RFD Issue 55 Fall 1988 by RFD Magazine Gay

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RFD is a reader-written jour nal for gay men which focuses on country living and en courages alternative life styles. Articles often ex plore the building of a sense of community, radical faerie consciousness, the caring for the environment, as well as sharing gay men's experiences.

After several years at Running Water in Bakersville, North Carolina, RFD is moving. Beginning with the Winter Issues, #56, RFD will be published and managed by Short Mountain Collective, a group of people associated with Short Mountain Sanctuary in rural middle Tennessee. A steei ing committee has also been formed. This move was necessitated by many factors including the desire of its current publisher, Ron L a m b e , to move on to other things. All of us involved would like to take this opportunity to make a public statement of appreciation to Ron for the wonderful job he has done in keeping RFD such a great magazine. We in the collective hope to continue his fine work. RFD has always been a unique magazine and with your help we plan to see that it remains so.

Editorship responsibility is shared between the Department Editors and the Managing Edi tors. The business and general production is centered at Short Mountain Sanctuary in rural middle Tennessee. Fea tures are often prepared in various places by different groups. RFD (ISSN 0149-709X) is published quarterly for $15 per year by Short Mountain Collective, Rt. ^1, Box 64A, Liberty, TN 37095. Second class postage is paid at Liberty, TN and additional mailing offices. Postmaster: send address changes to RFD, P0 Box 68, Liberty, TN 3?0<55

First and foremost we at the collective believe the basic format of RFD is sound and we plan to keep it that way. Part of the uniqueness of RFD is that it has always been a reader-written journal. With your help we want to continue in that tradition. If you as a reader have a n y thing to say which you think would be of interest to RFD we encourage you to write an article, story, poem or youname it and send it to us. We would also encourage any interested groups to consider doing a feature section for R F D . Ihe collective spirit and comaraderie created through working on a feature is a truly special e x p e r i ence for all concerned.

ISSN # 0149-709X USPS # 073-010-00 Non-profit tax exempt status under # 23-7199134 as a func tion of Gay Community Social Services, Seattle, Washington

On a more practical level we would like to talk about finances. RFD has never been a "for profit" endeavor. The people involved in publishing RFD have never made any money. Ihe small compensations paid are insignificant compared to the amount of work involved in trying to put out a quality magazine four times a year.

MEMBER: CCLM (Coordinating Council of Literary Magazines' C0SMPE ( The International Assoc, of Independent Publishers) GLPA (Gay/Lesbian Press Assoc. ) IGLA (Int'l Gay * Lesbian Assoc. )

Generally speaking, income from new subscribers and renewals, plus donations from generous persons and b o o k store sines has kept pace with the expenses involved (see issue #54, RFD financial report). The major outlay has always been the printing of RFD. It is this large chunk of money needed four times a year which seems to create our cash flow problem. And that is were we are at now. RFD has a cash flow problem... What to do? Well, if e v ery one of our over 1200 subscribers sent us just one (maybe two) dollars we would be well on our way. (We re ally mean it!) RFD has never charged for printing c o n tact letters. If everyone contact letter writers would send us a small donation, we would be well on our way. If all us us. all of you. would turn on just one friend to this unique magazine, that would help, too.

INDEXED by Alternative Press Media P.C. Box 33109 Baltimore, MD 21218 MICROFILMED by Alternative Media P.0. Box 1347 Ansonia Station New York, NY 10023

RFD has never been main stream; it has always catered to a small group within the larger gay community. But there are more of us than anyone might guess. There is an untapped reserve of people out there for whom RFD is designed. Ihey just might be someone you know. Turn them on to RFD. Suggest they get a subscription. Get them a subscription as a gift. (Yule is coming). Sur prise someone you know; they will always remember you for your thoughtfulness.

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The Short Mountain Collective is open to your s u g g e s tions. This is your magazine. With your help we know that RFD will continue to be. if you will pardon our m o d esty, the most original, the most significant, the best magazine around t o d a y W e look forward to serving you

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CONTRIBUTORS Franklin Abbott.. 10, 29,30,31 Joseph W. Bean............ 43 Ralph Berlin.............. 41 Blue Jay................... 13 Randy Briefer............. 41 Tess Cataland......... 35,36 Lin Elliot................ 25 Don Engstrom....... 35,36 BC Steven Finch....,......... 40 Michael Hathaway......... .40 Heartsinger.......... . 37,3^ Mor t Jonas ................. 39 Joseph Kramer............. 17 Ron Lambe................. 64 Thomas Landry............. 22 J -w. m ............. ,42 Buddy May..................15 Tom McKague............... 18 Stuart Norman.............. 7 Sparky T. Rabbit....... 35,36 Roger Rogers.............. 16 Raphael Sabatini.......... 14 Joseph Salack............. 2 r Ulinthrop Smith............ 41 Star hawk....................9 John G. Swadey M D .... ..... 8 Courtney Willis........... 42 John Zaluski...............41

PRODUCTION THIS ISSUE: Ron Lambe Emil Hof fman Short Mountain Collective Front Cover Artwork unknown (from RFD archives) Back Cover Artwork Donald Engstrom

PUBLISHER:

Short Mountain Collective

VOLUNTEER DEPARTMENT EDITORS: ARTICLES/ESSAYS: Richard Chumley, MA BOOK REVIEWS: Kenn Wal1er-Zanghi, TX BROS. BEHIND BARS: Len Richardson, OR COUNTRY KITCHEN: Buddy May, TN FAERIE COMMUNITY: Len Elliott, AZ FARM & GARDEN: Scott Luscombe, NY FEY ARTS: Franklin Abbott, GA FICTION: Randy Conner, CA GAY HISTORY: Charles Simpson, MA HEALTH: Pat Browder, NC POETRY: Steven Riel, MA POLITICS: Stuart Norman, CA PROFILES: Warren Potas, DC SPIRITUALITY: (open)

A Country Journal For Gay Men Everywhere VOL. X V NO. 1 FALL 1988

ANNOUNCEMENTS ARTICLES AND ESSAYS The Architecture of Patriarchy The First Northwoods Faerie Gathering Ron’s Final Discourse Search Social Evolution in the Christian Era We Circle Around BOOK REVIEW New Men New Minds CONTACT LETTERS FEATURE Gay Pride Marching Band Meeting the Queer God Prick Up Your Ears Songs of Love and Nature FICTION Where I’ll Be HEALTH The Cut and the Uncut California Bodywork KITCHEN QUEEN LETTERS POETRY Dr. Love Domest 1 c The Writing Table Drawing: For James For Jimmy Now and If untitled POLITICS Letters From the Coconino County Jail The Post Office Sting Slouching Towards the Election SPIRITUALITY The Female Nature Paradigm

5 9 13 64 14 20 10 43 43 44 28 39 35 29 37 18 18 16 i6 17 15 4 40 40 40 40 41 41 42 42

Michael Hathaway Steven Finch Jeff He iske1 Winthrop Smith John Zaluski j .w. m. Courtney Willis

25 8 7 22 22

Lin H. Elliot John G. Swadey MD Stuart Norman • Thomas Landry

Star hawk Blue Jay Ron Lambe Raphael Sabatini Joseph Salack Franklin Abbott Joseph W. Bean Mort Jonas Sparky T. R^ 11 Franklin Abbott Hearts inger Tom Mckague Roger Rogers Joseph Kramer

LETTER TO THE EDITOR Thomas L a n d r y ’s thinking (this issue) ought to be welcomed, and when he says that Radical Faeries are masculine and feminine per sonified there is no quarrel. But when he ob jects to the "feraale/nature paradigm” (the idea that nature is feminine) as demeaning to both men and women, and nature, his analysis becomes so steeped in dialectic that certain archetypi cal images get buried -- repressed. He ignores both eastern tradition and the western, alchem ical one that reached a high point in the en lightenment of the 18th century. The eastern tradition (which is the basis for the workings of clinical acupuncture as well as for Taoist metaphysical thought) says that all phenomena are dualistic, broken down into parts that are relative to one another, and further that this is the basis of change. The yang active half includes not only sexual masculinity and aggression, but the positive charge of electricity, the concept of heat and a psychological grasping for life. Western hermetic writings, which have roots in preChristian religions, complement eastern thought. Here the feminine nature of the Earth (in contrast to. and receiving, the power of the Sun) includes the dark and mysterious, the receptive, the idea of holding on and of Death. "Nature” in this context is not pure, lilywhite and nice. This nice side of femininity (which Tom Landry rightfully objects to) comes from chivalry, a way of behavior which climaxed in the most mechanistic and outrageous of cen turies, the 19th, not from the spiritual tradi tion and the Goddess. The assumptions of chivalry still pervade the English definitions of the word love.

TO THE EDI TOF? Dear Editor, As I read your magazine, I found itself im pressed by both it's content, and it's spirit. I am an old tired ''queen'' of thirty, in my own way on a path to transform myself and a hunk of the planet as I can. So it'8 a pleasure to read something that's gay yet comes from a perspective that re spects and acknowledges the earth; that em braces and joins both spirituality and sex uality; and that encourages communication amoung like minded men.

One of the problems of modern sexo-political thought is how to come to terms with radi cal feminism without the man losing sight of his own identity. While no man who acknowl edges his dual sexual nature would object to abolishing the rigid stereotypes of discrimina tion, indeed, actively push for them, he should also be aware of the nature of matriarchy it self, such societies flourishing for real in pre-classic times, and know what is meant when

So, aB a man contemplating a move into a rural area your magazine is reassuring. I know that it won't be easy, but it will be challenging and fun... what more can I ask for? In any case, keep up the good work.

a black man, for instance, speaks of emascula tion by forces who see society solely in terms of family and reproduction.

Your earth brother. Michael Evans

But there is no reason to be defensive. The greater society is curious about new ex pressions of sexuality. It is "in" and perhaps liberal to toy with openness and submerged, la tent feelings. Toying, to be sure, but those on the tip of the iceberg should know the roots of their p o w e r .

Dear friends, ... I must say I much appreciated the abso lutely maaaaahvelous series of articles on Righteously Functional Drag, and the article by Treona B. Bitchy just stole my heartl I said to myself, Now there1s a queen who knows what she's bitching about I That won derful article by Raphael Sabatini, the Dutchess of Columbia, was also very educa tional to my as of yet untrained-in-the-artof-faerie-etiquette self, as well, of course, as quite amusing.

Emil Hoffmann staff volunteer issue #55

“WANTED’ During the love fro* Running Water in North Carolina to Short Mountain in Tennessee, RFD has lost the address of Drake Downing. If you know him , please ask hie to get in touch with us. Thanks, The RFD collective

With much love and faerie magicks Bill Karpen

AIDS VACCINE?

ACT NOW ’88 To continue the energy gener ated by last year’s March on Washinton a four day celebra tion was called for October 811, in Washington, Several events occurred during the weekend. The AIDS Memorial Quilt returned with 8,288 pan els. A candlelight walk to the Lincoln Memorial was held. On Tuesday October 11 a Civil Disobediance demonstration shut down the Food and Drug Adminis tration in Rockville, MD. The demonstration was called to demand greater access to prom ising new drug treatments for AIDS. One-hundred and seventysix people were arrested at the action. "cor the entire day, we were in control of the FDA. This action took us a long way in making the public understand that PWAs must have immediate access to experimental drugs that could extend their lives," said Sue Hyde, chair of the ACT NOW action committee. The weekend was organized by ACT NOW, a network of over fifty direct action AIDS organ izations across the country. For more information contact: Scott Sanders at (202) 234-8801 or ACT NOW, P.O. Box 73275, Washington, DC, 20056. Congress Approves AIDS Bill In the final days of the 100th Congress, approval was given to a broad-ranging AIDS authoriz ation bill covering research, education, health care, and testing activities of the Public Health Service. The omnibus bill establishes proce dures for expediting and increasing AIDS research, pro vides for extensive programs in AIDS education, authorizes $100 million for anonymous testing and counseling for two years, and authorizes $100 million in block grants to the states for home health care services for people with AIDS. The new bill however fails to include in it provisions for anti-discrimi natlon and confi dentiality in testing. These are important elements in the fight against AIDS.

In a major AIDS story, the "New York Native" r e ported May 23rd that a Long Island researcher is having extraordinary s u c cess treating persons with AIDS by using a ty phoid vaccine in c a r e fully measured amounts. Mr. Salvatore J. Catapano and his associates are reporting dramatic r e m i s sions in AIDS conditions in some 200 patients since treatement began in October, 1986. When the typhoid vaccine, a proven, immune enhancer, "reaches the lymphatic system, its unusual surface causes it to stimulate lymphocytes" which then produce lym phokines which in turn activate macrophages to go after foreign agents in the b o d y . Following years of private research, Mr. Catapano was granted a patent for his protocol last December. AZT and T h y mopentin are the only other patented treatments for AIDS, and are being heavily promoted by their owners or manufacturers. However, the Typhoid v a c cine cannot be owned and has not enjoyed the incintive for publicity the other treatments have. Write: Michael Smith, P a tient Advocate Network, 279 Collingwood St.. San Francisco, CA 94114.

RURAL GAY HARRASMENT "Gay Community News" reports that Frank S a n toro and Michael Martin, an openly rural gay c o u ple from Westminster, M a s s . , have fied suit for civil rights violations against six of their neighbors. This action follows alleged retalia tory harrasment for their successful prosecution of five local men for har-

rassing phone calls, m a licious distruction of private property, and trespassing. Santoro and Martin are seeking p u n i tive damages and a p e r m a nent restraining order to keep these men off their proper t y .

Circle K Restores Health Plan Circle K Corporation has "cancelled upleientation" of a health care policy which ex cluded coverage for AIDSrelated conditions. The coipany's September 13, 1988, decision came after civil rights, gay, and AIDS activists expressed outrage at the dis criminatory policy. "This is a significant victory for the health care rights of people with AIDS," said William B. Rubensteln, Staff Counsel to the ACLU’s AIDS Project. "Circle K was attempting to en force its morality through its health care plan. Its capitulation is an admission that employees have a basic right to health care, regard less of the illnesses they suffer or the particular manner in which they got sick."

ANTI-GAY

INCIDENTS

The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force re ports a 42% higher inci dence of anti gay/lesbian violence in 1987. "While our report doesn't claim to measure the full ex tent of anti-gay harrass m e n t . . .available data clearly demonstrate that the problem continues to be severe." The increase may be due as much to better reporting and more people willing to come forward than an actual increase in incidents. Local groups are stongly urged to compile s t a t i s tics on anti-gay in c i dents and report them to the NGLTF Anti-Violence Project. 1517 U St., N W , Washington, DC 20009.

LEATHER & S/M FAERIES

NNOUNCEMENTS

NATIONAL INTERRACIAL NEWSLETTER Thom Bean, a past chairman of Black and White Men Together and a San Francisco community activist has announed a new national newsletter for gay men interested in interracial and crosscultural relationships. The publication will be called QUARTERLY INTER CHANGE and is envisioned to provied a national fo rum for men of different racial, ethnic and c u l tural backgrounds to meet. Write: Q I , PO Box 42502, San Francisco, CA 94101 .

There is no maximum or nimiui page requireient, and one page submissions are welcome. Miller explains that due to space liaitations not all work can be published. Unpublished aanuscripts will be returned, pro vided a staaped, self-addressed envelope is included. Manuscripts aust be postaarked no later than 1 February, 1989. send to: Andrew Miller, P.0. Box 25711, Washington DC, 20007

The Big Gay Book A Gay Man’s Guide to Resources for the 90’s The book will include extensive inforaation about resources of all kinds for gay aen as we continue to build and refine our lives. Social, political, religious, acadeaic, and vocational organizations are urged to in clude theaselves in this nationwide project. Contact: John Preston, Box 5314, Portland, ME. 04101 (207) 7743865

HOME POWER MAGAZINE "Home Power" is a free monthly magazine about alternate energy systems. I t ’s for people who make, or want to make, their own electricity. Topics include p h o t o v o l t a i c s , wind and water power, and how to regulate, store and use that power. Ad vertisers fund the m a g a zine, but it is not s i m ply self-promotion. Write: PO Box 130, Norb r o o k , CA 96044. poetry Sought 3oe»s and short-writings by people whose lives have been touched by AIDS are currently being solicited fro* throughout the United States by Andrew Miller, a Washington D.C. poet. Miller plans to edit and pub lish the nationwide anthology by early 1989.

EXPERIENCE THE HIGH COUNTRY Running Water Retreat Center is renting its rustic facility for the winter months. The wood heated cabin on 15 wooded acres near the A p p a l a chian Trail is a perfect hideaway to meditate and rebuild a connection with nature. The house can accomodate one to four compatible people and rents for $100 a month plus wood and electricity costs. The shower works, but the toilet is still outside. A large library is available for reading. Write: Peter Kendrick. 99 Beech Glen R d ., Mars H i l l , NC 28754; (704) 689-5515.

Out of the interest generated by the faeries and leather & S/M p a r t i c ipants at the National S/M & Leather Contingent of the March on W a s h i n g ton, a national o r g a n i z a tion for faerie men in volved in Leather-sex and/or S/M is being formed. If you are in terested in helping to form a newsletter, d i r e c tory, gathering, or wider circle, write: Sex Magick Faeries,, 5027 N. Hall S t ., D a l l a s , TX 75235.

FAERIE ACTION GATHERING This is a call to R a d ical Faerie Action to take back the city (New York) in celebration of the 20th Anniversary of the Stonewall Rebellion. Arise all people of Pan! L e t ’s be a fluttering phoenix from the ashes of c 1onedora. Some possible events for the Action: *A Judy Graland Look-alike Padgent; * Covering 5th A v e . with dirt; ^Planting wild flowers; ♦Reclaiming Stonewall Inn as a H i s torical Monutment to the struggle for Gay and L e s bian Liberation. Cum to the F A G in late June in 1989. Write: PO Box 1251, Canal St. S t a . , New York, NY 10013.

N.E. Winter Solstice The next gathering of north east Faeries will be at Cayuga Nature Center in Ithaca NY. The dates are December 21-25. Contact: Jay Warren, 33 Richdale Ave., Cambridge, MA. 07140.

Short Mountain in Spring The Short Mountain Spring Gathering will happen in central Tennessee from April 28 thru May 4. There will also be a pre-gathering work-week April 21-27. More information: Short Mountain Sanctuary, Rt. 1 8ox 84-A, Liberty TN. 37095

careful in budget matters and has a social conscience. His position denying gay foster parents the right to rear children is a strike against him but it must be understood and taken into perspective.

SLOUCHING TOWARDS THE ELECTION By Stuart Norman

Why did Dukakis pick the gay foster par ent status to discriminate? Was it expediency to appear more conservative? to be able to say to his main line supporters that he wasn't pro-gay? We should understand the frightened concern of heterosexuals that gay parents will be role models for a free life style that they think will subvert their children. It's the same argument that gays recruit the young, that a young person would be perfectly "normal" if it w e r e n ’t for the existence of gays. We know it is false. Nevertheless it enters the political arena.

Another presidential election is coming upon us. I suspect most of us are disgusted vrith the whole process and don't expect any major changes to occur. Although the Democrats have good chance of regaining office (though polls of the average voter have shown alarming volatility), I still encourage you to register and vote. It should be an obvious decision for gay people to vote for the D u k a k i s -Bentson ticket, even if only to vote against George Bush and the Republicans. Sometimes we must vote for the lesser evil. I assume we all know (or should know) the dismal record of the Reagan administration on gay rights and AIDS among other atrocities. In addition, the current administration has been the most corrupt in the history of our nation. Over one hundred officials have been either accused, charged, indicted or discharged from office for felo nious or malpractices. The political system has struck a new low.

However Dukakis does support some gay rights anti-discrimination measures and is with us on AIDS policies. He is vastly supe rior to Reagan or Bush. The professional politicians must be shown that there is a cny vote of size. We must also remember that for the last 15 years, especially since Reagan took power, Even the Democrats in search of vote-.; have turned more conservative, sounding just like Republicans in their support of family and traditional moral values. Now that Dukakis has picked the conservative Texan, Sen. Lloyd Bentsen, as his running mate., their conservative credentials are assured. B e n t s e n ’s voting record on gay/AIDS and other issues is abysmal. Yet we must remember that the vice presidency is a figurehead position and that we need the Democrats in office - if only to sweep out the present government.

George Bush d o e s n ’t have much popularity or personality, besides "being there" at the height of the Iran Contra scandal. His intu itive popularity with women is low as well as there being hold-overs from the Reagan admin istration running his campaign for him. A continuation of the current administration could cin>~h the economic disaster whose seeds Reagan has been sowing.

I know many of us had placed our hopes o Jesse Jackson. However he, for considerations that we c a n ’t know, is campaigning for, and giving more than lip service to, Dukakis. He, Corotta King and Dukakis stood together at the 25th anniversary march on Washington of Martin Luther King, Jr. Jackson has renewed the liberal wing of the Democratic Party so that it can be an influence on policy. We must realize the time is not right for a Jack son presidency. Had he been nominated, and were he to be elected, he would be ripe for assassination. Another assassination could shake the democratic process.

have been in what some people call the con servative swing of a cycle that we just may be coming out of. Whether we like it or not, that is the way people have been feeling. A new position takes tact. When frightened, as has been seen in some local gay civil rights elections, over-reaction can take place. Boston Councilman David Scondras wrote in an article advocating a Jesse Jackson presi dency that there exist two Americas. One is patriarchal, authoritarian, closed-minded, bigoted, puritanical and theocratic; the other strives for openness, political and social equality, tolerance, civil rights and more freedoms for everyone. The first is anti democratic in spirit, often identified with the political right and socially conservative. It advocates constraints on beliefs and behav iors and the use of force to restrain the d i s respectful. It believes in elites and not the common people having power. It has always ex ploited the earth and subjugated "lesser, in ferior" peoples.

Dukakis i3 a fair, intelligent and busi nesslike man. He has been a good governor of Massachusetts. He is very middle-of the road. Whether we consider ourselves liberals or revolutionaries or leftists or environmental activists or simply gay, I .belive our sympa thies lie with encouraging more freedom and choice; helping to create a more open society where all are accepted and respected. We must continue to examine what freedom really is. We should expand the concept of what it is to be human. We should follow in the liberal footsteps of our forefathers and riot wish to restrict the definition of "freedom" to a nar row propaganda word as used by the ideologists of the current administration. We in our gay ness represent growth and new ways of living, not the confining tradition of a dying past.

The second is humanitarian, broad in v i sion, believes in the natural goodness of all people when not oppressed and is often identi fied with the liberal ideal. It was the posi tion taken by Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Paine, Benjamin Franklin and others active in our revo1u t i o n .

Now that the Post Office has decreed both a rate increase and curtailment of services for lack of funds, and Oliver Nort+h has been indicted for u s u r p a t i o n s running amok, perhaps it may be possible to encourage citizens to take a long hard look at the so/called undercover gJing operations of the U. S. Postal Inspection Service.

the recent past there have been upwards of 40 full-time postal inspectors fabricating false communications and civil liberty hoaxes under multiple false identities from innumerable U. S. box numbers, and addresses in Hong Kong, Quebec, the Virgin Islands and Mexico. Woebetide the individual whose curiosity is aroused by these multiple unsolicited mailings!

The traditions of this agency go back to a certain Anthony Comstock, a bizarre censorship zealot, now generally recognized to have been a deviant religious psychopath with a penchant for disguises and personality switches. In his personal crusade against contraceptive

Messages usually start out with bogus political lobbying material and constitutional misinformation, may progress to "letters to the Editor," journals and clippings and go on to lipstick kisses: "I just love si 1v e r ’haired

THE POST OFFICE STING By John G. Swadey, information, abortion, sex education and “rubber" items, Comstock boasted of his skill in having provoked 15 suicides. In the Fifth Amendment, however, American society has recognized that neither suicide nor psychologic se 1f-dostruetion are legitimate goals of the common good, while the Miranda ruling was enuciated to interpose a barrior to overpoworing interrogatory brutalizations. The Post Office was not excused from observing the law, nor appointed to medical, judicial or moral authority. Neither has it been authorized to manipulate the law by conducting interrogations via secret 1etter-writing or

men," and "tell me about your fantasies."

Recently constitutional lawyer Allen Brown successfully challenged what he considered a case of postal infamy in Cincinnati, saying the operation "stinks." That it stinks is clear as well as medically and psychiatrically appalling.

The last prosecution by a postal agent which I looked at in detail involved an accusation of "child pornography" against a minister flight instructor well-known for educational efforts opposing neonatal circumcision on solid medical and historical grounds. He sent material to a male postal inspector in response to his repeated requests and supportive overtures. The inspector had misrepresented himself as a sincerelyinterested female who invoked the blessings of God to him, supplied postage and said she wishod to show it to a group of ten pregnant g ir 1f r i e n d s ,"

Four recent suicides of young men have come to my attention. All were forseeable given the techniques of mendacity, misinformation, isolation, disinhibition and psychopressures used by the Post Office operatives and their collaborators in a manner that Justice Frankfurter called "repugnant to the conscience." One of them concerns a young farmer father in the distressed Nebraska farm belt. Anticipating arraignment in a "reception of child pornography" postal hoax and mistrustful of all, he despaired on Nov. 2, 1987,leaving a devoted wife and sons four and six-years-old.

The defonse costs leading to acquittal of this charge amounted to $32,000, essentially the victim's life savings, while cost to government and postal patrons is estimated at $100,000. The seduction-obsessed undercover agont h a d n ’t bothered to ascertain that the material in question stemmed from a university dissertation commercially distributed under fodera1 copyright. More serious to life, however, was the fact that the defendant was continuously responsible for the safety of student pilots in the air as the attempts were made over a period of six months to entrap him. The minister had a marriage of almost 50 years behind him. while the pseudo-woman requesting his assistance pleaded for a confidential revisitation of “your exciting boyhood." I have,

obviously is the gullible, the trusting and the isolated who are at risk. But, according to Larry Lynn, legislative counsel for the A C L U , fewer than 50% of targeted victims respond at all. Those who do are said to be "predisposed" under the bizarre concepts of an antiquated case law which would regard sexual arousability as somehow criminal for purposes of prosecution, or embarrassment and intimidation in courtroom dialectics. The First, Fourth and Fifth amendments are, with matchless arrogance and irresponsibility, ignored, all this purportedly being for "child protection," and "investigation,"

communicating misinformation and disinhibition under any other title. The same may be said of the pursuit of "research information" under false identity and misrepresentation.

According to the information

Although it is too late for the Nebraska farmer and his destroyed family, there is an urgent need for independent psychiatric evaluation of the postal inspector involved in the above case. Doctors don't make legal allegations in such matters, but rather clinical observations and expert warnings. I hope the reader will recognize the necessity for congressional investigation of secret operations by irresponsible agencies and unfit men staffing them who have run amok, and of crimes against individuals, families and children that cry to heaven for retribution.

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a r e o b s e s s e d w it h good and r ig h t an d w r o n g , p u r it y a n d im p u r it y . W e are p o s s e s s e d by p a r a ly z i n g guilt

s u p e rio rity .

W e b e l i e v e w e h a v e v a l u e o n ly w h en w e m e e t th e s ta n d a r d s . W e s e e o u rs e lv e s a s o b je c t s to b e ju d g e d , a n d w e ju d g e o t h e r s a s w e ll . O b e d ie n c e is d e m a n d e d an d v a lu e is g iv e n a c c o rd in g ly . W e are not i n t e r e s t e d in q u a li t y , b u t ir.

v io la tio n s .

w h a t is g u i lt o r i n n o c e n c e . W e a re c o n s ta n tly w a tc h e d ( t e s t e d , s u p e r v is e d ) . W e le a r n to o b s e r v e o u rs e lv e s and im p o s e t h e s t a n d a r d o f t h e Ju d g e on o u r ow n e m o tio n s , b o d ie s a n d s p i r i t s . W e are t a u g h t t o p u n ish o u r s e l v e s f o r

g u i lt y

Ju d g e in flic ts

on th e

The

JU D G E

T H E :

an d

CEN SO R

O F

U se co n se n su s to v o ic e y o u r o w n tr u th . G iv e up p a s s i v e e n t e r t a i n m e n t a s a c o n su m e r and c r e a t e a l i f e - l o v i n g c u l t u r e t h a t is e x p r e s s iv e , e r o t ic , a liv e . C r e a te you r ow n d ra m a , a rt, m u s ic , p o e t r y , s o n g s , d a n c e , r itu a l, la u g h te r .

Finding a Voice:

M ake d i r e c t c o n t a c t w ith t h e b r o a d e r c y c l e s o f b ir t h , g r o w t h , d e a t h , d e c a y a n d r e n e w a l t h a t in r e a l i t y s u s t a in o u r liv e s . L e a r n t h e e c o lo g y o f y o u r p l a c e so y o u c a n p r e s e r v e a n d r e s t o r e i t s liv in g b a l a n c e .

Ensure Sustainability:

R e c la im tru e s e r v i c e : g iv e " g i f t s " t h a t s u p p o r t a n o t h e r 's g r o w t h , t h a t in c r e a s e th e ir a b ility to do. C r e a t e c o m m u n itie s o f s u p jjo r t .

Serve no masters:

Breaking Silence: T e l l y o u r o w n s to r ie s . T a k e r e s p o n s ib ility fo r y o u r w o rd s an d a c tio n .

.All m u s t b e r ig id ly o r d e r e d , in c lu d in g t h e s e l f . T h e b o d y is s u b je c t t o w ill r a t h e r th a n to n e e d , d e s i r e , h e a lt h o r in c lin a tio n . O n ly o u r lo o k s and p e r fo r m a n c e c o u n t. The a n o r e x i c is a s y m b o l o f t h is .

As m a s t e r s , w e b e l i e v e o t h e r s e x is t to s e r v e o u r n ee d s. As s e r v a n ts, we b e lie v e w e e x is t to s e r v e th e n e e d s o f o th e r s . O u r s e r v i c e is v a lu e d , w e a r e n o t. As serv a n ts, we s o m e tim e s fa ls e ly in f la t e o u r p o w e r a n d im a g in e w e h e a l o t h e r s b y o u r " h e lp " .

A f f ir m t h e w ild n e s s , t h e e r o t i c , t h e m y s t e r io u s n e s s o f y o u r s e lf . R a g e a n d c r y , f l i r t , b e liv e ly , fu n n y , s e x y , e c s t a t i c , a s t h e s e e n e r g i e s m o v e th r o u g h y o u .

Evoking Mystery:

Restoring Organic Order G e t in t o u c h w ith y o u r b o d y 's ow n n e e d s an d p r o c e s s e s , p a in s and p le a su re s. R e c la im th e fle x ib le o rd e r o f y ou r body.

W e a r e o b s e s s e d w ith control. W e a r e p o s s e s s e d by concern for appearances. A d d ic tio n s r e s u lt fr o m c r e a t i n g illu s o r y c o n t r o l s w h ile d e n y in g o u r tr u e n ee d s and d e s ire s . A n x ie t y a c c o m p a n i e s d e n ia l. W e know o u r p r o b le m s w ill c a t c h up w ith u s.

T h e o r d e r e r t y r a n n i z e s w ith f a l s e knowledge. T h e o r d e r e r b e l i e v e s t h a t a ll c a n b e kn ow n an d c o n t r o l l e d , t h a t t h e e a r t h a n d o u r b o d ie s a r e m a c h in e s . T h is q u a n t if i e d k n o w le d g e d e m a n d s o f us t h e d e n ia l o f o u r s e n s a t i o n s , o u r f e e l i n g s and o u r s e n s e o f in h e re n t o rd e r. O n ly o u r lo o k s an d p e rfo r m a n c e c o u n t.

O RD ERER

T h e M a s t e r c o n t r o l s u s w ith t h e threat t h a t i f w e f a il to p la y o u r p r o p e r r o l e s w e w ill n ot b e c a r e d fo r . We are t a u g h t t h a t w e a r e u n a b le t o c a r e f o r o u r s e lv e s . T h is g iv in g a n d r e c e i v i n g o f c a r e an d s e r v i c e is ju s t i f i e d by h i e r a r c h i c a l m o d e ls : t h o s e w ith m o n ey and/or s ta tu s a re s e rv e d b y t h o s e w it h o u t .

M ASTER

T R I A R C H Y

W e a r e o b s e s s e d w ith need — a r e o u r n e e d s b e in g m e t ? We a r e p o s s e s s e d by dependency. C o -a d d ic tiv e p a tte rn s r e s u lt. T h e s e r v a n t lo s e s t o u c h w ith h is / h e r t r u e n e e d s a n d th in k s o n ly o t h e r s a r e n e e d y . The m a s te r c a n n o t s e e th e n ee d s o f o th e rs .

W e a r e o b s e s s e d w it h isolation. W e a r e p o s s e s s e d by doubt. W e e x p e r ie n c e b o re d o m , n u m b n ess and th e in a b ility to sp ea k o r a c t. W e fo r fe it our re a l p o w er.

W e b e lie v e th a t w e a re u n iq u e ly b a d . We con ceal o u rs e lv e s so th a t ou r " w o r t h l e s s n e s s " w ill n o t s h o w . W e b e lie v e t h a t o u r s u ffe r in g is n o t c o n n e c t e d t o t h e s u ffe r in g o f o th e r s , th a t if w e k e e p q u ie t t h e p a in w ill go aw av.

T h e c e n s o r q u i e t s us w ith shame. I f w e e x p r e s s w h a t w e know o r f e e l, w e a re sh u n n ed and is o la te d . W e a r e b la m e d fo r th e r e a l i t i e s w e d a re to nam e. U nder th re a t o f is o la tio n , w e fe a r to le t our s tr e n g th and p o w er sh ow .

r U R E

condensed from Starhawk's new book Truth or Dare

B u ild c o m m u n i t y — t h e o n ly r e a l b a s is o f s e c u r ity . •

Establishing Real Protection:

f a c e o f th o s e you o p p o se. C o m e t o g e t h e r in d i v e r s i t y e x p e r ie n c e th e r ic h n e s s o f h u m a n p o s s i b i l it y .

Building Alliances Across Differences: S e e t h e h u m a n

W e a r e o b e s s e s e d w ith s a f e t y a n d p r o t e c t i o n fr o m e n e m i e s . W e a r e p o s s e s s e d by f e a r , an d h a v e r e l in q u is h e d o u r f r e e d o m , o u r a b i l i t y t o t r u l y d e fe n d o u rs e lv e s .

o th e r as en em y .

W e a r e se d u ce d to a fa ls e g lo r y : w e b e l i e v e w e g e t o u r v a lu e in g l o r y , in s u f f e r i n g , o r in b e in g a v i c t i m . We see e n e m ie s e v e ry w h e r e . A ny d if f e r e n c e , an y d is a g re e m e n t, is a n o c c a s i o n f o r d e f in in g t h e

T h e C o n q u e r o r manipulates o u r f e a r , c o m i n g to us a s a d e f e n d e r w h o p a in t s t h e w o rld a ro u n d u s a s d a n g e r o u s a n d th re a te n in g . D e a th , v io la tio n a n d h u m i lia t i o n a w a it us u n le s s w e c o m p ly .

CO N Q UERO R

A R C H I T E C

By Franklin Abbott As a c h M H ^ d ab°? circles from the fairies. " V 1 was * ive" Xb§_Big Book of Elves «nd F a i p e s , I thought it beautiful , “both in U s pictures and its stories, and still do I was so attached to it. its binder fell loose tod«vCOn? tant handl i n K - 1 still have it Itav in t0?k U ' °nCe Upon a time, to stay m my therapist's office and week after week would ask him to read me another story ... * 1 would sit on the couch with Earl luri” heT r o a d.ftnd I looked again at those pic.j w° Pictures came back most brilwni" r y iheno . hf “ asl««P under the ^ ° thar of th* H t t l e people dancing e 1 1 “ rinK arOUnd th. m o o n . think nf*f ? [ in« around the moon I always think of fairies dancing in a circle Eventuholo “ Sked E°r i for my book back and took it h° 7 , } could those stories myself now and look at the pictures whenever I liked. I learned more about circles when I went home to see the fairies in Ireland Even in the earliest 20th century there was still a V A : ? b°Ai' f th. Cot.ic “ unof thi« I P°e t YentS WQS a g reat collector heli i ° ,e, asked an Irishman once if he hi :id i; fni; r s : In a typical Irish way ® J° i d ' 1 wouldn't say that I didn't." Ihe Irish landscape doesn't help diffuse «n imagination intent on fairies. The heathered mountains, lush green valleys, miles bine wi!hWth n«d blackthorn hedge rows cornisland world6 m i ! .*nd the Wind to render the Sean who I n * * ma* i c a 1 ' My friend llv . 1V<1S in Bub 1 i n says his mother, who

U^bancT

tH° mldland b° g S ' had once heard

«I yin* TIhat h y\ s more n U h t than When a 8 little nei g h b ofrightr ay d dying. onin* nnd people ere e little frightened of * ” ° " " s * hon' lh«* regerd as members of an elder people now almost invisible.

It is curious in Ireland that people would taboo their p r e d e c e s o r s ’ holy places. There are stones ringing N e w g r a n g e , an ancient ceremonial mound, placed there by people who lived a thousand years later most likely to warn the curious away. Earthen and stone rings called fairy forts have long been walked around. You might step in one and not step out. Sean said a person stayed away from these places because "You just did." Yet they exist. Fairy forts, dolmens, ceremonial mounds amd stone circles cover Ire land. Now protected by the government, they were once protected by taboo. One should never endeavor to move a standing stone; to do so is to risk grave misfortune. The fairies may come looking for you. Perhaps that is why on my "witches tour" o Ireland the one I joined on my first trip, the Irish always thought us a little strange when t h e y ’d come upon us sitting in our circle inside one of the stone ones, or hugging do l mens or sitting again in our circle atop a ceremonial mound. One twilight we were sitting encircled on such a mound that rests on the Hill of Tara where the ancient kings of Connaught came to ma r Iu ^ L « ? rth and H million Irish gathered m the IBRO s in mass protest for Catholic civil rights. I t ’s an historical place and there were people around. We were having a naming ritual and felt secure enough having cast our circle and being elevated about 15 ft off the ground. I noticed as the ritual progressed a group of nuns watching us from a short distance. Finally one of them moved to ward us and started to ascend the mound. I wondered what we would do about her. She came closer and for a few minutes stood and lis tened. When there was silence she said,

Excuse me, may I ask what you are doing?" Our tour leader and teacher, Starhawk, turned to her and said matter -of-factly. "We are prac ticing the old religion." "Oh," the nun replied and slowly retreated. We finished our ritual undisturbed.

Deacon B u rt on ’s cafe in A t l a n t a ’s Inman lark is always a strange mix: Black and White blue collar/whi te collar; they all come for some of the best fried chicken in town. It's a place I take out-of-town guests. After the last March on Wash i n g t o n , as important an event as any in gay history, my lover, Charles Haver, engineered through his connections at Georgia State University "an evening with Harry Hay." It was the first visit to Atlanta by the founder of the Mattachine Society, the oldest homophile organization in the U. S., and one of the grand fairies of the radical fairy movement. He and his lover John Bu r n side, both now in their 7 0 ’s, came to Atlanta via Runnning Water Center and Short Mountain Sanctuary, their first visits to these rural fairy communities. Harry's speech at Georgia State attracted a large audience and the strong applause he has deserved for decades. Ihe next day Harry, dressed like a fairy, John. Raven Wolfdancer and I are waiting in line at Deacon B u rt o n ’s to fortify ourselves for an afternoon of what Atlanta offers her visitors: Martin Luther K i n g ’s birth home, crypt, the church he preached in and the Cy c l o r a m a , a huge circular painting and diorama of the Civil War battle of Atlanta. In Deacon B u rt o n ’s John and I, ahead in line, are talking about Robert B l y ’s interview in New Men, New Minds, a book I edited for the Crossing Press that also contains H a r r y ’s e s say on subject-Subject consciousness. W e ’re talking about connecting with heterosexual men, something I ’ve been doing for awhile via the changing men's movement. Ihe four of us make it through the line with our iced tea, fried chicken and corn pone. Magically a table opens for us and we sit in the midst of workers and lawyers at lunch and hold hands, cast our circle, bless our food, ourselves and everybody in the P l a c e ■ Although no comments were passed in our direction, the atmosphere was altered and we ate and talked in comfort; no one would disturb our philosophizing.

PAVU

Being myself of the "study war no morepersuasion for many, many years, conflict is always difficult for me. Like T h u r b er ’s Wal ter Mitty I can imagine a thousand situations where my courage triumphs over prejudice or ignorance. What happens usually is I find my self in conflict with a friend. When that happened recently. I found myself off center and looking for a way back to myself. For comfort I wandered through my library and found a pamphlet I'd been given several years ago by my then therapist, now sometimes m en tor, Earl Brown. It was an article he had written for a psychotherapy journal called Voices entitled "Intimacy and Power." In rereading it, I come again upon what seems to rne to be Earl s major thesis: power preceeds intimacy. It's simple enough: in strength I can surrender my defenses and prejudices, in surrender I can know another someone deeper and be known more intimately as who I am. s trength, courage, depth -- qualities sough after in different ways -- the fairy way, the eminist-inspired way, the psychotherapy way, all ways, roods to power and, bock to E a r l , power proceeds intimacy,

I have not always felt powerful os a gay I kept my homosexuality hidden deop in mysolf until 1 wnr; twenty. Coming out in 1970 in a small southern city on a small lib oral arts campus was traumatic. There were no role models and little immediate support. 1 lost fow friends, but most of my friends, still, were straight. I found a lover and we were welcomed, usually, by straight couples os social equals. In many ways we had a hetrosexual homosexual relationship. man.

Slowly I found others nt school and found the We Three Lounge on Cotton Avenue, Macon. Georgia. It w a s n ’t far from Capricorn Studios where Otis Redding had once, and the Allman Brothers wore recording. The We Three, or the bar" for short, was a strange mix. Being the only guy bar in town everyone went there (everyone meant everyone white in 1970). Ihere. in "the bar" were stereotypes raised to the level of archotype in the diesel dykes and drag queens. Yet it was the best place in town to dance and lots of my straight friends followed me there. I learned a lot about the brotherhood and sisterhood of lesbians and gay men in that bar. I am grateful it existed, tawdry and strange as it was. One night stands out most clearly. A small crowd in front was watching the amateur drag show, back at the bar was an altercation. A lesbian married to a gay man (I suppose for political reasons) was upset with him, drew a gun and fired. First I hu d dled behind some big dykes and drag queens on stage; we were too enthralled with the action to leave. Another shot was fired and we were taking turns crawling out the window in the drag q u e e n s ’ dressing room. The police in the alley asked us to go back inside. We proved beyond suspicion our innocence. and the vie tim and his would-be assasin were taken away, he on a stretcher, she in handcuffs. Lots of _ us lingered in the bar to speculate about the F shooting. Nobody took sides. We all saw it

as something that just happened. Gay people are less fazed by violence; i t ’s not that we don't hurt, we're just more used to it in our lives. *

The way to my first fairy gathering held ten years ago now in the summer of 1978 was paved with the loving support of many gay brothers and lesbian sisters. After a long exile -- self-imposed -- in rural south G e o r gia, I attended graduate school at the uni v e r sity in Athens, Ga. I had just broken up with my lover of five years. I was limping and I moved cautiously toward the campus gay organi zation.. Once inside it, I met wonderful men and women I could play with. who gently ini tiated me into living gay. It was at one of their meetings that I first encountered faygele ben Miriam. He was a wiry guy with in tense blue eyes and long wispy hair. He was wearing a black dress. Just recently returned back south from the Pacific Northwest, he talked about RFD, called himself a sissie and radical faggot. He horrified me and I was plainly fascinated. I stayed - with trepida tion - at faygele's home during the Southeastoin (Jay Conference in 1977. He was living in the country out a ways from Chapel Hill. N. C., with his mother Miriam. A book could be written about her. At that conference I met Charlie Murphy. Dimid, Dennis Melba'son and many others who, liking me, playfully intro duced mo to the ideas of radical feminism. I think it was there that I was "infected" with the "fairy virus." perhaps better called " loving, challenging support." I found the long obscured rood that would take me home to my hear t .

rienced together in our cirlcles, communal kitchen, sweat lodges and free-flowing frolic a sense of freedom none of us ever felt b e fore. It was a true homecoming heart-toheart. What was more, we all saw it happen.

1 was part of a group that hosted the noxt Southeastern Conference in Atlanta. We ran into trouple early on. Radical lesbians wanted separate space available for womenonly workshops. Many of the men opposed. Di alogue was heated, concensus lost; we had to vote. On the committee men and women had an equal vote. I voted with the women. Part of what gave me the courage to do so was my friend, Ierry Barfield, a gay man new to A t lanta like myself. Terry was from Louisiana - cajun country. He voted with me. Most of the men walked out. Terry and I continued along with his lover, Leif Sandburg, and we did have our conference, though the atmosphere between the women and the men never relaxed. At the close of the conference the women a n nounced they wanted to caucus and left us men sitting alone with each other. By default we had a caucus too.

lhat first magical gathering I met a man who didn't fit in. I ’ll call him Alonzo though that w a s n ’t his name. I ’ve liked the name Alonzo ever since I heard A1 Jarreau sing about Alonzo. Alonzo came from New Mexico. He came with a friend from Texas who had re sponded to our invitation in RFD to gather. Alonzo was Chicano, English likely his second language. He did not speak in circle so I'd find him on the farmhouse porch and we would talk about simple, personal things: what it was like in New Mexico, brothers and sisters and boyfriends; no philosophy, just basics. We were attracted to each other but I was ambivalent about moving too fast. I hadn't pledged monogamy, nor had he to his lover. All the same, I backed off. Later, on the porch of the unpainted old farmhouse, we talked again and I got up my nerve. It was too late. He had accepted another's invita tion. He asked me to intercede. It was one of my friends who had asked him. I pondered that one a long time. In the end I compro mised; we three would sleep together. But that just d i d n ’t work. We were all exhausted; there was little privacy. My friend drifted and Alonzo and I decided to go to his truck. I told my friend, who d i d n ’t seem to mind at all, and Alonzo and I walked up the drive u n der a starry sky only to find ourselves, u n dressed in the dark, too tired for much more than a quick orgasm and to sleep in each o t h e r 's arms.

A long-haired passionate man from North Carolina spoke. He was Mikol Wilson and he had a 17 acre farm on Roan Mountain, north of Ashville. Would we like to come up for a weekend that summer? Twenty-six of us did. Raven and Terry and I drove up. My newfound lover, Neil, had to work and stayed home. In the first gatherings at Running Water farm I met many remarkable men. Faygele was there always rabble-rousing. Dennis M a l ba ’son, Dimid, Aurora Corona and Tracy Brothorlove; the Louisana Sissies in Struggle (La Sis), Milo from Tennessee, Clear from Al abama.... 1 could make a long list. We ex p e

The next day I was leaving.

Alonzo

wanted to try again. I demurred, wanting a buffer between him and home. We spent the re maining hours together and I convinced him af ter much coaxing to bathe with me in the crys tal pool under the little waterfall just below the sweat lodge. He took off everything but his shirt. I coaxod some more and he tossed it down and we splashed cold water and squealed like we were three years old. I didn't tell him that I saw then what I hadn't seen the night before in the dark. I have never seen him since to mention what it was. He had a beautiful brown body and on one of his shoulders tatooed in red inside of a heart the word "Mother.”

The First Northwoods Faerie Gathering Spooner, Wisconsin, July 1988 by Blue Jay For many of the one hundred plus faeries who gathered at the headwaters of the Saint Croix River, this was a true homecoming: we saw many old friends from whom w e ’d been sepa rated in the past few years. A couple of men came from as far away as San Francisco to this particular gathering in the Midwest because this had been their childhood home which they had had to forsake long ago in order to create a decent life for themselves as gaymen. Most who attended came from Iowa, Minnesota and Wisconsin, but there were brothers from Toronto, Washington, D. C . , a good group from Illinois and men from Sandhill Farm, Missouri, Willow Hollow Ranch, North Carolina, faeries from Cincinnati, Ohio and Short Mountain, T en nessee. For those of us who live here, this was a sign that our beloved redneck area has finally come of ago and that faerie culture has takon r o o t .

Running Water as a fairy gathering place is ten years old. RFD is just completing its stay there. A few hundred miles away in T e n nessee is Short Mountain Sanctuary, a reserve for fairies fleeing urban blight. It contin ues to percolate with activity. Gay men have gathered in fairy gatherings many, many times down South. We have created places where we are free to be who we are at our most powerful and most beautiful. I meet the world with a different face than once 1 did as a young man who was both scared and fascinated with his shadow. And if I chance to see a ring around the moon, I know fairies somewhere, likely not far off, are dancing in a circle. I don't attend many gatherings these days, but the circle stays with me. I've taught magic in circles, co-led therapy groups in circles, circled at conferences and in restaurants.

A few years ago Terry Barfield died from AIDS. Our friendship had long lapsed; I hoard too late that Terry was in a coma in Crawford Long Hospital. My friend Cal and I went to gether. T i , as he later preferred to be called, was in intensive care -- strictly no visitors. We did our vigil all the same and also went to visit his parents. I just had tol see him one last time and so, acting as if I knew exactly what I was doing, I walked right past the nurses' station and I saw through the doorway in his hospital bed, the color blue, eyes closed, far away. Like the fairy princess in my storybook, Terry was asleep u n der the water. I know other fairy princes who* sleep there now in the dreamtime of the archetypes: Tracy Brotherlove, Dennis Melba'son, Crit Coin, Gibson Higgins, Ron C o hen the Sundancer. I do not know how long their slumber. I do know that they and many other fairy fellows, most of them still quite alive and fighting, have given me a splendid precious gift. Tattooed deep into the muscle of my heart is my own true name and there I know as purely as I know anything, that w h e r ever I am I am always at home, for my heart at long last belongs to me. So sleep on sweet princes while others of us watch and walk the world above working for the day when bigots will not cast their fears upon us and see their hate in our simple acts of love.

Franklin Abbott

This gathering, though, was not all peace and light. Wo nevor could agroo on a workable structure, and we had warring factions who hardly even attended Circle. We saw conflict over the issue of concensus versus paternal is tic control and had arguments about politics and "What is faerie consciousness anyway?" (Harry Hay and John Burnside wero with us and both formentod arguments and helped clarify some questions.) Even ecological questions became issues. What shocked me most, however, was the nmumber of beautiful men who camo to this gathering carrying heavy burdens of guilt and rage regarding their sexuality, social re pression and AIDS. (And I thought 1 was the only one scrowed up over these concerns!) We did manage to have a good circle every day. I can remember when we used to joke aabout "circle tyranny" when I lived at Run ning Water. But my experience at this gather irig has taught me how important the circle is for our consciousness. Most of us were able to vent and shake off anger and guilt with each other in circle. I arrived at the gath ering all blocked up inside, and left with a warm glow (and spiritual hard on). My own emptiness was fillod with energy from my brothers in circle, and it didn't matter whother they wore expressing harmony and love, or hurt and rage. It was just sitting in cir cle on that sacred land with these beautiful brothers that filled mo to the brim with a tangible vibration. I was ready to return home to continue the holy adventure of trying to be my true Faerie Self. -Bluo Jay

,h‘Torch

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lots of money) can be most attractive. It is easy to buy into the pleasures of the ’f l e sh ’ so to speak. Unfortunately, I have found that once relinquished, reclaiming those powers of selection is an extremely taxing process; try to stop smoking! But if I can remain in control and decide my own fate rather than relinquishing my life to things, (even things like understanding), I find I have stumbled upon what I feel is a very important point to me. That is, at every juncture in my life I am faced with choices; a veritable crossroads of decisions.

by Rafael Sabatini Amongst all the verbal manure we are exposed to in our lifetime, there sometimes sprouts flora of such a nature that we stare in amazement. A friend wrote: No doubt the best and bravest philosophers of all are city dogs, sad-eyed, wise and weary; padding diligently down the lonely blocks of an unkempt world. But even they need to find a dandelion, braveblooming in the cracked concrete.

While I am sure that this revelation is old hat to many of you, I realize I can vegetate at the crossroads; make no decisions other than to watch "Wheel of Fortune" or venture one way or another at the crossroads. It is at this venturing out point that I must be very careful; for the reason to venture out can itself become a dog pound. Pursuit of any end (even the Holy Grail) can blind the pursuer to the wondrous things around him/her while traveling. I have found that I have spent time blindly watching "Wheel of Fortune" as well as pursuing Holy Grails. I do not condemn either pursuit. But I have found that rather than continuously searching and never finding a specific end, i.e. understanding, I am now more inclined to replace it with the concept that the purpose of the search is the search itself. The search is not the end; rather, I I can come across numerous ends along the way (dandelions, hunks, money, pain, sorrow, joy, etc.) but I consciously choose to continue to search. Once one has decided to search rather than watch "Wheel of Fortune" for the duration, then the preparation for the search can be very important. Baggage should be geared to the nature of the search, the duration of the search and the desires of the searcher. A trek to climb M t . McKinley with only very skimpy swimming briefs is sure to leave the searcher cold and uncomfortable (though quite a vision to other climbers to be sure). Conversely, a Holiday at a Club Med Resort in the Carribbean with only parkas, long johns, ropes, pylongs and ice axes would be ridiculous. I have, in the past, packed all sorts of very unnecessary baggage: briefs on mountains and furs for the beach.

Oh, but where is this to lead? Well, I have spent a very long time searching for what I thought was the true end: understanding why I am. I have not been too very successful. Glimmers have appeared occasionally but the I feel that I am your/the city dog. I travel down endless city mazes searching for answer is evasive. So I take a new tack. I what 1 have been told is understanding; that consciously plan to search. If, along the way, illusive ideal that I'm not fully convinced understanding stomps me flat, then I will deal even exists. However, in accordance with all with that end. However I plan to treat my that I have been led to understand, I find universe as a huge hanger with me as a very mysolf continually and doggedly (pun intended) small (well, not so small) mouse running around pursuing that quite vacuous ideal. the hanger. When I come across interesting things, I will pursue as ends but not ends of the search. I shall smell the dandelions, Occasionally I am ’n a b b e d ’ by the dogcatchers and placed in solitary confinement share dog biscuits with others, attend fairy in the all so pervasive dog pound. That fatherings, bake pecan pies and continually ’n ab b i n g ’ can take many guises. The physical search until at some point I can search no world (like an expensive car, a hunky man and more .

KITCHEN

GINGERBREAD 3/ a c. oil 3/4 c. honey 1 c. mollasses 3 eggs 3 c. unsifted whole whea't flour I Tbls. baking powder ].'j tsp. cinnamon tsp. gr. cloves 1 tsp. ginger ] tsp. salt

H U E EM c BY BUDDY MAY

2 c . milk

Preheat the oven to 350 and grease up a 13 X 9 “ pan. In a large bowl, mix oil, honey, molasses, and eggs til well blended; set aside. Combine the dry ingredients and add to the honey mixture alternately with the milk. Pour into the greased pan and bake for approx 50 min.. Cool on a wire rack and cut into 16 servings- about 335 calories per serving.

Greetings everyone, Well, I hope that all of you fade it through the long hot, dry sunnier alright. I mean, if w e ’re going to melt and run down in our pumps, let’s do it over a hot man. Thank the Goddess that cooler weather is now here, especially the cool nites. Th ey ’re great for cuddling up with someone special. Now that fall is here again, we can get back into the kitchen and start do ing some baking. We all know how impressed that someone special is when he finds out we made it with our own two little hands. The cornbread recipe I’m using is over 100 years old and al ways comes out great. The gingerbread is really good, especially with a lemon sauce over it. The apple-cranberry pie uses seasonal fruits and is a nice end to a holiday dinner or for that Solstice party. I hope you’ll give some of these goodies a try in the coming months and enjoy them as much as I do. I want to take this time to wish all of you a beautiful holiday season and all the best for a HAPPY NEW Y E A R 1

GRANDMA’S

APPLE-CRANBERRY PIE with CHEESE PASTRY 2 H 1 H

c . cranberr ies c. water c. honey c. all purpose flour tsp. cinnamon H tsp nutmeg

i'fbKf-bKilr 3 c. sliced cooking apples Put cranberries, water, and honey in a large saucepan; bring to a boil. Reduce heat and cook for 5 min. or until berries pop. Combine dry ingredients and stir into the berries til thickened. Stir in butter and apples. Remove from heat and let cool. While mixture is cooling, roll out bottom crust and put in a 9 ” pie pan. Spoon fruit mixture into pie shell. Roll out top crust and put over pie. Trim, seal, and cut steam vents. Bake at 375 for 55 min. or until crust is lightly browned.

CORNBREAD

1 !i c. cornmeal 'i c . flour

3 tsp. baking powder 1 tsp. salt

DOUBLE CRUST CHEESE PASTRY

1 e88

1H c. all purpose flour H tsp. salt

2 c. milk/yogurt J4 c . oil

■i c. butter 3/4 c. shredded sharp cheddar cheese 3-4 Tbls. cold water

Preneat oven and a 9" cast iron skillet with the oil in it. Mix all of the ingredients except the oil in a mixing bowl. Take the skillet out of the oven and pour the hot oil into the baterr while stirring it. When the oil is blended in, pour the batter into the skillet and bake for approx. 25 min..

Combine flour and salt., Cut in butter and cheese with a pastry blender til it resem bles coarse meal. Sprinkle with cold water 1 Tbls. at a time. Stir with a fork til dry ingredients are moistened. Shape into a ball and chili.

cologists in recent years have not found medical reasons for circumscision.

valid

Nevertheless a thorough washing of the pe nis after intercourse is believed to be a cr u cial factor in safeguards against venereal in fections. More recently, a study in Nairobi, Kenya showed that uncircumcised men were 9 1/2 times more likely than the circumscised to be come infected with AIDS after visiting prosti tutes. The study involved 291 men.

THE CUT

A Canadian physician analysing the study noted that the mucus membrane inside the fore skin can facilitate the transmission of the HIV virus. The foreskin also can conceal small sores and areas of inflamation which can lead to quick infection, and provides a warm, dark breeding place for a variety of incubations. A circumscised penis is a lot easier to clean im mediately after possible exposure than an u n cut one.

AND THE UNCUT

Publicised studies show that of the 50,000 males who have contracted penile cancer since the 1 93 0 ’s, only ten have been circumscised. For men who are aware of the importance these days of cleanliness, and even for those who a r e n ’t, appearance is what is most impor tant. The penis is an object of attention and excitement, a fetish for many, and whatever may be done to enhance its appearance has always been popular.

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Among societies where the uncut were more common than the cut, or circumcision was asso ciated with wealth and status, removing the prepuce of the penis has traditionally been a mark of distinction. A beautiful phallus is always circumscised, some admirers of beauty state. But many men in America, where mothers have been browbeat by circumcision pro ponents for the last 75 or so years, grit their teeth at such statements. They are more in clined to associate masculinity with the natu ral look.

By Roger Rogers with additional material by Benjamin Cutt and news sources The first methods of circumcision were simply to stretch the foreskin over the head of the penis and cut it off with obsidian or flint. Obsidian is almost pure glass and knives of flint and other vitreous stones have been found by archeologists with indications thoy were used for circumcision. The operations were probably performed on infants born with closed foreskins. Other c ir cumcisions were perhaps performed on adults suffering from infections. And some religions some people say prompted by public health reasons -- asked for the removal of the fore skin as a covenant between man and God. The modern practise, however, has almost been abandoned in Great Britain and New Zealand, and has declined greatly in Canada and Australia. About 80% of American males are cu r rently being circumscised at birth, though, a l though the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American College of Obstetricians and Gyne-

Whatever o n e ’s personal opinion about male beauty, it is interesting to read a t raveller’s notebook about his trip to Arab lands where circumcision was normally postponed until boys were about seven. The traveller got down from his camel, took out his notebook and made notes as he watched the circumcision of about 110 desert boys. They were busy all day, he relates. A youth would come up to sit astride a large keg, his penis hanging down over one end so the m ed ical cadre could get at it. The cadre would dip a forceps in boiling water and latch onto the b o y ’s foreskin to stretch it out. He worked fast -- about one boy every three m in utes. With a frequently sharpened scalpel, he would slice the skin round in a single cut. Sometimes it took two. It was considered u n manly for a boy to cry out, although occasion ally one did. No anesthetic was used. When done the boy would go over with the others and scoop up hot sand to pour over his wounds. He may or not be more beautiful n o w . He would be less apt to get infected if he d i d n ’t wash himself thoroughly after future sexual encounters.

ejaculating with his body pressed against mother earth. My mind flashed on Christopher Larkin in Tbe_.Blue_Lagoon leaning back against a huge boulder masturbating into the o c e a n ’s crashing waves. Or the stable boy in Equus riding bareback in the moonlight, naked, erect, spurting. I noticed a hot-looking tree so I stopped for some arboreal frottage. As a body therapist, most of my work these days deals with the effects of fear on gay men. More and more men are reporting constriction in the chest and numbness in the genitals. Since we love with our heart and our genitals, the Big Constriction is more deadly than the HIV virus. For those people into healing the heart-genital connection and for those into exorcising fear from their bodies, I recommend daily conscious breathing and daily quality sex .

The anthropologist in me loves garage sales. An urban dig. What are folks clearing from their lives and at what price. Last Saturday I found a faded blue t-shirt inscribed with the words, "So Many Men, So Little Time." I looked up at the owner. His eyes seemed to say, " We r e n ’t those the good old days?" "How m u ch?” I asked.

About five year ago I realized that I was subventilating and had been for most of my life. If I d i d n ’t want to feel an emotion or body sensation, I would just slow down my breath. I would breathe enough to stay alive but not enough to feel pleasure or pain, sadness or rage. I could got a massage, hove sex, see an emotional movie and yet not feel anything bocauso I w o u l d n ’t breathe.

"Twenty-five cents." he replied. As I went to pay him, he changed his mind. "Take it free. It's a co l l e c t o r ’s item.” I thanked him by taking off the shirt I was wearing and pulling on this artifact of his past. I gently stroked the words on my left teat, smiled my best if-we-had-time- enough-and-wor1d-enough this w o r 1d - w o u 1d-end -d i fferent1y smile, and said, "These are the good old days."

I got involved in year-long training in Rebirthing, a conscious breathing technique where I learned to connect my breaths, not pausing at the top or bottom of a breath. 1 also learned to pull air into my lungs and then to gently release the exhalation rothor than push it out. I learned to play with my breathing.

My new shirt reminded me of a recent somany-men situation. In mid-March I received an invitation in the mail: "Blessed is he who c om e s. .. at the Hairy Palm Sunday Picnic on March 31 at Land's End," The invite went on to say that "some hot hairy palm buddies" would be "freeing the urban landscape through bold, discrete, loving, public action." The major graphic was, of course, a huge hairy palm.

The scary and wonderful result was that my body became charged with life, vibrancy, ch'i. I felt streams of energy through my body where 1 had felt only numbness before.

Wild horses c o u l d n ’t keep me away. March 31 was perfect weather, sunny with a gentle breeze. I d i d n ’t have much trouble finding the " jack -patrol" just up from the tilted hut. Thirty naked men were stroking and partying. Men continued to arrive as the afternoon p r o gressed.

Conscious breathing also helped me get back in touch with my erotic self. Healing the heart-genital connection is worthy of daily attention. Yes, there are so many men to love and so little time.

I spread my blanket and slipped into something more comfortable -- my natural state. The sun and the ocean breeze felt good on my naked skin. As I oiled and massaged myself, I became conscious of my breathing. The erotic charge began to circulate through my body. For two hours I vibrated with warm orgasmic rushes. A perfect Palm Sunday afternoon in the park, playing with myself and playing with others.

I leave you with a passage from with„a_Woodpecker by Tom Robbins: ...to approach sex carelessly, shallowly, with detachment and without warmth is to dine night after night in erotic greasy spoons. In time o n e ’s palate will become insensitive. One will suffer (without knowing it) emotional malnutrition. The skin of the soul will fester with scruvy. The teeth of the heart will decay. Ne i ther duration nor proclamation of c o m mitment is necessarily the measure ~~ there are ephemeral explosions of passion between strangers that make more erotic sense than many lengthly marriages. There are one-night stands in Jersey City more glorious than six-month affairs in Paris. But frankly there is a c o m mitment, however brief; a purity, h o w ever threatened; a vulnerability, how ever concealed; a generosity of spirit, however marbled with need; an honest caring, however singed by lust, that must be present if couplings are to be salubrious and not slow poison.

As I drove back to Oakland, I experienced much clarity of thought and feeling: I am tired of necrophilia. No more sex with dead or h a l f dead bodies — my own or others. I am tired of vampire sex -- looking for someone for someone to turn me on, to make me come alive. I am tired of Night of the Living Dead bathouses and sex clubs and tea rooms. And most of all I am tired of fear -- fear of men, fear of myself, fear of erotocism, fear of life and death, and fear of love. Dancing erect on the beach is wonderful medicine. Last Sunday I went running in the Berkeley hills wearing my So Many Men t-shirt. I thought of Alan Bates in Women_in_Love running his naked body against tree bark and thistles, rolling in the underbrush of a lush glen,

eyeballs ached with seeing: we d o n ’t have forever. The yellow leaves continued to sift and flutter down through the forked branches, wedges of geese honka-honked across cerulian skies. At night we hid from frost in separate rooms. And the dog, left outside, unused to such in-house absorption, rebelled by eating the moon. Where do you think I am now? I ’ll give you clues. Oceanfoara and cracker j ac k s , two yellow and white striped cabanas on an otherwise empty ash-gray beach, a pewter sky. Give up? Of course you did. You gave up long before the dog went mad and the stars blew their fuses and I said I'm leaving. It s cold on this veranda. Everyone else has gone inside. I've been here for hours waiting for the moon. The b 1ack-sheeted ocean has a white froth fringe. One more glass of wine and I 11 call it a night. One more glass of wormwood, waiter, mulled. H e ’s at my side, his arm swathed in towels. 'One more, Sir?" say n o .

He yawns.

He hopes

"Yes. L e t ’s conclude with a Frog's L e ap,” which I c a n ’t really afford. We 11 be closing the veranda service s o o n ."

That s how it is here. Everyone is accommodating and indifferent. The ocean knocks beneath our feet. I can feel the Pilings of this hotel sway and groan when the tide comes in. But no one else seems to notice. They turn their faces inland, where the money is. Here, I ’m an oyster turning over and over its grating pearl.

3" «

By Tom McKague The dog has swallowed the moon. It was a sad bone, a bone without marrow. He was severely disappointed. You should have seen him straining at the leash, standing at length on hind legs as if he were mutating, chomping at the clear night sky. The stars were too remote for him, so he tried for the moon, hich, after a seisure of canine megalomania, e ate. whole and fully. He sleeps all the timo now, moon-pregnant in the kennel, yelping in dreams of a cosmic litter.

What is really wrong is that the world has gone flat. There were the leaves and the squirrels and the clean white rooms of course, but where were you? Thinned-out, drained of intensity, barely there at all. I expected roiling seas and I got cold clam broth. Well, there are plenty of fish. A young man in a red and black checkerboard flannel shirt is standing by my table, smiling. He has the littlest, whitest set of teeth I have ever seen.

You insisted we at least eat well. Day in, day out, you cut down on bread and salt, and uped the vodka. The sun came up, lingered, went down behind the trees that we scarcely noticed dying for another year. Piles of yellow leaves built up at the back door. The squirrels were at the window sills, gnawing on the green husks of the black walnuts that were popping all over the place. You went to work, ate lots of lettuce leaves and carrots, numbed yourself in the evening with martinis so you

"Hi.

You from out of town?” he says.

"Isn't everybody her e ? ”

” 1 work late and when I get off I ’m up for a good time." Isn't everybody? I say nothing. One of those century pauses filled with ticking clocks and undefined expectations. " I ’m a waiter, the r o w ." Oh,

chair. it ."

I see.

you see.

At a hotel down

Can I buy you a drink?"

Sure. He s got his clue. He grabs a "I drink Southern Comfort. Lots of

The secrets of yellow and white striped cabanas. The ocean boils over almost at our feet with dark, tumultous preoccupations. The nibbles of his cornrow, pearly teeth are moonshocks at my nipple. His hair at my lips is redolent of kitchen grease, saltspray, cavewater. Does he want money? An ersatz father? Ihese are the mysteries we must learn to live with, those of us far from home. If I think of you at all, I think of you as a cold blue star below the horizon. His name is A 1 . As in, "Tell me you love me, my name is A 1 ."

I'll fall off. For all practical purposes, the world really is flat. It occurs to me that the sharing of these flat spaces for a stretch of time with someone who is there with you choosingly because it appears to be the best place to be at the time is the best you can expect. It occurs to me here in this lavishly nowhere place that once you've shared the shock of a moon-eating dog with someone you'll never be able to unshare entirely again. It occurs to me here with my hung-over head in my hands that the sun and the leaves and the geese slipped through your fingers just as they did through mine. You of the cold blue star beyond this horizon did you think we could ever unshare? I ’m talking to you. I ’m talking to you about the untensity of day-to-day sharing which was your point. Here on this intense edge I w o n ’t survive long. There's a knock on the door. It's too insistent to be maid service. It can't be the manager; the room's paid up. "Go away.

I d o n ’t want to see anybody."

"Open up.

It's me."

"Who's me?" In the morning I awake alone with a head full of fog and a mouth of sand. Salty sand. I've been eating the beach. I ’ve eaten a sour oyster. It bobs in ray bad stomach.

you ."

Come with me," I remember him saying. "I know a place." Not much else was said, except My name is Al. Tell me you love me." So I came with him on him in him he in me by the sea by this beautiful ash-gray sea oh let's see how happy we'll be and we were I guess for a while until the dog got strange.

That boy. Maybe this time I ’ll get to remember what he looks like. I unlatch the door. He pushes his way into the room. Ho ’s big, bigger than I romember, with a blocky, cement-colored face. He has on the same checkerboard shirt. I can see what I saw in him under the circumstances, though I c a n ’t say in daylight I'd do it again. His aquiline noso is flared with set purpose.

I hear your side of it, d o n ’t worry. Your side of it is that I have unreasonable expectations and spin around in restless circles and mate with the neighbors (but that only after your fifth martini) and leave mustache clippings in the sink. I want the moon to be a bowl of cool blue water the sun to be too high to get snagged in the forks of trees the grass in spring to be green fire the gold leaves of autumn to be money enough. Just what are the prerequisites for decent survival? First I have to get out of this tent. Do you know where I am yet? I m in my hotel room mustering up the courage to confront the bathroom mirror. I hunched my way through the lobby and up the elevator like a failed thief before. Out my window a small treeless city sprawls toward marshlands on a flat coastal plain. Most of the houses, even the new highrises, seem to lean inward away from the ocean. The midmorning sky is a pewter plate. everyone is still asleep.

It appears that

I ’d like to share this with you. Desolation is good for the diet. You can swallow it or not, i t ’s the same nothing. This burnt-orange shag carpet, this wrought iron chandelier that nods dimly at medieval Spain, this rock-hard vibrating bed draped in a plump purple acetate quilt, these are the incongruous litter strewn at the end of a path, an end at the edge of a continent. If I go any further.

”A 1 .

From last night.

I ’ve got

to see

" I need m o n e y ." I know the waiter.* "I need money now." "I d o n ’t have any." It occurs to me to be afraid. I ’m not really living this. I t ’s a conjuration devised for your entertainment. "Listen you old scum. Did you think it was you I wanted? Now give mo what you've got." He pushes me on the bed and pulls a knife out of his leather ankleboot. "See this?" One big thick-fingered hand is at my throat. The other slashes the knife upward as if he would slit the ceiling. And there at the face, behind his parted, thick blooded lips, those pearly, cornrow teeth, the face that whispered "Love m e , ” in the dead of night. My money s in the top dresser drawer. It's all I have.” Would he really use the knife? His amber eyes say yes, they say drugged-up, dangerous, defeated. They spin and shine like the last glass marbles in the game. His desperation is immediate and intense. He flies off the bed and dumps the top drawer on the f l o o r . Balled socks, underwear, keys, coins, loose bills heaped in a hill of paltry booty. Poor boy of the glass-strewn back alleys of this done-in town, you'll never see twenty-one if you go on this way. In one second there is murder in your hands, a murderous hunger that eats the heart out, then you grab the money and run out the door. I can

see that it i s n’t personal, that you have to do what you have to do. There is a purity of sorts in the brutal honesty of any desperate act, yet I tremble at the ferocity of your jungle-alley justice. Wild brute dog of the backways, what bone will this buy you to gnaw on for a while? I tremble in the wake of doors slammed shut, of reverberations down unwindowed halls. I feel the grip of your vise-tight determination at ray throat, see the glint of the indifferent knife. Run back to your shadow-throngs alleys and red-lit rooms with your pawful of of loot. I won't tell. I know where it ends.

/ R l

~ T ~ / ‘o a J

^ K

By Joseph Salack This crazy world? And life! So much mad ness outside, turmoil and some madness inside too. But somehow my inner and outer experi ences are different; the adjectives with which I label the world and my actions are not the same. One of the common elements, though, seems to be a sense of out of c on t r o l . I know (in my bones, not just as something I'm famil iar with) and believe the new age truth that we can and do create our own reality, our own lives, world, future. And part of my under standing of that idea involves the awareness that anything we say is only half true, that paradox is rampant in our world, that things and ideas also contain their opposites.

Well, now I ’m broke. What will I live on? I can't eat the stars. The hot shower hisses, you're alive, y o u ’re alive. I try to remember A1 in a better moment. It's important to keep things in balance. I remember him biting my nipple, the twinge of it an electrical pleasure-pain pulse all the way down to my groin, the warmth of his full-bodied lips around "Love me," the thrust of my body on his body, the ocean pulling at the land with blackgloved hands, and then all the lights went out until I awoke with a faceful of sand and a sour stomach. There were no knives under the yellow and white striped cabana by the lap of the sea. There was a knife in his big boot though, a knife to cut a heart out like an applecore. This living on the edge has serious pitfalls. Now do you know where I am?

When I used to live in a community that was rather isolated (i.e., none of us reading a paper or seeing/hearing a newscast with any regularity) I was for cancelling our subscrip tion to Time because it was printed on glossy paper that someone else was against burning b e cause it released toxins into the air that hurt the trees around us. I thought it was irre sponsible to want Tine but not think about the consequences once we were done reading it, that it was okay to take it to the dump 10 miles away and let it get burned there, the toxins floating over the Rio Grande gorge there. I had the conviction as well that Time was at least 98% bullshit, containing lots of this w e e k ’s sensation but no substance. But then there was another p e r s o n ’s argument to continue the subscription, agreeing it was largely poop but wanting to see what mainstream Americans were being fed and perhaps even believing. It was her desire to maintain a little window on the world with a slightly paranoid glance over the shoulder.

And where I ’ll be? I ’ll be on a veranda when the ocean turns blue again under a yellowleaved umbrella sipping a glass of F r o g ’s leap waiting for you. Waiting for you to find me. remembering the trees and the geese and the appraising stare of your sure-blue eyes, so sure you were right not to ask for more, and never unquest ioningljr asking for me to be any more but there to share with you time's mellow moanderings below unassailable moons and predictable suns. Last night's waiter is at my table again. His face is refreshed with sleep, food and purpose. "Can I get you something?" "Do you know someone named A1 who works around here?" "A1 d o e s n ’t work. floats."

That little scenario shows the convolu tions that individuals can go through trying to reach agreement on a rather small matter. Not even a glimmer yet of the things that I per ceive are really crazy — the millions Reagan and Americans are giving to aid contras in Nicaragua, the toxins we pour into our air and water, nuclear proliferation, the omnipresence of oppression whether one is black, gay, a woman or whatever, the penal system, wonder bread -- the list goes on and on. from the heartwrenchingly tragic to the ludicrously r i diculous.

He just kind of

"All the same, do you know where to find him? He has something of m i n e . ” "Oh." the waiter sighs, "he could be anywhere."

JUMP CUT no. 33

And we go on, day by d a y . ...

all new look magazine format

What prompted me to start writing this morning was my reading an article called "Biblical Arguments for Slavery." In this es say (in Free_InquiryJ._Springx _ 1 9 8 7 l , Morton Smith explains how nowhere in the Bible is slavery decried or seen as morally objection able. Jesus never stood up or said anything against slavery.

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CREATE YOUR O W N REALITY IN THE ’80s

To me this is both sad and hopeful. Sad that Jesus, this historical figure of love and compassion never spoke up for people whose lives were the property of other men. And hopeful in that it portrays Judeo-Christian values as changing, evolving, even progressing. I'm a gay man who fell away from the Catholic church just after grade school largely because of an emptiness I felt in its ritual, but also largely because it invalidated my in ner experience as a man who loved men. I knew that my loving a man could have all the in tegrity and value that this religion and our society accredited to male-female love. And so I came to view the Bible (not a terribly s ig nificant book to me personally, just too G o d awful prominent in our culture, sort of like Time), not as divine revelation (that happens inside all of us when we get quiet enough; I don't need it forced down my throat), but as stories of God that expressed values that those specific cultures had developed at that time. My picture of the Bible is different than that of Christian orthodoxy. It's not that these the autho rs of the B i b l e , were wr iti ng i what God whispered in the i r e a r . It was they were having Go d say the things they eved , the values the y had interna 1ize d from r cul tur e and experi ence . And so in the e the pr ev alence and total acceptance o f ery . Slav ery was an accep ted part of the :uTe. And s o , also, the damnation of man sping with m a n . The pat r ia rchy of the old and new testaments and the men who formed that patriarchy were very much threatened by men loving men, women loving women. I think i t ’s good to note and bo aware of how over 2000 years slavery has moved from an unquestioned and totally accepted practise into one that is not even thinkable in our times (the last vestiges hopefully soon to vanish in South A f r i ca .. .apartheid having been set up through biblical reference.) 1 think it gives us an interesting perspective when we, as gay men and lesbians, are so heartily condemned by our Judeo-Christin society which draws on scriptural passages to support their homo p h o bia. Just as slavery has faded into history, especially through social reform that took place in the 180 0 ’s, I have the hope for a c c e p tance of gay lifestyles by the mainstream. Over the past 30 years gay men and women have made tremendous progress in claiming a right to] their lifestyle. To me the distance yet to go to being accepted can sometimes be overw h el m ing, because in truth there is still a long way] to go. Tolerance is something that legislation! can decree, but acceptance -- t h a t ’s a whole other stage in consciousness, something which to me is very hard to imagine our culture show ing toward gays. To me, reading that article on slavery this morning made it clear that there does exist social progress and evolution, that it proceeds in an order of succession and that some stages are painfully and oppressively] long .

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I believe that the struggle for liberation] is the only way to achieve liberation (creating] our world....) Whatever the s n a i l ’s pace, or perhaps even the setbacks that look like steps backwards, every act we make of coming out and standing up for our rights does have signifi cance and effect.

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By Thomas Landry This is a country journal for gay men and therefore I feel it is important to examine the special relationship that radical faeries can have to the land. Our time on this planet is increasingly endangered by nuclear war and enviornmental genocide. Humanity's destructive relationship to/in nature needs an alternative direction that places us symbiotically in the ecological order.

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I want to highlight one aspect of enviornmental degradation that to some degree exists on a much more theoretical plane than perhaps a chemical c o m p a n y â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s endless pouring of insidious toxic waste into our rivers. I want to examine the male heterosexual land ethic as potentially destructive in the way that heterosexual men feminize nature. Heterosexual men become iconographers creating women as symbols of a mythical and pure nature which is untouched by male civilization. The heterosexual male land ethic says that women are their bodies and that women more closely represent nature because of their reproductive capabilities. It is important to note here that I am not responding to the cultural creation of a female/nature paradigm as seen through the eyes of heterosexual men. Of course not all straight men are alienated from/by the Earth, nor do all straight men define women as the orators of the Earth spirit. Equally, not all gay men are implicitly connected to the land. A gay man from the inner city may not feel as connected to the land as, say, a straight man who studied enviornmenta 1ism in college. Finally, an important distinction between gay men and radical faeries needs to be made. This essay makes this distinction because it understands that gay men can be as equally patriarchal and mysoginistic as some heterosexual men. Radical faeries, however, stand at the threshhold of a new beginning in which our sexuality can no longer be denied, ignored or taken for granted. As radical faeries, our sexuality is the root of our power. As radical faeries we must free ourselves from the tyranny of our society, the tyranny of other men who demand of us to disassociate ourselves from our body and the "feminine" self which connects us to the Earth. To do this, though, I think we need to more cleetrly define and elaborate on a radical faerie philosophy. My purpose in this essay then is twofold. First, I want to critique the pervasive male heterosexual attitude which is anti/ecological. This critique will look at how some heterosexual men subjugate and romanticize what I will call the "female/nature" principle. But a radical faerie identity based solely on a critique of heterosexuality is implicitly homophobic because it assumes that our identity doesn't exist or cannot be validated without heterosexuality. Unique to radical faeries is that we are constantly transforming our legitimate anger and frustration. Rather than being trapped and limited by our rage, potentially causing us to think violently of

ourselves, our rage should become the impetus to move ahead, to move beyond the daily destructive thought patterns so to develop our faeriness. Hence the second purpose of this article is to advance a radical faerie philosophy. Radical faeries stand on the edge of acceptability, particularly because of their special relationship to nature, which has shaped and formed their gender.

association they think will only serve to keep women in a subjugated position. So much has been written on this debate that an attempt to wade through the material and produce cogent mini-essays on the different arguments would be redundant. It is outside the scope of this paper to struggle with this issue. As stated earlier, my purpose is simply to examine the ways in which a heterosexual male response to this analogy is potentially destructive both to women and to the envior n m e n t . The fema1e/nature connection has been exploited and manipulated by men throughout much of western civilization. Historian Marilyn Arthur writes in her book Becoming Visible: Women in European History:

The classical Greek Polls justified the ovolution of its patriarchal social structure in myths that civilization had been a hard won victory over nature, with male moral authority triumphing over (what is per coivod as) female irrationality. This misogynistic sentiment arose during the transition from an aristocratic to a more broadly based society. [Parentheses mine.*)

We now begin to see the roots of this pattern that is equally pervasivo today. As with the Greeks, our culture shapes men to be the controller and tamer of nature. And when men equate women and the natural world, an attempt to subdue, control and destroy women will logically ensue. During the scientific revolution the Mother Nature stereotype became even more of a disadvantage for women. Carolyn Merchant in The Death of Nature writes:

PERPETUATING THE FEMALE/NATURE PARADIGM

The fema1e/nature connection is the cause of sharp divisions in radical feminist thinking. A prerequisite of this essay is an understanding of the debate over the feminization of nature propagated by spiritual feminists and sharply criticised by political feminists. What seem to lie at the heart of this debate is how spiritual feminists and political feminists think of their bodies. Political feminists are attempting to move beyond the body as an iconic sign of nature. They think that women who perpetuate the mother/earth analogy are then denied access to the culture; a culture that spiritual feminists claim is so far defined in patriarchical thought that to salvage any vestige of the culture is to simply perpetuate it. Radical political feminists may have ecological concerns in mind but these principles do not rest on the idea of a female nature, an

An organically oriented mentality in which female principles played an important role was undermined and replaced by a mechanically oriented mentality that either eliminated or used female priciples in an exploitive manner. As wostern culture become increasingly mechanized in the 1600â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, the female earth and virgin earth spirit were subdued by the machine.**

So we begin to see the pattern emerging even more clearly. The operators of M er c h a n t â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s "machine" were wealthy white, hetrosexual men who, in the transition from an organic society to a mechanistic one, degraded and devalued women. Obviously no one will exploit and destroy something or someone that they highly regard. Therefore, men increasingly

disconnected themselves from and relegated nature to that of a resource or commodity to reap profits from. And, because men thought of women as synonymous with nature, they denigrated women to housewives. The English family during the scientific revolution became more patriarchial and authoritarian. If women worked outside the home they took lowly economic positions in the growing capitalist e c o n om y .

patterns that move across the sky. I am alive. I am alive. I tell myself. As a Radical Faerie I sensitize myself to the wilderness because I know that my relationship to nature is highly charged with the erotic. The odds are great because I live in a culture where most men sexualize the earth in a perverse way. Where most erotic feelings have been shaped and manipulated into a destructive force that appears to activate only in the face of danger, violence and excitement come into play. But Radical Faeries are keenly aware that this is a destructive form of the erotic.

Ihe fact is that the feminization of nature and the perpetuation of the female/nature paradigm by heterosexual men has always been a tool of subjugation. Heterosexual m e n ’s insistence that nature is implicitly female has always served to dominate, essentialize, romanticize and vulgarize women. Creating women as an iconic sign is exactly the way in which women have been denied access to the symbolism of the male culture. It w o ul dn ’t be a male culture if women were allowed access.

A Radical Faerie philosophy is not just about destroying one gender system and replacing it with another. It is more about letting go of all previous assumptions regarding o n e ’s gender. It means standing on th6 edge of a cliff looking into the mirage of images that society feeds us. As our toes curve up around the rocks, stones bounce off the walls of rocks sending signals that cry. It s a long way down." We have our eyes closed. It is so easy to turn back. No one is forcing us. In fact society stands around us with open arras smiling to our faces, but, as we know, with a pistol to our backs.

Iho dynamic of men creating women as iconic symbols of nature is not some random fabrication. This dynamic is deeply rooted in how boys and girls grow up in American culture. Simply put, boys learn to deny any feminine or nurturing characteristics within themselves ar.d to be assertive and domineering. Girls, on the other hand, are taught to be submissive and v u l nera ble.

Contemplation is often a precarious position. If we stand too long a good gust of wind can rouse up from behind forcing us to an early death. But a collective death as socially acceptable young men awaits us if we make the decision to turn our backs on the vast expanse of nothingness. It is unfortunate that positive change is rarely regarded as tolerable.

1ho connections between capitalism, heterosexuality and ecological destruction are too numerous to expound on here. But the fact is that our capitalist economy mandates a heterosexual existence because, with few exceptions, men are the breadwinners forcing women to a subservient position. Heterosoxuality and capitalism views the land as a commodity or resource to be exploited. A male heterosexual land ethic allows for the destruction of the enviornment because it names the land as something pure, female and other; yet ready to be destroyed or used. This destruction is based on the denial of "feminine’’ characteristics within oneself.

It is a kind of androgynous existence that is based on a sense of interconnectedness. Radical Faeries are masculine and feminine personified. We see the wilderness as an infinite blending of masculine and faminine characteristics rather than solely ’’feminine’’ or something that only women can relate to. Accepting the feminine" self and developing it within each of us heals the wounds of separation that are destroying the planet. Because we see our bodies as feeling, emotional and connected to the enviornment, we consequently sharply reject the perpetuation of the stereotypical nature as female" paradigm which subjugates women and denies men access to a connection with nature. Placing women in this Earth Mother ' position is equally destructive for men because never will this position allow men to develop their own source of self-nurturance.

DEVELOPING A RADICAL FAERIE PHILOSOPHY What happens when we explode the old ways of thinging about the female/nature paradigm? Radical Faeries recognize the power that nature has to change the gender constructions. Currently our culture views nature purely in an exploitative, non-reciprocal manner. But when we see nature as implicitly part of us, as well as humans being implicitly part of nature (breaking down the natur e / c u 1ture dualism), we see the power it has in providing someone with a sexual identity.

Being gay is an implicit part of our Faerieness because it gives us the ability to break down hierarchies and resist patterns of destructive existence. I question the ability of straight men to break loose from dominant/subordinate dynamics that comprise the majority of heterosexual relationships. Of course, being gay also entails developing and working on a sense of interconnectedness and love that is sustaining. Making love to a man with a Radical Faerie vision in mind seems to me to be the ultimate confrontation to our dualistic culture. It is, among other things, a profound act of subversion and an ominous threat to the entire capitalist, patriarchal order.

At night I step through the pine forest and hoar the soft layer of needles crackle underneath my feet. The moon's light makes •Marilyn Arthur. Becoming Visible: Women in European History. Bridentha 1/ K o o n z . Houghton Mifflin Co.. Boston. 1977) p. 60. ••Carolyn Merchant. The Death of Nature; Women. Ecology and the Scientific Revolution, (Harper A Row Publishers. San Francisco. 1983) p.2.

all people; a world where people are judged (if we c a n ’t refrain from judging altogether) not by who they choose to love, but by their capacity to give love.

LETTER FROM THE COCONINO COUNTY J A I L

On October 11. 1987, I took part in the March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights along with six to eight hundred thousand people crying out for justice and an end to oppression for the right to love freely whom wo choose. The world turned its eyes. Why? Time and Newsweek, although constantly harping about press freedom here and in other countries, never even mentioned our march, although Time did allow room in its health department of coverage of the alleged Patient Zero. It had no qualms about implying, against evidence to the contrary, that such criminal irresponsibility is endemic to the gay population. The National Park Service issued an "official" estimate of 200,000 people at the march. I came home as if from the twilight zone. No one had heard of it or, if they had, they thought it was a small demonstration. But it was the largest civil rights demonstration in the history of this country.

By Lin H. Elliott The day I ’m writing this is the celebration of the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. The debate over this observance has been long and bitter. In some areas like Arizona — it continues. In Congress, old unhealed wounds were opened as those opposed to the holiday continued to resist it with customary, vitrolic words. That this controversy took place at all is a sign of how far wo have come in the struggle against racism; that it was fought so fiercely is the mark of how far we have left to go. So how do I feel about this new holiday? I am ambivalent. Certainly I recognize the truth and value of Dr. K i n g ’s work. In a nation prone to idolizing thieves and murderers, King is a real hero and a genuine martyr. But another part of me is forced to ask: what about Crazy Horse? Or Chief Joseph? What about l e c u ms eh , or the massacred women and children of Wounded Knee? What about Harvey Milk? What about the more than 25,000 people dead of AIDS while Americans closed their eyes. When will remembered?

these heroes and martyrs be

In the 1 9 6 0 ’s, Martin Luther King led a quarter of a million people in the Civil Rights March on Washington and the world shook. In Washington, King made his famous speech. "I have a dream," he said. He dreamed of a world where his children would be judged "not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character." He dreamed of a world where Jew and Gentile, Protestant and Catholic, black and white, could all "say in the words of the spiritual, 'Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty I ’m free at l a s t . ’”

Ihoro is something far worse than just silence at work hero. There is an active and malignant silence, a refusal to acknowledge, a suffocation of a people's voice. The news blackout leavos us in an Orwellian wonderland. What happened, d i d n ’t. I can only wonder at other non-occurences the media has neglected for the press of news it considers worthy. There is a story about Henry David T h o r e a u ’s night in jail. Reputedly Ralph Waldo Emerson visited his incarcerated friend and asked him, "What are you doing in there?" To which Thoreau replied: doing gu.t there?

What are you

Thoreau went to jail for refusing to pay his taxes. He felt so strongly about tho immorality of slavery that ho could not, in good conscience, support a government that condoned i t . Can we continue to support a government which watches our brothers and sisters die of AIDS while spending millions on SDI fantasies and the illegal war in Nicaragua? Can wo support a government whose highest court says that homosexual people are not protected by the Constitution? Can we support a government where congressmen on the floor of its senate can openly call for the quaranteen of all people who test positive for HIV and label safe sex information which has saved the lives of countless men, obscene? The week after our march on Washington, Congress passed a bill denying federal funds to any organization which "directly or indirectly" advocates homosexuality. That was one result of our march. Thus they cut off gay men's health services around the country which have done more to disseminate accurate information and slow the spread of AIDS than all the agencies of the government combined.

Lesbians and gay men, Native Americans and pagans, are notably absent from King's speech, and even more so from the vision of his inheri tor s . Well, with all due respect to Dr. King, I too have a dream. I dream of a world where tru-e freedom, including sexual freedom, freedom not just to express ourselves but the far more fundamental freedom to be ourselves, belongs to

Can we continue government?

to support

this

The Declaration of Independence states the case succinctly:

by police and white civilians. We hold these truths to be selfevident: that all men are created equal and that they are endowed by their creator with certain inalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness; that to secure these ends governments are instituted...deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed; and that whenever any government becomes destructive of these ends it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it.

And us? When we are willing to declare ourselves openly defiant not once but every day; when we are willing to risk, and lose, our jobs, friends, social positions and lives; when we can carry direct action to the people of Amer ica continuously and unrelentingly; when we sit in and march on our Birminghams and M on t gomerys; when we are willing to take the deri sion, can bear the blows, can accept having fire hoses turned on us. are willing to bleed our supposedly contaminated blood in the streets and never, never strike back with vio lence; when we are able to rise up in all our numbers and create a moral crisis of sufficient magnitude to paralyze this nation, then -- only then -- will things begin to change.

It is past timo that we, bisexual, lesbian and gay people, withdrew our consent from this government. It no longer does -- in fact, it never did -- protect our rights. It, and the society from which it springs, are destructive of our lives, our liberty and our happiness. We must alter it to survive.

Active, non violent civil disobedience is, perhaps, the most powerful and effective tool for social change ever created. Yet, like all methods of revolution, it can be co-opted by the state. On October 13, two days after the march. I participated in the single most empow ering and triumphant event of my life -- the Gay and Lesbian Civil Disobedience at the Supreme Court. I was so emotionally stirred that several days later when I called my par ents I cried so hard that I c o u l d n ’t describe the demonstration. It was the second largest civil disobedience ever held in Washington (only the historic May Day protest against the Vietnam War was larger) and again the press ig nored us. Throughout the day we admonished po lice with the chant, "The whole world is watch ing!" But, tragically, it w a s n ’t true.

By common estimates (Kinsey’s ten per cent) there are approximately 25,000,000 homosexual men and women in America. I suspect this number is conservative, and by the time we include all those who are openly or secretly bisexual, the count soars. What would happen if, on April 15, instead of paying the taxes we supposedly owe to a government that no longer represents us. every lesbian, bisexual person and gay man in America sent the IRS, instead, an official statement proudly proclaiming his or her sexual orientation and refusing, like Ihoreau, to support this immoral government? furthermore, what if all that money formerly earmarked for taxes were donated directly to the fight against AIDS? This would show the world we are not cheating or evading, but refusing, and that our motives are not monetary but moral. Truo, wo would most probably be prosecuted by the hundreds of thousands and sent to jail. But courtrooms across the country would become our forum, and they could not ignore us!

I knew s o m e t h i n g was wrong; the entire event had been orchestrated. Even as the demonstration was occurring, 1 knew something was wrong: the entire event had been carefully orchestrated. CD organisers had met with police officials for months beforehand to insure that everything went smoothly. And it did, despite friction with Capitol police (who refused to wear their b ad g e s ) , and despite officials stunned by the unexpectedly high num ber of arrests. It was a magnificant day but a far cry from the spontaneous resistance at Selma, Ala. In the end, I fear, our CD may have-been a very efficient pressure relief valve, allowing us to vent our rage in harmless fashion while the state looked on and smiled.

1 am not currently in jail for reasons as noble as these or those of Henry David Thoreau or Martin Luther King. There was nothing to be proud of in my arrest. T have failed for many years to face up to ser us personal problems which have repeatedly disrupted my life and those of those around me. Still, I c a n ’t help feeling that probably Thoreau was right. In the country which has given us the Hardwick d e cision and the Reagan administration policy on AIDS, is there any more freedom "out there" than in here? Our march was a grand thing, and since Stonewall the gay rights movement has made great advances, but in the final analysis it cannot compare with the black civil rights movemont. Not in passion, duration, impact or depth of commitment. Writing from a Birmingham jail, Martin Luther King said. "The purpose of direct action is to create a situation so c r i sis-packed that it must inevitably open the way to negotiation." In India the followers of

I am only beginning to discover the depth of my rage, and how deeply it has wounded me. 1 was told recently by a gay man who favors “assimilation", that we would all have mush less trouble if we would not "flaunt" our gay ness. The public, he seemed to say, will never understand gay men as an oppressed minority be cause, from their point of view, we had everything, in particular those of us who are white middle—class males, and "chose" to give it up. We can still have it all if we are discreet and willing to pass for straight.

Ghandi marched empty-handed into the guns of B n t i s h soldiers. In Alabama. Georgia and South Carolina, black protesters were beaten, jailed

or county with a sodomy law, a law against ho mosexuality or an "unnatural acts" statute, lesbians, bisexuals and gay men by the hun d r e d s , the thousands and even millions marched on their police stations with signed confes sions demanding to be arrested. Imagine if we just sat down and refused to leave until we were arrested. Imagine if we openly p r o claimed, "I am lesbian! I am bisexual! I am gay! And if that is illegal in this country, I would rather be an honest person in jail than a free hypocrite!"

By co-incidence I was in a peasant skirt and blouse the night he visited. That, u n doubtedly. was flaunting. But if discretion means that there are important parts of my pe r sonality which must be painfully suppressed and that I must censor myself and have to live a lie to the detriment of mental and emotional health, then that ’‘choice" is no choice. And some of us could never pass for straight even if we wanted to. The price is too high. Consciousness of anger imposes a decision. We can continue to turn it inward self-destruc tively on ourselves. We can turn it outward, in violence. Or we can choose the third, most difficult path: to channel the anger and pain into positive goals, dedicating ourselves to use that energy for constructive change.

What would happen? People would lose their jobs, their free dom. their friends, their families. There would be violence, hatred and reprisals. But the law enforcement people would be staggered, the precincts paralysed. The jails would o ve r flow. The court system would grind to a halt. As the first shot in a sustained campaign of civil disobedience, such a show of unity would shake the people in power. We could not be ig nored .

I know it must seem easy for me to say these t h ings. I am a man with literally nothing left to lose. But I have everything to regain, starting with the pride and self-respect that was taken from me years ago. Furthermore I believe there isn t a gay man, lesbian or bisexual person in America better off than I am. We are all d e spised and imprisoned by hate. The very act of loving one another makes us criminals. Sexual orientation is at the core of human identity, a basic determinant of who we are. By limiting the acceptable sexual roles open to us, society in effect places constraints on how much of ourselves we have available. Pretending to be other than what we are warps and cripples us. A few marches and isolated demonstrations, no matter how large or empowering, are never going

Historically, the path of concessions to oppressors is the path of suicide. Polish Jews, in the interest of peace, allowed greater and greater injustices to pass unchallenged un til, trapped in the Warsaw ghetto, they wore left with only the grand, futile gesture of rt» bellion without hope. Anyone who believes "that couldn't happen here," isn't reading the newspapers. jesse ne rms is only one of the men in Congress who has advocated quarantine for I’WA s . Japanese Americans found out in World War Two how quickly a minority's civil rights can be withdrawn when the public's fears are fanned by inflamatory government policy. Only recently, Pat Robertson, a candidate for prosi dent of the United States, told a group of his supporters that he would not allow this country to be dictated to by radical homosexuals." "If we have to fight them in the streets." Robertson said, "let's fight them and win." No less a "moral" loader than Jerry Falwell has gone on record with his belief that "repentant" drug abusers with AIDS should bo helped, but that the government owes nothing to the gay community because we brought on our plague by our choice to be h o m o s e x u a l .

Direct action must create 3 crisis situation. to change that. Dir e c t _action_must create a crisis_situation| It must, initially, worsen conditions. It must increase tension to the breaking point -- until eventually the people of America are forced to confront the injustice and look their own inhumanity in the face. Ihis means suffering. This means exposure. Ihis means making ourselves easy targets of bigoted violence. An exclusive society has a vested interest in limiting the options open to its citizens. It will not change unless forced to do so. And we must bear the price of that change.

But,

of courso,

it can't happen here.

The main difference between Nazi Germany and British India was not, as some people say, the madness or humanity of the rulers. Britain had shown itself capable of murderous oppres sion in India and elsewhere. It was the re sponse of the people.

What I am talking about is a sustained and creative effort which will demand from our pe o ple tremendous commitment, imagination and sac rifice. It will require new and innovative means of engagement to meet the sometimes s ub tle, corrosive prejudice we face. It will re quire massive efforts of public education and *ill necessarily spring from the hearts and souls of our people out of the conditions from where they live. Such actions must evolve spontaneously as events progress. For that rea son I will limit myself to one more suggestion.

We must resist oppression now. Direct ac tion -- civil disobedience -- has changed the course of history before and can again if wo have the courage and solidarity. I d o n ’t believe conditions for bisexuals, lesbians and gay men are going to get better in the near future. I d o n ’t believe there will be second chances for many of us. To quote Presi dent Lincoln, "the world will little note nor long remember what we say here...." But if there is anyone left to look back on these times with the integrity to call genocide by its proper name, then they can never forget what was done here."

Imagine what would happen if some sunny morning, at the same time, in every state, city

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BY FRANKLIN

ABBOTT

H e r e ’s an experiment to try regardless of your musical tastes. Turn on your radio. Listen to pop, country or soul for one hour Notice how many of the songs sung fall into tow categories: heartbreak and desire. Not to spoil your research. 1*11 share my own findings. Popular stations where I live play almost nothing outside of those two categor ies. How, one might ask, does the repetition of these themes affect the listener?

ical abuse exist overtly or covertly. Simply put, we are all to one degree or another co dependent. Anne Wilson Schaef has several excellent books on the subject. A popular book available in most drugstores is Wymen Who Love Too Much. Co dependence is a com plex phenomenon that we each need to be aware of. Otherwise we listen to our radios mind lessly (or watch TV or conduct our affairs) subject to subtle programming that keeps us focused on romantic love, buying its accou trements, living less than half a life. We neglect our need for community, creativity, spiritual deepening, and social change.

One day at my gym, an urban temple of the body, I was talking with a friend about the melodramas in this relationship. Popular songs were pumped through the sound system and I began to notice how our conversation would shift in subtle ways that corresponded to the music we were not really listening to When the music went sad, we moved into talk ing about the sadness in my f r i e n d ’s re l a tionship, When the next song was hopeful, so were we. This went on long enough for me to notice several shifts. In a funny sort of way I felt programmed by the music I was hearing. Programmed for what, though?

On the other hand, music can enchant, in spire, arouse, redeem and bring us closer to transcendence and transformation. Some popu lar artists do this for us. Tracy Chapman and Mark Isham are two examples of musicians who are popular and yet retain artistic in tegrity. However, if you are looking for music that will raise your consciousness and change your life, you are not likely to find it at K Mart or in the big record supermar kets in shopping malls. This is especially true if the recording artist is gay or polit ical1y to the left. What follows is a list of recent records that through the channel of your ears will nourish your heart and soul.

H e r e ’s one theory. Jello Biafra of the Dead Kennedys talks on his album "No More Colloons" about the rule in the music indus try that promotes the themes of heartbreak and desire, i.e. romance — to the exclusion of all other themes. He calls popular music government music." Popular music rarely touches on the political or spiritual aspects of our being. What it does touch on and re inforces, and reinforces, and reinforces, is that having somebody to love equates with happiness (desire gratified) and the flipside of happiness, heartbreak, comes from losing your lover (only to be remedied by getting him back or finding another pronto).

PETER ALSOP is a singer and songwriter who addresses his progressive music to children (and adults with child inside enough to enjoy a c h i l d ’s view of life). Peter is wise and tender in his fo 1k -inspired music. He is a delight in performance when his fine sense of humor quickly closes the gap between him and his audi e n c e . A good album of Peter's to start with is his E§n Club Favorites recorded with adults in mind but with the innocent humor of c h i l dren woven throughout. It costs $10 and can be ordered from Peter at Box 960, T o p a n g a . CA 90290. Ask for a catalogue of P e t e r ’s other albums and tapes. These make great holiday gifts for kids of all ages.

What we are talking about here is co dependence or addiction to love (and sex and melodrama). People who are co-dependent come from unhealthy families (find a healthy fam ily in this culture) where substance abuse, neurosis, workaholism, sexual abuse and phys

MICHAEL CALLEN is better known as an AIDS survivor and activist than as a sinser/songwriter. His debut album Purple H§arl is changing that. The song from the album I hear over and over again in my head is "Love Don't Need a Reas o n . ” Callen c o wrote it with Peter Allen and Marsha Malamet. It's a song about relationships and love as a force for transcending attitudes, rules, and bad luck. "Living in Wartime" is a song Callen wrote for ACT UP that challenges our social complacency calling it "a conspiracy of silence" in the battle against AIDS. Not all of Callen's songs are serious. His ren dition of "Where the Boys Are" takes Connie Francis' camp classic off the shelf and back into the gay mainstream. No one appreciated it like we did anyway.

HEARTSINGER, a.k.a. Richard Strange, is known to many a fairy for his unusual countertenor singing at fairy gatherings. He has recorded Ron L a m b e ’s "Songs of Love and Nature" using his high voice and his tenor with interesting effect. This cassette is of special interest to readers of RFD. Ron Lambe chose poems from the journal to make into art songs that are reminiscent of songs by Debussy and Ravel. The art song is an underappreciated musical form that combines classical music and poetry. It is an acquired taste. H e a r t s i n g e r 's vocals are perfect for R o n ’s songs, sometimes playful, sometimes haunt ingly sad. His countertenor recalls Klaus Nomi (sans the c a m p ) . His tenor is earnest and androgynous. Friends I've played the tape for have wondered about the sex of the singer. For fairy music, this is a high com pliment. The songs are grouped into four sections, each with its own distinct mood moving from the melancholy to the transcen dent. The words and music mix well in telling a tale of country living, gay con sciousness and love of nature. lleartsinger's vocals are always sincere. He puts his heart in his music and deserves respectful atten tion for his efforts. The full 60 minute tape may be ordered for $11.00 from Lavender Lieder, R t . 1 Box 115, Bakersville, NC 28705.

Callen has a lovely voice that inspires and soothes. His songs are full of meaning and his message is recovery through tender ness, honest anger and humor. I am looking forward to his second album, his third, and fourth... To buy the first, send $10 to Ladyslipper, Box 3124, Durham, NC 27705. FLOR DE CANA (Flower of the Sugarcane) is a Boston based group of seven musicians that presents music inspired by the Latin American "New Song" movement. The group formed after a tour of Nicaragua and blends Latin musical tradition with jazz, folk and Caribbean m u s i cal styles. Rich vocal harmonies and great instrumental facility are the hallmarks of this group of socially astute musicians. W’i 1 iie Sordill. known for his musical contri but ions to the changing m e n ’s movement is a member of the group. His saxophone blends sweetly with charango, tiple, and zamponas. Rosemarie S t r a i jo r ’s vocals are beautiful and her harmonies with Laura Burns and Sue Halt Cortes are often breathtaking. Their c a s sette is available for $7 from Rosemarie Strnijer, 7 Elmer St. #2, Cambridge, MA 02138. An album is forthcoming.

GEOFF MORGAN is the chief troubadour of the changing men's movement. He sings about social change, real relationships and spiri tual quandaries with a county accent. I t ’s true to his origins as a singer/songwri ter in Nashville where once upon a time he wrote schmaltzy ballads for the likes of Barbara Man d r e 11 and Ronnie Milsap. He left Nashville to follow the part of his h e a r t ’s concerns for greater justice and social h a r mony. His songs are as brave as he is. His new album, "Talk It Over." is a mix of seri ous social commentary and tender talk about the complexities inherent in living with an open heart to the world. He sings about AIDS, male friendship, male violence, working things out and daring to dream in a well recorded album that features Nina Gerver's wonderful guitar and back up vocals from Charlie Murphy, Kim Scanlan and Randy Hilfman. The album is available for $10 from Edgework, Box 4082. Bellingham. WA 98227 or from Flying Fish.

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RON ROMANOVSKY and PAUL PHILLIPS have won many a gay heart (and tickled many a gay funny bone) with their evanescent duets in concert (where they glitter) and on vinyl (where they shine). Their new album "Emotional Rollercoaster" consists of musical vingettes of gay life in the 8 0 ’s. Known for their musical humor, they do not disappoint us in songs like "Straightening Up the House." "My Mother's Clothes," and "Give Me a H omosexual."

BETH YORK heals with her music. Not only is she a registered music therapist, she is a composer and performer who channels a deep spiritual presence through sound. I have heard her play for the Atlanta Circle of Healing many times on piano and synthesizer texturing instrumentals with beautiful vocal tones. Her music creates clarity, compassion and grace in those who listen.

But fun and games isn't all gay life is about nowadays. "Be On the Safe Side: is a song about safer sex meant to instruct and remind. "Loving With AIDS" is a potent, hopeful ballad about the tragedy of AIDS in the life of a man who struggles to live with his predicament and live well. It is a song from their hearts and it brings tears to my eyes, not of despair by in marvel at our courage as gay men as we face the peril of plague in our everyday lives.

Her album "Transformations" is carefully crafted orchestral music for a new age The title cut is ideal for meditation with piano rising and falling in lovely synchronic!ty with flute, oboe, sax and bass. "Dolphins" is an ode to dolphins and the sea that mixes dolphin songs with synthesizer and vocals from Beth, Susan Ottzan's miraculous harp and Karen Sassman's rich English horn. "Go to Sleep" is Beth's dulcet lullaby antidote for insomnia and invitation to sweet dreams. "Transformations" is a tool for personal healing and growth much needed as we struggle against AIDS, despair and depression. She sounds a note for hope, for inner peace that is essential as we heal our hearts and trans form our world. Beth is a pioneer in pro senting music that blesses us all. "Transformations" (album or cassette) is available for $10 from Ladyslipper. Box 3124. Durham. NC 27705.

"Emotional Rollercoaster" is available on LP or cassette ($8.95) or CD ($13.95) plus $1 postage. Order from Fresh Fruit Records, PO Box 4418, Berkeley, CA 94704. ELISE WITT AND THE SMALL FAMILY ORCHESTRA is an Atlanta based musical group consisting of sweet singing Elise and her sister Mary and M a r y’s husband, Rick Ruggles, and Rick's childhood friend, Steve Harris, and their neighbor, Beth Heidleberg. Fine tuned har monies, backed by skillful guitar, violin, french horn, flute, and mandolin make for a rich mix of musical textures. They play original music, Southern folk and Latin ballads on their new album "Holding On."

* * * * *

Their dedication to socially relevant music and their individual talents as singers and musicians combine for a sound that satis fies the mind all the while touching the heart and spirit. Their renditions of Holly N e a r’s "Sing to Me the Dream" and John McCutcheon’s "No More" are especially beauti ful, but their rendering in Spanish of Salvador C a r d ev al ’s "Guardabosques" with S t e v e ’s haunting violin and Elise and Mary's tight and tender vocals will make you fall in love with them. "Holding On" is available for $9 from Elise Witt and the Small Family Orchestra, Box 116, Decatur, GA 30031 0116.

Here's another experiment to try regard less of your musical tastes. Order the above recordings, one of them, some of them, all of them. Turn off your radio, turn on your stereo and listen. Re program vour life and your dreams. Listen more and watch your life change, your fears h e a l , your loves deepen, your awareness increase, your activism inten sify. Just as, in a sense, we are what *c eat. so are we also produced by our senses. Joe Orton said, "Prick up your ears." Do we know what we want to hear?

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Meeting the Queer God (a true story to be read and sung aloud) By Sparky T. Rabbit poetry by Donald Engstrom music transcribed by Tess Catalano

This

is how it started.

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bathed in the cold stream, they ate. they made quoor magic, they gossiped in their tents while the rain poured down. They mot the Queer God in ritual; Michael and Donald guided them through. They sang Donald's song to call the god: Purple God, Queer God, Green God, Faerie God.... They called to him and he came to meet them. They mot the Queer God. When they left that place, they built an altar in the sprinkling rain. They song... Golden God. Faggot God, come stay with us.

Donald was sick. Very sick. And some times he know he was dying. And while he was sick (especially during the dying parts), something Interesting happened. A god began to visit him. In his daydreams and nightdreams. in his meditations and speculations. A god began to visit him. "What is your name? asked Donald. His name was the Queer God. And he had come to stay. Donald talked with the god, but mostly he listened and watched. Donald became excited. He told some of his friends about the Queer God, and they began to talk and to watch too.

Ihe devotees of the Queer God went deeper in. Michael and Donald and Peter shared the ritual of Meeting the Queer God with other guy men and faggots and faeries. More holy queer faces of the god appeared: in dreams, in mu sic, in fire, in art.

Ihe Queer God showed that he had many faces. L a t e r , Donald wrote this information into a s o n g .

A queer god came to Donald, His name was the Singing Bear. He loved and protected queers fiercely, slashing apart the enemies of queer people with His Holy Claws.

The Singing Bear

(#2)

He He He He

shows no mercy. shred their lips with their own lies. shows no mercy. blinds their eyes with their own illusions. He shows no mercy. He burns their beards on fires of their own hatred.

And there was an important difference about the Queer God. He wasn't Dionysus, he w a s n ’t Hermes, he w a s n ’t Pan or Cernunnos or any of the other gods they had expected him to be. Those names did not fit him. He was the Queer God. He was quite emphatic about that. He was all queer. And he was for queers alone. He would come only when queer voices called to him. He was Queer for queers. Queer lover, queer brother, queer guide: the Queer G o d . And Donald did not die. better .

He He He He He He

Instead he got

He He

Then it was May. A gaggle of faerie friends went camping together under the full Flower Moon in the Iowa countryside. Donald Engstrom was there. Michael Blake was there. Peter Soderberg was there. And others -boyfriends and artists and lovers and friends. They walked in the field of dark earth, they

shows no mercy. binds their chests. binds their arms. binds their legs with the ropes of fear that they themselves have braided. shows no mercy. bloats their bellies on their own cherished greed. shows no mercy. leaves them to rot in piles of their own shit. shows no mercy to the enemies of His people. -Donald L. Engstrom

Peter was a witch. Years ago he had written a song to the Triple Moon Goddess:

Lover of cocksuckers.Lover of queers. Lover of strong arms and sweet songs.

Holy Malden huntress, Artemis, New Moon, come to us.

He comes dancing. He comes singing. He comes with power woven into His Hair.

Artemis,

Silver shining wheel. Radiance! Full Moon, come to us. Ancient queen of wisdom, Dark Moon, come to us. The Singing Bear

Hecate,

Radiance! He He He He

Hecate,

pleasure gardens and sex temples. He who screams in pain as another of His lovers leave for an unknown shore. He who weeps unashamed at the bier of the one who held his cock so tenderly between his c h e e k s . He who whispers gently His undying love. He who licks the honey from lips, eyelids and warm c o c k s .

(#1)

His love is a prairie breeze blowing over the plains of queer bodies. His love is a deep well refreshing the love of His people. His love is a grass fire, burning and prese r v i n g .

Peter loved the new song. He also felt that not everyone hearing it would understand the image of the Singing Bear, so he adapted Donald's lyrics to evoke a more accessible form of the Queer God:

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who sings healing songs. who chants the story of self-creation. whose voice destroys cities. whose voice lays new foundations for

His lavender eyes see through the flaming hearts of suns, into the dark healing of the Great W o m b . His purple heart keeps the beat of time moving to the rhythm of country dances. His singing claws rip through the flesh of hyp ocr is y .

Lover of cocksuckers, Lover of queers. Lover of strong arms and sweet songs. The Singing Bear comes to all who dream Him .

Then it was October. Peter, Donald and Michael went to the March on Washington. They sang this latest version of Purplejlands to other Radical Faories there, who enjoyed it and sang it throughout the March and beyond. Michael, Peter and Donald were very happy. Thoy came home to the Midwest.

-Donald L. Engstrom

Well.... There is so much more to re late. So many stories. And. of course, this story has boundaries, and can only tell a fraction of What Really Happened. But you al ready know that part, of course.

And the Queer God inspired more music and art and ritual. Donald expanded the Purple Hands s o n g :

So.

Ihen it was now.

The Queer Ones continue to visit There are so many of them now. like a family or a tribe. So many faces, old and new: Purple God and Singing Bear, the White Wolves and the lurquoise God, the Deep Kisser, He Who a n c e s . . .. and Queer Goddesses, too! Amazons and Aunts and the Mother of Faggots. So many of them. Who are they? Who are they? Ask them yourself. Call to them. Call their names. Ihey have so many stories to tell. n - 1

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So many queer powers spilling out into the world, too many to be held back, deep and potent: allies and lovers, guides and friends. Their laughter fills the world. Their lust fills the world. Their rage fills the world, lheir weeping fills the world.

Donald was inspired to take the music of this song and write a new verse for the p o w e r ful Singing Bear:

More Music, more art, more poetry, more passion. More healing power. More healing power.

N OSG OF cL o v e &

Heartsinger's Commentary

( ^ N ature

I would like to describe the genesis of Songs Of Love And Mature composed by Ron Lambe and sung' "by mysel f,' HeartsTnger, and how the cassette recording was made.

A pianist from Chicago agreed to play, but canceled a week before we were to record. Stephen Klein's name was mentioned and, with only 2 days of familiarizing himself with the music, was able to make the record ing on schedule. No mean feat!

It was during the 1986 Summer Solstice Men's Gathering at Running Water that Ron came up to me. He had been composing music to poems published in RFD and wanted to hear them sung.

It was recorded in 2 weekends at Twin Oaks Stu dios in Rocky Point, North Carolina. We finished on February 29. We decided to print 300 cassettes which were promised for the middle of April by a company in Nashville. That was when our problems with sexual discrimination began.

During the previous winter, Ron had come up with the idea of setting the poems to music. When he came up to me I was delighted, because I was interested 1n doing a concert of Gay composers and poets. I just had'nt found enough material in English to interest me.

The company, Skybow Records, Inc. held up the project by saying their printer refused to print a cassette insert showing Gays in a favorable light. When our recording studio called, the president of Skybow, Louie Swift, refused to give the name of their printer. Twin Oaks came to the conclusion that it was Swift, and not his printer, who was holding up the project and went to bat for us. They told Swift they wanted the materials back by May 15 or, they would institute court action.

We immediately went over his songs and selected 20 that I felt would work in concert. Then I went back to Boston, and that fall started thinking about the songs. I began to see a pattern emerge, a song cycle with a beginning and an ending. I started put ting them in an order so that each one would flow from the one before and meTd into the next. The idea be came one seamless story-song, I began learning the songs,

We sent the project to another company, one in North Carolina, to make the cassette prints and pre pare the materials. We are Just now getttng the Cas settes, 7 months after finishing the recording.

I-started, too, to advertise for a pianist who would like to play in a Gay concert, But it was not so easy. After 3 months, I was about to go back to Gan Francisco when I was advised to get in touch with Jonathan Goldberg who teaches at Brandeis. Jonathan had seen my notice^ and was interested, but had ne glected to call me, We got together to go over the material, and he agreed to do the concert. All that happened in January of 1987,

A Commentary on My Voice and The Songs I am blessed with a rare voice of wide range, tenor/countertenor--a male alto popular during the Medieval, Renaissance and Baroque periods, (1100 to 1750} The high male voice is rarely heard today ex cept in authentic performances of Early Music. But it was common, back then, for men to sing both high and low, as evidenced 1n 0 Mistress Mine, a song by English Renaissance cornposeFThomas' Morley. William Shakespeare added the words and used it in his famous play Twelfth Night,

The Gay Composers-Gay Poets Concert took place that April in Boston, Ron flew in from North Carolina for the premiere, and we got a very favorable and en thusiastic response. By May, Jonathan was busy with other commitments, and it was necessary for me to leave town, L had some family problems in Chicago to attend too; and then T went to San Francisco, It was there a psychic told me, "You don’t belong in the cities; you're a mountain person. There are enough people here. You're needed in the mountains."

0 (Mister) Mine, where are you roaming? 0 stay and hear! Your true love's coming That can sing both high and low. Trtp no farther pretty sweeting, Journey's end in lovers meeting, Every wise man's son doth know. What is love? 'TIs not hereafter, Present mirth hath present laughter, What's to come 1s still unsure. Tn delay there lies no plenty. Then come, kiss me, sweet and twenty. Youth's a stuff will not endure.

Knowing how good I felt at Running Water, I call ed Ron and told him I wanted to come there and make a recording of the concert, He agreed. That was last 0ctober--a year ago^ In November, T decided to expand the cycle, I wanted to make a full-length tape of just Ron's music alone. So, I added 16 more songs, dropping one from the original cycle for future use in another recording.

I chose to sing most of the songs dealing spe cifically with nature in my high voice and those celebrating love in my low voice. The four seasons interweave themselves in and out of the love songs. Summer starts the cycle; then Fall and Winter appear and Spring ends it. I originally titled the cycle Songs From Running Water, but then picked Songs of

We needed to do a concert to get audience reac tion and to prepare for the recording. We contacted CLOSER, the Gay/Lesbtan organization in the area and 9ave a performance last January. Ron agreed to play at the concept, but didn't want to do the recording.

Love And Nature, because it describes the songs more specifically; although, Running Water certainly is a place of love and nature.

"holding the future of life for the Spring". Cold Mountain Poet (John Upson, #9) is a folky, upbeat des cription of two men living together in a cabin "high in the mountains". Soon (Ron Mohring, #45) describes an unusually warm February day - the promise of Spring but not yet - soon! Being In Love With You (Mark, #4) starts the fourth and final part of the cycle "Opening Up To The World1', It compares loving to being in a "delightful somersault", not knowing which end is up. On The Sabboath (Larry 6. Burk, #53) is the most re cent song in the cycle and I feel especially honored to have been at its birth. It is a beautifully craft ed poem of two lovers in Nature— one of Ron^s master pieces, Lazy Sunday Muse (Samuel, #8) is like a high ly pol tshed gem--a' Vo'v'e' song of rare beauty. Origin ally pitched lower in the piano, it was Jonathan Goldberg, the Roston concert pianist, who pitched it higher, thus giving it its beautiful shine. Thankyou Jonathan! Old Weavers In The Dust (Frederick Raborg, Jr., #36) with its explicit love-making and imagery Is another great song, as is Violets (Franklin Abbott, #20) with its brilliant piano-vocal "synchroniclty". Dewdrops (Mykul Crane, #30) carries melding together or becoming one, one step further--have you ever been a dewdrop? Free (Stevie Kendall, #38) men nurturing men--a vision" "for the New-Age now! Awakening (Zarrus Wind, #34) another vision for the New-Age now!--"Trust the voice of loye"--(Your Heart.) And finally, This Is It (James Broughton - a poem sent to Ron by a wellknown poet w h o ’s been published in RFD) all of us to gether— being one and all.

The first song, Shadow, poem by L.E. Wilson from RPD issue #5?, was the most difficult for me to do. First, it’s certainly not an "up” song. It has to do with not being fulfilled, not being fully who you are and not being able to break free for one reason or an other, For me, that's like death, so T felt it was very negative. Rut T kept coming back to it and real ized that in the context of the cycle it made a very strong statement about us as Gay or Bi-sexual men try ing to be ourselves in a nonsupportive culture, what that does to our spirit and how we hold back and iso late ourselves, I Found A Quiet P1ace, poem by Ollie from RFD issue #1 .' reminded me of Running Water and its special quality of spiritual renewal that it has always had for me since first coming here in 1981, It also seemed like the appropriate antidote to the de pressed and repressed mood of Shadow. No One Lives Here, by David Sunseri from #44, expressed my "feeling on "being on the property and living in the house (cir ca 1910.) It was as if T had lived here in a previous incarnation. Star Dance (David Sunseri, #41) and Morning Dew (ffoYnTngYtaV, #12) seemed to fit perfectly together YTke Interlocking puzzle pieces. I*ve always wanted to live where l could see the stars at night. There (Don Roy, #32) with its stark visual message of isolation was, I felt, the most powerful poem Ron had set. It became the pivotal song that led to the crea tion of this "New-Age" song cycle. Inside Of Me (Crazy Owl, #19) is about letting peopTe’T n o w who you are and what you want, Simpiy (Peter Pehrson, #5) is a song of reaching out, of~being vulnerable and expos ing your inner self to another, I Have Set flyself (Kenneth Rland, #10) starts the second part of the cy cle "Developing Relationships", It’s a reminiscence of being alone and being together in nature, fly Arms Ache (Vincent Fitzpatrick, #32) catches the passion’ ancf~urgency of wanting to be with a special someone. Glowed (John Soldo, #27) is a picture of love in the "form’ of a person. Try And Catch The Wind ("David Sunseri, #18) whichT"s 1ng’ Tn"botTT voices, describes the changing of the seasons. Old Horrors With New Faces (Croma Waters, #22) asks 'for' honesty in Yov'emaYTng. Country Cold (David Sunseri, #21) describes a cold Fall day, being close in bed and "warming your cold feet against my back". November With Joe (Vincent Fitzpatrick, #28) refers "to hot"," passionate sex. When Winter Comes (Steve Garman, #23) is a re flection of a past" relationship, acknowledging its in fluence and being grateful for the interaction. First Snow (Ian Young, #49) describes Being outside at "n'i'gJvt walTing home in the "swirling whiteness" and hearing his name, Kalpa (Scott Menzies, #36) starts the third part of the "cycle "Finding Love", rt describes ideal love, Your Window (Thomas Rygh, #2) is one of my fa vorites and" talk's' of love-making with Nature as a beautiful, everchanqinq backdrop. Smiling Fyes (Steve Garman, #24) is my favorite poem, "I do not ask to give you all the love life might have to offer, nor do I seek to make it all one grand sweetness. All I ask is to meet the smile in your eye with an equal one in mine", The Moon (Sandy Lowe, #6) paints a stark pic ture fMter'fng" Tts light through Bare limbs and twigs of winter trees, As You Move (Christopher Wiley, #51) compares his moving" 'in "sleep" to a cat stretching in a window, Aubade (Howard Thornton, #40) is my favorite song. The'name harks back to the Middle Ages to des cribe a dawn song--to be sung in the early morning. It describes coming out of sleep and with your hand, singing an aubade "on his bare neck", 8eauty (.John Asplund, #33) describes the beauty of Winter and its

I’ve applied for a grant from Fund For Southern Communities to do 10 concerts of Ron’s music in North Carolina, South Carolina and Georgia. Time will tell, I would like to go on tour with this program. So, if y o u ’d like to sponsor a concert in your area of the universe, get in touch with me. Write Heartsinger, Rt. 1, Box 115, Bakersville, NC 28705. Include your phone number, if possible.

The Total Experience Gospel Choir (cassette tape), P. 0. Box 22776, Seattle, WA 98122. $11 . The Total Experience Gospel Choir is a performing black youth choir in Seattle d i rected by the dynamic vocalist, Pat Wright. She and her choir are featured on the Charlie Murphy, Jami Siebar cassette Canticles of Lights I heard them perform in concert on a visit to Seattle. The choir and their direc tor know how to evoke a strong spiritual en ergy . "Gospel Bits and Pieces" is the title of the cassette the choir made to help fund a m u sical tour to Africa, their first trip to the continent most of them look to as home. I be lieve people may want to check them out.

Franklin Abbott

G ay Pride Marching Band by M O R T

JOI MAS

It's four in the morning. I am on the edge of awareness of being awake. With eyes closed, and being careful not to disturb the quiet of the night, I reach to the floor next to my bed and pick up a pen and notepad. In the dork I do my best to jot down some notes. In less than a minute, I am fast asleep.

love without discrimination. Whether one had a heterosexual or homosexual orientation would be as insignificant as whether one were born on a Monday or Tuesday -- a difference between one person and another to be sure, but who cares? We don't live in that idyllic paradise, however. As gay p e o p l e , we constantly need to counteract the effects of a society which says we are sinful, sick, a b n o r m a l , handicapped and on and on. Wo need to counteract those of focts on ourselves and on society at large. We need to remind ourselves that we ore okay, that we are just as good as anyone ns else, that being gay is neither right nor wrong but just fine. And we need to get that message out to the rest of society in as many ways as possible.

Sometime after dawn, I wake up fully and struggle to read my scribbled notes. "Romp thru woods w/band and LGBA women, singing Casta Diva. My friend Diana encourages me to explore the dream, perhaps to draw a picture of it, to expand on the feelings and metaphors it suggests to me. In my simplistic style of drawing, the joyous picture shows a goddess with a halo and, below her, two figures ca vorting in the woods, one playing the clarinet and one conducting. Ihe figures are androgy nous, with no hint of being women or men; what s significant is the insignificance of the r om p e r s ’ sexual identity. The title of the picture is Casta Diva (the aria from Bellini's opera Norma sung in the first act by the Druid high priestess as a prayer to the goddess). it is my dream and my experience in waking life to make music with gay and lesbian

1here's something about a marching band.... first of all, i t ’s an American an ap pie pie. The notion of a lesbian and gay marching band is incomprehensible to many peo pie because to them a marching bond is "good," and gays and lesbians are "bad." But the ex istence of such a band throws such people's reality into question. Whenever someone's re ality ge 1 3 questioned, the result is often the discovery of a "realor" reality. Sounds pretty healthy, right?

people in devotion to the goddess of fun, ex citement and gay pride. Both the dream and the experience in waking life make me feel good .

But aside from being American an apple pie. the nature of a marching band is that it inspires pride. This kind of music is used for parades of celebration, political convert tions, football gomes, etc. The people who watch and listen usually feel the excitement of the cause -- whatever cause the bond is playing for. The same piece of music (for ex ample, any Sousa march) can inspire feelings of pride in our army, pride in our political party, pride in our country or pride in our team. And what the lesbian arid gay bands of America ore all about is inspiring feelings of pride in being gay.

LGBA stands for Lesbian and Gay Bands of America. Ihe "band" in the dream is the Flamingo Freedom Band of south Florida. They are my nationwide and local musical family, and they mean a lot to me, both individually and collectively. I was never a lover of band music. But the first time I saw a gay marching band pr o claiming the pride and joy of gay c onscious ness through the universal language of music, I was h oo k e d . Why a gay band? The question has been asked many times. Why restrict a band by calling it "gay?" If music is the universal language, why limit it; why put it in a box and label it; why not just let it be itself without defining it?

There are lots of faeries in the gay bands. It takes a faerie like sense of oban don to march down the street in a pink uniform playing I Am What I Am to the delight of be mused passersby. If this sounds like fun, join up! Musicians and non musicians are al ways needed. Most of the bands have active groups of f 1agbearers and twirlers to augment the music, and some have also created concert bands, dance bands and other groups for shar ing the unique feelings of community that mak ing music can provide. lor information on joining or starting a gay and lesbian band, contact LGBA at P. 0. Box 57099, Washington D. C. 20037.

If we lived in the idyllic paradise that many of us would prefer, there would be no need to separate one part of humanity from a n other . A cure for AIDS (and a vaccine) would not be bogged down by political intrigue but would be found quickly and would be freely available. Gay men and women w o u l d n ’t find themselves outcasts from society and w o u l d n ’t have to fight for the right to work, live and

DOMESTIC

Dr. Love

How simply delightful it is to live with a faithful lover and an attentive dog under one ceiling;

is always in Dr. Love can fix it he can cure the wingless drifters/the damaged gray-eyed children he will cure us all of every dirty kind of hate & hurting we have ever had to face alone -Michael Hathaway

one comes running as I zip up to go out and the other as I unzip to turn in, long tails a-wagging. -Steven Finch

The Writing Table I sit naked in the chair at the writing table, careless and slumped over, with my left arm adangle between my legs; suddenly aware of a light touch on one bicep.

My nipple is

kissing my inner arm and my chest becomes a breast with no form as I turn the typewriter on, my penis growing down over the edge of the chair. I smile, glad that my apartment is furnished. -Jeff Heiske11

NEGLECTED FIELD

THE LIGHT IN YOUR EYES The 1ight in your eyes Shines from secret pools Of clear salt water With gently moving plants Foraging fish Elvers and aggressive crabs Dazzling anemones And airpearls Against solid black rock. In them I see Your love for me. -Ralph Berlin

A constellation of fireflies filled the honeysuckle. You planted a sweaty palm in mine. It felt like a farmer's, furrowed and coarse as the weed-choked soybean field that didn't quite make this year. A foal leaned across barbed wire and stole bites from a patch of poke salad, as the hounds took giddy leaps through the rows, chased grasshoppers, and sniffed out baby garter snakes. The moon clung to your eyes,and I wanted to move in, take your lips in my mouth, taste the dried blood and salt, feel the leather pressure of your tongue. We walked to the house, our half-tanned arms cooly swaying together like the porch swing in an unexpected wind. You let go, held your uncurled fists to the breeze like a cloud beggar. The pups were biting fleas from each other's fur, brushing their coats in red clay. I wanted to give you the storms of Paris, stroke the rain across your brow, down your sunburned neck. You took me inside and pulled out a sketchpad filled with pieces of people: a man's leg, a breast, someone's ears and nose, a delicate study of your fingers.

Drawing: for Games You draw a 1ine Parallel To one And rest your pen, You darken yours Carefully Within Its borders, then You lengthen it, Measuring The first With all respect While hoping that Suddenly The lines Might intersect. -Winthrop Smith

For Jimmy You and The The

Tobdy

part the reeds with your hands their beards rustle against the noon sky heat simplifies everything; breeze stops, gulls land on the broken parkway, we kiss Then hide like children from the parent sun. Here, even the sand is like skin, And this old blanket, a carpet we teach to fly. -John Zaluski

Now and If Absolve all thoughts of past tense negative. There is only today and tomorrow what is and what may be. What has been has been and can no longer be. It is known for what it1 is. It is devoid of possibility. Its only reality is it is no longer real. Now must be attended as it becomes. It must be respected for what it may be. Today is the split second of creation unfolding. Tomorrow is the promise of everything. -j. w. m.

Sister did you hear tree talk He gave himself to us As I lit his sacred dried body The flames also burned in my heart I have always thought But now I know That I am he and he is I We made magick on that night The night of my beginning The earth did move ever so slightly As we did move to her rhythms The rhythms of the waters and the winds The rhythms of my mind trying to free itself We looked upon the stars for it is said that our future is in the stars And the stars looked back -Courtney Willis

One other coming-out story is less well told than most, but powerful nonetheless. It is Gordon Murray's explanation of what he went through coming out as a gay man to the leaders of the men's movement. "What If you, the helpers and healers, the midwives of new culture and consciousness . . . reject me?" he asked himself. Murray found what the book promises every man will discover, that the helpers and healers are there to help and heal, not judge.

NEW MEW, WEW MTNPS edited by Franklin Abbott The Crossing Press, 17 W Main Street, Box 640, Freedom, CA 95019

220 pp., $9.95 (paperback)

The issues in the third chapter range from misogyny (gay and straight) to circumcision, and include homo sexuality per se. Less than half of the "Issues" chapter is by gay writers, but the conscious-male sensibility revealed here includes gay sensibility without imposing any foreign values.

Reviewed by Joseph W. Bean [This review originally appeared in the Aug. 13, 1987, issue of the Bay Area Reporter, 1550 Howard St., San Francisco, CA 94103. It is reprinted with the author's permission.]

The "Spirit and Soul" chapter brings together the visionary, like James Broughton's "Shaman Psalm," and the instructive, as in the interviews with Robert Bly and Don Kilhefner. It recognizes the hunger for "wholeness as a male" which many men feel, and it points out the ways that black men, gay men, fairies, psychological professionals, and others have moved to satisfy that hunger.

This book is a progress report on the men's movement. The anthology comprises 49 items including articles, essays, interviews, and poetry. The writers range in age from young adults to wise old shamans. Con tributors live in all parts of the United States and a scattering of foreign countries. Taken together, for all their diversity, the voices of New Men form a chorus calling every male to examine himselY and con sider whether he might not rather be something more than he is.

Any man who would be whole, the book says, will have to accept certain risks, bear certain pains, embrace what is feminine 1n himself, and--by far the hardest part--reawaken the "old patriarch" or "wild man" In himself.

Editor Franklin Abbott's hopes for his book seem to be fairly simple. He wants to expose men who are al ready involved in self-liberation and male awakening to know what else is happening and who is making It happen. And, he wants men who think they just might be ready for growth of this sort to realize that there is a significant movement, already strong and vital, in which they are welcome to participate.

New Men, New Minds is virtually a textbook In current men's studies" Ft 1s also a guide book for the craggy terrain through which a man must travel toward wholeness. Fortunately, besides being timely and Im portant, this book 1s also good reading.

The first of the book's four broad chapters is called "Fathers." Gay readers scanning titles like "Ameri can Family" by Essex Hemphill and "Notes of an In stant Father" by Robert E. Price might be inclined to skip the whole chapter. That would be a great mis take. Here are perspectives about being a father, being the son of a father, and deeper aspects of the passing of the male mantle between generatlons-things that matter to everyone.

"The Janies White Rtvieuj’s editors and their contributors together are producing a

The

valuable contnbution not only

Iames

There are surprises in "Fathers," but none greater than Thomas Moore's well-reasoned defense of patri archy: "These days we tend to denigrate the notion of patriarchy, but, in spite of its problems and exaggerations, patriarchy in the sense of deep, solid fatherly capacity is a psychological virtue." By reference to experience, myth, literature, and re ligion, Moore salvages a trashed idea, perhaps pre venting us from throwing out the natural, creative male--so to say--with his bath water.

to the American literary scene, but to our self-affirmation and eventual survival as a people.”

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"Stories," the second chapter, is a collection of 16 first-person accounts. About ten of these are by writers who are gay, but almost every one of them can be called a coming-out story. A new and higher in tegration of the whole male, the consistent if some times subtextual theme of "Fathers," is still the current, but the context 1s coming out of one closet or another.

Ken Fremont-Smith's story of coming out as a scarred man 1s a fable-like tale for anyone who is closeted by his perception of himself as ugly or deformed. David Sunseri's coming out as a raped man is a road map for people who are trapped by the memory and secrecy of a piece of personal history. Other comingout stories deal with the toleration of discrimination which adds the strength of the victim to that of the oppressor, and with other kinds of "growing up" that can be very hard to face.

H N N D F R 0 0 1 r\l

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Ccrfraet Letters

Into smooth hairless b o d ies, tight buns, kissing, cuddling. Am especially fond of cute boyish types. I ’m looking for new friends as well as a pos sible lover. Am intersted in learning more about faerie gatherings, etc. Your pix gets mine. Will answer all. Love to all my brothers. Gene 89 M a s s . A v e . Box 179 Boston, MA 02115

RFD prints contact letters free of charge. We also provide a free forwarding service for readers who prefer not to publish their address. Donations, however, are greatly a p preciated. We ask that your letters be brief (under 200 words) and p o s itive in stating your preferences. Saying 09 to a particular trait or characteristic may unn e c essarily offend a brother. RFD assumes no responsi bility for claims made in the letters, and we urge correspondents to exercise caution, especially with any financial dealings. For responses from prison ers we advise contacting Joint Venture, P. 0. Box 26 8484, Chicago before replying.

Hello. I am a free lance writer (see my article) fresh out of the womb of college normally residing in Amherst, M a s s . , but have been traveling in Central America for the last year. I have in my brain the seedlings of a Radical Faerie community that I would love to start with others in the V T , ME area. Thomas Landrey Box 666 Amherst MA 01004

IL 60626,

A special note: due to the missing issue of RFD last spring, some letters did not get included in the summer issue. We dis c o v ered them, a little dusty, in a file folder and are including them as a spe cial bonus for you this issue. Because of the volume, we have taken the liberty of editing down those letters whose wr i t ers d i d n ’t abide by our request to stay within 200 words. Our apologies to those letter writers that weren't included before. If you wish to write to someone whose address i s n’t given, just write to him c/o RFD, using our new address, P. 0. Box 68, Liberty, TN 37095. The e n velope itself will be for warded .

Dear B r o t h e r s , I ’m a country boy at heart, but stuck close to the city for now. I seek warm loving friends into loving, caring, cuddling A warm gentle sex. I ’m G W M , 50. 6 ft. 4 1/2 in. tall. 225 lbs, masculine, clean cut, clean shaven, HIV n e g . Into camping, p h o tography, long walks, quiet talks, flea markets, old cars A much more.

My name is Burt and I am 36, 5 ’10” , 180 lbs, blonde, blue eyes, m u s tache and very hairy chested (dark). I enjoy fishing, camping, g arden ing, conversations with elderly people, rain, can dles, romance, cuddling. I enjoy telling my lover I love him and hold him tight. I do not smoke, drink or take drugs. I am handsome and turn a lot of heads when I enter a bar but I want only someone special. Presently: living in Boston, M a ., but would like to relocate. You: average to good-look ing, romantic, monogamous, likes animals and the e l derly, masculine and car ing . My goal is to live in a rural setting, acreage, pond, barn, animals, g ar dening and a lover to walk the woods with. Give me a try! Love ,

I'm particularly interest ing in finding one slen der, young f r i e n d /companion/lover, 18-27, who wants to settle down and build a life free of bullshit, games, lies, etc. A life wholely co n ceived in love, work and play. I ’m not into drugs, heavy drinking or pain.

B. H. 19 Faye t te S t . , #7 Boston, MA 02116

p a v e m e n t . What makes plants thrive in the cracks and spread them? How can chunks of old con crete or asphalt be part of a pleasant place? Will they break down? Can we he 1 p?

pany . I d o n ’t know any gay people here at all.

Dear Friends, I am an Italian GWM in my mid-40's with dark hair and eyes, a beard, stache and hairy body. I am an educator in an adult learning center preparing high school dropouts for the GED (H. S. equivalency e x am.) I also volunteer as a pastoral caregiver of persons with AIDS. I have been socially conscious for many years with the elderly, the menatally handicapped and am in volved with Gay Groups. I am spiritually a Catholic but in a contemporary fashion; also a member of a Catholic Community. My hobbies involve a variety of reading, trav eling, bowling, the beach, movies and most especially giving and receiving m a s sages. I am looking for a person and a relationship who is able to cuddle, to embrace, to hug and to share t e n de r ne ss , one who can help me grow as a Gay person. I'm looking for a person in the northern part of New Jersey/ New York City area . I live close to Newark Airport and New York City. People are in vited to stop in when traveling to New York City. Peace,

Love,

Joey

Joe Occipinti P . 0. Box 513 Roselle, NJ 07303 (201) 245-0985

I was a homesteader in W. Va for 7 years 4. would like to do it again. Can anyone give me information on certain areas where we might locate? We have been thinking about M o r gantown, W V , upstate NY, western Virginia and NC. Thanks much. Sincerely,

I am looking for gay friends in northwestern N. J. area. I am a single parent of 2 boys -- ages 9 and 11 and we like doing things outside such as hiking, biking, canoeing, etc. W e ’d like some c o m

Jimmy in South Jersey c/o RFD

Jim H . c/o RFD

Dear Lonely Classical M u sic (and potential) Lover, Does anyone out there grow rampion? That's Campanula r a p u n c u l u ^ the vegetable Rapunzel was named after. I ’ve never seen or tasted it, never even seen it mentioned in a gardening book .

If you need a friend who d o e s n ’t drink or smoke, is a decent looking mid 4 0 ’s professional sales person, and wishes to share a good life, please call and talk! I ’m over 6 feet, 195 pounds and I am a t tracted to compact builds of any height. Classical

I ’d also like to read a n y one's experience of land reclaiming itself from

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YOUR SUPPORT!

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off. How could they know that I get cruised reg u larly despite these " i m p e r f e c t i o n s ."

music is on all the time and I own and play a c o n cert grand. I live m o d estly in a pleasant sou t h ern upstate New York c o m munity. I am not against mild drinking and smoking but am intolerant of nonmedicinal drugs. I have always practised safe sex. I travel as much as pos s i ble. especially to my home state of (western) Michi gan and have an accepting family there. I like to keep active, e s pecially in gay-support groups and I need someone to slow me down a little. I am not a sports fan a l though I enjoy skiing when time permits. I enjoy and try to give lots of warmth and friendship. I can be reached at (607) 722-4203 and am usually up as late as midnight and can be wakened as early as 7 am, Eastern time. 1 look forward to hearing f rom y o u . Paul

In NYC for 20 years, plan to move nearer my child hood experiences of trees, rocks A spirits -- with or without a partner. Friends describe me as passionate in everything, too intense, very h u m o r ous, with strong d i chotomies. Love social situations, intimacy and solitude. Very strong personality, honest, c a r ing and supportive, oft times dramatic. Aversion to institutionalized v a l ues and wearing 3 pc. suits. Better ’’suit e d ” in flannel shirts, jeans, leather or an occasional dress (looks great with big frame A beard. Not e v e r y b o d y ’s dream, but have been an unforgettable reality to some u n f o r g e t tably magnificent men. Am feminine and masculine and celebrate both. Nobody is a list of static qualities, me included.

Sorry, HIV positive with no intention of getting ill. If y o u ’ve read this fer, why not write and tell me about you. Aaron from Earth c/o RFD

Why do I read these c o n tact letters and find m y self at the last one crossing it off with the rest?

Dear RFD Readers :

1 smoke, want to quit but will do it in my own time -- cross off half. I drink socially and enjoy it — cross off more. I act and look 40 because I am. Great adventures have been mire by loving every year of life. I enjoy getting older and love men with life experience and no apologies -- more crossoffs. D o n ’t lift weights but look like I do. 5 ‘1 0 ’’, 20 lbs o v e r weight. wide shoulders, barrel chest, blonde, bearded - keep crossing

My sun is in Leo, my r i s ing sign is Scorpio, my moon is in Aries and Virgo appearss prominently e l s e where in my chart. In short I am sometimes as laid back as the Space Shuttle taking off. I'm also passionate, healthy, witty, therapied, pleas antly eccentric, very bright, vegetarian, wellread, stubborn, easily bored, highly creative, intuitive, spiritual (but not a practicioner of ri t ual.) I m 5'8", 155, dark hair and eyes, handsome

and have a nice body. I'm not so much one person as two people who co-exist fairly peacefully in the same body. PERSON A is a professional writer (fairly accomplished but poor) with wide interests; everything from the arts (especially theater) to German to microcomputers to hot sex. He regularly reads The_New_York_Reyiew of _ Books j._Amer ican_Th§z ® tr e x_ytne_Readerj__Strgke and PCj._He lives in New York City because of the stimulation it offers. PERSON B is a psychic, vegetarian, loving, New Age but sensible type. He wants to live in a re stored Victorian house, do organic farming, have pet pigs named Tristan and Isolde (I said I was ec centric), knit sweaters and have deeply felt, g e n tle sex. I would love to meet a man who has similar personalities cohabiting in him; someone 25-40 w h o ’s bright, attractive, educated, a little quirky, virtuous, passionate and masculine (though no tests for testosterone 1 eve 1s will be given.) Other d e sirable qualities include a sense of humor and emo tional awareness and brav ery sufficient to risk the honesty and vulnerability necessary for a deeply in timate relationship. It would also be nice if said someone lived within a reasonable distance of New York City, though I do not consider geography to be an insurmountable o b s t a cle. So. Enough. Write. A photo would be nice but i s n ’t absolutely n e c e s sary. Take care. David P. 0. Box 20783 Cathedral Finance Station New York. NY 100251516

re Rainwoods Retreat central Virginia

I want to thank everyone who has shown an interst in Rainwoods and who has written to me here. Rain woods is and will be what you make it to be. Your intersts and your support is all t h a t ’s needed to make it a viable a l t e r n a tive "safe space" for wilderness retreat. Rain woods requires your p a r ticipation and your c o n tribution in order to maintain itself for your use, fun and adventure. Rainwoods is a relaxed, open format looking to wards you to fulfil and realize its potential. Otherwise its purpose goes wasted and unmet. Rainwoods is here and looks forward to hearing from you. You are invited to include yourself in Rainwoods' growing circle of friends sharing in friendship. There are o n going men's faerie g a t h e r ings at Rainwoods until the fall equinox. Sincerely, Skyhawk (SASE please) Rainwoods P. 0. Box 203 Fork Union. VA 23055

1 am a GWM and, like so many other gay men, I am lonely and desire to c o r respond with other men re gardless of their race, location or desire. I welcome all. So write and begin a friendship that may develop into something else. I love garden, m u sic and country life. Please write. Will answer all correspondence. John P. 0. Box 180 Peterstown, W. VA 24963

Don Mason 2251 Rumson R d . Raleigh, NC 27610

re Willow Hollow near Raleigh, North Carolina The day will soon come when the epidemic we call AIDS will cause the less loving of the world to banish those who are su f fering. If the dis-ease continues to spread at the rate that it is now, panic will infect the p o p u l a tion. In my searching for a purpose for Willow H o l low, I have roamed these glades and hillsides and felt a charge of spiritual energy. Tucked away in these mountains is enough energy to heal the world. My vision is this: Willow Hollow will become a c e n ter for healing. I see Crazy Owl and Scarecrow here teaching people with AIDS how to cure them selves through diet, herbs and ancient medicine. I see James here as an o r g a nizer and leader for artistic production and as an example of self- h e a l ing . I see Willow H o W o w 's f unct ion as a farm even tually b ecoming self- suf f ic ie n t . I see b e e s , g o a t s , g e e s e , c h i c k e n s , ho rses , peacoc ks, llamas an d wildli fe a b u n d a n t . I see myself as an outrea ch a g e n t , gaining stre ngth and in spiration and taking it to o t h e r s . I see it as a non-profit organization. I offer to anyone interested the use of Willow Hollow as the place on Mother Earth for healing. Willow Hollow has been dormant for a few years and there is much work to be done, but as I have begun to uncover and clean, my work becomes a discovery of n a t u r e ’s p o w ers to last and grow and adapt. If you are interested in sharing your talents with those who come to Willow Hollow for healing and learning, please contact

Gay couple seeking c a r e taker for wilderness re treat in the western V ir ginia m o u n t a i n s . A person or couple who like to raise a garden and assist in making improvements and additions to an existing farm house and grounds, who likes the out-of-doors and enjoys physical work will find this a cha l lenge. We will provide living quarters, garden supplies and modest wages. Wo are looking for a ma ture person or couple who desire a wholesome close to nature lifestyle and want to make this a perma nent place to live and work . Bob c/o RFD

Looking for a MAN I ’m 36 yrs old, GWM, 5*11 1/2" . 175-80 1 bs , fair build, eyes .

brown hair,

I ’m a student of W icca, an initiated witch, and Flamen of the coven, Children of the Great Mother. So you can see I take my religion serious. I own a small mobile home on 1 1/2 acres of land outside of Bayboro, N. Carolina. I need a man who enjoys country living, outdoors, workouts, conversation, jokes and making love b e tween satin sheets. My property is part of a survival community.

WE N E E D

blue

YOUR

SUPPORT

I ’m looking for a man b e tween 20-40 who has some knowledge of heavy equ i p ment. One who would care for me as much as I would care for him. A man I could take care of. He should be well-built, strong and somewhat d o m i nant so he could keep me on a workout schedule. I d o n ’t smoke, drink or do drugs. Job is working as a bu l l dozer operator. Up to $24,000 y e a r .

town,

is able to hold better conversations, appreciates deeper qualities in o th ers, makes fewer mistakes,

please write. Blessed B e , Faron D. Hash R t . 6, Box 56 N. Wilkesboro. 28659

Hi ! If you are interested in relocating, pix of any kind get response. Blackhawk Rt. 1, Box 437 B ay b o r o , NC 28515

Having recently moved here to North Carolina and finding rituals for one rather boring, I thought I might drop a line and find out what radical faeries are all about. I ’ve come across the name a few times when I lived in Bal timore, but not much more than the name. After reading about the growth of m e n ’s spiritualism in Drawing J)owp th<? Mogn and the part played by Radical Faeries, I thought, what fun . A group of pagans with the sense to accept sexuality and spirituality, let alone a pride in being gay .

I am a 28-year-old city boy recently moved to the mountains of western North Carolina. I needed the silence and peace, but the lack of friends nearby to share what I know and am learning can be frustrat ing. Would be interested in talking with, writing to and meeting anyone in terested, especially folks from North Georgia, W e s t ern Carolina and Eastern Tennessee. All letters will be answered. I'm caucasion, 6 ’2", 175 lbs, dark hair and eyes and am interested in m u sic, writing, reading, food, the outdoors and travel. You can be any shape or size, race. T h a t ’s not important. Good friends to share with are. Hope to hear from y'all soon! Photo (face) and phone would be great, but not necessary. Big, warm bear hugs, Matt P. 0. Box 321 Murphy, NC 28906

So I find myself thinking what a better way to meet people and make friends than a group of gay p a gans. A dream come true. The only contact I ’ve had so far with anyone with this was an ex-lover and needless to say more was kept than shared. I find myself needing openness and sharing with a group witn the same ide als.

If it is true, as I have heard, that every age has its benefits, surely it must be so for men over 40. Those that come to mand, (as in my case) are that one knows oneself well, is more streetwise,

Anyone that can save from going bonkers in this burned-again Christian

is more stable and se t tled, see inner qualities quicker than superficial ones, is less prone to hangups, has more p a tience, etc. I'm 45, everage looks, professional, a nuturer, not yet cynical about re lationships, witty, ex tremely loyal, honest, not overly concerned with physical attributes, and am frequently frustrated by not having a likeminded person with whome to share this great a dven ture called life. I refuse to wither on the vine. If you do too, tell me about yourself and I ’ll answer you with more d e tails about me. Lonliness is a killer of the human soul . An optimistic brother, Eddie P. O. Box 4612 Greenville SC 29608

Greetings Georgia!

from Central

I ’m a GWM writing his sec ond contact letter in roughly a year. The first one got a good bit of re sponse from a nice group of guys (with one notable exception), but for one reason or another I remain signal. I ’m 35, 6 ’ and weigh 240 lbs. ( I ’m not getting any younger and I am extremely stubborn about my weight. My interests include reading, TV, movies and any number of things that I never seem to have time to pursue. • Eventually I would like to settle in the country, surround myself with various animals and plants, and work in town (probably teaching).

At this point I am even threatening to move to the country to raise hogs to pay my way through college, but that remains to be seen. I drink lightly, do not smoke at all, was reared a good Baptist but have a t tended Episcopal services. I really d o n ’t ask for much. If t h e r e ’s anyone who thinks he might be in terested in my lifestyle, by all means drop a line. If y o u ’re going to be travelling my way too, drop a line. Take c a r e , Harris 328 N. Dooly S t ., #3 Montezuma, GA 31063

Wanted : Bright young man, outdoor type, str” ong & hardy, honest, to share all that south Florida has to o f fer. Willing to share and live as one. No boozers, no drugs! Ab solutely none! Race is no problem but must be w i l l ing to get a job. Send resume &. photo &. q u e s tions .

as a butterfly, into the aware being that I have been transforming into for the last ten years. But, for this change to take place easier, I ’m re questing for help from some willing souls in the area of Ashville, NC where I plan to m o v e . Presently I live with my mother, work as a c o s m e tologist and occasional part time modeling and psychic positions. I ’m a nudist and vegetarian who is very much into attuning the body and soul as one. I ’m very trustful of o t h ers and a loving 35-yearold white male. I'm very healthy; non-smoker, n o n druggie and only o c c a sional drinker. I also do some entertaining and p s y chic c o u n s e l i n g / t e a c h i n g . My future goals are to form a community of aware people who are also w o r k ing towards the same good for all mankind. Rev. Stanley W. Roosa 557 4 A v e . N . St. Petersburg, FL 33701 (813) 822-3445 days

Dennis Delpape 1800 N. Bayshore Dr., #B11 M i a m i , FL 33132 WGM 39, seeks young nonsmoker to share wooded acreage.

Dear Brothers , I grew up in the country, yet for the past 25 years have been living the rat race of urban life in Florida. Now my co n sciousness is willing me back to a quieter pace of life; to comraume with n a ture and the spirit of *hat life is meant to be. That is what I ’m preparing n°w: to completely change,

Bill Gould P. 0. Box 1417 M e n t o r , OH 44061-1417

Dear RFD B r o t h e r s , It is an honor and a p l e a sure to be part of the RFD Family. I would like to

introduce myself in hopes of meeting new friends. Though I am looking for friendships, if a r e l a tionship develops, that would be wonderful. I will make the right guy a great catch. Raised on a farm, I live now in Cincinnati in a house I rehabbed but am looking in the country for a private, magickal h om e stead. I am a good, h o n est guy in tune with my inner spiritual self and am comfortable with my masculine/feminine psyche. I enjoy going to pagan gatherings and meeting different kinds of people. My spirituality is very important to me and I must be allowed to bo myself. Physically I am 42, 5'6” , 115 lbs, I talian A m e r i c a n, good looking, thinning black hair, moustache, magickal blue eyes, pale skin, uncut and am a "recycled virgin." Astro logically my s u n ’s Gemini, (cusp Cancer); MoonPisces; A s c e n d e n t -Pi s e e s . Some of my many c h a r a c t e r istics ore: individualis tic, romantic, ulto sensi tive, tender, courageous, loyal, theatrical, e s o teric, humorous, pas s i on ate, intense, versatile, cautious, vulnerable, pri vate but like to share in timacies, quiet but enjoy cutting loose and know how to have fun. Home and se curity are important to me. I enjoy camping (both kinds), hiking, rural life, animals, water, wind, Nature, music (all kinds from rock to opera, country to jazz, classical to popular, R4.B to avant garde, new wave to new a g e . etc.), films (classics and foreign), photography, gardening, cooking, theatre, erot ica, pot, dancing, laugh ter, masturbation, computers, video, long walks under the stars and moonlight, sunrises, rain, fields, forests, relaxing, reading and studying psy chology, philosophy, the ology, sciences, occult, sociology, and b i o g r a phies. I work as a writercommunications specialist but my real career is my personal life as an

artist, actor, performance artist, poet, writer, shaman and psychic. I am interested in hearing from others in Indiana, Kentucky or Ohio to see if we can get some sort of informal group together. Thank you all and Blessed Be! Giovanni Mucci P. 0. Box 19744 Cincinnati. Ohio 45219

Dream !

Dear R F D e r s , My name is Kurt and I live in central Ohio. I am 6* 1- t a l l . 170 lbs. 37 years and self-employed. Also I am honest and si n cere .

I am a 45-year-old F i l ipino. I came to the States over ten years ago and have lived in Indiana since 1976. I have re cently become sel f - e m ployed after I quit a salaried position two years ago. I figure it is time to find out what I really want to do and do it! I am drawn to values like self-reliance, inde pendence and that rare freedom that comes from knowing where o n e ’s trea sure is. I am finding that it is in comtemplative experience that cl a r ity and true compassion come. While the primary language of my exploration and discovery is Buddhism, the other wisdom tradi tions are not alien to me either. I like to read, write, cook, take long walks, listen to music, have quiet talks with a friend or two. I do a er o bic exercises at the gym daily and also do yoga. I think it would be nice to get to know and maybe meet other gay men who value the wisdom that comes from stillness but who also work to allow peace to spill from within them into the rest of our world. Or 1ando 7632 Harbour Isle Indianapolis, Indiana 46240

I love to travel, there fore I am looking for a companion to travel with me. In the next several years I hope to travel to many parts of the USA and possibly a trip to Europe. Dear RFD Readers, If anyone out there thinks that they might be inter ested in a trip together, please write. Will answer all . S in ce re l y. Kurt c/o RFD

For those who live in the SE Michigan area inter ested in Witchcraft and Faerie Spirituality, an all-male gay Faerie Circle has just been formed. "The Turn of Cerebus" is a c cepting sincere people (men) who wish to explore their male mysteries and their pagan heritage. Meetings are at the New Moon with Sabbats p r a c tised with our Dionic s i s ter coven. i am also interested in corresponding with anyone

on the subjects mentioned above. I am a Leo, Cancer rising, Scorpio moon, 25 years old, sandy blonde, green eyes, 6 ft., 162 lbs., cute! My interests also include horses, g ro w ing things, forests, beaches, oceans, partying and general good times. In Laughter, Faerie Fire,

Love &

Kevyn Allen 1614 Fairvi ew Royal Oak, MI 48073

Out Chicago Way, I am a native Chicago su b urbanite of Italian-German descent and live on the southern rural fringe of the Chicago metro area. My home is in a rural set ting by choice as I feel most comfortable living in a spacious straight enviornment. The urban gay trappings of C h i c a g o ’s North Side just d o n ’t im press me — "All that glitters is not g o l d . ” Maybe you feel the same? I'm 32, 6 ft. tall, w e i g h ing a " m uscular” 210 lbs and look like a straight athletic coach. I have medium brown hair, blue eyes, beard and hairy chest. (Moderately bald, but goodlooking and very attractive.) For lack of a better term: butch. Safesex history: 4+ years. I seek the affection and companionship of a m u sc u lar, attractive, white male, preferably in his 3 0 ’s with a ’’butch" atti tude, good disposition anbd history of safesex. He must instinctively d e sire a lasting, monogamous relationship based on m u tual affection and sharing interests. Some of mine include outdoors, weight lifting, vintage autos and architecture. I prefer a relationship that appears as "just good buddies" to the straight world. I realize this may be a hard order to fill but

chances are y o u ’re out there in C h i c a g o 1a n d ’s 7 million plus population. Who says you c a n ’t have it all? I will gladly c o r r e spond with men from other parts of the country who fit my description. Please no drugs or persons with criminal records. Sincerely, TJD P. 0. Box 204 Orland Park, IL 60462

Do you need help on your organic farm or homestead this summer? I'm inter ested in sustainable a g r i culture and would like to experience it hands on. My ideal situation would be helping a couple or h o u s e hold with their e s t a b lished farm or garden. My previous experience is only throgh what I have r ea d . but I ’m a fast learner and am redy to learn. Chicago is my home right now, but I'm open to any area of the country if the situation sounds right. Besides farming, I ’m in terested in animals, m u sic, cooking, building and traditional ways. This summer I hope to find some time also to do some Painting and woodworking. My trade is architecture and I ’m 25. interested, w r tte and tell your set up. you more about

please me about I ’ll tell mine.

I am interested in meeting and corresponding with other m'"*en in the US and Canada (no men in prison, p l e a s e .) I am a gay, married male, 46, with a good personal ity and good sense of h u mor. I ’m 5 ’11", have brown hair, blue eyes and weigh in excess of 300 lbs. I am out to my wife and some friends; have no children but several pets. My interests include coo k ing, reading gay litera ture, all kinds of music except jazz and heavy rock, travelling, camping and making new friends. In the past 3 years I have organized 4 mens support groups where men learn to make new friends and love themselves as well... a rap-support group, a m e n ’s massage group, a gay re l i gious group (open to straights and bisexuals too), a diet-support group. I enjoy touching and being touched safely, hugging, massaging and would like to enjoiy sharing these with other men regardless of age, race or size. Earl P. 0. Box 2547 Chicago, IL 60690

I am a gay white male, youthful 52, 185 lbs, 6 ft tall, metaphysician, si n cere, honest, good person ality, caring, neat con g e nial, straight-appearing, HIV n e g . , good appearance,

Thanks, Todd of Illinois c/o RFD

musician and music teacher. I own and o p e r ate a music school in a small town. Would like to find another white male over 30 with similar c ha r acteristics who is a d e greed music teacher, preferably guitarist, who loves teaching to become a partner and associate with the possibility of d e v el oping a permanent monagamous loving relationship. Please respond with as much informaton as pos si ble. Would appreciate a photograph. H of Illinois c/o RFD

Dear RFD Readers and Com rades: This Fairio-Satyr would like to meet more of his comrades. I have discov ered that I am a Faerie rather recently, since the last Midwest M e n ’s Fasti val, and would like to ex plore life with other Faeries. 1 am a Taurus to the core (Mercury, Mars and Jupiter all in Taurus, lots of Earth, some Water and Air but almost no Fire), a 19th century aesthete with a dreamy, imaginative ten dency to dwell on the p i c turesquely unusual, an Ad daams at heart who loves thunderstorms, old houses, big, beautiful cemeteries, stories about mortals who fall in love with ghosts, Dark.Shadows and old movies. I have quite a bit of scientific academic background but my real passion is for the liberal arts. I have a BA in Art History. I also adore brilliant men and facial hair (the more the b e t ter!) I am fascinated by the ideas touched upin in Gay Spi r i t My th and Meaning and would like to discuss and build on them with like-minded comrades. (In fact I would like to form a gay spirituality dis cus sion group or Faerie cir-

Friends:

cle in the St. Louis a r e a . ) I believe we all have within us a vision of a Faerie utopia, and by sharing with one another we can bring these ideas out and develop them. If y o u ’re a light-hearted, literate, intellectual man who has an intense desire to enjoy the universe with all your heart and soul, I would love to hear from you. Together we shall hear the angels and see the sky sparkling with d i amonds . Stephen Louis S c u r1e t is 4159 Magnolia. Apt. St. Louis, Missouri 63110

Is anybody out there able to relate to s o me t h i n ’ like me??? 1 need a f r ie n d . I'm 28 this year, still living at homo with my mother (partially due to financial difficulties but also because I'm afraid of being lonely out on my own). I have 3 years of college (at Boston U n i v e r sity) but due to indeci sion about my major and the emotional wreckage from an aborted relation ship. I dropped out. In the 6 years since, I ’ve landed a government job but have been unable to come to terms with what career I 11 pursue, and what to do with the rest of my life. Frankly. Guys, the future is a big, scary unknown to me. fellas, I ’m no knockout; but if you like slightly chubby Black guys with carrot-colored Afros, I'm not bad! Ihese days my main interest is music: I hi into The Archies, Tommy James. Petula Clark, Connie Francis, Frankie V a 11i A the 4 Seasons, A n nette Funicello and any number of ’60s artists.

I ’m big on Phil Spector. too, especially The C r y s tals. My perennial fa vorite book is Bram Stoker's D r a c u l a x On the sexual side I get the hots for ethnic men, especially Black, H i s panic, Asian and Italian. I find thick dark hair and swarthy complexions mondo sexy. From the few sexual encounters I ’ve had, I know that I like kissing and touching the best (though the heavier stuff is ok too!). I like for a man to feel free to e x plore my body, and I, his. I'm not into S & M, drugs or heavy d r i n k i n ’. I ’m lonesome and feel iso lated from both the Black and Gay communities. I ’d like a penpal. I'd also like to correspond with a Gay erotic artist and hopefully come under his tutelage. I have a secret fantasy to become to men what Vargas was to women during the '40s and ’50s. I'd love to produce ’’Male C a l l ” type pinup art for Gay enlisted men.

terest is aroused to write or phone. I can offer a modest liv ing space, companionship and monetary compensation for the part-time work. I live within daily driving distance of a large metropolitan area and I often think that Ihave some some of the best of both urban and rural worlds. Besides farming and good friends, I enjoy music, reading, photography and travel, especially C o l orado mountains and d o w n hill skiing. I need the part-time help starting this spring and I'd be glad if anyone with an interest would write or phono me at (816) 9923411. Be good to y ou r self. Rod P. 0. Box 752 St. Joseph, MO 64502

Love , Don of Kansas City c/o RFD RFD-Contact

Hello! This midwestern grain farmer seeks a part-time employee, a full-time housemate and a soul mate for a relationship. I'm early 5 0 ’s, 5'7” , 145 lbs, no body builder but fit from hard work. I ’m healthy, intelligent, sen suous, intuitive and pe r ceptive and I can be a real friend. In my fantasies this sought-for mate is a younger brother about my size who wants to get an all over tan, hates to sleep alone and loves hard work. In reality I know this special person may be quite different, so I e n courage anyone whose in

I would like to contact commercial fishermen, e s pecially seagoing G-men experienced on trawling vessels. No drunks or primadonnas wanted. Keep their noses clean working hard for their share and safety minded. I am 68, 6 ’3 ” , 265 lbs, understanding. Also have a steel hulled tri-moran 4 2 ’x 2 1 ’x 4 ’ for sale, 3 separate hulls, 671 N GM 3-1 Allison PTO double drum winch, ice box, extremely shallow draft, 18" cantelevered engine compartment. Boat now working shrimping A oystering. Right choice for a loving couple. $35,000. Layout is two separate captain bunks with three large drawers underneath. Work, love, live on the boat. I t ’s home .

Shirley Landrey P. 0. Box 39 New Iberia, LA 70561

Dear R F D e r s , It's too bad you're not here, but sure glad we are! We wish you could understand what G o d ’s country is, because when he developed this rural area, he d d n 't stop with just a creek here a few trees there. He d i d n ’t forget about limits, he just d i d n ’t use any! I think tomorrow I'm going to hike up Fat-Top m o u n tain and see how many species of trees I can count. Maybe first I should count the mo u n tains . But to the p o i n t . I would really like to find som e one to correspond with. Sharing feelings and ev eryday simple little things in life that are actually very meaningful. I'm not looking for a lover or companion because I have my life partner. It is to be! We love p e o ple and having friends. Not isolationist, but our only neighbors are the trees and animals. We don't mind visitors at all and would love to hear from you. I shall close this out and to the garden I go. Better yet, maybe a walk down to the Buffalo River ! Love , Neil P. 0. Box 484 Flippen, Ark. 72634

need someone to work with me on this 20-acre, mountaintop homestead. It's located in the beautiful Ozark mountains about 1 1/2 miles from the Buffalo River and surrounded by the wilderness area. I have a comfortable rustic cabin that I ’m trying to complete, a one-acre g a r den and 30 some fruit trees. I ’m trying toget back in s h a p e . There are a few requirments for this type of life. The first is good emotional security within yourself, an ability to entertain yourself ( i t ’s 16 miles to the nearest town), love of nature and an ability to work with it, not against it. A few already developed muscles helps but I've found that new ones are added weekly as work goes on. Last but not least is compassion and understanding for some of the most bigoted people in the US that live here (whenever you come in c o n tact with the local " n a t i v e s ." As for myself: I ’m a slim, trim, summer redhead, 40years-old, looking forward to 80 years. I ’m an o r ganic gardner, 25 years at it, and never stop learn ing. I ’m artistic and imaginative, eclectic in my hobbies and love wildlife and wildflowers. I ’ve a good sence of humor and am psychically e n dowed. There are few things I really hate but among them are fools and drunks (usually found in the same person.) Anyone who is seriously interested in this type of life can get in touch with me by writing Arne Ahlstedt P. 0. Box 484 Flippen, Ark. 72634

Hello out there! Is anyone interested in a rough, rugged, back-tothe-land adventure? I

Dear RFD Friends, I live in a heavily pop u

lated Oklahoma area and lived in large cities most of my life. I am getting ready to get out of the corporate arena and would like to go to a scenic lo cation where I may c o n tinue my spiritual quest and polish my interests in natural foods, yoga, n a t u ral healing, meditation, massage and reflexology. I am in my m i d - 5 0 ’s and most people think I ’m 10 years younger. I am 5 ’7", 135 lbs, hazel eyes and grey beard. While I look very distinguished, I have nurtured the little child in me that likes having fun.

I love ethnic foods -Italian. Mexican and all typos of Par Eastern. 1 love "Now Age" music, es pecially as heard on the program Music from the Hearts of Space and I also appreciate classical mu sic. I am active in f a cilitating support groups

and a telephone crisis line. I d o n ’t smoke and enjoy an occasional glass of wine with ray pasta. Thanks! The Man from Oklahoma c/o RFD

Hi RFD Brothers, G W M . 25, Leo, 6 ’4 ’’, 220 lbs, brwn/brwn, beard, eclectic classical/neo p a gan. Currently finishing B B A , will pursue MBA. Looking for tall pagan, 20-40, financially c o m fortable. (I will not support you, nor do I e x pect you to support m e . ) He should be intelligent, good h u m o re d, powerful, monogamous and strongwilled (like I a m .)

I do drink in moderation and have certainly uttered my share of profanities. I ’m fairly tolerant as far as these things go and probably would not get along with someone o b sessed with living a n o n smoking, non-drinking, non-smoking, purey sort of life. As far as sexual likes and dislikes go, I ’m pretty open-minded and versatile but have a definite pre f erence for hairy-chested, masculine white men 35 to 40 years of age. ( I ’m 38.) I ’m somewhat introverted and quiet and have a very difficult time p a rticipat ing in the "bar scene." I d like to meet someone willing to accept me as I am, interested in forming an honest friendhsip based

I like to travel, play chess, plant gardens, read, dance, work on "craft". Does anybody else know the "10 PAN" chant?

Blessed Be,

S a l ut a t i o n s ! My name is Shawn and I am 21 years old. I live in Colorado Springs but have plans to move to the wilderness someday. I have been living in the Faery tradition for the past four years and I am blessed with a beautiful life. The only aspect that is missing is a friend and lover. I am a professional astrologer and am currently complet ing my degree in nut ri tion. Virgo is my sign and I work in a health food store. What I am looking for is someone to love me for me and them for them. Do you know the term unconditional love? I cannot put restrictions on anyone including m y self. I also tend to be very kinky at times (thought-provoking a n y how). Honesty with you r self is the main thing I look for in a man and that is so rare to find. If this sounds like something you like, please contact me. I would also welcome short visits in my home from weary travelers. And I do smoke but am very aesthetic. Your photo gets m i n e . Blessed B e !

Celeborne P. O. Box 3941 Amarillo, TX 79116

Shawn P. 0. Box 6172 Colorado Springs, 80934-6172

Hello t h e r e , I live in the suburbs and work in Denver as an ele c trical engineer. 1 have a small greyhound raising and racing business and it is my ultimate goal to d e velop this into a selfsustaining profession. I have some land east of the city and spend nearly all my spare time out there.

Dear RFD Readers,

on truth and under s t a n d ing . "Dallas" c/o RFD

in Colorado

I can relate to many of the social, political and enviornmental values of RFD but do not consider myself a "back to nature freak." I don't smoke but

Love and sunshine to all who visit sunny Arizona. I offer you hospitality, warmth and stimulating conversation and a great erotic massage. I am a not slender, attractive writer and photographer in ray 30 s . My profession is wholistic health and I do workshops in Ecstatic/Healthy Sex and Sensual/Erotic massage for men. I would like to meet more hot men on a spiri tual path. I await you with a warm hug!

Warmly, Marc Haberman POB 40405 Tucson, AZ 85717

Hi RFD Readers: I am a quiet, reserved, 41 year young G W M , brown hair and eyes, clean cut, 5 ’11" , 160 lbs. I am a writer/photographer/hiker who enjoys life, p hi l o s o phizing, metaphysics, s e lf-deve l o p m e n t , travel and porno. I like sol i tude and silence and close friends that I can relax with. 1 am seeking p e n pals who have similar in terests. Looking forward to hearing from you. Ron of New Mexico c/o RFD

WE NEED YOUR SUPPORT! Dear B r o t h e r s , I m a 34 yr. old New Age type person living in the Albuquerque area. My lover and I recently moved here from Ohio. It would be very nice to meet friends in the Albuquerque and New Mexico area. Also Penpals from all over the U. S. are welcome. I have a variety of interests. I love most forms music, reading and the outdoors for instance. Am seeing mainly platonic friends but would consider 100X safe sex with the r ight man.

Dear Fellow Searchers,

B r o th e r s ,

I am involved in literary pursuits, am a student of oriental medicine, am m o tivated by foreign travel (have lived/worked in s e v eral locations abroad) and have done down-to-earth home building ( o n e ’s house is o n e ’s sculpture). My spiritual home is New M e x ico where I always return to and have land and a cabin. The only barren spot in my nomadic life is that I have never found anyone to share it with intimately. I t ’s time for me to make that commitment to total sharing, and not, when I get impatient, go off alone on still another adventure.

My name is L e n a d a m s , Len for short. I live in the burning desert of Las V e gas, N e v . , and earn my keep as a nurseryman. I love trees very much.

This year I spent 2 months in Mexico and would love to return there/ G u a t e m a 1a for a period this winter, worked 3 months in an iso lated location in Vermont, spent another month v o l u n teering to feed informa tion into a computer and, by the time you read this, will be on a construction site trying to get some money ahead before the real winter hits. I ’m looking for an ent h u siastic younger guy who rejects the American m a chine and considers the world his home. He more than likely will have some kind of artistic endeavor to sustain him, will not be afraid of death and when it comes to sex a p proaches it disarmed and naked. I ’m 30ish, a Virgo, 5 ' 8 ’’, 135 lbs, brown hair, fair clean-shaven skin, don't smoke, am not u n a t t r a c tive. I will be loyal. Photos exchanged. Emil

Peace to y o u , Ra inbow P. O. Box 7464 Albuquerque, NM 87194

I am 28, 6 ’7", 300 lbs, with auburn hair and beard, and green eyes.

am strong and healthy but a bit s o f t . My life consists of my work, arid lands study, and omnivorous reading and music. I do not know what I want except to be around loving faeries A dykes. I am a n archistic and a feminist. I do not want to be some one's ’’d a d d y ” . I love the land most of all. I am well-travelled, literate and lonely. My life is not all mine right now as I support my mother right now due to my f a t h e r ’s death (until summer, ’89). I am happy but dissatis fied. I want to share nolife with someone. I am from the desert -- it shapes the way I think. 1 don't know what I ’m going to do, but until then I ’ll cause trees to be planted. I see I've painted a strange picture. Oh, well. I'd love to hear f rom y o u . WARNING, though: I ’m moody, tempestuous, ana lytical and easily amused. In P e a c e . Lenadams Desert c/o RFD

in the

mustache, healthy, aware, honest, unpretentious, wise, nonsmoker/drinker/user or abuser,

Dear Penpal Friends, I would enjoy hearing from you no matter where you live and even if you are not much of a letter writer. Younger men who want to develop a lasting friendship in this way are preferred. Things seem to work out best for me with men who have few things on their mind, perhaps even a problem with the way we are, that t h e y ’d like to talk over with an older man who will listen, understand and care while discreetly maintaining their confidence. (But I just can't seem to got in terested in overweight men nor in prisoners.) I would very much like to have a photo of you too, because i t makes you seem more r e a l ! I am a GWM past 40, 5 ’11", 135 lbs with no beard or mustache. For a number of years I was a teacher and belonged to a Catholic r e ligious community. I've been amazed at how much merely exchanging letters can do toward changing whole lives and producing warm, satisfying friend ships for our kind of man.

I follow my own p h i l o s o phy, eat healthy food, read at local cafes, use my bicycle for transporta tion, despise television and politics, sunbathe at nude beaches, laugh a l o t , dance alone at discos sometimes, more sensual than sexual, iconclast, enjoy Haight St. better than Castro, thrift shops better than M a c y 's , into Goddess (Earth religions), avoid bars and consider myself the w o r l d ’s best kisser! Does this also sound like you? I ’d like to meet a goodlooking boyfriend, tall, trim, healthy, 2540, any race -- for c a r ing, sharing all the above and more. Prefer beards and hairy chests (but not a requirement.) Visitors welcome too, but no p r i s oners please. Photo would be nice. Loving

Keyes Lloyd 467 Saratoga A v e . , Box 154 San Jose, CA 95129 USA

Aloha RFD Brothers and others, This is A1 (Hi.) and I ’m Joe (Hi!) (Both slighly young, slightly built, slighly handsome and slightly off). After 3 years of travel across the mainland, w e ’ve settled on my home island of Maui to create or be come part of a 'faerie

thoughts,

Joe Lawrence Lembo P. 0. Box 640444 San Francisco, CA 94164

S i n c e re ly , Tony Winters P. 0. Box 3170 San Francisco, CA 94119

Greetings Guys, Your FANTASY MAN is not in these contact letters -he's in your head! But if you're seeking a real man to share good times with, please write me soon, I ’m an unconventional city slicker, young 40, art therapist, tall, trim, good-looking, Italiano,

Be 1i z e a n s !

s p a c e ’ to live and gather in -- here on the Islands.

Lend me your attention. Please read the below and consider responding. I, a g-w-m of 32, wish to visit Belize in the spring of 1989. I wish a penpal of sorts to correspond with. Someone who lives there and would be able to write to someone like me who has always dreamed of h o m e steading in a tropical lo cation. I do not intend to freeload; I will honor your privacy if that is a concern. Me: a hardworking dreamer who likes adventure, new ideas and people. Please write to

To that end we are leasing a 3 bedroom, 100+year-old house on 3 acres in the jungles of Nahiku near Hana, Maui, We have or are a short walk from freshwater streams and pools, the ocean, fresh fruits and veggies, panoramic Pacific views, a sweat, bamboo gardens and tons of si lence . We would like to hear from others in the area as well as the rest of the Planet who would like to share in creating an island faerie presence.

Please write or call day !

May the Goddess (Pele) shine through all. Mahalo! (Thank y o u !) Joe A A1 SR 176 Haiku, Hawaii 96708 (808) 248-8667

looking nice. Liked O k l a homa or New Mexico but any place will do if I ’m a p preciated. I am white -40 -- can handle the si t u ation. Can be to 70. No drunks or old Queens. I like home life. Thank y o u ,

share life with. My lifestyle is rather primi tive and difficult at times and not very app eal ing to most people. Must make it clear that I do not want someone to share life with, I like being alone, but occasional c o m pany here or away would be the ideal situation. Peace,

Ron Peacock 1734 NE Halsey Portland, Ore. 97232

Tony P. O. Box 52 Wolf Creek, OR 97497

This is it: Gentleman — seeking a place on a small acreage or Ranch away from city or

I am a gay man living in CA (4 sometimes the Great Lakes). I would like to meet gay men who are into earth medicine (pagan or Native American) as I am. If you have any other info about this let me know. Walk in Spirit, John Lorenzen Box 3354 Laguna Hills, 92654-3354

Hi My name is Philip Salem. After New York City I came to Seattle. 1 run the w o r l d ’s only transvestite transsexual dating service and am g e t ting tired. 1 am 40 and want to retire. I am looking for a very femi nine guy who feels the need to crossdress and wants to be my girlfriend. Meeting a non-smoking per son seems to be an impos sibility. You must be super androgenous and very feminine. I need a male who is natural and with just a little work can put on a dress and be my wife. I am 6 ’2" 190 lbs, blue eyes. You would have free rent n a t u r a l l y .

Hello, Write Have my own belongings — seeking a good man who a p preciate a good Bottom, a good worker A a good cook A housekeeper & baker. Not afraid of work A don't drink or smoke and am an adult . Do a lot of garden work. Know how to drive a trac tor. Well versed in Pl§§sing a good tall, g e n tle man. Nothing wild or *ay out — I ’m a settled Person. No little men please A no prisoners. Like feeding chickens or Poultry, maybe a cow or two 4 pigs 4 horses. Like to be busy. Keep the place

So. Oregonian would like to meet/correspond with others in the area (or not . ) Am 34, 5 ’9 ” , 150 lbs, black hair, beard (hirsute), Sp a n i s h / M i d d 1e Eastern background. I live in a 10x12 cabin without power or phone deep in the woods. Don't mind physical hardships and have been alone for long periods (semi-hermit type). Am easy-going and somewhat pleasant to be around. My interests are broad but I have a prefer ence for backpacking. Must admit that I do get lonely at times and long for a lover or friend to

Phil Salem 600 E. Pine St. Seattle. Wash. 98122 (206) 329-TVTS

I ’m a 31-year-old man, s e rious and silly, gullible but partly sophisticated, well-traveled, into c am p ing, dancing, new wave m u sic, reading, ham radio and electonics. Lots of other things too!

I would like to correspond with faeries anywhere, e s pecially southern faeries. In the next year or two, I'd like to go to the Great Southeast: T X , LA, FLA. I ’d really enjoy it if you could host this tourist faerie for a few days. Show me your town! I want to see all the i n teresting, fun or strange p la c e s ! Would anybody be inter ested in travelling to Central and/or South Amer ica for a few months on a shoestring? I speak enough Spanish to get by and have done some low budget travelling through Central America alone. Next time, though, I ’d prefer some company. Please write! Larry Muse 1300 E. Denny #107 Seattle,

WA 98122

health (HIV negative) and savor hard physical and mental work. I like to travel, read, ski and do volunteer work with P W A s . (People who are confronted with the possi bility of dying seem to have their priorities straighter than others.) I would like to meet pe o ple with similar inter ests, especially those living here in the Pacific Nor t h w e s t . Thank y o u . Dick Mathes 11428 51st Ave. NE Marysville, WA 98270

Presently I own a large mobile home on rented land in the country at the base of the foothills of the Cascade Mtns. I t ’s a beautiful setting between the mountains and Puget Sound. I have a p e r m a nent, full/time job in forestry. My plans within the next two years are to buy a small farm, or land and build a place. But I do not want to do it alone. Seeking: a special man with similar interests and goals to share life. I ’m most attracted to m a s c u line men 5'6" or so, good build, 20-30 years old, dark hair, hairy chest, sparkling eyes and a great smile. Interested? Do you feel that you might have qualities that would lend themselves to a bond ing relationship? Take a chance and let's c o m m uni cate. Your photo & phone # gets mine. Sincerely,

Dear RFD

Dear RFD R e a d e r s ,

I spend weedays in a bus i ness suit as an industrial salesman. But on the weekends the real me s ur faces and I ’m either in the greenhouse, garden or working on my acreage in the Skagit Valley. My dream is orchard fruit and see ray current employment as just a step on the path (although all the travel ling does allow me to add to the greenhouse collect io n ) .

Do you feel life is pas s ing you by? Here is my story.

I am 33 yrs. old, 5 ’6 ” 135 lbs, brown/blonde (which is great bocause the grey d o e s n ’t easily show), blue eyes, non-smoker. Have never bought into the "pretty boy fast living’’ I found out there when 1 cam out and have thus been a bit of a loner. I did find the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, though. But after four years together, he died of AIDS. A painful, difficult experience, but a time of great growth for both of us. I enjoy good

My self: I'm a masculine gay man, 3 0 ’s . 5 ’10". 165 lbs, dark brown curly hair, trimmed beard, bluegreen eyes, moderately hairy chest, Greek active, French p a s s i v e / a c t i v e , good-looking, slightly domineering, warm, honest, open, sincere, very pa s sionate and HIV Neg . I'm anti drugs, anything kinky, the bar scene, game playing and cities. I ’m basically a country boy/mountain man with s i m ple tastes and needs in life. 1 enjoy a home life of yards, gardens, flow ers, critters, good meals, reading, evenings of music or old movies and a good snuggle on the sofa. I like all sorts of outdoor activities such as hiking, backpacking, camping, p h o tography. rock hounding, walking along a beach or just sitting under a tree doing nothing.

L. E. Warren P. 0. Box 666 Sedro Woolley, 98284

HOME in a forested, m o u n tain-surrounded wilderness for a CREATIVE G W M , 45 to 66 and planning on living to be 1050, like Alobar in ^itterbug Perfume^ For a man with fixed in come (or indefinite if he's a productive fr e e lance writer, musician or a r t i s t ) and a will to po s sess all the beauty of a wild, creative life... which includes a Henry David Thoreau attitude to wards food. Nature and self-worth. Read WalderTs first c h a p ters. Economy and Where I Lived k What I Lived For. then write to Craig B. Harris P. 0. Box 555 Grand Coulee. WA 99133

lbs, a gentle and m a s c u line Fae man, HIV n e g a tive, interested in Faerie magic and shamanistic practices. Balancing this with the nature of my work in conventional spiritual ity is not easy. The Faeries help.

Hello I am a rural living Alaskan. I am a commer cial fisherman in the Bering Sea and throughout the Gulf of Alaska. I would appreciate meeting (corresponding with other A laskan/Canadian/U.S . m i d west, southwest rural gay men. I am in my mid-30's. All replies will swered .

be a n

The outdoors are tremen dously important to and for me. Also I like new age philosophy and music as well as romantic s y m phony. I enjoy history and especially railroad/western mining towns. I have a cabin in the mountains which is my weekend hermitage retreat and am willing to welcome to my suburban a p t ., or cabin, visiting brothers.

Thanx Dave of Alaska c/o RFD

Please write. Namas t r e , ‘S o l u s ’ of B. C. c/o RFD

FROM AUSTRALIA: Gay penfriends wanted. 18 yrs. + , any race or creed. Aussie guy, 58, 6 ft tall, well-built, friendly with interests in PHOTOGRAPHY, travel, BOOKS, magazines, outdoors, gardening, fi lms/videos, corres p o n dence, gay life styles, music, TV and world a f fairs. Photo appreciated if avail. Please write to: Don E. Ross 40 Young S t . Albert Park, Vic. 3206 Australia

CANUCK ALERT: Any other rural Canadians interested in networking, travel exchange, putting together a feature article or column for RFD, or in any other group endeav ours? All replies with non-urb a n , Canadian return a d dresses answered promptly. Others please include S A S E , explici t nude photo or suitable bribe.

Dear F r i e n d s , I am a 36-year-old bearded m a n , 5*10", 150 l b s . I have recently left a 14year marriage and share custody of 3 children. Coming out for me has been a long and painful p r o cess, but I have reached a stage in my life where I am clarifying my spiritual focus. At this point in my journey-quest, I am e x ploring gay spirituality, particularly as it relates to archetypical psychology and Jungian dreamwork. Mark T h o m p s o n ’s book Gay Spirit has entered my life to provide a major aluci dation of what the gay spiritual journoy is about. 1 am attracted to bearded, hairy masculine men. I am a teacher by profession; sensitive, open yet can tious with a wide range of aesthetic interests. Apart from swimming, my outdoor activities are limited and await the par suasions of a patient com panion. I yearn for a close friendship and rola tionship with a man who shares similar values. Of course, it would be easier if you live near Toronto! Eagle Warrior of Toronto c/o RFD

Boxholder Box 733 Ganges, B. C. VOS 1E0 Dear RFD: I ’d like to exchange let ters, photographies and a deep and sincere friend ship with black boys. I am white, blond hair, honey-colored eyes and I am 21 years old.

Dear Fellow Faerie Men, Greetings and blessings from a northern brother. During August I drove from Vancouver. B. C. to Reno area to take a course at Joy Lake Center.

I like French e x p r e s s i on ist painters, photography and I immensely love A me r ican black women singers of jazz, soul, spirituals

1 am 43 with greying hair and bear*, 6 ft and 175

and gospel. I like Ingmar Bergman's movies, French music, sex, theater, c o n temporary dance, the art of Tom of Finland and to do friends worldwide through letters. I ’d also like to get in touch with jazz players and with writers. I am also interested to ex change letters with boys of any (legal) age or race who live in Key West, O r e gon coast, Los Angeles, Washington, New York City and San Francisco. I'd like to exchange books of Brazilian authors in Portugese for American magazines. I would also like to exchange tapes (K7) of MPB — Brazilian pop music for tapes of Nina Simone, Mahalia Jackson, Billie Holliday,

Sarah Vaughan, Miles Daves and Ella Fitzgerald. Letters in English or P o rt ug u e s e , Pedro Vieira Araujo Caixa Postal 854 60001 Fortaleza Ceara Brazil

If you appreciate nature, a simpler life and some solitude; if you e n joy the sensuality of warm rain and the massage of a breeze on a nude body and if you search for basic adventure then here is o p portunity. Knock. K n Q c k . I am a trave 1or/adventurer (influenced by the 60's and Kerouac) bouncing b e tween rural America and a wandering, wondering voy age on my boat to tropical places. I seek kindred brothers to share a voyage beginning in the fall '88.

My plan is to spend sev eral months in the Caribbean enroute to S. America. There, as in winters past, I plan to travel inland. You must be resourceful, adventurous and fit. Fi nancial requirements are minimal; such travel is cheap and some money can be generated e n r o u t e . Sailing experience not necessary. Long letter and photo will generate same. Soca

B. M. Island Venture London WCIN 3XX U. K.

A special hello to all you wonderful guys all over the U, S. Please do not hesitate to write to me and tell me all about yourselves. I am 32, 5'6" tall, 130 lbs with curly black hair and a p a r t i c u lar fancy for massages and all sensual delights. Guys with similar likes should not hesitate to wr i t e , especially you guys who live in sunny Florida. My other intersts include swimming, travelling and extensive reading. I am a teacher and am looking forward to getting a sumnmer job in the U. S. Any one out there who could help me are invited to write to me at your e a r l i est convenience. Looking forward to hearing from you sensuous g u y s . Yours sincerely, Michael McGrath 4 Chalmers A v e ., Apt . 6 Kingston 10, Jamaica

Both Ken and Danny of Pittsburgh wrote to say that their letters, both on p. 59 of issue #54, are still active. -Editor.

I'm studying agriculture here in West Germany (without any enthusiasm) and feel like doing some practical work again. (In fact I must do a practical course for my study.) So I would like to spend this time (for about one or a half year) living and working with people in a community, specially a gay community.

I am a 28-year-old gay in search of the real alchemy of living and working to gether. I hope to hear from you, hear about your community, your (political) work and your drearns. Good will,

Uli

Uli Lehmann Industriestrasse 3 3430 Wikenhausen W. Germany

Dear R F D e r s , If my poetry on the pages of RFD has ever REACHED any of you FAR-away D A R LINGS beyond eyesight and you would like a copy of my brand new chapbook of poems, Ways, just send $3 cash (for airmail postage) to me; the edi tion is limited and signed. $5 will bring you Ways and my previous chapbook, A r e _ Y o u _ R e a d y ? , which has received much praise. Whatever c o rre spondence should ensue would be most welcome. As we say over here, Thank you in advance, Steven Finch Karolinestrasse 6 3185 Schmitten Switzerland

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T have said before, not only do I feel that we have a noteworthy and unique product, but the PROCESS of sharing and collectivism is just as valuable. Like many others, I love that experience and I love my brothers (and sisters) sharing this vision, however foggy and unfocused it may be at times. Clarity is a personal goal of mine, but 1 have learned to accept and appreciate not having all the answers or even all of the questions.

As this will be my lost issue to publish, edit, produce, facilitate, etc., I wanted to say a few words of farewell to ay dear and cherished friends. Indeed, it is the warm bond of fellowship that I share with the aany wonderful readers of this journal that has kept m working with it all these nine years. Although 1 will not be present behind the scenes in the rountine affairs of the journal henceforth, 1 will remain in spirit. In fact, 1 hope to have the U s e to write some in the

future. It is mildly stonishing to re flect that it has been nine years and thirty three issues ago that we as a collective considered taking on the production of BED as a home business at Running Water. We were blessed with no real experience, so we didn't really know what we were getting into. Had we known, we might not have done it and I would have missed an opportunity of a lifetime, personally. 1 can't ex press the depth of experience ay involvement with BED has been. As

We have discussed the need for

BED to develop its own non-profit status and board of directors. My suggestion is that the subscribers periodically elect a board which will oversee the general operations of the journal and offer support and continuity to the managing collective. We have successfully divided the labor and the responsi bilities before, and this is just a logical extension of that process. After all, this is becoming a Grandfather Journal as we begin our fifteenth year of continuous publi cation! That is a respectable record among the alternative press, much less the gay and lesbian press. And, unlike We®ao Spjcii, our sister journal which ceased five years ago, I believe that BED has not said all that must be said. We have a great deal more to grow with. The Journal has a tradition of flexability and change, perhaps unique for a men's effort. Maybe that is a reflection of the cutting edge we are on.

I want to thank all of you for your most generous support for me personally as well as the journal. This experience has been so affirm ing for me that I believe it is what has enabled me to heal some self-worth doubts and be propelled into new and even more challenging work. If I have learned nothing else from my BED and Radical Faerie experiences, I have learned to trust my own inner voice as my highest authority (as we all should). That was the voice that led from San Francisco in 1979 and to Running Water. It is now lead ing me into environmental and coalition work in Asheville. I am thankful for that personal affirma tion of self reliance.

We all must incorporate our entire male-female, active-passive natures to survive the coming world changes. I embrace the changes, and 1 look forward to them as posi tive possibilities for the human race and Gaia. Goddess knows, society can't continue as it has been .

And, I think it is time for the journal to enjoy some new blood, some new persepctives. some new life. I must step to the beat of my drummer, and so must the maga zine. We are most fortunate to have Short Mountain Collective take on this project. They have the re sources to make it work, and it can eventually be a boon to their com munity. But, they will need YOUR support, as you have given it to me and others before. To maintain the sense of sharing and collectivism that the journal enjoys, we all must take a measure of responsibil ity for it. It is OUR journal; we help write it, we help edit it; we help produce it; we help support it. It is only ours to the extent that we participate in its processes.

Lest I wax too grandly, I'll preach another time. Now. I want to say goodbye to my dear friends. The torch is passed, and this boarer is taking a rest. I am al ready deeply involved in another kind of effort, but I can still cheer the new collective on to greater and more exciting journal istic acventures. I welcome folks to visit me in my little house in Asheville when you are coming through. My address is 104 Trotter PI., 28806, and the phone is (704) 252-0643. Blessed be!

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