RFD Issue 51 Summer 1987 by RFD Magazine Gay

COUNTRY JOURNAL FOR GAY MEN EVERYWHERE A

MANAGING EDITOR: OFFICE MANAGER: ASSISTANT: ART DIRECTOR:

Ron Lambe Big Stone Charles Simpson Dwight Dunaway

VOLUNTEER DEDARTMENT EDITORS:

As I look back over the past seven years of working with and publishing this journal, I am impressed with the interplay of push and flow. I have tried very hard to respect the difference, but of course, being human, I have not always succeeded. This dynamic is operative in life in general, but it seems to be especially pertinent to working with RFD. A number of projects are planned, and sometimes they just don't come to be without a lot of "push." The trick is knowing what needs support and what is re sisting for a good reason. What is prompting this discussion is the failure of yet another feature. Like the Departments, my attitude is that this is an option which we would like to encourage but not something we have to have every issue. So, I haven't pushed very hard for those, and as it happens, the "flow" has generated plenty of interesting articles and stories. The Goddess provides. This rather unassertive approach is often misunderstood by people new to RFD. Since we look like other journals (generally), many people assume tfiat we operate like other journals. We don't. There are a small number of publications which function on a cooperative basis, and we are one of them. We have no reporters, we can't afford to pay for contributions, our editorial staff 1s volunteer, and the office staff is only supported minimally. Most of our support comes from subscriptions, and most of that goes directly into printing and production. This may not be all that unusual for a gay or lesbian publication, but it is unusual for most publications. And yet, it works. In fact, RFD just received a very favorable review in Utne Reader for which we are grateful. We often get supportive comments from other publications which is always encouraging, but most important to me is the ratification from the subscribers and readers. I feel that it is part of our self-reliancy that we don't feel a need to prove ourselves to anybody else--just ourselves. We certainly don't have to be big to be "successful" (although I still feel that we haven't reached all of our potential readership), but we do have to be useful, i.e. informative and entertaining. We are a forum for ideas and a reflection of our community. If what we publish is a bit chaotic or unfocused, that may well be because we are reflecting what is happening. And, our times are unfocused and uncertain. As a people, we are having to face increased hatred and fear. We have no choice but to deal with It. We are truly a beseiged people now, and we need to nurture and strengthen our support and communication networks among ourselves. This 1s one reason I remain committed to publishing RFD and facilitating the gatherings. Although my commitment abides, my part in this may change. Lately, I have been drawn more and more into my activism around environ mental concerns. Our Mother has been so terribly abused, and there are designs for further abuse which I feel must be stopped. We only have one planet; this is our home, too.

ARTICLES/ESSAYS: Richard Chumley, TN BOOK REVIEWS: Open P™ S . BEHIND BARS: Len Richardson, OR CONTACT LETTERS: Gary Wilson, MM COUNTRY KITCHEN: Buddy May, NC FEY ARTS: Franklin Abbott, GA FICTION: Randy Conner, CA GARDENING: Scott Tuzzollno, DC GATHERINGS:-Sundance, CA HEALTH: Pat Browder, NC HOMESTEADING: Kim Grittner, WI POETRY: Franklin Abbott, GA POLITICS: Stuart Norman, CA PROFILES: Warren Potas, DC SPIRITUALITY: Gerry Kamp, NY RFD is a reader-written journal for gay men which focuses on country living and encourages alternative lifestyles. Articles often explore the building of a sense of community, radical faerie consciousness, the caring for the environment, as well as sharing gay men's experiences. Editorship responsibility is shared between the Department Editors and the Managing Editor. The business and general production is centered at Running Water in western North Carolina. Features are often pre pared in various places by different groups. RFD is published quarterly on the equinoxes and solstices at Running Water, Rt. 1 Box 127-E, Bakersville, NC 28705. One year's subscription is $12.00 by second class mail; $18 for first class mail. Foreign subs (including Canada) are $14.00/year. Tel: (704) 688-2447. ISSN #0149-709X USPS #073-010-00 Non-profit tax exempt status under #23-7199134 as a function of Gay Community Social Services, Seattle, Washington.

My personal dilemma 1s that I see so many issues and concerns as vital and needing my support and participation, and yet I physically cannot do all that fwish to. I am getting to the point that I am not doing any of mv commitments well. And, I don't feel good about that. So, I am cur rently going through a reassessment of what I can and am willing to do. I feel that I am too much in the flow and am being swept along in the vast currents of current affairs. I certainly don't believe that I am unique 1n this feeling since so much social change is prevalent. If anything, I remain optimistic about the changes. Goodness knows, remaining with the current situation is unacceptable. Let us not fear the opportunity for a more just and loving society.

MEMBER: CCLM (Coordinating Council of Literary Magazines) C0SMEP (The International Assoc. of Independent Publishers) GLPA (Gay/Lesbian Press Assoc.) IGLA (Int'l Gay & Lesbian Assoc.)

Well, I invite you to go with the flow of this issue and understand that in a large part, it is a reflection of what we attract. And, we attract what we are. So, here we are!

INDEXED by Alternative Press Index P.0. Box 33109 Baltimore, MD 21218

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MICROFILMED by Alternative Media P.0. Box 1347 Ansonia New York, NY 10023

Photo by Allan Troxler

Franklin Abbott....... A1 ladres.............. Nathaniel Altman...... Mark Ameen........... .......... 16 Steve Anderson........ Big Stone............. ........ 60 Jay Bogan............. Pat Browder........... ....... 18,19 Aaron Cohen........... ........ 75 M.A. Def 1ne....... . .......... 59 Justin De Mello....... Bru Dye.............. Richard Thomas Edwards. .......... 22 Todd W . FIiedner...... Carl Vaughn Frick..... .... FC,32,71 Daniel Garrett........ .......... 43 David Gerry........... Kevin Girard.......... ......... IBC Harry Hay........ Michael Hile.......... ........ 66 Lloyd Hillman......... Ken of Triangle Farm... John Kohl.......... ......... 23 David Kwasigroh....... Lee Lawrence.......... ........ 30 John Lindsey-Poland.... .......... 55 Michael LoFumo........ Becket Logan........... John Arthur Maddox.... . David E. Martin....... ........... 45 Michael Mason......... ........... 42 Buddy May............. ........... 26 James William Meade.............. 66 Raeburn Miller......... .......... 42 Steve Morrow........... .......... 28 Carl Morse............. .......... 17 Sheryl L. Nelms........ .......... 44 Stuart Norman.......... .......70,75 Reed F. Noss........... ......... 32 Gary O'Brien........... ......... 31 Fay O'Dell dr.......... ......... 36 Richard Oloizia........ ...... 76,77 Les Parker............. ......... 27 Numa Pillion........... Jacob Rabinowitz....... ......... 43 Patrick Rivera......... ......... 21 Rowan.................. ......... 62 Raphael Sabatini....... ....27,74,77 Assotto Saint.......... ......... 44 Ed Schreiber........... ......... 56 Hi 11 el Schwartz........ ......... 45 The Seeker............. ......... 63 A11en Smalling......... ......... 74 Phillip Smith.......... ......... 23 Wlnthrop Smith......... ......... 45 Robert Stuart.......... ......... 38 Michael Swift.......... ......... 54 Ivor C. Treby.......... ......... 42 Allan Troxler.......... .......... 1 Walden................. .24,25,52,62 Ralph E. White......... ......... 24 Christopher Wiley...... ......... 43 Christopher M. Wright... ....... ..46 Gary Zak............... ......... 43

C ontributors

. „ „ „„

7/OJL , S'kWt'MS'R

C ontents I ndex

79X7

Tie fleeting a ro ru m

P roduction Big Stone Dwight Dunaway Ron Lambe Charles Simpson Front Cover Artwork by Carl Vaughn Frick Back Cover Artwork by David Kwasigroh

reamers

ARTICLES & ESSAYS Backpackers Cutting through Denial A Gay Man Visits Central America How Safe Sex Can Be Enjoyable In Praise of Nobody National Forum on Biodiversity Sunbeams in the Darkness Teachers of Tolerance Tradition Two Tributes to Rijk Wilkinson The Uncoupled Male We Don't Need Another Hero BOOK REVIEWS Abnormally Happy fSummerbell) Beyond Explanation? (Randier) Buddies (Mordden) The Confessions of Danny Slocum The Dallas Titans (Kuskin) In the Heat of Passion (Locke) Letters from a Great Uncle (Hall) The Lost Language of Cranes (Leavitt) Meatmen (Leyland) The Spirit and the Flesh (Williams) Taormina (von Gloeden) Watershed (Rees) BROTHERS BEHIND BARS Joint Venture Letter This Lonely Prisoner Winter Memories CONTACT LETTERS COUNTRY KIT CHIN FEY ARTS Dearly Departed They Make Watchbands, Don't They? FICTION Currents A Fly That Walks Q-Day Teachers HEALTH AIDS: Question of Death or Question of Life The Human Response to AIDS Perhaps Mother Nature Has Some Answers Walking for the Health of It HOMESTEADING The Basketmaker's House A Plain Brown Wrapper LETTERS POETRY As You Move Dream Maker Due Mi 1anesi Into Fish Like Words Loving Pigs and Chickens Plain Song Pleasure Avenue Sappho, Fragment 48 Short Story The Summer the Gypsy Moths . . . Triple Trouble Tutti The Wheel Butterflies POLITICS The Pendulum Swings PROFILES & INTERVIEWS Gay Hospitality Downunder SPIRITUALITY Sexual Obsession vs. Spirituality A Space for the Gods

28 56 35 24 23 32 36 58 69 27 46 59

Steve Morrow Ed Schreiber John Lindsey-Poland Ralph E. White, ed. John Kohl Reed F. Noss Fay O'Dell, Jr. Justin De Mello Steve Anderson Sabatini and Parker Christopher M. Wright M. A. Define

77 76 74 76 77 76 75 74 77 71 76 76

Richard Oloizia Numa Pillion Allen Smal1ing Ken of Triangle Farm Raphael Sabatini Stuart Norman Aaron Cohen Raphael Sabatini Richard Oloizia Harry Hay Lloyd Hi 11 man Richard Oloizia

68 66 66 66 78 26

Jay Bogan James Willi am Meade Michael Hile

17 16

Carl Morse Mark Ameen

38 54 60 41

Robert Stuart Michael Swift Big Stone Todd W. FIiedner

18 19 21 22

Pat Browder Pat Browder Patrick Rivera Richard Thomas Edwards

31 30 4

Gary O'Brien Lee Lawrence

43 44 42 44 45 43 45 42 43 48 43 42 44 45 42

Christopher Wiley John Arthur Maddox Ivor C. Treby Sheryl Nelms Winthrop Smith Daniel Garrett Hi 11 el Schwartz Raeburn Miller Bru Dye Jacob Rabinowitz, trans Gary Zak David Gerry Assotto Saint David E. Martin Michael Mason

Stuart Norman

Nathaniel Altman

63 62

The Seeker Rowan

C ontributors

. „ „ „„

7/OJL , S'kWt'MS'R

C ontents I ndex

79X7

Tie fleeting a ro ru m

P roduction Big Stone Dwight Dunaway Ron Lambe Charles Simpson Front Cover Artwork by Carl Vaughn Frick Back Cover Artwork by David Kwasigroh

reamers

28 56 35 24 23 32 36 58 69 27 46 59

Steve Morrow Ed Schreiber John Lindsey-Poland Ralph E. White, ed. John Kohl Reed F. Noss Fay O'Dell, Jr. Justin De Mello Steve Anderson Sabatini and Parker Christopher M. Wright M. A. Define

77 76 74 76 77 76 75 74 77 71 76 76

Richard Oloizia Numa Pillion Allen Smal1ing Ken of Triangle Farm Raphael Sabatini Stuart Norman Aaron Cohen Raphael Sabatini Richard Oloizia Harry Hay Lloyd Hi 11 man Richard Oloizia

68 66 66 66 78 26

Jay Bogan James Willi am Meade Michael Hile

17 16

Carl Morse Mark Ameen

38 54 60 41

Robert Stuart Michael Swift Big Stone Todd W. FIiedner

18 19 21 22

Pat Browder Pat Browder Patrick Rivera Richard Thomas Edwards

31 30 4

Gary O'Brien Lee Lawrence

43 44 42 44 45 43 45 42 43 48 43 42 44 45 42

Stuart Norman

Nathaniel Altman

63 62

The Seeker Rowan

Gentlemen,

Vearest Ron, It breaks mu heart to give up my 4ub6CAA.pti.on to REf>, but the time has come.. 1 am no longer a ward of the s ta te , 7 have been "cured" of my mental illn e s s and have returned to mu home,torn heAe in the fo o t h ills . And i t '6 area t to be back! 7 m i l be back in touch with uou when 7 have the extra few dollars to spend for REV. Meanwhile, 7 am deeplu gratefu l to uou for sendinq uour great magazine during a time when 7 needed your care and the friendship o f REV's pages.

But white 1 enjoy RFP, 7 remember being on uour uniting la s t because you had only so many sub scriptions for prisoners (and men tal patien ts). So it's time some one e ls e gets mine. And you can t e ll that friend 7 hope RFP gives him the pleasure it's given me. 7 am happy to sail things have r e a l ty improved (for gays) since 7 "e s caped’’ firm here ten years ago. Rut we s t i l l have a tong way to go for sure. It's been a t i t t l e tough ra me because T'm not into the bar scene, but time w ill bring someone to love.

There are manu I ’ve come in contact with who are proud of being gay, yet are very happy with a tow keyed way of l i f e . It's live and l e t liv e . Pon’ t muddy the waters. Gays in the midwest are not happy being this way. Thanks again. S hell, North Carolina Gay a ctiv ists have always accused the CIA or possibly another foreign secret service as either acciden tally or intentionally spreading the AIVS virus for whatever pur pose. I have always doubted the citiz en 's a b ilit y to stand up against the government when that government wants to repress certain

information, but I fe e l that I can not remain s ile n t any longer as our brethren are falling a l l around us. 7 am certain today that, my source of information would eith er deny or clam up on the subject i f asked again so it. is a t the readers’ d is cretion as to whether or not he can trust and believe me. 1 served in the. Is r a e li army as a medic in regular service and la ter in reserves in a M.A.S.H. unit. White in reserve training and while half asleep during the lectu re on ABC warfare (Atomic, Biological, Chemical) one. bri.ef point stuck out in my mind, and that was that in biolog ical warfare the purfoose ioos to in fe c t your enemy with a disease against which your own population had a vaccine. It was furthe.rmore mentioned: "They are doing some in teresting research in auto-immune diseases." I want to note, that this was mentioned by the very same doctor in two separate training sessions o f our unit, each a year apart. I had assumed that "They" referred to the U.S. as the U.S. was previously mentioned in the lectu re on research in the fie ld o f the bubonic plague. This was mentioned in 1978, 1979, before A 7PS was r e a lly known. I returned to the U.S. in 1982 and upon hear ing more about the "Gay Plague" 7 could not get out of my mind what 7 had heard. This particular doc tor, 7 might add, axis in a top para troop unit several years e a r li er and being in such a unit, I'm sure that he teas privileged to cer tain high information. While AIt>S is not exactly an auto immune disease whereby the body creates an immune response against its own c e lls , i t does leave me thinking in horror o* what experi ments they may have in store for the future. yours, Flan Ren Sarah, New England 4

I t is with great, restraint, that 7 have refrained from writing with a "Where have you been a l l my life?" motif. Vou cannot begin to know how my discovery of your publication has changed my l i f e . Simply know ing there are men (and loomen) out there who share my views on l i f e and who love and care for the Earth as much as I do has given me a new hope and optimism for my l i f e . There is a joy and love in the words of you and your contributors that I have been unable to find elsewhere in the gay world. . . . Best wishes, health, and peace to a l l of you,

. . . I have to thank you for in troducing me to Another Mother Tongue by Judy Grahn and to the work of Louise Hay, the healer work ing with AIVS )oatients in California. Thanks so much for doing what you do. Also, a weird coincidence: A harp i s t friend of mine (7'm a profes sional harpist, to o ) who liv es in Efland was a t a meeting of our Harp Hassies Society, talking about the strange le tte r s she was getting ad dressed only to REV. She didn’t know what they meant. We figured oat from my remembering from the IT a r tic le that you were published from there b riefly --sh e liv es in Eaygele's mother’s old house out in the icoods. Ain't l i f e Grand? Keep yourselves well and happy and doing the wonderful job that you do. Best Wishes, B ill Pan Patten, North Carolina

Vean Fellow RFVens The BeaA has {ound his mate, and vice-versa. Just. oven one yean ago a contact le t t e r ivas published: "Bean, seeking Cub to shone cozy cave," etc. A{ten responding to about 40 answer ing letten s, toe one happy to say that the Bean has fin a lly met his mate [coincidentally, also knorn as "Bean")--and many m nder{ul {nlends besides! We have exchanged some 60+ letten s and {oun cnoss-countny v is its . We have met each other's parents and have been slowly accepted by each o{ oun {am ities. We one planning to make oun liv es togethen on oun Cati{onnia {anm. The Bean w ill wel come his bean-mate when he moves out {nom Vermont in the spnlng. Fon 20 ye.ans we two have been seek ing each othen. In the n eallty o{ oun love we have {ound mone than elthen o{ us dneamed p ossible. Oun search has been well toont.h I t . We m it e this letten to give hope

to othens. Have {alth In the uni verse that you w ill {Ind that spe c ia l someone. Voun soul-mate Is out thene l { you want, him to be, and even though a t times we may a lt {eel alone and unloved, neven get dls counagcd. I{ you b eliev e In love you w ill be sune to find love.

{ound in most othen gay publications, about the thoughts, {eatings, the liv es o{ othen Aquarian Conspirators, the New Vonk Times, etc. Are these anticle.s helping oun brothers to to see things happening in ways 7 heal? I personally {eel they ane dream about. not. Thanks, The gau community must nemain posi tive and move away {nom the mateniRogen K. Ewing, New Vonk atlsm and elitism that is so pre valent. We need to t ls ten to healens such as Louise Hay. We. ane in the New Age now. Please do not judge youn bnothens and sisten s. The" s train o { constant judgment uses enengy that could be used {on so much mone.

Vean Ron, . . . 7 am esp ecially happy to dlscoven a gay publication concerning it s e l { with such issues as nuclear toaste and the never ending manipula tion and nl.p-o{{ o{ Native Ameri cans, as well as neios, poetry, and {eatunes o{ s p e c ific gay in terest. That you ane not exploiting youn readers' needs {on love, contact and physical intimacy by using the contact letten s section {on revenue to help support, the journal was a {Inal, deli.ght{ul surprise. All o{ this is to say that 7 wish to join the {amity o{ RFV subscrib ers and readers . . . Much Love, Timothy Ingram, Cali{ornia

Oun h e a rtfelt thanks to RFV, Its sta {{ and neadens. We have a goat {anm and cheese {actony hene In the Sienna F o otkills. Come v is it us sometime.

The Beans P.O. Box 356 Gnass l'alley, CA 95945*I dean RFV:

I salute youn tim eliness and the e{-

{ont extended to bnlng togethen di verse aspects o{ a veny dlvense "sub-subculture" Into ]each and eveny) one penlodlcal.. 7 am gnate{ul {on the oppontunlty to read

In love, Rainbow, Ohio*I7 Vean Ron, . . . 7 generally like the overall content o { RFV: con{enence/wonkshop announcements, news items, a r tic le s {eatuning real country {oik or a gathering, and non-{ictional items pertinent to survival on simply en joying l i f e in the country. 7 also lik e the. contact letten s and photo graphy. 7 don't, particularly {Ind the "Bnothens Behind Bars" or the {lctlon al sto ries help{ul. 7 {ind the large volume o{ photos o{ men in women's clothing quite, disconcert ing. 7 don’t lik e the t i t l e "Kit chen Queen" on its accompanying caricature. I would instead pne{en mone a r tic le s and photos about, country l i { e and non-{ictlonal pieces such as agri culture, building, homesteading, {arming. An altern ative to "Kit chen Queen" might be a {ood l i s t {on a back-packing weekend trip into the wilderness {on example. Also I would much pne{en to see photos o{ men in men's country clothes on without clothes.

Love and Peace,

. . . I discovered RFV during a visit, to Shont Mt n ., T enn. la s t { a ll. With a gneat deal o{ ex cite ment, as 1 am working on a way to get closer to the "pnalnle" and I just kneiv thene had to be an RFV and a Shont Mountain, and thene I s !

Let us nemain open-minded to the many alternatives av ailable {on healing the planet and ounselves.

7 r e a liz e that, any publication can Congratulations on publishing a not begin to to ta lly sa tis {y a ll it s {Ine journal! We look {onwcuid to readers. 7 hope my comments are each issue. Hope{ully we w ill see taken as my personal ideas without RFV stay in the vanguard o{ the New Txje. Love Is the answer my bnothens. any Intentions to take away {nom any o{ the generous contributors which U matters not what Spiritual path give RFV l i { e . you take. On even l { you r e la te to God. But please do r e la te to Love. Take care and 7 wish you continued S el{-lov e, Love o{ Mother Earth and happiness and success. every {onm o{ l i { e on the planet is important {on a l l healing. Sincerely, Why publish any mairvstream a r tic le s Henry L. Tnevathan, Virginia on AIPS? Similar reports can be 5

UWI TO ROTC:

Si’MiHH 11 NSORSH1P A ‘ iW 'V . ‘ ,lp ;V *',s v i'lir t

JlKlt.lt' 111

V ’arta (us tc 1 .n i1\ overruled an \) ahanu judge who ruled that forty-four hooks used by tho Alabama public schools, including The Wizard of Oz, were being used to "promote" the "religion" of "secular humanism." The legal battle will now go on to the federal level while students can finish the school year with all their books. [TWN 4/1/87] CUBAN AI OS EPIDEMIC? Unusual signs from Cuba--exporting of blood to Cuban soldiers in Afri ca, quarantining of returning sol diers, and the recent deportation of sixty Zimbabwean students--are said to be signals of a massive AIDS epidemic in that country, ac cording to sources among Cuban exiles and U.S. government agencies watching Cuba. [GCN 5/17/87]

GAY RUN ORGANIZATION HINDS CONTRAS The National Endowment for the Preservation of Liberty (NEPL), a fundraising organization for the Contra rebels, had at least two top leaders and four subordinates who were gay. One of the top men, Carl R. "Spits" Channell, had frequent contacts with Lt:. Col. Oliver North, and ex-CIA director William Casey probably knew about the "gay con nection" in the Contra fundraising effort. Channell‘s companion, Eric Olson, received $34,000 in consult ing fees, but sources familiar with NEPL knew of no work Olson did to merit the payments. [00 5/87]

ELIZABETH KUBLER-ROSS SPEAKS Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, noted author, teacher and pioneer in the field of Death and Dying, will be in Roseburg, OR, September 11, 1987. Dr. Kubler-Ross will give a public address that evening in Douglas Hall at the Douglas County Fairgrounds. Cost is $10.00 per person ($15.00 at the door). Tickets are available in blocks of 25 or more to those facilities or organizations who wish to make this opportunity available in their area. Dr. Kubler-Ross and her staff will also be offering a Life, Death and Translation Work shop September 9-13. For info: Friends of Elizabeth of KublerRoss, P.0. Box 1273, Roseburg, OP 9747? .

THE CASE OF THE AMOROUS JUDGE Ramsey County, MM, Judge Alberto Mi era was found guilty of kissing his court reporter without the reporter's consent in a recent case. The judge was fined a total of $375,000, the amount sought by Neil Johnson, the reporter. An other complaint by Johnson, that Miers harassed him sexually and fired him when he refused to have sex with Miers, will be decided in the near future. Miers will appeal and does not plan to resign his judgeship, to which he was appoint ed in 1983 by Governor Rudy Perpich. [ET 4/1/87]

SURVEILLANCE UP Domestic surveillance under Presi dent Reagan has increased dramati cally since he took office. In a twelve-month period in 1984/85, federal agents, without warrants, installed 3400 phone taps. In 1985, the postal service approved 8597 re quests for "mail covers"--xeroxing of the front and back of all mail destined for a covered address. Warrants issued for electronic eavesdropping tripled between 1981 and 1985. [ITT 2/4-10/87] MUSIC AND SEX In an important ruling, Judge Haw kins of Ontario's District Court found The Joy of Gay Sex not ob scene and checked Canada Customs' escalating war on gay materials entering the country. Hawkins wrote: "However repugnant the con cept of anal sex may be to [heter osexuals] it is . . .the central sexual act of homosexual practice. To write about [homosexuality] without dealing with anal inter course [is like] writing a history of music and omitting Mozart." [Rites 4/87]

LET GAYS IN!

By a 9-6 vote, the regents of the University of Wisconsin at Madison passed a resolution calling for the federal government to allow gay persons to participate in ROTC programs. Regarding the supposed "security risk" that gays represent, one regent quipped, "I'm sure glad those Marine in Moscow were all heterosexuals." The U of WI at Milwaukee's faculty senate voted to end ROTC there in 1984, because of its anti-gay policy, but another vote in 1985 of the entire faculty reinstated the program. [OUT! 5/87] VICTORY IN JAPAN A proposed plan to jail persons with AIDS who refuse to co-operate with Japanese government health of ficials has been abandoned after widespread criticism of the plan by many different groups. The Japanese government now plans to continue a massive education pro gram and push for more HIV antibody testing, despite evidence that such testing is not useful in preventing the spread of AIDS. [Rites 4/87] ONE OUT OF FIVE A 25-year study conducted by psychologist Richard Sipe has found 20% of the 57,000 Roman Catholic priests in America are gay and roughly half of them are sexually active. Another 20% were found to be heterosexually active. Reaction to Sipe's study among other psychologists has been "20% are gay? That's all?" [OUT! 4/87]

SODOMY IN TENNESSEE Two men arrested on the campus of East Tennessee State University in Johnson City last September have been charged with sodomy under Tennessee's rarely used "crimes against nature" law. The 1858 law lays down five to fifteen years in prison as the penalty for this "crime." District Attorney General David Crockett was quoted: "It's high time the gay community realizes it [homosexuality] is not simply an alternate 1ifesty1e--it is a crime. If they don't like that . . . they can go to Nashville and seek to change the law." But the statute applies in theory to any form of in tercourse considered legally ab normal whether homo- or heterosexual [Johnson City Press 3/29/87]

MIDWEST MEN'S FESTIVAL

GAY YOUTH CONFERENCE The 1987 International Lesbian and Gay Youth Conference will be ar ranged by IGLYO in London on August 2-9, 1987. This conference, the fourth since the beginning in Am sterdam in 1984, will include a variety of workshops on political, theoretical, and practical organiza tional issues of relevance to les bian and gay youth. Write: IGLYO, P.0. Box 1305, Vika, N-0112, OSLO 1; or IGLY0-L0ND0N '87, BM/IGLYO, GB-L0ND0N, WC1N 3XX.

ANTI-WAR CONFERENCE The 1987 Conference of the War Resisters League will be held August 13-16 in Raleigh, NC, at St. Augustine's College. The WRL National Committee will meet in Durham, August 16-18. Write: WRL, 339 Lafayette St., NY, NY 10012; or call (202) 228-0450.

SILVER WEB FESTIVAL The 7th annual Harvest Survival and Healing Gathering will be held August 6-9, 1987, on 100 acres of private, wooded land in northern Maryland. It will be a celebration of Pagan culture, spirituality, and more. Write.: P.0. Box 5628, Baltimore, MD 21210; or call (301) 489-7351. SF PAGAN GATHERING MerryMeet Festival, September 4-7, 1987. Covenant of the Goddess' annual festival for Wiccans and Pagans, this year in the southern San Francisco Bay Area of Northern California. Leadership Institute, workshops, rituals, performances and much more. Contact the MerryMeet Festival c/o Covenant of the Goddess, Box 1226, Berkeley, CA 94704.

ZODIAC CAMPOUT The Zodiacs Fraternal Society will hold this year's weekend campout, STAMPEDE 14, on Duly 17-19, 1987. The cost of the weekend, $65 (Cana dian), includes a private campsite, all food and refreshments, games, and a change to "get away from it all." There is a communal tent for those who want to join in, but lack the necessary "housing." Write: ZFS, c/o P.0. Box 48144, Vancouver, British Columbia, CANADA, V7X 1N8; or call (604) 253-1258.

EE T I N G S

This year's Midwest Men's Festival will be held August 6-17, 3t Camp ananda Kanan in Missouri. This is a gathering for all men of any sexual orientation, children wel come. Cost is $40 for three days, $9 each additional day. Contact: MMF, c/o Gabby Haze, Belly Acres, Rt. 1, Dowel 1town, TN 37059; (615) 536-5287; (816) 931-4596 (leave message).

MAGICKAL CARAVAN TO WASHINGTON Beginning October 3, 1987, faeries and other magickal creatures will begin the trek to Washington, DC, for the October 11 Lesbian and Gay March on Washington. Four tenta tive caravan routes are plotted, from the Northwest, the West Coast, the Southwest, and the Southeast. Gay people--rural and urban— and all their friends are encouraged to meet up with the nearest caravan and join in the trek to Washington. It is planned that all caravans will rendezvous for a gathering in Shenandoah National Park on October 9. From there they will proceed to Washington for the March. For in formation, and to find out how to join up with the Magickal Caravan coming from or going through your area, write the appropriate region al coordinator. For the North (be ginning in the Northwest). write: The Caravan, c/o Ginger (Mike McNamara) or Dawn Touchant Prince, 704 E Pike, Seattle, WA 98122; (206)323-1229. For the Central U.S. (beginning in San Francisco) or for the Southeast, write The Caravan, c/o Harry Ugol, 1502 Golden Gate Ave., San Francisco, CA 94115; (415) 346-5087. For the Southwest, write The Caravan, c/o Harry Hay and John Burnside, 5343 La Cresta Court, Los Angeles, CA 90038; (213) 469-7949.

GREAT LAKES FAERY GATHERING Attention Great Lakes Faeries! August Moon Gathering at Ganowungo Faery Sanctuary, August 7-9, 1987. Faery campout in the semi-wilderness of Chautauqua Gorge in Western New York. Bring your own shelter, food, and water. For directions contact Jay Stratton, 121 Union St.., Westfield, NY 14787. Or call: (716) 326-2350.

SHORT MOUNTAIN GATH!RING There will be a Radical Faery Gathering for Lesbians and Gay Men (children welcome) October 2-11, 1987, at Short Mountain Sanctuary in Tennessee. For more information, write: Short Mountain Sanctuary, Rt. 1, Box 84-A, Liberty, TN 37095. RUNNING WATER FALL EQUINOX GATHERING A gathering for Radical Faeries will be held at Running Water in western North Carolina, September 19-27. Cost is $20 registration plus $5 per day for meals. Write for in formation to: Running Water, Rt. 1 Box 127-E, Bakersville, NC 28705; or call (704) 688-2447.

INTENSIVE COURSES OFFERED Body Electric School of Massage and Rebirthing offers two summer intensives Duly 6-26 (in Oakland, CA) and August 10-30 (in Los Angeles). Call or write Body Electric at 6527A Telegraph Ave., Oakland, CA 94609; (415) 653-1594. HAWAIIAN GET-TOGETHER Camp Camp-It-Up, the 5th annual a11 island gathering, will be held August 28-September 2 at Kalani Honua, a 20 acre retreat. Many ac tivities are offered. Write: Kalani Honua, Kalapana, HI 967784500; or call (808) 965-7828. 7

WILD LAVENDER FESTIVAL There will be a week long Faerie gathering in beautiful southwest Scotland, July 23-30. For more info, contact: Wild Lavender, 34 Queensdown Rd., Hackney Downs, London E5 8NN, ENGLAND. BLUE HERON GATHERING The Labor Day gathering of the northeast Radical Faeries will be held at Blue Heron Farm in northern New York in late August. For more info, write: Jim Jackson, 33 Richdale Ave., Cambridge, MA 02140.

KISSING LAWS

HANGING TOUGH IN DELAWARE

Despite a recent Pennsylvania Court ruling that it is not "disorderly conduct" for a man to kiss another man in public, the Upper Darby, PA, police department vows to continue arresting anyone doing that--this after the police were ordered to pay a gay man $1500 for wrongful arrest on those charges. A gay "kiss-in" at the Upper Darby town square has yet to be organized, despite the possibility of a $1500 "reward" apiece for those arrested. [ET 5/13/87] ~

A move to reinstate Delaware's sodomy laws and specifically pro hibit gay sex was begun by state House Speaker B. Bradford Barnes. Barnes called gay bars "swill pits" and AIDS breeding grounds. Three days later, Barnes tearfully recant ed his remarks before the legisla ture and said he would not introduce the promised bill. State gay ac tivists, health officials, and fel low legislators gave Barnes holy hell over his comments, which led to his change of heart. Elsewhere, Delaware House Majority Leader William A. Oberle Jr. asked for the Health Department to look into re ports that gay men were having sex in gay bars. The Delaware Health Department flatly refused, calling Oberle's suggestion "simplistic" and citing the high awareness of AIDS among gays. [WB 5/15/87]

CUOMO TAKES ON INSURANCE CO.'S LAWYERS

disapprove

sodomy decision

According to a recent poll by the American Bar Association, 67% of responding lawyers thought the Supreme Court, reached the wrong decision in the Bowers vs. Hardwick case. 57% believed anti-gay vio lence would increase and the same amount thought states should repeal sodomy laws. [WB 5/8/87]

At a memorial service for deceased gay activist Peter Vogel, New York governor Mario Cuomo announced a plan to stop health insurance companies from requiring the AIDS antibody test as a condition of coverage. He also announced a change in his executive order banning discrimination against gays by putting the state Division of Human Rights in charge of enforcing the order, thus making it easier to address complaints. [ET 5/13/87]

FOSTIR PARENT UPDATE Ihe Massachusetts House of Repre sentatives, less than two weeks af ter passing a gay rights bill, passed a bill that specifically bans lesbians, gays, and bisexuals from being foster parents in Massachusetts. A similar bill passed in New Hampshire recent ly. Both bills are based on the belief, contrary to all scientific evidence, that sexual orientation can be "passed" on to children, like a cold. Happily, a similar bill banning lesbian and gay male foster parenting was defeated in Maine. [GCN 5/24/87 & 5/31/87]

OBSCENITY LAWS CLARIFIED In May the Supreme Court ruled that community standards alone may not be used as the sole means of deter mining whether or not an item is obscene. Consideration must be given to the "literary, artistic, political, or scientific value," and that value must be judged from the perspective of any "reasonable person" regardless of residence. [WB 5/8/87]

GAY INTELLIGENCE "OFFENSIVE TOUCHERS" Two bills against "offensive touch ing" are currently under considera tion by the Minnesota legislature. Anyone touching another person's clothed genitals or breasts would be subject to up to a year in prison and a $3000 fine. Gay activists are opposing the bills, fearing the law, if passed, could be used to entrap gay persons in bars by un dercover police. [TWN 5/27/87]

In a statement to the House of Com mons, Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher revealed that Sir Maurice Oldfield, head of the M16 intelli gence service from 1973 to 1978, was a self-admitted homosexual and added that "there was no evidence or reason whatsoever to suggest that security had ever been compromised." She praised Oldfield for his years of work in the espionage unit. [NYN 5/11/87]

DEMO CANDIDATE WATCH Back in December 1986, a Massachu setts state foster care commission recommended that gays and lesbians be allowed to be foster parents. Presidential hopeful and MA gover nor Michael Dukakis has yet to re spond to that recommendation, but was recently quoted as saying, "I have a policy." Just what kind of policy it is is unknown. Else where, Tipper Gore, wife of alsohopeful Sen. Albert Gore (D-TN), has been pressuring the FCC (through her husband) to crack down on "obscene" rock music lyrics and, indeed, has led the campaign to regulate the rock music industry. [GCN 5/17/87]

JESSE JACKSON ON AIDS Jesse Jackson, unannounced can didate for U.S. president, recent ly savaged the Reagan administra tion for its response (or lack thereof) to AIDS. Speaking to a packed auditorium at Northeastern University, Jackson puzzled over President Reagan's willingness to spend money on Contras, but not on saving American lives, and his moralizing about AIDS versus his amoral stand on South Africa's racial policies. "In their racist and homophobic bigotry," he said, "they would end the lives of hun dreds of thousands, gay and straight, Black and White and His panic. In their determination to control the moral climate of this nation, they threaten the lives of us all." [GCN 5/24/87]

BOSTON JUSTICE

TIME REJECTS DIGNITY

Three Boston firefighters, accused of brutally attacking a gay man and two lesbians, have had their day in court, and two of the firefighters have been found guilty of assault and battery. The deterrent value of the convictions was reduced, how ever, when the pair were sentenced to six months' probation. The third firefighter was acquitted. [GCN 5/17/87]

Dignity/USA, an organization for gay Catholics, submitted a fullpage ad for publication in Time magazine. Time refused to run it and, according to a spokesperson, "We don't give reasons for accept ing or rejecting advertisements." The ad was taken to Newsweek, which accepted it. Now we know which weekly news magazine gay persons should be buying. [TWN 5/6/87]

KOOP DISCREDITS CAMERON LESBIAN OUSTED Rev. Rose Mary Denman, an openly lesbian Methodist minister, faces defrocking at the hands of her church solely for the "crime" of her sexual orientation. Several Methodist ministers have voluntarily stepped down when their gayness be came known, but Rev. Denman is forc ing the church to hand down a deci sion she knows will be against her as a matter of principal. The Unitarian Universalist Society has already accepted Rev. Denman in the likely event of her ouster from the United Methodist Church. [TWN 5/27/87]

FALWELL ANTICS The Rev. Falwell is at it again, doing what he does best: whipping up hysteria. His latest newsletter charges an AIDS cover-up involving the liberal media and pro-gay poli ticians. The "cover-up" is sup pression of evidence that links the spread of AIDS to gains in civil rights for gays. Although the let ter doesn't say how, the Rev. claims to have a plan to "stop the spread of AIDS." Sharp drops in contributions to TV ministers in the wake of the PTL scandal may have prompted this inflammatory ruse to raise money. [TWN 5/6/87]

REPORTED ANTI-GAY VIOLENCE DOUBLES The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force announced that it received 4946 reports of anti-gay violence in 1986, double 1985's 2042 inci dents. The increased numbers seem to show a greater willingness to report anti-gay violence, as well as an increase in the actual number of incidents. The AIDS crisis has had a definite aggravating effect on anti-gay violence. [TWN 5/20/37]

SANITIZED POLICE In March about twenty D.C. police men raided a gay bar that was serv ing alcoholic beverages without a 1icense--reason enough to break down the doors and carry sawed-off shotguns, but it was the surgical masks and gloves they wore that en raged the gay patrons. One man was ordered to face the wall when he coughed by a policeman who added, "I don't want you to spread that virus around here." Later, Police Chief Max Krupo said of the homo/ AIDS-phobia, "I guess we'll have to stress more education." [TWN 4/1/87]

CATHOLICS AGAINST ART Two "Militant Catholic Organizations" have demanded of New York's Cardinal O'Connor that he remove all the works of Michelangelo from St. Patrick's Cathedral. They do not want to be "reminded of the perverted homo sexual ist lifestyle" which the art ist's works supposedly portray. [ET 5/13/87] —

HARASSED BY GAY BAR A long-time patron of the Casa Blanca Lounge was verbally and physically assaulted by a bar em ployee after requesting his coat. After his friends left, the patron, who thought the coat check room would be opened for him, was called names and shown to the door. When he hesitated, the employee bounced him off the wall twice and tossed him out the door. As the patron was calling for a ride home outside, the employee came up and gave him his coat without an explanation. [ET 4/1/87] 9

U.S. Surgeon General C. Everett Koop in a recent interview said that Paul Cameron, discredited psycho logist and anti-gay activist, is "one of the most dangerous men in America. His answer to everything is genocide of homosexuals." Koop said he had heard Cameron's views being quoted by White House of ficials and "that scares me." [WB 5/15/87] ~ DUTCH KNUCKLE UNDER The chief prosecutor of Amsterdam, under heavy pressure from British and U.S. authorities, has begun a witchhunt against "all nude depic tions of minors." Intermale, the Netherlands' largest gay bookstore and art gallery, was raided May 13, 1987, during an exhibition of the photos of Don Mader, an American. Siezed were fifteen photos, none of which showed "any erections, sexual activity, or physical contact be tween boys and adults," according to Ruud Hollenkamp, co-owner of Intermale. Mader's attorney called the raid and siezure "unprecedent ed" and "out of touch with con temporary Dutch moral standards." Various sources in Holland note an increase in anti-gay law enforce ment being directed against foreign nationals and U.S. citizens living abroad over the past year. [GCN 5/24/87] "GAY," "LESBIAN," NOT ACCEPTABLE The Seattle chapter of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays tried recently to run an ad in the Seattle Times announcing their meetings’! The paper refused to print it, saying the words "gay" and "lesbian" could not be used in their classified section. "Homo sexual" was allowed, however, but the group withdrew their ad because they were not "Parents and Friends of Homosexuals." [ET 4/1/87]

POEMS NEEDED FOR POETRY BOOK

Ml YN Ml MVRO--THE STONES SPEAK ‘V\n Memvro Cornish for "Stones of our Motherland") is the name of a •ew magazine from England, dedi cated to the protection and pre>ervation of the pre-historic stone monuments and ley lines of West Penwith, Cornwall. In that area is perhaps the greatest concentration of megalithic sites in Western Europe, and MM is a forum for dis seminating inTormation about these fascinating and puzzling relics of the past. In the premiere issue are articles on an annual gathering of Druidic Bards (a ceremony pre dating the Roman conquest of Eng land), Fogous (man-made caves and tunnels), ley lines, holy wells, paganism, etc. Copies are £1.30 (about $2) each. Write: MM, 22 Bosorne Road, St. Just,“ Penzance, Kernow (Cornwall), TR19 7JJ, ENGLAND. EGGS, BREAD, AND JUSTICE Add Justice to Your Shoppinq List by Marilyn HeVmuth Voran shows how consumers are both participants in, and victims of, injustice through food shopping and suggests some ap propriate alternative responses. The book was published in 1986 and costs $2.95. Write: Herald Press, Scottsdale, PA 15683.

NIW MEN'S BOOK

Publisher Lincoln B. Young of Knox ville, TN, invites poetry manu scripts for a book to be titled Rainbows and Rhapsodies--Poems of the Eighties. The hardcover volume v/i 11 be publ ished in September 1987. Poems of any length, style, subject, will be considered. There is no payment, nor will poets be asked to pay a fee or to purchase books as a condition of acceptance. The book will be copyrighted, but each poem will remain the property of its author. Manuscripts, with SASE, should be sent by August 15 to: Fine Arts Press, P.0. Box 3491-R, Knoxville, TN 37927. The Aquarian Tabernacle Church provides a variety of programs and services for the Seattle, WA, area. To make is more easy for the public to keep in touch with the church and its activities, an information al phone line with weekly messages has been established. Call (206) 527-2426 anytime.

INDIAN TAPE A Native American poet has pub lished a cassette tape, "Graffiti Man," dealing with Native American issues and concerns. The tape is $10 and is available from The Peace Company, 2572 Glen Green, Hollywood, CA 90068.

New Men, New Minds: Breaki ng Male Traditions is now avail able from the Crossing Press. Edited by RFD poetry FCC VS. GAY PLAY and arts editor franklin Abbott, the anthology includes many articles from KPFK radio out of Los Angeles was RFD and Changing Men. Contributors charged by the Federal Communica include Harry Hay, James Broughton, tions Commission (FCC) with "in Steven Riel, Carl Wittman, Joseph decency" after airing Jerker, a Beam, Will Roscoe, Daniel Garrett, radio adaptation of a play about Louie Crew, John Stottenberg, Allan gay male sexuality in the AIDS era Troxler, Shepherd Bliss, Assotto --even though KPFK had followed all Saint, Don Kilhefner, and Jim Long. FCC guidelines for airing explicit Also included is the New Age intermaterial. KPFK stands to lose its view with Robert Bly: "What Do Men license and receive a $10,000 fine, Really Want" and a commentary by but the station's attorneys believe James Hillman. Available at your they have an excellent case for favorite local bookstore or by mail harassment against KPFK by the FCC from the Crossing Press, Box 207, and will file suit. The head of Freedom, CA 95019 at $9.95. FCC, Dennis Patrick, is a close political ally of Attorney General Franklin, along with contributors Edwin Meese, and has consistently and friends, will be reading from refrained from taking action against and signing copies of New Men New Howard Stern of WISP-Philadelphia, Minds on August 15th in Seattle at whose racist, sexist, and homophobic the Ped and Black Bookstore and on comments have generated many comAugust 20tn at the Modern Times plaints--at last count, forty-seven Bookstore in San Francisco at 7:30. complaints about Stern had been Call the stores for details and received by the FCC, as compared to watch local papers for events in only one against Jerker. [GCN Santa Cruz and Los Angeles. 5/17/87] ---

NEW GAY MAGAZINE The premiere issue of Outlook, which provides a forum for in-depth exploration of lesbian and gay cul ture and politics, will be published in fall 1987. Outlook features pub lic policy debate and social analy sis, lively cultural criticism, provocative scholarly research, and gutsy interviews. Outlook's publishers are seeking provocative writing on the significant issues facing lesbian and gay communities today. Submissions of articles, accessible scholarly writing, fiction, essays and opinion pieces, humor and satire, art, photography, interviews are encouraged. Write: Outlook, 18 Clipper St., San Fran cisco, CA 94114.

QUEER HEATHENS Queer Heathens (the title says it all) is a new publication (out of Massachusetts) with articles on paganism and witchcraft from a gay perspective. Write: QH, P.0. Box 1200, Jamaica Plain, MA 02130.

SPECIAL UNICORN ISSUE The Yule 1987 issue of The Unicorn will celebrate the Unicorn's tenth anniversary. For the special and extra-large issue, the magazine is seeking contributions from artists, writers, poets and members of neoPagan circles of all Traditions and paths. There will be a special classified section, an extensive listing of neo-Pagan and New Age periodicals and personal contact ads. For info, send SASE to: The Unicorn, Dept. 10, P.0. Box 8&14, Minneapolis, MN 55408.

WUCLFAR 10S1 AND IOUND

PORTABLE WHAT?!?

A 1oad of nuclear waste loft the Duane Arnold Energy Center in Polo, IA, and disappeared. Burlington Northern RR and Iowa disaster officials looked nervously for the railroad cars, which turned up in the little town of Will mar, IA, far from their supposed destina tion of Hanford, Washington. Iowa officials were not amused. [EF 3/20/87]

The U.S. Air Force is reportedly planning to build several hundred portable nuclear reactors to pro duce power during a protracted nuclear war, according to a variety of government sources. Delivered by airplane to any place in the country (that still had airports, that is), the reactors would re place the commercial power grid if it were nuked. The cost? Only $20 billion over the next five years! [New York Times 3/30/87]

IRRADIATION UPDATE HONG KONG PLANT China, in a deal with France, Eng land, and Hong Kong, is planning to build its second nuclear reactor, possibly the world's largest at 1800 megawatts. The power will flow primarily to Hong Kong, scarce ly fifty kilometers away from the reactor site. Hong Kong has not released a completed feasibility report yet, raising suspicions about its motives. In the wake of the Chernobyl disaster, over one million signatures were gathered in a drive to stop the reactor. [EF 3/20/87]

DEADLY SITES Several Energy Department nuclear facilities are ignoring federal environmental standards in their handling of radioactive and toxic wastes, and some sites may be ir reversibly contaminated, according to Congressional investigators. The worst spots are the Savannah River nuclear plant in South Caro lina, the Mound and Fernald facili ties in Ohio, Hanford in Washington state, the Y-12 plant at Oak Ridge, Tennessee, and Rocky Flat in Colorado. [San Francisco Chronicle, 2/20/87]

GLOWING SEWERS An NRC proposal to legally allow landfills, incinerators, and sewage systems to become radioactive waste dumps may soon be approved. A lot of radioactive wastes may be re classified "BRC" ("Below Regulatory Concern") which would allow some radioactive materials to be handled like regular garbage and end up glowing in some small town's sewer or landfill. Worse, an incinerator could spread radioactivity on the wind. [AB 5/87]

As the food industry gears up for irradiation, so does public con troversy. Consumer groups in Malaysia and elsewhere see irradia tion as a way for the U.S. to dump nuclear wastes in their countries (food is irradiated with gamma radiation from Cesium 137 and Cobalt 60, both found only in nuclear reactor waste). The NRC has already shut down two irradia tion facilities in the U.S. for spills of radioactive substances. Studies of irradiated foods show lowered vitamin content, altered molecular structures of the foods (creation of "unique radiolytic particles"--URPs for short), and abnormal genetic changes in animals and humans who eat irradiated foods. Also, irradiated foods seem to be an ideal growing ground for highly carcinogenic food molds called aflatoxins. DOE surveys show con sumers resist buying irradiated food, but the byzantine labeling laws are written so that the consumer never sees the label (i.e. shipping car tons are labeled but the individual items are not), and often she or he does not know that the food has been irradiated. [UR May/June 87] IRRADIATION BUSTERS The National Coalition to Stop Food Irradiation wants to spread the truth about food irradiation and stop it before America's food sup plies are poisoned. Write: P.0. Box 59-0488, San Francisco, CA 94159; or call (415) 566-2734. [UR May/Oune 87] NUKE DUMP SITE OPENED Nationalist China has opened the new Lanyu Rad-waste Storage Site on Orchid Island, about fifty miles southeast cf the main island of Taiwan. Orchid Island will be the burial site of nuclear waste from Taiwan's atomic energy plants--it is also the ancestral home of 1500 Yami aborigines. lGL Spring 87] 11

THE "SECOND COMING" Between Chernobyl, TMI, and finan cial woes, the American nuclear in dustry is generally perceived as dying. But the foundations for an atomic "second coming" in the U.S. are quietly being laid. Congress is considering legislation to speed up licensing of nuke plants and limit the public's ability to stop them. At the same time, the NRC is loosening the safety regulations that have "hamstrung" the nuclear industry. [_UR May/June 87]

LE NUKE (OLYMPIC NUKES) The site of the 1992 Winter Olympics in France is only thirty-five miles from the largest plutonium breeder reactor in the world. The SuperPhoenix is a sodium/water cooled "triple-threat" reactor that can leak, burn, or explode like a bomb. In the case of an explosion, re leasing 10% of the reactor's core, 6000 people would die instantly in the area and 60,000 would die from radiation exposure. The SuperPhoenix is believed to produce much of the plutonium for France's nuclear weapons arsenal. [EF 3/20/87]

OLD (RADIOACTIVE) MAN RIVER The EPA is proposing to lift a 1974 ban and allow four fertilizer com panies in Louisiana to dump twelve million tons of "radioactive gypsum by-products" into the Mississippi River each year. The by-products include radon, uranium, cadmium, arsenic, sulfates, copper and selenium. The companies claim they will go out of business if they are not allowed to dump their wastes in the river. [UR May/June 87] —

SEA LIONS DODGE TRAPS

WYOMING MAY VACCINATE BUFFALO Brucellosis, a disease of the bovine family and endemic among buffalo, is supposed to be spreading from the buffalo of Yellowstone to domestic livestock. Ranchers have shot buf falo who stray out of the park and the Wyoming Fish and Game Department is now thinking of vaccinating the buffalos with "hio-bullets"--vaccine-carrying capsules shot from airguns. [EF 3/20/87]

DRUGGED COWS A recent salmonella outbreak in California has been linked to the practice of adding penicillin, tetracycline, and a banned anti biotic, chloramphenicol, to dairy cattle feeds. The strain of sal monella may have become resistant to the antibiotics over a period of time previous to the outbreaks. There were no conclusions drawn as to the possible health risks to humans who consume dairy products from cows fed antibiotics. [FBN 4/87] --DESIGNER CATS Introducing the latest thing from genetic engineering: designer cats. Cats are being bred whose pelts resemble those of their wild cou sins, ocelots and jaguars, and sell for around $1200 apiece. Hopefully, the demand for wild cat skins should drop as the rich begin to skin their dead pets for fur coats. [EF 5/1/87]

TAMPERING WITH NATURE BGH, Bovine Growth Hormone, is be ing heralded as yet another genetic engineering breakthrough. Cows in jected with BGH increase their milk output 10 to 40% and the drug may be available in 1989. But there are concerns. Does BGH affect the milk, making it unsuitable for hu man consumption? Will a cow on BGH "wear out" and die much sooner than its average fifteen year lifespan? Will small dairy farms be wiped out as corporate dairies use BGH and dump even more milk on a market al ready sodden with surpluses? Farm leaders predict BGH, supposed to boost dairy sales, will merely make the drug companies richer and drive small dairies out of business, leaving the taxpayer to bail out the dairy industry--again. [JJR May/June 87]

FERRETS ON THE EDGE The black-footed ferret, thought to be extinct, was recently redis covered near Meeteetse, Wyoming. The government response to the news was to capture seventeen of the known nineteen remaining ferrets and take them to Laramie for "study." [EF 3/20/87]

WE ARE EVERYWHERE! Maureen O'Sullivan, who played Jane opposite Johnny Weismuller's Tarzan in the 1930s, recently appeared on the David Letterman show and re vealed that Johnny was the object of desire by a male member of the cast. No, not Boy, but Cheetah. Cheetah was so jealous of Ms. O'Sul livan, he had to be chained up when some scenes were shot. Cheetah al so "suffered" from an erection whenever Johnny was around and the solution to the embarrassing (and unfilmable) problem was to shoot at Cheetah with BB guns! The pain of the shots would make him lose his desire--at least long enough to film a scene or two. [HSN 5/6/87]

Thanks to the Ballard Locks in Puget Sound, steel head trout are forced to go up a fish ladder to reach their spawning sites. Enter a clever (and hungry) group of sea lions, who have discovered that the trout congregate at the foot of the ladder while preparing to go up. Washington Game Department officials have thrown firecrackers and set depth charges and nets, but the smart pinnipeds have managed to elude all the traps and still dine on trout. [E_F 3/20/87] TIGER UPRISING A deforestation program in the Sunderbans forest of Bangladesh has drawn protest from the resident Ben gal tigers, who are attacking the woodcutters. The tigers are also upset about poachers, who have wounded some of their kin. At least seventy people have killed by tigers between December 1, '86, and January 15, '87. [EF 3/20/87]

LIONS PROTEST RESETTLEMENT A project in Tanzania to turn lion territory into farmland has been stopped as the lions refuse to leave the area. Twenty-three people were killed by lions in 1986 in the town of Tunduru alone and farmsteads have been abandoned as the lions started eating humans after their natural prey was driven out by farming ac tivities. [EF 3/20/87]

"GAY AS A GOOSE" In the April '87 issue of Omni magazine, Konrad Lorenz, father of ethology and Nobel Prize laureate, is quoted as saying that "A 'normal' homosexuality exists in many birds and fish. If you put two pigeons together, they invariably pair: They build a nest, they copulate. Only when no eggs are laid, you realize both are females. In geese you have the unexplained phenomenon of male pair formation: Two ganders may form a friendship and live exactly like a pair, ex cept for copulation. Copulation is unimportant: Pair formation cere monies keep the two together, and they may be faithful to each other for ten years. This is a sort of homosexuality. Dogs in the street may just take another male as a substitute object to mount. So if you ask whether homosexuality occurs in animals, the answer is yes, in a thousand different ways."

BEAVERS STOP SUPERMARKET Beaver dams have repeatedly flooded the building site of a 26,000 sq. ft. Jitney Jungle Store in Madison, Mississippi, causing delays and loss of equipment. A one-ton backhoe was swallowed by the mire and all the developers' attempts to shoo the beavers away have failed. The store is now slated to be completed next fall, half a year behind sche dule. [EF 5/1/87]

RACCOONS SABOTAGE AIRPLANES Eight A-10 attack bombers were the targets of a recent sortie by rac coon saboteurs. Entering the planes through the wheel wells, the raccoons did massive damage to the electrical wiring. A newly-designed plug has (so far) prevented a repeat of the ecotage. [EF 5/1/87]

HAZARDOUS DISPOSAL OF WASTE The Brazilian government has closed down the Nuclemon plant at San Ooao da Barra after finding radio active waste was buried illegally at the plant site. The wastes were in contact with the water table and were 100 times more radioactive than the surrounding areas. CEF 3/20/87]

PANTHEISTS UNITE!

PAPER POLLUTION BIZARRE WEATHER UPDATE First, it was the hole in the ozone over Antarctica, now there's a layer of warm soot over the Arctic, warming the Alaskan permafrost. Studies show a 4-7°F rise in perma frost temperature since the turn of the century. But, whi'e the poles warm, the United Arab Emirates (in the southern part of the Persian Gulf) recently saw their first ever snowstorm, and Greece is digging out from a three foot snowfall. CEF 3/20/87]

To make one ton of cardboard box material you need: 3688 pounds of wood, 216 pounds of lime, 360 pounds of salt, 76 pounds of soda ash, 24,000 gallons of water, and 28 million BTlIs of energy. Pollution from this process includes: 84 pounds of air pollutants, 76 pounds of solid wastes and 36 pounds of water pollutants. The same ton of cardboard made from recycled paper uses 60% less water, 70% less ener gy, and produces 50% less pollution. [GL Spring 87]

The Universal Pantheist Society seeks those who derive their reli gious experiences from their rela tionship with the universe. Pan theism is an ancient faith with modern ecological implications. Write: P.0. Box 265, Big Pine, CA 93513.

AITFRNATF COMMUNITY

CASH FOR TRASH ALTERNATIVE CROPS NEWSLETTER The Appalachian Herb Newsletter has been exploring the potential for herbs as a cash crop for two years. The quarterly newsletter explores alternative cash crops for the central Appalachian region and should be of interest to foragers, gardeners, and farmers. Subscriptions are $12/yr. For sub or free sample copy write: Appalachian Herb Newsletter, Rt. 5, Box 423, Livingston, KY 40445.

In an effort to conserve Rockport, IL's dwindling landfill space, a "lottery" rewarding those who re cycle has been introduced. Once a week, "Trashman" visits a randomly selected home and inspects the gar bage. If there are no newspapers or aluminum cans, the owner wins $1000. If there are no winners, next week's jackpot grows by $1000. [GL Spring 87]

PAGAN LEGAL ARCH IVI S WARNINGS IGNORED

BANKS VERSUS TOXIC WASTE The toxic waste disposal problem in the U.S. is now threatening the assets of big banks, who are now adding their voices to the thousands of others who want the U.S. govern ment to do something. More and more, banks are finding themselves foreclosing on contaminated pro perties no one needs or wants, and then being held liable for clean-up. Industries that produce toxic wastes are finding loans hard to come by as banks think twice about getting sucked into a toxic night mare. [GL Spring 87]

The Lama Foundation is a spiritual community in New Mexico dedicated to the growth of higher conscious ness. Summer programs and retreats include Vipassana meditation, Ram Dass, Dances of Universal Peace and an Intensive Studies Program involving physical, spiritual, and emotional work. Interested in dividuals please write: Box 240, San Cristobal, NM 87564; or call (505) 506-1269.

As the breakdown of the ozone layer proceeds apace, the U.S. government is responding with apathy and in difference, spiced with outlandish proposals like that of the Secre tary of the Interior, who recently suggested people should simply wear hats, sunglasses, and sun screen in response to the increase in ultra-violet radiation. Chemist F. Sherwood Rowland, who, with others, has been studying the prob lem over the past decade, said in a New Yorker interview, "the hole . . . is going to continue to grow deeper and deeper . . . serious losses [among all animal and plant species] are likely to occur at all latitudes of the world during the 21st century." [0BW 8/86]

Valerie Voigt has begun a Pagan le gal archives. This project will provide a resource for Pagans who are involved in legal problems in which their religion is an issue. Anyone who has been involved in a court case in which Paganism, Witchcraft, magic, or related prac tices was an issue is encouraged to send information about their case. Whenever possible, information should include case name and docket number, court and its- location, name of judge, names of attorneys (and their addresses if possible), and a summary of the case (what it was about, and the outcome). More complete records are also welcome. Send to: Legal Archives Project, c/o P.0. Box 9494, San 3ose, CA 55157.

NEW DEFINITION OF AIDS PROPOSED

IS ORAL SEX LOW RISK?

The federal Centers for Disease Control (CDC) have proposed a new definition for AIDS infection which is expected to increase the report ed number of cases by 20% and make important social benefits available to thousands of additional patients. The revised definition would add dementia (a loss of mental function similar to Alzheimer's disease) and emaciation (severe body wasting) to the list of illnesses that make up the AIDS complex. These are two of the more common symptoms of AIDS in its earliest stages. Patients with these symptoms would become auto matically eligible for Social Security disability payments under the new definition.

In a February article in the British journal Lancet, earlier medical re ports are confirmed that oral sex appears to represent a low risk for acquiring the AIDS virus. None of the men who engaged in "receptive oral intercourse" but who had not engaged in anal intercourse tested positive for the AIDS virus. The study enrolled 2507 gay men in the Chicago area, 95 (3.8%) of whom tested positive. The article also supports prior claims that receptive anal intercourse represents the most serious risk for contracting the HIV infection. The article cautioned that the sample size of those who tested positive for the virus was small and that some practices which are low risk for the AIDS infection represent a higher risk for other sexually transmitted diseases.

AIDS LINKED WITH BIOLOGICAL WARFARE? The Soviet news agency TASS has re peated earlier assertions by two last German microbiologists that AIDS is caused by a genetically en gineered virus. Jakob and Lilli Segal have accused the U.S. Army's Biological Warfare Laboratory at Fort Detrick, MD, with creating and accidentally spreading the AIDS virus. According to their theory, the virus was experimentally inject ed into "volunteer" prisoners in 1977 who after several months with no symptoms were released and un knowingly spread the disease. According to Gay Community News of Boston, who reported the story, the Forst Detrick program has a forty year history of biological warfare research and has close ties to the Frederick Cancer Research Facility, allied with the AIDS Task Force of the National Cancer Institute (NCI), directed by Dr. Robert Gallo. Gallo and the NCI were recently involved with a dispute with the Pasteur In stitute of Paris over who had "dis covered" the AIDS virus. A set tlement was reached this March which allows the two institutions to share credit for the work. U.S. Army officials in denying the Soviet charges have stated that "the AIDS virus would be an ex tremely poor biological warfare agent," but have provided no details of the Army's research involving HIV. Others, notably the LaRouche organization, have asserted that AIDS is a product of Soviet cancer research and was spread with Soviet complicity to attack the U.S. population.

SYPHILIS AND THE AIDS CONNECTION Writing in the April 3 edition of The Washington Blade, Dr. Richard DiGoia takes issue with recent articles appearing i n the New York Native linking AIDS to syphilis. While acknowledging that syphilis could go undiagnosed and untreated in patients with AIDS, he labels as "ridiculous" the claim that syphilis is a better explanation for AIDS than the HIV. He charges the Nati ve with engaging in a serious disser vice to the gay community by sug gesting that massive doses of peni cillin could save AIDS patients.

U.S. LOSING BATTLE AGAINST STD'S The CDC reports that the nation is losing ground in the battle against gonorrhea, syphilis and some other sexually transmitted diseases (STD's), including AIDS. Not counting AIDS, there are more than 13 million cases of STD's a year, the report says. These are re sponsible for an estimated 7000 deaths a year in the United States. AIDS RISK INCREASES WITH TIME According to a New York Times re port, the longer a person is in fected with the AIDS virus, the greater are the chances that he or she will develop symptoms of AIDS. The report is based on a study of 359 San Francisco gay men whose blood had been drawn in 1980 for hepatitis research and stored in a frozen condition. Of these men, 257 agreed to allow their frozen samples to be tested for the AIDS virus, which was found in 104. Clinical symptoms of AIDS developed in the 104 at the rate of 4% during the first three years, 14% after five years, and 36% after seven years. No other co-factors other than time were found to be as sociated with the emergence of the di sease.

MAILORDER AIDS TEST A doctor in Siler City, NC, says he's starting an AIDS testing program which can be conducted through the mail. Dr. John Dykers will send clients a kit to allow a blood sample to be taken and mailed back. Testing will be done by a national laboratory, for which the client will be charged $60. An apparent selling point for the test is that clients who test negative will be given a card stating that fact which can be worn on the lapel. The doctor has already be gun running ads in local newsmedia as well as a New Orleans newspaper. NC state health officials are not supporting the test, emphasizing the need for pre- and post-test counseling by someone knowledgeable about the disease. Dykers agrees that counseling is a good idea, but suggests that his clients go to their local physician.

AIDS-CARE FACILITY FALTERS The Institute for Immunological Disorders, the only facility in the U.S. entirely devoted to AIDS re search and patient care, may have become a pawn in a corporate take over scheme. The facility closed its doors to new patients and laid off twenty-six staff members, hop ing to cut costs, but the owner, American Medical International, may jettison IID to improve their position as rumors mount of an im pending Wall St. takeover. [A 5/12/87]

HIV-2

HBLV AND AIDS

French researchers have discovered a new virus that caused AIDS in seventeen West Africans who were not infected with HIV-1 (formerly HTLV-III). Called HIV-2, the new virus is genetically different from HIV-1, though they share some similarities. They are distinct enough, however, that standard tests for HIV-1 may not indicate the presence of HIV-2. [WB 5/22/87]

Dr. Shyh-Ching Lo of the Armed Forces Institute of Pathology has reportedly found a new DNA virus which the New York Native suggests may be the true cause of AIDS. It was found by Dr. Lo in 24 out of 25 persons with AIDS who were tested for it. The virus, called HBLV, may be similar or identical to African Swine Fever Virus which is epidemic among pigs in the U.S. The Department of Agriculture has al lowed the slaughter and sale of pigs infected with the African Swine Fever virus to the public for the past few years.

VIRAL AIDS TRIGGER According to a report in the Honolulu Advertiser, studies at the Nat i onal Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases suggest that dormant HIV can be stimulated into reproducing by exposure to a family of viruses known as DNA viruses. HIV is an RNA virus like those that produce the common cold, flu, or measles. Among the DNA viruses used in the studies were those that produce oral herpes, chicken pox and shingles. Swine Fever, also a DNA virus, was not used in the study. [BSN 6/87]

PROTEIN SHOWS PROMISE Studies on a human protein, GM-CSF, by a Massachusetts research lab in dicate it may boost production of human white blood cells. Produced by genetic engineering gene-splicing techniques, the GM-CSF was tested on sixteen persons with AIDS. All the PWAs' white blood cell counts rose to normal levels and five showed a drop in the presence of viral particles in their blood. A researcher cautioned, however, that the results are still preliminary. [WB 5/22/87]

ANTI-PWA MARRIAGE LAW In April the Utah legislature amended the state's common law marriage statute to prevent persons with AIDS from marrying. The law makes no provision for testing marriage applicants, nor does it specify whether carriers of the HIV antibodies alone would be treated like those having the actual virus in their blood. Governor Norman Bangerter allowed the law to pass into effect without his signature. [WB 5/8/87]

PROTEINS INCREASE RISK

The New Engl and Journal of Medicine has refused to print Dr. Lo's find ings despite reported efforts by U.S. Surgeon General C. Everett Koop on Lo's behalf. The editor of the Journal, Dr. Myron Essex, is suspected of being behind this. Dr. Essex participated last year in a CDC decision to issue a statement denying a link between Swine Fever and AIDS. Cases of HBLV infection in hundreds of humans have recently been re ported in the Lake Tahoe, NV/CA, area, and was called an "epidemic." Unlike HIV-1 (formerly called HTLV-III), HBLV is extremely con tagious and can be caught as easily as a common cold. According to Lisa Krieger of the San Francisco Exami ner, HBLV may be "more wide spread, virulent, and serious than once thought." Dr. Daniel Peterson, who first identified the epidemic, is himself infected, as are his wife and most of his co-workers. Four years ago, Dr. Jane Teas sug gested AIDS was caused by African Swine Fever Virus in The Lancet. Two years later, with Drs". dames Herbert and John Beldekas, she detected African Swine Fever Virus in AIDS patients. The C D C s original study on AIDS shows Swine Fever infection in some patients as well as some research ers. A second CDC study showed no trace of Swine Fever. The New York Native suggests this was an attempt at a cover-up, because an officially acknowledged Swine Fever outbreak could cost the U.S. billions in lost pork exports. [New York Nati ve 5/11/87]

No, not proteins from your diet. Every human has one of three types of protein coating their blood cells: Gc1-fast, Gc1-slow, or Gc2. Which one you have is deter mined by your genetic makeup. Studies suggest that persons with two Gc1-fast genes have a higher risk of contracting AIDS than those with two Gc2 genes. This may ex plain why AIDS spread so quickly in central Africa--the Gc1-fast gene is found more often in blacks than whites. [WB 5/15/87]

SOURCES Key to Abbreviations A ---- The Ad v o c a t e , P.0, Box 4371, Los Angeles, CA 90087 A B -- 'Vetion Bulletin BSN— Both Sides N o w , P.O. Box 5042, Kahului, HI 96732-0302 EF---Earth F i rs t!, P.O. Box 5871, Tucson, AZ 85703 ET---Equal T i m e , 711 We3t Lake St., Minneapolis, MN 55408 FBN— Farm Bureau News, 5301 Glenwood Ave., Raleigh, NC 27611 GCN--Gay Community N e w s , 62 Berkeley S t . , Boston, MA 02116 GL---Green Letter HSN— Humboldt Society News le tt er, 2030 Fitzwater St., Philadel phia, PA 19146-1333 ITT--In Those Times NY N— New York Nat iv e , That New Magazine, P.O. Box 1475, Church St. Station, New York, NY 10008 OBW--On Beyond W a r , 222 High S t . , Palo Alto, CA 94301 0 0 - — Our O w n , 739 Yarmouth St., Norfolk, VA 23510 TWN--The Weekly News, 901 ME 79th St., Suite 20~, Miami., FL 33138 UR---Utne Re ad er, 4306 Upton Ave. South, Minneapolis, MN 44510 WB---Washington B l a d e , 724 Ninth St. NW, 8th FI., Washington, DC 20001 Other Sources He rm es, Box A, Wesleyan Station, Middletown, CT 06457 Johnson City P r e s s , Johnson City, TN New York T i m e s , New York, NY Omni O U T 1, P.O. Box 148, Madison, WI 53701 R i t e s , Box 65, Station F, Toronto, Ontario, Canada San Francisco Chro ni cl e, San Francisco, CA

TWO

ou of THREE

THREE NEW YORK POETS: Poems by Mark Ameen, Carl Morse, and Chari es Ortl eb Published by Gay Men's Press, $7.95 (paperback) ISBN: 0-85449-052-3

MARK AMEEN Mark Ameen was born in Lowell, Massachusetts in 1958. Twpnty ye a r s l a t e r he followed an experimental theater company to New York City. He's still there. He lives on the Lower fast Side of Manhattan and con tinues to work on occasion as an actor. He's also a night manager of a hotel. His first collection of poems and stories, A Circle of Sirens, was published by SeaHorse Press 1n lW5". It is'Number One in "The Trilogy of the Buried Body," Book Two is called Those i f You Who Are Dying Are Very Gi fted.

THEY MAKE WATCHBANDS, DON’T THEY? by Mark Ameen

photo by Becket Logan

It seems that Speidel is set to put to market a line of bisexual watches. Speidel, you remember, is the maker of Twist-o-flex. Many the maiden midwestern claims the male line's too feminine for any true-blooded beau, while certain of the others wonder if the women's are feminine enough. Both lines, you see, look similar. All watches, stylish, are said to possess attractive straight bands into which their faces disappear. Those who respond are called respondents. Those who don't are never called upon again unless by some accident of timing or a certainly unprofessional magnetism. One respondent stated that his son would be worth every penny, and then some."

’6

the poems of four Americans--Craig G. Harris, Essex Hemphill, Isaac Jackson, and Assotto Saint--and the British writer Dirg Aaab-Richards.

With its new "Gay Verse" series, GMP, the Gay Men's Press, London, has become one of the foremost pubÂ lishers of gay men's poetry in English,, Starting in 1985, GMP published Not Love Alone, an important anÂ thology of gay men's verse that included poems by Thom Gunn, Isaac Jackson, James Kirkup, Carl Morse, Felice Picano, and Ian Young.

And just now GMP has published Three New York Poets, which features the work of Mark Ameen, Carl Morse, and Charles Ortleb. Just to give RFD readers a sample of the contents of this book, here are brief biographies and one poem by two of these three poets. And our congratulations to our British cousins for giving equal time and space in their series to the poems of American fairies!

They went on to print Dreams & Speculations, poems by Paul Binding and John Horder, and So Long Desired, with the poems of Kirkup and John McRae. In the near future, GMP will present Fi ve Black Poets, containing

CARL MORSE Author of three books of poems, including The Curse of the Future Fairy, Carl Morse is also the translator of a biography of Paul Verlaine and of the essays of Andre Maurois. Born and raised as a rock-and-tree fairy in the middle of Maine, he was then for many years an editor with several major publishers and Director of Publications for The Museum of Modern Art. In recent years he presented Open Lines, N.Y.--a series of readings by profeminists, lesbians, and gay men from all over the United States. He also teaches a poetry writing workshop centered around the special risks and permissions afforded by the works of lesbians and gay men, from Whitman and Dickinson to the present. He is presently working on a full-length performance piece called Impolite to My Butchers.

DEARLY DEPARTED by Carl Morse When caught between his smelly mounds, I totaled 67 pounds. Dropping his primed and hairy frame, it is a game, he said, and fun. I kept looking directly at the sun. Quickly I learned to hold his head and get myself carried home and fed. He weighed 200, stripped and felled, and when he came, he yelled and yelled and yelled. Today, according to the news, we are no longer sharing views. Husband and father, sore!y missed, not a bare spot left unkissed. And now I can fix my face and wash my dolls in peace.

AIDS: QUESTION OF DEATH QUESTION OF LIFE OR

byPAT B R O W D E R , M.D. the web of these simple answers can emerge a more com plex and satisfying plan for living one's life, that gives each day shape and direction.

ay men and now increasingly others are having to face the prospect of living with a disease for which conventional medicine has admitted it has no cure. This has forced all of us, patients and practition ers alike, to confront some very diffi cult questions, none perhaps quite so compelling as those which Dr. Laurence F. Badgley mentions in a re cent article.

Finally comes the easiest question, Who is my friend? First of all, it has to be me: I am my own friend. I am at home with myself, I 1 ike myself. Then come the others, possibly more than we ever knew, No one of these, ineluding myself, is the "perfect" friend, We all have our inadequacies, failings and general screwed-upness. But we are there, present and accounted for, in and out of season.

Dr. Badgley, a general practitioner and author of Energy Medicine, writes that in his own practice those persons with AIDS do the best who are the ones who take charge of their lives. He lists three ques tions that each PWA should ask themselves before be ginning a program of therapy: 1) Do I want to live? 2) What is my purpose in life? 3) Who is my friend?

In answering these quesperson with AIDS is doparticularly unique, al ls rare to have to conthese questions up front at once in a short period These are questions for all for a 1ifetime. In fact, are questions that life itself not some goddamn disease: Is be lived? If it is, then And with whom am I to live

The first question looks the easiest but is perhaps the most difficult. Put differently, it asks, Is it time for me to die? My initial reaction would be to reply with an instantaneous NO!, but for most of us, especially the PWA, it is a question that will have to be faced sooner or later. Compounding the dif ficulty is our society's inability itself to face the question honestly in any of its institutional roles, whether it's the media or the medical profession. Some PWA's whom I have heard speak about this report an initial answer to this question that is virtually a weary Yes, a mixture of denial and depression that says, T really don't want to go through this, so let's just end 1t now; I'm going to die anyway, so what's the use? Yet out of this initial negativism come some amazing turn-arounds, based not on some pollyanna appraisal of the situation, but emerging from some deep well of strength that refuses to be bullied by a mere disease. At that point, and perhaps even before, the person has to address the second question, What is my pur pose in life? While this sounds like a question of such global magnitude that only a very few could an swer it, it boils down to such mundane ques tions as, What do I do with my life today? What is it that gets me out of the bed in the morning? Grandiose answers, while inspiring, are probably not of much use. The sim plest answers seem to work the best: I'll go for a walk or visit a friend or talk to someone who knows something about what I'm going through. Out of 18

tions, the ing nothing though it front and all of time, of us these asks, 1 ife to why? it?

THE HUMAN RESPONSE TO AIDS.. b, PAT B R O W D E R , M d COPING AND CARING Late in April of this year, approximately a hundred health care workers gathered at Binkley Baptist Church in Chapel Hill, NC, to examine the less spectacular side of the AIDS crisis. Often overshadowed by the glitzy media show that tends to dominate the headlines in the fight against AIDS, the "human" response to AIDS got full attention at the two-day conference sponsored by the UNC-CH Department of Nursing.

Kooyman then discussed what the practical effect of these prejudices is in the life of PWA's. First is termination of jobs and schooling, even nursing school. Then comes loss of housing, which he labelled as the social problem for PWA's. Along with loss of job comes loss of insurance and the impossibility of securing individual health coverage while insurance companies put claims on hold while searching for "pre-existing" conditions. Finally comes family re jection and the inability of the medical system to handle a disease which many physicians are poorly informed about.

While structured to present a broad picture of the impact which AIDS has had on persons with AIDS and the professions which care for them, the conference was punctuated with some remarkable presentations whose impact was not lost on the audience of nurses, social workers, hospice volunteers and persons with AIDS and their families.

Kooyman concluded by exploring what it is like to work with a person with AIDS. First, he said, any thing goes! Tmotional ups and downs are frequent as are suicidal thoughts. There is guilt and confusion, and always the question, Why me? Most are afraid, afraid to talk, to be in public, to have sex, to be touched. The greatest fear is becoming an alien. He cited the example of one PWA who dreamed that Jesus appeared to him as an alien from outer space and that he felt comfortable with this alien Jesus.

STIGMAS AND STEREOTYPES Les Kooyman, Executive Director of the Metrolina AIDS Project of Charlotte, NC, discussed the stigmas and stereotypes associated with being a PWA. The first to be dismissed is that of AIDS "victim," with AIDS "patient" being almost as unacceptable. These are persons with AIDS, people who happen to have a disease called AIDS.

For caregivers, Kooyman said, this means the first rule is Accept, Don't Judge. The hard thing, however, is to be non-judgmental and at the same time not to be manipulated, to know when to say, Enough. The im portant thing is to be there for the person with AIDS and to want to be there, exploring fears, exploring their disease with them, listening and touching.

Mr. Kooyman then called attention to the distance that often develops between PWA's and their caregivers, an "us vs. them" mentality. Some distance, he admitted, is necessary but not to the point that it becomes dis ruptive of good care. He called on professionals to think of themselves working together with PWA's as a team, not the "healthy" out to save the "sick."

EMOTIONAL IMPACT Doug Ruhren, a volunteer with the Lesbian & Gay Health Project of Durham, NC, spoke movingly of the emotional impact the diagnosis of AIDS can have. The first images have been supplied by the media coverage of the disease: a terminal illness (most PWA's die within 18 months of diagnosis); a disease of the young (70% of PWA's are between the ages o f 20 and 40). The first question usually is: Will I leave the hospital? The second: Why me?

What are some of the prejudices that interfere with working with people who happen to have AIDS? fir. Kooyman mentioned several: --Having had many sexual partners becomes auto matically labelled as "promiscuity," i.e. irrespon sible behavior. Hence one can think "thev asked for it." --"Innocent victims," while drawing attention to the tragedy of children with AIDS, also labels adults as "guilty victims" and perpetuates the myth that "they asked for it."

The gay PWA has to face a double disclosure that he not only has AIDS but is homosexual, doubly undesir able in society's eyes. His secret identity is out, to family and associates. He is not only critically ill but also disowned and rejected. None o* this has happened with h1 s permission; the capability to make decisions about his life has been taken away from him. Then follows losses of job and housing. Finally the guilt fostered by the hate-mongers in our society added to the guilt he already feels: Did I give it to him? Did he give it to me?

--"Lethal weapon": Kooyman reported the use of this phrase by an MD to a PWA to describe the person's potential for threatening the community! --"No sex!" This becomes advice to shut down, close off and stop living. It means "DROP DEAD!" --AIDS is a "medical challenge." This turns the PWA into an "interesting" case, a scientific phenom enon.

This is a grim picture but one which is common to many people who are coming to terms with the diagnosis of AIDS. The disease and our society combine forces to isolate the gay PWA, to render him an untouchable. This social situation bears strong resemblances to the Viet Nam experience of 20 years ago, as Elisabeth Kubler-Ross has pointed out. Speaking of a person with AIDS who sought her help, she says:

--"We can't discuss this." Often seen as a re action by family and some friends, it becomes another version of "DROP DEAD!"

d i e d for no a p p a r e n t r e a s o n j u s t as s h e w a s g o i n g to r e q u i r e a h o s p i t a l b e d to be i n s t a l l e d in h e r h ome.

This man is at war. AIDS is very much like Viet Nam. He was drafted against his will into a battle that has no sufficient reason *or him. He goes to the battleground and sees his buddies die. He lives in a society that cannot yet accept the embarrassment of their not caring for the men drafted into the war. And just as we have found, twelve years later, that the real meaning of Viet Nam was not fighting for the rights of a foreign nation but a message of peace for Americans at home, it may take years for us to realize the meaning and impact of AIDS. It is the disease that will transform the entire medical community of the world. [From the Newsletter of the Elisabeth Kubler-Ross Center, May, 1985.)

In the discussion period following the panel presen tation, a person who identified himself as having ARC (AIDS-related complex), told of the body's own wisdom which knows "when it's time to go." When that time comes, the body will reject food, water and medicine. Prior to that, however, the person with AIDS/ARC must feel that they have some reason for continuing to live: "If we don’t feel we have some thing to contribute, we will die." COMMUNITY NETWORKING: COMPREHENSIVE CARE THROUGH COORDINATION Dave Brownell of the Center for Prevention Services, Centers for Disease Control, Atlanta, GA, reminded the audience of the statistics that characterize AIDS:

Ruhren concluded by talking of his work with an AIDS support group which tries to reach out to people in this situation and help them help each other to meet their needs. The group meets every two weeks and em ploys the help of two facilitators, both mental health professionals. There is no pre-set agenda or struc ture to the meeting other than encouraging partici pants to state their needs and then try to assist one another in meeting them.

In the next 1000 days --270,000 Americans will have been diagnosed as having AIDS. --at least one person you know will develop AIDS/ARC.

ON DYING WITH AIDS

--during 1991, over 80,000 persons will be added to the list of persons with AIDS.

A panel composed of an Episcopal priest, a Hospice social worker and a surviving lover of a PWA addressed the issue of dying with ATDS. Allan Troxler spoke of his lover Carl's final days when, knowing that he had an untreatable meningitis (he was allergic to the on ly antibiotic that could have helped), Carl chose to end his life deliberately.

--over 100,000 will have died with AIDS. --there will be a seven-fold increase in the number of heterosexual persons with AIDS. --there will be a ten-fold increase in the number of children with AIDS.

It was not a matter of "giving up," Allan said, but an acknowledgment that life was over and that it had been good. Rather than try for more "quality time" by submitting to experimental medical therapy, they joyously acknowledged that there had been plenty of quality time in Carl's life, more than enough.

--there will be an eight- to sixteen-fold in crease in the cost of treating AIDS. He spoke of the need for AIDS education: Here's how you get AIDS; here's how you don't get AIDS; here's where to get more information. We need to stop using euphemisms like "body fluids." It's blood and semen that transmit the virus, not sweat or tears. AIDS education needs to take place in the schools but with strong community involvement utilizing local leaders. And an alternative to school education is also needed so that parents can be helped to teach their children about AIDS. Adult education programs are also neces sary through trade schools and labor unions. Health care workers need particular education about AIDS.

With the help of printed information from the Hemlock society, Carl took a lethal dose of medication and died peacefulTy surrounded by his lover and family and friends. Allan reminded the audience that this was not an action taken lightly or in a state of depression, but represented the effort of a dying man to assume control of his life and his dying in a way that was both a healing and a release. Paul Wessinger, a priest in an Episcopal religious or der, the Cowley Fathers, spoke of his encounters with persons dying with AIDS. People who are dying, he said, want to talk about their dying, something doctors often FTricf it hard to help them do. In his experience, ministering to the dying was more often an experience of being ministered to by the person who is dying.

Other avenues of education include family planning clinics and clinics devoted to the treatment of sexually transmitted diseases. More difficult to reach populations need to be particularly addressed, IV drug abusers and minority gay men. There needs to be a coordinated effort, Brownell said, among teams of caregivers. The tendency is for PWA's to be separated from other patients. There need to be specialized care teams, but not segregated facilities, except perhaps for regional health care facilities along the lines of TB sanatoria. But care should not further isolate and estrange PWA's as tended to happen with persons with TB.

Ginny 8rendlin, a social worker with Hospice, de scribed the hf>1 nip c cnp<;<; and defenselessness of per sons who are dying with AIDS, their doubts that they had a "right" to be here, their feeling that they deserved to be isolated. She mentioned that people often, without any obvious moves, choose the time and place of their dying. She spoke of a very strong and independent woman who refused to discuss the possibility of being bed-ridden, even though her ill ness would eventually lead her to that state. She

Coordinated outpatient care is also needed but will have to be tailored to the needs of local communities. 20

Buddy systems, home helpers, and visiting nurses are also required, along with a psychosocial network of supporting services for PWA's and caregivers alike. More attention needs to he paid to insurance, given that 34% of Americans don't have enough health in surance. Individual companies have begun to recog nize the needs of their employees with AIDS and have instituted policies that treat them with respect. Brownell cited several companies for special praise in this regard: Levi Strauss, BankAmerica, IBM, 3-M, TransAmerica, and Pacific Bell, who at one time had a policy against hiring gay workers. He noted with regret that both GM and the United Auto Workers Union had resisted efforts to institute similar policies. Finally, Brownell noted that in speaking to employers and community groups one argument works well: it's expensive to fail to educate about AIDS. He stated that $3000 spent in a drug abuse program could save $50-100,000 per year in treating persons who contract AIDS through needle-sharing. The conference ended with those who attended feeling that they had been exposed to the side of AIDS that the media often misses. The organizers of the con ference pledged themselves to continue to foster this kind of consciousness-raising, perhaps by holding similar sessions on an annual basis.

PERHAPS MOTHER NATURE HAS SOME ANSWERS by PATRICK RIVERA, Licensed Massage Therapist Since May of 1984, authorities on a Macrobiotic diet have actively approached the prevention and the pos sibility of recovery from AIDS. Their ongoing studies reveal the positive impact of Macrobiotics on the life expectancy of AIDS patients after diag nosis, the parameters of the blood quality, body lesions and on the immune system as a whole.

A few months ago a new client (E.M.) contacted me regarding a massage technique he had heard about that would help build up his immune system. He had developed a case of AIDS. My first reaction was, "UUUGGGHHH . . . AIDS!" — but as I felt his smile, a smile that has helped me to learn and grow so much as a therapist and a human being, I agreed to work with him. Today I would like to share some of my findings with you.

Another surprising finding, according to the renowned British medical journal, The Lancet, occurred in 1983 when the Japanese intravenousTjTaJministered Lentinan, a component of the "Shiitake mushroom" to two patients whose blood showed antibodies to HIV. Their report maintains that the antibodies disappeared. The AIDS crisis has not only put a brake on the "Sexual Revolution," but it has also made possible the "re discovery" of acupuncture, chiropractic care, diet, exercise, herbs, homeopathy, psychotherapy, spiritual ity, supplements, touch and visualizations, to name a few therapies that can strengthen the immune sys tem and prevent the development of AIDS.

What started as a "gay disease" has now doubled every six months among the heterosexual community. But did you know that of the estimated 1 to 1.5 million Americans infected with the AIDS virus (HIV) as of June 1986, 70 to 80% will not develop full blown AIDS? Little is being said about the work of Mother Nature in this area. Our ears are saturated with the fearful and hopeless information that the media is constantly trying to inject into our systems. However, last year two amazing studies revealed the work of nature. The first one was conducted at the University of California in San Francisco that found a new subset of white blood cells (C.D. 8 ) that the body had developed to suppress HIV. The second study, conducted by the Center of Disease Control in Atlan ta, found neutralizing antibodies to HIV in saliva, which proved the non-transmission of AIDS through saliva. Why then do some people's bodies suppress this virus, while other develop AIDS-Related Complex (ARC) or full blown AIDS? Perhaps Mother Nature has some answers.

Yes, AIDS can mean death--the death of an old life style, but it can also mean the birth of a new one. Today's healers and therapists are more than ever alert and tuned into the unfolding healing powers of our temples: our bodies. The healing process has already begun for those courageous beings who are actively changing their lifestyles and observing the sel f transformation of their bodies, minds and spirits.” 21

WALKING FOR THE HEALTH OF IT

In any event, you don't want to bore yourself with the same daily route, Even if you are going to work, you can take different routes to get there. If you are just getting started on a walking program, want to get ready for the longer walk to work, you can choose a half-mile route, a mile route, a two-mile route, a three-mile route and a five-mile route. Tackle one at a time. You will find that you will be ready to increase your distance on the frequency of every 21 days. It takes about that long for the body to adjust to the new demands and build up for the next challenge.

by RICHARD THOMAS EDWARDS It Is quite common to find retirees walking the inside track of local malls throuqh the United States. If you have seen them, ever wonder what they were up to? No, they weren't casing the area for a possible overthe-hill robbery caper. What they were doing was in creasing their chances of living longer. They were walkfng for the health of it.

Don't stop once you've gotten up to five miles. You can add your half-mile and the rest of the longer routes to the five-mile route until you are up to ten miles per day. That's a lot of walking. But put it in the proper perspective. Every mile you walk increases your life span, reduces the chances of a heart attack, and reduces the amount you weigh, without dieting. WALKING WITH GROUPS If you are like many people, you may want to walk with your spouse or with a group. There is security in numbers. Walking with someone makes the time pass more quickly and the distance not seem so long. The only drawback is when you get involved with a group and they set the pace. It could be slower or faster than what you are used to. And there is always some one in the crowd that wants to show off by being the guy or gal in front or slowing the group down.

Walking instead of running? You bet. Human beings learn how to walk at a very early age. Few of us realize how important walking can be. It is taken for granted. Yet a walking program can save your life, increase your lifespan, and literally eliminate the chances of a heart attack. Walking can also be used for losing weight and preparing the body for a jogging or running regime. Further, there are advantages to walking over running which need to be addressed.

WALKING AS A SPORT

Walking reduces the chance of small bone fractures and shock on the entire leg locomotion apparatus.

Once you get ready for an These walks, participants you can goat breaks along

You can walk to work without having to worry about perspiration and body odor. One of the reasons why a jogger or runner gets sweaty is because he or she is getting from Point A to Point R much faster than a walker. That may sound trivial, but there are two positive advantages here.

up around 6 to 10 miles, you will be untimed sport known as volksmarching. conducted on nature trails, award with a medal. These are untimed and it on a self-paced basis, taking all the the way you want to take.

WALKING WHEN THE WEATHER GETS BAD

First, walking to work or just plain having a walking regime reduces the visibility--you won't get hassled as much. Second, by the time that runner or jogger gets to the same place where you are going, takes a shower, and gets dressed, he or she will find you at your office and enjoying the morning newspaper. The rabbit-versus-the-turtle routine is true to life.

Those retirees I mentioned at the beginning have a good idea. Most malls are enclosed and nobody bothers them while they wear the tiles inside the mall. It 1 s a good place for you to continue your walking regime should the weather turn bad on you. Further, you don't have to know the distance, simply the time you spend walking. If you've gotten up to two hours worth of walking, just simply follow the crowd around the mall for those two hours. It may not have the hills, but you will get the distance out of the mall .

The advantages of a walking routine include all of those involving a jogging or running routine. Do this in the morning and your metabolic rate through out the day increases. You will be less likely to want that coffee-and-doughnut break, and you will keep your cardiovascular system young and healthy. Further, you don't have to invest in running or jogging shoes or warm-up suits. Normal daily attire will do just ft ne.

If you don't have a local mall, you may want to be come a member of your local YMCA or YWCA. Again, you can use the gym as your walking area and estab lish time over distance as your priority. When you add all of this together, you have a program that will work for you. When someone asks you what you are doing, you can tell them that you are walking for the health of it. And you can smile to yourself because you know that is exactly what you are doing.

ESTABLISHING ROUTES The average person walks from 12 to 16 miles per day on the job. Still, if you have been noticing the scales going up instead of stabilizing, you are going to want to do something about it without having to go on a forever diet. You can burn up extra calories by adding 5 miles' worth. The amount varies from 100 to 209 calories per hour depending upon the speed with which you cover the distance. 22

from a photo by ^hillip Smith

IN PRAISE OF NOBODY by JOHN KOHL After this last visit, I would have taken him home with me if I were allowed to have a pet in my apart ment and if his owner would give his consent. Maybe next year, after this lease is up?

n my visits to Running Water, among all the flora and fauna and homo sapiens that abound there, Nobody stands out in my affections. Yes, there are certain humans there with whom I share a wonder__ ful. treasured affection and commonality. But t h e ^ ^ r e not always available when I need them. Sometimes they are busy and do not wish to be bothered by my affection. Nobody fills the gap.

Human relationships can be so complicated. Where else does one find the unquestioning love and loyalty of a well-mannered dog? Yet owning a dog is also quite a responsibility, and a commitment which it would be difficult for a vagabond like me to assume.

For those of you who don't know him, Nobody is a little dog--a wiry little terrier of some sort (sorry, I don't know my dogs). He is kind of shy, suffering from some kind of dog psychosis. He doesn't have any friends now that Violet (a chow chow) is gone. (He used to worship Violet— I have a picture of him groom ing her.)

So why don't they have time-sharing for pets? Would it be emotionally hard on them to change "owners" every couple of years? Could visitation rights be arranged for the estranged "parents" ' Is there a Big Brothers/Big Sisters program for dogs? Would just S12 a month be enough to feed, clothe, and pay medical expenses for the dog of my choice? (Why not?--Hindu expatriates have been known to sponsor cows, inasmuch as it is good karma or perhaps ensures that one will not end up being served up in a McOonald's in one's next incarnation!) Is up down? Can cats oink? (Whoops! -Sorry, got carried away there!)

Goldie is the number one dog of the house, so Nobody quietly stays on the sidelines--in the swing on the porch when it is cold, and inside where it is cooler when it's hot outside. (He and I would be incompat ible in that regard: I am the thin-blooded type my self.)

Well, Nobody is my "baby"--or would be,' if circum stances allowed. He is such a sweetheart! Next time you see him, give him my love!

But he is always ready for and appreciative of atten tion and affection. He looks up at me with those eyes that are enough to melt my heart instantly, and he could do no wrong. Some people might think he is a bit of a pest at times: sometimes he jumps up on you to let you know he is ready for some pettin', but he is so little that I don't mind. 23

j W |

1 here are a variety of practices that ex| press love and affection without exposing the participants to infection. Sharing of orgasms, which is the "cement" of re lationships and the sine qua non of recreational sex, is still quite possibl e.~ The only rule is, no ex change of body fluids. The quality of the sexual ex perience relies on love, creativity, and feedback. With conventional insertion of the penis into the mouth or rectum discouraged, individuals can adjust by finding sexual satisfaction in other practices. Couples facing abrupt changes in their sexual habits should be reassured by the admonition that there is no "normal" or "natural" way for sex to proceed. Sex researchers and counselors have maintained that "sex equals intercourse" is a misconception born out of popular myths and stereotypes. The assumption that intercourse ought to be the absolute conclusion to every sexual encounter has been called the "myth of coital primacy." Improvement of the sexual experience is accomplished'by turning attention to overlooked but essential components, for example: touching, relaxa tion, masturbation, communication, fantasies, and sharing of erotic needs.

have the most explosive orgasms through hand stimulation. Of course, explosive orgasms and being taken care of are not the only things I want from sex, and intercourse is better at providing some of the other things I want. But now that I know what leads to what, I feel I have more options and can better choose one that will fit my wants at the moment.

Kissing, fondling, sucking, and manipulation of the genitals and penetration surrogates have been popular ly regarded as subservient to sexual intercourse, as is implied in the word "foreplay." Since the goal of a sexual encounter is recreation or communication, the emphasis on intercourse may distract many people from discovering practices they like very much and actually may prefer. In their intelligent book, Male Sexual ity, Bernie Zilbergeld and John (Jinan cite one heterosexual man who testified:

"he parallels with oral and anal sex among homosexuals should be obvious. In an age when many individuals will be substituting other means of stimulation for coitus, it is interest ing to note that many will find that they don't necessarily prefer to conclude their sexual experience by ejaculating inside the mouth or rectum. They will be joined by those who ordinarily reach orgasm through intercourse but respond best to manual stimulation and will suffer not at all in the practice of safe sex. Some will regret the loss of oral sex as a coital sub stitute, only to realize that this does not mean an end to sexual satisfaction. Oral sex, though pleasur able to many, is clearly not the only noncoital way to achieve orgasm and, depending on the participants, may not be the most enjoyable.

For many years, while I enjoyed all kinds of sexual stimulation, I always insisted on "finishing" (coming) inside a vagina. I just "knew" that this was the best way. I was quite surprised when I finally allowed myself to climax with other types of stimulation. I enjoyed a sense of being done to or being taken care of that I rarely got with intercourse, and I found that I

To be safe in sex, shift from copulation to eroticiz ing nonrisk parts of the body. The techniques of this 24

a r e l a r g e l y u n e x p l o r e d , so e a c h p a r t i c i p a n t c a n a s o r t o f p i o n e e r in t h i s i m p o r t a n t p a r t o f t h e

become times.

The adjustment to safe sex may be facilitated by the use of beautiful and simple sexual exercises that Masters and Johnson called "sensate focusing" but that sex therapist Helen Singer Kaplan prefers to call "pleasuring." The exercises begin with gentle caress ing, stroking, and nuzzling all other parts of the body except the genitals. In many cases the feelings aroused are sensuous but not sexual, and enjoyment is gained through feelings for their own sake. The ob jective is to free the participants from sexual pressures and enhance the affectionate bond between them. A subsequent exercise, genital pleasuring, involves stroking, sucking, fondling, and otherwise manually stimulating the genitals. The sensations are main tained without sexual intercourse and can be sustained without the pressure of sexual achievement. Again, the aim is to build the intimacy through the mutual enjoyment of pleasurable sensations. Through these exercises couples can further eroticize nonrisk parts of the body through relaxation and focus. Individuals can therefore expand their per sonal universe of erogenous feelings and determine new kinds of stimulation they like. Yes, there is a less restrictive form of "safe sex." Projections of "relative risk" are speculative and hypothetical. An individual who becomes infected through a_ny sexual contact would find little consola tion in learning that the activity which led to it was "relatively safe." Copulation can take place in relatively safe sex with the use of a condom. However, condoms can rupture, in which case they lose their effectiveness. In using lubricants with condoms, care must be taken not to use oil-based products such as Vaseline (which can emulsify and weaken latex condoms). K-Y jelly is recommended. Another "less safe" approach form is the use of a condom in oral sex. Sexual communication training, useful in promoting mutual enjoyment in coitus, again has a place in safe sex. It involves exploring pleasurable stimulations and then communicating these effectively to one's sexual partner. Couples are encouraged to make greater use of imagery and imagination, encouraging fantasies which are playful and sexually safe. It is a well-known fact that most humans fantasize during sex. It is the internal component of the sexual act, patterned by learning and imagination, unique from person to person. The image and reveries of erotic fantasy are possibly more important in safe sex than sex in general. Fantasies are especially valuable when shared between partners, which helps build trust and intimacy. They are a practice, particularly when acted upon, which can often be done within the guidelines of safe sex. Interestingly, the not sexual acts at focus on imaginary situations. Their sexual experience.

focus of most sexual fantasies is all. Rather, they more often roles, partners, places, and function is to intensify the

When "unsafe" sexual practices (oral and/or anal sex, etc.) are central to the fantasy, it is always possible to preserve safe sex by retaining the mental images but changing the sex act itself. An individual who is sick or who has an otherwise damaged immune system is apparently at greater risk for contracting the AIDS virus. Thus you should avoid sex if you are feeling ill, especially if you are "feverish." Individuals previously unfamiliar with the concept of "safe sex" (to avoid AIDS virus infection) are often shocked to read "the rules." A frequent response is "It sounds too much like no sex." However, unless a definitely uninfected couple is enjoying a completely monogamous relationship, "safe sex" is an intelligent step in the direction of self-preservation.

T recently ran across a couple of good recipes for tofu I thought I would pass along to all my readers. Tofu is a very nutritious source of protein. It's high in calcium and low in calories, fat, sodium, and like all vegetable products it has no cholesterol. It's also a good source of iron and B vitamins. Here is an example of how tofu stands up to a few other sources of proteins. This is based on 100 grams, approximately \ pound.

HI everyone, Hope all of you made it through the winter doldrums and the floods of spring safely and with no real problems. I apologize for not being able to get my column in for the spring issue, but I had a very de manding schedule that gave me little time for much o f anything other than work.

PROTEIN SOURCE

CALORIES

cottage cheese

PROTEIN

FAT

CHOLESTEROL

SODIUM

106

13.6 grams

4.2 grams

15 mi 1 1 igrams

220 ml‘11 igrams

| choice beef round

1^7

°0 . 9 grams

12.3 arams

70 mil 1 igrams

65 mil 1igrams

eggs k---i toru

160

1 .?.° grams

11.5 grams

550 milligrams

122 milligrams

7.8 grams

4.2 grams

0 milligrams

7 milligrams

.....

. - —

Here are the recipes I promised you. Hope you enjoy them as much as I have. The recipes are taken from Sybil 1s Guide to Tofu, the American Way, by Sybil Henderson.

SLOPPY JOES 6 tablespoons oil 1 large onion, diced 2 medium green peppers, diced 2 cans (15 oz.) Spanish style tomato sauce 1*2 tablespoons chili powder 1 teaspoon salt (if desired) 1 / 8 teaspoon black pepper *5 teaspoon dried oregano 1 tablespoon soy sauce 1 tablespoon sugar 1 tablespoon prepared mustard 1 tablespoon sugar l h lbs. regular tofu, frozen, thawed, squeezed, and crumbled 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce

by R a p h a e l

Sabatini

Rijk Wilkinson of Sparta Missouri died of a heart at tack in late May. He was and still is a Fairy.

1. In a large skillet, heat 3 tablespoons oil and saute onion and peppers until tender. Add tomato sauce, chili powder, salt, pepper, oregano, soy sauce, mustard, and sugar.

I spent the last New Year's Eve kissing, hugging, loving, and giggling with him until the very wee hours of the morning--I'm sure keeping everyone else in the house very unamused.

2. In another heavy skillet, heat remaining 3 table spoons of oil, add tofu and Worcestershire sauce and stir until tofu is nicely browned and Worcestershire sauce is absorbed. Add tomato sauce mixture and simmer another five minutes. Serve over rolls, buns, or bread with a nice salad.

When I called his daughter, Julie, to extend my heartfelt condolences, she said, "Cry for yourself— not for Dad. There will be no funeral, memorial ser vice or notice in the paper. We will have one hell of a bon voyage party. Dad would have wanted it that way."

Serves 5.

Julie is truly a wise woman apd knowing daughter.

NOTE: The secret to these sloppy joes is to use frozen tofu. When frozen, tofu takes on a completely different character. After thawing, crumbling and sauteing, tofu that's been frozen has the same charac teristics as hamburger.

I and many others will miss Rijk. Mcaaxj Meet, Me.AAtj paA t and MeAAy Meet Aqatn.

by Les P a r k e r

TOFU MILKSHAKE 1 1 1 1 1

cup soft tofu cup milk, chi 1 led tablespoon sugar ripe banana teaspoon vanilla

Serves 2 .

On May 29th a bell ringing by my bed announced itself about 8 a.m. A voice said, "This is Julie, Rijk died about 2:30 this morning from a heart attack." My mind was still numb from sleep and it took a long pause and questions to determine that it was Julie Wilkinson telling me that her Dad Rijk was gone from US. Rijk was a sweet, loving and wonderful man who shared warmth with all he touched and one of the nicest guys I've had the pleasure to share visits and gatherings with. He has been a fine host at our men’s potlucks and we shall all miss him greatly.

Love to all of you and hope you have a beautiful and bountiful summer.

Rijk was a dedicated vegetarian, had many birds and animals on his farmland near Sparta, Missouri. He had fought a serious heart problem for years but was an energetic person who helped in getting our South west Missouri Men's Potlucks started in 1986 and our June 21st dinner is dedicated to this dear friend.

1. Put all ingredients in a blender or food process or; process until smooth. 2.

Pour into two chilled glasses and serve.

In the Fall of 1986 he attended the Louisiana gather ing at David's farm and was the belle of the party. His costumes and banners were a delight to all his friends. God Bless you dearest Rijk. 27

BACKPACKERS he day was lying down behind Big Fodderstack Mountain when we got to the little glade just off the trail. We were stiff and footsore after the long hike down from Swan Meadows. We had force-marched the last couple of kilometers because we knew that if we dropped those packs one more time, off they'd stay till daylight. We fully understood the feeling and meaning of "grate ful" as we shoved them off our aching shoulders and propped them against a yellow birch hard by the glade. There was a seasonal pool there, with a few salamander larvae flitting about in it. Beyond this pool and around the hill was a small spring-branch. Without wanting to in the least, my man painfully made his way thirty meters or so uphill to the cavity be neath the limestone boulder from which the spring fl owed. He cleaned the basin and made a spout from poplar bark. When the water had cleared he continued to sit, eyes closed, absorbing energy from the mossy stones and the healthy sound of the trickle. I had to call him. He roused himself, filled the collapsible with pure, clean aquifer water and labored back to camp. I had pitched the tent, unrolled our sleeping bags within, zipped them together, cleared the fire-ring for safety and now had a hot blaze astutely occupied with the chemistry of reductional oxidation. While I set about tinkering with the victuals he took himself naked to the creek and made a gloriously chilly bath in the deep hole there. The coals were almost right when he returned, dripping, for a towel and Sea Breeze. I dribbled water over the dehydrated rations and then stripped, leaving him to start supper while I did my turn in the icy stream. It was so cold it made the arthritic bones ache, but I wasn't about to snuggle up to a sweetly clean man when I stunk clear to Clingman's Dome! In due course I had on clean clothes and finished syn thesizing a culinary catastrophe which we scarfed down like the Vandals sacking Europe. Mountain air and ravenous appetites do wonders for curing a finicky palate. After a substantial snort of Scotch apiece we crawled into the tent, shucked our clothes and snuggled deep into the doubled bags. We were out in an instant. About eleven that night we were thoroughly awakened by a pair of barred owls doing some heavy courting in a hemlock tree about twenty meters uphill from our tent. They are called "laughing owls," locally, and with good reason. The field guide neglects to mention the incredible variety of very loud chuckles, warbles, hoots and hee-haws that a couple of screwing owls can unleash upon the Pompeii of our camp like the lava of a raptorial Mount Aetna. Any sleep being obviated, we cuddled and loved for a few hours until they calmed down. Finally we dozed off.

BY STEVE MORROW 4 Copy right 1987 by Steve Morrow li 28

smiled that smile that makes me melt in my socks. We stepped onto the illegal first kilometer of the trail, in the posted watershed of a large resort.

I woke when the sun hit the tent. He was snoring very, very softly through his milk-white teeth. A couple of his moustache-hairs thrilled gently on the exhale. His skin was bronze and beautiful, freckles and a mole or two peeking through here and there. The black curls on his chest glinted with a faint dew of perspiration and his odor filled the sagging nylon bag of our "home."

Twenty meters inside the thicket of mountain laurel we could walk easily, for the Indians who poached the area regularly had trimmed out a path, well-concealed. Half a kilometer further on we hit the Hudson section. He was already impressed with the easy, consistent grade which lacked steep climbs, and now the nine teenth-century stonemasonry captivated his imagina tion. We had to sidestep trees seven and eight deci meters in diameter which had grown up in the middle of the trail. This gives a fair idea of the age of the path.

I cuddled up close and he gave that little moan that the book writers call "yum." His well-muscled arms closed about me as I slid my left leg across his right. His head was cradled in the crook of my right arm and my left hand was gently stroking that little spot of male pattern-baldness that makes him look so wise and mature and strong.

We stopped in Rock House Cove and stripped and show ered under the waterfall there. As I stood in the rockshelter watching the sun glint through the falling water, he bade me stand very still. He carefully positioned my head a fraction and kissed me warmly. When I came up for air, he showed me why. There was a drop of water clinging to a tuft of moss at the brink of the cliff and the sunlight that hit it was broken into colors. He had just enough time to move my lips into it and kiss me through and within the magic of that rainbow. No one else in the universe shares that experience to my knowledge.

His left arm encircled my back and his fingers softly played along my ribcage. It tickled. I got the giggles. He moaned "yum" again and one eye blinked open after a few false starts, and squinted at me in the morning light. He grinned and gave me a rampinfested whisper, "I love you." I kissed him as deep ly as I could and the snuggling began. We paused long enough to go water some thirsty bushes and stick a fingerful of toothpaste into each other's mouths to kill (or at least slow down) the stench of ramps and went back into the tent. An al1-too-short time later the bed was a total wreck, and feeling very well-siept-with we finally got up to meet the beauty of the day.

Later, crossing into Blackgum Cove, two mated pairs of rose-breasted grosbeaks, a mated pair of scarlet tanagers, and a single male blacburnian warbler chased us out of their territory, hopping from limb to limb and shrieking curses as they followed our progress through the forest. It was a first for both of us.

He puttered a fire into existence while I, modest in a pair of purple Braxton cutoffs, tried my luck in the creek. Four nice, fat rainbows and a lost Tellico Nymph later I was back at the fire. The coals were ready so I cleaned fish while he "scrambled" powdered eggs and made noodles and cheese-sauce: a brunch to stick to the ribs.

We took a chilly swim in Bear Creek and found a likely place to pitch camp upstream near the old Confederate graveyard. Off across the field a bobwhite whistled its lonesome, sweet sound, while my love and I had a Scotch or four and sat cuddling by the cold fire ring, catching the last warm rays of the spring sun before woodgetting.

We fed each other with our fingers from a common bowl and then drank warm tea. Each of us took part in washing dishes, washing ourselves and each other, "pissing out" the fire and breaking camp. With my eyes glued to the pistons of his furry legs, we fell into an easy hiking rhythm up the steep trail.

His breath teased my curls as he whispered for me to sit very, very still and look toward the appletree in the meadow. Three soft-eyed, russet-brown deer stood there watching us mildly. Occasionally they would browse a bit, but mostly they seemed just as inter ested in what we were doing as we were in their tame ness. A crested flycatcher spoiled it all by swooping down and snatching a strand of my hair, to which I ob jected loudly. Himself was giggling fit to choke.

By lunchtime we were on the Forty-Mountain trailhead. It was getting as hot as the hinges of hades and we both wished we had stayed down on the creek. We dined on granola bars, raisins, beef sticks and flat-tasting water, listening to the hundreds of chestnut-sided warblers singing, "these trees y'see'r' BEECHES!" He picked some longspurred violets from a clump beside the trail, first thanking the elementals for the gift, and stuck them haphazard into my hair. I felt like my heart was crying.

The plants and animals of Gaea were all around us, doing what came naturally to them, following their genetic programs written by millions of years of evolution and being content with it. I think about that, now, as I stare at these cramped lines painfully scribbled with the stubby Dixon Invader; as I look at him lying there on the divan, one foot on the floor pillowing the setter's coppery head. I believe deep within me that the wild things were aware that we were also doing what came naturally to us, and that this is why we were allowed to approach so close, to share in so much. It is called love. It is called brother hood. It is called gay.

He is so good to me; so good for me. He does some pretty wonderful things to the inside of my head. I kissed him very well because a man well-kissed remem bers it for a long time. It is also one of the few things a guy can do for his man that is right. Affec tion cannot be faked. He responded gently, tenderly, as a man can do only when he has been well-treated with unconditional love. Directly we got up and put on our packs. There was that special light in his beryl-green eyes, and he

doors (the Amway lady could appear at any minute!) I tear off the wrapper--"Oh, Geez this one's in full color!" Scrunching down in my easy chair my eyes devour the pages. Staring wide-eyed in awe and envy: "Do you believe the size of that thing! My gosh, that's a good ten inches long and as big around as my f ist!" The ad read: "Be the first to have this new dis covery for your very own. Be the envy of your friends." Shit, my hands were shaking! It continued, "We call this one, 'Big and Beautiful' and best of all it's burpless! Yes, it's true, Burpee's new, im proved Hybrid Cucumber is burpless!" ruriously turning pages I see beans: bush beans, pole beans, qarbanzo beans! And corn, and 'maters 'n ' taters--oh my God!--I'm doing it again. I can feel the symptoms creeping up on me„ Those pages are fairly singing--"Spring is just an order away." I've got to fight this off. I promised myself last year and the year before this would not happen. I will not be seduced again! Last year the loneliness, bore dom and cabin fever really got to me. Just how much can one poor li'l ole country boy take? I sent in my biggest check ever. "This will just have to make spring come sooner," I said while slipping the order in the mail. And look what happened--we had that big freeze in June and it zapped everything.

LETTERS FROM THE ...A PLAIN BROWN WRAPPER

Seventeen dollars worth of vegetable seeds alone! Do you know how many veggies that will plant? Let's put it this way: at one foot intervals you could hoe, hoe, hoe all the way from here to Miami! Peanuts were fun to plant but not to dig up. Six varieties of melons were a good idea--to extend the harvest season. But I didn't recognize some of them and cut into a whole lot of hard, bitter melons before I figured out the secret of knowing when they were ripe, '•/hen the chickens pecked them full of holes and ate the insides--that's when.

bv LEE LAWRENCE They're coming at me again. They wait until the days are gray and snowy--day after day after day. They wait until the nights are bitter cold with gusts of hail and sleet thrown in to weaken my spirit and when just getting out from under the covers to stoke the fire turns my whole body into one massive shiver. They wait until I have to slog through mud or snow to feed the horses so by the time I've slipped and slid to and from the barn I'm a broken man. O nly my keen sense of survival reminds me to bring in an armload of firewood and a bucket of coal. Later, muffled to the eyeballs, I'll plod to the mailbox. It's been at least a week since the last one came and on a day like this with the snow bending the cedars as if in prayer--it can't fail. I'm practically pleading with the Man upstairs: "Don't let them do this to me. Don't they realize that I'm just a po' country fella all alone up here in these mountains." There's no one I can do it . . .n o one to help me get my . . . there's nothing!

Cucumbers and zucchinis almost did me in. A slice or cucumber in a gin and tonic is nice but what if you don't like pick!es--which I don't--what then? Well, you pick 'em anyway and fill the fridge and watch them shrivel, turn gray and get hairy. There's no way a guy can eat zucchini as fast as the damn things grow. I planted a whole row--just in case. In case the entire Saturday night crowd from the Copa came for 1 unch. My birdhouse gourds grew better than anything else-but unless you're a bluejay--who gives a shit? I was buried in broccoli, bursting with beans and bombarded with brussel sprouts.

I approach the mailbox with trepidation. Maybe the long awaited check from the .leaders Digest or Life magazine will come, maybe a publisher will be begging for my latest book idea. Or maybe there'll be an other one of "them." There's the usual assortment of junk mail, a bill from Ma pell, one from the electric company, the truck insurance is due. My sense of depression is deepening, 'fill the grayness never end? "fnow, snow go away--come again another day.” Beneath the pile of bills and direct mail fire start ers I see one. The familiar plain brown wrapper.

But I learned my lesson. Now the catalogs go up in smoke as quickly as they come. I will not be seduced into spending wads of money on plants that won't grow, seeds that don't germinate--or even worse-seeds that do! Never again will I suffer from an attack of the giant zucchini. Mext year I'll measure my garden in inches, not yards --I'll accept veqgies from neighbors who have nothing better to do than guide their Troy-Bilts up and down the rows. No sir-ree. No way I'm gonna suckered in to the garden catalog syndrome again! Not me!

Quickly stuffing it under my jacket--mustn't let any one $ee--and with a growing sense of anticipation (just 'cause I'm a po' country boy all alone in the mountains don't mean I ain't human!) I race back to the house. Pulling the draperies and locking the 3D

Basketmaking flourished on Staten Island during the 1800's because of its unique geography and ecology. The island is located in a transitional 2one between Northern black ash basketry and Southern white oak basketry, therefore, both types of splintwork were common. Also, cultivated willow plantations were found here for supplying osiers to immigrating European willow basketmakers.

THE BASKETMAKERS HOUSE

The impressive collections at the Restoration reflect this active basketmaking community and I have found these artifacts to be an important study collection for re-discovering the craft as it was practiced years ago. The collection of more than 500 original baskets includes examples of many of the regional variations in splintwork that developed during the nineteenth century: Northeast Woodland Indian, Shaker, and locally made "Yankee" baskets. The museum also possesses early tools, molds, and primary source materials from the basketmakers themselves such as diaries, account books and other written records.

by GARY O’BRIEN About 100 years ago, wood splint basketmaking ceased at the Morgan farmhouse, known today as The Basketmaker's House,, But now, thanks in part to a generous grant from the National Endowment for the Humanities, basketry traditions continue here as I weave white oak, black ash and other hardwoods into baskets, much as they were fashioned in the nineteenth century.

If you find yourself visiting New York City this summer, I hope you can stop in at The Basketmaker's House to visit and to watch the work in progress In our museum store you'll find many baskets for sale, as well as my book called A Guide To Wood Spiint Baskets. The book illustrates the house and my baskets and is also available by mail for $3.50 post paid. Send inquiries to Gary O'Brien, Basketmaker, 23 Belair Road, Staten Island, NY 10305.

The Basketmaker's House, built circa 1810 as the Modest home of farmers who practiced the craft as a part-time, seasonal occupation, is one of many historic structures at Richmondtown Restoration, Staten Island, New York. The Restoration, an outdoor history museum of more than ninety acres, is a joint venture of the City of New York and the Staten Island Historical Society.

Richmondtown Restoration is open year-round, Wednesday-Friday, 10-5, and weekends, 1-5.

I became a basketmaker, by accident, years ago while working in the woodworking shops at Old Sturbridge Village, a living history museum in Massachusetts. At that time, the curators desperately needed repro duction baskets for use in the historic village. No staff member was familiar with the craft, so I offered to try my luck. Later, when I moved on to Rich mondtown, after being named participating craftsman for the NEH grant, I left behind interpretive train ing materials so that basketmaking could continue at Sturbridge. Creating an historically accurate program in tradi tional wood splint basketry at The Basketmaker's House during the grant period was a challenge indeed. I found myself involved in all phases of the craft: searching out suitable tools, designing and reproduc ing molds and equipment for work at the house, study ing and cataloging the large basket collection at the museum, and developing interpretive programming for the many New York City school children who visit The Basketmaker1s House as part of thematic museum tours. Perhaps the greatest challenge was securing suitable timber for my work. Because of the urban-suburban nature of the island today, the white oak forests and other woodlands are protected as part of New York City's extensive park system. My solution has been to act as my own wood-scout during frequent trips to New England. By dividing my time between The Basketmaker's House and my home in Massachusetts, 1 find myself exploring the traditional origins of the craft, as well as investigating new directions as a con temporary craftsman working in my modern workshop.

[Reprinted from The Basketmaker Q u ar te rl y, Summer 1985] 31

NATIONAL FORUM ON

Vaughn Frick

BIODIVERSITY IS ANYBODY LISTENING? by

REED

NOSS

(This article was first printed in Karth F i r s t l , November 1, 1986, P.O. Box 5871, Tucson, AZ 85703.1

F '

rom September ?1 to ?5, in Washington, O.C., the National Academy of Sciences and the Smithsonian Institution sponsored a "National Forum on Biodiversity." On the program were some of the biggestJ named VIPs in ecology and conservation biology: Ehrlich, Janzen, Nations, Lovejoy, Myers, Raven, Souls, Wilson, and many more. Even the famous Harvard paleontologist, Stephen Jay Gould, was there to deliver a keynote lecture. Has conservation biology hit the big time?

As participant David Ehrenfeld noted, just twenty or thirty years ago few believed that biological diver sity could be endangered in its totality, so a nation al forum on the topic would have been unthinkable. Today, an "academic cottage industry" has assembled itself to pontificate on the subject; to publish papers in esoteric journals; and to warn the public of the folly of population growth, economic expansion,

and habitat destruction. Unquestionably, important things are being said. But is anybody listening? Press coverage of the forum has been almost nonexist ent. If an assemblage of this eminence fails to at tract people's attention, what will? The rorum line-up was dominated by academic biologists and ecologists, which was appropriate since the ob jective of the forum was an overview of the current research findings on what and where is biodiversity, what is its significance, how is it endangered, and to a somewhat lesser extent, what can be done to save it. ■"^re were many wondrous stories on intricate biotas and interactions among organisms, tempered by an everexpanding list of species and ecosystems on the brink of annihilation. Economists and apologists for development were there to give their unsatisfactory side of the story. A few speakers addressed some nonrational and spiritual values of biodiversity. Larry Littlebird offered tribal stories and songs, and Michael McClure recited inspiring poems.

forest, but most has already been destroyed because it was easier to colonize and cultivate. Only .08% of the dry forest in Central America is currently protected. Temperate ecosystems, which have suffered worse than any others, were discussed by Paul Rissner (prairies) and Jerry Franklin (old growth forests of the Pacific Northwest). These speakers emphasized the need for ecological restoration and a landscape level of focus. Finally, G. Carleton Ray spoke on ecolog ical diversity in oceans and coastal zones. Although terrestrial ecosystems collectively contain more species than the oceans, there are twice as many phyla (basic kinds of biological organization) in the oceans. This fact, together with evidence that coast al zones are being destroyed just as fast as tropical rainforests, suggests that conservationists should pay much more attention to non-terrestrial ecosystems.

A dominant theme of the forum was that the present extinction crisis is not mainly a problem of overexploitation of species, but rather of habitat loss and the fragmentation of remaining habitat into ever smaller, more isolated pieces. Where hunting is a problem, for example, it is usually because roads and other forms of habitat fragmentation have made wild areas more accessible. This recognition, however, illustrates the terrestrial bias of most conservation biologists; in the oceans, direct exploitation is still a major problem for whales and many fishes. But habitat destruction, in the form of pollution and siltation, is a problem here as well. Some speakers pointed out that whereas "charismatic megavertebrates" such as tigers, gorillas, and whales receive much public attention, unspectacular and uncuddly species such as many invertebrates, plants, bacteria, and fungi are actually far more important to ecosystem function. But primatologist Russ Mittermeier demon strated that charismatic megavertebrates can serve as "flagship species" and "umbrella species" to encourage the preservation of whole ecosystems. Debate continues on the question of how many species now exist on Earth. About 1.6 million species have been described so far, with traditional estimates of the total number of species ranging from two to ten million. Recent studies of the insect fauna of tropical forest canopies place the number far higher. Smithsonian coleopterist Terry Erwin, working in the Amazonian rainforests, reported a few years ago that the earth may contain about thirty million insect species alone. On the basis of further studies, he reported at the forum that he has revised his estimate upwards to fifty million species, most with very localized distributions. A piece of tropical rain forest half the size of a football field contains more than 10,000 species of beetles. E. 0. Wilson reported that the ants collected from a single tree on Erwin's study plot in Peru comprised forty-three species in twenty-three genera, which is about the same as the total ant fauna of the British Isles. These new estimates are critical, because they sig nificantly increase the estimated rate of species extinction, most of which is occurring in the tropics.

The number of species that an ecosystem contains was assumed by most participants to be a measure of its worth, in connection with the utilitarian inclination to treat all species as reservoirs of genetic informa tion of potential use to humans. Hence the emphasis on tropical forests. Several speakers asserted that the loss of genetically distinct populations within species is just as important as species extinction. Others suggested that the loss of characteristic na tive ecosystems is as important as the loss of species. Harold Mooney and Peter Vitousek both emphasized that the addition of species to ecosystems is as worrisome as losses. The "enrichment" of floras usually re presents invasion by disturbance-adapted, weedy species. When cosmopolitan invaders replace endemics, or come to dominate the flora or fauna, the net result is homogenization of biotas and a loss of global diversity. I was particularly glad to see this in creasing recognition of scale problems in the pre servation of diversity. A particularly pernicious talk was by Ariel Lugo of the U.S. Forest Service. Lugo stressed the "resil iency" of ecosystems to human abuse and the need for "scientific credibility" 1n estimating deforestation and extinction rates. He suggested, on the basis of guesswork, that no more than 9% of species will be lost by the turn of the century from tropical de forestation. He then repeated the misleading statistic that although Puerto Rico lost over 90% of its forest, it lost only about 20% of its species. . Aside from the holistic recognition that the loss of forest eco system integrity is at least as significant as a decline in species richness per ses Lugo fails to con sider that many existing species on Puerto Rico are long-lived but present in small numbers, and therefore on the road to extinction. Small population size pre disposes species to extinction due to inbreeding depression, and demographic and environmental stochasticity. The fact that relatively few species have

Tropical rainforests were recognized by most partici pants as the most endangered ecosystems on Earth, largely because of their high species richness and the rapid rate of destruction (up to 100,000 square kilo meters lost each year, with an equal area disturbed by highgrading, limited agriculture, etc.). But some forum participants pointed to other ecosystem types as equally deserving of attention. Ecologist Dan Janzen reported that tropical dry forest originally covered 40-60% of the tropics, much more than rain 33

been lost from Puerto Rico so far is also related to the relatively brief period of deforestation on the island, with rapid secondary succession in the hurri cane-adapted forests. Because recent diversity in creases on Puerto Rico are due to an influx of exotics, a continued loss of native diversity is likely. Lugo prefers to err on the sTrfe of destruction rather than on the side of preservation, which is especially dangerous in light of the Forest Service's disastrous management plan for the Caribbean National Forest, the only tropical forest in the National Forest system. (This despicable plan, which designates 21% of the forest as suitable for intensive commercial timber production, has been appealed by a coalition of twelve local and national conservation groups. Lugo's position as Supervisory Research Ecologist for the Forest Circus in Puerto Rico is an affront to the eco logical profession.)

Technological approaches to conservation and restora tion ecology were discussed. Most participants recognized that ex-situ conservation (zoos, botanical gardens, etc.) and biotechnology (captive propagation and associated reproductive technologies, and reintroduction programs) are no solution to the bio diversity crisis, and are at best a palliative or short-term expediency. Tom Cade discussed the suc cessful Eastern Peregrine Falcon reintroduction pro gram where there have been eighty-three known nest ings of reintroduced birds since 1979, and included slides of the "kinky" technique of training male Peregrines to mate with a special hat worn by the re searcher, thus donating sperm for artificial in semination. Restoration ecology, similarly, was seen not as a "don't worry about it, we can fix it" discipline, but rather as a technique to restore damaged landscapes, and to restore a healthy relationship between humans and nature. Bill Jordan (editor of Restoration & Management Notes) suggested that restoration is truly a ritual and a sacrament of re-entry into nature. Joy Zedler noted that restoration, as abused in mitigation projects, is often unsuccessful; the net effect is a continuing decline in habitat area and quality. Dan Janzen commented that recovery from human disturbance may take a very long time. In tropical forests, for example, an experienced field biologist would have trouble distinguishing a second ary forest 500-1000 years old from a primary forest never cleared by humans; but computer models suggest 7000-15,000 years may be required to get a stable age distribution of tree species.

Other low-quality talks were by Nyle Brady of the Agency for International Development (AID) and Lennart Ljungman of the World Bank. Both speakers served as apologists for t h e i r a g e n c i e s , and obfuscated critical Issues with a tangle of technicalities recited in fluent bureaucratese. Brady noted that AID has opposed the biodiversity bills pending in Congress be cause A10 in principle is against any earmarking of funds, which restricts its "flexibility" (i.e. its ability to rape Nature). Although Brady claimed that AID is improving its economic analyses to consider the long-term costs of development activities, and is interested in alternatives to non-sustainable agri culture, he could not offer a coherent explanation of why AID has withdrawn money from planned parenthood activities in developing countries. The inconsistency of developing sustainable agriculture while failing to promote population control did not seem to trouble Brady.

The mass extinctions that have occurred periodically in Earth's history are cited by some as evidence that what humans are doing now to biodiversity is natural and of no great consequence in the long term. David Raup noted that the mass extinction at the end of the Paleozoic Era (Permian Period), when the continents coalesced 230 million years ago, extinguished 77-96% of all species then existing. The extinction of the dinosaurs, likely caused by an asteroid or meteor striking the Earth, was the end of the Mesozoic Era (Cretaceous Period) 65 million years ago, and ex tinguished 60-80% of all species. The current ex tinction crisis is expected to be similar in magni tude to the Cretaceous extinction (barring a radical change in human behavior), but will affect a greater total number of species because more species exist now.

In contrast to Ljungman's shallow talk on World Bank programs, Robert Goodland (the World Bank's sole eco logist) offered hope that change in that menacing agency is possible--but only if vigilant environ mentalists insist on it. The new World Bank "Wildland Policy" states that the Bank will "normally" decline to finance projects involving conversion of wildlands of special concern (officially designated areas or un protected areas recognized by the scientific and con servation communities), will prefer projects to be sited on lands already converted, will allow deviations from the above only with explicit justification, will encourage biotic surveys to determine which wildlands are most valuable so that less valuable wildlands will be converted (when justified), will require compensa tion by wildlands management components whenever sig nificant conversion of wildlands is explicitly justi fied, and will consider projects that preserve wild lands for their environmental value alone.

The aftermath of each previous mass extinction was a relatively short period (a few million years) of low diversity, followed by a rapid return to pre-extinc tion 1eve! s', with major evolutionary innovations. Can we expectThe same recovery after the present wave of extinctions? Most participants were pessi mistic. For one thing, the previous extinction events did not affect a large number of plant spe cies, but plant diversity is now declining sharply. Bob Peters pointed out that climatic changes caused by increased carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, com bined with habitat fragmentation, that prevents spe cies migration in response to changing environments, is likely to generate a long-term depression in diversity. Furthermore, Janzen noted that humans are unlikely to give the planet back after the current round of extinctions. Only if Homo sapiens is ex tinguished along with the other species (or, perhaps, adopts a lifestyle concordant with deep ecology) will Earth have much of a chance to recover.

In other words, governments will now be able to borrow money from the World Bank explicitly for conservation projects, and the Bank can refuse loans for projects that do not meet the conservation criteria. There are a lot of potential loopholes in the wildland policy, and the justification is entirely anthropocentric, but at least now environmentalists have something to go on. Goodland emphasized that environmentalists must keep an eye on the Bank, and that "the best way to change an institution is to force it to abide by its own rules.’ He condoned all types of environmen tal action in behalf of wildlands. Let us continue our vigilance on the World Bank, and hope that Goodland is able to keep his job. 34

formation presented at the forum entered the neo cortex, but we must get to a much deeper level of un derstanding, He cited Arne Naess, saying that what is needed is "leadership by those who are able and willing to express their spontaneous experience of nature."

Was deep ecology in evidence at the forum? On the face of it, not much. The focus was predominantly on the uses of biodiversity, or on "environmental ser vices," rather than on intrinsic or inherent values in nature. James Nations spoke favorably of deep ecology, but noted that the philosophy runs into trouble in places where humans are also on the edge of life, the dilemma of "deep ecology meets the developing world." My response to Nations would be, no, I would not like to tell the campesino that he cannot exploit the rainforest to feed his twelve starving kids. But I would even less like to see the rainforest destroyed by millions of campesinos in the same predicament. Besides, simple scenarios of this sort do not get to the heart of the issue. Homo sapiens is more endangering than endangered. To the extent that an individual relies on modern techno logy (including modern medicine and pesticides, which have made population explosions so common), s/he has a responsibility to demonstrate restraint in repro duction and resource use. Hard decisions will have to be made, but they must be made with regard to Earth over any particular component, especially when the component is as warped in its relationship to other beings as is modern humanity.

One significant implication of the forum is that more and more academic scientists are becoming angry enough about the loss of biodiversity to speak elo quently in its defense. But all recognized that many more scientists need to get involved. The reward sys tem in science still discriminates against those who "sacrifice credibility" by addressing issues of policy or ethics. The only scientists who get away with it are those well established as objective professionals. As I have experienced personally, young scientists who step beyond objectivity or show radical tendencies have a difficult time obtaining grants and jobs. Michael Robinson and Jerry Franklin emphasized that more academic recognition must go to natural histori ans and those actively working in conservation, versus those who spend their time publishing papers on esoteric biological phenomena. So what do the eminent biologists of this forum sug gest we do to save biodiversity? Some degree of op timism is probably essential to action. As Ehrlich put it (paraphrased), "if I thought it was hopeless, I wouldn't be here--I'd be home drinking." Ehrlich said we must drastically limit human population and the scale of human activities, make areas already oc cupied by people more habitable to other organisms, convince the developing countries through exemplary behavior that we care about the problem, and assure that people are better educated about how the world works (i.e., increase ecological literacy). Though all this might seem impractical, nothing could be more impractical than the course we're on.

Although utilitarian arguments for preserving bio diversity were the mode of the forum, I sensed that most of the speakers (at least the ecologists) were ultimately motivated by deep concerns. These people are in love with Nature (see r . 0. Wilson's book, Biophilia) and have dedicated their lives to under standing Nature. naul Ehrlich, for example, spoke largely in terms of environmental services provided by natural systems, but often prefaced his arguments with something like "the anthropocentric justifica tion for preserving these functions is . . More over, Ehrlich commented that the "fundamental prob lem is to create a fundamental, quasi-religious respect for the earth," and that we cannot focus on ly on practical problems.

Participants agreed that many short-term solutions are already practical--such as enlarged parks, restoration and reintroduction programs, and pollution control-but that the governments are not supplying the neces sary money. Nor are individuals. Bill Burley noted that Americans contribute $80 billion each year to charities, with $39 billion going to churches alone. The fact that we are not contributing anything close to that for conservation is a sad reflection of our understanding of real world problems. Some speakers, such as botanist Hugh litis, did not hesitate to blame particular individuals in powerful positions, such as Reagan and the Pope. James Lovelock, originator of the Gaia theory, spoke of the "three deadly C's: combustion, cattle, and chainsaws" which threaten the future existence of the Earth Organism. He emphasized that Gaia theory is not humanistic, that we are just a part of the organism we call Earth. But unless we recognize the necessity of global altruism, evolved as it did out of local selfish interest, the homeostatic mechanisms of Earth may be strained beyond their capacity to recover. Again, there was a strong undercurrent of deep ecological understanding in this talk. But is anybody listening? Perhaps if the en tire congregation of the forum would have marched down to the White House, and . . .

Perhaps most speakers felt obliged to resort to utilitarian arguments in order to catch the atten tion of non-believers. They may be right. But at least one speaker insisted that economic arguments are counter-productive, and in the long run will make matters worse. David Ehrenfeld (author of The Arrogance of Humanism) declared that "by assigning value to biodiversity, we are justifying the trends that wipe it out," Ehrenfeld said that the economic argument has had its chance, and must be replaced by a model that is not self-contradictory. He recom mended that conservationists mobilize the passions and accept the "inherent wrongness" of destroying biodiversity. Christian theologian John Cobb declared that "the abandonment by humans of our responsibility as stewards and the destruction of whole species for short-term gains is a crime against the Creator." In the conference summary, geneticist Michael Soule (a former director of the Kuroda In stitute at the Zen Center in Los Angeles, and a fol lower of deep ecology) commented that most of the in 35

SUNBEAMS IN THE DARKNESS

like the diver's air that must escape the water. He let his feelings for the other boy surface and attempted to share his love. The very next day, his Judas friend exposed to all who would listen, what the queer had tried to do to him. My own heart wanted to reach out to this boy, but I was afraid that the others might know that I was the same as he. I could not find the courage to stand with him, and I found shadows in which to hide as they beat him. I cried tears of pain and anguish for the both of us. I was small and would have been no help at all, though I did not know or understand this, at the time. A teacher came in time to stop the mob before they had done their worst, and the boy suffered only a few scrapes and bruises at their hands. He was not hurt bad enough to stay out of school , but he never came back to my school again. Oh, could I have known then what I know now, I would have gone to him and given him safe refuge in my own home and shared with him my bed to end the loneliness that was to be for both of us. For him, there was also rejec tion,

by FAY O’DELL JR.

m I a writer? I wonder, as I sit here in front of my scratched and dented desk. A metal giant taking space in a small room. An old travel trailer, its round roof of Steel to shelter me from the rain. Con verted into what I call "my office," though I have not yet attained the status to which it refers.

How many gay brothers have I passed by, not knowing the strength we could have had together? Never could I be bold enough to make the first move, no matter how my loins ached or starved was my heart for the warm touch of another. To be a gay boy is still today as it was then, to be lonely, to be afraid. Progress has been made, but there are so many young boys that do not know of progress. There is no way for them to know and they continue to think that they are very small in number, and my heart cries with their pain of loneliness and fear.

I have always wanted to be a writer. A teller of tales and reporter to the masses of readers, things which could please, or at the very least, stimulate their minds. I grew up in my imagination. I was self-taught in the ways of survival. I would not allow myself to have close friends. To have friends as a young boy would be to invite someone to share your secrets. To me, the risk of ridicule from my peers was too much to allow me that pleasure.

Some of them walk the dark, rain-soaked streets in lonely cities that care not for their existence. Some sleep in warm dry beds in comfortable homes in those same cities. As different as they are in their surroundinqs, they are the same in their minds— alone, without love, afraid, confused. Some will die by their own hand, not knowing they have a multitude of brothers who would love them for who they are. They cannot know that I cry tears for them as I think of what they must endure in the years ahead if they survive.

With only a High School education, I am no match for the great writers who use words that I can only under stand with a dictionary in hand. Yet I admire them for that attainment of recognition that they have earned with their works. Am I a writer? The question lingers on and only time will supply the answer. My only other question is will time allow me to know, or will I have passed on before the answer come to light. Oh yes, I have con fidence in myself and I will write the words as they flow from mind to tips of fingers, then I will care for those words as I process them into the package that I shall send to the land of the publishers for their considerations. Then, I will wait, until they have made their decision and while I wait I will wonder if my creations will survive long enough to find their way into the warm hands of a friend.

Here I sit at my scratched and dented desk, my eyes are fixed on the words that form on the screen as my fingers feed the letters, one by one, into the mechanical brain at my command. Here, I am in charge. Good, bad or otherwise, what I do here is my creation and I alone am responsible for the words that are formed. The computer memory holds the words in limbo. The disk drive sits silently, waiting for the command to place the words on the thin plastic mira cle of modern science. The printer, silent also, waits to be given the command to print those words on paper. With all of this, the writer is given the feeling of power to command. A world created, in which he or she can create.

Many years ago, as a child, I lived every moment I could, inside my own imagination. I had many adven tures there. I met many friends that are with me still today. I would deal with the day to day realities of life, for I knew I must, but I would al ways end the day by retreating into my private sanc tuary, to find the comfort and the friendship that waited there to fill the void.I

It has taken me forty-four years to have these things to work with. It may well take me forty-four more years to earn enough, through what I write, to pay for them. In all things new, some risk must be accepted. My first attempt to put down on paper a story that I had created, was when I was nineteen years of age.. I was in the Navy then and there was plenty ot free time, but few private places in which one could write. So, it was never finished there. I

I was fortunate enough to find out about the flaws and prejudices of our society from observations of events involving others. In the fifth grade, a boy in my class was exposed like raw flesh to an angry mob of boys his own age. His only crime was puberty. Spending the night with another boy he thought to be his friend, his emotions came bubbling to the surface

had joined the Navy to escape from my parents' home. They never knew that I was gay, I truly believe. Though I never participated in sports, or gave a macho image, I did not talk funny, either. I had learned, from my fifth grade experience, to be come a good actor. I learned how to use words and how to manipulate people into believing what I wanted them to believe. I never made fun of boys that were suspected to be gay, but at the same time, I was careful not to defend them and I laughed along with the rest when jokes were told about them. After I was born, my Mother was told that she could have no more children. I was an only child for ten years, before a Doctor found that all she needed was a minor operation to correct that problem. The next thing I knew, there were diapers to change. The first was a boy and I was eager to change him and bathe him. Such a helpful child I was to be so eager to care for my little brother. When he was fifteen years old, we shared an intimate day together. Today, I hold the memory of that day as special. To day, he more than likely holds that memory in disgust. His religious convictions today would not allow him to remember the love that was shared that day. The second was a girl and though she was loved by me as a brother, and cared for and her diapers changed as well, it was not as much fun for there was nothing that she had that interested me. She had come into this world missing parts, as far as I was concerned, and I felt sorry for her. The third was again a boy and new fun was found in caring for him and bathing him. It was rub a dub, three boys in the tub and little sister trying to climb in, all the while. Soon, the boys were old enough to tell how we played and I had to become conservative and more careful. There were naked romps from time to time as boys will play, but for the most part they were harmless and only stimulated me enough to go and be alone in the bathroom for a time. My options were few, at the time I decided to join the Navy. I, like many young men in their latter teenage years, felt it was time to go out and be on my own. I felt strong enough to control myself and keep my true feelings well hidden while I served my country honorably. There were benefits in the naked beauty that surrounded me, even though I knew that it was forbidden fruit. I denied my sexual preference and married while I was in the Navy. I cannot say that this was a mistake, for we have together raised a family of four, and now I have three grandsons that I am very proud of. I now understand that it was what a lot of gay men did in the fifties and sixties, to hide from the society that would ridicule, mock and attempt to destroy them if they dared to admit that they preferred the company of men. I am sure it was the same for the gay women as well. My only problem remaining in the reality of my life, regarding my sexual preference, is how I will handle the remaining years of my life. Not only have I just begun to write seriously, but I have also begun the journey into the light. So many of us have existed for so long in the closet. For each one of us it has been truly filled with darkness.

The past few months have been both excitinq and traumatic for me and for my faithful wife. During this time I wrote a letter to my Father, my two brothers and my sister and told them that I am and always have been gay. My Mother passed away in 1984 and her death had a lot to do with my decisions con cerning my sexual preference. Two years before her death, I had attempted suicide. My wife saved my life, and I have been grateful since then that she did. Now, in the months ahead, I will have to make decisions that will affect both of us for years to come and I do not want to hurt her. Part of me wants to leave and find the love I feel that I need, and part of me remains loyal to the vows we took to stay together. There is no easy way, for it I stay faithful to her I must kill a part of myself that will not be possible to kill without endangering the rest of me. If I leave, I do not know what she will do. We both know that the time will come for decision and that it will not be easy for either one. The true reality is that we are, and always have been, best friends. Most of the frustrations that have led to difficulty in our marriage have in some way been linked to the struggle within me. For some unknown reason, likened to the change of life cycle for women, gay men such as I, who have lived secretly gay for so long, suddenly must find a way to express their true feelings, or find a way to end their torment. We only want to live in peace. I want so much to be at peace with the world, but I will be satisfied only 1f I can live in peace with myself. Living in a rural area, the only way I can obtain gay literature is through the mail. I have lived here in North Carolina for seventeen years and I have been longer than that trying to find gay literature to help me learn about myself and not feel alone in the wilderness of this society. I did not learn of the existence of RFD until just a few months ago. It is like trying to find missing pieces of the puzzle, to gain knowledge about our secret society. An ad placed in the magazine In Touch was how I found out about RFD. A magazine 7romTaTi fornia was the link to this fine gay literature in my own state. And the way I discovered I_n Touch was by accident as well. An In Touch magazine was substituted on an order I had placed from a source I had discovered in California. Now, I have access to good gay litera ture. Now, from RFD, I have learned of The Front Page and I have written to them for a sample issue. Am I a writer? Yes, I am. I am also gay and proud of it. The more I learn about other gays, the proud er I become. The more I hear how they have managed to deal with their situations, the stronger I become. The darkness in my closet is slowly being replaced by warm rays from the sun as I step out into the light. I know it will not be easy and there will be dangers along the way, but I am better prepared be cause of the literature that has come to me from [ n Touch and now RFD and each new piece of literature wi11 feed my hunger for knowledge about my brothers and sisters. Like sunbeams into the darkness, they

CURRENTS by R O B E R T e stopped when we came to the Current River, deciding whether to camp this side of it or the other. It was late after noon, we had hiked about ten miles through the rolling hills, and we stood now at the foot of a limestone embank ment. The late spring trees in the Missouri heat were already filled out, and the river was high from recent rains. A gravel bar lay exposed across the water, leading back to a low bank of sycamores, ash and willows, with brush hanging over a narrow channel that cut the gravel into an island about a half acre in size. The river was no more than thirty feet across but running swiftly. We had been here before and knew the depth of the water to be to our waists at normal level.

STUART "For crissake," I yelled, "don't pee in the water." He stood there with his arms hanging loose against his hips, looking across the river as though he didn't know what his body was doing. He walked back, partially silhouetted from the light at his back, his long muscular legs coming down hard on the stones. "Say something?" he asked when he was standing over me. I grabbed his penis, giving it a short jerk. "Be more careful what you do with that thing, that's all." He snorted, smiling broadly, and sat down. "Well, Beak," he said a full minute later, the musical hiss of the water having lulled our banter ^ into silence," is this going to be it for the night?

"Let's cross," Hawk said. "I don't feel like climb ing back up this cliff behind us." I nodded an assent. We stripped to our shorts, tying our pants and boots on our packs, and waded into the water.

"I'm not hiking any blond hair along my "I don't think it's though, in case the

"Je-sus," Hawk yelled, "this is cold."

more." I stretched, and the legs curled out dry and warm. safe to stay on the gravel, water comes up."

"No forecast for rain, but if you'd feel better away from it, let's look around."

I could feel my feet numbing already and leaned into the current walking slowly at an upstream angle to ward the opposite shore. At mid-stream the water came up to my lower chest, and I felt if it weren't for the weight of my pack I might be swept over. I was a good swimmer, but I was glad to feel the in cline of the bank and see the water slowly receding down my body.

We pulled on our levis, and I slid into my boo s and walked back into the woods, which were true w small growth. Not finding a clearing and not ee like hacking away the underbrush, I figured we cou try the sandbar and keep a weather ear out or a change in the sound of the river. We lay ou tent without setting it up, feeling it was warm enough to sleep in the open, unrolled our s bags over two thin foam ground mattresses, ar~ gathered driftwood.

Puffing, we sat down on our levis which we placed over the gravel, having taken our shorts off to dry. Our packs lay to one side. Hawk rubbed his legs. "Now that's more like it," he said a few minutes later, and he slipped on his boots to walk over the gravel, shuffling along naked over the small white stones. "Damn, that water's cold," he said again, "but I think the feeling's coming back."

Hawk had opened a chocolate bar so soft he the remains of it off the paper and placed the pape in his pack. He caught me watching him He lived close to the earth with a natura » feeling what he could see, in the way he na^ w*^h wood as a cabinet maker. He wouldn't desec scraps of garbage. I knew that, b^ . 1 about my him with my stare. He humored me and jo r communion with the spirits and my -n9'is *be mentality, as though the trees and the wa » rocks and an occasional copperhead wfr®n . mh there. I knew they were, I just looker tbe them. Except for a copperhead. I a wa^5 n " years feeling the snake looked through me, an ^ before when Hawk had shot one clean ou o.

I smiled at the awkwardness of his gait and the familiarity of his complaining voice that often broke into laughter. We liked to explore off the trails and only this afternoon had walked out onto a ledge over the river before we knew the precipice was there, the vegetation so thick around it, and Hawk had swore how our curiosity was truly going to take us over the edge sometime if we weren't more careful. Laughing then, he had seemed to invite it. Though 28, we reverted to adolescent antics when camping. 38

water and then raced in to retrieve it as a trophy, I had stared at the decapitated body as though it could still see me.

were in bed screwing my r a m , drunk as hell and with the nerve to invite me to join you." I heard Hawk laugh. He was listening all right, though he kept his back to me, just looking out across the water toward the limestone wall opposite us.

I began to lay a fire, ringing the pieces of wood with moderate sized rocks and using the bits of paper we had stuffed into our packs while hiking to ignite the flame. While the fire grew and subsided into coals, Hawk and I with raised cups toasted the sun that now hung just beneath the far tree line. The chablis was a luxury, especially on a long hike, but so too was the fresh food we packed in. We kept the freeze-dried only for emergencies. We had cut up some chicken that morning, throwing in onions, carrots and peppers, wrapping it all in foil and hop ing it wouldn't spoil by evening. We lay those two packs on the coals and sipped our wine. I filled a small coffee pot with river water and set it on the fire to boil. And drank the wine. Then began to make rice with some of the fresh water we had in our bottles and put that on the fire. And drank the wine.

"You should have, Beak. It wouldn't have done you any harm." Did Hawk just say that, or did I think he had? "So the next day when you baskets, I said sure, and me, and you sure were off around you. Every shot I several good hook shots.

said, how about a few I don't know what got into your qame, but I ran circles took I hit, including I remember. You remember."

I could see that afternoon cement court clearly, and feel it, the heat through my sneakers burning the soles of my feet, and perspiration running down my sides, and I saw now that my body was tensing up, and there was Hawk still facing the water, his back to me. I got up suddenly and rushed him, but he heard me against the gravel and stepped aside, trip ping me so that it was I who fell in.

"Is your face flushed from the sun or the drink?" Hawk cracked. "I can see it right through your beard." "I'm feeling no pain," I said slowly, lifting my cup into the air.

"Forget it, Beak," he said, when I came up dripping. I changed into dry clothes and sat again with a fresh cup of coffee. Hawk was by the fire, squatting by the embers. There were times when I wanted to lay next to him and hold him, and there were times I wanted to kick him in the balls, and right now was one of the kicking times.

When the rice was about done and the meat cooked, we opened the foil and poured the rice over the chicken and vegetables and resealed it except for a small vent, and waited a few minutes longer for the juices to mix. Then reopened them, letting the steam join the warm evening air, and savored the smell of the juices, and lingered with eating, washing the food down with the wine.

"A lot of good it did you," I said. with Patti."

Do you remember that time I beat you on the court?" I lay on my left side, propped up with my elbow. I had put on a light shirt to protect me against the hugs, and a cup of coffee was tucked against my stomach. I faced the receding light, and Hawk was opposite me, sitting up facing the river, holding his co fee between his hands. His back muscles showed through his T-shirt.

"That's right, you got her back."

"That afternoon He spoke softly.

T thought of our short romance after that, Patti and I. She tried to keep it going, getting me into bed, but it didn't work. We formally ended the relation ship at the senior prom. The last dance was all show. "You sure as hell carry things with you," Hawk said. "What difference does it make?”

You never beat me on the court," he said coolly. I smiled. The thought was humorous. He hac! been a drikM '°rwar“d in high school, and I could hardly . ,e the hall in a straight line. Except for mining sports had been a painful part of my youth, .1n u 6 ten years since graduation I hadn't even neld a basketball, much less played it.

None. I knew that, but all of a sudden there it was again, like yesterday. Something was moving. I looked over at Hawk who sat again on his sleeping bag. "Shit, Beak. Let's talk about now. I catch hell every time I come out with you, you know that? Marion doesn't like it. She's jealous like a cat not wanting another animal around."

affpr’ * °^ce»" I said, thinking of one hot Hawt'"00^ ?utside on the small cement ground around "ThafS A b oa rd . Hawk appeared not to be listening. 'hat was the time . . . "

"I know that," I said.

^eak, forget it."

"You say that like you're glad."

llo> I remember."

"I'm not for crissake."

wal ^ . “P a " d wa^ ed away, toward the edge of the ater’ his back toward me.

"I don't want happening to me what happened to you and Beth," he cried out.

gnats hn!!r -^°r9et‘ ' 1 Paused, watching a swarm of when I r^ " 9 °Ver the 9rave1* "No one answered like I alwa6d ^hrougb the door, and I just walked in ys did, and went upstairs, and there you

"Go fuck yourself."

I was sorry I said that.

Hawk looked over at me. I could see fire in his dark eyes through the twilight. He said nothing. The 39

r i v e r M c ' -d s o f t l y , its r o i l i n g s u r f a c e d a r k w i t h t h e s h a d o w s t h r o w n a c r o s s it.

growing

The water immediately threw me off my feet when I walked in. The flash of panic forced his name through my lips: "Hawk!" As though I had forgotten how to swim, I thrashed at the water, kicking at it, beating it down, the weight of my clothes hindering movement. The river threw me against a rock, taking my breath away, and I went under. Pitched forward and breaking the surface I gasped for air, pulling hard through the water. Had I heard Hawk calling?

We didn't talk after that, and the fire burned down. With the growing cool dampness around us we slipped into our sleeping bags. I lay still, listening to the water and smelling the dr'ed river backed onto the stones around me. I couldn't tell whether Hawk was asleep or awake, but I guessed awake. I was angry at myself for picking the fight. I wanted to go over to him, but I couldn't. Something between us. Usually we buried the darkness and hiked along our trails happily in the sunshine, full of our antics. Then unexpectedly the darkness erupted, always when I didn't want it to. Now the night looked at me.

"Beak, here, over here." Was he already across? Where? Had I imagined it? Damn him, he's already made it. My fury propelled me through the water, my chest heaving, drawing in great gasps of air choked with water. A branch of a tree whacked me across the face. I thought I must be at the opposite bank, but I couldn't get a foothold. Another branch, and I tried to grab hold, but it ripped through my hand. I fought, I punched, I pum mel ed the water. I cried. I'm losing it, I thought.

I awoke to the sound of a distant roar. I bolted up, listening against the darkness, silent and dense. Impenetrable. Hearing the sound grow perceptibly louder I became taut with the realization it was the river. "Hawk," I yelled. I scrambled over to his sleeping bag and shook him. He was dead asleep and fought me off blindly. "The river, Hawk. The goddamned river is flooding. The sonofabitch will be over us in a minute. Get up." I kicked him in the groin. Too ha rd.

I remembered later that my body suddenly slammed against something sharp, pain tearing through my head. I dreamed I was on the court again with Hawk. It was a full court, and we each had a team back of us. He kept pressing me, and pressing me, but I broke loose with a jump shot and scored. And scored again. And now he was angry, shouting You little fucker, and he flew down the court with a long shot clean through the bucket. Then the mood of the game changed, sud denly becoming playful, and we set each other up, no longer in opposing teams. We were laughing and dribbling around each other and making all our shots, patting each other on the ass after each bucket, un til, careless, I tripped and fell to the floor, blacking out. I heard him calling me: "Beak, Beak," he yelled.

"What the hell!" he shouted. "The river," I said again, spitting the words. ten to it."

"Lis

He jumped up, pitching his body to the rumbling sound. "Beak, the high ground. Now." The beams of our flashlights helped us see to gather our gear, which we stuffed hurriedly into our packs. Hawk rolled up the tent, squashing it as flat as possible, tying it to this pack as I tied down my own, having placed dry clothes against the inside next to my back, hoping they would remain dry in the crossing. We both tied our boots to the outside last. Then looked at the river. Our narrow beams of light revealed a pitching, menacing mass of grey water. In its rise in advance of the wall of water we knew was coming, the river already had eaten away part of the gravel island. "We can't make it with our packs," Hawk said. spoke calmly.

I awoke lying on the ground, wet and smelling the dampness of the river from my clothes. Hawk was bend ing over me. "Beak?" he asked, his voice rising. "By god, Beak, I thought I had lost you." My head throbbed. I forced myself to hear his words, and the words slowly sunk in. "You were lucky as hell. You got thrown up against a boulder and were lodged between it and the bank. Damn lucky your head was above water. Beak, I though I had lost you, you sonofabitch."

My head began to clear, and in what seemed an eter nity I raised my arm up around his neck, and drawing myself up to him I kissed him full on the lips, and dropped back down to the ground.

"Should we push in from where we are on the low side?" "It's going to be flooded. All of it. We've got to get over there on the high side. Wear what we can and leave the rest."

His quizzical look made me want to smile, but I was too exhausted. He turned in his more pragmatic way to matters at hand. "The matches are okay, I'm going to get a fire going so we can warm up and dry out."

I tore out my dry levis, pulled them on and tucked in a flannel shirt, fumbling as I laced up my boots. I stuffed a small pocket flashlight into a pocket of the jeans along with some packets of freeze-dried food and a small plastic container of matches. "Throw me your bottle of water," Hawk yelled. empty it into mine."

"The water?" I asked. """he river broke through after I go you up here. Goddamn we're lucky to be alive, you know that?" I nodded my head, and he walked off with his flash light to gather wood.

"I'll

The sound of the water rose in pitch, and still from a distance we heard a crashing, amplified by the darkness. 40

TEACHERS by T O D D W. FLIEDNER the leader sought to shelter his friend from the for midable enemy which now stalked them both. Inwardly he laughed grimly. Had he really thought that he alone could shield him from the pain apparent in his lover's soul? If he hadn't understood the motive for his actions he would have indeed felt like a fool. Now he could do scarcely more than comfort. Once the heart is ripe for exploitation, bitterness mingles with the sweet.

hey had come to this place because it was quiet and deserted, especially now in the hours which hung between day and night. The first recalled a thicket, which had been a childhood hiding place, and so he was the leader pushing onward. The sec ond said nothing, he obediently followed, happily lost in the sensations of their adventure. The sun had dropped low in the sky, its brilliant or ange tinged with fire. Silently they both stopped and gazed at the sight. A coolness had replaced the tired hot air and they breathed deeply and lingered. Soon their figures seemed like shadows in the dusk and their hands met and then their bodies.

Their bodies again found a union but it was oddly and disturbingly vague. Indeed they were very much strangers this time and each groped wildly for rem nants of the past. With anger undefined they finally exploded and then miraculously together they cried.

Pent up passions blazed in the darkness so much that if either had consciously been aware of it surely they would have sought to hide even deeper in the woods. But as desire so often replaces logic so the real world faded; love became reality for a time.

The first, knew that the other indeed understood now. And he wept for his understanding as well as his own. Such helpless moments are etched in the mind and sadder still in one's center.

Later as they laid still and watched the stars and pondered the heavens, the second found the courage to speak. It startled the first who knew the risk but full and content he patiently listened.

Much later the second found his voice and it sounded different to him as he spoke as if revelations alter one physically as well as soulfully. His statement was posed as a question but he knew the answer. He was not quite ready to accept it though.

Strongly and unregretably he said,

"The world changes love, then?"

"I am going to change this. cannot possibly be wrong."

Shaking his head solemnly the leader added,

What we do is good, it

"Anything that does not fit, assuredly the world will want to alter."

There was silence for a great while as the first thought earnestly about the words his companion had spoken.

"But we do fit. Smoothly and with strength. fuse to be ashamed."

I re

"You shall be a teacher then?" he offered slowly. The words shot into the night. Still possessed of childlike hope, yet undeniably those of a man.

The second seemed to take delight in this as if a new direction had suddenly presented itself. "Yes, I do like the sound of that.

They both smiled and the moon complied allowing each to see and rediscover the other. And lost in the thoughts of the second the first said,

I will teach."

Again this comment was reflected intensely by the first for he knew the importance of responding with cautious care.

"Yes you shall be a teacher," knowing inside that he himself had been gently guided by this companion he treasured more openly than ever.

"You're not the first to have noble ambitions. You roay succeed with a precious few. Sadly the world knows what it wants to. And not many care to learn."

Drifting into a peaceful sleep, an unadulterated calm languished their bodies and they did not stir until the sun traded places with the moon. And as the light filtered through the clouds and found their faces they both woke not with a start but rather beautifully, and with a purpose.

"But that is wrong!" countered the second. "To us maybe, but not to them." "Why is that?" the innocent voice persisted. it that which the world knows is so wrong?"

"Why is

As if defying the world which knew they lay together deliberately and rising the second took the hand of pausing only briefly together they

Strong protective arms replaced words this time as 41

so little reason happily. And the first and walked forth.

•

^ j 4 ‘a

_______ I va-=. -

;' - . . .

DAVID GERRY You walk up from the depths of my memories, The deeply familiar one I can't place. Imploring everything I am out of me With your eyes. Spin the wheel butterflies.

this strange summer caterpillars devour leaves from whole trees hardwoods rebud 1ike spring while softwoods succumb no 1onger--evergreen I take flight to a summer past a male gypsy moth mating a flightless fema1e .

"The sanctity of your deepest dream Is your reward." That dream comes like a river To ford When time has sprunq Another rung: The wheel butterflies. You walk into my life from the forests With one arm already beckoning Me to enjoy you, to enjoin you For al1 you are.

1965: the eastcoast in darkness a teetotaler he drinks wine just a 1ittle for courage he cries I have used him--the clothes the red car, the surprise party for my sixteenth birthday another secret between us always my threat to tell silent that evening I apologize the next morning before school I go without washing he always makes me wash to make sure I am clean told me so.

How have I met you that you haunt me. Always mentoring me on the shoulder. Io free the wheel butterflies With your eyes.

■■ ■ .-

Maurizio is hopeful some rich gentleman will take him up he's careful what he eats and drinks will never smoke he keeps his skin supple and clean with scented soap he'll not make out with any sweat stained working bloke

for silk. •*■ i *- l

-'-T -Ts ; " T p £ .- ^ 'N j

A fallen city lost to plague or fire from heaven, to the wrath of God, pure, uncompromising, the long desert, the salt sea, the fallen stones of my life, the broken white stones, sun-bleached hallways.

IVOR C. TREBY

as this summer ends cocoons spot tree branches a reminder the gypsy moth was brought to New England

At the center of your body RAEBURN like a city in ruins, a fortress fallen to an enemy, lies whatever I imagine for you under the coarse careful fabric, my stranger, my passerby.

W t IT WI •> .

MILLER

but the quiet young man with gold flecks in his hair who labours long each day and rare ly thinks of sex is in an un guarded moment utterly lost he at the brief accidental brush of a knee is now shipwrecked

wedged between hot sheets he recalls Maurizio's face smells afresh the forbidden tropical skin turns throws off the heavy covers feels that unwill ing flesh respond to fingertips drops warm and sweet fa 11 on his 1 ips in a basement furnished room the far side of town Maurizio applies cold cream to his sallow cheeks pats on his thin mouth a less natural salve lays his empty elegant head on a clean and uncrushed pillow

* i i 'i

You came back. I'd given up trying to find you. I kept on waiting--reaching for something no longer there. My lungs felt tight, my heart was fire--you cooled me like a breeze, returning.

DANIEL GARRETT Feeling I am paper your words are written on, as if my eyes gaze into my eyes, this the closeness leaves me stunned you can walk without my legs, I can sing

CHRISTOPHER WILEY as you move in sleep against my chest i know your body seeks warmth as a cat stretching in a window.

The way I write it he runs away, so easily giving up the bit in his mouth, the staggered spirit healing, a face surprised by its own joy.

BRU DYE

But the morning we wove gold into our 1ives , sounds gathered round a black walnut soaking in the grass. We rode the enclosed spine unpromised to root or bough. The sun streamed down on our secret deaths, and the wind blew through our emptiness.

seeds of noon unleashed in the yellow-white street pull me back flickering and thirsty to the moist side warm breath over lunch counters sets off alarms

{ Drawings by Alladres |

ASSOTTO SAINT last july 4th 'round noontime like every july 4th 'round noontime for the past 3 years n1'1e ground fresh ginger roots ft lime rind added 1 teaspoon of brown sugar to a cup of cockspur rum he gulped down in 3 swallows/ then gathering all the front-pages of the new york post he' d kept under his bed for th past year all the front-pages with these sorry stories all the front-pages with those mad headlines that struck ft hurt his eyes he climbed the 6 stories of his abandoned tenement on 8th street between b & c right in the middle of the cement rooftop made a mattress out of the papers on which he graciously laid/ he undressed himself (only wore a teeny tiny flesh-toned brief to begin with) ft slowly rubbed greek-imported olive oil all over his body to catch more heat/ staring straight at the sun nile waited to hear the voice/ staring straight at the sun nile waited to feel the beat/ staring straight at the sun nile waited 'till his teeth clacked/ his jaws opened wide with a shriek so loud so hot it set the mattress of papers on fire which bounced his body up in the air/ he landed on his feet •’an 'round 'round the flames talking in tongues humming strange tunes making all kinds of jerky movements like he was fighting the smoke chasing it away/ right on the roof' s edge he perched himself in arabesque like an eagle ready to take flight/ high above his head he lifted his arms/ the sun shattered its bits ft pieces in his fluttering fingers/ for an instant the earth stood still while nile smiled/ j in his smile the mystery that empowersthe past passed on from generationsall the joy of life were reflected/ oh so slowly his entire body bent as far forward as possible/ his long supple arms opened low as in prayer as if to pay hommage to the world below as if to surrender to some higher power as if to offer someone something himself a black queen dancing with shadows at high noon triple trouble that' s brutal chasing all the world' s evil spirits away away

JOHN ARTHUR MADDOX He can't sleep. Thrashes around in bed. FI ip flops from side to side to SideLeft , Right, Stomach, Back, One way, Then another— Gets up. Walks around the room. Smokes a cigarette. Takes a piss. Jerks-off. Reads a poem. Eats a cracker. Gets a drink, And thinks about yesterday, Tomorrow, And the boy next door. Returns to bed, Comfortable with his dream, And sieeps, Tempo rari ly happy.

_ IN 1 ° -----

SHERYL L. NELMS that teenage boy who loiters in the dark aisle of every pet shop in town gawky-and awkward on land becomes swift and smooth as he breaks the mirrored surface of water going down through silver bubbles past the neons and gouramis he glides sleek in the spirit of fish

1. -{â&#x20AC;˘ - T. .C

If death were a black and white cinema And time a sweet red clover enema I'd purchase two tickets From deaf-since-birth crickets Then dance in reverse through their orchestra.

^v/ WINTHROP SMITH You wait again Patiently, Rel eased Yet needing space, Like words themselves Lying out In state Before they're placed; Like words themselves, Your name Chiseled on The painted face We eulogised Left out Basic things: The man embraced.

At the death of his father in 1766, the young Marquis de Brunoy ordered vats of black ink to be poured daily into tie river Yeres on his estate; he dressed all his buildings, statues, trees and livestock in black paint and crepe. Though death be simple, a motion toward transparency, I am not. I want everything metonymical, fat with significance. Riding across my land, I know the extravagance stuns, the pathetic fallacy . . . and yet I believe it was apt, a ceremony of trees. Venus is dark, an African Queen, and Neptune rises from a seam of coal; who knows I may be right, t^e stone is light only by convention This monochrome has its own beauty, the hint of lava, of being caught in the middle of outrage; you turn a corner and the world has petrified. pigs and chickens, stupid, still move and grunt and cluck, but when, ever, Jo they know they are dead? Black tells you something you cannot tell yourself. 45

THE UNCOUPLED MALE Christopher

IT!. U U r i g h t

[Conyriqht 1986 by Christopher: M

Wright]

Many view having a lover as being the ideal or the only survivable state. We are made to feel that there is something wrong with us if we don't have a lover. The result is a lot of frustrated people who are conÂ stantly on the prowl or who jump into ill-conceived attachments that are wrong for them.

need a lover. GWM, 24, 5'6", 145 lbs., br/br, ISO Asian, Hispanic or BMs for possible relationship. Photo requested Serious-minded only. Jeff, BLADE BOX K139."

Not everyone is going to flourish in a male couple. It's OK to be in a couple and it's OK not to be in a couple. The point is to free yourself of the expectaÂ tions of others and to arrive at your own conclusions.

There seems to be an endless supply of gay men who are looking for a lover. But I wonder if people like Jeff have any idea of what they're getting into. They should be more careful of what they wish for. They just might get it.

An excellent starting point on the subject is the book The Male Couple by D. McWhirter, M.D., and A. Mattison, M.S.W., Ph.D. (Prentice-Hall, 1984). The book sets forth the results of the authors' groundbreaking study of 156 male couples. The book is a road map, telling you exactly what you can expect from a gay male relationship in the first months as well as in the third decade and beyond. It will change your very conception of what having a lover is all about.

The male couple is not all that it's cracked up to be. There are some serious problems with it. And it's not for everybody. It's right for some people but it might not be right for you. The purpose of this article is to get you to think about something which may not even have occurred to you is an issue--whether or not having a lover is right for you. The article also identifies the key variables to keep in mind when deciding this important question for yourself.

The book is clearly biased in favor of male coupledom. The authors, themselves a couple, disclaim any such bias but they express their true sentiments on more than one occasion. While discussing one couple which had not been together very long, the authors call the relationship "a precious embryo" (p. 8). Older couples supposedly reap "twice the reward" from 1ife

There is a predisposition in f a v o r of coupledom in society as a whole and in gay life. "It comes down to you and one other person." The things we read and people we know constantly reinforce this message. 46

When romance and high passion go, but the couple re mains together, the results can be mind-numbing. Such lovers display affection less frequently than be fore and come to feel neglected or taken for granted. Just like part of the furniture,, They have to come home night after night to somebody they have seen too much of. They become additionally fatigued if they consciously or unconsciously maintain a pretense of feeling something they don't really feel anymore. They may enter into a "conspiracy of silence" (p. 56) with each other to avoid acknowledging it. Some re lationships exhaust all of their possibilities and leave two people who have little or nothing to say to each other. The lament is heard, "I want to feel special again" (p. 109).

that single people do (p. Q6). This article, on the other hand, is written from the perspective of some one who had a lover once upon a time and has decided against having another. Before turning to a discussion of the problems with the male couple, some technical points need to be addressed. First, the definition of a male couple is somewhat elusive. In the book, the authors define the male couple as two gay men who have lived together for at least a year and who identify themselves as a couple. The definition for purposes of this article is broader--two gay men who are expressly committed to each other and who identify themselves as lovers. Second, this article takes the authors' basic research and draws different conclusions from it. Thus, there is the question of whether or not the research in the book is valid. More specifically, did the authors draw from a representative sample or are the results skewed by the fact that all the couples studied were from San Diego? The findings in the book ring true to me given my personal experience and the experiences of people I know, at least insofar as the variables iden tified herein are concerned. Therefore, I will assume that the research is valid and live with the uncer tainty that maybe it is not. I have reached the same conclusion about the fact that the book was written before AIDS hit hard. AIDS may have slowed people down and spawned safe sex practices but it has not eliminated sex with multiple partners altogether.

Monotony pervades the bedroom as well. There comes a day when the earth no longer moves and sex becomes routine and boring. As a result, couples have sex together far less frequently in the second five years of the relationship (p. 94). Separate bedrooms are not uncotmon after this point (p. 108). The book indicates that boredom has a consequence. Typically, the individuals involved begin to reassert their separate identities in various ways after the third year. They find ways to release their grip on each other, of putting each other on a longer leash. They stop trying to be the earth, the moon and the stars to one another. Why? As my sister put it, you can only stare into each other's eyes for so long. It 1s an undeniable reality that a high degree of to getherness is boring and 1s ultimately unsustainable. Some couple can only deal with it with periods of actual separation (see p. 223).

The two biggest problems that plague the male couple are boredom and the disruption that can accompany sexual adventuring. These problems are structural; that is, they stem from the very nature of the male couple.

BOREDOM The book describes a reawakening of tender feelings after twenty years. Some couples who stay together that long find romance again and report strong feel ings of personal well-being. But twenty years is a long time to wait. Just how many couples make it down to the end more than just roommates? How many are able to turn to each other and say "I love you" after a dozen years? In other words, what are the odds of your finding a lover who will be more than just a roommate in the long run? The book does not say. Does this make you eager to take on the odds?

If you become part of a male couple, you are signing up to be bored. There comes a day when a male couple turns a corner and becomes just two people moving through life together. You wake up one morning and the feeling is gone. The fireworks are over. This phenomenon has been documented: the authors found that male couples go through long periods of stagna tion, fatigue, boredom, monotony, and conflict (p. 223). No couple surveyed reported that their rela tionship was always satisfying (p. 224). "At times, it is a trap and a drain of individual resources" (p. 13). "Well, life has gotten really boring these past few years. Things between Jeff and me are calm . . . but we're in a rut" (p. 106). "There comes a time when the scare is gone but so is the thrill" (p. 103).

Boredom is a foreseeable reality. You ignore foresee able realities at y o u r peril. If it is unrealistic to expect the era of good feeling to last forever, then 47

the question becomes just how important to you is it not to be bored? And not to be fatigued from con stantly having to interact with another in close and intimate quarters? Stated differently, can you find a reason to be in a male couple other than undying devotion and exciting sex? If the book is correct, you will need another reason to sustain your relation ship over the long haul.

to dissolve your individuality into some larger whole. The pitfall to avoid is entering a relationship pri marily for selfish reasons--to meet your own needs or to allay your own fears. Third, even if you trust your own motives, there is no guarantee that your love for each other can sustain a committed live-in relationship. In some instances, some larger purpose or function--a dynamic--is needed to make the male couple work. This idea is discussed in detail below in the section entitled "What Are My Chances for a Successful Relationship?"

MOTIVATION One of the key things to think about when deciding whether or not you want a lover is your motivation. Why do you want a lover in the first place? There are many different reasons for wanting a lover and not all of them are good.

Security -- The book indicates that many couple stay together after Romantic Love has burned out for the reason that they come to value the "safe blandness of mutual security" (p. 93). I can see how two people would be very attached to each other after a couple of years together. I also do not doubt that there are couples who are together primarily because they have the kind of selfless love for each other de scribed above. But I do not have very much sympathy for security as a motivation per se. I take a stand against security-based relationships.

Romance -- The most obvious reason for wanting a lover fs that you are in love. Love is a fine motivation for wanting to be with somebody. Natural attraction, warm feelings, affection. The trouble is, love is a feeling. Feelings come and go. They change. They are by their very nature transitory. When you get right down to it, you cannot honestly promise to feel love for someone forever and no one can really promise that to you. Now, how can you make a commitment that is supposed to last a lifetime when the motivation, Romantic Love, can be expected to last, maybe, three years? Making a permanent commitment based on a temporary feeling doesn't make any sense on the face of things. You might as well be building on quick sand. No couple studied said that their feelings of romantic love lasted forever with the same intensity (p. 28).

Security. Something to hang on to. Someone who will always "be there" for you. A structured and safe en vironment. Someone to depend on. The financial security that two incomes can bring. Someone to take care of you in your old age. Someone to lean on. I stay with you because I can't make it without you. I need you in order to function properly. I am attached to you because I am afraid to face life on my own. I need a crutch. This isn't a loving relationship. It's a mutual pro tection society. It's two people who are weak and therefore dependent on something outside of themselves to prop them up. It's two people who are still chil dren, who have never learned to be independent, stand on their own two feet and accept responsibility for their own well-being.

Love -- There is romance and then there is a "differ ent kind of love" (p. 53). This love is characterized primarily by a care and concern for the other and for the other's happiness and well-being. It is closely related to the kind of love a brother feels for a sister or that two good friends have for each other. Your lover becomes your "best and oldest friend" (p. 224).

One would hope that such a pure case of clutching is relatively rare. Mixed motives are probably more common--where the lovers are motivated in part by their selfless love for each other and in part by their own selfish needs for security. After all, coupledom would be a funny exercise if it did not meet at least some of a person's needs or 1f 1t tended overall to make a person more rather than less afraid. The trick is to identify your needs and not let them run your life. Just because you have a need does not mean that you have to act on it.

This kind of love is probably the best available motivation for entering into or remaining in a male couple. You care deeply about someone and you want to share your life with them. You desire them as a con stant companion because of who they are and not be cause your own needs have taken ahold of the wheel. A commitment to the growth of the lovers is consistent with this kind of selfless love. Life may be better for you with such a companion but there are some pitfalls to avoid.

Perhaps the genesis of an exaggerated need for secur ity is the fear of being alone. Some people want a lover because they are afraid to feel lonely. We are taught by society to be afraid of being alone. We are taught that there is something wrong with us if we are alone. Loners are supposedly maladjusted people.

First, you must clearly see such a commitment for what it is, have a realistic view of its possibilities, and have consciously decided that it's right for you. Tt isn't going to be fireworks for very long. Soon, the honeymoon will be over and there will remain the work of keeping the relationship in good working order.

It's time to examine these beliefs with a gimlet eye. In the first place, many self-help books advise you not to expect a lover to cure your feelings of loneli ness. I know this is true from first-hand experience --you can have a lover and still feel lonely. Second ly, acting on a need to merge your identity into a larger whole is an exercise in futility. Look around you: no one is with you from cradle to grave. You

Second, you must examine your own motives and clearly differentiate between a supposed deep concern for the other and your own needs. It is too easy to deceive yourself into thinking it is love when it is really your own needs talking--perhaps your need not to feel lonely, your need to feel secure, or perhaps a need 48

are not physically connected to anyone or anything. The essential reality of human existence is that you are alone. Any form of human association, including coupledom, can be misused to delude yourself into thinking that you are not alone. The undeniable reality is that you are no./ and always will be alone. You want a lover to take care of you in your old age? You have a 50-50 chance of surviving your lover. What will you do then?

"2 Need It" -- There are some people who need an emotional rescue. They're love-starved and want some one to fill up their cup. They need affection and emotional support. We all have our moments when we feel like this. But why go to the grocery store when you are hungry? People who are hungry make mistakes at the grocery store and elsewhere in life. Needs are insatiable. Nothing is ever "enough." What will you do if you find that your lover fails to extinguish your needs?

Loneliness strikes fear into the hearts of many and drives them, for the wrong reasons, into committed relationships where they might not belong.

Experimentation -- There are people who think they want a lover because they have never had one. They have experienced life on their own and now they want to experience something different. The authors of The Maie Couple point out that gay men do not go through adolescence until their twenties or thirties. Adolescence is normally where a lot of experimentation takes place, usually in the form of casual dating. Casual dating is what beginners should be doing. Why attempt to start off with the most ambitious under taking there is--a committed, long-term, live-in re lationship? Doesn't it make sense to test the water first? Beginners who plunge right into relationships that are over their heads have no right to expect things to work out to their liking.

The point is to turn and face your fears. Your ir rational, culturally induced fears that you are help less and can't make it by yourself and that you must be sick if you don't have a lover. Until you have worked through your fears and can stand on your own two feet, you are prone to act out of weakness and dependency. Becoming a free-standing individual has at least three components. 1) Independence of thought and judgement. You stop seeking direction from outside sources and become your own moral authority. 2) To tal self-acceptance. Whatever you are and do is OK with you without regard to the expectations of others and without any need to win the approval of others. You don't have to love yourself. You just have to stop hating yourself. 3) The ability to sustain yourself emotionally. It's nice to have it from other sources but the point is you can do without it if you have to. You can survive.

Compulsion -- Sometimes, having a lover is not moti vated by anything resembling positive regard for the other. Sometimes, it is just the wish to dominate another or to submit to another. Sometimes, a re lationship is sustained by the guilt of one party who does not want to hurt the other by breaking up. Some times, one party stays only out of a sense of duty to the other person. As I heard one person put it, "I can't leave him because he's done so much for me."

There are those who will reach this state and still choose to have a lover. Theirs will be a relatively free choice and one less likely to be compelled by a desire to surrender their identity to some larger whole.

Fear of AIDS -- It has been suggested that some people get or keep lovers because they live in fear of AIDS. A committed relationship is too elaborate a construc tion to be sustained on the strength of a person's fears, of AIDS or otherwise. There are more direct and less artful ways to deal with your fear of AIDS-celibacy, safe sex, restricting the number of part ners, etc. If it's sex you're after, then it's pos sible to contract for sexual exclusivity with a likeminded sex partner. Your fears and your sexual de sires do not warrant asking someone to move in with you or committing yourself to their emotional care and feeding for the rest of your life.

The last point about security is that a degree of comfort can be attained by having a lover but only at a price. In bargaining for security, you trade away your freedom to some significant degree. Where you live, who you will sleep with at night and what you will have for dinner are all constrained by the fact that you have to compromise with your lover. This is neither a good nor a bad thing in itself, but some will find the price too high to pay just to have somebody who will always "be there."

Conclusion -- This concludes a survey of some of the more common reasons for having a lover. Personally, I can see only one acceptable motive for having a lover --you have the kind of selfless love for another de scribed above and he has it for you.

"i Should Be j_n a Couple/' -- There are people who have a lover because they feel they "should." Some little voice inside their head is telling them they ought to be in a committed relationship. That they cairt have sex unless they're "married." That society expects it. That the gay party line demands it. That they should be a loving and nurturing person. That something is wrong with them if they are not. The problem with all of these motivations is that they come from outside and may run roughshod over the will of the individual.

jf you are motivated by something other than selfless 1ove, then a long-term, live-in committed relation ship is probably not the best way to get what you want. You want companionship? Find a friend. You want somebody to take care of you in your old age? Get a houseboy. You want romance? Ask your romantic interest over for a candlelight dinner but postpone any major commitments until you can see what will be left after the romance is gone. You want sex? Find a fuckbuddy. You want two incomes? Work two jobs.

Some people are not naturally inclined or temperamen tally suited to coupledom. Some people don't really want a lover but pay heed to the little voice because they have repressed their own will. If this describes you, why fight your natural inclinations and desires? You will be a lot happier if you find your strong suit and play it than if you live your life waiting for someone to give you permission to do what you want.

Even if you are motivated primarily by selfless love, there remains the question of whether or not your love is enough to sustain the male couple and to make it wor k. 49

problems that a couple can have (see p. 256). "Jeal ousy is an enemy of the relationship at every stage. It never seems to disappear completely . . . ." (the authors, p. 96). The authors found a resurgence and intensification of jealous feelings in years 5-10 (p. 96). Pettiness, backbiting, competition. These angry and unsaintly reactions can compound the disruption. If sexual adventuring is coupled with nondisclosure, furtiveness, deception and dishonesty, then the basic trustworthiness of a lover can become the issue and even the paramount concern for some. Monogamy, faithfulness, and fidelity are value-laden terms. They betoken a conviction that sexual ex clusivity is morally right or the ideal state. But sexual adventuring has only the significance that a male couple chooses to give to it. Three out of four couples start with an express or implicit understand ing that they will be exclusive (p. 254). The couples may have been led by society to expect fidelity from a committed relationship. Their conception of a committed relationship may be derived from "the sanc tity of Christian marriage." Those whom society has led to expect fidelity can be devastated when their lover wants to get in somebody else's pants. The pain and devastation they feel is not attributable to out side sex per se but to an unrealistic expectation that their lover will be faithful. That it will last for ever and he will be the only one.

If you want to be part of a male couple, the odds are overwhelming that you are signing up to be in an open relationship. That is to say, you or your lover or both will at some point engage in sexual activity with someone else while you are still committed to each other. In other words, sexual exclusivity is not on the map. More precisely, exclusivity is so rare that you cannot reasonably expect to be able to locate it. In The Male Coup!e it was found that only seven out of 156 coupTes surveyed were sexually exclusive. Signif icantly, none of the exclusive couples had been to gether for more than five years (p. 253). Thus, the odds are at best twenty-five to one against your find ing a lover who will remain faithful for more than five years. These figures comport with my exposure to gay life. Only one couple I know of, together for eight years, still claims to be faithful.

For some, their emotional responses will always be dictated by the set of expectations derived from Christian marriage. For others, there is a process of adjusting to the reality of sexual adventuring. It can begin with a recognition of their own mixed feel ings. Many gay men are ambivalent; they want their cake and eat it, too. They want a faithful lover and they want to play around. They want the security of a committed relationship and they want their sexual freedom at the same time. "It was OK for me to be with other guys, but I couldn't stand the thought of his doing it" (p. 57). Many are initially inclined to be exclusive only to find out that it's boring and not enough.

The book also found that many couples have little or no sexual activity together after the ten-year mark. If you want a lover, then you can expect to have sex together often In the beginning but less often as time goes by. Sex together will be replaced to some extent with outside sexual pursuits.

For many couples that stay together, the evolution continues to the point where they distinguish between sexual exclusivity and relationship fidelity. They begin to see that their partner always comes home after playtime is over. When they know they can de pend on their partner always to "be there," outside sex becomes irrelevant and. ideally, no longer a dis ruption .

Outside sex can and does take many forms, even in the AIDS era. You and your partner can expect to have one night stands, sexual friends of longer standing and even new romances. Yes, the book even describes couples who stay together but who are in love with somebody else.

Total acceptance of outside sex becomes an important factor in keeping couples together after ten years (p. 256).

Socializing with gay people, therefore, presents a problem. Every single social situation is fraught with the possibility that you or your lover will be seized with an erotic attraction for another.

If you want a lover, you had better be prepared to deal with the disruption that can accompany the In evitable sexual adventuring of one or both partners. You will either make the adjustment or your relation ship will suffer. You will conquer jealousy or you are likely to lose your lover.

Since outside sex is a reality, couples typically adopt rules to manage the disruption it can cause. These are listed in the book (p. 258) and include such guidelines as having three-ways and letting the mice play while the cat's away. Some couples decide they will talk about it and others believe that some things are better left unsaid.

Thus, there are two very good reasons for not wanting a lover. First, you may find that you will be bored out of your mind. Second, you may not feel able to make the adjustment to total acceptance of sexual ad venturing in a committed context.

Despite the best laid plans of mice and men, sexual adventuring can and does cause big problems and break ups. In fact, it is the single biggest source of

W H A T ARE M Y CHANCES FOR A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP?

Third, are you and the other person compatible? Com patibility is the factor mofet strongly correlated with relationship satisfaction among gay couples in the first decade, according to the book. Compatibil ity includes mundane things such as the way you keep house. It also includes your politics, the authors having found that lovers generally have similar political views. Compatibility does not mean suppress ing your will and saying everything is fine when it isn't. Your partner will not be able to read your mind. Sacrificing important parts of yourself so as not to rock the boat is not the same as being truly compatible.

What factors must coalesce before a successful male coupling can occur? Society supports heterosexual marriages but not male couples.. Thus, the question is germane because something of an uphill battle is in store for two lovers who seek to form a male couple. In The Maie Couple it was discovered that men who have brothers and sisters have more successful relation ships (p. 183). Basic interpersonal skills and the inclination to accomodate others comes as a result of having siblings. The authors found that nearly three out of four of the men studied had prior relationships (p. 194). Thus, you cannot reasonably expect to make it to the finish line in your first relationship, in your first time out of the blocks.

Will there be a high degree of communication? I have often heard the complaint from people that their lovers don't seem to say very much to them, especially about important things concerning the relationship. I suppose there are those who would be content to have an uncommunicative lover who was just part of the furniture. But my experience leads me to suspect that relationship satisfaction has in part something to do with the channels of communication being open and a great deal of interchange taking place. Without com munication, misunderstandings can easily arise and are not easily dispelled. Without communication, a feel ing of isolation can set in. What would be the point of living with someone who's in love with somebody else and who barely says two words to you when he is around? Not a choice I would make for myself, thank you.

Your chances for success will depend in part on cer tain attitudes that you have,, First, you must view coupledom as being a good answer for you. Second, you must be willing to do the work that is required in order to make the relationship successful: the work of getting to know another person, understanding his position and attitudes, and compromising your own wishes in order to accomodate his. Third, a key finding from the book indicates that you must drop all desire to possess him--sexually or otherwise--if you want the relationship to last, especially in the second decade.

Success in a relationship also has something to do with whether there is some dynamic going on, some engine propelling the relationship forward. This is the flip side of boredom: To the extent there is no dynamic, no raison d'etre for the existence of the relationship, the sooner the relationship will exhaust its possibilities and boredom set in. Heterosexual couples traditionally have a reason for being, a purpose larger than the satisfaction of the two people who make up the couple. The business of raising children is the dynamic that keeps the rela tionship alive and vital (at least until the children are grown). Some homosexual pairings--men as well as women--are also engaged in raising children. Others have a project of some sort that substitutes for the raising of children. Some couples work together, own a business together, run a ranch together, etc. These are the functional equivalents of raising chil dren in the sense that they supply a dynamic that keeps the relationship interesting. They imbue the lovers with a sense of mission and of a purpose larger than themselves, and these feelings can contribute to the durability of a relationship. Sharing a project can increase communication and compatibility, build common interests, and widen a couple's circle of common friends.

How successful you will be will also depend on how well you have chosen your partner. There are certain key variables here to keep in mind. First, don't overlook the basics: Do you even like the person? Are you naturally attracted to him? Do you trust him? Are you satisfied with the way he is or do you want to change him? If you want to change him, you are effectively asking to become lovers with somebody else, a different person.

It is important to point out, however, that the book found a mixed picture when it came to lovers who share a project with each other. Some couples fared well but others suffered from too much togetherness.

Second, is there a good match of fundamental expecta tions? That is to say, do you both want basically the same thing in life and love? Are you both headed 1n compatible directions? In a movie called The Snows of Mount Ki1imanjaro, a woman who wanted-^ house in the suburbs became romantically entangled with a man who wanted to remain a roving foreign correspondent. They never did get it together and suffered much because of the conflict.

There are other dynamics. The book discusses the dynamic it calls "complementarity," a fluid ad hoc division of labor between the partners--This time you cook and I'll clean up. The problem I perceive with this, however, is that a division of labor can be achieved with anyone, a roommate for instance. As 51

such, it does not supply two people with a reason for committing themselves to each other. The authors found some May-December couples--where there is a wide disparity in ages--that had lasted upwards of thirty years. This suggests that a father-son or mentor-student dynamic can prove more durable than the meeting of two equals. One can theorize that couples who have a strong com mitment to shared personal growth miqht fare well. Curiosity would become the dynamic that drives the relationship. The relationship would suffer when communication was impaired and perhaps end when curiosity was satiated. One couple I know has this wonderful and distinctive sense of being in play with each other. I busied myself with trying to change my lover. Still other dynamics include master/slave and male/female role playing. The point of all this is that love may not be enough. As the authors put it: "We started out with some naive notion that we would find that love or affection was the binding force in the partnerships. We did find a lot of love, but that it is not by love alone that these relationship thrive" (p. 286; see also p„ 205). Well, then, what 1s it? I call it a dynamic, some added ingredient, some other additional business to be about, some polarity to keep the spark jumping across the gap. There really has to be a reason to be together, in some instances, before the male couple will work. The last point about finding a successful relation ship is that you cannot look for one. Seek and ye shall not find. Don't go to the grocery store when you're hungry. A relationship will happen to you when you least expect it.

THE CASE FOR REMAINING INDEPENDENT Why on earth would any gay male deliberately choose to remain single as a matter of policy?

I realized that I did not have to give in to my own fears and needs. I turned and faced my fear of being alone, and in doing so realized that finding love is not critical to my existence. I found that I could stand on my own two feet and deal with the solitary reality of human existence by myself. I found the wisdom of insecurity: that it is better to learn to live with uncertainty than it is to run from your fears.

I have adopted such a policy and here's why: I had a committed relationship once and found it basically unsatisfying for reasons having nothing to do with who my lover was. While we cared about each other, we never found a good reason to support the level of commitment we had made to each other. Without a mutually acceptable dynamic to keep things interest ing, the relationship grew tiresome. Secondly, I had trouble with sexual nonexclusivity in a committed context. I was devastated when my lover went out on me. I yearned for sexual freedom myself but would not give it to myself because of my commitment to my lover.

I hit upon the idea of an uncommitted relationship, somewhere between having a fuckbuddy and a lover. Call it having a boyfriend or a sexual friend. Its central distinguishing feature is the intentional absence of a commitment. I have such a relationship now. Being uncommitted means that we will not live together, we do not prom ise that we will love each other, we do not promise sexual exclusivity, and we make no commitments re garding the future. So far, it 1s an immensely satis fying addition to my other relationships with platon ic friends and family members.

The relationship foundered on sexual issues and on boredom, precisely the two key issues flagged in The Male Couple. These problems are real. I suffered from them. If I get in another committed relation ship, I can expect to suffer from them again, given the findings in The Male Couple. The problems are with the institution of the maTe couple. The problems are structural. They are in the nature of the beast.

The motivation is pleasure. The sex is hot and pas sionate and we enjoy each other's company for many other activities as well, including long and fairly intense conversations.

After my break-up, I began to think seriously for the first time what it is I want for myself. 52

and "the safe blandness of mutual security" are all that are possible in the long run. Instead of forc ing your relationship beyond what it can possibly be, shed your unrealistic notions and revise your expecta tions downward. Substantially.

Each maintains his own life. No dependency on or preoccupation with the other is created. There is no attempt to provide a womb or shelter from the storm for the other. We do not assume total responsibility for the emotional well-being of the other. I am no more attached to him than I am to any of my platonic friends. We get together (about once a week) because we want to, not because we have to out of a sense of duty to a commitment or because we need to merge our separate identities out of existence. We are both very independent and want to keep it that way.

A male couple is a very ambitious undertaking. It takes a lot of ability, desire, resolve, and just plain old work to sustain a long-term committed rela tionship. Ultimately, there is no guarantee the re lationship will pay the dividends expected. There are lovers who promise each other more than they can possibly deliver. However, being responsible means not taking on obligations you know you can't meet.

I find it liberating to know that I don't have to emote-on-demand for another. If I don't feel it, I don't feel it, and I don't have to pretend that I do, anymore. My emotional responses are now free and spontaneous: we have had our tender and expressive moments. For me, the minimal involvement is energiz ing and I no longer harbor unrealistic expectations for "more."

The male couple has only the significance you choose to give to it. Just because those around you trumpet the indispensability of having a lover does not establish in fact that the male couple is critical to your existence or the only right answer for everyone. You will not necessarily find the male couple reward ing just because "they" say it is.

The uncommitted relationship is an alternative for those who feel trapped, stifled or fatigued in a male couple. For those who find having a lover sacrifices too many important parts of the self. An uncommitted relationship provides sex in an affectionate context as well as sexual freedom. It avoids the two major problems with the male couple: boredom and the threat that sexual adventuring poses to a commitment. If the sexual friend is chosen with an eye to maxi mizing the number of possibilities for relating (com mon interests, shared values, etc.), then it is possible for a friendship to remain long after the sexual interest has waned. If not, then two people went into something with their eyes open and got what they wanted without losing their independence or their ability to stand on their own two feet.

Because we are gay, Christian marriage is foreclosed to us. Without that mainstay of Western Civilization, we have no clear picture of how to relate to one an other. We are left to scramble for alternatives and to puzzle out our own ad hoc solutions. The insti tution of the male couple Ts one model that 1s avail able to us; the uncommitted relationship along the lines advocated herein is another. Our impoverished conceptualization will not be remedied until there is a range of known alternatives and we are familiar with their general features. Even if that day ever comes, you are free to find your own way. No one can truly prescribe for you what you will think and feel regarding the issues discussed in this article. Do you find a committed relationship worthwhile? How important is it to you not to be bored? How would you react if your lover wants his sexual freedom? Where do you stand on the male couple? What is your motivation for seeking a lover? It takes a lot of careful listening to your self before you can know your own mind on these issues.

An uncommitted relationship works best for me and, I hope, provides a model for others. I cannot imagine ever having a lover again.

CONCLUSION We were given a set of unrealistic expectations re garding relationships. We were told that we needed a lover. And when we found one, it would last forever. He would be the only one. Coupledom would cure our loneliness and meet our every desire, wish and need. Our partner would not be able to function (sexually or otherwise) without us. And we certainly would not be able to make it without them. The other would fill the void within us and wipe out the supposed pain of our existential separation.

Just as you are free to develop your own answers, you are free to suffer the natural consequences of failing to think these issues through for yourself. And of having a lover if the male couple is not right for you. Life is a blank canvas. You can shave your head, wear an orange robe, and shake a tambourine if you want to. Or you can hew closely to tradition and con vention. The point is to know yourself well enough to know whether a conventional institution like the male couple is right for you or whether you require something different. If you form attachments reck lessly, then the blood on the floor may one day be yours. An i11-conceived attachment is ultimately a waste of time and is not easily dissolved.

These myths come to us from society, TV, movies, ad vertising, children's stories ("And they lived hap pily ever after . . ."), religion, popular songs, the people we know and elsewhere. They are embellished by our own wishful thinking. The end result is that many of us proceed on the basis of a romanticized and overblown conception of what a commitment to another can possibly do for us. It does not even occur to us to question the need for a lover. We live in a dream worl d .

My respect for individual choice extends even to those who take a lover for no good reason. Do what you want to do. Having thought about it, I for one choose to remain an uncoupled male.

But reality comes crashing through. It doesn't last forever. You are not the only one for him. And the failure of our unrealistic expectations causes us pain, lie have trouble letting our expectations go. But read The Male Couple and learn that companionship 53

A Fly That Walks by

Mi c h a e l

1fred Z. was found dead in his Manhattan apartment. Dr. R. Bank. Pathmark. Have abandoned writing. The world will break you as Hem said. Why go on living. So bored. So tired. No gaiety anymore. Everything has ended. Just another twist ed schizoid. My dreams are gone to ashes. The days so long and empty and loveless and tormented. No glory, never, beyond my reach0 I keep thinking there are references to me on the radio. But that can't be. It's madness--or terrible cruelty. Wake at ten. Feel nervous, tormented really. Smoke incessantly. Cut backyard. Poston Globe sent back For the Homoerotic Order without a rejection notice. Sent it to Gay Community Hews. Americans are so moralistic and un sophisticated . Take homosexual ity entirely too seri ously. Swan by Kirov. Heaven prince. Ballet doesn't make it on TV. Little dots floating about the screen. Sent Bose Kennedy a birthday card. Sent 25 dollars to Republican National Committee. Mother and I mixed birdseed and D-Con in an attempt to kill the bird that flies into our picture window. Feel macabre and per verse. Feel like doing something macabre and perverse--and violent. Become depressed. Terribly. That damn Elavil doesn't work. Feel like killing my self. Tormented every day. All of Hitler's body guards were gay. He supposedly had homosexual en counters. He read a book a day and had a library of 16,000 volumes. Should do something cruel to our enemies. Smoke terribly. I guess it's because what else is there I'm desperate. RFD was supposed to have an essay of mine, but not in Sumner Issue. Maybe Fall --I hope. Grass-cutting. Ugh! Terribly humid. Hanging Loose rejected. Despair. Every day a little death, in the heart and in the head. Sent 25 dollars to Skyhook II Project. Attempt to rescue remaining POWs in S.E. Asia. Poor guys. Become very drunk. I want to die, you see. Oh, I'm tired, near death, of course. So, so tired; exhausted if you must know. Mother wakes me to see Princess Andrew. Why, Mother, why? I didn't wash my face or brush my teeth today. I really must be deteriorating. Life is tiresome. Isn't it strange that I said crash, crash, crash and Challenger did crash. I hope Mother and Sheila told people. I want the town to fear me. I want them to think I am Lucifer's lover. This is madness. Dis card. Sent Hanging Loose reject to Janet K. even though It is "gay" openly. Will she be horrified, the poor fool. Then send her A Wagnerite1s Lament. Oh, print it, honey bee. Unbearable heat and humid1ty. Feel terribly sick. No wonder they grew tobacco here. People are cruel. No one understands me. There was a song about the "Duke" on WXCI. Everyone who met the Duke died. .Am I the Duke? It's too, too cosmic. Mother is cold to me. I fear she doesn't ap prove of me. She loves people, but doesn't approve of them. Males are beasts. Become depressed. Corn and tossed salad for dinner. I think Mother is getting senile. She got lost coning home from the hospital, and tonight she had me throw corn cobs on Charlie's

Swi f t

yard; she never did that before. Anxiety attack. Ordered a Chinese vase from Trifles. Oh why did I wake so early. Bored already. Caroline K. wedding today. I said a Hail Mary so she'll have a perfect wedding. And a prayer for newlyweds, from Oblates. Dr. Walter L. died. He was a friend of Doug and Chris D. Become drunk. Sent a telegram to Toby Moffett. Told him "Don't feel bad. It's just that you're too good for America." Poor boy. O'Neill such a nothing. Must control the drinking. Mother would be horrified. She monitors the liquor cabinet. I know Mother cried a bit when C.K.'s wedding was on TV. Why? Some deep dark motivation? That I'll never be a husband? Pee on the Times. They rejected my divinity. No one in America has an imagination. Oh, I can't be flip about Jackie in The Pagan Dei ty. She's fragile. John was a stinker. Become somber. I'm going to crash in a minute. It was touching when Jackie leaned on Teddy. She's so feminine. Mars Without Venus came yesterday. I'm not going to order from Edward Hamilton. He always says I didn't pay enough CT sales tax. How does he figure it? I'm plugged into the radio day and night thinking they'll talk about me. That must be psychosis. Nonsense. Discard. poor Jackie 0. I wish I could do something for her. Mustn't be cheap. 'Then the bullet entered his noble head. How I wept. It's as if I were at the wedding. I dreamt that I married Caroline. A barber kept patting my stomach which he called my "front porch." And I said "I have to get in shape for the honeymoon." Mother cries when she writes a sympathy card (Angela Fiorl) and so I cry. °oor Mother. Make me rich, editors, so I can help her. Some man almost ran me down at Shoprite. Americans are predatory. R. Strauss is so chic. Try not to smoke and take coffee. Tried quitting smoking again July 21. Slept. Felt sane for a change. Nancy Reagan wrote to me. I had sent her a birthday card. How touching. But then the terrible darkness returns. Mother forgot to buy hamburger. I hope she's not get ting senile. She's my life. She's such a saint. Just like her father. Awful lunch at an Italian joint. Typewriter man. Ideas for poems. How lovely it is when two straight men make love to each other. Hit ler and his bodyguards. Discard. Become vastly drunk. Third time in seven days. Flying D from Mon roe. The English are perverse. I thought I was get ting sober but I'm not. Felice Picano. Sent a poem out. God, my room reeks of alcohol. I feel so guilty. Mother gets awfully angry when I drink. That insufferable wedding, although the Queen is somewhat alluring. Horribly hungover. Everything is becoming a nightmare. We were without water most of the day. Main break. So dreary. This milieu is banal. Must get to Manhattan. Oh, you'll never get there. It’s two million a month for a studio. Be come suicidal. My life was ruined at 25 when I was exiled from New York. Oh, Michael, you mustn't be so serious. Life is a farce, not a gloomy tragedy. All but a few are comedic. Tomorrow am mailing a birth54

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A GAY MAN VISITS CENTRAL AMERICA by JOHN LINDSEY—POLAND In Honduras, graffiti against the U.S. military pre sence mentioned AIDS, and I soon learned that AIDS has been transmitted from North American soldiers to six Honduran women, mainly prostitutes. Many prostitutes --and their number has grown since the U.S. estab lished military bases in Honduras--are girls as young as eight and nine years old, and from poor families. Since Honduras is under occupation by the United States, these instances of strange sexuality are un derstood as just one more set o f foreign values aris ing from the takeover.

hen townspeople leave their homes in ) Central America to be in the mountains, it has a very special meaning. They may be refugees, like the Salvadoreans I met in Honduras last October, who in groups m m m m m of 100 or 600 fled the army, eating only oranges for weeks, or tortillas when they could get them, trying to keep their children from crying so the soldiers wouldn't hear. Or they might be guerillas, sick of seeing activists killed with im punity, determined to acquire power by the gun. Or, in Nicaragua, they might be state soldiers drafted to fight the contras for months at a time in remote areas.

(In the other hand, I had a different experlence with Nineth de Garcia, president of Grupo de Apoyo Mutuo, the group of relatives of the disappeared in Guate mala. James and I were working with an international peace group (Peace Brigades International) that pro vides Nineth and her daughter with round-the-clock non-violent escorts because of threats to their lives. Nineth was telling me one day how her husband Fer nando, who was disappeared nearly three years ago, was her one true love. She would never be able to fall in love again; the army had taken that from her. She asked whether I had a love. I carefully told her about an affair I had with a woman in Furope three years ago. "You must be different from me. Don't you miss her?" she asked. So I told her about James and me, and to my surprise she was glad for me, glad for a love that would sustain me.

Whatever the reasons for going, time in the mountains almost always represents a time of struggle and test ing. Trial by fire, literally. Having left San Francisco for a community in the Berkshires, I feel at trial myself. No desperation has pushed me here, except maybe the unnerving violence of the city's rhythms. But rural country is unfamiliar to me, and I am aware of my strangeness in the eyes of local folk here. My partner James and I were strange to many Central Americans, too. We got some strange looks from pro prietors of hospedajes when we asked for or accepted a room with one bed (and then dirtied the sheets). But cultural differences worked in our favor as well-Latinos and Mayans are much easier about touching each other with affection than North Americans, especially when drunk. During a fiesta in a highland Guatemalan town, many men walked about holding hands. So James and I didn't risk much in keeping our arms around each other in public. I think gay sexuality is invisible to most Central American minds, a myth from the cul turally corrupt North.

Though I came out to Nineth, if news that she counte nanced gay love became public in Guatemala, she might face difficult consequences. Already under attack for inviting the "interference" of a foreign peace group, the Grupo does not need the accusations of cultural corruption that would ensue. The cases of their 1600 disappeared relatives come first, absolutely. Here in western Massachusetts, my process of coming out may also be slow. I have yet to meet the three gay men who have lived up the road for thirty years. I will never be native to this place as they are, but I still hope to make it home.

Once, talking with some activists from a teachers’ union, the topic of conversation came around to educa tion in the United States. One man said he thought the problem in the U.S. was depravacion, depravity. At first I though the word meant deprivation, or poverty, but he went on to talk in scandalous tones about homosexuality and gay videos. I didn't have the nerve to come out to them, but said that the real pro blem is how materialism makes people into objects, so that any kind of violence can be done to them regard less of sexuality. A second man in the group nodded in agreement, but the first man changed the subject.

(For information on being an escort for the Grupo de Apoyo Mutuo, write to: Peace Brigades International, 175 Carlton St., Toronto, Ontario MSA 2Y3, Canada.)

CUTTING THROUGH DENIAL OR ALCOHOL , MARX, AND BUDDHA by ED SCHREIBER, M.Ed. am very excited to be able to tell you about a number of ideas and experiences that have significantly changed my under standing of drug and alcohol addiction. I have been studying addiction and depen dence for about twelve years, and when I look at our community, and our nation as a whole, it seems painfully clear that the solutions we're employ ing, although inclusive of many points of view, are still incomplete in light of the current dilemma we are facing as a community and as a nation. In my attempt to understand addiction more fully, I have found it useful and important to look outside of our social experience as Americans and our way of seeing the world. I will present two non-western methodologies which we can make use of to understand ourselves and our world. Cultures around the world have found them useful and vital, and there is much to be learned. I will then demonstrate a clinical application o f these principles. To begin with, I would like to share one simple yet difficult point found in the meditation practice of

Ruddhism. The Buddhist notion is that everything, including ourselves, has a beginning, develops, breaks apart and then ends. Life, and all that we experience life to be, is impermanent, not lasting. Buddhist practice centers in part on the experience of ourselves as impermanent beings. Central to this practice is the recognition that we, as individuals, cannot escape from the impermanence of our existence. Yet we attempt to prove to ourselves and to others that this is not so. The illusion that we are im mune, or exempt in some way, numbs the instinctive wisdom that we are capable of experiencing. That numbing makes us less able to intelligently respond to ourselves and to the world. This Buddhist principle of impermanence can be ap plied to our relationships, emotional states and ac tivities. With each we can recognize the process of beginning, developing, breaking apart, and ending. Organizations go through this cycle. If we look one step further and take a large macroscopic view o f our society we can see that a society, like everything else, has a birth, a period of development, a period of breaking down, and then an ending as it once was.

It is possible to understand that this moment o f American society is one point in our society's cycle o* life. We can also see that we have a unique and quite particular relationship to our society through out that orocess. What we see today is a breaking down of what we have known our society to be: our school systems, families, institutions, the rise of violence, the increase of homelessness and poverty and the increase of drug addiction. These events can be understood not as unrelated events in history, but rather as the social expression of this very particular moment in the life of our society.

f l u e n c e s t h a t k e p t h i m t i e d to t h e e m o t i o n a l s t r u g g l e s a n d t h e d y n a m i c s t h a t w e r e a p a r t o f his d r i n k i n g .

As part of his therapy, he asked for help to free himself from the feelings, thoughts and ideas about himself that he felt were stifling to him. In addi tion, he spoke openly about terminal cancer, which he had been dealing with for a number of years. For that, he asked that I support his efforts to find, to feel, and to trust a forward pull within life that he had glimpses of. He wanted to deepen his relationship with that pull so that he could free himself from what was holding him back.

As part of my attempt to understand this social phe nomena, I traveled to Moscow, Leningrad, Yalta and other more rural parts of the Soviet Union on an ex pedition exploring the world view of Marxism along with the Soviet response to the addiction. If we are willing to look at some of the ideas that have guided that society, we will be able to gain yet another dimension for our work with others.

He asked that I help him to face himself and his whole relationship to life. At times he became filled with fear and confusion when trying to hold onto himself and to life. Yet, even with all that fear and con fusion, he has been able to hear, to feel, and to speak with who he is, to find himself as an imperma nent human being on his path in life.

There lived in Germany a very brave and very brilliant woman by the name of Rosa Luxemburg, a Jewish Com munist who was later murdered for her teachings. She stated that the system of American society ( o r any society for that matter) would peak in its capacity to meet the needs of all of its people, and once it has moved beyond that point, it will begin a period of destabilization and decay marked by the exclusion and the elimination of some of its members.

He was able to touch life, not insulated by the iden tities and the layers of illusion that he had learned from himself and from others. With that, he has found an intelligence to his sensitivity and a freedom from what had bound him. I grew to respect the importance of helping him to be come less frightened, in fact, to become more intimate with the impermanence of his life, and to recognize impermanence as natural and all around us. We worked together to make friends with that. This has allowed us to see the world and ourselves as we are, without illusion. It was a brilliant, wonderful and painful experience. It was one way for each of us to become more human when the world around us seems to be becom ing more hostile and aggressive.

The relevance for us, I believe, becomes clear when we take a look at history. I am reminded in many painful ways that we gays as a people have always had a particular relationship to the whole of our society. There has always been a relationship between the life of a society and the identification of whom to blame for the failures and social decline of that society. We have been blamed more than once and in many lands, as have Jews, Blacks, and women. We are again point ed to as reasons for the decline and the pain of a society in its post-peaked years.

It became clear, too, that we could not do this alone, that we needed one another. When we find others on the path, and then can share our experiences, then we are all that much more certain and more human. I ask you to consider these ideas. They have become funda mental to all of my work. If you have been touched by my words, then let's speak! I look forward to that, for one thing is clear: the years to come will prove to be difficult and painful, yet filled with a million opportunities for human progress.

We, along with people of color, are in the forefront of the social anger and blame, the aggression of a society that has grown more conservative, more invest ed in moving backward to hold onto itself as it onCe was. More frightening still is the possibi1ity that this is not simply a passing phase, but rather a very recognizable time in the life of a social order. This then sheds new light on the problem and the treatment of addiction and dependency. Addiction and dependency, on one level, can be understood as a means by which to live with the growing troubles around us. Further, it can be seen and treated as one way to reduce the impact and the pain that comes from a recognition that our existence and the exist ence of others is fundamentally and finally imperma nent. Addiction also is an attempt to blur, to cover over the experience of oneself as impermanent in a world that is in tremendous change.

[Ed Schreiber is a practicing Buddhist, and lives in the Boston area. He has been active politically for the last six years and works as the Clinical Coordina tor of the North Charles Institute for the Addictions and a staff therapist at the Boston Institute for Social Therapy and Research. He has been workinq in the field of addiction for the last twelve years. During that time he lived with the Findhorn Community in northern Scotland and recently traveled through the Soviet Union, exploring the Soviet response to drug and alcohol addiction. He is currently involved with the development of a broad-based organization of progressive therapists who are concerned about the rightward, authoritarian and repressive trend within American psychology. He would like to hear from others with similar interests and can be reached by writing to him at: P.O. Box 1054, Jamaica Plain,

The clinical implications of all of this are signifi cant, and I would like to tell you about my work with Jeff, a gay man whom I have been seeing in therapy. A little less than a year ago Jeff came to the clinic in which I work asking for help with his drinking problem and all that went with it. He had been liv ing in Mew Hampshire with his lover of five years and had recently moved away to get free from the in

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woman is "disgusting." Some of us even think that certain sexual practices between gays are disgusting. Do we really expect to be accepted if we cannot accept each other?

T e a c h e rs

And what about ourselves? How do we feel when we look into a mirror and see our own reflection? Do we love that person unconditionally or do we say things like, "Too bad you're not one of those handsome model types," or "Too bad that you're growing old. No one wants an old queen." Are we tolerant of ourselves? Our own behavior? Our own bodies?

T OL E Rf l HCE

In 1% d a friend of mine committed suicide. He was gay but he could not accept himself as being gay. The world had taught him too well that he was evil and that God hated him for his perversity. He bought all of the negative emotional garbage that the world (in cluding himself) showered down upon him. He bought it and then he checked out because what he bought was too heavy to bear.

by JUSTIN DE MELLO ay men and women around the world,

through their intimate desire and love for their own sex, cross all boundaries of social and racial discrimination. They are the students of divergence, the teachers of global socal tolerance."

My friend's death taught me some very profound things. It taught me that there are no opinions or attitudes more important than life itself. It taught me that if ten million people think that I am scum it does not make me scum; that it is how I feel about myself that decides what I am. It taught me that if the god I be lieve in is one that condemns and punishes, then it is time to find a new god that loves me exactly as I am and guides me to be the best loving person that I can be. I was born gay; it must have been of God's choos ing; there must have been a purpose. Why would God create someone only to condemn them?

Wow! That was terrific. Who said that? Well the truth is no one famous, it came from me. Would it have made any difference if it was uttered by the Pope or the President of the United States? Truth is truth and it matters little who speaks it. What is impor tant is that we accept ourselves totally and complete ly as good, loving, socially necessary human beings. Yes, I did say "socially necessary." Can you think o f a better group of people to teach tolerance than homo sexuals? We have been oppressed since man took his first step on this earth. We have been called every thing from "weird" to "demons from hell." If we are not students of tolerance then who is?

Fortunately we are no longer being executed for being homosexuals, but persecution is persecution and all levels of it must be stopped. We can all do something for our cause, for our own freedom to be who we are. We can all learn to accept ourselves and each other exactly as we are; become tolerant of US. If the rest of the world sees us being tolerant of our own kind, loving ourselves and those that we come in contact with, then we will show by example that acceptance triumphs over bigotry and intolerance; we will show that the only changes that need occur in the world are changes of our own attitude. Then and only then will we make great strides in equality, in being accepted.

Tolerance, like charity, begins at home. A few months ago I was invited to a dinner party; everyone there was gay. At one point I was strolling around and hap pened to catch part of someone's conversation. It went something like this: "He's such a tramp! Last week he spent the night at Kevin's house and the week before that he and John were sleeping together. Now there he is with Rudy . . . It just pisses me off when I see a guy whoring around." Now there's a tolerant fellow. Oid they forget that many straight people get "pissed off" when they even hear about one man making love to another?

There has never been a time in history that gay men and women around the world need to learn total ac ceptance of one another more than in this decade. AIDS threatens our very existence, not to mention our social position in the world. So many of us were shunned by the world before the disease reared its ugly head. Now AIDS only adds fuel to that fiery ring of fear and anger that surrounds us. Most of the world is running scared--fleeing from the horrid black death that AIDS brings with it. Our own com munity, friends and family are terrified of reaching out and giving hope and comfort to those of us that are stricken with the illness. Is this the legacy we leave for ourselves? Do we really want to be ex communicated from life?

If we are to teach the rest of the world that they must rise above social prejudice, then we must learn to BE above it ourselves. If we do not want to be judged by society, then we had well better not judge our own kind. If we want to be free to be the loving gay people that we are, then we need to learn to let other people that are gay be free to be who they are. It seems rather ludicrous for us to expect any govern ment to pass laws that protect our Cod-given rights as humans if we do not accept and protect ourselves. The answer does not exist "out there"; the answer is in side of each and every one o f us. How do we feel about our own sexuality? How do we feel about our friends' sexuality? How do we feel about anybody's sexuality? Straight people do not understand how one man can possibly feel good about being intimate with another. There are gays that feel the same way about straights. We think that sexual intercourse with a

Tolerance. We must accept ourselves, our community, our sick. We must accept the terrified millions that do not understand us. Because the only way they are going to accept us is through us accepting ourselves.

WE DON’T NEED ANOTHER HERO by M. A. DEFINE here is a sad footnote to the recent I death of Liberace, a footnote punctuated J I by the California medical examiner. In ]the end, it could not be kept hidden that ^Liberace, as many suspected, died because AIDS. The reality of his life, the truth he wanted so badly to remain hidden, will per haps become one of the most remembered aspects of what was quite a legendary career. Liberace was, of course, the saddest form of homophobe, turning his terrible prejudice against himself into a lifelong hatred of his sexuality. He went so far as to sue a London paper for libel when it indicated his sexual orientation (he won). I suppose it should be remem bered that Liberace was from the pre-Stonewall era and certainly not different from the thousands of men and women who, for reasons they alone know, still choose to live their lives from within the confines of a closet. That may not be acceptable to many of us but we do not know what demons lurk in the hearts of others. We do not have the right to judge. But Liberace chose not only to live as if he were hetero sexual, he chose to die that way as well. And that, in the final analysis, may prove to be unforgivable. Even towards what he must have known was the end, Liberace rejected any connection with the homosexual ity that had been such a large part of his life. Perhaps he truly believed that his sexual orientation was a sin against nature, fit only for dark places and shamefilled back rooms. Perhaps he feared that he would no longer be loved by the heterosexual women who made up such a large part of his audience. Per haps the fear and shame were somehow substantiated by his contraction of AIDS. Perhaps he felt he deserved it. Maybe that's why he did nothing to help when so many of his co-workers contributed so much in an attempt to jar the government into recognizing this disease for the deadly virus that it is instead of a disagreeable, disgusting "plague" sent down as the curse of God.

ed to pay a final farewell to Judy farland. He would not have thrown rocks and beer bottles and high heels during the infamous Stonewall Riot. He was only tin sel . They were steel. And he did not have the cour age of those who reigned so regally in what was a very important era in the history of our culture Liberace was homosexual. He did not have the pride that comes from being "gay." He was same-sex orient ed but there were few among the ones who kept a vigil during his dying hours who were of his sexual per suasion, few who stood to support him as one of their own. He was, in all fairness, a consummate actor. But that is not hard to learn in a society as hostile as this one. And most of us, even today, discovered early the art of disguise. He was, in all fairness, a terrific performer. But that is not hard when one can base their role on the reality of their life. Certainly, he was immensely talented If only he could have been brave. He refused to act when his actions might have helped in some little way to improve the quality of life for those in similar circumstances. Perhaps just the knowledge that he did not die in vain, just the gift of truth that he chose not to give, would have proven some comfort to him in his final days. And God knows how much our community needs the help that his gift of truth might have provided in raising funds, aware ness, and, most of all, compassion. Liberace will be mourned by those whom he chose to emulate, those whose approval he was willing to buy at any cost. They will not believe the implications of his tragic death. Or they will blame it on the "affliction" which he labored so valiantly against his whole life. Those caught up in the glamour and the glory of his excessiveness will grieve the loss of their living symbol. Those who may have benefited from his financial success will not forget him. But among his own people, among those with whom he shared an unbreakable bond, among those with whom he shared the love “that dare not speak its name," there will be few tears. In the past few years we have learned what it means to be a hero. We have seen too many meet death with dignity. We have witnessed courage and we have found it beautiful. He will not be missed.

And yet, his money was made from the very association with stereotypical "queenery" that was his trademark. He was the quintessential screaming faggot. He was the living embodiment of all those traits immortalized in heterosexual stories of "fairies" condemned to live in unhappy perversion and dykes who always lost to a "real" man in the end. But Liberace lacked the underlying greatness of those who chose to live amidst the spangles and dangles, the sparkle and the flair. He lacked their soul and he would not have understood their tears as they wait 50

Q-DAy by B I G

STONE Copyfu.gkt 1987

Author's Note: According to the Mayan and Aztec calendars, we live in the period of the Fifth Sun, ruled by Quetzalcoatl who lived in Mexico from 947 - 999 AD and ruled a peaceful kingdom f rom the city of Tollan. He gave the prophecy of the "13 heavens of decreasing choice and 9 hells of increasing doom," each 52 years long. The 1st hell began on Good Friday, 1519, when Cortez landed in M e x ico. iTie 9th and final hell began as Hitler was con solidating his power in Germany and it will end Aug. 10, 1987. But the "Great Cycle," the period of the ‘>th Sun, will not end until 2012 AD. August 16, 1987 is a critical point in mankind's evolution, marking the fork in humanity's road to either ultimate destruction or cosmic consciousness with the coming of the 6th Sun.

ugust 16, 1987 was an ordinary day, as days in the late 19R(Vs went. Financiers speculated, farmers tended their crops, soldiers killed, lawyers argued, and doc tors healed. Fverywhere human beings went through their daily routines in hope, or desperation, or fear, or conviction; doing good or evil to their fellows and the earth as they saw fit. Few took heed for tomorrow: modern life was so con stantly chancy, absorbing, and dangerous that only a handful had the leisure and/or curiosity to ponder the future.

As the sun vanished in the west, the old man circled the huge bole slowly, singing a song of praise to the tree itself. It was an old song, older by far than the little church and the conquistadores who had built it. At the end of his paean, he seated him self on the eastern side of El Tule, intending to await the sunrise. All his life had he served the crucified god, but now his eyes were dim, his hearing bad, and no one of his village showed any interest at all in the old ways or the knowledge he could have passed on. All except perhaps Felipe, who alone amongst the village children showed more than ordinary interest in the old man's stories. But he no longer wished to teach, he was tired and wanted to rest. This night the old man planned to spend in prayer, petitioning his god to grant him a merciful death and release him from a life that he thought had become useless.

tie found it hard to contemplate death.

Inail the^*

Wide, mad world, the area around El Tule seemed to

be an „as,s of peace and life. As the night deepened ^ a rs shone preternaturally bright and banished ’ r ? ld1man s remaining thoughts of death. A onderful clarity of mind came over him and he became acutely aware of everything around himself as he looked upon familiar sights as if with new eyes The fee, t e smaller plants, the insects buzzing about even the very stones at his feet, each and every one to him him a n d held T l d thim i 18 in in"er beaUt*theWhiCh to and awe until sunrise. revealed ihe morning of August 17, 1987 dawned with breath taking beauty. There were no comments on it in the morning news of the world's networks however for most of the people who noticed it merely subscribed it to air pollution and let it go at that. As the day wore on however, some strange reports began to come in from the European space laboratory up in earth orbit. There seemed to be some kind of unusual activity in the sun, as if it were burning brighter, giving off more heat and light than was normal.

In a small town in Mexico, an aged man walked outside his village as evening fell. Chanting an ancient hymn of praise to the setting sun as he went, he soon arrived before what appeared to be a grove of trees. Rut it was really only one tree, enormous and fabu lously old. It was called FI Tule and some believed it to be the tree of life itself, from which the first man and woman had emerged in ages past. The first Catholics in that region, while vigorously suppressing native beliefs about the tree, had none theless built a church close by thinking to take advantage of the tree's sanctity to enhance their alien faith.

The old man knew nothing of this of course, though he did note an oddness in the atmosphere about him. It was almost as if a feeling of excited anticipation had settled apon El Tule. As he was puzzling over this, he saw the boy Felipe coming towards the tree and himself. "Felipe! What are you doing here? school with the other children!"

You should be in

"Don't be angry with me, grandfather," the boy began, calling the old man by the name all the village children knew him by, "but the radio is saying strange things about the sun and I was frightened, so I came looking for you."

The tree was protected by Mexican law along with the old church as a historic site. But FI Tule was dying anyway. Some students from an agricultural university had come once to look at the tree and take samples of its leaves and bark. They later said that air pollu tion would eventually kill it, but the culprit, a nearby petrochemical plant, was not about to shut down for the sake of one old tree. Indeed, the workers at the plant would probably have joined together to burn the tree down themselves before losing their precious jobs because of it. After all, they had families to feed, families whose hunger would not be assuaged by the knowledge that El Tule was safe from harm.

"What kind of things are they saying?" the old man asked as Felipe sat down next to him. What Felipe told him was odd indeed and the old man wondered at it. The sun burning brighter? He did not remember the old legends speaking of such a thing. But in a corner of his mind hope revived and began to grow, nurtured by the impressions he was receiving from El Tule. Whatever was happening, it felt right, so he calmed the boy's fears and began to tell him a story.

spread sweetly over the land. From the giant blossoms also came countless numbers of small sparkling things, living spirits who had waited aeons for this day. Some of the spirits were bright with every color of the rainbow, while others were dark sparks of a flickering black. Both types shot forth from the tree and circled their glowing master as if in worship. Then they scattered off to do their work.

While they talked, the world received shocking news: about mid-morning an intensely glowing object had been spotted bursting out of the sun and was soon calculated to be hurtling directly towards the earth! Telescopes strained to catch a glimpse of the astro足 nomical anomaly while scientists argued as to what it was. As it drew closer, computers predicted an impact somewhere in Central America. There was little time to act and, after notifying the Russians, the Americans launched an IBM in a desperate attempt to destroy the object before it could strike the earth. As it flashed past the European space lab, the crew on board were astonished to see a human figure surrounded by an almost unbearably bright aura. Those on earth who received the scientists' report_ moments later felt sure the crew had been the victims of some sort of mass hallucination.

Two of the bright sparks entered into the chests of the old man and boy as they watched. All at once, it was as if a veil had been removed that had dulled their senses. The intense light that played around the god no longer hurt their eyes and they beheld Quetzalcoatl in all his wondrous glory. New colors, new sounds, new sensations revealed themselves to their astonished minds. When they looked upon one another, they saw their auras dancing about their bodies like a multicolored flame. In addition, new knowledge flooded their minds and they sang new songs of joy and praise never heard before to the lord of the dawn.

The IBM met the shining object approximately 80 miles above the state of Georgia. The light of the object, already visible to millions, multiplied geometrically as the thermonuclear warhead exploded - and did the object no harm! It continued on its projected course, but unfortunately the same could not be said for mankind's sensitive technology.

Meanwhile, the sparkling spirits spread swiftly throughout the world, each entering and bonding to a single person. Those who received the bright sparks experienced the same joy as the old man and boy and prepared to cooperate with Quetzalcoatl in building a new civilization based on truth and justice while repairing the hurt done to the earth-mother by their careless brothers. Gone were all thoughts of nationalism, racism, and false religion. Now there was only one nation, earth, one race, humanity, and one religion, that of the earth-mother.

The electromagnetic pulse of the overhead nuclear blast wreaked havoc among the delicate silicon chips in all sorts of electronic equipment over a huge area. Computer networks up and down America's east coast were in short-circuited ruins, telephones and TV and radio stations were dead, and commercial air足 liners unlucky enough to be caught in the area fell from the sky like crippled birds. The Mexican air force was helpless to intercept the object - radar stations and fighter jets alike were now just so much junk. In short, the sleek, technological god-system 20th century man had built had fallen in the space of a few seconds, leaving bewildered millions amid its ruins.

Those who received the dark spirits however knew that their final hour had come. Their crimes against humanity and the earth were paraded before their guilty eyes to convict them. For them the only cure for their filthy karmas was to die and be reborn as the children of Quetzalcoatl's followers in order to be trained in the correct ways of living. In time they would be clean again, as they had been when they began incarnating on the earth in the distant past. But for now, their mindsets were such that even the lord of the dawn himself could not deal with them. And that knowledge made them sadder than any other crime that they may have committed.

But the old man watched the approach of the shining object with growing hope as he reassured the appre足 hensive boy who clung to him. Could it truly be? Would the old legends be fulfilled today? When at last the object stopped, it was directly over the huge and ancient tree. The old man looked at the being who dwelt within that scintillating aura and gave a cry of joy. Every fiber of his body knew and rejoiced in recognition of the crucified god.

When the god knew the spirits had done their work, he descended to the ground and raised the old man and the boy, both of whom had prostrated themselves at the the foot of the tree. Smiling, the lord of the dawn embraced them in love and then gestured towards the old church. Before their wondering eyes appeared a shimmering cloud of translucent light which settled over the old building. It seemed to contort and expand, miraculously growing into a wondrous city of sculptured towers, varicolored stone temples, transparent crystal fountains, burnished metal statues, and streets of shining gold.

The pair fell to the ground in obeisance to the being of light who hovered above, busily scanning the planet earth. An infinite sadness came over the being as he contemplated the myriad woes of humanity and the evils that had befallen them since he had left the earth, so long ago. The tree of life itself was dying and very few remained on the earth who believed in his return. The being shook off his gloomy thoughts impatiently. Quetzalcoatl , the lord of the dawn, had returned and today would see an end to disbelief.

"Tollan!" the old man breathed, naming the half足 legendary city from which Quetzalcoatl had ruled in the remote past.

As the noon hour struck, the aura around the god glowed brighter and the tree of life responded by bursting forth in new foliage. Leaves of a delicate green, vibrant with life, shot forth and strained to catch the light of the god who hovered above. Huge buds swiftly formed and opened into dazzling flowers never seen before by human eyes. Their delicious scent was like nothing that could be imagined and

"Come, my brothers," the god said as he took the hands of the two wonder-struck humans, "let us go forth. There is so very much to be done."

by ROWAN He came to me in a dream. It was a cool, clear night that seemed to let the music pour through. I stood in a slight vale in a series of gently rolling hills, and I watched the night sky overflowing with stars. He stood off at a distance, slowly letting me become aware of him. I turned and caught a brief glimpse of his face, mostly hidden, before he disappeared. Antlered, I think? Was that a beard? Why a cloak of dark blue? A brief glimpse that left me with an afterimage that will not fade. And his name, NightSinger. A God, obviously, but one I know nothing of.

The sense was so strong that this was a male mystery, that his knowledge was not for me. And yet also there was such a sense of--do Gods plead? Where are the men? Will no one search him out? And what of the others? Most of us are aware of the heavy casualties suffered by Goddesses when the worldview shifted to that of the warrior god patriarchy. Hera, Bridget, changed so terribly. Others, Grian, Qetesh, Goddesses too dangerous to change or unable to accomodate compromise 62

on male character, and in most traditions insist that they acknowledge the Goddess as the supreme deity. Her consort and son get to make appearances, but usually only as spear carriers. Being women in this culture we should understand how this would tend to force most men to react. After a while, they leave. And it's a pity. For the men, for Paganism, and for the women.

and so destroyed. And those who are denigrated now. Aphrodite, Inanna. And countless others whose names we may never know. But what of the Gods who suffered? How many were "assimilated" (a horrible fate wherein, even if artifacts remain, you're still assumed to "really" be someone else)? How many were destroyed? How many maligned, denigrated? Lucifer the morning star, Dionysus--the God of the Llysian mysteries, and Pan. Pan is a sadly typical case. (Atypical in that he has managed to survive at all.) Most are familiar with Pan's reputation. He is licentious, plays glorious music that makes people wild, and is dis gustingly ugly. So ugly that nymphs, and we presume others, have preferred death to lying with him. And yet in the Seattle Art Museum I saw a bust of the Great God Pan dating from approximately the 5th century B.C., and I could barely tear myself away. It is the most exquisitely beautiful face I have ever seen. Alive, powerful, but mostly, simply beautiful. And yet now he is mostly known for his wild music and horrifically ugly face.

It is my opinion that as a group we Pagans generally lack a cultural context. I think that what has sur vived to us of Paganism managed to do so where there was a strong cultural background for it to be carried along in. For if religion is not translated into culture, then it will die. Correspondingly, although it takes longer, if culture is not based on religion, then it too fades. Presently, Judeo-Christian reli gion and culture are experiencing quite a heyday and because of this the cultural contexts that have so far preserved paganism are being slowly wiped out. Despite and/or because of this Pagans have begun to network and exchange their ideas, heritages, and general goodwill with other Pagans. And there are now more of us. But I fear that this will be a short lived resurgence unless we manage to root it in some basic cultural dirt. An inter-traditional cultural context for Pagans could make an incredible difference to al1 of us.

So many men who I and friends have talked to are in itially drawn to the Craft, to Paganism. And yet when they know it better they often pull back from it. They feel "Pagan," but have problems getting and maintaining excitement about reclaiming the Goddess, especially if it means getting excited about menstru ation and how horrible men and their Gods are. After all, they a_re men. And maybe they're interested in reclaiming the God. Let's hear some talk on how great male fecundity is. Perhaps if they realized more their role in creation there would be less desire to destroy. Perhaps there would be less of a feeling that contraception is a woman's problem. Then there are the Pagan women I've met who have problems find ing men to have relationships with. And groups who want to have an equal(ish) ratio of male to female members and yet have only one or two males, there is a strong connection between these problems. In one way we women have it fairly easy in that it. s natural to seek new paradigms when you're the one under the bootheel. What do we have to lose? But when you're on top, it's a long way down, and the brainwashing to maintain the status quo is intense. Despite all this, many men are still attracted to the Craft. And I fear that instead of embracing them as our brothers, sons, fathers, and mates--friends; in stead of encouraging them to get on with the important work of reclaiming the Gods and redefining the idea of male and men, we greet them with suspicions, diatribes

And yet I cannot conceive of this successfully being done without men. And I would not want to. Nor do 1 want a mate that accepts a supporting role. I want an equal. And I do not mean to imply a merely hetero sexual basis for this culture. That would be absurd. I mean, simply, that any culture that depends on the inferiority of a certain segment is unviable in the long run. I want my sons to grow up in beautiful strength with their special Gods to identify with. And I want my daughter to grow to find a mate who will be an equal, not merely supporting or domineering, whether her mate is male or not. And for this to happen there must be a space for the Gods. In men, in Paganism, in women. As above, so below.

[This article was originally published in Reclaiming Newsletter <*25, Winter Solstice 1986, P.O. Box 14404, San Francisco, CA 94114.]

SEXUAL OBSESSION vs SPIRITUALITY IS IT REALLY OK TO BE GAY? by THE SEEKER

I think I was ashamed of my body from that time for ward. I was afraid to go "*2" in the restroom at school for a few years because it wasn't private enough: In second grade I messed my pants on the way home because I couldn't hold it, and my mom was dis gusted that she had to clean me up "at that age."

Like most people, I was taught from an early age that certain parts of the body and certain bodily functions were dirty and shameful. At the age of four my cousin and I went behind the forsythia bush at the front of his house and peed and shit into some plastic eggshaped containers that silly putty used to come in. A neighbor lady saw us, and when I got home my mother gave me a good scolding--told me how ashamed she was that a neighbor caught us doing something like that-and made me take a bath and go to my room.

During summer swimming lessons I was fascinated by jockstraps. I couldn't imagine what they were for, and I was too embarrassed to do more than sneak a 63

glance. T h a d no idea b o d i e s o f o l d e r boys.

what was

going

on w i t h

Secure and strong at last in my self-acceptance and awareness of my spiritual identity, I will be able to love more fully without the desperate need to be loved in return, and without the resultant fear of rejection. After all, what is love but the desire to see oneself reflected in the soul of another? (The Psychology of Romantic Love, Nathaniel Branden) And if we have achieved true self-realization--have al ready seen that totality of spiritual beingness within ourselves--then there is no NEED to seek it in an other. But there is the freedom, the privilege, and the responsibility to help others see it in them selves .

the

I was a skinny sissy, and my two brothers (one older, one younger) made fun of me constantly, telling me how weird and weird-looking I was. Good thing I was smart, because at least I got some positive reinforce ment for my academic achievements. But I never learned to have fr1ends--never felt secure enough, or felt good enough about myself. Books, music, and religion were my escape. I was a "mamma's boy," a "goody two-shoes," the one all the other mothers told their boys "Why can't you be more like . . .?" while I imagine most of the fathers were saying "Well, at least my . . . is a healthy, active boy!"

The loving acceptance of my fairy brothers and sisters has helped me reach the degree of self-love and self acceptance that at least allows me to see where I need to be heading. And once the goal is visualized, the realization of the goal is almost inevitable.

I was very active in the church, but was also dis illusioned because it did not seem to offer any proof or solid answers to the great questions of life. So during my first year of college I left orthodox reli gion behind and got into a spiritual group that has been the focus of my life for about fifteen years now.

I want to carry my light out to the world, to be able to live and love fully without searching outside my self for something that can only be found within. Only the fairy gatherings have given me the hope of finding sexuality in a spiritual context--the vision of sex an an offering of love rather than an indul gence in lust.

But my spirituality, my self-image, and my sexual identity and obsessions have always been at odds with each other. All the gay organizations insist that "Gay is OK," but I knew better. How could anything be OK if it was a compulsion--an aching, desperate need? To me, this was a sure sign of imbalance.

If this sounds too much like biblical injunctions and moralizing, rest assured that it is not intended as such. It is simply what _I have found to be a possible clarification of my spiritual and sexual dilemma. I do not judge myself or others while we are unable to live up to these high standards. Spiritual realiza tion cannot be forced, and even when experienced, it often takes time for it to filter down and translate into our modes of physical behavior.

I tried to overcome my guilt, and eventually at least was able to stop fighting what I could not change. I guess I never stopped hoping that, in the course of my spiritual unfoldment, "it" would just fall away someday. But I could not foresee in what way this could happen, nor did I know if it was necessary or desirable for it to happen. I was too closely iden tified with "the problem" to be able to visualize what a balancing out of my sexual obsession could mean.

I do not make any claims as to the degree of my spiritual unfoldment. I only offer these few thoughts to my fairy friends, who have been such a beneficial influence on me.

What kind of sex life is "°K" for a spiritually-minded gay man in today's society? What is compatible with my long-sought goal of self-realization? How can I bring myself into balance in order to remove one of the many obstacles that keep me from achieving the realization and acceptance of al1 that I am--not just certain facets of my personality?

May the Rlessings Be, and may we all learn to love each other more fully, on a soul-to-soul basis! 'The largest and fa stest grow ing M fopagan ‘D ruid organization in the world...

A t n'Draiocfit ‘JFein: A 'Druid JeUxnvsfiip Art Indo-European reconstructionist tradition o f 9/fopagan Druidism, started by T. “ E. I. Bonew its, w ith an em phasis on scholarly, artistic, and cerem onial accedence. 'Membership rate (includes bim onthly new sletter, sem iannual journal, and annual directory) is 125 per year in the USA, }3 5 in Canada and M exico, $45 elsew here, payable to 'A D /'. Unclose SA SE fo r more inform ation and our M em bership/}^ tw orfing form . T O. “BoseS398, Berkeley, O l USA 94709-0398.

At last I have begun to see. I've gained at least a partial vision. I've realized that, for me at least, the pre-requisite to sexual balance (whether gay or straight) is self-love and acceptance. If I really loved and accepted my physical body and all my other selves, then I would not have this desperate need to project love onto strangers, to worship the attributes of masculinity and beauty that I have not learned to see within myself. I could love freely (without com pulsion) those with whom I shared a coronon bond, if first I were "my own best friend."I

MASS MEDITATION CALLED FOR ON AUGUST 16, 1987 Reginning at dawn August 16, 1987 and continuing until the next day, there will be a worldwide meditation as thousands of people open themselves to the message of the higher galactic intelligences that will be trans mitted at that time. There will be a collective planetary vision as well as messages of personal destiny to indivduals. A 'planetary field of trust' needs to be created on these dates by no less than 144,000 persons. These 144,000 will in turn affect virtually every other human being on Earth. Your participation in this event is eagerly awaited.

I think that the lover I have been seeking, but have never been able to have (because my lifestyle and spiritual ideals are so at variance with mainstream gay and straight society?) is really my higher self, soul. I believe that someday I will meet this self, face to face. I will realize that this beautiful, radiant, loving being with the light of a thousand suns and I are one, and "I" am always with me, that there is no one else to seek. 64

Located about an hour by car from the South Island city of Nelson (pop. 43,000), the Homestead is nestled in the Tapawera Valley, a farming and lumber ing area, some nine miles from the nearest grocery store and postoffice on a rugged dirt road. After turning right at the pink mailbox, you cross the river and drive another half mile before coming upon the Homestead grounds. The lodge itself is a monument to whimsy and fantasy. A rambling building of grey stucco with the tradi tional New Zealand tin roof, it has a high turret, balconies galore, and a patio for the swimming pool, yet to be built. Designed and hand-built by Paul Rowe, an electrician turned hotelier, it must be one of the most idiosyncratic buildings on the island. Vast, convoluted flower gardens surround the house, with fruit trees and shrubs in abundance. Special circular multi-1eveled areas are provided for bar becues and sunbathing. The hot tub out back has its own special enclosure, and there is a large volley ball court near the dining room. Inside, Paul's dis like for tradition is seen by the octagonal bedrooms in the tower, the solid hand-made beds in the North Wing, and the amazing number of electrical outlets and switches, a tribute to Paul's original trade. Paul began building his guest house eight years ago. A handsome and rugged "mountain man" with a strong jaw and greying temples, he was born in Christchurch and moved to Tapawera with his former lover, even tually hoping to begin the nucleus of a gay rural community. At first, the neighbors were less than happy to have an openly gay man in their midst, but over the years Paul and his guesthouse have become tolerated, if not welcome. The turning point, Paul feels, was when the local garden club ladies came to visit his magnificent flower gardens and sip tea un der the plum trees. The first part of Paul's dream has become a reality, with a small but steady stream of guests arriving from all over the country and occasionally from overseas. During my three-day visit, there were three other guests: a computer programmer from Christchurch, a medical doctor in need of a rest, and a former racing car driver who cooked most of the meals. Although there is a flat rate for ac comodation (approx. US$13 a night) everyone chips in for groceries and helps out with the cooking and the dishes. The atmosphere at the Homestead is very friendly and informal, with a fireplace, pool table and library available to guests. Although clothing is optional, the cold snap during my visit had every one bundled up in sweaters.

GAY HOSPITALITY DOWNUNDER

Paul's vision of building a gay male conrounity in Tapawera has not yet been realized. He feels that at this point in time, New Zealand gays are more concerned with "making it" in mainstream society and are reluctant to leave the cities--with their bars and discos--behind.

by NATHANIEL ALTMAN

Paul would welcome correspondence from North American rural gays, and especially those who have achieved a greater sense of community in the countryside. He can be contacted at The Homestead Lodge, Lower Wangapeka (Tapawera), R.D.42, Wakefield, Nelson, New Zealand.

first read about the Homestead Lodge in Out! magazine, a New Zealand journal for "the alternative lifestyle." Advertised as a country guesthouse for men on fifty secluded acres with river swimming, canoe__ ing, nearby hiking and a hot tub, the iodge appealed to this refugee from the *'ew York winter very much. 65

BROTHERS BEHIND BARS The Brothers Behind Bars Program is an outreach to our gay brothers in prison. It has three major parts: ]) we provide a department in the journal as a forum for literary expression by gay prisoners and occassionally information of interest and concern to gay prisoners; 2) we encourage pen pals through Joint Venture, which maintains list:, of prisoners seeking pen pals, offers some screening and forwarding, and gives advice to people writing prisoners; 3) we offer free subs to prisoners, but we have to limit this offer to what we can afford. We encourage friends to grant gift subs to prisoners. The grantors can remain anonymous. Subs are $12.

NAM81A BULETINS AVAILABLE NAMBLA (North American Man/Boy Love Association) makes their Bulletins available free of charge to persons imprisoned for sex with minors. Contact: Rock Thatcher 781 W. Oakland Pk. B1. "615 Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33111

This

Lonely

Prisoner,

This

L onelx

M an

W inter M em ories by MICHAEL HUE dancing across the ice-cold cement floor, bearing a hot cup of black coffee back to bed naked and alone with my steamy brew

by J

This lonely prisoner, sits in his cell, dying slowly in his special kind of hell. Those who knew him have forgot, society has left him to rot.

ames

William M e a d e

This lonely prisoner, this lonely man, takes each day as best he can. He sees no sun, no moon, or no stars, only 3 gray walls and a set of bars. This lonely prisoner has lost dreams, all hope is lost or so it seems. Look deep into his eyes and you will see, nothing there, no reflection of hurt, just a cold vacant stare.

wrapping up in winter's cloak of memories, gazing at reflections in cup's dark waters:

But look deep into his heart, i* his soul you could see, then you would know that just your love could set him free.

cold rain, quick small birds, diving diving below the horizon of my window, flash!

dark small arrows turn and rise

upwards out of sight,

Hear Brothers Dehind Bars,

leaving my winter cave for summer,

I was recently given the name of your organization by "ark Gasser. I had written to him about trying to obtain a copy of Nurturing News. He suggested that I write to Len, who is editor of Brothers Behind Bars.

summer morning with Eric, on the front porch sitting in our robes - Eric in tiger skin,

As a homosexual in jail, I have encountered prejudice beyond belief because of my sexual orientation. I am a thirty year old white male currently serving a four teen year sentence for second dgree theft and fraud. I must serve six years before becoming eligible for parole. I now have served twenty months of that sen tence and the experience has been so inhumane and hellish that I am not sure if I can continue. I am not your stereotypical homosexual man pictured by the general public. I am very masculine with a large sports and karate background. I held a national rat ing in karate prior to breaking my leg. As a result I

me in purple satin, greeting the morning smiles over hot coffee mugs, my skin, warm from lovemaking, wrapped in purple folds smells of Erie - tiger scent on my hands wrapped around my cup. memories for company on a cold morning. 66

have declined "protective custody." My appearance and background hasn't helped to make my incarceration any easier. Allow me to explain.

the word "faggot" really any different from that which condones violence towards homosexuals? If we ever hope to prevent the latter, it will be necessary to attack the thinking which produces both actions and I feel it is one and the same.

I have neither the time nor space to give you a de tailed version of my story at this junction, so a quick overview will have to do. During a visit with my lover a correctional officer noticed we were hold ing hands. He approached and told us, that although he would like to prohibit any physical contact he couldn't, but we couldn't do anything other than hold hands. Following that conversation the same officer moved around the visiting hall pointing out the two faggots. Imagine, setting in a room full of people and having to watch an officer go from person to per son and point out two faggots holding hands. He even had some people stand so they could get a better look. Following that incident I took what I thought was the right move to correct the situation. I wrote letters to gay publications, several gay rights groups, the ACLU, and attempted to see the warden. It was all to no avail. The only favorable response came from the straight state legislators. I even got a promise that the problem would be handled by the Department of Cor rections. No such luck! Just three days after re ceiving the promise from the DOC, another officer de faced my state ID card by writing the word "fag" across the front of it. I redefined the word patience when this officer handed me my ID card like it was al right. I even had the Internal Affairs Officer tell me "fag" was defined as a British prep student re quired to serve an upperclassman (like hazing in Amer ica). Then the fun really began.

I am of the opinion that if we are ever against hatred and discrimination, that to fight an awful lot of small battles; no one wants to fight the small battles see us winning the war any other way.

to win the war we will have unfortunately, and I cannot

Do I sound bitter? I try not to, but I came into this hellhole and found that being a homosexual--and being tagged that way--is something no one on the outside could ever possibly imagine. I now have to fight for the right to keep things. That is, personal things such as letters from my family, or small items of clothing or personal effects. I have to always be on guard against sexual assaults, especially due to the fact that I am large and present a threat to other in mates' masculinity. The day by day and hour by hour struggle for me to preserve my dignity, to be able to face myself, my family and friends, Is atrocious and overwhelming. I was once my parent's son capable of love, kindness and feelings. Now I have or am being turned slowly into a defensive animal, cold, callused, and unfeeling. It is the bitterness which protects me from the hurt, the pain and the incredible loss. Well, I just wanted you to have some notion of what many many brothers go through who are incarcerated. Your readership living their choice and comfortable lives will never know about what goes on behind bars-and being a homosexual in prison is a high stigmata, and those who can make it through their ordeal un scathed are far and few between.

During the next twelve months, I was transferred to nine different state facilities. All these transfers were administrative moves and not the result of any disciplinary infractions, in fact I have yet to re ceive a disciplinary infraction even though I have been set up, scapegoated, coerced and almost killed. Currently I live in the constant threat of being as saulted physically or verbally. The prisoners I can handle, the officers have my hands tied. This has led to a general climate of hostility and distrust, even to the point of violence. I guess that this is what it is going to take to draw attention to my situ ation. I realize that my present situation is not a heinous example of discrimination and therefore not very noteworthy. However, one question still troubles me--where do we begin the fight to end discrimination and hatred? Is thinking that approves of the use of

Thank you for letting me vent awhile as T had no one else to turn to right now and needed someone whom I don't know so that I wouldn't lose anymore hope. I don't know if there is anything you can do for me at this point, but I understand you are a networker and may be able to give me some resources other than what I have at present. I will be looking forward to hearing from you in the future. Sincerely, Jay Bogan

Cont'd from page 54 day card to Mrs. Onassis. Never got a thank you let ter from Jack Kemp. He has the same initials as John. There must be God. Unbearably hot. It makes me sick. Sheila and Mother phone. A. A. DeCato said New York ruins people. Bitten by yellow jackets. Divine benadryl. After effects divine. No rejec tions. Yippee-yay. Pick raspberries in the garden. Overcome by heat. Feel nauseated. Those benadryls make me go up too high. Must have an elavil to bring me down. Or a scotch. Despair. Strauss minor opera. My plays are going to be as bizarre as my schizo phrenic dreams. Sheila is such a miscreant. I real ly am on the other side of the globe from her. Oh, Michael, you're being beastly! Feel like killing my self! Everything is hopeless! I suppose she's a victim too. I do love her; she's a pretty little flower. Gays, like blacks, are invisible men. Rain.

Humid. The bartender that Sonny is goofy I might as well not buy clothes I never go anywhere but Shoprite at Birds has AIDS. Blind, meningitis. Don't boys realize they can't put it into each other anymore. Don't they realize that. Feel awful. So at 8:45 a.m. I take three extra elavils. Always the anxiety. The restlessness, the ennui. The boredom, the twisted ness, ambition. Mother saw the Johnnie Walker bottle half-empty. If only I could sleep. So humid again. Modern cantata on the radio. It's driving me mad! Men are talking loud in the garden. Who are they? Dreamt I was in Ashtabula. Ordered a sterling silver letter opener from Geary's in Reverly Hills. Wonder if the UPS guy will be a stud. I need a drink. These painful explosions in my brain. Are they poems? Or just Thanatos? If only, if only I could

Joint Venture AN I NS I DE R ’ S ONE MAN SHOW A r t i s one of t he means t h a t pr i s o n e r s us e t o make t h e i r t i me in c o nf i nement wo r t hwh i 1 e . Some t i me s a man may d e v e l o p a r a r e t a l e n t , whi c h mi ght have gone u n d e t e c t e d had he n e v e r been i n c a r c e r a t e d . W i t h l u c k , he g e t s t he chance to r eveal t hat t a l e n t to a publ i c l a r g e r t han t he men on h i s c e l l b l o c k . T h a t ’ s j u s t t he s c e n a r i o t h a t w i l l be p l a y e d out t h i s surrmer in t he one man show of d r a w i n g s , s k e t c h e s and p r i n t s by JV i n s i d e r J e r r y J ohns t on. Host ing t he show w i l l be t he penpa 1 J e r r y met t h r o u g h t h e J o i n t V e n t u r e program. Over t he c o u r s e of the c or r e s po nde nc e , h i s f r i e n d has encouraged the i n s i d e r , w i t h t h e r e s u 1 t s - - s u c h a s t he p r i n t shown a l o n g s i d e - - t o be di s pl a y e d in the u pc o mi ng s h o w . RFD r e a d e r s i n C h i c a g o and n e a r b y a r e a s a r e i n v i t e d t o a t t e n d t he a r t show, s e t f o r 5 to 10 p. m. on Sat ur day, J u l y 2 5 . The l o c a t i o n i s t h e home o f R o b e r t B e a z l e y , 708 B i t t e r s w e e t , on C h i c a g o ' s Nor t h S i d e . F u r t h e r i n f o r m a t i o n and s t r e e t d i r e c t i o n s a r e a v a i l a b l e from J o i n t V e n t u r e . WHAT

JOINT

VENTURE?

In p r e p a r i n g t h i s q u a r t e r l y news page, i t ’ s easy to f o r g e t t ha t not ever y r eader has s e e n t he p r e v i o u s i s s u e s , and t h a t some may not be aware of J o i n t V e n t u r e ’ s e x i s t e n c e and f u n c t i o n . We'd l i ke to t e l l those people j us t what we a r e and what w e ’ r e a bo u t . J o i n t V e n t u r e i s t he n a t i o n ’ s l a r g e s t penpal s e r v i c e for gay and bi s e x ua l men in p r i s o n . Not o n l y does i t pr ovi de those men with f r i e n d l y c o n t a c t s in the o ut s i de w o r l d , i t a s s u r e s i t s members p r o t e c t ion a g a i n s t the e x pl o i t a t ion which has of t en c h a r a c t e r i z e d p r i s o n cor r espondence in the p a s t . A s c r e e ni ng procedure pr ecedes t he l i s t i n g of " i n s i d e r s " in JV d i r e c t o r y ; and JV s t a f f pr ovi de adv i c e and counsel t o i n s u r e a g a i n s t s c a m s and r i p - o f f s by u n s c r u p u l o u s i n m a t e s . The JV Wa t c h p r o g r a m e x t e n d s t h a t p r o t e c t i o n t o a n y o n e , member or n o t , who c o r r e s p o n d s w i t h p r i s o n e r s or has q u e s t i o n s a bout such c o r r e s po nde nc e . J o i n t V e n t u r e ' s Di s ho nor Ro l l and C a u t i o n F i l e s i ncl ude dat a on many inmates involved in e x p l o i t a t i o n o f t h e g a y c o m m u n i t y . Any one r e c e i v i n g u n s o l i c i t e d c o r r e s p o n d e n c e from a p r i s o n e r may o b t a i n a JV Watch Re p o r t by s ubmi t t i ng his name, number and l o c a t i o n t o J o i n t V e n t u r e , a l o n g wi t h an SASE. We respond to s u c h i n q u i r i e s w i t h i n 48 h o u r s . For a d d i t i o n a l 312/973-3867.

i n f o r m a t i o n , send an SASE to JV a t t he a d d r e s s be l o w, or c a l l

P. O. BOX 2 6 - 8 4 8 4 68

CHICAGO,

60626

Navajos call Hopis "cliff shifters." Just drive by one of the Hopi villages sitting on top of a mesa and note the outhouses perched right at the edge of the mesa and you'll understand why. According to some, Hopis are weak, elitist manipulators known for prac ticing sophisticated forms of witchcraft. They were unable, in times past, to deal with the Navajos in more conventional "traditional ways." So, even though they do not exactly like or approve of the Anglos and their laws certain Hopis have been perfectly willing to "call down" Anglo power on the Navajos to serve Hopi interests. It would seem that Hopis are still Hopis whether addressing the kachinas or representa tives of the federal government.

TRADITION by STEVE ANDERSON Written by a resident of the reservation.

o much has been written about the prob lems facing the Navajos and Hopis em broiled in the Former Joint Use Area controversy I do feel a bit reticent to add any more verbiage. However, I have lived on the Navajo and Hopi reserva tions long enough to be considered an "old timer," albeit a non-native, and I would like to send a mes sage to those people who do not live the reservation experience but are concerned about what is going on here.

Some say the Hopis want the land back so that off re servation Hopis can be encouraged to return home now that there is room for them. Perhaps. Others say that the Hopi Tribe wants to lease the land to coal companies. There are no Hopis there and once the "Head Pounders" have died out or moved out the area would be open for "development." Of course, there are Hopis who would hate to see this happen but th are also many Hopis who realize that the tribe would benefit greatly from the leasing fees. After all, the Navajo Tribe has been leasing their reservation land to energy development concerns for years and earning a great deal of money doing so.

The land in the Former Joint Use Area awarded to the Hopi Tribe by the courts is by tradition (and law) rightfully theirs. Hopis and their direct ancestors have lived here longer than anyone else. Put a couple of thousand (or is it only a few hundred?) Navajos are in fact now living on that land and have been doing so for long enough to qualify as permanent residents. It could be said that the Navajos have been in the process of establishing a tradition of ownership of the land in question. I am reminded of a poem I read many years ago which I believe was written by Carl Sandburg. I am paraphrasing a bit but it went some thing like this:

The Hopis are a small tribe, the Navajosa large one. The Hopisdo not have very much land and the Navajos have a great deal--the Navajos also completely sur round the Hopis. Both groups have a tradition of caring for relatives. Might the Hopis not. expect the Navajos to simply make room for their kinsmen being forced out of the Former Joint Use Area and use Navajo Tribal funds to ease the financial burdens en tailed? This would seem like a reasonable expecta tion. But all of the land on the Navajo reservation is spoken for; vast and empty as it may appear to someone driving through, it is actually terribly overcrowded and the natural resources terribly over taxed. As regards Navajo Tribal funds and how they are spent, many of us, Navajo and non-Navajo resi dents of the reservation alike, would like to under stand better just exactly what does happen to this money and who exactly directly benefits from it.

You, outsider! Go away! This land is mine! There is no room for you! Oh, and who gave the land to you? My father. Who gave it to him? His father. Who gave it to him? He fought for it. I'll fight you for it.

There was once a Shawnee visionary named Tecumseh who labored to create a single nation of all the differ ent Native American groups. He failed. Factions within tribes coupled with long-standing animosities between different groups assassinated Tecumseh’s dream. And, of course, he allied his movement with the losing side in the British-American conflict known as the War of i V ? . More recent activists have tried to unite Native Americans and work towards common goals. They have invariably failed for the same reasons Tecumseh did. The long-suffering, mani pulating Hopis and the obstinate, violent Navajos are both losing. The eventual winners, as usual, will no doubt be the non-Native Americans who are sitting in the weeds waiting for some coal deposits to fall into their hands once a few Navajos have finally dis appeared from the scene. It will take time but it will probably happen, and for all the money garnered through leasing fees by the Hopi Tribe no bitter memories will be bribed into oblivion. The hostility between Head Pounders and Cliff Shitters will be maintained as a true Native American tradition.

Many of the Navajos so vehemently resisting re-location feel that they have no decent alternative home to move to. All things considered, I would tend to agree with them. It would create terrible hardships for those people if they were forced off of the land where they now live. And a great many Hopis say, with a subtle shrug and barely concealed sneer, so what? There is a very long well established tradition of animosity between Navajos and Hopis. Hopis call Navajos "Tusavu"--"Head Pounders," i.e. "killers." According to some, Navajos are crude, even savage. They acquired the land they're living on in the Former Joint Use Area by simply moving in. Navajos were raiders; what they couldn't trade for they took by force if they were able. Now an even bigger bully in the form of the federal government is forcing them off the land they took from the Hopis. Is this not jus tice? Now the fierce warriors stay away from the cameras and the women are seen as defiant but helpless clan mothers defending their homes from the oppressor Anglo. Is this not ironic? 69

Only one moral man stands out: Surgeon General Everett Koop, a born-again Christian whose compassion and commitment to being a health professional over ride his personal beliefs or has caused him to re evaluate them. His stand against other conservatives on the AIDS issue is to be respected and admired. Such morality is rare--a sad commentary on our times. The social psyche of America is more of a "me first," self-absorbed condition than in the l%0s, when such charges were leveled by the right. This self-absorp tion carries no introspection or self-examination, only a search to get ahead in terms of money and status and to seek pleasure in conspicuous consump tion. It's the yuppie syndrome; a 1950s mentality. And, corporate mergers and takeovers rule the economy. Business "morality" is king. Yet there is a widening gap between the poor and the middle class. We no longer care for the under privileged. They are too much of a burden, both financially and mentally. The number of homeless grows to unprecedented proportions.

P @(fad y I mi m

Among farmers in middle America who are losing their farms because of government policies, a rising popu list movement could begin to make a significant political impact in the next few years. They are be ing wooed by both right and left ideologues for their support. It's often a case of who gets their ears first and offers believable solutions as to whom they will follow. Too, the poor and homeless will be necessary to the success of such a movement. This growing body of the disenfranchised will be a major political problem which is very likely to force political change in either direction in the near future.

worn by

STUART NORMAN

Supreme Court Justice Brennan, on the PBS show "The Constitution," recently said America's political pen dulum swings to the right for a while, then to the left. That way, we achieve a balance. It has never swung too far to completely unbalance the system. Is It now time for the leftward swing?

Now is a good time for us to get our message to the people. We can show them what we have in common. Alas, this leaves out conservative gays. But so often the arrows of our political messages don't reach the heart of the American people while the arrows of the right do. We don't communicate in culturally accept ed terms. Those we can change without changing our message. It's time we rethink the way we deliver our messages. We could begin with morality, respect and responsibility--buzzwords that still have emotional impact. But we have to demonstrate these aren't empty words.

The gay movement has had an increasingly hard time gaining civil rights as America moved rightward. And with the double whammy of AIDS and the public's per ception that it is a gay disease, our movement has suffered. Despite these setbacks we have made some gains: repeal of some state sodomy laws, rights to child custody, job discrimination cases decided in our favor. But the political right is working hard to stop us by censorship of sexually related literature--sex education materials and erotica. The recent FCC charges against Los Angeles radio station KPFK for broadcasting Robert Chesley's gay play Jerker clearly demonstrates where the right wants to focus against us. Censorship is their most powerful weapon. Truth is ours.

Another social phenomenon that leads to the possibil ity of the pendulum swinging leftward is the growing '60s nostalgia. We have been through '50s nostalgia and a social mindlessness through the late '70s and early '39s. But these things run in 20 year cycles. There are programs re-examining the "Summer of Love’ in San Francisco in 1967. Social movements and political demonstrations are on the rise. And the biggest event since 1^79 will happen this October 11, when the Gay March on Washington (DC) occurs. I strongly urge you to attend. Plans are underway to help anyone who wants to go. Many faery caravans will be coming from California and other parts of the country. It's time to show the people we are power ful and concerned with the state of the nation. It's time to get politically involved and have some fun in the process. Let's push the pendulum.

Although the current conservative administration is entrenched, still the right hasn't moved all the American people to accept their views. And with the Iran/Contragate and the PTL Club scandals the right is losing ground. They have shown how corrupt their morality is. Morality, nationwide, is at a new low. It seems only to be defined as being against pleasure and sex; proscriptive, rather than positive. The fiasco over Gary Hart's presidential candidacy is a case in point. Meanwhile crime, violence and drug abuse increase demonstrating severe problems with the system. 70

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THE SPIRIT AND THE FLESH: Sexual Diversity in. American Indian Culture by Walter L. Williams Beacon Press, 1244 Brian St., Placentia, CA 92670 344 pp., $21.95 (cloth) Reviewed by Harry Hay [This review first appeared in the Homosexual Infor mation Center Newsletter #38, 6758 Hollywood Blvd., #208, Hollywood, CA 90028. It is reprinted by per mission of the author.]

seeing the forest for the trees. We are told, some times quite engagingly but certainly with monotonous persistence, by both Dr. Williams and his several in formants, that W inhte (among the Lakota), or Bote (among the Crow), or Wadfe (among the Navaho) are sacred persons trained to carry out ritual and cere monial responsibilities vital to the continual well being of their respective communities. But we are never presented with an overview of one of the sacred webs by which one of the societies attempts, as Hamil ton Tyler puts it in his Pueblo Animals and Myths, "to order its world and to esta blish Ma n *s pi ace in it. And thereby be made aware of the sanctity of the con tributed thread patterns or weaves for which the I'ttnkto. or the Bote or the N adlz were venerated by their respective cultures. Here we Gay researchers and scholars should be committing ourselves to serving two prime loyalties instead of the hetero's usual one: we must bring the particular, fresh insights we per ceive through our Gay Window, as they further illumi nate the specifics of our particular study, to the attention of the hetero-oriented academe. And we must marshall all our powers of insight to restore to our often-alienated Gay Indian brothers and sisters what could be their own perceptions of tradition into which Gay vaTues are interwoven--even though this pos sibly may be quite distinct from and even foreign to our usual "white-man" expectations.

The Spirit and the Flesh is a valiant first step in attempting to corral between a single pair of book covers what we know about the berdache. Who were the berdaches? They were Native American males whom ex plorers and missionaries, from the 18th to the 20th century, insisted degraded their sex by stooping to such menial dress and behavior as are suitable only to women. Yeccchhh! That these berdaches could actually be collectively-devoted persons, role-playing fairly sophisticated sacred rituals in the daily lifeprocesses of the villages, were concepts totally be yond the limited comprehension of the Judeo-Christian, God-ridden, European barbarian invaders, and their American descendents. In the spring of 1964, in an essay for ONE Institute Quarterly, #18, this reviewer developed some material discussing aspects of what is currently designated as "gender diversity," relating to culture-hero tales ex tant among the Tewa and Keres people of the Rio Grande Native American pueblos. Dr. Omer Stewart, then An thropology Department Chairman of the University of Colorado at Boulder, acknowledged my essay. He sug gested that the whole puzzling and perplexing muddle surrounding the ceremonial institution of the berdache might benefit from the devotions of a f-x u itlc ip A n tob.6eA.ueA., At the time I was not able to rise to the bait. And now Dr. Williams in his Spirit and the FIesh has nicely filled the gap. But as might be ex pected, most hetero critics from sea to shining sea are carping, where not subtly seething, because the new dimensions Dr. Williams has added to "the doing of homework" establishes criteria they may have trouble following, let alone duplicating.

It is in this area that T feel Dr. Williams' study from time to time loses perspective: the appreciation of how the berdache ceremonial institutions, as various Native American communities conceived and shaped them, were granted space to develop their natural bent as "mediators" between the seen and the unseen, between the heart spaces of persons and the collective's best interests. It is a given universal that cultural communication, not only from one ethnic group to another but equally from one generation to the next, even within a given group, is one-eighth verbal and seven-eighths non-verbal. Dr. Williams, by sharing spiritual as well as physical space for a

In living for a month in the summer of 1982 with an active and practicing I'tin k tz (the sacred ceremonial term for a Native American Lakota ha 1f-man/half-woman) Dr. Williams manages, through extensive interviews, to convey a surprising miscellany of cultural detail. Yet the pressure of time-limit seems to have, at moments, prevented him (and thus, the reader), from, 71

the heretofore scattered, isolated, and largely voiceless traditional remnants of the Native Amer icans met each other. Spurred on by a stunning legis lative victory wrung from an ill-informed Congress by the non-Indian Committee, the Traditionals quickly formed the North American Traditional Indian Unity Movement out of which--with the funding and support of the non-Indian Land and Life Committee, Joan Baez, Judy Collins, the Smothers Brothers, Jackson Browne, Buffy Sainte Marie, and the popular TV announcer Les Crane (to name only a few of the enthusiastic nonIndian supporters)--the now-major Indian newspaper Akwesasne Notes was born in May of 1968. And out of this, in turn, sprang the American Indian Movement (AIM).

summer-month with a Lakota OJ-inkte. acquaintance tells the sensitive reader how to put himself into an al most one-to-one contact with the ivakan, the sanctity which the O.Unkte. feels about himself. But in assur ing us that in this single month he--Dr. Williams, white man--was prepared by his bU nktz friend to engage in a VwJ-Lpi ceremony, a Sun Dance and a Vision Quest (which became so private an experience that in con sequence he can't share further), the contextual, non verbal seven-eighths of the communication is suddenly snatched out of our reach. It's a little bit like someone telling us that we needn't bother to read any of the well-known expositions about Catholicism, or how an inquiring layman should perceive Catholicism in relation to himself, because he lived with a Catholic teenager who was preparing for Confirmation, and so "was able to get the whole scoop!" One might become suspicious that the seven-eighths of the Lakota spiritual communication turned out, for Dr. Williams, to be equally out of reach.

One of the early excitements of the Native American Revival came during the first part of 1967 when the Mez>z>engeA, using my office as his address, even as the Land and Life Committee used our little manu factory as their headquarters and the traditional In dians' home-away-from-home, received a letter from the Lakota traditional John Fire, who, four years later, would publish under his traditional Vision Quest name Lame Deer. In the letter he said that a V iM ipi. ceremony had just been performed on the Lakota Reservation for the first time in thirty-five years. (So pervasive was the homophobia that most Indians had been forced to adopt in the sixty-year suppres sion of Indian tradition by the U.S. government that John Fire couldn't bring himself to admit until 1971 that the reason the ceremony could finally be held once again was because the two ceremonially-trained WZnkte (absolutely mandatory to the ritual) who had been secretly trained underground by old grandfathers and grandmothers had once again appeared in the village. If anything, The Spirit and the FIesh dustjacket should say that it was that post-Stonewall Gay liberation may have been sparked by the immense ex citement generated on TV by the counterculture's love affair with the traditional Indian movement--not the other way around.

In this general area there are two errors wh1ch--if quickly rectified as they so urgently require to be-might help bring Dr. Williams' thesis into perspec tive. First, the blurb on the dust-jacket says: "Only today, because of a cultural renaissance among modern Indians and as a consequence of the rise of gay liDeration,~Has the berdache’tradition been ex periencing a rebirth" (my emphasis added). This is simply not true. The young Mohawk, who happened to be at Shungopavi (Second Mesa) in 1951 when the Traditional Hopi Elders finally received the longforetold sequence of Spirit-signs which instructed them to begin revealing their ancient prophecies to our spiritually-endangered world, conceived as his own Vision Quest the responsibility to visit every reservation and see if any of the old Traditionals-long driven underground by the federal combination of fundamentalist Christian mission schools, Bureau of Indian Affairs starvation tactics, and constant threats of federal Imprisonment to obliterate Indian spirituality and generally demoralize the people (somewhat cursorily described in The Spirit and the FIesh)--stil1 survived. The Mohawk did indeed find many of them hiding deep and remote in the wilderness es attending upon many reservations. Each of these "survivors of the spirit" was convinced that he might be the only one of their kind left.

The second major error of Dr. Williams' study is the failure of the author to comprehend how much he need ed to thoroughly master the seven-eighths non-verbal values of the day-in/day-out life of spirit which characterizes Native American village and pueblo life processes, an appreciation of which usually takes most students several years of intimate daily confrontation in order to internalize. In talking about Gay-iden tified persons in the village, Dr. Williams totally ignores the candid opinions of the Native American people whom he quotes on pages 217-218 and myriad other places in his text: "I don't think they are really WinhXeA because they have no spirituality." Dr. Williams seems not to appreciate the fact that it was the ritual life-process observed and evaluated by the 16th, 17th, 18th, and 19th century God-driven explorers which gave rise to the categorical epithets of "sodomite," hermaphrodite," and "berdache" in the first place. When Coronado came to Zuni in 1540, his Jesuits didn't see "Gay" men, they saw lhama-ona. In Zuni, ona translates to "is being" or "one who is being" thaman. The Zuni word lhaman is sacred and has not been translated. Lhama-ona was translated in the 1950s as "is being like a woman." Since "woman" in Zuni is oka, we'd give a pretty to know what that respondent really said because there is no possibility of a word in Zuni for "transvestite," and since ob viously Ihama or lhamana has to do with something quite other than woman, or even woman-like.

Finding them and ministering to those who needed it, and bringing them the Hopi Prophecy revelations, took the M&iAengci, as he has always chosen to be known, a torturous and perilous fifteen years. In sequence, he then prevailed upon KPFK, of the Pacifica Radio Foun dation, and Peter Bergman (the station's Countercul ture Wizard of Oz, and, what became the Firesign theater) to help him bring these embattled Tradition alists to share with the white man tribes, as the Flower Children of the 1960s counterculture saw them selves, at a Colloquium in Los Angeles in March of 1967. The Colloquium quickly became the Committee for Traditional Indian Land and Life, a huge group of non-Indians learning to operate by consensus (in spired by a gueet, namely this reviewer) and acting under the guidance of the Traditional Hopi Elders: Rolling Thunder of the Shoshonis, Calvin Rube of the Hurok, Janet McCloud of the Nisqually, Beman Logan of the Seneca, and Mad Bear Anderson of the Tuscarora. Both of the latter tribes were members of the SevenNation-Federation of the Iroquois. But the prime achievement of the Colloquium was that 72

LaSalle and Marquette weren't seeing "Gay" men when they observed the a ija ’ kvM of the Fox, or the Bote o f the Crow. They saw ceremonial persons whom they categorized as berdache performing the life-processes wh1ch--largely driven underground in the 20th century by U.S. government agents and missionaries--are only now beginning to return. Yet Dr. Williams wants to call every Gay Indian he meets, whether in the Dance Plaza or in the pages of Edmund White's States of Desire, either a berdache, or by the term applied to the ceremonially-trained function sacred to his tribe.

d i s may, c o n f u s e and even d e f e a t Gay Indian brothers a n d s i s t e r s l o n g i n g , y e t t e r r i f i e d , to go h o m e .

All that being said, The Spirit and the FIesh is a vast compendium of gaily-related information, chocka-block full of new anthropological notions to ex plore, and of old academic confusions to clean up. The book does contain some unexpected gems. Plates IX and X are previously uncirculated photographs of the Zuni Lhama-ona We-Wha: plate IX was discovered in the National Archives in Washington D.C., by in dependent researcher Will Roscoe, editor of the Gay American Indian Anthology soon to be published, pur suing his brilliant investigation into the spiritual roots and horizons of the Zuni berdache--or lhama-ona --institution in terms of Indian values. Plate X, Roscoe discovered at the Southwest Museum at Los Angeles classified merely as "Children with their Teacher in front of the schoolroom at Zuni." Rosco immediately recognized the adult standing in the middle as We-Wha. Why the teacher--clearly standing by the doorway at the right of the picture--has been cropped out here is not explained.

In Native American values this is not permissible. The reigning Queen Mother of the extant Gays at HupaWeitchpek was Frank Colegrove who had returned from being a Hollywood hairdresser in 1974. Known at Hupa as Fada, Colegrove had revived the traditional Brush and Kick Dances, and was serving also as Tribal War Chief. Neither he nor Jerry Baldy— referred to several times as berdaches by Dr. Wi11iams--had been ceremonially trained as WegeAn. My great friend among the Tewa people whom Edmund White identified in his book as Arnie, and who was my source for the Tewa ceremonial term kivth-doh (old woman/man), may have been one of the best versed persons in his pueblo when it came to ceremonial minutiae. He would never have used kioih-doh (the ceremonial pueblo equivalent of berdache) to describe himself because, indeed, he had never been so trained. Though his pueblo had al ways been known as one of the stiff-necked ones, training young Gay boys in the kielh-doh tradition might well have been discontinued in the years 1926 to 1932, when the federal government clapped the Sacred Men of Taos Pueblo into prison trying to force them to convert to Christianity. From there on, any such trainings were simply allowed to drop away. Claude Levi-Strauss had observed that the Tewa Society is divided into two classifications. Accord ing to Alfonso Ortiz, one classification is the general or the "Dry Foods People." The other class ification is the "Made People," the Patotoa, or those who have been ceremonially trained to life-long spiritual responsibilities.

Dr. Williams' Spirit and the Flesh^ Is, for all its faults, clearly a giant step Tn the direction of enabling--perhaps even empowering--heteros to see Gay people as we wish to be seen, and hearing Gay people as we wish to be heard. Without a doubt it is a book no serious library or scholar can be without.

WALKS AND RAMBLES ON THE DELMARVA PENINSULA: A Guide for Hikers and Naturalists by Jay Abercrombie Backcountry Publications, P.0. Box 175, Woodstock, Vermont 05091 1Q5 pp. , $8.95 (paperback) Reviewed by Michael J. LoFumo The swollen neck of land caressed on the west by the Chesapeake and its tributaries is also gently as saulted on the east by the pounding of the Atlantic and the rolling of Delaware Bay. This is an area bathed in the many and varied sounds of nature--the Impetuous honk-honking of migrating waterfowl, the sharp yet soothing patters of saltspray on maritime oakleaves, the unbridled pounding of the surf upon moonbathed beaches and the bucolic pastorale of silk en sunsets on the rolling horizon--this is the Delmarva Peninsula.

There is another class of spiritually-responsible people among the Tewa, the Tom-E, who are appointed from the ranks of the "Dry Foods People" for a year by the life-long Caciques of the summer and winter' Moities. Arnie had often served as Toioa-E. The rest of the Edmund White story, quoted by Dr. Williams several times for its separate elements, is equally garbled. The young Anglo professor that Edmund White used as his source-contact was introduced to Arnie by this reviewer at Christmas 1975. I doubt the pro fessor ever actually saw a Harvest Dance. (I think he only mis-heard about it from Arnie and me.) Arnie would never have performed the mock-marriages. Only "Made People" like the K 'o t ta (the Winter Clowns), could do that. My old non-Gay friend Lorenzo Aguino Performed that ceremony with his K'o6t>a crucifix, which I now have. And I didn't know of any K'oAAa among the Tewa, or K'oihaAe among the ‘■'eres, who were even Gay let alone kwlh-doh (therefore, also "Made People"). Dr. Williams also quotes this reviewer as having said at one point in the 1970s that three of the pueblo governors were berdache, and therefore, "Made People." But political officers must come from the "Dry Foods People" and never from the "Made People." There were, and still are, many Tewa "Dry Foods People" who are Gay, but insofar as I know, on ly two of the Tewa Pueblos had resumed kivth-doh training by 1980. It is errors like these which may

Jay Abercrombie's book, Walks and Rambles on the Delmarva Peninsula, is an excellent guide to the many treasures of the area and will satisfy the needs of its strangers and bedfellows alike--Abercrombie writes from experience, and his facts, impressions, and recorrmendatlons are well-grounded. This book is arranged by region: The North, Chesa peake Bav, Delaware Bay/Atlantic Ocean. Each region al discussion is focused on specific locations and gives advice on what to see, what to do, what to bring and how to get there. My favorite spot--Pea Patch Island--serves as a class ic example of the way culture and nature are entwined throughout Delmarva. As a kid, I visited Pea Patch Island to see the great fortress that housed this "Andersonville of the North" during the war between 73

the states. I remember tracking down Walter Wissowatty, the postmaster/ferry operator who transported us across the Delaware. I also remember the deep moat, and dark passageways of the massive fortifica tion. What I do not recall are any sights of the vast number of egrets that roost on the island. Now, twenty years later, I am able to follow Aber crombie's precise directions to the lookout and view the intense energy of the rookery. Having read his discussion of the fort's century and a half history, I can appreciate the reasons why this area, isolated from predators by the river and protected from humans by its long state ownership, is such a successful roosting and nesting area. If the book could be improved in any aspect, it would be in the depth of naturalistic thinking it exhibits. As an example, Abercrombie takes nearly a paragraph to describe phragmites, a tall marsh reed that grows at Pea Patch Island. He discusses its appearance, methods of growth, seasonal changes, and expansive be havior. What he fails to tell us is that phragmites, unchecked, will take over entire marshes in just a few years; that this plant monopolizes diverses ecologic communities, replacing valuable foodsources and nesting sites; and that phragmites, itself, is not used for food or shelter by the marsh residents. Nevertheless, this guide provides an integrated refer ence for the amateur naturalist that combines informa tion about, plants, birds, rocks, soils, and even a smattering of local culture--all set in a regional context. It would, however, greatly be enhanced by indexing. rhe listing of hike lengths and times to gether with USGS quad references are especially helpI hope more books will emerge which integrate the varied natural sciences for better understanding and appreciation of regional landscape.

For twenty years Rose had been a copy editor possessed of the rare capacity to sit all day in a small cubicle, like a monk in a cell, and read with an almost penitential rigor. In moments of tension she calmed herself by thinking up synonyms: feel, em pathize, sympathize; rage, fulminate, fly off the handle; mollify, placate, calm. It was an instinct to put the world in order that powered her, as sitting at her desk she put sentences in order, mending split infinitives and snipping off dangling par ticiples, smoothing away the knots and bumps until the prose before her took on a sheen, like perfect caramel, (p0 5) The power Rose commanded at work escaped her at her home where she and her husband Owen are being forced out of their rent-controlled apartment because the building was going co-op. Her only child, 25-yearold Philip, "came-out" at college but has only now summoned the power necessary to "come-out" to his parents. Rose is understandably shocked by that knowledge about her son but then to find out that her husband has "twenty-seven years of secrets, Rose. Things I've kept bottled up my whole life." "he conflict between Mother, Gay Husband, Gay Son (and Gay Son's lovers), is, in a flippantly concise paragraph, the story of The Lost Language of Cranes. But my dear, there is SO very much more. I quote John Preston's review in the Nov. 25 Advocate, p. 52: The Lost Language of Cranes is a masterpiece of contemporary insight. Its structure is brilliant; its author's voice is beautifully searching. . . . Every gay reader should enter into this small world that David Leavitt has created to see just how much it has to tell you about your own. Preston also apologizes, as do I, that a review cannot do justice to this fine work. The story that lends the book its name is so eloquent that it still brings tears to my eyes. David Leavitt creates "echoes in my mind."

THE LOST LANGUAGE OF CRANES "by DavTJ Leavitt. Alfred A. Knopf, 201 E 50th St., New York, NY 319 pp., $17.95 (cloth)

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Reviewed by Raphael Sabatini After a while the fish stopped beating at the wire and started circling slowly again. The old man was gaining line steadily now. But he felt faint again. He lifted some sea water with his left hand and put it. on his head.

BUDDIES by Ethan Mordden St. Martin's Press, 175 Fifth Ave., NY, NY 240 pp., $16.95 (clothbound)

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Reviewed by Allen Smalling

That phrase illustrates what Stanley Cooperman de scribes as Hemingway's ability to create an "Echo in the Mind."I

I can't imagine anyone who would dislike this book, except perhaps someone who hates both gays and fine comedic writing. Buddies is a collection of essayistic short stories that can be read alone (some of them were in fact published in Christopher Street and one of them, "Hardhat," appears in the excellent Men on Men anthology), but together make up a kind of loosely structured comic novel.

I am NOT so bold as to say that Oavid Leavitt is "OUR'' gay Hemingway; but, still, see if you FEEL an "echo in [yourl mind" from the following description of Philip’s mother:

Contemporary gay humor is typified by glib wit of the one-liner kind and (more rarely) a humor that grows out of character and situation. Mordden excels at both styles. He will keep you laughing with the one-

- from The Old Man and the Sea, by Ernest Hemingway

DNCB is a legal, cheap, readily available drug which shows promise in treating AIDS by stimulating the immune system. A healthy reaction is similar to poison oak at the place of application. Richard operates a guerilla DNCB clinic, one of over 30 in the nation. He has also helped PWA's bring back Ribavirin and Isoprinosine from Mexico where they are legal.

liners even as he manages to evoke resonant humor when his characters confront such gay bugaboos as $&M, snobbery, hustling, incest, and the real toughies--getting along with your family and getting along with straights. Although the social situations and attitudes portrayed here are typically metropolitan and specifically New Yorkish, listen carefully and you'll find that most Mordden characters come from small towns. This book is highly recommended no matter where you live.

Richard would also like to defend "sport fucking" and promiscuity. He says, "It's not who you do it with, it's what you do," referring to AIDS guidelines which suggest reducing the number of sexual partners. But that won't work what with perhaps 501! of gay men carrying the virus unless safe sex is practiced. Then you can have as many partners as you wish. Richard suggests joining a sex club of like minded individuals into specific practices--JO, S&M, etc., or form one with your friends. And he does recommend networks of fuck-buddies so you know your partners, not only for health reasons, but to have friendships and caring--members of a tribe.

IN THE HEAT OF PASSION by Richard Locke Computronics Publications, 360 Castro *2, San Fran cisco, CA 94114 $6.00 (paperback, spiralbound) Reviewed by Stuart Norman

In the Heat of Passion is also offered on the Folsom Computer Bulletin Board at (415) 821-4497 (300/1200 baud). Those who receive the book by this method are asked to send him $6.

Richard Locke is the well-known gay porno movie star featured in such films as the Joe Gage trilogy-"Kansas City Trucking Co.," "El Paso Wrecking Corps," and "LA Tool and Die"--and nine others. In 1984 his lover, Allan, died of AIDS, and Richard started on a safe-sex campaign that led the porno movie industry to blacklist him.

LETTERS FROM A GREAT UNCLE AND OTHER STORIES by Richard Ha 11 Grey Fox Press, San Francisco 163 pp., $7.95 (paperback)

Last year, he self-published a book which presents his thinking on hot and healthy sex practices. Richard is not a writer, a fact he will readily admit, so the book is marred by poor sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation. The third printing, just coming out, should correct some of these problems. Yet in his forthright, conversational tone, Richard gets his points across clearly.

Reviewed by Aaron Cohen When this book arrived for review, I was just at the two-thirds mark in my traversing of Proust's Remem brance of Things Past (in English). It seemed 1 Ike no accident that the feature piece in it focuses on a reminiscence of a great-uncle's life, since one of the principal characters in the French work is an avuncu^r figure who is also gay.

His basic messages are about how to make safe sex hot and fun. He calls it "sensible sex" because many practices, except JO, are not perfectly safe. And his most controversial points call into question the AIDS prevention or "risk reduction guidelines" of the SF AIDS Foundation, Bay Area Physicians for Human Rights and the New York Gay Men's Health Crisis. Richard says "these guidelines are killing people." If you're HIV positive, even kissing or especially sucking an un-rubbered cock could expose you to another virus such as Cytomegalovirus, herpes, or Epstein-Barr which could further compromise your immune system, pushing it over the threshold to full-blown AIDS.

While it should be said that Richard Hall has not quite matched Marcel Proust in aspiration and accom plishment, it is freely admitted that comparison 1s foolish, for Hall comes off most satisfactorily, even admirably. His use of fact in this fiction is most impressive in re-creating a recent past. Uncle Harris, like his true-to-life incarnation, was 72 when he died in 1936, when the author was only 10 years old. Get ting th( lowdown on how he had survived during a muc' less tolerant era (much of it contemporaneous with Proust's character) and the reconstruction of his thoughts and feelings have been done most convincing ly. "Letter from a Great-Uncle" works extremely well at its own level, and I only hope my own gay uncle will be served as meritoriously (or even I, as a gay great-uncle).

However, he does support sucking and fucking with con doms providing certain hygenic precautions are taken. He details a number of these in the book--from body scrubs to using Aloe Vera gel to soothe and heal the anus and rectum. There are many good holistic suggestions for AIDS pre vention and discussions of alternative treatments for ARC/AIDS. But Richard does advocate taking the HIV antibody test so you'll know if you've been exposed to the virus. Then you can take appropriate steps toward prevention. Or, if you're afraid to take the test or live in a state in which your confidentiality can't be assured, you could take a DNCB (dinitrochlorobenzene) treatment which reaction would demonstrate the state of your immune system.

There are seven other stories in this volume, all of them smoothly told and up to a standard that is ex pected from Richard Hall. They make for nutritious reading that will, as my own gay uncle would say, put hair where you want it.

B e y o nd EXPLANATION? Remarkable Accounts About Celebr11ies Who Have Witnessed the Supernatural by Jenny Randles Bantam Rooks , Inc., 666 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10103 204 pp., $3.50 (paperback)

own interior turbulence, and have reached a critical turning point in their lives by the end of the day of bad weather which the novel chronicles. Historical allusions to the 1956 Hungarian revolution, a blow for freedom by the Hungarian people, add further sym bolic overtones to Watershed.

Reviewed by Numa Pillion

Rees tells his story well, and his characters have a quiet credibility and depth. Nick and David's coming out process, as each seeks acceptance (and sometimes encounters rejection) from family and friends, is especially poignant, since it occurs at a time when gayness is little accepted and self-doubt is seemingly unavoidable: that the two young men do find their way to self-respect (and to one another!) against such odds is the inspiration of the story. Watershed is a wel1-written, carefully crafted novel.

This is a book I expected would be my cup of tea; but after reading several chapters I began skipping words, then lines, then paragraphs. It seemed all too familiar and not overly fascinating durinq this period of my life. The author has written about the supernatural, which I found fascinating thirty-five years ago. The drawback then was that most examples of the supernatural were of incidents that had taken place many years previous ly. This author manages to bring the subject up to date by including names of celebrities from our pres ent and recent past, i.e. Elvis Presley, John Lennon, James Dean, etc. We are told that the composer Henry Mancini feels he may be the incarnation of the great composer Giuseppi Verdi. I doubt if a book has been written on spiritualism that doesn't mention that Arthur Conan Doyle, the famous author of Sherlock Holmes, was interested in spiritualism and had been one of its ardent supporters. This author is no exception. T do not wish to conclude there is no place for this book in today's literary public, for there are always new people growing up and reaching for understanding of the spiritual equation behind this physical facade. The daily newspapers print articles telling of the percentage of people who have had supernatural ex periences, some who have seen their departed loved ones, in some instances even speaking to them. Others tell of their near death experiences. Unfortunately the human being has forgotten that spirit is the primary essence. It is believed that matter is the primary essence. Without faith, or an open mind, it takes a personal glimpse into the super natural to convince some there is more to life than meets the human eye. Or one can read a book like this author has written. It is not the ultimate an swer by far, but it is a step. Some will put this book down; but the ones who listen to their inner voice will read this book and take their first step, for there will be another step to take, and another, and another.

THE CONFESSIONS OF DANNY SLOCUM by George Whitmore Grey Fox Press, P.0. Box 31190, San Francisco, CA 94131 216 d d ., $7.95 (paperback) Reviewed by Ken of Triangle Farm The reading of this novel is the beginning of a new friendship. By the last page you will want to phone Danny for a chat, or drinks, and a date. The author has woven the reader into the day to day details of not only Danny's, but his friends', lives. Into this detail he brings Danny's inability to perform with another person, and subsequent sex-therapy sessions. Danny becomes universal in the problems with parents and his gayness, then is personalized at the death of h1s father. Even though the book was set in pre-AIDS gay culture, Danny's attitudes and zest are undoubtedly carried over to today. His casual sex partners and even his therapy relationship with Joe show how vulnerable Danny is and how much he needs human closeness. The low point, if there is one, is the ending. "It's over, we both know it." After all that the reader and Danny have been through it just isn't enough. As the author states in his afterword, "Danny is a sur vivor," and so should the reader be, because in Danny and his friends, we all see a little of us, surviving. This is a good novel that should be a part of your library, because you will read it not once, but several times, each time taking away more about Danny, and yourself.

WATERSHED by DavTcTRees Knights Press, p .0. Box 454, Pound Ridge, NY 156 pp., $7.95 (paperback)

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Reviewed by Richard Oloizia Written by British novelist David Rees, Watershed tells the story of young gay cousins Nick and David as they struggle to come of aqe and to come to terms with their gayness and with one another. The novel is set in London in 1956, and the carefully drawn setting, foggy, dark, rainy, and stormy, figures importantly in the story. Nick and David are both beset by their

TAORMINA photographs by Wilhelm von Gloeden Twelvetrees Press, P.0. Box 188, Pasadena, CA unpaged, $50.00 (cloth)

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Reviewed by Lloyd Hillman Baron Wilhelm von Gloeden, German photographer (born 1856, died 1931), began in his mid-thirties to photo graph the young men of Taormina, a town in Sicily. This book, handsomely made and worth its $50.00 price, reproduces ninety-five of his photographs.

Richard Summerbell of Toronto's Body Politic is the compiler of Abnormally Happy. He has given his read ers a collection of short, droll, dead-pan definitions of terms common to the gay experience. (For example GWM is "'gay white masturbator' - a person so pale and desperate that he resorts to classified advertis ing.") Illustrated by simple line drawings, Summerbell's dictionary provides light, entertaining read ing. Its bright, glossy lavender cover helps make it a good coffee table book.

“he Si.b;ect 'S almost always the mi,1c male body, graced.1 , coarse, delicate, muscular. Most of the young men gaze at the viewer or at nothing with dark serious eyes, and the gaze (and the pose) sometimes carries sexual overtones. The homoerotic appeal is unmistakeable, so it comes as no surprise to read in the book's concluding note that Mussolini's fascists destroyed much of Gloeden's work after his death, calling it "pornography." Gloeden is fond of recalling classical antiquity, Greek and Roman, in his photographs, and some of the young men are draped in tunics or posed with props. It is difficult to take this aspect of the work seriously. Roland Barthes, in an essay printed in this book, labels the Baron's photographs "kitsch": "Kitsch implies recognition of an elevated esthetic level . . . but adds what might be considered bad taste . . . with no irony, it appears [Gloeden] ac cepts any worn-out legend as a genuine article."

THE DALLAS TITANS GET READY FOR BED by Karla Kuskin illustrated by Marc Simont Harper & Row, 10 E 53rd St., Mew York, NY 42 pp., $11.95 (clothbound) Reviewed by Raphael Sabatini

True enough, but the photographs are so rich and mov ing that even the classical props do not usually seriously detract. Gloeden's work combines depth and mystery with frank realism, and one senses that he loved not only these young men's bodies but also their souls.

DYKES TO WATCH OUT FOR by Al ison Bechdel Firebrand Books, 141 The Commons, Ithaca, NY 78 pp., $6.95 (paperback)

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Going to bed is often a very routine happening. How ever, add the prospect of doing so with 45 "hunky" professional football players--wel1 , dear hearts, the geometric possibilities of that are simply AWESOME! While I was innocently (if possible) scanning the New York Times Book Review for possible library selec tions, I came across ¥ review of Kuskin's little book. The review was glowing so I proceeded to order the book for my own personal library. How glad I am that I did. The Dallas Titans Get Ready for Bed is a wonderful , straightforward cute little story about how 46 footbaTl piayers exit the field after a BIG win, get up beat congratulations from their female owner, are promised a tremendous party when they win the BIG game next Sunday, and get Instructions from their coach to shower and go directly home to bed because they must be at practice early the next day.

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MEATMEN: AN ANTHOLOGY OF GAY MALE COMICS edited by Winston Ley!and Gay Sunshine Press, P.0. Box 40397, San Fran cisco, CA 94140 191pp., $10.95 (paperback)

They collectively and individually grumble and com plain but they slowly lead the reader through a strip tease. First their very sweaty and muddy jerseys, their padding, the offense players’ silky gloves, numerous T-shirts, shoes, pants that lace in the front, jockstraps with the plastic protective cups in side and their shoes and socks. When naked, "Stand ing in the showers without their uniforms and padding, [they] look like small wet whales."

ABNORMALLY HAPPY: A GAY DICTIONARY by Richard Summerbe11 (illustrated by Paul Aboud) New Star Books, 2504 York Avenue, Vancouver, British Columbia, V6K 1E3 66pp., $4.95 (paperback) Reviewed by Richard Oloizia All three of these collections provide excellent samples of gay and lesbian wit and humor.

"After the Titans have showered they put on street clothes." They go home, have snacks, put on pajamas, and "as they sleep they dream. They dream about miles of tape and padding. They dream about running and winning forever. They dream about socks and Sun day afternoons. Sunday afternoon, that's the big game."

Bechdel's Dykes to Watch Out For is undoubtedly the most clever and amusing of the three. Her well-drawn cartoons are reminiscent of Nicole Hollander's "Syl via," and they bristle with affectionate satire for the nuances of lesbian life. The combination of good graphics and genuinely appealing humor makes Dykes to Watch Out For enjoyable, insightful reading.

This is clearly a children's book for children or for the child in all of us. The illustrations by Marc Simont are soft and expressive. The players do in deed look like "small wet whales." I felt the book was a delightful non-sex1st story about professional football players (other Kuskin books include The Philharmonic Gets Dressed, What Did You Bring M e , The Bear Who Saw Spring, etc.T 1 strongly recommend this 1ittle book for all children both big and small.

Meatmen contains the efforts of 28 different cartoon ists, with an excellent introduction that details the history of gay cartooning since the 1940s. The car toons vary quite widely: pornographic as well as political, banal as well as bawdy, amateurish as well as accomplished. Works of well-known gay cartoon artists, for example the Advocate's Donelan, are in cluded, as well as those of more obscure cartoonists. The overall effect of Meatmen is irreverently ripe, raunchy, and refreshing. 77

panion/lover who coants to s e t t le down and build a l i f e for two; free o f butts k it , games, etc. A l i f e whottij contrived on love, work, and play. I'm not Into boys, drugs, or pain. Am into homelife, tig h t buns, Smooth hairless bodtzs, kissing and cuddling. I'm looking for nzw friends as wztl as a possiblz lovz. I'm healthy, activ e, a ttra ctiv e. Lovz pretty boys as wztl as gentle mzn. I lovz music, photography and writing. U til answer a ll , esp ec ia l ly those who enclose a joix. My lovz to a l l brothers!

HA.

RFD prints contact letters free of charge. We also provide a free forwarding ser-' vice for readers who prefer to not pub lish their address. Donations, however, are greatly appreciated. We ask that your letters be brief (under 200 words) and positive in stating your preferences. Saying 'no' to a parti cular trait or characteristic may unnecessarily offend a brother. RFD can assume no responsibility for claims made in the letters, and we urge correspondents to exercise caution especially with any financial dealings. For responses from prisoners, we advise contacting Joint Ven ture, PO Box 26-8484, Chicago, IL 60626, before replying.

CONTACT Dear RFD Readers, I'm Jim, a 30 year old gay white male, transplanted to the Virgin Islands eleven years ago from rural Pennsylvania. The purpose of this le t t e r is (/) to obtain penpals to help a lle v ia te the boredom and loneliness of living on a 13-mile-long tropical island, and (2) to o ffe r myself as a tour guide, host, and maybe a b it of hot body contact {which is a rare luxury here !). I ’m 5' 5" t a l l , 140 lb s ., lig h t brocon hair, green eyes, trim bear'd, hairy, and (40 I ’ve been told) cute. I ’d lik e to hear from anyone, any where, under 35 who might be in terested in writing to a Virgin (Islander ) who's a l i t t l e lonely and a whole tot horny! I lead an alcohol and drug-free l i f e , though I ’m not "preachy" about i t , and am a busy profession al, but not too busy for a friend. How about you? Let's be friends!

Write and t e l l me about you. En close a photo i f you have one randy, but i f not, I can wait. Who knows what might happen? You never w ill unless you write! Greetings from the Caribbean, Jim Moon Golden Karat Drake's Passage St. Thomas U.S. Virgin Islands

00801*I

Country boy seeks warm loving friends into loving, caring, cuddliyig and gentle coarm sex. I'm GUM, 40's, 6 f t . 4 in. t a l l , 225 l b s ., masculine, gentle, mature, responsible. I'm into camping, long coalks, the outdoors, music, quiet times, quiet talks and much more. I liv e alone in a small, town in MU Massachusetts. My work makes i t im possib le to travel much; but you're welcome to come v is it me. I'm particularly in terested in find ing one slender, young friend!com78

Gene Hartman 89 Massachusetts Avenue Box 179 Boston, MA 02115

Vear Readers I am a cleancut 26 year old, who is considered very a ttra ctiv e, never th eless, I ’m s t i l l sin gle. I have not made much o f an e f f o r t to meet anyone, since la te ly I've been busy. I liv e in N.V.C. where gay l i f e is fa s t paced and fa ir ly d iffic u lt for meeting people. I am finishing a degree in Biology and Philosophy, rather la t e for I have worked and traveled about the coorid. I would enjoy meeting a man around my age who enjoys both the sea and forest. Someone who is s e ttle d down or thinking about i t . I f there are any lone wolves coho enjoy solitu de but who fe e l, perhaps an unexplained, desire for a mate this lone wolf would l ik e to be considered. I be lie v e I have a good and healthy mind and I keep in good shape. I enjoy c la s s ic a l Rock n Roll, Jazz and Renaissance Court Music. I l ik e to scuba dive and hike. I am a b it of a loner, but I think I would be loy a l and a friend to another. Send l e t t e r and photograph i f possible. Thank you. V. Tenny 52 Concord St. Jersey City, WJ 07306

Hi there, again! I'm not thinking of casting you in a m ulti-m illion d ollar movie, SO what you look lik e has rela tiv ely l i t t l e importance [except for gross obesity, and beard; and—who knows? --th e la t t e r I may even learn to l ik e . . . or motivate you to shave

7 am a hard worker, ta ll, healthy, lean, and strong, as well as a host learner, and would hope to be oh help in building, harming, cooking, etc. 7 have a wide range oh in terests,

i t o66 . . .) Who you core, your in terests, youA personaliiy, your temperament, are the deciding f,actors. 7 have very {,ew 6&a.t no's: drugs, cigar -smoking, uncontrollable gambling, heavy delinking. I am open-minded, v ersa tile, cool-

headed, easy-going, looking p ri marily her someone tvho might toant to share lihe. with me— therehore, I'm not in terested in phone jlo or pen pals only. 7 hope you are l i k e wise, not trying to get a mate the way one orders a car h^am the ifau:tory--even then you may, as i t hap pened to me, get not exactly what was ordered . . . Then, you eith er accept what you got or wait hor the next shipment . . . Give i t a try with a guy named Gconge

H59-9Q' p/ i

Edison, NJ 08817-4669

Gay man, background in psychology, education, administration, seeks partner or patron in development oh a rural residence center h°r older persons. Emphasis to be placed on selh-maintenance and wellness, h o listic concepts. Will work in existing community, too. 7h you are Interested, please write to: Frank E. Grant NAVSAP, FSC-NSA VET FPO New Vork, NY 09522

Vear RFV Readers: Hi. My name is John. 1 am an honest, young-hearted man oh 33, oh independent and s elh -relia n t s p ir it, setting out by van this Summer on a personal odyssey around the country. 7 would appreciate the opportunity to v is it other gay men who have chosen to liv e on the land by them selves or in groups and are search ing hor a greater sense oh whole ness and s p ir it, by whatever name.

hrom carpentry to dance, heal ing to sign language, h^om cooking to jogging. 7 am good company, a thoughthul man with a sense oh humor, and not nearly as serious as this le t t e r sounds. Wishing you a l l ■the best, John G. oh NYC c/o RFV dear haerie s p ir its under a h°ol moon i write this verse extending an invitation to a ll who traverse, across these planes, be they ordinary, perverse or insane . . . i am here to share my mirth; the joy oh being here on earth; and weaving the magic oh visions beyond here, held dear; ar dreams oh connecting without hear. be this space a spiritu al retrea t, hor the pilgrim to rest the heart and htet, or be i t h^ntasy saloon oh erotic cremations to gay-ze upon, or could i t be "museum oh dada and the absurd," a l l depends upon the world you m aterialize, whatever, i oh her This giht h0/l your eyes and heart and mind to come, l e t i t be b elt, we are one! a rt- hoo ily , glenn oh Trees gnome de plume c/o RFV Vear RFVers, There is_ gay lih e in the Adirondacks--one oh the special, places in North America. 7 liv e in the geo graphic center oh the Park near the high peaks. Would lik e to hear hrom others in the region (N.E. NY, lIT, NH) both residents and v isito r s . Looking hofL companionship and per haps a sp ecial person to share lih e with. 7 ’m 41, brown hair, blue eyes, 5* 11", 160 lb s. 7 l ik e s k i ing, likin g , photography, vege table gardening, trav el, reading, camping, music, the beach, trains, h-ireplaces, dancing, cooking, h^hing, some sports and theater amo^o other things. Your ■> ■■ .a "s m- ■>?.. R. Masters Neivcomb, NY 128 52 79

Hey hellow RFVers! 7 speak to you hrom upstate New Vork, my name is Ron and 7 wish Vd been a part oh the RFV homily soon er. We really are lucky to have this unusual altern ate press Gay magazine. 7 am 29, healthy, young looking, and lonely. I ’ve been seriously searching hor a lover h°* less than a year now (March 28th, ’87} and this is my second ad ever. 7 love exotic plants and green houses more than any single aspect oh my lih e right now but need to hind someone special to share lih e with and to put h-iut on my l i s t oh p r io r itie s . I ’m modest, loving, sin cere. 7 b elieve in a benevolent God and inasmuch as this is a comhorting aspect oh my lih e I s t i l t need another human being to explore the physical aspects oh existence on this planet Earth. I'd lik e you to be young and stake e weth ' good attitude towards t • ’ :m not concerned about </■ tut kopi tou en joty ■ U.< in rewaru inner-'» < • it . Jh most oh o i l mu t t n . "lust eacji other cm p letelij. . w<, only iespond and reciprocate ( s e tt e r ■ > u th a cur rent photo.

Ron M. P.0. Hex 254 Saratoga Springs, NY

12866

Vear RFVers, Ragbrai XU. 7 m hoping ' new hriends on this six day <cuc ixcursion aero j Iowa. gt<wr v.jt>ta< par t icipants or hoiks who ceve near the route t zneouraged to w rite. This is my opportunity to clear my head, breathe h*esh a ir, exit great hood, commune with the earth and learn more about myselh through ex periences with new people. There's always a remote chance oh unexpect edly meeting a mat. . however that' S not my overall intentions oh "his ad. Hope to hear ihrom and oss^bly meet you th is summer in Iowa! fp.ite to: Ste/an Wade 204 St. John's Sq. Sterling, VA 22170I

Vear RFV Readers: I am a GWMin the Southwest Virginia area. Very lonely as currently 7 do not have a lover nor any gay hriends.

C,t(e ’ s/ c 7 \’i"ui early '88. lik e h- wee I new friends (here on mu pre-move trip in Juhi 187. Could use some help or sugges tions on housing (temporary or otherwise ) white getting estab lished. Any ideas on employment and job situations? All ideas and sug gestions are welcome. Looking forward to hearing from you ail. and to future new friendships, that, w ilt bring us all. to a wondeaful new age and a new beginning. <ii

W ould

7 am honest, since re, catling and loyal person. Desire a one. to one r eta t ions kip/ fr ie nds k ip .

Please led me hear fellow brothers tram a l l over. Mould love and wel come le tte r s from anywhere. Thank you.

Peace,

I'm a soft-hearted big gut/ who en joys listening to ballads with a good friend, sharing feelings, and ju st getting closed My interests range from French language to gay writings, with a lo t in between. 7 love l i f e , and find I'm at my best in the company of an interesting, expressive guy. Musically, 7 listen to quite a variety--running the gamut from Fleetwood Mac to K. T. Oslln, LIZ to Whitney Houston. 1 have yet to find the peas on with whom 7 could sustain a relationship for an extended time. At 21, 7 suppose 7 have some, time to seek him . . . 7 welcome everyone who believes in sharing the heart and mind to write, regardless of their loca tion. All w ill be prcmptl.il an swered. No photo expected or promised, but a ll are encouraged to write o f themselves at length. Non w ilt not be disappointed i f you get in touch.

Take care, Tabby o f Virginia c/o RFD1

V'-’OA PFV Fr iends in As hevi l i e , NC: 1 / - K vj:

‘iO r S

Vofiber, now living in Hawaii, *'/> t)r a f

tv. A sht'vi 11 , NC,

Brian 2131 Luka Columbus, OH 43201

Kenneth Vavid Vobek c/o RFD

Lonelu and Waiting c/o RFD

t/etlo Everyone,

The Whole: Engaged in a wondrous journey through l i f e that includes a search for someone to share Body, Mind, Soul, Passions, Eyes and Heart wxth. He writ be• in my age range, gentle, honest, sp ecial, nonsmoker wiih a keen sense of humor. He'll be willing to share a ll of him self, not ju st a piece or too heAe and there. He's willing to take a chance and drop me a lin e.

5 7, 6’ , 190 lb s ., good features and complexion. Newcomer to Southport, NC, desire companions, loving encounters and shooing. Enjoy wild l i f e lo r e , bridge, theater, music and travel. Have new home in wilderness on a lake shore.

G oiff P.O. Box 2605 SSL Southport, NC 28461 (9/9) 845-2970

Looking for a clean, non-smoking young man 18 to 25, homeless and no famcly t ie s , to be a companion, liv e with, and a s s is t in Flea. Market business, liv e in a free atmosphere, prim itive l if e s t y l e with no pressure, t i t t l e respon s ib ilit y , lots of friendship and care, some trav el. Ken Wickham RR »5 Batavia, Ml 49036

Dear RFVers, The. Parts :

We are looking for a yeoA round hired man to help us with chores and repairs around our small farm. Some carpentry experience would be helpful as 1 do carpentry work in the area and can o ffe a you addi tional work.

Body - 25, 5’ 9", 150 lb s ., brn/bm, hairy, bearded. Doesn't smoke or drink. Eats too much junk food. Mind - Humbly above average. Study ing litera tu re a t a major uni We have 80 acres, quite remote and versity. Writes plays, secluded, a mile from Lake SupeAior, sto ries, poems. Knows words We have 2 riding horses and raise to most songs on the radio straw berries, blackberries, eggs and forces mouth to sing and chickens for sa le. We have a along. large garden and can or freeze our Soul - Bruised once or twice, but own fru its and vegetables. We also healing nicely, thank you. operate a campground and a bed and Passions - The Earth. Especially breakfast for gay men. spring wild flowers, icaterfa lis , rock arches, starry I f this o ffe r sounds interesting, nights, and free-flowing please get in touch with me. rivers. One o f the great reuxirds of my l i f e is the ivork Gordon I've done, with a major en Route 1, Box 130 vironmental organization. Atlantic Mine, ML 49905 More Passions - Puzzles and games, X-C skiing, James Bond, rollercoas teas, butler pecan ice cream, Willa Cat her. Heart - Bigger than most. Shares Anyone want to join me? Share a love with many friends but fr e t, simple, active life ? Wander misses that someone special. deserts, forests, shorelin es, climb Eyes - Looking for more friends. mountains, watch suns e ls , camp Would lik e to meet or cor fir e s , stars, enjoy what’ s l e f t of respond with other gay the earth before i t ' s covered com w riters, students, and c h p letely in concrete? "Who can i’<rrumen tat activ i s ts . break the snares of the world and

my child- S teenagehood. How, i liv e in Minneapolis in a contem porary commune. While growthful 6 good, my lid o is u n satisfactorily divorced drom the Earth. Discontent with this separation drom my roots, i have recently made commitments to realizing a more balanced tid e. 5it wi th me. among the white clouds?" asks Han-shan.

I'm 5'9", 135 lb s ., in my t h ir t ie s , in excellent, shape and health, don't use tobacco on. drugs, exer cise daily, eat vegetarian. In terests .* The outdoons, nature, hiking, Running, plants, books (Thoneau, Whitman, Lao Tsu, Hanshan, Gary Snyder, Eduard Abbey), w iling (fitcHon and poetry), music (classical, jazz, fo lk ), instru mental guitar, Taoist/len philo sophy, solitu de, silen ce. I value freedom and an active tide over a quest, don money and possessions, i t ’ s what you do everyday that counts, not what you own, not your social status. Anyone want to join me? Stand by me? Plant gardens, canoe riv ers, kike t r a ils , explore the country and the back country, liv e to age 100 and beyond, vigorous and dree all the way? The days run odd lik e “i ld horses over the h ills and loait don no one. How is the time. "Sentiment without action is the Tain od the soul," says Ed Abbey. Write me now. Prank efo Bauer U. 1 - Box U4 Slanchardville, (01 53516

To like-h earted & -minded men via REV: To complete a journey, one must go doll c ir c le ; altho young (24), i am now finishing a journey, for 18 years, i clo sely experienced the Earth as an lotoa farmboy; in ways that only other country folk can grasp, being reared on a i(arm dally colored the person i have become. Adter high school, however, i a t tended a boys' school in England; then, i earned a bachelor's degree in world history. While a student, i traveled to lands fir from the 1own p ra iries: Western Europe 6 Britain, the Soviet Union (tw ice), Central America $ Eastern Canada. The past seven years have been dia m etrically d ifferen t than those od

Desiring to in tegrate my need to be grounded both in nature 6 in fuld-illing human relation sh ip s, i am considering returning to the land. Being in contact with nature remains important to me, yet i also need to devote myself to peace 6 ju stice i s sues, 8 progressive so cial change. A Quaker, i long dor sim p licity , honesty, right, liv elih ood 6 s p ir it ual centeredness. Having known both rural and urban livin g, i leant to combine the best elements of, both, avoiding the crippling iso la tion of country l i f e 8 the crazy imperson al ization of my city l i f e , i want to build Such a l i f e with a sym pathetic companion, someone of general similar age, who tike me is vibrant, loving, comfortably Gay, 8 sen sitiv e. i now seek such a com panion . Peace Aliza Michael Luick Omega House 2412 Eirst Ave. S. Minneapolis, MH 55404

5 years and have met f e.w gay men I ivould be romantically in terested in. 1 guess my tastes remain in my roots. 1 lik e earthy, natural, masculine men. Kinda stocky, not fat with a good sense of humor. I r ea liz e my chances of meeting a guy lik e this are slim. But i f I did, it. woui.d be a dream come true. Hopefully someone w ill fe e l the same about me. 1 am 26, goodlooking. Blond hair, blue eyes. 5'8" tall. 145 pounds. Bright, witty, a r tis tic and earthy, I have a wide range of in terests. An open minded Chris tian , productive and independent Romantic and sensuous. I would also be in terested in a business venture with someone. The upper Midwest needs a gayflesbian resort. A place lake Timberfe!! in Tn. fea tured in the la s t issue of REV. 1 have several years of management experience. It is my present pro fession . If anyone is interested in getting together, drop me. a line and a p ic ture. I ’ l l respond quickly with l e t ter and photo also. 1 also have a strong desire to see Europe. I'm a fra id to qo alone. If anyone, is planning on going in the. fa l l and icould lik e my company, please l e t me know. Thank you. Mark Ealkenrath 2525 Emerson Ave. S. *7 Minneapo l i s , MH 55^05 (612) 311-6015I

Man in Waiting 7 would tik e to thank everyone that, rep lied to my l e i ter l submitted a year ago. I requested contacts in the. Santa Cruz area. I received a great deal od r e p lie s. Hone drom that area. I’m sorry dor not reply ing to everyone. I ’ve decided to remain in this area until the time is ri.ght to relocate to Santa Cruz. That may not be dor several years . In the meantime I'm trying to make the most of my Minneapolis tid e. I'm looking for a handsome country man within a few hours of the Twin C ities. He's lonely and looking dor a man to come, brighten up his l i f e . I like, to get out of the city as much as p ossible. Unfor tunately the. only place T have to go is 6 hours away. My home tom is in Marinette County. It is a long lonely drive.

Before I discovered RED, I didn't think country gay men existed. 1 thought they a ll moved to the city, got high paying jobs, and wore designer clothes. T've been here 81

Greetings •* I w ill be moving to northern Minnesota this f a l l a fte r making a p it stop in the c it ie s for the summer. I am origin ally from Houston, 32, 6'1", 190 lbs. (rather non-descript a ctu a lly ), fa ir ly masculine in appearance, and reasonably sane. I lik e them big and butch (a common shortcoming) but am much more interested in con tacting people in H. Minnesota or Horth Dakota who can provide a sense of community attitudes or practical advice on making a tran sition from a highiu urbanized sem i-tropical lif e s t y l e to a rural and rather c h illy one.

Steve Shepherd P.0. Box 9691 Minneapolis, MH 55440

l\\it RFOcrs, I am a 49 year old environmentally conscious, outdoor oriented college, teacher. 7 presently liv e hal.fi way between Milwaukee and Chicago on filve acAeS surrounded by fiarm land in a large passive solar home that 1 con.itAu.cted myselfi. Having m ight trained fioA 30 year6, T have a 30" waist, 40" c h u t a t S'9" and 150*. ton recreation and not too distant retirement, 1 enjoy a 43 acne tree fiarm in central Ten nessee which It hatfi oak and half ie fores ted with oven 20,000 pines. This property i t isolated enough to allow bathing in the river that i t borders. 7 alto enjoy gardening, ping pong, bowling, hiking, tnavel, camping, mo toncycting, blcyc11ng, /ogg<ng, model railroading--indoors and out, the Hot ton Pops, and film s. T love animals, esp ecially my Labnadon Retriever, and do my best to protect w ild life against man. I do not use alcohol, drugs, on ciga r ette s . 7 practice TM. I need friends and m aid take very seriously those who believe that then would be compatible fior a r e lationship. 1 am sen sitive, afifiectlonate, and place a high p rio rity on loyalty and sin cerity. 7t would be important that a feartner be trim, and young in s p ir it ifi not In reality . Mi/ lifie is basically stable, quiet, and home oriented, but too lonely. Since rein,

P.O. Box 103 Grays lake, 7L 60030

Frlends - 7'd lik e to hear firom guys living in the great Northwocds—lumber jacks , fio r es te ns, voyageur s , Mountles, farmers, guides, and any one else who loves the Month. I'm S'7", wrestler/dancer build, hairy, green-eyed summer-blond, clean shaven, Linda cute, thirty next May but younger-looking . . . basically a romantic, some times a b it naive, genius 70 and a ll that,

a itm tiv e, empathetlc, typical a ll American clfi . . . bat I'm prac tic a l, too- 1 can cut hair, massage backs, speak french, bind wounds, il'itw gardens, cook meats, f e l l trees, pitch tents, throw pots, paddle canoes, fiocut telescopes, t e l l tales, sing songs, act, dance, play the harp . . . and 7've been waiting a ll my lifie. fior someone to harmonize with, someone t a l l , bur ly, and hairy, someone gentle, fiunny and smart, with a grand singing voice and a balanced lifie s ty le , no drugs, pot, or tobacco, and easy on the alcohol. Me could build our own cabin, ra ise our own fiood, then hibernate a l l winter, lettin g our beards grow, getting fiat on my cooking, singing duets, dreaming befiore the fiire, howling with the wolves and laughing with the loons . . . You're out there somewhere, you must be . . . and you've been waiting fior me, too. Larry Wilson 15W775 Lexington Elmhurst, 7L 60126 Vear RFV Readers, I ’m writing to ask to share In my plans, and to help me with my

fiuture.

7've rend RFV fior several years, and see that i t J i l l s a niche fior the rural gay male. I ’ve decided to change my niche, and 7 need RFV's and it s readers’ assistance. I'm a GWM, 34, who's taking 6 months efifi firom my telephone co. job to again. Being raised on a fiarm has established strong rural roots In me, and 7 want to ate them to their maximum. I'm hunting fior a rural, gay enter p rise, be i t a BSB, nursery, fiarm, orchard, e tc ., which needs physical, educational and common sense know ledge. To help run, build, grow-what.ever is necessary. My degree’s in agriculture/conservation, and 7 have owned a home and held a job fior 7 years. These facts show an a b il ity to survive and achieve. What 7 want, is to liv e again using a l l ofi mu f a c il it i e s .

All correspondence w ill be answered. 7fi this le t t e r sparks some Interest, in you, use this opportunity to your bene fill.

Countrymen ofi Northern Califiornia, 7've ju st come back firom Mt . Shasta, Califiornia with many new aware nesses. The energy there is abso lu tely In credible. Now 7 see why 7've fielt a strong connection to the area. And I'm a city guy, fiascinate.d with the wilderness, with the p o s s ib ility ofi soon moving out. ofi the city , even though lit. is so neiv fior me. 7'd lik e to meet men ofi Siskiyou County, Califiornia or others In terested In the sp iritu al slgnifilcance and metaphysical, teachings that come through the energy on Mt. Shasta firom the Beings ofi Li.ght. I’m developing my "vision," yet with both fieet fiirmly planted to the ground. I ’m 35, 6 fit., ISO lb s ., muscular, bearded, easy-going, good looking guy who is very masculine-straight, In a balanced way, yet gay. Cur rently, a graphic designer and art d irector. 7 see sexuality ofi a man-to-man nature and my a th letics as loays to get me in touch with deep body energies which can be raised In vibration fior higher sp iritu al work. All ioays create my goal as a clearer channel ofi the Light. The union with a co-creator buddy or "star" brother expresses our highest purpos e s .

But 7'm looking fior buddies who can r e la te to a man l ik e me who is un dergoing tran sition s. And 7'd lik e buddies 7 could r e la te to on my next trip out there. Write : Vennis Horan S21 Sunnyslde Ave. Chicago, 7L 60640 Vear RFV Readers 7 am a GWM, 31 yrs old, 6'2" t a l l , red hair., green eyes and weight 275 lb s. 7 am writing In hopes ofi mak ing some new firiends. 7 enjoy music, movies, cooking, being with good company, quiet times and people on the whole. 7 am origin ally firom the Bahamas and have ju st recently moved to Missouri, 7 would l ik e very much ta hear firom others, race, age is not important, honesty I s . Hope to hear firom y 'a ll soon. Sincerely,

Thanks.

Mike P.O. Box 582 Poplar B luff, MO 63901

Bob ofi Illin o is c/o RFV 82

Hello My name is Jim, l am a GWM 34 years of age. 5’ 8" t a l l with dank brown eijes!> and halt (thinning). 7 enjoy being with people, going out to eat and reading. 7 liv e In South Cen tral Kamas (Wichita a rea ). 7 would like to meet another GWM 25-40 yearn of, age maybe a l i t t l e t a l l e r and heavier than my*elf. Prefer a man who only drinks s o c ia lly , In other words can take I t on leave i t . Mot Into drugs, pot, etc. 7 b eliev e i can be a vexy coxing person. Hope you can too. Jim of South Central Kama,s d o RFV

Howdy faom Oklahoma, Any s ilv e r haded, pot b ellie d , white gentlemen oven 60 who loves to fish out there?

Vm47, G.W.M., 5'8", 795 lbs, baby bluet, bxown halx, avexage lo o k s , clean s haven and closeted, avid angler. 7 smoke but no longex ddnk—never Into drugs. Masculine and a bit. of a xed neck but not reugh--really ju st a teddy beax. I liv e in a two bedxoom mobile home on the shore o f Lake Texhoma. 1 own and opexate a small axmy/navy store here in southeastern Oklahoma. I'm alto developing a lin e of cut tom fishing lures.

My paxdner retired la s t year--from everything—to I thought I would txy trollin g for another—Besides I feel the spawning urge coming on. drop me a lin e, you won't catch a trophy but you ju st might r e e l in something worth keeping. Best Regards Venals of Oklahoma d o RFV

7 would very much lik e to get to

know another sen sitiv e man with values. I'm 37, sin gle, a p ro f., attractive, looking for same age

30 and upoaxd fox correspondence and possibly sharing of companion ship and in terests. Some of mine include biking, cooking, the arts, o il painting and quiet times to gether. Currently living In Hous ton and desire to relo ca te to more personable and les s h ectic loca tion. I f you're a man who's a f fection ate and caring, desiring to get to know a guy who's radiantly the same, please write to me, with photo. Please, only serious r e p lie s . Ernie Box: 571062 Houston, TK 77057

Hello New Friends; Tcoo metalsmiths Michael (37) and Lee (36) w ill be studying blacksmithing In Aachen, West Germany, from ap pro xlmately October 87 thru January 88. Would tik e to hear from broth ers in surrounding areas to meet and get to know. Would also lik e to hear from brothers in the British Is le s , as we w ill be travelling there after, studying In Aachen. We would also be very in terested in contacting blacksmithing brothers most anywhere in Europe. For a reply please w rite: Michael, Jones/Lee Badger 3925 Morrison Rd. Venver, CO 80219

I am interested in word play and have an unpublished novel written, am a student of acupuncture and Chinese herbs, and am inclined to Taoism, alchemy, )xiracelsian imagi nation and gods of transformation. 1 believe synchronistic occurences and descriptions in the Book of Changes are the basis for a superior psychology than puerile convention alisms. 7 am 5 f t 8 In, 145 lbs, someiohat boyish-loo king, keep f i t , don't smoke or watch TV, and don't lik e to drink much. 7 do get a lien ated in demanding or precious "scenes" of any sort: whether of drink, gays, poets or yuppies. 7 am looking for an In tellectu alSpiritual- physical (on the lig h t weight side) companion in his 20' s or 30's who might lik e to live abroad, particu larly Asia, for ex tended periods. He should be straight-enough acting not to un necessarily draie attention to him s e lf when he doesn't want to. I myself am bi-polar. Alternately, 7 am looking for a small antis tic/mys t ic commune/community of sexually free individuals (of one or both sexes but not promiscuous debau chees) who might accept me and any forthcoming buddy on an on-again, of of{-again basis. 7 speak a l i t t l e Spanish and German and welcome rep lies from people who speak them, or Chinese or Japanese..

Emit of New Mexico c/o RFV

Vear friends, Voung man, 36, 5'9", 130, wants to learn manual s k i l l such as auto mechani.cs, small engine re)oair from expert any age. Will relo ca te. Also desire liv e -in arrangement. Call t o l l free, leave phone number, 1-800-624-0894 ext. 19.

We are trying to find a lon g-lost brother, Stephen the. Wind. Tf you're out. there, please write Clover and Satya a t P.O. Box 3094, Oakland, CA 94609. Much love to a lt .

MarkI Veax Brother: dear Restless Mew Friend Seekers, I am a nomadic, down-to-earth in dividual in my 30' s who lik e s to get involved in a p roject and then, lik e the Lone Ranger, to s lip on a mask and leave. I b u ilt an adobe house in Mac Mexico, la id a brick-on-sand flo o r in a 10-room "ghost" house in rural Japan where 1 taught English for 15 months, ju st returned to the U.S. from another year In Europe (mostly Germany and Greece ) and spent two student years in Mexico. 83

1 am a 23 year old lavender hippie. I consider myself a gentle being, honest, grounded, with a good sense of humor. 7 am pagan, and drugalcohol- smoke free. My In terests range from A-Z usually quiet and low key a c t iv it ie s , t'm looking for frien ds/loversfbrothers. 7'm open to a friendship growing Into whatever--with ret.axed expectations. 7 enjoy men who axe also gentle, honest, h ip p ie/fa ix ie types. 7'm esp ecially p a rtia l to other "bears", and Grateful Veadheads. 7 liv e in

Vital sta ts :

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VetobeA (Libran with Aquarian

the East. Bay and would tik e to hear j[rom and meet Northern CA men and a lio men from AZ and NM, as I ptan some traveling in that area soon. M. BeaA

P.0. Box 5392 Berkeley, CA 94105

A contingent o f Santa Cruz Area

Faeries are intending to come to Washing ton V.C. this Oc tobe r to be a pant o f the big ruckus. We would very much tik e to be sponsored, or stay with, on have a contact, with some, gnoup o f Washington V.C. faeries on some neighboring area 6aeni.es. We would be thn illcd to exchange spaces, and be youn hosts and o ffe r you accomodations and a ll , whenever you might be in Cat iforn ia. Coming to Washington to mess with government could be a sweeten pro position i f we had exchanged some apple pie necipes with some of you a ll out there fir s t . Please m i t e , we. ane tfan. Jim Schultz on Terry Cavanagh 130 SycantoAe St. Santa Cnuz, CA 95060

ascent); stand 6'1"; weigh 175**, blond cut USMC jarhead sty le bald ing on top; blue/green eyes; aver age looks; somewhat muscular bod; don't smoke tobacco; seldom drink; gay sexual preferences; straight attitudes and l if e s t y l e . I ’m butch outside/bitch in side, have been in to lohat we now c a ll s a fe sex since adolescence, enjoy sen sitiv e and a ffectio n a te touching, holding, hissing, stroking, cuddling, and sleeping with a buddy--probably In that order. Voyeur/exhibitionist fantasies in three dimensions are a turn-on for me. I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship since 7 rea liz e two people are not born the day they meat each other, but 7 try to be open and honest toward a l l who share lik e mi.nd and s p ir it. 7 hope to be a friend even i f we find we're not each other's type. Finances and work keep me pretty close to home but any RFD readers passing thru here w ill get at lea s t bed and breakfast, or, at. most a life tim e partner and buddy. Take care, gentle souls. Tony Thompson 402 Huns cry St. Box 416 Amity, OP 97101

LOOKING FOR MATE Venn Loving Brothers, After 25 itinerant yeans trying to find a place to c a ll home, 7 fin a l ly bought property la s t yean and s e ttle d into this farming community of about l^on people 40 miles southwest of Portland. I'm truly happy here and plan to stay for a tong time to come. Currently 7 have several projects coming down--from res toning old trucks to renovating my neo-Victorian house to rediscovering my Bach-to-rock record co llectio n 7 had stoned for over a decade. Though 7 liv e by myself I'm far too busy to indulge in the luxuries of loneliness and s e lf-p ity . During the 70's 7 lived in the gay ghettos of West Hollywood, San Francisco and Houston where 7 f e l t fan more alone than 7 do now. In the past, year I've developed a c ir c le of maybe a dozen frien d s--a lt o f them straight.

I'm 5'10", 165 lb s ., 39 years, lig h t brown/blonde hair with blue/ hazel eyes, moustache, fa ir ly hairy, foo tb a ll build. Attractive, honest, clean, straight appearing, well educated, nice guy type, sexy smile, sense o f humor, loyal, patient, sin cere, diverse in terests and s k ills .

fa t s . AH s incere le tte r s answered. Photo appreciated. Ken P.0. Box 12S26 S eattle, WA 98111

1 am a German in terpreter (English, Spanish, Swedish) who also works as a free-lan ce jou rn alist and writer. 1 am 28 years old and have brown hair, and eyes. 7 make enough money to be able to take care of another person. Having v isited your beauti ful country 7 am turned on by a ll the handsome guys 7 met, so 7 de cided to share my l i f e with one of them. Since I am an in terpreter for the English language i t would be an advantage to liv e with an English speaking person permanently. Who w ill be the lucky one? 1 am looking for an AIDS-aware per son in the age o f 19-26 years, who does not mind to practice Safer Sex within the f ir s t time of the r e la tionship. 1 have a preference for muscular or chubby guys with blonde hair and blue eyes but others are also wel come to icrite. 7 leant an honest, a ffectio n a te per son who takes core of the apartment while 7 am working. In return 7 give you sh elter, food and clothing and a small amount money for your own use only. I f this of f e r sounds a ttra ctiv e to anyone, please write with picture to:

Martin Krueger Schonleinstr. 11 1000 Berlin 61 West Germany, F.R.G.*I

One of the vanishing breed o f native

farm boys--country bred and raised. Country values, love animals, flow ers, nature, home, quiet. Like cooking, gardening, writing, travel ling, outdoors, making others happy, making love. HTLV negative. Financially sta b le.

Looking for a p ositive happy man who needs t i t t l e but love to be content but enjoys an occasional dalliance into t i f e ’ s pleasures. Someone who wants to plan for and r e a liz e a hap py, secure country l i f e . Non-smoker (pot OK), no chemically dependents, ultra ferns or very 84

Dear RFD Readers: I would lik e to correspond with notMen in the radical fa e r ie move ment; in particular, how do you see your relation ship to the icemen's movement, fem inist Wicca and the GoddciS? Vouyrs Sincerely, Craig Voung 20 Glads on Avenue Christchurch 4 New Zealand

Hirsute, spunky chunk, la te 30’s, ex-Qantas steward, in tellig en t, slim, good-looking, genuine, stralght-acting, caning, sin cere, big co llectio n of National Enquln.cn magazines, I love meaningful con versation oven good food, wine and cla ssica l music. But lik e to go out "bopping" too. I ’m a Gemini/ Leo cusp (It was a d iffic u lt labour) and I ’m "Into" starry, sta r ry nights, outdoors, blue skies and movies, artichoke hearts, bondage, thermal underwear, toys, metal sieves and mlxmasters. I'm passive but could be activated by Newspaper Journalist with own pad. I'm look ing for someone ivith sim ilar cargentry s k ills to build foundations of new l i f e together. Are you w ellbuilt but lonely? That’s O.K. If you’re, keen to enlarge c ir c le of friends. Haybe a doorman could open brave new vistas for me. Or just an elevator operator to give me a l i f t . Are you working In a Manchester Department? Looks are immaterial i f you are a sin ceresucker. Into jockstraps? I can give some support to genuine guy. bJhat. more can I say. If you ap preciate my sense of humour and mould l ik e to exchange witty, newsy, irregu lar le tte r s ivrite to the address below. I welcome mall from both women and men (although my sexuality is one-directional my needs for friendship are not) and have no restrictio n s as regards age, race etc.

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Due dates for submissions to receive ful1 consideration are: Fall 1.987 Issue #52 Feature: Global Brain Aug. 1, 1987 Winter 1987/8 Issue #53 Feature: (open) Nov. 1, 1987 Spring 1989 Issue #54 Feature: Drag reb. 1, 1988 Some material can be used if received after these dates, so try anyway!

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We publish the names of all contributors, but other than for the contact letters, we generally do not include the addresses. All contributors can be reached through RFD. We will NOT give out the names of subscribers (except where specified by them) to anyone, but we will forward mail to them through this address.

SUBMISSIONS

Dlease share your knowledge and vision through RFD. This is a reader written journal, so it is YOUR forum. It helps if you can type (double space) ycur written material, but please do send in your gems even if they are ’’rough” . RFD prefers to wield the editor's pencil lightly, so please send in.your sub missions pretty much as you would have them appear. We generally do correct spellings and minor punctuations, so please indicate any intentional varia tions from standard English. Photos: Slack and white photos reproduce better than color. If possible, send us an expendable print. If you wish to send us a treasured photo which is the only copy, please indicate this so we can take care of it. We can't use negatives. Drawings: Again, black and white reproduces better than color. Pencil draw ings should be as dark and of as high a contrast as possible. Yellow #2 pencil washes out easily; blues do not print at all. Occasionally, part of a drawing or photo, or collage of various artists will iork well with an article. Please indicate if you wish your artwork to be printed in its entirety only, or if there are any other considerations you wish us to respect. We try to report at soon as possible on selections, *u* we sometimes hold naterial for another issue, and it may he some time before the final decision is made. Please bear with us. You might want to se* an expiration date so we'll know how much time we will have. A self-addressed, stamp?* envelope will insure the return of your originals. Multiple submissions are fine with us. 9r0 will send contributors two copies of the issue if. whicn their work appears as payment.