FREE
RUSSELL BRAND PLUS: SIMON AMSTELL | LOYLE CARNER | RIO FERDINAND | ROBERT WEBB
NOTE FROM THE EDITOR Humour can be used to mask the truth
Jesting and jostling seems to be the go-to thing
as well as get to the heart of it.
when we feel discomfort, but it’s obviously not all about superficial #bantz. In fact, in this issue
Banter – or craic as we might say up north and
we hear from not one but three very famous
in Ireland – can be the default mode for men.
comedians who’ve written three very clever,
Exploiting insecurities (and hiding your own),
very funny books that are probably in both the
taking the piss out of your mate’s appearance –
comedy and self-help sections of your local
it seems that it’s as much about fearing intimacy
book shop. Russell Brand, Simon Amstell and
with other men as it is about competition.
Robert Webb all use their comic brains for self-
And of course it’s fucking funny.
analysis. They use humour as therapy, a way to poke fun at self-doubt and oppressive power.
CALM’s #BestManProject aims to make light
Their comedy is used to channel pain or grief
of this. It celebrates the power of friendship
and make sense of it, sharing with others in a
– a helping hand, a nagging reminder and an
cathartic way that helps us all connect.
exploration all in one. We launched the project with a film last year that showed pairs of best
In his hilarious talk at Being A Man Festival 2017,
mates happily taking the piss before having the
Simon Amstell put it like this: “I’m often ashamed
rug pulled and looking very awkward when they
when I first try out jokes in front a small number
were asked to talk about what they really meant
of people (who’ve paid very little and have low
to one another. We upped our game last month
expectations.) I’m thinking, ‘I’m the only pervert
when we invited The Duke Of Cambridge,
in the world that thinks this stuff.’ But then I say it
Rio Ferdinand, Loyle Carner, and Roman Kemp,
and people laugh, like "it’s fine that you feel that’.
along with their best friends, to join the
There’s never been a moment when they’ve been
conversation. More on that inside… (page 4).
like, ’okay… we have to put you in prison now.’”
Paul McGregor tells us about his first lads’
There’s plenty more of that inside. We hope it
holiday in Malia (page 12), when he used his
makes you laugh, think, and maybe have a good
‘banter gun’ to deflect attention from the fact
conversation with your own mates.
he was struggling to cope with losing his father a few months before.
Take care,
CREDITS Paul
This issue is dedicated to Michael Cullen. Editor: Paul Shiels
The Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM)
Cover Illustration: Jamie Eke
is dedicated to preventing male suicide, the single
Design: Sam Quinton
biggest killer of men under the age of 45 in the UK.
Contributers: Grant Brydon, Conor Clinch, Josh Idehen, One & A Half Studio,
Check us out at thecalmzone.net or follow us on:
Ollie MacDonald Oulds, Paul McGregor,
Twitter @theCALMzone | Facebook /theCALMzone
Chris Sav, Matthew T. Shaw, Rachel Stephenson,
Instagram @calmzone
Topman, Neil Wood Special thanks to: Topman
Need Help? Call CALM. London: 0808 802 58 58 Nationwide: 0800 58 58 58
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ROMAN KEMP
RIO FERDINAND
SIMON AMSTELL
ROBERT WEBB
RUSSELL BRAND
THE DUKE OF CAMBRIDGE
LOYLE CARNER
SMINO
4 6 8 12 14 18
BEST MAN PROJECT
HOW TO BREAK YOUR NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION LIKE A MAN
ART SHOW: SILVINA DE VITA
I CRIED AND HAD A PANIC ATTACK ON THE MALIA STRIP
RUSSELL BRAND ASKS, 'ARE YOU FUCKED?'
RORY GIRVAN GETS IT OFF HIS CHEST
24 26 28 32 34 35
ROBERT WEBB ON BOYHOOD
SIMON AMSTELL ON AYAHUASCA
WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT WEINSTEIN
LOVE YOURZ: SMINO
DEAR JOSH
THANK YOUS
CALMzine is your first port of call for all your manspiration needs. Get in touch with ideas and views at editor@thecalmzone.net. thecalmzone.net - CALM Helpline
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3
EIGHTMEN & A
DISCUSS CALM'S #BESTMANPROJECT
Being a best man is often a shining
ROMAN KEMP, RADIO PRESENTER
example of what it means to be a
It's interesting that the first thing we talk about is
great mate – planning the stag do,
football. It's a different thing when women are meeting
reminiscing, taking the piss, and
for the first time, they share more of an emotional
being there for the groom through
attachment. The banter and ridiculous football chat is
thick and thin. But why save it for a
a natural thing we go towards. But with best mates,
wedding? In 2017 CALM launched the
you don't have to have that awkward chat, you can get
#BestManProject as a helping hand for
straight to the thing you actually want to talk about.
being your mate’s best man every day, sharing the collective wit and wisdom of men around the country.
LOYLE CARNER, MUSICIAN One of my favourite rappers, Common, says,
4
To kick off The Best Man Project in
"when you're being weak, you're really being
2018, we upped our game and brought
strong". When you feel you can be vulnerable
together four pairs of best mates,
with someone else, that’s when you can really
including a few familiar faces, to
help each other. When you go through something
celebrate the power of male friendship.
fantastic and share it with someone and they're
Here are a few choice nuggets of
as excited and animated as you – as if it’s their
wisdom from what one guest called
triumph - then when you're lowest, they go
'the weirdest football podcast ever'...
through it as if it was their low. It's about that.
#BestManProject
DUKE
THE DUKE OF CAMBRIDGE I've got several friends who are really close, we have a good team mentality. And my would have been because of the situations
FORMER FOOTBALLER AND PUNDIT
we've been through. Losing our mother
Football is renowned for being very
at a young age has meant we've travelled
macho. Everyone's proud, we don't want
through that difficult patch together and
to speak about emotions. When I was at
come out the other side better for it.
my lowest in football, with a lot of injuries,
It's a bond. I didn't want to be a burden on
the media were saying my time’s up. I was
others so I knew I had to talk. I knew if I
really down, thinking, "is it time to leave
trapped it inside it would get worse. I didn't
the club?" But Jamie, my best mate and
want the traumatic moment to affect me for
manager, pushed it back into my head:
the rest of my life. Guys do want to talk,
"this is your time, you can rebuild yourself."
it's just that someone has to be brave and
Jamie turned negative thoughts into
take the first step.
Photo by Paulie Deauville
brother and I's relationship is closer than it RIO FERDINAND,
positive. Next season, we won the league, I was in team of the year. No matter how big and strong you think you are, even if people think you're this all-powerful centre half, there's going to be vulnerable moments. Then it’s about that best friend.
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6 By One & A Half Studio
7 oneandahalfstudio.co.uk
AR SHO !
GRACIAS, SILVINA DE VITA! For five years, artist Silvina De Vita has
this zine and how stressed she was that the
been responsible for making CALMzine look
current designer was leaving. I told her that
fresh. As Chief Crayon Officer Sam takes
maybe I could help. I designed the first
the reigns for this issue and Silvina heads
CALMzine for free in December 2012.
to pastures new, we thought it a good time
to reflect on five colourful years of dealing
What has changed since?
with erratic editors and crazy deadlines.
I remember our first Christmas party in 2012. There were probably only six people there.
Tell us about your work as an artist
I remember being at another CALM Christmas
I’m a paper artist. I started as a painter,
party three years later with many more people
designer and illustrator, but since 2012 I’ve
and an announcement that Prince William
been working as a paper cutter. I love the
and Prince Harry were getting involved.
versatility that paper has. It can be a strong
It was just unbelievable!
material but also very fragile – like all of us!
How do you feel coming to the end of five
8
How did you get involved with CALM?
years working on CALMzine?
I’d met the previous editor Rachel Clare back in
A little bit sad to close a chapter but incredibly
2008 in my home city, Buenos Aires. When I
proud of what we have achieved in these last
moved to London four years later we met again
few years. Working for so many years with
for coffee. She told me about being editor of
brilliant contributors felt like a little family.
Art Show: Silvina De Vita
I’m so grateful to have worked with talented and
Any particular highlights or proudest
brilliant people like Rachel Clare, Jane Powell,
moments?
Jojo Furnival, Chris Sav, Chris Owen, Jonny
Winning Publication of the year at the Mind
Benjamin, and so many others.
Media Awards in 2016 was just unbelievable.
RT OW I remember standing there on stage thinking,
Have you learnt anything interesting?
“Oh my word, this is amazing!” At the same
Oh yes I’ve learnt a lot. I read every article of
ceremony I also had the pleasure of a lovely
every issue before doing the designs.
long chat with Grayson Perry, one of my
Every story, every interview, every personal
absolute idols. We talked about art and
piece resonated with me. I experienced
parenthood. I had made a papercut design
depression myself for the first time after the
of Professor Green for one of the CALMzine
birth of my second son in 2013. I learnt that
covers and he told me he loved it. That night
there are a lot of people suffering in silence,
was a blast!
and that there’s still a stigma about mental
health that we need to battle. I’m glad I get to
Being approached by UNESCO and working for
be part of that battle. It’s an illness and it must
them as a designer after they saw my work for
be understood as that. As a mother of three
CALMzine online, and then visiting the UNESCO
boys, I think working for CALM has been crucial
HQ in Paris, was also a highlight.
for me. The journey was very personal.
I had a lovely long chat with Grayson Perry, one of my absolute idols. We talked about art and parenthood. That night was a blast!
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Above all, having the backing of the Royal
of the stomach and leaving it on the canvas.
Family is a thing that we would have never
Paper cutting for me calms my anxiety and it’s
dreamed of when we started.
a kind of meditation. It helps put things in
AR SHO perspective and gives me time to slow down
How would you sum up your approach to
and think.
designing the mag?
I would read every article and try to
What inspires you at the minute?
communicate the feeling of each story. I think
Contemporary artists to watch: Katy Horan,
that was what made CALMzine so unique and
Abigail Goldman and her dark sense of humour,
diverse. There was no line or predominant
Gregory Euclide, Andrew MacIntosh (Mackie),
‘house’ style across the whole mag
Elsa Mora papercuts, Susanna Bauer and
(they would kick me out of the design circles
Myriam Dion’s fragile artworks.
for this, breaking editorial design rules!)
but it was this same thing that kept it young,
A couple of months ago, I saw an exhibition at
fresh and interesting.
MUDAM in Luxembourg of Tony Cragg and
another one of Mary Reid Kelly that blew my
What role do you think creativity plays in
mind. Check them out, they are extraordinary.
mental wellbeing?
And Marc Chagall, always.
It’s life-changing. Art saves, art communicates, art liberates – whether it’s writing, singing,
Any advice for aspiring artists?
dancing or painting. Expressing what you feel is
Keep going, always. Never give up. Ignore the
the best way of putting it out there, taking it out
negative thoughts; you never know where each
10
Art Show: Silvina De Vita
Paper cutting for me calms my anxiety and it’s a kind of meditation. It helps put things in perspective and gives me time to slow down and think.
RT OW path will lead you. As Oscar Wilde said,
What’s next for you?
“be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
I’m really into paper miniatures at the moment,
So your work will always be unique in a way.
don't ask me why. I’m giving workshops in
I have this phrase written near my bed:
London and East Sussex. I want to focus more
“Storms make trees take deeper roots.”
on creating artwork, the thrill of the creative
Never forget that.
process is adrenaline to my soul. I’m always on the search. Aren’t we all?
Everyone at CALM HQ
would like to thank Silvina for her creativity, patience and hard work in making CALMzine the award-
winning mag it is today.
silvinadevita.com
Twitter: @silvina_dv IG: @silvina_dv
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GREGOR c M L U A BY P So I’m standing there, hunched over a table with 12 other 19-year-old lads sucking on a watered down Sex on the Beach cocktail from a glass fish bowl. This was it! We’d spent 11 and a half months of the year waiting for this moment, a two-week holiday in Malia.
an immaculate hairstyle stops us to offer The Greatest Drink Deal On The Island (if not in the whole of Europe): four fish bowls, 125 shots and you can even pour your own drinks – all for just €5 each. We all steam through the door into an empty bar. The DJ looks like he’s ready to fall asleep.
Back then these two weeks of the year were what me and my mates were living for. We spent our time After spending a good 25 minutes dancing like idiots to needlessly ‘cruising’ (basically driving to Tesco, parking Pitbull on repeat, my night takes a turn for the worse. up and eating cookies), and spending two hours in Two months before this BANTER IS FLYING, WE’RE nightclubs most weekends moment my dad had killed SINGING EVERY FOOTY SONG WE because we’d show up himself. My dad went from CAN REMEMBER AND GETTING fashionably late after premy role model, a man who INCREASINGLY CONFIDENT AS drinking to save money. had ‘everything’, to breaking We’d constantly play headdown, crying for the first THE ALCOHOL KICKS IN to-head tournaments of time in front of me and, over FIFA, alongside the odd occasional house party round the next six months, falling into a deep depression my mate Dan’s while his parents were away. and taking his own life. That moment changed my life forever. I look back now and question how I even It’s the first night. We’re sporting our freshly-printed managed to go on holiday. I was depressed, anxious, Essex Boys t-shirts, styling them with baggy shorts filled with anger and questions. But I did all that I could and £9 white plimsolls from the local camping shop. to hide those emotions. Banter is flying, we’re singing every footy song we can remember and getting increasingly confident as the At my dad’s funeral we wanted to celebrate his life alcohol kicks in. Dom’s asking every passing group rather than mourn it. One of his funeral songs of girls, “where are you girls going then?” As we’re (as people walked out) was upbeat – a song called walking to the strip ready for a big night out, a rep with ‘Chelsea Dagger’ by the Fratellis. At that time, the song
12
I cried and had a panic attack... On the Malia strip
was everywhere, and often got played at nightclubs. Every time I heard one of my dad’s funeral songs I had to fight really hard to hold back this strange feeling called sadness, and everywhere I went his funeral songs seemed to follow me: when I turned on the radio, when I walked into a bar or the supermarket.
I stand up, we have a manly huddle and head back to the bar. The night goes on, I drink more and act as if nothing happened.
The next day I wake with a hangover in the early afternoon and feel uneasy. What will my mates think about my panic attack? It The DJ in the Malia Bar had never happened to I SHOOT COMMENTS decides that it’s time to me and I’m scared it could TOWARDS MY MATES ABOUT switch things up from Pitbull. happen again. We head LAST NIGHT, MAKING A JOKE The five of us are dancing but down to the pool and I do OF THEM BEFORE THEY BRING all I can to deflect having a looking bored. His choice? ‘Chelsea Dagger’ of course. conversation about it. UP THE PANIC ATTACK Out comes the banter gun, Oh shit. Suddenly I have a sick feeling in my stomach. I shoot comments towards my mates about last night, It wasn't the alcohol. A lot of my friends are oblivious, making a joke of them before they bring up the panic dancing and singing the words to the song. But a few attack. Within a few hours the drinking games start of them glance over to me. One of them makes eye again, the baggy shorts are out and Dom is asking, contact and raises his eyebrows almost to remind “where are you girls going then?” me. 30 seconds in to the song I walk out as quickly as I can, my eyes welling up. As I hit the fresh air it all Nine years on from that day, it still baffles me why I comes crushing down. Tears pour from my eyes. I bolt thought showing emotion was weakness. Why didn't away from the bar and away from people. I sit down at I just tell them I was having a hard time? Why did I a curb fighting for breath. have to hold it all in for so long, causing a deep state of depression and anxiety? Why did I need alcohol to I'm trying to hide my emotions but I can't help it, I can't finally open up and express how I felt? slow my breathing. I panic about people seeing me and it only makes it worse. Three of my friends follow I buried my dad’s suicide for so long, putting on a me out. They look shocked but know exactly what I’m brave face. I chased short-term pleasure in the form upset about. "You're having a panic attack", says Josh. of alcohol, a new Ford Focus with tinted windows, "Focus on slowing down your breathing, I've had them working every hour possible on my business and being before". They all help me calm down, telling me it’s the joker to mask the pain. Short-term pleasure fed my expected that I'd be upset. They suggest going back to ego and closed off my emotions, but it didn't help for the room with me if I don’t feel like staying out. long. Depression, anxiety, and even thoughts of suicide took over. I manage to slow down my breathing and control my emotions. I look around to see people walking past. Eventually I did seek help, I talked. I started a journey I have no idea who saw it or how long it happened for. to answer the questions I had around my dad’s death. It's like I was in a daze I'll never be able to describe. Talking about how I felt, dealing with it, helped me forgive my dad. It helped me understand why he did what he did. I started to feel better. As I write this I’m grateful for my friends who never judged me. I now know they always would’ve supported me, just as I always would’ve supported them. If I could speak to my 19-year-old self, I’d tell him: “talking about how you feel doesn’t make you weak or less of a lad.” But, as men, talking about how we feel always seems harder than it actually is. Paul runs his own men’s fashion magazine. Check it out: mensfashionmagazine.com
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RUSSELL BRAND ASKS: ARE YOU FUCKED?
A sex and drug addict wants to give you some life advice. After two Booky Wooks detailing his sordid Hollywood lifestyle, a very wealthy man has written a third, preaching the perils of consumerism. A jester who’s spent the last decade wreaking havoc across radio, reality TV and rom-coms is asking you to be wary of media distraction. Should you listen to Russell Brand? I think, probably, yes.
On the inside cover of his new book 'Recovery: Freedom From Our Addictions', Brand tells us: "my qualification for writing this book is not that I’m better than you; it’s that I’m worse. I am an addict – addicted to drugs, sex, money, love and fame." One of his most endearing qualities is his emotional honesty – his openness about his flaws and ignorance, and his confidence despite them. His comfort and even delight in ambiguity and
WORDS BY PAUL SHIELS ILLUSTRATIONS BY JAMIE EKE cargocollective.com/jamieeke
14
wonder – in not-knowing – is rare in men of his power and profile. And it’s what makes him so thrilling to listen to.
Russell Brand asks: are you fucked?
He’s prone to verbose broadcast, but he’s best
So do addicts have to believe in a Christian God
in rambling, playful conversation, bouncing off
to recover? Not necessarily, says Brand: "If you
someone else – charming and challenging the
secularise ideas of [religious] epiphany it’s just a
vulnerability from others. His guest appearances
revelation of truth, a revealing of what’s there and
have made for some of the most compelling TV
an understanding of what has been concealed."
in recent years, whether laughing in Paxman’s patronizing face or embarrassing GQ at their own
Brand’s sermon style aligns more closely with
award ceremony – he has a knack for disrupting
Buddhist thinking than Christian, so it makes
the cool mundanity of media with impish glee.
sense that his update to the 12 steps would appeal to a public that’s increasingly receptive
Maybe because of fatherhood, or maybe because
to Eastern philosophy and ideas around
2014’s failed revolution got a bit too much,
mindfulness, yoga and the rest.
recently he’s taken a more considered approach – with an excellent podcast series 'Under The
"Spiritual connection and community - you can’t
Skin', and his Radio X show, where he recently
prescribe that, can you? But people want to
chatted with CALM’s CEO Simon Gunning about male suicide. So when he invited CALM to come talk about 'Recovery', it felt odd to be on
rationalise and
I SOMETIMES DON’T LIKE THE TONE OF SELF-HELP OR NEW AGE. SO THIS IS A BOOK BY SOMEONE WHO IS FUCKED FOR PEOPLE THAT ARE ACTUALLY FUCKED.
the other side of the
medicalise everything. If I had any reservations about the mindfulness movement it’s that people are like ‘meditation can help you, it has a positive
table asking questions. Thankfully, despite his
affect on mind and body, we can show it with
reputation as a provocateur, he’s good at making
scans.’ And I’m like ‘who else been saying this?
people feel at ease.
For millennia? Did they have scans? Might they have said some other good stuff that
'Recovery' re-Brands a famous addiction recovery
we should listen to? Something like ‘we are all
program called the 12 steps. The original steps
one, all connected?"
were laid out back in 1935 by the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Dr Bob Smith and
Elements of Buddhist teachings are shot through
‘Bill W’, a man Brand describes as a drunk,
a lot of his writing, and as he pauses for thought
a madman and a prophet. The steps are a set
to respond to a question, he closes his eyes and
of guiding principles for addicts, outlining a
seems to slip into micro-meditation,
course of action that moves through admission
before saying:
of a problem, acceptance of help, reflection, commitment to change, apology, continual
"Consumerism and materialism are subtle cultural
analysis, and then helping others.
forms of addiction whereby your identity and wellbeing is attached to external phenomena.
That’s stripping out all the God stuff (of which
The book is about how the 12 steps can be used
there’s plenty). The spiritual element, the belief
as a template to move you away from forms of
in a higher power, was a fundamental part of
attachment as subtle and simple as how you form
the recovery process for the Christian founders.
romantic relationships to how you work."
Smith and Bill W were influenced by Carl Jung – the pioneer of analytical psychology – who
In the book’s introduction Brand outlines this
believed that an addict could fully recover with
macro-level addiction further: "addictive thinking
some form of spiritual revelation and the support
is the mode of our culture. The very idea that you
of a community.
can somehow make your life alright by attaining
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15
material goals — getting the ideal relationship,
of its conception, i.e. Christianity, patriarchy," he
the ideal job, a beautiful Berber rug, or forty
says. "A lot of people don’t like God, or how God
quid’s worth of smack — the underlying idea,
is presented in that type of language, so I had
‘If I could just get X,Y, Z, I would be okay’, is
to make it humorous, accessible, colourful and
consistent and it is quite wrong." This inevitably
funny. Sometimes I find great gurus dauntingly
leads us to the question, am I fucked? Am I an
perfect, like Tony Robbins (Superman Jesus)
addict? Maybe not to heroin like Russell, but
and Eckhart Tolle – with him it’s like talking to
what about more socially acceptable stuff like my
someone who’s literally transcended. And I
phone? Work? Attention? Alcohol? Possibly.
sometimes don’t like the tone of self-help or New Age. So this is a book by someone who is fucked
"We all have bio-chemistry – drives, desire, fears – and we all live in a capitalist society that stimulates this desire and fear. We’re all on a scale of addiction. Most of us are able to find ways of operating in this culture successfully. Addicts are merely outliers who feel more quickly the tremors of attachment but can’t regulate it. They masturbate or
COMMUNICATION IS ABOUT BEING UNDERSTOOD AND CONNECTING, AND POWER DENIES YOU THE RIGHT TO REACH OUT AND CONNECT IN SOME WAYS
for people that are actually fucked. It’s a miracle I’m not on heroin. It’s only because of this." The chapters are named accordingly: 1. Are you fucked?, 2. Could you not be fucked? 3. Are you, on your own, going to ‘unfuck’ yourself? etc. From CALM’s point of view, we know that for men, step 3 can
eat or take drugs excessively and they make the
be a tough one: asking for help. Brand is a man
phenomena visible, like canaries in the cage."
who doesn’t strike me as having any issues with self-expression, so I wonder if he has any advice
When he says “feel the tremors more quickly” and
for men who might find this step
“make the phenomena visible”, Brand seems to
particularly difficult.
be honoring the addict with a certain sensitivity, painting addicts as messengers – alerting the
"I agree with your analysis
rest of us to unconscious dependencies. He goes
of me being atypical.
further in the book, saying he believes addiction
In my own adolescence,
to be "a calling and a blessing."
a lot of the bullying and abuse I dealt with was
So if we’re getting a signal from addicts, what’s
about being unusual.
the message? What gap are we trying to fill?
It was centred around homophobic language.
"The problem is always a lack of connection.
Homophobic abuse
With my history of addiction, [these things] were
affects heterosexual men.
always ways of dealing with the fact I couldn’t
Because of the bombast
connect, find union. Lonely? Have sex! Sad?
and ideas around masculinity, and because of
Have a drink! Bored? Take drugs!"
the ways we’ve had manhood marketed to and sold back to us, we aren’t able to communicate
Reframing addiction in this way makes it less
on that level. Communication is about being
about sick people and more about a sick
understood and connecting, and power denies
society. But getting people who don’t consider
you the right to reach out and connect in some
themselves addicts to buy into this idea still feels
ways. But the answer is love and openness, and
like a hard sell, nevermind the spiritual elements.
we can set a template by just talking.” And he
"With the 12 steps programme, a lot of people
has plenty of examples of finding that love and
are put off by the cultural inflections of the time
openness with others.
16
Russell Brand asks: are you fucked?
“When I’ve been in all male support groups,
an interesting performance. Men seem to get
you go in thinking everyone’s going to talk about
a lot of self-esteem from doing stuff, so maybe
violence but it quickly
we should help create
becomes about emotions – about men crying. I’ve seen men be very open and it’s moving, telling each other that they love each other and need
IF YOU GO TO CONVENTIONAL MALE ENVIRONMENTS SUCH AS FOOTBALL MATCHES, SOME OF THESE MEN ARE PRETTY KEEN TO GIVE YOU A CUDDLE
each other. It’s amazing!
environments where the doing happens alongside the talking. I tell Brand about some of the groups we’re setting up at CALM – collectives centred
A very important part of my recovery was
around shared passions, where people can get
company with other men. For me it really helps
active together, shoulder-to-shoulder, in a space
me to be exclusively around men when talking
where it’s always clear that talking about the
about my own mental health. And I notice in
serious stuff is as welcome as football chat.
the support groups I go to that men behave differently when there aren’t women there.
"I like this idea a lot – therapeutic communities. Doing something functional to build self-esteem.
"And fucking hell, if you go to conventional male
I’d like to be involved. It makes me think of the
environments such as football matches and see
Marxist idea of alienation." He lifts a tea spoon
the places where men are allowed to express
from his coffee cup. "If your role is just to put that
emotion – whether its anger or whatever - some
spoon on that saucer, and you don’t get to do the
of these men are pretty keen to give you a
pottery or the iron work, it’s like your ineptitude
cuddle. I like to think that our vulnerability can be
and disposability is being built into your identity.
cajoled out of us.
These things people long for – utility, meaning, purpose – these are spiritual ideas. "When I’m around men that are traditionally seen as
"You’re not supposed to be unhappy. If you’re
really intimidating and
unhappy that’s a signal. If addiction at its heart
threatening, I really try
is about connection, the question is: how can
my best to see them, who
we help people find more healthy routes toward
they are, the layers. And
connection? It’s about organizing communities,
because I’ve spent a lot
facilitating conversation and communication.
of time in prisons and
Then putting the power as close as possible to
with a lot of men who’ve
people – communities where problems are openly
had issues with violence,
discussed and solutions shared."
I talk all the time about fear, vulnerability. I tell
Brand's book, 'Recovery: Freedom From Our
them ‘I’m afraid of this,
Addictions' is out now.
I don’t think I’m good enough, I’m not a proper enough man, this thing happened with my step dad.' Oddly, I’m very loving to them and it’s really effective. It makes them giggle!" We discuss how men can have trouble with expressing vulnerability until we bring in talent, like writing ability or musicianship. Then it's almost as if the vulnerability is acceptable, even beautiful, because it’s presented as art, or in thecalmzone.net - CALM Helpline
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ADVERTORIAL
Being A Top Man In 2018 We’ve all been there. It’s 12:01am, January 1st, a mumbled, car-crash version of Auld Lang Syne has come to an end and New Year’s promises begin to tumble from your wine (most likely Buckfast, at best Blossom Hill) stained lips. ‘I’m going to write a book! I’m going to start a brand! I’m going to live forever!’ But by the end of the month we've slowly come to the realisation that it's all really, really hard. So now February has rolled around and our resolutions are distant memories, we’re looking at how to make a general effort to have a positive impact on ourselves and those around us. Here are some of TOPMAN’s thoughts on how to be a top man in 2018...
Image Credit: REX/SHUTTERSTOCK
Empathy & Consent 2017 was an absolute shit show, with the curtain finally being pulled on the vile behaviour of certain men in power inHollywood. But the stories didn’t stop there, and it didn’t just include wealthy film industry tycoons and actors. Across social media the #MeToo campaign started, where women all over the world told of the sexual harassment they
had experienced at work, on nights out, on the street and more. This reminds us consent is always needed - whether for a drink, a kiss or sex. It’s clear that there’s space for us all to improve our understanding of empathy and take an interest in social situations, whether or not they affect us directly, because they are having a huge effect on those around us.
Evolving Style Traditional masculinity is well and truly on its way out. And just like men starting to discuss their mental health problems rather than bottling it all up like their father, their father’s father, and every patriarchal figure before that, style is changing for the better too. Harry Styles, Tyler the Creator, Young Thug, Jeff Goldblum – guys everywhere across all ages, races and nationalities are experimenting with their style, bringing in bold colours, flamboyant prints and avant-garde shapes rather than sticking to the archetypal blue jeans and t-shirt.
This doesn’t mean we have to burn our classic threads though, the whole point of this change is that we can dress any way we want, whether that’s totally off the wall or just like our dad. Is it because gender lines are blurring and women’s designs are being dripped into men’s fashion? Is it because designers are bored of flogging the same old styles and are starting a menswear revolution? Or is it because women’s brands are just using old fabric to produce garms for men as a way to save a bit of money? Whichever it is, we’re welcoming it.
Social Media Awareness 2017 was full of careers tarnished by social media outbursts that the perpetrators can’t even really remember. From Stormzy’s homophobic slurs on Twitter a few years back, to Jack Maynard’s racist language forcing him to leave 'I’m A Celeb', and former Editor of Gay Times Josh Rivers sackable anti-Semitic comments, many had to apologise for offensive language.
Honourably, instead of trying to make a U-turn and defend himself, Stormzy said: “my younger self doesn’t reflect who I am today”. We can sometimes think that we’re invincible online, saying things that we wouldn’t say to strangers on the street. But our comments can be seen by and shared to thousands within minutes. Here’s to choosing our words wisely.
When his employer refused to believe he was depressed, Rory Girvan was sacked. Far from holding him back, this crisis moment catalysed a journey to becoming a powerlifting champion, an award-winning business owner and a mental health ambassador‌
20
Ror y Gir van: Getting It Off His Chest
conorclinch.com
Photography by Conor Clinch
GETTING IT OFF HIS CHEST
What motivated you to set up a gym?
overall physical and mental wellbeing. It’s an
I’d just been fired from my first graduate job after
honest attempt at solving the fitness problem.
uni. I’d come back from a leave of absence due to a pretty rough bout of depression that had
Tell us a bit about your philosophy on
left me bed-ridden. I was ambushed by my then
strength...
line manager and handed my marching orders in
Even during a brief stint at bodybuilding in my
FOR A MOMENT I FELT LIKE A FAILURE, THAT I’D HIT ROCK BOTTOM, BUT IT ENDED UP BEING THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO ME.
front a few dozen
late teens, I found it hard to relate to the idea of
of my former
training to look stronger than you actually are.
colleagues.
I started powerlifting at age 23 and within a few
I’d had my
years had won silver at the World Powerlifting
credibility
Championships and become the only person in
and integrity
history to win overall best lifter trophies at the
questioned.
All-Ireland, Northern Ireland and Irish Powerlifting
I decided that I’d
Championships. I also competed in Weightlifting
made too many
and won a minor national title. At this stage, if
compromises with my dreams in recent years and
you’d asked me this, I would have told you that
thought fuck it. Within a week I enrolled in the
the strongest person was the one with the most
Steps to Work Programme, and five months later
weight on the bar.
I opened my first rather humble studio down a dodgy backstreet in Belfast on the top floor of a
Nowadays, my philosophy on strength is more
former paper-mill. HENCH was born.
to do with physical and mental resilience. The stronger you are, the better your ability to stand
How is HENCH different to a typical gym?
up to the challenges – physical or otherwise –
I began using gyms at 16 and was fairly unfamiliar
that the real world throws at you.
with commercial gyms and the fitness industry. At university in Edinburgh I’d always trained in
You've mentioned the virtues of vulnerability,
strength and conditioning facilities designed for
can you elaborate?
athletes, so it was only during the one-off visits to
Vulnerability and strength go hand in hand.
commercial gyms when home in Belfast that I got
The strongest people are comfortable with being
a sense of what the fitness industry as a whole
vulnerable. Easier said than done at times, but
was like. I felt like Louis Theroux most of the time,
it’s in these moments that we truly grow stronger.
but came away with a strong sense of what I’d
A few years ago I was asked to share the story of
change if I ever had the opportunity.
my own struggles with mental health by a charity called Inspire. At the time, only my girlfriend,
The traditional gym model was dreamt up by
family and a few close mates knew about it.
accountants, staring at spreadsheets, trying to
It didn’t feel like there was a decision to be made,
solve a business problem rather than a fitness
so I shared some of my past struggles with
problem. The model is based around you paying your money but hopefully not turning up too often. At HENCH, we deliver
depression and anxiety
NOWADAYS, MY PHILOSOPHY ON STRENGTH IS MORE TO DO WITH PHYSICAL AND MENTAL RESILIENCE
very publically. Sharing my story was a life-affirming experience. So many people in turn
cohesive, sustainable programmes encompassing
shared their own struggles with me.
training, nutrition and recovery methods, aimed
I wish everyone who experiences the self-
at increasing performance as well as improving
sabotage, isolation and loneliness that goes
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hand-in-hand with mental illness had a chance to
To generalise, do you think men and women
experience that.
have different attitudes on entering a gym or starting training?
To this day I still experience severe struggles with
Initially, yes. In general, guys can be quite cavalier
depression and, to a much lesser extent than
and want to climb before they can crawl. Women
before, anxiety. But I’ve learned to accept this
tend to be more coachable, but more conservative
now as part of who I am.
too when it comes to rate of progression. However, when it boils down to it during a testing
What makes you proudest as a coach?
session, the differences are less apparent.
Seeing people setting the excuses aside,
Deep down, most people love to work hard.
embrace their own personal challenges with achieving their fitness or sporting goals head on.
Growing up on the mean streets of Belfast do you think there was pressure to be 'hard'? Has that changed for you as you've grown up? I’m from North Belfast, and kicked about in some fairly rough areas growing up. Fighting and acting tough was part of life and made more sense at the time. My perspective changed after working as a bouncer for a few years when putting myself though uni, and again after becoming a martial artist. The hardest people I’ve met are actually quite friendly, self-deprecating and down-to-earth. What life lessons have you learnt from running a business? If you want to be successful, you need to have thick skin and optimism levels that border on naive. Try to enjoy the ride without becoming too cynical. I’ve built up a good team over the years – the journey is more enjoyable when sharing it with people you like and trust.
SHARING MY STORY WAS A LIFE-AFFIRMING EXPERIENCE, SO MANY PEOPLE IN TURN SHARED THEIR OWN STRUGGLES WITH ME. I WISH EVERYONE WHO EXPERIENCES THE SELF-SABOTAGE, ISOLATION AND LONELINESS THAT GOES HAND-IN-HAND WITH MENTAL ILLNESS HAD A CHANCE TO EXPERIENCE IT 22
Ror y Gir van: Getting It Off His Chest
THE TRADITIONAL GYM MODEL WAS DREAMT UP BY ACCOUNTANTS, STARING AT SPREADSHEETS, TRYING TO SOLVE A BUSINESS PROBLEM RATHER THAN A FITNESS PROBLEM. THE MODEL IS BASED AROUND YOU PAYING YOUR MONEY BUT HOPEFULLY NOT TURNING UP TOO OFTEN.
Who inspires you?
The weight will follow. Short cut all this by finding
Elon Musk, Arnold Schwarzenegger,
a good strength coach, with a solid track history
Jordan Peterson, Bruce Lee, George St.
of helping people like you. Good luck, get stuck
Pierre, my coach Damien and of course my
in and enjoy yourself!Â
parents Thomas and Rosemary. What are your go-to tunes or genres for What's your advice to someone starting
training?
out in strength training?
DMX, Tupac, Freddie Gibbs, Kanye, Kaytranada,
Respect strength as a skill. Treat learning it
Bicep, Moderat and George Fitzgerald.
as you would a martial art or dance routine.
Usually hip-hop if training strength, electronic
Master the basics such as breathing and
if conditioning. If DMX or Pac is on, get out of
bracing correctly. Focus on squats, deadlifts,
the way!
presses, pull-ups and loaded carries. Be a stickler for perfect form, all the time.
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HEARD AT BEING A MAN FESTIVAL Being A Man Festival returned to London’s Southbank Centre
ROBE ON B
in November 2017, celebrating boys and men and exploring the nature of modern masculinity. From making music to bringing up babies, from sexuality to porn, terrorism and Trump, this year’s BAM was jampacked with fascinating talks and debates. CALM went along to listen and learn. Here are
matthewtshaw.com
Illustration by Matthew T. Shaw
some highlights...
24
Robert Webb On Boyhood
ERT WEBB BOYHOOD Robert Webb has just asked himself the big
you’re too closed-in to make yourself vulnerable
one: “What are we saying to a boy when we
enough to experience the complicated glory of it.
say man up?” And here we are at Being a Man
If you’re an average seven-year-old in the late
Festival 2017, watching with baited breath as
1970s – or if you’re Donald Trump – then you
the Peep Show actor, writer of a brilliant new
get over your insecurities by showing maximum
book 'How Not To Be A Boy', and all-round
contempt to the out-group. The out-group in this
good human tries to answer it…
case is girls, and with Donald it’s anyone who’s not Donald. And I think sometimes when someone
‘Man up’ can have a perfectly benign meaning
asks a man “what’s the matter?” we experience
like “do the thing that needs doing even though
that as a challenge to our pride.
you don’t feel like doing it!” Like, “man up, do your homework!” Bit aggressive, but you know…
There’s something to be said for stoicism and
Sometimes it has a more sinister or harmful
grace under pressure, and hiding your feelings
meaning: “That negative feeling you are feeling?
occasionally – when you’re doing it for other
Stop expressing it.” And the more you hear that,
people. If you go to the pub and your best friend
the more it starts to sound uncannily like: “That
tells you he’s got a very serious illness, you’re not
feeling you’re feeling? Stop feeling it.” Quite often
allowed to cry on him, he’s allowed to cry on you.
it comes out as anger, and people get angry when they’re embarrassed, or angry when they’re afraid, or scared, or in grief.
I THINK SOMETIMES WHEN SOMEONE ASKS A MAN ‘WHAT’S THE MATTER?’ WE EXPERIENCE THAT AS A CHALLENGE TO OUR PRIDE.
You don’t go “OH GOD GARY WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN YOU MIGHT DIE!” At that point, you are the wall the wave breaks on. I don’t have
When my mother died when I was 17 I found that
a whole blanket rule that men must never hide
all that stuff about not showing emotions had
their feelings. Of course there are times when
hobbled me, in terms of leaving me unprepared
you’ve got to keep it together. And women too, of
for bad times.
course. But I’m just saying that it shouldn’t be the default. The default should be that we can talk to
If you have negative feelings of grief – or fear,
each other about what’s bothering us as well as
anxiety, uncertainty, shame or embarrassment
talking to each other about what’s brilliant.
– the whole point of being a man is that you hide it and you keep it to yourself. You ignore it
So that’s that particular Webb untangled then.
and you probably shut off and pretend it’s not happening. It’s incredibly harmful and leaves you
Robert Webb takes a candid and comic
less capable of dealing with adversity in the first
look at modern masculinity in his book
place. It leaves you less capable of love because
'How Not To Be A Boy', out now.
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25
SIMON AMSTELL ON
AYAHUASCA
matthewtshaw.com
D R
B EI N G A M AT A
N
VAL 2017 STI FE
HE A
Illustration by Matthew T. Shaw
th e at have y s e lf in in g s th I saw m le g a l. t th e th ) il u it n n o e e t, b p e a rs p b fi in g h a I th in k mb at e o ft e n When s o m e th s a wo , th e y 'v a s e re k fe w le tu a li c c it m n ta in e u n to me re a li s d acup s a w te h e a le d I d id n ’t en I la c e . I a th y a n s a fe p womb. , a n d th o s te o p . I had e d ry d e e m a v h lp g e a it e in h t e k n I' v u e k a b s li m , o lt e g th s re f y lf o z in ju s t fe ey we it h e r o re o f m as ama but ne e li k e th m awa uasca h ic h w a m I’ h w . a d m , y y n I’ y b a u p a n g io a ro th e ra as a b d ri n k in th e v is psycho th e r m y s e lf ru a n d b u t in io n . my mo sensed g to P e e re a li ty, e p re s s s in d n in o e y g ir s m a s I h . of c wa m t g o ra in p ro a ro c k e d in a t to th e g push o n te n t. th a t g o ome r w it h s b y b e in l v e ry c e a n b in d d I fe e is n th t a s d e ju a h m d g ha hen I t day) p u s h in fr ie n d s d o ff w o p re s e n e of my It s ta rt e s jo y fu l, s o m (i n ds. On o ro n s l ie y s ta rt a d fr n e l tu k o o oo th e a c c e re m d h e lo o u g h t, e in n o ld s c h th a d by th n I e e . ru s in e th a ld P o h le And k fr o m e in g c r peop t b h t y e a rs e a ig ’s th th e e o t t h a got bac u in g it th e if s s abo h e r c ry needed one of in g a s e he wa I hear lt li k e I n d c ry was s a I fe a I d fr e e , li k g d n !” n in a e my ,a a t is s c re a m o y e a rs nd I se emons w h a t th ry in g a re . own d p y fo r tw c o r “I w a n t ra r m e e e y h n th th f a o in nt my el one o f my m d been mome le to fe nd is io n o s unab . p o in t, I' In th a t v a ff o w r. a t I e e u th v h re n d .. . a o I ha ce whe to ta ll y s e rs ro u g my m s ld a in u w p o I p in a p la h , y s la ys nd sad s to p m fa th e r ses, m e beyo in g to c h te n I' d g o n s o m e th e ru w it h s to m a P o y d b in a y to b n ra te ly e re m o v a ri o u s despe uasca c e re fo r I want an ayah o rl d , th w h e it I w e n t to th w over m a in ly fr o m a ll s s io n .. . p e o p le h d e p re n k th is it w ra d e d m n a s, so a c ir c le of re a s o n sands e s a t in fo r th o u s io n . W s k n re p ru e , to d d n re e e e th b e s li v h ic h h a a c tu a ll y o h b re w w w h in w it e e o p le s w e re y th e p lt !" haman s y e a rs b e h T ed a cu s. I’ v e jo in m s e lv e , e d o th l G a h h w it e . he u g h t "o s s e d in n d I th o ju s t d re re e w ro b e s a th e y a s o k a y, B u t it w d a s a – it a c te e d ic in e m g in a c u rs ti o n io n -i n d c conve e. It 's a v is ra p e u ti e u n iv e rs th a n d th e th e ra p y, a tu re a N ’s r re e u s o rt o f lt th u lf , M o f th is c n myse te rm s o ny b e tw e e c e re m o s e n s e in d e n k a o c m e s ’t n e s th e o in t It d h a rd re a l b u in g to o w h a t’ s w a s tr y id e a o f t one I rs fi e s e in th (b e c a u
26
Simon Amstell On Ayahuasca
and I said , “I thin k I nee fa th e r fr d to do a poo ” and the o m h u rt in g m y rain fore st said “yo u don th a t is m o ’t do the poo , the mo st th e r. I d a c tu a ll y o n ’t k n tr u e b u you do is allo w the poo o w if a n of som t th e b a ”... and I tho ugh t “tha t’s y of e th in g by had bad ha a p e rc e suc h a gre at less on I can p p e n in p ti o n t wai t to tell peo ple. ” g. So the n I was in the flow I h e a rd of 'allo w', I wen t and a v o ic e s a y : “y dan ced in the rain , I bec ju s t a b o u w e re ame Mic hae l Jac kso n a b y, y o u c o u ld e v e n c ra n ’t for may be half an hou w l” a n d r. th e n I re a li s e d TOWARDS THE END OF THE I’ v e b e e n b la m in m y s e lf LAST CEREMONY, THE MEDICINE g The n som eth ing said "we fo r n o t nee d s to p p in my mo g SAID "YOU NEED TO GO AND you to be nak ed. " I too th e r fr o k my m b e in g h u rt . A n d th e DANCE IN THE RAIN." AND I top off and pull ed my re w a s trou sers th is a n th a t s ta x ie ty SAID, "I THINK I NEED TO DO A and pan ts dow n, I was rt e d , th nak ed e s e ro u n d e s h o u ld POO" AND THE RAINFOREST d in the rain and I look ed e rs , th is up to s h y n e th e fe e ss, SAID "YOU DON’T DO THE POO, this balc ony whe re peo li n g in ple wer e m y s to m e v e ry th a c h .. . THE MOST YOU DO IS ALLOW wat chin g, it was like a in g m a balc ony de sen connec s e , a ll th THE POO"... AND I THOUGHT of the god s, and the y ti o n s s ta ese wer e rt e d g e tt in g a n d th e che ckin g me out as if I m a d e "THAT’S SUCH A GREAT LESSON n I beg look ed a n to fo b a b y fo rg iv e th I CANT WAIT TO TELL PEOPLE." pre tty goo d. I felt com r ju s t b is fort e able in g a bab fr e e o f y. A n d what se with my bod y for the first th e n I w e time m e d to b e as o f th is in my life. I alw ays tho th e b e g d e p re s ugh t I was too skin ny, in n in g s io n . the n the re cam e a poi nt whe n it bec ame tren dy to be To w a rd skin ny, and the n a girl s th e e at a par ty said "you ’re n d o f th not s a id “y e skin la ny.” s t c e re And the n I was fat. ou nee m o n y, th d to g o e m e d ic and da in e n c e in th e ra in ” But in this mo men t I was like , wai t I’m oka y. I felt like it was my par ticu lar mo men t of hea ling . I felt like all the anx iety was silly. And the n the cult ure tha t you ’re in kind of see ps in and I felt I nee ded to star t a pra ctic e for reta inin g this feel ing of just bein g in the wor ld with out a load of non sen se. Tha t pra ctic e bec ame a load of dan cing abo ut to mus ic eve ry mo rnin g. I also had a visi on of a gor rilla an d ask ed “wh at is this life? Wh at is it abo ut? Is it just joy? ” And the gor rilla look ed at me kind of sad and said , “ye s it’s just joy. ” So I wro te dow n in my not epa d: "Joy con firm ed! " Now I try to stay con nec ted to joy and rem emb er I’m an anim al, and anim als nee d to mo ve, so I mo ve as muc h as pos sibl e. Sim on Am ste ll’s boo k 'He lp' is out now.
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28
We Need To Talk About Weinstein
matthewtshaw.com
Illustration by Matthew T. Shaw
B EI N G A M AT A
N
D R
campaign has shown
a number of counts of sexual assault.
just how rife sexual
What followed defied all previous scandals:
harassment is. It has put
the worlds of entertainment, media and
men in a very defensive
politics erupted. More claims surfaced
relationship with the
against more men. The voices of women
information, like “who are
sharing their own experiences through the
you accusing?” How can men feel like they have
#MeToo hashtag punched the volume up to a
the right to discuss this in a way which will help
roar. Sexual harassment and gender politics
change culture?
HE A
JUDE: The #MeToo
mogul Harvey Weinstein had been accused of
VAL 2017 STI FE
In October 2017, news broke that Hollywood
sat squarely atop the global agenda. NIHAL: I do a show on BBC Five Live, which has So, when the Southbank Centre’s Being a
a 71% male audience. From certain types of men
Man festival took place just one month later,
there is this push-back. Someone tweeted me an
Artistic Director Jude Kelly chaired a debate
interesting line: “if privilege is your normal, then
on the very subject, because...
equality feels like oppression.” So maybe these
...WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT WEINSTEIN.
men feel oppressed, because their privilege is being attacked. But a woman is not trying to take away your power, she’s just trying to say “don’t harass me” and “don’t oppress me.” As men we shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for all the sins of men. But when we see it, we should call it out. We’re all complicit in our silence, but we’re not all complicit just because we’re men.
Here are CALM’s picks from the discussion,
KEVIN: We are fighting as men to hold onto our
including Sophie Walker, Leader of
power and privilege. That’s why we’ve shifted that
the Women's Equality Party; Nihal
to women: “well, how are you dressing? why did
Arthanayake (aka DJ Nihal), a radio and
you go to that hotel that time?”
TV presenter; activist, writer and public speaker Kevin Powell; and journalist and
SOPHIE: It’s interesting that this came out of
broadcaster Chris Hemmings, author of
Harvey and Hollywood, but spread very quickly
‘Be a Man’.
to media and politics. Those are the three institutions that frame male power, tell stories
KEVIN: When the Weinstein situation happened, for whatever reason this led to something different than the Cosby situation. Because Hollywood and politics represent these two bastions of men, power and
about male power, and sustain
IF PRIVILEGE IS YOUR NORMAL, THEN EQUALITY FEELS LIKE OPPRESSION
privilege, this has shaken the
male power through legislative and other forms. The coverage by the media went very quickly to “how do we minimise this?” and “how do we make this look small?” Because media is largely still run by men. So
foundations of a lot of people. We’re seeing a lot
it’s easy to frame the woman who challenges a
of women speak in ways we’ve never seen before.
powerful, popular or just a very ordinary man as
The #MeToo campaign was actually created ten
hysterical or a liar, or as a snowflake. We don’t
years ago, but now it’s taken on a life of its own
know we’re doing it half the time.
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CHRIS: I hate the phrase “not all men”, and
have power that women do not. Some men say
it’s true that not all men are like Harvey
“I don’t know what I’m allowed to do anymore.”
Weinstein. But people like me are part of a
But you do, because you’re not doing it to people
culture that lets Harvey Weinstein happen. And
who could fire you.
it’s only by accepting that and referencing our own experiences that we can teach younger
CHRIS: If you want to cure a pandemic, of
generations where we’ve gone wrong. When I look
course you need to diagnose it, but then you also
at my behaviour before, it’s not about what I did
have to find a way to make everyone immune.
but what I didn’t do - the interventions I didn’t
You have to find herd immunity. The way we
make. We need people to turn the mirror back on
do that is to give kids injections, so they don’t
themselves and say “I’ve made mistakes."
get mumps or measles. So why aren’t we
I became a dickhead, but it’s only by realising
teaching children about real relationships? We
that that I can become an ally.
teach them the science; "here’s a penis and here’s a vulva, they go together and that’s how
SOPHIE: I understand that it’s a journey for everyone and I understand that it’s difficult for people to feel bad about themselves. I understand that as someone who feels like a bad feminist every day. I'm the leader of the Women's Equality
you make a baby.” But we
WHEN YOU’RE CONFRONTED WITH THAT MIRROR, IT’S DEEPLY UNCOMFORTABLE
Party and I’m aware all the
don’t teach children about respecting other humans, no matter who they are. SOPHIE: We have to take the focus away from the individual and focus on the structures. I have spent a lot of time
time of my failure to understand the intersecting
answering the question, “how do we end sexual
experiences of women. I started off by feeling
violence?” with the answer “childcare.” The way
very defensive, but what I’ve learnt is I have to be
we go about this is to invest in bringing down
comfortable with being uncomfortable.
the barriers to women’s equality and giving men options to live differently as well. It means
JUDE: Women are saying #MeToo not to have
investing in childcare and social infrastructure.
their trauma recognised person by person, but
Only then do you start taking down the structural
to show this is not a single experience. This is an
barriers that are keeping women in poverty and
epidemic. A pandemic. Surely the world should
allowing men to maintain that position of privilege
now say, “how do we solve this pandemic?”
without even being aware of it.
Not, “have you really got measles? How many spots do you have?”
KEVIN: We have to challenge ourselves as men to have empathy for women and girls.
SOPHIE: That’s because we’re trying to diagnose
I was challenged by my community.
it as being about sex, but it’s not. It’s about
When you’re confronted with that mirror,
power. What is fundamentally difficult for many
it’s deeply uncomfortable to look at. But you
men to accept is that you don’t harass anyone
cannot be afraid to challenge people.
who can fire you; you don’t harass anyone in
Are you for all humanity? Or about holding
positions of authority over you. And the reason
onto your power and your privilege?
that doesn’t happen is because women are not in
We can redefine manhood in a way that is
those positions. The reason you’re able to harass,
about peace, love, equality, and respecting
often without even realising it, is because you
women as our equals. That’s our choice.
30
We Need To Talk About Weinstein
CHRIS SAVter
ri is an artist, w maker. m ja al on and occasi itter: Tw on s Follow Chri man @disappoint
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Illustration by Ollie MacDonald Oulds
SMINO
Grant Brydon is the hip-hop editor of
In between your last two releases –
Clash Magazine, and has interviewed all
‘Blkjuptr’ and ‘Blkswn’ – you took out some
your favourite rappers from Gucci Mane
time to do some soul-searching and
and Nas, to Giggs and Kano. With the
reflecting. How important was it to do that?
Love Yourz series, Grant explores the
I was living in a studio for three years, at
impact that a career in hip-hop has on
Classick Studios in Chicago. There was literally
the health of artists.
this little production room where I had all of my clothes piled everywhere – a bunch of fresh shit
Smino is an independent rapper based in
and posters like it was my room or whatever.
Chicago who runs his own label and creative
But I never spent any time by myself. I’d wake
collective Zero Fatigue. This year saw the
up, go out and there’s people. I go to the
26-year-old release his acclaimed debut album
bathroom and there’s a community of people.
‘Blkswn’, touring the US and Europe with SZA
I’m always around people. It wasn’t a bad thing,
and T-Pain. We caught up with him to discuss
but I started to realise that.
the importance of self-reflection and unplugging at a very busy and exciting stage in his career.
32
I even said in one of my songs [‘Spitshine’] “I’m hardly ever alone/ More lonely than ever before.”
Love Yourz: Smino
I feel like everybody needs solitude to reflect, and I had a homie who was asking me, "Bro, do you ever sit and just take shit in? You’re doing a lot right now, do you ever take in everything that you’re doing?" And I was like "Shit no, I just keep pushing."
"I’m going to cool out, unplug myself from everybody emotionally, and I don’t care how anybody feels about this." I’ve got to do that because there’s about to be a lot of shit going on - I’ve got to go on tour, get ready for rehearsals, shoot this
I started to do little things on my own. I went
video, all that damn shit you’ve got to do as
back home to St. Louis a few times to chill with
an artist.
my family and get some time walking up the streets I used to walk up. It wasn’t really a thing
Unplugging is the move. Even if you’re in a
where there was anything necessarily wrong
relationship with a person, you can be so
with me, I was just trying to solidify the path
plugged into the way they feel and that can
that I’m on, reflect on where I was going so that
take a toll on you, and now you’re not
I could see how I can make it better.
energised for the shit that you need to do.
[I wanted to approach debut album ‘Blkswn’]
So I’ve learned to pick and choose when to
and be able to make it with a clear mind.
plug my energy into shit.
It was just a moment of me taking some silence and not trying to necessarily make music or
Do you think, as a musician and a
worry that "I’m not in the studio right now, I
businessman, that there’s a pressure to
need to get in the studio."
be plugged in at all times? Hell yeah, because as I’m growing I don’t
During that time did the pressure to be in
want people to think that I’m acting different.
the studio ever creep up on you?
People are so quick to tell you that, as soon
I remember Jay-Z said that you can’t wear
as you get success motherfuckers are like,
every hat at the same time. I’m a businessman.
“you’re Hollywood” or whatever. And then on
A lot of people that I met along my journey in
the business tip, I don’t want shit to go
the music industry have started to realise this
wrong. But I’ve got to trust my people that
about me: I’m on my business, heavy. I was
I’ve appointed to do certain things for Zero
trying to structure my business plan and move
Fatigue that they will carry out their duties
forward differently. That’s kind of why I was not
how they’re supposed to. That’s how I’m
too worried about being in the studio, because
safe to unplug, knowing shit will still be
I knew I was progressing somewhere else, in
going on. So yeah, there’s a little pressure,
another aspect. I’m always exactly where God
but what’s pressure though? I’m black and I
intended me to be. That’s how I look at
live in America. Pressure ain’t shit!
everything: I kind of roll with the wind. How would you describe your relationship with social media? When I dropped my album I took a social media break. I was just not on the Internet for a while. I took a mental break, I wan’t responsive too much. Every day someone is going to ask you for something, even if it’s the slightest thing
Check out what Smino and his crew are up to at zerofatigue.com Follow Grant Brydon @GrantBrydon
like, "can you send this email?" I was at the point where I was just like,
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DEAR JOSH
y uncle ident agon fe hassles s e r ’s M L CA e on your li offers advic
What's the CALMzine take on Botox?
I'm really into this new girl. She's funny,
My forehead wrinkles are looking like a
smart and loves a lot of the same music
grill. Instead of washboard abs I have a
as me, but she's into horoscopes. Keeps
washboard forehead...
banging on about feeling volatile because
Saturn is in retrograde or whatever.
-Wrinkles in Wirral
With a PhD in physics, I'm not sure I can First things first: Not a gigeddy thing wrong with
stomach this in the long term. What's the
forehead wrinkles. Been flexing your brain, innit.
right thing to do here? Learn to accept
Can't hold back time so embrace the creases
her different world view or annihilate her
imo. Second thing: Ain't nothing wrong with
beliefs with hard science?
botox, either. If you see yourself in the mirror
-Aziz, 24, Northampton
and it bugs you that much, well goddamn, science has an answer. Go with Jesus, a clear
First things first: If this bugs you so much you
conscience, and a CALM blessing brah.
had to ask a stranger for advice she's not the one for you, brah. Second thing: She's not the one for you, brah. Third thing: She's literally
I've just about got through Dry January.
looking you in the face and saying "here's
I feel AMAZING. But one thing that bothers
something you don't believe in that's important
me is that my mates are all ARSEHOLES
to me" and you want to debate her?! Brah,
when drunk, I can barely stand being
leave the girl alone, she's not for you.
around them in clubs. So, get new mates or get back on it?
-Sober Bro, 22, Leeds
IS
First things first: Get new mates. Second thing:
SH
Get new mates. Third thing: Change your
JO
number after getting new mates. Fourth thing: Block all your former mates. It's 2018, leave the anvils in the past and sail, brethren.
GOT A QUESTION FOR JOSH? CONTACT: EDITOR@THECALMZONE.NET
34
Dear Josh
N
'T
H
AQ
S E'
JU
UA L I F I E D E X P E R T, A JOKER ST
Graham Coxon, Essy Syed and Parlophone
All of the artists and organisers at
records for being so generous with time,
The Official Top Ten Night.
talent, funds… and vegan snacks. M&C Saatchi for a hilarious and hedonistic Our #TeamCALM volunteer VIPs:
comedy night.
Alex, Dave, Hannah, Matt, Paulie and Phil. Doncaster Rovers for showing CALM love at their Boxing Day fixture.
Running ambassador Chevy Rough, for getting us out the door and onto the streets through winter.
The clever bunch at Adam & Eve DDB for their creativity on CALM’s ‘Notes’ campaign,
Sarah Millican and the whole crew at the
and continued support as we take on 2018.
Standard Issue podcast. The Moroccan Rollaz – Carlos, George, Topman, Chris Hughes, Rankin, BMB and
Jacob, Jorge, Mark and Nick.
W Communications for one of CALM’s loudest moments ever, #DontBottleItUp.
The best men of the Best Man Project: Carl, Charlie, Jamie, Kevin, Loyle,
The Calm Photography Movement and
Rio, Roman, Tommo, and The Duke Of
Lloyd’s of London, for a massive fundraiser.
Cambridge.
The team at 360i for helping us
The teams at The Drum, Do It Day and
#ChangeThePicture on International
BOLD content for their incredible ideas and
Men’s Day.
relentless hard work.
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