate. Go running – even if it is half a mile each week – amazing how different it can make you feel. Talk to someone, or talk to CALM. Or web chat if that’s easier at: www.thecalmzone.net Hug your mum. Or a mate. Thanks for reading and enjoy the issue, Kevin Braddock, Editor
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CEO: Jane Powell Editor: Kevin Braddock Creative Direction, Art Direction & Design: Bruce Usher, Jamie McIntyre, Silvina De Vita Supporting Writers: Shane O’Brien, James Cartwright, Chris Owen, Josh Idehen, Will de Groot, Andre Anderson, Bryan Walker, Dr. Tiffany Watt-Smith, Lawrence Gordon, Jamie Ramsay Cover Photography: Goldie by Neil Bedford Supporting Photographers and Illustrators: Braulio Amado, Paul Layzell, Neil Bedford, Tim Lahan, Eric Yahnker, Gordon Armstrong, Rami Niemi thecalmzone.net: Jojo Furnival Special thanks to: TOPMAN, JC Decaux, Symbian Print, Ruth Drake, Kelly Isaac, Mark Storor Write to CALMzine, or write for us by emailing editor@thecalmzone.net Twitter: @theCALMzone www.thecalmzone.net Charity reg no: 1110621 & Scot SC044347
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SALVATION THROUGH SUN SALUTATIONS
Interview: Shane O’Brien
Photography: Neil Bedford
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Is yoga the key to better living? Can it promote better mental health alongside better physical health? Can yoga truly be the way we can reinvent ourselves? Those were some of the questions we considered when we met Goldie, whom you might not readily associate with the Indian spiritual-physical system which involves staying still in difficult contortions. You might know him as the guy with the gold teeth who was responsible for the emergence and domination of drum ’n’ bass, or as a Bond baddie, TV star, graffiti artist or sometimes boyfriend of Björk, but you’d be mistaken in believing that’s all he is. For the past five years Goldie has been on a journey of physical and spiritual reinvention, battling his demons and addictions through the ancient Indian practice of yoga. In person, he manifests the dynamic intensity and brutal, laugh-out-loud honesty he’s known for, yet it’s easy to forget that Goldie is a bloke like all of us, evolving and growing as a person all the time, in the middle of what’s been a rather crazy life (actually, being larger than life, he’s like 10 blokes in one bloke’s body). The jungalist megastar is 50 now, and finding ways to better living. So, could yoga be the salvation we modern men all need? We turned to the Alchemist for answers… CALM: How has the discipline of yoga helped you evolve? Goldie: it just helps prevent me from being a complete ****, it levels me out y’know? I’ve had three days of practice this week and I’m feeling very calm and very strong minded. It helps me realise that I’ve gotta do what needs to be done, it helps me get my plan together as opposed to putting mud in the water. Mentally it’s helped me a great deal. Physically, I feel pretty strong, I’m turning 50 this week. I’m half a century! I’m old enough to be your dad, but fitter than your dad! What brought about the need for change? I never expected to get to 50 and I’ve had a life of drugs and rock ’n’ roll and it’s been a bit mad, y’know? It’s a life I didn’t want anymore. When I was 30 I realised I was an addict, like really badly. I was touring and I 4
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was just out of control and I just decided that it was too depressing, it was one of those things where it just became too much, I’ve had to fight with that my whole life. It was only when I found yoga where it really made a big change to the way I think about it. I don’t want to do gear just like I don’t want to drink, I simply needed to – all that bullshit gets in the way y’know. I think the yoga really helps. Some people do Pilates or run around the block, some people just sit in the pub in the corner and swig away all day long. I do yoga. What were your first impressions of yoga? Just tree-hugging bollocks. The last thing I expected me to be doing was fucking yoga, of all things. Especially being a male from an urban background, it’s just like, “really? ”. When I started doing yoga I realised how intense all the demons I had to face were – it was like every comedown I’ve ever had in the same room at the same time – it just hit me and it makes you realise you’ve been a complete mug and you need to sort yourself out. What I find really fascinating is all these absolute twats in the new generation, all taking selfies with each other: if they really faced themselves they wouldn’t like the person they’re looking at. That’s what yoga is, when you’re in that room and you’re sweating your bollocks off, you’re really going at it, you start to realise after 20 minutes where you REALLY are and it hits you. You’ve then gotta marry those two separations, you’ve gotta get your body right and your mind right. Once you master putting those together, your realise you’re truly standing on your own two feet. Is yoga a workout or something more? I sat in the gym all day long in my thirties and forties and thought nah, I’m massive, I’m hench. You don’t really get any positive vibes from that and I started injuring myself going too hard. Yoga helps you deal with the internal stuff a lot better, all of the really dark aspects of my life, which are really dark, kinda really just got phased out by yoga. I don’t think I’d be alive if it wasn’t for yoga right now, to be honest. So yoga was your salvation? I think anything is a salvation, if you find something that’s gonna keep you level, it can be. Anything that saves you deserves your respect, it’s giving yourself a second chance, you should always
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give yourself a second chance but I’m also talking about reinvention, it’s a very important thing. You’ve definitely reinvented yourself and you seem spiritually in touch now… Ha! You’re also spiritually in touch when you drink vodka all day long, but yoga is a different kind of spirituality, it’s a very conscious type of spirituality. It doesn’t mean I’ve got wings on this back of mine y’know? I’ve definitely still got devil horns, I’m still the kinda person who would like a tear-up and I’ve gotta realise that the consequences of a tear-up is that it ain’t gonna do me any favours and it’s a responsibility that I have. It’s knowing that I deal with addiction every day and I deal with wanting to be a better person. There’s a great saying I have in my house: “I’ve learned so much from the mistakes in my life that I might make a few more.” Yoga allows me to be really really super-focused. They should teach yoga in schools. A lot of young men struggle to find themselves – what advice could you give them? Young guys more than women, I think, struggle because the ego is a bastard. How the fuck can you be in control of your life when the biggest twat in your life sits between your fucking ears? The person that’s telling you what to do, who thinks he knows everything. So if I can’t be better than that, I need to tame that person that I’m assuming I have control over, that’s what you have to understand. We don’t know the fucking answers, we think we know the answers. I think with guys it’s the fucking ego. When we shed the ego it allows us to evolve. A lot of men have a preconceived notion of what yoga is… I’m nearly 50 years old, I play music every week, I go to festivals, Sun And Bass last week, Dimensions the week before, I’m smashing up tunes and these young kids wanna go toe-go-toe – let’s see ’em play a five-hour set, how about then? There’s a lot behind what we do and that power and concentration is down to yoga. I did this art show when I first started, two years into my practice run, 26 pieces of work in 18 weeks. I was standing in my garden with all 26 pieces and said to the missus, “I’ve done it!”, and I was emotional. If I hadn’t been practicing yoga, I don’t think I would have been able to do it. All the hangovers and the waking up and sleeping till 1pm? The energy 6
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levels are all reset and I can’t say it’s down to anything else. Certainly not down to wanking. Have you had any criticism for your love of yoga? No one’s ever said a thing to me. I’ve had Jammer and all those guys say to me, I’d love to come and check out all this yoga stuff man, you’re doing so well. There are people who are super positive. Society has accelerated very fast, at such a rate that this [holds up iPhone] can’t even keep up. We, however, evolve much slower but the mindset is getting crushed. So I think that having new ways to treat the physical body and the mind, you can’t get better than yoga – I was 44 when I started yoga and I’m feeling better now than I did 15 years ago. There’s a lot to be said for that. If you could have told yourself something 10 years ago, what would it be? You’re a c***. I didn’t know it then, but now I know. People have followed you and your music for 20 years. What’s the key to longevity? The great thing that music and art has allowed me to do is to reach out to a broken generation, they feel part of Metalheadz and what we do. They click and are part of it. I’ve seen so many Metalheadz tattoos on people because they wanna be a part of this thing but it’s not a record label that doesn’t give a f*** – I care about the music, I care about the longevity of the music. Do you think there needs to be change in the way we live to reinvent ourselves? The problem is we need, as men and young women, to allow the serotonin to release and not just through drugs, through natural aspects like yoga, like Pilates, running or art. Parkour should be in schools, yoga should be in schools, we’ve got music and art in there already. Drum ’n’ bass formed underground and got really successful – what lesson have we learnt by that? People were selling cassettes and CDs on Oxford street with no certain success but they still got out there and did more than most. I feel very strongly towards the arts, and what we’re not putting into it. The curriculum needs to be more about expression…
Find out more about yoga at Yogangster.co.uk
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Chatting about: Self-publishing, Jamie Ramsay, Baldness, Erectile Dysfunction, Stressy Cities & Eric Yahnker 8
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THE W RITE STU FF
How publishing a book changed perceptions on an inner-city estate – and changed the lives of the young people who live there Story: Andre Anderson
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The Write Stuff
“We needed better stories: stories that told us that we were not criminals, but creators” A den of beasts. A cluster of flats filled with goblins and ghouls. A place of crime and poverty. An area to be avoided at all costs. These are the pictures many may depict when trying to describe the spook-story that is St Raphael’s Estate in northwest London, my home. After living here for 23 years, you get used to the mythological remarks about your place of residence. From the way outsiders speak, you might think that everybody who lives here is a crook. You’re not even safe around the grandmothers, in their opinion. Where it’s true that this place has built a reputation over the years for its “badman-ness”, the stories told about St Raphael’s Estate have horribly affected its young people’s self-perception. The stories the newspapers told us were stories of despair. Stories about violence and desperation. That has deeply affected how we see ourselves. We needed better stories: stories that told us that we were not criminals, but creators. I was 18 when I held my first self-published book. Seeing something that was once invisible, but now tangible and in front of me, was an experience. I’m male, so this is the closet thing I’ll get to birthing a baby. It was empowering. What was more empowering was when my books allowed me to meet new people, get jobs and give talks overseas. It was at this point I realised that my creativity was the passport that took me from lingering in my local area to gaining access to all of these opportunities. When I came back, I shared these new insights with five people from my estate. Four guys, one girl. I approached them with a simple idea: we are going to write a book about St Raphael’s. This book is going to be your passport. Whatever you want to do with
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this passport is up to you. We are going to change perceptions about the people who live here. We are going to design, print, and give this book to all 1,000 homes in St Raphael’s Estate, just because we can. After a few months of creative struggle (bearing in mind, very few of us were regular writers) the book was complete: “Authors of the Estate” a 96-page publication, documenting our existence. I don’t know what was more powerful, giving this book to every household in the estate or seeing each author’s character transform as they wrote their stories. You see, when you spend most of your educational life being taught how to avoid creative thinking, rigid prisons are built in your mind. The very act of writing allows us to break out of those prisons and explore our minds, as an explorer does a jungle. The more we explore our mental space, the freer and more confident we feel in our physical space. More creativity equals more liberty. And I am a witness to this. I can show you every pivotal moment at which my life has changed; and nine times out of 10 those moments occurred because of a book I wrote, or a project I started. This was one of them. The newspapers went from calling my area a place of anarchists to calling it a place of authors. I believe it’s in everyone’s best interests to take their creativity seriously, and carve out time regularly to work on creative projects. These projects can be as small as a love letter or as big as an album. Whatever you create is up to you. The very act of creating will put your mind in a new place and will change how you see yourself and the world around you.
Find our more about Andre Anderson’s project at www.authorsoflondon.com
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HOW TO KEEP GOING
Jamie Ramsay is currently running 18,000km from Vancouver to Buenos Aires to raise money for a number of charities, including CALM. We asked him what he knows about how to keep going – because let’s face it, we’ve all wanted to give up at some point. Here are his inspiring thoughts:
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˝ Break the day down into small manageable segments and don’t allow myself to be overwhelmed by the enormity of the task in hand. ˝ Think about the positives that come out from what it is that I am doing. In my case the money being raised for my charities. ˝ I make sure that I am in the best place both mentally and physically to be able to carry out the task ahead. This means eat well, look after my body, get enough sleep and rest when I need to. ˝ Ask for help when you need it. It is easy to forget that other people probably know how to achieve what you are doing better than you do. ˝ Listen to motivational stories from others. I am a big fan of podcasts and love listening to successful people’s stories. Successful doesn’t mean rich or powerful, it normally means happy and fulfilled.
Find out more about Jamie’s support for CALM at jamieisrunning.com
˝ Prioritise happiness. There is no point in undertaking something that is not ultimately rewarding for yourself. If you don’t enjoy it then the chances are you won’t give it your full dedication. ˝ Look for the safe, easy and sensible route. There is very little to be gained from making something more complicated or risky than it needs to be. ˝ Learn about the environment. The more I know about where I am, the people around me and their history, the more absorbed I get into the task at hand.
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And Another Thing… Jamie adds : “I think we forget that people are inherently good. A great example of this was the hospitality I had in central Peru. A friend put me in touch with a friend in Lima and asked if they could help me. Without any question she agreed. But her kindness didn’t just stop at giving me a bed. She went out of her way to make sure I had everything I could possibly need. This kindness was contagious and I found that this hospitality was spreading to each town I entered. People who heard my story started to offer to help. I had meals bought for me, places to stay, clothes donated and even had a private tour round a archaeological site and was introduced to some 700-year-old mummies. It just goes to show that one person’s kindness can multiply and inspire others to reach out and help.”
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The fear of losing your hair is worse than actually having no hair First it began at the temples, a subtle receding spotted on long sessions staring into the mirror, joined by the sight of hairs on the pillow in the morning which caused a low-level anxiety. Later on, the tempo of shedding accelerated on the top and back of my head , leaving me with a sort of monk-like ring of hair with a whispy little pad at the crown, and more worries. I started losing my hair when I was about 16, and by the age of around 23 Male Pattern Baldness, which is a completely normal thing but still a bit difficult to deal with, had lain waste to my nut to such an extent that the only real option seemed to be to shave what remained off – make my head consistently, instead of partially, bald. Of course it wasn’t easy, and it caused me a lot of inner agony: maybe people won’t love me if I’m bald?!? Truth is, men are judged by their hair, by its quality, colour and shape, not quite as much as women are, but they definitely are and especially when they’re young, and when the cosmos of contemporary heroes all sport full and beautiful hairstyles. Hair is connected to ideas of virility, strength and romanticism. Gradually I had to let go of the dream of having hair like Paul McCartney, Noel Gallagher or Ian Brown, blokes whose images I liked. Still, the dream lingers and – I’ll be honest – every few months I have a dream where I have a full head of hair, and I enjoy sculpting it into new shapes. The other day I even had a dream that I had a massive set of dreadlocks – the most hairy of all possible hairs. Talking with my psychotherapist about all this, we came to the conclusion that losing my hair was a symbolic loss though I have to say these days it rarely troubles me – consciously, at least – to be as bald as a billiard ball, but at the time it was terrible. I don’t say all this to recommend you go shaved when you start losing your hair, but if that’s happening, then take courage! Back 14 Story: Kevin Braddock
Illustration: Tim Lahan
when mine started going, it was a brave step to shave it all off because a shaved head was a bit less common than it is today (I’m 43). I find it a relief today that you can just shave your head and no-one will notice. It’s normal now. There are a lot of myths about going bald – that baldness is inherited from your mum’s dad, that it happens because you think or wank too much, and that it’s due to having too much of testosterone. Read about those on the internet and judge for yourself, or ask a doctor. However, as with most supposedly shameful “defects”, the reality of going and being bald isn’t all that bad once you face up to it, accept it, stop hiding from it and move on from it – perhaps even celebrate it. There are some upsides too – a bald head can make you look wise and knowing (there’s a good reason monks from all sorts of religions shave their heads), as well as sexy: if I had a quid for the number of times a woman has asked to stroke my bald head, I’d probably have enough money for a hair transplant. Not that I’d spend the cash that way. No, I’d rather participate in the secret club called “Bald Pride” whose icons include figures such as the footballer Zinedine Zidane, the actors Sir Ben Kingsley, Mark Strong and Bruce Willis, the comedian Larry David, the cyclist Marco Pantani (RIP), and Jason Statham, Isaac Hayes, Samuel L. Jackson and many others. The kind of blokes who somehow make it okay to be a bald man, which is a lesson I personally am learning one day – and one dream – at a time. “Ridicule is nothing to be scared of” sang the Eighties pop star Adam Ant. Neither is going bald.
WHAT’S THE PROBLEM WITH...
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HOW TO DEAL WITH...
16 Story: Will de Groot
Illustration: Tim Lahan
Confronting the —“I’m hard, therefore I am” myth Erectile dysfunction is something that most men experience at some point in their lives. By the age of forty, 40 per cent of men have experienced ED and yet on average, it takes a guy 21 months to speak to a doctor about it. So why aren’t we talking about it, and how do we move towards overcoming one of the great taboos? Artist Mark Storor seeks to address the topic through art. His theatrical piece “The Barometer of My Heart” is based on intimate and real insights gained whilst sitting in on medical consultations of men dealing with ED. The play lifts the lid on the often devastating – but rarely spoken about – impact that the condition can have on the emotional, psychological and physical lives of men. For young guys in particular, who have grown up in the digital age, ED is being linked with early exposure to hardcore internet porn, something Storor is keen to raise awareness around: “You have men experiencing ED for the first time aged 19 because they’re engaging in physical sex and are unable to cope with the physical and emotional aspect of it, with being intimate with another person for the first time.” And it seems fair to say that many aren’t coping. There’s a wider, tragically overlooked reality that Storor is also keen to highlight: “This is literally a matter of life and death. There are men committing suicide, experiencing severe depression and self-harming because of [ED].” It’s clear that there are huge social pressures that come with talking about ED. As men, we continuously try to mask our insecurities and play up to stereotypes for fear of being labelled as weak, inadequate and, crucially, “less of a man”. In the case of ED ironically, it appears that perpetuating the myth of the “hard man” isn’t doing anyone any favours. As men, we’re taught that getting it up is a given, so when it doesn’t happen and
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performance anxiety kicks in, we’re unable to cope. Often it feels like there’s little space, time or thought given to express what we’re going through, the result being that we just end up retreating further in on ourselves. In dealing with the issue, there are a number of points that Mark Storor believes can help. It’s important to remember that any man can have ED at any point, and there are a number of reasons why it can happen, from the psychological, the physiological, the emotional to the medical. Try not to jump to extreme conclusions about yourself, as there could be any number of explanations as to why it’s happening – stress, for instance. Where possible, give yourself permission to speak your mind. Whether it’s speaking to your doctor or your girlfriend/boyfriend, try to free yourself from the fear of talking about the issue. ED is far more common than you might first think – if you experience the problem, then you’re definitely not alone. In doing so, try not to put a barrier between you and your partner. ED can often put a lot of strain on relationships, so communication becomes key. Not talking about it, or leaving your partner in the dark, will only add to the confusion for both yourself and others. Often we build up these anxieties in our minds and end up isolating ourselves further, when really, talking about it can go a long way. As Storor explains, “It’s not as hardcore as scratching the surface, sometimes it’s more about just wiping it away”. What Mark Storor’s work signifies is the start of a conversation. When it comes to ED, there’s a responsibility on all of us to engage in this discussion. By talking about it, we give ourselves permission to talk about it more, to remove that fear of judgment and ridicule that cripples so many.
Find out more about Mark Storor at www.artsadmin.co.uk
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Science is suggesting that the urban world creates mental health problems. Time to get out for a stroll in the country?
Odds are if you’ve picked up this zine you’re living in a city. Potentially bad news, then, because recent scientific research suggests that living in cities is detrimental to the mind, increasing stress levels, causing feelings of isolation and even putting you at greater risk of schizophrenia. But fret not, this won’t be some shock piece designed to worry you further, or lobby you to leave your urban home for a little shack in the woods. The science is complex and not yet wholly conclusive, but if you often feel like city living is stressing you out, studies show you’re not alone. 18 Story: James Cartwright
In 1965, the health authorities in Camberwell, south London, began to make a record of everyone in the area diagnosed with psychiatric conditions like bipolar disorder, depression and schizophrenia. Thirty two years later they discovered that the recorded instances of mental health issues had almost doubled from 11 in 100,000 people to 23 in 100,000, though the population hadn’t grown noticeably in that time. The numbers might not be vast, but they raise questions as to the psychological impact of city living. “It seems,” says Dr Jane Boydell who led the Camberwell study, “that cities may be making us sick.”
With over 50 per cent of the global population now living in cities, assessing their impact on mental health is a hot topic for researchers. Anecdotally at least, we know they’re often tough places to be – noisy, crowded and posing a greater risk from crime – but with so many potential contributing factors, it’s hard to produce concrete evidence that it’s just our urban environments that cause us such stress. Professor Andreas Meyer-Lindberger is keen to provide a definitive answer. The director of the Central Institute of Mental Health in Mannheim, Germany, says that “yes, city-stress is a big, messy concept, but I believed it should be possible to at least see if the brains of city-dwellers looked somehow different.” He hopes to discover what aspects of the city are stressful, to allow architects, urban planners and local governments to develop a city code based in science, and engineer the urban environment to be gentler on the psyche. The tests he’s engineered sound intimidating at best, but are intended to mirror the everyday stress of cities. Subjects are placed in an fMRI scanner that allow Andreas’ team to observe electromagnetic activity in the brain. Then they’re set complex mathematical problems and given short deadlines in which to solve them – while they do so the scientists tell them they’re some of the worst performing individuals ever to have been studied in the lab. Hellish they may be, but the tests have shown fascinating results about the way people from urban and rural environments deal differently with stress. City dwellers – you can see where this is going – aren’t as well equipped to deal with stress as their peers, and their amygdalas (the part of the brain that assesses threat and causes fear) flared up in the fMRI images during testing.
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The perigenual anterior cingulate cortex (pACC) is another part of the brain designed to regulate the amygdala, and imaging in this area showed further extraordinary results, demonstrating a relationship between where subjects had been brought up and activity in this area. People who’d been raised in the countryside showed less pACC activity under stress and were more able to deal with their mathematical tasks under pressure. This doesn’t offer the concrete proof that Andreas may have hoped for – only 50 subjects have so far been subjected to his stress tests, though follow-ups are currently in progress – but it does add weight to a growing number of studies that suggest the metropolis might make us mad. Dutch research supports the increased instances of schizophrenia, a Hammersmith hospital suggests that spiked dopamine levels might be responsible for our stress, and researchers in Tokyo are noticing record rates of suicide among the young. In Cairo it’s suggested that the sheer levels of noise are shredding the nerves of the city’s inhabitants, and in Shanghai they suggest it’s the result of cramming 23 million people into one city. Whatever the root cause, science doesn’t yet have the answer, but an ever-increasing body of researchers worldwide are on the case. Until they’ve got concrete solutions to the problem of city stress it’s business as usual in the boroughs, so maybe make some time to go for a countryside stroll once in a while, or at least get a few hundred feet away from the nearest main road. Your amygdala will thank you!
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How We Roll By Jamie Carson Looking for a simple (and warm) way to refresh your winter outfits? Then we’ve got the cure to your aching disdain towards everyday tees and shirts: the roll neck. The classic knitwear item has been given a new lease of life and is no longer just associated with fishermen and Bond villains, as we’ve revamped it with premium wool, seasonal colours and unique textures that’ll transform your style in one easy switch.
Go Fresh This season has seen a lot of guys colliding casual elements with smarter pieces. Take this look for example, a tailored bomber suit with elasticated formal joggers and a plain shirt. A truly modern look that’s amplified by the roll neck popping up subtly underneath the shirt.
Go Bold
Go Sixties
If pumpkin flavoured beverages aren’t your thing, show off your festive nature by wearing it on your sleeve – literally. Rich winter colours such as this spiced orange roll neck give a bright burst to contrast the dark nights.
Everyone is banging on about the 70s, so we thought we’d be different and go a decade behind with this double layered, James Dean inspired look. Normally a white t-shirt would suffice, but opting for a black roll neck gives it a cooler gothic feel.
Go Novelty
Go Party
It’s pretty much the law that you have to wear a Christmas jumper, whether that be for work, lads night out or pretending you’re a decent human being when visiting your grandparents. If you already have a favourite festive knit, wear a roll neck underneath it and make your own style.
‘Tis the season to party, but aren’t you sick of spilling colourful drinks on your white shirt and drunkenly wrapping your tie around your head? Ditch the combo that everyone expects you to wear and replace with a chunky roll neck in luxury merino wool.
Head to your local Topman store to get rollin’ this winter
THE CALM ART SHOW: ERIC YAHNKER 22 Reasons to be cheerful
Dealing with pop culture, politics, and the occasional strawberry with a smile on its face. Californian artist Eric Yahnker’s work is odd in the best sense of the word, but never less than entertaining, and often rather surreal as well. Let these images bring a smile to your face, and find out more about him at www.ericyahnker.com Works, in order of appearance: Glumbrella, 2011 Fretful Flowers, 2015 Berry Astonished, 2009
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24 Reasons to be cheerful
Some stuff to have a think about, including: If eating meat makes you a man, People who chew loudly, Emotions felt by humans, Olly from Years & Years, The Rant, Dear Josh, Mandictionary, and other bits & bobs‌ www.thecalmzone.net
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DEAR JOSH
CALM’s resident agony uncle offers advice on your life hassles Dear Josh, I recently quit smoking and bought a vape. I feel a bit more healthy, but my girlfriend reckons it looks stupid. Can you advise? – Johnny Plume, Brizzle Dude, you’re trying to be healthy. You are increasing your chances of making it to 80 without an oxygen tank. That’s a lot of life, and it’s not gonna be much fun if you let things like “it looks stupid” affect you. But if it bothers you real bad, next time she says it, show her a picture of lung cancer. Boom! Now who’s stupid etc. Dear Josh, what is it about people who walk around staring at their iPhones and crashing into me and holding me up? Is there an app to help with that? – Mac, The Internet Yes. It’s called 20/20 vision. In a world gone blind with smartphones, the two-eyed man is god. YOU ARE THAT GOD. YOU CAN SEE THEM COMING. AVOID THEM. SIDESTEP THEM. APPRECIATE THE WORLD THEY ARE MISSING. IT IS ALL YOURS AND YOURS ALONE. 26 Telling it like it is
Illustration: Paul Layzell
Dear Josh, you seem like a man of the world. Where in the world is a good place to go to: 1: chill out. 2: write a novel. 3: bring the noise. 4: meet the love of my life? THANKS! - Mister Paul, Forest Hill 1: Your bed. 2: Your bed. 3: Your bed. 4: Technically the morning after is an ideal time to fall in love with a girl you met the night before, soooo… Dear Josh, I’m not fantastic, but I would like to be fantastic. Can you give some tips on how to be fantastic? – UnFantastic Man, London W1 Think of the one thing you love doing. Like, really, obsessively love doing. Now do that thing. Do that thing till the sun goes moon grey with age. Do it till you get bored rigid, then moved to the second thing. Also, don’t be mean and love yourself. Fantastic-ness is guaranteed! Dear Josh, I’m an Aries. My horoscope says I’m best suited to lovers who are Leo, Gemini or Sagittarius. Is that true, or is astrology a load of bollocks? – Ram-Man, Stevenage The joy of belief is that no-one knows for sure. Even atheism, which I ascribe to, isn’t 100 per cent. There are seven billion-plus people in the world: even if you’re narrowing it down to Leo, Gemini and Saggythingy, that’s still a heck of a lot of people. I’d reckon a solid billion, easy. Someone to love gots to be in there…
Got a question for Josh? Email us on editor@thecalmzone.net NOTE: Josh isn’t a qualified expert. He’s just a joker. Find out more at www.poejazzi.com If you do need to talk to someone, call the CALM helpline: 0800 802 5858. Outside London: 0800 585858
THE RANT
Loud chewers and the gum they chew (loudly) By Chris Owen
I don’t remember a great deal of my very early years, say between zero and about five years old. Sure, there’s the odd fleeting memory of Southwold as a nipper, usually recalled by the smell of Funny Feet (the ice-cream, not what emerges out of my socks after a day traipsing around London); or me building a Lego house and my dad pointing out that I’d entombed the Lego man in it because I’d built four walls rather than the standard three with the back open (thus allowing you to move Lego figures around the house). There’s probably something dark and psychologically telling about the Lego jail, but let’s not go there. One thing I do remember, however, is being taught not to eat with my mouth open. If (childhood) memory serves, this was less an ongoing lesson from my parents about functionality (“the food will fall out”) and more a matter of politeness, (“who wants to see you chewing your food?”). I don’t want to sound like a terrible show-off, but I think I mastered it pretty quickly. I could both eat AND keep my mouth shut at the tender age of about four – and it’s a skill I can still proudly showcase today. Sadly, judging by most of my walks around London, not everyone seems to have got the memo. Firstly, chewing gum is not a binding agent. Nor is it cud, and for that matter neither are you, Mister Biped, a cow – and so chewing away like a particularly hungry bovine does not particularly flatter. It also doesn’t make you look tough, cool or edgy. You just look like a lip-smacking twat who can’t operate their own jaw in public. It sounds vile too. Stop it.
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And you – Captain Chewing Like a Stegosaur – you, stop it. Close your mouth and stop showing everyone within 20 yards the revolting contents of your mouth. If I wanted to see what a chewed-up tuna baguette looked like, I’d go and have a look at Gregg’s waste bin. Harking back to previous manifesto pledges, if I get elected London Mayor I’m instigating an on-the-spot fine system for people who can’t eat with their mouth shut (unless they have a note from their doctor or mum excusing them). If you’re old enough to buy your own baguette, you’re old enough to fucking eat it properly.
Do you have something you want to rant about? Send 300 words to editor@thecalmzone.net
MAN DICTIONARY! ON MANHOOVERS Eg, “I can't talk now, I'm On Manhoovers” - Of taking a rigourous, planned approach to domestic cleaning, vacuuming, dishwashing etc, while also confronting the stereotype that men don’t do cleaning. Got an entry? Tweet it using the hashtag #Mandictionary
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27
DOES MAKE THE MAN? “Guy food” usually means burgers, ribs, dogs and big slabs of animal protein.
28 Story: Shane O’Brien
So what happens to your manliness when you give it all up?
Illustration: Gordon Armstrong
So what exactly is it that makes a ? Many factors play into what we all perceive to be a “true” man, from the clothes a guy wears to the substance of what he eats. But is this the best way to measure how aligned someone is with their gender – by external, material things? Of course not. The fact that I have male genitals is what defines my gender. However, some people actually take issue with the question. I’d never encountered gender-based quibbles with regard to food until three or so months ago, when I decided my life needed to change positively and I set out to address the things which weren’t making me feel good. On the topic of diet, I’d realised that my beliefs and the food I consume had become a complete contradiction and in turn, made me feel horribly guilty and angry at myself. So I quit consuming meat, for many reasons, the key one being: if I didn’t feel like I could kill an animal to cook, then I don’t want somebody else doing it for me. Eating meat had seemed a normal part of life up until that point, because I’d never looked at it as something that was once living. As soon as I addressed that, I no longer felt like eating it. There followed the quandary of people questioning whether I felt less manly for this change in diet. “You’re gonna struggle to maintain muscle mass” and “…but eating makes you feel more manly” were two of the remarks that confused me. I’d never really thought about it, but the more I dwelled on these remarks, I realised it was just like when people quiz you about whether your occupation defined your manliness, along with your car, style, way of speaking and so on.
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Genders have prescribed roles and expected qualities, and when you move outside of them the subject is up for debate. Apparently. -eating, or the rejection of it, had somehow become attached to my identity, so that’s when I had to address it. Was I prepared to feel bad for letting my morals guide my actions? Was my diet of all things going to be the reason I lose whatever reputation I had as a man? . I won’t let my diet affect my “man” status simply because it can’t. Does refusing to eat meat all of a sudden rob me of my masculinity? Will my testosterone wither and fade as I step further from the burgers? Do my actions play a bigger role than my biology in what I am? Of course not. Yes, our ancestors ate meat for survival, the population was a lot smaller back then and for a long time we hunted creatures for dinner. But I’m not a vegetarian today because I believe eating meat has always been wrong, I’m a vegetarian because I’m not comfortable with the idea of raising an animal to then slaughter it, especially not at the rate with which we are currently doing it. If you choose to eat meat, I respect your decision. All I ask is that you reciprocate and don’t weigh down on my choices. There’s a world of diversity out there with a wealth of different people, and what a guy chooses to eat should never affect his position as man. And after all, it’s kind of a silly thing to berate someone for, isn’t it?
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29
THE REAL MEANING ❤F FEELINGS Why is it so hard for men to say what they feel – or even to admit to feeling anything at all? Maybe the truth is less that men bottle it all up, but that they’re happier expressing emotions they have learned are “male”: confidence, courage, and jealousy for example. We’re often told that anger, fear, love and the rest are purely biological instincts – that we are nothing but mammals. Truth is that culture we live in, our spiritual and political beliefs, and particularly the assumptions we hold about gender, hold an important influence over our emotional lives. Understanding how history and culture has shaped our ideas about emotions might help us recognise how outmoded expectations are holding us back. It’s important to pay attention to the vast range of our feelings, before they rise up like the undead – as Sigmund Freud put it, “unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.”
J
For the last few decades, self-help gurus have claimed that the only difference between you and that charismatic individual for whom doors swung open was confidence. How to get it? By performing a “fake it till you make it” confidence trick on yourself. More recently, psychologists have come to think that tricking ourselves into being confident may leave us with more self-doubt. Studies have shown that if we continually pretend to be a person we’re not, we lose faith in the abilities we do have – or else feel terrified that we’ll be found out. Perhaps, then, instead of always chasing that glorious sensation of invincibility, we might also put some trust in smaller, quieter feelings, and learn to love uncertainty, hesitation and confusion too.
Dr Tiffany Watt-Smith, author of the Book Of Human Emotions, on rethinking some so-called “masculine” feelings
L
“Courage” first entered the English language via the Old French corage, from the Latin cor, meaning heart. But the medieval heart was not the muscle we’d recognise today – it was believed to act as a chamber for heating the body’s vital spirits: the higher the temperature, the more courageous the person was assumed to be. But courage could also be cultivated by shaping your life according to four cardinal virtues: prudence, justice, temperance and fortitude. So, according to the influential Christian thinker Thomas Aquinas, courage was not just an ability to “stand immovable in the midst of dangers” without succumbing to the desire to attack, but also the patience to endure pain with equanimity, to have a “strength of hope” and a feeling of “magnificence” – treating all our endeavours with sincerity and importance.
K
Today evolutionary psychologists still insist, based on very little evidence, that in prehistoric societies jealousy became a “hard-wired” trait so that men could protect their genetic inheritance, whereas women didn’t need to. In fact, since 2009 in Britain – some 20 years after Canada and Australia – the provocation of infidelity is no longer admitted as a defence in court, although research has shown that judges still show sympathy to murderers who cite jealousy as a cause for the “red mist” which led them to kill. Of course, as long as people have relationships and wandering eyes, jealousy will be a fact of life. But what we can change is its unique status as an emotion that justifies violence. Not least because it’s not just men who succumb to the low hum of suspicious thoughts, causing them to search emails and discover clues in the most innocent of glances. We all do.
30 The Book Of Human Emotions is published by the Wellcome Collection. wellcomecollection.org
Out March 2016 Plus‌
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31
MY IDEA OF FUN A moment in the mind of Olly Alexander, Years & Years What’s the craziest thing you’ve done recently? We all dressed up as the Spice Girls for Halloween and did an event at Wembley. I went out in front of 12,000 people as a zombie Ginger Spice, in five-inch heels… Your new single “Eyes Shut’ concerns depression. What made you want to cover the issue? I was taking antidepressants for a few years, I really wanted to stop and I was kind of in this process where I was stopping medication and I was feeling really low – that’s what inspired the song. Is writing music an antidote? Yeah. I keep a diary and I also keep a booklet where I keep all my lyrics. Writing is a really good way of understanding your own mind. You don’t have to think about it, you just have to get it out all on paper. What lyric sums you up best and why? The lyrics at the start of “Real” – “I broke my bones playing games with you” – because that’s kind of what most of the album is about, hurting myself over somebody. It’s quite serious… You’re now a spokesperson for the LGBT community. How did that come about? I didn’t want to be quiet about how I felt and where I stand on LGBT issues, and wanting to be a member of a community that can try and be supportive. I didn’t really set out to do it, but I just kept on getting asked about it in interviews, and then I was like, “Oh
no, I have something to say!” (laughs). But yeah, I really care about it. You have a good platform to encourage other people who are going through the same situation… There’s still not a lot of representation of the LGBT community in mainstream culture and I think there should be more, so I’m just kind of trying to encourage other people’s voices and experiences to be heard, because we need diversity. Do you have anyone you go to for advice? My friends usually – they’re like my family, that’s so important. Lots of them I have had since I was seven or eight years old so I ask them. Sometimes I ask my mum… but not a lot. What are your memories of school? I didn’t enjoy school at all! I really hated it, I was bullied quite a bit, and I really went out of my way to be different because I was so angsty. I just couldn’t wait to get out. I left at 16, I did a bit at college but that’s about it really. I have been out of education for a really long time. I have two really good friends in my year who supported me. And are you still friends with them now? Really good friends with them… Favourite band? The Spice Girls! Favourite album of all time? “Blue” by Joni Mitchell. Tea or coffee? Coffee!
The album “Communion” by Years & Years is out now. @yearsandyears
AND FINALLY: THANKS TO…
All CALM office volunteers: Sam, Sarah, Jacob, Annie, Lyndsey, Gemma. All the Mind The Chap volunteer crew – facing the gales and frost across 12 Zone 1 stations for CALM. All the volunteers who have been tirelessly raising awareness of the issue and CALM at festivals, conferences, gigs, plays, freshers fairs and more. Big up to Colchester United for their support. The rather brilliant team at TMW, David Titman, Matthew Ward, Eddie Temple-Morris, Sonny Wharton, Rob da Bank, Mistajam, Robert Stringer, Carolyn Djanogly, Paul Reed, RKZ, Amy Meadows, Joe Bruce, Bellenden, Jo Jones, Ross Ferguson, Philip Portal, Jamie Baker & team ALPHA, Liz Douglas and Matt Collins. Hayden Tucker for Everesting – a fantastic effort and well done for completing it. A massive shout-out Wyatt Wendels, cycling 180 miles, and what an amazing response from fans and supporters. We salute you all. To all who have worked so hard the last couple of months orgainsing your own events. You’re brilliant! An incredible thank you to Mark Parsons who climbed Mount Kilimanjaro
Illustration of Jamie Ramsay: Rami Niemi
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And all our wonderful writers, plus: Scott Shillum, Gemma Bond, Doug Hall and Rapman, The Karma Party, Will de Groot, Giancarlo Gaglione, the What Is CALM video team – Nigel Heath, Marc Pickering, George Kirchner, Herries Anderton & Melissa Searle.
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