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THIS WEEK’S ISSUE 04 07
Calendar
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News Asexuals Rising
Sports A Rivalry 121 Years in the Making
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Article How Not to Kill Your Indoor Plants
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Sex with Timaree Dating as an Asexual
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Doing Good Mama, Get Up
Image: JR Blackwell
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BUZZED DRIVING IS DRUNK DRIVING
PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY | APRIL 14-21, 2022
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CALENDAR TABLE OF CONTENTS
A WEEK'S WORTH OF ADVENTURES A C R O S S P H I L LY ' S N E I G H B O R H O O D S BY LEN WEBB
Hello, Weekly Phillies – we got a recommendation for a great first date in Philadelphia… from out of town! K. Waldron of New York writes I had a lovely time at Nemi (Nemi Mexican Restaurant and Bar, 2636 E Ann St Philadelphia PA 19134). The restaurant was very nice, and intimate. I had a perfect Moscow Mule (I like a lot of ginger in mine) and the food was very tasty. I had the salmon ceviche; delicious. I forget what my date ate and didn’t care. He picked a perfect spot for us to talk, get to know one another. The mood was just right. We still go back there for drinks every now and then. It’s our spot. Thanks for sharing, K. Now - what about you, Philly? WHAT’S THE BEST PLACE FOR A FIRST DATE IN TOWN? And don’t forget the WHY? Email me len@philadelphiaweekly.com so I can get the word out there; I hear Bumble buzzing. APRIL 14-21, 2022 | PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY
PHILADELPHIAWEEKLY.COM @PHILLYWEEKLY
WED APRIL 13
Tezatalks
Powerhouse vocalist and songwriter TeZAtalks draws us into her world of life experiences through her redefining and genre-bending sound, leaving an unforgettable impression on anyone who is able to experience the singer's world in real-time. MØ TeZATalks; Wednesday, April 13, 8 PM; Union Transfer, 1026 Spring Garden Street, Philadelphia, PA 19123 MUSIC
Alt-J and Portugal. The Man With Special Guest Cherry Glazer
The combination of English indie/ rock trio Alt-J and Portland-byway-of-Alaska alt/psychedelic/ indie ensemble Portugal. the Man sounded like a solid pairing when their tour was announced in 2021 — and, according to Rock Cellar Magazine, the show is even better than anticipated. Well, all right, all right, all right! alt-J and Portugal. The Man With Special Guest Cherry Glazerr; Wednesday, April 13, 7 PM - 11 PM; The Mann Center, 5201 Parkside Ave, Philadelphia, PA CULTURE
Harry Potter: The Exhibition
This groundbreaking exhibition celebrates the iconic moments, characters, settings, and beasts of Harry Potter and the Wizarding World using best-in-class immersive design and technology. From the mysteries of Hogwarts castle to the glittering Gringotts – the exhibition will bring magic to life and reveal the artistry and craftsmanship behind the blockbuster films. * Okay - I
have a lot of Potterheads in my circle so I didn’t want to do a write-up on this Franklin Institute exhibit until I could check it out for myself. As usual, F.I., you do exhibits RIGHT - well done! Harry Potter: The Exhibition; Wednesday, April 13th thru Sunday, May 9th, All Day; The Franklin Institute; 222 N 20th St, Philadelphia, PA 19103
THUR APRIL 14
ARTS
Storygym
Take your storytelling skills to the next level! Join Alyssa Al-Dookhi, (Netflix & CNN) for StoryGym, the all-access monthly Facebook Live open mic & storytelling workshop presented by First Person Arts. Storytellers of all styles and levels of experience are invited to share a true story and receive one-on-one story coaching & feedback. Not
quite ready to share a personal narrative? Watch for FREE. StoryGym – Storytelling Open Mic and Workshop; Thursday, April 14, 8 PM - 9 PM, Visit https://www. firstpersonarts.org for registration/details. MUSIC
Jazz Jam With Omar's Hat
Omar’s Hat is a collective of musicians based out of Philadelphia who hosts latenight sessions featuring young local talent from across the city. Their background is in jazz, but their jam sessions often take their cues from Latin and progressive rock to neo-soul and gospel. Jazz Jam with Omar’s Hat; Thurs April 14, 9 PM - 11:30 PM; World Cafe Live, 3025 Walnut St., Philadelphia, PA 19104
CALENDAR
PHILADELPHIAWEEKLY.COM @PHILLYWEEKLY MUSIC
All Jawns Go To Heaven
Artists and Designers will go AWF at this unique curated spectacle at one of Philly’s favorite hangouts - TMOMS, baby! Catch a Runway Show by The Cool Girl Collective, featuring miss a Special Presentation by Hello Pepper World. Sounds provided by Brick Ashley, Pop-Ups by some of Philly’s Finest including Come On Strong, Gaudmother, and more. Drink, Shop, Meet the Artists and Tastemakers + have some tasty treats * Say this is true and I’ll renew my subscription to Christian Mingle right now!
The Crowd Pleasers; Friday, April 15, 9 PM - 1 AM; Bob & Barbara’s Lounge, 1509 South St., Philadelphia, PA 19146 GAMING
Valorant Lan Philadelphia
Nerd Street Gamers is hosting a 32-team, VALORANT LAN tournament running April 15th17th. This tournament is part of Summer Champs 2022 where qualification points towards the Finals and a $20,000 prize pot are up for grabs!
hard-to-find films starring a classic Japanese action star! * I wasn’t even trying, and I figured it out - I KNOW WHO IT IS! Exhumed Films From the Vaults; Friday, April 15, 7:30 PM; PhilaMOCA, 531 N 12th St, Philadelphia, PA 19123
SAT APRIL 16
MUSIC
MUSIC
Dromedaries
Dromedaries is “what?” you ask. Why, they’re a Philadelphia/ Ithaca/Brooklyn-based trio who share an approach to improvisation that is grounded in technical virtuosity, instrumental physicality, and a rigorous approach to form. Stated differently: they climb deep into their instruments and play hard to reward listeners for their time. Stated Philadelphia-ly: they pack this jawn!
Monster Jam Tour
Monster Jam® is an actionpacked motorsport with world-class athletes locked in intense competitions of speed and skill. Witness heated rivalries, high-flying stunts and fierce head-to-head battles for the Event Championship. Engineered to perfection, these 12,000-pound monster trucks push all limits in Freestyle, Skills and Racing competitions. Plus, at the Pit Party, get an insider’s look at how these trucks are built to stand up to the competition. This is full-throttle family fun.
Philadelphia, PA 19147
FRI APRIL 15
MUSIC
Amos Lee
MUSIC
The Crowd Pleasers
Back like they never left! The Crowd Pleasers! Rockin’ the house with their own brand of organ jazz and “liquor drinkin’ music”. *My crowd is pleased by any band playing ‘liquor drinkin’ music’.
Katt Williams: World War III Tour; Saturday, April 16; Doors 7 PM | Show Time 8 PM; The Liacouras Center at Temple University, 1776 North Broad Street, Philadelphia PA 19121 CULTURE
All Jawns Go To Heaven; Thurs April 14, 7 PM - 10 PM; Tattooed Mom, 530 South St,
Philly’s own Amos Lee has proven himself to be an immensely talented singer and songwriter, drawing from a mix of folk, soul, and jazz inspirations and maker of ‘funky stuff’. He began performing music during college and has been a huge hit with fans around the globe, including the Adele. WXPN Welcomes Amos Lee; Friday, April 15, 7:30 PM; The Met Philadelphia, 858 N Broad St., Philadelphia, PA 19130
Katt shares Pryor’s insight into the human condition and his vulnerability; the ability to laugh at himself even in the midst of reconciling with his personal demons. It’s a rare gift. I’m glad Katt is comfortable sharing his gift with all of us. Thank you, Mr. Williams, wherever you are. Oh you’ll be in Philly!
VALORANT LAN Philadelphia; Fri - Sun, April 15 - 17, 7:30 PM; Localhost, 401 N Broad St, Philadelphia, PA; Visit nerdstreet.com for registration CULTURE
Exhumed Films From The Vaults
Exhumed Films is back at PhilaMOCA with an ongoing monthly series of deep cuts from the archives! “Exhumed Films from the Vaults” will feature two very rarely shown films, both projected from 16mm, linked by a common theme, genre, subgenre, actor, director, etc. The titles of the movies will be kept secret till they unspool onscreen, with April’s edition showcasing
Gerald Veasley
Bassist Gerald Veasley’s musical odyssey has taken him to the top of the contemporary music world as a bassist, bandleader, composer, producer, educator, and curator. His performances have been top shelf, as his extensive body of work attests. Plus, he’s a native son so you know he’s gonna bring it! * Long time ago, I saw Gerald buying eggs at a supermarket. This was before organic, or locally farmed was a thing so no judgment. I bought the same ones. Jazz Bridge presents Gerald Veasley; Saturday, April 16, 1 PM - 3 PM; Jacobs Northwest, 7165 Germantown Ave
Dromedaries; Saturday, April 16, 8 PM - 10 PM; 2223.fish, 2223 East Dauphin Street, Philadelphia, PA 19125
Monster Jam Tour; Saturday, April 16, 8 PM - 10 PM; Lincoln Financial Field, 1 Lincoln Financial Field Way, Philadelphia, PA 19148
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SUN APRIL 17
MUSIC
Always...Patsy Cline
Patsy Cline’s soulful voice coming from the radio spoke to Louise Seger like none she had ever heard. On a special trip to see Patsy at a honky-tonk bar in Houston, Louise saw her idol sitting alone and approached her. Out of that chance meeting, an unlikely friendship began. In Always...Patsy Cline the two share their letters, visits, and homespun stories of laughter and heartache that brought together a housewife and a legendary country singer. * This sounds like a lovely way to spend an Easter Sunday afternoon. Always...Patsy Cline; Sunday, April 17, 2 PM, 7 PM; Walnut Street Theatre, 825 Walnut St Philadelphia, PA 19107
MON APRIL 18
MUSIC
Big Brass 4Tet at Central City Library
Big Brass 4tet is an ensemble formed for the 2018 Visit Philly – Summer Sounds Pop-Up concert series in Old City Philadelphia,
CULTURE
Katt Williams
I am a huge fan of comedy and (like many) my favorite comedian has always been the late Richard Pryor. Forget his feature films; you have to watch his three live concert albums to appreciate the man at the height of his powers. A lot of people see Eddie Murphy as the next step on the evolutionary chart of standup, but I think it’s Katt Williams. He and Murphy are both as unapologetic and unerring with their jabs as Pryor ever was, but
PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY | APRIL 14-21, 2022
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CALENDAR
MON APRIL 18
MUSIC
Big Brass 4Tet at Parkway Central Library
Big Brass 4tet is an ensemble formed for the 2018 Visit Philly – Summer Sounds Pop-Up concert series in Old City Philadelphia, each a composer who writes their own music as the leader of their own group. Experience this special group once again where it all started. Big Brass 4tet at Parkway Central Library; Monday, April 18, 7-8 PM; Parkway Central Library, 1901 Vine St., Philadelphia, PA 19103
TUE APRIL 19
CULTURE
The Poet's Pit: An Intimate Open Mic Experience
Voices In Power does it again, curating a second monthly series at a more intimate capacity, yet still with the same culture of 1st Saturday Experiences - family, generosity, love, encouragement, passion, and of course - poetry. Featured poet - Mya Fuentes. * Sounds like great first date material; intimate setting but still casual, food & drinks, and likely a lot of conversation-starters. Might be a nice spot to meet a first date, too. The Poet's Pit: An Intimate Open Mic Experience, presented by Voices in Power; Tuesday, April 19, 7 PM - 10 PM; Roxy Hall & Bistro, 6139 Ridge Avenue, Philadelphia, PA 19128 THEATRE
BalletX at Glen Foerd
PHILADELPHIAWEEKLY.COM @PHILLYWEEKLY Glen Foerd Mansion is a gorgeous hidden gem and historic site on the Delaware River located just minutes north of Center City Philadelphia and BalletX is bringing it alive once more with the launch of the Choreographic Incubator, a new initiative designed to offer emerging choreographers a platform for freedom and experimentation*, with new works by Nicole Caruana, Tommie-Waheed Evans, and Caili Quan. * Tenets of the best jazz, I do say. BalletX at Glen Foerd; Tues-Thurs, April 19-21, 7:30 PM - 9:30 PM; Glen Foerd, 5001 Grant Ave, Philadelphia, 19114
WED APRIL 20
MUSIC
Ben Sutin Celebrates John Blake Jr's 75th Birthday
Join violinist Ben Sutin, alongside Dave Posmontier (keys), Mike Boone (bass), and Anwar Marshall (drums), in a celebration of the late John Blake Jr., 75th birthday, and his continuing legacy as one of Philadelphia’s most acclaimed virtuosos. * I never got the chance to see violinist John Blake Jr. (1947-2014) in concert on his own (saw him with Grover Washington once; that was fun). This may be the closest I come to it. Jazz @ Fellowship Hall presents Ben Sutin; Wednesday, April 20, 7:30 PM - 9 PM; Ridge Avenue United Methodist Church, 7811 Ridge Avenue, Philadelphia, PA 19128 MUSIC
Lorde
Outrageously talented and refreshing (imho), Grammy award-winning singer/songwriter Lorde is in full illumination
APRIL 14-21, 2022 | PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY
on stage in North Philly, with opening act Remi Wolf. * Sunglasses are optional but I’m leaving mine home. Lorde: Solar Power Tour with Remi Wolf; Wednesday, April 20, 7:30 PM; The Met Philadelphia, 858 N. Broad St., Philadelphia, PA 19130
THU APRIL 21
MUSIC
The Golden Strip: Celebrating Philadelphia Jazz
Cecil B. Moore Avenue has an enduring legacy as The Golden Strip, known for its jazz venues dating back to the 1940s. Enjoy an in-person community event in front of the library that remembers and celebrates The Golden Strip with live music, activities, and light refreshments. The Golden Strip: Celebrating Philadelphia Jazz; Thursday,
April 21, 4 PM - 7 PM; Cecil B. Moore Library, 2320 Cecil B. Moore Avenue, Philadelphia, PA 19121 MUSIC
Dianne Reeves
Five-time Grammy winner Dianne Reeves is the preeminent jazz vocalist in the world and an incredible performer. I saw her once in New York, years ago. My mother’s favorite singer was Nancy Wilson, a graceful voice if ever there was one. I listened to Ms. Reeves that night and thought to myself “I’ve found my Nancy Wilson”. * Both women, my mom Beatrice Webb and Nancy Wilson, left us in 2018 so this will be an especially poignant night for me, to remember two phenomenal ladies while enjoying the gifts of another. Kimmel Campus Presents Dianne Reeves; Thursday, April 21, 8 PM - 9 PM; Miller Theater, 250 S Broad St., Philadelphia, PA 19102
SPORTS
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A Rivalry 121 Years In The Making BY KENNEDY ALLEN
Baseball season officially began in Philadelphia last weekend, but this was no ordinary opening for the Phillies. Last weekend brought a rivalry 121 years in the making, as the Oakland A’s - originally the Philadelphia Athletics - came to town for a three-game series. Don’t worry - you’re not the only one who didn’t know the A’s were from Philly. Few modern A’s fans know about their team’s Philadelphia origins, making the team’s social media tag #RootedInOakland positively laughable to anyone who knows the club’s full history. Barring their most recent visit back in 2017, the A’s haven’t been in Philadelphia since 1954 when the club was sold to Kansas City. Before then, the A’s were the dominant ball club in this city. Between winning nine pennants between 1902 and 1931, and five World Series Championships, the Philadelphia Athletics still hold the title of Philly’s Most Successful Sports Franchise, nearly 70 years after they’ve left. Always and forever a sports city, baseball was immensely popular in Philadelphia during the dawn of the sport. The Phillies are the oldest, onecity, one-team franchise in American sports history. While this seems like an awfully specific accolade, the distinction must be made as the A’s were among the first 12 professional ball clubs, beginning in 1869. Technically, the A’s even pre-date the National League itself, which officially began in 1876. When the team refused to go on a road trip later in 1877, the A’s were expelled from the National League, and Philadelphia went without a home team until the formation of the Philadelphia, well, Philadelphians in 1883. (Newspapers quickly shortened the team name to the Quakers to fit in headlines at first, but it was the nickname Phillies that ultimately stuck.) The first City Series between t he Philadelphia A’s and the Philadelphia Phillies took place on April 14, 1883, in front of a crowd of nearly 12,000 people. The Phillies ended up having an abysmally bad season that year (17-81) while the A’s took the American Association pennant with a stellar record of 66-32. Despite their drastically different seasons, the 1883 Phillies won the City Series that year, taking five games over the A’s. Newspapers of the time like The Philadelphia Press made sure to mention the “audible criticisms” from fans of both teams as players took the field for pre-game practice. Apparently, being loud and harsh is a long-standing part of the
Philly sports experience. The more things change… The Athletics and the then-American Association crumbled after the 1891 season, making way for the formation of the National League Phillies. The American League as we know it began later in 1901, and local sporting goods retailer Ben Shibe recruited catcher Cornelius McGillicuddy, aka Connie Mack, to manage the newly reborn Athletics. All of this sounds innocent enough, but Mack had a knack for scouting talent everywhere from sandlots to the dugouts of other teams, including the Phillies. With flames fully fanned, the City Series rivalry began anew in 1903. As the reigning 1902 A.L. champs, the A’s were expected to steamroll the Phillies. But just as they did 20 years prior, the underdog Phillies surprised fans and won the series overall. Both teams would go on to hit sporadic patches in their respective leagues from the late 1910s and early 1920s. While they were only considered exhibition games, the City Series was the only championship either team could win during that time. External influences can be attributed to these conditions, like the formation of the short-lived Federal League (1914-1915), as well as the U.S. joining World War I in 1917. Either way, the City Series remained a matter of local pride for baseball fans until the As were sold to Kansas City in 1954. The final game as intercity rivals took place on June 28, 1954, with the Phillies beating the Athletics 3-2. While the A’s may have had overall stronger seasons than their rivals, the Phillies ultimately proved to be more than a problem for their A.L. counterparts, winning 34 out of the 61 City Series games between 1929 and 1954. Despite their long individual histories, this is only the fifth regular season series between the two teams now that the A’s call Oakland home. The Phils first hosted their former rivals in 2003, winning the series 2 games to 1. The A’s took the 2005 series 2 games to 1, but in 2011 the Phillies took the series 2-1 again, and in 2017, the A’s took the series 2-1, resulting in a frustrating total of 6-6 over the span of those four series. Philadelphia was supposed to host the A’s in 2020, but the Coronavirus outbreak truncated the season, pushing the next meeting back to this year. In the beginning, Philadelphia was A’s country. The statistics - and any hardcore fans of baseball history - would argue that the wrong team left town. Last year, the 2021 A’s finished 3rd in the A.L. West with 86W-76L, while the Phillies completed their 2021 season in 2nd place in the N.L. East with 82W-80L. The Phillies won their first two games against the Oakland A’s last Friday and Saturday, losing their final game on Sunday, 4-1.
PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY | APRIL 14-21, 2022
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NEWS
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ASEXUALS RISING
WITH THIS EMERGING IDENTITY, PEOPLE ARE REALIZING THEY’RE NOT ALONE BUT PART OF A COMMUNITY Sex sells. That’s what they say anyway. The fact remains though that for a sizable portion of society, current research shows about 1.7 percent of all people based on self-identification, they’re not buying. Or, rather, they weren’t going to the store in the first place. They identify as asexual: people without much of a natural interest in sex or those who require deeply strong emotional connections to even consider going to bed with someone. In Philadelphia, there’s about 27,000 people who are asexual based on that 1.7 percent figure. Like all sexuality and identity questions, asexuality isn’t cut and dry, though: Despite not having an interest in sex, asexuals are just as likey to develop strong, intimate bonds with someone else. They also even sometimes have sex and enjoy it. If you’re perplexed by the seeming contradiction, that’s OK. You just haven’t talked with enough ace people – that’s shorthand for asexual – yet. While it seems new, researchers are calling it an “emerging identity,” asexuality is likely as old as our species but only now getting the kind of safe space and transparency in conversation to be a thing. That probably explains why a full 91 percent of self-identified asexuals in one study were under the age of 28. Speaking to the relative newness of asexuality in our ongoing social conversation, sex and gender researcher Dr. Esther D. Rosenblum explains, “Given that the majority of asexual respondents were young, we expect that the prevalence and understanding of asexuality will grow as more youth reach adolescence and become familiar with the idea.” For gays and lesbians, this idea should seem pretty familiar itself.
BY JOSH KRUGER
rites of passage most people experience – that first kiss, the anticipation and excitement over sex, the obnoxious obsession with sex people develop in adolescence that for some never really goes away – were absent. But a desire for connection, for intimacy, was always there. “I didn’t date in high school. I had a crush on the same guy for years,” Woolley remembers, “and was not really interested in anyone else and was perplexed about why my friends were so eager to have sex. I longed for a real connection but had zero interest in more than a snuggle and maybe a kiss.” It’s important to note that asexuals can have sexual interest or desire. It’s all about getting there, if someone ever even gets there, that differentiates asexual people. For them, especially a subset of asexuals called demisexuals, developing a strong emotional connection is literally the only route to physical manifestations of love. “The idea of that level of contact with someone I didn’t know at all,” explains Woolley, touching on casual hook ups and her identification as demiseuxal, “was repulsive at worst and unimaginable at best.” With asexuality, there’s a range of expressions, including demisexual as well as aromanticism. Those who identify as aromantic are exactly as their name literally spells out: they don’t have romantic feelings for anyone really. “Like with asexuality, an aromantic person may still choose to engage in romantic rela-
Rosenblum, with coauthors Evan A. Krueger, Krystal R. Kittle, and Ilan H. Meyer, worked on the 2019 study, “Asexual and Non-Asexual Respondents from a U.S. Population-Based Study of Sexual Minorities,” for the Williams Institute, a thinktank at the UCLA School of Law focused on data about sexual and gender minorities. The Williams Institute devotes itself to the idea that with scientifically rigorous data, lawmakers and others can draft and enact public policies that better support and affirm LGBTQ people. They’re the research group with one of the best methodologies for estimating the overall LGBTQ population in the United States, too. But, wait, are asexual people LGBTQ? If it’s mostly about one’s propensity away from the kind of physical acrobatics and antics many view as commonplace in adulthood, can’t asexual people be straight? The answer is yes – to both questions. More on that later. Heather Arlene Woolley was confused for several years across her adult life, including during her first marriage, until she realized there was a word for who she was. “When I was separated and then divorced [after college], a lot of my friends said that I’d have two years of random physical encounters before I ‘got it all out of my system,’” the 43-year-old South Jersey resident tells me. She spent a sizable chunk of her young adulthood attending graduate school at Temple University. “Twenty years later, I still didn’t feel that their approach fit with how I feel.” She describes a recognition early on that she was different from her peers. The common
APRIL 14-21, 2022 | PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY
tionship or not,” explains the Gay and Lesbian Association Against Defamation (GLAAD). “Many romantic people will enter into what are called ‘queer plantonic partnerships,’” says the LGBTQ advocacy group, explaining that people in queer platonic partnerships “may live together, have children, or even get married. Major life decisions are made jointly. The only real difference is that the relationships is platonic, rather than romantic.” In other words, your June and Ward Cleaver seeming next door neighbors could be in a queer platonic partnership, identify as straight, and almost never have sex – and they’re just as normal and healthy than anyone else on the block.
NEWS
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“There’s this automatic assumption that we’re all sexual beings, especially in the LGBTQ community, but it doesn’t always hold true,” adds Michael Galvan. The 31-yearold Northwest Philly resident is married and identifies as queer. This expectation of being a “sexual being” can add what Galvan refers to as pressure. “It’s kinda like being in middle school again and realizing you’re gay, you know? Like, here’s what society has deemed ‘normal’ and I don’t feel that,” they talk about their own their own process coming to identify as asexual. “And I’m afraid of the stigma if I’m like, ‘Yeah, I just in general don’t like sex or sexual activities.’” Galvan isn’t wrong. Within the LGBTQ community, there are regular debates about including asexual people – that’s really what the “A” stands for in LGBTQIA, it’s never ally (sorry straight people) – under the overall community grouping. “Asexuality tends to be misunderstood and under-discussed,” explains the BBC’s Jessica Klein. “Or, they diosmiss asexuality entirely. Common misconceptions about asexuality include that sexuality equates to celibacy (it doesn’t), or that it’s a choice (it’s an orientation).” Which other letter in LGBTQIA could you imagine such public discussions taking place over excluding without immediately triggering protests and boycotts – and rightfully so? Even coming from the right place, questioning whether someone “belongs” in the LGBTQ community seems sort of at odds with the very nature of that community. Still, much like “trans exclusionary radical feminists,” who claim that trans women are not women no matter what, those who question asexuality under the queer umbrella often insist that being a sexual or gender minority means enduring some degree of societal oppression. It’s possible, they argue, that a straight cisgender white man would play a part for special status, maybe. It sounds a little too elaborate for whatever few benefit sit garners. “Asexuality in many way is invisible and invisibility gives you this form of protection,” explains Angela Chen, an asexual activist and journalist, to Slate’s LGBTQ vertical Outward. “It feels like you don’t need to come out. It feels like if you’re on the street with your partner, many times, you are not going to be a target in the same way. In many ways, being asexual doesn’t reqiure feeling like you need to hide yourself in the way that has been the case for the other identities in the queer umbrella.” Yet, at its core, the LGBTQ community defines itself through its opposition to the majority, to its queerness as many writers and activists and advocates with lived experience have been self-identifying for decades now. In other words, it’s a place for all sexual and gender minorities. Under that definition, it’s clear that aseuxals would fit perfectly as an afailiate of the overall LGBTQ community. Younger people seemingly agree in unanimity. Michael Galvan, who also identifies as queer, agrees. “I’ve always viewed the LGBTQ+ community as a home for all indivdiuals who don’t see themselves represented in ‘traditional’ forms. With that in mind, I’d say, yes, the LGBTQ+ community has space for even straight ace people.” “I’ve realized that romantic attraction, intellectual attraction, and sexual attraction are different things,” Heather Woolley concludes. “For me as a demi, I need all three kinds of attraction and connection to have a sexual relationship with someone. On the flip side, I have had times in my life where I felt romantically and/or intellectual attracted to someone, so cuddling with them, or being physically close, felt good, but I didn’t want to jump in bed with them.” For his part, Michael Galvan insists that what we convey as “normal” in society can do a great deal of harm, especially to people who aren’t, well, normal. “When you think about love at first sight or whatever, to me that is purely based on physical attraction. So I would say that there’s a bit of a norm that emphasizes physical romance above romantic feelings.” And what about people still not understanding any of this? “People can sometimes view it as a phase,” Galvan laughs. “Like, ‘Oh, once you meet a person you’re attracted to, that’ll change,’ but it’s really not that simple.”
PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY | APRIL 14-21, 2022
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HOW NOT TO KILL YOUR INDOOR PLANTS Over the course of the pandemic, I feel like a lot of us developed new hobbies. Things to keep us distracted, joyful, and busy. A few of my friends got into building furniture, some started practicing photography or got really into knitting. Me? I took a stroll up to Greensgrow Farm in Fishtown one day and said, “behold, this is now my entire personality.” There’s something so spectacularly comforting about trying your best to encourage growth, in a time when things feel so paused. I made multiple trips while they were open and picked up plants and seeds from department stores when they closed for a spell (note: they are very much back in action and open!). I dug around in dirt in my yard, found wild and exciting planters to hang around my house, and experimented with all kinds of succulents and indoor
that I hope will help you out. Ask Yourself, Who is Out to Get My Plants? Listen, in the indoor plant game, some folks simply cannot be trusted. As you’re getting your space ready for splashes of green, consider… is your floor prepared for splashes of dirt, when your precious toddler decides that zebra plant is a prime target for their toy baseball? Is that gorgeous, hanging plant in a prime position to come crashing down, when Mittens, your cat, considers that basket a perfect sunbathing ledge? Selecting a location for your plants in your home, isn’t about where they will get the most sun… though that’s certainly important. It’s about considering how others will navigate them being in the space. Are your plants within reach, of those who are eager to destroy them? Is that potted plant near your door asking to be collided with, when your dog hurries in after a walk in the rain? Think about the people and animals around you on a daily basis, before choosing a location for your latest indoor plant. Bonus Tip: Make sure you’re considering what indoor plants might be poisonous to your pets too. You might be surprised to find out that a lot of indoor plants can really harm your furry friends. Will You Forget There is a Plant Here?
plants. Plants with big leaves and twisty vines, like pothos and philodendrons, plants that grew surprising tall, like ZZ (Zamioculcas zamiifolia) and snake plants. I even tried coffee plants, because why not. As I was already addicted to caffeine, and plants seemed to be the latest thing I was hooked on, combining the two just made sense. I watched as some stuff died pretty quickly. And outside, Philadelphia’s notorious chonky squirrels dug up various attempts at growing tomatoes, cucumbers, and the like. I feel like my frantic posts in the different Philadelphia plant Facebook groups were notorious for giving away stuff I had completely given up on. If one of you are seeing this, hey! It’s me! I’m still not great at this. But I’ve learned a thing or two though. So as the weather warms and you’re venturing out to collect some plants for your home, or even your yard, here are some bits of advice
APRIL 14-21, 2022 | PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY
We talked a bit about the importance of placement when it comes to other people / adorable pets. But what about placement when it comes to you? You can barely remember to eat leftovers in the fridge, how are you going to remember to water a plant you’ve placed in a room you never go into? I get it. A pothos full of lush vines will look AMAZING in a well-lit bathroom, and air plants look fantastic hanging in overly expensive brass containers on your home office desk. But when you’re done taking a shower or closing out your email, are you thinking, “Now, I’m going to take care of all my plants here” or are you just eager to dry off and start your day / log off and end your day? If you’re the kind of person who wants to hurry and move on to the next thing, you might end up with some very dead plants in the places that they were supposed to make more beautiful. If you’re gonna forget about the plant there, it shouldn’t go there. Buy Plant Care Tools You Want to Use:
Sure, you could water your plants using that old, chipped coffee mug you never really use… but that’s just it, isn’t it? You never use that mug. One thing that makes taking care of plants even more enjoyable and intuitive is, in my opinion, when you have tools you enjoy using. Such as: A pretty mister. A small, lovely watering
BY ERIC SMITH
Trimming back your indoor plants is important. Both for their health, and also for safety reasons in your home. A terribly long vine might get stepped on, sending a pot hurtling your way. A succulent that’s gotten too gangly might break and get devoured by a pet that could get sick. So, trim them back. And then, if the cuttings are healthy, think about propagating. This is slightly advanced plant parent behavior, but it’s so easy and so much fun, especially if you’re trading plants in your community. Depending on the plant, you can potentially grow an entire extra plant from a cutting. Where Should I Go to Get Plants? There are a lot of great plant boutiques all over Philadelphia, but here are a few of my favorites.
can. Grow lights that you want to turn on. Sheers that look like art. I quickly found myself drawn to about everything the folks at Modern Sprout make, but a quick trip to Greensgrow and Proper Goods in Fishtown offers up an absolute wealth of supplies you will want to use often, and even display in your home. Research, Research, Research: One of the earliest mistakes I made when jumping into trying to have houseplants and a proper garden… was just buying anything and assuming as long as I put it in dirt, it would be fine and good to go. It turns out, every plant is different and has varying needs. While some plants thrive if neglected (much like myself, a Scorpio), others need specific kinds of water. Some plants need significant light, others not so much. Taking the time to figure out the needs of the plants you’re considering purchasing, will prevent them from perishing because you gave them too much or too little water. It’ll let you know what kind of pots you should keep, what sort of soil you should plant them in. Research prepares you to take care of your little green friends. Trim Regularly, and Bonus, Learn to Propagate: Those plant care tools you took the time to carefully select? Don’t forget to use them.
STUMP: Found in Northern Liberties and University City, Stump not only has an impressive array of plants, but some really gorgeous planters. Urban Jungle: On Passyunk, Urban Jungle also offers landscaping services, and doesn’t just sell indoor plants, but tons of veggies and shrubs. As a bonus, stop by ILLExotics nearby, where you can check out plants and some very cute reptiles. Proper Goods: A newer shop in Fishtown, they boast a great selection of plants, as well as beautiful home goods and wellness items, from crystals to bundles of sage. City Planter: A huge shop in Northern Liberties where you can get anything from tiny succulents to huge, trough size planters. Sister Sunflower: Located in Chestnut Hill-not too far from Laurel Hill Cemeterythis lovely shop stocks plenty of succulents and beautiful planters. Cultivaire: In Brewerytown, this plant shop also offers up installations and showcases local art from Philadelphians… in addition to having a wildly good plant selection. And of course, there’s Greensgrow Farms in Fishtown and West Philadelphia. Both are open Thursday through Sunday, though I recommend following them on Instagram or signing up for their newsletter, to keep posted on closures, sales, and events. Now, there you have it. You’ve got some tips. You know where to find your plants. Now, don’t kill them.
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DATING AS AN Reader Question: I’ve been going through the same cycle every few years. I’m romantically attracted to men, I’ll go on a dating site or app. I’ll get excited about meeting them after chatting, and on most of the dates I’ve been on, I’ll be having a good time and feel like we’re connecting. But then everyone always wants to get physical after only one date. I’m never into it. After the first date or two, the kiss
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happened, I get more and more stressed about what I’m going to be expected to do. I’d fixate on it and can’t even relax, let alone be open to enjoying anything physical. And then I grow resentful about it, which I get is unfair on my part because I never said anything to indicate my feelings, and I break it off. I know I’m capable of physical attraction because I’ve felt it a few times, but unfortunately, it’s never been reciprocated, so I have no idea where something like that would lead. Or I’ve felt it reading romance novels. I also had a religious upbringing which messed with my head, so I don’t know how much is related to that. I’m not opposed to having sex, I just feel like I need a little time. I recently tried putting demisexual on my dating app profile. But it didn’t really help. I went on a date, and he still was coming after my face after only a couple of hours. I had four drinks and it still didn’t help me. I shut it down with some excuse because I can’t keep doing the same thing as in the past. I think the issue is I don’t know when or how to communicate about this. I feel weird about getting into too much detail on a profile without meeting someone first, because what if no one gives me a chance?
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ASEXUAL
A READER WANTS TO KNOW HOW TO MANAGE PHYSICALITY AS SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T WANT TO RUSH INTO SEX
That sounds incredibly difficult. It might be helpful to know, however, that you’re not alone. As a bisexual, I am abundantly familiar with the sensation of other people acting like they know better than you about your own orientation, so the last thing I want to do is project on you, whether it be a label or how you should live your life. That said, I believe that many insights can be gained from the ace (asexual) and aro (aromantic) community. While the mainstream allosexual (attracted to other people) population might have made you feel like you’re in need of fixing, the reality is that a small -but substantial and increasing- percent of the population identify as asexual. Within that category, there’s a variety of experiences, ranging from those who desire romantic relationships to those who do not (who may identify as aromantic). The asexual population includes those who have sexual desire in certain circumstances or once an emotional connection is fostered (they may use demisexual as a label) as well as those who have no sexual drive at all, or just not for other people. This list is far from exhaustive, because as many people as there are, there are unique experiences of desire. I sought advice from ace and aro folks about dating in the allosexual world and got a slew of great replies. “I've come to accept that as a demisexual and gray-romantic person I'll just be slightly confused forever, which is ok. That said, carefully choosing the people in my life was a critical step to happiness. I stopped believing the people who saw my sexual and romantic orientations as something to be fixed and started surrounding myself only with people who respect me enough to believe what I tell them and not push against my boundaries. It allowed me to exit fight or flight mode and heal enough that I could then think clearly about myself - my actual wants and needs, and the kind of relationships I'm interested in. Basically, I started thinking, what if heteronormative societal rules did not exist, what would make me happy? Leaving behind the mindset that romantic relationships are the most important type of relationship ever and genuinely exploring the variety of partnerships out there, is the best gift I could give myself. There are so many ways to have emotional and physical intimacy and life partnerships outside of the narrow heteronormative standard that is sold to us.” -H “I've long thought of myself as a failure and dysfunctional because I never put much effort into dating, even characterizing myself as a coward. The fact that I very much love romantic stories, love writing shipping, and have some sense of arousal about people being "sexy" (getting turned off as soon as it involves me or actual sex scenes) helped confuse the issue. One of my friends pointed out that feeling happy when people are feeling happy with each other is an entirely different thing… A romantic relationship is not necessarily deeper or more intense than friendship. I would really love to see people normalize the idea that friendship isn't just a consolation prize.” - T
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dates, but when I have to reassure them that I am not interested in sex ever, even if a relationship is formed, that is when the insults and threats take place…. If I had to give any piece of advice to any ace/aro that may read this: you do not have to compromise for ANYONE. People may try to convince you, threaten you, ghost you or anything along those lines, but as long as you are happy then that is all that matters. I wish I could say the right person will come along eventually, but I don't make any promises like that (especially because since I came out, I have yet to find my person). Surround yourself with people who love and care for you as you are.” -K “Give yourself space to grow, evolve, shift, and live in the nuance. For years I assumed I couldn’t be on the asexual spectrum because I have had sex, I will have sex again and I have a high sex drive. So, while I’ve suspected I was Ace, I just didn’t think by definition I was. Then I learned that Ace is on a spectrum and there are Graysexuals and even that is on a spectrum. Within “Gray,” I found language to understand myself.”- S “Aspecs [those on the asexual spectrum] can have relationships with anyone. We're not limited to being exclusively with other aspecs…. There always needs to be communication and establishing boundaries regardless of the relationship. With aros and aces, these need to be enforced firmer and clearer. I suggest keeping aro and ace resources on hand. The best advice I could give would be to understand your aro and/or ace identities first and go from there. If you decide you want a relationship, think about your boundaries and what you are and are not comfortable with. I honestly hate to say it, but you have to be prepared for harassment, ignorance, and rejection. You should not have to deal with anyone who is antagonizing you for being aspec. With the rejection, I'd rather see you be rejected for it than to end up with a person who may mistreat you for it. Never blame yourself for the reactions of others.” – M This advice is solid for any sexual orientation. First (and foremost), consider what you want and what you do not. Are you hoping for a specific relationship or kind of connection? Does that dynamic need to come within a romantic context? Identify your needs, wants and limitations to yourself so that you can communicate them to others. Anyone who is worth caring about will respect your boundaries, anyone who pushes past them has disqualified themselves from the pleasure of your company. There are a tiny number of dating apps for asexuals (not just on Bojack Horseman) but with apps there is less accountability. Dating is hard for almost everyone, but you are more likely to encounter respectful behavior if you meet someone through your existing social networks and shared activities instead. Best of luck to you!
“I am a polyamorous, demi-panromantic asexual, and people do not take well to about 99% of that. Even after explicitly laying out to people on dating apps (where my sexuality is in my bio) that in no way or form I am interested in pursuing anything sexual with them, they take it as a challenge. They assume I mean for the first few
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MAMA, GET UP BY: J.R. BLACKWELL
Welcome to Doing Good, Philadelphia Weekly’s nonprofit spotlight. Every week we’re introducing you to an organization that’s doing good in our community. Every nonprofit gets the same five questions, and every week you get to meet the organizations who are helping in their communities. This week we are introducing you to Mama, Get Up, a faith-based nonprofit founded by Ashley Clement. What is your mission? Our mission is to transform the lives of mothers through Christian community by providing mommy groups and resources that promote love, empowerment, and sisterhood. How have you made a difference? For the last 3 years, Mama, Get Up has served over 150 mothers through our local mommy groups, diaper drives, and worship services. Each of these programs has helped mothers - Gain strengthened relationships with Jesus Christ - Build healthy bonds with other mothers - Cultivate healthier mother and child bonds - Connect to local resources throughout Philadelphia - Combat diaper insecurity by providing diapers for those in need. Can you tell us a story about the work you do? An example of the work Mama, Get Up does is with one of our faithful members Candace. She has been a part of Mama, Get Up for over the last year. When she first came to our mommy brunch in 2021, she came in hopes of gaining community. Through that event, she expressed how much of a blessing it was and began to dive deep into our community. From there, she attended our mommy prayer groups, Bible studies, and even one of our diaper drives. Through her consistent growth throughout her time of being with us, she even hosted a morning prayer group with our mommy community via Facebook. Since then, she has grown in her relationship with Jesus, strengthened her relationship with her
husband and children, and has become a voice for local mothers connected with her. She has not only connected more mothers to our community but went on to further the vision of Mama, Get Up by spreading the hope of Jesus! What do you wish people knew about you? We want mothers to know that we are here to support them. We not only want you to mother well, but we want you to be YOU well. We want mothers to know that it is possible to live out your individual purpose and mother at the same time. Therefore, we want mothers to know that we only want to empower them with content and speakers that promote this duality. We also want mothers to know that we provide connections to our local resources throughout Philadelphia that will help aid in their needs. Our hope is that through these connections mothers will experience hope and peace as hardships become rectified. Lastly, we are the hands and feet of Jesus and look to provide for mothers naturally and spiritually. Therefore, we provide diaper drives in the communities of Germantown and North Philadelphia throughout the summertime. We do so to combat diaper insecurity in low-income communities in Philadelphia. Furthermore, we provide faith-based empowerment by providing monthly prayer and Bible study groups, and worship conferences. Our hopes through these efforts are to strengthen mothers' faith in Jesus Christ. Overall, we want mothers to know that they are loved, needed, empowered, and surrounded by sisterhood. Together as a community, we will empower mothers all over Philadelphia to keep getting UP! How can people get involved? You can get involved by donating financial donations/food donations to help aid in our bi-monthly mommy groups. We also need financial/ in-kind donations for our upcoming diaper drive on June 26th, 2022! Donations of diapers and wipes are most definitely needed! Lastly, we need volunteers for our upcoming diaper drive! For more information on donations, please contact Mama, Get Up at info@mama-getup.org.
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