CALMzine - Being A Man Issue

CHARITY REG. NO. 1110621 & SCOT SC044347

SEASON’S GREETINGS CONTENTS Well, 2016 you’ve been a special year (not in the good way). What better way to send you off than with a very special issue of CALMzine?

Here’s a few things that make this one unique: It’s the Being A Man issue, made interactively with a LIVE audience at Being A Man Festival – a weekend of talks, workshops and performances exploring modern masculinity at Southbank. The team set up a CALMzone where people could chill, chat and most importantly co-create CALMzine. We also had our artists, writers and photographers out writing, drawing and snapping what they saw, learnt and felt. And it’s all inside.

The magazine you’re holding has one of four possible covers. The background was made solely in denim by Ian Berry. Everyone at Being A Man had the chance to become a CALMzine cover star by jumping in front of the larger-thanlife artwork for a quick photo. Check out some of the hopefuls to the left.

We’ve also had a designer baby! Silvina, our designer, just had a new arrival. The beautiful Felix Agnacio was born on Sunday 4 December.

Silvina was working her CALMzine magic right up until she went into labour, we’re not even joking!

Oh, and it now proudly wears the badge of Mind Media Award for Best Publication! *smug* Enjoy this issue, enjoy your Christmas break and see you in 2017! Take care.

4 - MANIFESTO 7 - THE FUTURE MAN 10 - MEN, HAIR AND SELF ESTEEM 12 - IN CONVERSATION: PROFESSOR GREEN 16 - DRESS FOR THE CHRISTMAS PARTY 18 - BOYS DO CRY 20 - TORCH SONGS 22 - THE MAN CASE 26 - CARDS AGAINTS LIVING MISERABLY 28 - INTRODUCING IAN BERRY 32 - LANGUAGE POLICE 34 - PRETTY HURTS

CREDITS EDITOR: Paul Shiels DESIGNERS: Silvina De Vita, Paige Shaw COVER ART: Ian Berry MENTOR: Rachel Stephenson LOGISTICAL LEGEND: Bríd McKeown AWARD ACCEPTOR: Jack Rooke Contributors: Chris Sav, Hannah Goodwin, Matt Kynaston, Rowland Bennett, Will de Groot, Edson Lovatto, Joe Goldman, LionHeart, Jack Rooke, Ivan Blackstock, Ben Hawley.

Special thanks to Topman and JC Decaux for your ongoing support.

Printed on paper from sustainably managed sources. by Symbian Print Intelligence, paper from Gould International UK.

Need Help? Call CALM. London: 0808 802 58 58 - Nationwide: 0800 58 58 58 Webchat: thecalmzone.net/get-help Open 7 days a week 5pm - midnight CALMzine is the first port of call for all your manspiration needs. We all have issues at the end of the day, so what do you want to talk about? Who do you want us to talk to? We want to hear from YOU. Tweet us your ideas and views @CALMzine #CALMzineIdea, or send us an email at editor@thecalmzone.net. Or write to us at PO Box 68766. If you want the hard stuff, go to the CALM website www.thecalmzone.net or follow us on Twitter @theCALMzone. thecalmzone.net - CALM Helpline London: 0808 8025858 Outside London: 0800 58 58 58

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Get it in the diary...

SAVE THE MALE A night of comedy, poetry and music

19 JANUARY 2017 Ace Hotel, London Doors 7.30pm

Featuring:

JACK ROOKE & CECILIA KNAPP

... and some of their (dead funny) mates

Words by Ben Hawley What is the future of man? What a question… And one that we, frankly couldn’t begin to answer alone.

What could the future man think, do, be? What would they be free from and what would they be free to do? A real thinker...

So we stuck a mannequin in the Royal Festival Hall and we asked the good folk who found their way to the CALMzone to pin some suggestions to his pecs, abs and back.

Many of the respondents gave considered, insightful responses. Others didn’t do a lot of thinking but made us chuckle instead. All were very much appreciated.

OUR FUTURE MANNEQUIN REVEALED THE FOLLOWING HIGHLY SCIENTIFIC INSIGHTS:

mean girl. No longer will men be free from suds duties, apparently. Although a lot of people would question whether they ever have been.

PROGRESSION IN SELF EXPRESSION

LITTLE SPOON? DONALD TRUMP!?

Some of the more titillating suggestions were submitted with tongue possibly somewhere closer to the cheek than usual, which we like.

The barometer for these suggestions will be when a man can proudly announce themselves as part robotic little spoon who twerks, yogas, moisturises and posts regularly on mumsnet.

Something for us all to aspire to, I think.

Two archetypal males were not part of the people’s future of man: Donald Trump and

Self expression was a beautifully broad and plentiful topic! With plenty of talk of a more open and vulnerable side emerging. So expressing yourself whatever your mood.

Sounds sensible.

NO MORE GENDER ROLES We’re seeing it in Sweden and in Mothercare and it seems the lovely people of BAM see it too. No longer will blue mean boy and pink

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Jeremy Clarkson. Donald’s post-it wasn’t furnished with greater explanation but according to one contributor we’ll all be able to admit Jeremy grates like cheddar cheese.

This minor and not-very-scientific experiment was eye opening. Not least because of what it lacked: no stiff upper lip, mentions of great strength or job security. Ultimately, the vast majority of the 81 suggestions we got all were about freedom to be whatever you want to be, no expectation, and that’s a future that can be a lot closer than we think... how long’s a presidential term and a few seasons of ‘The Grand Tour’?

WHATEVER THE FUTURE OF MAN, WE RECKON IT'S ALL ABOUT BEING WHO YOU WANT TO BE.

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Musings on men, hair and self esteem 10

Words and illustrations

by Chris Sav @Disappointman I took part in a panel discussion about men, hair and self esteem at Being a Man Festival this year.

Some of the subjects we touched upon included hair loss, how advertising affects men’s ideas

about their hair, beards as masks, and whether wigs have comedic value. The discussion wasn’t limited to the hair atop the head, but in fact spanned the whole body, even delving into the nether regions. It made me realize that I took the subject of hair for granted, and had never fully appreciated its implications on my overall mental

health - it didn’t even occur to me that I was stroking my beard during the discussion in an attempt to appear more intelligent.

Here’s my attempt at putting some of those beard-stroking thoughts into form…

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IN CONVERSATION WITH...

PROFESSOR green Words by: Rowland Bennett @rowlandbennett Photography by: Hannah Goodwin @InquisitiveEye

As someone who’s been bereaved by suicide, and worked within the music industry for many years, Rowland Bennett found a lot he could relate to when listening to CALM Patron, Professor Green. ”If you want to talk about suicide, you can clear the room”, started Professor Green, but of course, in this room, everyone remained glued to their seats.

The first thing that hit me sitting down and hearing the rapper known to his Nan as Stephen Manderson speak was what we had in common, and the reality of why I got involved with CALM. Like Stephen, I had somebody I loved for as long as I can remember take their own life, and the aftermath of that still lingers with me every day.

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Until very recently, suicide was considered a taboo word, but the message is starting to get through that it’s the biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK, and the discussion is starting to open up.

Stephen began to discuss the loss of his father to suicide publicly in 2011 through the song ‘Read all about it’, something that would be depicted, as did his father’s widow, as potentially “cashing in” on a personal tragedy. But listening to the open sensitivity coming through from the perceivably tough, tattoo-covered guy from Clapton, it’s clear that he’s genuine, passionate and wants to help change things.

His BBC documentary, ‘Suicide And Me’ focused on his own loss as well as the loss that thousands in the UK suffer every year. For Stephen, the positive reaction was phenomenal. Huge numbers of people came forward including many music 14

industry peers, opening up about their own battles with depression, loss and mental health. But this was bittersweet, as ultimately this all came about through his father’s death, and it was saddening to see so many others had experienced that same grief. How did Stephen feel, opening up?

I WAS SHITTING MYSELF, I WAS PETRIFIED. I DIDN’T WANT PEOPLE TO SEE ME CRY. I STILL CAN’T WATCH IT.

As a public figure within the music industry, and even more so in the hip-hop world, artists have to keep up an image of control. Through his openness about his own depression and anxiety, this is something that Stephen is trying to redefine, and something that hits home with me.

“In the industry there’s so much bravado, however real we claim to be as artists. People just want a good performance, you have to keep up the image of being ok, whether or not you are.”

Artists who project this false image can dangerously mislead a younger generation of fans to think that they too should “front it”, and mask how they really feel. Stephen also thinks the media have a part to play in amplifying certain masculine tropes.

RAP MUSIC AS A WHOLE GETS A HARD TIME IN THE PRESS, BECAUSE PEOPLE FOCUS ON THE NEGATIVE. THERE’S NOT A LOT OF ATTENTION ON THE STUFF THAT HELPS PEOPLE MAKE SENSE OF THEIR SITUATION.

“Biggie was one of my favourite rappers, there was a lot of honesty to his music. And Eminem, he’s very passionate and open emotionally. He’s not afraid to say how he feels, whether that be good or bad.”

Social media also plays a part in perpetuating false images too. It can breed unspoken competition and people may feel they have to keep up. I know first hand this can leave certain people isolated, trapped in their own world. The false projection of happy and exciting lives on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook can make people feel there’s no time and space for vulnerability.

into a downward spiral of depression and isolation are more scared of disappointing the people around them than they are of taking their own lives. “Isolation is a huge problem. That’s why you should use your voice for good. Suicide is not a selfish act, but it feels like “this is just me, no-one else feels this way”, and that’s what can lead people onto the psychological path of no return.”

2016 has been an awful and utterly bizarre year.

If anything positive can come from it, it’s that campaigns like CALM, and their ambassadors and patrons like Stephen, have moved closer to breaking down the social stigma around men and mental health. We’re beginning to create an allinclusive public space for men to talk about their vulnerability and insecurities without the fear of seeming unmanly.

The candid talk came to a close with a hopeful message. Stephen was asked how it felt taking the risk and opening up about his emotions and being vulnerable. He was asked the question: ‘What does it feel like now, being real, for real?’

“It feels empowering.”

Rowland Bennett has worked as a music journalist, promoter and DJ. He runs Day & Night Productions. You can follow him @RowlandBennett.

“With rappers - everyone assumes we’re all hard. Tattoos, selling drugs, owning a Staffie, getting stabbed (I didn’t stab anyone!) – it’s a misconception, and people project an image that isn’t honest. People can mistake strong for hard, but there’s a lot of strength in showing your true feelings.”

“Strength comes from admitting you’re vulnerable and once you’ve done that, you own it.”

The most resounding point in Stephen’s discussion was the reality that people who get

Watch CALM on the sofa with Professor Green – chatting about masculinity and growing up in Hackney on thecalmzone.net

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Christmas Style Guide

6 things to make you stand out at the Christmas Party House party, office party, Christmas prom or whatever, if you want to do a party right, you need to dress for the job.

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TOPMAN Digital Editorial Co-Ordinator, Jacob Corner, let’s you know how

Wear Velvet Velvet is a criminally underused fabric, so you can rest easy knowing you’re going to be the only one wearing it at the party. Also, everyone always wants to give it a stroke when you’re wearing it (the jacket that is).

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Invest in One-of-a-Kind Outerwear If you’re blending in at a party, you might as well have not turned up. Oversized outerwear will make all the difference, whether you go for a prince-esq piece of flamboyant faux fur or something more old school.

Inspired? Find the latest trend updates at TOPMAN.COM

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Have the Midas Tux There’s something about wearing a tux that makes you feel like a goddamn millionaire. Scientifically proven to make you look your best, if you’ve absolutely got to make a good impression you’ve absolutely got to wear a tux.

Roll Deep We’re not saying you guys should co-ordinate your looks to the extent of a, say, Korean pop group.

Nor are we saying you all need to dress to a persona (‘Gareth’s the bad boy of the group’). But there’s nothing wrong with making sure you all look good before you head out so you really make your mark.

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Don’t Wear a Christmas Jumper

Like people still trying to make ‘Computer says no’ gags, guys wearing OTT Christmas jumpers covered in fairy lights are dragging out a joke that’s long dead. Instead of flogging a dead horse/reindeer buy a proper jumper instead.

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Get Shirty If you’re going to spend the night behaving like an animal, you might as well dress like one. Printed statement shirts will always add a bit of oomph to your look, giving it a real Alex Turner vibe. Pop yours on under a suit jacket for a rakish look.

BOYS DO CRY THE ‘BOYS DO CRY’ PANEL AIMED TO TAKE AN HONEST LOOK AT THE EMOTIONAL LANDSCAPE OF BOYS AND MEN TODAY. HERE’S SOME HIGHLIGHTS FROM TWO MEN THAT DON’T MIND SHEDDING A TEAR AND FLIPPING THEIR MOST DIFFICULT EXPERIENCES INTO SOME IMPRESSIVELY CREATIVE STUFF. Illustrations by Edson Lovatto @edsonlovatto For these reasons a lot of young men bottle up the emotion. Only certain types of expression are permitted. There aren’t enough shades of male identity. Young boys see a celebration of being angry and angry alpha males in the media.

This hyper-masculinity is celebrated - it’s all about impressing not expressing.

A lot of men are running away from love, selflove especially, and a lot of men feel alone. I’ve learnt from my dancing, to purge, to release certain pressures. Through finding and using art, it’s given me a place where I can tap into my subconscious. I use this energy and I express it, make it real, kinetic.

Ivan Blackstock is a dancer. His work with youth groups has given him great insight on the connection between men, mental health, music and creativity. He was asked if he thought there’d been a shift lately, giving men more of a license to cry.

“I watched a Youtube video recently of a young boy getting a vaccination – he was getting injected with a big needle and started to cry, and his father was saying - come on you’re a man, don’t cry.

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But being on stage is hard, and 2016 has been a very hard year for me. I haven’t spoken to my father in 20 years and I had to open up to him this year. I realised he’d been throught the same thing as me, mentally. That’s why we need to challenge this hierarchy of masculinity. All my work is about challenging ideas of hierarchy.”

CALM ambassador, comedian and all round excellent fella Jack Rooke took to the stage to discuss his comedy show – tackling the loss of his father at an early age and, more recently his friend to suicide.

“I don’t think I ever grieved about my Dad with other men, it was always with women. I was brought up by women, working class grafters.

losing dad as part of my debut comedy-theatre show Good Grief. We spoke about how she felt as an elderly person, an expectation that she should be somewhat desensitised to death and how people comfortably ask her about an elderly friend who has died but not her son - and actually she really wants to remember him. As for my Grandad he wouldn’t talk at all. His silence made it even harder for her to cope.

Britain has a weird culture of grief. The English language has so many euphemisms for death, all these things that try to mask the painful reality.

Good Grief is really a show about a teenager and an elderly person, coming together to celebrate someone who they’ve lost in an untimely circumstance, it shows that different ages and generations can deal with grief together. We sometimes negate elderly people in Britain and the wisdom they might have.

They brought money home and put food on the table and they were very emotive and very much about having time with me.

At school, it was really weird to go from Jack: slightly overweight, does drama; to Jack whose dad died.

Teachers gave me a ‘get out of class card’ to “go to the library and read a book”. I’d order Dominos and indulge in all the negative behaviours that we’re advised against. I’d cry in the disabled toilet. Very spacious! All toilets should be disabled size, that’s another thing I campaign for.

I developed coping mechanisms through talking.

As my Nan said, “laughter is a medicine but talking is the cure.”

We could laugh at the grief, so much so that eventually I wanted to create something from it.

“Hey Nan, do you want to write a comedy about Dad dying?” She said yes.

In 2012, one of my best friends Ollie took his own life. I understand that suicide is not a selfish act, and that we shouldn’t be angry, but I couldn’t help but be angry at Ollie dying. I felt a sense of failure, it was such a waste to lose such a beautiful, intelligent person. He couldn’t cope with the ‘man ladder’. You know – you go to University, get a good job, don’t move back to the seaside town.

He felt that pressure and it was too much. I’m channeling the anger into something good now.

He’s the driving force behind my next show.

I read about a study recently thats showed we’re OK with boys crying up to around 14 years old, but as soon as they’re 15 its not OK, something changes. It’s silly. But we need to keep encouraging young boys to not feel that shame and weakness in showing emotion.”

SURPRISING FACT FROM A PSYCHOLOGIST IN THE AUDIENCE: MEN WHO BOTTLE THEIR FEELINGS ARE 16 TIMES MORE LIKELY TO HAVE HEART PROBLEMS THAN MEN WHO EXPRESS THEMSELVES. ONE MORE REASON TO CRY FELLAS!

Me and my 85-year-old Nan sat in her council flat in Uxbridge recording hours of us chatting about thecalmzone.net - CALM Helpline London: 0808 8025858 Outside London: 0800 58 58 58

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TORCH SONGS SONGS THAT GUIDE US OUT OF THE DARK #whatsyourtorchsong

Everyone struggles sometimes, but there’s usually one track that can turn things around - your Torch Song. CALM’s new campaign, Torch Songs, celebrates the power of music to lift us our of life’s low points. An amazing group of artists and bands have recorded exclusive versions of their Torch Songs for CALM. Here some of them explain why...

T he Vaccines

Justin Young on Hope by the Descendents Growing up listening to punk rock was so empowering and cathartic because of its raw power and anger. Often though, as a young boy, it was hard to relate to lyrically, but Hope spoke to me so deeply. Ob-

Blaenavon

Ben Gregory on Everything Reminds Me of Her by Elliott Smith I was always going to choose Elliott Smith. Because he’s my No 1 artist of all time, selecting one of his dozens of perfect songs was a trickier prospect. Everything Reminds Me of Her brings me back to autumn 2014, spending all of my time with someone I was very in love with and although things came to a bit of a sad end, I’ll listen to this song and remember the good old times and feel content in my nostalgia. Obviously the main message of the song hits home pretty hard, but it’s some of the other imagery got some of the most beautiful, ab-

“I’VE BEEN TOLD TO SHUT THE FUCK UP BY FRIENDS shut the fuck up by friends when WHEN TRYING TO trying to open up, and I think it’s a OPEN UP, AND I real problem we face. My relation- THINK IT’S A REAL ship with songs like this one has PROBLEM WE FACE” up and talking about their struggles and their feelings very dif-

helped me immeasurably through the years to get through tough times and I sometimes wonder what I’d do without them. Few things feel as good as shouting “I know some day, my day will come”, which I’ve

crushes. I think I’m a bit of a heartbreak kid, and it still resonates in the same way today. I guess there’s nothing in the world quite like hope.

Frank Turner

on This Year by the Mountain Goats CALM a few years ago when my friend Dan wrote a moving piece about his struggles with mental health. It was all the more good friends with Dan, I was not aware that he’d had issues to deal with. It was an eye-opener for me, a perfect introduction to the importance of the work CALM does. My choice of song was easy: This Year, by Mountain Goats. I had a rough time of it in 2014 and 2015, for various reasons, both personal and professional.

That song arrived in my life during that time and quickly became my battle anthem for surviving the slings and arrows. The refrain “I am going to make it through this year if it kills me” is perfect for shouting out loudly, to yourself or to others, during the darker times.

kind of rhythm: “The spin of the earth impaled the silhouette of the sun on the steeple.” Also the instrumental breaks hold some of the most touching guitar playing I’ve heard. It’s funny to choose such a sad song as my Torch Song but it just cheers you up when you realise someone has felt exactly the same way as you do now. It helps knowing that what’s happened to you isn’t the end of the world – someone else has been through it – and while Elliott’s tale ended so sadly, I think his music has saved a lot of people from a similar fate.

Years Years

Olly Alexander (pictured left) on Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell At 13 I taught myself piano from an old song book, and Joni Mitchell’s Both Sides Now was

to cover the song for Calm’s Torch Songs. It made me into a huge Joni Mitchell fan. I have so many favourites of hers, but this song seemed heartbreaking. I love how she’s so vulnerable, she sounds so wise and poetic and exposed. I really believe that she’s lived, been hurt and is that. It always feels like a thump in the chest at the end of the song when she sings: “I really don’t know life at all.” It’s a brave line, it’s sad but it also feels hopeful to me.

Listen to all these tracks and more at www.torchsongs.co.uk. Share your own Torch Song with #whatsyourtorchsong.

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THE MAN CASE: Unpacking Mas Words by Matt Kynaston @MattKyns Photos by Hannah Goodwin @InquisitiveEye

When I could tear myself away from enlightening talks and the like, I spent my time at Being A Man Festival conducting somewhat of a social experiment.

’s What in the ? as e C n a M

I invited unknowing attendees (men and women) to rummage through a rusty old suitcase filled with ‘manly’ paraphernalia, the Man Case. I then asked them one simple question: “What, to you, is the manliest thing in this case?”

Goalie gloves (well worn) Karma sutra Steak (real, bloody and raw) 22

Baseball cap

Bottle opener

sculinity

Can of beer

Book of facts

Pingpong bat Hip-flask

Plectrums (CALM ones of course)

Suit jacket and tie

Remote control car controller

DVDs (Green Street, Rock n Rolla, Essex Boys)

Shin pad

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The findings Many picked out the goalie gloves as the most manly, which surprised me. It was partly their worn-away, tattiness that people identified with.

One chap, Davy, said that the gloves reminded him of manual labourers shifting barrows with calloused hands on construction sites – quite a manly thing to be doing. He then admitted that he probably didn’t look after his hands so well, and that he probably should. Others said that the gloves reminded them of being back in the macho environment of a muddy PE changing room after a football lesson.

It was common for participants to hark back to memories of school and sporting events. Lee has been playing football all his life, he dismissed the gloves but said it was the shin pads that were the manliest thing for him, in terms of practicality.

On a pitch with 21 other men, all wanting to win, preparation is everything. As a man (he says) you have to make sure you’re protected, so that you can give it your all during the game, meaning that when you come off the field afterwards, you win the respect of your team mates.

Lee felt most like a man when winning the ball in a tackle, winning headers and being physical.

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Steak was very popular as well; one man, John, said that many of his mates seem to identify manliness with the food they eat. There seems to be a trait of fetishising a raw steak as a way of tapping into the hunter-gatherer / cave-man. We agreed there doesn’t seem to be the same expectation on women. Whilst John only eats steak rarely, he recognised that men seem more obliged to order steak when out with other men.

Lexy is a vegetarian. He said his father pressures him to order a steak whenever they go for a meal together. This is something which he finds challenging to deal with… Does meat maketh the man?

Seems to be the case that we identify objects as masculine if they remind us of times when we were around other groups of men. The hip-flask, for instance, was a popular choice; one person saying that it reminded him of a time when he was on a stag do, and everyone in the group was given a hip-flask for the weekend. A token of the vanguard, so to speak.

Although the karma sutra sex tips book wasn’t a very popular choice as the most manly item,

Simon shared a very interesting perspective: when being intimate in the bedroom with a partner, he is at his most vulnerable and most ‘himself’, and therefore at his manliest. Interesting.

Presenting my case I now ask you, reader, to think about whether eating steak or drinking beer or wearing football gloves makes you feel any less or more of a man.

With Christmas on its way, as we all rush to the shops to panic-purchase for our often estranged family members, think about what sort of gifts we are buying each other, and what messages and stereotypes we are reinforcing with those choices.

The Man Case really gave us the chance to ‘unpack’ some of the ideas we have around masculinity; where these ideas come from and why they influence us today.

It lead to some really interesting conversations about the baggage we unknowingly carry around and the load we place on others. And it turns out to be the case that manliness means many different things to many different people.

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Cards Against Living Miserably Nights playing Cards Against Humanity usually start with wit and end in disaster. In homage, we created Cards Against Living Miserably to play games with masculinity.

Men should always in have their shed A stick to s tir paint with

Cards Against Living

Miserably

Cards Against Living Miserably

What keeps men awake at night?

Wanking

Cards Again

st Living Mi

serably

is the only reason a man can cry

Manxiety

r toe

Stubbing you

Cards Against Living Miserably

Cards Against Livi ng

Miserably

Cards Against Living Miserably

Cards Against Living Miserably

ably

st Living Miser

Cards Again

Which pairings do you love and hate?

taught you everything you know

What should a real man never do?

Mansplaining

Inalienable man code

Share an umbrel la with another man Cards Against Living Miserably

Cards Against Living Miserably

Cards Against Living Miserably

Cards Against Livi ng

men happy

Cards Against Living Miserably

Miserably

makes

Broga

LADS LADS LADS!

Cards Against Living Miserably

Cards Against Livi ng

Miserably

Cards Against Living Miserably

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INTRODUCING IAN BERRY

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You may not see it at first glance, but inspect closely and you’ll notice our CALMzine cover was made solely in denim. Its creator, Ian Berry, is an internationally respected artist (and now a CALM ambassador!) from up North.

He constructs his majestic works using just denim. All the work you see is nothing more than jeans. No added paint or bleach, and all parts are layered up to make a 3D piece. We officially celebrated Ian joining Team CALM with his CALMzine cover at Being A Man Festival. We sat him down on the sofa to talk art therapy, empty studio syndrome and of course… jeans.

So why CALM? I first worked on the Stand Up To Suicide gig you had in 2011 and always enjoyed working on CALM stuff as an Art Director. I moved country and was out of England for eight years but I followed you on Twitter and was always interested in your approach and when I moved back to London I’d pick up the mag in Topman.

People think as an artist your life is brilliant, parts of it are, but I’ve had anxiety issues and get stressed a lot. I think it’s important to share your story. I think it’s great that we’re seeing more people open up about mental health issues. Often when people suffer they think they’re the only one. We all could learn a bit more. It’s only this year I’ve realised the difference between depression and anxiety.

As obvious as that seems now.

Tell us about your latest exhibition It’s called Behind Closed Doors. I’m from Huddersfield and I was away from my family for a long time. When I was traveling a lot, living in different places and flying round Madrid, Amsterdam, England, Sweden it was hard to find where home was. I used to have lots of best friends in different places but you keep on moving, making new ones but losing touch with others.

When I got back to London it seemed that property was actually a massive strain on people.

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Their house was no longer a home, it was an asset. I also saw these laundrettes closing down, small businesses closing down, lots of people on phones, not really communicating with those they were with. It all felt melancholy to me. I wanted to represent domestic scenes, looking into these beautiful homes where the person should be happy, but they were scenes of sadness. I tried to represent all this in Behind Closed Doors.

Does working in denim lend itself to a more personal, melancholy piece?

PEOPLE SAY THEY FIND THE PIECES FEEL QUITE PERSONAL, IT’S BECAUSE OF THE DOMESTIC SCENERY BUT I THINK IT’S BECAUSE WE FEEL CONNECTED TO DENIM IN A WAY.

It’s an everyday material. We feel confident in our denim, it shapes to your body, it stains and becomes quite individualised over time, we create memories with it. What better way to portray contemporary life with the material of our time? Obviously the blue tones can help create that melancholy feeling but I love indigo and think it can be rather positive and warm too.

Do you find the creative process therapeutic?

Yeah I’m most at peace when I’m sat cutting denim, it’s the computer stuff that’s stressful for me: social media, emails, admin and all that. I’m much more content when just working and seeing progress on a piece. The longer I go without making new work the harder it is. After the last show I totally crashed. All the work had gone to private collections and I returned to the studio with no work.

BEING SURROUNDED BY WHAT YOU CREATED IS INSPIRING AND GIVES YOU CONFIDENCE, BUT WITHOUT MY WORK AROUND ME I FOUND IT HARD TO GET GOING. I CALLED IT ‘EMPTY STUDIO SYNDROME’.

Is this idea of the ‘tortured artist’ a myth?

I think it’s a bad stereotype. You’ve met me, I’m a normal guy. You grow up thinking artists are supposed to be these special, mad, creative characters. But for me I don’t like it in the way some gay men might not like TV’s camp style, because people have preconceived ideas of what a gay man should be like.

When you’re an artist, your job is you… you’re a brand, as much the art as the art itself. I do struggle though, with insecurity. It’s a lifestyle where one minute you can be worshipped and the next someone doesn’t have a clue who you are. Even if you were the top artist in the country there’s always someone better.

YOU’RE ALWAYS LOOKING TO THE NEXT THING, EVEN WHEN YOU’RE AT A POINT THAT COULD END UP BEING THE PINNACLE OF YOUR LIFE, YOU’LL SPEND IT LOOKING TO THE NEXT PEAK.

I have large expenses, a studio to run and a family to feed. And you put everything into it. When you do shows, it’s just a few weeks that you publicly show your work but you’re working on that stuff for years before, creating and wondering. It’s quite hard.

What’s the one piece of music you think everyone needs to hear?

The one I’m always happy when dancing around to, and our family song, is Baba O’Riley by The Who. But when I need to focus and concentrate I love to listen to Brooklyn-based The Heavy Empty.

He makes amazing instrumental stuff. It’s been the soundtrack of my studio for a long time now and helps me win my headspace back. ianberry.org Facebook: Ian Berry - Denimu Instagram: @ianberry.art

The other thing is financial insecurity. You do spend a lot of time thinking what if I don’t sell? thecalmzone.net - CALM Helpline London: 0808 8025858 Outside London: 0800 58 58 58

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The Language Police talk on day two of Being A Man Festival aimed to explore whether men can navigate the ‘minefield’ of language on issues largely relating to women and feminism. Will de Groot went along and found the discussion was hindered by many of the issues it aimed to address.

Words by Will de Groot @willodg Culturally, it feels like we’ve got to a point where our default reactions to opinions that differ from our own are at best defensive and at worst ridicule, or a complete shut-down of the speaker.

In many ways, it feels like active listening has become a bit of a lost skill.

What struck me about the hour-long ‘Language Police’ discussion was just how challenging it was for both panel and audience alike to engage in constructive dialogue. It was often a difficult and at times heated debate. And a lack of constructive listening meant that those involved regularly fell into the trap of shutting others down – such displays were prime examples of the very thing we were there to discuss.

Thinking about the contextual shifts at play here, social media undoubtedly plays a significant role.

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For better or for worse, it’s added a whole new polarising dimension to the way in which we interact with others. Actor and spoken word artist Ben Norris summed up the point well:

EVERYONE’S ALWAYS BEEN OFFENDED BUT NOW WE HAVE THE PLATFORMS THAT FACILITATE THAT OFFENCE, IT’S AS OFFENSIVE AS IT WAS BEFORE - IT JUST GETS SPREAD MORE WIDELY, WHERE MORE PEOPLE CAN SEE. This can mean that the most extreme views get the most attention, polarising opposing camps further. Just as our behaviour online is rooted in the reactionary, it now seems our interactions in the real world are too. We seem to block the opinions of others in real life just as easily a leftie type would delete a friend on Facebook for having a whiff of Tory in their status. But where does that really get us? If we only surround ourselves with opinions that reflect our own, we’ll eventually end up in a self-reinforcing feedback loop – sometimes referred to as an echo-chamber or ‘filter bubble’, where we only have our beliefs confirmed and the rest of the world is filtered out.

Out of frustration, we convince ourselves that we don’t have the time and patience to indulge differing opinions – but time and patience are the very things that are needed if we’re ever going to build meaningful dialogue. We need to learn to facilitate better conversations.

Thinking about ‘safe spaces’, Tim Samuels, chair of the panel and author of Who Stole My Spear, floated the point that when men are around other men (i.e. in the changing room) political correctness evaporates and can therefore prove a ‘healthy release’. It’s clear that we need to create spaces for men to be able to express themselves and share ideas, but tapping into the notion of “locker room banter” against the backdrop of Trump feels uncomfortable.

For all the debate on what men can and can’t say, it occured to me that if there’s one thing that men remain silent on, it’s themselves. We have less of a formed opinion on masculinity and male experience because we’ve probably never had to really think about it. And perhaps that’s where we need to shift the focus.

When it comes to men, my feeling is that we stay silent when it comes to our own experiences simply because we don’t yet have the language or tools with which to fully express ourselves.

FOR ALL THE DEBATE ON WHAT MEN CAN AND CAN’T SAY, IT OCCURED TO ME THAT IF THERE’S ONE THING THAT MEN REMAIN SILENT ON, IT’S THEMSELVES. We can struggle to articulate our inner lives in a way that feels authentic to our own lived experiences. And that’s ok, because we’re still learning.

Feminism has paved the way for men to critically engage in a meaningful consideration of masculinity. What seems to clear to me is that whether you self-identify as a feminist or not, in taking a progressive male standpoint, everyone stands to gain a lot more. We need to think about constructive listening, allowing others to speak, and accepting that sometimes we might not know.

We want to be better but in order for that to happen we need to create the conditions in which we can be better. It’s crucial to remember that equality is a joint project. It befalls us all to take responsibility in purposefully creating space through which we can meaningfully connect with one another.

Rather than simply shutting down that which we don’t agree with or understand, perhaps we need to be a bit more open to differing perspectives in a unified effort to build a more cohesive, tolerant and understanding society. We need that now more than ever.

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Illustration: Lucia Reynoso | behance.net/luciareynoso

PRETTY HURTS A POEM by LionHeart

Performed live at Being A Man Festival.

Check it out on thecalmzone.net

There are things we won’t say.

Til this day I believe if self-doubt was a religion, it’d be the only thing we’d believe in, but it’s not our fault.

Believe it or not there’s an insecure person hidden inside each and every one of us.

Each morning none of us discuss how tough it is or how much of a struggle it is to wake up and have blind dates with a mirror that wishes it could see other people.

We, we’re insecure by default, the world’s biggest joke is that we are all born equal.

It doesn’t take a genius to see us suffering from self-hatred.

Kids learn at early ages, that the best looking is usually the teacher’s favourite, or how cuter siblings are disciplined different for doing exactly the same thing.

Isn’t it amazing how the people we like find us fit for friendship, but out of shape for dating?

So the phrase being pretty hurts is an overstatement, because being ugly kills.

Ask yourself, ask yourself how it feels to have looks that aren’t in fashion,

or how sarcasm thanks your parents for genes that aren’t in style, to asking God ‘why me?’ whenever taking a selfie some people won’t understand that Instagram treats bad looking pictures like a disability don’t look for too long, avoid feeling sorry for them at all costs.

Have we not acknowledged the tolerance or leeway we give to pretty people who do ugly things?

This world breeds our insecurities.

It teaches us to be vain.

We’re so concerned about the physical that we don’t observe the literal facts that there are companies with stocks in our self esteem.

Profiting from how we see ourselves and make other people feel.

Instilling an impossible quest for perfection that lessens our self-acceptance.

Hence it being the reason conformity has killed more identities than education has killed potential.

Look, not everyone can fit into a stencil...

But it seems like everybody’s trying to. ​​ @LionHeartFelt Photo by Aslam Husain

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