RFD Issue 33 Winter 1983

$ 3.00

(Kourik/Jouml J’m

No. 33 Winter 1983

U.S. POSTAL SERVICE STATEMENT OF OWNERSHIP, MANAGEMENT, AND CIRCULATION (Required by 39 USC 3685): It is the Feast of St. Andrew with an overcast sky and a damp chill to the air as I sit here writing this.

I am alone now except for the reassuring company of ray puppy, Goldie.

As usual, this sudden calm and quiet following a rather hectic and frenetic two to three weeks of layout comes as something of a shock.

I suppose it is just the exaggeration of these extremes that makes the change seem so severe like black and white with no grey in between. At any rate, it is a time to sit back and reflect on what all has been going on and what kind of issue has evolved.

It will probably surprise many to learn that we often have almost no notion what an issue will be like until after the layout. We do try to plan certain things such as features and themes, but as often as not, we get things in at the last moment and events conspire to yeild something quite unpredicted.

I find this very healthy if a bit unnerving at times. As an instance, our plans for a feature on Self Suffiency completely fell through when the person suggesting it couldn’t garner help to do it, but material came in from Australia on a gathering downunder. We are still planning on a feature on Communities (urban and rural) for the next issue, but other than that, nothing else is planned. W« want to encourage folks to do a feature for several reasons. One is that the process is creative without being overwhelming. Another is that it affords a group to expose their area as an example of community effort.

It also enriches RFD with new insight and per­ spective. Think about it. Working together to create something in a group effort i* a rewarding and learning experience.

Just as there is a delicate balance between allowing everts to ’’flow” and directing energies for a purpose, so is there an equally delicate balance between stability and change.

As I look back on the past ten issues I have been directly involved with, I can see both change and stability. There are many chalenges we haven't solved yet, but in spite of our shortcomings we somehow manage to survive and (I think) grow and develop into a sort of maturity.

This issue will mark the midway point in our ninth year of con­ tinuous publication. That is quite remarkable - especially when one considers that there have been at least three different groups focalizing this effort over the past nine years. It began in Iowa and bounced from the west coast to the east something like an or­ phan or vagabond.

Perhaps "troubadour would be a nicer image, but I suspect the former one is more true to the facts. At least it has a home now.

Sneaking of Running Water, the stock transfer is still in process.

We do need a bit more capital to complete this and develoD the place as envisioned.

If anyone is interested in helping out this way, please write to us here.

Well, it’s time to get in a great bunch of wood for the winter.

We hope you will keep cozy and warm with many haDDy Downunder (summer) thoughts to help.

I’ll see you next in apple blossom

fifr y

,i"*'

ERRATA On page 39 of issue #32 a quote was mistakenly attributed to James Broughton that was from Robert Bly’s book "This Body is Made of Camohor and Gopherwood". Our apologies to both poets.

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DEPARTMENT EDITORS: Announcements: M. Waycaster, CA Articles: Kenneth Hale, MA Book Reviews: Woody Black, MT Bros. Behind Bars: L. Richardson ECN: Unicorn II, NY

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CSS: Travis Bacon, TX MS: Tom Doyle, CO FNW: Len Richardson, OR Contact Letters: G. Wilson, MN Fiction: Chip Moore, NC Gardening: Mark Senjamin, CA Gath, h Network: (open)

RFD (publication #073010-00) ispublished quarterly (four issues per year). Annual subscription price is $8.50.

The office of publication is at R t . 1 Box 127-E, Bakersville, NC 28705; The managing editor is Ron Lambe. RFD is owned

by Gay Community Social Servi­ ces, 513 32nd Av e ., Seattle, WA 98122. There are no bond holders, mortgagees, or other security holders. RFD is authorised to mail at special rates (Section 132.122, PSM) and the purpose, function, and non-profit status of this or­ ganization and the exempt sta­ tus for Federal Income tax purposes have not changed during the preceding 12 months.

Extent and nature of circula­ tion (average for each issue during prededing 12 months; actual number of single issue published nearest filing date).

Total copies printed (2125;2000) Sales through dealers and car­ riers, street vendors, and coun­ ter sales (545;488). Mail sub­ scriptions (686;756). Total paid dirculation (1231; 1244).

Free distributuion by mail, carrier, and other means in­ cluding samples, complimentary and other free copies (105; 115). Total distribution (1336; 1359). Copies not dis­ tributed: office use, left over, unaccounted, spoiled af­ ter printing (714;641). Returns from news agents (75;0). Total (2125;200). I certify that the statements made by me above are correct and complete to the best of ray knowledge. Ron Lambe, Managing Editor.

ISSN #0149-709X Non-profit tax exempt status under #23-7199134 as a func­ tion of Gay Community Social Services, 513 32nd Ave., Seattle WA 98122.

Member of COSMEP and CCLM.

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Health: Jerry Stamps, AR Homesteading: Jerry Noakes, TN Kitchen Queen: A1 Maupin, TN Poetry: Aurora Corona, LA Politics; Edwin Bridges, NC Profiles: Ron Whittom, MD Spirituality: Crit Goin, CA

A COUNTRY JOURNAL FOR GAY MFN FVERYWHFRt

CONTRIBUTORS: Alledres....5, 20, 56, 59, 64 Andron.... ..................6 John Asplund................ 9 Jim Bell................ 29-37 Birch Paul............. 10, 44 Ted Bohn................... 4 2 Jim Brewer................. 41 Michael Colby.............. 43 Mark E. Cook............... IS Demian...................... 4 DBNIxo.... 22 , 27 , 44 , 54 , 55 Tom Dolan.................. 62 Gill Duff ill............ 29-37 Faygele ben Miriam......... 55 Floating Eagle Feather.... 14 Foxy Wabbit............. ...20 Andrew Freeman............. 48 Steve Ginsburg............. 43 Grossmuttie................ 54 Michael Hampton............ 52 Larry Herrasen.............. 32 Steve Heselton......... 24, 26 Glenn Hopkins.............. 49 Jamal...................... 38 David Johnstone.........29-37 Jeff Kleinbard............. 46 Randy Krahn............ 43, 47 David Kwasigroh............ 11 Roger Lafontaine............ 3 Ed Large................ 29-37 Lawrence Lembo............. 48 Life....................... 15 Alejandro Lopez .. .15,16,37,57 Eugene Lucas,....

Ed Mead.......... .20 S. Mifsud........

James Moore......

Orchid John......

Nicholas Patricca.

Rick Paul........ .37 Raven............ .20 Len Richardson.18, 19, 42, 48 Rav Ross......... .41 Don Roy..........

Mark Senjaroin....

Saviz Shafaie....

Olga Sonofabitch..

Don Sunseri...... .Covers, 23 Jim Thomas.......

53 Nicolai Von Tonslmann. . .29 -37 Kevin Wells.......

Zv i..............

V inter (VoU,n>.2) T /A IB IL IE 0 IF 0 © IN IT IE IN T S ADVERTISING.........................................6-8, 56, 63~'>4 ANNOUNCEMENTS.................................................. 4 -5 ARTICLES............................. 6-8, 15-17, 22-28, 88-40, 62 "Local Publications" by Andron................................. 6 "Redwoods and Butterflies" by Tom Dolan..................... . .62 "The Story of ’F ’" by DENIxo........... ........... ...........

"Taboo on Tenderness" by Life..... ............................1' "The Universe is Our Home" by Nicholas Patricca.............. 88 BOOK REVIEWS............................................. 51 , 58- 4 "The Book of the Goddess" (Forfreedom) by Grossmuttie........ <4 "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain" (Edwards)by DFNIvo..54 "Gays Under the Cuban Revolution" (Young) by Faygele........... 55 "Harrowsraith" Magazine by Jim Thomas........ ................. 51 "My First Satyrnalia" (Rumaker) by DENIxo..................... 55 "Seeds of the Earth" (Mooney) by Jim Thomas...................58 BROTHERS BEHIND BARS......................................... 18-20 Editorial by Len Richardson.................................... 18 "Thoughts on Prison Rape" by Mark C o o k .........................10 CONTACT LETTERS.............................................. 56-61 FEATURE....................................................... 29-37 "Summer Dreams" Scrapbook by David Johnstone, Gill Duff ill, Ed Large, Jim Bell, Nicholai von Tonslmann........................ 20 FICTION................................... 14, 42-43, 46-47, 4 9 - M "The Adventures of Robin Hood" by Glenn Hopkins.............. 40 "The Faggot & the Car" by Ted Bohn............................ 42 "Om Shanti" by Floating Eagle Feather......................... 14 "Six Doors" by Jeff Kleinbard.........

46 GARDENING..................................................... 52-53 "Parsnips" by Michael Hampton.................................. 52 GATHERINGS AND NETWORK.......................................2 9-21 "The Bluffer’s Guide to Gatherings" by Foxy Wabbit & Olga Sonofabitch............ 20 HEALTH....................................................... 4 4-45 "Fasting: How To" by DENIxo.................................... 44 "Not By Bread Alone" by Birch Paul............................ 44 LETTERS TO RFD................................................. 2-3 POETR Y ............................................... 9 , 20 , 41, 4 8 "Beauty" by John Asplund............

0 "Before the Permafrost" by S. Mifsud.......................... 41 "Day Awakening" by Len Richardson.............................. 48 "Emma Lou Dodson Fables on Life" by Don R oy............. .....4 1 "From a Dancing Tribe" by Saviz Shafaie...................... ..9 "Impressions of Monroe" by Ed Mead........................... ..20 "I've Watched the Bleeding of My People" by Jim Brewer....... 41 "Kinves Into Water" by Z vi..................

41 "Pride Without Prejudice" by Freeman Andrew........... ........48 "This Unmerciful <\lall of Solitude" by Ray Ross................ 41 "To the Cowboy at the Triagle" by Kevin Wells.................. 9 SPIRITUALITY..........................................10-13, 26-28 "An I Ching Reading for RFD" by Birch Paul.................... 10 "Ritual and Community" by James Moore...... .......... ........ 26

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r I LOVE y o u :

AND

ISSUE #32,

Bob Wolff N .Y .C .

Dear RFD: A plea is made for an adherence to the deadline published for each issue.

In about every issue there are announcements of gatherings/ events that have either past or the date is so close that it is not practical for most men to try to make plans to attend.

Dpar Friends: Seems to be that I am your only roexican subscriber and I have been reading RFD for almost two years. Wish I could have e~ nough words in English to ex­ press you all that I feel when I read your magazine--enjoying almost every article of your different sections. Down here I belong to a small group by the name of "Nueva Batalla" and we have been fighting for a better image of gay people among mexican society. We had six years of great progress, but we are afraid that with the new government that starts next December the first we will get back to repression.

Will all good wishes,

Love and Peace, J.A.M. Mexico City

Edward Weber.Head Labadie Collection, University of Michigan

Dear Friends: I enjoyed the article on ocalists by Heart Singer very much.

I feel great enthusiasm for the singers he recommends--al1 im­ pelling artists who are really cultivated singers, not bellowers--and it is a real benefit to list the inexpensive records which enshrine their beauties.

Thanks again.

In the CONTACT LETTERS section there are usually a few letters where the writer has already left on a trip due to the late­ ness of an issue.

Ralph White Philadelphia, PA EDITOR’S NOTE: Our apologies; we do try. We wish to remind our readers that there are barely 2 of us c o ­ ordinating this effort, and we have had 5 different printers for the past 5 issues which causes all sorts of delays.

Please bear with us.

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Dear RFD People: "Banishment of Guilt"--all things I'm glad to have. And those are just the ones that stuck in my mind as I looked over the table of contents after reading through the issue.

(And I re­ solved to gather some Oswego Tea next summer.)

The Fall 1982 issue is beautiful as well as ex­ citing. A quick list of the things I like very much is almost the whole table of contents.

Everything was good. Woody Black’s review of Male Rape and the tie-in with Donny the Punk's message cought my particular attention.

I'm a gay Quaker male who finds myself with an intense interest in pain, submission, and service eroti­ cism.

I’d like to be in touch with the Donald Tucker, non-violence activist and anti-war de­ monstrator, who described his experience of dis­ covering himself as a punk in the Male Rape book.

Can you or Black or Donny (or some reader) tell me how to reach him?

In short: It's an issue that makes me glad I sat down with it when it came, that makes me glad I stayed in love with what RFD was trying to do even when issues would come by and nothing spoke particularly to my condition.

I know in my bones that you're going to get all kinds of flack for printing the invitation to the "High S/M Ritual" where homage could be of ­ fered "to the Moon, the God, the Goddess, and the Four Directions" and celebrating his Death (including "virtually total body shaving"), Birth ("male aspect will include my being fisted by my lover"; female aspect "will include pierc­ ing and ringing of my belly button. The Aspects of Knowledge and Service will be symbolised by the piercing and ringing of my nipples") and AllBeings Celebration in a sacred circle at the C a ­ tacombs on +he full moon.

GENERAL FEEDBACK ON PLUSEES: I copied out Glen Sheldon's "His Ph .D." and Don Roy's "There".

I want to tack them up and re-read them into me.

I enjoyed the whole discussion of "erotic" and particularly the conversation at the bottoms of the pages and Gary Kaupman's article. Bill M e nelly's love affair with a 1772 book and Pan Z's snail and cow stories; Max Clore’s "Signals", "Sexual Etliquette" and "Hot Action Harry"; the Wayne Sizemore, Bill Menelly, Calvin Owens, and Greg Caffey graphics (who did the border euros, butterflies, cocks, et al?) (Ed. note: RAVEN); the miscellaneous quotations (Alexander Lowen, Warhol, Franz Boaz, Guy Hocquengham, et al); the split porch post; the record lists of HeartSinger; Chris Beyer’s "Jonathan & David", Wain Vincent's "The Male Sex Machine", Sister Merry Media's

The neo-puritans' thought police may be after you, and you may soon be deluged with letters of protest and slandered in other publications. And I worry that RFD will then bow to warnings that those who want their sex and religion to be all sweetness and light will take their cookies home if such blasphemy brightens your pages again.

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For several months now, I've been unsuccessfully trying to find a way to write an article for RFD --to put into words the connection I feel between eroticism, pain, love, trust, submission, bondage, giving, taking, control, sex--and the AWE that can/should/may come in the veneration of the old gods and old rituals as we search for a translation/transmutation into our own time and space.

(My Quaker quest for Truth.)

I wanted to ask if my vision of Cuernunos or Pan has a place in RFD's pages along with the other visions of him--whichT have tended toward sweetness and light only, as contrasted with the hymn to Pan at the beginning of Aleister Crowley's Magick*. But my words come out as heavy-handed as my sex rituals come out insouciant and rebellious. The invitation that you reprinted was not only beautiful.

It gently touched so many important points! ...pot luck, soft dr inks ... sake...whatever con­ sensual trips people get into. The Catacombs is a fist-fucking and fantasy private club...seven slings, a gurney, a cross, a cage, waterbed, floor mats...Feel free to bring your own small toys and equipment including rope...Heavy consumption is discouraged since it makes it harder for people to communicate clearly and play safely with each other. By participating, you are contracting to check out/be checked out by other participants if there is any question about being in tune with the energy flow during the ritual...that people remove themselves from the sacred circle when they are feeling uncomfortable; disturbino the energy flow is non-consensual...Please make sure you are healthy before you come to the Ritual. We want to share good energy, not sexually transmitted conditions."

I have been looking for any other people who are working at putting together these various aspects --awe, pain, submission, cuddling, ecstasy, and the Great Work.

I really do recommend Piercinq Fans Quarterly (Gauntlet, 8720 Santa Monica Blvd., Los Angeles 90069) and Dungeonmaster (Desmodus, Box 6592, Chicago 60680). The central concern of each is with possibilities, safety, and tech­ nique. From time to time, however, a sense of the roagick of this universe (so much wider than any imagination) in which we find ourselves comes through the words--or the cover drawings by Bud, for example.

Purusha (Christopher) Larkin's Divine Androgyne is another very individual yet

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also insightful look at ecstasy. Drummer occa­ sionally prints fictions like those of Aaron Travis or the late Jason Klein that get past the slickness and into magick.

(Some people like or can put up with the slicks for the sake of the jewels occasionally found there and some can't and don't .)

I've beer, reading in Mitch Walker’s Visionary i recommend it to those who are not yet wrestling with Mitch's challenges.

I expect that I'll be learning more about the implications of Mitch's vision in RFD's pages.

I hope the dia­ logue in RFD isn't censored to include only the sweetness and light aspects.

(The S/M comments in Mitch's Men Loving Men were one of the things that first got roe to start looking at this part of myself.)

I know that RFD has been painfully pulled in two directions: gay-Mother-Barth-New news vs Fairy Circle news.

I certainly don't want to contribute to pulling it apart by adding another controversy.

I like the mixture of the two directions and their effects on each other.

But I want to add another direction to the tension because I don't know of any other journal that can attempt to handle Fairy s/m--and I think that's an important part of the Fairy conscious­ ness now coming together.

And I hope that Doug in San Francisco enjoys his pierced navel and Tree-Of-Life nipples as much as I cherish the nipple and navel done in Fort Wayne among friends now scattered and at a Place now decoroissioned.

I hope he isn't angry that the blacking out of the names on the invitation was not thorough enough to prevent identification of the artist by his unique gestures and noticing that his name fit the blacked-out spaces. Thank you, Doug, that it was shared with us who live out in the boonies and only get to fantasize about what might go on in the Blessed City.

To close, I repeat a quotation that's on the back cover of the current PFI quarterly: "Ah Love, could you and I with Fate conspire/To grasp this sorry Scheme of Things entire:/Would not we shatter it to bits, and then/Reroould it nearer to the Heart's Desirei"--Omar Khayyam.

Jan Suter 309 Navajo 43537

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musk

A nurabpr of g a y men from Boston and Durham, North Carolina are planning a folk music and dance wppkpnd for gay men, and we would like to hear from men in­ terested in participating. The weekend will most likely be held during the long weekend in Feb­ ruary (the 19th to 21st ). We plan to hold workshops in such things as Enalish country dance, contra dance, Morris dancing, Balkan song and dance, sea shanties, round singing, instru­ mental groups, etc. Location is not yet determined, but we hope it will be in the Philadelphia/New Jersey vicinity.

Contact Michael Cicone (114 Reed Street, Cambridge, MA 02140) or Carl Wittman (1810 Vale Street, Durham, NC 27703) if you're interested and want to be kept informed of the de ­ tails.

F.lliot Pilshaw and Lor in Sklamberg, two faeries from Los An­ geles, have released a cassette entitled "Bending the Rules."

The music is "mellow and folky, and the harmonies are fresh and swee t. " The tape includes original material, as well as songs by Holly Near, Richard Farina, and Donovan.

The topics range all the way from the plight of the lone faery in a contry/western gay bar to heal­ ing the earth, rrom loving your brothers beneath a solstice moon to supporting our sisters in the women's movement, from male love to heterosexual privelege. For cassettes ($8.00 payable to Elliot Pilshaw) and concert information, write: Elliot Pilshaw, P.0. Box 3172, Beverly Hills, California 90212 or call (213) 482-5858.

Good Fairy Productions is now offering by mail order record­ ings of gay male erforming artists. Records are only $7.95 post paid. For ordering information, write: Good Fairy Productions, Box 12188, Seattle, Washington 98102.

CIRCLE "Tales of the Songsmith" is a new album of pagan-inspired music by Jim Alan and firends from Circle of Madison, Wiscon­ sin. Included are songs on the Great Pyramids, King Arthur, shamanism, the meeting of Mother and Father Nature, and Wicca.

The record or cassette is avail­ able for $9.95 post paid from: Circle, Box 9013, Madison, Wisconsin 53715.

Come Out and Sing Together!

"Come Out and Sing Together'.” is the name selected for the first North American gay choral festival, which will be held in New York City in the Fall of 1983. The four-day event is tentatively scheduled for the week following Labor Day. More than 1000 singers from the 31 predominantly gay and lesbi­ an choruses all over the U.S. and Canada are expected to at­ tend. The first three evenings will each feature several cho­ ruses performing highlights of their concert repertoire. All of the participants will per­ form in two or three massed 4

choruses for the final evening.

The festival will present se­ veral world premiere works c o m ­ missioned expecially for the event. Come Out...'s tax-exempt status is pending, but contribu­ tions are being sought for the commissions and guest conduc­ tor's fees in particular. D o ­ nations should be sent to: Come Out and Sing Together’ ., 450 Broome Street, New York, NY 10013.

Nurturing News, "a quarterly forum for nurturing men", enters its fifth year of publi­ cation.

It is dedicated to presenting relevant information on nurturing men--straight and gay--and the Men's Movement in general. Volume IV (1982) ex­ amined men as single fathers, stepfathers, gay fathers, male teachers, househusbands, etc.

These issues are sti11 available for $7 post paid. Subscription rate is $7/year ($8 in Canada, $9 in Europe and Asia, air mail).

Write: Nurturing News, 187 Caselli Ave., San Francisco, California 94114.

Debra Chasnoff and Kim Klaus-ner are producing a film about lesbians who decide to have children after they've come out . This documentary film will provide specific informa­ tion on how women get pregnant, the legal ramifications, role models for lesbians considering becoming mothers, and furnish a context in which to think about the questions which arise.

They are looking for lesbians who have had children since coming out, are pregnant, or are seriously considering motherhood. All information

misc.

received will be confidential.

Contact: Debra Chasnoff and Kim Klausner, 46 Bay State Avenue #2, Somerville, MA 02144. ^ Good Money is a newsletter of "social investing and invent­ ing," which contains informa­ tion on "national and interna­ tional examples of successful social investing, new ways of raising capital and puttinq that capital to work to revi­ talize the social economy," and a variety of information on socially responsible companies.

Yearly subscriptions (six issues)«re $36, or $12 for people with low incomes. Write: The Center for E c o n o m ic Revitali­ zation, Box 363 (Calais Stage Road), Worcester, VT 05682.

Phallus Rising is a gay me n ’s pagan circle and publication in Chicago and would like to hear from any who would like to contribute ideas, thoughts, artwork, etc. They are planning a Yule Festival and a second issue on androgyny. For more information, write: Glenn Alan Fischer, 2333 N. Ashland #3-C, Chicago, Illinois 60614.

Giovanni’s Room the gay book store in Philadelphia, has come out with its Winter ('82’83) Catalogue of Gay M e n ’s Fiction. The 34-page catalogue lists all available books and is well organized with descrip­ tions of the books, etc. Write for more information to: Gio­ vanni’s Room, 1145 Pine Street, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19107.

Sequel is a1 supportive maga­ zine for socially or geograph­ ically isolated lesbians.

It is published every two months and contains articles, personal experiences, poems, correspon­ dence, and feminist and animal liberation information.

Sub­ scriptions are L4.50, or about US$9 per year. Contact: Sequel, B/M. London WC1N 3XX, England

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The National Gay Task Force has opened its toll-free CRISISLINE, a national tele­ phone number which will be used to compile nationwide statis­ tics on homophobic violence, and to provide callers with access to local hotlines and support services, and in some instances will provide limited referral information about A.I.D.S. hotlines and clinics.

Kevin Berrill, Violence Pro­ ject Coordinator, said, "Anti­ gay violence in America is in­ creasing. NGTF is using its resources and its rocognizability factor in the gay/lesbian community to provide a national hotline to put the overall picture of homophobic violence into focus."

The NGTF CRISISLINE is open weekdays from Noon to 6 p.m.

EST. The toll-free number is (800 ) 221-7044.

In New York State, call (212) 807-6016.

Short Mountain Farm Camp is for the children of lesbian and gay parents.

It is pro-feminist, non-separatist, and politically correct. What more could you ask for? A limited number of children, ages 7-15, will be welcome to join the residents, the chickens, and the goats for nine days at this mountain­ side sanctuary, June 10th to 19th. $200 will cover all costs. $50 non-refundable deposit will in­ sure a space for your child.

Work exchanges and financial arrangements may be made if necessary. The primitive faci­ lities do not allow for opening the camp to physically chal­ lenged children this year.

For more information, write: Short Mountain Sanctuary, R t . 1, Box 98 -A, Liberty, Ten­ nessee 37 095.-

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Women’s Resources Distribution Company’s 1983 Calendar, "Women Alone, Women Together, A Collection of Twentieth Century Women Photographers," portrays twelve striking images of women, on the theme of women in the landscape. The wall calendar measures 9" x 12", and includes the work of Gertrude Kaesebier, Dorothea bange, Judy Dater , and others. To order, send $6.95 to: WRDC, 623 Bainbridge Street, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19147.

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The Short Mountain Sanctuary (Strawberry?) Moon Fest, Bel­ tane Bash (Musicale?) and Cor­ porate Meeting will take place on April 23rd to May 1st. This will be "nine daze of moon, madness, music, majik and straw berries." For more information write: Short Mountain Sanctuary R t . 1, Box 98-A, Liberty, Tenn.

370 9 5.

Local

ARKANSAS GAY WRITES AGW is the official news­ letter of Arkansas Gay Rights, Inc. Membership in AGR is open to all persons. The membership annual dues are $5.

A3W is published each month.

For more information, write: AG R , Inc., PO Box 3115, Little Rock, AR 72203._______

Publications

Su Andiron Hpie is a list of gay journals which offer some local news and schedules of events and activities. This is by no means a com­ plete list, but it's the best I could glean from present sources.

I have tried to include those journals which, regardless of size, afford some local coverage. Generally, I have omitted those which are special interest such as religious, scientific, etc., and those of a primarily national or inter-state scope.

If you know of a small local networking publication not listed, please tell us about it. We believe these publications are very im­ portant to developing local support and a sense of community, and we want to keep it touch with these resources.

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VOICE OF THE GAY WEST Serving 10 counties with an es t i - ^ ated 200,000 gay women and men: Contra Costa, Napa, Solano, Yolo, Sacramento, Eldorado, Placer, Nevada, Stanislaus, San Juaquin.

Distributed monthly. ates upon reouest.

P. 0. Box 22402 Sammento. CA 95822

BE A PART OF YOUR COMMUNITY AND SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL RAG. ALABAMA Alabama Forum, PO Box 73062, Birminaham 35223 ALASKA Gay Alaska, Box 1581, Anchorage 99510

PATLAR GAZETTE

Advertising

(916) 446-2777 (916) 391-9765 ................69 (916) 452-0769

1 (Monthly)

(Quarterly) $7.50 yr.

ARIZONA Arizona Gay News, Box 5002, Tucson 75703 $15-6 mos.

Western Express, PO Box 32575, Phoenix 85064 (Bi-weekly) ARKANSAS ArkanT^T Gay Writes, PO Box 3115, Little Rock 72203

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w

The WeeffcfN Serves the 3 fo rid s Gdi) Community

(Monthly)

CALIFORNIA Compass Magazine, Box 1586, L.A. 90028 (Every 2 weeks) $15 y r .

Pink Triangle, Box 3416, L.A. 90028 (Monthly) $6 yr .

Update, 1041 N. Mansfield, L.A. 90038 (Bi-weekly) $25 yr.

Ten Percent, UCLA G&L Assn, 500 Kerckhoff Hall, 308 Westwood Plaza, L.A. 90024 $3-6 mos.

Update, PO Box 7762, San Diego 92107 (Bi-weekly) $23 y r .

Bay Area Reporter, 1528 15th St., S.F. 94103 (every 2 w ks) $15 yr.

Sentinel, 1042 Howard St., S.F. 94123 (Bi-weekly) $20 yr.

Lambda News, Box 26044, San Jose 95159 (Monthly) $7 yr.

Mom.7.Guess What, Box 8170, Sacramento 95818 (Monthly) $12 vr .

Patler Gazette, PO Box 22402, Sacramento 95818 (Monthly)

a B o o th s a 135-00 f i r s t class m all l a months a tM -OO second class m all

twn

T<0lN£T9thSlC(et,suite20 Aftemi, Jfarida 3313S

COLORADO Colorado Gay & Loshian News, PO Box 13467, Denver 80218 (Monthly) $15 yr. (Membership) The Scene, Box 18098, Denver 80218 (Bi-weekly) $18 yr .

WASHINGTON, D.C. Out Magazine, 1522 14th St. NW 20005 (Weekly) $20 yr .

Washington Blade, 930 F St. NW #315 20004 (Bi-weekly) $10 yr.

FLOR IDA The Weekly News, 901 NE 79th St. #20, Miami 33138 (Weekly) $15 yr .

GEORG IA Metropolitan Gazette, Box 13137, Atlanta 30324 (Weekly) HAWAII Both Sides Now, Box 5042, Kahului 96732 (Monthly) $5 yr.

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TLC

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To the Cowboy at the Triangle Hey, thanks!

Thanks for being reserved yet vibrantly sensual strong, gentle silent, alive I didn't want to come up for air ever! til you'd filled my mouth with that creamy alkali/saline flavour And then, our eyes locked, exchanged smiles, a warm hug oblivious to the crowd around us.

Oh! why didn't we exchange names, phone numbers?

Why did we drift apart in the crowded basement bar and seperately climb the stairs up out of the smoke and nitrite smog?

*

★

*

Cowboy, the next time we're together in Don's Alley --(though you may take the form of another person)-It won't be just another hot encounter, or a mouth full of hot stuff in the basement but together we'll go upstairs and out onto Broadway --where January winds can clear the amyl nitrite from our lungs-And together we'll get above Denver's smoggy brown cloud breathe deeply not the marijuana/semen/nitrite of Don's Alley but ponderosa pine blended with mountain starlight or the thin icy winds of the Alpine tundra (up by the 4,000 year old bristlecone pine!) or the fragrance of pine smoke mingled with the smell of side-pork frying in an Uncompahgre country morning, and w e ’ll toss a fistful 1 of coffee beans in a pot of boiling water. *

*

*

BEAUT Y The beauty of the day has touched my soul The ground obscured by snow, and the trees imprisoned in a crystallyne case of ice, which lay dormant now.

Holding the future of life for the spring.

And the air frozen floating crystals which reflect the light to a rainbow of colors, that tell us of flowers ano fields of summer.

And as the sun sets, the light fades

But for the minutes we did share together, Cowboy, thanks!

rrom tne sky, so the earth may slumber ©

to awaken in the spring.

1981, Kevin J. Wei Is

'is.

John Arthur Asplurid

FROM A DANCING TRIBE 'for Gay Pride, June, 1982)

by Saviz Shafaie (translated from the Persian with Ed Kinane) We two men can hold the sun in our hands With its heat in our veins Our bodies can sing the song of warmth.

When love is honest When trust is true We can moisten our hopes with fresh reveries.

How could I hide the meadow of my heart When so many wild flowers are budding?

How could I hide the sea of my passion When all my waves wash round you?

There is no time to fear each other There is no time to deny the pleasure It could rust in the closet of qualm.’

Let's bury the old torment Let our soil grow wild with our greening love.

How could I hide the rain of my eyes When clouds shadow the dream?

How could I stifle my limbs Stretching to caress the light?

Pristine sons of the earth We seek magic.

How could I shroud the fire Fueled with my smoldering blood?

Nomads We rove for joy in our bodies terrain.

There is no time to waste fire.

We should no longer fear love.

There is no time to waste ourselves.

We're from dancing tribes Which live to break the silence.

in my faith doubt is forbidden.

One should devour the reddest fruit.

We could pray with kissing lips We could worship with touching hands When the vision is honest We are loving idols.

Let our love ravage the caution Let it topple the rusted ramparts of 'morals' Let it pry open the locks of fear We’ll pillage entrenched convention We'll burn every useless thing And share the booty of rapture

9

A m 3 Cfiim

Rjiading

RFD

kj Btrcnfad

rather harsh words directed to us from another close group. Also, we had an editor to resign with some hard feelings. Taken together, this presented a rather difficult and ’’stormy" time for us here at Running Water. But, healing energies seem to be working -- at least we are feeling better about the events, and most of the others involved seem to be on the mend as well.

If anything, we feel that our "process" is now strengthened and clarified because of this difficult period. Of course, this is a rather literal interpretation of this reading, and I’m certain that with sufficient study (and the benefit of time) even more relevance will emerge from coming and current events. What an amazing vehicle this isl --Ron Lambe

Coordinating Editor's Notet when this article came in this fall, I was lit­ erally quite struck with its pertinence to the feelings and events we were experiencing at that t i rie . There was indeed thunder and shock which we were dealing with, so aside from offering a great deal of valuable information and insight 0,1 thr I Ching, this article also has a great deal of revelevance to RFD. Most of the turmoil and uncertainty we were experiencing then has in deed quietened now (Nov.) thankfully. However, in order to underscore the specific application the [ can have even in its rather general and some1 *,ime , vague language, I will relate here some of whnT we exoerienced this fall. First of all, we had o n e member of the collective leave T h e n , wr had a misunderstanding and some

The current resurgence of the ancient mantic arts of astrology, the Tarot, the 1^ Ching , and tea leaf readings, to name only a few, has reached a new stage in its evolution. For years many people used these sacred systems as mere games. Astrol­ ogy expecially found its largest following among people who wanted no more than to know the course of the future. Accordingly, most of the energy exerted on writing about and teaching the subject was directed at methods of for tune-telling. Com­ paratively little was heard about the use of prescience, and with good reason: most people did not really know why they wanted this know­ ledge. At its root is often dissatisfaction with with the present and despair that any change is possible.

If someone is indifferent to hir spouse, bored with hir work, and has that freefloating anxiety characteristic of having bought into the American Dream, he or she will of course be eager to hear that hir reward for penance done is just three weeks down the road. And the more unethical practitioners of oracular skills, or ones who are under the same illusions as their clients, reinforce this shallow (and ultimately

Before da •.) >nn morning in September I performed one of mv favorite meditations.

It is an unusual hi >nd ■b. still and the kinetic, the emptynind and the concentrated, sending and receiving.

The mod it vt ion was to consult the I_ Ch inq , or Book ot Changes or Transformations, the threenillen; i-n1 ( system of oracles from China.

My question wv- about the future of RFD, which is the main reason for writing this article.

1 used the yarrow stalks to consult the _I, where­ by forty-nine di i<■d stems of the common yarrow plant are manipulated in such a way as to yield a set of numbers, which is then translated into a glyph of six lines (which I call "kua", the Chinese word or symbol or sign). Some of the lines are yin and some yang; a yin line is broken in two, and is cal let! weak, dark, or yielding.

A yang line is unbroken and called strong, light, or firm. When the lines fall into place they form one of sixty-four kuas, each with its own descriptive name, and a judgment or oracle on the situation. These sixty-four kuas are considered to represent imagistically every possible circum­ stance, and the very act of consulting the ^ *It is not possible to discuss the structure or assures that one will draw the one kua that best theory of the I_ Ching here, and I only attempt describes the present situation A It is not a to give as much background as necessary to make relation of causality, but one of synchronicitv; my discussion of the oracle intelligible to Jung's definition is that synchronicity "takes someone unfamiliar with the _I. For a good intro­ the coincidence of events in space and time as duction to the Book of Charges, see Cary F. meaning something more than mere chance, namely, Baynes’ English version of Richard Wilhelm's a peculiar interdependence of objective events translation from the Chinese, The 1^ Ching among themselves as well as with the subjective (Princeton, 1967). But one need never inquire (psychic) states of the observer or observers." how the works in order to use it successfully; When we consult the _I, we plunge into a great as Jung writes in his foreword to this book, pool of the potential, and we never fail to emerge "The less one thinks about the theory of the 1^ holding the treasure we didn’t even know we ware Ching, the more soundly one sleeps." seeking.

10

have at least these indirect, but wholly faithful, messages from the universe.

bone-dry) application of the arts. What are at heart some of the oldest and'roost breath-taking attempts at rendering the laws of the cosmos in words and symbols become, sadly, mere toys used as props for the thought habits of impoverished and tottering societies.

Events have a pleasant way, however, of operat­ ing in cycles. Just as this is not the first time that the _I Ching has been put to ignominious use as a parlor game or courtly diversion (several ancient kings of China used it solely as a means of building their empires), so now the more hon­ est and profound uses of the book are enjoying a renaissance. Furthermore, ancient ways of work­ ing with the 1^ Ching and other systems are not merely resurfacing, but evolving into new methods and ideas unique to our age.

If we desire to know the future, then, it is be­ cause we wish to adapt ourselves to it and accept its course as ours. The work of crafting a life that is in harmony with the universe can only proceed it we know its rhythms. The person who ignores this fact is like the pianist who plays a waltz in 4 /4 time, and then wonders why every­ one has left the dance floor.

So it was in this spirit that I approached the _I Ching with my question: ’’How should RFD conduct itself?" I desired to know what fortune awaited RFD in the near future, and how those who care about the magazine could best meet the chang i no times, in order to ensure RFD’s continued growth.

I chose to personify RFD in order to avoid an awkward and possibly incomplete list like "RFD readers, contributors, editors, sunoorters, printers, newsagents...."

I wanted a holistic answer from the J_ Ching--an answer that would assume a synergetic "RFD community"--and T did not want to limit the possibility for participa­ tion in this transformation. In this way the oracle I drew can be taken to heart by anyone reading these words, meditated on, and acted on in whatever way she or he sees as being in har­ mony with the vicissitudes it indicates.

Our contribution to these ancient traditions has been, and is, to concentrate on their transforma­ tional possibilities.

Many people have come to regard astrology, numerology, the Tarot and the I Ching as valuable tools for living wiser lives.

By this I mean returning to the knowledge that reality is a personal and collective creation and that what we create we can also transform.

In­ tentional transformation can only happen when we are aware of the basic rhythms of the universe as manifested in our bodies and spirits. This es­ sentially intuitional faculty has been all but The oracle I received was Chen, The Arousing, or obliterated in most of us by our rationalistic Shock.

It consists of the symbol for thunder: culture, and that is why the oracular and niverse-descriptive sciences are so necessary for us. They are the results of observations, visions, sensations, and intuitions of the universe, re­ repeated twice: — • . ceived and set down in periods during which such experiences were trusted and therefore more pre­ valent. Until more people once again attain to this degree of receptivity, we are fortunate to Thunder is one of the eight basic three-lined kuas from thich the sixty-four six-lined kuas are constructed.

Most kuas, naturally, consist of a pair of different kuas, such as "fire" over "water", or "heaven" over "the lake". The eight kuas which are composed of doubled images are therefore pure forms of those particular component kuas, untempered manifestations of their power.

In such a case, before even considering what the oracle has to say, we can see that the situation should have the quality of directness about it - no matter what is to happen, it will at least be clear to those involved.

Knowledge is power, and this freedom from obscurity is a blessing; in fact the I Ching deems every single one of the double kuas (even water--"the abysmal"--over water) a success .

This is what the oracle says: SHOCK brings success.

Shock comes--oh, oh!

Laughing words--ha, ha!

The shock terrifies for a hundred miles, And he does not let fall the sacrificial spoon and chalice.

The image is of someone performing a sacred rite when suddenly there is an enormous shock as of thunder. Hir first reaction is to exclaim in fear. Then he or she laughs with joy. Although this person was momentarily affected by the rumble and noise, he or she returns to the ritual with renewed devotion and characteristic skill, per­ forming it flawlessly even as the shock waves travel far across the land. ., . cont m u e d

Fhoto by David Kwasigroh 11

is also the king (the kua for thunder is a symbol for the eldest son of a family, and therefore the ruler). His influence is felt "for a hundred miles" but at the same time he meticulously ex­ ecutes the ritual at hand. Although I prefer not to lend as much authority to the commentaries that originate in an era of male supremacy and the principle of interference rather than in­ fluence, there is a valuable insight here into the meaning of the oracle. The 1^ Ching is re­ minding us of the importance of maintaining such a balance between far-reaching goals or theories, and mundane attention to details. Either one can consume our interest and cause us to neglect the other. To keep them in equilibrium is a valuable skill.

The source of the shock is shown in the symbol­ ism of the lines of the kua. A strong yang line presses its way up against two yin lines.

Its vehemence arouses terror. The kua's literal meaning is thunder, but the image describes any situation where some irresistible force (the truth, Goddess/God, hunger, etc.) is manifesting itself within. Within what? The Chinese thought thunder came from beneath the earth.

If the image is interpreted for the human condition, the shock comes from the roots of the body, mind, or soul.

It is as if there has been a deepening of the person's self-knowledge: this could en­ compass the conscious realization of some person­ al trait that had been unperceived.

The first reaction to this disturbance, as often happens when we see a new truth, is terror. The interjection "oh" in Chinese is an ideograph that originally stood for a frightened tiger, and later a lizard running around erratically out of fear. Fear is not a negative reaction in this situation.

(It is one of the wisdons of the I Chinq that it does not pro-judge any attitude or emotion; rather it evaluates whether the emotion is appropriate for the situation. Times change, and with them their requirements.)

It is more like the shock of recognition.

A sudden revel­ ation of this sort can be unpleasant. For ex­ ample, if one sees that she or he has been following an inappropriate oath, there may be regret over lost time. Or if the realization is of a truth that had been hidden, there may be feelings of repentance or guilt at having been ignorant of it for so long.

One gains further insight into Chen by consider­ ing what are called the nuclear kuas, that is, the three-line kuas which are contained in the complete kua: the second through fourth lines, and the third through fifth lines, as shown in this diagram:

The lower nuclear kua in Chen is Ken, the moun­ tain, which signifies the quiet period to follow the thunderous disturbance.

It could also mean fleeing to the hills, or attaining a position of safety above any danger. And danger is present in the entire situation, for the upper nuclear kua is K'an, "the abysmal" or "danger". Here the I is being the cautious mother and reminding us that danger is latent in every effort. How­ ever, this does little to diminish the ultimate success denoted by Chen.

In fact, due caution will probably make the success more easily won.

As soon as the person recognizes that fear is a natural reaction to the shock, and that its cause is the presence of truth, she or he laughs with the joy of having escaped one more delusion.

This person is actually grateful for the fearful encounter, and gives credit to the frightful thunder in hir very laugh: the ideograph here translated by "ha" is an imitation of the sound of the thunder.

The j[ Ching supplies archetypal images, not specific advice. Those concerned with RFD should not expect an occurence which is literally consonant with that described in the oracle for Chen, but rather one which generally follows the pattern of an arousing force coming from within and causing a stir on a wider scale, and of re­ gaining one's composure after the disturbance.

The three psychological qualities that Chen re­ flects are stimulus, impulse, and volition-thunder, fear, and ritual, in the allegorical language of the oracle. Therefore the onus is on the individual(s ) involved, even when they are acting as a medium for some higher forces.

Ultimately it is their will to accept a new order that ensures success. The poet Robert Dyer, who has written a cycle of sixty-four poems on the I Chinq called Oracle of the Turtle, captures the psychological landscape in his poem on the kua Chen:

One of the later Chinese commentaries says that the first peal of thunder (the lower kua) repre­ sents the fear and trembling and the second (the upper kua) is the "shaping and exploring".

In between comes the laughter. The shock is likely to be a very strong one (it "terrifies for a hundred miles").

It will make one wary of pro­ ceeding as before, and will cause hir to continue looking within, arriving at a better sense of hir values, and transforming anything he or she de­ sires to. The ancient book says, "The superior man (a formula meaning the ideal person) sets his life in order and examines himself."

(For example, he or she may be looking for traces of doubt that the experience has been "valid".)

In the oracle the ritual goes on seemingly undis­ turbed because the one performing it has become stronger through this sequence of fear, joy, and self-scrutiny; inner seriousness is not sus­ ceptible to terrorizing.

She or he has a better sense of purpose and more clarity of vision.

"After laughing, one has a rule."

Thunder Drum is beating in my heart i fear the darkness there the dancing mask that wants to wear me mouth that wants to teach my mouth its song to dance the darkness mask of Song Mouth whispers Thunder Woman beat the drum One final aspect of the kua remains to be con­ sidered. When consulting the JI Chinq, one some­ times comes up with one or more lines of the oracle whose numerical value causes them to change from yang to yin or vice versa. These are called

Another later commentary written by someone with a more imperial bent offers a different inter­ pretation of the nature of the shock.

It eminates from the one who performs the ritual, who

12

changing lines, and they emphasize some aspect of the situation which is especially liable to change because of the tension that exists there.

There is an oracular text that corresponds to this changing line, and in addition one consults the oracle of the new kua that is formed when the line does change. This second kua con be inter­ preted variously: it may show the hidden poten­ tial of the original situation, or the result if the original situation is transcended, or the likely oucome (again, not necessarily in a causal sense) of the present.

With regard to a person it can show the subconscious, the wish, the second personality, or a number of other aspects.

In my consultation I received a changing line in the fourth place.

(One counts the places upward from the bottom.) The line is yang (strong) in the kua Chen but in my throw it emerged with a strong tendency to change into a yin (weak) line.

A slight imbalance or tension is latent in this case because the fourth position of a kua is naturally a yielding, receptive place (in the imperialist version it symbolizes a subordinate official at court), and here there is a strong line. The qualities of receptivity and accept­ ance would be ideal in this particular aspect of the situation, but instead we have the qualities of creativity and volition. The judgment on the line is notable for its brevity: "The shock is mired." It is an image of the thunder trying to emerge from the earth but being muffled by a dense bog. Or we may imagine the stimulus of the shock reaching the banks of our stream of con­ sciousness only to be swept back by the current of creative, outgoing energy, where it expects/ needs a receptive field for its influence. The idea of being ineffectual or immobile is supported by the fourth line's role in the two nuclear three-lined kuas: it is stuck in the middle (the verypit) of K'an, the abysmal, and at the motion­ less top of Ken, the mountain or "keeping still".

Therefore the oracle is advising us that we must beware of acting when we should be receiving ex­ ternal stimulus which will make the action mean­ ingful and productive.

When we accept this line on its new terms and look again at the entire kua, it has changed from Chen to Fu, "The Return: or "The Turning Point".

This oracle also is an auspicious one.

It depicts the time after the dark (yin) lines have pushed all the light (yang) lines upward and out of the kua, and then a new light line appears from b e ­ low. The time of darkness is ended.

This kua is strongly connected with the solstice month, December to January, the turning point of the year, and may indicate that the final devel­ opment ot the situa'ion with which the 1^ is con­ cerning itself will come to its culmination then; Perhaps the Winter issue of RFD will have an es­ pecially favorable receotion. The text of the oracle is: RETURN. Success.

Going out and coming in without error.

Friends come without blame.

To and fro goes the way.

On the seventh day comes return.

It furthers one to have somewhere to go.

The upper image of the kua is K'un, which symlzes devotion, This means that the movement 13

referred to will be carefully timed and in har­ mony with universal rhythms--it will be "without error". There will be unity with regard to be­ liefs and purpose ("friends come"), which is an improvement over the doubts and fears of Chen.

The cyclic is a strong image here ("to and fro goes the way"), and this indicates that the change is inevitable and proper, as the sevenday quarterly lunar cycle that the oracle refers to--there is no need to use artificial measures to hasten it along.

The Winter solstice is a traditional time of rest in China. The darkest time of the year has h«»f»n reached and the work of planning for Spring and Summer is about to begin.

In describing the composition of the kua, which has thunder within (below) the earth (as compared to the two rum­ bling thunder clashes of Chen), the _l says, "The kings of antiquity closed the passes at the time of the solstice.

Merchants and strangers did not go about, and the ruler did not travel through the provinces." So, while it may seem "backwards" to have the thunder causing such a stir in the first instance and then being in a position still deep beneath the earth, before breaking forth, it is quite favorable.

After the soul-searching and re-grouping of forces that occured under Chen, rest is essential. The p a ­ tient will be in delicate condition, with his Chi, or vital energy, still dormant or in an em­ bryonic stage, and to employ it too soon would be to risk destroying it. The recognition of limita­ tions is the key to success.

"Somewhere to go" is the Ching1s way of saying that it is good to undertake something, but it must be a project which is not over-ambitious.

A rather obscure commentary on Fu says, "RETURN is small, yet different from external thinqs.

Return leads to self knowledge." This refers to the faint nature of the light compared to all of the dark energy, and the chance that it will not be trusted because of its dim flame. But it is a spiritual time ("different from external things"), and the flame will grow and illuminate the self more clearly than before. .oth Chen and Fu, then, emphasize an improved knowledge of the self--of its motives, its needs, its capabilities. The first phase of the process will be more in the nature of a rude awakening.

The second will be a slowly executed weaving, using more delicate threads of awareness.

What I have done is to expand on the rather cryp­ tic texts of the oracles, and refrain from exten­ sive application of them to RFD. I have delib­ erately avoided a prescriptive stance in my comments out of a belief that to prescribe is to limit. The 1^ Ching is a suggestive, rather than explicit system.

It will point the way to possible developments and courses of action, but it will not place artificial limits on the Poten­ tial. The Book is a gentle mistress, who gives no answers but rather helps us see deep into our questions. m

cnn •s k a + iU h . *o c c M v -o A v L 'c rw i-b e a r- s c c l a story by Floating Eagle? Feather God's peace, calm ana cooling, freeing and fool­ ing the world as usual, ahover above tne planet sees new stars showing above and says it is time for a rest. God's peace takes the form of the ocean, and rolls up in ocean's bed, with a cloud cover for privacy. Now, the ocean has good rea­ son to twinkle and rejoice, silently, as this visitor invades, imbues inhabits--how exactly to describe the way God's oeace moves in?--ocean with its calm light. Om Shantih Ocean salutations to beach are new ocean flowers, blossomed spon­ taneously from Divine peace.

Owl Bear, Blackfoot chieftain, tall and tender, brave and lonely, has lost his love, the chief of the Snake tribe, when the moon grabbed the sea and pul led it over the Snake chief's canoe. The ocean calls Owl Bear silently.

"When you went forth with your people, and for months were gone, I knew you still loved me, and could be happy in this. When you held me a m o­ ment before leaving to do your duties as chief of your own tribe, I knew I also had to do mine.

Now, with us separated by this new distance, the distance between life and emptied body shell, I know not how to show my love--nor where to let it go, how to direct it. Where are you, how do I love you, now? Send me some showing of what I can do for you. Acts of loving kindness sprang uncalled from ray heart for you, and I could act upon them. A flower for your hut, a new dance for your braves to watch my tribe perform, a caress as we parthd to do our work. Now, how do these go to you? Where does the lightning bug's flash go between flashes? Where do my cries of woe go when my lips are again closed? Does part of me walk in the Great Mystery in a new way, since you had part of me in you? Does Part of you still walk to and fro among the beauties of the earth since you are part of me? Is this how we cheat the emptied body? Is this how we hold hands across the invisible wall between the liv­ ing and dead?"

The ocean awakens to Owl Bear's calls, and ocean peace feels moved to remove at least some of the confusion. A shimmering of snake scales whirls through the ocean depths, and washes ashore at Owl Bear's feet.

Right now, my medicine bundle opens to show puri­ fying quartz, and mysterious obsidian. Clear and dark are side by side.

I have wrapped them in these scales that drifted to my feet. Now, they will speak. Talking Goddess, I brush this hawk feather across the stones. Goddess of Mystery, I shake my eagle feather that you gave me above the scales and stones. Benevolent Everywhere Goddess, I sprinkle tobacco and cedar in four directions--holy tobacco and sacred cedar in your four great directions.

Sweetgrass smoke I give you. Now tell me, tell me what these scales can mean to m e .

Stones talk slowly and silently. Listen to us carefully. We do not talk loudly unless we spew out of the volcano to say our mother is b e ­

ing mistreated. We do not talk quickly unless you would have a garbled message. We do not speak in tongues or language--we speak with images which your clear mind and pure heart alone can unravel.

The top of a mountain, and you gaze below upon many islands and canals. Mist lifts from a forest--a squirrel hides a nut and forgets it.

The forgotten nut sprouts and becomes a tree.

A Bear leans against the tree, licking honey from its paws. The Bear's skull is at the base of the tree. Owl perches on the skull and swims away through the night as a feather falls from Owl's tail and behind the skull. A squirrel has made its home in the skull. A nut falls from the tree and the Bear's spirit laughs to see the squirrel run from its skull to hide the nut.

And then forget it. A medicine bundle is tied with a string that unravels to become a mist above the mountain.

Owl Bear awakens beside the ocean. He smiles and scatters a few of the scales of the seasnake on a handcup of water from the sea. This he drinks.

When Owl Bear returns to his village, the people see he has had a medicine dream. They ask him if he has anything to say in their minds and hearts, for it is not proper for any but the very wisest to ask, and then, only if their dreams ask them to do so.

Old Fox Woman approaches Owl Bear. "My fox smiles at your be a r, and throws it an old fish tail." Owl Bear knows this means, "How do you dream?" His response to h e r is loud for all the village to hear, "I went away u u m nere sad over a seed fallen into the ground--it blossoms now within me--and I am now to be called Owl Bear Sea." God's peace, powerful and beautiful, dancing and tripping through the denizens of the sea, its lovers, finds a coral frond with coolness waving through its fibers. God's peace tickles around the fibers and then swirls upon the next wave to return to its work on dryer denser

TrBQQ DIU nr Pnlifiql Untnitmenj nf Nnfrl/iolttii V x OffehAete defined as causing me to behave in a socially un­ acceptable manner. Because this is not a prison, but a treatment center, the time I spend here is determined by my cooperation and my readiness for release to outpatient thereapy. Most of this has to do with time, but we are led to believe that we have full control over our release. This very process involves coercion, manipulation and sub­ jective judgement on the part of the authorities here.

I am presenting this paper in a very subjective manner. Many will assert that a more objective approach would be more informative but I wish to do more than inform.

I hope to motivate you, the reader, to action. Just what couse of action is up to you, since I realize that your needs and values may differ from my own. Your judgement may stimulate you to different approaches.

In that I am a victim of this system and have ex­ perienced control from without, this is a very subjective experience for m e , hence the subjective approach.

I emphasize approach, and want to distinguish it from attack, avoidance, or postponement. To at­ tack the problem would only encourage dissent among ourselves and a defensive stand on the part of our adversaries.

Avoidance is what I consider one of the outstanding features of the problem, and postponement is what I am experienc­ ing as I am prevented from going on with my life's endeavors because I am locked up under the guise of being treated for a mental condition.

Some time ago I was committed to the State Denartment of Health under the provisions of the Cali­ fornia Welfare and Institutions Code, which e n­ ables the court to dispose of my case temporarily by putting roe in the care of others who profess that I am a mentally disordered sex offender as defined by section 6300-*-: "Any person who by reason of mental defect, disease, or disorder, is predisposed to the commission of sexual offenses to such a degree that he is dangerous to the health and safety of others."

This bureaucratic label was imposed upon roe with no other evidence than a statement drawn from a minor male after he was in custody for hours and ny own admission that I had engaged in sexual activity with him.

It was not necessary for the court or the psychiatrists who examined me to prove that I was dangerous nor can the status of my 'predisposition' be challenged.

It was not even necessary to prove that I had done harm to the minor.

It was enough to say that he was b e ­ ing 'treated' by a mental health agency. Doctors for the State nave the authority to predict that my future behavior is likely to be the same as it was before my arrest and, based on prevailing opinion, that all early experiences of minors with sex are psychologically damaging, and trau­ matic (although many noted physicians assert that few are at all harmful). They have a legal right to say that I have a propensity toward dangerous behavior. With this entered into, the court re­ cords I was duly committed to a State Hospital for treatment of the disorder which is vaguely

Before the proceedings were adjourned2 , I was given a 'choice' by my attorney* either plead guilty and be diagnosed as 'treatable' in which case I would be committing myself to six months of evaluation and treatment, or let a judge or jury sentence me in which case I could be facing up to 31 years in prison (if found guilty on all counts, several of which were fabricated . Because of the stories I had heard about prison, and on the advice of my counsel, I chose the former . I made this decision under psychological pressure.

I was understandably anxious and this was inter­ preted by the psychiatrists as a symptom of my 'disorder'. The six months’ turned into nine, and then eighteen, and I was soon told that I would not be leaving here until the court received a recommendation for me to leave. This has led to over two years of oppression - by psychiatric technicians earning hours toward degrees or train­ ing for licenses or just getting a kick out of controlling a ward full of patients. Very few are genuinely interested in our welfare.

/

^

'K

if *

'Welfare and Institutions Code 6302(c): "When a person is convicted of a sex offense involving a child under 14...and it is a felony, the court shall adjourn the proceeding or suspend the sen­ tence as the case may be and shall certify the person for hearing and examination..to determine whether the person is a mentally disordered sex offender within the meaning of this article."

ivision 6, Part 2, Chapter 2, Article 1.

15

confiscated because it_included a conception of children, as individuals that should have control over their own bodies.

The oppression started on the bus to county jail where a deputy stood up before some two hundred men to whom I was chained and proceeded to stir their emotions against 'child molesters'. Then, in county jail I was called aside by a deputy who aked what I was there for, and then told me that under any other circumstances he would do me bodily harm because he detested deviants. The psychological pressure continued in the hospital.

The first patients I saw were so medicated that they did not know who or where they were.

After being escorted to what would be my home for some time and going through the standard proced­ ure of clothing issue, linen issue, indoctrination, etc., I learned that unless I fit into their de­ finition of a mentally disordered sex offender I would be found 'unamenable* and sent to prison upon the hospital’s recommendation. Further, a system of granting privileges -la-Pavlov) is used to control our behavior.

In order to receive privileges, we attend groups run not by a psychiatrist or psychologist as we had been led to believe would be the case, but by technicians.

(In eighteen months at the hos­ pital I have been in group therapy with a psychologist for twenty weeks altogether and only with a psychiatrist for an admission interview and one review.)

In group therapy we are en­ couraged to confess our secret sins (mine was consensual sex) and a big deal is made to make one feel filthy. One counselor even used street lingo for effect in describing the penis and the process of oral copulation.

Peers are taught to use confrontational criticism mingled with positive strokes to build up the poor self esteem we each must have had to do the things we did. Any verbal expression however rude or disrespectful, is permissible in group provided that physical behavior is acceotable to the technician. Residents are encouraged to battle verbally with one another, and to ex­ ploit each other's weaknesses. The object is that if people poke at something long enough may­ be the individual will learn to cope with the problem in some way. When one individual was being threatened by another for a period of sev­ eral months and asked for intervention it was suggested by an employee that he might commit suicide to prevent the attack. This was to help, him deal with stress'.!

In the group process, interchanges occur only because everyone knows that they are being observed; they are often faked and strained and very dramatic. The coun­ selor pushes buttons of various members to repeat phrases which are part of a script laid out for improvement. Although the 'contingency guide­ lines' for privileges define behavior, often attitude (perceived or admitted) is used to bar progress to the next phase. There is little con­ sistency in this system, thus little motivation.

What we read is controlled. Until recently res­ idents were supervised as they opened packages.

Rumor has it that security, which is staffed by correctional personnel, will hereafter open them all and hold what we are not supposed to have.

Lockers are checked occasionally.

I know of one resident who had an article from Time magazine3 V i m p , June 12, 1982, p p . 10-11.

They attempt to control our bodily urges and psychological needs.

I was called into the office for holding and 'hanging onto' my adult lover although there was no reason to suspect that we had broken the rules and had sex. A climate of fear is created which is coercive.

I have feel­ ings, now and then a trace, a memory of primitive excitement which is cruelly eclipsed by the real­ ity of locked doors.

I realize I only exist super ficially as long as I am here and forgotten by the society, because I can only exist insofar as I belong to i t .

California legislators recently repealed the MDSO proceedings (see above), unable to find any va­ lidity in 'treatment', substituting prison terms instead. This punishment, providing that it is limited to doing time and no classes are allowed to develop, is more humane than the psychological violence imposed on an individual daily by author ies with 'greater than thou' attitudes, who hold us up to scrutiny and judge us by their values and expectations.

It is, however, still govern­ ment intervention.

I truly believe that the meek must be defended from the annoyances of the strong, but using as tools the arousing of public disgust (and term­ inology which incorporates preconceptions of the motivations behind my behavior) over 'exploitation* and 'manipulation' of the young is what I consider oppression.

I consider it oppression to be diag­ nosed (by State employees) as 'mentally disordered' only on the basis of my anxiety over other peoples' opinion of a y behavior. F^r some, "...unconventional sex behavior is an accept-

16

ed part of their lives that provokes anxiety only to the extent that it arouses the con­ tempt and disapproval of others and the re­ taliation of society.

In such cases it is doubtful that the notion of ’character dis­ order' really applies."4

The latest in the list of inconsistencies is the fact that although the official rule still main­ tains that two residents will not have sex here (even though they be adults and consenting) now if they do, they can even talk in group about it providing that they speak as if it had happened to two other people.

It is this anxiety which I believe both I and the youth with whom I was involved experienced at the time we were confronted by suspecting authorities.

When the truth of our behavior was known, our anxiety was interpreted as homophobia--from two slightly different perspectives.

In the case of the youth, it was perceived by the authorities that our activities had made him feel 'like a homosexual' and that he was afterwards receiving psychiatric help which he needed as a result of what he had experienced.5 It is not even considered that following my example "fost­ ered his secret inclinations;...that which every­ thing tries to conceal and thwart, which is not permitted to appear in art or life; which, if it does appear, falls immediately under the axe of the Law and is exposed in the pillory of public disgrace, a butt for cheap jokes, insults, and almost universal contempt."® It is not considered that the youth has been e n ­ couraged to be heterosexual by the example of his parents and by the climate of the society in which he lives.

It is only when disapproved desires are awakened (if he displays a tendency towards homosexuality, for example) and the 'blame' can be put on someone else that 'influence' becomes an issue.

In my case, it is because of that influence (not the fact that my desires are homosexual) that I am seen as a threat. The first authority I spoke with at the hospital said I was there because it was believed that I wanted to 'turn all little boys into homosexuals.'

By the first review by staff I was told that my sickness was homophobiathe fear of being involved in homosexual relations.

(It is totally disregarded at this point that I had acknowledged desires for males since I was eight or nine years of age myself and that I had stated enjoyment of the act.)

I was told that although I said I liked gay acts I would have to state that I was gay before I got out.

In my mind, I thought this not too unreasonable, but I wondered what difference it made. Heterosexuals are known to have sex with boys and men also.

The process of granting and denying privileges i: regularly practiced here to control our behavior and to evoke reactions. These same staff member; spend hours playing card games with us (who are allegedly dangerous) and hold 'therapy groups' which involve discussing several times a week whatever 'problem' has been pointed out to us by thp staff.

Problems vary; excessive horseplay, accepting cigarettes or a coke from someone on another unit, being sensitive to criticism, verba and (rarely) physical altercations are just some which are added to the medical chart to justify the recommendation to the court that we be retain ed because we 'can still benefit from treatment.

4

~

~

------- — — ----- -—

Foundations o f. Abnormal Psycholoqv. probation re£S7t~-------------** Andre Gi d e , Cor ydon, p p .

d

.

410

17

Another resident who had not been able to contact his private attorney wrote to the public defend­ er's office to see about legal alternatives to staying here. The reply was that with the penal­ ties increasing for illegal sex there is no such thing as a sentence reduction and that even though inmates in prison get good-work time there is no such thing for residents of a State Hospital.

When this resident discussed this with the coun­ selors here, a new problem was added to the medi­ cal chart; "Inadequate resourses to reenter the community." Since the staff has maintained that each of us can expect to be here for our full sentence unless we make 'changes' (exactly what sort is not made clear) this report from the r>ublic defender's office simply added to the oporession.

I^certainly do not advocate escaping.

I do advo­ cate groups on the outside, however, who have the resources and knowledge of how to help someone obtain work, find social activities, etc. to put an end to this senseless red tape.

If any of us can walk into court and say that we have a place to stay (where there are no children), a job d o s sibility in the area and a support organization we have a darn good chance of receiving probation or parole. Most of the people I know here did nothing violent, and could probably be very pro­ ductive people out there. Think about it. ^

brothers behind bars Prisoners Against Rape, a prison selfhelp group at Lorton Prison, Virginia, is composed of a convicted rapist, other prisoners, and rape crisis center workers They have organized to eliminate rape both inside and outside the prison

EDITORIAL by Len Administrators of penal institutions in the United States refuse to acknowledge the increas­ ing incidences of male rape and violence in their facilities. They refer only to a few well documented cases.

FACT: FACT:

FACT:

FACT:

FACT: FACT:

Fairfax, VA

PRISON-ASHRAM PROJECT Rt. 1, Box 201-N Durham, N.C. 27705

22079

Rape Culture

male rape is used for prison control. rape is used to instigate fear and to recruit informers amongst orison pop­ ulations . prison administrations overlook the ex­ ploitation of weaker, more feminine male prisoners who are "turned-out housewives" to the dominant raachismos who rule prison populations. fair treatment and justice is a laugh in the overcrowded jails and prisons of this country, where 52% of the population are not even convicted felons, but only await­ ing trial. male rape is used for relief of boredom, frustration and anger. prison officials put "early releasers" with "hard timers" which provokes resent­ ment and usually leads to violence.

A Project of the

Hanuman Foundation

BULLDOZER the only vehicule for prison reform nils excelent Journal Is

written by North hmerlcan

A n a rc h is t B la c k D r a g o n

prisoners for other prisoners

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Order From: Red Lilly Distributors • P.O. Bo* 141 Woodbury. TN 37190 i Quarterly $5.00 per year

The male dominant culture which fosters aggress­ ions and violence is not about to acknowledge the pillaging of its own society.

It is not about to say that the disease of its own inhu­ manity is a product of the very social system which it knows to be the best.

t........ ..................

THE

The male dominant culture which our society pro­ motes is carried to its apex in our prisons and jails, where violent male aggression dominates under the condoning surveillance of exploitative guards and smiling administrators.

(Studies show that only 1 out of two prison guards has a high school education and 1 of 3 has any college education at all.)

.

BLACKHEART

COLLECTIVE P.O. BOX 1420. NEW YORK, N Y. 10027 Formerly and currently encarcerated gay m<*n of color and others are invited to submit poetry, stories, articles, graphics and photographs for publication in Blackheart 2: Prison Issue, a journal devoted to Third World men behind bars.

Male dominance and male aggression go hand in hand with the capitalistic climate. The competiveness for males having "to prove themselves" amongst their peers propagates the aggressive image. Our prison officials pretend that prison sexuality doesn't exist. They deny that rape and "turn-outs" are a function of every institu­ tion.

The exploitation of feminine, more weak­ er males must stop. The increasing amounts of rapes and male aggressive violence in our jails and prisons roust be brought out into the open so the authorities will recognize their presence.

The prison authorities must be pressured into acknowledging the increasing amounts of male rapes, so that they may cease. The atrocities which cause fear and paranoia among weak and vulnerable prisoners must end.

The Blackheart Collective is a union of Black gay men committed to using art as a vehicle for p o ­ litical awareness.

Blackhear t 1 & 2 are available free of charge to encarcera­ ted brothers and sis­ ters.

Please send submissions and requests to the above address. Do not send original manu­ scripts or artwork as material cannot be returned. All fu­ ture rights of sub­ mitted material are reserved to indi­ vidual authors and artists.

There has to be an end to the hierarchy of power by force and vilence which breeds so rampantly in the jails and prisons today. Through media coverage and public awareness institutional authorities can be pressured into changing their attitudes and securing individual rights and protecting the inmate from the violent aggressive society which he is ever so helpless in. ^ 18

African male, will not accept anyone as his so­ cial better, but often implies there are those who are class subordinate to this "man-ness".

Wymyn and children suffer the brunt of this at­ titude in many ways — rape, wife-beating, and child abuse are "priviledges" excercised by the African "man".

THOUGHTS ON PRISON RAPE by Mark E. Cook Leavenworth, KS The incidents of prisoner-on-prisoner rape in U.S. prisons have increased with the rise in prison populations, and it is evident that the number of such incidents perpetrated by African prisoners has also increased with the disportionate increase in African prisoners to prison populat ions.

When we get to the more specific issue of Africanon-White rapes in prison we can attribute it to obvious factors: (1) The increase in prison pop­ ulations; (2) the disportionate increase of African prisoners to White prisoners in relation to "free-world ratios"; (3) the unfettered Amer­ ican individualist-ethic; and (4) the African rage incited by a lifetime of social injustice fostered by White imperialism in the form of racism.

All rapes, African and non-African, are the di/rect product of historical European American so­ cial and economic ethic. It should not be dis­ counted that sexism also enters into male-on-male rapes, in that American males are taught by the culture that it is macho and correct to be aggress­ ive in sexual relationships. This is so when these relationships are consenting homosexual or heterosexual acts.

The contention that African-on-White rapes are acts of contempory African racism has not been clearly established by proponents of the argu­ ment. Racism is a system requiring a cultural belief founded on race supremacy and race super­ iority, generally established to maintain an eco­ nomic and social order. In that context it is difficult to discern an "African-racism" as the cause of the African-on-White rape acts.

SOCIAL CONSCIOUSNESS STIMULATES SOCIAL BEHAVIOR! Rape, whether homosexual or heterosexual or in­ terracial, is the exaggerated reflection of sex­ ist male dominance in sexual relationships, more often than not, manifests itself in agressive sexual behavior.

Sexism is a socially learned behavior and can be unlearned. The concept of male dominance must e sut>stituted with the concept of a classless sexual relationship.

Being »a man" to the African male is a classist attitude which means that he, the individual

19

In prison the African classist attitude can successfully rebel against the status of under­ class caused by the racist econ­ omic-social cul­ ture. Everyone who is not Afri­ can becomes "lower" than the African under­ class and there­ fore subject to the same abuse suffered by the African Wymyn, children and non-African w y myn.

In other words, neither racism nor sexism nor classism become dormant just because of the commanality of imprisonment.

I hope this explains both the White attitude of racism and the African attitude of classism through sexism.

Both problems are caused by social and economic classism in the U . S . White rape vict ims are a victim of their own cultural system. This same reasoning applies to the rape of wymyn who ac­ cept the class system of the U.S. In closing on this subject I want to point out to you that classism, whether racist or sexist, is the system that has oppressed us all for cenuries — it is reactionary. Liberation from the system requires fundamental changes in class b e ­ havior and attitude -- that is the basis of being a revolutionary. A rapist cannot call himself a revolutionary and must not be given any recognition of others supporting revolution.

Revolution by any means necessary requires e m ­ phatic rejection of rapist behavior from our midst. African prisoners need to understand that rape is a product of sexism, and sexism prohibits working class solidarity with wymyn and makes our struggle twice as d i f f i c u l t . ^

behind

brothers [)T)jpmu on} of

b'drs

flo/i/RO^

Looking out through a window divided by bars Into the moist nightness out to the stars

But however lovely the setting without justice or truth There's no compensation for life's lost youth

Wind driven rain clouds race by pell mell Masking the moon as it shines in the cell

If by miracle tomorrow i was suddenly released As long as there was a prison i would feel no peace.

As day-break emerges it exposes a view A fresh scented image a youth i once knew

10/22/82

G"—

There are smooth rolling hills surrounding Monroe With a myriad of trees dressed in Autumn's warm glowi The lawns of the prison so wet and so green And dotting the twilight early birds can be seen

®

A prisoner in Pennsylvania wrote me in response to a contact letter in the Summer issue. I lost his address while moving. Please write again and I will respond.

DOM GRAVES 338 Arch Street Bethlehem, Pennsylvania 18018

Dear Brothers Behind Bars & other s : Those of you due to be re­ leased in the spring or early summer of 1983 and who would be interested in a long or short visit on a wild, remote, forested, isolated mountain ranch, let me hear.

I can offer primitive ouarters in exchange for a little gener a 1 ranch work. NO drugs, no boozing, no auarrelling or fighting, and average clean­ liness, please.

lhe hurting of others is much like my own A burning desire a need to go home

1 am a Black male, 6'3" tall, 40 years of age, 265 lbs, like country life, T.V., jazz, nice people, nice things, and sports, and am Bisexual. Would like to correspond with Black prisoners or ot her s.

The beauty of clouds and of lush rolling hills Will compensate for some of imprisonment's ills

f^ivste lake for swimming, small beach and long dam for sunning. Also waterfall for standing under and pool for bathing. SAUNA and cold plunge.

35 mi. from Wheatland, Wyo., Mail Mon., Wed., and Fri. Wood heating stoves. Firepit for cooking. Spring water. Gar­ den, organic. Outside facili­ ties. Write:

Ernest B. Graham P.O. Box 600 Pacolet Mills, SC

R., Box 13, Rt 2, West Point, Nebr. 68788

The nice country setting is soon reduces to a shame As i look on the prison this place of such pain

2 9 373

$ )(£ >

p u ffe r}

ARRIVAL. Appear at the chosen spot, but be very qareful not to appear overeager.

Remember that this is a sacred place, so don't litter. Re­ frain from smoking in the garden.

Set up your tent, making sure that it does not clash with those around it, that is, providing you're not wearing it. Bring as many essentials as possible makeup, forty-three costume changes, two potted chrysanthemums (please keep chandeliers to a maximum of fourteen branches), along with sundry majikal supplies (love philtres, five bottles of A200, motion lotion, various herbs and spices, etc. You never know when you might want to ex ­ change recipes.)

GUIAL TO

fj-athBrings

ir$ ' i t x y

t^

HJH. 01ja Sowfabiith It appears that many persons are questioning how to be a "complete faerie" at gather­ ings. So that these persons may get the inside shit (phew:) and we all can have a review, we are providing this manual of politically correct de­ meanor .

CIRCLING. A fancy name for getting together and spreading verbal fertilizer, commonly called dishing. Where two or three are gathered to­ gether in his/her/its/our/their name(s) there I/you/her/she/it/us/it/they will be. We open and close and dance around, and that is where the fun is found.

(The Faerie Poetry League does not approve the previous sentence.)

20

CLEAN UP. Those compulsive enough will find plenty of opportunity in clean up. Blessed be theyl (This term is not employed by or applied to the activities of the Faerie Purity League.)

CONVERSTION. (Selected topics) I see your aura. Do you want a palm reading? Are you a scorpio? Wasn’t the last RFD too-too? Gee, I'd like to live on a commune.

You wanna fuck? I was watching you across the circle. My tent's the blue one in the orchard. Have you been up to see the garden? I just love your lily, where did they say the shitter was? Here, smoke this.

Uram...

EATING ETIQUETTE. While being first in the food line is important, leaving enough food for those following will earn you much respect, and a smaller waistline. Do not ask where the A-l sauce is. Not to worry, you're only here for a week­ end and there's a McDonald's close by. While Wedgewood is very pretty to look at, it is heavy to carry and it's difficult to clean the chips out of your pack (likewise Waterford).

Remember you are who/what you eat so, chacun a son gout.

ENTERTAINMENT. See the lady in red. Be your­ self, silly. Fall off the porch. Drop out of trees. Make out in the hammock. Crash the tower. Terrorize the local inhabitants. Wear your food. Speak Russian. Do Brunhilde's im­ personation of Parsifal....See also, RITUAL. FAIRIE. You know one when you see, feel, taste, touch, smell one (as often as possible).

Also known as--gay; male; queer; Uranian; queen; faggot; pansy; whatever "label" you personally feel comfortable with.

FOCD PREPARATION. Kitchen faeries are a joy and delight, winning momentary gratitude from gob­ blers. Not to worry though, for virtue is its own reward, and a faerie flies on his stomach.

There are excellent opportunities for culinary creativity, learning to cook on a woodstove or campfire, or escaping a troubling/interminable circle. Early to food preparation means some­ one else can do it later--sign up early.

HY3IENE, Don't put anything bigger than your elbow in your mouth.

It's friendly to announce cohabiting insects beforehand.

If you want to shower, take a number(s) (preferably at 2 am.) to the local stream. However, keep screams to a minimum as this tends to incite the local wildlife.

If you want hot water, bring your own.

Be gentle with your body--you'll be able to use it longer (auraculi, auracula... ). Vintage pits are one thing, galloping crud is another.

(The Faerie Purity League does not approve the pre­ vious sentence.)

INTRODUCTIONS. Introductions always move to the eft of the circle so be sure to sit on the left.

When introducting yourself, speak LOUDLY, giving name (whatever you are using), present residence, and always admit to being in the arts (singing, dancing, MASSAGE, ritual, etc.) but never adroit that you voted for Reagan (Nancy jokes are appro­ priate if you are so inclined). Always admit you want to learn sign, or, keep your hands in your pockets at all times. Be brief. Cute is good too, but only if you're sincere.

21

PECKING ORDER. When sitting in a circle around the campfire, never begin, but always wait until the resident shaman tells his first story (an excellent time for the pick-me-up cat nap that will be handy later ). If this is your second or more gathering, remember what it's like to be new--we're all still wet after all. if this is your first gathering, never you mind--everyone else is faking it too. Never admit that you do not know the popular faerie songs or do not sing, out instead use such popular expressions as: are we going to sing that one again?; the night air always affects my throat; T'm recovering from my last concert; I know that one but I sing it in Bulgarian. ...See also, CHICKEN COOP, you old biddie.

PROMISES, PROMISES. I promise I'll be back next year. I promise I'll write.

I'll pledge you my first born child.

I'll give you all my money.

I won't cum in your mouth.

I will never forget you, I will never forsake you. Let's fuck.

Meet you after the circle.

You get the costumes, you get the barn, we'll do a show and save the farm.

RELATING. (To local shaman) Don't.

Smile polite­ ly during pauses in pontification. Speak softly, listen well, this is wisdom from afar.

Ring his chimes.

(To pagans, Christians, botanists, school teachers, etc.) Ye gadst I'm about’ to be raped and sacrificed by the pagans, Christians, botanists, school teachers, etc.

(To royalty, visiting and otherwise) Remember that all of us-empresses, dowagers, queens, duennas, grand duchesses, countesses, Severin, instructettes, keepers of the sacred weed, etc.--are royal, so, if you scrape and bow it's merely for mutual curtseying.

(To sistren) A courteous "hail mary" will usually do, except in cases of extreme religious adoration.

(To the shawl) I'd wear it, but it doesn't match a thing I'm wearing.

How shawl doing, tee hee heet Ohl I feel the power, I feel the power l I'm overcum*. But it's dirty.

(Period) Don't. Relax. Enjoy. Cry. Smile. Snort. Oink.

Swish.

Plop. Flick.

Be sincere. Touch. Fart.

You know, like, be yourself.

RITUAL. One, two, ready, sing: See also, ENTERTAINMENT.

Hi ho, hi ho...

THINGS TO DO, ACTIVITIES, ETC. Avoid going to bed if at all possible. Find out who has extra space in their tent. Begin a hugging circle.

Put your hand discretely on a crotch. Try to find six faeries who want to do a sweat, and then explain what it i s . Do not sign up for break­ fast duty. Look lonely, hoping someone will come up to you, or barge into as many conversations as possible. Figure out whose gown you can borrow for a few hours.

You know.

SUMMARY. You may feel this list is not complete, but these may give you a start for your own ex­ plorations. And, afterall, the movement is building as we go. Love and kisses from the staff of the Outer Slobovian Charm School and All Night Yak Wash/Faerie Purity League/Faerie Poetry League.

P.S.

Wear your gardenias, heah?l?i

%>

ly after Christianity's inception, bureaucracy and power-worship became a focal-point--not Christ’s teaching, elements of which were deleted.

These other groups were alternatives to the pre­ dominant Christian lifestyle. Therefore, they were a threat to the Church's increasing its pow­ er-hold.

In fact, killings (in the name of Christ 1) began on a mass-scale from the 3rd cen­ tury onward to the 17th century.3 Under this pressure, the alternative cultures went underground. Teachings were fragmented and gradually lost. We see the Great Mother-worship tradition absorbed somewhat into Christianity itself4 and dispersed into smaller deities.

She ends up in one form as the Fates^ (from the Latin fatum meaning fate).

Dear Rpaders: Please rprapmber that this article is not carved in stone.

It is printed on paper.

You may: love it, hate it, frame it, burn it, compliment it, supplement it, edit or shred it'.

People following these alternative spiritualities were known to take drugs (alcoholic and hallucin­ ogenic ones), particularly during various rites (sexual and otherwise). Because of their record­ ed behaviour under the influence of drugs (not alwav.s known bv the recorders) and their very different lifestyle, we get some weird accounts Send us the results' of them being filled with spiritsb...enchanted.

N o w .. .

The old French verb faer (pronounced as fayb) meaning to enchant, forms the word faerie, as "Which *f'?," vnu ask. Well, now that I've got these peoples are referred to until the 15th 90?Z of you reading this, *f * is for faerie and it century.c Faeries, witches and heretics (the concerns our history and present ground-breaking three terms being used somewhat interchangeably movement. Who are the taeiies? Honey, you just haven't heard of the latest, hottest movement since until the 15th century), are hunted and tortured to 'confess' their property is confiscated (the the '60'si. (What is HE writing about?) First,I rich were accused first due to the wealth the roust start with the past: Who were the faeries? accusors stood to gainl) and they are burned on Certainly, they are a part of our historical lin­ bundles of sticks called faggots.c The admission eage as people not fitting into mainstream sex­ of 'sex crimes' (that is, any activity other than ual molds, culture and morals. Very fun and cool a procreative missionary position shot-in-thepeople at that, I would sayl dark) was usually forced.d Those who were 're­ deemed' and allowed to live (minus their posses­ From my research, the work 'faerie' (also spelled sions, of course) had to wear an arm-patch depict­ fairie, fairy) has a rich but muddled past.1 Un ­ ing a faggot (bundle of sticks). Faggot began to der Christianity (a masculine, patriarchal center be associated with the victims and eventually with od religion) and also before its time, there had Homosexual men. been a gre.at many spiritualities that were more feminine, matriarchal centered; however, usually During the 15th century, the medieval Christian not exclusively so, with goddess(es)-worship world turned the definition of faerie into that (Mother Earth, regenerative, female reproductive of imaginary spirit-beings.e Various papal de­ and sexual elements) and god(s)-worship (after­ crees allowed for some of the most tragic organ­ life, male reproductive and sexual elements). ized bloodbaths and pillaging in history. Only Religion and the body went hand in hand through the terms witch and heretic were leveled at people the ages , as these peoples were dependent upon as accusations, no longer faerie.

(Guilty until their bodies and their feelings/intuitions in proven innocent--not easy.) living harmoniously with Mother Nature.2 Short

Unacceptable records of what Jesus preached wer 1. To say the least'. For this history, I've relied 3. dropped many tiroes. In the 6th century, infor­ heavily on Witchcraft and the Gay Counter-Culture mation referring to reincarnation was deleted.

by Arthur Evans (a historical analysis from a non sexist, open-minded view--HIGHLY recommended read­ (See Reincarnation: The Phoenix Fire Mystery. ) Many of these other spiritualities had reincar­ ing).

(Drawing from bits and pieces too numer­ nation at their roots. They then became an even ous to mention, I’ve given some page references greater threat to Church domination. for the interested reader--alphabetically foot­ The Virgin Mary becomes the Mother of God. Mar noted ones are page references only.) Also, I'll 4. olatry--Mary-worship--is practiced (but frowned write now that etymologists disagree about the upon by the Church). Evans, p.48. origin of faerie--an unlikely root being from the Three to seven (depending upon time and locatio Persian per i , a spirit-being similar to the famed 5 .

Sister Goddesses that dealt with Destiny.

Ibid, 'genies'. p .23.

2 .Witchcraft and the Gav Counter-Culture, p.86.

6.

Note that fay, or fey, is still used in the gay Note that 'Mother Nature' is a present-day rem­ world in reference to effeminate people or things. nant of goddess-worship.

22

In '79, a Spiritual Conference for Radical 'Faer­ ies' within the gay male world was called. This was the first gathering called as such (many more since). Two-hundred plus met at a safe Arizona space and used their resources to help each other love, live and learn more.

Questions ignored else­ where were asked. The goal: to learn how to take care of our own needs, to honestly see them and work together on them.

Historically, faeries, as imaginary spirit-beings, are depicted mostly as ethereal feminine crea­ tures. Besides this definition, the term is used derogatorily against males that don't hide their feminine aspects well enough in our society. The faerie movement deals with healing these aspects of ourselves and...oh, but I'm getting ahead of my history lesson. Read on'.

Faeries lived their own free lives in the midst of society--as we try to do. We can now create safer spaces for ourselves in which to live and grow, thought still struggling under governmental systems which attempt to limit our freedom.

While the '60's liberation was happening, the gay world was beginning to strengthen its newly test­ ed legs.

In an increasing sine wave of growth, after this '60’s crest, a trough hitl --a surge of conservatism. Many integrated quietly into society, some decided to get away to freer spaces (country, communes, farms, etc.).

The young somehow were not indoctrinated into the '60's fervor.

Still, many new forefronts were being tackled.

The gay world was being ever-created. We inter­ connected and began displaying and utilizing our incredible power. Much consciousness-raising occurred. The gay world became stronger than ever before.

After the '60's, the gay world broke new and ex­ citing ground. Society told us that our homo­ sexuality had something to do with our masculinefeminine7 identity being fucked up. As our pet*sonhood was lost sight of, society saw us as being fucked up (object ificat ion--1ike being called homosexuals--things--rather than being referred to as homosexual--a quality).

So we investigated this area intensely because we had to find clar­ ity within the lies that kept us as small, penned, isolated individuals. Our images and fantasies began to be explored rather than ignored. Ab­ stract psychological catchalls like masculinity and feminity had less power to curtail our ex ­ ploration. Our pessimistic society feared where its thought and feelings would lead; we tried trusting our being. Our lives are our best heal­ ing and will not betray us.

7.Although I don't like the (limiting) terms 'masc­ uline' and 'feminine' (after all, why create div­ isions within the self), I use them to refer to conventional modes of thought. They and their definitions are great pressures on us, so males tend to inhibit their 'feminine' aspects, and vice-versa with females. As you'll soon see, present-day faerie-hood ushers in a more complete personhood where one acts uninhibitedly with the natural joy of expression--much like children do.

23

Personally, when I first went to a gathering, I hoped I wouldn't be disapointed by some weird cult-like event.

Mien I arrived, I was enfolded by about 30 loving men who talked things out to­ gether. Decisions weren't made by a few for all.

I was quite (happily!) blown away.

I hadn't met one person like these people, let alone 30 at one time for a glorious weekend!

I found that the faerie movement was the best structure that I'd encountered for fulfilling my needs as a multi­ dimensional person: clear, constructive criti­ cism that accelerated my growth; being uncondition­ ally loved and treasured as an infinitely valuable person and resource in the faerie community; meet­ ing diverse, strong people that I could relate to on many levels and meeting many to whom I could not, but in a loving space where I could better deal with why I felt separated from these fellow h u ­ man beings.

Indeed, I felt that I had finally found a real community.

When I shared this with my friends, many were not interested. Fears are strong, and some feared it was too good to be true! Well, still the story gets better...

Since that first gathering in *79, a lot of dis­ cussion about what a faerie is has taken place.

I think that it is a state of consciousness where­ in one has the focus of willingness to become more aware and grow and change and learn, close to the forefront of our energy allocation.

In other words, spending a lot of time, effort, thought ard action exploring this stuff!

Using the term faerie positively channels energy the 'oppressor' used to put us in 'our place'-* making it our word again--beautiful, light and playful--like the way I've heard blacks use the word nigger in a loving context amongst them­ selves. At first, it took awhile to erase my old societal programming, but I now love the word.

We are enchanting...(Children, animals--and of course, women and straight-identified people-can be very faerie, also!)

Faeries Play at Blue Heron Farm Gathering-- NV Fall 1982. Photo by Don Sunseri.

Having ripped down many barriers, we are connect­ ed into many of our talents. We are a strong, beautiful, loving people, making that which was unconscious, yet latent within us, conscious. As a people, faeries grow in rank incredibly fast, '•'hen an idea’s time has come, it spreads faster than firel The frequency of gatherings increased rapidly and continues to do so, with ones for gay men and others for lesbians and some mixing the two. Now, I see straight-identified womyn showing up and straight-identified men coming closer.

There are thousands of us, by now, inter-connecting. Mostly here in the US and Canada where a large population speaks one language. And also, I hear of gatherings in Europe and Australia. We live relatively far away from each other, but the spatial distance is eagerly covered in order to meet and learn to lessen other inter-personal distances.

poetry-art circles, wiccan/ritual circles, med­ itation circles, ones on our health, silly cir­ cles, play circles, ones on dance, and on and on.

Who goes? I’ve met non/political, non/spiritual, non/raonogamous people,...children, animals...

When it's time to leave, we all close the gather­ ing we have created with a last circle. We feel the great energy of ourselves and then prepare to take it outward again... stronger now...

Many found they live close to each other and inter­ connecting continued--particularly in large cit­ ies. Boston, Atlanta and San Francisco have strong faerie circles that happen--usually b i ­ weekly where loving community is developed, a place where isolation is reduced so we can get in contact with our power, skills and talents.

I write of an ideology that connects faerie to faerie; however, being so individualistic, we each have our own opinions on how to do this.

Since we are close, a lot of difficult stuff sur­ faces. A trial-and-error approach operates as we lead ourselves. Each person, each gathering, each recounting is unique.

Some have disheart­ ening experiences with persons, gatherings, re­ countings and get disillusioned and go no fur­ ther. This is like throwing the baby out with bath water 1

Where are gatherings? Someone will call and host a gathering. Notice will be sent out through mailing lists that we make at other gatherings (to continue inter-connecting after we first meet), perhaps through RFD, posted, or verbally corarounicated--whatever can be managed. Gather­ ing-spaces need to be safe to explore in, so most happen at country-spaces, with a few in cityspaces. Our leaders are ourselves. As we learn more, we are more effective at loving and help­ ing each other. The cost is kept at a bare min­ imum. Usually a fee is suggested, then people give what they can, those with no money-energy at that time being allowed to participate, any­ way.

I've always seen the host come out of the gathering with a little bit of money ahead--if one doesn't count all the time and effort spent in love and preparation.

Gatherings center on concepts mentioned above-exploring them in whatever way we can at a given time. Circles (meetings) are called to introduce ourselves to each other to work/play/laugh/1ive together. We touch/heal each other, for when you heal yourself, you help me to heal myself; both your example and your new presence affect those around you. Because we are so multi-dimensional, a small list of a few things I've seen includes: lots of gender-fuck (wearing clothes, doing things usually associated with the opposite sex with no attempt at impersonation of the opposite sex‘i), masses of hugging, singing bodies, sharing our art, herbal sweat lodges packed with naked bodies, sharing in the work, peoples of different ages and color.

People call the circles on what they are interested in and what they need to talk a bout and do. A few topics I've encountered (believe me, only a few): communication, com­ munity and networking, storytelling circles,

8.The purpose of gender-fuck being to explore taboo areas of raasculinity-feminity--to take the power those two words have over our lives and make it ours--to integrate these areas of ourselves.

The assumption that the faerie movement struc­ ture is the same as most structures is understand­ able, but incorrect. The faerie movement show­ ed me an ideal non-rigid structure incorporat­ ing spontaneity and being molded to fit our changing needs, rather than trying to mold us to fit THE STRUCTURE. Since we, ourselves, must do the 'molding', such a structure gives the indiv­ idual great power and also great personal res­ ponsibility to make any changes s/he feels necessar y .

For the men's community, there is RFD which we pubLish here at Running Water. With a lots of help from our myriad of friends in the faerie network, two here, in a 60-yr.-old, somewhat dil­ apidated, chest nut-wood home, take care of the survival of this magazine--which has passed from a few other homes down to us.

(Donations of any

Faeries at a Play at San Diego Garnering — Fall 1982.

Photo by Steve Heselton.

24

kind--money, material, etc.— are certainly wel­ come 1 )

PA3E REFERENCE FOOTNOTES;

If you hear of any similar groups like the faer­ ies, or would like to contact men or womyn, write here.

a. b. c. d. e.

Of course, we and all the faeries need you1 Cum live and love with us. We may work at it all, but my god/dess do we play! We just love to ’re­ cruit' (tee, hee )!! All welcome if this sounds like your cup'a'tea!

An energy-hug from me to you for now, (in the true faerie-spirit),

V* v.AA<L

Witchcraft and the Gay Counter-Culture, p.99.

Ibid, p .84.

Ibid, p .12.

Ibid, f .90.

Ibid, p .86.

BIBLIOGRAPHY; Witchcraft and the Gay Counter-Culture by Arthur Evans, Fag Rag Books, Box 331, Kenmore Stn, Bos­ ton, MA 02215 Reincarnation; The Phoenix Fire Mystery by J. Head & S.L. Cranston, Julian Press/Crown Pub­ lishers, Inc., 1 Park Av e ., NYC, NY 10016

) ACKNOWLEDG BMBNTS Great thanks to Arthur for this wonder-filled book, and to all the faeries and the RFP collective, who have helped me (lovingly so) to realize this art _icle, a much needed ■\ foundation in communy ' y ’^ y i' \ "'N. \ \ icat ion ..jt.

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25

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Even today I hear people at faerie gatherings asking how we can "develop a faerie ritual."

We've already got it! This is the common de­ nominator. We must keep in mind that not all faeries consider themselves pagan or even "spiritual"--whatever that means!

Spvpral ypars ago, the Coramittpp for Gay Educa­ tion in Athens, Georgia (home of the B-52's) was having a party, watching The Wizard of Oz on tv.

After the show, someone remarked that it was the spring equinox; and wouldn't it be neat to cele­ brate it? Well, he just happened to have a book with a spring equinox ritual in it and all the necessary props.

So w e guzzled down Ouzo and wrapped ourselves up in bedsheets and headed down to a deserted park.

For most of us, it We began with much fore the night was forces of nature. world, transported flickering candles the reawakening of dawn of WoMan.

was half-joke, half-theatre. giggling and jokes. But be­ over, we were hushed by the We were transported to another by dancing and chanting and and incense, transported by ancient memories--back to the

I wanted to re-write the rituals because I didn’t believe in goddesses or gods; yet I was hesitant because I thought they were unadulterated, n u r o forms. Later I learned that they had been cre­ ated by Raymond Buckland based on his understand­ ing of the old ways. They were quite heterosex­ ual in their imagery, not to mention worshiooino Wodin, the Norse equivalent to Jehovah.

(I orefer the older mythology where the lover of Freya was her brother, Frey--a gentle, Dhallic god, laughing and fertile.

He was later pushed aside to make room for Wodin, Freya*s macho boyfriend.)

In the two years that followed I did lonely ri­ tuals naked on the St. Simons beach, offering flowers to Moon and Sea; and sexual dances to Dionysius in my apartment in Atlanta.

In the process of reading and researching, I became quite confused. What is Wicca and what is occult?

What I wanted was beauty.

I thought of ritual as private art, created to satisfy the urge to create. Living beauty. Tuning into Universe.

The more I read, the more I became drawn to the nature religions.

I souoht no powers, but only grace.

Around this time I attended what was in those days called "faggot gatherings." They were much more political than the faerie gather inejs to come, but it was here that the basic structure emeraed (and structure is^ ritual).

I am talkirxi about the circle--this is the primary ritual of faerie.

But I did not see it as even being a ritual back then.

I didn't think anything was ritual unless it involved memorizing lines and invoking the Higher Powers (whatever I was calling them that particular week.)

26

In 1979 I attended the National Gathering of Radical Faeries in Arizona. That energy is still with roe today.

I remember a humorous, campy mud-bath that turned into a raw, primal rite.

Raising our arms to the sky, we bathed in sound and elemental energies. By contrast, the planned ritual the next evening was much less effective, sagging and dissapating energy.

I think the planned ritual failed for the same reason the unexpected one flourished--faeries have a ten­ dency to improvise. What is planned to last 5 minutes could last 45 minutes instead. That’s okay if you're working with a skeleton script, but when you've got a long series of planned events it can be disastrous.

Charged up from this gathering, I returned to Atlanta wanting to help form a gay coven.

A group met on the full moon for a few months, but didn't seem to be going anywhere. So out of frustration and impatience I ended up join­ ing the House of Ravenwood: Church and School of Wicca. Their rituals were open to the pub­ lic and averaged 60 people (though sometimes there were well over a hundred.) The organi­ zational structure was rigidly hierarchal and the rituals were highly theatrical with the "High Priestess and High Priest doing most of the work and everyone else just standing around watching, like a church. They were aesthetic­ ally beautiful, though. They seemed to lack an elemental power I had experienced in Arizona and even in Athens.

This last year on the West Coast, I attended two large pagan gatherings--The Covenant of the God­ dess Festival and the Goddess Rising Conference.

At both events I experienced a new form of rit­ ual developed to ensure maximum group partici­ pation and on-the-spot spontaneity. The example I am going to give, the Weaving Ritual, was per­ formed at the Goddess Rising Conference.

(1) (2) (3)

(4)

(5) (6)

(7)

Thundercloud places community as a high priority.

A facilitator explained the steps of the The shaman's work is in many ways solitary, but ritual to the 200 or more people attending. it is not self-indulgent or self-serving. The The people form a circle and the circle is shaman serves the community. TC does ritual purified with incense. blessings for house warmings, weddings, naming People break into seven groups--East/Air, ceremonies, political meetinos, and even concerts.

South/Fire, West/Water, and North/Earth In addition to this, he also leads seasonal ri­ plus Goddess, God, and the Weavers.

People tuals, sweats, and visionquests for members of the are told to go to the group they most icommunity. More about him in a future issue! dentify with at that very moment.

With the help of the facilitator, each small This last spring, Good Fairy Productions spon­ group develops an invocation --choosing what­ sored two workshops by Feather Singing, a man ever chants, images, dances, etc they want. who teaches magic through Reclaiming, the fem­ After 15 minutes, the small groups again inist spirituality center started by Starhawk. form a larger circle.

One of the main goals of Reclaiming seems to be Beginning with east, each small group goes empowering groups and individuals to create their to the center of the circle and invokes own rituals for building community.

As a result their particular element or deity. of his workshops, a loose-knit group of people After the circle has been cast and the god are meeting now in Seattle to plan community­ and goddess invoked, the ritual work begins. • wide seasonal rituals. There are three primary The weavers lead the group, passing out yarn, groups involved--radical faeries, lesbian-fem­ and chanting: inist witches, and heterosexual neo-pagans. Many "We are the flow and we are the ebb of the people have in the past worked solely We are the weavers, we are the web." or primarily with either all-male or all-women When everyone has hold of the yarn, the circles. There is alot of excitement beino Gen­ weavers lead a spiral dance. At the peak erated by the coming together of so many diverse of the energy, everyone begins tying knots people. in the yarn, chanting: "When you tie a knot, you make a connection And where will this lead? Who knows? Peak ex­ When you make a connection, you're mak­ periences at national gatherings with people you ing energy may never see again or only see once a year, are When you're making energy, you're making fine. They are inspiring and offer us things to mag ic take back to our communities. But what if we When you're making magic, you're making don't have a community to take what we've learned love back to? I want to do ritual with people I see When you're making love, you tie a knot everyday, people I work with, people I love, When you tie a knot, you make a connec­ people who share my values, people I lust after, tion, etc." people I run into at the food co-op. Ritual can (Note: This is the form the weaving took at strengthen, solidify, and enrich community; but this particular ritual. However, the weavers it cannot replace it. are free.to do the weaving however they choose, just as all the other small groups I hope that people reading this will find a few are free to do their invocations.) useful ideas to use in their own rituals and The energy is grounded and the circle is gatherings.

I am including as an appendix to opened.

In this case, the circle ended with this article, some notes from Feather Singing's

-_i

(8)

In Seattle, I have witnessed yet another form of ritual. Thundercloud is an Obijibwa shaman and a roemoer of Good Fairy Productions.

His form of ritual is more traditional and he is definitely the leader.

It would take an entire article to do him justice, so I will only mention those as­ pects pertinent to this theme.

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APPENDIX II Planning a Ritual Important that people who come to ritual make it their own.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Planning meetings open to all interested and announced.

Organizers come with ideas, but don’t dom­ inate. Wait for all to give input, encourage input.

Deal with themes first rather than specifics.

Go around circle so everyone can speak, what is the real stuff to be dealt with?

Getting world problems down to personal level we can work with.

Review of concerns, synopsis Formation of ritual structure developed around chosen theme.

APPENDIX I RITUAL FORM I.

II.

Making a safe space*: purging/pur if ication ,| personal wholeness A. Leaving behind the outside world Examples: salt water purification, check ins, visualizations, banishment B. Create Space 1. Grounding: Tree of Life visuali­ zations, centering, breathing 2. Sounding: indicator of what people are ready for, connect with each other through group sounds C. Create Ritual Space 1. Call quarters, center, elements, totems 2. Call Goddess/God 3. Seal, close the circle so energy stays focused and concentrated Ritual A. Raising cone of power for chosen puroose B. Trance journey--to explore deeper realms, find inspiration (not always included in ritual)..

I

III. Grounding and Return A. Food & Drink: pass cup around for every­ one to give thanks and blessings 1. Evaluation of ritual/sharing how it felt 2. Sacred Bullshit time: announcements etc.

B. Closure: Opening circle 1. Farewell to Goddess/God 2. Farewell to Quarters, in reverse order than when calling Quarters C. Final Grounding Important!

1, Aura brushing/combing down energy to ground 2. Talk about taking care of energy-bringing self back into body, so one can function in the world with­ out bumping into trees, etc.

28

APPENDIX III WHAT RAISES ENERGY Simplicity Participation Small groups Simple language Images all can identify with Simple movements Easy tunes Breathing Chanting

Dancing Images direct energy Common vision Humor Play WHAT DISSIPATES ENERGY AND ALIENATES PEOPLE Complicated explanations, words, actions, etc.

Excluding people Tunes no one can sing Cliches Psycho-babble Specifically religious imagery (even god and goddess sometimes! ) Hierarchical imagery Reading lines Anxiety Attention grabbing Insistence on correctness Solemnity m

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A view from Mandala by Nicholai, 5.30 p . » . October 1, sg»£?

It’s Summer in Australia right now and a faery men from December 20 to January 3, a men's gather­ gathering is scheduled for the month from Decem­ ing from January 4 to 14, an open weekend from ber 20 to January 23. The locale is a farm called January 15 to 16, and a w m » n ‘s gather5mg from andala, in the Northern Rivers area of the state January 17 to 23. of New South Wales, near a village called Uki (rhymes with sky), outside of a town called MurSeveral men «ho participated in the Sprirc; Festi­ willumbah (rhymes with Diana). Mandala is a "gay val sent W d written accounts, photographs, aawS rural resource center" owned by David Johnstone drawings of their experiences there, w e’ve a r ­ and was the site of small gatherings of local a L y men in 1977 and '78, and major Easter gatherings in ranged these in scrapbook form on the next few pages, suppl imenting the Australian offerings in 1979 and ‘82. A Spring Festival haopened there from September 25 to October 4, 1982 which consist- with same drawings and graohics by CJ.S. faeries.

The main body of the text is by David Johnstone; of a one-week retreat for gay men followed by excerpts from other accounts are interspersed a weekend open to all visitors. and set apart by large quotat k m marks. None of these accounts ims credited individually. Other contributors of words and artwork were: Jim Bell, The Summer gathering, called Summer Dreams, con­ Ed Large, Nicholai von Tonslmann, and Gill Duffill. sisted of a camping holiday for lesbians and gay

29

PAY ONE, SATURDAY The first misty dawn of the season heralding a fine warm day. Already a dozen or sr of us here.

I've been here nine years, Lemuel for a couple of months, Brent for a few weeks, Allan for a week, David for a few days, John coming and going on his own circle, and the r*>st barely settled in.

from snow, ice and sleet basking in the sun. The sign goes up for folk dancing at 4 p.m. Brent starts in on massage under the beech tree. Most of us feeling a bit unsure of what is expected of us, how we will cope.

About to wend my way up the hill to the euphemism with dual squatting/seating arrangement, I was handed a bucket of ash to deposit upon ray deposit.

Few loos in the coutry could boast such a view, and if I had any toilet inhibitions they were it hurriedly dealt with as one of the Mandala resi­ As I rode my bicycle--tent strapped behind--frora dents came to join me in my contemplation of the Murwillurabah Station to Mandala, a mere thirteen universe. Showering was even more public; on a miles away, I occasionally turned ray thoughts from hill, hicknamed "Golgotha” by a Queensland wit, the enjoyment of the exquisitely beautiful scenery was a gallows, from which hung a bush shower, to to my. expectations of the next ten days.

I could which hot water was carried from an ever hot cop­ think of none, save a hope that I wouldn't be borev! per . One braved whatever the weather had to of­ and that whatever happened I should meet some new fer --which was usually wonderful. people. After an hour-and-a-half ride, frequent­ fT ly checking the directions, I arrived at a gate Gathering for the dancing.

It looks easy enough, with a sign, "Mandala," painted in rainbow hues. but how come we all seem to have two left feet?

A short descent led me to a small creek and on Lots of laughter. A last swim, gathering wood the other side was a tiny cottage and a couple for the bonfire, getting dinner together, together. of naked men coming to greet me.

I soon had my three-man tent ejected on some high ground, about U 300 yards from the house--Mandala Heights as it Almost as an afterthought I took with me a mixed came to be known.

I then set off with a couple tape of various ethnic and renaissance dance music, of new arrivals to explore a little. Several and offered to teach the others some of these dances.

I was* surprised by the response which was quite leeches and creepy crawlies later we retreated enthusiastic; more inhibitions fell away and pseudo to the house to find several more guys had ar­ rived and were busy putting up tents before an macho images faded as we joined hands for the com­ impending storm. plex circle dances of Turkey, Armenia, Lebanon, and Egypt.

It was suggested that we should have a maypole dance, so taking a pole, lots of ribbons, Most of the 23? acres of r>ror>erty is native for­ twelve volunteers and some fourteenth century est sloping up the side of Mt. Chowan. Chowan Venetian music, we choreographed our own. That Creek bisects the property and provides natural catchy 600-year-old tune became our theme song swimming pools.

Mandala is only one hour's drive for the festival; one seemed to hear it everywhere, from the surfing beaches of northern New South played on xylophones and recorders, hummed, strummed, Wales and southern Queensland. The area has a and whistled. comfortable climate with warm dry winters and tropical summers.

It is a garden of Eden with its native bush and wildlife and a lost paradise And then our first real circle. CXir names, where with its tranquility and peace. we come from, sharing our good tiroes and then dis­ covering each other's expectations and the wealth The first rays of sunshine to reach Australia each of skills we hope to share with each other. morning can be viewed touching the peaks of M t .

Warning a fe»" kilometres away. At Mandala the vegetable gardens are receiv­ ing their sprinkle of water and breakfast has begun. Mandala was established to create an harmonious environment for gay men where they can explore thefllselves as well as being able to share with others what they have learnt.

Love and coopera­ tion; providing a supoortive and nurturing social environ­ ment rather than one which is competitive or threatening.

it Breakfast starting with sweet grapefruit from our own trees, lots of warm tea and warm feel­ ings. Put up the last couple of piers for the new kitchen, drive into the village for pipe fittings so that Gill can set up the showers. Smiling new faces arriving every hour or so. Picking out sites for tents and getting them up. Refugees 30

Finding new friends, sharing the warmth of the fire and easy atmosphere of the house.

Lots of hugs and touching and cuddles. Our first spiritu,alist reading, tea and cookies warm from the oven, plans for tomorrow, possibilities for the rest of our lives. To bed by ten o'clock. And on a Saturday night, too.

a special magic display by the fireflies outside, plans for a concert, the learning of songs, more' massage for the walking wounded and to bed for a good, long, relaxing, well-earned rest. \nd so ended the second day.

So ended day one, except for the thoughts, plans and joy which whirled us gently into sleep.

DAY Tu)0, SUNDAY Our first Sabbath together and although we had promised ourselves a day of rest, the urge to achieve got the better of us and after a relay breakfast, half a dozen or so of us have a bit of a play with the construction of the kitchen.

A stack of second-hand timber is de-nailed, the bearers for the floor were cut to size and put in position, the poles for the uprights were de­ barked and trimmed, and the jolly woodsmen went into the forest and cut the last pole and carried it home.

Meanwhile another garden bed was cleared and made ready for planting. Chris, Peter and Nicholai set out on an eight mile hike. Nick, Eddie, and Ron went shopping for milk and to explore the village and all of us realized that we had twenty-five new friends and began to explore how they felt about the things that concerned us. How to share our lives, our properties, our dreams, our accu­ mulated knowledge.

Lunch and a sharing of Ed's photography and our thoughts on Children's Liberation, Prostitution, and "What do queens do with their money when they die?" A beginning of openness.

Meal times were a time when the entire group, which grew day by day as more people arrived, came together, aften around a bonfire for the nights were unexpectedly chilly. The food was e n ­ tirely vegetarian, fresh, abundant, and delicious.

Theoretically, we all lent a hand in the prepara­ tion of food, but in practice much of the work­ load fell on a cheerful and patient few. Much to my surprise, I didn't turn up my nose after eat­ ing raw onion or the dreaded avocado; I did how­ ever draw the line at pumpkin. The mountains of food that were produced on a two-ring gas burner in a miniscule kitchen throughout the festival were truly awesome. ^ Face and body painting, a short storm to clear the air, a massage session, a sleep, a swim, a welcoming of new friends in semi-shock from the city, a return of hikers and shoppers, lesson two in folk dancing and wonder of wonders we can now do yesterday's dances and are as confused as we were yesterday with today's.

Our first T'ai Chi workshop by the pool in the last rays of the sun. Moving easily together.

Beautifully.

Concern for Len who is not well. Angels of mercy take him food and the rest of us share good food and private thoughts in the cosiness of the house.

A parade of frocks, music on guitar and xylophone,

d a x t w e z , m onoay A little sad this morning as Chris left us for his wanders in search of aloneness, and Nick, Eddie, and Ron left for work and entertainment.

But our spirits are high even if our bodies tire from exercise and our minds from the possibilities revealed.

Breakfast, a realization of our individual re­ sponsibilities to each other, a shopping list pre­ pared, our budget adjusted, and the shopping team set sail for adventure.

"What a funny looking group of people you see in Murwillumbah. And they laughed at mel" Meanwhile we have our first session of New Games.

Touching, laughing, without fear.

For many it was the first time they were able to iug and kiss others freely without being afraid o f the thought of love. a

Australians, gay or otherwise, are shy of tactile communication, and when one is suddenly in a situ­ ation in which, like a troop of chimpanzees, every one hugs as a greeting, hugs to give support, hugs for sympathy, or hugs just to be together or keep warm, it can at first be a little disconcerting and indeed I never fully became used to the idea, preferring to keep ay own personal space. There were seldom any sexual connotations in all this hugging and touching, and indeed I found myself wondering how blunt one would have to be to actu­ ally make a pass at someone. However I found the overall atmosphere somewhat asexual, but in view of the liaisons formed and the amount of tenthopping, it seems to have been different for others.

Two dear friends deliver Laurie and a bunch of guitars and a bunch of bananas.

F^ter finds us from Victoria. Nigel of the belly Buddha blends continued

31

happily with us, and dear Adrian's happy chuckle is heard amongst us for the first time.

Busy, busy, busy, and as if life wasn't compli­ cated enough, the tank contractors tippy toe through our midst in a procession of noisy, huge trucks. And the youngest of them is very young, very spunky, and probably straight, and very de­ sirable. Why do I lavish special attention on hiro when I am surrounded by a wealth of beautiful men who are certainly homosexual?

Without leaders we achieve a wonderful dinner and clean up after ourselves. Hooray.

Into the house we meet new friends, hear a selection of recent Australian poems, and then sort out the "ladies" from the "gents" for a session of moon­ lit square dancing led by Gill on the lawn. A hot drink, a hug or two, and sleep. Why aren't our lives more like this more of the time?

Breakfast passes in a blur, we begin to plan for the weekend visitors (are they in for a surprise or two!), prepare invitations for a shared dinner with the neighbours, make a circle and feed each other lunch, prepare meals for more people than we have ever catered for before, dedicate the new tank, share fulfilled dreams and dream again, wel­ come new friends, deliver invitations in a moon­ light ramble.

A comment which I overheard during the festival haunts roe still: "Why is it that we can go and have sex with total strangers and yet find our­ selves unable to put an arm around a friend?"

PAY

And so ends day three.

fo lk

, T

A week to go.

A first time camping, first time beard, first vegetarian food, first time smoke, first time drag, first time coming out, first time sharing real concerns with brothers.

u esd a y

Three more pilgrims in the night, one of whom crashes in the lounge. Strange, that no one has slept more than a night or two in the lounge b e ­ fore being swept off to someone's tent. Seems that more than a few of us have houses too big for one.

No wonder we are all getting higher. And having the courage to reach out to each other, and let ourselves be touched.

And now this diary roust get more personal as re­ lationships deepen. Does this man really love me? Do I love him? My heart aches from the de­ sire for a special mate and sorrows that I cannot sleep in more than one bed at a time. The endless days of the festival have suddenly become a few precious hours.

Longed-for hours with my lover become minutes, or even seconds as we pass each other between kitchen construction, tent decorat­ ing, meetings, and meals.

A poem brought to us by Ian, is read by Adrian and inspires a late night exchange of feelings for our fathers; the ones we love, and the ones we never knew.

To bed arm in arm to prepare for tomorrow's ad­ ventures.

DAY FIV E,

id E M E S D A Y

A scattered day.

Gradually friendships formed, lovers came together, and after only a few days we found ourselves each genuinely concerned for the well-being of the others; any sign of a down was quickly noticed and someone would be there with a hug and a kind word or sympathetic ear.

Songs and laughter, and loving, and yoga and med­ itation. And all before breakfast.

The kitchen-building progresses with the second pole erected and the others all prepared for to­ morrow, but generally our energy levels seew to be low.

Lots of us still seem only able to relate to "Mr. Right", and more than a few find reason to leave us for the day. But the rest of us have found that the warmth of our brothers is a treasure be­ yond measure.

Here and there the warmth takes fire and new loves blaze like beacons comforting all in their glow.

Laurie materialises in our midst and we are all challenged by our dreams of youth and beauty and possibilities. And realities.

_]

Lunch under the trees and for the first time some of us resist forming a circle. Has a dream amongst us threatened our reality?

Friends surprise us by arriving back when we had­ n't even noticed their departure. We surprise ourselves by seeing a real building take shape before our eyes, the garden grows day by day, we all grow day by day.

32

Low energy afternoon, snoozing and grooving and the chance to think. More of us flee the oppor­ tunities. But Nicholai draws us into his web with dancing around the maypole and we* really are getting quite good at it. Our shared laughter and j o y weld? us again.

A group, of us share reality and dreams for Mandala in the years ahead, and then dinner together in the house, massage, and planning for guests* The finding of our songs, and the learning of them.

Will it ever be right? Of course it will.

We gather at the maypole as all our immediate neighbours arrive. Many of us feel uneasy, unsure jealous of our shared magic, but soon our confi­ dence returns and we are all comfortable together again . The children roar with laughter at Adrian poetry, Laurie and Lawrence share their music, the food is superb as we sit in a circle, a happy contented blend of gay and straight, youth and age, male and female. Why cam *t it be like this more of the time?

The straight neighbours were invited over one night for a m^al and many of us felt threatened by this invasion, fearing that we would be the objects of curious stares. This imagined threat brought us even closer together, and when the neighbours eventually did appear, I for one was agreeably surprised to find such delightful people They caroe again on a couple of other occasions and were made most welcome by us all. Less inhi­ bited than many of the gay visitors they joined us in square dances and even took part in our may­ pole dance.

The neighbours drift away carrying sleepy kids and we share more music, poetry, concern for each othe massage and touching.

Easy drifting into sleep in the stillness.

V'AY S£SJ£N, FHid AY Couples and trios and singles settle in our nests.

Mrs. Willy Wagtail has learned to ignore the pro­ cession of laughing, singing, dancing men passing her nest by the kitchen door. To sleep, and the west wind rises.

So ends day five. getting better .

m

Sty,

Half way.

And now it occurs to us that somewhere during the week we should have taken a rest day. But today can’t be the one for after breakfast we form a circle and check what need to be done today.

Fire: Heroes step forward to see to the firewood the gas bottles, kero, and the lamps.

Five to go, and

Water: The tank men move almost unnoticed amongst us and we arrange to check the water line, taps, showers and the sprinklers in the garden.

THUdSPAY

Oh, how the wind blew last night. Scattering the ashes of our fires, buffeting our dreams, sending our very nests a-swaying, and flapping and flaying.

And then a calm for our yoga session. Glowing in the first rays of the sun, we warm together.

A shared meditation, a swim and breakfast. Already the saw and chip and hammer of the new kitchen echoes from the hills.

Barth: We shoulder responsibility for the removal and disposal of waste, erect a second latrine and screen it. The shoppers check their lists of food necessities, and magic.

Air: The dance card for the weekend is checked, amended, altered, and added to. Props an^ cos­ tumes prepared. Magic invoked, continued

A chorus line of heroes raises the west wall and we begin to see our dream take shape. "Where's the drawings?" asks Mark the architect. Lots of laughter, who has time to draw dreams when they come true so fast? The floor supports appear in place and the wind sends plastic buckets and empty cement bags dancing. We are dancing, hugging, kissing, sharing our warmth and shelter.

A scurry to clean up our space as Vera and Tom and Matthew arrive to plan our Sunday Celebrations, and to break bread with us.

A shattering after lunch. Lovers in the pine forest, a chance to ride the neighbour's horses, our oldest and youngest brothers work on tumbling and balancing together by the pool. Age and youth, wisdom and innocence in harmony and balance.

33

ft

And then we move on to our various roles. The shoppers depart for town and to meet trains.

Some new arrivals get here even before we leave.

L« rs and strangers join the happy band and the strangers d o n ’t stay strangers long.

Singing and hammering and laughter echo from the hills. Lunch, and a rehearsal of a food serving ritual and the heat gets to us. The hammering stops and we drift into snoozes and loving and quiet conversation. Our newly arrived heroes are led gently from delight to delight. Drawings and poems and photos and paintings appear on the walls. Group massage by the pool.

And they a sort of frenzy grabs us as the sun starts to set and a hundred hammers seem to pound down the new kitchen floor, the old kitchen bursts at the seams with cooking and stirring and mixing and blending. We begin to shout to, or even at one another. Not really knowing what we are do­ ing we whirl even faster until Gill, our most ex­ perienced hero, drops suddenly between the floor joists with a cry of pain. He is assisted from tne field, but still we rush on, hammering through the dusk and into the night. Confusion between kitchen and the servers, unkind words, our first line-up for food, but the love and warmth that Adrian has put into the meal calms us and we fall easily into a circle around the fire, meet each other, share good times, music, and the moon.

Then off to the maypole for onr Last rehearsal.

Well, perhaps we ought to try and fit in another one tomorrow morning.

By the end of the week our numbers had swelled considerably and hints of aggression began to ap­ pear, flash, and recede. Naturally, as in any large group, there were those whose company one sought in preference to others', but for me at least there was no one to avoid. The visitors for the open weekend, roost of them day-trippers, began to arrive early Saturday morning and by mid­ afternoon our numbers had more than doubled. This was a day given over to the Northern Rivers Gay Group for sports and other activities, but they seemed to show no interest in doing anything so we threw a few events together ourselves and had an impromptu mini-Olympics with those mindlessly hysterical games such as three-legged races, drag races, orange and spoon races and so on. We did our best to encourage the visitors to join in but most of them were content to be spectators and gazed with a mixture of amusement, bewilderment, and apparent horror as we went through our paces of the ethnic dances. To the exotic sounds of the Middle East, we joined hands for circle dances, spiral,, and line dances. Then to our very familiar ancient theme we grabbed for our ribbons for our own maypole dance, and for once managed to complete it without a tangle. No amount of cajoling or pleading could entice the visitors, accustomed as they were to the production-line rhythms of disco, in which touching is almost taboo, to join in. The next day when we did a repeat performance some of the neighbours did join us.

AA

Then to the fire side yarns, inside for massage and music, hot cookies from the oven, a choice of teas and most of the heroes are to bed early.

It will be a big day tomorrow.

Tasmanian Devil A massage workshop materialises in the field in the last of the sun.

Our sunset circle invokes the moon and unites us with our new heroes and visitors.

DAY

5-iGHr, 5

A superb meal served to us in the circle. s inging.

AT

More

Thomas arrives for tomorrow's ceremony and is wel­ comed into our arras.

A special day.

Massage inside the house, square dancing outside .under the moon.

Laurie is everywhere with his music.

Breakfast flows and the circle comes together.

We sing together. Harmony.

Visitors drift in and we ease them gently into touching and laughing and sharing.*

The full moon was greeted by a simple ceremony, and yet another feast, as the fireflies darted about adding their nightly magic to the scene.

New tents pop up like magic blossoms in rows, clusters, and alone.

44

Dik takes us through some more New Games near the garden.

We drift away to sleep. Or lie awake and wonder.

Love is a great force.

You really would have had to have been there to understand the raag.ic.

2 p.m. Sports Extravaganza: Three-legged Race, Wheelbarrows, the Drag Race (watch those flying hems), Spoon and Orange Race, the Huddle Race.

And so day eight blended softly into...

34

DAY N IN E .

The tree planting is postooned due to an excess of pain.

Some blame our pain on an excess of su­ gar in last night's feast. Some find other rea­ sons .

SU N DAY

But we awake disturbed. a relationship trails tatters of anger.

Some find strangers in their beds. Some find none. Anxiety over the wedding and our parts in it.

Vera leads us in Communion in the pavilion. With bread baked in our own oven and water from the creek.

Heroes collapse in tears public and private. Sev­ eral flee. A squabble over whether photos should be taken. Closet doors slam shut. We are nearly lured into voting for the first time but resist.

Just before lunch there was going to be a wedding.

Two guys named Peter and John who live locally and have been together for 25 years had decided to formalize their relationship in the presence of us all. We decorated the guy ropes of the tent with bunting. Both of them came dressed in burgun­ dy slacks and white tops and looked very smart.

They were followed by a guy carrying two rings in individual boxes, all resting on a satin pillow.

We all stood in a circle again holding hands and the ceremony was solemn and dignified as the les­ bian celebrant read out a three page sermon.

I think most of us had a lump in our throats or shed a tear. One young punk-rock guy was ver emo­ tionally upset but remained.

I was pleased I wit­ nessed such a happening.

In honour of the occasi­ on a native tree was planted nearby. 44

Ironically, in the midst of all this closeness I began to notice that my own reaction was one of loneliness, but a painful tick bite on my throat soon gave roe something else to think about.

11 Negative thoughts and words force themselves on us. We pass-by our brothers in pain. Too busy we say, but the fear eats at us. What is today's visitors are more aggressive, fear ridden and alcohol-dependent than yesterday's? Many of them are.

But here and there gleams of sunshine and smiles.

We silently and efficiently move the pavilion to its new site by the pool.

The wedding goes beautifully with everybody radi ant and a few in tears. A few dark faces apoear at the outside of the circle clutching tins of beer, which they discard when empty. Anywhere.

At the morning circle it was agreed that a mar­ quee was to be moved to a more central position.

The unusual way of moving the marquee was wonder­ ful. It was agreed that the whole operation be done silently, all by sign language, and I think most of us thought that this would not be possible.

We all set off in complete silence, in groups still holding hands, and it seemed very odd, but very beautiful. Once there, there seemed to be a lot of confusion so I tried to take control as I knew that certain procedures roust be observed otherwisethings could get into a mess, and this looked like happening. I tapped guys on the shoulder and p pointed to where they were to go and I think roos* guys were relieved that things were being organ­ ized. ^ 35

The Northern Rivers Gay Group has a meeting and the knives flash and heads roll before the victims even know what is happening. All over $50 and control of the books. continued

NiCUO'-R' Sunday we played host to the Northern Rivers Gay duced. To the sound of a battery operated tape Group and a simple and moving ceremony was held recorder and lit by kerosene lamps the ubiquitous' to celebrate a couple's twenty-fifth anniversary Marilyn Monroe was once again dragged: out of her For much of the afternoon the members of the coffin. The show was an unmitigated disaster, Northern River Gay Group were holding their arrnual and as an unrepentant passionate loather of drag general meeting and even from a distance one could shows I can say that this qane was by Tor the worst sense the abimosity.

It seemed to an inoppor­ Show business aside it was the jarring note of tune time to hold such a mcetingi since we were an ideologically unsound activity whicb disturbed supposedly there to promote togetherness. After many of us. Why, with about half a million gays, a few attempts to breach their jtefensivpness we can't we wean oorselves from miming other people's left them to it and went on with the job of enjoying music and paeduce live shows with live singers, ourselves and preparing for the evening concert comedians, ar*d musicians? I also fear that such which w e ’d planned to entertain the neighbours shows only serve to further the confusion many and visitors after dinner. straight people have about transvestism, tran­ sexual ism, and homosexuality. we hold an alternative meeting, cuddling together under the pavilion, and grow Stronger.

A concert bad been planned for tonight. It went off very well. Mar ilyn, Htonroe, a new arrival whom non* of us could necognize, tall, 28" waist and 32" Ihips, nice chest (but Drobably some pack­ ing), blonde wig, and a front slit in the dress revealing a very nice pair qf legs, gave quite a good iroutine and she got a big rotund of applause

The maypole again takes us to a new love of bro­ thers as the laughing faces of our lovers flash oast. Wo teach it to new friends, whilst other now friends prepare the feast.

Our circle for dinner and moonrise is again full of love, oride in achievement, and good feelings. «ar* are amazed at how many of us there are. How beautiful we all are and how good it feels to be together.

11 Then out to dance uimter the moon. and the promise of the back room. cold tonight.

We pack into the house for our Sunday Nigut Con­ cert. Outrageous. Laughter at ourselves and the world.

K

We rehearsed songs and poems, planned comedy skits and the musicians practiced.

Somehow, somewhere, something went awry.

Suddenly there appeared in our midst people who'd been with us for a couple of days during the week and they bore with them all the glitter and crap for a full-scale drag show. Horrified and hurt, the other would-be per­ formers shrank back as wigs and make-up were pro­ 36

Cups of tea Nobody need be

Was it a success? I pondered this, as I paused by a laden blackberry bush to relieve it of some of its burden on «y ride back to Murwillumbata.

That would only be answered in terws of previous expectations, and in the sasp way as expectation is the ruin of love, as it denies growth, then so too would expectation colour one's evaluation and limit it. I, for one, learned wuch during -those ten days, about wyself in relation to the environment as well as to others of the same species. As a priaatologist I aw tewpted to draw parellels with a baboon troop but I fear that they nay be misinterpreted.

ft Those who came to the 1982 Spring Festival at Mandala left highly charged with love energy and re­ assured of themselves. The nature of what was achieved at Ma octala by everyone cannot be said but will be seen by others in the clarity of our eyes, the tenderness of our touch and the swiles on our faces.

We begin our evaluation of the festival. we al­ locate ourselves an hour to do it. It is a pro­ cess that will continue for us for months ahead.

MVTOV,

A list of what we liked, a list of what we would like to see improved, and how we would like to improve it.

M C ftb A Y

W

The next morning was a busy one as tents were struck and a last circle was held. Fond farewells, some going home to break distressing news to cur­ rent lovers, some staying on a few more days, but all of us leaving something of ourselves with each of the others. 4 9 We sleep well and awake to another fine, warn day. Breakfast together and a gentle folding of tents.

Three heroes find a pressing need to leave before our closing circle. Pity.

It is amazing how un-materialistic our lists are.

How strongly our focus is on our personal growth, our interpersonal relationships, communications and responsibilities to ourselves and our brothers.

A brief gathering of thoughts on our next gather­ ing and then our first healing circle. Those in need cluster in the centre and the radiant energy of the group pours in on them. Tears, laughter, warmth, love, j o y . A sharing of our energy with absent friends, a singing together, a farewell to the group and it is all over.

01 has

3“®* hosu*1?

Tuesday: In her nest beside the kitchen door, Mrs. Willy Wagtail has three tiny babies to care for and grow with. And love.

We form a circle under the marquee by the pool.

And we all knew it was a special circle.

37

N ic h o la s

fb+ricca

Address given October 10, 1982 «*t the Gay Academic Union National Convention, Northwestern University, Evanston, Illinois.

The last time I was asked to talk about the future I got into a lot of trouble.. That was in lf9T3.

The Futurists never invited me back.

I have no idea what the future will be. But I am fascinated with our ideas of the future* and with the fact that we are the kind of beings who like to, have ideas of the future.

I must confess, contrary to Carl Sagan, that I do not believe in tbe pro­ gressive evolution of the human species o r of hu­ man culture.

I think there is not a shred of evi­ dence to suggest that we are morally or spiritually or culturally better now than we ever were.

If I were forced to adopt a model of human history, I would select one which describes the human ex­ periment in terms of a variety of cultures which are born, which wax and wane, and which die. One might be better than another at dance, and one might be better than another at space technology.

But no one of them is the best, or represents the true ideal of a human being, or of the proper fu­ ture of the human race. Unfortunately, it does seem that our culture, the culture of Western sci­ entific technology, will dominate the earth, and will be the culture that colonizes the universe.

Or so my assignment assumes.

Nick, some people believe in a view of

38

human history and development leading up through techonology to our leaving the earth and colonizing other worlds, a sort of seed-pod expansion, sending life out into space. what could gay People bring to other worlds? What spiritual function could they perform?

How could we dramatize this for the space travellers?

I don t like the idea of our colonizing the uni --?rse * * don't think we're wise enough. We emr t a m l y haven't done a good job colonizing the — h ' That is response to the first part of assignment.

.•vz-cvK !. , a s s u m : -

w i n colonize in spire y ears, I now address the second part of my assignment t What, if any, is the contribution of gay people to this colonization? My gut re­ sponse (which is also my final, considered re ­ sponse) is that gay people have as much or as ittle to contribute as any other people. What­ ever contribution we make to culture, we make as ourselves, whatever we might be and with all that we are.

At a GAU convention in time past, I attended a seminar that discussed whether gay people were more creative than straight people. At the time I found the discussion interesting, even though

to keep me painfully aware of the limitations and flaws of ray culture. Many other things did too, o-f course.

I thought the question wrong-headed, like: Are Blacks smarter than Whites? Are Women better at Math than Men? Are Danes more fun-loving than melancholy Italians? I found the discussion in­ teresting because it focused on creativity: What is it? How do we release it in ourselves? There are aspects of my being gay that do provoke ray creativity. They are not necessarily unique to me or to homosexuality.

I'm sure many straight people have experiences and feelings similar to mine. Nonetheless, in me they are all mixed up with my being gay.

I would like to thinx that being gay inevitably leads to a critical consciousness, because of the tensions it creates in us for self-acceptance and social acceptance. But I know it doesn't, neces­ sarily.

I recently tried to play softball in a Gav Softball League, and had a very unhappy time.

The team I was on tried so hard to win they de­ feated themselves, losing far more games than they should have.

I say "they" because I quit.

X need people around roe who challenge me to grow and change.

I need people around rae who introduce roe to worlds radically different from my own, who can teach me new skills, who can help roe do what I want to do. My whole life I have sought to build and live in such a community of friends.

I find that my being gay helps me in this process.

It has helped me to value friendship over lovers, and even over family. And I am very close to my family.

My friends are essential to my well-being, and to ray productivity as an artist. A straight friend once remarked that what she most noticed about the gay world was the trraendous support system of good friends we had. That made me proud. She thought this unusual in general, and less true of her experience of straight society.

My decision not to get married (to a roan or a wo­ man), my decision not to have children, and not to take on the responsibility of raising any, has left me free to pursue a lot of things I don't think I would otherwise have been able to do.

I know other people have been able to marry, and raise children, and be very creative and productive in many ways.

I am not one of those people.

My unconventional life-style complements my creativity.I

Ten years ago, about twenty people, gay and straight, male and female, short and tall, black, brown, and white, gathered every Sunday night during a long Chicago winter to discuss playing softball. Some of the women had never thrown a ball.

Some had and didn't like it.

Some of the gay men had never participated in com­ petitive sports, and hated the very thought of it.

Some of the men had never had to deal with women in a competitive situation, and vice versa. Every­ one was nervous.

So we talked.

It was important to all of us. We wanted to plav a rea1 softball game. We wanted to play hard. We wanted to plav well. We wanted to play to win. We wanted to compete. And we wanted to enjoy all of it, every moment and every aspect. And we did. Because of this experience, many people (male and female, gay and straight) changed their attitudes toward their bodies, learned new skills, physical and social, and had a good time.

Several of the women have gone on to rugby and karate.

I have gone on to running and weight lifting.

Which brings me to what I'm supposed to be talking about.

If I were charged with the task of writing play* to be performed for our colonists as they jour­ neyed to their new worlds, I would write about what I write about now: about the world of men.

When I was growing up on the streets of Pitts­ burgh, one of the members of our gang raised the question of whether any of us would rather have been born a woman.

All of my colleagues said so­ lemnly that they preferred being male.

I alone dis­ sented.

I said I thought that women had a choice: either to stay home and take care of the home, or to go to work. To me this choice felt like a free­ dom to relate to the World or not. Men had no choice, or so I felt.

Like it or not, we had to enter the rat race, to succeed or fail.

I know something else about m y ­ self.

I know that my being gay forced me into paths I would otherwise not have taken.

It was not the sole factor, but, in some cases, one of the primany ones. One of my best friends (and one of my best critics) said to me once that the trouble with me was that I wanted to be the boy-next door and couldn't.

"It just isn't you," she siad, "and you can't accept it." My drive for acceptance by the World collided with the parts of roe which were unacceptable to the World.

I spent many years bashing my head against those brick walls, and still do on occasion.

I am a reluctant non-conform­ ist . In my own case, I suspect my homo­ sexual ity helped

With dread I anticipated this forced entrance into a hostile world, because I knew in my heart it would end whatever ties of affection and intimacy we had achieved among ourselves. And I was right. As we passed through adolescence and into adult life, we grew apart, our interactions became more formal, more ritualized.

I didn't so much mind their emerging sexual interest in women as the loss I experienced of a genuine sharing of emotions.

It made me feel I had no con­ text in which to express my affection for men. My horaoeroticisra is based in my caring for men.

The Lionheart Logo says: The Universe Is Our Home, and We Are Welcome In It. I believe that.

I also know it is a struggle to make it true. To this day, I see in the rituals we men perform with each other 39

in the gym or at work the remnants of a true inti­ macy, a true sharing of vulnerability that we all once had (I speak mythically) before we were forced to" compete with one another for power, sex, and status. This enforced competition is deadly to us and to our society, and -keeps us all homeless.

enactments would help us to discover good ways of making a home for ourselves in the Universe.

In the beginning, for me Gay Liberation and Wo­ m en’s Liberation were more than linked; they were almost the same.

I looked to the Feminist Movement to help me theoretically and practi­ I think one of the reasons I entered the religious cally to learn new ways of relating to Power and life was to recover for myself a feeling of true to the World.

(I still do.) .1 looked to femin­ community with my brothers. As I studied the liter­ ism for the critique of our culture that would ature of various religious traditions, I came to set us all free (male and female, straight and see that many myths expressed my personal sense gay).

I now look to myself.

I now look within of loss and alienation. During my last days in my own experience: to my experience of myself as the seminary, I became absorbed in the creation a man in our society. As an Artist I want to myths of the early earth religions that dominated describe what that feels like, how that affects Europe before the Christian era. We see traces of me and those around me. Like a faery Shaman, these myths throughout classical Greek literature: I want to break the bonds of a tethered mascu­ in the symbol of Artemis as undomesticated nature linity, trespass forbidden terrain, to create a beyond the profane grasp of proud people; in the home for myself and my brothers. planting rituals which require young maidens to spend an entire night in the fields before the I do n ’t want our space-age travellers to repro­ planting to placate mother earth in advance for duce our present culture on other planets.

I the rude behavior of insensitive men; in the triwant them to create a new culture.

I want them vialization of Bros into Aphrodite, and the Erinys to be spiritual explorers first.

And I want mv into the the Furies. art to contribute to this spiritual journey, which for me began twelve years ago when I first took Contrary to our modern myth of the human as the seriously, took responsibility for and pride in, prime mover, the agent of change, the Creator, my feelings for men.

I know we gay people are not a pioneering vanguard clearing the spiritual these myths saw human beings as one kind of path to a new order. Current gay culture is more creature among many, all equally the children a sub-culture than a counter-culture.

Yet I do of a common mother. They saw our essential b e ­ have a hope, a hope based in my experience of ing as receptive, our highest activity as con­ this same gay culture which has nourished and templative. These ancient myths of the origin blessed me. I know that each of us has the of culture all speak of the earth as hiding her­ courage to explore his or her own feelings and self from the calculating stare and violent ex­ work our/their implications for ourselves and ploitative action of world-building men. our society. That is how I believe we will make our contribution to the future, for us and all Because it is in my character to look into the other creatures. old to find the new, I would dramatically adapt and perform these myths for our -space age colo­ The universe i£ our home, and we are all welcome. nists.

It would be my hope that these dramatic

40

I'VE WATCHED THE BLEEDING OF MY PEOPLE

BEFORE THE PERMAFROST

Knives Into Water (for my father)

to Robert

Jim Brewer, Jr.

i've watched the bleeding of my people for so long... we all laughed at johnny when he got drunk at the party which was suppose to be a consciousness raising session but somehow someone (you let it turn into a party and the only thing raised was johnny's addiction to alcohol

last night i dreamt i was on my way to alaska a alacial cruise into the Midnight Sun

w -

Eskimos have over a hundred words for snow iceborn language snow is their home it houses their thoughts

me)

and when linda turned away put a needle into her vein we all pretended we couldn't see her pain and instead of offering her the warmth of a woman's center we visited her at the morgue

sweet bilberries, caribou and whalemeat's mostly what they eat they fashion the hides with the Moon oil burns light tools from bones antlers for horns what about the eyes? everyone knows they rub noses under constellatory snowflurries they must do a plenty lot more to keep warm Eskimo's loveheat

and when paul called said he and david had a fight could someone come over and through his tears he said something like please let me go we hung up assuming he wanted to work it out alone later we called and found out he had broken and was taken to an institution for repair

amidst the blizzard new parents mold a bassinet and half roof in the tundra drift melt the cradle edifying with ice make the Wind Arctic Music to the ears of their blanketed papoose a smile to offspring lips savor it, as in a kiss now chew it like blubber Transforming what we're given and making it work for us the community

i've watched the bleeding of my people we could wrap our children in it for so long... everyday the river flows brighter S. J. Mifsud with my people's blood everyday EMMA LOU DODSON FABLE ON LIFE n people care less and bleed more...

This unmerciful wall of solitude I think its time to diet seems built by armies a million when it's time...it's time strong I close my eyes in quiet to apply getting higher and broader every day and see croutons pressure my God it seems so long. stop the bleeding EMMA LOU 00DS0N FABLE ON LIFE n and begin But there really is nothing to it the healing as real as it may seem The consistency of itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s reality is as solid as a dream.

Ray Ross 1976

My bed is empty now It wasn't once @

Don Roy

I had your dreams, my father.

We were brothers, Indi ans burnt deep brown muscles taut and hair cropped short.

Outlined against the sky your arm out stretched pointing.

We were close hunched.

I sighted along your arm past your out stretched hand.

A hawk soared and wheeled in the distance, paused, plummetted down down and came up trailing rabbit bristling in knurled and sharpened claws.

Framed against an amber sky crouching side by side on granite cliffs the water falls, hurls its way down The pool is deep and we dive side by side, together bodies arched against the sun.

A deer turns to watch and we slice cleanly slice cleanly almost silently like knives into the water together, at the same time, cutting deep sinking into the ice of deep blue water diving deep and surfacing.

by Zvi (c) 1981, Altman

I'VE WATCHED THE BLEEDING OF MY PEOPLE

BEFORE THE PERMAFROST

Knives Into Water (for my father)

to Robert

Jim Brewer, Jr.

i've watched the bleeding of my people for so long... we all laughed at johnny when he got drunk at the party which was suppose to be a consciousness raising session but somehow someone (you let it turn into a party and the only thing raised was johnny's addiction to alcohol

last night i dreamt i was on my way to alaska a alacial cruise into the Midnight Sun

w -

Eskimos have over a hundred words for snow iceborn language snow is their home it houses their thoughts

me)

and when linda turned away put a needle into her vein we all pretended we couldn't see her pain and instead of offering her the warmth of a woman's center we visited her at the morgue

sweet bilberries, caribou and whalemeat's mostly what they eat they fashion the hides with the Moon oil burns light tools from bones antlers for horns what about the eyes? everyone knows they rub noses under constellatory snowflurries they must do a plenty lot more to keep warm Eskimo's loveheat

and when paul called said he and david had a fight could someone come over and through his tears he said something like please let me go we hung up assuming he wanted to work it out alone later we called and found out he had broken and was taken to an institution for repair

amidst the blizzard new parents mold a bassinet and half roof in the tundra drift melt the cradle edifying with ice make the Wind Arctic Music to the ears of their blanketed papoose a smile to offspring lips savor it, as in a kiss now chew it like blubber Transforming what we're given and making it work for us the community

i've watched the bleeding of my people we could wrap our children in it for so long... everyday the river flows brighter S. J. Mifsud with my people's blood everyday EMMA LOU DODSON FABLE ON LIFE n people care less and bleed more...

This unmerciful wall of solitude I think its time to diet seems built by armies a million when it's time...it's time strong I close my eyes in quiet to apply getting higher and broader every day and see croutons pressure my God it seems so long. stop the bleeding EMMA LOU 00DS0N FABLE ON LIFE n and begin But there really is nothing to it the healing as real as it may seem The consistency of itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s reality is as solid as a dream.

Ray Ross 1976

My bed is empty now It wasn't once @

Don Roy

I had your dreams, my father.

We were brothers, Indi ans burnt deep brown muscles taut and hair cropped short.

Outlined against the sky your arm out stretched pointing.

We were close hunched.

I sighted along your arm past your out stretched hand.

A hawk soared and wheeled in the distance, paused, plummetted down down and came up trailing rabbit bristling in knurled and sharpened claws.

Framed against an amber sky crouching side by side on granite cliffs the water falls, hurls its way down The pool is deep and we dive side by side, together bodies arched against the sun.

A deer turns to watch and we slice cleanly slice cleanly almost silently like knives into the water together, at the same time, cutting deep sinking into the ice of deep blue water diving deep and surfacing.

by Zvi (c) 1981, Altman

Tw

I have always maintained an extended interest in lhe relationship between faggots and cars.

Some­ how, the two seem to be the most mismatched pair • ince either was invented. One is no easier to understand than the other. They are then, essen­ tially incompatible.

I have a particularly uneasy history with respect to the mechanical homophobes myself.

We did get a paltry $45 for its innards though.

I suppose we should've been thankful because in retrospect, I still am not convinced that it had $45 worth of innards.

The other cars we've owned were no match for the P.O.S. (Piece of Junk). They did, however, put up a darn good contest .

I have owned three cars in four years. Each was, in its own right, a monstrous disaster. Each ended up sitting in the driveway (sitway?) like .* dinosaur before long. The last one was so old th.it the Department of Motor Vehicles had to carbon-date it in order to determine its age.

Take for example, the V ,W. I owned. The only thing that worked on it was the sunroof.

It was *o old that the floor had, for all intents and purposes, rusted out, so that it more than pass­ ingly resembled a Flintstone's character--you had to use your feet to get it going ("We'll have a Gay old time"). Actually, I'm being a bit too harsh on the decedent.

It did, after all, go fast (downhill). And it got several gallons to the mile. A carowner's dream. Besides, by the time the sunroof rusted in the open position, it was Winter in Maine and we got to enjoy all of the heavier snowfalls while driving.

It was a new concept in design. t\o bought it because my lover needed a car to get to work. To anyone who has ever owned a car, that last statement probably represents a flaw­ less example of what is meant by "a malignancy of reasoning." Because in essence, what always ends up happening is that you go to work to buy and maintain the car instead of the other way around, which is supposedly why you bought the car to begin with. Faggots like us became caught up in working jpst so that w e ’d have a car to go to work in. Entire paychecks (meager to say the least) were squandered on the car.

The reasoning is chronically circular: no job; no job, no car.

I was never totally certain whether the tears rolling down my lover's face as he watched the junkman towing it away were tears of sorrow, or tears of ecstacy.

no car,

We traded the entire routine in for an extended career as welfare recipients. Stationary welfare recipients.

42

One was a Renault.

Instead of having words to indicate the respective functions (and far more numerous malfunctions), Renault decided to use space-age pictures matched with little lights next to them.

"Confuse a Faggot" was the name of the chapter in the Owner's manual.

In our case, this was more easily done than said, for as we discovered during our first requisite breakdown, the owner's manual appeared in its entirety, in German.

(I have nothing against Plattdeutsch, but it was almost a sinister plot, with my high school German teacher getting re­ venge for the years of accomplished illiteracy I so diligently worked at). There we sat, two innocent, gentle faggots, on the verge of tears, wondering where was a straight man when you needed one (rare as that may be).

Though we were, in the tradition of all good faggots, mechanical imbeciles, we were not in the least surprised when we overheard the repair man refer to it as a "mechanical abomination, a mutation among machines." This had been the un­ spoken diagnosis from the start, except, being faggots, we were bent on optimism and avoided at all costs (except monetary) having said diagno­ sis officially confirmed. Alas, as is the case with all things animate or otherwise, our glor­ ified mo-ped uttered a final agonizing scream, and perished. We certainly have an uncanny knack for picking them.

We are currently the proud owners of an American Motors Gremlin. We bought it because of its color (the first criterion for all faggot-car interactions).

It is a kind of off-gray, which I won't try to describe any further.

It would be a waste of paper and ink both.

It supposedly has a rebuilt engine (personally, I decided that they probably rebuilt the engine, and then took it out and put it in someone else s car). Among its too-numerous-to-name virtues, are buzzers for the seatbelts (which unfortunate­ ly seem to work perfectly, a horn (the roost fre­ quently used option by faggots aside from emer­ gency flashers), heat, and a radio. We never owned a car with a radio in it before.

It's only a.m., but we are easily pleased--obviously.

Plus, the fact that it had all four tires and hubcaps too, made it an exceptionally good buy for the money. Our other cars each had tires bald as Khrushchev.

In conclusion then, we can look neither to science, religion, nor any other force for that natter, to uncover the origins of the relation­ ship between the faggot and the car. We should contently settle for the knowledge that the two are simply incompatible and undeclared arch­ enemies. Each regards the other as being un­ worthy of the trouble, attitudes which obviously do nothing to contribute to a peaceful, unevent­ ful life (for either of the parties involved).

Were it possible, I would opt for a world without cars. This is a faggot’s paradise. The car we have now seems o.k.

It's not the "instant obso­ le sc ence/con vale see nee" we'd come to expect, but it's no Schwinn either.

photo by Steve Ginsburg

It has a few minor dents (such are to be ex­ pected), but these we reasoned, would be covered over with the appropriate bumper stickers and further downplayed by the larger, more global dents we intended to give it on our own. After all, half the fun of having a car is putting your own dents in it. Like the time a tree hit me while going out the driveway (you have to be careful of jay-walking trees).

Autophobia is an unfortunate disease, rampant in faggots, but without its manifestation as part of the personality, one can hardly claim to be on the road to a healthy faggot identity either.

Maybe someday we'll be able to afford a brand new car, or at least one with no dents at all, so we can start from scratch. But this is sheer spec­ ulation and contributes little to ray initial argument, which, to refresh those whose minds have wandered, is that faggots and cars are basically incompatible.

X5

We lived next door tq two lesbians who were both mechanical wizards, yet I always got a sickly feeling in my stomach as I watched the expressions on their faces during the many examinations of our cars. They always took on the air of a chessplayer who has just been told s/he is now in checkmate.

Even A.A.A. moved out of town when they found out that there were faggots on the road.

It was worth it to them not to have to insure everyone else in the town against us. Some 479 towing, repair, storage and accident claims later, they concur that their decision to move was wise in­ deed.

43

r—4 o u -

-C

iX i * S' jb

-by DEN Ixo Or how to dt-toxify, really, since by nature of the society we live in, and our eating habits, toxic elements are not always eliminated. Fast when you are feeling good, or to help slough off dis-ease, as it channels energy used to eat into detoxifying the body. For the best results, get a colonic irrigation (internal super-duper flush­ ing). This requires a special machine and oper­ ator, so it costs about $30-40, I believe). Other­ wise, each night of the fast you should do a deep enema. This is very important since while not eating, the shit in your intestines will not be pushed out (no incoming flow) and toxins will seep thru the intestinal walls.

Take in 1 qt. body-temperature-warm water that has 1 tsp. each of sea salt and baking soda dissolved in it, while lying on the left side of the body.

If cramping occurs and/or you feel you may eject the water (in a fountain-1 ike manner), stop waterflow and wait until the feeling subsides.) Re­ move enema-hose and do upside-down bicycling holdthe water in for as long as possible. Go upright and expel. Repeat the above sequence in the on doggy-position. Repeat the sequence on the right-side, preferably substituting 1 tbsp. glycothymoline (anti-mucosity agent which can be gotten from a pharmacy), for the crystals.

The non-physical source of Edgar Cayce (an early ■oth century psychic from whom I've gotten the rnema-technique info, above) suggests a 3-day apple ’fast': Eat as many apples as you wish to, Organic apples, preferably, or peel the non-or­ gan ic ones. (The apples will scrub you out.) Take 1 tbsp. of olive oil each night--add it to hot water to help, if you don't like the oil. A true

I spent the week before Thanksgiving this year not eating. Or at least trying not to eat. This article ls about how I felt during that week and why I think it was so difficult for me. But be­ fore getting on to that part, the reader deserves to know why I decided to fast in the first place.

When I was growing up Thanksgiving was a day to oa obscene quantities of food.

It was also the only day of the year when my suburbanly religionloss family said grace--the token acknowledgment Meanin^ of thf* d*y* I would sit at the table hoping (which is somehow vaguer than P aying, but I hadn't been taught how to pray) would not be asked to say grace. The words having been mumbled (no ecstatic transports of religious feeling here) we all dug in and each of us ate enough for seven hungry Pakistanis

44

fast (no eating) allows the body to focus solely on de-toxifying. Remember to drink as much water as you can.

Hunger will usually disappear after 2 days.

This helps some faster who are doing a longer period--up to seven days, usually.

You may ex­ perience a slight temperature rise, a pimple out­ break, etc., as the toxins are now being taken out of storage and processed. Resume eating with small amounts of raw food and work up to regular consumption (preferable about a fistful of food per meal).

To prevent toxification: create the purest e n ­ vironment, get charts on optimal food combining that lists whether a food is alkaline-producing or acid-producing within the body (Cayce's source suggests a balance of four-fifths alkaline-pro­ ducing foods to one-fifth acid-producing foods) chew food VERY WBLL--this will, also, help eat less as it will satiate your hunger without over­ eat ing.

Certainly, the above ideals demand much work to manifest in ones life. They should be focused on and allowed to enter ones life in a gentle, loving manner.

Fasting will show you some very interesting things and make you a healthier, lighter being.

(Liter­ ally lighter since accumulated waste stuck to the intestinal walls can be a lifetime old and weigh up to 15 lbsl) If in doubt about your health, consult some kind of doctor (naturopath, M.D., etc.) first. Enjoy your fast'. ^

But even by saying this much I am projecting mv present feelings onto those times. No, all I felt then was dread of being called on for grace (like a question in school I had no answer to) and glee at limitless platesful of mashed pota­ toes and gravy.

But as my years increased so did ray political correctitude, and I began to feel less comfort­ able with this holiday for plenty of reasons.

The sort of thanks that my family was giving was that of gluttons, who take abundance for granted, expect it only to increase, and cannot r will not see that much material abundance is only possible because of the* forced labor and

Dinner that night with a friend's parentsIt was difficult to explain why I didn't want any fried chicken (that night or ever).

I was also agonizing over whether to make this a "complete" fast (water only), a juice fast, or a fruit fast.

(Sometimes it seems that the human mind delights There is enough food on this earth to feed all in picking insignificant nits whenever this helps four billion of us. The reason one billion go to it avoid the really tough issues at hand.)

I bed hungry every night is that this food is unfair­ eventually succumbed to fruit salad. ly distributed and unwisely used.

I have come to see this as a problem we need urgently to solve, The next day we proceeded to Running Water and I and the solution starts with each of us. I commit thought the fast would get easier. But I had myself to transforming hunger into abundance for forgotten about the kitchen fairies at RW; the all, one of these Thanksgivings I want to sit down food and love flow freely, and not to partake was to dinner with the knowledge that everyone else more difficult than I thought it would be. Hun­ on earth will also be eating a healthful meal or ger was less noticeable now--sort of a warm feel­ two that day. By fasting, I demonstrate concrete­ ing in my abdomen, as if the machinery didn't ly my commitment to the reality of abundance; have enough lubrication. There were several times symbolically and spiritually and^really, I become a day that I wanted to eat, but almost never out one of the one billion hungry. My fast alone of hunger.

I wanted to eat for all of the other does not shake the hold of the land-owners in In­ reasons besides hunger, but especially in order to dia or dissolve the banana plantations of Colom­ share meal tiroes with my friends--just to enjoy bia. But it is part of the solution. Lao-Tzu that special warm time together. said, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." Aside from these spiritual and I was not really committing myself to a certain political reasons, I also wanted to cleanse my length for the fast any more.

Already on the system after a period of not always wise eating fourth day I was fantasizing about what I would during the fall. break the fast with.

I had been planning to break it on Thanksgiving--a full seven days after start­ I began fasting after dinner on Wednesday the 17th ing. But then I thought I would need to build up of November. Thursday the 18th was a day of fast­ gradually to full meals if I wanted to enjoy Thanks ing for people all over the country, the Oxfam giving dinner with everyone.

So on the sixth day America Fast for a World Harvest.

I was doing some I ate fruit. On the seventh day I ate vegetables. organizing for Oxfam so this was my incentive for More of both, I might add, than I would have liked. the first day; I was busy collecting donations and After all, sitting down to a plateful of carrot showing a film, and there were many people fast­ salad and turnips can hardly be called a fast. ing along with me.

It was as the day progressed I didn't even manage to avoid grain carbohydrates that I had the idea of prolonging the fast.

I was on the seventh day. After a week in which Tom's to leave the next day for Running Water Farm, where Fennel Toothpaste had been the gustatory peak of I would spend the next week, and I knew that fast­ my days, I was quite eager to get back to my old ing would be easier there than in the city. familiar diet. poverty of oppressed people.

(I couldn't begin to prove this last statement here; readers who are unfamiliar with the scandal that is world food econo-politics could start with Food First,

by Francis Moore Lappe and Joe Collins.)

I had drunk some fruit juice during the day, but I was hungry when I went to bed the first night, and my resolve was anything but firm. When I awoke the next morning I decided to eat a little, so I had some steamed vegetables. At lunch time I had some fruit.

I rationalized this by telling myself that I had not eaten anything "heavy" and that I was faced with an all-night nineteen-hour bus trip for which I needed "energy". Really I was just hungry and unconvinced of the value of this fast after all.

It seems that during the first two days of a longer fast, when hunger is still to be contended with, the rationale for the fast comes under intense fire. Food in our culture is so much more than a way of satisfying hunger.

Giving food is a demonstration of love. Eating is recreation, social activity, work-avoidance, "cure" for depression.

Some of these alimentary alibis are healthy and some are not. The point is that giving up food is a serious proposition, not only for the body but also for the soul.

The bus ride was easy enough--a quart of apple juice and nineteen hours, and there I was in Greensboro, North Carolina, attending a conference of gay groups. Like any conference worth its salt, thi& one had a spread of munchies for social eaters, .avoiding which required real resolve. A handful of nuts eaten with scarcely a thought for their taste or nutritional value was suddenly off bounds for me. And I began to see that this was perhaps not a bad thing to experience.

45

What I learned from this fast was that my psycho­ logical relation to food is too complex to be grasped so quickly as in one week.

I want to do my next prolonged fast in the company of other fasters. This alone will make the whole under­ taking easier. But basically I look forward to taking time to understand more of what our culture teaches us about food, and to relearn those aspects I find unsatisfactory.

Oh, I still ate enough on Thanksgiving to feed seven hungry Pakistanis. m

the second door No money, no food and runny mascara to boot. The queer bashers were out again last night. Not young toughs like in the old days but workers and householders. The Ministry of Social Decay allows this to divert the ever increasing poor from turn­ ing on the government.

"Let em work off a little steam," as the Null Minister put it. No one will hire an outright drag. The Bureau of Welfare and Euthanasia will mark your head with a "registered undesirable" tattoo only if you're a straight queer and keep a trim moustache and a clean pair of designer jeans. Without the tattoo you can't get federal aid and food stamps. Some toughs have been using Proctor and Gamble's brand of Napalmolive to see "real flaming faggots". Maybe my turn will be next.

the third door Moonwise entered the teepee. He wore a woman's skirt and feathered earrings showed through his long, black hair. A child was sick so they called him down from the mountain where the transfolk were holding sweats and sending their own up on vision quests to become medicine people. A net­ work of independent, landbased transfolk, attuned to native ways had grown up across the land almost overnight, like mushrooms after a rain. They had ties with the indian shamans but were also tapping their own juices independent of any established way. Their communities were safe spaces for run­ aways from the dying cities and beacons for a new order.

i>y ''ItH

Kltin^ri

the first door I was sitting up on a psychiatrist's couch.

The man in front of mp was dressed as a priest and fingering a Freudian rosary which was carried by all consecrated shrinks ever since the Catholic Church merged with the American Psychiatric Asso­ ciation. He spoke in a slight Viennese accent (no doubt a tutored one, in religious imitation of the founder).

"This is a medical and not a social problem.

It clearly states in the APA-Vatican listing of psychological and sexual heresies that transvest­ ism is a classifiable personality disorder to be cured by any available means. The Holy Order of Right Gender is not to be threatened." "But you're wearing a dress!" I replied, exasperated.

"This is not a dress but a vestment. Besides I am a priest roy son."

Well, that was my first day working with a con­ secrated shrink.

I was young and headstrong but 6 years and $40,000 later I realized the error of my ways. How could a neurotic transvestite like myself ever challange the Holy Order of Right Gender.

I clearly had been out of my mind.

I may still be neurotic but I've adjusted, more or less.

The child was flushed and feverish. A young girl.

She looked at Moonwise a bit fearfully and then turned to her mother for reassurance. The mother nodded "ok, not to fear" and then the child turned her eyes back on Moonwise who smiled and began opening the pouch at his side.

In the pouch was a medicine rock, a pine cone and a bundle of sweetgrass. He called for sage and after the sage was burned to clear the place of negativities, he placed the sweetgrass on the fire to draw good energy into the lodge. He called for water and washed the girl down to cool her from her burning sickness. Then he held the rock and the pine cone in his hands. He chose the rock. The pine cone was for lesser ills and this deadly fever needed the deep strength which abided in the rock. He wetted the rock and it looked once more like the river stone it was. Smooth and glistening, firm and serene. He held it for a few moments and then lay it on the girl's abdomen as a song welled up through his heart. He entered the song and his presence filled the lodge. He sang for an entire night without fatigue, dust before sunrise the girl's fever broke. Moonwise rested for a day and then returned to the mountain where the vision quest was in progress.

the fourth door Planet earth was a translucent blue sphere from Island.

Island was one of the many spawn of the first L5 space colony.

It was populated almost entirely by gay people and transfolk though 46

entirely by gay people and transfolk though straights were welcome to visit.

Island v»as a bright star among space colonies just as little Bali had been among earth cultures.

It had more than its share of artists, writers, musicians and mystics.

In fact, many of the colonies com­ plained of its unfair advantage. With like e x ­ tension and cloning, gay people and transfolk no longer needed straights but it seemed,that the straight leisure class was having difficulty cop­ ing without the many aestheticians, poets, vision­ aries and designers of erotic software who were drawn to Island.

It now became clear that gay people and transfolk specialized in the non-parental use of sexual energy. They are professional neonauts. As Encyclopedia Galactica and the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy inform us, "neonaut" is derived from "neoteny" a standard mutational strategy whereby species "fail to mature" into the rigid adult state and remain younger and more flexible for longer and longer peiods. Until the advent of life extension, cloning and nearly unlimited solar energy, the gene pool could only afford a limited number of neonauts who remained beneath the threshold of reproductive responsibility.

These new developments have allowed whole popu­ lations to remain deeply neotenous. As a result we have witnessed an unparalleled explosion of cultural innovation.

There had been a bunch of disheveled queens pro­ testing that morning, shouting incomprehensible things like "we were the ones who fought back first 1" but the Stonewall Memorial Staff called the New York Citypolice (which was 1/3 gay - the gay units having more than their share of distin­ guished service awards). The queens, who were always making trouble, were good-naturedly es ­ corted to the gay detention ward of the city prison to cool off for the night.

There were many gay children in the class and they happily buzzed around the museum staff imbibing great draughts of gay liberation history.

Yet, there was one boy in the back of the room who was unaccountably sad.

the sixth door The Monastary of the Lavender Buddha was origin­ ally a zen monastary. When, one day, it became clear that there wasn't a single person there who wasn't queer, including the zen master, they changed its name and took to wearing 1ipstick and eye shadow. The spiritual community was scandal­ ized and the neighboring town only spoke of the monastary in hushed whispers and embarrassed laughs.

However, the monks continued their zen sitting and chopping wood as if nothing had happened.

"Comroonsense" and "consensus reality" relented to the palpable presense of monks in drag.

The straight colonies were efficient but they were beginning to feel just a little bit dry and soviet. Even now one of their ambassadors is de­ barking at portal six in hopes of arranging a cultural exchange program. You must excuse me since I'm expected to meet him.

the fifth door After the teacher took his third grade class to the Oscar Wilde Memorial Bookstore, he led the group to the information center and museum exhibit at the Stonewall Memorial. "This was the begin­ ning of a great human rights movement," he said, raising his voice to reach the rear of the group.

The exhibit was manned by polite and efficient, young gay men who told the history of the Great Stonewall Revolt, now 60 ,years old.

47

Even now they are doing their readings.

At the head of a long list of Chinese and Japanese lineage names is a little passage by Quentin Crisp, who came out as an overtly woman-identified man in 1930's London, dying his hair and wearing make-up at a time when even on women, eye shadow was thought sinful. Crisp had to give up delusion after delusion in the face of the fire in which he lived.

In the passage, he informs us: "The essence of happiness is its absolute • ness.

It is automatically the state of b e ­ ing of those who live in the continuous present all over their bodies. No effort is required to define or even attain happi­ ness, but enormous concentration is needed to abandon everything e l s e . " ^

DAY AWAKENING

© Len Ri chardson

the early morning breeze was sampling quaking leaves of the Birchwood tree.

Pride Without Prejudice The green blades of grass glistened to the golden rays of rising sun the roar of the city had not yet begun.

Walking along strutting my stuff

This is how it happened.

enjoying every step. the sparrow awoke the elderwood tree which dropped a decaying twig to the floor all then was silent two chips then two chirps more on into and through the roar.

No longer am I creeping in my own shadow.

f

a d isem bod ied s p i r i t can the weapons of tyrants let loose, it sta lks invisibl y ove r the earth, whisp er ing , co un se ling, caution inq, Liberty, let o thers des p a i r of you -- I n ever d e s p a i r of you.

Is the house s h u t ? is the m a ster away?

N e v e r t h e l e s s , be ready, be not weary of w a t c h i n g , ''*» will soon return, his messe n g e r s come anon. — Whi t m a n ut

copyright 1980 J. Lawrence Lembo

C O L O R - I T - y o o ’R S E L F

I am now carrying out my life as though I like myself and I like this world enough to care.

j iJ*Mvtnhro d &»kn

The Adventures of Robin Hood is an interesting variation on a theme, wherein Robin Hood is gay-identified. There are humorous time period cross references, some of which are very 'Cal­ ifornian*, as you’ll soon see, dear reader.

This Robin Hood is very much a reflection thru our age, with the tragicomic death of hunky Robin, a la west Side Story, with women and men, alike, to cry and smile at his death. Charac­ ters experience a zen-like insight and meaning at that moment. This is Glenn-Zeni Here are two morsels:

I

(AFTER THE AUDIENCE HAS TAKEN THEIR TRY AT 'IMF. ARCHERY TARGETS AND ARE ALL SEATED, WILL SCARLET BEGINS TO URGE THE PLAYERS TO FORM A CIRCLE. THE PLAYERS ENCIRCLE THE ENTIRE SPACE, SURROUND­ ING THE AUDIENCE. ) WILL SCARLET (A JOCULAR MAN, DRESSED, AS HIS NAME WOULD IMPLY, IN RED. HE IS THE MAGICIAN, POET AND CLOWN AND WOULD-BE PRIEST OF THE FOREST.) All right now, lads...let’s circle up.

(AS THE MEN ARE DOING THIS HEAR THE TAPED VOICE OF QUENTIN CRISP ALONG WITH MUSIC.) NARRATOR CRISP ------ A great long while ago...but n£l once uoon a time, before you were born...even before I was born, the English Island had not yet been declared one large International Mus­ eum to be maintained as such by the rest of the world.

And on some parts of the island there was still dense forest. And of these forests, the most famous was Sherwood.

And the roost famous occupants of Sherwood forest were...Oh, but you know ,11 that, don't vou?

(AN EXCERPT FROM A PLAY BY GLENN HOPKINS, copy­ right 1982. ) Glenn Hopkins is a faerie-identified artist living in L.A. He has adopted what he calls a "crazy poet" role for himse1f. He divides his time between teaching English, street performing with his accordian, writing, directing and pro­ ducing his plays and running his theatrical com­ pany, the Venice Mootney Company.

Glenn wrote that: "Much of [the play^ was inspir­ ed by the Third International Gathering of Spirit­ ual Faeries in New Mexico."

GLENN: "I enjoy all aspects of the plays--every­ thing from writing and producing to selling tick­ ets and watching my plays.

I like the directing and producing even more, probably, than I do the writing. Writing is very lonely while directing is always very busy and very social."

WILL SCARLLl ...that’s it, a circle. Now, extend your arms out.

Aye, now close thine eyes. Now conjure the image of a force that flows in a circle between us...

(THE PLAYERS BEGIN TO MAKE A STEADY HUMMIfC SOUND.) ...flowing to the right. This energy pro­ tects us. That’s it, send it along.

Pass it, add to it, give it, take it, send it, spin it, send it, spinning, circling, circling, golden, protection, circle of protection, flowing, flowing, round and round, wider, wider, now it circles the whole camp...

Of his 20 plays, one of his more recent works, Dinosaur (the life story of an American labour leader), co-authored with Wayne Lindberg (a fellow Venice Mootney-man), was chosen for pub­ lication in West Coast Plays--a semi-annual com­ pilation of ’outstanding new plays from the coast'.

(THERE IS AN ACTUAL SPINNING LIGHT IN THE CENTER OF THE CIRCLE SENDING OUT A CIRCLING BEACON.)

GLENN: "All of [the} important character studies by the great playwrights were made for world leaders to see and learn from, and that's what I want to do. We have to learn the lesson of the dinosaur and look at what w e ’re doing and try to help ourselves.

...now see it and respect it all ye gods and goddesses of the trees and lakes and streams of Sherwood forest...wider, wider wider...

(FRIAR TUCK HA5 BEEN WATCHING AND LISTENING TO THE LAST OF THIS, AGHAST. HE BREAKS INTO THE CIRCLE. HE IS, :0F COURSE, A ROTUND MAN IN CLER­ ICAL ROBES AND WITH BALD PATE. MUSIC BEGINS IN THE BACKGROUND. )

we're all here to try to relieve suffering.

That's what I want to do with my writings."

"The play's the thing." (Shakespeare): 40

FR I A R

FRIAR

Do you want to burn in Hell, Will Scarlet?

He is infinite in wisdom, power and love, and fortunately for you--his mercy is great. So quit this pagan babble and pray for forgiveness 1

That proves what a fool you are'.

WILL Whooopsie-daisy 1 '.

FRIAR

WILL You say, a woman?

"he . ..he...het"

Nobody in Europe used that word, "blubber" until the year 1795.

What if God's WILL

FRIAR (HARDLY ABLE TO SPUTTER.) W h y .. .why. . .what heresy

Oooooooops.

FRIAR

WILL

And what year is this, Will Scarlet?

You think it's a giant boogey in the sky with a gray beard and dangling cock? Re­ lax, Friar, I just wanted to charm the area so nothing goes wrong for our last week of summer camp. Cheer up, Friar Tuck.

Praise God for the sunshinei

w *LL (LOOKS AT HIS UNTIL NOW UNSEEN DIGITAL WATCH) I can do better than that.

It's September second of the year 1199.

FRIAR* I What's that ?

(THE CHORUS CHEERS. THE FRIAR IS SILENT. MEM­ BERS OF THE CHORUS INJECT A WIDE RANGE OF NAMES OF DE IT IRS ) "The Great Mother'.", "The Horned Onei", "All That Is'.", "Allah Akbar'.", "Jai Baawan'.", "You know you like people to call you by your real name, well God's name is Jehova and in this magazine...", "Use the force, Luke!"

WILL My new Japanese digital.

Look...The time in every capitol in the world- it plays happy birthday on the day before every­ one's birthday so I'll never forget my father’s birthday again...and jingle bells at Christmas and french-kiss my butt-hole on Valentine's Day. This little button here measures my blood pressure and for bio-rhythms you just...

W.1IJL _

force, Luke'."

WILL Praise God for the sunshine. say "Amen"?

FRIAR (HOLDING OUT HIS HAND, COMPLETELY SERIOUS.) Give it here.

(HANDS WATCH TO AN AUDIENCE MEMBER.) Would you hold this, please?

Who has the mirror?

Will ye not

F R IAR

What's God's name?

I ask vou again.

(THE AUDIENCE MEMBER WHO DOES GIVES IT TO HIM. HE PACES, STUDYING HIS FACE, AT FIRST VERY SUPER­ FICIALLY...)

WILL "oh mother, let's name the baby later."

I think you're right, Will. some sun.

FRIAR Do ye make fun?

I could use

(THEN HE STUDIES HIS FACE MORE SOBERLY AND AT LENGTH: )

WILL Nay, na” , nay I have great fun. beautiful day?

It’s a Am I...Am I a gently, loving person7 Am I, Will?

FR IAR What did you say?

WHJL (THE HUM OF THE CHORUS SHELLS AS WILL ASSURES HIM:) Indeed you are. We all are. Or, at least we're trying to be, SONG: ...and we're singing now

WILL Can we not agree on the Sun? FRIAR

ALL Egyptos worshipped the sun, not I.

We are gentle, loving people and we're singing singing for our lives....

We are gentle, loving people and we're singing singing for our lives.

WILL Oh pale one, can't I see with mine eye... your lilly-white rolls of blubber.

(THE MUSIC STOPS SHARPLY AND FROM "THE BALCONY" A HARSH ELECTRIC BUZZER IS HEARD.) FRIAR Blubber?

Blubber ??

(THEY REPEAT THE SONG, GETTING THE AUDIENCE TO SING ALONG, AND THEN GRADUALLY LEAVE THE PLAYING AREA AS THE LIGHTS FADE TO BLACKOUT.)

WILL Aye. Blubber.

50

3 1 (AFTER A MOMENT WE HEAR THE SOUND OF BIRDS CHIRP­ PING. THEN IN THE DARKNESS WE HEAR THE VOICES OF A MAN AND A WOMAN WHO HAVE ASSUMED A PLACE ON THE STAGE.) MAN Ahhhggg1

Be careful.

It’s very sensitive.

WOMAN

ROBIN (REFERRING TO HIS LEFT SIDE.) That scar there is from The Crusades with King Richard.

MAR ION (HAS SAID THE LAST LINE SIMULTANEOUSLY WITH HIM: "Crusades with King Richard.")

Why do you always have to bring that up?

ROBIN He's my King I MARION (FINISHES NURSING, STANDS.) He's more than just your King!

You did this to yourself!

MAN I...ouch!

I did not.

WOMAN It's got to be cleaned.

Now hold still

MAN Ouch. You're too rough. sitive .

It's very sen­

WOMAN You should have thought that for yourself before.

(LIGHTS UP ON HANDSOME ROBIN, AGE 30* s, SHIRT OFF, TENDED BY GORGEOUS MAID MARION. ROBIN'S APPEAR­ ANCE IS MUCH AS TRADITIONAL SAVE A SINGLE GOLD EARRING. SHE HAS NOW BEGUN TO BANDAGE THE CHESTWOUND IN QUESTION. THE SCENE IS THE SUMMER E N ­ CAMPMENT AS IT APPEARS AT THE OUTSET OF AUTUNW.)

Harrowsmith Magazine (6 issues a year) Queen Victoria Road, Camden East, Ontario KOK 1J0 Canada $13.50/year? $2.50/single copy This Canajan effort is, all around, about the best of the back to the land magazines. The con­ tent is broad, the format is slick and well-edited, and articles are generally informative and relia­ ble.

A recent issue (June/July 1982) included these selections: -Interview with Murray Bookchin, American anarch­ ist and environmentalist author -Series of four articles on gardening in unusual and unpromising spots -Building a garden cart with scavenged materials -Drought on the Prairies -Cheesemaking in the Haute-Savoie area of France -Do-it-yourself cheesemaking -Outward Bound -Using basil -also regular departments, such as letters, edi­ torials, two question and answer columns, and "Gazette" (a 4-page section of short artxdes and notices) One problem is the amount of advertising--40Z or more. This reflects the high cost of producing a quality magazine with colour printing. Lest the folks at Running Water turn a little green with envy, a significant portion of the advertisement is for Harrowsmith and other products the com­ pany sells. Most of the advertisements would not be of interest or use to American readers. It should also be pointed out that any articles in which climate is a consideration would probably be applicable to the northern U.S., but not the southern.

--Jim Thomas 51

Raised beds seem to be ideal. These seeds take a while to germinate, so you may want to throw in a few radish seeds to mark the row.

Your method of cultivation would determine where you go from here.

I prefer nlantina them in narrow raised beds in rows 8" apart and would thin the seedlings to 6" apart.

Immediately after set­ ting out the seed, I lay mulch between the rows putting only a light mulch over the row to lightly shade it. The close planting allows th* leaves to grow up and shade the ground later.

Keep a good mulch on them and you may want to water them if it gets real dry. But, basically leave them alone all season, wait for the win­ ter freeze to come and for the tops to die down.

Then you can start harvesting fresh garden veg­ etables through the winter when the ground allows. Be sure to get them all out before they sprout out again in early spring.

Of interest to gardeners with a bent towards ex­ perimenting, this vegetable is a biennial - if you leave one of those roots in the ground by the time spring comes, it will sprout out into a huge, towering plant which will produce many flower heads. We once let the seeds ripen and remain on the plant and it went through a com­ pletely natural cycle where the seeds dried and fell through the fall and winter.

In the sprina, hundreds of baby plants sprouted up at the feet of the mother. We simply thinned as they grew up. The only problem with this method for me was that mulching was more difficult with ran­ domly spaced plants.

I am really intrigued with this way of growing plants - perhaps a few years of experimenting could perfect it.

If nothing else - you could harvest the seeds before they fall and plant them out in the early spring as usual.

over the wonders of a winter garden, I have de­ cided to elahorate on one in particular, your friend and mine, the parsnip.

What amazes me is that a vegetable of such out­ standing qualities could be forgotten so easily.

I hear of a few people that grow it, and run into few that have ever tasted it, much less be able to describe its looks.

I am grateful to my grandmother for my introduction to this wonder­ ful vegetable. she, & I shared a mutual love for it. I hope to pass it on to some of you.

Good luck and enjoy - - - - - - - - - -

The parsnip (Pastinaca Sativa) is a member of the carrot family.

It is similar to the carrot in that it is a long tapered root.

It is fre­ quently many times larger than a carrot, and is white. Upon cooking, it turns into a creamy yellow.

It is not often eaten raw - but is usually steamed or boiled.

It is delightfully sweet. My grandmother would slice, parboil and then saute them in butter. They are good simply steamed, then buttered. Check your cookbook for other recipes. Experiment with parsnips in breads or cakes as you would bananas or carrots.

Michael

Just a quick note to let you know of an organ­ ization needing support for its agricultural endeavor s .

It is a non-profit organization from Santa Cruz, CA named The Fruition Project that is working towards public access fruit and nut trees. Their main focus is wide-scale planting of bearing trees on public lands (along roadways, public parks) for foodstuff for all people. They're also interested in working with keeping strong seed stock and other interesting work with food crops.

Their flavor is just one of their good points.

The winter wonder of these plants are that you can havest it from your garden at times when nothing else is available.

It keeps in the ground all winter, and can be duo out at any time the ground can be dug.

People who live in climates that have freezing winters stand to reap the greatest benefit from parsnips as it seems that this vegetable has its best flavor brought out by the cold. This may be one reason why people ignore this vegetable; parsnips in warm climates or from the grocery store probably haven’t had a freeze to bring out their sweet flavor.

For a tax-deductible donation of $10.00, you can receive their bi-annual newsletter with the pro­ jects ideas, information and inspiration.

Address;

The Fruition Project Box 872 Santa Cruz, CA 95061 Well, ray friends, hope you all stay warm and cuddly with your visions and realities of sugar plum faeries throughout the winter.

Seeds should be scw»n as early in the spring as possible.

Because of their deep roots, the soil should be deeply spaded with a generous amount of composted matter to make a light, rich soil.

•Mark Senjarain 52

<;Pgds of the Earth: A Private and Public Resource?

By Pat Roy Mooney Institute for Food and Development Policy, 2588 Mission St., San Franscisco, CA 94110.

Some alternative sources of seeds:

The main focus of Seeds of the Earth is the threat to the world’s agriculture throligh grad­ ual reduction of the diversity of plant genes.

A non-profit society which acquires, propagates, and preserves plants native and naturalized in the Pacific rim. Membership $6 a year, or a donation of seed. Catalog ($1) includes vege­ tables, wildflowers, sprouting seeds, publica­ tions, and a list of "worthy seeds-roen."

Abundant Seed Life Foundation P.O. Box 772 Port Townsend, WA 98368

The developed nations are "have-nots" so far as plant genes go. Tropical countries have a much greater variety of plant life than do the coun­ tries of Europe and North America. The Amazon basin, for example, has at least 8 times as many plant species as the much more climatically di­ verse Mississippi basin.

Earthstar Botanicals Seed Collection 10417 Hwy 238 Jacksonville, OR 97539 $2 for catalogue of organically homegrown seeds.

Given man's dependence on a few species - wheat, rice, and corn account for 73% of all grain con­ sumption - climate, disease, and man-made dis­ asters can easily wipe out entire crops.

Pre­ servation of the wild and the primitive culti­ vated plants of the third world is a matter of urgency if we are to be able to develop hybrids to counteract any specific threats.

KUSA Research Foundation P.O. Box 761 Ojai, CA 930 2 3 A non-profit organization endeavoring to collect and disseminate ancient cereal grasses and folk varieties of crop species.

Mailorder Association of Nurserymen 210 Cartwright Blvd.

Massapequa Park, NY 11762

Unfortunately, the world-wide trend is just the opposite. Burgeoning population, land clearing, the Green Revolution, growing luxury crops for export to Europe and North America, and increas­ ing world-wide pollution are all causing plant types to simply disappear from developing nations.

A long, stamped, self-addressed envelope will get you a copy of "gardening by Mail," an index to catalogues of members, (61 in U.S., mostly the larger companies) which helps track down particular plants.

Seeds of the Earth is a fairly thorough examin­ ation of the problem, of what has been done to date in the area of gene banks, of what remains to be done, and of new threats, such as restric­ tive varietal legislation and the rather sinister involvement of multinational corporations in seed production (did you know Burpee was owned by the nice people at I.T.&T.?). While Mooney is prob­ ably preaching to the converted, so far as RFD readers go, the book does provide a great many facts and statistics.

Sanctuary Seeds 2388 West 4th Vancouver, BC V6K 1P1 Specializes in organically grown and old-fashion ed traditxonal varieties. Catalog ($1 donation appreciated) includes vegetables, culinary herbs medicinal herbs, bulk seeds, and sprouting seeds Seed Savers Exchange RR #2 Princeton, MO 64673

One minor criticism is that Seeds of the Earth is far too professional; it makes pretty dull read­ ing. Some information is presented in such an arcane fashion as to be useless: a table on page 23, for example, lists the 1977 contributions of various nations to the International Board for Plant Genetics Resources.

It's rather pointless to have lis ted the contributions all in their respective national currencies. Not many people own a 1977 currency conversion table, so that information is rather meaningless.

$6 annual subscription includes yearbook, lists of names and addresses of gardeners with seeds to swap, and Vegetable Variety Inventory, which is a list of commercial sources of open-pollin­ ated varieties.

Theodore Payne Foundation 104 59 Tuxford St .

Sunn Valley, CA 91352

A major criticism is that Seeds of the Earth treats the problems of plant genetics as if they were problems, and not mere symptoms of the dis­ ease which is our society. We are grossly over­ consuming, over-producing, utterly careless still - of the environment, and quite probably terminal.

Has a seed list of California wildflower3.

-- Jim Thomas

-- Jim Thomas EDITORS NOTE; See RFD #26, pp. 44-45 for more information concerning this issue and where you can get additional information on what you can do.

53

Drawing on the Right Side of thr> Brain--A Course in Enhancing Creativity and Artistic Confidence

by Betty Edwards From J.P. Tarcher, Inc. Distributed by Houghton Mifflin Co., 2 Park St., Boston, MA 02107

The Book of the Goddess, edited by Ann Forfreedom and Julie Ann From The Temple of the Goddess Within, P.0. Box 129^, Sacramento, CA 95817 $14.95

Of the many thousands of books that I've run across, this is definitely one of THE BEST--top ten. The main drive of the book deals with teach­ ing the reader how to draw realistically. It's the first book of its kind that can teach those who cannot draw (the population segment that I was in) how to draw. For those with more realized drawing skills, it's an incredible aid to gain fluidity in projecting three dimensions (the world) onto two dimensions (a flat surface).

Drawing is a skill. With effort, a skill can be learned. Obviously, some are more gifted in this area, but there is no reason (except our lack of education in the "educational system") why all cannot become proficient in drawing. Learning this requires blazing new neurological trails in the brain. It's exciting, relaxing and expanding.

Drawing is essentially a right-brain function.

Some R-brain characteristics: atemporal (subjec­ tive feeling of time--psychological time--as op­ posed to objective clock time), and intuitioninsight. L-brain characteristics: linear time experience, analytical--thinking in symbols. Our society and school systems are very L-brain modeoriented, so the use and facility of the R-mode ii stifled as one moves up (?) through the school system. Only those with strong drawing abilities retain the use. What Ms. Edwards does is to pre­ sent the reader with exercises which cannot be done while in the L-mode. Much time is spent to ensure that the R-mode is experienced. Moving in­ to the R-mode is an alteration of consciousness.

Tt's a meditatTve state and so very regenerating!

Besides learning how to draw (yes, there's more!), Ms. Edwards writes of how the process really be­ gins an adventure into experiencing altered states of consciousness. The personal ramifica­ tions are astounding. I'm still working thru the book, but I've theorized that all acts involve a left-brain balance for the specific task (even drawing). The book helped me to achieve that bal­ ance in situations where earlier I had great difficulty--e.g ., doing repetitive work in the left­ mode left me bored and tired--in the right-mode it left me refreshed and alive! I found that the R-mode was the state that most meditations start from. The exercises helped me get there and to be more focused.

I felt the love that Ms. Edwards put into the book.

She has a doctorate, yet signs the book without the official Dr. tag. Her humor pops thru--this is not stiff academia by any means. To top it off, it is interestingly and well illustrated and also has fabulous quotations from great thinkers around the world thru the ages. Just for the quotations, it is worth reading!

This is a landmark, whole book that will be hailed as a classic and a first. Don't miss it. It's well worth 895c Cheap for enlightment, eh! P.S.: Title does not refer to drawing on your bald-headed friends.

54

"I am Isis, I am Diana.

Those of you who know me not, Know not yourselves.

Many think they no longer have need of me.

They have forgotten . . . " -S.U. Moonsaille [p. 259] Tell me, how does one write a review of a volume whose contents have been so lovingly gleaned from sources dating from 2600 B.C.E. through 1981/ 9981 A.D.A.? Goddess knows, it is a task.

As a whole, the book is not a final product; it is, however, a means of introducing, continuing, re-inforcing, et al, the amazing renascence of Goddess Culture that has experienced a public re­ birth in the past decade(s). Through the use of essays, poetry, rituals, songs, one can become quite caught up in the intensity of experiencing the Mother--the Goddess--the Divine Feminine Archetype. I was especially drawn to the usage of art--original, historical reproduction, comic­ book, etc.--in portraying the progenitrix. Of primary import is the utilization of several paintings by Monica Sjoo--a "controversial" (?) wommon artist whose depictions of Wommon/Goddesshood have caused quite a stir in the bourgeoisart-patron circles. Brava!!

The usage of comic book art is eye-opening. Such characters as Wonder Woman (D.C. comics), the Scarlet Witch (Marvel comics), Storm/Droro (ibid.) and others have entertained and helped children/ adults subconsciously integrate the divine power of Wommon. I wonder if the patriarchal hierarchs at both D.C. and Marvel Comics are aware of this?

Some of the essays can be viewed as polemical in the eyes of neophytes. Howsomever, I believe that "manifesto" writing provides the necessary im­ petus toward beginning liberation--personal, po­ litical, spiritual, religious, etc. For example, "A Feminist View from the Northwest or Peanut Butter Without Much Jelly" by Shirlie Kaplan attacked my delicate masculinity and jarred/stimulated me to begin re-defining the misconceptions that I held about my politically correct" femi­ nist feelings. After several days of rumination, I re-read Ms. Kaplan and continued.

Of particular interest to me--being a religion major in college--is the section on the Goddess and Her relation to the Judeo-Christian Bible.

At long last, I was able to read selections by Elizabeth Cady Stanton--may she find joy and rest. Why do I mention Ms. Stanton? Well, her work, The Woman's Bible, was prohibited from my college courses.

In conclusion, I wish to say that if there was more room, each section of this tome would have at least a two page discussion, but . . . Ho well, She understands.

"The Goddess says: By love alone I may be known. Love is the only Law I know. All things live and are My own: from Me they come, to Me they go."

-Traditional tp. 328] --Grossmuttie

Gays Under the Cuban Revolution by Allen Young From Grey Fox Press Distributed by The Subterranean Co., P.0. Box 10233, Eugene, OR 97440 $5.95 Gays Under the Cuban Revolution is an interesting and important book for us to read, especially for those of us with a leftist leaning, indeed for all, as a part of our own history and how some elements of the larger political society would deny us our history, to say nothing of our lives.

Allen has already been quite a chronicler of our lesbian and gay culture (back when Out of the Closets: Voices of Gay Liberation first appeared, especially to those of us politically involved, it was a reaffirmation of all that we had done and were to do).

The basics of the book are probably best illus­ trated by reporting the table of contents: 1) Cuban Homophobia; 2) "Cleaning Up" Cuba; 3) Gay Refugees from Cuba; 4) My Own Story; 5) The Silence of the Left; 6) Point/Counterpoint; and 7) Documents.

A quick recap, for those of you either unaware of the politics of the situation, or perhaps too young to remember a world in which Castro was not head of Cuba. Cuba under Batista was a play capi­ tal for rich Americans; along with their tourist dollars came the demand for some services that couldn't be easily or quietly provided in Podunk; these services included the "purchase" of young boys. In many places today, the children of the poor, rather than being indentured to serve the rich as "common" laborers or house servants, end up serving the rich by satisfying their sexual needs. Couple the above with the fact that Cuba, like many other countries, was male chauvinist and male supremacist. So, enter Castro and a new society. If indeed boy prostitution and, there­ fore, heterosexuality has its most open manifes­ tation in conjunction with rich U.S. men, it would seem to be an obvious target. And to wonder why the Cubans didn't understand that homosexu­ ality was indigenous to their culture, one must remember those times--the 1950s in the U.S. weren't particularly better either. We had our own McCarthy era to deal with, in which homo­ sexuality and communism were linked, not only in the evilness of both, but in the established "fact" that the two phenomena were closely in­ tertwined .I I must admit that when I first started reading this book, and reading it as a "dispassionate" sort of history, I was jarred when the tone switched to a more personal sort of history, both of Allen's political past and his times dealing with a South of the Border culture.

Upon reflection I realized that, first, Allen is indeed someone who should be writing history from a personal viewpoint, having been so in­ timately involved in Gay Liberation (as well as earlier political movements and groups, such as Liberation News Service. If he didn't write all this down, how would we and succeeding genera­ tions really know our own history? Secondly, I realized that it is a ploy of the organized for­ ces of "education" and "academia" that would have us forego the personal for the larger, as a way of depersonalizing and removing us from something that is indeed personal, without de­ tracting from the larger.

Like Allen, I come from a leftist background (al­ though, admittedly, not as Red as his own). And as someone involved in movements for social change over the years, I have also ended up in meetings arguing the validity of the gay movement to leftist politicos, usually to no avail. Like many other gays, I opted out of left politics; there were so many other things to be done that I didn't need to bang my head against the pro­ 55

verbial wall. Besides, a movement that questioned my own validity and involvement obviously had faults, and if they weren't willing to work on correcting them, I had to wonder whether they had any answers at all.

One of my old comrades, Patrick Haggerty, had written both a song (Back in the Closet Again) and a short paper (Out, Out Damn Faggot) about his owji experiences in the Venceremos Brigade-not happy experiences. So I knew from those ear­ ly years of the movement, when I was typist for that paper, something of Cuba and the gay ques­ tion. The books by Allen with Karla Jay have al­ so had other articles on the same subjects. But no place have I seen this topic treated quite so fully as in this book. Allen is no apologist for Cuba; on the other hand, he is intelligent enough to realize that trashing everything Cuban for what is indeed a serious failing of their's is no solution either. He did realize that it was time to start questioning openly many other facets of Communism, at least as practiced by many of the countries that claim to be true de­ fenders of the new faith. Indeed, it was a call to go beyond all the "isms" that people are wont to defend. His life has put that into practice.

Allen has spent over three years in Latin Ameri­ ca, including chunks of time in Brazil and Mexi­ co, a Fulbright scholarship to the former, a Carnegie grant to the latter. He has interviewed and talked with many gay Cubans (though he points out that there seems to be much less, especially prior to the Revolution, about lesbians in Cuba, in much the same way that lesbians in this cul­ ture are also oftert overlooked). He has much experience in journalism and has the political background to help sort out the muddiness of the issue. In his present lifestyle, he contin­ ues to put his journalism to use by working for a local newspaper, while living in the country (his home has seen the production of a few RFDs!), and anti-nuclear work. This is a well-written, well-researched, and important book for anyone interested in the history and future of not only the lesbian/gay movement, but indeed the entire left movement.

--Faygele ben Miriam

My First Satymalia by Michael Rumaker From Grey Fox Press Distributed by The Subterranean Co., P.O. Box 10233, Eugene, OR 97440 $5.95 Getting a review copy of this book and a re-sub from Michael Rumaker here at Running Water, home of RFD, I was anxious to read this attractive book with two satyrs on the cover. (More lurked and loved inside.) By the author of A Day and A Night at the Baths, this book could be subtitled "An afternoon at a Backroom and an Evening at a Pagan-Faerie Orgy"! Quite a combo! (N.B.: Pagan and faerie are not synonymous terms.)

The book, in 194 pages, details his visit into the City (Manhattan), his bookstore hopping-spending about 80 pages in a backroom of a pom store. He devotes about the same number of pages to the evening Satumalia--a sensuous winter sol­ stice celebration called by some faeries in NYC a few years ago. Rumaker has a sharp eye and a great love for detail. One shares his experiences as closely as possible. A poetic, love-illy per­ sonal account of a backroom sex escapade and a god/dess-pagan-oriented faerie circle.

--DENIxo

New F.noland Rpadors : I am 30, attractive, sinale and settled in unstatn New York with nood friends, a productive and rewarding life, nut seek a comoanion for my affectations.

Are there others like myself here, say 25-35, with stable and meaningful lives they’d like to open care­ fully to another and maybe ex­ pand ?

I would like to hear from someone in rural western New England or northern New York interested in sharinn some time, thoughts, even labors if you’d like.

I ’d be esoecinllv willino to swan my abilities in building A con­ struction or woodlot work on nroiects of vours, for similar­ ly evonr i--need assistance with OI 1!O >e c ts of mine.

Or mavbe w> could cross-coun­ try ski. climb a mountain, bi­ cycle, canoe, or more. l^ets correspond; it would be nice to hear from vou.

Si nee rely, Ma r tin c 'o SF.DGW< WKS 302A Tut hi 11 Glens Falls, NY 12801

INTRODUCING A NATIONAL GAY/BI CONTACT CLUB FOR Men & Women

Confidential • Inexpensive • Convenient SASE TO: D ean Enterprises P. O. Box 2 6 0 4 4 San Jose, CA 95159

M a ll fo rw a rd in g a n d Photo R eprint S ervice A v a lia b le

"M eet By Phone or M ail"

Dear RFD Readers.

I would like to get out of here. Would like to move to warmer areas! that's the ONLY goal I'm sure of now.

My dreams vary to moods. Houseboats, beach bungalows, liveaboard sailboats, forest hideaways, metropolitan lofts, and nudist park cabins are good for starters. Southeast coast, southwest coast, Brazil, Australia, Caribbean, North Africa, Southern Europe, Mediterranean Isles are good places in mind.

The things holding me back are lack of funds, lack of experience, and most of all, fear of the unknown and failure.

I would like to hear from anyone that might have some advice on where to go, how to get there, what to do, and how to keep from having to go back.

With love, JERRY KOZMA P. 0. Box 1062 Plattsburgh, New York 12901

NjlfiC Confect wiik someone Special dnoiher f\3 D reader RFD prints contact letters free of charge. are always welcome.

~

Donations, of course,

Please condense your letter to 200 words or less. Brevity is the soul of wit and saves page space for others.

Soelling and punctuation will be corrected unless you state that you’d prefer the letter to be published "as is.”

Please be positive in stating your interests and affinities.

Saying "no" to any particular trait or human characteristic mav unnecessarily of ­ fend a brother .

Also remember that placing a contact letter engenders the res­ ponsibility to answer all replies.

Send your letter to:

RFD Rt. I, Box 127E Bakersville, NC 23705

56

Dear RFD readers, Another winter migration begins for me soon and this means another chance to meet new friends and see new parts of the country.

I'll be traveling across Canada the first part of January by train and could use a place for a warm meal and shower in the middle of Canada. In Vancouver, I could use a place to stay until I get a ride to Seattle.

After a week or so in Seattle visiting friends, I'll be traveling down the coast to San Francisco for the rest of the winter. I could use a few stops along the way to break up the trip.

I'm a tall, blonde, thin, Aquarian gardener arid hammered dulcimer player.

I'm a very good vegetarian cook and can carry my end of an intelligent conversation.

Also anyone having or knowing of any gardening work in the San Francisco area, please contact me c/o Tischler, 1514 Hudson Street, San Francisco, California 94124. I could use the work. Thanks, SCOTT LUSCOMBE 4211 Cuyler Road Truxton, New York 13158

Dear RFD Readers —

Dear RFD Readers, There is some part of all your lives which is a part of mine. Exchanging experi­ ences, emotional problems, and ideas with men who open their hearts to each other is both constructive and educational. As an unclo­ seted gay man who is elderly but still working as a pro­ fessional chemist, I have experienced much in the past predominant times of homo­ phobia.

Should you have the curiousity to learn more about me, do not hesitate to write. I am sure I will learn some in­ teresting things about you.

Express yourself freely, for I give you space to be exact­ ly as you are. I take delight in pornography as well as cul­ tural pursuits. So --- don’t hide the bare-assed facts, for I am certain we will have a mutual enjoyment in our corres­ pondence. May all your "hard" times, be good times!

A buddy with love and under­ standing, Arthur R. Sauer 537 Maple Avenue Teaneck, New Jersey

I’m gay, 57. and recently retired. After retiring, I purchased a large home on 4-^ acres, 23 miles south of Washington, D.C. The house is divided into two entirely separate and pri­ vate sections, each with full kitchen, bath, etc. I’m int­ erested in sharing with one or two gay men who enjoy country living.

The house is shaded by large beech and oak trees. The rest of the property is wooded as well, except for a garden plot about 80’ X 100’ and the front lawn. At one end of the garden there are a dozen grapevines which bore well this past season. At present the only animals I have are 2 5 laying hens.

If interested in sharing (or just visiting), call or write.

Jim Greco Box 166, Hiway 228 Waldorf, MD 20601 Phone (301) 8^3-9517

A L,ptm

07666 Dear R F D :

Greetings friends, I am writing this letter in search of a bearded mate to share a close and monogamous life together with a 30 year old husky, bearded, hairy bear that stands 6 foot tall in the Blue Ridge Mountain area of Western Maryland/West Virginia.

I am a papermaker, pnntmaker, book design and binder. Although I am not a vegetarian, I enjoy vegetable, herb, and flower gardening. I am masculine yet tender and an affectionate man.

Cigarette smoker I am, but not pot nor drugs. I don't care for the "gay social life" as such. If by chance you are interested in this goodlooking husky bear and you are not afraid of both a physical and an emotional bonding relationship, please write with photo to me.

Sincerely, GREG GORDON 3415 Point of Rocks Road Jefferson, Maryland 21755

I ha vp born a subscriber, for the nast year, and have just renewed my subscription, for another year.

I enjoy reading some of your articles, as I too, live on a small farm, 28 a c r e s , to be exact. I live alone, as in 1979, I was told I was a terminal person, and I just gave up on life.

I was with a young lover, for twelve wonderful years, when I was told the shocking news.

I only thought of Glenn (my better half) and wanted him spared of all the worry, and heartache that goes along with all that. I forced him our of my life and althought we part­ ed, we are still very close.

He is married now, and lives in Florida with two wonderful children.

In the latter part of 1980, after I had liquated all my holdings, as I was living in Indiana, at the time, I moved back to °enna. where I came 57

from, and just waited, only to find out it was all a mistake.

I went into a deep depression, and let myself go.

I gained weight (a lot) and became a recluse.

I worked with my bro­ ther in law for two years, and I have only recently made up my mind to do something with my life, once aaain.

I was a very suc­ cessful man at one time and left it all to dwindle away.

I have been in the manufacturing business for years and had given that up too. Now, I have bought an old farm and built a house on it and opened up a new fac­ tory (and already emnlov close to 100 people).

I am trvina to do something with myself and I need a little of vour support.

I am losino weioht, and trying to make m y s e l f u s e ­ ful.

I need friends, as I h a v e lived here since 1979 and don' t know anyone gay.

I am not e f ­ feminate.

I am 5'11" and at present, weigh 224 lbs. (ouch).

I am 4 3 yr s . old (this coming May).

I have brown hair and brown eyes.

I am not a greek god anymore, but I haven't scared anyone to death, YET'.!'.

No kidding though.

I would like to hear from anyone, who would like a friend.

I did w r i t e to a prisoner, about a year ago, only to he set up for money.

I only found out in time to save myself from losinq $3000.

I have become very cautious.

I don’t want friends from pity.

I am a verv sincere person and would like a tr tie friend.

T have been throtiah so much in the past few years, that T don't need anymore hassles.

I would rather stay alone, that hurt I have been.

You all seem like a ni c e group of people or I wouldn't have written.

I am a country per­ son who loves the country, animals, open air, travel, hunting, fishing and some­ one to share life with. Some­ one true, honest and willing to show love in return for love.

One to one.

Is there anyone left like that who isn't al­ ready spoken for??? Please write as I would like to get to know someone.

I live near Harrisburg, Penna.

I will look forward to hearing from someone soon.

Bill Dietrich Box 101 RD #2 Halifax, Penna. 17032

R.F.D. Readersi I'm a white, professional, fun-loving, outdoor person in my early fifties. I live on a nice farm that has almost every farm "critter" one needs -- horses, cows, geese, chickens, peacocks, etc.

Dear Brothers in RFD5 For the past twelve years I've been living in the Washington* D.C. area and have learned that the dty is not for me. Booze* gay games* drugs* noise* pollution, and food that's not fit for my dog} we have it all and I'm sick of it.

I've tried to find a person who is as tired of it as I am, but though they say they are, they aren't willing to take that first step with me and seek out a peaceful life in the country, A place where two men can be men and live and love each other and mother nature and all she has to offer. Am I asking for too much? I don't think so....

I'm 33, born 12/6/48, 6', 135 lbs and considered very attractive. I don't drink alcohol and don't have any patience for those who abuse it.

Needless to say I stay out of gay bars, and spend most of my time with my dog at home. i want to sell all I have here and buy a piece of land in the country and build from scratch. I'm presently employed full-time and own my own contracting company so I can do it.

If there is anyone out there who thinks as I do please let me know* maybe we can salvage something of our lives and live it out in peace.

RAY DUBOIS 2800 South 5th St. Arlington, Virginia 22204

Gay Housing In Asheville’.

Permanent and overnight rooms for rent in huge old downtown rooming house.

Shared baths and kitchen. Reasonable rates. No pets. Apply tol MIKEL WILSON, 115 Montford Av., Asheville, NC 28801 Phone!(704) 258-0449

David Curtis in Columbia, T N , wants to get in touch with others in his area who might be interested in networking. His addressing is 801 Oakdale Drive, Columbia, TN 38401.

I do a great deal of horse­ back riding and wonder if any of you- are interested in stopping by if you are down -- or up -- my way.

I’m not looking for anything permanent -- just thought it would be interesting to meet new people and give you a break in your journey to wherever. I have plenty of room for an overnight. I only live about 5 miles off

Dear Friends from RFD* With friendship in mind, I'd like to contact gays and lesbians visiting Tampa (where I recently relocated) and living nearby. Also, I'd like to reac >those who reside in rustic or suburban areas around San Francisco, to where I'll eventually move, I'm retired at 44, a college graduate, liberal, humorous, bearded and earthy.

My interests are urban (theater, exotic cuisine, foreign films, etc.)? my values are rural (country living, healthful lifestyle, animals, etc,).

Please phone — (813) 879-4447, write, or send cassette.

Warmly, RAMON GARCIA 6805 N. Sterling Avenue Tampa, Florida 33614

1-8 5 .

Hope to hear from you soon -write, call or stop by.

Harold Martin Box 100 - Route # 1 Pendleton, South Carolina 29670 Phone (803) 261-68^9

Dear Readers* Somewhere out there must be one or more of you in the same situation in which I find myself. Middle-aged, married, a father of grown children, locked into the community and climbing the walls to find someone between 35 and 55 with whom I can unwind, love and be myself.

I have a little place in the southern part of the state where I go from time to time and would really like to share it with someone who could enjoy it and me. My likes are of a wide range, even can handle very light S fc M, but my real hope is to find someone who I can talk to, hold, make iov* to and spoil a little.

I'm not macho but I'm not effeminate, 5'9", 160#, good-natured, well-traveled and read. Will try to fulfill all your needs and to provide for you the same type of outlet that I am seeking for myself — someone with whom I can have an intimate and equal relationship with no holds barred, Total discretion with all replies for I respect how we must live...but too, I want to find a man for my needs and whose same needs I can help fulfill.

JOHN GORDON 386 N. Milledge Avenue Athens, Georgia 30601 58

Dear RFD Readers, I would like to meet other guys interested in birds and animals. Raise peafowl, pheasants, guineafowl, geese, ducks, turkeys, etc. Climate here almost perfect. Have 6 acres below Tampa with possibilities of housing, trailer park, etc. Need a working partner to develop. Am 51, 6'21', 195#, WGM, Sagittarius, straight-acting. Not into bars, baths, etc. Enjoy penpals.

Thanks, LARRY Green-Star Farm RR 1, Box 435F Palmetto, Florida 33561 Dear RFD Friends, My lover and I recently moved from Chicago back to my home territory of rural Iowa. We presently live in an old rented farm house with kids and grandma, We're looking forward to gardening and raising livestock for pets.

We love the beauty and comfort of the CQcrttry and we're glad we moved} but, we do occasionally miss the exatmant, the variety, and the noticeable gay peer group the dty has to offer. We're interested in meeting people in our area, travelers on 1-80, or even corresponding with people with similar interests and lifestyles.

I'm Tom, 35, 5'10", 160#, long brown hair, short beard, a social worker.

Josh is 26, 5'9“, 165#, dark hair, beard. We enjoy nature, children, animals, old movies, and simple pleasures.

We're honest, caring, sensitive, fun-loving, slightly crazy, and hot.

TOM CARPENTER RR *1, Box 86 Colfax, Iowa 50054

Dear RFD enJOyers: While i have been fotoing R.F.D. for years, today i saw (& val­ ued) my first copy of RFD--i am impressed 1

Dear RFD: I'm a resident of Minneapolis, Minnesota which means soon there will be much snow and cold and time for writing warm letter s .

I celebrated my 28th birthday on October 17th.

I'm 5'11", 160 lbs. My hair is dark and short. My beard is cropped close to my face.

I love to bicycle, read, walk, talk, hold men in my arms, smooch and play. Most forms of music suit me fine while doing any of the above.

I'm a self-employed carpenter, enjoying what I do very much.

I don't practice any form of organized religion, but am quick to add, my spirituality is of great importance to roe.

Another important if not joyful part of life for me is the ex­ change of ideas, thoughts, feel­ ings, information, et al. with other gay men. Somehow it is healing for me.

I will appreciate your reply, gentle reader.

Peter Stone 2317 Bryant Ave. S. #2 Mpls . , MN 55405

Hello — I am interested in getting to know people who enjoy life outside of cities. I like spending time with friends, romping around in the open spaces, hiking, camping, skiing, swimming, chopping wood, and everything that goes with that kind of life. A place is not necessary, just an interest. I'm presently living and working in Minneapolis. I'm 32 years °ld, stocky but not overweight, interested in photography, long walks, friendship, star-watching, etc. Please write.

J.S.

p*0. Box 8534 Minneapolis, Minnesota 55408

Ass a boy, i loved being on the river in my home-built little boat, in a wonderfilled rural area of upstate New York. One day, i was perhaps 8 yo, i hap­ pened to see Peter and his wife swimming most naturally in the river behind their home. Their two sons were with them, the youngest of which was still a baby--and of the four, he was the only one wearing anything (other than warm wet skin): diapers. They invited that i join them and i was most pleas­ ed to do just that. Their com­ pany was a welcome relief and it was soon obvious that Peter was Bisexual (at least when it came to boys) and i did enjoy him while he was fotoing me in my birthday suit.

By age 12, i was borrowing his 35roro Ppntax, so that i could foto other children (after talking them into taking their clothes off). Soon i was also fotoing the erotic delights of Peter, his wife and their spec­ ial "nudist" friends.

In 1969, while in Jamaica, i bought my own Pentax Spotmatic (1.4) and have really enjoyed fotoing all manner of the er ­ otic diverse ever since. Dur­ ing the past 4+ years, i've al­ so much enjoyed a fine 70mm still camera.

Now married, with two young children, we enjoy visiting family nudist camps.

Perhaps they enjoy it more than i do, in that i find much Dishonesty in such places.

No doubt about it : my one great passion/mania is making fine color fotos of those peo­ ple who are--for one reason or another, in my eye--"visually stunning" and/or those who en­ joy the intensity of erotic de­ lights that are visually stun­ ning and/or much less than com­ mon. Age, gender combination and the nature of their erotic delight are not my concern (even though i do prefer fotoing males) --i am only out to make visual­ ly stunning fotos (even if it means that "no faces" show).

So far i have enjoyed fotoing (even if i haven't enjoyed

59

engaging in): JO, serai-pub­ lic, on motorcycle & horse*back, anal dildo & enema, F F , w/s, B&D, leather, rubber, genital tattoos & piercings, scat and animals.

It is that i a. usually not taken by the vast majority of male/female couples.

Also, i have interest in short wave radio listening (born in Belgium, i understand some G e r ­ man and Dutch/Fleroish) and fine stereo equip, (esp. for Wagner & boys choirs in Latin or G e r ­ man ).

It is that i much enjoy contact with other active fotobugs in other countries. When they also have stereo cassette tape decks, we enjoy talking via tapes.

Working in the canyons of C h i ­ cago (LaSalle Street) is so against my nature that i won't even say that "its for the birds".

So it is that i would like to hear from any RFD fans who might want anything from a fine (and discreet) "genital por­ trait" to having their more in­ tense enjoyments fotoed. No, i have ZERO interest in buying or selling anything--i am only out to please others with the fotos that i make of them (in that this 37 yo, 6 ft., 190 pounder dares not face the ca ­ mera himself) naturally, Eric Neraa Postbox A-3248 Chicago, IL 60690 USA

------CONTACT LETTERS-------

Eureka Springs is a quaint, Victorian, mountain city of 2000 people. The population is very diverse and there is a good size gay and lesbian community.

There are also lots of tourists and heavy-duty Christians. For the most part, it is a very pleasant and inexpensive place to live.

Want to know more about this opportunity? Write to us, Jane and Billy, at: Pita Hut 2 Center Street Eureka Springs, Arkansas 72632 Also, any of you RFD readers passing through, sjop by and say hi.

In peace, BILLY KING ---'

Dear RFD Readers,

Dear Back-to-Naturers, I am living in a rural but rather industrialized! mid western town of 25i000. Need to get in touch with nearby nudists and other travelers who would enjoy an engaging time on Country Club Road. I will show you my etchings if you show me yours. Have a stockpile of natural foods( but no field to plow.

My interests center around my job as com-.unity college instructor of artf photography* drama, and literature.

Always zwimming, running, or biking.

Hope to hear from someone near or traveling xhrough northeast Nebraska.

Write with photo to' PATRICK KEATING Apt 3 1404 Country Club Road Norfolk, Nebraska 68701

I have never advertised or whatever you would call this but I thought I would give it a try. I moved to Texas a few years ago and I really like it here. The problem is I don’t know very many people. I’m not really into gay bars, baths, etc. I’ve been to them; they’re ok, but I’m not into one night things. What I want is a guy to come home to, to share things with, to travel with and to love. To do things for and to do things with.

I am 23 years old, 5’7", 1 3 5 lbs, brown hair, hazel eyes.

I was born July 6, 1959 (can­ cer). I like horseback riding, camping, walking, outdoors, music; if anyone is interested in similar things, please write.

Sincerely, Rick McCarter Route #5 Corsicana, Texas

Dear Brothers, My partner and I are looking for one or two people to either buy or take over as managers our small, natural foods restaurant in the Ozarks. Our outdoor cafe is open six months a year (May thru early November), and is located in the center of the business district in Eureka Springs, Arkansas. We serve mostly sandwiches and salads, have a regular and steady clientele and have been operating 2 - 1 / 2 seasons.

The person(s) we are looking for must be responsible, honest, hardworking, interested in whole foods, committed, have some basic cooking skills, and be available to start working in mid-April, 1983. We will give complete training in running the business and can arrange inexpensive housing.

75110

My friend and I are experi­ enced horsemen and are look­ ing for jobs working for/with other Gay people. We are presently working with race horses at Turf Paradise in Phoenix, Arizona. Another race track location would be all right, but a farm or resort situation would be preferable.

Willing to relocate.

Contact Tim Gnabasik Turf Paradise 1501 W. Bell Road Stable Gate Area Phoenix, Arizona 85023 60

Hello RFD Readersl I once planned a gay commune that was self-contained both in life supporting and emotional needs. When I tried to implement my plan I found’ * the bar crowd is content to guzzle drinks and grope crotches * the street scene is not interested in Anything * real people are difficult to find Rather than give up my dreams I've decided to ’ go public” and try to reach some of the people I read of in the Contact section of RFD who want care, concern, love, support and some degree of financial security, Some of the things I'm coming from are! * since I'm an ordained minister I have come to believe that Christ would roll in his grave at the way his so-called followers have perverted his message. * in today's economy a group of people can make it much better than one individual struggling. * that being gay is a spiritual experience. * that I want a commune of kindred souls who will support and love each other, a group of folks that are “people” first and gay second.

Can such a thing be? Before getting in touch mull over some of the following: ♦ any venture like this will cost money, labor, skills and dedication. ♦ living with a group of people requires accepting a gamut of personalities that can sometimes get touchy. * people will view us with suspicion, hostility and resentment.

So, we want to hear from you. We are!

Jack 38, Betty 35, Rick 25, Sammy 23, James 19, Ronnie 14, two cats and 1 dog, Please, our budget cannot stand any collect calls.

REV J. CHILDERS, Sanctuary P. O. Box 2355 Tulsa, Oklahoma 74101 (918) 585-5021

Dear Friends, I would like to make contact with men in the Pacific Northwest who are not racist, are not looking for a “lover", sexual companion, or someone to play games with. Many thanks, L D HARTFIELD 507 - 3rd Avenue #884 Seattle, Washington 98104

Dear RFD Folks* It's beautiful but lonely out here in Trillium. Our Calico Bear Tribe is SNUG in its woodland tipi below Mother Rainier. Jessie the dogger and E.T. stalker, the feline, keep me company during the night. Lovely Laurie is usually away at work in Seattle, an eighty-hour week. I'm left keepin' the home fires burnin'. We're all bisexual, politically gay, feminist and lonely.

We would love to love other country and tipi folk, gay or straight, plutonic or otherwise. No matter how our lives are rearranged, we'll be here waiting for gentle folk to enjoy and share our love with.

DAVID CALICO BEAR P. O. Box 336 Spanaway, Washington 98387 S''—

Hi Guys!

I am goodlooking, 35, beard, 6', 180 #, masculine, loving, spiritual, very creative, sensual, good sense of humor, generous, and peace loving.

I'd like to hear from Flea Market Guys, Country Dudes, Southern Men, Native Americans, and Cowboys who are tall, masculine, hot looking, good kissers, age 35-45. No heavy drugs, alcoholics, S Sr M, or bullshitters.

Some of the things in a man that turns me on are! beards, long hair, tattoos, tans, big dicks, hairy chests, and green eyes. But the “inner man" counts first.

Please send letter detailing your likes, dislikes, etc. Let's swap photos and more! This could be your warmest winter.

With manly affection, JOE LEMBO P. O. Box 99444 San Francisco 94109

Dear RFD:

This apple farmer in Eastern Washington has not vet found a liferoate interested in small town living and raising 400 tons Delicious type apples each year and having these 6 mutts love you to death.

I think this is a great deal for someone, with security and peace and affection plus honesty.

Photo please and I will send some farm pictures in return.

Would like to hear from Man interested in '83 gardening partnership on my northern Mendocino Co. (CA) Back-40.

Person applying should be adapt­ able to campsite living and being alone in peaceful wild­ erness area four days a week (although Gay neighbors in area). Am not seeking relation­ ship, but good business partner.

My personal interests are fit­ ness, good rock music, chess, comrade love, hiking, beaching it, trail building and construc­ tion.

If you have a free sea­ son, May to October, some small income or savings for personal food and necessities, and a great thumb, get in touch soon.

G— W

--

Dear RFD Readers, We are two gay psychologists who are putting together a consumer guide for lesbians and gay men who are in/or thinking about psychotherapy. We are particularly interested in the therapy experiences of rural gay men and women.

We would appreciate feedback about the following J 1) positive or negative therapy experiences 2) ways in which RFD readers have found (or haven't found) good therapists 3) names and addresses of 9*y/affirming therapists RFD readers recommend permission from RFD readers to use their responses in the guide.

Please send any responses to us, MARNY MALL and STEVE MORIN, at 1015 Elbert at*, Oakland, California 94602

Farm for rent; 25 acres in the Sierra Nevada Mountains, North Central California, midway be­ tween Sacramento and Lake Tahoe (3 hours east of San Francisco).

Half meadow, half forest, all year creek, lake stocked with fish, lh bedroom house, plus greenhouse, trailer, homestead­ ers' cabin, tractor shed. 50 apple trees, 7 pears, 7 peaches, 2 cherries, wild plums, 200 ber­ ries, garden, etc. Mellow neigh­ bors, closest gay neigher 1 5 miles. Chickens and ducks. $400 month (negotiable), one year lease minimum. Super­ beautiful environment, but very isolated from any remnants of gay life. For more informations Steve Ginsburg, P.0. Box 79.

Mt. Aukum, California 9 5 6 5 6 (916) 626-4344

—

Doar RFD:

Orv Storlie Rt 1, Box 60-C Brewster, WA 98812

RFDers»

Richard Box 131 Leggett, CA 9 5455

If anyone is considering visiting Europe on a Eurailpass or so and would like a place to stay, Eric and myself are more than willing to put you up for a few days. Just drop a line to!

DARIN MOORE Gerlach Strasse 8 5377 Dahlem Kronenberg West Germany 61

*

I want to have gay/bi men as penfriends, age between 35 to 60 years. Not young men, not hard stuff, not prison­ ers .

I’m a 36 year old gay mar­ ried since 1 6 years (1 daughter); wor as gradu­ ate librarian at the Ger­ many National Library.

Have a lot of hobbits and interests. Will answer all letters (with photo have priority).

Please help me, when possible.

Thanks, and many greetings from Roland.

Roland Grimmer Lortzingstr. 16 DDR - 7010 Leipzig

4-I am a 62 year old dutch gay living alone; I want to meet a dark or black friend, or a white friend, masculine, coming to Europe; they can write or telephone me and I can give hospitality.

Sincerely, Sipke Bink Eikenstr.27-7 8924 JB Leeuwarden Nederland tel.058-665200

EEDVOOLS BUTTERFLIES lry>

/1 tv>n T ) r ^ U ^

Big Bob who runs the office with an iron fist in a v p 1v p t glovp, suspects that the ppoplp who work for him gpt more out of life than he does.

He takes home more dollars: twice as many as his admin, asst., three times as many as his secretary, but he isn't happy.

It bothers him (only a little, he thinks) when the crew doesn't laugh at his jokes.

It bothers him (only a little, mind you) that he is never invited to their parties.

In short, not only does Big Bob aspire to be rich and powerful, h» wants love.

What he doesn't know is that he can't have every­ thing. Well, not all at once.

Which brinqs me to Dolan's Law (I might as well have one; nearly everybody else does): "You can't have everything." You can have anythinq, but not everything. This doesn’t mean you shouldn't try. God knows, we were programmed to be Renaissance women and men, weren't we? On the other hand, this is the age of specialization.

Certain choices tend to rule out others.

It's not really a matter arguing to keep one's lim­ itations.

It's more a matter of acknowledging and working around them.

Can Leonard Bernstein perform open-heart surgery?

Can Jonas Salk compose a first-rate symphony?

Take body builders. A complaint I've heard about these likable fellows is that they haven't de­ veloped their minds as much as their magnificent bodies.

It stands to reason if I spend three hours a day bent over my Indian Chief writing tablet, in addition to eight hours in Big Bob’s office, I won't have much time for biceps and pecs.

Then why are we so defensive? Why does the body builder insist he's also an intellectual and tell me he's "read everything by Ayn Rand"? And why do I tell people I belong to a gym, failing to mention that I rarely go? Do I have to be Shakespeare and .Schwarzenegger?

Of course not.

I'm free to be as lopsided, as eccentric as the body builder who thinks the New York Review is a stage show. What I'm ask­ ing for, I guess is a little humility.

Let's not pretend to be more than we are.

Let's try not to lie. Let's acknowledge and learn to love our limitations.

Yes, Rocky, it's okay to be a mindless hunk.

In fact, it may be wonderful! There are days (and nights, too) when I'd love to be one. And it's okay to eschew weights in favor poetry, politics, or pottery.

At the risk of waxing Whitmanesque, I want to celebrate mindless hunks and hunkless minds. And all others who shamelessly specialize, who concentrate on one marvelous aspect of them­ selves. But I celebrate even more the woman or man who miraculously manages to kooo body, mind, and spirit in perfect harmony and balance.

62

If I haven't yet alienated the Terry Cole-Whitaker crowd ("You can have it all, but especially money!"), I'm about to--with Dolan's Second Law. It goes like this: "Nothing works very well for very long." Of course, it depends on what we mean by "very well" and "very long". Consider our beloved country, the oldest, continuously functioning "democracy" in the world. Would the Founding Fathers recognize it today? And how would they feel about Vietnam and Watergate?

How might Washington, Adams, and Jefferson feel about the F.B.I., the C.I.A., our "nuclear de­ terrent"?

On a less heroic scale, most relationships also undergo entropy. They last a day or a decade, a week or a winter, and we are devasted when they end or evolve so as to become, like old nations, barely recognizable. Lovers go their separate ways or turn into roommates.

I don't like it. I don't think anybody does.

I didn't like the way my relationship with Tony ended.

I can understand why some give up on love and go for money.

I was angry and depressed.

I felt stupid, wondering how many times I'd have to go through this before finding somebody who was just right for me. On one hand there was relief that the worst was over. On the other, sorrow that the best was over, too. Months later the wounds are still healing.

Reminded that relationships are easier to get into than out of, I'm in no hurry to start a new one.

I'm still exploring, still having adventures.

In some ways it's like a Second Coming Out. I'm seldom lonely and I like coming home to an empty house.

I'm still reflecting on the meaning of time shared, still trying to understand. Sure, I wish it had lasted longer, a lot longer. But, I tell myself, butterflies are no less beautiful than redwoods though their time is shorter.

It’s great to aim for the stars.

I shouldn't be surprised that my little arrows fall to earth.

But I always am.

I want to move beyond that.

I want somehow to learn to love everything that is connected with roe. Everything that is human mortal, finite.

I sometimes accuse myself of putting too much time and energy into this relationship business Somebody said, "For Gays, a relationship is a full-time job. We really work at it. We have to." I hope I've not been compulsive about mine, thought I suspect if I'd put as much into my career, I'd be as rich and powerful and miserable as Big Bob. ^

4519 Myrtle San Diego, ( 92105

Copyr ight : Tom Dolan 1982.

JUMP CUT, N o . 27

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