Reset Magazine Issue 2

GET YOURSELF SOME MANSPIRATION January 2011

INSIDE Rules for living Eddy Temple-Morris tells us his Manifesto Escape from The Gender Matrix Obsessed Horror and fishing, together at last

Everything Everything open up for RESET Plus Street Art Top Tips Win free music & books

FREE!

Hello there...

ET Welcome to the second issue of RES the by you to ght magazine, brou Campaign Against Living Miserably. ent, Think of it as a late Christmas pres but one that actually fits.

Being in a band isn’t all glam. t Ever ything Ever ything tell us abou drum hum the with how they cope side, while Simon Morrison explains what years of doing weird things with substances (and biscuits) can do to Joe you. We’ve also got Chris Price and Harland with different problems to face in the form of a road trip across America, Dan Bell is waiting to blow your mind and we review a rather l. fantastic Futureheads gig in Liverpoo raw sly erou dang Oh, and we have passion in Obsessed, our top tips in How To Be....and the Essex boys dan r le sac and Scroobius Pip return to offe . lems prob your on their, er, “take” But remember, we want to make a y space for you to be opinionated, funn that g ythin ever t abou n poke outs and you are and want to be.

So get in touch at — reset@thecalmzone.net.

Contents 5 The MANifesto Xfm DJ Eddy TempleMorris tells us his rules for living.

6 — 8 Everything Everything This year’s hottest new band tell us how they got there.

9 How You Can Help Our website, what we can do for you and what you can do for us.

10 & 11 Recombobulated Former party

animal and current hypochondriac Simon Morrison gets a medical.

14 & 15 Misadventures in Rock and Roll America Two men, in a car, in

America. They may survive.

16 & 17 The Gender Matrix Dan Bell

explodes some myths about YOU. 18 & 19 The Futureheads John Still tells

us all about his CTRL Topman gig.

21 — 23 Obsessed Gory horror? Opinion

about music and games? Fishing? Head here...

26 & 27 How To Be....a Street Artist Bodie Cameron whispers his guide from behind the back of some bins.

30 Dear dan le sac Vs Scroobius Pip

They’re here to solve your problems. Sort of.

Good to see you again

Editor: Martin Cordiner Reset Coordinator: Jamie Scahill Design: Because Studio Original design: TheoBaldFox Contributors: Eddy Temple-Morris, Gareth Brooks, Simon Morrison, Chris Price, Joe Harland, Dan Bell, John Still, John Andrews, Adam Thorn, Andy Naylor, Bodie Cameron, dan le sac and Scroobius Pip Special thanks to everyone who put their time and effort into making this happen, especially Jane Powell, Ajax Scott, James Scroogs, Simon Howes, Darren Wheeler @ Gould Publication Papers UK, Gary Smith @ Redactive, all at Topman and everyone at Skiddle.com Do you want to advertise in or write for RESET email us at reset@thecalmzone.net The Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is a registered charity No. 1110621 Unit 304, 30 Gt Guildford St, London SE1 0HS Twitter http://twitter.com/TheCALMZone facebook http://www.facebook.com/theCALMzone Disclaimer All text and layout is the copyright of CALM. Nothing in the magazine may be reproduced in whole or part without the written permission of the publisher. All copyrights are recognised and used specifically for the purpose of criticism and review. Although the magazine has endeavoured to ensure all information is correct at time of print, prices and availability may change. This magazine is fully independent and not affiliated in any way with the companies mentioned herein.

www.THECalmzone.net

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My MANifestO Eddy Temple-Morris

I’m from a pathologically un-emotional family. I know what it’s like to bottle things up, which is terrible, and brings with it all manner of problems in relating to other people on every level, but I don’t suffer from depression. I have the opposite to deal with - almost permanent positivity.

I am very emotional and I outpour a lot. People often say to me: “Too much information”, but I say this to almost every young man on Earth: “not enough information!”

We men are awful at talking about things that really matter. I know, on the surface of things, that what most men are thinking really matters is how Van Der Wotsit is going to make a difference for Arsenal or how great it is that Monster Munch are now big again. But all of this is by-the-by. What’s really important is HOW YOU FEEL about these things, and whether you’re happy in your job, and your sexual relationship, and where you fit in the world, and how the way you were raised affects your relationship with everything around you.

So, do me a favour, no actually do *yourself* a favour, and start making a conscious effort to communicate how you feel more, just as an experiment, you may find the results surprisingly positive.

If you love somebody, even a little bit, just bloody tell them! They could be dead tomorrow and they would never have known...

and gest-serving presenters Eddy is one of Xfm’s lon g vin was one of the dri is thoroughly brilliant. He ainst The Machine Ag ge Ca forces behind the en he’s not on the radio Christmas record, and wh also sometimes be found or DJing in a club, he can with his band Losers. tm www.twitter.com/eddy .com site eb uw ecm eddysays.th

You could actually be saving their life, just by letting them know how you feel. That you love them, or that they inspire you, or that you’re thinking of them in ‘this difficult time they’re having’. Don’t just think it: SAY IT! So - this could be the most important thing you’ve done in ages. Just pick up the phone and call a mate, and try talking to them about stuff you never normally talk about. Talk about your relationship, about their relationship, or their lack of either. Talk about those things that are awkward, or uncomfortable for most guys to broach.

Reach out. Communicate, talk about these things, talk about anything, just talk... it’s amazing how positive something as simple as talking can be.

They say you can save a life in Africa or Pakistan just by donating two quid. I say this: a phone call to a landline is pretty much free, email too, and eyeballing a mate and talking to them about things that really matter costs nothing. You could save a life right now. Do it when you’ve finished reading this. Everything else can wait.

Do it. NOW.

What is your MANifesto? Tell us and we’ll tell the world! Get in touch at www.thecalmzone.net

www.THECalmzone.net

5

g n i h t y r e Ev Every thing r Manchester’s etty busy one fo pr a en be s und of 2010, ha The last year ed in the BBC So m na g in be m ything, fro ry, Reading & Ever ything Ever g at Glastonbu in ay pl d an m p 20 albu to releasing a To rope. or festivals in Eu aj m l al ous as Leeds and e UK as glamor ttest bands in th ho e in a Cafe th of ys e bo on e ooks met th But is life in Br h et ar G ’s m ight be? Xf ... you’d think it m er a full English d had a chat ov an r te in Manches nd come How did the ba together? were at university Jeremy: Jon and I d in a few different together and playe t, Jon put another bands. When we lef he brought in two band together and school. Then our his other guys from out a year ago and old guitarist left ab Alex joined. st starting out, What’s it like ju l empty venues al playing the sm le? to very few peop we’d have to do that, Jeremy: We knew ent it. It was quite we didn’t actually res a half hours to d an tough, you drive 2 y to 12 people, and Oxford and you pla 6

Reset January 2011

oter g £20 off the prom then you have to be to w ho t rn lea t we for petrol home. Bu in a band. be d an er eth tog y pla a re fun than having Jon: It’s still far mo , en th job r ou it was normal job, not that n. fu be uld but doing all that co el that things fe Did you always ? od go would come sort of arrogant to Jeremy: It sounds did. We had to be say so, but yeah we s two full years from quite patient, it wa us doing a deal. It forming the band to come into it with helped that we’d all in bands. experience of being

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Sebastian Matthes / manox.net

nd, is it all So being in a ba the worst thing glamour? What’s cope with it? and how do you velling. Up at 7am, Alex: Relentless tra ro Tunnel, arrive drive down to the Eu hours later. And 18 at your destination ge, you play for half when you get onsta an hour. k e outside people loo Jon: I think from th g vin “man, they’re ha at a band and think t they only see that bu e” such a great tim half hour of fun. gh, people will Inevitably thou idolise you in a look up to you, e you’re in a way just becaus u balance that band. How do yo undane stuff? with the more m people that we’re Mickey: You remind time, or at least working a lot of the are. Travelling for we like to think we e back of a van where endless hours in th t miserable. you can’t sleep is jus

gest thing that gets Jon: I guess the big ay. We’ve all got us down is being aw away 3 out of ever y girlfriends and we’re much of the year.

4 weeks or more for thing they can find Jon: And the only we’re playing in at out about us is th .

Frankfurt that night moment in So RESET is that have got too life where things to a head, that e much and com you press to mythical button part of your life leave the rubbish e forward. Have behind and mov press the RESET you ever had to t again? button and star t s about 17, I though Jeremy: When I wa or e or ym an ol ho sc I don’t want to go to at just wanted to stay I d an tes ma my e se d rea t, on on the seafr home. I sat around e. os pp su I , ed nvalesc books and kind of co ow kn lly rea n’t d did I was depressed an to do about it. at wh or s wa it at wh

How did you come out of that?

Jeremy: I was still pretty young, that helped.

It’s easy for me to trivialise it now, but it was quite a big deal. I went to the doctor and got some medication. They get a lot of bad press, and with good reason because there’s some pretty strange side effects, but I think I was one of the success stories from that kind of process of medium strength anti-depressants and a bit of counselling.

I don’t think you ever stop being a depressive person, I mean it’s never going to go away completely, and every six weeks or so I do kind of get a bit like it again. And it’ll last like half a day or two days or whatever, then I’m alright again. But I recognise the pattern now.

A lot of it had to do with my relationship with my parents and normal adolescent problems really, that everybody experiences to some degree or another. Some people are able to cope with them better than I did, I suppose.

I don’t think I was a particularly extreme case at all.

What advice would you have for anyone experiencing those kind of problems now? Would you suggest a visit to the Doctor and some counselling?

Jeremy: I would actually. It’s not gonna work for everyone, but it’s worth trying.

Jon: I guess the thing is to tell people.

Jeremy: As soon as you can hold your hands up and say I need some sort of help, that’s up to you as to what that’s gonna be.

Jon: I went through a thing when I was sort of about 16 or 17, where I went mental for about 6 months, and just didn’t tell anyone at all. And then it happened to a friend about a year later and he told everyone and got all the counselling and all the drugs. It went away for both of us, but whilst he was going through it, I was always thinking “I should have done that, I should have told someone”, just to get a name for it is a big start. When someone says you’re schizophrenic or whatever, that at least makes you know that it’s not completely abnormal, it’s not just you.

Lastly then, what advice would you give to anyone looking to put a band together?

Mickey: Write as much as you can, play as much as you can.

Jeremy: Take it seriously, you know.

Mickey: Basically, be yourself. Try and find the thing that makes your band and your song writing interesting, concentrate on that and try to carve out your own little niche.

Otherwise there’s no point.

Everything Everything are on tour throughout February and March. www.everything-everything.co.uk

next cover Would you like to interview our ll set it up. we’ and m stars? You choose the one.net lmz eca w.th ww at Get in touch

Listen to Gareth Brooks every Saturday & Sunday from 10am – 2pm on XFM Manchester www.xfm.co.uk 8

Reset January 2011

join

in

HOW YOU CAN HELP

The Campaign Against Living Miserably is a registered charity set up in response to the high suicide rate among young men. We offer support, advice and information to men 15-35 who are down or depressed, via our website and 4-day-a-week helpline. As young men are rarely cute or cuddly, and score zero on the tick box list of worthy causes, raising funds for our helpline is a challenge. Do join us.

CELEBRATE YOUR OBSESSION

Have you got the world’s best TNG collection? Into snakes? Postage stamps, sheds? This isn’t SAD, its BEING A GUY. So let’s slap it up in cyberspace as part of the Campaign Against Living Miserably, and we’ll put the most passionate of them in the next edition of RESET. JOIN THE ARMY

Or campaign, so to speak. Sign the MANifesto on our homepage, and let’s change the world. Or move the axis that couple of degrees so we get a better tan.

GET LAID

And fit. Run for CALM. All those practice runs get the serotonin levels up and develops muscle tone which can do wonders for your sex life. And help us keep our phonelines going so we can help more young men who’ve hit that wall.

Win:win. We’ve places in the London and Manchester 10K, the London Half Marathon and the London Marathon.

But not for long...

Tippy tap your wa y to www.thecal mzone.net where you’ll find longer articles, he lp on stuff which does your he ad in, random fea ture reviews and loads of space to rant. Th s and e best stuff will get cut to size to be squished into the next RESET mag.

www.THECalmzone.net

9

Cough if it hurts

ison Simon Morr

teD a l u b o b m o Rec he Return To T Right Side n the ars I lived o For many ye s, penning ck of the tra e” d Si ng ro “W bars and om nefarious fr s he tc a p dis d, from und the worl bordellos aro ints and jo in alaces, g p nd a rs te gut ultimately stories that … ns ee eb sh bobulated. book Discom e th ed rm fo y night is ery Saturda However ev , inevitably, a a Sunday nd y b ed w llo fo at’s when rning. And th o m y a nd o M back pull yourself you have to disparate e ssemble th a re r, he et g to ate”, ecombobul pieces - to “r if you will....

10 Reset January 2011

grope. Christ sn’t the bollock Thank God it wa ing offered be t - anything bu on a bendy bus . That guy testicular cancer up for the item on right there in the corner nts had to drop his pa lan office on Oxford Road.

-p en op ’s of the BBC . ce Not ni to check haps, we all need But necessary. C d correct an t en es pr re all is ing our our bits; make su ain nt ets – the one co aining in both our bask nt co e on e gels and th baby-making ba af ing ter. The y both need look our brains. The njuring things co ; the other for ng ki in th r fo e on to think about.

e hat looked lik I woke with w er my skin bubbles und

Personally, I am a contradiction in that I contain within one soul the essential traits of both hedonism and hypochondria. In other words I have spent half my life getting twonked, twozzled and otherwise shit-faced and then the other half worrying about the consequences.

And all that whilst navigating a life in the media, as both writer and broadcaster. Which brings us back to the ball grope. I have worked quite a bit with the BBC over the years – the token atheist on the Heaven and Earth show, Coffee Club commentator for Radio Manchester’s Breakfast Show. This visit was for a “well man” feature – testing various men in a kind of human MOT, having a prod about under the hood and trying to figure what bits are about to drop off.

I was chosen for the “respiratory” segment and was on a sticky wicket from the start as I am a life-long asthmatic and general wheeze bag. My opening gambit was my tale of collapsing a lung at a Deep Purple concert as a teenager. The morning after, I woke with an incredible weight on my chest and what looked like bubbles under my skin, which I could move about with an unedifying squelching sensation. It was the escaped air from my lung.

But back to the Beeb. The medical people ran some tests and the prognosis was “not bad… but not good”. Apparently there is a blockage in my bronchial tube. On reflection, that may be the jammy dodger I once snorted in the fug of an early morning, post-club hotel room, in an attempt to make my brother laugh. When he tells people that story they ask, conspiratorially, if “jammy dodger” is some high-tech drug distilled by white-suited chemists in backstreet Amsterdam drug labs.

No, he replies, it’s a biscuit.

So I have spent my life popping pills of one form or another. Once-upon-a-rave it was Denis The Menaces, M25s, Mitsubishis and Blue Smurfs. These days it’s Magnesium, Zinc and Diet 5. The latter are manufactured by the good people at Natural Balance.

Apparently “looking fabulous and feeling more energised is simple when you exercise regularly, drink plenty of water, and supplement your diet plan with Diet 5”. Well I wasn’t feeling fabulous when I paid £26 for a bottle of the fuckers and found out I was supposed to take four a day. I would have fared better with some corner-lurking be-hooded n’er-do-well peddling Blue Smurfs and dreams. But such is my life as a reformed raver; someone who has retired gently from the dancefloor. Not for me Pills, Thrills and Bellyaches of the Happy Mondays… more pills, bills and branflakes.

Still, as I open the mail, pop the vitamins and eat my cereal I can always reflect on the fact that the jammy dodger in the hotel room did indeed make my brother laugh.

s from the ted – Dispatche ‘Discombobula okshops available from bo Wrong Side’ is ress.com rs www.headp and the publishe om/djwrong www.twitter.c

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11

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nd Chris Price a

Joe Harland

s e r u t n e v d a Mis d n a k c o R n i a c i r e Am l l Ro

A life less ordinar y

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Ph he got caught recall, have I. n ice ca I tw d as in – an r s an , fa ar ico ye so , Mex Nor twenty leased Manson rtainty of five to e soon-to-be-re r th de et un m in g pe m in ro hi av t Eu facing the near ce H pu to – in prison, Phil mp bail and head t prison, was to ju aspiring musician ts in LA and the splendidly ap g in ow rr bo ach Boys contac y, tit Be e en m id so ed a th m g wi in su h as ep uc an to d ke t the wrongest d Harold True, an in with just abou name of his frien unknowingly fell et. crowd on the plan 14 Reset January 2011

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Dan Bell

Escape from The Gender MatriX_ I have something to tell you. I don’t think you’re going to like it, but it’s the truth. I want you to take the red pill.

As men we’re told we have all the power, that it’s our needs that are met and our voices that get heard.

Compared to women, we are a privileged class, we have no right to complain. Simple common sense for any right-minded, decent person, right?

The knee-jerk assumption is that men in our society have it easy in comparison to women, but how do we know that’s true? How do we define that privilege? Because if you take a steady look at the facts, men’s lives suddenly don’t look so comfortable after all.

Men kill themselves three to four times as often as women, but tell most people that fact and they will look at you in disbelief. Yet, if the genders were reversed, there wouldn’t be anyone in the country who hadn’t heard about it.

This grim-but-hidden detail is only one of many in which men quietly find themselves the disadvantaged gender.

Here are a few others: Over 80% of those who sleep rough are men Men are 70% more likely to get cancers that affect both men and women The vast majority of victims of street violence are men Women have a right to a year’s maternity leave, paternity leave is two weeks If a couple splits up, family courts effectively treat fathers as the less-important parent The UK average life expectancy is 77 for men and 81 for women Despite this, women can currently claim the state pension five years earlier than men More men than women abuse drugs and alcohol The dirtiest, most-dangerous jobs are done by men Boys do less well than girls at every level of education Military law requires only men to fight on the front line Of nearly 350 British soldiers killed in Afghanistan, only one has been a woman

16 Reset January 2011

ly find men quiet the es themselv aged disadvant gender

I already know what you’re going to say. But what about all the bad things women have to put up with? What about the pay gap? What about domestic violence and rape?

But you’re missing my point. This isn’t, as some would have you believe, a zero-sum game. I’m saying bad things happen to men, not that bad things don’t happen to women.

If we are going to be concerned about women crashing into the glass ceiling, we must have equal concern for the men buried beneath the dirt floor. As it stands, we don’t even notice they are there.

And it’s by no means certain the total burden carried by women is any heavier than that shouldered by men. Take another look at that list. Every item on it goes to the core of a man’s existence. Would you swap 13% extra pay (the Office of National Statistics figure) for four years of your life?

And if you’re about to say women have faced centuries of oppression and now it’s just time for men to take some of their own medicine, I really think you should have a re-think.

Should boys and men, who have never been oppressors, be subject to abuses of power in favour of girls and women who were never oppressed? Maybe it’s crass to weigh injustice against injustice, but one thing is true: women are allowed to be angry about the injustices they face and men are not.

Time toup wake

There are newspaper columnists, an hour every weekday on Radio 4, ranks of feminist lobby groups demanding to be heard and a special minister at the heart of government – the Minister for Women – who tell us that they are.

On the other hand, men who complain are either emasculated for whingeing – told to take it ‘like a man’ - or shamed as bullies, shouted down as sexist pigs trying to oppose female empowerment.

But men do have real concerns that demand to be addressed. They face injustices they have a right to be angry about. It’s time to stand up.

It’s time to tell the machine we are coming to tear it apart.

Ed: Dan writes for the BBC, edits the CALM website and blows our minds, but in a very, very good way.

Head to www.thecalmzone.net for more.

www.THECalmzone.net

17

The Futureheads Frankie and the Heartstrings Hot Club de Paris 7/12/10 @ THE Shipping Forecast, Liverpool BA R RY H Y D E

EACH MONTH TOPMAN CTRL DIGS DEEP INTO THE SOUNDS AND STYLES OF INFLUENTIAL BANDS AS THEY BECOME CONTROLLER. TAKING CHARGE ONLINE AND ON STAGE, SHARING ALL THE MUSIC, FILMS, PLACES, BOOKS AND OTHER HIDDEN GEMS THAT MAKE UP A GREAT BAND AND THEN SELECT THEIR FAVOURITE UP-AND-COMING ACTS TO PERFORM LIVE ONSTAGE WITH THEM...BY JOHN STILL In these icy conditions, even the hardiest of souls would think twice about leaving the comfort of home. However, this evening brings fairly exceptional circumstances, as the Topman CTRL series arrives in Liverpool, bringing with it the opportunity to see postpunk giants The Futureheads in one of the city’s more intimate establishments.

Indeed, the band are more accustomed to playing to 20,000 than 200 these days, so for those who managed to get a ticket (or blag guest list), excitement is running high.

Far more used to headline sets rather than opening slots, particularly in these parts, a shorter set length rather suits Hot Club, treating those present to a quickfire set of favourites including Shipwreck, Hey Housebrick and Yes/No. This mixed with a good helping of their trademark onstage wit leaves the audience thoroughly warmed.

After coming up for air, the assembled throng return to the Hold to catch North-East newcomers Frankie and the Heartstrings, who have been turning heads in the right places recently. Hand-picked by The Handed the task of thawing the already swelling Futureheads for this show, Frankie proves to crowd are local favourites Hot be the focal point for the CTRL favourites, Club de Paris. The band deal in whippossessing a stage persona that has seen him smart, angular pop tunes which, despite likened to Morrissey. the off-kilter rhythms get the crowd moving.

18 Reset January 2011

That comparison proves just as fitting for the music. The Heartstrings are indebted in equal parts to 1950s rock ‘n’ roll, Americana and British post-punk, fashioning a sound not a million miles from the former-Smiths frontman’s solo output. They deliver a set laden with big hooks and bigger attitude, with Frankie playing the consummate rock star, constantly contorting and snapping between snarling and crooning.

Deep breaths now, the basement of the Shipping Forecast is nearly overflowing.

Those returning late from the bar find themselves perching on the stairs, battling for a glimpse of The Futureheads, who kick immediately into new album opener The Chaos, sparking a riot of pogo-ing (proving quite perilous under a ceiling this low). One song in and it’s evident why seeing a band of this calibre in a venue this size is such a privilege. Over the years, The Futureheads have honed their sound, built around tight rhythms, anthemic choruses and four-part harmonies. They ram their set full of songs from each of their four albums, including favourites Robot, The Beginning of the Twist, Skip to the End and Heartbeat Song,

DAV I D ‘JA F F ’ C R A I G

ONE SONG IN AND IT’S EVIDENT WHY SEEING A BAND OF THIS CALIBRE IN A VENUE THIS SIZE IS SUCH A PRIVILEGE. even taking time for their traditional splitting of the crowd before former hit single Hounds Of Love. The band seem at home in smaller surroundings, enjoying the close proximity to their audience, indulging in a little banter with the front-rows, discussing the finer points of north-eastern cuisine amongst other things.

Finishing with first album highpoint Man Ray, they depart, leaving those filing out of the venue in no doubt that they’ve borne witness to something special.

Find out what’s live this month and catch up on videos and photos from previous gigs at:

www.topmanctrl.com. www.THECalmzone.net

19

Three Launch parties in Three Cities Feb 25/26/28 Manchester Liverpool London Featuring DJ sets from Ou Est Le Swimming Pool, Delphic, Kid British, Eddy Temple-Morris, Gareth Brooks, Funkademia and many more...

Click on www.resetsocial.com for full line up and ticket details

OBsessed

FISHING it’s the new rock ‘n’ roll John Andrews

www.andrewsofarcadiascrapbook. blogspot.com/ I started getting back into fishing when I worked at Creation Records, home to Oasis in the mid to late nineties. Initially it was one day a season, the last day, ritually, as a complete contrast to the full-on job of working for a label.

After a while I began to be seduced by the peace and space that I found in the places where I fished. It then dawned on me, slowly, that fishing and rock ‘n’ roll were one and the same. Roads to oblivion, milieu in which the lost souls could live, away from mainstream life in search of something to take them higher.

I suggested this to the audience at a recent Q & A with the author Luke Jennings at a Caught by the River (extreme fishing website, get on it people – Ed) social and quite a few people took issue with what I’d said. But talking to them afterwards I knew they had that look in their eyes. They saw themselves as the archetypal children of rock ‘n’ roll the wild ones - and rock ‘n’ roll might save them but if it doesn’t then an afterlife spent on the towpaths and dam walls of Britain’s backwaters just might.

Roads oblivioto milieu inn, which lost sothe could uls live In every figure that sits alone by the riverbank there is a little part of Keith Richards silently uttering the words ‘your laws don’t apply to us’. d for Creation Records John Andrews worke fore him and fishing from 1994 to 1999 be same thing became one and the iver.net/ er th by ht ug www.ca

www.THECalmzone.net

21

OBsessed

The Horror The Horror Adam Thorn I am banned from picking a film in my flat.

No one trusts me anymore. I hate “normal” films. The Matrix (1999) was good for about five seconds when I was fifteen, Love Actually (2003) makes me physically sick. Don’t even talk to me about Happy Feet (2006). The internet has enabled me to seek out new gore and degradation, to go where few men have gone before and fewer want to. I watch horror films.

I can do nice films, on occasion, but generally speaking you’ll find me watching an obscure French horror film where pigs are raped and people crucified. If you know which film I refer to, you suffer from the same obsession.

For those who do not, it is called The Ordeal (2004) and is more funny than scary.

Love Actual makes ly physic me sick ally

‘Famous’ horror films don’t really do it for me, such as the Saw series. I gave it a go but I began to wish Jigsaw was murdering me so the whole thing would end. Mainly I seek out obscure and visceral, violent, intense films.

I highly recommend Bloody-disgusting.com for those of you thinking this pursuit appeals, as well as Amazon, who stock everything made ever, as far as I can ascertain. Martyrs (2008) is bloody and violent and ultimately rewarding, Trailer Park of Terror (2008) funny and creepy, The Descent (2005) downright abusive and Ringu (1998) mentally scarring.

It is because I lack in feeling? Am I aroused by blood? No, I enjoy trying to scare myself and horror offers human truths like no Sam Mendes film can. Sugar coatings and a nice soundtrack don’t flick my switch. Juno (2007)?

No ta, I’ll watch A L’interieur (2007).

Ed: Adam can mostly be found under bridges eating rodents...when he’s not training to be a philosopher.

www.THECalmzone.net

23

OBsessed

doing star jumps wit h ridicu bracellous does n ets constitot fun— ute

Games , not gimmicks

Cut it out– why single edits are evil

Andy Naylor

Martin Cordiner

The modern world is a health conscious one.

Five-a-day (your fruit and veg), BMI, low fat, low salt...the list goes on. And the games market has leapt upon this increase in health awareness like a hungry hyena stumbling across the half-eaten carcass of a gazelle. At present you can get your podgy little sausage fingers on Wii Fit, EA Sports Active, Mel B’s cruddy dance-a-thon, or whatever it’s called. Games are not meant to be healthy.

When will they learn? If I want to get fit I’ll go running, play football and join a gym. I won’t go out and spend £70 on Wii Fit. The average life of a Wii Fit board is: — Get opened.

— Weigh a chunkster.

— Be trampled to within an inch of its life by said chunkster.

—R e-weigh the chunkster and inform them they have not lost any weight.

— Sit in the corner and gather dust next to the Laser Disc collection.

When did it become alright to butcher songs in the name of mass appeal? Ages ago, in truth, but that doesn’t make it right. I’m talking about the single edit, where album tracks are ruthlessly manipulated to supposedly make them more radio friendly.

www.apolloefc.blogspot.com www.twitter.com/anaylorefc

Games are meant to be fun. Doing star jumps while dodging ceiling lights in my front room, with ridiculous looking bracelets strapped to my forearms does not constitute fun.

Here is an earth shattering idea: just make good and enjoyable games again and I won’t have to suffer a gaming drought like the one dished out this Christmas. Gimmicks are dead, long live games!

24 Reset January 2011

www.twitter.com/McWrites

Utter bollocks and it’s got to stop. I understand if a band (or probably, more accurately, their record company) feel it’s important to remove the final four minutes of static fuzz from that otherwise catchy rock song in order to make a radio station more likely to play it. But cutting four bars out of a Mumford & Sons track simply makes it a worse song. They wrote it that way for a reason!

For absolute proof, lsiten to the single version of David Bowie’s ‘”Heroes”’ (1977, RCA Records) – one of the greatest dramatic builds in popular music wrecked, like bits of the Sistine Chapel cut out and stuck together with blu-tack. Thank God The Stone Roses’ ‘I Am The Resurrection’ (1992, Silvertone) remained intact, otherwise the whole history of modern music could (probably would) have been different....

t ? Tell us a Obsessed almzone.net c www.the

n

amero Bodie C

HowBE... to reet a Stist Art

From large scale murals to small stickers, Street Art is everywhere.

One of the most important things about this art form is that it’s open to interpretation - where you fit in, or don’t, is down to your choosing.

Your ideas, your message, your image, they’re yours alone to make. The methods you employ to bring this to the streets are yours to decide on. You are in total control of your art.

The Street Art Scene can be a very secretive one, for obvious reasons, but there are always means of communicating with other artists and collectives, most have an online presence.

It is now a truly global phenomenon, with streets transformed into galleries in almost every major city in the world. Careers and fortunes are being made right now.

Street Art is constantly being tapped into by the mainstream/large corporations, it’s completely changed the way we experience art and is forever re-inventing itself. Excited?

These tips should get you started.

26 Reset January 2011

1. Be Original

There are a million Street Artists out there, many of them duplicating styles and techniques that have gone before them. Bring something unique to the art form.

2. Research

Look at the history, at how it progressed to where it is now, absorb all the influences, find new ones, condense all this and filter it.

KEEP A SKETCHBOOK / NOTEBOOK WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES! Any ideas and inspirations you get (no matter how small or strange) record them, write them down, they all happen for a reason and will play a part in what you create at some point.

3. Experiment

Experiment with techniques and methods, hone them, don’t pay any attention to any kind of “rules” when it comes to this stage or when you decide to execute your workthere are no rules, repeat, THERE ARE NO RULES!

4. Say Something

One thing Street Art is 100 percent effective at is direct communication, without censorship, without constraints. Make what you want communicated clear, make it count, make the viewer think. We all have an equal voice in this art form, speak up!

5. Know the Risks

There are both legal and illegal ways to produce Street Art. Know the risks – some young men and women are currently serving long prison sentences for Street Art, other young men and women are making millions of pounds from their work. Make informed decisions and know the consequences.

Bodie is from East Lancashire and has been an active Street Artist for some time. He currently runs live Street Art events across the UK and Europe and curates Street Art exhibitions. www.bestjoinedup.com

www.THECalmzone.net

27

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Enjoyed the snippet from Chris and Joe ’s American Adventur e? Want to read m ore?

Then you could ge t one of our signed copies of their book in, like, your hands and stu ff.

Head to www.miss ingparsons.com for more.

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Dear Dan le Sac us Scroobi Pip

Do youit way r

My girlfriend monopolises the remote control on a Saturday night. If I see an X-Factor contestant murder another classic I’m gonna scream. How can I make her see the light?

When I have sex I come a little bit too early for comfort (mine and my partners).

In the porn films they seem to be able to go on and on. Any suggestions for increasing my stamina?

Dan: Don’t try, fella. How about you let her watch X-Factor whilst you get on with something else? Think how much you can get done in an hour! Or sing along to drown out the contestants but that might make her turn it up.

Dan: It happens to everyone whether they admit it or not. First thing to remember is that porn is fake, suggesting it’s real is like suggesting Cheryl Cole can still sing. Anyway as for ways to last.....focus on something else, or masturbate regularly to decrease sensitivity, or use delay condoms which are proven to help in most cases. Try to please your partner during foreplay, if they climax first then you may find that the pressure is off and you can both enjoy yourselves without the worry.

Pip: Compromise. Afterwards you can always try and expose your girlfriend to said classics in the hope of helping her see the light.

I can never make my pay packet last, I’m always scratching around for cash come the end of the month. Any money saving tips?

Dan: Cash is a nightmare. My hairline can attest to the worry. Budget - work out how much you need for food / rent / travel / bills, then whatever is left should be liberally spread over the next 4 weeks for fun and maybe savings if you’re feeling particularly responsible.

Pip: When you get in the habit of cutting out unnecessary spends it becomes second nature and isn’t quite so hard! If I can get by when skint then it’s proof that I don’t NEED to spend so much when I do actually have money.

30 Reset January 2011

Pip: I can’t help here. Never had that problem.

(This is, of course, completely untrue but sometimes a change in mentality can help - if you’re worrying about it from first contact then that’s not going to help!) www.myspace.com/lesacvspip twitter.com/danlesac twitter.com/scroobiuspipyo

Got a problem that only Dan and Scroobius can solve? Or just wanna know what they’d say about it? Ask your question at... reset@thecalmzone.net

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