RFD Issue 60 Winter 1989

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It all began in a rather ordinary way on a rather ordinary day.

Actually, to some of you it might not be so ordinary to h a v e just s p e n t the last h a l f of the day d r u m m i n g , singing, and dancing around a large fire.

I think we some­ times forget that our lives are far from ordinary as we live them at Short Mountain Sanctuary.

Anyway, as we played around the fire we were also antici­ pating the sweat we were planning.

The fire was heating the many rocks to be brought into the sweat lodge about an hour from now.

And after the sweat there would be more playing in the bathhouse as we showered and got ready for a big mid­ summer feast.

nal for gay men which focuses on country living and encour­ ages alternative life-styles.

Articles often explore the building of a sense of commu­ nity, radical faerie conscious­ ness, the caring for the en­ vironment, as well as sharing gay men's experiences.

It was while we were all in the bathhouse that this not so ordinary event took place.

I mean, as ordinary as the day was that's how unordinary this was!

Three of us were sitting in the tub rubbing each other's backs when someone came into the b a t h h o u s e and asked if anyone had lost the beautiful earring they were holding in their hands.

We asked to see it.

It was while passing the earring between us that it into the bath water.

We laughed and began to look Suddenly we all noticed that the water was starting sort of pink and it was getting noticeably hotter as

dropped for it. to turn well.

We were out of that tub in a flash and as we crowded around somewhat curious, somewhat fearful, we saw several small bubbles float to the surface of the water (just like when you fart in the bath).

And then, beli e v e it or not, the sweet sound of an all boy choir softly singing as this holo­ gram-like vision steps lightly out of the tub and asked for a towel.

At first we were too shocked to move but good manners soon had us looking.

"Hi!" it said.

"I have many names but my faerie name is 'ASKAND.' Thanks for the towel."

Editorship responsibility is shared between the Department Editors and the Managing Edi­ tors. The business and general : production is centered at Short Mountain Sanctuary in rural middle Tennessee.

Features are often prepared in various places by different groups.

RFD (ISSN O149-709X) is pub­ lished quarterly for ^15 per year by Short Mountain Collec­ tive, Et. 1, 5ox 84A, Liberty, TN 37095. Second class post­ age is paid at Liberty, TN and i additional mailing offices.

Postmaster: send address chan­ ges to RFD P0 Box 68, Liberty, TN 37093 ISSN # 0149-709X USPS # 073-010-00

And then the strangest thing of all happened.

ASKAND said, "Go ahead, make a wish, ask for something.

Ask for lots of things!

Ask and you shall receive!"

There was a flutter of glitter and there before us on the floor was the earring we had dropped in the tub.

Non-profit tax exempt status under #23-7199134 as a func­ tion of Gay Community Social Services, Seattle Washington.

Well, by this time we were all very hungry and all in a tither as we left the bathhouse for the main cabin and din­ ner.

While eating we talked excitedly about what the ear­ ring meant.

Someone suggested that it was meant to be worn.

Someone else asked what does it mean when you wear one.

It. was while eating dessert that we decided to write this to all of you.

achieved consensus

MEMBER: CCLM (Coordinating Council of Literary Magazines) IGLA (Int'l Gay & Lesbian Assoc. )

and

INDEXED by Alternative Press Media PC Box 33109 Baltimore, MD 21216

SO WE ARE ASKING!!!

THIS IS OUR WISH LIST. "ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE”

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RFD c a l e n d a r P.O. Box 68, Liberty, TN 37095

XVI No.2 ISSUE 60 contributors Alan Atkinson............

Kelvin Beliele...........

Malta Boranski...........

L. John Cieslinski.......

Christopher Corbett/Fiacco Terry Oe1ilont...........

Charles Donovan..........

Audr ius Dundz i11a........

Bru Dye..................

Richard Thoaas Edwards....

Dan Eneaan...............

Dan Engstroa.............

Jaaes Franklin...........

Dav id Frechete.......... .

Daveen Gu 1 1een...........

P. H a u e r J r .............

Michael Hathaway.........

Jia Jackson..............

Ken Kildore..............

Jia Ki1onsky.............

David Kwasigr.oh..........

Lee Lawrence.............

Brother Slowponder Luggat, Deacon...........

Luna.....................

Buddy May................

Glen Mitroff.............

Moonhawk..................

Darlene Moore............

Miss Nancy...............

Crazy Owl................

Stefan Ripich............

Robbi Rhyndrees..........

F.R.M. Schraa............

Glenn Sitzaan............

Lee Steenhuis............

St ........................

Walden...................

L.E. Ward................

Steven E. Woolard........

Greg Zak.................

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EEATURE: Re-Adressing Faerie Doctrines, by: A Group of North Coast Cleveland Faeries F R O N T

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PUBLISHERS Short, M o u n t a i n C o l l e c t i v e

VOLLUNTEER

DEPARTMENT

BOOK REVIEWS - Misha Bear CA BROTHERS BEHIND BARS - Len Richardson GARDENING - Open GATHERINGS - Heraan Struapf OH KITHCHEN QUEEN - Buddy May AR LUNAR CALENDAR - Moonhawk AR MUSIC - Glen Mitroff WI POETRY - Steven Riel MA SPIRITUALITY - Paul Maier KY

ERRATUM:

EDITORS

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We apologize for an error made in the layout of Aliza Luick-Thrams' poem "Retracing an Obscene Crime" in Issue 59.

Sections 5 and 6 were omitted and half of Section 9 was tacked on to the end of Section 3, which should have ended with the line, "and of stray cottonwood threads."

We will publish Sections 5, 6, and 9 in Issue 61.

We would like to apologize to you, our readers, and to our friend Robert Patrick for the sloppy job of editing on his short story in issue #59 A STUDENT TEACHER RELATIONSHIP. It should read pages 42,44,43 and 45. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re so EMBARRASSED!

contents / index d i a l o g u e : AND ESSAYS Lee Valley Far* Out With the Hillbillies Winter Photography BOOK REVIEWS God of Ecstacy Curzon in Love The Natural Depth in Man BROTHERS BEHIND BARS Prison is a Place Information CONTACT LETTERS FEATURE Progress Not Perfection Poetry A Journey of Greater Self Awareness Coll age Vision Including Pagan Gods Poetry Casting a City Circle Poetry GATHERINGS HEALTH AIDS Resources Healthy Holiday Nuts HUMOR Faerie Action Shopping Spree KITCHEN QUEEN f o r

1 2 3 6> 3 1 £X O 5 1 5 1 5 1 5 2 3 8 3 8 3 <9 5 3 1 <9 1 <9 2 0 2 1 22 2 -a 2 5 2 6 2 7 2 8

Lee Lawrence Terry Deli»ont Richard Thomas Edwards Audrius Dundzilla L.E. Ward Ken Kildore Stephen E. Woolard

Stefan Ripich Ji* Ki lonsky Robbi Rhyndreos Ji* Ki lonsky Stefan Ripich Ji* Ki 1onsky Ja*es Frankl in Ji* Ki lonsky

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Crazy Owl Daveen Gurleen Buddy May

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CALENDAR M U S IC The Sound of Music ROETRY Fr iday Morning Prelude Your Letter Tryst Cinna*on Man Magic Andrew The Red Cedar Wood Mr. Blue Whale in Sunday School History is Me*ory While Looking at a Photograph of Barbra Streisand in Life Magazine The Jersey Kid An Open Letter to the Progressive Co**unity r e m e m b e r i n g

Urban Magic

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MoonHawk Glen Mitrof f

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Greg Zak Christopher Corbett-Fi acco P. Ha*»er, Jr. Kelvin Beliele Michael Hathaway Dan Ene*an Alan Atkinson F.R.M. Schra* Brother Slowponder Luggot. Deacon Darlene Moore

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Walta Borawski David Frechette

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LETTERS TO FLf D My D e a r B r o t h e r s Mount a i n ,

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Short

I am s a d , i n a wa y , t h a t RFD i s no l o n g e r s p r e a d o u t a l l o v e r t h e p l a c e h e r e a t Ru n n i n g Wa t e r , b u t on t h e o t h e r h a n d I am h a p p y .

Happy and p r o u d t h a t t he ma g a z i n e is in good and l o v i n g hands !

As I r e a d each issue you h a v e p r e s e n t e d t o y o u r r e a d e r s , I n o t only e n j o y t he r e a d i n g and a r t i c l e s b u t mo s t o f a l l e n j o y r e a d i n g t h e love you p l a c e b e t w e e n every line!

Keep up t h e good work, your love c e r t a i n l y shows !

Much l o v e a n d m a k i n g memor i e s , Ri c De a r S h o r t Mo u n t a i n C o l l e c t i v e That RFD i s p r o v i d i n g a f o r u m f o r d i a l o g u e on "Man- Boy L o v e " is e x c e l l e n t .

It is genui ne l y a s e r v i c e t o o u r c o mn u n i t y ; I know t h a t o t h e r s o u t s i d e o f t h e u s u a l RFD c o m m u n i t y a r e also watching this dialogue d e v e l o p wi t ^h g r e a t i n t e r e s t .

I t ma y t u r n o u t t o h a v e s i g ­ nificant influence in the t hought of i n d i v i d u a l s engaged in a c t i v i t y w i t h u n d e r a g e youths, professional psycho­ t h e r a p i s t s and o t h e r s d e a l i n g with " o f f e n d e r s , " and the a c a d e m i c and p h i l o s o p h i c a l c o r r mu n i t i e s as well.

It is a d e e p a n d p o w e r f u l s u b j e c t , and my thanks to t h e S h o r t Mo u n ­ t a i n C o l l e c t i v e f o r h a v i n g t he v i s i o n a n d g u t s t o t a k e i t on .

C o n g r a t u l a t i o n s a l s o on t h e great new " l o o k " o f i s s u e 059 too; while s t i l l remaining homey and p e r s o n a b l e in a technological society the q u a l i t y o f RFD h a s g o n e u p under your s te w a rd s h ip .

P l e a s e f i n d e n c l o s e d my c o n ­ t r i b u t i o n to the d i a l o g u e .

R e g r e t t a b l y , I am n o t e n ­ c l o s i n g a n a d d r e s s a n d am u s i n g a p a g a n name o u t o f c a u t i o n , s i n c e I have s h a r e d a b o u t i l l e g a l a c t i v i t i e s wh i c h

/ have engaged i n.

My e x p e r i ­ e n c e In S o u t h e a s t A s i a a n d Latin A m e r i c a h a s t a u g h t me t h a t t h e r e i s no s u c h t h i n g a s " t o o p a r a n o i d " wh e n i t c o me s t o a v o i d i n g c e r t a i n g o v e r n me n t a g e n c i e s l i k e t h e p l a g u e wh i c h they ar e.

Th i s i s y o u r c o mp e ­ t e n t and a b l e hands n ow-- I h o p e t h a t you a r e a b l e t o r u n t he s u b mi s s i o n as i t is; i f I never see it appear then I w i l l a s s u m e t h a t i t wa s t o o l o n g o r d e e me d i n a p p r o p r i a t e for inclusion.

I h e s i t a t e d to wr i t e for s everal days, a c t u ­ a l l y , b e c a u s e I was t h i n k i n g , " E v e r y o n e a l r e a d y kQQWS. a l l t h i s s t u f f , " a n d "Who am I t o go b l o t t i n g a r r o g a n t l y on a b o u t my e x p e r i e n c e , " ( e t c . ) , b u t then I r e f l e c t e d on how many y e a r s o f t r i a l and e r r o r , how ma n y b o o k s a n d l o n g d i s ­ c u s s i o n s , how l o n g an d a t times e x t r e me l y d i f f i c u l t a p r o c e s s i t h a s b e e n f o r me t o a r r i v e at this p e r s p e c t i v e .

For w h a t e v e r i t may be w o r t h , l f i n a l l y d e c i d e d t h a t i t was b e t t e r t o p r e s u me t o w r i t e a nd perhaps

feel

foolish

Sky

Ed . no t e - - S e e h i s a r t i c l e "A C a l l f o r D i a l o g u e . "

in

Gen11emen;; Issue 59 is one of the best ever.

Congratulations.

Good fiction, very good poetry (especially Treby's "A Small Thing"), and the Lindholm article an inspiration...quick question--is the Walden illus­ tration on page 28 an accurate portrait of Starhawk? And, if so, how does Starhawk feel about hairy little blond guys?

Just wondering....

Anyway, thanks for a great magazine, and I'll be submitting some of my writing again in the near future.

L .E. Wilson Ed. note--The above-mentioned author "Starhawk” is incor­ rect. His name is Skyhawk-see RAINWOODS on page 7 of issue 059 for more information --sorry about that, Skyhawk!

4

Th a n k y o u !

Tha nk you so much for being t he r e !

I'm a coun­ t r y b o y s t u c k i n a c i t y , and t h i s ma ga z i n e i s l i k e a b r e a t h of f r e s h mo u n t a i n a i r !

First, l e t me l a u d y o u r ma.LYe.lQ.wS. stories. " Al e x i n t h e Sky, with D i a m o n d s " ( I s s u e 0 5 7 ) r e a l l y was one o f t h e m o s t mo v i n g s t o r i e s I ’ve e v e r r e a d , a n d i n t h i s i s s u e ( 0 5 9 ) , "Land o f t h e R e d B u f f a l o " h a d me b a w l i n ' my e y e s o u t f r o m t h e t2.QW8.Lf.uL me s s a g e a n d p o i g n a n t way o f p u t t i n g i t a c r o s s .

T h e s e a r e j u s t t wo o f t h e s t o r i e s which I have loved s i n c e I p i c k e d up #57 at C e l e ­ b r a t i o n i n Austin, TX. I wi s h I could say something about 0. LL y o u r s t o r i e s , a r t a n d p o e t r y , b u t t h i s l e t t e r wo u l d g e t t oo e x p e n s i v e v e r y q u i c k ­ ly.

S u f f i c e t o s a y t h a t I am going to enj oy r ea di ng s t o r i e s a n d p o e t r y b y a n d a b o u t my fellow f aeries.

later

t han neve r to have w r i t t e n a t a l l a n d always wo n d e r i f s o me ­ h o w, s o m e w h e r e , i t ma y have ma d e a d i f f e r e n c e t o s o me o n e i f onl y I had w r i t t e n .

Ag a i n , my t h a n k s f o r y o u r h a r d e f ­ f o r t s in p u t t i n g out RFD-- i t m a k e s a d i f f e r e n c e f o r me .

War ml y y o u r s , Ni g h t

De a r RFD,

Ken McCune

De a r RFD, Why c a n ' t RFD r e a d e r s s u p p l y RFD w i t h a p h o t o a n d 1 - 3 p a r a ­ graphs about themselves ( w h e t h e r t h e y l i v e in the c o u n t r y or n o t ) ?

Th e s e p h o t o s a n d p a r a g r a p h s c o u l d be a c o n t i n u i n g t h i n g ( my p r e f e r ­ e n c e ) or j u s t a o n e - t i me f e a ­ t u r e ( s o r t of l i k e a c l a s s yearbook).

The c o n t a c t l e t ­ t e r s a r e a l wa y s t h e b e s t t h i n g a b o u t RFD now, I t h i n k .

We l l , l e t ' s f i n a l l y e mp h a s i z e the photos, interests, activities o f t h e g a y s who r e a d i t !

Just s i g n me : A n o t h e r Bo a r d R e a d e r o f RFD P S : I ' v e s u g g e s t e d t h i s idea b e f o r e , b u t n o t h i n g e v e r came of i t .

Hope y o u r new t e a m i s mo r e r e c e p t i v e t o t h e i d e a .

De a r F r i e n d s : You i n q u i r e d i f I , a s a p a s t subscriber, am d i s s a t i s f i e d w i t h s o m e t h i n g in or a b o u t RFD. A c t u a l l y , I s u p p o s e my r e a s o n f o r not r e n e w i n g is t h a t I f e e l t h e r e i s t o o much c o n c e r n wi t h t he pagan a n d / o r r e l i g i o u s c u l t s f o r my t a s t e .

Ot h e r wi s e I l i k e the p e r i o d i ­ cal in g e n e r a l .

J.K.H.

Dear Short Mountain Collective I c a n ' t t e l l you how g r a t e f u l I am f o r h a v i n g f o u n d y o u r book.

I ’ ve know o f i t f o r years.

D o n ’ t know wh a t p u t me o f f , e x c e p t ma y b e t h e n a me .

P e r h a p s i t b o r e a w h i f f of c o u n t r y mu s i c and a h a y s e e d q u a l i t y I wa s by no means in touch wi t h.

The f i c t i o n c a n c o m p a r e w i t h any, a n d o n e p o e m, I v o r T r e b y ' s "A S ma l l T h i n g , ” e q u a l s a n y t h i n g of F r o s t o r Hous ma n.

The a r t i c l e b y H a r r y Ha y i s a s g o o d a s w o u l d be e x p e c t e d f r o m h i s c o n t r i b u t i o n t o Ma r k T h o mp ­ s o n ' s IhS. G W S u L l LL. I've n e v e r me t h i m , b u t l a t e l y a t t h e Long Be a c h Gay a n d L e s b i a n Commu n i t y C e n t e r I ' v e had t h e o p p o r t u n i t y t o s e e and me e t a g a i n M o r r i s K i g h t and Dor r L e g g , who l i k e H a r r y a r e g a y p i o n e e r s in L . A. I am p a r ­ t i c u l a r l y p l e a s e d w i t h the i n t e r e s t on t h e p a r t o f y o u r r e a d e r s and c o n t r i b u t o r s in spirituality.

To me t h i s h a s n o t h i n g t o do w i t h o r g a n i z e d religions but rather with Socrates, Spinoza, Jesus, T e i l h a r d , and o t h e r t h i n k e r s and t e a c h e r s , i n c l u d i n g Wh i t ­ ma n a n d P r o u s t .

E v e r y good wi s h f o r c o n t i n u e d s u c c e s s .

L e t me r e g i s t e r t w o m i n o r o b j e c t i o n s , both t y po gr aph ­ ical.

First, I'm ap p a lle d t h a t your use s a n s - s e r i f t ype, a n y w h e r e , as o t h e r t he n d i s ­ play type.

As body c o p y , i t ' s v i r t u a l l y unreadable.

And I ’m a l m o s t e q u a l l y a g h a s t t h a t you s h o u l d s e t a n y ma c h i n e on 1 0 p i t c h r a t h e r than - 1 2 .

I f you d o n ' t b e l i e v e me , j u s t t r y r e d u c i n g t h i s p a g e t o t h e same p e r c e n t a g e you u s e f o r t he c o l u mn s and s e e wha t I me a n.

S e c o n d , you n e e d a p r i n t - s i t e proofreader.

In t h e s e c o n d p a r a g r a p h of Between the L i n e s , on r e v e r s e o f f r o n t c o v e r , l i n e s 6 and 7, you p r o v i d e a h a p p y e x a mp l e o f t h e use of the a p o s t r o p h e : it's s i x t e e n t h y e a r ( come o n ! ) a n d i t ' s b e e n a j o y ( r i g h t o n .') .

You m u s t by now h a v e n o t i c e d that in R o b e r t P a t r i c k ' s s t o r y , t h e r e have been l i n e s o r p a r a g r a p h s d r o p p e d b e t we e n p a g e s 4 2 a n d 4 3 , a n d t h e same b e t we e n p a g e s 43 a n d 4 4 .

It's an e x c e l l e n t s t o r y , and t he first one even r e s e m b l i n g s c i e n c e f i c t i o n I ’ve b e e n a b l e to r e a d c le a r th ro u g h .

P a t r i c k ' s p l a y s , w h i c h I ’ ve seen in L. A. , a r e e x c e l l e n t .

Ar t Do wl i n g

Ed note: Art this 10 pt. type isn’t great I lust agree, how­ ever the typewriter runs off a O-cell batteries (we don’t have electricity) has a mem­ ory and word processing cap­ abilities, so for now we need to use it. We’re certainly open to other options.

De a r RFD, Th a n k you f o r t h i s g r e a t ma g a ­ zine. ”A CALL FOR DI ALOGUE” is v e r y good and is g r e a t l y appreciated.

I t i s h e l p f u l in d e c i d i n g a n d s o r t i n g out is­ sues.

Thanks for th is addition.

Ti m L u f f

All nail F R F ' D receives will be considered for inclusion in our letters section. If you do not wish to have your letter published, or if you would like your na»e withheld please let us know when you send your letter. We appreciate hearing from you, your feedback enables us to produce a wore circumspect journal.

HEALTH De a r R e a d e r s , The c o n t i n u i n g AIDS c r i s i s has g e n e r a t e d a p l e t h o r a of i n f o r ­ ma t i on.

S i n c e RFD i s a quar­ terly p u b l i c a t i o n , u p - t o - t h e m i n u t e r e p o r t i n g on p r o m i s i n g new d r u g s or t r i a l s is not possible.

Be l ow i s a p a r t i a l l i s t o f o u r AIDS s o u r c e s .

Do y o u wa n t us t o g l e a n a n y n ew s­ w o r t h y it e m s or do y o u h a v e mo r e p r i m a r y s o u r c e s o r o t h e r s o u r c e s o f w h i c h we a r e n o t awa r e .

P l e a s e l e t us know.

AIDS TREATMENT I SSUES - - T h e AIDS T r e a t m e n t R e g i s t r y provides up-to-date i nf or ma­ t i o n on c l i n i c a l t r i a l s of antivirals, i rrmunomodu la t o r s , and drugs for H IV -related i n f e c t i o n s a n d c a n c e r s i n New Y o r k a n d New J e r s e y .

Their e a s i l y r e a d a b l e g u i d e c a n be o b t a i n e d by c a l l i n g ( 2 1 2 ) 2 6 8 4198.

5

- - A m e r i c a n F o u n d a t i o n f o r AIDS R e s e a r c h ( AmF AR) a l s o p u b ­ l i s h e s a c a t a l o g of t r i a l s i nvol vi ng expe r i ment al dr ugs.

The "AI DS / HI V E x p e r i m e n t a l Treatment D irecto ry ” also includes several glossaries and i n f o r m a t i on a b o u t the federal clinical trials ef­ f o r t s and l i c e n s i n g of d r u g s .

W r i t e t o AniFAR a t 1 5 1 5 B r o a d ­ way, S u i t e 3 6 0 1 , New Yo r k , NY 1 0 0 3 6 , or c a l l ( 2 1 2 ) 7 1 9 - 0 0 3 3 .

- - Th e N a t i o n a l I n s t i t u t e s of Health operate a t o l l - f r e e h o t l i n e to pr ovi de i nf ormat i on on H I V - r e l a t e d c l i n i c a l t r i a l s r u n by t h e f e d e r a l g o v e r n me n t .

C a l l e r s ma y r e q u e s t a S p a n ­ ish-speaking operator.

The l i n e s a r e open Mo n . - F r i . 9 : 0 0 AM t o 7 : 0 0 PM e a s t e r n t i m e .

The num ber i s 1 - 8 0 0 - T RI AL S - A. -- "AI DS T r e a t m e n t News ” Is a s h o r t , b i w e e k l y r e p o r t which chronicles current develop­ ments in e x p e r i m e n t a l and a l t e r n a t i v e t r e a t m e n t s and deals with public p o l i c y i s ­ sues.

C o n t a c t J o h n S. J a m e s a t P .O . Box 41 1 2 5 6 , San F r a n ­ c i s c o , CA 9 4 1 4 1 o r c a l l ( 4 1 5 ) 255-0588.

-- P r o je c t Inform p ubl is hes a n e w s l e t t e r c a l l e d "PI P e r s p e c ­ t i v e ” wh i c h d e a l s w i t h e x p e r i ­ me n t a l t r e a t m e n t s a n d f o c u s e s special attention on d r u g r e g u l a t o r y I s s u e s and p u b l i c policy.

Another valuable r e s o u r c e is t h e i r u p - t o - d a t e drug h o t l i n e .

C a l l t he m a t 1800-822-7422.

- - "PWA C o a l i t i o n N e w s l i n e , " published " b y a n d f o r p e o p l e w i t h AI DS a n d AI DS R e l a t e d C o n d i t i o n s , ” is a g r a s s - r o o t s news m a g a z i n e t h a t a p p e a r s mont hl y.

Wr i t e PWA C o a l i t i o n I n c . , 31 We s t 2 6 t h S t . , New Yo r k , NY 1 0 0 1 0 , or c a l l ( 2 1 2 ) 532-0290.

As k a b o u t t h e i r o t h e r p u b l i c a t i o n s , "S u r v i v i n g a n d T h r i v i n g w i t h AI DS. " --B ody P o s i t i v e i s an o r g a n i ­ z a t i o n f o r p e o p l e who a r e HIVpositive.

The g o a l s o f t h e o r g a n i z a t i o n a r e to exchange information, advocate re­ search, fight discrimination, and p r o v i d e mut ua l e m o t i o n a l support.

They p u b l i s h a m o n t h l y n e w s l e t t e r c a l l e d "The Body P o s i t i v e W r i t e t o: 20 8 We s t 1 3 t h S t . , New Y o r k , NY 1 0 0 1 1 o r call ( 2 1 2 ) 6 3 3 - 1 7 8 2 .

Al s o p r o v i d i n g s e r v i c e s to s e r o p o s i t i v e s i s an o r g a n i z a ­ t i o n c a l l e d ”P o s i t i v e A c t i o n . " For more i n f o r m a t i o n , c a l l (212) 727-7768.

Continued on Page 58

R

a d i c a l

r

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e i r i e

NEW FAERIE CIRCLE EORMING

:

The Philadelphia area now has a faerie circle, contact Earth at 215/735-4249 (evenings) or write him at 247 S Juniper St. Apt. 303. Philadelphia, PA 19107.

Here is a listing of all the places we know that host gath­ erings. Please write to the contact listed to get more specific information. If you would like to be a part of this listing please let us know. Urban Faerie Circles can be listed as well. The «ore we network the stronger we become

KWELULE

The Spokane and Inland Empire Faerie information and Historical Research Project is presently exploring and restoring our past culture.

Blending with our New Age ideas to formulate and redis­ cover ourselves as we redis­ cover and reclaim our culture.

Finding new ways of assimila­ tion into the present day society around us.

Atlanta Fairy Circle Jim Ferguson 880 Myrtle St. #5, Atlanta GA 30309 404/874-0952 Canadian Faeries Les Fees du Canaoa Ken Hi 11is 1*6 248 Elgin St. Ottawa Ontario Canada K2P IL9 Chicago Faeries c/o Midwest Mens Center PO Box 2547 Chicago IL 60690

Ra inwoods Skyhawk PO Box 203 Fork Union YA 23055

Canawango, western NY Jay Stratton 121 Union St. Westfield NY 14787

Running Water Center Rt. 1 Box 115 Bakersville NC 28705

Gray Lady Place Kenn Wah1er-Zanghi PO Box 611 Blum TX 76627

San Francisco Faeries Tel-a-Fairy 415/648-6064 Events and message tape for The Bay Area Faeries.

L 'Af farle The Beau Monde PO Box 1583 Pineville LA 71361 Mid-Atlantic Faeries Bob Lubarsky 220 N Mulberry St. Lancaster PA 17603 Noaenus PO Box 11655 San Francisco CA 94101 Northeastern Faeries including Blue heron Farm Hal Tatelman 6158 E. Pratt St. Baltimore MD 21224 Northwestern Faeries 1206 1st Ave. #23 Seattle WA 98101

TRIBE

Seattle Fairy Phone 206/784-0085 Event tape for Seattle area.

Short Mountain Sanctuary Rt. 1 Box 84-A Liberty TN 37095 Southern California Harry Hay and John Burnside 5343 La Cresta Ct. L.A. CA 90030 Urinations Capitol Faeries Raphael Sabatini 1332 15th St. NW 8-4 Washington DC 20005 202/745-0414 Willow Hollow Ranch PO Drawer 70 Purlear NC 28665

Northwoods John Sutton 2440 Garfield Ave. S Minneapolis MN 55405

If any faeries are out flying about in the Northwest, Spokane area. You are welcome to visit and places are avail­ able for you to stay. Contact us at the Kwelule Tribe, P.0.

Box 472, Spokane WA 99210, phone 509/747-6912.

Tentative plans are to have a gathering from December 21-24 in Pottstown which is northwest of Philadelphia.

Call Bob Lubarsky at 717/2938662 or Earth under the Philadelphia 1isting.

SHORT MOUNTAIN BELTANE BASH It’s not too early to mark your calendars for the Tenth Anniversary of Short Mountain’s Spring Gathering.

We will celebrate by weaving a May Pole, a sweatlodge ceremony, flawless drag and other festivities. Join us early for the pre-Gathering work week, write S.M.S. for more information.

NORTHEASTERN EAERIES They have been known to host a gathering around the time of the Spring Equinox contact them to confirm the rumor.

NORTHWESTERN

Philadelphia Faeries Earth 247 S. Juniper St. #303, Ph i 1a., PA 19107 215/735-4249 6

Presidents Weekend in February there is a gathering held at Breitenbush Hot Springs in Oregon. Contact them for detaiIs.

DOMESTIC PARTNERS The landmark Domestic Partners legislation, signed into law in June, 1989 but later referred to the ballot, suf­ fered a setback when San Fran­ cisco voters failed to aprove it. The measure was defeated by an extremely narrow margin, 50.5* to 49.5*. The measure would have made San Francisco the first city in the nation to formally recognize the existence of gay and lesbian relationships, by providing domestic partnership registra­ tion by the city government.

Harry Britt, President of the Board of Supervisors stated, we have suffered a setback, but the defeat only temporar­ ily postpones these important steps in recognizing non-traditional relationships. We will move quickly to realize tne dreams which were jolted in the election aftershock. ,c law already had a rh' 11'.ng ef *' o vencures, mciuding a safer-sex guide r,lannprf bv Alvson Publications. a c t

n o w

Twenty cities around the nation took part in ACT NOW’s (the AIDS Coalition To Network, Organize and Win) Day of Action October 6th. The nation-wide coordination of events,timed to coincide with the final showing of the AIDS Quilt in Washington D.C., is indicative of a growing unity in a resurgent AIDS Movement.

"In city after city the October 6th demonstration was the largest and most visible AIDS action ever held and indicates people are not buying into the notion that the AIDS crisis is somehow over," reported ACT NOW coor­ dinator Arawn Eibhlyn.

In San Francisco a march of 500 people organized by ACT UP/San Francisco was harassed and finally attacked by hun­ dreds of police. Demonstrators protesting federal AIDS poli­ cies were repeatedly thwarted in their attempts to march in the street, previously a com­ mon practice in that city. In Los Angeles 400 demonstrators closed the Federal Buildi.ig to arriving employees for much of the morning.

ACT NOW is turning their attention to actions planned for next year in Chicago and San Francisco. On April 23 activists will converge on Chicago demanding access to quality health care for all.

Prudential Insurance being the major target. In June the activities will shift to San Francisco for the Interna­ tional AIDS Conference being held in that city.

MASSACHUSETTS RASS-ES G A Y RIGHTS BILL After 17 years of being filed, both the Massachusetts House and Senate passed the gay civil rights bill which will prohibit discrimination against gays in employment, housing, credit, insurance and public accomodations. Massachu­ setts becomes the second state to have civil rights legisla­ tion for gay men and lesbians.

Activists are hoping that this victory will encourage other states to pass similar legislation.

"The success of the Massachu­ setts gay and lesbian commu­ nity will inspire and energize activists all over the coun­ try," said Sue Hyde, spokes­ person for the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. Hyde emphasized that of all the

7

legislative work being done by gays and lesbians, none is more important than passing comprehensive civil rights legislation. "The lesson learned from 17 years of filing the bill in Massachu­ setts is ’dont’ give up, don’t shut up and don’t go away.’"

“Gay civil rights is perhaps the last frontier of the great civil rights struggles of the twentieth century," stated David La Fontaine, lobbying director for the Coalition for Lesbian and Gay Civil Rights.

"A community that has been silent and invisible is rapid­ ly transforming itself into a surging political force. The dream we’ve realized here in Massachusetts may be echoed in state after state in the very near future."

SPEAK

OUT

The Human Rights Campaign Fund has an easy way for you to be politically active without leaving your house. The Speak Out message campaign are mailgrams that are sent at criti­ cal times to Congress when a vote that affects the gay and lesbian community comes up.

The Mail Gram can be charged to your phone bill or to your credit card. Please join and stand up to be counted amoung those who care enough to Speak Out. Call HRCF at 202/628-4160 for information.

GAY MARRIAGES DENMARK

IN

The Danish Parliament passed legislation that has legalized same sex marriage. The new law provides for all of the rights that heterosexuals benefit from except for adoption of children. Denmark is the first country in the world to offi­ cially sanction gay marriage.

I RI S M E V E S Gay activists in Ireland need help in pressuring their government to obey a December 1988 European Court of Human Rights decision ordering Ireland to rescind its sodomy 1aws.

The European Court has no power to enforce its rulings, but nations who are signa­ tories to the European Convention on Human Rights ordinarily modify their laws in accord with its decsions.

To date, however, the Irish Parliament has not introduced the necessary legislation, and activists with Dublin’s Gays and Lesbians Equality Network (CLEN) believe pressure from outside the country could speed the process.

Please write a letter demanding that Ireland affirm its tradition of justice and its history of opposing oppression by legalizing gay sex and enacting anti-d1 scrimination protections for gays and lesbians. Write Prime Minister Charles Haughey, T.D., Government Buildings, Upper Merrion St., Dublin 2, Ireland. Send copies to GLEN, c/o GSD, Community Service Project, 13 Christ Church Place, Dublin 2, Ireland.

WORLD

A ID S

DAY

As this magazine goes to the printers. World AIDS Day is being observed by several groups engaging in non-violent civil disobedience at the White House. December I has been designated World AIDS Day bv the World Health Organi­ zation. You can help in this struggle by writing your Congressperson with the de­ mands of the "Call to Action."

We demand: RECOGNITION of the basic right to healthcare and establish­ ment of a national healthcare policy that meets the needs of the American people: LEADERSHIP from President Bush, Secretary Sullivan and the Congress to assure that the second decade of this epidemic has an agressive, fully funded plan of action, including immediate passage and vigorous enforcement of the Americans with Disabilities Act:

ACCESS to necessary treatments and early interventions NOW for all people with HIV infec­ tion regardless of sex, race, sexual orientation, age or economic status; COMMITTMENT to the establish­ ment of a full continuum of care that addresses the pri­ mary and acute health care, housing, mental health, and social services needs of people with AIDS and HIV infection; DEDICATION of resources and sound public policy to an expanded, targeted and more aggressive education and pre­ vention effort unimpeded by the moralism of the past.

The Nation’s AIDS Agenda requires action now! the American people deserve nothing less.

The ACLU filed suit, chal­ lenging the raid as a viola­ tion of the men’s rights to association, to privacy and to be free from unreasonable searches and seizures. The suit asserted that the members of the class desire the social benefits of living in a fully integrated society--including the freedom to associate with persons who are gay and to do so in places of public accomodation.

If the judge accepts the terms of the settlement, each patron would receive approximately $5,000, the return of all doc­ uments containing the personal information which the agents made them disclose, as well as the individual photographs. In addition, any police records of individuals detained during the raid would be expunged.

NEW

ACLU WINS RIGHT TO A S S O C I A T I O N CASE A tentative settlement has been reached in a federal class action suit filed on behalf of fifty gay men who were patrons of Carol’s Speakeasy, a Chicago gay nightclub which was raided by state drug agents and Chicago police in 1985. According to the American Civil Liberties Union of Illinois (ACLU) Legal Director Harvey M. Grossman this is the first time a group of gay men has successfully joined together to obtain damages from law enforcement agencies.

The officers participating in the raid had only a single arrest warrant for the barten­ der of the establishment. They detained over 50 men who were patrons and employees for periods of up to three hours.

The men were made to remain face-down on the floor for long periods of time, sub­ jected to derogatory slurs based on sexual orientation, searched and questioned exten­ sively. Before they were allowed to leave the bar, each man was photographed.

8

JUDGES

CODE

The new code of ethics for judges will include a ban against discrimintation based on sexual orientation if the National Gay and Lesbian Law Association has its way. Board member Suzanne Bryant described the current "epi­ demic of violence" against lesbians and gay men "who are often reluctant to report crimes because they fear they may, like rape victims, be victimized a second time by the judicial system." The Moral Code of Judicial Conduct serves as ethical guidance for judges throughout the country.

Testimony at the hearing showed that the justice system is not always impartial when it comes to lesbians and gay men. In 1987, Daniel Wan was brutally beaten and murdered outside a gay bar in Fort Lauderdale. At a pre-trial hearing, Judge Daniel Futch asked the prosecutor, "That’s a crime now, to beat up a homosexual?" The judge later said he was kidding, but gay rights groups throughout the country failed to see the humor. The frightening impli­ cation of remarks like these is that gay people are fair game. If the Code of Judicial Conduct is revised to include a ban against judicial discrim ination on the basis of sexual orientation, judges will be accountable and may think twice before they fail to pro­ vide equal justice under the 1aw.

R I G H T S ?

A recent appearance by William Allen, Chairman of the U.S. Civil Rights Commision at an anti-gay and lesbian symposium was strongly condemned by The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (NGllTF) . Participation

by Allen is "sad ana appalling, and deeply anti­ thetical to principles of equality and fairness," said NGLTF. The conference was sponsored by the California Coalition for Traditional Values, led by Rev. Louis Sheldon, a strident foe of gay and lesbian civil rights. Sheldon is a proponent of the belief that nomosexuality is an “illness" that should be “prevented and cured."

"I regret that as Commission Chairman you will align your­ self with some of the most virulent hatemongers of this country. It further discredits the commision if its chairman is participating in a sym­ posium about some of the most quack theories of sexuality around," wrote Urvashi Vaid NGLTF executive director in a letter to Allen.

Many of Allen’s own colleagues on the Commission rebuked the chairman for appearing at the conference and called the title of his speech " ’Blacks?

Animals? Homosexuals7 What Is a Minority?,’ thoughtless, disgusting and unnecessarily inf 1amatory."

"Allen is a living civil rights oxymoron -- apparently more interested in perpet­ uating civil wrongs than upholding equality," said Robert Bray, NGLTF public information director.

Gay activists also criticized the use of government funds to send Allen to the conference.

"Gays and lesbians are often accused erroneously, of using Federal funds to ’promote homosexuality,’" said Bray. We object strenuously to the use of Federal funds and tax­ payer’s money for promoting bigotry. " The Civil Rights Commission, created to study, analyze and make recommendations to the Republican Administration on equality, discrimination and other civil rights matters expired at the end of November.

\X<3t'°nS or gdn 'Mi GAY AND R R ID E

LESE3 X A N

O N UiI N G S LEATHER

OE

A new information service for those wanting to organize Pride events in the community has been established by The International Association of Lesbian/Gay Pride Coordinators (IALGPC). When individuals call 612/336-4111, IALGPC will put them in touch with members across the United States and Canada who have expertise in planning marches, parades, festivals and rallies.

A newsletter for leather wiccans, pagans, and faeries has sent out its first issue, on W ings of leather hopes to reach out and provide a net­ work for leather faeries.

Contact: Northwino P.0. Box 2253, Vancouver, B.C. V6B 3W2, Canada.

IALGPC was founded in 1982 to strengthen and support Pride organizations across the country in their efforts to plan Lesbian/Gay Pride cele­ brations. Both existing and forming groups are invited to call the helpline for assis­ tance and to request the free newsletter and how-to sheets issued by IALGPC.

Gay and lesbian Buddhists are encouraged to get involved and participate in the Buddhist Association, P.0. Box 1974, Bloomfield. NJ 07003

i n t e r n a t i o n a l , a i d s c o n f e r e n c e

Seeking to assure that com­ munity needs for information on the developing science of AIDS are met, and to assure expression of a public policy agenda responsive to the needs of HIV infected people, the Sixth International Conference on AIDS has embarked on an unprecedented community out­ reach program. With this pro­ gram, Conference organizers hope to include people with HIV infection, lesbians and gay men, women, people of color, people of the third world, AIDS service providers and activist organizations in the planning process of the meeting. The Conference will be held in San Francisco from June 20 to 24, 1990. To get involved contact: UC San Francisco, Box 1505, San Francisco, CA 94143

9

BUDDHIST A S S O C I A T IO N

NEW MEXICO HOMESTEADERS The New Mexico Gay and Lesbian Homesteader’s Association is an organization for gays, lesbians and bisexuals who are interested in and enjoy the many aspects of rural life.

The role of the NM G/L HA is: * to publish a quarterly bul­ letin which includes letters: articles: a "trading post" listing goods and services for barter sale, or hire: addresses and phone numbers of helpful or interesting organizations and other resources: a directory of members; etc. w to provide a means of com­ munication for members through the bulletin, yearly gettogethers, and such. * to form a sense of community to benefit ourselves. xto further the goals and help enrich the lives of gay and lesbian homesteaders.

Interested7 contact: NM G/L HA P.0. Box 957, Las Vegas, NM 87701

3

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C J IL £ X u a R bu JVLoonhawk J a n u a r y begins wi t h the Q u a d r a n t i d meteor shower the morning of the 4th just before dawn.

There will be no moon to blot them out.

They wil l be c o m i n g out of the n o rtheast.

On the 9th, you will see the almo s t full m o o n very close to Jupiter.

The morning of th 23rd, just b e f o r e dawn, y o u ' l l get a c h a n c e to see the c r e s c e n t of the old m o o n in c o n j u n c t i o n with Mars.

Two days later on the 25th, you'll get to s e e t h e m o o n in c l o s e c o n j u n c t i o n w i t h Saturn.

The afternoon of the 26th, we will be t r e a t e d to a b e a u t i f u l s p e c t a c l e in the sky.

T h e r e will be an a n n u l a r e c l i p s e of the sun that will reach totality at 1:21 PM CST. This is like a total eclipse except that the moon is close to the earth and there is a halo of light around it i nstead of it t o t a l l y b l a c k i n g out the sun.

Also, the p a t h of t o t a l i t y is much narrower than that of a total eclipse.

At this writing, I have not been able to find anything on the p a t h of totality.

It should be s o m e ­ where in the central time zone, though, at that time of day.

C h e c k your local n e w s p a p e r s or with a local planetarium for information.

In 1984, I was p r i v i l e g e d to see one and it was really spectacular.

Well, here we are at the b e g i n n i n g of a new year.

I hope that all of you have enjoyed the lunar calen d a r and have found it use f u l for working in your gardens and with your plants.

I hope you have found the a s t r o n o m i c a l and astrological information useful for star gazing and u n d e r s t a n d i n g some of the e n e r g i e s that have been a noticeable influence in your lives this past year.

The year begins with Jupiter rising in the east just after sunset to give us a beautiful even­ ing star that will be visible all night as it climbs in the heavens.

Venus and Saturn will be evening stars just above the western horizon just after sunset.

This will be short lived, though.

Saturn will go behind the sun on the 6th of January and Venus will disappear behind the sun on the 18th.

T o w a r d the end of the month, they will both reappear as morning stars just before dawn along with Mars, Uranus, and Neptune, giving us five morning stars to enjoy if you're an early riser.

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On the 28th, Mars will be in close coniunction to Saturn.

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February begins with a conjunction of Mercury and Saturn just before dawn on the morning or the 3rd.

The next morning, the 4th, you will see Mercury conjuncting Venus.

On the evening of the 5th, the almost full moon will be con juncting Jupiter.

The morning of the 9th, Mars will be in very close conjunction with Uranus just before dawn.

With the cold, clear winter skies, it should be very v i s i b l e e s p e c i a l l y with a telescope or strong binoculars.

Ihere is a total eclipse of the moon that day which will be q u i t e b e a u t i f u l for you b r o t h e r s in Europe.

The m o r n i n g of the 17th just before dawn. Mars wil l be in a clo s e c o n j u n c t i o n to Neptune.

The morning of the 21st, those of you who are early risers will be treated to a beau-

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The e v e n i n g of the 4th, the m o o n will be in conjunction with Jupiter again.

The equinox will be at 3:20 CST the afternoon of the 20th.

T he c r e s c e n t of the old m o o n wi l l m ak e three predawn conjunctions three days in a row.

The 21st, it will c o n j u n c t Saturn; the 22nd, it will conjunct Mars; and the 23rd, it will co n ­ junct Venus.

I hope you will have cold, clear skies for star gazing and your home fires will burn bright to w a r m you in the u p c o m i n g cold days.

So long for now and may love be the wind beneath your wings.

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A C A LL TOR. D IA LO G U E De a r RFD, I wo u l d l i k e t o s t a t e my v i e ws on b o t h t h e a r t i c l e " Mo l e s t e d " ( # 5 8 ) a n d t h e responses in t h i s new i s s u e ( # 5 9 ) .

I have n e v e r been m o l e s t e d ( t h o u g h I h a v e l e n t my s h o u l d e r t o many who h a v e ) , n o r h a v e I m o l e s t e d anyone (or b e e n a c c u s e d o f d o i n g so). J have d i s c u s s e d c o mi n g o u t a n d "g a y n e s s " w i t h mo r e p e o p l e t h a n I c a n e v e n c o u n t anymore. I h a v e k nown a l l t ypes of c o u p l e s : o l d e r , y o u n g e r , ma n / b o y , b o y / b o y , you name i t , I ' v e known i t .

Wi t h ­ o u t e x c e p t i o n , l have f o u n d t h a t men who we r e m a l & l l & d a s c h i l d r e n a r e t h e o n e s who a r e mo s t l i k e l y t o p e r p e t u a t e t h e t h e o r y t h a t i t i s aiwayfi the man who m o l e s t s or c o e r c e s t h e boy; in f a c t , I f in d from d i s c u s s i o n s with a d o l es c en t f r i e n d s t h a t a g r e a t d e a l of t h e t i me ( e s p e c i a l l y when t h e y we r e qq! m o l e s t e d a t an e a r l y a g e ) t h e fcay is the one who se eks out the r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h an o l d e r man.

Personal­ l y , I f e e l t h a t i f t h e t wo p a r t i e s i nvolved wi t h a r e l a ­ t i o n s h i p are happy, c o m f o r t ­ a b l e and s a t i s f i e d , t hen i t is their business.

I f , h o we v e r , eith er partner i s b e i n g f o r c e d , c o e r c e d or b l a c k ma i l e d i n t o a r e l a t i o n s h i p , t h e n wtl2z £X£.C i s t h e a g g r e s s o r s h o u l d be c e n s u r e d .

Please under­ s t a n d , I am n o t a "p e d o p h i l e " or a " c h i c k e n h a w k " - - l p r e f e r men c l o s e r t o my own a g e ( 2 5 4 0 ) , but I fe e l t h a t t wo U f i Gfii.fi are e n t i t l e d t o t h e i r own l i f e c h o i c e s w i t h o u t t o o much "p,caching"--especially f r o m t h e i r o wn b r e t h r e n .

U n f o r t u n a t e l y , t h e l aws o f t h e U. S . a s t h e y s t a n d a r e v e r y b i a s e d and b i g o t e d a g a i n s t any g a y s , mo s t e s p e c i a l l y a n y t h i n g wh i c h s ma c k s o f p e d o p h i l i a and wo u l d " u n d e r mi n e t h e Ame r i c a n family s ys t em ."

W h i l e I do n o t a g r e e w i t h what o u t l e g a l s y s t e m says and t h e h a t r e d i t c o n d o n e s , we a r e stuck with it u n l e s s i t c a n be c h a n g e d .

At p r e s e n t , ma n / ma n a n d man/boy (minor) are b o t h * i l l e g a l a n d we ail ( a t l e a s t in m o st s t a t e s ) t a k e our f u t u r e s i n t o o u r own h a n d s wh e n we f o l l o w our natural inclinations.

D e g r a d i n g a nd b e r a t i n g a p e r ­ son f o r h i s / h e r s e x u a l i n c l i ­ n a t i o n s i s r i g h t up t h e r e w i t h bur ni ng peopl e at the s t a ke f o r t h e i r r e l i g i o u s convic­ tions (a p r a c t i c e o f wh i c h we a r e we l l r i d ! ) !

In e s s e n c e , I g u e s s t h a t I ' m s a y i n g t h a t we s h o u l d "a gr e e to d i s a g r e e ; " r a t h e r t ha n w a s t i n g our e n e r ­ g i e s p u t t i n g down f e l l o w f a e r i e s , l e t ' s use them ( our e n e r g i e s ) t o c h a n g e t h e way we a r e v i e w e d by s o c i e t y .

This s t a t e m e n t d o e s n o t i n any way p r e t e n d t o c o n d o n e c h i l d mo ­ l e s t i n g ( wh i c h siiGUld be p u n ­ i s h e d s e v e r e l y ) , so p l e a s e d o n ’ t l a b e l me i n LhaL s i c k category!

I am s i m p l y s a y i n g , "DON' T GENERALIZE; THAT' S HOW H A T R E D AND B I G O T R Y G E T S TARTED! " T h a n k you so mu c h for t h i s o p p o r t u n i t y to speak o u t . Wi t h l o v e t o a l l , Ken McCune Fel l ow F a i r i e s , I would l i k e t o r e g i s t e r my a g r e e m e n t w i t h J a c k Da v i s in #58 about NAMBLA. I wish I had t h e money t o buy t h e s p a c e t he y a r e u s i n g and j u s t b r i b e y o u t o n o t l e t t h e m use y o u r m a g a z i n e as a f or um.

Bu t I don't.

I , t o o , wa s m o l e s t e d by an o l d e r r e l a t i v e a s a c h i l d ( f r o m 5 y e a r s t i l about 10).

I cannot f u l l y d e s c r i b e t o you the h o r r i b l e a l i e n a t i o n t h a t r e s u l t e d from bei ng s e x ­ ual i zed at such a young a g e .

The a b s o l u t e k n o wl e d g e t h a t I was different--bad different h a s a f f e c t e d every mo me n t o f my l i f e s i n c e t h a t t i me .

The s t r u g g l e t o come o u t a n d a c ­ c e p t m y s e l f was ma d e mo r e d i f f i c u l t by the h o r r i b l e s e l f i mage f o r m u l a t e d when a s ma l l b oy.

I know o u r c u r r e n t s o c i ­ e t y i s h o p e l e s s l y f u c k e d up i n i t s u n d e r s t a n d i n g about sex and o t h e r i n t i ma t e a c t s ; t h a t s o c i e t y n e e d s to r e l a x , to l i g h t e n up i n i t s a t t i t u d e s ; b u t I do n o t f e e l t h a t a c h i l d has t he p e r s p e c t i v e to b l a z e this tr a il.

G r o w i n g up i s h a r d enough w i t h o u t t h i s added burden.

L e t ' s leave the ki ds alone.

I know t he a ge of c o n s en t is a r b i t r a r y - - t h a t c h i l d r e n a r e o f t e n t he i n s t i ­ g a t o r s , but a l i t t l e r e s t r a i n t wi l l save a l ot of g r i e f .

Ne a l Mc Ke n z i e 12

Dear RFD, I r e a d w i t h g r a t i f i c a t i o n and a m u s e m e n t y o u r r e a d e r s ' c o m­ m e n t s on NAMBLA i n i s s u e 5 9 .

Some o f t h e m n e e d t o be r e ­ mi n d e d t h a t i t i s n o t NAMBSA. The p e n u l t i m a t e l e t t e r i s f o r Lo v e , n o t S e x .

An i n d i c a t i o n o f t h e d e p t h s o u r c o u n t r y has s u n k t o i s t h a t I d i d n ' t have the g u t s to j o i n .

I did, however, s u b s c r i b e to t h e i r n e w s l e t t e r and a t t e n d a c oupl e of me e t i n g s .

Ab o u t A p r i l ' 8 9 , s h o r t l y a f t e r I ’d r e n e w e d my s u b s c r i p t i o n , I got a note from the p u b l i s h e r of the n e w s l e t t e r s a y i n g t h a t the LAPD, on a s e a r c h w a r r a n t , had confiscated the f i l e s of NAMBLA Lo s A n g e l e s , a n d a d ­ v i s i n g me t h a t t h e P o s t a l I n s p e c t o r s we r e e n g a g i n g i n an active p r o g r a m o f e n t r a p m e n t by r u n n i n g a d s o f f e r i n g and s o l i c i t i n g chi l d pornography.

The r e s t i s s i l e n c e .

My t i m ­ i d i t y i n not joining wa s n o r m o r e t h a n a w a r e n e s s o f my surroundings.

I n t h e 20 y e a r s s i n c e my d i v o r c e , my own c a u ­ t i o u s and c o n v e n i e n t i n c l i n a ­ t i o n s have been to s t e e r c l e a r of anyone under 21.

Not t h a t 16 - and 1 7 - y e a r - o I d s h a v e n ' t be e n a p p e a l i n g .

But t h e C a l i ­ f o r n i a a g e o f consent is I b e l i e v e 1 6 , a n d i t ’s c e r t a i n l y ma d n e s s t o go b e l o w t h a t .

The k e y t o NAMBLA' s e x i s t e n c e i s i t s own o p p o s i t i o n , a l o n g w i t h mo s t c i v i l i z e d c o u n t r i e s , l i k e D e n ma r k a n d H o l l a n d , t o a g e o f - c o n s e n t l a ws , and to any use of f o r c e or c o e r c i o n .

D e s p i t e t h e t h o u s a n d s o f Boy S c o u t s , n o t t o s a y Cub S c o u t s , who h a v e b e e n f e l l a t e d o r m a s t u r b a t e d by s y m p a t h e t i c , caring, and l o v i n g scout­ masters, the enormous number of t he l a t t e r and o t h e r yout h g u i d e s who h a v e b e e n p r o s e ­ c u t e d , v i l i f i e d , and o f t e n i m p r i s o n e d s h o u l d g i v e us a c l e a r s i g n a l t o wh a t e x t e n t we a r e s t i l l i n t h e Mi d d l e Age s .

In c o r r e s p o n d e n c e and c o n v e r ­ s a t i o n s wi t h o f f i c e r s of the Lo s A n g e l e s c h a p t e r , 1 f o u n d l a r g e l y a g r e e m e n t w i t h my chief reservations about NAMBLA: I t hought t h a t whi l e i t h o p e d f o r a b o l i t i o n of re stric tiv e laws, NAMBLA s h o u l d a v o i d even t he a p p e a r ­ a n c e o f v i o l a t i o n o f s u c h l aws t h a t might be in e f f e c t wh e r e i t wa s o p e r a t i n g .

I thought a l s o t h a t b e l o w t h e a g e o f 12,

perhaps hi gher, pe n e t r a n t s e x, wi t h the younger p a r t n e r a s t h e r e c e p t o r , s h o u l d be condemned as unthinkable.

What h a r m t h e r e c o u l d be i n a l o v i n g ma n f e l l a t i n g o r m a s ­ t u r b a t i n g a t r u s t i n g boy or y o u t h i s t o me e q u a l l y u n ­ thinkable.

Al l b e t s a r e o f f , o f c o u r s e , i f t h e ma n i s a member o f a n y o f t h e p o l i t i c a l or r e l i g i o u s m i n o r i t i e s t h a t i n f e s t t h i s c o u n t r y , i n wh i c h e v e n t h e s h o u l d be c o n v i c t e d not of t u r p i t u d e but of s t u ­ p i d i t y , i g n o r a n c e , or f a i l u r e t o r e ma i n c o m p e t e n t . and

own lives and the lives of those with whom we interact. Perhaps even transformative.

That said, for whatever it may be worth here is my contribution to sorting apart some of the many tangled distinctions of "Man-Boy Love," together with a sharing of what I have personally found to be true for myself through a direct involvement in the issue both while an adolescent and during all of my adult life.

I have been an emotional and sexual partner in relationships with boys both in the United States and overseas in so-called "Third World" countries, and speak from my own actual experience. I am now 30 years old, and very much a Libra.

First of all, lets be real. No one is opposed to "love" existing between men and boys.

Nobody objects to men and boys loving each other deeply and finding joy in each others company. The characteristics of an authentic and healthy love relationship (e.g., a profound, abiding, and joyous respect for the integrity of the other as an individual in his own right; a deep concern for the genuine well-being of the other; a nurturing and constructive care-giving of the self to the other; the joy found in experiencing the other unfold and grow as a human being; the experience of being loved by the other, including being physically held, hugged, and lovingly embraced by the other) -there are no objections to loving relationships between men and boys, as loving relationships are usually conceived of in modern society. What is being violently "objected to" (in the strongest possible terms) is explicitly sexual interaction between adults and children, and only that. Sex acts, specifically, are the critical element in "Man-Boy Love" relationships bringing the entire subject under condemnatory fire from both Fundementalist moralists and progressive liberal Humanists alike, all across the political and ideological spectrum, however warranted or unwarranted such opprobrium may actually be.

A r t h u r Do wl i n g Long Be a c h , CA

Dear Fellow RFD Readers/Writers In my assessment it is critical that we understand clearly what exactly it is that we mean and then carefully choose the specific words which best convey those precise meanings when we enter into a dialogue concerning such a deeply significant and highly explosive issue as "Man-Boy Love."

Reading over the series of contributions published in RFD #56 through #59 it seems that much of the conflict existing between apparently mutually exclusive points of view, as represented by the various writers, is rooted in a simple yet fundamental slurring of important distinctions. When qualitatively different aspects of a complicated issue are confused together into an undifferentiated lump (as has occurred to some extent during this dialogue), then little progress may be anticipated. As I see it, confusion exists regarding what the core issue actually is, and imprecise language is compounding the problem. Charged emotions in combination with collapsed distinctions make for deadlock in a dialogue regarding a complex issue like "Man-Boy Love."I

Without attempting to get into a detailed discussion of "love" (which would warrant a RFD dialogue just by itself- and I would enjoy seeing that!) it will probably suffice to ask that we all recall to mind an awareness of the many qualitatively different distinctions which are collapsed together and commonly classed in a lump under the catch-all term "love." As we "love" a good time, a partner, nature, Goddess, God, life, certain clothing or foods, a job, our grandparents, ourselves, a wise saying, democracy, in romance, in sex (...and so on) the qualities which define that "love" vary hugely. The depth of feeling, commitment, intimacy, spirituality, and so on all varies enormously. Whether we as individuals agree with it or not, the fact is that the society within which we exist does not see eros (the specifically erotic, sensual, explicitly sexual aspect of "love") as being appropriate behavior between adults and minors (recognizing that the definition of what constitutes being a "minor" varies from place to place). Ironically, many of the distorted and ultimately self-contradictory practices of modern society serve to promote explicitly sexual interactions between adults and children, even when these interactions are obviously exploitive and destructive. While

I feel that it is important to recognize that "Man-Boy Love" is a highly complex subject. As such, exploring it will require us to stretch emotionally and work intellectually; no simplistic one page Reagan-style summary sheet will substitute for the baldly honest soulsearching and thoroughly rigorous examination of tangible fact which we must undertake to insure that this dialogue is genuinely productive, yielding meaningful and actionable insights. There is a significant difference between "arguing positions" and "entering into dialogue." Are we closed to possibilities and insights other than our own, or open to them?

As concerned and progressive beings who are directly involved (like it or not) with this flammable subject, at this point in our own personal development and the development of our larger community, are we secure enough, strong enough, and mature enough to genuinely take on this dialogue with the integrity it demands? I trust that we can face this issue productively. My request is that we do so responsibly. Let us take ourselves seriously in the sense that we recognize that the statements which we articulate here in this public space may well be deeply significant in terms of the implications they hold for our

13

DIALOGUE

CONTINUED

the weak but official formal rule is that sex with kids is undesirable, the strong message actually underlieing this is that while it is forbidden, sex with kids is highly desirable, especially between adult men and adolescent girls. A broad context exists in which adults having sex with kids is enabled, and commonly occurs. As I see it, society at large is confused as to its values, desires, and agenda -and therefore unaligned and often cruelly arbitrary in its actions and reactions, especially with regard to the charged issues of child sexuality and what is appropriate or inappropriate visa vis adults having explicit sex with kids. For the sake of the dialogue, for the moment please consider the possibility that sex and love may not necessarily be inseparable at all, but instead are perhaps qualitatively separate phenomena (or separate aspects of the same phenomenon, if you prefer) which may coincide. This is important, because the battle is about the specifically and explicitly sexual component, not about love in the broad generic sense.

Sexuality in general and sexual excitement in particular are phenomena in which arousal is a critical precursor to any further, more heightened, behavior becoming manifest and actually happening. If an adult is not sexually aroused by a minor, then nothing explicitly sexual is going to occur between that adult and the minor; if an adult is sexually excited (aroused) by a minor, however, then a clear potential exists that explicitly sexual behavior will indeed follow.

By the very nature of what it is to be an adult versus what it is to be a child, however, if it is a child who is sexually excited but the adult is unexcited, then the behavior of the interaction will simply not proceed on to become consummated as explicitly sexual. Adults are powerful enough to determine the course of such an interaction, but children are not. Of course, every interaction of which we are part (whether consciously, unconsciously, reflexively, or instinctively) is obviously going to be a sexual interaction to some extent or another.

We are, after all (as the philosopher Heidegger has commented) "beings in this world of shared practices (dasein) by way of our bodies, beings anchored in the world by our bodies." As physical entities here by way of our bodies, sexuality permeates every aopect of our lives, including our field of consciousness, even when we are unaware of it as an active element in the ground of our being. This comes as no surprise to most readers of RF D , I am sure, and yet with respect to "Man-Boy Love" the significance of this seems to often be passed over. There is a critical difference between the usual, ever­ present, sexual aspect of human interaction (which is inevitably always there in interacting with a child, as well as with anyone or anything else) and the explicitly sexual in interacting with a child. As mentioned, the first and perhaps most significant element composing that critical difference distinguishing the sexual and what I am calling the explicitly sexual is the presence of arousal. For instance, nudity around the house with children present is indeed sexual communication, but not

explicitly sexual communication, in and of itself, unless there is a turn-on (arousal) involved with the nudity. If arousal is present, then the interaction iÂŁ> explicitly sexual, no longer having much of anything to do with nudity itself and everything to do with eros, sensuality, and explicitly sexual psychic processes and behavior. The point which is frequently missed is that while we are all sexual beings and all of our interactions are always sexual (a fact which cannot be escaped, however much moralists may strive to avoid and deny this fact), the distinction which really characterizes this conflict is that of adults being aroused by minors and engaging in explicitly sexual behavior with them.

Child sexuality is a phenomenon which is especially disturbing to our society, rooted as it is in Calvinistic Puritan/Victorian origins. Childrens' obvious interest in their sexual nature and right to own their sexuality is a subject which goes largely unaddressed out of our collective cultural discomfort.

Both children before pubescence and adolescent youths are obviously sexual beings but, unfortunately, out of the deeply seated antisexual (and not unconnectedly antinaturalistic) outlook prevalent in the intellectual tradition of our technologicallyminded Cartesian duelist Western culture, children rapidly learn to associate sexuality with shame (as noted by Bradshaw) and to psychologically distance themselves from both their "animal" bodies and indeed even from a deep experience of nature itself (as noted by Naess and Zimmerman). Society is in the hypocritical position of knowing that children and youths are highly sexual, yet denying this truth or avoiding it. Children's sexuality at this point becomes covert, acted out in secrecy, in hidden places, and sex becomes an activity which is itself inherently wrong and shame-based. Children grow into adults, carrying along the attitudes to which they have been enculturated. The adults engaging in genital sex acts with minors, being grounded in those common beliefs, are usually feeling the same way about it all (no matter what they may be saying to each other and themselves) and thereby contribute toward perpetuating the entire shame-based covert system. NAMBLA may represent a break from that covert tradition, although I am too unfamiliar with what, exactly, NAMBLA is to be able to speculate further along that vein. With the increasing humanistic liberation of adult sexuality comes the prospect that children, too, will be allowed to own their sexuality and be free to explore and develop it joyfully with one another.

Children with a healthy (not shame-based) sexuality, children who are well provided for and getting their basic needs (for shelter, food, emotional attention, education, and so on) met would be free to explore and develop their sexuality with one another. They would not be living in a fearful context of abandonment, rejection, and scarcity, oriented toward survival as the goal of their being, but rather toward exploration and growth with celebration becoming the goal of being. In actual practice, in our world of perceived scarcity where sexuality is itself generally felt to be shameful and needfully covert, children are particularly vulnerable to

economic hardship and emotional insecurity and the perfect (and arguably somewhat selfperpetuating) set-up exists for adults who feel sexual arousal for minors to have access to sex acts with minors. But while everyone agrees that some explicitly sexual interactions between adults and minors are clearly exploitive and abusive, are all explicitly sexual inter-actions necessarily abusive in some meaningful way just because they are between an adult and a minor? Is there something inherently damaging about the interaction, or is that just a judgement imposed upon society by the Moral Majority and others?

Is this yet another example of an ethnocentric culturally pervasive lie, with no substance in tangible fact and observed results (e.g., homosexuality is a sickness, National Socialism is the light and the way, etc.) influencing us to the detriment of our own well-being?

When is sexual "abuse" (as defined by law) actually abusive, and clearly so? Some instances are easy to call: an adult spanks a minor unnecessarily long and hard and sexually gets off on the spanking; an adult beats and rapes a traumatized minor; an adult compels, coerces, or bribes a hesitant or actively unwilling minor to engage in sexual activity.

In the shared practices and beliefs of our culture, essentially everyone will agree that these behaviors constitute abuse. Where there is a self-serving (often somewhat cruel or outright sadistic) interest by the adult in sexually exploiting a minor, this is abuse, plain and simple. It is abusive in that it not only causes the minor traumatic pain and distress then and there in the moment, but also has been abundantly documented to generate severely destructive and selflimiting attitudes and behaviors later in adult life. These life-damaging effects are seen in the dysfunctioned capacity of the abused individual to develop the ability to trust, relate intimately, feel secure in his or her own body and sense of reality, and to function fully as an adult in his or her own right without the experience being mediated by a pathological relationship to an addictive substance or behavior pattern (as related in detail by Gil, Bradshaw, Beattie, and Scarf).

So, clearly, there exists a class of abuse which is easily defined as violent, coercive, overtly destructive sexual exploitation.

But clearly exploitive and destructive abuse is not at all the issue with problematic questions of "Man-Boy Love," and we should be careful not allowing that important distinction to become slurred. I have known the partners in quite a number of sexually explicit "Man-Boy" relationships both here in the USA and overseas, and yet have never met even one man who intentionally abused his young partner in any way. Certainly never anyone who beat or deliberately psychologically traumatized a minor.' Society at large and the gay subculture both generally know clear-cut child abuse when it rears its ugly head, and there is very little tolerance for such kinds of abusive behavior. As I see it, with respect to the volatile gray area of morality and ethics in which "Man-Boy Love" falls, there are three central questions.

First, how is it abusive or _n any meaningful way "wrong" for an adult man to love, nurture,

and have an explicitly sexual relationship with a male minor?

Secondly, when is a male minor a child, versus a psycho-sexually functional adolescent male?

And finally, in terms of both the individual well-being of the youth and with respect to the overall social context in which we all exist, when is a physiologically adolescent male competent to be a responsible consenting partner in an explicitly sexual relationship with an adult and such a relationship acceptable?

The second question is easier to tackle than the other two, since it revolves around relatively simple issues of what constitutes being a minor and an adult. By law, a minor is defined in various states and nations to be a male under a certain age, which in my experience varies from 15 years old to 21 years old. A boy in the USA is often a man overseas, as judged by age, in terms of the law. But is this substantively meaningful?

Probably not, except with regard to questions of legality. It is potentially much more meaningful to ask when is a boy biologically and psychologically still a child, when is he an adolescent youth, and when has he become an adult? And out of exploring those questions may come some insight into whether sex between men and boys is inherently abusive (that is, damaging or "wrong") in some genuinely meaningful way.

Children are primarily magical beings, not predominatly rational creatures like adults; their way of interpreting reality and imbuing meaning is magical, not predicated on reason, logic, a worldview woven of shared practices, defining relationships, and concernful activity. The first years of life are profoundly significant in laying the foundations for self-interpretation and outlook, including self-identification as a sexual being. A child is tremendously vulnerable in all ways up through the time when the body itself changes, in pubescence (as described in detail by Piaget, Colburg, and others). At this point everything is coming together and coalescing into a concrete sense of self and worldview. The boy is still a dependent child, but beginning to separate and establish a clearer sense of the self.

From pubescence through adolescence the boy is becoming a man, biologically and psychologically, but he is not yet genuinely an adult. Adolescence is a time of transition, and is probably the most difficult and dramatic transition which a human being ever makes aside from those of birth and death. The adolescent boy is functionally like an evolving work of art which is still in formation, almost attaining his own power as an individual but, frustratingly, not quite yet there.

Explicitly sexual interactions between an adult and a pre-pubescent child, interactions where arousal is present in the adult, are psychically and physically so tremendously impactful that they overpower and overwhelm any developing sense of self in the child.

Children at this stage are learning to trust and developing a sense of boundaries, boundaries with which to differentiate between the self and others, between the self and the

though each of my adolescent lovers were already developed enough during the years of our interaction that there have been few recognizably negative impacts on their lives so far (they are both over 18 years old now ) , but I do worry that someday, in the future, something rooted in our interaction may engender grief for them. I love them very much and it would hurt terribly to realize that I had unwittingly been involved in sabotaging them, if that comes to pass. I do not think that I am just experiencing internalized homophobia and projecting it in being worried in this way about those who I love- the evidence I've seen legitimates this concern.

d i a l o g u e c o n x i n u e d

world at large. When the developing boundaries of the pre-pubescent child are overwhelmed, obliterated, and invaded by a sexually aroused adult, this experience is inherently traumatic for the child. All cultures, worldwide, both modern and in antiquity, proscribe explicitly sexual interactions between adults and prepubescent children quite directly because they have tragically proved to be so severely destructive in later life, based on the results of shattered lives.

By contrast to the pre-pubescent child, the adolescent boy has learned to trust and has, for the most part, learned to differentiate between the self and the other. The adolescent boy has developed some boundaries by which he knows who he is, yet he is still struggling hard to separate himself, establish fully his own unique identity, and stand as an individual. When an adult male has an explicitly sexual interaction with an adolescent boy, it appears that while the sex may be (and usually is, in instances of "ManBoy Love") mutually desired and immediately rewarding in many ways, in other significant ways the interaction will probably hinder the youths' process of separation and establishment of self-identity. The younger the adolescent (either biologically, psychologically, or socially), the more problematic the effect. The sexual liaison with a boy may also hinder the adult partner in fully developing his own ability to find arousal and establish satisfying intimate relationships with other adults. This has been my personal experience, both as a boy and as a man.

Certainly my disposition towards arousal by youths and experience of being an adult sexual partner with a minor has set me back in many different ways, despite the reward of sexual gratification with young guys. In and of itself, sexual gratification is brief-lived indeed, and never seems to be available often enough no matter how frequently it is there or how many long days and nights we may spend being intimate with one another if it is just sexual gratification, by itself, unaccompanied by certain other critical aspects of a deeply meaningful relationship. In my experience it is difficult to ever get enough of sexual intimacy, by itself, and of course the problems inherent with that are many. One is always tempted to cross the line, however unwittingly, from loving a youth into exploiting him, not letting him be himself, as he wishes and when he wishes, just as he is naturally. Because I have been in long-term sexually explicit relationships with underage males, I have been vulnerable to criticism and arrest, changing careers and communities despite job success and being liked socially, just to avoid the complications which I anticipate will inevitably arise if I stay more than two or three years in one place. The responsibility to think about the potential social damage to the youth if it all came out, as well as fear of recrimination to myself, have forced me to stay out of the limelight to the extent that even running for the local school board or participating in other minor yet significant forms of community activity have been too risky to undertake. Clearly, there was something very rewarding about being in such relationships to warrant all of the sacrifices which were required. The payoffs were indeed there: it was wonderful to nurture the boys and see them unfold and develop as beautiful, magnificent, human beings.

Moreover, the emotional closeness and sex was extremely important to me, probably in large part because at the time I did not yet trust other adults enough to be able to enter into an intimate relationship with a peer.

Sometimes the sexual pressure built inside until I felt driven, particularly when there were tensions in other areas of my life, and at those points especially I sought sexual release with the youths, rather than accomadating their needs of the moment.

There may well be available to us a more direct, deeper, and powerful way of relating with each other than through the medium of our bodies, through sexual expression, but if so then my guess is that it is not generally apparent or accessible to the average person, and it is certainly not yet evident to me. Sex is not "just" sex, as such, in the sense of "just fun;" it is a very powerful and complex interaction of bodies and minds, of symbols and substance, of all that we are and of all that which becomes meaningful through us, and has huge implications extending throughout all domains of the lives of both partners.

Sexual arousal and sexual acts are so complex, in fact, that it is erroneously simplistic to try to assign a causal relationship for "a man being aroused by youths" to a single antecedent such as "the man must have been molested himself, as a boy." There is a lot more to it than that. I have engaged in sexually explicit acts with boys and youths without ever having had such an interaction with a man while I was myself a prepubescent boy, although I did find a 24 year old male partner and fall in love with him when I was 16. He was nearly thrown in a federal prison by my parents when they discovered our relationship, and only my (entirely serious) threat to commit,suicide if they did not leave him alone prevented his public humiliation and a long incarceration. As an adult male I have had sexually explicit relationships of several years duration with two adolescents, one while in the USA and one while overseas. It seems as

Ironically enough, the genuinely fulfilling aspects of the relationships (and they were genuinely beautiful and constructive in many ways) had essentially nothing to do with sexual gratification, per se . I realize now, in retrospect, that the relationships would have been just as rewarding and nowhere near as ultimately painful for either me or them if 16

I had done everything exactly the same way except for being sexually explicit in my interactions with my young friends. It would have been just as good, probably even better, without the sex. And the relationships would be ongoing to this day, instead of being gone forever. Where the relationships with my young friends fell short, there was no other adult there to fill the empty space. Kids are kidsthey are wonderful for who they are and where they are on their own individual paths, but they are usually not great conversation, are frequently bored with what interests me as an adult, and there are a lot of places that an adult just cannot go with a kid as a partner.

And it is very expensive to support boys, giving them quality care and attention, being a solitary man with no partner of your own to look after you at times. In time the sex itself became not only a constant social and career endangerment but also sometimes heartbreakingly problematic because the young guys were no longer very interested in it. I am young and vital, but even so my adolescent boyfriends became interested in girls, wanted to roam and explore, and so on, as happens.

Since AIDS has now arisen in our midst, the question of adults having sex with youths becomes doubly ethically questionable.

There comes a day when they are all grown up, beautiful young men, and they leave, as they must. Because love is genuinely there I do not try to hold on, but nonetheless feel desolate and alone after they go. And because there was so much between us which was so intimate, so precious, but which is now over and done, finished, there is very little contact afterward.

I came from a severely dysfunctional and alcoholic family, yet was never molested as far as I can recall. I am, therefore, not attracted to youths because I was molested as a boy, nor have any of my younger friends ever gone and molested any young kids since we were involved with each other, as far as I am aware. I do not know why I am primarily sexually aroused by adolescent youths, but after years of studying this issue carefully and proceeding by trial and error in my own life, I am sure that for me personally it is unproductive to continue to engage in explicitly sexual relationships with minors if I want to have my life turn out at all as I hope. This attraction to youths has hampered me in establishing a rewarding career, in establishing a home and becoming a genuinely contributing member of a community, and (most importantly) in finding a committed adult partner of my own and being in an ongoingly loving and intimate, sexually arousing and rewarding, relationship. I I feel that the evidence is very strong that in the majority of instances (especially within the cultural climate of the USA) being explicitly sexual with adolescent youths may well hamper their development. I still intend to nurture youths as I am able, but I have learned that for me it just does not serve my higher good to have sex with youths. Quite likely it does not really serve my young friends higher good either, and so it is that I do not intend to engage in explicitly sexual interactions with youths in tâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; USA again, and even doubt that I will have sex with youths over seas.

In all good conscience there is one caveat with which I must qualify the foregoing, and that caveat relates to situational ethics.

This is not to invalidate everything which I have just said, which is true for me, but to be bluntly realistic about what conditions are really like in the hand-to-mouth world which the vast majority of the human race actually lives in. As highly privilaged residents of the USA and educated readers of RFD, we are so far away from the daily reality in which most boys on this planet exist that this clarification may sound startlingly dramatic and even superficially like an unqualified blessing on "Man-Boy Love" relationships.

Nonetheless, it is a tangible fact and distinction which needs to be made. Literally millions of homeless and destitute boys live in the streets of cities all throughout the developing nations. Almost one million boys live out on the streets in the cities of Brasilia and Jakarta alone, and there are thousands of other such places. For over five years I lived among these boys as an international development worker, and so have a firsthand experience of the grinding poverty and hardship in which they are essentially trapped. If they have not already been abandoned outright by their parents, then their parents cannot feed them and so send them out on the streets daily to fend for themselves. These young human beings are desperately looking for opportunity, for attention and love, for education and medical care, optimally. But when the hunger in their lean bodies grows painful they gladly settle for just a meager meal to get by on until tomorrow, if they can find it. If they can find a man who will trade them money in return for some sex (which also means someone to hold them for a moment, as relatively impersonal and even, at times, somewhat briefly painful as that human contact may b e ) , then it is a relative good in the context in which they are compelled to exist. In and of itself I cannot condemn this activity for either the boys or the men. The context which generates this abysmal poverty is deplorable, and I do condemn that inequitable context of scarcity and every action or inaction which creates it, but in my view these boys and men are not very much to blame for either the conditions into which they are born or for the general bent of the ways which they find to cope and scrape by in such a situation. The problems which confront these youths (and the men which they grow up to become, if they make it to adulthood, which many do not) are so basic and chronic that it becomes of relatively little consequence whether they are having sex with men or not- they are desperately hungry and need to eat, they are cold and need clothing and a safe place to sleep, someone to care for them and provide medicine to them when they fall ill. A nurturing relationship with an older man may be the only way that such a youth can even hope to get his basic needs met, get an education, and climb out of the grinding poverty of the streets. And yes, it is a bitch that a kid has to pay the bill with sex, and yes, the man is not doing himself any favors to get mixed up with kids sexually if he ever intends to have a satisfying adult relationship, but neither is this a fair world. The mainstream JudeoChristian/Cartesian "ethics" and techno­ capitalist institutions which hypocritically decry such relationships are the same ethics

and institutions which create the inequity generating this poverty. These relationships are a response to poverty, most basically. In the context of relative abundance, affluence, and opportunity which exists in the United States I cannot realistically see the probability as being at all high for genuinely constructive sexually explicit relationships existing between men and adolescent males; opportunity is so pervasively accessible here (even in our inner cities, relative to overseas), that such a rational for veiwing Man-Boy relationships as being ethically acceptable and (on the balance) constructive does not seem applicable here. This might be used as a rational for sexually explicit relationships with ghetto youth or runaways, but in practice I have seen other dynamics dominating most such relationships.

Actually, in point of fact, most of the long term man/boy relationships I personally know of inside the USA have significant cocaine, alcohol, and grass/tobacco usage in place as an important (if not central) fixture of the relationship. I do not assess this as being healthy. My young friends came to me freely and left freely, healthy and with no substance addictions, but I do not know if that is more the rule or the exception in the USA, from what I have observed. Overseas, economic need commonly serves an equally central function in most of the relationships I have seen.

make a difference for the better, nurture a youth or several youths, and quietly get your sexual pay-off from them in a situation where doing so is a relative good rather than a relative ill. I have been there.

Between men and pre-pubescent males in any nation, anywhere, anytime, it is simply sadistic and cruel for an adult to overpower, rupture, and violate a small child. Any sexually explicit interaction absolutely will be experienced by the child as traumatic, and a man is just deluding himself if he thinks otherwise- look at the disasterous results which it creates. Third World cultures recognize this, and while (in my experience) they will look the other way and tolerate a man caring for an adolescent boy and getting sex from the interaction, if one was to molest a prepubescent boy or force an unwilling adolescent into sex, then fairly swiftly the offender would be floating face-down in the river. There are no secrets, really, about these matters- virtually everyone around them knows when an adult and a minor are engaging in explicitly sexual behavior with one another. It is just whether they choose to focus consciousness on the fact and make an issue of it, or let it go by unremarked as long as it remains conveniently out of sight and so out of mind, covert. This may be just as true here in the USA as in the villages of developing regions.

By contrast with the alternatives, in the context of grinding poverty and desperation which exists for boys in developing countries safe sexual liaisons with adult men must be seen as marginally acceptable. I know a couple of kindly old men in "Third World" countries who have lovingly cared for street boys, and whose boys do genuinely come to love them and care for them too in a way, to the extent that a boy is able to do so. While the whole situation has a distinct bitter-sweet sense to it, there is frequently some measure of poetic beauty and genuine nobility of purpose in such relationships, constrained and diminished as they may be in terms of human potential. Even when allowing for substantial enthnocentric bias in the judgement, there is broad consensus that the overall quality of life is much lower in such a "Third World" nation setting, in many different ways. As powerful and educated "First Worlders" we have much more influence than most of us realize, and can make quite a difference with the general context of our relationship visa vis the "Third World" (i.e., become informed, vote, and contribute to progressive efforts with membership donations and shopping dollars), and to the specific content of a specific boy's life there. If you are a man who is clear about his attraction to adolescent youths, who does not desire to reorient toward what I see as being a more fulfilling relationship with another adult, then it may be an option worth considering to take your skills and education to a "Third World" country and be a contribution to development.

Life can be very difficult in such places, even heart-rending at times, but there are also perspectives and wonderful experiences unavailable via any other path -and after all, why stay here in thg USA where the attraction to youths is such a social liability and, more importantly, quite likely a relative ill for the younger partner rather than a relative good?

Frankly, this exists as an option to

In summary, I ask that we please remember to mean what we say and say what we mean in this important dialogue by choosing and weighing our words carefully. There are several critical distinctions which I perceive as being commonly slurred together with regard to the subject: love/sex, sex with minors/sadistic child abuse, appropriate sex with a male minor/inappropriate sex with a male minor, and the legal sense of "minor" contrasted with the biologically, psychologically, and socially meaningful stages of development from child to boy to man. My experience is that the primary ill is rooted in how our society at large interprets sexuality and instills a sense of shame regarding sexuality in children. Children should have uninhibited and joyous sexual freedom with one another, optimally. It is ultimately unconstructive, at best, for adults to engage in sex (however loving and wellintended) with adolescents, and is outright destructive for adults to engage in sex with pre-pubescent children. I applaud RFD for entering into a well-reasoned and open dialogue on this important topic, and although I will personally never join NAMBLA or contribute to that organization I congratulate members of NAMBLA for coming out of selfloathing and hiding to promote a serious inquiry into the dynamics of "Man-Boy Love" (even though I believe that they are confused and significantly mistaken in the position which they have adopted), and finally I support RFD in continuing to carry the NAMBLA ad as an active goad to inquiry and as a living proof of democracy and free speech upheld and applied in a vital society composed of intelligent and caring peers.

Sincerely yours in Brotherhood,

Night Sky I8

â&#x2013;ź

Live from Cleveland

by Stefan Ripich This is the story of the next generation of gay cities; cities like C leveland w hose gay and lesbian com m unities will re-organize for political strength and community health.

On a recent trip to San Francisco I walked through the Castro. Gone was the homogeneous crowd. Gone was the swarm of mustachioed men in bomber jackets.

Gone was the commune of assymetrically cut lesbian heads. Harvey Milk's dream is coming true - in place of some of the gay men are straight men walking baby carriages. In place of some of the lesbians are the straight women who have moved to the Castro and lunch at Hot & Hunky with their friends. Gay people and straight have moved into a shared space - each to their own, each respected. A community.

Cleveland has not yet evolved to that extent. We are a large population of lesbian and gay people but it is sometimes hard for us to gather and show our strength. It is hard for us to show our unity.

But we are a population in evolution.

We have been watching, waiting, and noticing what has gone on in the world around us. We care for our sick, and we have created several powerful AIDS service agencies. We have created a space for PLWA's to come together for social contact with others. We are forming a group to share information about AIDS. We are one of nine national sites funded by the Ford Foundation for long term community AIDS initiatives.

We built a hospice program, and we have a strong Free Clinic that is gay-sensitive. We are of every religion and we celebrate our beliefs.

We face many problems that are like those in other, more evolved communities. We have legislators who seek to prevent us from becoming foster parents, and we go to their homes to show our rage. We have many members who must face a recovery program in a city that does not support a positve self-esteem for gay people.

Som etim es it is hard for us to find cooperation between the m en's and wom en's com m unities.

We also face our own unique problems because we must face bigoted legislators with out a broad-based supportive community.

We, however, are presented with unique opportunities because of our evolution. We know what is known in more evolved communities. We know what lies ahead for us about AIDS, and we have the time to plan for it.

We have not yet exhausted our energies - financial or s p iritu a l.

We have the childlike energy of a community that is growing - we are finding our own ways of being gay or lesbian individuals and of being a supportive community. We have seen the lessons of the gay culture that has come before us. When we fight our battles, we are more visible here. We are not forced to be clones by our community. We can afford our housing in Cleveland, and we can live well with less money. We are interested in our spirituality and can find energy to support us in our exploration.

We believe that we will to watch. There is only one San Francisco. Gay those cities to learn, Cleveland. Our answers our own homes.

find new answers for others one New York, there is only and lesbian people will watch but will live in cities like about living will come from

Sometimes when I watch a new building being born and all the beautiful trees being torn, I feel a tear in my heart. I look out over the concrete and glass and I wonder if nature will last. But I know that what man can destroy nature can reclaim. When I see a crack in a side walk I know that someday a blade of grass or maybe a weed will grow there from a tiny seed. And the plants will grow and widen that crack until there is room for the trees to come back. Tiny seeds are everywhere. And the trees will come back and nature will reclaim what man has maimed.

Journey onward Journey home feeling feeling stronger feelings I want to cut loose from the laws that Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been taught they mean nothing to me I trust my insides with my feelings I'm free Sometimes I feel bound by a land ruled by man cultural restrictions my spirit wants to feel love show love, give love, sometimes physical love but the laws of man say no Sometimes I feel caught between worlds and I must accept the only way for me to win is to lose again and it hurts because I don't want to deny myself anything anymore I did for soo long I denied myself soo much for soo long â&#x2013; Enchanted By the light inside By the swirling Sky By the dancing leaves in the morning sun By the changing of life thru a few simple ideas, which time often forgets.

How easy it is to remember how to be at peace with my world. Only after struggle and searching for something that was always inside, but had been lost in the whirlwind of life.

Keeping the Enchanted feeling is an on going desire.

The enchanted attitude The feeling of life enternal, rewarding, enriching, growing, comes from being Enchanted.

Enchantment is something as old as life, but it is here today.

Enchanted the world is light and I can flow with it.

20

by Jim Kilonsky

my apartment following the Menergy conference with Waldon, STV, Rob, Mel and Gabby as our house guest, along with four more men from the C’land area. As Gabby was unpacking some items from the van he struck up a conversation with a bearded man inquiring about the Tennessee license plate.

Somewhere out of the blue RFD was mentioned. The man said, "I subscribe to it", and Gabby said, "We publish it", and so we added another to the C’land contigent. Imagine my surprise finding out there was a faerie living out my back door. My thinking that fearies only lived in the woods and hills miles from urbana was being shattered. Coincidence - perhaps, I would prefer to think Divine Providence.

A JOURNEY OF GREATER SELF-AWARENESS

by Robbi Rhyndress

BJ

............

"I am only one, but still I am one, I cannot do everything, but still I can do something.

And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do."

Edward E verett Hale

This article may not have anything to do with Re­ addressing Faerie Doctrine and then again it may have everything to do with it. When Gabby asked the Cleveland contigent ( all three of us) who attended the Beltane Bash, to write a feature article for RED I felt excited and welcomed to the Faerie community. I have lots of experience in lay-out and paste-up, so I thought no problem. First mistake - thinking. Little did I know or forsee the heart-ache and head-ache I was getting into.

Puck suggested "Recovery From Dysfunctions" which sounded good considering that all three of us are recovering from something. Of course we're all recovering, in some degree or another even if it's JUST from societal bullshit. So we tossed the idea around, realized we needed to make contact with more faeries, and took little action.

That was in April, sometime in May Cleveland had a candle-light vigil and mass for P.L.W.A. ’s. So the three of us headed downtown with skirts in tote, well a lavendar ball gown for Puck, to come out to Cleveland as ourselves - FAERIES. Cleveland was not ready for us. Gay or straight. Then again, Cleveland is never ready. So as the crowd prepared for the march we donned our skirts and apparel. Heads turned, these were not your ordinary drag-queens. No! These were men dressed in skirts, mop-tops, dyshiekies, hiking boots, beards, 'staches, magik wands and tatoos. The attention we got was mixed with good coming of it.

Our dress attire brought out two more faerie brothers.

This is how we met Stefanand Jim, lovers and avid readers of RFD. We also met faerie brothers from Columbus.

The next event which drew more faeries out of the urban-closet was a mini-gathering at my lover’s and 21

It seems as I open my mind and heart up to new avenues of ideas and beliefs that books, articles and people come into my life to support and affirm my new insights.

Somehow the task of getting a circle together fell into my lap and of course I was all too willing to assume responsibility. A characteristic I sometimes see as dysfunctional, but I’ll get more into that later.

Months passed, 'til panic and fear set in, it's no wonder it was September 10th and the deadline was just over a month away. So I sat down calling every one I thought might be interested. Stefan was one of the first I contacted. We looked over our schedules deciding the following Thursday, September 21st would be the date of our first RFD Circle. While Stefan was looking over his gay calender and his moon calendar he discovered that that date was the 15th anniversary of RFD and Friday was the start of the equinox signifying a balance between lightness and darkness, femaleness and maleness.

Once again Providence enters the picture.

So on the eve of the RFD anniversary we gathered. I had taken the liberty to make a list of words that began with R, F, & D, along with some ideas of acronisms. After brainstorming, collaboration and looking through a stack of RFD back issues we came to the agreement of "Re-addressing Faerie Doctrines...... a Cleveland Perspective” That’s when the real heart­ ache and head-ache began.

The question arose for me, How was I to write an article on "Re-addressing Faerie Doctrines" when I had only read four issues of RFD and attended two gatherings. Other questions arose ... What are Faerie doctrines? Do any exist? I didn't have the answers yet I had a sense that there existed in the Faerie community basic beliefs, common ideas, shared feelings, new hope and insight for a safer, healthier society and world healing and recovering from dysfunctions.

CONTINUED ON PAGE 23

Hare Kr$na Hare Kr$oa Kr$na Kr$fia Hare Hare Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare ^ G O D g ran t me the S H R E M T V ^ to accept the things 1 cannot change fcC O l RAGE to change the thingsi m ^cant o • know and WISDOM the difference]I

A D eeperN e Greater 1 Strength

We came We came to We came to believe

" Recovery has given

^'Commitment to a Higher Sell

m e a w hole n ew g u outlook on life." (7 l

Place Indore your mind a great and definite purpose, a plan or course you wish your life to take.

Q This purpose or ideal is hut the heart’s desire *5^ ^ •%} of the sleeping prince or princess that lies withirfyou waiting for its dream to become a reality W st) it can begin to awaken.

I W

X3

Vou do not need new circumstances or enhanced p These will come when vour heart’s desire becomes the most important thing in your life.

Nothing can bring so much pleasure and as the daily progress that occurs JwTl when the sleeping giant within JlMpbegins to awaken.

CONSIDERTHIS SMALL MIRACLE)

THE OLDER I GET, THE MORE I TRY TO WALK THROUGH THE OPEN DOOR .A N D NOT POUND O N THE CLOSED ONE

V

P erfectio n is an id e a l we a ll aspire to but ra re ly a tta in . lour g ra sp ,

Still,even though it is b eyo n d eflection

the lo f tiness o j the jju e s t is

enough to keep us in spired, active, a n d L

iu ltim ately,

a live a n d g ro w in g . _____ gfow

Now there was something I knew about Recovering From D ysfunctions.

Dysfunctional thinking, dysfunctional behavior, dysfunctional attitudes, dysfunctional beliefs, ways of coping and 'fixing' that no longer worked. The fact is I'm a child of the Universe recovering from many dis-eases and dis­ comforts. Some of them have been given labels; A lcoholism , A norexia-N ervosis, Co-dependency, Incest, Molestation, Child-Abuse, Sex and Love Addiction as w ell as Adult Child of an Alcoholic/dysfunctional Family.

But along with labeling characteristics comes labeling people. That is one of the first things I rebeled against as a child and still is today as an adult. Eventhough I'm recovering from many dis-eases I resent being labeled an alcoholic or an addict. There is more to me and my essence then those labels. Yet without them I couldn’t identify myself as a gay man or even a faerie.

For only by identifying m yself and naming dysfunctional characteristics can I begin un-covering my true self Reclaiming Former Dreams, Releasing Flagrant Disillusionm ents and Realizing Future

Dreams less I want to Rapidly Face Destruction. So while I'm recovering, I'm also addressing & re­ addressing my beliefs, my standards, my perceptions of what it entails to be a man, a Gay man and even a Faerie. For someone like myself who was raised in and lives in a dominant white male supremist sexist society to challenge those beliefs can be frightening Beliefs that have in the past and still today characterize me as prejudice, judgemental, fearful and shameful of being what I am, not who I am. For who I am can best be described as "Having been created in god's image we are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but rather we are spiritual beings having a human experience." Sometimes the human experience can be mighty painful when I have the spiritual enlightenments of just how human I am.

CONTINUED ON PAGE 29

Let’s make the most of our feu\ts GAY PRIDE

Then you express it.

"Each time a person stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others...(s)he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance." Robert F. Kennedy

Don’t be caught without it.

Wear it say it.

End Apartheid

VISION In My Mind's Eye

by Jim Kilonsky I can fly thru space with a body of light.

I can dance among the stars.

I see the world as something loving and growing.

In my mind's eye the boundaries are far.

A limitless place, No mask of time, no end to space, No dream to wild, Love as a child,

An eye of hope, of vision and wonder, Without a fear to hold me under.

I am the light. I am the thunder.

In my mind's eye.

A dream to be a spirit again, Loss of my body a fear soon forgotten.

Dancing, rejoicing being one with the world, Lovingly every momentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s uncurled.

All these things, an infinate more, Are here for me to experience, explore, In my mindâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s eye.

Thru my mind's eyes.

24

unexplored. P atriarchy is not in the duality o f god/goddess.

The celebration of our goddess-self is only complete to the extent that it includes empowerment of our god-self.

The radical faerie philosophy has been powerful for us because it allows us to enshrine our gayness as spiritual, and it allows us to see manifestations of goddess worship. As we moved further away from being willing to participate in a patriarchal society, we move further from appreciation of male godliness. Historically, we look back on societies and their interplay with, and outgrowth of their religion. We moved to w a rd s goddess worship as a way of moving a w a y from a patriarchal power structure, yet we wrongly believed that there was no god except god-the-father, and we were tired of acting the obedient or rebel son.

The pagan god springs forth from the goddess. He is bound to her. He is born of the virgin and free of the murderous competition in which he seeks to annihilate his father. He represents the hunter, not as great killer, but as a searcher and seeker.

The god represents the embodiment of feelings set free His half-man/half-animal image represents his undisguised truth; he seeks no masters. His are the unbridled emotion; different from violence. He is the god of life and of the life cycle He is the god of loving, which includes sexual energy. He is Priapus - untamed and lustful, yet gentle. His sexual energy is the ecstatic union by which we experience the totality of the universe.

For us, the most healing concept in paganism is the cyclical balance of life - spirit/flesh, man/woman, death/rebirth, rejuvenation/decline... In pagan terms there can be no goddess without god. There has always been a male counterpart to the female goddess. Our society has created the concept of god-the-father, or god-the-judge, as a way of shoring patriarchal power. The pagan god was driven into image of the devil by judeo-christian political structure that hoped to eradicate any pagan challenges to its patriarchy.

Patriarchy really means "father rule" but it is unclear who gets to be the father in our socioty. Many men jockey for the place of ultimate power - the place where he can have many sons beneath him. Our s o c ie ty envisions a god - who created patriarchy in his own image - that justifies this system of competition. Pagan gods are driven off. Men are taught to desensitize themselves to their feelings - not only to better equip themselves for keener competition, but also to desensitize themselves to their own rage about their powerlessness in this patriarchal system. In our society men struggle to win the favor of this most powerful father by pandering to his system, or by becoming disobedient, rebel sons who seek to depose him. Regardless - menâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s anger becomes perverted towards others to create for a peaceless world - or towards himself to create self-hatred or dis-ease.

The pagan god is the Harvest King. He is the death that brings new life. He is the strengthful surrender that sustains the Spring, thus he is the god of rebirth. He is the god of comfort to our loss as he teaches us through his own life-cycle. The celebrations of the goddess are lunar, celebrations of the god follow the sun. He is crowned the Sun King in the longest night of the year to become the Lord of the Light. At Winter Solstice we honor him as the bhnger of hope. He is Lord of the Underworld where dead souls await rebirth. As Lord of the Dance he is the embodiment of the spiraling energies of DNA and RNA as he evolves.

The sky, the wind, and the storm are the domain of the god..

He is the king of the natural world, and king of the dreamworld. He is the stag and the bull. He is all that is within us that will never be dominated or domesticated. He is the god of our potency and haunts the natural world with dominion over the darkest night - our Selves. As Pan he reign over our most primitive emotions - love and fear - and impels us forward to conquer life.

The pagan god is not patriarchal. He is the Self united - the balance of mind and body, spirit and flesh. He is the god of sexuality - Eros - but of sexuality as a sacrament. He also embodies wisdom - Logos - as he synthesizes spirit and desire into awareness and knowledge. As gay men grow to greater self-appreciation they are free to reject the image of god-the-father and the patriarchy from whence it came. In this spiritual void, many are drawn to goddess worship.

Celebration of the femaleness of our duality becomes an initiation rite. Because our understanding of patriarchy is m is u n d e rsto o d as knowledge of maleness or knowledge of god-self, the m ale facet of goddess worship is left

The pagan god is seen in many cultures. He is hot and dry.

He rules over those things which are hard, active, masculine, and rising. He is Yang. He is the bringer of fire, Lord of the flame - a polite euphemism for the reverence of sex. The crackle of his fire-voice is a good sign to diviners who scry his meaning.

He is the god that calls to our ancient spirits. His voice speaks in whispers. We have seen his face inside our hearts.

25

What is faerie doctrine?

Maybe Earth Spirituality!!!

Cleveland Earth Spirituality, huh?!!

Actually there is a lot of earth here in Cleveland.

Metal comes froms the earth after all, so does brick, concrete, glass, wow! food, clothes, everything!

I am constantly in touch with the earth!

And constantly touching the earth.

Which means I am constantly in touch with the earth and it's spirituality.

All I need to do is open my eyes, my touch, my intuitiveness and 1 can open my heart to the vibration of a living spirituality that surrounds me - constantly!

WOW! Good moring! Smell that coffee! That is the earths sweet smell.

Now comes the fun part. Trying to stay awake and in tune. NOW! 1 guess Cleveland is a pretty earth Spiritual place to live.

The lake has always been a big healer for me.

But now 1 can see how it all can heal, if 1 wake up.

In this land of Cleves I surround myself with raw earth things Crystals Amethyst Dried herbs on strings wooden tokens rocks and sand many things of earth power I can hold in my hands Cats and plants of every shape and size the beauty of earth I can behold with my eyes Coral from the sea shells off a beach the earth and its treasures always within reach many figures of rhinos my power animals play as I pass thru the dream curtain nothing stops earths power today

by Jim Kilonsky 26

Casting a City Circle

by James Franklim Can we cast a city circle?

W & Cast a faerie light on a city night?

B Can we rise hard and gentle, softly shining in Can we adorn our hair with pigeon feathers? ,Can we write poetry on word processors O a % to the sound of sirens and buzzsaws?Jra |We celebrate the equinox ^ j*L since seasons come, even to the city W e stand, we six

A with feet planted on patio flagstones \ arms extended onto each others' shoulders Embracing strangers, willing connectedness X j # seeking the godness in each others' eyes

we look down ^ Jo tassled mocassins, Rockport Walkers,® black Reeboks and white hightops, 'l|||j||| Lfootwear found in offices, shopping malls p a n d disco bars, /v i^b u t also to Robbi's toes barefooting * - S I \ even on this hard, cold, overpaved ground he invokes the spirits P-jj 'of brotherhood and peace^ m lj^ M and flaming faerie faggots^*! • ® from the hills of T e n n e sse e "^ J i a Inspired by these naked messengers here, too surrounded by city estrangements* our circle is cast !

We We /W e <^W e

rise J write dance to the sigh of the siren^J sing to the song of the buzzsaw

27

by Jim Kilonsky

To only just be, to hold onto these moments for the rest of my life, this is what I dream of, this is what I yearn for. Everything else is so far away, and these feelings, this day is so real to me now, I must capture and remember this always, he begins to feel anxious. No, not now, he thinks, I won't let anything spoil this moment, this time is made for me, for me and this grass, this sky, this breeze.

The desperation is gone and the sleep settles in, and Tarmac lies alone on the hill. Just him and all there is.

The dream that cross his mind are full of laughter and touching, warmth and oneness. He rolls on the earth and stretches, feeling the soft, young grass touching and tickleling his body, his face.

As the sun warms his skin, he is one with the earth, he smiles inside.

The cool breeze blows the hair across Tarmacs' face, as he gently lies back onto the new soft grass.

The top of this hill is my favorite place in the world, he thinks, how I missed this last winter.

As he closes his eyes he feels the breath of life surround him, and he knows that as long as he keeps these moments in his heart, he will always know he is part of a world of magic and sunshine.

My journey of greater self-awareness started quite by accident. But not so. Even when I wasn't looking for or aware of Divine Providence, it did exist in my life, but I was blind to it. My first introduction to living a spiritual way of life was through 12-step programs.

In the confines of meetings I began to learn to accept personal limits, not only of myself, but of others as well. I began to come to an acceptance that I am not all-powerful, that I can and need to turn to a Higher Power when in need of guidance (femaleness-Yinintuitiveness) and courage (maleness-Yang-strength).

I, then, set into cleaning away the wreckage of my life, dumping excess baggage, taking inventory of patterns and characteristics throwing out the ones that no longer worked. I did that by allowing another to fully know me by sharing deep-dark secrets, some 1 swore I would never tell another. Seeing patterns in my life that did not work allowed me to be open and willing to try new avenues, asking my god(dess) to take from me anything in my life that hindered me from being the spiritual expression that I was meant to be.

1 was oftened told: "Beware of what you pray for, you just might get it."

"Having been created in god's image we are not human beings having a s p iritu a l experience, but rather we are spiritua l beings having a human experience...."

Like for example sitting down to write this article I knew what I wanted to write about, then found myself ready to tear down the make-shift book shelves in order to create the ideal perfect workspace and ambience.

A ceated distraction delaying the inevitable task of writing - motivated by the fear of failure and deadlines. Divinely I was able to step out of myself long enough to call a friend who reminded me 1 didn't have to create a perfect workspace nor did I have to write the perfect article of the century. So here I was getting ready to write an article focusing on Recovering From Dysfunctions only to discover myself in the middle of it. Perfectionism is one of my more glaring dysfunctional characteristics of Codependency, not to mention that it doesn't leave room for me to be fallible. Most of my life has been about being a human 'doing', not a human 'being', basing all of my actions and interactions personally and professionally in order for me to "matter", feel loved, wanted and to get the attention I felt I deserved, yet never received as a child due to my caregivers (parents) lack of ability, knowledge or experience to do so. I was taught to have "other" esteem not self-

>

The Twelve Steps for everyone 1. We admitted we were powerless over our affliction that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of god as we understood god 4. Made a searching and fearless moral Inventory of our­ selves.

5. Admitted to god, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have god remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked god to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with a Power greater than ourselves, praying only for knowledge of godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s will for us and the power to carry it out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all areas of our lives.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"If I am I because I am I and you are you because you are you then I am and you are.

But if I am I because you are you, and you are you because I am I, then I am not and you are not."

Rabbi Mendel

-----------------

As I was cleaning away the wreckage of my own life I realized that I had created wreckage in others' life.

The purpose of making amends was to level with people not to level them. So I set out to mend what wrongs I could, being cautious not to create any more as I went along trudging the road of happy destiny. 1 couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t very well go to the wife of one of my former lovers and say I was sorry I had an affair with your husband. Making amends are about me changing my behaviors, which are offensive, so as not to hurt others. It is not about giving lip-service by saying:

>

esteem. My worth (or the way in which I mattered) was based on performance in school, my behavior and on how well I looked. All of these behaviors put my self-worth in someone else's control and judgement.

29

"I'm sorry." The age old saying - ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS - definitely applies.

My journey and odyssey of spiritual living and awakenings continue to take me in uncharted territories. The lastest exploration of this odyssey has been proclaiming my self as a Faerie, a pagan and believer of the earth as an intricate living organism.

In order for me to help heal the world of it's dis-eases (pollution, discrimination, etc.) I must first begin to heal my self. I believe that if each one of us concentrates on healing our selves then the collective consciousness of the world can begin to heal our precious Mother-Earth. Creating a safe, healthy world in order for each of us to freely express who we are without labeling, segregating, discrimination or injustice.

As with many fixtures of life maintenance plays a big part of my daily life. As a result of my childabuse I am constantly vigilant of my behaviors. So I continue the process of cleaning away the wreckage making sure the shelves of my inventory are in good standing. One of the steps reads "...and when we were wrong promptly admit it. PROMPTLY! I'm lucking some days if I'm aware of my actions or motives, let alone promptly admit any wrongs. I'm doing good if that whole process takes place in less than a week.

But that is where prayer and meditation comes in.

Making daily conscious contact with my Higher Power helps keep me open to the collective consciousness of the world around me. Listening to that small still voice within (which sometimes is a rebellious twoyear old looking for attention) that guides me making me aware of my needs and wants.

The Twelve Promises 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

Wc arc groing to know a new freedom and new happiness We will not regreat the past norwish to shut the door on it Wc will comprehend the word serenity We will know peace No matter how far down the scale wc have gone, wc will sec how our experience can benefit others That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear Wc will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellow human beings Self seeking will slip away Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us Wc wilt intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us Wc will suddenly realize that god is doing for us what wc could not do for ourselves

My involvement with 12-step programs has lead me to this time in space writing an article for RFD. Only by opening my heart and soul could I have been led to a beautiful group of men such as the Radical Faeries. To find my self gathering in a circle of gay men who express spirituality and sexuality at the same time has been a blessing and not in disguise mind you.

Celebrating in our wholeness, our oneness and our individual, as well as our collective, uniqueness. To give to each other what has been so freely given tous brings me to the close of this article as well as the 12th step in recovery. In order for me to continue in my spiritual progress I have to give it away in order to keep it. Karmic experience. And isn't that the same as love, justice, brotherhood, sisterhood, peace.

30

OUT WITH THE wu.Biu.ys ixj 1e/Tij D e L im o n i

Mountain Boy says that the hot cider is ready; so we'll jist hang the kettle right here be­ side the fireplace and ya'll jist ladle out yerself a hot mug anytime ya like.

Shucks; all these here boxes of ornaments we been a sortin' through ain't but jist a hint of the good times to come!

Well, howdy; and welcome back out here to Rocky Top Parra!

See; once they're sorted, they'll lay quiet in our storage shed out back until the first day of December.

(We always need a week to git over all that food at Thanksgivin', ya know.) But on that first day, we'll begin to decorate Rocky Top.

Looks like ya'll caught the ole Hillybilly and Mountain Boy right in the act this time. We jist started draggin' out our Christmass dejist started draggin' out our Christmas de­ corations; preparin' for the highlight of our year.

We don't leave nothin' untouched. There’ll be garland and tinsel and lights everywhere in the house. Yup; there's even special candles and towels fer the indoor outhouse!

Sure enough; we do Christmas up BIG here in these hills I So park yer trucks and come on into the farmhouse. We'll all have some fun and and maybe a mug of hot homemade apple cider to swill it all down with.

Now; some folks may say that we over-do all of t is but ther is a nothin this but ther is a noshun fer all this commo­ tion. Mountain Boy and I realize from our own past how very lonley this season can be fer a lot of people. So we set out to see to it that all our friends don't have to feel that way.

Our farm is the spot fer the holidays fer a lot of other gays in the area. Yup; we gather here to sing carols, wrap gifts, go huntin' or fishin' --- lots of the real season spirit fer everybody is our motto.

Shucks; when God gave us love, it was meant to be shared. Our friends are always home fer Christmas at our farm.

That's only natural though. Why; you ain't seen nothin' 'til you've seen Christmas in the Ozarks!

Come on now; ya'll find yerself a seat some­ where 'cause there's boxes of ornaments and tinsel and decorations enough fer everybody to git to sort through. Jist pick out a box and dive right in. Be sorta careful whilst a testin' them strings of lights though. Some of them has been around since the ole Coon hound was a pup and might be a tad worn out.

Shoot fire; Christmas is the longest and most beautiful season of the year ^er Rocky Top Farm!

Both Mountain Boy and I was .aised with a deep set love fer the holiday season.

So there's no limit to the decoratin' and partyin' we do this time of year.

Continued on Page 58 31

R E M E M B E R IN G

Photos:

top 1-r Glen Mitroff, Lee Steenhuis,

Stv

♦ ♦ ♦

32

bottoa 1-r Miss Nancy, Stv

for

Michael

Mason

Brother, love, magickal childeit’s in your eyes and in your smile the dance of the ages 1ightly it plays unveiling itself each time you change the angels, like gypsies to no place belong but dance in the darkness to bring on the dawn sprinkling dew that soon disappears with the sun they leave glistening with teardrops each place they’ve called home forever in search of someplace to shine ready to turn beginning to fly thank goodnees to have met you while there was still time now this dance in the darkness has melted into light I _e e S t e e n h u i c

Lee Steenhuis

MICHAEL

MASON

lover of men "I know that’s right"

Having Michael here at the Sanctuary for six weeks has made his passing a lot easier. He has left many indelible memories, one is in the form of a monumental stone walkway. Working with rocks was one of his greatest passions in life. He carved most of the stones in our memorial grove. He even carved his own, well aware of his own mortality. He always said that "if I died tomorrow at least I can say I’ve lead a full life.”

A frequent contributor to RFD, Michael had been involved from the early days when it moved to North Carolina. He was an inspiring poet who was constantly found writing page after page in his spiral notebooks. After he became ill Michael spent a lot of time going through his poetry in hopes of publishing a book of his work. Michael contributed greatly to the Poetry issue of RFD #27.

Michael prayed that he would go quickly and not wither away, he could not bear the thougnt of losing his vigor. His prayers were answered, a week after he left the Short Mountain Fall Gathering a vibrant person, he entered the hospital m New York City. He died four days later from Toxoplasmosis.

He was well loved by the faerie family that he adopted. Known for his wry sense of humor and tart tongue, Michael was fond of quoting Divine movies. One of his favorites was "I have two words ♦or you Taffy, behave.” Michael loved to tell stories about his childhood having grown up in a very large extended family.

Michael you are loved.

Michael was a graduate of the Short Mountain Re Finishing School. His most recent stay with us was shortly before he died. He had a vision for and a devotion to the community here. In one of our family circles he encouraged us to talk about our dark underneaths, those areas we prefer others not to see. It was very instrumental in people opening up to each other .

If you would like to help us endeavor to put together a book of Michael’s poetry by helping out financially or by contributing some artwork please let us know.

33

T R Y O N

K E N N O N

Tryon was affectionately known as the kitchen tyrant while he lived at Short Mountain Sanctuary. He would spend hours at a time tidying the kitchen which was a mighty task. If you failed to put something back in it’s proper place, he kvetched at you. Around the holidays he would bake all kinds of goodies. His attention for order extended to the yard as he made several little gardens including a circular herb garden around a large monolith near the house. Tryon was a great story teller and loved to talk about his adolescence, one of his favorites was when his nother used to sake h i» scrub the baseboards of their house with a toothbrush. Maybe that’s where he became so anal. Tryon suffered a bout of Pneumocystis while living at Short Mountain, after getting out of the hospital he moved back to San Francisco so he could live in a hospice situation. He died in June of this year in the loving arms of a dear friend.

G^RV 19 3 9

HOLT — 1-988

Gary lived on a small farm outside Alexandria Louisiana. The farm had been in his family for many years. He raised goats, chickens, dogs, etc. as well as worked as a hair stylist in Alexandria.

He attended many fairy gatherings and many will always remember his long blond hair and his ever-present gentle presence. (He was always willing to 'cut hair’ at a gathering just for the asking.

He was loved by many people but always searching for someone special in his life.

He will be missed by many and will be remem­ bered by me (and others) for as long as I can remember.

Gary Holt - A Man Good and Fine.

Letter from the Sanctuary

Raphael Sabatini i devoured the first paragraph of Stv's letter— he is still In Tennessee— hello; sorry It took so long; hello;

The Quilt piece is a shawl I embroidered for Gary with lots of VERY SUGGESTIVE poses. The semi-circle is from his favorite skirt and the buttons are from gatherings we had attended together.

then he said that Tryon died in June in San Francisco quite ill towards the end no point in people being tied to a bed— white with pain— simply out of courtesy i finished the letter: chit chat and a recipe before 1 could cry my mind pulled out a passage from the Gita "the wise grieve neither for the living nor for the dead"

JORGE ARAUJO, 1929-1989 perhaps wisdom is the least of gifts that the east can grant me today as i walk my dear friend away

by Glenn L. Sitzman The gay activist Jorge A r a u j o died in Mexico City on May 15, 1989, two months and a few days past his sixtieth birthday.

He was one of the organizing members of the now defunct Grupo B. After the demise of Grupo B about two years ago Jorge continued to remain in touch with other gay a ctivist gro u p s with o u t b e c o m i n g as in­ volved as he had been with Grupo B. He worked for the gay magazine Macho Tips and until very recently did translations into Spanish for it.

He also did translations for Paz_y_Ljberacion and a few years ago wrote a few letters about the gay situation in Mexico for publication in GCN.

LUNA

JAMES

LAHEY

I thought words would come easy for a friend who touched my life so deeply.

James died in New York City during the Spring Gathering here at Short Mountain Sanctuary.

Michael Mason, knowing James was very ill, was carving a memorial stone for him the day he died. That was the wav James’ life was.

In spending time with him, I didn’t need to use words to communicate my feelings, he knew. One day while walking in tne woods after he died, suddenly I was whelmed

by James’ presence.

It was then I realized that he still walks by my side, and for that knowledge I am glad.

In a letter dated S e p t e m b e r 14, 1988, Jorge wrote about his being "afraid to be alone^once more now that I am almost 60 years old."

He then went on to write about "the Sida (Aids) crisis that is getting more and more victims in Mexican Republic, now 2,000 people that will be double in six months more.

We are having a intensive campaign with street posters, T.V. and radio spots, thea t r e plays, and movies, showing safe sex, the use of condoms, and how to help sick people.

I am always in contact 34

that I got so depressed and started crying but M. embraced me and made feel good, but anyway I am so preoccupied and in panic.

No doubt that my arriving to 60 years old has been so bad.

Meanwhile as I have to be in repose I have, been g o i n g to t he m o v i e s 'Ra i n Man' a n d to g a y theatre, first Maricosas, a lovely gay musical full of feathers and go o d humor, the second 'Melodrama' a tragi-comic play on the book of Luis Zapata [Adonis G a r c i a l a close friend of Rafael C. [a mutual friend], lovely play in­ deed.

In think the operations will be by the end of the month.

I pray and cross my fingers.

I am so afraid, now that I was so happy with M. Hope you like #21 of Macho [Tips], let me know about it, also THANKS SO VERY MUCH for keep on sending me 'RFD' always so good and interest­ ing. Good wishes and love, Jorge."

with the leader of the group and informed about all a c t i v i t i e s , t h e y a r e g i v i n g m e d i c a l , social, juridical, and emotional help to all new people been [sic] gay and assistance to old gays and aids sick people.

I think this is the best g r o u p we ever had in Mexico.

Th e y are asking me to cooperate, but I am so busy taking care of Fonda Alicia [his gay restaurant in the Zona Rosa] and my own problems [some of which related to his health] but tonight I will have dinner with the lover of the leader and I will see how can I cooperate with them."

Then he wrote about a former lover who had called from Houston to tell Jorge that he had A I D S , "as s o o n as I h u n g the t e l e p h o n e I started crying and crying and I will go next december to Houston to see him.

I know that he needs me so much and will be awful to see him again for the last time."

How can one reply to such a letter?

I tried to write comforting and encouraging letters.

I wrote three times and sent cards that I thought would please him, gay cards, some of them, and one of a handsome young man, the type he took so much joy in.

Perhaps the first car d and letter reached him b e f o r e he went into the hospital, but the other two were sent too late, the last after his death.

Since I was in my 68th year, I tried to write in such a way as to help him see that moving into the sixties was not n e c e s s a r i l y a bleak prospect.

On November 18, 1988, he replied, "Thanks for all your words about loneliness and how to live with it.

I am trying to do my best.

I got a new hair style, new clothes and what its [sic] important a new acceptation of myself to keep on going and always trying to meet someone new, just to have company, sex it is not longer so important, it is more impor­ tant to me to learn something new about differ­ ent young minds, and new ones are becoming more and m o r e c u t e and w el l s h a p e d e v e r y generation."

On June 1st I r eceived a letter that brought the news of Jorg e ' s death from some o ne I did not know.

The language is t o r t u r e d and the handwriting hard to read.

The letter was writ­ ten without punctuation or paragraphing, and the spelling is so erratic that it s ometimes made the meaning difficult for me to get at, so that I had to seek help.

Just how many opera­ tions Jorge underwent is not clear, since each time the writer of the letter mentions an oper­ ation he says, "lo v o l v i e r o n a operar" (they operated on him again). I have tried with my, sometimes free, translation to convey the sense and feeling of this letter.

I offer it, along with Jorge's letters, because I believe that these encounters with aging, catastrophic ill­ ness and death may have meaning for others.

Let me close, then, by quoting the letter that brought the sad news.

The letter is dated May 22, 1985 [sic] and is postmarked May 23, 1989:

I wrote to him further about spending more time with his older friends, so that they could be role models to him, and on January 7, 1989, he wrote, "You are so right about having older people around me.

I know by myse l f how c o n ­ venient it is, by the way I go once a month to a house were five older ones got t o gether to share their loneliness, each one has his own world at his bedroom, but they share the rest of the house and every S u n d a y they all help each other in cooking so nice dinner and re­ ceiving friends to share it with, by the way Samuel the one you met is now 88 years old [I had inquired about Samuel], he is not the same you met [in 1982] but still doing w e l l - - ne x t time I will see him I will give him your re­ gards, I spent there Xmas Day so happy and with many presents, after dinner I drove to Veracruz with one of my waiters." I

"Dear friend I am very sorry to give you news which will fill you with pain.

Jorge died the 15th of May, today makes 8 days.

You cannot know how I have c r i e d since he was my only friend.

I have not written to you sooner be­ cause my head was in such turmoil.

I could not believe what has happened.

I did not hear from Jorge again till April 17th, and that letter, dated March 7, though clearly written in April, was his last.

In it he wrote, "First of all thanks a lot for your so nice birthday letter [His birthday was March 3rd] and your good wishes.

I was so terrible happy until last week.

I mean so happy since I met M. last november, since the moment I met him, he has been so nice to me, so tender and helpfull, with lovely smiling eyes, always in a joyfull mood, but last F r i d a y when I went to piss a lot of blood came out and everytime more and more b l o o d so I ran to the Hospital and after a week of analisis and radio studies, the doctor found out that I have a tumor about the size of an orange over my left kidney, so once I finish the dosis of m e d i c a m e n t s o r d e r e d I have to come back for an < e r a t i o n to remove the tumor, my left kidney, an inguinal hernia and my prostata [prostate] .

When I heard all

"To give you details of his illness would be very painful and to suffer again all that was so sad.

I will only tell you that since the First of May at 8:00 in the m orning when he entered the hospital he suffered such frightful pains that I would not wish on anybody.

On the 2nd they operated on him again and he did not regain consciousness until the 10th, remaining unconscious.

He regained his memory little by little (on the same day, the 2nd at 5:00 in the afternoon they operated on him again). On the 11th at m i d - d a y they took him up to his room very weak.

On the 12th he was very ill all day and on the 14th at 5:00 in the m orning they operated on him again and on the 15th he died at 11:00 in the morning and on the 17th they buried him.

This that I tell you is the main points.

Since he suffered so much may he rest in peace.

Your friend, 0."

35

Ah

L & o fc

LEE VALLEY FARM ; Lu

learned that trust begets trust. I learned not to prejudge and to accept each individual as they are, not how I wanted them to be and that some were more special to me than others.

Those became lifetime friends.

Others, while OK in their own right, were not for me so I weeded them out. And most of all I learned that once we got to know one another the smartest thing I could do was to get out of their way so they could be themselves: to grow and learn and experience on their own. I learned this and more about my horses...and my people.

Greetings RFD, On your last visit you guys asked the secret of Lee Valley Far m ’s success. I d o n ’t really know if there’s any secret but as I started to explain you told me to write it down and y o u ’d print it.

Describing Lee Valley Farm is as abstract as trying to define love because no two people experience it the same way. But I can give you a little history and that should give you an idea of what LVF is all about.

Today, my elbows are just fine but all my riders still learn from the ground up and I ’m still learning right along with them.

Many years ago in a land far, far, away (Descanso, California to be precise), I had a riding stable. It was my first and I wanted everything to be perfect. Even though I ’d given up my stressful big city ways years before I still needed to be perfect. "Super Lee", if you will. After a few months of being Mr. Perfect; hauling hay bales and swinging saddles over my shoulder daily I finally tore the shit out of my right elbow The doctors said, "Rest it or we operate." Would I put on bandages or carry the arm in a sling?

Not "Super Lee".

I was Mr. Perfect and besides I d i d n ’t want the owners of the ranch to know their stable master (In a sling?) couldn’t pick up a fork much less a saddle. I damn near m a c h o ’d myself out of a job.

In time I realized that the only thing that kept people from exploring their own potential was having a space where they could feel safe, nurtured and not be judged.

I also discovered that I liked being around people who were not "stuck" in time or stifled by mindsets because as they grew I grew and their energy nourished us both.

And so, out of a simple case Lee Valley Farm was born.

of

tennis

elbow,

When you come here for the first time we take you on "the t o u r " , introduce you to the other guests and animals (sometimes one and the same) and stay with you until y o u ’ve got the feel of the farm. While everybody who comes here is special to us no one cares who you are or what you do, how much you earn or the range of your beeper. Nobody is just a room number or a dollar sign and t h a t ’s why I limit the number of guests and what keeps people coming back.

Nobody gets lost in the crowd at Lee Valley Farm.

Did I panic? Of course.

But, from adversity comes some pretty smart-ass ideas and I came up with the ’perfect’ one. I taught the riders how to get their horses out of the corral and then brush, groom and saddle them. Then I gave them a riding lesson and sent them on their way.

Sure it took longer than if I did it myself - but I couldn’t so all I could do was relax and let it happen. Besides, it gave me the perfect excuse for not being perfect anymore.

When I tell people t h e y ’ve never been to a place like this before I mean it.

W e ’ve all fallen pray to the, "You’re Gay - so y o u ’ll pay. school of business or experienced places that advertise what they d o n ’t have.

People drive hundreds of miles only to discover that what they were promised d o e s n ’t exist.

T h a t ’s a rip-off no matter what your sexual orientation.

In the beginning I didn't know much more about horses than my riders did.

I was an interior designer from Manhattan not a bronc buster. Yet. So I read and studied and watched... both my horses and my people.

I learned that basic instincts win out over learned behavior.

I 36

That d o e s n ’t happen here. When I say I ’ve got horses that means eight good ones... and a hot tub, hiking and riding trails and "Loch Nellie" a sparkling clean, spring fed pond stocked with frisky, fat fish...and t h a t ’s why I can give a quarantee. If Lee Valley Farm is n ’t exactly as promised I ’ll return your money - no snits, no guilt trips or questions asked.

Well, maybe a few. I d o n ’t know - nobody has ever asked for it back.

Things seem to happen here that d o n ’t happen elswhere. Some refer to it as the magic of the mountain. I think i t ’s the exchange of energies that occur between us. But I promise you that being able to explore the land, yourself and other people, to talk, touch and share thoughts will not leave you untouched.

For some their greatest accomplishment is to ride a horsebecause t h e y ’re scared shitless. For others i t ’s going skinny dipping ...for the same reason. For some i t ’s redefining or discovering their sexuality. It w a s n ’t so very long ago that gay men used sex to measure their own self worth.

Many still do because i t ’s a hard pattern to break. So, while this is not a heavy duty cruising place (not a glory hole in sight!) it does provide the opportunity for men to be men together.

AIDS is teaching us to grow up sexually and w e ’re learning that w e ’re more than cocks and mouths and assholes. We are whole men who are discovering that being with another man; to nurture and be nurtured by him is damn close to h e aven.

mwe

shopping

spues a

I am still glowing after our faerie action shop­ ping spree and terrorist luncheon in late Sep­ tember. We assembled (ensemble-d’ at Yoo-hoo Honey’s house that glorious morning.

Then in a cortege of coach loads, we penetrated downtown Minneapolis proper, resplendent in our autumn shopping togs (I was tricked out in a coppercolored wig and a black and white optical illu­ sion print type dress, and oh, a lovely cha­ peau...).

Well, we circled in front of IDS and sang, “Who could turn the world on with her smile..." etc. from the Mary Tyler Moore Show, before launching into Saks Fifth Avenue.

John Paul, who caught up with us at the credit card application table on the first level of Saks, said it was easy to find us, as we left in our wake clusters of dazed and smiling matrons and sundry Saturday afternooners... besides our yoo hoo honeys could be heard for blocks. Upstairs we graced the jewelry and make-up counters.

We positively flocked round the free make-over stations (more beauty, more...). We ... wending our way from Saks and the attached Gavidae (latin for loon’) Common, we crossed the skyway through Carson’s to City Center.

It was apparent something was going on in the atrium below. Word of a fashion show spread in our group like a wild fire. Sure enough, while descending on the escalator we saw the empty runways in front of which a crowd had amassed clamouring for imminent beauty. What could we do but take to the runways’ Which we did with amazing alacrity ... turning and twirling, hith­ er and thither across the runways (courtesy, un­ beknownst to them, of the University of Minne­ sota) . All of this amid much laughter and pop­ ping of flash cubes--just like Milano, Paris, Fargo...

Well, aside from a few surly details (the five security people who followed us out...) we coursed smoothly through Dayton s, where we lunched in the Oak Grill.

It was lovely and I wish you all could have been there. Love,

Some people leave here and their re-entry into the "real" world is so difficult they never come back. Others learn how to use the farm to make their world outside more rewarding and they return again and again. For them i t ’s "coming home" Certainly Lee Valley Farm is horses and trails, the hot-tub, the remodeled farm house, dining room and sundeck, our brand new cedar bathroom with clawfoot tub and panoramic view of the mountain (about as pissy as we can handle around here) country cooking and friendly people.

But those are "things" and can be found elsewhere.

There’s something else here.

It can be as tangible as the mountain itself or as elusive as the mist on the pond at sunrise. What you find depends on whether you see with your eyes and intellect or feel with your imagination and gut.

A visit to the farm can be a relaxing retreat; a place to refresh, recharge and renew.

Or, as some have discovered, it could change your life.

Lee Valley Farm is a discreet, quiet and stress-free retreat where you can nuture both mind and body while escaping the outside world.

It’s for the kid in you w h o ’s looking for a place to play. I t ’s also my home and in that spirit I invite you to live, grow, work, play and share the fun, romance and adventure with me.

I hope this answers your questions and w e ’ll see you again soon...in the saddle...and next time w e ’ll try for six in the hot tub.

"Stay with us," Lee Lawrence,

action

Da v e e n G u r l e e n

Max and all the critters 37

P r i s o n Is A P l a c e ' Steven E. Woolard What is prison like 777 It’s not the same for everyone. The prison I know is different fro* the one you know or heard about on T.V. or the news.

Prison is a place where the first person you see looks like an allAmerican college boy -- and you're surprised. Later, you're disgusted because the people on the outside world still have prejudices about prisoners they once knew about.

Prison is a place where you write letters and can’t think of anything to say', where you gradually write fewer and fewer letter's, and finally stop writing altogether.

Prison is a place where hope springs sternal; where each parole board appearance means a chance to get out, even if the odds are hopelessly against you.

Prison is a place where the flame in every nan burns low. For some, it goes out. But for most, it flickers weakly, sometimes flashing brightly, but never seems to burn as bright as it once did.

Prison is a place where you find gray hairs in your head, or where you find your hair starting to disappear. It’s a place where you get false teeth, stronger glasses and aches and pains vou never felt before.

It’s a place where vou grow old and worry about it.

Prison is a place you hate through clenched teeth; where vou want to kick, beat and scratch and you wonder if the psychologists know what they’re talking about when they sav that you actually hate your self.

Prison is a place where you learn nobody needs vou and the world outside goes on without you.

Prison is a place where you can go for months without feeling the touch of a lady’s hand, or hearing a kind word It's a place where friendship are shallow and you know it.

Prison is a place where you hear about a friend's divorce, and you didn’t even know that they were married. It’s a place where vou hear about your friend's kid’s graduating fro* school... and you thought they hadn’t started yet.

Prison is a place where you wait for a promised visit. When it doesn t come, vou worry about a car accident. Then vou find out the reason yoAir visitor didn't come, you're glad it wasn’t serious -- and disappointed that such a little thing could keep them away from coming and seeing you.

38

Prison is a place where you feel sorry for yourself, then you setdisgusted with yourself, then you get mad for feeling disgusted, then mentally try to change the subject.

Prison is a place where you are smarter than the parole board, because you know which guys will go straight and which ones won’t. You're wrong just as often as the board members are, but you never admit it-neither do they.

Prison is a place where you forget the sound of a baby’s cries. You forget the sound of a dog’s bark, or even the sound of true laughter.

Prison is a place where a letter from home, or from your lawyer, can be like a telegram from the war department. When you see it laying on your bed, you’re afraid to open it. But you do anyway, and usually end up disappointed or angry.

Prison is a die. It’s a grow fonder, man, instead

place where, ifyou’re married, you watch your marriage place where you learn that absence ooes not make the heart and where you stop claming your wife for wanting a real of a fading memory of one.

Prison is a place where you go to bed before you’re tired; where you pull the blanket over your head when you’re not cold. It s a place where you escape-- by reading, by playing cards, by dreaming or Dy going mad.

Prison is a place where you fool your seif: where you promise yourself you’ll live a better life when you leave. Sometimes you do; sometimes more often you don’t.

Prison is a place you will get out of someday. When you do, you wonder how everyone can remain so calm when you’re excited. When the cab driver goes over 25 miles per hour, you tell him to slow down, but you don’t, because you know it’s foolish.

AYA PEN

PALS

Each week we receive requests from prisoners who would like to correspond with men who are not incarcerated. In the past RFD offered a pen pal service for our brothers behind bars. The service was stopped when it became too hard to continue publishing the magazine and keep up with the pen pal program. Now that RFD is pub­ lished by a collective we are considering offering this service again, what we need to know is: are there readers who would like to correspond with prisoners: and is there someone who would like to coordinate the Drogram. We presently receive about ten letters a month from prisoners. Your feedback is crucial in our deciding to go ahead with this program. As one who handles a lot of the mail from prisoners, there is certainly a big need for them to stay in contact with the “outside".

P . UJ . ^ . —

A newsletter is available for prisoners with AIDS called the PWA - RAG. Published by Prisoners With AIDS Rights Advocacy Group, it features news pertinent to prisoners as well as letters, health notes and poetry. For your free copy or to make a tax. deductable donation write to Byron Merton 1AO7 E. Brady St. #520, Milwaukee, Wl 53202 or call A 14/277-0876.

CENSORSHIP We received a letter from a prisoner who has been trying to get approval for RFD to be sent to his prison. As to be expected he is running up against the institutional homophobia that is all too common with prisons. To date his actions have not been fruitful. He is asking that we write to Deputy Secretary David Bierton, Florida Department of Corrections, 131) Winewood Blvd., Tallahassee, FL 32399 protesting his denial of a gay publication solely on the basis of it’s content. Please write to help fight against another case of blatant homophobia.

Thanks for your consideration, St v

BOOKS

FOR

R . ^ . G .

PRISONERS

Prison Book Program sends progressive litera­ ture and basic educational materials to prison­ ers across the country. To donate books or for ■ore information write Prison Book Program, c/o Redbook, 92 Green St.. Jamaica Plain. MA 02130 39

WINTER PHOTOGRAPHY RICHARD THOMAS EDWARDS

Furthermore, the dampness in the air can have an effect on the quality of your images.

It is best, therefore, to protect all equipment in a variety of ways.

Snow!

Fresh white powder blankets everything.

Ice coats the trees and shrubs.

The light is bright and the world around shimmers.

If you are like me, c h a n c e s are good, by the time you see all of this, you are w r a p p i n g yourself up, grabbing the camera gear and head­ ing out the door.

C o n c e r n i n g you r film.

Place it in zip lock bags.

Mark one for expo s e d film.

The other for unexposed.

Keep the film in those plastic co n t a i n e r s , too.

This will p r o v i d e you w i t h double protection.

Seasonal changes make for exciting photographs whether you are at home or on the road travel­ ing.

The winter season, when the snow has just stopped falling and the white stuff hasn't been tracked up, sets the scene for you.

As for a c c e s s o r i e s , lenses and camera body, unless you are prone to taking nature shots on the move, it is wise to place each piece in a zip lock bag and carry the equipment in a cush­ ioned bag.

There are some c h a l l e n g e s that you are faced with.

If you know how to deal with them, you w i l l be a b l e to m a k e t h e r i g h t d e c i s i o n s , create the kind of effects you desire.

It is easy to slip and fall.

W h e n you have hundreds of dollars worth of equipment going down with you, the shock absorbency of a wellcushioned carrying bag may very well make the difference.

what are some of the challenges?

Well, if you have ever taken a color slide of a skier zig­ zagging down a mountain slope, your scene may not have turned out as you had expected.

The skier's face and body appears redder and dark­ er.

The sky is very blue and the snow looks like white cotton candy.

When you put your camera gear together, do some spot checks.

Bring along an extra battery just in case.

Do a battery check.

See if the front and rear elements of your lens/es need clean­ ing.

Bring along a small bottle of alcohol and cotton balls for the job.

The challenge here is understanding light, film c a p a b i l i t y and what you can do w i t h the m to create images that look as good as what you saw with your eye the day you took the image.

While you are taking pictures, should snow be s p r a y e d o n t o y o u r c a m e r a by a s n o w b a l l or skier, brush off the dry powder, wipe off the water from your camera body and lens and clean the lens with alcohol.

But before going into some photographic tech­ niques, you need to be concerned with the care of your equipment.

The winter season has its hazards for your camera, lenses and film.

Like winter clothing for you, your gear needs pro­ tection as well.

Not only do w a t e r spots not look pr e t t y images but they will also ruin your lens.

in

So much for the basics.

Now, let's talk about film s e lection.

If you ask any p h o t o g r a p h e r you know whom you think knows more about photo­ graphy than you concerning film, chances are good that p e r s o n is goi n g to tell you that a slow speed film is going to do a better job for you than high speed film.

Snow is water in frozen form as you well know.

Sounds too trite to m e n t i o n but some p h o t o ­ graph e r s do tend to forget this fact.

Water can ruin a camera, lens and those p r e c i o u s memories you captured on film.

This is true if you are going to make 16 by 24 inch pri n t s from slides, color or black and w h i t e n e g a t i v e films.

That p e r s o n will also tell you, c o n c e r n i n g the s e l e c t i o n of slide films, that Kodachrome is a better choice over Ektachrome.

Kodachrome tends to be warmer or redder in rendition than the bluer Ektachrome.

This e x p l a i n s why so m a n y images taken for skiing p u b l i c a t i o n s turn out so r ed d i s h in tonal quality.

My suggestion is to go with the high speed Ektachrome and throw in a couple of Afgachrome.

B e t w e e n 200 to 400 ISO will do well.

Why high speed versus slow speed?

Because you want to fool the film and the c a mera light meter.

In fact, you want 400 ISO to think it is 200 ISO. You wan t 200 ISO to think it is 100 ISO. 40

The auto flashes also work very well.

But you can soften up your normal flash with a piece of white cloth.

The effect is very pleasing.

If you want the golden gl o w of the fireplace and couple it with a pleasing portraiture, use Afgachrome, a piece of white cloth in front of the flash and bounce the light off the ceiling.

Shoot at what the F stop calls for by the flash and then open up the lens one, two and three stops respectively.

You will get what you want from one of the four exposures.

The same thing, but without the bounce, can be used to create dramatic sunset backdrop por­ traits and campfire images.

The idea is to use available light as the key exposure and adjust flash power or distance from the subject so the two seem natural and even. «

a

Why do you want to do that?

Your light meter is g o ing to guess an a v e r a g e e x p o s u r e higher than required to e x p o s e the film properly.

Snow is very reflective.

A b o u t 3 times what you would normally expose the film to.

That is why the sky is so blue and the skiers look so red.

W o n ' t this w a s h out the snow?

Yes it would.

But when you have the film developed, you are going to tell the counter person that the film was overexposed.

You want the film underdevel­ oped by a stop and a half or by 25 percent of the normal developing time.

What will this do for the images?

Quite a lot.

First of all, you are going to see some pleas­ ant results.

The images will come out mo r e realistic.

They won't be as contrasty and they will have just about as fine a grain pattern as those fine grain films have.

Skiers won't look like ink blots.

The sky will look more like the way you saw it and the snow will come out as it should.

Couldn't you do the same thing with a filter?

No. Your film is where the technique lies and not w i t h filters.

A p o l a r i z i n g filter will reduce your lens speed.

Unle s s you want a dramatic sky and are willing to give up shutter speed for the effect, a polarizing filter won't really help your winter images out that much.

What will help your winter images is the use of that Afgachrome.

If you like a pleasing me l ­ low-yellow (sorry Donovan) tint to your sun­ rises and sunsets over your snowy scene, this is the film that will create that effect with­ out the need of a filter.

You will also di s ­ cover it to be an effective film when shooting ice-coated plants and trees.

D o n't be afraid to exper i m e n t .

B a c k l i t ice circles and ice-coated trees, bushes and vege­ tation all appear to come out well when the light comes through the ice instead of being reflected by the ice.

Your flash will come in handy in at least two different situations when dealing with snowcoated scenes.

When you want to take a closeup image of a skier, spouse, friend or of the children, if you want the . Lcture to come out right, use your fill in flash.

If the backdrop tells you to shoot at 125th of a second and wide open F stop, then you adjust the flash lighting so that 125th at f 3.5 would expose the foreground subject.

This will dark­ en the background slightly but will create the type of effect you are looking for.

But be creative!

The above s i t u a t i on can be modified with the white cloth lighting tech­ nique, bring i n g the set shutter speed and F stop right on line with a perfect exposure of both foreground and background.

Try some scenics with black and white film.

Pannotomic-X exposed through a red and polariz­ ing filter can cre a t e some very d r a ma t i c ef­ fects.

Plea s i n g sunsets and s unrises can be c a p t u r e d on black and white film through the use of a yellow-orange filter.

All of these are creative ways in which you can express your feelings, show your personality on film and print.

With tools of the trade such as the ones mentioned, you will be able to meet the c h a l l e n g e s of w i n t e r pho t o g r a p hy.

Good luck! v

M L

M O L 1<B M*f

3>c n *r s

By C%AZ<y O W L Walnuts feed the 'Kidney Yin’ energies as the Chinese herbalists describe them. Among other effects the consumption of walnuts removes the bags under the eyes, a sure sign of ’Kidney Yin Deficiency.’

The English’ walnut is perhaps the most common of nuts currently eaten by Americans.

Each year at Christmas time we remove our fancy nut bowls from the top shelf in our kitchens, search out the nutcracker, then fill the bowl to overflowing. The ’English’ walnut is very popular, perhaps because it is so easy to crack and get the meat out. Except for hazelnuts and almonds, they are the simplest.

A few walnuts boiled briefly and eaten at bedtime make a wonderful ’sleeping pill’ too.

If you wake up at night to pee, this will likely stop too. However if you get up several times a night to pee, eating boiled walnuts may only reduce the number of times you set up. In this case it is time to change your diet to vegetarian and visit a Chinese herbalist.

Behind this simplicity lies a long history which is quite a surprise. First off, the nut came from Persia and not from England. From prehistoric times these nuts have been carried all over the world from China to England and America. For thousands of years the lowly walnut has been prized for its extraordinary nutritional values: it makes men's dicks hard.

So, if you wish to keep your dick hard and your cum lumpy, start eating walnuts. You might add hazelnuts (filberts) also: my personal experience is that they work much the same way. And feed then to your boy-friends too. Walnuts are also good for your women friends too but not with the same sexual

The Romans gave it the name Juglans which the modern botanists still use. Juglans, according to my botany, translates into ’Jupiter’s dick head because eating walnuts makes men horny.

The Chinese, who relish their male horniness, nave long used the Persian walnut to increase their virility and make their cum lumpy and fertile. Americans and Europeans with their sexual phobias seem to be the only people on Earth who are unaware of this use of walnuts.

The Chinese have listed walnuts in the pharmacopoeia for a few thousand years at

effects.

The common soft-shelled almond is one of my favorite herbals. Eaten regularly they help clean the lymphatic system, clear nasal and lung conjestion, and prevent constipation.

These properties have been known to Chinese and Western herbalists for a long, long time.

least.

When I get up in the morning with a bit of phlegm in my nose, throat or lungs, I put a few drops of almond flavoring in my breakfast food. I usually use Bitter Almond rather than the more common Sweet Almond although both are effective. Should you be badly conjested or constipated, take a few drops in a spoon and taste it. It will put your tongue in a dither and clear you out quickly.

So, if your cum has gotten thin and runny or simply quit, you may be able to tease it back into good health by eating about six walnuts daily between 3 and 5 o ’clock. Crack them youself and eat them fresh. If your health is otherwise good, you will get results in about six weeks more or less. If your body has given up sex because of ill-health, this will not work. You may have to start at the bottom and regain your health first.

I make my essential (4/5 pint this will essential years.

Black walnuts, the most common American walnut, are about the same as the Persian walnut. Butternuts or white walnuts also work well and are very delicious too, but are known only to farmers and mountain folk.

Bitte Almond flavoring from the oil: about 40 to 60 drops in a pint to be exact) of vodka. A pint of iast for a year. A half-ounce of oil used at this rate will last many

Bitter Almond is what makes Coke into Cherry Coke although they use synthetic stuff and not the real thing.

Eat them raw. Cooking always destroys something virtuous. Eat them on an empty stomach and give then an hour to digest before eating something else. Some food combining folks prefer to eat some seeds like sunflower or peanuts (organic, please1) or tahini at the same time to heip digestion.

Since almonds are really a peach, or peaches are really almonds, organic peach pits are good too. Please use only sweet ones though.

The bitter ones contain prussic acid, a cyanide compound which can be very poisonous.

42

Since almonds are really a peach, or peaches are really almonds, organic peach pi ts are good too. Please use only sweet ones though.

The bitter ones contain prussic acid < a cyanide compound which can be very po isonous.

Almonds are also nutritious in other ways such as proteins, vtamins, minerals and so forth.

It is best to eat them in the mornin g so that the lymphatic system can make best use of their herbal qualities.

Also, the smallest dab of essentila oil put on the tongue can clear up an asthma at tack. That dab of essential oil can ’blow your head off’ so don’t be eager with it. Remember, for regular daily use the essential oil needs to be greatly dilluted- 40 to 60 drops to the pint of vodka.

Sweet Almond oil--not essentila oil--is used in cooking, salads and makes a wonderful massage oil. Used as a bath oil it will keep your skin soft and supple and prevent the dry crinkly look that is part of the aging process.

Then there is always Marzipan paste, a condiment which is much used by fancy confectioners.

All nuts are best eaten raw. Once upon a time, farmers and country folk used to sit about in the winter eating the nuts collected in the woods. They lived long and lusty lives because nuts are extremely nutritious. In these times, we city folk sit about munching potato chips or peppermint drops which are almost nutrition free, then wonder why we are subject to colds, flus, bowl complaints and other modern diseases. If we ate more natural and organic food we probably wouldn’t have these problems.

If you don’t believe this, just go out and read old tombstones in country graveyards. You will find that the people died in infancy or in childbirth or in their nineties. The reasons are plain: organic food, unprocessed food and an ear 1 y-to-bed-ear1y-to-rise lifestyle. I’ll bet they slept with their windows open too.

I hope all of you are doing well and your fall hasn't been too cool or too wet.

I didn't get my column done for the fall issue because the due date was back in the summer.

At that time, I was busy with the garden.

All the corn and g r e e n b e a n s c a m e in at o n e t i m e and I was bustin' my buns trying to get it all canned.

But it was worth all the work knowing how good they're going to taste this winter along with the pickled beets, tomato sauce, pickles, and other things I got canned.

Now that the h a r v e s t s are beh i n d us and the cold weather has moved in, it's time to spend some time indoors and do some baking.

So, get that wood stove fired up and have the oven nice and hot.

I've got a couple of great recipes for you this time.

First, there's one for some honey cinna­ mon rolls which are great for b r e a k f a s t or a Sunday brunch.

The second recipe is one of my favorites.

It's for an applesauce cake.

I've been using this recipe for over 20 years now, and it always turns out good and gets compli­ ments.

It's one I adapted from one of Amy Vanderbilt's cookbooks back in the mid-60s.

I know you'll enjoy it as much as I have over the years.

Well, I hope all of you will try these recipes and have good luck with all your baking.

Stay warm, take care of yourselves, and be well.

So long until next time.

HONEY CINNAMON ROLLS 1/2 c.

1-1/2 pkg. yeast 3 Tbs. 1/2 c. warm water 2 1-3/4 c. flour 1/4 c.

1/2 tsp. salt cinnamon, honey, & chopped

Greetings everyone,

shortening honey eggs butter nuts

Dissolve the yeast in the 1/2 c. of warm water and set aside to activate.

While you're wait­ ing sift the flour and salt into a warm crock­ ery bowl.

Add the yeast and the shortening and mix.

Add the h o ney and eggs.

Beat at h i g h speed for two minutes.

Turn out on a floured board and knead until elastic.

Roll out into a rectangle and butter.

Drizzle with honey and s p r i n k l e w i t h c i n n a m o n and c h o p p e d n u t s .

Starting at one edge, roll it up like a jelly roll.

Cut it in p i n w h e e l slices of d e s i r e d thickness.

Place in a round baking pan and let rise in a warm, draft-free area until doubled in size.

Bake in a 375 degree F. oven for 20 min.

For a good topping, mix some honey with a little bit of warm water a-' 3 brush over the top of the rolls.

For an added touch to the glaze, sprinkle with some chopped nuts.

APPLESAUCE CAKE 1/2 c.

1-1/4 C.

2 1 c.

2 c.

1/4 tsp.

1 tsp.

1/2 tsp.

1/4 tsp.

1 tsp.

1/2 tsp.

1 C.

shortening honey eggs thick, unsweetened applesauce flour salt baking powder soda powdered nutmeg cinnamon powdered cloves raisins

Cream shortening and honey until smooth.

Add eggs and beat well.

Add a p p l e s a u c e and mix.

Sift the dry ingredients together and beat into the b a tter unt i l s m o o t h l y combined.

Add raisins and mix in thoroughly.

Pour the batter into a pan (I have used loaf, tube, bundt, and rectangle) and bake at 350 degrees F. for 45 to 60 min. until done.

This is a moist cake, so it will not be firm and springy as some cakes.

FRIDAY MORNING

poetry

PRELUDE

by Christopher Corbett-Fiacco how you come at me in little hours of the night, such accusations, questions

by Greg Zak Wake horny and stand before the mirror and brush my teeth, eyes wide and dark. Toothpaste foams, drips from my mouth.

I grin and pose fascinated by this body ripening in its musty dream.

Like an actor trying to remember his original face, it stands there to be recreated endlessly in my mind.

It lives so much in its appetite, yet containing its own tragedy, risks everything to bring forth its secret.

And blood streams over ineluctable bone and I perceive it is beautiful, each plane plaiting the next, archipelagoes of mated forms, with elephant feet.... pretending I am inside there, that the limbs bending there are holding me.

We live in each other's eyes.

(I disclose myself in code, never really thinking I can fool you), you who are a part of me I cannot lay at rest (as if I've tried).

Let me sleep awhile; I will hold in dream no secret. in the rain I hear you weep for my desires. in the morning you'll unburden me of silence. but for now it is enough to feel your eyes strip off my skin, enough to know your crippled gaze and listen to your cold wise admonitions.

TRYST

by Kelvin Beliele

YOUR LETTER

by P. Hammer, Jr. He is home to reset the clock, to rack the cup and fork.

He Joins another piece of the seascape puzzle.

No calls on the recorder.

No notes, lengthy or at all need an answer.

He talks of laundry to the yellowed Chinese ivy. Turns light on one dark corner of his bric-a-brac room.

He finds another chapter in some overrated thriller.

shimmering green feathers tiny and fragile he descends humming in my face his beak shyly touches my lips sticky syrup of soda pop he hovers above my torso his wings graze my nipples as no human lips can he lingers near my cock his beak dipping to sip a drop of thick clear man nectar then he is gone until next time spirit brother sweet winged lover

MAGIC

by Dan Eneman

One day he'll drop the line that reads: Yes, the jigsaw is complete.

My hours now strike the right number.

The tea kettle sings in the fire of my house.

Yes, I have opened your letter.

You undress my heart You unbuckle Unbutton Unhasp it Down to its bare threads.

Your fingers Sure, quick and steady as if greased Penetrate its parts apart And leave me unfashionable Bare Gorgeous Parading myI peeled heartâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; I shall never come to you again Clothed and chic in artifacts.

aa

CINNAMON MAN

by Michael Hathaway the last time i saw tracy it was spring/all six feet of him were sprawled in a pear tree his brown cinnamon form barely clothed in snug denim cutoffs he was smoking weed mutilating pear blossoms showering himself & me with the shredded white remains from the ground i asked him to climb down so he could get a secret from me/he howled like a moon-crazed werewolf/said that he was real busy at the moment i knew that but it didn't stop my wanting him it didn't stop my needing his wicked knockabout love it didn't stop me from nibbling the mangled blossoms off his dangling cinnamon feet

MR. BLUE WHALE IN SUNDAY SCHOOL

ANDREW

by Brother Slowponder Luggut, Deacon

by Alan Atkinson

Children, we've nothing to fear, for the Bible says, perfectly clear, that after we die, we go up and lie around about as human people.

Hey, Andrew, we made a deal.

He slides down morosely beside me.

His lithe body, raw hard cheeks, child's eyes.

So don't bawl and lurch, this water's a church, and that silly boat up there's merely the steeple.

"Want it like this, old man?"

Spits in my ear, on my lips.

So what if he hates me, he needs bread and bed.

I make love to him and for weeks to come.

People do lovely things all the day long, and I'm eager to join them in laughter and song.

THE RED CEDAR WOOD

by F.R.M. Schram

But he calls me fairy, steals my change, sneers at my poor nakedness.

Claims his parents want to see me.

Hasn't any.

Wants to scare me.

He does.

Wretched little kid's getting dangerous.

Next he'll threaten me with police.

Got to ditch him, back to the streets, him sobbing his head off.

Inside— Trunks, branches, twigs; Groins gothic, vaults, Shadowed spandrels at dusk.

Outside— Gargoyle gulls, Screeched trilling Assails the needled buttresses.

Heaven's my bed, but I do rather dread the dynamite charge in the top of my head.

Out there, despair.

Within, a peace.

WHILE LOOKING AT A PHOTOGRAPH OF BARBRA STREISAND IN LIFK MAGAZINE

Both got to pay for both playing it safe.

by Walta Borawski White lady in your white living room The deep fire glittering inside your thrift shop dresses is gone, gone

HISTORY IS MEMORY with the awkwardness of youth & legendary repertoire. There won't be obscure ditties sung in odd tempos,

by Darlene Moore (in response to a common heterosexual reaction to AIDS)

but meticulously 1aid-out rooms, innumberable houses, possessions in­ cluding The Gift, surfacing now

You insist it's not your plague, when t hat's exactly what it is.

in a set of polished performances, the artistry of composing a room, monotone, magistral, imposing in

You think it can't happen to you.

its lack of vibrant surfaces.

No red, but soft green glows outside your classic windows, gorgeous & un­

Like death.

expected, white jade's glow when held by an entrance to twilight. That you, raised in a tenement on the other ocean,

But death has always caught up with you.

the other side of vicious chance, could bring together all these shades of whiteness, pristine, unpenetrable (guarded

It's a plague.

Now it loves what "they" love to do.

not only by dogs & guns, but learned taste), your arms outstretched, Mine!, this world, you say, right, of course, controlled,

Give it time.

It will find something fitting for you.

perhaps cold, but unceasingly resonant as your voice, the vehicle of your fantasy ‘destiny

History repeats itself.

History is memory This is eternity.

a5

xi **

can pack up your wardrobe of threadbare excuses insincere sorrys and victimize some brand-new fool with them. are travelling my mind's highway on your way to oblivion, brother, it's all downhill on foot.

And I shall forever loathe the sight of Black velcro sneakers, plucked brows, and tatooed limbs.

And I shall distrust anyone who has even a part-time job And still no money to spend on Their damned selves when we go out.

I shall limit my dealings with anyone under 25 to Pats on the back, handshakes, and handsomely-paid campus lectures.

And if they tell me they find me attractive, Tell them they're either looking for a father figure or They've found a new drug That is clouding their judgment.

God help me to commit certain warning signals To memory, like the alphabet and the lyrics to Lady Day's greatest hits.

You And You And

With a suitcase of carefully selected Jive, You've bullshitted your way through bosses, beaus, Two sets of parents and all but the sturdiest of pals.

Rest homes around the nation are full of men prematurely aged Waiting for you to shuck your boyish charms and get real.

Lust, masochism, and self-deceit Bound me to you like a fly in a spider's web.

Reps of sugar-coated raps you copped From Black ghetto neighbourhoods you grew up in Snared me in a net of hallucinatory charm, Persuading me to believe your Every other word.

If lies caused tooth decay, You'd have a mouthful of dentures.

Your friendship's much too expensive And a more cost-effective model of you Has got to be on the horizon.

Once too often, You've stood me up without warning, Turning our few good times together into Colourful ingredients in a recipe for inconsistency.

Once again, You are not with me when you said you would be And when confronted tell Tales that would shame Scheherazade.

Once again, Your mouth has written a check that Your ass can't cash.

by David Frechette

THE JERSEY KID

You have not been a totally worthless adventure, You have inspired poetry In spite of yourself.

Think of this poem neither as a fond nor bitter farewell But as a process server who has just handed you Your walking papers.

Combing back streets and badlands in The spirit of the night, Racing through unfamiliar scenes and Dancing in the dark in search of Your replacement should prove a Herculean task Which I intend to attack con gusto And enjoy to the max.

And I shall curse the state of New Jersey For having to trek across state lines To find the same heartaches available Within New York's five boroughs.

No more meetings across the river to be Blinded by the lights of Jungleland.

uRQfln mneic

bn Bru Due The altar is a dark cloth spread on the floor in the center of the circle. Arrayed on it are a burning candle, an unlit cauldron, a bowl of salt, a bowl of water, and various objects (a bracelet, earrings, a photo, etc.) people have placed there to receive magical energy.

Surrounding the altar are colored swaths of chiffon. "ach person approaches the altar, takes a pinch of salt and sprinkles it over the water.

In her first book, The Spiral Dance, Starhawk wrote: "Salt and water are both cleansing elements... The ocean, the womb of life, is salt water, and so are tears, which help us purify the heart of sorrow." .,'hile salting the water, we share one of the qualities about city life that we like, such as the excitement, the cultural advantages, being able to find like-minded folk, etc. I say, "the flamboyance of the people." I grab a piece of bright green chiffon from the altar and keep it with me the rest of the day, dancing with it, draping it over one shoulder or both, wrapping it around my middle, or using it on my head like a prayer shawl.

For the longest time, I'm the only person who appears to be having any fun.

When I arrive at Starhawk's workshop on "Urban Magic," I am primed for intense spiritual work.

I have been feeling ambivalent about living in New York City, wondering if it’s time to break camp and move elsewhere.

Feeling alienated from the masochistic, success-oriented rat race, I hope ritual magic will provide a spiritual antidote. The workshop aims to explore ways of maintaining balance, harmony and inner peace while living in a city, "to help us re-envision the city as a place where we can find our inner power and use it to transform the conditions around us."

Not surprisingly, women taking the workshop out­ number men by more than four to one. j. am the only faerie. My outfit: an ice green and white floral-patterned skirt over black sweatpants, a purple pullover cotton top, and appropriately simple pink, black and green jewelry— easy to move in, yet faerie ostentatious.

If I ’m going to wear anything at all while doing ritual, a comfy skirt is my garb of choice.

Starhawk, a peace activist, feminist, author and witch, is an unpretentious woman with a mane of dark hair and a gentle, full face. Having just recently had the flu, she is a bit low-key. We begin with some stretching, breathing and vocal warmups. We ground the circle.

From Starhawk's latest book, Truth or Dare: "To ground means to connect with the earth, with our own centers, with the forces around us and the people who share our ritual. To be grounded also means to be in a particular energy state, calm and relaxed, yet alert; aware of both your own in­ ternal energy and the group’s energy." We breathe deeply, down through our bodies, imagining that we have roots that push down through the floor, down five flights to the street, down through the mass of concrete, down past the subway's maze, down to the land that underlies the city, all the way down to the earth’s core of fire. We breathe the energy up from the fire, back through our bodies, up out of the tops of our heads, up like branches that reach for the sky, for the sun. Our roots run from the heart of the earth to the heat of the sun and circle back to earth again.

Next, we call the powers of the four directions.

These correspond to "our basic life-support systems of air, fire, water and earth," as well as to times of day, animals, qualities, etc.

As we face each direction, people call out what­ ever that direction brings to mind. My associations are East/purple r~ountains; South/ childhood (I grew up in Tennessee); West/land of enchantment; and North/aurora borealis.

Starhawk speaks about how it seems a contra­ diction to her that, in rituals, urban pagans (including herself) almost always call to mind pristine rural images. Historically, however, most progressive social movements have arisen from the cities. There has to be a way to reclaim the urban landscape for the goddess.

She points out that, while worshiping a full pantheon, cities used to have a particular goddess (or god) associated with them. An obvious example is Athens and the goddess Athena.

What goddesses or gods do we associate with New York City? I suggest Erie, Greek goddess of chaos. Others suggest Kali, Indian goddess of time; Oshun, the Yoruban goddess of love; the Yoruba trickster, Legba; and the Greek god of the underworld, Hades, who must surely rule the vast labyrinth of the subways.

(Instead of seeing the subways as frightening, as many of us do, one man perceives the tunnels to be a vast web under the city.)

Finally, one woman invokes the Statue of Liberty. Many in the group are drawn to the idea of reclaiming Liberty from the "patriots" (a word that derives from the same root as "patriarchy.") We imagine Liberty truly free, jumping off her pedestal, throwing off her crown, waving a torch of real fire, robes billowing in the wind instead of solid, her body alive and supple rather than rigid.

an

Starhawk asks us to find two other people we feel comfortable with and form a group of three.

No sooner do I stand up than two guys are drawn right to me. I'm sure it's the spiritual power of the skirt. One man organizes for the Greens, a radical ecology group. The other works in community housing. Both are straight. To be honest, I would prefer to be with women.

Starhawk beats a doumbek, a small drum from the Near last she has slung over one shoulder so that it tucks under her arm. The three of us hold hands and visualize walking through the city on an ordinary day. What do we experience?

What do we encounter? What is the challenge to us about transforming what we see?

I visualize myself hitting the streets in the same faerie drag I'm wearing at the workshop.

Assaulted by the grime and the noise and the greyness, I'm the rare splash of color. A home­ less man entreats me for spare change, hand out­ stretched.

I know he has AIDS, before he even tells me. Giving him money doesn't make me feel any better. After all, he'll remain on the street because the homeless problem is systemic.

Continuing on, I encounter another homeless person. And another. Though I'm confronted by neediness, I flaunt my right to take pleasure in my thrift store drag. Free drag for everyone!

In my heart's fire, I alchemize spiritual strength, political activism and tribal flamboy­ ance into a magical blend that will be my own personal way to transform the city. That is my challenge.

We become one large circle again, clasping the hands high of the person on either side. Bach person in the circle reveals what their particular challenge is. After each, we affirm their acceptance of the challenge with a shake of our linked, upraised hands and a shout of "ache!" (pronounced ah-SHAY), the Yoruban word for personal power, roughly meaning "power to you."

We dance and sing: We We We We

are are are are

the the the the

power in everyone dance of the moon and sun hope that cannot hide turning of the tide

We then raise a cone of power, meaning the group's energy harmonizes and focuses. We draw power up from the earth.

It becomes a long, sustained sound. Raising our arms, we let the energy go. It peaks and washes back over us like a fountain. We reach down and ground the energy, letting it flow back to the city.

Since it is time for a lunch break, we release the goddesses and gods we have called so they can hang out for a while.

I'm a bit disappointed in the low intensity of the ritual. Hind you, I'm used to outrageous faerie rituals.

Bvfen allowing that a workshop is done with strangers and is carefully structured, there is a definite inhibitedness and lack of spontaneity on the part of most of the participants.

During the break, people network.

I chat with three women and a handsome young man. One woman is young and round and friendly.

Silver jewelry dangles all over her. I take to her immediately. The second woman is about forty, wears glasses, has a strong New York accent and a genuinely questioning mind. The third woman is in her late 60's.

She doesn't say much at first, but later speaks one-to-one with me about her lifelong spiritual quest.

She has found personal release in her discovery of the goddess and in her involvement with the m o d e m feminist movement.

She compliments me on my ability to listen.

The man is in his late 20's, stereotypically "masculine," in good shape.

Dressed all in black, a silver pentacle on a chain around his neck and a pentacle ring are his only adorn­ ments. He is a "solitary," a witch who doesn't belong to a coven. He does his nude rituals alone (alas!), although sometimes his cat climbs on the altar. Apparently, his wife isn't really into witchcraft.

He dominates the conversation somewhat, boasting that he does more housework than his wife and that he reads his witchcraft books right on his job as a machinist and no one gives him a hard time about it. He questions why women ever need to meet separately from men; as far as he is concerned, they are cutting themselves off from the wholeness that comes with the energies of women and men.

Don't women realize that the soul is universal? At that, one of the women and I exchange looks.

You know that "we're tired of humoring straight, white men who talk about what's universal" look.

I point out to him that, as much as needing to get away from men, women need to get to the power and mystery within themselves, which is tough to do in the presence of men. He still doesn't see it, and goes on about it. I wonder why he is here.

It strikes me afterwards that the women are of three different generations, seeming to repre­ sent the three traditional aspects of the goddess— maiden, mother and crone. The garrulous but virile young man could be the traditional horned god. Unaware as he is, I'd be happy to blow his horn!

(I do have problems with the heterosexist nature of these traditions, especially any emphasis on women as child bearers.)

After a brief, post-lunch "ritual nap" to re­ focus our energies, we dance and do a circle chant. Then we pair off. I again find myself with Greg, the community housing activist. We are to visualize a safe space, a place where we feel some personal power. At first, I see my­ self at home, but then switch to the Lesbian and Gay Community Center here in the city. I've become fond of that place, run-down though it is.

It's lively and it's ours. As we venture from this safe space out into the city, we are to encounter a "helper"; this helper can be a person, animal, plant, mythical being, whatever.

I have a power animal, or guardian spirit, that was retrieved for me from the lower world during a shamanism workshop (with Blanche of Short Mountain).

My helper during this visualization turns out to be my power animal, a chimpanzee, whom I call on in times of distress.

I don't even have to consciously call, but if needed, my power animal is suddenly there in my arms.

Starhawk: "Encounter something fearful on the city street. What is your response? The response of your helper?"

I am walking quickly home late at night. The streets are deserted.

as

I pass a dark park. I am alert, checking in every direction, especially at street corners.

I'm an animal in the jungle of the city. Am I being stalked? I sniff the air for the scent of predators. My power animal rides on my shoulders.

Suddenly a dark, shadowy man is in front of me. He doesn't make a move, just blocks my path. Is he a mugger? A fag basher?

My own paranoid, racist nightmare? My self?

The night seems to close in around me, sealing off any escape.

I am extremely aware of the sexual difference between us. Around Busan's breasts and, in particular, around her genitals 1 feel an intensification in her aura.

I recall what Btarhawk has called "the song of the vulva"; it is singing through Susan's aura.

I have never felt sexual towards women; I have never actually had sex with a woman. ..hat I am feeling is not a desire along those lines. But I do feel the awakening of a curiosity about women's bodies.

I feel the desire to explore a woman's body and, I suppose, have her explore mine, without feeling pressure that our activities must culminate in sex. Perhaps I'm being unrealistic.

But I am quite surprised and intrigued by the energy I feel from Susan.

In her book, Star Toman, Lynn V. Andrews records these words of Agnes whistling Slk: "I am teaching the ways of an escape artist, how to remove yourself from your own delusions.

For a woman there are many predators.

I am teaching you more than simply how to run and hide.

I am teaching you how to make your stand."

Luring the shielding part of the exercise, one person visualizes, the other person observes the visualizer for a change in their aura. Then we switch roles.

We imagine ourselves, as at the beginning of the day, being a tree of life, energy going down through our feet and up out of the tops of our heads. But we are to enclose our aura in a dense thicket of leaves and branches, some sort of living, protective foliage, i imagine being wrapped in gigantic green elephant leaves. The sunlight makes the inner walls bright through the leafy green mem­ branes.

I feel very snug and safe, like be infin a cocoon. But the drawback: I can't see out. After opening up our shields, we relate our experiences.

We both sensed a shrinking of each other's aura.

On that dark city street, my power animal gives me the gift of a rainbow flag. Abruptly and miraculously, I'm striding through the city in the sun, holding the flag aloft. All types of people pour into the streets with me, sexy and proud. The streets become jammed and festive, as if it's Mardi Gras. bear my gift back to the Lesbian and Gay Center, which has trans­ formed into a sacred queer temple where faerie shamans and amazon witches weave and strengthen the web of our tribal world. The safety I feel at the Center radiates outward to the entire city. To Oz. We're a peaceful, colorful, raffish, raggle-taggle, lovely, liberating galaxy of queers.

We then bring the shield back into place, still taking turns as visualizer and observer.

But this time we imagine our helpers from the earlier exercise there with us. The partner observes any change in the aura.

Well, when my personal power animal, the chimpanzee, joln3 me, amazing strength immediately surges through rny body. Dazzling light radiates from my chest, the place in my body from which my inner power has always most eminated. Being a Leo, I'm not surprised that my power manifests itself as heat and light. My leafy shield peels open.

1 could almost rocket into the sky. The world around me glimmers with the rich green I have seen from inside my shield.

The wind blows through me. Like ./hitman, "1 contain multitudes."

I'm stronger than ever. Busan says she felt a tremendous change in my aura: it greatly expanded and crackled with highvoltage energy.

The next exercise is on "shielding," a method of protecting ourselves from hostile forces.

Susan is my partner this time.

(At last, a woman!)

We sit cross-legged facing each other, knees touching.

She has beautiful soft wrinkles around her eyes. We smile broadly at each other at first, due to the vulnerability we feel gazing into the eyes of a stranger. Holding a hand in front of our own mouths, we each feel our breath. We slowly move our hands outward to "feel the very edge" of our breath, to find the place where it ends. But we are sitting so close together, our hands almost touch between us. Then we feel the edge of our partner's breath, the place where it's just a slight brush of air.

"The edge of your breath is very close to the edge of your aura, the body of energy that surrounds you." We move our hands around our partner's body, exploring where we feel the edge of our partner's aura to be. V/e share with each other what we feel: our auras are warm, amber, soft. Other people find their partner's aura spiky, spongy, many different things.

The entire circle comes together to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of shielding.

It's vital that we be able to protect ourselves emotionally and psychically, but to shield means to block some beneficial things along with the harmful things. The exercise introduces us to a helpful technique of shielding and then empowers us to release the shield.

(We also need to experiment with techniques of "filtering" that would let through beneficent energies.)

After a short question and answer period, Starhawk lights the cauldron on the altar.

Once again singing "we are the power in everyone" and linking hands, we begin the spiral dance, a dance to the cycles of life, the rhythms in our own bodies, the continuous stream of life and death, the changing of the seasons, the waxing and waning of the sun and moon.

P E T E * COOK

Archlt*<tw r*

Action

P U i»“

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As we wind around, we search for the eyes of the people opposite us as we pass.

Eventually the circle becomes motionless and closes around the Continued on Page 58

Support the Resistance Conspiracy Case:

An Open Letter to the Progressive Community The Contra war...the invasion of Grenada...increasing racist attacks... more violence against women, lesbians and gay men here in the U.S....

The U.S. government wants us to "forgive and forget" those responsible for these crimes.

Yet some activists who opposed these crimes now face life in prison. . .

One of Ed Mccsc s Iasi actions before leaving the Justice Department was to order the indictment of six long-time political activists on charges of protesting U.S. domestic and international policies through "violent and illegal means.”

Like oilier recent political trials, U S . v. IVhiiehorn, et. al., Cl he Resistance Conspiracy Case) targets domestic opponents of illegal practices such as the contra war against Nicaragua and the invasion of Grenada. The investigation of these defendants is linked to the recent illegal FBI investigations of C1SPF.S and the Central America solidarity move­ ment. Like them, it’s characterized by massive FBI misconduct and illegality.

Die six Alan Bcrknian, 1im Flunk, Manlyn Buck. Linda Evans. Susan Rosenberg, and L^iura Whitchom —are charged with being part of a network of groups that claimed responsibility for bombings of government and military buildings in 1983-85. including the 1983 bombing of the U.S. Capitol after the invasion of Grenada. No one was injured in any of these actions Ilie government makes no claim to know who actually carried out the bombings. Rather, it wants to convict the defendants by proving that they shared a “common purpose” of resisting illegal U.S. war crimes: “guilt by political association.”

Die government has already jhji these defendants through fourteen separate political prosecuuons. Five of the defendants arc already serving sentences of up to 70 years. The sixth has been held in preventive detention for 2 Vi years. This April, the trial judge dismissed all charges against three of the defendants on the grounds of doublejeopardy, but the Justice Department has vowed to fight the decision.

Die government wants to stage a show trial to have a chilling effect on activisLs. It uses the guise of security to create an atmosphere of fear and intimidation to make a fair trial impossible. A bulletproof plexiglass wall in the courtroom separates the defendants from their families and supporters. Surveillance cameras in the courtroom arc trained on defendants arid spectators.

Dii' is political persecution, not a criminal prosecution. The targets arc people who have shown a deep commitment to human rights and social justice over many years. There may be pohucal disagreements among us, but wc arc all part of the community of people in the U.S. who have op-posed and tried to slop the murderous, inhumane and illegal pr;* ticcs of the Reagan administration. Ihc dclcndants in this case, like the other pol-itical prisoners in this country, need to be returned to our communities and not disappear into the pnson system. We must lend our voices and support to ensure their nghts —and thereby our own. We ask you to join in a campaign to halt this vindictive prosecution.

Stopping this last proscc ution brought by Reagan and Mocse can be an important step in dismantling tlieir legacy of a politicized criminal justice system and resurgent FBI. • Drop this politically motivated indictment • Slop preventive detention/Release Laura W hitebom on bail • Remove the bulletproof wall and surveillance cam eras from the courtroom

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Please add my name to the “Open Letter.” ____ Please send more information about the case.

■ Enclosed is a contribution of:__ $25 __ $50 __ $100 __ S (Make checks payable to: Emergency Committee for Political Prisoners)

I Name (Please print) __________________ _ j Title/Orgamzation____________________ _______ I Address ____________________________________ . City ___________________ State___ Zip________ | Phone________________________ __ __________

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50

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(Clip and mail to: Emergency Cmtc. for Political Prisoners P.O. Box 28191. Washington, D.C. 20038-8191)

convincing, although Evans's use of Christian scripture is questionable: he does not sufficiently interpret biblical quotations.

The conclusion confronts the Dionysian brain-emotion-body integration with American society and Gay culture. this final essay becomes a quasi-religious call for Dionysian values in modern society.

In support of his appeal, Evans cites personal experiences with the Radical Fairie movement as examples of seeking personal integration and spiritual values in the 80's. The boldness of the chapter makes it all the more apparent that the chapter diverges from the rest of the book. The essay itself also falls flat, since Evans is a scholarly writer and not a revival preacher or cultural critic.

The G°d of Ecstasy: Sex-Roles and the Madness of frionysos

by Arthur fevans St. Martin's Press, 1988 175 Fifth Ave. NYC, NY 10010 *19.95 hard; *8.95 soft 286 pages

Reviewed by Audrius Dundzila

The appendix is a modern translation of The Bacchae by Evans himself.

By providing a translation, Evans indirectly urges the reader to read the play alongside Evans's interpretation.

The book is enjoyable and easy to read, save for the occasional lists of facts.

As with Evans's previous work, W itchcraft and Gay Counterculture, the reader who knows nothing will learn and understand much. The speicalist will likewise find useful information and enticing interpretations.

The book is unique since it is one of the few works that offers a history of Dionysian tradition. And it is the only book that does so with a Gay perspective.

Arthur Evans's God of Ecstasy proceeds from a convincing femini st reading of Euripides's play The Bacchae to a well-researched developmental analysis of the Dionysian character.

Evans focuses on Dionysus's various conflagrations of gender, which include homosexuality, effeminacy, transvestitism and the disparity between the physical, mental and emotional.

Evans also explains the relevance of Dionysian values for modern America.

Curzon in Love by fianiei Curzon 1988; paperback; &8.50 232 pps.

Knights Press Box 454 , Pound Iiidge, NY 10576.

Evans's treatment of Euripides's Bacchae is exquisite and refreshing.

He interprets the play's allusions to sex, homosexuality and machismo within historical context, using feminist literary criticism. But he cautiously avoids controversy, thus weakening his critique of patriarchy.

Reviewed by L. E. Ward Daniel Curzon has written books and plays; the previous one 1 had heard of was "Something You Do in the Dark."

The bulk of the book traces the historical development of Dionysus and his characteristics from the Pre-Indo-European Great Goddess religion to the Greek Dionysus, the Roman Bacchus and even the Judeo-Christian Jesus.

Evans's sources include some of the most fascinating, important and sometimes controversial mytho-archaeological studies currently available.

Evans's history of Dionysus also compares dionysus to Indian and other mythological systems, but these brief digressions are superficial.

Also, the reader must plow through catalogues of facts that are n°t effectively integrated into Evans's argument, but do, somehow, support it.

Instead lists of evidence, two or three citations would have sufficed.

"Curzon in Love" is a novel, or collection of three, interrelated long stories, about the author and his relationships with three other men.

In terms of concept, it owes a debt to John updike's "Bech" books of a few years back; and to Truman Capote's 1960's conception of a "non-fiction novel." Like Hemingway in "A Moveable Feast," Curzon states, "This is a novel, and the facts are not to be taken literally."

I've reached the point, I think, where fiction usually seems fit, or intended, only for those who prefer it to non-fiction, pom-videos, or mainstream-television.

There is a good deal of both timely wit and wisdom in Curzon's writ­ ing.

It isn't for the ages.

It aoounds with intentional stereotypes and put-ons; but every few paragraphs, a totality of gay experiences (complicated feelings and reflections) breaks through, as does genuine eros-- when for in­ stance, his first lover "Jer," climaxes in Curzon's mouth, making ecstatic cries of "1 love you!"

Evans devotes an entire chapter to the Dionysian elements in Christian mythology and European history.

Again Evans very carefully avoids provocation.

However, his basic notion that Christianity created Christ using Dionysian characteristics is in itself a confrontational thesis.

The essay is

51

Before the Stonewall, gay fiction was rather grim-faced and grimaced, but I sometimes miss its seriousness, when I encounter the post1970' a picaresque tradition.

"Curzon in Love" mixes satire, ebullience, regret, social real­ ism, madcap fantasy, and off-and-on engaged with the best of them. Yet it often seems its author could do better than this. Judging him by what he has done, his novel is light, af­ fectionate, occasionally funny.

His asideB sometimes have the element of truth: "Gays are merely human. That's all I want to say. Of course that in itself may be enough to condem them."

"My body, my juices are dictation all this, not my brain.

I'm enslaved to the rambunctious liquid that must get out, must get out!"

Between grim reality and beautiful fantasy, "Curzon in Love" walks a middle-line; takes a middle-course.

It is as amiable and incon­ sequential, as a daydream— but one with occa­ sional servings of insight, and talent. Some­ thing like gay Pat Sajak, or Johnny Carson.

THE NATURAL DEPTH IN HAN

by Wilson Van Dusen Harper & Row, 1971 10 E. 53rd Street New York, NY 10022 Hard/soft cover? 216 pp.

Reviewed by Ken Kildore I recently came across this e x t r a o r d i n a r y little book in a used book shop.

I don't know whether it's still in print, but it is suffi­ ciently valuable that I'd like other folks to be aware of it.

KFD is happy to announce a new Editorial Depart­ ment----MUSIC! And our new Volunteer Depart­ ment Editor, GLEN MITKOFF, from Wisconson.

It is not a "gay" book, per se, but it does address a topic which finds a lot of interest among RFD readers: "spirituality?" although it might be more truly term ed "the quest of the self."

A number of things make this book author's insight being c apital Add ressing the reader almost as conversation, he enjoins us in how be experiencing ourselves when we book, and invites us on a seamless the center of ourselves.

At the end o f the Short Mtn F a ll F r o l i c I found myself in a conversation about music making at our gatherings which led to the suggestion that I coordinate a music section for RFD.

special, the among them. if in casual we happen to pick up the descent into

The form that I en vis io n has 2 parts - a "how to" sec tion and a c l i p - o u t song sheet to become the RFD S0NG800K.

On the way, w e ' r e i n v i t e d to o u r s e l v e s by watching our own thou g ht s form as the psyche relent le ssly and i n s t a n t a n e o u s l y s y m b ol i z es itself.

After an intriguing look at our expe­ riencing of others, we are led step by gentle step into the realm of the u n c o n s c i o u s and then, finally, to mystical experience.

S o . . . i f you have any ideas on song le a d in g , in s t r u ­ ment making, creatin g jam se ssio n s; i f you know o f valuable reso urce s, have a song or chant you'd l i k e to share, or even want a tape or record reviewed, write to: Glenn M i t r o f f , music e d i t o r , RFD. Help kick o f f the RFD S0NG800K by submitting words ( and music i f necessary) to your f a v o r i t e chants and songs.

If the subject matter sounds heady and diffi­ cult, rest assured, The Natural Depth in Man is easily read and easy to follow.

Of the h u n ­ dreds of books I've read, if I was allowed to choose only one to recommend, this one would come very close to the top of the list.

I look forward to hearing from you.

52

RFD prints contact letters free of charge. We also provide a free forwarding service for readers who prefer not to publish their address.

Donations, however, are greatly appreciated.

We ask that your letters be brief (under 200 words) and positive in stating your pr ef erences.

Saying NO to a particular trait or characteristic may unnecessarily offend a brother.

RFD assumes no responsibility for claims made in the letters, and we urge correspondents to exercise caution, especially with any financial dealings.

For responses from prisoners we advise contacting Joint Venture, P.O. Box 26-8484, Chicago, IL 60626, before replying.

Dear RFD Brothers— The w a v e s b r e a k , t h e t i d e flows in, the sea-salt breeze picks up and I stand back and just let it all be.

No, I'm not at Malibu, M yrtl e or Miami--it's ROCKAWAY, just 1 hour f r o m M a n h a t t a n .

This ocean paradise in the city is my lovely o a s i s - - b u t I need friends to share it with.

I'm a young hip gay professional/ activist/novelist with a full life in the city, but I'm a bit isolated at home.

I can host a g o o d f r i e n d or just enjoy the contact with other water-loving gay men.

I'm a r a d i c a l f a e r i e too, w i t h a strong spiritual dimension in all my l i f e ' s w o r k .

Would love to d evel op new friendships/relationships.

Can send p h o t o if y o u d e s i r e - - 2 8 , 5'10", 145 lbs., great shape (I swim like a fiend!), brown hair, green/brown eyes, smart, subtle sense of humor, love writing letters, have lots of good energy, often feel very sexy.

S ince re replies only!

PS— I may also have a room for rent in a b e a u ti ful 2BR apt right on the beach.

Write for details.

DAVID/BIRD 148 Beach 94th St. Apt. 2 Rockaway Beach, NY 11693

Hello.

I am l o o k i n g for friends who are interested in similar things as I am.

Wiccan/new age spirituality, good h e a l t h , and a g e n e r a l o p e n i nterest in all p h i l o s o p h i e s of life.

I live and work in the Po'keepsie-Newburgh area of s o u t h e a s t e r n New York.

I hope there are other gay p a ­ gans or similar types who may writ e to me.

I am "thirtysomething"— not into "yuppiemoney-driven-mentalities," and w o u l d l i k e to c o n t a c t / m e e t others of a similar ilk.

I am dark blond, mustache, greyblue eyes, 131 lbs. (enough statistics?)— anyway— I also, run and work out r e g u l a r .

W r i t e s o o n - - s e n d p h o t o if possible!

Bob Dorn 177 Grand St. Newburgh, NY 12550

Dear Brothers, I am a man in my 40s (6', 150 lbs.), seeking another middle a g e d m a n w ho w o u l d l i k e to share a country lifestyle.

I live in the country, a beauti­ ful p i c t u r e s q u e area located in u p s t a t e / c e n t r a l New York, b e t we en Alba n y and Syracuse.

As an e n t r e p r e n e u r , I am a comb honey beekeeper.

Comb honey b eek e e p i n g is an old53

time craft that is now being revived and I'm excited to be part of it.

Some of my other interests are growing herbs and vegetables (flowers, too).

I se e a s p e c i a l m a r k e t for these also.

I s t a r t e d out (grew up) in a large city so I know how to dress up and do business or have fun there too w h e n the o c c a s i o n a r i s e s .

However, I'm happie s t living in the country with nature.

A recent photo will get mine in return.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely, Dennis c/o RFD/60* I

Dear RFD, I a m an a r t i s t ( l a n d s c a p e painter) come full-circle back to my rural roots, settling down on 10 acres of mounta in land next to S h e n a n d o a h N a ­ tional Park in Virginia.

I'm 6'2", 208 lbs., sandy hair, blue eyes, muscular, ruggedly handsome, and a "young" 40.

Was a competitive bodybuilder y e a r s a g o a n d I ’m s t i l l a f i t n e s s / h e a l t h f a n a t i c and pride myself on my proportions a n d m u s c l e tone.

B e i n g so body oriented myself, I'm a t t r a c t e d to m e n w h o a r e geared much the same way.

I'm a masculine but very sensitive

person, and am learning how (finally) to be open and vul­ n e r a b l e with those I care about.

I've got a good sense of humor but I'm often very quiet and reflective.

Looking for someone who shares my love of the outdoors, e s p e ci a ll y the mountains.

I have a rev­ erence for nature which is my spiritual base and guide, not to ment ion my inspir a ti on as an artist.

My other interests i n c l u d e folk and c l a s s i c a l music, archeology, and a n i ­ mals.

If interested plea se include photo with your let­ ter, and I will reciprocate.

S.H.W. P.0. Box 353 Washington, VA 22747

G r e e ti ngs from the mount ai n s of so uth we s t e r n Virginia.

I am a sincere, honest, s e n s i ­ tive warm-hearted, relation­ s h i p - o r i e n t e d W/M 43, 6 '4 " , 225 lb., salt-and-pepper, brown "bedroom" eyes, black m o u s t ac he and beard.

I am a n o n s m o k e r , not int o d r u g s , social drinker, affectionate, enjoy conversation, photogra­ phy, music, movies, plants, arts, theatre, walks, cats, ceramics, c o l l e c t i n g teddy bears and clowns, reading, and enjoying life.

I have had the opportunity to do an "Experi­ ence Weekend."

I am an h o n ­ est, loving, warm, sincere, hardworking, passionate, clean, openminded and HIV neg.

I am not into head games.

I want to meet a m a s c u l i n e man in his late 20's to late 40's; looking for someone to build a bonding monogamous relation­ ship: f r i e n d s f i r s t.

I am very romantic, sexually adven­ turous, safe, spontaneous and quite capable of monogamy.

I would like the men to be in­ telligent, bearded, husky, clean, adult, honest, loving.

If interested, please write or call me, include a photo if you w i s h ...

Peace.

J. Michael Guzi P.0. Box 4163 Roanoke, VA 24105 (703) 342-3103

I am a GWM and like so many other gay men, I am lonely and d e s i r e to c o r r e s p o n d w i t h other men regardless of their race, location or desire.

I welcome all so write and begin a friendship that may develop into somet h i ng else.

I love garden, m u s i c and c o u n t r y life.

Will answer all correspondence.

John P.O. Box 180 Peterstown, WV 24963

existent.

Going to Atlanta is no longer e n j o y ab l e for one who enjoys the sensitive life at a slow pace not wanting to j u m p on e v e r y o n e ' s b o n e s .

Much of my free time is spent grading papers; however, I do make time for friends.

They are important to me.

David Johnson P.O. Box 1297 Cleveland, GA 30528

RFD Readers, I am white male, like to meet or hear from other gay men.

I am lonely and d e s i r e to c o r ­ respond with other men regard­ less of their races, location or desires.

I like to hear f r o m B l a c k or W h i t e m e n in area of Huntington, W.Va. and Ripley, W.Va. and my area.

I love to go to movies, bowling, horseback riding, walking, go nude around the house, want to learn about raising horses and mini-horse, am partly deaf but using hearing aid, accept what you are and have also accepts me what I am and have inside and outside.

I like to hear from someone who is interested in r e l a t i o n s h i p or b e i n g friends.

I hope to hear from you.

If you want to ask me any questions, p l e a se do.

I will answer them.

Rodney C. Straight 815 Jefferson Street Spencer, WV 25276

I ' m 64, f i t a n d h e a l t h y , tanned, 5'9-l/2", 184 lbs., blue eyes, b l ac k / g r a y hair, and I enjoy the great outdoors and the great indoors too!

I write, sketch, sunbathe, like to be thought of as humorous, considerate, imaginative, s e n s ua ll y warm and talented ...with sensitivity.

It would be nice to hear from gay men w h o b e l i e v e in c a r i n g a n d gentleness.

Alan c/o RFD/60

Hello, My n a m e is D a v i d a n a t i v e Georg i a n with a Midwe s t e r n sound.

I am 5'4" tall, weigh 145 pounds, have a good sense of humor, and enjoy laughing and maki n g peop l e laugh.

I teach college in a small north Georgia community.

While living in a small community is what I choose, a social life is, for the most part, non54

G W M , 34, 1 7 0 l b s . , 5 ' 10 " , seeks GWMs 18-48 who live near Morristown, Tennessee, which is 40 m i l e s n o r t h of K n o x ­ ville.

I am about 30 miles from Dollywood and Gatlinburg, and near the great Smoky Moun­ tains, so if you are planning to v i s i t , l e t m e k n o w a n d p e r h ap s we can get together.

I like honest, h a rd - w o r k i n g men who love life and like to have fun.

Send me a photo of y o ur s e l f if possible.

I can return it if you need it back.

Jeff Anderson P.O. Box 3178 Morristown, TN 37815

Bi-gay contacts.

Names/phone n u m b e r s / a d d r e s s e s . SASE for info.

Roger Spicer.

Roger's list P.O. Box 954 Louisville, KY 40201

Dear Friends, I l o o k e d at the k e y s of my t y pewriter long and hard b e ­ fore putt i n g these few words together to say that nearly thirty years of life have left me stable as an earthy potter, but without the daily partner­ ship of a man who understands the need for trees, poetry, music, long m o rn i n g s sharing in b e d , h e a l t h f o o d , g o o d humor, and love.

This is the start.

Robert R. Finch 1313— 12th Street, NW, #1 Canton, OH 44703

GWM, 23, 5'8", 1404, HIV neg, h a n d s o m e to many, energetic and involved in radical poli­ tics.

Creative, spontaneous, p o s t - M ar x i s t, s u pp o r t i v e of f e mi n i s m but tired of earth mothers and separatists, look­ ing for new roles and options for men s t ru g g l in g with sex­ ism.

I'm definitely a utopian

thinker but don't trust easy solutions and am c o m p l et e ly unimpressed with the New Age "movement."

I am n o t i nt o Norman V ince nt Peale or the age of lowered exp e ctations.

Interested in ecolo g ic a l and A I D S a c t i v i s m (a la E A R T H F I R S T ! Sc A C T U P ! ) , a n d in s t r u g g l e s for j u s t i c e and liberation around the world— and also in what h appens to them in U.S. prisons.

I am an avid consumer of Post-Modern & P o s t - S t r u c t u r a 1 ist Theory (esp. Foucault & Baudrillard), am co ns t a n t l y reading snooty l i t e r a t u r e by o b s c u r e 3 rd World authors, listen i ng to obscure music by angst-ridden youths from dying cities, or love-sick gals from Puccini operas, enjoy jazz/blues, "unusual" contemporary music, some o p e r a and e s p e c i a l l y weird ethnic music (50's H a ­ waiian music, Greek, Turkish, Middle Eastern, campy Frenchies l i k e A z n a v o u r & J a q u e s Brel, &c).

I have a large

collection and would be inter­ ested in e x c h a n g i n g e t h n i c m u s ic & w o u l d a l s o l ov e to meet that special someone who can help me fill out my P s y ­ chic TV collection.

I am not l o o k i n g for sex b u t sex is d e f i n i t e l y n o t o u t of t h e q u e s t i o n , e s p . if y o u a r e within half a decade of my age either way & uncut.

I am looking for intell i g en t c o n ­ versation.

Right now I'm very interested in how masculinity is constructed and how it gets re-constructed by gay men when we come out.

I'd like to talk to men enthusiastic and crit­ ical-minded about Thompson's Gay Spirit and about personal experiences in o v e r c o m i n g internalized homophobia & other self-defeating relics of straight ideology.

Also I will be traveling to EUROPE in May 1990; Ireland and England in p a r t i c u l a r , a l s o M a l t a , Germany, Y u g o s l a v i a & Gree ce w / l u c k , a n d w o u l d l o v e to contact people who could give roe lodging, advice, gay travel suggestions, or friendly con­ v e r s a t i o n ; a n y t h i n g at all would be greatly appreciated-j u s t k n o w i n g t h e r e arf a c o u p l e of r e s i d e n t f a e r . c s w oul d m a k e me les s n e r v o u s

about going.

If you live in Europe p l ea s e cont a c t me by phone, writing, or disc r e te FAX to my workplace and I will r e p l y at l e n g t h to all r e ­ sponses.

I speak a medioc r e French and disgraceful German, m a y b e a little Czech.

An y takers?

Thomas Olson 112-1/2 W. High St. #1 Oxford, OH 45056 (513) 523-9160 FAX: (513) 523-1376 I

Dear Brothers of Light, I find myself searching these days.

I n s i d e my h e a r t and being as well as in my immedi­ ate e nv ironment.

Want i n g to c onnect with others who are interested in personal trans­ formation: esse n c e of being, spirituality as it relates to the experience of being gay at this time in Earth's history.

Some personal statistics: I'm 28 y e a r s o l d , P i s c e s w i t h Taur u s rising, Moon in A q u a ­ rius, 6' tall, weigh 178 lbs.

L t . brown hair, hazel eyes.

I've worked in a health re­ l a t e d f i e l d t h e s e p a s t few years.

Would like to get into the holistic field massage and related models of healing and wellness.

I b e li e v e we are here to learn and teach each other to love.

Healing each other and ourselves.

I think n ur tu r in g o u r s e l v e s and the p e o p l e we are clo se to is of the utmost importance, I have had the HIV test.

I do not base the results of that test on who I would or would not b e c o m e involved with.

Nor w o u l d I w i t h h o l d c a r i n g or n ur tu r ing b e ca u s e of it.

On the c on t r a r y love heals.

My test was p o s i t i v e but I'm in good health.

Would like to c o m m u n i c a t e with others who have the same feelings.

Other interests are music, especial­ ly like Windham Hill artists, New Age type stuff.

Hiking or camp in g in the woods.

Swim­ ming.

Going to w o r k s h o p s or gatherings.

Would love to go to a rai nb o w g a th e r i ng s o m e ­ day!

I also love to travel and meet new people.

So let's connect and share some light.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Peace.

Moon Dancer 373 W. Ross St. Troy, OH 45373

55

Hello.

My name is Tim. My image is a wolf.

I live in south central Indiana.

I an 5'11" , 150# , b r ., hazel, 38r e s i s t i n g 40 and h e a l t h y .

I n terests include a d v en tur e (swimming in quarries, caving, hiking, etc.), landscaping, pool, music, movies, massage, and sexual fantasy.

I have a home with a couple acres which I am t r y i n g to d e v e l o p and would enjoy new and c r eat iv e ideas.

I n e e d s o m e o n e to share my home and life.

I am looking for s omeone that is young with boyish adventure.

A love for nat ur e and has a sense of value for himself and friends.

Tim P.O. Box 1891 Bloomington, IN 47402

Dear Brothers, I l i v e in 40 a c r e s of lush wooded land.

I have a cozy comfy "castle" here and live with nature, so it's clean and pure and the wild life are my pets.

My life is blesses, so I'm very healthy and alive.

I like to play, go on walks and hikes, swim, hot tub, great cook, make music, see shows, movies, meditate, do b o d y work, study, read, talk, cuddle, write, travel, quiet time and teach.

I teach stress management, mind energy and h ealing classes.

I am a student of truth, love, peace, joy and light.

I'm looking for a friend to share, care, grow, love and celebrate live with who is discovering their own divinity and power, who is health minded, into safe sex, (not d r u g s ) and f e e l s g o o d being alive!

One who respects mankind and mother earth.

I'm into visitors popping through.

Be well and write.

Tom Box 253 Lavinia, MT 59046

Dear Brothers, Hi! This chubby teddy from sout h e rn Illinois seeks s i n ­ cere MEN (preferably over 25) for friendship, FIRST. I ’ve grown weary of the games asso­ ciated with our life-style, as played in the bars, and detest the substance-abusers I often run into irt that type of es­ t a bl ishment, as well as the mirror-kissers and effeminate little que en s that they (the bars) attract.

I have been told in the past that my ex-

p e c t a ti ons were too high, so I'm not p l a c i n g man y r e ­ straints on this, except to say that I AM A CHUBBY teddy, and accept it, and hope you do, too.

At 34 years of age, I am grey ing a lot, bearded, and b a l d i n g .

I have brown hair and eyes.

My interests include most styles of music, movies, reading, foo d and eating, good conversation on a variety of topics, and quiet e venings at home.

I do have religious convictions ( Q u a k e r ) , bu t am not p u s h y a b o u t it, as I d e t e s t t h e b i b l e - t h u m p e r s . I have many friends, all over the country, including my former spouse, so I hope you aren't the jealous type, and understand what TRUE friendship is all about.

I am affectionate, loyal, compas­ sion ate and caring, but I am NOT a push-over; (alas, no prisoners, PLEASE).

If you are interested, p l ea se take the time to write me, and tell me all about yourself, with a p i c t u r e if p o s s i b l e .

Take c a r e of y o u r s e l v e s . . . .

In loving brotherhood, Bill of Southern Illinois c/o RFD/60

Hello, I am 25 years old, I am 5'8", w e i g h t is 140 lbs.

I have short black hair.

Brown eyes.

I am a GWM. I am looking for a top, but will go either way.

I am looking for a trucker, construction worker, cowboy, f a r m e r , r a n c h e r , an d o t h e r GWM. My hobbies are t r a v e l ­ ing, m u s i c , VCR movies, movies.

I like cats, dogs, horses.

I w o r k in th e oil field.

I am l o o k i n g for a r e l a t i o n s h i p one to one.

I would love to fix my guy his meal when he comes home from work and have his bath water ready for him also.

I enjoy kissing, cuddling.

I smoke.

I don't use drugs.

With love and kisses.

Troy Meeks 930 S. Banks Pampa, Texas 79065

Greetings, Is there anyone out there in or around Taos, NM who is open to contact to a newcomer from Santa Fe? My home number is (505) 776-2517, early mornings or after 7PM-12M. Guy B. Shepard P.O. Box 666 El Prado, NM 87529

I'll keep it clear and simple: I don't need more pen pals or Platonic friendships.

I need a big hairy man to share my life with.

The life I have to offer is full of the outdoors and personal freedom and inde­ p e n d e n c e and h a r d work .

I spend each winter as a migrant tree planter doing reforesta­ tion in the southe r n states (dirty work but good money).

Then for the other 7 months I am on my own 220 acre farm in the Ozarks of sout h er n M i s ­ souri.

T h e r e a r e l o t s of pro je cts you could make your own on the farm, or you might just e n j o y the b e i n g (the h i l l s , the c r e e k s and the woods) which is a large part of tr aditional hil l - co u n t r y living.

I am 37, 6'1" , 240 , It. brown hair (body, face and head) with blue eyes.

I enjoy life, and I live it with en­ thusiasm, but I need a man to be s h a r i n g all t h e s e go o d things with.

If this rings a bell for you p leas e contact me.

Our future can be what we make it.

Kip Smith Rt. 2, Box 591 Ava, MO 65608

Dear RFD readers, We need some on e to help with the work on our ranch in New Mexico.

We will provide room and board.

You, if you are interested, would gain experi­ ence during your vacation, the summer, or whatever, in animal raising, gardening, cooking, c h ee s em ak i n g, rural life in general, and would help with work when needed, with plenty of s p a r e t i m e to do as you please.

H I V + OK. For d e ­ tails, write to: Coyote Canyon Ranch Anton Chico Rt., Box 75 Las Vegas, NM 87701

Any HIV+ men who live in the country out there?

I'd like to meet you.

Thanks.

Charles Donovan P.O. Box 957 Las Vegas, NM 87701I

Dear RFD Friends, I am a 30 year old c r e a ti v e and s en s i t i v e gay white male

who has been a big-city dwel­ ler for the last nine years.

Of late I feel the n e c e ss ity of change to a smaller city or country setting.

I was raised in a very remote part of the U.S., so rural life is still very much a part of me, just as my love for the outdoors and of nature.

I am very good at w orking with my hands and have learned the joy in doing and making things for myself.

I love to paint and sew, and also teaching myself to cook.

Not fancy dishes to impress people, but the simple things I remember Grandmother making for us.

I am also very music­ ally inclined.

Classical music is great, but I also get much enjoyment from an eclec­ tic collection of early popu­ lar songs.

I sing and play the p i a n o , and als o e n joy organ music, e s p ec i all y the sweet, s e n ti m e n ta l stuff by 19th century composers.

I'm a h o m e b o d y , but not a c o u c h potato.

Since poor old Lucy died I can hardly bring myself to t u r n on th e T V a n y m o r e !

P h ys i c a ll y , I am five foot & ten i n c h e s t a l l and 150 pounds.

I have dark blond hair and expressive blue-green eyes behind a pair of HaroldLloyd type glasses.

I've got a nice, natural slender build a n d a f a i r a m o u n t of b o d y hair.

By the time you read this I may be clean shaven, b e c a u s e I f e e l no n e e d to p e r m a nently hide behind a mousta c h e .

I'm very healthy and do not use drugs.

I drink alcohol rarely and find cigar­ ette smoke unpleasant.

Re­ cen tl y I have been attending church to enjoy the quietness and structure of the rituals, but I tend to avoid the dogmas of o r g a n i z e d r e l i g i o n s .

I n e v e r was a " j o i n e r , " and spirituality is a highly indi­ vidual matter.

Much of what I read in RFD is stimulating.

I hope you are a m a s c u l i n e , o p i n i o n a t e d spirit who knows well how to nurture, cuddle, give and receive massage, and who d o e s n' t bother with much of the gay "scene."

My life's d r e a m is to run my own b u s i ­ n e s s in an o u t - o f - t h e - w a y t ourist area, so it would be n i c e to m e e t a s u c c e s s f u l entrepreneurial type in hopes s o m e of h i s b u s i n e s s s a v v y would rub off onto me.

I have always a dmired men who were independent and self-directed.

Also, men who are taller and h eavier than myself.

A kind face with broad features, full lip s, an d b a b y - f i n e ( may be t h i n n i n g or b a l d i n g ) hair really gets me up!

A sense of

humor and fun is most i m p o r ­ tant.

If any of this speaks to you, I encourage you to get off your duff and drop a line.

S a t i s f y y o u r c u r i o s i t y or whatever.

I will answer all who write.

soon.

Love,

Jimmy P.O. Box 1462 Ramona, CA 92065

Hello, Mr. K c/o RFD/60 I am very inter ested in corresponding/meeting people with gentle, shy, sweet disposition and w h o r e a l l y b e l i e v e in keeping in touch with their mind, body and spirit.

I am of Manchurian/Portuguese de­ scent, 5 17" , with a smooth, defined, muscula r build.

My interests include ancient h i s t o r y , art, p h o t o g r a p h y , t r a v e l i n g , R e n a i s s a n c e and pastoral music.

Would love to exchange photos, news, thoughts, with good looking guys betw een the ages of 1835.

I have a great deal of energy and affection to share.

Let's create som eth in g g e n ­ uine, up l i f t i n g and lasting together 1 Love, Julian of California c/o RFD/60 Dear California RFDer, I'm retired former teacher, former naval officer, int. in hearing from RFD su bs c r i b e r s whom I might practically meet.

South Bay, Long Beach, Orange County most likely.

I have white hair, grey eyes, am well over 60, average looks.

Once my piano and books are in, my small a p a r t m e n t h a s b a r e l y room for me and on e or two others.

I told the kids who h e l p e d me m o v e it' s r a t h e r like living in a submarine, but I have all I need.

The only permanent relationship I am in terested in is f r i e n d ­ ship.

No preconceived notion what ma y or m a y not h a p p e n between us.

Only the future likely knows.

All l e t t e r s answered; any age that's legal is welcome.

Art Dowling 745 Alamitos, #204 Long Beach, CA 90813 Hello, My n a m e is J i m m y .

I ' m 26 years old, br. hair and eyes.

I love to swim, camp and fish.

1 'm l o o k i n g for s o m e o n e to give a lot of love to.

If you w ant a l o t of l o v e pi u s e write.

Hope to hear from you

I'm GWM at a California beach location, 6', 165#, 50, a t ­ tractive, HIV+, seeking GBM to share a t m o s p h e r e of y outhful zest for life and of advanced souls.

Reading, music, spir­ itual, theater, exercise, interdependent companionship, affection.

I'm well traveled, educated, compassionate, open heart, successfully following latest a l te rnatives.

Let's become pur ified/whole together and see the world.

"R" of California c/o RFD/60

At 33, 6'02" , 220#, I'm just a b i g t e d d y b e a r in n e e d of love.

R e ce n t l y I found out how a mature youth can change my life and he did (for the better).

I love to travel, down h il l ski, mot or c y c li n g , and the out-of-doors.

Sharing and caring are two of my best traits, followed by listening and openness, allow my inter­ action with many.

I am look­ ing for friends/penpals across the North American continent.

If you w i s h to m e e d a real cuddler who is stable, adven­ turous, and good looking; or, wish to visit the Pacific N.W. .on the slopes or b e f o r e the f i r e - - p l e a s e write with your i de nt i f i c a t i o n and ideas to share in my free spirit.

Ed P.O. Box 1076 Welches, OR 97067

Hello RFDers, I've felt a l o n e until RFD b e c a m e known to me and have hopes of meeting you.

I'm 6', 190#, brown hair, hazel eyes, 34 years.

I'm a cou ntr y boy and never am c ontent in the city.

Maybe an isolationist.

I love organic gard e n in g and animals though they can be a ball and chain.

Am very phys­ ical enjoying massage immense­ ly.

I give and take.

Love to touch and caress.

I've shown great p o te n t i al and hope you can spark me to achieve all I can be.

I would hope to do the same for you.

The great outd o o rs is my p a s s io n and I intend to enjoy this gift to the fullest.

I am seeking a s o v e r e i g n e n t i t y to s h a r e mys el f with fully and expect th e sam e.

I'm p r o u d of my space and hope to be a light u n t o all s o m e d a y , a n d if that's in the cards so be it.

Who knows what is possible.

I believe the power of the mind can and does do anything.

I'm not perfect but that would be boring.

This versatile TOP & B O T T O M is h u n g r y .

Yours of Washington c/o RFD/60 B e r g m a n said, in C R I E S A N D WHISPERS, "It is nothing but a tissue of lies, a monum en tal tissue of lies."

I see all of human society, from the most personal to the global in this way, which makes anything but what we have had for the past three t housand years imp os ­ s i b l e - - ^ the extent that most people manage, for example, to m i st a k e blat a n t e g o ti sm for humility, rampant self-inter­ est and power-lust (a la Gan­ dhi) for spiritu a l i ty , and I do not want to be a part of it.

I want to live a commonly shared inner vision of life, perhaps as Blanche might have had she NOT betrayed her young husband (and herself), in the spirit of say, Emily D i c k e n ­ son, creating a paradise gar­ den, g u i l e l e s s l y devo ted to one another and the passionate pursuit of truth and beauty— undefended from one's self and each other— expressing power not from dominance/submission (in the quest for the illusion of security— the pecking order serving the biological impera­ tive to s urvive at any cost) but t hrough c r e a ti v e p r o d u c ­ tiveness; accept i n g neither easy conventional nor equally easy and false new age s o l u ­ tions (delusions!) to complex an d frightening problems,

opting for love rather than longevity if a choice between the two be needed, e mbracing the t r u t h - - a n d by t r u t h , I mean here not merely not ly­ ing, but not falling into the trap of self-deception, which makes any kind of love impossib l e - - a l l o w i n g the truth to d et e r m i n e life's path rather than imposing upon life arbi­ trarily as human society does in order to assu re the sur ­ vival of the species.

I don't think that much of my species that I would go out of my way to h e l p k e e p it g o i n g (the inmates finally retreating back into the insane asylum near the end of "The King of H e a r t s " ) and as for my own personal survival, I only want to keep going so long ass it is (by my own values and stan­ dards) a life worth maintain­ ing.

I want an intense inti­ macy, living as much as p o s ­ sible in the moment, FOR love, without stopping the process because of fear and to relate hones tly and openly to that fear when it inevitably o c ­ curs; to need to see what IS no matter the cons e qu e nc es , but also to paraphrase Blanche again "to tell the truth as it OUGHT to be" (and perhaps thus m a k e it so) a n d to t r y to respond to it all with great g enerosity, interdependence and inter responsibility (all else is illusion, anyway), to accept the c h a l le ng e to live this di f feren t way, to NEED to.

Michael Ackerman 1045 Monroe Eugene, OR 97402

Dear Brothers, Longhaired, bearded, tall and slim Swedish viking withes to g e t in t o u c h w i t h s a t y r s , prophets, gypsies, freaks, cavemen, jesuses, tantrics, gandalves, hippies, wise old men etc., who read magic in long hair.

Let's get together and c e l e b r a t e the c h a r i s m a that eman ates from an u n h a m ­ pered growth and flow of male hair.

There is ecstasy in it!

A n s w e r s fr o m all over the world are expected.

A beauti­ ful network of Love will be knit.

Chris The Islander c/o RFD/60

Hello,

OUT" W I T H B r a z i l i a n guy, 29, 165 cm, white, dark hair, green eyes, wants to hear from active/passive guys b e t w ee n 18 and 22 years for friendship.

Letters to Sidney Garcia Caixa Postal 297 Sao Bernardo Do Campo CEP 09700 Sao Paulo, Brazil

Contact letters are, for the most part, in zip code order.

. , _ _.

URBAN

_ _.

_____

M^GIC

flawing cauldron. We raise a cone of power, which arises from the fire within. Our voices harmonically converge in a vibrant sound. We let it go, let it settle back over us. Then we ground it.

In the full silence, a lovely, clear tenor voice sings an im­ promptu song about the Native American medicine wheel, a sym­ bol of mystical and philosophi­ cal exploration, a person’s "map to their innermost being" (Lynn Andrews).

Then each of us brushes our fingers through the cauldron’s flame, dips them into the salt water and wets our forehead, tips, neck, whatever, as we fpeak the vision of the city we want to take away with us from the workshop. Just before approaching the altar, it comes to me: "I take a vision of the city as a sister." Then we close the circle.

My final vision is wishful thinking on my part, rather than felt reality. Starhawk said at the outset that "Urban Magic" is an experiment for her. Perhaps it ought to be for all of us urban earth-wor­ shipers. (We intend to make radical magic in NVC this June at the Faerie Action Gather­ ing.) How can we make use of spiritual tools, not just to cope and survive in the city, but to truly and deeply empow­ er ourselves? Even living in the worst urban blight, "thou *rt the goddess." And through transformative ritual, we may discover new resonance in the term "sister city.*T 58

t h e

:

Ya’ll remember the trip we made a while back to visit Eureka Springs, Arkansas? Well ya’ll should see it at the hoi idays!

Every single building in that history filled town gits out­ lined in tiny white lights.

It’s really breathtaking! Car­ ols are heard in the streets constantly and the handcraft exhibits of the ages are dis­ played in every window. Ya’ll can’t miss a visit whilst yer here! It’s a memory you’ll treasure forever.

Now come on ya’ll; there’s still warm cider in the kettle and a few more boxes whilst Mountain Boy and I slap on some vittles fer supper. Hope ya’ll like fried rabbit and squirrel. We went huntin’ this mornin’ and bagged some real choice critters afor ya’ll arrived. W e ’ll jist make this a real family style evenin’.

And fer all of youse what can’t stay here with us; please take a bit of season blessings with ya until ya come back in the spring.▼

HEALTH

- - New York N a t i v e , a w e e k l y n e ws m a g a z i n e t h a t i n c l u d e s AIDS i n f o r m a t i o n a n d a r a d i c a l viewpoint.

P.O. Box 1 7 4 5, New Yo r k , NY 1 0 0 0 8 .

AMFAR- has a new experimental treatment directory 1—800/992 — 2873 Wellness NetworkPO Box 24152, New Orleans, LA 70184-4152 AIDS ACTION NOW! Box 325, 253 College St., Toronto, Ontario M5T IR5 CANADA THE SOURCEBOOK ON LESBIAN/GAY HEALTH CARE NLGHF, Box 65472, Washington, DC 20035 - $17.95 ♦postage Or if you have access to any other sources let us know.V

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A S p i r i t u a l N etw ork f o r C h a n g in g men o f a l l a g e s , c u l t u r e a , and s e x u a l o r i e n t a t i o n s s t r i v i n g t o c r e a t e a C e l e b r a t o r y an d H e a lin g S p a c e f o r m a le s th r o u g h m u tu a l S u p p o r t and S h a r i n g - P l a y and R i t u a l w h ich I s n o n - s e x i s t , l i f e - a f f i r m i n g , and E a r t h - c e n t e r e d .

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